#but ive been exercising to make myself feel better

[homophyte]

man i havent seen like anybody talking about it--probably because i do my level best to block every transphobe i can find and purposefully avoid twitter as much as possible--or else i wouldnt say anything but the sophie from mars situation seriously has been breaking my brain. i dont wanna be the exact guy i would criticize in this situation and shift focus from the victims but i truly thought she was one of the most incisive political commentators on youtube, i actively looked forward to her perspectives & shared them with so many people around me. its hard on some level to not feel shocked and blindsided particularly because she was someone who consistently and articulately spoke about abuse and exploitation.

[3verythingiknowaboutlove]

first fall of snow

how spencer guesses you're pregnant before you actually tell him

fluff word count: 1390 warnings & tags & stuff: pregnant reader, slight issues with mother mentioned?, non-graphic vomiting, mentions/allusions to winter holidays being celebrated, kinda spencer's pov but still 2nd pov, reader is scared spencer will leave her lol, anxious!reader in general, mentions of death?, probably medical inaccuracies ive never been pregnant author's note: hiiii i'm forcing myself to post this because if i don't then i'll never post and i'm being BRAVE. i hope it can be a little comforting maybe. i've realllyyyy been struggling with my take on spencer's characterization lately soo this was kinda like a bootcamp/exercise situation into his mind and less an expression of my writing skills, iykwim. let me know your thoughts if u have any! i love you & have a splendid day!!

Spencer is walking—speed walking—toward his car, away from the case he just finished, away from serial killers and guns and geographical profiling and death.

He places his feet carefully on the snow-covered sidewalk with each step, the cold air biting at his face. He barely notices it, absorbed in the path ahead, as the snow provides a satisfying crunch underfoot—a nice background to his perpetually racing mind.

He doesn’t like the winter. It’s always too harsh outdoors, and too stuffy indoors, and he’s trapped in a suffocating haze no matter where he goes. 

His phone starts to vibrate gently in his pocket, interrupting his racing thoughts for a split second. His pace falters as he pulls it free, a quick smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he sees it’s your name on the screen.

“Hi. How are you?” he asks after picking up, watching his breath come out in puffs of vapor in the cold air.

Winters, however, have gotten progressively better each year he spends with you.

“...I’m okay,” you say, though the crack in your voice reveals the all-consuming ache in your bones and mind.

“No. You’re overwhelmed,” he guesses in his matter-of-fact way, voice gentle. You huff out a soft laugh at his ability to read you, never getting old.

“Yeah, I guess. A little. The holiday season, you know. Are you on your way home?” you ask, voice softer now. You’re sitting on the couch of yours and Spencer’s cozy apartment, wrestling with a blanket to cover your lap, and bouncing your leg relentlessly.

“I’m walking to the car now. Hey, have you done the crossword today?” Spencer asks, words a familiar, tender remedy for your nerves. You told him a long time ago that hearing his voice makes you feel better, and there are times, like these, where he just knows it’s what you need. You rest our head on the arm of the couch, curling up.

“No, I didn’t have the time. Why?”

“There was an interesting question about causes of death in Shakespeare plays, but they completely messed up the part of speech. It read, ‘Popular ways to die by the hands of England’s national poet’. I thought it was ‘poisons’ at first, but it was actually ‘stabbed’, even though the correct answer grammatically should’ve been ‘stabs’ or ‘stabbings’,” he says, his car now in sight through the steady sprinkle of snow coming down. “Do you think I should send an email to let them know? I guess stabbing does make more sense, though, versus poison, because throughout his works, thirty characters out of his 74 that died were stabbed compared to only four that were poisoned. Three were stabbed and poisoned. Did you know that two were actually baked into pies, which is a-”

“Oh my god, the pie,” you groan, cutting him off mid-sentence, sitting up hastily, the blanket falling to the floor.

“Pie?”

“Yeah. My mom coerced me into making it to bring tomorrow.” You pad over to the kitchen and crouch down to peek through the hazy glass of the oven, inspecting it. “Oh,” you murmur. “It’s…not pretty.”

He sandwiches the phone in between his ear and shoulder, gently opening the door to his car to sit down as he listens to you. He turns the heat on, exhaling in an exhausted relief, hovering his hand over where the air comes out. 

“Can you tell me what it looks like? Maybe I can help,” he suggests, leaning back against the headrest and letting his eyes close for a second. You put the phone on speaker, setting it on the counter as you bend down to take it out. “Don’t burn yourself,” he adds, hearing what you’re doing.

“I’m not going to burn my-” you cut yourself off with a huff. “Whatever. It’s just really messy. There’s like… liquid overflowing where the lattice should be.”

He hums. “How long has it been cooking for?”

“45 minutes. My mom sent me this one ancient recipe that I had to use written on parchment paper from like 70 years ago, and it does not have a bake time listed, so I’m just eyeballing it.”

“Okay. You could either put it back in the oven in hopes that more of the liquid will evaporate, or you can leave it out to cool down and hopefully thicken,” he says.

“What do you think I should do?”

“I think you sound exhausted and need your sleep.” 

You sigh, staring at your mess of a pie, hopes that you’ll appease your mother this year slipping further and further away, soon to be completely buried by the snow.

“Hey. I’m sure it’ll taste really good. Besides, people still liked Shakespeare, and he wrote about much worse pies than you could ever make.” 

A smile pulls at your lips.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll just leave it out to cool and head to bed. Will you stay on the phone a little longer?” you ask, padding over to your shared bedroom.

“Of course.”

He doesn’t start driving as you talk, not when nearly 2000 people die per year due to driving on icy roads, and two thirds of them were people who were reported to not be paying close enough attention.

