#v: One with the force (Jedi! Jack)

[protectxthem]

@feastingsun [x]

jack is glad they're away from the headquarters, from the noises and the prying eyes. he's used to having all eyes on him because well frankly he's a jedi and also he can't die or at least doesn't stay dead for long and he heals faster than the others; very few know about his unique ability but everyone knows about his jedi abilities and that's the way he likes it. he peers into his own bottle and takes a couple of big gulps and can only silently hope he doesn't get the hiccups or choke from inhaling too much air while drinking.

there are so many rules he is breaking just by being here with hondo. but he's on break from the front line so it's only right he gets to use his break as he so pleases. jack leans back as well, wanting to lean against the pirate king but decides against it, just in case he'd be against it. he stretches his legs out in front of him and stretches his arms up and over his head before lowering his arms and placing one on hondo's shoulders. jack glances over at hondo's pet and grins at it before leaning his head back. "this is a nice place."

[toxicanonymity]

Empire Builders. Ben's Hardware Ch. 3

5.4k / Ben Solo x Rey / ch 1, ch 2

WARNINGS: I8+ mdni. Sexual tension, gaslighting, another woman tries/fails to seduce him, angst, dubcon via uninformed force connection, ben jacks off, unsafe P in V (in force connection). Hardware Store AU explained. Strategic planning humor. Excessive plot. Beta/Star wars consultant: @dark-scape A/N: Written in February 2023. This chapter has far more world building & background than necessary. Like I set up way too much stuff for a miniseries, but I wanted to answer some reader questions. And at least the world is constructed in my head for future use.

Ben opens his eyes and looks around his office.  There's a leather couch, a chaise, an end table, a credenza stocked with high-end liquor.  It's certainly too high-end for the general manager of a local hardware store, but Ben likes things a certain way, and so do the clientele. He zips up his pants.  With Rey, he feels like he's doing nothing wrong.  He has his own rules for himself about the force connection, although they continue to evolve. 

The first time it happened, it took him by surprise. He felt a familiar tingle in his nose, the same faint tingle he gets when he uses the force.  And there she was in her bed.  He watched her for a few minutes, growing more and more aroused.  Then he gave it a shot - he invited her.  And there she was in his house.  After that, all she had to do was want him and he could tune in at will. 

He may tune into Rey's cute little thoughts about him sometimes, and especially her sexy little thoughts, but he only interacts when he's clearly invited.  When she desperately wants him.

In a way, Rey is in control – or, that's what Ben tells himself.  If Rey wants something from him sexually, he makes sure she either asks for it or takes it herself. He merely makes suggestions.  He opens her eyes to the possibilities. Rey may not understand it, but Ben barely understands it himself.  Certainly not well enough to explain it to her.  It would be like trying to explain to someone why water is wet or how to breathe.  It's not Ben's fault Rey doesn't know she's force sensitive. Most people don't know about the force at all, and they're better off that way.  

Ben never had a chance at a normal life.  His parents dedicated their lives and his to using their powers for good.  He didn't understand why teachers asked what kids wanted to be when they grew up.  Did anyone have a choice?  Ben even went to the FBI academy at Quantico and started in the Behavioral Analysis Unit.  It just . . . Didn't work out.  Or, it didn't work out *the way his parents wanted*, to say the least.  

His parents' names followed him everywhere.  Everyone had this very specific idea of who he was and what he was about before they even met him.  Everyone had expectations. His entire career was laid out for him. He'd probably be the director one day.  Without the freedom to be his own person, he grew bitter and angsty.  It was only once he interacted with the most dangerous criminals that Ben realized the choices he could make. 

Ben feels like he's protecting Rey by not cluing her in.  The only thing he feels a little guilty for is using a Jedi mind trick on her.  It's a little gross in principle, but he was  protecting her by making her forget what she saw between him and Hux.  Ben works for dangerous people, and Rey is far too curious for her own good. If Rey were to find out the store is funneling supplies to a dangerous criminal organization, it would not only ruin the whole set-up, but her life would be at risk.  

-----

Ben goes back downstairs to the store and passes Hux on the stairs, who's on his way up to the office.  Hux asks, "Want me to run those numbers for tomorrow?"

Ben has no idea what Hux is talking about.  He sighs, "What's tomorrow?"

