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fshstickz · 21 days ago

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Just a quick warning, this will have mention of suicide, sexual assault, physical abuse, and psychological abuse. This is a lot of messed up information to process at once, if you need to, take a break to get your mind off this.

This is a real story, that is currently ongoing.

I would just like an outside view of what has happened and would like to help others be aware of what happened to me. But, at this point, I am also questioning my sanity and memory and have genuine concerns.

I left for basic training two years ago on Aug 15, 2022. On the night of Aug 14th, 2022, my husband proceeded to get wasted while we were at my parent's house for a small going away party and then proceeded to assault me sexually. I won't go into too much detail, so here are the main points-

My husband is active, and we have only been married for three months at the time. He was, and still is stationed on Fort Hood. I had known him for four years before getting married and three of those years we had been together.

I went into a combat MOS, so I did both AIT and basic all in one, which is called OSUT.

We drove back to our home state so I could leave for basic. I'm in the Guard and was in my state's National Guard, at the time.

The day before I left to basic, we drove to my parents' house. That night some of my siblings came over. Some people were drinking, but I did not drink because I did not want to risk being sick the next day or getting sent home.

Me and my husband previously agreed to just cuddle that night because I did not see sex as a loving or comforting gesture.

We went to bed around two in the morning and slept in my old bedroom at my parent's house.

I was trying to sleep, and he was continuously asking to have sex one last time.

I told him no for a whole hour.

After an hour it began to get physical, and I realized it would happen no matter what I said or did. The longer I tried to get him to stop, the longer it would take, and it was already three in the morning. So, I told him to do whatever he wanted, and he did.

Some details are necessary for later.

The next day, I did not remember the night before at all.

When he dropped me off at MEPS, I had an hour or two before I had to check-in. I told him I wanted to hang out and spend time with him. All he wanted to do was go home. He did not even want to speak with me and would not participate in conversation.

I went to basic and did not remember until a few months in while I was thinking about how odd he acted when dropping me off. I wrote a letter explaining how upset I was with him for not talking to me that night but did not mention the SA at all since our drills sometimes read letters and such. I never mentioned it to a single soul and only spoke about it once I returned to Fort Hood with my husband.

I questioned him about it, but he only cried and apologized. Telling me that he did not remember it and we agreed, at the time, it was just an accident, and he was too drunk. We also agreed to NOT have sex until I was ready.

The next day, Dec 3rd, 2022, we went to a military ball. I only remember five or ten minutes of this ball; when I stood up for the national anthem, I realized I couldn't stand, the world was turning and I immediately needed to go to the restroom.

After that moment, there is nothing. All that I remember is him telling me to get off the ground because people were looking and were going to call the MPs. And him telling me to "just breathe".

I woke up the next day with no clothes on and still covered in vomit.

The next day he told me I drank too much and that he had to stay up all night making sure I was breathing. He told me that he was terrified that I was going to die, yet he did not take me to the hospital. Along with this, he let me know that I had been so drunk that I could not stand, was continuously puking, had lost my glasses, and had just generally been an embarrassment. His friends would joke about this night, and he liked to use it to embarrass me in front of my family and other friends. Despite me telling him that I did not want my family to know about it.

The weekend after I told his friend what he had done to me before I left. I told him to never speak to anyone about it, which he did not and likely still has not.

Other than him, I told a future roommate about this, also a man.

Neither reported it nor questioned me about it again. Never asked if I was okay, His friend left that night and never talked to me again. He did not come back to our apartment for six months.

I told my sister this past Christmas but downplayed the entire thing so that she would not hate him.

Here are a few small details of the year and a half before I left him.

For around four to six months after returning from basic, I was extremely suicidal and would usually go up to our apartment alone on weekends when we had small parties at our neighbors.

I would tell everyone I was just going to feed the cats. Which my husband bought for a while. When he no longer bought that, I would tell him I had to use the bathroom or just wanted to pet our cats.

