#vegan pulled pork

[vegan-nom-noms]

Vegan Taiwanese Gua Bao

[morethansalad]

BBQ Shredded Tofu (High-Protein Vegan Pulled Pork)

[deepinthedirt]

Something inconsequential that I believe in a lot: a vegan/vegetarian recipe should not have anything like "vegan milk" "vegan sausage" in the ingredients. If I wanted a vegan version of biscuits and gravy using those items I'd take a regular recipe and make the substitutions myself. If I'm looking up a vegan recipe it better have some weird fucking plants being used in the most creative and convoluted ways in it. Not a product I buy at the store.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

*vomits out a quick 1k OJV and starts reading a kyman fic*

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for saying not to invite someone who doesn't eat meat because I will not accommodate them?

So context I, (19 turning 20) has invited my two friends to allow a plus one each, totalling the guest up to about 11, including me, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister and her fiance, my two best friends, their plus ones and a guy whose a mutual friend.

The idea is a "bring your own dish"/potluck with us providing the main dish- pulled pork sandwiches. This is because we're dealing with food stamps here.

However one of my friends' friends is a vegan. I don't actually care about that but the fact we already decided on our contribution, the fact I don't actually know them, and it's my birthday makes me hesitant to actually allow them.

However I'd hate to exclude them if my friends decide to invite them.

What are these acronyms?

[everythingwithwasabi]

Vegan Pulled Pork Sandwich

[bayesic-bitch]

I feel like the reason a lot of vegan recipes fail isn't even really because of the ingredients, it's because you're trying to replicate a very particular cooking style with a completely different cooking style. Take bbq pulled pork for instance. A lot of recipes use jackfruit instead of pork, and it really works shockingly well. The texture is spot-on, and flavor is sweeter, but you can easily compensate for that by using a less-sweet sauce. But even with that being the case, I never see this stuff actually being cooked right. A big part of what makes barbeque taste like barbeque is being cooked low-and-slow for like 12-36 hours on a smoker, until all the sauce hardens into a bark on the outside, while you continuously inject the thing full of brine to season it. Obviously you're not gonna get that same effect in an oven, pork or no. So I really wanna try doing this with a whole jackfruit. Like one of the 20 pound ones. Take the skin off, and then cook it exactly the way you would with a cut of pork. Dry rub, regular brine injections, and build up a caramellized exterior by layering sauce on over the course of multiple days. Everything that you don't have to change to make it vegan, just do right. I feel like this would get you to a way better end result than whatever we're currently doing

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 12

Hello! I managed to get this finished before bed. So tada!

Steve and Eddie aren’t on the same page yet, and Eddie fucks up.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11

***

As he drove Robin and Erica back to her apartment, (Robin refused to be in the same room as them because of how absolutely gooey they were around each other) Steve’s anticipation for tonight was ramping up. He had stopped by the store to get all the ingredients for tonight.

He pulled out his best wok and washed the rice, getting it started cooking before he did anything else. He cleaned and chopped the vegetables, getting them in the wok first. Once they were about half way done, he pulled them out and set them to the side.

He then cut up the chicken and started cooking it up. Then he made the sauce in the wok with the chicken pushed to the one side and then he mixed them together. He added the vegetables last, warming them through so that they had a crisp but not hard bite to them. He was tossing the mixture in the sesame seeds when the doorbell rang.

He dashed over to the door and opened it.

Eddie stood on the other side, hands shoved into his pockets and big smile on his face. “Hey-ya, Stevie!”

Steve blushed. “Come on in,” he said, stepping out of the way. “You’re right on time. I just finished making dinner.”

Eddie slipped past Steve and into the apartment. “Smells great. I can’t wait. I’ve been telling the guys about it all weekend. They are insanely jealous by the way.”

Steve smiled. “What? Can none of them cook?” He led Eddie over to the table where he started to plate up the chicken.

Eddie grinned. “Sadly, their talents lie in music and not cooking.” He sat down. “Gethin, Gareth’s twin can bake, but that’s really not the same thing as cooking.”

Steve chuckled. “No. Cooking once you know the basic rules can be tweaked in all sorts of ways. Don’t eat pork, dark meat of fowl like chicken or turkey will work. Or tofu if you’re vegetarian or vegan. Baking though? Gluten intolerant? Fuck you then, because you have to replace more than just the one ingredient you have to find three things to replace it so it acts the same way.”

