#versus charles love of life

[mayhaps-a-blog]

I also think it's interesting that Charles cites the Orpheus story, given its place in the Sandman universe! Maybe he doesn't remember how it goes, but it is a tragedy - one directly connected to, first Dream, but of course the rest of the family - Death, Despair, etc. and Desire most of all.

Despair, Desire, and Delirium are known to play games with mortals, more than the other four. Despair has chosen Edwin to be friends. And her twin, Desire?

Who better for Desire to play with than Charles?

His desire for life. His desire for people. For kissing, and touching, and doing good; to be perfect for his father, to stop bullies, to solve cases that help people.

Charles is full of Desire. And Edwin is, at least sometimes, full of Despair. How could the twins resist?

[monacodarling]

Cant stop thinking about how paradoxical Charles and Max are I mean the narrative is there right but

Max growing up in a harsh condition—almost to the breaking point. Wanting nothing but to be the best. Conditioned to be alone. Used to being lonely.

Charles growing up in a loving family. Support from the family, having friends, growing up with different people hes still friends with today.

Max growing up under public scrutiny. Nothing like a famous father whose expectations you have to live up to. You can say he was born to race. That was his sole purpose.

Charles growing up wanting to be the best. The adoration and belief and faith from his family.

Max finally drawing boundaries with his own father. Christian and other people stepping in. Years of understanding. Finally in F1 in Red Bull.

Charles and his grief. One loss after the other. Finally in Ferrari, although a bit too late.

Max and his teammates—Carlos, and Daniel, and Pierre, and Alex, and Sergio. Some people he really start to let in, and be genuine friends. People like Lando start to come in. His demeanor slowly changes as people get to know him who he is and his love for animals.

Charles and his teammates—Seb and Carlos. Seb as someone who’s gotten to know what it’s like living with grief. Grief being a part of you. How much promises and faith weigh you down. Charles is very accessible. Kind and open to people. But he holds most at a distance. Like this is only where you get to only know me. This as far as you can go.

Max, doesn’t care what the public thinks, used to him being painted the villain, as someone who is angry and mad and raw all the time. But proves you can be as hungry and greedy as you can be, and only have a few people at your back. He’s fine with it. He’s used to be alone, he’s genuinely grateful of the people who’s been with him through thick and thin over the years. At the end of the day, he does things for himself. Because if being the best is his purpose in life, to make people happy, then that’s what he’s going to be. And if he’s tired of being the best, he can go because he knows there are people no matter who he is, they’ll be there.

Charles slowly suffering with the burden of the tifosi’s faith, his promise to Jules, his dad, to Anthoine. Charles wanting to be hungry and greedy but can’t stand of losing someone, of people abandoning him. Like I feel the more reckless and desperate he gets, it’s because he’s pushed by his own want. Sometimes what he needs to do and who he needs to be versus who he really is messes up his own vision of what he wants. He needs to be the best because it is a debt to be paid. And as long as it goes unpaid, he ignores the blood, he ignores the pain, he ignores the gnawing loss and sadness because he deserves it. He’s not winning, and he keeps on losing, and he is afraid if he’s unable to win, people will leave him. It’s either he leaves first, or he makes people leave, or in the end, he’s sure that people will leave him. He doesn’t know how to be alone.

Max with the faith in himself.

Charles’s faith of others towards him. Never from himself.

And I think that’s beautiful.

[danieldrivesfast]

If you sincerely think there's a chance that Daniel Ricciardo, the face of both a Visa and Ford campaign, is going to be replaced by an absolute nobody mid-season for "performance" reasons, you need to learn how the business of sport works.

Just because you like Liam 's greasy Republican fuckboy vibe doesn't mean the world at-large knows or cares who he is or that he holds any standing with the major team sponsors versus a well-loved and popular driver who is arguably responsible for the global explosion of the sport.

If Daniel steps aside, tomorrow or at any point in the near future, it's going to be a choice he makes and he's going to absolutely be retained by Red Bull for marking and SIM work. His value is far beyond whatever he can or can't do in that shit box of a car.

Remember, kids. Without elderly fuggo DR, Drive to Survive doesn't get made, your TikTok edits never happen, and Charles Leclerc gets to live his life in relative peace.

[laura1633]

so glad to see you in better spirits, laura! i think this weekend had us all through the wringer 😵‍💫

seb said this weekend that he still believed max could win the championship--max just had to make sure he didn't prove him wrong lmao. rbr golden boys gotta stick together 🤝

I have been through it this weekend. I am still really annoyed at how unfair everything has been and I think they need to address it along with the concerns over driver safety!

I have not forgotten about Max's community service and how unfair it was comparatively with other people's penalties 😂

But wow I am so happy with the result and every time Max wins I make a small donation to charity in honour of a friend I lost who also loved F1 and it always reminds me to be grateful for what I have in life and to fill as many days as possible with positivity.

I am so proud to be a Max supporter right now. And I am still on the warpath when it comes to the Fia and sky sports haha!

Seb recognises how talented Max is, I bet he would love to see a Max versus Charles championship fight because I know he also rates Charles so highly.

This weekend has been a rollercoaster!!

[thestrangerblog]

I was discussing the Myers Briggs 16 personality test with a friend and felt the need to sort Edwin and Charles.

For everyone whos not familiar with the concept: There are 4 dimensions of traits.

The first is introversion versus extroversion

That's pretty self explaining.

Then there is intuitive versus observant

"Our second personality scale includes the Intuitive (N) and Observant (S) styles. These traits describe what people are more likely to do with the information gathered from the world around them. Intuitive personality types rely on imagining the past and future potential of what they see. Those with the Observant style are more interested in observable facts and more straightforward outcomes. They prefer to avoid layering too much interpretation on what they see."

The third scale is thinking versus feeling

"When presented with a decision, people with the Thinking trait typically lean on objective information. Knowledge is their indispensable tool. Once these personality types gather the facts, they test their alternatives against logic and reason to see which decision, by those standards, proves the most effective or realistic. They generally manage their relationships by employing fairness and effectiveness as their primary method of dealing with others. Their passions are born of respect.

People with the Feeling (F) trait follow their hearts and emotions – sometimes without even realizing it. They may show it to different degrees and in different ways, but however they do it, Feeling personality types tend to be caring, compassionate, and warm. These concerned people can be highly protective of those they care about – whether that is their immediate family or remote populations in need."

The last scale is judging vs perceiving.

I think the terminology is misleading. This scale means if a person is a planner or spontaneously.

I think Edwin and Charles are total opposites.

Edwin is introverted, observant, thinking and judging

That makes him a Logistican

"People with the ISTJ personality type (Logisticians) mean what they say and say what they mean, and when they commit to doing something, they make sure to follow through. With their responsible and dependable nature, it might not be so surprising that ISTJ personalities also tend to have a deep respect for structure and tradition. They are often drawn to organizations, workplaces, and educational settings that offer clear hierarchies and expectations."

Examples given for this type are George Washington, Hermione Granger, Mr. Darcy and Dana Scully

Charles is extroverted, intuitive, feeling and perceiving

That makes him a campaigner

"People with the ENFP personality type (Campaigners) are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, ENFPs stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, they don’t just care about having a good time. These personalities have profound depths that are fueled by their intense desire for meaningful, emotional connections with others."

Examples are Robin Williams, Peeta Mellark (Hunger Games) and Willy Wonka

Let me know if you disagree with those types, I love hearing different views.

[respectthepetty]

Pit Babe Colors Ep. 1-2

Because I have asks in my inbox about the color coding in Pit Babe even though I don't want to watch it, I'm going to challenge myself with this show and see how good my color skills really are. I'm doing my normal thing of watching it double-speed on mute, but now, I'm going to take off the captions.

*stretches body and pops neck* I'm going in.

Episode 1

The first episode established this tale is red versus blue.

Therefore, I do not trust these two. If this was West Side Story, we'd have a rumble on our hands.

I already know this one, *looks at MDL* Charlie is a Blue Boy but he isn't on the team. He is trying hard to fit in, so he came prepared.

The red is gonna win this. The smoke said it.

The blue is gonna win this round. The smoke said it.

