#was feeling the big sad

[tarabyte3]

Hey fanfiction writers: If no one's ever told you this before, it's not just fanfiction.

It's something you spent hours, days, maybe even months on, pouring your heart out onto a page because you were so full of passion and thoughts about a story or characters, you felt like you were going to explode if you didn't get it out. Maybe you lost sleep because your mind was racing with ideas or you forgot to eat or drink water because you were so focused. Maybe your back aches from being hunched over for so long, unmoving. Maybe you even felt like you were going a little feral because you were so excited about what you were creating, or were frustrated when you got stuck. Either way, you put your heart, mind, soul, and body into making something.

It's okay to want people to read it, and it's okay if you're disappointed that they don't or it doesn't get as much of a reaction as you were hoping for. Humans are social creatures. Sure, we write for ourselves, but we also share because the joy of doing so is just as powerful as the joy of the process. Of having created something.

We all experience that joy and that disappointment, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

So it's okay. It's not just fanfiction.

[haliaiii]

reading up on argenti’s lore

[adaines-furious-feast]

Bucky was always a little jealous of the attention Kristen got, until she leaves.

After she leaves he realises, oh, she hasn't slept alone in bed since Bricker was five because either he or Cork would crawl into her bed when they had nightmares. And she had to hold off on healing herself sometimes because -3 dex runs in the family and she had save spell energy for if Cork tripped and fell down the stairs again. And wow did he never realise just how hard it was to take verses from the Corn Bible and use them to stop their parents going on and on until their shouting at Bricker for something Bucky knows he tried in the past and Kristen came to his defence.

[nicossunshine]

“Jason was so boring” “Jason had no personality” what are you talking about

Jason Grace was a child soldier and the son of the KING OF THE GODS. The pressure on him was so huge and the training of the Roman legions was so intense all he ever really did was train. As soon as he was old enough he was put in positions of leadership and power cause he’s the son of Jupiter, leader of the gods, he must be a natural born leader, right?

But his entire character arc revolves around him realising that he can be more than what the Romans made him into, that he can have his own opinions, his own hobbies, love who he wants, live where he wants.

He was the first person to start defending Nico, the first to accept Nico and tell him sincerely that there was nothing wrong with him and that everyone at BOTH camps would accept him and have his back - and if they didn’t they’d have Jason to answer to.

He was sure to always give Reyna the credit she deserved and constantly felt guilty for when he made her shoulder the responsibilities. Throughout HoH he’s got half of his mind on her, praying she’s okay, tracking her progress in his dreams because gods FORBID anything happen to that brilliant woman whom he loved platonically but wholeheartedly.

When they found Leo again after he was at Ogygia, Jason recognised in an instant just from the way Leo was sitting that something was off. When everyone pestered him with questions, Jason took charge to get the limelight off of Leo as much as possible, and checked in with him the minute they were alone.

Jason Grace is fiercely loving, always looks out for those who need support, always sides with the underdogs, always does what’s right even when it’s hard, often does what’s expected even when he doesn’t want to, but if he can take the burden off of someone else he will ALWAYS step up.

He has the honour and bravery of a soldier and carries all of the trauma and doubt that comes with it.

And on top of all of this he was just sixteen years old.

Jason Grace isn’t boring, it just took some time for us to understand why he acts the way he does - always composed and in charge. He is not perfect, but he was always trained/expected to be, and watching the perfect mask crack and seeing his true inner thoughts throughout HoO is what makes his character so interesting.

[arsonstick]

okay can we talk about isat act five . not even the ending like 20 or 30 minutes. im talking about the house itself and all the floors. like at that point youve gone through the house so many times its muscle memory at that point. you know where everything is and how to get to it

so the switchup of the layout and the map and the weird teleporting glitch-y thing? its such a game changer. not to mention the distorted background and the edited music. ohhh its done so well

i got so lost in the house and i feel like it added a lot to the experience. if it was still going through the house as normal (albeit alone) i think the ending wouldnt have hit nearly as hard as it did. it added a sense of loneliness and unstability which uh. Yeah that fits for act 5

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 3 - San Fransokyo

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: trauma / mind control / separation anxiety / autophobia / ]

Something that kills me is that there’s no way in hell that Raph’s debilitating separation anxiety isn’t infinitely worse after the movie. The trauma of being Krangified like that, all alone, would probably regress him so hard.

Not to mention his worries of getting “weird” would likely get mixed up with his experience while Krangified - aka, he loses full awareness, and when he’s brought “back” it’s to the understanding that he attacked his own family (of course not to his own fault at all, but how much of that does he believe?)

The fear of being alone would take on another layer and become a fear of himself.

