#wall-legion theory hour

[wall-legion]

And while I'm on here you know what, I'm undeleting the theory from the other day. Here goes of what I can remember, plus some new thoughts since I've had a few more days to let it percolate!

With the addition that I am now aware that "Isgarren appeared to Turai as such, it was in Turai's journal", I have one thing to say to that: how do we know what's real in regards to documentation left around in the game. The current maps we are playing in are obviously lousy with a magic we as the Commander/Wayfinder are completely unfamiliar with and cannot do a vibe check on. Beyond that, we have never met Turai (living anyways) as the Commander/Wayfinder so we have no reference for how he sounds. In short, I am chalking a lot of the documentation left around up to magic manipulation/unreliable narration until proven otherwise.

And to get back to the theory as it once stood: Isgarren claims that he is a Seer. If we go back to the Guild Wars 1 wiki, a Seer appears like the one in the image below.

The face is correct for Isgarren, but he is blue and not black and as someone on Discord pointed out, Isgarren is lacking "the weird Seer pizza feet".

Also of note at that link: there was a dead Seer at Zinn's lab back in Guild Wars 1. There certainly isn't one now in the fractal. 🤔

But now to the meat of the matter - if Isgarren is not a Seer, then what? I posit that is in fact a djinn, as seen below in a screenshot from (once again) the GW1 wiki.

Now to make my case...

1) djinn can shapeshift, while it is never indicated in the lore that Seers are able to. Yes the argument can be made that "his magic" but;

2) Isgarren seems to prefer a form of elemental magic in the fight against us, which is also indicative of djinn. He gives Garenhoff the elementals, as well. The magic in the boss fight against him is admittedly different but I circle back to my point of the realm having magic we don't know how to utilize;

5) djinn are also capable of choosing paths of good or evil, like most mortal races of Tyria; and finally,

3) djinn are native to Elona, where Turai's ascension failed;

4) djinn are historically enemies of demons, explaining Isgarren's beef with Eparch and his ilk;

6) Seers are written in the GW1 wiki as being genderless. I don't think GW2 would arbitrarily decide to start gendering a character from a race they wrote as being genderless almost twenty years ago.

I think Isgarren is a djinn, and I have my doubts now as to whether this is even the real Isgarren or someone playing at being him- or them. But I suppose time will tell.

[owl-with-a-pen]

Brainy had noted a change in Zor-El’s demeanour from the moment he’d first dispelled his image inducer.

There had been an intensity about him ever since they’d been paired together to create the virus intended to stop Oscar. At the time, Brainy had simply elected to ignore it. Adjusting to Earth had not been easy for him, after all, and Zor-El had clearly been haunted by phantoms of his own past—those that did not take the shape of something that could be so easily conquered.

Brainy hadn’t pressed. It was an… uncomfortable topic for a great many reasons. Reasons he, too, had chosen to overlook. Besides, their most pressing task had taken his full attention… barring – of course - a tiny, negligible… mere handful, of thought tracks that could have potentially mulled things over if given the opportunity. But there was none. Of course, there was none.

Obviously.

It wasn’t until they were alone together on the Legion ship that Brainy allowed himself to re-open those specific thought tracks, skirting over them in finer detail as he simultaneously marked out the co-ordinates for Argo City with a superfluous flick of his right hand.

The ship had been silent since their departure from Earth’s atmosphere, a soft purr from the engines acting as the only sign of life.

Brainy was no stranger to long silences, especially on journeys where he found himself far removed from the goings on of the rest of his crew, far too immersed in his own work. Now, though? Well, the removal of his inhibitors often left him restless, encouraging him to fill every space with a thought or calculation to occupy his time. His mind ran faster than it ever had before, so much that slowing it down to a purely biological mindset was oftentimes inconceivable, especially if he’d worked himself up.

Had he done so now? Perhaps the mere idea of this journey had triggered something in him, because suddenly all those thoughts had nowhere left to hide.

Brainy twisted his ring mindlessly around his finger, pinching skin, digging into the indentations with his thumbnail. When that proved an insufficient distraction, he leant forward in his chair, sending himself on fruitless ventures around the circumference of the navigation room. His legs kicked empty air as his mind continued to whirr, thinking – no – fearing that his theory may have been correct.

Running out of relevant physical and mental stimulus to occupy his time, he admitted something of defeat by leaping from his chair, heading instead in the direction that he had last seen Zor-El before he had conveniently wandered off.

He hadn’t gotten far. In fact, he was stood in the adjacent hallway, staring out through the ceiling to floor windows that ran in a curved slope down the left-hand side of the wall.

Outside, the world was still, the darkness of space only interrupted by sparse flecks of microscopic balls of light, glowing from a lifetime away. It was impossible to tell what Zor-El was thinking in that moment, although Brainy considered it might have been hope for what was to come; to see his home again – if only in part.

But something cold had settled in Brainy’s stomach from the moment he’d stepped through the arch, and he felt a question rise suddenly on his tongue. And so, it was with a wary curiosity that Brainy wandered the hallway to join Zor-El, his hands folded tightly to the base of his spine.

He swallowed down the urge to ask and cleared his throat, electing instead to tell. “We should reach Argo in the next four hours, twenty-five minutes, sixteen—twelve—seconds,” Brainy said, flinching at his own miscalculation. He had failed to account for the seconds that had passed in the time it had taken him to deliver said information. A schoolboy’s error, one that he did not make lightly. After all, the difference between a few seconds could often mean life or death.

Life or death. It certainly felt that way now, waiting on Zor-El’s response. The arm on Brainy’s internal clock couldn’t have ticked slower if it had tried.  

Eventually, Zor-El lowered his head, blinking away decades-worth of reverie. He failed to meet Brainy’s eye. “Very well.”

The question was back again, nagging on the tip of his tongue. Brainy scratched awkwardly at his collar, drawing forward a little impulsively. “Have I… done something to offend?”

He had assumed the answer long before this conversation, and yet Brainy still felt a sinking in his stomach when Zor-El drew to his full height, easing his shoulders back as he continued to regard the emptiness ahead of him. “My wife and I always taught our daughter to see the best in people,” he spoke calmly, his dark eyes tracking the stars one by one, “only I never realised that those teachings might one day extend to one of your—kind.”

Zor-El’s gaze moved suddenly, no longer capturing the world outside, but rather holding firm on the one reflection cast against the glass. Of Brainy’s ghostly silhouette, the glow of his projectors a subdued brilliance in the simulated dusk of the ship’s dimly lit hall.

“Ah,” Brainy said tightly. His mouth was suddenly very dry. He swallowed hard, clenching his hands behind his back. “I had suspected.”

“And so you admit it!” Zor-El said immediately, spinning suddenly to face him. His expression was a mask of perfect fury. Staunch and unyielding. “I recognised those markings on your uniform the moment I awoke from that hell.” He laughed colourlessly. “And that moniker they call you, as though your heritage is nothing but a fallacy. Now, you show your true colours hidden behind that image modifier of yours, parading yourself about so bluntly, as if you have no shame.” His lips twitched dangerously. “But I know you.”

For a moment, all Brainy wanted was to dare the words right out of Zor-El’s mouth, but he didn’t get the chance. Zor-El was far too quick.

“You are one of them. A Brainiac.”

“Brainiac-5,” Brainy corrected lightly, holding firm in his stance. “You may call me Querl, if that’s—”

“I may call you nothing!” Zor-El spat. “You are an enemy to our people. Have you told my daughter what you did?”

“What my ancestor did.” Brainy bristled, biting down hard on his tongue to keep from speaking out of turn. Still, his anger stirred deep inside, restless in its pursuit to freedom. Brainy refused it. It felt as though he had been refusing it for far too long. Instead, he said, “I have told her what he was responsible for. I have told them all.”

Zor-El made a derisive sound. “He. Is that how you worded it, is that why she has forgiven you so easily?”

“I am not responsible for my ancestor’s actions. I have done nothing but strive—”

“Is that so?” Zor-El spoke over him. “Then answer me this, Brainiac, are you not bound to the minds of your clan? Do you not hear their voices as though they were your own?”

Brainy flinched, his lips thinning into a tasteless smile. His anger somersaulted into something more indulgent, veering towards petulance. He folded his arms. “I would ask how you know this,” Brainy said levelly, cocking his head, “only I know the answer already. For, Kara told me what you used my people for on Krypton.”

Zor-El’s eyes were as dark as coals. He shrugged, running a hand across his jaw. As though it made no difference at all. “Yes, we worked with the Coluans.”

“They worked for you,” Brainy corrected. “You used my people, outfitted them for your own means all in the name of making your planet greater.” He barked out a sarcastic laugh, gesturing to himself with a flourish. “Just as I performed today. Did I not save your so-called invention from destroying Earth?”

“My only error was to trust in Coluan technology in the first place,” Zor-El said coldly, raising his chin. “But I suspect you know just how temperamental it can be. Brainiac-8 is also your relation, is she not?”

Brainy’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t see how that is relevant.”

“No, you don’t,” Zor-El cried. “Because that would mean admitting fault. You say you oh-so heroically saved this planet today, then I say it is the least you could have done after the abduction of Kandor, of the havoc that was subsequently wreaked on Krypton’s core, of everything the Brainiacs have destroyed!”

Brainy ran his tongue over his front teeth, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. “Okay, okay, I see where this is going,” he said, sinking back into a more languid stance. “My ancestor’s sins were abominable, I make no argument for him, but just hours ago it was you that was admitting fault for Krypton’s destruction. It is only logical you would wish to divert that blame elsewhere now that you are mere hours from what remains of your home, from your wife. So that you may lessen your own guilt.”

Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say, but Brainy no longer cared for tact. His anger was agitating again, spitting and swirling inside his stomach, and no amount of breathing exercises or Dolly Parton was about to take that away.

Zor-El’s eyes were wide. “You dare speak to me in this way?”

“Look at where you are, Zor-El,” Brainy said. “The ship in which you stand. Your fight isn’t with me. Stand down and we continue to Argo, to your people and your wife. Persist and I will gladly divert our course back to Earth so that another of my friends may make this journey with you.” He quirked a brow. “And believe me when I say that turning this ship around would take just a fraction of my mental capabilities.” He waved a hand towards the console in the room over with more aggression than was needed, clenching his fist. At the same time, their current course flashed across the screen, pasting itself as a 3D image above the control panel.  

Zor-El offered it one scathing look before huffing his disapproval, turning back towards the window. “Typical Coluan egotism,” he muttered.

“Typical Kryptonian pig-headedness,” Brainy shot back, enjoying the way Zor-El’s shoulders drew together at the insult.

Neither one of them spoke a word after that, though Brainy suspected the rest of their journey together would not be a pleasant experience.

---------

They landed in a quiet pasture on the outskirts of the city, just before sundown. The tallest points of Argo’s developing structures were barely visible from their vantage, smothered by a dense treeline.

Only one person stood to greet them. Brainy recognised her the moment they stepped outside, for she shared the same kind smile as her daughter’s.

Alura Zor-El swept her husband into her arms the second he stumbled into the grass, no longer guided by the light-footedness he’d found so easily beneath a yellow sun. Brainy deftly averted his gaze when the two embraced, not wishing to encroach on the moment. No matter how tense their trip here had become, Zor-El deserved this moment of reunion with his wife. With everything he’d lost.

Besides, rage was not new to Brainy’s systems by now, and with the last few hours of silence to help gather his thoughts, he’d been able to put much of his anger aside in favour of a more optimistic outlook.

One that reminded him that he would be making the return trip alone. Indeed, soon he would be putting a sizeable distance between himself and all the contempt that Zor-El held for him.

It was only when Brainy heard Alura’s sharp intake of breath that he tuned back into the here and now.

She was no longer in the arms of her husband but had rather taken a step forward before falling quite still, studying Brainy with meticulous curiosity. She folded her hands in front of her, reviewing at first his hair, then his face, then the dot formation across his chest.

Brainy’s stomach clenched the further her eyes travelled. A part of him wished he’d activated his image inducer again before leaving the ship. Maybe that would have made things easier.

When Alura took another step forward, Brainy braced himself for the worst, stiffening when her eyes widened in surprise.

“You—” she said, and for one awful moment Brainy felt sure that she might strike him. Flashes of a familial sneer caught in his memory banks, and as Alura drew closer, he suddenly couldn’t tell her face apart from the mother that haunted his own childhood. It felt harder to hold his own against her, somehow, and he had to fight his every instinct not to retreat.

Instead, he was faced with the most curious of attacks. One that came in the form of a hug.

Flummoxed, Brainy held still in Alura’s embrace, not daring to breathe again until she’d released him. When she did, her brow furrowed, recognising his bewilderment.

“It is you, isn’t it?” she asked, suddenly uncertain of herself. “Brainy, of the Legion?”

Wordlessly, Brainy nodded. He could feel Zor-El’s eyes on him, but didn’t dare turn from Alura.

Alura’s face crumpled into a relieved smile. She bowed her head into a formal greeting. “I had hoped that we might one day meet,” she admitted. “There are many here who have wished the same. To meet you—to thank you.”

Now, Brainy was truly at a loss. “Thank me?” he repeated flatly.

“Thank him?” Zor-El echoed, equally dumbfounded.

“But of course,” Alura said, scooping Brainy’s hands suddenly into her own. Her eyes were bright. “Some years ago now, I was reunited with my daughter. She came with a friend – Mon-El of the Legion. He brought with him a piece of technology, your invention, one that helped eradicate Thalonite Lung completely from our community, as well as many other childhood ailments. So much of our medical history was lost on Krypton, but your invention filled in many of the gaps in our knowledge. It saved our children, our future.” Alura kissed him suddenly on the cheek, squeezing his hands. “You have my gratitude. You have Argo’s gratitude.”

For the first time in a long time, Brainy’s mind drew a total, unnerving blank. He stared at Alura uncomprehendingly, clearing his throat with more force than was necessary. “I—uh—I mean – you’re—you are very welcome.”

Alura chuckled, patting his knuckles gently. “This was not the welcome you had anticipated, was it?”

Brainy’s face fell. “Not at all,” he admitted, earning another laugh from Kara’s mother. “I—I suspect that you too know of my family’s history.”

Alura’s expression changed then. A profound sadness swept through her eyes. Sympathy, not scorn. “Yes,” she said, nodding slowly. “But… we do not choose our families. When I sent my daughter away, I only hoped that she would find safety on Earth, find a family, and I was fortunate that my prayers were answered. Not all of us are as lucky.” She smiled kindly. “We choose our paths, and from what Kara has told me, the path you have chosen is a noble one. So, Argo welcomes you, Brainiac-5.”

“This is all true?” Zor-El asked into the silence that Brainy left. He’d made an attempt at moving closer since his wife had begun to speak, a waver of distrust still evident in his dark eyes.

Alura paid it no mind, turning to take Zor-El’s face in her hands. “Oh, my dear husband. Every word.”

A pained look pulled Zor-El’s brow taut, and for a moment he said nothing at all. Eventually, he took his wife’s hand with a tenderness that spoke the years they’d been apart, holding her fingers there against his cheek, as though afraid of what might happen if he let go.

Brainy knew that feeling all too well. His heart ached to recall his own forced separation from Nia, how ardently he’d held onto her when the dust had settled after all the mistakes he’d made. He imagined now how her eyes would have lit up seeing another world like Argo, how different this experience might have been had she been at his side.

But perhaps this discomfort had been necessary, because when Zor-El finally turned to face Brainy, there was no more hatred left to greet him.

Instead, he said, “I believe I owe you an apology, Querl Dox.”

Brainy’s lips twitched. “And I you.” He shrugged. “I could have—handled your scorn better.”

Zor-El laughed. “You handled it well,” he assured him. “I-I admit that I have not been the easiest to deal with since my return from the Phantom Zone. My guilt—it was unfair to make that your burden. You have proven who you are over and over in the short time I have been reunited with my daughter; I just let my pig headedness get in the way of seeing that.”

“I am certain my Coluan ego did not help matters.” Brainy smirked. “But… I forgive you.”

Alura glanced between them both, a smile of her own playing on her lips. “I imagine the trip here was quite tense?”

Brainy and Zor-El both laughed at that. “You could say that,” Zor-El said.

Alura rolled her eyes, beckoning them towards the woods. “Come, then, both of you, before it gets too dark. Let me show you around.”

Lulled by this new serenity in his emotional state, Brainy nearly followed after her. He stopped himself short, clenching his hands reluctantly. “I—I must be returning to Earth. The Super Friends—”

Alura cut him off, swooping in to take his arm. “And you will. But please, Querl, allow me this opportunity? As I say, many of the people here have wanted to thank you.”

Brainy realised he could not deny her. Perhaps he didn’t want to. The invention he had created had been for the betterment of all society, and while he had never envisioned it landing a thousand years in the past, helping the remnant of a planet thought to be destroyed in the fallout of his own ancestor’s attack, he supposed it was somewhat fitting.

He may not have been responsible for Krypton’s destruction, but if he was able to do something to help the people who had suffered because of it, then there was absolutely no question. He was grateful Mon-El had been able to use it here, and it warmed Brainy’s heart to know that he had shared stories of the Legion with the people of Argo City while he had been there. Enough that, perhaps, the name Brainiac might instil something other than fear in the hearts of the children who ran free here. Healthy… because of him.

And so, Briany nodded. “A few hours, then,” he agreed.

Alura’s smile widened. “Excellent!”

With that, Brainy fell into step with Zor-El and, together, they let Alura guide them home.

[unquestionably-questionable]

One time I asked a coworker ‘what superpower could you have that would encourage you to be a super villain’ and he said ‘the ability to look at someone and immediately know all of their credentials to every online account they’ve ever had in perpetuity’ and I was like ‘damn, that’s a good answer’ so I wrote some shit about it.

The livestream began at 2:58 AM, on a Youtube channel created earlier that day simply called “The Fall”.

The Alliance was in top form at the beginning of the fight for the moon. The Roman, a time traveling gladiator, led the initial charge. He rushed into the Viscount’s lair, The Spear of Destiny, which he’d gotten from Jesus Christ himself after battling the Legion of the Nine Hells, held high above his head. Monster was right behind him, spitting acid at any bots that got too close before ripping out their mechanical innards with her razor sharp claws. Turbo came next, she sped through the lair with the young hero Lucky on her back. The two of them raced through and then past the enemy, scouting the best path ahead so they could alert the rest of the team to any dangers they might come up against.

And finally, calling shots and plays from the back, were the heroes everyone was waiting for. Ms Mystic floated into frame, her eyes shining with gold and purple light. Fractals and equations and archaic looking runes drifted around her hands as she waved them through the air at a group of oncoming mechs, who simply collapsed into their component parts at her gesture. Then there was StarBright, the last member of an ancient alien race. He ran into the room, jumped 10 feet in the air and, with the weight of a sun, pile drived a robot that was about to decapitate Monster. She hissed in thanks and leaped back into the fray.

And it went like this for a while; the team knew what was coming, thanks to Turbo and Lucky. They were coordinated, balanced, running like the well oiled machine they’d been for years. The people watched them back on Earth and relaxed. To them, there was nothing to be worried about. There was nothing the Alliance, especially at full force, could not handle.

Then they reached the Viscount himself.

It’s hard to say what happened exactly, and hard to tell what caused it. Maybe they were tired. They’d been fighting henchpersons and robots of various sizes for the past half hour or so. Heroes run out of juice. Maybe the Viscount had some sort of power dampener, maybe one of the Alliance turned a traitor. None of the million and one theories ravaging Twitter at the time changed the horror of what the world at large was witnessing.

The Roman was pinned to the wall, the Spear shoved deep into his belly. The Monster lay on the ground in a crumpled heap, a pool of viscous steaming blood widened around her. Both of Turbo’s legs were broken, but that hadn’t stopped her from crawling towards the still form of Lucky. She couldn’t tell if he was breathing. Ms. Mystic screamed silently from the other side of a mirror. She banged on the glass until her fists bled, tears streaming from her eyes.

And StarBright-

StarBright knew that if he was to die, his body would become the black hole the dying star he’d been born from was always meant to be. He did his best to steady his breathing, to keep himself clear eyed and awake. It was a losing battle. And losing meant the end of this solar system.

