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mileshehimwhite · 6 months ago

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ok i know this is played out but i wanna touch on how music is generally seen as one of the most socially acceptable art forms. it is impossible to live as a human and escape music, its everywhere. however, that really doesnt mean that music is upheld as an art worth discussing.

id say its pretty fair to point out poetry and music are fairly similar mediums. they cross over all the time, and the distinction of the two is more of a matter of subjective taste than concrete lines. something interesting ive found with poetry is that its not as easily accessible by the masses as music - why not? much of poetry is melodic or could be easily transformed into song. the iambic pentameter is infamous for its specificity when it comes to syllables, very akin to how lyrics in music must conform to certain tempos or become a noisy cacophony.

the kendrick vs drake beef has brought the idea of music being poetic back into the mainstream. i say "back into" but any kendrick fan can tell you that hes always incorporated poetic devices into his lyrics and instrumentals to illustrate the theme of his song/album better. its fun! its a way for him to showcase his skills while also making the music a participatory act for the audience. almost like a scavenger hunt, you know everything is THERE, its up to you to find WHERE. however, the beef has far surpassed kendrick and drake fans, hiphop/rap fans, and has become a discussion point for those who have absolutely no background in these mediums. this is not a diss, its an acknowledgement that for those of us who have and do revere music as an artform, a lot of the talking points can come off as very beginner - because they are, they're made by beginners who are finding their foothold in this new world, just like we all did at one time whether we were 5 or 50 when we first started.

disclaimers aside, my grievances aren't with the people intrigued by accusations. i mean, i dont like 2010 pop very much but if katy perry called pink a pedophile you bet your ass id have tuned the fuck in. im not even sure if thats a comparable accusation, as i think katy perry was more popular than pink? i dont know, you get my point. the accusations are more indicative of the system they're both existing in than kendrick saying this one guy sucks and if we get rid of him and his groupies hollywood will be rainbows sunshine and happiness forever. like, we should still get rid of him, but the systems in place that let drake rise to the level hes at and profit so widely from the communities he claims to represent wont disappear with him, they'll just find the next drake, or taylor swift, or james corden, literally fucking whoever fits the mold they need them to fit into, and if they dont, then adapt to the mold assigned to them. the system continues, the gears keep turning.

i dont even want to talk about the beef necessarily, though i do want to talk about the two songs meet the grahams and Not Like Us. meet the grahams was the heavy-hitter. the one that got everyone talking. Not Like Us was the chaser. a sweeter mixture to dull out the bitterness in the audience's mouth. there's been more controversy about the lyricism in Not Like Us than meet the grahams, and i find that it comes from a lack of understanding of what artforms really are - communicative devices. they're not trying to TELL you something, as something like a report or spreadsheet would with its analysis of sourced data, but it's trying to make you EXPERIENCE something. you can hear the sentence "Treat others the way you want to be treated." all your life, but if you've never experienced a situation where you need others to treat you with the same humanity they hold for themselves, it's a lot less impactful.

Not Like Us showcases exactly what kendrick lamar has already shown us repeatedly: he not only understands people, but he knows how to get through to them. meet the grahams will inevitably go down as one of the most vicious disstracks of all times, yes, but who's bumping that shit? nobody. its not supposed to be bumped. people discuss how it sounds very eerie and frightening, and its SUPPOSED. TO. BE. the instrumentals weren't picked for no reason. the unintelligible yelling in the background? purposeful. the vocals of kendrick going in and out of rage, of him simultaneously saying he wants drake dead and also that he wants him to improve himself by going through ego dissolution? purposeful. this is not just kendrick showing his own emotions regarding the scenario, he's priming the audience to be on his side by proactively aligning himself with their emotions - which leads me to Not Like Us.

okay. like, even the title you see it clearly. Not Like Us. kendrick, even before the song begins, has the audience creating an Us VS Them dichotomy with drake and his crew. kendrick also doesnt define a clear 'us' within the song - he does directly call out drake's culture vulturism in his music, but notice how deliberate he is with it. kendrick points out how drake uses "the people" to get himself a larger paycheque. that is, purposefully, relatable to every working class person regardless of race or location. he uses specific black people in his examples because of drake's anti-blackness, and while he mentions drake being half white in a few of his songs his criticism is always very carefully cushioned by the fact that kendrick DEFENDS drake's white half. he says hes a culture vulture for profiting off of such an important artform made by and for black america, yes, but he also points out that the inauthenticity towards his mother's side of the family and his nationality as canadian is pathetic and disloyal. he SPECIFICALLY MENTIONS how drake lied about his religious views not because kendrick hates the jews secretly but because DRAKE CAN'T PROFIT OFF OF BEING JEWISH THE SAME WAY HE CAN BEING BLACK. that's why he doesn't claim being jewish as hard as he does being black, if the inverse was true i doubt drake would EVER try to 'fit in' to the hip-hop crowd, in the same way he rarely if ever mentions his upbringing in a jewish household.

this is very important and VERY strategic of kendrick. he CANNOT be making enemies in this stage. kendrick has been banking on this reaching far past hip-hop/rap crowds. drake is fluid and, to the core, mainstream. therefore, kendrick NEEDS his lyricism to be just as easily approachable. think about the difference between kendrick's double entendres. "Tryna strike a chord and it's probably A Minor" has been a joke since, probably literally the day we quantified the concept of chords in music theory. some people criticize the line because of that, accusing kendrick of being a hack for using such an easy joke. what they dont understand is, THE JOKE HAD TO BE EASY. it had to simultaneously be easy to access for the general public and also still somewhat biting. kendrick already planted the seeds of drake being a pedophile in meet the grahams, and he's reaping his harvest by dropping that line and "Certified Loverboy, Certified Pedophile". they not only dont have to be clever, THEY CAN'T BE. they can't be more clever than what the layman would gather with one listen, they're his hooks in the song.

some people use Not Like Us as kendrick stepping up to the dick measuring contest on drake's terms. "oh, you think you so good cause you can write something that'll get em jumping? not only can i do that, i can do it BETTER." and i do agree with them! Not Like Us was incredibly well thought-out. it gives us basically no new information, but it doesnt need to, Not Like Us owes its purpose to beating people over the head with a few of the concepts addressed in euphoria. and meet the grahams, yes, and also to prime the audience against drake, yes, and also to show the audience that anything drake does you can get somewhere else and done better, YES! even the beat is produced by DJ Mustard, whose works are both familiar to rap fans, and widely loved. DJ Mustard producing it reinforces the Us VS Them. i mean, even casual listeners of rap have heard the notorious tag "Mustard on the beat, ho!".

im not going to claim this hasnt been pointed out before, i havent seen it, but im sure it has. kendricks discography has primed old fans to indulge in every lyric to make sure no nuance is missed. i dont think kendricks artistry has been in doubt once the entire time this beef has been widely popular. so it seems a little silly then, to start this goddamn dissertation off with a criticism of how music isnt treated with the same consideration by its fans like how a similar artform, poetry, is. and thats because... well, 1: music is way more popular than poetry, like i said. and that leads into 2: people dont recognize music as... important.

some music is. that's true. i mean, remember during the pandemic when celebrities were singing john lennon's Imagine from their mansions while the working class were dying from completely preventable causes? we can say what we will about that era, and oh boy do i have a lot to say, but it does prove that we on some level acknowledge the impact of music. why else choose a song? why not literally just say the words, or words to that impact? because music is better? well, no. people say impactful shit everyday - sans music. Inspirational speeches are a type of communication basically always devoid of music and yet they serve very similar purposes. so, no. music isnt always better. in fact, during the situation i outlined above, i could not think of anything WORSE than breaking into a little tune and jig. there is some tact necessary.

music, however, does excel in one thing inspirational speeches don't: community. this may make little sense, because inspirational speeches are notorious for being purposeful in their bonding of individuals into one united movement. but i want you to consider this: what role does the speaker hold? in inspirational speeches, they're on the same side as the crowd, yes, but they tend to hold some position above or differing from them. a figurehead or trusted authority figure to a movement. they're fighting for the same thing, but they're in a unique position to the crowd.

think about music in that same concept. the singer doesnt tend to hold that same difference. how could it? the audience sings along, the audience dances, the audience taps their foot or bobs their head, whatever participation is included, its necessary. kendrick's Not Like Us, no matter how eloquently reworked, would have NEVER gained the same traction as an inspirational speech. it would make kendrick seem too different from the masses. it would remind us that... he's a celebrity too. he isn't working class. he isn't the one getting affected most by drake's culture vulturism, misogyny, or alleged pedophilia. which would then ask the question: well... why didnt he point this out earlier?

some people are still asking that question, which i think does hold merit. kendrick lamar is not our friend. he has done amazing things for his community and black americans at large and we absolutely cannot discredit that, but kendrick lamar could personally fund my lifestyle forever and that still wouldn't mean i know him or his mindset. he is much more impactful to me because a lot of his songs about growing up in poverty or in crime-ridden environments resonate with my own upbringing, and hearing his experiences heightens that level of relatability because kendrick DID experience what he's writing about, unlike drake, but i also know me. i know people from my block, people who died or got on drugs. im aware that it isnt a black and white scenario, that someone could do amazing things in one area and hurt people in another, and that both are true simultaneously. kendrick himself is obviously aware of this, he addresses it routinely in his music.

i truly believe that kendrick lamar showcases an incredible wisdom of people in his music. i believe that is more necessary to contributing to music than having a good ear for what sounds right. music is a communicative tool, and kendrick knows exactly what to say, how to say it, and when, to elicit the response he wants. THAT is why the people who thought drake would ever win the beef were, at the very best, not paying close enough attention. roasts are not just insults, they're insights to another person's flaws. a metaphorical airing of dirty laundry to the public to initiate change. kendrick can get away with outright admitting he hates shit about drake for no reason and not be seen as petty because he articulates it in a way that has the audience agreeing with him. sometimes you hate somebody for a reason you can't pinpoint - and the funniest part is that kendrick CAN pinpoint exactly why he hates, for example, when drake says the n word. he literally goes on to say why! very explicitly! but now he's made it more comfortable for people to start bashing on drake for any given reason because "the vibes are off".

TLDR; be careful what you listen to, because theyre definitely listening to you.

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matsudaqko · 2 years ago

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Mini Review: The Unofficial Hatsune Mix

Blog by: MatsudaQko

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Volumes: 3 (English Version if this manga is an Omnibus)

Genre: Fanfare, Comedy, slice of life

Mangaka: KEI Garou

Rating: 7.5/10

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Song 1: The Mangaka and Art Mix

To start, I wanted to talk about the art and the person behind this series, because it's probably one of the more important aspects of this whole thing.

The person who draws Unofficial Hatsune Mix is none other than Kei Garou, who if you don't know, designed and is the artist for the popular digital singer Hatsune Miku.

This manga has of full color illustrations, of which you can find before you get into the reading part of it. (For the English Omnibus Version you find it before in-between transition from one volume to the next before reading.)

Looking at this and then his new art, you'll see just how far this artist has come, and just how much of a glow up he's had since making this back in 2008.

I think it's absolutely awesome that he drew for this, it makes it more special and personal to the character, with how passionate the people behind Hatsune Miku are.

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Song 2: Story and Layout Mix

There really isn't exactly a all out connecting narrative for this manga, in fact, it's more like 4komma manga, telling diffrent stories and narrative themes each chapter.

All the regular characters, Hatsune Miku and her friends (Kagamine Len and Rin, Megurine Luka, Meiko and Kaito), go on diffrent adventures and take on diffrent roles as you progress through each chapter.

One really cool thing about this is the way the chapters are set up, called songs, which matches up with the theme of using vocaloid characters as the focus of the story.

This story also has a lot of cameos from other recognized and popular characters within the Vocaloid community, such as Vocaloid Kamui Gakupo, Fanloids Akita Neru and Yowane Haku and the very popular Utau Miracle Diva, Kasane Teto. They all play into the story very well and in the same funny and charming way Miku and her other leads do.

It's a very fun read for sure, and definitely something to eat up if your a long time or new Vocaloid Fan!

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Song 3: Conclusion And personal thoughts Mix

To be honest, I really liked this. It's not particularly the best thing in the world, but it hits me with a special kind of nostalgia, in the same way Tokyo Mew Mew does for me. I enjoyed this a lot being a long vocaloid fan myself and it's a pretty digestible and quick read if you want something to keep you busy while you wait on deciding on a more focused narrative it might be next you wanna tackle.

I'd rate this a good 7.5/10 (as you've probably already seen), just because it's extremely easy going of a read, though most likely won't capture just anyone's attention overall. It's fanfare at its finest, and again, a fun read especially for Hatsune Miku fanatics and vocaloid lovers.

That concludes today's review! I hope you take some time, maybe consider if you wanna take a gander at the Unofficial Hatsune Mix. I hope you have a great day and keep on reading!!

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MatsudaQko 2023

#manga review #manga and stuff #manga blog #manga blogger #hatsune miku #kei garou #MatsudaQko #unofficial Hatsune mix #vocaloid #manga

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florasearle · 2 years ago

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David Wilson

Wilson is an art director

Inspired by Sugar Water music video-I’ve seen this!

Studied illustration at Brighton originally

Project for uni was an astronaut mockumentary where he made the costume - Life As An Independent Astronaut

Used one of Metronomy songs for his final piece - this video gave him his first commission after uni. Knew one of bands girlfriends. Now intertwined in each others lives. The animation was drawn individually on paper and cut out on photoshop. Just worked with what he could do.

Blink and Partisan- were cool companies

Doogle Wilson director

YCN- an illustrative version of D&AD. Brief was to create a response under 4 minutes. Zoetrope - sat with a record player and drew 16 drawings around record. Won him best budget music video award

Life is like a rollercoaster-it’s more like a line at a theme park. He just is showing us the rollercoaster parts. Most of it is leaning into and pushing.

It’s all in the preparation for these types of project

Artic Monkeys-wanted visuals for their track Do I Wanna Know? Wanted animation similar to their album cover. First went to directors of Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared but they were too busy. He drew the storyboards and had a team of animators to create the animation.

youtube

Arcade Fire music video, featured Andrew Garfield

Did commercial works in-between, such as Rowse Honey

Royal Blood music video

Retro Futurist Daddies-played with AI over his break. What the world be like with masculine gay men who are seen as an important part of society. Gay imagery is shown as cinematic and not underground

Still does scrap drawings and uses his illustration degree

Pulls references from music videos he likes

Also showed us the Mastoor video without the visual effects

Deep Clean music video

When starting music videos they pitched endlessly for years to get their ideas accepted (talking of creators of everything everywhere all at once whose ideas all got rejected). Made music video for Sleigh Bells band.

Created advert for Facebook. Based around the idea of small business and the tool to personalise ideas

Artists Way- 12 week course where it recovers artistic burnout. Recommend doing it as a group or with a friend to help motivate.

Important to be real in this profession. Everyone should be communicating their bad days to each other.

Shooting animatics like in Mastoor really helps

Encourage other creatives to advance ideas

Fuck the system

What are the thought processes to taking risks?:

Usually pushing against something - subversive to the brief (makes it exciting to him)

Breaking things is a brand he has made for himself

Bigger risks of the Deep Clean-seeing what was happening to the appropriation of queer culture. Anything overtly sexual within this community is often rejected-leather culture, cabaret culture. This got him riled up and passionate about the project. In his he’s making peace with the world, not taking risks

Narratives aren’t chronologically based, how does he storyboard these ideas, such as in Artic Monkeys music video

Going back to his foundation course and and an excise he was taught. Taking lots of A4 sheets of paper and folding them up 3/4 times so you get a row of 8 set a timer and draw in each of these frames. They had a brief of drag racing and sexy girls but it was a stream of consciousness.

Be your own AI machine.

How does he merge a visual together?

Directors Daniel Wolf will shoot shoot shoot with various cameras and figure it out in the edit

Wilson was taught how to structure his work through being with Doogle Wilson who would meticulously storyboard everything

Every second on set is money and so time is a pressure, storyboards help but it’s also important for some leeway to help actors/dancers etc

Eliminates the unknown before he spends money

Uses anyone around to help visualise camera sequences

Networking is the most powerful tool you can have

Did music video for The Maccabees

Being a creative doesn’t get easier

Don’t imitate other people

This talk was really inspiring as a person whose only skills reside in illustration, often feeling constricted in my abilities to expand beyond what I want to do and feeling limited by what I am able to do. I have always felt to be a person with ideas but without the means of execution. Wilson talked of how his ideas are given to people with the technical knowledge to execute them and this has reassured me in my future career. Though I may not be able to pursue this as a career, due to my lack of technical knowledge, it was inspiring to see how someone could use their visions as a career.

#unit3 #conceptsofvisuallanguage #Youtube

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yashio-san · 3 years ago

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It's hard to post regularly... Well here I come with a new Morfonica analysis! I hope someone still remembers me :_)

Today I wanna talk about the birthday illustrations! This post will be divided in two parts because of the image limit. This post is about Mashiro, Touko and Rui.

Birthday illustrations are really interesting because they represent the girls' personalities and the things they like as gifts from their bandmates. So, let's see what we've got here!

💙MASHIRO💙

Mashiro is a sweet and cute girl who has a dream to become someone significant. I like that she is blue-themed, because blue is accociated with calmness, kindness, softness and all such (at least I think so...) Her illustrations always fill me with joy. She collects stuffed animals and knits, such a SOFTIE... Look how happy she is on the third pic with all those plushies! She is their mom now 🥺

Her gift is a seal plushie, I wonder who gave it to her (mashirui brainrot activated) Also the same seal on the cupcake holds a sewing needle, so maybe it represents Mashiro herself? She is a baby seal your honor

There's also some interesting things in the big picture :

1. Mashiro follows a butterfly, gently holding her stage costume hat. So wholesome.

2. Why are there fish? I suppose it's either a dream or a metaphor, maybe a Shinkai Shoujo reference. Shinkai Shoujo is a perfect song for Mashiro, by the way, it's so sad...

3. There's a stone with the school motto in the background! It appeared in the beginning of Morfonica's BS1. I don't remember the words perfectly, but it said something like "Your radiance will light up your path". Tsukinomori literally has a motivational quote on a chunk of stone in their garden. So fancy.

❤️TOUKO❤️

Here goes our dorky fashion icon! Her gifts are all food, and I think it's from Nanami. Touko gave Nanami a bottle of spicy sauce for her own birthday, so it would be a fair exchange. Touko is having a time of her life eating fried noodles, and I'm proud of her.

There's not much to say about the first picture, but I like how it represents her two biggest passions – making clothes and playing guitar. Also a cute little detail – she's wearing a butterfly necklace. It would be so cute if she started wearing more butterfly accessories after joining the band! And I like those birthday glasses from the third pic! You go girl!!

💚RUI💚

I've already talked about Rui's 2020 birthday illustrations in this post about Rui slander. It's interesting too, so read that and come back here!

