#wanna cry and I’m convinced everyone hates me

[mooninagust]

I think depression is on its way or even in full force already

[stevie-petey]

moron

I own you.  The words practically drip from your rose coated lips, meant only for Steve, and he knows he’s lost.  “Yeah, whatever.” And it’s agreed. Come this Saturday, you and Steve will be working together. No one else, just the two of you, for eight long, maddening hours. 

Summary: steve really hates his coworker, but you know who he hates even more ? your shitty ex boyfriend (who he just so happens to share jacket preferences with)

Rating: general, violence, lots of swearing

Warnings: allusions to abuse, use of bitch as derogatory language towards women, shitty ex boyfriend, violence, enemies to lovers (more friends), fem!reader, use of y/n

Words: 3.9k

Before you swing in: hey gang !! long time no stevie blurb, so here yall go <3 please, read the warnings for this one. theres a really shitty character in this and he may be triggering, so please be safe.

-

Steve doesn’t consider himself a bad guy.

Sure, he had the whole “King Steve” stint back in high school where he was an asshole to everyone, but he chooses to ignore those four years of his life. They were a brief lapse of judgment. 

A very long, brief lapse of judgment. But whatever.

The point is that Steve opens the door for strangers. He greets everyone with a smile and a polite nod of his head. When Robin forgets her lunch at work, Steve always gives her his. He walks his neighbor’s dog, he offers to carry groceries for the elderly. Hell, he even waves at babies. 

By all accounts, Steve would consider himself a goddamn saint. 

Except when it comes to you. 

Steve isn’t holding open any fucking doors for you and if you ever asked him to walk your dog, he’d laugh in your face. The moment you stepped foot in Family Video for your first shift, you made Steve’s life a living hell. He doesn’t know why or how you manage to dig so deep under his skin, but he’s convinced you do it on purpose. 

The movies you stack on the shelf always somehow manage to land on Steve’s head. The jokes you make with Robin are always at his expense. You never clock in on time, extending his shift by one more minute every goddamn time. The way you laugh pierces Steve’s skull, the sound rings in his ears and blinds his senses long enough to feel nauseous. 

Steve likes everyone, he isn’t a hard guy to please, but he truly, deeply, hates you. 

“Y/N wanted me to ask if you’d cover her shift this weekend,” Robin scans a beat up copy of Grease, trying to feign indifference as she brings the topic up. She absolutely doesn’t want to be doing this, she knows that any mention of you to Steve makes his eye twitch, but you called her crying and Robin is far too sympathetic for her own good. 

Predictably, Steve’s eye twitches and he snatches the movie from his coworker. “What, did she fall and hit her head this morning?” He scoffs, he can’t believe you even thought he’d consider the idea. “She knows I’d rather her show up with a broken arm and matching black eye to work before ever covering her shift.”

“Okay, that’s psychotically cruel. You know that, right?” Robin scans another movie and shakes her head. Steve hates you, she gets that, and while she doesn’t understand why, she also doesn’t like how much of an asshole he is about it. You’re her friend, too. Robin really likes you. 

“Good, I meant for it to be.”

“Steve, she’s going through a hard time right now–”

“No, I don’t wanna hear it, alright? I don’t care if her grandma died and left her an orphan,” the sound of the bell above Family Video’s front door rings, but Steve is too lost in his rant to hear it. “There’s no way in hell I’m ever, ever helping that demonic witch of a human being.”

Robin’s eyes widen and she tries to cover the teen’s mouth, hissing his name, but Steve bats her hand away and keeps going. “Y/N is a fucking moron for thinking otherwise, and that’s her problem. I mean, I know she’s your friend, which I still don’t know how she even managed to do that, but–”

“Steve!” Again Robin tries to get her friend to stop talking, but Steve is on a roll now. He’s fired up, tired of biting his tongue for the last six months. 

“She makes me want to physically tear my skin off and shove it down my throat every time she opens her mouth. And I’m being nice right now. I mean, I will gladly say this all to her tiny, annoying face–”

“Oh, you would?”

Immediately Steve’s voice dies and his words fall down upon his shoulders. He doesn’t dare turn around. He’s frozen. He’s convinced himself that if he doesn’t move then he can linger in the remaining few seconds where he hasn’t just said all those horrendous things with you standing right behind him. 

Robin drops her head onto the counter and groans. “You’re an idiot, Harrington.”

“Well, are you going to turn around?” Your breath almost fans Steve’s neck, you’ve walked up to him. He can practically envision the curl in your eyebrows whenever you get angry. An expression Steve has become familiar with. 

He gulps, still refusing to turn around. “You know, I really don’t think I can turn around.” His legs shake. Steve doesn’t think he’s ever fucked up this horribly before, and he’s fucked up a lot in his life. 

“Robin,” you turn your attention to her, the edge in your voice is the only indication of your anger. “Please inform our coworker that it’s inappropriate to use that language in a workplace, and please also inform him that I will no longer be needing him to cover my shift.”

“You… Don’t?” Robin looks between you and Steve. He still hasn’t looked at you yet, his face stares straight as if he’s trying to somehow disintegrate. You, however, face her with a steely look in your eyes, which surprises her. She thought there’d be more heartbreak in them. “I-I mean, are you sure? All things considered…”

“I’m fine.” The way you say it leaves no room for arguments. It’s already been decided, and Robin knows not to try and reason with you. She deflates, and you’re pleased with this. Even though her sympathy is unneeded, you can use it to your advantage. You’re going to make Steve pay. “In fact, I think you should inform our coworker that he’s covering your shift this weekend.”

Robin chokes on her spit, startled, while Steve finally turns to face you. “I’m sorry?”

“Aw, it’s okay, Harrington.” You pat his chest, albeit with more force than probably necessary, which he huffs at. “But I think the apology will work even better after spending some quality time together.”

You’re going to spend the entire eight hour shift making Steve’s life hell on earth. And he knows it.

“But–” 

“Say, Robin. What’s the company policy on harassment of employees?” You tap your finger against your chin with a menacing smile on your face. You’re enjoying this, and Steve hates you even more for that. “Doesn’t it say something about verbal insults?”

Steve sends the girl a pleading glance, begging her not to respond, but she can only shake her head at him. He’s the one who couldn’t keep his goddamn mouth shut. Sighing, Robin nods. “Yeah, it does.”

“I thought it did! Thanks, Buckley.” You wink at her before facing Steve again. He almost flinches at the coldness in your eyes. He’s so, so fucked. “Harrington, I’m sure you simply forgot, and I’m sure I can let bygones be bygones after you cover our dear friend’s shift. Yeah?”

I own you. 

The words practically drip from your rose coated lips, meant only for Steve, and he knows he’s lost. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

And it’s agreed. Come this Saturday, you and Steve will be working together. No one else, just the two of you, for eight long, maddening hours. 

–

When Steve arrives at work Saturday, you’ve already clocked in. 

He finds you sitting at the cash register, looking over the shipment for tomorrow. Sundays are the restock days, and the lists of orders are a pain in the ass to get through. It can take hours, sometimes even days, to comb through. When you see Steve walk in, you give him an icy smile. “Oh, perfect timing!” 

“We’re supposed to get here at eight.”

“And being early never hurt anyone.” Although you’re never early, you’re always late, and both of you know this. You scratch something off from the list, eyes never leaving Steve, and he can’t help but feel that the rough scratch of the pen is meant to symbolize his face. 

“What do you want?” Steve is too tired to play your games. He recognizes that he was a grade A asshole to you a few days ago, but this is going too far. 

You flick your hair behind your shoulder and straighten your posture. The gesture casts a cloud of a sickly sweet pomegranate scent over to Steve, causing him to sneeze violently. He’s always hated the perfume you wear. Smiling at the desired effect, you finally shove the restock lists towards him. “I need you to start sorting through next week’s orders.”

Steve looks at the lists and nearly cries. There’s at least thirty pages in the stack, doubled sided, with five columns and fifty rows. This is the largest shipment order he’s ever seen since working at Family Video, he can’t even believe it’s real.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Nope!” You hop down from the counter and walk over to the cart of returned movies. “Now, I’d get started if I were you. You know how much Keith hates it when we don’t get Sunday’s orders in on time.”

Your figure disappears behind a shelf of movies and Steve pretends to strangle you with his bare hands. You planned this. He doesn’t know how, but you did. If he didn’t have a reason to hate you so much, now he does. 

Hours pass by, you don’t at all speak to Steve as he labors over the shipments. Family Video requires the employees to manually input all the orders into the computer to send to the supply chain. The process alone is impractical and takes longer than it should, but pair that with the shitty computers that Keith refuses to upgrade, it makes Steve contemplate running into the road. The browser crashes three separate times. At one point he loses track of which movie he’d been on and has to restart an entire row at number forty-three.

It’s the worst fucking five hours of Steve’s entire life.

Meanwhile, all you do those five hours is browse through some online catalog on the other computer and help a total of two customers who come in. 

By the time Steve has finally finished inputting everything, words float around his vision and he can feel the beginning stages of a headache forming. The pressure sits right behind his left eye, dull and throbbing. 

All because he couldn’t keep his goddamn mouth shut.

Steve should really learn to listen to Robin. 

“Are you all done?” You materialize next to Steve, startling him and he lets out an embarrassing shriek, which you snicker at. “Wow, Harrington. You’re really tense today.”

He rolls his eyes and steps away from you. “Gee, I wonder why.”

“Yeah, who knows!” Steve glares at you and you smile right back at him. “Anyways, since you finished up so fast, why don’t you sort through the backorders next? It shouldn’t take you that long.”

The backorders. 

Steve wants to fucking scream.

The backorders are all the movies that the store can’t input into the system. They’re orders that get messed up, misplaced, and abandoned in Keith’s disgusting office. The pile of discarded movies has grown so large that it rivals Steve’s height and build. It’s its own entity at this point. A terrifying, breakdown inducing entity. 

You’re a fucking evil genius. 

But if Steve even looks at the backorders, he thinks he might actually murder you. 

“No,” he crosses his arms, trying to look more dignified and intimidating than he really feels. Awkwardly placing his weight on his left foot, he purposely ducks his head down to emphasize how much taller he is than you. “No way in hell am I going through the backorders.”

“I wonder what Keith would say when I tell him all the wonderful things you said about me on Wednesday,” you step forward, angling your head up to get a better look at Steve. You want him to see all the hatred you have for him in your eyes. 

What he said about you hurt. There’s no other way to put it. His words had been venom upon your skin, searing the flesh as it left a nasty scar. The wound has festered ever since, making your already shitty week even worse. 

Steve had called you “fucking moron”. Just like he had. 

“Oh, screw company policy and whatever that asshole Keith says!” Steve doesn’t care anymore if he has a job by the end of today. He’s had enough of your shitty mind games and power plays. He may have been a dick, but he doesn’t deserve any of this, either. The strenuous labor and migraines. “I’m done, alright? You’re being such a–”

“Bitch?” A gruff voice chuckles, interrupting. Steve, surprised to hear another male voice in the store, quickly turns around. 

The guy is tall, taller than Steve. That’s the first thing he notices. Then he notices the cold blue of his eyes and the way your entire body freezes in fear when you see him. Steve moves your body behind his, unconsciously putting you out of harm’s way, protecting you from whoever the hell this guy is in front of him. It’s instinctual, he doesn’t hesitate.

Who the fuck does this guy think he is, calling you a bitch?

“I would never call her that,” Steve squares his shoulders, putting ice into his words as he does so. He wouldn’t. He was going to call you a child. Steve would never call a woman a bitch, his mother raised him better than that and Robin would hit him if he ever did.

The guy laughs again. “You sure about that, buddy?”

“Jack,” Steve almost doesn’t hear you, you’re barely audible. He’s never heard your voice so soft before, so weak and scared; he decides he never, ever wants to be the cause of this voice. “You can’t be here.”

“Says who? I don’t see anybody kickin’ me out.” The guy, Jack, shrugs indifferently. He stuffs his hands into his jacket, it’s made of a nice, suede material that Steve is ashamed to admit he’d wear himself. “I wanted to see you, sweetheart.”

Jack tries to step closer to you, but Steve blocks him. “Funny, I thought she was a bitch?”

“Bitch, sweetheart, easy fuck, fucking moron.” Jack laughs, only this time it’s cruel. “It’s all the same when it comes to Y/N.”

Fucking moron.

Steve had said the same about you. A heavy weight of shame crushes his chest. He should’ve never called you such a cruel name. He knows that, now. 

“Don’t fucking talk about her like that,” Steve sneers, hand now coming around your arm as if terrified Jack will pull you away from him. “What the hell is your problem, man?”

“Why don’t you mind your own business? This is a conversation between me and the sweetheart over here.” Jack tries to reach for you again, but Steve shoves the guy away. He stumbles back, a wicked smile on his face. “Oh, the pretty boy can fight?”

“Steve,” You finally speak again, trying to shove yourself between the two men. The room grows hot and you don’t want anyone getting hurt. Not here, not with Steve. “Just leave it alone, walk away–”

Only Jack grabs your arm and viciously pulls, causing a pained yelp to escape you. A nerve pinches in your shoulder, he sends your body flying forward. His grip is harsh, it will leave bruises tomorrow, and you’re weak against him. Fear chokes you, he always does this.

“Don’t touch her.” Steve’s fist collides with Jack’s face, starbursts of pain explode in his wrist but he doesn’t care. All he sees is red now. Jack hurt you. He caused you to cry out in pain. Steve punches him again, the sound of pain you made rings in his ears, turns his blood cold and his anger boiling hot. 

Jack recovers from the punches quickly and he raises his fist, but you try to get him away from Steve. “Stop!” 

The fist comes down, you brace for impact, helpless against it, but the sound of skin hitting skin is all you’re met with. You open your eyes, Jack’s fist is in Steve’s palm. Stunned, Jack is too slow to pull away before Steve wraps his arm around his and twists it behind his back. The muscles strain, the ligament cries in pain as Jack’s arm is pulled dangerously far back. 

“Fuck!” Jack screams, contorting his body desperately to get out of the death lock he’s in. 

“You’re going to leave,” Steve hisses into his ear, “and you’re going to never, ever come back. If you even look at Y/N again I swear,” he mercilessly pulls even harder on Jack’s arm, the bone threatens to snap, but he doesn’t care. “I will break every bone in your fucking body.”

And with that, Steve finally releases Jack, who crashes pathetically to the ground. The moment he’s freed, he scrambles to his feet and cradles his sprained arm. He’s panting, no longer the confident and arrogant asshole he once was when he walked into Family Video ten minutes prior.

“Fuck you,” Jack spits out at Steve, but he’s already walking backwards towards the door to leave. “That bitch isn’t worth it, anyways.”

The door slams closed. 

Silence fills the void that the violence left behind. 

Steve shakes out his wrist, wringing out the pain from the punches. His knuckles are red, raw, bruising with every passing second. He brings the injured hand closer to inspect it, wincing at the inflamed skin. 