Hux looks worried that Ben forgot.  "Uh, the retreat, right? Corporate?" He uses finger quotes when he says corporate. 

"Fuck me," Ben mutters under his breath.  "Yeah.  Thanks." 

How could he have forgotten? He knows how - Rey is a total distraction.  Empire Building's strategic planning retreat - what a joke, but Ben doesn't have a choice.  Who plans a retreat a week before Christmas? An organization that considers itself your only family.

Ben wants to get out of it.  "Hey, Hux - shouldn't one of us stay here to watch the store?" 

"Yup, that's why I'm attending remotely. I'll be here in the office and go down to the store during the breakout sessions." 

"Actually, I wouldn't mind staying. You deserve the break," Ben offers.

"Ben, no offense, but you know nothing about running a hardware store.  That's why I'm here in the first place."

"It's only two days," Ben says.  He's annoyed, but can't really dispute the assertion that he doesn't know what he's doing.  He's a hobby carpenter, which used to give him a false sense of handiness, but he's eaten his fair share of humble pie since opening the store.  If he had to run any other department besides Wood, he'd be in trouble.  

Hux sighs. "Alright, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but you're being honored.  You can't skip out." 

Honored? That intrigues Ben.  He tries not to seem too excited, though.  "Whatever," he says.  "Yeah, run the numbers, but run them by me before you share anything."

A buzz saw whirrs in the distance as Ben steps back onto the floor of the hardware store. He wants to learn to manage the store himself, he just doesn't want to learn from Hux. He walks by the key-making station and the staff member greets him.  He thinks about shadowing the keymaker to learn something new, but he goes to Lumber instead. They're filling an order of custom-length 2"x4"s.  

"Want a break? I've got it," Ben says.  The woman stops the saw and offers Ben her protective glasses.  He takes off his jacket, puts on his apron, and rolls up his sleeves.  He pulls on a pair of canvas gloves.  He can feel the woman checking out his ass as he bends over to get the first piece of lumbar lined up just right. "15 minute break," he tells her. "You don't have to clock out."  She walks off then Ben fires up the saw and cuts the wood.  

He's finishing up by the time she comes back.  He gives her the goggles back.  

Ben puts his jacket back on, collar popped, and goes out to the nursery and picks up the water dispenser.  He waters the tropical plant section and inhales the fresh smell of lush foliage mingling in the air with the sawdust from carpentry.  He thinks about how much he enjoys the hardware store.  He would love to just manage the hardware store one day and have that be his whole job.  If only things were that simple. 

----

The next morning, Ben drives his bulletproof Range Rover with dark tinted windows to the retreat, which is two hours away.  He dresses in all black and lays a charcoal blazer in the passenger seat.  He pulls up to the hotel at the last possible minute.  He opens the glove box and puts his old beat up Glock in the back of his pants.  He doesn't carry it all the time. It's truly gnarly, but it works, and it's a family heirloom.  It was returned to him from the District Attorney's office after his grandfather died.  He puts on his blazer and makes sure the notched Mandarin collar is standing -  he doesn’t like his neck exposed.  Then, he tosses his keys to the valet

There are two huge guards at the door dressed darkly in plain clothes.  Ben knows one of them and gives him knuckles. 

There are only a couple dozen people attending but they've branded it like it's some huge event.  Ben would prefer to sit with his back to the wall in any given room, but there's a seat reserved for him in the second row. The retreat kicks off with a speech from the Emperor, which is a big deal. No one knows his real name and Ben has never heard of him appearing in public before.  He hangs on every word at first, but it's a pretty general speech about the importance of loyalty and how prosperous they are together.  Yawn.  Then he talks about adversity.  

He continues, "As we all know, we had some challenges last year. Now, I don't have anything against journalists - heck, my granddaughter is one - but they tend to stick their noses in places they shouldn't." The crowd murmurs. Ben starts listening closer again   

"And it's not like the old days where we can take care of one problem and it just goes away.  They've gotten smart.  They've gotten digital.  Setting up dead man switches and whatnot.  Anyway, after the Post article last year, and the boycotts, each of our biggest suppliers suddenly grew a conscience at the same time. Construction came to a total standstill.  For two months we built nothing." He lets that linger in silence for a moment, then continues, "Until one of you had an idea." His eyes twinkle as he looks at Ben.  A few people quietly cheer.  Someone behind Ben pats him on the back and Ben turns his head a little and smiles on acknowledgement but keeps his focus straight ahead.  

