#war with the klingons? child's play.

[greatprotector]

“ that was quite the hand, but not for the game we are playing. ” 

                             there's something to be said about how at ease shepard is even among the dangerous.    despite being in a place most would consider to be the lion's den, there's not an ounce of tension in her frame, green and blue eyes sweeping over the augment's figure with something almost akin of amusement. there are dozens of files on him littered about encrypted files in the alliance; unfortunately for them, she's got the best hacker in the galaxy on board, and isn't afraid to break rules if it means getting the edge.    

                          ❝    ———    khan, right?     ❞

 as if she doesn't already know; and that shit - eating grin says it all. confident, perhaps, but not ignorantly so. there's crackles of biotic energy dancing across her skin, even while she's leveling him with her pistol.        ❝      you must have had a good nap if you're complimenting me already. i just wanted to talk, but if you'd rather dance? i'm game. and if i win, you listen. yeah?         ❞

@paramounticebound sent for an inbox meme.

[bardicious]

Star Trek TOS/SNW Prompt List

Okay, for now this is what I got, and I'm thinking maybe Ill try to make a list like this every month (???maybe?) to get my brain working. Might do another Garashir one tomorrow or after tomorrow. 🤔

Spirk are beamed down to a planet of giants

Spirk fixing a console problem from outside the Enterprise

Spirk feels their T'hy'la bond across the galaxy from each other. (Conceptualization of the T'hy'la)

Spock murders the giant Omni (The Price of Phoenix) in defense of an injured Jim.

The moment Spock mind melds with Jim (as Janice Lester) and the memories that pass between them.

Professor James T. Kirk, a stack of books with legs, teaching a class with Mitchell and Carol in attendance and Janice Lester as co-professor.

Jim takes a moment to mourn his brother, Sam, and his sister-in-law, Aurelian with his nephew Peter.

Jim fights the Gorn (SNW style)

Jim watches the Enterprise as it pierces through Tarsus IV's clouds. The crowds that are left stand in shock as well.

Trelane comes back, older (as teen personality vs TOS's young boy personality), a menace as ever. How will Spock and Kirk deal with him this time?

M'Benga in the middle of the Klingon War.

Doctor M'Benga and Doctor Chapel marry, post tmp. The Enterprise (TOS/SNW) are in attendance.

La'an mourns her Jim as the timeline switches back into place.

Omni (The Price of Phoenix) abducts Jim, on Vulcan as Spock prepares for Kolinahr hears Jim's distress. (pre-tmp) (yes, I am obsessed with this villain and the books)

Jim with his Tholian child, Bright Eyes, find themselves in Sulu's botanic lab.

Mirror Verse!Spirk meet over Pike's dead body, Uhura and Spock are aligned, and impressed with their new Captain.

The SNW crew ARE turned into bunnies, Jim, Spock, and Uhura have to care for them while they fix the problem

The Enterprise and Farragut crews team up to deal with a situation on a Greek themed planet. (SNW)

Harry Mudd and his double? is once again found doing something criminal and ridiculous. 

McSpirk finds themselves in the Mirror Verse's past, an earth where Khan wins, and successfully conquers the Earth (my headcanon on why the Mirror Verse exists).

Young Jim copes (or doesn't) with his first kills on Tarsus IV, while holding young Kevin Riley.

Uhura is planning a musical, sadly many of the bridge crew decline participation, surprisingly Spock does not! He plays the music. Their show becomes a yearly tradition.

Admiral Kirk sits alone in his home on Earth, and drinks. He thinks about Spock and the Enterprise and wonders how it all went wrong.

Yeoman Rand brings new Earth trends to the Enterprise, Uhura, Chapel, La'an, and Una all try something new.

Yeoman Rand and Captain Kirk fight a group of hostile aliens, their movements are in sync. (Yeoman Rand is Captain Kirk's protégée in this prompt)

Rand, Uhura, and Sulu attempt to talk to the local parliament comprised by what looks like sentient flowers.

Future!Spirk get time displaced and find themselves on the SNW Enterprise, not knowing whether they've stopped at an alternate universe, or the past, they keep quiet on the state of future affairs. Between a living Sam Kirk, and an uninjured Pike, both Jim and Spock are stressed.

Jim hesitates to fire at the dikironium cloud creature, and loses consciousness as the creature sets upon the Farragut.

Jim and Spock, and begrudgingly Droxine, catch the view from Stratos.

The enterprise picks up a child from a dying ship. The child with prophetic powers opens a popup storybook that involves the future of the enterprise, the art style depicts a style like the tos series, and two indistinct figures of a captain and his first officer. Chris Pike watches in trepidation as the story unfolds.

[fractalcloning]

As I scream into the void seeking a Narek RPer to play against, I have finally caved and must explain why I want this Romulan loungelizard to be more popular. (It won't happen, but I can dream.)

Reasons I like Narek as a character that nobody but me gives a shit about:

Let me preface this with a fact about me: I know Romulans.

I've RPed as Nero for almost two straight years in a large game. I've basically learned Rihannsu back to front for the endeavor. The person who played my Ayel and I both dumped countless hours into developing grammar and extrapolating cultural rules. We were dedicated to making them as believeable and accurate to canon as possible.

I have the whole timeline of the destruction of Hobus/Romulus down to memory. I know about all the neat little tidbits and trivia from comics and adjacent materials etc, etc.

This is to say: I have read and written quite a lot about Romulans in my time. I am very familiar with how they work and what data is available to draw from when writing them.

We do meet a few rank and file military Romulans from time to time, however. So we know how the general military operates in direct contrast to the Tal'Shiar. Caution and secrecy is sort of baked into their culture, which makes a lot of sense given that they're constantly at war with basically everyone, but they aren't (generally) unreasonable people.

In canon Trek, Romulans are often a little over the top with the sneaky-backstabbing-untrustworthy-nonsense. They're almost comical with how much scheming they do, but most of the Romulans we meet in canon are Tal'Shiar. The Tal'Shiar are known, pretty explicitly for the depth and breadth of their sneaky-backstabbing-untrustworthy-nonsense. It's kind of their whole deal, apart from mnhei'sahe (literally the ruling passion honor).

Narek, however, was a child when Hobus went supernova. He is from the very last generation that had any living memory of Romulus. (Elnor is also from this generation and they are great foils for each other, but that's another essay.) Narek is from a (presumably) respected family of--if not Tal'Shiar then Military--operatives. His aunt held high rank, his sister did as well, and both were inducted into the Zhat Vash, an organization that worked so quietly and efficiently that even the famously paranoid Tal'Shiar thought they were a myth. They orchestrated catastrophes and manipulated Galactic law to their ends, one of their members was the head of Starfleet Security and Narissa was on a personal basis with her.

Their underlying culture is present, but it isn't explored very deeply in any one canon source. Taken collectively, however, it is just as substantial as Klingon Battle-lust or Ferengi Capitalism.

Nero was a break from the norm, not because he was vengeful, but because he was the first non-military Romulan we'd ever really seen. His designs, the tattoos, the crew of his ship with their very un-Romulan loyalty, the way he talked and sought equivalent exchange of lives (mnhei'sahe), was a wealth of Romulan culture that we hadn't ever seen. He was a regular Joe, had a regular non-Military job, trusted and worked with aliens to try and save lives. His failure (not his fault) was something he absorbed and sought to rectify in the Romulan way.

Nero was super interesting both for how much detail he cast on Romulan culture, and in how he slotted into the Prime Timeline. Nero was a guy desperately clinging to hope, to the last vestiges of his civilian life, but he was cut free by the destruction of Romulus and set adrift. The only anchor he had in the AOS timeline was his honor and the driving need to balance the scales and restore it.

Narek, however privledge his family was, was a washout. He was a failure. We know he wasn't Zhat Vash, and whether he was even Tal'Shiar is up for some serious speculation. He doesn't act like military officers, and only seems to be play-acting as a Tal'Shiar, miming his sister when it suits him.