The only thing I would do up there was sit on my bed with a gun and think. Sometimes I would sit somewhere safe and have a panic attack.

My cats would always come to me meowing and rolling around in my lap or beside me. Which was not normal for them. They were also the only reason I am still here today.

I told him about how bad I was getting. He told me I couldn't get therapy because "he didn't want to get in trouble".

I did not know how Tricare worked and did not want him to get in trouble at this time. I did not want to ruin his life.

I never reported anything until I had already left him.

The only person besides my husband I had to speak with, was a roommate we got months after I got back from basic.

We would drink every weekend and sometimes during the week.

This was the only time I spoke with anyone besides him. I was rarely alone with anyone, and he usually was hovering.

There were only about three or four times that I spoke with my roommate alone. All of which we were both drunk. We only spoke about the SA once throughout those times.

I eventually began to have feelings for this roommate. Which I eventually accepted was going nowhere. I understood he was not the best person, and that it would only hurt me further. Among other things, I was staying loyal to my husband and waiting for the feelings to pass.

I chalked it up to being a crush that was from anxiety. It had happened before, and I knew it would pass.

I NEVER wanted to be with this person. All I wanted was to be alone and have therapy for the SA.

Originally, I believed that the SA would just be forgotten, and I could forgive my husband. This is what he told me. "That I just needed to heal."

I would go through weeks where I hated him. Some, I was fine. Some, I was only depressed. And others where I felt as if I was trapped.

He would not listen to me if I told him I had boundaries.

He would smack my ass; I told him it made me feel unloved and like an object.

He told me he did not see any other way to show his love. "My love language is physical touch."

I told him not to do it 5 more times, and the last time I blew up on him. He told me that I was overreacting, that I was doing what he "wasn't allowed" to do to me, but he didn't do it again until close to when I left him.

I would tell him he needed to control his emotions. He struggled with anger problems.

He told me it was just work. That he was better than he used to be, but he just acted worse after that.

(He would scream at me for the smallest things and would slam his fists on things. Once even punching a hole in the wall when he and our roommate argued once.)

Everything would somehow be turned into my fault. Most times I completely understood and believed it was my fault.

On Feb 14th, 2024, I told him I was done. He had been away at gunnery for two weeks and I finally felt sane for once. All the 'mood swings' I was having with him were suddenly gone and my mood had improved a lot. I knew that what would be best for my mental health was to leave, get therapy, and never be with anyone for a while. I did not care that I had no money to support myself. I did not care if I was homeless. Anything, in my mind, was better than staying.

When I told him I could no longer handle the SA and that I was leaving him, he only then told me that I could get therapy and that we would work through it. So, I told him I did not want to deal with his anger issues any longer. He told me he would get therapy, and everything would be alright.

No matter what I told him, there was a way to magically make it better.

So, to get him to hopefully hate me, to finally stop asking "What else" I told him that I had feelings for our roommate. Big mistake, but he told me that was fine, and we could work through it.

The next Friday, we had a small party, I don't remember what for. It was honestly just a reason to drink for me. But I went to walk outside, saw it was just him and the roommate, and immediately went to close the door because they both went silent and just stared at me. My husband told me it was okay to come out, so I did. He then made me tell the roommate about "how I felt".

The roommate wanted to leave, but my husband told him that this was his home too, so he should stay. So, he did.

I went to our bedroom, curled up beside the bed, and had a panic attack. My husband followed and shut and locked the door. I asked him why he made me tell him. He told me he thought it would help. I asked why it would have helped while hyperventilating and sobbing. He began to scream at me and tell me that if I hadn't wanted to tell him I wouldn't have, it was my choice, and I had WANTED to tell him. So, I knew it was my fault.

The next day I told my husband I was done. I had no trust left for him and felt like an awful wife.

