#v; one half of a whole
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i am packing to go on an out of town final interview! for a tiny city entirely run by women! where everything i could ever need is on one street or the other! and my dog would have a yard! i am gonna be CALM!
#i only know...2 people there but they are good ones :)#and it's half my current distance from my fam#i really need something to work out for me that is NOT HERE#cannot overstate that i don't care what my job is#bc i am v good at and v interested in many things#i just need a quiet and peaceful and easy reset#smth about my preemie life as a whole + natural disasters#+ car crash + nonsense w dumbass men#has pushed my v real ptsd to a point where#i would 100% go live in the woods if i could do that#but it is not safe or practical for me specifically lmao#so this is as close as i'm gonna get!!!!!#tbd tbd tbd
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can't believe this hasn't been said before but unhinged!scarlett and unhinged!dave would be an iconic duo. shame pi didn't get a second season bc these two in an alliance would basically succeed in destroying the island, they'd wipe everyone out
the fact that they're both versions of the nerd character so they're already smart in their own ways, the fact that they have absolutely zero fucks to give anymore, their individual darker sides have come out (whether it was hidden consciously (scarlett) or unconsciously (dave)), and they've each attempted to kill/seriously injure one or more contestant(s) (and mess up the island in the process) just to reach their end goal. imagine if these two found a common goal somehow, literally nothing could get in their paths (except possibly each other)
#these two in an alliance that ends with one or both of them turning on the other would be wild#tbh i know ppl talk abt wishing roti getting a second season but the potential in a second season for pi?? there is so much!!#literally half the dynamics have changed and so have personalities for most of the characters in pi#max and scarlett's dynamic change and their shifts in characters#topher could easily shift from chris lover to chris hater. two extremes!!#he just wants to get chris fired or in pain or smth lmao#dave becoming more competitive and less romantic he turns more heartless (and a bit more reserved and unpredictable)#his heart is there its just v shrouded. and repressed memories dave of the finale!!#he knows smth big happened but the memories of exact details are fuzzy (when that mental curtain is ripped away its gonna be chaos)#amy and sammy's change in dynamics. sammy standing up for herself!!#i wanna say sky would join a second season to get a chance at the money (im a shawn winner truther)#but idk if after all that she'll want to lmao#but skave dynamic total shift if sky comes back!!!#dave doing anything to get her eliminated sky slowly starting to retaliate#it'd be interesting to explore ella and sugar's characters if they've changed or not#evil scarlett who doesnt hide it!!#jashawn ain’t gonna join i think lmao they deserve a nice break plus they split the million so#rodney who is still a romantic but starts to understand the truth of boundaries and the rose colored glasses start to break#(he gets a sexuality revelation when he crushes on one of the guys)#just imagine how wack things would have gone with a second season#the different interactions and alliances and friendships and enemies#and the interactions/dynamics in the first season def would have changed in a second one#this is making me remember the whole layout for a second pi season younger me wrote with new and old contestants#anyway! second season pi was so deserved it would have been wack#noahtally-famous#total drama#td dave#td scarlett#tdpi
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Okay I’m thriving on all the Marie/Jordan posting, it is absolutely deserved, they’re amazing together, but I wish there was a little more love for Emma/Sam too because “I don’t remember you, but I do believe you” fucking broke me.
Imagine you’ve spent years questioning reality, surrounded by people who constantly remind you that you can’t believe your own eyes. You finally meet someone outside of that group and you’re convinced she’s a hallucination, except she passes your test, and she’s sweet, and she laughs at your jokes even though you have a really off-beat sense of humor, and she matches it, and you love her like you’ve never loved anyone. And she promises to stay with you after everyone else you’ve ever loved has abandoned you, whether intentionally or not. And then you start to freak out and you know your scaring her, because she’s seen you rip people apart with your bare hands, but she’s not running. She’s not even trying to make you calm down or be rational or stop. Instead she asks “How can I help you?” She wants to help you. And you run. And she saves you. She stops you from doing something you’ll regret. She’s the first one who’s done that without violating your mind.
And then she loses all her memories of you. She looks at you without an ounce of recognition, and you think you’ve lost her, even if you swear to get her her memories back. And you’re alone again, and you’re hallucinating. You’re hallucinating her. You can’t trust reality. You can’t trust yourself. You can’t believe what you see or hear or touch. Then she comes back again, but this time she’s real and you ask if she remembers you and she says no. “I don’t remember you, but I do believe you.”
I can’t even, okay, I’m losing my mind over here.
