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after-witch · 4 years ago

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Title: Oh Honey Honey ('Oh Sugar Sugar' Part 2) (Yandere L Lawliet x Reader)

Synopsis: The newest regular to frequent your little pastry shop is a little unusual, but his appreciation of your craft is a welcome distraction from the terrifying suspicion that you may have a stalker.

notes: yandere, stalker behavior

You waved cheerfully at a little boy through the glass window of your store, as his grandfather gently urged him along the street; he was maybe 2 or 3, and had practically shrieked in joy when his grandfather bought him the biggest, cutest looking cupcake you'd had in the display that morning.

With the store empty for the moment, you turned back to your daily specialty case and decided to give it a quick cleaning. A regular, the older gentlemen who'd recently revealed that all the treats were actually for an associate, was due to arrive soon, and he typically bought up most of your special case. You leaned over the front counter, grabbed a rag and a bottle of cleaning solution, and gave the glass a quick spritz. You were humming to yourself when you heard the door bells jingling.

You turned, smile ready, expecting the older gentlemen--and almost flinched in surprise. It was not your regular, but someone new. He had lanky dark hair and wore an unassuming, casual outfit consisting of a white shirt and jeans.

You swiftly stepped behind the register. “Can I help you today, sir?”

"Yes, in fact," the man said. "I'm here to give my compliments in person."

Confusion must have registered on your face, for he continued. "I normally have an associate buy my pastries for me. But I wanted to see your shop for myself, so..."

"Oh!"

You hadn't meant to say it out loud, but you couldn't help it; nor could you help the more genuine smile that you gave the man who'd bought hundreds of dollars worth of pastries in such a short time period. Baking was your passion--but it was your business, too, and you couldn't help but truly appreciate people who supported that business. "I'm so glad to finally meet you! Thank you for all your business."

You held out your hand jovially, and the man came forward to accept it with a low, firm and slightly awkward handshake. When he pulled away, he glanced at his hand for a moment, before returning his gaze back to you. You couldn't help but hope he was getting enough sleep.

"I should be thanking you," he said. "For all the pastries, I mean."

At that, you beamed. "Well! Let me show you what's in our special case today..."

You had a stalker. Well, maybe you had a stalker. You weren't quite sure. All you knew for sure was that something was... off, lately. At first, you attributed it to getting less sleep than normal. With your bakery busier than ever, thanks to your new regular and even a nice business contract supply 2 dozen breakfast muffins every morning, you weren't getting as much sleep.

So it would only be normal, you thought, to be a little on edge. A little testy. But less sleep didn't account for the odd, creeping feeling that you were being watched, especially at night. You could have swore you heard strange sounds, too... whirring or clicks. Cameras? You didn't know.

Nor did a lack of sleep account for some things that had gone missing from your apartment. A favorite nightgown you liked to sleep in; a favorite mug. the berry-red one you’d gotten two Christmases ago; even, as you discovered one morning, a lingerie set that you'd tried on once and then been too embarrassed to wear again. Still, it was expensive and the thought that someone had taken it--and why someone would take it--made you feel sick.

To say that you were not your usual chipper self for the rest of the morning was an understatement. You did your best to smile for the customers that came in, but even they must have sensed something was wrong; you even got extra tips from a regular, an elderly woman who tut-tutted you and told you that you should consider taking a weekend off.

The thought was tempting, but you knew that with running a small business came sacrifices--including the inability to just "take off." Still, you thought, you could take a little nap. A short one, 25 minutes, tops. You didn't often temporarily close up shop for breaks, but it was quiet and you weren't likely to get too many sales before the lunch rush, anyway.

As you were about to flip the sign, however, a figure suddenly walked up to the door. You jumped, then internally scolded yourself for being ridiculous--it was just your regular, or "Ahh, Mr. Regular?," as he'd awkwardly suggested you call him when you’d asked for his name. It was odd, but, the man was also downing an exceptional amount of sugar while buying up entire cases worth of your goods on the regular, so it wasn't your place to judge.

You bit your cheek to suppress a sigh of frustration and opened the door, stepping back so he could come in.

"Oh," he said, "are you closing?"

You smiled, or tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything resembling your typical sweet countenance. "No, no, I was just going to close up for a nap... I mean a break." You shook your head. You shouldn't bother customers with talks about naps, it probably made you sound lazy.

He quirked his head slightly, staring at you almost intensely. "Yes..." he said softly, almost murmuring. "I see those circles under your eyes... you haven't been sleeping well."

The personal turn of the conversation made you feel awkward. You looked away, embarrassed. You hated the idea of customers seeing you as anything other than the cheery pastry shop lady, a source of sugar and sweetness and delicious goodies. "Um," you said, "I guess not, I've just been a little, you know--out of it. You know how things go."

You laughed, mirthless and empty, and gestured towards the case. "So, anyway. I actually don't have many special pastries today, I've been a little busy." You mentally slapped yourself for giving excuses, even bland ones, though it wasn't like you were lying.

You'd woken up early so you could head into work and finish off some really nice specialty items you'd baked last night, but rummaging around your drawers for something to wear led you to realize the lingerie was missing, and you'd spent 2 hours drifting between panic and disgust.

But rather than walk towards the case and pick out today's purchases, your regular simply stood in front of you. Head slightly quirked still, eyes expressive--concerned, you thought, he looks concerned about me.

You couldn't deny that a customer worrying about you brought up conflicting emotions; frustration, because you didn't want to mess with your public persona; and a warm mixture of comfort and flattery. Someone liked your pastries enough to care about you.

"Is everything all right?" He said, finally. "Are you feeling sick? Or is something else keeping you up?"

You stared, feeling lost for words. You didn't really know him, and you hadn’t even told your friends about your potential stalker. But the weight of the past few weeks, the build-up of fear and disgust and stress, seemed to push you down until you found yourself sliding into one of your cafe chairs. He followed suit, pulling his knees up until he practically crouched on the seat.

You hesitated. Should you really be telling him any of this? “I… don’t want to bother you with any of my personal problems.”

“It’s not bothering me. I’m curious,” he said, lightly.

You sighed. Here goes, you thought. “I… I have a stalker?” Your hesitancy quickly morphed into an awkward blurting. “I mean, I think I do. I’m not sure. It’s just the past few weeks. I keep hearing these weird noises. And I feel like I’m being watched.” You bit your lip. “And someone took my underpants?”

Actually vocalizing the thought made you realize that it could just all be in your head. I mean, whirring noises? Missing lingerie? Maybe there were ants in the walls and you’d donated the set and forgot about it.

You half expected him to look embarrassed and give an excuse to leave. But instead, he looked thoughtfully at you. “Hmm. Have you called the police?”

It was you who felt embarrassed now. “No…” You shrugged. “I mean, what can they do, anyway? I don’t have any proof.”

He regarded you with a grim nod. “That’s true. They won’t act without evidence.” He gave a little huffy sigh of his own. “Well… if it were up to me, I’d do a stake out. See if anyone comes into your place at night. I could get some equipment, if you want.”

You smiled--subtle and soft, but a genuine smile. At least he didn’t think you were crazy. At least he validated your feelings. And he’d offered to help, even if you would never feel comfortable taking him up on that offer.

“I appreciate it,” you said. “But maybe I’m just being paranoid. I don’t want to drag you into all this…” You sat up straighter and decided to change the subject--you’d had enough worrying about a stalker for one day. “Say, do you want to see the kitchen? I need to finish up a cake I started last night, for the special case. Maybe you can pick out the fruit toppings?”

For a moment, your regular looked shocked. He nodded, slowly. His expression never quite fully recovered its normal neutrality, and he stood up almost cautiously before following your lead into the open kitchen door accessed from behind the counter.

“Sorry for the mess,” you say lightly. “I didn’t have time to start dishes yet.” You gestured towards a countertop where a small cake stuffed with mascarpone and nestled within a layer of marzipan sat. There were little dollops of cream forming a circle on the top of the cake. “I’m going to top it with some fruits, why don’t you pick out which ones you like?” You covered your mouth, suddenly. “I mean--if you want to buy it, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

He cleared his throat and a small smile flickered across his lips. “Of course I’ll buy it. Your cakes are delicious.”

You laughed a little, showing your teeth, and took out some little jars of fresh fruits from a small fridge underneath the counter. As he looked over them, you turned and began tossing a few empty pots, pans and stirrers into the sink so that they could soak. You couldn’t help but hum a little, used to singing while you clean.

“Yes, I’ve decided,” he said suddenly. You turned around and saw him staring right at you.

“Decided?” You asked. Something about the way he was looking at you felt familiar. You thought about whirring.

“On strawberries,” he replied. He slowly held up the bowl of freshly cut, ripe red berries. “For my cake.”

L sat, crouched on the couch, staring at the video he’d taken of today’s events. You confided in him, which was delightful. You’d smiled at him, which was even better. Watching you put the glorious finishing touches on a scrumptious pastry in the kitchen was just... well. Icing on the cake.

He pressed a button on the controller and rewound the video to the moment where you'd laughed, light and airy and perfectly melodious to his ears. Your smile was genuine, then--not the constrained smile you'd given when he'd interrupted your nap plans; nor was it the sometimes plastic smile you wore when you were clearly exhausted with giving endlessly bright customer service.

Your real smile was something to be treasured. Especially, he thought to himself, because it will be a long while before he sees it again. You won’t be smiling much after he kidnaps you--after he acquires you, he corrected himself.

According to his calculations, you won't start feeling more accepting of your situation for at least a few months, but it may be sooner (or later) depending on certain variables. You will be scared first, he knew--scared and maybe angry with him for deceiving you and trapping you. And that wouldn’t be very conducive to the smile and laughter he’d quickly become addicted to taking in.

He lifted up your favorite mug and took a sip of the warm coffee inside, relishing the last bits of your lipstick left on the rim, before rewinding the video to watch you again. Time will heal your wounds--but in the mean time, he will be so very generous and patient with you.

#yandere death note #yandere #yandere l lawliet #death note #yandere x reader #afterwitch writes #can you guess the name of part 3

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thesunwillshineonusagain757 · 3 years ago

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𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

This is the third part in the series, where I put my headcanons about Rhaegar Targaryen, and about his personality. This came as an idea from a post from @dragonstemper . So yeah let’s get this started…

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

Rhaegar has a unique perspective and vigorous intellect, often losing himself in his thoughts and own world inside his mind, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, hardly ever stops thinking. From the moment he wakes up, Rhaegar's mind buzzes with ideas, questions, and insights. At times, he may even find himself conducting full-fledged debates in his own head. Imaginative and curious, Rhaegar Targaryen can find endless fascination in the workings of his own mind. So sometimes on his own, with no interruptions, is what gives him the greatest feeling of happiness.

Any stress or daily worries shed from his mind, giving him an amount of time to focus on what he really cares about: deep, complex thoughts that he can analyse and synthesize into entirely new concepts, that brings Rhaegar a deep feeling of joy and fulfilment. Although Rhaegar can be quite content with just his ideas, books being the greatest catalyst in order to initiate it. Books about science, and philosophy or even how to cook the best omelet, or maybe even a romance book about Jenny of Oldstones. Either way, the book has to carry him away to a point, where the next fascinating thought comes into the next grand idea.

Rhaegar has a very reserved nature, so he likes to stay indoors , sitting in the library reading books and debating ideas. But he found that he also has a particular liking for going outside, it helps him to connect with the world and other people. It was easy for him to skip things and isolate himself, and not think about the surrounding people ( in particular his father and his tantrums and episodes of craziness ) . He found comfort in his loneliness, yet he found going outside especially with his children helped him feel better.

In his life he had lived with people who are very negative ( such as HIS FATHER ) so he also found that avoiding him the most was a blessing for his mental health and happiness, of course he could be honest and tell Aerys to stop being so negative or confronting him because he knew dire consequences would follow, so he just avoided his father all together.

New ideas, bring Rhaegar Joy. Some grand possibility opening up to him, paving a new path to truth and meaning. A spark of curiosity and he goes into his realm of familiarity, searching for conceptual precision, piqued by a word or thought, and when Rhaegar arrives at an answer and conclusion that makes sense to him, he places it gently in his framework of truth like a delicate feather dangling from a spider’s web, liable to be blown away at the slightest wind that his storm of new possibility. He is terribly happy to go on thought journeys, even with the people he loves . It gives him an overflowing feeling of pure joy.

Now happiness, to Rhaegar comes a lot from the feeling fulfilment, and a friend to share in the crazy in the way to go. Rhaegar doesn't consider himself crazy ( as you know cough cough you know who ) but he has very particular things he likes and thinks about, that to outsiders, and people that don't know about what he is talking can sound crazy, a whole lot of crazy. So sharing his thoughts and particular wondering points brings him a lot of fulfilment, he can go on and on for hours discussing and debating about his areas of interest.

The best-case scenario would be if it takes no effort , if he ever found someone who is already on the same page as he is. Someone with whom he can talk has the same wave level of loco as he does. Someone to listen to his thoughts and theories and discuss the ideas and discoveries and latest findings. Furthermore, someone to agree, validate and debate with him! But most importantly of all, listen without judgement and engage him without fear of social consequences.

But why? Simple, because all he wants it's an individual with mutual understanding that nothing in this life is even real, much less fathomable or truly tangible. Something to unites him and this individual or group of individuals in a way that means everything is up for discussion. This unity provides him with a sense of camaraderie, something Rhaegar forgets to acknowledge sometimes, that he needs this will bring him a spirit of true fulfilment.

Summarizing: A few hours alone with an interesting book. People might say no man is an island, but Rhaegar feels ' with himself' when he has a nice chunk of solitude and can stretch his intellectual muscles during that time without any interruptions from the outside world. And also some people with whom he can discuss those books. The man is not demanding, he just needs a book club.

𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐑𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 ?

Rhaegar is someone who struggles with showing kindness, he had his mother Rhaella as an example of warmth in his own way. She thought to him that love only grows by sharing, but she was also very sad, and grief stricken for good reasons, she lost a lot of babies and her husband was a psychopathic maniac, so yeah showing kindness wasn’t easy, so he didn’t have many good examples that stuck with him about being kind. Unkind, selfish, and inconsiderate were most of the things that Rhaegar learned from his father, and from most of the surrounding people, he was the prince, but he could see the shallowness of their actions. It was almost certain that he would turn out as fucked up as his father, but he didn’t.

Most people thought that for him to be kind, he needed to make kindness his most important way of doing things. But he came to be kind and helpful, but the thing is that he doesn’t see fit to be kind and show kindness to those who he isn’t sure deserve it. It also would be worth mentioning that Rhaegar has promised himself never to be, like his father, to never have that erratic behaviour, to not be envious, jealous, suspicious, and violent, to not be prone to furious outbursts. So kindness could be somewhat of a handicap. He can be prone to over-giving to the people closest to his heart, in things such as self-sacrifice, and other actions that might be deleterious to him and his health. He is a very mature person so poor value judgment doesn't often happen to say it even happens with Rhaegar, so he would never expose himself to ruthless individuals, but over giving to those who have his trust and love before thinking of his own health might happen.

Rhaegar will show his empathy and kindness, the fact that Rhaegar is very emotionally and intellectually deep makes his act to be very significant. So that's why he shows empathy when he concerns himself, and understands the feeling like your pain others feel, on a very deep level he might not show it much, but he feels intense emotion just not too outwardly. So in the same breath that Rhaegar will be very calm, he will be taking it all in, almost in a sombre sober way, but somehow he lets people know that he gets it, and he understands profoundly the essence of what the pain or uneasy feeling others around him experience.

The dragon prince shows his empathy with the soothing, feeling his understanding and sympathy bring the people he is close to. He is a shoulder to cry on. Even if Rhaegar in the situation in question remains calm while trying to understand the feelings from people around him. It's like he hits people with a tsunami of understanding, most of it is underwater and not displayed outwardly, but there is a tremendous depth, because he'll be there by the people he has closest to his heart, as he deals with their feelings and turmoil.

Summarizing: Rhaegar’s kindness is not given easily, and it’s not given to everyone, only to those close to his heart, but when given to an individual it comes as understanding. Understanding free of judgement, and helping to solve problems and turmoil, or soothing and comforting when the problem presents itself as pain, anything to make these people feel understood and valued .

𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 :

Rhaegar's happiness comes from very reserved activities, his mind always races with thought so to relax he will read a book about space, magic, romance, and keep it to himself to recharge his energy. The dragon prince’s kindness comes from him trying to understand people around him, understanding their turmoil, problems, doubts, likes, dislikes, likes, he shows his empathy and kindness by understanding.

───── ⟨ 𝐑𝐓 ⟩ ─────

So what do you guys think of it @rhaelyas @dragonstemper @aerltarg @vivacissimx @imaginaryvane @valaenarhaegarovna @rhaegar-and-lyanna @rhaegarxlyanna @lorelei-4 @rhaelyanna @intheairwewilllookmonstrous

#dragon feelings #game of thrones #a song of ice and fire #got #asoiaf #house stargaryen #house targaryen #prince rhaegar targaryen #rhaegar targayen #rhaelya #a character study #valyrian scrolls #valyrianscrolls #headcanons #rhaelya headcanons

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lesbiansforboromir · 4 years ago

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I absolutely love your borodred thoughts, they are just *chefs kiss* so I have to ask how do you think Boromir and Theodred, who come off (to me at least) as very "expressing my true feeling??? In this economy???", get together? How do they start dating and get psuedo-married???

OH MAN ok so so- kajds FFF HANG ON hang on I’m actually... kinda writing this fic but I will never finish it so lemme try and summarise for you SO.