[alexturner]

CREATING EVIL The Final Season

[tojisun]

i'm going to move on. whatever it takes, i will forget.

this was something that you began to carry around, the weight of the words a burden to your shoulders. you feel weak. you feel lethargic. floating. like a body drowning in stagnant waters.

there is no one else that could pull you up, you know that. god, you know that, but you continue to fall. splintering. breaking.

a washed up star, devouring everything in its wake as it sputters in its futile attempts to live—is this not you?

is this not the way in which simon left you? pawing at the flesh of your body, nails digging in as you poke and scratch, hoping to gouge out the pulsing organ because maybe, just maybe, if you had no heart then you would not feel this way anymore.

because he left you like this: a broken person, unable to live. to breathe. food no longer tastes the same, your bedroom smells sour—it still smells like his old perfume—and no amount of opened windows can make the scent waft away. you can barely drink your water, you can barely stand underneath the shower.

he left you like this: a ghost of what once was, unable to let go of the memories. you hear the rumble of his voice even when you smother yourself with your sheets, you feel the ticklish touch of his fingers running down the planes of your spine when you lay on your side. the spring air feels too cold. the spring sun feels too hot.

you are a miasmic reaction. a person with no purpose. a museum of all of your love, no matter the end.

simon still leaves you messages:

"your friends say they haven't seen you for a while now, love. i hope you're doing just alright."

"i'm sorry. i always will be. please, take care sweetheart."

you think he is the devil whom old folks in your hometown used to talk about; the king of evil who comes in a beautiful visage, before sliding in your dreams to devour you from the inside-out. the malevolence who sucks the life out from every pore so that he may leave you stranded on your bed, in your house, on your own skin.

because if simon isn't the devil, then why does he torment you this way?

he calls you beautiful names like they don't mean anything to him; it makes you question if they even meant something to him then, before the breakup.

maybe they didn't. that hurts.

maybe they did—this hurts more. because why would he continue to call you these? why would he continue to remind you of what once was?

your fingers twitch, poised for a reply. poised for anything—a plea, a question.

you send him neither.

instead, you delete his contact and shut your phone off. you throw it underneath your bed before sliding back under your sheets, the backs of your eyes prickling as tears build. pooling. then, falling.

(a weeping star—)

your regret peaks the next day as you clamber to your bruised knees, stretching your gaunt body to pluck your phone out of the darkness. you turn it on and add him back to your message list, frantic, heart in your throat, only to stop short at the reality of what you've done.

his contact is a blank slate now, just as empty as you are.

the words that you used to cherish, the ones where he called you his beloved and his angel and his favourite person ever, are gone. the proof that he loved you just as much has all been deleted, all because of your error.

you sob again, anguish anew. bile rises from the back of your throat and you stumble to your feet as you rush to your bathroom, your body knocking against the door before tumbling onto the floor. you heave.

what a mess you've become, still unable to reconcile the fact that your lover is gone now.

lover—the holder of all of your love.

simon.

simonsimonsimon.

he's left you, truly.

this is it, forever.

how cruel, you think, weeping, your hands trembling as you wipe at the corners of your mouth. how could he leave me this way?

the grief bloats, and you cry.

you cry because it is all that you can do. all that you are left to do.

("why're you cryin'?" simon asked, his thumb gentle as it swiped at the skin just underneath your eyes.

"i've missed you," you replied wetly, voice all nasally from your tears.

he huffed a fond laugh, the puffs of his breath hitting the bridge of your nose. he turned to cup your cheek instead, his other arm falling to wrap around your waist.

"y'know i'll never leave you, yeah?" his eyes were crinkled in his smile. "i've got so much love f'r you, petal. leaving you isn't even something that i can see happening."

you sniffled, nodding, your lips wobbling as new bouts of tears fell. simon smiled before he pulled you to his lap, gentle and careful. you tucked your face on the crook of his neck, finding comfort in his touch.)

you peel your eyes open, cataloguing the phantom pain shooting from the small of your back to your hip. you shift, careful as you rouse from the cold floor of your bathroom.

you think you dreamt of something—a memory, perhaps—but you can't quite recall what it was.

the sharp throb in your heart clues you in on what it might have been, but you're too afraid to jog your memory because you know you wouldn't be able to handle thinking about simon again. it is going to be a long day, after all.

a long, empty day.

[its-leethee]

4x01 // 1x06 // 3x01 // 4x09 // 6x08

Anyways thinking about all the times Rayla has been literally buried alive, but also how Callum did so metaphorically during her two years absence and after she returned.

He buried her memory, refusing to say her name out loud or think of her:

It was impossible to say her name out loud. Rayla. It still hurt. She was still gone, and Callum had no idea if she'd ever come back. Callum shook his head. He couldn't think about her. Not now.

