#the big hands sadness? thats a floor three sadness. except actually its not its a floor one sadness now!

[arsonstick]

okay can we talk about isat act five . not even the ending like 20 or 30 minutes. im talking about the house itself and all the floors. like at that point youve gone through the house so many times its muscle memory at that point. you know where everything is and how to get to it

so the switchup of the layout and the map and the weird teleporting glitch-y thing? its such a game changer. not to mention the distorted background and the edited music. ohhh its done so well

i got so lost in the house and i feel like it added a lot to the experience. if it was still going through the house as normal (albeit alone) i think the ending wouldnt have hit nearly as hard as it did. it added a sense of loneliness and unstability which uh. Yeah that fits for act 5

[theravenkin]

Oooh, how about hcs for movie night with Blue and her Raven Boys from TRC please??

OMG IVE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE THIS HC FOREVER YOU HAVE NO IDEA

ok this turned out way longer than i planned, what's new

- Movie night is held every Saturday night at the Barns--so it's just the five of them

- Ronan loads up on popcorn, candy, and drinks, and drags every pillow and blanket he has into the living room for the occasion

-The first few times, Ronan insists he's too aloof to pick a movie, so blue scrolls through Declan's netflix account trying to find a movie that will appeal to everyone

-Blue suggests tick, tick...boom! and Henry doesn't object, but the rest do

-"we're not gonna suffer through a fucking musical Sargent" "okay lynch calm the entire fuck down I'm scrolling"

-Henry suggests the great british baking show, but the rest disagree on the grounds that it's movie night, not tv show night--sorry maybe another time

- Gansey and Adam get excited about don't look up, but Blue sees that Timothee Chalamet is in it, and she rejects it out of pure spite

-Henry whines about it

-"what do you have against lil timmy tim??" "everything" she won't explain what she has against him but the other boys dont disagree

-"yeah he's fucking ugly Cheng, what are you into that whole sick victorian child look?"

-"oh sorry Lynch, I thought you'd be into that, I thought you liked 'em a little scrawny"

-Ronan and Blue punch him at the same time that adam nudges the back of his head with his foot

-"hey, man, I've actually been eating three meals a day"

- gansey beams "we're really proud of you adam, thats so-"

- "yeah, Cheng, he's got abs now" (adam snorts) "wHAT LEMME SEE" "why do you wanna see his fucking abs cheng?" "ohhh, i see, it was a trap"

- blue moves on, suggests "bright star"--she doesnt even know what its about but it looks like a good period piece

-they watch the trailer and at the end Blue goes "wait he's straight??? oh that was fucking queerbaiting" and Ronan goes "there's no way john keats was attracted to women." gansey and adam sort of grunt in agreement

-henry gets excited and suggests big mouth. they tell him, again, that it's movie night not show night. he is sad again

-"oooh guys guys what about breaking bad???" "hENRY FOR THE LAST TIME"

-blue suggests red notice, which she doesn't love the idea of, but Ronan hasn't agreed to anything so far, so she's trying to appeal to him

-"ronan, cars? heists? ryan reynolds?" gansey and henry: "ryAN REYNOLDS"

-ronan makes a disgusted noise. blue sighs and moves on

- "OMIGOD GUYS VICTORIOUS!!" blue whacks henry with a shoe

- "sargent, stop fucking scrolling through the 'romantic movies' category" "lynch, if you don't tone down the piss and vinegar a few notches, we're watching bridgerton" *gasp* "in my family home??? absolutely fucking not"

-after a few more tries where everyone agrees except ronan--who seems to hate everything--blue sighs loudly and dramatically. "ronan, do you even wanna watch anything??" "uh duh" "well what do you wanna watch" "i don't care" "yOU OBVIOUSLY DO"

-before they can kill each other Adam snatches the remote out of her hands and exits out of netflix entirely. everyone protests until he switches over to disney plus

-"ugh, if we weren't using someone else's account, i'd be so against all of this" blue goes on a little rant about corporations and monopolies while ronan makes fun of her

-but then a movie starts. it's an old, old disney movie; there's whimsical orchestra music playing as the beginning credits fade in and out. Adam looks at Gansey and they share a wistful, knowing smile

-Blue looks over at Ronan and the aloofness is gone; he kinda looks sad, but also kinda looks like a little kid. his eyes are really big. he slowly gets up from where he sat beside blue on the floor and switches places with Gansey, who was sitting beside adam on the sofa. blue watches ronan, completely docile, curl up to adam; adam wraps his arms around ronan and kisses his buzzed head. by now henry has followed her eyes and he shares a look with her. but then Gansey worms his way between them, his arm around blue and offering them both some popcorn. they both look back at the couple again then settle against gansey's sides.

-the movie is alice in wonderland. Blue is pretty sure that on one of the shelves in the living room, there's a dvd of this movie; ronan must have watched it growing up. blue smiles; as she listens to the first song, "a world of my own", she thinks it fits too well.

-when the movie's over, ronan is so calm he almost seems asleep against adam's side. blue smiles sweetly at him.

-"so, fast and furious next time, then?"

-he kicks her and she laughs

-from then on, every movie night is a disney movie. ronan has a lot of them on dvd. sometimes blue catches him absentmindedly mouthing the words to the songs. sometimes her and henry join together in a karaoke version of the songs and get booed and pelted with popcorn

OMG ok im gonna have to make another one of these sometime, it was so fun. thank you so much for this ask!! :)

(also idk which book it's in but i remember at some point, ronan recalls how alice in wonderland and pygmalion were his mom's favorite movies, and they kinda became his comfort movies. also i have a hc that ronan watches like five disney movies on rotation for comfort)

[undercoverwizardfanfiction]

With You When You’re Down: A ROTTMNT FanFiction One-Shot

I’m dedicating this one to @jadethest0ne​ who also helped come up with the title. Its also dedicated to anyone who ever battled depression or any other mental illness

Summary: It’s ok to feel sad sometimes, and right now Donnie doesn’t even have the will to get out of bed. But thats ok, why? Because he has a amazing family whose going to help him feel better.

Characters: Donnie, Leo, MIkey, Raph, Splinter

Pairings: I am NOT even kidding this time. You look at this fic with anything but ‘oh aren’t they a nice family’ feeling in your heart i”m going to sic my new pet Dragon Reggie on you. He loves eating t**st shippers and he’s hungry.

“Has anyone seen Purple?”

Raph tried to answer but apparently forgot he had just been trying to fit three burritos in his mouth and let out a loud choked noise but managed not to actually die. He bit through the burritos to clear his mouth and  shook his head, “No Pops sorry,” before resuming his task of fitting as many burritos in his mouth as humanly  possible.

Splinter frowned, “Red, I’ve told you this before. Small bites please, you’re too big for me to give the heimlich to anymore.” Even though Raph gave him a pained look and his shoulders sagged, he instead began to work  on two burritos at once. “I’m going to check on your brother, no one dare Raphael to put anything bigger than his head in his mouth.” Before looking directly at Leo who was already using breakfast fixings to fill an abnormally large tortilla shell. The blue turtle gave him a nervous smile before leaning back in his seat with a pout. Splinter went over to the coffee maker, knowing it was safer to approach a possibly sleeping Donatello with a peace offering than just running in and expecting him to be cool with it. Last time he had tried that, he had been three feet taller.

The rat dad took Donatello’s favorite mug and stepped to Donatello’s room, tapping the entryway, “Purrrple? It’s almost two, you may be tired but I brought you a treat.” He sang. When he didn’t get  answer he frowned, normally Donnie would give a loud shriek followed by ‘DADI’MBUSYITSSCIENCESCIENCESCIENCELETMEINPEEEAAAACCCCCEEEE!’. It wasn’t like Purple to not answer. He could still be asleep but even then he would have woken up in a rage and thrown something at him. While he normally respected his sons privacy’s enough to go to their rooms without permission (except to ‘borrow’ Mikey’s shirts), he  called, ”Purple I’m coming in.” he ducked under the curtain. The room lacked normal hum that would come from Don’s inventions and instead left the small space in silence. He almost thought Donnie was still asleep.

Til a small sob reached him.

Splinter went into the small connecting room that was Don’s sleep nook. Even in the darkness he could see Donatello was still curled up on his bed, wrapped up in his blankets like a cocoon, “Purple? Its Dad,” out of the corner of his eye Splinter could see the shattered remains of Donatello’s phone on the ground, considering Donnie once had a meltdown when Leo joked about touching his phone without permission, that wasn’t a good sign, “Purple?”

The form on the loft bed twisted around, rolling over like a caterpillar forming a cocoon to look over the edge down on him, a pair of blood shot swollen eyes peered down at him, a small sniff escaped the small confides of the cocoon as Don rubbed his face against his blanket again.