Eddie nodded. “I call baking alchemy and cooking art.”

Steve smiled. “That sounds about right. Chopsticks or forks?”

“Chopsticks if you have ‘em,” Eddie said.

Steve went to the drawer and pulled out four black chopsticks with a silver band on top. He handed two to Eddie and kept two for himself.

“These are nice,” Eddie said, immediately digging into his food. “Wow. Shit, dude. So good.”

Steve blushed and took a bite of his food. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Where did you learn to cook so good?” Eddie asked around a bit of food.

Steve flushed. “It was either learn how to cook or eat take out every night when my parents were gone.”

Eddie looked up through his lashes. “Yeah, how often were they gone?”

Steve rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I think a better question would be when weren’t they gone?”

Eddie frowned. “What do you mean?”

Steve set down his chopsticks and sighed. “Look, you went to high school with me, you know I was famous for the ragers I threw. Do you know why I could throw those parties?”

Eddie half shrugged. “I never really thought about it. I was never on the guest list.”

Steve snorted. “Like I had any control of the guest list. That was all Tommy and Carol. Seriously. After my second concussion in two years that had me benched in every sport I was in except swimming, I realized they didn’t care about me. They only cared that I had absent parents, a cleaner that came every other day, and a huge house with swimming pool in the back.”

Eddie winced. “Is that why the parties stopped that last part of your senior year?”

Steve nodded. “So yeah, I learned how to cook to prevent myself from getting into bad eating habits and I just kept it up. I enjoy it. Not like tattooing but it’s fun.”

“Sorry,” Eddie murmured. “I sometimes forget that high school was almost a decade ago. You look so much like you did back then that I forget that all that shit is just water under the bridge. But I’m trying.”

Steve smiled softly. “And I appreciate it. I really do. Actually, one of my apprentices actually went to high school with us, too.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “Yeah, would I know them?”

“Would you know head cheerleader,” Steve said with a smirk, “and then girlfriend of the captain of the basketball team you final senior year?”

Eddie leaned his head forward. “Chrissy? Chrissy Cunningham? Are you shitting me right now?”

Steve shook his head.

“Hell yeah,” Eddie said with a grin. “Of course I remember her. Great girl. Glad she broke it off with that Carver kid though. He was one of those Christians that forgot the main principle the dude taught was to love everyone.”

Steve nodded. “I hear he’s one of those wackos that go around to public streets and harass poor people about religion for YouTube views.”

“Fuck, really?” Eddie hissed. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. Lucky dodge for Chrissy then. You thinking of snapping up that girl?”

Steve felt as though a bucket of cold water had been dumped right over his head. He thought that this was a date. He had done it again. Presumed too much.

“No,” he said softly. “Robin has a better chance with her then I do. Apparently she is a lesbian.”

Eddie furrowed his brow a little, wondering about the sudden mood switch.

“Good for her,” is all he said.

The night got awkward and stayed that way until Eddie got up to go home.

“See you tomorrow?” Eddie asked trying to at least salvage some part of the evening.

Steve cocked his head to the side. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, you’re starting on the sword tomorrow, right?” Eddie asked, heart in his throat.

Steve confusion clears. “Of course! I can’t wait. I’m really excited to start working on it.” He gives Eddie’s wrist a squeeze. “I thought we made plans that I had forgotten about. No. Of course I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eddie relaxed a little bit and nodded.

Steve closed the door gently behind him.

*

Jeff was brushing his teeth to get ready for bed when there was a pounding on his door. He looked over at Mandy and frowned.

“You expecting anyone, babe?” she asked, after spitting into the sink.

Jeff shook his head. He rinsed out his mouth and padded to the door. He opened it to reveal a jumpy Eddie.

Jeff rolled his head from side to side. “You do know Mandy’s got work in the morning, right?”

Eddie nodded. “I fucked up with Stevie and I don’t know what I did but I really need my best friend right now.”

“Come on in,” Mandy said from behind Jeff. “I’ll get you two a beer.”

Eddie sat on their ratty sofa, his knee jiggling with restless energy. Mandy handed them the beers and kissed Jeff’s cheek.

