#wasn't AM selling it in their shop a while ago?

[somelazyassartist]

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[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Happily Unrequited

tags: gn!reader

a/n: first writing-related post for 2024 and this idea hasn't left me alone for the past couple of days. so i figured why not make a hc post for it

"it's okay i wasn't shooting my shot or anything. i already know you don't feel the same way, i definitely am not saying anything because i thought i was seeing signs you liked me back or anything like that. i just wanted you to know. just act the same as you usually do."

your feelings aren't requited but you're surprisingly okay with that. the real question is whether or not they are as okay with as you are.

avoids you

MEGUMI tries to treat you as normal but it starts getting into his head all the signs he's missed. it becomes blatantly obvious now that you've pointed it out. you're not flirting with him or making any moves on him, no. but now megumi hears the affectionate lilt in your tone. he sees the adoration in your eyes. it's all directed at him and he doesn't really know how to process that and still act the same. he asks you once why you wanted to tell him how you felt when he didn't feel the same way. you simply tell him "i just wanted you to know you're loved." when megumi draws back, you decide to give him space for a while to process everything. surprisingly irritated by how easily you give it to him but megumi reminds himself he placed the distance between you both first.

NOBARA you're acting normal and it's unfair. she doesn't understand how you're able to drop such a big thing on her and then continue on your merry way like it's nothing. you have to be testing her. in her mind, it becomes a competition of sorts to act more nonchalant about your confession. apparently, the best way for her to do that is by avoiding you. her friends tell her she's losing in a battle that you don't even know you're fighting. nobara doesn't want to admit herself that she is more bothered by this sudden revelation than she says she is. is doubly upset if you don't try and reach out when she avoids you and that causes her to storm over to you one day on campus about it. "i just thought you needed space so i didn't want to bother you." why is she the one loosing the idgaf war?

normal

YUUJI takes everything in stride. you're still one of yuuji's closest friends and that's what truly matters here. his love for you may be different than your love for him, but at the end of the day you both want to be in each other's life still. that's what truly counts here. very little, if anything, changes in your dynamic with yuuji. you still sleepover at each other's place, you still window shop at the mall and enable each other's dumb impulse purchases and you still text each other in class about the newest chapter of a manga you're both reading. the continued normalcy makes you feel warm and satisfied. does feel overly conscious about talking about people he is into though now that he knows how you feel for him. it's somewhat dampened by how you talk about your class and celebrity crushes around him like normal. he guesses you got over him relatively quickly then.

KENTO cool as a cucumber, he accepts your feelings in stride just as you. asks if you need space for a while but you grin and say you're fine. you confessed for the freedom and closure having made peace with everything ages ago before you said anything. "just know your loved, ken," you told him life goes on from there and you continue on your daily habits. unconsciously enjoys all the little things. he wonders occasionally how much of the minute details you remember about him are due to your affections. how you remember the exact pastries he likes. how if they stop selling at his favorite bakeries, you somehow find them somewhere else. how you always supply him with a warm cup of coffee from his cafe when he's feeling down. how on his most tired of days you supply his eyes with a nice compress from a soaked towelette. kento wonders if it is wrong for him to think it is nice to be taken care of like this even if he doesn't return your feelings.

not as normal as they expected themselves to be

YUUTA all yuuta wants is for you to be comfortable. maybe you were lying when you said you were fine. maybe you were just trying to be conscious of his feelings when you said he could act as he normally does with you. all these thoughts swirl in his head and he feels guilty when his guilt was the last thing you wanted. you're the one who was rejected, why are you the one bending over backwards for his sake? would probably try avoiding you if you didn't flick his forehead and tell him he should stop overthinking everything. also, you're pretty sure that pretty maki girl likes him. you encourage him to shoot his shot while she's still single.

SATORU normal on the outside, contemplative on the inside. because of this, satoru interacts the most with the fact you're in love with him. he asks the why, when, where as to why you fell in love with him, when you realized it, where did this all start. he doesn't ask to be cruel, satoru just genuinely wants to know. is relieved at the end of the day his lack of feeling the same way changes your friendship. he enjoys having you in his life as a friend. it catches him off guard one day when spur of the moment jealousy takes root in him when he sees you laughing your head off with someone he doesn't know. because you aren't just laughing. you're clutching your stomach, hunched over wheezing at whatever that goon just said. his eyes says you and rando are just friends. the rest of him says otherwise. "i'm the one you're in love with, right?" slips out of his mouth before he can help himself.

[akutasoda]

Could I request Gepard with a toymaker s/o who loves making and selling toys to little kids? I can't help but picture them gifting Geppie a plushie of himself.

Also, are you doing well?

made with love

synopsis - the toymaker he adores gift's him a plush with a simple question

includes - gepard

warnings - gn!reader, fluff, slight pining, wc - 1k

a/n: i am doing well! i hope you are aswell :)

taglist - @teddirika

you had first caught his eye when he was returning from the front lines. he had promised to swing by his sister's workshop and on his way he spotted a new stall not too far away from the florists, it had various bright colours and shapes that he could barely make out from this distance and they intrigued him. much like a child to a candy shop, he started moving toward your stall - his sister's workshop could wait.

the first thing he would notice is the large crowd of people near the stall, all children with their respective carers. the second thing he would notice is the owner of the stall. the bright smile you adorned as you crouched beside a child showing off a toy nearly distracted him from beautiful you were. he watched as you handed the toy to the child before another took intrest in another toy and you happily handed it too them.

he watched you work a bit longer than he thought before remembering he still had to see his sister and so he quickly turned heel and left. he spent some time with serval as she rambled on about her latest invention but he wasn't really listening because all he could think about was you. serval easily noticed her brother's lack of engagement and quickly shut down her rambled and asked him what was keeping him so lost in thought.

he asked her if she had seen the new stall near the florists and she explained you showed up a couple of days ago - that made sense to him as he had

been on the frontline for about a week. he then followed up by asking if she had the chance to talk to you which she obviously said no as she had been cooped up in her workshop. now he really was curious and so he quickly bid his sister farewell.

if you were being honest, you saw the captain of silvermane guards watch you earlier and it intimidated you. it made you think you did something wrong and now you could visibly see him walk towrds you again, making you panic even more. you were one hundred percent sure you had all the right paperwork and permits to be operating on the streets of belobog and you were sure you didn't commit any crimes, so why was he heading over?

gepard had noticed your stall had calmed down a bit and decided to find out who you were and why you plagued his thoughts. he approachhed you rather directly after he thanked another parent for their purchase and he could see you were visibly worried. he opened by telling you that you weren't in any trouble and he was just curious about your stall. you calmed yourself a bit before telling him about how you enjoyed making toys for children and it was a hobby that became a source of income.

he listened to you with absolute admiration. he thought it was absolutely adorable that you had such a passion for what you did and it was this that made you consume his thoughts even more. he eventually (and reluctantly) left, mainly because you had more customers and he wished you well.

eventually gepard had made a visit to your stall apart of his daily rounds - if he wasn't on the front line - and it would take you a while not to panic when he walked over. your customers would also have to get used to the captain's presence but the children never seemed to mind, if anything they proudly showed off your work to him.

one day you had an idea. gepard had become a constant in your daily life that you'd never expect but greatly appreciated and so you wanted to gift him something special, something made by you. you greeted him cheerily when he visited you the following day and immediately told him to close his eyes for a moment, he was going to question you but simply went along with whatever you had planned.

when you told him to open his eyes he was greeted by you happily presenting a handmade plush of yours. he immediately recognised it's likeness and his face exploded into red. he reached one hand out to grab it as the other covered his face and coughing out a very flustered thank you. you nagged him about how he wouldn't be able to appreciate it with his head turned away and eventually he let up.

he had to admit it was beautifully sewn and had a noticeable increase in quality compared to your regular works and that made his heart swoon. what he failed to realise at first was that the plush seemed to be holding something. he saw your smile widen as he picked it out the plushs arms and unfolded it. if his face was red before, it was even worse after reading the contents of the note.

you looked at him for a moment before prompting him for an answer. written on your note was a confession. you had to admit the captain of the silvermane guards was rather handsome and his charming but shy nature made him utterly unresistable, so you had developed a small crush. one that seemed to be reciprocated as your answer was a shy and honest yes.

your plush was a constant reminder to him about your confession, mainly because he was glad you made the leap before he did - he was so nervous that he fearred he wouldn't of done it. he kept it in tip top condition and if anything happened to it he brought it straight to you to fix. and with your new found relationship with gepard, your customers would note how he appeared at your stall more often and even helped you sell the toys sometimes.

he adored each and everyone of your works that you crafted or sewed - always complimenting your work. but truly nothing paled in comparison to the plush that he always had near him.