And especially not when 54 hours ago on your last phone call, he noticed a drastic shift in your behavior, and was quickly able to tell that you were pregnant. 

He had too much waiting for him at home to be spinning out on black ice because he was talking to you and not watching the road.

He chooses instead to look outside at the falling snow, blanketing the city, his city, the very first for D.C. to have this winter out of the septillion snowflakes planet earth receives each year.

…

Spencer gets home a little later that night, holding another pint of cherries in his hands. Not for the pie—which he turns to see resting on the stove and winces slightly at—but for you. 

Cherries, with their 342 mg of potassium per cup, help replenish lost electrolytes and can soothe nausea.

He’s expecting it to start any day now.

He quietly steps into the bedroom, setting his bag by the door to be dealt with tomorrow. The soft glow of the lamp that was left on, presumably for him by your endlessly considerate heart, provides just enough light so he can get changed. He then finally clambers into bed next to you, one hand reaching out to lace in your hair, moving his fingers to gently scratch by the nape of your neck. He lifts the other to rest, like you're made of a delicate china, on your lower stomach, sighing in pure relief the second it makes contact.

You turn sleepily, humming when you’re met with the sight of him. “Spence,” you murmur, contented.

“Hi. I really didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m sorry,” he says, so quietly.

“I'm glad you did. I like it when you wake me.” You tuck yourself closer to him. “I love you.” His hand comes to trace gentle patterns all over your back and arm, and he gives you a little kiss, adoringly.

“Go back to sleep. I love you.”

You let your eyes shut once again, this time much easier now that he’s with you. You inhale his scent, which you swear could repair anything broken or lost in this world. You exhale, wondering if he’d still hold you the same way after learning that you’re carrying his child. 

It’s a scary thought, but you’re comforted by his warm touch, pushing you farther out into the deep sea of sleep.

Once your breaths get steady and your mouth parts slightly, he adds, in a whisper, “Both.”

…

The next morning, when you’re hunched over the toilet bowl, Spencer is there with you, rubbing your back and wiping your teary eyes. You look up to him after brushing your teeth, and no words are exchanged. He tugs you into his arms, silently quelling any of the countless anxieties swarming your mind, at least in this moment.

His hand comes up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He lets it rest there, cupping your jaw.

“Let’s go shopping after breakfast today, okay? You need prenatal vitamins.” He presses a soft kiss to your forehead.

“And a new pie.”

[astrxealis]

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25

[jojo-schmo]

hi jojo! im just wondering but ive been wanting to make a comic for a little while but im not too sure where to start 😅. i really love your style of art and your forgotten land roleswap, and i was wondering if you had any tips for beginners?

Hello, hello! Thank you for enjoying my Forgotten Land Roleswap comic, it means a lot! <3

I'm very honored that people have been asking me for tips and advice. All of this is coming from a hobbyist who draws these comics purely for fun outside of my regular day job. Some of my methods would probably deal psychic damage to a professional, LOL. But I'm more than happy to share some things I've personally learned! :)

First of all, the book, "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud ROCKS. It literally gave me a new dimension to understand the medium of comics and how it presents ideas and emotions to readers! And I haven't even had the chance to finish it all the way! I'm very happy I own a copy and I recommend having one of your own if you can, but it's archived here if you want to read it :D

I also like analyzing other comics and thinking about how they get information across to me as a reader. It's helped me learn more effective ways to visually tell a story, like what to include in a frame, how zooming in or out affects the feeling from the panel, maybe building a scene by focusing on other stuff if someone is talking a lot... etc.

ANYWAYS-! Some other tips I've learned through my personal experience-

I had to overcome a lot of negative self-talk in order to tackle a huge comic project like this and stay committed. I was a pretty severe self-deprecator for most of my life so far, and getting help has allowed me to catch myself when I'm slipping back into those habits, look in the mirror, and go, "NO, JOJO! You pour your heart into what you make and that is a wonderful thing! You are appreciated and loved and you deserve to have fun making something you are passionate about!!" Some examples of the negative self-talk I catch myself in....

"I'm a noob at writing and making a story interesting... What's the point of even trying?"

When it comes to starting a project, whether it's 2 pages or 2000 pages, is to just jump in and start! It's okay to be a little insecure or nervous about your technical art skills, writing skills, etc... But writing a "bad" scene is better than no scene- because you can always edit a "bad" scene down the line, but what can you do with nothing? Nothing!! I also put "bad" in quotation marks because I am trying to use that term less, and instead call them "early drafts." or "works in progress."

The first Roleswap scene I fleshed-out was the first Bandee boss fight, in May 2022. I made this drawing on an impulse, getting my ideas down on the page without thinking about the technical stuff like comic panel borders. I consider it like a "pilot episode" almost, haha. The final project is going to be very different from how things play out here. But it got me interested in the concept and excited to see where I could take it, and I made the decision to commit to an entire game plot's worth of AU comics!!

Also, what's the point in trying you ask? The point is to have fun! Making a fan comic in my free time means I don't have restrictions like deadlines, nobody's telling me what I can and can't write, and I can make the story as long or as short as I want! I have full control, which means the world I'm writing is all mine to create! Yes, with a fan comic there is a pre-established world with existing characters. But a universe like Kirby has enough open-ended concepts for people to take basic concepts in the world and take them to whole new levels! I think that's why there are so many amazing fan interpretations of Kirby characters and OCs. The rules are so vague, you can just make up your own a lot of the time!! And it's a wonderful exercise to learn skills for someday building an original world with all original characters from scratch! Magical!!!

"I'm not good enough to make a comic. I don't understand perspective or color and other stuff. Anything I make will look bad.

