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moon-my-beloved · 14 days

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Dream a Little Dream of Me masterlist

A month. She had to wait a fucking month to recover despite her persistence to the chief of being just fine. Getting sent home was not how she wanted things to go. On the other hand, maybe Joseph was right, she probably needed a break. A time to relax and escape from the unruly reality of the world. It’ll be fine, right?

TW: mentions of death, and a bit of stalking but it’s harmless (i think) - xoxo

— September 18, 1996. Location: Minneapolis, MN

It will be an excruciating wait until Laswell can get back on her feet. Reluctantly, under her chief's command, Joseph insisted that she take this time to recover after returning scratched up, worn out, and not having any recollection of how she ended up in the middle of the woods when the helicopter arrived. The chief was more than desperate to give Kate a break.

Amnesia, they had said. Probably caused by the head injury she had sustained when she fell. At least that’s what the doctors at the medical wing kept telling her when she was asked various questions of what she could recall about the event. She had been running away from the attackers, grabbing everything she could before she was bolting into the woods, and after that– there was nothing. A painful ring in her ear could be heard every time she tried to hark back to what might have unfolded that fateful night. She came up blank with every try. It was torment, a hole of anguish making itself comfortable in her chest. A long list of paperwork, meetings, and more paperwork awaited her back at the agency upon her arrival, not even getting a chance to argue that there was no need for her to be on extended leave, that she was fine.

“You're a lucky woman, Laswell. A damn right good analytics as well,” The chief had told her back at the airport, "I need you to be in your best shape if I want you back on the field.”

She didn’t feel lucky at all. She escaped but at what cost? Although the people she worked with weren’t necessarily close to her, lives were taken away— families broken apart. There’s no time for grief, the mission comes first. It always does. She said nothing in return if the slight slump in her shoulders wasn't obvious enough. With that, the chief excused himself, lips pressed to a tight line just as he disappeared through the automatic doors.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she turned, suitcase in hand as she walked to catch her flight back to Minneapolis. It wasn’t a long flight from Virginia, her mind drifting away into a haze of thoughts she had been pondering about these last two days. She had fallen asleep midway through the flight and before she knew it, the plane had already landed. Rubbing the sleep off her eyes, she got up, grabbing her duffel bag from the storage bins. Dread filled her once she stepped out of the terminal building.

“Home sweet home.“ She sarcastically said to herself. It's anything but sweet.

It’s not like she hated coming back home. It worked as a good getaway from where she usually stayed back in D.C. No stacks of papers, no meetings, no missions, no calls to family members to break the news that their husbands, wives, daughters, or sons won’t be coming back home. A setting opposite to what she’s used to. It made Kate feel weird at times— out of place. Those were thoughts to dwell on for later on restless nights. In the meantime, she has to catch a damn taxi to get back to her old flat.

As soon as she closed the door behind her, the woman let out a groan, throwing her duffel bag carelessly on the wooden floor while rubbing the back of her neck. She was beyond exhausted. The painkillers she took on the way here must have kicked in earlier than she anticipated. The pain in her leg would come and go despite the gunshot wound only leaving her with a small scar besides the continuous ringing in her ear. It was odd the more she thought about it. Wounds like these don’t just heal in a week, especially if you are stuck in the middle of fuck-nowhere.

Shaking her head, Kate took a good look around her small apartment. It looked the same as how she left it months ago. A bit of dust here and there but it was nothing a good clean couldn't fix. She had taken some paperwork home regarding the mission and had looked through them a thousand times to find anything that could magically refresh her memory. It was useless. Fixing herself a cup of coffee she settled on the couch, spreading the documents on her almost too small table with furrowed eyebrows.

‘Why? Why couldn’t she remember?’

“Shit,” The sun had gone down by the time she stopped trying to get answers to her never-ending questions. Closing the folder rather angrily, she took the cup of coffee to throw down the drain. It had turned cold and left forgotten the second she sat down. She was fighting sleep at this point, dragging her body towards the bathroom and exiting it thirty minutes later with her skin feeling raw. Draping the towel over her neck, she made a beeline towards her room where she immediately let out a groan of content once her body hit the soft sheets. It felt nice as the woman ran her fingers through the fabric. She wasn’t sure if the antibiotics were the ones to lure her to sleep or the familiar scent coming off her blankets. She hasn’t washed them since the last time being here.

That night, Laswell dreamt of being in the woods again.

“How long are you going to be in town for?” Her mom said from the other side of the line.

She had been rudely woken up from the best sleep of her life to the sound of her phone vibrating on the nightstand beside her. Her first thought was to ignore it but the damn thing kept beeping. Who the fuck would be calling her so early in the morning? Letting out a huff, Laswell sat up from the confines of her bed, snatching the flip phone off the counter to see who it was. Eyes bleary and unfocused as she scanned the contact name on the screen. ‘Mom’ it read. Squinting her eyes in confusion, she pressed the left button and brought the phone to her ear.

She regretted making that decision now that she’s been on the phone with her mom for more than an hour hearing her nagging and complaining about how she should visit them more often, that they missed her. She almost lost count of how many times she had to remind her mother that it was a difficult thing to do when you work for the government. She stuck to just apologizing if she didn’t want to hear her mother go on a whole debate about how she had ruined her life. She has no time for that, almost letting out a scoff at her empty words. They did not miss her.

“ –ello? Are you there?” The older woman's voice had pulled her back to reality, blinking down at the spoon swirling around the dark liquid as she brought the cup to her lips, the taste of caffeine overtaking her taste buds. “Yes, Mom, I heard you. Joseph gave me a month-long leave.” She announced. Shaking her head at the possibility that she might be stuck with her parent’s continuous pestering. ‘She is really the greatest daughter in the world.’

“Oh well, that’s just wonderful! Maybe you can come by some other day for dinner, it’ll be great.” Her mom said. The excitement in her tone was a bit too forced for Laswell to believe her. She knew that if she did come by for dinner, it would just end in an argument and pile up with the other times their meetings have ended in complete chaos. “Maybe.” She answered, a tense silence making itself known between them upon her monotone response to her mother’s suggestion to ‘bond’. It was awkward after that, her mom making up a half-assed excuse that she had to get ready to meet some of her friends before the call ended.

She won’t be attending dinner with her parents or calling each other anytime soon. Not that she ever did anyway.

Soon, the cold air from the mornings disappeared and the warmth of the afternoons rolled in. It was a cycle. A restless cycle that kept itching the back of Laswell’s brain as the days passed. She had looked over the papers every day, in hopes of catching something she had missed, a singular clue that would create a spark of remembrance in the crevices of her hippocampus. She came up with nothing.

The only abnormal thing she has gotten out of her little ‘scavenger hunt’ was a damn migraine and the same dream every night. She’s in the woods, the same one from that day, following a ceaseless path that seems to take her nowhere but her feet seem to have a mind of their own as if they have been here before, as if they knew all along where this nameless destination is. She wakes up in a cold sweat before she finds out.

She had initially shrugged it off as a result of her fall but the more she went outside to simply enjoy the breeze of the wind, the cheers and cries of children running around the local playground, a woman walking her dog, or even to just grab a bite from the coffee shop across the street, a feeling had poisoned her brain that someone has been following her, watching her. With every glance she took over her shoulder, there was no one, even though she had no doubt and was positive that she saw a questionable shadow from the corner of her eye. Had they come back to get her? Close the deal and seal it shut so she can just be another piece of paper among others?

She wasn’t so sure anymore. She felt like she was going insane the more time passed.

It was a rainy day when the ringing in her ear became too unbearable, palms over her ears in an attempt to make the pain go away and curled up against the cushions of her couch beside the window.

Tap, tap, tap.

She was fine a few hours ago. Woke up at the usual time, made herself breakfast (a cup of coffee), and planted herself on the couch to go over documents, emails, and continued to ignore her mother’s calls. It wasn’t on purpose. She just had her hands full, that’s all. She must have overestimated her capabilities of spending long periods of time in the same sitting-hunched position. Her age was getting to her.

She had taken her medicine already but by the looks of it, it didn’t seem to be working out for her. Letting out a low groan through her gritted teeth, she moved her head to the side to get a better view of the outside. It wasn’t necessarily pouring down, the repetitive noise of droplets hitting wood and trickling down glass soothed her discomfort for just a few seconds as she watched the cars pass by.

Tap, tap, tap.

It was getting dark, the moon creeping its way above the horizon, a good thing knowing that the brightness of the sun would just make the state she was already in, much worse. She doesn’t know how long she had stayed there. Maybe half an hour before she dozed off and had been woken up by that crawling feeling that someone was around. A presence. Sitting up a bit straighter, she peered through the window, rain still falling from the sky created a small mist in the air, but she saw it. She saw you.

An unknown gravitational force had made Laswell bolt up from her spot, not even caring to put on her shoes before she unlocked the door and sprinted outside. She didn’t know what had made her run through the rain so carelessly, the wet dirt and grass digging into her bare feet, just like that day. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead from exhaustion, just like that day. A sense of desperation and relief once she saw the only thing that had saved her from meeting her ultimate death. The trees, the manor, the sweet smell of your sheets, the tea, you. It was you, standing in front of her below the moonlight and the rain. It had been a constant battle these last few days trying to figure out what was true or not but at that moment, she knew. It had been you all along.

You said nothing, eyes peering at her with that same intensity as that night. If Laswell noticed your trembling hands, she didn’t mention it.

The ringing had finally stopped, a clump in her throat making her utter the only three words she could think of.

“I know you.”

A/N: the prologue has come to an end, woohoo!! >< you guys will be seeing a lot of the boys later on when i start working on incoming chapters! for now, please enjoy and again, any feedback is welcomed! 🍂

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zykamiliah · 1 year

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what about bingqiu?

this is my response to this post. i didn't want to reply in the same post because it's going to get really long, and i disagree with almost everything, so this way i may avoid the discourse. haha. anyway, i'm gonna try to answer each of op's points.

