#wait do Canadians do turkey?

[katherynefromphilly]

Oh my god SIX DAYS for 22 POUNDS? This explains why, every year, I wind up filling up the sink with cold water, and putting the still-frozen-inside-turkey in there, and digging around inside the thing with my bare, freezing hand, to scrape out chunks of ice and- and- UGH- THE OTHER THINGS TOO.

When I was young I was taught how to make a turkey for thanksgiving, and while prepping the bird, I remember squealing out “THIS IS SO GROSS!!!!” and I was told, with confidence, “oh you’ll get over that!” but let me tell you, my friends, THAT WAS A BIG FREAKING LIE because every single year, from my kitchen, can be heard-

“THIS IS SO GROSS!”

- as I wash out the inside of the turkey and then dig out The Other Things. *shudder*

Pardon me while I find a place in my fridge for the damn bird.

6 days for 22 pounds!

Holy fuckwads.

#AmericanThings

[noicevibes]

𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞

I just wanted to write something so we could touch his lil hip windows, ok... just once...

pairing -> sampo x gn!reader

warnings -> sfw, no pronouns or names used (reader is called "chief" by the kids), description of frostbite (skin type-inclusive), non-sexual intimacy & non-sexual nudity.

notes -> love me a big n beefy dummy with hip windows. also if anyone’s familiar with salvatore ferragamo’s cologne collection, yeah, this is how i imagine Sampo smells. soooo good. also, frostbite really sucks, so pls always dress according to the weather! (advice i give in the middle of Canadian summer…) -> for most skin types, frostbite will make it turn purplish, so i’ve left things ambiguous as best as i can ;-;

wc -> 4.6k

There’s only so much time in a day you’d ever allot towards thumb-twiddling and pooch-screwing. With all your responsibilities pulling each of your limbs in all different directions at all times of the day, you’d already overextended yourself far past what the definition of “comfortability” supplied— taking breaks? Out of the question. You’d been lucky enough to fit in even five minutes to eat a proper meal or two each day, leaving you little else room to be able to drop the ball.

Life in Belobog already made sure for you that being comfortable was the last item on your daily itinerary to address. Being reliable, being helpful, and supplying for those either less fortunate or less able than yourself, is what has always mattered. And doing so on a timely basis has always been important to you. Natasha’s patients, nor the miners you’d been a ward for, couldn’t afford to wait. And since taking up the mantle, you’d always managed to make good on any promises made, making this the very first time you’d ever been tardy. Five minutes is acceptable. Even a half an hour. But two hours late for your delivery? It certainly isn’t your fault. And anyone who knows you well enough would find only concern for such a change in character.

“… g-gatekeeping c-c-conman… d-damn it.” You dip your chin further into your scarf and blow, the hot air warming your chest for but a moment. “C-Could’ve taken me with him this time, but n-no… Gotta play b-both sides… m-make me wait in the c-cold like this…”

You tell yourself you should’ve known better at least every other time you’re left waiting for him out front your shack of a home— somehow, it’s even colder on the inside, like being incapsulated by one of the ice needles decorating the outskirts of Belobog, and so, you wait for him on your stoop, clad in the thickest clothing within your possession and blowing temporary heat into your bare palms.

It isn’t like Sampo Koski to not show up late to a party, or a meeting, or a goods exchange, probably even to use the bathroom— really, expecting anything different of him so late in your acquaintanceship is no more unintelligent than believing he’d go cold turkey and abandon his usual backhanded underhandedness for tactics a little more honest. Then again, the man still owes you nearly three thousand Shield from almost a month ago, and has almost every excuse in the book prepared in order to stall in paying it back…

He’s always late. He’s never not been late. But he’s never been this late.

Beneath your chilled bones and deep within your chest, something pulses with worry. Worry? I’m worried?

Maybe. Maybe because, with all his usual fooling around done up in the Overworld, he’d finally gotten caught by those Silvermane Guards— a great cause for your concern considering this would mean losing your intermediary between Belobog’s attic and its basement; having Sampo take care of your shipments lifted a massive weight off your back while you managed your other responsibilities, and in exchange, his debts owed to you slowly knocked themselves away. This would be bad news for sure, losing such a valuable partner. But somewhere along the line, things blurred, and eventually, it was no longer just business that you spoke of with him.

A funny joke or two he’d heard while up in the Overworld that he couldn’t not share with you. An incident he’d missed that was too entertaining not to share with him. A new treat you’d made for the kids of Hook’s adventure squad that’d been devoured in seconds, and the fact that you’d managed to save a couple for him to try.

Despite how easily insufferable he could be, he’d become a friend, one you found yourself silently fretting over, even after his return. And losing your friend is not the business agreement you’d made with him.

Or is it more than friendship…

The longer you sit in the cold, the more glaringly obvious the possibility of this actually having happened, is. He’s usually quite cautious, a grand coward if you’d ever known one; protecting his own hide has always been priority number one. So, you know he can run away just fine; you know those regular old Silvermane Guards wouldn’t be able to get him on their own, so was it Gepard? Or that Bronya woman? Sure, Sampo’s strong, himself, but against either of those two?

Your stomach clenches at the thought.

What if the half-hearted promise of being careful was the last thing you’d heard from him, after all? What if you’d never get a chance to have his infectious enthusiasm rub off on you, or never again hear about a business venture gone hilariously wrong? No more little bags of your favourite Overworld bonbons brought back as a souvenir, the ones the two of you would share together before the fire, and fight over when it came time for who got to have the last of the best kind?

“Sampo…” You pull your knees a little tighter into your chest, lips tucked into them and trembling into a frown.

Inhaling deeply, you release the breath just as fast, appearing as a white cloud before your lips. The frost that normally seeps through the border between Belobog’s two worlds is bitter enough, but on either end, all its people suffered from the unavoidably devastating chill contained within its atmosphere during the more wintery months. It says a lot considering it’s practically winter all the time, only less so in certain regions. But no one would be spared by it, and no amount of extra layering could possibly quell it— this, you learned quite quickly as a child.

Before Belobog’s Supreme Guardian made the decision to split apart the world into two hemispheres, your family had been prominent figures of Belobog society, known of in equal regard by those in the Overworld and those in the Underworld. Even after the Fragmentum managed to take the lives of those in your family —sparing you, for no easily explainable reason — you swore to honour them and the people of Belobog through provisional access.

When an entrance was found not too long after the segregation process began, additional supply trading reopened past what the Overworld provided— unliveable quantities of food and medical supplies that had innocents suffering. Despite your, at the time, young age, you’d realized that if you hadn’t survived the Fragmentum attack, this trade opportunity might not have been possible. “There’s power in a name,” Sampo once told you. “That’s why I’ve never lied when asked about mine!”

Now, you huff out a laugh at the memory of you asking if he’d been sure it wasn’t actually his ego, and pause upon recognizing how off-course your thoughts had gotten. Your point is, back when life was more comfortable and of less ache and agony, you could afford to fuel your fireplace, and there was no shortage of warmth. The arms of your family that would hold you were hot to the touch from having stood only a couple of feet from flickering flames; blankets were whole and left unpatched and thereby let no cold in— things are different now. With the last of your available firewood, your makeshift campfire stopped burning about an hour ago, and your last blanket, barely left in one piece, absorbed too much chill in the air and barely served well enough as a cushion beneath your frozen rear, you’ve been sitting for far too long, waiting for someone who might not even be coming back…

“… tired,” you mumble to yourself. You can feel yourself slipping, not just along the blanket, but into what your brain manages to suspect is hypothermia. “Sampo…”

Before your body completely gives out on you and your eyes shut all the way, you hear fast-moving scuffling coming from behind you — footsteps — that reaches you in time to catch you by your shoulders.

You jolt, from the contact, and from the pain the contact brings— like you’d been pricked by a handful of Natasha’s syringes, or like being electrocuted, all in one concentrated area. A sound no less like a yowl of a cat escapes you, and your glossed-over eyes widen as far as your face’s frozen muscles allow.

“I’m… really late this time… aren’t I,” a familiar voice realizes, tone unquestioning of his words. He doesn’t have to be in your vision to know whose voice it is, but he graces you anyway, leaning over and around your shoulder so that him and his head of violet hair take up almost ninety percent of it.

You’re stiff. If not for the cold freezing your frown in place, you don’t think you could muster a glare for him otherwise. Stare lidded and eyebrows furrowed; cold-paled, downturned, chapped lips spread thin into a line so taut, a split of red forms down the middle of them. His own lips part, his grimace deepening.

“Bit,” you answer, and the blanket wrapped around your shoulders falls away, your fingers finally too burnt to hold it up any longer. Beneath it, you’d been wearing a thick, woollen sweater, with two other layers under it, and two pairs of pants. Your scarf hadn’t nearly been as thick as your sweater, nor did it really do its job of keeping your neck warm, and your winter socks had been worn out from use for almost two seasons now. You suppose that’s what happens when you become your last priority.

Sampo winces when his gaze falls on the fingers poking out from the sleeves of your sweater. Purpling, ashy skin, particularly on the backs of your hands— he watches you struggle to unclench them, to try to straighten them out, only for your skin to pale from a lack of blood flow. Instantly, Sampo is down on a knee, his own chilled hands coming up to stop you from making yours worse.

“Easy there, pal,” he says, a nervous chuckle slipping past cheshired lips. “I think you have frostbite.”

“Prob’ly,” you murmur. “Hurts to move.”

His swallowing is harsh, eyes filling quickly with guilt the longer he stares down at you. Several times, he has to shake himself from his stupor after deciding to tend to you. It startles him to be able to feel the chill through both his gloves and your sweater, and both absentmindedly and instinctively begins rubbing from the tops of your shoulder and down to your elbows.

You bite out a gasp, one of pain when it finally sinks in that maybe, you’ve been outside for even longer than you should’ve been, and raise your hands to grab his, but even this sends a pain rippling from the tips of your fingers and into your wrists—

“Ouch, S-Sampo… Hurts.”

“Huh? It hurts? What hurts?” And he rubs your one arm once more. “This?”

“M-Mhm,” and you knock his touch away with your shoulder. He sighs, sounding almost nervous or aggravated, and drags his fingers through his bangs.

“If I stand you up, do you think you’ll have the energy to stay on your feet?”

You hum, but it isn’t a positive noise.

“Then are you okay with me carrying you? It’s probably gonna hurt again. Not like we’ve got much of a choice here, though…”

“Carry me,” you say. “Carry me to Nat’s. Don’t worry… about the pain.”