Splinter could already feel his heart ache, “Aw, Purple.” He set the mug on Don’s desk as he climbed up the loft ladder, “Can I sit?” He asked the turtle, without lookin at him, Don’s head dipped in a nod. Splinter sat on the edge of his mattress, rubbing his sons shell over his blanket, “Are we not feeling ourselves today?” He knew he wasn’t going to get an answer, but instead heard a small sad noise come from him again. Splinter remembered seeing a box of tissues sitting on his desk, snaking his tail down underneath the bed and pulling the box up to his level, “Here my son.” He set the tissue box by Donatello’s head who didn’t hesitate to take several tissues in his hands and wipe at his face. Splinter placed a soft hand on the back of Don’s head, “It’s ok my Purple Plum. We all have days like this. I’ll tell your brothers to not bother you and let you rest your soul.” Splinter moved his palm from the back of Don’s scalp to the side of his face, using his thumb to wipe a stray tear that escaped Don’s eye, “Is that alright with you my son?”

Don gave him a weak, if appreciative, smile as he nodded. Splinter held his sons face for a few more seconds before climbing down from his bed. He remembered the coffee mug he had brought it and carried it back up the ladder, “Here my boy.” He held out the mug for him, “Pure Black, just the way we like it.”

Don took the mug, squirming to a upright position, giving Splinter another appreciative , if small, smile before resting his face over the warm drink, “I’ll be back in a  few hours to check on you.” Splinter promised before climbing down the ladder one last time before leaving the room.

(#)(#)(#)(#)

Splinter had explained to them that Don wasn’t having a great day. A feeling Raph understood too well, but that didn’t make it easier to know one of his brothers was suffering too. Of course, his first reaction to finding out had been to go check on Don, at least before Splinter caught him  and made him promise not to go in there with the purpose of asking him a ton of ‘are you ok’ questions and draining his mental health more than it already was.

So, for the first part of the morning, he focused on his rubix cube. Though it was second nature at this point to twist it in the right shape, it did nothing to distract him. He had considered maybe getting his other rubix cube and go challenge Don to a rubix cube race, but Splinter hadn’t thought it was a good idea. He said they shouldn’t stress Don anymore then possible (and if they did, he would ground them to the moon and back). The big and beautiful turtle let out a sigh, setting his rubix cube down as he absentmindedly looked around his room. It was hard knowing his brother was in such a state without a way to help him, but then his eyes fell on a certain pink caboodle and a giant smile encompassed his face.

Raph snatched it up and jogged out of his room, making a beeline for Don’s. Leo, who was doing a handstand on his skateboard, saw where he was heading and looked like he was going to try and stop him til Raph held up the caboodle for him to see. The red slider narrowed his eyes before giving him a nod of approval. Raph had to stop from bursting into Don’s room and take a moment to knock, “coming in buddy!” He said ducking under the curtain. The form on the bed twitched before Don looked towards the entrance with a look of surprise on his face, “Oh, sorry” Raph apologized weakly, “I should have asked permission,” he said as Don’s gave him a slight frown and laid back down on his bed with his shell to him. Don’s bed was covered in used tissues and an empty tissue box lay on the floor as though Don had tossed it aside when it lost its usefulness to him. “I’m sorry,” Raph apologized again in a softer voice. He sometimes forgot his loudness could unintentionally set off Don’s headaches and sensory issues. “I didn’t come in here to stress you out if that helps,” he started. “The last time I was depressed, Dad did my nails for me. So, I thought I’d see if you wanted me to do yours!” He held up his caboodle, ‘“Mikey’s been giving me lessons too so I won't mess up so bad!” Raph took a moment to check the volume and tone of his voice, he didn’t want Don to feel like he wasn’t giving him a choice, “I mean it's up to you.”

For the first time since Raph entered the room, Donnie looks at him from over his shoulder, his expression is softer this time, as though forgiving Raph for coming to his room so loud. A few months ago, Donnie told him that Raph reminded him of a large dog that always forgot it wasn’t a puppy anymore, but he had said it with a smile so it couldn’t be an entirely bad thing.  He looks to the caboodle then to his nails and gives a nod so slight Raph almost misses it. “Ok cool!” Raph sets the caboodle on the desk under Don’s bed, “I think I have just the color, I saw it the other day when I was shopping with Mikey and it made me think of you.” He pulled out a thing of purple nail polish, “It’s glow in the dark,” he holds it up. In the dark room the purple contents give a soft glow, “And there’s glitter in it. It kinda reminded me of space so I figured you’d like it. Do you want me to use this?”

Don studies it for a moment, but then nods again, “Ok cool times two!” Before he starts, he notices Don doesn’t have his telltale hoodie, a source of comfort for him, “Hey if you want, while your nails are drying, I’ll do a load of your laundry and bring you one of your hoodies back. I’ll ask Leo for help so I don’t accidentally use the wrong fabric softener. Is that ok?” He once again gets a soft nod and sets to work. He also makes sure to clean the tissues off Don’s bed and bring him a new box before leaving to do his promised laundry.

(V)(V)(V)(V)

Mikey slid his spatula underneath the newly formed toasted sandwich before setting it carefully on a plate with a few cut up carrots on the side and a cup of oyster crackers. He takes a moment to check the tray for everything he was going to need - Mikey’s phone, a meal, a box of hand wipes, and a water jug of sugar free sports drink. With a nod of satisfaction, he picks up the tray and makes his way to Don’s room, using his foot to tap the outside of Don’s room before ducking in. “Hey Donnie!” he says with his trademark large smile. The softshell turtle was propped up on a few pillows wearing a purple hoodie with the hood up and looking at his nails when he looked at him with a nod of greeting, “I brought you something to help you feel better.” He practically skips over, “Last time I was sad, Raph made sure that I had water and ate something. Even if you’re not hungry now.” He almost laughs at the suspicious way Don was studying the sandwich, “Don’t worry it's not a Leo sandwich, it’s toasted mustard and ketchup. Your favorite.” Don nods at him, but sets the food aside. Mikey made a mental note to check later to make sure that Donnie actually ate. He did feel better to see Don drink out of the water jug before the hand wipes caught the soft shell turtles attention, “Oh that’s something Leo taught me too. It’s a good way to clean yourself without having to take a shower. I know you don’t like feeling dirty, so I figured you’d like it. There’s also some gum to clean your teeth”

Don blinks at him before opening the container. Its only then Mikey notices the soft purple glow coming from his nails, “Aw! I see Raph was here too!” Don nodded, he was already using a hand wipe to clean his neck and face. Mikey picked up the trash can and pulled Don’s chair around so it could rest it on it. Giving Don a closer vantage to it. He figures Don will finish his ‘hand wipe bath’ when he’s got privacy. “Hey dude you remember that AMV I was making for Jupiter Jim the Musical? The one made like a silent film??” He paused, thinking for a moment, “wait, actually how is it a musical if it’s a silent film?” He looks to Don for the answer, as he usually does, but Don just shrugs. “I was thinking of using a StarSet song, and since you basically listen to them all the time I thought I’d ask you for help picking one out. Is that ok?”

Honestly he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, maybe having Don roll away. He should of asked Leo if this was a good idea but instead Donnie scooted away from the ladder, patting the spot he had been sitting in. With a smile that can barely be contained by his round naturally happy face Mikey climbs up the ladder taking out his phone and pulling up the StarSet playlist he had made. He nearly jumps out of his skin when Don rests his cheek on his scalp but makes sure to give him a smile before starting the playlist.

(#)(#)(#)(#)

Leo honestly hates it when the Lair is quiet. Even though it’s barely evening, it feels almost unnatural for a home that had seen so many fires that he was sure the fire department would condemn them. Hours earlier, Splinter had told them that Donnie was experiencing a depressive episode and that they should respect his space and privacy as much as possible. But of course, had he been told his favorite Donnie was in such a state a few months earlier, he would have run through the wall and trapped Donnie in a death cuddle from which there was no escape. But at this point he knew better, so even though he watched Splinter, Raph and Mikey go visit Donnie at different times during the day, he stayed his distance, staying close enough that if he heard anything he could interfere.

So now he sits at the kitchen table, drumming his fingers on the surface. If anyone had been in the room with him, they would tell him to take a breath and stop feeling so anxious. But he can’t help it. Anxiety was a nasty devil who lived in your brain reminding you of all your mistakes you’ve made and all your mistakes to come.

Leo leans back in his seat, and takes a deep breath.

The anxiety feels further away.

The turtle stands up and stops by his room long enough to pick up his favorite blue hoodie. He makes sure to take a deep breath before knocking on Don’s door (I think you should specify which door), “Your favorite Leo’s coming in.” He calls gently before ducking under the curtain. He’s almost surprised to see the room still so clean, he can see clean clothes hanging from Don’s closet and a trash can situated on a chair by Don’s bed is filled with tissues and wipes. It fills his heart to know his brothers cared so much to come in here and to do little things to help him.