The next month was a blur. I couldn't eat, or sleep, there was a pain in my chest that felt as if my chest was caving in, and someone was crushing my ribs to tear out my heart. I would go on walks to calm down my heart, to finally get it to slow down, but nothing worked. My husband drank more, constantly played songs about people cheating, and told me he had 'changed'. The first day he helped me clean for the first time, all it did was piss me off. The help slowly went away, but his anger issues seemed completely gone. I knew they weren't.

Me and the roommate only spoke if we were drinking, otherwise, I never looked at him and usually stayed away from everyone.

Me and my husband eventually agreed to see other people. He told me he had downloaded a few dating apps. But couldn't find anyone because they weren't me. I only spoke with the roommate when drinking and only spoke with him three times. I told my husband when we had eventually held hands, and cuddled, and kissed. But didn't tell him that when our roommate had kissed me, he never pulled away and we had made out.

My husband kicked him out in March after our other roommate had told him. He and his wife had gone into the bathroom in the hallway multiple times and took videos, in the audio you could hear people kissing. I didn't know these existed until a month or so ago. My husband told me that our other roommate said it sounded like we had sex, I told him that I hadn't. The other roommate asked if we had sex, I told him no, we had only made out. I'm pretty sure now that both of those interactions were recorded in hopes that I would say we did.

But, after he was kicked out, my husband randomly said to me "I won't tell anyone about you and O, if you don't tell anyone about what I did to you."

All I said was ok. At this point, I hated myself and knew without a doubt that all the pain I had been through was deserved, even if it was in the past.

My husband told me that my twin had been texting him about how disappointed she was in me and that she couldn't believe I was putting him through this. She had told me that she used to look up to me and didn't know what to think of me now. Had told her friend about everything and told me they both laughed about it because it "sounded like a fucked-up book" and that I should keep her updated because her friend wanted to know more.

So, I believed what my husband told me without a doubt.

On March 5th, 2024, my husband went on a date with a girl named Jessie. He had been talking to her for some time and I told him to try to have a good time and hopefully move on. He made her gumbo, something I had been asking for years, but always somehow barely missed out on. He told me nothing happened. I spoke with Jessie months ago; she told me that they kissed that night.

The next day I went on a date with our old roommate, despite my husband saying I could date anyone BUT him. We went to see a movie and held hands. He had wanted to go to a hotel originally, I wouldn't say I liked that idea at all and didn't feel safe with it. I still don't know if he was joking, but I went home afterward. I wouldn't say I liked the date; everything felt like a goodbye and like I was being watched. There was a pit in my stomach the whole time.

My husband asked why I was home so early; I told him the movie was over. He seemed angry that I hadn't gone anywhere else.

The next day my husband reported him to his command. A no-contact order was put into place on March 7th. That night he told me that his command said I should be on the streets for what I'd done, that it didn't matter that we had agreed to see other people, I had cheated, his date with Jessie didn't matter because they hadn't "slept in the same bed". My SA didn't matter because his 1SG had something similar happen with his wife and she thought the same thing. The story of what his command said to him changed constantly and he could not tell me the names of who was there. Telling me it all happened so fast, but he had saved the old roommate's whole career. By CHOOSING the no-contact order.

But "everything would be fine as long as we were happy together". So, I got back with him, which only lasted a day.

He kept seeing the girl and told me they were friends. He admitted a month and a half later that they had sex down the hall from me. Then admitted two weeks later he had been lying for two months and they had been in some kind of relationship the whole time. The first time they had sex was the weekend after the no-contact order went into place. (Not that he told me that, he said he couldn't remember when it was. Jessie knew though. That and the night they had sex down the hall, he tried forcing himself on her after telling her what he did to me, which made her freak out and have a panic attack.)

Everyone I knew hated me from March 7th onward. The only person I spoke to was Remington, my husband, and the other roommate, Hinton. I was scared to go outside, in fear someone from his platoon would see me and harm me. I was scared my unit would find out what I'd done. I did not talk to a single soul but Remington.

