#v: like the cycle of the year; we begin again

[puck-luck]

all roads | mattias samuelsson

warnings: use of Y/N, miserable situationship, terrible cycles being repeated, more angst and thought daughter than smut and thot daughter (my b), spit, unprotected p in v, gaslighting, slight choking, fingering, oral fem!receiving, hickeys, mentions of drunk mattias, heavy on the EVIL mattias on this one… your honor i need him pairing: mattias samuelsson x fem!reader summary: fem!reader finds herself going through the motions of a confusing situationship with mattias, eventually attempting to break free of the cycle. wc: 4861

title and content based off this song

Can I come over? the text reads.

You stare at the message, thinking about the possibilities for a moment. You toy with it for a second like a proud cat who finally caught her nemesis of a mouse, letting it go just to step on its tail and capture it again. The possibility that you’re playing with is, of course, that you’ll tell Mattias ‘No.’

As much as saying no would bring you power, it’ll never work. Mattias will come over anyway. He’s probably already on the way, knowing that you’ll say yes because you always say yes to him. You always say yes and you always regret it the morning after.

You say yes. Mattias comes over. He pretends to watch the show that you’d thrown on while eating dinner, then he makes his move and you fuck. He comes, you come, he leaves. You have to change your sheets at 2am because they’re covered in sweat, cum, and spit. You forgot to lay down a towel, which is what you promised yourself you would do last time. It’s 3am by the time you go to bed and Mattias, once again, forgot to text you that he got home safe.

The cycle repeats.

Your friends have been here since the beginning of this relationship– relationship, as if you can even call it that…– and they’re getting tired of it. You can’t count the times they’ve said, “Y/N, he’s not good for you” or “Y/N, you deserve better than him.” From them, the sentiment comes so often that the truth of it has worn off. You’ve taken to responding with a groaned “I know” or an unsubstantiated “he’s been better lately!” or even a vague lie about how Mattias told you that he wants this to be more.

You’ve been able to believe your own lies, caught up in the whirlwind of emotions, until you couldn’t anymore. Just last week, after Mattias came to visit you over your fall break from grad school and you hooked up in the backseat of his car after dinner with your parents, your mom spoke up. 

“It really seems like you like him, Y/N,” she said while drying the last of the dishes. 

You were sat at the kitchen counter, fiddling with the tab of the seltzer you’ve been nursing since dessert. “Yeah, I like him, Mom.”

“Have you been seeing him long?”

“We met last year. We started hanging out in the spring.”

Your mother nodded slowly. 

“What?” You asked. 

“One of your friends talked to me at the football game a few weeks ago.”

Oh, God. “Which friend? What did she say?”

Your mother waved you off. “It doesn’t matter. She mentioned something about how you’ve changed since meeting the boy you’re dating, and now that I’ve met him, I have to say that I agree.”

It was a gut punch. You scoffed. “I can’t believe you’ve been talking about me behind my back.”

“Honey, we were barely talking about it. She just said she was worried that you’re caught up in something that won’t benefit you.”

“Well, Mom, you’ve only met him once,” you replied coldly. “You don’t even know him.”

“I know you,” your mother had said to your response. “I don’t like seeing you jump on your phone whenever you get a text.”

Mattias only sends you Snapchat messages, but that’s neither here nor there. Your mother wouldn’t understand, even if you tried to justify it.

“You just don’t seem the same, sweetheart,” she continued. “You seem quieter. I wasn’t sure what it was, but now that I know you started seeing him in the spring…” She shrugs. “It’s starting to make sense.”

You stormed out in a huff after that, venting in long texts to Mattias over Snapchat and barely receiving any sympathy. In fact, he was slightly more defensive than you: ‘I don’t think you’ve changed,’ ‘Sometimes I feel like your friends hate me just to hate me and it’s weird that they’re getting your mom involved,’ and the most telling, ‘I knew I shouldn’t have come to dinner.’ At the time, the messages seemed normal.

When you go back to your town, the place where you’ve spent the past few years with your friends and your independence and with Mattias, he invites you over to his house. You go, walking the distance between your place and his because you thought the fresh air would help clear your hear. Today, you’re a bit more tentative about letting anything happen.

“Don’t let their words get to you, babe,” Mattias murmurs, kissing the skin behind the shell of your ear. “You know what we have.”

“I know, but it’s different coming from my mom,” you complain, shrugging him off.

Mattias only doubles down on his kissing and his touching. “Let me make it up to you. Gonna give you a great night so that you forget all about that bad one.”

And he does. Despite all of his “noncommittal behavior”– your best friend’s exact words, when it comes to the things Mattias does– he is very committed to making you moan out his name. He fucks you bare, well into the night. You actually knock the sheets off the bed with all of your wiggling and repositioning, going from missionary to cowgirl within mere minutes because Mattias doesn’t like missionary, then to doggy to broken eagle to a weird position where Mattias has you on your side and your ankle rests on his shoulder. You’re perpendicular from him, staring towards the mirror in the corner of his room, and you come with Mattias’s hand around your neck. He kisses you after, just once.

Then– and get a load of this– you ask him to take you home and he says no. He says he has an early morning, with practice and all. He has to be at the rink practically before the sun rises and he doesn’t want to wake you when he gets up. It’s considerate enough, but when you sarcastically say “I guess I’ll just walk home in the dark, then,” Mattias replies, “Text me when you get home so I know you got back safe.”

For the first time since this started, you think to yourself: What if you just walked me home? Then you’d be absolutely sure that I got home safe…

In the weeks since, your mother’s words have struck you. They’ve given you pause. They’ve thrown you for a loop– or one of the many other synonyms that you could use for your new perspective. If the people around you are saying Mattias has changed you, maybe they’re right. Your mother met him once and thought that she should say something. That has to mean something.

You’ve noticed the pattern: that Mattias rarely ever texts you first, and when he does, he wants to see you. What started as sweet, cute meet ups last spring for coffee or a movie or dinner have devolved into hurried hookups in your bed, rarely ever Mattias’s. He never sleeps over and he always makes an excuse when you try to sleep at his place. When he turns you down, it’s because he has film to watch, or practice to attend, or plans with his friends. When you turn him down in order to study or do homework, he persuades you that he can relieve your stress with school or that you’d have more fun in his company.

You’ve been a negligent friend and an even worse person because of Mattias. Yet– you just keep going back.

Maybe it’s because of the potential he has. You know he can be affectionate and kind and perfect. You feel it in the reverent touches to your skin when he undresses you. You see it in his eyes when he stares up at you, perched on his lap and grinding against him. You hear it when he calls you ‘babe’ and tosses a wink at you when he’s too far away to swat at your ass. He lets you hang out with his friends– only with his friends, he won’t hang out with yours– and claims you by holding you on his thigh and wrapping his strong arms around your waist. He shares drinks with you, he always comes when you call, and he always is by your side when you’re stressed or upset. Even when you say you want to be alone, Mattias knows that you don’t really. He knows that you want someone there, seeing through all your feeble lies, and he is.

Your friends say that it’s making you codependent on him. You think that he’s really just trying to help you.

Tomato, tomato.

So, you stop talking about him. You start seeing him in secret. Everyone knows– of course they do– but you pretend like there’s nothing happening anymore. You’re tired of people saying that he’s bad for you, especially when Mattias makes you feel so good.

You’re able to keep up the facade for a few months. Your roommate ignores the beeping of the alarm and the creak of the door from your late night departures and early, early morning arrivals. Your friends stop asking about Mattias because you stop telling them about what you did with him last weekend– you went down to Nashville in Tennessee for his team’s game on Friday night, then spent Saturday night on Broadway with Ti, a name that he hates but you insist on using. He wishes you would call him Sammy, like his ‘bros’ do, but you can’t stand the idea of being on the same level as them. You’re not his friend or his teammate. You’re seeing him, consistently, and isn’t that enough to consider your ‘thing’ a relationship? Not to Mattias.

He has changed you. He’s given you every reason to move on– a lack of a label, which you’ve asked for. A lack of consistency, which you’ve begged for. You’re tired of him requiring you to say hello to him whenever you see him around, but he’ll never do the same if he sees you. You can’t count the times that he’s offhandedly mentioned “Oh, yeah, I saw you in the park last week” or “Did you go to that coffee shop on Fifth the other day? I think I saw you when I drove by” or “Got you a ticket for the game. You’re still coming right?” (No, you weren’t planning on it, but his pouty lip in one of the rare pictures he sends through Snap goes right to your heart.)

It’s exhausting.

And yet, he’s at the end of every road that you try to forge for yourself. You tell him no– he comes over. You ask for space– he convinces you that you don’t need it. You get stressed about grad school and try to pawn him off– he tells you that he’ll quiz you, then reward you for every answer you get right.

You’re tired. Your grades are being affected. You’ve even called out of work for him, multiple times, something your manager isn’t happy about. Yet– you keep going back. You keep finding him at the end of the path.

There he is: Mattias Samuelsson, in all of his 6-foot-4-inch, 235-pound, goofy smile glory. One look into his smug eyes, insisting that he knows you even without saying it aloud, and you’re done for. You fall right back into bed. 

It has to stop, you decide. You’re set on ignoring Mattias for as long as it takes for him to get the hint. You’re upset about the decision, yes– but you’re tired of looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering if you even recognize the girl staring back at you. You try to convince yourself and say that you never left, you never changed, but you know that deep down, things are different. Maybe you and Mattias decided to be together in another life. In a third, perhaps you never met. You wonder which outcome would make you happiest and you aren’t able to make a real decision, but you do know that the current situation is making you miserable. You can’t keep doing this. 

Two weeks pass where you don’t text first. It’s the easiest way to start– letting Mattias come to you. He texts you a couple of times, but you tell him that you have plans with your friends that are unavoidable. 

Surprisingly, you’re able to make those plans happen. Now that you’re not hanging out with Mattias all the time anymore, they’re happy to see you and catch up. You don’t have much to say since the last few months of your life have revolved around a boy that they don’t like, but at least you’re there. At least you’re seeing them.

It’s the first time in a long time that you’ve gotten the breath of fresh air that you were looking for.

Everything is fine– improving, even. One of your friends says that she saw Mattias on Tinder the day prior and you can’t find it in yourself to care. You just shrug and say that you wish him the best. It gets you a few perturbed looks, but you couldn’t care less. You’re no longer under his thumb.

The itch is still there. If he called, you’d come.

And when he does, you do.

It’s more of a text message than a phone call. It’s through Snapchat, like always, but you’re used to that. Mattias’s tone, however, is different. 

You’ve gotten to know him like the back of your hand over the past year. He’s had you bare and laid out beneath him, ugly crying over school, and unable to stop laughing because of something he said that wasn’t funny at 4am. Come to think of it– the thing that wasn’t funny was that he had a tee time at 8am and he had still chosen to stay up with you.

Chosen to stay up with you. You’re not sure that’s true anymore. Maybe he had just waited it out, until you gave in and caved to his advances, and it happened to be in the early hours of the morning.

It doesn’t matter.

Can I come over?, his text says. 

You’re right back where you started.

His little Bitmoji pops into the chat as you stare at the message, debating your answer. He starts to type and you feel caught out, wanting to swipe away and ignore the message. You know you can’t.

I just wanna talk :/

Mattias rarely uses emojis, at least not the ones that look like actual facial expressions (he loves the poop-face emoji and the 100 and the t-rex). He uses manually typed emojis even less, only replying to you once with a “:)” after you sent a “:(” when he stole your water bottle and refused to return it unless you came over to get it yourself.

Because of that, you believe him. You call him– through Snapchat, by the way. It’s never any less humiliating.

“So?” Mattias asks, instead of a hello.

“Are you already on your way?” You ask.

His low laugh rumbles through the phone. “Babe, I’m already outside.”

“Of course you are. I’ll come get you in a minute.” You hang up, untucking yourself from underneath your comfy bedsheets and sliding on your slippers. You’re wearing your most homely pajamas, but the weather is starting to get cold, so you wrap yourself up in your bathrobe and go to greet him. 

Mattias is at the door when you open it. You’re not sure how he got into the apartment complex, but he must have snuck in behind someone else. He probably found a guest spot and parked there, or he stole an open spot in the lot that belongs to someone else… hopefully, he’ll leave before he gets towed. Your talk shouldn’t last too long– all you have to say is that this is over. 

“Hey, gorgeous. I was wondering when I’d see you next.” Mattias steps across the threshold and dips his head to try and give you a kiss. ‘Try’ is the key word, considering you turn your head to the side and he catches your cheekbone. 

“What’s up, Mattias?” You ask.

He’s taken slightly aback by your response. You know that from the way his hand drops from your waist and finds his pockets. “Are we jumping right into this?” He sounds a bit forlorn as he questions you. 

You sigh a bit, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t have that much to say, Ti.”

He goes to correct you, like he always does when you call him ‘Ti,’ but he seems to change his mind. He looks you up and down, lifting a hand up to scrub over the scruffy shadow lining his face. “Is this over?” He asks.

Tentatively, you nod. “I think so,” you confirm quietly.

Mattias looks down at you, always towering above you in a once-sexy way, but now it’s just upsetting. You liked him. He didn’t treat you right. Yet– you still want him.

“So this is it?”

He sounds just as dejected as you. Although– he seems like he was quicker to acceptance. Probably because he’s got another girl lined up already, having met her on his secret Tinder that you shouldn’t know about. Who knows how long he’s had it– maybe he’s been on there since even before you stopped talking to him.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Yeah, Mattias. This is it.”

He stares at you for a minute. With hesitation written all throughout his movements, he brings a hand up and caresses your shoulder. 

“Shit,” Mattias mumbles. He sounds genuinely regretful and it’s working. You want to wrap your arms around his waist and press your face into his chest and hold him while he hugs you, but you fight to stay still. “I wish I had known…” he trails off, then bows his head. His fingers find the neckline of your robe, toying with the plush fabric. “If I had known that last time was the last time, I would’ve made it better for you.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” you reply, your voice somewhere between a tease, a whisper, and a scoff. 

Mattias lets a little smile grace his face. “Just gonna miss you, that’s all.”

“Are you?”

He’s taken aback again by how brash you are, how disbelieving of his sweet words. It’s a stark contrast from who you were for the past year– the girl who was willing to go back to Mattias with just a slight nudge.

His lips part in surprise, pink and full and distracting. You won’t let his Cupid’s Bow shatter the guard that you worked so hard to put up. He’s so pretty. If things were different, you’d be happy staying with him forever. At one time, you thought that maybe you would.

“Of course I’m going to miss you,” Mattias says. “We were together for a year, babe.”

“Don’t call me that.” You turn your head to the side, biting the inside of your cheek. You shrug his heavy hand off your body. “You know we weren’t ‘together.’ You didn’t want to be.”

“It– didn’t make sense to me,” Mattias says, trying to salvage the situation. “You know that. With my job, I just don’t have time for a relationship.”

“So you decided to string me along for a year?” You ask. “You know I wanted something more.”