“You got it.”

Somehow you thought you’d be more frustrated. You definitely are frustrated, but for now, you find yourself blaming your lack of an explosive response on the fact that you’re numb nearly from head to toe. If you still have any ears, you wouldn’t know it since you can’t feel them. You aren’t even able to smell your favourite of Sampo’s cologne he always wears, even with him being as close to him as you are after being rewrapped in your blanket and swept up into his arms. Even your hearing is slightly dulled; you swear you can hear humming, as faint as it is, and you can’t pinpoint where it comes from— with no one else around, you easily suspect Sampo as the artist. You shouldn’t have such drastic symptoms for your senses.

“What time is it?” you finally remember to ask, albeit in a croak, your throat suddenly dried out.

“Ah, well, it was around two when I got back, and that was a half an hour ago, so… a little after two-thirty?”

You manage to sigh without making a sound.

“Thought I was outside for two hours,” you start. “I think it’s… been four hours.”

Being mostly numb, you can only tell Sampo holds you a little tighter, a little closer to him as he walks because the skin on your back prickles.

“I’m sorry,” he says. Looking up, you see his own eyes cast forward down the cobbled road— avoidance. More guilt? “I’m not trying to make an excuse, but something did happen to make me late. It wasn’t just me this time, haha…”

Another of the blurred lines. A long while ago, Sampo stopped lying to you. A funny little declaration from “business partner to business partner” until “no longer lying” turned into secret-sharing and line-crossing honest— you’d wish he’d dial it back sometimes with how honest he could be. Even now, as he tells you it wasn’t entirely his fault why he’d left you waiting out in the cold, in spite of your pain and frustration, you give him the benefit of the little doubt you held onto.

“… tell me about it later,” you say, voice only just slightly higher than a whisper. “… ‘m so cold.”

Sampo is warm. Well, warmer than you. You don’t recall there ever being a time before now that the two of you have been so close, but he radiates heat like hot coals. There’s no doubt that he’s feeling cold, himself, wearing his half-sleeved jacket and a shirt that exposes his sides so easily to the elements. But he feels warm to you; you can feel it through even your blanket as you shiver.

“Don’t you worry; Sampo’s gonna get you warm and toasty in no time.”

The rest of the walk to Natasha’s clinic is completed in silence. With you living so far away from the displaced residents of the Underworld to maintain the safety of your supplies, it’s a walk that makes avoiding curious eyes impossible, and especially those of the children who recognize you upon reaching your destination in Boulder Town.

“Ah, h-hey, kiddos!” Sampo’s greeting is shaky, and for the briefest of moments, so is he. “What’s goin’ on?”

Wary of him from your past warnings from when you and he had just been acquainted a couple of years back, they regard him with the same disdain you once did— with little Julian at the helm, they stand before the steps to Natasha’s clinic with their arms crossed and eyebrows downturned, barring his path.

“Where are you taking the chief!?” Julian demands, craning his neck to glare up at Sampo, who only blinks back.

“The… chief?”

“Chief of sweets,” you answer. “I make them sweets a lot.”

“Gotcha… Well, I’m bringing the chief to see the good doctor! We’re feeling a little under the weather, see?”

“Look how much the chief is shaking!” one of the other children exclaim. Sampo nods quickly, and attempts to shuffle up the stairs.

“That’s right! Waiting out in the cold for a long time will do that! So will you let me through?”

Julian huffs at him. “Fine! But I’m telling Boss Hook about this, and she won’t be happy about it.” Without another word or a moment of hesitation, Julian runs off, his friends in tow toward the Great Mine.

Sampo sighs, carting you up the rest of the steps in his arms before pausing.

“I gotta set you down for a sec, okay?” You nod, your body jittering in his firm hold when your feet finally touch the ground. Still cradled by his one arm and balancing you against his hip, he shoves open the door to the clinic and helps you inside by lifting you past the threshold and into his arms once more.

It’s already even warmer now, your muddled brain manages to conjure; you can’t help yourself when you snuggle back into his chest. Sampo looks to you, lips pursed, and pale cheeks reddened, before shouting away from you for Natasha. Off to the side, the door to the second floor infirmary opens, and Natasha appears, slightly breathless.

“Sampo?” she says, glancing between the two of you. “What’s with all the shouting?”

“Sorry, Nat— bit of an emergency,” he says, nodding down at you, the “emergency” in question. A single-toned note escapes you in greeting; you’d been winded after the sudden moving around you’d just done. “You got a bed?”

“I-I do, right upstairs; first to the right—” He’s quick to pass her, and even faster in climbing the staircase. Over his arm, you see Natasha following after him, her skirt hiked up half-past her calves in an attempt to keep up.

But really, you’ve never seen Sampo Koski move this fast unless he’d been running away.

You’re jostled once more, and in feeling your body separating from Sampo’s, you brace yourself for the pain that eventually comes from being lowered onto one of the clinic’s cots. Like falling dominoes, the blanket on the cot rubs into yours, which rubs into your sweater and other under layers and into your skin.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry…”

Sampo’s muttering doesn’t go unnoticed by Natasha. For as long as she’s known him, she can’t recall a time that he’s ever behaved so… docile? In the stress of the moment, she’s not quite sure if that’s the right word to use for him, so it would have to do for now.

“So, would either of you care to tell me what’s happened, then?” she says, and pulls on a pair of dark gloves.

“I’m pretty sure it’s frostbite,” Sampo says, awhile helping to unravel your blanket off of you for her. “You were out in the cold for hours…”

Natasha gasps. “In this weather? At this temperature?”

“They’d been waiting for me, but then that happened!” he spits out, panicked. “It wasn’t my fault!” In her flurry of grabbing clean towelettes, she manages to shoot him a look of frustration.

“You did a good thing by saving those kids, Sampo, but you can’t forget your other priorities.”

“I… I didn’t!” he tries swearing. “They helped me out, so I couldn’t just leave them like that! Ahh, I’m so sorry…”

Natasha sighs, placing the collected cloths next to you on the bed. “Apologizing isn’t going to help us here, so while I get these clothes off, can you go heat up a basin of water?” He nods, almost too enthusiastically.

“A hot basin of water, got it!”

“A warm basin.”

“A warm basin of water, r-right—“

He toddles off, rounding the bed from your right and crossing the clinic with a flat bucket in hand. A deep sigh from you has Natasha glancing back at you.

“I’d apologize for him, but I’m sure you already know just how aggressive he’ll be in making it up to you once you’re better.”

Your nodding shifts the pillow beneath your head.

“He… wouldn’t have been late for no reason,” you reason. “I should’ve just come here when I realized… he wouldn’t be on time.”

“Yes, you should have.”

You clear your throat a little. “Respectfully… I don’t need a lecture about it, Nat.”

“Good.” She turns around completely and begins helping to remove your three upper layers. “You’ve lived here long enough to know the consequences of being outside in this weather— if not because of Sampo, it would be because of someone else.”

“O-Old habits die hard,” you grumble, hissing as she decides to be quick in sliding off the lower two pieces of clothing, leaving your chest exposed.

“… it definitely looks like the beginning of stage three frostbite,” Natasha says, agreeing with Sampo’s earlier prognosis. “Any longer waiting out there, you might’ve needed surgery.”

“Surgery,” you repeat. “Sounds painful.”

“It is. Especially since we’re out of the usual anesthetic.”

You neglect to tell her that you likely have hypothermia, but without announcing it, she’s already assumed this just by just your symptoms— shivering, drowsiness, the pure exhaustion reflected in your lidded gaze; in the stress of the moment, she still manages to find amusement in the way your eyelids struggle to raise when Sampo returns with the basin.

“Is this good?” Sampo asks, head inclined toward Natasha. “Is it too warm?”

“It’s good,” Nat nods, having stuck a finger in to test it. She gestures at an empty tabletop. “Go ahead and put it there.”

“Sure, okay—” Sampo pauses, eyes wide with his gaze focused to the corners, at you. Slowly does his head twist toward you, lips parting until his jaw drops, and, like earlier when he’d been running around in the cold with you, his cheeks burn with rouge. Oh, right. My clothes are gone.

Natasha’s own eyes widen in realization. She’s quick to drop your clothes to the side and step towards Sampo, and even quicker to begin shoving him out of your presence.

“H-Hey, Nat! Hold — hold on a second!”

“You can wait outside, okay?” she tells him, her voice sickeningly sweet with the tone she only ever uses when needing to be firm.

“Hey, okay, okay! I won’t look! Just—” you hear him sigh from the other side of the partition. “Just let me wait here, on the other side, alright? Please?”

“… ’t’s fine, Nat,” you pant out, your once calm heart now startled into a steady rhythm. At any rate, apparently having Sampo see you half nude on a medical cot works as a warming tool. “H-He can wait there…”

Nat relents with a sigh, with Sampo groaning in relief from the other side of the partition. You take a breath of your own, unheard over the sound of something metal dragging across the floor of the clinic— another partition.

“Just in case,” she adds.

Besides any general noises you’d often heard from within the clinic before, and the gentle of sloshing of the towelettes being rung out after being dipped into the water in the basin, there’s silence between the three of you. Natasha’s brow is is slightly furled when she carefully lays the cloths along your cold-burnt skin— like your fingers, purpling had started stretching out across it, and in more exposed areas, you’d even begun to blister. Bringing your surface temperature back up safely and slowly is the goal, she’d told you. Upon covering your chest, she clears her throat. “Sampo.”

There’s a slight squeak from the other side of the wall. “I-I wasn’t looking?!”

“Whether you were or weren’t, I need you to now. Come back in here, please.”

“Huh? W-Why?”

“I need you to handle the rest of this for me while I go look for some medicine.” She looks to you with a frown. “You aren’t feeling it now because your body is in shock, but you’ll be in a lot of pain when your temperature returns to normal. You’ll want to be asleep when it finally does.”

“Oh… okay.” The partition creaks, and Sampo slips between the two, careful not to let any other prying eyes see you. You peer down past your feet at him. “Hi.”

“… h-hi.”

Gently still, Natasha pats an unaffected part of your arm. “I’ll be back shortly.”

“Take your time,” you say. “’s’not like I’m going anywhere.”

Her smile is soft; you watch her go, listening to the click of her heels until they disappear through the same doorway as earlier.

Surprisingly, Sampo is already to work— his regular gloves pulled off and shoved haphazardly into one of his pockets, he dons a pair of the clinic’s medical ones that, despite being an average size, manages to squeeze his hands almost uncomfortably so.

