#vietnam country tour

[threeland-travel]

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[froody]

no but I love when passport bros uproot their lives to go to another country to find a wife because “American women are all stupid ugly slutty stuck-up bitches who won’t give me a chance” and then the women of Poland or Nigeria or Vietnam or whatever country he landed in are like “we don’t want you either. because you’re a total loser.” like I’m so sorry he escaped to bother women abroad but oh my got we love to see a loser go on a worldwide losing tour

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The majority of censorship is self-censorship

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me TONIGHT in SAN DIEGO (Feb 22, Mysterious Galaxy). After that, it's LA (Saturday night, with Adam Conover), Seattle (Monday, with Neal Stephenson), then Portland, Phoenix and more!

I know a lot of polymaths, but Ada Palmer takes the cake: brilliant science fiction writer, brilliant historian, brilliant librettist, brilliant singer, and then some:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/10/monopoly-begets-monopoly/#terra-ignota

Palmer is a friend and a colleague. In 2018, she, Adrian Johns and I collaborated on "Censorship, Information Control, & Information Revolutions from Printing Press to Internet," a series of grad seminars at the U Chicago History department (where Ada is a tenured prof, specializing in the Inquisition and Renaissance forbidden knowledge):

https://ifk.uchicago.edu/research/faculty-fellow-projects/censorship-information-control-information-revolutions-from-printing-press/

The project had its origins in a party game that Ada and I used to play at SF conventions: Ada would describe a way that the Inquisitions' censors attacked the printing press, and I'd find an extremely parallel maneuver from governments, the entertainment industry or other entities from the much more recent history of internet censorship battles.

With the seminars, we took it to the next level. Each 3h long session featured a roster of speakers from many disciplines, explaining everything from how encryption works to how white nationalists who were radicalized in Vietnam formed an armored-car robbery gang to finance modems and Apple ][+s to link up neo-Nazis across the USA.

We borrowed the structure of these sessions from science fiction conventions, home to a very specific kind of panel that doesn't always work, but when it does, it's fantastic. It was a natural choice: after all, Ada and I know each other through science fiction.

Even if you're not an sf person, you've probably heard of the Hugo Awards, the most prestigious awards in the field, voted on each year by attendees of the annual World Science Fiction Convention (Worldcon). And even if you're not an sf fan, you might have heard about a scandal involving the Hugo Awards, which were held last year in China, a first:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/science-fiction-authors-excluded-hugo-awards-china-rcna139134

A little background: each year's Worldcon is run by a committee of volunteers. These volunteers put together bids to host the Worldcon, and canvass Worldcon attendees to vote in favor of their bid. For many years, a group of Chinese fans attempted to field a successful bid to host a Worldcon, and, eventually, they won.

At the time, there were many concerns: about traveling to a country with a poor human rights record and a reputation for censorship, and about the logistics of customary Worldcon attendees getting visas. During this debate, many international fans pointed to the poor human rights record in the USA (which has hosted the vast majority of Worldcons since their inception), and the absolute ghastly rigmarole the US government subjects many foreign visitors to when they seek visas to come to the US for conventions.

Whatever side of this debate you came down on, it couldn't be denied that the Chinese Worldcon rang a lot of alarm-bells. Communications were spotty, and then the con was unceremoniously rescheduled for months after the original scheduled date, without any good explanation. Rumors swirled of Chinese petty officials muscling their way into the con's administration.

But the real alarm bells started clanging after the Hugo Award ceremony. Normally, after the Hugos are given out, attendees are given paper handouts tallying the nominations and votes, and those numbers are also simultaneously published online. Technically, the Hugo committee has a grace period of some weeks before this data must be published, but at every Worldcon I've attended over the past 30+ years, I left the Hugos with a data-sheet in my hand.

Then, in early December, at the very last moment, the Hugo committee released its data – and all hell broke loose. Numerous, acclaimed works had been unilaterally "disqualified" from the ballot. Many of these were written by writers from the Chinese diaspora, but some works – like an episode of Neil Gaiman's Sandman – were seemingly unconnected to any national considerations.

Readers and writers erupted in outrage, demanding to know what had happened. The Hugo administrators – Americans and Canadians who'd volunteered in those roles for many years and were widely viewed as being members in good standing of the community – were either silent or responded with rude and insulting remarks. One thing they didn't do was explain themselves.

The absence of facts left a void that rumors and speculation rushed in to fill. Stories of Chinese official censorship swirled online, and along with them, a kind of I-told-you-so: China should never have been home to a Worldcon, the country's authoritarian national politics are fundamentally incompatible with a literary festival.

As the outrage mounted and the scandal breached from the confines of science fiction fans and writers to the wider world, more details kept emerging. A damning set of internal leaks revealed that it was those long-serving American and Canadian volunteers who decided to censor the ballot. They did so out of a vague sense that the Chinese state would visit some unspecified sanction on the con if politically unpalatable works appeared on the Hugo ballot. Incredibly, they even compiled clumsy dossiers on nominees, disqualifying one nominee out of a mistaken belief that he had once visited Tibet (it was actually Nepal).

There's no evidence that the Chinese state asked these people to do this. Likewise, it wasn't pressure from the Chinese state that caused them to throw out hundreds of ballots cast by Chinese fans, whom they believed were voting for a "slate" of works (it's not clear if this is the case, but slate voting is permitted under Hugo rules).

All this has raised many questions about the future of the Hugo Awards, and the status of the awards that were given in China. There's widespread concern that Chinese fans involved with the con may face state retaliation due to the negative press that these shenanigans stirred up.

But there's also a lot of questions about censorship, and the nature of both state and private censorship, and the relationship between the two. These are questions that Ada is extremely well-poised to answer; indeed, they're the subject of her book-in-progress, entitled Why We Censor: from the Inquisition to the Internet.

In a magisterial essay for Reactor, Palmer stakes out her central thesis: "The majority of censorship is self-censorship, but the majority of self-censorship is intentionally cultivated by an outside power":

https://reactormag.com/tools-for-thinking-about-censorship/

States – even very powerful states – that wish to censor lack the resources to accomplish totalizing censorship of the sort depicted in Nineteen Eighty-Four. They can't go from house to house, searching every nook and cranny for copies of forbidden literature. The only way to kill an idea is to stop people from expressing it in the first place. Convincing people to censor themselves is, "dollar for dollar and man-hour for man-hour, much cheaper and more impactful than anything else a censorious regime can do."

Ada invokes examples modern and ancient, including from her own area of specialty, the Inquisition and its treatment of Gailileo. The Inquistions didn't set out to silence Galileo. If that had been its objective, it could have just assassinated him. This was cheap, easy and reliable! Instead, the Inquisition persecuted Galileo, in a very high-profile manner, making him and his ideas far more famous.

But this isn't some early example of Inquisitorial Streisand Effect. The point of persecuting Galileo was to convince Descartes to self-censor, which he did. He took his manuscript back from the publisher and cut the sections the Inquisition was likely to find offensive. It wasn't just Descartes: "thousands of other major thinkers of the time wrote differently, spoke differently, chose different projects, and passed different ideas on to the next century because they self-censored after the Galileo trial."

This is direct self-censorship, where people are frightened into silencing themselves. But there's another form of censorship, which Ada calls "middlemen censorship." That's when someone other than the government censors a work because they fear what the government would do if they didn't. Think of Scholastic's cowardly decision to pull inclusive, LGBTQ books out of its book fair selections even though no one had ordered them to do so:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/06/books/scholastic-book-racism-maggie-tokuda-hall.html

This is a form of censorship outsourcing, and it "multiplies the manpower of a censorship system by the number of individuals within its power." The censoring body doesn't need to hire people to search everyone's houses for offensive books – it can frighten editors, publishers, distributors, booksellers and librarians into suppressing the books in the first place.

This outsourcing blurs the line between state and private surveillance. Think about comics. After a series of high-profile Congressional hearings about the supposed danger of comics to impressionable young minds, the comics industry undertook a regime of self-censorship, through which the private Comics Code Authority would vet comings for "dangerous" content before allowing its seal of approval to appear on the comics' covers. Distributors and retailers refused to carry books without a CCA stamp, so publishers refused to publish books unless they could get a CCA stamp.

The CCA was unaccountable, capricious – and racist. By the 60s and 70s, it became clear that comic about Black characters were subjected to much tighter scrutiny than comics featuring white heroes. The CCA would reject "a drop of sweat on the forehead of a Black astronaut as 'too graphic' since it 'could be mistaken for blood.'" Every comic that got sent back by the CCA meant long, brutal reworkings by writers and illustrators to get them past the censors.

The US government never censored heroes like Black Panther, but the chain of events that created the CCA "middleman censors" made sure that Black Panther appeared in far fewer comics starring Marvel's most prominent Black character. An analysis of censorship that tries to draw a line between private and public censorship would say that the government played no role in Black Panther's banishment to obscurity – but without Congressional action, Black Panther would never have faced censorship.

This is why attempts to cleanly divide public and private censorship always break down. Many people will tell you that when Twitter or Facebook blocks content they disagree with, that's not censorship, since censorship is government action, and these are private actors. What they mean is that Twitter and Facebook censorship doesn't violate the First Amendment, but it's perfectly possible to infringe on free speech without violating the US Constitution. What's more, if the government fails to prevent monopolization of our speech forums – like social media – and also declines to offer its own public speech forums that are bound to respect the First Amendment, we can end up with government choices that produce an environment in which some ideas are suppressed wherever they might find an audience – all without violating the Constitution:

https://locusmag.com/2020/01/cory-doctorow-inaction-is-a-form-of-action/

The great censorious regimes of the past – the USSR, the Inquisition – left behind vast troves of bureaucratic records, and these records are full of complaints about the censors' lack of resources. They didn't have the manpower, the office space, the money or the power to erase the ideas they were ordered to suppress. As Ada notes, "In the period that Spain’s Inquisition was wildly out of Rome’s control, the Roman Inquisition even printed manuals to guide its Inquisitors on how to bluff their way through pretending they were on top of what Spain was doing!"

Censors have always done – and still do – their work not by wielding power, but by projecting it. Even the most powerful state actors are not powerful enough to truly censor, in the sense of confiscating every work expressing an idea and punishing everyone who creates such a work. Instead, when they rely on self-censorship, both by individuals and by intermediaries. When censors act to block one work and not another, or when they punish one transgressor while another is free to speak, it's tempting to think that they are following some arcane ruleset that defines when enforcement is strict and when it's weak. But the truth is, they censor erratically because they are too weak to censor comprehensively.

Spectacular acts of censorship and punishment are a performance, "to change the way people act and think." Censors "seek out actions that can cause the maximum number of people to notice and feel their presence, with a minimum of expense and manpower."

The censor can only succeed by convincing us to do their work for them. That's why drawing a line between state censorship and private censorship is such a misleading exercise. Censorship is, and always has been, a public-private partnership.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/22/self-censorship/#hugos

[astrobiscuits]

Astro obs part 9

🐌 The planets in your 12th house indicate your sleeping style:

Sun in 12th house - their sleep schedule is extremely messed up; for them, daylight hours = nighttime hours and vice versa, so they have trouble being themselves during the day; their true self comes out at night

Moon in 12th house - goes to sleep very late; full moons have a special effect on these people; their intuition is more clear at night; as kids, they probably slept a lot with their mother

Mercury in 12th house - loves texting/calling people late at night; they might journal their thoughts before sleep because they overthink a lot and it helps to clear their mind or maybe they just like to relax by reading a book at night

Venus in 12th house - cares a lot about getting their "beauty sleep"; sleeps with sleep masks on, buys expensive bed lingerie, skincare night routine might be very important; loves sleeping in general lmao

Mars in 12th house - enjoys working out before going to sleep, can go to sleep angry because they tend to get into conflict more at night than during the day

I have Uranus in 12th house and i can be both a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper, depending on where i am. For example, when i'm traveling, during the first night i wake up several times, but from the second night on i sleep like a baby lmao. Another thing would be that i can't sleep in a quiet car but i don't have any problem sleeping during a thunderstorm

🐌 Mars in fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sag) and Mars in 3rd house individuals love riding motorbikess

🐌 While Mars in 9th house peeps would probably love to go on a world tour on their motorbike. The sign ruling their 9th house represents the countries they would love to visit (i'm aware that some of these can only be visited by plane, take it with a grain of salt): 

♈ in 9th house: Ireland, Poland, Japan, Zimbabwe

♉ in 9th house: Cuba, Paraguay, South Africa, East Timor

♊ in 9th house: Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Montenegro

♋ in 9th house: Canada, USA, Bahamas, Argentina, Slovenia, Madagascar

♌ in 9th house: Hawaii, France, Italy, The Netherlands, India, South Korea, Peru, Bolivia

♍ in 9th house: Switzerland, Mexico, Brazil, Chile, Vietnam

♎ in 9th house: Belgium, Portugal, China, Equatorial Guinea, Lesotho

♏ in 9th house: Panama, Spain, Turkey, Arab countries (Saudi Arabia, UAE), Palestine, Lebanon

♐ in 9th house: Finland, Lithuania, Romania, Tanzania, Thailand

♑ in 9th house: UK, Germany, Czech Republic, Australia, Camerun

♒ in 9th house: Greece, New Zealand, Philippines, Singapore, Sri Lanka

♓ in 9th house: Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, Mauritius, Saint Lucia

🐌 I have a feeling Pisces Suns like to spend their time in a garage lmao. Mostly because their opposing sign, Virgo, would hate to spend time in a garage due to how dirty it can get.