The lighting outside of the house was normal and dark, but as soon as they opened the door, RED LIGHTING!

Someone is lying. But who? Charles, you have more red. You have some explaining to do, sir.

WAIT! Who picked this spot? These is a lot of red here and Babe is in black and red. HE IS THE RED?! Or is this just a neutral space for the reds x blues to mingle?

Something is happening with the red squad, and it does not spark joy in either of these LIARS!

Episode 2

This man is Big Red. He has the red cars behind him and earlier he had the red scissor kit, so he is also red flags.

This is a blurry image, but Babe has red pants on when he is getting beat up by Big Red in the flashback, so . . . Babe is the red. He defected to the blues, so now Big Red and him have beef. Also, homie holding him back looked sad. He will be an asset later.

No! We are NOT doing a dark versus light dynamic! I DON'T CARE IF CHARLES BRINGS LIGHT TO YOUR LIFE, BARBRA!

Wearing blue while meeting with someone who drinks red milkshakes? SUS!

Of course Big Red would like the only driver out of the three who had the red car. Way to be predictable, Big Red.

I DON'T TRUST THIS MAN! He came in like Charles in blue, but he has a red bag. Was he the one Charles was speaking to with the red milkshake? And these two in the back are still doing their red-and-blue bullshit! Oh hell nah! GET THEM OUTTA HERE! Cars are gonna catch on fire. I know that for damn sure.

OH SHIT IT WAS HIM! The colors never lie. So Charles IS a red too!

So is this gonna be Rihanna's "We found love in a hopeless place" and these two are going to break away from the red versus blue battle and become dark and light balanced instead? Because they just walked into a neutral space FILLED with red and blue yet still fighting people. Send me a memo, show. Also, I appreciate that Babe is a Slut for Christ.

CHARLES IS WEARING RED GLOVES! Was this fight thrown?! Was this was all a show with the new red driver?

The dark and the light clothing. The column between them. The red car backing Charles while he has the blue shirt, but he picks the blue car. They are going to breakaway from the norm and do their own thing. I feel it.

So . . . Charles can't drive, and Barbara is yelling at him now. I hope this is the red team slandering both of them in the media because how did Charles come onto a gay RACING team not able to drive stick? That's gay agenda item #1 - know how to handle a stick.

THESE TWO AGAIN! I 👏🏾 don't 👏🏾 trust 👏🏾 them 👏🏾.

Barbara and Charles are arguing again while Charles is in full blue (and that Ken with the magic earring necklace!)

Oh, Way knows Charles is up to something, but I'm more concerned with this man in black. That's the one who works for Big Red and held Babe back. I know he is still on Big Red's payroll because of episode one, so . . . What do you want with our Barbie?!

I feel good about this. The smoke told me the winners of the race. The milkshake and bag told me that newbie mechanic was no bueno. I'm going to commit to this adventure. No sound. No captions. Just vibes and colors.

[sai-lec]

The Internet Tifosi

an informal reflection of online fan spaces by me, a recent member of the tifosi.

I love being part of the tifosi. I love the colour red. I love seeing the passion of the tifosi at races. I love Charles. I love Carlos. I love watching races and highlights from old team lineups I love the greats like Schumacher and Lauda and Prost I love Ferrari.

My path in f1 didnt start with Ferrari, it started with McLaren- my dad is a huge McLaren fan, he introduced me to Lando (and Carlos but primarily Lando) in lockdown and sure it didnt click with me right away; I watched some races with him, he showed me the highlights from the races I didnt watch with him (including several videos of Grosjean's infamous crash) and despite the fact that I wasn't heavily invested it gave us something to bond over. That September when I left home for university it gave us a reason to call each other. When I developed a genuine interest (after I decided I wasn't coming back home after I graduate university) my dad wasn't bothered by the fact that I had shown up at Christmas with a Ferrari hat on, in fact he took it off my head and tried it on himself; "do I look good as a Sainz fan?". From my dad introducing me to Lando, Carlos was the natural next step in immersing myself into the fan community. From Carlos, we found Charles and the Tifosi. I don't have many (or any) friends in real life with the same level of interest in Formula 1 that I have developed, naturally I found myself creating this blog hoping to find a community within online spaces that wasn't available to me in the digital world.

My experience within the tifosi has been... unique, to say the least. I have been engaged in online fan spaces since I was around 14- I made my Tumblr account in 2016 to talk about supernatural, before moving on to buzzed unsolved, and marvel and so on as my interests developed and changed. Within each of these communities I have found a group of people that I felt comfortable around enough to call them genuine friends. some of whom I still keep in contact with despite the fact that our interests have changed. that hasn't quite happened to the same extent with the internet's Tifosi; and there is a multitude of reasons why.

The 'Versus' Predicament

To be rather blunt for a moment- I have never been part of a community that has been filled with so much vitriol for other members, and I was part of the Marvel fandom when Civil War was released (team cap). In fact, it seem that the tifosi are constantly engaged in a Civil War of their own- devoted fans of Charles as the self-labelled Lecfosi and Team55 practically always appear to be at odds with each other. And publicly so.

It is natural for people to have a favourite driver- we've just discussed how ive come to find myself as a devotee to Team55. But as with other areas, fan spaces have seen negative impact in communication due to internet dependancy in recent years.

From my perspective, the issue appears to be a mixture of cancel culture and virtue signalling. Now cancel culture is in itself a manifestation of virtue signalling in which creators or whomever else face mass criticism and attempted deplatforming as the internet becomes aware of potentially problematic past or present behaviour; however given its internet context and usage I've elected to view it as a separate entity.

Internet fan spaces have regressed to a state of defensiveness- in order to promote and validate your approval of one subject you must justify why in comparison to another. This is where the effects of cancel culture come into play. Cancel culture reached its peak performativity during quarantine as the internet and social media became the primary method of protesting and spreading awareness of activism whilst maintaining social distancing and quarantining requirements. As morality became monitored and policed by a younger and younger average user base, it is natural that there was a bastardisation of the phenomenon resultant in the mass cancelling and calling out of any person who spoke or acted in a manner that wasn't deemed correct; not necessarily related to politics or activism at this point, I myself received an influx of mass hatred and cancellations to the point where I was borderline shunned by an entire gaming community for making a joke about everyone hating one of the event mini games ('whats everyones favourite game and why is it not buildmart').

This same mindset is so visibly present within the Tifosi today- both extremes find themselves comparing one driver to the other in order to justify their favour. For example, tensions have been high with Lecfosi and Team55 almost in a panicked state looking to justify why they chose to support their favourite driver with 'Carlos is gifted every achievement Charles would have beaten him if he wasn't held back ' and 'Ferrari fired the wrong driver' filling the comments of Ferrari's Instagram and Twitter posts. This has prompted fans to flock to defend their preferred driver, often in ways which contribute to the animosity. Drivers face this pseudo-cancellation as a result with twitter bios seeing additions of 'Carlos fans din' 'if you like CL16 unfollow me' after every race. Criticisms of the drivers themselves increase, they are placed under heavier scrutiny as the violence between fans increases leading to a never-ending circle of driver-to-fan hatred. it is seen as almost a moral failure within fan spaces to support the wrong driver.

I, personally, have witnessed arguments between fans in comment sections on tiktok- the most memorable being a 'share your favourite driver and why' tiktok in which a Carlos fan received comments of 'Well you know Charles is actually better because x y z'. (I'd like to point out this is not an antagonisation of Charles fans, but this is what actually happened nor am I excusing Team55 from the ability to make similar comment). The notable point here is that Charles was never mentioned, yet the mere fact of someone else preferring the wrong driver in this commenter's eyes lead to them purposefully targeting another Ferrai fan to chastise them on their decision effectively boiling the interaction down to 'you're not allowed to support this driver because I don't like him'.

This is where virtue signalling comes into play. For those unaware, virtue signalling is the public expression of opinion with the intent of alignment with a moral correctness. The internet especially in fanbases weaponises that frequently through the examples of 'dni of you support x' as discussed prior. The followup to that mindset is the feeling of requirement to discuss. For example, when a driver races poorly or is subjected to penalty, fan spaces will see an influx of posts demanding fans to defend their driver (How can you support him when he drives like that), mass criticising the driver (he doesn't deserve his seat why isn't he fired), or public statement of disapproval because of the social requirement to misalign yourself with the incorrect actions of another person without genuine belief behind the statement as oftentimes excuses will be made for their preferred person in a similar situation. At times it appears that the primary interaction of some people within the Tifosi is to engage in critical commentary on their disliked drivers.

