#was thinking about who i'd include on my list and had to stop and go. charoum zesek senaeal laodikai liro fox andromeda and dremr arent real

[clowndensation]

*makes a smash or pass quiz, but it's all oc's that i've made in video games*

[possesseddesiress]

Suit Up, Switch Off

CONTENT WARNING: This story includes themes of transformation and body control with a suggestive approach. If this type of narrative is not to your liking or you do not meet the recommended age, we suggest you do not continue. All images used (if any) belong to their respective owners. I claim no authorship over them and they are only used for illustrative purposes.

If you decide to go ahead, welcome to Possessed Desires, where mind and body are never completely under your control.

Suit Up, Switch Off

My name is Elliot, I'm about to start college and I've been single all my life.

I don't consider myself very attractive. And I guess that's why, plus I live in a small town lost in nowhere, it's very uncommon for someone to come out as gay in these parts.

Also, I was very nerdy, what's that got to do with it? Almost nothing really, but for as long as I could remember I'd loved superheroes: their muscles bulging in those suits that left nothing to the imagination, the spandex straining to contain those huge biceps, their strength in their pecs... I always wanted to be like that, although it was obviously a dream that never came true.

So I became a fan of hero movies or cosplayers. I loved seeing how the costumes looked on their manicured bodies, the bulges in the right places. And how hot they looked.

I'd had a lot of part-time jobs, mostly to save for college, though the odd bit of money I kept for my tastes. Among them: subscription sites.

I followed various cosplayers who uploaded content to their own pages, modeling their superhero costumes (some in less “everyday” poses), or without much clothing. Even with themes like hypnosis, bondage, and things a bit more... strange.

All of that seemed to feed my fantasies more and more, not because I wanted to be with such people (though I wouldn't complain if that were the case), but I wanted to be them.

Flexing those muscles, that I looked like that in those tight suits.

There was one in particular, though: Jason.

He was quite muscular, his suits fit him perfectly, and he had something in his face... that made him look like a mix between a nerd and an ideal himbo.

And I followed him everywhere, on his social networks, on his private and subscription channels. I was fascinated; that day he was live.

- Hello everyone! - he said with that excited air - I wanted to give you an announcement, rather, two - he smiled - First, how do you like my new Spiderman costume?

He lowered the camera to focus on his muscles, bounced his pecs with a soft laugh and brought the camera back up to his face.

- And, the platform has activated a new feature, I didn't really pay much attention to the email I got but, I have to be honest with you. Debuting this feature had a great payoff, so I decided to go for it! I think it's a "Meet And Greet" or something like that, it was called something like... Be Me. I don't remember the truth if I'm being honest.

He shook his head and typed a couple of things.

- Okay. This makes a list of all those who are subscribed and watching the video, then it will make a draw and... Well, the rest is what I didn't read - he laughed at himself - You just have to allow access to your accounts. Ready?

A roulette appeared on the screen, there were at least four hundred names there, or more. It immediately began to advance, for what felt like hours, until it slowed down little by little. And then stopped to burst into confetti enveloping the winner's name: Elliot Higgins.

- Congratulations, Elliot! - Jason smiled, leaning back in his chair as the suit thundered softly from containing his big, juicy muscles - Just give access to your account and... Well, we'll catch up later, I guess.

Immediately a message appeared on my screen. A huge “Do you accept?” message, there was a privacy notice underneath, but that looked huge. I didn't want to waste any more time, so I automatically selected the option.

The message disappeared and my screen suddenly went black. I thought maybe it was the battery, so I pressed the power button a couple of times to no avail. And when I was about to do it again, it was like feeling an electric charge run through my whole body.

My room was plunged into darkness as I felt strong spasms, my sight was filled with fuzzy colors that looked like wires, static noises and darkness again.

Until something seemed to pull me into the light and I came to myself. I had to blink hard, trying to focus on everything that was spinning around me.

- Shit, my head... - I muttered. I felt heavy, but it wasn't that fat heavy feeling I was used to, it was... very different.

I brought my hand to my forehead to try to ease the pain, but then I felt something against my skin. It was... cloth?

I opened my eyes wider, also feeling a weight on my nose, touched my face, bumping into glasses. But I never wore glasses.

I looked at my hands, now gloved in red and blue cloth with white textured reliefs. And finally, I saw the screen. Jason was there, but it seemed almost like a reflection, every action I did, he replicated it.

- Holy shit! - I smiled taking the camera, totally delighted with my new form - I'm him!

I let out a laugh somewhere between nervous and excited. Starting to feel Jason's muscles through the suit, I could feel how it tensed at the slightest flex.

I could feel my huge biceps, my sensitive pectorals through his reliefs, my fat, fleshy buttocks! I could feel everything, it was all mine now.

I took a closer look at the transmission, which seemed to be going crazy for what was happening. I started reading the comments, there was one in particular that caught my attention:

《 Jason didn't read things right before activating the feature. Be Me is an experimental function that allows two people to switch bodies for a certain amount of time 》

Some people called that subscriber a liar or crazy, but I denied excitedly.

- No, no! Not at all, he's right! I'm not Jason

I let out a laugh again. And the chat went crazy, again.

《 How does it feel to be in it? 》 - I blanched at the question.

- Well... It feels good, I think.

It seemed I was still just as nervous and awkward as my previous body. Though that didn't stop me from weighing and squeezing my pecs like careless.

《 You show us the suit now! 》

My heart was pounding. Jason had a body to die for, yes. But he was one of those kind of content creators who only uploaded his content “half-heartedly”, he didn't show very detailed stuff, he always tried to cover up with his hand below his hip, he didn't show from behind either.

He was just someone who liked to disguise himself... but not so much when other people said “naughty” comments about his body.

I stood still, in shock for a moment.

《 Well? 》 《 Yes, do it!》 《 Show everything! 》 《 I hope this guy isn't a prude too 》

My heart was pounding. However... Wasn't this what I always wished for? I wanted to be this strong. To have those suits like this look on me... To have these huge muscles.

I immediately spread my legs, sitting on the chair and leaning back in a dominant way.

- Not at all. You're coming for this, aren't you? - I flexed my new arms, stroked my pecs and felt my shaft begin to harden. I drew an arrogant expression on my face.

I kept rubbing my pecs until I hit one of my new nipples. A goofy expression formed as I grinned, and I began to pull them harder and more insistently, twisted them and gasped. It hurt a little, but all the pleasure coursed through my body like pure electricity, my feet curling and tensing as I grinned like an idiot.

- Hell... - I stammered.

But that didn't stop me from continuing to stroke myself like a deranged maniac.

My manhood was constantly bumping and rubbing against the suit, even I cupped my spandex pants, grabbing them from side to side to start forming a sort of back-and-forth. Which made me feel even more ecstatic.

- You guys would love to have me like this, wouldn't you?

I raised the camera again to give them an even better view of this body, in all its splendor.

- No filters, no limitations. This is the content they want from me... Just a silly himbo enjoying himself.

I bounced my pecs like balls, I was really loving the feel of every muscle wrapped tightly in the spandex. I also lifted his armpit, letting out a sigh from the sweat.

- Boy, does he stink! - I let out a laugh - apparently our good Jason loves to smell like sweat.

I pressed my face more against my armpit, enjoying the accumulated stench. My hand was rubbing insistently against my bulge. Then it slid down to find the cleft between his buttocks, to which I let out a gasp. I started rubbing the area with my new thick fingers over and over again, my face was flushed.

- Ah, ah! - I grinned like a moron, enjoying the sensation. I peeled my fingers off only to bring them to my nose, smiling even more at the smell of thick sweat. I rubbed my gloved fingers over and over against my nose with a satisfied smile.

- Do you like this new Jason better?

I said inhaling again and again my dumb, stinky, delicious jock scent... I flexed my arms more, I loved the feeling of power, of strength, extremely masculine and hot... And mine alone. A sense of arrogance rose from my loins along with me tool hard against the suit.

- You wish you were me, don't you, losers? - I let out a laugh rubbing the bulge more, feeling how I was about to be done in no time - To have all of this.

I flexed one last time before I felt strings and strands of thick goo coming out, my breathing labored and choppy, I ended up leaning back in the chair.

- Shit...

I closed my eyes. I felt that dizziness again and everything went black, just for an instant. But when I opened my eyes again, I still found Jason's room.

It turned out that "Be Me" had an error rate where people did not return to their original body, but stayed that way. And even better - for me, of course - there was also a tiny percentage that would forget their identity, and fit into their new body.

Just what happened to Jason. He now believed that he was Elliot all his life.

And I fit perfectly into his life. I continued to use the platforms he had for his content, although of course I increased the profits by dropping the prude attitude that old Jason had.

They all wanted this, and that they would get.

Did they want to see my huge, juicy buttocks? Granted.

Did they want to see my stinky feet? Of course, I could even stick them in my mouth just to keep them happy.

I kept working out on his body, making my muscles even bigger. I loved how they showed through the clothes, how tight the sleeves looked and even better, my pecs: fat, firm and round, even the slightest movement made them bounce.

I loved my scent too, it was intoxicating, I would end up exhausted from the gym and would rather go home like that, if it was by bus all the better, so I could spread my legs wide open and lift my armpits to stink all over, hopefully some guy would start sniffing and licking them.

I loved being Jason, every morning getting up and seeing his reflection, feeling the weight of my body, seeing my morning wood and staying for hours until I dropped buckets and buckets.

I also changed much of his closet, I got rid of the baggy, boring t-shirts and pants, replacing them with tops and other tight fitting things. Fuck the old Jason, now I was in control.

I was what I had always wanted, finally I was no longer a loser, now I was muscular, smelly and hot.

- Ready for another video, losers? You better be on your knees and hungry.

----

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you liked it, don't forget to follow it and share it so more people can discover it.

I'm always open to suggestions and ideas, so if you have any fantasy or scenario in mind, let me know in the comments or in messages. See you in the next story... Who knows what body you will occupy this time?

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[vampishnes]

Sanguine Hunger: Called Ourselves Lovers

Chapter one, Chapter two, Chapter three, Chapter four, Chapter five, Chapter six, Chapter seven, Chapter eight, Chapter nine, Chapter ten. Pairings: Bob x FemThunderbolts!ExAvenger!Reader, Platonic!Thunderbolts & Fem!Reader Summary: Figuring out the complexities of a 'relationship'. Tags: No use of ‘Y/N’. Female reader. Slow burn! Found family, 'slice of life', Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Mild Sexual Content, References to Past Trauma Word count: 2.6k A/N: There will be no tag list for this chapter and the next, as they both include sexual content/smut. Also, my asks are now open! If anyone wishes to send a fic request, I'd be more than happy to write it for you! :)

The world had gone soft around the edges, hazy. Your thoughts had dissolved, leaving only the anchoring reality of Bob beneath you, his lips moving in perfect rhythm with your own. You’d shut your eyes again, losing yourself in the numbing feeling of being worshipped. 

And then, of course, your stomach had growled, mortifyingly loud. A breathy laugh escaped Bob, his air ghosting over your tingling lips. Every nerve screamed to pull him back, to taste him again, it took all your strength not to ignore the growl. Instead, you'd found yourself laughing against his shoulder, fingers clenched tightly to the side of his arms. 

“Waffles?”

So now you found yourself shuffling toward the kitchen, Bob at your side with his arm an anchor for your unsteady steps. It was empty, no sign of Walker or Bucky or anyone else who might ask or grill you about your condition and lecture you about rest. You climbed onto a stool at the island, tugging your shorts further over your thighs as you watched Bob move around.

His hair was a complete wreck, curls and waves flattened in places, especially where your fingers had tangled and lingered. You caught yourself smiling, half satisfied of the mess you’d left behind.

He rummaged through the freezer, before peeking back with a familiar box held up. “Frozen waffles okay?”

“Perfect.”

Bob moved smoothly, opening cabinets as he looked for plates and syrup. You watched his hands, the relaxed way he carried himself. Like this domesticity could be forever. He turned to you, plate in hand, a soft smile on his lips as he stepped closer. “Bon appétit.” 

You reached out, but instead of handing you the plate, he leaned in and kissed you again, gentle. You kissed him back without hesitation, sinking into it with a hand placed behind his head. 

“Finally.”

You didn’t need to turn to recognize it was Yelena. She leaned casually in the doorway, one brow raised and a cup of, presumably, coffee in hand. Her expression said she’d been waiting for this moment for some time and was not above gloating.

“I thought I was going to have to lock you both in a closet,” she said, crossing the room. 

You sighed and took a bite of waffle instead. “Good morning.” 

Yelena grinned as she sat on the stool beside you. “Don’t expect me to act surprised.” 

You rolled your eyes, chewing one waffle piece while drowning another in an absurd amount of syrup. You knew Yelena well enough; she wouldn’t tell-all to the rest of the Thunderbolts about you and Bob. If not for your sake, then definitely for Bob’s. 

Bob fidgeted with the hem of his jumper sleeve. He must’ve been thinking the same thing you were, yet his expression held something more. Pride, perhaps? Pride that he’d won you at all, and that now, someone else knew. 

Yelena took a slow sip of her coffee, her eyes flickering between you and Bob. “Ugh, you two are so sappy.” she said, gesturing towards his face with her mug. 

Bob’s cheeks flushed slightly, but the warmth in his eyes didn't fade. He stopped fidgeting with his sleeve, instead he let his hand rest on the counter near yours, his pinky brushing the side of your hand. 

Hiding whatever this was between you and Bob felt utterly pointless. Bucky had already caught on, and apparently, so had Yelena. You wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the team were just waiting for you two to slap a label on it.

A label. The thought hit you. You’d confessed and kissed, sure. But you could do that with anyone. Did he want to be your boyfriend? You shook your head—too juvenile. Partner? Lover? Friends who kiss? The options circled, each creating a dozen questions you desperately wanted to ask. But you’d rather take a flamethrower to the spine again than have that conversation in front of Yelena.

Something churned within you, a sense of uncertainty. The thought that maybe everything was moving too fast and that Yelena knowing was actually a terrible idea. You dropped the last syrupy piece of waffle back on your plate, suddenly not hungry. The stool's hard surface became intolerable beneath you; you had to leave.

“I think I need some fresh air.” 

You slid off the stool, a little too quickly and the soreness hit you immediately. It felt the sharpest at your ribs, but that pain dragged all the way down to your legs. Bob walked around the island to you, his hand behind your back, ready to catch you if your knees gave out again.

“I’ve got it,” you muttered, sending a quick goodbye to Yelena, who had already gone to sipping from her mug and scrolling her phone, the only indication of her knowing what you were feeling being her raised eyebrow. 

The walk to the elevator was slow as you moved together in a steady rhythm. His hand never left your lower back. When you reached the elevator and got in, you leaned your shoulder against the wall. You were already worn out, your breath coming out fast and shallow from just that short walk.

When the elevator doors finally opened to the roof, the cool, clean air felt like a balm on your worn skin. You stepped out together into the open space where stacks of boxes and supplies for the garden sat.

Heat radiated from the concrete under the morning sun, carrying its sharp, dusty smell. Moving carefully, your boots scraped against the rooftop floor, every step pulled at your worn muscles, but you pushed it aside. It wouldn’t hold you back, not now.

Bob stayed beside you, his hand slipped away, like he was giving you the space to breathe while staying close enough to catch you if you stumbled. You walked closer to the boxes, scanning all their contents. The supplies had been delivered just as promised: there were rows of planters still sealed in plastic, toolboxes with shiny new trowels and gloves. 

Your hand paused near one of the planters, and let your fingers trail along its edge. It was cold to the touch, untouched by the sun’s full warmth. 

You sat down slowly on one of the soil bags sprawled on the floor, its uneven surface surprisingly forgiving against your weight. Bob settled beside you, elbows on his knees, while his eyes stayed on the skyline.

Neither of you spoke, instead you just listened. Listened to the hum of traffic below, the high whine of a distant siren, the rustle of wind catching on the edge of the Tower. 

You rested your face in the palm of your hands and glanced beside you. “It’s quieter than I expected.” You felt a gust of wind travel through the holes in your shorts and suppressed a shiver. 

Bob nodded, his gaze fixed on the horizon. “I like it up here.”

You followed his gaze for a moment, but the sun pulled you instead—tilting your face up, you let the warmth brush your skin. “Sorry I left like that.”

He glanced at you. “It’s okay, I get it,” he turned to face you, shoulders shifting. “The kiss…Yelena…It’s a lot.”

“A good lot or a bad lot?”

“Good.”

The uncertainty bled in again, like it always did when things felt too good. You turned to face him fully, chewing on the question that had haunted you since his fingers laced with yours in the kitchen. “Do you want something more?”

It came out fragile, not because you were unsure of him, but because you were unsure of yourself. Because if he said no, you wouldn’t know how to bury the ache.

Bob let out a soft laugh, barely a breath. “It probably sounds dumb, but yeah. I do. I want this.”

Then his voice faltered, and you saw it, what he wasn’t saying.  “It’s just…” he hesitated. “There’s Bucky.”

The wound wasn’t fresh, but it was still tender. You’d felt it even before he said it, the uncertainty in the way his fingers hovered near yours before the kiss, the way he watched you like you might still yearn for someone else.

You took a long, slow breath. “Buck’s someone I’ll always care about. He was there when no one else was, but for a long time, I think I mistook that for something else.”

You looked down at your hands, then back up to him. “I do love him,” you said. “But not like this. It’s not the same feeling I have for you.”

“I’ve never really done this before.”

“Never?”

He shrugged, a little embarrassed. “Not in a way that mattered. Not where I actually showed up for someone, or let them in.”

A breeze stirred, tugging at your hair. Without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand over his. “Me neither.” 

“So… what do we call this?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered. “But I know I want it to last.”