In truth, Ben saw the Post article coming.  The way they were handling their business it felt inevitable.  But it would have been a big risk for Ben to try to change how they were doing things.  Instead, he started anticipating the fallout and plotting to save the day.  

"Ben's Hardware, ladies and gentlemen." He gestures to Ben.  "We're back in business."  He makes Ben come up to the front and presents him with a ruby signet pinky ring.  When he sits back down, Ben sees Hux sends an applause on the Zoom screen behind the speaker podium.  Ben's tries not to roll his eyes. 

"That was real strategic thinking, and it got us out of a real jam. I want all of you to start thinking strategically.  That's why I've brought in a consultant this weekend." He  gestures to his right and an attractive young woman stands up. "This is Paige.  She's going to get all of you thinking like Ben."  She smiles at Ben and he swallows.  

Ben wonders how much Paige knows and what's in store for her.  This is sloppy.  He manages a small smile.

----

The first session is a SWOT analysis of Empire Builders.  Paige talks through their Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats.  It turns into somewhat of a post mortem of what led to the Post article and boycotts. 

Strengths: Reputation, resources. 

Weaknesses: Disloyalty, competing priorities

Opportunities: Services. Diversify disposal. 

Threats: Attention. Regulation.

This is a load of crap, and Ben is 100% sure Hux is just eating it up, scribbling notes and making stupid plans.  He rolls his eyes at the thought.  This is worse than a load of crap, he realizes.  Nothing good could possibly come from openly strategizing about how to expand this criminal enterprise.  

Ben could have walked right into a different crime family and taken his grandfather's seat, but that would have been the easy road, and he wouldn't have been met with true respect.  He knew he was capable of sitting at any table he wanted, and chose a different family.  A rival family.  He's climbing from the ground up by merit.  He whacks off a bad egg here and there, but he builds his reputation with brains more than brawn.  He's bringing the family into the 21st century.  

As part of his plan to make himself indispensable, Ben shared one of his many good ideas - the hardware store.  He shared just enough to climb one more rung on the ladder, and now they want all these goons bumbling around trying to bring something fresh to the table? He would hate for this family to implode before he has a chance to destroy it himself and build his own dynasty. 

In the SWOT session, they discuss some of the points together, but it's awkward because no one knows how much Paige knows about the organization or when she's supposed to get whacked.  They keep trying to be vague, but they're really conspicuous about it.  Ben tries to peer into Paige's inner world to find out how much she knows, but he realizes he can't see anything at all, much less read her thoughts.  He wants to test a hypothesis that the sexual attraction and tension with Rey is what's creating their connection.  

-----

They take a break and Ben takes off his blazer.  He leaves it on his seat and goes to the bathroom.  He looks in the mirror as he washes his huge hands, then he unbuttons two buttons and rolls up his sleeves.  He feels kind of slutty doing this, but in a hot way, if he's honest.  He runs his long fingers through his dark hair and swallows. When he sees his Adam's apple in the reflection he remembers his most powerful weapon.  He should've made an acceptance speech.  

Before they get back from break, Ben approaches Paige with a twinkle in his eye.  He talks about nothing.  He uses the lingo.  He gesticulates with his massive hands and shifts his weight flirtatiously as they talk.  He flashes his charming smile and compliments her on the dumb SWOT analysis.  He tries to keep talking.  He crosses his arms and watches her eyes drift to his forearms.  When it's time to re-start the session, he heads back to his seat and glances back. She's definitely checking out his ass.

"What do we mean by 'diversify disposal'," someone asks, and  Paige doesn't know how to answer it. So she doesn't know everything after all. 

One of the big wigs chimes in.  "You'll recall the Post article was primarily the result of a specific disposal that was discovered at a construction site. Which led them to look at other construction sites, pulling permits, and employment records, and so on and so forth.  All that fuss started with one sloppy disposal."   

The man still looks confused. The big wig makes a subtle gun gesture out of view of Paige.

"OH, disposal," the audience member realizes.  "Okay and diversify that how?" 

"Well primarily by considering properties that don't trace directly back to Empire Builders. And techniques that lessen the residue over time." 