🐌As a 7th house Sun who's been in love for almost a year now (haha, are we surprised, ofcours not; i'm not even in a relationship with him but ugh we're so perfect for each other), i realised that Sun in 7th house people tend to behave differently with their partner when they're in a healthy relationship vs when they're in a toxic one

Sun in 7th house in:

♈ Aries in a healthy relationship: empowers their partner, knows how to balance me time vs us time in a healthy manner, encourages their partner to take safe risks

♈ Aries in an unhealthy relationship: impulsive, impatient, selfish, dismisses their partner's feelings, often controlled by rage, prone to abusing their partner

♉ Taurus in a healthy relationship: veryyy generous (their love language is gift giving), accommodating to their partner's wants and needs, cooks for their partner

♉ Taurus in an unhealthy relationship: stubborn af, hard to please, focused more on the material gain from their partner rather than the love they share

♊ Gemini in a healthy relationship: curious, always lightens the mood of their partner by cracking up tons of jokes or telling them funny stories, knows that communication is key to everything so they're not afraid to discuss serious topics, teaches their partner a lot of random stuff

♊ Gemini in an unhealthy relationship: superficial, doesn't have a problem moving on from their partner to another person in a matter of seconds, if they're still in school/college, then they prioritize studying over their partner

♋ Cancer in a healthy relationship: nurturing, knows how to balance babying their partner vs being babied by their partner, emotionally vulnerable, feels safe enough to present their partner to their family early on in the relationship

♋ Cancer in a unhealthy relationship: if they don't trust their partner, they tend to become emotionally closed off to hide their deep sadness; defensive, but if their partner attackes them, then they'll hide, worries excessively, avoids presenting their partner to their family

♌ Leo in a healthy relationship: treats their partner like the king/queen they are, keeps their ego in check so it doesn't interfere with the relationship, if they've got artistic talents (music, acting, art etc.), they'll show their love for their partner by performing in front of them

♌ Leo in an unhealthy relationship: egocentric, shows off their partner/relationship too much out of pride, often feels entitled in the relationship and wants to be put on a pedestal by their partner

♍ Virgo in a healthy relationship: selfless to a healthy degree, remembers every lil detail from every casual conversations with their partner just to please them, remembers every important date and plans ahead for it, takes care of their partner when they're sick

♍ Virgo in a unhealthy relationship: critical, overfixates on past hurts and mistakes that their partner made in the relationship (often times their partner doesn't even remember those things because they're usually not that serious), loves their pets more than their partner

♎ Libra in a healthy relationship: romantic, charismatic, truly values their partner and the relationship with them, acts fair in the relationship, teaches their partner lovingly about the importance of honesty, truth and a healthy give and take dynamic in a relationship

♎ Libra in an unhealthy relationship: doesn't prioritize the relationship; instead, they flirt with others despite being in a relationship, emotionally detached, cold and calculated in their current relationship

♏ Scorpio in a healthy relationship: loyal, loves their partner deeply and intensely, but without suffocating them, keeps their partner's secrets like they're a locked safe box with no public access

♏ Scorpio in an unhealthy relationship: obsessive, manipulative, seeks to dominate their partner, displays stalkish behaviour in the relationship, liar

♐ Sagittarius in a healthy relationship: exposes their partner to various cultures, belief systems and philosophies to expand their mind and form their own opinion on certain topics, loves freely but is still able to maintain a long-term relationship, improves their partner's mood, usually brings an element of surprise and excitement to the relationship

♐ Sagittarius in an unhealthy relationship: travels in order to avoid dealing with their partner, parties a bit too much, doesn't take the relationship seriously

♑ Capricorn in a healthy relationship: loves their partner in a mature, serious and secure manner, doesn't shy away from improving their partner's social status and/or career if they can, discusses plans for the future (getting married, having kids, adopting pets, buying a house) with their partner early on in the relationship, they make time for their partner, despite the fact that they're busy most of the time

♑ Capricorn in an unhealthy relationship: displays no emotions or physical affection in the relationship, has a hard time communicating their thoughts with their partner, settles in a relationship for the wrong reasons (money/kids/safety/"i'm getting old and i need to have my life established"), prioritizes work/career over their partner

♒ Aquarius in a healthy relationship: flexible, makes their partner's dreams and aspirations come true (whether they're related to the relationship or not), has got a very open-minded attitude towards their partner's opinions, lifestyle and identity, takes the time to become friends firsts with their future partner because they value a relationship built on solid foundation (often times their partner is also their best friend), knows how to balance couple time vs time with friends

♒ Aquarius in an unhealthy relationship: displays wishy-washy behaviour, emotionally detached, prioritizes their friends over their partner, seeks online validation from strangers and acquaintances to fulfill their needs

♓ Pisces in a healthy relationship: sensitive to their partner's emotions, knows how to balance wearing their heart on their sleeve vs hiding their emotions in unfavourable circumstances, always honest with their partner

♓ Pisces in an unhealthy relationship: prone to drown their relationship problems and sorrows in alcohol, drugs and meds for mental health issues, runs away from problems instead of dealing with them with their partner, displays dishonesty to a fault, prone to self-sabotage

[1lovehanni]

Vacation in Vietnam (Hanni of Newjeans)

Hanni x Male Reader Word count: 4440 words Summary: You intended to travel to well-known locations and enjoy delicious cuisine while on a relaxing and enjoyable vacation in Vietnam. However, something better than what you had anticipated occurred.

After a year of a successful debut and comeback, Newjeans finally got their deserved break. Each member planned their Vacation. Minji, Haerin, and Hyein with their family in South Korea, Danielle going back to Australia, and Hanni visiting her birth place in Vietnam. 

"Can't wait to explore and meet tokkis in Vietnam" Hanni talking to herself while waiting in line.

You always want to visit Southeast Asia, some of your friends recommend going to the Philippines or Indonesia, but while researching for countries with great places, food, and people. You've decided to go to Vietnam. At first, you're worried since you will go alone and don't know anybody in Vietnam, but in the end you thought, there will be people to help you in Vietnam. 

Arriving in Hanoi, Vietnam. It's really different from your home country. While waiting for a cab, a woman bumped you accidentally. 

"Oh! Sorry" Hanni apologies 

"No worries, look above when your walking" you said to her

"Thanks haha, I was waiting for my uber, but it seems he won't be able to pick me up" Hanni explained

"Oh, are you from here?, It looks like your Vietnamese" 

"Ah yes, I was born here, hmm are you a traveller?"

"Yeah, this is actually my first time travelling alone"

"Hmm, that's good to hear. Enjoy travelling to Vietnam!"

"Thanks, you too"

A cab pulled, you asked the cab driver for the Haiti hotel. You then sit inside the car. The driver then asked if anyone in the line of waiting passengers if someone would be dropping near the Haiti hotel, one passenger answered. The driver then let the passenger come in.

"Is this a thing here in Vietnam, Sir?"

"Oh, sorry. There's a shortage of Cab at the moment"

"Oh"

"Thanks, for letting me, I am dropping in Haiti hotel too" Hanni exclaimed

You look at her, hearing the same voices that you just talked to in the line just a few moments ago.

"Oh, your Hotel is in Haiti too" 

"Ahhh, you. Yes yes, haha"

"I am Y/N btw, sorry for not mentioning"

"I am Hanni" Hanni said while winking, thinking you would know her.

"Nice name, by chance do you know any tour guide person that knows Vietnam well?"

Hanni's facial expression from wanting to meet a tokki changed when you didn't recognize her.

"Oh, um, You know what, I can be your Your guide, I also wanna your my birthplace again"

"Really?, Don't you have any plan"

"Not really, lol too busy to plan before going here, so I was gonna wing it, but a companion would be great"

"Oh, thank you so much, don't worry I'll pay you too"

"No, no, I'll do it for free, haha"

"No, I insist, I'll pay you"

"Fine, fine"

The cab stopped, arriving at the Haiti hotel, both of you walked to the counter. 

"So, how can I contact you Hanni, do you want to start tomorrow?"

"Yeah, yeah, tomorrow sounds great. Umm, this is my IG"

"See you tomorrow" you said to her while waving

In your mind, you've not only hired a touring guide, but maybe a friend too. It's really going great, plus you thought she's cute and really friendly towards you.

"Yah, yah see you too!" Hanni waving 

No tokkis but a friend, great start for my Vacation, Hanni thought.

Waking up the next morning was a struggle, it's more hot and humid in Vietnam than your country, but you're excited to tour Vietnam and meet Hanni again.

You walked to the breakfast area of the hotel, wanting to relieve your aching stomach from hunger of yesterday's flight. Getting all kinds of food, half asleep you bumped into a person.

"Ouch" 

Hearing the voice, a sudden adrenaline rush to your body, it was Hanni

"Hanni?"

"Oh Y/N, waking early too for free breakfast huh? haha"

"Oh, yeah"

"You got some good selection of food"

"Well I wanna taste every food from Vietnam"

"Ah, later I'll bring you to my favourite restaurant with great foods"

"Oh really, I can't wait" Smiling and looking in her eyes

Hanni too is smiling while looking in your eyes

This looking in each other eyes turned from seconds to minutes, break by the waiter from the restaurant 

"Greeting in Vietnamese" "You two are a lovely couple, we would like you two to come in our free couple massage later this evening"

"Oh, no no. break by the finger of Hanni, shushing you

"Yeah, we are a couple. We would like that, thanks" said by Hanni

"Alright, here's the coupon. See you two later, Ma'am and Sir. Have a great day."

"Thank you too" - Hanni

"Wait, wait. Huh" looking confused to Hanni

"It's free, you should always take what the hotel offers you for free" 

"Oh, but we are not a couple though"

"Yes, we're not, but it's just a massage"

"Fine, that's what you said so"

"Let's wrap up and explore Vietnam" excitedly said by Hanni

"Yes, let's do it" 

You both go to your rooms, which aren't far from each other, just 3 doors apart. Your heart is beeping, your face smiling, and a tingling in your body as you change your clothes from pyjamas to a casual outfit.

"No way, this girl is making me feel this way. She's so cute, friendly, and ughhh I don't know. I just wanted to explore Vietnam but now, Ugh I don't know" you said to yourself while looking in the mirror

"He's cute" Hanni said in the mirror looking at herself

"He doesn't know me, which is fine but should I tell him?"

"No, no, maybe not yet. Ugh, this Vacation is going really really well"

You exit your door same as Hanni, she waves her hand to alert you that she's good to go.

"Nice outfit, you look cute" she said

"Thank you, you too. I like the bow" 

"Really?"

"Yes"

She holds onto your arms in the elevator, as if you two are a couple. But you didn't even mind that. You're blinded by her cuteness and aroma. You felt like you found the one, even though no label is labelled. You barely know her, yet you want to spend your whole life with her.

"Um Hanni, do"

"We should get a tuk tuk, it's more fun to ride" she said

"Really, yeah its looks fun" 

"What, wait what did you said"

"Nothing, haha"

"Hmm, you're asking if I have a boyfriend right?"

"No, no, no, no. I was asking if you have a family here?"

"My grandparents from my mother is here, and I don't have a boyfriend so your good"

"Oh, okay"

As the day goes by, you forget everything you planned in Vietnam. You only focus on how happy Hanni is, how much fun this cute Vietnamese girl you just met yesterday.

"Yo, that's the restaurant I said earlier"

"Oh, let's go eat"

"Me?" jokingly said by Hanni

Your confused face made her laugh.

"Haha, just joking. Let's go"

"Ah, whatever you said. Haha"

You paid the bill and told her that both of you can now go to your respective rooms, but she reminded you.

"Nah ugh, we got a couple massage later"

"Oh, I forgot, sorry"

"No worries, let's go now. It said until 9 pm"

"Okays"

You two walked to the massage room of the hotel, you asked the worker there where is the free couple massage, she pointed in the right direction, thus you two walked in there. The massage area is only 1 room, both will be side to side, and include each other's massage which confuses you.

"Each other massage, hmm what is this" looking confused to Hanni

"I don't know too" 

"Hi welcome to the free couple massage, in which 3 types of massage will happen, firstly the standard massage in which a Massager will massage your full body, the second one is spiritual massage, in which you two will be inside the hut together to the hot steam, and lastly the each other massage, would happen between you two only, massaging each other will make you two closer" 

"Oh, okay" looking at Hanni

"Yeahh, hmm this is my fault" 

"You know what, let's just get the first type then dipped?" 