-why bingqiu are a couple:

♦ because despite everything, they've chosen each other. not because they're soulmates (though mxtx did pull the string of fate thing), but because they genuinely want to spend time together

it's very subtle but they do share some values and similarities: they both repay kindness with kindness and believe that one should pay back those who hurt you twofold/tenfold. furthermore, they are both petty bitches. as @fireandgrimstone pointed out here, they're both busybodies: they get restless if they aren't doing something.

on that note: self-preservation is not a core value they share. sqq is terrible at self-preservation. from the first moment, instead of minding his own business, he risked losing points (which would terminate his account and kill him) just to protect binghe when he was being bullied by ming fan and co. sqq couldn't stand by watching someone being bullied. then during the demon invasion, he was ready to risk his own life to protect all the cqm disciples. he was willing to self-destruct to take out sha hualing.

the thing is that sqq likes to lie about himself and say everything he does is out of self-preservation, but it isn't true.

so, if it wasn't out of self preservation, why did sqq pushed binghe into the endless abyss? yes, it needed to happen, but he didn't do it to save himself. he can't hurt binghe just to protect himself. he did it because he brainwashed himself into believing this was the best for binghe, that binghe needed to in order to become strong and achieve his fate.

(chapter 4: conference)

♦ because they give each other what they need. consistent love, support and understanding was something lbh really needed, and those 2-3 years before the immortal alliance conference did wonders for binghe to allow himself to feel vulnerable and be more in touch with his own feelings. this will get screwed up post-endless abyss but sqq does encourage him in the extras to express his feelings and talk about what he thinks and feels.

now, what lbh gives to sqq may not seem obvious (thank you for the help, luuny!♥), since sqq's layered narration is tricky to deconstruct, but by the end of the novel lbh can get past sqq's tsundere/savin face bullshit. sqq has all his toxic masculinity ideas and internalized homophobia that he keeps dragging everywhere he goes, and his relationship with lbh, who was supposed to be the epitome of masculinity, has allowed him to shed off some of it. but not all. thus, lbh knows when sqq needs to be pushed or coaxed into doing something he already wants to do but thinks he shouldn't want and doesn't know how to justify (sex for example). lbh also gives sqq the whole domestic package: someone to dote on, someone that does the chores and takes care of him, because frankly sqq is good at many things but he fails at self-care.

♦ domesticity and companionship. for bingqiu it wasn't like other couples who were first attracted to each other from one reason or another and from then on the relationship developed. the first period of their relationship is mostly platonic (poor binghe is suffering the teenage hormones), and was based on the easy domesticity and companionship they shared. and honestly that's such a simple yet beautiful kind of love. they genuinely like spending time together, living together, talking to each other. they never get bored of being together or of each other, which brings me to

♦ the obsession. like, it's honestly hilarious how obsessed they are with each other. sy was already obsessed with pidw protagonist bingge, but in svsss he got to love and get obsessed all over again with his own binghe aka bingmei. and from lbh's pov it's more or less the same: he had a complicated relationship with original sqq, which was the start of it all, but the person he loves is not the cold shizun from the past who he needs to prove himself to, but the one that's always trying to protect him, even if it's from himself. in both cases, their relationship started with distance, with the shadow of the other version of each other they'd known before. but what made them fall in love weren't those ghosts from the past, but the person they could see underneath it all: the hardworking boy that just wanted to be loved, and the closeted man who wants to give love and help others and have a purpose and belong to something (binghe understands that sqq would be unhappy if he couldn't visit cqm, qjp and his sect siblings). this relates to the fact that

♦ they understand each other better than anyone else. it takes them time, but that's the point of their journey and by the time we read about their relationship in the extras, we can see that despite everything, they not only understand each other very well but actively try to understand each other better. they already made the mistake of making too many assumptions, and they're not doing that again.

________________

another point that op got wrong:

off the top of my head an example would be how bingge (he-with-no-shen-yuan) took a harem of beauties so he could control xin mo but bingmei (he-with-shen-yuan) decided to just... cripple people's cultivation (...) what i'm getting at is that binghe was willing to pay other people's lives just so he didn't have to be intimate with anyone except shen yuan.

bingge too was cripping other cultivators to get ride of the excess of demonic qi, it's just that after he captured the three nuns from tianyi overlook they taught him how to achieve the same result using dual cultivation. (thanking @stardust-falling for their notes on this topic!)

(chapter 9: borderlands)

#svsss #zykamiliah-svsss #shen qingqiu #svsss meta #bingqiu #don't underestimate tianyi's sex ed!!!#canonically so good it fixed both bingge's cultivation issues and bingqiu's sex life lol

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murkyred · 4 months

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Jagged Arrays (a Batman/Red Hood AU)

Lifelike androids are the norm -- for the higher class, that is. Child-bots that are treated like glorified tamagochi, robo-children that grow up as long as you feed them right yet don't starve if you do forget to feed them? That don't have to be watched at the pool because they can't drown? Sure. Terminator-style models? Those should be handled discreetly outside of military operations, but sure. Anything in between? Of course! Name your price and you'll find yourself with a satisfactory model.

Outside of the higher class, next to nobody can afford these outrageously expensive playthings... legally, that is. In Crime Alley, the black market for androids, parts and illegal modifications booms. Willis Todd is a mechanic and it had only been a matter of time until he had to resort to android business to get food on the table for him and his girlfriend. With the rise of androids that are able to do jobs that would've required paid workers before, the chances of scoring a legal job are at an all-time low.

One day, his girlfriend Catherine comes to him with a request: It seems she has found a banged up child robot in the streets, and she begs him to fix it for her. He can't help but oblige, knowing full well how much she has always wished for a child of her own. Crime Alley is no place to raise a child, especially not with the lack of food security, so a child-bot would be the next best thing.

And who is he to deny sweet Catherine her wish? So, after a few days of tinkering, Jason Todd is "born". They know legally registering the android child is not an option after acquiring him like that, so they go the far easier route: Registering him as their biological child.

And all is well, until it isn't... but that's life in Crime Alley four you. Catherine falls sick, Willis ends up in jail and Jason? Jason flees before CPS can catch sight of him. He can't afford to get caught, a simple checkup with a doctor would make it obvious that he's not like the other children. Lone android children don't go to orphanages, they go to the landfill.

At least his sensors and inability to actually starve give him an upper hand out in the streets... and while jacking tires. He's great at that, as it turns out. It goes well until one day, he bites off more than he can chew and attempts to jack the wheels of the batmobile. Or, well... He succeeds in jacking three of them, but gets caught upon coming back for the fourth.

He didn't know what he expected Batman to do, but taking him back to the batcave hadn't even been on the list of possibilities. Of course, it doesn't take the man long to figure out that he's not exactly made of flesh and blood, but the man's reaction to the revelation wasn't what Jason had expected either.

Knowing full well that a stray android child had nowhere to go, Batman offers to take him in.

The man offers Jason to register him legally, to which the boy reacts with the threat of running away. Batman - or Bruce, as Jason comes to find out - relents, seeing as the boy has a perfectly watertight human identity to use. What's one more family secret?

Jason, as it turns out, fits right in. Sure Dick takes his time warming up to him -- to learn that soon after moving out Bruce had taken in a robot child to play house with had stung, but interacting with his new brother quickly taught him that Jason acted a lot less robot and a lot more child that one might expect. The boy was smart, witty, and had stolen the tires off the batmobile! He could see what Bruce had seen in him that night.

It didn't take long for Jason to debut as Robin, taking to the role like a fish to water. It was amazing, really.

It was amazing, until it wasn't... but what did you expect from a Crime Alley kid? They just weren't afforded with such luck.

Bruce, the ever-worried father, had realized something: Most robot models were programmed to adhere to Asimov's rules... especially the child-bots -- yet was Jason able to go out as Robin and fight humans. He knew that Jason's coding wasn't exactly... traditional, but this realization did cause him to worry. How far did this irregularity go?

So when a diplomat's son fell to his death and Jason claimed to not have pushed him, Bruce was unsure. He had always believed that the irregularity only allowed his son to fight humans to protect others, but what if he had been mistaken? Bruce had to get to the bottom of this, so he decided to bench Robin for the foreseeable future.

Jason, meanwhile, felt hurt. And yes, maybe robots didn't compute emotions like humans did, but he had read a lot of books and couldn't help but... well, feel like those words were fitting. His own dad didn't trust him.

But maybe the one who designed him would be able to make Bruce understand! So, with newfound enthusiasm, Jason started researching and tracking down the person behind his particular model: Sheila Haywood, who currently worked in a program for medical assistance androids in Ethiopia. His "mother", for lack of a better term, made robots to help people. Ha! Take that, Bruce.

We know how this story ends... Jason leaves home to find his "mother", and he succeeds. Only is Sheila not what she appears to be. Where her "son" stands before her, all she sees is the product that she'd helped building... And realizes that she had helped building her ticket to freedom, to get away from the Joker.

Sheila would be proven wrong, but in the end that didn't matter.

What did matter was that on that day, Batman failed to save Robin, that Bruce failed to save his son.

Rich people like buying child-robots because they're durable... but even his durability, despite it far surpassing that of a human boy, couldn't save him from that blast. That day, Bruce returned home with the mangled body of a boy... and the fact that there was wiring poking out of the costume instead of bones made no difference for his grief.

🦇

Years later, there's a new player in Gotham, one who calls himself Red Hood, hiding his face under a helmet and distorting his voice with a modulator. He wears a bat on his chest yet won't hesitate to use the guns strapped to his thighs. Is he a man? Is he a robot? It's hard to tell... but what quickly becomes apparent is how dangerous he is.

#batman #jason todd #red hood #gotham #dick grayson #alternate universe #batman: jagged arrays #there's even more lore than i managed to pack into this

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bisexualchaosdemon · 10 months

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What if Neil was trans and had a baby after Mary died?

I've seen a few atfg fics where Neil has a sibling or kid but all the ones I've read were heavily influenced by Mary's presence. It got me thinking about what it would be like if she wasn't around when the kid came into the picture. I wrote a little prologue, lemme know if it's something you guys might wanna read.

**trigger warning: mentions of SA, forced pregnancy, and traumatic childbirth**

Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵Prologue🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

When Neil was fourteen, his father caught up to them in Seattle and he got separated from Mary. Nathan went after Mary and a couple of his men went after Neil. While they were apart, Neil was raped for the first time and Mary was beaten for the last time. Somehow, they both escaped, managing to reunite at one of their emergency rendezvous and take off running.