#gen v#sam riordan#emma myers#gen v spoilers#I could do a whole post from Emma’s side too#the way they both effortlessly validated and comforted each other#the way she broke her promise to her mom and got big for the first time in years just to save him#the way he only got the courage to leave because of her#the way they talk to each other and care for each other and naturally click#the way she went to find him based on a t-shirt and a half-remembered conversation even when she had no idea who he was#I can’t okay I just can’t#I’ve seen people talk about the ‘i don’t remember you but I do believe you line’#but no one has brought up ‘how can I help you’#which hit me SO hard ngl#anyway#I’m normal I’m normal about them (lying)
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I actually don’t think I’m strong enough to make it through the rest of brokeback mountain this shit is devastating
#it’s so EARNEST and raw and like filmed so beautifully and so full of feeling I can’t got to the end#bc I have seen the back half of this movie once w my dad bc it was playing on tv and so I’ve seen like from when Anne Hathaway arrives on#but god I don’t think I’m strong enough wtf do you mean Ennis is happily playing in the snow with his wife#I’m abt to be Jack Teist in a way that is gayer and more accurate than everyone else bc I was just in Wyoming for the last year#and the whole time I thought this was set in Montana like then they were like throwing out town names like I KNOW THAT SPOT#and the Basque shepherds part is so accurate bc they r still a big part of the sheep/ wool industry culture n v cool ppl#one of the only decent things I wrote for that job was about the sheepherders festival god I should’ve gotten one of those shirts ugh#need 2 go to that museum to see the cowboy poetry before I move all my shit again#mine#brokeback mountain#movies
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*shaking and crying* where is Urizen
#“monsterfucker website” they cant even handle the 20ft tall grotesque demonic half of a cambion#lowkey blame VoV for that. like I love that manga to death but god did the last chapter did not help the whole-#“V is his own person/is *the other half* of vergil (and not like. one half)” interpretation. bc then wtf was urizen for.#and tbh the game itself doesnt make it easy bc *obviously* we spend more time with V than with urizen. and then there's vergil's World of V.#and I guess its obvious both game and fans would focus more on the pretty goth bait and The Literal Best Character On All Time-#rather than mr. 1 dimentional boss fight demon but FUCK MAN now im pissed off that he is treated as unimportant-#and/or straight up forgotten that he even existed. like fuck he IS vergil's power. gone wild and without goal but he IS part of vergil#just like V is. and if V couldve “gotten his own character” during the time he was separated then why the fuck couldnt urizen?#<- sidenote I do not like the whole “V is/got his own character” thing. like no thats still vergil to me.#and yeah the last chapter of VoV fuck that up for me but im mainly of the opinion that-#if vergil exists. neither V nor urizen can. and vice-versa.#which imo SHOULD be the logical way but I guess nobody but me like urizen for what he is or represent. so its all about vergil and V#(who is STILL. FUCKING. VERGIL. TO ME. HNHNHNGNHN)#anyway whatever.#justice for urizen#tagging later
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wdym christmas is next week?????
#wasnt yesterday just november??? hello????????#im still writing ‘nov’ in my dates by mistake lmao wdym we’ll be in a new year 2 weeks from now#but aaaaa… christmas huh~~~~~~ it’s that time of year when i have to come up with excuses to skip the family gathering again#i havent gone since. like. 2019(?) and i like to keep it that way#b u t~ if i can skip the gathering i’ll finally get back to idol sengen~~~~ maybe~~~~~~~#vol 5 has been out since f o r e v e r i really ought to get at least the asuna pov chapters done before the year ends (pipe dream)#wait no i’ll get the asuna povs done before next cny. yeah. that’ll give me an extra month!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but hmmmmmmmmmm… once im done with vol 5 (in a million years) i gotta polish up my mona novel tl too… man.#maybe i’ll make a mona tl masterpost after all that~~~~ minus the honeypre event tls bc that’s a whole other ‘verse lol#but i really wanna do mona’s honeypre main story too… it gives context as to how she landed the event gig (that led to her getting scouted)#…should my ny’s resolution to be to finish all possible mona tls that have yet to be done maybe…?#…nah im just gonna make it ‘learn to ride a bike’ for the 15th year in a row. giggity#a n y w a y s merry early christmas from my workplace ig? the ‘mas luncheon from a couple days back sure gifted every other person something#that they didnt ask for (read: food poisoning). the fact that it took out over half my department still gets me thoughhhhhhh#(i wasnt affected though~~~~ ((didnt eat anything)) i did lose my 1h break for the day though… what a waste.)#ok that’s enough of being annoying for one day~~~~ see y’all tomorrow (maybe) if hw decides to drop an announcement or sth#which would prolly be either their comi.ket lineup or chizuchan manga vol 2’s cover but hey—)
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augh 1800s legalise
#v v interesting once i parse it tho#my 1840s grandmother owned 2 houses a warehouse a rigger and lots of mahogany furniture#specifically including a bespoke table made by Mr Young whoever that is#aaaaand!!! the more expensive house was given to her daughter 'for her own absolute use' and to never incur the debts of her husband!!#!!!!!!#her son (my uncle how many times) got the cheaper house and £60 to make up for it. and a bible and his dad's watch and a mirror and#blah blah blah#ann got one house and contents half the warehouse all her mum's clothes and the furniture 'left behind at norwood'#and a specific chest of drawers#and there was a 'dear nephew' got the rigger/boat and a servant (i think) that got ten whole pound sterling 'for her attention to me'
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Started Killing Eve last Monday, finished it at 3:00am last night, devastated. changed forever. will never be the same.
