#water makes in sand. And I’d wonder sometimes

[chieffestivalearthquake]

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[ikkyfics]

Whispers of the Sea

dad!Remus Lupin x mom!reader

Summary: Remus looked at her with a mixture of wonder and reverence. It was as if no matter how many times he held her like this, the miracle of having her there never ceased to amaze him. "Look at that, my little star," he whispered, his voice low and filled with tenderness. "Do you see how the sea seems endless? It's as big as the world waiting for you."

Warnings: flufy, est. relationship, no war au, no use of a baby name, no use of y/n, after hogwarts (obviosly), Remus was born to be a dad

A/N: I hope the quality hasn't dropped here

Masterlist

The salty breeze of the beach was gentle, carrying with it the rhythmic sound of waves breaking on the sand. The sky was painted in soft shades of blue and gold, and the sunlight danced lazily over the water, creating a scene so serene it felt like a dream.

Remus walked slowly, each step sinking slightly into the warm sand. In his arms, his daughter was nestled, her curious little eyes taking in everything around her. She was leaning against his chest, one tiny hand clutching the fabric of his shirt as if that small gesture could ensure she would never drift away from the safe harbor he provided.

He looked at her with a mixture of wonder and reverence. It was as if no matter how many times he held her like this, the miracle of having her there never ceased to amaze him. "Look at that, my little star," he whispered, his voice low and filled with tenderness. "Do you see how the sea seems endless? It's as big as the world waiting for you."

She didn’t respond, of course—she was still too young to understand his words. But the way her eyes sparkled, reflecting the infinite blue of the sky and sea, said she was absorbing it all in her own way. Remus smiled, leaning slightly to let the breeze touch her tiny face.

"Can you feel that?" he asked, his voice almost like a shared secret. "That’s the wind, sweet girl. It comes from places you don’t know yet, but one day... one day you’ll explore every corner of this world. And when that day comes, I’ll be here, helping you find your way."

The baby made a small sound, something between a sigh and a murmur. Remus gently ran a finger over her little face, brushing away a strand of hair that the breeze had stuck to her cheek.

"You know I’d do anything for you, don’t you, my little star?" he murmured, as if making a promise. "I’ll always be here. Always."

She responded in the only way she knew—letting out a soft sound that resembled a giggle and reaching out her tiny hand toward his face.

Watching the two of them from a distance, you felt a sweet ache in your chest. The scene was so full of love it was impossible not to be moved by it. Remus was completely absorbed in his daughter, his movements slow and careful, as if holding her was the most sacred thing in the world. But he noticed when you approached, and the smile he gave as he lifted his eyes was enough to make your heart skip a beat.

"Someone’s eavesdropping," he teased lightly, his tone still filled with that softness he reserved for the two of you.

"How could I not?" you replied, closing the distance between you and placing a hand on his arm. "You speak as if you’re reciting poetry. It’s hard not to be enchanted."

Remus chuckled quietly, but the laughter faded quickly as he looked at you. "It’s just... sometimes I still wonder if all of this is really real." He lowered his eyes to the baby, now distractedly tugging at the fabric of his shirt. "Having you two... it’s more than I ever thought possible. And yet, here you are."

Your hand moved to his face, your fingers gently stroking his cheek. "We’re here, Remus. And we’re not going anywhere."

He closed his eyes at your touch, leaning slightly into your hand as if that simple gesture could ground him. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze locked onto yours, intense and filled with emotion. "I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life being grateful."

He leaned forward slightly, and you closed the distance, his lips brushing against yours with a tenderness that seemed to convey everything he hadn’t yet put into words. When the kiss ended, he rested his forehead against yours, breathing deeply.

You kept your hand on his face. "You do deserve this, Remus. You deserve so much."

When he opened his eyes again, you couldn’t help but notice the details that made him who he was. The soft curve of a scar running across his jaw, a reminder of the battles he faced every month. His tousled brown hair, with a few prematurely gray strands, the result of stress and pain he had carried for so long. But to you, every detail was perfect. Each mark told the story of the man he was—strong, resilient, and so full of love that it seemed impossible he had ever doubted himself.

You smiled, your eyes tracing every familiar inch of his face. "You know how beautiful you are, don’t you?"

Remus chuckled softly, the sound almost disbelieving. "Beautiful, huh?" He shook his head, but a slight blush colored his cheeks.

"Yes," you said firmly, letting your hand slide from his cheek to his neck, where your thumb traced a small circle. "And not just because you gave me her." Your gaze shifted to the baby, still nestled in his arms, her rosy cheeks and curious eyes darting between you and him.

As if she realized she was the topic of conversation, the little one began babbling something unintelligible, her chubby hands reaching determinedly toward you.

Remus looked at his daughter, his smile softening even further, if that were possible. "Oh, you want to go to Mommy, little star?" he asked, his voice brimming with pure adoration.

He adjusted her in his arms with care, moving with the ease of someone who had performed the gesture countless times, and handed her to you. As soon as you held her, she snuggled into your embrace, one tiny hand gripping the fabric of your blouse as if to ensure you wouldn’t go anywhere.

"Well, I guess I’ve lost my spot," Remus joked, crossing his arms and watching the two of you with a satisfied smile.

"Maybe," you replied with a playful grin. "But only because she knows where the best lap is."

"She’s smart," Remus agreed, marveling at his daughter’s tiny hands with a look of fascination. "She knows exactly where she wants to be."

You laughed, gently stroking the baby’s soft hair as she gazed at Remus, clearly still expecting his attention. "She knows she has the best dad in the world," you said, smiling at him.

Remus ran a hand through his hair, the gesture slightly self-conscious, but the light in his eyes gave away how much your words meant. He stepped closer, leaning in to kiss his daughter’s forehead and then pressing his lips softly to yours. "I have the two most incredible people in the world," he murmured, his voice low but full of sincerity.

Remus wrapped his arms around the two of you, holding you in an embrace that seemed to promise that no matter what happened, you would always be home to each other.

"She’s mesmerized by the sea," he remarked, looking at the baby in your arms, now blinking drowsily as if the motion of the waves and the gentle rocking of the sea breeze were lulling her to sleep. "I think someone’s going to have sweet dreams tonight," he murmured, his voice full of affection.

And you knew he was right. Because with him, all dreams—hers, yours, and his—had found a safe place to exist.

[apoemaday]

If I Had Three Lives

by Sarah Russell

After “Melbourne” by the Whitlams

If I had three lives, I’d marry you in two. The other? Perhaps that life over there at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing -- a memoir, maybe a novel or this poem. No kids, probably, a small apartment with a view of the river, and books -- lots of books, and time to read. Friends to laugh with, and a man sometimes, for a weekend, to remember what skin feels like when it’s alive. I’d be thinner in that life, vegan, practice yoga. I’d go to art films, farmers markets, drink martinis in swingy skirts and big jewelry. I’d vacation on the Maine coast and wear a flannel shirt weekend guy left behind, loving the smell of sweat and aftershave more than I did him. I’d walk the beach at sunrise, find perfect shell spirals and study pockmarks water makes in sand. And I’d wonder sometimes if I’d ever find you.

[ombre-ame]

If I had three lives, I’d marry you in two.

The other? Perhaps that life over there

at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing — a memoir,

maybe a novel or this poem. No kids, probably,

a small apartment with a view of the river,

and books — lots of books, and time to read.