"Yeah"

"Can we get the first type only?"

"Sir, you two are a couple, why wouldn't you two try the other types"

"Um, we are" interrupted by Hanni

"We'll take it all, thanks"

"Okay, maam"

"Okay, okay let's just not look at each other"

"Yeah" replied to Hanni

The first type of the massage went well, both of you got massaged by professionals and really a Vietnam massage that's different from your country.

"Oh that's good"

"Yes, my body feels better" said Hanni

The massager then pointed at the hut, they asked first what temperature the steam would you two like, you two choose the medium one. 

Getting in the hut was easy, but hot. The hut is smaller than it seems on the outside, it really is for only two or three people max, the massager said removing the towel would be better so your whole body gets the steam evenly. Minutes go by inside, both of you now looking at each other.

"This is nice, it's hot and steamy"

"Yeah, Even though we're in towels, it's still hot"

"There's only two of us, and with this heat, camera couldn't be place here" Hanni said

"What are you gonna do"

"Hmm, I, I, just don't look at me, okay. I'll try it without a towel" Hanni said

"But"

She tossed her towel to the side, exposing her full body to the hot steam. You didn't look, even though you wanted to. But you hold your stand. After a couple minutes, she covered her body with a towel.

"You should try it"

"Huh, removing my towel?"

"Yeah, it's better"

"Okay, but don't look ah" 

"Ye ye, I won't look"

You remove your towel from your body, exposing your naked body to the hot temperature, you look at Hanni, she fully closed her eyes. It was cute, the sight of her, fully closing her eyes to not see you naked. But in your mind, you want her to see you in this form, fully unclothed. Wanting her to see your erect penis. 

"Your right Hanni, this is better"

"I'll cover now" 

You said but it was before you got your towel below, as you said the last words from your mouth, she fully opened her eyes, looking at you while grabbing your towel below. 

"Oh my god, I thought you were covered already. Oh my god, I am so sorry"

"Oh, I, I, I'll cover now. Sorry"

Your mind was in bliss, thinking she could have seen your junior. While in her mind it was different, complete emptiness is in her kind, she doesn't know what to react on what she saw, but then a blood from the heart flow to her brain, it told her "That was big, I wanna touch it" 

"No, no, no Hanni, what you saw isn't real, Oh my god, is that how a cock is?, god damn, I thought those are not real, I thought they are just edited or enlarge cocks, but here it is, in front of me, A real big one, the one that is big, No, no Hanni, if he would know who am I, I am doomed, but he doesn't know, Iah fuck it, this is the only chance I get to touching a real thing, experiencing the big one." Hanni talking to herself in her mind

"Um, Y/N, do you have a girlfriend?"

"That's a weird question, I do not have one"

"Did you have, before?"

"No, no I don't"

"So, I could be your girlfriend now?"

"Huh?"

"You know, I don't know how to approach men but, this is the only chance I can get"

"What do you mean?"

"Can I be your girlfriend?"

"Wait, what's happening to you Hanni"

"This is Hanni still, and I am asking you to be my boyfriend so I can"

"So you can do what?"

"So, so, so I can suck your cock"

"What?" 

"Yes, I've seen it, and you're hard for me? right, I am the only one here, don't tell your gay"

"No, I am not gay, I don't know, this is so fast, we've only met ea6other for a day"

"Yes, it is but I want your cock now, I can't erased it in my head, it feels like it's tattooed there, cannot be remove"

You haven't said yes, but to her, you're her boyfriend now. She then crawls towards you, like a cat hungry for days, but in this case a girl hungry for cock. She removed her towel, exposing her cute breast to you.

"You like that?, would it make your cock bigger"

"Um, Hanni, what's happening to you, why are you like this"

You haven't done anything, not that you intentionally did what happened earlier, it was a miscommunication but your still happy that this girl your with is not shy to see her true self to you. It feels like her mind breaks already, just seeing your big penis. 

"Hanni, we're about to be done here in the hut, we should do it later in the room"

She snapped back to reality when you said it would be over inside the hut.

"Ah, is it?, is that a promise, I can touch it later?, It's mine right?"

"Yes, Hanni it's yours only but can you be your other self for now, please I don't want anybody to see you like this"

"Okay, Y/N you haven't answered my question yet"

"What question?"

"Ugh, you're so clueless, it's so cute. I'll ask you later"

Confused look at Hanni, as if you don't know what she meant, but slowly things are coming to your head, it makes sense now, how clingy she was before, how friendly she is to you. She likes you from the start when you two see each other, it's like a gift to her that she found you at the airport.

The last type of massage was shortly cancelled due to a leak in the steam in the room, so they gave you two additional 2 free massages just the normal ones for compensation.

You look at her, thinking she would be mad cause it was postponed but she's happy, for her it was a miracle. No timer for touching each other, and no hot steam that makes you two sweat. She wanted raw, raw hotness from your body touching each other, not a machine making the hot steam, but your lust and love for each other.

You two changed back to your casual outfit, she held your arms much tighter, making sure yours are her. 

"Y/N, I can't wait to see it again"

"Shh, we're still here, people might hear"

"Oh my god, why can't a couple talked about couple things, shh shh, your really is clueless and I really like it"

"Alright, alright, to answer your question, yes you can be my girlfriend but"

"No but, but"

She hugs you, you hug her back tightly. This day is full of wonderful things happening, not only did you travel Vietnam, eat good and lots of food, but you end up with a girlfriend from the country you're visiting.

Walking in the corridor, going to your rooms, she asked, what room you two would want. You replied, hers. She replied, aight bet. 

"Welcome to my room, which looks like yours too, haha. Sorry it's kinda messy, I haven't cleaned. I've slept yesterday"

"Haha, funny were the same, that's why I picked yours cause mine is worst"

"Haha, let's do it now"

"Now?, you don't want to shower first?"

"In the shower?"

"Yes, shower first"

"Okay, let's go"

She striped naked in front of you, as if you two are in a long relationship. She removed each of her cloth naughty and while looking in your eyes. An adrenaline goes to your penis, while looking at her, it makes it hard, creating a bulge in your pants, you adjust to make her see it. 

"Wow, you want to huh"

"No, you want it more"

"Haha, I'll suck you dry"

"Oh really, I'll do it to you too"

Fully naked, she walked towards you, she grabbed her hands and guided it to her cute breast, she chuckled from your touch and it made her seize like your touch electrified her. 

"Please be gentle, this is my first"

"It's my first too Hanni"

"So we're beginner's haha"

"Really beginner's, I don't have a condom on me, so we're lock on toucher each other "

"Huh? locked? wdym locked, fuck me raw, creampie me full, I don't even care anymore, I just want you, your cock in me, please"

"Alright, alright, chill I just don't want things to escalate too quickly"

"Don't bother, I am on pills anyway, I am actually an, no I just have a work that needs us to be on pills"

"Oh, that's neat. I'll make your wish come true then"

After your last word, she grabbed your pants, removing it to expose your big erect penis to her. She was excited, happy, and the smile on her face was apparent.

"Oh my god, yes please I want this cock on me now"

"Wait, open the shower first, I don't want you to smell my smelly penis"

"I don't care, I'll sniff it more"

"Your disgusting, and it's so hot"

"Haha, you're right. That's kinda far now, feel like we're roleplaying or something, let's just fuck you know"

"Yeah, haha, can I see your pussy?"

"Yeah, sorry I haven't shaved yet, didn't expect this to happen in my vacation, and I wasn't expecting to go beaching too"

"It's perfectly fine, it's better anyway hygiene"

You touch her first, making her angry.

"Hey, you touch my pussy first? really"

"Huh, I, sorry, alright, alright you're the pilot"

"Nah its fine but I want to suck your dick first"

"Okay, I'll clean it now"

After you washed your cock, she grabbed it without mentioning it.

"Aw, it hurts, just be gentle"

"Sorry, I'll suck it gently, I promise"

She handjobs you first while having a staring contest at hers, she wanted to see if it would hurt when she went fast, but it did5, it just makes you feel a thing.

"Slow down a bit, I'll gonna cum so fast from that"

"Alright, I'll suck it now"

"Okay"

She kissed your penis first, then slowly put it to her cute mouth. At first it was difficult, her mouth was too small for your penis to enter but slowly she adjusted to your size, you also helped her in making sure everything was going great, and gently.

"Ugh, argh, ugh, gulp"

She was sucking but because neither of you have this experience, it was going slow.

"Um, Hanni, I think your sucking isn't great"

She removed her mouth form you dick to speak 

"Is it?"

"You should gag more, put it more inside of your mouth, like this(showing a picture from the net).

She slapped your phone.

"Are you saying I am not good?"

"Well, no, but maybe, sorry I just want you to experience this fully"

"Okay, I get you, I'll do what in the picture is"

She adjusted more, allowing your length to enter her mouth, your big cock now is full of saliva, and she is gagging from every downshift she does. The scene is magical, a cute girl you just met yesterday is now gagging from your cock. 

"Yes, just like that Hanni, your doing it better now"

"Gag, really" happy Hanni while her mouth is full

You are now reaching your point, you tapped her shoulders to alert her, she winked and shook her head approving your hot cum to shoot in her mouth, not a second after that you shot your cum to her mouth walls, painting it white, marking her as yours.

"Yes, ugh, ugh just like that Hanni, your amazing" 

She swallowed all your cum, and made a smile looking at your tired body.

"Hey, we haven't started the fucking yet, but your tired already, let's shower then go to my bed"

"Okay"

You two showered like a married couple, soaping each other, rubbing each other, making sure every part is clean cause tonight would be the best meal you will be eating. She pissed accidentally while you were soaping her pussy part.

"Oh, sorry I pissed"

"Damn, that's hot, like your pee is not, well actually it is hot to get pissed, the smell though"

"Hmm so you like getting pissed by"

After one last water, you take a towel to give it to her but she grabs you making your bodies touch each other and then rubs the towel to dry you off. After that, she held your hand, and followed her steps to her room. She closed her binds, turned the lights to comfy, and made the bed more presentable.

"It's your turn now" she said

"Okay"

She jumps to the bed, exposing her body to you, you crawl slowly making her excited, she's like the queen bee getting her worker to give what she wants. You first got close to her face.

"You know, we haven't kissed yet"

"Oh god, your right, let's do it"

You get close to her, attempting a normal kiss, but she doesn't do that, she wants to taste you. Exchanging saliva while kissing and sucking her mouth, she also does it. After a solid 5 minutes of sucking each other though. She breaks it.

"Your such a good kisser"

"You too"

Laughing at each other, but while laughing your hands in like a snake, wanting to bite its prey, but in this case the prey is her pussy. She reacted from your touch, making a cute sound of ouch. She nodded to show that she's ready, ready to get plates on, to get divine on, to be feast on. So you slowly head to her pussy, the aroma and smell that you thought would be different, but a love smell is what you experienced. Her grown hair is so cute, it looks better with it. You've already touched it and feel the slimy gooey leaking from it, this is it she's wet not from the shower, but from your touch, you wanted it, you want her soup, you want to lick the tip, the hole, the glory of womanhood. So you work on it, shoving your mouth to her pussy, first in her clitoris, from your research the best way is a star way, from left to the top then to the left, next to the bottom then go back to the left.

"Ugh, hmmm, yes Y/N, eat me like that, savour from me, do you like that baby, yes ughhh"

The noise from her only fuels your lust, so you change your area now to her vagina, it's tight, and you can feel a blockway for her hole, it is said as her hymen, and the one who breaks it is the one who is first. You now changed the tactic from star shape to, licking like it's a nutella jar. Each lick, each suck made her high, as if she could fly in the sky.

"Oh my godddd, why are you good at this, it is ahhhh, true that, ughhh you didn't have, ahhhhh yess right there babe, yes lick that and suck that ughhh, girlfriend before?, oh my god I am cumming, keep is up"

She releases her cum to you, making you suck her more, tasting her love juices which are sweet.

Both of you are satisfied with each other, but it's not done yet. You tossed your body next to her, she hugged you.

"Thank you for this wonderful experience Y/N, this isn't in my vacation plan but thank god it happened" 

"You too, Hanni, I didn't know this would happened, this vacation is really something else, I just wanna spend my day and night with you"

"Please, we should do this everyday now until we both go back"

"I promise Hanni, we will do it every night"

"Thank you Y/N, I fucking love you, sorry for my language, can we fuck now"

"No worries, I don't mind it. We can if you want"

After your last words, she gets up, recharges like a fast charge phone. She towers you in the bed, putting her body to yours in a riding position.

"Is this a good position, search it up"

"Yes, I want to see you, and I want to kiss you while we're fucking"

"That's sounds hot, I'll put it in now, please be gentle with me"

"I promise Hanni, I'll be gentle"

This wasn't the case, from the very first move, Hanni was rough, immediately breaking her hymen and screaming like she got stabbed in a good way.