Important things to keep in mind: - Boromir and Theodred were friends as children, or rather they became friends after initially disliking each other because Theodred was foul mouthed and sharp tongued and Boromir was withdrawn and noble. Being so close in age, everyone agreed it would be a good thing for them to get to know each other as boys, since they would be interacting so much later on. This SEEMED to go badly initially, they quarrelled and tussled. But they both also... didn’t seem to want to NOT do those things. And eventually it became clear that Boromir really enjoyed having a friend he could be looser and more competitive around, whilst Theodred was quite eager for Boromir’s more quiet confidence that made him a calming presence. Everyone ALSO realised their arguments had turned to playing and they were thoroughly enjoying having a friend who was their absolute equal in social standing. Bullet points seem redundant now but I’m gonna continue with them.

- The pair actually found more than just a friend in this relationship, they got more confident and settled in their own positions too. Theodred’s manner allowed Boromir to feel more comfortable admitting when he was unsure or didn’t know things, where previously he’d considered that a weakness he couldn’t afford (due to his father’s image of never being wrong). Theodred on the other hand also felt more comfortable with the concept that Some Battles Aren’t Worth Fighting. He didn’t need to dignify every taunt with the validation of noticing it. Sometimes ignoring something is just as good as defying it. And much more! This all naturally turned into them discussing and comparing their experiences as princes and captains, which also naturally turned into them acknowledging struggles and frustrations surrounding those titles that they really never talked to anyone else about. (This isn’t entirely true, Grimbold and Theodred were very close and Boromir’s few tight friends he made and kept all know somewhat of these things, but they can’t quite understand it in the same way) The pertinent point to all this is they grew close and understood each other really well, you know those people it’s just SO easy to be around? Like you always thought you were speaking the same language as everyone else but then you find someone who ACTUALLY speaks your language and you feel perfectly understood suddenly? Yeah!

- God there’s so much to explain, this is gonna need a cut

- This development is also perfectly mirrored in their feelings about each other’s cultures. Boromir was initially fond but ignorant of Rohir ways, influenced by the Gondorian idea that they were all somewhat rugged and unsubtle. Theodred had the impression that Gondor was a very monodimensional country of just self-aggrandising scholars and dull melancholy. And then, just through sharing their interests with each other, spending time together as friends do, they’re really very much shown their misinterpretations. Theodred goes to see Boromir’s wrestling matches at times when he’s in Gondor. Boromir has a WAIL of a time watching Theodred flyting, they get into each other’s interests! Which is something that starts off unconscious, but eventually Boromir feels at home amongst the rohirrim because they are Theodred’s people. And Theodred reconnects with his Grandmother’s family still in Gondor because that’s his connection to Boromir- WE’RE GOING OFF MESSAGE BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT BACKGROUND.

- The basic point is they are both very very familiar with the other’s ‘no emotions in this ecomony’ manner and know all the ways the other avoids just such emotions whilst also being very privvy to the rare evidence that they do both, indeed, have emotions. They also RESPECT that need in the other, to be careful, it’s not pushy. Non-verbally they reach a point where emotions will be safe between them, they don’t get made too heavy, they don’t pry, Theodred just accepts that Boromir is exhausted from appearing like every victory was easy when they’re barely hanging on. Boromir just accepts that Theodred is furious and frustrated with all the scrutiny his character is under from every Thane when they have far more dire things to worry about. They both understand that they’re very very tired of grief, of losing people, of accepting that it was likely their fault, and then moving on immediately afterwards. And also OH OH ALSO!! Very important, they came to their understanding of this war they’re in together too. This sense of impending doom. I think, different from everything else, they admitted the fact that they did not believe they would live to see a new age only to each other. They always knew it, but they had the space to voice it all. Yes, it’s up to us, yes, we will likely fail, yes, we’re going to fight this fight anyway. OK SO THAT- SO JUST- KEEP ALL THAT IN MIND, that’s the foundation of where this all starts SO.

(WAIT ALSO- sorry fuck- also important.... pining. Boromir’s relationship to romantic thoughts is VERY different to Theodred’s, he has a much more like... positive idea of romantic love than Theodred does. Even if that’s not saying much. But the point is that means Boromir realised he was full on deeply ‘I hate when he walks out of a room because everything is more enjoyable when he’s around’ in love with him much earlier than Theodred did. Around 20. HOWEVER, Boromir also has a very ingrained cultural sense of ‘oh but the comradery of friendship is beautiful! I shall be content with this, Theodred deserves my respect so I won’t think of him sexually’ and he’s saying this after having had sexual relationships with men in the past AND THEN GOES ON to have romantic/sexual relationships with men during his pining which is kinda messing with him a little, especially because he ISN’T content- Boromir’s yearning and creating some cultural hurdles for himself later.

Theodred takes a while longer, in all things, he’s not content to accept that he’s exclusively attracted to men for a good long while. He gives relationships with women a go but he’s just having to try so hard for not much and it’s never sustainable. Not helped by my hc of Rohan having a kinda like... half ancient grecian concept of male homosexuality? Which is VERY muddled in with Gondorian sensibilities and creating a wild atmosphere of ‘men with men is just about sex and that’s ok, normal for soldiers sort of, something to tease about, but also don’t bottom and also don’t fall in love with a man, we all have a complex relationship to love in general as men, good luck navigating our impenetrable toxic masculine thicket’. SO Theodred accepts he’s pretty inescapably attracted to Boromir quite young. But when Theodred begins suspecting he has real serious feelings for Boromir it’s a much more frustrating discovery, he hasn’t DECIDED this is ok yet. But he still hates to see him go and prefers arguing with Boromir than drinking with anyone else and he can’t stop his mind drifting to him or missing him when he’s away. PINING, SEE? This ship has everything, anyway moving on)

((NO WAIT PPS, the fact of Boromir’s sexuality is a kind of unspoken thing between him and Theodred, everyone else chalks up his disinterest in women to Boromir being a good Gondorian but Theodred (quietly) knows better. The extent of their talking about it is in private moments when Theodred says something like ‘of course you won’t be doing that I suppose’ and it’s just a quiet chuckle and then moved on, neither of them want to tALK about it. But eventually Theodred can’t be bothered with the effort of pretence any longer. It’s not until later that Boromir notices changes in Theodred where he’s given up on trying for lovers, stopped pretending to laugh at all the jokes he hates and is acting differently around some riders that Boromir’s thoughts turn that way and he wonders. OH KAY. THERE.))

A lot… happens… between Boromir and Theodred before during and after Eomund’s death (so through their 23-24 yo years). What’s important to understand is that the ‘realising feelings’ part was not that difficult. They were very important friends for each other long before anything else. Boromir knew he was in love with Theodred early on, but Theodred realised he was loved back first. And there was about a year of time where they both silently, quietly, and with some sardonic bitterness, knew the other knew.

Because the issue they actually- ahsd damn fuck there is SO MUCH in this that you need to know, it’s tied to this sense they have of not being made for joy, they weren’t made to succeed, they were here to try, they are made to defy the undefiable and lose because no matter the end, their people and these living homes of theirs deserve to be fought for, it’s an understanding that silently connects them, that they both do accept and they find it deeply aggravating and exhausting for people to claim it is otherwise- it’s still all about love for them, it’s all true, they’re happy to do it, they would have chosen these roles if they could have but!! But that drives them into these personas and mindsets of self sacrifice and somewhat mmm young concepts of hopelessness and effort-

The point is that the difficult part was getting to the point of agreeing that this thing between them, that would be just for them, was worth pursuing, was possible and that such a thing was meant for them. Over the year and during Eomund’s death so much happens and there’s this undercurrent that specifically for Theodred is… a kind of slow angry grief, that he wants this but it would just be adding to their obstacles, that BOROMIR wants this- it’s hard for him.

BUT GETTING TO THE POINT, in midsummer of the following year Theodred comes to the festival at Minas Tirith at the Steward’s invitation (and Theoden’s encouragement, Eomer and Eowyn had to have his full attention and Theodred’s presence was as yet not a fully comfortable one for the two children) AND… Boromir had done this before, but Midsummer requires much more elaborate dress and Boromir had an outfit made for Theodred, in his colours, fitting him and his comfort, and he met him at Minas Tirith’s gates and they hadn’t seen each other a great deal since Eomund’s death and there’s a PAUSE to see each other that neither of them acknowledge and Boromir takes him up to Merethond and they get talking and Boromir shows him the garments he had made and Theodred tries them on and Boromir pulls on the waistband and collar to make sure it sits on him properly and Theodred has a look to him of withheld gutting frustration and-

And in that moment Boromir thinks to himself ‘I’m going to fix that’. Good decisions are easier to make when it’s for the both of them and there’s a right kind of defiance that he feels when he nears this decision, a galvanising excitement, and when Theodred asks him what he thinks to break the silence, Boromir tells him he is handsome in a tone he’s never used before.

Theodred turns to look at him and he can’t look at Boromir without being IN THEIR WORLD with him, in their language and the flow they have together and Boromir’s smiling at him, confident, so even if his smile’s still a little painful, he looks at Boromir in his own celebratory garb that he wears so confidently and tells him he’s handsome too. Which gives Boromir an expression that Theodred likes too much and that neither of them are turning away from, but Theodred’s still got a scowl in the silence before he breaks it.

“No longer ‘unspoken’ then.”

“It still is, in technicality.”

“I don’t see the difference.”

“Was it so different before?”

And Theodred can’t help the quirk of his lip and the hand he brings down onto Boromir’s chest that he doesn’t take back. “Glibness doesn’t suit you, be serious, we won’t walk away from this unscathed.”

“I am not intending too.”

And Theodred is caught by that, a small “Oh.” escapes him. Boromir waits but Theodred can’t get the words out he’s just… looking at him, trying to puzzle through Boromir’s mind. So Boromir takes in a breath and;

“I wanted to kiss you at the gates.”

He says with an ease born of relief, just to say it out loud, Theodred’s hand is still on his chest and his own covers it and holds it there.

“Am I allowed now?”

Theodred doesn’t quite reply before Boromir’s leans in. He’s not cautious, he tilts his head and pushes into Theodred’s space and his hand strokes up and over Theodred’s stubble like a man who’s been thinking about doing nothing else for a long long time. Theodred is still, partly on instinct and partly because he is too focused on seeking intent in Boromir’s eyes. But when Boromir pauses, their lips an inch apart, those instincts are gone. And all he can do is relax, mindless and focused, shaking his head in incremental disbelief as his hand on Boromir’s chest fists tighter into his coat.

“You- brave, reckless fool.” He barks in a release of nerves and laughter.

“Yes, finally,” Boromir says in an answering breathless laugh.

They meet in the middle. It is brief, awkward, they orientate, hands stuttering before finding strong, comfortable grips on one another, Theodred’s fingers find Boromir’s curls at long last, he’s been pining after them for too long to let go once they pull away for the first time.

The first rasped question that comes to mind is, “… Did you know… I would-?”

“No, not really.” Boromir answers.

“… Fuck.” Is really the only appropriate response.

“What do you think?” Is asked next.

And there is a great deal he should be thinking about, but all that’s filling his mind is Boromir’s voice saying ‘I wanted to kiss you at the gates’. And it might not be new and he might have thought it himself before, but it’s so meaningful for them both to admit a want. It’s so vulnerable. Theodred hears it with such love, he feels suddenly like he’s holding something precious and fragile, secret knowledge of a moment when Boromir wanted. He’s heard Boromir want before but those were different, this is just for them. And- god that really activates him in a vital and ferocious way, he wants to hear more, wants to want and admit it. It makes him feel positively ravenous for it, for more moments of Boromir wanting. So he says;

“That I’ve never wanted to think less. Not yet, come on-.”

This kiss is longer, exploratory, and something to easily get lost in. A relief. Eventually Boromir’s back is against a wall and both princes are dishevelled with wanting grasping hands. Theodred has to laugh, more confident, invigorated. This has tapped into his bitten, fierce determination, this dogged manner he has where if he’s grasped something then he’ll get it done. He suddenly has living, breathing energy.

“I feel so bloody young.” He grumbles, because he does. And he can’t remember the last time he felt this kind of nervous fluttering discovery.

“… We are young.” Boromir breathes eventually, between his near panting breaths.

That isn’t so funny, just too true, despite how false it feels. How it almost rankles them both to acknowledge, considering all they had seen and done and been. All the dead boys and men they’d shucked to become men that were needed. What on earth was young reckless action doing appearing to them now? And yet it’s also right because… their youth has always belonged to each other.

As a thought it sobers them enough to give everything space to breathe. BUT THAT’S ENOUGH!! Oh my god!! This isn’t even finished- fuck

#Anonymous #chats #borodred #it's been literal months if not nearly a year and I just needed it OUT of my drafts #HERE YOU ARE ANON.... criminally late but here #boromir #theodred #tolkien #erran vs tolkien

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sunbeams-and-honey · 4 years ago

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i lost my last ask, sorry. please help me understand two of my placements, saturn (11h, cancer) opposition chiron (5h, capricorn) and uranus (7h, pisces) sextile north node (9h, taurus.) they are my strongest aspects, thank you so much for your time :) 🕴

Hi darling! Thanks for the question. Looking at your placements is very weird for me because we have the exact same Chiron placement (mine's also in Capricorn and the 5th house). I also have Saturn in the 11th house and Pisces in Uranus! Very strange indeed.

So first I'm going to go through each placement and how they affect your personality, and then I'll go through the actual aspects.

Your Saturn is in Cancer, which means that you care deeply about the well-being of those closest to you. You put a high value on the personal relationships in your life and you want to develop them as much as you possibly can. When you were younger, you may have had problems to do with the people in your life not caring that much about you, and you suffered a lot because of it. Now, you may be trying to overcompensate for what happened in your youth. This strongly affected you, and whether you're aware of it or not, you may be rather opposed to the idea of getting close to people again. You probably have a deep sense of unease and uncertainty about you.

Your Saturn is in the 11th house, making you a friend who can be depended upon and who will listen to your thoughts and feelings. You don't like having to deal with anyone who you consider to be boring or superficial. You may have many acquaintances but not many close friends, again emphasising the idea that you're wary of getting too close to people. You need to remember that not everyone is out to get you, and it's healthy to be vulnerable sometimes. Any childhood relationships that you still have are likely to be very strong and will stand the test of time if you let them. You may find yourself being drawn to those who know what they want from life and know how to get it. You're very responsible, and you may feel like you have a duty to any groups you are involved in. You're very hard-working, and even though you go to great lengths to make things right, your efforts often go unnoticed. If you want to achieve your goals, then keep working hard and just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Your Chiron is in Capricorn, meaning you often suffer for not achieving the success you think you deserve. You probably think rather highly of yourself and of the things you can do, but for whatever reason, you don't seem to get the recognition or rewards. This placement is another indicator that you are hard-working, especially in work-related areas and in any social groups you may be in. You may find yourself sacrificing a lot to get to where you want, only to find that you don't ever get there. It may seem easy to just stop your efforts due to you thinking they're not enough, but I'm asking you to not do this. Have patience. You're also very ambitious when it comes to your career.

Having your Chiron in the 5th house means that you may have issues related to your self-expression. You may have been held back from simply enjoying yourself and from doing the things you want to do. You need to accept that it's okay and actually healthy to do things just because they make you happy. Self-care and self-love is not being selfish. You can afford to take some time to truly appreciate your surroundings. Just enjoying the simple things in life will help you to heal any past trauma. You don't have to be so serious! You may have suffered blows to your self-esteem as a child, perhaps from a parent or a bully. You may feel useless and/or unlovable, but I promise you that this is not true. It's not a crime to put value on yourself because you deserve it. You can use your experiences to support any young people who might be going through a similar thing.

Having your Saturn opposite to your Chiron means that you often felt solely responsible for healing the trauma of your whole family. You may have often taking the brunt of family issues and traumas. You feel like you have a duty to always be the one to help your family, but the whole point of family is that everyone does their bit. It's not your job and your job alone to deal with these things. You may unconsciously feel like you should prioritise and achieve the dreams of your ancestors, rather than your own dreams and goals. You might think that this is what they want for you, but I promise they don't. They want you to enjoy and live your own life. That's the way to make them proud. You might find it difficult to associate family with ideas of love and acceptance, and that's valid. You don't owe your family anything, especially if they haven't helped you in the way you've helped them. You need to remember that allowing yourself to experience and cherish joy is a crucial part of your healing process. You might be feeling as though you have to sacrifice literally everything in order to get work done, when this is not the case at all. Self-respect is a huge issue for you and is something you need to learn in order to truly live your life.

Moving on, we have your Uranus in Pisces. You have an amazing capacity to imagine and to think of ways to achieve your wildest dreams. You are somewhat of a visionary, a master dreamer if you will. You can work with whatever spiritual force you like in order to achieve your goals. You are incredibly intuitive and efficient, and have a great balance of being sensitive and also sensible. You are quite sensitive to getting hurt or being disappointed. This vulnerability doesn't have to be a weakness when you use it to your advantage.

Your Uranus is in the 7th house, which means you can have a somewhat irritating and difficult exterior, even though you're actually very sweet. It just takes you a while to let your guard down and show kindness. This is probably a defence mechanism you developed due to any past issues and/or traumas. You're not a huge fan on things staying the complete same for lengthy periods of time, constantly needing change and variety, especially in relationships. You may also tend to attract eccentric individuals into your life, and you may like to form rather unusual connections with them. You're not a typically traditional person so you may like to experiment with different types of relationships. You don't really like to commit and settle down, so your ideal person(s) would be someone who offers you space and lets you have your freedom for as long as you want it.

Your North Node is in Taurus, meaning you can easily put spirituality into pretty much everything. You need to find a balance between the physical and spiritual realms, as you often go from one extreme to another. You are very powerful and sensual but you have a hard time incorporating the two into the same areas of your life. You may be feeling like you can only be one thing or the other with no compromise or inbetween.