“I thought we agreed…” Mattias cuts himself off again. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry that you weren’t happy. I wish I could make it up to you, but… if this is it…”

“It is.”

Mattias looks at you for a little while longer. It’s absurd, how you’re still standing in the foyer of your apartment. Your roommate could be listening in. It’s not even that late. Part of you hopes that she is listening– so she can hear that you’re standing your ground and that it’s truly over. The rest of you hopes that she’s asleep and missing the whole thing. You feel too… vulnerable. This is a private conversation between you and Mattias. It’s the final bit that you can have, just between you and him.

“Can I kiss you?” Mattias asks.

It’s jarring and you go to say no, but he adds something before you can.

“Just– to say goodbye. I want to remember the last time I kissed you.”

He knows you just as well as you know him. He knows exactly how to break your resolve, exactly how to strike and when to get what he wants.

You fold. Unable to find your voice, you can only nod.

Relief spreads over Mattias’s face. His smile bares his top teeth slightly, just before he moves in. 

He touches you all over. One of his hands rises through your hair, fisting the strands and tugging slightly. He loosens the knot that you had tied your hair into while doing homework earlier, making the shorter face-framing strands escape and brush along your skin. His other hand encompasses the curve of your waist, then slides to the small of your back. He pulls you close, pressing you into his front and leaving no space between your bodies. You can feel his strong, warm figure fully encompassing your own.

You suddenly want to cry. This is the last time. You’re mourning Mattias already, knowing that you have to treasure the time you have left with him, to treasure this last kiss. 

You kiss him back, touching his scruff and fingering at the hair at the nape of his neck. You hear yourself whimper quietly against his lips, which makes Mattias pull you closer.

“Please,” he murmurs, sealing the plea with a lick into your mouth. “Fuck, baby, please.”

“Please what?” You say, lips still brushing his. That’s how close you are.

His hand brushes the globes of your ass, not quite cupping the covered skin, but definitely feeling you out. “One more time,” Mattias says. His tongue fills your mouth again, working against yours and distracting you. “Let me touch you one more time. It’ll be so good, please? I can’t let last time be our last time, not like that.”

You should say no and you know it. Then, his lips leave yours and he sucks a mark just past the curve of your jaw, at the sensitive spot below your earlobe. Heat pumps through your body and Mattias feels so strong and solid beneath your palms.

He’s working you, playing you like a fiddle. It’s so easy to fall back into your old routine, to let him have what he wants… what you want.

“One last time,” you concede, your voice still slightly unsure, and the relaxed sigh that eases Mattias’s posture is justification enough for your inability to hold strong.

He all but beelines for your room, intertwining his fingers with yours so that he can tug you along impatiently. 

His touches are just as sensual as always, but laced with an urgency that has your clothes falling away from your body in just a few moments.

He undresses himself much more slowly, teasing you until you’re complaining about how long it’s taking and how it wouldn’t kill him to just get on with it. Mattias reminds you that it’s the last time he gets to see you like this, and you with him, so he wants to take his time with it. That shuts you up.

You take in the soft skin of his chest and abdomen. He’s always been toned and muscular and broad, but the curves of his love handles and the fold of his tummy when he sits back juxtaposes the athletic body that you’ve come to adore. He’s long and broad and thick in the best places, although his body moves with the delicacy and grace of a much daintier person. That’s Mattias– a Russian nesting doll of surprises. You wish you could keep him.

“Open up for me, babe,” Mattias tells you gently, working his hand between your knees and nudging them apart. He kneels between your legs when they’re spread far enough, letting his hand slide along your skin and create ripples of goosebumps in its wake. He nears your core, his eyes growing focused on the skin between your legs. 

He always gets like this– hyper focused on the part of you that he likes most, the part of you that he’s claimed as his ‘home’ on multiple occasions. He gets so focused on the part of you that brings him the most pleasure. You’re finally seeing it for what it is: lust. Not love. Not a reciprocation of your feelings. Everyone tried to convince you of this for months, but you didn’t believe them then. You recognize it now… but you’re not willing to let him go without one last time in which you can fool yourself into believing it’s real?

So you let him in. You let him touch you. You let his fingers fill you the way that only they can, long and deft and agile. You let his mouth close over your clit, lathering spit into the bud until you’re dripping and writhing against him. 

“Ti,” you cry out when you get close, your nails digging into the muscle of his shoulder.

He grins up at you from between your legs. “Always liked it when you called me that,” Mattias says. “I don’t think I ever told you.”

Then, he increases his pace and he makes you come, flicking kitten licks over your clit like he didn’t just say something that changes your perception of the past and all the times he corrected you and asked you to call him ‘Sammy.’

You’re still thinking about it, his words running through your head like an endless loop, as he starts to work his cock into you.

“Say it again,” Mattias pleads, pressing kiss after kiss to your eager mouth. He makes sure he’s close to you, staying in just this one position: face to face, flush against each other, heart to heart. 

You repeat his little nickname breathlessly as many times as he asks. You watch the blush spread down his neck and his chest as he rolls his hips into you. He places his hand on your stomach, pressing down until he swears he can feel himself moving inside of you and you swear that it’s just making it harder to hold on. You don’t want him to make you come a second time, nor for him to finish inside of you– for the second time ever. The only other time was after your mother disapproved of him and he reassured you that she, and all of your other friends, were wrong. You don’t want this to end.

The room is hot and Mattias surrounds you. You’re expecting him to move you around like he always does, but it never comes. He lets you stare up at his face and kiss him as many times as you can and he does the exact same. It’s addicting and confusing and you want it to always be like this, but it can’t be.

He buries his face in your neck and kisses you, sucking hickey after hickey along your neck as he nears his peak. You can feel it in the way his fingertips clench on your skin, pressing tiny bruises along your hips, the back of your neck, and the soft skin where he sucked that first hickey– the one that broke your resolve.

Something to remember him by, you think briefly, although the thought only passes through your head and doesn’t stick until he’s long gone.

Mattias finishes inside of you, another thing to remember him by. He lets you grind into him until you come too, only subtly shifting his hips because he’s so sensitive. He lets his fingertips do most of the work, showering your clit in reverent touches that nearly bring tears to your eyes.

Conversation is stilted as you get dressed again. The weight of reality lies on you both like tons and tons of marble. It feels a little bit like being buried alive, you think.

You walk Mattias to the door. He kisses your forehead when he goes and wraps you in a big hug, holding you for a couple of minutes without saying a thing at all. He’s reluctant to let you go and you’re reluctant to let him leave. 

It’s for the best. This was the last time. It had to be.

In three weeks, you tell yourself the same thing as you drive to pick up a drunk Mattias from the bar. He called because it was close to your place and he couldn’t think of who else to call– said the bartender who talked to you on the phone. You may remember that it was the last time, but Mattias doesn’t seem to. 

His tender touches and babbled, drunken compliments reignite old feelings inside of you, ones that you’ve been hoping to quash for what feels like forever now. 

You’re starting to wonder if you’ll ever really be free of Mattias Samuelsson.

notes: in case this feels real to you, just know that i based it off of my worst situationship with my evil ex! i have been through this too, you know. i will desire mattias carnally... even if he is a red flag and incredibly evil in this one.....

[dailycass-cain]

It's time at long last to delve into a certain secondary story in Detective Comics #1083 by Alex Paknadel and Robbi Rodriguez and my thoughts on it.

I SO did not expect to see a secondary Cass story as Ram V closes out his Tec run (but maybe I should've given he's let others give EVERYONE their due of his run).

And here ironically, a month before the character's 25th anniversary we get Cass.

I must confess reading the story drawn by Rodriguez along with Cass's appearance in #1082. It's got me reminiscing on Batgirls again.

It does make me truly miss that series. Even with the rewards that have been this run, Birds of Prey, and Spirit World.

However, unlike the prior two series, this one does a DEEP dive into the mindset of Cass and where she's at during this point of the run.

Some truly meaty stuff we get here character-wise.

The story continues where we left Cass in #1082, still roaming Gotham freely and making sure the city remembers the symbol of the bat.

I do adore any time a criminal mistakes her for Batman. Just another notch to add that she'd make a great successor to Bruce as Batman.

Likewise, I do enjoy HOW she's introduced. Going to town on the criminal lot and us the reader seeing her viewpoint on subduing them.

Yet, unlike the prior story, not everything is hunky-dory with Cass. With a few words of choice in the narration boxes, you can tell something is off with Cass.

And it's fascinating she sees relief in reuniting with probably one of the beings who can "understand" her-- Lady Shiva.

Probably the only downside I have with the story is this recurring cycle of Cass instantly mistrusting her, when really the last two stories with Shiva, her mom has been trying.

Still, they "talk" in the only way daughter/mother truly knows: fighting. Instantly, Shiva picks up what been clued to us the reader in the beginning: Cass is not well.

Though unlike the reader, Shiva lays out thickly what it is.

Since the Orgham have taken over Gotham they've been trying to wipe away the memory of the Bat via the. Yes, we know given a few issues ago Cass was immune to the Reality Engine wiping away the memory of the Bat.

Here we find out another reason why: she's fighting as Bruce.

Of course, being that this is an Orgham-controlled Gotham and Shiva has her own subplot in the issue. Their exchange is cut short by the arrival of Azmer demons.

Something I've been hoping for Cass to encounter since they showed up.

I do muse how bluntly Shiva starts this team-up to again say she's not up to any insidious shenanigans. Again, it's Shiva being blunt which I guess she has to do given Cass just always seems to untrust her.

And we get the "juiciest" portion next. Still fighting as Bruce, Cass is getting her butt handed to her by the Azmer when we get this memory:

Seven years it has been since we last saw you in a canon DC comic (fifteen years if we count this incarnation): welcome back David Cain you freaking bastard.

Again this goes back to what Cass said in her last story. She was built like Bruce, but differently, and here is how that came to be.

Which again is the core of Cassandra's character. She's always terrified of becoming what her father made her: this weapon of death. How she continues to go with this answer of NO and down this path of the bat.

That goes deeply into WHY the bat symbol means so much for Cass. It's not just a layer of justice, but redemption. That is her coda: "You can change. You CAN change."

Ironically, it's due to the Reality Engine that probably WHY Cass has this relapse. She's good, but we know from the "Outlaws" arc even she was being affected by the Reality Engine at an EXTREMELY close range.

And it's fun that Shiva is again the one to help Cass through this time. Because other than Bruce and Oynx (man I miss that friendship), she's probably the only one who can help her daughter.

Where once more, we get the recurring theme of Cass/Shiva finding mutual ground between one another, but also Shiva letting her daughter be what she wants to be. Which given all their history does feel like a new layer going with them (hopefully).

Again, this story ties so wonderfully with what Ram V has been doing with Cass. Showing again, how much the bat symbol means to her, and again reminding the reader that she's built like Bruce in sheer determination.

This was a REALLY good story that was built on prior with Cassandra. It gives Cass a sense of poetry at the end for her character. Her appearances here all tie together for this subplot of showing the any new reader WHO SHE IS, and why so damn enthralling as a character.

In a way, this really felt like a good unofficial celebration of the character. Though DC never fully said it, this does celebrate just means A LOT to so many.

The tale meant A LOT, giving us ANOTHER banger Cass story to boot.

Though I can't help but wonder? Even if there were rats in the story. My mind kept going here instead and Cass's "little friend" and nickname from Shadow of the Batgirl. I know it was probably unintentional.

If this is truly all we get in celebrating the anniversary of the character this TRULY was a story worthy for it. For that, I thank the creative team behind this and Ram V too for giving us this. Like you, Kelly, Michael, and Alyssa are just giving us all these bangers.🙏

[stickyricewithmangosauce]

Character who should have died in Naruto

I'm still pissed that there was a war but hardly anyone died that was important to the viewer. The war arc was complete shit anyway and shouldn't have happened in such a form -

So here is my super important opinion:

Hinata dies instead of Neji to protect Neji. In my opinion it was just tasteless anyway. There was a great battle between Naruto v. Neji; Free Will v. Fate; in that Naruto proved to him that it wasn't Neji's fate to die for the Main Branch, only to end up dying for the Main Branch. That the heiress of the Hyuuga clan dies to protect a Branch Family member would be a breaking of the circle.

Tsunade dying in the Pain Arc while protecting Konoha. The arc would have been the great end of the Sannin. Instead of Hinata, Tsunade protects Naruto. Tsunade's goal was to protect Naruto's dream and by protecting Naruto, she also protects the dream of Dan, Naruto and her brother. Both Jiraya and Tsunade die knowing that they did everything for their goal and left a legacy in Sakura and Naruto. Of course, it goes against the whole thing that Tsunade didn't want to die as sHokage, but honestly? It's a particularly good death when not all your dreams have come true.

After the Pain Arc, at least 1/3 of Konoha's population should have remained dead. No Rinne Rebirth, no 'it's all good, nothing happened'. I just wouldn't let Kakshi die instead.

Ibiki dies in the war. Remember that gross guy with the scars from the Chunin Exam? Yep, that guy. So first off, I'd give him more screen time simply because he's doing important work that should also be important to the story, but also because he's a pillar of Konoha that was just too constant and secure to not bring down. After all, we are at war, no one is safe.

Someone from the Suna siblings dies in the war. Be it Gaara, Kankuro or Temari. Three siblings, all on the front lines. All survive? I do not think so.

Orochimaru stays dead. I'm so pissed that the characters in Naruto can't just stay dead. It takes away the importance, the finality. Why should anyone take any death seriously when you just walk around reviving everyone?

Gai dies after opening all 8 gates. Even though the death hurts me the most, because fuck he is one of my favorite characters, but it would just make sense. Actually it means that you can't survive after opening the 8 gates. It should stay that way. He did great as it was his goal and in the end he also got his eternal rival by being the only one who could do something against Madara. Gai should have killed Madara too, but that's not possible because the MC always has to do the final blow

Choji dies in the Sasuke Revival Arc. I'm not 100% sure about that one. But it would have simply once again set a sign that the feel good anime Naruto is over and after the time skip the seriousness begins. It would also have clarified again in which world they live. The death of a 12 year old is relatively normal in this world. Choji's death would have been tragic, but it feels necessary.

Finally, someone from Team 7 should have died. I can't decide who it should have been. Kakashi wouldn't fit in my opinion. His curse has always been to survive everything and I'm not willing to give him his peace and follow Gai into the afterlife. Sakura would feel like a slap in the face, because damn, the bitch finally deserved to get something done. Naruto is a no-go, so it would probably come down to Sasuke. With him, the Uchiha clan will end, breaking the cycle of hate by dying for his team, his family. He would be the last death in the war, bringing peace as one of the few Uchiha.

