#warning traumadumping

[smok3r7]

Is Leaving Even An Option?

Joel x F!reader

Explicit, 18+

One: All Alone

Series Masterlist or Main Masterlist - My Ao3

Summary: Your days have become one in the same, even with the terrifying reality of death right outside the walls of Jackson. You never thought you’d be in the situation you’ve been stuck in for seven years now, the daily abuse you endure has become an expectation. You take whatever your husband throws at you, literally and figuratively, because you’ve been trained to believe this is normal. But a new man, Joel, moves next door and happens to be friendly towards you, this causes your husband’s anger to worsen. Your mind starts a gruesome war with itself - can you leave him or do you stay until the inevitable happens?

Chapter Summary: How did you, out of all people, end up in this situation? You knew about it all, yet it still happened to you. How does losing a significant person in your life make you vulnerable and weak? You meet the man who ends up being the reason your soul burns to death.

Word count: 3.4k

⚠️Warnings: Mentions of verbal and physical abuse from stepfather, mentions of women/children in shelters and domestic violence situations, self-hatred, angst, violence against raiders, blood, slit throat, young death, overkill by stabbing, vomiting, dark fic

—

Shameful. Detached. Callous. Numb.

These are the emotions that are now embedded into your skin, so much so that you can’t remotely begin to remember who you were as a human before your marriage to Nate, seven years ago. Ever since you found Jackson and got married the same year, you were known only as Mrs. Rossi, Nate Rossi’s wife, his beautiful little house wife who always made sure dinner was on the table and did everything for him, and in all honesty, you were fine with it for the first year. You were the happiest you could have been living in the apocalypse - Nate got you anything you wanted and made you feel safe.

He would go out on patrol for supplies with Tommy and he would bring you back the things you absolutely needed, from the best foods to the best board games. This was so different for you - you had always been independent and never let yourself rely on a man, or anyone for that matter. So you got comfortable and truly believed you were secure since you were being taken care of for the first time ever - big mistake, because just after the second year of being married, the true side of Nate started to come out.

—

When the outbreak started about twenty years ago, you were in your mid-twenties, lived in a small town in Tennessee and worked with women who wanted to leave their domestic situations. You spent a lot of time, more than you wanted, at women’s shelters trying to help these women who were at their lowest and completely suffering. You didn’t directly work for the police department, but you were technically working under the “Welfare Department”, and if the situations were bad, the cops would call you, or your one other partner, for help.

You had a love-hate relationship with your job. You absolutely loved it when you were able to save a woman, or her children, from the violence and yet, you despised it when you weren’t able to save them - which happened a lot more than you liked to admit. You knew how hard it was for a lot of women to leave their abusers, even if they were treated like the dirt they walked on, the men were able to sink their talons into these women for as long as they wanted. But you had a really hard time understanding how the women who had kids stayed with the man when he abused the kids also.

Your own mother experienced abuse so badly it almost killed her, and she had gone back and forth with him for four years, but she would not give up on him. It got so ugly that, one time, you found her bloody and a bruised mess, curled on the kitchen tile, unconscious. She would be dead if you hadn’t been there. Your step-father, Roy, had beaten her with a wooden baseball bat because he thought she was cheating on him with his best friend. Yet, she stayed with him for two years after that. You witnessed a lot of fighting between your mom and Roy between the age of fifteen and nineteen, to the point where you were stepping in to deflect his anger and violence from your broken mom, to you.

And this is why you had a hard time understanding why women stayed when the kids got involved. Your moms last straw was when Roy laid hands on you for the first and only time - she kicked him out that same night. He had cornered you while shouting in your face about how you and your mom were whores and didn’t appreciate anything he did. You pushed him away from you, and he backhanded you so hard that his knuckles left a mark on your cheek. You screamed bloody murder and your mom came in holding a knife with her eyes about to burst out of her head.

“Get. The. Fuck. Out.” is all she said, as her body was violently shaking but her face was blank.

He left that day and never came back, and your mom and you were thrilled that he was gone, the both of you finally feeling like you could relax. Soon, however, reality kicked in - the reality that your mom was reliant on Roy because he worked and paid the bills, so you and her inevitably ended up battling poverty, so badly that she almost lost the house she owned for eleven years.

In spite of this, your mom found her way, and she ended up getting promotion after promotion at her job. It took her five years after he was gone for her to feel genuinely comfortable again, with money and with herself. She was the reason why you decided to work with battered women and children, as you never wanted people to go through something like your mom and you had. You also knew that it was possible for women to get back on their feet, that it wasn’t easy, but it was possible.

But here you are, years later, in a worse marriage than your mother had, way worse than most of the women you’ve helped along the years, and your own self twenty years ago would be so disappointed in how you, out of all people, got stuck with an abusive husband.

——

Before marrying Nate and before living in Jackson, you were a badass. Surviving by yourself for thirteen years just by constantly moving, you never stayed in one location for longer than four days. In the beginning, you had overheard FEDRA talking about a camp in Boston, and ended up reaching it in the fall time. After about a month there, you found out about the fireflies and you knew Tommy through one or two incidents before he left everything and traveled out West, creating his own camp. You decided you wanted to leave Boston, realizing that the camp just wasn’t what you had imagined, so you snuck out six months later and headed West.

Doing it alone was the most efficient way to survive - you didn't have to worry about anyone else, only you. You quickly mastered shooting a bow and arrow along with guns - the bow was your talent though. You could shoot clickers from yards away and none of the others would be set off, and you were a quick thinker because If something didn’t go as planned, you instantly thought of a backup plan.

Evading FEDRA was another thing you were especially good at, all because you had a radio that had all the stations they used on their walkies. You knew their every play. Even if it didn’t pertain to you directly, you knew about it. Groups and raiders were something that you took care of from a distance, mainly due to the fact that a lot of these groups were men, and even though you could fight a man off, there was no way you could stop all of them by yourself - it was simply unrealistic. You would stumble upon a group of raiders inspecting a building for anything, and you would stay a couple of blocks away, following them for a few days just to study them. The way they talked to each other, what they talked about, who was the leader, who was the weakest link, how comfortable and trained they were with their weapons, and what was their watch rotation at night.