That's where their luck ran out though because they only made it to California before Mary's injuries finally bested her. In the end, his mother couldn't go on but she made Neil promise to keep running because one of them had to make it. With no other choice, Neil burned her body, buried her ashes on the beach, and did what he had promised.

Then, impossibly, things went from bad to worse — After a month of just sort of drifting in his grief, Neil found out he was pregnant.

He had no way out this one, there was no backdoor to slip through or bus to catch. He couldn't risk someone contacting the police or social services when a fourteen-year-old turned up at a clinic to request an abortion without parental consent. And, even if they weren't incredibly dangerous, any illegal methods for a termination risked Nathan tracking him down. So, with no choice but to keep the pregnancy, he spent the next eight months jumping from place to place, trying to remain out of sight whenever possible. And he hated every minute of it.

He spent the entirety of his pregnancy terrified and alone, and he gave birth alone too. He hadn't been able to see any doctors or go to a hospital for obvious reasons. He tried his best to have a healthy pregnancy but the research he had managed to do on childbirth was extremely limited. He didn't even know what was happening really before he ended up giving birth in a back ally somewhere — fourteen years old and completely alone.

The baby hadn't cried at first and Neil had never been more terrified than he had been in those few seconds. That first cry brought a relief heavy enough to break him completely. His plan the whole time had been to give the baby up, just leave them at a fire station somewhere and pray they'd have a better life than he did. He thought about it a thousand times but every time he looked at his daughter's face, and he just couldn't do it. He couldn't give her up. He didn't want to be alone again.

So he picked himself up, skipped town with his daughter craddled close, and decided to do the one thing he had always wanted; He cut off all of his hair, taped down his chest and started telling people he was a boy. He had always felt like being a girl wasn't right for him but he never dared voice this while on the run with his mother. Without her controling everything though, he was free to do this one thing for himself, and he hoped it might even help him stay hidden. More importantly, it helped him reclaim part of himself he thought he lost after the rape and pregnancy.

The first few years, they moved around a lot because Neil was always worried someone would start to notice the teenager and baby without parents anywhere in sight. However, when his daughter was almost three, they ran a ground in Millport, a dying town where they could squat in an empty house unnoticed. Neil just needed a moment to breathe. So, he got an ID that said he was eighteen which let him go to high school and play Exy without anyone needing to speak to his parents. Then he forged the signatures of their fictional parents to get his daughter enrolled in preschool and after school childcare for the days he had practice. Finally, he got them phones for emergencies and pretended to be his mother any time someone called.

He became Neil and he gifted his daughter his middle name, Anastasia, and on paper they became the Josten siblings.

He knew they would need to pack up and leave soon enough, but he was exhausted and he just wanted Ana to have a semi-normal life for a year. He'd clear out after graduation and figure out where to go from there. But just as their time in Millport is running out, in walks David Wymack with an offer that's too dangerous to trust but too impossible to leave behind...

#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #aftg fanfic #trans!neil #kid fic #trans neil josten

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amberjazmyn · 2 months

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i'm already there🫶

pairing : max verstappen x fem!reader,alluded dad!lando norris x fem!reader, dad!charles leclerc x fem!reader, dad!oscar piastri x fem!reader

summary : a portion of the lyrics of westlife's song "i'm already there" illustrates the joys, tears, heartbreak and every other emotion in relation to being away from loved ones whilst travelling around the world for formula one.

warnings : reunions, happy tears, sad tears, swearing

a/n : this was written one other time for westlife but i wanted to rewrite it but for f1 since i just want to get another f1 grid one shot out idk lol!

max vestappen:

i'm already there, don't make a sound. i'm the beat in your heart, i'm the moonlight shining down. i'm the whisper in the wind and i'll be there 'til the end.

you sighed shakily as you mysteriously waited in the monaco airport. you had no idea why you were even in the airport since max, your boyfriend and his f1 team weren't leaving for an international grand prix so, you literally had no clue whatsoever why he had dragged you all the way to mote-carlo airport from your guys' place in monte-carlo. however, your boyfriend had cleverly come up with this plan to surprise you, his girlfriend, with the homecoming of your military twin sister and you were absolutely none the wiser. you didn't even realise this is what was happening because every other time you and your family were welcoming your sister back home from the military, you had to go to a specific terminal hidden away from regular public access so you just thought that maybe max had dragged the both of you here to watch the planes take off and land because that was another thing that you and max would drive the two-ish hour drive from your hous to the airport for.

however, you didn't realise the surprise you were in for when max tapped your shoulders since you were facing away from him to only turn around to see your sister walking out of the gate towards the both of you. your eyes widened and you staggered to your feet and, almost like a giraffe learning to walk, ran over to your sister. pulling you into her arms, you couldn't believe that she was home. you two had jokingly started to message the song, i'm already there, the westlife version, to one another just days ago not even realising that it was a cute little clue that your sister was going to be home very soon.

"...you...you're home!" you muttered in shock as max smiled, watching two of his favourite girls reunite - proud that he managed to keep such a surprise under lock and key

"yes i am! i'm home!" she smiled as she pulled out of the hug and held you at an arms length just to get a good look of you - noticing that not very much had changed except for a new hair colour and some new piercings

"that's why you were messaging me the lyrics of i'm already there? you were coming home!" you chuckled lightly as she nodded her head, quite proud that whilst the clue was quite obvious, it still flew right over your head

"mhm. that is correct! i was on my way home the whole entire time, the last lyric that i sent you, i'm the whisper in the wind, and i'll be there 'til the end was sent just before my flight left afghanistan," she smiled as you couldn't help the shake of your head as you both giggled

"how on earth did i not realise it wasn't just a cute little joke?" you sighed, facepalming as your sister and max both giggled as max and your sister reunited and hugged one another

"because max made sure you didn't look too much into it. your boyfriend was more involved in this surprise a lot more than you think, y.n," the older twin giggled as you couldn't believe it, what masterminds your sister and boyfriend were

"goddamit it! why am i so gullible!" you sighed with another giggle as you forgot you were still in an airport

"you're not, you were just so adorably focused on all the planes landing and taking off that you seemingly forgot why you were so confused originally," max perked up as he kissed your cheek as you smiled

after all the thrill of being surprised went down, you, your sister and max walked a little further through the airport, watched a few more planes landing and taking off before you three decided it was time to get something good to eat on your way home from the airport back to your guys' apartment in monte-carlo.

but, just as you three stepped in the car, the very song that you and your sister were messaging the lyrics to each other started to play on the radio and the same westlife version. and at this point, you could only believe that it was fate and you felt at ease and peaceful that your sister was home and that she was safe. she was no longer just the beat in your heart or the moonlight shining down or the whisper in the wind, she was right in front of you and she was safe.

lando norris:

we may be a thousand miles apart but i'll be with you wherever you are, i'm already there take a look around.

whilst you loved being the girlfriend of formula one driver, lando norris, there was only one small thing that you didn't enjoy and that was when their grand prix's took place during the times you had to be outside of europe and in australia and you weren't able to go with him. currently, lando and the other nineteen drivers and their teams were in america for the austin grand prix and the mexican grand prix before it was a two week break before a treacherous triple header which thankfully, you would be able to get time off of study to travel with lando for that triple header. and then after the triple header, you would return back to australia where lando would travel to the middle east for the qatar and abu dhabi races which were the last of the season where you would meet up with him again.

so, because you weren't allowed to travel for these next two races in america because you were studying internationally in australia, you weren't able to watch lando race and be his lucky charm. but, thankfully, you weren't alone in australia. one of the other wags, daniel ricciardo's girlfriend heidi was also currently in australia as well. it was a complete coincidence that the state you were studying in was the state that heidi was currently visiting on holiday alongside daniel since he wasn't needed since he was still the third reserve for red bull. so, what the three of you decided to do was to have sleepovers, going back and forth from the holiday home that daniel and heidi were staying in and the apartment that you were renting for the entire time you were studying in that state.

however, at this stage, you were struggling because it had been months since you'd last seen lando and you were drowning half the time in your university work. and it seemed like heidi noticed straight away as you desperately tried to cram in so much study since you decided you needed a break. only for you to feel as though you were now falling behind when really, you weren't at all.

"...hey, y.n, do you need help?" heidi came up behind you softly, a small hand to the bottom of your back as you couldn't help the trembling breath that left your mouth

"umm...i..." you trailed off as tears hit your eyes and a sob left your mouth as immediately, daniel seemingly came out of nowhere and gently lifted you out of your seat as heidi pulled you in for a hug as she let you cry

after daniel had cleaned up the desk that was filled with so much uni work, he rushed back over and joined the hug as you continued to cry as they both comforted you. it was obvious you were exhausted and needed a break but you couldn't give yourself one because no matter what, you always needed to prioritise your uni work first and then you were a secondary choice. it was obvious to heidi and daniel why you were suddenly crumbling under the pressure. you were a nursing student who had been graciously given so many days out so you could travel the world but now you had run out of them until after the american races and you were in the long-distance part of your relationship with lando and it wasn't like you could just ring your boyfriend any time you wanted because he was across bloody oceans from you. it was also hard on lando being so far away from you, he didn't fully know how to help you with your study because he didn't know much about what goes on about becoming a nurse. and you knew for sure that being so far away from you was killing him inside every second of every day he was away. so you weren't mad at lando at all, he was simply doing his job which was how you guys were surviving and providing for your little two-person family.

you had finally started to stop the tears and managed to not wake up the rest of the neighbourhood which you were shocked at considering you were not a silent crier, "i'm sorry! i don't know what came over me..." you trailed off before heidi and daniel stopped you from continuing

"...don't apologise, y.n, you're exhausted! it's hard being in a long-distance relationship and a nursing student with all of this work piled up when your boyfriend is on the other side of the world and the rest of your support system being there as well. i get it, i mean, i have the same feelings when i can't be with daniel and it's hard but, i also remember to ask for help and to stay with friends and family because i know i can't always do it all on my own. which reminds me, when was the last time you spoke on the phone to lando's family? i'm sure they'd love to catch up with you over a facetime call, especially lando's sisters cisca and flo! and even oli's wife, savannah would love it! even letting lando in on this plan would be helpful too, just so we're all on the same page!" heidi proposed as you sniffled and nodded your head with a smile