“Viscount,” he’d said, his lips dribbling silvery star stuff blood. “Y- you can’t”.

And then for everyone in the world watching, the feed cut.

The panic and terror and anguish were immediate. The UN declared a world-wide state of emergency. World rulers across the globe were rushed to their seats of power to plan for damage control and to plan exactly how they were going to give the Viscount half of all wealth in the world to stop him from exploding the moon.

Back at the lair though-

“Umm, I think I just did it, actually,” said the Viscount, grinning too wide. He ran a blood slicked hand through his hair and laughed. “I built a secret moon base, put a bomb there, ransomed it, and then defeated literally the only people capable of stopping me. I’m either gonna blow up the moon and functionally end the world, or get super duper rich. I can’t -- I mean, in my wildest and most evil dreams this isn’t something I thought I’d be able to accomplish in my early 40’s. I’m so proud of myself right now. This is amazing.”

The Viscount walked over to the console at the far right of the room. “Who wants to start a countdown? I feel like starting a countdown. Congress really could use a fire underneath them you know, they move so slow,”. He pushed a few buttons on the console and an electronic keyboard popped up on his screen with a password prompt. He entered his mother’s name, as she was the only person he’d ever really loved, and waited for his home screen to pop up.

“INCORRECT,” a pleasant, if electronic, voice said very loudly.

Oh, well, he was a little giddy. The Viscount assumed he’d mistyped and entered his mother’s name, Meredith, again.

“INCORRECT,” said the voice once more.

The Viscount paused a moment, thinking. He was absolutely sure he’d made the password for his doomsday system his mother’s name. She would have certainly approved of all he was doing, having been an accomplished super villain herself. He carefully and cautiously entered her name one more time.

“INCORRECT. ACCOUNT LOCKED,” said the pleasantly grating robot voice.

“What? What the-” the Viscount huffed and looked out at the assembled and incapacitated heroes before him. “Just, okay, I’m gonna go in the other room for a second, you guys hang out, don’t touch anything, I’ll be right back,” he said, turning on his heel and walking into the hallway.

The Viscount pulled his phone from his pocket and called his IT guy. “Andrew, what the fuck is going on? I can’t get into the doomsday clock”.

“Uhh-- uhh- umm, yes, yes sir, we noticed that-- um- uhh yah, that is a thing I am working on right at this very moment,”.

“Okay, good, it shouldn’t have not worked in the first place Andrew, I told you what the password to that system should be set as a long time ago. What happened?”

“W- well- well sir, ss- sir did you not…. umm , did you change the password, uhh recently sir? In the last seven minutes?”

The Viscount pinched the bridge of his nose and noted another employee who needed to be thrown out of the airlock.

“No. No Andrew I did not change the password seven minutes ago”.

“Oh, okay cool. That’s, umm, that’s fine. Uhh, it just-- some-- uhhh, we can change it back! It looks like, umm uhmm , there are some security questions to answer though.”

“What are the questions, Andrew?”

“Okay, question #1 - Who is your favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?”

“...what did you just ask me Andrew?”

“Umm…. who… who is your favorite-”

“I DON’T LIKE TURTLES ANDREW! I THROW THOSE PLASTIC CAN RINGS INTO THE OCEAN INTACT FOR FUN! WHY ON EARTH WOULD HAVE A FAVORITE CARTOON TURTLE??!!”

“oOOHkay Sir, sorry about that umm--- uhh- o-o-okay, here’s another security question. Uhh, what is the best Glee cover?” Andrew asked.

The Viscount hung up the phone.

He walked back to the courtyard full of various dying heroes and towards StarBright in particular. He was just about to start a witty tirade, when his phone rang.

The Viscount looked and saw that the call was coming from his bank. He gestured, “just a second” to the wheezing StarBright and took the call.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hello, this is Jeanie from Marauders Mutual! I was calling to speak with the Viscount of Viciousness"?

“This is he”.

“Hi! I was just calling to confirm some unusual online activity. Recently, have you attempted to log onto your online banking in the area of Springfield, MO?” asked Jeanie.

“Umm, no. I’m in space.” said the Viscount.

“That’s what we thought, we had you noted as being in space until 17th. Okay, so, this login attempt was successful, which means that unfortunately, you’re going to need to close this account and re-open it with a new number,” said Jeanie.

“What? No!” said the Viscount. “I can’t do that, I’m expecting a wire transfer of half of the world’s wealth from the UN in the next hour, I can’t close my account”.

“Sir, in these types of situations, we really do need to have the account closed. Imagine if you got that transfer and then whoever has access to your accounts takes all of those funds. We’re only trying to act in your best interests”.

“I don’t-- you know what, I can’t deal with this right now. I’m gonna call you back, don’t freeze my accounts,” the Viscount hung up before the representative could get a word in edgewise. He turned around to find StarBright...laughing at him?

“You’ve really gone overboard if you pissed him off,” said StarBright.

“What are you talking about?” asked the Viscount. As he said this, his phone buzzed. A text alert from Transunion, his password had been changed.

“He doesn’t usually butt it. And he’s just as likely to be on our team as he is to be against it. I guess he just doesn’t like you,” said StarBright, shrugging.

The Viscount’s phone buzzed again. His Netflix password had been changed. “Who?” he asked. “Who did I piss off? What’s happening?”

The Viscount’s phone buzzed again. It was Hulu this time. Then HBO. Then his Gmail. His V(illain)mail. His electric company. His gas. His antivirus software. His Amazon. His XBox Live. His Twitter. His Youtube. His Reddit. His internet. The remote access panels in his space lair. His doomsday device. Eventually he couldn’t even unlock his phone anymore.

“Password Man,” said StarBright. “You went too far, and Password Man decided it was time to stop you,”

[milkywaybandit]

Tell you what I need? I need some more public perspective and outsider POV of the clone wars.

I want fail compilations and highlight reels. Deep dive analysis of certain battles and videos on the Top Ten Things We Still Dont Know About The Jedi.

Give me the girls who hang pictures of Jedi on their wall and play kiss-marry-kill with the seperatists.

Give me the boys of the street swapping homemade trading cards and daring each other to try touch the troopers as they pass.

I want to hear from my Mrs. Anakin Skywalker’s on their religiously run fan page. Who organise weekend trips to coruscant with their online friends to see the Temple in person.

I want Jedi-sonas and unofficial Jedi merch. Different coloured wristbands to signify which is your favourite legion. Fanart and problematic ships.

People camping outside the temple gates waiting to try catch a glimpse of their favourite Jedi.

Zealous fans sneaking into the temple by stowing away on service craft and vlogging it for their ThySpace channel.

Why can’t I see the conspiracy theories with hour long rants shot on a portrait datapad camera, proving that the Jedi are all actors and the force just special effects.

Where are my stylised Jedi robes worn by high-end fashion events. The holonet trends and challenges.

Where are my doomsday protesters who the Jedi are devil worshipers, and then the cult that think they are gods.

Late night talk show hosts giving professional sounding and wildly misinformed opinions on a war they aren’t qualified to give opinions on.

The woman who swears she is secretly married to a Jedi appearing on space Dr. Phil.

Kids watching shaking camera footage of battles in the back of a class room and fighting each other with lightsaber sticks in the yard.

Where are my clone look-a-like contest and stolen armour used to try sneak onto ships.

I want long lost family members who gave up their kid to the Jedi suddenly appearing on talk shows for their five minutes of fame.

I want the public grieving when a favourite general dies, and the memorials in the streets. The worry when a Jedi hasn’t been spotted in a while.

Daredevils with broken arms from where they try to replicate famous moves pulled by Jedi. The press release from the temple when one dies in the process.

Hushed tales told by grizzled men in smokey bars, whiskey shots pushed into shakey hands as they recount the time they saw Skywalker in person, a supernova behind his eyes and blood staining his bared teeth.

I want the fear, the awe, the obsession and the outrage.

GIMME. PUBLIC. OUTSIDER. POV.

[simibraun]

"You taught me the courage of stars before you left How light carries on endlessly, even after death With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite How rare and beautiful it is to even exist

I couldn't help but ask, for you to say it all again I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen I'd give anything to hear, you say it one more time That the universe was made, just to be seen by my eyes"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s

This song is almost like a lamentation to me that I connect Erwin with his father.

The Midnight Sun.

Erwin always held his own personal ideals and motivations inside him ever since his father passed. Since a child, he always had a curiosity about the world, and with his father being a teacher, he taught him and shared many personal ideas and theories about the history of the Walls, and that made him even more curious to learn the truth that lies outside.

How many hours could they've passed together after school, talking and dreaming about these things, how exciting and astounding could all these be for Erwin, hearing his father's theories, carefully listening to his mentor's words and creating worlds and dreams in his mind. Erwin was so excited to share all these with the other kids, but how could an innocent child known what this entails.

"Based on what I knew, my father was killed by the government. Why did he have to die for nothing more than getting close to the truth? My father was killed by human greed.. And by the foolishness of his own son.."

Ever since his father passed, Erwin lived with regrets but also with the purpose to justify his father's death, by finding the answers of the world and prove that his theories are right.

Erwin became a Scout for this reason. He talked with others about these theories on his journey in the Legion, but in time he stopped talking about it, and kept it inside him. Through the years, this purpose became an obsession that changed him a lot, his way of life, way of thinking, abandoning even safety and love, and chose to dive into the Hell outside the Walls, to find these answers he was looking for. It became a life mission for him.

After he became a Commander, he had soldiers following his orders, with inspiring words to fight for Humanity and offer their hearts for the cause. In time he became more cold hearted, fooling his own self and comrades, stepping into corpses for the path to the truth and he realized that in the end he was fighting for himself and for a dream that he only wanted to see.

Erwin ended up suffering restless in his own thoughts, and was enslaved in his own lost self. Even if he had faithful comrades and friends by his side like Mike, Nile and Levi, still, none of them knew his true struggles, and he rarely opened himself to them.

How melancholic could Erwin be through all these years of searching, how patient could he be in each step he made, in order to move forward and being closer to the answers he long wanted to find, how lonely could he be in his personal times filled with guilt for the loss of his father, and also how brave and determined he was to fight against a government and folk who were against the Survey Corps for many years, blaming him as a Commander for the death of soldiers who had families of their own awaiting them in their return, fighting against Titans every time he went outside the Walls, without knowing if this could be the last time for him and that he may never return back. All his years were filled with restless agony.

"What will you do when that dream of yours comes true, what will you do next?"

Only Levi could set him Free from the Hell he was living in. Levi understood that he was suffering, by hearing him talking about his dreams in the Battle of Shiganshina, in the middle of a War, in a life and death situation. Even at that time Erwin would still speak obsessively about his dreams, and in his final moments even then he still was dreaming of something he only wanted to see. In the end it was not a dream, it was torture.

"Everybody had to be drunk on something to keep themselves going. Everyone was a slave to something."

Levi understood that if he would give the serum to Erwin, he would never rest, he wouldn't be revived to be given a chance to live again a normal life, he would be dragged again in the Hell he was living in, and with the Power of the Colossal Titan, he would destroy himself and would be restless even more. At that moment Levi decided that it was time for Erwin to finally rest. Even if it was a very hard choice to make, it was the right one to do, to finally set him free and let him rest in peace.

"You've fought well. It's all thanks to you that we've come this far. Give up on your dream and die."

Erwin had to hear these words from someone. That he gave his everything, and that he did well. That he did more than that. That it is ok not to do something anymore and give up on it. That he is allowed to rest.

"Levi, thank you."

[elle9095]

So yesterday The Boyz’ Checkmate performance on Road to Kingdom completely blew my mind and it's been all I can think about for like 15 hours so I figured writing basically a dissertation explaining what I saw in their performances is going to help me make sense of life again.

The narrative that I got from the performances tells a story about the power struggles of monarchy, both literally and metaphorically, when you consider the industry. It’s also the concept of the show, giving these bands a chance to play in the same league as the so called kpop royalty.

It like the Boyz were on a show called Road to Kingdom and decided to make it literal.

First performance: Hwarang/ Sword of Victory

I think no one could've imagined what was to come when they made this performance. It was meant as an intro to the group so it was short and impressive and I’d say that it sort of set the style of their performance but not yet the general concept that has developed over the show.

Also I just learned that hwarangs were entertainers before they became a legion of warriors and later an institution, so they're basically old-timey boy groups turned soldiers.

How quaint when you consider the later performances.

Second performance: Danger

This is where it all started I guess. They went with the thieving concept of the song, decided to take inspiration from their first performance and bam now they’re stealing crowns and climbing walls.

Third performance: Reveal (Catching Fire)

So obviously referencing the Hunger Games which is a survival game but essentially a story of revolution.

Fourth performance: Heroine

This one's a bit different since it's a collab but yeah the whole performance is basically a person's journey to center stage, which is usually occupied by the winners/royalties.

Fifth performance: Quasi una fantasia

This one didn't look like it was going to fit the narrative with it being so ethereal and so hopeful, what with the branch slowly blooming, like a good thing coming to fruition, but this is the euphoria after you've made it and they sort of tell you in the title that yes this is basically a fantasy.

Final performance: Checkmate

This one is fucking insane okay? They start off with a deja vu: Yonghoon's with the hypnotizing watch again and you notice the blooming tree in the background but there's something uncanny and the watch stops, you get flashbacks of Juyeon taking down the king, wearing his crown, Q stealing the crown, stealthily sliding and passing it on to Sunwoo who seems like he's finally going to ascend to the throne and next thing you know he's falling and waking from a bad dream…

At this point I was already cursing and gasping and having a heart attack and they haven't even started singing. And it's like everything they've done so far was just a dream, the game is on let's start all over again.

And isn't it exactly like that? Because a game of thrones (though not explicitly referenced) is exactly just that: a game. You come to power but how long is that going to last? Sunwoo’s (literal) fall from power lasted a breath. You win first place on a music chart this week, you start all over again next week. And The Boyz would know that, having spent the the first weeks on top, but it only took a single performance in one episode for them to drop to third place.

And the chess concept is PERFECT. Chess is a game of war and strategy and the big picture and that's all they've been doing on this show: they've stolen, tricked, rebelled, and dreamed before they finally checkmate. All these performances make up one big picture and I don't know if they've planned this from the start but it’s fucking genius.

The Boyz are so good at coming with a concept and sticking with it, they make a song called checkmate and whoa they have a chess concept now, they have black and white costumes, dancers dressed as pawns, chess board effect and choreo, chess piece props… Which all seemed like obvious artistic choices but there's always MORE.

Like can we talk about that fucking table? I was like 'where did they find a three-way chess table omg it's gorgeous' and then someone's dancing on it and you see the glass tube thingy under the table and MOTHERFUCKER ITS A FUCKING CHESS HOURGLASS

Also for someone to be able to dance on it they flipped the table upside down and it's either like turning back time (rewind sound effect at the beginning) or starting all over again, but also I was like 'huh the tables have turned' and then 'OH FUCK OFF'

And it's all in the details in the performances, the small things that they reference, the same imagery that comes back again and again, every time I rewatch a performance I notice something I didn't before.

There’s the flower, something that's fragile and fleetingly beautiful, also the 'hwa' in hwarang. The moon, which is always changing, like an illusion, the full moon referenced in Reveal, which originally had a werewolf-y concept.

The fire, the sword, all associated with war and power. Even the tricks and optical illusions. The chess, the crown, the king. Everything came together so perfectly in that final performance and wrap up so nicely like HOW IS THAT SHIT EVEN REAL

I love how they have all the names of the song in the title cards (Thieves, Reveal, Paradise, Checkmate) and I’ve been thinking about the lyrics 'the show must go on' and 'the game starts again' and how Sisyphean it all is.

And it's almost like in the end they understand how futile the pursuit of power is but is still pushed by their drive to thrive for better, and in the end they realize being king isn't winning the game. Chess isn't about being king, you don't have to be king to win the game.

Their final card says 'As long as the moon shines, the king of all games is the Boyz'. They don't say 'we're the king' they say 'we're the king of all games'. It’s like 'yeah we're good at this and we're ready to go at it again' be it the hunger games, a game of thrones, or a game of chess.

DAMN THESE PHILOSOPHICAL REBELLIOUS BOYZ

These performances are inspiring and stimulating on so many levels, I mean yeah, the concept is mind-blowing, and of course the performances are just (literally) breathtaking but we haven't even talked about the technicalities.

Yes, I know these performances are great but more importantly I love how self-aware they are. They really seized the opportunity to do the kind of performance that they couldn't be possibly allowed to do anywhere else.

You can hardly do these things for a live audience, since so much rely on the camera work. You can't do this on music shows or music awards where people only care about the more famous groups.

And while these performances were created with the camera in mind, they still make the watching experience so incredibly live by making the performances so risky, upping the stakes to insane levels, and I don't just mean having to catch flying weapons or falling members, but like having a crazy domino choreography where one member's misplaced limb could ruin the whole shot, or using cool props and tricks that could so easily go wrong.

Like the branch that Juyeon was so upset about? The whole trick relied on everyone doing the right thing with the right prop at the right time right place TWICE all the while making it look effortless and seamless.

Can you imagine what kind of crazy you have to be to come up with that?

I personally think that mistake was a perfect imperfection when you look at the whole picture: something not quite right in this otherwise perfect dream that proved to be a mere fantasy, too good to be true.  

Watching the Boyz on Road to Kingdom was pure delight, and for people like me who get off on the thrill of live experience, performances like these are SUCH A TURN ON. And as a writer I'm just a sucker for conceptual plots, unexpected twists and experimenting with structures.

I’m currently torn by a mix of feelings: excitement for Kingdom, anxiety about the safety of the performers, dread of the inevitable end of the show. It kills me a little to think that we'll probably not see this kind of performances as much. That they don't get to perform like this again: go all out and not just tell a story but a fucking epic that will make Bertolt Brecht cry.

I hope they get their own comeback specials or that the company does like OK Go and makes all these crazy fun performance music videos. At this point I don't even know how to organize my thoughts to express my love for the creative team behind the productions, like someone there's got imagination to spare and I want to pick their brains so bad.

I didn’t know anything about this group before my sister showed me their Danger performance clip, and I’m 98% sure I’d never have discovered this group have they not gone on RTK but holy fuck am I glad that this happened because this is probably one of the best things that came out in 2020, making this disaster of a year almost bearable.  

So yeah, that's what I thought about the Boyz performances. Thank you for coming to my ted talk or whatevs

Also I have a second theory that the whole season is just Sunwoo getting over his fear of heights through exposure therapy.

