#very gender! the only thing i was worried about with it was if id feel too feminine with it and im happy to report that i do not!

[qazastra]

two weeks ago i got the best haircut of my life i love it i feel so happy when i see it it's awesome good and great yay #joyposting

[entwnii]

𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐎 𝐓𝐄𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐎 is a very busy man. being a sport promoter is a hard-working job in terms of schedule — having to find various endearing sport events and sponsors who will agree to take part and finance these social event — which consumes a lot of time and humain energy.

and while tetsuro is grateful for the way you support and understand that his work takes a lot of him he still feels guilty for leaving you alone most of the time — especially now that you’re six months pregnant with his son.

over the last couple of weeks your husband and his coworkers started working on a very special sporting event, the ‘FIVB Beach Volleyball World Championships’, the double-gender world championship of beach volleyball. despite this championship being in a bit more than a year it is by far the most important worldwide volleyball event happening in the following year.

which is why testuro has been working harder during the last few days, his schedule being filled with meetings to discuss with a bunch of different sponsors — on who gets to sponsor what.

so when tetsuro finds himself having a ten minutes break between two meeting he immediatly turns on his phone, checking for any texts or missed calls from you — to which he does find a few texts.

wifey ♡ babe babyyy testsuro !! pls reply as soon as you can :(

tetsu •ᴗ• sweetheart is everything okay  ? are you hurt ? fuck did you burn the house down ? wifey ♡ babyyyy yuh uh everything is fine !! and i only burnt homemade caramel once :( i just can’t write it over text… call me !!!

the raven-haired man stands up from his seat, excusing himself as he pushes the nearest door open with one hand, the fingers of his free hand swiftly tapping over his phone’s screen as he clicks on your contact id — dialing your number. he then places his phone over his ear, leaning his back against the wall behind him as he waits for you to pick up the phone.

as soon as tetsuro hears some shuffle from the other line of his phone he speaks up, not even letting you greet him properly. “sweetie, is there a problem ?” his tone is worried as he waits for your answer, hoping that everything is fine — that you’re alright.

“tetsu—” you start before letting out a laugh, which kinda helps your husband calm down for a bit. “i told you that everything is fine, you don’t have to worry”

on the other end of the phone you can’t help but smile at your husband’s worry for you, which doesn’t fail to make you remember how much he cares about — something that only increased as soon as the first symptoms of your pregnancy appeared. “what is it then ?” tetsuro’s booming voice immediatly brings you back to earth. “it’s just. . . i have a brilliant idea !” you joyfully tell him. the raven-haired man pauses at your exclamation, searching for any guesses of what that idea might be. . . until a grin appears on his face as he finally comes to realization. “is it another wild craving of yours, princess ?” he lets out a chuckle at your answer, laughing to himself as he hears you sigh from the other line of his phone. “my cravings aren’t weird !” you protest, the pout on your lips evident in your tone, which makes your husband’s grin even wider. “so, i’m craving nachos—” you say before the raven-haired man cuts your sentence mid-way. “oh, from which place do you want it babe ? i can get it delivered at home—”

“no ! i want sweet nachos.” you state, a huff leaving your lips.

your husband stands there, a dumbfounded expression written all over his face as he stares ahead of himself, his brain malfunctioning due to your words. any of his coworkers who would pass by would think that something is wrong with him, like he just heard one of the dumbest things on earth — which he kinda did. “sweet nachos— angel that’s not even a thing !”

“but it is a thing since i just invented it !" you exclaim, your voice full of confidence — as if you didn’t imagine the weirdest ‘dish’ in the whole word. "the base is made of chips — not any kind tho, only the original pringles — with a bunch of m&m’s, reese’s, chocolate syrup and whipped cream.” you say, taking the time to explain this whole snack of yours in details. "whipped cream as to be on top of the chips and in a small cup on the side, okay ?"

tetsuro licks his lips as he notes all of the needed ingredients in his minds, shrugging his shoulders before realizing that you can’t see him and speaking up. "yeah, sure. do i need to stop by the grocery store to get the ingredients or nah ?" he asks, which you answer with a simple ‘yes’. He hangs up the phone a few seconds later — after kissing you goodbye through the phone of course — and steps back inside the building for his last meeting of the day.

when your husband finally exits his work building — by 8:45pm exactly — he walks to his car, a white Mercedes-Benz CLE 200 Cabriolet. he opens the front door for himself, dropping all of his papers on the passenger seat next to him. he turns on his car, pressing on a button — making the roof of the convertible disappear inside of the trunk.

after about twenty minutes — and a stop at the grocery store — tetsuro finally parks his car in front of your shared house. he steps out of the car, a brown paper bag in one hand and his stack of papers in the other, a sigh leaving his lips as he pushes onto the front door’s handle, entering your residence.

“i’m home, sweetheart !” your husband calls out to you, taking his shoes off and walking towards the living room.

he smiles as he sees you laying on the couch, your head propped on one of your arms as you watch ‘from up on poppy hill’. he chuckles softly at the sight in front of him, placing his papers on the coffee table and bending over to get a proper look at your face. you glance up at his face when you finally notice his presence. you immediatly lift you head off your arm, a smile making it’s way on your lips as you sit up on the couch, puckering your lips for the raven-haired man to kiss you, which he glady does.

“how was work, baby ?” you ask him, looking up at him while slightly tilting your head to the side. “there’s a some oyakodon and rice in the kitchen that you can heat up in the microwave and the pan.”