“You’re hurt.”

Your eyes linger on the blood that leaks from his knuckles. The skin has split, but the pain that the nerve endings scream over soothes Steve. He shakes his hand out again as he shakes his head at you. “I’m fine.”

But you don’t believe him.

Carefully, slowly, you bring your uninjured hand over Steve’s injured one. Your touch is gentle, hesitant. The pads of your fingers skim over the bruising that litters Steve’s skin. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, no.” Steve pulls his hand away, he doesn’t like what the image of his injury is doing to you. He’s not used to your tenderness, the sympathy you blanket him with. Besides, he isn’t the only one who got hurt. Steve instead brings your hand up, holding your wrist delicately as he sucks in a breath seeing the bruises Jack left. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”

You don’t say anything. 

Steve kisses the damaged skin, he feels you shiver beneath his lips. He isn’t sure why he does it, he just knows that he wishes he could physically remove the burn of the bruises from your memory. 

Minutes pass, the silence is all that is spoken. 

Eventually the two of you get back to work. There’s still two more hours before either of you can leave, even if the thought of staying in the store suffocates you. No other customers come in. It’s just you and Steve, matching bruises to keep you guys company. 

When four in the afternoon comes along, Steve clocks both of you out and locks the store up. He doesn’t let you do a single thing. He insists on having you sit by the window as he finishes the last restock orders and closes the door. His hand softly guides you outside, lingering on your waist as he locks the store’s doors for the night. 

“Alright, well…” Steve clears his throat. He doesn’t know what else to say to you. “Guess I’ll just, you know, leave–”

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

His breath catches. You stare up at him, eyes wide with fear and vulnerability and despair. “I…”

“Please,” you can’t walk home alone. Not tonight. Not after everything that happened today. “I just…”

Without saying anything, Steve’s hand finds yours, and he walks you to his car. He opens the door for you, closes it softly behind you once you get in. He gets into his own seat, turns the radio on and fiddles with the stations until he finds the one he knows you like. Every time you have a shift together, you play the same station and sing along to all your favorite songs.

It used to drive Steve insane.

Now he’s relieved he can do this one thing for you.

The drive is quiet. The only conversation that is made is mumbled directions to your house. It isn’t a far drive, but Steve takes his time anyways. He doesn’t know if you have anyone to go home to, he knows you haven’t stopped shaking quite yet. 

“Turn here,” your voice is hoarse from lack of use.

Steve listens, turns into a neighborhood he’s unfamiliar with. He thinks he’s nearing your home and he isn’t ready to let you go just yet. He knows you have to talk about what happened today. The bruises on his knuckles will fade, but the memory of Jack’s cruel words won’t. 

“So,” He clears his throat. He’s doing the right thing, he knows he is. “Jack. He was…?”

You’re quiet for several moments and Steve is afraid he’s ruined everything, pushed you too far, but eventually you respond. “Ex boyfriend. Broke up a week ago. He didn’t take it well.”

“I hate him.”

Despite the fatigue that weighs upon you and the dread that Jack will come back, you can’t help but laugh at what Steve has said. “Yeah, I guess I do, too.”

Silence falls again. Steve pulls into your driveway, he turns the car off, the headlights die, but neither one of you move. 

“You’re not, you know.”

You finally face Steve, confused as to what he’s referencing. “What?”

“You’re not a ‘fucking moron’. And you’re definitely not a bitch.” He clarifies, eyes meeting yours. You’re almost breathless by how brightly they shine with remorse. You’ve never known a man who felt such an emotion. “Jack is a dick, and so was I.”

“Steve…”

He doesn’t let you pity him. He knows what he did was wrong, the words that fell from his mouth about you will haunt him forever. Steve may not have liked you, but he didn’t have any right to say those things about you. “I really am sorry, Y/N.” 

There’s nothing to forgive.

Steve isn’t Jack. You know that, now. 

“It’s okay. I think I made you go through enough today, anyways.” You nudge his shoulder with yours, risking physical affection just this once. “First the restock orders and then defending my honor? I think we’re even.”

“I was pretty heroic, wasn’t I?” Steve tries to laugh, play along, but it’s bitter on his tongue. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for how much he hurt you. 

Noticing his darkened expression, you poke Steve’s cheek. “Hey, you’re not allowed to brood. I’m the one whose crazy ex showed up at work today.” But it doesn’t work, he doesn’t laugh and you know he blames himself for everything. “Look at me, Steve.”

Night has fallen and the honey brown in Steve’s eyes resembles darkened ash. You place your hand on his, careful not to disturb his bruises. “I forgive you, but if you insist on being such an annoying jerk about it, then you can make it up to me by being my friend.”

“Your friend?” Steve doesn’t pull his hand away from yours, and it’s a start. 

“Yup, think you can handle that?” 

“‘Friends’,” he lets the word roll over his tongue. Tests it out, gets a feel for what it would be like to call you his friend. He thinks he likes the way it feels, the weight that accompanies it is one that settles his chest, soothes his wounds. “I guess I can be okay with that.”

He smiles at you, then, and you smile back.

You’re beautiful when you smile; warm, angelic.  

Steve doesn’t consider himself a bad guy, but by all accounts, he considers you a goddamn saint. 

-

⌑ writing masterlist

⌑ please feel free to like, reblog, and comment. i adore hearing from you guys :)

[lanadelnegan]

Hi I’m kinda shy about this one. So the reader has been traveling with dead city cowboy Negan for awhile and she’s liked him for a long time but she’s a virgin and she wants him to take it.

Don't be shy bb, I am a slutttt for dead city Negan. Basically, think of this as if you were in Ginny's shoes, but you're 18.

Our Little Cabin

Dead City!Negan x Reader

Warnings: smut, 18+, NSFW, virgin reader, vaginal sex, fingering, family death (reader's mom), reader seduces the hell out of negan, extreme age-gap (reader is 18, negan is 50ish), masturbating (both), masturbating in front of Negan while he refuses to touch you, daddy-kink, breeding kink, cuddling, pure filth

A/n: If you like slow burn, sexual tension and a "hard to get" daddy Negan, this one is for you. I promise one day I'll finally write a fic without daddy-kink, but today is not that day.

"Can we go home now, Negan? My legs hurt." I complain, dragging my feet lazily through the leaves.

He stops and sighs, resting his hands on his hips. I stop too and stare at him. That damn cowboy hat.. I swear he wears it just to tease me.. and it's working.

"Yeah, doll. Sun'll be going down soon anyway."

"Ugh thank god." My head falls back dramatically and he chuckles as we start our way back.

Negan took me under his wing a few months ago when some assholes attacked Oceanside, killing my family and everyone I know. I was lucky - if you wanna call it that - enough to escape. I ran into Negan in the woods and it's just been me and him ever since. I'm thankful for him, considering I never had a dad or father figure growing up. My mom was my best friend.. and now she's gone. But at least I have him.

I've grown attached to Negan over the recent months.. But something feels.. different lately. I'm not sure what suddenly changed over the last few weeks, but I've caught myself imagining things about him that I shouldn't. Even touching myself to the thought of him. I feel so guilty afterwards, but I can't stop. I've never been with anyone.. never kissed anyone.. never touched anyone. And my body is screaming at me for it. I can't even look at him anymore without imagining what he looks like under his clothes.

"Why're you so quiet, kid?" He glances at me as we walk.

Ugh, I hate it when he calls me kid.

I shrug. "Just thinkin'."

"About?"

"Doesn't matter." And I've convinced myself it doesn't. I'll never be with someone romantically, because for one.. it's the apocalypse. It's not like I have a school full of hot boys lined up ready to ask me to prom. Not that I'd give them a chance anyway. I'd probably be more into the teachers. And second, the man I want would never think of me that way.

"That's not true."

"You don't even know what I'm thinking, so how can you say that?"

"Anything you think about - worry about - matters to me, y/n. So, spill."

We finally make it back to our little cabin. We've been staying in it for awhile, stocking it with food and supplies. No one has found us yet.. It's kinda nice. But I won't get used to it. Because nothing good lasts forever.

I throw myself on the couch dramatically, as if our walk that we've done a hundred times now could've killed me.

"I don't know... I just, I feel like most kids - people - my age have already experienced more in life that I have."

"Like?"

"Sex." I blurt before I can stop myself. I look to Negan to see his reaction, but he's surprisingly not that alarmed. His eyebrows are raised as he studies me, probably more shocked that I actually had the balls to say that in front of him.

"Listen, I don't really feel comfortable doing the whole birds and bees talk with you."

My cheeks turn pink with embarrassment and I nod disappointedly.

"Sorry, it's just.. I - no one's really talked to me about it before. My mom said she would when I was ready.. but then she.. she.." I fight back the tears. I hate crying. You can't come across weak in the times we live in and I've been forced to be strong my entire life.

He looks at me finally and sighs, holding his arm out for me to come snuggle next to him. It's not the first time he's held me as I've cried over my mom. Won't be the last.

I bury my head in his chest, sniffling, as his hand rubs my back.

"Alright, kid. What do you wanna know?" He gives in, feeling sorry for me.

"Well, I know how it works, but I guess I just wanna know what it feels like." I feel him tense underneath me as he adjusts himself awkwardly.

"No boyfriends at Oceanside?"

"There were boys.. but none that I was interested in."

"You'll find someone when the time is right. You're still young."

"Well you don't have anyone, and you're.. not young."

"Jeez, kid. Thanks." He chuckles. "I did have someone. A few someone's actually. Lost them all to this cruel world." He admits and my heart hurts for him.

"Well, you have me now." I get more comfortable, laying my head in his lap and looking up at him. He shifts uncomfortably but eventually relaxes and even strokes my hair lightly.

"Yeah, I do. And nothing is going to happen to you. You're safe with me, doll." Butterflies swirl around in stomach, but I know he doesn't mean that in the way I wish he did. He sees me as a kid.. hell, as his kid. For a moment my heart sinks from jealously at the "someones" he mentioned. Lucky bitches.

"...Negan.. does it.. feel good?" I blush a little.

"Sex? .....Yeah, doll. It fucking feels good."

"Will you.. show me?" I stare up at him innocently and his hand abruptly stops stroking my hair.

He bends over, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Time for bed, darlin'." He pushes me gently up and off his lap before standing and heading to his room. The cabin is small but we each have our own rooms. His is the smaller one, right across from mine. He wanted me to have the bigger one.

I sit on the couch, feeling defeated and stupid. What was I thinking. I relax on the couch for a little longer, choosing to read a book to take my mind off what just happened. After an hour of barely keeping my eyes open, I close the book and head down the hall towards my room. I stop in front of Negan's door, peaking through the crack. He always leaves his door a few inches open just so he can hear if anything happens. My eyes widen when I notice the sheets are barely covering the lower half of his legs, revealing the rest of his body. His tan torso is exposed, showing his peppery chest hair, and his black boxers are low on his waist. I restrain myself from not jumping him right then.

I eventually make my way back to my room and change out of my clothes, throwing on some shorts and a tank top to sleep in. I can't get the image of Negan's body out of my head and find my hand slowly making its way towards my aching center once I'm finally in bed. I close my eyes, imaging Negan between my legs as I touch myself. I don't bother suppressing my moans, confident that Negan is fully asleep. "Mmm, Negan!" The sound of his name rolling off my tongue as I'm pleasuring myself brings me closer to the edge.

"Oh, Negan. Right there!" My door suddenly swings open and I snap my eyes open to see a worried Negan standing in my doorway.. still in his boxers. My hand flies out of my shorts and I throw the sheets over me.

"Oh my god, can you knock?!"

"I - you yelled for me." He says flustered. I notice the way his face reddens when he realizes what I was doing.

I gently pull the covers off me again and spread my legs a little.

"What are you doing, y/n?" He stands in front of me at the doorway, refusing to look at anything other than my eyes. That's okay.. I bet I can make him look at me down there. I like the challenge.

"What's it look like?" My bite the tip of my finger seductively at him before sliding my shorts to the side, completely revealing my pussy to him.

He glances down with a serious look across his face, like he can't believe I'm doing this. And neither can I. This is so unlike me, but I'm so desperate for him I don't even know how to control myself anymore.

The fact that he's still watching encourages me to continue. I use one hand to pull my shorts to the side and the other to slowly slide a finger through my wet slit. "I just wanna know what it feels like, daddy."

I study him closely, noticing the way his jaw ticks at the nickname. My eyes travel lower and I see his bulge through his boxers. It looks so big, but I'd be determined to make it fit no matter what.

My finger dips inside of me and I arch my back a little and moan, putting on a show for him. He stands with his back against the wall, refusing to move.

I start rubbing my clit slowly and get frustrated when he still isn't reacting. "Negan, please touch me."

He rubs a hand down his face with frustration. "Goddamn it, y/n."

"I just.. I need you. Please." I cringe at my desperate attempt to have him touch me. I need this man so bad it's embarrassing.

"I can't, baby."

"But you like watching me, don't you?"

I take it as a yes when he doesn't say anything and that's all I need before pushing myself over the edge. "Negan!" I cry out as my orgasm rushes through me. Even in the dark, I can see the lust burning through his eyes.

"Go to bed, y/n." He demands but I'm unable to read his tone. Is he mad, proud, annoyed?

I fall asleep at the thought of him giving in and touching me. Maybe if I think hard enough, I'll manifest it.. I heard that shit really works.

Negan's POV:

That girl is gonna be the fucking death of me.

She's been so flirty with me lately and I've been trying to ignore it. But fuck if she's not making it hard. Literally.. I'm hard as a fucking rock right now.

I refuse to touch my dick while thinking about her. She's thirty-fucking-three years younger than me for fuck's sake.

She's confused. She doesn't want me, and she damn sure isn't getting me. Apocalypse or not, it's still fucking wrong.

I drag a hand down my face and sigh. I shouldn't have watched her, but I couldn't look away. She flashed her fucking pussy right in my face and I just stood there.. watching her. Fuck me.

My dick is throbbing and I know I won't be able to sleep until I get some relief. "Fuck it."

I pull myself out of my boxers and immediately start stroking my dick. I think about anything but.. her. Fuck.. y/n. That pretty little wet pussy dripping right in front of me. The way she said my name when she came.

"Ahh, fuuuck. Y/n, fuck." I cum hard and fast and immediately regret it afterwards. Fuck is wrong with me.

I can't - and I won't let myself think about her like that again.

Y/n's POV:

I wake up before Negan and decide to read my book some more in the living room. It's a romance novel that I found one day in an abandoned car. I've read it four times already, but it seems to be the only romance I'll ever get in life, so why the fuck not.

"Morning, sunshine." Negan says sleepily as he walks towards the kitchen next to the living room. He grabs a handful of berries we picked yesterday and tosses them in his mouth before making me a cup full and putting them down next to me.

"Morning. Thanks." I say without looking at him.

He sits on the couch next to me. "You wanna talk about last night?"

My cheeks redden. "Nope."