Narek may have had authority on the Artifact, but it was probably by dint of Oh granting it. We never get any clarification whatsoever about his rank or dayjob, just that he is fully devoted to helping the Zhat Vash. He is analytical, prepared, but he is not good at thinking on his feet and clearly does his planning off screen. He's meticulous but not especially skilled at hiding or regulating his emotional state. He is far less aggressive and stalwart than just about every other Romulan we've seen...except for Nero.

He was literally a placeholder sent to keep tabs on Soji. He didn't even arrive until Narissa had failed to capture Dahj. That Narek managed to get close to Soji, that he discovered her dreams and correctly surmised what they are, was more luck than skill. Before his assessments the Zhat Vash knew that Dahj (and Soji) could be activated out of their cover, but they assumed that they could capture them. They probably assumed they could torture the data out of them, if not dissect them and rip out a harddrive.

Narek found an easy way to get right to the information they needed. His attachment to Romulan culture is his puzzlebox--Before Nero we had never met a Romulan civilian and before Narek we have never met a cultural Romulan who plays with a toy, we had never seen a child's toy like that. Of course, the puzzlebox (Tan Zhekran) was a mechanism to illustrate his thought process, to make the differences between Narissa and him very apparent, but it was also something from his childhood (presumably). It's a weirdly personal affect for a Romulan and he fidgets with it almost constantly. It's a tell, something he shouldn't have, and it makes him accessible on an emotional level.

Narek is a civilian.

He's a civilian in a family of spies and operatives, raised alongside his sister on the same stories, with the same care. There's no way a Zhat Vash didn't have a family home on Romulus. While Elnor is a nice example of the new generation of Romulans, Narek is one of the last examples of what is used to mean to be a Romulan. He saw Romulus and escaped with all his surviving family when it as it was destroyed. Narek was raised on Romulan tradition (private names for family), Romulan stories about the end of the world, and he is haunted by them because he knows they're true, they're real. His sister and aunt have seen it, seen the message that drives people mad, about Ganmadan. His living relatives have dedicated their lives to preventing it and, even if he isn't actually Zhat Vash, he does the same.

Narek is a failure, by his culture's standards, by his family's standards, but he is also the only one of them who lives in the end.

He's a civilian who is trying, desperately, to avert another Romulan apocalypse. He has already lived through one and somehow this next one is even worse. Like Nero he sees the writing on the wall--but instead of doubling down on the traditional sneaky spy shit, he tries something new--unlike Nero, it works! He makes headway where nobody else could.

Unfortunately, it's kinda fucked up, but he then gives up everything in the pursuit of this goal. (Which to him, seems like a noble one.) Narek gives up who he is (by playing at being Tal Shiar), his safety (he has no idea what Soji is capable of or what might set her off, they only have records of Dahj killing a dozen agents before being blown up), and eventually resigns himself to killing the woman he's fallen in love with (the baseline requirement for giving out his real name). He does it all for the greater good, to save people and he doesn't seem to make much of a distinction between Romulan and other organic lives. He has his little plans, tracking La Sirena in a single cloaked ship, hiding his presence to tail them, firing on them despite being wholly outmatched, allying with Sutra however temporarily, trying to sway Soji again, turning to Rios, Raffi, and Elnor for help--he's willing to do anything because he's terrified that everything is about to end and it will be him who failed to prevent it.

The very last shot we see of him, after his plan to detonate the transmitter fails completely, is him on the ground being dragged away by the Coppelius androids. He doesn't posture or threaten, doesn't say ominous shit like the other Romulans we're used to--He begs. He claws at the ground, trying to stay, and he begs. He pleads with Soji, calls her his love, tries that last ditch hail mary because it's all he can do. He fails his task and she's the last person he can reach out to and, in the end, despite the very real threat to her life, Planet, and Picard, Soji smashes the transmitter. The apocalypse is averted.

Narek failed but he also succeeded. His aunt is dead, Oh has been outed as a traitor, and his sister is killed by Seven of Nine. In a cut scene, apparently, Narek was supposed to be arrested by Starfleet. So he's facing (at the very least) retribution from the androids and the ExBorg. Starfleet is very likely to arrest and interrogate him, if not imprison him indefinitely since he has ties to the Zhat Vash and, subsequently, will be on the hook to explain the Utopia Planetia disaster. Soji hates him, for good reason, and his homeworld is long gone. Narek has nothing...but the world was saved.

Narek is singular because he's all about needing and interacting with other people, he has no real authority, nobody he commands. He's a civilian (insofar as any Romulan can be) and is a soft, emotional boy who hangs on to his childhood toys. He's driven in equal parts by fear and a deep sense of failure, like everyone else in the show, and he takes the steps that seem right and necessary to him (also like everyone else on the show).

Narek was a great contrast against Elnor in every possible way--from his evasiveness to his fear of death--and he was a great foil for Soji. On Coppelius, Soji's terror clouds her judgment and she very nearly does terrible things to protect herself. Her actions, her opinions, her hesitation were all driven by fear. The ends seemed to justify the means. She reflects Narek's state for the whole show. Season 1 is about finding safety and meaning.

Narek is afraid for the whole duration of the show and his choices all reflect that same desperate need to find permanent safety, to live. Soji exists on the peripheral of that with the Ex-Borg, and as a synthetic, and then she falls headlong into it after his betrayal. Narek regrets trying to kill her and the symbolism of his losing that box, of him trying to kill her in a room that is so very culturally Romulan, right after telling her his name, makes it very clear that killing her is killing some piece of himself. But the ends justify the means. He can and will give up everything to save the world.

And his last line in the show is desperately pleading with the woman he loves as he's dragged away.

Then we never see him again or get anything resembling closure for Soji or Narek.

Which I will be big mad about forever, because they didn't even get the bare minimum acknowledgement and closure of "moving on and living life is paramount because it is finite and beautiful ". Nope. Nothing. I'm furious forever.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. I hope if Star Trek Legacy happens we get Narek as a sort of...side character creeper informant ala Garak. I also hope we get Soji on Seven's Enterprise because I love her.

[electronickingdomfox]

"The Final Reflection" review

Novel from 1984, by John M. Ford. This one stands apart from other TOS novels, and for several reasons. For starters, it's a book inside a book. The framing story has Kirk intrigued by a sudden "Klingon fad" among his crew, related to a new novel that hasn't been well-received by the Federation. Out of curiosity, Kirk decides to read the novel, titled "The Final Reflection" and written by a "JMF" (evidently John M. Ford), based on the memories of Dr. Emanuel Tagore. The rest of the book, therefore, is a reproduction of this fictional novel about Klingons, based on real events from some forty years ago. The second reason why this one is different, is a consequence of the first: for the most part, the story doesn't deal with the Enterprise characters, but with the Klingon captain Krenn, and his crew. This was the first time a TOS novel switched perspective, and told things from the point of view of the series' "bad guys".

However, far from being a story about bloodthirsty Klingons, battling against Federation starships, this is a thoughtful novel about politics, war, and the human (and Klingon) condition. The Klingons, though still warlike, are revealed to be much more sophisticated, civil and honorable than what's perceived by the Federation. From their unique point of view, humans seem as alien (and often as callous) as Klingons seem to them. And there's a sardonic view of human diplomacy and xenophobia, once Krenn gets to visit Earth in a diplomatic mission.

Games figure prominently in the story, in the form of chess, poker or the strategic Klingon game klin zha (similar to 3D chess). They're metaphors for the several political games that play out through the course of the novel. And ultimately, of the game of life (the Perpetual Game, as Klingons call it). There are several versions of klin zha that further stress this parallelism between games/life: a blind version where you can't see your opponents' moves, a brutal live version where real people are used as pieces... And the most difficult, the "reflective game", where there's a single set of pieces that each opponent uses in turn, thus creating both an advantage and a disadvantage with each move. "The final reflection" of the title refers precisely to the last move of this game, when the opponent paints himself into a corner. This is what happens to the (largely invisible) bad guys at the end, responsible for trying to ignite a war between the Klingon Empire and the Federation, and also Krenn's enemies for more personal reasons. But it's also a reference to Kirk's final reflections upon finishing the book, when he considers his own narrow views about his enemies.