"Oh my godd, yesss fuck me like that"

"Wait, Hanni your too rough"

"I can't help it, break me Y/N, make me your cumdumped, fuck me both holes"

She's mind breaking already, just from one insert of your cock to her, she would obey what you do, and everything she says is what you're doing. 

"Ugh, ugh, their hit me their, yes"

"God damn Hanni, I wanna fuck you to the brim so hard"

"Please Y/N, please make it happen"

The fucking if fucking, same position but both of you now is working towards the same goal, breaking each other to the top. Making a mess, like a tornado has come by. Every trust you gave, she gave back, every move you make, she moves back, the gentleness from both of you isn't showing, then a couple more moves both of you are now reaching your point.

"Y/N, I am gonna cum"

"Hanni, me too"

"Let's do it together"

"Alright"

"Ughhhh yes Y/N, fill me fill me fill me"

"Hanni your squeezing me so hard, ughhh Yes"

Cumming to each other was a great pleasure, but after it you both slammed to the bed, she was on top of you.

"This is amazing Hanni, I can't wait to do it again and again and again"

"Again and again, yess I love you so much"

"I love you too"

The night ends with both of you exchanging love notes, kissing each other's forehead but you're not done yet.

"Hanni, I have a question"

"Yes babe, what it is"

"Are you the Hanni from Newjeans?"

The end.

A/N: Wrote this while Wifi was gone so bare the wrong grammars lol, btw check my other story staring Hanni too in AFF link in my bio, would also post this story there, thanks! A/N: If my Wifi stops again, I might write another, who knows maybe I'll continue this story.

[ladykailitha]

Eddie and Nancy

Just giving my brain a break from the Secret Tunnel (aka the game show) story. I still have two chapters to get through and my brain needs a cool down.

I've seen a lot of headcanons that Eddie is the Wheeler children's older half brother because of how much they look like each other.

But may I propose instead: cousins.

Hear me out.

You have first born, Elizabeth. Absolute hippie child. All about that free love, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. She learns how to play guitar, falls in with the charming and cool, Al Munson. They plan to tour the country his beat up old truck. But before that can happen, Elizabeth gets pregnant with Eddie. So she marries Al.

Then you have Karen, the younger sister. Bright, demure, absolute golden child. She dyes her hair and blows out the curls to more like waves so she doesn't look like Elizabeth anymore.

She does what she was raised her whole life to do. Get married to a good boy so they can have good children and pay taxes and never do anything fun.

When Elizabeth dies, Karen refuses to go to the funeral, hates that her name is even in the obituary at all. Then three years later when Al is sent to prison, CPS calls her first.

She's the boy's aunt. She has a comfortable home, and bringing him in would barely dent their finances. But Karen refuses. She won't have that delinquent anywhere near her children.

So they go to Wayne. Wayne who really doesn't have the space or the money to take care a little boy almost teenager. But he looks into those big brown eyes and can't say no.

They keep apart until the murders in town start in Wayne's own god damn trailer. He keeps his mouth shut when Nancy comes up to him asking about Eddie. He would like to throw it in her face that he knows who she is and that he knows full well that Karen would throw a fucking fit if she found out where her daughter was. But he won't. It's not the girl's fault her mother is a bitch.

After Vecna (and Eddie NOT dying) Nancy is sent to the attic to see if she can find some of Mike's old things to donate as a lot of Nancy's went to Holly. She finds an old trunk and though locked it comes apart in her hands. In it she finds dozens of pictures of her mom with beautiful girl with flying dark brown curls and sparkling eyes.

She smiles as she reminds her of Eddie.

Her mother calls out for her to hurry and slips one of the pictures in her back jeans pocket. Nancy closes the trunk and hurries back to her mother.

Then because Nancy can't leave a mystery well enough alone, she goes digging. All while Eddie and Max are in a coma, Nancy works on her mystery.

She finds her answer in the most unlikely of places. Joyce Byers's year book. She had it out showing her boys the outrageous hair styles they had in her day.

There two rows down from Lawrence Byers is an Elizabeth Childress. She's got ribbons in her hair and smiling brightly at camera. So full of life.

Childress.

She closes her eyes. There is no doubt this is her mother's sister. A sister Nancy never knew anything about.

She points her out to Joyce. "Oh, I remember her. Such a sweet girl. It's really too bad she fell in with that Munson boy. Or rather the wrong Munson boy."

She flips the pages and on the same row as her, is Wayne Munson staring up at her. So happy and free. The Vietnam would too soon take that from him. "That's Wayne. Such a good boy. Elizabeth would have thrived with him. But Wayne was shy and more interested in getting good grades than girls."

Joyce flips back to the seniors with Jim and Lonnie and began searching for the M's. "There." She pointed at another boy. Alan Munson. "He was trouble from the moment he was born. But he had a motorcycle and a leather jacket. Lizzy fell hard. They got married right out of high school, I heard."

Jonathan and Nancy share a look of shock.

"What happened to her?" Jonathan asks.

"Cancer," Joyce says sadly, "poor thing."

Armed with her knowledge and a borrowed yearbook, Nancy marches right up to her mother and slams the yearbook in front of her. The picture Nancy took from the attic serves as bookmark and she shoves both at her mother.

There is no denying it now. All the proof is right there in black and white.

"This is why you didn't want to join the D&D club my freshman year, isn't it? Because it was Eddie's club?"

Karen buries her head in her hands. And the truth just starts spilling out.

"And that boy is just like his father!" Karen cries. "He might have not have killed those kids but he was a drug dealer."

"To keep the lights on his trailer!" Nancy yells back. "If you and Dad had taken him in maybe he wouldn't have turned out the way he did. Maybe he be a better person."

"Or maybe he would have dragged you other children with him!"

"If you really thought that Mike wouldn't have been allow in Hellfire either!"

It's at this point Mike walks in and suddenly Karen is caught.

She breaks down and explains that Eddie had helped her with her car right before Mike started high school. So as a way to return the favor she let Mike join.

Nancy heads to the hospital and manages to get into see Eddie.

Wayne tells her only family is allowed to see him and Nancy smiles.

She knows.

Then Eddie wakes up, falls for Steve, the whole party teases Steve about keeping it in the family and Karen gets her head out of her ass and everyone lives happily ever after.

The end.

[tac-the-unseen]

Hey, idk if you write for Nubbins, Chop Top or Drayton but if you do could you do the thing with a reader not speaking English very well? I just read the first one you did and I loved it!

Sure thing!

Slasher x Foreigner Reader pt.2

Nubbins:

•Man just blinks at you like a frog

•”Huh?”

•”In English dumbass!.....My bad…”

•He has a hard time remembering not everyone speaks English 

•His speech impediment makes him more sympathetic towards you, and any mess ups you make 

•His schizophrenia also plays a role in that 

•“Sometimes the voices say things I can't understand…is that what it's like hearing us talk?”

•Will defend you to high hell from anyone who makes fun of you, even family 

•Tells you to ask Drayton to make some dish related to your home country 

Chop Top:

•When he finds out you speak a different language he tells you about his Days in Vietnam 

•Hes picked up a bit of Vietnamese but not much

•”Me not knowing Vietnamese is like you not knowing English!” :D “Twinning!”

•He likes to sit on the porch with you while you two play guessing games and listen to music

•He pops a grape in his mouth “what are the wars from your country like?” 

•Man is just interested about your history 

•Will sit patiently while you give him a mental tour

Drayton: 

•”I don't care what you speak, as long as you eat!” 

•Drayton couldn't care less

•”Just think about what you want to say before you attempt to say it!”

•sometimes he gets pissed off when you can't articulate yourself, but most of the time he just lets you figure it out by yourself 

•sometimes he only cares about your opinion on his cooking (only good reviews, He'll get pissed at bad ones) 

•He'll find a cookbook based on your home country and try to cook it for you 

[coolcarsntrucksngunsnusa]

1971 Green Beret Captain Richard Flaherty stands next to 6'6" Pfc. Nipps.

Richard J. Flaherty, due to complications at his birth, only grew to 4-foot-9-inches tall, 97-pounds. Coming from a family of military heroes Richard also wanted to do his part and serve his country.

People laughed at the idea of a man his size in the military and all the branches turned him down. But that didn't deter Richard, he spent the next 3 years writing letters until he finally received a medical waiver. With the waiver the Army allowed him to join... but no one ever believed he would make it through basic training.

His uniforms didn't fit, the equipment was too big, and he was required to carry a back pack during long marches that was almost the same weight as he was. Because of his leg length marching in step with the rest of his company was incredibly difficult but Richard kept up. All the obstacle courses were built for average size men but Richard conquered them all. No rules were ever changed for Richard - either he would sink or swim.

Richard didn't just make it through basic training he volunteered and become an elite paratrooper, with the 101st Airborne. When he would jump out of planes the instructors would have to strap machine gun parts to his body to help his descent so he wouldn't "float away."

He graduated Officer Candidate School in 1968 as a 2nd Lieutenant and deployed to Vietnam. Within weeks he would lead his platoon in some of the bloodiest battles during the "Tet Offensive." In that week he was wounded twice by grenade fragmentation and a grazing bullet wound to the head but as soon as he was patched up he jumped right back into the battle.

After several months of fighting on the front lines many officers would accept assignments in the rear away from the action but not Richard. He would request to be transferred to Echo Company to lead a RECON unit which engaged in dangerous search and destroy missions deep into enemy territory. By the time his first tour in Vietnam was finished, Richard would receive the Silver Star, 2 Bronze Stars with Valor, & 2 Purple Hearts.

If you think that's where Richard's story ends, think again. Richard would become an elite Green Beret with the 3rd Special Forces Group and be promoted to Captain. He served with the 46th Company based in Thailand where some of their clandestine missions sent them into Pink Zones "across the fence" fighting Malaysian and Burmese guerrillas.

As incredible as all his accomplishments seem that's just the first half of his life story as his next chapters of undercover operations around the world seem closer to something out of a Tom Clancy book.

Richard had one last surprise when it came to his final wishes. Even though he knew he was qualified for the highest military burial in Arlington National Cemetery he instead chose to be buried in a small anonymous cemetery in W. Virginia so he could be next to the women he loved for eternity.

To learn more about the unbelievable life of America's smallest war hero please check out, "The Giant Killer" Book, Audiobook and Documentary available worldwide.

Flaherty Military Bio:

Special Forces Capt. Richard J. Flaherty AKA The Giant Killer - In December of 1967, was sent to Vietnam with the 101st Airborne Division. He served as a Platoon Leader with companies B, C, and D and as a Recon Platoon Leader with Echo company.

In January of 1969, he returned to CONUS and attended the Special Forces School at Fort Bragg and was then assigned to the 3rd Special Forces Group. Later that year he returned to South East Asia with the 46th Special Forces Company A-110 in Camp Pawai, Lopburi Thailand.

Captain Flaherty earned the Silver Star, 2 Bronze Stars, 2 Purple Hearts, the Air Medal, Gallantry Cross W/Silver Star, Army Commendation Medal, Combat Infantryman’s Badge, 3 Overseas Bars, Sharpshooter Badge W/Rifle Bar, Air Medal, Parachutist Badge, Vietnam Service badge.

[fanfreakinfiction]

Listen to the Music

Chapter One: Should've Been a Cowboy

Masterlist 🖤

7.3K Words // Joel Miller x f!southern Reader

Pairing: Joel Miller x younger/southern!reader (Could be video game Joel or HBO Joel. I like the 2003 timeline though, so we’ll just pretend the 2003 timeline is canon for both.) 

Chapters: 

One - Should’ve Been a Cowboy 

Summary: Jackson gets a jukebox which mean’s Joel has to install it! Annoying for him, but exciting for one certain someone who loves music. 

Tags: Multipart, SUPER slowburn, eventual smut, FLUFF, age difference, M/F, canon type violence, drinking, smoking, alchol, reader gives off innocent vibes but isn’t, Joel is grumpy, reader is southern, corny ass music transitions bc i love it, slight mention of religion (reader is from the bible belt), some mentions of smut.

A/N: Set in Jackson - probably a little out of canon but just rollll wit it. This is also a split POV! Also if you love 90s country music you will like this. I made a Tipsy Bison Playlist for you guys to check out where none of the music was made past 2003. 

Jackson was buzzing, quite literally. Every corner you turned, someone was eager to share the latest news.

"Y/n! Did you hear? Jesse and Astrid brought back that jukebox from the ski lodge! They’re gonna fix it up and put it in the Tipsy Bison!" Olivia shouted breathlessly from the stables' entrance, her jet-black hair falling in disarray around her face.

"Hell 'liv, you ran all the way here to tell me that?" You chuckled, taking a break from shoveling muck in the stables. Your Southern drawl emerged breathy and unusual from not conversing with anyone for the past hour. Wiping your forehead with the back of your hand, you greeted the teenage girl with a warm smile as she rushed to embrace you.