His lips found yours again, soft and asking. This time, you didn't just feel it – you melted into it kiss. And at that moment, the truth settled over you: this was yours.

This space. This quiet, unexpected safety you hadn’t dared to hope for. It was something real, something good, blooming in the middle of your own chaos.

When you finally pulled back, breath just a little uneven, your eyes drifted, drawn by something small. Just this little, ordinary thing. Almost without thinking, you leaned over, and let your fingers brush the papery envelope. 

You pushed yourself up, your knees giving their usual protest, and tore the packet open. Grabbing a small, empty pot, you dug your nails into the bag of soil beside it, tearing it easily. You scooped a handful of the rich earth and filled the pot. Then, with care, placed the seeds on top. 

Wiping your gritty hands on your shorts, you sat on your heels, eyes on the small pot. It looked like nothing. And yet—“Our first flower.”

When you looked up, Bob was already watching you. The blush warming his cheeks wasn’t shyness or embarrassment; it was awe. That look, the quiet understanding of this small thing you'd just started together. It wasn’t just a plant, it wasn’t just soil and seeds.

“Let’s make a deal.”

“A deal?” You asked, trying to pick the remaining dirt from beneath your nails. 

He nodded toward the planter. “Every time we go through something hard. We meet back here.”

The wind stirred again, surprisingly warm against your skin. You managed a small nod. “Deal.”

Later that day, the light in your room had turned golden, the last remnants of sun slowly disappearing behind the earth. You stood at the sink in your ensuite, brushing your teeth in slow, absentminded circles. The steam from your shower still clung to the corners of the mirror, fogging your reflection. Your body ached in places you were now learning to live with, you’d had a few blood transfusions and drunk even more blood bags. 

You spat, rinsed, and leaned against the counter with both hands, letting the cool marble press into your palms. Your thoughts drifted, inevitably, to Bob. The hesitant wonder of his touch, those large hands tracing your skin with restraint, as if he was holding back a tide. 

A soft knock broke your thoughts. You turned toward the door, towel-drying your hands on your sleep shirt. A flicker of heat crept up your neck as you saw a peak under your shirt. To anyone else, it was just pajamas: a simple top, ordinary shorts. But beneath the cotton lay a secret – deep wine-red lace, unworn for years. You were almost surprised you still had them after all this time, they were a little present to yourself. A relic of a different self, bought on a whim, a "just in case," as you bought them and never threw them out.

The bra was delicate lace, its underwire cups wrapped in see through lace, sheer in all the places that drew the eye. Tiny satin bows sat at the base of each slender strap, and a soft ribbon rested at the centre between the cups. 

The matching underwear had the same dark crimson hue, cut in a low-rise silhouette that hugged your hips. 

“Yeah?”

The door opened just a little, and Bob’s voice followed. “Hey. Just wanted to check on you.”

He stepped in without waiting for more permission, though his movements stayed cautious, like he was still measuring what was okay and what wasn’t. He wore sweatpants and a clean hoodie, hair slightly damp from a shower of his own. 

You crossed the room before you could talk yourself out of it, taking his hand and tugging him in further. “Stay tonight?”

He hesitated for only a breath, then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

He kicked off his slippers as you folded back the covers, your pulse drumming. The bed dipped with your weight first, the cool sheets brushing your legs as you settled in. The bed dipped again as Bob followed. 

You turned on your side to face him, elbow bent beneath your head. He mirrored the motion, his fingers idly toying with the edge of the blanket. “So,” you said softly, “this is what couples do at night. They… talk in bed.”

A soft chuckle escaped Bob, his hand slid beneath the covers, searching in the warm shadows. His fingers brushed yours, then laced through them, intertwining slowly. Deliberately, his thumb stroked the sensitive skin of your knuckle. “What do they talk about?” His voice was husky, drawing you closer.

“Sappy things?” Your gaze held his, the playful lilt in your voice covering the sudden hitch in your breath as his thumb continued its gentle path. “Taxes? Vampires or werewolves?”

“Easy, werewolves.” His answer was quick, but his eyes weren't on the debate. They kept drifting down, lingering on your lips as you spoke.

“You’re joking.” 

He laughed again, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “As much as I clearly adore vampires…” His free hand lifted, and the back of his knuckles found the curve of your cheekbone in a feather-light caress. He lingered there, his touch impossibly tender, tracing the line towards your jaw. “…werewolves are objectively cooler.” The words were an afterthought, his focus entirely on the softness of your skin. 

You scoffed, eyes narrowing. “You’re just saying that to provoke me.”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

His hand was still at your jaw, his thumb grazing slowly beneath your chin, but the spark in your eyes shifted. You wriggled under the sheets and poked him lightly in the side with one finger. “You’re lucky I’m not at full strength.”

“Oh no,” he said, mock horror coating his voice. “The vampyra strikes.”

The words barely left his mouth before he moved. In one swift, smooth motion, he rolled on top of you, pressing you down into the mattress with a soft grunt. You squealed as your back hit the sheets, your legs tangling beneath the blanket and wrapping around him. His body hovered just above yours, braced on his forearms, but close—so close. 

He dipped his head and kissed you, soft at first, then deeper. Your hands slid up from his chest to his shoulders, curling into the fabric, pulling him just a little closer. When you shifted beneath him, his breath caught. When you parted, your noses brushed and you felt the rise and fall of his chest against yours.

You reached up, brushing a curl from his forehead, “I want this,” you whispered, “but only if you do.”

“I’ve never wanted anything more.”

[toppamplemousse]

your fic (insane for your ballet fic btw!!) and fic recs are always immaculate is there anything you’re reading now/read recently that you love? wips are welcome too. the lestappen tag especially is booming rn and its hard to find the good stuff

omg YAY (promise last ch of ballet is in the works!) and YES i was just thinking about some fic recs actually. please see below for varying levels of lestappen freak!

beholden to no gods by nicoledilona / @chock-and-bates literally like. one chapter of this and i am a feral barking dog i love nothing more than obsessive pushy desperate max. HOT. (everything this author writes could be included lets be real)

been blooming alone (over you) by hist24jpcs i usually dont care for hanahaki because its too wacky but this.... THIS is something else. its angsty and fiery and theyre hooking up from the start..... its delicious.

and something darker preens, stirs, roars by @larryhaylik could link every fic in their lestappen sundays collection -- each one has such a simple, interesting premise and they're so good. things i would never think of and just done so so well, without being too sickly fluff. huge fan.

the mystery knight by @reythemandalor i read this on the plane and literally couldnt stop smiling and giggling. SUCH a perfect game of thrones au and even though you kinda know where it's going, its SO perfectly executed. max and perceval.... i love them.

your future had a voice (and it spoke like me) by saltshaken one of the BEST! fics i have read in a while. like.... the premise is fantastic. the way the author conveys the different ways other people think and how max "sees"/hears them thinking is so so good. the characterisation of max and charles is just CHEFS KISS. huge rec.

and if this is all i get, then it's enough. by THE_cake couldnt be a fic rec list of mine if there wasnt some sad gut wrenching painful fic! androidcharles develops autonomy. incredible.

are you into it, baby? by narryfavoritejiall for my charlos and lestappen lovers... this is present day charlos with toxic exes lestappen and its PERFECT. like... a charles who is happy with his kind boyfriend carlos but he cannot shake his toxic ex max who's still chasing him...... i wait like a dog for these updates.

end of the line by @eaurouge-sangnoir i mean who would i be if i didn't rec eaurouge-sangnoir.... this fun little "meeting on grindr" fic is hot and steamy and sexting and feminization..... what more could i possibly want

and if you havent already read this banger or perhaps this long winded thirty thousand words of struggling then perhaps..... i'd recommend those also. i have been loving all of these so pls read + support and lmk if u have other thoughts!

[crescenthistory]

Hi sweetest angel❤️it's me again although I already asked for the interpret of your 2k event and I LOVED SO MUCH❗️❗️...maybe can I ask for an Argue too? 🥺

I was going through your event and when I saw the List B and my eyes landed on the prompt 4 Coffee Shop AU I instantly thought of Regulus🤷‍♀️How could anyone blame me?? I love everything you write and if is for Regulus I'm down bad🤭

Anyway congratulations once again my angel❤️You deserve and I'm sure you'll achieve even more cause you just write works of art❗️❗️ I love you so much big hugs❤️

you could probably ask me for anything and i'd give it to ya di — regulus coffee shop au coming right up <33 a bit of a unique take on it, but still

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will ARGUE for prompt 4 "coffee shop au" with regulus black

carina's 2k celebration

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

cw: fem!reader, non-compliant wizarding war, (implied) exes to lovers, hurt/comfort, making up post-war, open ending

wc: 1.1k

If you had told Regulus Black five years ago that he would be working in a muggle coffee shop on the outskirts of Edinburgh, he would have scoffed in your face.

Had you told him ten years ago, he might have burst into tears.

Today, though, all he felt about it was a monotone neutrality about this new reality of his, in addition to a little ache in his heels from standing upright eight hours a day five days a week.

A nagging voice in the back of his head kept murmuring about how that pain is the least of what he can shoulder, but he tried to push it away – not out of disagreement, but exhaustion. Carrying guilt tires out your bones, and Regulus must admit his had already been weary. After the stunt him and his friends pulled with the horcruxes, they were lucky to be alive in the first place. Not to mention to be free, at least as far as the Ministry was concerned.

Though for the time being, his elusive group of reformed purebloods turned war heroes were scattered all over the country as top notch aurors – regretfully including his brother and his brother's friends – hunted down the last of the loyalists. Barty and Evan refused to be separated and were somewhere near Bath, a choice they made during their very last night together, when the friends all got wine drunk and reminisced about their various heists over the past few months. Their sole reasoning was that Bath was a "funny sounding name" and "Bath sounds like Barty trying to say his name after getting his teeth kicked in". Pandora was supposed to be in Wales, but Regulus had a sneaking suspicion she had snuck off to France instead to be with Xeno. Dorcas had simply been unable to separate from Marlene after the war, so the two were happily engaged and hiding in one of the many Potter properties.

Moody – who Regulus still refused to admit he was intimidated by – had stressed that it's not hiding, it's just waiting the storm out.

In his apron and with his hair pulled up with a small silver claw clip, Regulus surely felt as though he was hiding.

The long queue of customers seemed like it was only growing, all the 9-5 employees from the various office buildings around his coffee shop relying solely on Regulus for their morning fix before their first meetings. He was mixing and pouring and adding and shaking, all the while the minutes ticked away. 

Regulus never let his mind drift when he worked like this. Instead he kept it in check between focusing on the tasks and tuning out all the noise. If he started thinking, he might begin wishing and once he began wishing he would never stop.

More than anything, if he began wishing, a longing would fester itself in his chest, a longing he managed to quelch during his horcrux heists and thus had no business reasserting itself in his life. A longing for a certain witch he managed to not say goodbye to twice – once before embarking on the months-long endeavour and now before running off to wait the storm out.

This last time, he might have been able to say goodbye before he left. With the horcruxes it was too dangerous, but now… now he could have waited. If he had tried, Regulus was certain he would have been able to.

Yet, here he was. Without a goodbye and with a pocketful of regret and cowardice. 

He shook his head, cursing beneath his breath as a few strands of his hair fell in his face at the movement, as he tried to get the thoughts out of his head. Focus on the work, he kept telling himself. Turn it all off. He used to be so good at it, but apparently having a “redemption arc”, as Barty kept cheerfully calling it, had made compartmentalisation a bit tougher. 

Regulus never half-assed anything though, not even a temporary barista position he had no intended future within, so it saw the queue dwindling fast despite him being the only one on shift today. 

As he neared the last customer of the first rush hour, Regulus had to take a quick break to fix his hair. He shucked off his gloves to put his hair back up, stubborn strands refusing to stay put. While mid-movement, he turned around to the counter, plastering on his most neutral and polite customer-service smile.

“Good morning, what can I get you?”

As his eyes landed on his customer, Regulus’ entire body froze. Arms in the air, polite smile slowly fading on his lips. The only part of him that moved was his eyes blinking rapidly as they widened.

“Good morning. I’d like to order an apology or two and then maybe a hug, depending on the flavour.” You matched his customer service tone of voice, but you had him pinned beneath your gaze.

Stood before him, was the very witch he had banished from his train of thought earlier, every day, that still somehow managed to sneak in. Except you were very much not a thought as you leaned against the counter, arms crossed defiantly over your chest and an expectant brow raised at him. 

“Amour,” Regulus breathed out. It was a word he hadn’t said aloud since before the war.

“Hi, Regulus.” Your gaze softened despite your hard time; he could see the sadness beneath it. “What are you doing here?”

He let his hair go as his arms fell down to his sides, looking around to ensure there were no more customers waiting. “I could ask you the same question. How did you find me? I’m supposed to be in hiding.”

If you were offended by his questioning in place of greeting, you didn’t let it show, which he was grateful for. There were a hundred thoughts rushing through his head at the minute, and the sound of the creamer didn’t make it any easier to sort through them. 

“I had a word or two with Moody.” You shrugged your right shoulder as if it was no big deal. “Explained that he had no business hiding you from the wrath of your girlfriend, only the loyalists.”

Regulus’ lip quivered a little at that word, and you seemed to catch it because your entire demeanour softened this time. “Girlfriend?” he asked quietly.

“Supposedly,” you amended, but you gave him a small smile. “If I could get that apology I ordered. And maybe a coffee to talk it over.”

Regulus’ eyes were wet and his face twitching as he began losing control over it, but he nodded emphatically. “There’s heaps of both apologies and coffee here.” His attempt at lightheartedness. “I would be happy to serve you.”

Your expression matched what he was sure his looked like – pained and hopeful, bittersweet and in love. “Then I think a chat’s long overdue.”

[skimmingmilk]

Can I pry ur mind for any headcannons u have between the unbreakable bond? Maybe even ones u've yet to include in ur fics?

Ooh, I'd be happy to! I'm just so bad at listing out headcanons without fics to sandwich them in xD I know I have a ton that I haven't had a chance to write about yet, but it's like they're sorted in filing cabinets that only open when a relevant fic needs them, lol.

But let's see…

Tails doesn't actually have a curfew. Sonic will give him a look if he catches him up in the middle of the night, but he's well-aware the kid's a bit of insomniac. As long as it isn't hurting him or putting him in danger by being too sleep-deprived, then Sonic doesn't force him to bed. It’s not like he can’t sleep in or anything anyway. If he's already dozing off at his desk, then Sonic'll put him to bed, sure, but that's just to make him more comfortable. If he's alert and in the middle of a project, Sonic leaves him to it. He'll even keep him company sometimes, because no way does Sonic have a curfew either! If he gets sleepy later in the day, he figures he can always just take a nap.

They like to go skydiving together, taking turns flying and jumping off the Tornado. When Tails installs an autopilot on her, they're able to jump at the same time and do tricks in the air to one-up each other or practice mid-air saves with style~

Their tastes in video games vary: Sonic prefers classic side scrollers, racing games, and fighting games. Tails likes exploratory puzzle games with open worlds where he can explore and craft and he’s also really good at first-person shooters. They do both enjoy playing with each other still, regardless of the format, that's just what they tend to prefer when solo-gaming. Sonic will absolutely play something like Minecraft or Lethal Company with Tails (and die a lot xD) and Tails loves getting to beat Sonic's button mashing technique in a fighting game. I also think they both like to team up for anomaly hunting games, I feel like that's something they'd both find fun for a couple rounds while they wind down after an adventure. Sonic's quick reflexes would help him catch anomalies as they're happening and Tails likes analyzing the scenes for subtle differences. They can only go a couple rounds though before it puts Sonic to sleep, lol.

They’ve both picked up on some of their species-specific behaviors unintentionally. Like Tails sometimes curls into a hedgehog ball with his fur fluffed out to feel safe and he’ll make huffy, snuffly hedgehog sounds from time to time. Sonic's tail will wag a little when he's happy, since hedgehogs typically only wag their tails when they sense danger. I know it's a cute headcanon many people have for him expressing happiness in general, and I love to see it, but this is just my headcanon for why he’ll do that sometimes, and it’s pretty unique to him as far as hedgehogs go and completely involuntary.

When Sonic's around, he cooks pretty much all their meals, though Tails will sometimes want to experiment with a new recipe or cook something for Sonic. He likes cooking for other people. When Tails is left to his own devices while Sonic's traveling, however, his eating habits suffer. He loses track of time and ends up subsiding solely on snacks throughout the day instead, like his veggie chips or roasted chickpeas or mint candy. If he does make something, it's always fast and simple like a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. Sometimes Big will stop by with some fish stew to share with him and Sonic usually makes sure to bring a hefty bag of takeout back with him, just in case it's been a while since Tails's last substantial meal.

In return, Tails is the one who keeps pretty much every other aspect of his and Sonic's lives on track xD He keeps a calendar for him and reminds him of things like friends' birthdays or events he promised to go to. Any paperwork involving Sonic is taken care of by Tails. Upkeep on the workshops and the planes are also Tails's responsibility. He also does all the shopping and inventory of household supplies in the workshop. Tails is very good at scheduling most things into his day, eating is just not one of them.

Tails has a few pieces of Sonic merchandise he picked up when he was younger - when it wasn't as embarrassing to say his big brother was his hero. They're kept in his room, mostly out of sight, but he's got a Sonic plushie that he keeps wrapped in one of Sonic's gloves so it'll smell a little like him and he'll sleep with it whenever he's feeling particularly lonely. It's part of why he gets into the habit of working late into the night; it's hard to lie awake in bed in a quiet, dark house by himself. With only his thoughts and nothing to drown them out. He's not afraid of the dark or being alone, but it's the stillness and the emptiness (the void) that encourages him to stay up until he physically can't keep his eyes open any more. Sometimes having the Sonic plush helps with that (not that anyone knows).