"yeah, that does sound like a good plan, heidi! i shouldn't have tried to do it all on my own! i should have asked lando's family for help from the start as well as extended family i have here," you smiled as heidi and daniel smiled back as you three hugged again

like heidi and daniel promised, as they all huddled together on the couch away from all the nursing notes and asessments, you rang up lando just to check in with him and make sure he was okay coping since you knew he was also a worrier especially now after the pointy end of your nursing degree was approaching. you could tell almost the moment lando spoke up over the phone that he was also fighting against his emotions like you were. however, you were just glad that he was finally given time to have a full-on conversation as last time you tried, you could only speak for five minutes before lando had to hang up. so, it felt great having over an hour of a conversation with your boyfriend. it reminded you that whilst you may be a thousand miles apart from lando sometimes, he was always there and all you had to was just to look around you. he was in the photos covering the walls, he was in the sunshine that reflected in your hair, but most importantly, he was in the photos that you plastered all around the house so you wouldn't feel lonely.

charles leclerc:

she got back on the phone, said, "i really miss you, darling. don't worry about the kids, they'll be alright." wish i was in your arms, laying right there beside you, but i know i'll be in your dreams tonight. "and i'll gently kiss your lips, touch you with my fingertips, so turn out the lights and close your eyes."

you were on your own with your husband charles being away at the tailend of the triple header in japan, azerbaijan and singapore whilst you looked after the twin girls you shared together, jules and antoinette. you were now back on the phone with charles after you let the twins talk to their daddy. they then sat and watched with tired eyes as you finished up the call with their daddy so the three of you could go to bed together in the lounge room.

"...i really miss you, darling. but, don't worry about jules and nini, they'll be alright. we're doing perfectly fine without you but, it's never fun just the three of us, we need daddy home with us!" you sighed with a small giggle as you could hear the emotions in charles' voice on the other line while he was all the way in singapore for the end of that specific triple header

"i miss you too babe. but, i'll be home soon and i'll gently kiss your lips, touch you with my fingertips... it's getting late in monaco and i have more meetings and things i need to be at, so turn out the lights and close your eyes, you need sleep baby! i promise, the race is going to fly by and i'll be home before you guys know it, okay?" charles' voice was soft and filled with so much love that you felt okay with having to end the call since you were basically falling asleep at the mere sound of his voice over the phone

"ok, it's probably a good idea as i'm basically falling asleep at the mere sound of your voice bebe*giggles*. and i know, it's going to go by so quickly that you'll be home soon and we can then go out to france for a little getaway holiday with the girls and we'll be happy again!" you slurred as sleep really started to takeover as you heard charles' sweet, gentle giggles over the phone slip right into your ears

"good. you need sleep mi amor, you need to also take care of yourself, not just the girls! and deal, we can go to france for a little holiday with the girls, it'll be a lot of fun. but, right now, you need to hang up this phone call and you need to go to sleep and so do the girls because i can picture you guys in the lounge room after rearranging it so you could all sleep together...so, it's bedtime and i'll talk to you tomorrow and i promise i'll tell you everything about the race in our facetime tomorrow at the airport, okay?" charles convinced you as you smiled as nini, the youngest of the girls, cuddled up against you as you kissed her hair before finally deciding to finish up the call

"okay. i love you, amor. see you soon and, you better tell me everything about the race in tomorrow's facetime otherwise i'll be ringing up carlos *giggles*. goodnight bebe, i love you," you smiled as charles also smiled on the other end of the phone all the way in singapore

"i love you too, bebe. talk tomorrow," charles giggled as he ended the call before sighing to himself, only wishing the wags could always come with them for all of their races even though it was practically impossible due to having jobs and also having young kids

as you turned your phone off, placing it on the armrest of the couch, nini spoke up, "is papa gone now?" she questioned in her sleepy voice as you couldn't help your facial expression as you hugged your youngest girl tighter

"yeah baby, he had to hang up the phone cause it's bedtime for us and daddy has meetings before his race tonight with your uncles!" you whispered in a baby voice as nini nodded her head as her eyes started to close

"oh, okay. goodnight mama. i love you and papa!" nini mumbled as her eyes fully shut and she fell asleep basically on top of you

you chuckled softly, kissing the little princess on the top of her head, "goodnight baby nini. i love you too and papa loves you as well!" you whispered as you lowered yourself, making yourself and nini comfortable on the couch as jules after patiently waiting, joined you

cuddling on the other side of you, jules closed her eyes and started to fall asleep but, not before she also said goodnight, "goodnight mama, i love you and papa," jules muttered sleep overcame her as well as you smiled

laying awake for a couple more minutes after your two girls had all fallen asleep, you could only feel excited that your husband charles would be returning home soon. you were also smiling because you damn well knew that you'd be dreaming over your husband being home with you and you were always so excited when you dreamt about charles just because it was endless and it was always an adventure.

oscar piastri:

he called her on the road, from a lonely cold hotel room, just to hear her say "i love you" one more time. and when he heard the sound, of kids laughing in the background, he had to wipe away a tear from his eye. a little voice came on the phone said, "daddy, when you're coming home?" he said the first thing that came to his mind.

you had just managed to calm down your little daughter, ellie and her brother noah that you share with your husband oscar, when your phone started to ring. it spooked you but, nevertheless, you answered the phone and smiled when you heard your husband's voice on the other end. it was obvious he had called you just to hear you say i love you one more time even though you had just spent the last twenty minutes sending each other i love yous back and forth.

immediately, the moment you picked up the phone, it was as though your two kids, ellie and noah knew straight away who it was that you were talking to and started to laugh and play with each other, not realising that their dad could hear them. you could tell even though you weren't seeing each other face to face that oscar was crying due to the way he was breathing against the phone.

you smiled sadly as you picked up ellie, put your phone on speaker and her little voice spoke up, "daddy, when are you coming home?" ellie's voice was soft and pure and, of course, the first thing that came to oscar's mind was what he said

"i'm already there baby girl. just look around you darling, i'm in your reflection, i'm the sunshine in your hair..." oscar sniffled, just wishing he wasn't halfway across the world as you couldn't help your own heart breaking at hearing the upset in your husbands voice

it was confusing for ellie because she couldn't understand why her dad was crying. especially considering before having ellie and noah, they had never seen their dad be the levelheaded, unemotional person he was before they had arrived. so, she just looked at you in confusion as she handed you the phone. you smiled sadly as you gestured for her to continue playing with her little brother as long as they were quiet.

"you alright babe?" you questioned, hearing oscar's sniffles as he tearfully giggled, most likely wiping away his tears

"yeah, i'm fine babe. just didn't realise how much i actually missed the sound of ellie's voice..." oscar swallowed back a sob as you moved into the kitchen, trusting ellie and noah not needing you to constantly keep your eyes on them whilst you spoke with their dad

"...i'm sorry babe. ellie just heard you over the phone and she got excited. she misses you by the way, so does noah. but, they're doing perfectly fine, they're just a little bit confused often as to why they can't see their daddy but can hear him. i forget how intelligent children actually are even though they're still so young, they are way too observant *giggles*. anyway though, i don't want to make you cry even more so, how have the races in the triple header been going, the races fun?" you smiled as oscar again tearfully laughed and wiped away tears on the other end of the phone

"don't apologise babe, it's not your fault, i wish we weren't so far away. and i miss you three as well, but i'm glad that they're doing good. oh yeah, i also forget how smart they are, i accidentally overheard lando and his girl's phone call last night and i could hear their little ones in the background just making their sweet baby noises and could tell it was absolutely breaking lando's heart into two. and, you won't make me cry more, it'll be me that does that myself since it's all i've been doing since becoming a dad! *giggles* and the races have been so much fun and yeah, the media things also have been so much fun. but, i'm very excited to come back home and see my two girls and my gorgeous little boy again," oscar smiled, noticing lando and a few other drivers he was close with giving him worried looks as they noticed the tears but, he reassured them he was okay

you could hear the three other drivers, lando, logan and alex in the background and could tell that they were most likely checking in on oscar, to make sure he was okay and that made you smile as you rested against the kitchen bench, "you sure you're okay, osc? i can hear lando, logan and alex in the background which usually means you're not okay..." you trailed off as oscar giggled which made you smile

"...i'm truly okay babe. i was upset and crying at the beginning when ellie had the phone but, i'm okay now. anyway, enough about me, how are you dealing with all of this? i know how stressful it can be on you having to deal with two little gremlins *giggles* so how are you?" oscar then switched it over to you as you smiled, not even needing to think about your reponse

and, truthfully, you thought you'd be struggling a lot more however, you weren't since you had remembered to ask for help this time. since, the first time oscar had returned back to racing after ellie had been born, you didn't ask for help. and you cried yourself to sleep every single night until the last day of the grand prix when lily, alex's girlfriend, had suggested you ask for help and you did

however, this time, you didn't allow yourself to be in struggle town now that you've had baby noah, along with ellie, you had both grandparents, oscar's parents chris and nicole as well as your own dropping past every now and then to take them for a couple evenings. so, this triple header, you were doing a lot better and you were a lot less stressed.