But Don doesn’t even roll over to acknowledge him, he can barely see Donnie scrub at his eyes again before curling up under his blanket. With a soft sigh, Leo walks over and climbs up the ladder, “Still not feeling ok buddy?” He asks crossing his arms over the top rung and resting his head on them as Donnie nodded in agreement. ”It's ok,” he drummed his fingers over the surface of Don’s mattress, picking up a few stray crumbled tissues and dropping them over the side of the bed. “Remember when I had my bad day a few weeks ago? I went to my room and refused to come out. I was a little angrier than I think you are now. But you came in and just hung out with me? You set up a projector in my room and we watched Jupiter Jim movies all night and you did that JJ impression that always makes me laugh.”  He couldn’t help but smile softly at the memory. Eventually his room was full of their small family all curled up on his bed watching a low budget sci-fi movie series, even Splinter (who had some beef JJ he didn’t understand) joined in. Mikey sat on Raph’s shoulders doodling on his mask as Leo laid his head on Donnie's lap and laughed himself silly.

Leo blinks out of his memory and smiles up at him “You know what? Give me a sec.” He leaps off the ladder and hurries to Don’s lab. It feels almost eerie to see all his inventions shut down, but he snatches up Donnie’s tablet from its charging station and comes back to Don’s bed. “I’m actually kinda bored, wanna hang out and watch Ted Talks?” At first Don doesn’t look at him, his eyes were so swollen that Leo wasn’t entirely sure he could see anything. He was prepared to leave if Don wanted him to, but is relieved when Donnie nodded. Leo beams as he scrambles up the ladder. He gathers the pillows around to make a makeshift seat for the two of them, snuggling into his spot. “Not to sound too humble, but I can basically make the best pillow throne ever right Donnie-Dee?” He smiles praising his naturally humble nature before he scoots over enough to give Donnie space free of him but is again surprised when Donnie curls up next to him and rests his head on Leos’ shoulder. At first, he thought Don just wanted to see the screen better. But then his immediate brother begins to tremble, pulling down the rim of his hoodie down to to cover his face as he began to sob softly.

The blue masked turtle immediately wraps his arms around his brother, resting his cheek on his brother's scalp. He is unsure what he could say to comfort him, but when he felt Don press his face into his shoulder, he knew this would suffice.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there rocking his favorite weeping Donnie in his arms. But slowly he felt Don’s sobs fade away with his trembles, and eventually he pulls his face away enough to pull his tears tainted hoodie away from his face. Leo, without releasing his hold, pulls the box of tissues closer. “It’s ok to feel sad sometimes,” he says rubbing his cheek against Don’s temple to give him the space to wipe his eyes. “Just don’t forget that we love you Dee. We’ll always be here to take care of you. Your big brain knows that right?” He said peering at his brother's face. Donnie gave him a shaky smile and a nod, “See? That’s why you’re the smart one buddy.” Leo says with a smile

A soft noise escapes Donnie that Leo realizes is supposed to be a laugh, and he rubs his scalp. He settles back to hold the tablet up when Don reaches over to a plate Leo hadn’t noticed and tore a grilled sandwich in half, before pausing and stuffing one of the sides with some few remaining carrot sticks. Leo grins. “Aw see? You know me so well,” he says taking the carrot sandwich half with one hand and holding up the tablet with the other so Don could see it. Later, when Don was obviously getting annoyed with the flawed logic behind the Ted Talks, Leo would mute the screen and give his best impression of what he thought the ‘experts’ were saying. Even though Don laughed, it wasn’t so much Leo’s humor it was the horrible jokes that had him drag a hand down his face and succumbing to giggles. Later that night, they would be joined by the rest of their family. There wasn’t room for a projection screen, but Mikey brought in several of his favorite board games and they made a circle that would include Don’s bed. Sharing stories and telling jokes long into the night. Though Don didn’t share any stories, he laughed louder than everyone else, and at one point had to escape Leo’s ‘tickle torture’ when he rolled his eyes too many times at his jokes.

But nothing could keep the smile off his face after that.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Subway scene /Arthurs POV

The subway is moving forwards, while everything inside of me is standing still. Frozen. Numb even. The numbness takes over me, except for the real bad headache. I shouldnt have done that. Hurting myself. But sometimes I just cant help it. Sometimes the sadness turns into anger and I dont want to hurt anyone, so I punish myself instead of anyone else. Instead of the people that hurt me all my life. I just sit there and take it, and try to cry my eyes out afterwards, but I cant even do that. Not a tear.

Silence. At least on the outside. Inside of me silence doesnt excist.

I don`t say much. I would love to talk a lot actually, but I gave it up when I realized that people won`t listen anyway. I prefer to write in my jornal nowdays. Its saver for me. My journal can`t missunderstand me. At least I hope so.

But yeah… if only they would give me the chance to explain myself. They would notice that I`m a good guy.  But they won`t. To them it doesnt matter how big my heart is or that is filled with lonelyness. I do write my jokes for OTHER people. To make them happy. To be seen as someone who want to spread positivity. But they remain unheard. My jokes are only scribbles in my journal. At least up until now. I`ve got the feeling that change is about to come. Like….I can feel soemthing growing inside of me. Not sure what it is though. Its just a gut feeling but trusting my feelings is another story...

I look outside the window. Graffitys on the dirty surface cover half of my reflection. Half of my face, a blurr. Funny because thats how I feel right now. I notice how worn out my face must seem to others. A sad eyed clown, abandoned from the rest of the world. I can`t smile for anyone today. Not after Hoyt fired me. How could I ever tell my mum when I get home? I just told her that she shouldt worry about money, or me. That my stand ups are ready for the big clubs. And now I got nothing left.  Not even my job, which I loved. Mum and I didnt had much money but it was enough to get us through. What now? She`ll be so dissappointed in me. I wanted make her proud. I wanted her to watch her son up on the stage, thinkng “I`m so proud of him. He really made it. ” But all she is going to say now is “Oh happy. I guess you just weren`t funny enough”.

I turn around and face the seats, trying to get eye contact with a lady. I crave human connection so much. It would feel so good if she would just look me in the eye for a second. It would be like a proof that I am here and people notice. But she doesnt. Maybe she`s too caught up in her own thoughts. Maybe she questions her own existence just like me.

The doors open, she gets up and leaves. A deep sigh is escaping my painted lips. Three guys are getting in, talking about a girl they danced with. The conversation caughts my attention. Sounds like they were at a dance club or something. I`ve never been at one, so I try to hear all the details about how a normal guy would manage to make out with a girl. I really could need some good advice, but after only a few seconds I realize that the guys must be drunk. One of them claims that the girl was in love with him, while his buddy says it aint true. Nothing to learn here.

It is now that I realized that there is a pretty girl sitting across me. “Want some french fries?” one of the drunk guys asks her and the way he does so makes me feel uncomfortable.  Him trying to get her attention feels wrong.

“Helloooo?” .

“No, thank you” The girl seems annoyed. “They`re real good!”  he says, before he starts throwing the food at her.  “C`mon” the other one says “He`s being nice to you”.

The girl just wants to read her book. Why would they even bother her? I have never been on a date before but this sure isnt how I woud treat a woman. I would try to be a gentleman. To become a beautiful memory which she writes down in her diary when the day is done. I want to become a romanic page in a womans diary. A poem. A lover.

I take a look at the cover of what she is reading. Alice in wonderland. I like that. Alice knew how to create a world of her own. Reality couldnt bother her anymore. But her dream world did. I guess there is just no way to escape your own mind.

I get nervous, noticing that she makes eye contact with me. I was longing for eye contact just minutes ago but now that this pretty girl looks right at me I`m sweating.  I guess she wants me to say something to them. To step in and tell them to leave her the fuck alone. The friendly clown looks like he could help her out. And I want to. I want to stop them so bad. I want to get up to those guys and tell them to fuck off. To leave the girl alone with her book, Alice and her imagination. But my body won`t let me. I am frozen. My legs won`t move. I`m just sitting there. What kinda man am I, to not help her out? Just a sad clown on the subway. Nothing more. All I wanna do is cry.

And there it comes….. hmmm... haha. I shake my head. No. please not now. Not in front of a pretty girl and some bullies. This is bad. I`m in deep shit now.  I can`t hold it back. The pain. The urge to cry, to shout out. To scream.

The laughter. Its making its way up my throath again. I want it to stop! At the same time there is something inside of me that acually thinks that this is funny. Those drunk idiots trying to impress a girl by throwing french fries at her and I`m actually hoping to learn something here when they came in. What a joke.

I can tell  by their dirty looks that I already caught attention . The wrong kinda attention. the kind of attention I`ve never asked for. Leave me alone to cry.

“Is something funny, asshole?” his voice is hurting me. I try to tell him that he should ignore my laughter by gestures, but he doesnt get it. I guess the girl is scared of me now which makes it all so much worse.. She passes me by,disappearing, as the guys throws stuff at her “Bitch!”

Hahahahhahahah. I reach the point of pain right now. My throath feels sore from trying to hold it back.  My heart tired from asking myself why I am still laughing.

And just as the pain starts to spread its fire on my insides, the guy comes up to me, starting to sing. I know that song. I know it well.  “Isnt it rich? Are we a pair? Me here at last on the ground. You in mid air. Send in the clowns.”

A chalkboard.  Chairs. That smell. My teacher looking at me like i´m a freak. Fists. And more fists.

With every step he comes closer I get flashbacks from getting bullied at scool. The look in his face. in his eyes. I know that kinda look. He`s a fucking bully. And I`m his victim.  Nothing new I know. But that song…it really gets me. I love Frank Sinatra. His music means so much to me. It hurts that this guy is using it against me like a weapon.

