#was more of an fun play on it for me specifically.

[pushingdaisies1]

ok so i'm new to your blog so i'm not 100% sure how you usually do requests but I would kill for a fic where the reader gets an injury (not life threatening) patched up by another character. Dae-ho came to my mind first tbh but you could literally do whoever. i'm not sure if you do multiple characters in one post or not so take this request however you like!

"Dont look at me with those eyes" . . . ♡

. ⟣ㅤㅤ˳ㅤㅤ︵︵ㅤ ୨ ୧ ㅤ︵︵ㅤㅤˑㅤㅤ⟢ ,

-> PAIRING: Kang Dae-Ho (Player 388) x Reader! -> SUMMARY: Falling into these games was like a hard-hitting reminder of your status on the food chain. Always the one to sell yourself out and break yourself completely to help loved ones make it up to the top. You were the lowest of the low, a runt. A runt with a big and burning heart. But meeting Dae-ho was like a soft blanket being wrapped around you. In your first interaction alone, even though you were playing with your lives, he was like a beacon of strangely placed hope. Soon becoming acquainted with the "quickly assembled" team Mr. Player 456 (Seong Gihun) had formed, you had found quick allies with the group of men and Jun-hee. After the third game, you had taken a pretty bad blow to your leg from another scattering player. Dae-ho notices, and knows that he can't let a partner limp back without lending a helping hand. That made you like him so much, he was a helpful, hopeful fool. It made your teeth grind against other teeth as you watched him care for you so carefully. You were almost like glass in his hands. -> WARNINGS: Descriptions of violence (mingle was brutal), Not entirely proof read.., Descriptions and talks of injured/dislocated ankle, I use y/n like once LOL, I kinda fudged the "rules" of the second game don't mind that heh, I don't know how to treat wounds so it WILL be incorrect!, angst(?), Dae-ho being a cutie patootie!! -> AUTHORS NOTE: Aghhh first ever request, I love this idea, and tysm for sending one in! Dae-ho became a quick favorite of mine, especially after the fourth episode. He's so sweet and the most gentle character in the show. I love his vulnerability and warmth as an ex-marine and clear victim of toxic masculinity in his life. He's genuinely a top favorite of mine. I do apologize if this is a tad bit too long for anybody's tastes. I had a lot of fun with this request as you can see heh. I'll be using him (Dae-ho) for this one, but yes for reference next time ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗I don't mind doing multiple characters in one request <3!! Don’t be afraid to send in other characters , enjoy.. ^_^

. ─── ୨ৎ ─────── ୨ৎ ─────── ୨ৎ ─── ' . The fact that you had survived past the first and second games was shocking. You hadn't expected to see players littered down with bullets when playing a game calling back to your younger days. One by one it was like watching chickens be plucked from the coop. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you tried your hardest to stay as still as possible. Thank the heavens you didn't end up in front of the so-called "rap legend" who was pushing people left and right. In your held-back panic, you had found a point of focus. A specific player amongst the herd had more so shouted for people to stand behind others taller than them.

Stay crouched down behind the back of another and the doll shouldn't recognise your movement. As hurried steps padded against the sandy ground, you found yourself lined up behind a taller man. His hair was pulled up halfway, with a tiny ponytail atop his head. If you weren't in a life-or-death scenario you would've had a nice quick chuckle about it. His stature was easy to hide behind in the hurried chaos. As others were being shot down among the organized crowd, your feet had almost lost footing. Your stance had faltered after someone directly behind you had gotten shot by one of the sniper perks. You felt your legs begin to tremble as your back was littered with the victim's blood.

You were so close to ruining this somewhat assorted line when you felt a hand clasp your wrist. Shockingly you didn't jerk out of line, it was in actuality a steadying grip. In quick succession, he'd murmur to you, a stranger behind him. "I got you, just keep l-looking ahead." Even though his voice was trembling he still sounded like a courageous hero to you. So quickly you were able to steady your legs, and before you could hesitate anymore it was time to move. Reaching across the finish line was like a breath of fresh air. Pretty much getting all the air knocked back into your lungs. You couldn't have fallen harder against the ground after you had thrown yourself over. Locking eyes with the young man that was standing beside you. He was almost cracking a carefree smile as he soon realized that he'd too made it out alive.

Seeing you on the ground he immediately offered you a hand. If this was all in a different context, you would've been feeling more butterflies in your chest than you already had. But you had almost died just a couple seconds ago. You were grateful for his steady hands, so you hopped at the opportunity to have him pull you up on your feet.

In hindsight, you probably looked like a nut job as specks of sand littered the jacket you and every other player adorned. His grip was firm as he excitedly shook your hand. "You were a tough one out there! I'm glad to see you make it." He said with a beaming smile. The announcements drowned out your thoughts as players' numbers were being called out with their eliminations.

Your eyes were a lot more shaky as you nodded your head in response and recognition. "It's in all thanks to you. You practically saved my life. I am forever in your debt.." Words trailing off as you didn't know his name, at all. He probably had the name of an action hero or a true trailblazer. Was luck finally on your side? Did you make a friend in this horrifying ordeal?

Everything was buzzing all around between the two of you. The doll Chul-su repeating the same two phrases over and over again. As your surroundings became pure noise, you found comfort in focusing on his face and its features. His grip on your hand with firm, giving you one final good squeeze as your hands fell to your own respective sides. "Kang, Kang Dae-ho." He had this almost palpable warmth. It made you feel all mushy on the inside for unknown reasons. You'd let out a sigh of almost relief as your lip quivered. "Thank you for saving my life, Kang Dae-ho." Your eyes grew glazed over with unshed tears. No regular person has ever been this close to death. A completely and utterly helpful stranger just saved you. Your chest was pounding with emotion but there was no time for that. The timer was quicking ticking down and both of your attentions were collectively drawn to the scene in front of you.

The "freeze" man from before and a woman both tried to carry over an injured player. The triumphant moment was killed as people erupted into cheers, and the injured soul was shot for the final time in the head. The first game came and went. The prize money was introduced and soon the stakes were raised. Voting amongst the players was almost coming too close to starting a fight. Some people wanted to leave off the bat.

After witnessing the carnage and violence being displayed in only the first game out of six. So many lives were lost, and the prize money shined like a golden nugget. It was like the largest golden ticket out of tremendous piles of debt. Which you were suffering with.

So even with protests and bated breaths, your fist firmly pressed down onto the 'O' button. You wore it like a badge of shame on your chest. A reminder of your shameless greed, judgemental stares burned into the back of your head. When people dispersed and went to different areas around the room, you were somber. You felt shameful as you contemplated your decision.

It was so close to a tie. Your vote could've done so much. But your debt wouldn't have been fixed. You would still have creditors hounding after you for your money. You were screwed either way. The jacket was large enough for you to be able to burry yourself inside of it , in both shame and fatigue.

You were shocked that they were handing out containers of food. With how sightly sickening the first game was. But ya' know, have to keep the prized pigs well-fed to continue on. You slunk back as you immediately dug into the food you were given. You weren't focusing on taste or texture. It tasted like home, so you didn't hesitate to scarf it down in quick succession. Your eyes looked in front of you, examining the walls and the layers of beds. Players either sat by themselves eating what they had , or were already starting to make connections with other poor unfortunate souls. Something caught your eye as you were people-watching. A group of game participants, who had voted the same as you did were walking over to the previous player. You could remember the desperation that clung to his voice. Especially when other players were brushing off his words during the voting. You saw that same familiar face who also risked his life to save yours. It was the most commotion in the room. Leaving your tin and your half-drunken water bottle on your mattress, you scooted off and gently found your footing. You placed one shoe in front of the other as you watched players dispersing away, the sounds coming from them not pleasant ones. What could've been said to make that many people storm off with such unpleasant looks on their faces?

You approached the men with skittish hands and determination in your mind. Alliances and teaming up with players may be the utmost needed in these games. Making friendly with someone whos played these children's games before could give you and others the boost needed to survive. Player 390 sounded determined as well. Especially talking up his friend as a previous player. Or... were they friends? The man just seemed like a friendly soul.

As Dae-ho was addressing the men with profound respect and camaraderie, you sort of appeared beside him. "I'm sorry to interrupt but..." Dae-hos eyes expanded when seeing you, his hand meeting your back in a rather firm pat. "Ah! , Have you come to join our team as well?" Your cheeks grew warm as suddenly you were on the spot. But admittedly that was your fault. "I-I- I heard the commotion over here, are you looking for one more person?" Your voice was small and meek. '456' looked at you, his eyes cold with glimpses of warmth in those pupils. To the looks of it, it appeared like he was trying to give you room to speak. "No matter the game, having allies is always good to have. You seem like a group of good men... I don't want to die so soon. Please, your consideration would mean the most."

'001' cracked a small smile. "I don't have a problem with it." His voice was smooth ... almost hollow. You didn't focus on demeanor, only happy to see such graciousness. '456' bit back a sigh, his face a little less solemn after watching the scene in front of him between Dae-ho and player '390.' Both their sleeve rolled up, showing off their similar Marine tattoos. Before he could get a word in, you spoke up once again. "I voted to continue on because of you. You surely have enough wisdom to carry the players participating. My vote wasn't one out of malice. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place-" He put a hand out to stop you from talking anymore. "You don't need to explain yourself to me. I have no problem with you joining us, you seem to be a good kid." You took his words and ran with it. Dae-ho couldn't help but chime in. "I ran into them in the first game! They are as courageous as an ex-marine like myself." Your eyes expanded in utter confusion, no? "I'm flattered but-" '390' cut you off with a broad smile. "It's settled then, we are a full team! It is nice to meet you." The conversation was pulled away once so quickly a fight broke out. Player '001' stepped in to stop the fight once player 390 and Dae-ho stood back. You felt even safer grouping up with the four as you watched the older man quiet up the so-called 'Thanos' and his friend. Maybe you would leave the next game with your head still on your shoulders. In the dead of night, Dae-ho made sure to remind you about what the next game most likely would be. You tried to be the most quiet you could be as you made your way out of your bunk.

Why was he being so nice to you? You didn't expect to find somebody with such a welcoming atmosphere in the surroundings you were.. momentarily stuck in until the next vote. Sleep came and went, the first game haunting your mind. You may have been only able to get one to two hours of sleep at most. Trying to be as positive as you could be for this new day. Dalgona shouldn't be so bad.

When the second game was officially revealed your mind took a sharp turn to "I'm screwed." But still, your team stuck together. It couldn't be Dalgona if they were having players pair together in teams. Still though, with a previous player in the team mix, everything should go off smoothly.

Since he has seen this all before one way or another. The trust was already palpable amongst each other, you make this game your bitch. Player '222' was a happily added addition. You couldn't help but immediately clamor at having her join. The clock was already down to one minute. There was little time to spare to find one more person to finish up your group. She looked to be very capable, and it was immoral to leave a pregnant woman with no team. Soon the game was explained, as well as the inclusion of minigames in between.

You were one of the last teams. So you all took the time to watch every person's strategies and techniques. Especially the teams who actually.. made it out alive.

Victory at all costs! , player '390' had you all say as you joined hands atop of one another. Finally, you were brought up to have your ankles latched together. Since you were one of the last teams competing, there was no audience. But fewer distractions meant more focus for minigames that needed ample attention. Right beside player '222' you made sure to help her when she was losing her footing. Her eyes always glanced back to you when along with the others you'd ask if she was okay. Especially having a mighty hand at ddakji! With barely any time your team made it out alive. Once again the moment was killed by the sound of gunfire. Watching as the guards lay bullets into the team you were expecting to see finish alongside. You all were just glad you made it out alive. Coming back into the main room, the energy in the room was bubbling for conflict. You and your fellow teammates fell back to the side, introducing yourselves and getting closer to one another. When the vote was incoming you knew you weren't going to pick the option you had picked yesterday. But, if you were stuck playing one more game with these people, you felt your odds were better than before. As the masked guards came in to congratulate the players on the game, voting started up soon after. The piggy bank was a still painful reminder of what was at stake. All the money that equaled people's lives. Something in your gut was telling you that the vote wasn't going to end in your group's favor. But still, you walked up to the box, your hand pressing firmly on the 'X' button. Your hand quickly yanked off the patch on your chest to trade it out. You felt like some of the guilt lifted off your shoulders. The money was at least enough to pay off a good chunk of your debts. Getting out of here would mean you could find a way to spend your money smarter while your heart was still beating.

Filling into the 'X' side of the room, you saw that the 'O' vote count only went up and up. It made you feel almost queasy seeing the blue side of the room get larger and larger.

You stood right beside Dae-ho as your hands lingered towards his. His pinkie wrapped gently around yours, almost like a comforting gesture.

Maybe it was out of pity you had no clue on your mind. The bunched-up group waited with bated breath to see if maybe the vote would change in favor. Your face showed your shock and hurt, similar to the others on your side. One more game meant more bodies to be left astray. The air was palpable with hurt as the guards pulled back, announcing that a third game would be happening soon. Even though Jung-bae was a part of the major vote, you all still tried to stay positive. Especially on Young-Ils intervention as Gi-hun lamented about the ferociousness of the potential third game. Lights out soon came, the piggy bank in the middle giving the dark and depressing room a warm glow.

Your team had made a fort amongst the empty beds of the fallen players. You found some sort of peace as you and Dae-oh slept side by side in that compact space under the bed. Having a warm body next to you was nice in these trying times.

Morning came quicker than you had expected. Young-Il was already awake as you all arose from sleep. Like clockwork, the guards came in and escorted all the players to the next game. Some were more excited than others, you were currently just trying to keep your head steady. The pleasant conversation was killed once you all got higher up the long and winding staircases. After taking all that time you were finally brought to the third game. The doors in front of you opened as the guards filled out into the room. This new room was large and almost too grand. Its walls were a warm pale yellow with grand designs. You had all pretty much walked inside a large music box. In the middle of there stood tall a carousel. The PA system introduced the game, Mingle. Jung-bae had familiarity with the game, describing it as a game to pass the time on school trips. The team began to talk about potential strategy and game specifics. "What if it is smaller than five? Like three ... or four?" Dae-ho croaked out in response. You'd turn to him with a focused look in your eye. "We should be able to split off evenly if it's three." Everyone in recognition as Young-Il spoke up. "No matter what happens don't panic. Let's stay calm." "We'll all make it out together, here." On queue, his hand fell out in front of everyone huddled up. One by one all your hands fell atop of each other. The last one to finish up this was Gi-hun, and soon came the "One - Two - Three."

Quickly everyone was ushered onto the platform, and then the game would officially begin. The lights in the room would become harsher and more dramatic as the music started up, and soon would the spinning platform. As the PA system explained beforehand, numbers started to be called out. Ten was easy as you and another familiar group consisting of the older woman, her son, and the two other girls rushed into a room. Relief took over your bones and your bunch had made it in a room just in time. Horrified screams and shouts for mercy could be heard just outside the door. Your heart was practically beating out of your chest cavity as the locks rhythmically unlocked. Soon all players were now back atop the platform. The slow spinning motion of the large circle was almost sickening; when your eyes focused on the littered blood. But feeling Dae-hos hand firmly hold your shoulder, you snapped back into reality. The whirring motions abruptly stopped, causing you to barely lose your balance. The familiar monotone female voice of the PA system clicked to life, "Four." Immediately the lights started to flash, and your head jerked around to look at your other teammates. Counting heads, you all wouldn't have fit into one room of course. Without getting gunned down by the eventual guards. Gi-hun tried to say something but Young-Il already was grabbing your hand, shouting for two more people. Jung-bae already took the initiative as he pulled Jun-hee and guided the others into a vacant room. A scuffle happened amid the panicking players. You and Young-il had found two other players able to fill the room. But another man tried to push in, inevitably shoving you out of the room. Young-il looked like he was able to do something but in the scuffle, your leg met the man's chest. It was a swift kick with a pop ringing in your ears. With seconds to spare, Young-Il dragged you into the room and slammed the door shut. His eyes looked to you showing some semblance of pity. Even with the mortified voices outside and gun fodder, he looked towards you. "Are you alright?" You nodded as you readjusted your back pressed up against the wall. "Yeah, I'm okay ... he wasn't letting up." Trying to crack a joke clearly didn't work for the mood in the room. The two other players stayed silent, lips trembling with fear as a nightmare happened beyond the door. Young-Il gave you a glimpse of the smile before offering you a hand. "Here, that didn't sound pretty." He replied calmly as he helped you keep steady on your better leg. Soon everyone was let out of their respective rooms once again. The counter on the wall is now down to "168." On the other side of the room, you and Young-Il excited. Even as much as you tried to resist his help your leg was stinging like hell. The distant voices of Jung-bae and Dae-ho could be heard. "Brother Young-Il, Y/n!" Along with your other fellow teammates. Young-Il flashed his teeth in a smile as he called back. "Gi-hun!" You two rushed back together, you slightly lagging behind him. But he didn't seem to take any mind to it. In fact, trying to make sure you didn't damage your injured leg any more than it already was. You were met with the sight of your relieved friends. Jung-bae was immediately joyously welcoming the two of you back. "I was worried, I'm glad you two made it back." Gi-hun addressed the two of you. Young-Il had the biggest charismatic grin on his face.

"I'm a social guy, so I'm pretty good at these kinds of games." You chuckled alongside Jung-bae as the air around you all settled. This calm was weird but it was welcomed by you. "I just kinda held on tight and hoped I wouldn't get trampled along the way, seems like it works." Jung-bae nodded firmly as he patted your back, the wind leaving your lungs. "It sure did! I knew you two would make it out in one piece, I did." Dae-hos eyes wandered to your limp. He frowned at the sight of you holding back simmering pain. It all kinda just mixed into the worry already present on his face. But the joke Young-Il made definitely eased up tension. "Ohh... In her tummy?" It was a perfectly timed response to even get Gi-hun to let out some tension with a laugh. You felt well about this entire ordeal, seeing the warmth in everyone's faces. The next round was about to begin. Dae-ho turned his attention to you, pointing down to your leg. "Eh? - what happened with you?" His eyes showed genuine worry. He didn't want to lose you... maybe. "I'm fine, I just got caught up in the crowd when me and Young-Il were trying to find others." You tried to wave off his concerns, but he would place a reassuring hand on your arm, gently squeezing the bicep. "Your leg looks pretty torn up, on second thought don't look down. The sight before him was a bone prodding at the skin of your ankle. This wasn't good, you needed to be able to run! His breathing was panicked as his eyes darted around. "I-please be careful, it doesn't look so good. L-let me help you relieve pressure on it, hop." His arm extended for you to hold onto it. You gritted your teeth as you linked your arm with his. One foot, two foot repeated in your head as every remaining player returned to the platform. The numbers continued to be announced. Three, Six, and then Two. You didn't expect yourself to survive the last one. But a girl... You had seen her before hanging out with the guy who called himself Thanos. She had practically thrown you into a room. As the door clicked shut you finally could relax your one leg against the wall. She didn't really say much to you. "Thank you... thank you." You repeated, and your head nodded also repeatedly. "We saved each other, so thank - you." She replied.

Her tone was brief and almost bitter but who wouldn't be after witnessing what they had witnessed. Finally, it was all over, this game of doom. The walk down the stairs was brutal on your ankle. Your mind was so focused on the burning pain that you could only listen to somewhat of what Dae-ho was saying ... for ... moral support?

Quickly he swooped his arm back under yours. As players filled into the room , this was a moment of rest. Jung-bae was already counting the heads of players. So at the moment it was best to lay low and wait at the side lines. Perfect for Dae-ho to help you. Bringing you off to the main steps of the beds , he ushered you to sit.

“Okay! Thank you mother hen…” , you’d joke as you sat yourself up straight. Clearly the joke didn’t land as Dae-ho looked at you sternly. Slowly you extended your ankle out to him as he kneeled down in front of your , with an awkward chuckle in between. Immediately assessing your leg you couldn’t help but butt in as you heard him wincing. “What-“

Your eyes expanded seeing what Dae-ho was seeing. Comically you held a hand over your mouth as you gagged. Dae-ho immediately once again tried to calm your nerves. “I can fix it. If I remember correctly.. here.” His hands reached to unzip the zipper of your own jacket to your “tracksuit.” Your hands and his hands collided but by the way he was gesturing to your sleeve , you got what he was putting down.

