#video games will NOT consume my entire night this time!!

[yanmuffins]

SAFETY IN IGNORANCE.

Yandere! Prince! Gojo X fem! Isekai! Maid! Reader

SUMMARY: You’ve been transmigrated to the world of an otome game, taking the place of one of Prince Satoru's personal attendants, a measly side character with no name or relevance to the story.

As it turns out, life in the castle isn't so bad, and the certainty of food and shelter is welcome when finding a way home isn't ever guaranteed. Besides, your boss isn't as insufferable as you thought he would be. It could be worse. Isn't it nice, knowing you're safe?

WORD COUNT: 7.4k words (😮)

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS: NONCON (no intercourse), somnophilia, mentions of past s/a, mild yandere behavior (if you squint?), mild derealization, AU setting.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: please be aware my writing is quite rusty!! this is the first piece of writing that i finish IN YEARS and it's a fucking jjk darkfic. sigh. writing smutty scenes is also so awkward lmao, forgive me if it sucks severely. at least i hope you enjoy this little fucked up fic in have cooked up. it's hot and ready to be consumed! (๑>؂•̀๑)

-> MINORS DNI !

“TALES OF SPELLBINDING LOVE is a visual novel that takes place in a fantastical setting, where you can find your happily ever after with the character of your choice.”

It's been years – in this world, at least – but you still remember every word skimmed with dry, irritated eyes, as you stared at a bright screen, surrounded by the darkness of your own bedroom. It was another restless night among many, spent watching YouTube videos and reading pirated manga in questionable website, sipping on valerian tea.

So, like any other night, your adblocker dutifully served its purpose, shielding your browser from annoying, abusive, virulent ads.

Except for one.

“Enter the enchanting world of TALES OF SPELLBINDING LOVE through SARA, a kind-hearted peasant, as she meets all sorts of swoon-worthy suitors!”

You should have closed the page, sketchy as it was, but it had piqued your interest. It was a Friday night. You were sleepless. It was past midnight, tossing and turning in bed had done little to welcome slumber. Your home was tidy and organized from insomniac hours from nights before. You were bored.

“Play with a cast of handsome men, make the right choices and uncover exciting secret routes...”

Nothing about the web design told you the game was anything but a harmless dating simulator for an adult audience. Maybe it was the pastel color-scheme, with soft pinks, yellows, blues, purples and greens, or the elegant cursive font and colorful flowers adorning the page. In fact, other than the initial synopsis, there wasn't much to look at. No content warnings, nothing about the capture targets or the heroine you were supposed to be playing as, not even the usual information on how many endings or CGs you could get.

At the bottom of the page, “ENTER.” and “LEAVE?” buttons waited for a decision.

Maybe... you could give it a try? Hopefully it would entertain you until your eyelids finally grew heavy, allowing you to drift off before sunshine seeped through your window signaling dawn had arrived.

You clicked “ENTER.”.

... And here you are now, mending Prince Satoru's shirt before another hunting trip.

It's been ten years since you've come to this world. Your own body replaced that of a nameless background character with no narrative purpose, allowing you to exist as yourself in this entirely alien reality. You're not sure how much time has passed in your original world, whether you've been dead for a decade or simply unconscious for a couple of minutes, and you haven't gotten any closer to finding out.

You sigh, weary, looking down at the flax linen shirt laid over your lap, needle in hand. Simple, at first glance, a bit worn, but a nice piece of garment not everyone could afford to have in their wardrobe. One of its puffed sleeves now torn at the shoulder lining, an unfortunate result of it being caught by a tree branch during horse-riding. Nothing you couldn’t fix, however, skilled as you’d become over the years.

Ten years in this world.

Ten years working as Prince Satoru’s personal maid.

You got rewarded for that.

The luxurious pearl necklace that became a part of your distinguished blue uniform, accompanied by a gold pendant encrusted with gemstones shaped like the Gojo’s family crest. It was an honor given to faithful, dutiful servants to the crown, closest to the royal family.

Satoru and you were both eighteen when you’d first presented yourself as his new personal maid. This body, undoubtedly yours, seemed to have aged down a few years, most likely to match the age of your predecessor. They had, apparently, been working hard to better their lot in life, aiming for an often-vacant position at the prince’s small circle of personal attendants. You inherited the skills they’d nurtured, bettering them along the years, allowing you to secure your spot as long as you have.

That, and Prince Satoru Gojo’s character trivia really came in handy an absurd number of times.

There were worse fates out there, especially for a transmigrated person like you. Sure, maybe life as a privileged noblewoman would have been ideal, even more useful in searching for a way home, but being a personal servant to Prince Satoru, as… Eccentric as he was, gave you advantages compared to other peasants, even other castle servants. Plenty of food, fine fabrics, individual accommodations, not having to exhaust yourself scrubbing floors all day or sweating by the heat of the kitchen fires – besides, the Gojo heir wasn’t quite as terrible a boss once you got used to him.

You remember finding his route in-game quite boring, full of cliché tropes and little to no conflict. He was also kind of an overbearing asshole the entire time, unlikability salvaged only by his elven good looks.

But nothing could have prepared you to the otherworldly beauty he posed standing right in front of you, in the flesh, for the first time, glacial orbs eyeing you up and down. You admitted to yourself – although begrudgingly, as he was your least favorite character among the ones you’d played – that Satoru Gojo was as handsome as they come and had every right to be smug about it.

Smiling to yourself, you put aside the needle and thread to hold up the shirt with one hand, gently tracing over the repaired sleeve with the other. You tug at it to test its resistance, nodding absentmindedly when its stays in place. It’s good as new, just in time for his hunting trip. You get up, taking a moment to adjust your skirts and straighten your white linen apron and coif, neatly folding the shirt and draping it over your arm. According to your pocket watch, his attendants should be waking him up at any minute now.

You grab the doorknob, wondering when you’d become so accustomed to this life.

And then you’re heading towards the prince’s chambers.

Gojo’s head snaps in your direction as soon as he hears the door creak open, a lazy smile gracing his features. You bow to him, respectfully averting your eyes as an attendant removes his undertunic to reveal his naked form.

“Good morning, Your Highness.��

He doesn’t regard you immediately, arms raised as William, one of his attendants, quickly fetches the shirt from your arm and slips it over his head. It’s a morning ritual familiar to you by now, efficient movements shared between all three blue-clad servants in the room to make sure the prince will be properly dressed for his daily affairs.

Kai, your other colleague, hands you a black leather surcoat. It’s undoubtedly fit for royalty, handcrafted by the best tailor in the land; buttons of silver, western dragons embroidered on each side of its chest, facing each other, with gold thread some miller’s daughter had spun from straw – or so you’d heard. You feel his gaze upon you as you button up the overgarment, knowing exactly what he expects.

Gojo steps back when you’re done, doing a slow spin to show off his outfit.

“What flattery does this little doll have for me today?” He asks, “Do I look dashing?”

“Yes, my lord Prince, as always.” You respond, with a courtly nod of your head.

“What about my hair?”

“Soft like the finest silk in the land, fairer than the first snow of the season, Your Highness.”

“What about my lips?”

“Tender and pink like freshly bloomed petunias in springtime, Your Highness.”

“And my eyes? And my eyes?” Gojo goads you on, a boyish excitement to his voice, his face coming a bit too close for comfort as if pleading to look up at him.

Playfully, your eyes meet his, granting his unspoken wish, holding his gaze for nothing more than a few seconds, a simpering smile as you speak.

“So strikingly blue it would put a midday sky in a summer’s day to shame, Your Highness.”

He releases an exaggerated sigh before grabbing your face with both hands, squishing your cheeks – his touchiness hardly phased you anymore; harmless, albeit pestering –, head slightly cocked to the side and a pout on his lips.

“You tease.”

Kai, newer to the group, shoots an alarmed look towards William, who merely shrugs him off.

And just as quickly he releases you, storming out the door as you and your colleagues follow after him, hurrying along the hallway steps behind him like ducklings after their mother.

Gojo Satoru is exactly seven minutes late to meet his guests. Not his servant’s fault at all, of that, you are sure. You had checked your pocket watch while walking through the castle hallways, confirming he would be on time to meet his guests at the open area of the stables – that was, of course, before all the meaningless detours he took along the way. You’re not sure if he does it on purpose.

William had his weaponry arranged, waiting at the hands of a servant, while Kai had personally spoken to the Marshal to have his Highness’ horse ready, both having woken up earlier than usual to make the proper arrangements.

Naturally, they would follow him to the hunting trip, as part of his entourage, while you stayed behind and made sure all was perfect for their return.

Your arrangements included waking up as early as the kitchen staff, the sun barely peeking through the horizon, to revise the ingredients you’d requested in advance with the head cook, so a kitchen maid could go and fetch them from the forest or the market. You’d love to be able to traverse the markets or the woods freely, exploring, meeting new people, finding out new things about this world that could potentially lead to a way home — but alas, being a personal attendant to the prince meant tasks such as picking herbs at the woods or buying strawberries from a merchant were, per your colleague’s words, below you.

It's a nice day out. A faint breeze caresses your skin, cool enough to be refreshing, and the skies are clear and blue with not a cloud to be seen. The autumn sun shines gently upon the earth, sparing of its overbearing heat. Your presence isn’t exactly necessary, but Gojo has made a habit of you seeing him off and you wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be outside.

“Fashionably late as always, Satoru.” His grace, Geto Suguru, is the first one to speak up.

A swoon-worthy duke, with a storyline much too… disconcerting… for your taste. Though the number of times you’d spoken to Geto could be counted on your fingers, being in his presence still put you on edge. Not that he had ever done anything to you, but you’d accidentally met his eyes countless times, caught him staring at you with a gaze so invasive it made you feel like a criminal awaiting judgement.

“Late? Treason. A prince is always on time, Suguru.” Gojo replies with a nonchalant shrug, “You were the ones here early!”

Awaiting his arrival were a group of familiar young men. Most you had seen in-game through the extensive selection of capture targets, coming to meet them in-person over the years due to their ties with the prince. You had played some of their routes, but with the exception of Megumi – Gojo’s protégé – you hadn’t a reason to talk to them, merely exchanging a word or two or none at all when in their presence.

“Finally.”

Nanami Kento looks mildly inconvenienced as he speaks, tone flat, arms crossed over his broad chest and a visible scowl creasing his features. He was a retired knight, born a peasant, presently a Baron; a personal favorite of yours. You couldn’t help but steal a glance or two whenever he was around. You remember kicking your feet up in the air during his playthrough. Sometimes you still do.

Next to him stood Prince Yuji Itadori, too entertained by his own horse as he fed him a carrot. You have faint memories of playing his route, although you don’t remember finishing it. He was a sweetheart, from what you knew, periodically visiting from a neighboring kingdom to learn from Nanami and Satoru and cultivate friendly diplomatic relations. You’d cracked your head trying to recollect bits and pieces of his story, unsuccessfully. You had a pesky feeling it was relevant.

Fushiguro Megumi was last. Broody lost prince, currently hidden under Prince Satoru’s protection – you hadn’t played his route, but he was a constant side character in Gojo’s. He was still a child when you met him, shortly after Gojo brought him into the castle.

When Megumi notices you, there’s a smile; faint, barely noticeable, and he waves. You respond with a brief curtsy.

“Can we go?” Yuji protests, interrupting some petty squabble between Satoru and Suguru, “I hear there’s a huge wild boar running around causing ruckus around the village, I want to catch it!”

Mounted on his white steed, Gojo is a cliché as old as time; a trotting reminder of your being in a world that isn't your own. The anodyne sight of him looking down on you, pink lips softly curving upwards to gift you a kind smile as the sun shines from behind him is almost identical to one of the game’s CG’S. It shouldn’t – you’ve grown used to him, to living inside this game, material as your own world – but for a moment, and just a moment, the sight of a whimsical prince on a white horse wiggles an uncomfortable, yet familiar feeling of surrealness, unreality into your mind, making your stomach churn.