I once read a two panel comic on here. I can't find it anymore but I remember most of it. First panel showed the artist looking at what they're drawing on their tablet, looking defeated and sad. "Man, I don't even know how to draw this....."The next panel was like them smiling and shrugging, I think rainbows and sparkles were coming out of their tablet, ".....I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRAW IT SHITTY!! :D "

IF ANYONE KNOWS THIS COMIC I'M REFERENCING, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL LINK IT!!! Because it permanently and positively changed my brain chemistry.

No kidding, making the decision to just do my best even if it's not perfect, helped me a LOT. I was always waiting to "reach a certain level" to tackle a huge project because I felt like I'd never do it justice at my current state. Except I had been telling myself that kind of stuff for years and I still didn't start any projects!!

So the day I said, "Oh well! If I draw backgrounds shitty, then it is what it is! I'll learn from it and draw the next background a little better," Was the day I could commit fully to the project. I'll keep studying how to draw them better for my own benefit, but I won't let my skill issues stop me from even trying!

And for my limited confidence in full-color art, I solved that by making the comic in black and white with no-to-minimal shading lolol. Because I can only address one skill issue at a time before it takes me 25 years to finish this HAHAHA.

It saves a BUNCH of time to work with skill issues rather than against them! Because at least experience is gained in other ways, and who knows, maybe that new knowledge will help address the skill issues someday! So identifying your personal skill issues and deciding which one to try to grow stronger, and which one to work around, could help with big projects!

"Nobody will read this. I'm going to put months or years of my life into a dumb little thing nobody will even care about."

Learning how to draw for my own enjoyment instead of somebody else's was one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever made. Enjoying the feeling of being challenged artistically and just doing my best, even if it's not technically perfect, is the reason why I was even able to start this!

And just because someone doesn't directly like, comment or whatever on a post doesn't mean nobody saw it! I used to get really down on myself for the lack of engagement on my art on other websites.

I was a lurker for pretty much my entire teenage years and never posted my own stuff or commented much. But that didn't take away the fact that I really enjoyed the things I saw online. Those positive feelings were real to me, even when I didn't know how to articulate it in words. Granted, I grew up into a Words of Affirmation main, and I use words to tell people the positive things I think about them as much as I can! But I know not everyone prefers words to express themselves. So I think about the people that I don't know enjoy my work- that just because I don't see it doesn't mean I didn't make a positive impact on someone by sharing my stories.

THIS IS GETTING LONG-- UHHH, STORY TIPS!!

If you work best on technology, start building the story in a Notes app, or a Google Doc! If you work best with pen and paper, start a notebook and rearrange stuff as you need to!

Or if you're chaotic like me, a mix of tech and paper!! I bought a notebook with ring binding so I can remove and rearrange pages of drafts as much as I wanted to! Like here's two very rough concept pages of one Chapter 1 scene made months apart.

I'd say planning out the biggest basic plot points and then filling in between as I went was most helpful! I also have separate notes for character motivations, important story-changing events, etc... So I can have my own reference when I'm writing new scenes!

Okay this was a lot, sorry about the yapping! Hopefully it helps even a tiny bit. If you have any specific questions I'm happy to talk about my experience in the creation process! Or elaborate on anything I said above.

And finally, because I'm not a professional there are probably plenty of other tactics that could work better for some people. My ADHD probably doesn't help with the chaos of my process either, HAHA. But thank you for reading this far and enjoying the peek into the rainbow glitter and soap bubbles that inhabit the right side of my brain, heehee.

[iinryer]

long post abt women and fandom. good morning

sorry this is a little bit ramble-y, and I don’t normally post stuff like this but bear with me, i am processing gjfhdhffh

first of all: this is NOT directed at anyone in particular. this is not about anyone or anything anyone has done. this is me, a lesbian, having some dialogue with myself about representation and the way people think and talk and engage with fictional lesbians! this is not a blast on anyone, just general mindfulness, and wanting to work through some of my own hesitation abt things.

im having a difficult time engaging w the grander audience turning the boys into dykes, because i can never be sure where they’re coming from, yknow? like why i was hesitant to post before (it took me over a year to post my butch buddie silhouettes) and why im not sure if i want to post some other for-fun doodling ive done…

bc there Are lesbians on the show. there are specifically Black Lesbians, canonically, on the show

and like. idk. i dont want the things i say or post to be fuel for anyone being weird yknow? My Fake Lesbians Are Not Better Than The Real Lesbians Already On The Show

and i know that, and i know my friends know that but. I don’t have control over how people take the things I make. and i don’t want that to inadvertently make someone get enthusiastic in the wrong way that makes like, for example, black fans of the show, or specifically maybe black lesbians who watch, see an influx in people being 10x more delighted by these white boy reduxes than the real actual lesbians on the show. and yeah, sure, we could say “it’s just because they’re like a shiny new toy!” but we all know that isn’t all of it.

LIKE. MAYBE THIS IS IRRATIONAL. but. idk i have a sizable audience, i get a lot of traction, the things i say and post travel sometimes! people see what i post. people engage with and build off of things that i post. and, historically, this fanbase is Really Fucking Weird About Women And People Of Color

for the most part, playing in this sandbox is just a fun exercise for me, a lesbian. don’t get me wrong, i LOVE blasting characters with my Dyke Laser Beam and making them into women who love women. I’ll do it all day every day. i had soooooo much fun drawing butch buddie. i live for that shit. but! idk! im happy kicking around my own funhouse, but i feel like i need to take all of that into account if i make any of that public. yknow? community responsibility or whatever. i know it’s not on me if someone takes it in a bad direction, but! if i was the one who inadvertently facilitated that! i will feel awful! and tbh, there’s no guarantee that I haven’t done that already!

im just having fun, and you should be too! but this stuff makes me nervous! i don’t have any control over other people, and i just don’t want to be the cause of easily avoidable discomfort for others.

this isn’t some great declaration, and I don’t really have a moral or a call to action, there’s not a real solution in this stream of consciousness post—in the grand scheme of things, this is all make believe and for fun! im just. idk. it feels really important to me to acknowledge that this could spiral in a way that’s actually kind of awful for Real Life Fans who have to see the way other fans engage with and talk about lesbians and black women.

this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and it’s been on my mind recently, but with the influx of chatter about it i just felt like it was maybe worth talking about.

anyway. i love u lesbians. im drawing more henren soon <3

[chimkin-samich]

Hi!