“Isnt it bliss. Dont you appprove? One who keeps tearing around, one who cant move?”

Yeah….thats right……hahahahhaah I CANT move while you are dancing around like an idiot. Hurting me. Do you have any idea how much you are hurting me? Look at my face. I´m hurt. I`m in pain. But people never notice and you keep on dancing. You`re the one who is laughing. Not me. I`m crying while I have to listen to your terrible interpretation of Send in the clowns.  You can`t even carry a fucking tune!!!!

“Send in the cloooooowwwnnnsss” he sings, his eyes focused on me in a disgusting way, while the other one is sitting down next to me. I feel intimitated as he grabs my Carnival wig, exposing my real hair , while I cant stop laughing with pain in my eyes. Not the wig. Please not the wig. I need it. I cant afford another one and I have to find a new job as a clown soon.

“There ought to be CLOOOOOOOWWWWNNSSS…..” the first one looks at me in anger, the second one putting my wig on, laughing right into my face. I can smell the alcohol in his breath. The way he laughs at me. So rude. Just like back in scool. I`m back in scool. This is a nightmare.  Why would they want to hurt me? Don`t they realize I just want to be left alone?  I wish they would go away. Why is no one else around? But I guess I dont deserve someone saving me. I wasnt even able to hold them back from annoying the girl.

“So tell us buddy. Whats so fuckin funny?”

“Nothing!”. Finally my chance to explain myself.

Hahahhahahah “I have….I have a condition” I try to catch my breath. Its so hard to breathe, so hard to talk between the laughs. My hand reaches for the card. I  have to read it out loud, so they know.

Its too late.

“I´ll tell you what you have, asshole” he replies, grabbing my bag. I try to get it back, but the other is fast, holding me back. Grabbing me violently from behind, while the first one tries to attack me. I cant belive this is happenening.

I cant use my arms. This is worse than being handcuffed. I kick the guy in front of me. Kinda shocked I was able to make a move.

“We got a kicker, huh?” he says. “Hold him steady, hold him steady” he screams, right fore he punshes me right in the face ,so hard that the other one lets go of me. The next thing I feel is hitting the ground. Hard.  Lying there with a sharp pain that makes its way althrouh my body. I lie on my right side. My ribs hurt´. My head is pounding, hands  touching the dirty ground, trying to figure out if this is really happening ? I cant move. Freezemode is taking over. . I just cant do anything but take it like a good, little boy.

I`m a kid. Just a kid again. And its dark. And I dont know where I am. Or what day it is.

“Stay down,freak!“

Happy

Freak

Arthur, my name is Arthur.

They kick me in the back.Harder. All three of them now.  

For a moment I am afraid they will kick me to death. Three guys and some clown, paralyzed on the floor? I could definitaly die in here and no one will ever know. I`m not afarid of dying. But this isnt how I want to go. Not on the floor. Not while getting kicked by some assholes. They would step over my dead body and I would remain invisible..I cant let them do this to me. Not again.

Is this my inner voice talking? The one I used to feel lately? Is this the blurry part of my reflection?

I feel my left  arm moving and  remember the gun. The fucking gun Randall gave to me. The weapon that brought me nothing but trouble. Maybe this thing will be good for something eventually. Maybe it will save my life. Well Randall. Sorry for ruin your plan.

Those guys will get what they deserve now.

Bang! Bang!

That was fast. One is already on the ground.

Bang! Bang!

I never thought it could be so easy to defend yourself.

The other one is hitting the subway door.

There is blood but  no time to take a look at it. The third one tries to run away as I fire the gun one more time. I only caught his leg. He`s liping, as I grab my stuff, trying to catch my breath. To get my thoughts straight. The gun in my hand. God. there is a gun in my hand. Still. For a brief moment I seem to lose all orientation. Did i just killed someone? What should I do now? What about the third one? My mind is all over the place.

Breathe, Arthur. Breathe. I have a lump in my throath. Not sure if from the laughing or from the panic.

The sound of the guy banging against the subway door awakens me from my thoughts. The door opens and he tries to get away. But he won`t. I`m a fast runner and he can barely walk. I have to finish this now. Just one more guy. I have to bring this to an end. One more shot. He falls to the ground.

How does it feel there, on the dirty ground? Can you taste the concrete? Because I did.

Can you feel the cold against your aching bones? Well, I did. And it was crawling up its way on my insides.

You killed me first.

Every single one of you bullies.

You killed my hopes and dreams.

My innocence.

This is what you finally get.

Do you see me now?

Can you feel, that I am real?

Because I am.

And so is this gun.

I ran up close to him as he screams, trying to crawl closer to the stairs.

No one heard MY whimpers when I thought I was  almost dying in the alley.

I fire the gun. Bang Bang Bang. Until there are no bullets left. Until he doesnt move anymore.

Freeze mode, huh? How does it feel?

One who keeps tearing around. One who cant move.

And then… silence.

Exept the noise in my ears. I take a short look at the body lying in front of me. He really is dead. Huh. . Kinda surprising what a gun can do.

I press my hand against my ears. That noise.  I hope there will be music again, soon.

I take a look around. No one is there. Time to grab my stuff and get gone.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I can and  feel myself changing with every step I take, with every short breath I become something.

There is a glow inside, as I run into an unknown desitination, my shadow ahead of myself

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

ii.iv. (m)

warnings: smut  wc: 3.247  a/n: okay this one is a little bit longer - again. Thats the reason why it takes so long. But now you have the update of the series aaaand it’s full of smut haha sorry not sorry ;)

Daddy Jaehyun Masterlist

"He has never really had the bottle. It could be that he will not sleep." You stood between door and corridor and just could not go. Jaehyun was already at the lift and rolled his eyes. "We also want to have a child soon, we have to get used to it anyway." Johnny and his girlfriend, with whom he has just moved together in a new apartment nearby, took care of Miga and Sunoh this night. Since you have had a second child, Johnny is completely in baby fever and now wants to become a father too. "And Miga can may be acting bitchy, especially when Sunho is whining." Somehow you could not quite tear yourself away. It would be the first night you will spend without your two children. "We'll do it, you really don’t need to worry." Johnny tries to calm you down and leans against the door. "Come on Y/N, the elevator is already here." Jaehyun called this to you and you finally take a step out of the apartment. "If anything happens, call me immediately." You look desperately into the room again, but then Johnny closed the door. A little sad, you go to your husband, who was finally able to get in the elevator. "Everything will be fine." Jaehyun took you in the arms and kissed your hair. "I know, but Sunho is still so small." You never thought that you would ever belong to the women who can’t live without their children. But after all, Sunho was only a few weeks old and only lived from your breasts. "You are no longer in puerperium and today is our anniversary. Let's just enjoy this night." Jaehyun was right. Everything has been all about your kids lately. Now it was time to take care of your relationship. For two weeks you already had the okay of your doctor that you can have sex again. Everything had formed back to normal. But your body has not been ready for sex until now, as you still felt a little bit of sore. But now you take the birth control pill again and slowly feel better in your body too. It was the perfect evening for it today. Jaehyun has reserved a table in a nice restaurant and then a suite in one of the best hotels in Seoul. He had really worked hard and you were very impressed. But you still could not switch off, the topic of your children at the dinner. You always have to think about Sunoh and Miga. "And on Wednesday we have to go to the paediatrician, because he gets a few more vaccinations. I hope it does not scare him." "Y/N, he is two months old, he will not remember." Jaehyun sighed and watched as you poke around in your salad. "Yes, but he is still so fragile." Now it was you who sighed and you take a bite. "You know I love our children, they are really wonderful. But can we forget today that we are parents?" Jaehyun looked at you with his dark brown eyes and put his hand on yours. He was right, because once again you had only thought of your duties as a mother. "I'm sorry, I don’t know why I suck on leaving the kids behind." You look up to your husband and smile slightly. "Because you are a good mother." It was a compliment that meant a lot to you and made you all red in the face. You were glad that Jaehyun saw everything so easily. "By the way, Johnny wants to propose his girlfriend next week." Jaehyun took a sip of his wine as he told you the news. "It's all very fast or?" A few months ago, Johnny was back in Chicago. Then he met his old childhood sweetheart and they fell in love again. She came to Seoul for a few weeks and now 4 months later they want to marry and have children. "I know, but I trust Johnny. He knows exactly what he's doing, and then somebody else is finally going to be a father too." You laugh and order, then another round. And you two done something this evening that you have not done in a long time - just talking about friends and about yourself.