“god, princess, i’m gonna wife you up again. . .” tetsuro mutters, resting his forehead against yours before placing a tender kiss on your lips.

he breaks up the kiss and stands up, affectionately flickering your forehead before walking back to the kitchen, turning the lights on. tetsuro notices the bowl of rice on the counter and grabs it, placing it next to the pan. he tears a bit of paper towel with his fingers, damping it with some water before placing it over the bowl. he turns on the microvage, putting the rice to reheat. your husband smiles when he sees the oyakodon heating in the pan on low heat before turning it higher.

he sighs, rolling up the sleeves of his white shirt onto his biceps before turning to the paper bag with the groceries he did ealier. once all of your craving’s ingredients are — finally — placed in front of him, tetsuro can start preparing your snack.

he opens the tub of unflavored pringles before placing some chips onto a plate, some whipped cream on top along with chocolate syrup before scattering m&m’s and reese’s on top of everything. he grabs a small cup, pouring some whipped cream inside.

when the time alarm goes off your husband opens the microwage, carefully grabing the rice cowl — without burning himself — before taking the damp paper off the top of the bowl. He moves the pan off the heat, pouring the runny mixture on top of the white rice that he garnishes with green onion, sesame seeds and a bit of togarashi.

in a swift move tetsuro snatches a pair of chopsticks, placing them between his fingers before grabbing both his bowl and your plate, tuning the lights off before walking towards the living room.

“here you go, sweetheart.” he tells you, handing you your plate while you thank him, your bright smile making your eyes squint and your head tilt.

you slide off the couch, now sitting on the floor as you place a pillow under your ass and behind your back, putting your plate on the coffee table in front of you. tetsuro slips down on the floor next to you, slightly bending his upper-body above the table, gathering some of his food between his chopsticks and taking a bite out of it.

you squeal as you takes one of the chips between your fingers, shoving it inside of your mouth. you can’t help the sigh of contentement leaving your lips at the salty and sweet taste you’ve been craving all day. You take another one, doing a small dance of happiness.

“i gotta say, princess, your food taste was already strange, but now ?” tetsuro says, whistling, only for you to slap the back of his head, a huff leaving your lips as a pout tugs at your lips, only for it to be wiped away by your husband’s lips on yours, to which you gladly kiss him back.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

I'm 30 and I started T at 28. My voice has not dropped AT ALL. Like it did that nasally thing for a hot minute, and I had voice cracks, but overall it feels like it only took away my higher register that used to let me sing like a Disney princess. Its driving me insane because I work a phone job (I'm a claims adjuster for an insurance company) and I get misgendered all day long because of my voice. Its starting to feel like maybe surgery is the only option for me which I find very intimidating. Was it like this for you, or did you find your voice dropped pretty quickly? It feels like most people online talk about having a voice change in 6 months, and now that I'm at 2 years I'm worried it will never happen.

I gained some resonance and a pitch drop, but not a very big one. I avoided the teenager voice, but I think that is also because I speak with a soft chest voice, instead of a head voice, which can exacerbate this vocal quality.

My voice did continue to mellow until about year 5. I settled when I regained the ability to sing some falsetto. I have heard anecdotes of voices changing further after hystos, but I haven't had one yet (maybe next year).

Adding here, since I forgot: yes, vocal training is still worth looking into from someone who is a professional. Speech patterns like "upspeak" are highly gendered, and changing yours can help with vocal ID, plus get you out of a head voice if you are stuck there.

That said, my vocal dysphoria is pretty bad and I've been looking at my options. Surgery also intimidates me, because I am a professional musician and worry about never being able to play again because my instrument (oboe) is super high pressure. But as I consider retirement from playing, surgery is becoming a more attractive risk to take on. If I go that route, I'll spin off a side blog, like I did when I had top surgery.

Take care, I definitely feel you on this one.

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[ceasarslegion]

I have a TSA question. I go on a flight in a few days and I was planning on wearing my packer. Yay or nay? Like will it cause anything to flag me like with sweatpants and stuff?

It depends on what line you go through. I personally wouldnt recommend wearing it in the security line just in case you end up at the body scanner (which is more likely if you dont have a reason to get into the priority disability line) but i recommend instead putting it in your bag and then putting it back on in the washroom after you get through.

The reason the body scanner doesnt like items like binders and packers is because of how the technology works. We arent trying to target trans people (like all those conspiracy theories claim), its just a case of technology being fussy in the way its designed.

The way it works is that it takes the radio waves that are already in the background radiation of the universe and points them all at you. They penetrate clothes but bounce off skin, and anything unusual that isnt usually on a human being of any gender/sex pops up on a generic stick figure as a yellow box that we have to pat down. It knows what all sets and combinations of genitals and breast tissue are, that is not an issue. It doesnt like packers because to tech like that it detects a big dense mass of matter it can pass through before it hits your skin with packers, and a big dense strapped on blob squished very tightly against your chest with binders. That doesnt make radio waves very happy. Thats why those two things alarm, we arent targeting trans passengers (not directed at you, just in general at the shit ive seen people say about my job). If youre still not convinced, well... we dont want to touch strangers' crotches all day either. We dont get paid enough for that straight up.

And if youre worried about the officer on x ray who sees whats in your bag, dont be. We see so many sex toys, dildos, penis molds, vibrators, butt plugs, everything under the sun related to genitals every single day. And if we're on x ray we have no idea what bag is which passenger's. I almost guarantee they will be totally unfazed by it and forget about it the moment they get the next bag. The only time id be worried about it getting pulled is if you got a new guy who hasnt seen enough yet. And even if your bag does get pulled, they will forget about it the moment you leave. We process thousands of people every single day, see thousands of images, search thousands of bags, we all have occupational face blindness unless you give us a reason to remember your face (which a packer in a bag is not going to be one. We have all had the rite of passage of either marking a dildo on our first week or searching a bag because a newbie marked a dildo and now we HAVE to look at it. Dude please look at the shape 😭)

Hopefully that answers your question and makes you feel a bit more reassured!

[luvtonys]

Soft! Thor Headcanons

Thank you @enchanthings for the dividers

*Mostly gender neutral with only a mention of starting a family*

✰ミ★𐬾༄

To start off I think Thor is definitely the person to have PTSD especially when it comes to you since he’s lost so many people time and time again so losing you would be the death to his heart. So because of that he always makes sure to know where you are whether it’s New York, New Asgard, or anywhere else on earth since he doesn’t want you around the solar system.

He’s definitely asked Hemidall to keep an eye on you before and check up on you once in a while especially since he knows the best way to get to him is through you so he worries and has nightmares that some being may come and snatch you from him.