There's indeed much of Kirk in Krenn, both in personality and career. The first third of the story follows Krenn since his childhood as an orphan, later adopted by a master strategist Admiral, and then in his early years as cadet, before taking command of his own ship. After this, he's tasked with bringing Dr. Emanuel Tagore to the Klingon Empire, as new ambassador from the Federation. The characters Krenn meets during his adventures are all colorful and fleshed out. Specially memorable is his adoptive father, Admiral Kethas, and Dr. Tagore. The latter is a frail, sweet old man, fiercely determined to achieve peace. And the relationship that forms between Krenn and him turns out to be surprisingly moving, for all its unlikelihood. There are also cameo appearances of Sarek, Amanda and a child Spock (who plays chess, and loses, against Krenn). As well as McCoy's grandfather, who storms out from a meeting saying "I'm gonna go change my grandson Leonard's diapers now, but I'll be thinkin' of you the whole time." (much to McCoy's embarrassment in the present). However, I'm not going to dissect the plot here. First, because there's not a single plot; the three sections of the book each deal with Krenn at a different point of life and with a different mission. And also, because I think the most interesting parts of this novel are in the conversations, and the glimpses of wisdom that one gets from them, and those don't translate well into a dry summary of facts. Actually, I still suspect there are further layers to this story than the ones analyzed here; things that would require a second reading (or a more skillful analyst) to bring to the surface.

As for all the lore about Klingon culture and language introduced, this novel came out at a time when almost nothing was known about this race. There were just a handful of episodes, and those portrayed Klingons as rather one-dimensional. The effort to flesh out their culture is commendable, but unfortunately, much of this lore has been ignored or contradicted by later series (though some concepts, like the Black Fleet of Klingons' afterlife, has been recently incorporated to canon). The chronology for Klingon history is no longer correct, and it seems to owe a lot to the FASA games (for which the author was also a collaborator). And some biographical details are also off. For example, the stardate of the frame story places it some time after The Wrath of Khan, while Krenn's mission was just forty years ago. It's not possible that Kirk wasn't even born, and McCoy was just a baby; even less so that Spock was a young child (McCoy is older than Spock). But if these details don't annoy you, this is a really good book, not just as a TOS novel, but as a novel in general (and I admit it brought tears to my eyes sometimes). Anyway, it's a retelling of events, so inconsistencies can be dismissed as "artistic license". As Dr. Tagore says to the fictional author in the prologue:

"Be a storyteller, an embellisher, a liar; they'll call you that and worse anyway. It hardly matters. The Tao which can be perceived is not the true Tao."

Spirk Meter: 0/10*. There can hardly be if the characters aren't even there.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[whirligig-girl]

Question: Describe your OCs mirror universe counterpart?

(Mirror Guz, playing an electric accordion.) Hey listen. I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems. Not problems like "what is beauty?" because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. [phaser shots] / [photon torpedoes blasting] I solve practical problems. [horrible raygun sound effects, voices of a human screaming.] For instance: "How am I gonna stop some big mean terran communist from melting me a structurally superfluous new behind?" [electric arc zapping sound, mellanoid resistance fighter gurgling their last breath.] The answer: "use a gun." [clunking sounds of gun reloading; thunder claps; disruptor blasts. A vulcan vaporizes.] And if that doesn't work? Heh. [Subspace field coils energizing. A beam of green light outshines everything else in the view. Within seconds, the planet below is completely destroyed.] Use more gun. >:)

mirror Slamtha and mirror Guz were best friends growing up in the aftermath of the Zaldan-Mellanoid war, a conflict which only ended because the Zaldans were themselves finally conquered by the KCA. Guz and Slamtha were both going to join the United Mellanus Military--Guz would join the engineering corps as a weapons designer; having played too much with leftover explosives as a child for her own good had given her a military scholarship, and Slamtha would be a soldier. When the Mellanoids had reverse-engineered captured Zaldan starships and built their own warp drives, all that did was alert the KCA to their existence. The Klingon-Cardassian Alliance came to subjugate Mellanus. Guz betrayed her people and defected--how else was she to put her talents in the art of weapon design to good use? Slamtha stayed loyal and fought in the resistance. But one day, she was going to find Guz and make her pay.

[moorheadthanyoucanhandle]

DOVE TALE

Again and again I find myself sheepishly admitting that Star Trek, as in the original series, is my all-time favorite TV show. It's a little embarrassing to acknowledge that, north of sixty years old, I keep going back for comfort and refreshment to the corny sci-fi show that I loved as a kid.

Worse yet, for all the show's sophomoric heavy-handedness and cultural chauvinism and ludicrous science and inconsistently applied social values, I keep finding relevance, even prescience in it.

For instance, this past weekend I watched the third-season episode, scripted by the redoubtable Jerome Bixby (also author of the story that became the Twilight Zone favorite "It's a Good Life"), called "Day of the Dove..."

You may remember it: Both the Enterprise and a crew of Klingons arrive at a planet, lured there under false pretenses by a powerful incorporeal alien Entity. Through a variety of mind tricks and matter transmutation, the Entity gets the Federation crew and the Klingons trapped together aboard the Enterprise, which is hurtling out of control on course to leave the galaxy.

Onboard, the factions are allowed their own turf, armed with swords--Scotty admires "a Claymore..."

...and psychically aroused to furious hatred toward their adversaries and even toward each other. They soon discover that the conflict between them is self-renewing; their wounds heal miraculously and the Entity allows neither side complete victory.

As a kid, I always thought it was a pretty cool episode. It had plenty of action, including swordfights, and the coolest and most badass of all the original series Klingons, Kang, played by the rumbly-voiced Michael Ansara...

...towering over Shatner...

It was also the only glimpse we ever got, in the original series, of Klingon women, notably Susan Howard as Kang's wife and science officer Mara...

In the course of the show Chekov, under the Entity's evil influence, attempts to violate Mara, although it looks like she could smack his little ass across the corridor with one hand.

Along with Chekov, Kirk, McCoy, Scotty and Uhura all get to work themselves up into highly entertaining angry lathers in this one. Shatner's in particularly hilarious, wound-up form here: "Look at me...Look. At. Me." And there's the great moment when the hysterical Scotty, responding to Spock's attempt to calm him, says "Keep your Vulcan hands off me," but it sounds like he said "Keep your f**kin' hands off me."

But watching it the other night, it occurred to me that this episode seems unusually relevant these days. I noticed this a few years ago about the second-season episode "The Omega Glory" as well. The theme, about the dangers of fetishizing and theocratizing America's foundational documents and other objects of patriotic regard like the flag, seems like a pedestrian, basic civics lesson. But it turns out that our society needs to be reminded of it regularly.

Similarly, with "Day of the Dove," the message might seem, at a glance, like the usual honorable but ineffectual Star Trek platitudes about the horrors of war and the bondage of bigotry and the liberating virtue of tolerance. But now, in light of the revelations from the Dominion lawsuit, it has a strikingly specific subtext. Because, of course, the reason the invading Entity is attempting to create this hellish eternal conflict on the Enterprise is that it feeds on violent hatreds, turning from yellowish-white to a happy shade of red...

...when it sucks up some delicious fury.

It creates false narratives in people's minds to stir up their bloodlust--Chekov claims his brother was killed by the Klingons; Sulu later explains that the brother is imaginary, as Chekov is an only child--and feeds both sides with propaganda to gin up enmity. Essentially, the Entity is a farmer, planting outrage so that it can harvest rage.