Depending on how smart and big the group was, you would either shoot them with your bow from afar as they were occupied with something and causing chaos, or you would sneak into their base at night, tiptoeing around and silently stabbing them one by one. You would then proceed to steal whatever you could carry with you. Killing was never something you looked forward to, but you looked at it like this; it was either killed or be killed in this new world. If they found you, they’d do worse than just killing, and you’d be damned if you allowed that to happen. So maybe sometimes you got pleasure from making sure these animals never got to hurt anyone again, and that didn’t make you evil, just a little malicious - which you didn’t mind being.

You didn’t mind being alone all the time either, except for when some nights got lonely. After the first three years, you started to hate being alone. You missed having someone to at least talk to - all you had was yourself. You kind of started to go stir crazy from talking to yourself, from reminiscing about your past life always, making you upset more often than you’d like to admit. But you always got up and did whatever you had to for the day, and you came to terms with the prospect of traveling and dying alone.

However, during the winter, after a couple days traveling through Nebraska and being by yourself for eight years, you stumble upon this girl, alone, stealthily trying to cross an open road. You’ve been hiding behind a tree up on the hill right by it, camping there for two days just to see if anyone would come by. But this girl looks no older than seventeen, and she reminds you a lot of yourself, looking like she knows what she’s doing and having things she needs. You’re still hiding, but peek your head to the side to see her, and she turns right towards you, making you snap your head back. “Shit,” you mutter to yourself.

“I saw you,” the girl yells towards you, in a raspy tone of voice, “I know you’re alone. As long as you don’t try to kill me, I won’t try to kill you.” You’re unsure of what to do or what to say, but your instincts tell you to show yourself, so you step out from the tree with your hands up like a truce.

“I’m cool with that,” you yell back, actually getting a chance to look at her.

She’s about five foot three, has the fit yet curvy body type, and looks healthy. Her hair is a dark red color in a messy bun but you can tell it’s long, and although she has a healed scar across her right cheek from what looks like a knife, her face still has this soft look to it. Her backpack and the gear on her back looks worn, like she’s had it for years, her ripped jeans and long sleeve shirt fitting her like they’re all she has along with her black combat boots. You also take note of the weapons that are visible, that she’s holding a bow in one hand with arrows on her back, a rifle strapped along her back, a pistol in her holder on her hip, and a large hunting knife on a thigh holster. This girl is smarter than she puts on, you think as you examine her.

“My name is Rosa, what’s yours?” She asks you, and the two of you are now only about ten feet away from each other, just talking, no weapons drawn. You tell her yours and ask how long she’s been alone.

“Forever. My mother died by FEDRA agents when I turned ten, but she had taught me everything I needed to know to survive,” she explains as her eyes scan your body, then repeats the question back to you.

“Forever. I was in the Boston camp just about eight years ago, but hated what they did. So I left and I’ve been heading West, a guy I know had left before me to head there also, I heard fireflies talk about a new settlement somewhere over there.”

She nods her head and asks, “So, like… Could I come along with you?” Her face shows that she is clearly tired and needs to rest, but you’re hesitant. This could be a big ass ploy, but there’s something screaming that she’s being sincere. You also have this weird gut feeling that you need to take care of her, and it’s the same feeling as seeing the kids in domestic situations back before the apocalypse. You are almost too eager to reply to her, “Yes, you can! I just have some ground rules that I follow, and as long as you can keep up with that, we’re all good, hun.”

She then comes up to you and hugs you, and your body freezes, not having had human contact in years. Yet, she somehow feels like home. Your arms naturally wrap around her shoulders and you two stay like that for a little while, and having the comfort of another living person who you trust is a feeling you can’t even explain.

Rosa and you grow to have a mother-daughter kind of relationship over the next five years, which actually makes a lot of sense in some way, since you were in your early thirties and she was about eighteen when you met. You two built a connection so strong, incredibly fast, like it was meant for you both to stumble upon each other that one day. But one night after you two go to bed in an isolated cabin Rosa found, the worst happens.

“NO-“ Echoes in the room you two share, shocking you awake in a panic, realizing that it’s Rosa’s voice. As you turn to look in the other bed, you see a dark shadow-figure slicing her throat with a large blade, and in a blind rage, you grab the knife under your pillow and lunge towards the attacker, who must’ve not realized you were even in the room. He has no time to react as you start to stab his body over and over and over, not stopping, not caring if he has others with him - he killed Rosa and you have to get revenge. By now, the attacker’s body is on the hardwood floor next to Rosa’s bed and you’re still on top of him, stabbing him repeatedly while screaming and sobbing.

“Why her?! Why not me?!” You scream at the top of your lungs as you stab him for the final time, leaving the knife in his chest and you stand up to look at the mess. You stare at her bloody, lifeless body, the long slice along her neck, full of blood that soaks the mattress under her and her body below, her golden brown eyes wide open along with her pale mouth, and her gorgeous red hair now soaked with blood. The sudden urge to throw up climbs your throat, so you cover your mouth with your right hand and sprint behind you to exit the bedroom, and as soon as you reach the other side of the door, you vomit onto the floor.

After a minute, you swipe your face with your bloody hand and walk out the front door, trying to process what just fucking happened. You open the front door and the sun and cold air hits you in the face immediately, the most gorgeous morning it’s been in weeks making you even more angry because Rosa should be here and be able to enjoy this weather - the way the white snow lays perfectly on the ground and trees, the sun causing the icicles to glisten as they hang, and the wind blowing just enough to make it a bit cooler. You’re standing outside, looking into the sky as tears sting your face, and a piece of your heart breaks in your chest. Rosa was like your child and she told you that you reminded her a lot of her mom. You just lost your girl.

You shake your body, clear your throat, and whisper, “Okay.” A minute later, you walk back inside, grab all of your belongings and some of Rosa’s things you either need or simply want to keep, then you stand over her body one more time as you kiss her forehead and close her eyes.