These are just ideas. At the end of the day, I think Kashimoto showed complete ignorance to the horror of war by making the ending all lovey-dovey and with hardly any casualties. War leaves scars and wounds that never fade and never close. War changes everything, even if you survive and arrive home, it will not feel the same

[favouritecyclistpoll]

THE FINAL: Tadej Pogačar v. Jonas Vingegaard

All propaganda under the cut:

Tadej Pogačar Propaganda

Jonas Vingegaard Propaganda

He is CUTE, he is SMOL, he has a CUTE NOSE and FRECKLES and EYES AS BLUE AS THE ENDLESS SKY---

OK no but seriously, he's amazing. As absurd as it can sound since this is one of the best riders in the world, he's always the underdog in people's minds. Somehow, no one ever thinks "OK I think Jonas is going to win this stage today", and when he does, they're like "OK he won but he still wasn't out of this world, it's because the others were having a bad day", and when he has a stellar day they're like "HE'S DOPING FOR SURE". It's like nothing he ever does is good enough and YET he doesn't give a fuck and keeps performing despite the pressure.

Being consistently good when everyone expects you to win is talent, but being consistently good when everyone hopes you'll lose is something else too.

And he's an incredible human being to boot. He's kind, he's compassionate, he's sensitive, he doesn't have a mean bone in him, he's affectionate, thoughtful. Remember that time during TdF 2022 when he asked Grischa to tell him if he could slow down at the end of the TT to let Wout win the stage? Yeah. He's that kind of guy.

He's a crier. It's cute and it makes me want to hug him. He loves his family and he always has a good word for his rivals and he's humble and I relate so much to his introverted personality and he's a cinnamon roll and a cutie patootie. But when he puts on his sunglasses, he looks like A WAR MACHINE.

(but a cute one)

He got a lot of heat when he didn't wait for Sepp on the Angliru during this Vuelta, only the instructions of the team before that clusterfuck stage were to battle it out between them and he probably liked it even less than us because he wanted Sepp to win the Vuelta from the beginning.

And need I say anything about the absolute sportsmanship of this man? When he lost his balance in the Col of Spandelles, TdF 2022, Tadej didn't miss the opportunity and powered away from him, but when Tadej was the one who crashed two minutes later, he waited for him. HE WAITED FOR HIM.

And he made the sport all the better for it and gave us one of the finest images in cycling history.

if you like MvDP, consider that though in these days when van der Poel is showing up with a mullet, Jonas did long hair earlier and better.

though there has been a change of style

If you like WvA, consider that some of the BEST hug pictures only exist due to Jonas being the kind of teammate whom others want to hug AND eminently sized for hugs/lifts

(we've all seen this but we can look at it again)

He's got sportsmanship. He's got incredible skills. He's even a dad! Maybe he's not always good at smiling for the cameras but he can sure smile for his family

Most importantly, he's a TdF winner with the time trial of the year and he cannot ride his goddamn bike without hands without his body language screaming oh god someone help me

[halfagone]

Hi Halfa! You don't have to answer this, I'm honestly just a little curious and a little baffled -- but I realized you write a lot. It's very impressive! How do you organize and keep track of all of it? Especially with long fics like lex luthor's ascent. It seems a little daunting ngl. Is there a specific program you use that works for you in being organized?

Love everything you write btw! I'm always a little excited to find an AO3 update from you!

Hello, Anony!! And yes, I write... a lot. It's become a problem. Not that I'm really complaining right now either. XD There are a couple things I use to keep track of organizing everything. I do use the Google Suite, so I'm talking Drive, Sheets, and Docs mainly. I hate Google's autocorrect system but I'll write across three different devices at times so the Drive helps a lot with that. Plus it's free if you have an account so *shrugs*.

I use spreadsheets when I can. Mainly for word counts and WIP ideas. We are at 147 WIPs and counting, btw, woohoo! But as for my actual works, I say folders is probably the most useful thing for me. I color-code all my folders to make it easier for me to know which is which at a glance. I would also say- never be afraid to make a folder within a folder. It's some of the only ways to keep my drafts separated and out of the way.

I tend to save all my drafts unless I really do not like it, but multiple classes taught me that the file convention can make or break you.

This is probably the best example I have:

These are the drafts I saved from my attempts at the Lex Luthor's Ascent chapter 88, "The Prodigal Son: Return to Metropolis". As you can see I finally got it right on the eighth try, which was the final draft and the one that is currently published.

"p.d." stands for "partial draft", which means I didn't rewrite the whole chapter, just a significant portion of it. "v" is of course "version", and it makes it easier to figure out what is the newest, most updated draft. That's mainly because sometimes I will go through more than one draft in a day, so I can't really use the time stamps.

(Bonus points to whoever can guess the closest to how many drafts I have saved lol)

I don't... outline things. Which is probably a thing I should do, but most of my fic ideas stay in the brain box where they are cycled through periodically like a washing machine. XD

Spreadsheets, again, are a very helpful tool and I cannot recommend them enough. I absolutely loathed them in middle school but by the time I graduated high school they helped me so much, especially to keep track of my madness. lol I know a bunch of tricks for spreadsheets if you ever need them. ;)

At first it can be overwhelming, especially because I did not... keep track of them early enough which meant I had to catch up quickly. But if you put a little time into it at the beginning it's so much easier to just insert a row later on and then you're done for the day.

And also, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you've been enjoying my fics!! I am also so happy to hear they bring you a little bit of excitement too! I know I'm always so excited to hear other people enjoy my fics as well. <3 Have a happy new year!

[rissararity]

Keep My Secret- Stucky/OC

By RissaRarity

A/B/O fic

👉🏻Chapter word count: 11,205

🌶 18+ readers discretion advised

(Unprotected p/v sex, dom Steve, choking, praise kink, threesome, poly, Heat, mating instincts)

Fic masterlist

CHAPTER ONE - THAT TIME IN SPACE (Prism + Steve)

SUMMARY: When their ship crashlands, Bucky, Steve and Prism must await rescue. This unscheduled detour makes her suppressants wear off and she is forced into a heat for the first time in years. Something thought to be dormant wakes in Bucky, the alpha he was forced to be under Hydra's command takes over and makes him pursue the omega.

Frenemies-though more often than not more like enemies- Prism and Steve must put their differences aside to keep her safe until her heat is over or rescue arrives.

(Heat smut with plot yall)

Damn it!" Steve growled as the fuzzy transmission signal died. "They can't get us for another week."

"A week?!" Prism's heart dropped. This was supposed to be a three day mission tops. She wasn't prepared for this.

"That's what I fuckin said, isn't it?!" he hissed, getting a glare.

"Look we aren't happy have to deal you either." Bucky replied gruffly.

She turned her glare on him and was met with his infamous dead eyed stare.

Priz flinched as Steve stormed by in a rage, unleashing it on some near by alien tree looking plants.

The betas let the Alpha blow off steam for a while until Bucky spoke up, "If you're done, we could use some help setting up camp."

Steve glared at the crashed spaceship they arrived in. "Couldn't help us land without destroying everything, you weak bitch?" he spat while she unloaded some boxes.

"It was already too damaged to function, you're lucky my force field was enough to keep us safe in that hellish atmosphere and from exploding upon impact! We'd be dead if it wasn't for me!" she growled with such ferocity both the males looked taken back, knowing what she said was true.

Truth be told, she was a bit worse for wear. With her long term blockers wearing off, her powers hadn't been on full and would only get weaker until after her oncoming heat cycle was over.

She didn't how know she was going to handle hiding it with these two here. This planet seemed devoid of life, at least ones like them, so she only had to worry about Bucky and Steve.

But they were quite a thing to worry about.

Especially with her powers slowly fizzling as her Omega hormones slowly reawakened and tried to make her vulnerable.

She needed to dig in her heels and assert herself for as long as possible while she figured out what to do. Getting them to want to stay away from her seemed like her best hope.

Priz didn't seem aware, but she'd had a nosebleed since they landed, evidence that it had been quite a feat for her to save the ship.

Steve didn't seem to care, but she gained some respect from Bucky when he put it together. Between helping set up shelter, the other beta noticed her flinching to her side a little every now and again.

Again, the Alpha was too caught in his own rage to notice one of his charges was hurt. Even if neither were his, he was still Captain and the only Alpha. He was supposed to care about the team, and while he did care for Bucky on the rare occasion it was needed, he seemed to ignore the female.

Even Beta's healed better with help, but Bucky had never once heard Prism ask for anyone's assistance. He assumed healing quickly was part of her magical abilities but he was beginning to wonder if he was wrong.

"I'm gonna go pee. Stay here, will ya?" she asked after trying to mask an especially hard wince.

"Like I care what you do. Just go, Priz." Steve didn't look up as he started a fire in the pit he'd built.

Neither noticed Bucky suspiciously follow behind her at a safe distance. For a beta, she always was pretty shit at detecting when she was being followed.

A fair distance away, further than she'd have gone just to pee, she looked around before slowly lifting the side of her shirt.

A long strip of metal was imbedded in her ribs with only an inch or so sticking out. "Shit shit shit shit." She hissed as she assessed the injury.

Bucky squinted past her blood covered skin to see the shard, opting to pull out his high tech binoculars now that he knew his suspicions were correct.

She pushed her back against a tree and slid down it, reaching into her utility belt for a little first aid kit.

"Ugh this is gonna be bad." She got lightheaded as she stuffed a cloth into her mouth and grabbed the metal.

The other beta watched with wide eyes as she slowly and carefully pulled the shard from her side, screaming into the gag with tears coming down her cheeks.

She pulled air harshly through her nose as she bandaged the wound, finding a cracked rib the hard way, a fresh scream into the gag.

Unbeknownst to her, distress was rolling off her in waves that Bucky nearly responded to instinctively as a nearby and relatively friendly beta.

His vibranium arm gripped a tree trunk to remind himself she wanted to do this herself or she'd have come to them- or more likely him- for assistance.

He doubted she'd ever ask Steve for any help, even on deaths door. And he couldn't blame her.

Her face was pale and clammy when she finished and cleaned the blood off her skin, revealing heavy bruising across her right side.

She took the gag out and repacked the first aid kit with slightly shaking hands, leaning her head back against the tree and breathing heavily through the pain.

Bucky frowned as he watched her pant and blink pitifully for a few seconds before both of their heads snapped back toward camp as the alpha used the team bond to call them back.

Prism wiped her face and slid on a mask of indifference, heading toward camp as Bucky silently scurried away to not get caught.

--

That night, as Alpha, Steve took first watch while the betas laid down by the fire to sleep. He sat atop the cliff above camp for a good vantage point.

Bucky laid a little far from the fire on his side, lifting his arm to the other beta, offering to spoon with her to help her heal.

The simple nearness of a friendly beta would aid with her pain and healing. Most unmated betas would be open to cuddling with friends to help, and this was the first time anyone had ever offered to Prism.

He hid his shock when Priz snickered and laid on the opposite side of the flames, locking her jaw to hide her wince as she laid down. Bucky frowned as a stream of blood came from her nose while she slept.

Why was she determined to drive a wedge between herself and her supposed team mates?

A few hours later, Steve came down to pick what beta would take the next watch. He narrowed his eyes at the dried blood under Prism's nose, noticing for the first time that her side smelled like blood too.

He tilted his head curiously, kneeling down and using his alpha hormones to keep her unaware and asleep - he could just as easily rouse her if he wanted to. It was one of the benefits of being the only Alpha among betas- he could command either of them wordlessly like this. He kept both of them asleep as he knelt beside her and lifted her top a little, surprised to find a deep red bandage surrounded by a large purple bruise that took up most of her side.

Steve clenched his jaw, annoyed that he hadn't picked up on her distress earlier and that Bucky didn't seem to care either. Another beta wouldn't be as helpful as an alpha, but it was better than dealing with it alone.

Letting herself be injured and not speeding up healing was hurting the team too.

But if she was determined to suffer, let her.

She'd come crawling to him when the pain became too much. Begging for his aid.

And he would give it, for the good of the team.

But until then, she was on her own.

After replacing her shirt he carefully wiped her nose then woke Bucky for second watch.

--

The next morning, Priz woke up first and Bucky waved her to the ship to get ready for the day before he would come down from his watch.

She bandaged her side and refreshed herself in the ships luckily still functioning bathroom facilities.

She managed to use her magic to make her clothes clean again, coming out of the ship looking normal other than the slight bags under her eyes.

Bucky came down and they decided to let Steve sleep a while longer. While the beta took his turn in the bathroom, Priz watched over Cap who slept soundly.

When the beta came out, she wiggled her fingers at him, making them glow purple. He took in her spotless appearance and nodded letting her flick her magic at him leaving his clothes like new.

She began to prepare breakfast while Bucky started chopping wood, the sound of witch woke the Alpha at last.

He surveyed the camp and the betas before nodding and going into the ship next.

Steve's shower was military fast and he was back in 10 minutes or less, coming out in his dirty clothes again.

Feeling that it was only fair, Prism approached him seeing him raise his eyebrows expectantly.

"Do you want me to," she wiggled purple fingers, "clean your clothes?"

His expression changed to confusion then surprise but he nodded, letting her do the same to him as she had Bucky and herself.

He didn't thank her, just went and grabbed his breakfast first. Bucky put the axe aside and got his serving next, not wanting to give Prism special treatment like he normally would for an injured teammate- since she clearly wanted to deal with it herself or keep it from Steve; he didn't know witch.

Prism tried not to look disappointed at the meager half portion the super soldiers had left her with.

"You've been meaning to loose a few pounds anyway, right?" Steve clapped her on the back as she passed, missing her slight recoil at his touch.

To cover it, she stuck her tongue out behind his back and took every little bit she could get from the pot.

Bucky glanced down at his full plate and cursed himself for not saving more for her. Now that he could have gotten away with doing and Steve wouldn't have noticed.

She stood while she ate while the men sat beside each other and chatted.

Afterward, she collected the dishes and returned to the ship to wash them. Her stomach growled at her but she growled back. "Suck it up. It's always like this. You know that. I'm not in any shape to challenge Buck for more food. Steve's right, I don't need it." She pinched her flat stomach and frowned. Was she getting fat?

Her chest hurt as she hurt her own feelings, shaking her head.

It's just the blockers wearing off, She tried to tell herself.

She never worried about her weight before, in fact, she'd often been compared to Aphrodite herself in terms of her looks. The tabloids loved getting photos of her and fans adored her.

She wasn't fat, if anything she was on the fit side.

Right?

Stupid Omega thoughts.

-

To save the limited food the did have, Steve told the betas they'd be cutting to two meals a day. Both agreed, but Prism frowned slightly as she'd begun to feel light headed around onePM Earth time.

She redressed her bandage in the ship and ran her fingers lightly over the large bruise on her side, hissing in pain and quickly retracting.

She opted to drink a lot of water- something the ship could synthesize on its own from...natural resources as well as particles found in most planets with sufficient oxygen.

After filling her belly with water she went back outside just in time to watch the Alpha pace back and fourth.

"I can't stand all this waiting. We did our mission and crashed onto a neighboring planet. What are the fucking odds!?"

"Being mad about it isn't going to help anything, Steve." Bucky sounded bored.