Thor always tries his best to be around you and spend time with you as he wants to be there for you and for you to see him as more than just the God of Thunder so not only does he show you his true goofy self he always shows you a bit of his emotional and mental self but tries to not show it too much as he doesn’t want you worrying about him like he worries about you.

Being the big doofus he his you often have to explain things to him in a more simple way. He shows off his strength and charm to you very often it could be lifting something like a couch or back of waters for you or carrying your groceries/ shopping bags but whatever you need of him he’s sure to deliver.

He’s a huge softie and can’t stay mad at you longer than a minute as his heart tends to grow just at the sight of you. Thor loves to just hang with you it could be cuddling or doing activities together. He’s a pretty good listener and is very good at being engaged in your rants as he enjoys everything that centers around you.

He says cheesy but loving little phrases to you sometimes like “Id part heaven and earth for you” and will often just stare into your eyes with a soft smile and no thoughts but you and your face. I think he’d be a pretty simple sweets person like ice cream, cake, and candy. He loves to explore things on earth with you like holidays and celebrations.

Loves the idea of Valentine’s day and always go all out with gifts and surprises like instead of getting you a regular chocolate heart he’s probably give you a supersized heard made of gold from Asgard with chocolates inside. He’d be the type to hand feed you things like grapes and bites of your cake.

He loves chocolate strawberries and likes to hand feed those to you as well. He’s a big cuddler like big time all he wants to do sometimes especially on days he doesn’t have anything planned is snuggle into you or you snuggle into him as both warm his heart but the latter makes him feel like a big and strong protector for you.

Like’s praise from you it could be little things or big things but as long as it’s you he’s down bad for whatever you say. I feel like it’s a big simp and always ready to kiss your hand or be by your side and is very good at giving. He’s thought about starting a family with you but doesn’t wanna rush into anything or have a child and they get taken away from him.

Overall Thor adores you and everything he pushes through he uses you for motivation and looks to you for love and comfort. He also loves to be embraced by you even if it’s just holding hands or full on hugging and blushes pretty easily but doesn’t always wanna admit it.

He tries to keep a tough guy personality running even though he’s a golden retriever towards you I’m talking non stop smiling and talking in the sweetest voice with the brightest light shining in his eyes when he looks at you. Hes also at your beck and call especially when you need comfort or someone to talk to/lean on.

Please don’t reblog my works 🎀

[fanfic-the-wish-your-heart-makes]

Nygmobblepot x Reader Jealousy Over the Reader's Ex Wanting Them Back (Headcanons)

@i-smoke-chapstick requested: absolutely ADORE your writing <3 if requests are still open id love to see some poly!nygmobblepot x reader jealousy headcanons? maybe just how these two deal with readers ex coming back for them 😂 take your time! Reader: gender-neutral (no pronouns) for both the reader and the ex Warnings: the love-interests having thoughts of murder & non-specified torture of the reader's ex, spoilers for what positions they're in in season 3 episode 5

•You're at an event with them, a gathering with people of various social classes, including your ex for some reason •Your boyfriends haven't outed you as their official date of course, that would be too dangerous with Oswald in such a high position, two positions, if you count his illegal business •He and Ed regret you being single in the eye of the public however, when they find out that your ex is there - before even knowing that the ex wants you back •Actually, just seeing you with someone else incites jealousy in both, knowing your past relationship or not

•Then they hear the ex bringing up your previous relationship and "how much they regret things not having worked the first time". •"First time"? More like last time!

•Forget Ed's "Love is about sacrifice, it's about putting someone else's needs before your own". He's a huge hypocrite. Yes, he'd sacrifice things for you, but he won't let you sacrifice even a little of your own happiness to make your ex feel better. Is that because he's jealous? Partly yes. A bigger part of it 🤫

•With Oswald, it depends on how much Ed and you have expressed that you dislike jealousy, cause he'll reign it in if it prevents you from being sad or angry at him, and keep the murder fantasies to a minimum...

•...unlike Ed. He'll see you talking with your ex and picture himself walking over to plunge a knife into the offending person's chest. His imagination can be rather vivid 💀. •Oswald has to shake him out of the fantasy, feeling rather lonely by now •Ed sees Oswald's worry and jumps into action: •He walks over to you and introduces your boyfriend to your ex, aiming to make a professional impression •With Oswald possibly still being more shaken, Ed does the talking, mentioning many a great deed of them while testing the stranger's knowledge •He does this using riddles that neither you nor Oswald can answer •To be honest, this makes Ozzie pretty insecure. He knows that Ed is showing off & using extra difficult questions but the ex forensic science technician looks at you as if only the people who know the answer were worthy of your love

•Oswald is quick to drag you away, not even giving your ex an explanation. He's a feared man, he doesn't need to justify himself. •Away from the party guests, Ozzie pads you down to look for harm •Ed asks whether you want them to take care of "the problem" •Both are very eager to make propositions about what they could do to your ex •They can get pretty graphic •Oswald could describe torture and Ed would admire him with heart eyes 😍😂

•After their initial rambling, your partners listen very closely to what you have to say •If the ex was abusive or is creeping you out...well, Owald slowly starts to smile rather innocently and is soon joined by Ed 🙃😂

•Until you know what you want to be done with your ex, Oswald's henchmen can always deal with the unwanted guest •Oswald can make use of his mayor security for you •They'll definitely do a background check, just to be sure. This is Gotham, they can't trust just about anyone, good taste or not 😉

•Now Ed is freaking out about the chances of you still being interested in your ex, even without having heard what you've got to say about it •Oswald is a little calmer and musters up the courage to ask about your feelings

•If you tell them that you still find your ex attractive, they're heartbroken. Two smart men reduced to sad kicked puppies. What did they do wrong?! Or what did your ex do so right? Can they do something? Anything? They'd worry about it a lot

•If you say that you "just" like your ex as a friend, they're still agitated •They probably both propose to out themselves as your boyfriend, only to follow it up with promising not to for your safety

•Unfortunately, the event must continue and so your ex talks to you again, much to your boyfriends' misery •They're very protective of each other and would normally offer to kill whoever's upsetting the other in a heartbeat •Now they just throw each other worried glances and direct glares at your ex together