“You… don’t have to wear those,” you tell him. “Just Nat’s habit. You’re only putting towels on me.”

He looks down at his hands, lips pursed and his cheeks still pink. You manage a dry laugh at his expense.

“Or are you suddenly feeling self-conscious,” you muse, thinking back to earlier. “Not like anyone saw you half-naked.”

Sampo huffs at you. “J-Jeez…”

This time, you smile at him. “Is it nerves? Or guilt? Don’t feel guilty. You… you saved some kids?”

“… yeah,” he mumbles, and tears off the ill-fitting gloves to throw in the trash. “Had to help them out after they saved me. You know me,” he sings half-heartedly. “I never leave a debt unpaid…”

“Sampo, I-I’m not mad at you,” you swear. You watch him avert his gaze and pick up a towel. “Sampo. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

His eyes widen before he turns back to you. “Huh?”

“That whole time… I was worried you were hurt… or caught. Four hours is… a long time. But I was happy when you finally showed up. I was so cold that… I couldn’t tell you this… And now, I’m so sleepy that I… I just hope that what I’m saying makes sense.”

Those blurred lines… are really getting a lot clearer now, you sluggishly realize, the longer you stare up at him. His own concern for you… the way he looks at you when he does… It can’t be strictly because of his “never leave a debt unpaid” policy he just reminded you of. He’s never looked at Natasha like this, nor any of his other customers or clients.

You suddenly chuckle to yourself. “I’m not drugged up on Nat’s medicine yet, so before I take it… let me say this.” He swallows. “Your debt to me… is clear,” and his eyes widen, “as long as you stop being so reckless… and as long as we can keep helping each other… and if you can… stay with me more. Even if you’re late… I always want to see you. Always… okay?”

The towel slips from his hands. You watch him inhale, his chest seemingly puffing up with the trapped air, and drop the towel.

“W-Was… Is th-that a…? Was that…?”

“Mm… a confession,” you finish. “Yeah. It was. Been simmering on it for a while now, I think. Is that okay?”

Hand on his hip, he finally exhales, flossing through his bangs with his fingers again.

“I-I mean… yeah!” You hold in another laugh at how high his voice had broken to. “Totally fine.” He grabs another towel and throws it in the slightly steaming basin.

Sliding it from the bed, you reach out your hand for him.

“Sampo,” you call, urging him to take it. When he doesn’t, and returns his attention to the water, you reach out a little further, and instead reach for his exposed skin beneath his coat. A small yelp of surprise escapes him the second you trail your finger along his hip, and instinctively, he goes to grab your wrist to stop you until spotting how dark the flesh of your fingers has become from the cold.

“H-Hey!” he hisses lowly, face quick to become splotched with rose.

“… you’re still cold, too.”

“Sampo…”

The man jumps at Natasha’s return, careful to turn on the spot when your hand had still been resting on his one hip, even minutes later and at your insistence at warming him up.

“I at least did one, it’s not my fault!!”

© nc-vb 2023 please don’t repost! reblogs & comments are always appreciated.

[classiclitbracket]

Welcome to The Classic Literature Bracket!

Moderated by @sorrel-scribbles [she/her, minor] and inspired by @ultimatehistorical, @riordanversecharactertournament, @baldguy-fight, @spnepisodebracket, @classic-lit-couples-showdown, @ultimate-poll-tournament and so many more!

***VOTING HAS STARTED, SEE PINNED POST***

Important Info:

Submissions will be open one week (March 15-22), but will stay open if I have less than fifteen submissions or close early if I receive more than one hundred.

The current plan is a 32 entry bracket, but I will consider doing a 64 entry one if I get enough interest/submissions.

There will probably be a couple of preliminary rounds before the actual polls come out, because there are a couple of authors whose work I expect to see multiple submissions for.

Propaganda is welcome, but please wait to submit it at least until the first preliminaries come out (this can be done by using the ask box or making your own post and @ing me)

If you have questions feel free to submit them to the ask box!

Friendly competition is fine, but I will block you if you can’t be civil with one another!

Voting/Submitting Guidelines:

The goal here is to determine which is the most classic piece of literature. You can vote based on your personal favorite, what you think had the most cultural impact, what is the most popular or timely today etc. 

I DO NOT want to see any moral complaints. Many of these authors/works were racist, sexist, etc. and I fully condemn that, but we can separate the art from the artist and still understand the importance of/enjoy the work despite its flaws.You’re free to not like/not vote for a book due to offensive material, but I don’t want to see tags/comments/asks saying “you shouldn’t have included x because it’s racist” or “nobody vote for y it’s misogynistic.” This isn’t “which classic lit book is the most morally correct”.

Submission Criteria:

The book must have been published between 1600-1970 CE

It must be written by a European (Russia/the Ural mountains to Ireland, not including Turkey/The Ottoman Empire), Canadian, or United States American*

The book must be fictional and considered a novel (no short stories, plays, poetry etc.)

You can’t submit a book already on the auto-inclusion list

You can’t submit for an author already on the auto-inclusion list as I’m only allowing one book per author

You can submit a series together (ex: Sherlock Holmes) or an individual book from the series (ex: A Study in Scarlet), just make sure to specify in the form

Up to five submissions per person, but you can only submit each book once

You have to make your submission through the google form (below). Submissions in comments, asks, etc. will not count (sorry, but I need to be able to keep track).

*on the Eurocentrism of this criteria: There is so much amazing Islamic, African, S./E. Asian, Pacific, and South American literature out there, but I feel it really merits its own bracket by someone who understands the material more and that it wouldn’t really get the fair chance it deserves in this bracket anyway as I expect it to be American and Brit Lit heavy as is and more people will come out to support those books so I might as well just limit the criteria off the bat.

Auto-Entries:

The Great Gatsby-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Pride and Prejudice-Jane Austen

The Metamorphosis-Franz Kafka

Wuthering Heights-Emily Bronte

Little Women-Louisa May Alcott

1984-George Orwell

Frankenstein-Mary Shelly

Les Miserables-Victor Hugo

Sherlock Holmes-Arthur Conan Doyle

Crime and Punishment-Fyodor Dostoyevsty

Submissions Here ⇊

[wyrmfedgrave]

Pics: On "Gaudeamus."

1. Frontpiece to a collection of Anacreon's surviving works.

2. Masterful sculpture of Anacreon 'capturing' his Muse.

3. Map of ancient Thrace, birthplace of Spartacus - a man who couldn't & wouldn't remain a slave.

Even if the only freedom he could find was in death...

4. Thracian national folk costume. The women still perform old styled Greek dances.

5 & 6. Small, colorful Thracian street scenes still dot the local landscape.

7 thru 10. The ruins of Teos, Turkey - with the top of its lion gate, doorway, palace(?) & amphitheater.

1914: "Gaudeamus" Notes -

1. That short story is "Winged Death", which Lovecraft ghost wrote for Hazel Heald.

The "soul stealing" that I mentioned was described as a "change in (the narrator's) personality."

But, come on.

His whole mind was 'magically'(?) transferred into an insect! That would include his so-called soul...

2. I'm of the opinion that none of HPL's narrators can be trusted - at all!

Whatever they've discovered has rendered them insane - & suicidal!!

Every account that they happen to leave behind, were usually written - after - they became mad.

So, in every encounter, the 'alien monster' remains in a mysterious & misunderstood state...

3. The Deep Ones are underwater creatures 1st named in Howard's novella "Shadow Over Innsmouth."

Think of mermen that look like the Creature of the Black Lagoon!

But, this species were "awesomely hinted at" in Lovecraft's earlier short story "Dagon."

I wonder how these mermen are seen in their own culture. Are they sexual deviants or is it a racial conquest pattern or a holy quest or some kind of survival trait?

Also, they must be closely related to humans to be able to successfully mate with us.

But, we still don't know the specifics that allow this to happen...

4. This story is the great "Under the Pyramids." The novella was sold to readers as a 'real life' adventure that Houdini "actually lived thru."

But, other sources claim Howard had already penned the story & that Houdini was interested in being the tale's protagonist.

At that moment, 2 great minds did think alike...

5. Harry Houdini is the still fondly remembered Stage Magician, Public Escapist & Fake Spiritualist Buster!

(That last remark makes it seem like "real" spiritualists are out there some- where. Sorry, I 'see' that they're not.)

Houdini was planning for a sequel to "Under the Pyramids" - just before he died.

A Canadian fan asked Houdini if he could actually take a hit to his gut & remain unphased!

Harry said yes & the guy sucker punched him unexpectedly!

Since Houdini had not had time to prepare his muscles, the blow ruptured his appendix!!

Nine days later, Houdini died.

In typical fashion, for him, Houdini vowed to contact the living - if he found it at all possible!

Since then, on the day of his death, some family & fans have waited for him to 'escape' death itself...

6. Gaudeamus is Latin for "let us (enjoy)." This was sometimes spoken as an invitation to eat - before rich Romans gorged & vomited their usual meals.

Ugh...

7. HPL's main revisions for Zealia are: "The Curse of Yig", "The Mound" & "Medusa's Coil."

But, it's thought that Lovecraft re- wrote other works for her. Even though she specialized in romantic stories...

I don't yet know why she suddenly wanted to try the weird fiction market at this time.

To be followed up much later...

8. A tankard of warm British ale?

Tankards are drinking cups with 1 handle. They are usually made of silver, pewter - even hardened leather!

In earlier centuries, most pewter cups contained lead - which led to drinkers suffering heavy metal poisoning &/or gout!!

Strangely enough, the acids in hard cider speeded up these poisonous effects!

As for traditional British ale, it's known as top fermented cast (or real) ale.

This means that it finishes maturing in a pub's cellar & is only served with natural carbonation.

9. Though this line has to do with time's illusory 'passing', I can't help but think there's some hint of Howard's "Decline of the West" fixation in it.

10. Anacreon was an ancient Greek lyric poet best known for his drinking songs & erotica!

Lyric poets of that time, usually composed joyous religious hymns.

Ouch...

Though born in Teos, Asia Minor (in today's Turkey) he moved to Thrace, an area in northeast Greece.

Sadly, only fragments of his works have survived to this day...

11. "God split me!", translates as "God strike me down (if I am lying)!"

But, it also has an element of defiance to it...

12. Red nose (aka "rum blossom" & "whiskey nose") is actually not directly caused by alcohol!!

Rather, such facial redness is actually more related to rosacea, which affects the blood vessels in one's face.