"Okay, then I will." Great, here comes the lecture. "Y/n, I shouldn't have watched you. We both know that. But, I think you're just confused. It's just been the two of us for months now and you're all young and.. fucking horny and shit. But, us? It can't happen."

I stay silent, pretending to read my book.

"Seriously? The silent treatment? You sure did have a lot to say last night."

I remain stubbornly quiet, popping a handful of berries in my mouth.

"Y/n, I don't understand why you're upset right now. Talk to me."

"I'm not upset." I snap. "I'm embarrassed.. humiliated. I was stupid to think you'd ever be into me."

He sighs and I see his head drop out of the corner of my eye. "Darlin', if I was your age, I'd be all fucking over you. Trust me. Please don't be embarrassed, okay? You are hot as shit and any man your age would be lucky to have you. We can forget it happened if that's what you want." He holds his arm out again, and like always, I snuggle into him.

"I don't want to forget." My hand rests against his white t-shirt and I want so badly to slide underneath it and run my fingers through is tummy hair.

A moment of silence goes by before he finally whispers. "Me neither, doll."

I look up at him, my face dangerously close to his. "I love you, Negan."

His hand reaches up to caress my face as if he's scared to hurt me. "I love you too, baby... Just not like that."

He wipes the tear that falls from my cheek and my heart shatters in my chest.

One month later...

My feelings for Negan haven't faded; I'm just better at not showing them. We've been more touchier than usual... cuddling on the couch, holding hands when we walk, but nothing "inappropriate." We also haven't mentioned that night. It's like it never happened, which still hurts when I think about it.

I get done bathing myself off after dinner and slip into my usual sleepwear before crashing to the bed and pulling my book from the nightstand. I could quote every line in it by now.

I start to drift off right before a loud boom hits right outside my window, following a bright flash of lightning. I try to fall asleep, but every time I doze off, another loud boom jolts me awake. I toss and turn for an hour before deciding to do something I know I shouldn't.

I crack Negan's door open slowly, trying not to wake him and gently slip into bed next to him. I also may or may not have taken my sleep shorts off, leaving me in just my pink panties and black tank top. I ease underneath the covers and lay facing him. He's usually a light sleeper, so between the thunder and me sneaking into his bed, I'm surprised he's not awake.

I'm completely still for a good ten minutes, making sure he's still sound asleep before I make any movements. When he lets out a little snore, I slowly slide the blanket down off of him. I imagine myself reaching over and running my fingers through his thick chest hair. I keep sliding the covers down further and further, careful not to wake him, until I get to just below the waistband of his boxers. My eyes trail from the deep v in his abdomen to the black hairs peaking above his underwear and I let myself imagine what it would be like to touch him right now.. to slide my hand down his boxers and feel him. I've wondered how big he is for so long.. trying to steal glimpses of him through his pants when he walks, or catch him with the covers down while he's sleeping.

I decide to pull the covers slightly further down and my mouth gapes open at the sight. He's hard.. so hard that I can see the outline of him through his boxers as it threatens to poke through his underwear. My mouth waters at his size and I know if he ever put it in me, it would definitely hurt like hell.

After I've stared at it long enough to feel like a total creep, my eyes travel back up his body and I almost yelp when I see his head is slightly turned and his eyes are watching me curiously, as if he's been waiting for me to make a move.

"I - uh.. The thunder.. I got scared." I explain.

"Nice try, kid. Go back to bed."

"Negan, please. Just let me sleep here. Nothing weird, I just.. don't wanna be alone."

He sighs and that alone tells me he's going to let me. I hide my excitement as I turn over, facing away from him and snuggling into the covers. They smell like him.. musk and leather.. and the scent makes me practically feral. He's still on his back, but my ass is barely touching his side. It's hardly anything, and it's not like we haven't cuddled before, but the thought of my ass so close to him sets my insides on fire.

Another lightning strike hits outside his window this time and I flinch a little, not purposely meaning for my ass to press into him even more. He doesn't react and I wonder if he's already asleep.

"Negan...?" I say softly.

"Hm?"

"Will you hold me?"

"Y/n, you are seriously pushing it. Go to sleep."

a few minutes go by before another boom echoes in the distance and I jump a little again.

He sighs heavily and turns over, draping his arm over my waist and pressing his body firmly against mine. His dick is pressed against my ass, but it's not as hard anymore... and that hurts a little.

"Go to fucking sleep."

I hold his hand tightly against my lower stomach and embrace this moment with him. I want him so bad that I can literally feel my vagina throbbing. If it could speak, it would be meowing like a cat in heat right now. I close my eyes and imagine him sliding in me from behind. I get a little too lost in the thought and accidentally arch a little, grinding my ass further into him. I feel him grow to full length against me and the feeling is enough for me to squeeze my legs together, desperate for some pressure down there.

"Where the fuck are your shorts?" He says in a deep and sleepy voice.

I giggle as he breathes heavily into my neck before whispering again.

"What the hell am I gonna do with you, baby?"

"Touch me?"

"I'm already touching you, y/n. My fucking dick is basically between your ass cheeks."

"Not yet.. my panties are in the way." I slip my panties off my legs smoothly and discard them on the floor.

"Y/n." He warns but before he can tell me no, I'm bare from the waist down and pressing my ass back against him.

"Trying to give this old man a heart attack?" He chuckles deeply.

"I can try harder than that if you want me to." I tease.

"Fuck, baby. Go to sleep before I do something we'll both regret."

"Like what?"

"...Like pound that pussy so fucking good you'll never think about another man's cock but mine."

"If you love me, wouldn't you want to be the one to give that to me for the first time? Wouldn't you rather it be you than some asshole who doesn't care about me."

He doesn't answer, so I keep pressing him. I place my hand back on top of his resting against my stomach and slowly slide it lower towards my aching center.

"Don't start something you can't finish, darlin'."

"Oh, I'm very determined to finish." I spread my legs apart slightly to guide his hand over my wet center. His middle finger easily slides between my slippery folds and we both moan at the feeling.

"Goddamn. Fucking dripping for daddy. He growls in my ear before leaning up a little and pressing his lips to my neck from behind. I move my hand from his, letting him take control - finally.

His finger moves back and forth between my wet slit, gliding over my clit every few seconds and making me moan each time. His other hand slips under me and up to my neck, gently squeezing my throat.

"This what you wanted, baby?" He breathes in my ear and chills spread over every inch of my skin.

I nod quickly as I feel my orgasm build from just his light touch. He hasn't even put a finger in me and I'm already on the verge of tears.

As soon as his finger rubs tiny circles over my clit, I lose it.. moaning out for him.

"Thaaat's it, cum for daddy, babygirl."

"Negan!" I scream out as his hand goes from my neck to my mouth, muffling the sound.

"Don't need the dead hearing us, doll."

He kisses my neck once I've soaked his fingers and then brings them to his mouth.

"Mmm, fuck, this pussy tastes so good I might have to eat it everyday."

I turn around in his arms to face him. My hand goes up to hold his face and my fingers play with his gray hair. He kisses my forehead before meeting my gaze.

"This is so wrong, baby." He strokes my cheek gently.

"Can't be wrong if it feels this good."

He tilts my chin up to press his lips against mine. It's so much better than I ever imagined. He knows exactly what he's doing, and even though I've never kissed anyone, he takes the lead and I'm thankful for it. I moan into his mouth when he deepens the kiss, his hand gripping the back of my neck now. The feeling of is tongue in my mouth makes me clench my legs again, and I think he notices because his hand on my neck travels lower until it reaches the back of my thigh. He lifts my leg over his and his hand slides to my ass, squeezing lightly before his long fingers tease my entrance from behind.

His dick is pressed into me painfully and I can't wait any longer. I need to touch him. Feel him inside me.

I reach my hand inside his boxers and pull out his big, hard cock. I try looking at it under the covers between us.

"You've never seen a dick before, doll?"

I shake my head no and admire him. It's so perfect.

He closes his eyes as I stroke it. "Fuck. So innocent, baby."

He kisses my neck while I pull on him even more. "You sure you want this, baby?"

I nod. "Yes, please. I've been wanting this for so long, Negan."

He lines himself up at my opening, my leg still draped over his so that he's in between my legs.

"Once we do this, you're mine darlin'."

"I'm already yours."

That's all he needs to hear to finally push the tip past my opening. I've never had anything inside of me other than a finger, and the feeling of his thick head pushing through me and stretching my walls has my mouth falling open.

"Tell me to stop, baby."

"No, keep going. Please." I beg.

He slides deeper and deeper until he's buried inside me completely. He stays still, letting me adjust. and kisses me through the pain. A pain that feels so good. I kiss him back hard, scratching his back while grinding my waist pathetically against him repeatedly. I moan in his ear and give him the go ahead to start moving. He fucks me deep and slow at first, letting me get used to him.

"So fucking tight baby."

He growls in my ear and vibration of his deep voice sends chills through me again until my pussy flutters around him.

"Holy fuck, doll. Do that again."

I squeeze my cunt around him again and he lets out the hottest moan I've ever heard. Not that I've heard a man moan before, but I just know that his are the hottest.

"I won't last if you keep doing that, baby." He warns and the thought of him shooting his load inside me has my head spinning.

After a few more thrusts that have my eyes rolling to the back of my head, I feel myself reaching my orgasm again and hold him against me so I can grind against him and ride it out.

"Negan, Negan, oh my god.” I breathe out as I push myself so hard against him that my clit rubs against his pubic bone creating the friction I need to send me over the edge.

"Goddamn." He thrusts into me faster and harder. "Gonna make me fucking cum already, baby." He tries to pull out but you tighten your leg around him so he can't pull away.

"Cum in me, Negan. Please." I cry desperately. "I love you. I want all of you."

He kisses me hard before his hips come to a halt. He practically yells out when he shoots his load deep inside me. "Ah, fuck! Babyyy."

The sound of Negan cumming is even hotter than his moaning from earlier - I didn't think it could get any better but holy shit. We're both a tangled, sweaty mess while our hearts beat out of our chest.

We eventually fall asleep with our lips still touching and his softening dick still inside me.

I don't even worry about the possibility of what could happen in the future.. I know I'm safe with Negan.. Here in our little cabin. He gently strokes my hair as we drift back off to sleep.

BOOM. The thunder crashes outside again, but this time I don't even flinch.

"You're not scared of thunder, are you, doll?"

I smile against his chest. "...No."

The End.

Brb, going to take an ice bath.

[lucysarah-c]

Hello! Hope you're doing well!

I wanna know all about your thoughts on arguments with Levi. What would he be like during it, and after it, maybe even before it (maybe like a big argument that's just been brewing yk until either side snaps and ut starts). How would he apologize if he was the one in the wrong? Or how would he accept apologies if it's the other way around? Would he be down to communicate? What if his partner started crying during said argument or stormed out of the room/house?

Thank you! And I really love your account, btw!

Hi, hi! How are you? How are your loved ones doing? ❤️ Hope everything is going well.

Thank you so much for enjoying my blog! It means a lot to me. I hope I can keep creating content you love. ❤️

Arguments with Levi are quite the topic in my main fic, so let’s dive in. One of Levi’s “not so nice” traits as a boyfriend is that he can be incredibly stubborn. (here the link) Arguing with Levi is sometimes like arguing with a wall. In the heat of the moment, his ego convinces him he’s right, even when he’s not. I don’t think he’d apologize immediately; it might take him a day or two to cool down.

When an issue arises, Levi is straightforward and upfront about what’s bothering him. He won't sugarcoat his feelings. This is a blessing because you’ll know he’s not holding a grudge, but also a curse because he’ll bluntly say, “I hate when you do this or that,” with a stern expression. Honesty and loyalty are paramount to Levi, so he wouldn’t appreciate his partner pretending everything is fine and then snapping later. He’d likely be upset and say, “If it bothered you so much back then, why didn’t you say anything?”

With a hand on my heart, I believe none of us are our true selves in an argument. Levi can get pretty defensive and emotional. Vulnerability is tough for him, and during arguments, he shuts down completely. If he’s wrong, it might take him a few days to apologize with a simple, “I’m sorry, I was being difficult.” Once they’ve both calmed down, they can talk things out. If his partner was wrong and they apologize, it would depend on the severity of the issue and what was said during the argument. Levi understands that everyone makes mistakes, and he would forgive, but he doesn’t tolerate repeated offenses. Levi gives second chances, not thirds.

Regarding tears during arguments, if Levi is very angry and the issue is serious, he won’t like it. He might feel like, “So I’m the one in the wrong just because I can’t cry myself out of this?” He knows she isn’t crying on purpose, but his defensive side might react that way. If the argument isn’t serious and she cries, Levi would soften quickly, saying, “Hey, come on... it’s not worth crying over this.” If she storms out, Levi would likely just roll his eyes and say, “We’ll talk when you calm down.” He’s not one to chase after someone. If she needs time, she’ll get it. Levi is too straightforward to play games; if someone says “leave me alone,” he’ll respect that.

Sorry this was so long! Hope it was good enough. Thank you for visiting my blog! Have a lovely day!

[chamomiletealeaf]

Johnny 'I'll fist fight you (affectionately) if you don't think you're pretty.' MacTavish

AHHH I LOVE THIS (might project in this one because I’ve recently been feeling ugly asf because of my Telogen Effluvium (stress induced hair loss)

Warnings: insecurity, mild suggestive themes at the end.

You’d be in the bathroom holding back tears while trying to do your hair for the date you were supposed to go on with your boyfriend Johnny. You can’t seem to get your hair right and it shows way too much of your face. Or so you think.

knock knock

“Can I come in bonnie? Wanna see how pretty you look.”

You sniffle and try to make your voice sound as convincing it can be.

“Um. Not yet! I- I’m not dressed!” You say hesitantly.

“Now I really wanna come in.” He says, and you can hear the smirk in his voice and you roll your eyes.

“C’mon, please? Wanna see my girllll.” He whines out and you give in.

“Ok fine. come on in.” You say, and he does.

He comes in the bathroom and smiles at you, even though your head is down, pretending to rummage through your makeup bag for something.

Johnny wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder, looking at you in the mirror.

“Hey girlie.” He coos with a smile, but you don’t look up.

“Hey.. look up bonnie. Wanna see that pretty little face of yours.” He says as he goes to reach for your jaw with one hand and forces your head up so you look in the mirror.

His smile drops and his brows furrow when he sees the tear streaks and your puffy eyes.

“What’s the matter dovey?” He asks with genuine concern. “Why ya crying??” He turns you around so you face him and he looks at your face still, waiting for an answer.

“I- I don’t know I just… can’t get my hair right, my makeup isn’t blending well, I hate the way this sundress fits me, I- I just feel kinda ugly I guess.” You sniffle but drop your head down and look at your hands.

“Oh sweetheart…” Johnny coos.

“Look at me.” He says softly, and you don’t, so he lifts your chin up with his hand.

“I said look at me lass.” He says, still in a soft tone.