Criticism? Or extreme negativity?

With call out and cancel culture leaving the political sphere it has severely impacted the positivity of fanbases as criticism becomes a primary, almost necessary, aspect of fan culture. Of course we talk about critical consumption in which you are able to analyse and evaluate the content which we consume and become aware of its biases and flaws, however this has snowballed to become criticise everything you consume. Thus, the animosity of the fan spaces rises once more.

Of course every driver is bound to face warranted criticism- the majority of the grid are socially unaware rich white men, they are destined to say or do something worth criticising. They are bound to say bitchy things and act in ways that you don't agree with because that is just the nature of humanity, everyone does these things. But that does not mean every single one of their actions are worth dissecting under the microscope. And the prevalent attitude of analysing drivers mannerisms, behaviours emotions and heat-of-the-moment radios and comments doesn't display the analytical eye a lot of people think it does.

A lot of attitudes in the 2024 spaces that I have personally seen have centred a Carlos negativity- there have been dire criticisms of the journalistic bias towards him across the first 3 races of the year. Of course, if you don't like him then you're bound to be tired of hearing about him. But what I found interesting was the theories being circulated that he was paying his way into the media or that there was a behind-the-scenes scheme to keep media interest on him. Now, a lot of people perceived this to be a theory based on the culture surrounding Sainz's family wealth and his father's influence when in reality it was likely to be because of the increased interest around his circumstances going into the season- no seat for 2025, rumoured negotiations with several teams, surgery and first non Red Bull win of the season. to analyse this situation critically is not to say 'well there must be a secret reason and I will investigate' but to recognise that journalism is reliant on attention grabbing headlines- a man with no job and no appendix winning a race while still in the post-surgery recovery period is exactly the kind of narrative that will garner clicks. It would have been the same had it have been any other driver in that specific set of circumstances. There is a difference between critical thinking and assumptive analyses and oftentimes they can become conflated in the desire to prove a point.

This is the issue- a lot of people engage analytically with media in order to suggest a particular narrative. Every person is subject to bias, and when that bias is unchecked it can lead to a lot of analysis that are reliant on theory, speculation and assumption in order to maintain the subconscious perspective of the writer. This is why we see a lot of people use demeaning nicknames towards Charles on twitter an simultaneously view Carlos as undeserving in instagram comments- the integral points of their perspective on the driver rest on the moments which will develop their narrative view of the driver as the lesser. Critical engagement cannot rest solely on one the positive or the negative, otherwise you failing to engage critically by cherry picking a perspective in order to maintain a narrative. That is tabloid journalism, or gossip, at best.

I Am In Misery

It is also just not healthy for you as a fan to consistently engage in negative commentary and discourse. I mean that seriously this is a PSA if your fan engagement sees your negative criticism and commentary of your disliked driver outweigh the time you spend enjoying your interest then you need to take a step back and reassess how you want to participate because that is not sustainable for your mental wellbeing.

This is not to say that you must never hate, you must never criticise or say anything bad about someone we all do it- it's natural. But you have to ask yourself if you truly enjoy using another driver to uplift your favourite. Aren't his accomplishments enough to validate him alone?

Ive noticed a complete lack of will to celebrate- in my inbox right now are maybe around 15 asks all talking about how I shouldn't be happy with this weekends performance or else I dont understand F1. I argue the inverse,

I understand F1. I understand that this weekend was not the best performance Ferrari had to offer. I understand the impact of the team racing each other and Carlos' aggression during the sprint. And I have mentioned as much. However, I choose to focus on the positive aspects of the weekend. The tyre management from both drivers was impeccable to gain 2 positions each and maintain them finishing on tyres that were 40 laps old. They made an excellent recovery from the mishaps in qualifying that ultimately earned the team and themselves more points. We maintain 2nd in the constructors championship and 3rd and 4th in the drivers. There are issues that need to be discussed and resolved but ultimately this is not the worlds worst performance.

F1 is entertainment. I want to win, I want to succeed but I also want to be entertained. My mental health has seen a series uptick since I decided to directly seek entertainment. Sure, the drivers shouldn't have been racing the way they were, it had the potential to put both cars in a detrimental position, but it sure does make things more interesting!!! There's almost a sense of parasocialism within the community- a lot of people are hesitant to look for relief beyond the emotions of their favourite driver, and subsequently view every race as a failure in some aspect (just outside of the podium, on the podium but not p1, could've done better if it wasn't for xyz) and that negatively affects their experience as a fan and for other fans who don't share that perspective. It's almost like people have forgotten to enjoy the race, they're so preoccupied with looking for something to criticise.

Now this isn't to say you're not allowed to enjoy critical assessments of the success of races. But thats not what the majority of us are posting (it might be what some of you think you're posting, but you're not). I love watching video essays on races that are done properly with acknowledgement and awareness of bias. I don't love reading posts along the lines of 'why this race actually sucked' (not a real example) because it's not built from an analytical or critical perspective, just a discussion of the race and outcome through a lens of destructive pessimism.

End

This behaviour isn't specific to the Tifosi, it's an internet wide phenomenon. But I've chosen to directly comment on it here because as I said, I've never sen a community with so much hatred for itself. As of 2024, we are all on the same team right now. We have the right to hold our own opinions of the drivers and express those. We do not have the right to argue on the validity of other fans preferences, we do not have the right to directly enter fan spaces (ie the main tags) and spread destructive negativity about a driver nor do we have the right to harass blogs for whom they chose to support.

The inherent negativity is so calamitous to the community. It perpetuates the infighting, it furthers the negative narratives we have constructed of drivers, it only contributes to divide the community as both sides earn reputations of being toxic towards each other. And to an extent, yes . It is true, and that is disappointing. You have the right to choose your favourite driver. However, Charles and Carlos are both talented drivers- there is no need to drag one down to uplift the other. It is instigating behaviour and I'm sure a lot of people comment in that manner purposefully.

Be aware of your parasocial connection to a driver. if you find yourself criticising a driver for an action that you would not criticise your favourite for executing ask yourself why you view the action as negative circumstantially. If you are only able to assess races based on what could have happened, what better could have happened then ask yourself if you find this enriching; do you leave race weekends feeling good and excited for the next race or soured because things might have been better under different circumstances. Don't ignore the problems, acknowledge them and say but what are the positives as opposed to letting the failures undermine the successes.

just have a bit of fucking fun once in a while PLEASE .

as an endnote: I do recognise that the majority of insights and examples I have given in this reflection have been at the expense of team 55, again I would like to reiterate that as someone who primarily finds themself in 55 spaces I a naturally experience a greater exposure to negativity towards that driver as it usually tends to be maintagged or sent directly to myself or other 55 centric blogs. Just as the CL16 community is more likely to be exposed to and remember hatred towards Charles. In no way am I insinuating that 55 fans are incapable of or have not acted in the the same nature, to Charles' detriment. The toxicity remains prevalent on both extremes of the community.

this is a mass response to the people in my inbox thank you for your patience I didnt want to answer like 15 different asks about everything in slightly different ways

[what-gs-watching]

"You guys are like a dead married couple on acid."

Y’ALL, I watched Dead Boy Detectives. Which really, should come as no surprise. Because of the whole Neil Gamain thing. But also because that kind of weird is right up my alley.

I have to say, I’m absolutely loving this trend of teen-shows-with-absolutely-wild-shit-happening. This was not a thing when I was younger, and I thoroughly appreciate it. Why did I only have Dawson’s Creek and Sabrina the Teenage Witch and fucking Boy Meets World? Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but what I really would have benefited from was teen drama with fucked up situations. Gen Z is kind of lucky I guess? (LOL jk except for the entire state of the world, but at least they get good shows…)

Wherein two teenaged ghosts form a detective agency to help solve cases for other ghosts that would otherwise go ignored, while running from death lest they be forced into the afterlife and separated, making friends with a psychic and other humans along the way. 