"i'm okay babe. i'm a lot less stressed this time around. tomorrow and over the weekend, i'll be having a girls night in with your sisters and lily so, ellie and noah will be with mum and dad so, i'm doing great thanks. anyway, where are you right now? last time we chatted you guys were in singapore so, are you boys still there or have you moved on?" you questioned, hearing oscar breathe a sigh of relief that you were doing better than last time as he smiled

"we've moved on babe, we left singapore last night and we arrived in qatar early this morning. we're just chilling in my hotel room right now all together. so, i'm not on my own this time like i was a few nights ago when we both cried together over the phone *giggles* but yeah, no, this time i've got the three boys with me," oscar smiled as he laughed as the boys all cheered, hoping they were loud enough for you to hear them - which they were

"yeah, i can hear them, osc*giggles* but i'm glad that you're not alone this time. it's not healthy to be alone when you're struggling like that and i'm glad you've all got each other because me, your sister's and lily all have each others backs when we miss you so, it's good you guys can lean on each other for support..." you trailed off, for the first time running out of things to say since you had been updating oscar daily on everything so there was all of a sudden nothing else to talk about

"...yeah, anyway, i better hang the phone up cause i remembered that you're going out for dinner with the wags tonight so, who's looking after ellie and noah tonight? my parents or yours?" oscar questioned as you smiled that he even remembered that as you then noticed the kids scream in excitement - their nanna and pops had just arrived

"that was perfect timing babe cause they've just arrived and it's your parents tonight babe. my parents have them tomorrow and over the weekend!" you laughed as you went over to the front door and let in your inlaws as immediately, nicole picked up ellie and chris picked up noah before they both pulled you in for a hug

they then noticed you were on the phone to oscar as they smiled and took the littles to the lounge room so you could finish off the phone call, "wow, yeah, that is amazing timing! and, wonderful, well, i'll let you go now babe as you've probably got to go get ready, are you driving or are you being picked up?" oscar questioned as you just loved at how involved he was with everything even though he was across a couple of oceans

"i know right babe! and yeah, i'm just going to our room now to get dressed since i did my makeup just before you called actually *giggles* and kelly just picked up lily, alex and lando's new girlfriend and is on their way to ours now so, they should be here in like, five/ten minutes, since logan's girlfriend is already at the restaurant waiting for us," you smiled as oscar smiled again and mumbled a "mhm"

"well, i guess its time to end the call then babe. i love you so much, have fun tonight with the girls. talk with you tomorrow, yeah?" oscar starts to wrap up as you smiled as you stepped into your sweet little black dress you had picked out for the dinner

"okay. i love you so much more babe, and we plan to have fun but not too much obviously! and yeah, talk tomorrow! tell me everything about the races and we'll talk about other stuff as well since i won't have ellie and noah with me, bye-bye," you ended the call after hearing another faint "bye babe, love you" and finished getting ready

you were putting on your shoes and earrings when you came back down the stairs to see ellie and noah behaving perfectly with their nanna and pops. walking over to the couch, you gave them both hugs and kisses and then gave kisses to ellie and noah's heads.

"i am so sorry, nicole and chris, i was on the phone to oscar. he's in qatar with the rest of the teams and they have their race tonight. he was a little bit upset and started to cry after hearing ellie talk on the phone, asking him when he was coming home, but, apart from that, he's doing okay and is pleased to know that i'm doing much better this time around," you immediately gave nicole and chris the update from the phone call as they smiled, even though they heard about oscar's tears, they still smiled knowing he was okay

"oh, don't apologise y.n, thank you for the update. so, is kelly picking you up tonight?" nicole smiled as you smiled, nodding your head

"yes, nicole. kelly has already picked up lily, alexandra and lando's new girlfriend and logan's girlfriend is at the restaurant already holding the table for us. but kelly, lily, alexandra and lando's new wag should only be about five minutes away now. umm, of course, i don't need to go over the rules with you but, ellie and noah have said that for dinner tonight, they'd love it if they got some chocolate afterwards so, i have two little chocolate bars for them in the pantry that you can give to them afterwards. umm, yeah, i think that's all i have to say since you always know what to do but, yeah, thank you again for coming down to take care of them. i just didn't want to ask mum and dad to have them for four days in a row so, yeah," you smiled at the end as chris and nicole smiled as they sat with ellie and noah in their laps whilst the kids were focused on the kids show on the tv in front of them

"no worries. we'll make sure ellie and noah get those chocolate bars after dinner and, absolutely understandable, y.n. it's not a problem, ellie and noah are just the most perfect little angels ever! we love looking after them!" chris spoke up this time as nicole nodded her head as you nodded your head with a smile as you grabbed your handbag as kelly's car had just driven up the driveway

giving one last hug and kiss to ellie and noah and one last goodbye to your inlaws, you left your house out of the front door, closing the door behind you. not needing to lock it since both your inlaws were there and you climbed into kelly's car as you greeted each other, you, kelly, alexandra, lily and reintroducing yourself to lando's new girlfriend, before starting to car up and leaving for the restaurant where logan's girlfriend was patiently waiting for you.

fin

this was so much fun to rewrite but omg, this was not what i originally wanted to publish since i have a charles one-shot that's really sad but has ended up taking so much longer than expected. so, it's sitting in my drafts after deciding i wanted to put this one out first since it was way shorter lol and because i just wanted to publish something in the inbetween of the bigger charles one-shot.

#formula one #emotional angst #long distance relationships #not really any real triggers #max verstappen #lando norris #charles leclerc #oscar piastri #i'm already there

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mlmxreader · 4 months

Text

Maybe, Just Maybe | Maximus x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ okay, so "I can tell you like me because you keep staring" and “we’re gonna die here” with maximus pretty please 👀 ❞

: ̗̀➛ You and Maximus have a certain understanding of one another, and maybe that's why you're so fond of each other - or maybe it's because he's wonderful and he thinks you're amazing.

trigger warnings: ̗̀➛ swearing, violence, torture, trauma

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I'm gonna fuckin' die!"

The words were still ringing in your ear even as you sprawled out on the roof of what was once a petrol station; you almost smiled when the words just bounced around. Poor Maximus had never dealt with a hoard of ferals before and had panicked; but you helped each other through it to get where you were now.

Taking a break for a while to recuperate and get your bearings before carrying on. You could feel his gaze on you, and finally allowed yourself to grin as you hummed lazily.

"I can tell you like me because you keep staring, Max," you told him. "You can just say it, y'know."

Maximus swallowed thickly, as although the Brotherhood had instilled certain views on him, being able to freely express his affection for others - especially those who used to be raiders - wasn't exactly something he was entirely used to being able to do.

He still worried that the words would come out wrong and he would accidentally sound like a dick, but then he thought about how you told him that you went through the same. Raiders weren't allowed to freely express affection, either, and it was always treated as a weakness to be fond of anybody; but you learned, just as Maximus was starting to do so.

"I do like you," he agreed with a nod. "I just... I'm still a little shaken up, I thought... I thought we're gonna die here..."

You shook your head, reaching out and gently patting his knee as you offered a reassuring smile. "We'll be alright, don't worry. We'll learn together, and, y'know... maybe eventually we'll find a little island or something where we can settle down properly... just us two - and a fuck tonne of turrets."

He laughed at that, already feeling more than at ease; you always had that effect on him, being able to just radiate peace and easiness as if it came completely naturally. As if nothing could affect you or break you. But just like him, you had been broken once before.

When you first met Maximus, you were a radier, and even worse, you had a blood contract; between your testimony and the terminal he had hacked after being locked out six times - bloody things were so fiddly and would always lock him out - he had found out about what they did to you.

Beatings, starvation, pulling teeth and nails, breaking bones; constant, around the clock, torture. Maximus had saved you, and you wanted to pay your debt however you could.

You just didn't quite count on growing incredibly fond of him. He was funny, he wasn't a goody two shoes but he wasn't a cunt either, he was... he was so gorgeous when you saw how the setting sun danced across his features and glittered in his dark brown eyes. And his smile?

Oh, fuck.

His smile was prettier than anything you could have ever thought about. It immediately made you feel relaxed and peaceful, immediately made you feel like not only were you safe, but you were home too. How someone like him ever looked twice at you, you weren't sure. You knew that you didn't deserve him. That much was painfully obvious.

"Maybe a dog, too," Maximus said with a smile. "I heard stories, y'know - a super mutant who trains and sells dogs. Apparently, he lives on a downed plane on an island somewhere."

You nodded in agreement. "A dog would be nice... normal."

Maximus sucked in a harsh breath, letting you get closer to him; your head fell to his lap as you closed your eyes and smiled.

He swallowed thickly when he looked down at you, his heart pounding in his chest; you were the most wonderful looking person he had ever set eyes on, and he knew that he didn't deserve you.

You were smart and funny and good looking, your skills with a sniper rifle were all but unmatched and... and fuck, the way you made his heart pound and his hands shake was something he could hardly fathom.

For all it was worth, Maximus really did feel something for you.

"You ever think that maybe there's a chance of it?" He asked quietly. "Being... normal?"

You shrugged as you sought for his hand, holding it gently as you brought it to your chest. "Maybe not in the sense of going back to how things were before the war... but maybe there's a chance we can be normal in a different way."

He nodded, relaxing a little as he thought about how much fucking better it would be. "I'd like to be normal with you, if that's alright?"

You opened your eyes, staring up at him for a moment as you smiled so brilliantly. "I'd love that."

Maximus didn't even know what to say as he gave your hand a small squeeze, swallowing thickly and doing his best not to laugh and jump up; he was so glad that he had found you, and he was so glad that you had found him.

Even though he knew he would never deserve you, he would fight every day to remain at your side because he knew, he knew it like he knew the colour of the sky, that you would always do the same for him.

Maybe that was all that mattered anyway - not deserving or anything like that. But being willing to fight for one another when the cards were down; being willing to do anything to keep each other safe.

He liked the sound of that, and he knew that if he said it, you would have, too; but with the sun starting to set and the tiredness starting to creep in, Maximus knew that such words would have to wait for another day.

But for now, he could take comfort in knowing that you were there with him; you were there to give him understanding, comfort and support when he needed it the most.

if you made it to the end of this fic and you enjoyed it, then please, if you have any cash to spare, even if it's just a few pounds, then please consider sharing whatever you can to help Mahmoud to rebuild his home.

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protocolseben · 11 months

Text

(3 days before flight)

"Rocky, should I untether Mark from the pipes?"

"Don't even think about it Sebastian. I don't want to get into trouble !"

»»» 11th Day of Mission

Load LOG : // SL-21-20XX-28-12_01…

(alternate title : fuck characterisation, hello OOC. get OOC pain'd.)

###########

23:04:26:85 UTC +1 CET

Recording? Ok...so today-

("Talking into your diary again like a girl, love? ")

"Fucking…" clunk "It's my logging session. I'll throw something at you."

("Did you forget where you are?")

"Fick dich."

("…I hope that's German for 'I like you a lot?' ")

< clunk >

recording terminated due to lack of sound / voice activity.

###########

END LOG SL-21-20XX-28-12_01

// -----------------------------

Load LOG : // SL-21-20XX-28-12_02…

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23:11:33:02 UTC +1 CET

…Ok, the light is on, it is recording now.