In other words, the Entity is Fox News, and the "news" media machine of which Fox News is the most successful and egregious example. I mean, isn't it, kind of?

In this context, some of Bixby's lines take on an extra resonance, as when Kirk speculates "Has a war been staged for us, complete with weapons and ideology and patriotic drum beating? Even...Spock...even race hatred?"

Or, when Kirk says "It exists on the hate of others," and Spock replies "To put it simply. And it has acted as a catalyst, creating this situation in order to satisfy that need."

Or, again, Kirk's desperate appeal to Kang, in the climactic minutes: "...and it goes on, the good old game of war, pawn against pawn! Stopping the bad guys. While somewhere, something sits back, and laughs, and starts it all over again."

In the end, Kang is persuaded, a truce is ordered, and the weakened Entity is chased off the Enterprise to hearty laughter from both sides...

Kang slaps Kirk on the back and for a second it looks like Kirk is going to pass out. A lovely moment; I would highly recommend it for our nation right now. But as the Entity goes flittering off the ship into space, it's all too easy to imagine it scurrying down to some TV "News" Network on some unsuspecting planet.

[episodicnostalgia]

Star Trek: The Next Generation, 109 (Nov. 21, 1987) - “Hide and Q”

Written by: C.J. Holland & Gene Roddenberry Directed by: Cliff Bole

The Breakdown

Q makes his first return appearance, but this time he decides he’s going to pick on Riker, since Picard is a boring rule follower. Initially Q brings Riker (along with a few select bridge crew) to another plane-of-existence to play some kind of war simulation. After making the participants suffer grisly and painful deaths, Q decides to undo it all, and instead levels Riker up with the power of unbridled omnipotence.  Initially Riker does try to resist the temptation to do literally anything he wants, but his resolve is tested when a young child dies on a rescue mission, which leads Riker to thinking “hey technically I could actually do a lot of good with these new powers.” And in fairness, he’s kind of got a point.

So what does Riker do with his new godhood?  Of course first-things-first, he proceeds to bring the little girl back to life before reuniting her with her fami- Just kidding, lol. No, instead he offers his friends a round of good old fashioned wish fulfilment.  Riker proceeds to offer Geordie his sight back, Worf a violently horny Klingon woman, and Wesley a ripped-and-slightly-older body.  To his astonishment the entire crew turn down their gifts almost without hesitation, possibly because of their strong moral centre, but also possibly because Q is clearly playing at some kind of contrived moral lesson about humanity, and playing into his hands is generally unwise.  Realizing the error of his ways, Riker surrenders his new powers, and literally no one mentions the little dead girl ever again.  Meanwhile Q is dragged away screaming by the Q-continuum, because apparently he didn’t get the proper permits to visit the humans. I’m sure that’s the last we’ll see if that guy!

The Verdict

The concept is sound enough, as far as morality plays go, but the execution culminates in a missed opportunity to delve into some more interesting questions. Do I think Riker should possess the power of a god? No. But surely the life of an innocent child should yield greater consideration than Wesley’s desire to be a grown up. All things considered, ‘Hide and Q’ is just kind of weak, if amusing in it’s own right.

John de Lancie is starting to lean more into the trickster god vibes this time around, which I do enjoy, although still a little over-the-top, but then so is everyone else.

2 stars (out of 5)

Additional Observations

Lt. Yar has a thing for a sensitive Picard, and maybe also Worf? During Q’s games she’s sidelined and made to wait on the ship (with her life potentilally on the line).  Picard offers his moral support and she’s basically like “Wow you really are the whole package.  If ONLY you weren’t also my captain”.  And maybe it’s just me, but later when Worf is offered his potential Klingon mate, Tasha seems a bit jealous. I guess she can’t deny a strong forehead.

Wesley gets impaled, but words can’t do it justice.

Worf’s acrobatic leap over the bridge railings has got to be one of the most unintentionally hilarious pieces of acrobatics in television history. I love it with all my heart.

The bridge crew are all a little TOO impressed with adult Wesley.

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S4E8 "Future Imperfect"

My last review was posted like... nine months ago.

Time flies when you're lazy.

THE PREMISE

Commander Riker’s birthday celebrations are interrupted by reports of strange sensor readings from Alpha Onias 3. He beams down with Geordi and Worf to investigate but they’re quickly knocked out by toxic gases. Upon awakening in sickbay, Riker discovers that sixteen years have passed (though he can't remember any of it) and he is now the captain of the Enterprise.

MY REVIEW

Sixteen years in the future. Assuming that Riker is roughly the same age as Jonathan Frakes, that would put him in his mid-fifties. And if we compare this "middle-aged" Riker to Jonathan Frakes circa mid-2000s...

Not bad. Still, anything beats that weird adult Wesley from Hide and Q.

Then again, if we use Riker's birthday slab as an indicator, then he just turned...

...six.

I guess he was born on a leap year.

Anyway, here we are in the future, where Dr Crusher chalks up Riker's sudden amnesia to a side effect of a dormant infection which he picked up on that away mission all those years ago. An infection which Klingons just so happen to be immune to... and I guess Geordi is just built different.

Dr Crusher recommends associational therapy, with the idea being that surrounding Riker with familiar people and things will help to jog his memory, starting with a trip to the bridge. Because a man fresh out of a coma with a massive gap in his memory is clearly fit to resume command of a starship. Good call.

Riker arrives on the bridge and finds it looking… exactly the same, since new sets ain’t cheap, but there are at least changes among the crew. My boi Data is now First officer, Geordi now has ocular implants so LeVar Burton gets to act without a hunk of plastic on his face, and more species like Klingons and Ferengi are among the crew.

But what concerns Riker is the most is Admiral Picard and Troi arriving on a Romulan Warbird.

That last one is explained by ongoing peace treaty negotiations with the Romulans, which Riker has apparently been leading ever since he rescued the crew of a damaged Warbird which wound up in Federation space. Evidently random acts of kindness go a long way towards stopping wars in this universe. The Enterprise is currently escorting the Romulan ambassador to Outpost 23 to wrap things up and get the treaty signed.

Yep. Here we are in the future, and it's bright. Nothing to fear, no one to fight... I can't believe we've come so far.

Then Tomalak beams aboard.

Future Picard and Troi try to reassure Riker – yeah, he did threaten to take the Enterprise's hull as a trophy last season, but that was one time – but he's still concerned, both by the massive gap in his memory and that he might have to reveal sensitive Starfleet intel to someone he probably can't trust.

With the briefing over and Riker’s memories still thoroughly gone, Troi takes him back to his quarters, where a mysterious child is playing his trombone.

"Hi, Dad!"

Ah. He has his father's... hair?

This is Riker's son, Jean-Luc (Chris Demetral). I remember being surprised that Troi wasn't the mother... but their romance is barely more than subtext at this point, so it's not that shocking. Jean-Luc's mother was actually a woman only known as Min, who Troi explains died two years prior. Even though they have zero evidence of her existing – aside from the child she supposedly birthed, I mean – and Riker can't find any trace of her in the ship's records. They don't even have any photos of her. I guess they had to make room for their... modern art?

I think I saw the Threads logo in there.

Christ, the last time I posted a review Threads didn't even exist it's been so fucking long

The computer's been acting up for a while now, come to think of it. I'm sure Geordi will be done with that diagnostic soon.

Still, I can at least appreciate the script's efforts to make us care about this kid. Riker adjusts pretty well to being a father, though that probably has more to do with Jonathan Frakes' natural daddy– I mean dad energy.

"I guess there's only one thing we can do. We've got to build some new memories!"

But Riker is still bothered that he can't find any trace of his late wife, though Jean-Luc says he's just not being precise enough, and pulls up some old home movies. It's here that we discover that "Min" is actually Minuet (again played by Carolyn McCormick for a single shot – that's dedication for you), that hologram lady he tried to bone way back in his babyface era.