The thing is, you gotta let go with this show. It gets INCREDIBLY weird and you have to roll with it. Edwin’s death by accidental satanic sacrifice? Sure. Crystal the psychic purposely letting a demon possess her? Okay yeah. A supernatural entity that controls all cats in a small town, ridiculously named the Cat King? Harder to swallow, but I guess. A literal crow that gets turned into a boy who loves astrology? Confusing but, go on.  Incredibly aggressive and vulgar sprites eventually locked up in a jar? Actually, that’s hilarious I’m good with that. 

Truly, it’s absurd. And surprisingly violent. But also, and again no surprise, I was all about the underlying subtext between Edwin, who died in 1916, and his relationship with Charles, who died in 1989. I will always get behind a decades long ‘will they won’t they’ even if it’s between ghosts. Because I’m a fucking sucker for boys maybe being in love. And the entire trope in general. I love love, gang, even if it’s surrounded by horrible things happening. Maybe even more, if it is? I’m not sure what that says about me, but I’m WITH it. 

Also there is a TON going on in this show, they cover an incredible amount in 8 episodes. I always appreciate shows that can carry an overall storyline and smaller ones in a good balance. Monster of the week slash lore smushed together is always so satisfying. 

I’ve seen some reviews talking about the acting being less than stellar but like, they’re supposed to be kids. Everything is dramatic to kids. Who cares? They carried it as best as they could, and there isn’t anything really that stuck out to me as absolutely cringe worthy. Yeah they look older than they’re meant to but again, who cares. Let go, people. 

AND how excited was I to see the actress that played Rowena in Supernatural as the Night Nurse? Absolutely perfect choice. If they get another season I can’t wait to see her relationship with the boys grow. 

Thinking about it, maybe I like teen dramas that are absolutely not grounded in reality because it’s easier to stomach the allegories they want you to, that way. Edwin learns to confront his feelings, both about Charles and with the kid that inadvertently caused his death. Crystal struggles with her memory and the person she used to be versus the person she wants to be. Niko has to figure out how to have friends again after becoming a shut-in. Charles struggles with memories from his life and feeling powerless, choosing to paper a happy face over it instead. Jenny has to confront her distrust of literally everyone and her fear of love (even if that went  horribly wrong). 

I don’t want to be beaten over the head with life lessons (I still haven’t finished Dawson’s Creek, it’s just too much to take sometimes) but I WILL absorb them while characters fight off horrible witches and try to defeat sea monsters. Ya girl clearly needs to be tricked into learning things. Don’t we all? Isn’t it better that way?  

I mean, you’re still getting force fed those slightly saccharine sentiments, for sure, but it’s easier  to swallow.  Gimme a little bit of spice with that sweet, please. 

The point is: this show is adorable. Can a show that’s about ghosts and witches and general supernatural fuckery be adorable? I don’t care, it totally is. And it slightly quenched my unending Good Omens thirst for like, a minute, and that’s obviously incredibly hard to do. 

So, I’m here for it. Gimme more Dead Boys.

[brostateexam]

The BRF has the best medical care their damp little island can offer. I feel like King Charles, cancer survivor, is a not unlikely outcome. While this would be sad for monarchy haters everywhere, it would be extremely funny to watch everyone who hates him (which afaict is basically everyone? This is not a popular man!) struggle with the fact that he sucks and has sucked his whole life versus performing the cultural script we have for cancer survivors, about how they're brave and inspirational and we love them.

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 30th of September, 2023

This is speculation only

Cards drawn on the 29th of September, 2023

Why is Harry still on the royal website as a working royal?

Interpretation: The person whose job it is to make this decision, is not making the decision.

Card One: The Five of Wands

This is a card of conflict and disagreements, Harry's presence of the website is a matter for arguments within the royal family. Some people (most people) want him removed or transferred to another page, a few don't care, and a few (at least one) wants him to remain on the page with the other working royals.

Wands is the card of PR, so there are PR reasons involved as well. Those arguing for Harry to remain on the website are concerned about the image of the BRF - they don't want the BRF to be seen as the big bad meanie who has removed Harry from the website, because that will feed into the Harkle victim/racism narrative. Others understand the concern but argue that keeping Harry there does more damage to the BRF than moving him.

Card Two: The Six of Wands, in reverse

The energy of this card is that of being defeated and giving up. The energy is that they (not everyone, but some of the people advising on this matter) don't want to remove Harry from the page on the website because it would be admitting defeat/admitting that he is a failure. It doesn't make sense because we all know that Harry has failed at establishing a separate life for himself, but that is the energy.

I hear the words ' We can't confirm that he is failure' and I feel worry about his mental health. The energy is of not wanting to do something that could be interpreted as Harry being a failure by the media, as they don't want that plastered all over the papers.

I also get the energy that removing Harry would close the door on him returning as a working royal some time in the future, and that is not a decision that some people are ready to make.

Card Three: The Page of Swords

This is a card of gossip, especially spiteful gossip. It is also the card of messages, especially messages that are strategies of some sort or that shape how people think, and it is a card about children (pages are children).

Pages are children and swords are thoughts and health/medical issues, so there is definitely concern about Harry's (child of the king) mental health (page, swords suit) here.

The main energy of this card is gossip. The BRF know that any changes to the website will be discussed all over the world. They want to make sure that any changes won't add to the burden on Harry's mental health and that they are prepared for the world wide scrutiny that will follow any changes.

Underlying Energy: The Two of Swords

This is someone who has to decide about Harry's place on the website and who does not want to make that decision, so they are doing nothing in the hope that the situation will resolve itself before the need to make a decision becomes part of a crisis.

The decision is difficult for this person because the logical thing to do (Swords are logical thought) is to remove Harry, but they don't want to do that because of the message it sends (Harry is definitely no longer part of The Firm). So they are avoiding the issue and hoping that something comes along to fix it for them. They also feel that making this decision would be seen as taking sides (William versus Harry) and they want to remain neutral.

As always with the Two of Swords, there is a bit of time left to make a decision, but if no decision is made then something will happen to take the matter out of the hands of the person who is undecided.

Clarifiers: The King of Cups, The Empress, The Emperor.

I drew three clarifiers for the Two of Swords, asking 'Who is the person who has to make this decision".

The first clarifier was the King of Cups. This is King Charles, a water sign Scorpio (the King of Cups is a Scorpio person), in his role as a father.

The second clarifier was the Empress, which is a loving, nurturing, supportive energy, a mothering energy, caring, kind and forgiving.

The third clarifier was the The Emperor, which is King Charles in his role as King and ruler of Great Britain and the Commonwealth Realms.

Taken together, these tell me that the person who is not making the decision to remove Harry is King Charles, and the reason he is not making this decision is because he is torn between what he should do to protect the BRF as an institution and his desire to protect and nurture his son as Harry's father. He is unable to put his personal feelings aside and do what is the best for the BRF. Whether you this this as a strength or a failing depends on your point of view.

Conclusion:

There is a lot of conflict in the royal family over whether to remove Harry from the website or not. Issues that are involved include playing into Harry's victim/racism narrative, his mental health, and the finality of such a decision (shows the world Harry is no longer a member of The Firm). The person who has the ultimate say in this matter does not want to make the decision, partly because they see it as 'taking sides' with one child against the other, and partly because their emotional side (keep Harry on the website) is in conflict with logical thought (remove Harry to show he is separate from The Firm). Eventually, either a decision will be made or matters will be taken out of this person's hands and a decision will be either made for them or forced upon them by external circumstances.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I love your nuanced takes. They are always a joy to read.

I'd be curious which songs, beatles or solo, do you think they wrote for/about each other and their situation (beatles&solo).

You don't have to go into great detail on them if you don't wanna.

Hope you have a great day. <3

Hi anon :) Glad you enjoy my takes! Hope you have a great day too <3

Preface that while I think this is fun, I really don't generally think songs are a good vehicle to extrapolate about the real life of these people. So, I try not to base my analyses of them as people on these songs, even the ones I feel more strongly about.

I'll categorize these by how certain I am about them (and I'll leave out confirmed stuff like Too Many People, Early 1970, How Do You Sleep?, Run of the Mill, Here Today etc.)