"Its not hurting anything either." The alpha countered, glaring.

"It's hurting my head. Why don't you go plow through more trees with another tantrum? That'll at least give us more fuel."

The males gaped at Prism who immediately regretted her words. Bucky jumped to his feet and pushed against Steve who immediately tried to stride over.

"What's you're fuckin problem lately?" he growled, "I don't have to take your shit."

Swallowing her fear to keep up her beta façade she looked up defiantly, "Yes, you do. And you're going to until you learn how to handle your emotions like a mature alpha worthy of leading."

Shit.

Bucky was immediately shoved aside and Steve's long strides carried him over to the slightly shaking female who held his eyes.

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" he growled, picking her up by her neck, ignoring her prying fingers and gasps.

"I'm the only Alpha here. I was chosen to lead this mission. You think you could do better?"

Her reply was lost in gasps.

"Steve, stop it!" Bucky put his vibranium arm on the alphas shoulder.

"No. She needs to be put in her place. That's another thing alphas do."

He harshly threw her sideways into the dirt and kicked her side, sending her rolling in the dirt and whimpering in pain-clutching her already injured side that began to bleed again.

In a flash, Bucky had Steve on the ground with his metal arm around his throat. "Hate to say it, but she's got a point here. Plus, a good alpha would never choke out a non-aggressive beta who, need I remind you, he as Captain is supposed to protect."

"She's fine!" the blonde growled.

"Is she?"

The blood. The bandage.

The alphas eyes grew wide as he remembered her injury from the rough landing that she hasn't mentioned yet.

Bucky released him and they both looked over to where she'd been thrown, finding a few spots of blood left behind. They could hear her coughing and wheezing in the ship and the medkit open.

In the dirt she wrote, Fuck you Rogers.

Guilt flooded him immediately as he realized Bucky was right, and so was Priz. Letting his irritation evolve to rage wasn't helping anyone. And he'd definitely thrown her on her injured side- not that she knew he was aware of it.

Both of their heads snapped over to the ship as the scent of blood and worry leaked from it.

They looked at each other for a second and both headed in. It was easy to follow her scent to the locked bathroom where they could smell both scents were stronger, they could hear her push on her side and try to stop the bleeding.

"Stop stop stop stop..." she muttered, hissing in pain as she put more pressure on it. "Ohhh come on don't make me do this..." her voice was raspy and full of fear like neither of them had ever heard.

They looked at each other in confusion before they heard a lighter be lit.

"Priz, wait!" Bucky knocked on the door. "Let us help you."

"I'm fine. Just a scratch." She rasped again, making Steve flinch.

Bucky nodded and stepped back to let Steve take over. His domineering aura filled the ship, "Prism put that lighter down and open the door." He commanded with his alpha tone.

After a few thick seconds of tense silence, they heard the lighter be placed on the sink, then a few more seconds before the door opened after some shuffling.

She opened it only a crack and touched her bruising throat, "Just a bruise. It's fine. I'm fine. You're a dick though." She croaked at the alpha who's nose immediately told him something was wrong.

He shoved the door open, making her back up until she was pressed against the wall.

"Do you mind? Occupied." She pushed weakly at his chest, flinching as he grabbed the side of her shirt and lifted it. The puncture was bleeding heavily and it stained her shirt a deep red.

"How long were you planning on keeping this from us?" he growled, making her flinch reflexively and cast her eyes down.

"...until it healed."

"Or until you bled out and died." He said harshly, "and what if we'd been attacked? We expect you to hold your own, we can't coddle you. What if Bucky got killed by trying to save you? What if it was your fault Bucky died?"

Bucky looked over the Alpha's shoulder, horrified that he'd sling that at her. Her chest hurt, feeling tight as the last of the blockers wore away and his words cut deep.

Her eyes teared up and she dropped her chin to her chest, cowering from her Alpha who stood with his fists balled.

"Ever think to ask why I would rather die than ask you for help? Why I would rather live in silent agony than come whimpering to you?" she coughed as she tried to speak louder.

"Its shit like that. You maybe a great leader, a great captain..." she gasped, clutching a cloth to her side. "But you're a bad alpha."

His eyes got wide, mind locking this image in his memory as his body froze.

She ducked under his arm and shakily went to Bucky who immediately took her to lay down, grabbing the med kit from the wall.

Steve stood frozen and watched his friend tend to their injured team mate. He was forgotten about as the betas spoke softly to each other, Bucky crooned at her whimpers that she no longer had the ability to hide without her blockers.

Her change of scent was subtle, too much for the beta to pick up on yet, but Steve could tell something had changed during the day.

Instead of being the leave me alone, I'm fine person she usually was after a tough fight, she eagerly accepted his aid. Not just his combat medic abilities but his presence. It was common for unmated betas to stick together for the most part, cuddling was a common way for them to bond and it helped them heal faster.

She'd never allowed this before. Medical care sure but she was letting Bucky spoon with her on the couch, keeping her injured side up. He lightly covered her cracked rib with his arm he stretched over her waist.

The look in her eyes was changing too - gentler, docile, trusting.

Neither of them noticed the air grow tense around the alpha still watching from the corner of the room- what the fuck is wrong with Priz?

Her scent was getting sweeter as Bucky had casual conversation with her, lips close to her ear.

While it wasn't uncommon for unmated betas to have sex with each other for fun-there was no risk of accidental mating- it was odd that Bucky's pheromones flooded the air this way. Then again, Buck was nearly dominant enough to be an alpha if he cared a bit more so it could be a result of that.

Because what Steve witnessed definitely looked and felt like early courting measures.

But they're both betas...right?

Getting an idea, he returned to the bathroom and opened the bathroom mirror compartment revealing a blood testing machine with swabs. He wiped her blood from the doorway and inserted the swab.

Within seconds the small screen gave him the highlights of the result: O - Female, slightly elevated hormones: possibly a rush from hormone blockers or stress.

His eyes grew wide as he re-read it again. O - female.

Priz was an Omega?!

He'd known her for years and she never gave off any less than bitey Beta. Was it an act? Was it real and she just a bad Omega?

As soon as the question occurred to him his inner alpha scoffed at it. Fun. She was fun.

He shook his head and closed the mirror, coming back into the room to find Prism had fallen asleep in Bucky's arms.

"Does she smell...different to you?" Steve asked, trying to get him to notice. With how Naturally Bucky's hormones reacted to the new ones the female was putting out, he knew the physical attraction part at least was real. His body knew but his brain missed the info.

She might be the first Omega he'd gotten a whiff of since being freed from Hydra- they were exceedingly rare.

Bucky gave a questioning look and bent his nose down to her neck, both noting how even in her sleep she bared her throat obligingly.

His pupils dilated as he inhaled, eyes snapping to Steve again.

"She's...did you know?"

"Only a few minutes before you." He pointed to the bloody bathroom.

"What do we do?"

Steve considered their current position, the pheromones cleared now that Bucky had returned to his senses but his touch would still help her, more than beta to beta, even.

Omegas were considered easily rechargeable, in terms of healing. Though an alpha would still be ideal, Bucky could pass as one when he wanted to - he'd fooled enemies before.

"Take it one day at a time until help arrives. Keep each other in check."

Bucky gulped and nodded, closing his eyes and flaring his hormones to alpha level. The air tensed between the two alphas.

"I'll guard outside but I'm keeping an eye on this."

He gestured to the two of them.

"She's not even in heat yet, I'm fine. Let me help her like a good alpha and get out."

Steve was taken back by the growl, chest hurt a little at the insinuation. He knew an unmated, injured omega would bring out the worst in both of them as they wouldn't be able to help but fight over her in little ways.

Swallowing his pride, Cap nodded and left the ship wreck to patrol.

On some level, it killed him to give up the omega to a beta but the fact that it was Bucky made it not so bad. Now that he knew Prism was an omega, so many moments in their past felt different now.

He could truly see why she called him what she did. The most hurtful words an omega can say to an alpha. He should be the first person she goes to when injured but the fact that she actively tried to keep it from him to suffer alone was an absolute gut punch.

Why would an omega put herself through being an active duty Avenger? The constant presence of countless alphas working at the tower?

Now he understood why she hated attending meetings and was always trying to convince Tony to have them in the residential conference room instead of high in the sky.

He wondered if Tony knew about this. Bruce clearly knew because long term blockers were unavailable to the general public.

Knowing what he did now, he gained a lot more respect for her as he saw her though the omega lens.

"I've got them!" Prism lunged to head toward the cowering children while the building they hid under swayed.

"There's no time! Too far away." He grabbed her arm.

Her eyes glowed with passion, fists displaying silver and pastel colored magic. "I've. Got. Them." She bit, fading into white smoke to get out of his range then flying over to them, throwing a forcefield out with both hands as the pieces of building began to splinter and rain down.

"Prism, that building is empty. Only those two." Jarvis told her over coms. Cap caught his ricocheting shield after taking out a couple of enemies and glared as he watched her disobey orders.

The children cried while she dodged the falling debris and made it to them, yelping slightly here and there as she got closer. She landed on the ground between them and covered them in a dome of a forcefield just before the entire building fell down around them.

Concerned shouts came out over coms as the other Avengers took notice.

They could vaguely see a shimer of purple light dance under the pipes of office building. "We're okay. We're okay...for now...but...its...heavy..."

"Race for time, guys! Find Priz!" Tony flew down and began throwing the larger pieces of debris.

The team arrived and dug though the ruble, occasionally hearing Prism speak very softly to the children but unable to understand what she said.

Then a big piece of cement slid down a little and a nervous shout came from the coms as Prism's footing slipped a little under the weight, forcing the children closer as the forcefield shrunk.

" You're doing great, Priz. Just hold it for a little bit longer." Tony said over coms.

"I've got it." She sounded strained but determined. Her com picked up one of the kids saying something about her nose but she sushed him.

When they freed the trio, she dropped the forcefield as soon as was safe, eyes damp and distant looking. A little bit of blood dropped from her nose, but she wiped it away.

Cap had seen it though.

A little wobbly on her feet she took a couple of steps toward Tony who flew down to meet her, mask scanning her for injuries.

"T-Tony I feel...weird...I think..." her eyes rolled back and the Alpha caught her before she fell, shifting her to rest against his chest.

"Cap, finish up here please. I'm gonna put this on the charger." He chuckled.

At the time, Steve was annoyed Prism disobeyed orders, overextended herself then had to be evacuated.

Now he realized for the first time why she was so desperate to save those children, why she went against orders to do it.

He also realized he was the last alpha she would turn to. Even under the cover of a Beta she'd shown preference for Tony- if only for family/pack bonds, she at least accepted him and trusted him to look out for her.

Come to think of it, Steve realized he was the only Alpha on the team she bickered with, she had turned to others before but he didn't notice because he never even considered...

He'd always chalked it up to the little fling he and Bucky had occasionally, they weren't official but did enjoy each other's company when on missions together. He thought he was so cold to Priz because his body was accepting Bucky as his Beta, but now that he knew Prism's secret he wanted to treat her as such...he could have both. The ideal triad of A/B/O.

Someday.

He knew he had a lot to make up for to do right by Prism. He felt insanely guilty for how he'd treated her over the years, purposely letting her get tackled on missions, not going easy on her when they spared, the way he'd used her to practice giving alpha commands and belittled her for struggling to fight them.

He felt dirty knowing he'd done those things to an omega. Maybe that was why she'd gotten so good at denying him, something omegas were supposed to not be able to do at all.

She'd adapted and learned a skill thought to be out of her class because he'd mistreated her. Honestly, doing that to a beta without their consent to the practice wasn't seen as much better.

He realized that she wasn't a beta, but a neglected omega forced to adapt to survive- forcing her to live as a beta and taking injections to block her omega hormones and scent.

Was her sharp tongue just a defense mechanism or was she just a bratty omega?

Steve felt dirty as he very much wanted to know. He shook his head and focused on his patrol, and role as protector.

--

A few hours later, Bucky came out to relieve him of his post. Steve calmly entered the ship, feeling his friends slight apprehension as he did so.

Prism's eyes snapped open and she immediately dropped her eyes to his chest.

She got nervous as she watched him shut off all listening devices that recorded conversations.

"I want you to tell me why you mascaraded as a beta." He kept his tone soft.

The omega gave a questioning look. "Y-youre not going to command me to tell you?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I never would have done that to you if I'd known. I wouldn't mess with an omega like that. I'm....I'm sorry, Priz."

She blinked in surprise, flinching as she tried to sit up more on the couch.

Without thinking about it, Steve's chest gave out a rumble designed specifically to comfort an omega.

Her shoulders involuntarily slumped as the sound soothed her brain in a way she'd never experienced.

"Do you...I understand if you don't...d-do you want my help? Like Bucky's but better."

The woman eyed him skeptically and shakily pulled herself to sit up more, patting the other end of the couch. "Only because it hurts so much..."she muttered, grunting as she sat up more to carefully shift herself into Steve's side.

She felt so little as she slumped against him, he realized that when she wasn't puffing herself up to appear beta she was definitely omega sized. Steve dwarfed her and never noticed before because of her snarky tough guy act.

She could pass as a beta under normal circumstances.

He put his arm around her and carefully touched where he knew the wound was. He purred and flooded the room with his alpha pheromones. She visibly relaxed as he did this, previous reservations about it melting away as her blockers had left her completely in omega mode.

"...it does feel nice with you too..." the words seemed to leave her mouth without her permission.

"But better than Bucky faking it, right?" he chuckled slightly, trying not to move too much.

"I meant vs with Thor, Nat and Tony. Honestly you feel very similar to Bucky."

She tensed as he did, rage flickered in him but he choked it down for her sake. Not only had this omega come to every alpha on the team for healing other than him, she was comparing him to a beta.

"What do you mean?" he asked calmly.

"Its not about you, Captain," she added quickly having realized her mistake-Beta tendencies keeping her from referring to him as Alpha. "Part of it is...based on trust and strength of relationship...who's pheromones are ideal. It doesn't mean anything happened between us, even a friendship is a relationship." She knew Steve would feel the same ownership of her as any Alpha that got a whiff of her Omega pheromones, so she made sure to include that, then dropped her chin to her chest, "Bucky may be a beta but when he tries like that, he does pass as an Alpha to both my beta and omega senses."

"So let me guess: Tony is your favorite, then Thor, Natasha, Bucky and me."

"Yes, sir." She cowered slightly in his arm as she feared the wrath she'd usually face as a beta.

Instead he took a choppy breath and rested his cheek on her head, still purring softly. Body instinctively seeking emotional comfort from the omega.

"I really am a bad Alpha, aren't I?" he sounded dejected.

Her heart tightened for a moment. "I was harsh but not untruthful." She flicked her silver eyes to gently meet his blue- submission and mild fear were clear in them, keeping him in check.

His eyes got wet as they met hers.

"But it's never too late to change. Being an Alpha is more than being buff and bossy, you know!" she poked his peck, smiling a little.