“Don’t stay up too late.”

Jeff watched as she walked back to their bedroom. Once the door was closed he turned to Eddie. “Right start at the top. What do you mean you fucked things up with Steve?”

“I don’t know, man!” Eddie said after downing half of the bottle in one go. “Things were going great, dinner was amazing. It got a little awkward when he said he learned how to cook because his parents were never home and then bam! The bottom opened up and I left earlier then I expected because the air was so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife.”

Jeff closed his eyes and then opened them again. “Tell me everything. Leave nothing out. Knowing you like I do, you probably said something you didn’t think was important, but really, really was.”

Eddie sighed and went through the whole conversation.

Jeff buried his head in his hands and groaned. “Dude, tell me you really didn’t ask Steve if he was going bang one of his apprentices, you know one of the people that work for him?”

Eddie scoffed, waving his hand. “I was joking.”

“Did Steve know that?” Jeff prodded.

Eddie opened his mouth and then closed it. He opened it again, but no sound would come out. He snapped it shut and frowned. “Maybe not?”

Jeff waved his hand at him. “Also seriously, dude. What kind of messed up fucker asks his crush if he wants to bang some chick?”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. “Oh shit.”

“Look I don’t know this guy,” Jeff said. “Not well enough anyway. If this was Gareth or Brian, I could tell exactly what he was thinking. But I don’t and you don’t either. Which means you didn’t just fuck up, Eddie. You fucked up bad. So you’re going to have to grovel. And I do mean grovel. Flowers, dinner, the works.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said breathing out a shuddering sigh. “Yeah, man. Fuck. What if I messed things up with for good?”

Jeff shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess endure the most awkward thirty hours of your life?”

“Shit.”

*

The first thing Eddie did that morning was call the shop.

“Royal Pain, this is Robin, how can I help you today?”

“Birdie,” Eddie greeted. “Is Steve around?”

Robin sighed heavily. “He’s working with Chrissy at the moment, I can take a message?”

Eddie sighed. “No, no. It’s fine. It’s actually you I wanted to speak to anyway.”

“Is this about last night?” she asked.

Eddie blinked away the tears that formed at the thought that Steve had told her about it. “I’m trying to grovel and need a list of his faves so that I make it up to him for being an absolute ass.”

Eddie could feel Robin’s grin through the phone. “Right. Where do you want me to start?”

They talked for a good twenty minutes before she said, “Look, I’ve got another call coming in. That should be enough to start with. Hop to it, doofus. I want to see it, capeesh?”

“I read you loud and clear,” Eddie said.

“Good.”

***

Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17  Part 18 Part 19  Part 20  Part 21   Part 22  Part 23  Part 24  Part 25 Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Epilogue

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk​ @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @aizawa-emma @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @yikes-a-bee @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @archermightbegay @hallucinatedjosten @ellietheasexylibrarian @anne-bennett-cosplayer @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bestwifehaver @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx

[mushroomgay]

London, UK, October 2023

Blackening polypore (Meripilus giganteus)

This large, common polypore can be distinguished from its (luckily entirely edible, or simple inedible rather than poisonous) potential confusions by its distinctive bruising - press hard on its surface (or simply handle it and wait a few moments) and it bruises a dark brownish black.

It's one of my favourite wild edibles. Some people complain of its somewhat sour taste, but I find boiling it in water and (vegan) butter and then draining it removes this entirely. It has a pleasant, fibrous texture, similar to meat or dried mango, and I like to use this to make a vegan pulled pork, here served in homemade bao buns. It was my first time making them - they were denser than they're meant to be, unclear if that was because they were gluten free or I over-proofed them. They're delicious as a vehicle for bbq sauce, though.

[vegan-nom-noms]

BBQ Lettuce Wraps With Avocado Aioli

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: You

TWEEK: Mister

TWEEK: Tinfoil

TWEEK: Hat

TWEEK: Guy

KENNY: Stan

TWEEK:  What

KENNY: His names Stan

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that

TWEEK: You said you had

TWEEK: Like

TWEEK: A bunker

TWEEK: Right?

STAN: Yeah

CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀

TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud

TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point

KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that

KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on

CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀

CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out

KYLE: Fuck you

KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?