Having your North Node in the 9th house means you are destined for great fortunes. There are unlimited possibilities as to what you can achieve with your life, especially in the areas of travel and politics. You may find yourself often having a bad reputation through no fault of your own. You might not have had a great education but don't let that stop you, especially with all the potential you have. This is another indicator that you should trust in your intuition because it's almost always right. You are destined to achieve great wisdom and you should use this to help others once you get it.

When your Uranus sextiles your North Node, this means that you are, quite frankly, somewhat of a genius. You are a unique individual with a great sense of creativity. You are daring and innovative with a very progressive way of thinking. Your childhood might not have reflected this, but the universe wants you to embrace your individuality once you are free from their views and rules. Your family is likely to change their opinions throughout the course of your life, becoming more progressive like you. You might have a fear of change instilled in you but you need to overcome this, and you are very capable of doing so.

Words Of Advice:

Don't let your inhibitions control your life.

Don't worry too much about what others think about you.

Don't rely too much on appreciation from other people.

Identify where you need to change as a person in order to succeed.

You are allowed to pursue the things you want to go after.

Life is there to be enjoyed, so enjoy it!

You need to put yourself first sometimes.

Be wary of the effect you have on others.

You don't need to hide from the ones you hold the closest.

Be generous.

I hope this helped darling and I hope you have a good day! Sending good vibes your way.

#astrology #pisces uranus #uranus in 7th #capricorn chiron #chiron in 5th #saturn in 11th #cancer saturn #north node in 9th #taurus north node #saturn opposite chiron #uranus sextile nort node #theclankingofcrystal #asks

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years ago

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Hi love. I hope you get this one lmao. Can you pls write a Tommy Shelby x Reader where the Reader gets married to Tommy as an arranged marriage as she is a leader of a gang herself? I want it to be something on the lines of how they end up talking all night to each other on their wedding night, sharing their deepest, darkest secrets and they make a pact to each of staying loyal as long as they are married to each other? Here they don't love each other yet.

"So, how did you two meet?"

You and Tommy looked at each other. "I suppose it's a long story."

You weren't lying to your sister. It was, indeed, a long story. It started in your club. The one you'd worked tirelessly to acquire. Sure you ran illegal business out of said club, but that wasn't anyone else's business but your own. Being a woman was tough enough in society, but in the underworld, it was damn near impossible.

So you did your best to keep a strong reputation and keep strong, loyal people around you. It worked for a while. A few years, at least. But as you gained a profit, the sharks began to circle and close in on you.

You suppose you were just lucky that Tommy Shelby managed to get to you first.

It was a normal night. You were in the club, making sure things were running smoothly and schmoozing with the clientele. It was a credit to your personality. Charisma got you close friends and people who enjoyed your company. Stubbornness allowed you to be tough on the people who weren't trying to be friends with you. You garnered a reputation of being a fun person to hang around. But people were wise to stay on your good side. Otherwise, there would be consequences.

Like there were for the man who groped you learned the same night you met Tommy. The second you felt the man's hand, you grabbed his wrist and twisted it so hard, he was on his knees begging for mercy.

When you looked up from your would-be attacker, you found a well-dressed man with a cigarette in hand watching.

"Miss y/n/l, I'm guessing."

You let go of the groper's wrist. "If you'll give me a second, I need to take care of business." You replied before landing a sharp kick to the groper's side. "Get him the fuck out of here." You alerted your security guard who had come over when he heard a commotion. "He ever steps into my club again, I'll bury him under the floorboards."

"Yes, Miss y/l/n."

You finished your drink on the table. "So, who are you?"

"Thomas Shelby. I'm here to make you an offer."

~~~

"Oh, you met at the club, how romantic." Your sister clapped her hands together in glee. Of course, you hadn't told her everything. Your younger sister was the only family member you had left and you kept her out of any illegal business. All she knew was you made money, earning her shopping sprees and trips to Paris and Rome.

"Yeah...romantic."

Tommy side-eyed you. It wasn't romantic. Not at first.

~~~

"You think you can walk into my club and try to buy it off of me?" You scoffed. "You think you're the only person to ever try that?"

Tommy shrugged. "Running a club on your own, not very feasible is it? What would you do if something happened? Who would you turn to? You've no parents."

You narrowed your eyes at him. Of course, if you'd known he was coming, you would've dug up some dirt on him too. But you just had to roll with the punches much like everything else in life. "I assure you, Mr. Shelby, I'm not alone."

"The Tigress Club three blocks down."

The mere mention of the name was enough to put a scowl on your face. The owner always giving you a hard time, disrupting business, and the worst of all, sneering at you and calling you 'little girl'. "What about it?"

"From what I know, they're a thorn in your side," Tommy replied coolly.

"They have been, what's that to you?"

"My brothers aren't here for a reason. They're three blocks away, taking the Tigress Club."

You furrowed your brow. "Taking it? Like they're just walking in and taking it? Are you serious?" You laughed. "That's absolutely mad."

"The club is yours if you enter an agreement with me."

A rush went to your head. Owning the Tigress? After all that hell you went through to keep the owner from taking over your business? What an absolute joy. But you weren't going to just agree to anything. "What sort of agreement?"

"A marriage."

You stared at the man who you'd only just met. "Pardon?" You blinked, wondering if you'd heard him right or if he was just using some sort of slang that you weren't familiar with. But he seemed too serious to use slang and you were certain you'd heard the word correctly. "Marriage? With you?"

He nodded as if he were only asking for a cigarette.

"Wh-so you-I marry you and you give me ownership of a club? Why would I agree to that?" You were utterly flustered. Some handsome stranger had really walked in, offered you a gift of a club, and then proposed marriage out of the blue. You felt as if you were in some sort of fever dream.

"It'll be mutually beneficial. You get the club, as well as other ownerships. I'll be able to aid in your smuggling operation."

"So, what? You're looking for control over this area of London or something? If you're able to just walk into clubs and take them, then why not just do that? Or why don't we just sign a contract?" You thought marriage seemed to be a few steps past what was the norm.

"Because I've had allies before who have turned into enemies. I'm not wasting any more time with people I can't trust." Tommy answered. And he appeared genuinely serious about the matter.

You studied his expression for a bit before crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in your leather desk chair. "Uh-huh. I think I've just figured you out, Mr. Shelby." You reported.

He didn't seem fazed and only nodded in amusement. "You think?"

"I leave people talking about me, I know that. Word must've gotten to you about a woman running her own club in a favorable part of London. A part you want to be in control of. But you also know about the Tigress. Run by someone else who is capable albeit a total pain in the arse. So who do you approach and who do you send your brothers after?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with that?"

"I think you made the right choice. But girls like to be courted a bit before they're proposed to. And I also like reading a contract before I agree to anything. So why don't you make some effort then come back and we'll talk again."

~~~

"So sweet, you knew you wanted to marry her the first time you met?" Your sister practically swooned at the ideal situation you two were conjuring up.

"Er, well yes," Tommy answered because technically it wasn't a lie.

"But he had to prove himself." You sent him a subtle smirk.

~~~

He did. He visited twice a week, every week for the next three months. He brought legal contracts about the Tigress, now under his ownership, as he said. In return, you gave him a prenuptial agreement.

The hilarity of it all was not lost on you. But after your first meeting with Tommy, you sat up all night wondering what you should do with the offer. Sometimes having the reputation you did didn't lead to a very successful love life. Men were either intimidated by your power or afraid of ever pissing you off. Maybe this was your last chance at ever finding someone. Not to mention, it was someone who understood the work you did, understood the sacrifices you made, and damn it if he wasn't nice to look at. Beyond your shallow thoughts, you found him to be more respectable than most men in your line of work. He didn't treat you like a toy, an object, or a joke. He didn't think it was cute that you were trying to own a club. Didn't patronize you.

When everything was settled with business, you agreed to the marriage. At some points in your agreement, you wondered if you'd gone crazy. Wondered what possessed you to make such an arrangement. But on the other hand, you knew that your life was far from typical. You enjoyed the unorthodox, you weren't going to be some wife sitting at home tending to the children. But you didn't want to end up alone either. You figured Tommy was a good medium.

~~~

"Well, that's such a nice story. I'm so glad y/n has finally found the one." Your sister roped you into a tight hug.

"I know." You forced a smile, feeling majorly uncomfortable with all the lies you just told her. But as long as she assumed the best in you, she lived a happy existence. That's all you ever wanted for her.

~~~

From there, your sister coordinated with the Shelby family to put the wedding together. The closer the date got, the more nervous you became. Sure you'd gotten to know Tommy, but on a very shallow level. It was hard to know him better when you were both so busy with regular work on top of planning a wedding.

When the day came, you oddly woke up with a sense of peace. Your stomach wasn't in knots, your palms were sweaty, and you didn't have the overwhelming urge to run. That peace maintained all the way to the altar. Maybe it was just a sign that it was meant to be.