If you have a question re: why some specific song is in this category and not the other I can try to explain, though some of it is admittedly just vibes (and since I try to separate this from the Main Analysis™, I feel okay utilizing the vibes as a justification at times lol) If I left a song off you'd like my take on feel free to ask as well.

Close to positive:

Day Tripper is imho at least partially about Paul. This one feels so obvious to me, given what John said about it and the timeline (written squarely before Paul took LSD, conveniently after the whole LA fiasco), yet I rarely see people talking about it. Sad! It could also be partially about Cynthia.

Tug of War: Paul said it was about John in 1982 but then retconned that. IDK why he did that but. Come on!

I Know (I Know): I nearly put this one a tier lower but the I've Got A Feeling intro and the way it fits in the timeline. The Getting Better reference. It matching up with Paul's description of them tripping together + "share in each other's mind". It's too much.

A compelling case can be made:

In My Life: it makes a lot of sense. But Paul isn't the only likely muse IMO. he might be the most likely one, I'm not sure. I Know (I Know) makes me tend more to it though, admittedly.

3 Legs: yeah. Probably! It's not entirely clear to me what he's expressing outside a feeling of betrayal though.

Oh! Darling: Likely about John, but perhaps actually about the band as a whole.

The Answer's at the End: the way George quoted that same saying when asked about Paul in that live chat… THE IMPLICATIONS! (at least that maybe George came to associate the song with Paul later on?)

Remember: I tend to think this song is specifically about running away from the Beatles. There's more sadness in it, given John references Bring It On Home in the lyrics.

Who Can See It: this one also appears to be about George's general relationship with the Beatles. I don't think this is a hot take but no one talks about this song lol. I love it!

Cafe On The Left Bank: the song referencing Charles de Gaulle making a speech does place this quite firmly in the 60s. It's not really a love song though so I don't get why people consider this one such a win lol. It seems to mostly be about the city of Paris itself.

I like to think it's true but am admittedly not sure:

Call Me Back Again: it's a vague song, really. But damn… those mellotron flutes.

#9 Dream: IDK. this versus "The dream is over". the production-style. I like reading this song as a reconciliation with The Beatles as a concept.

Little Lamb Dragonfly: the whole being haunted by the dragonfly even though you're trying to move on thing :/

No Words: COME ON??????? but the Denny writing credit does puzzle me lol.

Crippled Inside: it would be soooooo devastating @ Paul!!! (probably only partially, possibly also self-directed)

Could have been inspired by the other but not necessarily in the way people think:

Some People Never Know: I do think Paul felt John was cynical in the way he's describing in this song. (I don't really think I Know (I Know) is a response to this song btw)

Silly Love Songs: ditto. He is Not fucking saying "I love you" (romantically) to John in the song he's duetting with his wife lol. but it could be a cheeky lil nod.

We Can Work It Out: I believe Paul when he says this was written about a fight he'd had with Jane. But Paul was also in conflict with John at the time (again, the LSD thing), thus I think that might have in some way informed his outlook when writing this. And John may have been thinking about their conflict while writing his part.

Let Me Roll It: it sounds a lot like John, yeah! but idk about the lyrics.

Look At Me: it could be about Paul, but it could be about the whole world, really. It's more a wish to be seen and understood really.

Dear Boy: I'm annoyed by people insisting Paul is lying when he says the inspiration is Linda's ex-husband. She's co-credited (and she actually isn't credited on every Ram song. I don't think the credit was "handed" to her, at least not at this point in time)! That being said, Paul may have bonded with Linda over feeling unappreciated in their previous life situations.

Yvonne's The One: Look. I think John's death really shifted how Paul felt about telling people he loved them. That may well have influenced the lyrics song. I don't think it's necessarily that literal.

However Absurd: ditto. This song is even more abstract so it feels even less literal.

?????? Who Knows

If I Fell: usually I think no it couldn't possibly. But– (And I don't find that Valentines card very compelling, no. but it's just like: well then who else would this song John called very personal about? I guess, for all I know, it could even be Brian. wow!)

Girl: I mean. Maybe! Sort of. They also said at the time it was about religion, and that makes a lot of sense, but it could still be that the character of the girl was inspired by how John felt about Paul at the time.

I'm So Tired: it seems equally likely to be about Yoko to me.

Don't Let Me Down: ditto. Actually. this one's more likely Just about Yoko tbh.

I'm Losing You: maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. but also. Yoko.

Now And Then: genuinely who knows. this one's admittedly stranger for Yoko but… they did "interrupt" their relationship often, requiring to "start again". Also May is an option.

The Pound Is Sinking: Mostly, I don't know how straightforward it is.

Honestly… Not really

(Just Like) Starting Over: the "My Love", "Another Day", "Wings" thing has never compelled me, based on those being OLD songs by 1980, plus none of the phrasing or word choice is particularly conspicuous to me. But I also don't feel very strongly that it's not about Paul. It could be, though I don't know that I'd assume it was meant as a direct declaration of love then. Also the line before being a reference to Through The Looking Glass is neither here nor there. Since when is John Lennon dropping Lewis Caroll references only reserved for Paul? that feels like putting the cart before the horse, based on one single lyric in Glass Onion.

I've Got A Feeling: I think he's just saying words here, tbh.

Real Love: if it's about Paul that's fucking depressing. But I don't think it is really.

[ausetkmt]

WEMU: Author Veronica Johnson is capturing the stories of jazz women from Detroit

John Bommarito spoke to author Veronica Johnson about her oral history project about women in Detroit jazz on his program The Song Break.

TRANSCRIPTION:

John Bommarito: My guest on the Song Break today is a Detroit-based journalist and oral historian who is, in addition to her regular writing duties, working on something WEMU listeners will certainly be interested in knowing more about a project documenting woman in jazz music--Detroit Women in jazz music specifically. Welcome, Veronica Johnson, to the WEMU airwaves. How are you today?

Veronica Johnson: I'm good. Thanks for having me, John.

John Bommarito: It is my pleasure. Tell me a little bit about yourself. Where did you grow up?

Veronica Johnson So, I'm born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. Currently, I live in Redford, Michigan, which is just outside of Detroit. But, yeah, born and raised, west side of Detroit. So, I'm Detroit through and through.

John Bommarito: Very good. And what was on the radio when your parents were in charge of the dial versus when you took control?

Veronica Johnson: Well, I mean, my mom, she really loved my old school music. So, you know, I grew up being in a car listening to, like, the Isley Brothers or Earth, Wind and Fire, all of that. So, I'm definitely I think there are was also old soul. So, I've been listening to, like, that older R&B type of music all my life.

John Bommarito: Sure.

Veronica Johnson: And that's why I think I have definitely a great appreciation for it now, but I didn't really get into jazz until I got to college. I'm a minor with the music, and I took a music history course. It was on jazz, so it was just so much about the music that I didn't know. I was just like, "Wow!" you know, I heard of Miles Davis, John Coltrane, but just kind of really digging deep into their music and how much of an impact they had on the genre, as well as other genres as well. So, yeah, I just kind of got hooked on jazz music after that. And my major was actually in journalism, so I kind of fused my two passions together. So, that's kind of how I ended up writing about jazz music.

John Bommarito: Who got you interested in writing? Was there a particular author that inspired you?

Veronica Johnson: Well, actually, when I was younger, I started I kind of writing poetry. So, like, my grandmother, she was like a big inspiration on me. She wasn't a writer, but she kind of always championed my work. And, you know, I always would write different poems like that. And she always used to like to brag to her friends and have me read it aloud. So, I kind of started out writing poetry. But when I got in high school, I took a journalism class, and I realized I really kind of liked that art form and platform being able to kind of let people know what's going on. So, I definitely kind of started down the path of going into journalism after taking some courses in high school, and then I majored in it in college.

John Bommarito: My guest today on the Song Break is author Veronica Johnson, working on a project documenting Detroit women in jazz music. When did you start this project, and what was really your inspiration for starting? You just felt like Detroit needed a highlight?