After the meal, Jaehyun immediately took the hotel room key. Slowly you got nervous, but it was all so exciting. It was so long ago that you had sex and after the birth is the first time more difficult. After the birth of Miga, you had no idea that the first sex after would be so painful. You went to the thing pretty blue-eyed. But now you knew that it would not be so easy and that made you nervous. Many questions went through your head and your insecurity got bigger and bigger. When Jaehyun got the key, he came right to you. He looked unbelievably good that evening. He wore a black suit with a white shirt. His hair was styled backwards and black, with hardly comebacks lately, he didn’t have to dye them that often. "The suite is ready for us." He lifted the key card in the air. You smile and give him a kiss and when you wanted to break away from him, he did not let you go. "I hope you know you're driving me crazy with your dress." He whispers this in your ear and grabbed into your ass. You briefly gasp and look at him with wide eyes. It was all as intense and it felt as if you were alone in the hotel. You were sure people saw you, but you did not care. You just wanted to keep Jaehyun as close to you as possible. He smelled so good and his lips tasted incredible. Jaehyn called for the lift without letting you go. He pressed his lips on yours and his tongue played its own game in your mouth. When the elevator was there, he didn’t stop for a second and pushed you inside and against the wall. "Look what you do to me." He took your hand and put it in his crotch. You feel how his length was really hard and you start stroking over his bump. Jaehyun suppressed his moan as he devoted himself to kissing your neck. Goosebumps arose and your breaths grew louder. But then it rang, and you arrived on the top floor. Jaehyun took the key card, unlocked the door and opened his pants and that’s all between your kisses. You still could not see much of the suite, except that it was huge and all glazed. But before you could examine it further, Jaehyun already pulled you again to his body and distributed greedy other kisses on your neck. You reach back to his bump and rub over the fabric of his underpants. Jaehyun groaned again, but this time it was different. "Wait ... Stop ... fuck ..." And at that moment it was actually too late. You feel something wet and see how Jaehyun’s body twitched. "Did you cum?" It was very untypical for him, because otherwise he always had himself well under control. "Shit…yes." Somehow he was embarrassed. He ran his hand through his hair and his ears went red. "I mean, we probably had no sex for three months and you look so incredible good. I think I just could not wait for this here today." He broke away from you and looked ashamed to the ground. "I take that as a compliment. I mean, you still find me attractive after two children. You're surrounded by so many idols, stars and good-looking people. I'm just standard…a simple girl." Now it was you who looked down and Jaehyun was shook. "Do you really think so?" He came to you again and raised your chin with his index finger and thumb. "Do you think I'm so superficial that I'm just blinded by looks, do you think that of me?" Jaehyun looked deep into your eyes and you were completely frozen. He was right, but so much was going on in your body that he would never understand your thoughts. "I don’t want to blame you. Only, you must understand it best. If you're surrounded by beautiful people all the time, that you're under pressure yourself, and in addition to that, after just two kids, my body is just a bit deformed and I thus have another vulnerability. " Tears gathered in your eyelids and you knew it was just the hormones that made you so sad. "Hmm ... okay, I can understand it somehow. But I don’t think like that. I don’t care about the others, okay? It's just important to me that you know that you are the most beautiful woman of the world to me and that I really love you." "I love you too." You lean you head more to him and give him a soft kiss. It was good that you talked about it. After the whole thing with his ex-girlfriend Suji, who works with him again in the company, it builds up a lot of thoughts inside you. "Come, I'll make you feel good." He took your hand and led you to the bed.

His lips were back on your neck and with his figurines he reached for the zipper of your dress. You got cold for a moment when he pulled the fabric over your shoulders. Although his touch was not new to you, your body was filled with excitement. For a long time, you have not had this time for each other, just to touch you. Jaehyun started everything very slowly. He took off your dress very carefully and spread a trail of kisses over the places where your skin was covered with the fabric before. When he took off your bra, he began to groan. You never liked your breasts when you were breastfeeding, because they were always very blue because of the big veins. But Jaehyun just only saw that they were big and plump. He begins to stroke the outside of your breasts. With a flat hand he started to massage you. His fingers brush gently over your nipples and you feel that it triggered something in you. At some point he placed a few kisses between your breasts and squeezed them a little so that his face was dented by it. You hear a grunt and feel how he continues to walk down with his mouth. He pulls off the rest of your dress and plays with the waistband of your panties. "We start very slowly okay?" He smiled as he pulled the last fabric down. It was all very strange, as if you had your first time. So many times have you slept with Jaehyun. During the first months of your relationship you went hardly out of the bedroom. But now you were nervous and Jaehyun realized that. He carefully placed you in the middle of the bed and also took off his shirt. "You hardly train anymore, how can you still have such a six-pack?" You laugh and stroke his skin. "Miga keeps me fit." He smiled and gave you a kiss. And that kiss lasted longer again. You almost forgot what a good kisser Jaehyun was. It was always magical, because his lips were so soft and his tongue was so gently wrapped around yours. As you dwell in the kiss, you feel Jaehyun placing two fingers between your folds and stroking them along. You startle, because you were not sure how sore you were. "Relax, I promise I'm very careful." Jaehyun's eyes were serious and you nod. After all, you trust him. And you thought he would continue with his fingers, but you were wrong. Jaehyun now moves down on you. Put his head in front of your pussy and spread your legs. You look down at him in astonishment, but then try to lean back and relax, how he said. And then you feel his breath in your most intimate area. With his fingers he stroked over your folds and spread them apart. And suddenly you feel the light pressure of his tongue on you. It was cold for a moment, but then you get used to his temperature. Jaehyun's tongue played with your clit and you had to say one thing, he had not forgotten how to lick. His tongue was just pure magic and sometimes you asked yourself how he could do it. He was gentle, but at the same time he exerted the perfect pressure on your clit, so you feel that incredible feeling in your whole body. Previously, you could always come right away if Jaehyun satisfied you orally, but this time you were too tense. You had read about it the last days and learned that it is very unusual to get an orgasm the first time after birth. But it was not important for you to cum in this evening. Jaehyun always brought you to climax the other times anyway. Jaehyun devoted himself to your pussy for a long time, but then he looked up and smiled at you. "I think you're ready or? I mean, I think I've prepared you quite well." With his fingers, he stroked over your swollen clit and at the same time leaned towards you again. "Yes? You think so?" You joked and pull him to your face to give him a quick kiss. "I don’t just think that, I know! Your pussy is so wet for me." He also kissed you briefly and then he straightened up again. He got rid of his last garments and positioned himself in front of you. "But you also make me incredibly hard." He put his length on your lower abdomen. You feel like his cock was full of blood and thus hit hard against your skin. "Wow I forgot how big he can become." You look anxiously down to you. From the outside it looked so unrealistic. His hard length lay on your lower abdomen and his tip reached almost to your belly button. "You've had him in you so many times inside you. I can assure you, he fits." Jaehyun laughed and leaned down to you. "I penetrate you very slowly and you just say if it hurts, is that okay?" He looks deep into your eyes and you nod to his question. Jaehyun stayed down by you, his eyes rested on yours and you feel his tip pressed very carefully against your entrance. "Ok, I'm starting now. I'm very gentle." He smiled soft and stroked through your hair. With big eyes you look up to him and try to relax. When he started to fill you slowly, you realize that it was a bit uncomfortable. But it also felt good and a weird mix of feelings evolved. "Everything okay?" Jaehyun asked as he was completely inside of you. Your eyes were still big and everything felt very special. You could not describe the feeling to yourself. "Yes, it does not hurt." You smile and bury your fingers in his skin. "Don’t worry. I'll be very slow today, it's just about you." Before you could say anything, his lips were back on yours and it ended again in a wonderfully long kiss. Meanwhile, Jaehyun began to move a bit inside you. He just pulled his dick out a bit and slowly pushed him back into you. In the beginning you were still tense and your fingers were still tight around his forearm, but with more movement, you became more relaxed. Your fingers relaxed and you start to moan softly. As you become more vocal, a smirk was on Jaehyun's face. "Does it feel good?" His pace remained constant while he watched you. "Yeah, that's good," you moan further and feel how the small movements were getting more intense. Before, you had never tried slow sex, but it had its appeal. It was so intimate, and it was so extraordinary, because you have not had that much time for sex for a long time. It passed many minutes and you get more and more accustomed to the feeling of his cock inside you. Although you did not come to your orgasm, but you were close. Jaehyun's movements were still soft and slow. You both enjoy your togetherness and it was just nice to hear your moaning and breathing. "I'm close, can I fuck you a little faster?" You knew that Jaehyun needed it harder and faster. But you thought anyway that you were ready for more. “Yes.” You clasp Jaehyun's forearms again and look up at him. He was still bent over you and you notice him slowly increasing his pace. "Fuck, you feel so good." Jaehyun groaned and his breath became heavier. With the increasing speed his breath became heavier. You try to relax, but it hurt a little. However, you did not want to take his climax and try to relax even more. His grunt grew louder and then he straightened up, pulled his dick out of you and finished himself on your stomach. You had to say that this picture was very hot. He looked so tall and powerful, with his cock in his hand. His cum sprayed all over your upper body and when Jaehyun was done, he took a deep breath. He was out of breath and his body was sweating. "How do you feel?" He lay down beside you and took out of the bedside table tissues. He stroked them gently over your stomach and wiped you free from his orgasm. "It was so good. Thank you for being so patient." You turn to him and smile at him gently. “For me it is important that you liked it." You did not have to say anything, you simply kissed him, showing him how great he was, how gentle he was, what a wonderful husband he was. "I love you so much." With these words, you finish your kiss and sit up. "I love you too." His eyes rested on yours and he gently touched the tips of your fingers. The rest of the evening you could only end with a bath. The suite requested an open bath overlooking the skyline. You two spent a while in it, chatting and touching. But in the end you were young parents and sleep was slowly becoming a foreign word for you.