Steve let her warm and comforting omega pheromones take hold and turned all his attention to her.

"Buff and bossy am I?" he joked, softly rubbing his cheek on the top of her head to show affection like Alphas only did for Omegas.

"Yes." She giggled, unable to stop the little sound of approval as he did it. This made him relax and smile, helping him forgive himself a little when he made her chirp like that.

"You've got that down. You just need to manage your emotions and use them to fuel the other aspects...like...?" she began, back comfortably leaning against his muscled torso as his touch sped her healing and soothed her pain.

"The first one I'd say would be controlling the situation, but that would probably fall under bossy so...protecting the team, be logical and calm under stress..."

She raised her eyebrows at him, dropping the hint like a sign on the Jumbo-tron.

Steve pursed his lips, recalling all the times he'd been needlessly cruel to Prism, sometimes just verbally and other times physically.

He'd noticed she seemed more wounded by the verbal abuse than anything but it wasn't enough to sate his odd need to be mean to her.

It wasn't all betas, in fact most saw him as an idol and adored him. He was fine with other Alphas most of the time.

But Priz specifically rubbed him the wrong way.

Could he somehow sense her industrial strength hormone blockers that kept her scentless?- somehow make him feel like something was wrong with her?

Thinking about it now, Cap always knew he could trust Prism to protect others and civilians, and give 110% all the time. But would he trust her to have his back?

No.

That's why his mission partner -Beta backup as Tony so jokingly called it- was always Bucky.

Now that he considered that he also realized Prism was usually Tony's beta back up for big missions - since both could fly and had similar abilities.

Did Tony know she was an Omega? Was he keeping her secret? Is that why he never argued more to pair Priz with Steve or Bucky?

Was Tony slowly building a relationship with her in hopes of her being his omega?

Steve clenched his jaw as he shoved the irritation down when he realized the answer was probably yes.

Provided he was right in assuming Tony knew. He tried to stay logical.

But then the thought of him seeking her as his beta were irritating too. This was Steve's first experience with an Omega since Peggy...Peggy.

The first Omega he met was also playing it up and working extra hard to appear a beta. He remembered he'd caught a brief whiff of something while they danced once. She was kind, but tough, confident and eager to prove herself among any company be it as measuring up to any beta there or by being the most beautiful person in the room.

He realized Prism reminded him of Peggy. His long lost love with the heart of a Beta and soul of an omega - she was the ideal of both rolled into one.

Was Prism like that too?

While injured or in heat, she would nearly lose herself to her new Omega urges. He wouldn't know what kind of Omega she was until she was back to normal and blocker free.

Though he was sure she would want them to have Bruce meet them on the landing zone to give her another dose of blockers before they enter the building.

Unless- for a second he considered that he could accept Bucky as his Beta, Prism as his Omega and no one would even notice her at the Compound.

She would be safe.

His brain immediately screamed absolutely not and that would be unfair and unwanted by Prism.

Bucky had- knowingly or not- already expressed an interest in courting her; though Steve doubted the two were versed enough in it to recognize the difference in the pheromone signs vs platonic.

Steve knew mateship couldn't be taken lightly, that's why he hadn't rushed in with Peggy.

Although he wished he had.

But he needed to remind himself that no matter the similarities, Prism was not Peggy.

Besides, he never treated the brunette the way he had the silver haired woman. She was well within reason to feel the way she did about him.

"Who knows about you?" He asked after a long while.

"Bruce designed the suppressants for me specifically, so he knows. I think Tony knows but he keeps yo-yo-ing that fact away from me so I can't be sure but...I really think so."

"So Tony might be knowingly sending an omega into the field. Your blockers wore off at a bad time and I think....I think..." Steve looked at her weirdly, ducking his nose into her the side of her throat.

For the first time ever, Prism arched her back and tilted her head for him-a heavenly sigh came from her throat as her Omega hormones made her respond positively.

As soon as he pulled away, she blushed pushed her hair over her shoulders. "You know that wasn't me..."

He gave an amused smirk, "I know, I know. But it was pleasant. You could be more pleasant to be around."

"So could you!" she growled, reminding him of a puffed up kitten. "I can't stay full omega and be an Avenger. I know I can save more people, I can help. I want to help!" she spoke with passion. "If word got out that I was an Omega I'd have to go I to hiding or try to find a new multiverse. The public would be in an uproar and not trust me, shame the other Alphas on the team for not knowing or accusing them all of knowing." Her voice shook and waves of distress rolled off her. "Social media would freak out, probably claim I get passed from one to the next..."

Steve pressed a kiss to her temple and made comforting sounds in his chest for her, "You're right. While I don't like the idea of sending you back in the field now that I know, I understand why you do it."

"I can help. I can save people. If I can, I should."

He nodded, rubbing his cheek on her again.

"So when we get rescued..." she began, "I'll see if Bruce will meet us on the landing zone with more blockers for you. Buck and I will keep your secret." He finished.

"Its more than that though. You can't suddenly start favoring me on missions. You both need to act like you normally would to deflect suspicion."

She felt his mood drop.

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to, please!" she begged, tugging at his heart strings with her omega tone.

"I'll try. We can always say we finally spent an extended amount of time together and mended some bridges...so the three of us don't have to bicker anymore."

She grinned a little, "Honestly, being a beta is more fun. I like the bickering just...maybe lay off a bit."

"Now that I can promise." He smiled down at her.

--

Over the next few days Bucky began to get more and more agitated as Prism's heat fully started. She did her best to rein it in but after years of avoiding it...she was struggling.

She wanted her suppressants more than either of the two males with her - no matter how much her body disagreed and pleaded with her to just pick one.

Bucky's alpha level pheromones stayed active constantly, making him act every bit an Alpha. He got possessive of Priz and even refused to let her use the bathroom without him in the ship.

She didn't like the wild look in his eyes, the predatory way he sized her up everytime he saw her.

She'd actually begun to gravitate toward Steve, finding his lack of interest in her to be safer and preferable.

One night while she was napping in the ship, feeling like she was burning alive the door opened and she was immediately alert -whimpering.

"Easy, Priz, it's just me. But we gotta go." Steve entered, looking a bit worse for wear.

"Bucky's lost it. He's gone all winter soldier again."

He hastily packed a bag and put it in her arms.

"Unless you want to be forcefully mated by The Winter Soldier I'd suggest you follow me.".

Prism leapt to her feet, flinching as her thighs disturbed the slick that coated her them. Steve flinched too as her scent bloomed now that she wasn't under a blanket anymore.

"I'm gonna make up for the past, I'm gonna keep you safe from him until his rut is over and he's Buck again."

He took her hand without thinking and helped her hustle out of the ship.

"Where is he now?" the alpha pheromones were raging in the air and it was hard to tell Bucky's rut from Steve's natural enhanced ones.

"I knocked him out over there." He pointed into the woods, "He started going feral while talking about you and I couldn't listen to it. I knew he wasn't safe to be around anymore-not right now."

"Its my fault isn't it? M-my heat triggered his rut. But I thought beta's don't get ruts? And you seem fine." She jogged to keep up with his long strides before he sighed and ducked down for her to climb on his back.

Steve ran off into the woods to put as much distance between Bucky and Priz as possible.

"Buck is a special case. He's a beta but the part of him he called the soldat is an alpha. That's why it's so easy for him to pass. In a way...he's both. So his inner alpha responded to your heat until he couldn't take it anymore and took over." He didn't comment on her claiming he was fine.

He felt guilt radiate off the omega on his back, "Its nothing you did wrong, he just hasn't been so effected by an Omega before. I don't think he's even met one since Peggy."

Everyone knew the story of Caps long lost love, who died of old age before Prism joined.

Yet, he found himself very aware of the heat pressed to his back as he carried the omega into the alien forest. This was going to be Steve's first real attempt to be a good alpha, and a big part of that was protecting omegas in danger.

Even if the danger was his best friend.

-

"It's the best way to hide your scent for a while. He's a hunting machine, Priz." The look in Steve's eyes was one of worry and embarrassment.

He was right, of course, the scent of an Omega in heat was one of the most potent and easy to track one's known to alphas. It was ingrained in their biology.

But if her heat were temporarily sated/if she took an alpha her scent would be covered for a short time, taking away Bucky's main lead.

She bit her lip nervously, knowing that it must be serious for Steve to admit he can't win cat and mouse with a beta. He wouldn't mess with her at the cost of his pride.

"You said it yourself, I'm fine. For whatever reason you don't effect me like an Omega usually would. I just want...I..." he ran his hand through his hair, stressed.

He'd never felt like this before but he wanted to protect her, not mate her.

While he couldn't find the words, she could sense that this alpha wasn't responding to her unintentional barrage of fuck me pheromones. She couldn't scent any elevated level of arousal from him at all.

If anything, he seemed reluctant.

That was enough for her to trust him.

But she knew she'd only get worse and harder to move over the next few days. They needed to get some distance between them and the Soldat before that happened.

Sighing, she nodded. "Okay. But once we get back we never speak of this again."

"Never." He agreed , casting his eyes away as she sat up and took the pants of her suit off, her scent bombarding Steve's senses but his only reaction was a half chub.

One look at her open and soaked sex told him she was more than ready. She'd been sitting against the wall with her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms locked around them, forehead on her knees with her eyes closed.

He realized she'd been fighting her own urges. He knew she didn't really want this. Hell, neither did he.

But this was for -probably- his survival and her avoiding being forcefully mated and marked by Bucky.

Steve knelt in front if her.

"Present for me, Omega." He said the magic words that's made any willing omega absolutely drip.

Prism did, getting on her hands and knees facing away from him so her waiting entrance was practically shoved in his face.

After stroking himself a few times to get fully hard, Steve used one hand to push down on her shoulder blades. She gave a compliant chirp and laid on her breasts and cheek, keeping her back arched and important bits in position. "Stay down." He growled in his alpha tone so her heat brain would force her to accept the command; thus, keeping her neck away from him.

"Yes, Alpha."

Steve's chest rumbled as he pressed himself inside until her little body swallowed him whole- inner alpha preening at the submissive mewls of pleasure that left her throat.

He kept a tight reign on himself as he grabbed her waist and started guiding her back to meet his thrusts, his eyes rolled back in pleasure at his first taste of omega pussy. His chest gave a low rumble of approval that made her eagerly meet him, trying to wiggle her hips against him.

"What is it, little one?" he asked, lightly fucking her, the term of endearment falling from his lips naturally. Most of his trepidation melted away as soon as he got the head inside and instinct began to take over.

"I...I want...I want to feel...to..." she blushed deeply, bullet silver eyes shamefully met his crystal blues with half her face pressed into the dirt. Long moonlight hair in a slightly messy Dutch braid that tumbled over her back and shook with each thrust, dangling under her.

She looked beautiful. So submissive and desperate.

"Tell alpha what you need."

He knew. He just wanted to hear her say it. Even given the circumstances, he couldn't be clinical about this like he'd hoped. It was still having sex with an omega in heat, and his inner alpha wanted to enjoy it.

Prism whimpered and tried more to wiggle against him, so he pulled half way out and paused. She let out a long whine and tried to push herself back only for his hands to tighten on her hips and keep her still. "A-alpha..." she looked like she was going to cry.

"Tell me what you need." He repeated, firmly this time.

After another whimper and needy side to side shuffle on her knees she closed her eyes in embarrassment and spit it out. "I need to feel you deep inside me, I want to feel how you stretch me."

A slightly cocky smirk crossed his lips, pride building in his chest as the omega shyly begged for him.

Lizard brain forgetting the current circumstances and that the omega in question was Priz, he shoved into her fully until he was seated as deep as he could go.

She groaned as she slid forward a bit in the dirt, brows knit. "Please...please..."

"You want me to stretch you, huh? Show you how much bigger than you I am? How strong your alpha is?"

She meweled in response, already feeling his head in her lower stomach she was sure was bulging.

He leaned to the side a little, careful not tear her but enough for her to feel how her body adjusted to accommodate him. Her moans got a little louder as he did this, making him pull a little roll of gauze from a little pocket on his suit.

"Can't have that, sorry. We're trying to avoid Bucky not call him." He quickly made a knot in the fabric and tore it into a gag, holding it out for her as he speared her.

"Open." He commanded.

Immediately she obeyed and let him tie the gauze around the back of her head with the knot in her mouth.

Steve gave a couple of experimental thrusts, biting his lip a little as he pushed in firm and slow- each one resulting in a small whimper of pleasure from the beautiful being under him.

"That's a good girl." He grunted, speeding up his deliberate movements while she melted into a moaning, whimpering, sopping wet mess. The echoes of their activities danced against the cave walls as he tried to hold in his own little growls but some slipped through.

His alpha wanted to take his time but Steve knew the sooner it was done the sooner they could get out of there. He didn't love the thought of being holed up in a cave any longer than they had to be; effectively cornered.

He gripped her hips tightly, groaning at how soft and round they were in his big calloused hands; perfect omega his instincts purred.

"Gotta finish up, Priz. Then we've gotta get going." His voice was a little strained as he neared his end, hammering away.

Unable to resist, he grabbed her braid and pulled back on it making her moan into the gag as her head was forced back baring her neck but keeping it out of reach as she stayed planted on her chest.

Prism's face was half covered in dirt, hair messily sticking out on one side by her face. Even still, in the moment, Steve thought she was gorgeous.

He gave a few extra hard thrusts, watching as her body bounced in recoil before burying himself as deep as he could and groaning as his fingernails left crescent marks in her flesh.

Her face crumpled in pleasure as his release triggered hers, making his roll straight into another round of spurts as he ground into her, pressing his thighs flush with her backside as he shuttered, eyes closed as he lost himself in the moment. "Fuck." He groaned.

Steve clenched his jaw as he felt his fangs elongate, instincts urging him to mark the omega but he refrained partially due to his thinking ahead and making her stay out of reach.

Wasting no time, he pulled out and righted himself. "Get ready." He grunted somewhat awkwardly, making her head clear mere seconds later.

Blushing furiously, Prism took her gag out and used the cloth to clean herself a bit before pulling her pants back up and shoving herself to her feet.

Her legs shook slightly, and she braced herself on the wall for a moment to steady herself while Cap scouted the entrance.

"Lets go."

She nodded and ran beside him while they took off onto the alien forest again.

"Any idea how far he is?" Prism asked after another couple of miles.

Due to how close Bucky and Steve were, and the subsequent pack bond they had, the blonde was very aware. Even in alpha Soldat mode, Bucky couldn't truly hide his presence from him.

"He's at the cave now, probably scoping it out and about to be even more pissed off when he finds that gauze and realizes what we're doing."

"And what we did."

He snorted a small laugh, "Yeah, Alpha Buck is gonna be furious he lost first dibs."

Prism glared and gave him a small shove as she walked beside him, "I wish I could punch you for saying that."

Steve smirked down at her, knowing her Omega hormones wouldn't let her assault an alpha, much less the one who's cum she was currently full of. If anything, she'd probably end up sweet on him for a bit after this was all over.