I have had a block for both writing and drawing for several years. I look at your works with longing in my eyes and think how wonderful it would be to draw regularly again. I was never particularly talented and had many gaps in learning to draw, but I enjoyed it. Now I don't know how to start drawing or writing. My laptop is full of unfinished stories. I have lots of ideas for drawings, but it's hard for me to get down to work.

Therefore, my question is: Do you have any advice for people who haven't drawn/written for several years and would really like to get back to it, but can't motivate themselves, have no ideas, etc.? Or quite the opposite. They have lots of ideas, but for some reason they can't draw anything?

Greetings and have a nice morning/day/evening/night!

Hello! Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to make sure I could respond properly to this so I thought it over a lot, I’m going to put it under a read more cuz it’s gonna get long lol

I (sly) am kinda in the same position as you at least when it comes more to art, writing ive kinda cracked the block but still trying to break through the ice, all the art on our blog is Ferals art, I only complete the line work and shading (but not always) I haven’t drawn any of my own stuff in probably a few years but I’m trying to get back into it cuz I miss it as well, I completely get the whole feeling of looking at Feral’s art and wanting to create my own but finding it so difficult to do

For the art aspect my plan is to start at square 1, start how I first starting drawing, which for me was to look up refs, animals and draw them by sight, just to get back into the groove of trying to bring back that muscle memory, maybe you started by tracing images, you could trace only the rough outlines and then shade and detail them, just something simply and easy, you probably won’t be happy with the results (I know I certainly won’t be with my own) but it’s a start

Look up things that you enjoy, draw your squad, incorrect quotes to do with ocs maybe even draw them out, try and keep it simple, you don’t need to create a masterpiece on the first day back, any attempt is a step forward even if you dislike it, try it out at least once a day everyday, a simple doodle just for fun or to exercise your muscle memory again, the first part is gonna be hard and messy, that’s totally ok! All that matters is the attempt!

For the writing aspect try and keep it simple as well, focus on making short one-shots or even just bullet point dialogues, your old unfinished writing isn’t going anywhere, when you feel comfortable enough to attempt to continue it just go for it!

I had a big gap in my writing periods and sometimes I still go a few months with out touching any of my stories, blocks happen and are normal, something that I try to get back into is read other people’s work, both to see the writing style and to get some inspiration to continue my own works

When I actually get down to actually writing my story I just dump down the story as I think it, I just keep writing even if it looks messy and grammatically incorrect to at least get the story moving and progressing. After I have the rough story down, is when I go back to correct spelling mistakes, add more details/dialogues or events in between to create a much better flow for the story

I usually do this multiple times for each fic I create, usually in between pauses (either due to blanking on ideas or just cuz I wasn’t feeling it) so whenever I reopen my doc, I just reread and add on, then I do it again one or two more times once it’s completed

I struggle a lot with perfectionism when it comes to my art and writing, and unfortunately it’s a big killer for my motivation, especially when I see others that make better works than me. I’ve been slowly unlearning that urge to make everything perfect, by just allowing myself to have messy and rough works, it’s not always going to come out how I want it but at least I got it as close as I could in the moment with my current skill level

I like to tell myself, the more I keep doing it, the more I’ll improve, and I’ll always be able to come back with more ideas and skill to remake this better than my first attempts, just because I did it doesn’t mean I can’t try to do it again

Being easier on yourself does wonders (I know easier said than done unfortunately 😭) but your practically having to relearn skills that have gotten rusty, even if you were doing great before, your gonna have to build back up to that point, it’s just like exercising a muscle ✨

I hope this was able to help! I wish you much luck in your journey back into art and writing!

[cali]

im a different anon but im just curious what advice you would give to someone whos been pillbugging it for um. over a year now

mmm i cant really answer how to stop having depression which im guessing is what u mean + i dont know how ur head works but ive been living mostly NEET-ly for more than 2 yrs now and everyday im getting a better curve at dealing with it so i can tell u what works for me.

half the time when im pillbugging hard im paralyzed by a nontangible fear and the only thing that could stop it is adressing wherever the fear is coming from but the confrontation of the topic, trying to figure out where its even coming from, is terrifying too so i dont do it and stay swimming in tar. theres a sentence people keep saying when they explain why they watch 2 hour video essays "it makes my head go quiet". thats the enemy, the thought, not the person saying it. long term i mean. when its short term anguish that can be bridged by pillbugging its fine i think but if ur "making ur head quiet" for more than a month i urge u to make it go really loud again but thats hard. the only times i can try and confront those thoughts is when i feel otherwise nice, if i got externally forced to have a fun day, hike with my papa, date day with my girlfriend, sometimes just got myself to make a nice meal and it helped, when u feel better its a little less scary and u can maybe try and think out of it a little better. also i think on those days youre generally more positively charged so u got more hope outlook. COOL. i think this is why some people do meditation. im not good at it so i dont really know but i think its a brave pasttime of tackling unpleasant ideas. i used to try and dope my way out of it with lsd cuz everytime i used it it kind of forced me to confront whatever trouble i had but ive forbad myself that cuz i didnt want to rely on it as crutch + it was just unpleasant to get hit over the head everytime. now i only do it when i feel good already (havent done it in half a year lol). sorry, drug tangent. also weed is synonymous with pillbugging 4 me.