This morning the Earth looked bluer than usual, and I really liked it, so I grabbed the camera and quickly snapped a picture. My photography skills are good enough!

NASA's Jackson called us the noisiest astronauts ever. Fair... But he did remark on how efficiently Mark and I get the work done around the station, given the state and the age of the machines. We would really just split the massive amount of maintenance into two and made sure we tied up any loose ends, and they were always impressed.

Today we had to do a pretty massive job of putting on the NOAX stuff on the many of the station panels. It was our second time doing a spacewalk in only eleven days, so that's a big thing. And it was…four hours outside, putting basically space caulk. Heat really gets to these big guys! The application was less than fantastic though, as we had to use spatulas to put them on…it was a really careful science experiment. There's Mark and me, stuck to only the metal railings of the station for our lives, putting state-of-the-art things with some ma's spatula. It's hot doing this the whole day, just mashing this stuff in! Sweating in space is not fun…

I looked up the stuff when I got back from the work. They use these things in Formula 1 cars…? Well you learn something new everyday and experience new things too, but I'm not sure how this caulk thing will benefit that much… probably only useful if Michael Schumacher goes 27 thousand kilometres per hour, sure…

Ok, I have been putting off talking about Mark.

The previous recordings already have them, but for memory's sake, I will just mention it here. I know, I know, I'm going to be 24 next year, and here I am, still feeling like i'm in middle school with how I'm acting.

We've been co-workers for two years now, and we've had our fair share of being at each other's necks. Horner didn't help either. The only thing he had to say to us before we left was that we were like an old married couple. And to get "our shit sorted by the end of the trip".

Well…

It really is hard to put it into words. It was pretty obvious to everyone, so I am the idiot here. Hah... I tried not to think much of it, especially during the suit up procedure for the spacewalks. it needed two people anyway.

Before we went back into the airlock, the bastard went to unhook my tether off the metal railing! Fucker!! Do you know how screwed we'll get if I wasn't anywhere with the EMU? He had the gall to laugh in his suit. I should have just beaten his face in just now.

("You didn't mention me holding your hands?")

clnk

("oh shoot--")

recording terminated due to lack of sound / voice activity.

###########

END LOG SL-21-20XX-28-12-2

----------------

#sebmark #writing #art

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chronosh0t · 7 months

Text

ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔. 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒.

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𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: ah, this is actually something really silly. it's not first pov because I can't write it properly yet (third pov either but) and i don't know, again, I like unhinged Lee an abnormal amount. ㅤㅤㅤ nothing explicit actually, so no need for tags.

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Entry Number: 60.

It's March 14th. I know, during these times, no one will remember what it means today, I know very well. It's been so long since these holidays were celebrated properly, but deep down I still hope he knows, I still hope for him to give me something, to tell me, to show me. Am I going insane? Am I asking for too much? Maybe. Either way, spending time should be more than enough but I'm getting greedy.

That's all. I need some fresh air.

⸺

Zenas woke up early that day. Or more precisely, he actually didn't close an eye during the entire night, so after rolling from one side to another of the bed and his back hurting from staying in the same position, it definitely was best to just get up and walk to the lounge, after all, he still had some reports to do. A never ending job, actually.

Walking inside and closing the door behind him, everything engulfed in silence and the first ray of sunlight barely making their way in, he could see the little dust floating in the air. It felt cosy. Zenas first step directed him straight to the cupboard, he needed some coffee if he wanted to avoid mistakes in those reports, the idea of having to do them again was particularly attractive. He didn't notice.

After he sat down, only then he saw the white box placed right in the middle of the table. It felt quite out of place that it took him a while to realise he wasn't imagining things out of tiredness. After giving it some thoughts, his hand picked the box, flawlessly white and a red ribbon tied. It didn't have a name, there wasn't a note attached to it either, he pondered if opening would be a good idea, it could be meant for someone else. Well, he could just tie the ribbon again and pretend he didn't see anything.

So, white box opened. The note that'd usually be outside was stored inside but instead of a proper message only ones and zeros filled the tiny paper. A binary code. Zenas could help but giggle, it was obvious who left it there, he only needed to know what that code meant. He turned on his terminal and searched.

“ 01000010 01100101 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01110111 01100001 01111001 01110011 00101110 ”.

What the fuck? Is this supposed to be romantic? Zenas knew well enough that Lee is a bit odd sometimes, and his emotions and feelings can be quite complicated to understand. He is aware of that, but if he intended to be romantic or give Zenas some reassurance, that message definitely didn't. It made his skin crawl. And he failed to notice it again.

#pgr #punishing gray raven #pgr lee #lee hyperreal #pgr global #oc x canon #canon divergence #white day?#maybe #sae pgr writings

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davidfosterwallaceandgromit · 1 month

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i have a question about trapdoor. the story that dean tells about the terminal illness, is dean the mom in that fake scenario? bc my first thought was mark of cain but then figured the terminal illness was referring to cas being dead bc dean was the one drinking. anyway im obsessed with ur story now

Hi! You got it, Dean is the alcoholic mom. There's a bit of him in the "me" character too, since Darren knows some stuff about him, like calling Jack his stepkid and, obv, being an alcoholic.

In the initial draft, instead of fishing, Dean and Darren did the obvious thing, which is to have sex (since Darren is, of course, just Benny). This was the "turning point" for Dean on his bachelor vacation. Here is a deleted scene excerpt:

But the emotional fallout of that wasn't really right. Having sex with a man as a stand in for your bestie is more of a Denial Phase activity, like I think it would have been more appropriate during when Cas was dead. (Also, if we're doing Realistic Supernatural, there won't be gay sex, unfortunately.) As Part 1 developed and became more about alcoholic family systems than repressed homosexuality, chapter 5 turned into the beginning of the Acceptance Phase. So Darren gets the job of first AA sponsor instead of first male sex partner. And instead of banging a dude, Dean gets in a bar fight with one.

Obviously, for Dean to tell Darren his "story," he has to change it somewhat, so he does so per these Dean Rules in my Trapdoor outline doc, which are derived from many conversations with @autisticandroids . Having Dean give himself the mom role has to do with the Mary stuff going on in the story, and also (as B has said to me many times) how Dean will willingly turn himself into a woman at the drop of a hat without rly examining why. ;)

#trapdoor #spn #anonymous #asks #thank you for your msg! 💖

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expirednostalgia · 1 month

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[ david castañeda, cis man, he/him ] — whoa! MIGUEL CORTEZ just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for 1 YEAR working as a VET TECH. that can’t be easy, especially at only 35 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit SARDONIC and WITHDRAWN, but i know them to be RELIABLE and PRAGMATIC. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to STATEN ISLAND!

FULL NAME: Miguel Cortez

NICKNAME: N/A

AGE: 35

DATE OF BIRTH: November 18th

GENDER: Cis Man

PRONOUNS: He/Him

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single

PLACE OF BIRTH: Houston, TX

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Havenwood Suites, Staten Island, NY

OCCUPATION: Vet Tech @ Soft Paws Clinic

AESTHETIC: Half finished mugs of coffee and dark circles under your eyes, an ache in your shoulders from carrying too much, the sound of your siblings' laughter echoing off the walls of the room you've all cramped into, a look of vague disinterest, stacks of books you'll get around to eventually, an old photo in one hand and a lengthy to-do list in the other, a small voice waking you up in the middle of the night to check the closet for monsters, the ever-present feeling that someone is missing

▷ currently playing —— I FEEL HOW THE SNOW FALLS BY CHOIR BOY.

Bio ! (death, terminal illness, grief, anxiety tws)

For some a large family may have seemed overwhelming or felt like it was easy to get lost between the cracks, but even at a young age, it was something Miguel enjoyed being part of. For a quiet kid who preferred to stay out of the spotlight, it suited him to have six other children around to soak up attention. In a lot of ways, he grew up feeling like his siblings were a security blanket, even if the majority of them were younger than him.

Growing up, Miguel was largely a well-behaved kid, aside from never-ending sarcastic remarks. He was the type of kid to do well in school, stay clear of most trouble, and focus on saving up for college, not because he felt obligated to set a good example for his siblings, but more out of a genuine interest in learning and disinterest in getting pulled into the conflicts of others.

That wasn't to say he never got wrapped up in other's problems. In fact, he always seemed to be helping his childhood friend out with whatever she was going through, and the same could be said about her with him. Polar opposites, someone who could pull Miguel out of his shell, they were each other's platonic soulmate. It was really no surprise to anyone when he was the person to help her out when she became a single mother, earning the honorary title of 'uncle Miguel'.

Life was all he could want it to be for a while, his siblings were around, he got to play a major part in his best friend's and her son's life, and was content with working at a vet clinic. And then suddenly things weren't too great. His friend got sick and kept getting worse to the point the very serious discussion of who would take care of her son came up. She didn't have family she was close to the way Miguel did and the kid's father had never been in the picture, so Miguel was the obvious choice.

So a promise was made and not too soon after, Miguel found himself raising a young kid on his own. A whole year passed and he felt like he wasn't cutting it, like he wasn't upholding his promise well enough while juggling new guardianship with grieving. Feeling stuck, he packed the two of them up and headed to the city, hoping that being closer to some of his siblings and away from where he grew up would help.

It's been a year now, and he still doesn't feel like he completely knows what he's doing. All he knows is that he made a promise and intends to honor it and do right by the kid he's raising.

Misc. !

The type of sibling to threaten to block every single one of their numbers whenever they're blowing up the group chat with memes he does not care about, but at the same time would drop everything to be there for them at 2 a.m. (within reason now just because he has a kid under his care now). Essentially acts annoyed but is a real ride or die.

Bounces between "yeah, sure you can vent to me, I'll help you clean up this mess" and "stop including me in this, oh my god I'm so tired, please get your shit together"

He carries so much anxiety around this guardian role. Part of it is "do I even know what I'm doing?", but the vast majority of it is just like "am I doing right by my friend? Am I raising Sonny the way she would've wanted? If she saw us now, would she approve?"

Definitely more of an animal person than a people person.

On top of that, getting him to socialize and go out is a chore. He can and will come up with a million excuses to stay in and if you somehow convince him to go out, you can guarantee he's going to complain about wishing he was home. Also, just not a yapper and more of a "if I have something to say, then I'll talk. If not, then I'm keeping quiet" type of person.