It was the first night in a long time, when you finally could sleep through. For a long time you had not felt so relaxed. You have ordered breakfast in the room and enjoy it once in bed to eat. But then it was time and you had to slowly check out of the hotel. "I know that sounds bad and I love our kids so much, but I wish this could take even longer." You sigh and looked one last time in the suite. Jaehyun came up to you and put his hands on your hips. "I feel the same way, maybe we should do that more often?" Jaehyun smiled and kissed you gently again. But during your kiss, his hands moved down to the hem of your dress and his fingertips starting to touch the fabric of your panties. "Jaehyun, we have to check out." You look at him with wide eyes. "We have 10 minutes left." With these words he grabbed you and carried you back to bed.

Daddy Jaehyun Masterlist

[hardyshoe]

benefits- a roger Taylor series

par five

warnings- language

a/n-this isa bit of a filler chapter but chapter six is the one I'm most excited about writing so expect that very soon. thank you all xx

*phone ringing*

“darling I know your there, I need to speak to you don't hang up” finally one of them called, it wasn't Rog but you were so glad to hear Freddies voice.

 in the last few weeks you'd started to feel really quite down, not leaving the house was really starting to take its toll. however the fear of people knowing kept you holed up inside. seeing how easily Mary had figured it out you couldn't risk having people knowing and the information somehow getting back to him. he still didn't know, not at all. it felt weird that he didn't to you because by now you'd gotta used to the thought of the babies, which at the last doctors appointment were confirmed to be a boy and a girl. you were more than exited to meet them and the weeks just kept going past and your belly kept growing. that was another reason you hadn't left your flat, it was so much effort.

“oh Freddie, I have missed you”

“I know dear and I've missed you too, but we need to talk about roger”

 shit did he know? no there was no way he could Mary had sworn not to tell and you'd seen her just last week.

“oh?” you tried to keep calm but it didn't work and you could only muster a questioning sound.

“hes been off for the whole tour and I know the two of you hung out a few days before we left, did something happen. oh my god! the two of didn't shag did you?!” he didn't know, thankfully.

you sighed and tried to explain, “no we didn't shag Fred, we had a fight actually. he decided not to tell me you guys were leaving until two days before the tour started and anyway I've been too busy to forgive him,” this was partially true, in the last few weeks you had begun to buy things for the babies and set up your old study space as a bedroom. however you were so big it was taking quite some time as you constantly needed to sit down.

 “are you serious? he told us he wanted to tell you when we found out about the tour, we agreed seeing as you two are quite close. so we kept our mouths shut but two days is not enough time.”

“nice to know someone agrees, he seemed surprised when I told him to leave after he dropped that on me. it broke my heart Fred, he knows how proud I am of him, of all of you. and he also knows I don't have any other friends except you guys and Mary. god its been lonely Freddie” 

 Freddie started to apologise on rogers behalf but soon resided to slagging him off for his behaviour. it made you giggle and your hand fell to your rounded stomach where the babies were kicking. “I know, your daddy is a dumbass isn't he?” 

 “what did you just say?” shit had you just said that out loud? 

“...” you were frozen where you were, unable to form words from the incoherence in your head.

“y/n your gonna need to explain that. by the sounds of that you've got a baby. WAIT ARE YOU PREGNANT?” this was not good, so very not good.

“you can't tell anyone Fred, I mean it. you and Mary are the only ones who know and I would like to keep it that way”

“holy shit your pregnant. how far along are you?” he hadn't asked THAT question yet, how you'd get around it this time you didn't know.

“seven months on Friday” that was something you hadn't gotten to terms with yet, in four days you'd have three months to go and you felt anything but ready.

“sorry dear I don't think I heard you, I thought you said seven months.”

 it was that that made you realise how absurd the whole situation was from his perspective, you'd spoken with him once at the start of the tour for a few minutes but that was before you found out about he babies. so for him he was speaking to you again for the first time in half a year and suddenly you’re nearly seven months pregnant. “I did Freddie”

“so you mean to tell me you knew about this before we left and you didn't tell me? I'm offended” he feigned sadness in his tone but you could tell he was a little concerned.

“uh no actually I didn't find out until about 11 weeks”

“oh okay, that does make me feel better. but wait you said...” he paused for a minute, here it comes “oh my god! is it rogers?”

“Freddie please don't tell him I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t the one to tell him. Im just so scared he won't want me”

“I won't tell him darling its not my place. your secret, despite the fact it is very large and very shocking, is safe with me. so this means you and roger did shag.”  he laughed to himself after saying that and you to chuckled, it was a bit wild.

“look you lot get back on Saturday right?”

“yes dear”

“come and see me when you get back i’ll fill you in on everything then okay?” as much as you wanted to talk with Fred all afternoon, you were exhausted he hadn't quite thought about the time difference and with all your current expenses you couldn’t afford the phone bill.

“alright sounds good, I cannot wait”

 somehow him knowing was relieving and soon you'd have him to talk baby stuff with. you'd spared Mary from your endless talking about the twins. but now it hit you that in less than a week they would be back and then there was no hiding it.

-Sunday morning-

 “y/n darling I'm here” he called from the other side of the door in a singsong voice and you jumped up, well it wasn't really jumping in your state. you swung the door open and fell into Freddie’s arms, longing for the physical contact.

after a minute he drew back and looked you up and down. “my god your huge!”

you chuckled, “yeah that does tend to happen Fred, can we sit down?”

“course darling” the two of you sat down on the beat up couch and he started asking questions.

“y/n I don't want to sound rude but you’re like really big.”

 you shot him confused look, “well there are two babies in there I'm not exactly gonna be little am i?”

“did you say two? you mean your having twins?” had you not told him over the phone, it was unlike you to leave something like that out.

“yes I did, a boy and a girl” hands on your stomach again you smiled down at your belly.

he gasped “you have got to stop dropping this on me my heart can't handle it”

that lightened the mood and you chuckled at the look on his face. you gushed about the babies and how big they were, told him of how you found out and how brilliant Mary had been the whole time. he could sense your nerves about the topic of roger so he avoided it, though he was curious. 

“do they ever kick?”

“oh you wouldn't believe how much” you giggled and put his hand on you tummy where a few little kicks where coming from.

“how roger could turn away from this is beyond me,” he clamped his hand over his mouth and began apologising profusely.

“its alright Fred, I wish he was with me it is hard sometimes. and it kills me to go to the doctors and see all the happy couples doting over their babies and knowing I'm never going to have that.” again you felt the tears welling in your eyes.

“don't say that, rogers a good man he’ll understand, it was just a one night stand right?”

you shook your head and stared at the floor, almost guiltily. “no, not even close. it was about six months of casual sex. friends with benefits at best”

“I had no idea, well your chances just got a lot better, roger usually doesn't even call a girl after sleeping with her let along keep it up with her for six months. he must be in love with you thats the only explanation”

“I wish he was Fred” you choked out between sobs, this was something nobody knew not even Mary. if anyone should know Freddie should, he’s know what to say.

“you love him don't you?”

you just nodded. not quite able to explain.

[softforcal]

listen i'm an absolute hoe for your headcanons and maybe one of a slytherin!ash and hufflepuff!reader? (as hufflepuff as ashton is that boy is a fucking slytherin to the core i swear)

Slytherin!Ashton x Hufflepuff!Reader

-bae. i love you so much. you are such a fucking queen. like your blog really inspired me to create mine so i just want to say like, im dying that you trusted me enough to send this request and hopefully do it justice

-you are bae

-okay. lets go then :)

-so you’re a Hufflepuff and it’s funny because all the girls in your house have a thing for Ashton because he’s this kind of odd Slyther-puff mixture

-like he’s super sweet and funny and charming and definitely has Puff traits

-but at the same time this guy is loyal as fuck to his friends and he can be pretty sarcastic and intimidating when he needs to be, plus he’s a mischievous little fuck so there’s that too

-and he definitely has this whole bad boy vibe

-then there’s the whole thing about him being an absolute savage on the Quidditch Pitch

-like, he has a reputation for being such a brutal, conniving, ambitious, Quidditch mastermind and anyone who has to play against him knows that he will 100% hit a ball your direction and not worry about hurting you if it means getting his team a victory

-and you? well you’re just a little Hufflepuff squish

-so you’ve been going to school together for a few years, you’ve had similar classes and you’ve definitely noticed Ashton a lot, he’s pretty good friends with your friend Hufflepuff!Calum

-Ash also hangs out with Slytherin!Michael and Gryffindor!Luke

-those four are always getting in trouble because Ashton has some sort of plan and then Luke wants to do it because he’s the ‘brave Gryffindor’ and Calum always comes back laughing his ass off about the whole thing and sharing the details

-one day you’re in a hallway studying when Ashton runs past you, then stops, turns around and sits down on the floor next to you, “i need you to pretend we’re studying.” he states

-you’re about to ask what he means when Filch comes hobbling down the hall, his eyes fixed on Ashton, “what do you think you’re doing?” Filch asks

-”studying with Y/N.” Ashton says

-Filch looks to you and you take a breath before saying “it’s true. we’ve been studying.”