Friends to laugh with, and a man sometimes,

for a weekend, to remember what skin feels like

when it’s alive. I’d be thinner in that life, vegan,

practice yoga. I’d go to art films, farmers markets,

drink martinis in swingy skirts and big jewelry.

I’d vacation on the Maine coast and wear a flannel shirt

weekend guy left behind, loving the smell of sweat

and aftershave more than I did him. I’d walk the beach

at sunrise, find perfect shell spirals and study pockmarks

water makes in sand. And I’d wonder sometimes

if I’d ever find you.

Sarah Russell

After “Melbourne” by the Whitlams

@ombre-ame upload

Oct 11/24

[formulalfc]

“I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings”.

Ever since you and Lando started dating he would make it his mission that after ever date you two went on he would make you a paper ring. To you it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you, to him it was a promise that one day there would be a real ring in its place.

You had kept every single ring he had made and put them safely in a box that you sometimes open and looked at when you were missing Lando.

Today’s date had been wonderful, finally finding enough time for each other over the summer break to go out for dinner and enjoy each other’s company for a few hours without worrying about any interruptions from work and responsibilities.

You had just finished dinner and Lando had suggested you both take a walk down the private beach that was connected to the restaurant he had hired out for the evening. You had quickly agreed, slipping your heels off your feet as you reached the sand, intending to dip your feet in the water.

The beach was lit up with twinkling fairly lights and lanterns, casting a warm glow down the short stretch to the water. You and Lando walked down towards the waterfront, an excited skip in your step.

You felt Lando let go of your hand but carried on walking thinking he was tying his shoelace or would rather watch you from further back, until you heard Lando say your name from behind you.

You turn around, a small gasp escaping you when you saw Lando down on one knee with a red velvet box in his hand and a soft smile on his face.

[vodika-vibes]

Hello the wonderful and talented Vod'ika!

Congrats on 500 followers!!

Could I request Arc Trooper Jesse, Peridot, and a Late Summer Evening?

😍 You have sparked my adoration for Jesse.

Thank you!

And The Cicadas Sang

Summary: Everything about Jesse is strong, including his love for his cyare.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Jesse x F!Reader

Word Count: 584

Prompt: Peridot - Strong Love

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: I'm always happy to share my love for Jesse. He's my baby. So, my idea for this story came from long summers spent listening to the cicadas scream outside my bedroom while I was a teenager. I hope you like it!

Jesse leans back in the chair, his eyes closing as he lets the song of summer wash over him. His cyare, his perfect beautiful cyare, likes to laugh and shake her head when he calls the cicadas that.

Still, aside from a few lightly teasing remarks, she doesn’t judge him overly much for his fascination with these insects.

“I knew I’d find you out here,” There’s the familiar sound of a glass door sliding open, and Jesse opens his eyes to tilt his head back, a grin crossing his face when he sees her standing there. She’s dressed down…way down, a tank top and her panties and not much else. “How are you not melting into a puddle? There’s no Air Conditioning out here.”

“Come on, cyare. It’s not that bad.”

She makes a face at him and gestures vaguely to her hair, which is starting to frizz from the humidity, in spite of the late hour.

“You’re wrong.”

Jesse’s grin broadens, “You look beautiful.”

“Ugh.”

“Cyare~” He shifts on the chair so he’s half facing her and holds his hands out to her, “Come and sit with me.”

She sighs, “We’re going to be eaten alive by mosquitos, Jesse.” But, even so, she opens the screen door and steps onto the back porch to join him, “You’re lucky I don’t have any neighbors, or else they’d be getting a show.”

“They’d all think, ‘damn, that Jesse guy is a lucky asshole’.” Jesse replies, catching her hips when she steps around him to sit in the other chair. He tugs her onto his lap and swings her legs sideways over the arm of the chair, “There, isn’t that better?”

“It’d be better if it wasn’t so hot.” She complains, even as she tucks her head against his shoulder and lightly rubs her cheek against the thin material of his shirt.

“If it was colder, we couldn’t be outside together.” Jesse tightens his arms around her and lightly nudges her with his shoulder, “And you look stunning under the starlight.”

She averts her gaze with a shy laugh, and Jesse feels his heart swell. She’s so adorable, even with everything they’ve done together, after all the time they’ve been dating, she still gets embarrassed when he compliments her.

Maker, he loves her so much.

He nudges her one more time, and she lifts her gaze to meet his, “I love you.” Jesse murmurs, “So much.”

Her lips curl up into a small smile, “How much?”

Jesse leans in and bumps his forehead against hers, his gaze remaining locked with her own, “I love you more than there are stars in the sky. More than all of the water on Kamino. More than all of the sand on Tatooine-”

She tilts her head and catches his lips with her own, silencing his rambling. Her hands, soft and warm and gentle, come up to caress his face, and gentle fingers trace the tattoo on his face.

“I love you just as much,” She whispers against his lips, “Thank you for choosing me.”

“Thank you for allowing yourself to be chosen.” Jesse replies, before he catches her lips in another, deeper, kiss.

Sometimes, true love is finding each other after a decade apart.

Other times, true love is finding a way to stay together even if you’re from different worlds.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes true love is sitting on your lover’s lap in the muggy summer heat listening to the cicadas sing the song of summer all around you.

[kikita-answers-lotf]

Hey!! Welcome to the club. I wondered what are your thoughts about the choirboys. Merridew, Roger, Alexander, Maurice, Ainsworth, ect. What do you think of them?

The choir boys

“Overall, I like them, they are pretty cool and if I ask, they sing songs by the fire place at night, it makes things lighter and we even managed to “throw a little party”.”

“Jack Merridew. Always acting high and mighty but having so much insecurities it’s sickening. He could’ve been a friend if only he stopped nagging me at forcing to join my “savage” side and try to get me to join his hunters. I am always warry around him, he always tries to intimidate me and tell me bad stuff about civilization and force me to join him, even sometimes physically, I despise it. Im uncomfortable with him.”

“Then there’s Roger, he’s an odd one. We already argued because I saw him throw rocks at Johnny. I never know what to expect from him, when I fought Merridew, he slapped me but the others interrupted before it could go any further. Since then, we keep our distances and I watch him from afar, he’s actually pretty isolated, I’d like to understand him…”

“There’s Bill and Maurice. I somehow never see one without the other, they are best friends, isn’t it amazing? I haven’t got any time to get to know Bill, but we played together in the sand once. With Maurice, it’s different. He’s like the fun type, even if I don’t always get his jokes and sometimes he’s offensing but he’s still pretty cool and sometimes gives me shells.”

“Then there’s Everette!! Everette is my best friend, he’s simply the best! We always stick to each others and even if he’s moody and always complaining, I do love spending time with him. He always teaches me mew stuff, he seems very attached to his mom and his beliefs. Lately though, things are getting pretty tense. More and more boys are telling me Everette hates me. I don’t wanna believe it. But sometimes its hard.”

“Simon? Oh I love him! He’s just the sweetest, he may even be my favorite person. He’s so calm and helps me handle the Littluns. He took me to his “quiet place” one night and it was a beautiful clear place, where we could bury ourselves in high grass and flowers while relaxing under the sun with a water steam not too far. We don’t need to talk to communicate our mutual feelings, and it’s refreshing. People says he’s “queer”. What does that even mean? Probably someone who’s very kind hearted and wholesome, because that’s all Simon is.”