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: January 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of January 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Once again, we knew that Donald Trump wasn’t going to take losing well, but when a legion of his most boneheaded supporters storm the Capitol demanding the election result be overturned because a certain thin-skinned orange gobshite had spent several weeks screaming about electoral fraud and, by the way, also set the date of January 6th for some major event, even Mike Pence couldn’t sanction his buffoonery any longer - especially when said buffoonery involved him saying “I love you” to people who were guilty of sedition and, by the way, murder - all of which led to him finally, finally, getting the boot from various social media platforms

...all while Lauren Boebert appeared to be trying to help out the insurrectionists by livetweeting the location of Nancy Pelosi, presumably because Boebert forgot about that Glock she claims to take to work with her every day and was looking for a convenient meat shield, which naturally has nothing to do with her tweeting the day would be like 1776 earlier that morning

...but the real victim in all of this was Melania Trump as it interrupted a photo shoot she was doing, which she somehow thought it was a good idea to mention several days later in a statement riddled with two opinions: “both sides” and “me, me, me” which shows she didn’t realise the optics of rearranging the china as Washington burned around her

...but according to Laura Kuenssberg it was merely a “scuffle” at Congress, as opposed to an organised group attempting to stage an armed insurrection against the government complete with at least one member carrying zip ties

...and finally, we had Ian Austin reminded us that he’s still alive by saying the exact same thing would have happened in the UK with Jeremy Corbyn supporters storming parliament, as if that happened in the four years Corbyn was wishing Austin would go away, then did go away, but sadly didn’t go away

Once again the Tory government think they know better than virologists, epidemiologists and pharmacists with their one-two punch of thinking they can just mix and match the various vaccines available rather than give people two doses of the same vaccine, but they further weaken any chance of vaccination succeeding by ignoring Pfizer’s recommendation the second dose be given within three weeks of the first by adopting a policy of the second dose is given three months later, and it it’s just as likely to be the less effective but cheaper Oxford vaccine they get a dose of

...swiftly followed by the BBC did their bit to encourage people to get vaccinated by reporting a story of a nurse getting a dose of Covid six weeks after her first vaccination jab not by reporting how she was three weeks overdue for the second dose (or, if you prefer, six weeks before her second one) but simply saying that people vaccinated can get Covid, which goes beyond the BBC’s sociopathic inability to criticise Tory fuckups into being downright fucking dangerous - as does their putting sentient testicle Toby Young on Newsnight to say how we’re all overreacting as it's not as bad as all that

Of all the things proven liar Boris Johnson should have said when the UK’s Covid death toll officially passed 100,000 (as opposed to unofficially, which would have been last December), “We have done our best” was not it, because if their best includes not going into lockdown in order to protect landlords, having Dominic Cummings dictate herd immunity in spite the fact that you need vaccinated people for it to work, refusing to have quarantine at airports until July, thinking it would be a bright idea to tell people it’s their patriotic duty to go to the pub, giving them £10 vouchers to go to restaurants, putting children going back to school ahead of any concerns about every single school could become a petri dish and countless other horrifically mismanaged instances, then we should be kept up at night dreading what their worst would be

The fact that Chartwells were given a contract to provide free school dinners with a budget of £30, and the supposed lunches that arrived had £5 worth of food in them which begged the obvious question where the other £25 went, is appalling - but not surprising, as the Tory government gave them the contract and, equally unsurprising, Chartwells was founded by a Tory donor, and equally unsurprising their response to their grift being exposed was to tell all the public school clients they cater to a pack of lies while hoping nobody found out about them doing so...which worked about as well as you can guess

Something possessed the EU to ramp up the row over the AstraZenica vaccine not passing the rigorous tests for over-65s by threatening to trigger Article 16 and limit the number of vaccines that Northern Ireland received, and that something was it was hopelessly misguided as it allowed the Tories to get their hapless response to the pandemic off the front pages for a few days and let the Leave headbangers say this is why we left the EU...in spite this threat would have never been in play if we were still in the EU

There is no way to make jokes about Kellyanne Conway posting what was, in effect, revenge porn photos of her 16-year old daughter, because that sentence is so far out there that it is borderline incomprehensible

In the space of less than twenty seconds proven liar Boris Johnson claimed that there was no prior warning of the new strain of Covid, he had the SAGE paper stating it was coming which was handed to him last September held up in his face, and then said the government acted accordingly.  Yes, you read that right, he claimed the government acted accordingly to something they had no prior warning about, which is literally impossible, all in the space of ten seconds

In the latest hire by the BBC which is cause for both comment and concern, they announced their new chairman would be Tory donor Richard Sharp, whose credentials for the position are being Rishi Sunak’s ex-boss at Goldman Sachs, donating at least £400,000 to the Tory party, and having no background in journalism whatsoever

Smirking bully Priti Patel said that the UK should have closed its borders in March 2020 in order to prevent the spread of Covid.  Presumably she forgot that she was a.) Home Secretary in Marsh 2020 so could have done that, and b.) Home Secretary when she said that the borders should have been closed as that indicates she doesn’t know what’s going on

The terrifying world which Alison Pearson lives in has now started to cross over into our reality due to her responding to one of the four people she hasn’t blocked on Twitter calling her what she is - namely a liar - by siccing the Torygraph’s lawyers on them claiming libel, doing the usual cry bully tactic of learning the person she is harassing works for GlaxoSmithKline so promptly went to their CEO demanding he be fired, and howling about the hate campaign being waged against her - while telling the person, who was saying he was thinking suicidal thoughts after the pile-on that Pearson had instigated even after he had deleted the tweet and apologised , that “You’re finished”

Someday in the future, scholars will study Ted Cruz responding to Biden rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement within hours of getting his feet under the Oval Office desk by pontificating about how terrible it is that Biden is more interested in the citizens of Paris than the jobless of Pittsburgh and wonder just how somebody who doesn't know why the Paris Climate Agreement was named the Paris Climate Agreement ever got to be a senator

...and judging by how Lauren Boebert also latched onto this brainless rhetoric, not only can it be asked how she got to be a senator when she had the opportunity to actually realise Cruz’s mistake, she also begs the question how she can be a senator after her publicly trying to use Nancy Pelosi as a meat shield during the Capitol riots

Unifying force Keir Starmer stated that Labour should be devoting their time to fighting the Tory government rather than fighting court cases, somehow forgetting that by breaking the guidelines of the EHRC report (which he pledged to follow without question months before it was published) is the reason that they’re fighting court cases, and just so happens to be the reason why people are asking how a meeting attended by Starmer, Angela Rayner, Len McCluskey and others either didn't have a single person taking notes, which is David Evans’ entire defence, or they did take notes by quite conveniently lost them

Oh boy, did Wall Street cheerleaders not take it well when r/WallStreetbets exposed to the entire world that the stock market is little more than a game people play with other people’s money - because the teams the Wall Street cheerleaders support started losing, and all it took was a few Redditors investing in Gamestop and Bed Bath & Beyond 

Nice of Shaun Bailey to remind everyone that he’s a Tory by giving his suggestion for how the homeless could get on the property ladder, namely by saving a minimum of £5000

Clearly Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t get the memo about the Streisand Effect, as the first thing she did after taking her seat in the House of Representatives was go on a mass deleting spree of Facebook posts - which only served to draw attention to her video saying that Nancy Pelosi be executed for treason, her track record of spreading conspiracy theories about the Parkland and Sandy Hook shootings, and her claims that a Jewish space laser is responsible for the 2018 California wildfires

Insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips got her 2021 off to a good start by tweeting out that, as Britait has happened, we should shut up and accept it.  To the surprise of nobody other than insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips, this led to a lot of people saying that, no, they will not accept an advisory referendum somehow being bolted onto the Ten Commandments, especially as numerous things that were promised wouldn’t happen such as a border in the Irish Sea, leaving Erasmus, losing freedom of movement, leaving the Common Market have all happened

It is wrong to say that smirking bully Priti Patel has lost 150,000 police files.  The actual figure is closer to 400,000 - which begs the obvious question as to what those files were, for example if those files also happened to fall under the same category as the ones that 55-year old ex-minister Mark Francois might want to have disappear for the sake of convenience

At last CD Projekt Red took some responsibility for Clusterpunk 2077 being such a cyberfuck...if by “taking responsibility” you mean “taking responsibility, dumping it all on the QA testers, and saying that everyone should blame them for everything” - and then with perfect comedic timing CD Projekt Red released an update for Clusterpunk 2077 that was so broken they had to release a hotfix for their broken patch

Expenses-fiddler Robert Jenrick decided that the most important thing to protect in the United Kingdom at this exact moment in time is...statues.  Not key workers, not the vulnerable, not any human life at all.  Statues.

So either Rafael Behr wrote a column for The Guardian where he tried to blame Jeremy Corbyn for his heart attack which saw Guardian higher-ups remove that passage from their print edition but forgot to remove it from the online version of the article, or The Guardian deliberately left the passage in the online version of the column in order to get some form of engagement from rage clicks while allowing Behr to act as if he is suffering some great injustice

Of course it wouldn’t take long for Steve Baker to try and claim some spurious victory for Britait, namely him claiming that tampon tax he spent so long fighting against being abolished is proof of the sunlit uplands of our post-EU nation...which ignores the fact that a.) It had nothing to do with the EU in the first place, and b.) The fact that Baker voted to keep it in place in a 2015 Commons vote

Employer of the year WWE went for an interesting twofer, as one minute they were proudly stating that WrestleMania would go ahead with a prospective 30,000 in attendance without any concerns for social distancing or any other Covid preventative measures, and the next telling the wrestlers on their roster that they would not be supplying them with Covid vaccines at the exact same time the NBA were floating the idea of providing vaccines for all their players

Make no mistake, the criticism that Erik Lamela, Sergio Reguilon, Giovani Lo Celso and Manuel Lanzini have received due to the four of them flouting lockdown regulations to attend a New Year’s party is justified - however, the fact that Duncan Castles tried to chase a headline by claiming that Lo Celso and Lamela had tested positive for Covid in a swiftly-deleted tweet is a new low for the noted barrel scraping rumour monger

Self-awareness sceptic Laurence Fox was entirely predictable in his response to the news that talkRADIO had been booted from Youtube for repeated violations of their ToS, specifically the part about spreading Covid misinformation, screaming the usual things about being “cancelled” - and then, within hours, responded to the BBC announcing a plan of educational programming to help during Lockdown III by saying he will be shielding his children from being “indoctrinated” by the BBC’s “left-wing bias” - which not only means he’s cancelling the BBC, but also had people remember that Billie Piper has custody of his children so it's not like he can even enforce his rules on what his children can and cannot watch

...by the way, Fox said nothing about Lord Sumption appearing on the BBC’s Question Time (the same show where failed actor on the grift Laurence Fox announced his new career as a clueless right wing irritant) where he told a woman with bowel cancer that her life wasn’t valuable, it was merely less valuable as she has less life left.  Yes, that is eugenics getting free airtime on the BBC, thanks for noticing

Somehow the best choice of words the BBC could find when reporting the death of Phil Spector was “talented but flawed” as if murder is some character flaw instead of, oh I don’t know, a criminal activity?

You would have thought that Twitch would have simply retired the PogChamp emote permanently in the wake of Gootecks going all insurrectionist, but no, instead they thought of having a rotating cycle of emotes of various creators, in spite of those creators telling them this would be a bad idea - and those creators were proven right when Critical bard was inundated with racist and homophobic abuse in his chat that led him to close his social media profiles when he was selected for rotation, with Twitch doing fuck all about it

Fashion editor no matter what she claims she is Hadley Freeman had a really clever take about The Sopranos...actually, no she didn’t, she had an absurd belief that it’s the exact same show as Sex in the City but people overlook it Because Misogyny, and when she was lambasted for missing the point so badly she had noted dipshit David Baddiel rushing in to her rescue to mock those getting “triggered” by her insipid take while saying he never liked The Sopranos because, as he isn't an Italian-American mobster, the show did not speak to him - in other words, he made himself a subject of equal mockery

...but there was no sign of Baddiel when Hadley Freeman then jumped on the BidenErasedWomen bandwagon alongside the TERFs of Twitter as soon as Biden got his feet under the desk, which also happened to show hard centrist extremist Freeman say how she thought Trump did far more for women than Biden ever has, which as takes go is so bad that the best explanation is that she briefly forgot the difference between the words “for” and “to”, before she then deleted the tweet and tried to deny ever posting it with increasingly nonsensical explanations that rapidly looked uncannily like gaslighting

...although David Baddiel wasn’t quite done being a bellend, as he was soon yukking it up with professional victim Rachel Riley about his latest book which accuses the entire progressive left of antisemitism

The oppressed underclass known as Manchester United fans really showed their colours, first by responding to a loss to Sheffield United by sending racial abuse to Axel Tuanzebe and Anthony Martial on social media, and a couple of weeks later responded to a draw with Arsenal by sending racial abuse to Marcus Rashford, because apparently when your team drops points the most important thing is to look for which member of your team you can racially abuse

And finally, oh so finally, we have Donald Trump and his discovery of electoral fraud at last - electoral fraud that consisted of Donald Trump calling Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger demanding he change the result and all he needs is Raffensperger to “find” 11,780 votes while also saying that he had proof of vote-counting machines being removed early...and when told they were still in Georgia, changed his lie to say the inner workings had been removed without anyone noticing.  By the way, the only reason anyone knows about this is because Raffensperger told Trump that he wouldn’t release the call to the public if Trump didn't say anything about it - so, of course, the Orange Overlord took to twitter, ran his mouth, and the Washington Post had one hell of an exclusive as a result

[anistarrose]

Fear The Reaper A Lot, Actually - Chapter 4

AO3

Chapter Summary: An unlikely friendship springs from a book club, while secrecy becomes more important than ever for Tres Horny Boys. Kravitz receives a summons. Angus does a hit.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Don't let the Lunar Interlude-esque setting confuse you — this update's a long boi! If you can't already tell how much I love Angus McDonald, then the next few thousand words should make it pretty clear.

***

Some days, Kravitz found paperwork relaxing. Today was not such a day.

The Raven Queen was almost always receptive to his suggestions about how to restructure the forms, and happy to do what she could to minimize the bureaucracy and tedium inherent to almost any other office job. But today, Kravitz’s unbeating heart just wasn’t in his work — just like yesterday, after he’d returned from Wave Echo Cave.

So it was simultaneously a relief and a surprise when a blue glow flashed in his peripheral vision, and he felt the telltale tug of a summons from the Material Plane, specifically…

“The moon?” he muttered out loud. “What is with these people and ridiculous floating secret bases?”

The pull of the summoning spell was designedly weak, and easy for Kravitz to shrug off if needed — but he wasn’t going to pass up an excuse to get out of the office, and try to part ways with Taako on a better note this time. Maybe he could ask around, find out if anyone knew what Lucas and Noelle were up to…

In a cozy bedroom on the moon, a hissing plume of smoke emanated from a sapphire arrowhead, embedded in the soil of a potted plant. As the smoke solidified, Kravitz’s human form took shape, and instinctively scanned his new surroundings for dangers or necromantic abominations.

Two floor-two-ceiling bookshelves were stuffed with novels and encyclopedias, and glow-in-the-dark stars covered the ceiling. The bed was neatly made, but was so small it couldn’t have accommodated anyone larger than a gnome, or a halfling… or a human child.

“Hello again, Mister Grim Reaper,” said Angus. He sat on a tiny wooden chair, pen in hand and notebook open to a fresh page. “I’ve got a number of questions for you.”

Kravitz plucked the arrow from the potted plant, and the electric blue glow of the sapphire faded. “Does Taako know you have this?”

“Nope. But if he did, he’d probably endorse me breaking the spirit of the law, if not the letter — after all, you never said that only Taako could summon you this way.”

Kravitz holds up his hands. “I didn’t mean to sound accusatory. I was just… expecting to meet with Taako today, so this surprised me. But I’d be happy to answer your questions — provided they don’t take more than an hour or so.”

Angus narrowed his eyes. “Will you answer me honestly?”

Seeing no reason to lie to even the most precocious of ten-year-olds, Kravitz declared: “I swear to answer truthfully upon my oath to the Raven Queen.”

“Then tell me — why are you so nice?”

“Pardon?”

Angus glared at him. “You know exactly what I mean — why are you so helpful? You tried to reap my friends’ souls, and told them they that could only save themselves by accomplishing an impossible task! But then, you — you saved them yesterday, and even healed them! What are you playing at?!”

Immensely grateful that he’d set the terms on his own honesty oath, Kravitz told the truth with a few details omitted. “I helped them because they seemed like nicer people than most of the bounties I hunt — and in that strange sort of ‘begrudging respect’ way, I guess I’m growing fond of them.” Taako even moreso than the others.

“If you were really fond of them, you wouldn’t be trying to kill them in the first place,” Angus muttered, lowering his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” Kravitz told him, and that too was the truth. “It’s just what my job demands —”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have gotten into this line of business!” Angus screamed, wiping tears from his eyes. “In two months, I’m gonna lose three of the closest people I have to family, and it’ll all be because I’m just a kid detective who can’t track down a couple of liches — but it’ll also be because of you! I hate you, and I hate everything you stand for!”

Angus’s fist sunk harmlessly into Kravitz’s raven-feather cloak, but he staggered backwards like he’d punched a brick wall, falling to his knees and taking off his glasses to sob — but against his better judgement, Kravitz kneeled down at Angus’s side.

“Don’t count out Taako and the others just yet,” he whispered. “I’ve seen them do miraculous things — escaping from me in the laboratory, for one thing, and banishing Legion, for another. If they can defeat thousands of unruly undead souls in combat like that, then they might just be worthy opponents for even the most crafty and powerful of liches.”

“You’re sure they’ll be okay?” Angus sniffed.

“No,” Kravitz admitted. “I’m not sure. I wish I could be, because I really don’t want to send them to the Astral Plane. But they’ve got help — not just your smarts, but my scythe as well, because I don’t intend to just stand idly by without giving them a fighting chance. I… truthfully, Angus, when I offered them the deal, I wanted to bring an end to the headache they’d given me by any means necessary. But they’ve earned my respect since then, and though the deal can’t be undone, there’s no rule stopping me from aiding them. I don’t want to reap their souls if there’s any way I can avoid it, any excuse or loophole.”

Angus rubbed his nose. “Do you — do you normally like reaping people’s souls?”

Kravitz took a moment to think about his answer. “I was a human like you, once. Alive, and precocious, and always getting in over my head. When I died, and started serving the Raven Queen as a reaper, I felt like I had discovered my life’s purpose, even though it ironically required becoming undead as a prerequisite. My duty is to keep the balance of the universe — to save lives by stopping liches, necromancers, and their foul servants from upsetting that balance — but I remember what it felt like to be mortal, to have mortal loved ones. So… I don’t enjoy watching people grieve, because it feels all too familiar.”

He sat down, and crossed his legs. “I don’t tell a lot of people about this, but in a way, if I’d come to terms with death and grieved more quietly when I was alive… well, let’s just say I probably wouldn’t be a reaper today.”

Angus managed a smile. “You know, you’re nothing like the Grim Reaper in the Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop books.”

“Oh? I know there are… a variety of misconceptions about me floating around in the world, but I haven’t read that series. Are they detective stories?”

“They’re the world’s greatest detective stories,” Angus declared, “and I own every installment!” For the first time since his ill-fated attempt to punch Kravitz, he stood up, and selected a book from his bookshelf. “This is the first one that you — well, not really you — show up in.”

Kravitz took a look at the cover illustration, which featured a child in a deerstalker hat standing back to back with a deathly pale man, dressed in tattered gray robes and wielding an iron scythe. The title read Caleb Cleveland and the Mask of Death.

“Not much of a resemblance, is there?” Kravitz mused. “I guess can’t fault them for the iron scythe, because that’s what everyone seems to expect, but iron and celestial magic don’t always get along — better than iron and fae magic for sure, but still not especially well.”

“His personality isn’t a whole lot like yours either, sir,” Angus sheepishly admitted. “This is the start of the five-book Grim Reaper arc, which starts off with the reaper helping Caleb solve murder mysteries until Caleb’s previously-struggling private detective agency — which he started after his schism with the corrupt police establishment in the last book — is renowned throughout the country. But then Caleb realizes that the reaper is just trying to bring about an era of prosperity and increased population density, so that he can kill the maximum number of people possible while poisoning the water supply! And of course Caleb disavows his partnership with Death, but the reaper spends the next four installments of the arc committing more murders as revenge — which initially felt like a little bit of a motivation downgrade, if I’m being honest, but it also led to some great continuity between books as well as some really well-written horror that unsettles without pulling on cheap shock value! So they turned out to be some of my favorite books in the series, and… I’m sorry if I judged you a little hastily because of them. You’re a whole lot nicer than the Grim Reaper I expected.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You’re hardly the first person to misjudge me for my line of work, and I don’t expect you to be the last.” Kravitz flipped through the book, which was full of underlined words and fan theories neatly written in the margins. “Actually, do you mind if I borrow this? I’ve always loved mystery novels.”

“You really want to read it?” Angus’s eyes lit up. “Uh, well, I should probably start by giving you the first book in the series, otherwise a lot of callbacks to previous adventures won’t make sense. But I guess I did kind of just spoil the whole plot of Books 21 through —”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kravitz assured him with a smile. “And I think I will take Book 1 to start out, please.”

“Alrighty, then!” Angus selected a well-worn book from his shelf and handed it to Kravitz. “Could you, um… let me know what you think of it when you finish reading?”

“I absolutely can. Oh, and Angus?”

“Yes?”

“You sound like a marvelous detective. If anyone can crack the case of these liches, I believe it’ll be you — but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t, alright? That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, and you’re a growing kid — you need your rest.”

Angus nodded. “I’ll try to remember that, sir.”

***

Angus gave directions to the three Reclaimers’ shared dorm, but didn’t specify which individual room was Taako’s, so on a hunch, Kravitz knocked on the door of the room that smelled the most like baked goods. Sure enough, he heard Taako shout “It’s unlocked!” over the banging of bowls and cookie sheets.