#that might have been the best piece of media I’ve ever seen#utterly consumed my life and obliterated me it was phenomenal#I’d watch 100 more hours of them#finale spoiler*** they deserved so much more time together#they got half an episode to be happy after four seasons of build up you’re joking#and now Eve is so lost#V became her whole life#she destroyed everything else in her life and has no one else to turn to#and they killed all the members of the 12 (minus Carolyn who V should have killed when she had the chance w how she backstabbed her)#so the mission that comsumed her life is over#and the love of her life is gone#what gets me the most is that she didn’t even get to hold her#Eve kept reaching for V in the water and she couldn’t even touch her or hold her for closure#she just had to watch her fall#and either drown herself trying to grab V or choose life and resurface#it was so devastating#they literally got 30 seconds to be happy#killing Eve#killing eve season 4#killing Eve finale
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#someone needs to sedate me#yk when only a few lines make you think of a character and it makes you affiliate the entire song with them#Admin's Tag#i havent listened to Penelope Scott in a while but I checked her latest stuff and this did something to my brain#it's about the vibes#it's about the implications#it's about the vulgarity v themes#it's- for the love of god im not the only one who sees the visions right?#queueing this so I forget i ever said this until Im Haunted Again#FOR THE RECORD. this is abt Yuusaku in my head. Maybe Ogata too idk#I know its so hashtag girl but are these men not hashtag girl already#as a transmasc and previous catholic school attendee the motif is sort of half of my whole brand. in terms of purity symbolism#apologies to everyone with reading comprehension. i heard the words Tight Virgin and immediately thought of him#anyway the screenshotted lyrics kind of sold it for me#what are you if not the cleanest and also bloodiest figure in your entire army if you're the ideological symbol#he's pure he's holy he's celibate he's untouched he's so so so catholic schoolgirl core#but then! he's also the bearer and conduit of a symbol of nationalistic imperial pride.#meaning the blood on his hands may be more metaphorical than others' but the stain is deep and dark and haunting.#like the impression he made on Ogatas mind as an individual!#he is guiltless and the most guilty. yk like he's just the messenger but he loves even the calligraphy of the message's death bells#DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! I LOVE THIS STUPID LITTLE MF#Spotify
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/slides over crumpled $10 bill
what were your original, meaner plans for r/s in oao? (if it's spoilery, you can respond to this after you publish the whole thing, i'm just soooo curious)
there are some points that i cannot divulge bc they are still spoilery but the tldr version is: sirius fucked benjy 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
#oao#benjy. my fav plot device <3#this was what i envisioned as i was drafting up chap1#however as soon as i started writing it v quickly became obvious that this s would never do that#especially w that wet noodle of a man........#but one day i will definitely write something in that vein. i heart high intensity angst#mutual self destruction etc xxxxx love that makes u sick n twisted#but not here! oao r/s are rlly just fluffy idiots. at their core#also thanj uuuuu for the $10 i can buy a whole cucumber w this <3 maybe even half a capsicum#(cucumbers are $8 atm. woe. how is a girl supposed 2 fund her cucumber salad addiction in these conditions)#but YES i will revisit this once the fic is all done !! tell u all my evil plans <3
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I’m more than halfway through 2009’s Ganbarimasu, which means I watched Kamen Rider G
I think I’m going to enjoy Kamen Rider…it looks sick as hell, so getting hyped up for Ryuki
Here’s a compilation of Takuya’s reactions and commentary during it cuz he was v entertaining:
He was a little bitter but completely justified to be tbh…
his challenge was to run 50 hills in a day
+ a ton of footage was cut/condensed because of timing
++ insulted by his director
#smap#smap ganbarimasu#ganbarimasu 2009#im v incapable of watching the whole thing in one sitting#… 2 and a half hours of chaos#i just love how takuya keeps talking to the camera directly and calling out the staff/cameramen#he’s actually so hysterical
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man h*rmes really just. did not have the tools to help m*teion properly process all that despair. and how could he! no one else had them (the flowers were always white!). but he cared about her. and he wanted her to go out and learn how to deal with despair and more (in the course of your long journey you will learn from those you meet. learn to walk and run and so much more). and it’s just so sad to me. if he knew how to handle his own despair, if he knew that everyone had to find their own reason for living, he wouldn’t have needed to send her out in the first place.