“I saw Asa around, we never spoke much, but what I remember is that he’s intelligent and looks like a howl with his glasses. He oftens seeks my help with finding plants, I try my best and I think he doesn’t dislike me, which is pretty good since he seems to hate everyone.”

“I saw Michael around. Well, not my Michael, but Messenger Michael! I like him, he’s easy-going and full of surprises he speaks Spanish ! He runs all over the island to deliver messages. I once accompanied him to see why he always did that. It was pretty scary to see how he switched from a group to another, how badly he talked about each groups and how he managed to maintain an angel face. I don’t know what to do anymore, since then, im warry of him. But humans are just like that, right? But…Why?”

-Kikita🦋

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

Norman will be answered individually in the next post!!💕

I didn’t drew alot since I was lazy so bear with my ugly ahhh sketches-

Have a nice day!!

Everette belongs to @everettes-requiem

Michael(the other) belongs to @ashenmxs

her Michael belongs to @mikeru6

Asa belongs to @feathery-bastard

[crisisthegirl]

What if Orpheus had just kept going, no looking back? Kevjean lyrics part 3

Jean, Kevin, both

previous: pt.1 , pt.2

What kind of man - Florence + The Machine

I was on a heavy trip

Tryna cross a canyon with a broken limb

You were on the other side

Like always, wondering what to do with life

I already had a sip

So I’d reasoned I was drunk enough to deal with it

You were on the other side

Like always, you could never make your mind

And with one kiss

You inspired a fire of devotion

That lasted 20 years

What kind of man loves like this?

-

Sometimes you’re half in and then you’re half out

But never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?

-

You’re a holy fool all coloured blue

Red feet upon the door

You do such damage, how do you manage?

Tryna crawl back in for more

-

But I can’t beat you

Cause I’m still with you

Oh mercy I implore

How do you do it?

I think I’m through it

Then I’m back against the wall

Heartlines - Florence + The Machine

Oh the river, oh the river, it's running free

And oh the joy, oh the joy it brings to me

But I know it'll have to drown me

Before it can breathe easy

And I've seen it in the flights of birds

I've seen it in you, in the entrails of the animals

The blood running through, but in order to get to the heart

I think sometimes you have to cut through (but you can)

You can, we can, we can

-

Keep it up, I know you can

Just keep following

The heartlines on your hand,

'cause I am

-

Odyssey on odyssey and land over land

Creeping and crawling like the sea over sand

Still I follow heartlines on your hand

This fantasy, this fallacy, this tumbling stone

Echoes of a city that's long overgrown

Your heart is the only place that I call home

Can I be returned? You can

You can, we can

-

What a thing to do

What a thing to choose

But know, in some way, I'm there with you

Up against the wall on a Wednesday afternoon

Ballad of the Costa Concordia - Car seat headrest

I used to like the mornings

I'd survived another night

-

Now I wake up in the mornings

And all the kindness is drained out of me

I spend hours just wincing

And trying to regain some sense of peace

If only I could sustain my anger

Feel it grow stronger and stronger

It sharpens to a point and sheds my skin

Shakes off the weight of my sins

-

I stay up late every night

Out of some general protest

But with no one to tell you to come to bed

It's not really a contest

-

And maybe you think

I'll learn from my mistake

But not this time

It's just gonna break me

-

And if I've lost you for good

Could there have been any other way?

Was the water filling up for years

Or did I wreck it all in a day?

-

I will put my hands up and surrender

There will be no more flags above my door

I have lost, and I always will be

-

It was an expensive mistake

It was an expensive mistake

My horse broke his back to get me here

I have his blood on my hands for no reason

But what was I supposed to do?

How was I supposed to know how to use a tube amp?

How was I supposed to know how to drive a van?

How was I supposed to know how to ride a bike without hurting myself?

How was I supposed to know how to make dinner for myself?

How was I supposed to know how to hold a job?

How was I supposed to remember to grab my backpack after I set it down to play basketball?

And how was I supposed to know how to not get drunk every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and why not Sunday?

(How was I supposed to know how to steer this ship?)

How was I supposed to know how to steer this ship?

How the hell was I supposed to steer this ship?

It was an expensive mistake

You can't say you're sorry and it's over

I was given a body that is falling apart

My house is falling apart

And I was given a mind that can't control itself

(And what about the pain I'm in right now?)

And I was given a ship that can't steer itself

(And what about a vacation?)

And what about a vacation to feel good?

My horse broke his back and left me here

How was I supposed to know?

And God won't forgive me

And you won't forgive me

Not unless I open up my heart

And how am I supposed to do that

When I go to this same room every night

And sleep in the same bed every night?

The same fucking bed

Red comforter with the (black) stripes

And the yellow ceiling light that makes me feel like I'm dying

This sea is too familiar

How many nights have I drowned here?

How many times have I drowned?

(How many times have I drowned?)

I give up

I give up

Let us take you back to where we came in

We were united, an undivided nation

We got divided, it was something inside us

And it was not us

We were so naive, we were just like animals

Told what to believe by the beasts who took control

We wanted control too, but that was normal

'Cause our life was one of survival

The decisions we've made, if you can call it deciding

With your life on the line, it'd be social suicide to change your mind

So we got mad and we split the scene

I give up

-

Let us take you back to where you came in

A man clinging to the cliff of revelation

So scared of what he would find, he started crying

"It was not me"

Stopped at the borderline, they stripped his disguise

So he read a book that won a Pulitzer prize

It was about death

It didn't help

He saw himself in it

-

And you wake up trembling

From a dream where I swam into the river

I reach out and hold you in my arms

I love you, I love you, I love you

The place where he inserted the blade - Black Country, New Road

You're scared of a world where you're needed

So you never made nice with the locals

But you tied me up slow with your vine, stuck

It takes a few years, but they break bones

-

It takes a few months, but our bones heal

We're stronger, we tell all our school friends

And they sign our cast in the playground

Darling, the rest of my body

It's yours, then

-

I know you're scared

Well, I'm scared too

Oh, that every time I try to make lunch

For anyone else, in my head

I end up dreaming of you

And you come to me

Show me the place where he inserted the blade

I'll praise the Lord, burn my house

I get lost, I freak out

You come home and hold me tight

As if it never happened at all

-

Where is your light?

Am I home?

-

I will try

Not to keep you too long

-

So, clean your soup maker and breathe in

Your chicken, broccoli, and everything

The tug that's between us

That long string

Concorde, Bound 2

And my evening

The good hunter's guide to a bad night

Darling, I'll spoil it myself

Thanks, you're leaving

Well, I tried just to stroke your dreams better

But darling, I see that you're not really sleeping

And I know

You're tired

Well, I'm tired too

that every time I try to make lunch

For anyone else, in my head

I end up dreaming of you

Show me the place where he inserted the blade

I'll praise the lord, burn my house

I get lost, I freak out

You come home, hold me tight

As if it never happened at all

Villain - Searows

I guess you thought i could fix the problem

You said, “tell me all that i’d miss”

I don’t know but I’m pretty sure it gets better than this

And maybe I should’ve stopped believing but I

Really wanted to try

Said I’d saved you

While I’m barely staying alive

-

And I knew it the second

You walked through the door

Yeah I had a bad feeling

I started a war

I’m gonna fuck it all up

And i’ll probably pay with my life

-

And I know that you told me

That everything’s fine

But i wrote this story

Before it was mine

And I know there’s a villain

But I’m worried it’s me this time

-

Turn me into a believer

Make me out as some old healer

I’ll change for the better and i’ll even make it last

For you

-

Turn me into a believer

I hardly recognize myself either

I’ll change for the better

And I’ll even make it last for you

The Alcott - The National, Taylor Swift

And the last thing you wanted

Is the first thing I'd do

I tell you my problems

You tell me the truth

It's the last thing you wanted

It's the first thing I'd do

tell you that I think I'm falling back in love with you

-

I sit there silently

Waiting for you to look up

I see you smile when you see it's me

I had to do something

To break into your golden thinking

How many times will I do this

And you'll still believe?