-Filch glares, “mark my works Irwin, i will catch you next time.”

-as soon as Filch is gone you turn to Ashton and he’s just like “so what are you studying anyways?”

-you give him the book to look at and his eyes skim over it, he notices you looking at him and he grins, “i enchanted one of his dust pans to not be able to pick up dust.” Ashton explains, “thats why he’s mad.”

-Ashton hands you the book back and stands, “anyways, thanks for the save, see you around.”

-you watch him go and are still kinda flustered, i mean, he just coerced you into helping him get away with Mischief. now you know why Calum is always covering for Ashton

-your day continues and when its over you head to the Hufflepuff common room, Cal is there and grins when he sees you “there you are! hows it feel being bad?” he teases

-you get a little flustered, “i’m not bad-”

-”Ash says otherwise.” Cal grins

-your heart is pounding like out of your chest, “what did he say?” you squeak

-”aw, nothing bad, i’m just playing.” Cal assures you, “Ash just said you looked really cute all flustered and lying to Filch.”

-Ashton fucking Irwin called you cute?

-yeah, your little Hufflepuff heart can’t handle it

-”don’t tell Ash i told you though.” Calum says

-”i wont.” you say before scurrying away

-not being able to sleep that night because wtf, Ashton thinks you’re cute

-going for breakfast the next morning and Cal sits down next to you, you’re shocked when Ashton sits down across from you

-like Ash has sat at the Hufflepuff table before with Cal, usually their group sits either at Slytherin or Hufflepuff (never Gryffindor) and usually when he sits at the Hufflepuff table all the girls swoon around the group of gorgeous guys

-and now he’s sitting across from you

-”up for another adventure?” Ash grins at you

-”we can’t drag her into this again Ash.” Cal sighs, “she’s too innocent.”

-”i bet she has a dirty side, don’t you Y/N?” Ashton grins at you

-you die inside because how the fuck is this even happening

-”stop picking on Hufflepuffs.” Slytherin!Michael says as he sits down next to Ashton, “you’re going to give one of these girls a fucking heart attack some day.”

-Ashton rolls his eyes but is just like, “so, Ravenclaw vs Slytherin Quidditch match this weekend, you guys coming?”

-and its an odd question, because of course Michael is going (he’s the announcer) and Calum always goes… so the question is more directed towards you? but he’s trying to be nonchalant about it?

-of course his friends don’t play along because they both turn to look at you

-”i think i have school work-” you begin to say

-Ashton laughs, “wow, okay, didn’t realize Hufflepuffs could be so harsh.”

-you try to fix your mistake but they all are laughing

-”she would rather do homework than watch you play mate, that’s sad.” Michael is giggling

-they change the topic and conversation continues, it’s mostly them talking to each other about stuff that they’ve done, Ashton explains the incident the day before, it’s just good conversation and then the breakfast is done and you all get up to head to class

-”hey, Y/N, wait up.” Ashton says, catching up to you, “we have class together.” he states

-you know that but you had no idea he’s even noticed that this is one of the classes you share, he usually sits in the back with the other Slytherins while you’re somewhere in the middle with the Hufflepuffs

-”what can i do to convince you to come to the game?” Ashton says as the two of you walk to class

-”i’m really sorry if it seemed like i don’t think its interesting to watch you play-” you begin to apologize again

-Ashton waves his hand, “don’t worry about it, what will make you come?”

-”i’m sure you have enough Hufflepuff fans coming already-”

-”so? i want you there.” he states.

-wow, he is going for it. you’ve never had a Slytherin chase after you before but now the stories about Slytherins who are ambitious and do whatever they can to get what they want are true

-”i guess i can make time-” you sigh

-”great.” he grins as the two of you enter class

-you’re about to go to your regular seat but Ash grabs your hand, “nah, you’re sitting with me today.”

-and he leads you to the general Slytherin area while they all stare at you and your Hufflepuff friends watch with big eyes

-it’s the back corner of the class

-everyone knows Ashton always sits in the back corner because he usually slacks off in class or sleeps (word is that he has a different girl every night and thats why he never gets any sleep but you are really starting to doubt that rumour)

-so you follow him to the back of the class, “i’m not taking someone else’s seat am i?” you ask awkwardly

-”Luke usually sits here but he’s sick today.” Ashton answers

-so Ashton has always been flirty with Hufflepuffs, hell he has a whole Hufflepuff fan club of girls who love him, but he never really sits with any of them except Calum

-and yet there you are

-you see girls from his fan club looking at you

-and of course the Slytherin girls are giving you the evil eye as well because Ashton is big news

-you’re trying to pay attention to the teacher and Ashton is kinda just sitting there looking bored

-he tries to talk to you a few times but you make it really obvious that you have to pay attention

-”Classic Hufflepuff.”

-finally you’re just like “yes Ashton, i am Hufflepuff, i pay attention in class and i don’t break the rules, i like getting school work done and yes, if that means missing a Quidditch game, then i do, now if you would please stop distracting me.”

-his eyes kinda widen and he laughs a little but leans back in his chair and doesn’t say anything for the rest of class

-you can’t believe you snapped at him?

-is his Slytherin-ness rubbing off on you already?

-lied to Filch and now you’re snapping at people?

-class ends and you immediately turn to apologize to Ashton and he just laughs, “stop apologizing so much, you’re right. you are a Hufflepuff and i need to respect that.”

-”you’re not mad at me?” you ask nervously as the two of you leave the class

-he shakes his head, “no, besides,” he does that super sweet thing were the guy kinda grabs your cheek you know? “you’re cute when your angry.”

-and then he’s turning and going to his class and you’re standing there shooketh

-classes continue and your last class is also with Ashton, you enter the room and he’s already in the back so you take your seat in the middle

-you’re surprised when someone sits next to you and you turn to see Ashton, he doesn’t look at you though, just looks towards the board where the homework is written down and he begins to scribble it onto a piece of paper

-”what are you doing?” you ask

-”i’m writing down the homework.” he answers

-before you can say anything else, class starts.

-he doesn’t interrupt you at all. in fact, he actually is taking notes and being a good student?

-more shook

-class ends and Ashton turns to you, “i’m thirsty.” he states, “are you thirsty?”

-being kinda confused for a moment because Slytherin’s have been known to say kinda odd shit that is secretly sexual or sometimes talk in weird code and thirsty might mean dtf but you don’t know

-Ashton can see that you’re trying to figure out what he’s saying

-”by thirsty i mean actually thirsty, like, do you want to go get a Butterbeer?” he clarifies

-”um yeah, sure.” you say, laughing that he needed to clarify the whole thing

-so the two of you begin to walk down to the Three Broomsticks

-he tells you about this new secret passage he found and how it makes it easier to get to some classes, he talks about Quidditch for a bit, he talks about Michael almost getting caught in a prank the other day and how he had to step in and protect him because Slytherin’s are loyal

-”i honestly didn’t expect you to help me out with Filch.” he states, “lying out of loyalty is more of a Slytherin thing so i didn’t expect you to lie for me. but you did. and i wanted to say thanks again. i appreciate it.”

-”no problem, it was just a little white lie.” you grin

-continuing to talk until you get drinks then just hanging out and having a good time, walking back to the school and Ashton drops you off at your common room, saying hi to Cal as you get eye-murdered by some Hufflepuff girls, then he leaves

-”so you and Ashton.” Cal grins

-practically dying on Calum’s shoulder because you’re finally able to let out all your anxiety and be super wtf about your whole day being insane

-”not going to lie Y/N, always thought you’d end up with a Hufflepuff but Ashton’s a nice guy, for a Slytherin.” Calum shrugs

-the week continues and Ashton sits with you in all the classes you have together, something Luke was not a fan of when he came back from being sick

-Luke coming back and realizes Ashton is flirting with a Hufflepuff and suddenly Luke is roasting the shit out of Ashton

-”so you and a puff?” Luke grins, “never saw that coming.”

-”i’m not surprised,” Michael laughs, “Ash and Cal have been practically married for years.”

-”it’s not Ashton’s fault he has a soft spot for Hufflepuffs.” Cal shrugs

-so it’s game day and at breakfast you’re sitting with all four of them, something thats become almost normal for the five of you

-Ash has to leave early for warm up but before he goes he turns to you, “here, a final incentive for you to come to the game.” he states, wrapping his green scarf around your neck

-”great, now you’re guilt tripping the poor Puff.” Luke laughs

-Ashton rolls his eyes and leaves

-you are wearing Ashton fucking Irwin’s green scarf

-it dawns on you after a little while that usually only girlfriends wear scarves

-the looks of jealousy from other girls are insane

-going to the game and Ashton is fucking gorgeous as a beater, lets be serious

-Slytherin wins and the four of you go down to the pitch to congratulate Ashton  

-as you go in for a hug he grabs your face and kisses you while his friends all whistle

-pulling away a flustered mess because holy shit

-he just thinks you’re the cutest fucking thing all flustered

-he just loves seeing you flustered

-no other house gets as flustered as Hufflepuffs do and you are the cutest flustered little Puff he’s ever seen

-he’s always felt protective of Hufflepuffs but with you it was almost instant, from the first time he saw the look of panic when you realized you had to lie to save him from Filch, but then you had?