•When the event is over - naturally or after a word from the mayor - you're quickly whisked away by them •Once alone with you, they're less agited •Perhaps you want to share your true hatred for your ex now? Or tell them what you love about them? Please 😢 •They need it

•After some time Ed calms down, not having Oswald's reflexes to analyze people's every micro expression •He'll show you why you should stay with him

Let's just say I wouldn't say no to making a one-shot with this topic in the future - because Ozzie definitely takes longer to be assured ;)

Author's note: Wow, those headcanons got quite long 😄🤗 Y'all let me know what you think :)

[seraphmaws]

(feel free to help with flag id, I don’t feel well enough to make them rn)

Neoidyn

A alternative term for Xenoidenity, Neoidyn is the same concept of xenogender, but rather than something relating to your gender, it applies to your identity. It can apply to your whole identity or only parts of it (which can include gender). Neoidyn can be used along side of xenos and is NOT anti-xenogender. Any gender can double as a Neoidyn (Examples, Catgender can be Catneoid, Boything can be used as a Neoidyn, and so forth). Neoidyn can be used by anyone and can be altered to fit one’s experience.

This is not a replacement for xenogenders, but rather a counterpart. More information under cut

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Here it is!! Ive had a fascination with xenogenders for years now and i’ve connected with many of them. However, i never could connect to them on a gender level, but rather on an identity level. The term xenoidenity seemed like the perfect term for me, though unfortunately, everything i’ve read about it claims it is meant to be inherently anti-xenogender. I never felt comfortable going ahead with using the term as i am pro-xenogender and firmly believe that one should identify as whatever makes them comfortable with themselves (as long as it’s not harmful *coughcough*radqueers*coughcough*). But there was a lot of confusion with the term as i saw a lot of back and forth between pro-xeno people reclaiming the term and anti-xeno people trying to maintain its anti-xeno intention. I’ve had enough and decided to coin this so i have some peace of mind and no longer worry about using a term that is against what i’m am firmly for.

(Edit: So uhhhh, when I started making this I had no idea xeniden already existed. But this one is meant to be an add on to existing terms while xeniden looks like you have to coin a separate term. There are also not many xenidens from what I’ve seen. I’m coining this for my own personal comfort, I hope this isn’t too much of a recoin)

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How It’s Used

Neoidyn is essentially meant to be compatible with all genders. That meaning any gender can be a Neoidyn. For example, you can take Catgender, change “gender” to “neoid” and boom, you’ve got Catneoid. For terms that don’t have gender in its name (Ex: Boything), you can leave it as is. Neoidyn is meant to be very open ended so it can fit any experience. Catneoid can mean:

- Identifying as a cat

- Identifying with cats

- Having a strong connection to cats

- Behaving like a cat

- Being cat kin/linked/hearted or a cat alterhuman

- Being catgender

- And anything having to due with cats that can be tied to identity

- As well as any of these examples combined

There is absolutely no wrong way to use Neoidyn. It’s essentially an add on to xeno/neogenders. Since Neoidyns are intended to use existing genders/terms as a base, there is no need to coin your own or make your own flags. You may, however, coin subterms for Neoidyn

This is not necessary, but if you’d like to indicate you use a xeno as a Neoidyn you can apply two dark bars in the corners of the flag like so:

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End note: I am NOT a mogai/liom blog, I’m just a silly lil editor and stimboard maker who wanted to fill a gap within his identity 😭 This is a one off thing and I won’t be coining anything else after this, my silly edits and stims will resume shortly. This also gave me extremely anxiety posting this and I don’t wanna go through that again lmao. I don’t wanna be too involved with this, I just wanna hand this to yall, let yall go wild with it, and be done. Like I said, I made this for my own personal comfort and at least if I have this out there other people may connect with this and I can have an easier time explaining my identity. Credit is absolutely not required, just go crazy

[mueritos]

Hi Matteo,

I was wondering if pre-t you ever dealt with insecurity about wether people perceived you as your actual gender? Especially when dating? Recently I’ve been with this girl and I feel bad because I worry that she might just see me as a girl too. I tend to ID as a lesbian because I think it’s simpler but I’m also pretty openly transmasc and sometimes I feel like she just ignores that part? Do you have any advice about how I should bring it up?

Yea! This is completely normal. When I came out as transmasc, I suddenly had a lot of boys flirt with me/interested in me, but I found out very quickly they saw me as an entryway into homosexuality because while they saw me as a boy, they didn't see me as male enough.

I think the best way to approach whether your partner is ignoring a critical part of yourself is to simply ask if you could tell them your coming out story, and have them tell it back to you. If you find they are misconstruing your story, your language, or your experience, it may be necessary to address where that separation in understanding is. Trans people are not taught to advocate for themselves, so I understand this is extremely scary, but you must learn to do so in order to cultivate healthy and positive experiences for yourself. If not, you are essentially telling yourself that you deserve bare minimums, and that you deserve to not feel understood or seen.

It is important that your partner recognizes your transmasculinity, so simply ask them to speak about it. You will find out a lot about them through this. For example, I am my boyfriends first trans partner--first trans person ever. He had no idea what being trans really meant before knowing me, and because of this, he had always assumed me to be a cis male when he met me. When he found out, he approached myself and my body with curiosity, but it was ethical. He never once pushed me to explain myself or my body, and he made an effort to ask about language, mirror it, and to do research himself. When I ask him about my transness, he acknowledges it, and also understands it is not the only part of me. I correct him if needed, and he does not take this personally, and instead sees me correcting him as an opportunity to build further connection.

If your partner cannot see you correcting them/advocating for yourself as an opportunity for more connection, I would suggest rethinking the foundations of your relationship and moving forward from there. Conflict is not negative, but it can also reveal a lot of negative things that need to be worked on. Both partners have to be okay with working on these things for the relationship to work.

I wish you the best of luck my friend. Find community, seek out trans positive content, and remind yourself that you are wonderful.