“You need to look after your arrows better,” Kravitz warned him as he entered. “If someone with more malicious intentions than Angus were to steal one, then they could easily lure me into a trap.”

Taako blinked. “Whoa, what happened to your accent? I thought you were a stranger and almost chucked a bowl of gingersnap dough at your head!”

Kravitz narrowed his eyes. “Did you really? You look like you’ve got a pretty firm grip on it, there.”

“No, you called my bluff. I’m too good of a chef to just go chucking perfectly good food whenever someone spooks me — the point is, what is up with your voice, my dude?”

“It’s, um… a work accent,” Kravitz explained. “My normal voice isn’t that intimidating. As you can tell, heh.”

“Still wouldn’t want you to slice me up with a scythe, though. You gotta give yourself more credit.” Taako rolled a small handful of gingersnap dough into a ball, dusting it with sugar and placing it in the corner of a fresh cookie sheet. “And to answer your complaint earlier, Angus wasn’t as slick as he thought he was when he swiped that arrow, but I let him get away with it ‘cause I knew neither of you two dorks would try to fight each other or anything like that.”

“He actually did want to fight me for a minute or two,” Kravitz replied, “but we worked it out and now we’re apparently… book club buddies? I’m not sure, I’m no good with kids — or maybe I’m better with kids than I’m consciously aware of?”

Taako snorted. “I didn’t endear myself to little Ango at first either, but now I guess I’m his hero, and his teacher, and maybe even his emotionally adopted uncle or something? There’s just something magical about that kid.”

“Absolutely, but… he seemed stressed.” Kravitz sighed, and Taako’s expression softened. “I suppose this is partly my fault, but there’s an awful lot of pressure on him.”

“Yeah, he — he doesn’t find it so funny when me an’ the boys joke about death, I’ve been noticing. I’ll make sure he takes some time off the case to relax — you think that would help him?”

“I think that would be a good place to start.” Kravitz nodded, glancing over the sheets of oatmeal cookies cooling on the adjacent counter. “You look like you’ve been keeping busy yourself.”

“Yeah, the Director was so thrilled with my Candlenights macarons that she requested a couple batches of oatmeal-white chocolate and some gingersnaps. Guess she read my cookbook or something — ‘cause my whole cookie portfolio is choice, don’t get me wrong, but those are a couple of my top-tier baked goods after the macarons.”

“They smell heavenly — and I should know, working in the Astral Plane! Do you mind if I try one?”

“Wait!” Taako pushed Kravitz’s hand away from the tray. “I didn’t check them for — hang on, you’re already dead, right? You know what, go for it. Sorry about that.” Under his breath, he added: “It’ll be fine. Perfectly fine.”

Confused and a little concerned, but too polite to decline Taako’s offer, Kravitz took a bite of an oatmeal cookie. It was still slightly warm, and the white chocolate melted in his mouth, but he couldn’t imagine it being any less of a delight after having cooled, either.

“So, how many of these does your boss actually want,” asked Kravitz, “and how many can I take back home? They’re just as good as they smell!”

“Course they are,” Taako snickered. “Gimme a few minutes here, and I’ll make you a little gift baggie.”

“Speaking of gifts, that reminds me —” From an inside pocket of his cloak, Kravitz procured four new summoning arrows. “I spoke with the Raven Queen, and was able to arrange an exception to that… company policy, the one about summoning me for business only.”

Taako didn’t look away from his cookie sheet, but his ears immediately perked up.

“You can use them outside of emergency situations — within reason, of course,” Kravitz continued. “I don’t want to manifest in the middle of, I don’t know, a heated debate about moon bylaws, or whatever it is that you people vote on up here.”

“Actually, it turns out moon society is kinda authoritarian.” Taako finished filling the first sheet with gingersnap dough, and began work on a second. “But be honest — how much of this was actually premediated on your part, and how much is just a spur of the moment decision now that you know I’ll give you free baked goods?”

“It was premediated, but make no mistake, the baked goods are a bonus,” Kravitz chuckled. He neglected to mention that there had been no company policy in the first place, nor had there been a conversation with the Raven Queen. Part of him just wanted to give Taako his Stone of Farspeech number like he had with Angus, and bid farewell to the archaic summoning rituals altogether, but it would still be handing over personal information to an active bounty, and there were some lines even Kravitz didn’t dare cross — at least, not yet. “But as good as it is to be able to keep in touch with you, there’s something I should probably warn you about sooner rather than later.”

“Fire away.”

“I assume you were looking for Lup in Wave Echo Cave the other day. But that didn’t unveil many clues to you, did it?”

“Unveil? No matter you and Angus are starting a book club, you speak in the same detective mambo-jumbo. But you’re right, we found zilch.”

“Are you going to start looking for Barry Bluejeans next, by any chance?”

Taako made a funny expression. “Yeah, I guess that’s the plan. But, well, we also agreed that the plan should be to stay on the moon to rest and train for a couple days — ‘cause Magnus has been a bad influence, and we all rushed into the cave expedition just a day after we almost died averting the crystal apocalypse. You saw how that worked out for us.”

Kravitz nodded. “Today is the first day I’ve actually seen you without bags under your eyes. It suits you.” The last part slipped out without Kravitz thinking it through, but it prompted a wink from Taako, which Kravitz considered among the better possible outcomes of impromptu flirting.

“But getting back on topic,” he continued, “I wanted to warn you about Barry. I’ve encountered him a number of times, and he’s not exactly a normal lich.”

Taako sat down on a stool and crossed his legs. “Well, you dunno what my reference point is for liches. He could be a totally regular, run-of-the-mill lich by my standards — maybe a little spooky, but nothin’ to write home about, you know?”

“Then you’d be consorting with some pretty strange liches, because Barry is a very confusing one. Most liches are either antisocial or obsessed with grim monologues, but Barry has held a handful of coherent brief conversations with me — all of which started out weirdly normal, until he started rambling nonsense about the planar system with a genuinely unsettling amount of conviction.”

“Oh, those liches,” Taako muttered, nodding along. “Always saying the darndest things.”

“I feel like you’re not taking this as seriously as you could.” Kravitz narrowed his eyes. “To be fair, I’ve never seen Barry hurt innocent mortals, which is another way he differs from essentially all other liches — but that doesn’t mean that he’s not a threat, especially if you’re hunting him down. After all, there’s a reason I’ve spoken to him several times, but never successfully captured him.”

Kravitz thought back to one of his first and most troubling encounters with Barry, about a year after the end of the Relic Wars. They’d crossed paths by accident, in a seaside town recently demolished by a serpent of the Oculus’s creation, and Barry had exploited the shambles of the port to his advantage, hurling fishing nets and tattered sails at Kravitz as he made his escape.

“You can’t run from justice forever, Bluejeans!” Kravitz had shouted, slicing through a weighted net with his scythe. “Your kind all wind up in the Eternal Stockade eventually!”

“I’ve spent decades bracing myself for the end of apparent eternity and the exhaustion of apparent infinity,” Barry had replied matter-of-factly. “If your prison could really stay intact until the end of time, then I’d be happy to hunker down there with everyone I love and wait for this storm to blow over.”

With a flick of a spectral hand, he’d flung a half-dozen crates of rotten fish at Kravitz’s head. “But you don’t see me handing my soul over without a fight, so… I guess that should tell you everything I think about your so-called ‘eternal’ stockade.”

Kravitz had easily dodged the crates, but stepped right into the epicenter of the geyser that erupted from beneath the dock a moment later, launching him into the air. By the time he’d flown back down to sea level, Barry had been long gone.

“You know, if he still seems pretty chill for a lich,” Taako mused, dragging Kravitz back to the present, “and he’s harmless except for when you try to capture him, then… why are you still trying to capture him? Why not just let him do his thing?”

Kravitz sighed. “That’s a good question, and I’m honestly curious… why do you think I haven’t given up on him?”

“Well… ‘cause liches are illegal, right? Is this a trick question?”

“That’s the answer I was expecting, and you’re not wrong — but that’s not the entire story, either,” Kravitz told him. “I also don’t want to leave Barry to ‘do his thing,’ as you put it, because I don’t know what ‘his thing’ entails. I’ve heard him allude to needing something specific out of undeath, but I don’t know what that is — if it’s immortality, or power, or something else altogether. I don’t know if he’s just putting on a harmless facade while he waits for me to let my guard down.”

Taako nodded. “You think he’s planning something.”

“I know he’s planning something. Most liches, they’re unpredictable because the combination of undeath and their hunger for power has eroded their sense of logic and driven them insane. And at first, I thought this was the one thing Barry had in common with them — with his nonsensical grim warnings, and haphazard pattern of popping up in the last places I expect — but over the past decade of hunting him, I’ve gradually realized he isn’t insane at all. He just bases his decisions off of information that no one else in the universe seems to possess, and constructs plans that no one else in the world understands. He’s unpredictable, but not irrational — and coming from a spellcaster as powerful as he is, that honestly terrifies me.”

Taako whistled. “Guess we’ve really got our work cut out for us, then.”

“I’ll leave you with this: please, if you track Barry Bluejeans down but he seems civil, and reasonable, and harmless, you still cannot and should not trust him, no matter what he tells you. With liches, even abnormal ones, you can’t risk anything less than constant vigilance. Take it from someone who learned it the hard way centuries ago, and has been significantly better at his job ever since.”

“Aww, you’re worried about us,” Taako snickered as he placed the gingersnaps in the oven. “But I read you loud and clear — you don’t need to worry about me falling for a lich’s tricks, of course, but I’ll remind the other two goofuses to be careful.”

He frowned, closing the oven door. “Although, now that I think about it… what does Barry even look like as a lich? I don’t actually know what we should be searching for, but I’m assuming it’s not a normal-ass dude in jeans.”

“Oh, you can’t miss him. Most necromancers spring for black or gray robes, but his is bright red.”

Taako’s eyes went wide. “You know those grim warnings you mentioned him giving? Would they happen to be about, uh, the hunger of all living things?”

“You’ve met his lich form, too?” Kravitz slapped his forehead. “Were you also the best man at his wedding? Do you golf with him on Saturdays?”

“Man,” Taako muttered, “I am so glad we decided not to tell the Director about this.”

***

Angus found Noelle in the Bureau’s gym, dumping a cooler of water on her teammates as they finished an intense workout. On the other side of the room, Avi was thoroughly demolishing Brad Bradson at an impromptu game of half-court basketball, and a small but rowdy crowd had gathered to watch.

“Not gonna lie, I’d kill to be a tireless cyborg like you, Noelle,” Carey groaned, overdramatically collapsing into Killian’s arms. “I’m exhausted.”

“I dunno. If training didn’t make my arms ache, then I don’t think it would be half as satisfying,” Killian replied, wiping her brow. “Although some laser eyes to pair with my crossbow might be pretty kickass.”

“I’m enjoying the whole swappable body parts thing more than I thought I would,” Noelle said. “At first I was worried I’d accidentally fry a whole bunch of people with my arm cannon, but it turns out I can just take it off for non-violent occasions!”

“Hey, Angus!” Carey called out, waving to him. “Got any strong opinions about cyborgs and integrating technology into our bodies?”

“Um, I was actually just here to ask Noelle a few questions. Is this not a good time?”

Noelle shrugged. “Well, we just finished training for the day, so I don’t see why not.”

Angus beamed. “Great! But do you mind if we conduct the interview somewhere… a little quieter than this gym?”

Noelle raised an arm, shielding Angus from a stray basketball. “Sounds like a plan.”

Upon arriving in Noelle’s as-of-yet sparsely furnished dorm, Angus sat cross-legged on the floor and opened to a fresh page in his notebook.

“So, Magnus told me that you had a run-in with Barry Bluejeans shortly before his death in Phandalin. I’d never want to force you to think back to traumatic memories, but if there are any details you recall about him off the top of your head, that could be vital to our investigation.”

“I appreciate the concern, but it’ll be alright,” Noelle assured him. “I’ve already been thinkin’ back to that encounter a lot, ever since I learned Barry was a lich — ‘cause he really, really didn’t act like how I was always told liches would behave. See, he… he almost took a blast of fire to the chest while he was shepherding us into that stockroom, and even then, he told us to stay in there while he risked his life trying to lead the dwarf away. He was so brave, and he even got that dwarf out of the bar… but still not far enough away, I guess.”

“Was he using any spells? Magically redirecting fire? Did he try to teleport you to safety?”

“No, no spells that I saw. He threw a chair across the room to distract the dwarf at one point, but that was with his own two arms and I imagine a whole lot of adrenaline, not any sorta spectral mage hands or whatever it is that wizards use.”

“Hmm.” Angus clicked his pen. “I hate to say it, but if he didn’t cast a single spell, then it sounds like he really wasn’t trying that hard to save the town…”

“No, that’s not it. I’m sure of it. He told us not to be afraid, but he was… he was scared. Did a real good job of hiding it, but he was shaking as he closed that door to that stockroom and went back into the bar to face the fire. I sincerely believe he was doin’ everything he could to save us from the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, and it just… wasn’t enough.”

“I wonder if Lich Barry has — or rather, had a kinder but more incompetent twin brother,” Angus mused, jotting down the thought in his notes. “It would make more sense than — wait. What did you just say about the gauntlet?”

“That Barry tried to save us from it? I guess I didn’t know what it was called back then, not until after I died and I remembered the Relic Wars —”

“Exactly! Noelle, you’re a genius!” Angus sprung to his feet. “We need to go talk to Johann!”

Noelle floated after him as he raced out of the room and towards the nearest elevator. “About what? The Voidfish?”

“Right! Maybe Barry didn’t cast any spells when he was alive because he didn’t remember that he could!”

“So when he died, the memories would’ve all rushed back to him, and he could go back to his lich-y business!” Noelle finished. “But why would the Bureau have erased information about Barry, of all people?”

“I don’t know,” Angus admitted as they stepped into the elevator and it began to descend. “Maybe he used to work with them, and went rogue? I’d ask the Director, but…”

“She’s not in on the lich-hunting secret, right. But you’ll probably have to tell her eventually, won’t you? Y’all can’t keep sneaking out forever.”

“Oh, I know. But the Reclaimers are going to be the ones to break the news to her, not me. They were the ones who lied about it in the first place, after all.” The elevator doors opened, and Angus sprinted out at full speed towards Johann’s office. “Johann, I have a question! Is there a way to check what people the Voidfish has erased?”

Johann gingerly set down his violin, and tapped his head. “You’re looking at it. I’ve been in charge of feeding info to the Voidfish basically since the Bureau got started, and lucky for you, I’ve got a pretty good memory for who and what gets erased from the rest of the world.”

He sighed. “I kinda… I feel like the least I can do is remember them when no one else will, you know? ‘Cause it’s what I hope someone will do for me when I’m gone, and… well, that got real depressing real fast. You probably don’t want to hear that, kid — so just tell me, who do you need to know about?”

“I realize now that I’m forming the question in my head that this might sound like a goof,” Angus admitted, “but have you ever erased information about someone named Barry Bluejeans?”

Johann laughed. “You’re right, that does sound like a goof! I can’t remember hearing about him before, never mind erasing him — and I’d definitely remember a name like that, trust me.”

“Oh.” Angus’s face fell. “I was so sure…”

Noelle drifted over to the Voidfish’s tank, watching the swirling galaxy patterns drift by. “Don’t give up, Angus. You might still be onto something — maybe the info could’ve gotten erased before Johann was in charge here, or maybe before the Bureau even found the Voidfish.”

Johann nodded. “Yeah, maybe. You want me to ask the Director about it?”

“No!” Angus and Noelle shouted in unison.

“Not yet,” Angus added hurriedly. “Maybe eventually. I’ll need to talk to Taako and the others about it first.”

“Okay, whatever,” Johann shrugged. “I don’t really understand what’s going on here, but you do you.”

As Noelle rode the elevator back to the roof with Angus, she asked: “So, what’s our next move?”

“I guess we should go tell the Reclaimers about the break in the case, or lack thereof. And maybe make an argument for coming clean to the Director, while we’re there.”

They made their way back to the Reclaimers’ dorm, but upon opening the door, every one of the room’s occupants jumped out of their seats in shock.

“Oh, it’s just you two,” Taako sighed, lowering his Umbra Staff. “Try and knock next time! I thought you were Lucretia coming to bust our secret meeting!”

The living room looked exactly how Angus would expect the site of an impromptu clandestine gathering to look, with dozens of papers scattered about and a corkboard lying on the coffee table. Red and blue strings connected dozens of thumbtacks, and the center of the board was occupied by a red crayon drawing of a disembodied robe.

Merle chuckled, elbowing Magnus. “You know, if you’d really wanted to keep our meeting secret, then we woulda made sure our ‘security guard’ actually locked the goddamn door —”

“That’s not important right now,” Magnus interrupted, closing the door and motioning for Noelle and Angus to join the circle around the coffee table. “What’s important is that you two haven’t let anything slip to Lucretia since the last time we talked!”

“Um, we haven’t, but…” Angus frowned. “We were actually thinking it might be better to let her in on the secret. I have a lot of questions that only she can help us answer —”

“Then they’ll just have to go unhelped!” Taako declared, magically silencing Angus’s Stone of Farspeech. “If you tell her our lives depend on arresting one of the Red Robes, she’ll go ballistic!”

Angus blinked. “I think I’m missing a lot of context here, sir.”

“I think I’m missing even more,” Noelle added.

Magnus pointed at the drawing of the Red Robe. “See this? This is Barry’s true form, according to Kravitz. And according to Lucretia, the Red Robes are all super duper evil, so she’s not too keen on us talking to them. Or interacting with them any more than we have to, really.”

“Well, what’s supposedly so evil about them?” Noelle asked. “Are they all liches?”

“No! Well, actually, they might be,” Merle admitted. “I dunno the states of all their souls, but we do know they made the Grand Relics!”

“What?” Noelle gasped.

“You know, like the Philosopher’s Stone?” Magnus added. “And the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet?”

“No, I know what the Grand Relics are, but there’s gotta be some mistake,” Noelle replied. “Barry was trying to stop the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet from going off and incinerating the whole town — and even if he was amnesiac when I met him, I just can’t imagine him ever creating something like that. It just doesn’t make sense —”

“Nothing about Barry Bluejeans makes sense,” Angus agreed. “There must be something we’re missing…”

“I’m sure there is, but one way or another, I’m pretty sure Barry did help make the Relics,” Magnus told them. “He’s popped up near almost every one of them, except for the Oculus —”

“Yeah, remember when you sensed a lich in the Cosmoscope, Noelle?” Taako chimed in. “That was Barry. He rooted through Lucas’s trash and said some ominous shit about billions of lives getting devoured. Doesn’t that sound like a guy who could be the evil mastermind behind the Relic Wars?”

“Well, why don’t we just ask him?” Merle spoke up. “I mean, it’s not like we have any trouble finding the guy even when we’re not looking for him, ha! — so next time we run into him, how about I cast Zone of Truth, and ask what he has to do with the Grand Relics?”

“That’s a great idea, sir!” Angus exclaimed, but his face fell after just a moment. “But if Barry usually just shows up around the Relics, and we have no idea where the last three are, then how will we know where to look for him? We don’t have the time to wait for another to surface randomly like the Philosopher’s Stone and Gaia Sash did.”

“Kid’s got a point, Merle,” Taako admitted, rubbing his chin. “But as long as we don’t have any other leads… I can think of at least once place it wouldn’t hurt to check, and maybe even grace with a séance!”

“Phandalin?” Noelle asked, and Taako nodded.

“Exactly! Sure, the last time we revisited an old stomping grounds didn’t go so well, but Phandalin’s just a flat circle where you can see danger coming from any direction. What could go wrong?”

***

End notes:

Some miscellaneous headcanons about the stuff in Angus’s room: Magnus made the bookshelves and chair, Lucretia provided the bed and helped Angus attach the stars to the ceiling, and the books are almost all Angus’s own. It took a while to bring them all up to the moon, but Lucretia was happy to help, and she and Taako both gave Angus a few more novels to add to his collection.