otherwise, rituals.... mmmmm..... when therapists and whoevers say stuff like take daily walks daily exercise take daily shower i think all of those are like half about the direct benefits they give and half just about doing anything regularly. cuz it helps. during pillbug hours the point for me is kind of to have time pass as fast as possible so the timeframe to hurt is reduced which is counterproductive cuz if it flows u by rlly hard u cant really grasp onto anything to get off the ride easily. and its never going to come really easy theres no probable single action or event that is going to singlehandedly pull u out of the mire, no rapture, no healing vitamin, its always going to be slow and tedious and boring and stupid but a routine is a nice framework to start that. brushing ur teeth is nice. and when u do something daily the days start becoming more tangible again and u will be able to tell how many days ago tuesday was. maybe u can think abotu what factors motivate u and twist them to do your biddinggg. shame and dissapointment works really well for me if i tell someone i will have this done by then and i dont it usually overpowers the malaise or whatever other reason has been making me not do it prior. but this requires social bonds and i cant guarantee u have those. in summer i started doing therapy cuz in germany i need it for transgenderism and shes also a good beacon for that, if she says do something until next time we meet i dont want to dissapoint her. other than that, um idk, everyting else is just kind of part of that. take walks even if u dont want to think about things even if its scary. be brave like childrens book illustration of knight slaying dragon. and then maybe u get a princess kiss

[szilverer]

hewwo

made this blog primarily to dump oc content & maybe liveblog a bit (its my first time engaging in a fandom space like this so im pretty lost, do lemme know if i mess up with tagging or etiquette or smth. more about me here.)

my main FL acc (Hreisz) is from 2016 but i only really started playing last august! ive finished my ambition in october but theres still a lot i dont know about the lore n stuff. recently made two alts & am slowly getting around to write/draw nice profile pages for everyone.

"H. Reisz", aka The Twilight Phantom // The Clawed Captain | LF (Looked Upon Fondly) | Oneirotect Silverer | ???

Hyacinthe R., aka The Sombre Pursuer | Nem | future Correspondent & Seeker | English-Romanian

"Zé Brito" or "Sev", aka The Zealous Backlander | BaL | future Monster-Hunter | Mixed Brazilian-British

feel free to send a CC or even just random in-character letters & menace help reqs :3c im a lil rusty but i'd love to write more

always open to asks/interactions here as well, just keep in mind i might take A While to respond as i am but an hermit with the barest of executive functions

trying to use this hyperfixation to practice digital art so there'll be random experimental doodles here as i try to find out wtf i am doing. everytime i open a canvas its a surprise. youve been warned

tags:

#chaindoodles -> art tag, #chainrambles -> text tag #fl liveblogging, #flore (fl lore)

#the twilight phantom -> the (main) blorbo

#nightmarriage -> my blorbo hoards trash. block this to be spared from witnessing their arguably most questionable decision (i.e chaining their stalker to themself so they won't be alone)

content warnings:

#light fingers spoilers (also general tag for LF) #nemesis spoilers, #evolution spoilers

just to be safe, i tag eyestrain/bright colours for some art.

#suggestive in case i draw (or write?) smth that can be perceived as saucy, spicy, horn knee, overtly kinky or implied nsfw. there wont be anything Actually explicit here though

i like #blood and injuring my characters both mentally and physically. so uh. that. possibly violence.? jokes aside, i like exploring heavy themes: mental health & psychological issues; abuse; general horror; death & grief; alienation; one's relationship with pain & self-destruction, intentional or not - these are all concepts that are gonna be present in the things i make one way or another. some mild religious iconography as well bc although im not religious i was raised catholic & i like playing w/ the aesthetic.

#body horror (mostly the shapeling arts kind)

??

#poor edward

So who's this "Twilight Phantom"?

I play a strict game with myself when it comes to my main blorbo: 99% of what the FLPC does, in the exact order i do it, is canon.

This also applies to small things like their possessions/wardrobe, for example - they pretty much only have the in-game items I own in the account to wear. Finding out reasons to explain why they keep the things they own is part of the fun. (this game made them out to be a weirdo, naturally.)

It's been lots of fun to see this clean slate (and i do mean clean - i knew nothing about the setting/lore, or who they were as a person, so. well. this guy didn't either) get shaped by RNG, the narrative, And my mechanical wiki-fueled optimization decisions.

another extra rule i made for myself as a treat was making them a sponge to compensate for their inherent emptiness. this means they incorporate something from each important NPC they get involved with. they are a singer because of Clara and her twin. they only own a lab & got interested in studying & research bc of Dr. Vaughan. they got a taste for exercise bc they accompanied Hephaesta's workouts for so long. and so on and so forth.

ill make a better, dedicated profile post eventually but for now have a playlist + an old vague intro + some early refs below:

[last updated: never. this is my self-callout to write abt recent developments bc ohh boy evolution was an entire year's worth of timeline progression.]

The first thing you notice about them is the cowl lazily draped around their head and shoulders, swaying behind their back like a cape in the colours of sunrise-- or, perhaps most familiarly, the velvety twilight that the newest star every so often provides to London.  The second thing is the deep scars covering one side of their face, and the third thing would probably be the heavy eyebags under their sharp, dark eyes.