[spacelazarwolf]

tldr scroll down to see my new plants.

this is a departure from my usual posts, it's a bit more like hybrid blog/diary entry, idk, but here u go.

for those of y'all who don't know, one of my hobbies is plants. i like to collect them propagate them, trade them, etc. and my favorite type of plant is aroids, particularly philodendrons. it was a very difficult hobby to maintain after the plant boom during lockdown caused plant prices to skyrocket, so for the past year or two i haven't relaly been buying that many new plants, and when i have it's just been from garden centers or local nurseries.

yesterday, however, i went to an aroid show where there was a vendor from south america who had brought a bunch of specimens people could purchase. they're a family owned business that focuses on protection and preservation of biodiversity and native plant species, and all their plants are ethically sourced, usually grown in their own greenhouses from propagations instead of taking them from their natural habitat and selling them. so obviously i had to check them out.

but this is where i sort of pause while writing this post, because i get really nervous talking about spending money, especially on here. i've frequently asked for help when i needed assistance getting my account out of the red or paying late rent, so part of me feels like it would be insulting to post about things i spend money on that aren't the essentials. but my plants make me happy. they give me something to take care of. they brighten up my apartment. they give me something to be excited about. so i'm just gonna tell you about my new plants.

about a month ago when i left my old church job, they gave me a gift card that the choir had pitched in for. i couldn't get cash out, use it for rent, or transfer it to my bank account, so i decided it would be my hobby fund. when i found out about the aroid show, i set aside a portion of that fund for plants because i knew that the specimens at the show would be significantly less expensive than anything i could find online or in local shops, and it might be one of the only chances i would ever have to actually buy some of my wishlist plants.

this is a philodendron esmeraldense. this is what they look like when the leaves get bigger and more mature. this is one i hadn't seen before so it wasn't on my wishlist, but when i was checking the vendors' stock last week i loved how it looked. i'm gonna put it on a moss pole and let it climb. the leaves probably won't ever get as big as the one in the linked photo, but i'm still excited to watch it grow.

this is a terrible picture but this is a philodendron patriciae. they get super long. this one’s putting out like two new leaves. it’s also a climber. the ripples in the leaves get more intense as it matures, so paired with the very long leaves it looks so cool. i can't wait to grow this one bigger.

philodendron pastazanum. it’s a crawler so i’ll be getting a window box to put it in so it has space to grow across the substrate. this has been on my list for a while but i couldn’t find it anywhere. the big heart leaves are just gorgeous.

this is a philodendron melanochrysum. the leaves can get huge. technically i already have a smaller one, but this one was just so gorgeous. i will probably end up planting them together on one moss pole. it’s one of my favorite plants, i am a sucker for velvety leaves. you can see one of the older leaves is getting ready to drop, and i think i'm going to try to make a project out of it.

philodendron tortum. it feels like the kind of plant that would have been growing while the dinos were around. it's very reminiscent of a fern, but it is also a climber. i had one like two years ago but i had to sell it to pay some bills, so i'm happy to have it back in my collection.

the one in the center. anthurium veitchii, or king anthurium. this one was kind of an impulse buy. i don’t usually do anthurium but it was cheap and looked incredibly cool. they look even cooler when they get mature.

what is a king without his queen. anthurium warocqueanum, or queen anthurium. i wasn't sure if i wanted to tackle this one bc it's notoriously hard to take care of, but it was very cheap so i took the plunge. these also get super long, and the velvety shiny leaves are so pretty.

monstera obliqua peru. this was a unicorn plant. it is difficult to find in the wild, grows slowly, and is hard to propagate, so it was mostly just passed from collector to collector until the plant boom during covid. nodes of this plant, literally just bits of stem you would cross your fingers and hope would root and grow leaves, were going for a thousand dollars and a single leaf up to three thousand dollars a year or two ago. and now i have a very full plant for only forty bucks. 2020 me is screaming. this specimen looks a little squished from the trek from south america to the midwest, but when it acclimates to its new environment, it's going to look so cool. this is another plant that has dino vibes.

and finally the grand finale. philodendron spiritus sancti. i honestly can't believe i'm typing this. this plant is considered to be one of the rarest philodendrons in the world - if not the rarest. it only grows in one place, and there are reportedly only 10 known plants left in the wild because of a combination of poaching and the excessive clearing of their habitat. it was another one that pretty much only existed in high level (wealthy) collections for a very long time. now, more specimens of this plant exist in private collections than in the wild, which makes ownership of this plant very emotional for me. this is a plant that was going for upwards of $14k for large specimens at the height of the plant boom. people were scrambling to get their hands on that one plant that no one could get, the highest prize, a bragging point. no one cared if they were getting it ethically. someone even stole a cutting from a botanical garden just to sell it.

this plant was not on my wishlist because i never thought i would even get to see in person, let alone hold, let alone own. and yet yesterday i picked it up, held it in my hands, saw the two digit price tag, and decided yeah. i think it's only fair that the money a bunch of presbyterians gave me should go to adding a plant called a "spiritus sancti" to my jewish plant collection.

it still doesn't feel real. i can just look over at my plant cabinet, and there it is. a spiritus sancti. bc for me it was never about having a big name plant in my collection. it was never about bragging or showing off or just checking names off a list of things i was supposed to want if i was into houseplants. this plant still exists because botanists and aroid enthusiasts have worked tirelessly to conserve it. and having this little piece of history and the world in my little plant cabinet feels more like a responsibility to me than a prize.

so yeah. those are my new plants. i'm excited to see them grow and still a little starstruck that i was even able to bring home the last two.

[ilovedthestars]

I have a 100 year old book!

This is part "look at this cool thing i got!!" and part "If you know anything about old books, please help me out, I do not know how to take care of this properly and i am scared of damaging it"

The other day I went with my mom to an antiques shop where she had an appointment to sell some old clothes we'd gotten from my grandma. While she was talking to the shop owner, I wandered around the shop and found a shelf of old books.

One of them caught my eye. It looked very old, in a charming way, like a book I usually wouldn't be allowed to touch but had always wanted to. It was sandwiched between some much more modern books with glossy covers. I pulled it off the shelf and opened it very gently, because the spine looked a little damaged.

It was an English translation of two French plays, "Pelleas and Melisanda" and "The Sightless," by Maurice Maeterlinck. I flipped to the front and read the first page, which was a translator's note:

Transcription:

To the reader. The following translations were undertaken for a twofold reason, and that a selfish one: because it is joy to live awhile very close to the thought of another, when that other is a light-giver: because it is joy to place within the reach of certain of one's fellows what one believes to be admirable and good. Yet, in offering to those who have not read the original, an English version of two of Maurice Maeterlinck's plays, I feel as one that, having marvelled at a rose in the garden, should poorly fashion its image in paper to give to his friend. —I should have preferred to place the volume in your hands without so much as a word of apology for its many obvious and more or less inevitable shortcomings; but the laws of the "Scott Library" forbid the silence I desire, and oblige me to add a few prefactory words.

This is just....so earnest, and so beautifully worded. It touched me immediately that the translator (whose name was Laurence Alma Tadema) described taking such joy in their work of translating the words of someone they admired, and feeling as if they could never fully capture the original brilliance.

I flipped back to the beginning of the book, to try to glean some hint of how old it was. I wasn't sure if it would have a page at the beginning with Library of Congress and copyright info, like modern books do, and it didn't surprise me when it didn't. But what I did find, on the inside cover, was this:

A signature from someone whose first initial was M, although the rest is hard to read—the best guess that discord friends and i have been able to come up with is the last name Lainy, but please help me out if you have any clue what the middle initial could be—which is dated 1911.

I'm writing this post in 2023, so when i saw that signature I realized that this book was at least 112 years old, and definitely the oldest book I'd ever held in my hands.

I don't go to a lot of antiques stores. I'm sure that finding something this old is a lot more commonplace than it feels like to me. But I had a moment of complete awe and reverence in the back of this antique store, okay. The feeling of connection with the translator who had described their work as a paper imitation of a rose was suddenly a connection I'd had with a person who lived over a century ago, and another connection with someone who had owned this exact book and signed their name inside in 1911. It blew me away a little.

I flipped carefully through the pages, read a few lines of the plays (which seemed lovely, at a glance), and then put the book back on the shelf. Because what was i going to do with a 112 year old book of translated French plays?

I wandered around the store a little more and then came back to the bookshelf. Picked the book up again. Flipped through it. Stared at the signature on the first page. Put it back again.

Repeated that at least two more times, attempting to convince myself that i did not need this book, and it was very old and fragile and it's not like i could just stick it on my bookshelf between a couple of YA novels, and it was just a couple of dusty plays that i probably wouldn't ever read, and we were technically there before the shop was open for our selling appointment and I didn't know if the shop lady would even sell it to me, and I did not need to own a 112 year old book.

And then my mom was finished with the shop owner, and asked me if I wanted to buy the book I'd been holding and staring at for the last several minutes, and I said "I'd like to, if I can" because despite my attempts to convince myself otherwise I was going to be heartbroken if I did not walk out of there with that book.

The antiques shop lady did indeed sell it to me, for eight dollars.