So, we see our beautiful beloved Rui-Rui being a little happier than usual. She's wearing glasses because she is smart and classy and everything

I don't like her pose from the second pic because it's strange, but here's a little detail: she is watching magical white flowers grow around her! You know what it reminds me of? BS2. Yeah, it came out later than the birthday pictures, but still it looks like a parallel... I'm probably reading too much into this lmao

There really isn't much to analyse anymore, I just love looking at her and thinking about her making friends and doing what she really likes instead of trying to reach some weird non-existent "perfection" that her parents created. She is my little meow meow and I will protect her with my life. >:[ 💚💚💚💚

#bang dream girls band party #bandori #bang dream #garupa #morfonica #rui yashio #mashiro kurata #touko kirigaya #yashio-san's textposts

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a-clockwork-justice · 3 years ago

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Everything I Love About Loser Geek Whatever

So, not too long ago, it was the third birthday of Loser Geek Whatever. Yes, I know the single was released on November 30th 2018 and its considered the song’s official birthday, but the 26th July three years ago was the first showing of the 2018 Off-Broadway revival of Be More Chill and the first time Loser Geek Whatever was shown to the world in any capacity. Therefore, I consider that day to be the song’s unoffical birthday and I’ve been waiting to write down everything I love about it so here I am. (This was originally gonna be posted on the 26th July but I can’t make anything concise so it took longer than that).

I’ve gone on and on about what Loser Geek Whatever means to me personally, how a slew of random chance introduce me to it, got me deep into Be More Chill, introduced me to 90% of my current friends, and overall up-ended my whole life, but now it’s time to dissect the song itself and why it’s so great. As much as I adore Loser Geek Whatever, it could’ve easily been any other song that threw me down a rabbit hole and that I could’ve latched onto- no, wait, it couldn’t have been, because Loser Geek Whatever is unique in that way. I did about a year of music at A-Level so I’m gonna delve into some of the technical aspects here too. I’m chronicling this mostly for myself so I am going as deep as I see fit because this song is a treasure hiding yet more treasures. If you happen to love Loser Geek Whatever as much as I do, this’ll be your goldmine.

So, grab a snack my fellow fans, because here’s a comprehensive list of everything to love about Loser Geek Whatever in roughly chronological order. Long post incoming:

The song starts off strong from the first millisecond - I don’t know what instrument(s) they used but just listen to the single version again - that opening chord blares at you like a siren. It calls for your attention, screaming this is incredibly important, and indeed it is. That chord, an F chord, has no indication as to whether it’s major or minor - it’s just the tonic F with its dominant C and another tonic F above it. In other words, it’s unresolved, it hangs in the air. From a narrative standpoint, Jeremy is at a crossroads, torn between giving into the SQUIP or staying loyal to Michael, and the music paints this. It has the same effect on both the single and album versions - I always hold my breath as it holds, it’s the gap in this crucial transition for Jeremy between who he was and him becoming something he isn’t.

To continue the thread of musical painting, the melody line contains the accidental E-flat which doesn’t belong to the key of F major. This once again illustrates Jeremy’s uncertainty, but there’s more - the whole introduction is a slowed-down version of the Apocalypse of the Damned theme from Two Player Game, arguably the point in the show when Michael and Jeremy’s relationship was at its strongest. Jeremy’s recalling everything he had with Michael, but the slowing down of the melody shows hesitancy, along with highlighting the accidental E flat. These latter points of course aren’t unique to Loser Geek Whatever - they’re also in the section of Upgrade that twins with Loser Geek Whatever. I’m just laying out why they work so well.

I’m glad I waited until after I saw the show in London to finish writing this - I’m something of a Loser Geek Whatever purist, as made clear by my ire at them cutting it in half and tacking the end of Upgrade back on for the London version. I still enjoyed the show in London though and I’m glad I knew about this change ahead of time, because they did change something about the song that I think really worked - they added two notes in the bass to each bar, like heartbeats, which once again signifies Jeremy’s uncertancy and the importance of this major turning point.

It’s been firmly established by this point that Jeremy is a loser and he knows it. He doesn’t want to be a hero, he just wants to survive, but there’s a difference between that and feeling “inconsequential.” Jeremy is basically admitting that, in his eyes, it doesn’t matter to the world or anyone except Michael if he even survives or not. He’s not just a loser, or a geek - he’s a whatever, with no one caring who he is. And he’s felt this way for years - since middle school began. He’s now in his Junior year of high school - that’s five years of being in this state of being unnoticed at best and picked on at worst. He’s “the one who’s left out”. With just one little line, hell, one word, we’re given more layers as to why he so badly wants to change that.

Moving from the first verse to the chorus, we start to see Jeremy’s attitude shift, from being sad to being angry - he’s frustrated, resentful that he’s spent so long in this state (A lot of people have made similar comparisons about Will Roland’s Jeremy as a whole in relation to Will Connolly’s Jeremy and I think this song exemplifies that). He doesn’t deserve to feel this horrible - not now and certainly not for the next two years until he and Michael can be “cool in college.” When you think about it, what options does he really have? He could either give into the SQUIP or reject it and go back to where he was, still miserable and lonely. Yes, he has Michael and Michael is an amazing, kind, loyal best friend, but as many have pointed out, he’s also dismissive of Jeremy’s feelings of inadequacy whether he means to be or not, which only made Jeremy feel more lonely. Should Jeremy just expect to feel better about himself at some point before college? He’s waited for years, why would that happen at any other point?

More layers baby! Second verse, Jeremy rants on about his father’s advice about following his own instincts and how it’s gotten him nowhere he wants to be. Come to think of it, Michael’s advice about staying the same and waiting for their environment to change can be seen as similar - it’s arguably easier for Michael as he has two loving mothers who undoutably give him plenty of positive reinforcement. Meanwhile, Jeremy’s mother has left them, which likely instilled further feelings of not being good enough, and his father has fallen apart to the point where he can’t even put pants on, let alone step up to take care of his son, meaning that Jeremy likely isn’t going to take his advice very seriously, especially after it’s failed him so thoroughly. But to Jeremy, the problem isn’t necessarily the advice itself - it’s that it’s being followed by him. So now he’s going to turn around and put his life and every choice in something else’s hands, even if - no, especially if it goes against his own instincts. It still doesn’t feel quite right, it “feels bizarre”, but it’s getting him somewhere, so it has to be right in the most meaningful capacity, and to Jeremy, the “most meaningful capacity” is any capacity that isn’t his own.

Now the best line - the one about being a “normal, handsome guy”. Let’s get this on the table - Jeremy is trans. Will Roland himself said that he often thinks of the show’s young trans fans when he sings that line. Naturally, societal transphobia plus gender dysphoria would have a pretty catestrophic effect on the self-esteem of any growing teenager, even more so one in Jeremy’s situation for the reasons I’ve just laid out. He’s probably missed out on a lot of things that “normal” guys take for granted, with most girls barely looking in his direction, let alone in any positive manner. Jeremy’s own sexuality aside, it’s mostly society, and the SQUIP by extension, that considers scoring with girls to be a “manly” or masculine activity, and through Brooke treating him as dateable material, Jeremy feels better about fitting into society’s rules of how a man should be and act. This isn’t the only reason he feels good about Brooke finding him attractive, of course, but it’s just another layer that Jeremy sees more value in conforming to how society says he should be rather than in how he actually is.

I know I just said that the last point was about the best line, but honestly, there’s more than one best line in this song. The bridge is where we start to see Jeremy’s language becoming more technologically inclined - “prompt”, “command” and “bandwidth” are all terms used in computing and used to show how Jeremy is likening himself, or his intentions, to a computer, effectivly merging himself and his SQUIP into one entity and Jeremy willingly giving over his own individuality.

And HERE, we get to the kicker. I’ve talked a lot about layers throughout this whole essay, about themes and motifs building on each other. Jeremy is essentially peeling back the layers of his own situation and only finding reason after deeper reason after deeper reason as to why he should follow the SQUIP and not be a loser anymore. Now, he hits the core, the seed, the crux of it all - “The problem has ALWAYS BEEN ME!!” Everything he is, everything that makes Jeremy Heere himself, is and has always been wrong. This line is a gut punch and EVERYONE knows it - the performer always takes a few seconds to let it sink in before continuing.

As an aside, I wanna mention the differences between the single and the album versions of the bridge. The album version starts of quieter after the vocalising of the last chorus, and builds up to the climactic final line, while the single version is loud all the way through but gets even louder and punchier at the end. Both are good, but I personally prefer the single version - the album sounds like Jeremy is broken and desperate and on the verge of tears as he reaches his inevitable but ugly realisation. The single is also desperate, but it’s pleading and all-consuming and a THOUSAND times more powerful, I get chills every time I hear it. (Side note, the London version starts of loud like the single and ends quieter like the album, almost as if Jeremy is reluctant to admit what he truly believes about himself, and it’s easy to see why, it’s a damn harsh condemnation).

“Take a breath and get prepared” - Jeremy sings to both himself and the audience. The first half has been heavy and we need a breather. Yet just before he goes over the brink, he has second thoughts. His conscience, his own voice in his head, breaks through, warning him that his choice will have consequences for other people than himself. People will get hurt - Michael most of all. Not just by Jeremy ditching him; here’s something else - when Jeremy is the “cool dude”, he might end up being a bully to those who are losers just like him, cutting them down just as Rich’s SQUIP made Rich do to him. Who would be the perfect target for Jeremy’s potential future bullying? His former best friend and fellow loser, Michael Mell. It’s pretty damn likely that if the SQUIP hadn’t optic nerve blocked Michael, it would’ve told Jeremy to pick on him, and even though Michael has ostensibly been pretty good at brushing these things off before, the takedowns would hurt a LOT more coming from his former best friend - and we know this because IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS, granted without the SQUIP influencing Jeremy directly (also let’s just clear up that just because the SQUIP wasn’t on doesn’t mean its influence on Jeremy hadn’t disappeared - that’s not how emotional abuse works).

Twelve years of loyal friendship, of borderline unhealthy codependency … can he throw all that away for Christine, a girl he’s thus admired from afar and is only just starting to get to know as a person? Moreover, even if Jeremy gets Christine, what about himself, who he wants to be? He just wants to be something other than himself because he thinks that anything is better but … what? The cool dude, the hero or … whatever. He’ll take anything because he’s that desperate, but what about when he gets it? Will he finally be satisfied? Will it be worth failing his one real friend, an act so scummy that the only way he could possibly stomach it would be to somehow pretend he hadn’t done it?

But none of those questions matter to Jeremy now - he’s fully gaslit into believing that every thought and inclination that comes from himself is wrong and shouldn’t be followed. He needs to sync up with the SQUIP and the rest of the world and mute his own defective inner voice. When you think about it, the relationship between Jeremy and the SQUIP is one of the most intense abusive relationships ever put to fiction - we’ve seen emotional abuse and brainwashing before, but here, Jeremy is literally preventing from THINKING the wrong way because the SQUIP can detect his every thought. See what I mean when I say that doesn’t go away when the SQUIP turns off for a few minutes?!

Throughout all of this is the undercurrent of Jeremy wanting to get better. He’s been trying so hard for so long to have a better life, but nothing has worked. Not listening to his dad, not trying to get closer to Christine through theatre, and certainly not listening to Michael’s advice to wait until college. Why should he resign himself to even more time being miserable with no end in sight? After all, being cool in college isn’t a guarantee. After all he’s been through, it’s his turn to finally be cool, after an eternity of being someone he doesn’t want to be.

Another best line in this song - “I’m Player One.” As mentioned a few times in the show before, like in the Broadway upgrade, Jeremy feels lower even in his friendship with Michael - he’s Player 2 as the more experienced Michael is Player 1. As previously established, Jeremy admits that he’s “not the one who the story’s about.” Now he’s ready to finally take control of his life, be the main character and have good things happen to him, and that means cutting out Michael, the old Player 1. The irony here is that Jeremy is less like Player 1 and more like a video game avatar. In reality, the SQUIP is Player 1, making Jeremy do whatever it demands of him.

More best lines! The slew of insults towards the end serves not just as yet more gut punches for the audience but as a major catharsis for Jeremy - It’s telling that the insults get harsher as his rant goes on, from the “weirdo” to the “weakling freak” to the “failure” to the climactic “please don’t speak”. He’s unloading everything that he’s been carrying over the years, ripping out the bullets that have been embedded in his skin and re-opening all the wounds in the process, but he’s done with the pain and he’ll never ever let himself be hurt like that again, if he follows the SQUIP.

I’ve made a whole post about the significance of the best line “Please Don’t Speak” before so I’ll mostly be repeating a lot of what I said there because it’s been a while since that post and because I want to. Who would’ve said that to Jeremy? Probably not Rich or Chloe, it’s not like them. It had to have come from an adult in a position of authority that could’ve commanded Jeremy not to speak like that - one that apparently did so enough times for him to internalise those words like he did the others. (Even worse if it was more than one adult ...). Out of all of the insults, it’s easy to see how that can easily be the most scarring out of all of them - how would an adult let a child know they’re inadequate? By silencing them. Making it clear that their expression of self not only means nothing, but should be forcibly avoided. Put like that, it makes it much easier to see how and why Jeremy fell under the SQUIP’s influence so easily - telling it was hardly different from authority figures he’s experienced before. In even more sad irony, as Jeremy claims that he’s breaking free and letting go of his past as the “please don’t speak”, he’s just walking right into another, similar trap that he can’t easily escape from. The SQUIP literally vocal cord blocks him during The Play - if that doesn’t say “Please don’t speak,” what does?!

The climax is growing! The music shifts into the relative minor as Jeremy fully gives in to the SQUIP’s evil influence. This is the point of no return, the point where he’s literally being surrounded and overtaken - if you’ve seen this on stage or even just a bootleg, you’ll know what I mean, when the lighting shifts and the circuitry start closing in around him, it’s wonderful. The bass ascends, Jeremy declares once and for all that HE IS NOT THE LOSER, THE GEEK, OR WHATEVER, and he never will be again! As some have pointed out, the sequence of notes on the final “again” is the same as at the end of Be More Chill Part 2, except the last note is different. In BMC part 2, it goes further down by a minor third, but in Loser Geek Whatever, it rises up to the same note it started with. This foreshadows Jeremy’s fate - that he will eventually overcome the SQUIP and that he still has it in him to do so. Man, let me just point out how amazing that last belt is - it lasts for a full 15 seconds in a really high range and takes a LOT of control to bring it back up to the high B without breaking. This song really was written for Will Roland - his voice can pull it off seamlessly, but other actors and understudies have had to find workarounds. No disrespect to them, it’s a damn hard song and it kicks ass all the way through. Scott Folan apparently had trouble with it too, but on the day I happened to see him, he pulled it off without breaking, so props to him!

Overall, Loser Geek Whatever is my favourite song in Be More Chill and not just for its sentimental value to myself. It’s a genuinely deep, complex piece that earned every second of its six minutes. Loser Geek Whatever is definitely the missing piece the show needed - not only is it Jeremy’s solo song, it’s also his “I Want” song and, in a way, his 11 o’clock number all in one, as he’s having a major epiphany after going on a journey, albeit only half of one. It’s easy to see why Joe Iconis dubbed this his anti-Defying Gravity, but it’s also easy to draw parallels to No Good Deed - how both Jeremy and Elphaba vow to become something that society is forcing upon them rather than what they are, even if that society’s will is objectively worse for them. Loser Geek Whatever deserves a thousand times the recognition it has and I still wonder to this day what the fandom reaction would’ve been if it had been in the original soundtrack.

So, that was it. I’m not sorry it was this long.

TL;DR: Loser Geek Whatever is wonderful and anyone who doesn’t think so is wrong.

#be more chill #loser geek whatever #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill meta #music theory #broadway be more chill #be more chill 2.0 #be more chill 3.0 #musical theatre theory #tw depression #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill analysis #tw emotional abuse #trans jeremy heere

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avgury · 2 years ago

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↳ picking theme songs is something that can be so personal

LISTEN HERE.

songs teddy relates to:

mitski - townie

there’s a party and we’re all going and we’re all growing up somebody’s driving, and he will be drinking and no one’s going back ‘cause we’ve tried hungry and we’ve tried full and nothing seems enough so tonight, tonight, the boys are gonna go for more, more, more and i want a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony and i want a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground i’m holding my breath with a baseball bat, though i don’t know what i’m waiting for i’m not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be!

genius lyrics describes this song as “capturing the coming-of-age attitudes of anarchy against parental principles,” which, yeah, that just about sums it up. but really, i think the desperate, erratic tone of this song captures the fact that teddy is constantly trying to reform the perspective of her life to make it somehow meaningful, because she’s so certain that she’s missing something; the lyrics “we’ve tried hungry and we’ve tried full but nothing seems enough” along with the lyrics “change is gonna come but when, when, when,” really illustrate how teddy feels perpetually unsatisfied, always living in the future as she tries to picture a life that will be right, where she’s doing something that matters, like a main character. equally as important is the lyric “i’m not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be,” which is perfect for teddy, who has so violently and anxiously rejected the perfectly normal lifestyles of her family members, at least mentally. she could not picture anything worse than a life where she’s exactly what her parents want her to be: simple and quiet and married and unextraordinary.

odie leigh - crop circles

all these words of mine i’ve said before i’m running out of things to say, silence i can’t endure every time, i think i’m done but yet, another crop of memories, it springs up in my head and i, i don’t think i’ve changed no, and i’m too scared to stay the same so my carpet’s got crop circles, my carpet’s got crop circles these days

i think this song really captures a lot of teddy’s overall anxieties - she absolutely doesn’t want to stay the same, and she’s constantly consumed by the idea that she’s somehow running out of time to become the person that she wants to be. she’s felt this anxiety for so long that it’s familiar and agonizing, and she quite literally does run crop circles into her carpet. she paces around for hours on end, back and forth, back and forth, with some kind of unplaceable restlessness she doesn’t know how to cope with stirring inside of her.

a song that captures teddy’s relationship (with romy):

beach bunny - entropy

you’ll get over it in a few months see the way that i blush when our lips start to touch and i’m emotional thinking about why i had any doubts from the words pouring out i can’t exhale, but i can’t hide the letters in my bedroom, the way my heart’s in bloom ‘cause somebody’s gonna figure me out it’s what i am, it’s what i was, it’s what i wanna be come yeah, somebody’s gonna figure us out and i hope they do, ‘cause i’m falling for you

this extremely slay song is all about a secret relationship, so what could be more fitting for teddy and romy? if you go and look at the rest of the lyrics of the song, it’s pretty clear (at least to me) that the people in this song were friends before eventually becoming lovers, and i’m like pretty seriously sure that it has to be about gay people just based on all the nods to internalized homophobia. this song fits teddy and romy especially well because of the line “somebody’s gonna figure us out, and i hope they do, ‘cause i’m falling for you.” i don’t actually think either of them wanted their secret relationship to be found out - it was secret for a reason, and anyways, teddy thought it was romantic - but i do think there’s something to be said for loving someone so much you want to shout it from the rooftops. i love the lyric “i can’t hide the letters in my bedroom, the way my heart’s in bloom” firstly because teddy has absolutely written romy at least one long-winded love letter, and secondly because i really don’t think teddy has the easiest time trying to hide her feelings for romy, because she loves her so much, and it’s so hard for her to not let her face betray that. like, her heart is in bloom, guys.

group theme song:

creedence clearwater revival - bad moon rising

i see the bad moon a’rising i see trouble on the way i see earthquakes and lightning i see bad times today don’t go round tonight well, it’s bound to take your life there’s a bad moon on the rise

this one pretty much speaks for itself, i think, but i will add that in the book the shining by stephen king, when wendy is driving, she hears this song playing as some sort of omen. that seems relevant to me because i do kind of get the shining vibes from phantasm; for example, the idea of the spirits that are tethered to a certain place reaching out to someone (jack torrance, or the saboteur in phantasm) and making them do things they wouldn’t otherwise do to people that they love is very tethered.