Hinton only told me I needed to forgive Remington. Telling me "When Jasmine cheated on me, I just had to forgive her." By the way, this girl baby-trapped him. Got him drunk so he wouldn't use protection. That was the only reason they were married. He told me that when his dad would yell at his mom, she told him she was done, so he stopped, and she stayed. His dad beat him after that and took everything out on him instead.

In May Remington went to Poland. I got therapy in April, after going to a marriage counselor who told me that I seemed angry. This is after I told him about the SA and Remington seeing Jessie. But the therapist told me I just needed to forgive him. I started medication soon after Remington left for Poland.

On July 1st, 2024, I reported my husband for sexual assault. CID recorded him admitting to the SA over the phone, as well as, denying me therapy.

A no-contact order went into place only days later. Recently I found out it had been an MPO this whole time and only got a copy from his command weeks ago. It's mid-October.

Here's what I've found out since. (I have his old phone, and everything is connected)

I was never given a victim advocate, SARC, SVC, or FAP member to help. I got an SVC and Victim advocate this month because I kept bugging them. I was supposed to be given all of this at least, three days after reporting.

The night of the mil ball, he likely drugged and SAed me again. That or just SAed me. There were three videos on his phone of that night where he thought it was hilarious that I was out of it. They were videos of my face; we were lying the same way we had the night before I left for basic.

This completely contradicted what he told me his reaction was.

He also called his friend Remling to make sure it was normal that I wasn't breathing.

I now know the SA 100% did happen. He kept trying to convince me it didn't

My watch recorded that my heart rate was 211 bpm that night. It stayed above 100 bpm for 20 hours straight. (at 200 is where people usually begin to have heart attacks, it's never been that high before or since)

The people he kept telling me "Didn't hate" me, did in fact, hate me.

Hinton and his wife had been telling everyone I cheated on him. Also, Jasmine, his wife, hated me the whole time because she thought I wanted her husband?????

Remling was also telling everyone I had cheated on him.

Along with this he purposely hurt me multiple times. Once making me smack my head on the center console of his car by having asked for something on the floor, break-checking me three times. Every single time, it hurt worse because he kept breaking harder. When I told everyone, it hurt, they just laughed and ignored me.

The other time. I got pulled into him and Remington wrestling. Remling choked me, it hurt. I had a panic attack, and he allowed my husband to pin me to the ground as I tried to push him away and was telling him not to rape me again, to not touch me, to go away. Then allowed him to carry me to my room alone. All while I was still screaming at him to put me down.

His unit only contacted me because I told CID he stole my money, which he did.

This was when he had just gotten a 30k bonus. I wasn't being given BAH, and only had National Guard pay (which isn't much) to support my animals, myself, and anything I needed for the house.

The AC has been out since before he left, the hot water is out because propane is leaving from the water heater, and the truck I was left with can no longer get above 55. The tags went out in August, and I was told a month prior, by his command, that his mom was taking care of it. My name isn't on the title, and I had no registration or title since it disappeared when one of his friends was 'checking on me'.

Hinton came home early because he was getting out. Remington asked him to take pictures of inside the house for him.

They wanted to be sure that I did not know they were coming.

They knew there was a man at home with me.

He was sent by my unit to take me to the ER because when I found the videos of the mil ball night. It proved Remington had lied about more than I thought. I couldn't handle the weight of what I now knew, and my psychiatrist wanted to give me 40mg of Adderall to help with the suicidal thoughts I was having. Along with this, he upped my Lunesta, which wasn't helping me sleep and I got addicted to it. (The same guy told me he didn't believe my SA was SA. Despite never having been told about it lol). But this lovely concoction made me extremely suicidal, and I told my unit.

He stayed to make sure I was okay afterward, then found out Hinton was coming back and would not contact me about it. He helped me change the locks a day before he came.