A red nose can also be caused by sudden flushing, lupus, inflammation, allergies, etc...

13. "White as a lily" here, references a corpse's color - due to blood loss.

But, it's usually used to mean "pure, perfect, uncorrupted or blameless, innocent."

Not so of the Lily-White Movement in 1888, where Republikkkans tried to oust African-Americans from leader- ship positions in the Texas Republican Party - by inciting riots!!

So, Republikkkans have always been acting like this...

Lily White is now used sarcastically for white people as a whole. Like white bread or paleface...

14. HPL's always felt that he had been born too late. He preferred the 1700s, thinking of it as England's "Golden Age."

Perukes (wigs) have been part of the professional, high status jobs of judges & lawyers since the 1600s.

They are also worn in Parliament, as a sign of authority.

15. Chaff usually means "the cast off husks of grains seeds."

But, it's also British slang for "teasing" or "good natured banter."

There's a Biblical chaff, in Matthew 3:12, which describes "those who enjoy the sacraments, but are not solid..."

Guessing here, "Folk who go to church but, don't act in a Christian manner?"

16. Quaff, "to drink (an alcoholic drink) in a hearty manner."

Has some great synonyms: attack, lap, force down, drain, carouse, sink, kill, slug, knock back, take a drop, wet one's whistle, crack a bottle, murder, bit, sot, etc...

Most of which describe drinking too much - or, not enough!

17. A teetotaler is someone who never enjoys any alcoholic drinks.

In the 1920s, a tolerance movement of teetotalers (made up of Protestants, Progressives & women) actually made liquor illegal!

But, this led straight into the violence of the Prohibition & the quick growth of the Mob...

(Oops, the curse of unintended consequences strikes again!)

Today, overdrinking is treated as an addictive medical problem.

18. Usually "any diabolically evil & cruel devil, demon, person, etc..."

But, here it means Satan, the ultimate Christian Boogeyman!

19. Your lips & face turn blue - if your blood has little oxygen in it.

This is caused by poor circulation or, worse, if one is unable to breathe.

It warns you that someone's choking or has drowned...

Also, cold temps can narrow one's blood vessels. But, a gentle massage of the affected area, make it return to a normal blood flow.

Weird Bit: Why does it make me think about blue-skinned Indian Gods & those Thuggee highwaymen who strangled their victims to death...

(The blue color personifies the depth & vastness of sky & sea for Hindus...)

20. Summon? A chair?

Is this some drunken royal command?

Or, worse, the magical summoning up of possessed or demonic furniture?

Pleasant dreams, eh?

(Yeah, it's now sharing your bed...)

[spaciousreasoning]

The Sunday of Joy

My blood sugar was down a smidge this morning, to 143. That might have something to do with the real dinner we had last night. We had our morning coffee and played our brain games, then it was off to church, with a couple of the chocolate chip cookies on hand for our breakfast nosh.

Today was the Third Sunday of Advent, also known as Gaudete Sunday, from the Latin for “rejoice.” The word was used in several of the readings today, except the Gospel reading from Luke, which started with John the Baptist calling the crowds a “brood of vipers” then imploring them to be kind to those who were needy. The pink candle on the Advent wreath was the one lighted during today’s service.

Back from church, Nancy and I had ham and turkey sandwiches and chips for lunch. While we munched, we listened to “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me” on Spotify’s podcast channel. The guest was Ketanji Brown Jackson, an Associate Justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.

Then it was nap time, since our sleep last night wasn’t entirely smooth. After that, Nancy bowed out of walking, and I went out solo at about 2:20 p.m. and did 3.8 miles in an hour and ten minutes, an average pace of 18:37 per mile, and a total of 8,400 steps. It was my first real exercise since last Monday, and it felt good to get out while there was a little bit of sunshine.

Nancy cleaned out the fireplace while I was walking, then I set up a fire to be ready when I got back from my Sunday recovery meeting, which I headed out for a little after 5 p.m.

One of the members was celebrating 21 years this evening. His share focused on how chaotic his life was for the 20 years of his active addiction and how much his time in recovery had changed his life. I shared about my week in Virginia and how many of the cousins from that side of the family had problems with addiction, and how grateful I am to have found a solution to that problem.

When I got home, Nancy had dinner ready. She had whipped up the chicken fettuccine Alfredo from Costco and cooked up spinach and zucchini. We had a couple more chocolate chips cookies for dessert.

The evening’s streaming menu started with the ninth episode of “The Lincoln Lawyer,” then we followed that with the first two episodes from “The Sticky,” a dark comedy series set in Canada and very loosely based on the Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist.

The theft of nearly 3,000 tons of maple syrup took place over several months in 2011 and 2012. Taken from a storage facility in Quebec operated by the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, the heist of nearly $20 million Canadian dollars worth of syrup was the most valuable in the country’s history.

[asexualpregnancy]

Getting pregnant as sex-averse ace — how does it work?

DH and I talked, and we’ve decided that we’ll start trying to conceive (TTC) this month (like, in 2 days or so). Feeling a bit nervous about the process, but at least we’re prepared.

We’re on a wait list at our local fertility clinic, so in the meantime, we’ve decided to try at-home intracervical insemination, which is fairly simple and inexpensive compared to IUI or IVF. The process is as follows:

WASH YOUR FREAKING HANDS

Acquire a semen sample in a sterile container. (🍆 + 👋🏼 = 💦)

Wait ~20min while holding sample cup in hand (to keep warm), allowing the semen to completely liquify.

Aspirate sample from specimen cup using slip-tip syringe, maintaining sterility.

Elevate hips with a pillow; place towel underneath to prevent mess on sheets.

Insert syringe into vagina so the sample can be deposited as close to the cervix as possible.

Depress the plunger of the syringe slowly, stopping to reposition if there is any pain or increased pressure

Lie in bed with your hips elevated for at least 30 minutes, ideally longer if possible

Optional — achieve orgasm using whatever external means necessary, as orgasms cause uterine contractions that move sperm closer to the egg, improving chances of fertilization (and thus, pregnancy)

**Lubricant is optional, but be sure to choose a water-based lube advertised as ‘conception friendly’, as some lubes are intentionally spermicidal (acts as a back-up contraceptive)

The products I’ve purchased for this purpose are in the images below, but I’ll also list them here. All prices are in Canadian dollars.

60cc sterile specimen containers x 5 = $10.75

20cc sterile slip tip syringes x 5 = $4.95

Easy @ Home ovulation + pregnancy test kit — 50 ovulation (LH) test strips, 20 pregnancy (hCG) test strips = $26.99

Basal temperature thermometer (temperature readings to two decimal places) = $12.99

I ordered the syringes and specimen containers from Birth Supplies Canada, the test strips from Amazon.ca, and then I went to a Rexall PharmaPlus for the thermometer. I’ve also been using the free version of the Premom iOS app to track my cycle, temps, and LH test results.

The one thing I’m still debating is whether or not we should be trying twice this cycle or just once. Obviously the supplies will last longer if we just give it one go, but there’s a better chance of success if we do two inseminations.

Anyone else tried this at-home (aka ‘turkey baster’) method for getting pregnant? Please tell me about your experience in the comments, or submit your story so I can post it to the blog!

[turkeye-visa]

Unlocking Turkey: A Comprehensive Guide to the Turkey E-Visa for Canadian Citizens:

Are you a Canadian citizen planning a trip to the enchanting land of Turkey? You might be wondering, "Do Canadians need a visa for Turkey?" The good news is that Turkey has streamlined its visa application process, making it easier than ever for Canadians to explore this captivating destination.

Understanding the Basics

Turkey offers an electronic visa (e-Visa) system, providing a convenient and efficient way for travellers to obtain their visas online. This eliminates the need for traditional embassy visits, making the process significantly more straightforward.

The Answer to the Question: Do Canadians Need a Visa for Turkey?

Yes, Canadian citizens do need a visa to enter Turkey, but the process is simplified with the introduction of the e-Visa system. This digital visa allows Canadians to explore the rich history, vibrant culture, and stunning landscapes of Turkey without the complexities of a traditional visa application.

The Advantages of Turkey E-Visa for Canadians

Online Convenience: The Turkey e-Visa application can be completed entirely online, saving Canadian travellers the hassle of visiting a consulate or embassy.

Quick Processing Times: The e-Visa system offers swift processing times, allowing Canadians to plan their trips with confidence and minimal waiting.

Accessible Application Process: The online application form is designed to be user-friendly, with clear instructions provided at every step. Canadians can easily navigate the process, ensuring a smooth and stress-free experience.

How to Apply for Turkey E-Visa as a Canadian Citizen

Prepare Necessary Documents:

Gather essential documents such as a valid passport, 

Complete the Online Application:

Fill out the online application form, providing accurate and up-to-date information. Ensure all details match your travel plans and passport information.

Pay the Visa Fee:

The e-Visa system requires payment of the visa fee, which can be conveniently done online. Keep a copy of the payment confirmation for your records.

Wait for Approval:

After submitting your application, monitor the status online. The e-Visa system typically offers quick processing times, and you will receive notification of approval.

Download and Print E-Visa:

Once approved, download and print a copy of your e-Visa. Carry this document with you during your travels, as it will be required upon entry to Turkey.

Travel Tips for Canadian Citizens Visiting Turkey

Apply in Advance:

Initiate the e-Visa application well in advance of your planned travel date to ensure a stress-free experience.

Stay Informed:

Keep yourself updated on any changes to the e-Visa requirements or travel regulations. Staying informed enhances a smooth travel experience.

Explore Turkey:

With the e-Visa in hand, Canadians are free to explore Turkey's diverse attractions, from the historic sites of Istanbul to the natural wonders of Cappadocia.

Conclusion

The Turkey e-Visa system has revolutionized the visa application process for Canadian citizens, making it more accessible and convenient than ever before. So, to answer the question, "Do Canadians need a visa for Turkey?" Yes, but with the e-Visa system, the process is streamlined, allowing Canadians to focus on the excitement of their upcoming Turkish adventure. Bon voyage!

[thisislizheather]

Autumn List 2023

Above Photo: Is there anything greater than an autumn backyard? (Yes, a snow-covered one obviously, but let’s not be choosy)

The first day of autumn! This is my Christmas morning. I wait all year for this season because it’s the beginning of everything pure: a cold breeze to wake you up in the morning, taking candlelit baths, maple and apple cider flavoured everything, 90s Halloween sitcom episodes and bite-sized candy. A perfect season. Here’s what I’d love to do this fall.

Make an apple flavoured dessert.

