#a character study

[silverechosandblankmasks]

The only bad thing about Gem and Joel's team up is, well, they actually have the means and the skill and the luck to do it.

But, you know, if a team makes it to the end, there can only be one.

And we've seen that except... they aren't the type to give the win to the other, they worked too hard, too proud of their skills, and it would feel like a disservice to the other to try and hand it off.

They aren't the type to sling bloody punches at each other in a cactus ring, begging for apologies and singing their sorrows.

They aren't the type to promise an honored deal with crossed fingers only to turn and twist and laugh maniacally as they betray due to the desperation of time ticking inevitably away

They aren't the type to twist bitterly and finally end up together, one reaching only finally so they aren't alone for the other to throw it away in what they think is what is wanted

They aren't the type to dance around and ignore hearing that the other doesn't want the win, ignoring it because they don't want to be alone only for the other to die silently without realizing and left wondering

No

Either of them could win. Statistically Joel has beaten Gem more than she has him, but that doesn't mean she can't win, Joel gets flustered easy. Joel tends to get more reckless and take the long shot that pays off, but Gem tends to flounder if caught off guard.

I think, if they are at the end there will be no promises or honor duels or gifted or taken wins, I think they'll just lunge. Not like a desperate wolf bites, but as an acknowledgement to who they are as people, bloodthirsty and fun and wanting to win. Maybe they will, at best, mention fight club and maybe negotiate the same rules, leather or no armor with wooden swords, but this is not an honor battle of forced apart partners nor is it a grief stricken apology to make the game end.

And I think one of them will die laughing as they go. Maybe disappointed but proud because they almost got the other and they did it together

If you are going to interact, please Reblog instead of Like. Likes do nothing! I appreciate it <3

[devilmokujin]

i think that literally all this person is missing out on is connecting the story to The Character like what is fascinating is THE CHARACTER

[samgirlie-gn]

No/Low-Empathy Sam - A Character Study

I don't know if I consider this a real headcanon - it's more theoretical, really. I'm personally low-empathy and wrote this to project/cope.

(1.3k words)

Sam knew from a young age that he was different, even if he didn’t understand how or why. Even as a young child he didn’t cry at sad moments in Disney movies – when Mufasa died and Dean was trying his hardest to hide his tears and save face, Sam wasn’t feeling much of anything. When a classmate cried, he didn’t feel pangs of sympathy – he just froze up, not sure what to say or do. What does one say to someone who lost a loved one? Is he supposed to care about some kid’s parents’ divorce? He once got angry and pushed another kid, and when the boy skinned his knee and cried he just felt… nothing. He felt something when a teacher came over to check on the boy: fear of being sent to the Principal’s office. Fear of consequences – reason enough to not do it again.

When his father came home in bad shape, mourning a difficult hunt and lives lost, Dean always seemed to know what to say and do. Luckily, less was expected from Sam as the younger son, but when Dean wasn’t around to help he tended to avoid their father. He didn’t know how to help carry the weight of the man’s burdens. He could never quite relate to the drive that pushed him to avenge his wife’s death – Sam felt nothing towards his mother. He never knew her, was too young to have memories of her, so why would he mourn? How could he really relate to his father’s feelings?

When Dean was hurt, Sam felt worry about him until he could confirm his brother would survive. He made sure that the injury wasn’t severe as he patched Dean up with young hands that shouldn’t be so accustomed to the task. Sam knew he loved his brother, more than he knew anything, but even Dean’s sorrow on the anniversary of their mother’s death wasn’t enough to make Sam cry. Dean saw nothing wrong; as far as he was concerned, Sam was perfect. He saw the best in him with something approximating an unconditional mother’s love.

But Sam feared himself. Feared that he wasn’t normal, that he was evil, that one day he would do something impulsive and destructive and feel no grief for it. To teachers, he was a “good kid” – a little quiet, but conscientious and well-mannered. But no matter how much praise a teacher heaped on, he couldn’t brush off the feeling that something was very wrong with him.

He’d learned a sense of right and wrong from Dad's teachings and Dean’s example; Dean, despite his macho façade, had greater feelings of empathy than Sam did. If Sam was gifted with one thing it was a fundamental desire to be good, to be the hero and not the villain. That desire kept him within the constraints of a carefully constructed morality. He flagellated himself with his own shame until his outside behavior hardly matched his inside.