-

It's the last thing you wanted (tell me, which side are you on, dear?)

It's the first thing you do (give me some tips to forget you)

You tell me your problems (have I become one of your problems?)

And I tell you the truth (could it be easy this once?)

It's the last thing you wanted (everything that's mine is a landmine)

It's the first thing I'd do (did my love aid and abet you?)

I tell you that I think I'm falling back in love with you

-

I'll ruin it over for you (why don't you rain on my parade?)

I'll ruin it for you (shred my evening gown)

I'll ruin it all over (read my sentence out loud)

And over like I always do ('cause I love this curse on our house)

Who we are - Hozier

You only feel it when it's lost

Getting through still has a cost

Quietly, it slips through your fingers, love

Falling from you drop by drop

-

What I had left here

I just held it tight

So someone with your eyes

Might come in time

To hold me like water

Or Christ, hold me like a knife

-

We're born at night

So much of our lives

Is just carving through the dark

To get so far

And the hardest part

Is who we are

It's who we are

-

You and I burned out our steam

Chasing someone else's dream

How can something be so much heavier

But so much less than what it seems?

Darling, we sacrificed

We gave our time to something undefined

This phantom life

Sharpens like an image

But it sharpens like a knife

[lifblogs]

Worth It

@ailesswhumptober Day 19 Dissociation, Losing a Sense, "I wish I could get you back"

Fandom: The Bad Batch Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Word Count: 1136 Summary: Crosshair finds himself mourning Tech again. READ ON AO3

“I wish I could get you back,” Crosshair said down at the datapad in his hands.

He was all alone, sitting by the water, waves gentle as they lapped against the sand. Crosshair hated this place. Hated it because it was too easy to forget he was a soldier, hated it because he could feel himself listening to the soothing voice of the waves, hated it because he didn’t know who he was supposed to be.

Hated it because Tech wasn’t here, like he had wanted.

“I—it’s not fair that the last time I saw you was when I wanted you to leave me. That I’d… hurt you. And before that… Everything was so confusing. But I think you knew I wasn’t myself.

“I lost track of days while… imprisoned, but I know it’s been over a year since I saw you last. I’m sorry for what I did, what I said. I’m… glad you understood me, but I wished I hadn’t been the problem then.”

Crosshair looked out across the vast ocean, wondering if that force could swallow him up.

But then what would have been the point of Omega finishing Tech’s final mission?

She had saved him when Tech couldn’t.

She had done that for him, because of who she was, who her family had built her into. There were things in her that resembled all of them, he was realizing. Her open, unashamed laughter made him think of Wrecker, her ability to lead and take charge in a crisis made him think of Hunter, he thought of Echo when she was kind, thought of himself when she was snarky, and… there was so much about her that was like Tech. The way she sometimes had a bunch of information to share, and she was going to share it one way or another. The way she’d raise a finger to make a point, or admit that a dangerous mission was fun.

Crosshair wiped away some wetness on his face.

“I wish you could see her, Tech. I wish you could see the—the brave, selfless girl you turned her into. She loves so hard, and she’s always willing to sacrifice. It’s hard to see her like that sometimes, but I guess she learned that from you.”

He sighed, clutching the datapad hard in his trembling hand.

“Sometimes I… well… I’m angry with you,” he got out, feeling a fire of betrayal burn deep in his chest, so fierce he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. The words came out anyway, like torture upon his lips, “I sent that message to make you go into hiding, to protect yourselves, protect Omega. I wish… I wish you hadn’t cared about me so much. Then—then…” Crosshair had to pause, finding it hard to get the words out, chest feeling like it was being pounded in with a hammer, his heart ready to rupture. “Then you’d still be here,” he eventually said.

What he didn’t voice was, Maybe I wouldn’t be.

But maybe that would have been better.

He had wanted Tech to stay away, had wanted him to live. And—and maybe Crosshair was the reason he was dead.

No, no. Tech knew what that message had meant.

He’d ignored it.

He’d ignored it because he had loved him.

And Crosshair didn’t feel like he had even deserved anything like love at that point, especially from his family. He had hurt them so much, had put fear in their hearts.

And now he was here, paying for it with Tech’s absence.

“I learned what you had done. From Hemlock, of all people. I didn’t believe it at first, but… Omega told me the whole thing. I wish you were here just so I could hit you and tell you what an absolute idiot you were. But then… then I wouldn’t have to tell you that because you’d be alive. You’d be alive.

“I know we’re soldiers. I know we’re supposed to die. Somehow I never thought how that would include you. I suppose I thought it was impossible that someone so talkative, so full of information and wonder, and with more intelligence than anyone I’ve ever known—that that person could… could die.

“I don’t know what to do without you. I keep going because I have no choice, but your death was just another torment for me. You hurt me. You hurt me, you kriffing idiot!” he cried. “What were you thinking? I know what you were thinking. Omega told me everything. I see how there was no other way, but there should have been! Maybe you should have just stayed here, and left me inside that mountain.”

Crosshair’s throat was sore from speaking so much. He didn’t know what else to say. Could loop across these same ideas over and over because what else was he supposed to do?

Yet after his tears dried, he looked out toward the ocean, out toward the sky.

“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for caring.”

“Who are you talking to?” Omega asked, making Crosshair jump.

For once he’d let his other senses get distracted, and hadn’t known she was approaching.

He hurriedly wiped his face.

“No one,” he responded.

Omega looked down at Tech’s datapad in Crosshair’s trembling hand.

She sat down beside him, gently holding his wrist.

“Guess I’ll talk to no one too.”

Crosshair let out a surprised laugh at her quick understanding, her little joke.

And they sat there in silence till the wind off the ocean left them chilly and racing back to the Marauder to get warm.

The others were out, and Omega was now flushed from all the running. She caught up with Batcher, and then said she’d get an ice cone for him.

Crosshair nodded, and went to put Tech’s datapad away.

He left it amongst his things they hadn’t had the heart to get rid of.

Maybe Hunter liked to torture himself with Tech’s broken, and bloodied goggles. But Tech was no longer in them, his spirit had not been in what helped him see, but in what he’d used and loved. Well, that was how Crosshair saw it.

He put a hand to the datapad, thanking it again.

Then he walked out into the sunlight—something he had thought he’d never see again. And that sun shone on him not just thanks to Omega, but thanks to Tech too.

He laughed as Omega came racing up, Batcher trying to eat one of the ice cones.