Next chapter has some exciting stuff happening, including an appearance from a certain lich that the boys may or may not be hunting, so stay tuned! I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to hold the every-other-Tuesday update schedule after Chapter 5, because long story short:

I got a part-time job that doesn’t take up that much time, but does occupy the part of the day when I’m usually in the mood to write.

I had mild insomnia for like a solid 4 nights, which I have since recovered from but not before it threw a wrench in my writing process, so that burnt through a “buffer” pre-written chapter or two.

I’m by no means abandoning this fic, but if updates slow down to more of a monthly pace after Chapter 5, this is why! Just wanted to give you all a heads-up.

[sukitaro]

Unseen Machinations

Nearest the hour of true midnight, Suki silently trekked her way along the main Mists roadway, flanked on her left by a darkened ocean horizon. The rhythmic crashing of gentle waves against shoreline rock faces did it’s part in keeping her footsteps casually slow. In her mind, there were few natural melodies sweeter to her senses. Her eyelids lowered just a tad, only to lift up once again as she had arrived at her destination - her beloved Onsen estate.

She silently opened the main door to the interior izakaya, dutifully removing her boots and leaving them off to the side before making her way for the hallway to lead to the Onsen ‘dorms’. Much had unfolded in the previous few weeks in way of development and drastic alterations to her daily way of life. Even with the looming apprehension of rehearsing for the Onsen’s much beloved seasonal Street Faire, her focus was elsewhere. A fresh environment with the widest array of technological wonders and tools of war a rather superstitious girl could imagine. She favored her beasts - be in domestic or far too massive for a household setting - but spent what free time she was afforded learning of such convoluted mechanical theories and tricks. It was of benefit to learn the basics in any given field. Difficulties inevitable, she was hardly alone in her attempt to understand.

Her assistance came in the form of cat ears, a love for chocobos and an unending zeal for the exciting things in life, be it Blitzball or Magitek inventions.

He was a man known to her for the better portion of a year. Their time spent getting to know one another had been woefully cut short time and time again. Still, time and time again he solidified himself as a stalwart protector. It wasn’t until the conclusion of the return of the accursed Kisaragi that she learned a rather unfortunate truth. He was…

She halted as she neared her room. She settled her gaze upon her front door, opened as wide as the hinges would allow for. The Raen knitted her brows together, casting a wary look over her shoulder down the long pass of the hallway. Having returned from her exploration of the wider Coerthas and Dravanian area that week, she began to wonder if she -had- forgotten to shut her door before embarking. Perhaps.

Inhaling, Suki reached for a hoodie pocket, pulling free a diminutive Kunai blade. She crept for the interior of her room, as low to the ground as she could bend. The Raen stood in the center of her relatively empty abode, feet shoulder width apart. She let the sound of silence hang for the moment before pivoting on a heel, shutting her room door with a gentle ‘click’.

“Took your time, did you?”

A silhouette stood, leaned lazily against the wall to her left with arms folded. Decked out in an impressive show of odd armor, littered with metallic plate and small sections of artificially glowing light with a neon red tint. He was a Midlander of taller-than-average stature, any defining features were masked by black metallic leathers and a masked hood, two slits of gleaming red to allow for adequate sight. He stared off to the opposite side of the small room, seeming generally disinterested in however the Auri would take to his presence.

Suki whipped about, jamming the tip of her wielded Kunai blade towards the unexpected guest. She was hardly equipped for a confrontation. A white hoodie, black jeans and grey faux fur boots were all she had on her person. <”What exactly do you think you’re doing?”> Her tone was sharp, tail swiping at the air in a clear show of aggression. <”Are you lost?”>

The stranger drummed his digits along his biceps. “I dare not speak your savage tongue.” Continuing in Eorzean Common as she spoke in native Hingan. “I was feeling a bit lonely. We are social creatures.” He droned on, pushing himself from the wall and sauntering towards the shoji screen leading to the nightly futon. As he slid it open with a finger, he casted a look over his shoulder. “Never quite understood your deplorable cultural fascinations with everything paper and fragile.”

“I have not the time or willpower to explain to an intruder. Get. Out.” Suki tightened her grip on her Kunai, taking a footstep forth. “You wish for company? Pester one of your own. You reek of Magitek. I am not fooled easily when dealing with your kind.”

“My own?” He mused, slowly pivoting on a heel to face her head-on. Still a yalm in distance from her readied blade. “They are convenient at best, aimless at worse. After all...yours’ is a face I have committed to memory. How long? Two winters?” He regarded the Auri with a canted head, arms at his sides. Cool, confident, and plainly sure she would do no harm. “Torvath had always proven himself little more than a screeching meathead unfit to lead a band of infants, let alone a squadron to call his own.” The stranger fell silent, a transparent and complicated ring of an unknown pattern manifesting before his left eye. Floating and analyzing, as if he had activated something amidst the monologue. “Did you think us gone?”

Knitting her brows, Suki listened with an increasingly puzzled expression. “Ralis quo Torvath? His squadron? I had hoped you lot would have found better ways to go about your day. Regardless, you are of little worry to me. Just another name to be forgotten in a winter’s time!” She charged, Kunai poised for the throat in a stabbing motion.

The Midlander’s recently produced ‘red ring’ sparked in intensity, sending a pressurized pulse to burst from the center point.

The Auri’s Kunai fell to splinter the tatami flooring, hands flying up to grip at her horns as she collapsed to her knees a few yalms away. Her knuckles were white. Tail curled upwards in a sharp display of discomfort. Lowering her forehead to the tatami, veins popped along her throat and forehead, her limbs following suit - even if covered with loose fabric. Feeble attempts to speak were muted, as if she feared an open mouth would subject her interior to the same agony. The pressurized pulse continued to radiate in waves, rattling her teeth.

“What a situation. You wish to discuss ‘better ways to go about my day’?” He approached the downed Raen, standing over her form and leaning down. “Magitek mastery. Allagan enhancements. The knowledge of the VIIth Legion is hardly lost to me.” With his closer proximity, the waves of pressurized pulses savagely spiked in severity.

Suki tore her elongated canines into the tatami flooring, splintering the material as small cracks formed within her horns and sections of her tail. After some time more, a tail spine detached entirely, falling to the tatami in a shattered heap of fragments. Blood welled up from her palms, grip on her horns reaching a critical high. Still, no words came out.

The stranger, after another few moments of maintaining his produced pulse, abruptly cut it off. The ring hovering before his left eye dissipated, sending the Auri onto her stomach in panicked heaves. He watched her silently, pivoting on a heel and heading for the front door. “Perhaps in another scenario, you will remember this day. Choose your battles wisely.”

Suki carefully watched him leave, just in time to see him open up her door. He slowly faded into nothing, and after another moment, all was quiet. Letting her head drop again, she caught her breath. Mind racing.

It was a doomed second encounter waiting to happen.

[bluerazorbirb]

About the Two fathers theory, and why it keeps nagging me

OK, so I caught up recently with the manga, it’s why I haven’t really been able to look this theory up much.

I didn’t think of the possibility of the twins having a different parentage while reading. It’s only when I saw this one crack theory post about Mephisto, of all people, being their potential dad by shape-shifting or something, that I looked at the timeline a little more (and I haven’t saved that post, so I can’t find it, sadly).

Anyway, the way chapter 108 presents the events is disjointed, and somewhat confusing with few time indications, but this may be why some kind of twist could be very well hidden here (along with 106 and 107).

Disclaimer: In spite of presenting the elements here, I’m neutral at best about the possibility that the twins’ parentage isn’t as it appear. I don’t see it as very possible, and I don’t know if it would matter much to the story if it’s even remotely true (perhaps for Yukio’s development, idk). Nevertheless, I’m putting my thought-process here.

Something that one crack theory ‘Mephisto is the dad’ post pointed out was the timing of the pregnancy, and how it doesn’t actually appear to line up with the timeline we’ve been given. As for why that is, let’s examine the events in detail:

(Wall of text incoming, TLDR at the end)

-

We know Satan came back to Section 13 two years after vanishing in the sewer. He came in with his demon army and took the kids and workers in Section 13 hostage. Lucifer and his three Baal followers acknowledged their ‘father’s leadership and offered their assistance. Satan was fine with having the Section 13’s researchers keep making the Elixir, as long as they gave it to him. This also suited the Section 13’s team, because Satan was a precious test subject.

However, True Cross’s Eastern branch’s Asylum being invaded like that forced its leaders to admit the existence of Satan to the other branches, and theses branches sent out exorcists in reinforcement to deal with this new threat. True Cross East still kept the existence of Section 13 a secret. Mephisto also failed to negotiate the release of the Section 13’s children in exchange for supplies (given he was aware that Satan wanted to let Section 13 continue their research, this was likely part of his 'statement’ to the other branches). We don’t know how long this whole thing took, but it likely was only a few hours, since it’s a hostage situation, and exorcists can use keys to travel to True Cross East fast.

The Paladin Abel Franken announces the plan to the outsider exorcists: Satan’s vessel is decaying, he likely only has about a month to live. They will fight and try to take on the fortress during this time.

And so, for a month, they fight. Satan never shows up, but the three Baal do. Many exorcists die (final count is 114 by the time this is over). They are at a disadvantage, because they cannot find where Satan’s HQ is (since it’s in Section 13, and True Cross East is still hiding its existence, and all the nasty clone experiment biz going on in there). By the time the month ends, the exorcists are ready to cave in to Satan’s demand, and send supplies to keep the hostages alive.

It’s when Yuri decides to act. She’s been kept on the site as a consultant after Satan first demanded her presence. While asking her higher up permission to go herself and negotiate with Satan, she learns that Section 13’s leaders are happy with the situation, and have been secretly resupplying the secret lab themselves. They’re just waiting for Satan to finish decaying while using him as a subject. It also means that the outsiders exorcists are basically dying for no good reasons.

Hearing this, Yuri goes behind her superior’s back, and get into Section 13 with the key she had secretly kept from the time she worked inside. Satan guides her to him, and Yuri pleads for Satan to release everyone in Section 13 in exchange for her staying by his side until the end. Satan eventually accepts the term.

We don’t know how long Yuri and Satan stay in Section 13. The outsider exorcists were meant to send out supplies to keep the hostage alive for the next month, but we don’t see that happen. This coupled with Satan’s decay being an issue means the two likely did not stay in Section 13 that long. Perhaps a day or two, at most.

During this time, Satan announces his departure to Eminescu and the people in Section 13, who are displeased by this development. Yuri reconnects with her friend Jenny, and learns that Jenny plans to use the opportunity that the outsider exorcists are here to reveal Section 13’s horrible deeds.

Yuri also discusses her plan to run away with Satan for him to finish his days with her. But the women are overheard. Jenny is killed, Satan and Yuri are captured right as they leave True Cross East, and Yuri shows signs of being sick.

After Satan and Yuri are recaptured, the outsider exorcists are being fed a BS story about Satan’s vessel being found decaying somewhere once the demons left the fortress (the demons left because of Yuri’s negotiation, which is kept secret). The outsider exorcists begin to question if Satan was even here, or if True Cross East is hiding something.

In order to cover-up Section 13’s existence and its involvement with Satan, Mephisto tells them that Satan was invited by Yuri after he bewitched her. He also announces to them that Yuri is pregnant by four to five weeks, and has a Cradle Barrier around her, preventing her child from being killed.

This here is the first issue with the pregnancy. It is possible I’m wrong, but from what info we were given, by the time Satan was recaptured by Section 13, only roughly a month should have gone by from the moment Satan took over True Cross East. In other words: roughly four to five weeks.

If this is so, Yuri Egin became pregnant from about the time Satan resurfaced, and a month before she found Satan and they got together to do the deed.

And it’s not a discrepancy the outsider exorcists would be able to pick on, as Mephisto told them Yuri was the one responsible for inviting Satan to True Cross East’s Asylum a month back. From what they know, she could have gotten pregnant during that time.

As for Shiro, we don’t see him at that meeting, but we do see him discuss Satan’s child with both Yuri and Mephisto, so he’s aware that Yuri is pregnant… however, the paneling of Mephisto and Shiro’s discussion has a strange layout. Specifically this part which happens in the middle of a flashback he has while stealing Kurikara:

Now, why the reaction here? Why not before? By this point, as readers, we’ve already seen the decision Shiro took right after knowing about the pregnancy, so what’s the point of putting such a reaction here? Maybe there’s no significance to it, but even Mephisto’s wording, “Yuri was pregnant”, is a bit unsettling. Perhaps the Japanese version shows something else, though, so this is just speculation.

But that timeline strangeness itself is no proof that Satan isn’t the father, or that two fathers are involved. For one, Yuri does have a Cradle Barrier around her, which only manifests to protect a demon child. Furthermore, Mephisto could have lied to the outsider exorcists about how far in the pregnancy she was. I know this would be harder to pull, because Yuri is under examination, but the Section 13 personnel may be the ones doing the job. And there is one other thing which could point to Mephisto not giving the right estimation for the pregnancy.

…But that reason is also something which points to the Two Father Theory being a possibility.

-

The thing about Yuri, is that she was late in delivering her babies. She was four weeks past her due date. Roughly about a month.

There is a month’s discrepancy with the info we were given about when Yuri became pregnant, and Yuri was a month late in delivering.

This hardly seems like a coincidence to me.

Which brings me to two possible conclusions if we go with the idea that Yuri’s pregnancy should last about the same time a normal pregnancy does. The first is that Mephisto simply lied to the other exorcists about the time of the pregnancy to cover up Section 13’s involvement with Satan, making Yuri the only culprit for the month the exorcists spent fighting the three Baal and Satan’s legion.

The second possibility is in favor of the Two Father Theory: Yuri was pregnant a month before meeting with Satan, and somehow, thanks to demon-power shenanigan, got pregnant again with another child. The reason she was past her due date by a month was so that the other child’s development would catch up with the first.

In this situation, given what we’ve seen so far, the second child is most likely to be Rin, since the Cradle Barrier vanished once he came out. The Cradle Barrier disappearing is also another hint on Yukio being possibly full human by ancestry as well (although the concept of a trade off in the womb would have been interesting).

Like I said, this possibility shouldn’t particularly affect the story, although if it’s correct, then, the fact that very few people in high place ever refers to Yukio as a ‘son of Satan’ is notable. For one, none of the Baal, or Satan himself have referred to Yukio as either a ‘brother’ or a ‘son’ (Satan himself only referred to Rin as a ‘son’, he calls Mephisto by his original name, for example). Granted, it’s as likely that demons just do not recognize Yukio as a family member due to his lack of demon powers, but this is still something to consider.

That aside, it raises the question: who is Yukio’s father if not Satan? The likeliest candidate is still Shiro, for lack of anyone else. It’s where the Two Father Theory falters in my opinion, because, while there certainly are romantic tensions in between Yuri and Shiro, and there is no doubt that Yuri viewed Shiro romantically, we haven’t seen their relationship progress to a point where they would have casual unprotected sex with each other.

Arguably, that’s also where the timeline of the event can be referred to, because the last scene we have of Shiro and Yuri together before Satan returns is when Shiro picks up Shura, and Yuri ultimately refuses to take Shura in, because she’s still waiting for ‘Rinka’ to come back once his body fails. This whole encounter happened six months after Satan bust out of Section 13. In other word, it happened a year and a half before Satan returned (further confirmed by Shura when she speaks of the sole time she met with Yuri, two years before the twins’ birth).

It does mean that, as readers, we’re missing a year and half of potential interactions in between Shiro and Yuri, a year and half when Yuri could have changed her mind about waiting for Rinka and open up to other potential futures. What still makes this a huge maybe to me is that Shura only met Yuri once, so if Shiro ever spent time with Yuri, he did it on his own, without Shura’s involvement.

Well, that’s about it for the wall of text.

TLDR: According to Mephisto, Yuri was pregnant four to five weeks in when she was captured with Satan, and this makes it more likely that she was pregnant before sneaking into Section 13 and spending a few days with Satan in there. But since she gave birth a month late from her due date, Mephisto either lied about how far ahead she was, or Yuri could have gotten pregnant a month later for a second time with Satan somehow, making Rin and Yukio fraternal twins with different fathers.

(Not going into the weird ‘fraternal twins with signs of parasitic growth’ affair, because I’m not knowledgeable enough to comment.)

But, if Yuri was pregnant before she came in, she likely realized the truth about her child when they announced the news to her. And she would know who the father involved was.

Not like it would help if the child has already been labeled as the spawn of Satan thanks to the Cradle Barrier, though.

[elliemarchetti]

The zombie apocalypse AU is good! How's Cal and Mare doing? How is the Royal Family handling the zombies?

I hope this answers your questions! Enjoy!

Zombie Apocalypse AU (part 3)

Previous parts

Words: 1445

When the news came, the blood froze in Mare’s veins. The Stilts had been taken, the few guards who had still remained to defend them had fallen and now her old house had also been invaded by those things. They were all dead. She still couldn’t believe it, she still couldn’t shake of her head the imagine of her father in his wheelchair, totally unable to defend his family from the horde. Had Bree and Tramy tried to fight? Certainly, but none of her siblings would’ve run  away without dad and it wasn’t possible that they had managed to take away from that ruckus a man who couldn’t walk, let alone run. So they died, devoured by those horrible creatures. At first, as soon as she knew, Mare had also wanted to die. What reason did she have to go on if all the people she cared about, the few who were still alive, just died? Obviously, the survival instinct had prevailed, as it always happened with her, and although she still mourned now and then the fate of mom, Gisa, Kilorn and all the others, she had to go on: although she had no way of telling her parents what had happened during the Queenstrial, it still had happened and now she was a princess who had to train to help the rest of the royal family and the army to get rid of that plague. Even the king had gone to the forefront, and the queen, whom Mare believed she would never see sprawled, was using her skill to the utmost to drive those things away from the city.  The training wasn’t quite as she had expected it to be: around her the other noble of her age warmed up, most doing stretching or running around the gym, but others dedicated themselves to much more amazing things, such as Elane, who came in and out her field of vision, distorting the light around her to the point of disappearing, or Oliver Laris, who, by levitating the specks of dust, had created a small tornado in his hands. Someone might have thought that with such skills it wasn’t difficult to get rid of the zombies, but to be sure that they really died, and this time forever, the options were very few: to pierce one of their vital organs, it didn’t matter which one but brain and heart were preferable since it made the death more immediate, or burn them. She had learned these things, along with many others related to the virus that had started that tragedy, in her lessons with Julian, who believed that her bizarre ability could be a huge step forward the annihilation of what for all intents and purposes couldn’t be anything but a population control experiment that went wrong, but she needed to be honed in the right way and Elara considered it essential that she was also trained to go on the field, in a more physical way, as she said, that would allow her to hit them more precisely, even getting closer to danger. As much as the hated to admit it, she wasn’t wrong and she felt almost guilty about being locked in that golden cage, where she was safe but also represented a wasted resource. So there she was, watching Sonya battling listlessly against Andros Eagrie, a short but muscular eighteen year old who parried her blows one after the other, in what seemed like a violent dance that demonstrated her that she wasn’t ready yet to go on the field. She must’ve been a disappointment for her grandmother, who hadn’t stopped fighting one day since it all started, and even before, when they were still at war with the Lakelanders. When she was younger, the idea of war frightened her to such an extent that she wished there was a way to stop fighting, but she never thought it could be anything worse.