Those are just some of the headcanons I have that I don't think have played very major roles in any fics yet. I've got a few WIPs that incorporate a couple of them, but I'm not sure if they'll ever get to become full-fledged fics.

Thanks for the ask! <3

[rcbertsugden]

Since there's an anon going round asking people for their top 10 episodes by year, I thought I'd do mine, in chronological order.

2015

- 12th February: the scene between Robert and chaddy is one of my favourite scenes ever. The early show of honesty vulnerability amongst the bravado... yum.

- 8th April: so cute. Robert worried about Aaron being out all night, putting his lil jacket over Aaron like a blanket, care about him I don't just! Stupid interfering bitch. Pebble rock. It's just so good.

- 22nd June: this may be violating the rules because it has nothing to do with robron but I stan the dinner party from hell with coira and chrobert.

- 8th July: for obvious reasons. But also it was my first ever live episode so it holds a massive place in my heart.

- 20th July: the heart eyes, the suits, the sneaking around home farm. Absolute gold.

- 23rd July: just vote for all of July at this rate, I hear you. I would love to. But of course I had to do the insanity of the lodge. The affair reveal is fab but this is included for "falling in love with you ruined everything" and "you said you loved me too remember" and Robert crying on the floor like a lost child.

- 24th September: it's hard to pick between the episodes this week because they're firing on absolutely every cylinder. But from a robron perspective, it has to be this one, as a noted scrapyard scene apologist. Ryan is at his very best here.

- 22nd October: we have the who shot robert flashbacks, "I can't stop loving someone like him", Aaron going to whack him with a wrench, the hurt Robert feels when he finds out Aaron's been arrested and the iconic list of suspects he reels off.

- 2nd December: I'm your man! You're never gonna be that again! My fave robron scene of all time tbh.

- 18th December: I tried to resist but this couple of months is where I live. The flirting in this one! Us living under the same roof wouldn't that be cosy! Robert was so determined to get Aaron back he was willing to inherit a pub. Icon.

2016

- 21st January: my favourite scene of all time may be I'm your man, but this has my favourite line of all time. Being in fandom then was such a good time despite how difficult the storyline was. I just remember reading an article about the episode and it said something along the lines of Robert maybe having a revelation of his own, but I don't think anyone expected an ily??? I had to grip my chair to keep from falling off it. Iconic. The whole episode was so amazingly acted and the centrepiece of one of the best weeks emmerdale ever had.

25th February: the spoiler drop for this one was iconic. We met beloved Liv for the first time, Robert got kneed, we got the entirely ridiculous "of course I still want this" as if Aaron had ever done anything but resist Robert's attempts to get back together, an icon! And of course the first fairly pathetic attempt at a near kiss, love it though. A note for Robert's hair as well.

2nd March: Robert in a maroon suit! The absolutely insane flirting. You lost your touch?!? AS IF?!? Chrissie's "it's good to know who you are". Their faces when Vic says its a date??? Smitten kitten??!?!?!?! I live here x

15th April: we finally get justice for Aaron. We also get the insane Adam realising they're together from one touch, and the absolutely stunning scene outside the woolpack. Probably controversial, but better than the reunion itself for me.

14th July: Yes, Charity catching them in the shower is gold as is Robert's insane lust. The real star of the show is the two boyfriend drops and the hilarious "not that you're not lovely" "or your daughter in law" and "the man went to prison for being gay, guess what in other news he's still gay". I loved Lawrence and Ronnie's relationship so that was also a highlight.

16th August: the handbag line is great but this isn't robron's episode, this is robert and andy's episode. Bernice also deserves a mention. Funny, heartbreaking, poignant. The perfect send off, really.

17th October: I don't even need to explain this one.

24th October: another one I tried to resist but it's just perfect oh my god it's so cute.

16th December: the pub quiz!!!!!

25th December: their first Christmas together ❤️ I still have Aaron's jumper.

2017 (this is so difficult bc I've never really rewatched it outside of the fandom rewatches)

- 5th January: I don't like this as much as I should, but there's no denying the suits and the Vegas stuff is brilliant. And I love the rolo joke.

- 23rd January: the pub scene is so damn sweet. Robert sitting in the dark worrying about Aaron. Got too much keeping me here these days! You're not on your own you're with me remember! I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else! The casual touches. Just lovely.

- 20th February: DIRTY LITTLE GREASE MONKEY okay the whole thing is perfect but that one line is enough. And also big gay wedding in the morning... queen.

- 21st February: I wouldn't normally do 2 in a row but. The garage scene, the callbacks, the first dance that wasn't a first dance, wouldn't kick blondie out of bed for leaving crumbs.

- 23rd February: 3 in a row is bad I know but it has my favourite moment of theirs (which is different to line and scene tyvm). The fucking forehead heart kiss hug thing it's perfect and nobody will ever beat that level of romance ever. The teasing about Robert's shower gel is also adorable.

- 10th April: partly heinous but then most of 2017 is. It still gave us the glorious picnic and clothes swap so. I've had better, well I haven't! Is that something else you don't do outdoors?! I'm Aaron Dingle I don't eat salmon and I don't have sex outdoors!

- 25th May: my beautiful husband who I love!!! People don't stay with me!! People don't forgive me!!! I love you, still, yeah, I love you more!! Such a tough watch but also all time epic romance moments.

- 19th June: I love them teaming up to fuck over Ross, and the weed plot was iconic. A rare moment of levity in that time.

- 29th November: our robbo back in the mill where he belongs! The chemistry... phew!!

- 25th December: again, one I don't love as much as I should, but their insane love for each other and the fashion in this episode makes it worth it. Robert becoming a real boy is so important to me.

*shudders*

2018

- 11th January: nothing to do with robron, again, but I know in my heart as a chrobert stan I must include their final parting. Also, Larry's death is hilarious.

- 14th February: what did we do for Valentine's last year? Oh I won't even quote anymore, this is on the list for one scene and one scene only: POCKET DIAL. invented romance.

- 15th February: SO underrated. Obviously we have the adorable "I think he wanted me" but also the stuff about it actually was what it looked like and Aaron being so close to choosing Robert and then.

- 22nd February: reuniting with Aaron is part of the bisexual contract <3 bonus points for the delivery of "oh my god we forgot the baby" and the vanity scenes.

- 5th April: the kidnap plot was nonsense but I had to include some of the jobert feud and Robert's worry over Aaron was gorgeous.

- 26th July: the proposal is wonderful but honestly this was even better. Both of them coming up with their proposals, the reactions from Chas and Liv, the fucking Robron and Seb scene oh my god it's too cute.

- 30th July: fiiine I'll include the proposal too. You made it okay to be me! Jinx! Except it's not some random layby! Chas and Liv plotting. The plans to adopt Seb. It's not Lachlan is it! Yeah, just a wonderful episode. Most couples would dream of such a good proposal and we got two separate iconic proposals. Here's hoping the third will be as good!

- 28th September: Robert calling them bachelors lmaooooo. The vadam sideplot was good and of course the stag do and karaoke was EVERYTHING.

- 5th October: obviously. The watch!! Their suits!! The Love We Stole!!! Their heart eyes!!! The speeches!!! Wedding 1.0 is better, but honestly, they really ate this one, too.

- 20th November: Robert hanging out with children and getting his pretty shirts ruined. I stan. This being the thing that makes him realise he wants more kids, very cute. I'm not a parent robron fan really but I was almost cheering here. Shout out to it being the beginning of Robert and Nicola being awful to Graham (affectionate).

2019

- 22nd January: my favourite version of this episode is the secret one that only existed in spoilers but what we did get was great too! Shenanigans with Seb and Spamela and that wonderful chat with Aaron and Moira about their partners being nightmares. All capped off with the cutest lil nap.

- 26th March: the weirdest, most fun wlw mlm solidarity double date dinner. I live for Robert and Charity being the same person being called out.

- 11th April: this gave us so much! Smiling at each other talking about having a family together, Liv standing up to Maya, the absolutely GORGEOUS conversation between Robert and Liv about not having to change for anyone (that convo hit 20 year old me Hard), the ridiculous face Aaron pulls when Robert suggests hot chocolate, if the next one gets your eyes everyone's in trouble, Liv blackmailing Maya so robron can afford a kid, and that damn snuggle on the couch.

- 22nd April: Robert finally gets a birthday!!!

- 7th May: the big night out flashback, which was super well done on the whole. Robron were flirting so badly, I'm married and rusty!! If I met you in a bar, I still would!! The Victoria story was heartbreaking and really well acted. The directing and lighting was so atmospheric as well.

- 25th July: the football team storyline was useless nonsense in the best way. This particular instance featured Robert and Victoria being adorable and goofy and I live forever on the crumbs of a friendship group it gave us.

- 6th August: Robert shamelessly lures his husband away from important accounts work with sex and surrogacy (not clickbait!). Robert and Aaron looking peak in grey and black, and getting lightly slut shamed by Diane. Beautiful stuff. Victoria gets all angsty as is her right and it ends in a lovely conversation where Robert gets really vulnerable about going to prison and giving Aaron something to look forward to.

- 10th October: mention of a classy anniversary trip! The clock ticking so loudly in their ears that they're doing everything possible before their time runs out. Most importantly, the family unit of Liv, Aaron, Robert, Victoria and Seb together properly for the last time. Robert really came so close to having it all.

- 17th October: what is it with the boys and that date in the woods? Though the runaway era was frustrating at times, there's no doubt that their chemistry was on full front here, and their reckless devotion was never more present. From their desperate last kiss to them imagining their dream life in France, it was magical. The perfect way to end their time pre-prison.

- 1st November: the best goodbye I could ever have hoped for, honestly. The details, from the pictures in Robert's prison cell to TWO plays of The Love We Stole. The banter about Aaron knowing the prison cook, the worry, the wedding rings, the moment Robert decides not to tell Aaron and to let him go. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, promise me you'll never forget. All the little touches and the hug that still has me in tears. Aaron being in the background as Robert leaves. The montage. It's so respectful and so important to their legacy. For 6 long years, I was ecstatic that this was the end. They did it right.

[ssatorussuguru]

tim drake & dick grayson fanfic recs for the lovely @grxceblqckthxrn !! some of these she showed me but im adding them in case anyone else who comes across this hasnt read them yet + i'll link my other lists below too (steph and dick so far)

(as usual, these will be mostlyyy focused on tim and dick, but some of them are so good i had to include even tho there are other relationships)

only you will have stars that laugh - Tim's alone on Christmas Eve. Dick finds out, and fixes it.

honeymuscles - Second chances are uncommon, sure. But Dick built his whole life on second chances.

call this my funeral - Dick breaks into Arkham to kill the Joker. He won't let anyone stop him—not some measly defense systems, not his baby brother, and not this mercenary who seems to be trying to break the Joker out.

hisstamine - Dick gets bitten by a venomous snake. Tim pretends to know exactly what to do.

brothers have the worst timing - Tim crashes Dick and Helena’s ill-advised one-night stand; this is awkward for everyone involved.

timmy the explorer - Tim was on a very important and grandiose mission. A mission to get a hug from Dick Grayson.

streaks - Months after Dick's return from Spyral, Tim has revelations that were a long time coming. In which the author uses Snapchat streaks for Bat purposes, there are tea parties, and more tears appear than expected.

head bonk - After he’s injured while home alone, Tim is the only one not worried about his personal well-being. (He has a number of other things to worry about instead.)

operation flight failure (plan #15) - Tim is going to meet Dick Grayson today. No matter what. And he's going to make him his big brother. But that'll come later.

an ode to the passage of time - when you don't feel it - Dick doesn't know when his brothers got so close, considering how last week the two almost came to blows over a missing batarang, but it's seeming a little... obsessive. (time loop!!)

the center cannot hold - Every so often, it all catches up with him.

five times dick was tim's safety net and one time tim was his - Dick has always been there for Tim, even before they knew each other.

I'd fly far away from here - “Tim, you’re in a strange city you don’t live in, staying with a person your dad barely knows. He’s probably worried sick.”

aite - Dick is high on morphine and says some things Tim doesn't think he meant to. Using bedrest as an excuse, he pries.

the irony - There's some cruel, bitter irony in the fact that Tim, at eighteen, is back to stalking Dick to check on his health and well-being.

it was not your fault, but mine - Dick gets caught and tortured. Tim finds him. Dick thinks he doesn't care enough to help him. Tim, frankly, doesn't care what Dick thinks.

steph dick tim

[singukieee]

—my all time favourite bts fics (pt. 3) ᯓᡣ𐭩

consists of my personal favourite bts fics that I've read countless of times. including those from other platforms, such as Wattpad, AO3, and Patreon.

For some works that are cross-posted between tumblr and wp/ao3, I'd only link them to the latters bcs I find it easier to read and navigate the stories on those. but I also tagged all the authors I know are here and linked the rest so you can check their blogs out yourself!

I'll also separate this list into several parts simply because there's too many... So it'd be easier for you guys to navigate!

red means unfinished

blue means finished

🗯️ curator's note

(sorted by alphabetical order)

Merilia by saylilirose

"Mermaids are not real!" That's what you and Namjoon hear everywhere you go. It's funny that you're hidden in plain sight, although perhaps popping a tail in front of strangers wouldn't end well for you. That's what you've come to learn. You've also learned, to hide yourself very, very well. Until- "NO-DON'T JUMP-SHIT!" You and Namjoon are joined by others, not by choice.

🗯️ mermaids and insane drama oooh yes

Moonchild by @yoongiofmine (paid on patreon but so worth it)

Working at a coffee shop that only opened in the late hours of the night was the most exciting thing about your life, really. You never had that many friends, your love life was nonexistent, and you just couldn’t explain the feeling of not belonging that chased you no matter where you tried to find your place. It was when seven very handsome strangers came into your life that weird things started happening around you and within you. Could they be the ones to fill in what’s been missing? Or would getting involved with them and their world put you in danger?

🗯️ aaaah so good!!! so well-written, gahh plott so great, identity crisis (human or...?), werewolf drama.

My Muse by Zennnoe

I felt my lungs suddenly stop and a coldness brush onto my face, I gasped loudly clutching onto my chest. Dropping down onto my knees trying to grasp whatever air in-front of me. But I was at dance practice. So why did it feel like I was breathing underwater? I soon felt the hands of my close friends lift me up and lay me down as I try to takin in as much air as possible, for her. Soon the staff swamp me and I hear them talking about her, my other half. I soon clutched onto my stomach and I shouted loudly in so much pain, pink fluorescent patches bloom onto my skin. Yes they looked pretty. But the reason why they were there was not. As I try to reach out I grab one of my friends hands tightly and request for one thing. "My music. Pass me my music." I beg. This is the only way for me to reach her…to help her. My beloved soulmate.

My Soulmate are IDOLS by tinyeyecat

In a world where soulmates exist and people receive their soul bonds (a red string of fate, body exchange, timer tattoos…etc) when they turn 20… Wet dreams are not the norm for Amber. She should not be haunted by men she doesn't know, let alone by the world-famous boyband, Bangtan. But on the day of her birthday, Amber switches bodies with the idol on stage and finds out that the members of the boyband are her soulmates. All seven of them.

🗯️ this is one wild story... aren't all emi ree's stories so wild tho? but also well-written. (epilogue is on Patreon).

Not My Hybrids by Ghosstwriterss

When Y/n is pressured to volunteer at a hybrid rehabilitation/adoption Center, and asked to house 7 hybrids to help them become comfortable with humans and the idea of adoption, who is she to say no?

🗯️ the kind of story where mc's so freakin nice I don't think she's human. but yea it's all worth it.

One Kiss by DuraWrites

In a world where soulmate exist, where you can only know your soulmate through a dream. Confirm through a kiss and complete the bond through love-making. Han Bora just celebrated her 22nd birthday and not long she started having dreams of her soulmate. Correction. Soulmates. Already being a fan of this popular K-pop group, she immediately knew that her soul is tied to all seven of them. It was a dreadful yet thrilling thought as the realization of being the soulmate to her favourite artists hit her. But it isn't just as easy as it seems. Because she was the only one who had the dreams. So She has to prove to them she's their soulmate. And the only way to confirm that is through ONE KISS. How will an average girl find her way to that untouchable top to prove to the biggest boyband that she's their soulmate? Come along and let's dive into this crazy mess of a journey together.

🗯️ one kiss is all it takes... literally

Out of Time series by Alphathyx

🗯️ so freakin sad wtf but that is why there's an alternate ending. soo good and heart wrenching.

❶ Out of Time

A story about a girl named, Hana who has suffered a chronic condition all her life that would soon take her life one day. But with her final wish, she uses it to see BTS, but the boys decided to have more in store for her. Join Hana, and the members in a fluff filled adventure before time runs out.

❷ Out of Time: Young Forever

The alternate ending for 'Out of Time' and bonus chapters

Parfait by fullspectrumfangirl

Alpha bands are a popular entertainment schtick. Handsome, powerful, talented, they sell the fantasy of availability as much as they sell their music. After all, everyone knows a pack is incomplete if it only contains alphas. Omegas and betas dream of being a part of the balance. Unfortunately, this is more than just marketing. A band needs to function as a pack, but with only alpha members, bickering and infighting are almost unavoidable. Beta managers help, but there is another common tactic that helps the talent maintain equilibrium: house omegas, hired companions who stand in for the missing pieces. BTS is a wildly popular seven-member alpha band. They are known to be particularly kind and humble, but they are still struggling to keep house omegas for their pack. None of the prior candidates have wanted to leave, but one member has protested them all. What is the missing ingredient in their otherwise winning recipe?

🗯️ again, idk what to say but it's good! a really well-written story with great plot.

Peculiar Pack by @daydreamindollie

You’re a successful hybrid writer and psychologist, who takes in seven hybrids one stormy night after finding one of their pack stealing from your garden.