"Like lye?" The man asks.  Paige swallows and doesn't know what to say.

Ben interrupts and saves her. "Have we thought about *reducing* disposal?" He asks the big wig.

The big wig laughs. "It's a core part of our business model." 

"Reducing unnecessary disposal? That's when things get sloppy, right?"

"Go on."

"Like say you hire a person for one job, like a conference, but they have a diverse business skill set.  That person could potentially be reassigned to, say, logistics and supply chain management?"

"Instead of. . ." The big wig is thinking.  "Right.  Good question Ben. Let's take that offline." 

-----

After the session ends for the day, Ben goes to the hotel bar.  He wants to check in on the store but needs a drink before he can even think about talking to Hux. Mainly he's curious if Rey came by.  He knows she wants to. Ben orders a whiskey on the rocks and thinks about Rey.  He feels like she has all the control.  He only gets to see her when she shows up to the store.  He thinks about the way she blushes under her freckles and her dimples and her perky tits and how bad she wants him.  He's horny. 

As Ben examines his drink in his large hand, a sultry voice startles him.  

"Ben's hardware, huh?" It's Paige.  She slides her small hand onto his shoulder and puts her other hand on the back of the stool next to him.  "Anyone sitting here?" He must have really worked his magic earlier.  

"No, please." He welcomes her to sit. His sleeves are still rolled up.  

She orders him another drink. "Another one for him. And one for me." 

Paige reaches for Ben's large hand and inspects the ruby signet ring on his pinky. She wants to try it on.  It's too big for even her thumb. One of the big wigs watches casually from the end of the bar. 

Paige asks too many questions, and Ben doesn't give her any answers.  He doesn't want to put her in more danger than she's already in. Also, part of him wonders if she's a trap. Maybe they've realized what he's known all along - that he's the future of this empire - they need to know he can be trusted and won't get distracted by competing loyalties.  Even if it's not a trap, Paige isn't Rey, so that works against her.  

At the bar, Paige is all over him. It turns him on.  He's not that interested in her, but he's only human.  She finishes her drink and slips Ben a key to her room.  She scribbles her room number on a napkin with lipstick.  He wants to leave the key and the napkin on the bar, but he wouldn't want a worse guy to bust into her room in the middle of the night, so he takes them with him.  

Ben looks at his phone and has a missed call from Hux. He decides not to call him back, lest Hux think Ben answers to him.  Plus, Ben is exhausted from being "on" all day.  He's a solo creature and having to pretend to enjoy "the family" really takes it out of him.  Especially with all eyes on him as an honoree. He felt like he couldn't let his guard down for even a moment.  

-----

Ben retires to his hotel room alone he washes his face and hands and grabs the hotel lotion.  He props up two pillows and lies down on top of the bed without unmaking it.  He crosses his large feet and studies the pattern of his argyle socks.  He really prefers stripes these days.  He should overhaul his sock drawer.  He reads the label on the lotion, then moisturizes his enormous hands. He holds the napkin in his hand and runs his thumb over the room number, which is just a few rooms away.  

He recalls the way Paige looked at him and gets hard. He starts to think about whether he should just do it.  It's not like he and Rey are dating - they haven't even gone out once.  On the other hand, hooking up with Paige wouldn't do anything but physically get him off, and he still wouldn't be satisfied.  He runs his long fingers over the mark on his neck.  There is only one person who can satisfy him now.  His eyelids are heavy.  

Ben palms himself through his pants and  debates whether he should try to force connect with Rey.  If he does try to connect with her and she isn't already thinking about him, it could startle her or make her question everything.  He decides to take care of himself  instead.  

-----***------

Ben takes takes off his slacks and hangs them on the back of a chair and lies back down.  He leaves his shirt on and pulls his boxer briefs down. He closes his eyes.  He wraps his hand around his hard shaft and despite how big his cock is, it almost looks normal sized in his massive hand.  He's proportional.

He's almost too tired to do it, but his arousal wins over.  He spits in his hand. He thinks about Rey sitting in his lap and begins to slowly move the skin on his shaft, lazily and in short, firm strokes, just getting warmed up. He thinks about her furrowed brow and her soft little sighs and how her warmth felt against his cock.  