a song that teddy has a special connection to:

lcd soundsystem - all my friends

you spend the first five years trying to get with the plan and the next five years trying to be with your friends again though we’re running out of the drugs and the conversation’s winding away i wouldn’t trade one stupid decision for another five years of life and to tell the truth, oh, this could be the last time so here we go, like a sail’s force into the night and if i made a fool, if i made a fool, if i made a fool on the road, there’s always this and if i’m sewn into submission, i can still come home to this you forget what you meant when you read what you said and you knew you were tired, but where are your friends tonight? where are your friends tonight? if i could see all my friends tonight, if i could see all my friends tonight

this song is teddy’s hype-up song, especially during her senior year so far. the first bolded lines emphasize the way that teddy’s so caught up in planning everything and has trouble living in the present, but ultimately it’s her friends who bring her back down to earth and make everything worthwhile. the line “to tell the truth, this could be the last time” absolutely is referring to the fact that this trip is kind of their last huzzah with things being the way that they have been for the friend group. this song is so important to teddy because she honestly probably walks around late at night and has main character moments to it. i also think her dad was a big fan of lcd soundsystem, and he used to play it in the car when he drove teddy to school in the mornings. it’s kind of the only thing they have in common, so it means a lot to her and reminds her of him. if she hears it when she’s drunk she’ll start crying about how much she loves her friend.

the spooky 9 theme song:

lala lala - when you die

and if i could, i’d try again i’d predict what was ahead at the bottom of what made it stop i did such a real bad job and if i could, i’d do better save my friends from all this hurt take a picture of your brother, sorry for not leaving faster crashing cars on icy freeways keep my friend safe now and always turn the lights off, keep the bills low keep my friends safe, keep my friends close keep my friends safe night and day keep my friends safe now and always

i actually think everything about this is kind of self explanatory, even down to the title. the song as a whole is about death and trying to prevent it, and about wanting to keep your friends safe from anything bad that might come their way. since the spooky nine formed their friendship as the result of a dangerous, frightening situation, i kind of feel like to some degree, unity and safety has always been an emphasis in their group? and i’m not trying to godmod anyone’s characters and i’m also not trying to say that they’re, like, overly cautious, because i know that most of them aren’t. i just mean that i think it’s possible that looking out for each other was especially important to them, which makes this song fitting; on top of that, with the upcoming events that will no doubt put them in danger, i think a song that repeats the wishes to keep one’s friends safe makes a lot of sense. they have no way of knowing what’s coming for them this weekend, hence the lyric “i’d predict what was ahead,” but they ultimately just want everything to be okay, and for them all to stay safe. i think as her mun, i can tell you teddy especially wants this - for everyone to be happy and safe together, enjoying one another’s company.

#／ TEDDY . TASKS !#phantasm.task #／ TEDDY . MUSIC !#／ TEDDY . ABOUT !#used nies formatting hi nie love you

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d-criss-news · 3 years ago

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Actor And Producer Darren Criss Reveals His Creative Process

The producer, singer and actor talks his approach to songwriting, discovering his sound and how he’s ready for the next chapter.

We don’t know about you, but we’re currently experiencing the Bank Holiday blues. With the realisation that our days of summer maybe coming to an end were in need of uplifting sounds and singer-songwriter Darren Criss is keeping the energy going with his fun-filled EP “Masquerade”. Between the slick alt-pop productions and high-octane energy, the artist puts his theatrical abilities and prowess at the forefront of the EP. Laced with serene dance floor-ready melodies, the actor and musician instantly gets the party going on the project, kicking it off with “f*kn around”.

“The dirty secret is that every song is character-driven,” the artist revealed when discussing the project. “I just chose wording that could perhaps aid people into understanding this exploration of genre, this self-aware exploration of genre a little more. For those people that only know me as an actor, I’m trying to guide them into this notion of music and songs being a form of acting.”

No newcomer to the scene, the artist has spent the past decade gracing our screens in the cult favourite Glee and the thrilling Assassination of Versace: American Crime Story. Wanting to continue his musical journey in the form of producing and writing, we caught up with the multi-faceted artist talking his growth over the years, staying creative in a pandemic and how he’s ready for the next chapter.

Check out the interview below now…

Hey Darren, how are you? How has this past year been for you? It’s a strange question to answer because everybody’s answer is so much more complicated than what you can say in a quick easy tight polite answer. You know, I’m well, as well as one could be given the situation. I feel, you know, luckier than most. Even with the music that I just put out there’s still more that I’d like to do, but I got to do even more than I thought I’d be able to. So that tends to be kind of the theme of the past year and a half. I feel like I’ve been so consumed by working on so many things for so long, that not a lot of people outside of my inner circle know about that. You know, it’s been a lot of high output but seemingly low visibility. So now finally getting to put out some of these things and talk about them… tipped scale of visibility versus output is hopefully having a chance to even out for a bit, to where the amount of work I’ve put in can somehow match that people you know may or may not know about what I’m doing. You know, I’ve been really busy. I’m the kind of guy where if you give me a white canvas it’s a more…I wouldn’t say stressful, but I’m more likely to fill up a blank canvas immediately with as much shit as possible – I guess that is more stressful than having only a few places to fit things in, and I usually keep pretty busy. Ironically when I’m really busy, that’s when I can get stuff done. Like you know that phrase ‘if you want something done ask the busiest person in the room’, and I think there’s a degree of truth to that because you know, the chaos kind of begets chaos, and productivity begets productivity, and in a lack of anything else to do it was like ‘I wanna do all these things!’ and then it gets really crammed, so it’s nice to be kind of simmering down from this overwhelming call to arms to get as many things done as I could with this new unprecedented free time that I had. So, in short, I guess, am well if you wanna use that! I feel, I’m just relieved that a lot of this stuff can exist somewhere outside of my head but it’s a complicated answer, I’ve been able to do a lot more than I thought I’d be able to.

With everything that happened last year, was your creativity affected? The time that it yielded is the kind of time that a lot of creative people fantasise about. Of course, we would have all preferred it in a very different way when you say ‘if only I had time to sit down and work on this’. I think we all have; I say creative people but we all say, ‘if only I had time to paint the kitchen, learn a language, get in shape’, you know do something different that requires a bit of time and focus. We were all given that golden ticket, of course take that with a massive grain of salt, I’m fully aware of the price with which that came, of course if we had the choice, I don’t think any of us would have wanted it to happen the way it did. But none the less, for those of us who did take the time to focus, to hopefully be productive and proactive with the situation we were thrown into, it was creatively beneficial to finally get to address things that had been sitting kind of on deck and dormant in my mind, and it was just a matter of having the time to give them any attention. One of the joys of jumping between acting and music is there is a battle of time commitment, because neither one is a thing you can do casually. If you’re acting in something, there’s a great degree of scheduling that really eats up a large chunk of your day. While I’m in an acting project, I’m writing stuff and playing music but the actual logistics of producing music is as time consuming as the acting. I am envious of people that can kind of just show up, sing a song and leave. I, unfortunately, am not that kind of person. Writing a song is only a small piece of putting music out. Production really does take a large part of my emotional and intellectual efforts, and I really dive in head on. And that’s not even mentioning the promotional side of it. So, it really does take a lot of time to dive into those things, and I was finally given that. If anything, it was hard to decide what part of my musical menu that I wanted to serve up. It just came to a matter of what felt right at the time, what seemed fun. I kind of wanted to put out something that was positive and fun, and unapologetically so. And something that really showed up for a side of me that I felt like hadn’t been represented in the past. The musician side, and unfortunately, we haven’t been able to perform these very much. We’ve done little videos here and there. Stuff that really showed my roots as a musician, a garage rock guy, a guy that really likes getting in the weeds of production. In the past I’ve put up things that are a little more analogue, singer-songwritey, and this is more me as a producer and a musician.

How did you first get into music, what sparked the interest? Well, I’ve been playing music my whole life, and not casually either. It’s such a massive part of my identity, and that’s one of the main driving forces of me wanting to put out as much music as I possibly can. These five songs on this EP are a small part of a much larger body of work that I’m dying to get out whenever I can. When you’re a songwriter, or just in general a creative person, you have more ideas back logged than your body can execute. This is only a small part of a much larger puzzle, and a lot of these songs, the ones that I’ve put out and the ones I’m still trying to put out, are ghosts that have been haunting me however many years., some more than a decade, some more than two decades. The reason I mention this is because I’m trying to illustrate how pivotal music and making music has been throughout my life. I started playing violin when I was 5, and that was a big part of my cultural education, learning how to play an instrument that is so dynamic and requires a pretty specific ear and technical ability. Now I’m not saying I was fantastic at the violin, but I think the training that I had on it from 5 until my late teens really shaped the way that I would create music and think about music, certainly as a writer and a producer, but with just how I would jump between other instruments as well, because the violin was such a great touchstone for me to end up taking up the piano or guitar, or drums, or other instruments that would really formulate how I create music. Between being the orchestra nerd kid that played a lot of music throughout my young life, and also being the guy that would play in bands, its just been such a huge part of my life. As I’ve gotten older and gotten to understand this other version of myself that exists in more of a public view, that has little to do with that I know, I have started to notice that person, that avatar of myself, isn’t necessarily associated with music. And that was troubling to me, so I wanted to rectify that.”

And now you’ve just dropped your EP, talk us through your mindset going into the project? If I was just a recording artist, and that’s all I did, I’d like to think that I’d have a much larger body of work to show for. I feel like a lot of songwriters feel this way. There is just simply too much music…now I’m not gonna say it’s all fantastic, there’s a reason you have to triage the ones that you think are the best at the time, and there are many songs that I feel would be outdated, they feel very of the time 10 years ago. But you’re always trying to put your best foot forward with the pile you have lurking behind you. So, it is a hard thing to decide which thing you want to put out. Killing your darlings is always a hard thing, figuring out which ones to really focus on is difficult and it usually comes down to who you decide to collaborate with – right before the pandemic was one of the most tumultuous times of my career where I was producing and acting in a show for Netflix, and I was also kind of show running, acting, writing music for, editing, doing everything for this other show I created called ‘Royalties’ on another platform. I was doing both at the same time, and one of the things that made this possible was the people that I would collaborate with. A young man by the name of CJ Baron who I produced and wrote this EP with, he’s sort of the midwife that I chose out of working on Royalties because we had a lot of great songs together. I keep referring to myself as a producer, but I do it from a much more cerebral space, whereas he is a much better technical producer than I am. We really shared a lot in common, so by the time I realised that I wanted to make a piece of music you have to decide ‘who do I want to go down this yellow brick road with?’ And when I decide with CJ, that kind of already hinted at the kind of music that I would put out because he has his own fingerprint, and so I thought there’s something that I have that might mesh well with that fingerprint, so that kind of helps the decision process along of what songs am I gonna put out. But in another world CJ wasn’t interested, so then I think ‘Okay let me try and produce an album with this person’, and that person would reveal a different selection of songs. I’m very open to seeing what the universe is allowing and pushing towards, and I kind of follow that northern star to figure out what songs I’m gonna put out. But the mindset was always ‘put something out’, on a completely pragmatic level. What did I want to have to show for if whenever we got out of this crazy, new age of ‘what does this pandemic mean? We have time to do stuff, when it’s over what do I want to sit there and say that I accomplished?’ And at the very least I needed to put out a few songs, so that was really my mindset – no excuses, this is the time that you used to hope for, and so what are you gonna do if you’ve got the golden ticket, you’ve won the time lottery – so don’t fuck it up Darren! That was my mindset.

You describe them as character-driven singles, why is this? The dirty secret is that every song is character-driven, I just chose wording that could perhaps aid people into understanding this exploration of genre, this self-aware exploration of genre a little more. For those people that only know me as an actor, I’m trying to guide them into this notion of music and songs being a form of acting. The number one question I always get it ‘which one do you prefer?’ and I always say they are the same to me. When I’m an actor I treat characters, characterisation of my voice and body, characterisation of how I deliver words like a piece of music. You’re scoring it the same way, there’s cadence, dynamics, volume, nuance, all kind of things that can make ‘a piece of music’ unique to a person. And that’s how I treat dialogue and characterisation. The other side of that coin is I treat music like I’m acting, like each song has its own character when you’re playing live or recording in a booth. You are donning the proverbial mask of that character and what it requires. I really wanted to keep people into this idea that at the end of the day, it’s all performative and all part of a narrative that don’t necessarily have to do with each other and the way that if you ask Alexa to play a ‘Jack Nicholson playlist’ it would be very disjointed. It would be like okay The Shining, that’s a vibe, and then it would go to As Good As It Gets, and that’s a completely different vibe. They wouldn’t necessarily be on the same playlist, but they are distinctly and undeniably Jack Nicholson. So I always thought that it was a bit of a double standard that actors can do this but in music, you know, I’m proud of this but it’s also very annoying – a lot of my songs would probably not playlist together on the same genres because you have more jazz songs, like a trip hop chill tune that might end up in the back of a Starbucks, but that wouldn’t necessarily go on the same playlist as a tune like ‘I Can’t Dance’, which is a crazy song because it doesn’t even sound like me, I’m literally putting on a different voice, I’m singing like two different people putting on an affectation. There’s a lot of things that are very different but uniquely and distinctly me. The word masquerade is a celebration of a lot of different masks, and in theatre we talk about ‘The Masque’, and how each Masque has it’s own style, history and culture, and I really love the genre, and I love Masques, and I love things that make them interesting, and celebrating things that make them unique, and really trying to maximise their effectiveness as a genre with whatever tools I have as an artist, so that’s really what I’m trying to go for, this whole character driven idea is – it’s all a masquerade.

It very much has a fun-filled vibe to it, was this your intention and why? I’m not gonna sit here and pretend I sat in a studio saying ‘Hey lets not have fun!’, especially during a time that was as fraught with a lot of troubled times. This EP was recorded during very troubling times, so I think I’d be delusional to think that whatever joy is in this EP was not some kind of reaction to that, trying to offer something positive is definitely my MO in life in general, so that’s always gonna bleed its way onto my records. Like it or not. The intention is to record things that can be effective. If the vibe you feel is fun, great. If you feel any vibe at all, whatever the fuck that means, that’s a win for me. If that happens to be the word ‘fun’ then awesome, there’s a lot shittier adjectives that can be derived from this body of work so I will absolutely take it. My intentions are again to try and honour the songs. When you write something it has its own magnetic pull, it has it’s own gravitational pull that you have to kind of follow. If a song sounds a certain way, you want the lyrics to feel the same way that it sounds, and you want the production to feel the way that it vibes for lack of a better word. All songs have different body types and dressing it up and knowing how to tailor it to accentuate the things that make it fun or sexy is really sort of a strange alchemy. It’s not up to me how people experience it, but that’s what makes it fun. Once you put something out into the world it’s up to other people to use their own adjectives of the suit you tailor. I’m always excited when it leaves my head and becomes somebody else’s experience. So hey, if it’s fun – great!

What do you want people to take away from the project? Obviously, I hope people enjoy themselves. Any musician or artist would hope that there’s some kind of memorable experience to be had from it. If I was talking about what I hope people take away from it, that doesn’t have to do with the music itself, I hope that every time I put out music it’s me broadcasting this notion that this is something that I do, and that this is a big part of my identity. I think the songs themselves and what they’re about and how they feel are less of an insight into my identity as the notion of me putting out music is, because I feel like for any artist your journey is a constant negotiation between how you see yourself and how you would like to be seen, and how audiences are willing to see you. And you know, sometimes that balance is not always even. Sometimes the way they see you isn’t the way you see yourself, and sometimes the way you see yourself isn’t the same as the way they see you, so you want to be somewhere in the middle. And ‘Masquerade’ is a huge step forward for me to try and represent who I am and what I’m about to folks who might not see that. So that’s the biggest goal I think with any release but particularly this one.

Who would you cite as your inspirations? I’m one of those people that, when I say that everything inspires me, I’m not trying to be cute. It’s a problem. It’s an actual scourge on my life, where I find everything interesting. I find everything inspirational. It’s such a core belief that I have that there is inspiration to be derived from every walk of life. Stuff like from a lawn chair to a Bach cantata, there are so many things that can be interesting and incorporated into some creative output. It’s just all about how you look at it and how you can perceive and understand where it comes from. There are so many things that are inspiring to me. Of course, this is the massive macro answer that you weren’t looking for, you’re probably looking for ‘what artist are you inspired by?’ I think I’m just inspired by people who are really genuine to themselves, and this is an ironic answer considering that I actually try to be as many different people as possible. It’s a strange thing that actors are celebrated for not being anything like themselves professionally. And musical artists are separated for being as close to themselves and putting their souls as close to the chopping block as possible. I think I’ve really found my niche as a storyteller. I’m envious of some of the great troubadours of history, that can put their souls out on the record for us and put their own personal experience into things. Leonard Cohen and Joanie Mitchell, and Carole King, more modern people like Taylor Swift who really can just bare their souls for us. I really admire them because that’s not a muscle I have. And when you’re an artist I think ‘Okay so what muscle do I have?’, and I think ‘Okay I’m like a playwright, I can make each story for these songs and try and bring them to life with as much accessible ability and reality, and as much truth as I can convey, that’s not to say they’re disingenuine, they’re born from a genuine idea but they’re supported by my background as an actor. Baring myself isn’t something that comes as naturally for me, I really admire those people and I try and perhaps emulate a lot of their song writing in whatever limited way that I can. Genres are inspiring to me, lets talk about song writing, and then there’s producing which are two different things to me, because when I hear music I hear chords, I hear melody, I don’t listen to the snare sample, but I always hear the bare bones and then I think about production. So as far as producing is concerned I think it’s really important to know all genres and to listen to what makes each one interesting and respecting those genres, and then when you are producing something yourself, and then taking from each thing by knowing why and how they work within that genre, so again to use a song like ‘I Can’t Dance’ which is a nod to late 70s/early 80s, somewhere between disco and new wave, I’m employing the things that make those genres fun, to me at least, and trying to smoosh them together in a way that sounds cohesive. So…everything is inspiring to me, it’s hard. But each song has a different source of inspiration, but they don’t transfer between all songs.