Suddenly everything starts falling into place. And speaking of hologram romantics (or holosexuals, as I like to call them), Geordi calls Riker back up to the bridge.

It's here that the attempts to keep Riker gaslit, gatekept and girlbossed completely fall apart, as he calls out all sorts of holes in the facade, like Geordi taking more than a day to run a simple diagnostic, nobody being able to properly recall past events and even Data using a contraction.

Ha! I knew Lore was going to come back eventually! AND THEY CALLED ME A MADMAN!

...No? It's not Lore? Aight. Maybe next season.

"Would anyone else like to speak up? Or shall we end this charade?"

With the wool thoroughly pulled back from Riker's eyes, Tomalak reveals that the whole thing has actually been a hologram simulation designed to trick him into revealing Federation intel like, say, the location of Outpost 23.

You win this time, Lore.

Turns out that after the away team was hit with the gas, the Romulans intercepted Riker while he was being beamed up. They used their neural scanners to create a perfect replica of the Enterprise and its crew. Add a bit of ageing makeup and some bullshit about amnesia and badda bing badda bang, you’ve got yourself a pretty convincing future AU.

As for Tomalak’s OC, Jean-Luc, he was actually some random kid named Ethan who they had taken prisoner after raiding a research outpost on the edge of the Neutral Zone.

They throw Riker in a cell with him for a lil bit — just long enough for Ethan to tell him about a secret hiding spot elsewhere on the ship — so when the Romulans come back with the intention of taking the intel by force, Riker seizes the opportunity. One distraction and a few punches in the face later, and they’re on the run.

Ethan leads Riker through a convenient crawl space to a convenient forgotten room where some convenient blueprints conveniently tell them the location of the ship’s communication centre where they could send a message to the Enterprise. But there's a catch.

Ethan: The transmitter's on a voice-activated security system only.

Riker: Do you know whose voice activates it?

Ethan: Only Ambassador Tomalak.

...The fuck you say?

Yeah, the plot be thickening. Turns out the original simulation was just crammed inside of another one. So the Romulan ship fades away... as do the Romulans... and Tomalak... until Riker is left standing back in the cave on Alpha Onias 3... with only the boy remaining.

Credit where it's due, decent plot twist.

The boy, whose real name is Barash, reveals that his mother left him in the cave — which essentially functions as Holodeck+ by manifesting anything he wants — to keep him safe. But with his mother long dead and the Enterprise being the planet's first visitors in ages, he baited the away team down to the surface and intercepted Riker mid-transport while Geordi and Worf were safely beamed back up.

But with the game up, Barash drops the facade, allowing the Enterprise to finally get a proper lock on him. Fortunately Riker realises that the kid meant nothing by it and even offers him asylum on the Enterprise, prompting Barash to finally reveal his true form.

Ah... I think you've got the wrong set, my dude. This is Star Trek. Doctor Who is on Stage 4B.

Riker: To me, you'll always be Jean-Luc.

And so Riker has himself and the kid beamed up. Da end.

We're going to see a lot of these "waking up in a different reality" plots going forward, and while I'm usually not really a fan — you're mostly just waiting for the character in question to realise something ain't right and expose whatever tomfuckery is causing it — this one ain't half bad, since it was a bit more subtle about it and had some third act twists to spice things up. So yeah.

7/10 - The first of many.

We are so fucking back.

Previous Episode | TNG Masterpost | Next Episode

[thelandswemadeofpaper]

Authority

Alliance

Evil Power Vacuum

In Its Hour of Need

Playing/Running Both Sides

The Man Behind the Man

Voluntary Vassal

The Missing Faction

Lonely at the Top

Civil War

Enemy Civil War

Brain Drain

Sorcerer's Apprentice Plot

Ambitious Lesser Noble

War and Battle Trophy

Isolationism

A City Sacked

Peace Treaty

Ban on Magic

Royal Decree

Envoy

Trade

Garrison

Siege/Besiege

Restoration

Servitude

Slavery (Race? Mooks?)

Submission

Tame

Dowry

Honor and Reputation

Rumors

Good Princess, Evil Queen

Demilitarising

Monopoly of Resource (can be a more abstract thing, like the Sun?)

Devasted Land After War

Inheritance

Fallen Princess

Finders Rulers

Rightful King Returns

Orphan Heir

Inadequate Inheritor

Superior Successor

Disinherited Child

Lost Orphaned Royalty

Denied/Stolen Heritage

Denied Position/Candidate

Passed-Over Inheritance

Mother Makes you King

Hidden Backup Heir

Spare to the Throne

Rejecting the Inheritance

Only Surviving Candidate

Royalty Superpower

Former Rulling Dynasty

Nepotism

Royal Blood

Long Lost Heir

Second Son

Position

Conqueror

Tyrant

Rulling Couple

Puppet King

Alleged Boss

Fake King

New Master

Shared Position

Unaware Position

Questioned Position

Unwanted Position

Klingon Promotion

Demoted to Dragon

Stripped of Titles

Dragon Ascendant

Offered the Crown

Abdicate the Throne

Abdication in Shame

Regent for a Life

Weak Leader

Naive New Ruler

Reluctant Ruler

We Can Rule Together

Rash Grey Ruler/Bait-and-Switch Tyrant

Throne Battle (cousins? siblings? uncle?)

Heir-in-Law

Usurper/Usurped (what happened to the usurped? Run Away? Locked Up? Killed?)

Successor/Predecessor (how the they got the position? Their relationship?)

Disgraced

Stolen Lands

Second Place

Vacant Position

Rebellious Rebel

Society and Nobility

Social Hierarchy

Colony

Capital

Split Folk

Foreign

Fantastic Caste System

Ethnicity Monarch

Foreign Ruling Class

Interclass Friendship or Romance

Class Segregation

Nobility Marries Money

Nouveau Riche

Rags to Riches/Royalty

Rich Suitor, Poor Suitor

Crapsaccharine World

Adopted into Royality

Royal Bastard

Minor House

Branch House

The Outsider Befriends the Best

Impoverished Patrician

[lenievi]

snw season 2 #1 

I didn’t dislike this episode. Pretty average among SNW imho

Me: going into this with open mind

M’Benga gives Spock a lute

Me: wtf (:D)

just to make it clear, because of a deleted TOS scene where Spock was like, I won a second place in a competition, and them being like who won the first, my father, I’ve always assumed Sarek taught Spock how to play and I don’t like it being taken away from me

yeah, anyway, I see that Spock unleashing his anger in ep 9 does have consequences

“We must steal the Enterprise.” kadhajkfhjasghfjkagjaghfjgajegh Spock vs Kirk: 2:1 (Spock’s winning when it comes to stealing the Enterprise lol)

- why is there a character that’s once again connected to Spock, but now via his mother T_T  (but... can I expect Amanda to appear in SNW?)

- Spock: “Miss Ortegas” okay then, going back to TOS terminology, I see

- I really hope they won’t give Kirk his “thing” (”Take her out of orbit.” is way classier than anything else.)

- I wonder if s2 is going to bring up more about the Federation-Klingon war (and if Spock and Pike and maybe Una will feel something about not being there). I wonder if they will canonize it for Kirk too. Actually... since they’re going into the war with the Gorn (maybe), they probably will

- the M’Benga/Chapel fight scene was probably my least favourite past of this episode (plus, Spock’s catch phrase, since the timing of it was really weird)

- if Spock cheats on T’Pring, she let him off easy. If Spock cheats, period, it’s kind of like hmmmm Anyway, I expected this, now it just depends on how it’s going to be handled - in order for me not to lose the respect I have for the character (I mean he did want to sleep with Chapel in Amok Time) - because at the end of the day, Spock makes a sacrifice and chooses T’Pring. Wonder if at that time Chapel is gonna meet her future fiancé... (I just feel like I honestly have to stay from other people because I can imagine what others are saying lol)

but yeah, looking forward how Spock/Chapel will proceed because it makes a few TOS episodes have more depth

but pleaseeee let this season have less Spock.