[big-greer]

I know i dont usually post stuff like this, for the longest time if you had asked me what my gender was id say i was a regular guy..but in truth i say that but i never really felt like i "Fit" with the term guy. Like in my brain whenever i think of myself i never really think specifically about being a male. Before i just assumed "oh its cause i am one, obviously i wouldnt consciously think of that. its sort of a given" but looking back that clearly wasnt the case, always joked how i barely counted as a guy and most people either would laugh like its a joke but a few days ago a coworker asked why..and i sort of froze up cause i had never really stopped and asked myself why? Like i knew i didnt act like a normal guy, i didnt think like one, i never had that attachment to the title of being male. so i always felt this disconnect from manhood, and even when my father tried to teach me to be a man it always felt like i was just an outsider looking in and learning a lesson through a window or something. he tried all kinds of stuff you would expect a "manly" guy to know, hell he even taught me how to track through a forest (would cut notches in trees and we walked from the top of a mountain to the bottom and had me lead us back following the marks he made. yeah dad take your like 14 year old to the fucking bottom of a mountain and make me track cut marks like some legendary hunter lol). and he would always explain what manhood was and i just....it never connected to me you know? i always chocked that up to the fact my dad was never really around (after he and ma divorced he sorta slowly dissapeared from my life till he was dead one day) and so i figured i wasnt like a regular guy cause i was raised by like, 95% woman only so i thought that might be why? but as ive come to realize it isnt that and ive just never really vibed with the idea of being just a guy, its never clicked for me.

Now dont get me wrong, the idea of using she/her pronouns actually is uncomftorable to me so now i feel like im sort of just floating here? in between gender in my own sort of like...little world and im worried about doing it right. Yeah i know "oh i want to do good at gender which is a logical and reasonable thing that can be done" i know i know. But like, i dont want to wear makeup and dresses and stuff (though nail polish would be nice, perhaps a good black would be cool.) and i feel like i dont particularly want to wear any womans clothing? i like guy clothes, there comfy, fit me nice, and for obvious reasons they are all i got lol. Also i like having my goatee and facial hair so thats also a thing. i just worry that after browsing the nonbinary tag that cause of stuff like this i wouldnt be good at being nonbinary, or that i would do it wrong. OH also that i would still be comfortable with people using he/him pronouns as well as they/them but wouldnt feel comftorable with somebody using she/her ones (perhaps this is just cause he/him pronouns are all ive known my entire life and thats why im more comfy with them). yeah all that makes me worried id be doing nonbinary wrong, which i know is a dumb sentence cause nobody can do gender "wrong" and that its a personal thing that is up to only the person whose gender its about feelings on the situation. but that lingering doubt is still in my mind, that i will be some sort of fraud or not ACTUALLY nonbinary and stuff. cause lord knows alot of tumblr views nonbinary as just "WOMAN 2" and if you arnt some hyper androgynous person you arnt actually nonbinary and i know i know, i shouldnt care what fuckin morons on tumblr say.

But gender stuff is new to me, VERY knew. Lord knows i still have strange feelings towards being ace and sometimes worry im not "ACE" enough to be considered ace. so im def still fighting some internal demons about this stuff. But having good friends around is helping out alot and i cant even imagine how id handle dealing with this sort of stuff alone (cause lord knows what little family i got left wouldnt be the most...supportive) anyway uh, gender is fuckin wild and confusing and stupid and simple and everything and nothing and lord does it give me a headache.

[shamebats]

Reddit thread on topping as a gay trans guy.

Full text [NSFW] below:

It’s a great time to be a trans top

Edited to add recommendations at the end of the post!

I'm a trans dude, and 100% top, older than most of you guys, and my experience as a top in the gay male community spans 10+ years. I used to encounter a lot of idiots in Grindr who'd ask me stupid shit like "errrrr how can u be a top?" And id have to school them on the fact that YES, not only do I have a dick- I have multiple ones aside from the one hormones blessed me with. This was largely due to lack of awareness and education, which has really changed. There's still many tops that seek out trans men, but now there's a lot of bottoms that seek us out as well, and I haven't encountered that question in a long time.

I've been told by a lot of men that they prefer trans tops or switches because:

1. A prosthetic dick doesn't go soft no matter how many times we cum. Cis dick is famously finicky, but with me they don't have to worry boner killing 2. Sex with trans tops is a lot less dick-centric, meaning there's way more freaky stuff we do rather than the formulaic 5min in and out 3. Different size and shape dicks! I've had a lot of cis and trans partners that felt they could finally try anal with me bc we could start small. The size queens can get what they want too.. nobody is stuck with something that doesn't work for them. 4. Much much less risk than bottoming for cis men 5. For my trans male partners, not having to worry about birth control and chronic UTIs. 6. I've also been told by more than one guy they feel more free to explore kink and other stuff bc the trans men they've been with are generally more open-minded and less judgmental

Ill spare you guys the details here lol but there's many other things. Esp compared to last year when there was much less trans awareness in general, my DMs are popping with dudes who are bottoms or curious about bottoming and feel like their first time will be much more enjoyable and safer with a trans top. Lastly, as far as getting off - I do every time, and to be totally honest I've been so happy w my sex life the way it is, that I'm not very motivated to re-visit or explore bottoming again (and all the stuff that it comes with).

In the past I was always frustrated by how dicks are designed to be totally flat in the back with no room for my own boner! Thankfully sex toy companies are catching up and taking into account the difference between a trans male and a cis woman's anatomy. My favorite are grinders/cushions. Since these are attachments you can put on the base of most dicks, it's a great way to explore what works for you without breaking the bank and buying a whole new dick, not to mention my partners can keep getting railed by their favorite dick. The trick with the cushions is to practice by yourself, they have nice suction so u can use them as jack off sleeves and train your dick to cum in them. Some of them even vibrate. Links added at the end.

Dysphoria is a sneaky b💀tch yall, and it's always gonna be filling our heads with fears that will prevent us from so many amazing gender affirming experiences. Being a good top whether you're cis or trans takes practice, emotional intelligence, empathy, and confidence. Some of those things we as trans men have by design bc of our life experience. A cis dick doesn't mean you have those things. Anybody can have a dick, but as many of yall know, very few dudes know how to use it.