CRAIG: Lmao what

CRAIG: Me when I lie

KYLE: Nonononono

KYLE: Look look look

KYLE: It says “Souprem”

KYLE: It's fake merch dude

KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys

CRAIG: ….

KYLE: …Dude?

CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie

KYLE: Are you fucking serious

KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are

CRAIG: Nuh uh

KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????

TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up

TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass

TOLKIEN: It's not worth it

CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?

TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde

CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS

TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN

CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME

TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO

CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS

TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T

CLYDE: FINE

TOLKIEN: FINE

CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO

CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

STAN: Hmmm

STAN: At my barn we could like

STAN: Use my dad and my sister

STAN: As like

STAN: Food

KYLE: Dude no

KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism

CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people

KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”

CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE

CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????

CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D

CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW

KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD

KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken

CRAIG: I thought it was pork

CRAIG: Like

CRAIG: Deadass

CRAIG: Like pigs

CRAIG: Like deadass pigs

KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 

STAN: Yeah

STAN: So we’re fucking set

CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay

STAN: We don't even have animals

CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then

STAN: What

KENNY: What

KYLE: What

CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 

CARTMAN: What???

CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip

CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly

STAN: What's your source

CARTMAN: Wikipedia

STAN: Ooooof course it is

STAN: The internets lying to you, you know

CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo

STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE

TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd

TWEEK: OKay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION

TWEEK: Awesome

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Dandy even!

TWEEK: Everyone

TWEEK: Lets hold hands

CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand

TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty

CRAIG: For real

CRAIG: Preach 🙏🙏🙏

TWEEK: I don't care

TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards

CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS

CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: Sure

TWEEK: Whatever

CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD

TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands

TWEEK: Who else is fine with

TWEEK: Touching Clyde

CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: I don't

TWEEK: I'm not

TWEEK: Just

TWEEK: Hold hands

TWEEK: You all have socks on

TWEEK: I think

TWEEK: So it's not gay

CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm

CARTMAN: Actually

CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement

TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????

TWEEK: WHAT???????

TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY

TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME

CLYDE: Wow

CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like

KYLE: Woah

KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony

KYLE: Where

KYLE: Twilight and her friends

KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever

KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone

KYLE: And they used them to like

KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon

KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna

KENNY: That was so fucking gay

KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you

CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic

CARTMAN: I will cancel you again

KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig

CARTMAN: BITCH-

TWEEK: SHUT UP

TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN

TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER

KENNY: ….

CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..

LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..

CRAIG: Slllaaa-

TOLKIEN: Dont

TOLKIEN: Just

TOLKIEN: Do not

TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges

CRAIG: 😡

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Is

TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands

CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr

TOLKIEN: Stop talking

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Alakazam

TWEEK: Alakazane

TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane

KYLE: Wait wha-

CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!

KENNY: Yoooo

CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!

TOLKIEN: Haaaaa

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: Was that

TWEEK: Magic Trick

TOLKIEN: What

TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster

CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!

TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again

KENNY: I dunno

KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool

CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Humans

TWEEK: Freaks

TWEEK: Whatever your names are

TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn

TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,

TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them

TWEEK: And for goodness sake,

TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!

STAN: One, what are we, five?

STAN: Second

STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn

TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN

TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????

STAN: No

TWEEK: …

STAN: …

TWEEK: ….

STAN: ….

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: O….

TWEEK: Kay…..

TWEEK: Just…..

TWEEK: Get in the barn

STAN: Fineeeee

STAN: Whatever

STAN: Fuck you

CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]

CLYDE: Hey

CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek

TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….

CLYDE: Do

CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think we could

CLYDE: Maybe

CLYDE: Like

CLYDE: Go to like

CLYDE: Dennys

CLYDE: After this???

TWEEK: Whats

TWEEK: What's Dennys?

CLYDE: Oh

CLYDE: Uh

CLYDE: Maybe we could like

CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: What's an olive?

TWEEK: And

TWEEK: And what's a Garden?

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Oh you poor

CLYDE: Sweet

CLYDE: Summer child

CLYDE: You know what

CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden

CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: O

TWEEK: OKAY?????

CLYDE: Alright

CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: UHHH

TWEEK: WHAT

TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???

TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit

TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands

TOLKIEN: Or his ass

TWEEK: Why's that relevant?

TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????

TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD

TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????

TWEEK: …Whatevs

TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????

(edits made by @pissblanket)

[bjfinn]

NEW & IMPROVED MASTER LIST

GUARANTEED TO WORK OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

(TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY 😜)

Since my first attempt at a Master List seems to have gone completely on the fritz now (probably because I changed my URL after doing the links!), I've made a new one.

I've also added the title of each story in its own tags in case this sort of thing should happen again -- that way you can just look for the one you want to read by searching for the title in the hashtags, or to find all of them together: #bjfinn writing or #bjfinn poetry.

Also, I'm starting to draw again! You can find my art at: #bjfinn art

STORIES

Beetlejuice

1. Three Ghosts and a Baby (AU)

2. Imaginary Friends (AU)

3. Hellhound

4. Beej on a Hot Tin Roof

5. Demons Have Feelings, Too

6. Birds of a Feather

7. How to Train Your Demon

8. Shadow Work

9. A Day at the Beach

10. Star Light, Star Bright

11. Movie Night

12. Turkey Day

13. Tango Argentino

14. Midnight Musings

15. Mommy Dearest

16. Spores

17. Shutterbug

18. Misinterpreted

19. Harry's Quest

20. Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

21. Mother's Day

22. Rampage

23. Truth or Dare

24. Goth and Ghoul

25. Father's Day

26. Lily

27. Healing Circle

28. Petey

29. The Trial of Otho Fenlock

30. Alphabet Soup

Foul Play

1. The Egg-Man

2. PopChat

School of Rock

1. 'Tis the Season

2. Something Special

3. Double Date

Spamalot

1. The Horned One

Crossovers

1. One Last Chance (BJTM/SoR/Deadbeat)

2. High Noon at the Gardner Hotel (BJTM/Deadbeat)

3. The Ghost and Mr Finn (BJTM/SoR)

4. Book of Shadows (BJTM/SoR/TWoE)

5. Holiday Plans (BJTM/SoR)

6. Chaos and Candy Canes (BJTM/SoR)

7. The Great Christmas Potato War of 2023 (BJTM/SoR)

8. Candid Confessions (BJTM/SoR)

Candid Confessions (Version 2.0)

9. Together Forever (BJTM/SoR)

10. Somebody to Love (BJTM/SoR)

11. Beej, Book and Candle (BJTM/TWoE)

12. Partners (BJTM/Deadbeat/SoR)

13. Ghost in the Museum (BJTM/Deadbeat/SoR)

14. The Babysitter (BJTM/TWoE)

15. Nowhere Man (Foul Play/Deadbeat)

Non-Fandom

1. Just Cloth and Stuffing

POETRY

1. An Cú Dubh (The Black Dog)

2. To Sleep

3. The Might of the Fight

4. Holes

5. Bang in the Night

SONG PARODIES

1. Deck the Halls

2. The Supermarket Blues

3. The Ides is Nigh

4. The Senators' Picnic

5. Summertime

TV COMMERCIAL PARODIES

1. That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

2. You're Not You When You're Hungry

ANECDOTES

1. Salad Days

2. One is the Loneliest Number

3. Big Tipper

4. Yes, We Have No Bread Today

5. Under Pressure

6. A Cashier's Life: Shopping Etiquette

7. Shelter from the Storm

8. Too Good to Beet Root

ADVENTURES IN COOKING

1. Pua'a Kālua (Hawaiian Pulled Pork Shoulder)

2. Bagún (Irish Bacon)

3. Síoróip Úll (Homemade Apple Syrup)

4. My Mother's Marinara Sauce

5. Tofu Crumbles (Vegan Mince)

FOOD REVIEWS

1. Zagnuts

[mybullshitdiet]

Todays food

Breakfast: pink berries smoothie

Lunch: lentil soup, lentil crisps, vegan egg bite

Dinner: pulled ‘pork’ ciabatta, cup of Diet Coke

Snacks: peanut butter and chocolate yoghurt bites, half a portion of chips (my friend shared!)