#sorry about the asterisks but once i made a half joking post about v*nat and a few days later someone was talking about it in the tags like#i was serious. and if that happens to me again i’ll implode so#anyway i think about this alllll the time 😭 like how could he help her!! he didn’t know! and no one else gets it!#after ktisis they just wear him down saying over and over ‘you can just remake those creatures that died’ as if that were the point#until he just conformed to what everyone else did#the first time he ever saw the flowers change color for someone else was meeting the wol 😭#anyway this is why i’m firm in my belief that if the ancients knew about m*teion and found a way to reach her they would not have treated#her the way we do. they were already being unkind to her before any of this happened bc they don’t see her as a real person#btw speaking of not seeing someone as a real person you know who didn’t see cori as real—#[i am forcibly yanked offstage]#i need a text post tag#while i was trying to remember an exact quote i saw someone call him a hypocrite which is a whole other post i’ll leave it at this for now
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Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute
#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys#i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will-#like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!!#i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my#head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!!#also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it#may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc)#anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it#dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭#also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify.#i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt#equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there#like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he#doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be#like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in#ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things)#like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get#herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you#like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his#actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior#idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there.#like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be#i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other.#which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around#blah#sui sq
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Here we see the humanoid form of Malheirirra the Master, an ancient black dragoness that created and lead the lauth ( the dragon equivalent of a monastery, albeit still slightly to the left ) that trained Yzare into what she is. The lauth itself only consisted of herself, a fang dragon by the name of Gholix, and eventually Yzare. Malheirirra was Yzare's mentor, her 'mother,' and her first victim -- followed shortly by Gholix.
While a particularly cruel individual, the fact that she's Yzare's first real guiding hand is why she's chosen to be Yzare's dream guardian. The fact that the dragoness is very, very dead is a fact that escapes memory until well after the Emperor reveals himself.
#live each day as if it were your last because I'm going to kill you but I'm not super good with schedules // Yzare headcanon.#I was half tempted to make her a muse tbh but I just#I can't be fucking bothered#so the tl;dr of her is that she found Yzare as a wyrmling and opts to mentor / raise her rather than devour her#but also like. she's the poster child of the whole 'black dragons are the most cruel of chromatic dragons'#so like..... if anything she was really just setting Yzare up for Bhaal#which as an aside I'm sort of tweaking Yzare's history a touch#in that she was actually loyal to Bhaal once upon a time#even despite having a v real ambitious streak that sort of started earning her a v real following among his cultists#but feeling abandoned and discarded after Orin attacked her snapped any feelings of love or loyalty#bc to be fair she was basically a wild animal during her ''''''recovery'''''' period#and a hand that beats and demands but does not feed is one that gets swiftly and violently bitten off#and sometimes. SOMETIMES. when you raise someone to be a sacrificial lamb they wise up before the altar comes into sight
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hi, it's me. the fic writer that uses culturally-specific idioms in a very different cultural time setting and keeps confusing words like reign and rein. this is my story.
#kkglinka if you see this i salute your willpower for still being supportive even tho i KNOWWW it must get on your nerves LMFAO#the idioms thing tho i am conscious of it probably half the time but i'm like whatever cuz 1. it's fanfic & 2. prose & character voice >>>>#also if the characters are not speaking english but im writing in english then everything's a translation anyway#so that'd mean translating/localising expressions into ones the intended audience will understand#i toe the line a looooot when it comes to this in my novel wip as well cuz for all intents and purposes the charas SHOULD be speaking malay#but since im writing in english i do have to localise a lot of things do you get me#thinking about that book that went “i have to worldbuild my own culture”. i cant remember the book tho#whoops im going on a tangent#anyway#the whole mixing up words thing though i have no excuse for its just bcs i AM an idiot who doesnt proofread and im too lazy to find a beta#which is also why i have a bunch of typos in all my fics WHOOPS#this is Not a vaguepost btw! this is just me rambling and thinking thoughts in my own space like writing in my diary with glitter pen etc#also i Dont think they were even talking abt my fics in particular cuz i know it's v common among lots of fics (+idk if they read my stuff)#BUT i know i am very very guilty of doing this so. LOL#anywayssss!!!!#shut up haydar#on writing.log
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years#and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block#just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble
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