Before he can get far, his nose begins to tingle. Ben yanks up his boxer briefs and palms himself through them as he closes his eyes to let it happen.  

But before he can see anything, Ben hears a moan echo from the bathroom of his hotel room.  He lies there frozen, wondering if his ears deceive him.  Then, he hears splashing and squeaking from the bathtub.  He jolts up and grabs his Glock from the nightstand. He holds it in both hands, his arms straight, and slowly approaches the bathroom.  He turns the door knob with one hand  and pushes it open before resuming his stance. Steam billows out of the door and the mirror is fogged up.  

The door creeps open the rest of the way on its own, and Rey is in a robe.  Thank God she's facing away from him.  He lowers his gun and quietly rushes back to the bed, taking huge strides. He puts the Glock in the nightstand but doesn't close it all the way.

The sink faucet turns on, then off.  Rey emerges from the bathroom and looks around curiously.  She doesn't  look surprised to see him. He hasn't done it on purpose, but the collateral gaslighting might be driving her mad. Surely she hasn't figured out how this works.  

Ben is lying on the bed in his boxer briefs and button up shirt.  He's still hard.  Her eyes meet his. "Ben," she says.  It's the first time she's said his name to him and it's the sweetest sound.  Her eyes scan his body, resting on his underwear longer than anywhere else.  She looks away shyly then he sees her remind herself it's not real. She gains confidence and smiles demurely at him.  "Where have you been?" she asks. "Where are we now?" She crosses the room slowly.  

Ben ignores the questions.  "Well, you found me,"  he says. Her eyes rest between his legs again.  He's emboldened by her continued belief that this isn't real.  He adds, "And you found me in quite a state." He strokes his hard length from outside his boxer briefs.  "Is this what you were looking for?" He looks down to his lap then meets her eyes again as he strokes himself slowly.  He knows it's what she wants. He still wants her to say it. 

Her hair is damp.  Her skin is rosy.  He's disappointed to have missed her bath, but glad she's here now.  Rey approaches the nightstand, then stands facing the bed, not far from him.  Ben wonders how much she can see in this room.  Can she see the napkin? The Glock in the nightstand? If she can, she ignores them.  She lets her robe fall open "Maybe so," she says.  That's close enough to a yes for him. 

Ben sits up in the bed and pivots to face her. He sits on the edge of the bed and takes both her hands in his.  He spreads his knees.  She stands in between his legs, close to the bed.  They search each other's eyes. He can feel all her thoughts even stronger now.  She wants him bad.  He scoots closer to the edge of the bed, barely on it.  His large feet are firmly planted on the floor. 

She wants his body against hers.  He brings his hands around her waist to the small of her back.  Her figure is striking and her skin is so soft and smooth.  He gently nudges her closer. His knees are spread wide with plenty of room in between.  She comes as close as she can and his clothed hardness meets her bare skin. 

She starts unbuttoning his shirt.  She looks even prettier with no makeup.   He strokes her damp hair, then cradles her pretty little head in both of his massive hands and brings her face to his. Their eyes close.  Her lips part.  Their mouths meet softly, then the kiss grows hungrier.  She wants Ben inside her.  He slips his tongue into her mouth and she meets it eagerly.  She finishes unbuttoning him as they make out.  

Ben moves his hands down each side of her neck, then to her collar bone.  He slips the tips of his fingers under each side of the robe and slides his hands gently to her shoulders.  She shrugs off the robe. His hands slide from her shoulders down to her breasts and cup them gently.  He takes one nipple into his mouth and moves his other hand around her back, down her spine as he tongues then sucks her breast. 

Her skin is supple and her ass is round.  He grabs a cheek in his large hand and pulls her into him, then his hand slides down her ass crack between her legs.  His middle finger reaches her pussy and she’s so fucking wet.  He releases her breast from his mouth and grabs her ass with both hands.  He stands up and lifts her off the ground in one swift motion.  Her legs wrap around him.  He turns around and lays her down on the bed and their faces meet again. His nose brushes hers as their lips come together.  As he reads her mind, he’s struck by the intensity of her passion for his nose.  He’s so fucking hard.

