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mindful-of-ideas · 1 year

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Inspired by the song C’mon by Panic! At The Disco feat. Fun.

If I should die tonight / May I first just say I'm sorry / For I, never felt like anybody / I am a man of many hats although I / Never mastered anything But I am ten feet tall / I've never felt this tall since the fall Nobody seems to know my name So don't leave me and sleep all alone Maybe stay lost on our way home

A/N: I mention some books but the references are pretty obvious or not that important. I’ll add explanations in the tags (: Also, this was kind of a struggle to write, I don’t know why. I hope you still like it.

TW: Alcohol (it’s Misfits, what did you expect)

You were standing by the river, partially hidden by some trees and bushes. On the other side, sharp rocks were blocking any access. If the morning had been cold and damp, the sky was now clear and the sun was warming up your skin gently. You couldn’t tell if it had been since you had started university or since that freaky storm hit the town, but you hadn’t quite felt like yourself during the past weeks. Not that change was necessarily bad, but the transition period was scary. You felt like a traitor to yourself, like an impostor in your own body. And there was nothing you could do than embrace it, which was easier said than done. Even knowing that, you couldn’t help but worry and overthink everything you did and said. Yet today seemed promising. You could just enjoy the sun and the beach and a good book. No better way to escape reality.

You were about to sit down when you heard a scream coming from the rocks. Seconds later, a tall lanky guy came rolling down the rocks. Too stunned to say anything, you watched him pick himself up awkwardly before losing his footing and crashing into you. You lost your balance and landed in the water.

“Sorry,” mumbled the guy, quickly glancing over his shoulder.

“Yeah, right,” you said trying to get up.

“Here, wait,” he said extending a hand, “how ungentleman of me!”

He was smiling though you could have sworn that just moments before he looked as if he was going to break down.

“You’re not wet,” he said pointing down at you.

“I’m sorry?” you asked finally getting up.

“You’re not wet…”

“See, it sounds like you’re saying I’m not wet which is either very weird or just… creepy.”

“It is weird, you fell in the water and look, you’re not wet.”

“That’s,” impossible, you were about to say. But as you looked down, you could clearly see that your jeans were dry.

“See,” he said, “not wet.”

“Can you just stop saying the word ‘wet’?” you said letting out a sigh.

This didn’t make sense. How could you be completely dry when you just fell in the water. No one could do that… unless they were…

“I’m Nathan by the way,” he said once again extending his hand.

“Y/N,” you said, shaking his hand reluctantly, “where did you come from exactly?” you asked gesturing vaguely towards the rocks.

They were a good few feet above your head and while there was a path up there, it came nowhere near close to the edge.

“Some guy was chasing and I ran all the way to here but can we talk about the fact that you’re not wet. Is this like your power or something?”

“You… my… what?” you asked now more confused than ever.

You took a few steps back. This guy was definitely weird and maybe just a little bit too weird. And what was he talking about, powers? That would explain how you were still dry, but it didn’t make any sense.

“You know what, I think I might just go,” you said.

“No, what? You think I’m weird!” he said, but you had already turned away from him, “for all I know you’re the weird one, all alone in some… recluse part of the river!”

You picked up your bag when small rocks tumbled down to your feet. You barely had time to look up before a man came sliding down the rocks. He was tall with broad shoulders and quite scary. Scarier than whoever that Nathan guy was. Which, speaking of, screamed behind you. You went back to him, hoping to ask for an explanation but the man followed right behind you.

“Do something!” Nathan screamed as he hid behind you, grabbing your shoulder.

What could you do? Nothing. There was nothing you could do. Yet instinctively, you put up your hand to protect your face. As you did, you saw water come out of the river and follow the same path, a few inches in front of your hand. A wave crashed, full force, into the man, stopping him dead in his tracks.

“That was so cool,” said Nathan behind you.

But there was no time to talk about what had just happened. You grabbed his hand and started running.

You ran. And you ran, and you ran, and you ran, all the way to the busiest street in the city. It was now the end of the afternoon and there weren’t many people out, yet you needed to be in a crowd to feel safe. As you reached the corner of the street, where a pub faced a corner store, you finally stopped running.

“Dude! That was so cool! Is that what you got? Like water powers?” said Nathan excitedly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said, “and I think this time I’ll go, for real.”

“How about I invited you for a drink,” he said pointing behind him at the pub, “I mean, you’re still holding my hand after all.”

Surprised, you let go of his hand and wiped your own on your pants. This day couldn’t get any weirder. Having to run away from some man-in-black kind of made the top of the list. Though, thinking that you could have superpowers was up there too. Could he be right? That you had some kind of power? You tried remembering what made you feel different these last few weeks. Somehow, it all went back to that impostor feeling and, strangely, to the books you’ve been reading First, there was Lord of the Rings, and for a good few days you felt taller, just like the elves were taller than humans. Then, there was this floating sensation that made you feel sick for weeks after reading Mr. Vertigo. Now, it was those water powers that you got after reading Percy Jackson.

“So?” he asked, bending sideways to look at your face and cutting short your reflection.

“Sure,” you said, snapping back to reality, “but you owe me some explanations.”

At least you thought you wanted explanations.

As you step into the pub and aimed for the closest table. But Nathan grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the back. You sat down at the booth not wasting a second before drilling him with questions.

“So who was that guy?” you asked, “Why was he chasing you?”

“Hold on!” he said, “Don’t you want a beer first? Garçon!” he called.

But the waiter walked past him without even looking.

“Can I at least know a little bit more about who saved me first?” he asked, “put aside the fact that you probably drown the guy, you still didn’t run away when he came running at us. That’s impressive! I want to know more about that Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes. How could you tell him more about you when you didn’t even know yourself. Still, you took note of the compliment. If Nathan had seemed cocky at first, he might turn out to be good at heart. Just like he seemed curious about you, you realized you were curious about him.