When Tommy lifted the veil from your face, you found yourself staring back at the blue eyes that had been sneaking into your dreams the last few nights. For a moment, you forgot to breathe. Was this really the man you were marrying? It was hard to trace back how you'd gotten there, but in that briefest of moments, before the preacher began to speak, you felt so happy. It was strange happiness, a happiness that you wondered if was valid or not. But at the end of the ceremony, you realized happiness was happiness. You were getting what you wanted. And if the bonus addition was falling in love, then you were ready for that.

~~~

Later on in the reception, you excused yourself to find Tommy. He was outside in the garden smoking a cigarette.

It was still hard to believe the house you now lived with him. Having a flat in London to now living in an estate with acres of open land. But there were a lot of things you had to get used to.

You sat down next to Tommy and he offered you a cigarette. You stuck it between your lips and leaned forward so he could light it for you.

"Tired of my family yet?" Tommy asked with a small smile.

"No, they're lovely." You replied after a drag. "I think we'll get along well. They know how to party."

He chuckled. "That they do." He agreed.

You both looked out into the night, watching the sky fade to black. Some fireflies danced across the lawn, almost blinking to the sounds around them. Night birds and the rustle of wind in the trees.

"My parents used to bring my sister and me out to the countryside every summer." You remembered. The scent of clean air brought out memories that you hadn't unearthed in years. "Not in a house like this." You laughed. "Just a little cottage."

"We were always on the road in the summer," Tommy said. "There was nothing better than camping outside and just..." He shrugged and shook his head. "Getting away from all that shit in the city."

"You lose touch of a lot of things." You agreed.

Silence fell over you again. Then, Tommy stubbed his cigarette out on the gravel. "What was your favorite game to play as a kid?" He asked.

You smiled. "Oh, I'm not sure I mean...we jumped rope. I was pretty good at that."

He rolled his eyes. "God, Ada would always make us spin the rope for her, it was exhausting."

"That's sweet, what a good older brother." You cooed.

"I swear sometimes I still have shoulder aches from that." He muttered.

"I'm pretty sure you got more injuries from riding horses than spinning rope." You teased.

"Well...I suppose."

"What was your first horse?"

There wasn't even a time for hesitation because Tommy knew it all by heart. "First one I rode was Hank. Little Welsh pony." He held his hand up. "Maybe twelve hands, if that. Stubborn little git. Dumped me off so many times."

You smiled and moved closer to him so you could rest your head on his shoulder. "Tell me more." You requested.

Tommy paused and you could almost feel him looking at you, trying to decipher the gesture. But he didn't say anything. He only wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "First one I officially owned...I guess that was Gus. He was a Morgan, well built. Best connection I've had with a horse..."

Both of you forgot there was even a party going on in the house behind you. You were too busy talking. You talked the entire night without a long pause. That same peaceful feeling overcame you. An indication that you were in the right place.

#ugly crying asks

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dianapana · 5 years ago

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SasuHina Month 2020- Day 15

Day 15- Wanderlust

“Don’t you want to see more than this?” His voice wasn’t loud anymore, he sounded defeated. He had not been above pleading. His fingers tightened on her upper arms but she would still not look him in the eye. “Is this small piece of the world enough for you?” He knew her better; he knew she wanted to leave but she would not give him the satisfaction of replying. She would not reply because the moment she opened her mouth her true feelings would come out, for she could never lie to him. She’d say that she too wanted to leave and he’d take her away and they’d live their life in bliss; but their bliss was at the extent of many other people. She could not be selfish; she could not think of her happiness. But she was weak so she peered up at him from under her bangs. His eyes were intense, frustration swam in them as did love and need. He needed her to give him validation.

The fight was between her heart and her brain, her feelings were screaming at her to kiss him and allow him to show her the world but her thoughts were coldly staring her down in the form of her father. Daring her to speak up because there would be consequences that other people and not her would live with.

He could see the battle in her eyes, he could see that her true desires were losing. He mover his hands to her cheeks and pulled her closer. “Look at me Hinata, it’s only us here. It’s only us that matters in this world”

Oh, how she wanted him to speak the truth. But there were other people that mattered. People that would suffer from her decision to give in to her wishes. Sasuke was not good, he was selfish and unkind to everyone but her. She was the opposite of him, she put everyone above herself, she was kind to everyone even if that meant bending herself out of shape for that purpose. She would much rather allow others to walk all over her than her to walk all over someone else. Only he knew the real her, Hinata never allowed herself to be true around others because that would not go with their wishes, she was agreeable and sweet around everyone else, but with him she was stubborn and strong. Which is why she stood her ground now.

With trembling hands, she peeled his from her face. “Yes. This is enough for me. There is nothing more I could wish for” Her eyes were cold and her tone matched them. She had done it; she had lied to him. Hinata turned around and walked thought the moors back to her home not once turning around. She could not look at him a moment longer and not break.

She knew what she had done was the right thing but with each step it was getting harder to breathe. The town she lived in was too small to contain her feelings, the gown was too long and the corset was too tight and she could not move as she wished in them. Her shoes were uncomfortable and too high, the heels kept getting stuck in the mud. Thought of her chamber filled her head, the room was small and very much not her own. Her father never allowed her to put her drawing on the walls because that would make the value of the house lower.

Sasuke was far away now so she could be honest and speak the truth. “I wish to leave. Nothing about this place brings me joy. Life without you is unbearable but life with you would be just as miserable for the guilt would eat me alive”

“You don’t know that” His voice startled her. He had followed her and watched as with each step her shoulders lowered. She was still with her back at him, she was standing still but he continued walking to close the gap between them. His hands came around her and he hugged her to his chest. “You don’t know that my love” Sasuke whispered into her ear and placed a loving kiss on her neck. A startled noise left her lips. He was far too forward and improper, had someone saw them her reputation would be ruined. Once again this was proof of his selfishness, he did not care about her reputation. Had people hated her she might grow to hate them back. He would allow her to suffer the rumors for some time if that meant in the end, she would come to him and ask him to take her away.

“We mustn’t” Her complaint was weak and only spurred him on, for she was starting to lose her composure. Sasuke ran his nose up the back of her neck and stopped when his lips were near her ear.

“Let us leave Hinata. There is nothing for either of us here” His hug tightened. “I only stay for you and you for others, others that do not care about you as you care for them” He turned her around and her eyes were watering. “Why shall you be in charge of anyone else but you?” His voice grew in intensity. “Allow me to be all you need, for you are all I need”

Sasuke had always played unfair, he would say the sweetest things to her with the worst intentions. ‘He will poison your mind’ her father had said when they were children. And oh, how right he had been. Sasuke had poisoned her mind and did so, so that he would be in all her thoughts. His black eyes filled with hate for everyone, but love for her; his cruel words that he said with no remorse to others, but how sweetly he addressed her at all times; they made her feel more than she was. He had the ability to make her believe she was more important than others. His affection was for her only, so she must be special.

“Take my hand Hinata.” His right hand was a few inches from her hand while with his left one he pulled the pins from her hair letting it down. “Let us go” he whispered this time as he started undoing her corset. With each pull she could breath, the air was fresh and addicting, as was his touch. Hinata leaned her head on his shoulder. She had lost and they both knew; had she every really stood a chance? Sasuke undid most of her corset but did not take it off.

He smiled to himself, her eyes were closed and her cheeks were red. Taking her hand into his he pulled her towards his house rather than hers. They would leave as soon as night fell. Hinata stopped and his muscle tensed. He wasn’t sure he could turn her around if she started arguing again but to his delight, she only took her shoes off and walked barefooted the rest of the way.

Once at his estate Sasuke walked her to his room. The home was silent but that was not unusual, his family were busy and did not care for one another. Sasuke called for a servant and told him to prepare one of the carriages in an hour. The sun would set soon and they would leave Konoha behind. Hinata would not marry for money, she would not sell herself for her father to continue to live in riches, she would not sacrifice herself for her sister to do as she pleased any longer. She would be selfish and leave with the man she loved, the one had loved her since they were children.

He took a box filled with money from under his bed and started counting; he had started stealing from his father when he was 10, when he was 14, he started working and putting everything he earned in the box. The box had more money in it than Hinata had ever seen. Sasuke went to his closet and fetched two suitcases in one of them he stuffed plain and comfortable clothes of his and some he had bought weeks prior for Hinata. Hinata watched him in awe. In the second one he stuffed his most expensive suits and went to his mother’s closet and took a couple of her gowns and jewelry.

They would not and could not return to the Hyuuga estate to fetch Hinata’s clothes so that had to do. And if they did not, he would sell the dresses and buy her others. She no longer had to dress that way; she would be able to wear whatever it is she desired. The wood box he put in the first bag. The bags were done and Sasuke placed them next to the door. She stood up from where she sat at the foot of the bed. Her still bare feet made soft sounds on the flood.

“I want to leave. Take me away. Show me what living feels like” Hinata asked of him and ran her fingers up and down his back for a second before he turned around.

“I will. I’ll make sure there is nothing but beauty and happiness in your life Hinata” he caressed her cheek with his thumb. The next moment the servant knocked on his door to let him know the carriage had arrived. Taking the two bags and Hinata’s hand they walked out the estate and boarded the carriage.

“Where to sir?” the man asked. “Kiri” Sasuke answered. They would go far where nobody would find them; by the time the carriage would arrive back home to tell the Uchiha’s and Hyuuga’s that they were in Kiri they would be long gone from there. Hinata sat next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. The journey started; she could not turn back now. She had allowed him to poison everything that was good in her and turn it selfish. He had been right. She should not care about anyone else’s happiness but hers and his. She searched his hand and intertwined their fingers. Sasuke guided their joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. “I will show you real life my love” he whispered against her skin. She believed him. There was not a doubt in her mind that he would make her happy. They would travel everywhere and see everything, experience every level of love and happiness.

The smallest twinge of regret and guilt pressed onto her heart but she pushed it away. It was not her job to sacrifice herself for others. She would learn from Sasuke to be selfish in the best ways possible. It was her life and she should do everything in her powers to live it as she wished.

“We have just exited Konoha” Sasuke told her a couple of minutes later. She could breathe even better now, everything negative was behind her, all she had left was love and the desire for adventure.

@sasuhinamonth

#sasuhina #sasuhina month #sasuhina month 2020 #SHmonth2020 #SH2020 #sasuhina fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #sasuke #hinata #sasuke uchiha #hinata hyuuga #hinasasu #naruto #writing #writer #writers on tumblr #diawrites #dia-story

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stammiviktor · 6 years ago

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yuri on ice & good omens: an analysis

No two shows have ever drawn me in as quickly or as thoroughly as Yuri on Ice and Good Omens. I’d only ever written for two different fandoms before these and, for those other shows, I started watching them young and fell in love slowly. I wrote extensively, but the focus was rarely on romance—usually I was somewhat ambivalent toward the possible pairings, or I liked the pairing only because of a one-sided interest in one of the characters. Up until I got obsessed with YOI two years ago, I thought maybe *I* was ambivalent to romance, which was why falling for Yuri on Ice (and Viktor and Yuuri’s love story) was such a surprise.

Now I feel like something extremely similar has happened with me for Good Omens and Aziraphale and Crowley’s story, and I’m starting to notice a lot of parallels. I think there’s something similar at the core of both shows that has drawn me to them, some fundamental aspects that they share, and I thought I’d share them in case anyone is interested, in this essay I will—

Sections:

Relationship Dynamics

Character Similarities

How the Story’s Told

Main Themes

1) Relationship Dynamics

The main couples are the beating heart of each show, and they actually have a lot of similarities in the ways they love each other.

In both shows, the main couple defies the world’s expectations. Both couples share a similar niche group—elite professional figure skaters in YOI, celestial beings in GO. Within these groups, the main two characters are adversaries, in the case of GO, and competitors (separated by the non-traversable boundary of their difference in skill level, in Yuuri’s mind) in the case of YOI. The relationships they develop with one another are shocking or even taboo to the people in these groups, and even perhaps to the characters themselves in the beginning. But they are drawn together by something important they share, and they just kind of say “screw the world, I love you, you’re mine”.

In both shows, part of the reason they fall in love with each other is that they understand one another on a level that no one else could.

Aziraphale and Crowley are the only celestial beings that love the Earth and humankind the way they do, and over the years they come to enjoy it together, drawn together by this shared appreciation. They also have a lot in common in regards to their situations regarding Heaven/Hell. They each know what it is like to take orders from and report to a Head Office where they don’t feel particularly welcome, understood, or appreciated; to live in the earthly plane in their human bodies for thousands of years; to have no one really understand them; to question the way things are.

Viktor and Yuuri are both VERY dedicated to the ice and have let a lot of their life (and love) pass them by because of it. They had sacrificed a lot and understand the mental toll it can take, for different reasons. They know what it’s like to struggle to accept love, to put on a brave face, and to compete anyway. They understand that drive for perfection that gets them up at 5am six days a week. Yuuri always had a secret drive to beat Viktor and to be the best, though he would never admit it out loud and assumed everyone else would laugh at him if he admitted it—but Viktor immediately was on board with this, and basically said, “Yes, you have what it takes if you gain confidence, let’s get you there”. Viktor, on the other hand, wanted to retire because he was burnt out and nothing surprised or inspired him anymore, but he didn’t think he could. He knew the world would think, “What the hell, you’re at the top of the world, what would you even do if you retired?”—but there was Yuuri saying, “Be my coach!” and not telling Viktor he’s insane for not wanting to skate. He validates him, only pushing him back toward the ice because he sees Viktor longing for it and feels guilty (but not because “You’re the five-time world champion you HAVE to”). They understand and accept one another where the rest of the world would not (or at least it’s perceived that they would not).

They meet each other where they are. This is straight up a line from YOI obviously, but it applies so well to Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship as well. This isn’t all that different from the last point about understanding one another, but here it’s important that they always try to let this understanding inform their behavior towards the other person.

Viktor, as Yuuri’s coach, attempts adjust to his approach to meet Yuuri’s needs. He sees the hang-ups Yuuri has and helps him resolve them (being convinced he can’t do “Eros”, thinking he’s a failure and lacking confidence, etc) instead of just blindly pushing him forward. Yuuri, who previously isn’t shown to be a very touchy person while sober (he doesn’t even hug his mom when he returns home after five years), welcomes and reciprocates Viktor’s touch (which seems to be his love-language, so to speak). Yuuri doesn’t belittle Viktor for his insecurities (like the whole hair thinning issue), just apologizes when he accidentally offends him and only points out the issues again in a sweet gesture (ep7) that means “I see your shortcomings and I still accept you”. They don’t make each other conform to their expectations. They definitely have misfires in communication (aka the “let’s end this” and the “I’ll step down as your coach” scenes) but it’s because they’re trying too hard to meet each other where they are while their understanding of one another is still developing.

Crowley is maybe the definition of meeting Aziraphale where he is— he understands Aziraphale, knows what makes him tick, know he relies on philosophical logic to justify his actions. Whenever he proposes something (like stopping Armageddon or their Arrangement) he works through it logically and doesn’t belittle Aziraphale for his hesitance—he just reframes the suggestion. He doesn’t belittle Aziraphale for things like being a bit neurotic about the paintball stain, or his love of his book collection; when he breaks the news to Aziraphale about the fire (twice), he is so delicate and looks so sad for him. And Aziraphale, despite the whole “You go too fast for me” thing, still meets Crowley where he is, even if he plays dumb sometimes (after all, he does get on board the plot to raise and later kill the antichrist, and the decision to give Crowley holy water). He never ever uses Crowley being a demon as a way to claim he is somehow morally inferior or unforgivable in order to win an argument; he values Crowley for who he is (damned or not). He pushes Crowley by calling him “nice” only because they both know it’s true, and Crowley needs to own up to that in the same way Aziraphale needs to learn to stand up to Heaven. They do this lovely little dance around each other as their relationship develops, respecting one another, getting to know one another and the ways they fit together and it is beautiful.

They just... are so in love with each other in such a healthy way. The way they look at each other with stars in their eyes (there are so many scenes in both shows, but just compare the kiss scene in YOI episode 7 to the 1941 Blitz scene as they stand in the rubble of the church in GO ep3—the looks in their eyes!!). It’s Mutual Pining Up The Wazoo and there is just so much tenderness in the way they love each other. They also each value the things the other person loves (Viktor values and Hasetsu/the Katsukis/Katsudon, Yuuri values Makkachin and Viktor’s skating, Aziraphale and Crowley value each other’s earthly possessions and vices (the Bentley, the book collection, the paintball’d jacket, delicious food). And finally they both take great joy in each other’s happiness and success.

2) Character Similarities

All of these characters have a ton of depth. They’re complex and flawed, some of them in similar ways.

Yuuri and Aziraphale are anxious kings of cognitive dissonance; they both hold a lot of contradicting things as true and have to find a way to resolve them in order to develop as characters and in their relationships.

In Yuuri’s case, the illogical nature of his anxiety is key. He knows he is objectively a great skater, he’s among the top ten male singles skaters in the world and he qualified for a competition that only takes the top six, but he also feels like an imposter, a “dime-a-dozen” competitor, and he constantly downplays his success and his skill level. Also, in the parking garage scene, he is terrified that Victor secretly wants to step down as his coach, yet he admits a second later that he knows that it’s not true (which I’ve seen people who experience anxiety say is common). Yuuri feels weak and yet he knows he’s strong. He is anxious at the prospect of failure and feels keenly the sacrifices others have had to make for him, and feels like he has a lot to lose even while he doesn’t think his career has been successful.

Aziraphale is also very good at living with contradiction. For 6000 years, he has been holding on very tightly to the faith that God and Her Plan are Just, and all doubts about this can be chocked up to Ineffability. And yet at the same time, he knows Crowley, a demon cast out from Heaven by God Herself, is fundamentally good. After being friends with Crowley so long, he knows that casting him out was cruel. He knows that wiping out an entire population in the Flood was cruel; knows that Heaven and its angels, and even God, can be just as horrible as demons. Aziraphale has known this from the very Beginning, of course: he gave away his flaming sword, a weapon of righteousness bestowed by God Herself, to the beings God has just cast out for sinning. He loves God, wants to follow Her and believe that She is a being of goodness and love, but he also clearly sees Her destruction and hypocrisy and he’s perfectly willing to act against Her even as he claims She has his allegiance. He has immense sympathy for humans, something he’s not necessarily supposed to feel, but he thinks it’s the right thing to do so he does it. He is just holding onto hope that the right thing to do (the compassionate, empathetic, kind thing to do) is what is going to prevail in the Ineffable Plan. He’s very anxious that his own actions are or aren’t in line with the “good” and he agonizes over that. He feels that he has a lot to lose.

