davecortel

[davecortel]

cubao expo

[davecortel]

Mt. Pinatubo

[davecortel]

me and my love

[davecortel]

I got the latest iPhone Pro Max, and suddenly everyone’s treating me like I hit the jackpot. Relax, people—it’s a phone, not a golden ticket to a secret billionaire club.

[davecortel]

IG @JAVARISXFIGHTTHOSEDEMONS

[davecortel]

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”

— Dita Von Teese

[davecortel]

[davecortel]

Am I really emotionally avoidant?

At 26, you’d think I’d be ready for a real relationship, yet I still find myself feeling detached and emotionally avoidant when things start to get serious. It’s like a reflex—I recognize someone’s interest, enjoy it up to a certain point, but once it feels like it might lead to commitment, I retreat. It’s as if I can handle companionship and even genuine connection, but the moment there’s an expectation, an unwelcome alarm starts blaring inside me, pushing me to pull back.

Last year, I had a relationship with someone younger than me. It wasn’t anything particularly romantic, just a nice time spent together, a sense of shared fun, and an easygoing vibe. I enjoyed our time; I felt no pressure, and in that freedom, I could actually be myself. However, as time passed, I could see he was becoming more committed, looking for more consistency from me, and that’s where things began to unravel. He would get visibly stressed every time I missed a message or forgot to respond. What was light and fun started to feel heavy, like it was losing its easy rhythm. I ended things, feeling like I had no choice but to walk away before things got more intense. It felt easier than dealing with the pressure of having to meet someone else’s expectations of commitment.

This year, it happened again. An old friend from high school started reaching out more frequently. I was excited at first—it felt nostalgic and easy, and I liked the familiarity. But again, as we kept talking every day, he started showing signs of wanting something deeper. He was clingy in a way that made me feel on edge, and the conversations began to feel loaded with unspoken hopes of where this might go. As soon as I sensed that shift, I pulled away. I started limiting our conversations, subtly pushing him back into the “friend zone” to avoid the possibility of things turning into a full-fledged relationship.

Reflecting on this now, I realize I have an avoidant tendency that kicks in every time a relationship reaches a certain level of closeness or commitment. It’s not that I don’t want companionship; I crave it, but only within a certain boundary. I fear getting emotionally entangled in someone else’s expectations because it feels like a loss of my independence. There’s an underlying voice that whispers, “This is too much” or “I can’t handle this,” and it compels me to withdraw.

What I’m beginning to see is that my emotional avoidance isn’t just about protecting myself from hurt or loss. It’s a fear of letting go of the freedom I associate with being on my own. As long as I’m in control of the pace and depth, I feel safe. But the moment someone else begins to want or expect more from me, I see that as a threat to my comfort zone.

I don’t have all the answers right now. I know that if I truly want a meaningful relationship, I need to work on this part of myself and understand what I’m so afraid of. Maybe it’s vulnerability, or perhaps it’s the fear of being unable to meet someone else’s needs. But for now, I’m just acknowledging it, hoping that understanding it is the first step toward managing it better. If I ever want to build something lasting, I’ll need to face this part of myself head-on instead of running away every time someone starts getting close.

[davecortel]

[davecortel]

[davecortel]

“Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.”

— Winston Churchill

[davecortel]

[davecortel]

block me out (gracie abrams)

[davecortel]

Danez Smith, Don't Call Us Dead

[davecortel]

just another mundane October (2024) no big dramas, just livin’

[davecortel]

Ever notice how people who live half in books and films can seem less… motivated at work? Like, they’re all about life lessons, epic journeys, and characters that make them feel something deep, but when it comes to a 9-to-5, it’s like the spark isn’t there.

Maybe it’s because books and movies give us this heightened, idealized version of reality. They make us crave lives filled with meaning and creativity—so when real life hits with its repetitive tasks and strict rules, it can feel like a letdown. There’s no thrilling plot twist, no character arc… just paperwork and emails.

Stories also have a way of showing characters beating the odds in these crazy ways, usually without the mundane grind we all deal with. So, when work demands this constant push for efficiency, it can feel suffocating to people who just want a little room to think and explore. And yeah, maybe they daydream or get lost in their thoughts more than others—because sometimes the stories in their head feel way more alive than the daily tasks.

Workplaces could learn a thing or two from the world of stories—maybe if jobs had a bit more creativity and purpose, we’d all find it easier to bring that same passion from books and films into the real world. But until then, maybe we’ll just keep dreaming, hoping for something more than spreadsheets and deadlines.

[davecortel]

i like seeing you live. please continue being alive and creating good core memories.

🥹🥹🥹