****** LINKS********* The following are sold on at rodeoh, but they're made by different people so if rodeoh is not your thing u can buy them elsewhere. The first one feels particularly amazing- there's ribbing inside with suction. And yes, they will soon have a bootyhole shaped one if they don't already.

Since I started T vibrators stopped working be of they're too small and localized but this thing vibrates your hole dick and feels really good to the receiver as well. The part where the vibe goes is dick size so it doubles as a jack off sleeve.

Here's one of my all time fave dicks (loved by everyone who I've topped) it's posable which it's great for prostate and G spot stimulation, and most importantly you can pack with it! I have the 7" version. I've def had some adventures at the leatherdaddy bar with this guy... 👀. I like it more than my $300 peecock and it's a third of the price:

Feel free to DM me, I'm an open book.

[androdetective]

love love love love au policarpo so much i think id take a bullet for her and shed let me. i have a question about og poli though: do you think hed ever get to the point where his au self is, confident enough to be freely open about his gender?

Tysm!! And yes she would 💀😭 poli for you

For og Poli, I think maybe if his friends weren't mean to him and supported him, he could feel comfortable enough to express himself. At least only around them. We know Poli got some confidence after his friends assured him that it's fine he's bald. Unfortunately, his friends are very mean 💀 and he is also mean. And bc they're both mean to each other, none of them would want to stop the cycle. Being mean is their coping skills, and it'd take a lot of mental health journeys to all better themselves. And none of them are going to do that 💀💀 Maybe if they took some breaks away from each other and the show they can all realize some things. I think if Policarpo were to get more confident with his gender, he'd have to care less about his public/social image. Which can be hard as he's a very known person. It was literally international news that he was secretly bald. He'd have to worry about international opinions of him. It could feel like he's trapped. It's very understandable as to why he's insecure about his image. I think if he got comfortable enough with his public image, and his friends supported him strongly (especially publicly), he could live more authentically.

I wish this could happen 😭 I support you poli

[deathofnessus]

Reposting my tg channel posts here so i dont lose them, a lot of words so its under cut:

1. All characters i have for the space setting so far and short descriptions of each(similar to the ones in my pinned, but a bit more detailed for my followers there ^_^):

-Rodion Melnikov, he/him

Definition of a burn out kid except hes like 40 now. A very ambitious academically man in the past, he grew more secluded with each year, as he began to worry that its too late for him to succeed now (although his definition of success is very twisted). Joins the expedition in hopes to finally find some new amazing discovery and get the recognition he believes he deserves. Dated David Ross for 5+ years when they were in their late 20s-early 30s, met through the academic field. An only child btw

-David Ross, he/him

David is an engineer, working in the field of rocket science. He is very passionate about his craft but overall a very laid back person, not prone to conflict. Knows everything about the Nessus, treats it like his child of sorts 😭 Kind of became the captain due to all of this knowledge. And people trust him a lot. Dated Rodion Melnikov in the past.

-Carwyn Morgan, she/her (he/him for most 💔)

The oldest member of the crew. Joined the expedition out of deep academic intrest, although was unsure about it at first. Technically has a role of an assistant to Mariana Renea. Passionate about her work, which is one of tthe biggest reason her and rodya got along so well. Had a long wild life before this expedition. Also shes an egg ... girl your gender.!!!!...

-Mariana Renea, she/her

Technically the captain, more so the leader of the expedition, the one that got everyone together. Shes been best friends with Morgan for years, their families were close for years. Shes obviously a very responsible person, also extremely passionate about her work. Has done a lot of things for her field of science (dont know which one yet. Sorry), shes well known and respected. This expedition is another big step in her career. Also had a family.

2. Answering moots questions, both rus and eng:

more thoughts on the expedition itself 🔽

3. Big answer to a big set of questions about the free timeon the ship, the character dynamics and fun facts about morgan:

I was gonna answer this with doodles but im impatient so i might come back to that later... First of all thanks for such detailed message i rlly appreciate it! I think the dynamics in the crew are definitely a little tense, especially bcuz of rodya and davey, but they usually try to stay chill. I dont think they would have big arguments or anything, at least not before the accident™ They definitely have a lot of respect for one another, but i think at least for rodya especially theres a bit of academic rivalry in this all, although the rest i think are kind of the opposite in thay way, feeling more unitied due to their goals and passions and stuff. So yeah rodya is definitely the one most likely to get "infatuated with the unknown", but i do think Morgan is similar in that way, maybe not as intense though. Mariana would be cautious but definitely intrested and i think Davey is the least likely, he'd definitely say nope and go the other way.

As for passing the free time on the ship, thats definitely something they do yeah! I never thought about it that much, and now thats definitely something id like to draw once i have the time so thanks for the suggegstion :D i think theyd have some pretentious ass board games along with some silly ones, but considering how long theyre on this ship i think at some point they'd get bored of all of them, which would lead to them hanging out all together less fkr sure. Maybe someone would suggest their own made up games and i think that person would be the fifth character™ that i dont have any story for, but their general function in the story in my mind rn is the younger guy that breaks the tension between all of these old serious people >< So work is important, yes, and they do spend a lot of time on it, but i think theyre all smart enough to understand that rest and hanging out together is important. Except maybe rodya. I think theyd have to drag him to these games by force most of the time. And every time they definitely regret it bcuz he always wins, which pisses everyone off. And he probably havent played any of these games before, hes just naturally good at them. I do think mariana at some point learned his stragidies and was able to sometimes win over him lol. Morgan and Davey love to team up together to try to beat "the try-hards". AS FOR MORGAN PRE EXPEDITION!! I thought a lot during the summer about how i imagine her when she was younger participating a lot in her local queer spaces(which is how she meets mariana), helping organise events and stuff, which is especially funny bcuz i imagine a lot of people clocked her as transfem but she just didn't have a clue 😭😭 she thought she was just a quirky gay man her entire life... I also imagine she tried many hobbies in her life, especially the ones that require handy work like drawing, pottery, knitting ect ect, i think she ended up enjoying these the most. I think shes the type of gal that loves the cycle actually now that i think of it. I dont think she's super sporty or anything but cycling sounds like something she'd enjoy. Anyways, thank you also for the recs!!! I've been planning to watching scavenger's reign for sooooo looong but never got to it, despite watching the first ep and really enjoying it. This is a sign to finally do it.... Never heard of harold halibut though, ill make sure to check it out, thank you!! Sending lots of love to you anon you're very sweet