Your teeth gnawed down on your sleeve. You pulled your eyes away immediately from the sight of your busted ankle. Dae-ho had his hands firmly set around specific points of your ankle. “Breathe in.. and three , two-“ Your ankle sounded off with a loud pop. You felt like you had gotten air brought back into your lungs. A pleased smile grew on his face. His eyes were so kind as he watched you be filled with pain relief. Rolling your ankle to keep it set. You saw him gripping at his shirt sleeve. “Dae-ho.. what are you doing?” You could not get another word as he ripped his sleeve off.

Accidentally you’d gasp as he quickly wrapped the fabric around your relocated ankle. “This should help ease your pain.” You were left speechless , which left him chuckling at your dumbfound-ness. “How did you know how to do that?” You asked him curiously. I mean he was an ex-marine , not just anyone knew how to set an ankle , even a marine. He shrugged his shoulders with a clueless nature. “I’ve had a bone injured one too many times. We also learned it when needing to help tend to fellow injured marines on the spot.” You gave him a look of recognition as you kept that in mind. Your cheeks grew warm as you realized your ankle was still in his gentle grip.

“You’re too kind to me Dae-ho.” You humbly remarked as you once again glanced away. What he responded with was… shocking? Well it’s not like he had let out a bomb of truth on you. But just by the way he responded to you made you feel the biggest of emotions. “We’re friends by now , and maybe I like taking care of you.”

Okay , was he flirting with you? No that was impolite to think. Your mind raced as you were only able to utter out a measly , “I appreciate you.” His head would triumphantly nod. “I appreciate you too , my friend!” In quick succession , you were already being called over by Gi-hun. Him and Young-Il were standing in a sort of corner of space behind empty bunks.

Dae-ho quickly stood up , offering you a hand. “We’re needed.” He’d surmised with an unmistakable grin on his face. Maybe he was feeling butterflies just like you. Repositioning your body , you began to sit up as your hand clasped with his. “We most definitely are.” You remarked in response. Odds be damned , Dae-ho was too good for you.

[azzifuddslover]

UNRAVEL - chapter four

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

tw: swearing

themes: angst, fluff

word count: 4.2k

a/n: guys covid doesn’t exist in this fic. i’m also losing all motivation and starting to hate everything i write tbh.. don’t know if i wanna continue this, but if anyone really wants it, i’ll try my best 🤞

“any plans for your birthday?”

paige’s gaze meets azzi’s through her phone screen, a smile playing at her lips. in a matter of days, paige would turn 19— she’s already committed and began at the university of connecticut, making her debut game in november.

azzi, being 17— 18 in november— continues her journey in high school, being a senior and navigating her way through college decisions and what she wants her future to look like. but her college decision came easy— she barely had any considering to do, before settling on uconn, just like paige had.

“nah, nothing special. just hanging out with everyone,” paige shrugs. by everyone, she means her new teammates at uconn, who’s she bonded with nicely.

“i wish i could celebrate with you,” azzi sighs, although mischief swirls in her eyes. she moves her phone, blocking the view of her face, trying to hide her nagging grin.

little does paige know, in three days, azzi will be with her, ready to surprise her in a way she’ll never forget. azzi and her family have been planning this for weeks now, coordinating with paige’s own family to make sure everything would go off without a hitch.

“ugh, don’t get me started,” paige groans, running a hand over her face, wishing so desperately that azzi could be with her— especially on her birthday. “it won’t be the same without you, az.”

azzi tilts her head, her grin growing, making her dimples pop. “i know, but just think about it! you’ll be with your new teammates— i’m sure they’ll make it fun,” the younger girl replies, trying to sound as casual as possible but is unable to hide her excitement.

“true, but i want you to be here,” paige insists, eyes sparkling with the longing she’s always felt towards azzi.

“i’m sure it’ll be just fine,” azzi nods, confidence radiating off the brunette.

as they wrap up their call, azzi can hardly contain her excitement she feels to surprise her best friend. in just three days, she’ll be right by paige’s side, ready to celebrate in a way that feels more significant than just a birthday. azzi smiles at the thought of paige’s face when she’ll lay eyes on her, causing small giggles to escape her lips, mixing with a flutter of anxiety. as she imagines the moment, azzi feels a sudden gratitude for their strong friendship, knowing that no matter what challenges lie ahead, they’ll always have each other, regardless of their distance.

“mom, where’d you put my nike sweatpants?”

azzi frantically scrambles through her bag, stuffing her belongings in each pocket, trying to distract herself from the fact her plane leaves in an hour.

“i thought i put them in the laundry!” her mom calls from the kitchen, her voice calm yet slightly panicked.

azzi doesn’t waste a minute to dash to the laundry basket, rummaging deeper, her heart racing. when she doesn’t find the specific sweatpants in mind, she speaks up. “they’re not there!”

katie, azzi’s mother, rushes into her daughter’s bedroom, going straight to the closet. after only a moment of looking, she pulls out the nike pants, annoyance clear on her face.

“didn’t bother to check your own closet?” katie says, her eyebrows pinching together.

“whatever!” azzi shouts, her anxiety heightening to extreme amounts. she makes sure to grab paige’s birthday present, placing it carefully in the corner of the bag. she finishes off her bag, adding finishing touches— toothbrush, toothpaste, all the smaller items— before zigging it up. she throws it over her shoulder, hurriedly walking to the door.

“ready to go?” katie questions.

“yep, let’s go,” azzi says, her mind continuing to buzz from nerves.

out the door and into the car, azzi gently tosses in her duffel, tightening her seatbelt across her chest. katie turns the key, igniting the car to life, quickly taking off onto the street.

“do you think we’ll make it on time?” azzi asks, scrunching her lips into a line, anxiously fiddling with her fingers.

“it’ll be close, but you’ll make it,” katie notes, confidence in her tone.

ten minutes into the car ride to the airport, azzi pulls out her phone, dying to text her best friend.

hiii wyd? azzi pushes send, a light smirk on her face.

considering it’s paige’s birthday today, azzi had already said happy birthday earlier— at midnight, when they were on facetime, to be precise. but it’s no shocker the two girls were talking once again.

hey azzzz, not much, u? her response is automatic.

a: just driving

p: oh yeah? where u going?

a: out to eat

azzi smiles to herself, knowing damn well she’s not going ‘out to eat.’

p: that’s cool. miss seeing u so bad

a: miss u more, always

with that, azzi puts away her phone, focusing on the scene through the car window. she imagines paige’s reaction— her bright blue eyes widening, a huge smile erupting across her face. she can’t help but lean her head back against the seat, the smile still lingering on her lips. her heart races in anticipation of seeing paige, her best friend.

as they finally arrives at the airport, katie parks the car, to which the brunette jumps out, reaching for her duffel. she gives her mom a quick, reassuring hug, before dashing off towards the front doors, pushing them wide open. the airport buzzes with chaos— travelers going in and out, conversations being had all around her. all azzi focuses on, however, is walking towards the terminal, the familiar sounds of announcements and rolling suitcases creating somewhat of a comforting backdrop. taking a deep breath, azzi pulls her phone out once again, checking the time: only ten minutes until boarding.

it only takes azzi three minutes to get through security and complete all the airport checks. the announcement for her connecticut flight finally comes blasting through the speakers, and azzi’s pulse quickens with excitement once more. she glances at the digital board, confirming her gate number before heading in that direction.

sitting down on the plane, azzi lets out a breath of relief; relieved she made it on time, without any troubles, other than waking up later than expected, of course.

a few moments later, the plane lifts off the ground, azzi leaning back in her spot, a satisfied smile playing at her lips. just as she’s about to let sleep overpower her, a buzz from her phone stirs her awake.

p: wanna facetime later?

a: maybe, i might be busy then

azzi chuckles at her response, knowing later, she’ll be right by the blonde’s side, embracing her warmth.

p: oh ok. lemme know when ur free

setting her phone back down, azzi tilts her head back against the seat, trying her best to relax. as the plane ascends, azzi gazes out the window, her heart racing eagerness to see paige. she thinks about how paige has no idea she’s about to be surprised for her birthday; the thought makes her lips rise, as she can hardly wait to see her favorite person.

the plane lands, stirring azzi into consciousness. her eyes crinkle open, adjusting to the bright light peaking through the aircraft window. she hurries to secure her luggage, weaving through the crowd of the plane. she makes her way off the plane, searching for paige’s mom who has agreed to pick her up. amy’s been in connecticut to celebrate paige’s birthday, similar to azzi.

quickly spotting amy, relief washes throughout her features. she approaches, heart pounding in her chest.

“hi sweetheart!” amy greets, beaming, “how was your flight?”

azzi is grateful for her smile, already feeling at ease. “it was good, thanks,” she replies.

“glad to hear it,” amy says. a beat goes by of silence between the two, “wanna get going?”

“yeah!” when azzi realizes how eager she is, she clears her throat and steadies her voice, “yeah, that sounds good.”

amy only laughs, practically feeling azzi’s anticipation bouncing off her frame. as they walk through the airport and into amy’s car, azzi attempts to steady the pace of her heart, getting her breathing under control. she’s full of energy yet nerves still linger in her chest, feeling a sense of anxiety at seeing paige again. it’s been several months, almost a year since they last saw each other in person— azzi is slightly worried things might be different between them.

“are you excited to see her?” amy asks, glancing at the brunette in the passenger’s seat for a swift moment.

“i’m so excited. i’ve missed her a lot,” azzi replies.

amy smirks to herself, remembering back to paige’s confession about loving azzi. “she’s missed you too.”

azzi smiles, pleased with amy’s response. although she knows paige has missed her, it’s still nice to hear it from someone else.

as they drive in the direction of uconn, the unfamiliar landscape of connecticut flashes by— azzi takes in the scenery, admiring each tree and building, knowing she’ll be here only next year. she still fails to shake the flutter of nerves, questioning if they’re bond will still be in tact after all this time of being apart.

“she’s going to be so surprised,” amy speaks up, breaking the moment of silence.

“i hope so,” azzi giggles. “i’m excited to tell her about my commitment.”

amy gasps, shocked at azzi’s words. “wait, you’re committing to uconn?”

“yeah,” azzi replies, biting her lip.

“oh my gosh, she’s gonna be so happy,” amy says, her eyes lighting up with joy.

azzi nods, “i think so too. i’ve been thinking about it for a while, ever since geno made his offer. i finally decided last month.”

“that’s great, azzi,” amy grins, knowing her daughter will be over the moon when she finds out.

the conversation dies out, azzi’s focus lingering out the car window. she fidgets with her fingers, an anxious habit of hers, as she is still nervous about reuniting with her best friend.

amy pulls up to conn; azzi takes in the size of the campus, admiring each area, knowing she’ll be here soon, playing alongside paige like she’s wanted to do so badly since USA basketball.

“alright, how do you wanna go about this? do you want me to text her, asking to meet out here?” amy asks the younger girl.

azzi weighs her options, thinking through each way to surprise her friend. “yeah, i think that’s best.”

amy reaches into her pocket, pulling out her phone. her fingers work away on the keyboard, before putting her phone down, a satisfied smirk on her face.

“she’s on her way.”

a bubble of familiar nerves erupt, once again, in azzi’s stomach. she bites the inside of her cheek, anxiously waiting for paige’s arrival.

azzi gets out of the car, running off to hide right next to the doors, but out of the view of paige, once she makes her way down.

the creak of the door startles the brunette, her eyes widening. her gaze immediately lands on the back of paige’s frame. “what is it, mom?” her voice is gentle with a hint of curiosity.

azzi steps out, stuffing her hands in her hoodie pockets, walking out casually in the direction of the blonde.

“happy birthday,” azzi says, successfully keeping her voices steady and calm.

paige whips around, instantly recognizing that voice. her lips gap, eyes locked on azzi’s brown ones.

paige rushes over to azzi in record time, throwing her arms around her waist, pulling her body flush against her own.

“how the fuck are you here?” paige mumbles into azzi’s curls, still in a daze.

“i flew in today, your mom picked me up from the airport,” azzi replies, beaming.

paige leans back, lifting azzi slightly off the ground, burying her face further in azzi’s neck. the brunette lets out a little squeal, her feet dangling.

“wanna go to my room?” paige says, her voice low. she pulls away, hands still brushing azzi’s hips when she meets her eyes.

“sure,” azzi answers, running off to quickly grab her duffel from the car.

paige waits for her, still in disbelief that azzi is here, in connecticut, for her birthday.

when azzi reaches paige on her way back, the older girl doesn’t hesitate to take azzi’s free hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. azzi swears her heart skips a beat at the small act of affection.

paige leads the way in front of azzi, tugging her by the hand through the hallways, turning corners until they reach paige’s dorm door. with a brisk motion, the door unlocks, revealing her very fitting dorm room.

azzi takes in the vivid decorations— basketball posters, a few books— before her line of sight lands onto their interlocked hands. paige glances back at azzi, her eyes lightening.

“i’m so glad your here,” paige whispers, gaze dropping across her features.

“me too, p,” she leans slightly into paige, welcoming her emitting warmth.

paige pulls the younger girl down onto her bed, into a sitting position, dropping right next to her. their thighs brush, enough for butterflies to spread throughout her chest.

azzi squeezes paige’s hand, biting the inside of her cheek. “i have to tell you something,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “oh— i have your birthday present, first.”

azzi painfully let’s go of paige’s grip, immediately missing her touch. she tries to tell herself it’s what all friends do— constantly touch one another, miss the warmth of each other’s hands. but this feels different, yet she doesn’t have to courage to confront any sort of feelings right now.

azzi rummages through her duffel, fingers brushing against clothes and beauty products in search of a small box nestled at the bottom.

“you didn’t have to get me anything,” paige says, although she buzzes with curiosity.

“nonsense,” azzi grins, finally gripping the box in her hand. she presents it to paige, opening it slowly, revealing the delicate, silver cross necklace. “i know you don’t wear jewelry that often but— it’s cute, right? i had to save up for like, two months for this. if you don’t like it though, i have the receipt, i can return it—“

azzi is cut off by paige yanking her down, pulling her back into another fierce hug; one full of meaning, of admiration, of unspoken love.

“it’s beautiful, az,” paige murmurs, hands coming up to cradle her head, “i love it.” i love you, is what she’s meaning to say, but lets the words die out on her tongue.

paige leans back, removing her hands from the back of azzi’s head, only for them to gently brush curls behind her ears, “what were you gonna tell me?” her eyebrows pinch down, curious for her response.

“oh, um,” azzi bites her lip, anxious for paige’s reaction. “i’m committing to uconn,” the words come out barely audible.

paige freezes, not quite believing the words that just came out of her mouth. “are you joking?” she says, jaw twitching. “cause if you’re joking azzi, i’m gonna be so pissed—“

azzi brings her hand to cover paige’s mouth, not wanting to hear another word. “i’m not joking, p, i swear.”

paige feels her heart pounding too hard in her chest, a rush of emotions overwhelming her. she attacks azzi with a powerful, deep hug— third time in short time azzi’s been here. with this motion, paige leans back, gently pushing azzi onto a laying position on her bed, their bodies flush against each other’s. azzi laughs softly, her surprise melting into comfort as paige tucks her head into the crook of azzi’s neck. “oh my god, oh my god…” she repeats over and over, still in disbelief.

“i’m taking this as a sign you’re pleased?”

paige, still pressed against azzi’s neck, answers, “hell yeah i’m pleased!” azzi giggles again, her hand moving up to paige’s back as she continues to lay, basically onto of her. “do you know what this means? we’ll see each other everyday, az. no more fucking facetimes.”

a bubble of excitement fills azzi’s stomach, already so incredibly ready to begin at this school. “i genuinely can’t wait.”

“i can’t…” paige’s words trail off. she inhales azzi’s scent, the smell of a fresh shampoo filling her nostrils. she props herself onto one elbow, enough so their faces are a few inches away. without a thought in her mind, the blonde leans down, peppering small kisses along azzi’s neck, up to her jaw.

a quiet gasp escapes azzi’s lips, her mouth parting with surprise, mixed with an undeniable pleasure. her eyes flutter shut as she tilts her head to the side, giving paige better access.

continuing to plant gentle kisses on azzi’s face, paige brings her other hand up to rest on the brunette’s stomach. she feels her stomach tense under her touch. “god azzi, i fucking lov…” her words fail to fully leave her lips, once again. she can’t quite seem to work up the courage to reveal her feelings towards the girl under her, but can’t seem to hide them, either.

paige eventually removes her lips off azzi’s flush skin— azzi immediately notices her glistening baby blue eyes.

azzi leans up into a sitting position, pulling paige up with her. “hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

paige sniffles, trying her best not to let the tears fall. “i’m sorry… i’m just,” she bites her lip, closing her eyes for a moment, attempting to get her emotions under control. “i’m so happy.”

“aw, stop, you’re going to make me cry,” azzi smiles, yet it’s full of warmth and understanding. azzi places her hand on paige’s cheek, wiping away a singular tear. leaning in, azzi kisses her damp cheek softly, her lips lingering for a moment. “cmon, you can introduce me to your teammates.”

yanking paige up from her spot on the bed, azzi connects their hands, not wanting to break contact. paige hiccups, finally calming down to the point she’s no longer crying. with their hands interlocked, paige leads azzi out the dorm door to make their way over to nika, a close friend and teammate of hers, room.

the blonde knocks on the door, still clutching azzi’s hand for dear life. when the door opens, revealing nika along with the entire uconn basketball team, loud cheers erupt mixed with birthday wishes.

“happy birthday paige!” the team shouts in unison, wide grins on their expressions. paige’s lips tip up, a hint of gratitude in her eyes.

being the kind of person paige is, she thanks each player individually, laying out her appreciation.

as nika approaches the pair, her gaze flicks to the brunette, who’s basically attached at paige’s hip— she’s not used to being surrounded by so many people she doesn’t know. “who’s this?” nika questions, making sure to keep her tone light and friendly.

“azzi, my best friend,” paige replies, a smile visual on her face. she tugs azzi forward, so they’re side to side, as her hand lands on the small of her back.

“oh, i see,” nika smirks, her voice knowing. “she mentions you a lot.”

paige’s eyes widen, lips curling up, clearly not pleased with her friend’s snarky comment. azzi only chuckles though, not seeing any harm in her words.

“she’s committing to uconn,” paige announces, trying her best to ignore what nika previously said.

the team’s chatter quiets as they listen in, curiosity piqued. nika raises an eyebrow, “oh really? you any good?”

paige playfully nudges her friend, pushing nika back a step. nika laughs, finding paige’s annoyance amusing. “she’s fucking great, nik. we’ll be lucky to have her here, that’s for damn sure.”

nika’s smirk grows, instantly recognizing the pair’s type of friendship. azzi’s cheeks warm, not expecting the sudden attention.

“cmon az,” the older girl tugs at azzi’s arm, dragging her over to the counter which contains an assortment of alcoholic beverages.

paige pours herself a shot, immediately throwing it back, causing her throat to burn. she blinks a couple times, before glancing over at the brunette by her side. “do you want one?”

azzi shallows, yet she already knows her answer. “hell yeah,” she grins.

azzi’s been drunk a handful of times by this point, but never with paige, considering they rarely see each other in person. although she loves the rush it gives her, she absolutely hates the hangover that comes with it.

paige hands the bottle over to azzi, who gratefully accepts it, pouring herself a shot of her own. azzi downs her shot, the warmth spreading through her. her gaze drifts to the blonde, who’s grinning with a spark of mischief in her eyes.

azzi smirks, “another?”

many drinks and collective, loud laughs later, paige and azzi found themselves seated on the couch, with azzi’s legs laid out on top of the older girl’s lap. the room echoed with background music and conversations, but all paige could focus on was the way azzi’s playful energy lit up the space around them.

paige subtly inches her hand up, over top of azzi’s leg, gently rubbing her calf, fingers tickling her skin.

“stop, that tickles,” azzi giggles, yet she makes no movements.

“you like it,” paige says like it’s a fact.

azzi shallows, feeling the tension surrounding them grow more intense. azzi’s cheeks redden once paige dares to move her hand up higher, to her thigh.

azzi adjusts her spot on the couch, shifting so her and paige are side by side, touching at the hip. the brunette, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over her, leans her head on paige’s shoulder.

azzi, in the drunken state she’s in, starts laughing at nothing as she nuzzles her face deeper in paige’s neck.

“what’s funny?” paige smiles.

“i don’t know,” azzi laughs once more.

without any notice, azzi’s lips connect with paige’s soft skin, placing gentle kisses up her neck and behind her ear. when paige lets out a moan so quiet only azzi can hear, she decides to test the waters, sucking and teasing.

“azzi…” paige mumbles, letting her pleasure be known. “you’re drunk.”

“and? so are you,” azzi mutters against her skin, continuing her movements.