-yeah he’d known it since that moment that the only Slytherin he ever wanted corrupting you, was him

-”you’re so cute.” he says, looking down at you as you attempt to hide your flustered Hufflepuff self against his chest

-”sorry i’m so flustered.” you laugh

-he lets out the cutest giggle and is just like “you’re perfect.”

-and thus begins the relationship

-this was such a long build up i am so sorry. wanted that semi-slow burn for this one because this is such a cute pairing

-and Hufflepuffs be flustered ya’ll

-after that you two are practically a couple

-it’s not official

-but like, you go on super cute dates where his one goal is to make you smile so much your face hurts, and get so flustered you have to hide against his chest, he loves that

-lots of hugs

-he’s such a softy for you

-and he’s loyal as fuck. so like. he doesn’t even look at other girls anymore

-and people are shook

-little corruptions

-like him showing you a secret passage to get to class early

-but of course this boy would rather make out with you in said secret passage, so actually arriving to class slightly late

-you getting all flustered because you’re late and he just giggles at how cute you are

-secret passages definitely being a thing for you two

-because the fact that the two of you probably shouldn’t be in the secret passage gets your heart racing even more than the gorgeous boy kissing you, so together? your heart is practically leaping out of your chest

-Ashton has been best friends with Hufflepuff!Cal for ages so he’s already welcome in the Hufflepuff common room and he knows his way around so people seeing him there isn’t an odd thing

-but it still gets your heart racing to try to sneak him up to your room

-he’s so chill with it and laughs at how sneaky you try to be about it

-he just thinks everything you do is adorable

-the first time you have sex being super sweet and loving because you’re his soft Hufflepuff and he doesn’t want to hurt or damage you

-but after the first time? if you have a kinky side he almost has a heart attack

-His sweet Hufflepuff? has a kinky side? oof

-he’d find it so fucking hot

-like Jesus Christ, seeing his normally innocent Puff get wild would definitely do things to this boy

-but you only get freaky in the bedroom

-so like, if you’re in class and he even puts his hand on your upper thigh you get all flustered and cute again and it makes him laugh

-its his little secret that you’re secretly wild behind closed doors

-he would feel so fucking honoured about that too

-he’s just so soft on you

-lots of face kissing because it makes you laugh

-yeah, your smile is his top priority

-and if anyone messes with you, Ashton will fuck them up

-wearing his scarf to games

-never missing a game after the first kiss because you’re his good luck charm

-he knows you so well

-this soft Slytherin just wants some cuddles

-so at first you had a good influence on him and paying attention in class but after a while he gets too distracted by you and likes playing with your hair instead

-and you can never study with this boy because studying always leads to sex

-Ashton coming to a study sesh to see the other guys there too and he whines because it’s obviously a tactic to get him to actually study and not just jump your bones

-and they all know it too

-Cal and Michael always groaning about the two of you because they both have to hear it about it all the time

-Luke living in a nice bliss where he gets to see the two of you being cute but thats it

-Ashton trying to teach you to be meaner to people and not apologize so much

-”and then you say ‘fuck you.’” “Ash i really don’t want to-” “come on Princess, repeat after me… ‘fuck you.’” “fuck-Ash is this really necessary? what if i just say ‘you’re mean’ that will get them for sure.”

-so much laughing because you’re such a sweetie

-the first time he hears you swear at someone his heart actually stops and he takes you to celebrate in a secret passage way ;)

-okay so this is 3000 words and i have to stop because wtf, this pairing though is just so fucking cute wtf

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I LOVE YOKAI WATCH SO MUCH

All these monsters are just so soft and the music is great and there's so much craftsmanship put into the environments i keep finding new tiny lil secret animations for stuff?? Like when you go into houses you take off or put on your shoes, when you cross the street you press the button on the traffic lights, when you run and stop real fast you do a slide, YOU CAN RUN UP AND SLIDE DOWN ACTUAL SLIDES, you can sneak behind houses to find secret routes and crawl underneath stuff cos youre short, when yoy run too much ypu get winded for a few seconds, and ONLY JUST NOW i discovered you can use all the equipment in the school's outdoor gym field by walking up against it, and theres several shortcuts because of this! You can climb up the rope strengtg test thingie and then POLE VAULT OVER THE WALL holy shit this kid is hella reckless but i appeciate cutting a good two minutes off my commute across the town.

And can i say that the idea of an open world town game is really really fuckin good?? Its just like all those open world explorations except its in an urban area instead. Like this town is HUGE! And theres so many hidden areas in alleyways behind houses and roads under roads and stuff. Lots of places where they placed a treasure chest in just the right spot to say "hey this area is reachable!" and then yoy have such a great time figuring out how! And so much is already open just at the start of the game, ive got totally sucked into this!! I've already found a few places thatre clearly intended for later in the game but they open up JUST enough early on for you to get a taste and feel hyped to come back later!! There's a sewer dungeon and a mine tunnel dungeon that you can just get one floor into and see hints of where theres treasure chests or boss enemies you'll someday be able to reach! And aaaa ive had this delay in the lp's progress cos i got so sucked into finding all the yokai currently available. Thats the BEST part of the open world town stuff! You dont just find monsters as random encounters or in special supernatural areas, the whole damn slogan of the thing is Yokai Are Everywhere! You're encouraged to search under vending machines, cars, windowsills, plantpots, flowerbeds, trees, lakes, sewers, trash cans and goddamn everything!!! All the actual town stuff in the town is a monster spawning spot, and the randomized nature of it means theres always a reason to run around town even if youve already been somewhere. There's always only (for example) three or four trashcans around the town that have Dimmy, out of like 15. And you have a radar system to track them down so its super fun! And then theres some rare spots which are kinda frustrating, like hungramps only in the cardboard box in one alleyway and pupsicle only in one of tge many ponds which honestly doesnt make sense. That one took the longest to grind! Oh and there's the weirdness of Slush's recolour Droplet which is THE SAME COLOUR except slightly darker! Its only rare cos you dont notice when you got one, lol. Apparantly it has an even rarer version but that one's bright red, thankfully! Cant get that one yet tho, otherwise id keep grinding for even more hours lollll

Aaaa my heart just feels so full when i play this game! It really captures the fun of exploring new places as a kid! Sucks that im not allowed to run arpund collecting cute snails now i'm an adult, but this captures the feeling of it more than pokemon does. Its possibly the reason why pokemon go was so monumentally popular? But i think this captures the feeling of more interactively SEARCHING for your monsters while also having the actual substance to back it up and keep you playing. Also it has such loving replication of childhood! I already mentioned the cute animations giving personality to your kid, but there's also the little touch that currency is in kiddy bucks. I.e. you gain smaller amounts of pennies from all money sources, and working up to £5 feels like 4000g in other games. Tho ive actually been grinding so long that i have £400 now! Im spending it on food to give all my monster friends!!! THEY ALL HAVE FAVOURITE FOODS AAA IM FEEDING A SENTIENT WALL A POT NOODLE one of the monsters is a fake wall with legs yo these designs are SO cute! Bit of a missed opportunity tho that its just a random find in grassy areas when it could have been its own minigame maybe? Like, test how well youre memorizing this giant map by having one out of place wall appear somewhere and you need to find it. There's a hide and seek minigame in every game this company's ever made so i'll be sad if there's not one here!

Aaaanyway the wall is the last yokai i need to grind for and then FINALLY i will resume the goddamn tutorial and get past the first story event, lol. Really i feel like they shouldnt have opened up the world so much so early, ive got sooooo sidetracked by joy~!

The lil wall guy is named Noway aaa i love them...

Oh oh oh and ive accidentally got attatched tp some yokai i didnt really like the designs of, cos the way they play in battle is so creative and useful! Currently my big pal is Leadoni ("lead-on" + oni aka goblin). Theyre a weird kinda mehh design thats a neat concept but the execution is weird. Cos their supernatural power is making you get lost, they have one giant hand doing a beckoning gesture, and one tiny one waving a little flag. But what makes the design meh to me is that otherwise the design is just 100% a generic cutesy oni like in any other game. So it looks kinda extra gross to have a massive muscley hand on a tiny child thing. I feel like the more cutesy you make the body the more creepy that hand is, lol! But its really useful in battle cos it leads enemies astray too, it takes attacks that were originally targeting its teammates. Thats just so kind!!! So i feel bad that i named mine Doomfist and Foomdist XD i didnt expect id use them so much! But i like that the game is so good it made me go "aww kind babby" even for the one design that looked legit scary to me. BABBY PROTECTS THEY FAMBLY AAAAA

God i love this game...