🗯️ cute T.T

Petrichor by @purpleyoonn

You had been working at Bangtan Corporation for almost two years now, and not once have you ever laid eyes on your bosses. That was, until you met them when out with some of your coworkers. Now, you almost wish you hadn’t. Almost.

🗯️ courting... yes please! and again, I love possessive mates.

Plump by koozip

Meeting Namjoon's close friends was something you've been anxious about since meeting him. You wanted them to like you. Starting off with a group chat seemed like the perfect way around your fears. You weren't sure how they'd feel about you in person. So when they fell in love with you and your lovely curves, you were taken by surprise. You soon realize that you're stuck with the seven handsome men for the long run. The chronicles of chubby y/n and her new smitten friends. Based around the group chat named 'chubbybear' that started it all.

🗯️ gosh this one's just warm and sweet, especially for fellow chubby girlies out there!

Rainy Days by Peanut_The_Sugar_Glider

Life had dealt you a rather crappy hand, but you kept on fighting, you kept on existing day by day. On a gloomy day however, you feel as if it all means nothing, as your beloved pet had past away and she always was there to cheer you up and enjoy the gloomy weather, making it less sad and depressing. Be it fate or otherwise, movement catches your attention outside. And your life is never the same after. You never will have to worry about being alone, and you find yourself enjoying the rainy weather.

🗯️ despite the title, this story feels like a warm hug.

Redamancy by strawberheecake

In which Yn met an unknown pack of hybrids living on a land she inherited. Feelings bloomed as the pack helped her weather the storm that is her greedy family.

🗯️ another neat and well-written story <3

Retribution by Babydoll_Blue

The Bangtan Boys were known around campus for being heart breakers, but when they made poor Seul-ki cry, Y/N and Mina decided it was time for retribution. Forming a plan to ruin their images, Y/N sets out to seduce them all.

🗯️ revenge gone wrong... or right? wtf am I typing, just read it guys.

Rose & Thorns by @minniepetals

A lone rose, a little broken, until Jungkook came along and the two of you saved each other, and in doing so, Jungkook showed you a world where he shared with his six other mates.

🗯️ a dramatic and warm story. I'm such a simp for soft but strong MCs like this one.

Safe House by SweetBreadFictions

In a dystopian universe where hybrids exist, the government had turned a blind eye to the mistreatment of hybrids. These persons were used, abused and treated in the most unfair ways. To escape the evil owners, hybrids make their way to the rumored district of freedom called Area 613. To help these refugee hybrids, an underground railroad had been developed by kind people. Being sympathetic to these persons, you run a safe house stop for the hybrids during their journey. As you help these hybrids, seven of them decide that your safe house might be better that any rumored district of freedom.

🗯️ I love when the relationships develop one by one so you got attached to allll of them.

Sanctuary by @softykooky

Some people are lucky enough to be born into a family that loves them. others meet their family in a coffee shop while on the run from the korean ambassador, while they’re holding a man at gunpoint and beating him to a pulp for treason against their syndicate.

🗯️ :")👍

Seven by Worldwidehandsomeyouknow

Life is boring. Same thing, day in and day out. Nothing new or exciting ever happens. I just want something, anything to happen! Well something happens alright. Seven somethings in fact

Sheltered by Gracie30102

What Namjoon thought was trouble turned out to be a blessing as he rescued a wounded kitten who would capture his packmates hearts little by little.

🗯️ s o f t.

When a vaccine leads to unexplained symptoms, the world erupts into panic. What happens when one girl finds out she is soulmates to all seven members of the largest group in the world?

Shifted by dailyJinspiration

You were property, a casualty of an archaic law, but he didn't see you that way. You're an elemental witch, leaving the country of your birth to be mated to Hoseok, the leader of a pack of brothers who were forced to come together or risk being exiled forever. They are broken, discarded and angry, they can also shift into giant feline predators in the blink of an eye. You thought you would have a simple life, try to win them over one by one, but there are bigger plans in motion and it will take every skill you possess to keep what's yours.

🗯️ defo one of my absolute faves fanfic in 2024. it's got intricate issues, steamy scenes, sassy and strong witch mc, and the guys as hybrids. writing's so neat!

Soulmate to You by OT7oramI

🗯️ another well-written soulmate story! this synopsis doesn't give justice to this freaking good story so just read it please.

Spring Day by @nunchiimagines

Becoming a part time english teacher wasn’t exactly the ideal startup you had hoped for yourself when you first moved to Seoul, South Korea. Luckily, you loved working with children and you were grateful to have found a well paying job with housing included so soon after university. Amongst your class, however, are 5 boys who seem to be constantly ostracized not only by the rest of the students but also by the other teachers and staff members. Becoming attached to you fairly quickly, you’re unintentionally tasked to be their permanent caretaker during their stay at school, even staying past the hours you were needed until they were picked up safely. However, what you didn’t expect was to catch the hearts of their seven older brothers, the leaders of a notorious and well known mafia family in Korea.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 4 | NAVI

[iamnmbr3]

Hey! I remember a while ago you said you were working on a sort of funny sort of serious drarry letter writing fic or something like that? Are you still writing it and if so could we see a little bit of it?

Hi anon! I am in fact still working on that fic. The premise is that basically a few years after the war Harry, who hasn't seen Draco since the trials, gets annoyed with Rita Skeeter asking him questions about whether he spoke at Draco's trial because there was some secret enemies-to-lovers thing going on and sarcastically agrees...not thinking about the fact that sarcasm doesn't translate well in print (especially when Rita has NO incentive to explain the context). Draco owls him about it and they start writing back and forth. Just a fun little cracky scenario I entertained myself with. I am still working on it though I've never published a fic before and idk if I'll actually post this.

If you like you can see a tiny excerpt from towards the beginning below the cut. Tho obviously it's still in draft form and in order to publish I'd need a beta to help me remove any egregious americanisms since I learned American English and also to figure out how to get it to format properly on AO3.

Potter,

Thank you for your reply. 

Frankly I am shocked that the quote is genuine. I had assumed it entirely fabricated or misreported by an unreliable secondary source. Do you mean to tell me you actually answered a question from Rita Skeeter of all people with the words “Yeah, that’s right. Everyone who thought we hated each other in school just couldn’t recognize the obvious romantic tension”? You actually said that? To Rita Skeeter. 

You needn’t worry about forcing the Prophet to issue a retraction on my account. As I said, it’s not my (less than sterling) reputation that’s being besmirched by this story. I am happy to let the story die on its own if you are. (Personally, I vastly prefer this coverage to the last time I was of interest to the press.). Do whatever you think is best. 

For your convenience I have attached a blank scroll since clearly you must be desperately short on stationary. Why else would anyone send back a response written on the back of the original message?

Sincerely, 

D. M.

P.S. It was five years, not six. 

***

Yes. I really said it. No “unreliable secondary source” (like you in fourth year you mean?) necessary. I was being sarcastic! It’s not my fault she left out the context! I probably should've seen it coming, but what was I supposed to do? Hermione made me promise not to hex any more reporters. 

I have a question though. If  you didn’t think the quote was real and you don’t want me to stop the rumors, why did you write to me in the first place?  

By the way, I forgot to say in the last letter. Tell your mum sorry about the reporters outside the Manor. Has she considered using the Fidelius Charm to hide the location? Or the location of your flat, for that matter. That’s what I do to keep them away from my house. 

Also, Hermione says wasting paper is bad. There is plenty of room on the back of this scroll so I don’t see why I shouldn’t use it.  

Harry 

P.S. Five years? So is nose breaking supposed to be a secret Pureblood friendship ritual or something? 

***

Potter,

One does not write letters on the back of other correspondence. It is simply not the done thing. Furthermore, as we can use magic, we can simply replicate an existing piece of paper indefinitely, thus preventing waste. The need to conserve and recycle paper is a purely muggle concept, though an ingenious one. I still don’t really understand how they can turn certain used materials into new objects without magic, though my neighbors have tried to explain it to me. 

Yes, just like me in fourth year (something I hope you know is included on the long list of things I deeply and sincerely regret about my past).

If you must know, I wrote to you because I thought you might suspect I’d planted the story for my own purposes. Clearly I vastly overestimated your ability to handle reporters. For future reference, silence is a wonderful way to prevent unfortunate quotes from appearing in print. 

Our previous correspondence two years ago made it clear to me you wouldn’t welcome further contact (I don’t mean to accuse you; I wouldn’t have wanted to associate with me either) but I didn’t think you would believe me if I simply denied it directly, and I was eager to avoid the impression that I would repay you for your forbearance with the same petty duplicity you had come to expect from me. I apologize if I’ve done the wrong thing. 

Unfortunately, both my mother and I are forbidden from concealing our residences with the Fidelius Charm until our respective five year Ministry-ordered probationary periods have expired. 

I will pass along your apologies next time I see her, though they are hardly necessary. 

Yours,

DM

P.S. I only meant that the incident on the train was about more than misguided feelings of rivalry. I blamed you (unfairly) for my father’s imprisonment and for my family’s sudden fall from grace both in mainstream wizarding society and among the ranks of the Death Eaters, and for the task that subsequently fell on me as a result of my father’s failure. It was my first true experience with any kind of hardship and I handled it extremely poorly. A better person would have questioned the ideologies and actions that led them to that point, but instead I sank further into the darkness that will now overshadow the rest of my life.

[welcometololaland]

10 things - 2024/2025 edition

happy new year, everyone! 2024 has been a year of change for me in so many different ways, and i've posted very little fic this year, mostly due to writers' block and time constraints. so, instead of doing the writing round up i thought i'd list 10 things i'm grateful for in 2024 (fandom edition) and 10 things i want to do in 2025 (also, fandom edition). please feel free to make your own if you wish! consider this an open tag 🏷️

2024 - things i'm grateful for (in fandom, in no particular order)

1. my ride or die friends who deal with my self doubt and breakdowns and (being 100% real) paranoia about situations that simply don't exist - @rmd-writes @celeritas2997 , the popcorn squad and others. wouldn't be writing without your support!

2. the writers who have trusted me to beta for them - @heartstringsduet @basilsunrise @rmd-writes i think i'm forgetting some (so sorry if so). michelle, being with you through first aid was such an amazing experience, and i feel so lucky to have seen you develop as a writer!

3. the people who have read my fics and encouraged me including the wip wednesday and seven sentence sunday tags! - i literally would not be anywhere without you. you actually give me life.

4. the friendships i've made on discord with people who just wanna know me for me and share little snippets of their lives - @reyesstrand and @heartstringsduet the little squirrel photos y'all send me are soul soothers for real! @st-elle-ar and @clottedcreamfudge and @lightningboltreader and @birdclowns for the cat pics! @howtosingit for your commentary and spoiler services 💜

5. the grace given to me by @carlos-in-glasses and @actual-sleeping-beauty - you two are so kind and encouraging and tell me all about your knitting projects even when i go missing for weeks on end. thank you for being my friends <3 and i don't even think you guys know you are both my yarn obsessed friends but you ARE.

6. everyone who has trusted me enough to collab with them on projects - the legends on never the same twice, @rmd-writes @strandnreyes. i loved working with you and i hope you had a positive experience! looking forward to more collabs in 2025.

7. the document gremlins, betas and sensitivity readers i've collected this year - @rmd-writes @strandnreyes @lightningboltreader @celeritas2997 @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut ty ty ty ty some of those fics were in danger of being lost forever but we revived them!

8. @she-walked-away for making me laugh with your hilarious posts and olympia2997 who apparently doesn't exist on tumblr but leaves the most unhinged comments of all time on my fics.

9. everyone who has translated my fics or made art or gifs this year! inspired by you and in awe of you! @donghaian @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @guardian-angle22 i know there are more i'm so sorry if i've not listed you here!!!

10. everyone in the various fandoms i'm in who have created brilliant works in 2024! i am inspired by your work more than you know <3

2025 - things i want to do (in fandom, in no particular order)

1. read more, and read more broadly. expand my horizons a bit. read things that are a touch outside my go-to zones just to test the waters. read stuff by new authors!

2. spend time co-writing because that's actually my favourite thing to do. i have some things in the pipeline with a couple of people which i hope work out!

3. finish. the. damn. fic. (eurotrip). IT'S SO FREAKING CLOSE.

4. spend more time with my 2019-2021 beloveds - alex and henry. write more rwrb fic. engage in the fandom a bit more.

5. finish the ring-in 2.0 within 1 month of the LS finale (weep).

6. take one hand off the wheel with fandom relationships - my therapist tells me i need to stop trying to control how everyone feels about me and instead let people show me the kind of friendship they're interested in maintaining. scary because i think i may lose some people along the way but OH WELL WE BALL.

7. worry less about the engagement! god! i need to stop looking so much! *shakes fist at self*

8. write a little more regularly with less word count expectations.

9. learn how to be okay with smaller comments (from myself). sometimes i feel terrible if i don't write a damn essay but sometimes it stops me from reading which is horrible!

10. be a better fandom contributor than i was in 2024 - i think continuous growth is important and i'm always open to feedback (as long as it's constructive and genuine)! my mission is to always make a positive contribution and to make people feel good about themselves, and if i can even do that for one person in 2025, i think i will achieve this goal.

ty for the 2024 wrapped tags @hippolotamus @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @emsprovisions @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo @strandnreyes @thisbuildinghasfeelings @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @firenati0n @cha-melodius. you are real ones! consider this a tag back if you would like to do a 2024/2025 10 things edition.

[bitbybitwrites]

20 Fanfic Author Questions

Haven't done one of these in a while, so let's give it a go. 😊

Many thanks to the following folks who tagged me 💖💖💖💖: @porcelainmortal , @alasse9 , @theprinceandagcd

Answers under the cut . . .

How many works on AO3?

38

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

281,632

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

i hate waiting (RWRB/FirstPrince) If I can Make Your Heart My Home (Glee/Klaine) Falling for You (Glee/Klaine) hold me close (RWRB/FirstPrince) smutsgiving 2023: RWRB/FirstPrince

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Glee/Klaine RWRB/FirstPrince

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to . . but to be honest Ive gotten a bit overwhelmed with my inbox right now, so Ive stopped at the moment. I do read every one and love that people take the time out to write anything at all. One day I'll finally catch up and answer everything. *sigh*

6. Angstiest Ending?

Most of my stuff usually ends up happy at the end . . . with a lot of angst in the middle. So not sure if you'd qualify this as angsty but its certainly not a happy ending. . . Come Into My Parlor (Glee/klaine)

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Like mentioned before i think most of my fics have happy endings . . .so I'll pick this one - because it is a pretty wholesome feel-good ending: Falling for You (Glee/Klaine)

8. Do you get hate?

No. I've gotten some very passionate comments, mostly about what characters are doing in certain stories, but nothing that I'd take as a personal attack against me or my writing in general.

9. Do you write smut?

I do but its a constant struggle because it doesn’t come easy for me. Most of the time it slows me down writing because i agonize over those parts so much!

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have done a few and would do it again. . but mostly I do stick to original AUs when I write. Dancing In The Moonlight - Glee/Klaine and The Adams Family Advanced Potions - Hogwarts!AU - Glee/Klaine and Harry Potter study date - klaine hogwarts!au - Glee/Klaine and Harry Potter

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge. But if anyone hears anything, let me know!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No.

14. All time favourite ship?

I love Klaine and FirstPrince equally. Those boys make me so happy.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I intend to finish everything . . .eventually - the problem with me is WHEN I'll get to do that! An ongoing list of my WIP can be found here.

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue, I guess . . humor . . angst? . . Maybe I should ask any readers about this. What do you all think I do well?😂

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Smut . . . its so challenging. And just finding time to write in general.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue? 

I don't mind it. . . As a reader, I like the extra depth it brings to a charater. As long as there's a translation for me to read. I enjoy it. As a writer, it can be a bit nerve wracking because I think and write in English and then try to translate it over, which sometimes doesn't always work. I am lucky bc one of my betas speaks Spanish so I often bounce ideas off of her when I need that for characters. But for a recent ongoing WIP, I decided (because I'm insane) to include A LOT of French in my dialogue. I had used an online translator, but thankfully one of my readers jumped in to offer to help with corrections and any French translations going forward!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Officially - like posted stuff, would be Glee/Klaine . Though I've been making up fandom AUs/ bits of stories in my head for years before I knew what fanfiction was! i just never shared it with anyone! 😂

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I love all of my fics! It's hard to say which is my all time favorite . . but I will say that ( though it's almost finished - 1 more chapter left) If I Can Make Your Heart My Home (Glee/Klaine) will always hold a special place in my heart . . its been a true joy writing it and seeing how others have reacted to it. It's also my longest piece to date - a little over the length of a novel (127,206 words) - and has taken me a LONG time to write . . ( its been a year and 10 months) The whole writing process for this has been very challenging and very fulfilling to do. I have very much fallen in love with the AU and will be happy to revisit it after the fic is complete.

Well this was fun . . I'm going to tag some lovely writers to take part (no pressure - only if you want to!) and leave a big OPEN TAG for anyone who sees this and wants to jump in . .

 @iboatedhere , @forabeatofadrum,  , @firstprincehornyramblings , 

@sophie1973 , @onthewaytosomewhere  @heartsmadeofbooks

 @getmehighonmagic, @caterpills, @blueeyedgrlwrites, , @annepi-blog,

@myheartalivewrites , @14carrotghoul, @kirakiwiwrites, @emeryhall

@wowbright @coffeegleek, @cha-melodius

@gleefulpoppet , @special-bc-ur-part-of-it   @daisyishedwig @sarkyblueeyes , @hkvoyage

@tinyarmedtrex, @1908jmd , @sparklepocalypse @spaceorphan18, @firstprincehornyramblings

@kirakiwiwrites , @cha-melodius @yadivagirl, @lady-divine-writes, @cryscendo 

@rockitmans, @madas-ahatters-world , @little-escapist  @thesleepyskipper  @caterpills

@nocoastposts, , @thinkof-england , @shame-is-a-wasted-emotion, @blurglesmurfklaine 

[writefightandflightclub]

Ride or Die (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x fem!reader): Chapter Five (of 11 - COMPLETED SERIES)

Series summary: Together, you and Santiago have been “soldiers” then “friends” then “lovers”; but will you ever figure out what comes next, especially when Santiago can’t (or won’t) stop running? 