“so we probably shouldn’t be doing this,” paige says, although her head tilting, giving azzi more access, says otherwise. “we’re friends…”

azzi, with her head still fuzzy, smirks, kissing her neck deeper. “friends do this.”

paige’s eyes roll back, her hand finding its way to azzi’s waist, hoisting her closer. “fuck it.”

not caring about all of her teammates in the room, paige connects their lips in a searing, all-consuming kiss— azzi crawls onto her lap, straddling her waist. the brunette deepens the kiss, adding her tongue in the mix. paige groans into her mouth; butterflies swirl in azzi’s stomach.

azzi’s hands find paige’s hair, fingers curling in her blonde locks, lightly tugging her head back. paige grips azzi’s ass, squeezing softly.

“fuck, paige,” azzi breaks the kiss, leaning her head back long enough for paige to move her attention to azzi’s neck, letting her lips work away at the skin.

“can you guys not dry hump one another on my couch?” nika voice booms, making paige and azzi tear their faces from each others. azzi glances down at paige under her frame, eventually moving off her lap as awkward tensions seeps in.

“let’s go to my room, az,” paige says, throwing a glare at the croatian.

she holds her hands out for azzi, who gratefully takes them. the pair says their goodbyes, paige thanks everyone for the birthday wishes, before making their way out the door.

the two girls walk in complete silence, letting the unsaid words hang in the air. as they reach paige’s dorm, the tension crackles softly around them. they move about, getting ready for bed, not bothering to make conversation. the remnants of laughter and the buzz of the small get-together lingers in the atmosphere. paige grabs her pajamas and changes quickly, glancing over at the younger girl, who is still a little flushed from their earlier kiss.

once they’re both in comfortable clothes, they crawl into bed, the softness of the sheets enveloping them.

paige turns to azzi, her gaze steady. “you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

azzi smiles so hard with her dimples exposed, her cheeks begin to hurt. she reaches out, grabbing paige’s head in her hands, kissing her forehead— twice, for good measure. “happy birthday, baby,” she whispers, still slightly feeling the effects of the alcohol.

paige freezes at azzi’s word choice, her heart quickening as her cheeks warm. she inhales a long breath before settling comfortably in bed, right alongside the younger girl, a shy smile on her face.

in the quiet, they share a moment of pure peace in each other’s presence, the gravity of the night lingering as they lay side by side, the outside world fading away.

[sporkarts]

Rio and Subtext

I'm pretentious and I love media analysis so I wanted to break open the scene where Rio and Agatha fight, right after Agatha has broken out of the spell. The fun part about media analysis is that I could be 100% wrong!! and that's okay lol

SO! AAA uses something called re contextualization, where almost every interaction has a layer that is given a greater context later on and i LOVE it. It's not 100% perfect but the biggest moments work so so well. I think one of the best examples of this is the first fight between Agatha and Rio. Looking back, especially during eps 4 and 5 it's really hard to see what the hell Rio was even doing there. But I firmly believe that Rio showed up to warn Agatha that the seven were coming. YES OBVIOUSLY her showing up was also a vehicle for exposition, but diegetically, I think it was Rio's way of warning Agatha.

Sources:

The beginning of the fight, it's obvious even from a first watch-through that Rio is holding back. She easily overpowers Agatha multiple times and at first we're meant to interpret this as someone 'playing with their food' so to speak. On a larger scale, I believe this is a test. "oh hey, you really are out, but you're also so vulnerable"

next, Agatha yields, something I think Rio isn't used to seeing her do. It's here where Rio confirms that Agatha 1. has no power and 2. has no idea what's been happening while she's been trapped.

Then, Rio concedes. She can't kill Agatha, but the Salem Seven can. On the first watchthrough, it sounds like she's tangentially related to the Salem Seven. She's dressed similarly to them, she's the one that mentions them, and she also specifically says she'll "tell them where to find you"

However, in Episode 5, we get context on a few things.

Who the Salem Seven are

Rio is very defensive of Agatha ("when her own mother tried to have her executed" "where is she?")

Rio doesn't particularly like the seven, in fact she seems to, at least in part, dislike them ( "they became a feral, hive-minded coven bent on revenge")

Rio doesn't like Evanora Harkness ("yeah well, her mother can't have her")

At no point is Rio ever shown to command or work with the salem seven, but she is shown protecting Agatha (verbally) from anyone who tries to take her away

When Rio is revealed as Death, it re-contextualizes a lot of the rest of their interaction. Rio cannot kill Agatha because it's against the cosmic rules (which we also learn she follows STAUNCHLY) but she also cannot directly save Agatha. If the Salem Seven were to attack her, Rio could not save her from dying. This also puts a lot of emphasis on their final battle, wherein Rio is so distraught that she's more than willing to break the rules of her existence just to bring Agatha closer to her.

SO!

her parting words from ep 1

"I am not the only one who wants to see you dead. Wants to see you burn, or hang, or drown" ... "Okay Agatha, but I'll be sure to tell them where to find you." ..."the worst of them, the Salem Seven, I expect you'll see them at sundown. After all these centuries, Agatha Harkness will finally meet her end, it really warms the heart" ..."yes I do, it's black and it beats for you"..."te veo"

translation: I love you. I cannot kill you (because of rules), I'm upset with you, but I cannot kill you (because it would kill me). And I'm obsessed enough with you that I cannot let anyone else kill you, but I cannot save you. So I am warning you, they aim to kill you and they can kill you. They will not hesitate and you cannot escape this if they find you, so find another solution. I love you so much my Very Being is devoted to you. I love you, and I see you.

again, yes, so much of that is exposition (antagonist setup, inciting incident etc) but I really and truly believe that this was a warning above all. feel free to disagree! i just love love talking about the deeper meaning behind things :3

[coopers-kitchen]

You know that old saying "The thrill is in the chase, not the capture?" That's still true in a lot of cases. I hunt a lot of my unwilling pigs, but hey, there's also good old fashioned seduction, albeit seduction is different if it's a cannibal and a longpig.

Sure, there's a lot of longpigs dying to end up in my kitchen, but there's something satisfying about convincing a pig that I'm what they deserve.

A lot of pigs have goals and ambitions and dreams. They want to travel, have careers, and here I am trying to convince them that they'll never find more fulfillment than as a meal.

Still, knowing that one of the world's top longpork chefs is craving their meat is an ego boost, and one a lot of them are surprisingly happy to indulge.

This porkboy has been on my radar for a long while, but I could tell straight away he wasn't the sort of longpig that'll drop everything because of my reputation. Still, he'd send me plenty of photos and videos showing off his meat, little messages about how fat he was getting, how he knew I'd love to eat him. He'd listen to me talk about the recipes I'd use, how I'd cook him, how he'd taste, but he refused to give in.

Hey, I like a guy who plays hard to get, sue me. It's exciting, and I'll admit it gets me hungry, although let's face it I average about two or three longpigs a month that I cook up alone, let alone butchered stock and meals elsewhere, but you know what it's like when you're craving something specific. I could have hunted him, or just bundled him into the back of a truck and taken choice out of the equation, but where's the fun in that? I wanted this pig to want it as much as I do.

Of course, I wasn't the only one who wanted this pork. He got a ton of invites to dinner from lesser chefs, hook-ups, even butchers, but he knew, even then, that he deserved more than an inexperienced chef or to be slaughtered like some common pig. He deserved a chef as great as his meat was.

Well, there's only so long that you can listen to a chef talking about how good you taste before the flattery starts to have effects. Three days before New Years and I get the perfect message.

"I'm at the airport. Pick me up before I change my mind."

I'll admit, I would have loved to keep him around as a housepig, but he was perfect for a New Year's roast - my chosen pig for the big meal was disappointed, but hell, he only has to wait another week before it's his turn in the oven.

For this longpig I used a longpork, apple and mixed berry stuffing and an apple whisky glaze. Me and my guests partied the night away while our meal had his own party in the oven - with regular bastings, of course. Come lunchtime on New Years Day and we had a perfectly roasted pork dinner to enjoy, and this pig was clearly satisfied with his decision. After all, it's one thing to play hard to get, but this pig was always going to end up on someone's menu - why not someone who truly knows how to bring out his best?

Start 2024 with my highest weight of 106 kg 🐖❤️🍽

[velvetvexations]

I’m. So baffled by that one dude saying that trans men being able to pretend to be women is a privilege, because in his tags he says that it’s a thing specific to transmascs. Does he mean pretending to be cis as a means of safety is a transmasc specific thing?? Because uh, I’m… pretty sure that’s something that can be done regardless of a trans person’s gender? There are transfems and nonbinary people who can also pretend to be cis [whatever their agab was], too?

Its also not a privilege. Having to hide what you are out of fear isn’t a fucking privilege lmao

strangely people understand that when it's about trans women

just saw a post on my dash saying "'infighting' is a dogwhistle which frames transfems as aggressors". i really hope the tide is turning like you said, bc this shit is getting exhausting and im still seeing it from random people i follow who otherwise gave no indication that they drank the koolaid.

they make me out to be the aggressor all the time!

Nazi imagery anon here

These are the pics I was referring to.

As you can see it’s posted on the verified border security account and you can see two different nazi symbols on him :(

yeah it looks like standards for what they allow soldiers to adorn themselves with are low and the person taking and posting the pics aren't paying good enough attention because that guy also straight up has a naked anime bitch on his knife sheath

as I said this is an individual thing and they need to start knocking their heads together like the Three Stooges and sending them into trenches first

You know who saying that th**fab is actually a storied term that trans fems have been using to identify transmisogonists is fucking insane like girl that's such obvious lie give us nothing

they aren't even trying

It’s crazy how almost every other day on this site I see a new post with like 50k notes talking about how absolutely NOBODY deserves to be harassed, sent death threats or be put on blast yet once again I’m seeing people trying to justify the harassment of another transmasc teenager. Honestly people should just start openly admitting Tumblr is becoming increasingly hostile towards trans masculine individuals, I don’t see clownery on this level on any other platform-

Tumblr...is really bad.

I think the reason why this whole headcanons discourse bothers me so much is that is really is just fuelled by petty spite. Like all these characters are cisgender in canon. We make headcanons because it’s FUN to expand on characters in ways that reflect our different life experiences in whatever form that may take. Intentionally going after transmascs, especially young transmascs, for doing this with characters like they like and accusing them of all these different things genuinely does just feel like bigotry. Who cares if a head canon may not make the most amount of sense? It’s a cisgender fictional character we’re playing around with! Why does it have to be some grand act of activism to say blorbo number 3 is transmasc? We have much bigger fish to fry here.

exactly it's such dedication to not letting anyone else have anything

So sick of people acting like trans men are the same as cis men under the patriarchy and moreso im really sick of the "you're privileged to not be surrounded by men". Like, for lack of better phrasing, saying that about a group of people that is generally perceived as "failure women" pre transition (and sometimes during and post) is a little tone deaf. All about acknowledging how women and people perceived as women are harmed by misogyny until the ones perceived are men. Gender essentialism is ugly and tasteless and nonsensical. Please feel free to delete this im just rambling without a point

rambling is okay anon <3

„wow ur so privileged to not fear men”

i fear the fucking everyone asshole, i just realized that isnt everyone elses fault so i should still treat them with respect !!!!!

that woman called me a "self-hating doll" and I hate the second part a lot more than the first

[carriagelamp]

My favourite books from 2024! Another really strong year of books for me -- every year will have some stinkers and a bunch of middling reads, but the highs of this year were really high so I'm pretty content

As always, I give more detailed descriptions and opinions of the books in my month reviews, but here's a quick breakdown for anyone who's interested:

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

A non-fiction book that looks at how childhood has been “rewired”, focusing specifically on the increase of overprotective parenting, increase of tablet/social media usage, and decrease of unstructured, independent play. It was a fascinating read that really looked at how children need to be given lots of opportunities to play, take risks, and make mistakes in order to learn and grow and how a loss of that might be impacting people’s mental health. As someone right on the cusp of the age bracket that’s being focused on, it felt very exposing.

Apothecary Diaries v1-2 by Natsu Hyuuga

Maomao is kidnapped and sold as a servant to the imperial palace, where she serves as a general dogsbody in the rear palace, home of the emperor’s various consorts and concubines. She’s determined to keep her head down until her contract is up… until she helps solve a mystery and catches the eye of the powerful eunech Jinshi who soon learns about her in-depth knowledge of apothecary work and anything to do with poisons. Very funny premise, Maomao hates Jinshi soooo much and he is such a simp for it. She just wants to eat poisons and be left alone and he says “no<3” to both of those

Bury Your Gays (and Straight) by Chuck Tingle

Both of these are very explicitly queer horror novels. Straight is a novella that riffs on the format of a zombie story, but with straight people becoming inexplicably violent towards queer people one day a year. Bury Your Gays is about a Hollywood screenwriter who realises his horror creations are begin to stalk him in the real world. Both are very intentionally built around social commentary on queer issues, and despite have audacious premises they completely own their camp and end up producing really well thought out, insightful stories. I can’t say I liked either as much as Camp Damascus but either is worth a read.

Console Wars by Blake J. Harris (and Blood, Sweat, and Pixels by Jason Schreier)

Console Wars is a nonfiction book I’ve meant to read for years on my brother’s recommendation and I quite enjoyed it. It explores the history of the video game console market in North America, with a focus on how Nintendo revitalized it and how Sega then swooped in to upset the monopoly it held. The book is written in a very narrative, personable style and I found myself really rooting for the various people and companies being portrayed ahahaha. A shockingly fun read. I also read Blood, Sweat, and Pixels which wasn’t quite as narratively compelling but a related read that looked at games with complex development cycles.

Defekt by Nino Cipri

Technically the sequel to Finna which I also read this year, but Defekt works as a stand-alone and is, imho, the better of the two. Both deal with a surrealist horror Ikea setting, where the sheer density and liminal-space-ness of it all allows strange wormholes to open up between these stores from different dimensions. Finna deals with actual wormhole hopping, whereas Defekt focuses in on one employee who gets assigned to a very strange overnight inventory shift.

The Disabled Tyrant’s Beloved Pet Fish v1-2 by Xue Shan Fei Hu

Fish isekai book. Is this a good book? No. Is it a really really fun book? Yes, in spades. In this book, Li Yu wakes up in a court drama novel… but not as a character but rather as the tyrannical prince’s pet fish. He is given the task to improve the prince and is stuck figuring out how the hell to do this as a fish. This book knows exactly how ridiculous it is and leans into it. Li Yu and Prince Jing are both idiots in very unique and exciting directions. No one knows what the fuck is happening.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire

A prequel to Every Heart a Doorway, though it works perfectly well as a standalone. Honestly I liked it more than the first. This book has deliciously gothic horror vibes, and it plays with all the tropes you would expect from gothic horror / fear of the sublime. It’s about sisters who find a strange chest that lets them descend to the sinister land of the Moors. This is where vampires rule, werewolves stalk, and mad scientist’s ply their craft. The girls end up separated on and very different trajectories as they grow and acclimatize to the brutal existence of the Moors.

Escape From Incel Island by Margaret Killjoy

Exactly what it says on the tin. Completely insane book that is very worth the read if you feel like something that is patently insane. I strongly recommend treating this as a read aloud with a friend or loved one because I read it with my brother and couldn’t stop laughing. Top notch mercenary Mankiller Jones is sent to escort a computer scientist to Incel Island to retrieve lost governmental data. There they have to survive the hoards of Nice Guys, Volcels, Betas, and every other violent inhabitant of the island if they ever want to… escape from Incel Island.

Heaven Official’s Blessing v6-8 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

I finished the main series of Heaven Official’s Blessing (without reading the extras yet), and man what an ending! I could not have asked for a more epic or satisfying conclusion! The final battle and its various stages? The character reconciliation? The villain reveal? Perfect, no notes. The series itself follows Xie Lian, a prince who has ascended to godhood twice and been cursed and cast out from Heaven just as many times, giving him the title of the Laughingstock God. The story begins with him, to everyone’s dismay, ascending a third time.

Horrorstör (and Paperbacks from Hell, My Best Friend’s Exorcism) by Grady Hendrix

This book also deals with a Strange Alternate Ikea, but is the superior book. This was one of my top reads for 2024, and it was flawless horror. It is essentially a haunted house story set in an Ikea, that manages to be both chilling, disgusting, and a shockingly insightful critique of capitalism and retail. Very worth the read. 

After reading this I also read Paperbacks from Hell (a nonfiction book that does an analysis of horror fiction from the ‘70s and ‘80s, very good read) and My Best Friend’s Exorcism (which was decent but not my favourite of Hendrix’s since possession and exorcism isn’t my favourite brand of horror. The vaguely queer undertones and ending I found interesting, and it did some cool things throughout.)

Jeeves and Wooster books by P.G. Wodehouse

I ended up listening to so many of the Jeeves and Wooster audiobooks this summer while I was travelling. There were some I really really loved and some that fell very flat for me. I think I listened to too many in a row by the end… These books are like popcorn, not deep but very fun, and follow the airheaded but good natured Bertie Wooster and his man Jeeves who unfailing swoops in to solve all the strange and inane problems the Bertie gets involved in. They tend to be funny, light-hearted, and clever in their resolution of plot problems… though some of the issues do get rather repetitive. My favourites were: The Inimitable Jeeves, Very Good Jeeves, Right Ho Jeeves, and the Code of the Woosters.

Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi

Some excellent science fiction, especially for my Pacific Rim loving heart. This bordered on the cosy fantasy genre, while mixing in plenty of science, world-building and a good dash of excitement. During the Covid-19 lockdown, Jamie Gray is stuck trying to make ends meet as a food delivery driver… until he runs into an old acquaintance who suggests he might have a very different job offer for him. Jamie ends up joining this very secretive “animal rights group” and finds out just how massive, dangerous, and otherworldly these “animals” are by being risked to an entirely different dimension filled with giant, radioactive monsters.

Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Books by Kirsten Miller

One of my favourite books from this year! Tthis book managed to hit on very topical subjects with both tact and humour. Lula Dean has spearheaded a book banning crusade, managing to get a number of “problematic” books removed from the library and has made a show of setting up a Little Free Library in her yard full of “appropriate” books instead. When Beverly Underwood visits her mother and hears about this she’s so exasperated with it all that she quickly hatches a plan swapping out the dust jackets of some of the banned books with the ones in Lula Dean’s Little Free Library. The rest of the story is about various people in the town who borrow a book from Lula Dean’s library and how the book they got instead ends up impacting not just themselves but their town. The first story involves a penis cake. Can’t recommend it enough, starts out humour and quickly becomes something you want to rally around.

My Happy Marriage v1 by Akumi Agitogi

This was pure mindless fluff, it was honestly a delight. This is a low-fantasy, Cinderella-esque story set in the Taishō era. It focuses on Miyo Saimori who lives under the thumb of her cruel step-mother, haughty step-sister, and indifferent father. She’s resigned to being treated like a servant in her own home and ekeing out a strained existence, but her life takes a turn when she finds herself nominally engaged to the allegedly cold and cruel Kiyoka Kudou. It’s just absolutely overwhelmingly cute and I really enjoy the contrasting POVs.

A Series of Unfortunate Events and Poison for Breakfast by Lemony Snicket

I’d never finished The Series of Unfortunate Events when it was originally coming out, so I finally sat down and did that, and honestly it was well worth the wait! It was a very interesting series to read as an adult, especially all in one go, because it really let me appreciate everything that Snicket was trying to say. It was a much more clever and philosophical read than I was anticipating, and The End was fucking superb. He absolutely stuck the landing, it completely blew me away. Poison For Breakfast was also a very interesting standalone novella that felt like surrealist philosophy. I might have even enjoyed it more than the basic TSOUE.

The Poison Squad (and The Poisoner’s Handbooks) by Deborah Blum

Poison Squad is a very compelling and topical nonfiction about the formation of the American Food and Drug act. The state of unregulated food processing in the late 19th century was, in a word, nightmarish. Don’t read this book if you have a weak stomach. But it’s completely fascinating to see how one person, Dr Harvey Wiley, made it a personal mission to scientifically prove what all these mysterious food additives were doing to people and put limits to what could be sold to consumers. I liked it so much I went to read Blum’s other book, The Poisoner’s Handbook which is set during Prohibition and explores the rise of forensic medicine and again exposes how people were being poisoned by simply living their standard lives.