Taste a turnip.

Make a homemade pumpkin syrup for iced coffee.

Wear bolder lipsticks.

Watch at least ten horror movies I haven’t seen before.

I’m keeping the list brief because of the million other things I’m planning for the season. I’ll likely go to Downey’s Farm with the family. Costume planning is well underway. I’ll unpack and display all of our autumn/Halloween stuff later today. I’m definitely going to make these leftover stuffing muffins. I have to make final decisions on what’s getting cooked this year for (Canadian/real) Thanksgiving in October. I’ve already been to Salem and to Sleepy Hollow, so I don’t think there’s any seasonal traveling this year. Of course I’ll get Milk Bar’s Thanksgiving croissant IF it’s available in November (last year they stupidly didn’t do them). I will also find leaves and then proceed to look at them. And every year I make a leftover Thanksgiving turkey sandwich but with a different bread each time, so that will obviously happen again.

Above Photo: Leftover Thanksgiving turkey sandwich

Here are some of my past autumn lists incase you’re looking for more ideas of things you might want to do this season. (I really hope you make a list of your own. Yes you may be an adult, but you’re not above it like you think you are.)

Autumn List 2022

Autumn List 2021

Autumn List 2020

Autumn List 2019

Autumn List 2018

Autumn List 2017

Autumn List 2015

I’m also doing an autumn 2023 highlight reel on Instagram that I’ll update each day of the season because I’m a lunatic who’s powers only grow stronger this time of year.

[xtruss]

Four Reasons Leopard 2s & M1 Abrams Will Bite the Dust in Ukraine

The deployment of the recently-donated main battle tanks (MBT) to the Ukrainian conflict zone is unlikely to change the status quo on the ground, military experts claim. And here is why.

"The arrival of NATO tanks in Ukraine is overshadowed by the fact that during the 11 months of the conflict, over 2,000 tanks, including those in service with Ukraine and those supplied to Kiev by the countries of Eastern Europe, were destroyed," explained Russian military expert and analyst Alexey Leonkov.

"Therefore, the arrival of even a hundred or two hundred tanks is unlikely to change this trend," he continued.

According to the military expert, the Ukrainian Armed Forces' MBTs had been largely destroyed with old anti-tank systems and sub-caliber shells. Russia's most modern anti-tank weapons have not been at play in Ukraine yet, he noted.

1. Previous Wars Showed NATO Tanks Aren't 'Wonder Weapon'

Neither the German-made Leopard 2 nor the US M1 Abrams tanks are invincible, Leonkov continued.

This is not a 'wonder weapon' and everyone knows that. These tanks have already participated in various military conflicts with a varying degree of success. These military conflicts can be defined by the term 'colonial wars.' That is, technically developed states used these tanks in fighting against those who had problems with the modern military equipment, that is, with a weak enemy — Alexey Leonkov, Russian military expert and analyst

The Leopards’ first combat experience, and battlefield losses, occurred during the US-led war in Afghanistan. In the course of fighting against the Taliban,* three Canadian and six Danish Leopard 2s were irretrievably lost, with another 15 Canadian Leopards were disabled but repaired.

Likewise, Turkey deployed dozens of its Leopard 2A4 tanks to northern Syria in 2016 and 2018 to fight against Daesh (ISIS)** and Kurdish militias, where a dozen or more of them were knocked out by IEDs, suicide car bombs, or anti-tank guided missiles. Some of these armored vehicles were reportedly destroyed by the Soviet-era anti-tank guided missiles Malyutka ("small one" in Russian).

The M1 Abrams’ debut was during Operation Desert Storm, the US war with Iraq in 1990 and 1991, that aimed to drive the Iraqi army out of Kuwait. Even though the tank performed relatively successfully at the time, several years later, US tank battalions sustained losses in urban combat during Washington's invasion of Iraq. Reportedly, over 80 Abrams had been destroyed by then and 530 more had been forced back to the US for extensive repairs.

Destroyed M1A1 Abrams tank (File) CC0//

2. Surprise Surprise! Russia Has Large Arsenal of Anti-Tank Weapons

"When these tanks arrive in Ukraine, a lot of [Russia's] anti-tank weapons, ground-based, stationary, mobile, air-based, various anti-tank systems will be waiting for them," Leonkov said. "For their part, the T-90M Proryv-3 tanks have modern guns that are capable of penetrating the frontal protection of these [NATO] tanks with armor-piercing sub-caliber projectiles (…) Do not forget that these [NATO] tanks will go without the cover from [Ukraine's] air forces and air-defense systems."

According to Leonkov, both Russia's T-90M and Т-72B3 main battle tanks are equipped with armor-piercing sub-caliber projectiles which could pose a serious challenge to the NATO MBTs. While T-72B3 is an upgrade of the agingT-72B tanks, the T-90M ‘Propyv-3’ has every feature that advanced western tanks enjoy and is quite on par with modern versions of the M1 Abrams and the Leopard 2, according to Russian designers.

T-90MS © Photo: Army-News.RU

In addition, a strike version of the Russian-made Marker robot is also due to be deployed to the Ukraine conflict zone. The robot will be capable of automatically detecting and destroying the German and US-made tanks with anti-tank guided missiles, as Dmitry Rogozin, former director general of the Russian federal space agency Roscosmos, revealed to Sputnik earlier this week.

The [announced] number of [NATO] tanks is absolutely not enough to carry out any kind of tactical or operational-practical operation. Much more tanks are required for that. However, even with an advantage in tanks, it would be difficult for them to overcome the anti-tank weapons systems possessed by Russia — Alexey Leonkov, Russian military expert and analyst

Sending Leopard 2 & M1 Abrams Tanks to Ukraine is NATO's Grave Mistake

3. Deployment Will Take Time, But Russia Won't Wait

Moreover, the German-made and US-made tanks will be sent in batches and are likely to be deployed gradually on the Ukrainian battlefield, Leonid Reshetnikov, retired lieutenant general of Russia's Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR) told Sputnik.

The impact of the Abrams and Leopards [on the situation on the battlefield] will be stretched out over time and will not play a significant role in the next quarter, and maybe even six months. German tanks will arrive no sooner than in a month and a half or two months. The tanks will not arrive in a single package, but at intervals of several weeks. As announced, 31 American tanks Abrams will appear in Ukraine in three four or five months. Training takes an average of 7-8 weeks. Then the question arises as to when and how [Ukrainian] crews will be trained. And this will also affect the effectiveness of these tanks. All this will take time. But no one in Russia will wait until they [get prepared properly] — Leonid Reshetnikov, Retired lieutenant general of Russia's Foreign Intelligence Service (SVR)

German Defense Minister: Ukraine Will Get Leopard 2 Tanks in 3-4 Months at the Earliest

4. NATO Tanks to Face New Challenges for the First Time

At the same time, one shouldn't delude oneself into believing that NATO tanks will be mostly engaged in direct tank duels, Leonkov underscored. International military observers expect that Leopard 2s and M1 Abrams will have to fight in urban conditions and in the fields; amid the spring thaw, summer heat, and winter freeze; against conventional forces, militias, and special operation forces. Some of those challenges the NATO machines will face for the first time, according to observers.

"We will soon see how really effective the Abrams is," Serbian military expert Milovan Bajagic told Sputnik. "We will see its shortcomings while operating on Ukrainian soil; we will see how he gets stuck in the mud or snow (…) Abrams is a very heavy tank. In a bunch of pictures you can see him stuck in the mud (…) It is also vulnerable, as shown in the Gulf War and other conflicts. It is extremely vulnerable, despite powerful armor."

New tanks will be deployed to solve a limited range of tasks as they will be incapable of solving certain problems of a serious strategic offensive, according to Leonkov. The advantage is on the side of Russia, he stressed, adding that it virtually impossible to reverse this advantage with the announced deliveries of NATO battle tanks.

— Ekaterina Blinova | January 27th, 2023

[love-toxin]

ok I'm canadian so thanksgiving was weeks ago for me but. just thinking about being with the fruity four post-vecna when you're all squared up in the Harrington house, living and sleeping and spending all your time together, sharing your lives together as you intended to. but since the holidays are rolling around and your house is by far the biggest for all the guests you wanna invite, you guys are the ones that end up hosting the big turkey dinners and gatherings for the kids and their families to come to. you've even got the Hopper-Byers clan, Hellfire, and uncle Wayne to come, which makes it even more lively--especially since, ironically, the Harrington parents themselves are a no-show.

however, the catch is that none of them really know the nature of your relationship. Dustin has ideas but he's not positive, he just thinks you guys are really close and he heard Eddie calling Steve babygirl so he's assuming there's something going on. also Max has seen you peck Robin on the cheek before. and Mike's caught Steve at Nancy's former bedroom window to get an old knickknack she forgot. and Erika knows for a fact that you like Eddie because she's sat next to you at Hellfire--and she's seen those cheesy hearts circling his name in your notebook. but either way, whatever it is you're doing they really don't mind, and they're just glad to spend the holidays with their favourite honorary older brothers and sisters. it's difficult to be spending such nice quality time with everyone but not be able to show affection to each other, because you just have to pretend you're friends and roommates, bustling around the kitchen to make dinner together and figuring out table settings for all your guests.

but you get lucky when someone fixes up a thatch of mistletoe above the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room, the fist bump/high five combo between El, Max, and Will going unnoticed as they wait for the trap to spring. and when the five of you cycle in and out to bring the food to the table, none of them miss the opportunity to chant "kiss! kiss! kiss!" when two of you get caught underneath. it's a game but also a challenge--can the party members figure out who it is that's actually dating off of a kiss?

needless to say, most of you are quite subtle because you're just happy you get to kiss the ones you love on this special occasion--light pecks and goofy cheek kisses aplenty. but the ass-grabbing and the mouthful of tongue from Eddie when he catches both you and Steve under the mistletoe keeps everyone guessing.

[wrathfulrook]

Far Cry 5 True Facts

Mammals

American Black Bear: Unlike the Canadian Black Bear, these ones are loud, entitled, and don’t apologize after killing you.

Bison: A baby bison is called a “red dog” because the people who name things lack basic education. Also, humans slaughtered 50 million of them. 50 MILLION!

Caribou: Reindeer and caribou are the same animal, only reindeer put on airs because they’re European.

Cougar: Cougars have similar body types to house cats, only on a larger scale. Both types of cats are also giant assholes.

Elk: Elk are vegetarian, but are known to eat meat such as nestlings or bird eggs on rare occasions. Which makes them the animal equivalent of your old college roommate.