A relatively freshly-minted Silverer, H. Reisz spends more time in Parabola than London nowadays. Not that they had been in London for too long anyway, and it's not like anyone knows where they were before that either. The surface, yes, but it's a big world out there, right? They don't actually remember seeing the sun, or the sky, but H cannot deny the soft colours of twilight and sunrise have a special place in their heart. They recognise it without the memory of experiencing it, just like they recognised love in the depths of a certain Labyrinth. Hmm, two Labyrinths, actually. There was that one heiress too... and the Orphanage was inside one hell of a maze too... if they had a coin every time they found themself inside labyrinths, they'd... Uh, where were we? Well, anyway, being a new face, they had nothing to be known for so they simply gave out their surname instead. Or well, what they assumed to be their surname. "H. REISZ" were the letters sewn-in on a diminute corner of the tattered black veil that wrapped their head back when they woke up for the "first" time. They were surrounded by near-empty bottles of dried mouldy honey, absinthe, and who knows what else. Ah, the decadence... they couldn't even remember what honey could do at the time but they could recognise the stench of self-destruction right away, haha.  Alas, if things were so bad they got to that point-- maybe this explains why moving on was so easy. Maybe they had somehow lobotomized themself on purpose. Who knows? They sure don't. It was only now, a year or so after waking up, that an epithet has started to stick around-- specifically by their actions as a Silverer and the services they provided. From nightmare-slaying to fishing out vestigial memories (the irony of an amnesiac doing this is not lost on them) to guiding and safeguarding lost dreamers, their glimmering signature cowl and the way it flowed rather phantasmagorically in Parabola started to leave an impression. To many dreamers, seeing a hint of pastel twilight colors signaled safety. It signaled someone you could trust to get inside your head. :)

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

“fatphobia” for oversized shirts most chronically online shit ive ever heard LMAO?

fatphobia isnt real—no one wants to be unhealthy and it shouldn’t be promoted its ridiculous

I feel like I should actually make a bingo card for this lmao. that would be fun

I'll take 'automatically equating weight to health' and 'saying that fat people existing in any space and wanting love and acceptance is promoting being fat or promoting obesity'

saying that 'fatphobia isn't real' is the free space lmao

I also love it when people say 'chronically online' to diminish someone's argument or to say that someone's problems aren't real. like as if fat people - especially fat women, don't get called ugly, told they are unlovable, are heinously bullied, are diminished in every other area of life, only to come online trying to find some mental escapism and then find most fandoms and fanfiction spaces taken over by skinny people unconsciously saying they are unlovable as well

and you're right! nobody wants to be unhealthy. being unhealthy fucking sucks.

but as someone with a genetic disorder who was near death at my lightest weight and whose weight constantly fluctuates because of my chronic illness - people don't get to fucking choose if they are healthy or not. (and 90% of people don't get to choose their weight/body type either.) skinny able bodied just believe that they choose to be skinny and healthy when it is 100% luck of the draw, and every single able bodied person is one bad accident or one disease away from being disabled and unhealthy and unlucky.

think about that. you are under the fucking delusion that being fat automatically means being unhealthy (not true) and being skinny automatically means being healthy (boo) and skinny people have just made magically better, wiser choices in order to end up in the smart, happy, skinny group. no! skinny people can have genetic disorders, cancer, autoimmune diseases - and fat people can run marathons and exercise every single day and be in peak health. most people who participate in strong man competitions are someone you would consider 'fat', and they are major athletes.

also - can we just fucking annihilate the idea that existing as a fat person is 'promoting' being fat? like if writing fanfiction including fat people to make myself and all the amazing fat people in fandoms feel loved and feel included is 'promoting' fatness - then I will promote it all fucking day.

💖 my blog is now the #1 promoter of being fat 💖

and that is not a negative thing. I just want fat people out there to feel loved and included. and that is the most healthy mindset in the world for people who have been bullied and told they are unworthy their whole lives

also, by your logic, any time that smoking or alcohol is mentioned in fics then those things are being 'promoted'. when these things are just a part of life and people write about them because they exist irl. just like fat people do. gasp! so please - suck a fart out of my ass and go apologize to every single fat person you know for being so damn ignorant (but I don't expect you to actually keep any fat friends with your attitude lmao)

[mrsdeliberatecreater]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Okay love. I need you to do something for me. Take 3 deeeeep breaths.

Okay?

I understand you completely. I understand what are going through completely. I'm Indian, so I know how it can be. I got yelled at by my sister for thinking that I might have ADHD. 👀 Its all good now though. I also used to deal with debilitating anxiety two years ago.. I barely left my room, let alone go to school for a master's degree that I chose and got into serious debt for.. I'm not making this about me, but I just want you know that change is possible.

Anytime you start to feel bad, a anxiety attack coming on, I want you to just keep taking calming deep breaths and focus on the now. Focus on the things you see, things you can hear, smell, etc. Its the feeling of "now". Come back to the "now" as many times as needed if you feel negative thoughts. I would affirm, "Everything is okay, everything will be okay", pick an affirmation that feels natural to you, and affirm.

If you like subliminals, I would recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX6BKBzVgfk&t=4s This has stopped so many of my anxiety attacks before I learned to let them go..

If not keep doing the breathing exercises. You will find that by repetition this will eventually release the reasons for feeling anxiety in the first place. Take things one day at a time. If it gets bad, ask someone you trust for help.

We alll have doubts. Doubts are fine. As long as you are just focused on the end/wish fulfilled/affirming, you are fine, even with doubts. You don't need to believe with 100% everything till you burst a blood vessel. If you feel like your doubts are overwhelming you, decide that nothing, not even you can stop your desires from manifesting. <3

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you". - Matthew 17:20

If you have the time, I would highly recommend IlluminatingJoy on youtube, especially her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2xyCcoues&t=1727s

She has a really good grasp on manifestation and explains everything so well and accommodates it to fit our "logic", while completely validating human emotions. The exercise she does in this video is so so simple but seriously effective. I catch myself slipping at least once a day that would have spiraled if I hadn't done the exercise.