The Pushcart War by Jean Merrill

The real, true history of the New York City Pushcart War!! For real!!! This is a delightful underdog story that is really written in the style of a history textbook recounting the fictional Pushchart War. This war started in New York City as the roads get increasingly congested with traffic, the worst offenders being the increasingly massive and arrogant trucks. The trucking companies hatch a plan though: if they begin to push out the little pushcarts, framing them as the problem for the congestion, then how hard would it be to push out taxis next? Or buses? Or motorcars? How long until they can make the road a perfect habit for trucks and trucks alone? How can something as small and poor as a pushcart owner fight back?

Railsea (and This Census-Taker) by China Miéville

I heard Railsea described on tumblr and it sounded sufficiently insane that I had to read it for myself. This author is truly unrivaled when it comes to bizarre worldbuilding that feels both very, very grounded in reality while also being completely unexplained and impossible. Railsea is essentially a Moby Dick meets Treasure Island retelling but with trains instead of boats and giant, mutated, vicious moles instead of whales. Unhinged. Can’t recommend enough. I followed this up by reading his novella This Census-Taker which was not as much of a frolicking adventure but fucked with my brain just as much or more than Railsea did. Genuinely not sure I even know what happened in that story but I enjoyed the experience of being completely fucking baffled for some 200 pages.

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

Another book to ideally not read if you have a weak stomach. This novella is very big on unrelenting body horror. This is a twisted fairytale retelling in which a cannibalistic Little Mermaid meets a plague doctor Frankenstein. Both of them are walking away from cruel past lives, along a trail that’s soaked in blood and viscera. You feel how painfuly and disgustingly human this book is, while also being so wildly separate from anything that resembles human anatomy or morality. Superb.

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System v1-4 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

The last of MXTX’s three series I needed to read. It was the one I was most hesitant about, but I ended up having a really great time with it. It is simultaneously the most light-hearted and silly of the three series, while also the one that most gleefully dives into torture and sex. So you get a bit of everything with this, and as usual MXTX does a really good job of mixing the humour and series in a way that keeps things constantly interesting. The story is about Shen Yuan who dies our of pure, frothing fury after reading the shitty ending to the shitty, porny webnovel he’s been reading for hundreds of thousands of words. He dies cursing the lousy author and the lousy writing so he’s given a chance: step up and do it better! Which is easier said than done, when he finds himself waking up in the body of the series’ villain who is destined to be gruesomely tortured to death. Better get on that!

Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays the Rent by Judi Dench and Brendan O'Hea

This is the written result of a number of interviews held between Judi Dench and Brendan O’Hea and she discusses her time as a Shakespearean actress. It looks into what her time working with theatre companies was like, summarizes the plays she took part in, and delivers into some fascinating character analysis of the roles she played. An absolute treasure of a book for someone who enjoyed their Shakespeare and/or Judi Dench.

Singing Hills Cycle v1-5 by Nghi Vo

Probably my favourite series that I read this year, I can’t wait for the next book! This series follows Chih and her magical bird companion who come from the Singing Hills Monastery, an order that is devoted to keep recording tales and keeping a history of the land. Chih travels all over in these various novellas, collecting stories, memories, and histories that they come across. The first book has them entering the recently unwarded palace of the late Empress to learn about her marriage, imprisonment and rise in power. The second has them trapped by a pack of tigresses with nothing to do but frantically lure them into comparing stories. 

The War That Saved My Life by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

Ten year old Ada was born with a club foot and because of it has never been allowed to leave her apartment. She lives a hard life trying to care for her younger brother and suffer through the abuses of her mother. Things change though as the Second World War truly begins and London begins to evacuate children to the country. Ada is determined — she and her brother will evacuate, they will escape their mother’s house, even if it means her learning how to walk on her club foot. Even if it means facing how different life is for unwanted slum children in the country, and confronting how much she and her brother don’t know about life. This was a very touching book, it did a great job of balancing Ada’s justifiable pain and anger with an optimistic story. Queer elements are all subtext but there — they aren’t the main focus of this story.

When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill

This book absolutely took my breath away, it was a next level literary experience. It’s very, very solidly magical realism, so don’t go into this expecting true fantasy, everything going on here is allegorical and a beautifully done allegory at that. This story is set during the 1950s, in a time surrounding an event known as “The Mass Dragoning” when thousands of women suddenly, spontaneously, transformed into dragons and flew away. The story follows Alex Green who was a child during this event. Her aunt transformed. Her mother didn’t. Both of these things have profound impacts on Alex as she grows up, and a woman’s role in society, a woman’s anger, her joy, her desire are all questioned and explored.

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Breaking Up With Them - Beidou & Eula X Male!Reader

A/N: It's been a long time since I did one of these. I hope I didn't lose my skill for writing angst.

CW: Unhealthy relationship dynamics, ambivalent fault (Beidou), alcohol abuse, foul language, not proofread.

Beidou is a free spirit. Strong, self-sufficient, witty and, most importantly, independent. For years now she has been the one at the helm, steering her life towards any waters she, and only she, feels like. That doesn't matter; she still forms attachments, of course. The ship, the whole fleet, her crew, the Traveler, Kazuha and you are all examples of nice things she holds dear.

Yes. Nice things.

You loved her for her freedom. She decided for herself and walked on her own path, allowing you the same space to do your own thing. You were partners - equals in this relationship. There wasn't a thing she could do that you couldn't. Going out drinking? Allowed. Sleeping over at a hotel or a friend's house instead of your shared corner of Liyue Harbour or the ship? If the situation demands, why not? It's safer than coming back drunk through the streets. Hanging out with pals without the other half? Sure, it's not like you're out cheating. Both of you accepted this and thrived in this setup. You trusted her with your heart, just like you did with your life many times before.

Months went by, then years. You lived a life of adventure, merrymaking and seamanship by her side. This was nice, but just warming her bed wasn't enough for you. She was beautiful, brave and kind. You loved her, you wanted more. But Beidou wasn't keen on talking about marriage. It was always “later” or “we’ll figure it out”, followed by a date that you just knew would net you the same answer. You couldn't honestly say you understood her. Twirling her engagement ring to-be in your fingers, you wondered why. What was making her turn you down? These doubts ate away at you, and soon enough, you wanted to confront her. But she was faster.

—

“Still holding on to that thing, aren't you?”

You jump, closing your hand the moment you hear a familiar, strong voice behind you. Head turning away from the window and back at the newcomer, you spring up from the chair. You lay eyes on none other than the capitan herself.

“Beidou?” You say, a bit of embarrassment in your voice. After all, being caught like this didn't scream “tough guy”. “Knock first, please.”

She is leaning on the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. “Why should I? You're not playing with yourself here, are you?”

Beidou chuckles, relaxing her arms and walking over. “Besides, I'd gladly join you if you were~” She plops herself next to you, placing her hand on your thigh.

“Mhm…” You muse, gently stopping her hand from going where it's not ladylike to go. “Do you have any business, or did you come here just to fluster me, hun?”

Her face turns to an expression of mock disappointment for a brief moment. “Aw, you're not fun.” Beidou sighs and motions at your closed hand, covering the small, golden ring. “Yeah, I have something to talk about. This, specifically.”

Your heart stops, before beating again at twice the speed. Is she… No, can't be. But, maybe…? You relax your grip, revealing the ornament on your open palm. Both of you look at it, before raising your eyes to meet the other’s.

Much to your chagrin, Beidou doesn't lift a finger.

“Give it a rest, Y/N. Let's not hurry with our relationship. We have a nice thing going between us, and we could ruin it if we're going too fast, you know?”

You furrow your brow. “You always say that. You've said that for the past year.”

“Why won't you just let it go?”

“And why won't you accept it?”

Silence. Beidou bites her lip. There's a spark in her eye, the same that announces she's had enough. You swallow.

“Because I don't want to marry you, alright? I don't want to settle down, I don't want a husband, I don't want children. That's it.”

Your heart doesn't stop. It doesn't even slow down, or flinch, or react with the slightest of movements. Even though her words are not what you ever wanted to hear, the reasonable part of you was prepared for the news. She continues.

“Listen, Y/N, babe, hun, darling.” Beidou takes your face in her calloused hands, touching your cheeks with the gentleness you've grown accustomed to. This time, her touch felt… pointless. “It's not about you specifically, alright? I love you, I still do. Nothing has changed about that. I just don't want to become a house hen, let go of the life I have-”

“But none of this will happen! The only thing that will change will be the rings on our fingers…” You say, but your confidence wanes. Beidou smiles, shaking her head.

“No, babe. That's not what you, or what my children would deserve. You deserve a commited, stable relationship. You deserve a wife and mother at home, and stable land under your feet.” A sigh escapes her lips. She brushes her finger across your cheek, as if wiping an invisible tear from your eye. “You don't deserve the burden of a dangerous life away from home. Remember - a single bad storm and we're fish food.”

“Beidou, listen, I-” You pull back, but she tries to cup your face again. Your pulse rises as you swat her hands away. “No, don't play sweet with me! You…”

Unable to take it, you stand up. Deep breaths, you think, looking for the right words in your head. Finally, they come, but you can only utter them through your teeth. Your head, your chest, your cheeks and hands feel hotter by the second.

“Seven years… We are a couple for seven years now, and you've never told me this…”

Beidou frowns, scoffing. “What? Nope. I did.” The gentleness in her demeanor fades, replaced by a tone of disappointment. “I've given you more than enough clues. It was obvious from the first time you asked.”

“Obvious? Not really.” You point an accusatory finger at her. “Why didn't you tell me outright?”

“Pfeh! I didn't think you'd fail to catch on. Besides, I care about your feelings. It would be a major blow to our relationship.”

“What do you mean “major blow”? Then why are telling me this now? Is it any less major?”

Beidou feels her pressure rise. Why are you this stupid? You press on.

“You appreciate honesty, right? Then how come you weren't honest with me yourself? Hypocritical of you, Beidou!”

“For fucks’ sake, Y/N! Shut up and let me speak for a moment!” You go quiet. She never raised her voice on you before, but Beidou is too agitated to care. “Archons! Sorry, I didn't account for you being a retard I guess? Look, the point is that my answer is no. And my answer will be no, every single fucking time you ask me. What we have now works for me, and if you can't understand it, fuck off.”

Thick silence fills the room. Beidou is red on the face; her eyes are sharp, chest raising and falling with her faster breathing. She points at the door of her cabin.

Unsure, you look back. This… Well, this had to end someday. Even so, you can't make the steps to walk out. It's as if your feet were frozen to the planks below.

“I'm sorry. It's just… I can't really keep this going. I don't want to give you false hope. So, uh…”

Beidou looks down, suddenly unable to face you.

“You have the keys, right? Pack up and go. Don't look back. It will be best for both of us.”

You sigh. Perhaps she is right. But it still hurts to let her go. But regardless, you need time to think, and she needs it as well. Maybe it is for the best.

“Right. See you, I guess…”

Beidou doesn't respond. You press the handle and step over the threshold, turning your head to catch one last glance of Beidou. You hope to see tears, hope to hear her plead for you to come back. But only a vague grimace rests on her face.

You step out, and never come back.

Eula’s life was a tough one since the day of her birth. For the first half, she struggled with the demands of an aristocratic upbringing under the unwavering scrutiny of her parents and relatives, and her reward was equally unrelenting harassment and ostracism for the other part. Even the strongest of people would struggle to go on like this, so it's no wonder that Eula picked up a few coping methods throughout the years. Embracing the role of a stereotypical Lawrence through speech and mannerisms, while certainly never helping her reputation, did give her a sense of belonging in the liminal world between her pedigree and the whole of society. Inevitably, the main temptation in the Nation of Freedom pulled her in, and Eula soon became a regular at Angel's Share. Thus, a perfect regular she became - the captain always left loads of Mora at the tavern while having the capacity to never become a nuisance, no matter the amount of alcohol in her veins. 

When the first wave of hate sizzled out thanks to her deeds in the Knights and Amber befriended her, Eula's coin pouch suddenly felt heavier as less money was spent on drinks. She opened up to people, and in return, they lowered their guard. She could buy things again, people (most of them anyway) stopped throwing her hateful glances and spitting at the mention of her name. Somehow, the opposite sex stopped resenting her enough to not only stop calling her “the Lawrence whore”, but also show a bit of interest in her as a woman. Just a tiny bit. But clearly, she improved her relationship with the men of Mondstadt sufficiently to become an interesting person in your eyes. And what a guy you were - willing to spend time with her beyond what's absolutely necessary, and enjoying every minute of it. A romantic, a wonderful dance partner, a stalwart companion she could lean on - you were each of those things. She fell in love, and as mutual lovers do, you soon slipped the rings on each other’s fingers. 

And yet, this moment of her life, undoubtedly the happiest at the time, became a spark that ignited a new storm of issues. Her family, while already dissatisfied and looking at the young woman with suspicion, now became disgusted with her. She married a commoner, a commoner that wasn't even rich. Your status as a simple baker was enough to push them to start actively harassing you and your business, for no other reason than that you were “corrupting” the Lawrence bloodline with that street filth they thought was flowing in your veins. Eula, of course, instantly took up the glove and started fighting them in courts and in dark alleys, helping out whenever she could. You were one of the few that treated her well, and she could never let anybody hurt you. Especially if it was because of her. The fight was not so simple, however, as the distaste towards her name returned, now spreading on you as well. People mocked you, called you “the Lawrence fucker”, they harassed you and her, also occasionally attacking your bakery. Broken windows, graffiti, false rumours and allegations - that had to be fought against as well. As your wife, it was her duty to defend you, especially if who they really wanted was her. 

But it was a war of attrition, and no matter how hard she fought, she needed back up. Eventually, the comforting embrace of hard liquor was too powerful to resist and Eula made the first step back on that slippery slope of a path. But this time, she had much to lose. 

—

Nine. Ten. Eleven. 

You reach under the desk, scanning the area for more. There they are, you think, grabbing the neck of another bottle of wine, filled only with the ever present dust. With a frown of disgust, you kneel on the floor, sticky with… something. 

Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty one. Twenty two. 

The bag, clicking with every added bottle, is becoming unbearably heavy. It's getting heavy, but you wanted to get it over with quickly - another three or four couldn't hurt your back that much. 

Twenty three. Twenty four. 

The front door opens, marking Eula’s arrival. She was late, indicating the obvious. Nonetheless, you remain dedicated to your task - her room was starting to resemble a gang hideout, and the smell and dust were starting to spread across the house. It was unhealthy to be in it, let alone sleep there. Your wife could at least let you wash the duvet and pillows more often. You gave up on hoping she could do it on her own some time ago. 

Twenty five. 

You close the sack and twist the end, lifting it up and heading for the basement. These bottles weren't worth much by themselves, but sold back to the Winery in this quantity, would net you some extra Mora. Maybe you could finally buy a new vacuum cleaner battery from the Fontaine merchant this month - the house could really use a dusting, but you've grown thoroughly sick of sweeping. 

“Good afternoon, dear.” You say as you pass your wife in the corridor. Every part of you is focused on keeping the bag as still as possible. If you'd manage to act fast and inconspicuous, maybe she wouldn't turn her eyes towards you. You really weren't in the mood to talk to her. 

She doesn't respond, walking past you to the bathroom. A little haste, enabled by the ability to be loud without consequence, leads you to the storage and back in seconds. You wave another bag, spreading it out for the task to come. However, by the time you're back on the cleaning’s frontline, she already finished up and returned there. 

Seeing Eula in her underwear, sat down on the unmade bed with her clothes discarded in the corner and a book in her hand, makes you stop in your tracks. Her silence tells you she's in a foul mood, and regardless of the reason, you would not want to interact with her now. Still, the cleaning wouldn't do itself. You clutch the bag and go in. 

Keeping your eyes glued to the floor and your step confident might be overkill, but you really don't want her to question you. She doesn't seem to mind you cleaning her room, luckily. 

Twenty six. Twenty seven. Twenty eight. Twenty nine. 

You get up and look at the bed. The messy, dirty lair was where Eula spent most of her time - no wonder, given that the desk was stacked high with tomes, bottles and trash at all times. You notice a familiar shape on the windowsill. 

Thirty. Thirty one. Thirty two bottles of wine and one miniature of Snezhnayan Fire Water. 

“I'm not done with that. Give it here.”

You freeze just short of putting the small bottle in the trash bag. On closer inspection, there indeed is some clear liquid left inside. Without looking at her, you pass her the bottle. With the corner of your eye you see Eula down what's left and put it on the ground, amongst the dust, hair and dried wine. With a slightly tense hand you pick it up and place it in the bag. 

Turning around to look for the rest, you hear her voice again. 

“Why are you here? Stop cleaning and get out of here. I want to be alone.” She turns her head just enough to look at you sideways. Her eyes are cold and bitter, a far cry to the feelings you saw therein years ago. “Don't you understand that?”

“I need to tidy up here. The dust spreads to other rooms, and I think you could use some more space”, you say, as confidently and casually as you can, continuing to place bottles in your bag. 

Thirty three. Thirty four. Thir-

A creak of the bed makes you spin around. Eula's book is on the floor, a torn off wine label used as a bookmark. You sneak a quick glance at her face to asses her mood, finding a displeased grimace on her face. Her normally pale complexion has a fair bit of colour to it now. 

On no, no no no. Barbaros no. Please no. Not good. Not good. 

“You can tidy all you want when I'm on duty, not now. I come here for peace and quiet, not you plunging this room into chaos with your nonsense. Is that so hard to understand?” Her breath reaches you, and your nose instantly picks up a hint of alcohol amongst the smell of unwashed teeth. 

Your lips tighten. This really needs to be done, maybe you could grab at least one more- 

Eula’s voice grows louder. Her hands find her way to her hips. “Are you deaf? Or just dumb? Besides, it's late and you should be in bed. Fuck off to sleep.”

It is eleven in the evening, and you were usually in bed - if you weren't, your slightly drunk wife would stumble into your room and kill every light source without a word. But this phrase was nothing new to you, and it always spelled incoming anger each time. When drunk, Eula was a ticking bomb - recently, even the slightest annoyance could push her into a frenzy of bitter accusations and foul language. You weren't about to provoke her. 

“Okay, I'll leave. I'm sorry.” You turn around, and head for the door. However, you feel a strong hand grip your wrist, holding you in place. “Y-yes, honey?”

Eula’s face is the same, unchanging frown. Her eyes are misty and unfocused from the alcohol in her system. “Don't honey me. What's the deal with you lately? You either beg me for money or act like a retard.”

Swallowing, you think of an answer. Asking her why she said so was pointless - in her eyes, even the smallest of things could become proofs of infidelity or some flaw of character. But the only thing occupying your mind is her state. Without much thinking, you quietly answer. “Eula, I-I think you're drunk… Can we talk about this later?”

You flinch when her grip tightens. “Again with that bullshit? I told you, I'm never drunk - I know myself, and I know how much I can drink. I am never drunk, and I am not a drunk. Got that?”

A meek nod from you makes her brow furrow. “Look me in the eyes when I speak to you. Do you understand?” She clenches her hand further, eliciting a quiet gasp from you. 

“Yes, Eula. I understand. You're never drunk. I'm sorry for saying that.” Nothing matters in your mind now except appeasing her. You don't want to be screamed at, not again. Hesitantly, you look up at her. “Could you let go? It hurts…”

She does so, and you immediately rub your wrist. It's red and aching, and Eula doesn't seem to care. “So why do you keep asking for money huh? Are you spending it on your whims, Y/N? Or maybe on hookers? The money I gave you was always enough in the past.”

“It wasn't. I always had to chip in too.” You reply, sounding a bit defensive. You can't help it - your income is not great compared to her, but you work hard for it. It's only natural for you to defend yourself, but you instantly regret it when you hear her tone raise. 

“You're lying. I know how much we spend. Don't bullshit me.” She snarls. 

“Eula, please calm down. The sink broke, a-and we needed to change the toilet seat, and I had to buy winter clothes. I'm asking because the floors would really use a make-over, the walls are a bit dirty too… I could paint them, if I had the money.” There was always so much to do around the house, but Eula usually ignored it. She wasn't about to fix anything herself, and you would do it no problem, but you needed Mora to buy the necessary items. More than you could afford on your own. 

“You have the money. You're trying to make a fool out of me again, huh? What, stuffing your mouth with what we have at home doesn't suffice anymore? You wanna eat out?” You try to talk back, but she cuts you off. “Don't you dare try to say anything, you fat, sneaky asshole. You just want to pocket the cash! That's why you married me, huh?”

It's not the first time you hear these words, but they hurt all the same. How can she say those things to her own husband? What did you do to her? “Eula, why are you like this?”