“You don’t think I actually drown him, do you?” you asked.

The waiter passed by again and you asked for beers and nachos.

“So, who are you,” Nathan asked, ignoring your question.

“I’m Y/N… I told you, didn’t I?”

He seemed exasperated.

“I know that, I mean who are you, what do you do, what do you like?”

“I don’t know,” you confessed, “I’m a student… I don’t do much apart from that.”

“Summer just ended! You must’ve done something fun?” he said.

You didn’t really know what to answer. But you noticed the absence of pity, something you were becoming more and more familiar with, in his question.

“Well, me and my friends saved the world!” he said, seeing you weren’t saying anything.

He leaned back in the booth, arms crossed behind his head.

“What…” you said, not really believing him.

“Yep!”

“And how come, everyone, doesn’t know about this?” you asked still doubting him.

“Don’t know… we wanted to stay anonymous,” he said.

“Right…”

“We did, I’m telling you! Me and my friends, at the community center, we saved the world. We’re like superheroes… no vigilantes, that’s cooler. We’re like vigilantes!”

You laughed. Whether or not this was true didn’t really matter to you. What did matter was that you were having fun. The conversation moved on easily as you talked about summer, school, friends, dreams and thankfully not about family. You couldn’t believe it went you glanced behind Nathan and saw that it was dark outside.

“So those powers of yours, what are they?” he asked suddenly.

“I… I’m not sure actually,” you said, without much confidence.

He shrugged, indifferent.

You had spent the whole evening being what you believe to be your truest self. You weren’t going to start lying now, but his reaction did hurt a bit. Somehow, you wanted him to like you, to be interested in you. And that’s all it took for the doubts to come crawling back. What if you actually hadn’t been sincere with him? What if you had convinced even yourself that the mask was who you really were?

You shook your head lightly.

“So, who was the guy chasing you?” you asked right after, hoping this time you would get an answer.

“Mehh, some guy, nothing to worry about sweetheart…”

“I’m not your sweet-”

“Your power is cool, but not as cool as mine!”

It seemed like he was avoiding the question.

“You’re not gonna ask what it is? Well, I’m immortal,” he said, a big smile plastered on his face.

You frowned.

“Yep, that’s right, baby. This body, unkillable. It will stay young and strong, just like it is now, forever.”

“But how-”

“Shhh, I know you’re impressed,” he said moving forward to press his finger to your lips.

You swatted his hand away.

“Kids, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the waiter said, pointing at the clock behind the bar.

“Right, sure,” you said, getting up and grabbing your bag, maybe a little bit too quickly.

Part of you just wanted to get out. You were convinced you had just ruined the whole evening by not being true to him. But part of you really didn’t want this night to end. This was the most fun you had in weeks, and thinking about it, this was one of the rare times you actually didn’t worry about who you were. At least for a while.

You wait as Nathan put on his vest and headed outside together.

“I guess this is where we say goodbye,” you said, looking up at him.

“Y/N?” he said, looking down and ruffling his hair.

“Yeah?”

“I… nothing actually,” he said, sitting down on the curb.

He looked sad. Not that you pitied him, on the contrary, it was a sadness you thought you could understand. You sat down by his side and waited for him to speak again.

“It’s just… if I should die tonight…”

You have him a worried look.

“Not that I will!” he added quickly, “or that I want to! I mean I couldn't even die, you know, the whole immortal thing… Anyway, I, first, just want to say I’m sorry, because I… this whole evening… I never felt like anybody… I…”

“You felt like you were playing a character of yourself in a play?” you suggested.

“Yeah, something like that… how’d you know? You noticed?” he asked, slightly worried.

“No, let’s just say I don’t always feel like I’m truly myself… apart from tonight, except…”

“Except what?” he asked.

You looked up at him, though he was looking at the ground.

“Nothing…” you said.

You didn’t know what else to add but felt like you didn’t have to add anything. In some way, this silence seemed to be healing you both.

“You know,” you finally said, “there was a moment during those last weeks when I truly felt like I was taller…”

“Because of your power, right?” he said smiling weakly.

“I don’t know, maybe… that’s not the point. The point is that I felt like I was taller but that didn’t last… at least not until today. Those few hours spent with you, I’ve never felt this tall, this important, since the storm. Even if, just like you, I ended up doubting if I had truly been myself.”

Another silence, though this time, you could tell Nathan was thinking about something.

“I lied,” he finally confessed, “All of it, all of the important stuff at least. I am immortal, I did kind of save the world but nobody seems to know my name… and those guys at the community center… I don’t know if they really are my friends… I…”

You tapped his shoe lightly with yours, trying to get his attention and keep him from spiralling down like you, yourself, had done many times before. It didn’t seem to work too well and so you went and grab his hand. Just like you had done earlier today but this time more gently.

“You know, it’s only 1:00 am on a Friday night,” you suggested, “you still have time to tell me the truth, if you want to.”

For someone who didn't have much confidence, you sure sounded like you had some now. Weirdly, you felt comfortable talking about the fact that you didn’t know who you were made you feel more like yourself.

“Maybe…” Nathan finally said.

“Maybe?”

He got up, and just like before, offered his hand.

“I just don’t want to spend the night all alone, so let’s figure out something to do,” he said.

“Maybe we’ll stay lost on our way home,” you said smiling and taking his hand.

#mindful-of-ideas #nathan young imagine #misfits imagine #nathan young #misfits #robert sheehan #song imagine #basically the elves are taller than humans in lord of the rings #percy jackson is a son of poseidon and so can control water #the main character in Mr Vertigo can float

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