Honestly??? Doesn't know how to live in the present. He somehow manages to be too preoccupied about the future and a number of ways things could go wrong while also being very stuck on things that have already come to pass.

Between already being a pretty withdrawn person and then losing his very best friend, he does not make it easy to get to know him. Very much that post that's like 'when they start with that 'you never open up to me' nonsense but you've only known them for 5 years.........."

Wanted Connections/Plots !

All of his siblings, please and thank you. x

Fellow Parents: Will he directly ask for advice? Maybe, maybe not, but he'll definitely want to hang around with them and observe so he can later spiral and be like "I am in fact doing everything wrong!!!" But you know, maybe they can sort of help ease the pressure he puts on himself.

Babysitter: Unfortunately for him, he is going to get dragged out sometimes and he'll need someone to watch Sonny for him. This is something he would take very seriously, so it would have to be someone with prior experience with kids.

Opposites Attract: Like in a platonic way. Someone more high energy and social to drag him out to get him to enjoy things from time to time. And who knows, maybe there could be some angst attached to this because it's like "do I enjoy you as a person or do you just remind me of my dead friend?? Am I trying to replace someone with you??" </3

Misery Loves Company: Hear me out, I just enjoy grumpy characters sitting together and being grumpy together! Do they have to necessarily be friends? No, but they can just complain to each other and lament about how everything has gone wrong for them whenever they're around each other.

An Annoyance: In general I need more antagonistic plots, but anyway! This is just that one person he can't seem to get along with at all. The vibe is "it's a city of 8 million people and yet we keep running into each other and every single time it is a nightmare and I hate you more than I did previously."

More Ideas Here ! Open to anything though <3

#death tw #anxiety tw #grief tw #terminal illness tw #boroughs.intro #˖ ࣪ . ࿐ ♡ ˚ . miguel cortez ⟢ intro #i did not proofread this fuck it we ball !!

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ishtates · 3 months

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Teutates Taranis Headcanons !!!

( She / They / It )

- was once human, died from being shot to death by the DDD on her way to visit Nacha. The mass shooting happened because she accidentally stumbled upon a hoard of dopplegangers and thus termination began. What brought her back was mutation from the blood and gases of the Doppleganger corpses as well as vengance.

- as a human, she had a giant scar on her forehead from a fight, she later got a tattoo over it, it is the only tattoo Teutates has that she had prior to dying. The rest of the tattoos simply grew on their own

- She doesn't usually go to the human world to annihilate things, usually other realms, but she does occasionally resurface if a human attempted to call for and commission her or if she simply felt like it

- it's very accident prone, like, VERY. Has accidentally broken utensils, cups, chairs, tables, Windows, it's own bones, other people's bones.. thus, when off work, it tries to be BEYOND careful, knowing it can slip up very easily

- ^^ it has actually cried over breaking things before because usually it genuinely didn't mean to and it upsets it that it can't control it very well

- in 1955: was pretty cold to the doorman, not liking that they worked for the DDD. It also just wasn't very fond of humans in general, but would never outwardly insult them.

In 2024: far nicer and more kind. Will ask the doorman if they're ok and will at least attempt to smile at them sometimes, they're one of the few humans Teutates can trust

- her brother is Ah Puch, he suffered a similar fate ( but that's for another post ). She's quite protective of him and understands why he tends to cling to her often, though that doesn't mean the ol sibling banter doesn't occur, she will sometimes tease him becsuse she can

- of the 4 nightmares that were once human, Teutates is the one with the poorest memory of her past, only remembering stuff because Ah Puch, the one who remembers most, told her, and she trusts him ( and he's right ). Naturally, Ah Puch doesn't have all the answers

- pretty 50/50 relationship with Yog. She hates him because he's annoying, pretentious, a drama queen, and hogs Ishtar, but she sometimes can find a friend in him through shared opinions, hobbies, and a mutual care for Ishtar ( Teutates and Ishtar being together and Yog being Ishtar's best friend ). Think of it like Jian Hao and Vincent

- They actually don't like singing and can't play any instrument besides the ukulele. They don't have much confidence in their singing voice, and they picked up the ukulele because it helps them relax and reminds them of Ishtar

- Lesbian. I think that's obvious

- They present however they wish, the only clothing item they refuse to wear is any type of dress, skirts are only an exception if they're gothic

- STRONG croatian accent. Think of Frost Queen Cookie but if she mostly spoke croatian all her life

- obv they were born in 1914 ( they are 41. Eternally ) so they only knew themself as Yugoslavian. Nowadays they go back n forth between Croatian and Yugoslavian

- they don't remember their original birthday besides the year, so the DDD assigned them a new one: March 3rd. They don't like doing anything big for their birthday, they prefer just having a small party with their neighbors

- Yeah they're not very social. In their human life they were more energetic but that didn't and still doesn't equate to social, but they have a lot of confidence and assertiveness, they won't take your shit

- it annihilates through lightning, weapons, and mind powers, though not using weapons does tend to make it more tired.

- actually has quite the mischievous and wicked side, enjoying watching those she even finds mildly annoying get hurt, and her insults can HURT as she cackles at your misery

- you hurt Ishtar you are catching these hands ✨

- doesn't feel toooo close to most of the neighbors but likes most of them in some way. She does wish the neighbors would stop assuming she's just scary and mean, though

- really doesn't gaf if you call her a dude, mayyybe she'll correct you but usually she'll just ignore it

- it enjoys listening to music, will usually lay there and let its thoughts run as music plays in thr background

- it's hard to explain, but it's simultaneously low and high energy. Can absolutely chase someone down for miles and can do parkour, but is often also quite tired and sleepy

- she got with Ishtar on Valentine's day of 1957, she was the one to confess and managed to get her some spider lily flowers

- is the very loving, sweet, but also very protective and chaotic GF. Loves putting Ishtar in a shopping cart and running around, but also likes to just cuddle

- doesn't matter that he's 32, she basically treats Ah Puch like her son sometimes

- she's actually an artist ! She enjoys to draw and paint a lot :]

#that's not my neighbor #tnmn #tnmn nightmare mode #teutates taranis #ishtar ereskigal #yog sothoth #ah puch xilbalbá #that's not my neighbor nightmare mode

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naquey · 7 months

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His Butler, Broken

A/n: I believe this to be my magnum opus, mainly because of the length. Technically, it is a sequel fic, but only partially. It only calls back a little to the first one other than naming characters, but they'll be reintroduced now as it loosely follows Sebastian's point of view.

[Chapter 2]

Following the death of Ciel Phantomhive the demon butler didn't expect himself to spiral out of control. He wasn't aware of the fact Ciel had become almost like a son to him but, when the end came he found himself unprepared. Luckily, Ciel knew that this would have taken a tole. He was aware to how close he had gotten to his butler despite being a literal demon. So he had something instated for Sebastian to fall back on, something he had kept from the demon until the day he was finally ready for his soul to be devoured.

"You need to keep your brother on a tighter leash! He went on a rampage and killed thousands of people in Germany!"

The angel flinched away from the woman with fiery hair and emerald eyes. She leaned over the desk, knuckles turning white her claws dug into the wooden surface. This was the second time this month Raziel was in the department of a higher up, and once again it was following something Sebastian did. It was obvious now that his brother was torn apart by the fact he cause Ciel Phantomhive's death, but it was inevitable.

"I know, I know. I just haven't found out how to calm him down yet..."

"Find out quicker or we're going to be dealing with a lot more than thousands of people dying! Not only is he overworking the reapers but he's also affecting human life that was never involved with him!" She barked in his face.

War was a terrifying woman. She ran on pure rage alone, not someone that anyone would want to mess with. Out of the four horsemen she was the worst of them all. Now, Sebastian wasn't the only otherworldly concern. The demon was a very big concern because of his rampages but Death was also missing. He's been missing for quite a long time. Since the reapers are being overworked there isn't anyone to truly moderate it. Sure, they can try to moderate it themselves but without their horseman at the helm attempting is futile.

"I'm waiting for the right time to give him that letter Ciel left him."

"There is never going to be a 'right time' with him! He's going to continue on like this unless you do something to stop him!"

"What if I can't stop him?" Raziel asked.

"Then we'll have to terminate him."

"Isn't that a little too hasty? Wait— You need the four of you to destroy him."

"No. The four of us would be needed to destroy this world we have created, only one is required to destroy that in which we molded after ourselves. Although, without your brother you would be incomplete." War sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "If it were any of the Sins they would need to be together in entirety, all seven of them are needed to destroy a demon, angel, or reaper."

"I thought the Sins were just a silly story that humans told their offspring?" Raziel rose a brow.

"You're changing the subject!" She sneered through gritted teeth, fangs glinting in the yellow light that illuminated the room.

"You're the one who brought it up..."

"Just— Get that damned demon on a leash before I have to do something about it, I'm not as forgiving as I appear to be."

"I get it, you're holding back."

Raziel stood from the broken chair that had been stabbing into his back for the past hour. Relief washed over his face as his hands quickly went to rub at the irritated area. Like her name suggested, War's office was broken down and torn apart. From the looks of it she had stopped buying new furniture after the continuous destruction. As much as he was curious of whether or not the Sins did truly exist there was a much more important pressing matter. Finding Sebastian. The good thing is he didn't go and destroy Britain, otherwise that would have really pissed off the horsemen of the apocalypse.

Exiting through the door he had come through the butler clad in white found himself back on the busy streets of London. It seems Ciel's death hadn't majorly affected the human world as much as it had affected the otherworldly beings. Running a hand down his face his feet carried him in a random direction. Unlike his brother, Raziel didn't feel the need to cause massive amounts of destruction after Oscar had died. He'd known this was coming for a long time. It was ultimately Sebastian's fault to get involved with a human being he'd made a contract with. That was the first and only rule he willingly broke without a second thought. Shaking his head with a laugh he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. Humans were complicated, confusing, and overall just small beings compared to angels and demons. They were their food after all, they had to be small in comparison. The ultimate predator needs no predator of their own. Especially not when it comes to their food.