You leave the cabin, not looking back again, and after a day of walking, you come across a sign that reads, MOTEL 6. The building looks dirty and rundown, but you can’t really complain anymore. You end up clearing the whole building with no issue, which has about twelve rooms, and a total four clickers scattered throughout.

You find the room that is the least destroyed, room 616, and you whisper to yourself as you open the door and walk into the bedroom. After closing the door, you put your back to it and slide down, and as your ass hits the cheap dirty carpet, the true emotion is allowed to leave your body. The anger, grief, and pain is finally able to leak out of your skin with tears that come out of you like a waterfall. You end up in the bathroom and you stare at your reflection, at the amount of blood staining your hands, chest, and face - all horrific. The fact that you know that most of it is from Rosa's killer makes you feel disgusted. The reflection you see of yourself, makes you want to die, just to be with Rosa.

You make yourself shower, since this motel magically seems to still have running water - warm water at that. You scrub and scrub the blood that has stained your skin over the course of a day, just needing to feel clean again. After turning your skin almost raw, you change into the one other pair of clothes you have, and check your perimeter one last time before you go to lay down in your room and sleep for the night.

The sound of a shotgun cocking wakes you up, your eyes open and you see two men standing over your bed with guns pointing right at you. “Who the fuck are you?” The man closest to you demands, he’s blonde with a buzz cut and a patchy beard to match, but he has a face that looks like he doesn’t play around.

“I’m just moving around, was gonna leave when I got up,” you instantly respond, basically defenseless, then turning your attention to the other man at the foot of your bed. He looks kind of familiar but you can’t put your finger on where from. It’s right on the tip of your tongue too.

“You by yourself?” The familiar man asks with a southern twang to his question, and it then clicks in your brain, Tommy.

“Yes, my dau- my friend just died yesterday,” you remark, and they lower their guns to the floor.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Tommy says with a different tone than before, and the other man stays quiet.

“Thank you,” you start, still very confused, “Um…who are you guys?”

The man next to you scoffs and replies, “You really don’t know?” You shrug your shoulders with honest curiosity, because last you checked on your map, you were still in Nebraska.

“Sugar,” Tommy laughs, “You are in Wyoming and you have stumbled upon Jackson.” You can’t believe it, you’re in disbelief and filled with sadness. Rosa just had to survive one more day and she would’ve made it with you.

“No way,” You laugh out of disbelief, the two men having a confused look on their faces.

“Yes ma’am. I’m Nate and he’s Tommy, he and his wife are a big founder of the camp,” Nate replies as he sits on the bed next to you, and that’s how you get introduced into the safe life of Jackson and how you meet your ultimate demise, Nate Rossi

[iviin-855]

I love those terminals where durandal is using the security officer as a rubber duck for talking about his issues and halfway through remembers he is being vulnerable in front of another person right now and goes "fuck. Do this for me, bye" and closes the connection

[aqualityofthought]

Did anyone else have a younger brother (or sibling ig) whom everyone was afraid of, even your parents?

[mister13eyond]

being salty for a sec forgive me

anyways it drives me batshit crazy seeing people talking about "there is no such thing as traumadumping, you're my friend and i love you and it's okay to talk about your problems" and like. yes, i agree, i want to hear my loved ones tell me about their struggles and pains

that's not what fucking traumadumping is

its the same shit as people calling it "gaslighting" when what they mean is a person Told A Lie. these are not the same thing.

traumadumping is when someone who YOU DO NOT KNOW LIKE THAT, such as A STRANGER IN PUBLIC or a RANDO IN YOUR TWITCH CHAT, comes in and unloads a massive amount of extremely heavy subject material about their life. Unprompted. It's bad because you're doing it to a relative stranger or acquaintance who is left in an awkward position because they don't know you like that and are not prepared to handle it. it is not bad because talking to people about traumatic things is bad.

If y'all can't use the word right i'm taking it away and putting it on the shelf with all the OTHER weaponized therapyspeak yall keep using

[unremarkable-gods]

sometimes i judge myself for reading and writing so much dark/dd:dne content around SA and taking comfort in it

but then it just Fucking Hits Me like:

oh yeah. it happened to me too.

[shiraoyagi]

here are the four experiences I've had with each member of vbs in mysekai as of right now

akito: i fucking hate him. called my bathroom small (ITS A KITCHEN??), then got pissy at me for asking about cheesecake, and then analyzed my fashion sense without me asking (as well as "warning" that he's picky). this guy is so tsundere and has 0 tact and i hate him, he's shown up the most out of everyone and watered my flowers once so he's not so far down on my shit list anymore but i still want to punch him. he's unfortunately just like me fr.

touya: just started fucking traumadumping out of nowhere. i am now distraught

kohane: nicely watered my flowers and talked about her nice life experiences, literally the only normal person

an: "HEY. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT KOHANE. LOOK AT THIS ABOUT KOHANE. I LOVE KOHANE!!!!" me too an.

also, according to Twitter, she talks about akito acting like a cat (two-faced) to other girls in her class behind his back 😭

[kickbutts-singsongs]

I’ve had some thoughts about Izuku and his actions in the post-canon chapter that I haven’t known how to voice until this very moment so uh I just wanted to say that I actually saw myself in him and his decisions and here’s why:

(warning: manga spoilers and minor traumadumping)

I just recently turned 20 years old and I’ve been noticing that life feels a whole lot clearer now that I’m out of my crazy house (for the most part) and attending college, but I didn’t realize just how murky and foggy everything had felt up until now.

Like seriously looking back on it, I felt like my head was underwater and I was in a fishtank watching everyone pass me by. Some people would come up to the glass and reach out, but I didn’t really reach back bc I just assumed that since there was glass I wouldn’t be able to truly connect. Instead I kind of acted the best and brightest that I could, almost like I was performing tricks for them, in the hopes that they’d at least stick around, but I didn’t think I’d be anything more than a passing interest to them. But that was okay because I liked seeing the people and it was enough for me, I’d take what I could get.