“You look absolutely gorgeous. Fuckin’ stunning. You could have your hair in all different directions, a bin bag on, and dirt smeared all over your face and you’d still be the most beautiful woman in the world.” He says, still holding your face.

“I think your hair looks beautiful, and your makeup too. I like the eyeshadow color you chose. Makes those pretty eyes that much more captivating as if they ever could entrance me any more. And this sun dress?”

A smirk begins to form on Johnny’s face as he turns you back around to face the mirror and he places his hands on your thighs and runs them up under your dress until they’re squeezing your hips.

“This dress was fuckin’ made for you. God you know how I love sundresses on you. You replace every star in the sky with just how much you shine my love.” He says into your ear and you sniffle again, but your lips twitch with a small smile.

“Now look in the mirror and say that you are the prettiest woman in the world.” He says, and you look at him.

“Johnny-“ you start, but he interrupts you.

“Ah- say it.” He demands.

You bite your lip for a second, cringing at what he wants you to say, because you don’t believe it. But you look at him and try anyway.

“Don’t say it to me. I already know. Say it to yourself.” He demands again, and grips your jaw again to look at yourself in the mirror and not at him.

“I- I am the prettiest woman in the world.” You mumble.

“Again.” He says.

“I am the prettiest woman in the world.” You say again, with more confidence, and your cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

“Aye- that you are bonnie.” He says, finally satisfied with your response.

“Now, let’s go out on our date hm? Wanna show everyone who my pretty little lass is.” He says into your ear as he squeezes your hips which makes you giggle as his facial hair tickles your skin.

“And when we get back?” He whispers lowly this time with a smirk, “I’m gonna prove to you again right between your thighs just how bloody fuckin’ beautiful you are.” He says, and you let out a little gasp which makes him laugh.

You forgot all about your insecurities with Johnny, because it was just you and him, and that’s all that ever mattered in the first place.

[wintersoldiersoul]

Not Alone

Summary: Bucky discovers a secret you've been hiding and is determined to help.

A/N: I kind of rushed writing this because I was feeling shitty and just needed to get my thoughts out. I definitely wanna explore this topic in a deeper way in a different story. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone.

TW: Self-harm, depression, blood, suicidal thoughts. Please do not read if this will trigger you in any way.

Avenger’s team dinner was always fun. Most nights, everyone was so busy that the meal was eaten scattered by everyone throughout the night but you all made it or injured, of course. Your deep desire to never leave your bed again? Not a good excuse. You splashed some cold water on your face and put your glasses on, hoping they would mask your red puffy eyes.

You faked your way through as well as you could. Laughing at the right moments, adding a few sentences here and there. Whatever you had to do to convince them that you were fine. 

The truth was, you weren’t fine and you hadn’t been for a while. Every day, you faced the dark thoughts in your head and you could usually keep them at bay enough to function. But something had switched within the last few months and you couldn’t fight them anymore.

As soon as you could, you excused yourself, desiring the sweet solitude of your bedroom. It was happening again. The emotional pain was becoming too overwhelming to exist as just that.

The first time you self-harmed, you were scared, tentatively holding the blade to your skin and making just a small cut at first. But now, after years of doing it off and on, you were somewhat of an expert. You felt the panic hit you on your way back to your bedroom, signaling that you needed to cut and you needed to do it now. You were usually methodical. Locking the bedroom door, preparing with neosporin and band aids for after so you wouldn’t get blood on the white carpet. But right now, you couldn’t even think of any of that.

You used the blade to make gashes in your skin, throwing your head back in relief as you felt the mental pain in your mind transform into something physical. Your head was so dark. Too dark to keep it all inside. All you had thought about while alone in bed the past few days was how badly you wished you could just end it. You were so tired of waking up every morning and being in so much pain. You were in a trance as you cut, watching the blood pool out of your skin. You were so in your own head that you didn’t hear the knock on the door. You didn’t cry when you did it. Not anymore. For you, self-harm wasn’t some tragic, emotional thing like it’s portrayed in movies. It was just a part of your daily routine, as much as brushing your teeth was.

“Hey Y/N I wanted to ask you-” Bucky stopped abruptly when he saw you. “Y/N what are you doing?” He rushed over to you, extreme fear and concern in his eyes.

You looked up at him, realization crossing your face that he had just discovered your deepest darkest secret. “Bucky, get out!” You yelled.

He looked at the blood dripping from your wrists. He was shocked. And hurt. He hated that you had so much pain inside of yourself that you had to resort to this. The scariest part though, was the true lack of emotion in your eyes. “Y/N, what the hell? What are you doing?” He knelt down on the floor beside you. “Hey, look at me,” he said, his voice growing softer.

Reluctantly, you lifted your head, looking into his blue eyes. And that’s when it really hit you. That Bucky was in your room, watching you hurt and destroy yourself. There was no getting out of this. No way to lie and cover up all of the pain you were in. You couldn’t hold in the sob that was brewing in your throat anymore. At your cry, Bucky wrapped his arms around you, holding you as close as possible to him. “Oh, Y/N…” he whispered as he held you, his own eyes filling with tears. “Talk to me, please. I’m never gonna judge or be angry, okay? Just talk to me.”

You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself before speaking. “It’s just… it’s so dark in here, Bucky.” 

“In where, sweetheart?” He looked at you with concern.

You brought your hands to the sides of your head, tapping repeatedly. “In my head. The first thing I think about every day when I open my eyes is how much I want to be dead. I spiral about how life is just the same thing day after day after day and how I’m just trapped in this cycle of pain and I-” you pause as your voice breaks.

Bucky’s heart is beating fast at the admission that you wish you were dead. “Y/N, I need you to be honest with me, okay? Do you think about suicide? Like do you consider it as a real option for you?” 

You nod. “I have a whole plan. I know exactly how I would do it. I just need to find the courage-”

“Stop,” he interrupts. “Killing yourself isn’t brave. You know what is? Having the strength to fight every single day. You may not want to wake up and live but you do. That is what takes courage.”

You squeeze your eyes shut as you listen to his words. You know what he’s saying is exactly what you would say, and believe, to anyone else if they were in your situation. But you just couldn’t apply that logic to your own life. 

“Why don’t I help you get cleaned up and we can talk some more, okay?” He took your hand as you slowly stood up and led you to the bathroom. He sat you down on the sink as he rummaged through the cabinets for everything he needed. You winced as he began to clean the cuts, a fresh sting shooting through your arm. “I’m sorry, I know it hurts,” he said, trying to be as gentle as possible. “Y/N, how long have you been doing this to yourself?”

“I used to do it when I was a teenager. I stopped for a long time. I thought I had it under control, I really did. But then a few months ago it started to get bad again. I just-I couldn’t control it anymore. I needed to feel the pain physically, too.”

Bucky sighed. “You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. I’ve never…cut myself or anything but I scratch at my shoulder a lot. Where my metal arm is connected. Now I do it more out of habit but I think I used to do it for that same feeling of something physical. Everything HYDRA did to me was so awful and I just needed an outlet for that pain.”

You looked up at him. “You don’t think I’m crazy?”

He smiled softly as he began to apply band aids on your arms. “Of course not. I think you’re really struggling right now. And I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared as hell for you. I know there’s probably a lot more going on in your head than the little bit that you shared with me and I’m not gonna force you to open up if you don’t want to. But Y/N… I care about you so much. More than you even know.” This admission made your heart flutter. You and Bucky were friends, but you had never been particularly close. Still, it was hard to stop yourself from developing a crush on the guy. “I can’t even imagine what I would do if you ever-” his own voice broke now, thinking about the worst possible scenario. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Please, Y/N. Please get help. I’ll sit with you and look into therapists for hours if you need. But I’m not letting you live in this much pain anymore. You deserve to be happy.”

Those last few words hit you like a punch to the gut. You had lived in a state of pain and self loathing for so long that you didn’t believe that happiness was even in the cards for you anymore.

“Bucky,” you began to protest. You didn’t wanna get help because you genuinely didn’t think you deserved it. 

“Y/N, please. Let me help you. You’re not alone anymore, okay? You don’t have to fight this alone. Just let me in. Please.” He was practically begging you. His eyes were full of so much emotion and you could see how much your pain was affecting him.

You took a deep breath. “Okay,” you whispered, reluctantly agreeing.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. “Good, that's really good. That was the first step, okay? I’m really proud of you.”

The call of sleep weighed down your eyelids as he finished bandaging the cuts. “Why don’t we get you into bed, sweetheart?” He carefully picked you up and carried you to bed. You expected him to say goodnight and leave, but instead he tore back the covers from the other side.

“What are you doing?” You asked. You weren’t bothered by his presence, but you just didn’t understand it. Why would he still wanna be around you?

“I’m not leaving you alone tonight. I’ll sleep on the floor if it would make you more comfortable but there is no chance in hell I’m leaving you by yourself.”

You looked at him in shock. Sure, he had said he cared about you but you didn’t believe he cared enough to stay the whole night. You knew how much Bucky valued his alone time and often the night was the only chance he got to be alone, due to the busy schedule of being an Avenger.

“Bucky, you really don’t have-” 

“Shh, I’m staying, okay? I’ll sleep on the floor, I don’t wanna invade.”

You watched him as he pulled a blanket off the bed to take with him onto the floor. “No, you can sleep in my bed. I don’t mind.” 

He nodded and got in beside you, keeping a respectable distance between your two bodies. You both lay in silence for a couple of minutes, separately thinking about the events of the night. 

“Hey, Buck?” You said eventually. “You can say no if you don’t want to but… would you hold me?”

You felt his body shift closer to yours. “Of course I will.” He wrapped his strong arms around you, tucking your head onto his chest. “I told you, you’re not alone anymore. I’m never gonna let you be alone in this.”

You knew that this was only the beginning. That tomorrow Bucky would force you to look into getting professional help. You knew there would be ups and downs and you were terrified. But at least for tonight, for the first time in so long, you weren’t alone.

[bangchansgirlsblog]

The way you look at her PT 2

-Hyunjin

Warning: Fluff, angst, crying

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader

Summary: Hyunjin introduces you to his girlfriend...

Does he know you have feelings for him?

!Kinda proofread!

I hate this so much OH MY GOD. Please bare with me lol! I’ve had writers block! 🩷

**

The night was horrible.

After the new couple walked into the house if felt like the atmosphere had changed. It felt like everyone was uncomfortable. Maybe I was overthinking it but i knew I was ready to go to bed.

“So Mina,” Chan starts up a new conversation as he sips on his beer watching everyone play a game of cards.

Her legs were tangled with Hyunjin’s and her hands were all over him. Yuck.

“What do you do for a living?” Chan asks making everyone turn their focus on her.

“Oh I’m currently in retail,” she says smiling. “What about you Chan, what exactly do you do for the group?”

Everyone goes quiet as if she had just shoved a knife in all our guts and stepped on our necks. How could she not know how big Chan was in the group? Pathetic in my opinion.

“Oh, well…”

“He is the janitor!” I shout out making the boys all burst out in laughter including Chan.

“Yeah I’m the janitor,” Mina looks at all of us confused and lets out a chuckle trying not to look confused.

“No but actually I’m the leader of the group, I’m surprised you didn’t know..”

“Oh well I don’t really listen to music that much and the only reason I found out about you guys was when I met Hyunjin.”

My smile disappears and I take a sip of my drink. I knew I was tipsy and soon falling into the drunk category.

“How did you guys meet by the way?” Felix interrupts the conversation.

“Uhh Babe, do you wanna tell the story?” She smiles of at Hyunjin who kisses her on the cheek. I shift in my chair uncomfortably and look away. I.N giving me encouraging looks now and again trying to make sure I’m okay.

“Yeah sure, basically this was when me and Y/nie were at the movies! I had gone to buy us more drinks and I had bumped into her. I thought she was pretty really-“

“And I thought he was the most beautiful man on earth,” that makes Hyunjin blush.

“And I had offered to buy her a drink to make it up to her. Now here we are thanks to Y/nie!” He looks at me and smiles.

“I-I think I’m going to go get another drink.” I slur getting up and stumbling into the kitchen.

Everyone gives Hyunjin a confused look but he also gets up leaving Mina on the couch to talk to the boys who really seemed like they didn’t want to be there.

My hands shake as I grab another beer. Sweat running down my face as regret starts to churn in my stomach.

My chest starts to ache but it was worse than before. The hot tears start to slide down my cheek. The tears I was trying to hold in the whole evening as I watched my Hyunjin touch on Mina. My Hyunjin laughing with her. My hyu-

“Hey..You okay?” My trail of thought is interrupted by a soft voice. The voice I wasn’t ready to hear yet. How long did I have to pretend not to love him the way I do? God.

“Yeah totally fine,” I find my hands wiping the tears that were falling and quickly turn with a big plastic smile. His frown telling me it wasn’t convincing at all.

He stood by the door. His hair up in a bun and his reading glasses on. The same reading glasses I helped pick out for him.

He was wearing his normal black sweatpants with a large sweatshirt. His hand filled with rings and my hair tie wrapped around his wrist. He looked like the Angel he was but with a pout and a worried look.

“Y/nie, if there something wrong you can tell me you know? I’m your best-friend. Why are you crying? Is it Mina? Is she not good for me? Do you not like her?”

Yes she isn’t good for you, I am you dimwit! I silently curse to myself.

His eyes go soft as he walks towards me. His body towering over me. Trying to read me like the open book I am when it came to him.

Hyunjin could read me in an out no doubt. He loved that about me, like he said. He even once said that if him and the boys had a competition on “who knows y/n the best” he would win with his eyes closed. Might sound cringe but I find it cute. Which made my heart flutter and the butterflies in my stomach grow even more but why did I want to throw them out now? Why did I want to kill the butterflies and mute my heart? Was this how heartbreak felt like?

“Just a stressful day at work Jinnie, I’m about to go out for a smock, wanna join?” I blurt out and move from underneath him. His hand automatically wrapping around my waist to stop me from moving.

“A smock? I thought you quit it? I told you it wasn’t good for you? It puts chemicals in your body, baby, we agreed you’d stop or you going to die.”

Baby? I couldn’t help but scoff at this. Baby? Really? What was he trying to do with me? Am I some type of rebound that he tried to keep under his wing?

Not noticing the tears that had fell his hands slowly wipe them away, “Hey hey, Y/n your crying again. Please tell me what’s wrong? It’s worrying me.” My vision blurry as I let out sobs. The pain now turning into anger. How dare he? How dare he make me feel like this?!

“Hyunjin I don’t need you to babysit me okay? You’re clearly so busy with your life to care about me. So let me do what I want.” My body rips out of his grip as I watch his eyes go wide as he looks confused. His expression turning into hurt and disbelief. I refused to argue with him. I refused to get hurt. I refused to let my stupid feelings get in between him and Mina. I grab my bottle and rush out the kitchen trying to get away from the situation but he starts to follow me.