Her fingers curl under his undershirt.  He takes it off and she marvels at his physique - his sharp shoulders, his broad chest.  Her hands trace his hard pecs,   then his abs, and his happy trail.  Then she slides her hand inside his boxer briefs and seizes his huge, swollen cock.  Her hand feels so good.  He thrusts into her and her other hand grabs at the hem of his briefs.  He takes them off.  She wants him inside her so bad, but he wants her to say it.

He reaches a large hand between them to finger her while she strokes him.  As his long digits slide against her slick folds, he says, “You can have whatever you want.”  He knows there’s only one thing on her mind and it’s his cock.

“I want all of you,” she says.  She releases his cock and it smacks against her hip bone, then he removes his hand from between them and grinds his hips into her.  His hard cock slides along her folds and her head falls back.  Her neck is so delicate.  It’s hard to resist putting his hands around it but he doesn’t want to scare her.  

“Take it,” Ben snaps hastily.  “Take what you want.”  She opens her eyes wide and grabs his cock again.  She swipes a bead of pre-cum around the head, strokes him for a second,  then rubs his cock against her folds again.  She wraps her legs loosely around his back.  

Ben kisses her deeply on the lips and grinds into her hard.  He can feel her wanting something beyond his body, beyond this room.  “I want it to be real,” Rey says.  

“This isn’t real?” He asks with a twinge of guilt. It’s an inopportune moment for this conversation, in his opinion. He just wants to be inside her.  

“I want you in real life,” Rey says.  

He slides off her and rolls onto his back, breathing heavily.  He cradles his massive, aching erection in one hand, loosely stroking it.  “I do too,” he says.  

“How do I know?” she asks.  She rolls over on her side to face him and hooks a leg over his closest leg.  Her face is quizzical, but he can still see the want in her eyes. She traces his pecs and her nipple grazes his bicep. 

“You just know.” He laughs. “I know you know.” Rey climbs up and straddles his big thighs, hovering her lower abdomen near his cock as she searches his face. He'd say almost anything to fuck her right now, but he settles on something reasonable.  “Give me your number or something,” he says. "then I'll make sure you know it. I promise."  

She relaxes.  "Okay."  She seems to view this experience as some way of accessing her intuition or some kind of mystical guidance on how to get with him in real life. She feels like she has her next step now.  She'll give him her number.  

“Can we still have fun meanwhile?” He asks and his hips lift up under her. 

She smiles.  The only thing on her mind is his cock now.  She grabs it again and scoots forward more, her warmth hovering over his aching balls.  He sits up and kisses her passionately as she grinds into him.  

He nuzzles his nose against hers.  “Whatever you want,” he says.  Her hips roll into him more intensely until she rolls off of him and back onto the bed, lying face up, pulling him onto her.  He brings his whole body down into hers and she grabs his cock and nestles the tip at her entrance.  Ben kisses her deeply as he plunges into her.  She moans as the thick head parts her seam.  

He gives her a few seconds, then thrusts again, further into her.  She digs her fingers into his back.  Her cunt is so hot and tight.  He feels like he could come at any second already.  “More,” she says. 

He pulls out an inch or two then plunges all the way in and she moans.  They sloppily kiss as he thrusts into her again and again.  They sweat and their hot bodies slide against each other.  He knows he’s hitting that special spot deep inside her.  He knows she’s close. And so is he, his pleasure is building rapidly.  

As Ben pounds into her, Rey begins to whine and her face contorts.  “Yes, yes, Ben."  He feels a pang of pleasure in his balls at the sound of his name in her mouth. She says it again and he kisses her desperately before his name is gone from her lips, like he's catching it in his own mouth.  She comes and her walls clench around him, and he starts to come, too.  He slowly thrusts into her as his cock erupts.  When his balls are empty, he pries his lips away from hers to look at her.  His hair falls into her face and she tucks it behind his ear.  

There’s a knock at the door. For a moment Ben hopes Rey can't hear it, but her face screws up.  Ben ignores it and kisses Rey's neck sweetly, trying to make her forget about it.

Another knock.  "Ben, I know you're in there," Paige says from the door.  Rey's eyes water.

Ben wants to explain.  ,"No, it's not - hold on.  One second," Ben whispers to Rey. He gets up and starts toward the door.  When he glances back, Rey is looking at the napkin and key on the nightstand.  Before Ben can answer the door, Paige says "Whatever, you've got my key."

Ben turns around to come back to bed, but Rey is gone.  He stews over it for a while, but there's nothing he can do.