Hinton came on an early August Monday at 10 am, with an NCO who was fine with him walking right into my home.

He couldn't unlock the door, took a picture of it and sent it to Remington, then unblocked and called me.

He took pictures of my friend's car and license plate and videos of me and him cleaning dishes.

The NCO stayed in the hallway the entire time, not caring what Hinton was doing.

I reported this to the MPs, CID, Local Police, IG, and his command. He has continued to have people stalk me this entire time. I have seen no move to stop it.

Every single support for victims of SA IAW AR600-20 has done nothing. FAP (Family Advocacy Program) told me that I eventually consented, even after CID decided he likely did do it. My commander told me it was "just a misunderstanding" and that "spouses get angry when soldiers are overseas all the time." When I told my unit SARC that his friends were still stalking me.

Fort Hood sees FAP, the victim advocates, and soldier's command hiding reports of sexual assault and other things completely fine and normal. That and it's fine to them for people to break MPOs and stalk victims of SA.

IG on Fort Hood does nothing, I have no clue what happened to their investigations or what the status is on any of it from their side, it's been months.

His family also just believes he has done nothing wrong and now hates me for ruining his life.

I still have no clue what he has been telling people to make them hate me this much.

While in Poland here are the list of things he has been up to

Getting 2000 dollars' worth of tattoos

one of which was one I drew for him a long time ago and that creeps me out a bit. Especially since it was after I reported him.

Spent around 40-50 dollars on only fans.

Got what I think is tender premium???

There was a payment of a little over 20 and a few more of 2 or 3.

Bought at least one Airbnb solely just to have sex with some girl.

Just spent most, if not all, weekends out partying, on dates, or going on trips.

Despite all of this, has somehow kept up the completely devastated 'she left me' story. It's actually kind of impressive.

Has been telling people he spent his whole 30k bonus on the house and truck back in the US.

Despite having only spent, at most, 200 on the house to fix the AC, which is still broken.

And only 800 on the truck for new tires.

He has been giving me 400-440 every paycheck for groceries, gas, and whatever else I need.

Hasn't had time to help find the original AC company, a shop for the truck, or help just telling his mother I need a new registration for the truck.

The registration went out in August. I was told the month before it was taken care of. Late last month or early this month (Oct) I found out his mom didn't even know. So, his command has been lying to me.

Has had time to ask/tell people to give him updates on what I'm doing/where I'm going.

He knows when I go on post, I have a lot of medical appointments and go on post often. I bring the person from my unit for protection, seeing as I'm still being watched :D.

He knows where my unit is.

He knew the Hotel that my unit had our Dining out at two months ago. Which was basically like a military ball; we just had a change of command.

So, now I have no clue who to trust, can't trust anyone even though I know it is irrational. Can't trust people in uniform, including my unit. I don't trust my memory and am beginning to question if I did make this all up and am just crazy. I feel like a thorn in everyone's side when I try to talk about it. So now I'm just putting it in the hands of Reddit lol

The good news though, after getting out of Darnell's behavioral health, I got a new psychiatrist who finally fixed my medication. She also diagnosed me with PTSD (which is good because the music, voices, and other weird hallucinations are there, and I have nightmares where I wake up trying to fight people who aren't there. Among other things.)

On the active side, I will not be getting BAH, despite being scared out of the house it is being used for. I won't be getting the spousal benefits in a few days, so I don't know how my medication will work. Much less therapy or psychiatrist. I'm just hoping I don't get one like the first guy. I will not be getting a single penny for the fact their soldier and the whole base joined together as a team to give me PTSD. Which is funny but not funny. This isn't even all of it ngl lol.

TL;DR; Fort Hood doing Fort Hood things. Like giving random women who are victims of SA PTSD and allowing Remington Shelton to blackmail and ruin the life of his wife. Army commands kind of just suck, I think. I could be a Karen. Could be losing the singular marble I have left. Not sure, please let me know your thoughts! :D

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