“Y/nie, I’m talking to you.” He says as his steps quicken behind me.

“I’m done talking to you.” I simply reply as I make my way through the living room.

“Guys what’s going on-“

“Not right now!” We both snap at Han who’s taken back by our harsh tone.

Everyone in the room goes silent and even Mina knew not to interrupt our little argument.

“Hyunjin just leave me alone.” I exclaim as I speed walk up the stairs. Leaving everyone confused. The hot tears were now rolling non stop.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong with you! You never smock unless there’s something bothering you!” He yells back.

The corridors lead me into Hyunjin’s room, my heart now beating in my neck as I try to slam the door in his face my his strength stops the door from shutting.

We were both now stood in his room and he had slammed the door shut. My sobs get loud as I stare at him. His arms crossed.

Me and him were both petty, that’s why we got along so well sometimes. If he did something I’d do something 10x worse then he would add on to that. It wasn’t the best thing when me and him argued, the whole house would flip upside down. Chan’s still traumatized from the last fight where I had thrown Hyunjin’s stool at him.

“Now you’re not leaving this room until you talk to me Y/n!”

I glare at him and walk to his balcony pulling out the pack of cigarettes.

“Y/n no!” He growls and grabs it out of my hand.

“Hyunjin!” I yell at him. But he doesn’t flinch or move. He looks me dead in the eyes before throwing them off the balcony.

“Why are you like this? Why do you have so much control over my life?”

“What do you mean Y/n?! I don’t control-“

The saying ‘think before you act’ did not apply to the shit I was about to say but instead ‘drunk words are sober thoughts’ was the biggest cause of all the shit that was about to come out my mouth.

“Yes you do Hyunjin! Why did I have to fall for you! You and your stupid brown eyes! Your stupid long beautiful locs! Your stupid pink soft lips! Why do you have to control me like this!” I scream at him, finding my self punching his chest. He stands there taking it in, listening to the words leaving my mouth at this moment. He knew I was drunk, but he didn’t know I was this drunk.

My body finally starts to give out. His hand quickly holding me before I fall to the ground.

“Shhh, princess, I’ve got you. Calm down just breathe. I’m right here. Can we go inside?” I nod my head and he slowly leads me into the room where he sits on the bed and pulls me to cuddle right beside him.

“Your okay. Okay? Just breathe. I’m here. No need to panic, I’m right here.” He rubs my back and intertwines our fingers.

“Hyunjin stop doing this to me. Please. I can’t keep holding onto this hope that someday we’ll be together.” I say softly. Removing myself from his touch.

“Y/n, look at me please.” His hand softly touching my face. He searches for my eyes as my body trembled against his. His other hand rubbing circles in my palm. He deeply sighs.

“Y/n I love you too but we can’t be together,” his voice trembles.

That’s when I hear my heart shatter into millions of pieces. I’m in my head, the thoughts run faster and faster that I don’t notice the tears in his eyes and a pair of extra eyes watching us behind the scenes

**

Ew kill me 😒 hope you enjoyed the story lol.

[whxre-bxby]

Fanfiction further down! Scroll!

Recom Mansk x Recom f. Y/N 

Masterlist

"Greeting Death With A Smile"

Summary: Mansk is present on the boat for the last fight against Sully and Neytiri. He gets wounded and thinks he’s going to die alone. Luckily you find him in time, but you don’t know if it’s already too late.

WARNINGS: uhm TEARS, ANGST, Death, Blood, Violence tiniest bit of sad fluff, I’M BALLING MY EYES OUT WHILE WRITING THIS I THINK THAT SAYS ENOUGH

(Like, read at your own risk cuz I’m in pain I miss him sm)

Word Count: 4102

If u wanna feel even sadder i recommend you listen to (When it‘s cold I‘d like to die alone) it helped me cry my eyes out to the point that the tears burned my skin :)

Quaritch was giving instructions while, Lyle, Z-Dog, Prager, Mansk, and I stood close and listened. We were the only recom’s that I knew were alive. All the others had since been killed but since new things always kept happening, we couldn’t let our guard down and there was no time to mourn. 

I had to run past Ja who lay lifeless on deck and it made me feel sick. I felt the urge to at least pull his body somewhere else but I knew we didn’t have time. 

We had two of Jake’s kids hostage here with us and the Colonel was trying to get him to turn himself in for his daughters. 

I sighed, not knowing whether I would live to see another day. I wasn’t even sure why I was doing this or whether I thought it was right. But as a marine, you’re taught to listen to orders, even if you don’t agree with them. Listen and obey. That’s how you become a good soldier. And definitely never doubt your superior because they know what they’re doing. 

Deep down, I did doubt it though. Not just Quaritch’s plan but this whole mission. Our existence. It was all still a big mess to me. 

“Hold fire!” Quaritch orders as we watch him and Spider dive back into the water. 

“He’s comin’.” he added, turning to me and another human soldier. 

I pin my ears back and hold back a shiver from the cold. My clothes were wet but ignored the feeling and focused on holding my weapon ready. 

“Let’s get this guy.” Quaritch said like it were the easiest thing in the world. My ears perk up. I listen even though I doubt. Even though I don’t understand, I listen. 

“It’s what we came here for.” the Colonel keeps talking, looking at everyone around him. 

I notice how all of us are no longer fully with him. Prager and I exchange looks but with no expression because we are both in denial of our doubts and worries. Pretending they aren’t real. 

Even Lyle doesn’t nod along to his superior's words like he usually would. He would always back up everything Quaritch said but now he just stared at the ground, holding his gun and letting the Colonel’s words go in one ear and out the other.

Mansk looks at us and I can tell he has the same problem. We aren’t convinced but what option do we have? We’ve already done so much harm here. Once again. There’s no turning back because we’re marked down as the enemy for every single Na’vi on this planet. 

We aren’t wanted here so we must listen. 

To be completely honest, when I look at Quaritch one may think he knows what he’s doing. But I also occasionally catch a glimpse of doubt in his eyes. As if he weren’t sure why he would want to do this. Maybe he isn’t. I know damn well most of us hate the humans we used to be but we can’t do anything about it. 

He claps his hands together and his confident expression returns. He tells us to take our places and I look at the ground before going to cover my area of ground. 

We waited in silence for Sully to arrive and within the next few minutes, something exploded on the top deck. Prager and Z-Dog ran up the steps while I stayed on the lower deck with the rest of the team which is also where our hostages were. 

My ears flick in multiple directions as I hear screams and I see Neytiri land on her Ikran. Her presence here meant death to many. Perhaps it would be me too. 

Bodies start falling and I run over to pull a few soldiers out of the fire. Quaritch retreated to take cover close to where the two kids were while Lyle and Mansk continued to cover their ground. 

Someone shouted ‘Eyes up’ and I saw Jake and Neytiri land on the lower deck now. That meant they wiped out the entire top deck already.

I see Lyle and Mansk still standing and am about to go to them when I hear a scream of agony behind me. An injured soldier covered in flames. Without thinking, I run to him, pulling him away from the oil-covered metal pole and helping him put out the fire on his leg. He’s missing his other one. 

He lets his body fall back and sighs a little in relief, seeming to not feel the pain of his missing leg due to shock. I know he won’t make it through this. There is no one here to help. Everyone is trying to live. 

Quickly, I turn around and that’s when I see Lyle get pushed over the rail by Jake who turns in the opposite direction of me. Mansk is no longer in sight. 

I leave the wounded man behind because he passed out and I wouldn’t be able to help him anyway. I also just happened to care slightly more for Mansk and Lyle. 

I jog over to a large red metal pole, keeping my gun raised an looking around. Maybe a recom was injured and needed aid or perhaps I could spot either Jake or Neytiri and get at least one of them down. 

I press myself against the side of the column, looking over my shoulder at the rail which Lyle fell down. His body looked limp as it fell, making my gut wrench. Probably nothing I could save. 

Suddenly I hear a distant shout. 

“Y/N!” the voice of the Colonel echoes through the blood-stained walls of the ship. 

I flinch and just as I go to turn around, my knee is kicked in and I’m hit in the head with the base of a gun. 

I fall forwards and my body summersaults over a rail. My movements stop for a split second until my weight rolls to one side and suddenly I’m falling again. I land on the hard ground with a big thud which sends immense waves of pain through my body. 

In a state of shock, I look up at the hole I was pushed in but no one is standing there anymore. 

Slowly I get up, holding my side. I can’t move properly. I think I broke or at least cracked a rib. The lights in here are broken and since only a few work, it’s very dim. 

I look up and notice I’m not alone. 

Mansk couldn’t comprehend what happened fast enough. His heart dropped when Jake pointed the gun at him but luckily he ran out of ammo. In the next second, he lost his balance and hit his head on a metal pole next to him, falling over it. He saw Jake take his gun and launch it away before his upper body started tilting back. 

His upper body was resting over what seemed to be a dent in the ground but as he slowly turned in pain, he realised it went further down. Mansk felt as though he was slowly falling through the ground but he couldn’t prevent it because his eyes kept blacking out. He saw how he slowly fell into darkness and his feet lifted into the air, falling with him into the void.

The sound of gunshots and shouts was distant now and he lay at the bottom of the hole he didn’t see before. Light reflected inside from the fire above but it wasn’t strong enough to help him see. 

He groaned in pain, slowly lifting his injured body off the ground and pushing himself against a wall so that he was sitting upright. Mansk saw his shades on the ground next to him and noticed they were broken. 

He once made a joke that he would die with them when Lyle teased him about constantly wearing them. Maybe it was time. 

His head would drop in the direction the ship tilted as he lay limp against the cold metal. 

Mansk shouted for help, calling out the names of the people he thought might still be around but there was no answer. No one heard him.

His vision became blurry and when he looked down he saw his abdomen was covered in a small puddle of blood. Whether it was his he didn’t know. 

But he wasn’t afraid he would die. This is how he imagined it. He knew very well that one doesn’t mourn death in the military on Pandora. Mansk was ready to close his eyes for the last time and die alone, in peace. After all, it was his fate. Even though he hadn’t accomplished his mission, this is what always awaited him. 

He lost track of time and seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness every few minutes. What woke him up was a scream which came from right above him and a thud of a body which landed a few feet from Mansk. His eyes managed to open and he saw a blue figure. Blood pumped through his veins as the feeling of fear returned again but once he noticed the U.S uniform, he dropped his head back in relief. It wasn’t Jake or Neytiri. 

I whine out in agony as I straighten my posture and see Mansk sitting and leaning against a wall. My face brightens and for a second I forget about the pain. 

“Mansk!” I shout, leaning back down on all fours and hugging my waist while looking up at him. He lifts his head and his eyes widen when he sees me. 

“Y/N?” he asks, but his voice sounds weak. I smile, feeling relieved he’s alive and that I’m not alone. 

“Oh thank god, I thought everyone was-” I say, crawling over to him before my hand comes in contact with a small puddle of fluid. I want to shake if off my skin but when I glance down I notice its colour. It’s not water, it’s blood. And it’s not mine but his.

My heart sinks when my eyes move higher up Mansk’s body, noticing how his blood has drenched the clothes on his stomach. When I look up at him he’s gazing at me with half-lidded eyes. Just above them, a new trail of blood is forming and slowly drizzling down the side of his face. 

“Oh, Mansk…” I whisper, ignoring my own pain and kneeling next to him. His eyes follow me as I move around him and he looks weak and exhausted. I don’t think he can move much more than his head. 

“Where are you hurt?” I ask, gently lifting his arm to check whether the blood is coming from his side.

“I don’t know…” he whispers, barely moving his lips or jaw. His eyes occasionally close while I apply pressure to check where the pain is coming from.

I hear him hiss through clenched teeth and I gently return it to its previous position. “Sorry,” I whisper.

He breathes heavily through his nose, looking down at himself. I notice how the blood doesn’t seem to stop. 

“Come on, we need to get you back.” I softly say, lifting his arm over my shoulder. But I didn’t know how to get out of here, I was just hoping that the darkness would lead to a door which could lead us outside.

“No.” he breathes out and his body tenses. I freeze my movements and look at him. 

“You can’t stay here Mansk.” I say, trying to motivate him to see if he can get up. 

“I can’t move.” he whispers, biting down on his teeth as he tries to pull his arm from my shoulder. 

“Y/N, I can’t feel my legs…” His jaw trembles and his voice breaks a little. His words go straight to my heart, seeming to tear it in two.

I look away, furrowing my eyebrows together while I convince myself that there must be another way. Quickly, in hopes of helping him, I lean over his body and apply pressure on his big wound to try and stop the bleeding. 

I feel the corners of my eyes sting and my nose itch. The common sign that showed me I was about to tear up. 

Mansk sighed and when I looked up at him he was softly smiling at me. It wasn’t a happy smile, but an appreciative one. 

Mansk knew that what you were doing wouldn’t save him, but your attempt made him smile. Knowing you cared enough about him not to leave him behind warmed his heart as it slowed its beating. 

“Stop looking at me like that, I’m gonna get you out of here.” I say, having to look away because otherwise, I might just break down. But my words didn’t seem to convince Mansk at all. They just refreshed his fading smile. 

Even if we would somehow make it out of this room, our chances of dying were probably worse on deck because Jake and Neytiri were still there. And if they weren’t, there was no way we could get off this ship. We were both too wounded to fly our Ikrans. It wouldn’t work.

With the next inhale he tensed up and coughed while I steadied him and kept him sitting upright. His legs were motionlessly laying on the floor in front of him while his chest heaved. I noticed him cough out a few drops of blood which is what did it for me. Mansk wasn’t doing well and my hopes of him surviving were dying out. 

“Thank you…” he whispered as his cough finally retreated. I look up at him through glossy eyes, wondering what he meant. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry, because crying would be acknowledging that he wasn't going to make it. As long as I held them back, there was still hope in me. 

“I thought I’d-” he said, being cut off by gasping for air. “...die alone.” 

A smile formed on his lips again as his eyes remained fixed on my face. 

Mansk knew all recom’s were something close to friends but he didn’t think he ever had anyone close enough to him to stay with him through his last moments. He expected to be left behind somewhere, injured and no longer deemed as useful. 

“Come on Mansk, don’t give up on me.” I say, my forced calm voice breaking as I feel my bottom lip begin to quiver. 

“I’m glad you’re here…” he struggled to say, forcing the words out of his pained chest while keeping his faint smile. It was slowly fading again.

I gasp, pressing my lips together to not lose it. I reach for his limp and blood-stained hand and hold it between both of mine. Feeling how cold it is has me fighting back tears. 

I shiver from shock and pain. My broken rib was poking me and it hurt like hell.

"I can't save us." I whisper to myself, my voice trembling.

Suddenly, I feel how my legs are wetted and I look down, dreading to see blood but this time it is water. The room was slowly tilting to one side and the water was flowing in from the other side of the room. Mansk had noticed it too. 

“You-” he said before coughing up more blood and I lost it. “You need to go.” he said, his voice sounding pained and forced. I knew he was suffering but I couldn’t let him die here. 