You’ve also wrote for animated series and for Glee, is the process different for producing? “This is actually a very good question. I think this ties into what I was saying before about writing for narrative is something of a calling that I think I’ve realised more recently is kind of where I can plant my feet more easily than any other type of song writing. I was mentioning the people that can bare their souls, some people have a really good ability of putting themselves out there but also writing as a satirist of character that he creates. The person that is a master of this is Randy Newman, he’s one of the greatest American songwriters of the 20th century. He has an amazing ability to create these scenarios or create first person accounts of people that aren’t actually him, but he can contextualise with his literal voice, his song writing voice, and make those their own sort of satirical version of himself. There’s a lot of layers going on there, but I’ve always thought of him as really excellent. He’s like a playwright with music, he’s writing musicals, I mean he’s won Oscars for writing music for narrative! That’s something that I’d really like to do – from a technical standpoint it’s actually very liberating because when you’re writing music with your name on it, you’re the artist, then there’s this sort of weird expectation that you’re trying to service which is why I like this idea of putting the mask on and separating the songs from my own personal experience, because I need to separate myself from my own experience of the music you’re hearing, at least on the surface. My big break was A Very Potter Musical, that I feel to this day are my biggest hits because I don’t really have hits, but as far as the songs that people know that strangers know of songs that I’ve written, they were songs that were written for characters. It’s a bit like painting by numbers. If you just write a song from scratch about anything, it’s like the canvas I’m talking about again. You can do anything, or go anywhere, and that’s overwhelming. Having parameters, knowing where the gates are, is extremely helpful, knowing when the deadline is, knowing how long your party can go for. It means you can maximise the space you know you have. When you write for narrative you go ‘this is the character’, ‘this is how they speak’ – so you already have your lyrical information there – ‘this is how they talk’, ‘this is the singer, the singer has a great range that goes from this note to this note’, ‘in this scene we need the character to go from point A to point B, and we want it to be a song that sounds like X’, so you create all these amazing little ingredients, and I look at artists like a service industry, I really enjoy servicing what the person or the experience requires. When I have a menu of ‘we want this, this, this’, it’s like okay great I’ve got you! A three-and-a-half-minute song that sounds like this song, but has to be in this key and has to be a duet, I really thrive on that. And it’s probably one of my more favourite versions of song writing. And usually there’s a deadline, so I can get it done! Because I need to get it done for production. I really enjoy coming back to writing for narrative, because I did that for Royalties with CJ, and when I realised how much I enjoyed doing that and how productive I was when I was writing for a narrative, that’s when I got into the idea of ‘I need to stop trying to bare my own soul in music’. I think if I treat it like I’m writing for a character, not only can I get it done faster but I feel like I can make things stronger. So that’s when I decided that’s what I’m gonna do for this next EP. Writing for other shows and characters is what helped me realise my strengths as a songwriter.”

What is next for you? What are you most excited for? “As I mentioned I think productivity begets productivity, and that’s exactly what happened with this EP. Even if the pandemic hadn’t happened and I didn’t have the time, I think I would have been just as emboldened from working on Royalties with CJ and it got me very excited about working on music and how much joy that gives me. Any artist will say the same answer, but I think by the time stuff comes out artists are already over it because they’ve been living with it for a year and a half, and in my case over a decade with these songs, so I’m always ready to move on and go to the next thing. Everything is a stepping stone, so I’m very happy that this EP is out, I think it’s a great representation of a lot of stuff that’s been unaddressed for far too long. I just wanna get going, it gets me excited about keeping the ball rolling as a songwriter or as a producer, I just don’t want this to be like ‘This is the thing I did during the pandemic’, I want to keep it going and be more proactive about keeping time aside for it, because that’s the name of the game. When you’re acting or doing music, you have to balance it with time, and this pandemic has shown me how much I enjoy spending time on music, so I’m gonna carry that on. But of course, as soon as I say that, that’s when something unexpected and something too juicy that I can’t keep my hands off it happens on the acting side. One learns to be pretty flexible, because as soon as I say one thing something else will happen, and that’s been the narrative for the past decade of my life. I hope to just keep going. I’ve been this lucky for this long so I’m not gonna pretend like I’m going to keep being this lucky. If I get to act great, if I get to do music great. I can’t believe I’m in a position where its like ‘oh if the acting thing doesn’t work out, I’ll just do music!’ or the other way around, it’s a highly privileged list of options, and I’m fully aware of that. So as long as I can have one or the other to fall back on, I will always be excited about option. It’s not always up to me, so we’ll see. Everything that I’ve put out is just a way for me to renew my lease with my ability to show up for myself as well as people that I don’t knows ability to be interested in what I have to do next. But I won’t flatter myself, I’m not gonna say that lease is forever, so I’m just trying to put in the time and work to keep it at the very least somewhat interesting.”

Photography - Amanda Demme

#darren criss #wonderland magazine #masquerade ep #press #sept 2021

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onenettvchannel · 3 years ago

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Disney Releases the S3 Trailer of Amphibia at the Lightbox Expo 2021

PASADENA, CALIFORNIA -- The 3rd season of Amphibia has been announced during a latest Question and Answer online panel at the Lightbox Expo 2021 last Friday night at 6pm (Pacific local time). For those you don’t know about the Lightbox Expo, it’s a behind the scenes and industries show straight from the creators behind your favorite films, animation, games, TV shows, illustrations, etc. Almost someday as you graduate from a High School or College, you’ll be inspired for your next artist professionally as a whole.

The guests from a Question and Answer panel in a video conferencing via Zoom are starting off with a show creator Matt Braly, among with the experts of Disney Television Animation (DTVA).

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An unfinished animated screening video showned for a Theme Song Takeover with the alternative opening of Amphibia, just before Marcy Wu died due to a suspected murder of Andrias Leviathan in Newtopia last May 2021 in Season 2. The rest of the online panel takes a lot of questions almost internationally and the United States worldwide alone.

At the end of the Question and Answer online panel, Braly (the show creator of Amphibia) and the experts of DTVA team releases a rough cut for a S3 trailer shown exclusively to Radyo Bandera and Disney XD News. It is rarely unfinished and currently working in progress for the Theme Song Takeover alone. On second thought, the final version had been released officially at the end of final weekend last September 2021 from this said expo.

Still completely floored that Matt approached me to do a remix of “No Big Deal” SHOUT OUT TO @ChichiAi FOR DOING AMAZING VOCALS AND @fretzl FOR THE AMAZING GUITAR PERFORMANCE!!! EEEE https://t.co/Xm1msaNEzK

— Jakeneutron (@TheJakeneutron)

September 11, 2021

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Although, there is a new remix of “No Big Deal” as composed from a YouTuber in Florida, U.S.A. named Jake Solan a.k.a. JakeNeutron as permissioned directly to a show creator (Matt Braly).

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As described from a latest updated S3 trailer, a little recap of what is going on in Season 1 & 2 at the moment, including a murder incident from Leviathan after he was killed to Wu when Boonchuy and others are teleported to Los Angeles via the Calamity Box.

For now, Anne Boonchuy and the Plantars are now in East Los Angeles at the L.A. County from her hometown probably to meet a parents of its Boonchuy family in person. Boonchuy probably skips a discussion about the Wu’s death from a recent murder incident in Newtopia Castle the same day. Upon the arrival in Los Angeles, there is more to discover for this 3rd season of Amphibia.

An all-out war in Newtopia Castle was implemented outside, just after a murder incident the other day to Wu. Capt. Leviathan activates possibly a portal via the Calamity Box for most of a Frog-bots to Los Angeles. Boonchuy's parents including Anne are on the road late afternoon (Pacific local time), but Mr. Boonchuy faces for a halt to drive because of its pedestrian problem against a single Frog-bot to kill the Anne or the Boonchuy's parents out.

Sasha Waybright and Capt. Grime jumps out the window with his tentacle-like tongue, while dodging a several plasma lazers to escape. Newtopian Army General (NAG) named Yunan and a Royal Advisor of Capt. Leviathan named Olivia torches the right Cauldron flame to open a mysterious vault.

Much similar in reference from Glitch Techs on Netflix under Mitchell Williams, Boonchuy and Sprig rides on a food truck (Thai on the Go) for the first time. Museum Curator met to Boonchuy for what is going on... A two-on-one session between the usernames of “Anna_Banana” & “IT_GALZ_1” via Zoom to fix Frobo who’s on a washing machine as a body, Waybright stepped Boonchuy's journal in Wartwood, Frog Valley as she read it in her past originally from Saint James Middle School (SJMS) and a murder suspect (Capt. Leviathan) plans to resurrect manually as shortly committed himself a murder under the Republic Act #10631: Section 2 or The Revised Animal Welfare Act of 1998 & Article 248 or The Revised Penal Code.

A few days later after Capt. Leviathan murdered to Wu, she was resurrected and recovered in crutches for a 2nd chance of her life. Radyo Bandera News Team and Disney XD News cannot independently verify from his said ruler in Newtopia. Meanwhile, the NAG attacks a Wolverine-like blade against the several robots of Frog-Bot. The Plantars in disguise in Los Angeles seeks an unidentified bird from above. The escape attempt between the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and 2 of the unnamed scientific experts to take Boonchuy and the unnamed talented professor down. A lot of bite-sized highlights that you'll surely don’t wanna miss a new episode of a 3rd season of Amphibia. Boonchuy wraps up for the night and drives home with her mom of Ms. Boonchuy.

At the end of this said trailer, a final quote from Capt. Leviathan controls to Wu from a resurrection for a possible recovery and takes over for the negative side of her life afterwards, "Don't you think it's time to say goodbye to those childhood friends (Boonchuy and Waybright) of yours?". Wu is now controlled the Newtopia Castle with her negative life and drops out of her school in SJMS officially as final since a murder incident like Capt. Leviathan had been altered early from its said jurisdiction.

Much officially, the show creator and the DTVA team commences with a release date as mentioned from a Question and Answer online panel. The show creator (Matt Braly) acknowledges the entire production crew and the animation team of Amphibia for a tougher hard work, even for a post-Pandemic of Corona Virus Disease-19 (CoViD19) in Los Angeles as noted from this expo in Pasadena City.

Amphibia S3 will take place LIVE from Los Angeles and portions of the Amphibia Island. The 3rd season premieres October 2nd at 12mn (Pacific local time) on DisneyNOW & optionally as possible for Disney+ and the actual telecast the same day starting at 6:30am (Pacific local time) on Disney Channel in America.

Radyo Bandera: Sweet FM (in Bacolod, Negros Occidental) and Disney XD News is an affiliated firm on this Internet TV station of OneNETtv Channel & OneNETnews.

EDITOR's NOTE: We finalized our news article since we have a final version as official. The original news article on our Flash Report turned into a regular News Report for now. We are thanking you for your support from this said article, mga ka-Bandera.

SCREENGRAB COURTESY: Lightbox Expo 2021 via Zoom & Disney Television Animation

SOURCE: *https://lightboxexpo.com/about/ *https://2021.lightboxexpo.com/schedule/ and *https://www.jakeneutron.net/about [The Real Name of JakeNeutron from his YouTube Channel]

HONEST DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed from this News Report are not necessarily those from the Disney Television Animation. Furthermore, the assumptions of this News Report will NOT state, intervene or reflect those of our Affiliated Reporters. The show, the station, the management, interwebs and the network. Thanks for reading, mga ka-Bandera! Stay safe and may the Celestia blesses you. Later!

-- OneNETnews Team

#entertainment news #pasadena #california #amphibia #season 3 #los angeles #lightbox expo #trailer #animation #CoViD19 #OneNETnews

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lonepiper5758 · 3 years ago

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Royai Week 2021 - Day 5

Illicit Affairs

[Song prompt] illicit affairs, taylor swift

An essay exploring the ways in which Royai is not described by this song.

AN - I completely respect both the inclusion of 'Illicit Affairs' as the song prompt for Royai Week 2021, and the method in which it was selected by the Mods. When I first listened to it, and then listened to it again, I wanted to write something inspired by it. However it failed to give me any inspiration to write creatively about Royai. Instead what it inspired was the urge to write a critique of why this song is not reflective of Royai.

Please don't think that I am having a go at anyone who likes this song or feels that it gives off a good Royai vibe. I'm just responding to the prompt in the way that it prompted me to do so.

That 'Illicit Affairs' by Taylor Swift is a good song is not being disputed, as reviewed by Angie Martoccio in a Rolling Stone article -

"And on “Illicit Affairs,” she (Taylor Swift) expertly packs a tale of infidelity into just a few short verses, complete with abandoned perfume, secret language, and the lies that seamlessly stitch it all together."

Any song that includes the lyric 'A dwindling, mercurial high' has got to be given credit. It's musically beautiful and lyrically powerful. But is it Royai?

One of the intriguing things about Royai is that it's such a subtly expressed relationship within canon. We know for sure that Mustang and Hawkeye have known each other for a long time, and have a profound understanding of each other communicating at times with a mere glance. They share a deep trust of, and commitment to each other to the extent of risking great physical harm and personal hardship for each other. And they know each other well enough, despite their relative rankings within the military, to blow up at each other occasionally. Their deep care and love for each other is evident.

Extrapolating beyond what is explicitly expressed in canon is what fandom exists for, and many within the fan community see Mustang and Hawkeye’s relationship as also being a sexual one. Whether you see their relationship as expressing itself sexually or not does not change the premise that this song isn’t truly Royai.

'Illicit Affairs' contains some images which are no doubt reflective of Royai, a shared secret code language, and a relationship that has many details which are kept hidden. This gives the song a nice Royai vibe. However that vibe is superficial, and whether you hold to the more canon defensible position that Royai is a profoundly loving and loyal relationship with no sex, or that it is full of lustful moaning and sweaty bonking, either way the overarching sentiment of this song is far from expressing the nature of our beautiful ship.

There are three significant points at which this song not only fails to express Royai, it actually expresses the antithesis of Royai.

Firstly, Royai is not an illicit affair.

‘Illicit’ in this sense can have two meanings, illegal and relating to infidelity.

As for Royai being illegal, we all know, Arakawa cites the pesky ‘fraternization laws’ of the Amestrian Military as the reason why Mustang and Hawkeye can't be together in a physical relationship. If you take the view that Royai is a non-physical relationship, then there is no illegality and the song misses the mark.

The only place the song lands is if you hold to the idea of a sexual relationship, in which case Royai would transgress the ethics and rules of the military. It could also be argued that Mustang and Hawkeye have broken faith with their own morals as they would have sworn to be bound by those rules, and have broken that oath.

This is a pretty technical application of the term 'illicit affair’ and not really in keeping with the feel of the song, which is far more about interpersonal relationships than the keeping of rules and institutional ethics.

To quote the Rolling Stone article again 'Illicit Affair' is a 'tale of infidelity', and that's the meaning the word 'affair' evokes; infidelity, betrayal, adultery. An ‘illicit affair’ is most readily going to be understood as a relationship in which the participants are being unfaithful to an existing partner, in order to secretly be with a new partner.

This is the first point at which this song expresses a relationship that is the antithesis of Royai. There is absolutely no infidelity in the relationship between Mustang and Hawkeye. Neither of them has a significant other who’s trust they are betraying in order to be together. Rather, Royai is all about fidelity. The loyalty and trust these two show towards each other is the absolute bedrock of their relationship. If you take the view that their relationship is non-physical then it is their fidelity to each other that both defines and expresses their relationship. So to say that Royai is an ‘illicit affair’ is to completely mischaracterize their relationship.

Secondly, the relationship in this song is dying, as illustrated in the lines -

It's born from just one single glance

But it dies, and it dies, and it dies

A million little times

This is the constant theme of the lyrics from the outset, that what started as a wonderful thing is corrupting and dying.

Again this is the complete opposite of Royai. Exactly when the ship started is a subject for debate. Whether you hold that Royai started pre-canon, during Ishval or sometime soon after, there is no time at which we see it diminishing in its strength, let alone dying. Far from Royai diminishing over the course of canon, their relationship just gets stronger and closer. To illustrate two images from the Manga.

Chp 58

Above is the earliest point in the narrative that we see Hawkeye and Mustang together. Following is one of the last times. These two images indicate a relationship that is coming together and becoming stronger and more dynamic. Not one that is dying a million little times.

Chp 108

Thirdly, the last lines of the song pose some difficulty in accepting this as a Royai song.

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

If you interpret ‘ruin myself’ as to risk physical injury or endure a harmful situation for the other, then this is a plausible Royai sentiment. However times such as Hawkeye’s preparedness to shoot Mustang if he destroyed Envy, or Mustang’s acceptance of Hawkeye’s death in refusing to perform human transmutation, show both understand that holding to their shared sense of the right thing to do is paramount. If they betray those truths they hold most deeply, or ‘ruin’ themselves, then they will have ultimately betrayed each other and their relationship. So in that sense they would not ‘ruin’ themselves for the other because to do so would be the end of themselves and their relationship.

So while this is a really cool song, Royai’s qualities of steadfast loyalty, longevity and the character of the relationship being intrinsically tied to the characters of Mustang and Hawkeye mean that Royai is far from being an ‘Illicit Affair’

____________________________________

Resources

1. “The Godforsaken Mess of Taylor Swift’s ‘Illicit Affairs’”

By Angie Martoccio

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/taylor-swift-illicit-affairs-1033805/

2. Song Lyrics via LyricFind

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

Leave the perfume on the shelf That you picked out just for him So you leave no trace behind Like you don't even exist Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie, and they lie, and they lie A billion little times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

Songwriters: Jack Michael Antonoff / Taylor A. Swift

illicit affairs lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

3. Fullmetal Alchemist Manga - Images from Chp 58 and Chp 108

#royaiweek21 #day 5 #anaylsis #please don't hate me #lone but not lonely

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eloarei · 3 years ago

Text

Get To Know Me meme

I was tagged by @chocochipbiscuit ! Thanks so much, Choco!

My favorite color: I’ve increasingly chosen to consider yellow my favorite color. =] I prefer a warm, golden kind of yellow. (Not as fond of neon.)

Currently reading: “Reaperman” by Terry Pratchett. I think this is the fourth book of his I’ve read and it’s just as hilarious as the others. I genuinely find myself laughing out loud every time. He just has such a clever way with words.

Last song I listened to: The ending theme from Off The Ranch lol.

Sweet, savory or spicy: Savory-sweet, like the taste of a warm soft butter cookie, is my favorite. I normally don’t like spicy, although I did have an awesome chimichurri beef for lunch just now.

What I’m currently working on: ...Nnnnnot much. I’m slowly rereading/editing my Fallout longfic so I can print myself a copy. After that, I suppose I’ll start writing the sequel. I don’t expect to do a ton of writing this year though. Maybe I’ll do some more illustrations.

Tagging: I’m too lazy to remember peoples’ usernames, but if any of my Discord friends stumble upon this, consider yourselves tagged. Also, just, if you wanna, whoever you are.

#elo talks

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backslashdelta · 3 years ago

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Glee Soundtrack Rating Project Results: admirabletragedy

@admirabletragedy

Favourite character: Kurt Hummel

Least favourite character: Dave Karofski

Favourite season: Season 2

Least favourite season: Season 4

Mean song rating: 7.71

Mean song rating for favourite character's songs: 8.24

Mean song rating for favourite character's solos: 8.83

Mean song rating season 1: 5.94

Mean song rating season 2: 7.79

Mean song rating season 3: 7.88

Mean song rating season 4: 8.85

Mean song rating season 5: 8.65

Mean song rating season 6: 9.29

Songs rated: 146

[ID: A bar chart titled Number of songs assigned each rating by admirabletragedy, illustrating the number of times each score was assigned to a song by admirabletragedy. 10 was assigned 63 times, 9 was assigned 6 times, 8 was assigned 20 times, 7 was assigned 15 times, 6 was assigned 12 times, 5 was assigned 12 times, 4 was assigned 5 times, 3 was assigned 4 times, 2 was assigned 3 times, 1 was assigned 6 times, and 556 songs were not rated.]