“What? Why am I not taking your lies, you mean? Because I'm not stupid enough to fall for your puppy eyes.” She places her hand on your back and pushes you towards the door. “I've had my share of your shit today. Get out.”

You don't say a word, stumbling slightly as she forces you out. When she's done, Eula leans on the doorway for support. You know it's not right. You know it's toxic. Usually, you would bow and take it. But something in your heart, a small flicker of dignity, bubbles up to the top. 

“You're abusive Eula. You shouldn't treat me like this! I c-clean the house, I work hard, I do everything-”

Eula scoffs in response. “How dare you. I give you money, I give you a roof over your head, I keep you safe from the people, I love you, I care for you and I get this in return. How dare you, you ungrateful bastard!”

She lounges at you. 

“No! Please, Eula, I-” You say, but the words die in your throat when she grabs your collar. Then, with the alcohol clouding her self control, she throws you towards your room. 

You fall on the floor, hitting your head on a drawer. Hand clutching your head in an attempt to shield it, you look back. Eula, her stance wobbling a little, grabs your work bag, opens it, and dumps all the tools and items on the floor. She tossed the empty container at you. 

“Pack yourself, mister. You're no husband of mine. Beg on the street, where you belong - I don't care.” Upon seeing the shock on your face, she stomps her foot and shouts. “Move!”

Scrambling to get up, you pull open your drawer and  frantically scoop up everything inside. Watching you, Eula crosses her arms, using the wall as a support for her blurry world. Once the mass of clothes reaches the top of your pack, she approaches you, causing you to leap towards the door and run. She tries to kick you, but is not coordinated enough to do so. Still, she pursues you and watches as you turn around. 

“Out!”

You shut the door. 

Eula looks at it for a minute with unfocused eyes. Her heart beats rapidly, her body is hot, but there's still some sober though in her mind. 

She turns on her heel back towards her room. After snatching a full bottle from the wardrobe, Eula pushes all the clutter on her desk aside and sits down. She gulps down a third of the bottle in one breath, indifferent to the warmth spreading in her throat. The bottle is slammed down on the desk with a loud thud. 

Her head soon follows.

She falls into empty sleep, your terrified face burnt into her memory. Forever. 

Thanks for reading.

[doughguts-art]

What is your stance on the "Elsen is one guy who cloned himself a bajillion times" comment from the 15th anniversary livestream

My stance is that I respectfully disagree (for lack of a better term). Since “all elsens are clones of one person” wasn’t ever stated/explored in-game, I find it more fun to explore other Elsen origins for my projects instead. Mortis Ghost has also said in the past that people are welcome to play fast and loose with lore, and that’s what I was doing before I was ever introduced to the clone discussion. It’s easier for me to ignore that newer addition than to overhaul my original ideas, so that’s what I’m doing. I have no issue with people who decide to use that lore for their own works, but it doesn’t apply to mine.

With that being said, what’s MY lore for Elsen? For me, Elsens as we see them in-game are the result of 3 things:

Human’s evolution after the “apocalypse”. Elsens are what Humans are in the far future, as the lingering effects of the apocalypse (cough cough radiation) changed the very essence of what Humans are from the past.

Hugo’s influence as a “god” of this world. What we see is what Hugo specifically makes, so Elsens are the cartoony square-headed humanoids because that’s what we are made to perceive by Hugo.

The Batter’s/Protagonist’s perception. They all look the same because it is just easier for them to look the same. It is unnecessary for them to look any different than each other to the Batter, so we barely see any differences.

In my games, “Tiny Terror” and “Project GoldFinch”, the Elsen are more visually different than the original OFF’s because they are not filtered through the Batter’s practical lens. Non-important NPC Elsen are intended to have more variety, because they are supposed to be more individualized than what the Batter saw. Now I can’t say “everyone’s different” because I think I’d die if I had to make every NPC unique, but I’m trying to change up certain details so you’re not just talking to the same Elsen in a dress-shirt and tie.

“So, that’s how they look, but how are they made, if not cloning?” Glad you asked, I have a few explanations that usually (but not definitively) depend on which Zone they reside in!

The Zone’s Minimum Quota: Each Zone has an undefined number of Elsens that have to exist within it. There can always be more than the set number, and there usually is in any given Zone, but if a death of an Elsen would mean going under, then a fully adult Elsen will appear in another area once that death occurs. This new Elsen will have a basic knowledge of living, but will have to be taught to do specialized tasks. This is more common in Zone 3 than the other Zones, and it's the reason Enoch’s sugar industry has been sustained for so long.

Cloning (via the Big Elsen in the Room): YES OK I have a cloning piece of my lore too, but it’s not exactly what Mortis Ghost described, so I don’t count it as the same. This version of cloning is heavily inspired by tzalmavet’s idea of the Big Elsen. Sometimes normal-looking Elsens will grow and slough off of the Giant One (that I have dubbed Biggs for my story). Some of these Elsen are kept in the Room, but most are sent to the larger Zones. Unfortunately the ones that are sent away don’t survive for long outside of the Room because of genetic instability caused by leaving and the rapid mutations that results from it. All of the Elsen that come from Biggs are genetically the same despite any differing mutations, and consider themselves siblings. They can identify each other as such even if they are meeting for the first time.

Creations of the Guardians: Guardians can create Elsens if they choose to excerpt the massive amount of energy needed to make one. This was done mostly in the beginning of the Zones, before the Quota was established. It is very impractical to perform now that there are other easier ways Elsen can exist. The creation ritual requires “scaffolding” (usually made of plastic, metal, or meat), and a Guardian to infuse energy into it. The scaffolding + energy will create an Elsen with whatever features and knowledge the Guardian wishes to give them. Japhet was the Guardian who created Elsens using this method the most, which is why he considers the Elsen of Zone 2 his children (even if not all of the Elsen within the Zone are made by him anymore).

The Traditional Way: Elsens can just make other Elsens the same way Humans can make other Humans, though infertility rates are VERY high in most of the Zones. Zone 3 is pretty much completely infertile, it is very rare to see a child in Zone 1, and Zone 2 has the most children with enough to have a small school. Elsen babies grow and mature at the same rate as Humans do.

There are also miscellaneous "Special Cases". Some of my Elsens have unique origins separate from the ones I listed above, but I’d like to save the spoilers for my game to when it comes out, haha!

That's all for now, I hope you found my statement and lore explanation entertaining! I am excited to share more in the future.

[jadeshifting]

hi jade! question, how do i go about naming myself when scripting my dr? i still want my first name to be avery but i dont know if i should choose a last name or just go by avery. like i feel like i should have a last name !!

inserting personal aspects into my scripting is hard because i don’t want to be majorly different but also not exactly the same. and im worried if my dr isn’t specific enough or doesn’t have enough information it won’t turn out how i want 😓

it’s like you just sense when i wanna talk about things 🧘‍♀️ i spend SO much time thinking about this and i very, very carefully select my names in all my DR’s, i hope some of this helps:

— WHAT’S IN A NAME? ( choosing the perfect name for your DR self )

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

picking a name for your DR self might seem like a tiny detail in the grand cosmic scheme of hopping realities, but it’s actually kind of a big deal for you. it’s not just about what you’re called; it’s about who you are in that world. a name anchors you, makes you feel distinct, and helps you slide into your DR like you’ve been there your whole life (which you have.) but don’t stress—this isn’t some life-or-death decision. let’s dive into how to make this process fun, meaningful, and totally you

YOUR NAME, YOUR RULES … first things first: you don’t have to change your name. if you love the name you’ve got now, keep it. own it. your current name can absolutely exist across realities, no questions asked. but if you’re craving a little spice, you’ve got options. maybe you want to keep your first name the same but add a nickname that makes your DR self feel a little more a A nickname can add just enough flair to feel fresh, while still letting you hold onto your original vibe

( for example: in my Walking Dead reality, i got the nickname ‘Jade the Spade’ for wielding a shovel. people call me Spade sometimes. and in my Supernatural reality, lots of people call me ‘Bunny.’ no reason, other then that i like it )

SURNAME STORIES … most people are attached to their first names, so last names is where you’re probably gonna go full-on creative mode. your last name is a chance to add depth to your DR identity. it’s like an easter egg about your heritage, your family’s legacy, or even your role in your DR. maybe you choose something classic and elegant, or maybe you pick something that screams symbolism

your last name can also connect to your DR family. are you part of a noble house? a witchy bloodline? a small-town clan with a long, long legacy? choose a name that ties you to that world and makes you feel like you belong. It’s all about creating an identity and a past that feels real and lived-in, one and you can truly connect to and ground yourself in

NAMES AS BRIDGES … names are grounding. they’re one of the first things people associate with identity, so giving yourself a distinct name or nickname can make it easier to connect to your DR self. but let’s be clear: your name isn’t going to make or break your shifting success. your DR self is still you, whether you’re rocking your current name, a new one, or something as simple as “babe” because everyone there is obsessed with you (duh)

DON’T OVERTHINK IT … let’s get one thing straight: you could spend weeks debating the perfect DR name, but at the end of the day, it’s not that deep. your name is just one tiny piece of the puzzle, and it’s not going to keep you from shifting. stressing yourself out over it isn’t worth it. you can always change it later—or script that no one will even notice if you do. reality shifting isn’t that picky !!

pick a name that feels good in your gut, write it down, and keep it moving. and if you wake up in your DR and decide “nah, this actually doesn’t vibe,” you can tweak it on the fly. the multiverse is flexible like that :)

MAKE IT FUN … choosing a name should feel exciting, not stressful. play around with baby name websites, write out a list of cool surnames, or steal inspiration from your favorite books and movies. test out how it feels to hear someone call you by that name. imagine introducing yourself in your DR and see what clicks. and remember, you don’t need to justify your choice to anyone. if you want to call yourself “Starlight Moonbeam”, do it. If you want something subtle and low-key, that’s cool too. your DR name is yours

A FINAL WORD: YOUR NAME DOESN’T DEFINE YOU … here’s the bottom line: your name is just one thread in the tapestry of your DR self. it’s important, sure, but it’s not the whole story. whether you’re rocking a totally new identity or keeping it classic, what matters most is that you feel connected to the version of yourself you’re becoming aware of. so, pick a name that makes you smile and feels true to your vibe, but don’t sweat it too much—you’ve got bigger things to focus on, like actually becoming aware of your desired reality. and trust me, your DR self is going to be fucking cool no matter what name’s on your coffee cup

hope this helps avs! i have different surnames in all of my DRs based on the vibes, it’s such a fun part to me !! happy scripting & update me with what you pick :^) xoxo

[wheneclipsefalls]

Grovel - Part 4

Pairing: Adult Lo'ak x Fem Omatikaya Reader

Summary: How much more of this can you take?

Warnings: aged up characters, swearing, MDNI, sexual tension, lust, slight angst, mentions of death and blood, war trauma, past cheating, etc.

A/N: Honestly not super happy with how the sentences turned out but writing the actual content of this chapter was so much fun. I hope you enjoy:)

Grovel Masterlist

yawne: love/beloved

paskalin: honey (endearing)

kelku: home/hut

tiyawn: star/little star (endearing)

mawey: be calm

tewng: loincloth

The sun barely crested over the trees before you had set out of your kelku in search of the youngest Omatikaya prince. You had been afforded very little sleep even once in your own bed after spending the night with Lo’ak. Too many images of what had occurred in your drunken state last night had been painted in your mind and it had your stomach tied in knots. The worst part of this torture was the fact that you knew less about your drunken mishaps than anyone else.

 And Lo’ak….

Oh Lo’ak he didn’t even bother to fill you in on the details properly. 

So once you had tossed in your hammock for the thousandth time in the late morning you let out a groan, rushed to get ready for the day and went hunting for that smirking Sully. That lighting fire had only squandered for a moment when you looked over at the magical music device he had left with that note.

Although early in the morning, he was sure to be in the midst of some sort of morning Omatikaya politics or hunting party. You found him surrounded by a few males for an early breakfast around a fire. You were, however, surprised to find Neteyam already there and dressed. After his ‘activities’ with Talu last night you would have supposed he’d require further rest. 

Instead, it was him that nudged Lo’ak’s arm as you came into view, tilting his head in your direction to point you out. Blood still rushing at your ears and tail swatting back and forth like a whip, you stared the prince down.

“You.” One deadly point at him and then the next at the ground in front of you. Almost as if calling an animal to heel. The venom in your voice was enough to have the other males letting out teasing jeers and shoving at him.

Although swatting back at the other males for their jests and comments, Lo’ak’s expression remained soft and calm as he approached you obediently.

“Good morning, yawne.” 

Rolling onto the balls of your feet you peeked up over his right shoulder back at the group near the fire. Far too close for comfort. You’d suffered enough embarrassment already without another nosy party there to witness. So in one move you snatched his wrist and pulled the towering male deeper into the forest. 

Although surprised, Lo’ak didn’t lag behind for long. He allowed himself to be dragged until you’d chosen a suitable private location to lay into him. 

“Why do I get the feeling I’m in trouble?” The corner of his lips turned up even as he ticked his head to the side and observed your heated composure. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” You demanded, swatting at his arm. Lo’ak didn’t flinch. 

“You are going to have to be more specific than that, paskalin.”

“Decided to leave out some precious details last night, huh?” Your tail curved around your upper thigh, ears pointed and alert as you stared up at him. “You can quit this oblivious facade. Talu filled me in on everything.”

“Ah, I see.” He sighed, those dark brows raising as he rested his hands on his hips. “Well truthfully, yawne, I figured you wouldn’t want to talk about the kiss. I thought if you remembered you would insist on us pretending it never happened but if you want to dig into it then-”

“What?” You cut him off, eyes blown wide and heart already thumping at a new speed. “A kiss. Great Mother, what are you talking about?” You were certain this was just another game Lo’ak was playing with you but when your ire didn’t die down and his face dropped slightly, that theory began to look less promising. 

“Oh, so she didn’t tell you everything then.” His ears tucked back, but there was intrigue still dancing in his eyes. It always sparkled beneath those dark lashes when his attention landed on you. It gave the feeling of being put under those microscopes they used at the human outpost. The undeniable heat of his studying gaze. 

“I am not in the mood for jokes, Lo’ak.” You ground out. 

“Really? But you’ve been so pleasant this morning-”

“Shut up.” Hardly the comeback you were looking for but despite the sharp sting to your words, Lo’ak only struggled harder not to grin back at you. You were ready to tear his eyes out, or maybe your own depending on the validity of his claim, and yet all he could do was joke at a time like this. “You should have told me everything last night.” 

Lo’ak’s half grin slowly lowered into a thoughtful pout. You veered your attention away from those plump lips, afraid of the way your imagination was already piecing together what this supposed kiss would have looked like. 

“You’re right, yawne, as usual. I only thought you were already a bit embarrassed so I didn’t believe adding the kiss to the list would help matters.” 

“Embarrassed? What by the stars above do I have to be embarrassed of?” A lot. Oh so much that you had to spend half of your energy just pushing away the leering weight of thinking about what drunken acts you had gotten up to. 

“Nothing at all.” His hands raised in surrender before reaching back to take down his tied hair. “Attraction is a perfectly natural feeling and so is acting upon it.” Lo’ak casually drawled, skilled fingers now working to gather his hair into a low bun at the back of his head. 

“Attraction?!” It came out as almost a squawk, voice cracking in the midst. “Attraction to what? To you?”

Your tone did little to ruffle his feathers as he finished securing his hair and nodded calmly. “Like I said, natural.” 

“I am not attracted to you!” Heat rose beneath your skin, cheeks sure to already be inflamed into a deep blush. You prayed that Lo’ak would read that purplish hue as evidence of the rage you felt instead of this ‘embarrassment’ he claimed to know so much about. 

“I’m not asking you to admit it.” Those signature beads dangled as he casually leaned against the nearest tree. 

“Well good because there is nothing to admit.” You fired back, hands balling into fists. 

“Alright.” 

“Good.”

“Good.” He echoed back. Lo’ak pushed off the tree before striding past you. The perfect opportunity to escape and yet you couldn’t stop yourself from trailing after him.

“I’m being serious.” You insisted, frown deepening when you heard a deep chuckle emanate from his chest. 

“I wouldn’t expect otherwise from you, paskalin.” 

Your heated glare sought to burn a hole into the back of his head but keeping up with Lo’ak’s natural pace was a struggle that made your intimidation efforts that much less effective as one of his strides equaled about three of yours. It felt like hobbling after the taller male instead of the hunt you were aiming for. 

“But you don’t believe me.” 

Lo’ak twirled on his heel suddenly. Your skid to a stop was anything but graceful as you almost crashed straight into his chest. Four fingered hands went to steady you, but you pushed them away. However, with crossed arms you refused to retreat out of his space, determined to establish some sort of dominance in this conversation that has taken such a turn. 

“Why do you care so much if I believe you?” He mimicked your posture, crossed arms showing off the veins that traveled up that swirling blue skin into pronounced biceps. 

“Because…” You sputtered for some sort of reasonable explanation, but he had brought up a point. He was right, there was no logical reason for you to care about his opinion. So what if he had a big head about it, most days you just wanted him to leave you alone. “Because you’re wrong.” 

“Am I?”

“Yes!”

“Last night you told me I smelled good seven different times.” A lump formed in your throat, eyes desperately wanting to look anywhere else but him. 

“And you counted it.” You shot back, fighting the urge to shift your weight from foot to foot. 

“You’re right I did.” Came his immediate reply and somehow his instant acceptance of your accusation was that much more infuriating. “But that’s the difference between me and you, paskalin.”

He took one stride forward, but it was enough to close the last piece of distance between you two. “I’m not afraid to admit that I want you. Neither am I afraid to admit that I enjoyed the way you played with my hair. I savored every moment that you willingly sat there on my lap and when you suddenly leaned in to seal the night with a kiss, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing back.” Lo’ak didn’t touch you, he knew better than that, but with his shadow falling over your smaller form and purred words dripping from his lips it may as well have been as strong as skin up skin. 

“And yet you have the nerve to say you didn’t take advantage of me.”

“It was one kiss. I pulled away the second you did. And when your sister said it was time to turn in for the night I had every intention of walking you home myself and leaving you alone. But you had other plans. And yawne, I’m trying my best to behave for you but I’m also a male. A male that can barely breathe when I’m around your sweet scent so when the woman of my dreams is clinging to my arm and sweetly asking to stay in my kelku where she feels more safe, I tuck her into my hammock without complaint.” 

Every muscle in your body seemed to lock up, accurately aware of the last few inches between your chest and his stomach. Even more so strung up by the shameless confession falling from those perfect lips. 

“Is that the truth you were looking for?” He asked, one brow arching. 

A long pause hung between you before your motor functions returned back online. “I never said I want you.”

“Your scent does the talking for you.” 

Your right hand balled up into a fist again, almost tempted to deliver a right hand hook that ironically Lo’ak himself had taught you as children, but then you felt the dampness between your legs. You were appalled to find that even in your anger, your body had fallen prey to the weight of his words and presence. Even Lo’ak’s own essence that now surrounded you like a warm cloak. 

“You ignorant ass!” The insult was accompanied by one push to his chest that had him stepping back immediately. You were sprinting in the other direction before he could get in another word. 

Lo’ak supposed he had no right to be surprised when you were unreachable for the rest of the day. Perhaps it was not his place to push you earlier but he also couldn’t find it in himself to keep from being anything but honest when it came to you. He knew better than to believe that one night in his kelku and a gift or two would win back your trust. The long game was a road paved by immense patience. A trait that was not his favorite to exhibit. 

However, patient or not, you deserved to know the depth of his feelings. You may not have been willing to accept them yet, but that wouldn’t stop him from expressing them all the same. Bottling it up only made his tossing and turning at night all that much worse. Especially now that your scent lingered in his kelku. It was a new form of delicious torture to press his nose into the blanket that was still drenched in your natural perfume.  

Neteyam encouraged him to continue being diligent and patient, perhaps the only piece of advice that kept him from searching for you when he found your kelku empty upon dropping off your dinner. Perhaps he had a point, even if he were to find you it was obvious that the only thing he could expect from your company was snide comments and harsh glares. And yet, Lo’ak couldn’t help but feel a craving even for that. 

So when plans changed the following day and Lo’ak was invited to cliff jump with a group you were meant to be present with, he couldn’t jump fast enough at the opportunity. A storm was meant to be rolling in a few days earlier than anticipated so it was the last opportunity they would have for a while to dive safely. Meaning that some projects were set to the side temporarily. 