He took the blue one Omega offered, holding it well away from Batcher. He sat by the Marauder with his daughter, free, and missing Tech with every second.

He supposed that’s how love worked eventually: it always ended with sadness, bitter feelings, regrets.

But knowing Tech had made it all worth it.

[lnfours]

summer loving ⎸ t.h (teaser)

summary: your mom and tom’s mom grew up together, swearing that their kids would be life long friends. and it was true, the holland boys were a special part of your life. but on the annual trip to their beach house this summer, everything feels different. and that’s because it is.

au:  based on the book and tv show ‘the summer i turned pretty’ by jenny han. childhood friends to lovers

wc: a nice intro with 1k words

warnings: none yet, maybe some jealousy, hiding feelings for one another, some fluff and a bit of angst if you squint

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader

masterlist ⎸ chapter one ⎸ listen

the summer breeze was warm, salty air as the sun met the water of the ocean. you sat down on the sand, hands brushing over the towel you had laid down so you didn’t get sand all over your clothes. you had been reading, enjoying the peace and quiet as the sun went down. occasionally, people would pass you and smile as they walked the beach with their loved ones or their dogs, but not many people bothered you. 

you were too lost in daydreaming and watching the sky change from blue to a mix of pink, purple and red to realize someone sat down beside you. when you saw a flop of brown curls out of your peripheral, you realized it was just tom.

you and your brother and the holland brothers had been best friends ever since both of your moms had you. you were all like one big family at this point, tom and his brothers being almost inseparable between your brother which would sometimes leave you to hang out with the mom. you we’re complaining, the boys would do their own things sometimes and you and the moms would go get your nails done together or go shopping.

but, the thing with tom was that he’s always had a soft spot for you. whenever the older boys picked on you or was a little out of line, he would always hang back to make sure you were okay or to wipe your tears away and to remind you that you’re ‘way better than those losers’. 

which would make sense as to why you felt yourself growing attached to tom after the years went by, but this summer it felt different. a lot different. and you couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

“hey,” he smiled, looking over at you, “knew i’d find you here. you’re always on the beach on your first day.”

you sent him a small smile back, “yeah, i enjoy the peace and quiet.”

his face dropped and he moved to stand again, “sorry, i can go if you-”

“no, no, it’s okay,” you reassured him as he lowered himself back to the ground, “it’s okay. was getting kind of lonely out here, i must admit.”

he nodded, looking down at the book on the towel, “reading anything interesting?”

you shrugged, “depends, would you find a romance between a hockey player and a girl he goes to college with interesting?”

he scrunched his nose, “you were always the one who was into sappy shit like that, no wonder you always hung out with the moms.”

you rolled your eyes as you both let out a laugh, “yeah, i guess so.”

you didn’t notice the way his eyes softened as he looked over at you and studied your side profile. tom was different this summer, and you thought it had to do something between him and his girlfriend breaking up, but he didn’t really seem all that upset whenever he was mentioned. you wanted to pick his brain, be his support if he was going through something.

but just like the other holland boys, he was stubborn as hell. you knew getting him to open up would be a battle. you figured he knew if he ever needed to talk to you, he could. it was unspoken, but the two of you were the closest of the rest of the kids, so it just made sense. 

“you should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” you smirked over at him, catching him staring. he snorted back a laugh, fishing his phone out of his hoodie as he raised the camera to you.

you let out a laugh, covering your face, “i didn’t actually mean it!”

“oh, come on! i’m sure you’d love a candid to post on your instagram, make you look all sorts of mysterious.”

you shook your head, smiling at the camera as he snapped the picture, “perfect.”

“let me see,”

he snatched his phone back as he raised it over his head, “nope! for my eyes only.”

“tom! come on!” you laughed as you fought with him for the phone. he rose to his feet suddenly before wiggling it over your head.

“you gotta catch me if you wanna see it.” 

you were suddenly up and moving, ready for the challenge. you chased him down the beach as the both of you laughed, the two of you tumbling into the sand in a fight over the phone once more. it was playful, teasing almost as he laughed at you. you hadn’t noticed you were on top of him until your eyes met. you felt your heartbeat quicken as he quickly looked at your lips before locking his eyes back with yours.

suddenly it was like the air grew thick, like you couldn’t breathe. you felt him place a hand on your cheek, the phone now long forgotten about as you let him guide you down to his face. his lips brushed yours, his nose pressing against yours and you could feel his minty breath fan your face. you had been dreaming about this happening for years, your heart pounding against your chest as you thought about what it’d finally feel like to kiss tom holland.

that was until a voice pulled the two of you apart, you scrambling off of him in efforts to hide the fact that you were about to kiss him. 

and there stood sam with crossed arms, an unamused look on his face, “dinner’s ready. the moms want you two back.”

“yeah, yeah, we’re coming.” tom said, his own head spinning as he looked over at you. you sent him a tight lipped smile as he offered you his hand to help you up out of the sand.

“thanks,” you mumbled, grabbing your things from the spot you had been sitting at.

“yeah, no problem,” he said, “c’mon, the dinner rolls are the best when they’re fresh out of the oven.”

you nodded, following him back up the path and to the house wondering how you got into this situation with the oldest holland boy.

add yourself to my tagged list here

tagged:

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[sheffieldstrandliner]

Hartlepool, Feb 25

I spent the weekend in Hartlepool recently, with the express purpose of the trip being to spend time at the beach. Husband and dog in tow, we boarded a train from Sheffield, then another two trains to York and Hartlepool. On the way, I wondered about what I’d find.

Hartlepool is on the north east coast of England, a little ways south of Newcastle. The east coast doesn’t have the same sort of variety of sea creatures as the west and south coasts, but that’s not to say the east coast is boring by any means. It’s where I grew up, where I’ve spent the majority of my time beach combing, and where my love of the sea and its creatures started. The entire British coastline teems with life, which makes every bit of it special. I’d never been to Hartlepool before either, so I was excited. My guess was that it would be a sand or shingle beach, like much of the rest of the east coast.

Off the train, a quick lunch and then on to confirm my suspicions. We were staying close to the marina, but there was access to a proper beach not too far away. Down a set of concrete steps, the bottom few of which would clearly be submerged at high tide, to the sea.

Amongst the rocks piled up as sea defences, were absolute masses of black seaweed, thousands of barnacles and some of the biggest limpets I’ve ever seen.

The image above perhaps doesn’t do it justice. Some of the limpets were almost the size of my palm, able to stay secluded and safe enough, nestled in the rocks to avoid becoming food for any of the local seabirds or other creatures that might enjoy them.

Many of the rocks also were home to a number of mussel type bivalves, clustered together in bustling communities. Like the limpets, sheltered from the birds and other predators by the rocks and the tide.

Once I’d managed to tear myself away from the rocks and pools surrounding them, (and believe me, that was a challenge!) I turned my eyes to the water itself and the rest of the beach. The tide was all the way out, and just starting to come back in. My dog was contenting herself by paddling in the surf, tail wagging as she jumped among the rising waves.

Normally when I go to a beach, there’s one creature in particular that sticks out to me, and ends up defining the visit. This changes depending on the beach itself, the time of year, and what I’m lucky enough to see. Sometimes it’s something that feels rare and special, other times it’s just about sheer volume. This time, it was the latter. There were so many of these little shells scattered in the sand.