So now I have a very old book.

I asked the shop owner what I should do to avoid damaging it, and she told me to keep it out of the sun and never store it in plastic. I am under no impression that this book holds significant monetary or cultural value, but it's still a piece of history and I would like to keep it safe. I'd also like to read more of it, if I can, although I have yet to do more than open it partway and flip through a few pages, because I'm worried about the spine. People on tumblr who know about old books, please share any other knowledge or advice you might have!

I'm still not sure exactly why I bought this, but it brings me a lot of joy to hold in my hands, and I think that was a good enough reason.

[1rsoldiersince2012]

Bound by Law (Matt Murdock x Reader)

Words: 3176 (chapter 49)

a quick update to break yet another writer's block * sighs *

49. Another night in Hell's Kitchen

"Who's this fancy looking fella?" Foggy asks, taking in Matt's appearance when you two come to the office minutes before the work day begins.

"You like it?" Matt slowly spins around, showing off his new navy blue suit, paired with a dark red tie with small black dots.

"Did you sell your kidney or something to buy this? Jesus, you're making me look like a subway worker." Foggy laughs, coming to touch Matt's suit to feel the material.

"Nah, got a good deal." Matt smiles, adding, "all the glory should go to y/n, she managed to bargain a smaller price."

Your cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and you quickly turn around from Foggy and Karen to hang your coat. "The owner is a friend of my mom and well, your blindness really soothed his character."

"Wait, wait. I think I'm missing something." Foggy stands, one hand on his hips, and intently looks at the two of you. "I think I need an explanation."

"Y/n invited me for Thanksgiving dinner and we raided the shops later." Matt shrugs as if it wasn't a big deal to hang out with an employee... On a holiday. At her parent's house.

"I just couldn't let him be sullen the whole weekend while we're all away." Making way towards the kitchen for coffee, you also escape curious glances, and soon, clients start coming, pilling up in the lobby with Karen. You don't get a chance to talk with Matt until noon, as he spends most of the time with Foggy, talking to clients and running around the lobby to print documents. You, however, continue to work alone in the office until the lunch break, and just when you thought you were all going to grab a bite, and you could have a chance to smoke a cigarette or two, three loud bangs on your office door, ruin all of your plans.

*** 

"I'm sorry... But your son has been involved in..." you raise your eyebrows at the short-haired black woman and her 16-year-old son, "an armed robbery?" 

"Yes, I've already mentioned it four times."

"Sorry, I'm a bit... Not well today. So, Paxton, could you please tell me what exactly happened? If you want to stay out of jail, I need to hear every single detail." 

Paxton's mother crosses her arms, clearly unhappy with the treatment she was receiving, while Paxton was sitting on one of the armchairs, not particularly bothered by the whole situation. "Nothing. My mother is exaggerating." He shrugs, looking out through the window.

"I'm sorry, he's joking, right sweetheart?" His mother tries to gently touch his arm, but Paxton slides away as far as he can. "He told me everything last night. That's why I came here without an appointment. I noticed how many people are here, I am so glad you could take us in during your break."

"Mrs Harris..." You begin, tapping your pen on your notebook, "enough with the pleasantries. I need the details so I could tell you if I'm able to help you and Paxton. Now, please, talk."

"Remember that article a couple of weeks ago about how five men robbed a jewelry store?" She asks, casting her eyes to the ground; you give her a negative answer and wait for a more detailed explanation. "Well, Paxton was involved in it."

"What did you steal?"

"Rings, necklaces, earrings. I found a box of them in his room." She answers for Paxton.

You look at the boy, noticing a small smirk he just bit away. "What were you planning to do with them, Paxton?"

"Sell. It's all gold." He rolls his eyes.

"Why?"

"I need money." Paxton says in a hurtful tone, sending a glare towards you.

"What for?" Your question hangs in the air heavily. "Why is a teenage boy so in need of money that he must go rob a jewelry store? Tell me, do you work somewhere?"

"No, the money that I bring home is enough." Mrs Harris answers for her son once more, and you look at him in thought.

"Is it drugs, Paxton? You need more money for a dose, don't you?" He stares back at you, visibly irritated. "Is it cocaine? Or marijuana? Do you smoke with your criminal friends after school? Where'd you get the guns from?"

"Excuse me, but these are false accusations, Miss y/l/n, I-"

You hold your hand up, and continue to look right at the boy. "It is drugs. Bloodshot eyes, runny nose. You keep buying those eye drops in hopes of concealing it, but they don't work, do they?"

"Miss-"

"How do you know?" He finally asks after failing the staring contest.

"I had my fair share of experience with drug addicts. Now, if we cleared this one up, where'd you get the guns and who were your accomplices?"

"I can't tell you. I made a promise." He protests in vain.

"Addict's promise is nothing more than an empty talk. Did they threaten you?" You're met with silence and uneasiness from Mrs Harris. "Paxton, we're bound by an attorney-client privilege. Whatever you say, stays in this room. I can only advise what's best for you in court."

"No."

"I think you're lying to me."

"Yes, okay? I had to keep my mouth shut so they would give me my share." You rub your forehead in thought, when Paxton speaks up again, "we found some guns in an abandoned place, it was like a warehouse or something. We only came there to threaten the owner, but then Joey fired a shot and... We didn't want to hurt anyone."

"Did you hurt someone?"

"No, the bullet went through the display glass, but we got scared and ran away." Paxton was still restricted, but after you assured that it stays between you three, he opened up. 

"Did anyone see you?"

"No, we wore masks."

"Can you tell other names? Besides Joey?"

He hesitates, cracking his fingers, afraid to meet his mother's eyes. 

***  

"He's agreed to help us, in exchange for a full immunity." 

"Did he give any names?" Mahoney asks, flipping over the papers.

"All of them." You answer, looking over at Mrs Harris and her son, still in your office. Matt and the rest of the office returned from their lunch break, and Matt was awkwardly hanging around Karen's desk, listening to you and Mahoney talking on the phone from time to time. Karen was pushing him to get a grip and finally start taking money from the clients, rather than doing everything for free; yet he kept pushing back with the same old arguments. 

"Well, I need you to come to the station, so we could take the statement, only then I can guarantee a full immunity."

"Alright, we'll see you soon, Sergeant."

*** 

You enter Josie's before seven, pushing through the thick crowd to the pool tables, old rock music is blaring through the speakers on full volume. Some guy almost spills his drink and starts apologizing profusely, so you quicken your step until you finally see familiar faces of Nelson and Murdock. "Apologies for the delay, Mahoney held us up." You sigh, stopping in front of the pool table to watch how Foggy misses a perfect shot.

"He likes to do that a lot." Foggy comments, trying to cover up his incredible failure.

"What happened? You were gone the whole afternoon." Matt fixes his glasses, directing his movements elsewhere, although he wanted to at least put a comforting hand on your shoulder... But not in public. 

"Uh... Whiskey neat?" You ask him, snatching his drink without waiting for an answer, and when the alcohol burns your throat, finally reply, "so basically, the warehouse where the kids found guns belong to the irish, yes, yet another gang in Hell's Kitchen. And the police are on the lookout for them, but it seems that they went into hiding." You put an empty glass on the table next to you, and touch Matt's shoulder, "Next one's on me."

"Wait, so what happened to the kids?" Karen asks, sipping her own drink, which you notice to be the same brand of  beer that Matt keeps buying for himself.

"We all talked, but of course, their parents weren't happy with the charges, so none of them confessed, but Paxton's on tape, and he still has the full immunity on the table." 

"And the store owner?"

"He didn't recognize any of them, but he did recognize the stolen jewelry that Paxton brought with him. At least they were smart enough to wear masks, but if Mahoney pulls out a search warrant, it's over for them." You sigh, plopping on the chair nearby. "I'm dog tired and I can't believe I've walked all the way from the station here."

"Hey, it's time to relax now, we've got all gang here!" Foggy puts his hands on your shoulders and shakes, a bit too strong for your liking.

"Nelson and Murdock are finally back!" Karen lifts her bottle and cheers when Matt's shot goes right into the hole. 

"That's a pretty damn good shot there, Murdock." You comment, and Matt's cheeks slightly blush. You quickly check him out, relaxed and laid back, his jacket ditched somewhere on the chair, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and his strong arms exposed. If you could, you'd take him right here in the filthy bathroom of Josie's bar; but you can only bite your lip and wait for Josie to bring you a drink.

Matt laughs, "I only got lucky this time."

"He's been riding on that luck the whole evening, don't trust his words." Foggy comments and goes around the table to find the best position for himself again.

***  The evening goes by quickly, you've already lost the count on how many drinks you have consumed in those couple of hours, the bar is nowhere near empty, on the contrary, it only became fuller. Foggy has won two out of six rounds against Matt and has been glued to his beer ever since, apart from an occasional bathroom break, and now it was Karen v Matt in the 'grand pool battle', as Foggy called it. 

Your phone vibrates and you pull it out of your purse, confused. 1 new message. You can't help but look around the bar, before opening the message from an unknown number. Maybe Todd has come back to haunt you again?

U/N: hey, just wanted to check in, how are you?

You: sorry, who's this?

You see three dots appear and disappear multiple times, and at last, the person texts back, you quickly sober up.

U/N: It's Poindexter.

U/N: don't mean to appear like a stalker, but got your number from the case documents.

You: Oh

Dex clenches his jaw tightly, and Ray turns to look at him, clutching his phone. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Dex answers, briefly looking around where they have parked their car. Dex and Ray were on a lookout mission tonight, and after a long afternoon of contemplating, he finally gathered enough courage to text you. And your response wasn't as warm as he expected it to be.

After two long minutes, which felt like an hour to Dex, you finally started typing something. Ray side-eyed his partner with rising interest, pretty much because he has never seen him staring at his phone like that. Dex's small smirk to your message added more suspicion to the already boiling pot.

You: does this count as a part of your job, agent? 

Dex: not when I'm off duty.

You: are you off duty now?

Dex: well, I guess you caught me this time.

Matt listens to the sudden liveliness of your phone, slightly confused, but then Karen appears next to him and offers to teach how to play pool 'correctly', despite the obvious fact that he's been playing with Foggy the whole evening. You watch them from behind a half empty glass of whiskey, catching the way drunken Karen allowed herself to boldly touch Matt. You shouldn't be mad or jealous... Theoretically... Because you two weren't public or official. But theory aside, you were biting your cheek to refrain from a sarcastic remark. Matt couldn't help himself but smile awkwardly when he felt Karen's fingers sliding along his arm; her closeness was too much for his liking, especially in front of you; but your attention was somewhere else already.

You: didn't think feds worked overtime.  You replied cheekily, but then added, I'm ok. Thanks for asking, Dex.

Dex's response was quick, you don't know a lot about us then. I guess everything that happened was very hard for you. 

You get a fresh glass of whiskey, thinking over his message. It was strange, that when your life has finally settled, weeks after Teneke's murder, Dex decided to text you. Although there was some truth in his words, it was hard, the nightmares weren't the fun part of the whole thing too... But it was all in the past now; with Matt by your side, you allowed yourself to relax and not think of all the bad things that happened in your life since your return to Hell's Kitchen.

You: it was, yeah. If we're already on this subject, how are you?

Dex: I'm good, thanks.

And he was, especially when you texted back. His smile, even though a brief one, didn't go unnoticed by Ray. Dex wanted to text something else, keep the conversation going, but his mind was blank, especially when it came to making small talk; although he was now guarded by his phone and safe from any first-hand awkwardness, Dex still didn't know how to deal with the sudden stress. But his self-pitying session got interrupted by your message, so, what are you up to right now? So, you did care after all. Enough to not let this conversation die.

Dex: on a lookout for a bad guy, pretty boring. And you? Hopefully something more exciting.

You: in a bar, drinking my salary away with the bosses. How bad that bad guy is?

Dex: pretty bad in my opinion. Don't drink too much, you won't feel well tomorrow  :)

You lock your phone and notice that Foggy and Karen were already dressed up.

"Look who's off her phone already, you missed all the fun." Foggy says, buttoning his coat up. 

"You're leaving already?" 

"Yeah, Karen's afraid to go home alone and I-"

"I am not!" Karen giggles, steadying herself against the pool table. Matt laughs, leaning on the pool cue and sips his beer. 

"Huh, maybe I should head home as well... Just want a cigarette so bad, haven't had one the whole day." You sigh, and say your goodbyes to Foggy and Karen. The bar is still full, Josie's been running non-stop, and you think to yourself if it's always like this on a Monday night.

"That leaves just two us now, huh?" Matt says, striking the white ball into the red one. 

"Isn't this just so romantic?" You laugh, walking closer to Matt, and whispering in his ear, "those shouting ones really know how to create an atmosphere...Full of sweaty bodies and that stink of cheap beer." 

"I'd say this is perfect." He laughs, handing you the pool cue. 

"No, I don't play." 

"Come on, let me teach you." 

"Really? And how will you do that?" 

"With your help, of course." Matt laughs into your ear, and puts his hands around your shoulders, positioning the cue in your hands. "Now, turn where the white one is." You do that, noticing that there's a green ball right behind the white one. "And now, you strike that ball into another one, like that." He pushes the cue with quick, powerful movement, still holding your hand. 

"It went in!" 

"See, it's easy." He smiles, forgetting that he was gonna ask you who was texting you this late in the evening. You celebrate for a moment, but then grab Matt's hand, asking to go home. And who was Matt to refuse your ideas, when he knew how tired you were?

As you were waiting for a taxi outside, Matt was standing so close to you that you smelled his perfume mixed with all the smells of the bar even through your burning cigarette. 

"Listen, I wanna ask you something, y/n." He begins, shuffling his feet on the sidewalk. "Do you... Would you like to go on a date tomorrow evening?" 

"A date?" You ask again, averting your attention from the passing cars. "Matt, we've been together for like a month."

"I know, and I haven't asked you on a date once, that's on me." His warm hands found yours and squeezed affectionately, "let's go to some nice place, maybe not too expensive," you laugh and it's like music to his ears, "I would choose it myself, but unfortunately," Matt gestures to his glasses, "I'll put on my best suit, and you could put on that silk dress I helped you choose... What do you say?" 

You wanted to kiss him right now and never let him out of your arms, "I have one place in mind... I just hope that it will be as romantic as Josie's." 

He laughs, throwing his head back, "so, that's a yes?"

"Affirmate, Mr Murdock." You kiss him on the cheek, leaving the biggest smile on his face. 

*** 

"Hey, I told you I'm sorry, I tried to reason with my mother to not go to that lawyer!" Paxton's voice rings in the dark alley, four dark figures hovering above him menacingly.

"So you had to tell our names to save your own ass, didn't you?" Joey asks, kicking Paxton's thigh with enough force to earn a loud cry. 

"I was busted either way. She cracked me about the drugs, I can't be in jail for having drugs in my house, please!"

"You're just a pussy, Paxton. I always knew you were the weakest link." Toby says, pulling the hood off his head. "We could've sold that gold for good money and taken more guns from the warehouse, but it's all busted now. And whose fault is that?"

"Guys, please," Paxton shields his head from another kick, "I beg you, stop, I'll take everything back, I promise-"

"I don't take promises from a snitch. We should just kill you right now." Joey says, picking up a brick from the ground, and gets hit by one of Daredevil's billy clubs, which bounces off to knock out Toby. The rest of the gang look around in panic, until they notice a dark figure on one of the rooftops, and another billy club flies through the air and knocks them out as well. 

"Please, please, don't kill me, Daredevil!" Paxton lies back down, keeping his hands in the air. 

The devil of Hell's Kitchen lands on the ground switfly with little effort and picks up his billy clubs, agonizingly slowly stalking towards Paxton. "Call the police, call your lawyer first thing in the morning, leave no details, you understand? Drop the shady business or I won't be so nice the next time we meet." Matt rasps out, in case Paxton has heard him speaking in the office.

"Okay, okay, I'll do it, please don't hurt me anyone." Paxton cries out, holding his bruised side. 

"Make the call right now, Paxton, I won't ask again."

The boy pulls out his phone, screen almost shattered from the kicks and dials the emergency number, fearfully looking at his knocked out friends and Daredevil himself, standing and looking right at him.

Another typical night in Hell's Kitchen.

[clatterbane]

One good thing that came out of today's early morning trip out for more bullshit bloodwork: I found some promising-looking vegetables, which are pretty exotic by local standards but remind me of home! One of the benefits of living in an immigrant-heavy neighborhood. (Doesn't really matter where from IME, just as long as it's got longer warmer growing seasons there.) Hasty lap shot of today's haul when I was about to head home.

Much better view after getting home! Some nice young examples of one common Middle Eastern variety of summer squash, along with some okra. Which was borderline overgrown by my standards, but it didn't feel like it was going all tough and dried out yet--and it's the nicest fresh okra my admittedly near-hermit ass has spotted in years.

On the way home this morning, I got Mr. C to drop me at the nearby shopping center, so I could pick up an Instabox package (shoes) and enjoy the weather and a little exercise while "strolling" the rest of the way.

It was still early enough that at least half the businesses weren't even open yet, but that also meant that things were enough less busy that I felt like I could get in more easily for a better look at a couple of stores I'd wanted to check out more. One of them a halal butcher shop with attached fruit and vegetable shop just across from there, obviously run by the same people. Both are usually mobbed enough that I haven't felt like shoving myself in--especially with the chair.

The butcher side was still not looking so accessible, even with only a couple of other customers in there, plus a few workers finishing getting things set up for the day. I also figured that I didn't really need to go on an early-morning meat buying spree in hot weather--much less when my backpack was already completely full of shoebox, and carrying capacity was already pretty limited. So, no meat for me.

The other side did, however, lure me over with some gorgeous plums. Which sadly turned out to still be so hard that I noped away from those. Yes, I am that produce prodder, and I can be particular. Was hoping they would have some nice leafy greens out front today, but no such luck.

But, then I did spot the okra and then the squash.

I didn't grab much today, since I am the only one in the house who really likes either thing. Plus the okra was running the equivalent of US$7.69/kg, or roughly $3.50/lb. 😓 Squash was $2.90/ or $1.30/lb by comparison. I got away at about $2.50 for both of them together, which really wasn't at all bad by local standards. I am also cheap as hell sometimes and also still mentally comparing with prices on locally grown squash and okra in a much more rural area 15-20 years ago when I was last buying anything back home.

I am also now lowkey pining for some Floyd County peaches, and J. Random Farmer's cantaloupes that he's selling off his truck by the road. Then there's the fresh just-picked regional variety corn. 🙄

If that okra is any good and I see more there in nearly as good a shape, I may have to pick up enough more to try pickling a few jars of it. That's one thing that I do miss sometimes, and I don't really want to try with the frozen stuff--which is usually better for cooking than what I see fresh anymore.

The produce side also carries a bunch of dried fruits and nuts, and some other loose bulk goods including some interesting-looking Afghan brown sugar in like fist-sized chunks which I'd never seen before, but made me think of panela or jaggery. May need to try me some of that.

Also looks like the place to go if you want a sack of pumpkin seeds or similar at reasonable prices! Today I did not, and also did not particularly want to carry that home in my lap because that would have been the only place for it.

Their produce is all out front, but I did go ahead and bull my way back through the rest of the store to get a good look at the dry goods. Needed to shove a couple of obstructions out of the way in the narrow aisles, but I was the only customer in there at that point and idgaf. It was well worth a look around. May need to go back another morning after a few things that looked good.

There is also a spice shop a couple of doors down, which always smells heavenly to go past but is usually so packed that even Mr. C hesitates to peruse it on foot. There were few enough people in there too that I had to roll through and case the joint. Did look and smell like some quality stuff at decent prices. Also some pretty good looking bulk bin dried fruits and nuts and other snack items, and some assorted Middle Eastern sweets. I didn't buy anything there either today, but will probably need to make a morning raid on that too before too long.

But yeah, the day was not all bad. I also got to see a delightful young Boxer out for a walk on the way home.

[allsadnshit]

For the first time I had a dream about opening up a coffee spot. Usually when I dream about work it's an anxiety dream about coming in late or nothing working right at the shop, but last night I slept really deep and hard and even woke up later than I have in a while despite going to sleep on time! And in my dream I found out a coffee place was essentially selling its space and equipment and I decided fuck it im gonna redo this place as my own and when I got there a lot of my old coffee co workers and boss were in there either as customers or trying to run it and I got into a conflict with one of the worst bosses I had where I was insisting the espresso machine was a bad model and pulling really shit shots and he was screaming at me to just use it and that it was fine when it wasn't and I was pushing him off bar to make drinks

It was really still an anxiety dream but I've never dreamt and had myself sticking up for myself like that usually it sort of all just goes with the flow of what the other characters are doing and saying and this was the first time I can remember actually fighting with people and insisting I knew what I was doing and that they needed to take a step back because I was in charge

I've worked in coffee like 12 years at this point but stopped ever thinking I could own my own shop a long time ago because there's so much about coffee culture that bothers me and I hate it as a workplace in a lot of ways because it's so hard on me as a chronically ill not able bodied person but I've had this feeling whispering in my heart that the only thing really stopping me from doing my own this is my belief everyone else has their shit together more than me and that I can't reinvent what a shop would look and work like

I woke up feeling so strange now like even though the dream came from my sub conscious I still feel surprised I dreamt something I was thinking of so quietly in the back of my mind unready to even really voice it to anyone around me

I feel the imposter syndrome is finally starting to shed after a really hard last 5 years. Like I am ready to admit I know what I'm doing and I'm better at it even than most people in this industry.....

[netherworldpost]

This is not a request for aid, this is a screenshot of a blog draft in progress.

I'm drafting a blog post about physical newsletters to augment social media for creators and small shops. NOT as in "social media sucks, we're dying, the new ways are trash"

PURELY in "social media is rapidly changing, we need to look at the old ways and see what would be useful."

Anyway. Moving away from sense-making and returning to the point of this post. Which is an emotional ramble.

I can remember the exact moment I wanted to make things and sell them. Or at least an extremely early moment, maybe not the actual first, but one of the first.

I'm dating myself here, but America Online wouldn't take the country by storm for years. I'm a kid -- 8? 10? 12, maybe? at the time.

I'm at a Renaissance Fair, it's blazing hot, I've just watched the bards put on a play, they are playing a small hand drum while a hat is passed around and the adults around me are dropping in a few coins, some a few bills. We are in the shade, this park has been chosen because it has a huge variety of trees, and the stage has been set up in a choice spot.

Towards the front of the "castle" gates, to the left. I remember it so clearly, you walk up to the gates, you buy a ticket, you turn right and there are mead, soda pop, turkey leg, fairy floss (cotton candy) stalls. In front of you are pewter jewelry carts.

To the left is the troubadour stage.

This isn't the first year I've been to the fair, or it is, but it's not my first day. I remember saving a few dollars specifically to drop in the hat, it wasn't the first time I'd seen the show, but it was the first time I'd have cash to tip them.

I'm sitting there on a stool made from a cut log. Watching these adults cavort on stage, tell bawdy jokes I barely understand, wearing OUTRAGEOUS costumes.

I didn't know life could be this fun. This is an entirely new experience for me, at the time, and it completely changed my life. It was one of the early nudges that lead me to where I am today.

I'm getting. Ridiculously emotional. And I've got way too much work to do tonight to get this distracted.

I have been making things and putting them online for many, many years. The enchantment never fades. It never ebbs. It never decreases.

The blog post in question will go up in April 2023. I'm losing track of the point of this post, if I go back and review it, I'll be Remembering Things all night and not Editing Blog Posts, please forgive me for repeating myself and getting lost.

You'll have to do your own research, make your own decisions, but maybe I can help get you started.

I have a thick career in advertising and marketing for small business. One of the ways I want to give back is to pepper the world with "this is how all of this works. If you want to pursue it as a primary job, as a second job, as an experiment, and/or as a hobby, here are some top level notes to start your idea."

You'll have to do your own research, make your own decisions based on your own goals + resources, but maybe I can help get you started with some general ramblings.

When I first started, a million years ago, I felt like I was pulling off a caper. The world's greatest crime. I feel like I am operating underground and The Boring Life Police are searching for me but I'm too fast, too slick, to get caught.

In the years all of this was a hobby, I felt that way.

In the years all of this has been a job, it has felt that way.

Okay. Enough words. Time for coffee and editing.

[happymeishappylife]

TV Shows I Watched in 2023

1. Atelier

To prove how long and old my watchlist is, this was one of the first jdramas I ever found on Netflix and I finally got around to watching it. But I loved this show. Yes it had its slightly annoying characters and scenes but ultimately the message of the show is that you need to learn to grow and to do that you need to be passionate about what you do. But you also need to take yourself seriously in that journey. So when fresh out of college Mayuko Tokito joins a small company of luxury lingerie, she has a lot of growing to do. But I loved the whole cast and they all go through their own journeys. Plus one of the underlying messages about the lingerie shop was that this wasn't just to sell underwear, it was to make women feel great and special in their own life.

2. Heartstopper (Season 2)

Another great season of this show and I find this such a good adaptation from Alice's comics. Plus the things she has changed from comics to the screen still fit in perfectly to the overall theme and I love the extra side stories we get to explore outside of Nick and Charlie this season. I think Tao and Elle's relationship continues to evolve and grow closer, plus their date at the museum was super cute. Tara's hearbreaking scene with her mom and how that plays out with Darcy is so important to show and handled so well. Plus thank you Alice for creating more awesome and heartwarming Ace representation! I loved Isaac's exploration and discovery of asexuality and love that more and more young people are able to see themselves and identify so much earlier than I did.

3. Old Enough! (Season 2)

I wasn't expecting to get more seasons of this, but I absolutely adore this show. Sure its still the same premise of watching Japanese toddlers run their first errand, but a cool thing they did with these new episodes is they showed videos from 20 years ago (because the show has been running that long in Japan) and then they would flash forward to today to see where that kid was now and see how they react to sending their own kids out to run their errand. It's so cute and heartwarming.

4. Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj (Seasons 1-6)

Hasan Minhaj is smart, charismatic, and hilarious. And I've always appreciated him as a comedian and correspondent on The Daily Show, but he really shined in his own series. What was cool to me too, was while I wasn't watching these at the time they came out, most of the stories and subjects he talked about are still highly relevant and still as impactful as I'm sure they were when they released. And a lot of that has to do with how well presented they were, including the jokes that he had with his audience. Would love to seem him do another show like this, but until then, I'm excited to see his new standup show live.

5. The Dragon Prince (Seasons 1-5)

I knew I was going to love this show when I finally got around to it since it was co-created but Aaron Ehasz, but I didn't know how much until I really dived into this show. I love the story and am actually impressed how much they have been able to tell in just 45 episodes with such a rich premise and cast of characters. The diversity is also fantastic. I absolutely love General Amaya and love that while she is deaf, she is a badass but someone who also adores Queen Jinai. I think the growth with the 3-year story gap was also great because we really got to see the kid trio grow into their roles, especially Ezren who I adore. And honestly after season 1, I thought I would hate Soren forever, but I love this man because is a good hearted weirdo and he's had a lot growth from his family's trauma which is great to see.

6. Jane the Virgin (Seasons 1-3)

I added this show to my watchlist a long time ago and by the time I got to it, I wasn't sure I was going to enjoy it, but its just fun telenovella goodness. I think the over drama of every situation is hilarious, but it also has its tender moments. I think the cast is great and I love how each character goes through these periods of likability to hateable to redeemable and its what is keeping the show pretty fresh now that Mateo has born. My only gripe, I never was a fan of Michael and was sad to see them get married, but definitely didn't expect him to go out like that (if he really is dead, because who knows with a Telenovella). But I've been on team Rafael since the beginning because I honestly think, even when he's made mistakes, it's because the man is trying his best in the shittiest of situations he finds himself in. But honestly, Jane doesn't deserve him now.

7. Doctor Who Christmas Special (2023)

This was a fun return to Christmas specials and I really enjoyed seeing Ncuti in command finally. He's a joy to watch especially because he is already showing the perfect switches of being happily enthusiastic with the love of learning a new alien language, the in command way he handles the police officer and the goblins, but also the same woeful timelord who is still carrying on despite learning his past. I also love Ruby and I'm curious how RTD is going to do a mysterious girl story, though I am a little wary still since I haven't been his biggest fans. But overall its a very solid story.

8. Good Omens (Season 2)

I was curious to see where this show was going to go since their isn't a second book (or a third for that matter!), but I trust Neil at the helm. And the premise was enjoyable and entertaining with great appearances by our favorite characters as they tried to deal with this new issue of Gabriel appearing in Aziriphale's bookshop with no memories. The only thing I didn't like, was even in six short episodes, I felt like it took a while to really get down to the heart of the story and while it was fun to see how hell was responding to the issue, the rest of it dragged a little to me. Still I love the past scenes with Crowley and Aziriphale and understand why the ending happened. Now that its been renewed for a third and final season, it will be interesting to see where it goes.

9. Call the Midwife (Season 12 + 2023 Christmas Special)

Another great season of this beautiful show. I'm still impressed that they can continue to tell heartbreaking and heartwarming stories all these seasons later, but its also great to see the growth of all our favorite characters. Though I am a bit peeved at how they wrote out Lucille and I feel so bad for Cyril because he cares so much for her and I wonder what will happen to him now. Still, I'm so glad to see Trixie so happy and now married to Matthew who is honestly such a great guy. Can't wait to continue seeing what takes place in Nonnatus House as this show always makes me feel things.

10. Miraculous World: Shanghai

Finally getting back into this show now that I have Disney+. So far out of the two specials, this one was more enjoyable because it had way more story and didn't suffer from Marinette's constant cringe. And though it was a shit reason for her to visit her uncle, I know she got a lot more out of Shanghai than she was expecting and not just because Adrien happened to be there. Plus it really highlighted how much heart and how much of a hero she could be and introduced a great character in Fei. And who can go wrong with a superhero trained in kungfu?

Other shows I watched: 11. The David Tennant Specials Part 2 (AKA the Doctor Who "60th Anniversary" Specials) 12. The Flash (Season 10) 13. Hibana Spark 14. Miraculous World: New York 15. Stargirl (Season 3) 16. Explained (Seasons 1-3)

Shows I rewatched in 2023: 1. Doctor Who (Season 19-The Power of the Doctor)

[inviba]

The Willow Tree - Part 1

Peeta Mellark x EverdeenSister!Fem!OC

Masterlist

warnings: general hunger games stuff

I hear rustling next to me before a hand lightly slaps my arm.

"Where's Prim?" My sister asks me.

"With mom." I whisper before turning over and close my eyes again.

"Of course she is." She sighs.

We sit in silence for a moment.

Today is the reaping.

I hear more rustling. Katniss is probably looking over at the other bed to confirm what I told her. Primrose is cuddling into our mother. At the foot of mom's bed is our cat. No, it's Prim's cat. Katniss and I don't get any attention from Buttercup, and neither does mom. Just Prim.

I feel a triple tap on my shoulder. I know what that means. I slip carefully out of bed, the floor creaking underneath my feet, and I follow Katniss into the kitchen.

"Milk and oats?" She asks me.

She starts pulling the oats down before I answer. She knows me all too well. It's my favorite breakfast meal.

"I'll do it. You need to go hunting."

I take over what she was doing while she slips her boots on.

"Are you okay?" She questions.

Am I? This'll be the fourth year my name is in the reaping bowl, and the first year Prim's is. She's 12 now. We can't put it off any longer.

"Yeah. I'm just nervous."

"I won't let anything happen to you. Or Prim." She comes up behind me.

"It's not Prim I'm worried about, Katniss." I look her in the eye, and I know she knows.

Our mother doesn't handle the reaping very well. It's been over 30 years since her name first went in, and she's never been called. She wasn't scared then, not until she had Katniss. Then me. Then Prim. With each of us she became more fearful.

"You know, I'm not that hungry. I'm gonna stop by the bakery on my walk."

"Alright. I'll be out with Gale."

Gale. I would never tell my sister how I feel about him being around her. I know he has a thing for her, and maybe she has a thing for him. I just want her to be happy, but I don't want her making the same mistake mom did.

She kisses my cheek, muttering a love you under her breath.

I slip my shoes on underneath my skirt, which goes down to my ankles. I tuck my sweater into its top band.

—

"Just a loaf of white like usual?" The woman at the front counter asks me with a smile.

"Yeah. I'll take a pecan pie, too." I hand over the money.

The lady sets the wrapped bread loaf on the counter and slips into the back to grab a pie. I catch the eyes of the boy who works in the back of the bakery. I smile at him, but he looks away in response. I know him. I think his name first went in about 6 years ago. Two years later, mine did the same.

"Here you go, hun. Have a nice day."

I smile and grab the stuff, looking at the boy one more time before leaving the shop and heading home.

—

"Hey, you're back early." Mom says to Katniss as she walks in the door.

"Willow bought us pecan pie!" Prim laughs.

"My favorite. Thanks." She ruffles my hair before sitting down at the table.

I cut her a piece and hand it to her on a plate.

"We have to leave in 15 minutes." Mom says before leaving and going into the bedroom.

"Is mom okay?" Primrose asks.

"She's fine, Primmy." I say before giving my older sister a look.

"She's fine." Katniss echoes.

—

Katniss is an archer. She's the best in District 12, and everyone knows that. She gets the animal in the eye every time. Fish, too, surprisingly. She often sells to the butcher down the street for a pretty penny. It's not much, but it's what we need to stay alive.

I have a lot of talents, but I'm not nearly as good as my sister. I can hide without anyone hearing or finding me for weeks, maybe months, if I tried. I know how to skin and gut most animals including fish, and I'm very good with a knife. My most useless skill is that I'm a talented chef.

So, Katniss hunts the food, I gut and cook it.

But Prim? She doesn't have much. No offense to her. She's just a kid. She doesn't have much in the survival sense. She's artistic and funny and can brighten up any room easily. But if she was stuck in that arena? She'd be dead in a minute.

Both of my sisters are beautiful. Me, not so much, but I guess I'm decent-looking. My hair isn't as long and gorgeous as Prim's, and Katniss has eyes that shine in the sun. They both have wonderfully beautiful smiles. I guess I just got the bad genes.

The nervousness in my chest bubbles up. I feel an itchiness in my throat. Every year, I get this way. The way they have us lined up into rows and columns makes it feel like we're about to witness an execution. We kind of are, in a sense. Two people, a man and a woman, get picked to be put into The Hunger Games. It basically is a death sentence. Except for one person, one lucky person, that survives. Not wins. Survives.

No one wins The Hunger Games. No one.

They just survive.

My sister's and I wear what everyone else is wearing, more or less. Prim is in a beige dress, and her hair is half braided and half down. I wear my usual long skirt in beige, with a white top. My hair flows down over my shoulders. Katniss wears off-white pants and a beige top, her hair in one long braid going down the middle of her back.

This year, Katniss and I put our name in a few extra times. It's called tesserae. We do this every year, now. And for every year that we add more, we get more rations for our family. Sadly, it's what we must do.

Katniss is twenty years old. She has put her name in the one time that is required and an extra two times for rations every year since she was twelve. I have, too, since I became twelve. But, they add up over time. This year, her name will be in there twenty-seven times. Mine, fifteen times. Prim's, only once. We would never tell her how we get that food, or she would insist she did it, too. We only get four extra rations for the 4 extra times we added this year. Katniss had insisted that she do it by herself, but if she had, she would've had her name in the bowl forty-five times this year. I wasn't going to let my sister do that alone.

Gale, sadly, is twenty-two, and he has his mother and 3 siblings to care about, so he puts his name in many times a year. I don't even know how many times his name will be in this year. More than Katniss and I put together.

I stand near the other 16 year olds. The youngest are put in the front, the oldest in the back. So, I'm somewhere in the middle. Katniss isn't far behind me, and I'm not far behind Prim. However, not being with my sisters in this moment makes it even more nerve-wracking.

I look to my left and slightly back to see the bakery boy again. I raise my hand up slightly to wave. He smiles for a second before looking away, and I do the same.

My brain doesn't register the boring story of Panem we must listen to every year. I could recite if I wanted to. North America, long ago, became Panem. Everything is amazing, blah blah blah.

Then, he lists the two mighty victors from District 12 in the past 74 years. Only one is still alive. Haymitch Abernathy, who sits drunkenly in a chair on stage.

I'm pulled from my annoyed trance when a woman, the Effie Trinket, begins her loud speech.

"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!"

I look back at Katniss and roll my eyes jokingly, and she holds back a laugh.

"Ladies first!" The bubbly woman says as she walks to one side of the stage.

She sticks her hand into the bowl and moves it around for a minute before pulling a slip out. She walks back to the microphone.

I feel the urge to throw up all of a sudden.

"The female tribute for District 12 is..."

I take a deep breath. In and out.

"Katniss Everdeen!"

[pbandjesse]

Today was a really good day. I had a surprisingly good day at the market and I am not as exhausted as I expected to be after working both the market and at the museum. I actually feel pretty good.

I did not sleep great last night though. I woke up a few times because there was loud banging outside that startled me and then I got overheated. It wasn't even warm But the air felt stale. I asked James to take the air conditioners out of the windows today so hopefully we can get more of a cross breeze.

I forgot to set my alarm but I still woke up at 7:00. Thank you internal clock. And I would go and get dressed and I feel pretty cute. My hair is not as annoying as it has been. I fixed my part and I think that helped. And we left here and went to get McDonald's hash browns.

I was really tired once we got to the market though and and kept saying that I was being cute saying that it's impossible to work 8 hours a day. But it's feels very true. How do people do things. But I would eventually wake up and things were good.

I worked on my knitting and I made a whole bunch of sales. People were very into the stickers today. And I just had some really nice conversations with people. I also really enjoyed talking to the woman that was there with the flag house museum. And she gave me her email because she wants to sell some of my stickers in their gift shop. So that was really exciting.

It was a beautiful day though. And I really was just enjoying being outside. Making sales was just a bonus. A lot of the sales came later in the morning which was surprising. Rod sold out of his bread like really really early so I wasn't sure I was going to make any sales but more people came through and it was great. I also just really was enjoying helping people today. There was a couple people that were there for the downtown sailing center that were in wheelchairs that were dropping things and the one guy, I think his name was Dale or Darren, was really sweet to me and he was kind of overheated and asked if I could get him a couple of ice and so I went over to the nice Mexican ladies and got him that and we just chatted for a bit. And then one of the other guys who I have had conversations with many times was telling me that he was having trouble breathing and so I was like okay I'll go find your mom and so I ran into the parking lot and found her and she was like oh yeah he's just being dramatic. But she appreciated that I did that. And she was so sweet she asked about my dad because we have been talking about his prosthetic a few months ago and she remembered and I thought that was so sweet.

James texted me and asked if I could bring them a quesadilla for lunch but when I went over there they were out of tortillas. So instead they made James a crepe chorizo. And it smelled very good. I hope it tasted as good as it smelled.

I dropped that off to James inside and I finished up my last hour. I had excellent conversations with the woman from the museum about art and this piece that I recently seen about the tea towel that was used as the flag of surrender during the civil war. And it was crazy cuz neither of us ever heard of it and both of us know so much about the civil war so that was really cool to find out something new. And at 1:00 I packed up and it was time to go.

I went to go inside to find you so they weren't there and Deborah who was waiting at the front desk told me that James had gone outside so we had to go find each other and we ran into each other into the parking lot and had a big hug It was a very silly. But it was also very sweet. I love my husband so much.

I was tired but not as tired as sometimes I have been. I had a pretty easy drive back and And I ate the muffin that I got from Jenny while I was driving. When I got back here I threw some of the muffin that I did not want anymore into the grass around the trees on the side of the road for the birds. And then I came inside and I got changed and I laid down.

I watch the video for a while and eventually I did fall asleep. I woke up at 4:00 when my alarm went off and was not as dizzy as sometimes I am. And I got dressed and very soon James was home. They had a package for me. It was my lash lift kit that I bought. I'm going to try to do it tonight and I'm very nervous. But I was excited to get a package.

Before I left I sat and read all the directions and me and James talked for a few minutes. And then they went to go take the ACs out of the window and I said goodbye and headed to the museum.

When I got there I got a little annoyed when the coordinator for the event try to stop me from going to the museum because she didn't understand that I worked there even though I kept saying I'm here because I'm working the event. But it was whatever. It just kind of put a bad taste in my mouth for a moment but everyone else that I talk to tonight was lovely. I had some trouble setting up a chase because I wasn't sure what it should say. So instead I made two smaller ones. And I think it looked great and everyone that I talked to seem to really like it. But the problem was that this event was huge and was actually spanning the pavilion and the museum and the food was all over the pavilion. So while people were coming in they were mostly directly going over there after they checked in at the front. And then the people who were there to run the casino tables that they had set up didn't have any people come through by 8:00 when I left. I did have some really nice conversations with the few people that did come in but mostly it seems like the time it was all thrown off. Their schedule said that we were going to be having the museum open till 11:00 which was not ever part of the deal. And the actual casino tables weren't supposed to open till 7:30 and they didn't have a bar in the museum only over at the other place I think it was really weird. But everyone seemed to be having a great time and that's all that really matters.

I did have a very bizarre conversation with a guest. Specifically because this was a charity event for the homeless and he seemed very angry about homeless people. I don't know He's just seemed like maybe a tough love type of guy but I was a little like isn't this an event to support homeless people why are you so mad. But he was really interested in print and I was able to very gently and to the conversation and start talking to some other guests and once all the guests were gone I had a really nice conversation with the casino people and I got to tell them all about history and making and stuff and it was really cool. They were very sweet.

And then at 8:00 I went home. And that's where I am now. I'm about to go take a shower and then I'm going to attempt to use the slash kit. James is out of baseball game and it looks like we're doing very well. So I hope they're having a lot of fun.

And then tomorrow I have my class with art with a heart and I'm so excited to see peeps again. And then I'm going to have a late lunch early dinner with CJ and that's going to be awesome. I just hope that it's a really nice day. And I hope that you guys will have a great night. Sleep well everyone. Until next time.

[shablonkamightcry]

My job has really highlighted for me just how much I love humanity.

Things that I thought would be negatives of the job are my favourite. Having to talk to customers? Easy and charming, all types of folk come round here. I know enough to help them if they need it, and if they don't then that's easy. We might talk about the products or how their day has been and it has the ease as if I've know them my whole life, because we share the connection of the store. The customers are my favourite part of the job.

I had a customer come in and buy over 200 dollars worth of yugioh cards, and we talked about how he was going to go to the bottle shop after and drink and open the packs for the rest of the night. Another customer came in not too long ago and I commented on the sweater the guy she was with (which turned out to be her boyfriend) and how cool it's design was and she spent the next 15 minutes or so telling me about the website she got it on and all the cool stuff it sells and how much she loves it. So many people who come in for the first time have a face full of wonder and delight, and I get to expand on their joy by telling them more and showing them more.

I now have some customers who come in and look for me specifically because they like me so much. I had a trans customer ask me for a hug the first time he came in because I asked him for his pronouns while we were talking and the next time he came in he said "it's my favourite retail worker" and asked me for another hug. I have customers come in and thank me for how helpful I was last time, and I have customers who thank me on the way out, going out of their way to specifically tell my boss how helpful and nice I was. A lot of customers come in woth cool clothes or make-up or accessories and I can just. Tell them I like it after I ask if they need any help, and often time that will start a conversation that's just really nice and wholesome.

Even when there's customers who are more your stereotypical "annoying customer", they bring me so much joy. We have groups of teens who all gather around the knife display, and I simply get to talk to them and often show off the knives for them and have a nice chat with them. We have people who come in and make fun of aspects of the store, but they are having fun, and honestly the store is a bit funny if you look at it through the right lense. People who tend to complain or get mad at workers tend to soften up if you treat them with a level of understanding, and I assume part of that is a little bit of my autistic-ness making them feel a bit worse for being so rude. I know that sentence doesn't make sense on its own but like. It's The Way That I Am that seems to make people a bit kinder.

Even when I'm not working, I really feel so much love thanks to the changes my job has brought. My job is in a shopping centre, and that means I tend to walk around the centre if I have time before or after my shift. This means that in the stores closest to my job that I regularly peruse I have become familiar with the staff. This built such a sense of community for me because simply, I was able to befriend them not just because I was there alot, but because the people there liked me. There is a store in my little circut where one of the employees I know simply does not like me, and I'm ok with that. It actually helps to distinguish that these people are not just talking to me because I am a customer, but because they like me. One worker specifically went out of her way to let specifically me know that she would be on vacation for the next 5 months so that way I wouldn't be wondering were she was and that I knew she wasn't avoiding me. After she told me, she then asked to give me a hug and told me she'd see me after she came back. She chose to do all that.

My job has really shown me that I am likeable, but it has also reminded me how much I like people, individually and as a whole.

[dukeofriven]

To My Beloved iPod (2018ish-2023)

RIP IPod nano 7th gen. I kept you alive as long as I could since I bought you at the Good Pawn Shop to replace the 30-second battery life iPod nano the other, Bad Pawn Shop sold me and would not let me return. (The Good Pawn Shop died in Covid, the shitty one, of course, survived). You lasted lo these many years, the last few of which have required me to use increasingly elaborate elastic band combinations to get you to attach to the cord. But now, no matter what I try, it's like an essential catch is gone and the cord flies out like a greased pig. I can no longer charge you, much less add new podcasts, and this is thus the end. You represent the era before enshittification destroyed the music business. You existed before Spotify, which will one day erase everyone's music that they don't own and don't even rent, because it can—and anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention. You represent an era in which 'having a data plan' (at brutal Canadian prices), wasn't assumed, and I was not treated like an idiot for not shelling out the hundred+ dollars a month to have one just to stream music while paying a rental fee to not own it. You represent an era before it was expected that I would want an overpriced smartphone to do everything poorly—a poor phone, a poor camera, a poor Mp3 player. An era in which I could want to listen to music or podcasts without being interrupted by emails or texts or phone calls or a dozen other notifications—when I was allowed to 'unproductively' be alone with my self and my audio of choice. You represent the last era where it was okay to own things, before neo-feudalism became the 'smart' tech-savvy thing we were all supposed to embrace and everyone wondered why I looked at them with such contempt: given what is now happening with video streaming, I was right, and I remain right, and I was never wrong. I have spent some sum on a knock-off, because replacements are now either the nightmare roulette of second-hand ebay gambles or unopened mint-condition $300 money grabs. I will have to come to terms with ending 20-odd years of iTunes—which hasn't been a good program since 2010 at the latest but I was used to it, damnit, and part of the enshittification is that nothing is allowed to last. A few months ago my pop-corn maker died: it was older than I am, dated from my parents wedding, and had outlast that marriage by over 25 years. Young people won't understand: things used to last. You bought something on the guarantee it would last you many, many years. when you bought it, you owned it, and no one in a C-suit could take it away. And, if it broke, it could be repaired. All of that is dead. We let the tech companies kill it because we kept wanting newer, shinier things. More 'convenience.' Not quality. Not longevity. Just ease. And they have fucked us and our world in thanks. iPod, you did nothing for me but play music and podcasts. It was all you needed to do: not play movies, not have games, not have a browser, or a webcam, or connect me to social media. If we want to improve the world we need to make such things again: items that do only what they need to do, and do that well, rather than accepting a device that does 30 things poorly and thinking it is a good compromise because it is 'convenient' and 'easy.' It just lets capital sell you garbage it won't even let you keep. Ave atque vale, iPod. See you at the crossroads with those who went before: tell them that in my memories, they live on forever.

[deasbanker]

Weekend treat: visit the Imperial Palace for the first time, stop by each bookstore in Jimbocho, and have a break at a retro cafe in Ginza where my favorite writer used to eat some while alive!

14/4/2024

Originally, I was supposed to visit Chidorigafuchi Moat last month as this is famous for the picturesque view of cherry trees lined up along its moat during sakura season; however, while I had had to put off the plan until the weather was preferable three times, I missed a chance to enjoy such a view for this year, after all. Nonetheless, I carried out my plans in the area without cherry blossoms.

Mom and I arrived at Kudanshita station, which is located right in front of Nippon Budokan and reminded me of the day when I went to the Spitz concert in my 10s, around 9:30 am for taking a boat without so much waiting; yet, having second thoughts, we opted for a brisk walk along and inside the East Garden of the Imperial Palace. In contrast to the past few weeks, the sun was beating down harshly throughout the day. Therefore, I sweated and was being so thirsty that I felt a bit reluctant to pay attention to each spot like colored carp, to tell the truth（I don't mean to say that was boring. If anything, it's good for a walk）. Then, we decided to head to Jimbocho by subway. By the by, I do remember that there were so many bees flying around the moat.

I was absolutely delighted to finally come to Jimbocho; I had been wanting to visit its bookstore street since I got a preoccupation with reading in college. I stopped by every single store on the street regardless of genre, because I didn't have a specific item to look for, so I explored the area following my heart.

I was surprised at the fact that genuine noh masks were for sale even in a bookstore（side note: 神田古書センター/Kanda-kosho Center）; I mean, most of the shops sell not only books but also records, DVDs, or posters. As well as that, I thought of actually seeing autographs of from actors who passed away half a century ago to contemporary authors, or items of like the 1920s or 30s come from other countries up close as a valuable experience. I was pondering if some books that I read a long time ago had potentially rolled in this town, at the time. Incidentally, I like 神保町ブックセンター/Jimbocho Book Center and Book House Cafe, a children's bookstore, neither of which sell used books, though. In addition, I got also startled by a really huge line for curry although this town is called "Curry Town".

In the afternoon, I took mom to BRIDGE, an underground cafe in Ginza, for a late lunch; the reason why I picked this place all the way is that one of my favorite Japanese writers named Kuniko Mukoda used to visit the cafe while alive. Thus, the articles about that were on display at the entrance. According to them, she would often order sandwiches composed of Japanese rolled omelet, some slices of ham, vegetables, and Japanese mustard, but I ordered melon pancakes, a signature dish of BRIDGE, for mom（she preferred sweets at the moment, and I have been staying away from sugar or too much carbs for fear of a relapse into binge eating disorder）. We had a great time over coffee/tea there. I like its welcoming atmosphere; it wasn't sophisticated, exclusive, nor solemn in a good way, so I didn't have to hesitate to enter, which I do appreciate. Next time, I'd love to take dad there.

[lilliankillthisman]

Finished reading The Property Boom. I can't say I would recommend it to anyone who wasn't looking for a book on this exact topic.

I definitely know a lot more now than I ever did before about the British commercial real estate sector from 1945-1964 or so, which is what I was looking for. The author obviously has a huge breadth of knowledge on the topic and has done a huge amount of research into some of his examples. I am probably going to have to find a modern book on the industry (maybe grab a textbook?) so that I don't go around assuming that some things are still true about the industry that died out 50 years ago, but not any time soon.

From a political standpoint, the book is kind of interesting! I do not often read books by authors sympathetic to the UK Conservative Party, but from the standpoint of the commercial property market it was obviously a good thing that the Tories won a majority in 1951, and the author obviously writes from the perspective of the real estate developers. And I do find myself agreeing* when it comes to this one area - the Tory government obviously made commercial property development much easier, and that was a good thing for the country; the policies they pursued here left workers better off and the economy better prepared for the future.

It's very obvious, though, that the author likes his cities and towns run by Labour councils, actively doing deals and pushing through developments to improve their town centres; he disapproves of Conservative councils selling off their real estate portfolios to the highest bidder without a coherent plan for their towns in the late 50s/early 60s, too. His viewpoint is (VERY LOOSELY SPEAKING) non ideological; his preferences depend on the actual consequences of policy.

In terms of development, his position is that the interests of government, the local people, the developers, and their financial backers are all bound up together; what is good for capital is good for the common man as well. The successful office block development drives the welfare of the whole surrounding area while making developers rich and creditors happy; a failed shopping centre condemns a town to decline, and hangs over the developer's balance sheet for years to come. And like, he's right about this! I don't often read books with that kind of purehearted bourgois mentality, but this is a topic where you can see where it's coming from. It's a limited enough area that it isn't going to change my wider view of the world (also, you can see state-led successes in the sector in plenty of countries across the world, from germany to china**), but... idk, it's good to look at convincing examples of opposing ideologies.

*not just because I was persuaded by this one guy, tbc

**this is too long already and I'm not going to write an essay about the chinese real estate industry. Suffice to say things aren't looking good right now but they sure did get a lot built.