He should have known better than to expect you with the group of friends the next morning. Neteyam, Talu, and even Kiri present but not you. When asked about your absence Talu had simply rolled her eyes and claimed she had done everything in her power to get you out of the house for some fun. To play hooky just this once. 

And immediately Lo’ak knew where to find you. Ignoring the protests at his bowing out, Lo’ak gave a quick wave goodbye and bounded through the forest towards his destination. 

And for once, you weren’t difficult to track down. 

Norm had asked for a group to start dismantling one of the last surviving air crafts left behind by the RDA. He wanted to get it foraged for any remaining supplies that could be of use, however, the vehicle was left in a precarious condition. Hanging high in the trees above, it looked more like a crushed tin can than the death machine he knew it was during the heat of battle. Pulling it apart to even examine for anything salvageable would take a whole group of Na’vi an afternoon. 

And yet, there you were. Alone and cursing under your breath as you tugged at the crushed side door with all your might. Lo’ak stifled a chuckle when he saw the position you were in, legs wrapped around a higher tree branch so that you could swing upside down and try to access the left side of the aircraft. 

That threatening laughter subsided into a different feeling when he caught a glimpse of the way your beaded top barley clung to your chest in this upside down position. Only a few beads hanging loosely to cover your perked nipples. 

Gulping down the lump in his throat, Lo’ak fought the urge to adjust himself in his loincloth. No doubt, you wouldn’t take kindly to his presence in the first place, let alone any evidence of his sudden arousal. 

“I knew I’d find you here.” He called from below. 

He was caught between guilt and amusement when his sudden comment had you losing grip on the branch with a surprised squeak and sliding across the top of the aircraft. His smile dropped when you peeked up from the other side of the machine and leveled him with a fiery glare. 

“Aren’t you meant to be jumping off a cliff, dumb ass?” He heard your voice echo from above as he made quick work of scaling up the tall tree. The moment his head peeked up over the last branch, small hands scrambled to push at his own. “Go back! I don’t want you here.” 

Your feeble attempts to push him off were borderline adorable as he easily lifted himself up over the last hurdle and sat back on his haunches beside you. 

“You might have a hard time cracking this thing open on your own.” 

A muscle in your jaw ticked, tempting him to run the pad of his finger along your delicate features. God, even when you looked ready to beat him off with a stick you were nothing short of exceptional. 

“Not that it will stop you.” He added.

“What makes you so sure?” You challenged, rising to your feet swiftly to climb back to the other side of the aircraft. Lo’ak followed, as if drug by an invisible cord tying himself to you. 

“Because I know you.”

The comment earned him a scoff, your tail snapping back at him when his hovering got too close. 

“You knew me as a kid, Lo’ak. I’ve grown.” 

“Undoubtedly.” A few brisk strides spun him in front of you to block the path. “Grown more capable. Grown more independent.” Lo’ak paused, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “More beautiful.” He whispered. 

“Grown less gullible.” You shot back, causing him to stumble as you pushed at his shoulders to get him out of the way. He watched you pass, resisting the urge to keep himself within your bubble. Distance may make the heart grow fonder but no one told him that distance from you would drive him into madness. 

“Still just as stubborn as ever.” 

You resumed your position on the other side of the aircraft, this time ignoring the taller shadow that followed your every step. With precarious footing you were able to grip the edges of the crushed door but could only apply a small amount of force without losing your balance. 

“Yes yes I know, Lo’ak. I’m a stick in the mud. Don’t know when to quit and run off for fun and games with the others. I believe Talu has already beat you to the punch on this lecture. I’m not interested in a repeat. Not all of us can be a social butterfly like you.” 

For a moment Lo’ak was caught in the whiplash of your self deprecating misunderstanding and a comment towards him that seemed to almost be a complement. But then your left foot was slipping and his body was reacting before his mind could catch up. One rushed leap heaved himself into your space, one hand gripping the rack atop the roof of the aircraft while his other arm slunk around your waist to pull you back into place. 

Your smaller hands threatened to break his focus as they willingly clung to his broad shoulders for support. 

“You are nothing like me, tiyawn.” Those oh so kissable soft lips turn down into almost a pout. “And that’s what I love about you.” 

Ear tucked back against your luscious hair and tail curling around your own ankle, the surprise at his comment gave him enough time to gently lift your body to tuck against his with one arm before carefully dispositing you to a safe perch on his left. Thoughts formed more clearly without your mouth watering essence creating a fog around them. 

And yet, even staring at those beautiful golden eyes that were now relaxed from your usual glare, shot in his direction was too much to handle if he had any hope of expressing himself with more than one syllable responses. By Eywa, why did the Great Mother create such an exquisite creature to torture him with?

He turned, setting himself into a different foothold that allowed him to slowly start peeling back the thin crushed metal. Every muscle tensed as he forced it back inch by inch but the harder fight was keeping his lips from turning up into a crooked grin when he felt your intent gaze burning through him. A new spice nipped at your signature scent. Just a whiff of your arousal was enough to feel a renewed hardness between his own legs. 

“You may not be some exuberant social butterfly. You may not run after danger and adventure at a rate only skxawngs like me can manage.” The metal pulled back another inch, the sounding screech almost covering up your short mixture of a laugh forced into a scoff. “But I could never be you, yawne.” He paused, daring to meet your eyes. 

“So brave. So resilient. I’ve heard the stories.” The endless hours you had spent in the healers tent as wave after wave of mauled Na’vi came through those doors. There was not an ounce of him that could even feign surprise when he heard it was you that had spent the longest cleaning and stitching wounds, rebreaking bones back into position, sometimes even scrambling to rush that tent down the stream an extra mile as the bombs rained closer. 

“I think you have me confused with someone else. Perhaps one of your other girlfriends that in fact stormed into battle with a weapon in hand. I am no brave warrior.” 

Lo’ak’s eyebrows scrunched. He couldn’t find it within himself to even care for the brief snide in your comment when faced with your wavering confidence on display. You were never one to hide your emotions well, despite what you would like to believe. The mask you wore was always cracked, leaving him a sliver to peek into what plagues your mind. 

“You fought just as hard as them. Simply in a different way.” 

“Lo’ak there is no need to shower me with flattery. I know that I stayed on the sidelines while they faced death. I am no fighter. I was never meant to be and I accept that.” 

Something seized in his chest, pushing his body into motion until he was back into your space, eyes bearing down at you with an intensity he hoped would burn through your stubborn defenses. 

“No one faced death the way you did, yawne. The others may have gone into the heat of battle knowing the potential consequences of doing so but you were among those that dealt with those worst case consequences day in and day out. You had a front row seat to loss and turmoil. Men and women’s lives hanging in the balance, that decision sometimes being made by the rush of your own hands. There is nothing about it that remotely resembles sitting on the sidelines and I don’t know what how you fucking did it.” His lungs seized for air. “I’ve had more than my fair share of war, but I could never imagine plucking up the courage to face that terror.” 

It was only after the spill of words that Lo’ak could recognize the way his blood raced. The heat that now had his tail flashing with an adrenaline that he could almost attribute to furry. Looking down at your flushed expression, lips parted and momentary disbelief at his sudden confession, he couldn’t blame himself either for harboring that anger. 

How could you not see what he did? Surely after all that you’ve endured, you should be the one spitting this speech confidentiality back at him. Telling him off for even attempting to court such a fearless goddess as yourself, and you would be right. And yet, all you could do is stare back at him with a wide eyed expression and the wheels in your head turning to keep up. 

“I’m sorry.” That timid whisper broke the silence and it was only then that Lo’ak had the sense to release his clenched jaw. You weren’t apologizing for thinking such things but rather for getting him so riled up and that had him drawing back within an instant. 

“No I…” He gaped for the right words, bottom lip tucking between his sharp teeth. “I simply…” He paused, brows pulled together as you looked up at him with curious eyes. “I wish you could understand all the pieces that make you so magnetic, yawne. I have never met someone who cares as much as you. Utterly devoted to the people, offering your whole self to a cause without a second thought. You’re not a stick in the mud, tiyawn. You’re a rare gem.”

It was not his intention to render you speechless but Lo’ak couldn’t claim to be against the view it gave. The tense scrunch of your features relaxed until those beautiful eyes were peering up at him with the sparkle of a rushing river beneath sunlight. A certain softness fell over your countenance, one that was made even more breathtaking when a pink glow blossomed over your cheeks. 

The trance you had fallen over could only last so long before you were muttering about getting back to work and sheepishly dipping past his shoulder. His lips parted for a just moment in search of digging into what change he had just witnessed but he quickly stopped himself. Lo’ak knew when it was best not to push his luck. You allowing him to stay and work was already more than he would have guessed to receive a few minutes prior, so he took that miracle in stride. 

However, there was nothing to sate the side of him that sparked with curiosity and desire when it came to you. He jabbered on about anything and everything he could think of just to shoot at a chance you would have something to say in response. For a while it seemed that nothing could steal your attention away from the task it was pinpointed on, that is until a sudden burst of frustration had you slamming your fist against the curved metal and cutting off Lo’ak’s current Metkayina story. 

“Stupid sky demon technology.” You muttered with a dark glint, trying once again to claw at the metal edge and pull back with all your might. 

The majority of your joint efforts to dismantle the aircraft had come from Lo’ak’s own hands. Meanwhile you had stubbornly continued to struggle at pulling back even the slightest slab of metal. You were being too hard on yourself. His hands were not only larger and protected by the rough calluses he had gained handling weaponry and scavenging around hard ocean rock, but he also had the prior knowledge of sky people weapons manufacturing on his side. He knew which areas were weak points that he could exploit and which pieces were unlikely to budge without better tools. 

Your hands were soft and nimble, perfectly designed for climbing trees and stitching up wounds. Designed perfectly for so many wondrous things that had him staying up at night and fighting the tent in his loincloth. 

Shaking the rotting thoughts from his head, Lo’ak cautiously shifted forward to gently pry your hands from the sharp edge of metal. One more tug and it was sure to draw blood. 

“Mawey, we will get it eventually-”

“There is no time for eventually!” You shot back. The soft tuff of your tail whipped at his cheek when you abruptly spun on your axis to walk past him. A shiver raced all the way down to the tip of his own tail. “It is supposed to be finished today. I do not have another day to spare. With the healer’s tent still half broken and so many injured still waiting on a new batch of medicine…I…I can’t…” The sentences broke into choppy waves as your jaw clenched and tail snapped frantically in the wind. 

He sensed the best thing he could do was silently wait as you spouted out your stresses into a jumbled mess. 

“There is still so much left to fix!” And although you didn’t specify he knew you were no longer just talking about the crumpled aircraft you had yet to dismantle. The war had left a mark on the village not only emotionally but physically as well. Homes were being rebuilt, roles restructured with so many gaps left from those now in the arms of Eywa forever. The list could trail on forever. Knowing you, there was undoubtedly already a list stamped at the forefront of your mind to adhere to. 

But the village would be rebuilt.

The People would heal, they already were. 

It was the emotional scars you harbored that stung under such uncertain times. The same sting that had you wound into a tight coil. 

“I just…I can’t…” You let that thought drop with a huff, small hands now pressed over your heated face. 

Wind whistled through the trees, blanketing the prolonged moment of silence. 

“Do you know what the issue is?” Lo’ak carefully leaned back against the metal side. The look that you sent through parted fingers told him there was not a universe where you would ever be interested in what he thought the issue was. Regardless, he took that lack of response as an opportunity to continue. “You are too tense.” 

You scoffed, arms dropping to cross over your chest. 

“Everyone needs a break, yawne.” The heat in your eyes tried and failed to scorch him as he glided forward across the branch. “And you,” His bent knuckle tucked under your chin. “You more than anyone, need a release.” 

That double meaning did not bode well with you. His hand was slapped away just as the pink darkened across your cheeks. 

“Let me guess, this is your charming way of offering such services?” 

“What services do you mean, paskalin?” Lo’ak couldn’t keep the comment from his lips if he tried. Yet seeing your reaction, he couldn’t fathom why he would want to. Pointed ears on alert and a burning fire in your expression that was all the more lovely than the stressed tension you had worn moments prior. He meant what he said about your responsible nature being admirable, but it was obvious that a little fun could do you a lot of good. “Any service you require. I’m always happy to help you release that tension.” 

Swiftly you ducked under his arm and skated past him. 

“Handing out offers like that so freely, surely I would need to schedule an appointment several moon cycles in advance. I think I will pass.” 

It’s meant to be another stab at his younger reputation as a womanizer, but Lo’ak couldn’t help but revel in the jealousy that dripped from your voice. Subtle yet oh so sweet. 

“No need for jealousy, tiyawn. The offer is yours alone.” He carefully crafted his path to let your arms brush as he passed by. You must have felt the surge of electricity too as you halted in place and faced the male now towering in front of you. “Everyone knows that I belong to you.”

A hitch of breath so subtle that his ears had to strain to hear it, but present all the same. 

“I am at your disposal.”

He was taunting you. 

Or well…he had been since the beginning you supposed, but somehow now it seemed to actually have a physical effect on you. 

He had offered to provide a release from your stresses, not the first time either, yet now that idea was persistent in bouncing around your head constantly.  It roused a heat to your cheeks and between your thighs at the most inconvenient of times. You had found Lo’ak attractive upon the first time seeing him back from Awa’atlu, begrudgingly albeit, but now that the idea of not only looking but touching such an exquisite form had been planted, there was no escaping your body's reaction. 

There were a plethora of reasons you could have been feeling this way and you were eagerly holding on to every single excuse you could think of. You repeated that list in your mind over and over when you lay awake at night in your hammock, pulse rushing and temple sweaty after having experienced yet another erotic dream where Lo’ak had inserted himself as the leading star. 

It was the stress. It was never his place to point out but Lo’ak was right in assuming that there was far too much tension and anxiety riddling your every day routine. It felt as if there was always something being put on your plate. Even when there wasn’t you were sure to find another task to busy yourself with that felt like the most pressing matter possible. So when you tossed and turned at night, there was no easing the coiled muscles that made your shoulders rise up to your ears. A list of responsibilities were constantly on your mind, to the point where you even found yourself grateful for the consistent meals that Lo’ak left at your doorstep. Eywa, knows you would have nearly starved without it.

Even further, there was a new development in your home. That development was named Neteyam. Neteyam who was eager to fill his days with Talu’s company and even more than eager to show his appreciation of giving her time in a very…physical manner. She spent half the nights in his own kelku but your older sister still insisted on coming home frequently to keep you company, at least make it feel like she still lived there. 

However, part of you wished she would simply move into the Sully male’s kelku just so you wouldn’t have to hear their very prolonged goodbyes that consisted of far too much tongue and far too little clothing. You could never mistake Neteyam’s taller shadow casted on the privacy curtains as they attempted to sneak inside together. As two individuals that claimed to be accomplished warriors, there was no way they could truly believe this lack of stealth to mask their rendezvous from you. Or perhaps, much like his younger brother, Neteyam did not care to be modest in his sexual activities, wearing it as a trophy like the cocky bastard he was. 

So there you had been left, splitting your nights between dreaming of Lo’ak in your bed, running through the constant checklist of responsibilities, and hearing the damning evidence of Neteyam bringing your sister to a higher bliss over and over. 

All things considered, anyone else in your position would have crumbled by now. So what if your primal nature had come out to the surface under the recent pressures? A little arousal was normal for someone your age and by no means going to be the thing that crushed your logic to dust. 

Avoiding Lo’ak had become a normal part of your routine and it had seemed like the most reasonable course to combat these feelings. On your particularly sharp days you managed to go without a glimpse of his face until dinner and even then it was from afar. You figured without any new content to fuel these dreams they would surely putter out and you would be left to focus on more important matters. 

That had not been the case.

Perhaps one of the more foolish decisions you had made because it seemed the longer you spent away from Lo’ak the more instant your body’s reaction would be at the next glimpse of him. Your craving for him only grew as you denied yourself of his presence. Even the short peeks at his smile as he sat around the fire with friends had been enough to feel saliva pooling along your tongue. 

And then there was that first night you had truly seen him dance. With such a long war season having come to a close, impromptu celebrations around the dinner fire had become almost routine. Jake Sully’s youngest son was the furthest from sheepish when it came to starting the vibrant dancing. He jumped at the opportunity, teaching those around him the dances he had learned from the Metkayina. 

And you had to admit…you were a secret fan of the sea people’s version of dancing. The men moved with such force. It provoked a sense of weight in their presence while simultaneously showcasing an admirable flow of grace. The muscle of his thighs were pronounced with every bend and stomp. Those dark tattoos rolled like waves as Lo’ak swished his hips in time with heavy drums. You wanted to run your tongue over every inch of that dark ink. Perhaps see how far those lines traveled beneath his loincloth. 

Feeling utterly mortified by your own silent lust you had tried to draw away from the dancing as soon as you were broken out of trance. Of course, you had not always been successful. More than once, golden eyes had caught your own followed by a four fingered hand reaching out in invitation. 

Never before had your natural desires taken such hold on your everyday life. There had been crushes and even lust before but this felt constant. And watching Lo’ak moving his body with the confidence and charisma you could only dream of having every night, it felt like a personal attack. Every quirk of his lips into a smirk felt directed at you in a display of the conquest he anticipated. 

So your patience had been a little more fried at the start of the next diving lesson. You had hardly heard any of Neteyam or Lo’ak’s directions to the crowd at the beginning of the lesson, too busy staring off into the trees and keeping your teeth from grinding together. 

“Neteyam says you have to slow your heartbeat.” Talu reminded you the next time your head had rushed up from under the water prematurely. Her soft hand gently placed over your chest but her sympathetic smile had only been met with your narrowed eyes and downturned lips. 

“Of course he did.” 

Your voice strained to keep the sarcasm from bleeding in too heavily. It didn’t matter anyways, not when she was already making heart eyes at the future Olo’eyktan from across the way. He took one step in your general direction and you knew then that now was time to escape the barely concealed love fest that was about to take place. 

Ducking beneath the water again you swam in the opposite direction until your lungs were scorched with the need to breathe. Over and over you had tried the exercise only to come up faster each time. 

The lack of sleep was catching up with you, enough to have you stumbling across the slippery rocks and naturally falling into Lo’ak’s arms. Rough hands steadied you back into a standing position, his tail just barely missing a brush of your thigh. He said something, most likely checking to make sure you were alright, but none of it registered. All you could feel was the heat of his skin and that natural musky scent that somehow wafted even stronger when he was soaking wet. 

Your eyes snagged his own for only a second before you were diving back into the cold water. At least beneath the surface you were able to block out the sounds and scents of the day that were too much for you to handle. If only oxygen were not an essential. Then you could stay down here forever. A perfect sanctuary to collect your thoughts. 

The next time you sprung up from the depths you allowed yourself a moment of respite. Heart pounding and lungs seizing you couldn’t imagine holding your breath again. However, without that distraction your eyes naturally wandered to where Lo’ak instructed a Na’vi male from the other side of the small lake. Water dripped from his braids and created a dancing trail down the curve of his spine. 

So much for staying away. It seems that no matter what you did, Lo’ak was there to throw your day off course. Even when he wasn’t there he haunted your dreams. You mentally cursed whatever spell he has managed to put you under. Perhaps dark magic existed after all. 

If only you could have a break, just one moment where you were able to breathe.

A release.

That’s what Lo’ak had said. His head would grow until it exploded if you ever told him he was right, but the fact still remained, you needed relief. And you needed it now. 

Lo’ak was hardly subtle in the way he peeked back at you from the corner of his eye. His ears remained standing tall atop his head and while one could claim it was to listen for possible drowning Na’vi in need, you knew that his senses were attuned only to you. And that thought…

That thought alone made something burn within you. A certain excitement blossomed as your instincts were fueled by the idea of being wanted. So many nights you had spent alone in your hammock while listening to Neteyama and Talu wrestle and giggle next door. So many dreams you had woken up from only to find yourself missing a touch that never existed. 

But here was a male in his prime and he wanted you.

And, by the stars above, you couldn’t help but secretly admit that you wanted him too. 

Why not let him sate your desires? After all, was he not the one that put you into this hazy state? Dash logic to the side and forget the consequences that would come later, it was your turn to escape the pressure around you and get lost in the strong arms of a Sully male. 

Lo’ak spotted you before the water line had even lowered down to your hips. A part of you felt bad when all it took was one look his way and he was already neglecting the student in front of him.

Everyone knows I belong to you

 You briefly heard him jumble together some messy instructions and an excuse before water was sloshing behind you. He at least had the decency to wait a few moments after you had exited the lake before trailing after.