Was nice to see La’an again (after like not seeing her for one episode lol). Can’t wait for the 3rd episode!

BUT THE LUTE T_T That I will ignore. Sarek gave him his lute. He taught him how to play T_T (even though I think Spock already had the lute in his quarters before, but it’s just weird that it would be now lying in sickbay... he did own it in Discovery, in any case - I’m not sure if SNW was careful about not including it in s1, I haven’t checked, but I... don’t appreciate Spock’s lute, something that is Vulcan, being given to him by a human. Spock was a creative child - he drew, he played music... not everything has to be connected to a trauma...)

oh, wait, loved that Uhura came by and heard Spock playing, so maybe, maybe finally we’ll see Spock playing and Uhura singing, or Spock teaching her

[the-last-dillpickle]

DS9 prompts under the cut from DS9agogo’s 2010 Station Log Ficathon on LJ

>>

GEN

- Ezri Dax, prompt: sliding across a bridge of sighs

- Kira Nerys and Mora Pol: After Odo has returned to the Great Link

- Jadzia Dax, where the sky is the limit

- Quark and or Odo: not as adversarial as it may at first appear

- Kira Nerys, Julian Bashir, in the line of fire

- Nog and Jake Sisko, friends will be friends

- Three generations of Siskos. If you can work in Benjamin's sister and her family, as well as Benjamin and Kasidy's child, so much the better :D

- The reconstruction of Bajor after the Occupation and/or the reconstruction of Cardassia after the Dominion War.

- After curing a plague on Bajor, Julian is proclaimed by most Bajorans to be 'sent by the Prophets'. Then Julian has visions much like Sisko and he starts to question his sanity. Kira and Sisko play a big part, anyone else is up to you. You can pair him with whoever or no pairing at all.

- "Where's Garak?" : Insert Garak into an episode or a scene where he doesn't appear, but should have

- Dear diary, Judy Blume style.

- Kai Winn's brush with atheism.

- Keiko's experiences adjusting to the station. Make her likeable!

- Remember the "puppy" from episode 1x17: The forsaken? Considering that the whole computer system was fried at least once, whatever happened to the puppy?

- Miles O'Brien, Keiko O'Brien, and Kira Nerys. (Slashes optional.) Experiments in marriage, partnership, and parenting: sometimes painful, sometimes joyful, always difficult.

- Kai Opaka and Vedek Winn. "One must never look into the eyes of one's own gods."

- Five things Tora Ziyal didn't live to do, and one she managed just in time.

- Sisko, Jake and a cooking lesson. I'd love to see fic that highlights that awesome father-son dynamic they have, whether it turns out comical or poignant or serious or whatever. HET - Sisko/Jadzia Dax. Things happen between them. Sisko is freaked. Dax is... not so much.

- Odo/Kira, if we'd had a moment to ourselves/We'd be unstoppable

- Odo/Kira Reuniting after Odo fulfills his obligations to the Great Link/heals the founders. Bittersweet or happily ever after, whatever feels right.

- Odo/Kira. Quark POV that gives away how genuinely fond he is of both of them, and of course how happy for them if it's after they get their shit together.

- Jake/Ziyal - Will you marry me?

- O'Brien/Station Computer - "Computer... you and I need to have a little talk." (Mod put this in het because the computer has a female voice.)

- Worf/Jadzia, lighten up and you might just learn a thing or two

- Worf/Jadzia a new skill, preferably something Dax has never encountered before but has to do with Klingons. This is in exchange for Jadzia teaching him something particularly Klingon. SLASH - Weyoun/Dukat either non-con or semi-con. I rather like the idea or Dukat or Damar getting punished by Weyoun.

- Garak/Dukat Anything absolutely smutty would be amazing. No fluff or cute stuff.

- Odo/Quark I can't help myself

- Julian Bashir/Miles O'Brien; prompt: boys and their toys (can be either gen or slash)

- Garak/Bashir. An AU where Bashir is kicked out of Starfleet because of his genetic enhancements, but he is able to find a way to stay on Bajor/on the station, and this sets Garak and Bashir's relationship on a different course than in canon.

- Garak/Bashir. An AU where Bashir is kicked out of the Federation because of his genetic enhancements, and becomes an exile too.

- Garak/Bashir. An AU where they’re all on a starship and Cardassia is a new-ish member of the Federation. Garak is one of the first Cardassians to serve in Starfleet.

- Garak/Bashir. An AU where Bashir and Garak meet when they’re younger, that has a happy ending, please!

- Garak/Bashir, ensemble cast, any other pairings. A complete fantasy/magic/medieval AU. Instead of planets, Cardassia/Earth/Bajor/etc are countries, etc.

- Garak/Bashir, ensemble cast, any other pairings. An AU in which Cardassia didn’t just take over Bajor, but the entire Federation. The characters are all part of ~the resistance~, and Garak has trouble figuring out where his loyalties are. Happy (or at least bittersweet!) ending, please- no Garak betraying them all, etc.

- Garak/Bashir. Post series. Garak and Bashir are somehow reunited, but not using the trope of Bashir going to Cardassia to help with the recovery.

- Garak/Bashir. Post series. Garak and Bashir keep in contact throughout the years, while Garak helps rebuild Cardassia and Bashir is still working in Starfleet. Of course, eventually they meet again, though!

- Garak/Bashir, ensemble cast, any other pairings. Post-series. All the main "characters" are having a "reunion", but no one actually thought that Garak would show up- including Julian Bashir, who hasn't seen Garak in years.

- Garak/Bashir, ensemble cast, any other pairings. A disaster occures in the Federation and the characters are all drawn back together.

- Garak/Bashir. Garak knew about Bashir’s genetic enhancements before everyone else… but not because he “figured it out”. For some reason Bashir told him, or when they were in trouble/danger it came out.

- Garak/Bashir. Something with Bashir actually using his genetic enhancements and saving the day/etc.

- Garak/Bashir. Bashir rescues Garak. Featuring Bashir being generally awesome.

- Garak/Bashir. Somehow Bashir unexpectedly ends up with a baby/kid, courtesy of an old girlfriend, and of course he has absolutely no clue what to do. But to the surprise of everyone, Garak is surprisingly useful and enthusiastic- children are very important to Cardassians, after all. Even more surprising is the route their relationship takes as taking care of the he kid brings them closer.

- Garak/Bashir. As a reverse of the norm, Bashir muses on Garak's beauty/attractiveness.

- Garak/Bashir. Bashir knows that Garak likes to get off the station, but rarely gets to, so he invites Garak along on his vacation, not knowing that this vacation will change everything between them.

- Sisko/Bashir, something that deals with how impossibly young Julian seems at the beginning of the series and how much he changes over time.

- Sisko/Bashir - they shared an unpleasant time during the days leading up to the Bell Riots. Maybe it brings them closer once they're finally back to their own time?

- Sisko/Bashir. Kasidy ends things with Benjamin, because she's figured out that he's in love with someone else. Ironically, Benjamin hasn't worked this out for himself yet.

- Jake/Bashir during "Fascination" (Season 3). When Lwaxana's aboard the station, inadvertently messing with people's heads, it's not Kira that Jake fixates on.

- Jake/Bashir - Jake Sisko's got his heart set on Julian. Julian doesn't quite know what to do with that.

- Jake/Bashir, Sisko finds out (on purpose or otherwise).

- Dukat/Garak. They get into a fight after Garak catches Dukat in his quarters. When fighting, they begin to have rough, passionate anal and oral sex while spewing insults at each other. Dukat walks out grinning with the taste of Garak still in his mouth.

- Dukat/Sisko. Alternate scenario in which some hot-lovin' happens in the cave they're stranded in during "Waltz." THREESOMES/MULTIPLE PAIRINGS - Something canon compliant Bashir/Ezri/Garak as an actual threesome.