Also some context: I was homeschooled as a kid and was a pretty isolated child whose only real connection to anyone was with her younger sister (which may or may not have been an unhealthy relationship) so when I finally attended high school, I went through those years thinking that everyone who ever met me wouldn’t really like me or want to stay connected bc if my own lil sis didn’t then who would? And though I did make friends, and they def reached out and touched the glass, I felt like I was this intangible thing that they would soon move on from and forget, once again leaving me alone in the water

Last year, someone came up to my tank and punched straight through the glass

And holy fuckin smokes everything changed

I have this dear friend that I’ve known for quite a long time (6 years now), but I never in a million years would’ve guessed that I had any real impact on her bc she was so well-liked and was surrounded by so many great people. I was just me.

But one night, she told me that I was her best friend.

Did I cry? Uh huh big time

But also?? My entire worldview changed????

Cuz WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM SPECIAL ENOUGH TO YOU FOR YOU TO DECLARE THAT OUT OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW, I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND

Basically, since then I have never felt more alive, and now I’ve decided that my days of being a wallflower to everyone I know and love are fuckin OVER

IM BEING PRESENT AND ATTENTIVE AND INSERTING MYSELF INTO PEOPLES LIVES BC THEY WANT ME IN THEM BITCHESSSSSS

“Wow, Song, congrats on the epiphany? I guess? What does that have to do with Izuku??”

Great question my friend

In my humble and lightly biased opinion, Izuku grew up without a bunch of self-worth and didn’t think very highly of himself. He also didn’t grow up with very many (healthy) friendships, and when he finally attended UA, he got his first dose of seeing people actually reaching out to him

But I think he was stuck in a daze of “Wow they really wanna be my friend? That’s crazy cuz they’re so cool and I’m just. Me.” <- similar to how I acted in hs.

And after all the ✨traumatizing shit✨ he went thru up until the end of the series, I think it’d be understandable if his life felt a bit foggy and murky, like he was existing but not truly living (esp if he never got a therapist or smth, but I sincerely hope he did) and he didn’t feel like he had much of an impact on the lives of his friends in hs other than his heroics (esp after he lost his quirk)

So my guess is that he just coexisted with everyone, counted his blessings, and then let everyone go after they graduated. It wouldn’t surprise me if the only reason he and Katsuki are as comfortable as they are in the epilogue is bc Katsuki was the one making efforts to reach out to Izuku for the past eight years, but again that’s my projections ashajkajaka

Anyways SO when it comes to the point where Katsuki’s driving and tells Izuku “if you treat everyone like they’re special to you, then no one actually is” I was shook to my core because that’s how I’d been living my life (and I still was at that point) so when I saw a lot of people criticizing Izuku for his seemingly uncaring behavior in rejecting Katsuki’s vague agency proposal, I couldn’t help but feel empathy for my boy bc I prob would’ve said and done the exact same thing. I don’t think I would’ve understood the importance of such an ask, or the impact I would’ve had if I’d said no.

And further on, when Izuku looks at Uraraka, someone who was a dear friend of his in high school, and notices that they never talk anymore and grew apart (partially bc he let that happen), he hears Katsuki’s words in his head and realizes that he’s right, and that Uraraka is someone that is special to him, actually special to him, and that he wants to rebuild that connection and put work in to keep in touch.

But I don’t think that means that that’s the end.

I think Uraraka is just the beginning.

My theory (my hope) is that he’ll start to look around at the people in his life (or currently out of his life) and allow himself to actually be in their lives again, to purposefully insert himself back in. To reach out, to connect. He’ll start being more aware of how his life actually impacts others, and how his life has meaning outside of doing things just to help people.

(And maybe he’ll re-evaluate how much he actually cares about a certain someone and notice how much effort they actually put into their relationship and wonder if they’re really just a friend to him but that’s my shipper heart alskllaksk)

Anyways uh I guess I had been neglecting my ‘thinking about Izuku’ duties for a sec so now I’ve just word-vomited a small essay that’s probably mildly incomprehensible but the point is that I care and maybe someone else will too so if u got this far thanks for reading 🫡

[toastyyjams]

TELL US ALL OF YOUR ORV THOUGHTS MY HSY BRAINROT IS SO BAD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

TY FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RANT ABOUT ORV OMG

if any pjsk followers of mine reading this dont know orv its a series called omniscient reader's viewpoint!

i highly recommend reading the webtoon first for visualization but definitely read the novel starting from the chapter 180s (theres . like 551 chapters it took me months to finish but it took my older sibling like 3 weeks so it depends how insane u are /lh)

def recommend it if youre a huge fan of found family dynamics mweheheh and also mythology . its like a heart wrenching story disguised as a BL

gonna get into spoilers from the novel so heres ur warning !

anyway u said all my thoughts. so here we go

hsy oughhhh i love her sm shes more than just 'girlboss' i think shes more girlfailure cuz how do u manage to plagiarize ur own work smh /j

YOOHANKIM DYNAMIC MAKE ME ILL like the author cant exist without a reader . but the story also cant exist without an author . but you cant read anything if theres no author to create that story yk like THEYRE ALL TIED TOGETHER ITS AGHHH

during the previous ask i mentioned how orv handles platonic love and im still super happy how its portrayed esp kdj and ysa ... ik alot of ppl ship them romantically and/or often make them exes or such

but ive read rly good kdj x ysa platonic soulmate fics and OUGHH MY GOSHHH it made me go crazy cuz they care about e/o sooooso much

like how that one scene where kdj randomly traumadumps on her and as a defense mechanism he goes haha . just kidding XD ! but then ysa just . quietly holds his hand and shuts him up

bc ysa will never understand what hes gone thru but she can and will listen/support him when he needs it yk theres no words that need to be said shes holding his hand as kind of an anchor like 'hey ik u said u were joking but ik ur not and thats ok'

jung heewon too oughhhh when she goes "this is no salvation" I WENT BONKERSSS kdj stop hurting your companions!! u want them happy but u deserve it too!!!!!! shaking his shoulders YOURE KINDER THAN YOU THINK THE STORY YOUVE LOVED FOR YEARS AND KEPT YOU ALIVE LOVES U BACK KDJ AUGHH