Also if you want to do this in a day, I want you to focus on your mental diet. Affirm affirm affirm.

If negative thoughts come up, you breathe and think "I can relax, I got all A's". Anything in the 3D reminds you think, "I can relax, I got what I wanted. Your family being mean to you? remember how in class after lunch, your teacher is talking but you're thinking about something else.

Also speaking of that, I know you said you can't your images clearly. That's fine. Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

My visualizations are never clear and I manifest everything I imagine all the time. They all have that "vignette" effect lol..

Imagination can be a picture, it can be a smell, a touch, a voice, just how someone's clothes smell when they are standing really close to you like in an elevator. Like you can specifically smell it but you KNOW what I'm talking about right?

Your loved ones in your face? Use it YOUR ADVANTAGE. I used to hear my sister compliment me, it was easy to hear her voice. I primarily used her voice to fix our relationship. Cannot for the life of me picture her face properly but thats FINE.

You can use ANY of the senses, just one or two or all. Hear your family saying things you want in your mind. Hear them congratulating you, compliment you.

You can slowly work this into all the other aspects of your life...

By the way, you aren't lost and empty. You are a very caring person, you want to do things so that you don't let your family down, in spite of how they treat you. That to me is a genuinely caring person.

But you need to apply that same care to yourself. You don't need me to be harsh to you, YOU don't need to be harsh to you. You are working so hard to find answers but you ARE the answer. Its okay. Please just rest. Its all yours. Be more soft to yourself, be more kind to yourself, compliment yourself, you will start to see that kindness reflected in the 3D as well.

I have given you a lot of options here so you can pick and choose what makes YOU feel better so that YOU can focus on SELF because

Nothing to change but self

Reach out to me as many times as you would like, you could never bother me.

Nya 🌺

[phagodyke]

when the post workout worldcrushing depression hits 🤪

[xxkr1sz]

Day 3

Today's been good! Gonna try to look at the positives more than the negatives in these posts 💦😅 even if no one really reads em, it's nice to reflect on my day.

☮️General: Anyway, today I had therapy and it's really helping me understand myself and changing how I think. The therapist is really nice too! Also.. I'm going to be going to Poland on a trip!! Woo hoo! For the rest of tonight I'm going to make myself a cup of tea with almond milk ( hopefully tastes alright lol ) and do some Christmas shopping

Sleep 😴: I googled it and 18yos should be getting 7 or more hours of sleep so I think I'm doing okay! Nothing to fix here

Food 🥝: The morning was really lazy but I managed my portion when having breakfast today ( branflakes ) . For lunch I had a sandwich, apple and rice cake 😋. I had a snack today but thankfully not hundreds 🙏. For dinner I made vegetable soup! The last time I made soup I was 13 hahaha. It was sooo gooood. I made some more for tomorrow. I also went shopping today and bought a lot of healthy food!! For snacks..my enemy.. I bought these low cal weight loss bars which are < 80 cals and tinned peaches. The reason why I'm not cutting snacks out completely is because my brain would just snack on whatever is in the house and it would just lead to lots of cals eaten. Tryna lower my cals then cut out snacks completely 🤞

College 🎓: My assignment is due in on the 29th and I'm so nervous. I still need to finish it and make some alterations.. wish me luck 🤞 I had class for Planning and management today and it was just a recap on the assignment. Wildlife management was interesting! We did a recap on conflicts between humans and the British Wildlife. We then learned about different organisations (GO'S) and (NGO's). One is managed by the government, the others independent ect

👟Exercise: No walk today!! Buttt I went on the treadmill and did a 30 min walk at 15 incline. My legs were dying after 😂

🧴Skincare ect: I had a shower and used my skin stuff this morning. I think my spots are getting a little better. However, the spots on my backs and arms are so bad now since I've started HRT it's crazy. Before I started HRT I had little to no spots on my face and had a few odd ones on my shoulders. So I think my best bet is riding this out until the hrt settles 🤷‍♂️

Overall today was a 6/10 day!!

Improvements: WAKING UP IN THE MORNING!! I feel awful when I sleep in. But I'm not even joking you I can't hear my alarm in the morning. Not because I'm too fast asleep.. but because I'm literally deaf. Both of my ears get blocked at night and in the morning so I lose my hearing 😭😢. Ive put in drops today and yesterday. I really need to see a pharmacy about getting this fixed. Gonna set hundreds of alarms for tomorrow to make sure I HEAR THE ALARM!! Another improvement, I'm going to write a schedule but not make it too restrictive. Maybe just in the morning I'll make it more controlled.

Anyways, goodnight everyone!!

[akajustmerry]

TW Body dysmorphia / diet discussion.

Ive never been thin in my life, always average to average+, but recently bc of some health issues I put on a ton of weight and it's been horrible, fighting myself at every turn to not resort to terrible methods to cut corners and magically return to how I've always been. I try very hard not to listen to diet culture shit, I think it's mostly scams anyway. But it's also so hard to accept body changes you had no control over. and EVERYTHING, especially doctors will encourage you to 'lose weight' as if 'just eat healthier and cut on the pasta and bread' (literally what my doctor told me) was a solution for everyone. Also fuck I hate exercising and I love eating and my partner loves to eat and to cook and it's so fucking hard trying to restrain myself when rich, delicious nutritive food permeates the house. Anyway you probably know all this but I feel so frustrated. Nobody around me understands. They're all like 'oh but you don't look fatter' (I gained 20kgs in the span of 2 years.. it's not in my head guys I did get significantly noticeably fatter) or 'just exercise'.... exercise with me then if it's that easy damn. I'm not a diet girl I can't survive on a cucumber and a tomato salad especially when my partner makes, like, risotto for dinner or something. Anyway. All this to say I wish there was more fucking grace for people going through changes in their bodies and weight gain and such.