They varied a fair bit in colour. I found the yellow ones (pictured) particularly interesting, but many were lighter, with cream coloured bands. Some of the yellow ones had greenish tinges to them, although my camera didn’t pick that up especially well. Lots of them looked like this, the shells still attached but fanned out like a butterfly’s wings. Others had come apart, single colourful shells sticking out of the sand.

Despite their differences, all of them had the coloured bands like tree rings, all of them had this lovely wing-like shape, and subtle vertical stripes crossing their ‘rings’. Most also had a purple or blue ish interior. I didn’t take my coastal wildlife spotting guide away with me, mostly because we were doing a lot of walking and I didn’t want to carry it around, but I had a look for these creatures when I got home. Both my guide, and a quick reverse image search, seem to suggest that they are Banded Wedge Shells, or Donax vittatus. Apparently, they are most common on the south and north west coasts, but widespread across the UK.

I also found some of the usual suspects, mussel shells, common cockles and razor clams. I was surprised by the seeming lack of whelk and oyster shells. At this point, I hadn’t seen any evidence of crabs or anemones either which was also surprising given the amount of rocky nooks that seemed ideal for them. Because this was quite a flat beach though, the tide was rising quickly, and both my husband and dog were starting to get cold and frustrated with my lack of pace, so we moved on.

… to another beach! Hartlepool has a headland, meaning save for a few private industrial areas, you can more or less walk around the entire peninsula on the coast. We moved a bit further away from the marina, and onto headland north beach. Despite only being a 40 minute walk away, it had a very different feel from the first beach we visited. Not much in the way of high sea walls and man made rocks as sea defence. No thick layer of coal dust or charcoal settling on the sands. Not surprisingly then, we found different creatures!

I found evidence of crabs, but unfortunately no live ones. The tide was still rising, and as it did we could see lots of little bubbles in the surf, rising from tiny holes in the sand where no doubt crabs, clams or worms lie buried beneath our feet. I had to discourage my dog from digging into the sand so as not to disturb or harm them. I don’t think she is fast enough to catch them, but you never really know.

The coastline is more exposed here, and so there was much chunkier debris on the strandline as well. Some very smooth and interesting looking pieces of driftwood, as well as knotted rope and as much as it pains me to say it, a lot of plastic. But here there was also evidence of some interesting creatures as well. A very large star fish arm, empty crab shells and some decently sized sea snail shells. There were some rock pools here too, so I spent some time fruitlessly looking for crabs and anemones.

We weren’t able to stay on this beach as long as I would have liked. The day was waning, the tide was coming in and all three of us needed some food and a little rest. We did take a slight detour through the Heugh Battery museum, which is well worth the visit for any historian.

The following morning, we were back on the beach. Well, we were also on the beach at night, but I have no decent photos of that for obvious reasons. The tide was outgoing, and due to start rising again in a couple of hours. Again, we started with the sea defence rocks and surrounding pools. At last, I found my anemone!

A solitary and lonely jewel in the rock. I would have loved to see them at high tide, but alas, where I was standing to take the photo would be submerged by that point. I still kept a close eye on the rocks, encouraged by having seen this one, but found no others. Maybe there were lots behind rocks that I just couldn’t see!

The sea wasn’t done surprising me though. As the tide was low, lots of pools were exposed, and full of interesting creatures, even if I couldn’t see all of them. One thing that did surprise me though, was this little sea snail. Live, perched on some rock, nestled in a pool close to a jetty.

As you can see, this little guy also had passengers! You can just about see one of them fanning out to feed. I couldn’t quite work out what type of barnacles these were, and there were too many of them on the snail shell itself for me to feel confident in ident the type of sea snail. My guess is they are a common whelk though. I hope whatever was on that rock was tasty for them. In a nearby pool, there was evidence of similar creatures having attracted the attention of the seabirds. I like to think this one managed to stay safe and returned to the sea when the tide turned again.

Because my dog is a Labrador though, she is a water baby and was pining for a dip in the sea. We moved away from the pools and close to the surf so she could have a play in the water. Of course, I kept my eyes peeled for any other treasures on the shoreline. Like the previous day, there were a large number of Banded Wedge shells, mussels, razor clams and cockles. There were also a fair amount of sea bricks and other pebbles that are more common on the industrial shores of the UK. I even found some sea glass. But I think even more interesting than the sea glass, was this small shell my husband found.

Now, I was unable to find this one in my book. However, a reverse image search seemed to suggest that this is a striped Venus clam. Supposedly found on all British coasts but no records of any sightings on the south east coast. I don’t remember seeing anything like this, at least not recently. Having said that, the south and south east is where I’ve spent a good chunk of my time by the sea. What a lovely find, to round off an absolutely wonderful trip. After returning this shell to the sea, it was time to head back to the train station.

It might seem odd to some people that you can visit a town without really visiting it. If someone said to me, “What is Hartlepool like?” I don’t think I’d be able to give them an answer beyond the fact that it’s got some lovely beaches and lots of wildlife to see. But, such is the life of a Strandliner.

[deluxewhump]

Erik's Journals Pt 10 (2023)

19. The Heart That Fed

CW: nsfw

June 2023

Max Svenson reached out to me last week.

It was in an email, of all things. Probably his way of being discreet, not knowing who might see a familiar number pop up on my cell phone screen.

Erik, he wrote.

I know he’s with you. I’m not as oblivious as I let him think. I spoke to him yesterday and he’s still lying, (mostly by omission) albeit poorly.

He is an adult and a citizen. I know this, so no need to remind me. I have no stake in this other than to know he is safe.

Is he?

He used a personal email, not a work account. No sign off, but from the address it was clear— first name last name.

I wondered briefly if there was a way I could manipulate this development in a way that would suit me. Max did not like corresponding with me. He had always avoided it until I had made it unavoidable. But being in New Mexico, worried about Carlo and unable to physically see him, he had crossed his least favorite line in the sand. 

I had gone behind Carlo's back in sending my old journals regarding him to Max. And now Max had done the same to him in reaching out to me to confirm the lies he suspected Carlo of.

How did Max know for sure? I assumed he didn’t, that he was making a fairly confident guess and knew I was unlikely to refute it if it were true.

I remembered Max’s eyes as he watched me strike Carlo’s hands with that belt, his fury for me watering down to helpless pity and regret. I wondered if he ever told his father about his pet, about how he had first belonged to me. Svenson Senior certainly knew my name, we’d met once or twice.

Probably not. I doubted the uncomfortable subject of a boy-pet was ever broached on their obligatory father-son phone conversations. 

I could have asked Carlo if he wished me to lie to Max Svenson for him. It might cement his rekindled trust in me. It might also make me an accomplice to his guilt in a way I did not need or particularly wish to be. I didn’t need to ingratiate myself with Carlo. He was already mine again. 

It’s funny to me; here is this young man who has grown up right here in the Valley, oblivious of me and I of him, for all the years Carlo was mine. Had probably been in college when I brought Carlo back here from California. Strangers, all of us. And now he was asking after Carlo’s welfare like it was his right to know.

He’s home here, Max, I wanted to write. He's perfectly well. Why don’t you ask him? I hit reply and answered him with even more brevity than he’d shown me. 

Max,

What earthly good is my word to you? But since you asked. 

Yes, Carlo is quite safe. Of course he is.

E.H.