So, it’s only once Yuuri and Aziraphale resolve these mental hangups, these contradictions, that they are able to grow as people and in their relationships. Yuuri gains confidence and starts to undervalue himself less and see himself as worthy of Viktor’s time, and Aziraphale finally rejects Heaven’s demands and stands for what he knows, without a doubt, is good.

Yuuri and Aziraphale are the epitome of the “looks like a cinnamon roll but is actually a sin-namon role” trope. At first glance, they seem like adorable softies to be protected at all costs, but in reality they are as tough as nails and really don’t need any protection at all.

Yuuri is a tie-grabbing, Eros-laden menace. He is fiercely competitive, the take-no-prisoners type when it comes to his own skating. This is a man who left his family, friends, and beloved dog behind at eighteen to live in a foreign country speaking a foreign language and working his ass off for five years without even letting himself go home. This is a man who skates competitively (a very mental sport) in front of hundreds of thousands of people even with crippling anxiety. He’s a sweetheart but he is tough.

Aziraphale, according to a reliable source, is “just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing”. He will stand up to God for the things he loves, will gleefully stick it to some Nazis and allow them to be killed in a bomb blast, will steal the holiest holy water out from under Heaven’s nose, will perform demonic acts as part of the Arrangement for the sake of convenience, will possess a woman, will maybe actually almost kill a child, will splash holy water around at some terrified Demons and demand a rubber duck during his would-be execution. Aziraphale is an Angel, but he’s no angel, so to speak.

And now for Viktor and Crowley: they both appear very confident and put together, but are actually very soft and insecure on the inside. They are the characters you start out thinking, “Wow this guy is so confident and he’s got so much swagger,” but it’s revealed that they are actually very soft, unsure of themselves, and (probably) have something in their past that hurt them.

We don’t know much about Viktor’s past, and as much as I want him to have loving parents, it is very possible based off of s1 that that is not the case. The way he hides himself behind a mask and tries to conform himself to what he thinks other people want could come from a lifetime in the spotlight, or from neglectful parents as well. His behavior speaks of abandonment issues to me, especially the way he tries to handle Yuuri’s breakdown in the parking garage. No matter his past, he’s got some issues behind that confident smile he presents to the world. He’s lonely, afraid of the future, and not quite sure who he is.

Crowley is... probably self-explanatory in this regard. He presents this front of a definitely-not-nice-confident-demon, but in reality he’s *shudder* nice. He refuses to do anything evil (like kill children, or honestly anything more than mildly frustrating people), and he has serious abandonment issues of the divine-parental sort that he takes out on potted plants.

3) How the Story’s Told

In the context of the series as a whole, both love stories unfold in similar ways that encourage fan engagement.

Despite having two fairly clear main characters, both shows are dominated (in terms of screen-time) by assorted other characters and storylines. In YOI this starts on the back half of the show once the competitions begin and we are introduced to a huge ensemble of other skaters and their programs; in GO, this happens pretty much from the beginning with all of the various side characters and plots that lead up to the Apocalypse. This leaves somewhat limited screen-time for relationship development in both shows (which total around 4-5 hours each).

Because of this, there is a lot that happens off screen in both shows. In YOI, we have the famed Summer of Mutual Pining of which we only get a couple of glimpses; in GO, we have Six-Thousand Years of Mutual Pining that we only see bits and pieces of as well. When we catch back up with the characters, a lot has undoubtedly happened—they get much more comfortable with one another, and in YOI ep7 Viktor says “Should I just kiss you or something?” almost as if they’ve done that before; in GO ep3 in the Globe Theater scene, Crowley references their Arrangement as if they’ve already started helping each other out long before then. The audience is left out of a lot (big examples being Viktor’s POV/the banquet reveal in YOI, and the Body Swap reveal in GO) and left guessing on the infinite possibilities for those moments we didn’t get to see.

And so in both stories, you get a handful of very important relationship scenes spread throughout the show intermixed with other characters and plot. These moments are so rich in subtext and other between-the-lines meaning. How many metas have you seen analyzing every word of the engagement scene in ep10 of YOI, or the parking garage scene in ep7? How many analyzing the “you go too fast for me, Crowley” scene in ep3 or the bandstand “we can go off together” scene in GO? These moments are open to so much viewer-engagement, to analysis and reinterpretation and re-contextualization. These scenes can be read so many different ways but that’s how real life works, isn’t it? We don’t always just say exactly what we mean. Conversations are loaded with subtext and shared experience and preconceptions and the dialogue isn’t always easy to understand, and that’s wonderful.

These important scenes can sometimes be hard to connect to each other just by virtue of how spread out and between-the-lines then tend to be. But it’s not because they are poorly written or opaque— it’s because there is a lot happening off screen and in their heads that you need to figure out and connect. With the way the shows are structured, with immensely meaningful moments peppered throughout with a lot of stuff in between, there’s a lot to unpack. But this is also part of what makes both shows so engaging—by nature they welcome metas, headcanons, fanfiction, and other fanworks to fill in the gaps. I can’t tell you how many fill-in-the-gaps fics I’ve read for YOI that connect the exact same moments in canon, but each is so unique. I’m sure the same can be said for GO.

4) Main Themes

The most obvious overall similarity between these shows is that they both center around love stories between two (mostly-)male(-presenting) beings in genres where this is rare. But to call this a superficial comparison misses some important, deeper similarities.

Both exist in a narrative without homophobia and their love is so normalized. The love stories (between two men in YOI, and between two genderless celestial beings played by male actors) are never reduced to or defined by their sexualities or genders. Yuri on Ice is a love story between two men that is just straight up set in a world without homophobia. In GO, there are bits where outsiders allude to Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship being romantic (Uriel calling Crowley Aziraphale’s “boyfriend”, and the man on the street after their fight saying “You’re better off without him”), but unlike a lot of other shows/movies this isn’t played for laughs—if there is a joke, it rests on the strangeness of applying such banal human terms to their six-thousand years of illicit celestial-being-companionship. Their relationships are treated so respectfully and beautifully and it’s so refreshing.

At the same time, the narratives are still very tied into LGBT+ experiences. People who can speak to this much better than I can have already analyzed this in detail; I’ve seen so many metas about how GO can easily be read as a queer allegory of accepting yourself and letting yourself love who you love, despite what your family (aka Heaven) might think. Yuri on Ice hits a lot of the same points. They are both stories about learning to give love and accept love, unapologetically.

Love itself is also a central theme of both stories, and not just romantic love between the leads. It’s also about Crowley and Aziraphale’s enduring companionship, their love for the Earth/humanity, and their love of God (in a complicated way). It’s about Adam loving the world, his friends, his family, and his dog. It’s about and Newt and Anathema, and Shadwell and Madame Tracy. Yuri on Ice is about Victor and Yuuri, but it’s also about the Katsuki family and friends’ love and support. It’s about loving and taking pride in your craft. It’s about Yuri’s agape with his grandfather and his relationship with Viktor and Yuuri, the skaters he looks up to. And yes, it’s about Michele and Sara’s and Georgi and Anya’s love, too. These shows are not shallow romances. Their scope is huge.

They are fundamentally happy and optimistic stories, despite dealing with very real and very serious problems. Good Omens is about the freaking apocalypse and Yuri on Ice deals with mental health issues. They could have been very gritty and dark and tragic, but they aren’t—they’re the polar opposite and are, imo, all the more impactful for it.

And at the heart of both shows is a common theme: overcoming who you think you have to be by choosing the life you want to lead and the love you want to surround yourself with. They both end with the main couple sharing a more intimate moment than ever and looking forward to a future of endless possibility that they have worked hard to shape... And then moving forward together.

tl;dr - There might be a reason so many of us have found ourselves drawn over and over again to both of these stories...

#I'm really not sure what happened and who knows if anyone is interested but! here we go #sorry if tumblr eats the formatting on mobile :((#meta #yuri on ice #yoi #good omens #go #victuuri #viktuuri #victuri #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #victor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #katsuki yuuri #katsuki yuri #viktor nikiforov #my writing

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apparitionism · 5 years ago

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Hark

A merry early Gift Exchange to @kla1991, whose not-so-secret Santa I am this year. This is the first part of a story set somewhat in-universe: there’s no season 5 (what could that even be?), and only the first ep of season 4—basically, time wound back to right before the Warehouse exploded in Stand, which aired on Oct. 3, so the Christmas during which this story is set is happening less than three months after that momentous occurrence. I’m postulating that Helena became an agent again, and there was no Artie/Father Data business. (Oh, and Steve didn’t die, so no metronome. I refuse to force Helena through witnessing anyone being brought back non-nefariously from the dead.) I’ll do my best to post the concluding part(s) by New Year’s Day—no promises on that, but I’ll finish as soon as apparitionally possible. Anyway, happy holidays to everyone. Continuing to participate with you all in this wondrous exercise in fandom is a blessing in every tradition, and I’m profoundly grateful.

Hark

“Your upstart nation stole ‘God Save the Queen’!” Helena seethed at Myka.

For whom “upstart nation” was really too much. “Nobody owns that melody!” she fumed, reciprocally, at Helena. “You can’t steal something nobody owns, our version is perfectly valid, and anyway I’m pretty sure other countries stole it too. Look it up!”

“I’m not in other countries. You look it up.”

“I’m driving! Since when are you such a fan of the monarchy anyway?”

“Stop questioning my patriotism!”

“I couldn’t care less about your patriotism!”

“You brought up citizenship!”

“Because you don’t have any!” Myka had genuinely thought they would be having an intellectual conversation, one about documentation and—

“I did at birth!” Helena raged, and then she scowl-sang, “God save our gra-cious Queen.”

This gave Myka pause. She reflected that she had actually never heard Helena sing before. She then concluded that she never wanted to hear Helena sing again... because Helena could not sing.

However: “My country ’tis of thee,” Myka sang back, frustrated. It was the only reason she herself would ever have sung, because—

“You can’t sing,” Helena informed her, in the tone of a doctor trying to conceal joy at having to report that the patient would not recover.

“Neither can you,” Myka informed back, aiming for straightforward “snide.”

“And I never want to hear you sing again,” Helena continued.

All Myka could come up with in response to that was an inadequate “Ditto.”

Helena sniffed. “You just wanted the last word.”

Myka pointedly let Helena have that last word. To make her stew in it. In the ensuing silence, she continued to drive. On this last leg home from a retrieval, late on Christmas Eve—their very first Christmas Eve—the air between them was frostier than the South Dakota winter outside the car could ever dream of matching.

She was under no illusion that Helena cared at all about anybody saving the Queen, and she herself, while reasonably patriotic on the American side of things, hadn’t sung her way through that song since her childhood. She knew this dispute was ridiculous, and she suspected Helena knew it too. She suspected also that they both understood they were developing a pattern: A period of calm—a deepening of accord—that would sooner or later, particularly in the adrenalin-ebb aftermath of a dangerous retrieval, dissipate into some minimally motivated squabble, the respective sides of which they entrenched themselves into with such commitment that it seemed there could never be an unentrenching.

An early instance: Myka had threatened to storm out of their shared hotel room because Helena had mulishly refused to concede that it had been foolish to open a bottle of mini-bar water for which they would be charged five dollars.

“Go right ahead,” Helena had “suggested,” so Myka did.

In the lobby, she’d run into Pete, who wasn’t storming anywhere, just looking for free snacks. “See?” Myka demanded of him. “Like a normal person.”

“If you were normal, you wouldn’t be out here with me. ’Cause you’ve got a hot girl in a hotel room, and I know things got a little uh-oh chasing that guy today, but you’re both still in one piece.”

“Maybe not for long.”

“You volunteered for this.”

“No I didn’t. Artie said ‘Pete, Myka, Helena, get on a plane for Montgomery, Alabama,’ and so we—”

“You know that isn’t the ‘this’ I meant.”

Myka did. But she hadn’t volunteered for that “this” either. Nothing about her response to Helena was voluntary. Nothing about it had ever been voluntary.

“Fights and all,” Pete added. “After the thing”—he always called the barely averted explosion of the Warehouse “the thing,” and so did Claudia—“you could’ve let her leave. You could’ve made her leave. She would have done anything you said.”

“Not anything,” Myka said, to be contrary.

“Maybe you don’t remember how she’d hardly even sit in a chair without your say-so. Oh, but wait, I think I know somebody who remembers everything, some tall lady with a lot of hair, name rhymes with Opelika... hey, that’s you!”

“Shut up. It wasn’t... that simple.”

“It is now.”

She crossed her arms at him.

He sighed. “Lemme show you: ‘Sorry, baby,’” he said in his “Myka” voice, which was terrible. “Me too, darling,” he then said in his “Helena” voice, which was even worse. As himself, he finished, “It’s like you’ve never been in a relationship.”

In a conversation in which Pete had said several annoyingly true things, that one was the most annoyingly true. But: “It’s like,” she conceded, and he slapped the side of her head, very gently.

“Hot girl hotel room,” he said.

When Myka went back to that hotel room, the hot girl said, “I’m sorry,” as if she’d received the same instructions from Pete. “I was precipitately thirsty.”

“I’m sorry too,” Myka told her. “I was precipitately miserly.”

Myka kissed the hot girl, the hot girl kissed back, and they fumbled their way to fine.

Until the next trivial-yet-entrenched tiff... because apparently, peace was for normal people.

Normal people. When Myka and Helena finally made it back to the B&B, Leena, Claudia, and Steve were doing reasonably convincing “normal” impressions: drinking hot chocolate, eating cookies, and playing board games. They seemed to be playing all the board games; Leena was replacing the lid on Monopoly, which she set aside, reaching for the next box in a towering stack. “Chef’s-kiss timing,” Claudia told them. “I just bankrupted these two pathetic poser slumlords, and we’re about to start Sorry. It’s funner with four, so siddown, and you two can be a team.”

“Or not,” Myka said, glancing at Helena, who glanced back and gave a definitely not yet inhale-exhale. “Why isn’t Pete playing?”

“We’re supposed to tell you it’s because he’s doing some last-minute Christmas shopping,” Steve said.

Myka was about to ask, “This late at night?” but Claudia supplied, “Except it’s really that he goofed off today and didn’t finish inventory and thought he’d get away with it but then Artie called and yelled at him.”

“And you left him alone to keep working on it? It’s the night before Christmas, and—”

Claudia waved her hands. “And all through the Warehouse, not a creature was stirring, I swear.”

“Besides,” Leena added, “he’s a grown man.”

“Who always ruins Christmas!” said Myka.

“Always almost ruins Christmas,” Claudia corrected.

Myka demanded, “Is there anything about me that says ‘I like a close call’?”

All eyes turned to Helena, then back to Myka.

Of course Helena had been part of the closest of calls, and Myka hadn’t liked it at all: nothing but the outcome. The Warehouse, the saving of it, yes, the thing—but the real outcome had been the aftermath at the B&B.

That outcome was real, but it was also a dream, one that Myka had dreamed more often than she would ever have confessed to pondering in her heart, this dream of being alone with a present Helena, no disastrous endpoint looming. The dream-logic of it: I can touch her? And Myka put a hand to Helena’s elbow. Reached and did that. Helena looked at the hand, the elbow. She looked in Myka’s eyes then and said, “Don’t spare my feelings.”

Feelings? Are you really you in your skin, Myka wanted to ask. Is this your elbow. Instead, because she needed to know, she murmured, “What do you want.”

Helena didn’t say words, but she made a noise that evolution had found fit to preserve from a deep, animal past, a guttural push of sound through the throat-column: it told Myka everything. Told Myka: “Everything.”

No speaking then but by bodies, a language of desperation and culmination. Helena had a mouth that could be met by Myka’s own, clothes that could be removed to reveal a palpable body, with every response of that body real under Myka’s hands. Myka held her eyes closed for much of that night, lest sight confuse her about presence and its proof, lest she fail to attend to what her eyes could never offer: The fleshy heaviness of a tongue in response to her own. The soft give of a thigh interior under her insistent thumb. The steady pressure of a body that pushed back. No empty air, no absence; only presence.

No question marks intruded on their immediate intimacy, their immeasurable, embodied relief. Two days prior, Helena had been a sacrificeable hologram, but all at once she was Myka’s living, breathing, at-last lover. All destined... like meeting at gunpoint.

That night precipitated a fast fall into full couplehood, with seemingly little conscious choice on either of their parts. As inevitable as the gunpoint meetings, the wrenching betrayals, even the miraculous redemption.

But nothing good can possibly be so simple, Myka told herself. Or so inevitable.

“Is that what you believe?” Myka imagined Helena asking this, Socratically. She’d had so many internal conversations with Helena that she found the habit—probably a bad one—difficult to break.

“I’m tired of belief,” Myka told her beautiful, imaginary Socrates. “Sometimes I want to go back to my regular non-Warehouse life, where belief didn’t matter.”

Helena said, still in Myka’s head, still Socratic, “Or did you merely act as if it didn’t matter? Artifacts were born. Religions carried on as they do. Your ignoring belief had no effect on any of it.”

“My not ignoring it has no effect on any of it.”

“So you yourself, regardless of attitude adopted, cannot affect belief.” Socrates paused. Smiled. “Or that which is inevitable.”

Myka did, in such moments, briefly wonder why she needed the real Helena around, if the one in her head was such a reasonable facsimile. A hologram could have done that job just as well.

But the answers, the “here’s why,” came fast and thick, and Myka rejoiced that they could. The real Helena could make Myka laugh an easy laugh, because circumstances were not as they had been with that hologram, when laughter was an impossibility. The real Helena could touch Myka’s neck—not wonderingly, as Myka had known that elbow—but instead quick and hot, in that way that said “we have been intimate recently and will soon again be.” The real Helena could fall asleep and in relaxation display a face so devastating in its symmetry that Myka was inclined to regret not being Michelangelo, so as to recreate it in appropriately tributary marble.

Strange, though, or probably just ridiculous, to feel that your romantic relationship had made more sense when one of you was a hologram.

Myka should have expected Christmas, also a fraught inevitability, to loom as an existential test—yet another existential test—of that relationship.

She should have expected also that when this new existential test was administered, Pete would be the one helping to shove answer sheets and no. 2 pencils into their hands.

“Might be a close call or two in Sorry. Sorry!” Claudia cackled. “Anyway, go put your stuff away so we can get our Sorry on. Also our merry. We might even sing.”

“Or not,” Myka said again, and this time she got an eyeroll in response rather than meaningful breathing. An improvement? Hard to tell.

“Nobody’s required to sing anyth—” Leena began, but then she sat up very straight and cocked her head. “Do you hear that sound? Or I guess I mean, do you feel that sound? It’s not singing.”

Helena moved her head too, and not in a way Myka recognized. “I do feel that sound. In fact I believe I know that sound.”

“I do too,” Leena said.

Steve squinted. “Feels like... a weird earthquake? Is it happening all over Univille?”

Claudia said, “This is the kind of thing they blame on us even when it isn’t us. It’s why they look at us weird at the supermarket.”

“I can’t feel anything,” Myka said. “What is it?” She looked first to Helena, who was shaking her head—not at Myka, not with anger, but as if she might be able to find the right shake to rid her ears of the sound, or the feeling, or whatever it was.

“Agitated artifacts,” Leena said, performing a very similar shake. “They... rumble.”

“Agitated artifacts,” Myka repeated. “Pete’s alone at the Warehouse, it’s Christmas, and artifacts are agitated. Okay.”

Naturally, Pete chose that moment to march in, proclaiming, “I hope everybody’s ready to apologize to me.”

Steve asked, “Why should we apologize?” Now he was shaking his head too.

“Because everybody always says I ruin Christmas.”

Helena said, “As I understand the situation, the salient fact is not that they say you ruin Christmas. The salient fact is that you do ruin Christmas.”

“Almost,” Claudia corrected again. She canted her head, righted it. Canted it again.

“But this time I saved it.”

“By agitating artifacts?” Myka said, but of course he would think that. Probably encouraged them to have a party...

“More so by the minute, from the sound of things,” Leena told him.

“What? No! That isn’t what I did!”

“The artifacts are telling a different story,” Helena noted.

Claudia offered, “It’s more that they’re humming it real low. Like some geologic event that worked its way into a Björk track. Or vice versa.”

Myka—very calmly, she believed, under the circumstances—said, “What. Did. You. Touch.”