About the Project | Results Masterpost

Ranking:

1. (10) - S1x03 - Bust Your Windows

2. (10) - S1x06 - It's My Life/Confessions Part II

3. (10) - S1x15 - 4 Minutes

4. (10) - S1x18 - Rose's Turn

5. (10) - S2x03 - I Want to Hold Your Hand

6. (10) - S2x04 - Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

7. (10) - S2x04 - River Deep, Mountain High

8. (10) - S2x06 - Teenage Dream

9. (10) - S2x06 - Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind

10. (10) - S2x06 - Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer

11. (10) - S2x08 - Just the Way You Are

12. (10) - S2x09 - Dog Days Are Over

13. (10) - S2x09 - Valerie

14. (10) - S2x10 - Baby, It's Cold Outside

15. (10) - S2x11 - Thriller/Heads Will Roll

16. (10) - S2x11 - Bills, Bills, Bills

17. (10) - S2x12 - Silly Love Songs

18. (10) - S2x13 - Somebody to Love

19. (10) - S2x16 - Blackbird

20. (10) - S2x18 - Somewhere Only We Know

21. (10) - S2x18 - Born This Way

22. (10) - S2x18 - I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

23. (10) - S2x20 - Dancing Queen

24. (10) - S2x21 - Pure Imagination

25. (10) - S2x21 - Back to Black

26. (10) - S2x22 - For Good

27. (10) - S3x05 - One Hand, One Heart

28. (10) - S3x06 - Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

29. (10) - S3x07 - Perfect

30. (10) - S3x11 - Smooth Criminal

31. (10) - S3x14 - Cough Syrup

32. (10) - S3x17 - I Have Nothing

33. (10) - S3x21 - Paradise By the Dashboard Light

34. (10) - S3x21 - We Are the Champions

35. (10) - S3x22 - In My Life

36. (10) - S4x01 - Chasing Pavements

37. (10) - S4x01 - New York State of Mind

38. (10) - S4x04 - Don't Speak

39. (10) - S4x04 - The Scientist

40. (10) - S4x05 - Hopelessly Devoted to You

41. (10) - S4x06 - Beauty School Dropout

42. (10) - S4x06 - There Are Worse Things I Could Do

43. (10) - S4x09 - O Holy Night

44. (10) - S4x10 - White Christmas

45. (10) - S4x10 - The First Noel

46. (10) - S4x13 - Bring Him Home

47. (10) - S4x15 - Come What May

48. (10) - S5x01 - Help!

49. (10) - S5x01 - All You Need Is Love

50. (10) - S5x02 - Let It Be

51. (10) - S5x03 - I'll Stand By You

52. (10) - S5x03 - Make You Feel My Love

53. (10) - S5x03 - If I Die Young

54. (10) - S5x06 - Just the Way You Are

55. (10) - S5x06 - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

56. (10) - S5x08 - Away in a Manger

57. (10) - S5x12 - Valerie

58. (10) - S6x02 - Take On Me

59. (10) - S6x05 - It Must Have Been Love

60. (10) - S6x06 - Arthur's Theme

61. (10) - S6x08 - Hey Ya!

62. (10) - S6x08 - Our Day Will Come

63. (10) - S6x08 - At Last

64. (9) - S1x07 - Hate On Me

65. (9) - S2x11 - She's Not There

66. (9) - S2x22 - I Love New York/New York, New York

67. (9) - S3x05 - America

68. (9) - S3x15 - Fighter

69. (9) - S5x18 - Story of My Life

70. (8) - S1x01 - Respect

71. (8) - S1x01 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot)

72. (8) - S1x01 - Rehab

73. (8) - S1x17 - Total Eclipse of the Heart

74. (8) - S1x20 - Bad Romance

75. (8) - S1x22 - Bohemian Rhapsody

76. (8) - S1x22 - Don't Stop Believing (Regionals)

77. (8) - S2x18 - As If We Never Said Goodbye

78. (8) - S3x01 - You Can't Stop the Beat

79. (8) - S3x03 - Run the World (Girls)

80. (8) - S3x08 - Man in the Mirror

81. (8) - S3x08 - ABC

82. (8) - S4x01 - It's Time

83. (8) - S4x01 - Americano/Dance Again

84. (8) - S4x04 - Teenage Dream (Acoustic)

85. (8) - S4x07 - Some Nights

86. (8) - S5x03 - Seasons of Love

87. (8) - S5x05 - If I Were a Boy

88. (8) - S5x10 - Don't You (Forget About Me)

89. (8) - S5x20 - American Boy

90. (7) - S1x01 - On My Own

91. (7) - S1x05 - Somebody to Love

92. (7) - S1x10 - I'll Stand By You

93. (7) - S1x13 - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

94. (7) - S2x09 - Don't Cry for Me Argentina

95. (7) - S2x09 - (I've Had) The Time of My Life

96. (7) - S2x14 - Don't You Want Me

97. (7) - S2x14 - Tik Tok

98. (7) - S2x15 - Animal

99. (7) - S2x16 - Candles

100. (7) - S3x09 - Let It Snow

101. (7) - S3x09 - Blue Christmas

102. (7) - S3x18 - Not the Boy Next Door

103. (7) - S4x07 - Holding Out for a Hero

104. (7) - S4x11 - I Don't Know How to Love Him

105. (6) - S1x01 - Leaving On a Jet Plane

106. (6) - S1x12 - Jump

107. (6) - S2x04 - Lucky

108. (6) - S2x08 - Marry You

109. (6) - S2x10 - The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

110. (6) - S3x08 - We Are Young

111. (6) - S3x11 - Bad

112. (6) - S3x13 - Love Shack

113. (6) - S3x17 - It's Not Right But It's Okay

114. (6) - S3x17 - I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

115. (6) - S3x18 - Cell Block Tango

116. (6) - S4x06 - You're the One That I Want

117. (5) - S1x01 - You're the One That I Want (ver. 1)

118. (5) - S1x01 - Mr. Cellophane

119. (5) - S1x01 - I Kissed a Girl

120. (5) - S1x07 - Keep Holding On

121. (5) - S1x08 - Sweet Caroline

122. (5) - S1x13 - Don't Rain on My Parade

123. (5) - S2x09 - Hey, Soul Sister

124. (5) - S2x16 - Raise Your Glass

125. (5) - S3x04 - Last Friday Night

126. (5) - S4x05 - Everybody Talks

127. (5) - S5x12 - Defying Gravity

128. (5) - S6x07 - Time After Time

129. (4) - S1x15 - Vogue

130. (4) - S1x21 - Give Up the Funk

131. (4) - S2x01 - Billionaire

132. (4) - S2x07 - Forget You

133. (4) - S2x16 - Misery

134. (3) - S1x01 - Can't Fight This Feeling

135. (3) - S1x09 - Defying Gravity

136. (3) - S2x03 - Only the Good Die Young

137. (3) - S3x05 - Uptown Girl

138. (2) - S1x01 - Sit Down You're Rockin the Boat

139. (2) - S1x02 - Push It

140. (2) - S2x02 - Toxic

141. (1) - S1x02 - Gold Digger

142. (1) - S1x07 - No Air

143. (1) - S1x12 - Smile (Lily Allen)

144. (1) - S2x02 - The Only Exception

145. (1) - S2x15 - Landslide

146. (1) - S5x07 - The Fox

147. (NA) - S1x02 - I Say a Little Prayer

148. (NA) - S1x02 - Take a Bow

149. (NA) - S1x03 - Mercy

150. (NA) - S1x03 - I Wanna Sex You Up

151. (NA) - S1x04 - Taking Chances

152. (NA) - S1x04 - Tonight

153. (NA) - S1x05 - Last Name

154. (NA) - S1x05 - Alone

155. (NA) - S1x05 - Cabaret

156. (NA) - S1x05 - Maybe This Time

157. (NA) - S1x06 - Halo/Walking On Sunshine

158. (NA) - S1x07 - Ride Wit Me

159. (NA) - S1x07 - You Keep Me Hanging On

160. (NA) - S1x08 - I Could Have Danced All Night

161. (NA) - S1x08 - Bust A Move

162. (NA) - S1x08 - Thong Song

163. (NA) - S1x08 - What A Girl Wants

164. (NA) - S1x09 - Dancing With Myself

165. (NA) - S1x09 - Proud Mary

166. (NA) - S1x10 - Lean On Me

167. (NA) - S1x10 - (You're Having My Baby)

168. (NA) - S1x10 - Endless Love

169. (NA) - S1x10 - Don't Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl

170. (NA) - S1x10 - Crush

171. (NA) - S1x11 - Hair/Crazy In Love

172. (NA) - S1x11 - Imagine

173. (NA) - S1x11 - Bootylicious

174. (NA) - S1x11 - Papa Don't Preach

175. (NA) - S1x11 - True Colors

176. (NA) - S1x11 - Don't Make Me Over

177. (NA) - S1x12 - Smile (Charlie Chaplin)

178. (NA) - S1x13 - You Can't Always Get What You Want

179. (NA) - S1x13 - My Life Would Suck Without You

180. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello, I Love You

181. (NA) - S1x14 - Highway to Hell

182. (NA) - S1x14 - Gives You Hell

183. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello, Goodbye

184. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello

185. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

186. (NA) - S1x15 - What It Feels Like for a Girl

187. (NA) - S1x15 - Like a Virgin

188. (NA) - S1x15 - Express Yourself

189. (NA) - S1x15 - Like a Prayer

190. (NA) - S1x15 - Borderline/Open Your Heart

191. (NA) - S1x15 - Burning Up

192. (NA) - S1x16 - Home

193. (NA) - S1x16 - One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home

194. (NA) - S1x16 - Fire

195. (NA) - S1x16 - A House Is Not a Home

196. (NA) - S1x16 - Beautiful

197. (NA) - S1x17 - U Can't Touch This

198. (NA) - S1x17 - Physical

199. (NA) - S1x17 - Run Joey Run

200. (NA) - S1x17 - Ice Ice Baby

201. (NA) - S1x18 - Jessie's Girl

202. (NA) - S1x18 - Pink Houses

203. (NA) - S1x18 - The Boy Is Mine

204. (NA) - S1x18 - Lady Is a Tramp

205. (NA) - S1x18 - One

206. (NA) - S1x19 - Safety Dance

207. (NA) - S1x19 - Dream a Little Dream

208. (NA) - S1x19 - Dream On

209. (NA) - S1x19 - I Dreamed a Dream

210. (NA) - S1x20 - Shout It Out Loud

211. (NA) - S1x20 - Beth

212. (NA) - S1x20 - Poker Face

213. (NA) - S1x20 - Funny Girl

214. (NA) - S1x21 - Another One Bites the Dust

215. (NA) - S1x21 - Loser

216. (NA) - S1x21 - Good Vibrations

217. (NA) - S1x21 - It's a Man's Man's Man's World

218. (NA) - S1x21 - Tell Me Something Good

219. (NA) - S1x22 - To Sir, With Love

220. (NA) - S1x22 - Faithfully

221. (NA) - S1x22 - Any Way You Want It/Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'

222. (NA) - S1x22 - Over the Rainbow

223. (NA) - S2x01 - Empire State of Mind

224. (NA) - S2x01 - What I Did for Love

225. (NA) - S2x01 - Telephone

226. (NA) - S2x01 - Listen

227. (NA) - S2x01 - Every Rose Has Its Thorn

228. (NA) - S2x01 - Getting to Know You

229. (NA) - S2x02 - Stronger

230. (NA) - S2x02 - I'm a Slave 4 U

231. (NA) - S2x02 - Me Against the Music

232. (NA) - S2x02 - Baby One More Time

233. (NA) - S2x03 - Losing My Religion

234. (NA) - S2x03 - I Look to You

235. (NA) - S2x03 - Bridge Over Troubled Water

236. (NA) - S2x03 - Papa, Can You Hear Me?

237. (NA) - S2x03 - One of Us

238. (NA) - S2x04 - Le Jazz Hot

239. (NA) - S2x04 - Don't Go Breaking My Heart

240. (NA) - S2x04 - With You I'm Born Again

241. (NA) - S2x04 - Sing!

242. (NA) - S2x05 - Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?

243. (NA) - S2x05 - Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me

244. (NA) - S2x05 - Sweet Transvestite

245. (NA) - S2x05 - Time Warp

246. (NA) - S2x05 - There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place)

247. (NA) - S2x05 - Damn It, Janet

248. (NA) - S2x05 - Science Fiction Double Feature

249. (NA) - S2x05 - Planet, Schmanet, Janet

250. (NA) - S2x06 - One Love (People Get Ready)

251. (NA) - S2x07 - Singing In the Rain/Umbrella

252. (NA) - S2x07 - Nowadays/Hot Honey rag

253. (NA) - S2x07 - Make 'Em Laugh

254. (NA) - S2x07 - Conjunction Junction

255. (NA) - S2x08 - Ohio

256. (NA) - S2x08 - Sway

257. (NA) - S2x09 - The Living Years

258. (NA) - S2x10 - Last Christmas

259. (NA) - S2x10 - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

260. (NA) - S2x10 - We Need a Little Christmas

261. (NA) - S2x10 - Welcome Christmas

262. (NA) - S2x10 - Merry Christmas, Darling

263. (NA) - S2x11 - Need You Now

264. (NA) - S2x12 - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

265. (NA) - S2x12 - When I Get You Alone

266. (NA) - S2x12 - Fat Bottomed Girls

267. (NA) - S2x12 - Firework

268. (NA) - S2x12 - My Funny Valentine

269. (NA) - S2x13 - Sing

270. (NA) - S2x13 - I Know What Boys Like

271. (NA) - S2x13 - Take Me or Leave Me

272. (NA) - S2x13 - Baby

273. (NA) - S2x13 - This Little Light of Mine

274. (NA) - S2x14 - Blame It (On the Alcohol)

275. (NA) - S2x14 - My Headband

276. (NA) - S2x14 - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

277. (NA) - S2x15 - Afternoon Delight

278. (NA) - S2x15 - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)

279. (NA) - S2x15 - Kiss

280. (NA) - S2x16 - Jesus Is My Friend

281. (NA) - S2x16 - Hell to the No

282. (NA) - S2x16 - Big Ass Heart

283. (NA) - S2x16 - Only Child

284. (NA) - S2x16 - Get It Right

285. (NA) - S2x16 - Loser Like Me

286. (NA) - S2x16 - Trouty Mouth

287. (NA) - S2x17 - Turning Tables

288. (NA) - S2x17 - Ain't No Way

289. (NA) - S2x17 - All By Myself

290. (NA) - S2x17 - I Follow Rivers

291. (NA) - S2x18 - I've Gotta Be Me

292. (NA) - S2x19 - Dreams

293. (NA) - S2x19 - Never Going Back Again

294. (NA) - S2x19 - I Don't Want to Know

295. (NA) - S2x19 - Go Your Own Way

296. (NA) - S2x19 - Don't Stop

297. (NA) - S2x19 - Songbird

298. (NA) - S2x19 - Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You?

299. (NA) - S2x20 - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You

300. (NA) - S2x20 - Friday

301. (NA) - S2x20 - Jar of Hearts

302. (NA) - S2x20 - Rolling in the Deep

303. (NA) - S2x20 - Isn't She Lovely

304. (NA) - S2x21 - Some People

305. (NA) - S2x21 - Try a Little Tenderness

306. (NA) - S2x21 - My Man

307. (NA) - S2x22 - Yeah!

308. (NA) - S2x22 - My Cup

309. (NA) - S2x22 - Light Up the World

310. (NA) - S2x22 - Bella Notte

311. (NA) - S2x22 - Pretending

312. (NA) - S2x22 - As Long as You're There

313. (NA) - S2x22 - Still Got Tonight

314. (NA) - S3x01 - It's Not Unusual

315. (NA) - S3x01 - Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do

316. (NA) - S3x01 - Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead

317. (NA) - S3x01 - We Got the Beat

318. (NA) - S3x01 - Big Spender

319. (NA) - S3x02 - Something's Coming

320. (NA) - S3x02 - I'm the Greatest Star

321. (NA) - S3x02 - Somewhere

322. (NA) - S3x03 - Spotlight

323. (NA) - S3x03 - Cool

324. (NA) - S3x03 - It's All Over

325. (NA) - S3x03 - Out Here On My Own

326. (NA) - S3x03 - Fix You

327. (NA) - S3x04 - Candyman

328. (NA) - S3x04 - Waiting for a Girl Like You

329. (NA) - S3x04 - Bein' Green

330. (NA) - S3x04 - Take Care of Yourself

331. (NA) - S3x05 - Tonight

332. (NA) - S3x05 - A Boy Like That/I Have a Love

333. (NA) - S3x06 - I Can't Go for That/You Make My Dreams Come True

334. (NA) - S3x06 - Hit Me with Your Best Shot/One Way or Another

335. (NA) - S3x06 - Hot for Teacher

336. (NA) - S3x06 - You and I/You and I

337. (NA) - S3x07 - Jolene

338. (NA) - S3x07 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

339. (NA) - S3x07 - I'm the Only One

340. (NA) - S3x07 - I Kissed a Girl

341. (NA) - S3x07 - Constant Craving

342. (NA) - S3x08 - Control

343. (NA) - S3x08 - Buenos Aires

344. (NA) - S3x08 - Survivor/I Will Survive

345. (NA) - S3x08 - Red Solo Cup

346. (NA) - S3x09 - Christmas Wrapping

347. (NA) - S3x09 - All I Want for Christmas Is You

348. (NA) - S3x09 - Do They Know It's Christmas?

