#veth and beau are actually so fucking funny together

[piratespencil]

Ep 134 is a strong contender for funniest Aeor ep. We’ve got the polyamorous sex beasts (Aeor is for lovers!), we’ve got Veth and Beau coming back covered in blood and Beau saying “yeah I beat her up, I just couldn’t take it anymore” and Fjord asking “how did it feel?”, we’ve got smooth Fjord… quality stuff.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Echoes of the Solstice

You know it, you love it, it may return on an as-needed basis for Campaign 3 now that Allura has entered the narrative and we know the fate of Caleb, but no promises: it's the Wizard Breakdown Tracker! As a reminder, I now include PCs because I make the rules; wizard NPCs are included on the very scientific basis of "do I have something I think is kind of funny or meaningful to say" so as always, if I left someone off, it was on purpose specifically to annoy you.

Astrid Becke: well her boss is missing, Caleb has expressed concerns in private to Beau about all of the Assembly, apparently the king is bedridden and has been for some time, and I suspect news of unsealed things being unsealed gets to her quickly; even if she isn't aware of the events in Blumenthal yet, she's about to be. Also, it's the apogee solstice. 8/10; ever the opportunist, it is a good time for her to try to become head of the Assembly, but also shit's gone real sideways.

Eadwulf Grieve: lost his title of hottest mage (men's division) to one Fjord Stone during the last Nicodranas County Fair and has been sulking ever since but more importantly the temple of the Raven Queen is doing Not Great Bob as of like an hour ago so a rare Eadwulf stress moment. 7/10.

Planerider Ryn: just lost her arm...but is unaware of it, so that's probably helping. technically cannot be calculated because she is a rock but spiritually like an 8/10 and that's only because she is remarkably unflappable; she just witnessed the Malleus Key and that should drive anyone up to a 10.

Allura Vysoren: has absolutely sensed a disturbance in the force weave and I'm sure Kima's feeling some bad vibes from Bahamut right now, but rather like Ryn she actually has some degree of sangfroid, a concept unheard of in the entire continent of Wildemount. 6/10.

Yussa Errenis: have you ever dealt with like, an ER Nurse, and unless something is actually exploding or someone is actually bleeding out they're like "yeah it be like that sometimes"? After you've been sucked into the Cognouza Hivemind while trying to do your silly little arcane investigations nothing short of the Calamity will ruffle you. He's an elf; he knows this solstice is wonky but also he knows this is Someone Else's Problem. Also Jester's left him alone for a whole 24 hours? Incredible. 2/10 and that's really just because he's still a little cranky about the disappearance of his blast scepter. As always: never change, king.

Prism Grimpoppy: by my calculations she's discovering that she's actually fucking incredible in combat right now. 0/10, she's doing GREAT.

Pumat Sol and sure, fuck it, Oremid Hass: I suspect the Zadash Wizard Contingent is dealing with some wild unsealed shit from the time of the Julous Dominion and they can't get in touch with anyone in the capital, but it's probably manageable. 4/10. On edge but not too bad.

Ludinus Da'leth: oh did your little plan to unleash the god-eater go a touch sideways? were you unprepared for the possibility of fucking all of magic? did you think it was going to be easy? did level 9 "Fuck Up Airship" and level 8 "Shield Against Werewolf" fail to save your bitch ass? As we've seen, he'll scramble and recover, unfortunately, but it's a well-deserved 9/10 right now. I love to see a plan fall apart.

Trent Ikithon: OH this motherfucker has LOST IT in prison. Like...he was able to put together a pretty elaborate situation, to be clear, but also he's gone bugfuck nuts and does not really improve. I think he's already broken down from the start having clearly been planning this exact scenario from the moment of his imprisonment honestly given that he appears to be going off of the frissons he picked up from Caleb and Essek shortly before he was captured, but regardless: he definitely ends it at a 10/10. Stuck in an egg for eternity, if he's even still a separate entity from Omentis. A well-deserved fate if ever there was one. Get fucked lol.

Veth Brenatto: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 10/10 you know she watched Luc leap through the teleportation circle as it closed and has been shrieking loud enough to be heard at the Chateau.

Luc Brenatto: the arrogance and naivete of youth insulate him initially, but Aggy's demise probably spikes it to a solid 6 minimum and it's definitely 9 during the battle. It goes back down pretty quickly though; see Caleb's entry.

Caleb Widogast: he keeps it together pretty well, honestly! Still I have to imagine he's kind of at a 7 or so this entire time with occasional spikes to 9 (NEIN) throughout, and I wouldn't fault him for finishing up the Blumenthal Brunch and then quietly locking himself in a soundproof tower room to scream, cry, and throw up for a while. Indeed, I would encourage it; Caleb should go have a good cry and hug a magic cat for a couple hours until he feels better, and then come back down to find that everyone except the clerics but DEFINITELY including Luc has implemented Spontaneous Apogee Solstice Oktoberfest to celebrate the demise of Trent, the engagement of Fjord and Jester, and the general experience of being alive, and is varying degrees of extremely wasted. This will of course bring him back up to like 7 as he realizes he has to return a hungover teenager to Veth and then goes down to a 4 or so when he realizes the clerics can fix that and Veth will probably be so glad that Luc is alive she'll ignore the rest of it.

Essek Thelyss: Our international drow of mystery looms large in the narrative, but does not make an appearance, which makes this premise extremely funny. I assume he's feeling kind of rough given that the Dynasty wizards are well-attuned to leylines and I would imagine he picks up that Sending isn't working and was broadly aware Caleb was going into danger, so he's certainly stressed, but Trent doesn't actually seem to know Where in Exandria is Essek Thelyss and is merely threatening blackmail. Honestly while we're at it, we don't know where Essek is because I wouldn't put it past Mr. Geometer Owner to have been at a solstice nexus and to have possibly experienced his own Solstice Shunting. In fact I assume Essek is blissfully unaware of these specific goings on re: Trent and is just experiencing The Anxiety for all of the previous reasons. (1d6+3)/10.

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: Hmmm. Things becoming unsealed, you say? The uninvited guest list (The Real Gelidon, Isharnai) for The TusktoothStone-Lavorre wedding may have gained an extra entry.

[dumbstupidfandomblog]

Man. I just can't help but imagine Critical Role x Baldur's Gate 3 drabbles or a fic or something of that some sort. Idk, I just think it'd be really funny and also a chance for some really cute scenes. Especially with the Mighty Nein.

Now obviously there'd probably be SO much mistrust between the two groups, but just imagine if you will(possibly very minor spoilers under the cut):

Caleb and Gale(and maybe Essek) talking about wizard stuff and cats.

Jester introducing everyone to Artagan. I think Astarion would either like him or fucking hate him.

Karlach, Yasha, and Beau just working out together. Buff lesbians

Fjord and Wyll bonding over shitty patrons. If it's post Ukatoa then Fjord giving Wyll some hope about his situation. I just think it'd be sweet.

Caduceus and Halsin. That's it. I think they'd talk for literally HOURS, just drinking tea and talking about random shit and their respective circles 'n such. ALSO, I'm just imagining them sort of gossiping about and spilling their respective party's secrets to eachother. They'd be silly lol

Jester overhearing the whole convo with Astarion and Tav(if there's a tav in this??) about him not being able to see his reflection and immediately getting to work drawing a portrait of him. As soon as she shows and gives it to him, he's his usual sorta sassy self about it but he absolutely cherishes it.

Also I feel like Astarion would see different bits of his own past in some of the Mighty Nein, specifically Caleb and Yasha, and it'd piss him the FUCK off.

Jester and/or Molly reading the groups fortunes just for fun, the Oracle of the Moon Deck has some cards that would make the groups fortunes REALLY INTERESTING. Maybe Molly also pulls out some of the old circus tricks for fun.

On the topic of Molly, I think Lae'zel would have this very confusing respect for Molly? She'd find them really foolish at first and not think much of them, but I think she'd then see them actually in combat and be impressed with their skills.

I feel like Nott/Veth would just start mothering some of the bg3 party. Like not heavily, but a bit similar to how she does with Caleb. I could def see her pairing up with Astarion to steal some shit. Maybe King joins in if he's there.

Jester giving some of the group tattoos. Not everyone would get them obviously but I could definitely see Karlach and I suppose Tav going for it.

Nein Sided Tower shenanigans. That's all.

[thatshadowgastwhore]

the mighty nein as college majors

i’m back on my bullshit. :)

Fjord My man went in undecided, and stayed that way as long as possible. He just gives me that vibe. He originally thought that he’d go through with marine biology, and i think he actually got a fair way into that major before finding a better fit as a conservation biology major

Beau Imo, beauregard is doing the most over here. she’s a double major in law and library and archives with a minor in gender and women’s studies. like, she really said, of course i’m going to be a high powered, shoulder pad wearing lawyer, who specializes in representing women and queer people, but i also fucking love libraries, and you can pry them out of my cold, dead hands. i know that’s kinda a weird take, but i feel like a college au where beau is actually super into school as a way of fucking with her dad could be a cool take

Caleb If wizard is what happens when you make stem kids magic, then transmutation is definitely the chemistry of this AU. as such, my darling blorbo Caleb is biochemistry major. chemistry also has fire, ta-da!

Veth She’s definitely giving me chemistry vibes, and i finally decide don specifically, inorganic chemistry. I feel like her, caleb, yeza, and essek are all chemistry nerds with slightly different focuses, so they all sort of understand each other when they’re talking about their shit, but they’re all slightly confused by wtf they mean specifically, and that could make for some very funny conversations. yeza, btw, i think is in organic chemistry

Jester She’s got art/art Studies with a focus in painting. she originally went into uni undecided and actually took a few theology classes before saying, screw it, and fully committing to the arts like she kinda knew she would in the beginning 

Molly Our other art kid! While he entered into uni as a Musical Theatre major, I think he actually changed majors pretty early on to focus specifically on Costume Design instead

Caduceus Okay, so he entered college as a mortuary sciences major, but added a double major in botany. he’s actually way more into the botany stuff, but his family owns a funeral home, and he doesn’t not enjoy the mortuary sciences, so he just added it instead of switching entirely Yasha She’s a botany major! Her family definitely pressured her to do literally anything else, and she reluctantly added a minor in ecology in general so that she’d have broader options just to appease them. But flowers are her favorite, and she and caduceus have some very long conversations about them together

Essek Our final chemist! Essek is actually a theoretical chemist and, because he can’t leave well enough alone, has a double major in theoretical physics, just because he’s to fucking smart for his own good. his friends often have to drag him away from his notes, lest he get carried away It’s really weird that i put most of these guys as science majors, because i’m notorious horrible as science, and even weirder that a solid third are chemistry, because chemistry makes no sense to me but eh. They’ve got jester and molly to balance them out when they’re too caught up in their own heads, i suppose. Yasha, Fjord, and Caduceus are over there like, nature! and beau alone is shouldering the responsibility of representing all of the liberal arts and sciences and she’s doing it like a boss 

[sockablock]

(TW for panic attacks and discussions about trauma)

— — —

The thing is, Beau's friends are shit fighters.