“I’m not leaving you, Mansk.” I whisper, pressing his palm against my cheek. The tears blur my vision before spilling down my cheek, burning my skin a little. 

“You can- live.” he says, swallowing back a cough while he struggles to breathe. 

I clench my eyes closed, not wanting him to leave me as well. I knew Mansk for a long time and even though we were never really close, he had been a part of my life since I arrived on Pandora. We rarely talked but we knew we had each other's back and it didn’t cross my mind that I could lose him during this war. Now that I was face to face with the aftermath of violence, I was crumbling down. He meant too much to me, I couldn’t let him go. 

“Don’t worry about me.” I whisper, forcing a trembling smile onto my face. I point to the opening of the hole we fell through. “I’ll get out there.” I say and his eyes slowly drift from my face to the opening in the ceiling and then back to me. He doesn’t seem sure of it but he doesn’t question it any further. His movements become so faint that I notice his presence slowly fading away. Mansk’s eyes slowly unfocus from my face and I reach out and cup his cheek while tears continue to spill from my eyes. 

“Mansk-” I sob, trying to stay composed in front of him. He blinked, opening his slowly closing eyes a bit more and looking at me again. 

“... stay with me, come on.” 

My fingers gently tap his cheek while the water on the floor mixes with his blood. 

Mansk opens his mouth to say something but he can’t push out a single word and instead, he slowly struggles to inhale before closing his mouth again. 

I hold his palm against my chest, roughly where my heart is as I try to keep his attention on me. 

“Please, don’t do this to me…” I sob, clutching his hand. He stares at me and his eyes look sad but he can’t say or do anything. 

“Mansk, please you’re all I have left.” I cry out, dropping my head down before looking up at him. 

“Thank you…” he repeats and ever so faintly whispers. He was grateful I was by his side because in truth Mansk did want to live. Mansk wanted to wake up to the morning the next day and be with everyone else. But that wasn’t possible. Not only because he was slowly dying, but because everyone has had since probably died.

I rub my thumb over his cheek, trying to comfort him. He’s looking into my eyes and furrows his eyebrows together a little as if he were confused about whether my tears are actually for him. Like he didn’t think he was worth my pain. 

Mansk looked at me almost apologetically and his lips parted while he tried to get more air into his lungs. I couldn’t see his chest heaving anymore but I felt so mild air fanning from his mouth with small exhales. 

I bit down on my lip, watching him and needing proof of life every few seconds. 

He’s staring at me, grateful he wasn’t left alone and I notice how his eyes start to unfocus again. I gently tap his cheek, waiting for his eyes to readjust like they did last time but this time Mansk’s head is slowly falling to the side and into my palm. His eyes fade out and stare into nothing as they move from my face to the empty space behind me. His soft breath stopped fanning against my hand and his face was no longer contorted in pain or sorrow. It was blank and relaxed. 

Mansk’s hand slowly drifted off my chest and loosely fell on his lap.

I wanted to scream and call his name but all words got stuck in my throat and I held onto him while my mouth gaped open. Tears fell from my face onto his now lifeless and numb body. 

His blood continued to colour the rising water around me red. It had already overflowed his legs and reached up to his waist. 

I held on to his body, pressing my face against his shoulder and crying my eyes out. 

At this point, I had lost absolutely everyone and everything. We couldn’t return to family on Earth because we were Na’vi and now we had all lost each other. 

Z-Dog lay on the top deck with a bow in her hip and one in her face while the ship started to slowly sink. 

Prager lay on his side, motionless with a spear through his chest. 

Lopez’s body had now sunk to the bottom of the ocean after he was shot by an arrow. 

Walker, Zhang and Fike both had been shot down by arrows too.

Warren and Brown got an axe in their body.

Ja I had left behind after he was killed by the Tulkun. 

Lyle was floating in the water, struggling to stay above the surface.

I didn’t know where Quaritch was but I knew he couldn’t help me. 

And Mansk… lay bleeding out in front of me, lifeless and cold. His head was tilted to the side and I knew that he was gone. I could never talk to him again. I would never see him again. I know even if I survived, they wouldn’t retrieve his body and he would stay here and sink with the ship. 

The water was filling the room more rapidly now but I still clung on to Mansk, crying his name. 

I noticed his broken shades floating in the water and picked them up. 

Remembering how much he liked to wear them I steadied his head and carefully put them on him after closing his eyelids. He would have thanked me if he could have for this.

My body was shaking but I knew I was going to die here too if I didn’t leave soon. I get up and the water reached up to Mansk’s neck already. It was gushing in from a half-open door on the other side of the dark room. 

I look up, making sure the exit is still there but suddenly I see the water start flowing in from the top. The entire room is slowly turning over and the water flowing on deck has managed to push over the door which now completely closed off the hole we were in. 

The room gets a lot darker and the water is leaking in from the side and from the top. 

I groan out in pain through my sobs. I have tears staining my cheeks and my nose became runny and stuffed. This isn’t how I wanted things to end. We were finally starting to enjoy being alive on Pandora and now we died because our past selves made us finish something they couldn’t. 

I look back at Mansk and see that he is fully submerged in the water now. I cry out, hating how helpless he is and how helpless I feel now. My side aches even more and I clutch my broken rib, trying to bite back the pain. I wouldn’t be able to swim in this anyway. 

Within minutes, my feet are no longer touching the ground and my head is bumping against the ceiling. I’m crying out for help in pain but no one can hear anything over the noise of the flowing water. I wonder if anyone is still alive but I highly doubt it. There is a crack in the wall which is letting the oxygen in the room be replaced with water. I struggle to swim and keep my head above the surface. 

(Art)

But then I ask myself, why I’m fighting? There was no use to it. Everyone was gone and I was stuck and injured. 

I deeply inhale one last time before the entire room is submerged in water. My eyes open and I peer down at Mansk, who is lifelessly half laying at the bottom. 

Since I’m going to die I might as well join him there so neither of us has to be alone. 

I swim down with the last of my strength, watching how the last few bubbles of air escape his slightly parted lips. My hand once again reaches for his and I hold on to it for some form of comfort before I face upwards and let all the air I have to escape my lungs. 

I start choking and look at Mansk. The light specks on our skin were slightly illuminating the water but his were more faded. I looked closer and watched how the light slowly vanished from him, one dot at a time. 

It wasn’t long before I started drowning and a few minutes later, my lifeless, artificial blue body sunk down and joined Mansk on the floor of the ship.

Our bodies would stay here, most likely forever since all the death here was just a failed mission. 

The lights from my body had now disappeared too and we were dragged down to the bottom of the ocean along with the ship. All because some humans wanted us to finish what they couldn’t.

So there I lay, greeting death with a smile once again, in hopes of meeting Mansk someday and somewhere far from here.

(I'm going to try and make some art to this)

Tag List: @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @number1gal

[lunerna21]

***I'm going to apologize now this is probably a long post but I just need to vent about this masterpiece of an event!***

I can full heartedly say Glorious Masquerade is giving me life again 😌

JUST EVERYONE BEING SUPER FUNNY AND NICE TO THE MC BUT I CANNOT STOP GUSHING ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING THIS EVENT!!

FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A SWEETHEART DEUCE IS TO US!

DEUCE SPADE IS SOMEONE EVERYONE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE HE IS JUST ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HIM

*cough* *cough* Unlike ANOTHER person who is a cheeky asshole who should learn from Deuce (I’m kidding I love you too Ace you stupid bastard)

The Grim and Malleus banter back and forth is fucking hysterical from us freaking out about not knowing who Malleus was previously to messing around ITS SO GODDAMN PERFECT

AND MALLEUS BEING SO INTERESTED IN SPENDING TIME WITH US LIKE ALCHENFIENDJ I LOVE YOU MALLEUS!!

(And Grim being protective of us 🥹❤️)

And Idia trying to convince Grim to sit in his lap 😂👏🏻

SEBEK ASKING AZUL TO SIT IN HIS LAP SO HE CAN BE CLOSE TO WAKA SAMA!? CRYING AT HOW SERIOUS SEBEK WAS!

I’d like to imagine we were sandwiched between Rollo and Malleus MY GOD THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM WOULD IGNITE THE WHOLE TOWN

Also, was anyone else crying and cringing deep DEEP inside when they keep saying so many good things about “The Righteous Judge”!?!

LIKE I WAS SEETHING AT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE COMPLIMENTED HIM AND KEPT GIVING HIM PRAISE

LIKE NO GRIM YOU ARE MORE GALLANT THAN THAT CREEPY OLD MAN PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

IF ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT THAT MAN HAD DONE I HATE HOW OFTEN THEY COMPLIMENT HIM I JUST WANNA LAUNCH MYSELF THROUGH THE GAME AND DESTROY THAT DAMN STATUE

......But at least they're giving tons of lore, easter eggs and praise for both Esmeralda and Quasimodo (BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY ACTUALLY DESERVE IT)

But Rollo just trying to convince us that there shouldn't be magic or mages....

…..Rollo honey noooooo that’s not how I see it

I mean yes, we’ve been through so much goddamn shit with the overblotters (CROWLEY AND ALSO ADEUCE ALONG WITH GRIM, I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT LIKE WTF) but to the point of subjugating people to potentially lose their magic permanently?!

Something they’ve probably worked hard for? Nah, that’s not okay

I would love to learn more about magic anything beats the curriculum in schools here in the US

THEN SEEING HOW MALLEUS ALMOST PASSED OUT FROM THE FIRELOTUSES!? THAT HAD ME REELING LIKE MALLEUS DRACONIA HIMSELF!? LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE!!

YASSSSS SILVER AND SEBEK! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! MALLEUS HAS THE BEST GUARDS

BUT ONE FUCKING PART HAD ME ON MY KNEES READY TO FIGHT ROLLO!!

CARD SOLDIER!? CARD SOLDIERRRRR!?!

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN AND I CAN'T STOP BEING HAPPY FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE MIDST OF DANGER

…But anyway I’m getting psyched to see the last two parts cause this event is FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS ITS TOO MUCH

And Malleus Draconia….My sweetheart…❤️❤️❤️

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE IS JUST TOO MUCH I LOVE THIS MAN!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I cannot wait for the next part of the event, IM DYING TO SEE JAMIL AND RUGGIE BOND OVER USING OTHERS TO KEEP THEMSELVES SAFE!!

Now let me go daydream scenarios with all these lovable people while I wait for the next part, AND FINALLY WATCH THE FIRST PART OF STAGE IN PLAYFUL LAND! (ACE TRAPPOLA I NEED TO SEE YOUR SPOTLIGHT)

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone~~~!!!❤️

[star-girl69]

Ultraviolence

Natalie Scatorccio x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: omg who is she? she doesn’t even go here…..

i’m back maybe maybe not and i just found out depression and anxiety are REAL!!!!! don’t talk to me…… anyways i hope you all enjoy!!!!!!

warnings: too tired to list it all, you all watched the show you all know what’s happening it’s ok

Chapter Thirty One - Like When We Were Kids

Chapter Thirty One - Like When We Were Kids

—-

2021-

After listening to some poor girl cry out about her boyfriend, patting some drums in a circle, Misty finally found you and dragged you to the kitchen. The phone is old, sunshine yellow, stuck to the wall like a payphone.

“You’re gonna wanna hear this.”

Of course, only Misty Quigley would start a phone call like that. You can practically feel Taissa roll her eyes through the phone.

You and Misty scrunched together in front of the phone isn’t very practical, but Tai hates you maybe a little less than she hates Misty, so it’s smart for your mouth to be near the receiver too.

“Taissa,” you say, “Listen, okay?” She audibly scoffs, Misty shuffles on her feet.

“I don’t have time for you right now,” she sighs.

“We are at a residential wellness center off Route 19 in Cherry Hill, New York.”

“Where you’re getting help?”

“Where everyone is getting help from one certain Charlotte Matthews.”

“What?” Tai whispers in shock. “I thought she was in Switzerland…”

“I know, I know,” Misty mutters, tightening her grip on the telephone, her voice still a whisper, slowly starting to pace around the room. You mutter under your breath and try to follow her around, slamming into each other every few seconds as she makes odd turns. “Apparently she’s not. And- Natalie’s here too, Tai. You’ve gotta see this place for yourself… it’s a bunch of granola losers but the food is great. And the B.O factor is surprisingly low.”

“Misty,” you roll your eyes, but she simply ignores you.

Silence on the other side of the line. Just for a moment, like sand sinking to the bottom of the earth. And like the tug of a fish on a line, you know you’ve gotten her.

“Where’d you say this place was?”

You let your eyes fall shut and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

—-

Misty had quickly found some sort of camaraderie with the other men and women here, sharing stories about Natalie and Lottie from years and years ago. From when you didn’t even know any of them, not really, when all you had been was a journalist.

When you had been normal. When you had a life in front of you, laid out all pretty, and you thought you could handle any small bumps that life sent out to you to.

But you were never prepared for a plane crash. You were never prepared for the wilderness.

And it all makes you so sick that you have to tune her out, instead picking at the lunch served in the admittedly very nice cafeteria, wondering when Natalie would find you.

When you look up, you see her.

She stands there, tray in her hands, looking absolutely shocked and maybe slightly angry, her body tense, but she holds her head up high. You haven’t seen her do that in years.

“Oh!” Misty says, catching sight of her, pearly white teeth showing in a Cheshire-cat smile. Everyone else quickly shuffled off, and Misty stood, awkwardly squished between the table and the bench, patting the seat across from you.

You run your hands over your hair, then drop them quickly.

Natalie sets her tray on the table. Not enough force to make any loud noise, but enough for you to know that she is definitely not happy with your reappearance.

But, Misty holds her eyes.

“Why did you come back here?” she asks, her lip jutted out.

They both sit down, and you practically watch the cogs in Misty’s head turn.

“Well, when we spoke to you yesterday you didn’t seem like yourself.” Her concern is faux, but convincing, maybe because it is slightly true. “So, I wanted to find out exactly what was going on. You still seem a little weird,” she notes, picking up her fork. “So does Lottie. But, you know, what’s new, right?” she laughs.

Natalie plays with her food.

“But I have to say, since I’ve been here, I can totally get into this place. Knowing Lottie basically makes us, like, celebrities. And I was a little disturbed at first but, it must be good for you. I mean, look at you.”

Nat has this look in her eyes, all over her face, that you know too well.

“You really do look good, Nat,” you say, your voice not feeling like your own.

She meets your eyes and looks away just as quickly.

“What happened to that guy you were with?” she says, slyly, going for the throat. And Misty does falter for a moment.

“O…oh. Uh, he went home,” she smiles, taking a sip of white wine. Natalie purses her lips.

Misty looks expectantly at her, smile still bright and wide, and all you can do is stare at Natalie and that look in her pretty eyes.

“What?” Misty says after a moment, maybe sick of her staring.

Nat’s face turns softer.