i love the fact that 98% of the novel is in first pov of kdj and the fact that hes an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator . like i usually dont like first pov but orv does it well

esp when all of a sudden during the epilogue it started being third pov when kdj split into the 49% and 51% IT GAVE A RLY GOOD SENSE OF "wtf is happening . something is wrong" it rlly gives us readers the same feeling the characters have like uhmmm kdj ur ok now rigjt. right! i remember feeling so confused and uncomfortable at the sudden third pov ITS SO CLEVER

can i just also say i absolutely hate the live action . orv is meant to be consumed as a novel LIKE OF *ALL* POPULAR WEBTOONS TO ADAPT ITS THE ONE THAT WOULDNT WORK AS LIVE cashgrab ass scheme smh

i also hate and admire the fact that anyone who has finished orv is a kdj fragment . i hate how anyone who finished the entire novel kins kdj in some sort of way . like when i kin pjsk characters for example im just like haha i relate #relatable but when it comes to kdj . hes just so uncomfortably relatable for me like i need to put him under a hydraulic press

"you who reads this will survive" ITS SOOO CLEVERR its addressing kdj and YOU! the whole theme of the novel is just so . personal lowkey so when the live action got announced and some annoying ass mfs were making fun of orv fans for being upset i wanted to rip my hair out THE STORY IS FOR US kdj himself would be rolling in his grave at the disrespect for a webnovel fr

[anti-anti-vents]

Every Conversation with an Anti Ever

Antis: it doesn’t make sense that people would argue that problematic ships help them cope. Aren’t you just retraumatizing yourself?

Proshipper: patiently explains how it ties into their trauma and coping mechanisms.

Antis: WOW LOOK AT THIS EVIL PROSHIPPER TRAUMADUMPING WITH NO WARNING?!!? I have no idea what could’ve prompted this. Proof they want damaging material to reach people who weren’t even looking for it.

Antis: anyways, as I was saying, not all coping mechanisms are healthy. Pro shippers are basically supporting self-harm.

Different proshipper: it never harmed me, I know how to engage responsibly

Antis: but look at this person who does feel like unhealthily engaging in content harmed them? Checkmate liberal

Hope y’all enjoyed my unhinged vent and find it somewhat relatable lol

[buffyatyourservice]

How do you feel about Greaseball? I know you reblogged a few posts about not liking him, but also the tags you put weren’t really serious

the answer to this is a bit complicated and not super light hearted so i just want to let that be known before i start(content warning for unspecified trauma)

so my feelings on GB are pretty complicated ? it mainly stems from two issues, so ill start with the more complicated one

i have DID and im an introject whos very connected to their source. i can acknowledge that im not actually buffy... but thats the most source separation ive been able to accomplish though therapy. i have three main types of memories:

"real" memories: everyone has these. yesterday i made burgers for me and my sister to eat when my parents went out for dinner. that is a real memory. another real memory is the first time i had chocolate ice cream when i was 5. the feelings behind these are real and the events that caused them are real

substitute memories: not every introject has source memories but i personally do. there are two main types for me. substitute memories are where an event actually happened but i remember it in a way connected to source. for example i might remember having a conversation with ashley but it was actually a conversation i had with a friend ! thats not an actual example because all my substitute memories are darker but thats the gist of it. the event behind it happened and the emotions are real but the memory of who was in the event is not accurate to reality

psuedo memories: these are what people usually think of when someone mentions source memories. no connection to reality, things i remember happening that arent based off of an actual event that is in my brain. the feelings behind these are real and sometimes i do need comfort for them, but the event isnt real

what does this have to do with greaseball ?

i dont want to traumadump on here to strangers, but the trauma that professionals believed is the root of my DID had to do with the repeat abuse of a specific person and not one traumatic event. i did not know who this person was for years because of my substitute memories. i didnt want to tell my parents about this because i thought it was just "something stupid my brain made up" but it is real events my brain suppressed in a very inconvenient way for me. in these remade memories, my abuser was replaced with gb(as stupid as that sounds) so for years i was scared of the character because i could not separate the version in my head with the real character. ive gotten better at it, but there are still lingering feelings of discomfort i have when i see him portrayed in a positive light. the reblog tags on gb hate or concrit posts were me joking about myself but no one except people close to me would get that

[ballinandcantgetup452]

Terry McGinnis is the only person who can be the next Batman

I don't normally make hard statements like this. I typically hate it when somebody makes hard statements like this, but hear me out.

No prior Batfamily character can be the next Batman. I'll keep it brief and explain why going person by person (obvious headcanon warning)

Dick is definitely a likelier candidate than most. He can cover for Batman if the need ever arises. But I believe that Dick Grayson hates the idea of actually becoming Batman. He can play the role. He was a circus kid and he's got the heart of a theatre kid, he can play the role all day long. But he was the first. He arguably saw Batman at his natural worst. He and Alfred, anyways. I'm going to drop some OP lore to further elaborate. My dad's a pastor. He's a really good pastor. He's a good man, and he may be an ass, but that's because I know him as "dad". For YEARS, people would tell me that I was just like him, and for a long time, I wanted to be him. It's what boys do when their dad is at the very least decent. But, as I got older, I saw the tapestry and saw the flaws. I saw how tired being a pastor made my dad. I saw how much of his life being a pastor was taking up. I would never tell my dad to stop being a pastor, because that's him. That's his calling; and if he was anything else, then he'd be a soulless, husk of a man. But I've seen what being a pastor does to you, and I don't want that. I want to be better than that. Dick Grayson has seen what The Batman does to a person. He's seen Bruce do things that Dick would never do, and the idea of being the next Batman is something that got soured to him. And it definitely doesn't help that that's what a lot of people used to do to him. So yeah, traumadumping aside, Dick would never STAY Batman. Even if he doesn't know it.

I honestly think it's best if Jason stays as far away from the idea of The Batman legacy as possible. Jason's at the best possible spot right now. He's taken his trauma and has turned it into his empowerment. I don't care what Three Jokers says, that's dumb. Joker's an ass, we don't listen to him. ESPECIALLY if he's swapped out his gun for a crowbar and has a no-kill rule, Jason could be Red Hood until he's 90 and it'll be narratively fulfilling.