349. (NA) - S3x09 - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

350. (NA) - S3x09 - River

351. (NA) - S3x09 - Extraordinary Merry Christmas

352. (NA) - S3x09 - My Favorite Things

353. (NA) - S3x10 - Moves Like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash

354. (NA) - S3x10 - Wedding Bell Blues (Bill)

355. (NA) - S3x10 - Summer Nights

356. (NA) - S3x10 - Without You

357. (NA) - S3x10 - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

358. (NA) - S3x10 - We Found Love

359. (NA) - S3x11 - Scream

360. (NA) - S3x11 - Black or White

361. (NA) - S3x11 - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

362. (NA) - S3x11 - Ben

363. (NA) - S3x11 - Never Can Say Goodbye

364. (NA) - S3x11 - I Just Can't Stop Loving You

365. (NA) - S3x11 - Human Nature

366. (NA) - S3x11 - I Want You Back

367. (NA) - S3x12 - Don't Wanna Lose You

368. (NA) - S3x12 - Sexy and I Know It

369. (NA) - S3x12 - La Isla Bonita

370. (NA) - S3x12 - Bamboleo/Hero

371. (NA) - S3x12 - A Little Less Conversation

372. (NA) - S3x13 - Let Me Love You

373. (NA) - S3x13 - Stereo Hearts

374. (NA) - S3x13 - I Will Always Love You

375. (NA) - S3x13 - Cherish/Cherish

376. (NA) - S3x13 - You're the Top

377. (NA) - S3x13 - Chapel of Love

378. (NA) - S3x13 - Home

379. (NA) - S3x13 - L-O-V-E

380. (NA) - S3x14 - Fly/I Believe I Can Fly

381. (NA) - S3x14 - Here's to Us

382. (NA) - S3x14 - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)

383. (NA) - S3x14 - Stand

384. (NA) - S3x14 - Glad You Came

385. (NA) - S3x15 - I'm Still Standing

386. (NA) - S3x15 - Up Up Up

387. (NA) - S3x15 - Rio/Hungry Like the Wolf

388. (NA) - S3x15 - Somebody That I Used to Know

389. (NA) - S3x16 - You Should Be Dancing

390. (NA) - S3x16 - More Than a Woman

391. (NA) - S3x16 - Stayin' Alive

392. (NA) - S3x16 - Disco Inferno

393. (NA) - S3x16 - How Deep Is Your Love

394. (NA) - S3x16 - If I Can't Have You

395. (NA) - S3x16 - Boogie Shoes

396. (NA) - S3x16 - Night Fever

397. (NA) - S3x17 - Saving All My Love For You

398. (NA) - S3x17 - My Love Is Your Love

399. (NA) - S3x17 - How Will I Know

400. (NA) - S3x17 - So Emotional

401. (NA) - S3x18 - The Music of the Night

402. (NA) - S3x18 - School's Out

403. (NA) - S3x18 - The Rain in Spain

404. (NA) - S3x18 - Cry

405. (NA) - S3x18 - Shake It Out

406. (NA) - S3x19 - Dinosaur

407. (NA) - S3x19 - What Makes You Beautiful

408. (NA) - S3x19 - Take My Breath Away

409. (NA) - S3x19 - Big Girls Don't Cry

410. (NA) - S3x19 - Love You Like a Love Song

411. (NA) - S3x20 - Mean

412. (NA) - S3x20 - I Won't Give Up

413. (NA) - S3x20 - Flashdance...What a Feeling

414. (NA) - S3x20 - Because You Loved Me

415. (NA) - S3x21 - Tongue Tied

416. (NA) - S3x21 - It's All Coming Back to Me Now

417. (NA) - S3x21 - Edge of Glory

418. (NA) - S3x21 - Starships

419. (NA) - S3x21 - Pinball Wizard

420. (NA) - S3x22 - I'll Remember

421. (NA) - S3x22 - You Get What You Give

422. (NA) - S3x22 - Glory Days

423. (NA) - S3x22 - Roots Before Branches

424. (NA) - S3x22 - Forever Young

425. (NA) - S4x01 - Call Me Maybe

426. (NA) - S4x01 - Sister Christian

427. (NA) - S4x01 - Never Say Never

428. (NA) - S4x02 - Boys/Boyfriend

429. (NA) - S4x02 - Hold It Against Me

430. (NA) - S4x02 - Gimme More

431. (NA) - S4x02 - Everytime

432. (NA) - S4x02 - Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy

433. (NA) - S4x02 - Oops!...I Did It Again

434. (NA) - S4x02 - 3

435. (NA) - S4x02 - Womanizer

436. (NA) - S4x03 - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

437. (NA) - S4x03 - Celebrity Skin

438. (NA) - S4x03 - The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

439. (NA) - S4x03 - A Change Would Do You Good

440. (NA) - S4x04 - Barely Breathing

441. (NA) - S4x04 - Give Your Heart a Break

442. (NA) - S4x04 - Mine

443. (NA) - S4x05 - Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

444. (NA) - S4x05 - Born to Hand Jive

445. (NA) - S4x05 - Juke Box Hero

446. (NA) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

447. (NA) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise)

448. (NA) - S4x06 - Greased Lightning

449. (NA) - S4x07 - My Dark Side

450. (NA) - S4x07 - Heroes

451. (NA) - S4x07 - Superman

452. (NA) - S4x08 - Whistle

453. (NA) - S4x08 - Let's Have a Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time

454. (NA) - S4x08 - Home/Homeward Bound

455. (NA) - S4x08 - Come See About Me

456. (NA) - S4x08 - Live While We're Young

457. (NA) - S4x08 - Gangnam Style

458. (NA) - S4x09 - Something Stupid

459. (NA) - S4x09 - Being Alive

460. (NA) - S4x09 - Don't Dream It's Over

461. (NA) - S4x09 - Being Good Isn't Good Enough

462. (NA) - S4x09 - All That Jazz

463. (NA) - S4x10 - Feliz Navidad

464. (NA) - S4x10 - Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

465. (NA) - S4x10 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

466. (NA) - S4x10 - Jingle Bell Rock

467. (NA) - S4x11 - Baby Got Back

468. (NA) - S4x11 - No Scrubs

469. (NA) - S4x11 - Tell Him

470. (NA) - S4x11 - Locked Out of Heaven

471. (NA) - S4x11 - I Only Have Eyes for You

472. (NA) - S4x12 - Centerfold/Hot in Herre

473. (NA) - S4x12 - Let Me Love You (Until You Learn to Love Yourself)

474. (NA) - S4x12 - A Thousand Years

475. (NA) - S4x12 - This Is the New Year

476. (NA) - S4x12 - Torn

477. (NA) - S4x12 - Love Song

478. (NA) - S4x13 - Don't Stop Me Now

479. (NA) - S4x13 - Diva

480. (NA) - S4x13 - Make No Mistake (She's Mine)

481. (NA) - S4x13 - Nutbush City Limits

482. (NA) - S4x13 - Girl On Fire

483. (NA) - S4x13 - Hung Up

484. (NA) - S4x14 - Just Can't Get Enough

485. (NA) - S4x14 - Getting Married Today

486. (NA) - S4x14 - You're All I Need to Get By

487. (NA) - S4x14 - Anything Could Happen

488. (NA) - S4x14 - We've Got Tonite

489. (NA) - S4x15 - Shout

490. (NA) - S4x15 - Old Time Rock & Roll/Danger Zone

491. (NA) - S4x15 - You're All the World to Me

492. (NA) - S4x15 - Unchained Melody

493. (NA) - S4x15 - Footloose

494. (NA) - S4x15 - Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend/Material Girl

495. (NA) - S4x15 - In Your Eyes

496. (NA) - S4x16 - I Still Believe/Super Bass

497. (NA) - S4x16 - How to Be a Heartbreaker

498. (NA) - S4x16 - Closer

499. (NA) - S4x16 - The Bitch Is Back/Dress You Up

500. (NA) - S4x16 - Cold Hearted

501. (NA) - S4x16 - Bye Bye Bye/I Want It That Way

502. (NA) - S4x17 - Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)

503. (NA) - S4x17 - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

504. (NA) - S4x17 - Wannabe

505. (NA) - S4x17 - My Prerogative

506. (NA) - S4x17 - Creep

507. (NA) - S4x17 - Mamma Mia

508. (NA) - S4x17 - Copacabana

509. (NA) - S4x18 - Say

510. (NA) - S4x18 - Your Song

511. (NA) - S4x18 - More Than Words

512. (NA) - S4x19 - Fight for Your Right (to Party)

513. (NA) - S4x19 - You Have More Friends Than You Know

514. (NA) - S4x19 - Outcast

515. (NA) - S4x19 - Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel)

516. (NA) - S4x19 - Next to Me

517. (NA) - S4x20 - We Will Rock You

518. (NA) - S4x20 - Longest Time

519. (NA) - S4x20 - Everybody Hurts

520. (NA) - S4x20 - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

521. (NA) - S4x20 - At the Ballet

522. (NA) - S4x20 - Little Girls

523. (NA) - S4x21 - For Once in My Life

524. (NA) - S4x21 - Uptight (Everything's Alright)

525. (NA) - S4x21 - I Wish

526. (NA) - S4x21 - Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours

527. (NA) - S4x21 - You Are the Sunshine of My Life

528. (NA) - S4x21 - Higher Ground

529. (NA) - S4x21 - Superstition

530. (NA) - S4x22 - Hall of Fame

531. (NA) - S4x22 - Clarity

532. (NA) - S4x22 - Wings

533. (NA) - S4x22 - I Love It

534. (NA) - S4x22 - All or Nothing

535. (NA) - S4x22 - To Love You More

536. (NA) - S4x22 - Rainbow Connection

537. (NA) - S5x01 - Drive My Car

538. (NA) - S5x01 - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

539. (NA) - S5x01 - Got to Get You Into My Life

540. (NA) - S5x01 - Yesterday

541. (NA) - S5x01 - A Hard Day's Night

542. (NA) - S5x01 - I Saw Her Standing There

543. (NA) - S5x02 - Here Comes the Sun

544. (NA) - S5x02 - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

545. (NA) - S5x02 - Get Back

546. (NA) - S5x02 - Hey Jude

547. (NA) - S5x02 - Something

548. (NA) - S5x02 - Revolution

549. (NA) - S5x03 - Fire and Rain

550. (NA) - S5x03 - No Surrender

551. (NA) - S5x04 - Marry the Night

552. (NA) - S5x04 - Wide Awake

553. (NA) - S5x04 - Applause

554. (NA) - S5x04 - Roar

555. (NA) - S5x05 - Wrecking Ball

556. (NA) - S5x05 - Blurred Lines

557. (NA) - S5x05 - On Our Way

558. (NA) - S5x05 - You Are Woman, I Am Man

559. (NA) - S5x06 - Honesty

560. (NA) - S5x06 - Piano Man

561. (NA) - S5x06 - My Life

562. (NA) - S5x06 - You May Be Right

563. (NA) - S5x06 - An Innocent Man

564. (NA) - S5x07 - You're My Best Friend

565. (NA) - S5x07 - Nasty/Rhythm Nation

566. (NA) - S5x07 - Into the Groove

567. (NA) - S5x07 - Cheek to Cheek

568. (NA) - S5x08 - Here Comes Santa Claus (Down Santa Claus Lane)

569. (NA) - S5x08 - The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

570. (NA) - S5x08 - Mary's Little Boy Child

571. (NA) - S5x08 - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

572. (NA) - S5x08 - Love Child

573. (NA) - S5x08 - O Christmas Tree

574. (NA) - S5x09 - Whenever I Call You Friend

575. (NA) - S5x09 - My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

576. (NA) - S5x09 - I Believe in a Thing Called Love

577. (NA) - S5x09 - Every Breath You Take

578. (NA) - S5x09 - Don't Rain On My Parade

579. (NA) - S5x09 - Brave

580. (NA) - S5x09 - Breakaway

581. (NA) - S5x10 - The Happening

582. (NA) - S5x10 - Hold On

583. (NA) - S5x10 - Barracuda

584. (NA) - S5x10 - Gloria

585. (NA) - S5x10 - Jumpin' Jumpin'

586. (NA) - S5x10 - Danny's Song

587. (NA) - S5x11 - Vacation

588. (NA) - S5x11 - America

589. (NA) - S5x11 - More Than a Feeling

590. (NA) - S5x11 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

591. (NA) - S5x11 - Mr. Roboto/Counting Stars

592. (NA) - S5x11 - I Love LA

593. (NA) - S5x12 - Raise Your Glass

594. (NA) - S5x12 - Happy

595. (NA) - S5x12 - Keep Holding On

596. (NA) - S5x12 - Toxic

597. (NA) - S5x13 - Loser Like Me

598. (NA) - S5x13 - Party All the Time

599. (NA) - S5x13 - I Am Changing

600. (NA) - S5x13 - Don't Stop Believin' (Season Five)

601. (NA) - S5x13 - Just Give Me a Reason

602. (NA) - S5x13 - Be Okay

603. (NA) - S5x14 - Don't Sleep in the Subway

604. (NA) - S5x14 - You Make Me Feel So Young

605. (NA) - S5x14 - Best Day of My Life

606. (NA) - S5x14 - Rockstar

607. (NA) - S5x14 - Downtown

608. (NA) - S5x14 - People

609. (NA) - S5x15 - Not While I'm Around

610. (NA) - S5x15 - I'm Still Here

611. (NA) - S5x15 - You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman

612. (NA) - S5x15 - Colorblind

613. (NA) - S5x15 - Broadway Baby

614. (NA) - S5x15 - No One Is Alone

615. (NA) - S5x16 - Addicted to Love

616. (NA) - S5x16 - Love Is a Battlefield

617. (NA) - S5x16 - I Want to Know What Love Is

618. (NA) - S5x16 - Let's Wait Awhile

619. (NA) - S5x17 - Lovefool

620. (NA) - S5x17 - I'm the Greatest Star

621. (NA) - S5x17 - Pumpin Blood

622. (NA) - S5x17 - Who Are You Now

623. (NA) - S5x17 - NYC

624. (NA) - S5x18 - Piece of My Heart

625. (NA) - S5x18 - Wake Me Up

626. (NA) - S5x18 - The Rose

627. (NA) - S5x18 - Doo Wop (That Thing)

628. (NA) - S5x19 - Werewolves of London

629. (NA) - S5x19 - Memory

630. (NA) - S5x19 - Lucky Star

631. (NA) - S5x19 - Take Me Home Tonight

632. (NA) - S5x19 - I Melt with You

633. (NA) - S5x20 - All of Me

634. (NA) - S5x20 - No Time At All

635. (NA) - S5x20 - Shakin' My Head

636. (NA) - S5x20 - Pompeii

637. (NA) - S5x20 - Glitter in the Air

638. (NA) - S5x20 - Girls on Film

639. (NA) - S6x01 - Sing

640. (NA) - S6x01 - Dance the Night Away

641. (NA) - S6x01 - Uninvited

642. (NA) - S6x01 - Let It Go

643. (NA) - S6x01 - Suddenly Seymour

644. (NA) - S6x02 - Tightrope

645. (NA) - S6x02 - Home

646. (NA) - S6x02 - Problem

647. (NA) - S6x02 - Mustang Sally

648. (NA) - S6x02 - Viva Voce

649. (NA) - S6x03 - It's Too Late

650. (NA) - S6x03 - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet

651. (NA) - S6x03 - You Learn/You've Got a Friend

652. (NA) - S6x03 - Hand in My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move

653. (NA) - S6x03 - So Far Away

654. (NA) - S6x04 - Rock Lobster

655. (NA) - S6x04 - Whip It

656. (NA) - S6x04 - Thousand Miles

657. (NA) - S6x04 - Bitch

658. (NA) - S6x05 - All Out of Love

659. (NA) - S6x05 - Father Figure

660. (NA) - S6x05 - My Sharona

661. (NA) - S6x05 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

662. (NA) - S6x06 - Wishin' And Hoping

663. (NA) - S6x06 - Baby It's You

664. (NA) - S6x06 - What the World Needs Now

665. (NA) - S6x06 - Promises, Promises

666. (NA) - S6x06 - They Long to Be Close to You

667. (NA) - S6x06 - I'll Never Fall in Love Again

668. (NA) - S6x06 - Alfie

669. (NA) - S6x07 - You Give Love a Bad Name

670. (NA) - S6x07 - Somebody Loves You

671. (NA) - S6x07 - All About That Bass

672. (NA) - S6x07 - I Know Where I've Been

673. (NA) - S6x07 - Same Love

674. (NA) - S6x08 - I'm So Excited

675. (NA) - S6x09 - Uptown Funk

676. (NA) - S6x09 - I Want to Break Free

677. (NA) - S6x09 - Break Free

678. (NA) - S6x09 - Lose My Breath

679. (NA) - S6x09 - Cool Kids

680. (NA) - S6x09 - Friday I'm in Love

681. (NA) - S6x10 - Far From Over

682. (NA) - S6x10 - Rather Be

683. (NA) - S6x10 - Rise

684. (NA) - S6x10 - The Trolley Song

685. (NA) - S6x10 - The Final Countdown

686. (NA) - S6x11 - We Built This City

687. (NA) - S6x11 - Mickey

688. (NA) - S6x11 - Chandelier

689. (NA) - S6x11 - Come Sail Away

690. (NA) - S6x11 - Listen to Your Heart

691. (NA) - S6x11 - Take Me to Church

692. (NA) - S6x12 - Pony

693. (NA) - S6x12 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot/2009)

694. (NA) - S6x12 - Popular

695. (NA) - S6x12 - I'm His Child

696. (NA) - S6x12 - I Kissed a Girl

697. (NA) - S6x13 - Daydream Believer

698. (NA) - S6x13 - Someday We'll Be Together

699. (NA) - S6x13 - I Lived

700. (NA) - S6x13 - This Time

701. (NA) - S6x13 - Teach Your Children

702. (NA) - S6x13 - The Winner Takes It All

#admirabletragedy #glee #glee stats #glee soundtrack rating project #glee soundtrack rating project results

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heartofsnark · 4 years ago

Text

This is Love (Chapter Eight): Whispers of Wolves

Notes: Heyo, since A) I took a break and B) it’s friday the thirteenth, as it was when I posted the first chapter of this is love back in January, I decided to go ahead and post chapter 8 today. Chapter 9 is already done and I’ll be beginning work on chapter 10 soon, as this is my current hyper fixation. I hope you all enjoy.

Word Count: 8671

Chapter Warnings: Oh boy we got some shit today my dudes! Stories/Reference of Past Child Abuse, Animal Death In the Context of Hunting, Homphobic Slurs/Homphobia towards lesbians, and referenced past anti-Semitism. Less important but there’s a pov change and like three different quotes in this chapter, from the Book of Joseph, and two different songs, which is probably a lot but I ain’t editing this shit anymore

For chapter one and the warnings about this fic’s overarching themes, please click here!

For the previous chapter; click here

Pain cracks through Joseph’s skull late that night, shooting across from each temple, seeming to split his head apart. He sits on the edge of his small bed, a modest bedroom in the back of his church. He knows what it means, he’s grown accustomed to the sharp ringing pain, visions always come with it. They’ve started to come more frequently since The Lamb arrived.

He grabs at his head, as if he could press hard enough to keep his skull together as pain racks him, an instinctual reaction. Pain strikes through and breaks the reality of the world around him, closed eyes starting to see visions of what could be, images of what may await him.

A world anew surrounds him; one changed by the Collapse and washed of sins. Lush and natural, even more beautiful than the world that came before it. Vibrant pink flowers decorate the earth, thick green moss covering trees. A soft pink flowered apple tree stands at the center of the compound, white buildings replaced with hand made little houses.

Men and women are all around, working around New Eden. Parents playing with their children, carrying their babies; loyal followers allowed to pass through the gates and grow their family. Some members bring back hunted animals to be prepared for meals and others tending to gardens.

And then he sees his brothers and sister.

A fact that changes time and time again as his visions come to him in waves. He’s seen New Eden with and without them. He’s seen each of his siblings die time and time again, old and young, premonitions of what will be or what could be.

In this version, this vision, he’s been allowed his siblings. Faith, Jacob, and John talk at a distance where Joseph can’t quite hear the words, only taken in the moment. Jacob and John’s ages showing more clearly in the gray just starting to pepper their hair.

A voice rises above all others, cutting through the mumbled conversation through the compound, and Joseph knows it’s calling towards him. The soft voice calls him a name similar in meaning to his title, but it cuts to his heart so differently.

“Papa!”

Through the eyes of his older self, he can only watch and take in what happens, no control as he turns to see the source. A young boy of about five comes running towards Joseph, bright blue eyes and an even brighter smile. Joseph’s body moves of it’s own volition reaching out to hug his son, his son, but before he can feel the embrace of his child the world cracks apart again.

Pain splinters through the world and rips him from the moment, when he opens his eyes again he’s back in his room. And his hands itch to hold his son who’s yet to exist, instead he rubs at his temples, fingers knotting in his own hair as he attempts to soothe the agony within his own head. The only respite being what he hopes is a new promise from his creator. A chance for his family to not only walk with him to New Eden, but the chance to expand it.