“We’re all like this,” she says. “Aren’t we?”

You think she might cry.

Misty cocks her head to the side.

You want to grab her hand and hold her close to you.

—-

Natalie has always been a sort of fire. She was always something of violence, a storm, a fire, a hurricane. You know that she thought that all she could do was destroy, but she forgets that at the root of it all, fire destroys but it also cleanses.

Sometimes a forest needs to burn down in order for new, healthier life to spurt through the soil.

Misty had casually mentioned what room Natalie was in, and after a few moments of pacing outside her door, you knocked.

You heard some soft shuffling, and finally, her voice.

“Come in,” she said, muffled through the door, and you quickly came in a shut the door behind you, before she could have the common sense to force you right back out that door again.

The door clicked shut, you press your back against it, staring straight ahead at the wall in front of you. Some panting of a lake Natalie clearly did not put up.

You can feel her eyes on you. And after a second charged with tension you could cut with a knife, you turn your head towards her and meet her eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

You expected her to be meaner. Rougher. But instead, she just seems tired. Accepting.

You shrug. And it’s the most honest answer you can give.

She shifts up into a sitting position, looking down, and you don’t know what she wants but you know you want to be near her. And then you replace the empty space on her small bed with yourself.

“I’m bored,” you say, some soft of bullshit explanation to get rid of the awkwardness that festers between you. “And… I don’t know where Lottie is. And Misty is Misty, so…”

“Ha,” she says, smiling softly.

“You’re all that’s left,” you breathe. You look at your hands, and you can always feel her in a way you can’t feel anyone else, so you feel her eyes travel up your body until they caress your face.

“Lottie’s stupid shit really does work,” she mumbles after a moment. “This entire place, really.”

You laugh softly. “Have you been tracking your progress? Does Lottie have a file on you?”

She laughs too. “No. No, I just know. Because… I don’t hate you as much as I did. The reunion, you were right, and I… I just…”

You finally look towards her, staring into everything.

Staring at her like this, you’re reminded of how much you need her, how much you just want to forget about the reality of life and forget that fact that you’re real, you’re here, you’re alive, and just bury your head into her neck and breathe her in. Feel her arms around you and know that with her there, with her love for you in your bones, nothing would ever hurt you.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Nat.”

“I would have loved you through it all.” The present tense sits in the air, unsung, unknown.

And you just smile, because it hurts, it does, but you fell in love with the fire long ago.

—-

You were forced into purple a while ago, the first moment you got here, really, but as long as Natalie has been here you don’t think she’s ever worn the dress code. It’s like her. You wouldn’t really expect anything else.

So when she comes down the path in purple, you’re shocked.

You have this little vision in your mind of running up to her, putting her face in your hands, and asking her who she is. You don’t know anymore. Will she ever let you know again?

You have known her for so long at her worst. You know that part of her inside and out. But the happy and healthier she gets, the more you realize what you could have had, the more you realize what you want.

You drop the basket you were weaving, hearing cars roll up on the gravel behind you.

Misty jumps up next to you, turning around just as a car door slams, someone else muttering “we have visitors.”

You watch Natalie and Shauna hug, greeting each other softly.

The other car opens up, and Tai and Van step out, two women you never thought you would see together like this again. Taissa runs down the path and hugs Misty, and they mutter, and you stand back from the rest of them, because she’s here.

If there was someone from that plane you never thought you would see again, it’s Van.

“Van,” you mutter, and her mouth parts as she looks out over the sprawling community Lottie had built. You run past the rest of them and up the steep hill, running into her open arms and letting out a heavy sigh because she smells exactly as you remember.

You pull away, everything feeling like a fever dream, softly placing your hand against her scarred cheek.

She smiles softly and places her hand against yours, her pinky touching your own scar.

“Van!” Misty shouts. “Woah. Are you guys back together?”

You rub something out of your eyes and laugh softly at this reunion.

“No!” Tai says. “No, no, no, no. Van’s not even staying.”

You step away from Van, giving her a clear look of the entire property, the mountains and the lake in the background.

Her mouth parts. Horrified. Shocked. Scared.

You place your hand on her shoulder and follow her eyes.

“She’s just dropping me off, right, Van?” Tai continues, but receives no answer. “Van?”

Everyone turns towards the deck, the mountains, and the lake.

Lottie stands there, dark blue dress, and she looks like something that is not supposed to be here. Not in the midst of all the raw untouched nature and the purple.

Van takes a shuddering breath.

Lottie turns.

She slowly steps forward, off of the deck and towards the grass, towards all of you.

One thing about Lottie Matthews, you have learned, is that she is something entirely different. She isn’t like the rest of you. She is something else.

But if she is something else, then so are you.

—-

Misty held out the bowl, and slowly, they all emptied their pockets the same way you had done. Shauna hesitated, but after a moment, sighed and took her purse off of her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Taissa starts, looking between you, Misty, and Nat. “Have you three joined a cult since we last saw you, or…”

“We are an intentional community,” Lottie says, taking a step forward, her hands held out softly, like she’s trying to ease all of them into it.

You could see it on all of their faces. You could feel it on your own.

“What exactly is the intention?” Van asks, trying to put as much distance as she can between all of you.

“Okay, about a week ago, I…” Nat starts, licking her lips, “Had my rifle in my mouth, and I was gonna pull the trigger.”

And she chuckles, like any part of this situation calls for laughter. As if the world ever really calls for laughter.

“And that’s when Lottie found me.” They lock eyes.

“Oh, my God,” Shauna breathes.

“I had put… walls up. And they are finally starting to come down,” she justifies, looking between all of you. “Because of this place. It isn’t easy, uh, but now I understand that it’s really what I need. You all need it, too. I mean… we brought some really dark shit back with us from that place. So, maybe now, we can actually start dealing with it.”

Everyone looks around. Silent.

But you know she’s right.

—-

taglist:

@sweetdayme4427 @dreaming-for-an-escape @peachydoki @happysparklingshadows @zhivaxo @maraudeerrs @karsonromanoff @onlyangel-444 @subastronaut @iheartnatscatorccio @yourlocalloser-core

everything taglist:

@emilynissangtr

[drowning-buttercup]

Pure boredom presents: things my friends & I have said

"I have attachment issues, come at me bro"

"Why is he orange? He’s supposed to be purple like the 2018 Gacha William Afton"

"LOOK AT ME im the sexiest bitch at the party" (said whilst I was in a seagull costume)

"Get out of the bathroom now unless you wanna smell like Japanese cherry blossom"

"I hope your sister dies Same- I mean not same"

"She got hit by a microwave and got a concussion so she cant come to rehersal"

"[Name] STOP HAVING THE BRAINCELL AND LET ME BREAK INTO WALMART AT 2:40 AM. I NEED DIAPERS"

"STOP SAYING SIGMA IM GOING TO EXPLODE LIKE A PRESSURIZED CAN"

"Baguette boy I gotta meet this friend [Name] of yours they sound like the type of person to eat an entire stick of butter and then ascend"

"WHAT THE JOSEPH [My Name] I’M CRYING RN YOU CAN'T SAY THAT LEAVE CONNIE ALONEEEEEEEE"

"I’m going to eat your whole family live" "too far [Name]"

"I read one article about BOMBS"

"The fuckin circles make my mouth go AAAAAA"

"Don’t start stripping, I need in"

"What’s your type?" "Fictional suicidal twinks"

“No, Con. I’m trying to spell the word Constantly. Get out of my autocorrect.”

“I’m femboy Philip Wittebane”

"Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes Im a homosexual. Sometimes I’m both."

"I fantasize about Master Joseph being my husband"

"I thought that was autism but it was just spectrum internet"

"Help the homosexual disease its on my skin im peeling it off and shoving it up [Name]'s nose get diseased bitch"

"You look like the Roblox man face"

"Im not gay for the hexagon, i promise"

"Save me. save me. save me. fire."

"I am NOT moving everyone’s things at THREE IN THE MORNING because you two ASSHOLES CANT SHARE."

"[Name] what the hell I know we’re in theater but that terror in your eyes did not look like acting"

"We convinced the boys in art that tampons are flavored"

"This is the price I pay for homosexuality"

"🎶we are not safe we are not safe🎶"

[seriesxwriting]

The back of the bus

Pairing- Theo raeken

Series- tw (teen wolf)

Summary- You and Theo have the back of the bus all to your selfs (considering he kicked everyone off the seats). What mischief could you possibly get up to considering your strictly friends. For now ;).

Warnings- probably swearing, kissing, talks about a wound, talks about death.

————————————————————————

I stood at the back of Theo, Scott and stiles. Scott and stiles sat on the last two free seats together. I didn’t blame them, Scott needed to sit down he was still injured.

A bunch of nerds sat at the back of the bus and I knew exactly what was about to happen because Theo eyed them up like his lunch. He had asked to sit next to me before and I had a feeling he was going to make sure it happen. While he headed toward the boys at the back, just as I suspected, I stopped in my tracks not wanting to be involved.

“Get up” Theo ordered at them, his face was serious and he was practically snarling. “what- why should we? we saved these seats we got up early!” “Get -up” he repeated and he wasn’t too happy he had to, frowning bending closer to one of there faces. His tone had changed now.

“…Yep okay” the boy who spoke earlier gave up from fear of Theo, his eyes looked as if he was about to cry. The four boys jumped up scattering around the bus for seats. Theo popped down looking smug while slumping in the chair, elbow on his leg giving me a dangerous smiled knowing he was the biggest and the baddest.

“Come on then love” he winked nodding down to his lap seeing you frozen in space. “Considering you’ve conqueredthe whole back row, there are spare seats I don’t need to use you” you walked over, quietly sorting out your stuff sitting two seats down from him.

“yeah but I’m more comfortable than coach seats, I just want you to be comfy” he rolled his head over to my side looking playful. “And we do have a long really long ride” he shrugged chewing his gum pressing harder to convince you.

“Oh you really do make a good point” you whispered pretending he won for a second. but really you were just not able to resist him anymore. Your legs went either side of his lap and sat down the opposite way he expected you to while holding his face. “can’t believe you got me in to this- I hate busses”

“Well good because this is a coach” Theo chuckled latching his hands on your waist. “Don’t try and be smart with me” you giggled shaking my head. “Well if you’d stop complaining and gave it ago for a moment you might enjoy the journey, I can be quite entertaining” he wiggled his eyebrows making you a lightly giggle. “Well I’ll need proof of that” “that you will have babe” he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

Words couldn’t really describe what you and Theo were, but you went along with anyway. Even though it then allowed you to catch feelings.

 “Alright love birds we get it” stiles plopped next to us sticking his face closely in the middle. “stiles- can you leave?” Theo turned around half pissed off. “Theo” you hit his chest gently but he just grabbed your hand before turning back to stiles, “I just wanna say- Scott isn’t looking too good can we all keep an eye on him” “yeah of course” you nodded sympathetically.

“His alpha wound?” You questioned quietly, stiles nodded slightly looking downwards. “it’s not healing” “it will take longer” theo explained like stiles was dumb. “yeah smart one we know” stiles raised his eyebrow not taking any of Theo’s smart comments. “And he’s worried about Derek- we all are” you sighed reaching for Theo’s hair playing with it and hugging his head for comfort. “There’s no way he’s dead- so where is he” you try and reassure yourself. “Y/n- he could be dead” theo swallowed looking into your eyes. “He’s not! Plus who would take a dead body” you winced not liking the two pairs of eyes on you.

“yeah I know, just don’t get your hopes up hun” theo nodded at you rubbing your back after a moment of silence. “I have to think positive- I can’t deal with all the negative we go through” I explained to them. Stiles rubbed the top of my hand and Theo clearly got jealous.

“Can I go back to kissing my girlfriend now”, Theo asked with a loud sigh and confession while shooing him away. “what?” You stuttered pulling away and turning to him saying it at the same time as stiles. “ah- I see what happened… I just- called you my girlfriend didn’t I” “and… I’m not complaining am I?” You blinked staring at his eyes with a bright smile. “Really?” He whispered rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “can you just be careful with him- please” stiles said to me.

“I’m right here” theo pushed him out the way wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. “Stiles I trust him- if you don’t can you keep it to your self” you asked him lowly feeling slightly uncomfortable with how honest he was being.

“but y/n I just want wha- wait why are Lydia and Allison following us?” “Allison is here?” Scott turned around, automatically regretting doing it too fast, he winced out loudly. “Scott take it easy” theo looked over at him “I’m fine, really” he nodded at us holding his wound. “Congratulations is in order then?” Scott smirked at you two. Theo turned a bit red looking down, you giggled at how cute he was. “is this new for you?”

“A bit- yeah” he awkwardly started to play with your fingers. “theo we don’t- have to label it” “no- no I want to- I want you to be officially be my girl and only mine” he cupped your face , his cool rings rubbed against your skin as he smiled but with a serious expression.

“really?- your sure” “never been more sure princess”. Slowly theo leant in to kiss you. You had kissed before but not like this and not sober either. It was nice being this genuinely intimate with him. You trusted theo and really liked him, so how bad could it be? “So what’s the real plan for this trip or…” “a lot of this” he kissed you again quickly on the lips “and a lot of this” theo said rummaging in his bag, getting out a packet of crisps.

“Eating and kissing, not at the same time I hope” “and a lot of you learning from my humour- that was the worst dad joke I’ve ever heard” Theo chuckled at you shaking his head. “Shut it you” you joined in.

I guess busses weren’t that bad. Or coach’s. Whatever.

————————————————————————

For more like this visit my master list!