Tried cola again for the first time in ages (was advised to avoid caffeine, high sugar drinks, and artificial sweeteners to reduce my inflammation) so I’m seeing how that goes and if I have any adverse side effects

[ratsoh-writes]

Mirla looked at him like he just said spiders are bugs.

Mirla: Wha- why would he want that?

Poor summer baby doesn't know what is coming.

The fight between the fire katana mage and the cat did not interest her, so she thought it was a good time to pull out all the food that she brought for the occasion. She gave Mutt a vegan burger, Pesto and Gold got mini shepherd's pies, Snow some risotto, Sir got dumplings with pork filling, and Dove a non-vegan burger. She told them that they could change if they didn't want anything.

......

...........

Oh, and she brought food for herself too. It was a tofu dish that she saw on YouTube.

Mutt: y’ gonna need more calories than that sweetheart~

He brought food too, some energy balls of honey nuts and chocolate and puts two on her plate. Seeing this, gold and snow whisper to each other gushingly lol

He’s quite happy to receive his burger though and bites into it

Pesto: … ah are you… vegetarian..?

Out of all the brothels, mirla noticed that mutt seemed almost warm with pesto. She isn’t sure why but it’s nice seeing two of her friends being friendly

Ok so the brothels rolls with mutt: gold: 14, butler: 10, sir: 9 Flambe: 17, pesto: 18, weasel: 7 lol, snow: 14

Mutt: not really, meats just never my first choice. It’s always too heavy feelin’

[afterdarkprincess]

Hi lovely 💕

For the sleepover questions:

- Tell us your Solo/Sami headcanons.

- Tell us your CM Punk/Drew headcanons.

- And for good measure please add your Sami/Jey & your Ambreigns headcanons as well while you’re at it.

FMK: Roman, Seth, Mox

FMK: Solo, Sami, Jey

FMK: Punk, Drew, Cody

FMK: Jade, Naomi, Bianca

FMK: Rhea, Liv, Becky

Questions, questions, questions:

- What’s an accomplishment/ thing in your life you’re very proud of?

- Name three things you love about yourself?

- What makes you furious in fandom spaces (your fandom pet peeves so to say)?

- Who was your first celebrity crush? Who’s your latest?

- Who do you adore on this website (aka tumblr crushes)?

- What do you find attractive in a person (physically and personality wise)?

- Favorite story you ever wrote?

- Favorite story someone else wrote?

- Your current favorite song?

- One ingredient/ dish you love and one you despise?

This or that:

- Cats and/or dogs?

- Coffee and/or tea?

- Hiking, cycling or swimming?

- Pizza or pasta?

- Mexican, Chinese or Indian takeout? Or something else?

- Cooking, baking or ordering in?

- Quiet night in or a night out socializing with friends?

- Cold weather or hot weather?

- Pants, skirts or dresses?

This got a little out of hand oops 😂

Feel free to answer whatever you wanna answer and skip whatever you don’t. Or answer everything. Up to you. Happy sleepover!

Hugs and kisses 💖

AHHH Thank you!!!!! I've been so excited all day to get home and hae time to answer these!!

Gonna answer under the cut because I'm sure this will be long lol 💖💖💖

💕Solo/Sami headcanons

I feel like a LOT of my headcanons on Solo and Sami come from one specific fic on AO3- The Solo Man

I love Solo as being selectively mute and/or very shy. I haven't really gotten to explore this with Solo in my fics very much, but I'm really looking forward to doing so.

I do feel like Solo has such a soft spot for Sami (I mean I have eyes) Sami was a real source of kindness for him when he really didn't have that from anyone.

💕CM Punk/Drew McIntyre headcanons

oh noooo my brainrot lol

They're TOXIC as fuck, they bring out the worst in each other. I can't find anything sweet or soft in them, it's obsession, it's raw, it's violent. Possessive and Obsessive.

And they fuck nasty obviously. I tend to prefer Bottom Drew, something so fun about subverting their size difference but I'll eat up anything.

💕Samijey headcanons

Ahhhh I just love them- I feel like a lot of my headcanons POP out in my fics. I feel like Jey Uso is an acts of service guy. I think he does anything and everything to make sure that Sami feels taken care of. This shows up really early on in Devil in the Details and uhhh fun fact I wrote the first part of that fic before I knew that Sami was vegan, hence why there are SO many references to Jey cooking chicken for Sami. It was too integral to how I was having Jey show his affection to take it out, so for that one fic Sami is just no pork not vegan lol

Sami talks ALL the time, and Jey pretends to be annoyed but the constant stream of consciousness is actually so comforting to him. He very rarely has to worry about what Sami is thinking or feeling because he will just tell him.

