#vesemir witcher

[mayasooong]

A commission of Vesemir and their OC 🥺🥺

Commissions are open if you want me to draw things for you guys (limited slots) ❤️

[dandeliont3aandsageleaves]

Fic idea where Jaskier is a fae who keeps breaking into Kaer Morhen despite everyone's best efforts.

He doesn't want to hurt any of them (obviously), he just thinks the Witchers are cool and wants to shower them with affection. So he breaks in every winter and brings them food and helps fix up the keep and makes sure they're okay and sings them songs.

The Witchers are understandably very upset and freaked out by this random fae breaking into their home every winter. They spend so long trying to ward the keep against him, they try chasing Jaskier away, there are multiple attempts on his life. Jaskier just laughs and boops them on the nose before fluttering away. They end up reluctantly accepting him like one of those wild foxes trying to domesticate themselves.

Jaskier then starts kidnapping leading other Witchers to Kaer Morhen and the keep eventually fills up with very confused, very grumpy Witchers and a very satisfied fae who's happy with his collection.

[roskuil]

Vesemir's first day ☀

Previous

[blooms-in-april]

Jaskier: So your brother Eskel takes the route through the Blue Mountains and your brother Lambert blows things up around Novigrad, but what does your dear father do?

Geralt: Vesemir? Nothing. He stays at the keep. Fixes walls.

Jaskier: Geralt, my dear, be serious. There's no way any relation of yours can stay out of mischief for long. You're telling me a Witcher stays cooped up in that castle, sweeping floors, cooking meals, and dusting like a sweet little housewife?

Geralt: *grunts angrily*

Jaskier, laughing: Geralt, I guarantee your dear father is growing weed and getting fucked whenever you children aren't home.

Geralt: *scarred silence* That's not true.

Vesemir, at that exact moment in Kaer Morhen: Fucking come on, Guxart. Put your back into it!

[artistsfuneral]

Weirdly enough it is Geralt who needs to convince Jaskier to join him in Kaer Morhen for the Winter. He had always assumed the bard would be delighted to come, but it takes several years for Jaskier to finally follow his witcher.

Like always, Vesemir stands in the courtyard of the fallen keep and stoically awaits the newcommers. But the moment Jaskier removes the hood from his face, the old witcher stumbles. His eyes widen and he gasps, hands blindly reaching for the bard as he stutters out, "Father?" And Jaskier smiles softly, warmly at the old man, places his hand gently on top of his head and says, "Hello, munchkin."

[help-help-i-need-an-adult]

Kaer Moron Breakfast Cereal:

Vesemir’s favorite cereal is Raisin Bran. You know why.

Eskel’s doesn’t have a favorite cereal but will have a bowl of whatever is available to achieve a balanced breakfast.

Geralt’s favorite cereal is Shredded Wheat because it looks like hay bales and he likes pretending he’s a horse.

Lambert’s favorite cereal is Reese’s Puffs because they look like bombs and he loves peanut butter.

Aiden’s favorite cereal is Life because he likes to fill the box with lemons when he’s done with it and leave it to prank Eskel.

Ciri’s favorite cereal is Lucky Charms because she likes marshmallows.

Yen makes ice coffee and claims it counts because the ice is the cereal, and it has milk and sugar like cereal. Jaskier will make it for her in a bowl any chance he can get to subtly call her out on it. She just picks up the bowl and carries on like it’s normal.

Jaskier’s favorite cereal is Frosted Flakes because Tony the Tiger is hot.

@0dde11eth @everything-but-the-not-natural

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Lambert: I think Geralt should be celibate from now on

Vesemir: Why are you concerned about Geralt's sex life?

Lambert: He's a crazy magnet. Wanting Geralt is a red flag. Name one person he's slept with who isn't nuts

Eskel: Jaskier?

Lambert: Look me in my eyes and tell me that little grackle wouldn't commit regicide if he thought he could get away with it

[deannamb]

This has been sitting in my brain for too long…

Teen wolves are back

[dudelkin]

The most important skill for a witcher!!!

[0dde11eth]

Poor vesemir, he tries to give his pups life lessons beyond being a witcher, but this is the kaer MORONS we are talking about. The following occurs when they are all trying to make dinner one evening.

Papa vesemir: ok boys familiarize yourself with the spices, these can make walking the path a little nicer, as you can look forward to a delicious meal at the end of a rough day

So they go over to the spice rack to read the labels.

Eskel: basil, oregano, cilantro (yuck), coriander, thyme, paprika...

Geralt: hmm, ground pepper, sounds spicy. Hmm, not sure I like the sound of garlic, seems spicier...

Lambert: cinnamon, nutmeg. Cum? DRIED CUM!?!?!

Eskel: what?? Cum?? Is this a prank??

Geralt: did jaskier put you up to this??

Lambert: I'm not fucking eating dried cum!!!

Papa vesemir: Its CUMIN YOU IDIOTS. that's it! Everyone out of my kitchen and go run the walls, everyones getting plain boiled potatoes for the rest of the week!

Geralt: yay! Finally some good food!

Papa Vesemir: OUT!!!

Jaskier (in the background): *dumping a mouthful of the dried "cum" in his mouth and then gagging* that's NOT CUM!

Papa vesemir: *internally* I bet guxart doesn't have this problem with the cat witchers

*** across the continent at the cat caravan***

Aiden: *gagging* that's NOT CUM!