- Garak/Bashir, Kira/Odo. Garak, Bashir, Odo, and Kira all have to work together to Save The Day. I will have your babies if both couples get together during the story- developing relationships ftw.

- Garak/Bashir/O’Brien. Post series. Bashir and O’Brien are in a relationship, but Bashir has kept in contact/comes back into contact with Garak, and something happens to cause him to realize that he loves Garak too.

- Garak/OFC, Garak/Bashir. To rebuild & repopulate Cardassia, Garak gets married. Bashir realizes that he's lost his chance. Bashir visits Cardassia over the years, and is like, "Uncle Julian" to the kids. But Garak and Bashir do get together in the end!

- Garak/Bashir/Mirror!Garak. Garak is on Cardassia (for any reason). Feeling horny, Bashir decides to travel to the AU to try to seduce AU!Garak. When Garak returns from Cardassia early to find Bashir gone without explanation, he knows exactly where he's gone. Garak goes to the AU in a fit of jealously but ends up joining in on the fun.

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

Aries 

No matter what you think, we’re not here to judge you. Others might, but we won’t. To that end… You didn’t want to take down your… “Year-End Holiday Lights”, and that’s OK! But may we suggest you trade them out for those new-fangled color-programmable ones? Slave them to your Home Automation system and they’ll change with each new holiday’s theme with no direct input from you. Sadly we’ve already passed May 9th, which was Lost Sock Memorial Day. So add that to your holiday list for next year. 

Taurus 

Let’s face facts - you are never going to beat that Super Mario Brothers Arcade Game High Score anytime soon. Oh, you were good in your youth, and you could afford to buy an original 1983 coin-op cabinet to play on… but do you really think you can score over Five and-a-half Million Points to take the world record away? We don’t think so either. Save that $1,500 and take a vacation next month. 

Gemini  

Remember the cartoon series ReBoot? It was produced between 1994 and 2002. One of the opening lines was, “They say the User lives outside the Net and inputs games for pleasure.” Well guess what was released to the public in 2001 by Nintendo. That’s right… a Blue… Game… Cube! If Mainframe Entertainment had TradeMarked that term, they could’ve gotten some kind of marketing deal with Nintendo and had Money To Spare! (*Sigh*) This week, try to think way ahead.

Cancer Moon-Child 

There’s a specific set of dice that are used in table-top gaming: D4, D6, D8, D10, D12, and D20. They’re all some typical geometric shapes, but. There have been some weird ones that’ve come down the pike ever since. So yes, you can buy a D1, which is a form that ALWAYS lands on a specific side, and the D7 which is a Klingon Battleship. This week, remember that The Fourth will be with you, Always. 

Leo 

You remember hearing how “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees is one of the best songs to use to time your CPR Compressions? It’s not the only one. You could use ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor, “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies, or, ironically enough, “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen. But if you really want to screw with the person’s head as they come to, have everyone around you hum “The Imperial March” from Star Wars. That’ll scare them enough to wake them up without resorting to smelling salts. This week, listen to some old music again.

Virgo 

Speaking of Smelling Salts… Don’t use them! Sure, it’s kinda funny to use them as a prank to wake up your friends when they’ve fallen asleep first at a party, but don’t use them when playing sports. Yes, you can get a hit of oxygen into your blood due to more respiration, but you don’t need it. You’re an umpire… at a Pee-Wee T-Ball league. Just relax this week.

Libra 

It’s five o’clock somewhere, so you might as well have a drink!  Come to think of it, have a lot of drinks, but make it a challenge; Run something through your Soda Stream that isn’t supposed to be. Something alcoholic. Better yet, you’re smart and innovative. The patent for the original “SodaStream”.. OH, sorry… the “aerating liquid machine” expired a long time ago. Go ahead and redesign it to work with liquors and make a killing in the Novelty Bar Drink market!  

Scorpio 

Speaking of drinks, Scorpio; This week you’re going to visit an old house. Make sure you have an extra-bright flashlight with you because you’re going to find a bomb. Not a munition, but an old Hawaiian Punch tin can from the early 1980’s. It’ll look like a blue and red mis-shapen rugby ball. DO NOT TOUCH THIS UNHAPPY ABOMINATION! Just take a picture and walk away. Leave disarming that to the professionals.

Sagittarius 

You need to clean up your Whatnot Drawer in the kitchen, like it or not. First off, that bag of rubber bands? They’ve dried up and crumbled into chunks. The super glue hasn’t dried out yet, but it’s almost ready to spill all over the battery cases. And as for those, you have three locations where you’ve been storing batteries. Just condense it into one place. This week just… get your act together.

Capricorn 

Sexy asked for, sexy delivered. We’re challenging you to buy the thinnest, tightest bikini possible for the summer. And before you ask, no! You’re not going to buy it from Wicked Weasle, the Barely There Bikini Shop, or Bitsy’s Bikinis. Head out to your local hardware store and get yourself a gallon of Benjamin Moore Latex, a 3-Inch natural-hair brush, and an understanding get-away driver for the beach. Good luck!

Aquarius 

You get a sexy one too! You’ve been worried about your weight, and we’re going to tell you not to. A couple kilos isn’t gonna kill you, and it might even be fun. Some of your clothing’s gonna fit a little tighter, look a little smoother, and need you to reconsider sporting underwear to keep the lines unblemished. Now, remember, we said “a couple” kilos, meaning two; not three or four. You start making excuses and rationalizations and you might as well buy an emergency sewing repair kit. Actually, do that anyway.  

Pisces  

When everyone said, “May the Fourth be with you”, and you answered back, “- and also with you”... We get it. It’s OK. It’s like muscle memory now. You can stop being embarrassed about it now. Just take a breath and have a drink of wine to calm your nerves. But, you know… not that watered down stuff. Drink the GOOD stuff. Riunite… on ice. It’s So Nice! (Yes, it’s a hold over from last week’s commercial theme. It was tough coming up with one for you, alright?)

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[botslayer]

Dumb Star Trek show concept: Worf in reverse but on steroids. IE: A bunch of Klingons end up with babies from federation species. (Xindi, human, Vulcan, etc) the show is about these like ten adopted children growing up together on Kronos and dealing with honor and whatever BS.

 Klingon father: "What troubles you, Sijeel?"

Romulan daughter: "... Dok said Romulans have no honor."

KF: "... I will have words with his mothers. In the meantime, remember that Dok is a Ferengi. He has less honor than that."

Immediately smash cut to an argument between this Klingon man's man and a moments ago happily sparring lesbian couple about what they're teaching their child.

----

Xindi child: “YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME, DAD!”

Klingon father: “Son, I have tried every conceivable way to relate to you, I have given you a hundred things from Xindi culture... But the fact is that you’re a lizard and it’s difficult for a mammalian species to--”

XC: *Runs off to his room in a huff*

KF, swallowing angry-sad rage bellows as he looks at his wife: “What would you suggest?”

Klingon wife: “That he needs space to think.”

-----

And then some of them actually have regular Klingon Children which they had after or before adopting the lost kids which often plays out something like this:

Bully: "Your brother is a lazy, honorless coward!"

Brother: "He is every bit the Klingon you are not!" And then his brother, an arboreal Xindi, is just off some place painting a war mural.

[asphodel-storm]

Hawk isn't a spy.

He's not a spy mainly because it'd be cheap to essentially erase his big defection moment - to undo something the show had been building and building to - but even if we set that aside it just makes zero sense.

1) Kreese doesn't need a spy. What's he going to report? "They practiced karate AGAIN today, sensei."

2) If Kreese DID want a spy, Hawk is the worst choice. Almost everyone at Miyagi-Fang is already wary of him. Who's going to spill sensitive info (if it did exist) to him? Unless Kreese wants to know super specific info on, say, Demetri's TV opinions he is a terrible option. "He likes the new Klingon design until he imagines Worf looking like that, sensei."