As he aged, he learned. He watched the way people addressed others’ feelings, in movies and in real life. He learned how to express sympathy, how to lay on the pathos until those around him viewed him as perfectly kind and empathetic. And he felt like an imposter, a liar, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. His ability to act only made him more conscious of what was missing on a deeper level, that implicit care and empathy people seemed to have for others. If someone’s crisis was similar to something he’d experienced in the past, he could call upon his own memories: what would have made him feel better when it happened to him? But it was still an intellectual exercise more than anything else.

Jess was the first and only person he broke down and told.

“I don’t… feel things, for other people. I mean I’m capable of love, I think—no, I know I am. But when other people are upset I’m just… not. I don’t know how to deal with other people’s feelings. Sometimes I just feel… empty. I think something’s wrong with me. I can’t fix it, I can’t make myself feel what I’m supposed to feel and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I’m scared that I’m evil, deep down. It's like something in me is missing.”

Jess was encouraging.

“Sam, you’re one of the kindest people I know. You’re so sweet to me when I’m upset, whether you ‘get it’ or not. Isn’t that what matters? How you treat people? Even if you’re a little different, you’re a good guy, Sam. I promise.”

It really didn’t make him feel any better.

When Jess died, Sam began to understand much better how that kind of loss felt for other people. Or rather, he knew how it felt for him and then could extrapolate it to victims’ families. His ability to “fake it” made him a better hunter; Dean even began to view him as the one who was better at handling grieving people, often letting him take the lead in that department. But with every bit of false care and sentiment he directed at others, Sam felt a sour taste in his mouth. He wished more than anything that any of it was real.

When he found out about the demon blood that tainted him as a child, Sam began to suspect that he’d finally found the reason why he was the way he was. There was just a bit of Demon inside of him, just a bit of unfeeling and cold calculation. He couldn’t confirm this really, but it seemed unlikely that it wasn’t related. He wondered what kind of person he would have been had Azazel not interfered. Maybe he wouldn’t have spent his entire life feeling like something was deeply wrong with him.

Sam never knew for sure why he was so good at fighting the pull towards evil, better than Ava and the other Special Children. But if he had to guess, he’d suspect that fighting his nature for his entire childhood gave him a lot of skill and practice for denying his darker impulses. That bit of coldness inside of him was fully overcome by the ever-present need to feel just a little less evil, just a little less broken. And he had Dean’s example to follow – a man who didn’t always do right, but always tried.

When Sam regained his soul and had to contend with memories of being soul-less, he was most disturbed by the similarities between himself and that self. Of course, with his soul he helped people, made choices out of an intellectual construction of morality. Being soul-less took away the love he had, for Dean and close loved ones, but when dealing with strangers things weren’t so different. He didn’t lose empathy – he just lost the desire to fake having it, unless he absolutely had to for a case. He got a little worse at pretending, as he found "better" things to put his time and energy toward.

Fundamentally, Sam developed a Complex – he believed more than anything that if he ever forgave himself, if he ever felt positive feelings towards himself, he might lose the shame that drove him to be good. Without his constant self-flagellation he might become not so different from his soul-less self. And that was something he could never, ever risk. This was his burden, a weight he could never put down. Eventually, in a twisted sort of way he accepted it. This was him whether he liked it or not. All he could do was pretend to be something else, and maybe Jess was right – by doing that he was showing some backwards, convoluted version of Goodness.

[girl4music]

DIANE: “Wait. You were dressed…”

TRAVIS: “As Frank-N-Furter from ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’”

DIANE:

*laughing*

“And you, you half-nelsoned him?”

TRAVIS: “Yeah, I mean, it wasn’t a big deal. I wrestled in high school, and that guy… I mean, men who beat women are just cowards. But, you know, it gave me a taste for the hero thing, I guess, and I never looked back.”

DIANE: “You did it again.”

TRAVIS: “Did what?”

DIANE: “You dismissed your own bravery. You are a straight-up hero in that story, Travis. How many people do you think would shoulder their way through a door instead of just calling the police? In drag, no less.”

TRAVIS: “She could have died if I waited for the police.”

DIANE: “Yeah, your friend didn’t go in.”

TRAVIS: “Damn it Janet? He didn’t wanna mess up his makeup.”

DIANE: “Travis, why is it so hard for you to acknowledge who you are? Who gave you so much shame to carry?”

TRAVIS: “I’m not ashamed.”

DIANE: “Right. You’re not ashamed. You’re just not all that brave. And then when you are brave, it’s not that you were brave, it’s that everyone else is a coward. Do you know how many men would like to try drag but can’t let themselves?”