“Nothing, Mom,” he said, and his tone caused Myka to spare some sympathy for Jane Lattimer. He then said, as if it were some magnanimous confession, “Okay. Fine. I did, but I gloved up.”

“What did you touch after you gloved up?” Leena asked. “And why?”

“It was like it tapped me on the shoulder...” he began.

Still canting her head, Claudia muttered, “Sallah flashback, Sallah flashback...”

“And said ‘hey big guy’...”

Steve said, “This is already a longer story than I feel like it should be.”

“And told me it had to go the Christmas aisle...”

Myka had had enough. “If you don’t spit it out right now, I personally will Heimlich it out of you. Joyfully. WHAT had to go to the Christmas aisle?”

He turned to her and gave a palms-up shrug. “You know I don’t know anything about classical music.”

She reached to the table for the nearest board game, to throw it at him, but Helena preempted that move by saying, “Judging from Myka’s face, now is not the time for non sequiturs.”

She probably couldn’t have done much damage with a travel-size Aggravation anyway, but travel and aggravation made her think, in Helena’s direction, Oh, now you can read my face. An hour ago in the car, not so much. Then she sighed internally. Or maybe, an hour ago in the car, too well.

Pete was continuing, “But the Messiah had strong feelings.”

“Oh no,” Leena said, and Myka knew that Leena saying “oh no” in that particular way meant she knew something, and the something she knew wasn’t good, but Pete kept on, still enthusiastically proud of himself: “So I gloved up, took it where it wanted to be, and then came home. Because it isn’t Christmas till I’ve won the Trivial Pursuit Star Wars Classic Trilogy Collectors’ Edition!”

“Do I seriously have to remind you I’m the reigning champ?” Claudia demanded. “What you’re saying is, it’s never gonna be Christmas.”

“Not for a while yet,” Leena said, “because we’re going back to the Warehouse. Because I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening.”

“Why do I have to go if I can’t hear whatever it is?” Pete whined.

Myka told him, “I can’t hear it either, and it’s your fault.”

“Your ears are your own problem.”

“I might Heimlich you just for the fun of it.”

Steve said, with concern, “I’ve heard that ribs tend to break.”

Myka nodded. “Exactly.”

“Santa would not approve of that attitude, young lady,” Pete chided.

“All I do is lug around stockings full of coal,” she said. “Do your worst, Santa.”

She made the mistake of glancing at Helena, whose face betrayed a responsive ripple of disquiet. Exactly the wrong sentiment for ending a fight, even a foolish one, Myka realized: imply that nothing you carry with you is what you want. “I didn’t mean...” she began, but Claudia was demanding of Leena, “How do you know what’s happening? And what is happening?”

“He put the Messiah sheet music in the Christmas aisle,” Leena said, with what Myka considered enviable patience.

“You say that like it means something!”

“It does mean something,” Leena said. “You’ll see. More importantly, you’ll hear.”

At the Warehouse, when they reached the floor, they were greeted by... “Curtains?” Steve tried, because that was what they were. Tall, cream-colored damask curtains with a green floral pattern. Freestanding, blocking their path. Insistently blocking their path.

“For all of us!” Pete tried back. “Dun-dun-DUN!”

“No...” Leena said. She regarded the curtains. “I know who you are,” she said, and Myka found herself unsurprised to see the curtains rustle at that, as if in appreciation. Leena then said, “And now I know exactly what’s happening.”

“A play is beginning?” Helena suggested.

“Not quite, but you’re in the neighborhood. Surely somebody other than me knows who these curtains are really for.”

Pete leaned close to the curtains, then jumped back like they’d bit him. “Oh my god. Now that I look close—the von Trapp kids!”

“Good boy,” Leena said.

“I thought we were calling him a grown man,” groused Myka.

“Leena is providing positive reinforcement,” Helena said. Pedantic, as if Myka had never heard of such a thing.

“I know she’s providing—” But she shut herself up, sighed in frustration instead.

Leena made sure everyone was wearing gloves, then said, “Claudia, keep your goo gun in your pocket; we might find more of them taking their frustrations for a walk.”

“So do we just put things back where they belong?” Steve asked. “And they calm down and the rumble-chatter stops?”

“Any that got themselves where they aren’t supposed to be, we take them back. But here’s what else we have to do.” She paused. “Sing.”

“No,” Myka said, and “no,” she repeated. She chanced a glance at Helena, but she had closed her eyes and seemed to be pre-massaging a headache out of her temples.

Leena appeared not to have heard Myka, for she went on, “We’ll deal with the curtains first. Next, the Messiah goes back where it’s supposed to be—because that’s what started it all. After that, I think Claudia should tell us what we need to do.”

“Oh god,” Claudia said, sounding just about as dread-filled as Myka felt. “This is Caretaker practice, isn’t it?”

“What if it is?” Leena asked.

“Ugh. Thanks, Pete.”

He said, “Maybe it tapped my shoulder because it thought you needed Caretaker practice.”

Myka snorted. “Maybe it tapped your shoulder because it could tell you’re an easy mark.”

“Hey!” he protested.

“Particularly at Christmas.”

“Hey!”

Leena said, “I think the Messiah might have sensed you’d be an easy mark... mostly because you want to make everybody happy. Particularly at Christmas.”

“See? Leena understands,” he taunted Myka.

Myka once again considered the Heimlich.

They escorted the curtains back to the musicals section, passing by Ginger Rogers’s dancing shoes, and Myka was unnervingly tempted to put them on and bleed her way backwards and in high heels out of the entire situation as Leena explained, “People repurpose ‘My Favorite Things’ as a Christmas song. The curtains find that... troubling.”

Pete scratched his head. “I guess I don’t really get that. Isn’t it kinda great?”

“Wait,” Claudia said, “and this might not even be practice: I think I do get it. How they feel. So let’s say you’re you.”

“I’m me,” he said. “Gotcha. Awesome. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Exactly. But what if some holiday thingy came along and made like it was changing you into something else? They’re afraid we’ll put ’em in the Christmas aisle, and they don’t want to be there. Unlike the Messiah, I guess. Am I wrong, Leena?”

“You’re not wrong,” Leena told her, smiling.

“I feel that too,” Steve agreed. “They’re... afraid? Afraid it’ll diminish them. They’ll be about Christmas and that’s all. That’s why they’re so agitated.”

And so the curtains were serenaded with words about raindrops, kittens, kettles, mittens, and all the rest.

“Are they happier now?” Pete asked. “Do they not feel so bad?”

Leena, Claudia, Steve, and Helena all nodded, if not entirely vigorously. Helena said, “Marginally happier. Not knowing the song, I of course couldn’t participate. I hope they aren’t offended.”

But she hadn’t seemed apologetic at all while the singing took place. In fact she’d smirked. So Myka murmured, “Thrilled, more likely.”

Helena pretended to ignore her but also bared her teeth, minimally, in Myka’s direction, as she said, “Popular culture, alas, remains a largely undiscovered country.”

“It’s just one song,” Claudia said. “You’re getting your head around more stuff all the time! Take the Muppets.”

“Last week’s Christmas special,” Helena said, and Claudia nodded. Myka knew they’d been going one per week, because that was as much as Helena could take, whereas Claudia would have set up a holly-jolly IV drip if she could. Helena continued, “The one you called a ‘crash course’ in several shows’ worth of puppets?”

Claudia nodded again, even more enthusiastically. “Muppet Family Christmas! And now you’re up to speed, so for example when I say ‘Oscar,’ you say...”

“I still fail to understand how the large bird, which seems more accurately a costume than a puppet, qualifies.”

“The answer we were looking for was ‘the Grouch,’ so maybe we’re not quite as far along as I thought. I’m not going to bother with when I say ‘Fraggle,’ you say.”

“Consumer of the structures built by the devoted little workers who wear hats.”

“Aaaand that’s why not. Although your essay answer isn’t wrong.”

“Thank you,” Helena said, performing her funny little bow that struck Myka anew, each time she saw it, as a Victorian tell.

In fact, Myka had come home from the Warehouse just as that “crash course” was ending: Helena, as always after such a lesson, looked bemused but relieved, while Claudia was fidgeting with post-lecture satisfaction and, most likely, disappointment that she’d have to wait an entire week till the next one. Myka had asked, “Why does Helena need to know about the Muppets?”

Claudia responded with a puzzled, “Why doesn’t she?”

“Bert, Ernie, and the distinctions therebetween,” Helena said to Myka. “Would that I were you and could retain it all.” She smiled a small “but here we are” smile, and Myka leaned over the back of the sofa and kissed that smile. Because she wanted to; because she could. The smile then widened, and Myka tried not to make the mistake of wondering why every moment wasn’t like this one.

“You two can be pretty soft when you want to be,” Claudia remarked.

Myka had thought, No, we’re not this way when we want to be. It was when they weren’t actively wanting it—or needing it—that this ease stole upon them. But here it was... so Myka kissed Helena again, then asked, “What’s for dinner?”

The asking of that question, in the softness of that moment, had seemed an ideal step forward, one not about destiny or fraught inevitability, but balance and consistency. And then Myka did make the mistake: Why couldn’t every moment be like that? What was it that disturbed all the other moments?

Now, as they all headed for the Christmas aisle, Pete pulled on Myka’s arm and held her back a bit from the rest. “You mouthed the words,” he accused, very quietly.

“So what if I did? You know I can’t sing.”

“Maybe it makes a difference. H.G. said the drapes were only marginally better.”

“She didn’t sing either, by the way,” Myka pointed out.

Apparently her feelings about that were clear, for Pete said, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“I meant you and H.G. Incidentally, you walk a little bit like Big Bird.”

“We’re fine. Incidentally, if you got a chicken bone stuck in your throat I wouldn’t be at all upset about what could happen while I was saving your stupid life.”

“I sort of feel like if she choked on a chicken bone, right now, you wouldn’t want to let anybody else do the rib-breaking.”

Myka almost said a dark “you bet I wouldn’t,” but then she realized: “I think that’s always going to be true.”

Pete nodded. “Kiss her, kill her. I get it.”

Unless he was talking about vibes, he didn’t get it, not fully—Myka herself didn’t get it fully, and in everybody’s defense there was a lot to be got—but it was Christmas-sweet that he got as much as he did. She said a mollified, “Look, just don’t make me sing, okay?” Because if there was anything Myka was sure she and Helena definitely did not need right now, it was a replay of “you can’t sing” and “neither can you.”

“No promises, partner. When Leena says ‘jump’ I say ‘my knees are shot.’ You, on the other hand, when she says ‘sing’? Better say ‘how high.’”

“This is kind of a ‘my knees are shot’ situation,” Myka observed.

“What’s the matter with your knees?”

“Never mind.”

And then they reached the Christmas aisle. About which Myka felt, and felt she had a right to feel, a certain amount of post-traumatic stress.

“If you touch anything,” she told Pete, “I will turn your ribs into chicken bones.”

“That makes no sense.”

“And yet you understand me perfectly.”

He took a step away from her. “In a very mobbed-up way, yes I do.”

Helena, Claudia, Leena, and Steve had ringed themselves around a shelf, and Myka peeked over Helena’s shoulder. Only in the Warehouse, she figured, could a piece of music manage to project the idea that it was pleased with itself.

“It’s gloating at me,” Pete complained.

“It did make you do what it wanted,” Steve pointed out.

Claudia said, “It’s like it knew we’d show up right at this moment.”

“I’m pretty sure it did,” Leena said.

Myka, still at Helena’s shoulder, felt a tension in the body that was not quite touching hers. She felt a tension, too, in words that were not quite meant for her to hear as Helena murmured at the music, “What else do you know...”

TBC

#bering and wells #Warehouse 13 #fanfic #B&W Holiday Gift Exchange #kla1991 #Hark #second part coming sooner rather than later #(I hope so anyway)

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rorykillmore · 5 years ago

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can you rank (loosely if u don't want to play exact favorites) villanelle's most important or influential denny relationships?

i’m just putting them roughly in the order she met/reunited with them on denny, for the record. and in case anyone was thinking of coming for me, this is just what i reckon are the most INFLUENTIAL, good and bad, not a complete list of her friends or family or important interactions

okay and this is just going underneath a cut because it got long as fuck

fox is villanelle’s best friend, her -- if we lived in the, like, idk, homestuck universe (not to immediately make this cursed.) where you can have a romantic soulmate AND a platonic soulmate, he’s her platonic soulmate. and in terms of influence, i want to emphasize how much of villanelle’s denny arc, like... could not have been possible without fox. fox was the first person who was ever kind to her despite having absolutely no reason to be, and he was also the person who challenged her in such an important way at such an important time. during the whole GRACE plot, HE came back for her, and HE’S the one who essentially said “look, you have a choice. you’re not just a tool for this organization. one way or another, you need to make a choice.” which. again. a huge first in her life!

i’m trying to keep these short and sweet since i have so many to talk about, but genuinely like... i cannot understate fox’s importance as a part of villanelle’s life. and for her to even be able to have a best friend, to begin with? that’s such a like, idk. cornerstone of things Normal People Get To Have, and every day i write her i am so so happy she found him. from an ooc perspective, they’ve like, been to hell and back together also, and there’s a fierce kind of joy as writer when you look at a relationship that’s over a year old and has evolved so much over that time and get to go “we made this together!!!”

konstantin meanwhile is... well, he’s the healthiest parental figure villanelle’s ever had. which. really isn’t a high bar! their relationship has always been so tempestuous because it is built on konstantin’s manipulation of villanelle, both to use her for his own gain and... y’know, for his own survival, being able to manage her as long as he did! but he also genuinely loves her, and has gone out of his way on a number of occasions to protect her or help her or take care of her whereas it’s quite likely that most of the twelve’s handlers... just wouldn’t give a shit! i highly doubt that the twelve are the kind of organization where you’re supposed to get actually attached to your agent. and for villanelle, konstantin’s affection for her makes things more confusing, because it’s hard for her to ever draw the line between what’s sincere affection and what’s manipulation. post-canon update, she kind of now aggressively thinks he’s full of shit and is rejecting him for her own well-being which i think! is an important boundary for villanelle to be able to learn to set for herself! and you and i have spoken about how we don’t want to reconcile that immediately, but i also think... she would very much miss him and that it would be very, very strange for her to be without him when she’s ALWAYS had him to fall back on on denny, and indeed in most of her adult life in general. she needs to learn to stand without him, but at the same time.... i’m super interested to see how they approach each other now from this more honest, fractured place.

and then we have ruby , which. i still think ruby and villanelle are one of the most delightfully unexpected panfandom dynamics i’ve ever helped form PERIOD. and it’s interesting because hunter and i have always talked about how you would never expect these two characters to connect on the surface -- and you wouldn’t! but in exploring the ways they’re different, we’ve also found these really jarring similarities between them, too? and i think in a way, they’ve kind of bled into each other on top of that. villanelle’s relationship with ruby is like, INCREDIBLY formative to her learning empathy and just how to... nurture a relationship and be there for other people, but she has also become someone who ruby looks up to, and i think she’s contributed to maybe. Darkening ruby a bit, in that way.

i also think of all the girls, ruby is the one who villanelle has the most explicitly maternal relationship with. weiss too, but i’ll get into why i think that works a bit differently in weiss’ section. but anyway, WHEN you have that kind of relationship with someone, at least when you’re approaching it with earnesty and a determination to do it Right, it challenges you with a certain kind of responsibility that i think has been essential to villanelle’s development too. not only has it taught villanelle how you love someone in a comparatively selfless way from what she’s used to, but requires from her a certain kind of self-awareness and moral awareness (if she doesn’t care about doing the right thing In General, she cares about doing right by ruby) that has allowed her to mature a bit on denny. so yeah, ABSOLUTELY one of of villanelle’s most influential dynamics.

she’s obviously also very close with weiss, and i would also call her feelings for weiss maternal, but compared to ruby/villanelle i think weiss and villanelle’s relationship tends to take on a more Sisterly overtone on the surface. and i think that’s maybe because weiss HAS a sister who is basically villanelle’s age, who is her other maternal figure, so for weiss that’s more just how these kinds of feelings tend to Manifest. idk. you know, not to speak for jay, that’s just my take on it. but while weiss and villanelle have never really clashed the way ruby and villanelle have and then had to work through resolving that, i think in a way weiss just holds villanelle more accountable on a more day to day basis? they’re always quite honest with each other, weiss has always been quick to call her out, and like -- post-graceplot, for instance, weiss was the one who was like “i believe you didn’t mean to hurt us but you still need to find a way to make this right.”

and not that weiss did this deliberately, but she’s also the person who REALLY tested the person villanelle has become on denny and how... committed she is to loving the people she loves, via everything that went down during the hunger games. the way villanelle feels about the sacrifice she made is still really complicated -- it’s not something she feels comfortable being commended for, but it’s also not something she regrets. she’s not one to put selfless sacrifice on a pedestal, especially not in a horrible situation like that where neither of them should have had to to begin with, but a part of her... does find a deep sense of relief in finding this validation that her love for weiss - and all the girls, really - is real, and that she proved it to herself. after the games, i think maybe villanelle can be open with weiss in a way that she can’t entirely be with the rest of the girls. it’s just one of those things where if you go through something like that together, the bond it forges is quite unique.

i wavered on whether to include blake because villanelle didn’t do quite as much active development with her or yang, but i’m throwing blake in here for a few reasons. 1) post-graceplot when villanelle was kind of avoiding everyone, blake was the person who was able to approach that from the most empathetic point of view since she had just recently been on a “running away from everyone” arc herself, and i think that ultimately helped villanelle a lot in easing into wanting to make things right.

2) blake’s death during the games, and her not coming back afterwards, was a HUGE driving factor in how desperately angry villanelle became after the fact. it’s also maybe the most raw experience she’d had with grief up to that point, and it wasn’t something she was able to reconcile. that loss really helped to fuel her rage and also taught villanelle that even when you do your best to love someone else, things can still go wrong and you can still lose them, and that... wasn’t an easy thing for her to come to terms with.

and 3) she promised to fuck up adam for her if he ever showed up which, i think, should be the driving goal of the rest of villanelle’s life,

sun and villanelle aka the single greatest example of “what if we jokingly shipped this oh god oh no wait i’m invested.” look they were always meant to be temporary but they were so goddamn sweet! while they lasted! i think planning temporary ships can give characters MOUNTAINS of development that endgame ships just can’t give you in the same way (not to say there’s not plenty of development that comes from endgame ships; i’m just saying there’s. a special kind of development that comes specifically from being brave enough to approach ending things with finality.) in villanelle’s case, that kind of stable, sweet relationship where she was tempering so much of herself deliberately could have never lasted, but it was good for her to get to experience that for a little while regardless? while i don’t think she was in love with sun, she did learn to just love him, and i think the clarity and simplicity sun approaches people in general with was something villanelle really benefited (and still benefits) from. most of all, it was significant for her to be able to see and understand that she wasn’t going to be able to be present and stable in that relationship in the way that sun deserved, and to make the decision to let him go. even if she was never OBSESSIVE about sun, villanelle still used to be a pretty selfish person who didn’t see any reason to let go of things if she enjoyed them, so i think. it can’t be underestimated, what sun taught her about love.

emerald and villanelle have come SUCH a long way. first they were friends, then they were very bitter enemies, now they’re friends again approaching even a familial fondness. when villanelle was angry at emerald, it was never so much morally based as it was specifically based in the way emerald had hurt ruby, and penny, and had lied to villanelle herself. and although they started to resolve that after em didn’t take the chance to take advantage of villanelle during the memory glitch, i really think it was all the cinder stuff that allowed them to become close again. there are a lot of parallels between emerald and villanelle: both of them have coped by refusing to acknowledge the depths they’d sunken into over their heads with their respective organizations, both of them have been stuck in incredibly fucked up situations with older women. i think when villanelle acknowledges what emerald’s been through and is able to recognize that and feel compassion for her, she’s in a way learning to feel compassion for herself, and that’s very significant. i’d love to see how they evolve after villanelle’s canon update because i think now she’ll even have. More feelings about that. and i also think on some subconscious level as the new fall maiden she feels some kind of obligation to em, to be better than cinder was.