To be clear—she's not saying that they're bad at fighting, gods know Veth's a force of nature with her crossbow and all of the spell-slingers can kill with a word—it's just that when it comes to fighting, actual fighting, that down-and-dirty fist-on-flesh shit, her friends suck. Most of 'em just run, or they’d sweet-talk a surrender, or go back to slinging spells.

Beau would never admit she misses the Soul, but at least those people knew how to block. At least Dairon would make her work for it, wouldn't tell her to please, gods, Beau, stop punching me, I give!

Fjord's better these days, but not good enough.

Which is why, on their third morning back in Nicodranas, when Beau opens the door to see Yasha looking restless, she knows exactly what's up.

"Should I get my staff?"

Yasha shrugs. She usually does.

"I'll grab it. Down in five."

Beau considers grabbing some toast too, but she remembers how antsy Yasha seemed and figures she should try to avoid puking in Marion’s yard.

Yasha is stretching when she gets there. The gate swings behind her with a gentle clunk, and she kicks her shoes off, curls her toes in the grass. The sun is barely broken above rooftops and towers, and the first chime of church bells ring out overhead.

Beau yawns a little, but it’s just for flavor. Mind games. She’s not actually sleepy.

“We do not have to—” 

She quickly waves her hand. “It’ll wake me up. You know, get the blood pumping.”

Yasha smiles a little at that. It’s always such a small one, but it’s getting to be familiar.

“I got up early. I couldn’t sleep. Er...sorry.”

Beau doubles her effort to be dismissive. “Don’t apologize to me, Yasha. C’mon. You think I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to?”

This seems to be a winning argument. Yasha nods, like she can’t imagine Beau doing anything she doesn’t want.

Maybe it’s the crisp ocean breeze, maybe it’s the way they circle each other in the yard. Maybe it’s the fresh brush of gauze on her fists.

Beau wants to win.

She dives in, pulls low, uses her quick movement to catch Yasha off-guard and get in as closely as she can. Yasha’s tall, broad, strong as an ox, and even holding back, she could wind Beau with a punch. She presses even closer, limiting Yasha’s motions, sweeps out a leg and cuts up when Yasha moves. The two of them duck and weave and push, neither allowing the other an inch, fists flying, blows being blocked and sweat beginning to pour down their backs. Beau lands a hit that leaves Yasha grunting, then stumbles when a wild haymaker knocks her back. It’s clear that Yasha was never taught any form, just scraped it all together by surviving on the moors and her chaotic movement, high endurance, and reckless confidence just make her deadlier.

Beau tries to close in again, but a lucky kick forces her a pace too far. Her knuckles are bruising in that numb, seething way, and so she darts to the side, grabs her staff, vaults up and then arcs her foot to Yasha’s face—

The dance starts again, this time hardwood hitting forearms and on anyone else, Beau might even feel guilty about it. But Yasha barely seems to register the thwack, her teeth bared in a sideways grin, her eyes hard and excited and alive. Beau’s probably wearing the same expression. She hears herself laughing, and knows that she is. Up-swing, down-swing, slide left, throw a punch, block one, dart back, duck and then—

Yasha’s fist catches her right in the gut, sends Beau lurching flat into the dirt. She chokes her own breath, coughs up dust, barely gets an elbow up with Yasha leaning over her, blotting out the sun, raising Beau’s staff for a finishing strike—

Halts.

It’s like watching a tower fall. Yasha staggers back. She drops the staff. She lifts her hands and stares at her palms and Beau hears a mangled breath. Her knees give. She collapses on herself.

Beau scrambles up, aching limbs forgotten.

“Yasha?” she says. “Yasha? Are you—is—what’s wrong?”

Yasha sucks in more air, but that just seems to make things worse. Her shoulders tremble and her lungs sound ragged.

“Aw, shit,” says Beau, “I mean—fuck—uh—”

She half-runs, half-crawls, ‘til she’s at Yasha’s side. She wants to put her hand on Yasha’s arm, thinks better of it, panics a little more. She wishes she were Jester. She wishes she were Cad. They’d know what to do, they’d be better at this than her, anyone, hell, Marius would be better at this than her—

But it’s her, and everyone’s still in the house, so she shakes her head and stamps the fear down. 

“Yasha, I...aw, fuck, I’m—I’m here, it’s okay, nothing’s wrong—” clearly something is wrong, idiot, “—I mean, um, you’re safe here, okay? It’ll be alright. I’m here, and I’ll stay if that’s what you want, okay? I won’t go anywhere, if you don’t want. Uh...can you shake your head if you want me to go? Is that...possible, can you—”

A frantic shake.

“Oh good, okay, thank fuck, then I’m here. I’m right here, Yash. I’m not going anywhere.” She tries to pitch her voice calm, takes deep, long breaths, and continues to murmur as reassuringly as she can until after...seconds? Minutes? Yasha’s trembling slows. 

There’s a pause. Yasha inhales and lets it go. It’s shaky, but apparently good enough because finally, eventually, she turns and looks back at Beau.

“I’m...okay. I am okay.”

Beau sinks back into the grass. Then she lies down. “Oh, cool. I’m, uh, glad.”

“I’m so—”

She holds up a hand. “Nope. C’mon.” She pats the ground beside her.

“Er...what?”

She pats it again, emphatic. “Lie down. C’mon. I think we’ve earned a break.”

She stares up at the sky while Yasha shifts around, and eventually there’s a gentle thud as she lies down. Seagulls cry in the distance and clouds drift slowly past their heads.

Beau swears, but mentally. A private thing.

“So, uh...do we...want to talk about it, or...?”

Yasha is quiet for a moment. That’s not surprising. Then:

“It...reminded me of when I killed you.”

“What? Oh—” 

“Almost killed you,” Yasha amended. “Both times.”

“Right,” says Beau. “That’s...right.”

She thinks about saying—almost. You only almost killed me, so really it’s fine. There’s nothing to worry about. And you kill people all the time anyway, right?

She blinks. “Wait, you kill people all the time, Yasha. Is it always that bad? Shit, does it always...does it always make you feel like this? Only...I don’t think I’ve ever seen you...break like that...”

She regrets the words immediately. Stupid, Beau, that’s a stupid thing to say. 

But Yasha answers the question earnestly. “It’s usually different,” she says to the sky. “It usually...doesn’t matter. Er...no, not that it doesn’t matter, it just...”

“Doesn’t matter,” Beau sighs. “No, I...sort of get it. Man, that might be fucked up. Of us.”

Yasha shrugs, which rustles the grass. “It’s how it has always been for me. That is just what life is like.”

“I’m sure Jester would disagree.”

“Jester is...nice. I am not. I...have hurt a lot of people. And not just people who were fighting me, or trying to hurt me, but people who were innocent, who did not need not to be hurt, people who care about me, and, and people who I...”

She trails off. Beau can’t see her face, but right now, selfishly, she is glad for it. She feels anger bubbling up in her stomach.

“You were being controlled,” she says fiercely. “You didn’t do it. Someone made you do it.”

“But...part of that...part of it was still me. Since...since you all freed me, I...I remember parts of it. I remember doing it. Those were my hands.” 

Beau can practically hear Yasha’s fist tighten. She definitely feels it when Yasha hits the ground.

“If I was better, or if I was stronger, if I had broken free faster, none of that would have happened, I could have stopped him sooner—”

This time, Beau doesn’t hold back. They’re lying down, so it’s incredibly awkward, but the first thing she can think of is to grab Yasha’s hand.

She sits up, and waves it over Yasha’s face.

“But you didn’t,” she says, then falters, then wants to smack herself. “Fuck, no, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is...” Then she stops. “No, you know what? Fuck it. You didn’t break out faster. And that’s because it was a miracle you managed it in the first place. Yasha, you were being controlled by a devil. You were being controlled by the Chained Oblivion. The fact that you were even a person the first time we met—and you were a person, you were funny, you charged me money to, to, well, you charged me five gold, remember that?”

Yasha blinks. Her wrist is slack in Beau’s grip.

“I...do, yes, I remember that.”

“Right. The fact that you were a person then meant that they couldn’t keep their claws in you. Because you were strong. You were better. Better than everything they tried to make you. You kept breaking free.”

Yasha does not try to squirm away, only stays there.

“But...I needed help every time that I did escape. I never managed it on my own. First it was...it was Kord, and then you all—”

“Of course!” Beau throws her other arm into the air. “Who the fuck could do it on their own?! All that means is that when you had a chance, the second you had a chance, you were outta there. In your heart, you knew what was right. You knew it, and held onto it, even when I’m sure it would’ve been so easy to stay there, to stay in that hell and just go through the motions and lose yourself in...in grief, and loss and...and all that. But you didn’t. And now look at you.”

She cracks a goofy smile, all desperation to make what she’s trying to say heard.

“You’re an angel, Yasha. Remember?”

Yasha slowly sits up too. Her hair cascades down her shoulders, black turning white, with little blades of grass.

Beau is made painfully aware of the fact that she’s still holding Yasha’s hand. She lets go. Then she swears again, and hopes that Yasha doesn’t think it’s because of anything s—

“I am, aren’t I?”

Her gaze shoots up and Yasha's wearing a goofy smile too. Small, a bit nervous, but real and warm.

It’s getting to be familiar.

Beau snorts. She snorts so loud that it might dislodge something in her chest. She hits Yasha gently on the arm.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t, uh, don’t let it go to your head.”

She can see Yasha nodding in the corner of her eye.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Then, after a brief battle over whether or not to bring it up, “I don’t...I don’t...for the record, I’m not mad about you stabbing me. Or whatever.”

Yasha looks stricken, and Beau regrets it instantly. “Shit, should I not have reminded you of—”

“No,” Yasha sighs, and her face softens. “No. I am...glad that you are not mad at me.”

“Should we, like...go to a cleric about this?” Beau asks. “Is this going to be something that happens in, like...fights? Because if it does, it might put you in danger. Also, it’s...it probably sucks for you. Right?”

Fjord would probably have something to say about the way she’s handling this conversation. He’s not here now.

“I...don’t know,” Yasha says eventually. “It hasn’t happened before. It was only...just now. And...just with you. It...hurting you reminded me of being controlled. It...brought me back to all the times that my mind was not my own.”

“I’m sorry,” Beau says, because she’s not sure what else to say.

“No,” says Yasha. Beau looks up, surprised by the weight in her words. “If I am not allowed to be sorry to you, you cannot be sorry to me.”

“Ah,” says Beau. She feels a grin pulling. “In that case...I’m not sorry.”

Yasha nods, like this is sacred, and Beau can’t help but snort again. 

“C’mon,” she says. “We can...work this shit out later. Or start to. With a cleric if you want, or not, if you don’t. But I just got my ass kicked, and I’m thirsty. What do you say to some drinks? I think there’s juice. Do you like juice?”

She stands up, and sticks out a hand. 

Yasha takes it.

“Okay. I like juice.”

— — — 

✨ Ko-Fi Link in Bio! ✨ | Requests are OPEN

[jeannedarkterraguard]

I again watched critical role live tonight. (seriously my sleep-cycle is gonna be so fucked up when i get back to work next week)

Here are my thoughts: (again written as i was watching)

-these ads get wierder and wierder every time

-”thats my fault.” “Fjord or travis?” “Yes.”

-jester just stripping in the middle of the snow

-esseks already getting frustrated

-it was that easy to get rid of the Brand?

-titslapping again

-that's a great description of a sending spell

-no stairs on this cliff? Unbelievable!

-”look how beautiful she looks when shes falling.” (Yasha’s so in love)

-”this whole character Was just to make up for the fish”

-dagen!!!

-brenattos backdoor (no. just... no)

-no! Not yasha!

-are those frost giant zombies?

-no, travis i'm pretty sure yasha is not a top. Oh that's not what you meant

-awesome move veth but leave some for the others (i wanna see essek fight okay)

-they have ice lasers. Of course they have fucking ice lasers.

-shit! Jester!

-fuck them up essek!

-i love esseks spell descriptions

-yasha just decimating these giants

-girlfriend giant slayers

-i'm more and more convinced that sprinkle is undead

-i love how they're all obsessed with this door that was probably just meant as flavortext

-omg just let caleb bring them all down one by one and go together into this

-this entire place is a trap

-veth just leaving yasha as she's talking

-”oh no get the diamonds ready” (I mean you woudn’t need diamonds for yasha actually but i get it it’s funny)

-if this Robe turns out to be useless i'm gonna be so fucking mad

-spider noises

-ambush planning

-jester giving beau a piggyback ride

-aaand we're back to the door

-shit i hate these Cliffhangers

[defilerwyrm]

For the ask meme: burning bright, anything about the parts at the table with the Nein. You write their banter so well!

FIC SPOILERS BELOW!

Burning Bright on AO3

The entire dinner scene hit me like a bolt of lightning while I was working on this fic. It started with Beau’s outburst, and then Veth’s willful denial and subsequent fit, and I built the two scenes around that.

Diving into particulars….

“Uhm,” he said, intelligently, but quickly recovered and flashed his friends a smile. “It is most impressive. Certainly a step up from a tiny hut.”

A direct reference to the name of the spell. Originally it was Leomund’s tiny hut. I have no clue why in 5e Wizards decided to 86 the attribution names on so many spells like Otiluke’s resilient sphere and Tasha’s hideous laughter. Things like that always made me curious about the (what I assume were) PCs the spells were named after. I had thought maybe it was because the characters who diegetically invented them were specific to one setting, but in that case I don’t know why Bigby’s hand is still Bigby’s but Evard’s black tentacles are no longer Evard’s. I don’t like it. As an aside, Widowgast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower is, mechanically speaking, Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion. Anyway. Moving on!

It was delectable that Caleb wanted to impress him.

This boy hungry and not just for soup

Flustered, Essek tried to fend them off, but it was Caleb that did him in. It was always Caleb. The human took a large roll from his own plate, broke it in half, and offered one of these parts to Essek, who tried his best not to choke.

“You need to keep your strength up, ja?” Caleb implored him quietly.

The steady hand that accepted was a point of pride because it very much wanted to quake. The Kryn weren’t bread people, but...did he have any idea what this gesture would mean in Rosohna? Any inkling at all?

This is another one of those places where I delight in playing to cultural differences. What I’d had in mind for what that gesture—breaking food into two pieces and offering half to someone—WOULD mean in Rosohna was a bit nebulous, as I like to keep the reader guessing a bit and let their imagination fill in the blanks; but my rough idea was that it’s a courting gesture that signifies “I can and will provide for you, even if it means less for me.” An expression of selfless caregiving and an offer of partnership. Not wholly unlike a bird bringing food to a prospective mate.

And actually it’s a little bit funny coming from Caleb, who has fuck-all to his name but his name, when Essek is a rich bitch who answers directly to the Bright Queen.

Not that he was about to say it out loud, but he was a quick convert to this whole bread thing. To say that it won him over would be an understatement. That seemed to be a recurring theme here.

I imagine if I’d grown up never really eating bread and was introduced to it in adulthood I’d be like “Where have you BEEN all my life?!” But also: the bread is friendship, the bread is the Mighty Nein, the bread is communion in the spirit of sharing rather than politics and appearances and power plays—things he thought he was fine without until they were foisted upon him.

Somewhere in the course of the multiple conversations going on at one time, Jester got an Idea, as she was prone to doing. He became increasingly aware of her talking about kissing, of all things, and this culminated in her shouting above the din, cheeks flushed purple though he hadn’t seen her touch any wine: “I have an idea you guys! Why don’t we all go around and say how many people we’ve kissed?”

Jester is the most wonderfully convenient deus ex machina if you ever need to insert an awkward or embarrassing conversation among the Mighty Nein, because this is exactly the sort of shit she would do.

Jester leaped up and slammed her hands onto the table. “Caduceus you’ve never been kissed?! That’s so sad!”

The firbolg was unfazed. He merely shrugged and said, “It hasn’t come up and I haven’t gone looking. Not something I’ve ever thought about, really.”

Jester’s tail lashed back and forth behind her like an overstimulated cat. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Fjord went a bit wild-eyed at this. Caduceus smiled gently and said, “No thank you.”

Three things about this part:

1) Jester’s tail doesn’t get NEARLY enough mention in fic! If I’m playing (or writing) a character with a tail you can be damn sure you’re gonna know what it’s doing! Makes me wanna play a tabaxi tbqh.

2) Cad’s “No thank you” is the sum total of his sexuality, lol. Jester was raised in a pretty highly sexualized setting, didn’t really get out much before she fled Nicodranas, and can be pretty naïve, so she doesn’t really get the whole aroace thing; but it never crosses Cad’s mind that this would be “abnormal“ or ”sad” in any way—it causes him no distress, as it shouldn’t. This is yet another “Same planet, different worlds” moment.

3) Fjord is physically restraining himself from yelling “JESTER WHAT THE FUCK” lmao

Veth kept picking at it. “So you’re um. You know. Into the fellas?”

Beau snorted. “I could’a told you that months ago.”

“Yeah you could’a!” Veth pouted with a self-conscious curl to her shoulders.

I saw a comment on Tiktok that said Veth was being borderline homophobic, but that wasn’t my intent! It’s just that she inherited a certain blind spot for male queerness from her player, and as hard as she’d been trying to encourage Caleb to hook back up with his female ex, it never occurred to her that he had a male ex, too—and given that they’ve been so close for so long, she’s feeling pretty self-conscious about the fact that she never figured out that Caleb is bisexual in all that time, as well as kind of upset that no one—Caleb especially—told her. She’s having a moment of “Why didn’t I know this? Did you think it was going to change things between us? Did I make you feel unsafe?” And also a little bit of “Okay well, now I have to get him to hook up with TWO people AT ONCE because my boy deserves threesomes 😤”

Jester went goggle-eyed at him. “You’ve only been with one person?” she exclaimed. “But you’re like a hundred years old! And very handsome. I would have thought you’d get like, all the ladies.”

Ladies. Right.

Veth might not be the only one with a certain blind spot.

Beau gave her a funny look, snorting. “I dunno, he seems like the kinda guy who turns down those offers left and right.”

..…But Beau’s got his number, for more than one reason. She’s got super gaydar, for one, and has him pegged as the type who’s very choosy about his partners (also mind you, this was before demi!Essek was canonized by WoG, so I was still rolling with my hc that Essek got around when he felt like it).

The uproar was instantaneous. Everyone—almost everyone—started talking or shouting at once. Beau’s voice rang out among the din with, “HOLY SHIT ESSEK FUCKS.” Strangely pleased with himself, he downed the rest of his wine in one gulp and spent the next few minutes fending off increasingly prying, personal questions until the Nein grew bored with his lack of answers and someone changed the subject.

There it is, the line that spawned two entire scenes!

He was not a war mage, but he was experienced and wily, and he was damned good at what he did, and as long as there was breath left in his body, the Mighty Nein would not fall here.

Joke’s on me, motherfucker literally has the War Caster feat -_-

But like in my defense, that’s just what it’s called in the book. The feat just means that you have either the training or experience to cast well during a fight, which I see as not necessarily the same thing as a war mage, which was my way of saying an arcane caster who is a soldier.

Veth stared at her blankly as if willing herself not to understand. “Caleb? With who?”

She breathed steadily. “...Essek. Caleb and Essek.”

Beside her, Jester squealed and brought her fists to her face.

Veth was less enthused. “WHAT.”

Beau’s mental commentary here is dead on. Veth still doesn’t really trust Essek at this point and has been pretty vocal about that…despite being the one to declare him part of the Mighty Nein? Eh, she’s allowed to have complicated feelings on the guy, all things considered. But I find it kind of comical and very Veth (and very Sam) for her to be all full of zest for trying to get Caleb back together with the frigging Volstrucker who is actively working for his abuser and worst enemy but balk at him hooking up with Essek.

Jester “explained” in a delighted yell: “Caleb and Essek are gonna fuuuuuuck!”

I don’t know, is this too unsubtle to call foreshadowing? The line flowed naturally in the dialogue, but it’s also letting the reader know exactly what they’re in for next, lol.

“...He’s going to break that little elf twink, you know,” Veth said, sounding distant. Seemed she was having some difficulty processing. Not too surprising, considering how adamant she was about wanting their wizard to hook back up with his old flame, the fucking Volstrucker. “We’ve all seen his dick.”

This was 100% taken from Sam’s little throwaway line “It’s above-average” but it turned out to serve two purposes other than reminding the reader that all of these people have seen Caleb naked:

1) It’s yet another thing Veth thinks she understands about him but doesn’t. Caleb’s a top like Dalmatians are purple and if you disagree then I respect your right to be incorrect ;)

2) That said, it is, in fact, foreshadowing for the sequel, in which Essek experiences a great deal of frustration. (I haven’t touched the damn thing in weeks, feels like; I’ve been too busy with work, being exhausted from work, and being in a tizzy about my upcoming surgery.)

Fjord blurted out, “I’ll join you.”

Poor Fjord has had such an uncomfortable night!

Hoo boy that was a lot. Thanks for the ask, this was really fun!! And sorry it took so long; I work Saturday nights and things got really busy for a bit there.

[darkcomesoon]

So, I wrote this little thing because I am going to combust if we don’t have Beau and Yasha talking alone soon. This scene wouldn’t leave me alone the entire day so I had to write it down. Mind you, this is my first time ever writing fanfic, so I have no idea if this is going to be good, also English is not my first language so I’m aware there must be some mistakes here and there. Hope someone other than me enjoys it.

--

They were on a hill in the middle of a forest covered in snow and the sun was going down. Jester and Yasha managed to clear a good amount of the snow covering a big rock they found, right by the edge of the mountain with a good visibility to the rest of the forest. It was going to be tight but it was either that or sleeping on the cold wet snow on the ground since Caleb couldn’t create the tower today.

Ten minutes pass and Caleb finishes casting the spell to create the dome over the rock and one by one they enter the security of the bubble. Even though the dome gave them a lot more comfort and safety, they still needed to take watch to make sure whatever was hunting down in those parts of the forest stayed away.

First shift is taken by Caleb and Veth, Jester and Caduceus take the second watch. When the third shift comes, Jester, who had made sure Yasha and Beau took their shift together, wakes Yasha up and whispers in her ear “this is it, do something”, to which the response is simply a slow and sleepy growl.

When Yasha gets up, Beau is already sitting on the edge of the rock looking out the mountains. She stops for a moment, taking in the view of Beauregard with the white forest background. She tries to be a little stealthy but ends up kicking a little pebble directly into Beau’s tight, making the monk jump up a little bit. Beau turns around to find Yasha looking at her with an apologetic expression.

“oh shit, sorry”

Beau instantly opens a little smile, disregarding the pebble completely.

“Hey… Want to…”

She points to the spot next to her on the edge of the rock. Yasha lets a little “oh” escape her lips as she nods lightly at the question. She sits as they exchange a smile and an awkward laugh.

Both of them look over the mountains in silence, nervousness consuming the air. Yasha opens her mouth and takes in some breath as if she’s going to say something but her mind stops her. Two, three times, and on the forth try she manages to turn her head to look at Beau, who looks back at her. Without a word, Yasha awkwardly extends her arm to the side, behind Beau’s back but not touching her. She holds open her coat and gives a shy little smile.

“Wanna… you know… huddle for warmth?”

Yasha looks a little bit incredulous of what she’s said, but not as much as she looks proud. Beau gets the callback from the first time they took watch together and opens a big smile, admiring the gentle barbarian.

“Oh… I mean, yeah sure” She shrugs a little bit.

Yasha imitates Beau’s smile and waits for her to move in closer and as soon as she does, Yasha wraps her arm around Beau’s shoulder, covering her with her coat. Beau snuggles slightly on the side of Yasha’s body, her face turning a little red from blushing. She waits for a moment in silence before turning her head to the side and a little up to look directly at Yasha.

“So... we never actually talked after… you know, Molly’s grave.”

Yasha just presses her lips waiting for the question she knew was coming. Beau continues.

“I… I wanted to talk to you but I couldn’t really find the moment. I…”

“I’m ok, Beau” Yasha interrupts softly “I’m doing better, you know? I feel weird about all of this but I’m good.”

Beau holds in a smile.

“oh, ok? I, I know you are ok, I mean, you are the strongest of all of us, physically and mentally. That’s not actually what I was going to ask.”

Yasha gives Beau a confused look.

“That’s… I wouldn’t quite say mentally, after all I am the easiest to get, you know” she points at her own head and bobs it a little bit, making a funny face. A short snort leaves Beau’s lips as she laughs softly at Yasha.

“No, I don’t mean like that. And we do need to get you something for that” She also points at Yasha’s head “but I mean, look at everything you’ve been through. After so many people messing with your head you’re still here, and you’re getting better each day. Like, it takes a lot of fortitude and a strong mind to get out of where you were before. You are stronger than you think, Yasha.”

Yasha looks down, a semblance of a smile on her face as she contemplates every word that was just said to her. Beau waits for her response, knowing Yasha likes to pick her exact words every time she speaks.

“I… Thank you, Beau”

“Well, it’s the truth” Beau shrugs.

“What was it that you wanted to ask me then? About Molly?”

Beau turns her head to look away from Yasha and takes a deep breath.

“Yeah… I…Do you think he’s Molly still?

Yasha takes her time thinking about the question, looking over the mountains.

“I think… I wanted it to be him” She looks at Beau with sadness.  “I really miss him… But it’s so weird… he… he left his coat. And I think if it were Molly, wouldn’t he have come for us by now? I mean, wouldn’t we have heard something from him?” Yasha lets out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know, really.”

“Yeah…”

“Do you think he’s still Molly?”

Beau hesitates, not wanting to say it out loud but Yasha gives her an expectant look.

“I think we are on the same page here, I… Everything points to him not being Molly anymore and I think that would be easier, actually” Beau’s expression hardens. “But I honestly don’t know what to do if it ends up he was Molly all this time.”

Yasha doesn’t respond, she just tightens the grip of her arm around Beau’s shoulder, bringing her even closer.

They sit there in silence for a little while, contemplating the journey ahead of them and the beauty of the place. Slowly the sun starts to show its colors behind the mountains and illuminate the forest, they should wake their friends soon. But before their watch is over, Beau breaks the silence.

“Fuck me. This place may be creepy as hell but it does have its beauty.”

Yasha lets out a small laugh and looks softly at Beau. “Yeah, I think there’s beauty everywhere, you just gotta know where to look at.”

Beau looks back at Yasha, a small breath leaving her mouth and a coy smile on her face.

“You’re right.” She laughs “I think you’ve been spending too much time with Caduceus, tho.”

Yasha laughs at the response, a hearty laugh that makes Beau look a little proud of getting that reaction.

“Yeah, I have… He’s a cool guy”

“He is”

“And he gives the best advice”

“Oh, yeah?” Beau looks amused “What kind of advice has he been giving you?”

“Hmm… Just about some things I’ve been struggling with. I… I have some things I want to say to someone and I don’t quite know how to do it” Yasha’s cheeks are red and she looks a little more nervous now “So he told me to not be too patient, not wait too much to say it, you know? Not think I have more time than I actually do.”

“Damn, that’s good advice. And he’s right, you know?”

Yasha smiles “He is”

“So… are you?”

Yasha gives Beau a questioning look.

“Are you going to say the things you want to say?”

Yasha takes a deep breath and looks away from Beau.

“I… I’m working on it” She looks back at Beau “Definitely getting closer”

Beau smiles softly and gives Yasha a proud look.

“Good, I want to hear it someday”

They exchange a knowing look, filled with admiration and tenderness. As the sun rises, they stay there hugging on the cold white forest, waiting for another day to start.

[warriorbard2012]

Intimacy 39, an actual open honest conversation, Beau and Essek the night before he leaves the Grove in 141.

Here you go!

Beau found Essek sitting near the spring. It was late, the sun had gone down and everyone else was setting in for the evening. They had cleaned up enough of the Clay’s house to make it at least semi comfortable for evening, and the rest of the clean up could finish in the morning. Yasha was talking with Jester and Calliope, and Beau had seen Essek sitting by himself, looking at the water.

Quietly she sat down next to him, and picked up a rock and threw it in the water.

“I am fine.” Essek said, before she could say anything.

“Sure you are…” Beau paused and sat back on her arms, looking out at the water. The light of the moons reflected off the surface and the sound of crickets and other night life was peaceful. Beau heard the sound of an owl hooting and she turned towards the tree where she heard the owl and flipped them off. “Fuck you Professor.” She whispered.

“What?” Essek asked confused. Beau just laughed and shook her head.

“Nothing, old joke. But anyway, what’s on your mind?”

Essek sighed. “Just thinking.”

“Seems like more than just thinking… it’s been an interesting couple of days. I know I’m having a hard time processing it all.”

He didn’t answer for a moment, then turned to her. “It has. I was just thinking how different my life has become, and how I don’t want to leave it.”

“Then don’t… stay here. I’m sure Cad and the rest of the Clay’s could use the company.”

“I’ll make them a target if I stay. I’ll be found out eventually.” Essek sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I already have enough blood on my hands… I couldn’t live with myself if any of yours joins them. I didn’t think it was possible, but you all have become my family.”

Beau smiled. She understood exactly how he was feeling. “And that scares you… doesn’t it?”

“Terrifies me actually.” Essek confessed quietly.

Beau reached over and patted his shoulder. “I get that… but family, true family is worth it.” She paused, thinking. “I once tried to make a deal with the Ha a few months ago. I thought that I had reached my peak, that I had gone as far as I could, and I had no where to go but down. I figured that if I ended it on my terms that I wouldn’t hurt as bad you know? And that my life was worth less than Veth’s…”

Essek didn’t answer, but was looking at her intently. “I was wrong. Jester saved me from making a mistake, and the others helped me realize that there is so much more for me to live and experience. I mean I would have missed out on Yasha and I being together, and getting Molly, well Kingsley, back. Some times the risk is worth it.”

“I hope so.” Essek sighed. “It’s funny how scared I am now that I have something to live for, instead of just going though the motions day in and day out.”

“Life can be scary, but it can also be beautiful and glorious… especially when you have someone to share it with.” Beau gave Essek a meaningful look.

Essek blushed. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Beau rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’m sure you do.” She held out her hand to help him up. Then she surprised them both by pulling him into a hug. “I know you have to go, just don’t go disappearing on us. Stay in touch. And don’t be afraid to ask for your help if you need it.” She pulled back to look him in the eyes. “Gods know you pulled us out of enough fires in Aeor, I would like the chance to do the same for you.”

He nodded. Beau gave him a smile and stepped back. Then she faked a punch towards his shoulder. “And don’t break my brother’s heart if you can help it…”

Essek smiled softly. “I will do my best.” He stood there, watching he turn to walk away. “Hey, Beau.” He called out to her, making her turn around once more to face him.

“Thank you.” He said, giving her a genuine smile.

Beau just smiled back at him. “You’re welcome. Now I’m off to go snuggle with my girlfriend. Have a good night.”

“Good night.” Essek said, watching her leave before looking up at the evening sky for just a few minutes longer, feeling a lot better than he had a moment before. His heart would mourn leaving, but the thought that he could return at any time, gave him hope.

Breathing one last breath of fresh air, he turned and followed Beau inside, only to be immediately greeted with noise and warm voices as the rest of the Mighty Nien gathered around him, wondering where he had been. He felt Caleb’s hand shyly slip into his, and he knew that with the strength of this group beside him, he could weather any storm that might come his way.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

tell me it’s okay

Rating: G Fandom: Critical Role Pairing: Fjord/Jester Word Count: 2329 Words

Summary: Fjord has a very specific problem that he’s been trying to avoid dealing with, but you can only avoid your problems for so long.

A/N: This is pure fluffy wish fulfillment, which I suppose all fanfiction is to an extent. But yeah. Fjord is maybe more smooth than I intended him to be, but maybe not. I’ll put the AO3 link in a reblog and see if that allows this to go into the tags.

Fjord has a lot of problems. They vary in severity; from a vengeful betrayer god who possibly wants him dead to somehow assisting with brokering peace between nations that have been warring for centuries. And yet, there is one that he’s been avoiding, because he doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s the one that keeps plaguing him no matter what else is going on in the world.

Fjord is in love with one of his best friends and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do with that.

This problem, of course, branches out into several others:

1. If Beau is to be believed, Jester had a crush on him when they first started traveling together.

     1a. In hindsight, this is fairly obvious and he kind of feels like an idiot.

     1b. Beau could just be fucking with him.

2. He thinks she might be over that crush, but he can’t tell, and he would feel stupid asking anyone for their opinion on it, because he’s an adult man and he should be able to deal with these things.

3. A crush is very different than love and maybe she has a crush on him, but her feelings aren’t deeper than that.

4. If he confesses these feelings and she doesn’t return them, he could ruin their friendship forever.

5. Jester has a lot of things to worry about and he doesn’t want to put any additional pressure on her.

6. Jester deserves someone better than him for multiple reasons.

7. He’s not even sure he knows how to be in love properly.

There are more. Others. But he’s tired of going through the list over and over in his own head. The newest problem is that now that Travelercon is over and they’re back in Rosohna, none of them know what they’re supposed to do next. And he keeps running into Jester in the halls in increasingly awkward situations made a hundred times worse by the fact that every time he sees her, he wants to kiss her.

Gods, he wants to kiss her.

Caleb isn’t in the house very often. He’s spending quite a bit of time with Essek while the two of them look into the vision everyone had when Vokodo died. Caduceus has been talking about going back home to check on his family. Beau and Yasha are talking about searching for Zuala’s grave so Yasha can try to find peace. And Veth and Jester are talking about going back to Nicodranas to spend some time with their families.

Fjord could stay in Rosohna, but he wants to go to Nicodranas. Not just because that’s where Jester will be, but he’s stopped denying that isn’t a huge point in its favor. He has other things to do. He wants to see if he can track down Sabien. Find out what happened on the boat that night and why. Jester would help, if he asked, and he knows that. But he can’t get rid of the nagging feeling that he would be in the way. That she doesn’t want him there.

He’s sitting in the living room by himself agonizing over all of this when Jester walks in and he loses his breath. She pokes her head in through the door first. When she sees him on the couch, her entire face lights up with her contagious grin and his heart thumps dangerously in his chest.

“There you are!” She slips into the room and closes the door behind her. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Fjord knows he should say something, but he’s pretty sure he’s forgotten how to speak. This. This is the problem. He sees her and she’s beautiful and smiling and his entire brain shuts off. She’s wearing her navy blue dress that ties around the back of her neck, exposing her arms and shoulders. The diamond dust tattoo glimmers along the lines of her shoulders and fuck, he should stop staring, he really should, but the sight of her makes his mouth go dry.

Jester doesn’t seem to notice his conundrum as she skips across the room and throws herself onto the couch next to him. Gods, she seems so much happier since they got back. Like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She tucks her legs under her skirt, facing him, and pokes him in the shoulder.

“Caleb’s looking for you,” she says.

It’s possible that her fingers linger over his shoulder. It’s possible that he’s reading too much into it.

Fjord forces himself to smile in a way that he hopes is disarming. “Does he need something?”

“Yeah.” She pokes him again with a smile. “Are you staying in Rosohna or not?”

“Ah. That.” Fjord wrinkles his nose. Jester tilts her head, staring at him. Waiting. Fjord just stares back until he realizes what he’s doing and his cheeks start to get dangerously hot. He pulls his eyes away from her and stares into his lap as he scratches the back of his neck. “I would get kind of bored being alone in this house.”

“Then come to Nicodranas?” She swallows hard all of a sudden. “Unless, I mean, I guess you could go with Caduceus. I know you want to learn more about the Wildmother.”

This makes him look up again. Her fingers are tracing the back of the couch, inches away from him, and she’s staring down at the cushion so her hair has fallen down into her face. Fjord flexes his hand to try to rid himself of the urge to brush her hair back.

“I suppose that’s an option,” he says carefully. He shifts so he’s facing her, his knee brushing hers, but she doesn’t move. “I, uh…. I do have some unfinished business back home, though.”

Her head whips up. “You do?”

Fjord can’t help but smile at the possibility that there’s hope in her voice. “Yeah, I do. I’ve tried to find Sabien before. It’s been some time. Maybe I’ll have better luck now.”

“Maybe I could help you.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. You deserve to spend some time with your mother after all you’ve been through.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” She scoots a little closer so their knees are actually touching. “Besides.” She lowers her voice conspiratorially. “I’d get kind of bored sitting around the house all day, too.”

And there it is again. That overwhelming urge to kiss her. It’s not even an urge. More like a need. His body aches with it. It’s like every rational thought has abandoned him, because he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing when he leans forward and presses his lips to hers.

Gently.

Briefly.

Briefly, because as soon as he makes contact, logic slams back into his brain and fuck, he kissed Jester, and he pulls back so fast his back is straight against the arm of the couch. The look on her face might be funny if he weren’t so sure that it’s mirrored on his own face. Her eyes are wide, her cheeks are flushed, her fingers rest carefully on her lips.

And to top it all off, he wants to do it again. Better. The right way. But he’s frozen and he’s forgotten how to move or speak or function or be normal in any way and oh gods, he’s fucked up.

“Sorry,” he manages to stutter out. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I just – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to….”

She blinks once. Twice. Her hand still touching her mouth. “What was that for, Fjord?”

He shakes his head and swallows hard. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

He nods, unable to speak. She frowns, hand dropping heavily into her lap.

“Okay.” She stands and brushes her hands down her skirt. “Well, if you decide you’re coming to Nicodranas, tell Caleb tonight. We’re leaving in the morning.”

“It’s still okay if I go to Nicodranas with you?”

She half-laughs, but it’s dampened by something. Anger, he thinks. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you’re angry with me.”

Jester sighs, rolling her eyes, and her hands clench into fists at her sides. “I’m not angry with you, Fjord.”

“Really?” He stands, closer to her than he intended, but that doesn’t matter. He just taps one of her fists. “It seems like you’re angry.”

She crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Why would I be angry?”

“Because I kissed you without asking?! And you don’t… like… me? Like that?”

So many different emotions cross her face and Fjord isn’t very good at reading people to begin with. He’s too busy feeling like an absolute fool to try now. He’s a grown man and he’s worried about whether or not she likes him back. Whether or not he’s done irreparable damage to their friendship with a heat-of-the-moment decision. And they’re both adults and they should be able to talk about this like –.

Without warning, her hands are on the back of his neck and she pulls him back down into another kiss. He’s so shocked that he doesn’t respond at first. She’s about to pull away and no he doesn’t want that, so he grabs her by the hips and pulls her back and kisses her again. A little harder than he intended, but she lets out a pleased sigh and her fingers curl at the back of his neck, so all of a sudden, things seem a lot fucking better.

He kisses her lips and both her cheeks. Her nose. Her forehead. Her chin. He just wants to kiss her everywhere, because he’s not entirely sure what’s happening or if it will happen again and he wants to absorb as much as he can now.

It’s a while before she sets her hands on his chest and pulls back, ducking her head to the side with a giggle when he tries to kiss her again. He wrinkles his nose at her, brushing her hair back behind her ear instead. Staring at her freckles as his fingers run across her cheek. Down the side of her neck. Across her shoulder.

“I didn’t think you liked me,” she says quietly.

“Well, I do,” he whispers back. It’s more an exhale than a sentence. His heart twists in his chest, because there it is. Officially out in the open.

“Okay.” She swallows hard and her fingers curl into his shirt as she sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. “Well.” Her eyes are searching his face, her breathing staggered. “I don’t know what that means.”

Fjord’s fingers still against her skin. “What do you mean? Is this not….”

The words get stuck in his throat. He tries to take a step back, but she has a grip on his shirt and he can’t move.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” she says, a little louder. “I’ve never – This is – I don’t know what I’m doing, okay?”

Oh. He doesn’t say anything. He just waits. Her fingers unclench and she smooths the fabric of his shirt, sending little shocks through his body. She finally just grabs his elbow, staring at his chest instead of meeting his eyes.

“You’re my best friend, Fjord. And I don’t know –.” She shakes her head. “I’m sure you could have whoever you want. Somebody beautiful. Someone who maybe knows….” She trails off again, her shoulders hunching forward.

“Hey.” The word comes out sharp. He tucks his fingers under her chin and tilts her head back up. “Jester. I don’t know where you got this idea that I have any idea what I’m doing, but I don’t. And you’re beautiful. Inside and out. It’s why I – why I like you. So much. I thought you were mad at me, because I ruined our friendship. I’d rather be in love with you from afar than lose you as a friend. Okay?”

“Okay,” she says, the disbelief on her face quickly being overtaken by a smirk. “So, you’ve been secretly in love with me this whole time, huh?”

Fjord groans and throws his head back, pretending to be more put out than he actually is. “Jester.”

She pats his chest before she steps out of his arms. “All I’m saying is that I gave you plenty of opportunities to confess.”

“Where are you going?” Fjord lets out a heavy sigh and reaches out for her again.

Jester sidesteps his grasp. “Are you coming to Nicodranas?”

“If you’ll have me.” She wiggles her eyebrows at him and he chokes on a mix of laughter and exasperation. He walked right into that one. “Yes. I’m going to Nicodranas with you, okay?”

“To be with me?”

“To look for Sabien.”

She frowns, but her eyes are still alight with humor.

His heart clenches in his chest, because... this can’t be real. “Yes,” he says, unable to stop grinning all of a sudden. “I’d like to be there with you.”

Jester nods and steps around him. He reaches out to grab her elbow before she can get too far, spinning her around, pulling her back into his chest.

“Where are you going?”

“To tell Caleb and Veth that you’ve decided.”

He’s more pleased than he’d like to admit over the breathlessness in her voice. “Can I kiss you again first?”

“I think you’re trying to distract me.”

“You distract me all the time.”

“Well, okay then.”

Fjord kisses her again and it’s hard, because it feels like laughter and light are bubbling up in his chest and he wants to kiss her, but he also can’t seem to stop from smiling. So he grins against her mouth and then kisses her chin again and then her cheek and then her neck before he steps back and lets her go.

“I can’t believe you weren’t ever going to tell me that you’re in love with me,” she says, grinning, practically floating back toward the door.

He just smiles back, cheeks flushing a little, as she slips back out.

“I don’t think I could have helped myself,” he says, once he’s alone again.

[mapleandgingeroatmeal]

CR2E109- Frigid Propositions

Ooops! I've been moving and then road-tripping the past few days, which makes for a high volume of podcast consumption and a very low amount of blogging time. I also have a week off now, so I plan on going back and categorizing my Rumblecusp thoughts, because I have many. For now though, I want to keep up with this project so I'm writing while things are fresh in my mind. So! With that said, here's 109 thoughts!

I always love a shopping episode. Is that weird? Idk, they're usually light-hearted and role-play heavy, which are two things I love. This one was no exception.

It's so funny to see everyone go completely fucking wild the first time they get any kind of wealth in their pockets. Illegal Fireworks! All the paper in the city! A million stink bombs! A 5,000 gp ring that I will never need! It makes sense for people who live so much in the moment to spend the way they do, but god its also so funny how ecstatic they are to have spends .

Fjord and Yasha are so good together?? Hey? Fjord is such a charismatic guy, he should be good at this, but Yahsa has zero impulse control and he likes to be spontaneous sometimes, so it's like she sucks all his common sense and people skills right out of him when they're together. What a great dynamic omg.

Veth is totally That Mom who makes everyone take terrible matching-christmas-pajama photos and I am so here for it.

It makes me happy to see Veth with her family, but I do always get this feeling like the relationships she has there are so forced and fleeting. They've never spent more than a few days at a time together since she's been back! Matt even makes a point of saying how much Yeza's changed and has become a different person in her absence. I honestly feel Veth and Yeza are really tip-toeing around each other at this point.

Also we went through all of Rumblecusp and we haven't once had a convo about how Veth is feeling/adjusting to her new body? I want that info so badly, but I also totally feel like this is a deliberate character choice on Sam's part. He knows how to constructively interrupt if he wanted a scene of her talking about it, which makes me think Veth is in hard Denial Mode about her feelings and wants and needs rn.

(also over in Widowbrave land, Veth could've given Caleb anything, but she chose a thong?? If that's not a you-can-join-me-and-my-husband-sometime flirt then wtf is it?)

Ashley Johnson came for my entire soul with that church scene. "I think I'm being rebuilt, too". EXCUSE ME I'M SOBBING?? I have been so in love with Yahsa's ard since Obann, some day when I have time I'm gonna scream for an hour about the Wings scene.

Ok not that long ago I said that I wasn't feeling the Fjorjester buildup super hard; I am now revising that opinion. Travis has definitely been laying the groundwork. That unicorn was Fjucking adorable, and I love how he matched Jester's goofy playful energy when he gave it to her. You can see him trying so hard to speak her language and it's just so precious.

And it was so interesting that Caleb pushed them together with the knowledge that he's been a little in love with Jester for a while. I guess he's seen enough of how her and Fjord pretty obviously feel that he's trying to get himself over that one. Also the fact that he may lose Veth has forced him to confront how in love with her he is

It really is incredible how far Beau and Caleb specifically have come. None of these guys are at all who they were at the start, but I feel like the change is most obvious on them. Caleb isn't quite at forgiving himself, but he's slowly letting himself be happy. Beau is reading books and allowing people to love her and commanding a position of responsibility.

Caduceus is finally opening up to friends about his issues and I'm so proud of him? Even if it's just that very little bit. Beyond what he said to Yasha specifically, you can really tell by the things he doesn't say that he's been doing some quiet self-reflection. I mean, "patience can curdle into apathy", hello, projecting much there bud? Think maybe you're not even talking about Yahsa's issues so much any more?

also we got a hint of aro/ace Cad here with his comments about finding the dancing awkward. I am so excited that talks is back, and I cannot wait for someone to ask Tailesen about the choice to create a character with that identity specifically. God I love Caduceus Clay with all my heart and soul. I would die for this wise baby cow man.

AAA I've gotten to Eiselcross I cannot fuckin belive I'm here!! I know I'm still many episodes behind, but I've officially reached the place where I really started seeing enough cr around my lurker feeds to decide I should get into it myself. So it honestly feels like I've reached some arbitrary "caught up" point in my head, bc from here on out I vaguely saw fan reactions to live episodes as they were released. I know whats coming here, and I am SO EXCITED to see it all for reals.

I might be able to do a pseudo-livebloggy thing with the next few episodes since I'm on break, so if there's anybody out there who actually reads these things and was sad I skipped so much, maybe that will make it up to you.

[mnemememory]

speechless

spoilers for episode 87

.

Caleb has been living in a constant state of delirium for approximately three days and forty-seven minutes.

He is dehydrated, exhausted, and going to throw up on the next person who looks at him even a little bit funny. This entire field trip has been a nightmare sketched straight from everything Caleb had never wanted. Frankly, the only way this could be worse was if Astrid decided to hop on by, and at this point, Caleb won’t disregard it. The world apparently has a personal vendetta against him. Well, him and his new family – but mostly him.

“Impressive business, isn’t it?” Trent Ikithon says, smiling. In every fever-dream memory Caleb has of him, Trent is always smiling. “You’ve come so far from simple sellswords and pit fighters.”

He looks at Yasha, and Caleb feels something foreign and uncomfortable squirm in his stomach.

Then Trent is looking at him, and he’s still smiling, and Caleb can’t look away.

“Especially you, Bren.”

Bren.

Bren.

The name comes from so far away. It takes Caleb a moment to recognise it, the sound foreign to his ears. It has been so long since he discarded that name – it fits awkwardly around his throat, now, like a noose. Trent is smiling at him and it’s so familiar and alien.

Bren.

Bren.

Caleb just stares.

His family surround him, latch onto his sides and glare out at the world. Caleb can barely breathe as Trent makes his smug swanning exit, robes billowing out behind him. Had he always looked like that? Caleb doesn’t remember a lot of things, but he thought he had long-since memorised the lines of Trent Ikathon’s face. From the ridge of his nose to the hard lines of his eyebrows, Caleb has been looking into the face of a phantom since before he lost his mind.

Trent Ikathon looks…different.

“We will not let him get you,” Nott hisses next to him, knuckles white along his robes. “You have done nothing wrong.”

That is very debatable, but Caleb is too tired to protest. They’re all running on fumes. Caleb can see Yasha’s wilting spine, Jester’s forced smile, the darkening shadows underneath Caduceus’ eyes. He wants nothing more than to sleep and never wake up. He wants to leave.

This is bigger than him, though. This is bigger than all of them.

Caleb just nods. He doesn’t trust his mouth at the moment, doesn’t trust that his voice won’t crack and reveal just how unsettled he truly is. Though, from the looks everyone is giving him, he is doing a very poor job at hiding it.

Bren.

That is his name, isn’t it? That is the name his parents gave him, that is the name he knew Astrid underneath. It was not a bad name. Caleb made it into one.

Caleb, or Bren? Are they the same people? Caleb has spent years changing his name at the drop of a hat, at the flip of a coin, at the sight of a smile. Accents are hard to shake, but names can be replaced. It wasn’t until Nott the Brave – until Veth the Breve – that Caleb settled into something semi-permanent. Bren feels like a too-small coat, now, the edges fraying the seams splitting.

“Especially you, Bren.”

What does that mean? What is Caleb supposed to take away from that?

(It is a threat. That is all. It is a threat, it is not a personal judgement, it is not a teacher complimenting growth –)

Caleb’s scars are itching. He wants to dig his nails into his skin and rip it open, until he’s got nothing left but bone. His arms are wrapped tight together, and he scrapes his thumb against the side of his palm – deeper, deeper, deeper. It isn’t enough. Everything is too blunt, too unsteady, too unfocused. They are saying something, the people around him, but Caleb can’t hear any of it. Maybe this is how he dies.

They are walking, soft hands leading him somewhere. Frumpkin leaps from someone’s arms onto his shoulders, wrapping warm fur around his neck and blocking his ears off from the rest of the world. Caleb can’t relax into it, can’t let his shoulder unclench and his spine unsnap or he’s going to break, but he does feel some relief at the new barrier. Frumpkin is warm and large and protective as he purrs into Caleb’s ear until it’s all Caleb can hear. The others are still talking, but they don’t seem to expect any kind of response from him, so Caleb doesn’t even bother trying to track their words.

He always knew this would happen. As soon as they went into Xhorhas – no, before. As soon as they walked through that festival and triumphed in the pit, with Mollymauk still at their side and Yasha smiling without the weight of the world pressing against her throat, Caleb knew that this would happen. Anonymity is for bad people. Heroes are talked about in loud voices, after all, and the Mighty Nein – for all they are a bunch of impulsive fuck-ups – are very good at playing hero.

(They’re just also very good at pissing people off).

Caleb looked into the pit and saw this happening and he did nothing, he did nothing, and this is his fault. He has no one to blame but himself. He walked into Rexxentrum with full knowledge of his place here. They have Yasha back, but they’re also about to be thrown into prison the next time Jester opens her mouth, and Caleb doesn’t know what to do.

“Should I kill him?” Yasha said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Caleb doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry. He wants to do both. He feels precariously close to the edge of whatever happened to him all those years ago, with soot smudging his fingertips and sparks blowing high into the stars. He spent years in that hospital, with the screaming. Most of it was his.

He feels like screaming now.

Bren.

Bren.

Bren –

“Caleb?” Nott whispers, reaching up and touching his cheek.

Caleb blinks and looks around. They’re standing in the middle of what appears to a suite of rooms, complete with elaborately carved furniture and a stained glass window. An actual stained glass window. Caleb has an eidetic memory, he knows exactly how much those things cost –

“Caleb, you don’t have to speak, but can you nod your head if you want some water?”

Caleb blinks down at her. Frumpkin is still purring away across his neck and shoulders.

He slowly nods his head.

Nott breathes out a sigh and then leads Caleb over to one of the couches, gently sitting him down. Jester immediately snuggles up next to him, Fjord a strengthening presence on his other side.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Nott says. Her eyes don’t leave Caleb. “Yasha is standing at the door with Beau. They won’t let anyone in. Caduceus is making some food. None of us have eaten for quite a while.”

Caleb nods again, blankly.

Nott clears her throat. “We won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Jester hugs him tightly. “It will be okay,” she says.

“If anything happens, we can always run,” Fjord rumbles. “Maybe Allura would let us set up in Ta’dore. Convince the Council to grant us citizenship or something. At the very least, we have income back in Nicodranas.”

“I do not want to run from this,” Caleb says. His voice comes out small and scratchy.

“We will be here with you,” Jester says. “No matter what.”

Caleb has used up all his words. He can’t do anything but nod.

“Caleb,” Nott says. She hasn’t gone to get some water, but Caleb can see Caduceus out of the corner of his eyes brewing tea. Maybe that’s what she’s waiting for. “We will get through this.”

Caleb leans back and closes his eyes and says nothing.

[all-pacas]

veth, beau, caleb, fjord, jester

this..... will be so shocking...... such a surprise .........

1. VETH, my girl, the best girl. sam has always played her as just fun and funny and she just... seems like she’d be fun to hang around? like you’d end up in jail, but she’d give you her jacket to use as a pillow while you’re in the cell together, you know? she’s so flawed and unapologetically weird and also her backstory? like jesus christ she was tortured to death and murdered and didn’t die and is a walking bundle of ptsd and trauma and is still hilarious and more worried about everyone but herself. like caleb, number two on this list, love him, but he spends a not insignificant amount of time wallowing in and self absorbed in his own trauma. and that’s fine! that’s normal! but that veth has gone through just as bad or worse and still spends her time focused on the care of others? love her.

2. CALEB. look. does the fandom’s glorification of him at the expense of others get really old sometimes, you bet. but is he still a fucking nerd? yes! he’s got this serious rep but he’s a troll and a goofball and his favorite party members are the chaotic dumbasses and that says a lot! he’s kind of extra and had the bad habit of escalating situations (what are the odds he starts the fight against lord avacado next ep? DECENT.), but he’s fun and he stans veth more than i do and so he gets Cred.

3. this part gets harder but i’m going with FJORD, actually. because i think he’s underrated and i love an underdog! but like! fjord is so good you guys? he’s come so far and he’s always looked out for his people, from episode one and two and three to now. he’s impulsive and goofy and funny but he’s also just. strong big brother energy. always looking out for people. teasing beau about crying in a way that’s all affection. giving up his powers and specialness with no promise of a trade off, just because it would be wrong to keep his deal... and then forgetting that maybe uk’atoa won’t love it if he goes back to the ocean after, the dumbass. he’s kind of lowkey and maybe doesn’t stand out as much as some of the other personalities, but fjord always improves the dynamics just by existing in them.

4. JESTER - my first favorite and still just great. she’s super fun and hides her chaos with sweetness, but is absolutely a chaotic dumbass with the best of them. she’s so fun and never boring and her and veth? perfect team combo. she’s fantastic. i guess the only knock against her isn’t even against her, it’s the fact that the fandom treating her as the designated love interest is so boring and i hate it out of spite. but she’s great!!

5. BEAU — it’s just a stacked lineup! it’s hard to come in first against my legit faves! i like beau a lot, i like her in the more recent stretch, where she’s more relaxed and just... has fun, has stupid contests with veth, contrasted to very early episodes and the way her interactions were posturing, on and off interactions with molly. now she just... has fun! goofs off! is so much more relaxed and poses much less and is much better for it!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E73 (Aug. 6, 2019)

Gooooooood evening good evening good evening all! @eponymous-rose is off packing for a cross-country move (as if THAT’S an excuse), so here I am isntead to lay waste to all you love. 

Tonight’s preroll: Sam’s costume from the liveshow getting dunked in acid.

Tonight’s guests: Laura Bailey & Sam Riegel, in a fully human and normal tshirt and jeans. Everyone oohs and ahs over Laura’s adorable live show outfit; Sam waits eagerly for equal attention. And waits, and waits...

Tonight’s announcements: Huge thanks to everyone who came out to the live show in Indy last weekend (I was there! It was great!). Laura talks about everyone singing the theme on the intro. Sam sent his entire costume back with Dani so he wouldn’t get stopped in the airport. Poor Dani! Season 3 of Between the Sheets, featuring Amanda Palmer, is up for Twitch subs now and will be up on YT on Wednesday. CR is headed to Austin, TX, for a live show on Sept. 23! Everyone talks about how Doty will definitely, definitely be in this show: The Adventures of the Darrington Brigade, ft. the return of Sam as Taryon. Sam says he already has something in mind for his costume; everyone else will be playing new characters. Laura’s got an idea for a backup character for Jester, but BWF advises her not to use this for the live show since Jester will def be dead in less than 20 episodes. Go to critrole.com/events for more.

Episode 73: Uthodurn, which is not spelled at all like I thought

CR Stats! Nott dealt 124 damage this episode, only 23 of which was friendly fire. Sam: “You know, he just needs to get out of the fucking way.” Nott rolled her 50th nat 20, resulting in a 43 stealth check. Laura and Sam quietly talk about Sam’s tendency to touch everyone else’s dice as opposed to his “playing fairly.” Sam also laments he’s lost his dustbuster in the studio somewhere after the last bit. Jester is tied with Beau at 9 for the most HDYWTDTs. Jester also played her 50th prank this episode: creating the ballpeen hammer as an offering to the Allhammer.

Laura thinks part of Jester’s new anger in battle is part of losing Yasha, especially when she disappeared right in front of her and Jester wasn’t able to help her at all. “Jester mammoth-raged.” Laura raves about being a mammoth & talks about needing to work on her elephant noise. Both Laura and Sam fail miserably at making the noise.

Sam slowly drinks a shot. It’s... a thing.

We have a close-up of Sam’s nail polish, which was done for the live show. He doesn’t own nail polish remover, it turns out.

Nott will talk to Cad about the explosive arrow whenever Cad brings it up. First, Cad was invisible & therefore at fault because he couldn’t be seen; the second part of the blame goes to Laura Bailey, who leaned over and told Sam right before his turn he had to kill this thing right now. The explosive arrow was the best thing he had; Sam accepts one part of the blame for forgetting it would be fire. Sam & Laura agree the bolt should have had some thunder/force damage associated with it because of the concussive blast. (Hilariously, my father presented this precise argument to me with GREAT VIGOR right after this episode aired.)

Jester’s call to the Traveler was just in the heat of the moment. All of her power comes from him, so Jester calls out to him (and Laura thinks it cool) when she gets a big oomph. Sam wonders aloud if her powers genuinely come from the Traveler or not. Laura: “I mean...as far as she knows.” Sam’s also distracted that the question card had a straight-up name on it rather than a username.

Sam considers the outcome of the election a win, since he’s one of the bi-Presidents of D&D Beyond until further notice. “It doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you get there.” Laura asks if he thinks about it being a hollow win when he goes to sleep. Sam: “Do I look like the kind of person to have thoughts as I’m falling asleep?”

Nott’s usage of the pistol’s single shot was pure pettiness. Sam thought Nott had a shot because she’s acrobatic & fast & has some tricks, and he just didn’t want Beau to win. Making loud noises & drawing attention didn’t even cross my mind.

Jester was very proud of Fjord making those strength checks, but she wasn’t surprised. “He’s very strong, even though he looks like he’s not.” Laura thinks it’s funny and poetic that Travis rolled so well after ditching his sword/powers.

Travis has three sets of dice. Liam has a bunch of sets, but they’re all red (says Laura, offended). Laura only used purple dice at the live show because of how she was dressed.

Cosplay of the Week: a great Scanlan cosplay with Ioun’s third eye by @cxptaingrayson.

Sam realizes something that’s been holding back the Nott-Fjord relationship is that Nott has always been a little suspicious of Fjord. Now that he’s “talking like a real weirdo” and is still brave, braver than before, she can trust him more.

Laura’s asked about Jester’s conflict between healing & DPS. Laura: “Do you think Jester asked to be a fucking healer?” When they were deciding their characters, Laura was originally going to be a warlock with the Traveler as her patron; then Travis was like, warlock! What a cool class! Can I have it? And Laura said sure, she’ll be a cleric, that sounds cool. “And now he got rid of his fucking patron! Who knows if he’s going to be a warlock anymore? What a waste of a warlock!” She likes being a cleric--but even from Jester’s very first inception she’s always been a healer who hates healing. Brian: “She’s a battle Mercy.” She’s not regretful she healed Beau; the reason Laura didn’t immediately heal her is that she thought from Matt’s face that the remorhaz was very close to death, closer than it actually was. She confirms Jester is Chaotic Neutral.

Brian tells Laura he texted Travis to tell him Laura accused him of stealing the warlock class. Laura: “YOU DID NOT!” Brian: “You said it on the air!!”

Travis, via text to BWF, apparently in all caps: “I WAS CHANGING RONIN. YES I STOLE WARLOCK.”

Nott’s teasing of a powerless Fjord is 100% just because she thinks it’s funny. Sam: “There’s not really a deep reason to it. They tease each other all the time. Why would that change just because he tossed his sword in the lava?”

Laura needs to do research on other animals she can become since she enjoyed the mammoth (and giant eagle) so much. Sam keeps a list of flying creatures Laura can turn into because Laura struggles looking it up and often keys it into her D&D Beyond app before she’s even started. BWF: “This is uncharacteristically unselfish.” Sam: “Well, Laura is--I love her. Laura is pure harp music and I would do anything for her.”

Their environments are just getting better and better for Nott in terms of how goblins are seen. She’s given up the mask now, but it’s nice to have people look and not scream.

Both Sam & Laura pause to fan over the design of Uthodurn. It’s way cooler than either the Empire or Dynasty to them right now.

Laura points out that Nott has been fairly outgoing lately; it’s been a while since anyone said “you’re a goblin, stone her!” She’s beginning to come out of her shell as she gets used to her body (not that she likes it in any way), but it’s a development from Veth’s original shyness. She’s also drunk a lot; Sam says this will continue until he gets more Laura Bailey speeches.

BWF still has Laura’s copy of Game of Thrones, which he borrowed in 2011. Laura doesn’t listen to books on tape because she likes the inflections in her own head.

Fanart of the Week: a cool grouping of portraits of the M9 by @dylanbydoodles.

They apparently threw an election party after the D&D Beyond President reveal. Sam talks about convincing the Lyft driver on the way back that it was a swinger’s party in the most ridiculous way possible. Poor Indianapolis.

Nott & Veth’s relationship is getting very complicated. Sam says they’re beginning to blend a little together, but he’s now coming to realize there’s a part of Nott deep down that is deeply scared of going back to Veth & losing her rogue abilities, her adventuring; she wants to be herself again for sure, since her body is definitely wrong, but she’s beginning to fear the loss of some of what Nott is now.

BWF sincerely thanks Sam for the effort and thought he puts into his character. Sam sincerely thanks him. It’s a lovely moment.

Jester’s slip about Fjord’s powers was deliberate on Laura’s part but accidental on Jester’s. Everyone’s a little worried about Fjord without powers, even though he proved himself in the remorhaz fight. She thinks the slipup happened because Jester wasn’t on guard--because Fjord had done so well in the fight, she’d forgotten.

So far, Nott’s choice to leave the family behind in Nicodranus is worth it; no one’s died and they’re making headway on their goals.

BWF: “The Mighty Nein: no one’s died-ish.”

Apparently Matt owns the building they’re filming in? I missed part of this and genuinely can’t tell if it’s a joke.

BWF talks about how Liam, Matt, & Travis have all been genuinely mad at him before. Matt and Travis were mad; Liam was just disappointed.

How did Sam lose the election? He doesn’t think it’s because of him or anything he did. He thinks there’s a demographic shift in America; the electoral college hurt him; both he and Liam ran the campaigns they wanted. Liam’s was serious issues & serious passion, while Sam farted around for three months. BWF asked Adam Bradford at D&D Beyond, who’s the General Manager, about the results; apparently the pie chart was VASTLY in favor of Liam with only the tiniest sliver for Sam. Laura thinks it’s because Sam’s done nothing but troll Sam for five years and this was their chance to troll him back. Sam: “To that I say: good job.”

Dani & Max both voted for Sam. Laura didn’t vote. BWF voted for Liam. Chris forgot there was a vote. Zach voted for Liam.

Sam talks about the game they play, the app for D&D Beyond, and how the whole campaign allowed him to shine a spotlight on himself. “I didn’t get as many votes as Liam, but I got a lot of attention.”

Everyone loved this last live show. Laura legit loved wearing her dress; Travis & Liam looked great. Tal looked normal. Brian marvels at his own tattoos. He and Tal went through a lot of ideas before they committed to the bag situation--he sent it to Jaimie Alexander before the show happened so she could vet it. Ha! “Her response was 25 crying emojis and ‘please send this to my boyfriend.’“

Reminder: Mica Burton, Overwatch League host (and daughter of Levar Burton), will be guest-starring on Critical Role this coming Thursday.

And we’re out! Is it Thursday yet?

[grubus]

some snippets I hope to one day turn into actual fics but are, for now, just snippets! Critical Role edition;

What if when Beau and Molly did insight on Caleb after asking if he had/has kids, what if they rolled just as high jokingly asking Nott the same question. AU where Nott is found out early on that she is a mom, but everyone are still convinced it’s a goblin child. Based off of the early episodes of cr, right after the Howling Mines; 

“Well, if Caleb got no kids, what about you Nott?” Beau asks, tipping her chair back, balancing on the back legs of it. The way she says the question is snarky and haha-funny, the way the boys back home used to ask Veth if she really thought anyone would want to kiss her. The way her brothers not so kindly teased her about buttons. Jester’s giggles, Fjord’s sigh, Molly’s snort- of course no one would think Nott has any children. She’s a little goblin girl.

She thinks about Luc and chokes back the affirmation. 

“HAH!” Nott laughs and she fumbles when she puts her mask back on, inches closer to Caleb, the chair too big for her to move the whole thing but it’s alright. They already sat close together. “Me! Kids! Haha, funny. Nope! No kids here!”

Everyone at the table grow still. They stare at her, and yes, maybe Nott laughed too loudly, too shrill. But the mask is back on, so it should be fine. They can only see her eyes like this. It’s fine.

“Nott…” Caleb slowly says, and no, no- “Do you… have a child?”

Female!Fjord AU; cursing

She thinks it would be easier, if she had been born a man. Easier to gain respect- deepen your voice, flex your muscles. Be deserving of it, act like a proper half orc that knows how to be civilized.

It’s harder as a woman. It shouldn’t be, she knows. But pretty women gain respect easier than the ugly ones and, well. Half orcs are never the pretty ones. She tried to file down her tusks and all she did was give herself more scars, and the fucking orphanage wasn’t exactly an ego boost for a scrawny girl with too big ears, too green skin and too big teeth. 

It’s stupid to even try and look pretty. She still does, though. Even if the only job she can get is onboard Vandran’s ship. He mutters about how impractical such long hair is at sea as if he doesn’t have long hair himself, but Fjord just keeps it braided and tucked away and pretends she doesn’t hear. When she crawls back onto land with a strange sword and horror crawling up her throat, she buys a nice cloak. It has little swirling flowers on the hem. 

When she meets Jester who calls her pretty and asks if they can travel together, Fjord doesn’t say no. It’s the first time, after all, that anyone ever called her that.

Besides, Jester is cute. She’s funny. 

And Fjord is lonely.

Female!Caleb AU;

Her hair is longer than she remembers liking, tangled and dirty and more brown than red. She wishes she could grow a beard to hide her face further- but the matted mess is good enough. A bit of dirt helps, too. No one would look at her now and think of Brianna. 

Brianna was clean and proper, with shoulder length hair, patched but neat pants and too many books and a big grin on her face. 

No, she is Caleb like this. And, somehow, Nott never commented too much on the male name that she had picked out by accident, mind catching on a long dead uncle’s memory as she met those goblin eyes in the dark jail. At least Caleb is as far away from Brianna as one can get. It’s actually a bit of a relief, and most people are too polite to do more than blink when she introduces herself. 

She’s Caleb. Brianna…. is put away. It’s not a safe name, anyway. 

When Jester asks to brush her hair, she says no. When Beau offers to cut it, she says no. It’s too dirty, too long, too matted- but it’s fine the way it is. So much safer. 

Nott laughs and smears a bit of dirt onto Caleb’s cheeks, and Caleb smiles back and puts a dot of dirt onto the very tip of Nott’s nose. 

When Nott asks if she can make Caleb a flower crown, she says yes.

[yfere]

M9 Signature Moves! (Out of Combat Edition)

Part 2, with some scattered commentary.

Fjord

Fjord wants to understand other people even if he’s not the best at it. Meanwhile, he’d like to avoid making himself understood. He doesn’t like scrutiny, or vulnerability. Better to step back behind someone else.

Mask of Many Faces. What he says: I like people watching :) What he means: I like imitating other people’s voices and appearances to cope with my many issues :)

Deception Check. The funny thing is, I’m fairly certain Fjord’s talent for deception comes not through dedicated practice or being a habitual liar/obfuscater so much as having deadpan sarcasm levels that are so God Tier that everyone else has to really work at figuring out whether he’s joking or not at any given moment. “Make a deception check,” Matt says, when Fjord is literally just making a shitty sarcastic joke. The party routinely giving him Doubtful Looks until he has to explain that he really was just joking, he didn’t mean that, why would you think he meant that. Likes to joke sometimes to avoid more uncomfortable emotions. It’s important to him, to keep it together.

Gift of the Depths Magic that helped him cope with the drowning thing. Erroneously assumes it will also help other people cope with their water issues as well.

Help Action The beautiful thing about Fjord, I think, is that oftentimes he will not lead in any particular task. Even the ones where technically, they would benefit by him leading! What he does instead, routinely, is pick someone else for the task, someone better than him (Caleb for history and investigation, Caduceus for insight, Jester and Beau for perception and so on) or even just a person who wants to do it, and he will help them with that task, or at the very least make sure they get help. And his help is always a useful thing to have. It helps him, too, to step back, to get out of the glare of the spotlight.

Beau

Beau is curious, she is intelligent, and she is talented. But as much as she postures, she’s not really as confident in her abilities as she should be by rights.

Extort Truth Don’t. Lie. To. Me. How Beau wants to know things, wants to know them so badly she will go after secrets with the bluntest of instruments, something painfully obvious—and it will work for her. It works when she punches the truth out of people, just as  it works when she threatens not to let you into her library unless you tell her of your sordid past.

Persuasion Check Don’t. Lie. To. Me….please? No, but it’s brilliant how the party relies on her to handle their most fraught social encounters, even though she’s not the most charismatic, even though she’s personally better at lying than telling the truth. Because, despite everything, she’s the most trustworthy of all of them. They believe in her, rely on her, and they should.

History Check Beau might claim she’s more interested in the doodles of the margins of the books she read at the Cobalt Soul than the texts themselves, but at least part of that is posturing. She’s a big nerd who has done a lot of studying of some obscure shit, and she’s always looking around her to see if any of the fuckery they encounter matches up with one of those shitty lessons she had at the monastery. She pays attention, okay?

Acrobatics Check “I parkour.” It’s gotten to the point where she does not actually need to make skill checks to do her parkour magic. Still, nothing beats running your way out of a literal pit.

Caleb

What Caleb says and what he does are two very different things. Maybe once you take all his spell components away, he’ll actually be forced to use language to express how he feels. But who are we kidding. He’ll start muttering in Zemnian and you’ll be right back where you started with him.

Leomund’s Tiny Hut As with much of Caleb’s magic, a love letter to his special people. Says all the things he refuses to. Developed in an obsessive fervor while his friends were kidnapped, and unveiled when they were rescued so no one would be taken in the night again. Someday, he will make them something even better. He believes in a future where he will make them something even better.

Identify Demonstrating succinctly a lot of what makes Caleb a lovely and generous person, and also what makes him a bit of a secret-hoarding asshole. Because he likes doing favors for people, and showering them with gifts, and when you’re poor the gift lies in the identify and the giving, even when technically the item you were giving away was communal property in the first place. But also, when Caleb wants something because he thinks it’s fair for him to have as it was fair for the others to have their things, he will learn what it is, and he will keep it without a word. Jerk! Explain exactly what it is so we can keep the illusion that this is a fair process you’ve set up!

Find Familiar Caleb really loves Frumpkin, and Frumpkin is supposed to be a cat, and supposed to be with him, getting pet. But if Frumpkin has to be something else because you need him to be, he will. If Frumpkin has to scope out enemy territory for you to be safe, so be it. Frumpkin will be your landing pad, he will be the trade that will let a caged creature go free, he will sit in your pocket as a replacement owl, he will sit in the rain in the dark and watch over you while you sleep.

Suggestion Sometimes Caleb doesn’t want to leave things up to chance. Deep down, he doesn’t really trust people, so when he’s uncertain or threatened he’ll substitute persuasion and insight to force someone to do what he needs them to do. Tell us the truth about who you are. Show me any dangerous items you have on your person. Go with us into the water, so you are not left behind.

Nott

Nott wants to go back to being Veth, but in some ways she’s really living her best life right now, causing trouble and learning how to cause trouble doing things she never knew how to do before.

Message She can talk to who she pleases, but she and Caleb get their own private line, where no one else is invited “You can reply to this message, and only I can hear your reply.” One of their first spells together, the beginning of Nott the Brave, the Arcane Trickster.

Disguise Self Nott wants to feel comfortable in her own skin. And she doesn’t feel it with the spell, she feels just the same, but she looks the way she is supposed to, and that’s a step. A painful step, when the son she hugs can feel the wrongness of her through the illusion even as she clings to him.

Tinker Check/Alchemist’s Supplies Nott is nothing if not a smart cookie, creative, and reckless as fuck. She will mess with chemicals and she will mess with acid and she will mess with gunpowder—all things which feature centrally in special moves that never quite go as planned like Fireline and Fluffernutter. She will blow things up—sometimes herself. But that’s the joy of a creative mind, really.

Mage Hand Why disable the trap when you can just set it off at a distance? Explosions are more fun to watch than not-explosions, after all. Also makes you look like a cool motherfucker when you’re in a drinking contest.

Jester

Art, heart, and imagination...that is Jester. What she does is more than just pranks and troublemaking, though--her skills are integral to solving any goal put forward by the M9. And what of her own goals? Time will tell.

Sending Caleb might be good enough with his polymorphs to turn people into other people, but Jester, her art, and her imagination give her an edge in another spell. All you have to do is describe a person to her, good enough for her to do a real nice police sketch, to imagine what the person is like. And she’ll be able to cast a spell that will communicate with them anywhere, even though she’s never laid eyes on them before. A hard spell to wrangle for a natural chatterbox, maybe, but her sheer talent you cannot deny.

Zone of Truth She’s too good of an investigator to really need it for interrogation, or believe it when she does use it for detective work. Zone of Truth, Jester believes, can only be truly relied on when paired with the sacrosanct tradition of Truth or Dare.

Locate Object Woooooow, so she was the only one not to get robbed, huh? Guess who is the most responsible person with money after all? Jester is always looking for things important to other people, whether it be lost coinpurses, seals, or those creepy cloven orbs that Fjord keeps sticking into his body. “Oh, he’s going to be so upset!” she despairs, when she can’t find it. But then she picks up where the key has gone, and lights up with joy. She looks for what’s important to others, before ever looking for what’s important to her (because once you stop stop looking it will hit you in the face)

Forgery Kit The pen is mightier than the sword! At nigh every stage of her adventure with the M9, it has been her immaculate paper trail that has enabled them to accomplish their goals and not end up rotting behind bars. Pulled off some amazing government reshuffling, too. I would fear her as a diplomat.

Caduceus

Caduceus has very set ideas about how the world works, but sometimes his lack of experience with the outside world causes him real problems. He isn’t worried, though.

Insight Check Caduceus is a person Fjord believes with some justification to be a kind of mind reader. He certainly has pretty god-like powers here, and he is both a benevolent god and just. He senses sugar off of you, he will bring you a veggie platter. He senses guilt, he will release you from prison against your will so you can face your wrongdoings in the world. Caduceus knows best--at least Caduceus thinks so.

Divination When Caduceus finds out you have family you’re searching for, he will invoke Melora’s aid to find out if they’re safe out there, or what direction they're headed in so you can save them. Caduceus, aren’t you wondering what happened to your own family? No, he’s not going to cast a spell for that, it’s best if he didn’t question…

Create Food and Water Above all else, Caduceus wants the people he cares about to be eating well. Do his non-vegetarian, pocket-bacon loving friends agree with him on what eating well is? Is the beanpole skinny-ass firbolg eating well himself? Ummmmm…

Nature Check he doesn’t know what that is or how it works, but it sure is pretty. When you think about it, everything is just more territory. Nature is nature no matter where you go. Sure, that man-eating seaweed seems a bit odd, as does the enormous murderous bird.  But when you think about it, can you really be surprised by it?

Yasha

Yasha struggles a lot--with grief, with getting close to people. But in her strange, standoffish way, she is always there when it counts. And she’ll always be there, for her entire life and beyond. She has that kind of loyalty, that kind of drive.

Investigation Check She looks for flowers, and special things, in out of the way places, and keeps them in her book.

Strength Check These arms are worth a lot! A check tailor made for impressing people at circuses, winning arm wrestling competitions, and for chasing tail while saving your friends.

Dexterity Check You can shave your friend with your greatsword. That’s how you keep your legs so smooth and shiny, after all.

Necrotic Shroud It happened again.