#ventish rant

[ryuatewater]

You know how some people pick up the personality traits of characters they roleplay as?

Well it happens to me too

But like only the negative traits???

I used to rp as Ranboo a lot back in 2020

I was literally known as ranboo by my friends like that was my name

Well fun thing about Ranboo's character is that he had memory issues and would often sleepwalk and hear voices

Well that became an issue after a month or two of roleplaying as him

The memory stuff healed after a while i have okay memory now

Also my test tube blog

Yk how i just make test tube "sleep" and then leave the blog for a few days so she stays "asleep" all that time

WELL I FUCKING SLEEP ALMOST ALL DAY

IVE FUCKING SLEPT TROUGH LITERAL 24 HOURS

my parents didnt even wake me up i was literally so shocked when i woke up that day i seriously cried

These arent even personality traits theyre just coincidences but i think somethings seriously wrong with me

Hearing voices calling out my name at random times and just sleeping a whole 24 hours isnt the most normal thing to happen to someone?!

[mineralmonarch]

Up late at night. Thinking. Yet again...

I really hate the idea of losing my partners, not like in the way of the relationship ends but in the way of their life is gone. Their life is so precious to me, and I hate thinking about if they weren't there, I hope it doesn't happen. I've lost a lot in my life so far, some of it I'm still processing, and the thought of losing my loves breaks me. I want them to be safe. I want them to be okay. I fear the future sometimes. It's uncertain, I just want to make sure it's a future where they are safe and loved, and I will try my damn hardest to make that happen.

[virmbot]

Random ass post but like, people being open and accepting of autism n stuff is great but like... it might just be me but i like never hear people talk about adhd. Its probably stupid but like people are always like "this character has autism" but i never see the same for adhd and whenever i do its usually overshadowed by autism hcs or whatever, i didnt even know there was an adhd awareness month until recently and i fucking HAVE adhd, i grew up with this shit! Dont even get me started on representation in media, like, i dont relate to any of those characters at all! Like wow, thanks, the representation i get is bart fucking simpson. Idk i just wanted to yell into the void, people are probably gonna hate me for this but i don't really care

[bitingmypawsoff]

chat I'm tweaking. I need a Frosty to my Gricko.

[spinnysocks]

i adamantly refuse to accept that i can't be “productive”. i don't know exactly why. partly because of this stupid ass capitalist society that screams at me to spend every waking hour job searching? partly because i want to create i want to create i want to create but most of the time i can't? yeah bit of both. heavy on the lack of personal creativity. sometimes all i can do is wake up, eat, work on some playlists, talk about my favourite shows and characters on here and maybe just maybe have a walk if i'm up to it. some weeks are really good and i can be super productive. whatever that means. and it's so fulfilling. but then i can't get myself to do anything for a week. i don't mean it and i hate it. but i can't change it, at least not right this second. maybe i will always be this way. i will hate it always but maybe just maybe if i start to accept it, the more i will have to give

[lollipopsnowy]

the prospect of how cooked I am just dawned on me and I dunno what I’m gonna do about this

Heard from the grapevine that the tallies actually might REMEMBER you from past performances if you end up going to another, and if that’s the case I am SO cooked because I stand out like a sore thumb

Doesn’t help that I literally gifted Ross a comic too and showed ANDREW, HIM, AND BORA SOME COOL ASS ART FROM MY HEAVILY DECORATED SKETCHBOOK. IT’S SO FUCKING OVER THEY’RE GONNA KNOW EXACTLY WHO I AM IF I GO TO ANOTHER CONCERT 😭😭

Also I literally put my handle on both Ross’ comic and the comic that I sent to Rob thru the mail. If they go far enough they’re gonna search up the handle on google and it’s gonna show my god forsaken tumblr page and the cursed stuff I reblog/post

how to disguise self, pls

[i-may-be-an-emu]

work was hell. can people please learn the difference between the floor and the toilet. I wish I was even surprised, this happens way too often. actually one time would be often enough too. and lol also can the people I work with like. actually show up to their shifts. please. lol. it was all great fun. anyway.

[fluffyfairyzz]

i miss my. w;ings that went flap. flap.

and my silly fuzzy antenna……;;

[onlyplatonicirl]

Like idk why but suddenly I feel so insecure and like all my work isn't as good compared to everyone else's. 😭 Even though I know its completely untrue it's so hard not to compare myself to others who are more successful in anything that I try to do myself.

I know its such a stupid mindset, but it's very hard to break. Even when you know that you and someone else are on two completely separate paths, it's hard to make that separation, I'm sure other people understand. Emotions are difiicult to control, even when you know they are stupid and dumb they don't like to listen to logic or reasoning.

Hopefully I logic myself out of this soon because its annoying as hell !!

[st4rb04rd]

Ventish tw//

Sometimes i feel like i'm a liar. Like i'm faking being bisexual because i'm AFAB and i like men more than i like women. It makes me feel like i'm just a cishet and i'm lying about being genderqueer and bi for attention. I know i'm not, but my brain is telling me i am. And it sucks so much. I took the gay tests and they make me feel like i'm lying even more and idk what to do.

[raspberryjellybrains]

I always feel weird saying I'm disabled, even though I literally am.

it's like "yeah here's a list of things which actively and often make it difficult to socialize, inhibit my ability to perform important tasks in all spheres or life, and generally worsen or alter my overall experience. they aren't disabilities though, they're quirks and I need to cope better. I am a well-adjusted person."

and I realize it's just internalized ableism. I know it's that I'm used to having to downplay and compartmentalize my negative feelings and experiences, and having what I can't help but express be dismissed, but it still feels weird and wrong to say. it's also like... for the most part, I can push through. I'll be miserable and inevitably drop more minor things just to survive but I'll make it through. and sometimes I won't even struggle, sometimes I'm totally fine and can do everything with relative ease, and it feels like that negates the fact that sometimes I can't do anything. if it can be better, it should be all the time, right? I just need to try harder.

but it's so hard to talk about this irl because it's such a heavy, tricky conversation to have and I always feel like I'm five seconds away from having someone tell me I'm dramatic and full of shit. as I type this, my legs are going numb from the way I'm sitting (leaning forward cross-legged) and I know when I sit up, it will hurt intensely to get feeling back, but it's the only sustainable way to sit on the floor without hurting my shoulders and neck. I have a long essay to write and a dorm room to clean because I've been horribly depressed all week.

i am disabled. it's just hard to say it.

[chiknnoodlsoop]

I miss calling them

[lacunazai]

it's still wild to see my ex subposting abt me after 2??? years? like not only that they completely micharacterise me if that's even possible. like get over it jesus christ.

[notsosmallbean]

God I hate inktober. It's made me feel like I'm in school. I mean I am in school, but not for art. I don't LIKE assignments. When will I learn???? Tell you what, I'm just gonna take the ideas I like that I drew (and never posted bc mental illness go crazy) and flesh them out into real drawings. art shouldn't feel like a burden. These drawings have not SPARKED JOY. They are assignments and I'm never doing an inktober again. Did it get the brain juice flowing? Yes. But the juice is ROTTING BC I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT IN THIS HORRID WAY.

Kudos to those that like it, but I am too much of a perfectionist to enjoy it.

[citrusitonit]

thers this bitter passive aggressiveness between kids who secretly find a younger kid annoying and its really sad

[bonnielunkas]

see fnaf is fun for me until i remember that i am so worried about posting ANYTHING regarding my interp of william for. a couple different reasons