"Well, yeah! Mom said you liked music! Told me to come tell you! Said to meet her and Ginger there at 7:00 sharp!" Olivia exclaimed with contagious excitement.

You laughed, returning the embrace and appreciating the bond you'd formed with the young girl over the years.

The first friend you'd made upon arriving in Jackson was Caroline, a slender woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, and a mouth that matched yours. Hugging her hip was a young girl, Olivia, with jet-black hair and the same blue eyes. At the time, Olivia couldn't have been more than seven. In the four years since, Caroline had become like a sister to you, and Olivia like a niece. It was bittersweet watching her grow up, but you’d protect that little girl with your life.

"Well, your momma is right about that," you said, tucking a strand of hair behind Olivia's ear. "And I hate to tell ya, darlin', but Ellie beat you to it. I heard about the jukebox from her this morning." You turned Olivia towards Ellie, who was busy in the back of the stables, hunched over a worktable, oiling an old saddle Mike had found during a recent patrol.

"Ellie’s here?!" Olivia squealed, running off to join Ellie at the back of the stable.

Shaking your head with a laugh, you turned back to your work, the girls' excited chatter filling the stables.

As 6 pm approached, Ellie abandoned the saddle for a conversation with Olivia. Although it irritated you slightly, it also warmed your heart to see Olivia making friends her age. In this post-apocalyptic world, friends were a rare commodity, especially outside of safe havens like Jackson.

You were only five years old when outbreak day happened. Your parents were at work, and you were at daycare. You vaguely recalled your daycare teacher trying to stay calm, but panic eventually overtook her as she locked all the children in the bathroom. Your grandparents, miraculously, arrived to rescue you. Your grandfather, a Vietnam Vet who’d served two tours before leaving the military, was also a grizzled cowboy. He owned a ranch where he boarded and broke horses.

The most vivid memory you had of outbreak day was your grandfather bursting into the daycare with a .308 Winchester in hand, calling for you frantically. You recalled him nearly pulling your arms out as he scooped you up, then handing you over to your crying grandmother. Your grandfather reprimanded the daycare teacher sternly, instructing her to get the kids to a military outpost at the airport and then evacuate Tulsa. The exact words had faded from your memory.

You remembered the scent of your grandmother's perfume as you clung to her while she carried you out of the daycare. Fighter jets roared overhead, and you covered your ears as your grandmother hurried to their old Jeep. Your grandfather opened the passenger door for your grandmother, and she kissed your head. During the two-hour drive from Tulsa, Oklahoma, to his ranch, your grandmother had you play a game called "Keep Your Eyes On Jesus," where you'd focus on the silver cross necklace she always wore. That day marked the end of your life in the city and your chances of making friends. Your childhood died on the daycare bathroom floor.

"Helloooo, earth to Miss Y/l/n?!" Ellie's voice suddenly snapped you out of your thoughts as you continued to organize bridles, leads, and cinches.

You turned abruptly. "Hmm?" was all you managed as you met Ellie's gaze.

Ellie pointed to her empty wrist, giving you a knowing look. “It’s 6:20,” she said, her tone almost teasing.

"Shit," you murmured, quickly shoving tack items back into makeshift storage bins. Ellie laughed as she headed out of the stables with Olivia in tow.

---

Joel was exhausted, bone-deep tired. His knees ached, his back throbbed, and a relentless headache pounded behind his eyes. All this fuss over a damn jukebox.

Now, don't get him wrong; Joel loved music as much as the next person, and he understood why the whole town was buzzing with excitement. But he felt like people were acting as if they'd found a cure for the infection, not an old jukebox.

And yet, there he was, in the Tipsy Bison, helping to secure the wiring for the ancient contraption. A small crowd of men gathered around, drinks in hand, watching him work. Not a single one offered to help, and Joel knew why, but it still irked him to have the entire town gawking at him.

"You got time for leanin', you got time for cleanin'," Joel's dad used to say when he and Tommy were watching him work.

"Will it work?" Seth's voice interrupted his thoughts from over the bar.

Joel responded with a grunt as he connected two wires, causing the jukebox to spring to life. The bar fell silent, and Joel felt a wave of annoyance—or perhaps embarrassment—wash over him as he sensed everyone's eyes on him.

Slowly, he stood up from his crouched position on the dusty floor, his knees cracking in protest. He examined the jukebox, its lights aglow with a soft, white hue. However, the interior glass was so filthy that the song list was barely readable. His gaze fell on a doorbell wired to the coin slot. Joel pressed it once, his eyes scanning the various lettered and numbered buttons.

"S2," he mumbled to himself, thinking of Sarah as he hovered over the letter. With all eyes in the room on the back of his head, he slowly pressed the buttons into the old metal board of the machine, each button emitting a satisfying 'click.'

Silence enveloped the room, followed by a whirring sound.

Please don't make me look like a fool in front of the whole town, Joel silently pleaded, not caring to whom he addressed his thoughts—God, Satan, or Buddha.

Another click, more whirring, and then the old jukebox started singing like a canary.

"I'm in a hurry to get things done 

Oh, I rush and rush until life's no fun 

All I really gotta do is live and die 

Even I'm in a hurry and don't know why…"

The room erupted into cheers and hollers as the song "I'm in a Hurry" by Alabama filled the space. Joel released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. A hand clapped his shoulder, followed by another pat on his bicep, as various townsfolk expressed their gratitude. He grunted in response, uncomfortable with the attention. He couldn't help but think he preferred it when the town treated him like some cryptid.

"Joel... drinks are on the house tonight. I think this'll be the busiest night since we found that Bud Light truck," Seth said, crossing his arms and standing next to Joel to admire his work. Joel shifted uncomfortably but nodded his thanks to the man.

"So, uh, how does it work with no coins, I mean?" Seth asked, looking at the old doorbell attached to the wiring coming from the coin slot.

Joel let out a soft huff. "That there is the 'coin,' per se. Push it however many times for however many songs, but… I'd maybe limit people to three," he quipped, attempting dry humor.

Seth smiled crookedly. "Yeah, I'd hate to hear the same shit twenty times in one day."

Joel sighed. "Yeah, let me see what I can do about the glass, and it'll be nearly new."

With that, Joel carefully worked the glass out of the jukebox, his eyes widening slightly as he pulled back the grimy cover. He didn't know what he had expected, but this jukebox seemed like a unicorn. As he pulled back the filthy glass, a list of songs greeted him—mostly country music, some '80s hits, and a few oldies like Frank Sinatra. Seth whistled softly behind Joel's right shoulder as the music filled the cozy bar.

"Can't be late, I leave in plenty of time 

Shakin' hands with the clock 

I can't stop 

I'm on a roll, and I'm ready to rock…"

———

The snow crunches beneath your boots as you speed walk through the snow towards your tiny cottage on the outskirts of Jackson. It was a modest two-bedroom, one-bathroom house, but it had a porch with a breathtaking view of the mountains. The unusual emptiness of the streets at this hour suggested that most of the town's residents were either at the Community Kitchen or the Tipsy Bison.

Almost slipping on your porch steps, you chuckled to yourself, attributing it to the icy snow. Unlocking your front door, you immediately shed layers of clothing in a trail leading to the bathroom. Excitement pulsed through you as you started the shower, envisioning the possibilities that the jukebox might hold. Maybe it would play Johnny Cash or some new Alan Jackson track you hadn't heard before. Alan Jackson held a special place in your heart.

Thoughts raced as you hurried through your shower, eager to join the buzz of the town. Drying your hair hastily, you searched for your special occasion jeans. They were a pair of dark-washed Levi's, the kind you'd nearly sold your soul for at one of the general stores. They hugged you perfectly in all the right places and, most importantly, were clean—devoid of stains or blood.

Pulling them up over your hips and buttoning them up, you checked yourself out in the mirror. A dark red sweater with a v-neck and your patrol boots completed the look. You adjusted the silver cross necklace around your neck, a memento from your grandmother, and heard her voice echo in your mind.

"Just keep your eyes on Jesus, baby… we're almost to the ranch."

Breaking your reverie, you felt ready to head out for drinks and music. Slipping into your coat, you ventured out into the sunset-lit, snow-covered streets of Jackson. The Tipsy Bison came into view after a short walk, and your excitement threatened to burst from you. The line outside the bar, however, crushed your spirits.

"No way..." you muttered, coming to a halt. The entire town seemed to be here. You watched from a distance, scanning the crowd until your eyes landed on a blonde-haired woman nearing the front of the line. She turned and made eye contact, flashing a wild smile as she waved you over.

There was a hint of apologetic awkwardness as you joined your friend. Some people in line shot you dirty looks for cutting, but it’s not like the bar’s gonna grow legs and walk away. 

"About TIME!" Caroline exclaimed, enveloping you in a warm embrace as you met her outside the bar. "Ginger's already inside; she got us a spot at the bar!" Her excitement was contagious.

"Sorry! I had to go home and change. I didn't wanna come out smellin’ like a horse," you apologized, returning the hug.

"Oh honey, a shower doesn’t change that," she teased, playfully elbowing you.

"Caroline!" You gasped, feigning offense, and lightly elbowed her in return.

Curious, you peered into the bar, attempting to glimpse over the tall men in front of you. Music wafted out, and you heard the buzz of chatter as people walked in and out.

“It’s a shit ton of Country music," you overheard someone say as they walked away, "Well, what’d you expect from a ski lodge in Wyoming in 2003?” came the retort. Caroline shot you a knowing look, and you suppressed a smile.

The line gradually moved forward, and you stepped into the warm atmosphere. Caroline hung up her coat, and you couldn't help but shoot her an envious glance at her overly dressy top – a pink silk halter tied tank top that accentuated her figure beautifully.

“The hell’d you find that?!” You asked, a mix of curiosity and a hint of jealousy in your voice. It made her cleavage stand out, and it seemed perfectly timed as an unfamiliar song started playing from the jukebox, capturing everyone's attention.

“Her hair was Harlow gold 

Her lips a sweet surprise 

Her hands were never cold 

She had Bette Davis eyes…”

Being on your own for so long after your grandparents had passed had made you lose a sense of pride in your appearance. But being in Jackson, surrounded by other women again, ignited that desire to care once more. Caroline had been instrumental in helping you rediscover your femininity, teaching you how to braid your hair and transform dull button-ups into something more womanly. Caroline had been a high school senior when the outbreak happened, with a life and dreams you couldn't relate to. She aimed for Harvard, wanting to be like Elle Woods from a movie called "Legally Blonde." Those aspirations had seemed foreign, considering your upbringing on the Ranch, where your grandfather taught you to care for animals, garden, hunt, fish, and, of course, how to shoot – and shoot well. 

Caroline was the first person to make you question your beauty, to make something seemingly frivolous in the apocalypse feel essential.

"I believe that caring for myself isn’t self-indulgent, but rather an act of survival," Caroline had told you when you questioned the worth of bartering for old Avon makeup from the general store.

Caroline took your hand, pulling you toward where Ginger had miraculously saved some standing room at the bar. You hardly noticed as your gaze fixated on the Jukebox, where a line of people awaited their turn to pick a song. Your heart sank a little; you didn't think Caroline or Ginger had the patience to wait for you to choose a song.

Stepping up to the worn wooden bar, you were greeted by Seth's crooked smile. "Be back with ya in a minute, ladies," he said, his old hands moving as fast as they could to serve the bustling crowd.

"Bout time!" Ginger exclaimed as you turned to her. "I didn't think Seth'd let me save space any longer," she added with a laugh, her eyes scanning your and Caroline's outfits with admiration. "Damn girl! What'd you have to sell for those?!" She playfully ran her hand over the material of your jeans.

You rolled your eyes dramatically. "Oh, you have NO idea!" you began, but before you could continue, Seth returned.

"Two whiskeys, please," Caroline ordered for both of you, prompting you to resume your story. "You wouldn't believe it, okay..."

"Here we go..." Caroline rolled her eyes, and you playfully nudged her. Ginger hadn't heard this story before, and you were eager to share.

"I was rummaging through a house right after I'd left the ranch, and I found a Walkman! Battery-operated and a whole box of cassettes," you explained as Seth brought the whiskey back. Ginger listened intently as you continued. "I picked up some of the names I recognized from the pile. I ended up with like 10 tapes and a whole pile of batteries!" You took a swig and leaned on the bar top, facing Ginger, while Caroline leaned on your shoulder, clearly having heard this story many times before.

"Who were the tapes of?" Ginger asked, taking a swig of her dwindling beer.

"So I had an Alan Jackson cassette, I had a Shania Twain cassette, hmm oh! Johnny Cash's greatest hits, which were technically four tapes, one Journey cassette, George Strait, and then I even found a Marty Robbins tape!" You listed the tapes off, trying to recall them all.

"Sooo? What's this got to do with those Levi's?!" Ginger asked, laughing.