“In a row,” ordered a low, almost imperceptible voice, snatching her from her thoughts on how her older brothers used to console her. It wasn’t the right time to think about them, and she certainly didn’t want to be seen by all those nobles who still didn’t respected her a bit, cry. So she concentrated on her new instructor, who entered without making any noise with Cal at his side. His eyes were surrounded by thick dark circles, which, however, didn’t make him lose the appearance of the soldiers in the propaganda posters. To think that the similarities didn’t stop there, he too, just like those images, was full of secrets and lies, she almost laughed, but it hadn’t happened for weeks now, and probably just a vague grimace deformed her face, seeing as Maven approached her further with his protective behavior that she just couldn’t understand if she hated or liked. Although this was a desperate situation, she didn’t forget who he was son of, what Elara had done to her, what life of misery hidden between sparkling clothes and sharp fake smiles she had condemned her, and above all that the difference between Silvers and Reds would have them divided forever, even if they actually married. You’ll never get to that point, said a voice in her head, which she had learned to recognize as her reason, something she should’ve listened to more often, but always found herself ignoring in the most fundamental moments. Those trainings and the decision to send her on the field weren’t only intelligent on a practical level but also politically: the royal family needed to get rid of the burden that they had unexpectedly found themselves having to manage and what better way than to declare that she had died honorably serving Norta? They would’ve made a lengthy speech about her alleged father, Ethan Titanos, just as they did when they announced her engagement to Maven, and how he too had courageously died, even though he had actually been murdered in a fairly cowardly way, and Mare still had to decide whether to believe the theory that suddenly the Lakelanders soldiers got smart enough to pretend to be Nortan and got rid of him and his wife before they were caught exterminating the rest of the legion or if she preferred the version where the king had ordered the killing of one of his closest friends because he was becoming an uncomfortable character, and then they would’ve compared their deeds, wear their mourning clothes for a couple of days and finally start organizing some kind of Queenstrial for Maven, even if they would’ve to change its name, since the winner would never have been queen, as long as Cal didn’t abdicate or died. At the end of the day, no one would miss her, but the idea that Cal could die ahead of his time, maybe even before her, seeing how many hours he spent outside the city walls trying to free streets and villages, scared her to death, and not only because she didn’t believed that Maven could be a good king, given how much he was already being manipulated by his mother now that he didn’t have much decision-making power. No, she was really afraid of losing Cal. Every time she saw him go out, every time she was left behind with the less strong, less prepared ones, she feared he wouldn’t come back. Whenever the group approaching the palace was less assorted, she shivered until she recognized his armor. Probably Maven must’ve noticed, by now, but if so, he had never mentioned it. Yet she knew, she knew that she should’ve hated him with all her heart, with all the strength of her rebellious soul. If only she could get in touch with the Scarlet Guard… That rebel group wasn’t only surviving that tragedy with basically nothing, but was also taking possession of what had once belonged to the Silvers by claiming it as their own, and it was no small thing. At first she had believed that it was just a legend, but when she found out that they had occupied some of the Silvers’ country estates and she saw them being particularly tense and unhappy, she had no option but to believe in them. One chance, only one small chance to escape and she would’ve done it, even if she would’ve put her life even more at risk. If she could help them, it was worth it, even just to carry on her family’s memory and what they, in their small ways, had done to oppose to the Silver’s oppression. But to get to them, she had to survive that training, and she needed focus. And lightning.

[musings-of-the-imperial-legion]

Bios

(So, it didn’t work. Because of this, I’ll be posting all of the bios here under a Read More link. Be prepared, because it’ll be a wall of text. It will follow this order: Therak Dynatos, Slavos Dorei, Nathaniel Okayaki, Jakovich Hideyoshi, Ezekyel Takashi, Ebrahimi Roshan, and lastly, the Imperial Legion itself.)

Full Name: Therak Tsuyoi Dynatos

Rank: Captain of the Second Company, Second in the Council of Captains

Age: 345, born March 18th, 655. M41, 1154 Hours.

Place of Birth: Xiliv, Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima

Eyes: Soft blue

Skin Color: Mostly pale, though his head is more of a tan.

Body Type: That of a Large Astarte. Excessively muscled, even moreso than that of other Astartes.

Hair: Thin, well-groomed, and a deep, jet black.

Personality: Therak Dynatos is fairly philosophical, and generally does not fall into the trap most other Astartes do, in believing that they are something more than mortal. In similar fashion, he is fairly quiet, preferring to listen rather than to speak, but will not hesitate to do what he need to command the respect he requires.

Armor: Artificer Armor. His Mark VIII Errant Power armor have a large amount of higher-quality, very thick plates fitted to it, reinforcing the plates. The servos have been replaced with a far more high-quality variant; and the bodysuit itself has even been more armored. An Iron Halo is fitted on the backpack, and a handful of purity seals decorate the armor in various places. There is no Helmet to speak of.

Weapons: Ryza Pattern Storm Bolter, with five spare magazines. Sword-Based Relic Blade. Both Frag and Krak grenades, two of each.

Current Status: Alive, Second in the Council of Captains

———————————————————————————————————–

Full Name: Slavos Dorei

Rank: Primarch of the XI Legion

Place of Birth: Xiliv, Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima

Eye Color: Amber-Brown

Height: About equivalent to Vulkan

Skin Color: Lightly tanned

Body Type: That of a Primarch, far more excessively muscled than a Primarch physically should be.

Hair: Long, jet-black hair that trails to the bottom of his shoulder blades if let free.

Personality: Slavos Dorei is among the kinder Primarchs. Despite his origins as a slave, he has spent a significant amount of time with his brothers, attempting to kindle a stronger bond out of the web of paranoia that seems rampant among them.

Armor: The Armor of Faded Vengeance, a unique armor notable for both it’s size, being a fair amount slimmer than most other sets of power armor, and it’s heavy-handed amount of large, dark-colored chains, particularly around the gauntlets; many of these chains weighing a significant amount, even enough that Astartes have trouble lifting them. He had no helmet to speak of.

Weapons:

Legionnaires Requiem: A unique pattern of Heavy Bolter, notable for it’s design to be held more like a rifle than it is a heavy weapon.

Warfist of Furious Tides: A Unique pattern of Power Fist, notable for both it’s slimness, and the notable attribute of it’s power field covering the entirety of the weapon, rather than simply a single area.

Oathkeeper: A Massive Power Sword, easily as long as Slavos is tall, notable only for it’s size and the Gothic lettering down the center of the blade, which spelled out it’s name. Despite Slavos never using it, he keeps it on him constantly, as it is tradition among his world that whoever wields Oathkeeper is named as the true ruler of Xiliv.

Metallic Destructor: An Archeotech Warhammer, notable for it’s similarities to standard Thunder Hammers, and for it’s odd ability to atomize inorganic matter it comes into contact with. Gifted to Slavos Dorei from a “Mysterious Benefactor”

Current Status: Alive, mostly exploring the Warp for the Traitor Primarchs, but stops back in Realspace every so often for personal reasons.

——————���————————————————————————————–

Full name: Nathaniel Koizumi Okayaki

Rank: Captain of the First Company, First in the Council of Captains

Age: 344, born September 30th, 656. M41, 1337 Hours.

Place of Birth: Xiliv, Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima

Eyes: Beige

Skin Color: Mostly pale, though his head is more of a tan.

Body Type: That of a Large Astarte. Excessively muscled, even moreso than that of other Astartes.

Hair: Shaved.

Personality: Nathaniel Okayaki is your typical Astartes, and more. He has an incredibly pointed attitude, a sturdy will to see things through, and more than a thick enough skull to resist hardships that stand in his way. Among the Council of Captains, his voice is often the first heard, and the last as well, if he gets his way. This attitude makes him a sturdy leader, and dangerous in battle.

Armor: Artificer Armor. His Mark VIII Errant Power armor have a large amount of higher-quality, very thick plates fitted to it, reinforcing the plates. The servos have been replaced with a far more high-quality variant; and the bodysuit itself has even been more armored. A Chapter Banner is fitted atop his backpack, and a handful of purity seals decorate the armor in various places. There is no Helmet to speak of.

Weapons: Mark VI Heavy Bolter, with five spare magazines. Master-Crafted Power Maul. Both Frag and Krak grenades, two of each.

Current Status: Alive, First in the Council of Captains

———————————————————————————————————–

Full name: Jakovich Oda Hideyoshi

Rank: Scout Master, Formerly Tenth in the Council of Captains

Age: 824, Born April 1st, 186. M41, 0001 Hours

Eye Color: Steel Gray

Skin Color: Extremely Pale

Body Type: Slimmer than most other Imperial Legionnaires, still excessively muscled, vaguely hairy.

Hair: Long buzz cut, steel gray

Personality: The closest to his Primarch, always attempting to solve disputes calmly, and prefers to teach with kindness not often found in other Astartes. More often than not, he prefers to sit and listen, only putting his own thoughts forward when the need arises.

Armor: Scout Armor. There have been little modifications to his armor over it’s years. It it covered almost fully by a unique Camo Cloak, which constantly shifts its colors to match the terrain around them.

Weapons: Mark Vb Bolter, with four spare magazines. M40/A1 Space Marine Sniper Rifle, with ten spare magazines. Both Frag and Krak grenades, two of each.

Current Status: Alive, AWOL

———————————————————————————————————–

Full Name: Ezekyel Hordohan Takashi

Rank: Captain of the Shadow of Unrelenting Vengeance, formerly the Shadow of Force. Favored son of Slavos Dorei

Age: 400, born January 18th, 950. M30, 1154 Hours.

Place of Birth: Xiliv, Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima

Eye Color: Bright Green

Height:  ~8.5 Ft, ~2.6 M.

Skin Color: Deeply tanned

Body Type: That of a Large Astarte. Excessively muscled, even moreso than that of other Astartes.

Hair: Bald, covered in implants.

Personality: Easily the angriest of all Imperial Legionnaires. Ezekyel Takashi’s state of being can often flip on a dime between unrelenting fury, and the calm of a Primarch; though it was not always this way. After the events of the Horus Heresy, something within Ezekyel snapped, and became the first to suffer the effects of what would later be called ‘The Fury’

Armor: Ezekyel Takashi is one of the few Imperial Legionnaires in it’s entire history to receive Terminator armor, specifically Cataphractii-Pattern Terminator Armor, which had been modified to account for his size. Since it’s acquisition, it had been turned into a variant of Artificer armor, adorned with skulls, and covered by a robe.

Weapons:

The Legion’s Talons: A unique set of Master-Crafted Crusade-Pattern Lightning Claws, one with a built-in Crusade-Pattern Bolter, and the other with a built-in Plasma-Fusil.

Current Status: Alive, Lost in the Warp

———————————————————————————————————–

Full Name: Ebrahimi Khurshid Roshan III

Rank: Admiral and Captain of the Fist of Xalanx, former Commander-In-Chief of the Icarus Defense Forces.

Age: 441, Born September 3rd, 910.M30, 0110 Hours

Place of Birth: Xerxes, Northern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima

Eyes: Dark Brown

Height: 2M, ~6.7 Ft pre-Augmentation; 6 M, ~19.6 Ft post-Entombment

Skin Color: Caramel

Body Type: Large build, heavily muscled

Hair: Shaved Bald

Personality: Eccentric, non-nonsense and straight-to-the-point commander. Relatively kind and unwavering, but refuses to accept excuses. Quick to adapt strategies when they prove inefficient, and slightly paranoid.

Armor: Xellephon-Pattern Dreadnought Chassis with Built-In Anti-Grav device.

Weapons: Micro Turbolaser Destructor, Dreadnought Close Combat Weapon with Built-In Quad Multi Laser, Power Glaive, and Back-Mounted Cyclone Missile Launcher.

Current Status: Alive, Lost in the Warp

———————————————————————————————————–

Legion/Chapter Name: Imperial Legion

Allegiances: Loyalist

Founding: First Founding

Legion Progenitor: Slavos Dorei, XI Primarch

Geneseed Flaws/Mutations/Traits:

Hyperactive Ossmodula: All members of the Imperial Legion are far larger than the standard, easily able to match Primaris in height, and can be considered the largest standard Astartes in the Imperium.

Hyperactive Biscopea: All members of the Imperial Legion are noticeably stronger than the standard. This strength, over a span of centuries, can be continuously expanded to an, as of yet, unknown limit; to the point where the Strongest Imperial Legionnaire has been able to take down an Ogryn in unarmed, bare-body combat through brute force alone, hit-for-hit.

Hypoactive Haemastamen: The Haemastamen within the Imperial Legion acts slower than in most other Astartes, and often times not truly activating at all. This combination with the Hyperactive Ossmodula and the Hyperactive Biscopea could, in theory, result in the members of the Imperial Legion to grow to the height of their Primarch if given the correct conditions.

Missing Omophagea: During early stages, insertions of the Omophagea resulted in chemical imbalances which left an incompatible body for growing of the Progenoids. It was decided early to not include the Omophagea to ensure the Legion’s survival.

“The Fury”: Certain numbers of the Imperial Legion develop a condition though their careers known as ‘The Fury’. Between a combination of the Hyperactive Biscopea, sheer stress from the battlefield, the method the Chemical Treatments are done, grief from the belief of their Primarch’s death, and likely, but unproven, some form of Psychic interference, certain numbers of the Imperial Legion enter a suicidal state, made notable by the desire to clad themselves in little but their ceremonial robes, and charge at the foe with Eviscerators, ignoring any and all pain they endure.

“The Farms”: One of the most important aspects of the Imperial Legion, and yet, is also their greatest secret. During the Implantation process, within some members, the Progenoid glands undergo an effect which is not yet fully understood. The progenoid glands begin a rapid mutation, expanding and encompassing most of the empty space within the former initiates body, bloating them into deformed masses of what they once were, and pressing other organs up against the stretched flesh. These “Farms” however, have a far greater use, given that these expanded Progenoid glands are still completely usable. Each one matures quickly, and can have it’s Geneseed harvested repeatedly, and far easier than with other Astartes.

Unreliable Melanochrome: After the intense battling of the Rain of Blood Campaign, the Melanochrome began to malfunction, affecting even those Marines that weren’t directly affected by the land battle, resulting in a large number of Imperial Legionaries to develop a darker, more mud-like skin color.

Successors of: N/A

Successor Chapters: None

Founder: Slavos Dorei

Legion Strength: [30k] 230,000, [40k] 1,000 Battle Brothers, 1,500 Scout Marines, 2,000-3,000 initiates-in-training.

Homeworld: Xiliv; a feudal world in the Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Ultima, in the Suom sector.

Legion Demeanor: Brothers In battle, Purity of Flesh, Uphold the Honor of the Emperor

Legion organisation: Codex Divergent. The Imperial Legion does not have a Chapter Master, and instead, it’s ruling is done via a Council of the Captains.

Doctrines: Close Combat, Melee

War Cry: A loud screaming.

Colors: Grey and White.

Heraldry: A Sword going through a Fist

Notable Ships:

Fist of Xalanks: Gloriana-Class Battleship

Shadow of Unrelenting Vengeance, formerly the Shadow of Force: Retribution-Class Battleship

Notable Figures:

Primarch: Slavos Dorei [30k-40k]

Second Company Captain: Therak Dynatos [40k]

Scout Master: Jakovich Hideyoshi [40k]

First Company Captain: Nathaniel Okayaki [40k]

Captain: Ezekyel Takashi [30k-40k]

Admiral: Ebrahimi Khurshid Roshan III [30k-40k]

Unique Units:

Ogre-Class Dreadnought: A unique Dreadnought notable for it’s heavier armor, and for it’s ability to be more flexible with it’s weapon armaments, capable of easily replacing both arms with almost any weapon standard Dreadnoughts could carry, as well as weapons that are found almost exclusively on more Specialized Dreadnoughts, and weapons usually not put on Deadnoughts at all. The Ogre-Class Dreadnought is the very definition of multi-purpose.

Avengers: A squad of anywhere from five to ten Imperial Legionnaires, each one overwhelmed by The Fury. Rather than how other Astartes chapters deal with similar issues, the Imperial Legion allows these marines to go out in the blaze of glory they desire. Each clad in only robes, and each armed with an Eviscerator, these Astartes quickly become the bane of any vehicle they come into contact with. There are some among the Legion that finds the practice of using these Astartes in this way distasteful, and it is a widely debated topic within the Chapter.

Xellephon-Pattern Dreadnought: Only one of it’s kind. Built utilizing technology from the planet Xerxes, and used only to save the life of admiral Ebrahimi Roshan after sustaining chronic wounds at the hands of an Ork boarding party.

[antics-pedantic]

UNDER ALDRAGAR’S ROOF, PART 2

November 8th, 1927

           Heimdall’s artiacts were shipped in at last, and we all took to examining them. I had only noticed by this point that Heimdall was more pale than usual, but he spoke with me once more. Lord Aldragar had left us again on the pretense of other business. The pieces we had found were strikingly similar to other identified artifacts found by the British in prior years. Heimdall had also found a peculiar metal bead that when inspected by a metallurgist, was impossible to identify as any common material.

           I was greatly interested in the carvings and artwork where I could find it, hoping to learn some aspect of the Atlantean culture, but I had difficulty. After the previous night’s events, my sleep was interrupted by nightmares and alien visions. For the first half, I found myself fleeing from the castle, as Aldragar chased me upon all fours as would a wolf. No distance could I run, no place could I hide that I could not hear the mad German’s piercing screech. He had chased me down to a lake and I fell into the icy waters to drown. Instead, I found myself sinking until I passed through an invisible wall and I could breathe again. I was alone here among strange ruins, as an alien mechanism was vibrant with electrical power. All of it seemed to pour into a bright area atop a cobalt pedestal. I was compelled to reach out, and the light blinded me. An explosion rang out and I could hear the water pouring. Before I could feel the flood take me, I had rose up in a cold sweat.

           After a time poring over what lay in front of me, I elected to take a break to explore the grounds. Of all the doors in the place, there was a reinforced one located in the upper levels. The first time I’d seen it, it had been locked. To my amazement, Aldragar or one of his still unseen servants had left it open. To my astonishment I had come across a place of machinery and the most complex scientific instruments known to man. At the center of the room I found the metal bead from earlier and pondered on what my host could be doing with such a thing. There was a nearby table with beakers, test tubes and open books. One was on the study of vampirism, currently turned to a page that argued for potential sources of it, ranging from mysticism to the potential of it being the result of a rare biological effect. Other tomes were in regards to Atlantean theory, particularly in their rapid development in the field of science.

           I was quickly halted by a terrible apparition however. Black nails and yellow teeth were the first things I saw. There was a jagged grin and those filthy hands reaching out for me. The ghoulish man said nothing, but I could tell by the way he acted towards me that I wasn’t allowed here, and departed. His repugnant stench forced me to seek fresh air. I found myself some distance from the castle, seating myself as I began this very entry. I think I would take a moment to relax now, having managed to push all other thoughts aside for the time being. I double-checked my coat pocket for the revolver I had brought along. I thought I would have no use for it, but every moment that passes I find myself more and more suspicious of Lord Aldragar.

           November 13th, 1927

The most harrowing night of all was this one. I should elaborate though: I had never gotten to my bed chamber on the night of November 8th, 1927. Instead I had remained in that spot I had found to rest in for longer than I’d intended. The details were hazy, but before passing out I had seen one of those vile servants of Lord Aldragar, and he had belted me with a blackjack as thunder cracked. Having been sufficiently clubbed into unconsciousness, I presume he left me in the grass. When I had finally awoke, I had taken hold of the revolver and sprinted for the castle.

           The castle had been rocked by an explosion, and I attributed it to the thunderstorm that had broken out. The front entrance was still open as I found Lord Aldragar’s ghoul servant trying to get in. There was one report, and then a second: I felled the fiend with two shots before attempting to storm the place. I had been too eager however, and a handful of even more decrepit ghouls came forth to try and strike me down. I fired again as I ran for a room to hide in before any of them could close the distance and bring me down.

           I had found myself taking to his collection once more. I could not help but find comfort in the history here, and that silver saber. The box I had found it in was locked, but with the grip of my gun I prepared to smash it. With every bash, I had to bring my arm down with greater force. I knew they would find me, but I knew this situation all too well. I took the blade into my hands knowing that once again, I was one against a legion, none able to help me as the clock struck on my most dire hour since that brutal day I’d lost my horse, and was forced to stab and shoot so many foes.

           The first of them came at me with those long black nails outstretched, but he quickly screamed when he saw the silver blade in hand. For him, I raised my leg and kicked him in the chest towards his comrades, skewering as many of them as I could. Gritting my teeth, I was hot with fury and adrenaline took my veins, for I was a destroyer again. They outnumbered me and had nearly torn into my flesh, but my weapons and most of all my spirit had given me the edge I needed to throw them off. A few were dead, and I was running towards the stairs where more awaited me.

           It was not difficult up those spiral stairs as I was ambidextrous with the pistol and sword during my time in the regiment. It was when the last man fell and I was scrambling to stuff six new shells into the cylinder of my gun. I gave it a spin and another explosion went off. I could pinpoint it as coming from the laboratory. I charged in to find Professor Heimdall stopping in his tracks, but not at the sight of me. Lord Aldragar had outstretched a hand and willed him to return, those brutish fangs returned and his eyes bloodshot. Two wounds upon Heimdall’s neck indicated he had been the victim of an abominable feast.