She wouldn't be able to help it.

Luckily, there was no risk of breeding without a mating mark on both parties involved so at least that wasn't a concern.

They had enough to worry about.

"I'm sure you'll punch me at your earliest convenience, omega." He teased.

"You're damn right." She snickered, fully intending on decking him when she got back on her blockers.

"Good to have you back, Priz." He chuckled, glad to see she was almost as bitey an omega as she was a beta. With her primal omega brain sated for the time being, her true self was peaking through.

Other than being less violent, she was largely the same.

Steve wondered why this pleased him.

Nonetheless, it did.

--

A couple of hours later, Steve stiffened just before Prism whimpered and clutched her lower stomach. "Ahh...." He looked back in time to see her face crumble in pain as a cramp tore through her.

"I did not miss this." She complained, "I thought...ugh..." she flinched, "I thought it would last longer."

Steve sighed, "You're in unmated omega in heat traveling alone with an alpha. Your body metabolized my-" she cut him off by clearing her throat.

He rolled his eyes, "What I gave you," she nodded to indicate this re-phrasing was acceptable, "And now that you're empty again, it's asking for a refill."

"Demanding is more like it." She groaned in pain, wiping sweat off her forehead as she walked a little slower, falling a bit behind.

"You really don't know much about omega biology, do you?"

"That thing I've been fighting against since day one in your multiverse? No, I can't say I do." She sassed, brows furrowing as another cramp hit and her leg gave out.

In a flash, she found herself face to chest with Steve as he caught her. Surrounded by his scent, she couldn't help but melt against him.

"P-Priz..." he sighed again, tapping her butt lightly. "Hop up. I'll carry you until I can find somewhere to...take care of you." His chest fluttered when the needy little thing climbed him and wrapped her legs around his torso like a baby monkey, arms around his neck and head on his shoulder-adorable.

He shook his head slightly to clear the thought. Be a good alpha, Steve, protect the omega from the rival.

The danger.

Yeah. The danger, that's what he meant.

Her pheromones were stronger this time, and he was having a difficult time keeping his head. The thought of her being savagely mated by the soldat cleared some of the fog from his brain as he reminded himself the omega was depending on him.

His inner alpha puffed up his chest at the reminder that he was being trusted.

Resolve strengthened, Steve was able to ignore Prism who began to helplessly scent him, breathing in his scent deeply while he carried her through the forest- clenching his jaw when she started to nip at him; a common way for Omega's to ask for their alpha's attention.

"Stop it." He commanded, needing to stay focused. Prism whined but obeyed, purring slightly when he softly pressed her nose back into his neck. "Scent only."

"Yes, Alpha."

He carried her to the bottom of a cliff side, feeling Bucky moving faster now that he was fueled by jealousy.

Prism refused to let go when he tried to put her down so he laid her down on her back, undoing his pants with one hand.

Omega brain was pleased her alpha accepted her and let go of him long enough to push her pants to her ankles. She ignored the rocks under her and focused on the alpha on top of her.

Her knees fell open wide, presenting to him the best she could in the position he'd put her in.

Steve's chest rumbled as his eyes took her on from head to toe, quickly lining himself up and sinking into her. As her mouth opened, he cursed and covered her mouth with his hand to muffle her moan.

He tapped her hip, "Hands behind, lift for me."

She gave a little chirp and did as he said, putting him at an angle that made his tip kiss her cervix.

He took her hard and fast, each thrust making her gasp at the feeling with the occasional, "Alpha!" into his hand as she squeezed him.

Sweat beaded on his forehead while he supported himself on his one arm, a feat of strength not missed by the quivering omega.

"Gonna fill you so deep you're gonna feel it slosh inside you." He growled, getting closer as she met his eyes with her own silver pools of lust. "Would you like that, omega?"

Steve took his hand off her mouth to grip the sides of her throat, lifting one of her legs for leverage as he rutted into her roughly.

"...need your cum, Alpha!" She panted, cheeks pink.

He shoved himself into her until he hit a wall, moaning as he lifted her off the ground slightly by one leg to really get in there in hopes to sate her for longer. He squeezed her throat tighter as he shot rope after rope deep into her, making her give a choked moan as she milked him for all he had.

She whimpered slightly as the Captain withdrew, he smirked with primal satisfaction in his eyes when he saw nothing was dripping out of her.

He turned away while they both righted themselves again. He helped her to her feet and handed her a meal bar from his backpack, getting one for himself too.

"Not idea for your situation b-" "Nothing about this situation is ideal, Cap." She cut him off with a grin. He chuckled, "You're not wrong."

"But I do want to thank you for...doing this for me. I know we don't..." "We're cats and dogs." He finished quickly. "Cats and dogs that's a good way to put it!"

They shared a laugh for possibly the first time ever, both consciously quieting down before they got too loud.

Covering her scent wouldn't make the Soldat lose them entirely - not by a long shot- but it did slow him down as his easiest and quickest trail marker was taken away.

"You're welcome, by the way." He said once they finished. "What you said the other day really...woke me up." He looked away from her, walking beside her. "The fact that you'd rather die in pain than ask me to help you heal...your Captain or alpha should be the first person you go to if you're injured." He stopped at a huge fallen log and dropped to one knee with his hands in a basket, tossing Prism over the large tree before climbing over himself and dropping down first while she hesitated.

"Fly down. We've gotta go."

She shook her head. "I can't. As long as I'm in heat my magic is useless."

"Biology sure is a bitch." He held his arms out to her.

"Ain't it? Programmed to be a damsel in distress." she gave a small smile before sitting on the top of the tree and sliding into his arms. "That's why I need my blockers as soon as possible. I wanna kick ass, Steve." She whined like a child, pouting.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, a grin playing on his lips.

"And I owe you a punch. Don't think I forgot."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Bon." He patted the top of her head, smirking as she accepted it, though she pouted the entire time.

Adorable.

W-what?

Gotta be from the sex. We're just a little sweet on each other from the sex and hormones. It'll pass. He told himself.

--

They managed to walk for several more hours after that, her body remained sated and thus her scent had dulled.

The sky darkened much like it did on Earth and the Captain found them somewhere to sleep. "He knew even Bucky would have to rest some time, and at the rate he'd been pursuing them he had to be tired by now.

When Steve focused, he became aware of Bucky's slow and relaxed heart rate, telling him he was correct.

He found them another cave for the night, frowning when she asked if they could have a fire. Unfortunately, the light and smoke would give away their position.

Steve leaned against the wall facing the entrance with his shield beside him, using his backpack as a pillow.

"Fine. I'm tired anyway." She grumbled, immediately stomping over and dropping to lay half on him, curled under his arm.

"You might need another top up before bed."

"What makes you say that?"

"You're a cum drunk omega, Priz. You adore me, we're actually getting along...it's not you." He chuckled.

She tch-ed and pinched him, blushing as she felt the muscle of his abdomen.

"Backfire?" he grinned confidently down at her, rubbing up and down her forearm softly despite his teasing.

"Fuck you, Rogers."

"That's my girl." She preened at his words of praise. "And my offer." He caught her eye and winked.

She met his cocky gaze with a glare, "I'm not cramping. I don't need it."

"Give it a minute. I can smell you again."

Sure enough, not long later her body got hot and her core grew slick. She doubled over as her body punished her for allowing her supply to run out, cramping again like a chainsaw to the stomach.

"I told you so."

She growled, stopping as soon as he reached for her. She let him sit her in his lap, knee on either side.

After another shuffle of clothing, Steve grabbed her bare hips and lead her to slowly lower herself on to him. Her face crumpled slightly as she felt her channel widen to take him to the root. He groaned, "S-shit...Priz..." he blushed and threw his head back, breathing hard.

He leaned her forward and scooted down a little, hammering into her from below while firmly grasping her thighs. The V-neck of the top of her super suit showed her plush breasts nearly falling out and into his face as he did this, each thrust making them jiggle.

It didn't take long for him to flip them over so she was on her back. He put her legs on his shoulders this time, lifting her butt off the dirt floor by gripping those broad hips he'd never been more attracted to.

He couldn't believe he'd never suspected anything before, because now that he'd become more aware of the shape of her body she was very much built like an Omega.

Beta girls were usually built more straight on the sides, taller and naturally more toned. They also definitely did not have impractically sized breasts like Omegas- in the back of his mind he assumed she must strap them down on most missions for convenience and for the sake of her beta charade.

Being in heat, she'd decided to forgo that for now- her chest was too sensitive for that much pressure.

Steve grunted above her, watching her greedy body take him again and again, he could vaguely see the sides of his cock glistening with her juices each time he retreated. His fangs elongated again as he got closer, baby blues flicking up to see her cover her own mouth as her moans and whimpers got louder.

"Gonna make you so full, omega. Are you ready for alpha's cum?" his voice was slightly unhinged as he squeezed her legs.

"Need your cum, Alpha." She panted, uncovering her mouth for a moment to say it.

"You're gonna be a good girl for me and take it all. I'm gonna flood your womb with my cum and you're gonna thank me for it, understand?"

"Yes, Alpha!" she chirped, one hand fisted the dirt while the other reclamped over her mouth.

Steve couldn't help the growl that came from his throat as he shoved in as deeply as possible and shuttered, burst after burst pumped into her- body taking it deep inside as it squeezed him like biology demanded.

Prism moaned into her hand as her eyes fluttered and back arched as her body tightened.

"F-fuuuuck..." he groaned as he slowed his thrusts, trying to make sure as much as possible would stay inside- buying them more time before they had to sate her again.

Somewhat sweaty, the alpha pulled out with a small grunt as the head popped out of her tight channel.

"What do you say, Omega?" he asked before her fog could lift.

"Thank you alpha."

He smirked, sense of superiority scratched, and they put themselves away.

"Don't make me thank you for it like that." She wrinkled her nose as she curled up under his arm without a second thought.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how would you like to thank me?" He winked before laughing as she smacked his pec with a playful glare.

"You know what I mean."

"Omega brain likes it, and means it."

"It doesn't count when I'm in heat. It's out of my control."

Steve sighed dramatically, "I guess that's fair." He rested his cheek on the top of her head and they fell asleep for the night.

--

The next few days went much the same. A few close calls when they'd slept late and the Soldat got a too little close for comfort, but they managed to loop back to their crashed ship- arriving the day after her heat ended.

With Prism back to normal, normal for an Omega at least, Bucky also returned to his normal Beta self.

He apologized for his behavior over and over, promising them he'd never speak of this if they didn't.

Prism and Steve lost the brief pseudo-mate bonding they'd developed and returned to the status-quo; with a few modifications.

As they agreed, the bickering continued as normal between the males and the female at her request for things to remain as normal as possible.

--

The night before the rescue party would arrive, Prism was on watch since her magic returned as her heat left. She sat on the cliff top overlooking the camp where her team mates lay sleeping.

With a frown on her lips, she stepped off the cliff and flew down to them silently.

Using her Omega pheromones, she was able to soothe them and keep them soundly asleep as she approached. They lay fairly close to each other, side by side.

Prism knew they slept together occasionally so it was no surprise they looked like they'd been spooning not too long ago.

It played out to her benefit anyway.

She knelt between them by their heads and hovered her hands over them, silver and pastel purple magic cast an ethereal glow across her features, hair shimmering.

Under the shadows of night, Prism re-wrote their memories the mission. Every trace of their knowledge of her secret was gone and filled with mundane ones. She even synced all of their memories that included the other so they'd remember things the same.

As far as Steve and Bucky were concerned, this crash landing was uneventful and not particularly memorable.

Her secret was safe.

[flippythegodzilla]

Flippy’s Review of Bendy and the Dark Revival! Spoilers below

I absolutely love it! The game, the lore, everything. It was definitely worth the wait since we got all chapters at once and didn’t have to wait months or years on end for the next chapter.

So my thoughts about the game.

Bendy and the Ink Demon being the same person. Completely and utterly glad for it. If they had made the Demon and Bendy different people that would have ruined it. Especially if it was because of Wison. The Ink Demon was the first and only Bendy they could make., no matter how much Joey wanted Thomas and Gent o try again, they could not make another Bendy. I’m a little iffy on how Wilson and the Keepers forced Bendy into his smaller form when Joey nor Gent could... I guess it was because of the rainbow colors towers that Gent made that Wilson used but I wonder how he got them. I understand that Wilson somehow changed the story in the Cycle but how did he put them in there. Did Joey have them and if he did, why didn’t Joey use them when he was going through his redemption arc to give Henry a better life in the Cycle?

Audrey, girl I love you I hope you return. Gosh this girl she just...she has so many emotions. And the way she was so kind to Allison and Baby Benders. You could hear how sorry she was for accidently hurting Bendy. I will say that I don’t like her being a half Ink Creature. I’m totally fine with her being Drew’s daughter. My theories were, she was either Joey’s or Henry’s but I rather her be a human before she went into the studio than an Ink Creature since the beginning. Because now I’m wondering how Joey made her. Its said that the Machine needed souls to create cartoons, and ones that fit the characters perfectly. Like Buddy Boris and Allison Alice... and even if they aren’t becoming cartoons they would end up like Sammy and the Lost Ones, or worse the Searchers. I would have enjoyed it more if Audrey was his daughter but a human, maybe from a one-night stand or from a divorce. If you want to still go on the redemption arc (I didn’t really enjoy that, I loved loved loved it when Beast Bendy crushed that memory of Joey, it’s what he deserves) of Joey instead of Allison it was Audrey coming to visit her dad. Audrey who has no idea what her dad has done over the years, the murders he did and just seeing the good in him, wanting to hear his funny but scary stories which she had no idea were really true.

Oh and Allison and Henery just being copies. I could had done without as well. I love my old man Henry; glad he was in the game but also sad that he isn’t free...and can never be free. All those times I played Bendy and the Ink Machine, trying to find a secret ending that would allow me to get Henry out and learning that it was all for nothing. Because Henry isn’t the real one but a fake copy. While I’m glad the real Henry is free, I’m sad that the old dad that I grew in love with can never be free because he belongs in that world. I hope that Audrey can make the Ink World a better place, at least for Henry.

Now back to my boy the Ink Demon. The Meatly and team knew what they were doing when they gave him that voice and that body. The way he and Audrey reacted with each other...the way my fucking monsterfucker ass reacted...damn. Note to those who see Audrey and the Ink Demon as siblings. I do not and never will. Audrey is Joey’s daughter but in my eyes the Ink Demon will never be Joey’s child. Not with how he treated Bendy and the fact that Bendy is a being made of ink and demonic magic? No relationship between Bendy and Audrey in my eyes instead of possessive boyfriend who may eat you. So if I ship Audrey with the Ink Demon I better not get any flake from those who see them as siblings. You have your headcanons I have mine. Anyway while i wish they kept how Bendy hunted us down, wish there was more times for him to hunt us. More times where I can fucking simp for his voice and his body...D E V O U R  M E  D A D D Y! 