TRAVIS: “It wasn’t drag. It was ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’”

DIANE: “Do you know how few gay firefighters, gay cops, gay soldiers will ever come out of the closet? Do you know how few human beings will tackle men who are beating their wives? You are brave. You are fierce. And your pet rabbit is just a guy figuring things out. He’s not on your level. Doesn’t make him a monster. Doesn’t make him a coward. It makes you extraordinary.”

That’s exactly it. Travis does not own his bravery so he makes everyone else and everything else that isn’t at his level the coward. Well put, Diane. I wondered why he was going so hard on the new guy. The “Probie” as he kept calling him. I thought to myself “He can’t hate Dixon that bad that he also hates his son”, what gives?

I get it now Diane has put words to his complex.

He cannot own up to who he is not because he can’t be who he is. He has no problem there when every other gay man within a block’s distance from him can’t. It’s because he can’t own up to his own bravery. He feels shame that he is able to be braver than most.

It’s so awful that it took psychoanalysis to bring it out.

That others aren’t the cowardly weak villains.

It’s that he is the brave strong hero.

And he cannot own that.

God that’s awful.

[lkhafel]

The perfect daughter

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[sukinapan]

[absolutechaosss]

Favorite bit of adventurers bible lore is that Marcille was a researcher developing new healing magic before she joined the party but then learned all the offensive spells we see her use in a single day. Insane behavior. Imagine knowing the top med student in the country and one day she drops out of her cancer research program and perfects the art of making pipe bombs in 24 hours.

[lightsaroundyourvanity]

this is not a drag on fanfiction but if you find yourself consistently saying “wow fic is better than most published stuff!! and it’s free!!” it might be a sign that your brain is ready for and craving more complicated literature than the books you are used to gravitating towards

[crowberri]

Swooned & Knighted

[frenchublog]

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Holy WOW.

Like, you think you know how badly Kris's life sucks. Divorced parents, brother off to college, no friends, some strange higher power hijacking their body and going off on adventures without them... but hey, at least they're able to take some control back from us sometimes! At least they can go off and eat all the pie in peace! At least they can open a dark fountain in their home so they can spend more time with their cool friend Susie! Yay! I'm sure they're just leaving the door open for the cops to get in so they can save the day!

And then. AND THEN. Chapter 4... happens. And everything we thought we knew about Kris crumbles to dust before our very eyes.

Those snatched moments from the player? They weren't the triumphant grasp at freedom we thought, but another, yet more insidious layer of control that has been exerted upon them. Because for the end of Chapter 3 to have happened, a few things had to be prepared - the TV had to be plugged in, Susie had to come over, the tires had to be slashed so the police would be called, and the door had to be left open so that the Knight could gain entry - not the police, but The Roaring Knight. The Enemy.

And make no mistake - they didn't want to do ANY of it. Drinking in the Holidays' kitchen... the way their head turns whenever Susie or Noelle mentions them... Carol's ice-cold hand on their shoulder ("in the shadow of the Knight's hand")... do any of these things indicate Kris as a willing co-conspirator? Or rather, a child who has fallen into the clutches of a very manipulative - and very real - authority figure, who is being groomed and coerced into performing dangerous acts that threaten the lives of not just their friends, but their family, their town, and quite possibly the whole world?

We knew that Kris Dreemurr's life sucked before this. But we could never have anticipated just how badly it sucked, just how little control and agency they truly have, in any aspect of their life. This situation has been going on for MUCH longer than we've been around - you can tell that much from the birdcage. Their situation is so utterly, catastrophically FUCKED that death seems the most preferable outcome for them.

Remember Susie noting how Kris responds to Queen's offer to "Perish" with enthusiasm?

Remember the way they crumple onto the floor when Spamton NEO is about to kill them and take their SOUL, not even attempting to fight back?

Remember them whispering in Susie's ear in "the_newest_girl_girl"?

...yeah. It's THAT bad.

And you have to wonder... if we were never shunted into Kris's body... if we didn't literally FORCE Kris to move, to go to the dark world, to Fight and Spare enemies - to FORCE them to play at being a hero, in spite of their situation... What would have happened?

Would Kris even be alive now, if not for us?

[kodasea]

Cape Falmouth’s “Weeping Salmon"

[kohiandie]

jack expressions for today -- mr eyebags

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[blanchebees]

Godwin The Cursed

Host of the eldritch god

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