[sexcromancy]

okay I made this post last week but it didn't save to drafts tragically. it's time to talk about Obsessive Guy Eroticism.

it's a pretty pervasive element of the romance novels I have sampled, the man being obsessed with his love interest, often long before she admits interest (even to herself), and sometimes to an intensity level we are not fully privy to - especially in Ali's case, where she has only recently started dabbling in dual POV. if we're not inside his head, we're not going to see how crazy he's going for her. but as genre-aware readers, we can often pick it up from the woman's narration, even when she's dismissing it. that's what we're going to look at today, with Levi and Bee from love on the brain.

for some overview - Levi and Bee knew each other several years ago in grad school, and are now working together again on a project. Levi was in love with her at the time and still is; she believed he hated her and is now gradually warming to him.

here, Levi is remembering, to the letter, something that bee said at least five years ago, and likely not to him. normal! at this point in the narrative we don't know Levi's specific feelings for her, but again, we are genre aware readers. we know. bee is able to remain blissfully ignorant, while we get the titillation of obliquely acknowledging his crush.

again, same thing. Levi is Noticing Things King, and bee finds a way to brush it off. I think for the reader, this is a really good way to give into the pleasure of being seen and understood without having to face it head on. it's exciting to think about a guy who has memorized every aspect of you, right? well, it is if he's built and 6'4 and sensitive and smart and you're in his car and it's almost nighttime and he wants you to come over to his house because you lost your keys and actually you don't really know this guy that well and. um. is it exciting? or could it be a little bit scary? hold on, gotta make a pit stop and address this:

okay! no, no worries everyone, the guy who's obsessed with you isn't creepy. we feel a pervasive and inexplicable sense of safety around him, it's all good. more than that, he is very concerned about the possibility of seeming creepy. this is such a fascinating choice to me. for a book that is very much about the realities of sexism in the workplace (featuring explicitly gendered violence), it makes sense to address this head-on. personally I would say this passage is not really getting into why bee feels safe around Levi specifically, but in the book at large id say there's two reasons. watsonian: at this point in the novel, Levi has physically saved bee multiple times (from fainting+cemetery entrapment) and defended her in workplace settings. he's proven himself to be A Good One, altho in my opinion that doesn't necessarily lessen the threat of being alone at night (!) with a man you don't know that well (!) in his house (!!!). but then there's our doylist explanation: Ali writes soulmates, emphasis on the mate. it doesn't enter the narrative explicitly until her fourth adult novel (love on the brain is her second), but it's all over her fanfic and her most influential texts (twilight, psy-changeling). our main pair are drawn together, instantly attracted, obsessed with each others' scent, etc etc. that's not, as the Goodreads reviewers often allege, lazy writing. it's the point. the fantasy is a man who is not only Erotically Obsessed with her, he can't help it. and neither can she, and that's okay, because she feels safe around him. in order for this fantasy to work for someone who does not already have this specific fantasy, I think conversations like this are necessary - we have to be reassured that he's not, like, scary. in her view or ours. no 🚩🚩🚩 to be seen.

so they're soulmates, even though we're not going to acknowledge that on page (in this book). but I do like the button of this scene, in which we get some groundwork laid for the reversal of the dynamic. "he fell first, she fell harder" does not really apply for most Ali pairings, but I like that bee here is laying out for us the ways in which she will be falling for Levi once she realizes hes not married/doesnt hate her/etc.

in conclusion, I like my Obsessive Eroticism guys from Ali a lot, although I do often find them to be grating in other romance novels. often they don't walk this line finely enough, and the paternalism gets on my nerves, largely bc it's written like it's a normal way to be. I appreciate that ali's guys are freaks and they know they're freaks, and they hate themselves for it. crushed and broken just the way women like em etc etc. but that's a different post I'll save for when not in love is actually out.

[s1yeye]

make intro post yes say hi talk about who i am what i do

my name kuru or siyeye, siyeye ainu to mean be sick or be ill, kuru is ainu, reconnecting with culture and language, please be nice do not mock names or language just because not white not friendly sound funny to you.

kuru part in system, other system not talk here, but kuru is inside of, complex did / polyfragmented many alters many parts. do not let other parts on this blog, only for kuru, may only say hi if is an emergency or big worry need to adress things because kuru me i cant do it.

kuru it/its pronouns. kuru an it, thing, being, nonhuman creature weirdo crazy. no she he they no no do not use any of that. just kuru, just it, just me. kuru body transfeminine, kuru body boygirl nonbinary lesbian, but kuru not girl or boy, kuru only kuru siyeye it me thing being.

kuru have many disorders, many disabilities, kuru level 2 autistic medium support needs (mild ID), kuru have POTS and asthma and TBI and other body ailments that make life work hard not good hard to make a living hard to do things for good livings. kuru will talk about it, affect life happen very much. kuru also, more important, schizoaffective disorder symptom holder hold symptom for alters other parts not feel as bad as kuru do. kuru have schizoaffective since young age, 13 or 14, early onset, cause many many problems in life hard to deal with many many many harsh hard wow so many suffer medicate suffer evil. this will be main many post include symptoms vents rambles talk about life experiences medicate psychatric ward and others and others that happen because of this. kuru talk funny because of schizoaffective disorder. kuru talk and write weird due to positive negative symptoms mixing mixing cause words jumble mix up hard to speak thoughts racing by fleeting away from me. all words come out all at once becoming mixing jumbled and hard to understand word write or speak. kuru can not help this or fix this. other alter sometimes can write better, can help kuru siyeye do this, but abilities go downhill, catatonia apraxia alogia flat effect etc etc make worse and worse spiral go downhill eventually all gone some day maybe fear. kuru also speak weird part of trauma CPTSD DID abuse severe severe severe many happen occurence all at once. ruin kuru life, make extra extra difficult.