Jey cut those crop tops so Sami would look at him.

From You're My Keeper (Pull Me Deeper):

“You really like my waist, huh?” he murmured. 

As if to prove his point, Sami sank his teeth into the soft flesh under his bellybutton. “Can’t stop looking at it,” Sami whispered into his skin. “So fucking perfect. Those stupid crop tops are fucking killing me, dude.”

“Really? Hm, I thought so.”

Sami’s head shot up. “You knew?”

Jey blushed. “I guess, I kinda knew you were like… Looking. I guess I thought… Nevermind, this is fucking embarrassing.” He clapped his hands over his face. 

“You thought what?” He felt Sami tugging at his fingers, and Jey reluctantly let his hands get pulled away. Sami had the worst look on his face, smug and bemused. Didn’t he know this was absolute torture?

“I don’t know, I thought maybe if I cut the shirts shorter, then like… You know… You’d look at me more,” Jey pushed out through clenched teeth. Scratch that, this was the worst look. Sami positively beamed, fondness radiating out from him in shameless sunshine rays. If he was a dog, he’d surely be wagging his tail like a maniac. Jey tried not to linger on that thought too long.

“Jesus you are so fucking cute,” Sami wheezed, burying his face into Jey’s chest.

Literally one of my favorite fics ever- I reread it all the damn time. (If the author of this fic is on here?? let me know pls & I'll tag you💖)

And I do think that Sami/Jey switch up who tops and bottoms, but I'm always here for bottom!Jey, sweet pillow princess.

💕Ambreigns headcanons

OO this is a good one- I typically go for Ambrolleigns (bc they all have two hands) or Ambrollins because of my donut sister @elementaldoughnut12 I feel like where Dean and Seth have that very turbulent high passion love, Dean and Roman have a level of like rock solid devotion?? Someone that they can always rely on, coming even closer together after everything fell apart with Seth.

Even more than Seth's betrayal, Dean leaving spurred on the creation of the Tribal Chief. Roman, alone and brokenhearted, left by the man who he thought would never leave him, turns himself into something cold and cruel. Makes himself monstrous, surrounds himself by a cheap copy of what they had.

He wants Dean back, wants it more than anything, but some part of him is terrified that Dean will reject him, will detest what he has become.

💕Fuck, Marry, Kill

FMK: Roman, Seth, Mox

Fuck: Roman (I'm gonna need that tongue baby good lord)

Marry: Mox 100%, I'm gonna need to hit that multiple times, and also I feel like our personalities are really complimentary

Kill: RIP I'm so sorry Seth, please keep serving even in Death

FMK: Solo, Sami, Jey

Fuck: Solo- and he needs to bring the gloves okay? 🥵

Marry: Jey 🩵

Kill: Sami :( I hate to kill my hubby's hubby though

FMK: Punk, Drew, Cody

Fuck: Cody (he's hot, IDK that I'd wanna deal with him all the time)

Marry: CM Punk.... listenn

Kill: Drew- would need to take him out to marry Punk anyway

FMK: Jade, Naomi, Bianca

Fuck: JADE- HELLO?? PLEASE???

Marry: Naomi- Jimmy can come too

Kill: Bianca

FMK: Rhea, Liv, Becky

Fuck: Liv

Marry: Please, please Mami, I'm-PLEASE?

Kill: Becky, RIP girlie

💕Questions, questions, questions:

- What’s an accomplishment/ thing in your life you’re very proud of?

90k words posted on AO3 as of today has me feeling really good. I challenged myself at the beginning of the year to get to 100k by the end of 2024, but even where I'm at now... a year ago I would have laughed at you if you told me that. I've been writing in spits and spurts my whole life, but I really lacked confidence to do anything with my fanworks. I usually didn't even finish them. Before this last year, the most I had written was 2 NaNoWriMo attempts, both sat at around 25-30k and were never completed. And now with the all the support I've gotten here and on AO3, I've had the most creative period in my life. It makes me tear up thinking about it honestly.