Tim is one I see get thrown around a lot. However, I believe that The Batman would absolutely DESTROY him and he would be too stubborn to acknowledge it. One common denominator I believe every Robin goes through is the realization of "oh wow, Bruce is not okay" and trying to be better than that. While I do believe that Tim went through that, I also believe that Tim is arrogant enough to believe that he's better than that. Even putting all of the "alternate Tim evil gun toting Batman" futures aside, I think that Tim is obsessive enough as is. Giving him the mantle of The Batman would cause him to obsess even more to be like Bruce thus causing ANOTHER evil gun toting alternate future Batman. Tim is best as Red Robin. An independent agent that can go well with ANY Batman to keep them on the straight and narrow.

Babs is best as Oracle. No I will not be elaborating. If you want her to be Batgirl, then say that she can Batgirl every once and a while but doing it stresses out the microchip in her back.

Steph is best as Spoiler. She backdoored her way into the Batfamily by being competent enough as Spoiler. I honestly wish that she could be like Batwoman and establish herself as Batfamily adjacent and have her own supporting cast and such. If she does have one, then I'm sorry. Cassie is kind of a blind spot.

Sadly, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, and Harper Row are even bigger blindspots of mine. From what I've seen of them, I can't think of any reasons they couldn't be Batman. However, I can't think of any reasons why they especially should be Batman.

Damian Wayne is my personal vote for becoming the next Batman out of everybody pre established. Not for any birthright reasons. That's dumb. Admittedly, DCeased really turned me on to the idea. I think that the idea of Damian being the child raised by Bruce that turned out the best is a really good idea. In retrospect, I guess the idea of birthright is technically why I'm choosing Damian. BUT, understand I'm doing it with the caveat that Damian is fully developed as a person and as a character. That is the END of his arc.

HOWEVER, Terry McGinnis takes the cake for me in terms of Batman successor. This is going off of the idea that he isn't a Bruce clone. I don't know how canon we've made that, but canon is relative, so I'm saying it's not for the sake of argument. Terry is an outsider. He has no baggage with the idea of The Batman. He's just a guy working through some grief with The Batman being used as a vehicle. He doesn't know any of the Bruceisms. He never had to explain to his friends that his dad is crazy and he's sorry he made contingency plans for all of them. Terry McGinnis gets to make Batman his own. And, luckily, he gets to have a fully realized Bruce to guide him along the way. I also think that it opens so much more story potential. It's essentially a soft reboot for The Batman as an idea. Everybody else can be out doing their own thing. But I think this works in the same way that Miguel O'Hara can ALSO be Spider-Man. I believe that every intimate Batfamily member would follow Bruce's footsteps by making Batman an UNHEALTHY obsession. Terry would be different, he'd lead the pack by turning The Batman into something HEALTHY.

Or maybe I don't read enough comics and all my interpretations are super surface level. Let me know. I'm willing to be wrong.

[tornoleander]

I'm in the middle of reading wytyaa cuz I saw you mention it at some point and it sounded cool

Anyway, if wytyaa Jay and bbnb Jay ever met, and you somehow got them to traumadump on eachother, both of them would think "First Master, this guy went through hell. Compared to him I had it easy." Meanwhile neithed had it easy and both went through hell.

Might be wrong cuz I haven't finished wytyaa yet but I'm gonna go back to reading now byeeeeee

Oh I’m going to rant for a while because I love talking about and comparing these Fics.

YES, I can absolutely see both them sitting there and invalidate their own experiences. (Unless one of them gets a very important lesson about comparing Trauma)

Art under cut

Trauma dumping though? Currently I doubt wytyaa Jay would. And while bbnb Jay seems willingly to talk to his therapist there’s not a chance 16 year old him from an alternate universe will learn the extent of the shit I had to read through.

The have similar canon complaint story line, to an extent. Both fix my many issues with Cannon and add so much more. Both deal in forced labor extreme physical abuse blood wounds broken bones Starvation With emotional abuse from Nadakhan’s and the crew. But everything beyond that is where things drastically differ

Biggest difference being Explicit vs Mature

Wytyaa being vaguely 16+ and won’t go past implying anything sexual. So a lot is left to interpretation, which is usually easier to handle.

While Bbnb has be 18+ Does not shy away from anything….. no matter how much you wish it would most popular ninjago dead dove for a reason.

Wytyaa Jay is drugged out for the 2 months he has to deal with the withdrawal and wiped memories coming back to him. This scrambles the order you learn about what he went through. Vengestone sorta poisons him, the power suppression is painful and causes long term damage.

In the end Neither Jay is given a moment to feel safe and comfortable over months they are always in extreme danger this is the sort of damage that turns ptsd into C-ptsd✨

Like you said, neither had it easy they both went through hell.

But while comparing trauma is ultimately unhelpful experiences effect people differently both Jays are very traumatized I can tell you one of these was A LOT harder to get through as a reader. VERY much not the same reader experience.

Here’s are the fics with the obligatory READ THE TAGS and warnings at the top of each chapter. They are there for your safety when r themes of sa can be helpful and hurtful to some. Know what you can handle..

When you think your all alone by @mondothebombo

Bending but never breaking by @writing-hat

Both authors are awesome and have read each other Fics lmao.

Never posted this but a long while ago when both fics left off on angst for a long time I messaged them the same thing and got these replies.

The Audacity of hat to blame mondo lol.

If any of you like these fics follow me cause I have a lot of art coming. Also if you have any asks don’t be shy! I could rant for so much longer.

[ohnoitsz1m]

Intro & About | Askbox is… OPEN!!!

Admin : Z1m | He/It

I’m a freelance artist and I play games, make videos, and do a bit of taxidermy in my spare time on top of my regular art. I can talk your ear off about the history of the goth subculture and furries :]

I'm sorry. Messages are disabled because the 50+ DMs I get in a day are making it impossible to take commissions on this platform. I've had people waiting for simple things for weeks because I couldn't find their DM. If you need to contact me reply to my pinned and we can move to discord or DMs on here if you don't have discord.