Genre: a LOT of angst, some smut, best friends to… lovers?

Warnings: see collated series warnings, here. Please note this series is 18+. Minors / ageless blogs interacting will be blocked.

Series info: this is a COMPLETED SERIES. All chapters are written and queued. Posting schedule is here (includes series master list). 

Author’s note: This is SO VERY ANGST. More angst than any other chapter so far. STRAP IN GIRLIES (GN). I'd love it if you feel like sharing what you think - your feedback means the world to me. ILY :-* Reblogs, comments, and asks are literal power-ups in my day and I appreciate every single one!

Word count: 8.3k for this part. 

Tag list info: will reblog separately tagging those on taglist. You can request to be added to taglist if you are 18+. Send me an ask, please, so I can keep track :)

You’re spiralling. 

You’re pissed off and you’re hurt and you’re somehow still horny as hell (somehow, perhaps even more horny since Santiago helped you out in that very particular way of his). You feel all in a tizz, like you don’t know which way is up; but even so, you’re pretty sure you’ve simply been going around in circles, and it’s dizzying. Santiago makes it easy to do that when you follow his lead, after all – all the more reason that you’d had to get out finally, all those months ago. 

Safe to say, you’re a little bit worked up. Too many thoughts are racing through your head. Resentment that he could get you all riled up like that, have you come undone, and then straight up deny you. Like it was some power play all along and that all he wanted was the satisfaction. On the other hand, a dreadful longing spikes at the thought that maybe he really did just want to protect himself, because he wouldn’t know how to find his way out this time if he got lost in you all over again. 

The main thing you’re feeling though – a bitter shard of pain stabbing through any sense of pleasure you may be left with - is a singular fear. 

What if he really doesn’t want you anymore? 

He wants you, yes, on some level. His admissions in the kitchen about wanting to kiss you confirmed that much. But his desire for you had always felt like an unstoppable force. Like something he couldn’t help or hope to control. Like a raging fire. He had told you that he loved you, wanted you, needed you, all those months ago. And while you are sure that remains true at least in part, you are terrified that all you leaving had achieved was to teach him how to live without you. And, contrary to that, his touch had simply confirmed how hopelessly consumed by him you still are, all your progress - moving on and rebuilding and forgetting - unravelled in mere moments by his fingers. 

You resent that too. His power over you, when you always prided yourself on being strong – needing no-one. You have never liked to feel like the one who is compromised, in any situation. You always prefer to be the hunter as, that way, you’re not the one who gets hurt. But Santiago? Santiago is lethal, and he has always known your weak spots.  

Maybe that’s why you had stormed angrily to your room, subduing your heavy footsteps reluctantly, only for the sake of your dear buddies sleeping soundly in their beds. Maybe that’s why you had hastily cleaned up, throwing on some fresh clothes from your case – a low cut top and some obscenely tight jeans. A splash of perfume. Some lipstick. All in the hopes of heading out to the local bar and searching for the kind of late-night attention which feels in your control. Seeking a desire which feels manageable. Trivial almost, instead of the kind which burns. 

Part of you – a small part of you, at least - recognises you’re being ridiculous, irrational, reactive, even as you zip on your boots. But there is another part of you that simply can’t stay here in this house with him a moment longer, feeling like he doesn’t want you the way you want him. 

You feel like, while you’ve been breaking apart for all these months, he was healing. It’s cruel maybe, that you would wish for his desire to burn him as much as it has a hold over you – but perhaps you’re not perfect. Perhaps you’re only human. 

Whatever. It doesn’t all need to make sense right now. Your head’s all over the place. You’re not really thinking straight at all. You don’t know whether you want to cry or scream or get your brains fucked out (or maybe all of the above - not in that order). And so, you’re definitely not thinking when you throw open the door to the bathroom, recalling that you’d left your necklace on the counter. If you were -thinking- perhaps you would have heard the rushing of the water. Perhaps you would have heard the muffled, bitten back groans emanating from the shower cubicle. 

Fuck. 

If you weren’t thinking straight before, every thought falls right out of your head altogether when you swing open that door. Namely, when you see Santiago, his body slanted into the wall as he palms his thick, straining length in something of a frenzy. 

You should retreat, probably. In fact, yeah. That's exactly what you should do. But, the sight of him there arrests you, and you can’t help but devour every detail of him. Your eyes skim over him only fleetingly, and yet your memory of his body fills in the gaps, meaning you’re able to see far more of him than you could otherwise in the split second your eyes rove over him. 

He is stripped down, his body curled into the tiled wall, his forehead and one shoulder bracing himself as the stream of water thunders down on the back of his neck and his broad, lightly muscled shoulders. 

His thighs are slightly spread and his full glutes are clenching as he fucks his hard, veined cock into the circle of his left hand, squeezing tight and showing no mercy, his pace relentless. 

From the way his nipples are pebbled and the way you observe the tightness of the muscles coiling in his back, you can guess that the water is cold. Perhaps, that he had attempted to cool off after what had happened downstairs, seemingly to no avail. His need is heavy and urgent and burdening his hand, the veins popping in his slick forearm as water sluices over every contour of him and still, his want is evidently raging. 

The most important detail of all, however, is that his eyes are closed, droplets of water beading in his long lashes, and a wracked moan sounding from around his own fingers as he shoves them over his tongue. 

Fuck. 

He’s licking them clean. He’s tasting you. Tasting your juices from his fingers and pumping himself raw from the thought of it. 

Holy shit. 

He wants you. 

You see it now, clear as day. He wants you to the point of desperation. Helplessness. To the point of coming undone with his need for you. His want rages even beneath the stream of a cold shower, taken in hopes of subduing himself. He works himself urgently in his fist, in hopes of finding his release. You find him here, like this. 

Unfinished. 

You can see it much more clearly now. You see how he wants you. You see what you do to him. What you still do to him. 

You see now that saying no to you likely took every scrap of control he had, and now that is gone, there is nothing left for him but you. 

As you enter, Santiago hears the door creak open – you weren’t exactly sneaking- and he immediately tilts his body to the wall. It’s automatic - showing his ass rather than his dick in his hand, likely in case one of the boys had just walked in on him. But, when he sees it’s you stood there, all slack-jawed and honey-eyed, he foregoes the need to hide. He turns towards you instead, his length twitching as it grows even more rigid and more ruddy at the sight of you. Santiago’s eyes hooded and desolate with want as he looks you up and down in your ridiculous, come-fuck-me clothes. 

Santiago knows fine well that you only wear red when you want to be shown a good time. You feel like a flare, on display, and maybe you’d feel stupid -like scrubbing this red paint from your mouth – if his need was not blatantly on display too. If his predicament did not seem even more dire than yours. 

Finally, though, as you look and he lets you, you register the intrusion, and with a series of stunted vowel noises which barely make it past your teeth, you are dragging your eyes away from his. Your legs like jelly and skin flushed beneath your tight clothes, you are clasping the door handle and turning on your heel. Your only objective is to make it out of there, even if you turn to vapour in the hallway after the fact. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” Santiago asks gruffly, and you are not sure what he means. Not sure whether he means to ask where you’re headed out to so late, or to inquire why in the hell you’re leaving the room now that you’re here, but God, you’re not sure anymore that you could answer either question in any way that would make the slightest bit of sense. 

You’re just not thinking straight. Can you be blamed? Look at him. Look at this, all for you. 

So, you freeze, breath held in your lungs as you grip the handle – your back to him, and about to swing the door open to hasten your exit. Instead, though, against every shred of good sense you have, you push the door closed, ever so gently, with you still on the inside. You turn, preposterously slowly back towards him, and when the sight of him stood there, wet and dripping, face all stern and languidly palming himself in the circle of his hand hits you, you flatten your back to the panelled door. Truth is, your legs feel so weak that you could barely stand without it. 

And, as if that wasn’t quite answer enough, Santiago continues to look at you insistently. 

Well? The quirk of his thick brow seems to enquire. Where the fuck are you going? 

Your voice comes out all breath. “Nowhere.” 

You’re going fucking nowhere, apparently. Only ever around and around in circles with Santiago “Pope” Garcia – but suddenly, you could care less.  

Your eyes lock then, and it takes less than moments for him to be on you, his wet hands fisting everywhere - in your hair and your clothes - and dragging your mouth onto his in a sudden, consuming crush. Your hands snake into his hair, squeezing cool shocks down your forearms as you wring rivulets of water from his grizzled curls, grabbing handfuls of the length at his crown to pull him deeper into you, his tongue hot and supple and buried in your mouth. Your top sticks to you, wet and sodden in all the places he has grabbed up handfuls of your flesh, or pressed his hot body flush against you. 

He drives you back, into the door and the awkward mess of towels hanging there on hooks. 

“Fuck,” he bites off into your mouth, and you surge forward with this barrelling want, walking him backward and slamming him against the cool tiles with a thwap and enough force that he grunts. Still, it barely slows him down at all, his hands all over you and his kisses still devouring, ripping the air from your mouth. 

There is no romance in this, you think. Only need, raw and animal, and you are surprised that you show enough restraint not to tear each other down to the floor and go at it right on the tiles. Still, you barely show any more restraint than that. 

“Shit. Fuck. Turn around. Turn around,” Santiago rasps, entirely wrecked already, barely able to get the words past his mouth. His cock looks almost painfully hard, and entirely insistent against your ass as he spins you and roughly bends you over the counter, pots of toothbrushes knocked into the sink and soap rolling who knows who cares where. 

“You want this?” he asks as he presses you into position, little precision or ceremony in it – just a rough, raw urgency, entirely untamed. 

You can see yourself reflected in the mirror above the sink, blurry and steamy and bent over, and that’s exactly how it feels. Everything; blurry and steamy and close and tight. He’s as hard as the cool marble surface digging painfully into your hips, and you’re as hot as steam and as wet and slick as this mirror and you’re melding into one another – not single bodies anymore but shapes and a mood and a feeling, and there is nothing else. 

“Princesa?” Santiago pleads, even as he tugs your jeans down over your ass, removing the bare minimum of clothing to give him access where he needs, the garment still tight and unforgiving around your thighs, not allowing you to move  - barely at all. “You need me?”

“Yes. Fuck me. Need you,” you beg, and you hear him spit unceremoniously into his hand -not that he’d need it- and slather it all over his length, groaning as he makes contact with his sensitive, needy dick as though he might spill over his knuckles with the anticipation of stuffing you full alone. 

Still, he holds on -by a thread – and your eyes roll back into your head as you finally feel the blunt tip of him notch clumsily at your need-swollen entrance. 

Then – ohhhhhh- then, there is the dull ache shortly after as the girth of him pushes through your wanting folds. You grunt at the initial stretch as he works himself inside of you, but pinned between the counter and his surging hips there is nowhere for you to go, and his need sinks into you inch by inch until he fills you all the way. 

You succumb to your ragged breaths and mewl for him, you arms practically giving way beneath you as you press them into the cool surface to keep you standing. He fills you, and God, you’ve missed this. Have missed how full you feel with him inside of you - in every sense of the word. The way his hands grip your hips in that specific spot he likes. 

You have missed his girth. Could swear you can feel every inch of him pressing outward against the tight grip of your heat as he fucks his cock into your hole, bottoming out with a delicious, wracked, stuttering moan, the sound alone causing pleasure to bloom around the drag of him deep inside you. 

Still, despite this fullness - you also feel the give of your walls to him, your slick and eager heat actively suckering him in. He stutters his hips as you clamp tightly around him and then, so help you, he finally begins to move. 

Jesus, this feels even better than his fingers, even better than you remember, and you relish every moment as he fucks into you, bareback and desperate, your pleasure coiling up impossibly quick as the straining mass of him works you open, hitting all of your sweet spots. Your legs tremble beneath you with adrenaline and want, and you feel Santiago’s thighs flush against the back of your legs, his hips snapping against the cushion of your ass as the counter edge bites painfully into your hinged hips. 

He's not taking his time with you. Not teasing or planning or thinking. You can tell by the undone grunts and groans he’s submitting to you already, that -for once- he is far too consumed by his own need to contemplate yours. Can tell by the sloppy pace of his thrusts and the lack of attention to your clit or your breasts or anything else but filling you - his hands fisting in the meat of your hips as he takes what he needs, gives what you crave – that he’s not even trying to make you come… but goddamn it if he isn’t going to get you there all the same. 

Soon too. 

God, the head of him is rubbing exactly where you need, and you can’t remember the last time you felt this good with a dick inside you. Your cunt is primed for him, still sensitive from where his fingers fucked you open and it isn’t going to take you long at all to reach your peak. 

Even without seeing him properly, in the misted-up mirror, you can tell that Santiago is going feral behind you. Filling you deeply and haphazardly, his fingers leaving imprints on your skin. 

You hear a snarl, and see a pearly flash of teeth as his lip curls up from how good you’re making him feel. 

“Fuucckk,” he groans, his head tipped back now, that pretty chin pointing up to the sky and his mouth dropping open – you can vaguely see in the mirror

His broad hand smooths firmly down the middle of your back and over your ass - grabbing handfuls of you- before he retraces his path, sliding his hand up between your shoulder blades and winding his hand in your hair, grabbing and pulling until your spine is curled back for him like a bow, your ass arced up and allowing him a deeper angle of penetration which sends tingles all the way to the tips of your toes when he hits just right. 

You practically yowl for him, your whole body trembling and shaking, sweat trickling down the centre of your cleavage as the layers you did not have time to dispense of overheat your skin. As your clit is nudged into the lip of the counter in a way that shouldn’t work for you, probably, but totally does, the intermittent slap of Santiago’s hips against you providing a pleasing rhythm. 

It’s uncomfortable, and hot, and cramped, and in some ways painful to be rammed up against the surface like this, but you wouldn’t tell him to stop for the world. You wouldn’t tell him to stop because the way he’s taking you feels divine, Santiago burying his want for you as deep as it will go, releasing his punctuated, abortive gusts of breath in time with his thrusts.

You feel drips land on the small of your back, and whether its water cascading from his dampened curls or beads of sweat from the exertion rolling down his temples you do not know or care. 

You only know that you want more. 

Determined as ever, you plant your hands firmly on the counter as he fucks you near boneless, driving through your hips until you meet his thrusts, working him up higher, finding the angle which hits just right and-

“Unnnngggg.” A whimper falls from his pretty mouth and his thrusts are suddenly far more shallow, slow, nudging against your nervy, sensitive entrance. His breaths are coming in deeper, heavy gusts now and you might be afraid that he was about to stop - if you weren’t so sure that he was, in fact, gearing up. 

“Santiago,” you complain as he blunts the sharp edge of your precipice with the break in rhythm. You urge him to give you more, and he uncurls his fingers from your hair and adjusts position. 

Obligingly, he wraps his stronger arm around your chest to guide you closer to standing, pressing his chest to your back, his head hooking over your shoulder. And, with his other arm, he reaches forward towards the steamed mirror, using his palm to clear a window from the condensation. 

“I wanna see you,” he rasps, a hoarse, gritty whisper in the shell of your ear. “Wanna watch you.” 

God, it’s too much. The way his arm is wrapped around your front, strong and yet tender as his forearm braces across your chest and his fingers dance tenderly over your jaw. The wracked, undone voice of him, whisper soft. The contrast between this and the certainty of his thrusts as he finds a new rhythm. As you find a new rhythm together, entirely in sync. 

Slowly, so slowly, he draws out of you, ensuring you can feel every single inch of him, the tantalising drag of him through your folds making your quiver. Then, he snaps back into you all at once, so suddenly shoving himself up into you, balls slapping against your ass, each repetition of this pattern building you up. God, you want him to spill himself inside you, and you think vaguely that it is the only thing which could quench you. 

It is your undoing when his eyes find yours in the mirror, and this all becomes real. No longer fantasy like your unreliable recollections of him all these months. No longer shapeless, tangled, blurry bodies, but now so very suddenly, you are looking at you and him, with all that means. 

The look in his eyes gives form to this act, as though the love settled in them is the very thing giving form to the way he fills you. He is at once stern - his brow burdened, heavy-lidded with need, his eyes sunk into a pit of desire - yet soft. His strong nose is crushed up against you as his lips caress your neck. His eyes dance over your face, taking you in as you languish up against him. 

His eyes are molten when they find you again, dancing with a soft, subtle heat not unlike firelight, long lashes fluttering in disbelief at the sight of you. At the feel of you wrapped around him. No longer just a body or some carnal need, shapeless and intangible. 

Instead, Santiago and you, and your bodies moving as one. 

His soft lips and rasp of stubble break from the column of your neck as his thrusts become sloppy, and you feel his hot breaths come thick and fast against your skin now. 

He missed you.

He missed you, and this is what he’d meant. Had meant he needed to feel you wrapped around his dick. Moaning his name. Needed to see you being his. Missed you being his. God, you missed that too, in so many ways. 

A moan rips through you as you approach your peak, and you plead profusely with him. 

“Don’t stop. Santi. Please.” 

You don’t ever want him to stop. 

As you clamp down on him, your fluttering core wrings his own orgasm from him too, and then he’s pulsing his load into you, thick and warm and abundant, his thighs quaking against yours and his arms gripping on to you more tightly – this time for purchase – as though this might be the time his knees finally buckle if he doesn’t hold on to you. 