You ignore it. Mentally sweep it under the carpet of your subconscious. This is nothing new. You can spiral into an existential crisis over the absurd condition of your circumstances later, when you’re lying sleepless in bed staring at the ceiling.

You’ve run out valerian root, anyway.

“I am obliged to be away for an entire day!” He whines, words punctuated by dramatic sullenness to his body language.

You step closer to him, taking a respectful bow before offering him a pair of neatly-wrapped sunglasses, which he takes – a distinctive feature of his character.

“So, you must, Your Highness. Go, and may the mother of good luck be with you.”

Satoru extends an arm toward you, presenting his hand. You kiss it – your own lips touching soft, pristine skin; a needed reminded he was a person, made of flesh that could be touched and not pixels limited to a screen.

From your peripheral, Kai elbows William as discreetly as he can.

You return to the prince’s sleeping quarters immediately after their departure. Overseeing the chambermaids, you watch them change the bedding for a fresh set, correcting the pair on your favored arrangement of pillows, fussing as they dust around the priceless ornaments around the chamber, amiably warning them to be careful.

When they’re done, you move onwards to the kitchen.

There are people watching you as you march through the hallways. Spying little peepers full of envy or admiration, or both, and you know what they’re looking at – the telltale blue fabric of your dress, a color so inaccessible to many, and the necklace you bear from years of service. Despite your own wishes, it makes you an intimidating figure, as if you’re an extension of royalty. Being a personal attendant to the prince meant upholding that image, keeping yourself unapproachable, discouraged from socializing and making merry with anyone but servants considered to be on your level.

Still, you greet the kitchen staff with a smile, trying to be as cordial as you possibly can. You know all of them by name, from the head cook to the scullery maid, all exceptionally busy for tonight’s private feast. It’s not your job to review the selection of dishes to be served, but you do so anyway, even if superficially, reminding them to provide a non-alcoholic beverage for the prince. Attentively, you listen to the head cook as he showcases the ingredients for the pastries you requested, assuring of their quality.

It's a bit of a hollow feeling when you leave the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, knowing the rest of your day will be spent alone. Without Gojo, there’s nothing much to do. Without William and Kai, your social circle has been just about reduced to zero.

But you do know where you’ll be spending all of those long, unending hours.

Being a personal servant to Prince Satoru gave you advantages. Privileges, if you will.

When he asked you what you would like for your latest birthday, you made quite a bold request. It’s the newest addition to the key bunch hanging from your waist – full, unbridled access to the royal library. The thought of having an entire day to search through never-ending shelves, making notes and finding books that could possibly lead to finding a way home cheers you up a bit.

“Are you fornicating with the prince?”

You nearly choke on your drink when the question abruptly comes out of Kai’s mouth, unable to speak from the utter shock. William is at his side, chewing on a chicken leg, and can only stare wide-eyed at his colleague’s bluntness. It’s been a while since the hunting party returned, clear blue skies fading into shades of orange adorned by heavy, rumbling clouds. Outside, tree branches sway to the force of the wind, preparing to welcome a starless night of rain and cold. Gathered at the table on Prince Satoru’s solar room, the three of you were having dinner to replenish your energy before the feast while Gojo entertained his guests.

It was usually a casual moment to decompress. Not tonight, Kai had decided.

“What– No!” You retort, scandalized, “What could have given you that impression?!”

“What hasn’t given me that impression, you mean.”

“Kai–” William tries to interject, but you’re quicker to rejoinder.

“I am not… fornicating with anyone, especially not prince Satoru. There’s nothing like that between us. That’s… How he is. You’re just not used to him yet.”

“But–”

“I think we’re better off cutting this topic of conversation here.” William interrupts, slightest bit of panic in his voice, eager to deflect conflict, “I know you’re still adapting to your new position, Kai, and that’s why I’m sure (Y/N) will be kind enough to let this slide.”

William looks at you expectantly, almost pleading, and you scoff before crossing your arms over your chest. The mere notion seems ridiculous – you, doing the deed of darkness with one of the game’s capture targets, destined to fall in love with the heroine regardless of whether she decided to pursue him or not? It would be a disaster waiting to happen. You were nothing if not a professional, serving your boss to the best of your power, and all of Satoru’s affections stemmed from his own outlandish personality. That was all. Your dynamic could be less than orthodox, but it was platonic in its nature.

“Come now, we can’t afford not to get along. Kai, apologize to (Y/N). I have worked alongside her for ten long years, and if she says she’s not engaging in improper acts with the prince, then she’s not.”

Kai silently looks between the both of you, finally letting out a defeated sigh.

“It’s a reasonable question, seeing you two…” He insists, shifting uncomfortably on his seat, “But I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“It’s fine, I guess. No one has ever insinuated that before.”

“Not to your face, doll.” Kai shrugs, nonchalant.

You want to snap back at him, but in comes the realization that he’s not wrong. Perhaps it was living within your bubble, mostly limited to your coworkers and your boss, had made you clueless to people outside and what gossip ran about you. William and Benji, Kai’s predecessor, had accompanied you in serving Gojo for a decade; neither of them would ever dare question your relationship with the prince or the harmless liberties involved; they were accustomed to it. And, well, you were accustomed to the point you thought everyone else saw it as you did: normal. The sudden realization that not all would find Prince Satoru’s affections towards you something ordinary was a staggering concept in your mind – but it was so simple. So obvious.

Then again, it never occurred you to ask…

“Do you think it’s weird, William? Be honest.”

“I have no opinion of anything, ever.” William stated, crossing over his heart with his right hand, “But now that you mention it, Benji did confide in me, shortly before he was relieved from service. Said something about ‘inappropriate displays of affection towards a heedless maiden’, I believe?”

“Oh. Benji never said anything like that to me.”

“He wouldn’t. Between you and me, he had a soft spot for you, so I do believe that statement was a little biased.”

On your face, an expression of utter confusion. You never noticed any signs of Benji liking you romantically, but then again, you apparently don’t notice much around you. The chicken seems to have lost its taste when you bite into it, mind too preoccupied with the conversation you just had. Not that there’s any use reminiscing about Benji – the man having been released from service only a month prior, after prince Satoru arranged him a marriage to a marquis’ daughter.

Now that you think of it, he didn’t seem too pleased about the match. Or about leaving.

The stone-walled bathroom smelled of fresh flowers and citrus. Sliced oranges and grapefruits, calendulas, sunflowers, rose petals, mint leaves, forget-me-nots, floating in the steaming hot water that filled the circular, wooden bathtub. Night has long since arrived, and even with the shutters of the only window in the room closed you can still hear the heavy rain pouring against glass and the rattling of wood caused by unrelenting wind.

Despite that, the candles illuminating the room, as well as the small fire burning underneath a boiling pot of water, kept the room pleasantly warm.

On the other side of the door, William and Kai undress the prince. All had retired to their respective bedchambers by now, and it’s not long before the pair of attendants are dismissed for the night. Gojo is already disrobing by the time he enters the bathroom, excitedly blabbering about the hunting trip as he plops the velvet garment onto your waiting hands, stepping into the warm embrace of the thoughtfully drawn bath. Suddenly, the ceiling becomes particularly interesting.

He lets out a long, satisfied sigh.

“… Not that I’m complaining about tonight’s banquet, though. I’m just a bit disappointed, you know? All the fuss people were making over a silly boar, and it made a passable meal at best…”

You hang the robe. From a tray placed beside the fireplace you select a pink macaron, feeding it to him before you start to work a soapy sponge along his skin. It had been a deeply embarrassing experience at first, aiding him in his baths; with time, however, like many other things, it had faded into normalcy. Nothing but work, is what you tell yourself when you elevate one of his sinewy legs with your hand, sponge inching closer and closer to his groin. You steal a quick glance at him, half-listening to his words, seeing Gojo laid back, unashamed by your ministrations, playing with the petals of a soggy sunflower.

“Ah– Megumi! His aim is getting better. He’s gotten really good at shooting with a bow and arrow…”

You wash the soap off your hands when you’re finished with his body. You feed him a small tart, topped with vanilla cream, strawberries, and blueberries. Still, he prattles on, words muffled by his munching,

“… mmph… And Suguru is still being weird about that wife of his… Something-something ‘she’s different from before’ and refused to elaborate…”

He quiets down a bit once you retrieve a warm compress, placing it over his eyes, fingers moving to either side of his temples to massage them with gentle circular motions. He relishes a bit on the relief it brings after a day straining his eyes. As he relaxes further under your touch, you let your mind wander, recounting the frustratingly slow progress with your research.

Even with access to the great royal library, the sheer number of books on varying topics was discouraging enough to tempt an emotional breakdown. You scoured through shelves, gathering a collection of sorcerer biographies, spell books, history books, encyclopedias – anything that could hold the subtlest bit of information regarding transmigration. And still… Nothing. Your eyes still felt a bit dry, a lingering headache from reading within the ill-illuminated library. All you had at this point were your own theories – and that wasn’t saying much.

If only you could leave the castle for a bit. A frightening thought, of course, as you could count on a single hand the number of times you had seen the world beyond the castle walls, never straying too far from the place you now called home. All of those occasions you had been following Prince Satoru on some of his trips, mostly diplomatic, with no freedom to walk around and talk to people as you pleased.

Perhaps a vacation was all you needed. Your “parents” lived not too far, if you remembered correctly, on one of the neighboring villages subservient to the Gojo crown. A favored place for merchants to gather, fairly populated, maybe if you tried investigating–

“(Y/N)?? (Y/N)??” Gojo’s fingers are snapping in front of your face, his eyes still covered by the compress, “Are you listening to me?”

“Oh! I’m sorry, Your Highness. I think my mind just wandered for a bit…” You apologize, hurriedly forgoing his temples in favor of washing his hair, “What was it?”

He remains oddly silent as you pick up a smaller bucket of ambient-temperature water, delicately wetting his hair. You weren’t giving mere empty flattery earlier in the day; running your hands through his hair truly felt like touching the finest of silk.

“You know…” He starts, “I notice your mind tends to wander a lot, especially these days...”

There’s an edge to his tone, one you rarely hear him use.

“Your eyes seem to wander an awful lot, too, lately.”

Another pause. There's no silence in the room, just an uncomfortable absence of words; You hear the fire crackling. You hear the water boiling and bubbling, thinking for a moment you should check the temperature of his bath to see if it needs to be warmed. You hear the muffled sound of rain against glass. You hear wooden shutters rattling. There's a strange shift about the air, and you're confused, unsure of what he could mean.

He answers your unspoken question before the words have a chance to leave your mouth.

“I saw you stealing those little glances at Nanami.”

You stand, bucket in hands, mouth agape – embarrassment. The heat of complete embarrassment that overtakes you feels like cold water poured down on your body. Your hands feel a little weak as you quickly try to regain your composure, looking away from Gojo despite knowing his eyes aren’t on you.

Fiddling with the hem of your apron, you try to find your words.

“When… When did you–” You stammer, “How…”

“Ah-ha! So, you plead guilty. That’s soooo shameless, flower.”

The familiar playfulness in his tone brings back a bit of confidence. Still, there’s something about it you can’t quite place; for a moment, you think there’s a bark to it, bitterness. Perhaps it’s something unpleasant about his day that he’s hung up about, increased by you not listening to him. He’s just teasing, you conclude, trying to vent whatever annoyance peeved him by picking on you.

You massage Prince Satoru’s scalp with shampoo – or the closest thing they had to it, in this world – hoping to placate his abrupt change in mood. Maybe you’ll hand-feed him another macaron.

“I was just… Looking.” You offer, cautiously, unsure if any explanation would make it better or worse for yourself, “There’s no harm in looking. Lord Nanami was admirable as a knight, and he’s handsome…”

Worse, if the crease between his eyebrows is anything to go by.

“… But not nearly as handsome as you, my prince.”

That seems to appease Gojo who, with a petty harrumph, relaxed into your touch again. Appealing to his ego always seemed to get you out of trouble. You’d never thought to be grateful for his petulant grouching, but it's music to your ears compared to the spitefulness from a few moments ago.

“I just find it vexing. Why would you ever bat those little eyelashes at Nanamin when you have the Morgan le Fay of men right in front of you to admire?”