Pulling the letter from his waist coat his gloved fingertips ran over the wax seal. Ciel's refined handwriting decorated the back of the envelope addressing the letter to the demon. It had only been two weeks since he'd seen his brother but it feels like it has been centuries from the way he was acting. It was in fact against code to kill humans that are not involved in a contract, but it's very clear wrath and gluttony have taken the demon over. Sins and Virtues were put in place as a way to hold humans down and make sure they continue to fight one another instead of finding out the truth about their world. Their little minds wouldn't be able to handle the information.

His eyes flashed golden for a second. Humans always smelled wonderful in the morning. He was almost envious of the way Sebastian could just willingly deal away with all these humans lives and not feel remorse for what damage he has caused. He was envious of all the food he was eating. He wished he was the person who thought about it first. Raziel mentally cursed himself for not taking to killing thousands of people. Humans were beneath him no matter what he thought of those in contracts with him. They were bugs to be crushed under his feet, small lives that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Even the tainted humans like vampires and werewolves were below him, although he wouldn't dare eat them.

There was no way to travel to Germany without the help of a reaper. They had the easier and faster ways to travel after all. With headquarters all over the globe they obviously had a way to cross the world. Reapers were far more easier to deal with than other demons and angels, although there were rather annoying reapers he'd much rather avoid. Namely one Grell Sutcliff, but she always managed to find him. Possibly it was because he was related to Sebastian, or just for her own amusement. She was nice company when she wanted to be tolerable.

"What are you doing here without a contractee?"

Snapped out of his thoughts by the reaper in the tan trench coat there was a ghost of a smile on his face. Matthew O'Harris was a much more pleasant surprise then getting snuck up on by Grell Sutcliff. Stuffing the letter back into his waistcoat Raziel only chuckled dryly.

"Angels don't always need contracts to walk amongst the lower life forms."

"Ouch, I was once human you know." Matthew snickered, humor a bit too dry for his liking.

"I'm well aware, but you are no longer human so you do not count."

"Didn't you have a contract with a human?"

"Yes, but it was terminated not long after..."

"Ah, right. I'll take it you want to go see him quickly, eh?" Matthew pulled a iron key with a skull on it from his pocket.

They had stopped at the entrance of an abandoned alleyway. Shoulder to shoulder the angel was far taller than the reaper could ever be. Emanating a faint glow as the buildings blocked out the sunlight, Raziel watched the reaper use the back end of the key to outline a door-esque shape on the red brick and flip this key around. It was magical how once the key was inserted in the keyhole and turned a door appeared before their very eyes. The reapers always had fun things attached to their job. They only had to deal with collecting the souls, not taking care of those same souls until the moment they died.

"You're lucky I'm on my way to the German branch, it's a good thing they said they needed help."

"Yes, a good thing indeed." Raziel rolled his eyes. He never liked travelling companions.

The door opened to a path surrounded by the cosmos. Swirls of colors mixed together and curled around one another. Tones of purple and red, orange and pink all mixed together among the black expanse. No matter how many times Raziel has seen the paths of the dead he was still speechless upon seeing them. Matthew didn't wait for him. He walked on ahead with no intention of stopping and talking to him. That was another reason why Raziel didn't want to run into Grell, she would most certainly stop and talk to him the entire way. Talk his ear off until they reached their destination and had to part ways. People like that were awfully dull. Those who spoke incessantly had nothing of interest going on about them. Wearing their heart on their sleeve and their soul as an open book led to very uneventful beings. That too was something he didn't like about humans. Even those that tried to convince others or themselves that they weren't as open like a book were the most predictable and boring individuals on the planet.

Oscar was among those like that. He lived and died without changing, not even an inch. Raziel felt better off without him, but at the same time he was starving without him. Maybe he hadn't enjoyed the soul as much as he should have. Quickly eating was a habit he'd tended to pick up from Death, his creator. Perhaps gluttony had come from Death as well.

Raziel could no longer see Matthew as he made it to the end of the pathway. Typically this would only shut him inside until another reaper came to get him or happened upon him by accident, but he could see the open door at the other end. The forest of Germany greeted him when he stepped out. The rain already soaking through his white clothing causing the darker colors to show through so quickly. Scowling at the rain his ears twitched feeling something in the air. Sebastian was here. He was thankful, at least, to be able to sense other beings like himself. It made his job easier.

The angel didn't have to go looking for the demon when his brother came to him. Tackled to the disgusting, wet ground by the man clad in black his reflexes kicked in when Sebastian had bit him hard on the arm. Black blood oozed out of the injury and sizzled in the falling rain. The brothers struggled for what seemed like eternity rolling around on the horrid terrain of Earth. Dirtying their clothes and themselves with dirt and their blood. It seemed Sebastian had simply overdosed on human souls and was now displaying Wrath fueled by all those angry beings. They weren't properly absorbed to become one with him.

"You've turned into a filthy animal." Raziel scoffed, kicking Sebastian in the stomach.

"Really, look at yourself. This lack of moderation is unbecoming of you Zariel."

Something about his true name made Sebastian snap even further. It was like the angel was looking at someone entirely different from the demon he'd known for years. This reaction would only come if they were fighting for their food but there was no food to fight over, not when Sebastian had eaten almost all of it. Raziel stilled kept silverware in his waist coat, just in case he needed to defend himself against something that wasn't human. Using them on his brother wasn't entirely ideal but he had no other choice. Of course, his brother didn't have the power to kill him but he needed to be put to rest only for a moment.

"It's like you loved that human so much you became something like it."

Sebastian didn't respond, far too gone to respond to anything. Not even a response to the insults. Deep down he knew that he was becoming a disgusting creature. There was just this hole that couldn't be filled. Neverminded eating thousands of people, that hole would stay. He felt broken, incomplete without the missing piece. Something really was torn away from him when he had to kill Ciel at the end of their contract. He looked at his brother with unbridled rage in his eyes. Anger towards a being who could mercilessly take a human life and not feel anything toward it.

"You and I may not be two different sides of the same coin after all, I mean, I wouldn't have this reaction to a mere human being killed by my hand. Better it by you than something else." Raziel's talking annoyed him, like nails on a chalk board.

Holding his hands over his ears he screwed his eyes shut tight. Blocking the angel out the best he could all these voices on the inside were screaming at him. He really had eaten too much. This sick and twisted cacophony played inside him like an orchestra. Ciel was like a child to him. Was like a son to him. Someone that meant everything to him. Without that piece there was a part of him that was missing. He was truly flawed. He was nothing like his brother. His time on Earth had indeed tainted him greatly.

"Answer me, you mutt!" Raziel had grabbed him harshly by the collar, spitting in his face. "Why have you decided to destroy not only yourself but everyone else around you?!"

There was something swimming in Sebastian's eyes. Behind their red hue was that hint of unabsorbed souls swimming within him. Bouncing around as if his body was a bouncy castle. A grimace fell upon Raziel's face as he let go of his brother, letting him crash toward the dirt. He was feeling more than just disappointment. This rage bubbled inside of him seeing his brother so recklessly horrid. So torn apart by a mere human. A mere tiny life form compared to their ethereal forever.

"I believed you were finally worthy of this, but you are worthy of nothing. You should be below me with your precious humanity." Raziel pulled the letter from his waist coat, the rain begun to soak it. He was able to fix it, of course, but he was taunting the demon.

"No!" Sebastian finally screamed, it came out strained, as if his vocal cords hadn't been used in forever. His voice was raw.

"No? Finally, you say something." Raziel sighed.

"Give me that! Is it from Ciel?!" Sebastian reached out to grab the letter but Raziel wasn't going to give it to him, obviously.

"Are you really still rambling on about that puny human? I expected better of you."

"Give me the letter!" Sebastian cried, the tears that ran down his face matched the color of his eyes.

"Now you're crying."

"Give me— The letter..."

Sebastian heaved, it was odd now that he had suddenly calmed down once he'd laid eyes on the letter that Ciel had written. Raziel shook his head and looked up at the sky. He hoped the horsemen were looking down at him and pitying him for having to deal with his brother like this. Grabbing Sebastian's arm harshly the angel pulled the demon to his feet and grimaced at the disheveled state of his clothes. Sebastian had barely laid his eyes on his brother now that he was calm before he had fallen unconscious. Supporting him despite wanting to let him fall and leave him their he noticed the woman in red he wanted nothing to do with. Once she spotted them she immediately came running over with her death scythe clutched tightly in her hands.

"You know, I was wondering when you would show up— Oh dear, is bassy..." Grell's eyes widened, Sebastian being unconscious became clearer the closer she was.

"I believe he's just passed out due to all of those unabsorbed souls."

"Then we'll have to take him to the reaper hospital."

"We?" Raziel rose a brow, his face otherwise blank.

"Yes! We. There's no way you're just leaving him with me like this, I'm not going to be the one to explain to my superiors what happened." Grell planted her hands on her hips.

"How come I have to explain this to your superiors? I was never a reaper."

"He's your brother, you found out how to calm him down."

"Alright, let's just go to that stupid mortal hospital."

Unlike angels and demons, reapers had a hospital in which they operated out of. Those who reaped souls were once human themselves. It was a way to keep a bit of that humanity instead of othering themselves. Raziel was uncomfortable in the hospital. He was uncomfortable around reapers in general. It didn't matter if they were no longer human, they were once human and that made them less than what they seemed to be. He'd explained to Grell's higher ups, leaving her in the hospital room with Sebastian. When the demon came to she had a frown on her face.

"How did you eat five thousand souls without stopping and thinking about the consequences?" Her voice was level, she was holding his hand.

"I— What?"

"Sebastian, those souls were going to rip you apart."

"What do you mean?" He asked, completely serious.

"You ate five thousand souls! What else is there to say?"

"I... Ate five thousand souls?"

Grell sighed and shook her head. On the bedside table was the letter that Ciel had written to Sebastian. It was like he was noticing it for the first time today. Reaching over to pick it up the red-haired woman furrowed her brows in confusion. Did he really still care about that letter?

"Ciel... Where— Where is the young master?"

Moving to sit up he looked around frantically. It was heartbreaking watching him like this. It was as if nothing that had transpired ever happened at all. It was was if he completely had forgotten the rampages he'd gone on or the damage that he'd caused. Like this he looked frail and powerless.

"Sebastian, he's dead."

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