I considered telling Carlo that Max had reached out. What would be his reaction? Anxiety, probably. Guilt. He might look to me for absolution but he would also want it from Max, and know he had done something that didn’t quite deserve it.

White afternoon sunlight lay in stripes across my desk through the blinds, throwing the dust motes on my laptop screen into sharp relief. Down the hall, a clock chimed four and I thought of what transpired the night before.

I never initiated anything carnal with Carlo. What was between us in Virginia was his doing as well. It was important the balance did not tip so far. Too much weight of power was on my side already, obviously— if I added that, it would be irreconcilable, even with him being free. 

He initiated once more, the night before Max’s inquiry, when I came to his room to say goodnight and bring him a cup of peppermint tea, which I used to do sometimes when he was studying. He grabbed my hand as I went to leave, his eyes betraying what it was he wanted.

Still, I made him ask for it out loud before I’d give it, him blushing scarlet, the fire inside coaxed to the surface. He wanted some form of penetration— anything, so long as I was the author of it. He wanted the act of it; to submit— as one must to enjoy such an activity— and the affirming feeling of being conquered, deriving pleasure from being a thing that is desired.  

Such weakness, on my part. Such base, vulgar curiosity. I’m not proud of it, but I am a man and I do have a pulse, and he was so willing— bewildered at his own bravery and determination. Depravity, perversion of affection, his molten desire to lie down for the master, the father. I felt all of it acutely. 

He pulled down the covers and lay his coltish long legs on either side of me. I indulged him. I said remorseless, incestuous things. When he began to gasp and whimper I did not slow my hand or stop crooning to him. 

20. Lowercase gods

June 2023

On Sunday morning I stepped into the sunken living room on the east wing of the first floor to find Carlo awake and ignoring homework in favor of scrolling his phone. He had the TV on, annoying to me at this early hour. Mounted over my stone fireplace, it was an ugly black eye as useless as a taxidermized deer head. At least he had the decency to have it on mute. I noticed he seemed to like the company of the TV more than he used to, even if he wasn’t watching it. Something he picked up with Max.

Vote yes on three! a political ad urged us, a proposal that would effectively render out-of-state pet trading illegal in Maryland.

“Are you voting?” I asked from several feet behind the couch. 

Reluctantly, he lifted his eyes from his phone to the TV screen. “I guess I have to,” he muttered, seeming a little offended I’d draw his attention to an ad like that. “To cancel out yours.”

A barbed annoyance pricked the back of my neck. I thought of leaving it alone and going for another cup of coffee, but I found myself asking. “Hold on. What makes you think I’d vote against it?”

Carlo let his head fall back over the edge of the sofa. His dark curls, finding their usual relationship to gravity reversed, loosened towards the floor. He looked at me upside-down. “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe because you bought and kept me for almost nine years as a pet?”

I resisted the urge to touch his petulant little throat while he was like that, so vulnerably bared, collar bones like the poles of a teepee. I’d rest my hand on it, not squeezing, just enough to feel the mechanics of his trachea under my palm, such delicate, vital machinery.

“I took advantage of the current laws and regulations,” I said—measured and nodding. “Personal advantage. Sure. That doesn’t mean I’d vote to keep the status quo. This would be a good bottleneck on the trade. Like a fire, it only needs to be slowly deprived of oxygen. Why do you take me for such a Philistine? After all these years, have I not persuaded you otherwise?”

He blinked at me upside down like some weird Cheshire cat, his mouth opening to speak and then closing instead.

“I can tell you have something to say.”

“If… I was still your pet. Would you vote against it then?

“If I still had a personal stake in maintaining the status quo…” I mused, watching the talking heads on the TV mime mutely from teleprompters. “Maryland’s a blue state. It will go in favor of this legislation sooner or later. But they’ll put a grandfather clause in for existing pets, believe you me. No one’s giving up their already ill-begotten favorite pets, especially not in Baltimore.”

“I didn’t ask what you think will happen,” Carlo challenged me. Blood must have been pooling behind his eyes because he flipped over, put his chin on the spine of my couch like a raccoon peering over a fence. “I wanted to know what you’d do.”

“I think past actions speak louder than irrelevant hypotheticals.”

“…Like you giving me my papers?”

I tilted my head briefly. Precisely.

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes chalkboard blank, and then he rolled them, a sneer tugging at the corner of his mouth. “God. How do you do that?”

“What, angel.” I said flatly.

“That. You just sold me on 'actions speak louder than words', when your actions were to buy a pet and have a pet for a decade and then sell that pet the minute it became an inconvenience to you. And you flipped it right around and made me feel bad for what should’ve been a really logical assumption.”

“It wasn’t my intention to muddle you. It was only to ask you what you meant by your comment.”

“You’re good at that,” he said darkly. He hesitated on something, I could tell by the way his tongue was on the back of his front teeth and he glanced to a sunbeam on the rug at my feet. “Do you know what defamiliarization is?” he asked. 

“Not in any particular sense.”

“In literary theory,” he said, tucking his hands under his chin on the ridge of the couch, his hair still mussed from hanging upside down. “It’s when something ordinary and commonly understood is written about in a unique way. It’s a…” he searched for his next words. “…an alien perspective in the writing that reframes a concept you take for granted. It jars you. Makes you question something you never would’ve questioned before. Everyone always uses Tolstoy as an example. But you do that when you talk. Well, when you talk to me at least.”

“Is defamiliarization also a theme in psychology?” I asked.

“I mean… psychology informs the literary meaning of it.”

My earlier annoyance with his incorrect assumption of me had faded. I had realized while he was speaking I’d gotten exactly what I’d asked for in him, the sort of company I’d cultivated by letting him have his head, and later letting him free of me. I didn’t want to chastise him now and discourage the behavior I liked to see. For all the capitulation he has shown me, I can give him mine as well from time to time.

“I don’t mean to twist words, Carlo. Or to give you uneven footing. Defamiliarize you. I strive for us to understand one another.”

He turned the corner of his mouth again, this time in a half-apologetic downward smile of acceptance. “It’s just something I thought of just now. It’s dumb.”

“It’s not,” I said, approaching him and enjoying the way he lifted his eyes to me without doubt or fear. I sifted my hand into his hair and squeezed measuredly so his chin lifted off his knuckles, neck arching gently back.

“Your perceptions are your own, Carlo. None of my tiresome prescriptivism can undermine that.”

“Do you really think the law will go through?”

From his tone, I didn’t know if his curiosity was a general one or if this still felt particularly personal to him. I don’t see how it couldn’t. 

“The trade has gotten too much attention lately to stay unchanged. It will head one way or the other in the next five years,” I predicted. “But I’ve been wrong about too many things at this point in my life to be confident which.” He did a strange thing then. He twisted in my loose grip to kiss my wrist. His eyes closed with what could almost be mistaken for reverence, and then opened to look at me, as slowly as music boxes begin their notes. 

Next

[emmyinjapan]

Momochi Beach (ももち海浜)

I remember during my first week back in Japan, the heat hit me like a wall. It was blazing hot—32°C and climbing—and, in a desperate bid to cool down, I decided to walk to Momochi Beach (ももち海浜). I thought, Ah, the sea breeze will surely save me. Maybe I’ll even dip my toes in the water and feel human again. Spoiler alert: I was very wrong.