Grey Wolf: Wolves develop close relationships and strong social bonds. They are also known to hit the clubs after getting their pump on.

Grizzly Bear: These omnivores are known to eat berries, fish, and, according to the Secretary of Education, children.

Hare: Hares are adamant that they’ve never lost a race and warn everyone against believing FAKE NEWS from the Mainstream Tortoise Media.

Moose: Moose are incredibly near-sighted, but are too cheap to pay for laser eye surgery.

Pronghorn: Pronghorns are the second fastest mammal, behind the cheetah, but cheetahs are almost extinct so the Pronghorns are happy to wait it out.

Rat: A Rat can survive for up to years in the wild, but only about two days in the mob.

Skunk: Skunks will only spray when threatened, as they live life under the principle “don’t start none. won’t be none.”

White Tailed Deer: Like a human, an adult Deer has thirty-two teeth. Unlike a human, it will floss after every meal without fail.

Wild Boar: Wild Boar are like pigs, only they party harder.

Wolverine: They’re the best at what they do, and what they do is secrete a foul smelling yellow liquid from their anal scent glands.

Birds

Bald Eagle: You probably think Bald Eagles are bold, majestic hunters, but they actually eat trash and steal food from other birds. USA! USA! USA!

Duck: Duck penises are corkscrew shaped which is super handy for opening bottles of wine while camping.

Ruffed Grouse: The Ruffed Grouse is a non-migratory bird that forgets the fact that at one time, one of their ancestors migrated from somewhere.

Turkey: These large birds are the main event of every Thanksgiving dinner and signal the beginning of insane sales where people die trying to get a “deal.”

Turkey Vulture: A turkey and a vulture had a regrettable one-night stand. One of them believed life begins at conception and look at that... a new species!

Fish

Largemouth Bass: The Largemouth Bass is similar to the Smallmouth Bass, only that the mouth is larger. Really, it’s all there in the name.

Rock Bass: Rock Bass are fresh water fish who don’t have a problem with being around human activity. They are completely unimpressed by everything we do. Everything.

Smallmouth Bass: It is the male Bass that stays back and guards the eggs. They are the stay-at-home dads of the fish world.

Bull Trout: Bull Trout are an extremely sensitive species that don’t tolerate high levels of sediment in their streams or any other environmental microaggressions.

Golden Trout: Different types of trout are capable of mating and producing viable offspring, but they’ve remained distinct for thousands of years because trout are super racist.

Lake Trout: Lake Trout can be difficult to find because of their preference for cold, dark, and murky lower depths. You can also find them trolling online forums.

Rainbow Trout: Rainbow Trout are the state’s number one game fish and they never shut up about it. We get it, you won. Stop reminding us every day.

Arctic Grayling Salmon: Arctic Graylings can be identified by their colorful and very large dorsal fin. Fly that fin loud and proud, you majestic creatures.

Chinook Salmon: The Chinook swims from the ocean back to freshwater where it spawns then dies. It’s sad, but you can never go home again.

Kokanee Salmon: The Kokanee are land-locked, and only live in freshwater. Like all salmon they die after spawning, which isn’t such a bad way to go really.

Paddlefish Sturgeon: Paddlefish caviar is a hot commodity, but even if you harvest the eggs yourself, you can’t take them outside. Isn’t that just like the government to think they have a say over someone else’s eggs?

Pallid Sturgeon: The Pallid Sturgeon has no teeth. It eats by sucking in its food and that’s why they’re known as the meth heads of the sea.

Plants

Jimson Weed: This nightshade was named “Jamestown weed” after soldiers there ate it and got blasted. YOLO.

Lupine: A wolf-like destroyer of soil quality. They say full moons don’t affect it, but we all know the truth.

Mustard: That yellow condiment in your fridge starts from this plants and is made in another type of plant.

Prairie Fire: It hooks up with neighboring plants, steals nutrients, and gives flowers. Sounds like THAT ex.

Prickly Lettuce: The leaves of this annual are bitter like life itself. Unlike life itself, you can put it in a salad.

[beardedmrbean]

Shamima Begum, who fled the UK and joined the Islamic State group, was smuggled into Syria by an intelligence agent for Canada.

Files seen by the BBC show he claimed to have shared Ms Begum's passport details with Canada, and smuggled other Britons to fight for IS.

Ms Begum's lawyers are challenging the removal of her citizenship, arguing she was a trafficking victim.

Canada and the UK declined to comment on security issues.

Ms Begum was 15 when she and two other east London schoolgirls - Kadiza Sultana, 16, and 15-year-old Amira Abase - travelled to Syria to join the IS group in 2015.

At the main Istanbul bus station, the girls met Mohammed Al Rasheed, who would facilitate their journey to IS-controlled Syria.

A senior intelligence officer, at an agency which is part of the global coalition against IS, has confirmed to the BBC that Rasheed was providing information to Canadian intelligence while smuggling people to IS.

The BBC has obtained a dossier on Rasheed that contains information gathered by law enforcement and intelligence, as well as material recovered from his hard drives, which provide extraordinary detail about how he operated.

He told authorities that he had gathered information on the people he helped into Syria because he was passing it to the Canadian embassy in Jordan.

Shamima Begum cannot return to UK, court rules

Rasheed, who was arrested in Turkey within days of smuggling Ms Begum to IS, told authorities he had shared a photo of the passport the British schoolgirl was using.

The Metropolitan Police were searching for her, although by the time Canada received her passport details, Ms Begum was already in Syria.

The dossier shows that Ms Begum was moved to Syria through a substantial IS people-smuggling network that was controlled from the group's de-facto capital in Raqqa.

Rasheed was in charge of the Turkish side of this network and facilitated the travel of British men, women and children to IS for at least eight months before he helped Ms Begum and her two friends.

Ms Begum told the BBC's forthcoming I'm Not A Monster podcast: "He organised the entire trip from Turkey to Syria… I don't think anyone would have been able to make it to Syria without the help of smugglers.

"He had helped a lot of people come in… We were just doing everything he was telling us to do because he knew everything, we didn't know anything."

Rasheed kept information about the people he helped, often photographing their ID documents or secretly filming them on his phone.

One recording shows Ms Begum and her friends get out of a taxi and into a waiting car not far from the Syrian border.

Rasheed also gathered information about IS, mapping the locations of the homes of Western IS fighters in Syria, identifying IP addresses and locations of internet cafes in IS-controlled territory, and taking screenshots of conversations he was having with IS fighters.

In one conversation, Rasheed spoke to a man believed to be notorious British IS fighter and recruiter, Raphael Hostey, who says to him: "I need you to work under me. Officially… I want you to help us bring people in."

In a follow-up text, Rasheed asks Hostey: "Can you explain a little, please?"

Hostey says: "Same thing that you're doing now, but you work for us bringing equipment, bringing in brothers and sisters". Mohammed Al Rasheed replies: "I am ready, brother."

Rasheed was arrested in the Turkish city of Sanliurfa not long after he had facilitated the girl's journey to Syria.

In a statement to law enforcement, he said that the reason he had gathered information on everyone he had helped, including Shamima, was because "I was passing this information to the Canadian embassy in Jordan".

Rasheed said that in 2013 he had gone to the Canadian Embassy in Jordan to try to apply for asylum. He said: "They told me they were going to grant me my Canadian citizenship if I collect information about the activities of ISIS."

The BBC has been able to confirm that Rasheed passed in and out of Jordan multiple times between 2013 and his arrest in 2015.

Tasnime Akunjee, the lawyer for the Begum family, said there will be a legal hearing in November to challenge the removal of Ms Begum's citizenship and "one of the main arguments" will be that then-Home Secretary Sajid Javid did not consider that she was a victim of trafficking.

"The UK has international obligations as to how we view a trafficked person and what culpability we prescribe to them for their actions," he said.

Mr Akunjee said it was "shocking" that a Canadian intelligence asset was a key part of the smuggling operation - "someone who is supposed to be an ally, protecting our people, rather than trafficking British children into a war zone".

"Intelligence-gathering looks to have been prioritised over the lives of children," he said.

Shamima Begum is now held in a detention camp in north-east Syria, her citizenship was taken away in 2019 after she emerged from the ashes of the so-called IS caliphate.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said intelligence services needed to be "flexible" and "creative in their approaches" to fight terrorism, but "they are bound by strict rules".

"We will continue to ensure that proper oversight is done, and as necessary look at further steps", he added, while speaking at a press conference in Ottawa.

A Canadian Security Intelligence Service spokesman said he could not "publicly comment on or confirm or deny the specifics of CSIS investigations, operational interests, methodologies or activities".

A British government spokesperson said: "It is our long-standing policy that we do not comment on operational intelligence or security matters."

[straykidsupdate]

WAYS YOU CAN HELP

Here’s a list of ways you can help (of course we encourage you to do your own research and to be careful with all the donation links and petitions circulating): We will be updating this list so please reach out to anyone on the team with any links that we may add.

WAYS TO DONATE IF YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY OR CAN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE: All money made through these videos’ adsense will be donated to various place. Turn any ad blockers off and watch them in their full-length without skipping the ads. How to make sure your view is counted

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0d1n0Vm8WU (for Palestine)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gn9HFOyvyxQ (for Palestine)

DONATIONS:

a Twitter thread with donation links for Palestinians in need HERE and HERE

a Twitter thread of places and charities you can donate to help HERE

Human Concern International

Association for India’s Development

Brazil Foundation

a Twitter thread with other charities and ShareTheMeal

feed fasting Palestinians

a Twitter thread with what’s going on in India and places to donate

https://linktr.ee/islamicreliefcanada

a Twitter thread with charities and organizations to materially help Palestinians

Emergency Aid Campaign

GoFundMe for 6 year old Cody

PETITIONS TO SIGN: *Reminder that if you decide to share a petition once you’ve signed it, be careful as it may show your full name. Another reminder is to check your emails after you’ve signed a petition to verify your signature.

a Twitter thread with petitions promoted by Palestinians to help put pressure on states to stop the displacement of families

IMPORTANT CARRDS:

https://savepalestine.carrd.co/

https://resourcespalestine.carrd.co/

https://zenerations.carrd.co/

OTHER LINKS: While these don’t fall under any above categories, I think these are important to share and spread awareness on.

a Google Doc with reliable sources on Palestine

TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGERY // Instagram silencing those sharing stories and posts

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are preventing awareness campaigns

LET’S TALK PALESTINE

How to be an ally with Palestinians

don’t use #.palestinianlivesmatter, instead use #FreePalestine

a mega Tumblr post with what’s going on in India with updates

https://decolonizepalestine.com/

click this once a day *it may take a while but wait for it to load and/or try reloading

a big Twitter thread of information, resources, donation links, and petition links for Palestinians

TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGERY AND CONTENT // a Twitter thread with information and awareness

Twitter thread with what’s going on in Hungary

landback.org

751 unmarked graves found at a Canadian residential school

182 more unmarked graves were found

TRIGGER WARNING: VIOLENCE + HOMOPHOBIA a Twitter thread of what is happening in Georgia

Twitter thread of what is happening in Turkey | Twitter video

Instagram account of what is happening in Turkey

Another Twitter thread of what is happening in Turkey | Twitter video

Wildfires in Greece

Last Updated: 2021/08/07

[thatlowiqbabe]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write something for HoO boys being your boy friend? Also, do you think it’s possible for you to do a trans (ftm) hispanic demiboy? Thanks!