           I raised the gun and gave my foe pause, clearly making my mark as the shots tore into Aldragar and felled him. Heimdall had broken free of the spell and came to my side as the master of fiends rose again, bullet holes in his once luxurious attire.

           “The orichalcum would have created the massive amount of power I needed to charge a treatment so that I may cast off my afflictions.” he said to me.

           “What afflictions?” I asked him “As a creature of the night?”

           He sneered at me.

           “In a sense, but not to become mortal again. I thought perhaps the secrets of Atlantean alchemy could strip me of my weakness to the sun, and the dogged faiths of man.”

           I passed the gun to Heimdall and instructed him to flee. Perhaps he could steal the carriage away and escape. The battle-lust in me demanded that I stay to kill Lord Aldragar while his castle crumbled. I charged him with the blade and cut his hand, followed by his chest. He clawed at me in a vicious attempt to grapple, and was nearly successful. I was a fully grown man of moderate fitness, and I could feel the strength of a bear on me, his nails digging into my skin.

           In a moment, our positions had shifted and I used the opening to turn his weight against him in a technique of the Japanese fighting art called Judo. I did not look where I had launched him, and saw that he had crashed into what I thought was a pillar. Instead, it was a pedestal with the broken remains of a glass container at the top. I could see the orichalcum bead at the center as it glowed, and terrific bolts of light flew out as electricity was fed to it. The walls were turned into openings that lead out to the edge of the cliff the castle was built upon.

           As Lord Aldragar came for me one last time, our eyes locked on each other and the killing intent obvious on the both of us, I had made a decision that saved my life: I rolled out of the way as he passed by my and crashed into what remained of the wall. Another eruption of the orichalcum brought on a blast that forced the dreaded host out of his own estate. With a final glance, I ran away from that place and met with Heimdall.

           I write this final entry in Iceland with Heimdall and some of his family in Reykjavik. It has been rejuvenating to have had escaped, but I can’t find myself coming to terms with what had happened. The two of us eventually talked about it again and we agreed that everything we believed in could yet be true, and that there was much else we never realized. He still curses himself for falling prey to the vampire, but with my assurance he returns to his research after some friends wrote to him about a new dig in Svalbard, in which they hope to find proof of the ancient continent called Hyperborea.

           Though I was interested, I had enough for a while. I needed to go home and have a break from this, and promised Professor Heimdall I would rejoin him in a few months and I said farewell. The silver saber remained with me, a reminder of those strange events at Lord Aldragar’s estate. I can only hope that the Earth has swallowed him once again, and for good.

[hexiva]

                                   S p i d e r s                            

                          a legion fanmix

Sydney Barrett | Ptonomy Wallace | Lenny Busker | Amahl Farouk | Oliver Bird | Melanie Bird | David Haller | Whole fanmix                                                        Click the read more for lyrics!

Syd Barrett

I Am Her, Shea Diamond - There's an outcast in everybody's life / And I am her. I Keep Myself to Myself, The Boy Least Likely To - I'll never be lonely when I am alone / and I keep myself to myself / I live in a little world of my own. Don’t Be Afraid to Sing, Stars - And too afraid, you're too afraid to fall for anything / And too afraid, much too afraid to sing. How Much More, Stars - You asked for time, and time takes you away. Hallelujah, Rufus Wainright - There was a time you'd let me know / What's real and going on below / But now you never show it to me do you? Believe, Mumford & Sons - I had the strangest feeling / Your world's not all it seems / So tired of misconceiving / What else this could've been. Mad Girl, Emilie Autumn - Mad girl / Can you believe / What they've done to you? / Wouldn't they stop / When you asked them to leave you alone / In all your faerie tales / How did the prince say he loved you? Hero, Regina Spektor - I'm the hero of the story / Don't need to be saved.

Ptonomy Wallace

Photographic Memory, Emilie Autumn - But I'm relying / On my photographic memory / While painfully realizing / It's not all that it's cracked up to be. Mind, Sleeping at Last - First, the ground rules get established / Memory is historically inaccurate. Kerouac, Morphine - His memories pull shades up and down. Always in the Past, Tears for Fears - And I can't stop thinking / Always in the past. Brass Buttons, Gram Parsons - My mind was young until she grew / My secret thoughts known only by the few / It was a dream much too real / To be leaned against too long / All the time I think she knew. In the Mausoleum, Beirut - Time travels to know / Your secret life / In your mausoleum. Time Travel, Daley - I can get back to a feeling / That existed in the past / Find somebody with some meaning / Try to equal what we had. Switched On, Vaux - Try, tried everything but it's all been wrong / Got, got all the circuits, but all the circuits are blown / So now all the pieces, all the pieces fit / Become the machine and the scales will tip.

Lenny Busker

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper - They just wanna, they just wanna / They just wanna, they just wanna, oh girl / Girls, they wanna have fun. Girls Like Girls, Hayley Kiyoko - I've been crossing all the lines, all the lines / Kissed your girls and made you cry, boys.Take it Off, Kesha - There's a place downtown where the freaks all come around / It's a hole in the wall, it's a dirty free for all.  Smoke Weed Eat Pussy, Ängie - I smoke weed, eat pussy everyday / And everyday is kind of the same / I have fun and I feel no shame. Theory of Relativity, Stars - Now that you’ve grown so wise / Use that head and stop to think a little / Just cause you’re crazy doesn’t mean that you’re free. Girl Anachronism, The Dresden Dolls - And you can tell / From the state of my room / That they let me out too soon / And the pills that I ate / Came a couple years too late. Spiders, The Vapors - She's got spiders inside her head / She's in danger she's easily led. Hey Sister, Simian Mobile Disco - Hey sister / Hey sister / Could you come a little closer? / Feel like my brain is spilling over / Do I seem a little strange to you?

Amahl Farouk

Pet, A Perfect Circle - Pay no mind what other voices say / They don't care about you, like I do, like I do / Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils / See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do / Just stay with me, safe and ignorant. Le Roi Des Ombres, -M- - All alone in the arena, I am the King of Shadows / All alone in the arena, master of the carnage / I am the shadow of your shadow. Plastic Soul, This World Fair - Consuming space and time, you welcome it / And drawing side by side the lines you see fit / To truth or consequence you yield and go / Take control and take control and take control. Das Böse, E Nomine - Ravenous monster / Evil comes to pass / Unclean monster / Forever tormenting. Spiders, Ozzy Osbourne - You think he's gone / You think he's dead / There's no escape / The spider’s in your head. Behind Blue Eyes, Navid Negahban & Dan Stevens - But my dreams, they aren’t as empty, as my conscience seems to be / I have hours, only lonely / My love is vengeance / That’s never free. Emperor’s New Clothes, Panic at the Disco - Welcome to the end of eras / Ice has melted back to life / Done my time and served my sentence / Dress me up and watch me die / If it feels good, tastes good / It must be mine. آینه‌ها, Farhad Mehrad - I see my face in the mirror / I rest my eyes for a moment / And I tell myself that it’s a mask / I can take it off my face.

Oliver Bird

Is That All There Is, Peggy Lee - Is that all there is / If that's all there is, my friends / Then let's keep dancing / Let's break out the booze and have a ball / If that's all there is. My Brain Is Like a Sieve, Thomas Dolby - Oh! My brain is like a sieve / Sometimes it's easier to forget / All the bad things you did to me. Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd - The child is grown / The dream is gone / I have become comfortably numb. Strawberry Fields Forever, The Beatles - Always, no, sometimes . . . think it's me . . . / But you know I know when it's a dream / I think a "no" will mean a "yes" but it's all wrong / That is I think I disagree. Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall, Simon & Garfunkel - Through the corridors of sleep / Past the shadows dark and deep / My mind dances and leaps in confusion / I don't know what is real / I can't touch what I feel / And I hide behind the shield of my illusion. Feelin’ Groovy, Simon & Garfunkel - Doot-in doo-doo, feelin' groovy / Ba da da da, da da, da da, feelin' groovy. Dedicated Follower of Fashion, The Kinks - There's one thing that he loves and that is flattery / One week he's in polka-dots, the next week he is in stripes / 'Cause he's a dedicated follower of fashion. Turn, Turn, Turn, The Byrds - To everything (turn, turn, turn) / There is a season (turn, turn, turn) / And a time to every purpose, under heaven.

Melanie Bird

Oblivion, Bastille - When you fall asleep with your head upon my shoulder / When you're in my arms / But you've gone somewhere deeper. Go Where You Wanna Go, The Mamas and the Papas - You don't understand / That a girl like me can love just one man / You've been gone a week, and I tried so hard / Not to be the cryin' kind / Not to be the girl you left behind. I Won’t Be Your Yoko Ono, Dar Williams - But I won't be your Yoko Ono / If you're not good enough for me. Landslide, Fleetwood Mac - Well, I've been afraid of changing / 'Cause I've built my life around you / But time makes you bolder / Even children get older / And I'm getting older too. Heaven Forbid, The Fray - Twenty years, it's breaking you down / Now that you understand there's no one around / Take a breath, just take a seat / You're falling apart and tearing at the seams. A Hazy Shade of Winter, Simon & Garfunkel - Time, time time / see what's become of me / While I looked around for my possibilities. Battle Born, The Killers - You lost faith in the human spirit / You walk around like a ghost. Weight of Living pt. II, Bastille - All that you desired, when you were a child / Was to be old, was to be old / Now that you are here, suddenly you fear / You've lost control (lost control) / Do you like the person you've become.

David Haller

Villains pt I, Emma Blackery - I'll tell them that the villains on my list / They're what turned me into this / So I'll go / I'm better off alone. Dear Wormwood, The Oh Hellos - I have always known you, you have always been there in my mind / But now I understand you, and I will not be part of your designs / I know who I am now / And all that you've made of me / I know who you are now / And I name you my enemy. Spiderhead, Cage the Elephant - Either I'm in heaven, or I'm in hell / Am I losing my mind here? / ('Cause I can't tell) / I've been waiting for answers for way too long / Seems I'm always waiting around. The Villain I Appear to Be, Connor Spiotto - I don't have the time to tell you / Why I do the things that I do / Just please hold on and soon you'll see / That I'm not the villain I appear to be. Are You Out There, Dar Williams - Perhaps I am a miscreation / All I know’s the truth there is no future here / And you're the DJ speaks to my insomnia / And laughs at all I have to fear. Meds, Placebo - Baby . . . did you forget to take your meds? / And the sex, and the drugs, and the complications . . . Puppet Theatre, Thomas Dolby - One more night in the puppet theater / And I'm dancing on a string / One more pawn for the puppet master / The lines are drawn the hook is in. Brain Damage, Pink Floyd - The lunatic is on the grass / Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs / Got to keep the loonies on the path / The lunatic is in the hall. Life 2: The Unhappy Ending, Stars -  Life was supposed to be a film, was supposed to be a thriller, was supposed to end in tears / But life, could be nothing but a joke, could be nothing but a con / Where's my unhappy ending gone? Villains pt II, Emma Blackery - How foolish of me / To try and divide people into categories / I found it so easy / But what can I do / When I've got nothing else / Not even myself.

[pickalilywrites]

Cam you do a Levihan?

Heck yeah! Based on this scene from one of my favorite kdramas!

Alternate Title: Levi and Moblit have a sleepover

The One Question You Should Never Ask Levi Ackerman

LeviHan. Canonverse.

2007 words. 

Moblit had thought that rooming with the famed Captain Ackerman would be more nerve-wracking, but it turns out to be much easier to get along with the perpetually grumpy germaphobic insomniac than he initially thought it would be. While he’s heard rumors of the Captain staying up late, the light on his room still on even in the early hours of the morning, he’s fairly thoughtful when it comes to Moblit’s more regular sleeping hours and suggests turning out the light right as the clock strikes twelve. It’s a little later than Moblit would like, but he was too afraid to ask if they could sleep earlier, fearing that the Captain would despise him for disrupting his nocturnal schedule.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay up a little later?” Moblit asks nervously. He glances at the stack of papers still on Captain Ackerman’s desk. While it’s clearly been rifled through, he notices that the Captain hadn’t signed or stamped any of them. “It seems as though you still have a lot of paperwork to finish.”

Captain Ackerman merely glances at the stack of forms on his desk and scoffs. “That’s just Erwin sending me more things to do than necessary. They all say the same shit anyway,” Levi says to Moblit. He takes a seat on his bed, undoing his laces before removing his boots. “If you’d like to do my paperwork for me, be my guest.”

At first, Moblit thinks it’s a joke. It has to be, right? But he doesn’t know Captain Ackerman well enough to know if the man makes jokes and after thinking for a few more seconds, he’s sure it’s a joke disguised as a command. If he doesn’t start forging the Captain’s signature on every piece of paper piled on that desk, the man might hack off Moblit’s legs, leaving Moblit legless for the rest of his days.

Not wanting to suffer such a fate, Moblit gets off the cot that had been set up in the room for him to sleep in and stumbles towards the desk where the papers sit, nearly tripping over his feet because he wasn’t watching where he was going. Mumbling an apology for not starting the paperwork that isn’t his responsibility to fill out in any way, Moblit reaches for the pen, ready to scribble a messy “Levi Ackerman” on every dotted line, but he’s stopped by another snort from Levi.

“Are you really going to do it? I was just joking, Berner,” the Captain says. Laying down on his bed, his arms folded behind his head, he says, “Just leave it there for the morning. It’s not like Erwin can’t wait for those documents, and I’m not too crazy about finishing them right away even if you’re willing to do them. Just turn out the light and sleep.”

Moblit hesitates, but he finally leaves the desk but not before blowing out the candle. Now the only the dim light of the moon streaming through the crack between the curtains is the only thing that illuminates the room. Carefully, Moblit makes his way to his cot once more. Laying down in it, he frowns because of how cramped and uncomfortable it is, but it’s not like he can ask for another. The Captain is being hospitable enough by letting him sleep in his room instead of with the other members in his elite squad. (Moblit had once spent a night with them and, while he did enjoy their company, they could get rather rambunctious once the sun set, especially if they had a drink or two.)

“Thank you for allowing me to sleep in your room,” Moblit says after a while. He’s never really thought about it, but perhaps the Captain really is a nice person despite what others say. Soldiers in the Scouting Legion did like to gossip after all.

“It’s fine. I imagine that this is better than when you’re just with your squad. I bet Hanji just talks all your heads off at night. I don’t know how you guys get any rest.” While his words are insulting, Moblit recognizes a hint of affection in the Captain’s a voice. Just a hint, mind you, but it’s most certainly there. The tone is lighter, slightly amused like it typically is when the Captain speaks of the eccentric scientist, which is vastly different than the disgusted voice he typically uses for people like the Military Police or others that Captain Ackerman deems as annoying.

Moblit has always wondered about the relationship between the two. He knows that Levi and Hanji had been acquainted prior to the fall of Wall Maria and, at least compared to the rest of the people that Levi interacts with, have always seemed to share a friendly relationship to each other even though Levi feigns annoyance whenever the scientist proposes some other insane plan or experiment to him. He’s never one to take gossip too seriously, but he believes there is some truth to the rumors about the Captain and his Squad Leader that swirl about. While he’s dying to ask whether or not Levi holds any true affection for Squad Leader Zoe, he’s not sure they’re on good enough terms for him to inquire about it. After all, he’s just sleeping in the Captain’s room. It doesn’t mean they’re able to talk about such things together or that they need to talk about anything at all.

Deciding to play it safe, Moblit bites his tongue and says instead, “Yeah, this is far more peaceful. Hanji does like to keep us all awake at night. Sometimes she’ll call us all for a team meeting in the middle of the night just to tell us about a new theory she’s been contemplating for a while. We’re lucky if we get even one full night’s rest during the week.”

To his surprise, Levi chuckles. While he’s sure the Captain has laughed before in his life, Moblit never thought he’d be in Levi’s presence when he did, and he most certainly never thought he’d make the Captain laugh. The night is full of surprises, it seems.

“Yeah, that sounds like something she’d do,” Levi says. “She talks your ear off during mealtimes too, I assume. Does she still do that thing where she forgets to eat because she’s too busy talking?”

Mobllit has to pinch himself for a second because he can’t believe he’s really conversing with Captain Ackerman, the most feared man in the Scouting Legion. He pinches himself in the thigh, wincing at the sharp pain, and it turns out that this is very much reality.

“Ah, yeah, actually,” Moblit laughs nervously. “We have to keep reminding her, but she hardly ever takes a breath and it’s difficult to interrupt her. You know…”

The rest of the night takes an unexpected turn. They spend hours swapping stories about the crazy things Hanji has done, laughing over her strange habits, and occasionally paying her compliments that she’ll never hear. Moblit knows that Levi isn’t one to talk much – even when he’s complaining about something, he tends to keep his insults short and to the point – but it seems that the Captain can talk about Hanji for hours and the same question returns to Moblit.

After talking to the Captain for a while, Moblit has the feeling that they’re friends now. If they’re not friends, they must be something like good acquaintances, and he feels that Levi isn’t nearly as frightening as people make him out to be. In fact, he’s quite nice and a decent person to talk to. Thus, Moblit believes that it can’t hurt to ask the question that has been hanging in the back of his mind whenever he sees the Captain speaking with his Squad Leader.

“Say, Levi,” Moblit asks hesitantly. For a second, Moblit thinks it’s a bad idea, but he’s already proceeded. It would be bothersome for him to change his mind now, and it would probably annoy Levi if Moblit suddenly mumbled a “never mind” because he was too scared to ask his question. No, Moblit was going to ask his question, and he was going to get an answer. “What are your feelings towards Hanji?”

There’s a beat of silence and for a second Moblit’s heart stops. Did he overstep his boundaries? Perhaps their friendly conversations were only meant to be polite and held no real meaning to their relationship at all. Maybe they weren’t even acquaintances, but only comrades in the same military branch and that was it. Oh, what a fool he is. Surely he’ll wake up tomorrow morning with one of his limbs missing.

“Excuse me?” Levi finally asks.

“I just…,” Moblit says. He searches his mind for a way to backtrack into safer territory, but he finds nothing. He can’t even stay silent because that would be even ruder. Well, he had started to dig this grave. He might as well finish it. “Well, I just thought that it’s quite clear that you hold an affection for her. And you two do get along quite well. I was just wondering if you two are only strictly comrades and nothing more.”

Levi pauses for another second before replying, “I enjoy being friends with her. I don’t need anything more.”

There is a wistfulness in his voice that makes Moblit believe that the Captain’s lying, but he doesn’t want to pry any further. If that’s how the Captain wants their relationship to remain, then Moblit can respect that. It might not be the answer he was seeking, but he can be satisfied with that for now. Besides, he’s bothered the man enough, and it’s about time they both went to sleep.

“Ah, I understand,” Moblit says. “Sorry for asking you something so out of the blue, Captain.”

The Captain mumbles something about how it’s fine before telling Moblit they should both go to sleep. Levi turns in his bed, his back to Moblit, and Moblit thinks that’s it for the night. He got to bond with the Captain over stories about his eccentric squad leader and managed to survive even after asking such a nosy question that is, now that he thinks about it, none of his business at all. He’ll have to remember to thank Levi for being so hospitable tonight.

Closing his eyes, Moblit is ready to drift off to sleep, but he hears the Captain tossing and turning in his bed noisily. Cracking an eye open, Moblit looks over at where Levi is and asks, “Is something the matter, Captain?”

“Is something the matter with me?” Levi asks. “Or is it you? To ask me a question like that in the middle of the night! Who do you think you are?”

“S-sir?” Moblit stammers, sitting up. He’s surprised to see that Levi is sitting up as well. He can’t see too well in the dim light, but he doesn’t need to see Levi’s face to tell that the Captain is glaring daggers at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“Why are you even here?” Levi asks Moblit, his voice escalating. He doesn’t seem to have heard Moblit at all and continues to shout at the poor soldier. “What makes you think you can come here and wonder about things that are none of your business? What do you know about these things anyway? Do you have any idea what sort of things I’m dealing with?”