Adrenaline pulsed through you with every step, drowning out the voice of caution long enough for you to round the corner and enter a secluded cave. It raged even higher when you heard smooth footsteps falling closer. 

So when Lo’ak finally rounded the corner himself and you got another glimpse of those charming, yet currently confused, features, something inside of you snapped.

“Are you alri-” 

His question melted against your lips into that sudden kiss. Although initially he let out a small sound of surprise, Lo’ak dove back into the kiss the moment his brain had caught up with what was happening. 

This kiss was nothing like the sweet ones the two of you had shared as children. This was ravenous - addicting. And this time, it was you that now pushed the tension between you from taunt to absolutely filthy territory. 

His lips were softer than you remembered, but created a beautiful contrast to the sharp fangs that threatened to tear into your bottom lip. When Lo’ak nipped at the flesh there in silent question you wasted no time in sliding your tongue past his plush lips. 

Lo’ak tasted of the night breeze and the smoke from communal fires at dinner. Every inhale that you could spare between the battle of your lips and tongue was infused with his unique essence. Night’s whisper that could chill your bones during a summer day. 

It had you fingers tangling quickly into his braids, his own hands gripping at your hips in response. And when you suddenly shoved him back against the cave wall, he submitted to your small show of strength without question. In fact, a delighted grin spread to reveal those white teeth and an animalistic glint in his eye. 

Whatever bug you had caught from him, lighting your primal desires with no bounds, it seemed he had caught it too. Nothing but pure hunger and desperation in his countenance, all signs of surprise or concern washed away by the cave’s shadows. 

He burned for you just as much as you did him. And a part of you, perhaps a selfish part at that, yearned to see if he was suffering even more than you have been. 

So when you dove back in to reconnect your lips with ferver, your right hand caught his left wrist before it could land back on your waist. Pushing your body flush against his, you could feel the ripple of tension across his abdomen and shoulders, but he showed no signs of rebellion when you pressed his hand back against the cave wall. 

His right hand mirrored the placement on the other side of him, nails digging into the rock. 

In no universe would you have a chance of overpowering him physically. Neither did your actions exhibit much true force in the first place, but Lo’ak allowed you to wrestle him into your desired position. 

Everybody knows I belong to you.

I belong to you.

He had every chance to spin the situation to his advantage, to finally take what he claimed to have been craving for years. But instead, it was you that got to take. Everything he had offered for you on a silver platter. 

You hadn’t meant for it to be a test, but regardless he had passed with flying colors. His patience was rewarded when you dragged his left hand back to your hips and released it to explore. You had some exploring of your own to do, lips brushing down the column of his throat while finally running your knuckles over the dark lines of his tattooed sides. 

The contrast of his calloused hands mapping out your soft skin was maddening. It had been a long time since someone had touched you in this way but you hadn’t realized how desperate you had become for a foreign touch. Or more specifically, for his touch. So confident and smooth yet voracious when he sought to leave the imprint of his fingertips along your hips and waist.  

“Fuck yawne.” His voice was wrapped with a gravelly timbre. One that traveled straight to your core. 

Such deliciously sweet torment he suffered as you bit harshly over his pulse, but Lo’ak blossomed like a flower beneath it. You could feel the way it took everything within him to not pin you to the ground and take what his body has been begging for. It was almost a more mouth watering display of strength to watch him contain his natural brawn with the veins in his arms popping, than experience the ease at which he could manhandle you. 

Leaving marks along his throat was not enough anymore. It seemed this game was creating a specific suffering for you as well, the rush of your own arousal becoming borderline painful to endure. He was eager when you tugged him down for another kiss. His knees bent slightly and back curved in order to accommodate the vast height difference. 

If you decided to, would he let you push him down onto his knees. A mighty warrior of both land and sea gazing up at you from a place between your thighs. His tongue only a few inches away from where you wanted it most.

The thought had your head spinning and nails digging into his shoulder blades. Lo’ak welcomed every increase of passion with just as much enthusiasm to reciprocate. However, you needed him closer. Needed to intertwine your bodies until there was no telling where you ended and he began. 

Without pulling away from the kiss you steadied your hands on his shoulders and bent your knees to jump. He took the silent cue in stride, managing to capture your waist in his hands just before you leaped. 

You felt as light as a feather being carried by the wind as he slowly lowered your body to slide along his chest and stomach until your legs could slink around his trimmed waist. There was no rush in the action, because for him there wasn’t any physical strain either. 

He dared to push his luck just an inch further. Four fingered hands smoothed down the curve of your spine before settling at the beginning of your backside’s curve. Permission was given in the form of your tongue swirling around his devilishly. And the Omatikaya warrior did not need to be told twice before he was sinking them down further and gripping a cheek in each hand. 

Your smaller hands gripped like claws in his ebony braids. And when you tugged back on them without warning, breaking the kiss, a wide grin spread over his features, accompanied by a husky laugh. Lo’ak Sully was not simply tolerating your devious attitude. He was fanning the flames to your fire, reveling in that rising heat. 

And heat there was. You could feel your arousal gathering in your tewng like molten lava. Surely he too could feel it seep through the fabric as your core was pressed against his pelvis. It seemed his patience could only go so far, as he used the grip on your ass to rock you down further to where a bulge had formed in his own tewng. 

It felt as if the sparks of a shooting star had rippled between you too. And you were drunk on it. Drunk on him. 

As he released another groan into your mouth, you knew that you would never be able to get enough of Lo’ak Sully. 

“Bro you can’t run off in the middle of a- oh sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Neteyam was turning on his heel before he had properly even entered the cave. He shuffled back out the way he came, but not before sending one last peak over his shoulder. 

Your gaze remained frozen to the space it had snapped to upon being interrupted. Neteyam was gone, but that didn’t change the fact that he saw you grinding against his brother while sticking your tongue down his throat. 

“Just ignore him.” Lo’ak pleaded between the open mouthed kisses he laid over your jaw. 

He groaned for a less pleasant reason this time when you wiggled out of his arms. Both of your labored breathing filled the cave as he waited for your next move. His eyes shined with hope even as his lips were on the verge of turning downwards. 

A similar feeling of disappointment had settled in your gut just as quickly. Regardless, there was no telling what you would do if you stayed one more second locked in this heated moment with him. 

And so with red hot cheeks and a stumble to your step, you sprinted to safety. 

Please comment, reblog, or send an ask with your thoughts. It does so much for my motivation<3

Taglist: @hauntingvenus @yawnetu @baybaybear1 @affinity101022 @tsireyasluvr @dayyzlol @puddle-nerd @hazelwebsterboo2 @acerbicmoon @aesteticxsariana @pandoraslxna @faintfill @neteyamssyulang @justcaptiannoodles @loran-ako @chaoticfaelle @yumimak @duckhierarchy @rivatar @eddiesbabygurl

[iwannadrawsadcups]

as much as i like the twin hc, mugman is canonically the younger brother lol

silly ramble about the comics under the cut

while in the main game who's the youngest and who's the oldest isn't mentioned at all [because it doesn't really matter] both in the comics and art book from the game they confirm mugman is the youngest [there's the novels and the show, but i haven't finished those yet so i'm not sure if that subject ever comes up], and the comics specially paint such a beautiful picture of the brothers relationship

my favorite comic from the books was one where Mugman wildly misinterprets how growing plants work, and when corrected he gets embarrassed and runs away crying. Cuphead, instead of making fun of him, tells elder kettle and chalice how sad it makes him to see his little brother like that, so over night he helps Mugman's plant to grow full size in just a few hours

and that it's just so sweet. Cuphead is in the comics, although a bit selfish and irresponsible [he is a kid, so, understandable], VERY nice to his lil brother. And yes they fight sometimes but there's a very clear dynamic at play there, one very different to the one they have in the show

i like the show a lot, but they portray the brothers as- twins? i guess? [or at least they have a very small age difference, like 1 year or so, while the comics i'd say there's a 2, almost 3 year diffence] and i like how they're more even now, Cuphead doesn't see him as his baby brother so he's meaner, and Mugman has a lot more control now, sometimes bossing around Cuphead. And as a result, the show is funnier of course, it's fun to see how the one in control of the situation changes from episode to episode, but i still sort of miss this specific portrayal of siblings

GIVE ME MORE COMICS GRRRRRR i'm even considering buying the "step into reading" books to get more content

[fairestwriting]

Hey hey! First off, I love your writing. It’s really fun and silly and skrunkly, which is also why I wanted to send in a request!

I wanted to ask for an Idia x reader comfort type thing? For context, a game I love is currently doing a rerun banner for a costume I really really want. I saved for a year to try and get it because I failed last time and, low and behold, I didn’t get it now either

I do still have time before the banner’s over but it’s just kinda disheartening after I tried to save for so long and still didn’t get the costume (especially cause I’m f2p)

The actually scenario doesn’t have to be this specific but I feel like, if anyone were to understand my plight, it would be Idia

Hope you’re doing well :))

thank you sm :'3 i realized only when i was done with this that it shouldve been a scenario/fic type post... that ones gonna be in the works for tomorrow cause i was doing another hc/scenario hybrid before i got to this one oops .

also i understand you so deeply im also f2p in everything i play and not getting your special little guy or the costume for them is. SO much more painful than it has the right to be what the hell 😭

Idia Shroud

He's definitely been in your shoes, maybe even recently. He does spend on his favorite gachas every now and then, but with the amount of games he plays and the speed at which banners come out, he can't just sink all his money into gacha currency. Besides gacha, there's also new game releases and DLCs after all! And it feels better if you actually earn your win, too.

It goes without saying that he's going to be hyping you up before your pulls, whether through messages or live, and that you'll be exchanging screenshots with each other too, so he knew how much you were looking forward for this one banner. He's made it known he's your biggest supporter.

Even if it's not something he also plays, he feels the loss when you're all out of pulls, and the character you were hoping for never comes. He's not really the best at comfort in general, that applies both over text and in person, but you know he understands the feeling.

He reaches for you a little awkwardly, depending on what it looks like you want to do about it. What would it be better to offer? Encouragement for reruns, or ingame currency for a few more pulls? He wonders nervously while he tries to pick whatever looks better for your case. If he happens to have the character that you wanted he'll actually apologize and definitely offer a few extra pulls.

Honestly, he finds that it feels even more sad than the times he fumbled his pulls. He'll scour the internet for any talk of reruns and send it to you within the hour, and if he finds none, he's always here to commiserate.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

[slipperylittleturtle]

i have all four of the 4* spicy cards now

each one is fabulous, but what i find the most interesting? each secret times feels like it takes place at various stages of a relationship. it's incredibly difficult to compare them because they each offer something completely different.

i decided to analyze each memory, specifically focused on the stage of the relationship. without understanding this context, i think it becomes tricky to understand the subtext and communication between couples when listening to the memories.

spoilers from here on:

xavier -

this is such an early relationship/honeymoon phase memory! these two are exploring, figuring things out, stumbling. it's actually adorable.

it's clear that mc is hesitant and uncertain. she both rushes things and holds back. she's trying to communicate her needs but hasn't quite built up the confidence or language to do so yet.

xavier is hungry. to me, he's desperately trying to figure out what makes her feel good, while simultaneously overstimulated by everything.

this guy is also way up in his head, but i don't think he realizes it. the way he shifts things and takes the lead at times, i am almost certain he's channeling decades' worth of smut he's read and trying to figure out what happens next.

the two, together, have always been big on role-playing. they find every opportunity to embellish the current situation, and that stays true throughout this secret times. xavier's probably got a scrape, mc was worried sick while he was gone, and they will find any excuse to get their hands on each other the moment they can.

rafayel -

sylus -

while this memory is still early relationship, it's well past the clumsy, exploratory stage. these two are still riding the high of falling for each other, more confident but still clingy.

grand gestures, like mc showing up to surprise rafayel, is what makes the most sense at this point in the relationship. how else can they show each other they care? they haven't quite progressed to the true partnership stage of their relationship yet.

these two are handsy, needy, desperate to connect with each other. there's a clear confidence in how their bodies work together, a history of exploring and understanding each others needs and wants.

lust probably outpaces love here. they're building a foundation of trust and love, but lust still has its temptation and sparkle. everything at this stage is about feeling good, satisfying desires, being together.

it isn't shallow, by any means, but their relationship also hasn't built depth and complexity yet. this is the going steady, boyfriend/girlfriend, not quite ready to think about forever but can't imagine not being together, fun part.

sylus and mc are such an established partnership of individuals. they clearly aren't a family unit yet, but there's a trust and a flow here that makes it clear it isn't new.

their coupling is sensual, needy, but lacking the uncertainty and clumsiness of a new relationship. they almost play at uncertainty, clearly communicating under the surface but playing pretend with their words.

they seem to be egging each other on, almost. both are fiercely independent, both are fully capable and trust the other to handle themselves when they are apart. but their exchange feels like a way to share their vulnerabilities and fears with a mask of teasing to make it less raw.

this is partnership. clear communication, reassurance, trust. plus, they clearly know each others bodies. the mess of intimacy is simply part of it, something to laugh at together.

it's such an important part of a growing and lasting relationship, finding your confidence as individuals, together. these two have it locked in.

zayne -

this one is full marital bliss. this is a couple years in, they are busy in their lives, but still completely in love. this is two people taking time for each other when they can't make time for each other.

this one feels so real to me, because it can be so difficult to make space for intimacy in a relationship when the stress of life gets in the way. starting with a massage is a perfect way to transition, mentally and physically, from the fast pace of the world to the bubble of your relationship.

this memory is two people who are making small sacrifices to prioritize their connection and each other's needs. to me, it's the most intimate of them all. they communicate, they play and tease, but all of it comes with a strong foundation of trust. these two know each other so deeply.

[sailorscout93]

Okay part 2 of Cynthia and Ariana’s commentary notes I’m making starting immediately after The Wizard and I until the incident in Dr. Dillamond’s classroom. This one also features some random fun facts about me and some random facts I know that weren’t mentioned in the commentary.

1. Ari being so self conscious of her writing in the letter to ‘Momsie and Popsicle’ 😂

2. I love how Ariana keeps referring to Elphaba as Elphie when talking about the character, she really is Glinda but also…. I’ve done that too when talking about these characters to people. I call Elphaba ‘Elphie’ more often than her full name and I regularly switch between “Galinda” and “Glinda” and while I try to keep it depending on whether they’re at Shiz being Galinda and from the train to the Emerald City onward to parts I haven’t seen yet because I haven’t seen the full story of Act II or anything that could potentially occur post canon in fanfics I read and such being Glinda, I regularly still manage to use them interchangeably

3. “Bowen and Bronwyn ATE this choreography!” (During What is This Feeling?) I know Bowen Yang specifically was very self conscious about dancing in this movie so to hear them praise them about it makes me so happy

4. Cynthia mentioning that “This was my birthday! Well, my first birthday that occurred while we were filming….” For the part when Elphaba comes out from behind Galinda’s stuff with the pink parasol. Just a little fun fact but ALSO it reminds you JUST HOW LONG they worked on these 2 movies to think that at the very least Cynthia had TWO birthdays during filming. Knowing that both of them auditioned in Summer 2021, I’m guessing that first birthday for her would’ve been January 2022 (yes Cynthia’s birthday is next week for those who didn’t know). So please cut the crying girls in the press tour some slack, they’ve been working on this and been in this world for 3 and a half years now, of course they’re emotional!

5. Cynthia’s “Jon always managed to catch my weirdest facial expressions!” But Ariana loves them! (And so do I)

6. Ari CRINGING at Galinda’s behavior in Dr. Dillamond’s classroom. She gets it! She knows Galinda was playing a part, knew she was being watched, that she was just a shell of who Galinda actually is. She wasn’t her best. But then praising Elphie and Cynthia’s like “Nah, this isn’t Elphaba’s best either. She’s also a shadow of her true self here.” I LOVE how talented they are that they can both SO EMBODY these characters so much to the point that they can portray a shadow of that character’s true nature!

7. Ariana is back to fangirling over Cynthia with her “awww I love you two together!” About Elphie and Dr. Dillamond 😂 as Terrible as Galinda acts in that whole scene, Ari’s true nature shines through in the commentary about how much she loves Elphaba and Dr. Dillamond

8. Ari: “How are we gonna make it through the whole movie?!” Cynthia: *groans* “I don’t know!” PLS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

If you’re still here I don’t know how I AM GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH THIS WHOLE MOVIE! Lol it took me 2 parts and like 2 hours just to get through the first hour of the commentary 😂 this is gonna end up being a multi part, possibly multi day saga of me trying to get through the commentary with my own commentary! Expect by the end its gonna be 5 or 6 parts

[housewarningparty]

2024 AOTY

by me! your pal, bri-bri

originally i was going to just write up the first ten albums or so, but then i had things i wanted to say about the rest of 'em so i just kept going. that made the list really long though. so here's just the numbered list, under the cut you'll find my extended thoughts n feelings :)

What I'll Leave Behind by Void of Vision

For Your Consideration by Empress Of

Sanshi by Ripped to Shreds

Coup de Grace by Seeyouspacecowboy

Aumicide by Atrae Bilis

Children of the Moon by State Faults

Ridiculous and Full of Blood by Julie Christmas

Absolute Elsewhere by Blood Incantation

Lonely People [EP] by Love Rarely

Cutting the Throat of God by Ulcerate

Infinite Mortality by Replicant

I Got Heaven by Mannequin Pussy

Valerie by Tei Shi

Forever by Charly Bliss

You Could Do It Tonight by Couch Slut

World Fighter by Angel Sword

Hicimos Crecer un Bosque by Fin del Mundo

Ephemera [EP] by Ben Quad

Stygian Rose by Crypt Sermon

Infinite Void by With Sails Ahead

Vault of Horrors by Aborted

Revelations by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers

Steps Ascending by Stand Still

The Tower by Urban Heat

AOTY 2024

Full list here: write-ups for specific albums under th cut. Ranked somewhat arbitrarily.

1. What I'll Leave Behind by Void of Vision (metalcore) - absolute bummer that this will be the final album by these guys, but I'm grateful for the fact that I was able to see them a few times before they had to call it quits. Been describing this as like a song missing from the Saw 2 soundtrack or something that should have been playing at one of the clubs in Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines or something. I feel like that's accurate - alt metalcore with its nails painted black and a profound love of Nine Inch Nails. Strong lyricism drawn from real trauma, enough fun electronics to make them stand out from more generic metalcore acts, plenty of hooks and some sick breakdowns as well to keep things heavy. I hope Jack Bergin's brain never explodes again and retiring from touring helps him lead a long and healthier life. "Gamma Knife" is the highlight for me

2. For Your Consideration by Empress Of (Pop) - my favorite pop album of the year. Lorely Rodriguez is so insanely talented, this album has a pretty diverse range of sounds without becoming too inconsistent. I love that there's raunchy club bangers like "Femenine" right next to sappy love songs like "Kiss Me" and more introspective tracks like "What Type of Girl Am I?"