3) It's not exactly hard to infiltrate Miyagi-Do. They advertised on YouTube for anyone to come for free. If Kreese needed a spy he could send literally any unknown non-Hawk child people don't have the same dicey history with. He (well, Terry) could pay someone. Or not. Because WHY?

4) Hawk would also just hate being a spy. And I mean a hypothetical Hawk that didn't defect and is still Cobra Kai for life. He wouldn't want to even play at the idea that the identity he's built around Cobra Kai wasn't solid, never mind let the other Cobras think he was a traitor/"pussy". "I secretly held my breath during the breathing exercises, sensei! Nobody's gonna trick me into that inner peace bullshit. Inner war all the way!!" "You're yelling and your cover is blown."

5) If Hawk hadn't already defected for real sending him in as a spy would result in him defecting for real and I think Kreese would kind of figure that that'd happen. As much as he takes Hawk's loyalty for granted through S3 I think he also saw more overall potential in Tory in part because she has fewer outside ties (less of a potential support system if she left) than Hawk.

6) Kreese knows the other Cobras would want to punish a traitor. It's how he's taught them. If he set Hawk up as a traitor Kreese runs the risk of his spy ending up in the ICU without any useful intel.

7) If he had a spy the point would be to get intel on Daniel or Johnny, not the kids, and Hawk would just not be in a position to get that. He'd need an adult spy at the dealership or beach club, and I don't see Walter Hawkman convincing Daniel to become his drinking buddy.

That's all for now. May add stuff.

[dark-side-laegrinna]

*boomer voice* GATHER ‘ROUND TNG FANS AND LET ME TELL Y’ALL A STORY OF MY YOUTH

My dad got me and my sister @coffeematejc​ into Trek with TNG when I was about 13 or 14. This was the mid-90s - probably before a lot of you were even born. We were obsessed. My mom thought Trek was stupid, so we only watched it with my dad when we visited him on the weekends. It was an escape for me, a socially awkward huge nerd who went through living hell in junior high.

So Dad gave us an amazing Christmas gift - a Star Trek TNG VHS board game.

I cannot even describe how excited we were. It came with rank pip and com badge stickers which we definitely did not wear when not playing the game to pretend we were Enterprise crew members. You would draw ranks at the beginning and getting Cadet (the lowest rank) was the ultimate shame.

So the game starts with the players alone on board the Enterprise as the ship is docked at a starbase being repaired and most of the crew is on shore leave.You play the video and you hear Riker speak about it.

Then the antagonist shows up. And it’s none other than MOTHER. FUCKING. GOWRON.

Except his name is “Kavok.” And you puny humans are to address him as CAPTAIN Kavok. And he’s in full control of the ship, and intends to take it to Qo’Nos and kamikaze that shit to start a Klingon/Federation war. FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE.

You now have 60 minutes to find 5 isolinear chips to access the computer, break into the security room to grab a phaser, and crawl through the Jefferies tubes to the bridge to stop him. Sounds easy, right?

Then THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS. Your anxiety goes through the roof as Gow- er, Kavok will show up at random times and DEMAND you answer him immediately. Then he will taunt you. He will ask you your name, and, scoffing that it’s a child’s name, will give you a new Klingon one. You get “Suvwel” (leader), “Gagh” (his favorite food of course), or “Puj” (weak), depending on your rank. Oh, the devastating shame of being lowly Puj.

When he appears, he will make you take the mighty “Challenge of the Kligon Sword” to determine your destiny, or make you suffer by doing things like putting you in a stasis field, which means your game piece gets trapped in a little plastic tube. Or even better... you get to “EXPERIENCE BIJ.”

“Bij” is, apparently, Klingon for “punishment.” If you get Bij’d, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A BAD TIME. However, there's a chance you can evade Bij by a computer malfunction (how the computer affects the deliverance of Bij is beyond me). If you have the tragic misfortune of being Puj, then it’s EXTRA Bij for you.

As the clock ticks away, the tension builds. With about 5 minutes left, Kavok offers the player with the least progress to escape in a shuttle. DON’T YOU DARE CHICKEN OUT YOU COWARD. The ominous music begins. Your anxiety has skyrocketed above the atmosphere, into space, and is now orbiting the moon. More Bij is doled out.

The computer malfunctions again, making it easier for you to get to the bridge, but you have less than a minute. Red Alert is activated and you’re all biting your nails. If only 2 of you are playing and your pal bailed, welp, you’re shit out of luck because Kavok puts the one closest to winning in the time-out tube.

Then the timer hits zero. You’re FUCKED. Klingon Birds-of-Prey appear and Kavok fires on his own brothers. The Enterprise is knocked around and in true TNG fashion he sways comically, accompanied by a primal “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

BOOM. You’re dead.

....but wait! Ever-so-coincidentially, the Enterprise happened to enter a time loop when they docked at starbase. Now you can warp back in time by rewinding the tape and start all over again!

To this day, Dad, Coffeemate and I still tell each other to “EXPERIENCE BIJ!”

I found it on YouTube if you want to EXPERIENCE BIJ yourself.

[droids-in-disguise]

Now that season 2 of Picard has had time to marinate in my brain I have begun to realize how much I didn’t like it.

(This post is all spoilers, you've been warned).

There were moments and scenes I really enjoyed (see: Raffi and Seven working together, Q's final send-off, Picard dealing with his childhood trauma and learning the importance of not living in the past…) but I think the season as a whole was less than the sum of its parts.

This post does a really good job of explaining a lot of the issues I have in regards to how the characters were treated, especially Rios, so I won’t go too much into detail about that particular problem, but there are some things I want to add.

Season 1 and 2 feel like they have basically nothing to do with one another. I honestly don't have a super great memory of what went on in season 1, so it's a bit of a red flag that at no point in season 2 did I feel the need to look up something that had happened in season 1. It's one thing to have season long story-arcs, but they should still tie into the greater story that the show as a whole is trying to tell. Look at Discovery, season 1 is about the Klingon-Federation war and season 2 is about the Red Angel but they still fundamentally feel like the same show and things that happen in season 1 have consequences for season 2. I firmly believe you could watch season 2 of Picard without seeing the 1st season and have the exact same viewing experience as someone like me who has seen the first season.

Soji, Laris, and Elnor are entirely sidelined as characters after the first couple of episodes and it's made especially jarring by the fact that Soji and Laris's actors are still in the show they are just given entirely new characters to play (????).

I know I said I wasn't gonna talk a lot about Rios (really, go read the post I linked) but the dude literally gets detained and almost deported by ICE and the writers decide that the ending that makes sense for his character is for him to stay in the 21st century where he gets racially targeted and knows nobody aside from one woman and her child, instead of returning to the 24th century with the found family he already has. And then we hear from Guinan he eventually dies in a bar fight???? And you can't tell me that the rest of the crew would be so ok with him staying behind, Raffi especially. For all the ways Raffi cares about Elnor, Picard, Agnes, and Seven are you really going to tell me that she's ok with Rios dooming himself to live in a hell century that they all KNOW is going to be shit because they're from the future. If I was Santiago Cabrera I would be pissed.

Also, Picard's whole journey being about not living in the past only for Rios to do EXACTLY that? You've got to be kidding me.

The side plot with Dr. Soong and Kore, what was even the point of that and am I alone in not giving two shits about it? I get there needed to be some antagonistic force threatening the future, but Q was already there, use him!

I honestly don't have high hopes for season 3 especially now that it's been announced that the Next Generation cast are returning. Could the writers truly not figure out anything to do with the new characters that there was such a need to bring back characters who already had 7 seasons and multiple movies worth of content? Like, don't get me wrong, I love Next Gen, but I don't want a rehash of it, if I wanted to watch Next Gen I would just go watch Next Gen, not season 3 of Picard. I want to have more adventures with Raffi, Elnor, Rios, and Agnes but clearly that is never going to happen.