He’ll have a son. The very idea soothes his pain and is like a salve to frayed nerves. Becoming an internal mantra as he eases himself back to sleep that night.

Sweat coats Dahlia’s skin as she does another push up, her muscles aching at the workout. She shifts to lay on her back on the living room floor, t-shirt riding up her sweaty stomach. Her second day of no work has turned into an impromptu work out, push up and using doorways for chin-ups. She uses her shirt to wipe sweat off her forehead before grabbing her phone to check the time. Dahlia must have gotten her way through the day, it has to be late by now.

“Fucking hell.”

It’s noon, it’s only fucking noon.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” She screams into a pillow, how the fuck is it only noon? Dahlia looks at the mess of her coffee table, trying to consider what to do just to eat at her time, she could draw again. But her hand is still cramping. She read somewhere you’re suppose to do warm up for drawing, she’ll have to start doing that.

Then she sees the Book of Joseph, her drawing still sticking out of it. She’s burned through her backlog of manga on her phone and fuck, it’s something to do. Joseph seemed like a genuinely sweet man, maybe he has something interesting to say. Music still blasting, because everything in her life requires a soundtrack, she opens the book.

“Bless the name of those who have dealt you blows.

Be grateful to those who have caused you harm.

For it is these sufferings that have led you to me.”

The first sermon in the book, she chews her lip, it’s not that much different from things Joseph told her yesterday, that he’s thankful her past led her to him. But, something rubs her wrong about the idea of being grateful for her abuse. Not for her, she plans on dying mad about it. She reads onward, an illustration of a flaming capital building surrounded by waves with someone drowning in the foreground. That’s…dramatic.

“If a person had been walking down the poorly maintained road out front of the Seed’s house on that afternoon in June and felt the strange urge to glance over, they would have witnessed a bizarre sight.

They would have seen a man dress in black pants and a white undershirt, frothing with anger, brandishing a comic book in one hand and a bible in the other at his son, a child of about ten. But no one had been down this in the poor suburb of Rome, Georgia, in a long time. Not ice cream trucks, not social service cars, not even police patrols.”

Dahlia stops almost three pages in as Joseph begins to write about a dying widow who once gave him and Jacob cakes before she grew sick. The picture he’s painted is far too clear and hits too close to home for her to continue, at least for the moment. A belligerent bible thumping drunk of a father who derided Joseph for loving Spiderman comics and beat Jacob’s back for the younger brother’s supposed misgivings.

Father Monroe, her stepfather, wasn’t quite the ruddy faced sloppy drunk that Old Man Seed was. But when Joseph describes Jacob offering his back up for a beating, she nearly feels the bite of leather against her own. Stripes for the backs of fools, is all she hears.

She wants to talk to Joseph, she realizes, thinking of both the beginning sermon passage and how their own pasts match up. Does he really bless the man who hurt him? Is he grateful for Old Man Seed? Maybe that kind of forgiveness and peace with it comes with age or is it just him? Ruth has a similar story as well, a little older than Dahlia, and she holds on to the same anger Dahlia does. Has Joseph managed to let it go? Does he still like Spiderman? Did his father beat the passion for comic books out of him or does he still enjoy them? Its hard to imagine, the intense Joseph Seed casually reading a comic book.

Less than three pages is a pathetic excuse for reading and didn’t pass much time, but it’s intense for her. So, she’d rather just…stare at the wall for a bit until she’s ready to tackle it again.

It’s Saturday night, Pratt and Hudson won’t be going to The Spread Eagle tonight, because no work. Meaning a rather mundane day with no interruptions. Other than a short walk, Dahlia spends the rest of it fucking around on her phone and watching shitty tv; passing out after downing an unevenly heated microwave meal.

Sunday morning rolls around, spent much like the last, Dahlia using her down time and excess energy to work out. It’s important to stay on top of exercising and staying in shape, given her profession, she makes a mental note to order some weights online. There’s not really a proper gym in the county and she doesn’t want to lose muscle.

She’s in the middle of another round of pushups when there’s a knock at her door; she jumps up from her position, skin still slick with sweat as she rushes towards the door. Finally, something to disrupt the monotony.

It’s Pratt standing on her porch, hazel eyes looking her over. She’s expecting a shitty comment on her appearance, dressed in shorts and a baggy shirt, hair mussed with sweat.

“You need something?” She asks him, slightly out of breath. Dahlia lifts the bottom of her shirt, using it to wipe sweat from her face, breeze skimming the bare skin of her stomach.

“What the hell has you sweating, Rook?” The older deputy chews his lip, avoiding eye contact for a moment.

“I was working out.”

“With a head injury? Seriously?”

“The fuck else am I suppose to do?”

“Figured you’d be bored out of your mind, reason I’m here,” he grins, “throw some clothes on and we can head out.”

“You mind if I shower first?” She asks, while she’s not sure where he plans on dragging her but she’d rather not stink like sweat while she’s there.

“Uh, yeah, sure that’s fine.”

“You wanna wait in here?”

He nods and Dahlia steps aside to let Pratt into her trailer, it’s not the most tidy of place because, well, she’s not the most tidy of people. She can feel the judgement starting to build up as Pratt looks around her messy living room. A pillow and blanket haphazardly on the couch; her duffle bag on the ground with clothes falling out of it. Her table has her sketchbook, thankfully closed, and the Book of Joseph is tucked under it. It’s a messy little nest, but it’s hers.

“Are you sleeping on your couch?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s just, I prefer it,” she explains with a shrug, not really sure how to elaborate on her weird feeling about sleeping in a bed.

“You have a bed, right?”

“Yes, I have a bed, I just, shut up. I don’t barge into your house and start judging how you live,” she pinches the bridge of her nose, “just sit down, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Dahlia grabs a change of clothes, hearing the couch springs creak as Pratt sits down. It’s weird seeing someone in her trailer. The closest she’s had to visitors have stayed on her porch. Pratt is the first person to be in her actual trailer, he looks immensely out of place and judging by his eyes glancing around, he seems to feel that way too. She tries not to think too hard about it, making a beeline to her bathroom.

She tries to keep her shower short, not wanting to make Pratt wait too long and not wanting him to snoop while he’s left alone. That doesn’t stop her from playing music as she showers, just limiting herself to two songs before she jumps out. A quick dry off and she tugs on her clothes, towel still on her damp hair as she walks back out to her living room.

Pratt, sure enough, has found something to snoop through. Dahlia grimaces at the sight of him picking through her little jewelry box of photos. Was he rifling through her dufflebag? She clears her throat, smirking when he jumps up.

“I was just-”

“Snooping,” she cuts him off, ruffling the towel over her hair.

“It fell out of your bag.”

“No it didn’t.”

“It did...after I kicked it a little, but it did fall out.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she snatches the little wooden box off the table, Lloyd and Caroline’s photo booklet was on top, so at least she probably avoided him seeing baby photos.

“You, uh, don’t look much like your parents. You adopted or something?”

She can’t help but chuckle as she puts it away; she can’t blame him for thinking Lloyd and Caroline must be her parents. The pair are both about Whitehorse’s age and why else would she have so many photos with a couple that age. But, the couple absolutely look nothing like her. Both fairer skinned and blue eyed; Lloyd with dark strawberry blonde hair and Caroline with light honey blonde locks. Short of some shenanigans the chance of them producing an olive skinned, brown eyed brunette is slim. And while the couple have their share of adopted children; Dahlia isn’t one of them.

“No.”

“Oh, uh…” She can nearly see the gears turning in Pratt’s head, her usual one word style of answering has put Caroline’s devotion in question and Dahlia won’t have that.

“They’re not my parents; legally or biologically.”

“Oh, you just hang out with old couples?”

“Maybe, maybe not, ain’t really any of your business,” she shrugs, “more importantly, where the hell are we supposed to be going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I don’t trust your surprises.”

“Would you rather sit here and twiddle your thumbs all day?”

“Fuck no.”

“That’s what I thought, you ready to go then?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she throws the damp towel onto her laundry chair before shoving her feet into her boots, “lets get going.”

She locks up behind Pratt then follows him out to his car. Compared to the last time she was in his car, this is infinitely more relaxing. She hums along to the radio, resisting the urge to sing along. He probably already heard her yelling along to her music in the shower, she doesn’t need to blast his eardrums at close range. After one song ends and another shittier one begins she starts to fiddle with the radio setting.

“The driver is supposed to pick the music,” Pratt tells her as she flips through stations, trying to find a station playing something other than country.

“The driver needs to worry about the road, while I find something worth listening to.”

“Yeah, ‘cause your taste in music is so good.”

“I have excellent taste in music,” she turns to one station and it sounds like a choir.

Help me, Faith

Shield me from sorrow

From fear of tomorrow

“Turn that crap off, right now.”

“The hell is that?” It’s not a bad song like technically speaking, but it’s definitely a bit much.

“Peggie station, it's all crap, Eden’s Gate runs it. It’s all their choir music and sermons.”

“Gross, but the song ain’t that bad.”

“You might wanna have your head checked again.”

“Piss off.”

She finds something better, even if she doesn’t necessarily mind Eden’s Gate music, she’d rather listen to something without fear of a sermon coming up after. At the very least, Pratt doesn’t complain about her choice, a few more songs playing before they cross into Holland Valley.

“How’s your impromptu vacation been going?”

“Boring.”

“That’s what I thought,” he laughs, “figured you’d be going stir crazy by now.”

“So, you decided to come end my boredom?”

“No need to sound so excited,” Pratt rolls his eyes, not appreciating her lackluster response.

“Sorry, I, uh, do appreciate it,” she admits, looking out the windows, cheeks warming at it. It’s embarrassing to say that she is genuinely thankful. Hell she nearly jumped up and ran to the door like a dog when he knocked. Boredom is hell.

“Oh, it’s fine, I was bored too.”

They pull into the police station parking lot and she raises an eyebrow at him as he parks. He’s taken her to work? What on earth is he planning?

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re gonna enjoy this, c’mon.”

She follows him out and around the building to the helipad she noticed before, a black police grade helicopter on it. He doesn’t hesitate to climb into the pilot's seat, telling her to get in. She listens, climbing into the seat next to him. It looks like a mess of buttons and controls to her, none of them making sense. But Pratt confidently starts turning switches, lights coming to life in front of her. They’re going for a helicopter ride, holy shit.

“Pffft,” Pratt huffs out a laugh, “we’re not even in the air yet and you’re already grinning.”

“This is okay, right? Like, no one will mind.”

“I’m the only person at the station who can fly, so if they needed it, they’d be calling me anyway. Don’t worry.”

“I’m fine, I just wanted to know I can enjoy this guilt free.”

“And lift off,” Pratt says as he brings the chopper up off of the ground. The station grows smaller and smaller as they ascend up into the air.

“Wow…” Is all as can seem to say at first as the chopper kisses the sky.

They’re surrounded by a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds as Pratt flies across the county. Lush green forests and farms beneath them, mountains along the edges of the county. A top down view of animals running through, specks in their vision. She oohs and awes, unable to help acting like an excited child over the view. They fly along the county, Pratt is kind enough to answer her stupid questions about flying, what buttons and switches mean. She’s certain to a seasoned pilot her naïve question must be frustrating, but he grins with every answer. Before she knows it the sky around them has shifted to an awash of pinks and purples, the sun setting, before a midnight sky takes it place. Brilliant stars twinkling around them, feeling so close, like she could reach out and touch Andromeda.

Once it gets too late, Pratt lands back at the station, her cheeks ache from all the time smiling. He drives her back to the trailer park, the pair in comfortable silence as she hums along to the radio. Her thoughts drifting off as they are so quick to do. Pratt and her butted heads a bit when they first met, but he’s quickly become her closest friend in the county. Their light-hearted bickering and shenanigans have become her favorite part of her days in Hope County.

He walks with her to her trailer, shoulders brushing occasionally as they move. She turns to look at him when they reach her door. Dahlia clenches and unclenches her hands searching for what she wants to say.

“Thanks, a lot, really.”

“You like flying that much?”

“Not just for that, not to be all mushy and crap, but coming out here, keeping me from going nuts, being my friend. It, uh, means a lot, seriously.”

“Eh,” he scratches at the back of his neck, avoiding her eyes, “just watching out for you, probie.”

“Well, I appreciate it, I, uh, know I’m not the easiest person to get along with.”

“No one in this county is.”

“Good to know I fit in, I guess.”

“Uhh, you’re getting there, once you start stinking like beer all day and have a house full of deer heads, we’ll call it good.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she grins, “night.”

“Night.” She waves Pratt off before going back to her trailer to settle in for the night.

Monday is spent showing up to the station just to play with Petunia behind the building; just laying on the ground while the fluffy opossum crawls on her. She scratches along the marsupial’s back as they nuzzle into her neck.

“Aren’t you supposed to be home relaxing or something?” Beau asks and Dahlia shifts her head back to look at him.

“I am relaxing, what are you doing?”

“Well, everyone asked me to go see what that weirdo deputy was doing, so here I am.”

“Oh no, you hear that Petunia,” she looks at her opossum friend, “people think I’m weird.”

“Yeah, talk to the ‘possum, that’ll really show ‘em.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and he just rolls his eyes, leaving her alone for the moment. Pratt and Hudson invite her out to The Spread Eagle once the sun starts to set, but a steady throbbing ache has built in her head, she skipped pain meds. And the idea of the jukebox booming in her skull makes her turn it down for the night, once she’s back to work she’ll treat them to a meal there, she decides on the quiet ride home.

Dahlia wakes up the next day and decides to finally take that hike, wanting to explore some of the mountains and woods that surround the county. The brunt of the trails seem to be within the Whitetail Mountain area up north, the mountains in the Henbane are mostly around that statue and as much as she likes Joseph more than before; the statue is still creepy.

She tucks her sketchpad, pencils, water, and her pain meds in the storage under her motorcycle seat before she drives up to the mountains; the north section of the county is colder, a chill from the air as she rides up. She stops in at an Old Sun Outfitters, buying a little black backpack to carry her stuff in when she hikes.

The woods around her get thicker and thicker as rides further into the mountains, land growing steeper with every minute, civilization sparser and sparser; buildings harder to find, just peeks of wood or cement through trees. The trees clear on her right as a turn of the road leads her to a large parking lot with little hutch and a sign that says, ‘rest area’. The hutch says Valley View Overlook. It’s built at the top of a plateaued piece of land, not as towering as the mountains in the distance, but higher than the meager hills of the valley or river. She parks her motorcycle and packs the bag before taking in the view.

A small navel high fence, she imagines waist high for others, keep animals or children from just running off the side of the mountain. It’s a beautiful sight; she can see why the lot is named after it. She takes a deep breath of fresh mountain air looking out at the soft blue sky that meets the mountains in the horizon; the deep green forests further down. Air so clean and refreshing, but for some reason she finds herself pulling out a cigarette, to fill her lungs with smoke. Too much good needs a bad, she supposes. She watches the white clouds and birds flying through, as she lets smoke settle heavy in her lungs, only parting from the sight when her cigarette threatens to burn her fingers.

She follows along a little beaten trail through the woods, kicking up rocks and crushing grass underfoot as she lets the trees surround her. Grass rustles around where animals sneak through; deer running through, other hikers crossing her path, and hunters packing bucks back home with dogs sniffing along after them.

It doesn’t take long for her to go off the path, just walking in any direction that catches her interest. Deeper and deeper into the woods, following divots and drop offs, walking along the occasional stream of water that passes through the area. Her feet and head start to ache as hours pass, the cool air no longer able to chill her body as exertion coats her skin in sweat.

A hunting stand, one of many, is within the woods. Gray metal built around a tree with a ladder leading up. It’s empty, but if a hunter really needs it, she’ll move along. She climbs up curling her legs under her on the stand as she pulls off her back pack and red flannel, the sleeves now sweaty after her walk. Dahlia ties it around her waist, feeling the cool air on her skin as she takes a deep breath.

She takes a deep swig of water and one of the pain killers. There’s a crush of grass and she looks up to see a group of deer a short distance from the stand. A fawn and what may be younger deer, with a buck among them. The buck’s fur grayer in color than the richer warmer brown of the others. Dahlia gets out her sketchpad and pencils, balancing them on her knee as she takes the drawing the creatures. A calm energy and flow falls over her as she draws, the only sound the animals rustling within the woods. She’s better at drawing people than animals, she realizes, when she can’t quite get the right slope of the buck’s muzzle, but she doesn’t stress herself over it. No one will ever see her wonky deer. She looks up; the buck has gotten much closer, shuffling near the stand.

Dahlia puts her sketchbook aside, half finished wonky deer abandoned, as she moves to lay on her belly over the edge of the hunter’s stand. She stretches her hand out, his antlers high enough for her fingers to just brush the velvety texture. But that’s not what she’s after, wanting to pet the stags head. Dahlia shifts to a knee and a foot, she forces the fingers of one hand into the grating to keep a solid grip on the stand. She leverages herself to lean further and further out, stretching a hand out and nearly hanging completely off the stand. Her fingers just centimeters away from touching the stag’s head.

The fuzz of fur brushes across her fingers and the soft brown eyes looking up at her go blank; blood spraying from the side of the buck’s head as it’s body goes limp to the ground. She can’t help but jump back and fall on her ass; gasping at the now dead deer in front of the stand, the rest of them have scattered at the sight.

Maybe she should have expected it, being in hunter territory, but the closeness of it still startles her. There’s a heavy thud of boots, steady consistent footfalls crushing branches and grass beneath them. Ginger hair with shaved down sides and an army jacket; Jacob Seed.

This is likely the only time she’ll ever be taller than him, watching him from the stand as he shifts a bright red rifle from his hands to on his back. It seems so vivid and ostentatious compared to his utilitarian style of dress. There’s a childish urge to jump on his back and scare him. But, they don’t know each other well and he’s a veteran, so she can’t know how he’d react to the sort of thing. Maybe a boo would be okay, just something small?

“You enjoying the show, honey?”

Dahlia jolts, taken aback by the sudden acknowledgment. She tucks a strand of hair back behind her ear and chews her lip watching as he starts to gather up the slain deer; then he looks up at her, blue eyes sharp and harsh. All the masculine Seeds have blue eyes and intense stares; but Jacob’s gaze is colder than Joseph’s and more steady than John’s. Something almost predatory to it.

“I was drawing him,” she says after a moment, looking down at the stag.

“And I was hunting him.”

“Still would have appreciated another minute or two,” she says as she grabs her bag, throwing the sketchbook back inside before she jumps off the stand.

“So, you could flail around and try to pet him for another five minutes.”

“Hey,” she pouts, she was caught hanging from a hunting stand like the child she is, but, “wait, you saw me?”

He gives a vague grumble of agreeance, more preoccupied with tying up the hooves of his latest hunt to make it easier to carry.

“And you still shot? You could have shot my hand off.” Has this man never taken a gun safety course, she catches a glimpse of the scope on his rifle, there’s no way he didn’t see how close his shot was to her hand. He chuckles, dry and deep, mocking her.

“Relax, if I wanted to shoot you, you’d be dead by now.”

“Wow, that’s not comforting.”

“Wasn’t trying to be,” he says, standing up and packing the giant deer over his shoulder, like it’s nothing.