eve is, of course, a given on a list like this. she is such a powerful - the most powerful, in fact - influence on villanelle in any universe, and i think a lot about that in the context of villanelle having so many other people in her life now who she loves and who love her. as we’ve kind of seen on at least one occasion, if villanelle had to choose between eve and everything and everyone else she has... she would always choose eve. which isn’t something i’m trying to paint as sweepingly romantic (i love villaneve and i love how disastrous they are around one another, but i can still admit i’d be concerned for someone who would choose their partner over EVERY OTHER LOVED ONE THEY HAVE COMBINED,) but then again, it’s not even necessarily only for romantic reasons. it’s because eve is someone and something villanelle... craves, needs, finds time and time again that she simply cannot live without.

and them trying to make a relationship with one another work on denny has really provided its own unique set of challenges that’ve had an impact on both of them. eve and villanelle are deeply intrinsically connected, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to peaceful coexistence. any semblance of that, i think, is something that they’re always going to have fight for durations of, because their instinct is so much to consume one another instead! while its effect on villanelle of course can’t be described as wholly healthy - like i just mentioned above, she can be pushed into that place where she just sabotages everything else in her life for eve even still - that isn’t to say that there aren’t things about eve that haven’t changed villanelle for the better too! because to even have a romantic relationship with eve for an extended period of time like she has, villanelle has had to get better at certain things. she’s had to access a place of vulnerability and willingness to communicate that she hasn’t with anyone else, she’s had to accept eve’s own agency and individuality separate from their relationship (which is something she did on denny even before season 3 had her do it in canon!), she’s even had to do things like confront what her, say, killing bill actually meant and how it affected and continues to affect eve. it’s an absolutely explosive and constantly unstable dynamic, but there is of course GENUINE love between the two of them, and i really love all the ways in which villanelle’s been challenged to fight for that.

carolyn bears a mention because she’s undoubtedly been hugely influential in the choices villanelle has made (and the ones which have been denied to her), especially lately. i don’t think villanelle ever particularly underestimated carolyn, but i think she was much too proud and too cocky to have imagined she’d have ever ended up under carolyn’s thumb the way she did. carolyn forced villanelle into the RID, and that was a situation villanelle was pretty complacent in for a while if only because it generally worked out for her. it took being backed into a corner to realize exactly how fucked she was, and interestingly enough i think that started to open villanelle’s eyes to the reality that she keeps ending up trapped by these higher powers, which is something that her canon update is going to heavily heavily emphasize. so. yeah, although while canon villanelle is mostly ambivalent to carolyn, denny villanelle absolutely HATES her. which. heh. may not end well. for at least one of them.

natasha is such a significant relationship for villanelle because i think, even with all the time she’s spent on denny and all the people she’s met? villanelle does not know... many people who are like her. most of her friends who know she’s an assassin either shy away from that part of her, or acknowledge it without really understanding what it means or what villanelle’s relationship is with killing and her own inner darkness. but natasha is such a PARALLEL to villanelle in so many ways, she was shaped into a weapon and told it’s the thing that defines her too, and even though she got out, she still has to grapple with that part of herself every single day. villanelle and natasha have their differences, sure, their variations in character and how their individual stories play out, but they also share a very specific understanding with one another that i don’t think either of them can really get anywhere else at the moment. and that’s a huge part of why nat has been such a significant influence on villanelle. when nat shows villanelle compassion, it comes from a deep, unfiltered place of empathy, something that could never be mistaken as Pity because they both understand what an insult that would be. when nat shows kindness and affection towards villanelle, it always seems to come from a place of “i understand the place you’re in completely, and you deserve to be treated like a human being anyway” which i think is so tragically ironic considering the self-loathing nat still carries around with her.

and i think there’s a part of villanelle that... while on denny she’s never expressed outward interest in completely changing her lifestyle or anything like that, i think there’s a part of her that looks at nat and admires how far she’s dug herself out of the hole she was in and, in some small quiet way, hopes to be like her someday.

pyrrha is pretty unique among the ruby girls in that like, rather than bonding with her gradually, villanelle kind of latched onto her immediately in a very “THIS IS TEAM RWBY’S DEAD LOVED ONE I MUST PROTECT HER” sort of way. which is interesting in its own way, because villanelle is rarely that protective of other people, and i think it goes beyond the physical (because she knows pyrrha can take care of herself) and more into the emotional. which villanelle does not especially consider herself well-equipped to handle, but hey, she’s gotta make sure pyrrha values herself beyond just what she can give or sacrifice to others!!!

on the subject, in terms of influence i have to mention that pyrrha gave her life for villanelle during the games, which is something that no one has ever done for her before, and an event which directly compelled villanelle to do the same for weiss. i don’t think villanelle knows how to even... address that, really, and can’t fully process the scope of it even though she made a similar decision in the end. in simplified terms, she feels like she owes pyrrha a debt, and one she hasn’t yet fathomed a way to repay.

elizabeth really just started out as a minor infatuation, a lil crush like villanelle gets on any pretty woman who intrigues her for more than 5 minutes. her flirtations with elizabeth were all in line with that, and i don’t think villanelle really realized how much she was encouraging elizabeth’s feelings for an attachment to her, particularly because her own feelings were not particularly intense for the first stretch of their friendship! in a way, villanelle’s relationship with elizabeth is a good examination and challenge of something i haven’t really done before with villanelle, which is that, like. it’s not her fault that she doesn’t bond or attach the way other people do (or at least, is much slower to), but she also has virtually no self-awareness of the way she engages and sometimes leads people on as a result. a lot could have been averted if she’d just... had the sense to set boundaries or had found a way to be more honest about the person she is.

but a lot’s happened since then, and now villanelle has to contend with the fact that she DOES love elizabeth, but at a time when their relationship has already just become too strained and impossible for the time being. additionally, villanelle really has no reference at all for being IN love with someone (or approaching that, anyway) in a way that’s non-obsessive and more quiet and gradual and just... very different from the way she loves eve, so she has a real hard time distinguishing this grey area between platonic and romantic feelings. because villanelle is still very literal in the interpretation of her emotions, so her reference for being in love with someone is “eve”, and she doesn’t know how to recognize anything on such a different part of the spectrum (particularly because villanelle is probably physically attracted to like, many of her platonic adult friends,)! SO elizabeth and villanelle’s relationship is very influential in the sense that it really pushes villanelle into exploring parts of herself and emotional experiences that she hasn’t really yet.

do i need to put cinder here? she wasn’t in villanelle’s life for very long, but technically she is the reason villanelle has maiden powers, which changed her life entirely, so,

and then i’ll also toss in jigsaw (and technically also handsome jack), who will be INCREDIBLY pleased to know that his trap had a lasting effect one way or the other. don’t get me wrong, she was pissed as hell about it and would go on the WARPATH if she ever caught so much as a whiff of their involvement, but i mean. aside from the fact that lasting trauma definitely counts as an influence, i think it is one of the events that definitely brought villanelle closer to and more attached to eve, if perhaps in a. somewhat codependent and overprotective way. still can’t believe they caught villanelle saying she would give up everything else in her life and die for her gf ON TAPE,

#fizzlep0p #tony genuinely this is an essay you dont need to feel obligated to read it all #or read it all in one sitting #BUT THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE EXCUSE TO GUSH ABOUT THESE DYNAMICS IVE LOVED SO MUCH #seriously this started out as a quick list of character names and then i wrote like 2 paragraphs for each of them #so feel free to look up your character (s) and then just nope out #cuts dennys lvad wire #long post /#i guess. because the cut will not fucking work the way its supposed to for some reason

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brookscharis · 5 years ago

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christian girls & pornography

Ever since I posted a Tik Tok video with the same title as this post, my inbox has been flooded with girls and grown women who struggle with the same temptation that I have.

It might be pretty jarring to come across a Christian girl talking about her struggle with pornography but, it happens. And if my DMs are only .0001% of the population of Christian girls who struggle with lust, then I’m pretty sure every 1 in 2 girls probably has a secret habit of this too –– not even exaggerating. Women are humans with sexual urges too, just because we love Jesus doesn’t mean we don’t wanna do the do (after marriage, of course). But that’s where the struggle starts. As a single woman, we know that it’s God’s will for us wait until MARRIAGE. How can you wait that long and not explode? How is it even practical in terms of knowing your body before your husband does? It leads to a lot of curiosity about sex and a need to understand why it’s so forbidden.

I saw my first pornographic video as a computer pop-up at 8-years-old. Since that day, it opened a curiosity about sex and what that entire “grown-up world” was about. Like any kid who grew up with the internet and didn’t know something, I googled “sex”. You can only imagine what I got myself into. It’s almost funny but it’s actually super traumatizing. I was bound to watching porn until I was a Sophomore in college. I always felt wrong and knew it wasn’t right after I finished, but I just took the few green lights from articles I found online about the joyous health benefits of masturbation and plugged my ears to my conscience screaming at me. I googled, “Is masturbation bad?” and of course, nothing but, “Nooooo, noo not at all! It’s healthy! It’s good for you to know your own body! It’s good for you to know what you like!” was all that I found. I didn’t think to google, “Is masturbation a sin?” I was 8, but maybe I would’ve had confirmation of the bad feeling that I had on the inside if I asked that question. Because, yes, masturbation is a sin (Matthew 5:27-30). Someone close to me could’ve told me this too, but that would mean admitting that I watch people have sex in my spare time... nah, I’m good. I isolated myself and felt so overwhelmed with shame. No one could know I dealt with this, I hid it and swore I would take it to my grave. But, like the saying goes “what is done in the dark comes to light” and my issues manifested in other ways. This habit led me to lust after my friends (bi-curiosity), feeling like a baby for being a teenaged virgin, and seeking validation from boys by wearing revealing clothes that I never actually felt comfortable in.

The question that I get asked the most is, “how did you conquer it?” How did I overcome, stop the habit, break the stronghold?

A little backstory.

So, my lifestyle and spiritual practice at 19 years old was anti-Jesus. I was down for anything, pretty much, except submitting my life fully to God. I didn’t have a religious affiliation, I just considered myself “spiritual.” My open-mindedness landed me in a toxic relationship with one of my closest friends who I knew was bisexual. When we began talking, we bonded over the law of attraction, manifestation, angel numbers, and we confessed to each other that we both watched porn –– it was attractive to her. Fast forward, after much emotional manipulation on both ends (I used her for validation and attention, she did the same), I ended it and I was ready to get serious about God. You see, I grew up a Pastor’s kid in church my whole life, I knew better and I was rebelling. I wanted the peace that surpassed all understanding, I wanted contentment, joy, and favor. That Christmas break, when I went back home from college, going to church felt different. I was engaged and hungry, I was spiritually poor and starved. That’s when my pastor read Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” That’s all I needed and I started pursuing God like never before. I blocked her number, I went back to school after my break and got rid of everything I owned that didn’t please God. I switched up the music that I was listening to, I fasted for the first time (and made it a real spiritual challenge for myself in order to get the most out of it), and I cut back on hanging out with my friends at the time. That’s when I stopped watching porn entirely, and it’s been a year since. Four months since I fell into masturbation.

Now, I understand how that didn’t really answer the question. That’s because there’s nothing that we can do to conquer anything, but abide in God. It’s the Holy Spirit that gives us a desire to live for Him, He speaks to us and called us to Himself before we say to ourselves, “I think I’ll give Jesus a chance.” That’s Him choosing you! There’s a moment when you snap out of it and notice how you’ve been living in the scraps of what this world has to offer, that moment for me was blocking the girl I was dating. Everything that represented that life had to go, from posters to clothes to what I watched online. I refused to be enslaved to that sin and I surrendered my sexuality over to my Creator.

One thing I want you to take away from this is that we are not the hero in our story. We don’t vindicate ourselves or conquer anything, God is our hero and Savior. It’s through Christ that we are more than conquerors. Not through our own strength or practical tips.

But they do help! Here are a few:

1) Guard your heart - don’t watch shows/movies or listen to music that’s centered around sex or has a lot of sex scenes in it. Otherwise, it will trigger you.

2) Be mindful of the company you keep - when you want to break free from sexual sin, you won’t find the support or good influences you need if your friends encourage casual sex. Entertaining conversations about sex might be triggering, too.

3) Remember that it takes physical effort and restraint to stop - this isn’t passive, you have to literally refuse and fight against it.

4) Call on the name of Jesus - forreal, tho.

5) Tell someone - it doesn’t have to be right now but, tomorrow isn’t promised and confessing your sins will set you free. James 5:16.

You’ve probably tried all of that and it didn’t work, that’s because it will never be enough. You’re not strong enough to resist something as desirable and satisfying as sexual sin, as humans (even Christians!) we love sin. There’s something in us that can’t get enough of it –– unless we love something even MORE than we love sexual sin. We must love God, He is our strength. The more time you spend with Him (reading His word, praising Him, worshipping Him, learning more about Him) the more you’ll be disgusted by sin. God changes your desires and you’ll get to a point where you can’t even bring yourself to open that website again. It’s a fight against the Spirit and the Flesh, principalities, and powers, it’s not one you can just grit your teeth and power through –– ya need Jesus!

Some of you will leave this post and have the spiritual motivation to spend some time with God for a few minutes, then you’ll be bored. You’ll think to yourself, “I really want to stop falling into this sin, but I guess I don’t want it enough because I keep falling asleep when I read the Bible.” That’s not true, beloved. We’ve all been there. Your level of engagement has nothing to do with how badly you want God to work in your life, you need the Holy Spirit to help you. Pray to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to give you the Holy Spirit so that you will enjoy and look forward to knowing more about Him.

This temptation can either destroy your relationship with God or bring you closer to Him. He can break this thing off of you, but it will be His working in you — completely. He fights our battles, our job is to be still and abide in Him. The more you love Him, the more you’ll hate sin because sin separates *you* from the One that you love, Him. However, it never separates *His* love from *you* (Romans 8:31-38), we can begin to feel distant and guilty which leads us to continue because we feel too far gone anyways. That’s a lie from the enemy. The more you sin, the farther you stray from God, but He never will give up on you. Read Luke 15, it’s never too late to come home — it’s all about having a relationship.

God could instantly deliver you from this but, how would that change your heart and bring you closer to Him? You would be grateful for a bit, then you might slip into another temptation to replace the porn. It’s through a relationship with God that your heart changes and you will not desire any sin. Because outside of looking at others with lust by watching porn, are you a liar? Do you steal? Are you disrespectful to your parents? Are you easily angered and offended? If you are, you’re guilty of more than just watching pornography, you’ve committed crimes against God. But, He loves us so much that He sent Jesus to take our punishment for the sins we committed. Jesus experienced God’s condemnation so we never have to, all we have to do is trust that God’s punishment for us was finished in Jesus’ sacrifice and repent – turn from our old ways and be a new creation. We don’t do this in our own strength, we do this through the Holy Spirit, there’s no way any of us can be more like Jesus without His help. If you truly accept Jesus (not just say the Sinner’s Prayer but allow it to change you), you won’t just go to Heaven, but you’ll receive the love, validation, contentment, and the intimacy that you’ve been searching for here on Earth.

I haven’t arrived fully to this point yet, it’s a process to become satisfied in Him as a Child of God. At times I fear that I haven’t really surrendered my life, there’s a lot that I still want to control like people’s perceptions of me and making sure nothing impedes on my nap time. However, I don’t doubt that God is greater. It takes time and devotion to love Him, I will continue to learn how to love Him for the rest of my life. But with love comes trust and trust leads to obedience, it’s like that for all of us.

God is not mad at you, He’s not ashamed of you, He doesn’t find you embarrassing and He is NOT disappointed in you. He loves you and He will fight this for you, all you need to do is receive His love by surrendering your life to His purpose for you and start living as the new creation that you are. You are a daughter of the Most High God, no longer are you a slave to sin.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV

#christian christiangirl sexualsin freedom temptation sin tiktok christiantiktok

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theangrypokemaniac · 5 years ago

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Contests Part 2/2

6. Loser Jessie

Screechy harpie Jessay has even more of a raw deal than Mavis and Dawn of the Dead.

From the outset I knew she'd never be champion, but she ought to rise above the tiresome berks clogging up procedure.

Sufficient popularity at Pokémon Towers ensured the girls were allotted coverage of all their award ceremonies. They had a moment in the sun.

What has Jessie in comparison?

I can't recall Hoenn, but I don't expect it was much.

Sinnoh however carried naught but a single paltry episode.

This for a main character.

This for someone there from the beginning.

This for an ardent fan favourite.

This for a wench who, should we include all her various mutations, has featured in more installments than either of 'em.

But no, treat Jesseee as worthless, even lower than Dawn's groupies. It's not like anyone watches it for her.

Looking back, it's obvious what they were intending to do come Unova.

What's the score then?

• One paltry Contest on screen.

• A couple happen elsewhere, marked by a few seconds per mention when the script oh-so generously moves away from the thrilling main plot.

It's gotta be the small-town concerns for Jessuhleenuh, nothing major. She deserves no better.

• One won by James, so not hers. Press her inadequacy upon us!

• One obtained as a gesture of pity from Kate Middleton.

And how did that work? What's the good of allowing 'Dawn' entry again?

She'd already qualified. If winning here, that gives her six, therefore there aren't enough Co-ordinators for the culmination.

And when Jessie showed up with a Ribbon recorded as belonging to Dawn, how was she taken as fulfilling the quota?

The slapdash way these Contests are run!

God forbid Jess should be shown as excelling at anything. It must be scraping into the final undeservedly.

Bitch gotta know her place.

7. Bumpkin Jessie

...

Ain't no description I can give that don't rhyme with 'hit', or variations of the theme.

You thought the shafting Jessica got coverage wise was bad enough? Yer ain't heard the 'alf of it.

Sinnoh was a period of peak Moron Team Rocket, where the one surprise was how stupid they could be.

You may remember an early episode when James designed her clothes for the catwalk. She thought it'd complement his work by applying lipstick all across her mug.

Obviously Jessie would do that, clueless as to how make-up functions.

Come on kids, she's thick!

Even at that numskull nadir it's difficult to comprehend anyone choosing this get up without severe duress.

Picture the scene: you debut on stage, before an audience of thousands and television cameras, in an event preoccupied with superficiality.

What do you wear?

• Giant, oversized glasses out of fashion since the Seventies.

• Bootlace tie last worn in the nineteenth century Wild West by a barman serving sarsaparillas.

• Colour scheme of brown and orange, the nation's favourite hues.

• A man's old shirt fraying at the cuffs.

• Voluminous apron dress.

• Massive yellow bows last seen decorating an Easter Egg. Always a winner.

• Heavy, clod-hopping boots.

• PIGTAILS!!!

Even the name is unattractive.

Ah yes, very common for those under six. Unheard of later.

You have reached puberty haven't yer Jessie? I can't tell anymore.

They couldn't get enough of that combination in Cosmo, which is why it's no longer in print.