"Well, damn, hold on, sister, I'm tryna set the story up!" you retorted with a laugh.

"Anyways," you continued, "one day I'm navigating some thick woods. My headphones are around my neck, and I still have the music goin'. Well, I clipped the Walkman to the hip of my pants, and this fuckin' infected came outta nowhere!" You gestured dramatically with your hands. "This thing fuckin' leaps on me and pushes me up against a tree—"

"—crushes the Walkman!" You and Caroline said in unison, and all three of you burst into laughter, drawing the attention of others in the bar.

Tears welled in your eyes from laughing as you recounted the memory. "I'd never been so fucking mad in my life!" you recalled, trying to catch your breath. "I also haven't cried as hard since the day I lost that thing," you said dramatically as you took a drink. "Almost wish it'd bitten me instead of killin' my fuckin' Walkman," you added bitterly.

"Well, what did you do to it?" Ginger asked curiously.

"The infected? Oh. I fuckin' stomped that thing's head in," you deadpanned, throwing Ginger and Caroline into another fit of laughter. "Like... a lot," you repeated, deadpan again as you took another drink. "Fuckin' thing destroyed my Alan Jackson tape...anyways, I held onto the tapes, maybe out of bitterness. But once I got to Jackson, I traded the tapes for the jeans." Ginger made an "Oooh" sound, nodding as if she now completely understood.

Caroline tapped you on the shoulder, about to say something, when the sound of a very familiar song filled your ears, and you had to bite back the squeal that threatened to escape.

"It's Alan Jackson," you said, your eyes gleaming with a serious excitement that caught Ginger's attention.

"Come on," you said, pulling Caroline with you onto an opening in the bar floor as the chorus hit. You pulled her into a two-step, a dance you had seen your grandparents do every year on their anniversary.

"I should've been a cowboy 

I should've learned to rope and ride 

Wearin' my six-shooter, 

ridin' my pony on a cattle drive 

Stealin' the young girls' hearts 

Just like Gene and Roy 

Singin' those campfire songs

 Woah, I should've been a cowboy…"

You sang unabashedly, as if you, Caroline, and Alan Jackson were the only ones in the bar. Your head threw back in laughter after Caroline begrudgingly tried to match your steps. After a moment, you were so engrossed in your dance that you didn't even realize other people had joined in, dancing to the music. Ginger laughed from her spot at the bar as she watched your and Caroline's forgotten whiskeys.

———

Seth had been right. This was the busiest Joel had ever seen the Tipsy Bison. Brooding in the corner of the bar, tucked into a dimly lit table, Joel sat, nursing his fourth glass of free whiskey.

Shit. If Seth was offering, he wasn't gonna say no to free drinks.

Joel's tired eyes scanned the room as he tried to determine who he recognized and who he didn't. His gaze landed on a particularly familiar set of eyes. Tommy.

He watched as Tommy approached the secluded table, offering a crooked smile to the man.

"Big bad Joel fixed the jukebox?" Tommy teased as he sat down across from Joel.

"Did it for the free drinks," Joel retorted, attempting to deflect the sudden unwanted attention, his face flushing as he averted his brother's gaze.

"Well… you may have just earned some points with Maria," Tommy said with a genuine smile.

Joel smirked back. "Guess something good did come from this after all." He could feel the whiskey settling deep in his chest as he spoke to his brother.

Tommy glanced around at the crowd, but a roar of laughter snapped both of their heads toward the bar. Three women stood a few feet away, listening to one woman tell a story.

Joel narrowed his tired eyes. He didn't recognize the woman engrossed in her story. However, he did recognize the blonde with the revealing pink blouse. She scanned the patrons of the bar like a hawk, looking for her next prey and obviously uninterested in her friend's story.

The woman had approached Joel two days after he arrived with Ellie, asking to bum a cigarette and then bombarding him with a thousand questions as she batted her eyelashes at him. Her name was something like Karen, he couldn't quite recall. But when another bout of laughter reached his ears, his gaze locked onto your form, now less hidden behind the woman with her back to him.

He watched almost mesmerized as you laughed and smiled. Pretty, was the only thing his brain could manage. Suddenly, your face became very serious as you said something that made the two girls howl in laughter.

Tommy cleared his throat after an awkward silence, and Joel realized he had been completely caught staring at you. Their eyes met, and his little brother looked like he was about to say something smart, but Alan Jackson's music broke Tommy's focus.

"Holy shit! I forgot this song existed!" Tommy exclaimed with a nostalgic laugh.

Joel's attention was drawn back to the bar by another bout of laughter. Except, now, you had migrated to the middle of the room. Your arms were placed perfectly on the blonde chick as you began dancing. The blonde appeared obviously embarrassed by the sudden change, making a face of disdain. You laughed, the sound caressing Joel's ears, and he felt something stirring in him. Maybe it was the whiskey, but deep down, he knew it wasn't.

He and Tommy watched carefully as more patrons began to crowd the space, joining in the dance. Tommy let out a huff of laughter, his eyes now focused on the scene. As the song ended, everyone clapped, and Seth, the bartender, felt it appropriate to make an announcement.

"Everyone, thank Joel on your way out! He fixed up the jukebox," Seth declared, and a wave of applause and stares washed over Joel.

Joel could feel a flush creeping into his face at the attention. He cringed inwardly as all he could manage was a stupid smirk while looking down at his whiskey glass.

"Jukebox Joel!" someone in the crowd cheered, and Tommy choked on the beer he was drinking. Joel delivered a swift kick to Tommy's shin.

"Haha! What? Come on… it's better than Jackass Joel," Tommy laughed with a smirk as he teased Joel.

Joel actually let out a soft chuckle at that and shook his head as he looked back down at his empty glass. "Prick," Joel muttered softly as he glanced up at his little brother. "I'm gonna go get another." With a sigh, he pushed himself up from the table and made his way toward the bar to get another drink.

———

"I'm gonna go have a cigarette. Save me a spot!" Caroline swiftly moved to grab her coat, leaving you and Ginger at the bar.

Ginger looked at you. "So how's the stables?"

"Mmm, they're fine. I've recently gotten some help from this teenager, Ellie," you replied as you finished off your whiskey, paying no mind to the man who muscled in on Caroline's vacant space behind you.

"Is she a good help?" Ginger asked as she also finished off her beer.

"Depends on the day," you said with a soft laugh. "She's a great listener, just a little poor on the completion side of things. Like today, I asked her to oil this saddle Mike brought in from a patrol. Olivia stopped by to see me, and sure enough, Ellie just ended up talking with her for the last hour of the day. It's like she won't shut up. I swear, these outbreak babies are somethin' else," you added with an exasperated sigh. "She's a good kid, though. Smart as hell. I'm just mad I'll have to get up early to finish oiling the saddle before patrol." You finished with a final smile as you looked up to make eye contact with Ginger, who appeared as if she'd seen a ghost. She wasn't even looking at you but over your shoulder.

"Ginge?" you asked worriedly, placing a hand on her shoulder to shake her a bit.

"I'm gonna go grab a cigarette," she said hurriedly, shaking your hand off her as she all but ran out of the bar, leaving you standing there stunned.

In an instant, your senses tingled with the presence of an imposing, commanding figure emanating a cocoon of warmth from the shadows behind you. A shiver of anticipation raced down your spine, and a cascade of goosebumps rippled across your skin as you executed a deliberate, almost theatrical pivot to meet the piercing gaze of none other than Joel Fucking Miller.

———

If Joel had a dollar for every face he'd seen turn away from him in fear, he would've been a millionaire twelve years ago. But nothing felt as satisfying to him as watching your little friend scamper off to leave you with him.

He waited patiently for you to turn around before he spoke. His eyes drifted from the back of your head, tracing the contours of your figure, to rest on the soft curve of your ass. The sight made his breath hitch, and his gaze locked onto a familiar little red tag that stared back at him—Levi's.

Fuck  he thought to himself. Those must've cost a pretty thing like you a whole lot.

After what felt like ages, you finally turned to meet his gaze. Your soft, youthful face surprised him. You were young, younger than him, maybe even younger than Sarah would've been.

Your lips parted slightly as you gazed up at him with your fucking doe eyes. His eyes traveled south from your lips to the silver cross around your neck. He cringed internally, his gaze shifting away from your neck as he signaled to Seth at the bar.

"Mr. Miller..." Your voice fell warily from your lips, carrying a soft southern accent that caught his ear.

Joel grunted softly. "Mhmm," he replied, waiting for Seth to bring his last whiskey of the night. He had to force himself to look away from you.

"You're… Ellie's dad?" Your voice sounded sheepish, not in the usual "I'm scared of you" kind of way he was accustomed to in this town, but in a "I messed up" kind of way. He spared a glance at you, noticing how you fidgeted with your hands and struggled to make eye contact, trying to look up at him apologetically.

"Mhmm," was all Joel settled for after a long pause. Your face paled, and he had to look away to keep from laughing.

"I am so sorry, Mr. Miller!! Ellie has been a great help, and I'd love for her to st—" You sounded panicked, and he didn't like it.

"Kid's got ADHD or somethin'. Can't finish anything she starts…unless it's food or a sentence," the words flew from Joel's mouth before he could process what he had just said. Seth rounded the bar at that moment and handed Joel his whiskey.

Joel took the glass and was about to take a sip when your giggle froze him in his tracks. It wasn't a laugh or a chuckle, but a full-blown giggle.

"Haha! She is very food motivated! Sometimes I catch her going for the sugar cubes that are meant for the horses," you laughed as you spoke to him. Joel looked down at you with a crooked smirk, sipping his whiskey as he turned his attention back to his glass.

"Well… uhm, I should probably..." Your voice trailed off with a hint of uncertainty, and from his peripheral vision, Joel could make out a flush on your cheeks as you tried to awkwardly excuse yourself from his presence.

"You let me know if she gives you more trouble..." What the hell was he doing? Was he actually talking right now or was it the whiskey? Slowly, he turned to look at you, his left arm resting on the bar as he slowly set his glass down, shoving his right hand in his belt loop. You were flushed, perhaps you'd had too much to drink? Or maybe it was... nah. He looked into your eyes, his gaze searching yours for a moment before dropping to that stupid silver cross on your neck. He wanted to rip it off your neck while burying himself deep inside you. Your voice brought his attention from your neck and his thoughts to the present, where he stared into your eyes.

"Yeah… I, uh... I will." You almost sounded confused and curious. You were biting your lip, your face still flushed, your hair framing your face perfectly. He had to stop himself from grabbing you by the back of the head and forcing himself on you. "Thanks for fixin’ up the jukebox..." Long gone was the shy demeanor as your words came out like sultry silk. You stared back at him seriously, and he could tell you were being genuine. He tried to swallow the sudden dryness the whiskey had left in his mouth. His aching back and throbbing knees from fixin’ the damn thing long forgotten as he rolled your thanks around in his head.

Damn.

He grunted in response and, with a white-knuckle grip on his whiskey glass, he forced himself to walk away. He passed by you, his form squeezing around yours in the crowded bar as people danced. He forced himself to look straight ahead when your left shoulder grazed his chest as he nudged past you gently. He slinked his way back to his table in the corner, where Tommy and Maria now occupied two of the four chairs.

As soon as he approached, they eyed him and stopped talking almost immediately. Tommy spoke up first with a smirk. "So uh..."

"Shut it," Joel snapped, his words coming out harsher than he had intended, and Maria huffed.

"Be nice. You're on my good side for the night. Don't make that change before I've even had a chance to enjoy it," she glared at him. Leave it to Tommy to pick a hardass for his wife.

"She's nice, Joel, but... she's young," Maria said with a sigh.

He felt angry heat flicker in his belly, replacing the momentary desire. He glared at Maria, who stared right back at him, and he felt his jaw tighten, his teeth grinding.

"Hon, why don't we go dance... enjoy it while we can?" Tommy's voice rang out, and for once, Joel was thankful for his baby brother.

He watched carefully as Maria reluctantly agreed and let Tommy lead her away. Tommy shot Joel a knowing look as he disappeared into a sea of people. Joel settled back into his seat from before, his eyes scanning the now dancing and raucous crowd.

Unconsciously, he found himself searching for you, scanning the spot where you'd stood with your friends, but it was now occupied by some other men.

———

"What the fuck, Ginger?!" You spat harshly as you confronted the two girls who were practically shivering outside, puffing on a shared cigarette.

"What do you mean 'what the fuck'? You were runnin' your mouth about the scariest man in town's daughter!" Ginger retorted, a mischievous laugh escaping her lips. "I wasn't about to stand witness to you getting your teeth kicked in!" she added, taking another drag.

"Wait, you saw Joel Miller?!" Caroline chimed in as she put out the cigarette.

"Saw him?! She damn near insulted his daughter in front of him!" Ginger laughed, and you could feel your cheeks redden.

"I didn't know he was behind me! You could've said something! I had to apologize, standin' there like an abandoned idiot!" You playfully frogged Ginger on the arm, your accent growing thicker with anger.