“There’s no need for jealousy, Your Highness.”

You were just a humble fangirl admiring your bias, after all. You weren’t made of stone.

“At the stables. During the banquet. Would you like to have a portrait of Nanamin, so you can gawk at him when he’s not here, too?”

You rinse his scalp, running your hands through locks of his hair.

“I am so very sorry, my prince. Speaking of... Uh... Speaking of banquets! I hear there will be a ball."

It's a poor attempt to change the subject, and you can only give Satoru a sheepish, almost apologetic smile when he raises one side of the compress to acknowledge it as such, quirking an inquisitive eyebrow at you.

There will be a ball. In a month, to be exact. You know that not just from the growing agitation within the castle, or the coming and going of unfamiliar faces hired for temporary work, but because you had been counting the days for this very event ever since you realized this was the ball that kickstarts the main story, taking place towards the end of the prologue. It meant the heroine would finally show up.

You're not sure what it will mean for you.

“Sure, a ball...” He says, “My old folks said they would invite all the eligible maidens across the land because they want me to find a wife.”

“I'm sure you’re not too psyched about this...”

Prince Satoru vehemently nods in agreement.

“... But who knows? Give it a chance, you might just meet the love of your life there.”

“Pfft– Right, I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“And why not?  

“Well, what if I already met the love of my life?”

Then that would be some pretty weird timing, Your Highness. Prince Satoru wasn’t supposed to meet the heroine until a few days before the ball takes place, in a beautiful clearing out in the countryside, where they’ll share a lovely meet-cute after he nearly tramples her with his horse.

“Alright…” You spouted, unsure, “Why not bring her to the ball, Your Highness?”

“She’ll be there.”

His rosy lips curve into a conspiratory smirk, mostly to himself, blissfully unaware of the can of worms he just opened inside your mind. Had he already met the heroine? But it was way too early! It couldn’t be– or could it? You’ll have to check the makeshift calendar on your notebook. The timeline you wrote down, as well. There has to be some sort of plot hole you’re missing, or maybe the events have been thrown out of place for some reason.

“But you’re right, maybe a ball won’t be so bad. They said any eligible maiden across the land, rich or poor, of high or low birth. It’s an opportunity!” He announced, the last word said with enough enthusiasm to make you jump.  

Once again, you don’t have the time to ask what he means– or to avert your gaze as he abruptly steps out of the bath, getting an eyeful of his bare ass against your will. You pat him dry with a towel as he helps himself to the tray of tarts and macarons. He extends both arms when he’s done so you can slip on the velvet, deep blue robe back on his body. Another towel is wrapped around his head.

The robe keeps him warm as he sits on a chair, waiting for you to come and finalize his night routine. You stay behind in the bathroom, emptying the bathtub, turning out the fire, disposing of the unused boiling water since Prince Satoru had decided to cut his bath short tonight.

When you close the door behind you, the smell of flowers and citrus is still in the air, stuck to his skin. You hum a tune as you brush his hair, its strands like gossamer, offering no resistance to the bristles.

“(Y/N).”

Gojo lifts up his head, not a hint of playfulness in his face or his tone.

“Yes, Your Highness?”

And yet his eyes are soft as they burn into yours, as if thinking, evaluating.

“Who, in this land, is the fairest of all?”

Every time he asks you this, you wonder if there was some dialogue you missed in the game. Nevertheless, the blatant reference makes you want to laugh; with him, though, the answer is always the same. There is no one to overshadow his beauty, objective, obfuscating, infuriatingly incontestable, and he knows that– you know that.

“You alone, my prince, are the fairest of all.”

If you were anyone else, you’d swoon at the smile he graces you with.

“By the way, I have something for you.”

There is a small box on the table he’s seated by, simple, with a golden latch, inconspicuous enough to only catch your attention when Gojo slides it closer, opening it to reveal an assortment of herbs tied together with a string.

“Since you ran out of valerian root…”

There wasn’t a single herb you could recognize, at least not with the dim candlelight. Despite this, you were pretty certain there was no valerian in that box.

“How did you know, Your Highness?”

“Those eyebags under your eyes, I know you haven’t been sleeping well.” He says, matter-of-factly, “Some old hag passed by the hunting lodge today, selling all sorts of things. Said this was a potent mixture of herbs for those with sleeping problems. It’s all safe, I’ve had the royal apothecary check it.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, retrieving the box and holding against your chest. You hope it knocks you right out. Heavens know you need it, after today.

“This is so generous, Your Highness… I don’t know how to thank you.”

“No need.”

He latches the box closed.

“Just have a deep, dreamless sleep for me.”

It was the very witching time of night, and the castle lay silent. Darkness reigned in its corridors, desolate and cold, broken only by flashes of lighting tearing through stygian skies.

Take pity, take pity on one who is sick of love.

Fire dances at the top of a candle, threatening to vanish at any moment, as one living soul treads through slate flooring, airy footsteps growing closer to your chamber door.

Satoru feels guilt twisting inside his stomach, that nauseating feeling of contrition before consummation. It doesn’t stop him, it never did – he isn’t delusional as to think his actions are without sin, but at least he knows he isn’t fully without a conscience. And yet, what is the point of guilt, overridden by excitement, conquered by overwhelming love, as he turns the key to your bedchamber, to defile you once again?

Defile, Satoru thinks to himself, is such an ugly word.

Your door doesn’t creak when opened. A simple spell to ward off prying ears, lest he has to replace another servant; Satoru had come to learn how thin those walls could be, sensitized to the littlest of noises in the dead of night.

He locks the door behind him, placing the candlestick holder on your bedside table.

There’s not much to see in the darkness, except for your pliable, sleeping form. You don’t feel the weight of your mattress shifting, so deep in slumber, as Satoru sits by the edge of your bed with the familiarity of a husband; and he likes to pretend, too, that these late-night rendezvous have an amorous twist to them. Isn’t it romantic, to be visited by a paramour so secretive you’re neither awake nor aware to receive?

What is he, if not a dedicated, twitterpated, infatuated princely lover sneaking through the hallways of his own castle to meet his beautiful dove, his golden trinket, his falcon’s eye–

But he isn’t delusional as to think his actions are without sin.

Satoru knows there’s nothing appealing about exploiting your vulnerabilities. If you were to ever find out, if you were to open your little eyes at this very second to see him stripping of his undertunic, the lovely relationship you’d built would crumble in a matter of seconds. It would break his heart into a million pieces, to see the horrified look of realization upon your face. And he feels the burning of guilt at the back of his mind, easy to dismiss, as his hands roam your body, past your clocked stockings of cotton and up your white shift.

He would hate to hurt you.

Which is why you’ll never find out. Your relationship can bloom into something far more precious that way, and soon he won’t need these nightly visits to fulfill the base needs you ignite in him. He often dreams of your wedding night, with you awake, receptive to his embrace, and then he’ll finally cross the one line he hasn’t dared to trespass all these years.  

The shift is carefully slipped off your body. His cock is dribbling with pre-cum, twitching at the sight of your hardening nipples. He bedews one digit with his saliva as he lays by your side, spreading your legs just enough to slip one hand between to stroke your clit, peppering your breast and neck with kisses, nibbles, and nips.

Your body is more than accustomed to his touch by now – and for a moment, he wonders if you’ll be confused on your wedding night when, just like now, your folds grow wet with so little stimulation. Soon he hears the change in your breathing as it becomes heavier, increasingly ragged, little whines starting to come out of your lips.

Still, you don’t wake. 

Not even as he slides a finger inside your soaked entrance.

It’s tight, temptingly tight, torturingly tight, but Satoru has enough self-control not to push himself through your folds. Not tonight. He can wait, he will wait until, eventually, you’ll be awake and willing to take his cock. He takes comfort knowing that day is not too far.

Satoru sits between your legs to rub his cock as he fingers you, biting his lip as not to let a wanton groan out.

"Fuck..."

It's not very regal to swear. He's never done so in front of you.

His voice is already strained, not above a whisper, when he sits up, settling between your legs to rub his cock with one of your limp hands. There are two fingers inside you now, Satoru biting his lip as to repress a moan stuck in his throat. He hates having to keep quiet, but the walls are thin, and it would be a lot more trouble than it's worth to deal with nosy neighbors.

Satoru isn't alarmed when you stir, eyebrows knitted slightly as he kneaded your clit with his thumb. It's not a sign you're waking up.

His fingers are coated in viscid, clear juices, thrusting in and out of your pussy with practiced ease. He can barely keep them inside when you tighten up, little tremors running through your body as you cum with a strangled whimper.

Satoru forgoes your hand in favor of positioning himself on between your folds, using your wetness to rub his length along your pussy, prodding at your clit with each upward motion. He’s lying atop you now, muscled chest glued to yours, gently suckling on your neck and muffling his low, guttural groans on your skin. His hips move at a controlled pace, refraining himself from how rough he wants to be with you – he’s still hung up about Nanami, after all –, feeling his own orgasm approach.

Your bed doesn’t creak, either.

He thinks of finally being enveloped by your insides, how your velvety walls would choke his cock when he made you cum. How your lips would touch his and you’d kiss, really kiss, how your body would respond to his touch when awake. What faces would you make for him? Would you look away, embarrassed, throw your arms around him and hold him tightly to you? He was dying to see you, to fill your womb as he looked deep into your open eyes.

Satoru Gojo isn’t delusional as to think his actions are without sin.

He’s delusional to a fault. And as much as he feels bad for you, for his horrible acts of debauchery against your unresponsive body – and all other perversions along the way – there’s hardly any guilt when he grips his cock with a tight fist, tugging at his length as spurts of pearly-white cum land on your bare stomach. His chest heaves, breath labored, half-lidded blue eyes staring at his handiwork with a dopey smile on his face.

Lightning illuminates the room, followed by thunder rumbling so deeply across the earth he swears he feels the walls shake. Candlelight flickers.

He cleans you up, not a trace of arousal to be found when he’s done, shift slipped back onto your body. For a moment, he sits at the edge of your bed again, leaning back on his arms. How he would love to wake up with you between his arms – but alas, you’d be much alarmed to see him by your side when morning comes.

He dresses himself, not before placing a chaste kiss goodnight on your forehead.

A ball, he ponders, that ought to be fun.

And as he leaves, candlestick holder in hand, locking the door behind him, there’s no guilt badgering his mind – only dresses. A selection of skirts and frills fluttering about, an appointment with the best seamstress in the kingdom; Satoru wonders which design he’ll choose for you to wear at the ball, smiling smugly to himself as he skips down the hallway, back to his chambers.

You wake with a startle, groggy, disoriented.

Resting in its usual spot at your bedside table, your trusty pocket watch indicates you’ve woken up a little over fifteen minutes later than you’re supposed to – Not too bad of a delay, which eases your initial panic. You’ll have to hurry up a bit when getting ready, but at least you won’t be late for work.

The herbs have worked a little too well, you conclude – gifted you dreamless sleep, devoid of interruptions, knocking you out barely an hour after drinking the tea you brewed. Although you had yet to fully wake up, there was newfound motivation to get on with your day after a much-needed good night’s sleep.

You make a mental note to properly thank Prince Satoru again. It was unexpectedly considerate of him to notice.

A shiver runs down your body as fresh air enters through your bedchamber window, caressing your face with its gelid touch. You see movement downstairs, servants and knights who have begun their day earlier than you. Beyond castle walls you saw the city, merchants coming and going through dirt roads among trees painted in breathtaking yellows, oranges and reds, its fallen leaves scattered over green grass. In the distance, you see neighboring villages and castles so far they nearly fade into the horizon. The sun is out again, blue skies adorned by white, fluffy clouds.

The faint, comforting smell of freshly baked bread hits your nostrils.

You should get ready– you don’t want to be late, of course. But there is time for a quick look in the mirror, to check if your exhaustion-induced eyebags have been minimized, even if ever-so-slightly. It’s only then that you notice, attention diverted from the area around your eyes, three small, faint red spots on your neck and collarbone.

You touch them, briefly wondering where they could possibly have come from; but you don’t have the time to dwell on it for more than a few seconds, your neck will be covered regardless. One last look at the mysterious marks and you shrug, brushing them off. It’s nothing to worry about, anyway.

Must have been a bedbug.

[bcyhoods]

WITH FIREWORKS! STEVE

synopsis : after a date at the carnival, steve gives you your first kiss! (prompt: “was that your first kiss?”)

word count : 1.6k

author’s note : repost from my old blog! i fixed her up a little bit, endured changing past to present tense just for you so….

“Those games were totally rigged,” Steve huffs as he prods at the small teddy bear clutched in his hands.

You’re situated on the hood of his car, smiley lips tinged blue thanks to the half-eaten cone of cotton candy in your hands. Steve stands in between your legs with a pout as his free hand rests beside your thigh, finger itching to graze your skin as it taps the metal of his car. The summer sun has just dipped below the horizon, but his face is illuminated by the multicolored lights of the fair behind you. Even with a sullen attitude, he just looks so pretty.

It was only your third official date — excluding the weekly, hour-long visits to Family Video, which Robin made sure to tease him for — and Steve figured it was time to rattle his feathers, so to speak. He wanted to impress you by showing off his athleticism, and carnival games provided an exemplary opportunity to do just that.

He envisioned your arms full and occupied by the array of giant prizes he won for you. You’d watch with an endearing grin on your face every time he beat a game. The night would end with your arms thrown around his shoulders and the perfect kiss that had you both swooning.

With fireworks in the background, obviously.

But luck had strayed far away from Steve Harrington’s side. Far, far away.

“Oh, they were, were they?”

“Definitely. ‘You can only throw it with an underhand,’” Steve mocks the game attendant with a husky voice — a terrible impression, really, but he knew it’d make you laugh. “That’s a made up rule. For sure. I’ve never heard that rule before. Ridiculous.”

The boy sighs defeatedly, letting you take the bear from his hand before running his fingers through his, now disheveled hair. The brown locks had endured the torment throughout the night as he increasingly became more and more stressed. And he didn’t want to admit he was embarrassed, it felt entirely dramatic and silly. But he was, and the way he avoided your gaze while his teeth worried his bottom lip was enough of a tell.

He laughs meekly at himself and squeezes the bridge of his nose. “Sorry, I was trying so hard to win one of those gigantic bears — too hard.”

You hum as your eyes scan over the stuffie. It was no bigger than the length of your hand. Its body was stiff and straight and a tuft of cotton spilled out from under its right arm due to a couple frayed stitches. The ribbon around its neck was barely being held together with a glob of hot glue.

“I like this one, it’s cute.” At his scoff, you double down, “I’m serious! It’s got a lot of charm to it. It’s perfect.”

You move your attention from the bear to Steve only to find that he’s already looking at you. His gaze is incredibly soft, smile lines decorating the corners of his lips as his tongue is coyly tucked into his cheek. His eyes are brimming with love, you think you might burst the longer they’re on you. He finally lets himself graze the skin of your thighs as a subtle thank you. The attention was all-consuming, it made it hard for you to focus. It was hard to do much of anything really, with him looking at you like that.

Quickly, you clear your throat and look up into the sky in abrupt thought. “I think I’m going to name him…Eve.”

“Eve? Eve the bear?”

“Mmhmm,” you affirm with the wave of the cotton candy, “Eve ‘The Bear’ Bearington.”

A huff resembling a short laugh leaves his mouth as he drops his chin down. Lowly, he mutters, “You’re unbelievable,” before looking up at you again with a doting grin. He moves to shake the bear’s hand gingerly, holding it between his thumb and his index, and bowing his head.

“Nice to meet you, Eve. You’re looking a little rough, bud. Bad hangover?”

You scoff and protectively pull Eve into your chest as if it were a child. The chuckle that reverberates through his chest encourages your heart to dither as heat rises to the tips of your ears. “That was very rude, Harrington,” you reply, feigning shock while trying to fight off the smile creeping onto your lips. It doesn’t work.

“What? No, Eve didn’t think it was rude. I’ve been there before, I’m sure he appreciates my empathy,” Steve argues, eyes momentarily flitting to the cotton candy that sat untouched in your hand for the past few minutes. As he nonchalantly stretches his hand out to pull a piece of the sweet, you move your arm out of his reach.

He glares at you with a tilt of his head. You raise your eyebrows to challenge him.

“Bullies don’t get sweets.”

A small gasp emanates from him before his lips are twisting into an impish lopsided smile. He tsk’s and takes a small step back. “Well, that’s too bad…because it just tastes so,” he looks away innocently, “…much,” he pauses.

”…Better!” He lunges forward earning a yelp from you as one arm wraps around your waist while the other moves to grab at the cotton candy. His fingers curl into your sides, eliciting a fit of laughs and giggles to fall clumsily from your sugar-coated tongue which makes it that much harder to fight against him.

Albeit, you don’t cease, pushing against his shoulder and still trying to stretch your arm as far away from him as possible. But it was no use as he slightly lifted you up off the car for just a moment to pull you flush against him. Your legs reflexively wrap around his hips and once you drop the bear, your unoccupied hand grips a handful of his polo for stability. The action had taken you by surprise, being too distracted to push him away when he ducks his head down to take a bite of the candy floss.

“Yup, just as I thought. Ten times better,” he preaches, letting it dissolve on his tongue to savor the flavor.

You’re sure you look a mess. Your eyes must be glazed over complimented by your lips still parted in shock. Your chest is rising and falling in a quick, inconsistent pattern as you try to collect yourself. Again, Steve has thrown your train of thought completely off course.

“You suck,” you manage to say. It was a lame attempt at an insult. But the words were practically dripping with adoration, all he could do was smile.

“Yeah?”

You nod meekly.

You’re certain he can feel your heart thumping wildly against your ribcage, certain that even through the background carnival noises and both your uneven breaths, he could hear it, as well.

And despite being so sure of your dumbfounded expression, Steve thought you looked so beautiful like this. In disarray, your sweater fell off your shoulders to hang loosely on your arms and your hand is holding his shirt so tightly like it was a lifeline. His eyes dart to your lips to trace over your cupid’s bow before glancing back up to find your eyes.

And you thought he looked just as pretty. His nearness was entirely disorienting. You could smell the saccharine hint of stolen cotton candy mingled with his ever-prized Calvin Klein cologne. His hair had fallen handsomely over his forehead. The moles and freckles scattered across his face are more fascinating than ever as you count them until you reach his lips. How soft and inviting they looked.

You’re so completely enamored, you don’t even register when he leans in, brushing his lips against your own in a feather-light kiss. Your breath hitches in your throat and before you can even bring yourself back down to earth, he begins to pull away.

“Sorry, I thought…”

He moves to step away from you, but your legs tighten around him to keep him in place as your fingers wrap around the wrist on your waist.

“No! I’m sorry, I…it was nice, it’s just I haven’t…I mean, I’ve never…” You swallow down a lump in your throat as you feel your eyes start to water.

The second you glance up to gauge his reaction, you regret it. You watch his eyes widen in realization and feel his grip on your waist go slack. Hiding your face behind clammy hands, you groan and drop your head to his shoulder. Your entire body felt like it was on fire and you wished the floor would open up and swallow you whole.

“Was that your first kiss?”

You nod timidly, dragging your hands down to your lap to wring out your fingers, your gaze immediately following. And Steve is not malicious, he’d never laugh at you, but you feel just a little mortified that you froze up.

“Hey,” he cooed, delicately cupping your cheek and lifting your head. “It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed.” The words are hushed and soft, a sweet reassurance that causes your insides to melt.

“Was it…was it good?” he asks.

The question makes you giggle, “I dunno, I didn’t really get a chance to return the favor.”

He nods, the beginnings of a wide smile slowly making its way onto his blushing face. “Right…do you maybe, wanna try again?”

You mirror his expression before you’re the one leaning in this time, a kiss that he reciprocates feverishly. His lips slot against your own as his arm tightens around your waist once more. Your fingers dip into hair and he hums against you at the feeling before pulling away.

You giggle at the dazed look on his face and his kiss-bitten lips.

“How was that one?” he asks, eyes shamelessly journeying over your face.

“It was perfect.”

[freakingholland]

freakingholland's batboys headcanons part 2

dates and love languages edition!

A/N: hi cuties, here's another portion of my headcanons, please let me know if you want more! And as always - please let me know what you think about those! Also a disclaimer - I think all languages of love would apply but I thought it would be more fun to focus on 2 per person. Additional info! I have a dc event going on so if you want to request something now is the perfect time - post here :) Stay whelmed xx

questions/ideas here! - rules here my wattpad archive is here my AO3 archive is here If you enjoyed my work: Ko-fi.com/freakinghollandmasterlist masterlist

Dick Grayson - quality time and acts of service

Loves going out on fancy dates, but his preferred dates are the stay-in ones. It’s more convenient and less energy-consuming but can be just as fun as being out and about.

He likes to order food, not because you both are too lazy to prepare it, but because it takes time. Sometimes it’s junk food, sometimes it’s proper meals from your favourite restaurant.

Most likely to bring home flowers just cause. Doesn’t matter if he’s running late from work, if he’s tired, absolute definition of if he wanted to he would!!!

Makes sure to buy plenty of snacks and drinks prior to the date night. Doesn’t spare money on food, dude’s got a proper appetite.

Usually wants to watch a movie, 90% of the time it just plays the role of a background noise (sometimes sleep just happens to take over entirely).

Loves catching up with you, likes to gossip as long as it’s not too derogatory.

Likes playing video games like it takes two, overcooked, stardew valley. Will watch youtube videos on games as well as streamers on twitch.

If the apartment is clean enough and you’re not expecting visitors he will propose doing a blanket tent. If your apartment could use cleaning then it’s a productive date aka cleaning night with music (beware he’ll deffo do a cartwheel in the living room).

Jason Todd - quality time and gifting

Jason loves going out on fancy dates. He likes the anticipation and more or less meticulous preparations for such dates. Genuinely enjoys watching you get ready and just chatting about everything and anything. Demands mirror pics before leaving.

It doesn’t matter what kind of entertainment you choose, he is willing to spend any money when it comes to having quality time together (not that other guys wouldn’t, it’s just Jason puts the most pressure on it). Cinema? Theatre? Going to a formal ball? Just tell him what you want to do (if you don’t he’ll make you talk).

If the date doesn’t extend to later-ish night time, he proposes the idea of making shopping stops along the way back home. His favorite stop Is definitely a book store (I know I know cliché but it’s fun to go to book stores isn’t it? Come on we’re all readers here! Doesn’t complain about going to drugstores or second-hands.

He has a favourite bakery with diabetic-friendly desserts (I hc Jay as a diabetic as I’ve mentioned here and here!). If you end up having a date at your own place he will bake something offbeat.

If you don’t feel like going out he will gladly snuggle with you and read a book. He just wants to be in the same room as you.

Have you seen that tiktok trend of eye-colored bracelets? Will buy materials for that and make them on a lazy night.

Tim Drake - quality time and physical touch

I feel like Tim is very much a fifty-fifty guy date types wise, totally depends on your energy levels. That aside he gives off major out-of-town weekend getaway type of vibes. 2 days off? Why not visit Paris?

He feels mentally supported by you and thus tends to plan little trips every couple of weeks to show his support. Sometimes it’s sightseeing in London for 3 days and sometimes it’s a trip to a hotel with a spa visit for an hour or two.

He realises how caught up and locked in with work he can be at times and feels guilty. When you go somewhere his devices are off (not entirely - for safety reasons).

Wants to hold hands every-freaking-where. If you’re not holding hands his palm is either on your thigh when sitting or draped over your shoulder. I don’t think you understand, he’s like a flypaper - I mean it!

If you end up having a date at home he would want to do some work here and there. Would need proper convincing to shove work aside – but it’s not impossible. It’s hard to resist snuggles with your partner when you’re hella tired.

Will whip out a board game for two. If it’s not strictly a date night will host a game night with the rest of the fam at your place.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i tell my thesis coordinator, about one of my groupmates lack of comitment?

I want to start saying english is not my first language, and give some over all info. I am writing this on the 28th of November, 2023, a Tuesday. I am a Game Design major.

Ok, so i am doing my thesis work, and for what we thought it was going super well!

We have 5 members in our group, me, the game designer, 2 artist (M and B) and 2 programers (A and P).

As I said I thought things were going fine, we had a dead line for monday, yesterday as I am writing this, and we planned to have everything done by Sunday, with monday being a playtest by 3 people or so.

Both artists had all tasks done by wednesday and friday, and both were helping me with formating the big game design document 194 pages long baby! Wich got done by saturday night. However, I got informed by P that there were some issues with the code for the game, and they were gonna try and fix it by monday afternoon. It comes monday and i try and talk to both programers to get info on the game, and A tells me he can't talk cuse he is to busy and that he needs me to write the conclusion of our thesis paper. I found it weird that he asked me that now, since he said the writing was done on June! I believed that we only had to add some in game screenshots, but I write it the conclusion without any arguments.

Anyway, me and the other 2 artists get in a call to check the prsentation slides, and M says she has something important to talk about. B joins and the truth comes out. M explains that A has been doing another persons thesis coding work, not helping, but doing it entirely! We were super surprised and she asks us to not tell anyone else, and says this has been going on for a while, and she did confront A about it a week back, and he promissed he wasn't gonna work on the other guys project. Turns out he did work on it mutiple times, and even filmed the walktrough of the game for the guy. As I am writing this, A has told her he was working on this today.

Before we continue with this mess, I want to explain how M has found this out. A few months back A did tell her he was helping this other guy out with the code, he is a good programer and this dude is doing the thesis by himself, so she didn't think much of it, but a few weeks back, when she was asking A to implement some assets she had finished, he said he was to busy with Guy's project to do it. At this point she realised how much he was involved, and let me tell you, M knows how to extract information, she now knows A is also being PAID for it, he guy owns 500 bucks to A from what I gathered, besides what has alredy been paid. ANYWAYS let's get back to this mess.

I was so tired I couldn't even really react, and just did what I had to do that day, by this point I gathered we wouldn't be able to do the playtest, and write the thesis conclusion acordingly. Around 10 PM the programers tell me the game still has a few glitches but they have uploaded it to the google drive, and i do a one over and send in the file for avaluation.

I spent today mostly relaxing, reading and watching some videos, but around 7pm i am consumed by the anger and betrayel i couldn't feel yesterday, and I talk to B about what happened

We agreed we had to confront M about the situation, and since me and B were not supposed to know about it, she had to talk to A. She said she alredy did, and told us that A was planing on talking to everyone on the next meeting (tomorrow), however, i argue that P needs to know beforehand, since this situation is horrible and he could lash out if A just dropped this on him, us 3 agree and invite P to the group.

Turns out A has told P about it today, but he was so tired from the past few days, he had no energy to react.

We talked a lot, and we agreed we need to talk to our coordinator about this hole mess, wich is probably gonna happen the following days.

So, WIBTA for airing this mess?

What are these acronyms?

[bittersweetresilience]

author's commentary part one

now that we've reached the end of the fic, i will finally explain the beginning.

i named this piece after 大鱼, a song whose title means big fish. in the fic, jing yuan references void songs twice, which i imagine are the sounds that void song whales make. if you remember, yukong talks about these whales in her visitor dialogue. they swim freely through the stellar seas while their sibling species on the luofu has disappeared into history.

whale songs. dream fish. the call of the void. the language of longing. to me, renjing.

author's imagery only the most important bits

the sky is freedom and departure, and it is jing yuan, eventually. the sea is the dissolution of the self and the thing that will swallow him, and it is yingxing. the lightning is the portent of death, but also the electricity of being in love. the wine is the representation of shared wishes and togetherness and history. the starskiffs are the memorials of the past and the vessels into the empyrean. the fire is desire and destruction. the ink is the color of blade's hair and the sincerity of the letters jing yuan writes. the bandages and the iron are blade and the violence of his existence. the paper birds are the fragility of jing yuan's memories, which cannot be buried. the nightclothes are the vulnerability he will shed in the morning. the string is the red string of fate between renjing, but also the strings that tether jing yuan to the luofu and to his ending. the womb and the egg are the places of rebirth and the representation of returning to the beginning. the sun is the stellaron, and it is jing yuan before the sky and the sea consume him, and it is the end of the dream.

author's commentary part two

below is my translation of the song.

大鱼 big fish

海浪无声将夜幕深深淹没 the waves soundlessly submerge the night 漫过天空尽头的角落 rising over the corners of the edge of the sky 大鱼在梦境的缝隙里游过 the big fish swims in the rifts between dreams 凝望你沉睡的轮廓 watching your sleeping visage

看海天一色 听风起雨落 seeing the sky and the sea in one color, hearing the winds stir and the rain fall 执��手 吹散苍茫茫烟波 holding my son's hand, i blow away the hazy ripples of smoke 大鱼的翅膀 已经太辽阔 the wings of the big fish are already too vast 我松开 时间的绳索 i let go of the thread of time

怕你飞远去 怕你离我而去 afraid you'll fly far away, afraid you'll leave me 更怕你 永远停留在这里 even more afraid you'll stop here forever 每一滴泪水 都向你流淌去 every tear flows toward you 倒流进 天空的海底 flowing backward into the ocean floor of the sky

(...)

看你飞远去 看你离我而去 seeing you fly far away, seeing you leave me 原来你生来就属于天际 so you were born to belong to the sky all along 每一滴泪水 都向你流淌去 every tear flows toward you 倒流回最初的相遇 flowing backward into our first meeting

without this song, this fic wouldn't exist. every part of the two was intimately interwoven. in particular, the line about the thread of time was what made me certain it would be a nonlinear narrative and the mixing of the sky and the sea was the image that created the entire story.

i further drew from the lyrics the most important imagery, the idea of ending on the beginning, and the son's hand as not only yanqing but everyone jing yuan leans on today in order to support himself against the weight of history. i drew the themes of dreams and reality, the dialogue on leaving, and the breathless, surreal atmosphere of melancholy and yearning. but in addition to all of that there is a double meaning in this song to me.

the first time you hear it, you think it's about jing yuan. and it is, of course. everything is about him. he is the holder, the sleeper, the one submerging. but by the last verse, you realize it is also blade, talking to him as he walks into scalegorge waterscape. trying and failing to call him back from within the endless dream.

both of them were born to belong to the sky. only one of them truly died in it.

author's dictionary

rèn, 刃, word for 'Blade' (lit. 'blade's edge') jiāngjūn, 将军, word for 'general' gānbēi, 干杯, word for 'cheers' (lit. 'dry cups') mèngdié, 梦蝶, word for the shortness of life (lit. 'butterfly dream') (this was not said explicitly but alluded to in the first dream) shīfù, 师父, word for 'martial master' bàitáng, 拜堂, word for the act of bowing to the heavens and the earth, the parents, and then each other in marriage (this is what the high-cloud quintet was joking about) yǐnyuè-jūn, 饮月君, word for 'Imbibitor Lunae' (lit. 'moon-drinker') nàihé qiáo, 奈何��, word for the Bridge of Oblivion where souls drink Meng Po soup to forget the memories of their past life in preparation for reincarnation húlu, 葫芦, word for 'gourd' (this is what bailu uses to dispense medicine) qīng, 卿, word for 'senior official' (this is the honorific jing yuan uses for fu xuan in light of her position as master diviner) xiàngqí, 象棋, word for 'Chinese chess' (this is what starchess is based on, where my vision designates aurumatons as cannons, starskiffs as elephants, and cloud knights as pawns) gē, 哥, word for 'older brother' (this is a casual term of address for older men) shíhuǒ mèngshēn, 石火梦身, word for 'Starfall Reverie' (lit. 'sparks in stone, body in dream')

author's references

all of the xianzhou trailblaze missions. all of the relevant characters' character stories and companion missions. character dialogues. visitor dialogues. battle dialogues. battle mechanics. lightcones. relics. readables. item descriptions. character designs. character messages. the new trailblaze continuance. area maps. chinese voiceovers and their english translations. character trailers. combat guides. animated shorts. possibly more things i'm forgetting to mention. my wealth of insanity.

author's appreciation

wiki editors who came before me. people who upload youtube videos of different dubs of each trailblaze mission. spouses and ssswips. my beloved commenters. the composer of 大鱼. renjing.

[theendless22]

Peeta Mellark Headcanons (Modern Day Technology!):

I got inspired by a titkok I saw this morning that said Peeta would be obsessed with Minecraft and TikTok, I couldn’t help myself. 🩵

My Masterlist

Minecraft

Peeta’s your biggest fangirl, watching you play video games in awe.

This inevitably leads to introducing minecraft to him… and it’s safe to say he’s addicted!

You both have matching skins.

It starts off with a multiplayer minecraft world, you teach him the basics, laughing when he dies from fall damage.

“It’s not funny!” He pouts.

The first night is actual torture.

You best believe he’ll be shrieking at the mobs.

“HELP ME!”

*breadboy12 was slain by zombie*

(Although he’s a fighter irl I’d imagine him to be a useless defender in minecraft, but at least he tries)

Would sacrifice himself for you if you were under attack.

After the first night he’d ensure to make a house for you both.

He’d cry when a creeper blows it up.

You thought he gave up building until you see a small cottage made of birch and cherry wood the next day.

It’s decorated with a wheat farm and animal pen at the side.

“Do you like our house?” He types in chat, crouching up and down at you.

Would giggle when he places his minecraft bed next to yours.

Has every cat and dog he can find.

He’d totally make an animal sanctuary for them, after you complain they take too much space in the cottage.

Definitely makes a bakery where the price for bread is a kiss (only if it’s from you)

Peeta is definitely the flower gatherer.

Don’t be surprised when Peeta whacks you, throwing your favourite flower onto the ground.

“For you :)” is all he’d say before running away into your shared cottage.

You think his antics are cheesy, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. :)

Tiktok

Reposts his entire fyp

Definitely the biggest contributor to his 20+ hour screen time a week.

He’d insist on having a matching pfp with you.

If you say no his pfp would just be his favourite picture of you. “You’re just so pretty baby!”

Apart from bakery accounts you’d be the only person he follows. He doesn’t understand why that makes you so happy.

I’m a firm believer that he wouldn’t indulge in the tiktok thirst traps.

He’d probably block the people making them because the only person he wants to see in that way is you. 🥲

If you posted dancing tiktoks of your own he’d watch it over and over again in awe.

“You look beautiful!” He’d comment. (alongside the other 25+ comments of him admiring you)

Would actually go feral if he saw you make a thirst trap of your own.

His response would totally be: “Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure”. It’s inevitable he becomes victim to the tiktok language at this point, especially when he hears it from you.

Results in Johanna commenting under his comments, telling him to go and touch grass.

He’d get pouty at this, it’s not his fault you’ve got him acting out. :(

A big fan of the ��things to do with your partner” videos.

“This reminded me of you”

Would tag you in videos along the lines of “which orange cat am I?”

Leads to a rabbit hole of watching funny cat videos.

His favourites are the cat pov videos, but he equally loves watching animal rescue videos.

He’d stumble across those baby sensory videos (the ones with the vegetables) and unironically be watching them for an hour.

Tiktok would also give him massive baby fever.

“Just the one baby, please!” “Peeta no.”

He’d send you many baby fever videos in hopes it changes your mind.

He’s a sucker for the couple TikTok trends.

“We need to do that together!”

Secretly wants to make a dancing tiktok with you.

Has a private folder full of your reposts, specifically the ones about your special interests so he can educate himself on what you care about.

“No way! I didn’t know you were a Taylor Swift fan!” (his private folder says otherwise) 👀

Results in him becoming obsessed with your special interests.

Peeta would obviously be consumed by breadtok, having thousands of saved videos in his favourites.

You’re no longer surprised when you visit and see his tiktok inspired creations.

“I saw it on tiktok!” He’d beam.

Would definitely start a colony of sourdough after seeing the “100 year old sourdough starter” trend.

Keeps up with the tiktok cake drama (if yk yk)

Scared of the yo ho sea videos (he’d never admit it)

Shits himself when you’re near bodies of water and you start singing it.

However he still watches them to tell you interesting sea facts.

Nobody can convince me that he doesn’t religiously watch the Reddit AITA videos with minecraft parkour or subway surfers in the background.

Gets heated when the person is actually the asshole.

“How could they do that?” “They suck!” “I’d never do that to you baby!”

You laugh, a small smile on your lips because it’s true, he’d never do that to you.

Additional headcanons

Peeta makes a world on the sims, spending hours ensuring you and him look like yourself in real life. In his world you and him are happily married, having multiple babies together and a few pets. He uses the sim world almost as a manifestation of the life he wants with you, as he genuinely sees you both spending the rest of your lives together.

Has a private tumblr account that acts as his diary, he often recalls his day with you, and if that day is particularly good he makes his entries in the same formation as a fan fic (He’s just that whipped) :)

(I’m open for suggestions to make more of these, feedback is appreciated!) This is the first post I’ve made in a few years so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did making it 💗

[stormflypirateskin]

Fun At The Arcade

Saeyoung tries to get Saeran to open up to stuff slowly.

(I'm back, kinda :) )

It wasn't unusual for the older redhead brother to try and get Saeran to slowly get used to more stuff.

A new arcade had opened up and Saeyoung was eager to try it out and he wanted Saeran to come along as well.

A problem was that Saeran didn't really wanted to be around many people which Saeyoung didn't mind. The older brother spend quite some time trying to figure out a time where they wouldn't be many people around.

He also wanted for Saeran to try the games there, they could be very fun! Not to mention, you also get prizes for playing them, he thought it would be a nice bonding experience between them.

Although he mentioned it to Saeran, the younger brother just shrugged about it, not really against it but not something he was really into.

Which lead to them never really planning it out.

That was until one of those nights where Saeyoung was sitting in the kitchen, only a small light shining it's way onto the whole place as he sat down on one of the chairs, munching on a clumsy sandwich he had made.

Sure, he was getting and eating healthier, but there would still be nights where he couldn't sleep.

Scrolling through countless pictures and videos of cute cats, he felt himself snickering to himself, sometimes trying to supress his loud laughter at the hilarious ones he finds.

He would usually tend to sleep during the mornings or a little later after calming down with adorable videos, even talking with the RFA helped, especially since he didn't have work now.

But tonight, it looked like Saeran didn't go to dream land as well.

Saeran gently groaned at the gentle light as he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand, making his way towards the source, where his brother was. He wished he could just walk back to his room but he just stayed there, staring groggily at him.

"O-Oh, Saeran.." Saeyoung immediately would always hear him. "I'm sorry, did I wake you..?" He asked softly with some shame on his voice, which only confused the younger brother.

"No." He simply answered as he slowly walked through the kitchen, reaching for anything sweet he could consume to forget his night thoughts, even if it's for a bit.

Saeran decided to go for the usual tasty ice cream as he placed a bit in a cup before sitting on the same table as Saeyoung, although he chose the farthest seat still.

Saeran's eyes adjusted to the gentle light more as he stared down at his ice cream, waiting for it to be a bit more warm before taking the smallest bite. He let out a small hum as he swallowed.

At this point, both brothers just looked like they were gonna stay up the entire night and Saeyoung seemed to be well aware of this.

"Hey uh.." Saeyoung softly spoke up kinda, to not startle Saeran. "It doesn't seem like we are gonna sleep soo.. wanna head out?" He asked. Even though a lot of times Saeran just shots his plans down, it seemed better than staying in awkward silence.

Saeran was quietly eating his ice cream as he looked over at Saeyoung. The older brother couldn't really figure out his expression, since the soft light was behind him. Saeyoung gulped a little as he continued.

"We can ride on my ba- ahem, my car." He shyly corrected himself and Saeran let out a small exhale as he thought about it.

He COULD spend the rest of the night on his room, but he felt like his thoughts are just gonna come back to bite at him. He felt his eyebrows furrow a bit as he took the last bite of his ice cream. Saeyoung nervously fidgeted with his phone as he waited for Saeran's answer, worrying if he made him mad or anything.

"Fine, but get me some ice cream later." He said lowly as he got up to put away the cup with the spoon before going to put on his shoes. Saeyoung went to grab money to buy things and put them in his wallet. It didn't take long to get ready as they went to the garage to get a car.

Getting in the car and taking off was pretty much done in silence. Saeran looked outside the window as he rested his chin on his hand while Saeyoung kept watch on the road in front of him. His eyes wandering to potential open places maybe he and his brother could go to and spend some time in.

Saeran just thought about how weird this situation was right now. In the first months, he would just not be near Saeyoung at all. Even finding small excuses to not stick around, spending most of his time in his room or his garden.

Even if he knew deep down his older brother didn't really seem to be dangerous, things just felt.. awkward. Although with his therapy and time, things did get better between them, somewhat.

"Oh..! Saeran..!" Saeyoung snapped his brother out of his thoughts as he slowed down, pointing towards what seemed to be an arcade. "Look, wanna check it out? It's really fun, I promise you!" He held somewhat hopeful eyes towards his brother who stared at the arcade, thinking about what he will do.

What was it even like? Don't you just play games there? He never really got the full picture. Should he go in?

"Uhm.." He stood up kinda straight as he played with his hands unconsciously. "Whatever, sure." He didn't wanted to think about anything more since the car ride was so quiet. Saeran guessed that anything that didn't make him think could be somewhat better, maybe.

Saeyoung's eyes widened but he just smiled like a little kid and nodded. He carefully parked and slowly got off the car as he took a deep breath. The night wind was cold but fresh which made him sigh softly. He wasn't really used to being this free. Saeyoung looked back at Saeran who got off the car and he locked it before looking at his brother for a split second.

Going towards the arcade, Saeyoung observed Saeran in the corner of his eyes. It still hurt to see him this timid and he couldn't help but remember how Saeran probably hasn't gotten outside much, if not at all just like him. Saeran was taking some distance away from him as he walked a little slower than him.

Going in, the quite warm air of the arcade welcomed them. Saeyoung didn't expect for a few people to still be here but he figured that it's enough for Saeran to not feel so overwhelmed.

Although he still kept an eye on the other redhead, Saeyoung only wanted to make sure he is okay.

Saeran slowly blinked to get a bit more used to the bright lights coming from the place and some games. Though, they were enough to catch his eyes. The prizes inside were bright and definitely eye catching. Saeran thought some looked ridiculous but some did look kinda.. cute.

Saeran fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt. Should he go towards them? Wouldn't he look weird?

"Saeran, here." Saeran quickly looked towards Saeyoung with wide eyes while the older brother handed him two full cups full of arcade coins. Saeran hesitantly took them as he stared at them, confused.

"These are arcade coins. You use them on any machine you want here!" Saeyoung's bright smile shined through as he gestured towards some of the arcade games. "Go on, try one."

Saeran looked towards them before exhaling as he made his way slowly towards a machine. It was a claw machine which had some small cute prizes inside. Some of them were plushies, some were simple objects.

Saeran decided to go for this small plushie. It had some fitting bright colors which captured his eyes, but he couldn't help but stare at the controls of the machine, trying to understand how this game works exactly.. even though there's two controls.

"Pssst, Saeran..!" Saeran sighed as he looked at his brother. "Here, you insert a coin over here and with this, you.. move this claw thingy right there." Saeyoung moved the claw around for Saeran to see. "And with this button, you press it when you want it to go down to try and grab the sweet prize~!" Saeyoung snickered as he moved away for Saeran to try.

The older brother eagerly watched as Saeran tried a lot of times to get it but failing. He only seemed to do small progress but he silently gave up as he stepped away from the machine.

"This is stupid." He huffed as he furrowed his eyebrows, getting a small headache from how annoying that arcade machine was. "How are you even supposed to win that dumb prize?"

"Ah.." Saeyoung sweated a bit as he looked back at machine. He felt bad that Saeran was feeling like that. "Hmm.. I'll get it for you, brother!" He chuckled as he stepped forward and inserted a coin inside. Saeran just sighed as he watched from the side. He saw how his older brother struggled a bit as well before trying some weird tricks to push the plushie even more towards the exit.

In the end, Saeyoung emerged victorious and held the plushie up as he laughed.

"Here, Saeran." He smiled as he handed him the plushie. Saeran took it and couldn't help but pause before gently squeezing it, the way it was made was very soft and it helped to slowly calm Saeran down.

"...Thanks, i guess." Saeran mumbled loud enough as Saeyoung tried his best to contain his happiness. Saeyoung looked around to see more great prizes and he felt himself getting excited.

"Say, Saeran? Want to check more things? Rely on me to get you everything you want!" He giggled cheerfully as he awaited Saeran's response. Saeyoung didn't mind ending it here, though. He only wanted what Saeran wanted.

And as he saw Saeran slowly nod, the two of them spend the rest of their time looking for and winning things they wanted.

And they won a lot, too.

Saeyoung was very glad they all could fit in the car as well. He felt giddy and happy as he put them inside, watching them staying on his back seats like they are new friends as well.

He also hunted for any shops that sold ice cream and got a little.. too much of it. With the excuse that their new friends wanted some as well.

Surprisingly, the ride back home didn't feel so awkward. Saeyoung just felt glad while Saeran felt calm, even though the world around them was so dark at this time.

Back home, Saeyoung casually gave all the prizes to his brother. It was early morning and Saeyoung decided to maybe try to sleep for once that day.

Saeran instead, spend time trying to decorate his room with the prizes. He couldn't help it but they felt nice, like something fresh in his dark room.

He felt a small smile making it's way to his face as he checked them all once more. They were really comfortable and soft to hold, Saeran just felt good holding them. His room had a lot of space for setting them all up, too.

And while putting them up nicely, the redhead couldn't help but feel nice and calm. He wasn't able to think about anything bad as he focused on the texture or softness of the prizes he was glad to have.

Even if he still took a while to sleep, Saeran was able to sleep more easier than usual.

Maybe he'll get more things for his room in the future..

[harboneger]

i just wanna say i really appreciate your marinersposting because every evening when most of my other mutuals are probably going to sleep you keep my dashboard active by posting baseball anguish. the mariners are my new favorite second-hand interest. i haven't watched a single baseball game since i was a child and ive never been to seattle but im obsessed with that fucking picture of the guy trying to slide to the base(?) and looking up at his teammate with crushing despair in his eyes. i understand why people like sports now. thank you beloved mutual

I am so inordinately pleased to fill your dash with this stuff, the mariners have managed to entirely consume my brain these last few months and I think bringing it to tumblr has been my best online choice in ages. I worry a little bit that my Hivemind mutuals will get annoyed at my baseball heel turn here, so this does make me feel a lot better. (I do still keep up with hivemind, I am just not as silly about it as I used to be) (And I still keep up w their videos, and watch most of your compliations, theyre so well done)

Despite being a born Washingtonian, I'm only a recent Mariners die-hard. I used to go to some Rainiers games growing up (the Mariners' AAA minor league affiliate) but I was too young and from too little of a sports-caring family for it to imprint on me. BUT NOW? fully into it. I went to some cheap college night games this last spring, then realized that I could listen to games on the radio and then it was over for me, every night they play I'm listening. Its been really wonderful, and insufferable to my current roommate, who hates baseball.

(And not to try and recruit, esp. now that our season is going to hell, but tonights game is free to watch on the MLB website, starts at 640 PST)

AND that lovely beautiful despairing fellow sliding into base is JOSH ROJAS, third baseman, incredible defensemen, and mariners average hitter (which is bad, but idc). His secret to beautiful luscious hair is water. Neither of the people he's looking up at are his teammates, the one in white and red is from the Anaheim Angels, and the one in grey is the ump, who is calling him out after a slide to base. I dont remember the exact context, but this is either a failed steal attempt, or a fielders choice that he got caught up in.

I post it every time we lose because I too feel betrayed by our manager for making the worst lineup/bullpen decisions imaginable. And because I love Josh Rojas, and he's hot enough to be on my blog 5 times a week

Thank YOU beloved mutual, happy to talk about baseball in the wee hours of any time of the day. You will see more of it lol

[gardenerian]

tag game! tag game! it's time for a tag game! ty @heymacy @energievie @deedala @mmmichyyy @sxltburn for the tags ❤️ i smooch you all!

name: mel

age: wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

your time zone: edt babey

what do you do for work? suffer academia

do you have any pets? sebastian, the dumbest of all dumb baby cats

what first drew you to this fandom? i watched the show off and on while it was airing, then gave up after a while. rewatched the entire thing juuuust before the pandemic after i saw a video clip here on the tumbles. i dipped my toe into the fandom then, but once quarantine really started my brain was all in! and i met the loves of my entire life - it's been the best thing!

are you a morning person or a night owl? hoot hoot

what are your hobbies? mmmm! niche history things, writing, readin books, Consuming Media aklsfh, walks and being outside, goofing around with my pals

how tall are you? 5'3 🤏🏻

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? west of ireland

favorite color? some days it's blue, some days it's green

favorite book? *knocks on your door* hello, do you have a moment to talk about how to build a boat by elaine feeney and how it was SNUBBED by the booker prize committee?

favorite movie? the royal tenenbaums orrr bright star ✨

favorite fic? restoration 🛠

favorite musical artist: petey, future islands, baby queen

what is your average screen time so far this week? i refuse to look at this lmao

what's the first app you open in the morning? depending on the day, it's email (everybody say booooo) or discord (everybody say yaaaaaaay)

how long have you been on tumblr? oh my god lol FOURTEEN YEARS i will die here 😇

finally (and i know this one is hard) tell me a fun fact about yourself: my due date was april 26 but i said fuck that and arrived in february and i remain convinced that this dictates my entire personality I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPRING BABY 😤

feelin tag shy but if you are reading this i am tagging you! if you want! i love you!

[kyliafanfiction]

I know this may seem rich coming from me, since at least 50% of this blog is complaints and bitching by volume, but enjoying something is a choice. You can choose to enjoy a thing, warts and all, or you can let the warts consume your enjoyment.

Nothing will be perfect. No perfect book, no perfect game, no perfect show. I'm not saying 'settle' or 'never criticize' - again, this blog is at least 50% complaints by volume - but ultimately, you have to decide:

Are you going to enjoy the thing, while also admitting flaws, or just let your hate for those flaws consume your entire perception of the thing.

Or of course, you can set it aside, but this is about the things we can't set aside. The books or shows or games or w/e that just won't leave our brains no matter what.

And if you can't just set it aside and move on, like a rational, sane person would (or so I hear, haven't meant many of those in my time here in fandom and on tumblr), or you can choose to... just hate. Just bitch. Just refuse to like it, and stew. Just... stew.

And the thing is, I don't actually do that. I don't stew. With the exception of my endless rage at Captain America, who continues to squat rent free in a corner of my brain, I actually don't spend much time in my real life focusing on what I don't like about the things I love, or enjoy, or otherwise consume my life and brain. I have things I don't like about my favorite book serieses (What is the plural of series?), or my favorite shows, or my favorite games. Things that bug me, things that annoy me, things that make me wanna pull my hair out.

And when I bitch about them here on tumblr, it's 'I had the thought, I bitch, I move on'. When I have a whole string of them, it's because I'm consuming the thing actively, and I'm venting about whatever annoys me. But if I genuinely hate or can't stand the thing... 99.99% of the time, I just stop. I stop reading, I stop watching, I stop playing. If there's nothing or not enough drawing me in... I quit. Boom. Done.

Because, at the end of the day, I choose to enjoy. That game that I love to pieces and that so many people make snarky videos about how much it sucks compared to the earlier 'good' part of the series? Or about how the game's developers suck because... other game developer did 'basically the same game' better? (When, 75% it's entirely different and not comparable, or actually didn't do the thing better, just different in a way that appealed to the other person's idiosyncratic tastes) Or that book that's trash that sooooo many people insist X or Y or Z did a better version of? That show that 'became garbage' because of a choice you're still butthurt over five seasons later?

I can give you chapter and verse about what's wrong with them. The little things, the big things, the minor annoyances, the quality of life changes, the big picture sweeping reworks I wish we'd had. The stuff that has left me up mad at night when I really can't control myself. The things that I understand why the creator(s) did the way they did, even if I don't agree, and the things that, to this day, I still don't grasp the motivation behind.

And yeah, sometimes those things bubble up to the front of my mind, and sit there for a while, despite my best efforts.

But frankly? I refuse to let that shit stick with me forever (again, Cappy-Fucker excepted, and for the record, I don't like that my hate for him is so deep-seated). I have shit to do. Books to read (again). Games to play (again). Shows to watch (again).

I'm not going to let my hate or annoyance run the show.

I'm going to choose to enjoy it, god fucking damnit.

[ohsayit]

Astarion had a quick chat with my Dark Urge

Hi, it's me again. [Anson approaches with her rambling gibberish again]

Here is the conversation initiated by Astarion (the ! abvoe his head screamed at me to go talk to him)

(Note: Possibly you can find a video of the same dialogue choices on youtube or something. The performance adds a lot to it.)

His reply to DU's first line was sort of playful snarky as per usual. Therefore one of the dialogue options for DU's second line was a pouty one. "if you are not taking this seriously I am not talking to you." of some sort. For role play reasons, my DU went with the "possessive urge deep inside me" option.

Then A's line slightly shifted from "Oh tell me about it. I guess I will sit through this conversation for my own safety" to "Aww you poor thing. Let's use it to the fullest."

At first I thought he resonated with the "possessive voice in the head" part. At this point, DU already murdered the bard at night right at the camp and she didn't know if she really did it (though all the evidence suggested she did). So very likely, she did it under the influence of the voice inside her. That is sort of similar to compulsion from his vampire lord. Could he be showing empathy for a valuable ally?

But the last line changed my mind. If he considered DU's murderous tendency was from the voice, then he wouldn't put it as DU's "nature".

My guess is, he thinks DU has some terribly strong instincts that are consuming.

Our man is impulsive. I can see him making decisions and doing things on a whim. However, if a certain urge gets consuming, then he wouldn't like it. I see a strong sense of self there. Although he basically put that on display everyday. lol It pops out to me in a surprising way.

The "advice" he gives is pretty much what he lives up to himself: play it for all it's worth.

Our boy has the strongest intention to survive out of the entire group I think lol. Whatever shit hand he is dealt, he tries to play it for all it's worth. ("I am not going to die. YOU are going to die instead, bitch!" energy lol) I don't think the whole mindflayer business would exist even in his wildest dreams, but he does use it to it's fullest. Secured himself some allies and get all the aid he could to finish off both Caz and then control from the Brain.

He is also very true to one's nature as well. He seems to have zero problem with someone being innately murderous. His problem is when it becomes overwhelming and consuming.

Now we are (finally) at the end bit of this gibberish of an observation for our babe:

Dude has a strong sense of self

Is less impulsive/emtional than he sometimes looks

He possibly has 10 times Gale's survival will (the version of Gale when we first met especially)

He may take pity on people, under specific circumstances

If Halsin embraces "nature's gifts", our dude embraces "nature in one's soul"

This conversation from the game and conversations I see on the internet, sometimes looks like a "nature vs nurture" thing to me. This is a hot topic for parenting; however, it also applies to adult-to-adult relationship (somehow?).

The one thing I constantly think about is that, what do we see in him? How is it so different for everyone? Do we see ourselves or him? What's the proportion? I am slowly figuring out what part of myself I see in him.

[narnianwizard]

Welcome! Here's some info about me!

Hello everyone! This blog will primarily be devoted to reblogging stuff I like, posting my random thoughts and shitposts, and occasionally actual content related to some of my interests. I moved over here from a different website that shut down its social functions, so I'll mostly use tumblr to fill the space I used to use that site for (screaming into the void). That being said, I know absolutely fuck all about the functionality of tumblr and so probably no one will see my posts but whatever.

You can call me dumbass, Simon, or Sam. I use he/they pronouns, masc/neu nouns and adjectives

I'm 24, transmasc, bisexual, grey ace, white, fat, and from the US

Virgo sun, Leo moon, Sagittarius rising (I don't put a ton of stock in astrology, but just in case you do)

I have a degree in something I don't even like that should be useful but isn't (neuroscience), with a minor in something I love that unfortunately isn't considered useful by wider society (lgbtq studies)

I live with chronic anxiety and depression. I also am possibly (probably) neurodivergent, but because I haven't been officially evaluated I choose not to claim any diagnoses

Some of my interests and likes include:

movies and tv shows, I love random horror movies (especially slashers, I LOVE the Child's Play series, and Teeth is underrated) and teen films (The Breakfast Club is my favorite movie of all time). my special interest shows that I watch over and over because they make me feel good are Bob's Burgers, Bones, King of the Hill, Friends, The Big Bang Theory

animals, especially ones that society deems unsavory like pigeons, rats, raccoons, opossums and crows as well as cute animals that I deem cuddly like dogs, cats, pigs, cows, and bears (I would totally cuddle a bear if it wouldn't eat me)

casual video games, I'm a semi-committed simmer (TS4). I would love to play more video games but unfortunately I get pretty bad screen sickness and have a laptop that runs like a potato so I stick to casual games

food, I am more of a slut for food than I am for people. I love homey foods like lasagna, mac and cheese, sweet red wines, cornbread, and chocolate. To paraphrase Gene Belcher "Lasagna is the reason I'm fat!"

watching youtube, I watch youtube videos pretty much every night before bed, here's a list of channels I watch somewhat regularly: jammidodger, onetopic, dan & phil, lilsimsie, laurenzside, watts the safeword, smosh, the kitchen & jorn show, celinaspookyboo, kallmekris, safiya nygaard, ty turner, shaaba, the try guys

theatre, shows I have seen live include: Beetlejuice, Come From Away, My Fair Lady, Jagged Little Pill, Wicked, Dear Evan Hansen. Shows I like even though I haven’t seen them live include: Chicago, Hamilton, Little Shop of Horrors, West Side Story, Sweeney Todd, Hairspray

body mods, I love piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, and other body mods. I appear pretty conventional to the outside world, but I hope to get more body mods someday (I currently only have stretched ear lobes)

Some of my previous interests that have been dulled by my depression and antidepressants but I would like to get back into include:

music, I'll listen to pretty much anything and like at least one song from pretty much every genre but my favorites include classic rock and alt rock

writing, I used to write religiously and my dream is to be a published novelist. I write a lot of different genres from poetry to fantasy, mystery to teen fiction, but I've never actually finished any of my writing over 10 pages. I was raised on Harry Potter (I do not stand with jkr, I actively stand against her) and still occasionally write queer HP fanfics (the Deamus and Wolfstar ships have my heart and soul, I have entire AUs dedicated to them in my head)

reading, until covid hit I would devour ebooks whenever I had a free moment but since then I've consumed less than 10 books total, most of which were audiobooks on long road trips

I will add more information as I think of it but for now you're welcome to ask me literally any questions you have.

Thanks for reading and welcome!

I don't anticipate this blog being super political outside of queer stuff and possibly ranting about the stupidities of the US government, but for the record I am very left leaning. I support reproductive rights (including abortion), environmental protection and stopping climate change, the BLM movement and racial justice, inclusive feminism, voter rights, universal healthcare for all, prison reform, drug decriminalization, religious freedom for all religions (with actual separation between church and state), obviously queer and trans rights, scientific fact over political bullshit (including mandatory vaccinations). I stand with Ukraine, Palestine, and all others who are trapped under an oppressive government or regime.

[literalite]

asks

these r all the asks i got last night about the whole aesthetic discussion i'll answer in order of when i got them :p

truth b told if i started simblr like. today and knew nothing about photoshop then i'd probably be pretty demoralised too but also thats exactly how it was starting simblr anyway i just worked on it until i was happy w my skills... no one gave me a cheat code i just put time and effort into it

i agree with u im ngl like i do sincerely wish everyone had the opportunity to put hours and hours of their lives into learning how everything about this works if thats what they truly wanted. also if anything doing it solely by urself will make the process all the more time consuming but if u ask around for help people (including me! im down to help fr) will usually give it to u and that'll speed up the process more. being mad at me for having that is pointless what am i gna do go back in time and unlearn it all and for what? dsfghjk

okay i did see this being said a lot and uhhhh i was trying to understand it but like. i also don't. like ok with cluttered aesthetic build shots or yknow the odd landscape with heavy bloom shader on it i guess if ur looking at it completely from that pov yeah i guess it looks like some posts that "blow up" r just sort of the same shit. but the fact remains that its also it's good shit like anyone can clutter a room and take a photo of it what really counts here in my opinion anyhow is shot composition. and there's literally preestablished rules for this sort of thing u can google cinematography basics and get it for free... there's a whole field of study looking into what draws the human eye. like maybe the core concepts behind what makes a popular post popular is the same but thats because it just works. if u wanna shy away from that entirely but then complain about ur posts not being as popular then that's very much a u problem it doesn't have anything to do with the rest of us

amen these are my ocs wdym these are "sims" LOLLL these are the real people living in my head if i bust my ass making them look good then thats a choice i made

u can call this an empathy problem and try explain it to me more but i dont see how other people feeling insecure about what their current ability scales up to is any fault of mine or my problem to bend backwards to try fix... or even how i could. like is the standard high now yeah honestly it is. the learning curve was steep as hell when i first started as well. no disagreements here. but what am i supposed to do about it LMAO like i didn't create the human proclivity to be drawn to beauty i just ride off of it.

idk why i'm the bad guy for being honest for my reasoning behind what i do and don't reblog? lots of other people have been saying they dont really care about aesthetics which is great but if i said that i'd literally just be lying to you. i'm not gonna apologise for not lying... i like being able to see the passion and energy poured into the same video game we're all playing it's only natural to appreciate that- if that reads as passive aggression and u don't understand my stance that's fine by me

i would say for me personally try watch visual media that u can recognise as "beautiful" and not to shit on like. cw shows but i mean stuff that is marked by its cinematography being truly excellent. and just really examine how those set and lighting designers use angles and lighting and how the people filming and editing choose to frame their shots to achieve what works. hell looking at art helps with this too. look at other people's stuff on simblr analytically try to seriously work out why it appeals to people the way it does. ik u asked for editing tips but i think it really starts ingame you can have the most incredible editing style but it doesn't work if ur shot comp doesn't work then it'll won't hit as hard

take time to learn what most of the adjustment layers do on photoshop, and what all the blending layers look like, download other people's psds and play with them on top of ur shots to see what works! what u personally think looks good will be different from what i personally think looks good, i like dramatic lighting and muted colours and mid level contrast so not too strong but i can't speak for whether you will too. ALSO im a religious user of @/simmerstesia's psd set here i think a well chosen shot can be really elevated by using something like this to really give it that final polish

additionally if u have any like really specific questions or need some advice u can ask me on discord my dms are open like i can talk u thru it. promise it's not as daunting as it can look

[mishafletcher]

hi, and welcome to the 'frequently asked questions about cooking is terrible' post! some of these are scattered in other places around my blog, but i figured i'd collect them for ease of reading. if you want to read the promo post about the book, you can go here.

as always, purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

is cooking actually terrible/how can you say you hate cooking/cooking is an art form and you're disrespecting it see, the thing here is that i'm actually a good cook! i've cooked for a living before, i'll happily pull together a meal for fifty with twenty-four hour notice, and i love a cooking project. i love cooking for community. what i fucking hate, though, is having to somehow produce food for myself, and then consume it, multiple times a day, every day, for apparently the entire rest of my life.

some people love cooking, and i genuinely admire you. sometimes i don't mind it or even enjoy it, and on those nights, i don't need this book. sometimes i'm too tired or in too much pain or too busy playing a video game or too depressed, though, and the idea of spending thirty minutes making food i don't care about makes me want to walk into the sea, and on those days, yeah, cooking is terrible.

is this book vegetarian friendly? yes! there are a handful of recipes where the point of it is meat, but probably 90% of the book is either vegetarian or has options to make it vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for about a decade, and still tend not to cook a ton of meat because the cost of messing it up is so high. there are a number of recipes that call for things like 'chunks of chicken or tofu', but tofu is cheap and delicious, so i'm just as likely to use that as i am chicken.

is this book vegan friendly? maybe. if you're comfortable with things like vegan cheese and plant-based yogurt, the answer is probably yes. the biggest issue for vegans will be dairy, but there are a lot of good vegan dairy replacements out there.

is this book friendly for [basically any other dietary restrictions]? yes again! everything is designed to be pretty flexible. if you're comfortable with the basics how to substitute things for your specific needs, you should be fine with this. (by 'basics of how to substitute', i mean 'tamari instead of soy sauce' or 'gluten-free noodles' or 'sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter' level of substitutions.) i have severe food allergies, so am very much on board the substitutions train.

is this book useful for people with chronic pain and/or mental health issues? you are very literally the target audience, because i, too, am a disabled person with chronic pain and adhd and other assorted mental health issues. when i started writing this book, it wasn't a book—it was a text file that i could read over when my brain wasn't working well enough to provide me with instructions for complex tasks such as 'make sandwich'.

is this useful for people living in [almost literally anywhere in the world]? unless you live in a place where you can't buy staple foods like rice, beans, and vegetables, it's probably useful. i've personally bought everything mentioned in the cookbook at stores in the us and australia, and have also checked availability at tesco and rewe. there are sometimes minor differences in what things are called, and occasionally one thing or the other is entirely unavailable, but probably 99% of ingredients can be easily purchased in most supermarkets.

do i need to have fancy appliances for this to be useful? hard no. there is zero slow cooker, instant pot, stand mixer, or even rice cooker content in this.

i assume that you have a knife, a bowl, and a source of heat. some things are easier (or nicer) if you also have a $20 immersion blender (mine's from kmart), but that's as fancy as we're getting. i wanted to keep the barrier to food as low as possible.

is it easy to modify recipes in this? yes, and a bunch of recipes are either lists of suggestions (sandwiches! rice toppings!) or have variations listed.

what kind of recipes are in this book? there's a range of them.

stuff that needs no cooking at all—sandwiches, dips, smoothies, salads, etc.

bowls of stuff: pasta, rice, soups you can make in ten to fifteen minutes, oats, etc. using ready-cooked rice or pasta is 100% fine by me, so this focuses pretty heavily on quick and easy toppings.

stuff you cook while you watch netflix, like 'throw this into the oven and then ignore it for an hour'. more importantly, lists of ideas for how to use the things you cooked.

baking and desserts, none of which require more than about five minutes of hands-on work.

if this list is insufficiently convincing, i've also put up a couple example recipes here.

which storefront/format is best? honestly and truly, on my end, it doesn't matter that much—after various fees and things come out, it's within about 50c of each other for ebooks, and maybe a dollar for physical books. amazon currently nets me slightly more than other retailers, but that's changed in the past and will likely change again.

on your end, amazon is probably the cheapest way to get a print copy (and—in the interest of full disclosure—is slightly more money for me, as well). amazon's printing costs are significantly less than anyone else's are, so the book is cheaper there.

why are there so many price points? this is partly because publishing at this point is several business models in a trenchcoat, and partly because retailers can set their own prices and discounts. if you see very low prices, especially at big vendors like amazon, they've decided it's worth it to sell the book at a loss. i have no idea why, but i get the same royalties from it.

if you see very high price points—like $40+ for the paperback version—it's because the vendor is using a traditional-publishing business model and pricing accordingly. please do not buy this book for forty dollars. anywhere in north america and europe, the paperback should be between 10 and 20 of the local currency (dollar, pound, or euro); australians might see it as high as $22 because it costs more to have things printed here.

i want to reiterate: please do not buy this book for many tens of dollars. one, maybe two tens, fine. but forty is as many as four tens, and that's terrible.

is there a print version of this book? i used to get this a lot, and then there was an amazon-only paperback version and i got it less, and now there's a paperback version that you should be able to buy anywhere you buy books.

worth noting is that the available print versions are not spiral bound. if you would like a spiral bound copy and you feel strongly enough about this that you'd like to have it printed and bound yourself, the digital versions (most usefully the pdf from gumroad) have an explicit 'please feel free to print or have this printed' release.

and again—because i get called out for this not infrequently—purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

[gyldowen-draws]

Time for Chapter Three!

Words: 4,955. Chapters: 3/?. Rating: Mature

Summary: After his delicious little moment with Gal, Astarion is plagued by a very important question.

Check out the first part under the cut!

Last night had been the best gods-damned night of Astarion’s entire undead life.

Blood – rich, thick, and slightly metallic – had flowed so sweetly into his mouth to chase away his hunger. For the first time since he’d been turned, the all-consuming gnawing in his stomach had faded into a gurgling grumble, pleasant by comparison. Better than even the finest wine, the blood had satisfied him and warmed him to his core, the taste of life quite splendid on his tongue.

And with the blood came the power. Oh, the power. Strength pumped through his limbs as if he still had a beating heart. In that moment, the world shifted into sharper focus. The texture of fine hairs at the other’s nape under his fingertips. The heady aroma of sweat, leather, and blood. The sound of hitched breathing caught at the back of a bobbing throat. It was quite nearly overwhelming.

But definitely worth it. 

Even now as he watched the sun paint its first brilliant rays across the sky and over the river, Astarion couldn’t help but smile. Yes, last night had been exhilarating.

Gal had given him quite the gift.

At the thought, the smile ran away from the vampire’s face, his chipper mood souring slightly. 

Astarion hated being in someone’s debt. Owing someone his life had led to over two centuries of torture and abuse. He had just gotten his first taste of freedom, and already he was indebted to the drow. Astarion was no fool, he knew how these things worked. Nothing was ever free. Especially not for a man like him, and not from a man like Gal.

For perhaps the millionth time since the moment his fangs sank into granite skin, Astarion wondered what in the Nine Hells had he been thinking?

[lichfucker]

OKAY I got tagged by @narastories and @hms-tardimpala and @ginnie-darling and @scififantasies so I'm finally doing the g-ddamn meme. thank u I love u all

3 ships:

ingot/z'ress. sorry but if you think the little guys from my own dnd game don't take up 85% of my available brain space at any given moment... I mean. have you MET me. I think abt z'ringot more than I think about my actual brother

silverflint. we are in the shit of it, lads

and I think if I didn't say trent/ted I'd be accused of perjury. sorry women 😔

First ever ship: I think the last time I did this I said it was artemis and holly from artemis fowl but actually I DIDN'T want them to get together I thought it was too obvious. so. g-d it was probably smth from hp. NO. WAIT. ohhh my g-d no I think my first real ship that I really cared about was a couple of my and ven's ocs when I was eleven. scream. I've always been Like This huh

Last song: eros and apollo by studio killers

Last movie: music and lyrics (2007) w the sunder server 🥰🥰 lowkey been listening to the soundtrack on repeat lmao

Currently reading: I just finished treasure island last night!!

Currently watching: great question. what AM I watching. dimension 20: neverafter and some "how to play pathfinder" videos

Currently consuming: raspberries, though I'm sure this question is intended to ask after media that doesn't fall under the categories of "reading" or "watching," which at the moment for me is nothing? I'm super behind on dndads and I've kind of fallen off naddpod entirely

Currently craving: anything that doesn't make me sick dear g-d please let me have something that doesn't make my body feel fucking atrocious. I'm craving my top surgery (less than two weeks!!). I'm craving a new tattoo. I'm craving the spoons to id all the posts in my drafts. I'm craving someone I can swallow whole and who will chew me up in kind.

uhhh people to tag. okay. how abt @gendercents @puckgoodfaggot @army-of-bee-assassins @paladinbaby and @grasslandgirl