I wish Buddy Boris was there..maybe he could had shown up in the city, maybe try to warn Audrey that Bendy wasn’t what he seem. I know there was some scenes where you could seen him walk by but I wish she had more of an active role in the game. Heck I wish that not all the Lost Ones were so violent...like not all of them should had sided with Wilson! The city should have been a safe place until you went to Gent. Like...maybe even have a point in the game that Boris frees Henry and Sammy and they have to go save Audrey from the Keepers who put her in a cage or something, allowing you to play as Henry one more time. But before they could save her she gets captured by Malice. That way we wouldn’t have poor Audrey still beilieve in fucking Wilson. My really only nitpick about the game. Audrey still believed in that creep Wilson. I would had liked it more if the Ink people on Wilson’s side were actually hunting Audrey down, and they do capture her at one point instead of going...oh Audrey still trustes this guy even though he killed her! Like...no girl your smarter than that he’s creepy someone get her outta of there!

Other than those few things I completely love the new game, 8/10 in my option and I can’t wait to get game once it comes out on console so I can play the game myself. I only been watching people play it on stream (my computer will kill me if I even tried to play games on it) and I’m very excited when it comes out on console (please be Xbox please be Xbox) I’m once again drowining in the Ink of Joey Drew Studios and can’t wait to see what’s more in store, since it seems that Gent finally has the Machine now

[procyongaaay]

As someone currently heavily pregnant (34 weeks) with a very much wanted baby... All of this.

Miscarriages are really common. I had 3 early miscarriages before this pregnancy.

It's normal to take a while to get pregnant. So much sex Ed focuses on how not to get pregnant that a lot of people think they're broken if they're trying for a baby for 6 cycles and haven't gotten pregnant yet. Yes there's chances of getting pregnant but it doesn't happen right away. On average it takes a year to successfully conceive if you're in your 20s, 2 years if you're in your 30s, and potentially longer in your 40s, though what kind of shape you're in at that point will likely have more impact than specific age at that point. That's the minimum time you've had to be trying for before they'll start looking for fertility issues most of the time.

I've suspected I've had SPD for a few months but I've had multiple drs hand wave it away as "probably just round ligament pain". Like no I have that too and I know what that feels like it's not the same. I've got a connective tissue disorder that makes things like SPD much more common... And it's not that uncommon to begin with.

And absolutely the thing about being treated like a vessel for the baby is a thing... Like I went into the ER with bad abdominal pain in upper right quadrant and a few other symptoms that were worryingly similar to preeclampsia. They checked on baby and did a urine test and said it's not baby related so you're good to go home. Might be a gall bladder issue or maybe a kidney infection, but it's not going to hurt baby so don't worry about it. Like ok??? If it's gall bladder or kidney related maybe let's look at treating that? Do some blood tests? Anything? Nope. Just sent home with Tylenol and told if it gets bad again go to someone else and get an ultrasound on my gallbladder to see if I have gall stones or the like.

And I've been bugging my dr to get an ultrasound on kiddo for weeks because I'm supposed to have one at week 32, but they didn't want to give me one for literally no reason? Like baby is showing signs he might come early, and we were told that he might be early because he's big (97th percentile at anatomy scan at 24 weeks), but when I brought that up I was told "well a lot can change in 10 weeks, he might not be that big". Ok and? You know how well know? Do the god damn ultrasound. My spouse needs to give work notice if kiddo comes early. They need minimum 2 weeks advance notice to change dates of parental leave. And if kiddo is gonna be early we need to know. So yeah I know there's no guarantee he's gonna be early. But that doesn't mean we don't need to know if he is. My family is predisposed to really big babies. I've had several blood relatives born in the 10-12lb range, and none under 8lbs. Chances are he's gonna be a big baby. Maybe big enough C section may be necessary. And if so *we need to know ahead of time* and it's rediculous that I need to fight them on this. The only reason I was able to convince them to send me in for an ultrasound this time was because I've not done my glucose challenge yet (been too sick to do it mostly) and depending on results of that it can affect baby's growth, so they finally gave in and are giving me the ultrasound. But yeah none of my reasons for wanting an ultrasound matter apparently. V frustrating... And tbh this is the much better dr. I've already switched drs once because my previous dr was a dismissive ass, and these guys are much better, and even they have some issues tbh.

But all that to say. You never realize how much everything is till you experience. Pregnancy is really fucking hard on your body. Birth even more so. But even just pregnancy is exhausting and painful. Like having a flu for 40 weeks plus having a little creature inside you that starts moving and kicking your organs halfway through, then tries to kill you on its way out. Human pregnancy is extremely parasitic even compared to the vast majority of mammals, and the arms race between very parasitic offspring and the parents body's need to survive is why we have lower fertility rates than most animals, and why we menstruate when most mammals don't. Our entire species has been shaped by how hard pregnancy is, but people still pretend it's nothing and easy and a beautiful miracle and that anyone who says otherwise is just ungrateful... It's really rediculous.

And it's still worth it. But it's not something I would ever push on someone against their will. If there's one thing that's cemented my pro-choice stances more than anything else in my life, it's the experience of being pregnant myself. I chose this. I wanted this. I can't wait to meet our son and see what kind of amazing human he's gonna be. But it's not easy. It's not fun. And i can't imagine someone being forced into this when they don't want/can't care for a baby that'd be so incredibly fucked up. I live in a country where thankfully that's not a worry but it's still so utterly fucked up to even think about.

And for the people who try to say shit like "oh well you can always put the baby up for adoption etc"... Imagine if someone was like hey so there's a chance that someone else could maybe live if you crash your car into this wall going 50kph (throw back to that moderate car crash), and oh btw, you now have no choice, you have to crash your car even if the other person is already dead because if you didn't you'd be a murderer and be charged for it. Make it make sense!

the thing is like. i get that it's scary and makes people who do desire to get pregnant uncomfortable when we talk about the brutality and violence of pregnancy and the damage that pregnancy can do to your body

but you deserve to give informed consent to that process.

the lies around pregnancy - that it's inherently safe, that it doesn't do you permanent damage, that it's only extremely rare for people to die of pregnancy complications, etc like

all of these are lies constructed so that more people will get pregnant w/o knowing all that

there needs to be more talk about the impact of miscarriages and how common they are, how different abortion processes are and how accessible they are

but also like. talking about how pregnancy fucks your body up should not be taboo

this is a process that permanently changes most people's bodies, and that's even if the pregnancy doesn't do them like. severe illness or injury

and i just think everybody should have a right to KNOW that

bc to live in a society that intentionally obscures and hides facts about a completely optional and dangerous process does so for a reason, and that reason is based in a very sinister ideology that does not value bodily autonomy or informed consent

[ijustwantedtobeoneofthestrokesuk]

Nu Rave v Nu Grave

East London

Trends don’t happen overnight, they form over a series of circumstances that evolve into a movement. After a period of ‘bands’ drugs (mostly ecstasy) and the Hacienda saw the likes of The Stone Roses and New Order create music to dance to which seamlessly led to acid house and rave culture before dance music became part of the mainstream and eventually saturarised then returned to the underground. A similar cycle happened in the mid-2000’s thanks to the influx of indie discos, ecstasy (the affordable drug) again and the influence of Erol Alkan who was remixing indie tracks with electro beats. Klaxons came along to bridge the gap. 

After so many bands flooding the (landfill) indie scene it was inevitable that something needed to change or it would just become stale. Erol wasn’t the only one making indie danceable, there was Hot Chip dropping bangers while James Ford of Simian Mobile Disco was living between both worlds as we became producer and key collaborator for Arctic Monkeys and Foals, not forgetting the New York party scene, powered by DFA. There was a new sub-culture creeping in, suddenly it was ok for indie kids to like dance music. Simian and French electro duo J.U.S.T.I.C.E. created We Are Your Friends which is a straight-up electro-pop hit but it was fllling dance floors at the indie discos. This then opened up the doors for more Ed Banger artists to London’s hedonistic nightlife.  

Nu Rave was another scene created by the NME. Klaxons might have been the ones to bring day-glo and synth-heavy guitar pop to Shoreditch but it was the NME who built a global scene around them. There wasn’t other versions of Klaxons in London, NME had to search the globe to source similar artists with the same vision but, in reality, it was just a fad featuring the likes of CSS (Brazil), Shitdisco (Glasgow), Sunshine Underground (Leeds), Shy Child (New York), Gossip (Arkansas) and Crystal Castles (Toronto).  

Klaxons

Klaxons rise was fast but calculated and they had a mad couple of years. Jamie Reynolds was 25 when he formed the band with James Righton (22) and Simon Taylor-Davis (23), they had been in bands before, had friends in the industry, they weren’t naive teens who got lost in the hysteria, well, not in the beginning. The trio loved the indie scene but, they also loved rave culture too so they took influences from both, jammed together and wrote the majority of the first album quickly.  

They went shopping for brightly coloured clothes, not just for themselves but for friends who would come along to the early gigs so it looked like they’d already got a scene going on which made them much more marketable.  

Their debut album, Myths Of The Near Future, released in January 2007 reached no.2 in the UK album chart, won the Mercury Prize and took home Best Album at the NME Awards. Weirdly, they also performed at the Brits with Rihanna. But that was where it peaked for the band who couldn’t recreate the excitement on the 2 albums that followed.  

The ‘Nu Rave’ scene might have been a trend but its legacy lived long as it helped EDM go on to become the big thing in the 2010’s. Bands had a good decade, beats were back. 

Electro was the hipster sub-genre of EDM and its pioneers (Daft Punk, Justice and Ed Banger Records) might be French but London’s club nights (particularly Trash) and the indie electro remixes helped electro become cool again.

Nu Grave (apparently…)

We have learnt that the NME love to create genres but “Nu Grave” was just an opportunity to sell tickets for their annual tour. At that same time that Klaxons were turning up to warehouse parties in East London with neon and glowsticks, The Horrors were there in black. The Horrors sounded darker and heavy, but not heavy like a Kerrang! band. They were loud and intense, influenced by ‘60’s pop, ‘60’s psychedelic, Northern Soul and Neils Children. 

The Horrors

Conor McNicholas “When The Horrors turned up with an almost unlistenable first album, that was amazing for me, they said great things, arrived with a manifesto and looked brilliant. They worked really hard and collaborated with you to produce great visuals, the music was challenging, it wasn’t boring, you couldn’t ignore that band.  

Rhys from The Horrors did work experience at the NME on the photo desk. He then went off and did his own thing in Southend. They went from 4 rehearsals, 2 gigs in Southend, picked up by a label and on the cover of the NME in a matter of weeks. Nobody worked as hard and fast The Horrors at the time. The Horrors were signed to Loog Records, part of Polydor/Universal, James Oldham, who ‘discovered’ The Strokes and Stripes left the NME to start Loog. He signed The Horrors and their unlistenable album, it sold alright for an indie but useless for Universal who dropped them straight away. They went to XL and produced a stunner.“

In 2005 Faris (Rotter) Badwan moved to London when he was 17 and ended up living with Tom Cowan and his brother Freddie (who went on to be the guitarist in The Vaccines). They bonded over psychedelic’ 60’s records and Junk, a club night in Southend, organised by Rhys Webb which Tom DJ’d at with Joe Spurgeon while Joshua Hayward was also from Southend and they were all friends who started playing together in 2005.  

The Horrors weren’t everybody’s cup of tea, their debut album, Strange House (2007) was loud and chaotic, driven by youthful energy. They wore the clothes that were in their wardrobe (black) and their shows were ‘lively’. A scene naturally grew, boys went from eyeliner to covering more of their face in black makeup, hair got bigger and wardrobes got darker. The band wasn’t for the radio, they could be provocative, they became a cult band.  

After touring Strange House the band went into the studio to record some demos however, they weren’t exactly what the record label was hoping for. They were looking for something ‘radio-friendly’ (did they hear Strange House? What were they expecting?) and dropped them. Within weeks they were picked up by XL and the first single from Primary Colours, Sea Within A Sea wasn’t like anything on the debut album and it got played on the radio. This was just the start of The Horrors becoming a very different band to the one that exploded into a scene that was organically created around them.  

The Horrors calmed down on their second album Primary Colours (May 2009) which was influenced by shoegaze and with that came S.C.U.M, Toy, Chapel Club and White Lies. This sound can still be heard years later with the likes of Tame Impala and The National, to an extent. 

For a band that aren’t mainstream and unwilling to compromise, they have continued to creep into the top 10 with their albums, Skying (2011), Luminous (2014) and V (2017). 

NEXT CHAPTER

[wherevermybiketakesme]

The Last 98 Days

It was still drizzling outside. I put on the rain jacket, got out of the house, and pedaled my way out of the quiet street of Kanayakan and into Dago. It was 9:41 PM, the roads were wet. Glad I wore sandals.

I picked up the Aspero from Bikesystem earlier this morning but I didn't want it to get dirty for tomorrow's morning ride with the homies so I went with Marina again tonight, this time going to the part of the city in the east, down Dipati Ukur, into Supratman, Ahmad Yani and Kiaracondong.

Here it is, the wet season begins now. The day of the equinox might turn out to be the last day without rain. We were blessed to have such nice mellow weather during our ride on Sunday, the whole way from Bandung to Batukaras. Not too hot, didn't rain either.

For few years now, ever since I took up cycling, I get more attuned to the change of weather. I recognize that my outing depends on this natural rhythm. I think being able to engage with this is not a small thing. Nature is a text for those who are literate and I'm just beginning to learn. Now I can tell the monsoon season is near because the Tabebuia tree next door has shed all the yellow flowers, so bright in the summer, and is now sprouting its slender leaves against the overcast sky. The mahoganies, after shedding their leaves in the heat of the dry season, are growing lush once again. Thus, the cycle of life on the equator.

As monsoon is approaching fast, let me lament on something about the dry season that always takes me captive: those moments when you ride through some streets lined with trees, the wind sweeps in, sending flurries of leaves falling like confetti. Suddenly, for just a brief instant, you're filled with so much joy, the kind that brings with it a hint of sadness, adding depth in a swirl of emotions inside your chest, much like the leaves caught in the wind, some of them touching your cheeks. And then, just as quickly, everything passes. You get on to the next moments.

Don’t get me wrong, I love wet season. It’s V’s favorite time of year. I love how the morning air feels so pure, so fresh, especially after a night of rain. Malabar looks even bluer in the south, with streaks of clouds wrapping around its slopes.

I realized I went too far south when I found myself reaching Soekarno-Hatta highway. I set the route on my Wahoo to take me home. It eventually took me through Buah Batu, Karapitan, Sunda, and then the main road of Ir. H. Djuanda.

I know that this is only the second day but I have doubts about keeping the streak, with the change of weather, the full time job, the side gigs, and everything in between. Riding the bike is one thing. Writing something about it is another. But I keep holding on to what Rilke said in his letters to Mr. Kappus, it goes something like: don't blame the world if you find it boring. Blame yourself because you lack imagination.