Oh yeah sure! As a Demi-Boy it's my duty!

This is over 900 words so there's gonna be a part two (sorry bout that)

HOO Boys with A Hispanic!Demi-Boy! S/O

Frank Zhang

"Wait your a demi-boy? Like cause you're a demi-god orr"

"Oh okay, totally unrelated gotcha."

You probably came out to Frank after the Son of neptune, scared you'd never get the chance to tell him.

He asked some silly questions but obviously accepted you! He would do more research via internet but demi-gods and phones don't mix

(What do you mean he's been asking other trans demi-gods how to better understand, you obviously got the wrong chinese-canadian shape-shifting son of mars)

Anyway he loves you, and tries to switch pronouns often ❤️ (if you use multiple)

If you're ever feeling dysphoric, he'll turn into an cuddly animal of your choice to make you feel better.

Will turn into a bear and (threaten to)  eat a transphobe

(They probably taste funny lol)

(If you're bilingual) You, him and Jason sit in a circle and speak in spanish, canadian french, and latin, knowing damn well y'all don't understand each other.

Y'all be looking like this

Don't even try having Thanksgiving with him

"Happy Thanksgiving!"

".... I'm canadian."

"Oh, uhhh happy thursday then??"

Like sir, do you want some turkey or not?

Jason Grace

"So wait, if you're a demi-god and a demi-boy do they like cancel each other out?"

"I- baby no—"

"Can I call you God-Boy?"

Y'all give him a minute, boy brain ain't right after getting knocked out so many times 🤣

Being called God-Boy does make you feel powerful ngl

You probably "dated" during hoo, and after you started dating for real came out to him.

Uses both pronouns, like every other paragraph. (If you use multiple)

If you're a greek demi-god, he loves to take you over to Camp Jupiter, and take you on tours around the parthenon and go on dates

If you're roman, he takes you out to Camp half-blood and maybe even tour manhattan!

(Gotta be a group date though, he's been at Camp Jupiter since he was 3 and only left on quests, he don't know where he going)

(If your bilingual) He'll teach you latin if you teach him spanish! It's always cool to know another language, especially if you're partner speaks it.

If you're dysphoric, y'all take naps together.

You don't have to stress, whatever's outside can wait a while, right now it's just you and him ❤️

You're his little God-Boy, he loves you

What do you mean he specifically asked to do whatever chores you had that day? Uh-huh couldn't be him 🛑🖐️ stop playing

Don't let him meet your mortal parent

Boy be so nervous he don't know what to do

"Jason, dear could you pass me the (fav. Food) "

"Yes  (Mr./Mrs/Mx.) L/n, I will have a ham sandwich "

"..."

"..."

"..."

He left with a ham sandwich and a red face

He got invited back over, so it wasn't too bad tho lol

Leo Valdez

He already knew you were a demi-boy!

You probably came out to Leo before y'all started dating, and maybe before y'all knew you were demi-gods, he just has that "yes I'd beat a bitch's ass and lose, and what about it?" Energy y'know??

Obviously you could trust him.

Will try to to use both pronouns, but might stick with one for a while before switching it up and then sticking to one again

Y'all probably talk shit about people together honestly.

Let's be honest, if you were bilingual, with a boyfriend who was also bilingual, and y'all didn't like this one person you'd talk shit right in front of them.

If you're really petty you'd make it obvious too.

If you're ever feeling some dysphoria, don't worry cause Leo got dis-for-ya!

Iamsosorry

But seriously he'll build you tiny trinkets and stuff to help you feel better

Greatifyoureahoarderlikemelol

If you want, you could help him with building, or even build something yourself!

(You: somehow builds a bomb or something equally dangerous

Leo:

)

Y'all like to make smores, and probably sing the campfire song from spongebob while doing it

(Whether it's on Leo or an actual campfire depends on y'all mood)

"OUR C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E  S-O-N-G SONG"

"Hey, you did it without stuttering this time!"

Nico di Angelo

"So you trans your gender??"

"Uh no, I'm transgender, it doesn't work like that—"

"How do you trans your gender?? Is it a like a process to get your gender trans or does it happen all at once?"

This boy a whole boomer, lord have mercy 😭🖐️

Growing up in early 1900's he doesn't really understand, but he'll try.

If he feels like he's bothering you with too many with questions, he'll go bother Annabeth instead.

Uses both pronouns, despite not knowing how you can have more than one. (If you use multiple)

Will do his best to get rid of any internalized transphobia he might have. Even if he grew up around Bianca, it was a hateful time back then and he might have biases.

You're dysphoric, but how??

He understands how dysphoria works, as much as it pains him to know that you're hurting, he didn't understand how it could effect someone like you.

You were much braver than he was, not being outed and actually coming out on your own. You were the man you said you were and more.

Sometimes y'all just lay down outside under a tree and he'll sing to you.

(Y'all know I'm talking about Soldatino don't even play)

Those days can go from bad to okay to great, depending on what y'all do afterward.

Sometimes y'all go out to eat at McDonald's via shadow travel, and I hope you got cash cause the seven gonna want some too lol (this includes Rachel and Will btw)

"So you're ordering (big af order) to go, for just the two of you?"

"We're eating for nine."

"No baby we're eating for eleven remember?"

Cashier, who's just trying to earn they minimum wage:

I don't know how to end this lol

Um part 2 will be out soon, maybe like a day from now if I don't forget lol

Thank you for requesting! I hope it was up to your standards, if not then I hope you enjoyed it anyway, cause I enjoyed writing it!

If you're interested in my writing pls request, I only have one other to do so it might be done soon!

Also, I hope Leo's bilingual hc isn't offensive in anyway. I'm just realizing how rude that may sound. If it is I'll write a new one. I'm not bilingual but if I was that's what I'd do. Again, I hope I didn't come off as ignorant on that hc.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

This Is Still Marvel, Right?

Summary- 2.5k Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes x Wade Wilson x You. Deadpool the character from the comics is sitting across from the table from you, real right in front of your eyes. Not only is time travel a thing, but dimension travel is as well, and he is here for a very serious reason. Warnings- swears. Written for @what-is-your-backupplan-today​ CATFA 10th Anniversary Challenge. Prompts are highlighted. 

Masterlist

“You came from where?” Sam questioned with a tilt of his head, arms folded across his chest as he raised a quizzical brow at the man in all red. 

“And why the clown suit?” Bucky right next to him asked, trying to make sense of what was going on. 

“I’m from the X-Men verse, you know… bald dude in the wheelchair, Wolvie with butter knife hands, we have our own pigeon boy. Not as sweet as your wings though.” Wade said with a sigh. “And we had a Peter, but the winds… god the winds were too strong. I will never forget you Sugar Bear.” He sobbed in his hand a moment, sniffling a moment. 

You were thoroughly in shock, your jaw was dropped to the floor as Wade mother fucking Wilson sat in the interrogation chair, one leg crossed over the other, his ankle jiggling as he leaned forward on his elbows, planting his chin in his palms as he made an cooing sound at the two men. “Aww, they are so cute when they are confused, aren't they cute? The cutest little puppies.” He went to boop Bucky's nose, but Bucky reared his head back away from his hand and a whir of his hand closed around Wade's wrist, which caused the masked mercenary to gasp out excitedly. 

“THE WINTER SOLDIER ARM, VIBRANIUM UPGRADE. I keep telling Cable he needs this hook up, his isn't nearly as cool as yours. Mister Bucky Barnes Sir, can you sign my suit? I’m a super fan.” the white eyes of his mask widened and you finally managed to close your mouth watching all this.

Whatever this was, you were actually wondering if you weren't in some drugged hallucination right now. Mission gone wrong? You had eaten that turkey sandwich out of the compound fridge, maybe it was drugged and this was someone's payback for stealing their food.

“Come on man.” Sam snapped out, still trying to get a straight answer out of him. Bucky let go of his hand which Wade muttered to himself. 

“I'm never washing this hand, not ever.” He cradled it to his chest. “Just wait till I tell Chrome Dome who shook my hand.” 

“ANSWERS!” Bucky yelled out and Wade gasped at the outburst. Bucky reached over to grasp the mask and yanked it off, grimacing as Wade's appearance showed. Both Sam and Bucky recovered quite quickly, you were still freaking out in the corner and Wade gave a suggestive wink to the two of them. 

“Names Wilson, Wade Wilson. No relation to this saucy stud though.” He eyed Sam up and down with a purr, who scoffed at the sudden attention. “Don't worry, I know that one is crushing on you hard. The chemistry. I won't make a move on you. Winter Soldier though is fair game, eh?” He made a chef’s kiss motion after pointing at you. “So are you two… do you… fondue?” Wade asked, Sam and You looked at each other and made disbelieving faces at one another. “Oh we're not admitting feelings? My bad. I jumped ahead in the comics. So much sexual tension.” Making a donut shape with one hand and a pointer with the other, meshing them together, you could feel your throat close up and Sam’s eyes widen. Bucky was struggling to keep his calm at this point, Sam too. Wade made a motion to stand and get up. 

“Do we have any eats here?” He puts his hand on the handle to open the door and a knife flung through the air, landing right next to his face. Wade paused and turned around. “Here I thought this was still Marvel and not Dc. Tony would have offered me a snack by now.” He grumbled while sitting back down. “A falafel, blueberries, I know he likes to snack, I've seen the movies.” 

You finally got over your shock and went to sit across from him. “Mr.Wilson…” 

He put up a hand. “Pool please, Deadpool. Or Wade. Or you can call me Captain Deadpool. Too much?” He glanced up at Sam and Bucky. “Yea too much, just call me Wade.” 