Now Moblit understands why everybody is so scared of Levi Ackerman. When he’s angry, he’s sure to destroy everything in his way. Forget his limbs, Moblit isn’t sure he’ll even be alive tomorrow if he stays in this room.

Mumbling a few words, Moblit excuses himself, lying about having to go to the bathroom. He barely remembers to squeak a barely audible “thank you” before the door shuts behind him and runs off to the empty dining hall. He sleeps in one of the rickety chairs that night and it’s dreadfully uncomfortable, but he prefers it to Captain Levi’s death glare.

[0bsidian5ire]

Design Theory (Scaeva Edition)

Summary: Getting new armor is always fun. Particularly when it's state-of-the-art Garlean armor designed by Nero tol Scaeva, Kharagal's research partner for the last several months. Naturally, Carmen decides they should show off their new armor to someone who will actually appreciate it and if that happens to involve trolling the Garlean Consulate, so much the better.

The Kungane Frumentari are not amused in the slightest.

Nero, when you get things right, boy do you get things right, Kharagal thought to herself as she flexed her arms to see how her new Scaevan Armor of Casting moved. It had a lot of give to it and was nowhere near as stiff as the older Ironworks armor was. Even the parts of it that were hard were very lightweight. Kharagal lightly rapped the strip of metal that covered the middle of her torso and cocked her head when it didn't sound quite like how metal did. Sounds like what the vanguards are covered with, cermet maybe? Nero had complained about how difficult it was to make cermet from Eorzean materials, but he also hadn't complained about it recently, which meant he had eventually figured out how to make it. Now that complaining made a lot more sense.

There was one last test to do. Kharagal let aether pool in her hand and held it against the coat's side panel. Instead of resisting the aether like most Garlean armor did, the Scaevan Coat of Casting absorbed it and conducted it along its seams, ready to be used. Oooh... so this is what you were talking about, Kharagal thought. "Anyone who says triple-weave carbon fiber can't conduct aether hasn't been making it right." Ha! This coat is amazing. And comfortable. I am definitely wearing this for the next major fight we have. If--

"Enjoyin' the new armor, I see?" Carmen walked up from changing into her own Scaevan armor.

Kharagal grinned at her. "Yeah why? The Resistance still grumbling about Rowena selling Garlean style armor made by a former Tribunus of the XIVth Legion?"

"Unfortunately." Carmen rolled her eyes. "But never mind that. You got any plans for the rest o' today?"

"Well, I was going to test this out." Kharagal patted her new Scaevan Grimoire and grinned at the thought. It had a basic tomestone reader built into it!

"Save that for tomorrow; I got an idea." Carmen was grinning like she had the one time she had managed to sneak into the Sekisegumi Barracks and grab their complete roster and their guard patterns of Kugane for the next few months without being found out. "I was thinkin' we should get our advertisin' o' Rowena's new armor out o' the way and show it off to someone who would appropriately appreciate it."

"Okay..." Kharagal looked at her in puzzlement. By this time, just the word that Rowena had new armor would have most adventurers dropping all their hard-earned tomestones at her feet to get it. "What am I missing here?"

"You'll see," said Carmen. "It'll only work if we're in Kugane though. Bring your nail varnish, or somethin' else you can do with your hands for a while. We aren' really going to be doing anythin'. I know you'll like it."

"Alright," said Kharagal and reached down into the compressed hyperbolic space bounded by her Accompaniment Node to get her nail varnish. Carmen didn't do much in the way of practical jokes. If Carmen said Kharagal would like whatever it was, then she probably would. Besides, her nails needed to be redone anyway.

Once they were in Kugane, Carmen led Kharagal to the Ijin District and ducked around the side of the Ruby Bazaar out of view. "Alright, here's the idea," said Carmen. "I was thinkin' we should just show up and walk down to the Garlean Consulate and sit at that one table near it no one ever sits at and jus' have some meaningless small talk for a few hours."

"Oh," gaped Kharagal. "You mean that one table everyone knows is near enough to the Consulate that it's always on their security footage and always gets picked up by the microphones they built into the fence?" The "everyone" in this case was Hancock.

"Yep," nodded Carmen. "That one. I figure we'll get at least a few good conversations out of everyone else in the Ijin District too. Might as well make those count for somethin'. I wouldn' want the security footage to be too boring to re-watch tonight."

"Give me a second," Kharagal said and pulled out her new grimoire. "If we're going to be messing with the Garleans' heads that much, we might as well go the whole nine yalms." With a twist of aether, Garuda-Egi took on the appearance of Shinryu-Egi, a long-tailed dragon that flashed all the colors of the rainbow. "Now we're ready," she told Carmen.

"Show-time then," Carmen sing-songed and the two woman walked out into the thick of the Ijin District. Stares from all directions followed them all the way to the Consulate.

Most of the tables on the plaza in front of the Garlean Consulate had people sitting at them, but the one nearest the Consulate didn't. Carmen slid fluidly onto one of the benches around it and Khargal sat opposite her. The angle of the benches gave anyone at the Consulate looking at them a great view of the armor they were wearing, which was the point after all. Circling a few fulms above the table was Shinryu-Egi.

Kharagal pulled out her set of nail files and a bottle of the Sky Blue Metallic Nail Varnish she had fallen in love with. It was true that her nails had been getting long and some of the points were becoming too dull for her taste. Carmen pulled out her set of magitek maintenance tools and began disassembling one of her Scaevan Daggers for cleaning. Kharagal could tell Carmen was disassembling it much slower then usual.

"So," Kharagal said as she filed away at her thumb-nail. "What's your take on Kugane's underground shipping business?"

Carmen smirked at that. For them, this was small talk. And anyone who knew anything about espionage should know all of this anyway. "Kugane needs to do something about its import taxes. You know it's gettin' bad when the EATC is specifically talkin' with the Confederates and Rowena to figure out a way around them. By this point, they'd almost rather skip Kugane all together to get to Othard. And--" Carmen glanced at something behind Kharagal. "Well, this should be fun."

Khargal looked over her shoulder and waved. Hersande and a group of Clan Centurio hunters were walking over to them. Carmen was right; this was going to be fun.

By the time it was late afternoon in Kugane, Mutius goe Cimber was beginning to hope that the day was going to end up being an uncomplicated one. The Garleans had not insulted anyone yet and the East Aldenard Trading Company had only traded in the markets to day and not tried its hand at subterfuge. That hope was dashed when Silvaire eir Valtin rushed into his office without knocking. "We have had a Warrior of Light sighting," the elezen burst out.

Mutius resisted the urge to curse and resigned himself to having a busy night. "How many of them?" he got out as he and Silvaire made their way through the basement of the Garlean Consulate.

"Two, sir. The Auri mage and the Hyur ninja. They have not done anything yet, but you know how they are." The two men made it to the surveillance room the Frumentari had managed to squeeze into the Consulate during construction.

"I do indeed," Mutius almost snarled. "What have they done so far?"

"Nothing much," Silvaire said. "They just teleported in, but..." he gulped. "You should see what they are wearing for yourself, sir."

"Where are they now?" Mutius stared at the wall of cameras the Frumentari had managed to scatter over Kugane.

"They just entered the Ijin District," the roegadyn manning the surveillance equipment said. "We lost them for a bit but they turned up around the Ruby Bazaar as usual." She blew up the camera feed the Warriors of Light were in on the main screen.

Mutius caught a glimpse of two women; an au ra with purple hair, four horns and what looked like a simplified version of the primal Shinryu flying next to her and a hyur with short honey blond hair and plain features who moved like a ninja. He inwardly cursed. "Please tell me that is not Kharagal Mierqid and Carmen Mercer." Unfortunately, no one corrected him.

Silvaire was the first one to break the silence. "Well... if it helps, we did not see Alex Mercer and Osric Brasher teleport in with them. And we have not seen Alex and Osric anywhere else in Kugane."

Mutius let out a sigh of relief. Alex, Carmen, Osric and Kharagal had been reported as often acting as a unit when the Warriors of Light had been fighting the VIth and XIIth Legions. If the four of them were not together, Kharagal and Carmen were probably not planning on doing anything that involved serious fighting. That meant he could focus on the other thing Silvaire had said earlier. "We should assume they are not going to do anything for the moment. Silvaire," he turned to the elezen. "What was it about what they were wearing that was so important?" With how the woman were enmeshed in the crowd of the Ijin District, he couldn't make it out.

"This," said Silvaire and he pulled up a still from the footage of the aetheryte plaza. It gave a good view of Kharagal and Carmen right as they had teleported in. "I know Eorzean armor designs pretty well by now and that is not Eorzean armor." In the still, Kharagal and Carmen were wearing armor that would have looked right at home in the Magitek Academy's exhibition hall.

Mutius blinked, dumbfounded. Non-Garleans simply didn't use armor made out carbon fiber and cermet. Most of them unconsciously used aether no matter what their fighting style was and both carbon fiber and cermet were some of the worst aetheric conductors around. And yet here were two of the Warriors of Light, one of them a mage who was infamous for the amount of aether she could throw around, wearing armor that was clearly Garlean in make and design. "Get Penelope bas Flavus on the line," he ordered. "She should still be in her office. And get the live feed on the screen again."

The feed blipped up again. Kharagal and Carmen were making their way further into the Ijin District from the Ruby Bazzare. Mutius could see the stares following them as people saw the surprising sight of Warriors of Light in Garlean-style armor. Kharagal and Carmen looked like they did not notice everyone's attention, but Mutius suspected they were faking that. Carmen had been said to be the closest thing the Warriors of Light had to a Frumentarius and none of the Warriors of Light could be as good as they were at reading battle fields if they could not notice where the attention of civilians was.

"What are they doing?" Silvaire's musing brought Mutius out of his thoughts. Kharagal and Carmen had finally stopped and settled in at one of the tables near the Consulate. "They..." Kharagal proceeded to take a manicure set from her belt. Carmen brought out a set of tools that looked exactly like the tools used to do maintenance on magitek. Then she unsheathed one of the knives at her belt and began taking it apart. By this point Mutius was almost expecting the magitek knives she had. Silvaire massaged his sinuses. "They are acting like a pair of normal adventurers who are not on a job at the moment," he finished weakly.

Mutius almost groaned as the tension left the room. This was what was so nerve-wracking about the Warriors of Light. For all that the recordings of them fighting against the Garlean Legions showed them to be peerless warriors who had killed a legatus, fought another legatus to a draw and survived fighting Zenos three times, most of the time they acted like just another Free Company of adventurers. It often led to the Frumentari preparing for the worst only to watch as the Warriors of Light solved various problems and ended up endearing themselves to the public. Or in this case, watching as two of the Warriors of Light enjoyed a day off.

"Should we--" the beep of a long-distance radio connection interrupted Silvaire. "Should I put Penelope on?" he asked Mutius.

Mutius nodded and another section of the screen lit up to reveal Penelope bas Flavus. She was a tenured researcher at the Magitek Academy who did not mind using her position to look into the Academy's activities at the Frumentari's behest or to push through research for them. "What happened?" she opened with.

"We do not actually know yet," Mutius said, "but the Academy may very well have a security leak on its hands."

"What?" Penelope look scandalized at that.

"I need to know if you have seen any armor like this being developed at the Academy recently," Mutius tapped a few buttons on his console and set the picture of the Warriors of Light to her.

Penelope's eyebrows raised and she softly gasped. Mutius guessed that she had seen the picture. She blinked and looked up at Mutius again. "I have not seen armor like this recently. If I had, I would have gotten whoever designed it in touch with the military immediately. Yet..." she slowly twirled a lock of hair around her finger and looked down again. "I have seen a design of something with a similar style before. But..." she thought for a moment. "It was a long time ago." She turned back to Mutius. "I think it was from when I was at the Academy as a student."

"Fantastic." Mutius kneaded his third eye. Penelope had been a student at the Magitek Academy at the same time as Cid nan Garlond. A lot of the people in the Academy at that time had gone on to become Cid's assistants and had defected with him to Eorzea. That had been messy on the Frumentari's end. "I assume you have the same opinion on the magitek they are using?" He sent the live feed through to her.

Penelope watched the feed of Carmen meticulously cleaning her magitek knives, seemingly not paying any mind to the crowd of Clan Centurio hunters around her. "Yes," Penelope nodded. "Same feeling. I saw this idea a long time ago, but the implementation was all over the place back then. This feels more... complete. Finished maybe? Whoever--"

"Quiet!" Silvaire hissed. "Someone said something about their armor." He turned the audio feed up.

"--you waltz the Garlean Consulate and say you weren' leavin' until they gave you the best armor they had?" a male roegayden teased.

On the video feed, Kharagal and Carmen looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Nope," Kharagal said once she calmed down, "we got it from Rowena. Again."

"Just ask her for the Scaevan gear," Carmen added as she reconstructed her dagger. "And yes, she'll only take tomestones for it. Again."

All the Clan Canturio hunters around Kharagal and Carmen groaned at that and started to leave, several of them cursing Rowena under their breath.

"Shit!" Mutius blinked at Penelope's sudden outburst. Silvaire quickly turned down the audio feed. In her section of the screen, Penelope had buried her face in her hands, looking less professional then Mutius had ever seen her. "Sorry about that," Penelope said as she raised her head and pushed her hair out of her eyes. "But I remember where I have seen designs like that before." She winced. "Or rather, who designs magitek like that. And it was not Cid or anyone really connected with him."

"Scaeva, right?" Silvaire said. "That was what they said the armor was called."

"You mean Nero tol Scaeva, van Balesaur's Tribunus Laticlavius?" Mutius asked, alarm shooting through him.

"Really?" Penelope looked dumbfounded. "I got my position because Nero did not take the tenured position the Academy offered him since he was going into the legions, but I did not pay much attention to what he did afterwards."

Mutius took a deep breath. This was getting complicated quickly. "Penelope, I know you know this already, but you can not officially know what we are about to talk about."

"Got it." Mutius knew Penelope really did.

"Nero tol Scaeva was Gaius van Balesaur's Tribunus Laticlavius," Mutius started out. "We also know he did a lot of work restoring Allagan devices and reverse engineering them." Penelope nodded at both of those. "What we do not know is what happened to him after Operation Archon."

"I thought the XIIth managed to save the XIVth Legion in Gyr Abania from being overrun by the Eorzeans like they overran the rest of the XIVthe Legion in Aldenard," said Penelope. "So the Eorzeans would have Nero, correct?"

Mutius sighed. Sometimes he found the official version of events told to the Garlean public inconvenient. This was one of those times. Penelope was smart enough to figure out the ramifications of covering up something like this. "We do not know," he said. "The Frumentari decided people did not need to know that the XIIth Legion did not make the effort to go anywhere near the XIVth Legion outside of Gyr Abania. From what our informant could tell, the Eorzeans are leaving the XIVth alone. But other then that..." he shrugged.

Penelope blinked a few times. "So, maybe the Eorzeans have Nero, maybe they do not." She started twirling her hair again. Then she paled and her hand went slack. "Mutius," she said, "even if the Eorzeans are forcing him to do this, it would not matter."

"Why?"

"Back at the Academy, Nero was always the overachiever. Well..." Penelope shrugged. "He was trying to outdo Cid nan Garland at the time; we all were. But he was the only one of us who came close to succeeding. I do not remember him not doing his best. Ever."

"Great," said Silvaire. "So if the Eorzeans did force him to make something, he would actually try to do a good job?"

"Most likely," Penelope groaned.

"So," said Mutius, "you are saying you think the best explanation for the Warriors of Light having Garlean armor and weapons is because they somehow have access to armor and weapons designed by Nero tol Scaeva and not because something leaked from the Magitek Academy to the Eorzean Alliance?

"Yes." Penelope met Mutius's gaze and held it. He nodded to her and cut the connection.

"You think she told us the truth?" Silvaire asked once Penelope's image blipped out.

"Give it a week," said Mutius, and reminded himself that Silvair was still getting used to being a Frumentarius. "She will probably send us a record of all the armor and weapon designs the Academy came up with in the past year and the Frumentari at the Academy will not find anything suspicious about her actions." There simply was not anything to find. He and other members of the Frumentari had looked when they had first chosen to approach Penlope about working with them and had not found anything.

Convinced Kharagal and Carmen were not going to be doing anything interesting in Kugane, Mutius got up to write his report to his superiors. As he left the surveillance room, Mutius looked one more time at live feed of the Warriors of Light. For once, it was convenient they had shown up. Almost too convenient, part of him thought. There are plenty of other places they could have chosen to waste time... why did they chose to do it right here where we could not miss them and could see and hear everything they were doing? Mutius shook his head to clear it. The Warriors of Light might be good enough at fighting to survive running into Lord Zenos three times, but being good at subterfuge was a completely different skill-set all together. And no one was better at it then the Garleans were.

"Well," said Carmen as the recording of the Frumentari's surveillance room froze on the screen on Kharagal's tomestone reader. "That was enlightenin'. No wonder Nero had a chip on his shoulder about Cid when we firs' ran into him." She and Kharagal were sprawled out on a cushy bed in one of the back rooms of the Ruby Bazaar with plenty of food to keep them company.

Kharagal giggled around a mouthful of dzo jerky as she copied the data Carmen had stolen from the Frumentari's computer onto a blank tomestone. "I can't believe none of them considered he made us armor and weapons because he just felt like doing it. Personally, I bet it's because he got board once Omega took him out and designing stuff is what bored engineers do."

Carmen snorted and rolled over onto her back, hands behind her head. "If Zenos and the actors on the Prima Vista are anythin' to go by, mos' Garleans don' have the opportunity to even get bored, let alone figure out when other people get bored. We must be so weird to them." She caught Kharagal's eye. "I bet Nero wanted to upstage both Cid and the Garlean engineers and Nero knows us well enough by now to know that we really don' care who we get armor and weapons from so long as they work well."

"Yeah, that's certainly part of it," Kharagal said. The data finished copying over and she pulled out the tomestones. She put the original tomestone Carmen had copied the data on back into the box that held all of the tomestones containing electronic records Carmen made a habit of stealing from the Garlean Consulate's computers whenever she was in Kugane. Kharagal stuck the tomestone she had copped the data on into the storage space inside her Accompaniment Node.

"And just what are you're goin' to do with that data copy?" Carmen poked her chin in the Accompaniment Node's direction.

At Carmen's look, Kharagal giggled again. "I was going to send it to Nero," she finally got out.

"You think he needs his ego stroked more then it already is?" Carmen propped herself up on her elbows to get a better look at Kharagal.

"I think he'd appreciate that someone back in Garlemald finally figured out how bad it is for Garlemald that he isn't working for them anymore," Kharagal shrugged.

"Ah," Carmen blinked at that. "That's fair."

"Besides," said Kharagal with a sly grin, "Nero and I were thinking about rubbing some of our research in the Magitek Academy's face at this year's Arcanima Conference in Radz-at-Han. Knowing one of the researchers at the Academy knows the implications of Nero naming me his co-author is going to make that so much fun."

Carmen burst out laughing at that and flopped back on the bed again. "Kharagal," she made out around gulps of air, "make sure you tell me when you leave for that conference. I so want to see this Penelope bas Flavus's reaction to what you an' Nero get up to."

"I'm sure," Kharagal rolled her eyes at Carmen. "You just want to be there so you can figure out what's on all the Academy researcher's computers while they're distracted." Both she and Carmen further descended into laughter at that. By this time, they'd perfected their tag-team act of Kharagal being the distraction while Carmen copped and stole data.

"Hey, we could always make another girls' night out of it," said Carmen. "I've heard Radz-at-Han has great coffee."

Kharagal pretended to think about it for a moment, before nodding. "I like that plan."

Carmen shared a grin with her and then pulled out yet another tomestone of data she'd copied. She handed it to Kharagal who slotted it into her tomestone reader and grabbed another strip of dzo jerky to munch on. Watching security footage from the Garlean Consulate always made for great entertainment.

Author's Notes: First thoughts at seeing the Scaevan Armor in-game: (a) Nero has way better fashion sense then whoever it was who designed the Ironworks gear, and (b) the Warrior of Light should totally wear it around the Ijin District and troll everyone with it.

Trying to spy on the Warrior of Light must be incredibly nerve-wracking. I almost feel sorry for whoever it was that had to report back to Garlemald that yes, the Warrior of Light and the Scions had shown up in Kugane...

Originally posted here.