--Reflections: Inheritance

And how after her return, he let his anger and confusion suppress his feelings of joy and relief that she was home and safe:

When she came back, I was so happy, but so mad at the same time. I wish I could just forgive her, but it, it, it's so hard.

When I-- When I... when I saw you standing there, I got flooded with so many feelings, I was so confused.

But avoiding his feelings didn't make the pain go away. The wound was still there, and now it was compounded with regret.

4x09 // 5x04 // 6x03

And while it seemed that Callum was going to succumb to despair, as Sol Regem did--

5x04 // 6x06

--he ultimately didn't lose hope, and found his one truth--

--his love for Rayla, which transcended any lingering anger and pain that was caused by her absence.

6x08 // 6x06

[wlwdaydreamms]

If I can't have you in this life, I hope you leave my heart alone. I hope my heart beats for someone else. Someone that will feel the same way about me.

[xoxoemynn]

Hello OFMD crew! I love you and I'm happy you're here. 💕

[br1ghtestlight]

btw. if you even care

[inluvwcaitvi]

vi yap session/analysis bc i’m tired of ppl glossing over her wonderful complexities as a character ✌️

okay so one thing i feel like some ppl gloss over or don’t realize when it comes to vi is that her eagerness and preparedness to fight is literally a trauma response. she is not just fighting just bc she necessarily wants to, or just bc she feels like picking a fight w someone for wtv reason.

it’s the reason she slapped powder and called her a jinx in ep 3– becoming angry in order to physically defend herself (or others) from what she perceives to be the problem is one of her main coping mechanisms/trauma responses. it’s natural for her brain to react this way. unfortunately, in her alr traumatized and deeply wounded state, she saw powder as the problem in that moment and was only able to realize her grave mistake a little too late.

i’ve said before that i believe that vi could have a stockholm syndrome-like attachment to violence/fighting which specifically occurred after years of being abused in prison (it was there before that but not to the same extent it is now).

when things feel familiar, sometimes they’ll start to eventually feel comfortable and become a normal, everyday part of ur life w/o u entirely realizing it. vi had alr been prone to violence as a teenager (again, trauma response) even before she went to jail. the shit that happened to her only increased it, hence the vi we see throughout the series.

what makes it even more sad to me was that vander had tried to teach her that violence isn’t the answer, and that it isn’t going to solve her problems— and she tried to do it his way. she genuinely did. she summoned the enforcers to benzo’s shop and was planning to let herself be peacefully arrested.

but then, ofc, as u know, everything goes wrong, and vander’s life lesson has is almost instantly turned on its head, and vi has to return to what she knows, using violence to protect herself and her loved ones, in order to survive silco’s assault and protect her family.

even more, she gets sent to prison and is literally trapped w some of the worst murderers and offenders in both zaun and piltover. she has to defend herself from both the other inmates, the wardens, and the guards/enforcers. using violence to defend herself from abuse, as a transaction, as a way to communicate and to get what you want, to even just survive the next day, etc. becomes even more ingrained into her head at a greater intensity for the next 6-8 years straight.

she rly did try to listen to vander and do things his way, but it was too late and the circumstances she was put in gave her no choice but to stay stuck in the same ideology in order to survive.

and what happens when she finally gets out? more fighting, ofc. she’s practically been conditioned to do so.

ik this is kinda long atp, but my entire point is that vi is way more complex than she’s given anywhere near enough credit for. too many ppl write her off as “me angry, me punch” and it was funny at first but it’s become a genuine mischaracterization and it’s rly annoying lmao.

anyways, i might do more vi analysis like this in the future that talk abt her largely ignored and tragically well-written complexities more.

[skunkes]

[lecfosa]

i think a lot of the people wondering why armand would let louis die, or why Didn't he let louis die in the vault if that was his intention in the first place, are greatly underestimating how calculating and intelligent armand really is. first and foremost; he absolutely knew lestat loved louis too much to let him die, and it was a risk he was willing to take. claudia dies, lestat saves louis, armand swoops in to save louis from the vault and conveniently gets to take credit for lestat's part of it as well. and the next critical point: doesn't louis killing the coven vaguely ring a bell? wasn't there someone else (lestat) armand led to his first parisian coven / children of darkness so he could destroy it without armand getting himself involved? and both times he used the people lestat/louis cared about most to achieve it (nicki/claudia). it's nearly an exact parallel. and for all his talking about how he trusted the coven more than louis, if armand really cared more about the coven than he did louis, he literally could've told them about the warning louis had given him beforehand. but he didn't, because louis' revenge played into his hand - he managed to, again, get someone to do his bidding for him without ever getting his hands dirty.