You can feel his racing heartbeat hammer from his chest to yours as he holds you flush to him. Can feel his mouth suck at the column of your neck, his tongue sliding along your pulse point and tasting your perfume. 

You come down from your high, thrumming with it. Wet and messy between your legs as Santi drags his softening dick out of you, letting your juices and his seed slip down your inner thighs. 

You feel good. Blissed out. But, as ever, with you and Santiago, there’s always a catch. The joy is immense, but, guaranteed that one of you - if not both - will find a way to ensure it is short-lived. 

Indeed. All too soon, you begin to feel that creeping sense of regret hollow-out your stomach. 

You can see it on his face too. The uncertainty. The lack of understanding of what this all means. About what to do next. It is evident from the way he so quickly moves away from you, picking up his shorts and t-shirt and covering up his body. Similarly, you hike up your jeans without even cleaning up, and as much as you might have hoped for a joyful, intimate moment, you know that it’s already too late for that. The moment that the insecurity, doubt and uncertainty had crept in on each of your faces it had become self-reinforcing. A spiral. Running in circles. 

“Shit,” you sound out, in a clear peal of regret, planting a hand over your face in distress - despite everything. 

“Sounds about right,” Santiago agrees in a monotone, brows drawn down and his gaze fixing on a spot of tile, unable to look you in the eye, despite having been buried inside you only moments ago. 

“No,” you stress, bringing a second hand to your face. There’s something else. Something that makes you feel stupid and sick. “I…. I mean, shit. I changed my birth control up and I… I mean we…” Santiago snaps his eyes back up to you now, alright. You curse when you note the writhing of his taut jaw, set and a little annoyed. Your softly puffed expletive which follows is contrite, but it doesn’t help. 

It’s not like you -or him- to make a mistake like that. And yet, you had all the same. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

You bristle at his harsh, accusatory tone. How quickly things sour. “It’s not like you checked!” It is his turn to bristle now, and so you opt to be harsher still. “Besides, I didn’t exactly think you were going to be quite so quick on the trigger, Santi.”

He narrows his eyes at you, his riposte about his stamina not even required. He got you off, didn’t he? So, your attempted distraction is futile, as he manages to stay alarmingly on topic. You fold your arms across your chest as he steps towards you, feeling on the back-foot as his flattened palm nags through the air to punctuate his words. “It didn’t occur to you to mention that before we fucked?” 

“I forgot. I switched up my method and I’m not technically covered yet. It’s marginal, you know. Most likely fine. I mean, what’s another 24 hours? Besides, I didn’t exactly plan on this, did I?” 

He scoffs, then he purses his mouth until much of the colour drains from his lips. “Oh yeah. Sure you didn’t.” 

You raise your eyebrows, and jut a hip out to the side for good measure. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

Santiago shakes his head softly. Plants his hands on his wide hips, making himself larger. You don’t shrink back from him, but you note it. “For real?” He flashes his line of teeth now, a lopsided, disbelieving lilt of his lips – no happiness in it. Not at all. “I know you love to pretend like I’m the bad guy, right? That serves your narrative or whatever? Bullshit, honey. You knew exactly what you were doing tonight.” You snort out a huff of air through your nose, your look all steel as you prepare to deny his claims. You falter though, with his next words. “I can’t get off without you, Santiago?” he mimics, and your comeback dies on your lips. “You wanna put this all on me now? Believe me, I gave it everything I had to stay out of-“

“-My vagina? Yeah, great job, Pope.” You throw your hands up in the air and they slump right back down again. “You’ve had everything up in there except your damn tongue.”

“Let’s go then, sweetie,” he challenges, nodding to the rear of you, his voice taut rather than inviting. “Hop up on the counter and spread your legs, I’ll make it 3 for 3.”

It’s unfamiliar to you, this tone of his. It makes your heartbeat rage. You swear you can even feel the pulse of it in your tongue. “Fuck. Whatever. I’m not having this conversation with you.” Your adrenaline spikes at the prospect of another argument and you turn on your heel, looking for an exit. 

However, before you can retreat, Santiago’s broad palm contacts your arm to stop you – open hand, no force applied – and you turn your head over your shoulder. “At least tell me you’re going to take care of this,” he bites off, with a clear attempt to restrain his aggravation, expression sullen. 

“Of course I am.”

“How?” 

You think. “I’ll go to the pharmacy in the morning. I’ll deal with it.” You pump your brows emphatically. “Okay?” 

You shrug his hand off of you then with apparent disdain for his touch, and in spite of his (relative) tolerance of your acerbic tone, that is apparently the move which fractures his composure. “You know what actually blows my mind? The way you can be nice to me just long enough to get yours. Pretty fucking convenient.” 

You feel your face twist with the weight of a sour expression, mirroring his. “Why are you always like this?” You don’t wait to hear his answer, the adrenalin propelling you away, down the hall and closer to your room, but his footfalls follow closely behind you, hot on your heels. Your voice is a whispered hiss, as, somewhere in the back of your mind, you are vaguely aware of the need to keep it down – the other boys are lights out by now. “Why can you never just fuck me and be happy about it, huh?” You spin to face him, chest to chest and facing off. 

“I knew this was a fucking mistake.” 

Your pulse is in your throat. “Right. Maybe it was. That’s all I ever was to you, I guess.” 

Your voices raise, slowly creeping up in volume as you each get lost in this intimate bubble of angst. Of resentment. On some level, you know you could stop now - before it gets worse and you say things you will only regret (or worse, hear things you’ll wish you hadn’t). You know that you should stop, but it feels… oddly necessary. 

Like it’s inevitable. Like you’ve been waiting all this time to fuck and fight because it’s all you know how to do with him anymore. At least, it’s all you know how to do when loving him heart and soul seems off the table. 

The space your bodies create is tight, leaning into each other’s circle of personal space. 

Santiago’s fingers bridge like a claw and he taps them against his own chest, his eyes needling you like he could sew this up once and for all. Tie off all those loose threads of blame which sit frayed between you. He’s angry. Angry and riled and pissed and even so, there is still this eerie sense of calm about him. 

You’ve seen him really let loose. You’ve seen him kill, for Christ’s sake, and yet he’s still measured and restrained in the face of you. That should make it easier to bear the brunt of his sharp edges, but that’s not quite so. There’s something about the precision of his anger when it’s focussed on you. The fact it feels so considered, so targeted only makes it cut deeper. “You know what? I’m tired as shit of always being the fucking bad guy here. You wanna get into it, huh?” His voice breaks now, splitting like shrapnel, lodging in your chest. “I told you I love you and you fucking left me.” 

“That’s fucking bullshit!”  

He’s not happy that you said that. He rocks from foot to foot like he’s priming for something. Scoops a hand over his jaw, around his taut mouth. You’re close enough to hear it rasp, the fleck of his stubble bristling against his palm. “Oh, it’s bullshit?”

Your voice comes out hot now, your words bitten off between your teeth, flecks of spit cast from your mouth. “Yes! Because if I hadn’t left you never would have told me! You told me because I left you! You told me to fucking punish me. To try and drag me back in.” 

“Wow. Jesus fucking...” He laughs, but it is a cold, brief sound. “That’s fucking rich, cariño.” His eyes glint like knife licks, and he plants his hand indignantly against his chest, jutting up his chin. Puffing up his chest and making his body all angles. Protecting himself. “That’s really what you think of me, huh?” You try to look away from him, but his eyes chase you for an answer. 

Is it? Is that what you genuinely think of your best friend? Is that what you think he’s done to you? Tried to do? 

If so, no wonder you’re so fucking angry. No wonder your body is trembling with it. 

But the truth is, when pushed on it, you have no intelligible retort you can form. No evidence you can offer. So, instead, in your panic over losing ground, you opt to minimise. You throw your hand up dismissively and you turn on your heel, stomping towards your door at the end of the hall. “Fuck this.”

This time, his footsteps do not follow, even if you can still feel his eyes boring into your back. You think that might even be the end of things, until…

“No,” he sounds. A forceful, robust note which fills the whole hallway. A command to wait. This isn’t over. 

With you and him, it’s never going to be over, is it? 

You turn towards him and he is fixed in position, stance set wide and chin dipped down, eyes blackened half moons as he looks at you. “Just let me get this straight. If I’m the one who drags you back in? What the shit do you call what you just did?”

You scoff. “You were a very willing participant, Pope. Or, I dunno. Why don’t you just consider it payback for all the times you fucked me around?” 

He’s biting words back as he listens to you now. You can see them, in the tilt of his head and the flare of his nostrils. In the flip and curl of his tongue settled around his upper lip, dragging back and forth just below his filtrum. “Revenge, then? Really? Is that what this weekend has been about for you? You really that vindictive?”

“No. Don’t be ridiculous.” You dismiss him again, as though not one of his complaints about you can possibly be valid. Or, rather, revealing you are currently unwilling to admit it even if they are. After all, you’re as stubborn as he is. Each of you trying so desperately to palm off the blame for how fucked up this became. 

Santiago paces towards you then, footfalls rhythmic and steady as he swallows the space between you in the hall. “Jesus. You don’t even give a shit, do you? Think I deserve to have my heart crushed into fucking dust?” 

Hot, angry tears spike at the corner of your eyes as you spit your words, jabbing his shoulder with your pointer finger. “Like you give a shit that I left?” 

His dense brows draw down, his whole face a grimace, his voice practically booming throughout the hallway, close enough that the sound of it rumbles in your chest. “I don’t know how else I can say it. I never wanted to lose you.”

“Yeah? Well you never fucking had to!”

Santiago is the one who turns from you now, pacing back in a loop, both hands lifting and dragging backward through his grizzled curls, flattening them to his head in disbelief. He rounds back to you, spittle glistening on his lower lip from his tirade. He’s waving his arms now, everything being thrown upward just like the hideous lurch in your stomach. “You’re the one who ran from this!”

Well, that’s the biggest pile of shit you ever heard. You fold your arms to your chest, becoming guarded and taut where he becomes more frenzied. “Oh ho ho,” you scoff. “Now that’s a grade A delusion, right there.” He mumbles something under his breath, shaking his head from side to side in a long, disbelieving drag. In denial. Still. “You’ve been running, Santiago. You’ve done nothing but run from this. Even the whole time I was right next to you. Especially then.”

He steps towards you, driving your body back into the door without making a scrap of contact with you. From the force of him alone. He leans his face in real close, his movements disconcertingly slow - cautious and deliberate. It’s not threatening – you don’t feel physically unsafe at all - but you can tell from the flare of his nostrils and that gunpowder glint in his eye that while his movements may be constrained, he’s still arming himself with a coming barrage. 

You flatten yourself – your back to the shut paneled door-  and Santiago lifts his hand, reaching up to you. Pincering your chin deceptively tenderly between his thumb and forefinger, making sure you look at him. “Right. And you’ve been so perfect, huh?” His eyes needle you, making it impossible for you to wheedle out of this one. To dismiss him. He’s making sure you take at least some accountability for your part in this. “Fucking other guys to get back at me? Insisting we keep it a secret? Pissing off to another fucking continent, two days early, by the way, before we’d even put things right?” You break eye contact, your vision of him blurred by wilful tears. He releases your chin from his grip then, but the space between you remains tight. Close, even as you feel a million miles from him. “Christ - it’s like you never fucking wanted this to work. Never believed I was worth it. How am I supposed to work with that?”

Hot, spiking tears spill over onto your cheeks. You scrub them away with a flattened palm but it still doesn’t slow them down. 

“Please,” you beg limply, shaking your head from side to side. You want him to stop this. You just want this to be over. 

“I was never the guy someone would bring home to their mama, was I? Too fucked up and too broken for that? Hands too bloody, right, to be good enough for you?” You balk audibly in protest at his words, but even so, it sends a hot flash of heat to your cheeks. 

Is there some truth in it? 

Had you been afraid of what he’d done, even though the blood on his hands matches yours? Or… maybe because of it? 

Your lower lip begins to tremble as the ire in Santiago’s eyes burns you, hot like coals. But he has more to say. “I get it. It’s easier to blame me for everything that got fucked up, right?” He beats his palm emphatically against his chest and flattens it there. “I’m hardly a fucking Saint, I’ll admit that much. But do you honestly think that I ever wanted to hurt you? That this doesn’t fucking hurt me?” 

No. You want to say “no”. No. That’s not what you believe at all, but instead the words that find their way out are cruel and petty. “Well you did. You hurt me!” 

You wish you could get rid of it, this anger in your chest. You only want to love him… but you tried that, and since it didn’t work, it somehow feels like the anger is all you have left to fill this hole in your middle.

His eyes tighten, and Santiago jabs his finger back and forth, his voice hoarse as he pushes the words out from the pit of his chest. “It never mattered, what I did or didn’t do. It was never going to be good enough for you.” 

“That’s not true. At all!” You spit back. “It’s you who thought that. Not me. Not me. You wouldn’t even fucking try.”  

Santiago scrubs a tear away from his own cheek now. His voice creaks and cracks apart. “I tried. I did. But you only want me under certain conditions right. If I quit. If I get out. Maybe if I’m someone fucking else.”

“That’s not fair, that’s not how it is. For fuck’s sake, Santi.”

You are both entirely undone now with this ugly rage, tears wetting your cheeks, and this resentment and blame twisting your words and your faces into something unrecognisable. 

That makes it all the worse when Frankie’s torso pokes out of his door in the hallway. You know that the two of you are not yourselves. Frankie’s face twists with disappointment and concern in equal measure, and you fold your arms across your chest defensively, feeling embarrassed that he is seeing you this way. At your worst. Why do you and Santiago always seem to bring out the worst in each other? You’d swear blind to anyone that he’s the best person you know. 

“Guys. What the fuck?” Frankie ventures. His voice is grogged by sleep, and you get the feeling he would step out into the hall if he wasn’t entirely nude behind the door frame. 

Feeling suddenly ashamed, with the contrasting softness of Frankie’s eyes on yours, you feel the urge to run from yourself and what you’ve become, all twisted up like this. You push past Santiago in the hallway, storming down the stairs as tears now cascade freely down your cheeks. You don’t even make an attempt to mop them up now, letting them course down and drip from the point of your chin. 

Then, with an aggravated sigh, Santiago follows you too, in pursuit, despite Frankie’s barked pleas that he “leave it alone, cabrón”. 

You push out of the threshold and into the night, the cooler air a welcome relief. You pace away from the house, wanting to leave it, to leave him entirely, but your body will not let you. Will not carry you far enough away, and your steps quickly run out of steam. 

When Santiago finds you, you are stood with your back to him, looking out towards the white crash of waves. He comes and stands next to you, hands gently clenched by his sides. 

“Look,” he begins, staring out at the expanse of water. You feel your anger cresting and with it comes a wave of sadness. “I love you. But maybe you’re right. Maybe… we’re not good for each other. Maybe we just… can’t make each other happy.” 

You shake your head softly. Tip your eyes to the sky to stave off yet more tears. “I just wish we’d never changed things.” You wish more than anything that you could simply swallow it. Go back to how things were before. 

“Don’t,” Santi implores, turning to you with his hands cupped as though in offering, soft and haphazard and trying to catch on your elbow, your shoulder, your hand. “Don’t say that. Please. No matter how fucked this got… You’re the best thing I ever-” 

But, your anger is not done. Your palms raise in the air, forming a barrier between your bodies - a defence against his brutal love - and you snatch yourself away from him. Your voice is once again harsh as it rings in accusation, words tearing from your lips like bullets. “-Let go?”

There is a beat. 

“Seriously. You’re gonna stand there and tell me I could I have fucking stopped you?” 

You raise your palms and plant them to your face, splayed fingers tugging in disbelief from your temples, sliding down to your mouth - drawing your cheeks into a grimace. You look at him and his face is once again taut with blame. His mouth a thin, downturned line. But even now….. Somehow, even now, you want to kiss him. Want to kiss him until he is soft again, like you know he can be. 

Why would he never turn soft for you - not all the way? Soft in your arms? Why would he never? 

He shifts his weight from foot-to-foot under your scrutiny. He sees the anger melt away from your face, but his is not done. “I mean, fuck. What do you want from me, huh? You want me to come with you? Just drop everything?” 

“Just stop, Santi,” you plead, weakly, but there’s no way he heard you over his own tirade.

“My whole career. This shit I’ve got going on with Lorea. Pick-up and move here? Huh? Tell me? What do you want from me?” 

You fold your arms across your chest, closing yourself off to him. “Please, just drop it.” 

“You want me to have dinners with you and your family on Sundays? Take the nephews to the playpark, huh?” 

He won’t stop. He won’t stop talking, stop pushing you, and you can’t take it. You’re going to snap. 

“Go fucking grocery shopping? And get married and have babies and-?” 

“Yes!” you finally yell, your whole body craning forward as you fire your answer out through your throat, the word coming out scuffed and sudden; but nothing if not truthful. Your eyes go wide, quivering with tears as well as the shock of your revelation. The shock of revealing something you can barely even admit to yourself. 

That is what you want. With him. 

Santiago is evidently as shocked as you are too. Stunned into silence, in fact. He takes a perceptible step back from you, punching out a breath like he’s just been struck with a body shot. All the tension drops from his limbs, and his arms flop uselessly to his sides.

But, instead of backtracking, from somewhere, somehow, you finally find the courage to stand in your truth. “Yes,” you say shakily. “I want that, you asshole.” And, at those words, you interpret the most repulsive thing you’ve seen in his eyes all night. Pity. “And you, meanwhile? You’d rather get shot in the guts than do that with me, wouldn’t you? Something so mundane as being happy? Something so fucking worthless as loving me?” You tear your head away from him, whip your gaze away as you cannot bear to look at him. Cannot bear to see your true wants rejected. With a final question, you stab your pointer finger against your sternum with enough force that it hurts. “I’m not a mission, so I’m not worth it right? Not important?”