Veronica Johnson: I mean, I've been covering jazz artists for a while on different outlets, but I'd say getting more into jazz and particularly learning more about Detroit jazz. I actually want to give a shoutout to my mentors like Charles Latimer. And he's a Detroit writer, Metro time jazz writer, and also Jim Gallert and Lars Bjorn. They actually wrote a book about Detroit jazz called "Before Motown: A History of Jazz in Detroit." So, just learning more about Detroit jazz and, obviously, so many obviously great male musicians from Detroit, likeMarcus Belgrave, Ron Carter, Paul Chambers, people like that. But, obviously, I was like, "Where's the female musicians? I know they're here." And I just really wanted to dig more deep into that. And I did a lot of research. You know, there's musicians that had a great impact on Detroit, like Terry Pollard, the great piano player. Alice Coltrane, obviously, everybody knows her being there with John Coltrane. She's from Detroit. She was a great piano player and harpist. So, yeah, I just really started digging deep into more on Detroit jazz. And I was just like, "I want to give a platform to these woman musicians. They're making just as much of an impact as male musicians, but I don't see a whole lot of them." And if I do, I don't see a lot written about them. So, I kind of just started on path, actually. My first interview was in 2018. I interviewed a musician named Carol McKinney. She's actually part of the--everybody knows--the McKinney kind of family, you know? Dalen, who's a great drummer from here in Detroit. This is her aunt. She's actually a saxophone player. So, I started playing at Bert one time, and I was just like, "Who is that? I really want to know about you. I don't see a whole lot of female saxophone players either."

John Bommarito: No.

Veronica Johnson: So, I actually did my first interview back in 2018. So, from there, I just kind of started musicians who I was familiar with. I've interviewed a lot of vocalists, a lot of piano players. Obviously, this kind of almost doesn't really have an end to it because there's so many female musicians that are doing so much great work here in Detroit and metro Detroit. Yeah, I've got about 21 interviews under my belt so far.

John Bommarito: Who have been some of the favorites that you've done so far?

Veronica Johnson: Well, I mean, everybody I think is special about this. Everybody has just, like, their own unique story. So, my thing is I just love hearing how they got started and things like that. I have the same questions like, "How did you get started in music and all that?" I guess if I just had to pick, I mean, like I've interviewed just about everybody from straight ahead. So, like, Mary Hayden--she's awesome. I got to mention Gaelynn McKinney. Mickey Braden, Elena Moore. So, those, I guess are some of the ones that have been really memorable. But, again, just musicians that are doing really great work. But, again, you don't hear about a lot of. A musician named Taslim Abay--she's a really amazing stride piano player. She had a really amazing story. I've interviewed a lot of vocalists--Ursula Walker, she's amazing. I interviewed her back in 2019. Those are the few that come to mind, but everybody I've interviewed definitely has a unique story.

John Bommarito: Who is still on the wish list? And how are you tracking these people down?

Veronica Johnson: Yeah, a lot of it, I mean, thankfully, I've connected a lot with musicians. When I do an interview, I'll say, "Hey, who do you think I should interview next?" or X-Y-Z. I'm going to get tons of names of different musicians, but definitely actually is next on my list. I've been doing a lot of local musicians, but I've actually would like to interview some people, obviously, that are like super national, like Regina Carter. I had an opportunity to interview her last year about the Detroit Jazz Fest when she was given the NEA jazz Masters and all that. But, obviously, she's from Detroit. So, even though she's obviously had a larger platform, but I definitely want to add her to the list. She's on there. Sheila Jordan is another one. You know, obviously, she's, I think, in her 90s, but she's from Detroit. So, I definitely want to get her story as well. So, yeah, I got a lot more to go obviously. But those are just a couple that I definitely want to get to sooner than later.

John Bommarito: Looking forward to when we were going to be able to consume this. When is it going to be able to be seen by the public?

Veronica Johnson: So, I'm actually working with a grassroots organization here in Detroit called The Detroit Sound Conservancy. I used to be a board member. I've been a part of it for a long time. So, they're really passionate about making sure that Detroit music is preserved. And they actually doing a lot of work at their store in actually the Bluebird Inn, which was a famous club back in like the 40s and 50s. They actually own the building now. And they're restoring it and turning into an archival location for Detroit music and things like that, so, working with them, trying to get it out there. I've worked with a couple of organizations who really anchor now with the Detroit Sound Conservancy. So, I'm hoping toget everything digitized. Everything obviously has been recorded, but just working with them to get everything digitized. And then, hopefully, my goal is to have everything--at least the interviews I've done so far--out there by next year. And, my goal is to work with BFC to do an exhibit. I would love to work with these musicians to, again, just have a place where they can go with the platform they have or other people that aren't familiar or may not be familiar with their music can go and learn more about them. And, you can check out their oral histories and all that. So, that's just a couple of things I have to work on.

John Bommarito: On the Song Break today, we're chatting with Veronica Johnson. Veronica, thanks for taking the time to explain what you're working on. And where can people find out more about you in particular at this point--about your writing and the things you've done so far?

Veronica Johnson: So, I do freelancing for a couple of publications: Metro Times, some stuff with them, Moderately Media. Also, I write monthly jazz reviews, album reviews for Downbeat, doing some stuff with them, hopefully doing some features soon as well. So, yeah, obviously, people can get in touch with me on Facebook as well. If there's, again, any musicians out there--female musicians--that you think I should be getting their story, definitely feel free to reach out to me on social media.

John Bommarito: I also found Roots Rhythm and Rhyme.WordPress.com is a place to find out some of your previous work, so I don't know if you're embarrassed by that. You shouldn't be, but that's a good resource as well. Roots Rhythm and Rhyme.WordPress.com. Check that out. Thank you so much for your time, Veronica. Good luck with the project. We look forward to seeing it when it's all finished and ready to go.

Veronica Johnson: Thanks for having me, John.

John Bommarito: My pleasure. Music from one of the artists you've spoken to up next. Joan Belgrave was on that list of people you sent me, so we're going to get something from her album "Excitable" right now on the Song Break on 89 one WEMU.

[laura1633]

sassy and jimmy being little assholes to the charles because they saw max’s hickeys and heard moans, so they always trying to make his life worse😇 and max laughs tenderly, hugging jimmy while watching charles, who trying to fight with sassy who will be sitting on max’s lap this time (he loses)

Sorry I totally missed this ask when it came in my inbox the other day but it's brilliant. I love Charles versus Jimmy and Sassy 😂

Max is totally oblivious to the whole thing and Charles doesn't really want to bring it up incase he is being paranoid but he is almost 100% certain that Jimmy and Sassy are ganging up on him.

They curl lovingly around Max's legs as he walks but when it comes to Charles it feels more like they are trying to trip him up. He has lost count of the number of times he's almost landed face first after Sassy has shot right in front of his legs.

They snuggle up nicely with Max when he falls asleep on the couch but when Charles happens to take a nap in the living room he is woken by Jimmy clawing at his feet.

They also seem to be trying to monopolise Max's time, which Charles knows sounds crazy but whenever he tries to sit in his boyfriend's lap one of them scoots in first and purrs loudly in victory.

Jimmy and Sassy are just fiercely protective of their dad and they've seen all the marks Charles has left on him and they've heard how loud Max moans when Charles is "playing" with him and they are doing their best to work the Monegasque out.

Max is just happy because he gets lots of cuddles and attention from all three of them.

[vsyrworld]

challenge : describe a moment in situation with domestic conversation but privates meaning

so here i go. charlos private moments ft team 55

//

the warm lights illuminating the white brown marble countertop where carlos made a mess with his dirty of shreddered coffee beans. The smell is nice as the hot water steamed into thin air, it's coffee (of course), but that does not mean Charles has to start liking one.

He curled up on his dining chair, pen in the right finger sketching on a fake paper he holds with his folded knee (ipad, lando laugh at him and said 'it's an ipad'. but for him, any surfaces for drawing beside paper and canvas, it's consider as a fake).

He might focus on his sketch, but he could feel Caco' eyes trailing down his finger movement. He brushed up and down, change a pen brush to a pencil, rounding his wrist, scribble then add some shadding, Caco moves the same.

After all, carlos' cousin is sitting across of him in the dining table. His palm around his mug, twirling it in the air as if a mocktail. Well, is Charles care enough, he could start building some trust or affiliation or just chitchatting since they are sitting facing each other. But, he saved it for next time.