3. Sanshi by Ripped to Shreds (Death Metal) - very good year for death metal but I think this is my favorite DM record of the year. I've always enjoyed Andy Lee's projects and Ripped to Shreds has been my favorite of them for years but expanding to a full band has taken them to a whole nother level. Killer riffage throughout, insanely fun lead swapping between Lee and Michael Chavez. "Horrendous Corpse Resurrection" is easily one of my top songs of the year

4. Coup de Grace by Seeyouspacecowboy (Metalcore) - this was a big big SYSC year for me, in large part bc I ended up seeing them live so many times. Honestly initially I struggled with Coup de Grace because it leans harder into the dramatic, theatrical MCR/P!ATD style of emo than any of their other work, and that's not necessarily to my taste. This still makes the top 5 despite regularly skipping several songs on each listen because the rest of it is so damn good. Could not stop listening to it this fall. Safe to say it grew on me. "Chewing the Scenery" and "Subtle Whispers to Take Your Breath Away" were two of my most played tracks for the whole year

5. Aumicide by Atrae Bilis (Death Metal) - one of the most underrated death metal bands active rn imo. No sophomore slump for these guys, this record absolutely smokes from start to finish. It's heavy and it's nasty, but it still grooves. There's enough melody to make it addictive but they're still able to maintain the harshness that makes dissonant death metal compelling. "Hell Simulation" and the closing track "Excruciate Incarnate" are perfect examples of the balance they strike between those two modes

6. Children of the Moon by State Faults (post-hardcore) - 2024 was the year I discovered State Faults. Very much the experience of finding a band that is so much Your Shit that it feels insane that you're almost a decade late to the party. Children of the Moon is the best post-hardcore album of the year imo and it's not even close. These guys draw from an incredible range of influences to create some of the most affecting work in the genre - brutal and beautiful and profound. "Palo Santo" and "No Gospel" absolutely blow me away every time

7. Ridiculous and Full of Blood by Julie Christmas (post-metal? Noise? Julie Christmascore) - anyone already familiar with Julie Christmas' work does not need me to explain why she's such a powerhouse and anyone not familiar will be done a disservice by anything short of listening to her music for themself. All I can truly say about Ridiculous and Full of Blood is that it's one of the most dynamic, interesting albums of the year and I just hope to God she doesn't make us wait another 14 years for her next solo record. The band she assembled for this album is insane across the board, but in particular it was a delight to see her collaborating with Johannes Persson again eight years after the absolutely masterful collaboration with Cult of Luna. If you listen to only one song out of all the stuff I'm recommending today, let it be "The Lighthouse"

8. Absolute Elsewhere by Blood Incantation (progressive death metal) - everyone won't shut up about this album but in this case the praise is absolutely earned. Cosmic, atmospheric, brutal, spacey, heavy as hell. With a Tangerine Dream collaboration no less! Essentially comprised of two long songs, Absolute Elsewhere is a record you need to make time for, meant to be listened to in full to get the most out of it, but it's so, so worth it to take the time. A stunning, transportive piece

9. Lonely People [EP] by Love Rarely (post-hardcore/math rock) - my favorite EP of the year. A very exciting band, they fuse hooky, math rock riffs with post-hardcore intensity. Courtney Levitt's vocals are incredible - a combination of throat shredding shrieks and powerful, emotional clean singing that makes you instantly sit up and pay more attention. "Say Yes" was on repeat for me all year

10. Cutting the Throat of God by Ulcerate (death metal) - an absolutely crushing, depressive, beautiful piece of dissonant death metal. Undeniably heavy, but on this outing we see Ulcerate lean into some post-rock esque melodicism that elevates their sound even further. It's such an atmospheric album - grim and unrelenting, but strangely delicate in places. Top notch musicianship throughout, but Jaime Saint-Merat's drumming is just mind-blowing. The title track is a must-listen song for anyone who gives a shit about heavy music at all

11. Infinite Mortality by Replicant (Death Metal) - I noticed in my write-ups for the other two dissonant death metal albums on this list, I took a moment to highlight and praise the melodicism therein. That won't be happening for Infinite Mortality. That's not to say there's zero melody at all but to emphasize how much that's not the draw here. This album is an altogether darker, nastier, more menacing affair. There's a grime here, a dizzying, sinister undertone of violence. My first time listening to this record was as background music while I was reading Crypt of the Moon Spider by Nathan Ballingrud and there was a scene in that book I was reading during "Orgasm of Bereavement" where the combination of the sounds I was hearing and the words I was reading gave me a full-body sensory experience: goosebumps, a faint sense of nausea, slight dizziness. I can't think of a stronger album recommendation than that.

12. I Got Heaven by Mannequin Pussy (Rock) - ANOTHER BANGER FROM MISSY DABICE AND CO. Mannequin Pussy keep getting better and better and it seems like they're finally (deservedly) starting to blow up with this record. It's a joy to listen to - snarky, vulnerable, earnest, clever, joyful and pissed off in turns. "Loud Bark" is already iconic, easily one of the finest songs they've written in an already stacked career of certifiable bangers

13. Valerie by Tei Shi (pop) - my second favorite pop album of the year! Tei Shi's first independent release. The breadth of songs on this album is incredible - bachata inflected pop kicks the album off with the explosively catchy "QQ (QUÉDATE QUERIENDOME)" and by the middle of the record we've somehow transitioned to intimate, heart wrenchingly vulnerable meditations on a painful miscarriage with "Falling From Grace." Frustration with the major label rat race as well as evergreen pop subjects of love and heartbreak fill out the rest of the album, but no matter the topic or the style of the song, everything feels honest and confident. The Spanglish version of "Mona Lisa" is one of my favorite pop songs of the year

14. Forever by Charly Bliss (Rock/Power Pop) - talking about honest, vulnerable music! Charly Bliss made their comeback this year and it's unsurprisingly one of the best albums to come out in 2024. Forever feels like a great marriage of the sounds on their other two LPs, Guppy and Young Enough. The band is still leaning into the pop sound that clearly enthralls them but there's a welcome return for fun guitar riffs too. Also there's no album on this list that has a stronger opening than the three song run of "Tragic" to "Calling You Out" to "Back There Now"

15. You Could Do It Tonight by Couch Slut (Sludge Metal/Noise) - okay enough pop music time for something gross and gnarly and almost guaranteed to give you some kind of disease. Couch Slut have always been here to upset you - and holy shit are they good at it on this album. Each and every song on this record is a provocative, stomach-churning vignette in its own right but none moreso than "The Donkey" where Megan Osztrosits recounts a horrifyingly fucked up story of a friend's drug-fueled bout of self mutilation in Chat Pile-esque spoken word over massive, dirty sludge metal riffs. It's fucking sick. "Here's what happened when my friends and I got fired from a haunted water park" - tell me you don't want to hear how the rest of this story goes, even knowing it will end in a grotesque, bloody mess.

16. World Fighter by Angel Sword (Heavy Metal) - okay enough edgelord shit now we're back to having fun. I honestly didn't think there would be a trad metal release that would top Razor Wire by Mean Mistreater, and then I stumbled into Angel Sword this summer. It's just candy, man. Extremely catchy 80s style riffs, incredible hooks, gritty yet charming vocals. This album is dripping in neon, racing down the highway at 90 miles an hour with two topless babes in the backseat telling you how cool your studded denim jacket and fresh perm look. "Vigilantes" never gets old for me

17. Hicimos Crecer un Bosque by Fin del Mundo (shoegaze) - kinda wild that this is the only shoegaze album that made it onto my list this year but it is what it is! And what it is in this case is the killer second album by Argentinian band Fin del Mundo. If you like fuzzy guitars and ethereal vocals, this is the record on this list for you. Although labeling them a shoegaze band is accurate, it fails to account for the ways post-rock, emo, and dream pop elevate the bands sound to another level. It's a record that's soothing and engaging at the same time, well produced, clear sounding without being too polished. "Vivimos lejos" brings a charming kind of ASIWYFA-style combination of gang vocals and emo instrumentals, resulting in basically four and half perfect minutes of music

18. Ephemera [EP] by Ben Quad (post-hardcore) - many bands are doing the throwback 00s emo/metalcore thing right now, but few of them are doing it as well as Ben Quad on this EP. This is basically They're Only Chasing Safety-worship but that's fine by me. Frantic, melodic, scathing and nakedly emotional, I love the intensity of this EP. I'd kill for a full record in this style tbh, but for now I'll be happy with what we've got. It's an incredibly short 11 minute runtime so I'd really recommend just listening to the whole thing but if nothing else, don't skip "Your Face as an Effigy"

19. Stygian Rose by Crypt Sermon (Epic Heavy Metal) - epic heavy metal, I'm sure, sounds like the stupidest genre name in the world. But like, listen to Stygian Rose and you'll immediately understand there's nothing else that describes it as well. Big, heavy doomy guitars, fast drumming, crazy soloing, nimble bass riffage, powerful heavy metal vocals and lyrics about like wizards and evil kings and stuff? Lie to yourself if you want, but I know the truth. This album fucks hard. "Heavy is the Crown of Bone" and "Glimmers in the Underworld" are crushing, face-melting works of fantasy bullshit. I can't get enough of this album

20. Infinite Void by With Sails Ahead (Post-hardcore) - I discovered these guys through a collaboration with Pulses. last year and I spent most of the intervening time eagerly anticipating the release of their debut LP Infinite Void. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. It's an incredibly confident and fun first record - firmly on the Swancore side of PHC but lacking a lot of what tends to annoy me in that subgenre (insufferable songs about the male ego). Sierra Binondo's powerful and diverse vocal range really takes these guys to another level in a genre where extremely talented musicians are a dime a dozen. Go listen to "Ryn" right now and tell me you're not at least a little bit in love now

21. Vault of Horrors by Aborted (Brutal Death Metal) - it's Aborted! It's a cheeseburger. But it's a really, really, really good cheeseburger after you've been craving one for ages. This record has two gimmicks - all the songs are based on horror movies and each has a feature from a guest vocalist. Admittedly, I find brutal/tech death to be kind of wearying after a while and this tends to affect listenability for me, which is precisely why this album has a place on my AOTY list - I don't get tired of it. It's brutal and punishing but catchy and fun to listen to. Daníel Konráðsso absolutely does not sound like a human being on this. I bet his calf muscles are insane, because the double bass on this record is frankly disgusting. "The Golgothan" has my favorite riff of the record, but there's no bad tracks, honestly

22. Revelations by Sarah Shook & the Disarmers (Alt Country) - haven't really figured out a way to talk about this band that doesn't feel at least a little bit like deadnaming singer/guitarist River Shook but they've yet to change their band name so! Admittedly, not a very country heavy year for me, but if everything I've dabbled in, Revelations is the easy standout. Continuing the band's legacy of clever, honest lyricism and rollicking country rock musicianship, Revelations feels like the best version of their sound yet. "Motherfucker" is a straightforward, righteously pissed off ode to gross, predatory men in the industry, "Backsliders" is a good old fashioned broken-hearted ode to a bad relationship, while "Jane Doe" is the easy standout shot through with emotion, clever lyricism and brilliant guitar work

23. Steps Ascending by Stand Still (Pop Punk/Melodic Hardcore) - I was a teen in the 00s so I'll always be weak to that very Long Island melodic hardcore in 2004 sound that this album is evoking so perfectly. I love fast drums, I love posi philosophical lyrics, I love those melodic, angular guitar riffs, I love a guy shouting and I love gang vocals. Those things in combination just always work on me. "We Know the Score" + "Mysticism" are the perfect 'holler along at the top of your lungs in the car' combo

24. The Tower by Urban Heat (Post-Punk) - one of my most anticipated albums of the year. When they started the album rollout with singles like "Sanitizer" and "Right Time of Night" I had a pretty good idea that the final product would have a good shot at being one of my favorite records of the year. And of course I was right. Most Post-Punk isn't quite capable of keeping my attention, but Urban Heat are so damn good at songcraft. The songs on this record are incredibly dynamic, ranging from the snotty disdain of the aforementioned "Sanitizer" to the surprising tenderness of the New Wave ballad "Seven Safe Places." It's an incredibly strong showing from a really exciting band. I've heard they're killer live, too. Maybe if I'm lucky this coming year I'll get a chance to find out for myself.

And that's it! 24 for 24

Except for these also >:)

Honorable Mentions (aka albums it killed me to leave off this list so I'm cheating by adding them here)

Club Shy [EP] by Shygirl

Prude by Drug Church

It's Inside You by Candy

Sunrise Over Rigor Mortis by Beaten to Death

Verses in Oath by Hulder

Beating the Drums of Ancestral Force by Tzompantli

Agony & Wounds by Obscene

Cure by ERRA

Songs of Blood and Mire by Spectral Wound

The Cycles of Trying to Cope by Like Moths to Flames

Razor Wire by Mean Mistreater

I'll Drown on This Earth by Cold Gawd

Heaven Let them Die [EP] by Counterparts

Dark Superstition by Gatecreeper

[ancha-aus]

SansNautica Drabble - How Four became Five

I haven't been feeling really motivated to write. But then I thought of this idea and i liked it enough to play with it. Lets see how it goes. You guys know the drill! It is a drabble so it is writen once and then to you guys :) Stuff is still up to change but it will be fun! I hope haha

Also don't worry about the timeline hahaha. Seeing as i am not either :D

Warning! Referred Torture. Medical tortue specifically. Nothing graphic but it is there and HEAVILY implied and thought/writen about.

Also. Sidenote and fair warning. I have the headcanon that the Mers lay eggs, they are fish of course they can, and that with a specific kind of intent and magic they can make eggs that will eventually cause the fish form to hatch. so a mer can lay an egg that becomes a fish version of them. a way that mers can help extinct races return and thrive. Nothing grapphic again but it is mentioned.

*---------------------------*

He is so tired.

He misses his family.

What... what do these creatures want from him?

Don't they understand they are hurting him? they have to right?

They speak within his mind. It hurts when they do. his skull aches and his very being feels weird.

He wants to see his friends... his family... He hasn't seen them in so long.

He doesn't remember their faces... their names... He can't even remember his own name.

They call him Ten... The Tenth subject...

He just wants the pain to stop.

They use tools that hurt. Their touches hurt. They cut into his limbs and they don't let him sleep through it.

He wants to go home... They nests in soft blue light of the light bulb plants. Hidden in the darkness with their natural colouring. Watching the fish versions of his mertype swim around their nests. Cute and always willing to cuddle.

Those things came. Took them. Took them all from their very nests. He had seen them steal eggs even.

He had seen them cut the eggs open. He had grieved for those eggs.

He had woken up with stitches on his middle. Not remembering how he got them as he had passed out through the torture.

He doesn't know what they want.

They said they had answers. But he doesn't know to what!

One of them walks over and he tries to curl up even more. There is no room around him. The tank of water is tiny and he can't even stretch his tentacles fully. He is stuck. He is stuck.

He just wants to go home.

But... there is no home anymore... is there?

He is alone.

So alone.

And only the creatures who hurt him remain.

-------------

Dream dodges another one of those alien hunters as he travels deeper into the lava biome. Rushing forwards.

Nightmare would be furious at him for doing this. Actually... Dream is sure he will be furious when he finds out.

His twin always knows what he does.

But he has to!

He has to take this risk!

Those terrible things took what is his!! They took the fish Sea Emperors! They took the leviathan version of the fish!!

Dream is furious.

The sea emperors had already been near extintion. Dream ahd worked so hard and spend so much magic to make eggs to help build the race. Working closely together with the old last naturally born leviathan. Drema had even spend his own magic to strengthen her! She was his friend!!

He is going to break her our.

Dream. My friend. It is too dangerous. They will hurt you. Please... Stay away.

Dream shakes his skull as he pushes his limits further. He needs to get to her. He needs to breka her out.

My friend. Please. I am the last one left. And I do not know where i am. I am deeper than you even think.

Dream pants as he slows down a tiny bit. He focusses his mind to send her a message 'please. Please let me help you.'

I don't accept that. Please. Use your freedom to help more like you. They need you Dream. you are a leviathan. you know that role is of a leader and protector.

Dream shakes his skull as he stares into the large open cavern. Sea dragons leviathans swim around aggressively. More of those alien hunters are moving around to catch whatever they can.

That is the reason why Dream is in his small form now. To be able to sneak by them undetected.

He focuses his thoughts as he starts to inch deeper into the water 'That is what I am doing. You are part of me! You may not be a mer but our tails are the same!' He looks around. He hadn't seen anykind of building of those aliens yet. But they tend to be rather obvious.

You know that you don't need to lead us. That is what I do. and I failed. You have your responsibility to help your fellow... what did you call them again? Mers? You need to help them. They need your guidance.

Dream feels his sockets itch with tears 'But what about you... what about all the eggs and gups we managed to bring back?'

And I will forever be thankful for your help with that. But you can't lose sight of your responsibilities to those who need your help Dream.

Dream frowns as he has to swim back to make sure the hunters don't see him. Their upright position and strange single claw hands unnerve him still 'My brother is already helping the evacution.' Technically. Nightmare is actually hunting the hunters and making sure the large leviathans remain save. Reaper, Error and Ink are actually working on evacutating everyone beyond the void.

Dream. Please. They need you. I will remain here and be at peace. I will play with these strangers and see what they want. you need to go.

Drema hesitates but that must be clear to her.

If you truly wish to help us. Please... free out eggs, They stole so many... find them and free them. please.

Dream gives a slow nod as he backs away from the lava. His soul hurting with knowing he will lose his dear friend 'I will... and I am sorry.'

His friend laughs Oh friend. Don't be sorry for what you couldn't do. Be proud of what you could do. and you helped us so much. and will help many more. it is in your nature.

Dream still feels like he leaves a part of himself behind when he abandons his own fish-kind.

He swims back to the underwater river. A green colour in the area as he searches and searches. He knows those aliens settled here.

A loud roar. Drema looks up shocked. Waht is a sea dragon doing here! the fish-kind of his brother always remain in the lava area! why would one be here?!

Dream rushes after the sound and watches as a large sea dragon bites hunters as they rush forwards. Dream follows them around the corner and watches it crash into a large alien building!

Dream frowns as he connects to the other's emotions and mind. Unlike his own fish-kind, other fishes don't have the many mental powers that his own has. But Dream can still connect to them and learn.

Anger. Hurt. Grief.

huh. Dream tilts his skull as he inches closer. Watching closely as the large leviathan sea dragon hits the structure over and over again.

A loud roar and as Dream is now mentally connected he finally understands what she is saying

Give them back.

Dream gasps and rushes over just as the structure breaks and starts to sink to the bottom. The sea dragon, the mother, struggles to stay upright. Drema rushes to her side to try and heal her but...

The damage to her own head is too large. The large being roars mournfully as she looks at the building.

Dream hushes her gently and connects to her.

Help. Will. Eggs. Find. Safe.

The large being. Those large eyes stare at him. and slowly close. a peace falls over her mind. a very tender and desperate trust fills her in her last moments.

And she is gone.

Dream glares at the structure and rushes over. Time to find some eggs.

He is honestly very lucky that the structure is already broken and filling wiht water. He had found other structures before but never could manage to get very far inside as there is alway a pocket of air.

Now however?

Now he can go inside and explore and-

Oh... oh no...

So many creatures. Strung up and cut open.

Dream rushes deeper. Searching. More of those beautiful fish and creatures all cut open with little regard to them. Chained and stuck with large nails. As if they meant nothing!

That is when Dream sees the egg! It is a large sea dragon egg and Dream rushes over to it. There are these metal tools near it but that is alright! Dream will just break it out.

As soon as he touches the egg he knows.

He still sniffs and nuzzles it. He tries to heal it but it is no use...

Whatever those disgusting beings did... the little being that this egg had held is gone... The mother had died for nothing.

Dream wants to scream and cry. Why!! Why did they do this to them?! Why did they come here and start hurting and hunting them?! What did they do?!

Dream pants as he glares at all the glass. He rips a large weird metal thing off the ground and starts hitting stuff with it. Breaking anything he can get near as he goes deeper and deeper. Rage filling his soul and mind.

He roars loudly and it echoes.

Fear.

Dream stops and focusses. He felt... He thought... He uses all of his senses to reach for that little spike of emotion.

Deep... much deeper into this strange nest. there is someone... they feel... muted feelings. almost as if they are asleep or not awake.

Dream inches deepr into this area. Ready to transform into his bigger form at a moments notice. It would hurt to transform here but he would be able to open up the base fully and get out easily enough using the shock factor.

He turns a corner and glares. THis is where those hunters were made! He is this close to continue destroying this area as well when he feels more of that very light fear. almost as if someone is having a bad dream.

Dream swims over and finds more of those glass containers. Many other creatures inside. all looking hurt. Dream breaks them out but he honestly isn't sure how far they will get. Still he breaks them out as he swims deeper.

That is when he sees them.

A mer. locked in a very tiny containment. Covered with scars and wounds.

A cuddlefish mer... Dream... Dream ahd thought they were all gone... that those terrible hunters had... the hunters went after them first for some reason... They all hadn't realised until it was too late.

Dream rushes towards the strange cage and tries to think on how to safely remove it. The other is shaking and seems to be stuck in a bad dream. Dream glances around and sees mroe of those metal needles and some vials...

Dream tries to hum and hush the other gently but nothing seems to calm them. He needs to get them out. Now. He goes to the top of the glass and uses his claws to get a good grip. Then with the help of his tentacles he forces the glass away. He reaches inside and pulls the mer into his arms.

"please be okay. please be alive!" damn! He will take alive at this point!

The mer doesn't react. Seemingly unable to wake.

Dream glances around. Suddenly afraid of where he is. He eneds to get this mer to safety. But he has no idea how strong the other is. Much less if they would survive a trip through the void.

What if they woke up there and panicked? Or worse?

An idea... Nightmare had already said he would remain in the crater. To try and contain these creatures. his newly formed shiver wanted to remain wiht him... Nightmare will be able to watch over this hurt mer!

Dream hums as he makes sure to have a good hold on the other "Don't worry. I will bring you to my brother. He will keep you safe. I swear."

His brother will keep this vulnerable mer safe and happy.

Dream is sure of it.