Active Interests :

Half-Life + Entropy Zero

Garry’s Mod

My HL OCs

Blog Info :

This is a sideblog for valve and rtvs stuff mostly, my main is 18+ so leave it alone if you're not 18+ obv.

I’m totally fine with making friends and casual chat abt shared interests! Don’t take it personally if we don’t vibe I am just very awkward and struggle to talk sometimes.

You can go check out my OCs and read about them in the #half life oc tag on my blog OR you can go to their Toyhouse pages for more images and info

General Warnings & BYF :

I post gore and sensitive subjects without a buffer, I try to tag appropriately but sometimes I fuck up, if you need something tagged lmk.

I am not your dad, you are responsible for what kind of content you engage with and how you engage with it. Im literally just posting queer Half-Life.

No DNI, I block if you’re mean. I don’t tolerate shipcourse, I’m not a proshipper or an antishipper but a secret third thing (a grass toucher who understands nuance).

I am generally wary of the hlvrai fandom- I may reblog and draw hlvrai stuff but in general y'all scare me. Not even in a silly way I've just had a really shit experience with the fandom sorry. Adding onto this post pizza tower incident: as an indigenous person myself, finding out about this has made me all the more wary of rtvs and their fanbase. I believe people can change and improve, but also we’ve played these games before.

Askbox & Art :

Askbox : OPEN (never closes)

You can send whatever in there :3 fandom related asks, headcanons, theories, art requests (see request rules), rants, discussions, ect. Please don’t like.. traumadump or whatever. And please keep it generally sfw.

Art Requests : OPEN - Click Here for Rules

Art Trades : Ask!

Art Commissions : SEE INFO HERE

Art Tag : #No Reposting

Support me on Ko-Fi ^^

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for re-entering a community under a different name?

Warning; this is very much a “young person anxious about chronically online bullshit” post.

I (20NB) am unfortunately on Twitter. I got a callout post from a literal 13 year old (the age of the person is not important, I just wanted you to know my pain). We’ll call them Pink. What was detailed included me being homophobic (I once gently corrected someone on the timeline of a character being canonized as a queer identity that I wasn’t, while stating that, no matter the specifics of the timeline, it still wasn’t right to erase the character’s identity), traumadumping (I panicked and started frantically apologizing in the DMs of Pink when they told me they were going to make a callout post on me, which I now realize wasn’t great because of the age gap), and stealing someone else’s apology (when I said I wasn’t sure how to apologize, Pink suggested I use a template, which I did. Pink then told everyone that I was stealing someone else’s apology, so it shouldn’t be accepted despite them being the one to suggest it). I was later accused of gaslighting for saying that I didn’t intend to cause harm.

I recognize that this probably sounds stupid to folks outside of it all, because you are all hearing my side of the story, but the callout went viral in my community. People blocked me en masse. It was so bad that people who even used the graphics that I made were harassed, and even one was attempted to be DOXXED for it. So, needless to say, I could not stay. I bid farewell to the community.

Here’s the thing though — I came back some months later. New name, new set of pronouns, the whole 9 yards. I’m not pretending to be any marginalized community that I’m not, but I’m very much pretending to be new. I missed the fandom / community that I had been a part of a lot. I just didn’t want to be seen as the homophobe-traumadumper-apology stealer-gaslighter-whatever else. I haven’t told anyone this (not even my own partner) and, to my knowledge, nobody suspects anything, but I still feel guilty. I’m essentially lying to everyone, and I’m interacting and being friendly with people who had me blocked on my other account.

So, tumblr: AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[zlobonessa]

my writing jumpscare, re zero, (implied/pre-) emijulisuba, acr 6 spoilers

"Subaru, listen," Emilia begins, catching herself fidgeting with the fabric covering the entrance to the cart, "have you ever missed people you don't know?"

"I'm afraid it contradicts the definition," Julius replies: even for a moment, pain and acrid bitterness appear on his face, and shame immediately penetrates Emilia to the bottom of her stomach. "You can't remember someone you don't know, and that's why you can't miss them"

"Hey, hey, since when have you become Subaru? Just because your name got eaten does not mean that you can take mine away!" Subaru elbows Julius: Emilia decides to decide that that was an accident due to the lack of space. "And also, stop with this traumadumping on Emilia-tan."

"Subaru!"

"Stop with this what?" Julius raises an eyebrow and smiles strangely: as if he is not offended not because he knows Subaru is joking, but because he agrees with him. Emilia doesn't like it at all.

(Although maybe she's overthinking it. How could she know how Julius smiles usually? She doesn't remember him. Subaru remembers, but she doesn't. Maybe Subaru knows what he's talking about, maybe Subaru knew Julius before like no one else, and that's what sets him apart from everyone else, he did what Emilia couldn't do...

No, she's still thinking nonsense.)

"Stop what needs to be stopped", Subaru snorts with that recognizable expression on his face when he himself does not know why he just said something — nope, still a dunderhead. Julius seems to notice it too: the corners of his lips twitch, and he rolls his eyes — Subaru elbows him again, and Emilia no longer manages to defend him.

"Subaru! That was a serious question, actually!" She stops herself. "Probably."

Immediately Subaru howls and wrings his hands:

"Emilia-tan! Everything you say is more serious to me than the law, fate, and the words of the great prophetess Hatsune Miku! My heart is broken that you have even doubted it!" He presses his hand to his chest dramatically, but after a couple of moments, dropping the pretense, he rests his chin on it. "I don't even know. Probably, yes? Most likely, yes."

"Most likely?" Emilia repeats, feeling really like a huge fool, hoping absurdly.

"Well, yeah, you know... Don't get me wrong, like... It's not anyone's fault, okay?" He raises his hands in warning. "Neither yours, nor even," he glances at Julius, "his, although with such a big head, he could... I'm kidding, okay, okay, just kidding. I, well... I miss people who know what a phone is."

He rubs the skin under his eyes and fidgets in place.