Meanwhile, a slurping coffee sounds came from rupert, just one chair away from charles' left side. He had the perfect pairing, cookies on the plate. Eyes on Carlos movement in front of him.

The gaze Rupert gives to carlos versus caco to him is certainly had different intesity, different meaning, different question and thoughts (actually charles is 100% sure. rupert eyes on carlos doesn't mean anything, he just sometimes zoned out. like a trainer like an athlete).

Charles didn't care enough though. Even with Caco takes another sip of his handmade coffee, still observing Charles hands movement.

Instead, his mind wanders into some past event. Because of his brain is too full, too cramped with memories, nightmares, bad race, good race, bad days, charles is drawing and calls his teammate.

"Carlos"

"Yess?"

Rupert still munchin his cookies, Caco stays the same like before.

Charles takes his time to finished some pencil strikes, just a little strand of black hair he is drawing. Carlos doesn' pushed him either, busy dealing with something at back of kitchen counter.

When he finished the hair, he changes into a brush pen and start picking up some ferrari colors,

"Honestly," Charles starts truthfully, like he always did to Calros. Then he start talking at the same time he is painting his paper red.

"I don't know what to answer Ollie' questions."

Carlos let a hum behind the counter top, "Really? But you answered him pretty well"

This time Caco and Rupert head turned at him (and Carlos). He knows, even when he doesn't truly see them.

Another paint streaks down, "Now the more I think about it" he cracked his neck to the left and continue to drawing,

"Why do I continue racing while it always giving me, this, same loss over the years?"

Caco raises his eyebrows. Of course he is. He is an outsider.

But Carlos understand. What loss meaning for Charles. Only him, because Charles let him see, let him know, let him in. To his private life.

"Love is ironic no? To say that I keep going because I love racing. At the same time..." Charles realized he fucked up the color

He wriggles a bit on his chair, fixing his hoddies sleves then erased some of error, "At the same time, racing fucked my life. They took away... my loves one" Charles' already on his second color, it's a warm honey bee yellow.

"My problem is always the same, though" He sighed. Tired of hugging his knee, he put his ipad on dining table.

"Is that I love people. And people that I Iove is leaving me. Then it goes alll around like that again and again..." he strokes a couple of shading, "and again." adding some highlights.

"And I wished I am heartless"

"I certainly wish you doesn't" Carlos speaks up, with a sudden presence of a warm mug beside his ipad.

Charles smelled and a smile peaking up his dimples to rise. He brought the mug closer to his noser, "Seriously, Honey milk?"

Carlos body warming his back. His hand placed firmly against Charles wooden chair.

"Your all the time favorite" he grins wide

"It is" Charles takes a sip with Carlos watching him (And certainly 180 degree different feeling when it's Carlos rather than Caco or Rupert. Even they do exactly the same; looking at him)

"Like it?" Carlos gives him an eyebrow raised

"Love it" A white milk line up on his upper lips and Charles happily lick them clean with his own tougue.

"This is why i don't think you shouldn't be heartless. I don't think you could be either." Carlos squeeze his shoulder, before taking a sit beside him

Of course. Charles also knows, he is a love person. He couldn't and probably wouldn't ever stop loving. Even though it's stupid and hurting

"What do you know about me?" he groans, eyes completely off the ipad now as the device locked and turn into black pitch

Caco squeked on his chair (Charles smiles, knowing that he is triggered), Rupert take a glance to both of them worried (he always be), while Carlos...

he just on his goofy mood today.

"I don't know you very much actually" white lies escape smooth like a butter as they're both smiling.

"what do you want me to know something about you?" Carlos asked, tilting his head. Eyes never leaving him

Charles squirm under his gaze. "my..." dimples showing as he giggles, he fake his thinking gesture, "what do i want for dinner?"

Carlos rolled his eyes.

"I know, Carbonara it is. Your liking"

Charles smiled and nodded as he watches Carlos arise from his chair, Taking sip from Charles' honey milk cups, on the same place charles lips settled. Carlos is still standing beside him, hands hanging loose in the air.

"I love it" He simply agree to whatever Carlos choose for dinner. Not minding a blush start spreading over his cheek. love you, he want to said. Caco gaze burning on him.

"Yes and I think that is what makes you still here" Carlos smiled at him. Warm like a sun.

That is what, Carlos means love. And here, means settling down in Carlos' Maranello apartemen. After hours and hours, they're spending their time to re learn and re analize this season. What went good and bad, what to do for next year. Until moon rises and Charles realized it is too late for him to go back Monaco then Carlos tugs his arm,

come home with me

and he follows, and he is here. Explained why charles here with Caco and Rupert scrutinizing him. Explained why, Carlos cooks him a dinner.

Charles hides his emotion pretty well, he thought. But when he pick up his ipad again, the dimples reflected through the screen, mocking him with three words (you loves him)

"What do you draws?" Carlos breaths softly against his crown head. Almost like a feather light kisses. Charles purrs

He blinks slowly and finally look across the table. Giving Caco a brief eye contact before craning his neck to meet Carlos behind him.

Carlos cheek is tan, smooth and clean. Smells good, citrus aftershave. Perfect, Charles thinks. So, he brings his ipad up, covering his whole face and half of Carlos' profile. He leans into Carlos' space and making sure Caco' trailing gaze fails him.

Rupert swallowed his last cookie, Caco drinks his empty coffee mug. Not that Charles can sees them anyway from behind his ipad. He doesn't care then closes the gap in.

After an utter silence, Charles cringe at the way how Carlos' high pitched dolphin laughter filled the apartement. That sounds so weird. It so stupid, he shakes his head. Then, he is putting down his ipad, making him visible again in Caco' vision.

"Pasta un lunga?" Charles pushed Carlos's arse towards to kitchen. That bastard still laughing.

"It's penne, mon bebe" Carlos mocking him while preparing a pan of boiling water.

Charles groans in annoyance. Of course , Carlos' carbonara is always lunga and Charles is always complaint.

"Do we have penne?" Rupert asks out of curious. Charles back busying himself with another sketch, secretly smiling as Carlos answered his trainer by "No, come on. Carbonara is lunga!"

But later then, when Carlos is plating the carbonaras in the dining table, three plates serves the lunga. And one penne, still sizzling warm in the pan.

>>>

Rupert ask him on the next day,

"What did Charles draws?" He asked while Carlos is driving three of them to airport. Rupert just so eager to back home and grinding down Carlos again with lots and lots of winter training.

But Carlos drives in his unusual calmness, like he doesn't want to leave Maranello fast, like his body, his souls lingering at his apartement. Somehow didn't match with Rupert and Caco excitement.

"Uhm, no. He didn't show anything" Carlos took some time to answered him.

Rupert takes a glance and find fondness in Carlos eyes. He hummed, but Caco interrups in,

"Did he truly is?"

"Yes. Does he ever shows anything?"

Rupert raised his eyebrows at Carlos immediate answer. Later on he realized his athlete is smiling.

>>

later,, carlos said to charles at the dawn. the monegaque bid him a quick farewell before went inside his own car.

it's already midnight when they touched down Spain but Carlos cheek is still warm from Charles' lips.

[leclercenjoyer]

uh

"pierre?" charles says, voice small, "are you still awake?" the arm she has around pierres middle tightens, pulling them closer together. shes warm against pierres back. 

"what is it, squid?" 

"how did you know you were into guys?" and the question is so unexpected it throws pierre for a loop. theres layers to that question, she knows, ones that her sleepy brain isnt equipped to process at the moment. 

"dunno," pierre answers honestly, "probably some actor I thought was hot. or, you remember that drummer from that band i was really into-" 

"yeah but i mean like. actual guys. guys in real life." and charles sounds a bit frustrated, like pierre isnt getting it. 

"darling, what is this about?" Pierre asks, and grabs charles hand, strokes her thumb across the back of charles' hand, aiming for soothing. 