Request are open

[lilphve]

why can’t I be normal or happy? its so unfair every one is happy and has friends and is accepted its not fair why am I never happy why am I always nervous why am I always stressed why am I queer or genderqueer why can’t I be out to some people why do I have to hide myself why do I have to constantly try to convince myself that I’m okay and happy cause I’m not I’m not happy and it’s not fair I want irl friends I want to be liked I wanna have fun I wanna enjoy life so why can’t I its not fair some of the worst people have friends and support and are happy so why not me why do I have to spend every day prepared to be killed or hurt or insulted for my sexuality or gender why do I have to live in fear I’ll bump into a certain person why do I have to live in fear that everyone hates me why do I its not fucking fair I want friends I want love I want everything everyone has cause its not fair hell even pedophiles have friends but not me bullies have friends terrible people have friends but not me how is that fair and I can’t even mention it to someone cause they always say “You want friends too much you won’t get them” or “maybe that’s what god wants” its not fair why do I have to live in fear that I’m sinning and gonna burn in hell when it doesn’t even relate with my beliefs why do I always feel the need to correct someone and let them know I’m not a boy knowing how happy it makes me feel why do I always have to be so sexual why must I depend on others to make me feel even slightly happy why do I go through my exes texts hoping to feel better why am I losing friends why do I not care for any one except for like 5 people why am I so quiet why am I so loud why do I talk so much why do I not talk enough why do I always want more why am I always so ungrateful to a point even my mom tells me it to my face with all honesty why am I so useless why am I so hurtful and mean and hate filled why am I never satisfied why am I always angry why am I so curious why did I let him do that to me and not tell anyone why do I have to be so different I just wanna be normal I wanna be feminine and blonde and have blue eyes and long straight hair and friends and be Christian or catholic and be loved by everyone and be straight and cis and normal and happy why can’t I have that why do I have to be the way I am why do I wanna kill myself all the time why am I too afraid to even kill myself why am I always overthinking why am I always over analyzing why is my safe place my phone why do I cry when I don’t have my headphones why am I so sensitive to sound am I faking it am I just a pick me whose faking being sensitive just because does everyone hate me why do my friends care more for my bullies than me why does no one understand how I feel and whenever someone does they’re older than me and from another state its not fair I NEED friends even my therapist said so why won’t my mom take me to that place for other LGBTQIAP+ kids when that might be exactly what I need why am I so scared to kill myself why am I so scared to live why am I so scared to love why do I not know what love is why can’t I be happy why can’t I be sad why can’t I be nervous why can’t a feel why can I feel so much why am I always alone why do I always feel alone why do I always feel this weird dark gaping empty hole inside me why can’t I be happy I have a few friends who might genuinely care for me why do I ignore their feelings why can’t I feel their feelings why do bullies hate me so much they’re gay too they’re black too they’re single too they have trauma too we have the same humor why do they hate me was it something I said something I did did I breathe to loud too quiet do I need to think slower to I need to be more closer minded why do I upset those around me why don’t I love myself why can’t I go to my mom without her not listening to me why won’t she listen to me why does she try to blame everything on god rather than realizing there’s ways she could help why is she all of the sudden worried about me going somewhere on a Sundays night because “its a school night” knowi she makes

[flashthescalesian-art]

Silence (a.k.a Jax has rejection sensitive dysphoria)

Jax has ADHD, and I also have ADHD, so of course I had to dump my RSD issues onto Jax too because traumatizing my OCs is how I cope when something is bothering me. I’m not gonna go into detail about my personal issues (I’m okay, just struggle-bussing it through life), but sometimes no matter what anyone says, RSD still manages to convince you that you did something wrong when someone stops talking to you. (Bob belongs to @thehannalyzer, btw, he’s not mine. (Also, I’m not trying to make any commander mentioned out to be a “bad guy” or “mean”, just so we’re clear on that. This is from Jax’s RSD-clouded POV, I’m not bashing anyone else mentioned))

—————

“Something’s bugging you,” Blazer said in lieu of a greeting when he walked into Jax’s office and leaned on the desk with both arms, one hand supporting his chin as he stared at Jax. 

Jax avoided eye contact and tried to pretend he was busy working. Go away. 

“Hey, genius, you and I both know you hate paperwork, so there’s no way you’re so focused that you didn’t hear me.” Blazer grabbed Jax’s datapad and pulled it out of his hands before setting it facedown just out of Jax’s reach. “You gonna talk to me or do I need to make you talk?” 

Jax glared up at Blazer. He looked genuinely worried, if annoyed, and Jax instantly felt guilty. What am I doing? Why am I pushing him away when he’s not even someone I’m mad at? Sighing, Jax rubbed a hand down his face, trying to stay composed enough to explain what was going on in his head. “The others are barely speaking to me. Or, it feels that way, anyway.” He shrugged. “I dunno if I’m just overreacting or if they’re actually ignoring me.” 

Blazer frowned sympathetically as he absently rubbed the scar on his chin with one finger. “Okay. Are they just busy? It’s not like things have been quiet for anyone lately.” 

Jax shrugged again, a lump forming in his throat. Force-dammit. Can’t talk about osik without crying. No wonder the others see me as a baby still. “I don’t know. A couple of them said they’re busy, but others… I haven’t heard from a few of them in weeks.” His eyes stung, so he scrubbed at them with one hand. He felt Blazer’s hand rest on top of the hand that still held his stylus for his datapad. 

“Who haven’t you heard from?” Blazer’s voice was gentle, so gentle. 

Jax couldn’t look at him. “F-Fox. And Bob. And— and Bacara and Neyo.” 

“Well, you told me that Thorn’s been worried about Fox too, so I doubt he’s ignoring only you if his twin is worried about him. Plus you mentioned that Thire sounded worried.” 

“Was that supposed to be reassuring?” Jax asked bitterly. 

Blazer gave a soft sigh. “Yes and no. It’s not a good thing that Fox seems to be ignoring Thorn and Thire too, but it does mean that it’s probably nothing to do with you, if that’s what you’re upset about.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Jax mumbled, still barely holding himself together. “Even if Fox isn’t mad at me, that doesn’t explain everyone else.” 

Blazer squeezed Jax’s hand. “It is possible that Bob is avoiding talking to you since that fight you two had. It might be good if you don’t talk to him for a while anyway.” 

Jax instantly felt guilt wash over him like a wave, so he buried his face in his arms on the desk, pulling away from Blazer. “I don’t wanna talk about that. He hates me, and I don’t even know what I did wrong.” Sure, Bob had sent multiple apologies after the fight, but that was nearly a month ago at this point. Jax hadn’t really responded since he wasn’t sure he believed Bob, and after a month of silence, it felt even harder to believe that Bob didn’t hate him. 

“So what if he hates you?” Blazer’s voice took on a fierce tone that seemed to color his words any time Jax mentioned that he thought Bob— or any of his brothers, really —hated him. “You don’t need his approval or attention. Same goes for Neyo and Bacara. If they don’t wanna talk to you, that’s their issue, not yours. You didn’t do anything to them.” 

Jax simply wanted to melt into the floor. He knew Blazer meant well, and some angry part of him agreed with Blazer, but he couldn’t shake the little cadet voice wondering why his older brothers didn’t seem to want to talk to him, or why he always felt like they looked down on him. Just the thought of never speaking to any of his older brothers again made that little voice cry out in agony. “But I don’t want to lose contact with them,” Jax whimpered into his arms. 

“If they’re not gonna put in the effort, why should you?” Blazer asked, his raspy voice nearly a growl now. 

Jax felt tears escape, so he pressed his face harder into his arms. “Because I love them,” he whimpered, feeling pathetic. 

He heard the soft thunk of Blazer’s vambraces on the desk, then footsteps that stopped at his side. A hand rested on his shoulder. “You don’t owe them anything. If they don’t want to talk to you, that’s their choice. Don’t let them drag you down. If they don’t think you’re worth the effort, then it’s not a relationship worth stressing over.” Blazer’s voice was much softer now. 

Jax tried to take a breath, but it came out as more of a sob. “But what did I do wrong?” It didn’t make sense that his older brothers would just stop talking to him, so he had to have done something to make them want to stop talking to him. Right?

Blazer grabbed Jax with both hands and carefully guided him out of his chair and onto the floor before pulling him into a tight hug. Jax didn’t have the energy to resist, so he simply buried his face in Blazer’s shoulder. “If you can’t think of anything you did wrong, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes it’s not your fault when people don’t want to talk to you anymore.” 

“It still feels like it’s my fault,” Jax choked out, clinging to Blazer. 

Blazer simply held him tighter. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

Jax could only cry harder.

[wildestdreamcatcher]

Family Ties

Summary: A typical night with Elijah and his mother, Annette.

TW: Cheating, affairs, physical abuse, neglect

A/N: I posted this on my phone and copying and pasting it didn't work as well as it did on my laptop. Sorry for that, y'all!!

I walked into my parents’ bedroom, as my mom sat at her vanity. She was the only parent in the house since my dad had just left a few minutes ago, completely unannounced. Everyone always said I looked like a mix of both of my parents, and looking at my mom it was evident we looked alike. I hated that fact. It took her 10 minutes to notice I was calling out for her.

“There you are, Elijah! Your father and I won’t be home tonight. Your father is going back to New Jersey for a week and John’s taking me out tonight. Lucas might be home by tomorrow, though! He and Anna are going to be staying for a few days, they wanted you to meet the baby.” I sighed as she spoke. This was the 3rd time she met with John this week. They had been sleeping together for 6 months now, they were completely obsessed with each other and he didn’t even care that she had been married for 24 years. I wasn’t shocked when she told me my dad was going back to New Jersey for a week, even though it would be longer than that.

I remembered pleading with Chris to stay and crying like a little kid when he left.

I used to love living in Atlantic City, NJ. Lucas and Chris used to take me to different places around town, they taught me how to swim at the beach, I had friends I really liked, everything was great until my dad fucked it up. Both of my parents had affairs, it was no secret to anyone. They never loved each other, never wanted to get married, but then she accidentally got pregnant with Lucas forcing them to get married. They never got mad about the affairs, until mom found out he was cheating on her with her best friend.

Lucas didn’t have to worry about the fallout, he was 22 and finishing college, so it didn’t effect him. Chris and I had to listen to all of their arguments that night since they didn’t care about screaming at eachother right in front of us. That lasted for three whole months. The sound of glass shattering still haunts me. I always tried to leave when they argued now, knowing it would turn violent.

“Mama, why don't you just stay the night. Lucas probably wants to see you!” I tried begging her. I didn’t feel like asking Todd, Andrew or Becca for somewhere to say.

“Nonsense! Elijah, I’m a grown woman! If I wanna stay out all night, I’ll do as I damn please. Besides, you’re 17! Find your own place to stay for tonight!”

I walked out the door. It was stupid for me to try to convince her to not make me go just like it was stupid to ask for her to pay attention to me when I was little, just like all those times I begged for my dad to just tell me he loved me. I hoped that when I saw Lucas tomorrow, he’d considered letting me stay with him and Anna. Until then, I would just be wandering the streets and praying to God she didn't take my house key with her.

@sadlonelyyogurt @blowflygrls @vommitgirl

[pinejayy]

Do you still take requests for Dr.Robotnik stuff, because if you are I was hoping you could write a Robotnik x plus size reader.

I haven’t written for him in so long because I lost motivation for that character, but I still love him! But for you I will do it uwu.

I’m sorry this is so short 🥹

I hope you enjoy this!! uwu

Fluff Love (Dr.Robotnik x Plus Size!Reader)

Life was somewhat great, you had an amazingly boyfriend. Yes your boyfriend was the one and only Ivo Robotnik, yes you loved the man who was after that blue hedgehog. And yes he seemed crazy but he was really sweet and goofy guy. You're just lucky to have him, he was only person who cared about you. Everyone wasn't to nice to you since you were 'bigger'. You didn't understand why they treated you differently just because of your weight, but you didn't let their mean comments get to you...most of the time.

Currently you were walking to the store you and your boyfriend were going to have a date night. It's been awhile since date night, and it took a lot of convincing since he didn't want to stop resting until he caught that hedgehog. But eventually he caved in. 

The store was only five minutes away from your apartment, you were on your way for snacks. It's a shame that he couldn’t join you. As you were walking you heard a couple laughing behind you.

“Wow look at them, walk. Hope they don’t crack the floor.” One of them said, as the other laughed at their comment.

“Yeah! I sure hope so! I wouldn’t wanna fall down.” They laughed.

You couldn’t help but frown at their comments, yes people always made comments about your weight but you never really gotten used to them. You just continue to walk faster. And soon after you made it to the store, walking in quickly. Losing the couple.

You sighed and shook your head, you should’ve let me get you, but it was so hard. As you walked around the store. You tried to look for your favorite snacks and also for your boyfriends, once you grabbed everything you had a lot. As you were about to pay for everything you ran into the couple from a few minutes ago.

They looked at you, smirking. “Wow you’re going to eat all that? Wow safe some for the rest of us.” One of them said as the other laughed.

You look at them, raising an eyebrow. What was their problem with you? “No, this is for me and my boyfriend.” You said. “Now.. I would appreciate you guys leaving me alone.”

The couple looked at each other and laughed at you. “Wow! Are you serious? You? A boyfriend? Wow he must be blind. Like come on.”

You frown and walk off, going to pay for your stuff. But they followed you. “Please leave me alone.”

“Or what? Huh! What are you going to do huh? Send in your boyfriend!” They laughed. “Come on let’s go before their imaginary boyfriend comes after us.” They laughed and with that they walked off laughing.

You stood there, you tried so hard not to tear up. Once you were done paying for your things you walked off. As you walked towards your place you began to tear up. Why were people so rude? What did you even do? As a few minutes passed by you finally made it to your place.

You opened the door, and closed softly. Placing the bag down. You wanted to cry, but couldn't. You didn’t want to worry your boyfriend again.

"Hello Sweetheart, did you get the things?"

You look up and saw your boyfriend, you quickly wipe your tears away. "Hey, I did."

Robotnik looked at you, frowning. "What happened." He asked, walking over to you and wrapping his arms around you. You started to tear up.

“People…I hate them.” You say quietly and you hug him back immediately. “They made fun of my weight again…”

Robotnik frowned, he knew that people would constantly make fun of your weight. But that didn’t change of the way he thought of you. He honestly thought you were one of the most prettiest/handsome person he’s ever met. He didn’t understand why people had to be so cruel towards you. Even he wasn’t so mean, yes he was a villain but not an asshole.

“I’m sorry sweetheart. I wish I was there for you.” He held you close, rubbing your back.

“Um well…as they were making fun of me… I mentioned that I had a boyfriend, and they laughed, saying that you were imaginary.”

This made him even more upset. “Did you remember how they looked? I have to deal with something.”

You nodded and described the way he looked, and what they were wearing to him. He just nodded. Soon after he pulled away from the hug and he smiled. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I really wish I was there. But don’t pay attention to them. They don’t know what they are talking about…those idiots don’t know what they talking about.”

“But they are rig-“ you say but he cut you off mid sentence. Placing a finger over your lips.

“Don’t finish that sentence, don’t you dare. You’re perfect the way you are. You’re so beautiful. I love you and your prefect body.” He said. Leaning in and placing his forehead against yours. “I love your Y/N, please don’t let them get to you.”

You sigh and lean your forehead against his. “I know, but it’s so hard.”

He looked at you and grabbed your hand, and he started to walk over to the bedroom you guys shared. “I’m going to prove that you’re prefect the way you are.”

You look at him, and just nodded.

Once you guys were in the room he stood in the middle of the room with you. “You really are beautiful, and tonight I’m going to show you how beautiful you are. How prefect your body is.” He said softly, placing a soft kiss on your lips.

You kiss back, a bit flustered. Soon after you pulled away from the kiss. “Are you sure it won’t be too much?”

He shook his head “Not at all sweetheart. Now please allow me to show you a wonderful night.” He said, taking your hand and placing a gentle kiss on it.

You couldn’t help but blush. You really were lucky to have him. “I love you Ivo.”

“I love you too Y/N”

And that very night your boyfriend showed you how much you mean to him, and beautiful your body was. Kissing every inch of it and also letting you know that you’re beautiful. He cared for you so much.

But that same night he made sure to pay a visit to that lovely couple, and it wasn’t pretty for them.