Not only is Jessie denied success, she's deprived of the chance to be pretty in a realm where nothing but that carries weight.

Worse, given how her face disintegrated, this is the best she's been for five generations.

Yeah, because the inbred milkmaid style is such a good look, eh?

SEXAY!!!

8. So Long, Tsundere

Remember tsunderes? What happened to 'em?

The curse of Pokémon was draining the well of inspiration too quickly, throwing away interesting characters as mere guests.

This is particularly noticeable regarding the ladies. Back then, we got Misty, Jessie, Jessibelle, Cassidy, Aya, Giselle, Tyra, Sabrina, assorted crones Brutella, Nastina and Lacy, plus Joy, Jenny and Dame Ketchum provided parental authority.

How did a series that began with ball-breaking birds like that end up with insipid, glassy-eyed dullards like Zuhreena, Banana Lana, Marsh Mallow and Lilliput?

Ooh, Zuhreena is a pwincess!

Ooh, Banana Lana bwows big bwubbles!

Ooh, Marsh Mallow wuvs phallic waddishes!

Ooh, Lilliput won't pwet wanimals bwecause of Secwet Pain!

Can you imagine such weak specimens finding any place in the anarchic atmosphere of the classics?

It's SO boring!

Where's the punch? Where's the human spirit?

Where's the entertainment gone?

This squishy attitude began in Hoenn. Misty left, Jessie's hair symbolically changed from volcanic red to pink, and Contests introduced a cuddly theme where glitter glue and sequins are top priority.

Every sharp corner, every jagged point has been filed smooth. Now its substance hasn't the hardness to even develop edges, not when it's all cushions and candyfloss, where catching Pokémon rests on them deigning to grant permission, rather than 'avin it out.

Tsunderes, exuding untamed charisma and independence, besides a soupçon of danger, simply don't fit the cardboard box we habit now.

Nor do yanderes, kuuderes, tsuntsuns, or even derederes. It's just nothing but smiley-smiley creeps.

I wouldn't mind any of these tropes as long as there was some sign of colour to be had.

9. The Sacrifice of Misty

Misty bid farewell under the feeble justification that the lack of a longterm goal made her vulnerable to sacking.

Such a line uttered as if her own choice, being beyond them as writers to invent a purpose.

This implied her replacement would have an exciting quest aiming for excellence, something just beyond Misty's capabilities.

What did we get?

Dressing up and collecting Ribbons!

Is that...is that it? Is that the great idea? Is that all the girls are worth?

I lost Misty for THIS?!

Perhaps it makes no difference. By Hoenn they'd rendered her a leaden blandness sucked dry of all that made her special.

Going by the greasy-toothed bastardisation that swanned up in Alola, Misty was simply too wild for the safe, stifling atmosphere of today.

Her departure ensued she remains frozen as a funny, beloved presence, unlike those she left behind.

Now there was a lucky escape, as once the fanny-flapping starts, the bints have it on the brain.

May had Max to beat on the side, but Dawn developed monomania.

Hardly an episode went by without some reference to Contests, or how today's plot spurred her on to the next opportunity.

Yer need help, love!

Rather than Ash's new friend being a fascinating person who so happened to enter vanity projects, the competition defined them to the exclusion of life.

It is but moths drawn to the candle flame waiting to engulf them.

Contests are this world's version of Tom Riddle's diary: they promise sympathy and validation, but they eat your soul.

Like Tumblr.

10. Completely Unoriginal

Seems to me it wasn't so much Misty had no goal, it was more that Contests were the supposedly hot concept wedged into an existing property.

If earlier aspects failed to accommodate the invader, the onus certainly wasn't on the new kid to change. Oh no, stuff it in and chop off whatever gets in the way.

In the eyes of the post-Shudo regime, Misty was too volatile to last, and so had to go.

What idiots.

She's a tsundere. The softer, more feminine side is a defining component.

Would it really have been so problematic to retain her as an entrant? If Jessie can, why not?

Even if failing to fit, so what? Since when was established characterisation a barrier?

Isn't twisting likeable folk into unrecognisable pods the modus operandi of the writers?

That canon is immaterial, and must always give in to whatever fancy they currently have?

Well then, what's the big deal in infantilising Misty to promote it rather than pensioning her off?

Viewers will be more invested in the challenges awaiting a familiar face rather than a stranger.

What reduces the above to the risible is the original Misty and Jessie both participated in the Princess Festival.

All Contests are is that very scenario on repeat and robbed of all meaning.

Think about it:

• Beauty round

• Battle round

• Jessie loses

Same bloody thing.

Not only have I got to suffer this draining spectacle, it's got the nerve to possess not one iota of fresh ideas!

Contests are a low rent rip-off. The Princess Festival had a worthy reward in the shape of one-of-a-kind Dolls.

It'd already been revealed that ordinary Princess Dolls were ruinously expensive, therefore the special Pokémon edition have to be priceless.

What d'yer get for the trouble of a Contest but a bit of plastic tat taped to bargain basement frippery?

And they demand you get five of 'em!

Contests themselves were then resurrected as Showcases, although mercifully slimmed down to only three, with the emptiness ramped up in compensation.

Perhaps ironically, Princess Versus Princess is one of my favourite episodes. I love its critique of female avarice and accurate portrayal of clothing sales as reminiscent of the zombie apocalypse.

I don't mind the Festival as a single adventure, but I may have felt less favourable had it been a constant presence.

Except it isn't the competition at stake. This is a framework to explore Jessie and Misty as people.

Through its device we learn their history and therefore how they came to develop as the girls we know.

The setting serves as an opportunity for both to confront the misery and isolation of their childhoods, with the promise of overcoming that old torment with the balm of victory.

In the final, they aren't so much battling an opponent as fighting to be free of the past.

The tragedy is only one can be granted that reprieve. The other must remain unhappy in the ruins of memory.

It matters, unlike vapid Contests, where posturing is king. What depth can they provide in comparison?

Despite identical content, they are inverse counterparts, with the Festival presented as merely a light affair concealing a rather dark tale of neglect.

Contests however are paraded as this worthy nourishment for body and mind, a major point in one's journey towards enlightenment, when all they really amount to is an organ grinder and his monkey arsing about for the slack-gobbed plebs.

Bread and circuses.

Best of all, Misty won, not some side twat, as it should be.

Note how Jessie dressed: in delicate, vivid robes and golden decoration. The boys thought her beautiful.

Not as a gormless dweeb you'd cross the street to avoid!

And why the need to disguise herself anyway?

The Twerps had no issue with Jessie of Team Rocket joining the fun back then, so what happened?

At least she received the consolation of gaining Lickitung as a friend, with James and Meowth desperate to comfort her.

What do Contests bring? Sod all!

#pokémon #team rocket #contests #misty #jessie #kanto #princess versus princess

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melancholicstrain · 5 years ago

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Here for Good times; not for Longer times

Do not live the same day for the next 70 years and call it Life. Only a few moments in life have paved the road we're on. What we choose to do between those moments will ultimately shape our destiny. They are called moments for a very valid reason, they do not simply last long; try to savor the good ones. Life is not always measured by time; it is measured by moments. One of the best strategies in life is to forget the distant destination sometimes and enjoy the beauties of the moment. Savor the moments in life that make your heart glow. Chase after and find the moments that will take your breath away. In the end, it is only those milestones on life's journey that matter. We often think life is a series of choices, but I think it’s also a series of opportunities, a series of lessons, a series of moments all strung together that loops around into a lifetime—it’s a lifetime of moments. Every decision, every person that has entered my life, has shaped who I am today, it is the moments that we create at the end of the day that matters.

This pandemic right in front of us ultimately had me go – “What a time to be alive!”. The way we are dealing with this together will have stories for us to pass on to the generations to come. This also got me thinking about moments I never bothered to appreciate in life. A great hallmark of mental wellness is the ability to be in the present moment, fully and with no thoughts of being elsewhere. I remember a specific moment, watching my mother make the dishes, and her saying to me, 'You are going to have to learn to do this,' and me being in that space of awareness and knowing that my life would not be the same as my mother’s life. I have never spent this kind of wholesome time with my parents which after a couple of days of nagging I got used to. I felt the dynamics of my life changed. I started to appreciate the efforts my parents are putting into making this a happy house-hold which I have always clearly over-seen.

There's a sunrise and a sunset every single day, and they're absolutely free. How sweet the morning air is! Seeing how that one little cloud floats like a pink feather from some gigantic flamingo. It shines on a good many folk, but on none, I dare bet, who are on a stranger errand than you and I. How small we feel with our petty ambitions and strivings in the presence of the great elemental forces of Nature. I deeply regret for how I have taken the Nature for granted. If you want to be reminded of the love of the Lord, just watch the sunrise. Sunrise looks spectacular in the photos; sunrise looks spectacular in our dreams; sunrise looks spectacular in the paintings, because it really is spectacular.

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing. Cooking is like painting or writing a song. Just as there are only so many notes or colors, there are only so many flavors - it's how you combine them that sets you apart. Have moments that illustrates you what it takes for you to cook a great meal and have it served. I have realized instead of eating out, cooking at home can show such affection when served with love. There is a sense of completeness that you would experience after mammoth effort that you put into making some amazing dishes for the family, grab them.

I always think the most important thing is skill that we acquire along. I think now that we must possess or teach ourselves, train ourselves, in infinite patience, which is to try and to try and to try until it comes right. We must train himself in ruthless intolerance. Have moments that remind you of what an artist you are from inside. You could write flawless, sing meticulous, draw effortless, dance elegant and paint artistic, seize the opportunity to surprise yourself. Have moments where you get appreciated for your skill, grab them and make them go a long way so you could ride on.

We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, whilst all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets! It's time to put an end to this. It's time for us to let ourselves be loved. People may not tell you how they feel about you, but they always show you. Pay attention. Sometimes people have nothing to say because they're too empty and sometimes people have nothing to say because they're too full. Make moments with your loved ones. Tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them amidst the distance if they are topologically separated. Make moments by writing them something nice, telling them something nice and being for them virtually. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them. Show them you are there for them, unscathed.

The beauty of sunset has inspired people and their creations for centuries. A sunset is the sun’s fiery kiss to the night, make moments by being there. Observe the sun, love the way it spread it’s Yellowish-Orange over the Blue sky and moments before the dusk. Take a moment to appreciate mother nature for its tireless efforts to keep up us in the bay. Tell her she is a ray of sunshine, a warm summer rain, a bright fire on a cold winter’s day when sun slowly descends to slumber.

Let your life continuously unfold & evolve your thought process, awareness & perceptions so that you can enjoy deeper understanding of the universe, your true-self & your aspects of life. Let each moment serve you sufficiently & remind you of who you really are, your abilities & your divine purpose. Let everyday & every moment your life be a journey from unconsciousness to higher consciousness. Let you remain committed to aristocracy, goodness, kindness, to be a non-judgmental personality & to be the best version of yourself. Let prime objective of your life be to positive influence & affect the energy & feelings of your world in every moment. Let you be so much more than what you think you are & gain more & more opportunities to tune your body, mind & spirit to sustain your existence & remain fulfilled. Let your choice, resolve, deliberation & action bring forth the joy, peace, aliveness & success you so deeply long for.

I repeat, I’m here for Good Times; not Longer Times!!

#pandemic philosophy writing blogging moments life saying selfhelp motivation microblogging mentalhealth

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gofancyninjaworld · 5 years ago

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The World of Heroes. Part 2: What is a Hero, Anyway?

Part 1 here

I realise that one of the things we think everyone agrees on is what a hero is. We also tend to think we know what ‘hero’ means in One-Punch Man. But let’s walk this thinking back a bit.

A Chimera of a Beast

To start with, there are many definitions of hero. Originally, a hero was a man (or woman) who opposed great adversity with strength, courage and ingenuity. Critically, they did this for the sake of personal glory. If it helped anyone, that was nice, but it wasn’t the point. We have the one many are familiar with from the Bible (and from Maccabees, if you’re Catholic), where the idea of sacrificing oneself for the sake of others was held up as both a heroic and loving thing to do. The hero is an altruist. More modern readings (Middle Ages onwards), have conflated 'hero' with 'champion' (a defender of a cause or person) and have the hero doing these acts for the sake of others, sacrifice optional.

Tying these definitions together would be Philip Zimbardo (yes *that* Zimbardo), who sees heroism in terms of the willingness to act for what one perceives to be right. Crucially, he sees the choice to act when one might otherwise have stood by as the key definition of a hero: the opposite of heroism is not villainy, but indifference. The bystander, the person who could have acted but chose not to, is the one complicit in evil.

So which one is right for One-Punch Man?

All of them.

We get all these strands in OPM, in all their uneasy contradictions. It’s rare to find any hero who doesn’t have more than one of these ideas motivating them at the self-same time. The heroes whose strongest motivation is to act to show their power and gain recognition rub shoulders with those 'just doing what is right'. The strong desire to experience triumph butts heads with the satisfaction of knowing one has helped someone. Often, they're the same damn person.

Does it make sense to talk about acting with moral courage when one gets a paycheck at the end of the month? After all, we don't go lauding the police or doctors as heroes -- unless they do something that is truly over and above the call of duty. If we say that a hero is one who is not just willing to act to oppose evil, but do so to the point that they would put their lives on the line, what if they're so strong that this resolve is not tested? It’s no wonder that within the story, we have so many differing views on heroes from near-worship to regarding them as self-indulgent fools. And it’s no wonder that outside, fans find plenty to argue about which hero is better.

How do we unpick all this? So this isn’t too long, I’ll just pick on Saitama, not just because he’s strong, but also because he wrestles with many of these aspects within himself.

Even He Contains Multitudes

Philosophically, is Saitama a hero? I'm with Zimbardo on this one: a hero is the one who sees a clear moral line that once crossed, compels them to act.

The important part is choice. So heroism is not being a trauma surgeon saving a patient's life -- that's just her job. On the other hand, if a group of armed men burst into the theatre, hold a gun to the surgeon's head and demand that she stop operating right away to focus on saving their bandit chief, heroism would be keeping calm, persuading the men to quit menacing the surgical team and work out a way to save both original patient and bandit.

Even if the choice is far less drastic, the fact that a person has a) noticed the problem, b) decided that it is a problem and c) decided that it's one they should do something about is what makes a hero a hero. Heroes are busybodies. They're pests. They're the ones who harsh the vibe in the room by telling people about Steve -- you know Steve, the one who's a bit of a laugh (but you don't want to be alone with him when he's been drinking). They hound, they ferret, they badger, they wear out their friends in their pursuit of what they think is right. Until such a point as their efforts are noticed, many a hero is a pest who keeps harping on about the same old shit.

This willingness to personally step up despite the potential for embarrassment or worse is something that ONE refers to when he's thinking about heroes. As ONE puts it, when you see a child being abused, you want to step in and stop it. However, if the abuser is bigger than you, what do you do? Whether or not he has the means to change things, Saitama is one of those people who simply couldn't walk away when he saw a child in danger. Saitama is a hero. A hero might be about taking a stand, but a hero who can WIN, now that is a mighty one indeed.

Coming to Saitama specifically, he's an old style hero with more modern motivations. Sometimes. He really wants the joy of a hard-fought battle, for his own glory and self-satisfaction. This is a real and valid part of Saitama:

AND Saitama is also someone who will literally give the clothes off his back to get a child shivering with cold and humiliation safely home. Clothes he really needed himself at that time to not make a fool of himself at a competition.

AND Saitama is someone who consistently defends the very idea of heroes, even to the point of sacrificing what would have been a very easy ride, not just out of Class C, but all the way to Class S. He did so that the greater sacrifices other heroes had made to keep the crowd alive long enough for him to come save them would not be disparaged.

All of these are part and parcel of Saitama. With so many different motivations, it’s little wonder that Saitama struggles with what and why he decided to become a hero in the first place.

He Who Raises Himself Up Is Watched

The ancient world has one crucial aspect right about heroes: they are watched. Because they take a stand, heroes stand out. And thus, they are noticed, whether with disdain or admiration. Better make sure the figure you cast is worth watching.

Whatever Saitama’s still-evolving thoughts on why he became a hero and what heroism means to him, by his actions, his heroism has had some profound impacts on others. Which is worth examining as different characters draw very different things from Saitama.

Suiryu would say that Saitama's heroism lies in his power to restore hope to people. No matter how black things are, don't give up; someone might yet save you. From chapter 74, page 34.

"Only now do I understand... that when people find themselves in darkness, they seek light. And it doesn't matter how faint or small it is, as long as it's there." (emphasis in text)

There is an important psychological truth to this -- in disasters, the ability to hang onto hope influences one's ability to survive. Knowing that help is coming or might yet be coming can have a huge impact on people's willingness to do more for themselves and so survive. A hero is the one who gives you reason to avoid despair.

To Genos, Saitama's heroism is something different: he is the symbol of strength, the strength to end evil. From chapter 84, page 131.

"Master Saitama's battles are showing me the way forward. The symbol of strength. That is the goal towards which I should strive.. That is where I’m headed." (emphasis in text).

A hero is the one who has the power to end an oppressive situation. Justice may be the heart of a hero, but justice without power is empty. Without that power, courage, good intentions, a strong sense of right and wrong, fighting technique, intelligence, self-sacrifice, all of them are for nothing -- the situation doesn't change. Those on whose behalf you act are betrayed.

Glasses sees Saitama's heroism in yet another way -- it's the courage to follow your own path, despite what others might say. From chapter 20.6, pages 26- 27.

Glasses: "Normal people have limits! Talented people are fundamentally different from us!"

Saitama: "Who said so?"... "Who decides limits? And based on what?"

And from then on, Glasses quit the Blizzard Group and started running. Why? A hero sticks out -- standing up for something when you might otherwise have walked by means going your own way and not being constrained by what others might think of you. That is the aspect that Glasses wants. As he says much later in volume 16's bonus chapter,

"Knowledge, experience, decision making... I am lacking in all of those things. The only thing that has changed for me is determination. I have decided not to be bound by my limits." (emphasis mine)

Whose version is right? Which one would Saitama agree most with? Who knows? It depends on which day of the week you ask Saitama! And in a way, it doesn't really matter. What matters is first, that Saitama is taking a stand against the evil that monsters wreak on society: he did it before he was strong and he's not stopped doing it now that he's overwhelmingly powerful. Second, what matters is that Saitama inspires others. He might not be getting the parade he hoped for, but he's sensitive to the fact that a hero is as much a symbol as an action. We sing songs of praise to heroes because they inspire us to do better in our daily lives, they challenge us not to ignore what we might by our action end.

From the start, the point has been made that there is too much evil in this world for any one hero, no matter how powerful, to stop. The argument has been made that in a sense, heroes act out of self-satisfaction. Nevertheless, heroes matter. Someone has to stand up for what's right.

But man, heroes can't win. If they work for extrinsic reward, like recognition and money (ha!) they're shallow and hypocritical. If work for intrinsic motivation, like justice, they're deluded. If they find intrinsic reward in helping, they're self-indulgent.

Part 3, I plan to look at the world of pro-heroes.

#OPM #meta #heroes #long #Saitama #a model hero #and yet not a simple one #there's no one way to do heroism #save not to overlook the intolerable

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