i kuru is an also poc indigenous east asian mixed many races mixed. if could not tell from name. do not want white people telling what to do on race related issues. has seen this happen, feel it felt it before. go away shut up.

kuru me i also a minor, bodily 17. if uncomfortable talking to speak to minors, let kuru know and will not follow.

kuru dni include endogenic (support ok, no syscourse on blog), transabled / transrace / etc (only transgender, transsexual, transspeices good), proship / comship, intersexists and transmisogynists. kuru block liberally, will use many block button, do not throw cry hissy fit if find out blocked by siyeye.

kuru may talk about triggering, bad bad hurt harmful things. can trigger tag if something heavy or obvious bad, but otherwise will not know to do unless you tell me to. if one of kuru follower, ok to ask to trigger warn tag things if they are being triggering to you. kuru ask that mutuals trigger tag heavy religion, around kuru, ESPECIALLY satanism / christianity, can triggering bad scary hurt kuru siyeye make bad visions remember horrible scary thing. thank you for if you are doing this.

edit : panphobes, acearo exclusionists, transmeds, do not follow like reblog interact!!!!! kuru is collective body mogai many genders and arospec, some parts acespec pan or others, support all harmless queer identity!!!!! go away if exclusionist bad bad person rude harmful mean leave

[sapphos-darlings]

Who wants to talk about gender? Apparently everybody. That topic hasn't lost its shine in several years now. But who wants to talk about detransitioning? No one. So I will, again, with no memory whatsoever of what I spoke of the last time I opened my mouth about it.

It's been a couple years now since I dropped the label of trans man and started living as a woman, and it's been just about the easiest thing to do, which would have surprised the me that I was at 27 when I had to quit testosterone for the last time due to the health consequences I was getting from it. I was so worried about having to detransition - and I didn't even want to, but it was a what if in my mind, a scary thing that I felt might be inevitable for me, but having been "living" as a trans man for a decade and on hormones for half that time, it also felt insurmountable, the amount of things that I couldn't change anymore too large.

In reality, turns out that detransition, in my case, meant putting my energy into the things that actually benefited me. Transition just wasn't going my way in just about every way: the only place where I was successful was within my friend group, and in the sense that my family was accepting. They didn't always use the right pronouns, but at least they respected me and understood to the degree to which I could expect them to - my friends, on the other hand, have had much more difficulty adjusting to me now living as a woman than anything. The most complicated situations I've so far ran into with detransition are extremely minor, in comparison to the hell I was living through as a trans man - firstly, I sometimes have issues getting my parcels out of the mail service, because they need the signature and ID of the person who ordered them. Who is me, except they don't expect me to have the name that I do, because what they see is a woman, and who they expect is a man. Another is that, quite recently, an online friend of mine was introducing me to another friend of his, a man who is very straight, and had a whole sequence of apologising over difficulties with pronouns and identities, because it's all so very new to him. I realised later that he'd thought I was a trans woman, and that's why he was so flustered about my pronouns. We didn't even talk over voice chat - this was all in text. This same friend who made the introduction has defaulted to simply using the singular they as my pronoun, which is moderately aggravating, as I don't identify as nonbinary and don't use they as a singular pronoun. Minor inconveniences, but annoying.

Comparing this to the daily worry about passing, having to fuss over how many layers of clothes I would wear in order to hide my body, not being able to go outside during summer solely because there was no clothes that I could do so in, being afraid of questions, having my private life poked by strangers, breathing in my binder, introducing myself to new people, navigating the constant concern over how to express my identity, how they might take it, would it be awkward - now, I just walk out of the door in whatever outfit I may be in and that's the end of it. I have so much more energy and so little anxiety in comparison. It's wonderful.

There's the other side to this, too. My partner was distraught when I shaved my whiskers and my curly neck hair for the trip to the capital. I've come to realise that in this relationship, I'm thoroughly respected and loved for the creature that I am, with the sex characteristics that I have, and with the fluctuating presentation that I come with. Breasts are soft and nice to lay on, to hold; facial hair is fun to brush one's nose through, to kiss, to twirl around one's fingers. My partner found my first white hairs amongst there, too. There's no conflict there for them or for me; my body, with its characteristics, with its different voices used in different situation, are simply parts of me that are lovely to them. I feel at ease there and it very much brings together the way I feel about myself now in general, as I no longer have those issues with my body that I had before. I'm fine being the shape and size that I am. I'm fine having the vocal range that I have. I like the hair I'm growing, whether it be typical or atypical from a biological perspective.

There's a prevalent understanding of detransition as a second transition, where one goes from one sex to another and returns to the previous one, struggling to undo the "damage" this first transition caused. This isn't my experience at all. I spent a decade of my life desperately trying to pass as a man - I have zero interest in doing the same in reverse. What I wanted, through all of this, was to simply feel okay to be what I am, internally and externally. There are hundreds of factors at play in how I became what I am now, but I truly, finally, feel like I'm in a good place with all of that. I don't feel much inner conflict between my body and my view of what it should be, and I've stopped worrying about what it could be, because things that could be are infinite and things that are are very finite. It's so much nicer to not be pushing against reality every day, to wear a costume because the possibility of being discovered or undone by people I cannot predict is simply too horrifying to consider. It's amazing not to have to fear speaking, because I'll make people around me embarrassed and cause them to apologise over and over again, causing a never-ending awkwardness by simply existing, because they didn't read me right the first time. I've never hated anything quite as much as causing a scene, and I've finally stopped causing scenes by simply existing. And yet, I retain the things that made me feel more comfortable in my skin. Further, I am still loved and still accepted by the people who matter - among them a partner who is just as excited about the ways I don't fit into the model of a woman as they are about the ways that I do.

It's just nice to finally be comfortable and feel like I belong among other people, instead of being a ceaseless observer and judge of my own performance in a role I don't even want to be playing.