Dahlia reaches out to touch it, fingers brushing through soft fur, no warmth beneath it. She might as well be petting a rug. Jacob starts to walk off and she doesn’t know why, but she follows him. Hands clasped behind her back and walking heel to toe after him. Maybe it’s just because she’s curious about him. He’s the only one of the Seeds not to take a strange interest in her for whatever reason.

He doesn’t say anything at first, allowing her to follow along after him. Leaves and grass crush under foot as she follows along behind him, curious as to where he’s going or doing. She’s not sure what she expects, but it’s something to do if nothing else.

“You got somewhere to be?”

“Not really, no.” She tries to crane her head around, trying to get a better look at his face to gauge his reaction, but their height difference is too big to truly do so. The man has to be around a foot and a half taller than her; he seems even taller than the sheriff.

“Well, I do, so get out of here.” Her smirk drops, she was hoping to see him get more agitated like the youngest Seed brother, but his voice doesn’t rise. Staying the same steady deep timbre.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere you need to be, sweetheart.”

“The nicknames aren’t really necessary.” She can’t help but say, wrinkling her nose in annoyance, the condescending way he calls her sweetheart and honey make her nauseous.

“Neither is following me like a lost puppy dog; but here you are.”

“I’m bored.”

“Not my problem.”

“You killed my only entertainment, so it is now.”

He comes to a sudden stop and Dahlia has to stop herself from running into his back; she doesn’t particularly want deer corpse on her face. He turns to face her; expression still the same stern look he usually carries, and she misses his grin when he was talking to kids at the barbecue.

“Look here, deputy, sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong and irritating me isn’t a habit you want to form. Get out of here.”

“Oh no,” she rolls her eyes, “I’m really scared.”

“Keep pushing, sweetheart, won’t get you anywhere.”

“God, you’re no fun.”

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

“Jacob is something wrong,” a voice cuts through their conversation, rough and masculine. And Dahlia see the long-haired man and short haired girl from the barbecue; the ones who shot her dirty looks when she talked back to Jacob.

“Nothing you need to concern yourselves with.”

“What are you doing here?” The woman asks Dahlia directly.

“Standing.”

“Fallon,” Jacob says the woman’s name, stern tone making her posture snap straighter, “I said it’s none of your concern. Let’s go.”

The three of them start to leave down a path; Fallon and the long-haired man have heavy bucks they pack as well. A hunting trip for Jacob and his…friends? Are they friends? That didn’t seem like friendship, but Dahlia is far from an expert on the matter. She offers a goodbye wave; but Fallon just rolls her eyes. Their steady footfalls leaving the deputy behind.

Well, it staved off the boredom for a while she supposes.

Dahlia lets out a huffy sigh, blowing loose strands of hair from her face as she begins back down the path she came. The sun is setting by the time she’s back to the parking lot and climbing on top of her bike.

Her stomach is growling by the time she’s driving down a main road, she sees the sign for The Grill Steak as she reaches the intersection. Dahlia pulls in, letting her stomach guide her actions, as she’s one to do.

It’s a small restaurant packed with groups of people from friends to families; she can feel the heat of the grill radiating through, the smell of her making her stomach growl. She settles into a booth by herself, when she reads through it the menu is full of gamey meat burgers and steaks. No signs of beef or pork; it’s all bison and deer. She wonders if the cook hunts everything himself, it wouldn’t surprise her, given what she’s seen of the county. He can hear the cook yelling something she can’t understand from the kitchen. Dahlia settles on ordering a cola and a deer burger; thinking about the hunted stag she saw Jacob kill.

As she waits on her food, the chatter of a group catches her ear. They’re not from Hope County; the different cadences of how they speak mingled with fancy latin technical terms tells her as much. Trying to be discreet; she glances at them over her shoulder. A group of four; two women and two men all around the same age. Dahlia’s not the brightest bulb in the pack by her own admission, but when she hears the words corvids and lupine, she realizes they’re talking about animals. It doesn’t shock her, given the abundance of wildlife in the county, certainly people would come to research them.

The door to the restaurant swings open and a man comes walking in, shoulders back and footfalls confident. It reminds her clearly of Jacob, the walk of a soldier, though this man isn’t quite as intimidating a figure. Older than Dahlia, though most people are, with a full dark beard and long scraggly dark hair. He doesn’t bother to take a seat at a booth or look at a menu, only giving a single wave to the cook in the back as he makes a beeline to the group. Dahlia shifts a little further down into her booth, not that anyone could truly tell she’s eavesdropping, but it gives a little more secrecy to it.

“You the conservationists?”

“Yeah, we’re studying the wildlife here… And you are?”

“Eli, not here to ‘cause trouble or anything like that, just wanted to give some friendly advice.”

“Friendly advice?”

“You need to watch yourselves out in those woods.”

“Pffft.”

“We’re well aware of how dangerous the wildlife out here can be. You-”

“No, you aren’t. There’s wolves-”

“And bears and mountain lions, oh my,” one of them jokes, “look, we know what we’re doing.”

“You’re not listening, they’re not regular wolves. They’ve been trained to kill and hunt people down on sight. Even if you avoid ‘em, you get on the cult’s bad side and they’ll send ‘em after you. You gotta be careful out here.”

“Okay, sure,” the eyeroll is nearly audible, “we’ll keep an eye out for killer cult wolves, don’t worry.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, alright.”

The man, Eli walks away, and Dahlia considers stopping him. Admitting her nosiness and ask him some of the million questions going through her mind. Surely by cult, he means Eden’s Gate, right? Dahlia can’t imagine who else he could mean. They’re small and close knit, but they’re not a cult, right? Cults imply something more out there or intense; they’re just a little Christian church. Joseph may have his own book, but they still follow Christian ideas of sins and scripture.

And wolves? How could they possibly be training wolves? It’s all so ridiculous and asinine, making gears spin and churn in her head until they overheat, but it was said with such conviction. By the time she brings herself to make a noise, Eli has already left, and it’s probably for the best. It’s too crazy to be true. Maybe he’s a tinfoil hat wearing type of guy, a conspiracy theorist like the Zip guy who leaves a newsletter in every damn corner of the county, screaming about chemtrails and baby farms.

She fills her stomach, deciding to leave that as it is, finally returning to her trailer late that night. A restless night of sleep with images of wolves and deer creeping around through her brain, nothing concrete enough to latch onto, but enough to unsettle.

A boring morning leads into a boring afternoon, time blurring before the sun has set and Dahlia’s finding herself pulling up to The Spread Eagle to catch her coworkers after their shift. She’s popped enough pain killers that the throb of music and noise is welcomed instead of irritating. A smile already gracing her lips when she catches Pratt and Hudson shooting the shit in the bar’s lowlight. As she sneaks up closer to them, their conversation starts to be audible over the tunes playing through the bar.

“I bet you break before then,” Hudson says, a teasing grin directed at Pratt.

“Hey, it’s only six months.”

“Please, you’re weak and you know it.”

“How much you wanna bet?”

Dahlia strikes, throwing her arms over Pratt’s shoulders, effectively hugging him from behind and leaning her weight into him. He’s warm and Dahlia can’t fight the impulse to squeeze him a little tighter. She breathes in the faint smell of coffee and cologne that still cling to him; comforting after so much time spent around him.

“Jesus fuck, when’d you get here?” Pratt blusters and at this close of a range Dahlia can see his cheeks pinkening under the scruff of his beard. Does this bother him?

“Right now.”

“You decided to come hang out again?” Hudson asks, grinning at the flustered Pratt.

“Mmhmm,” Dahlia hums into Pratt’s shoulder, pressing her face into him, “bored.”

“Get off me,” he grumbles and reaches back to swat at her hip.

“Ugh, buzzkill,” she bitches as she detaches from Pratt and climbs onto a bar stool, “so what the hell are you guys making bets about?”

Pratt coughs, trying to dislodge something from his throat, and Hudson laughs, “yeah, Pratt why don’t you tell her about our bet?”

“Don’t worry about it, Rook.”

“We still need to set an amount.”

“Fifty,” Pratt suggests and Dahlia wants to know even more what the hell they’re making bets about.

“Mmm, hundred.”

“Fine, if you’re comfortable losing that much.”

“Anyone gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“Nope.”

“Well, that’s gonna drive me crazy now, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

She sticks her tongue out at him and orders food, stuffing her face as she listens to her coworkers fill her in on anything of interest she’s missed during her off time. It’s not much, as usual, the workload in Hope County is pretty low stakes. Hunting violations, speeding tickets, and the like. Seems like her assault is about the most interesting case in a while. Dahlia’s tempted to ask if they know anything about wolf attacks but bites her tongue before she does. Hope County is filled with wildlife, wolf attacks have no doubt occurred to some degree and if she mentions the idea of trained cult wolves, they might start to think she’s buying into the conspiracy shit.

“Stop,” Pratt says suddenly, putting hand on Dahlia’s knee, “you’re shaking the whole damn bar.”

Her leg she realizes has been bouncing the whole time, the hike helped, workouts help, but she’s still breaming with pent up energy. There’s a rustle of movement and Dahlia is drawn to the open floor near the jukebox, she’s seen a few people dance here and there, a couple now and again swaying to softer tunes while she’s been here. But, it’s more crowded tonight, people laughing and dancing together.

“People are dancing,” she states the obvious.

“It’s ladies’ night, women drink free, so everyone’s extra, uh, energetic tonight,” Hudson tells her.

An upbeat song starts and Dahlia’s up in the next breath, she needs to move, burn off excess energy. And while her favorite club in Lake Charles isn’t exactly available to her anymore, she’ll jump at the chance to lose herself in a song.

You should be wilder, you're no fun at all.

Dahlia’s singing along as she sways and shifts through the crowd, body moving instinctually to the beat. There’s a woman about Dahlia’s age, long blonde hair and brown eyes, dancing as well and the deputy finds herself gravitating towards her.

Yeah, thanks for the input.

Thanks for the call.

She asks low into the woman’s ear, so she can be heard over the music, if she can dance with her. The response is a smile, lighting up the girl’s face, a nod of her head and then she’s pulling Dahlia in by the hips.

With dull knives and white hands

The blood of a stone

Cold to the touch, right

Right down to the bone

And then she loses herself in it. In the music that fills the bar, the feeling of a stranger touching her, the slide of her feet as she moves, the way hips knock together, the scratch in her throat as she sings lyrics in the woman’s ear, their grins as they laugh and bump noses together. It’s fun and it’s silly, a reason to move and forget life for a moment.

Cause you give me the electric twist and it kicks and it kicks like a pony.

And true, you might run away with it, it's a risk it's a risk yeah.

Because it kicks yeah.

It really kicks yeah.

Dahlia spins the woman with a laugh, before pulling the woman close against her again, wide smiles and bright eyes as their foreheads touch. There’s sweat sticking to their skin as the song winds down. Panted breaths ghosting over each other’s faces as they come down from exertion.

And the touch of your lips it's a shock not a kiss

It's electric twist, it's electric twist

“How much I gotta pay to see you kiss?!” A loud voice booms out, making Dahlia and her dance partner of the night separate. There’s a man, couldn’t be older than his mid twenties, sitting at the bar with his legs sprawled open drinking a beer at the table between the bar and the dance area. His eyes linger and look over both women’s bodies

“Can I help you?” Dahlia asks and furrows her brows, glowering at the man as she draws closer.

“Oh just enjoying the show, sweetheart.”

“Not your sweetheart and I’m not a damn show.”

“Pfff, don’t get your panties in a twist,” he turns back to his table and rolls his eyes, as if Dahlia’s the problem, “fucking dykes.”

The junior deputy grits her teeth and she sees from her peripheral the woman rubbing the back of her neck, letting her bangs fall into her face looking like she’d rather disappear.

“The fuck did you call us?” She can’t stop herself from speaking, barely managing to reign her anger in enough not do something worse.

“You heard me.”

“Fuck you!”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Pratt’s voice cuts through as the man starts to turn to retort, the warmth of her coworker’s hand wraps around the clenched fist she didn’t realize she had raised.

“Is something wrong?” Mary May calls out, starting to walk out from behind the bar.

“Everything’s fine,” Pratt responds before Dahlia can say anything and when she starts to speak, he looks at her to whisper, “you’re barely three weeks into your job, you really wanna be getting into bar fights?”

“He ca-”

“I heard what he said, Rook, but it ain’t worth your job.”

“You’re right,” she gnaws on her lip and looks down on the ground, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I get it, I just don’t want you doing anything stupid.”

“I need some fresh air.”

Dahlia leaves The Spread Eagle, noticing the woman she danced with has already vanished, unwilling to deal with the bullshit. A cool breezes ghosts over her sweaty skin as she sits down on the porch steps at the front of the bar; running her hands through her hair as she fights to ease her nerves. She digs a pack of cigarettes out of her jacket pocket

There’s a crush of footsteps as she lights one, bringing it to her lips, shiny black leather boots entering her vision.

“Dep-yoo-tee.”

“You Seeds can just smell when I’m sad, can’t you?” She teases looking up to see John, the neon bar sign setting his face aglow in the night as he chuckles at her.

“Not my intention, but if you’re in need of a talk, I’d be happy to oblige.”

“You weren’t coming out here to harass Mary May again, were you?”

“Deputy,” he puts his hand to his chest cartoonishly dramatic in his hurt, “h-harassment? That’s ridiculous. am I not allowed to visit with Ms. Fairgrave and just discuss our difference of opinions.”

His voice is ramping up in pitch as he defends himself and Dahlia can’t help but smile, appreciating the distraction from her own troubles.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Mary May would have a different of opinion about that one. We still gotta talk about members stealing booze.”

“Our members would do no such thing; and I assure you, if there’s any harassment here, we’re the victims. We’ve been insulted, had our sermons interrupted, our practices mocked, Mary May herself once showed up our church simply to cause trouble.”

“Okay, okay, it’s a two-way street, I get it. Sit, we can chat for a bit,” she pats the section of porch step beside her and reluctantly after a beat of silence, he sits down, “so, Mary May caused trouble for you guys?”

“Yes, yes, she has and she’s not the only one; the people of this county have persecuted me and my family since we’ve been here.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, no one should mistreat you that way,” she looks him in the eye as she speaks, “and if it ever happens again, I want you to call down to the station, ask for me, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Well, it’s certainly nice to know you’re on our side.”

“Ah, ah, I’m on everyone’s side. Mary May is owed the same respect as you and your family; and if you cause issues for her, I won’t hesitate to intervene for her sake as well. I’m here to keep everyone safe. Got to treat everyone like you wanna be treated, the whole spiel.”

“I know you’re not preaching biblical principles to me, dep-yoo-tee.”

“Not biblical, just a little maturity.”

“Are you implying I’m immature.“

“You’re a grown man spatting with a woman ten or more years younger than you; throwing a tantrum and pointing fingers when you’re told to behave.”

“First of all, I’m not that old,” Dahlia raises an eyebrow at him, “don’t look at me like that, I’m 32. Secondly, I am not a child. Mary May has-“

“And if she does something again, now that I’m here, let me know and I will help. But her actions don’t justify yours.”

“Fine, I’ll be sure to hold you to that promise, then.”

“I mean it’s less a promise and more so doing my job, but alright.”

She breathes out a plume of smoke, making sure to aim away from John’s face, his blue eyes track the movement and the nicotine fumes that escape into the air. An ex-smoker, she deems as she watches him staring at her lips and the cigarette between her fingers.

“You want a smoke?” She asks, offering her pack of cigarettes.

“Smoking is forbidden in Eden’s Gate.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Tattooed fingers pick out a cigarette and she lights it for him with a grin, watching him take a deep inhale and blowing out the smoke that fills his lungs. The soft rise of his chest and the gray clouds that billow out from parted lips. She notices for the first time the freckles on his neck and chest, shirt unbuttoned low enough to expose them. There’s thin fresh scratches along his hands and forearms, too superficial and fresh to match the deeper worn in scars, they look like cat scratches. And yeah, he seems like a cat guy.

“So, now that you’ve berated and tempted me, deputy,” he speaks after an exhale of smoke, “why were you out here pouting?”

“BREH!” She plops her back down on the porch with a vague animal long groan and throws her arms over her eyes, cigarette still between two fingers, must he remind of her own issues.

“Well that certainly wasn’t immature or dramatic.”

And she laughs, because he’s right, she can preach maturity all she wants to him. But, she’s still a brat herself. She’d justify herself with their massive age difference, because no way he’s thirty-two, but that feels flimsy at best. They’re both just two temper tantrum throwing children, hell they’re even both fibbing about their ages. Though, she suspects his own much more severe than the few months she adds to her own.

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You know,” he lays back on the porch, matching her position, “I take the confessions for our church, if there’s anything you need to get off your chest, I’m the man to talk to.”

“Not much to say; guy called me a slur, I nearly throttled him.”

“Someone else’s actions don’t justify your own,” he parrots her words back to her.

“Yeah, someday I’ll follow my own advice.”

“Has that happened before?”

The gears in her brain churn, she’s been called many a thing, but her sexuality has been one of the less insulted facets of who she is.

Her stepfather, as religious as he was, was adamant on his hatred of gay people. But her own disinterest in exploring her sexuality or romance saved her from his scorn in that area, his focus more on the other various things he found deplorable about her.

Her mother’s side is Ashkenazi Jewish, and Dahlia remembers the few people of her stepfather’s church who despite her mother converting were disgusted their preacher would marry a Jewish woman. A handful leaving the church, a few sticking by just to call Dahlia and her mother slurs when their backs were turned.

The nightclub she favored in Louisiana was considered a gay bar, though not exclusive to LGBT folks. Women dancing with women, men dancing with men, men and women dancing; and a healthy amount of people who didn’t quite fit either label. Only one-night sticks out, a car speeding past the line outside the bar just to scream a slur out the window.

Maybe what bothered her most was the boldness. This wasn’t someone whispering when they thought Dahlia couldn’t hear, and this wasn’t a man just screaming out at the public as he speeds away. Just a man emboldened and willing to hurt her in front of a bar filled with people.

“We’re blocking the door.”Everything else died on her lips; unable to spill her guts.

“And we weren’t while you were lecturing me?”

Her phone buzzes in her jacket as she brings her cigarette back into her mouth, unwilling to justify her evasiveness to a man she barely knows, she answers a number she doesn’t know at all.

“Hello?” She says around her smoke.

“H-hello, is this a deputy?” A soft broken voice, she remembers from the diner, asks her and Dahlia sits up, tension pricking at the back of her neck.

“That’s me, Cassie?”

“You remember me…”

“What’s going on, are you okay?”

“Yeah, uh, I…” a beat of silence and a choked sob comes next, “no, I’m sorry, I’m, I’m not okay, I-“

“Where are you?” Dahlia’s on her feet, heartbeat in her throat as she waves off John’s furrowed brows and concern, running to her bike.

“I’m at the diner. I didn’t know where else to go…”

“I’m headed your way now, Cassie, are you safe?”

“I…I don’t know…I…”

Her voice breaks out into sobs again as Dahlia starts her engine, slams on her helmet, and switches her phone to the speaker in her helmet. The girl’s cries echoing around her as her wheels kick gravel across the parking lot, speeding out of Falls End.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #john seed #jacob seed #this is love #dahlia hale #joseph seed #if you ever think im like smart or competent i want you to know that everytime i post a chapter i doubt my ability to count #like i know last chapter was chapter 7 but am I reeeeallly on chapter 8 is that reaaaaalllly how numbers work

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