Guxart: *internally* I bet vesemir doesn't have this problem with the wolf witchers

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 71

The other witchers at Kaer Morhen have always grown tired of Geralt's random moodswings and bouts of gloom and grumpiness during the winter. He'd be happy and carefree, safe in his home, and then some dark thought would crest in his mind, and for a few days straight, he'd be in a horrible mood. When one year he brings his bard with him, they realize the moodswings have disappeared completely. That is, until Jaskier starts trying to "bond" with them all and spends less time with Geralt. Then all of a sudden the snarls and snaps from Geralt are back. One day, Lambert gets tired of Geralt's sass, and shoves Jaskier at him, and they're all amazed when Geralt loses his bad mood and instead chooses to carry his bard off to cuddle in front of the fireplace. Nuzzling him and purring the whole time. Thus commences a new rule of Kaer Morhen. If you spot Geralt being pissy, you chuck the bard at him. Jaskier has been taken away from a meal, a game of gwent, his chores, his bed while asleep, and one especially embarrassing time he was taken from a bath. Jaskier is quite alright with the new rule, as it always ends in deligthtful Geralt cuddles, but sometimes he wishes Geralt would just find Jaskier instead of moping when he misses him.

[scrambleddragonegg]

cat! jaskier who was at the witcher tournament but got cursed human by a mage and finally makes it to kaer morhen only for vesemir to recognize him (he was hiding with geralt so when guxart and vesemir got out of jail he met the old wolf) and be so pleased that one of guxart’s kits are still alive (other than aiden) and jaskier just melts into a puddle right there and then because finally someone recognized him again since even his own brothers and sisters didn’t (they would have, he was scared)

vesemir: you’ve grown quite a bit since the tournament, kit

jaskier: *unintelligible whining*

geralt: *confused pikachu face*

geralt: wait JULIAN?

jaskier: it’s almost like i introduced myself that way???

lambert: so we’ve all got cats except for eskel, huh?

vesemir: *grumbles*

eskel: AND I’M OKAY WITH THAT I’VE HEART THE STORIES

aiden: you’re alive??? YOU BASTARD?!

jaskier: *jazz hands while he dodges throwing knives*

ciri: wait so you’re a witcher?!

jaskier: i mean… not really anymore?

vesemir: yes, he’s a witcher. he’s always been like this, so i’m not surprised he ended up a bard too

ciri: both my dads are witchers?!?!

geralt: *spits out his drink*

jaskier: cirilla, i’m not—

ciri: tell me you’re not my dad, i DARE you

jaskier: you’re worse than aiden how is this possible

aiden: so i hear i’m your brother now!

ciri: *accepting that she made the family tree wonky by forcibly adopting jaskier* but you’re also my uncle since you and lambert are together

jaskier: wait then is lambert my son-in-law AND my brother-in-law?

yenn: that was the case before ciri made you her other father, but yes

ciri: *about to drop the biggest bomb on them* thanks for agreeing, mom!

yenn:

jaskier:

geralt:

jaskier: well, you were my wife before geralt was my partner

yenn: that’s a lie and you know it

jaskier: he barely tolerated me and you know it

yenn: he loved you before the djinn he’s just an idiot!

geralt: *watching them bicker* why???

ciri: i learned to cause chaos from my brother-in-law!

vesemir: you were raised by calanthe, this has been in you the entire time

ciri: but i didn’t think grandfathers were supposed to tell ALL of my secrets!

vesemir: *nearly tearing up* after raising this lot you have none, child

[roskuil]

Related to this.

[ladycibia]

Love to see that you're back! I hope you're doing well ❤️

Thank you! ❤️ I'm keeping myself busy with Wild Hunt, I can finally replay it! It's been a week and I'm still in White Orchard though...

[artistsfuneral]

[A recording of a privat Emergency Hotline]

"Kaer Morhen Monster Processing, Vesemir speaking."

"My name is Lambert Hendriks. I need someone to kill monsters for me."

"Listen, kid, this is not a joke number. I'm not responsible for whatever laundry heap is casting shadows in your room. Where are your parents?"

"I'm not stupid. There's actual monsters in our house."

"Boy, this-"

"My father killed my Momma three days ago. He ran away after that and left the door open. She's starting to smell and it made monsters come inside. My father has a rifle but I'm locked into my room and my last lock pick broke, so I can't get it by myself."

[a pause, the sound of shuffling]

"Where do you live, kid?"

"He took us to a cabin in the woods. Near the Griffin Reservoir. I remember a road sign with a really big dick graffiti on it. We drove into the woods right after we passed it."

"Alright kid, that's good, I'm fairly close by. Think you can hold out a couple of hours?"

"I guess so. They're clawing at the door, but I pushed my drawers in front of it. I don't have any money, but-"

"Don't worry about that, kid."

"But it's important! Witchers get paid for killing monsters. I don't have money, but my father stole something before he got into the fight with Momma, so you can have that. Law of surprise, right? Whatever you see first, you can have it."

"Okay. Alright. We'll do that. I'll be there soon."

[End of the Recording]

(not seen in this, Vesemir having to enter the house through a window and the first thing he sees is Lambert, locked up in a tiny room, chained to his bed, with a kitchen knife in hand)

[fangirlforeversthings]

Would these characters help you k*ill a spider?

Part 1

The witcher 3