By the time I got there, I felt like a melting ice cream cone. The sun was relentless, and instead of a refreshing sea breeze, there was nothing but still, sweltering air that seemed to wrap around me like an oven. I trudged through the sand, half-hoping I’d discover some hidden oasis of coolness, but it only got hotter. At this point, I was genuinely starting to wonder if I’d evaporate before the day was over.

Eventually, I gave up on exploring and collapsed under the shade of a tree, clutching my water bottle like it was my lifeline. Even in the shade, the heat was unforgiving. I swear, I could almost see the steam rising off my skin. I sat there, a sweaty, slightly defeated mess, staring out at the sea and trying to convince myself that this was fun. This is what you wanted, right? A beautiful beach day in Japan? Living the dream!

Don’t get me wrong—it was a good day to be outside, but I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. The beach wasn’t as big as I’d imagined. I had pictured long, sprawling stretches of sand, endless waves, and maybe a few palm trees swaying gently in the breeze. Instead, Momochi Beach felt more compact, a little more urban, and not quite the paradise I had envisioned.

Looking back, I probably should have explored some of the other beaches in the area. Maybe found one with fewer people and more shade—or perhaps even an air-conditioned café right by the water! But hey, I’ll give Momochi Beach credit where it’s due. The views of the Fukuoka Tower in the distance were stunning, and it was nice to just sit there and take it all in… even if I felt like I was being slow-cooked the entire time.

By the time I got home, I looked like I had run a marathon rather than spent a relaxing day at the beach. But it was all part of the adventure. That’s the thing about life in Japan—every day brings something new, even if it’s the lesson to always carry extra sunscreen, a hat, and maybe a portable fan.

After trudging back to my apartment, drenched in sweat and thoroughly roasted by the unforgiving sun, I felt a wave of pure relief the moment I walked through the door. The aircon hit me like a blessing from the heavens, and all I could think was, Thank you, modern technology. Thank you.

I didn’t even bother with the sofa or the bed—I just flopped straight onto my yoga mat, which had never felt so luxurious in my life. Lying there, sprawled out like a starfish under the sweet, cooling breeze of the aircon, I felt a kind of happiness that words can barely capture. It was as if every ounce of heat and exhaustion was being gently lifted away, replaced by the sheer bliss of being still and, most importantly, not melting.

For a good while, I didn’t move. I just stared up at the ceiling, letting the aircon work its magic, and thought about how underrated it is to simply be comfortable. After a day of battling the elements at Momochi Beach, this moment of peace and coolness was the highlight of my day. Sometimes, it’s the little things—like a yoga mat and an aircon—that truly make life in Japan feel like an adventure worth taking.

—Emmy

[aspiring-sea-hag]

“And once you truly understand that she really does love you, you’ll see all the ways she’s expressed that love over the years.”

continuation from the reblog I did a couple of posts ago, I wanted to share all the little acts of love that Ægir showed to me before I finally comprehended that she did, in fact, love and care about me.

I have struggled with feeling like I belong for as long as I can remember, but I always remember my parents taking me to San Diego on vacation, and how I’d run through the hot sand to get to the water because there, I always felt like I belonged.

Whenever I went beachcombing as a kid (and still to this day) I always find one or two of my favorite type of shell, even if it’s super rare in the area.

Sometimes I like to pick up hermit crabs and hold them in my hand (not out of the water ofc) and they always come out of their shells right away.

I saw a spotted eagle ray on my first ever Ocean dive right after I got certified. Rolling into that water felt like a warm hug.

I go through air incredibly slow. My buddies joke that I must have superpowers kind of slow.

Octopuses have taken my hand when I’ve offered it to them, on a couple occasions.

I don’t notice it myself, but my buddies have also told me that I am a surprisingly comfortable drift diver.

The final realization hit me when I was picking up tiny plastic bits on my local beach (at the time) several months ago. There was so much; there was more plastic than I’d ever seen on a beach. I felt overwhelmed and enraged. I broke down in tears at the waters edge because I felt like I wasn’t enough. Even though the tide was going out, a big wave came up, enough to wrap around my body (I was kneeling) and cool me down. I had the sense that Ægir wanted to make sure I knew something. Put in simpler terms, that something was “When you do everything you can, that will always be enough. That will always be seen. I see you, and I love you so, so much.”

I can’t help but wonder if she tried to guide that trash to that particular beach so that I could collect it.

I share all these little blessings because I want to highlight how common they are, and how mundane they can seem at first. It’s hard to see them as blessings sometimes, but I truly feel that they are little acts of love. So if you’re reading this, remember that you are loved, you are seen, and you matter.

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

I Wonder what you think of people fishing (in general). I personally would love to learn how to fish and learn how to catch specific fish with bait and even mount some cool catches, but sometimes, I ask myself if this aligns with my moral standings. I’m personally pescatarian and love eating fish, but can’t help feel sorry for them while eating them.

I also know that fishing does help with regulating/population-control of specific fish. 🧐

Anyways, I’d love to know how you feel about eating fish and fishing fish whilst also loving fish and appreciating fish. 🐟

(I’ve used the word fish multiple times haha, fish fish fish fish 🐠)

I get what you mean! It's a whole moral conundrum and a half, I'll say.. ^^' I used to enjoy fishing myself, my family and I would go to the local pond and do catch and release fishing; I liked it because it was the only time I could properly see and handle fish, as otherwise they were out of sight under the water. Some years back though, I became very conflicted about fishing just for enjoyment due to the inevitable stress it causes the fish to be pulled out of the water by their mouth and roughly handled on land. Sometimes fish don't recover from the shock and end up dying anyway. I felt awful thinking back on all the fish that must've suffered at my own hands. The last time I went fishing was probably about three years back, I haven't fished since. Although I haven't 100% decided that I'm never in my life fishing again, it's probably safe to assume I won't be fishing for a long, long while... @~@

That's how I feel about myself fishing, but when it comes to others fishing, I really don't mind. Everyone can decide for themselves what they wish to do, and where their stance on fishing lies. Even if I don't like eating most fish, it is a fact that fish can be more sustainable than other animal meat and eating local native fishes is a very good alternative to just buying from the store! Much like you said, fishing can be used to control populations of fish, like invasive species (lionfish come to mind immediately), which is also very good! Fishing is also just a fun hobby to have and brings a lot of enjoyment to many people, haha.

Much like commercial fishing, leisure fishing can have bad impact on fish and fish populations, but it doesn't have to be that way! One can take measures to fish in a way that doesn't harm the overall population and causes the fishes minimal stress, take for example my good friend! She has kept fish as pets and loves them much like I do, but she still fishes. She sands down the barbs on her hooks, and when she fishes with the intent of eating, she quickly puts the fish down. She holds the belief that if you're planning on having meat in your diet, you have to get comfortable with the idea that animals have to die for that diet, and also be sure that the animals didn't have to die in a more painful and stressful way than what was necessary. I pretty much agree with her.

So yeah! To make a long, rambly story short, I don't want to fish myself but I'm otherwise pretty neutral on the topic. Other people can go fish as much as they want to, but I only wish that people would make it easier on the fishes themselves! Their lives are valuable too and I think it is a fisher's responsibility to make sure they are treated with dignity and mercy.

Man, I ended up writing fish and fishing and fishes so many times myself, they don't even look like real words anymore! Fishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfishfish!