#was trying to go to sleep last night and this was just playing in my head nonstop
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Cannibals [Chapter 1: Bruises and Bloodlines]
Series summary: You are his sister, his lover, his betrothed despite everyone else's protests; you have always belonged to Aemond and believe you always will. But on the night he returns from Storm's End with horrifying news, the trajectories of your lives are irrevocably changed. Will the war of succession make your bond permanent, or destroy the twisted and fanatical love you share?
Chapter warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), Aemond stressing everybody out, Aegon hating his life even more than usual, RIP lil Luke Strong, don't touch bats in real life or you will get rabies.
Word count: 6.3k
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Cannibal, a noun: one that devours its own.
~~~~~~~~~~
He’s back, you can feel it: a sensation like falling, the impact of Vhagar’s claws against the earth. You get glimpses like this, unpredictable flashes of intuition, a window into the contents of his mind or the scenery he is draped in like how branches hang from a willow tree. You set Blueberry down on the windowsill, where he skitters to the edge and swoops out into the night, chasing white specks of moths and lacewings. Then you leave your bedchamber to meet Aemond in the hallway.
One of the maids is there, trying to be patient as she paces with Maelor in her arms. He’s just like you were at that age: a demon who never sleeps. His white-blonde hair is disheveled, his eyes rheumy and pink from crying in protest. But then they brighten.
“Red Red!” Maelor swipes at you with tiny, grasping hands.
“What are you doing awake?” you coo at him, beaming. “It’s nighttime. You aren’t a bat. Are you a bat, huh? Are you hiding a pair of wings somewhere?”
He giggles as you pretend to inspect him. The maid smiles.
“If you don’t have any wings, I’m afraid you’ll have to go right to sleep. That’s the rule for humans.”
Maelor trills in his toddler lisp: “Then I want to be a bat.”
“Okay! I’ll find some bugs for you to eat.”
“No!” he squeals, dismayed. “No bugs!”
“In that case, I guess you’re a human after all. If you go to bed now, you can help me collect seashells tomorrow.”
“Fine,” Maelor agrees grudgingly, and the maid ferries him away. From the Godswood, great horned owls hoot. One of the knights of Aegon’s Kingsguard, Sir Willis Fell from the Stormlands, passes by on his patrol and gives you a quick nod, polite but a bit avoidant, awkward truths he pretends he can ignore. He doesn’t ask if you need assistance or why you’re awake at this hour. He already knows. He vanishes again, his white cloak swishing behind him like the tail of a wolf or a jackal.
You lurk at the top of the Grand Staircase shrouded in shadows and shifting firelight, feeling night wind skate over your cheek like children playing on a frozen lake, and that breeze is not here but outside where Aemond must be trudging across the courtyard towards the royal apartments in Maegor’s Holdfast. You drum your fingertips impatiently on the stone banister. When at last he appears—first only a silhouette in the darkness, then rippling into color under the torches, black leather and silver hair—Aemond is drenched with rain and ascending swiftly, two stairs at a time.
You grin as you take a step down to him, slinking, conspiratorial. He told you all his plans before he left; he tells you everything. “How was Storm’s End?”
But Aemond doesn’t answer. He blows past you and stalks towards Criston’s chambers, rainwater dripping from his hair and littering the floor with tiny, transluscent pools.
You turn to watch him leave, mystified. “Aemond?”
He says without stopping: “Go wake Aegon and Mother. Tell them to meet me in the small council chamber. I’ll get Criston and Grandsire.”
“Why?” Again, Aemond ignores you. This is unusual. You bolt after him, closing the space between you until your fingers catch his wrist. “Aemond, what—?”
He grabs you and pins you to the wall, the stones cold against your belly through the crimson velvet of your robe, Aemond’s hips braced against yours, domineering, demanding, promising what he will do for you after. You close your eyes and sigh shakily—a savoring, a surrender—and then he is tender, turning your face so he can kiss the apple of your cheek. He murmurs, warm and low: “Do as I ask.”
You nod. “Okay,” you agree in a whisper. Aemond releases you and vanishes to rouse Criston. You break for Aegon’s chambers.
There is a woman in his bed, snoring softly and with long auburn hair spilling over her bare shoulders. He has endeavored to spend less time drinking and philandering since becoming king, and yet…it is so rare for a creature to change its spots or stripes or scales. Aegon has always been this way. Without his vices, you would not recognize him.
You kneel beside the bed and rest a palm lightly on Aegon’s damp forehead. You have to be careful when you wake him; he flinches, he startles, he has too many memories of being ripped from sleep by bruises and crescent-moon indentations of fingernails. “Aegon? I’m really sorry, I know it’s late.”
He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know it’s you. “Fuck off,” he groans into his pillow.
“Aemond’s back from Storm’s End, but something’s wrong. He wants you to meet him in the council chamber.”
Aegon looks up and blinks drowsily. Moonlight spills into the room through gaps in the curtains. He smells strange, like lavender; that must be from his companion. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
You shake your head.
Now Aegon is alarmed. The dark, cloudy blue of his irises is rapidly clearing. “Alright. Give me five minutes.”
“Wash the girl’s perfume off you so Mother isn’t quite so disappointed.”
Aegon chuckles, rubbing his eyes; something about the way he does this reminds you of Maelor. They are both just boys; they are both so incendiary and yet so vulnerable. “Get out, whore.”
You tousle his hair roughly, smack a kiss onto his sweat-salted temple as he tries to shove you away, snicker as he hurls pillows at you. You are slipping through the doorway when you hear the woman in bed mumble: “Huh? What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Aegon says. “Thank you very much for your company, your skills were more than adequate, now kindly find your way home…”
You hurry down the hall to Mother’s chambers. There are seven-pointed stars on the walls and the furniture, green tapestries everywhere. She will always be a Hightower, averse to Valyrian oddities and suspicious of that sinister, ancient magic. She does not understand it; she tries to overlook it in her children. It’s the only way she knows how to love them. You sit beside the indistinct shape beneath the blankets, sinking into the goose feather mattress, and nudge what you guess is her shoulder. “Mother?”
She stirs, and then her face fills with concern when she sees you in the dim light from her candles. “What’s happened, darling? Are you ill?” You are prone to headaches and chills and nausea, you always have been, maladies of the flesh that are either a blood inheritance or a curse from bad stars. Once when you were very young, Aemond pushed you into a cold stream during a royal progress to the Vale, and you had been laughing when Criston leapt in and dragged you from the water; but two days later, you began burning up with a fever so hot they thought you might die. Aemond had slept on the floor beside your bed, and when you shivered so violently your bones ached he climbed in beside you and held you until you could sleep again; and later when his eye was cut out on Driftmark and he was half-mad with pain, you did the same for him.
“No, Mother, I’m fine. It’s Aemond.”
She sits up and studies you. “Aemond?”
“He’s back from Storm’s End, and he wants to talk to you.”
“To me?”
“And Criston and Aegon, and Grandsire too.”
She doesn’t understand. “Now? Why? What’s wrong?”
“I have no idea.”
“What did he say?”
Everyone expects you to already know, but you don’t. “I think he wants to tell all of us at the same time. In the small council chamber.”
“Now?” she says again, puzzled, still half-asleep. “What is so important that it can’t wait until morning?”
“Mother, there are only so many ways for me to express that I don’t know. If I had any indications at all, I’d share them.”
“Alright.” She’s smiling; you have amused her. She throws off the covers and touches her bare feet to the floor. “Pass me my robe. It’s on that chair over there.” And of course, the swath of velvet you hand her to wear over her nightgown is a deep emerald green: the color of fertile fields, not blood or beasts.
By the time you and Mother arrive together, everyone else is already taking their places in the council chamber. Aegon is at the head of the table, spinning his stone—a black sphere of volcanic glass—and peering around boredly. Grandsire and Criston are greeting Mother and yawning into the backs of their hands. No one has woken Helaena, and yet she is here, settling nimbly into the chair beside Aegon. He gives her a brief, fond glance, noting that she is fidgeting with a small oak dragonfly he once made for her. Aegon carves wood, Helaena embroiders, you shatter seashells with tiny hammers and use the shards to make mosaics, miniscule yet unladylike violence. Aemond has books and swords in place of crafts. And Daeron…you assume he must have cultivated some artistic talents while away in Oldtown—he was always so imaginative as a boy—but you would not know them. You see him so rarely now. You sit across the table from Aemond. He is the only attendee not dressed in nightclothes. His black leather tunic is still layered with a sheen of rain.
Grandsire lowers himself gingerly into his seat, grinding arthritic bones that pain him. The nights have grown chilly, even here in the south. Winter is coming, the maesters warn. His gaze passes over you and Helaena—the two of you aren’t really supposed to be here, but you’ll be permitted to stay if you cause no trouble—then he smirks humorlessly at Aemond. “So you failed.”
“No,” Aemond says, and you think as you look around the table: No Orwyle, no Lannister, no Wylde, not even Larys Strong. What does Aemond not want them to know? “Lord Baratheon has agreed to marry his youngest daughter to Daeron in one year’s time. He was very enthusiastic about the match.”
“Great!” Aegon declares. “Although, personally, I am of the inexpert opinion that this could have been discussed over bacon and honeycakes at breakfast…”
Grandsire snorts, derisive; he disapproves, though perhaps he is not surprised. He says to Aemond: “You were sent to negotiate your own marriage, not Daeron’s.”
Aemond shrugs, as if it happened by coincidence. “That was Borros Baratheon’s preference.”
“It was your preference, you mean.”
Aemond is careful not to reveal any emotion. “Daeron is young, but he already has a reputation. He is known to be handsome and chivalrous and…” A wave of the hand as he searches for the right word. “Unmutilated. It is not so difficult to imagine why a father would believe him to be a more worthy son-in-law.”
“It doesn’t matter to me, one Targaryen is as good as the next,” Aegon says, and of course nobody pays much attention.
“Perhaps Borros Baratheon’s judgment has been contaminated by certain disturbing and disgraceful rumors,” Grandsire counters and glares at you. You don’t reply; there’s nothing you can say that would help. Everyone knows, but it rarely spoken of aloud, as if it is a ghost nobody wants to inadvertently conjure. All your life there has been this perpetual rebalancing of scales: someone mentions a diplomatic match for you, you stall and Aemond makes excuses, Grandsire and Mother try to convince him, Aemond is immoveable and they aren’t willing to invoke his wrath. Vhagar is the subtext of every dispute. They need her, they are terrified of her.
Criston attempts to deescalate. “Aemond’s task was to ensure the Baratheons’ loyalty to the crown, and he has accomplished that. Perhaps it would be wise to move on.”
“Fine, what else?” Grandsire snaps. “You assembled us here for some reason, I presume. It must be urgent to merit a meeting now. It better be urgent, or I’ll be paying people to shake you awake during the hour of the wolf for the next month.”
“It is urgent,” Aemond says softly, then pauses, gazing down at the ball in front of him, white quartz dappled with blue. Everyone watches him. You share a glance with Aegon; he is curious, but you have nothing to offer him. You turn back to Aemond with bewilderment in your face, furrows in your brow.
“Aemond?” Mother prompts.
He looks at you, only for a second, but you’re thunderstruck by what you see in his remaining eye. You have never known Aemond to be afraid, but he is right now. What happened? you think, horror making the blood in your veins cold and slow and heavy. What did he do?
Aemond begins: “Luke Strong was at Storm’s End too.”
“What?” Grandsire says, more baffled than worried. “That runt? Why?”
“He’s a weasel,” Aegon mutters, spinning his ball again.
“Rhaenyra’s son?” Mother asks. “She sent him there all alone? How peculiar. The way she was always hovering over him while they were here, I’m amazed she let him out of her sight for that long. How old is he now? With that plain, ever-anxious, pug-nosed face, he looks like a little boy—”
Aemond says: “He was sent to remind Borros of his old pledge to uphold Rhaenyra’s claim. But Luke had no incentives to offer.”
“And so Lord Baratheon rejected him,” Grandsire surmises.
Aemond nods, though perhaps halfheartedly.
“Well, good,” Grandsire says, surveying the table for agreement. “That’s good, right? With every house that refuses to aid her, Rhaenyra will be more likely to accept our terms, and we can resolve this question of succession without any bloodshed.”
“Meleys and the Dragonpit,” Aegon reminds him.
“Without further bloodshed,” Grandsire amends.
Mother and Criston concur, but you’re watching Aemond. He hasn’t responded yet. Mother’s gaze flits between the two of you. She is somewhat sympathetic to the affinity you share, but she doesn’t understand it. More than anything, you get the sense she believes it is something you must be saved from. The Hightowers could stomach Aegon and Helaena’s match—Viserys was still healthy enough to insist upon it, and the couple so seemingly platonic it was easy to forget they were married at all—but they have no appetite for a desire that defies political expediency, that burns scorching and wild.
“Aemond, did you quarrel with Luke?” Mother says, her tone patient in an I-won’t-be-mad-if-you-just-tell-me-the-truth sort of way. “I know…your eye…” She touches her own face, wincing at the memory of how he suffered. “Did you seek restitution of some sort from him? Did you make accusations?”
“We…exchanged some words,” Aemond admits. “And then…when Luke left on Arrax…” There is a lull, and everyone stares at him. “Vhagar and I followed.”
“What?!” Grandsire exclaims. “You threatened Rhaenyra’s son?!”
“I…” Aemond closes his eye, then after a moment opens it again and continues. “It was my intention to frighten him, that was all.”
“Idiot,” Grandsire hisses. “You know better. You’re too well-educated to act like you don’t. Now, that one…” He jabs an accusatory finger at Aegon, who is caught off-guard, what the fuck do I have to do with this?
Criston says, more gently: “That was very dangerous, Aemond.” Mother covers her mouth with one hand and shakes her head. Her long coppery hair hangs in uncombed waves, still tangled from sleep.
“So what happened?” Aegon asks. “Where’d you chase him to? All the way back to Dragonstone? You must have scared him to death.”
Aemond chooses his words with great care and agonizing slowness. “Everything was under control. Then Arrax…he unleashed his flames on Vhagar, and she…she attacked.”
Everyone is silent. After a moment, Grandsire says: “What do you mean she attacked?”
“She…” Aemond gestures vaguely with open hands, hands that have held you, caged you, dragged you, pleased you until you were forged to him like a blade to a hilt. Again, he looks at you, and what is he asking for? Help, empathy, compassion, forgiveness? “She bit Arrax.”
“She wounded him?” Aegon says.
“She devoured him.”
Criston blinks. “So…Arrax is dead, and where is Luke now?”
Aemond laces his fingers together on the table like he’s praying. “He’s…he’s gone.”
“Gone?” Mother echoes.
“Did you look for him?” Grandsire demands. “I mean, did you even bother to search for Luke, or did you just leave him in the Stormlands somewhere? Did he fall into the sea, could he be wandering around in a forest? If Luke is injured, we should send out people to find him. We could hold him as a hostage.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Aemond’s voice is frayed. And now for the first time tonight, you finally know what he’s going to say. Your eyes snag on Aegon’s, and he reads the terror there, and then it hits him too. “There is nothing to search for.”
Mother is gaping at him, the unwanted knowledge seeping in like rain through earth. “Nothing?”
“There is no body. Pieces, perhaps.”
Unspeakable, suffocating dread fills the room, and then Grandsire leaps to his feet and slams his fists down on the table. “Useless!” he roars at Aemond. “Worse than useless, a saboteur, a curse, a plague, you have ruined everything your Mother and I worked for, Rhaenyra was considering our terms and now you’ve condemned us all!”
“You killed Lucerys Velaryon?” Mother says, stunned. Her large dark eyes glisten with unpardonable betrayal. She’ll never look at him the same way again. “You murdered Rhaenyra’s son? A prince, the heir to Driftmark?”
“It wasn’t murder,” Aemond pleads. “It was…it was combat, it was a battle—”
“A battle with that child?!” Grandsire thunders. Helaena begins to cry, and Aegon places a hand on her wrist as his wide eyes dart around the table. “Everyone’s seen him, it’s no secret, and not a single person in the realm would be delusional enough to believe a clash between Vhagar and Arrax was anything but a slaughter!”
“Aemond,” Criston says quietly, appalled, astonished.
Aemond can’t meet his eyes. He peers down at the table, and despite everything—what will happen to us, what will happen to me?—there is an ache in your chest like cracked ribs trying to heal, a profound lightless distress, a ricochet of the pain he’s feeling. “It wasn’t my intention to harm Luke.”
Grandsire shouts: “Did you give Vhagar the order or not?!”
It feels like a long time before Aemond answers. “No.”
“Oh gods,” Criston says as he sinks down in his chair, turning to Alicent. She has hidden her face with both hands and seems to be weeping.
“So you can’t control Vhagar,” Grandsire seethes. “You ride the largest and most dangerous dragon in the world and you can’t stop her from eating people.”
“I never would have purposefully—”
“But you created the situation! You pursued Luke, you tormented him, and surely somewhere in your sick brain you considered that you were endangering his life! And now… now…now Rhaenyra will be merciless, she will never submit, she will endeavor to destroy us all!”
“It will bring more allies to her side,” Criston says. “They will believe she was wronged, and she will wield that weapon to great advantage. She is cunning.”
“What about your family, Aemond?!” Mother sobs, her face a hectic, bloody pink. “You and your brothers will have to go to war, you might be maimed or butchered, and your sisters and I…we could be taken as prisoners, we could be executed for treason!”
“That will never happen,” he swears; but his pale blue eye is misty, and he bites his lips together so they won’t tremble.
Mother is desperate, tears streaming down her cheeks “What can we do, Father? How can we salvage this?”
Grandsire points to you. “She must be wed immediately. We’ve already waited too long.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Aegon says, but no one is listening.
“Mother,” you beg. “Please don’t let them—”
“She will be married to whoever can help us in this,” Grandsire says. “The Lannisters or the Redwynes or the Swanns, perhaps the Butterwells or the Mootons if that will coax them to our side—”
“Then the realm will burn,” Aemond replies darkly, leaning over the table. “But I’ll come knocking on your door first, Grandsire.”
Grandsire looks at him, startled. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Shall we find out?”
“Otto, please,” Criston says, holding up a palm. Then he considers how to dissuade him. “All things considered—the military strength that Aemond has brought to our side, the devotion that he has shown this family, present circumstances notwithstanding—he has never asked for much.”
“He asks for the one thing we cannot give him,” Grandsire replies, then turns to you. “What do you think about what Aemond has done? This recklessness, this monstrous error?”
He rarely asks for your opinion about anything. This is not a question but a summons: you are supposed to disavow Aemond. You are the one who can hurt him best. Instead you say, though it’s not what you truly feel: “Luke was an enemy. He perished in combat.”
Grandsire, Mother, and Criston all begin yelling at once. Helaena shrinks into herself, her dragonfly made of oak wood clutched to her chest. Aegon whispers something to her—you can leave, you believe he says—but she shakes her head no. You are stoic as the adults berate and implore you, and perhaps it’s strange that you still think of them that way since you’re an adult now too, and yet…their gravity seems so much heavier than yours, their tethers to the earth overgrown with weeds and moss.
“I��ll gut you myself!” Grandsire screams at Aemond, empty threats woven from helpless terror. “I’ll lock you in the Black Cells, I’ll have you banished to Dorne—!”
“I’ll throw a feast!” Aegon says suddenly, and the others go quiet.
“You’ll what?” Grandsire snarls.
“Little Luke Strong is dead and that’s a victory for our side. There’s no other way to look at it.”
“You intend to celebrate this calamity?”
“What else should we do?” Aegon asks. “Apologize? Go crawling on our bellies to Rhaenyra for forgiveness? No, she’d burn us alive. If it’s done, we must embrace it and use it to bolster our cause as much as possible. It was a battle and a victory. Aemond is a war hero. Onto the next objective.”
“What a disaster,” Criston mutters, rubbing his forehead. “Yes, that might be the only option we have.”
Mother clasps the small seven-pointed star that hangs from the gold chain at her throat. “I must go to the sept. I must pray for our survival.”
Grandsire glowers at Aegon. “You are a humiliation.”
“I am the king. I want a feast.”
Grandsire sighs deeply, pushing his chair away from the table. “I suppose I have letters to write.” And then, to Aemond: “When your sisters are captured and enslaved and married off to whichever Black loyalists will pay Rhaenyra and Daemon the most for them, I trust you’ll remember who’s responsible.”
Aemond gets up and storms out of the small council chamber. Mother mops the tears off her face with the sleeves of her green robe. Criston takes one of her hands and is murmuring promises, assurances, perhaps lies. You, Aegon, and Helaena say nothing. None of you can defend what Aemond has done, but you won’t denounce him either.
Then Grandsire grins at you, a cruel bestial flash of his teeth, an old grizzled animal tough from too many winters, icy wind shrieking through the chambers of its heart. “Oh, are you pretending that you’re not about to run after him?”
You don’t reply. But you rise from the table and flee as Mother watches you, her vast eyes swimming with misery.
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s a game with five pieces: the green snake, the yellow butterfly, the blue wolf, the red bat, and the purple shadowcat. They chase each other around the board, and if one of the other pieces lands on the same spot as yours then you have to go all the way back to the start.
Daeron is the youngest, but he almost always seems to win; some people are like that, luck flows like a river in their veins. Helaena enjoys playing even if she finished last. Aegon feigns disinterest but never declines an invitation, sliding his snake across the spaces with his index finger between slurps of wine. And sometimes Aemond is ruthless, taking every single opportunity to land on your spot and send your bat hurtling back to the beginning, sawing your legs out from under you, shattering your hopes like glass again and again until you are so frustrated you can feel embers glowing dry and searing in your throat.
But other times, Aemond pretends to misread the dots on the dice so he lands either too close or too far away and you are spared, and if you win he lies and says you deserve it.
~~~~~~~~~~
He is waiting at your bedroom door; when you are close enough to breathe him in, you taste rain and soot. Perhaps���if it isn’t your imagination—you can even detect the coppery tinge of blood, splatters of little Luke Strong soaked into the black leather of his tunic or his coat. You remember that boy you barely knew, more a phantom than flesh, a wraith who stole Aemond’s eye and then was spirited away to Dragonstone to escape retribution, a tiny god who Viserys worshipped from afar the same way he never stopped loving Rhaenyra. All you knew of your father was absence, and this was a sadness but a relief as well, because you could not escape the sense that if he was there you would only disappoint him.
“What is wrong with you?!” you whisper savagely. Aemond smiles and reaches for your face, but you swat his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me. You’re insane, you’re going to get us all killed—”
He drags you into your bedchamber, kicking the door shut behind him. He’s lean but wiry, all muscle, and when you fight him—although you both know you want him to win—it is in vain. He tugs your hair out of its braid and hauls you across the room, pushes you down on the bed, rips off his coat and tunic and then follows you onto the mattress. You clamber away until you hit the headboard, your spine flat against the wood. As he closes in on you, your palm cracks across the blind side of Aemond’s face, and he grins. You have often thought that it should have been reversed, you wed to Aegon and Aemond to Helaena. You would not be so scandalized by Aegon’s vices; Aemond would be chivalrous with a meek, compliant wife. But alas, Helaena was born first, and the arrangement was set in stone long before any of your natures became apparent.
Aemond unfastens your robe and reaches under your nightgown of white cotton. “Open your legs.”
“No.” It is always this way with him; it always has been. You fight and he vanquishes, and both of you enjoy it.
He forces your thighs apart and you moan, the resistance bleeding out of you, you muscles going soft and yielding, Aemond radiant with this clandestine conquest on a night when nothing else is under his control. He can only love you when you’re tamed and tractable. Sometimes you think he likes that you don’t have a dragon, that your egg never hatched, that all of the unclaimed beasts denied you. You will always be vulnerable, powerless, at his mercy.
You cling to Aemond, your arms around his neck. He knows exactly what you need because you’ve already done this, more times than either of you could count: everything besides what could get you pregnant, and not just because Aemond would rather slit his own throat than have bastards like Rhaenyra’s. It’s something you’re both saving until at last you are married, and no one except The Stranger can separate you.
You gasp and Aemond growls through your hair: “Shh. Hurry up.”
“I missed you.”
“I know.” He doesn’t have to say it back; if he hadn’t missed you, he wouldn’t be here right now, two fingers buried to the knuckles and the heel of his hand grinding against you, almost, almost, almost…
The bedchamber door bangs opens, and Aegon saunters in with a goblet of wine, emeralds gleaming on the rim.
“Stop,” you tell Aemond, but he knows you don’t mean it, not really; beneath your nightgown his hand works faster, more roughly. You sigh and kiss him, deep and messy, surrendering, very close.
Aegon takes a swig of wine, licks the stray drops from his lips, and frowns down at you both, slightly intrigued but mostly nauseated. He cannot fathom a hunger for his own.
Aemond looks to him and says casually: “Do you want something?”
“I do, actually,” Aegon replies. “Were you planning to thank me?”
“Thank you for what?”
“For what I did for you in the council chamber, obviously. For the feast.”
“I’ll consider it.”
“Thank you, Aegon,” you say, and you are sincere.
Aegon raises his goblet in a mock toast. “That’s very kind, Red, but I wasn’t asking you.”
You whimper against Aemond’s throat, embarrassed but in ecstasy, not able to hold off much longer. “Aemond, just thank him.”
“Well I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment.”
“That’s okay,” Aegon says. “I can wait.” He sits at the end of the bed, then bounces up and down a few times. “Oh, this is a great mattress! Very soft, like sleeping on a cloud! Why isn’t mine this nice?”
“Probably because you’ve ejaculated all over it five thousand times,” Aemond says.
“Oh, right,” Aegon jests. “Not quite that frequently, I think.”
“Aemond,” you plead breathlessly. “Just say thank you. Get rid of him.”
Aemond sighs and, with his hand still beneath your nightgown, turns to Aegon. “Thank you.”
Aegon smirks, mischievous. “And how will you repay me?”
“By overcompensating for your shortcomings in order to ensure the enduring success of our family, as I have done since birth.”
“Of course,” Aegon says, though a bit distantly.
Aemond glances down at you and then asks his brother: “Were you hoping to join us?” It’s not a serious question; if Aegon ever tried to touch you with genuine desire, Aemond would break both his arms. Fortunately, Aegon is the closest thing you’ll ever have to a real brother, and thus his limbs are safe.
Aegon chuckles and stands. “No, this is a bit unsavory, even for my taste.” He gulps the last of his wine and says as he leaves: “Enjoy, freaks.”
“Bye, Aegon,” you call, laughing. He waves and then closes the door behind him.
Seconds later—twenty, thirty, time evaporates like mist burned away at dawn—Aemond is making you come, and then you are yanking off his trousers and taking him in your mouth, and when you do this he always has to be touching you, smoothing back your hair, telling you how well you’re doing, and even though he warns you so you can pull away if you choose to, tonight you swallow every last drop of him and think of the sea that Lucerys Velaryon’s scraps tumbled into, the mineral bite of salt and metal and blood.
But when he finishes, Aemond doesn’t collapse like a dead man as he usually does. He throws you onto your back, licks and nuzzles his way down your breasts and belly, parts your legs and murmurs against the inside of your thigh before he begins again: “I want you, I want you, I want you, I can’t wait much longer.”
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s one of your earliest memories. You are in the garden, and it’s a blazing hot day, and a million varieties of blooms cut through the greenery: goldenrods, orchids, lilies, irises, daisies, bellflowers, red roses, blue forget-me-nots. Butterflies whirl in the air and land on Helaena’s outstretched fingertips. Grandsire is slapping Aegon and calling him an imbecile for trying to pet a bumblebee, and Aegon is wailing: But it’s fuzzy! Why can’t I hold it?!
You must not be very steady on your feet yet, because Aemond is pulling you up by both of your hands and asking: If I ran, do you think you could catch me?
Yes, you had said, and then you’d staggered after him as he darted into the foliage. Under the shade of blossoms and shrubs that towered so much taller than you, you tripped and fell and scraped your palms, one of them bleeding from striking a pebble. You cried out, but no one was there to pick you up: no Mother, no Criston, no Helaena or Aegon. You wept pitifully, thinking—as children do—that you would be lost forever, that you would never see your family again.
But Aemond came back for you, and he studied your bloodied palm, carefully plucking out every grain of brown soil; and then he kissed it, held it against his cheek, painted himself with the scarlet ink of your arteries and veins.
See? he had said, smiling so you knew everything would be okay. Now we’re both red.
~~~~~~~~~~
“How are the babies?” Aemond asks when he arrives, dressed for the feast in a green tunic embroidered with shimmering gold threads in the shapes of dragons, flying, shrieking, breathing fire. Helaena made it for him, of course. Each of you have wardrobes full of garments she’s sewn, a collection of Aegon’s woodcarvings scattered around your rooms, seashell mosaics hanging from walls: insects for Helaena, Sunfyre for Aegon, heroes from myths for Aemond.
You grin over your shoulder. “Come see them.”
It’s dusk now, so they are leaving the roost you keep in one corner of your bedchamber, covered with dark velvet to blot out light and sound as they slumber. Aemond kneels beside you and holds out his hand so River can scurry from your palm into his, clawing with his hooklike appendages. All of your bats are named after blue things—Blueberry, Sailfish, Clear Sky, Bluejay, Misty, Dragonfly, Lagoon, Lightning, Kingfisher—just as Aemond’s hawks and war horses are given names like Fox and Rusty and Cherry and Pomegranate. He is the only one who defends your pets when Mother threatens to banish them back to the Godswood or the seaside cliffs. You have no dragon; you must find solace with some other creature that inspires dread and revulsion. But you think they’re beautiful, and strange, and fearless, and wrongly unloved.
“Let’s move things along,” Aegon says as he appears in the doorway, wearing all green except for the Conqueror’s crown. “No one can dig into the roast boar until the guest of honor enters the Great Hall. So I need Aemond to show up immediately.”
“Almost ready,” Aemond replies without looking away from River, who is now scrambling up his forearm. Lighting takes flight and attempts to land on Aegon’s shoulder; Aegon yelps and flings him away.
“No, you can’t!” you say, rushing across the room to scoop up Lightning and cradle him in your arms. Fortunately, he is unharmed. “I told you, Aegon. They have tiny bones, you have to be gentle or you’ll hurt them.”
Aegon shudders. “They’re fucking disgusting. Rats with wings.”
Aemond sets River on the windowsill, goes to his brother, shoves him hard; Aegon’s back hits the wall. His crown is knocked from his head and clatters against the floor.
“I’m not apologizing,” Aegon insists. “I’m a victim of grave injustice. I was attacked. That thing could have bitten me.”
You say to Aemond in High Valyrian: “Should we do this for a while to annoy him?”
Aemond smiles. “Yes. We should talk a lot. A great amount, we should talk. Very much talking.”
“Hey, hey, stop that,” Aegon says.
“Aemond, what else will they serve besides boar?”
“I heard something about pies.”
“What kinds of pies?”
“Who knows. Maybe apple, or cherry, or plum…”
“Oh, I adore apple pies. Perfect for autumn. I could eat them all day.”
“I could eat you all day.”
“Don’t tease me, or we’ll never make it to the feast.”
Aegon is distressed. “I mean it! Stop!”
“They aren’t saying anything important,” Helaena assures him as she swishes into your bedchamber wearing a butter yellow gown. In her hair are gold pins shaped like ladybugs.
“Okay, but what are they talking about?”
Helaena says matter-of-factly: “Sex and pastries.”
Aegon groans and rolls his eyes. “Why did I ask. Okay, time to go.”
You walk together to the Great Hall, where Helaena and Jaehaera and Grandsire will dance in the center of the floor, and you and Aemond will whisper in shadowy corners, and Mother will peer around worriedly with her large watery eyes as Criston yearns to console her, and Aegon will smile patiently and never scold Jaehaerys when he gets underfoot or spills his pomegranate juice.
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s another game, or maybe it’s a ritual; you are a little girl again, and every once in a while, without any warning, Aemond will shove you into a closet or a heavy wooden trunk and lock you inside. You will scream and pound on the door, but no one will hear, and you will spend what feels like hours alone in the darkness, wondering if this will be the time when you are not discovered until you have died of thirst and hunger, until there is nothing left but bones.
Then you hear approaching footsteps and Aemond lets you out, and when you strike and scratch at him he embraces you fiercely, like he’s a soldier who’s been away for a year or more; and he holds you until you stop fighting it and your heartbeat goes quiet in your chest.
#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen#aemond x you#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond x reader#aemond x y/n#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x y/n
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Currently working on my own fix-it fic but man this shit is harder than I thought it'd be- I keep crying and then getting distracted reading other fix-it fics. Thought I'd share this snippet to hopefully motivate myself to keep going???
Hen was starting to wonder if maybe Tommy was out for a run when she heard a faint ‘oh shit’ from inside the house. She banged on the door again. “Come on Kinard! I know you’re in there!” She called out. If Tommy’s neighbors thought she was crazy, oh well, too bad. Hen really didn’t care.
Finally the door was opened by Tommy. His hair was a mess- sticking up as though he’d been running his hands through it far too much-, he had deep dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, his eyes were puffy from crying, and frankly, he looked like shit. “What do you want, Hen?” Tommy rasped. Whether his voice was hoarse due to dehydration or yelling and/or crying was unclear.
“To talk about what happened last night.” Hen crossed her arms.
“You mean you’re here to yell at me for what I did?" Tommy guessed. He hadn't forgotten the thinly veiled shovel talk from Hen and Karen months back at the medal ceremony- he wasn't surprised Hen was here now. “Trust me I hate myself for it enough. There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already thought about myself.”
“No. I’m here to try and understand what even happened. According to Eddie, Buck wasn’t making very much sense last night. Eddie would’ve come himself to check on you but he’s got Buck right now. Eddie’s worried about you and frankly, I am too.”
Tommy sighed deeply and stepped aside to let Hen into the house.
Soon they were sitting at Tommy’s kitchen table with mugs of coffee in hand.
“So are you gonna tell me what happened or are you just gonna keep having that staring contest with your coffee?” Hen questioned.
“He asked me to move in with him.” Tommy admitted quietly.
“Okay,” Hen said slowly, waiting for Tommy to explain further why he was upset by it. Beyond the obvious matter of Buck leasing his loft apartment and Tommy owning his house, Hen wasn’t sure what the issue was.
“For a split second, I thought about saying yes.” Tommy confessed. “Then I returned to reality and realized I had to end it.”
“But why?” Hen questioned.
“Even if it was only for a second, Hen, I was ready to, what? Sell my house and more than half my stuff to move in with him? I’m not even mad about that part- I’m upset with myself for considering it. I’ve been in Evan’s position before, first gay relationship, lovesick, you think it’s gonna last forever. And I’ve been the first for guys before too. Like I told Evan last night, I know how it ends. And I guess I’d rather break my own heart than wait around for Evan to do it.”
“If you’ve been so sure all this time that it could never work, why did it take until now for you to call things off?” Hen questioned.
“I think from the start I knew I was playing with fire. After the last guy I was a first for, I told myself I wasn’t going to do it anymore. Then I met Evan, and he was just so magnetic, I couldn’t stay away even if I wanted to. I couldn't say no to him. I think I always knew my heart would get broken, and I guess I was okay with that all this time, until last night when I realized I love him, and I knew I had to cut myself off before I reached a point of no return.” Tommy explained. “I mean, I’m a fucking a mess right now and I was the one who called it off. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to survive him ending it.”
“Did you really just figure out last night that you love him?” Hen asked.
“I guess I sorta loved him from the start but last night was different, Hen. I’m in love with him, like well and truly love him, in a way I’ve never felt before, about anyone.” Tears filled Tommy’s eyes. “And I’m just his first. And as badly as I want it, I know I don’t get to be his last.”
“What makes you so sure you can’t be his last?” Hen wondered.
“Because I’m not the forever guy." Tommy shrugged slightly as a tear finally escaped and slid down his cheek. "At best I’m the close-to-but-never-quite-enough guy."
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‼️This post is part of a choose your own adventure series and is not meant to be read stand-alone. Click HERE to go to the masterlist and Chapter beginnings‼️
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Ask if he's ok
Chapter 2
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Your concern wins you over and you pull back from the kiss. As you pull away Josh lets out a small groan and reaches up to try and kiss you again. You laugh and gently place a hand on his mouth. “Josh, wait, are you doing ok?”
He groans “Y/n no offense but we are not a one night stand who just met each other, we don’t have to do the whole get to know you thing.” he mumbles from behind your hand.
You grin for a moment before your face goes back to serious. “No I mean, with all the guys being here, and I guess… just being here in general.” You remove your hand from his mouth.
His face falls and he moves to sit up, scooting back so his back rests against the headboard and pulling your body with him so you remain on his lap. “Look y/n, in all honesty it freaks me out a bit, I miss them but more than anything I’m happy they all came up here, happy you're here.” He trails a hand down your face and you lean into it. You know there’s more, but you also know these next few days aren’t the time to interrogate him about it.
“Ok,” You whisper and move your face to press a kiss to his hand “Ok, anything you need I’m here”
He smiles at you and hugs you close to him.
Suddenly you hear a noise from outside the room. Josh groans “Someone definitely just broke something, fuck.” He moves you off his lap gently, stands and starts to walk to the door while you remain sitting on the bed.
“Hey,” he turns to your voice, “what if… we just stay here tonight? I mean tension in the group is still running high, there’s a good chance everyone else will stay split off or just go to sleep. We could make hot chocolate and popcorn? Watch a movie? I got a few of those horror films you like downloaded on my computer? It’ll be fun!” You know at this point you're rambling but you can see his face softening the more you talk.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” He briskly walks over to you so he can plant a dramatic kiss on your forehead. When he looks at you again there’s a huge smile plastered across his face. “I’ll check on everyone else and get the food and you can stay here, pulling up that movie, and just stay looking pretty for me which shouldn’t be too hard cause you always are.” He winks and you roll your eyes. “I’ll be no more than an hour, maybe get some rest, it’ll be a long night.” He says the last part while walking out the door in a sing-songy voice.
You smile before remembering something from earlier. “And you know Chris told me about that snow angels comment from earlier.” He leaned back in the room, his interest peaked. “That will not be happening.”
Josh lets out a laugh as he closes the door behind him.
The door closes behind him and you lay back onto the soft pillows, he’s right, a nap would be nice right about now. You close your eyes and let sleep overtake you.
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End of Chapter 2
You got: Ending #4
Chapter 3: Beginning #4 (coming soon!)
OBaC Masterlist
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I like to think if you were actually playing the game this would be the choice that would increase your relationship with Josh the most.
For anyone confused when this takes place it’s around the time Mike and Jess are walking to the cabin, and before Josh goes with Chris and Ashley. Sam failing to turn the heater on alone was the noise.
#until dawn#until dawn x reader#josh washington x you#josh washington x reader#interactive story#interactive fiction#interactive novel#ashley brown#ashley until dawn#chris hartley#chris until dawn#emily davis#emily until dawn#jessica riley#jessica until dawn#josh washington#josh until dawn#matt taylor#matt until dawn#mike munroe#mike until dawn#sam giddings#sam until dawn#hannah washington#hannah until dawn#beth washington#beth until dawn#choose your own adventure#wendigo#of butterflies and consequences
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"to be loved is to be remembered" - a mini series by @cosmicalily. view series masterlist, and outline here
2. semantic memory | yang jeongin x fem!reader
semantic memory: a type of explicit memory that is categorised as general knowledge and information accumulated throughout an individual’s life.
author's note: oh, i missed writing for jeongin!! i was going to revert to my typical best friends to lovers but i decided to change it up (barely) and do roommates instead last minute! thank you for all the love on my seungmin fic, i hope you enjoy this one too!
Yang Jeongin was a good roommate.
He was reasonably quiet, but not uncomfortably so. He didn’t talk all the time, but he still joked around with you. He was clean and organised, but not meticulous or irritating about it. He did things without you asking; washed the dishes when you were staying up late to work on assignment, ordered you a Caesar salad and fries whenever he got takeout from his favourite Italian place, and always took whatever laundry you had with him when he went to wash his clothes.
When you went grocery shopping, you knew his favourite beer and ramyeon, and would always buy them for him. When you watered your plants, you’d always water his too, the ones he kept along the windowsill of his bedroom and on the balcony.
And apparently, when the air conditioning in his bedroom broke in the middle of summer, you’d let him temporarily move into your room. Or at least, that’s what you’d just told him.
“Really? Are you sure?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “You don’t have to. I’m sure I can find a fan or something.”
You nodded. “Yeah, I don’t mind. Honestly. I don’t do a lot of sleeping during the night anyway.”
“You’re always studying,” Jeongin rolled his eyes playfully.
“And you’re never studying, yet you somehow do so well in your classes. It pisses me off,” you groaned, giving him a light shove. “Anyway, you get the floor. Do you want some help migrating?”
The two of you dragged his mattress into your bedroom, out of breath and panting by the time it had been very unprettily dumped on your floor. He made the bed up with clean sheets, and offered to change yours as well. You thanked him, and told him you’d start making dinner.
When you’d finished, you called him, and he came out of your bedroom, shirt off, hair a little tousled. Your cheeks flushed pink and he raised an eyebrow at you in confusion.
“You look…nice,” you said awkwardly, handing him a beer.
“Thanks?” he chuckled, mouth full of rice.
You sighed dramatically. “Most boys would return the compliment,” you shook your head as you opened your bottle of peach soju.
“You always look nice. I tell you that all the time,” Jeongin replied, fumbling with the remote. “What show?”
“Brooklyn 99. And I always think you’re being sarcastic.”
“We always watch fucking Brooklyn 99. And no, I’m not. I thought that was obvious.”
“Because it’s the best show! And it’s not that obvious, not to me!” You protested.
Jeongin put his beer down and turned to you. “I’m so confused, why are we having two conversations at once?”
“You were the one who asked me two things.”
Jeongin pressed play on the episode. “One of them was a statement, the other was a question. You do always look nice. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m not a dickhead.”
“Some would argue that,” you giggled, and he gave you a gentle shove.
“Some would argue you’re a bitch,” Jeongin sighed. “But I put up with you.”
“Because you think I’m pretty?” you teased.
“Because of the rent,” he corrected. “How am I supposed to afford my own place in this economy? Although you’re a bonus, I suppose. Even if I have to watch Brooklyn 99 all the time and change your sheets.”
You kicked his shin. “You offered!”
He grabbed your leg with his hand and shifted it back into place, leaving his hand resting on your thigh. “Shut up. I’m trying to watch.”
“I thought you hated-” you laughed.
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Jeongin groaned, and he pinned you to the floor, tickling you until the two of you collapsed in a laughing heap, the show still running, dinner half eaten, drinks long forgotten.
The one thing you’d failed to mention to Jeongin was your habit of falling off the bed during the night. You were a professional tosser and turner, and that often ended up with you snapping out of your dreams face-down on the wooden floor, bruises littering your hips, knees and any other joint that was lucky enough to be the first to break your fall.
When you woke up, you were mortified to find yourself not on exposed hardwood, but on a mattress. With someone else, who was staring at you curiously.
“Fuck!” you groaned, shoving your face into the sheets. “I’m sorry. When did I end up here?”
Jeongin checked his phone. “Maybe 4 am? I don’t know, I didn’t notice until I rolled over and somebody’s face was in front of mine.”
“What’s the time now?”
“Just past 7.”
You rolled over and stared at the ceiling. “I should get up then.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jeongin agreed, but neither of you made any attempt to move.
You looked around your room, interested in your lower perspective. It still looked empty, too similar to when you’d first moved in. You’d been so caught up in studying and seeing your friends that you had forgotten to properly decorate your room.
“Your room’s boring,” Jeongin commented, as if reading your mind.
“Rude. But you’re right,” you agreed. “Maybe during the summer I’ll decorate it. Buy some posters, maybe find some new furniture on Facebook Marketplace.”
Jeongin nodded in approval. “I can help, if you want.”
“How can I trust that you’ll pick good home decor?” you rolled to face him, squinting.
“I know your taste, I’ve been living with you a year now,” Jeongin replied, scrolling through his phone. “Trust me, I don’t think I’ve forgotten a single thing about you.”
You chuckled. “Aw, do you have one of those lists with all my favourite things or something?”
“Nope. It’s all in here,” he tapped the side of his head, smiling playfully.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Do you want me to prove it?” he asked, turning to face you, eyes serious.
“Okay, then I’ll do the same,” you agreed.
Jeongin ran a hand through his hair and set his phone down. “Your favourite fruits are peaches, but nectarines come a close second. If stone fruits aren’t in season, you’ll settle for citrus. You’re prescribed an iron supplement, but you never take it, because you say it tastes like metal. Your favourite colour is pale blue, but it didn’t match the personal colour analysis that app gave you and you’ve been angry about it ever since. You drink with your friends, but don’t like getting drunk while you’re out since you have a fear of being kidnapped. You haven’t had a boyfriend since 12th grade, and you’re secretly in love with me,” he finished, eyes sparkling with mischief.
You rolled your eyes at his final statement. “Alright, Yang Jeongin. You’re the youngest in your friendship group but hate being babied, and you wanted to be a primary school teacher growing up. Your favourite colour is green, and you can fit a whole slice of pizza in your mouth. You can actually sing decently well, but never do, and you actually love Brooklyn 99 more than I do. You love buying clothes, and your favourite place to do so is the vintage shop down the road, where you spend all of your time and all of your money. And, above all, you get no bitches.”
“Don’t you classify as a bitch?” He laughed. “You did well, though. Everything you said was right.”
“You were right too,” you sighed. “I really thought you were going to say something insanely stupid that I could tease you for.”
Jeongin raised an eyebrow. “Did you forget that last statement?”
You ignored him. “I genuinely can’t believe you know that much about me. Fuck, I have to hide more about myself. I hate being perceived.”
Jeongin chuckled in amusement. “I pay attention. It’s weird hearing everything someone knows about you all at once. What am I supposed to do with that information?”
“I think we have to make out now,” you said casually.
He nodded, unsurprised. “I think we do.”
You shuffled closer, and he moved to lie above you, weight on his elbows. His eyes glittered, and his cheeks were tinged with peach. You smiled up at him, face warm and tingling. He leaned in, pressing his lips against yours softly, and you sighed into his mouth at the feeling. You moved your hands to cup his cheeks, deepening the kiss, pulling apart when you both lost your breath.
“You were right,” you panted, lips swollen.
“About?”
“Me being secretly in love with you.”
He smiled. “Well, you were wrong. About me getting no bitches. It wouldn’t be presumptuous to assume you’re my bitch, considering the fact that we just kissed?”
“I won’t be for long if you keep calling me that. It’s girlfriend to you now,” you giggled, and he wrapped an arm around your torso, pulling you tight onto his chest.
#stray kids#kpop#skz#stray kids x reader#skz fic#stray kids fic#stray kids fluff#jeongin x reader#yang jeongin stray kids#skz jeongin x reader#jeongin fic#skz jeongin fic#stray kids jeongin fic#jeongin fluff#jeongin x you#jeongin x y/n#jeongin skz#yang jeongin skz#jeongin fluff fic#bangchan#lee know#changbin#hyunjin#han jisung#felix skz#seungmin#jeongin#jeongin x reader fic#jeongin oneshot#jeongin imagine
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♡ Jaguar Hybrid Abigail And Her Darling Sister ♡
Hybrids weren't very nurturing to their young, especially the young that seemed any level of skilled in combat so of course you had not seen your sister since you were very young, Abigail had kicked the asses of every single member of your pack before being sent out in to the wild so she couldn't dream of challenging the pack leader and although it had devastated you since you'd been abnormally attached to her, it was just the way the world worked, beyond that family couldn't stay together forever, both of you would have split up either way to go find mates of your own one day, like you found yourself doing now. You'd come of age so it was your turn to leave, never to return, this would have been sadder if there had been anyone in the pack you truly cared about but your main focus really was just Abigail and with her having been gone for years it had been somewhat easy to leave though you were somewhat frightened. You weren't the most jaguar like in your pack, that had once again been Abigail, she was an excellent hunter and moved and killed with such precision, you likely wouldn't last long if you didn't find a mate of your own soon but you really didn't get along with other jaguar hybrids, they were too pushy, when your big sister did it, it was charming but when others did it you just felt unsafe. You didn't have to be outside alone for too long though because the moment you closed your eyes to sleep that night you felt someone settle in besides you, their bulky arms holding you close as you tried not to panic and upset whoever it was.
"Sweetheart, go back to sleep." They grumbled and you sighed a breath of relief as you recognized the voice and smell, your sister was here to protect you, you'd have more time to be careful about who you selected as a mate now since you wouldn't be completely alone and she'd be able to ward off anyone unsuitable. You weren't sure if she had already found her own mate, the thought made you somewhat sad, or how on earth someone like her hadn't found anyone already but that was a concern for the morning so you allowed yourself to drift off to sleep in her arms, unaware of the tongue bath she gave you in your sleep to ward off unwanted suitors.
"Good morning Abby!" You turned around in her arms to poke her face causing her to grumble, her grip tightening. "Come on, we have to get up!"
"Sweetheart, you need rest, this is barely your second day after leaving home." How did she know that? You hadn't left on your birthday like most did, you left a few weeks later, she wouldn't have known unless she'd been in the area when it happened or something but you didn't know why she would just lurk around where your pack lived. Well that really didn't matter, even if she had been lurking, she was kind, you highly doubt she would have done it for weird reasons.
"You should let me help, since you don't have a mate yet to cook for you after you hunt." She let out a grumble when you said that, stretching and finally standing up. You assumed she didn't like being reminded she had no mate. Her muscles had gotten bigger in the years you hadn't seen her, she'd likely be able to take over any pack she chose at this point. Her future mate was very lucky, you'd have to try hard not to be a burden to her while she was likely still trying to find a mate.
"I'll go hunt and you will stay right here in this exact spot. I'll know if you wandered even an inch from our camp." You nodded, trying to set up a better campfire than the makeshift one you set up last night before she sighed and came over to do that for you as well. "You don't need to cook, my precious kitten shouldn't be around dangerous things, just stay still and wait for me." She said something else but you hadn't hear it.
Hunts were long and while you really did want to sit still and wait you couldn't help but feel a bit bored, in the pack you'd play with the younger hybrids and keep them entertained but there was nothing to do in the small area she said you were allowed to roam, until you heard someone talking to you from the bush.
"Heyyy, was that your mattte?" A head peeked out, a naga, you let out a reflexive hiss, you'd been warned before leaving to never ever agree to be one of their mates because they were dangerous and mean. They were mate snatchers and if one happened to take you or your mate you were never likely going to get them back, you never really believed that to be true but you still felt uneasy around the creature.
"N-no, that was my sister, we're traveling together." You backed further into the camp as the person slithered closer before backing up a little at your discomfort.
"Oh goodddd, you aren't mateddd. I wanted to courtttt you but us naga have a rule against taking those with matesss." You'd never heard that, actually what you'd heard had been the exact opposite but maybe your pack had their facts wrong or maybe this one was just different. You couldn't help but feel swayed at their words. "Don'ttt you wanttt to come with meee? I'll be nicceeee to youuuu."
You nodded your head, slowly following them out of the encampment before you heard a roar and Abigail was there in seconds, ripping the creatures head off, the trance you were under breaking.
"Damnit, if I had known a naga was trying to move in here I wouldn't have left you alone. Damn mate stealers. Are you alright sweetheart?" You nodded timidly, trying not to look at the creature. You had thought it would be nice to travel with Abigail for awhile but you didn't want her to have to worry about you on top of whatever mate she found. This only cemented in your head you needed to go find your own mate soon.
"Abby? Maybe I should leave." You heard a loud growl, she pulled you into her arms tightly, her teeth sinking into your neck in a second.
"Sweetheart, I'm not letting you leave. Get that into your head right now." The mark was already healing like nothing ever happened. Honestly you weren't entirely sure what had happened but you think she just marked you as her mate? That had to be wrong though.
"Did you?-" She cut you off.
"Yes I did mark you as my mate, sweetheart, need more proof you're staying with me?" She took you hand, guiding it to the thin trousers she wore, she was fully erect and when you hand touched it, it pulsed in your hand. Oh. So that was why she hadn't found a mate since you left. Well that was actually perfect, there was no hybrid stronger than your sister anyways.
#yandere oc#yandere lesbian#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere scenarios#yandere asks#tw.incest#my oc abigail#commission
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Breaking Point
Pairing: (Platonic) Uconn wbb team x Manager!Reader
Word count: 1508
My Masterlist :)
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The sun had set hours ago, casting the campus in soft hues of blue and purple as the last traces of daylight slipped away. Inside the UConn basketball facility, the lights were still on, illuminating the court and the offices where the team’s dedicated manager, you, sat hunched over a desk cluttered with schedules, practice plans, and game itineraries. Your fingers flew across your laptop, finalising details for the next week’s practices, making sure every tiny element was in place.
You had been doing this for hours—days, really. Balancing all the responsibilities of being the team’s manager was a full-time job in itself, but you never complained. You loved the team, loved the feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself. Every game plan, every practice schedule was a chance for you to make their lives easier, more organised, to ensure they could focus on playing and winning.
But tonight felt different. Tonight, the weight of everything seemed to press down on your chest a little harder than usual. Your eyes were heavy, your brain foggy from lack of sleep. You couldn’t remember the last time you had taken a real break, the last time you had eaten something that wasn’t a quick snack between tasks.
As you rubbed your temples, trying to push through the mounting exhaustion, you heard footsteps approaching. The team had just finished a late-night practice, and a few of the players—Azzi, Paige, and Aaliyah—walked over, towels draped around their necks, sweat still clinging to their skin.
“Still working?” Paige asked, her tone light but concerned as she glanced at the stack of papers on your desk. “You’ve been at it for hours.”
You forced a smile, though it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Yeah, just trying to make sure everything’s ready for next week. There’s a lot to get done.”
Azzi frowned, her sharp eyes narrowing in on the dark circles under your eyes. “You need to take a break. You’ve been running yourself into the ground lately.”
“I’m fine,” you replied quickly, brushing off their concern. “Really. I just have a few more things to finish, and then I’ll be done.”
Aaliyah stepped closer, her brow furrowed with worry. “You’ve been saying that for days. When was the last time you actually did something for yourself? Ate a real meal? Slept more than a few hours?”
Her words stung a little, not because they were harsh, but because they were true. But there was no time to think about yourself right now. The team needed you. They relied on you to keep everything running smoothly, and you couldn’t let them down.
“I’ll take a break once I’m done,” you muttered, turning back to your laptop, trying to dismiss the conversation.
But Paige wasn’t having it. “Come on, seriously. We appreciate everything you do for us, but you can’t keep going like this. It’s not healthy.”
You felt your pulse quicken at her words, a strange mix of guilt and frustration building up inside you. You knew they were trying to help, but the thought of stepping away, of not getting everything right, sent a wave of anxiety through you.
“I can’t stop right now,” you said, your voice a little sharper than you intended. “I’m almost done, I just need—”
“You need a break,” Azzi cut in firmly, crossing her arms. “You’re not helping anyone if you burn yourself out.”
You shook your head, not trusting yourself to argue anymore without snapping. “I’ll be fine. I just need to finish this.”
The team exchanged worried glances, but reluctantly stepped back, giving you space. They could see you were overwhelmed, but they also knew you were stubborn when it came to taking care of the team. They’d have to try again later.
Once they left, you exhaled, trying to refocus. Your hands trembled slightly as you typed, exhaustion making it harder to concentrate. But you pressed on, determined to get everything perfect. The team depended on you for this, and there was no room for mistakes.
But then, in your haze of exhaustion and stress, something slipped.
You didn’t notice it at first. You finished typing up the practice schedule, sent it off, and leaned back in your chair, rubbing your tired eyes. But as you scrolled back through the document to double-check the details, your heart dropped.
The times were wrong.
The schedule you had just sent out—the one for the entire next week of practice—was completely off. The gym had been booked for the wrong hours, and now it would overlap with another team’s time slot. There was no way to fix it without completely reworking the entire plan, calling the facility to reschedule, contacting the other team…
Panic began to rise in your chest, a suffocating wave of anxiety crashing over you. Your breath hitched, your vision blurring as the weight of everything you’d been holding together started to unravel. You could feel your heartbeat quicken, pounding in your ears. This mistake—it wasn’t something small. It was huge, and it would mess up the team’s entire week of preparation.
You couldn’t let them down like this. Not after everything you’d worked so hard for. Not when they were counting on you.
But your hands wouldn’t stop shaking. You tried to type, tried to fix the mistake, but your fingers fumbled over the keys, and the screen swam in front of you. Tears pricked at your eyes, and you gasped for air, your chest tightening as the panic took hold.
You were spiralling.
Suddenly, a familiar voice cut through the haze. “Hey, what’s going on?”
It was Paige. She must have come back to check on you. Before you could even respond, she was at your side, her eyes widening in alarm as she saw the state you were in.
“Guys! Come here, quick!” Paige called out, and within seconds, Azzi, Aaliyah, and Nika rushed over, their faces filled with concern.
You were shaking, your breaths coming in ragged gasps as you tried to explain what had happened, but the words wouldn’t come out. Your chest felt like it was caving in, and you couldn’t think straight. The room felt too small, too overwhelming.
“I messed up… I messed up everything…” you choked out, tears spilling down your cheeks. “The schedule… it’s all wrong. I’ve ruined everything for the team…”
Paige crouched down beside you, her voice calm but firm. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out, alright? Just breathe.”
Azzi knelt on your other side, her hand gently resting on your back. “You’re not alone in this. We’re here. We’ll fix it together.”
You shook your head, the panic still gripping you tightly. “But I—”
“Shhh,” Aaliyah interrupted softly, crouching in front of you, her voice gentle. “You’ve done so much for us. You don’t have to carry all of this on your own. We’ve got your back, just like you always have ours.”
Nika handed you a water bottle and knelt beside you, her voice soothing. “Take a deep breath, alright? In and out. You’re not going to fix anything by pushing yourself this hard.”
As their words slowly broke through the panic, you focused on their presence—on the warmth of their hands, the softness in their voices. Gradually, your breathing slowed, the tightness in your chest easing as you tried to ground yourself.
Paige gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve been going non-stop for too long. We can handle a mistake. You’re allowed to be human.”
You nodded, your throat tight with emotion. “I just… I didn’t want to let you down.”
Azzi smiled softly, brushing a tear from your cheek. “You could never let us down. You’re the heart of this team, and we need you to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of us.”
Aaliyah nodded in agreement. “Exactly. You’ve been doing more than enough. Let us help you.”
The weight that had been pressing down on your chest finally started to lift as you realised they were right. You didn’t have to be perfect all the time. The team loved you for who you were, not just for what you did for them.
With their support, you slowly stood up, still shaky but feeling a little steadier. Nika handed you a towel to wipe your face, and Paige slung an arm around your shoulders.
“Now, we’re gonna get you out of here,” Paige said firmly. “You’re taking the night off. No arguments.”
Azzi nodded, a playful smile on her lips. “Yeah, we’ll fix the schedule in the morning. Right now, you’re going to rest.”
And for the first time in a long while, you didn’t argue. You let them take care of you, just like you had always taken care of them. You weren’t in this alone, and that realisation brought a sense of relief you hadn’t known you needed.
As they led you out of the gym, you knew you would be okay. You had your team—your family—by your side. And together, you could face anything.
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#uconn wbb#wbb#the judgement day#nika muhl x reader#inês bettencourt x reader#kk arnold x reader#paige bueckers#nika mühl#azzi fudd#azzi x reader
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Alright, here's my addition.
It had started with dreams. Nightmares. Waking up in the dead of the night as a sweaty, terrified mess, clutching the covers, nervous eyes darting around hoping to pierce the gloom. They were senseless at first, filled with intangible feelings of dread and fear. Then faces morphed within the mist, the cat came first, then a pale face with big black button eyes. Then a skeleton hand with painted claws tap tap tapping
‘PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME—I’LL DIE WITHOUT YOU!’
Then the cat again. Watching her with expressionless eyes.
‘What is the other mother?’
‘Nothing. Everything. Something that enjoys playing games,’ it gave her an answer this time.
‘Does she have a name?’
‘Never gave herself one.’
‘Do you have a name?’ Hange asked. She saw the cat’s mouth move, words forming but the world around her had muted. She tried to ask her to repeat but her voice had disappeared. A slow smirk spread upon the cat’s features. And then she fell.
The dreams continued on through lazy summer nights, morphing into clearer pictures of the meadow beside the tennis court. It never showed her the well where she’d disposed of the last bits of the other mother, rather she’d find herself walking around it to a more barren, drier area. And then she would dig.
And wake up, panting. Always.
She never got to see what lay there. Until that night.
***
When the boy had pushed her into the grave, Hange woke up in her room just like she did every other night after a horrible dream. Shaky hands fumbled for her side, pressing, lifting her shirt only to see unmarred skin. She couldn't sleep for the rest of the night.
After that, the nightmares stopped. But she slept uneasily. Her days were spent wandering outside the house, searching for something to keep her mind off things. She didn’t see the cat anywhere either, Hange had already given up looking for it. She even tried to summon it with Mr Bobinsky’s rats but to no avail.
On her fifth dreamless night, Hange was once again woken up by… nothing in particular. Her room was empty, curtains swaying in the open window. She sat up for a better look, trying to pinpoint the disturbance that awoke her. Eyes drifted to the mirror in the corner of her room and she saw the black cat sitting behind her on the windowsill. It watched her with unblinking blue eyes.
‘Hello,’ said Hange. ‘Where have you been all this time?’ Of course she didn’t expect it to speak like it used to in the other world. Hange got out of bed and turned to the sill so she could pick the cat up.
Only there was no cat. The window was empty.
She turned to the mirror and the cat tilted its head to a side and grinned at her, just like the boy had beside her dug-up grave in the dream. Her body froze, she didn’t dare move, eyes fixed on the mirror.
The curtains swelled and danced in the breeze, blocking the cat out of her sight for a second. When they settled back, the mirror reflected a pale boy watching her with an amused expression.
‘Hello Hange,’ he said. A shiver ran down her back, like the caress of death itself. He hoped down and began to approach her in small, leisurely steps. Her feet stumbled, shifted and she twisted back, ready to push him away this time before he could do something. But her room was empty. Eyes back to the mirror and the boy was walking towards her.
She watched helplessly, voice and limbs paralysed, as he stood right behind her. She could see his chest going up and down with rattling breaths but none could be heard or felt on her back. In the mirror he bent down until his mouth was right beside her ear, his eyes were locked onto hers, piercing and cold.
A whisper bleed through the fabric of worlds and she heard, ‘The name’s Levi.’
adventurer and guide
The Cat's fur is soft and glossy, almost shining under the moonlight. He's a tad small, but cute. Hange cocks her head to the side. The world rotates; she can understand it better if she shifts, bends and twists it according to her own perspective. The Cat scrunches his nose at her scornfully, as if looking down at her peculiar behaviour. Hange pays it no mind, she's used to that treatment. "Who are you?" she asks. He doesn't reply, of course, and she doesn't need him to. She already knows the answer. He's her new friend.
#levihan#levihan reblog drabble#I'm loving this au#coraline au#I know it's not that well written but i wanted to store the idea before i lost it#levi ackerman#hange zoe#sunflowersunite 🌻#starshower1215 💫#my writing
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Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting
#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be#(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol)#so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go#i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system#so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol#ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway#maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷♂️ we'll see#I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids#luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like#ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you#so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol#he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive
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Need to watch my favorite movie again sometime soon
#have a dvd at home but im at college rn also my new laptop doesnt have a player#ill have to see if its streaming anywhere ig#pro im gonna be so stereotypical at postgrad w this no 1 movie choice have to take advantage of it now before i become a cliche#also can whoever is blasting music rn stfu its monday night and everyone in the dorm can hear you#let me write my portuguese essay in peace in the middle of the hall bc we have no lounges#its a school night 😭😭😭#godd if i could be sleeping rn i would be ughhhhh but 400 more words to go#she said due on the 14th but technically past midnight#im assuming before class (which is at noon) we need to email it but i could play the incompetence card and say i thought it was by midnight#on the 14th... but then id have to do more tmrw...#ill try to do a bit more ig#i could never pull an all nighter honestly#not that i would for this but i just stop caring once it hits like midnight. which is bad bc i love procrastinating like 27482828 assgmts#til 7 or 8 pm#but my mom taught me to just give up and go to bed and take the F lol. not that my academic weapon ass wld ever do that but i feel the#temptation. what was i saying#SHUT UP THE MUSIC#if i have to move to the stairwell omg its so coldd there#im such a stairwell warrior (wrote all my essays there last year bc that dorm was also loud)
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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daily whistlepaw until ah becomes PoV day 1167
I think I finally understand how people feel when around a crush, can't say I enjoy it
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#this isn't my first crush lol but this one has had me feel the strongest of feelings (and might be my first genuine crush lol)#the fact I have been building up A Lot of stress for the entire week probably didn't help.#and the fact my stomach hurt is also probably at least partially to explain by the fact I barely ate last night#but MAN seeing my (latest) crush in such a pretty dress and then go on stage and play (a goddess!!!!!!! she's a goddess)#(I already bought tickets to go see the full thing; I will die but I will die happy (I hope))#but yeah I struggled for a good 2 hours to fall asleep and also had stomach weirdness happening the next morning#man it was not fun#(and then she came to sit next to me during class and I had to play it cool (I was too deranged on sleep deprivation to really care about#being my typical brand of weird but I do sometimes feel like an idiot around her and feel guilty because then I fear that she finds me#annoying and will hate me and I will fail this again (losing a friendship over a crush once was not that fun lol) and Traumas don't help#either at all so uh I'm just trying to spend time with her I just always feel a bit worried that I'm annoying her and it's consuming my bra#I do also still feel a little guilty about having this crush; internalized homophobia/issues around sexuality are hard to shake off#and while it's very normal and stuff I never dare to go the entire way when my brain conjures fantasies that are a little too risqué#I just feel guilty man I know I shouldn't but still it fucking sucks in my brain#and god talking about this in therapy would be a mess#I might have to eventually but I don't wanna#anyways; wild vent in the tags aside; yay a whis!
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hot blonde woman on bb who i thought maybe this time the hot blonde woman will not flop on me & will be a good player i was soooooo hopeful of course she immediately aligns w the ppl who i do not like & is having group delusions w them abt how they’re the best players in the house when they have no power at all omg i am doomed w these blonde women legit just texted my friend that i will never trust a hot blonde woman on bb again i am DONE…..look at the world’s saddest progression of texts between thursday night & last night 😩
#michelle speaks#let me explain my deep rooted logic to u. see i am very attracted to blonde women it’s my curse#so i would like them to stay for longer so i can stare at them bc they r beautiful#however if they r playing a game i do not like i want them gone which must battle w my lesbianism#yes there are other hot women for me to appreciate. but this is just abt the blondes in particular 😩#i have my other women……..i just want to catch these blonde women like pokemon idk. but it’s like u see her stats & ur like oh. nvm.#idk ive only ever played pokemon go i’m assuming that makes sense as a statement. i’m also very tired#bc i did not sleep a lot last night bc i was watching feeds & i have been trying not to fall asleep since like 6pm#so i will go to sleep now perhaps but i will remain angry that i have witnessed another blonde FLOP. i dont deserve it 😩#i just want a blonde woman i can root for so i dont have to feel bad abt wanting her to stay so i can stare at her…..ok#why must i be cursed to be so into blondes it isn’t fair 😭😭😭 they either flop on bb or are icons and WAY less r icons i’ll say that 😔#anyway i will not post abt bb again i promise i know no one cares 😭 i just wanted to update abt Her
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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IN THE HEIGHTS countdown: 1 DAY!
song for today:
abuela, i’m sorry but i ain’t goin’ back because i’m telling your story and i can say goodbye to you smilin’, i found my island i been on it this whole time i’m home!
#song for today: finale#GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT#we fucking did it y'all!!!#i am leaving tonight!#usnavi is staying in washington heights and i am going to koszalin to see the play#SCREAMING CRYING ETC ETC#i just need to survive this one last day at work and then i'll be on my way#the play is tomorrow but it's literally the other side of poland so i have to get there somehow lol#which probably means i'll be here with all of you all night tonight#unless i'll try to get some sleep on a train#we will see#IT'S FUCKING HAPPENING!!!#i'm the happiest person ever now#btw you can also expect the whole fucking essay after#as i promised#it won't be long now*#Spotify
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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The love/hate relationship with my coworkers is so real lmao like why are they like this
#not snz#I'm just having fun#tho there has been sneezing bc there's so much fucking dust everywhere#I've been at the station for a hot minute#bc most of our guys are still out on fires#so there's just like nobody here#and i like money so I'm vibing with getting paid for being here extra days#but there's just a few of us here rn and we have like nothing to do bc we're hardly getting assignments#so we're just fucking around#and i have like the first responder version of cards against humanity#so we're playing that to kill the time and it's great lmao#but also some of them were asking me random questions#bc apparently the answers and explanations you give say somrthing about you idk#it was some bullshit but we were having fun with it#but the way they were laughing at every single answer i gave like hello#you fucking asked lmao#the nerve tho when they asked for an animal i like and three reasons why#and then said that that's how people view me and scream laughed bc 'it's accurate' like bro fuck off lmao#but i am having a good time like i adore these guys#they drive me crazy but that's my second family right there#plus with all the free time we get I've been trying different recipes and so far no complaints lmao#made a pasta dish tonight that was a big hit bc literally everything was from scratch incuding the noodles#like that's how much time we have lmao#anyway tonight is my last night at the station then i can go home which is a relief#we've all been sleeping on the floor and couches lmao#there are bunkhouses but the women's quarters are unusable so we're all staying in the rec building instead#i told them it was fine and they could stay in the bunkhouse but they were appalled by the suggestion lmao#so we're all vibing rn watching tv and I've literally never felt like I've belonged somewhere more so I'm thriving#anyway I'll probably delete this later I'm just happy rn lmao
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