There must be something to wonder and write about, if you're careful and pay attention.

Bandung, September 25, 2024

[thejesusmaninred]

"The Divorce." From Mark 10: 1-7.

The words for wine press gatt and divorce, gett in Hebrew are very similar. Both are integral to what is called the Gether, or Cycle of the Winepress, in which we now find ourselves in this Tenth Chapter or Tenth Degree of the Gospel of Saint Mark. The Tenth Degree is called #623, איןק, or "incorporation."

So at this stage of the whir, which is another way the Torah Hebrew explains it, Jesus discusses the latter, the one called the divorce.

Divorce

10 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.

4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’[a] 

7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[b] 8 and the two will become one flesh.’[c] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

The above is an extreme departure from how the world has viewed the following words which have become the scourge of same sex couples for billions of years. The discussion below pertains not to sex and marriage but the ways the words and the flesh become one via a proper understanding of the many and varied ways the Hebrew language interacts with itself. One including the fact the gender dimension of certain words greatly impacts their final definition.

Let us look first at the rubric to the section, which states Jesus changed regions or "aspects of the animal nature". He moves from Judea to across the Jordan. In Torah terms locations, genders, up, down, north or south all of these elements combine to create the final messaging of the scripture called a Gemara, "or thinned out response" but first what is done is called a Mishnah, "or fattening up" which is what we are doing here. There simply is no way to understand Christianity, Judaism or Islam without knowing how Mishnah and Gemara are done starting with v. 1:

Crowds came: Crowds are irrational fears that exist between classes of people. We know this was a huge problem in Rome it is a gigantic one in the USA and elsewhere because the government will not protect our dignity or human rights from religious diabolics. Jesus spoke exhaustively about the importance of this:

"The noun οχλος (ochlos) means crowd or rather a dynamic multitude. It lives on in English in words like "ochlophobia" (an irrational fear of crowds) and "ochlocracy" (a mob-rule; a government by the wild populace, as opposed to the carefully structured people of a democracy). It stems from an ancient Proto-Indo-European root "wegh-", meaning to move or transport per vehicle — hence also words like way, away, always, convey, convoy, deviate, envoy, pervious, previous, trivial, vector, vehement, vehicle, vex, via, vogue, voyage, wagon, wave, wiggle, and even the name Norway.

Our word emphasizes both movement and multitudinousness, and was on rare occasions used to express annoyance or trouble (see the verb οχλεω, ochleo below). Otherwise, it was used pretty much the same as its English counterpart. It occurs mostly in the singular to indicate a whole bunch of moving-about people, but in plural it denotes huge thronging masses (either consisting of crowds or adding up to one: Matthew 13:2). On occasion it's used to discriminate between aristocracy and the "common crowd" (Matthew 14:5, John 7:12)."

The Value in Gematria is טבבט‎, tabbat, "the claimant."

Jesus is setting himself up as a plaintiff who is suing the government for the sake of the greater good, and the crowd is gathering to hear the case.

Recall Abraham and Sarah are the basis for civilized governments. If these two divorce we are in very big trouble. So Jesus sues, saying they have to stay together, lest ye be hard hearted.

v. 2-4: Some Pharisees came. Pharisees are scientists that study the interactions of social problems with the law. All of us think like Pharisees. Whether or not we find what we are looking for in the religion is another matter.

How the question is posed in Judaism is as important as how it is answered. In this case I keep whittling away at the verse by building it or performing a Mishnah to fluff up the words a bit more. This is absolutely necessary in order to cross the language barriers and filter out centuries of interpretation and create a modern Gemara:

They questioned and provided a ratoinale for their current understanding. Like us they think Moses would be willing to grant a divorce.

A divorce decree as I said is called a gett. In Judaism, a divorce decree is called a get (or ghet), and it is a document that ends a Jewish marriage. The get is a 12-line document written in Aramaic by a scribe, and it is presented by the husband to his wife. The get includes a short declaration that states, "You are hereby permitted to all men". 

"I am?"

"She is!"

This does not mean we have to leave the old bag for a new one, it means we are pressing forward. This is a big world and there is lots to learn. Moses was telling the people not to become attached to one way of listening or learning. So, a divorce can be good.

The number is 10366, יג‎וו, yagwa, "to find the serenity of God."

5. Because your hearts were hard. A hard heart is one that is underdeveloped, unenlightened, self-absorbed, selfish, uncouth, toxic, habitually self-destructive.

None of these things are found on the Ephod, the qualities God said must eventually be found within a student of the Torah. Should one attempt this, one will realize God did not alienate Adam from Eve or Eve from the rest of mankind.

The Number is 9490, טדץ‎,tadtz, "will compress." Just like the grape is compressed to produce the wine.

As I said above, the gender of the words must be mushed together with the rest of the definition in order to come up with the Gemara. There is no such thing as sexism in the Torah. This Jesus is trying to emphasize in this discussion with the Pharisees:

v. 7-9: What God has joined together let no man separate. The Number is 11868, hiacho, "L'Chaim", "Cheers."

The Law and the laws forbid the government from playing a role in the difficulties of others. This is what is really meant by a divorce and its bizarre analog in the Gospel called "incorporation."

We have a lot of work to do- Donald Trump and the Republican Party and their terrorist pit crews at Christian Broadcasting and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Church of England, the Catholic Church, the Family Researh Council and all the seminaries all of it have to be burnt to stubble as recompense for the evil they have done in the eyes of the Lord if we are to claim to believe in and understand the Torah of the Gospel.

Verily, no matter what we say we recognize the importance of this statement, of how companies can fire employees, employees can quit, but people cannot be too separate from their governments.

[favouritecyclistpoll]

Semi-Finals, Match Two: Matej Mohorič v. Jonas Vingegaard

Matej Mohorič Propaganda

Jonas Vingegaard Propaganda

He is CUTE, he is SMOL, he has a CUTE NOSE and FRECKLES and EYES AS BLUE AS THE ENDLESS SKY---

OK no but seriously, he's amazing. As absurd as it can sound since this is one of the best riders in the world, he's always the underdog in people's minds. Somehow, no one ever thinks "OK I think Jonas is going to win this stage today", and when he does, they're like "OK he won but he still wasn't out of this world, it's because the others were having a bad day", and when he has a stellar day they're like "HE'S DOPING FOR SURE". It's like nothing he ever does is good enough and YET he doesn't give a fuck and keeps performing despite the pressure.

Being consistently good when everyone expects you to win is talent, but being consistently good when everyone hopes you'll lose is something else too.

And he's an incredible human being to boot. He's kind, he's compassionate, he's sensitive, he doesn't have a mean bone in him, he's affectionate, thoughtful. Remember that time during TdF 2022 when he asked Grischa to tell him if he could slow down at the end of the TT to let Wout win the stage? Yeah. He's that kind of guy.

More under the cut:

He's a crier. It's cute and it makes me want to hug him. He loves his family and he always has a good word for his rivals and he's humble and I relate so much to his introverted personality and he's a cinnamon roll and a cutie patootie. But when he puts on his sunglasses, he looks like A WAR MACHINE.

(but a cute one)

He got a lot of heat when he didn't wait for Sepp on the Angliru during this Vuelta, only the instructions of the team before that clusterfuck stage were to battle it out between them and he probably liked it even less than us because he wanted Sepp to win the Vuelta from the beginning.

And need I say anything about the absolute sportsmanship of this man? When he lost his balance in the Col of Spandelles, TdF 2022, Tadej didn't miss the opportunity and powered away from him, but when Tadej was the one who crashed two minutes later, he waited for him. HE WAITED FOR HIM.

And he made the sport all the better for it and gave us one of the finest images in cycling history.

if you like MvDP, consider that though in these days when van der Poel is showing up with a mullet, Jonas did long hair earlier and better.

though there has been a change of style

If you like WvA, consider that some of the BEST hug pictures only exist due to Jonas being the kind of teammate whom others want to hug AND eminently sized for hugs/lifts

(we've all seen this but we can look at it again)

He's got sportsmanship. He's got incredible skills. He's even a dad! Maybe he's not always good at smiling for the cameras but he can sure smile for his family

Most importantly, he's a TdF winner with the time trial of the year and he cannot ride his goddamn bike without hands without his body language screaming oh god someone help me

[milobehindthescenes]

ope ope January 2024 vibes how we feelin what we doin

Uhhhhhhhhhh

We are currently witnessing two mass genocides going on and it feels like no matter how hard people are fighting to bring an end to it,, there just isn't enough of an impact and it feels Hopeless. And I know that's bad to think and I have to keep raising my voice with everyone else because giving up would truly make shit Hopeless but God it is exhausting and I'm privileged to even be able to set my phone down at the end of the day and not have to deal with that nightmare myself in my daily life.

My relationship has hit a standpoint and I am stuck feeling like everything up until this point has possibly been one big fat lie and I don't even know how to begin communicating that with them. Feels like it's all gonna end painfully one way or another and I wanna just keep sitting here and pretending it's fine because God do I love them. I wanted to have a home with this person. I want to marry this person. But after what happened, I'm questioning everything and at some point I am going to have to ask questions and I'm fucking terrified of those answers. So feels like this good, sweet, warm, happy little thing that I've been holding onto so tight is beginning to crumble out of my hands and I don't know how m gonna handle that in the long run 🤷‍♂️ I really just want to be overthinking this all. I've never wanted so badly to be wrong in my life. Let me be wrong. Fuck. let me be wrong.

Also my past keeps coming back to haunt me and the level in which I basically obsess over the people that hurt me in my childhood is so fucking unhealthy and its!! Embarrassing. Just. Embarrassing. Man I should've been over all this by now but it feels like,, every time I fall and scrape my knees, like metaphorically, the wolves (my past, lol, v original I know) get a whiff of blood and come running and I just start spiraling all over again. Every time I think I'm finally breaking the cycle something brings me back and it's hard not to feel defeated over it.

And I'm constantly missing a friend that I haven't talked to in years who at this point, does not know me, and I do not know him, but I am always thinking about what my current life would be like if we were still friends. Which is also embarrasing because i know how obsessive and unhealthy it is. That bridge burnt a long fucking time ago. I'm sorry k 😅

I outgrew all of my clothes and I'm not even going to dive into my body dysmorphia & gender dysphoria because that's more than anyone has the time to read about.but I feel real bad about my physical being right now and it sucks that the only time I felt great about my body was when I was incredibly underweight for 2 years 😅 that's definitely something I need to work on but that means I have to change up my life style a bit which my current work schedule doesn't allow nearly enough wiggle room for.

Other than that I'm in the profession that I worked (hesistantly) very hard to get into so that's something cool to celebrate.

[taxfraudhousewife]

Hi!! I'm pro-life and wanted to answer your questions!!

Basically, I'm pro-life because science tells us that life begins at conception (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36629778/) and morality tells us that life should be valued. At conception, a unique human life that has never existed before and will never exist again is created and we should protect that life :)

I also believe in consistent life ethic for all human and non-human animals. So, I oppose abortion, the death penalty, euthanasia, unjust war, and the meat and dairy industries :)

(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consistent_life_ethic#:~:text=The%20consistent%20life%20ethic%2C%20also,and%20so%20oppose%20all%20war.)

I live in the US, so opinions are pretty split. The specific area I live in is a little bit more pro-choice than pro-life, but it's pretty even.

I used to be pro-choice (I became pro-life like 2 years ago) so I understand a lot of the arguments and used to believe most of them. My opinion started to change when I watched the Jubilee middle ground video about abortion (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrQYHeodRio&t=74s). The pro-life arguments in that video made sense to me, and I started to do my own research.

I do have a uterus and it's hard to say how much it impacts my opinion because I don't know what it's like to not have a uterus, if that makes sense??

I don't have the same opinion as most of my friends and family. I'm in the pro-life club at my University, but that's pretty much the only place where I interact with other pro-life people.

I know my response was super long, sorry about that!! If you have any more questions or want to discuss things I would be happy to!!

hi thank u so much for your answer!! that’s super cool that your pro lifedness extends to meat and dairy as well, i’ve never considered that angle before. i think you’re the first person i’ve encountered who USED to be pro choice, and i love that you got to explore your beliefs regardless of what’s currently popular for the cool kids. i wonder if it works like a regular trend cycle and in twenty years all the cool teenagers will be pro life lol. i appreciate your thoughts so much fr thank u

[mintedemrys]

(We Can Burn) Brighter Than The Sun by Batsutousai (230k, M, time travel fix-it fic, BAMF Merlin, one of my all time fave fics)

when you let your fingers linger by Imagined (6k, T, 5+1 Things; touch starvation + pining, v cute)

What I'd Have Done by Flight_of_Fantasy (119k, G, Magic reveal; Arthur finds out, Merlin doesn't know Arthur knows, angsty but very good)

Ivy and Amaranth by Thursday_Next (41k, E, magic reveal + quests)

Stars Above, Stones Below by Destina (46k, E, FWB to lovers + magic reveal)

For Want of a Nail by 0hHeyThereBigBadWolf (234k, T, alternate universe - instead of growing up in Ealdor, Merlin grows up in Camelot as Leon's adopted brother. Very very clever canon rewrite, love this one so much)

Sorcerer's Bane by BeautifulFiction (264k, E, magic reveal + BAMF Merlin + good!Morgana - this is without a doubt my all time FAVOURITE Merthur fic, it's incredibly written and just!!! It's my go-to rec at this point. love love love this one so much)

The Stars Make Me Dream by Penndragon27 (19k, T, blind!Merlin, magic reveal, so so so good)

And like the cycle of the year, we begin again by katherynefromphilly (207k, M, post-canon, Arthur returns, Merthur in the modern age. This is considered a fandom classic imo and the entire series is just incredible. Absolutely worth the read if you haven't yet.)

What are some of y’all’s favorite Merthur fics and/or authors?

I’m in the mood for new fics but i’m in a rut of the same tags and themes 🥲

[magiciitself]

    Years, Merlin had been waiting hundreds of years for Arthur and at this point he was sure that was never going to change. The dragon must have been wrong. It was one thousand, five hundred and twenty-three days today. He gazed over at the lake as he passed, looking at the tower that still remained, however crumbling. No matter how many times he had begged, no matter how many imbalances the world had had, the Sidhe had never given Arthur back and he doubted they never would. Turning away, Merlin headed further in town, back home, though really all he wanted to do was turn the other way toward the cottage he kept a secret from everyone else. 

    No, he had business to do and he couldn’t just stop everything because he was grieving again, for the thousandth time in all those centuries that had passed. He entered the little cafe that he’d built ages ago, walked through glad that it wasn’t yet opened before he entered into the area he called his home. Well, anyone else would thing that. Beyond that lay the other part of his manor, a place that he never allowed anyone else. Merlin hung up his coat and gazed out one of the windows. There lay the lake again, he probably shouldn’t have built that here, but it was the best spot for watching and waiting, as he always did. One day, perhaps one day he wouldn’t have to wait anymore. 

@reliquusrex ; starter