- Name three things you love about yourself?

My passion, my sense of humor, and my tits lol

- What makes you furious in fandom spaces (your fandom pet peeves so to say)?

The only pet peeve I really have is like being rude and giving people shit for what they like and don't like?? Like I've been around since the days of Don't Like, Don't Read. If you don't like something, it's not for you, it costs zero dollars to shut the fuck up.

- Who was your first celebrity crush? Who’s your latest?

Oh gosh, so many. I mean the first would definitely be Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon 💖💖 Daniel Radcliffe when I got a little older and realized I wasn't going to be able to marry a cartoon. Right now? I mean all of those hot Samoans first of all. Rhea Ripley, obv. Moxley.

- Who do you adore on this website (aka tumblr crushes)?

EVERYONE lol this list is gonna be so long @feelschicken who has been my IRL bestie for like 20+ years at this point, who allowed me to drag her into Wrestling via several hour long conversations in the car where I would literally yell about the Bloodline

@elementaldoughnut12 my donut sister who has inspired so many of my fics and cheered me on through so much of this last year. Love you so much punkin 🥰

@harmshake my beloved tumblr gf, a constant source of positivity in my life 💖 Not to mention she writes the HOTTEST fics omg

@southerngirl41 who's been on the tag squad since the BEGINNING and I appreciate her comments so much

@jeysbvck Shan 💙 because we're both unhinged and feral for Jey- she just gets me

@imabillyami of course you too obviously- you are so sweet and not to mention your fics are amazing

@rollinsland who keeps my dash FULL of content of all my faves, and is so so sweet

@shanie-the-komania-toyaddict my Zowens connection, and another amazing sweet person

@motherknuckers I think we share a braincell for real

@samijey because like... A Way With Words is THE Sami/Jey fic, not to mention her amazing gif skills 😍

@thlayli-ra who definitely gave me the Punkintyre brainrot

@who-do-you-want-to-be MY SWEET KOALA FRIEND

@jeyuwuso WHOSE FIC I LINKED EARLIER, literally love all their work!!!

@taydaq her ART, especially Samijey 🥹

I know I'm missing people, I could be at this all night: @crxssjae @hypno-bear-tini @rosiel77 @mzv11 @theninthwonder @dontletme--cavein @codyswhitebelt @jobikinn if I missed others I'm so sorry 😭 and if tumblr messes up these tags I'll scream

- What do you find attractive in a person (physically and personality wise)?

Humor, they gotta be funny. They gotta make me laugh or we're not gonna work. We gotta be silly goosing.

- Favorite story you ever wrote?

Ours is still my favorite

- Favorite story someone else wrote?

oooo yay it's rec time!!! Already called out a few but here's some more:

Green - my favorite Candy fic

Losers and Loss - a Zowens fic that melted my brain into absolute goo I said The Solo Man already but also Pretty which spurred on my love of bottom!jey and Jey in pretty lingerie

Sticks & Stones and also Green-Eyed Monster - both by the Zesty Bean, all of their works are great but those are my favorites

Silver Knight and Little Clover - my donut sister knows how to make a rarepair that I'll go nuts for

And I could not forget I've got you to lose ... of COURSE 💕 maybe gimme a heads up before you post that last chapter so I can get all my favorite snacks and be prepared.

- Your current favorite song?

Guilty as Sin? - Taylor Swift

- One ingredient/ dish you love and one you despise?

Oo good question- I'm a big fries and ranch girlie (the midwest in me popping out) and for despise??? mmm it's gonna be pickles, they're gross to me.

💕This or that:

- Cats and/or dogs?

Cats 🐈

- Coffee and/or tea?

Coffee ☕️

- Hiking, cycling or swimming?

Swimming 🌊

- Pizza or pasta?

Pizza🍕

- Mexican, Chinese or Indian takeout? Or something else?

For takeout specifically it's gonna be Chinese

- Cooking, baking or ordering in?

Cooking!

- Quiet night in or a night out socializing with friends?

I love a good night out once in a while, but I prefer a night in

- Cold weather or hot weather?

Hot weather ☀️

- Pants, skirts or dresses?

DRESSES 👗

---

whew.... that took a while but it was so fun honestly 😅