"i dont know if i ever… got that. you know that 'oh shit, hes hot' moment. i always thought everyone was exaggerating, or playing it up because they were supposed to. i thought i was supposed to." 

pierre thinks of teen nights spent in charles' room, reading girly magazines, how charles had never seemed quite as enthused now that she's looking back with the clarity of hindsight. she squeezes charles' hand, urges her to continue. 

"but now, with you, its different," and pierres heart thumps in her chest, but charles continues, "like, i get it now." 

"get what, angel?" pierre prompts, and she has an inkling of what charles is getting at, but she wants her to say it, knows itll help to put it into words. 

"what its supposed to feel like."

pierres breath hitches, and she curbs the urge to roll over and kiss charles silly, knows its probably easier for charles to get it all out like this, with pierres back to her. 

"i thought it was normal, just. you know, regular best friend stuff. i used to… god, this is fucking stupid, but i used to compare them to you. like, how i felt around them, versus how i felt around you. and they never matched up, not even close." 

and thats not something charles has ever told her before. theres so much, just in that statement, so much charles is trusting her with. 

"but it all makes sense, now," charles continues, "because with them i used to feel. i dont know, awkward. in the way. like i was playing a part and i didnt know my lines."

pierre laces their fingers together. 

"but with you it feels. right. you make me feel wanted. sexy, even. i never got that. before."

and the way charles is saying all this, pierre can tell shes been thinking about this a lot, knows her well enough to know shes been putting the lines together in her head, scripting it out as a way to put her thoughts into order. she squeezes charles' hand again, pulls it up to her mouth to press a tiny kiss to her palm, to the delicate skin of her wrist. 

"basically what im trying to say is, ive never felt like this about anyone, before you. and its a little scary but also not. because its you." 

and pierre cant take it anymore, has to kiss her right now, because she can, so she lets go of charles' hand and turns around in her arms, feeling around with her hands in the dark until she finds charles' soft cheek, finds the corner of her mouth with her thumb and leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss to her lips. 

"ive never felt like this before, either," she says, voice earnest and choked, "like, ive been attracted to people. but ive never been in love before." 

and the words left unsaid in that statement ring loud in the silence, before, before. before now. charles freezes, and pierre freezes, heart in her throat, barely daring to breathe because shes laid it all out now, theres no going back, and she has a moment to worry shes fucked it all up, before charles pipes up:

"i think im a lesbian," she blurts out, and theres a beat of silence before she breaks into wheezing giggles, the sweetest sound pierre has ever heard, and fuck, but pierre loves her. 

"fuck, im sorry, im sorry, if i didnt say it now i was never gonna get it out," charles chokes out between wheezes, "hang on, hang on," and she takes a deep breath, trying to get herself under control, and pierre cant help her own little laugh. 

"easy, squid," she says, stroking her thumb across charles' cheekbone, waiting for her to calm down. it takes her a few moments, a few false starts where it seems shes gotten it under control before she breaks again, and pierre waits, because no. matter what, she will always, always wait for charles. 

"i love you," charles says finally, when she can catch her breath again, and its nothing they havent said to each other before, except, "im in love with you. youre it, for me." 

and pierres heart squeezes in her chest, lighter than its ever felt before, and she leans in to press another kiss to her lips. 

"youre it for me, too," and pierre is pretty sure its been coming for a while, but to have it laid out like this feels like. she doesnt have a point of comparison. theres nothing like this in the world, shes pretty sure, tripping headfirst into love with her favorite person in the world, and knowing she'll match her every step of the way.

"and congrats on the lesbianism," she adds, because she wants to hear charles' bright peal of laughter again, matches it with her own before she muffles them both with a kiss. 

[andromedaexists]

The Death I Gave Him || Em X. Liu

★★★★★

TW: SELF HARM (ON PAGE, WARNED), SUICIDAL IDEATION, SUICIDE (PAST, MENTIONED), MAJOR + SIDE CHARACTER DEATH

I feel like I need to mention how this book was recommended to me

Now that we know this very relevant background: The Death I Gave Him is one of the most mind meltingly fucked up thing I've read in a while, and I've gotten into erotic horror as of late

It is a queer and sci-fi retelling of hamlet that managed to be even more fucked up than the original, something I didn't think possible. Did it hit the sci-fi mark? Yes absolutely as soon as Horatio was introduced that was a yes. Is it queer? 100% it is because idk how else to describe what happens with Hayden and Horatio. Is it Hamlet??? Absolutely it is Hamlet may not be present by name but good fucking lord is the story interwoven into the very fabric of this book.

This book is also very unique in it's presentation, which I fucking love omg. It starts with a prologue that's less of a prologue and more of an academic introduction into the rest of the book. You see, this book and the recounting of what happened that night in Elsinore Labs is a recreation by a student a hundred years later based on what remaining evidence they have of the events. This is really fucking cool!!! Please give me more books like this!!! Learning about the student and their motivations through footnotes in the book is so fucking awesome!! Seeing where they had evidence for what happened versus where they created a fictional account based on personality, probability, and remaining dialog…. Stunning. Truly.

I also quite loved the interspersing of mediums in this book. We have traditional fictionalized prose mixed in with excerpts from Felicia's article after the events mixed in with readings from Horatio's systems and message logs from Felicia's pager!

It's all just so brilliant.

I'm making the call here to add the spoiler warning because I want to get into the characters a bit, so just be warned [SPOILERS AHEAD]

So, as per Hamlet, the first thing to happen is the death of the King. This time, our King is Dr. Graham Lichfield. A renowned scientist and researcher working on the Sisyphus Formula.

His son is Hamlet, of course. He's known as Hayden in this book and we get to see his descent into madness mostly through other people's (or other AI's) eyes. He is a pathetic man with no spine, just the way Hamlet should be.

Hayden's Uncle is Charles, of course. He didn't work on research with Graham and Hayden, but he does run the labs more or less.

Then we have the security guard: Rasmussen. I think he's supposed to be a stand in for Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, but honestly I read Hamlet back in high school and though I watch it at least once a year (David Tennant is the best Hamlet, I will die on this hill), I don't really ever remember Rosencrantz & Gildenstern. So this is just an educated guess.

From here, we have the Xia's. Felicia Xia and her father, Paul Xia. They are security and they are our Ophelia and Polonius. The brother exists as well in Arthur Xia, however he is not physically in the building and does not show up until literally the last chapter.

That leaves one. Horatio. Also knows as the Elsinore Labs Operating System. He is the AI of the building that has slowly gained consciousness over Hayden's life. He is also intrinsically linked to Hayden after the man turns on his NeuralLink so we know a lot about what's going on in Hayden's head because that's where Horatio resides.

Of course another key player in Hamlet was his mother, and while she is present as a character, she is not physically in the building.

And why do I keep saying physically in the building? Well that's because after the death of Graham; Hayden, Charles, Rasmussen, Paul and Felicia Xia, and Horatio are locked into Elsinore Labs. That's right, this is a locked door thriller.

This book is everything to me, like I am genuinely just so…. god I can't even think of the words for it and I am writing this the day after I finished it!!!

I was on the edge of my seat the entire way through the book, especially when we get lines like these:

It was Hayden Lichfield who I remembered. Not because he was brilliant (though he was), but because he was afraid.

Hayden Lichfield was afraid of death, because he was afraid of failure, and he spent his whole life trying to reverse it.

Hayden was not like me, but he was afraid of the same things that I was, and his fear changed the world.

What we understand of Horatio is inextricably entangled in what we understand of Hayden.

I would haunt you very cautiously. Leave some vague messages alluding to my existential dread in your shower every morning. Nothing special.

The Sisyphus Formula wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you're afraid to die?

Then be afraid. I will take you afraid and alive over anything else.

He splits himself open, willing or not, digs fingers into himself, thinks maybe the edges of death are pressing in at the edges, maybe finally he will find repentance here at the end of all things.

Just because you've been a jackass doesn't mean you've messed everything up irrevocably. You'll have good days and shit days and eventually there'll just be days, you know?

I am feral for this book, I am foaming at the mouth. I need to be buried with this book when I die. This book is intrinsically a part of who I am not in the same way that The Teras Trials and Bloom are. It speaks to something in my very soul

Anyways! I think that's really all I can say on this book without writing a whole ass analysis of it (which I would gladly do if people wanted that), so I will leave it here!