“Wade.” you started again, trying to figure out how to approach this. “We’re confused, because you are a comic book character.” You pulled up your phone and pulled up a screen clip of his movie. 

Wade gasped and grabbed at your phone, studying it. “Look at that handsome son of a bitch. I'm so glad they picked Ryan Reynolds for the part, he looks just like me.” He held the phone up next to his face. “He’s so good looking, it's the Canadian genes.” Then handed it back, you tucked it away and he leaned forward to toss what looked like a beat up comic book on the table.

“What’s this?” You question, pointing at it.

“A comic book. You guys are just comic book characters and I'm here to fix your story. What? You seriously didn't know you are comic book characters in another universe?” 

“Our story?” You pulled the comic towards you and sure enough plastered on the front was Sam in his Falcon Suit, Bucky with his own gear and you were soaring in the air above slightly out of focus. 

“Yes, your story. Listen Cable, you all know Cable right? He's like a moodier you Buckaroo…” The name caused Bucky to growl a bit, but Wade continued without noticing. “... hooked me up with this cool device. Not like those stones you all have, this is some actual batman kind of future fuckery that I got rigged to not just travel back in time. But other dimensions. Whoo... “ He made wiggly fingers. “It's like magic right? Cool.” 

You were flipping through the pages as fast as possible, skimming the storyline. Amazingly all of it was there, the mission report Nick Fury brought Sam this morning, you and Bucky sparring and how he pinned you against the mat, the heart to heart about how you two missed Steve. 

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose while Bucky looked over your shoulder at the comic book. “I'm getting a headache, or I'm losing it. Did I get hit in the head?” Sam rambled a bit and you got to the end of the comic, seeing that the mission Fury had given you three was completed, successfully. 

“Says there we did just fine.” Bucky said and you closed it before pushing it towards the center of the table. 

“It's not all just fine.” Wade threw up his hands in exasperation and you shook your head so confused. 

“Explain it to us Wade.” You grasped the comic again, flipping through it, scanning the pages as quick as you can. 

“Go to page 53.” He tapped his finger against the steel table and you did, the panel showing you and Sam standing on a roof top about to enter a building from above and Bucky was shown in another panel scaling a building. 

“I don't see it…” you shook your head confused as to what he was talking about and Wade pointed at the bottom, that was just barely in view. A hot dog cart. 

“You are here, from another dimension of life… because of a hot dog cart?” 

Wade nodded firmly. “If we don't protect that hot dog cart, bad things will happen.” His voice lowered, turning shifty. “Spooky stuff… anal stuff.” He shuddered and sat back, staring at the hot dog cart in the bottom of the picture. “If we don't protect that hot dog cart, it causes issues you couldn't even fathom. Another life just poof… what did y’all call it? Spanked out of existence?”

You just automatically corrected him. “Snapped.”

“Spanked sounds better, maybe consider changing it to spanked?” 

Sam cleared his throat. “You traveled through dimensions to get here so we could save a hot dog cart? I'm just- trying to keep it all straight. This isn't entirely the weirdest thing I have heard, but it's close.” 

Bucky scoffed. “I say this guy needs some help, maybe his brain got scrambled like mine.” 

“Nah, I didn't get the mind trip you did. I was tortured by a guy named Francis.” Wade snorted gleefully. “Called himself Ajax, like the dish soap!” Slapping his knee, he busted out laughing heavily, starting to cry. 

You rubbed at your face and looked over your shoulder. “I think we should trust him guys. What if what he says is true? We’ve dealt with crazy shit before.” 

“You can't be serious Y/N.” Bucky shook his head and Sam looked doubtful. Wade giggled as he wiped a tear from his eye, pointing a finger at you. 

“I like you, you're the smart one here I can tell.” 

You all turned to Sam who hadn't said anything yet. He sighed and rubbed at his face a bit, before finally saying under his breath. “I'm never going to hear the end of this… Lets take him.” 

Wade did a fist pump in victory, leaping up to grab his mask back from Bucky. “X-Force Ass-” You were quick to cover his mouth, leaving the “-emble” garbled. 

“He's going to get us killed, Wilson.” 

“I said to call me Deadpool or Captain Deadpool.” 

“I WAS TALKING TO HIM!” Bucky jerked his thumb at Sam, gritting his teeth while he yanked open the door and left the room. Deadpool followed after him, the next thing you heard was Bucky hollar. “I'm going to kick your ass Prick.” 

“Will you? You're making me all excited. Like a fairy making a little girl's wishes come true, I feel like I could fly.” 

Then you and Sam heard something loud crack and Wade’s cooing grew fainter. “Nice boots, Tinkerbell!” 

You snatched the comic book and stuffed it in your back pocket. “Uh we probably better go stop Bucky. It's pointless for him to try to kill Wade and will just tire himself out.” 

Sam opened the door, holding it open for you. “Should we really take that away from him?” 

“True and it sounds like Wade is having himself a fan moment anyways and doesn't care.” You stepped out to see Bucky and Wade tangled together wrestling.

Just as the comic stated, You and Sam were able to go in from the top. You could see Bucky below you using rigging to scale the building. Down further below you could see a red dot pushing a hot dog cart down the street well out of harm. Speaking into the comm’s, your wings folded to pull you into a spiral, spinning towards the roof. “Wade’s got the cart moved, and were clear to enter.” 

There was a grunt in the comms and Bucky's voice crackled through. “Well damn, I'm glad the hot dog cart is safe… for reasons spanning an entire dimension that we still don't know.” 

“Who are we to question it, Bucky? I mean, we’ve seen some pretty strange shit.” You stated as Sam landed next to you, shooting at the door and ducking inside together. “Maybe this is just another one to add to the pile.” 

Silence descended on the group as you each made to fulfill the mission. Once the building was clear and the three of you were working on exiting, Wade was waiting on the roof, sitting on the edge eating a hot dog and had three more lined up next to him. “I brought you all lunch, you guys do that sort of thing right? Good Mission? yes I bet. Buckaroo has the happy murder gleam in his eyes.” He took another bite of his hot dog and chewed while studying Bucky closely. 

“Don't do that.” Bucky shuddered a bit and Wade proceeded to pop the last bite into his mouth and chewed slowly while rolling the bottom half of his mask down. 

“Do what Buckaroo?” 

“Stare at me or call me Buckaroo.” 

“While eating a hot dog? Only way to properly eat one. I know you love it James. Well my mission here is done.” He pushed off the ledge to give you a hug and handed you a manilla envelope. “This is for you, it explains everything. Toodleloo Kiddies, it was fun knowing you. Oh and if you see Hugh Jackman on the street, tell him his coffee sucks and bitch slap the prick.” He jumped back on the ledge and looked over the edge. “Oh this is gonna kill my knees but this is a true superhero moment. Wait for it…” He gave you all a salute and stepped over, plummeting down. Sam and Bucky rushed the edge, looking over. 

You knew better, a superhero landing wouldn't kill him. 

“NAILED IT!” you three barely heard, then in a flash of sparks, Deadpool was gone. 

“I thought for sure he was going to pancake down there.” Bucky said with a hint of sadness and Sam shook his head. 

“We gotta get out of here before we're caught and get this back to Fury.” Sam held up a chip that held the actual intel of the mission. 

You silently agreed and together the three of you made your way off the building and back home. 

Afterwards once you were back in the tower and changing out of your suit, you glanced at the manilla envelope Wade left you. 

Sitting down on the bench, you opened it and peeked in. What looked like another comic book was in there as well as a letter. Pulling out the letter, you scanned it. 

~To the Super Duper Trio, 

Thank you for believing me. It was crucial. We're not the only comic book verse out there living our lives. Sometimes they cross intersect in ways that I can't explain, go find the wizard, he can tell you more about it. Also ask him to your next party, because he can do the COOLEST TRICKS. But if you take out the comic book enclosed you will see on page 23 there is a hot dog cart as well as a familiar looking dork named Jake Jensen. Alias- Capt Jensen. 

Perhaps your Captain is alive in some way, the DC universe having changed him to a loveable, cat hating, Petunias loving, super smart idiot.

Tell Birdman thanks for the vote of confidence, caw caw mother fucker.

Tell Buckaroo he forgot to sign my suit, I will be back. He is my favorite after all. 

And what I wanna tell you is take care of those idiots so they dont kill each other. 

With Love, 

Captain Deadpool

Ps- Yes Cap’s as awkward with women in DC as he was in Marvel. 

Pss- Welcome to X-Force! I will be in touch. 

You pulled out the comic book and glanced at the cover seeing six people staring down, the title of the comic- The Losers. Flipping to the page, you found a photograph tucked in between the pages, showing another version of the page. One where the street looked demolished and a man lying crumbled by a cart. Also a familiar hot dog cart leaned on its side, demolished. 

Setting the picture aside, now you glanced over this panel to see the same man making a show of pulling out a crossbow, the bubble above his head with the words “That’s right, bitches, I got a crossbow!” 

The scene didn't really surprise you that much, more like the character now alive in the comic looked just like Steve. 

A thinner version, he had facial hair, and the entire get up was never anything Steve would have willingly worn. 

But it looked just like Steve Rogers and for the second time that day your jaw dropped. 

Maybe Wade Wilson was right, after all… 

Nothing was off limits and stranger things have happened.

[penaltbox]

ah you have to love a classic chocolate chip. hahaha fresh out of the oven is the way to go. but im also thankful when other people eat them otherwise i would eat them all and my body does not like eating that much sugar lol.

it was such a cute sunday! i have been asked to do some babysitting soon. and this weekend i ended up saying screw it to my work. and joined T and his family for Canadian thanksgiving. it was really nice. i met some of his extended family and they were so sweet to me. everyone was excited that T “brought home a girl”. we havent totally made a big kid decision but there are talks 🙈 will keep you updated. and T sending me the gym pics today as a distraction. hes so mean 😫 but then he came over to cuddle while i did my work lol. which was also distracting but very welcome hahaha

First of all I LOVE that you went back to Canadian turkey day!! That’s so fun! How was it? Was his family excited to see you? Do they eat the same stuff as we do? I’m obviously very curious lol. Somewhat patiently waiting for the adult talks update but I’m sure there’s plenty of other stuff going on lately. Gym pics sound like a great distraction 👀👀 lol. Cuddling is also always fun. I made the ex turned back into boyfriend do that a ton yesterday 🙈 but anyways! I hope school is still going well and that you’re loving it!!