hi there. I have almost identical thoughts and feelings due to similar circumstances. I understand how frustrating and miserable it is to be constantly fighting yourself and not really know how to talk about it with people so they'll be supportive. one thing i try to do is give myself the grace that others won't. I also try to educate myself as much as possible about how weight and dieting actually works so I can mentally combat the diet culture bullshit. listening to the podcast, Maintenance Phase has done so much for me in terms of unlearning fatphobia. another thing I try to practice is just being neutral about my body, thinking of it in terms of what it can do and what it needs rather than what it should be. Easier said than done I know. And I know it's really hard not to compare yourself to past you, especially when other people do it but I try to think of weight as an arbitrary thing like fashion sense when it comes to thinking of past you. I think back to clothes I wore 10 years ago and many of them I wouldn't wear now because they're unappealing and I don't dress that way anymore. I try to think of weight the same way like it's just another thing of the 1000 things that change with time. Just give yourself the grace others don't for your own sanity. It won't fix everything, of course. But it might relieve some of the mental strain. Just do what you can for yourself. Even 5 minutes walking around your living room is better than no excercise regardless of weight. Adding veges/fibre/fruit to any meal you can is great even if you can't do it every day. And most importantly, Eating is always better for you than starving yourself. Every time. I hope it gets easier for you to be in your body, truly ❤️

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[dino-mp3]

blog intro :)

3-23-24

Hello I’m Dino! I wanted to make an introduction post for my tumblr since I decided I wanted to start posting to motivate myself and others! I thought it would be nice to list my personal goals, interests, etc. :)

also pls ignore any grammar issues I don’t feel like putting this through Grammarly :,)

Goals

Work towards a 4.5 gpa: I have currently maintained a 4.2 gpa for this school year I wish it was 4.5, but I have 2 b’s :( So I’m going to work towards a 4.5 for this last quarter and senior year!

Become a better speaker: My ultimate career is to be a lawyer! With that comes working to be a better speaker. I get quite nervous when it comes to taking to a large group of people and start to talk fast. On top of this at my mock trial meet I messed up my direct horribly because of how nervous I was to talk in front of the judge and jury :,)

Get best lawyer during Mock Trial Comp: I won best attorney this year, but I don’t think I deserved it…I want to be more confident in my win this time around!

4 or 5 on AP Exams: I want to get a 4 or 5 on both my AP Lang and APUSH Exams in May! I need to study and practice hard though, but I’m willing to put the hard work in ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

Practice flute more often: I play the flute for my schools band and while I have only been playing for 7 months now I have to keep up with people who have been playing for 5+ years :,) With that I want to practice more to keep up and for my personal interest of just becoming more skilled with the flute!

Turing in homework on time: I have made a bad habit of turning my homework in late which is so bad oml I need to get out of it

Exercise: I want to start working out regularly to lose some weight :) While I’m at a healthy weight I just want to lose a few pounds for aesthetic purposes, but in a healthy manner!

Love myself more: I forget to remind myself that I have gotten so far and I have evolved over the years. I want to make sure that I know that I’m worthy of love even when I’m at my lowest.

Interests

Music: I’m a big fan of all genres (even some country songs too) but I’m a big listener of k-pop! But here is a list of my favorite groups + musicians: Red Velvet, Melanie Martinez, Laufey, Idelwork, Frank Sinatra, NMIXX, Ive, Megan Thee Stallion, Flo Milli, Poppy, Lesserafim, Aespa, Newjeans, Infinity Song, Kiss of Life, and many more!

Media: I’m not going to list every kind of media I’m into but here is a small taste! Big fan of ARGs, Indie Horror games (puppet combo specifically), Mascot Horror games (FNAF + Poppy Playtime), Anime (although I haven’t watched anything recently, but my fave is TBHK), K-dramas and Thai-dramas, YouTube video essays (TRO, iNabber, Primik, Stephanie Soo), Cartoons (Owl House, Gravity Falls, Amphibia, MLP, stuff like that), RPG + Dating Sim games (Shooter game HATER here), Sitcoms, Snoopy/Peanuts, Miraculous Ladybug (biggest MariChat lvr) Twisted Wonderland (Azul my love) and a BUNCH more things I’m into, but I’m not going to list them all like I said :,)

Hobbies: Doing my nails, playing my flute, writing fanfics (don’t judge I BEGGG), reading (pls recommend books for me to read, I love the classics too), deco (for my photo cards and notebooks lol), and makeup!

I think that should suffice for my introduction, though it looks a bit long…I’m a blabber could you tell?

Anyways thank you for sticking around for the end! If you want to see any updates on my goals or read my blabber about my interests don’t hesitate to follow me! (Also follow me on Ao3 @/dino_mp3 if you’re an Azul lvr bc all my fanfics are about him) This tumblr is more of a casual stop for me to be more myself and work towards a better me :) But thank you again and I hope you have a good day/night! Don’t forget to drink water :D

-Dino

[undeadself]

past couple of days ive been able to keep myself on track! really tried hard to listen to myself and not force myself to keep eating when i didn't want or need to.

today i did unfortunately overeat, but not to such a degree where i feel very bad about it. i just ate more of a snack than i probably needed to. i'm trying to be nice to myself about when i make mistakes cause it's really not the end of the world. i tend to spiral sometimes into a "ugh this is why i'm so fat, i'll never get better and i never learn" mindset and that's obviously not gonna help if i wanna recover!

i got a TON of exercise in yesterday and now i'm super sore but proud of myself. my last workout was a good while ago so it felt nice to be active again.