He shoves his hands in his back pockets, his gaze dropping to the floor, to a neutral spot between you. His voice all but cracks apart, small and broken. “I told you that I love you.” 

“That wasn’t enough!” You bite your words off before you can even think, and his eyes snap back up to yours then. Wounded. Glassy. You regret the words as soon as you have spoken them, but it is far too late to recall them now. You can see that they cut him - and you can even understand why they would hurt. What an awful thing to have said, you think; that his love wasn’t enough. 

It was everything. 

Everything. 

Wasn’t it? 

Even so, here you stand, still waiting and hoping that he can offer you something more than that alone. A solution, perhaps. A way to fix this. 

Instead though, Santiago simply nods slowly. Contemplatively. In resignation. He stands eerily still. Eerily quiet. Entirely stoic. “Right. Well.” His hand rasps back and forth over his stubble, and his voice is entirely sunken. Defeated. He’s a soldier. Your friend. Your lover. But most of all, now he’s someone who appears to have stopped fighting for you. He looks you in the eye, all of his anger dissipated. Voice scrubbed clean and entirely dispassionate. “That’s too bad then. Because I don’t have anything else I can give you.”

He turns from you now, and you grab onto his arm. “Believe me. The only thing I ever wanted from you… With you, was a future, Santiago.”  

It breaks your heart when he quietly, slowly extricates his arm from your grasp, slipping through your fingers like fine sands. Did you really think that you could do that? That you could keep on pushing him, without eventually pushing him away? 

A divot notches in his brow. “Mmm-hmm. Well I guess we fucked any shot at that now, didn’t we?” 

You search his ashen eyes - almost in desperation - for some of that all too familiar fire. For any sort of spark for you. 

Godammit, as soon as the anger has gone, you want it back. You want something; only because it seems a damn sight better than nothing at all. 

You can’t handle it - the thought that any future with him is being taken off of the table once and for all. You know - if you step back from this - that you’ve been far from perfect. That you’ve been bitter, volatile, reactive. Maybe even cruel, at times. You know, in truth, that you shouldn’t be so hung up on the past -on what happened all those months ago and beyond- but it’s the only thing Santiago has ever given you to dwell on. How were you supposed to move on, when he’s never been able to look ahead with you?

Still, all of a sudden, being faced with any and all possibilities of a future with him being ripped away from you, it is all you want to talk about. The past and your grievances and the blame now seem wholly irrelevant. You feel bile rise into your mouth. “Listen. It doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Just… How do we get past this, Santiago? That’s what matters.”

He stops, halting his retreat back to the house. He turns, slowly. And, Santiago takes your hands into each of his. Looks at you solemnly, as your eyes flit over his face in doubt and fear and regret. He bundles your hands up together, sandwiching them together between his warm, steady palms and he gives them a squeeze - full of finality. “Maybe… Maybe we don’t,” he sounds, flatly, voice scrubbed clean of emotion. And, the only thing worse than hearing his words out loud, is that he looks like he believes them. 

For once, Santiago “Pope” Garcia seems cold, and it hurts more than any of his fire has ever burnt you. Maybe the anger, horrible as it feels, is better. Because it is better than nothing. Better than losing him altogether. 

After all, what is it that happens when the fire goes out? 

Well, you suddenly feel like you’re about to find out. 

You suddenly feel like it’s truly about to be over. 

And so, you clasp your hands over your mouth and you sob, fleeing towards the interior of the house, because you have no place else left to run but away from him.

[lawlieisinsane]

being insane about stars, number 3, thought it'd be fun to talk about tidbits of my experience and have it recorded somewhere.

I streamed the game! If you'd like to give me some support or watch those moments I'm about to talking about for yourself, here ya go:

Half of these are also things I thought but forgor to mention on stream

Anyway!! In no particular order...

- I loved Mirabelle from the start!!! She just looks so CUTE

- I thought the change god statue was change (money) and thought the statue was gonna give me money until someone started saying about it

- I did NOT know it was a timeloop game. My friend and beloved gifted me isat so I just thought oh how cute-- what the fuck why. No I didn't read the steam page. No I got no spoilers LOL

- so I got scared shitless when I looped the first time!!! Then got scared shitless AGAIN with the Head Housemaiden, the song changed and I went WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT!!!!

- when I saw Loop I instantly fell in love. Baby! Also immediately thought haha you're weird, are you hiding something? Looks like a funny person who's mean/funny to avoid feelings, hmm

- when loop asked who or what do you think I am!!!, I grabbed the both funniest and most logical explanation I thought, "me", but then thought hm .. you're a star, you're probably my wish or a deity who thought oh damn that guys pathetic lemme go help him. I didn't expect to be RIGHT

- I kept making lists to send to my friend about where I should go cuz my memory's SHIT, and in all those I included a bullet point of "strangle loop" lmfao

- first time I saw the island things, I looked at Siffrin and thought oh are you from there? And then the dialogue about his bg, I thought oh you had trauma and can't remember, didn't you?

- Thankfully friend also told me to interact with coin to trigger The Incident. I triggered that, I THINK after a perfect loop, inside the boulangerie, staring at the croissants on the table, and it was also the first thing I did on the stream that day. When the dialogue said "You run off from the boulangerie", and later went back from fading to black and I was still there I thought HEY we're still here tho-- oh.

- I don't remember if my friend said to talk to Loop after this (think yes but I forgor), but since I love them, I was anyway I just had a break down, Loop look at my cool coin-- then things happened and I went I JUST GOT HERE WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME

- Change god interaction traumatized me! I'm never speaking with them again

- I kept saying Loop could be my therapist instead

- why's the king waist so grababble. Fr. Weird guy

- at the start I NEEDED to give flower to king, thinking if he gets some love and a snack everything will be fine! I didn't know you actually could, friend told me later

- i follow the dev on bluesky so I saw a post of them holding a Bonnie figurine and though oh haha cute!! grabbing them like a hamster!! i didn`t kNOW

- the king hides snacks in the pillars and also hes probably crying because the party stepped on his hair in the door for the third floor. Or because he's hungry. or because he's pathetic. Or all of the above.

- kept calling the starry door the "loop door", it's theirs I don't make the rules

- Messing around with my friend, apparently I kept saying sus things like "you can be both Loop and Siffrin!", or "if it's the wish that caused this why don't I just wish to stop it. Like get me out of here thanks", or "is king my dad or something. who made me."

- siffrin and the other siffrins Mal du pays should start a band and start dancing

- I love odile. She's my third fav, first being loop then Siffrin

- "this is the house of leaves" i said, then said "nah actually this is the house of can't leaves get me out of here". I'd make siffrin read house of leaves, honestly

- kept insisting to do most playthrugs without skipping so I saw a lot of cool internal thoughts and stuff!

- my funniest joke was probably "hey odile check out how hard I can dissociate" on her quest and skipped the entire dialogue

- there are 19 birds in Dormont. :)

- did not get a bunch of special dialogues because i cannot be mean to my pixel family

- I did not actually defeat loop. I let them get me instead, they were always my fav I couldn't do it lmao

- when loop was teaching the secret hand shape and said "put your finger next to your mouth" or something i actually bit my finger and then the realization hit and i OH YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!!!! i love and hate you.

- later on I convinced myself that Loop was “a star”, and “my wish”, and I still didn’t KNOW

- once Siffrin stopped saying peeou, peeou! I started doing it for them because I gotchu buddy I’ll get your whimsy back

- on the tutorial I gave the wrong answers purposefully to see the answers and then the game gave me a helpful little chart and I thought “holy fuck I’m being berated, how dare you”, but little did I know that ended up being very very helpful to me because I forger easily

- I actually did destroy the king with one good crit from Siffrin one time. It was funny.

- I also counted the rocks. I forgor how many there are, but almost twice as many as there are birbs

- jingle jangle bell pendant is my favorite souvenir ever. Ding ding!!!

some more fun things i remembered

-finished with around 50 hours, 79 loops. Siffrin actually forgor SO many of them, i swear the god i was around 40-50 and then suddenly oh woopsie loop 66, loop 69, loop 77. Id probably taken more time if it weren't for friends guiding me (i love u friends) or my worry to see through everything again and make it boring for the audience

-pretty sure i said or thought "the nostalgia sadnesses are loop shaped!! which are also Siffrin shaped!! all triangles!"

-cannot remember shit from the house even tho i did it in its entirerity many times. i still dont know places. rip.

-"oh you trapped yourself in the loops, didn't you?"

-i forgor what wish siffrin made at the start but went "I bet you wished yourself into the timeloops", then friends were asking "whats your wish siffrin", SORRY I FORGOR

-every memory i got with "you'll always remember this" message I kept saying "will I? Suspicious...~

thats all I can think for now. bye

[bteezxyewriter12]

Back to Me

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word count- 5k

Includes- Angst, Fluff

Based on the song Back to Me by the Rose

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho @bykeynote

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Seonghwa Masterlist

Seonghwa POV

Sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, I wait for her to come home

This is the only way I can see her, the only way I know to get her to talk to me

To get her back

Called me all day

But I never pick up

Instead of pulling my weight

Always pushing my luck

Our relationship was volatile near the end

It didn't start out that way

Meeting in high school, high school sweethearts

Falling completely in love

I finally had someone who loved me, who cared, who'd do anything for me

My childhood and teenage years were awful

My parents were complete assholes and abusive

But when I met her.....it's like everything fell into place

Everything was worth living for again

As long as she smiled at me, I was happy

As long as she kissed me, I was loved

As long as she held me, I was safe

As long as she loved me, I was worth it

Then we graduated

She went to college to become a teacher

I didn't go to college and started my string of dead end jobs

But we were still happy

We moved in together and everything was amazing

Until I started drinking

And kept on drinking

And I started treating her like crap

I'm a mean drunk and I fought with her all the time over nothing

Screaming matches, I'd make her cry then I'd leave, disappearing for days

She'd call me all day and I wouldn't pick up the phone

The times I did pick up was to yell at her to leave me alone

I'd flirt with other girls

I never cheated on her, I would never and even when I did flirt it was just to get drinks at the bar because I was always broke

Spending our money on alcohol

Money we needed for rent and bills

Money that she was making for us

You gave me all that I could take

Yeah, I took it all for granted

And through it all, she loved me

Accepted my apologies when I used to give them in the beginning

I'd cry, beg her to forgive me and she always did

After awhile I knew my sorries meant nothing because I kept doing the same things, so I stopped apologizing

Act like nothing happened whenever I came back home or woke up the next day

And she never said a word, never demanded an apology, just told me she loves me over and over

Offer her help which I accepted when I was sober and ignored when I was drunk

I took her for granted

I took her love for granted

I thought she'd always be there

And now she's not

I remember thinking

I don't need you

But then time passed by

And it's so untrue

Now I'm the rain over your parade

Reason you're over me

When we had fights and I was so incensed, I used to think I didn't need her

And when she broke up with me three months ago, I yelled in her face that I don't need her

After the break up I kept thinking, convincing myself, I didn't need her

I was better off without her

I didn't need her nagging

Didn't need her help she offered with my drinking problem

I didn't need her smile, didn't need her holding me

I didn't need her love

I was fine

But in the back of my head I knew it wasn't true

And as time passes I'm not denying that it's untrue anymore

I can't stop thinking about her

I miss her so much it physically hurts

It's killing me to not wake up to her every morning, to not have her in my arms, to not have her to come home too

I'm dying without her

I love her more than anything in this world

But she's over me

And it hurts so fucking much, I can't breathe

The worst part

It's all my fault

Calling all day

Tryna make things right

Since you told me hit the road

I've been running on empty

If anything I know

It's how to ruin a happy ending

Ever since Wooyoung sent me that fucking picture, I've been calling her all day for the last two days

And jokes on me because now she's not picking up the phone

And I'm feeling the way she felt when I wouldn't pick up

Panicky

Upset

Desperate to hear her voice

Worried

I've been falling apart since she threw me out of her apartment but I hid it, pushed it away

I was angry she left me and I blamed everything on her

I held on to the anger for a few weeks until the pain of not being with her was too much and I couldn't hide it anymore

We were on our way to a happy ending until I fucked it up

I just had to start drinking and ruin everything

She always said I was the one she wanted forever, the one she'd marry, have a family with and I wanted that desperately too

But I ruined it all

I remember when you still needed me

Don't know how I let it go so easily

But I always keep making the same mistakes

Maybe I never deserved you anyways

I never deserved her

I knew that from the moment she said yes to me

I was always made to believe I was worthless, a loser, going nowhere in life by my parents and my family

Until her

But I always knew I didn't deserve her

I was always grateful for her love

Happy she loved me, she wanted me

Even after everything started falling apart, she stayed, continued to love me

I didn't deserve that

Not when I fought with her constantly, when I left her alone when she needed me

When I made her cry

I couldn't stand to see her cry, knowing she was crying because of me and I had to leave

I should of stayed there with her, held her, apologized, comforted her

But I ran away

She needed me and I left her

She always said she needed me but she really didn't

I needed her but she didn't need me

She said she needed me to hold her at night, she needed to cuddle me when we watched TV, she needed me with her, near her, she needed my love

I wasn't sure about that then or even now but I do know that the times she did truly need me, when she was crying, when I left her alone for days, I wasn't there

I ignored her

I failed her

I can make you mad

I can make you scream

I can make you cry

I can make you leave

I can make you hate me

For everything

I can make a world out of broken dreams

I can make you say things you don't mean

I can unmake all we were made to be

But I can't make you come back to me

I know whenever we fought it drove her crazy

I'd say stupid shit, making her angry, making her say things I knew she didn't mean

Like I'm a jerk, an asshole, a stupid idiot, a drunk

Made her threaten to leave me

Make her scream at me

She'd never wanted to fight, always tried to diffuse the situation but I kept going, pushing her buttons until she lost it

I made her leave the fight a few times

Making it too much for her to deal with that she just walked away

Lock herself in the bedroom or go stay at her friend's house

I made her cry way too many times

I always said I'd never make her cry when we first got together

But I failed miserably at that

The last fight we had, the one that finally broke her was bad

I was drunk at some bar, flirting with some girl to get her to pay for my drinks

One of my friends called her to come and get me

I remember the hurt on her face when she saw me laughing with the other girl

Smiling, flirting, the girl touching my bicep I was flexing for her

Even though I was drunk, I saw how unhappy she was, how sad and I hated myself

She came over to me and told me she came to bring me home

I fought with her, because of course I did

I told her to go the fuck away, leave me alone

She wouldn't leave, begging me to come home with her

"Please Hwannie. Come home"

She tugged on my arm and I was so out of it, I let her drag me out of the bar

When the cool air hit me once we were out in the street, it woke me up a bit and I realized she was taking me home

Walking me to her car

And I snapped

"Get the fuck off me!", I shouted, pulling my arm out of her grip

"Hwa, stop baby. You need to come home and sleep this off"

"I don't want to go anywhere with you!", I shouted, ashamed of how I was acting and that just pissed me off more

"Seonghwa!"

"You go home. I don't want to fucking go there. I hate being there"

"I'm there baby", she whispered

"I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be around you! All you do is fight with me and it's annoying! You're fucking annoying!"

I remember her starting to cry and it infuriated me

I was angry with myself and took it out on her

I was screaming at her to shut the fuck up in the middle of the sidewalk, to get the fuck away from me, that I wanted her gone

"Seonghwa, I love you-"

"I don't care!", I screamed, "I don't want you! I can't stand you!"

She cried harder, "I...I can't do this anymore Seonghwa. I love you so much but I can't take this anymore. You've been gone for five days and I just want you home with me"

"I don't want to go home! I want to go back inside, I want to drink and flirt with girls who'll buy me what I want!"

She shook her head, "Seonghwa, if you....if you don't come home with me that's it. It's over. You and me....it's over. I love you but I can't drive myself crazy worrying about you, fighting with you. You need help and I want to help you"

"I don't want your help!", I shouted, "I don't fucking need you!"

I remember the tears rolling down her face as she said, "If you don't come home with me right now, then don't come back"

"Fine", I snapped, then turned around and walked right back to the bar, her sobs making me angry at the moment but remembering it now, those sobs break me

I went back to the bar and drank until I blacked out

I woke up on Hongjoong's couch

I found out later that she texted Hongjoong to watch me and bring me to his house

He told me what happened the night before, that her and I were over

I didn't believe him, taking for granted that she wouldn't really leave me

I drank the next night and the next, staying away from the apartment

I only realized everything was real, she really left me, was when I woke up in Hongjoong's apartment three days later and all my stuff was in his living room in boxes

I asked him what the fuck was going on and he reminded me that we broke up

He relayed the fight again, relayed how I made the decision by walking away from her and how she was following through with that decision

He told me she packed all my stuff and asked him to come get it

And I knew in that moment that I took everything too far

I unmade everything we were and everything we were supposed to be

That was the day my world ended, the day I pushed it all away until slowly, bit by bit I'm here now, utterly broken and desperate to talk to her

I could do all the wrong things but I can't make her come back to me

The only thing I can do is try

Which is why I'm here, waiting for her to come home

To convince her to come back to me

--------------------------------

I wait hours until I hear footsteps coming down the hall

She's looking at her phone as she walks towards her apartment

I take the few seconds before she sees me to take her in

Beautiful like always but her whole aura is....sad?

She looks skinnier than the last time I saw her, darker bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted

She looks how I look and feel

Miserable

Her head lifts, her gaze landing on me

Her eyes narrow and harden, a pissed off look forming on her face

"What do you want?", she snaps as I stand up

I know she's mad and I deserve every ounce of her anger

"I...I want to talk to you"

"I have nothing to say. Go away"

She breaks eye contact, moving to the door

I stand aside so she can unlock it

"Please? Just for ten minutes?"