"Ow!" Ginger winced as she rubbed her skinny arm through her leather coat.

"Wait, you actually talked to him?!" Caroline asked as if it were an impossible feat.

"Well, yeah. I felt kind of bad… Ellie is a good kid, she's just very talkative," you explained, crossing your arms to ward off the cold.

"And he talked back?" Caroline continued her interrogation.

"I mean if you can call a couple of pig-like grunts talking, then yeah, I guess," you replied with a shrug.

"Hmm…" Caroline offered as she gave you a once-over. "Come on, let's get back inside." She headed into the bar, with you and Ginger following behind.

The night passed fairly uneventfully, save for a few men asking for a dance. Caroline, as usual, was the star of the night, charming most of the men into buying her drinks and joining her on the dance floor. Ginger cozied up to a man you recognized from the kitchen, someone she had been with before. You were starting to feel the fatigue kick in when you realized the line for the jukebox had drastically shortened. Excitedly, you made your way to the magical machine, your eyes scanning the list of songs. You were in awe of the extensive selection: Journey, Patsy Cline – one of your grandmother's favorites, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and some you didn't recognize at all, like Linda Ronstadt, ABBA, Earth, Wind & Fire…

You didn't even notice a presence near the bar, watching as you scanned the list in awe. Your fingers guided you, pressing the doorbell button connected to the coin slot, as you had watched so many people do all night. 

Your fingers grazed over the letter "J" for Joe—Jesus. "J" for Jesus, you mentally reprimanded yourself. Then you moved to a number, "5," your age on outbreak day. You listened to the machine click and whir in amazement. Unsure of the song title or the artist, you waited to hear the first chords.

"Came in from a rainy 

Thursday on the avenue 

Thought I heard you talking softly 

I turned on the lights, the TV, and the radio 

Still, I can't escape the ghost of you..."

Leaning on the jukebox, you listened to the foreign song by a band called Duran Duran. The lyrics suddenly made you feel melancholic as you absorbed each word.

"What has happened to it all?

 Crazy, some'd say 

Where is the life that I recognize? (Gone away)"

———

Joel couldn't help himself. He wanted to blame the whiskey, but deep down, he knew he wasn't even close to drunk. From his spot at the far end of the bar, he watched as you walked up to the damn jukebox. You looked like a kid on Christmas, that twinkle in your eye, just like Sarah when he threw her a surprise birthday party with all her friends, or like Ellie at the Museum…

He watched you hesitate when it was your turn to pick a song. His eyes drifted to those Levi's, like they had been poured onto you. The way they clung to your curves made his mind wander. He imagined himself coming up behind you in his kitchen while you prepared to cook something that he had hunted. His chest tucking into the curve of your back while he pressed his hips into the curve of your ass. The thought shot an arrow of fire straight to his groin. Fortunately for him, Maria's voice echoed in his head. "She's nice, Joel... but she's young." He knew Maria wasn't bullshitting him about that. You hardly looked the same age as the women you hung around with.

His gaze shifted from the curve of your hip to the profile of your face. From this angle, he could watch your eyes scanning the song choices. He wondered what you would choose and, for a fleeting moment, told himself that if you picked a slow song, he'd have to ask you to dance. He watched your face crinkle slightly as you read through the songs, likely because you didn't recognize most of them. Sipping his whiskey, he waited to see the outcome.

He observed as your fingers grazed the buttons until making their final destination. He couldn't help but imagine what those fingertips would feel like grazing his body in the same tender way. Your smile lit up when the jukebox whirred to life, and he released a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding when the song "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran began playing. It was an odd choice, he thought to himself.

The semi-familiar song filled the now-dwindling bar. Couples still danced, others nursed their beers, and some chatted. His eyes remained locked on your face as you listened intently. He could tell you had chosen the song on a whim, not knowing it. He sat and watched as the once-childlike wonder on your face slowly dissolved into a heartbreaking frown, one that he had seen a hundred times before on different women's faces.

Heat rose on his cheeks as he watched the blonde from earlier drunkenly sling her arm over your shoulder. Suddenly, he felt like a creep for watching you for so long. He turned his gaze back to his now-empty glass as Seth came over to offer him another. Politely declining, Joel stood up slowly, adjusted his coat, and, feeling a pang of regret, he slipped out the side door of the bar.

"But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive"

———

"Come on, kiddo… time for you to walk me home," Caroline hummed in your ear, her arm slung around you. Her alcohol-laden breath pulled you out of your self-wallowing music session. You slid your left arm around her waist, providing some balance as she leaned her head on your shoulder.

"My dad loved Duran Duran…" Caroline slurred into your neck, and a shiver ran down your spine. She had only mentioned her father once before, and it had been followed by a request never to bring it up again. Hastily, you changed the subject and led her to the entrance of the bar to retrieve her coat.

You grabbed her dark purple barn coat and draped it around her shoulders, making sure she was bundled up, then zipped up your own coat tightly. Caroline took your hand as you began to walk, leaning heavily on you. It had to be late because as soon as you stepped outside the Tipsy Bison, you felt your hair freeze. Both your and Caroline's breath fogged up the space in front of you as you surveyed the mostly empty streets of Jackson. Caroline's house was on the other side of town, and you mentally prepared yourself for the chilly walk ahead when Caroline made a mumbled noise into the crook of your neck.

“‘S lookin at you all night..” she murmured as you helped her navigate the snow-covered streets.

"Hmm, darlin'?" you asked, guiding her carefully.

"He was lookin' at you!" she repeated, a bit louder this time.

Confused, you adjusted your hold on her to prevent any accidental slips that could bring both of you down in the snow. "Who was lookin'?" you inquired, but she didn't reply. Suddenly, she went limp in your arms, and you let out a soft yelp at the abrupt change in weight.

"Carol?!" you called, trying to stifle a laugh as she put her full weight on you. "Shit. How much did you drink, darlin'?" you groaned, realizing that you were going to have to carry her home.

The walk across town to Caroline's house had left you wide awake. After taking her shoes off and tucking her into bed alongside a peacefully sleeping Olivia, you left the house quietly, ensuring the door was locked behind you. Stepping back out into the night, you were greeted by the sight of the quiet town, blanketed in snow with darkness settling in. A shiver ran down your spine as you took in the serene atmosphere.

You began your journey toward your own home, which lay on the opposite end of town. However, as you walked, your thoughts wandered back to the saddle that Ellie hadn't finished oiling. Despite your tiredness, you knew that if you went home now, you'd simply lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep. With a sigh, you turned on your heel and headed back towards the stables, your hands shoved deep into your pockets to ward off the cold.

As the stables came into view, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of your stomach. The door was ajar, and a soft light spilled out from within. You knew you had closed up for the night, and the thought of leaving a kerosene lamp burning in a barn full of hay and the town's most prized mode of transportation was, unthinkable.

An uneasy thought crossed your mind; maybe it was Maria or Tommy, someone needing to head out for a late-night patrol. However, such occurrences were rare unless there was an emergency. With cautious steps, you entered the stables as quietly as you could, your senses on high alert.

To your chagrin, you found the horses calmly chewing on the hay you had left for them hours ago. The pit in your stomach deepened as you scanned the area, trying to discern any signs of an intruder.

"H...Hello?" you called out, your voice sounding uncharacteristically shaky even to your own ears. You couldn't help but think sarcastically, Oooh, very threatening. In that moment a thought crossed your mind that maybe Jackson was making you soft. You stood there, waiting for a reply, but there was none.

Confused and still on edge, you carefully followed the source of the soft lantern light. It led you to the back of the stables and into the tack room, your footsteps echoing softly in the enclosed space.

There, almost right where Ellie had left it, you saw the saddle that Mike had found on his patrol. However, what caught your attention in the dimly lit room was the unmistakable sheen across the leather. It gleamed in the lantern light, catching your eye immediately. It had been fully oiled, a stark contrast to the untouched condition it had been in earlier when Ellie had been working on it.

Confusion wracked your body; did Joel make Ellie come back to oil the saddle? Your fingers gingerly rubbed the leather between your fingers. No, this wasn’t Ellie’s work; this was oiled to perfection. Ellie was a good kid, hell, a great kid considering all the other children who’d grown up in this hellscape, but she oiled saddles like she was pouring syrup on pancakes. No, this had been done by someone with skill and experience.

A soft smile crossed your face as you reached for the lantern. Maybe Joel Miller wasn't the monster your friends had told you about after all. You'd have to ask Ellie in the morning. 

As you stepped out of the barn, relocking everything up for the night, you couldn’t shake the warm feeling in your gut. A feeling you hadn’t felt since you’d eaten your last meal with your grandparents... a feeling that scared you.

Unbeknownst to you, a dark figure across the street watched from the shadows, illuminated only by the orange glow of his lit cigarette as he leaned against a column under the roof of the general store. Joel took a drag from his cigarette as he watched you relock the barn for the night. He tried to tell himself the warm feeling in his chest was from the cigarette he'd been puffing on, but he knew better.

Joel took one last drag from his cigarette, flicked it to the ground, and crushed it beneath his boot before heading home, maybe something good came from that damn jukebox after all… he thought to himself as his eyes followed your form walking off into the snowy darkness of Jackson.

[davecortel]

an open letter to myself

Dear selffff,

I understand this might seem unusual, but I am writing to you in the hope that this letter will bring you comfort in the future. I know you've been burdened with a heavy heart recently, and I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the pain you're feeling.

Life's like a game of emotional whack-a-mole—challenges pop up, dreams dodge us, rejection stings, and loneliness lurks. It's okay to admit when you're battling it out. Just remember, feeling these things is human, and you don't have to play superhero all the time.

I see you grinding through each day, facing challenges head-on with perseverance and quietly demonstrating courage, even when the spotlight isn't on you. I hope my recognition is enough validation that your efforts and sacrifices truly matter. You don't need to seek other people's validation. Yourself is enough: me! Your feelings are as legit as this country's debt—so take a sec to mourn what's gone sideways or didn't quite pan out as planned.

The road ahead might be trickier than a rubik's cube in the dark, and it's totally cool to feel a bit like a Weather Forecast on a slow wifi. But hey, cut yourself some slack. Give yourself room to feel, shed a tear or two, and drop those heavy bags—even if it's just for a coffee break.

Think of this sadness like a dramatic plot twist in your life's novel. Sure, it's a tear-jerker now, but flip a few pages, and you'll find chapters bursting with joy, laughter, and love. Trust me, the sequel looks promising! May I remind you about your plan to visit Taiwan? Keep envisioning that tour until it becomes a reality. You've travelled to Singapore and Vietnam solo—this time will be no different. You've got this. Who knows, you might find yourself working abroad soon! That's it. Be excited about your plans, because that is what you love, that what makes you happy!

Above all, be kind to yourself when you're feeling down.

Take care of your heart, dear self, and keep faith that brighter days are just around the corner. This gloom will clear, and you'll strut back into the sunshine like a boss.

Truly yours, the one and only that cares for you,

Self <3

[threeland-travel]

Experience the magic of Vietnam with a Mekong River tour, an unforgettable Vietnam tour through one of the world’s most stunning waterways. Spanning nearly 5,000 kilometers across six countries, the Mekong River offers vibrant cultures, ancient temples, lively floating markets, and diverse wildlife. This guide highlights the must-see temples, local cuisine, thrilling adventures, and rich cultural rhythms, helping you plan an unforgettable trip that connects you with nature and tradition.

[thetypedwriter]

The Women Book Review

The Women by Kristin Hannah Book Review

I have been tasked with yet another book club book. 

I am in the era of book clubs apparently (and I’m not complaining). 

The Women by Kristin Hannah is another example of a book I would never normally read. It’s not YA and it’s about war. In general, I’m not the biggest fan of fighting or bloodshot which usually discounts any war books.

However, since I had to read this for my school book club and it's from the perspective of a female nurse during the Vietnam War instead of a soldier, I was cautiously optimistic. 

Turns out, I really enjoyed it. 

For people like me, people who don’t like war or fighting or bloodshed, this book is not for you. That being said, I thought The Women offered a fascinating take on a historic event but told from the view of a group largely marginalized and forgotten: women. 

Namely, the novel follows Frances “Frankie” McGrath and her story of becoming a hero by serving as a nurse in the Vietnam War following the death of her older brother, Finley.

Wanting to make her parents’ proud and get her photo tacked onto her fathers’ hero wall, Frankie enlists as a nurse without any training or experience. 

Naive and doe-eyed from her coddled life on Coronado Island, California, Frankie finds out very quickly that life in a war is worlds away from the country clubs and sparkling oceans from home. 

With soldiers and civilians alike coming in with chest wounds, missing limbs, and burned bodies, Frankie quickly casts away the shell of her former self and adapts to life in ‘Nam. She grows and learns and leans into her one passion: nursing. 

The first half of the book is about Frankie’s years in Vietnam and the horrendous things that she witnesses and deals with on a daily basis. The details are…atrocious.