"Well... and yes, I guess I... I miss people from the country where I'm from, yeah. Very... It's a great place, you know. Good people. You know, it's hard to be a foreigner in a foreign country and all that."

Emilia allows herself a mirthless laugh.

"Don't tell me."

A splinter sticks out from one of the planks lining the bottom of the wagon. She pulls on its edge: it breaks off entirely with a soft crack. Emilia throws it out of the cart with a snap of her finger to not prick Rem with it, sleeping peacefully on the floor at their feet.

"But I'm not really talking about that, I guess," she frowns. "I mean, at least you know what they really are like."

Subaru blinks uncomprehendingly. 

"What are you talking about?"

Emilia can't help but sigh. She suddenly becomes nervous and ashamed — she worries about trifles, such selfish trifles, thinks only about herself, and at a time like this, no less, — and besides, Julius's attentive gaze makes her uncomfortable, and that makes her even more ashamed.

How well did Julius and I know each other, she asked Subaru furtively before leaving Pristella, embarrassed by her own words to the horror of herself. And Subaru didn't like them — he looked at her painfully in response, almost like when she talked about Rem.

How should I know, he said sullenly, well, pretty okay, I guess? You've known him longer than I do. He nagged me, you know, like, I'm embarrassing you with all my clowning.

What a horror, Emilia replied then, covering her mouth with her palm, and it's not true at all, you've been promoted from a clown to a knight for a very long time.

Subaru then shouted "Hey!" and they changed the topic of that conversation, but Emilia remembers it now, shivering: How well did Julius know her? Would she embarrass herself in front of him with such nonsense, spoiling the good opinion she had earned from him by no other than a miracle? Or, on the contrary, will she be rude, refusing to share something she would have undoubtedly shared in the past? Isn't opening up again the best way to bring back a past connection?

"Well, it's just..." Pulling on a strand of hair, she winds it around her finger restlessly. "It's probably stupid."

"I think I'll go check on Anastasia-sama." Julius stands up, having understood Emilia perfectly, having understood her flawlessly, and she becomes so unbearably ashamed that she grabs him by the edge of his cloak:

"No! So... I mean, there's nothing special there, y-you can stay."

Julius raises his eyebrows:

"Okay," and sits down.

Emilia takes a deep breath to catch her breath.

"It's just... When I lived in the Elior Forest, there were... when I..." Swallowing a lump in her throat, she stares at the floor and blinks often; Julius moves again, trying to get up, and she puts her hand on his knee.

"The elves I froze — they stayed there," she says, unexpectedly loud and firm, and shudders at the sound of her own voice. "Frozen just like they were a hundred years ago. Someone is standing, someone is lying down. Someone did not have time to understand, someone..." Emilia exhales shakily and pulls a strand of hair down until her skin aches — Subaru takes her by the wrist. She smiles at him weakly.

"I talked to them. Every day. I was brushing the snow off them. I... imagined things. What they were like. It must be terribly stupid. And rude. I don't know anything about them. Maybe they wouldn't want me to like them. Maybe they wouldn't understand me at all."

"Wow," Subaru says, chewing his lip. "Damn, it's kinda like Pompeii."

"Like what?"

"Uh. Well, it's a city... was a city... It's kind of a famous story in my homeland — do you have volcanoes here, by the way?"

"Northwest of Kararagi," Julius responds immediately. "In the middle of the Crimson Hills, with the town of Zesperga at the foot. It's quite a peculiar place."

"Mmm," Subaru mumbles meaningfully. "Here's the thing with Pompeii, it was also at the foot of the volcano. And then after the eruption of the volcano happened — well, in general, it ceased to be."

"Oh."

Subaru is silent for a while, staring at one point. 

"Yeah. My point is... They were covered in ashes — people of Pompeii, I mean. We found them later, thousands of years later, and... there were casts of their bodies. The way they were when they died.

"Must be an impressive archaeological find," Julius remarks, pursing his lips. Subaru laughs in surprise:

"Nerd. Yeah, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Do I look like a historian to you? I have no idea. I mean, actually, that..." He shrugs helplessly. "There were just people there. Their animals, their paintings, their food. A thousand years apart, and we're still the same.

Subaru smiles at her out of the corner of his mouth.

"I think a lot of people think about what they were like back then, Emilia-tan. I mean, me too, I guess, since I'm talking about it. And... people like us were in Pompeii, and people like us live in my homeland, and people like us live right now, so, well, these people from Elior — I don't see any reason for them to not be like us? And you took such good care of them — maybe they miss you too.

Emilia smiles shyly at Subaru in response, and she feels a little like crying very hard.

[dragonflys-words]

CW/TW depiction of abuses/traumadump, slurs and anger

.

.

.

.

I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them

They're fuckin mf

They keep labelling me as autistic here autistic there

They keep talking about my meltdowns being only fuckin anger and disappointment for this or that not being AS I WANT bc Im just a stupid kid

They keep demonize those

They keep hitting me, stressing me, isolating me, traumatizing me while I'm in crisis, crying and begging for help

They ignore me and punish me because I WAS IN CRISIS

... And then I just read about it AND I LEARN THAT ALL THEY DID IS NOT OKAY, NOT EVEN GREAT FOR AUTISM, THAT PUSHING YOUR KID IN A COLD SHOWER IS NOT SAFE FOR CALMING THOSE, THAT ALL OF WHAT THEY DID IS NOT OKAY OR EVEN PRESCRIBED BUT JUST WARNS AS SOMETHING TO NEVER DO???

Now I'm fucked up, highly traumatized by this and other stuff, hating and afraid to express / feel ANYTHING AND ALL OF THIS FOR NOTHING??? I started s///, I had sui- ideations, I ATTEMPTED ONE, I have an ed, I'm so fckin dissociated I can't even live properly, I can't remember my whole life ... For nothing?

Just k!!!s fcking mf not even able to ASSUME HAVING A FCKIN KID, and you who's A FCKIN PSYCHIATRIST WHO DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, WHO JUST MED ME TO WHAT??? And blame me to be what you labelled me??