"Seonghwa-"

"Please?", I beg, my voice shaky

I don't know how else to get her back if she won't speak to me

She glares, "You have ten minutes. Then you fucking leave"

I nod, hoping that she'll take me back and I'll never have to leave again

She turns her back to me, walking in her apartment and I follow like a lost puppy

Because truthfully, I'm completely lost without her

"What do you want?", she snaps, throwing her bag and her jacket on the couch, then facing me, her arms crossed over her chest

"I'm sorry", I blurt

"No you're not", she snarls

"Yes I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I shouldn't have fought with you. I should of went home with you that night"

"But you didn't. You wanted to drink and flirt with other girls. You got your wish. You can go and flirt with anyone you want. So why don't you go do that and leave me alone"

"Because I want you", I whisper, ashamed at the things I said to her

I know it hurt her so much

It would hurt me if she said she wanted to flirt with other guys

"No you don't. You walked away from me remember?", she snaps, "Oh wait, you probably don't because you were piss faced drunk"

"I'm sorry", I repeat, desperate for her to see how fucking sorry I really am, "I...I want to come back. I want you"

She snorts, "Now you want me? Now you wanna be here? Where were you when I needed you?"

I don't answer, ashamed

I wasn't with her, where I was supposed to be

"No answer? Well I'll answer for you. You were at the bar getting shit faced. You were flirting with other girls to get drinks. You were gone for days, never answering your phone. When all I wanted was you, you were doing who the fuck knows"

I wasn't here with her but I wasn't doing anything significant when I was gone

Mostly sleeping off my hangover in one of my friend's apartments

Then I'd go out at night again to get drunk again and it would all happen all over again

"I don't even know if you ever cheated on me"

"I didn't", I answer immediately, "I never did"

"How do you know? You were always too far gone to remember what you did"

I shake my head, adamant about this

I know I never cheated on her

I never would

Even when I was drunk, one of the guys was always there

To watch me but really they didn't have to

They told me I never tried anything with any girl, except to flirt to get drinks

And anytime a girl came on to me, I told them no

So even piss faced drunk I didn't cheat on her

"I know. The guys know. They were there. They saw me refuse every girl that came on to me when I was drunk. And I never tried to get with any girl. I only flirted to get my drinks paid for. You can ask them"

They even told me I was the most well behaved drunk they've known, in that aspect anyway

"Whatever", she snaps, "It doesn't change the fact that you would rather get drunk than be home with me"

"That's not true!", I answer, upset she thinks that, "It's just, when I get alcohol in me that's all I wanted but when I was sober all I wanted was to be with you. And that's all I want, is to be with you again. All I want is you"

She just shakes her head, looking away, "Why are you here Seonghwa? It's been three months and I haven't heard from you since the day we broke up. There's more you're not telling me. What happened? Why are you here now? Why not a month ago? Why not a week after we broke up? Why now?"

"Because", I exclaim, my heart hurting just thinking about it, "You went out with someone else! And the thought of another man touching you...I can't handle it"

She stares at me like I've lost my mind

I feel like I lost my mind

"What the hell are you talking about? I haven't gone out with anyone"

Is she really gonna lie to me?

To my face?

"Yes you did Joanne. Wooyoung saw you out with some guy at a diner", I tell her, pulling my phone out and opening it to the picture

The picture Wooyoung took of her and the guy and sent to me, effectively breaking my heart

I can't even look at it without tearing up

Holding it up, I show it to her, a look of anger and disbelief on her face

"Wooyoung took the picture and sent it to me"

"Oh my god, he's such a creep!", she yells, her eyes moving from the picture to me, "And you're a fucking idiot!"

Well, I don't know what I expected but this reaction was not it

"That guy is a friend and coworker! He's married!", she shouts, "His wife was coming back from a business trip and he had some time to kill before going to meet her at the airport. He said he was going to get something to eat and invited me along"

Ok it's not a date but that guy could still want her

Being married never stopped anyone from cheating

And it doesn't mean she doesn't like him that way either

"And you went", I accuse

"Yes I went!", she snaps, "I went because I couldn't stand being back in this apartment alone for another entire night!"

Her eyes fill with tears and I hate that I'm making her cry yet again

"This entire apartment is filled with you! With memories of you!", she sobs, glaring at me angrily, "I can't handle it. Everything I look at reminds me of you! I can't sit on the couch because all I think about is you sitting there playing a stupid video game or us cuddling while we watched tv"

I swallow hard at the emotion in her voice

I didn't know she thought about us

The last time I saw her...it seemed like she had given up on us

"I can't sleep on your side of the bed or hell even in the middle because all I remember is you holding me all night. The kitchen reminds me of us cooking together. The shower reminds me of you washing my hair and us having soap fights. Every room is filled with you!"

"Jo-", I start, not sure what I want to say but I just want to make her feel better

I was wrong about everything

Again

I thought she was over me

I didn't know she's just as bad as I am

"And you're a fucking idiot if you think I could just go out with someone else after three months of not being with you!", she yells, "That's something you would do, not me!"

"I wouldn't-"

"Shut up!", she cries, "If you don't think that this entire break up hasn't completely devastated me, that I'm not utterly lost without you, then you're a fucking moron! I miss you all the time. You're all I think about. Wondering if you found a new girl to be with and forgot all about me"

"I didn't", I shake my head, "I didn't jagi"

"Three months is not enough time to get over someone I love more than anything in this world", she whispers, "It's not enough time to get over the love of my life, if that's even possible"

Hearing her call me the love of her life keeps the hope I have alive

The hope that she might forgive me and take me back

"You're the love of my life Jo", I tell her

She snorts through tears, "Fuck off Seonghwa"

"No! I won't fuck off ", I say loudly, "You had your turn to speak, now it's mine!"

"There's nothing to say Seonghwa. You've more than proven that I'm nothing you want. You screamed in my face that you don't want me and don't need me. Remember?"

"I was stupid!", I yell, "I was. I did everything wrong but I won't let you think I don't love you. Of course I need you. I love you"

She looks away and I can tell she doesn't know if she should believe me

"Jo, I've never loved anything in my life until you", I confess, "I love you with everything in me baby. I'm going insane without you"

I move closer to her, taking her hand and breathing in relief when she doesn't pull away

"You're all I think about", I tell her, "I miss you so much Jo, it fucking hurts. I'm just as lost without you jagi. Everyday, I wake up in dread because you're not next to me and I remember that I can't see you. I can't just pick up the phone and call you, I can't spend the day with you and it's soul crushing"

I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes from how heartbroken I am without her

"When I saw the picture Wooyoung sent me, I felt like I was dying jagi", I confess, the tears falling down my face, "I...I realized that I really lost you and the thought of you with another guy...fuck it killed me. And it made me realize that I have to change my life to be the man you deserve"

She shakes her head, "You can't change for me Seonghwa. You have to change for you. You'll just end up resenting me if you change for me"

"I am changing for me and for you jagi. I..I need help to do it but I'm going to"

"What are you talking about?", she asks quietly

I take a breath to tell her everything I've started changing once Wooyoung sent me that picture

"I stopped drinking jagi. I got into an AA group and I went to the first meeting yesterday"

I know my drinking was a huge problem

I'd become belligerent, say hurtful things to her, make her cry

I never want to do that again

"Wow, that's...that's really good Seonghwa. That'll help you so much. I'm...I'm happy for you", she says, genuine shock and relief in her face

I nod, glad I can actually show her I'm changing

"I also found a therapist to go to. Psychologist. To talk about the shit I've had to go through when I was young. To get to the bottom of the drinking problem and get better"

Her eyes widen as she takes in my words

"I...uh...I also got a job", I tell her, "A real job with Hongjoong. He's ..he's going to teach me to be a mechanic"

That's something I was always interested in but with my drinking there was no way I could concentrate on trade school and no one would let me work on cars anyway

"Hongjoong hired you?"

"Yeah", I nod, "One uh, one of the conditions to keep working with him is that I stay sober, go to AA meetings and keep seeing the psychologist"

"That's good Seonghwa. He's a good friend to help you like this"

He is

I don't know where I'd be without him

But there is someone else I need

"I need you baby", I whisper

Her eyes break away from mine, darting to the floor, her face unsure

"I don't....know Seonghwa. I miss you and I love you more than anything...but I can't...I can't go through everything again. I can't handle the fights, the way it seems like you hate me when you get angry-"

"I don't hate you. I never hated you baby. I love you more than anything", I tell her, "It'll be hard jagi, I...I may fuck up a bit but I will never let it get like it used to be. I won't be drinking baby so that will cut out a lot of our problems"

"But you might get....irritable because you can't drink"

I nod, knowing that's true

It's what the AA meeting leader said could happen

"Yeah baby, that's when... I...I'll need your help too...if you can"

"You want my help?", she asks quietly

I know it's shocking

I never wanted her help before but now I can't think of anyone better to help me then her

"Yeah baby", I answer, "I..I know they'll be setbacks and it'll be difficult but there's no one I'd rather have by my side than you"

She bites her lip hesitantly

"I can do it easier with you jagi. Please baby, give me one more chance? Come back to me?"

I hold my breath, waiting for her answer

Hoping, praying that she takes me back

"This is your last chance Seonghwa", she says softly, "I understand you may fall off the wagon a few times and I'll help you if that happens but if it gets to be like before....with you out all night, getting drunk every night, flirting, never coming home, fighting with me then it's over for good. Nothing you say will make me take you back"

"I understand jagi", I tell her, hope filling me, "I won't let it get to that, I promise"

She nods, "Ok Hwannie"

"Ok? I...I can come home? With you?", I ask, wanting confirmation

She nods, "You can come home Hwa"

Her words wash over me and I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face in her neck and sobbing in relief and utter happiness

"I love you Jo. I love you so much", I cry

Her arms move around me and I break down more, the feeling of being in her arms absolute heaven

"I love you Seonghwa. More than anything in this world baby", she sobs too, her arms so tight around me, "My Hwa"

"Only yours", I assure her, "Just yours. I love you"

"I love you"

Pulling back a little, I look down at my beautiful jagi, wiping her tears away

Leaning down, I kiss her in a loving kiss I've been waiting to feel since I lost her

And it's one of the best kisses she's ever given me

--------------------------------

"I can bring all my stuff back tomorrow, if it's ok?", I ask her as we get into bed

"Yeah baby. Do you need help packing?"

I shake my head, "I just been crashing at Hongjoong's and everything is still in the boxes you packed. I can just load them up into the car and bring them back"

After we kissed, we've just been glued to each other all night

We ordered food then watched TV, cuddling on the couch

I've never been so happy to have her in my arms, to run my fingers in her hair, to just be with her

I'm never giving that, giving her up again

I will make sure I will be the best man I can be

"You never unpacked?"

I shake my head, "No jagi...I...I guess I didn't think we were really over until I saw the picture of you with that guy"

"He's just a friend baby", she says softly, facing me in bed, running her fingers in my hair, "I swear Hwa. I only love you"

I nod

I know

After tonight, after everything she said, I know she only loves me

"And yeah, you can bring all your stuff back tomorrow baby"

I smile, so fucking happy, so grateful I'm back home, with her

She smiles softly, her thumb moving over my lips softly, "I missed your smile Hwannie. I missed you so much"

"I missed you jagi. I swear baby, I didn't know that I could feel that much pain from not being with you. I honestly don't think I can live without you"

She nods, "I know Hwa. I feel the same way baby. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Please don't hurt me again baby"

"I won't", I swear, "Never again jagi. I shouldn't have to begin with and I'm so sorry I hurt you but I swear, never again"

She nods, moving closer, her lips pressing against mine softly in a sweet kiss

My body immediately relaxes into hers, moving my arms around her, pulling her right against me, kissing her desperately

I need her, it feels like her kisses are reviving me and it's just what I need

"I love you", she murmurs after the kiss

"I love you", I tell her, "So much"

She smiles, kisses me again, then cuddles against me

I kiss the top of her head, holding her tightly so grateful she took me back

[misterspectacular]

Joker in Arkham Shadow

I'm so glad Joker is a part of Arkham Shadow! Not a big part and we never actually see him, which is sad, but HE'S IN IT! It's actually necessary that we don't see him, or that he doesn't see US, considering we are Batman without the mask and he knows we are Batman based on voice alone. He knows his Bat so well!

The voice actor hasn't been listed yet, but it's Troy Baker, who also voiced Joker in Arkham Origins! (Troy Baker voices Harvey Dent/Two-Face in this game, as well). (Side note, Batman in this game is voiced by Roger Craig Smith who also voiced Batman in Origins.) (Side side note, this is a sequel to Origins.)

Heres the dialogue:

Matches Malone (Batman): *knocks*

Joker: Two bits! Well, look who's finally awake!

Malone: The hell you talking about? you some kind of Joker?

Joker: Hardly knew her! Hehehee... Aah, nothing like an old friend to make the joint feel less solitary.

Malone: Old friend? You got the wrong guy. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember meeting a freak like you.

Joker: Tut tut, Batsy-Boo! The East End voice might fool the rest of these dimwits, but me? Tsk tsk. Oh, you and I have something special.

Batman: What do you want?

Joker: Right now? A gallon of gas, a book of matches, and a ham sandwich. But I'll settle for a little chit chat. Ever since the last riot down here, it's gotten so dreadfully boring!

Batman: (multiple choice question, this one was selected) How long have you been in solitary?

Joker: Ooh, look who's fishing for leads! Don't tell me I'm a suspect in whatever foul deeds you're investigating.

Batman: You are always a suspect.

Joker: Hehehe, I bet you say that to all three girls. Hehe, unfortunately for you, Sherlock, I've been locked in here ever since you stopped me from exploding the Warden. (Reference to Origins finale) Funny... I didn't think they'd throw me in the hole for FAILING to kill someone. Huh!

Batman: You have no idea what's going on in Gotham?

Joker: I mean, honestly, you finally put the hurt on Gotham's criminal underworld and suddenly there's a brand new rodent stealing your spotlight! Meanwhile, I'm boxed up like --

Batman: Bats are NOT rodents.

Joker: Euggh. Bet you're fun at parties.

CO Robbins (guard?): Shut up in there, will ya?!

Joker: Everyone's a critic! Fine, fine, fine. Aah, I need to get my beauty sleep anyway. Seems like I'm always a little pale ever since SOMEONE dropped me into a vat of acid! Hmm? Hahaha!

Batman: Enough talk for now.

(I love this bit. In ORIGINS, it's shown that Joker actually RECREATED his own memories so that Batman would be included in them. The vat of acid and Batman throwing him in was a made up memory. It's also shown in Origins that Joker PAINTS his face -- he's not pale because he was "dropped in acid". Joker prefers the fantasy and at this point might believe it's reality.)

---

(Next day)

Joker: Knock knock!

Batman: Joker.

Joker: No no no! You're supposed to say, "who's there?" Do you really not know how this goes? Let's try again. knock knock!

Batman: (multiple choice, this one was selected) Who's there?

Joker: What? It's me, the Joker. Oo, they must've hit your head pretty hard before they threw you in here.

Batman: *grunt*

Joker: Oh, don't be like that! Not my fault you walked into it. Now, where were we?

Batman: (multiple choice) Where's the Rat King?

Joker: Beats me! You'd think someone who wanted chaos and destruction throughout Gotham would've jumped at the chance to get ME involved.

Batman: And he hasn't?

Joker: Bats. Really? Do you think I'd be chatting this much with you if I had any other options? It's always work work work! You never ask how my plans for killing sprees are going!

Batman: During the last riot, you left bombs all over the prison. You know where the Rat King is hiding.

Joker: You know, persistence is one of your best qualities, but I'm being honest with ya. I wouldn't know the Rat King's secret lair from a hole in the ground!

CO Robbins: How many times I gotta tell ya?! this ain't a damn social club!

Joker: Oh, cram it up your TYGER hole, Robbins! I don't come to YOUR job and commit unspeakable offenses against helpless victims, do I?! Oh wait, I do. Well, hate to say it, Matches, but he's got a point. We'll chat later.

---

Joker: Psst! Hey buddy, you awake? I haven't heard the screws bustling around in a while. You know what that means?

Batman: That it's time to get out of here.

Joker: That's right! Slumber party! Truth or dare! You go first, but don't ask where any bodies are buried!

Batman: (multiple choice, this one was selected) What do you know about Dr. Quinzel?

Joker: Let's see, Dr. Quin -- Ooh, the blondie? Is she still working here? Well, if you ask me, she could really use a career change. I don't suppose you know anyone who's hiring? Ooo! Maybe she could be your little sidekick! Hahahaha!

Batman: I work alone.

Joker: Oh, come on! The adventures of Batsy and Doctor Ditz! It'll play great woth the teens.

Batman: No.

Joker: Teh. Fine, fine. If you're too uptight to give the girl a chance, well, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Batman: If you know something about the Rat King, tell me. You could be his next target.

Joker: Oh, heaven forfend! I certainly hope no one breaks me out of solitary to try and recruit me for the Day of Wrath! And they say you're not funny. Thanks for the laughs, Bato! I mean, "Matches". WINK! Now what's next? Spin the bottle? Kind of difficult with a concrete wall between us. Now don't go putting my hand in a bowl of water while I sleep! Hehehehe

Batman: This isn't funny, Joker. People are going to-- (Batman is interrupted by a visitor and so ends the Batjokes interactions)

---

and that's that.

later Batman explores Joker's cell. It says "hahaha" on one wall, and on the wall they were speaking through it says "we're sleeping" and "Kill the bat!"

oh and here's a screen shot of the wall from Batman's side, I had to crop the video because I got a notification during recording haha