As a book about war, this was expected, but still harrowing. To read about the appalling wounds and injuries that American soldiers and Vietnam villagers suffered and endured are heart-wrenching beyond belief. 

It was almost as much of a relief to me as a reader as it was to Frankie when she finishes her second tour in Vietnam and goes home, a concept that seemed as far away and as foreign as Vietnam once seemed to a sheltered girl in the 1960’s. 

The whole second half of the book is almost as terrible as the first, but in a less gruesome sense. Frankie’s life since coming back is less than ideal…

Being assaulted at home with anti-war sentiments, people calling her a baby killer, her parents telling their Coronado community that she’s been away in Florence, people unwilling or hesitant to talk about the war, and on and on it goes. 

Frankie, who expected people to be proud of her, drowns instead in her own shame and suffering, sending her down a dark spiral accompanied by addiction, drunk driving, and the betrayal of her own morals, values, and beliefs. 

All in all, The Women is exactly what you would expect of a war novel. It includes grisly injuries beyond most people’s imaginations, the struggle to reintegrate into one’s life back home, the pull of addiction in order to numb the pain and nightmares, and the eventual finding of one’s self in the aftermath of so much pain and suffering. 

The one special caveat of this book, is, as its namesake suggests, about the women. Over and over again in the novel a variety of people say, “There were no women in Vietnam.”

Lies. There were women. Important, significant, brave women who made a difference. 

This book is their legacy, one that will never be forgotten. 

Recommendation: War books are not my cup of tea. The fighting, the sadness, the agony—it’s usually too gut-wrenching for me to consume. However, The Women is such an important tale detailing the heroic women of the Vietnam War, their contributions, and their lives.

This book taught me so much, as well as deeply saddened me to know that such a horrific event took place in human history that cost countless precious lives. 

This is not a book I picked up willingly and I probably won’t read another war book for some time (or ever), but I appreciated all that I learned. It showed me how fleeting life is and made me grateful for the life I have now. 

Any book that can remind me of my own mortality (and make me cry) is pretty powerful in my opinion. 

Score: 7/10

[fresh-depression-soup]

No one believes in aliens. Heck, even I don’t particularly have an opinion. But, there are facts that we should be aware of and that line-up suspiciously.

For instance, my family has a long history in military work dating back to the Founding Fathers themselves, more recently being in the Air Force. My great uncle was in the same unit as President George Bush Sr. in WWII, my dad’s dad and stepdad and my grandpa were Air Force during WWII and Vietnam, and mom’s dad was in New Mexico as one of the soldiers helping test the first atom bomb. It is truly astounding how far back family history takes you, how far it shows your blood has been. My dad has been around the country during his youth while his dad and stepdad were active duty, consequently seeing quite more of the U.S. than is probably available to the general public. He has recalled to my siblings and I exactly once, and in careful detail, of an event we are only privy to through accident. My dad’s mom’s side of the family lived in New Mexico during one of the most curious possible alien sightings, by circumstance of a family member being in service nearby at the time.

Roswell, New Mexico, is a place of great debate.

All I can say is that we have accounts, handed down to me by just two generations of family, that witnessed the most infamous day that birthed the phenomena of UFO sightings. But, is unidentified really true? The event is disregarded in history as a military balloon so why would the flying object be unidentified?

Perhaps it is unidentified because we do not actually know where it came from. If the first hand accounts sneakily passed through generations are anything to be believed, then aliens are just as real a possibility as imaginable. Nothing is concrete of course, the accounts have had plenty of time to be embellished through time, but even the bare bones picture of what is painted shows something similar to a worldwide cover up by the United States government.

It sounds crazy, because it is. But also my family is not the type to joke, especially when you talk about my dad’s mom’s side.

From the stories, my family saw snippets of the craft that was taken by far, far too many government vehicles and guarded by an unreasonable amount of local and national police. If this was “just a weather balloon,” it must have been a hell of an important one. Also, the recovered wreckage that was seen in transport was incredibly advanced and sleek, nothing that my family had ever seen before from test sites.

On its own, these circumstances are suspicious but not enough to make any declaration with.

So I will add the statements of my own father, who in the late 1970s or early 1980s, was with his parents going through a military facility in Ohio. They were there for a tour of sorts of the portions of the facility open to the public. My father, being young, dumb, and curious, snuck off from the group and wandered into the part of the facility top secret to anyone except the high ranking military staff. He had taken a staircase down a few floors and eventually ran into another museum kind of room - except it was filled with alien artifacts.

It has been long enough my father does not remember everything that was in the room, but he vividly remembers seeing pieces of smooth metal in thick, glass display cases titled, “Recovered Alien Craft from Roswell, NM.” My father was found soon after he made it into that room and was escorted out of the building with his parents, and sworn under NDAs they signed before going in, they can never publicly talk about anything they saw in the facility.

I’m starting to wonder now if that was a bad idea.

As I stare at the national news channel, witness to the live feed of alien starships sending smaller fighters across the world, I can’t help but wonder if secrecy was worth this. I can’t help but wonder if the world knew the truth my father whispered to me two decades ago, if it would become this bad this fast. I can’t help but wonder what better ways we could have defended ourselves if our oh so righteous government would have warned us of our apocalypse.

This is not the battle we thought we would face, but humanity has always reveled in war.

So we took up arms, our differences unceremoniously shoved in the corner. Humanity, for the first time in millenia, issued a state of peace with each other worldwide. Of course, we still had our differences at home, but faced with an invading trans-galactic force that harnessed light travel while we were cavemen, we United.

We didn’t know until long later when sharing stories with other intergalactic species, but the invaders had been torturing the sectors of space nearest to us for longer than lived memory. Their official species title was Xakkiel, when translated to human tongue, but well. In the early days we fought back from every corner.

We nicknamed them The Imperial Khans.

On the early warfronts, humanity was scattered and uncoordinated mostly. But then, leaders arose. It actually didn’t surprise the world too much about where these resistance leaders came from. Each of them had the same drawl, the same will, and the same vicious instinct. In these early days, interplanetary communication was hard to come by because most satellites were destroyed by the Xakkiel, but word of mouth threw the stories far and wide, encouraging other resistance pockets. From the depths of America, stories of the Rednecks prevailed.

The Rednecks went out to their hunting gear and dragged out every single weapon they owned, whether rifles, handguns, knives, even a few swords and medieval armor sets from history lovers. These were distributed among unarmed friends and family and from there, the world grew hope. Stories of camo-covered snipers, wiping out entire Xakkiel units dispatched through the Appalachians and the forests of the Deep South, stories of ambushes from hand-to-hand combat proficient humans, and one notable story of Xakkiels running across bear families and being mauled.

The Imperial Khans grew to be scared of the thick accents of some humans, of rugged, sunburnt skin, of the sound of shotguns cocking.

Humans went from laughing or being fascinated by the idea of aliens, to beheading them.

We don’t “believe” in aliens anymore. We despise them. We chase them through our backyards and lose pieces of ourselves in the process, but for every human that lost a limb, a Xakkiel lost its life. Other species are fighting back against the oppression of the Xakkiels now too. They heard through the stars of a soft bodied, yet determined and unbreakable race that was invaded and continued still, breaking the spirits of those who began the invasion.

Humans have banded together with broken Xakkiel craft and fixed it, using them to chase the invaders out of our solar system and others. Now we are the aliens - except we save the universe instead of destroying it.

[gerardpilled]

i love mcr but i really wish they’d come to more countries :( they have a huuuuuge fanbase in brazil and and singapore and russia, it sucks that poland and japan were like the most out-there places they performed at during the reunion tour. i’m from russia and they were supposed to come here in 2020, but that got cancelled bc of covid, and then in 2022, but then that got cancelled bc of the war 😭😭 it makes me really sad that i probably won’t ever get to see them live and i feel like south american and asian fans feel the same

i mean, you never know what could happen! but i do think them not going to South America and southeast Asia is a big misstep if they don't end up doing a small tour. i would honestly prefer them going to those places over another US tour anytime soon. They went to Singapore and Vietnam back in the day. Also, just look at their spotify stats and 3 out of the top 5 cities streaming are in Indonesia!!

[nattaphum]

Man Suang timeline

April 13

Mile and Apo added some new interesting info on the movie during this interview:

(this part is only about man suang, i cropped out the rest)

April 16

April 17

A fan found out that the tree in the last story up here is a jujube tree:

The importance of jujube trees in the thai tradition

According to historical records, Jujube trees -- known as pud sa in Thai -- were a favourite of King Naresuan, a great monarch during the Ayutthaya period. Over three centuries ago, King Naresuan ordered them to be planted in the palace area to express his gratitude after an incident where the elephant he was riding stumbled in battle but was prevented from falling by a Jujube tree. Much later, King Rama V also ordered hundreds of these trees to be planted in Ayutthaya, and invited local people to freely pick their fruit to engender a sense of civic pride.

The park has been a Unesco World Heritage Site since 1991.

April 18

During THE HIDDEN CHARACTER event Pond said that Man Suang will be the first thai movie to be premiered simultaneously in many foreign countries 💥!!!!!!!

They chose some countries where they know they have a fanbase thanks to the KinnPorsche World Tour such as Singapore, Korea, Philippines, Vietnam, Taipei, Hong Kong but also other countries like Indonesia ,Malaysia, Japan, Australia and so on…

Pond also said that they’re going to finish filming by the middle of may (so apparently not before the woody talk event like they suggested)

Mile and Apo talked about Man Suang during the press conference:

Question to Mile: can you talk about the bruises you got when filming Man Suang?

Mile: it's simply just an accident, there are some scenes that are a little bit too intense and it's normal for an accident to happen. My shoulder once got dislocated during the shooting of kinnporsche, that was the first time. It was something a little bit too intense and made this area (shoulder area) to get easily injured and it hurts a lot but it will recover in 2-3 weeks. Now there’s a little bruise but it's nothing serious. It's normal for an accident to occur

Apo: fans are worried because he's someone who gets bruised easily 😅

Mile: Not on the outside but here (*points to his heart*) 😂 I got to play one joke today 😂 I didn't get to see a doctor. I consulted my brother about it. He's a doc/physician and he has his other doctor friends so he told me to take this med and that med. I also did take care of myself because at that time I was very busy every day… we also went to India during that time. So i didn't have time to go see a doctor. So I was being careful at that time. Yes, it happened but I was happy

Apo: because it's a memory

Mile: Yeah it's a memory (*points at apo and himself*) and I heard people say that if we're careful enough we will still get hurt but if we aren't careful at all, we'd get hurt more than this

April 19

Pond left a comment on IG:

Poor boys :(

April 20

[ambitchousbutrubbish]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

*Jeremy voice* bloody hell…

10 years seems like a lifetime ago for me. I moved across the world back to my home country, and Top Gear as we knew it had come to an end not long after. Then we got The Grand Tour. This blog went crazy as I spam posted about both shows, cool cars, and of course Clarkson, Hammond and May. I’m glad I have a space here still to freak out about it, and that others appear to resonate with it lol.

Ok, what the hell, here’s my life story with Top Gear if anyone cares;

I started watching Top Gear in 2012 when my boyfriend at the time gave me all the episodes from his hard drive, and I watched them over and over. New episodes premiered since then and I watched them too, I remember when I was away on holiday and went back to my room to watch Tom Hiddleston as the star in the reasonably priced car as soon as it dropped lol.

Top Gear became a comfort show for me during my lowest times, making me laugh when I felt like I couldn’t. It made me miss my home country even more because it was undeniably and unapologetically British. When I finally moved back and started again, I had no friends for a while. So they filled the void, whenever they did the news or squabbled over cars, it felt like listening to banter with friends. When they were raging and screaming during challenges, I laughed and felt like I was in the passenger’s seat along for the ride. When they’d go to different countries, it made me fall in love with those places. I still really, REALLY want to go to Vietnam because of Top Gear, they really captured the beauty of that country. Hopefully one day I can go there and see it for myself.

Idk man, I love these three idiots, and their crew for giving us the entertainment. They didn’t have to go this hard on (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) everything they do, but they did that for us, and I am very, VERY grateful for that. This show still cheers me up, I watch it on iplayer now (cos some of the files on my hard drive no longer play lol) and it’s given me a lot of writing inspiration as well.

Hopefully I get to meet the guys one day, or at least one of them, just to say thanks for the pokey little motoring show that gave that lonely and depressed 17/18 year old girl some hope and laughs. 30 year old me still quotes it, and I still laugh like I’m hearing it for the first time.

I hope this doesn’t sound like a goodbye post, cos it’s not. Lol, I’m not very active on this blog anymore, or on tumblr in general on any of my other accounts, but I’m still around popping in every now and then to shitpost.

Thanks for reading this far anyway if you did :) I hope my experience resonated with some of you

And on that bombshell,

Goodnight!👋 (I am actually writing this at night lmao)