-

The second day of the conference, Paige starts off cold toward Ben, but she tries to cozy up to him more during the breaks.  He tries to play nice but he's upset about the night before.  There's no way she could have known, but it still bothers him. He replays Rey's thoughts in his head and he's fairly sure her infatuation and attachment will win out over apprehension.

Paige's presentation talks about waste and efficiency.  One of the types of waste is underutilized resources.  Ben doesn't want to say it in front of Paige, but he feels like his capabilities are underutilized.  There are so many times they forgo mind tricks in favor of straight-up offing someone.  It would be cleaner to just to make them forget.  

Of course, a mind trick doesn't always work.  He can't imagine it would work for someone like Mitaka who worked full time for them.  What memories would the person be left with?  Plus, there are different rules for snitches. But as far as Ben knows, a mind trick would've worked for the disposal that ultimately led to the Post article. Ben keeps his mouth shut, though. He doesn't want to draw more attention to himself by bringing up his capabilities.  Plus, he knows better than anyone that sometimes your temper just gets the best of you.

After the session, during the social hour, Ben gets invited on a hunting trip.  He says he should really get back to the store.  A big wig slaps him on the back and asks if he can tour the store the day after tomorrow.  Ben agrees. 

Ben really can't wait to get back to the store.  

-

Thank you for reading!

[anonypussi]

Inquisitor Cal shows a good time to Jedi Cal

for @hereforthefanficsandromance ily 😘

I wrote this for miss V's fan fiction (cause im cray-cray)

MDI | Cal x Cal (yes you read that right) | Inquisitor!Cal x Jedi!Cal

Warnings: choking, light degradation, themes of BDSM, face humping, unprotected sex, proceed with caution (or with excitement idk you do you)

Cal was four holographic films into the night and about ten strokes away from finishing himself off when he sensed it.

Immediately, his erection flagged out of sheer shock like a sail that lost its wind because no way— no way was he mistaking the face staring back at him through the doorway of his cabin.

He scrambled, because how the fuck did he miss this person stumbling into his ship while he was preoccupied? The molten embarrassment makes itself known on his face as shoves his dick back into his underwear. There was no way to play this off, it was so obvious what he was doing alone in his room— and he was not going to take the entire blame for this awkward situation.

“Oh shit-“ he began, getting up quickly to get this person off the ship so he can just fly away and pretend it has never happened. He definitely did not get walked on jacking off alone by a stranger (he will never sleep right after this). He couldn’t even look at this person in their eyes without feeling the crushing shame through his veins. “Hey, what are you doing-”.

He stops abruptly, his thoughts fleeting out the window. His eyes were solely trained on the infamous white insignia on the stranger’s chest, which he bleakly realizes is a breastplate being worn by no one else other than an Imperial Inquisitor.

Great. Not only did he get walked on jacking off. He got busted jacking off by a fucking Imperial Inquisitor. If Cal wasn’t already shifting into defensive, the Force reinforcing the wall around his consciousness and flinging his lightsaber into his hand, he would have gone hysterical with how absurd this situation was.

Yep. He has to kill this motherfucker. Screw the Jedi principles. He refuses to let this Inquisitor he just met yet go back to their lair and make jokes about his dick. They would never let him live it down- oh gods now all of his future interactions with the Galactic Empire’s Inquisitors would involve innuendos.

How the fuck is he going to explain this to-

“I’m not here to fight you,” the Inquisitor said. Cal’s eyes flicked to its face after trying to stare a hole into its breastplate. His mind went blank and he froze.

Because that’s his face. The Inquisitor is wearing his own face.

Did they clone him?

The Inquisitor sighs in irritation. “Will you listen to me?” He growls, Cal becomes fascinated with how his eyebrows scrunch in anger and how his jaw clenches while swallowing. He continues, “Or do I have to force you to listen to me?”

Cal almost laughs. Force to? Typical.

He takes a breath instead. He doesn’t really want to have a fight in his own ship, wearing only his underwear while his opponent is fully decked out in full gear. He doesn’t raise his lightsaber, noting that his opponent- his twin hasn’t pulled out his own weapon, yet. Cal eyes at the dark uniform, taking in the sleek black clothes and protective plates. He sees the red glow right next to the unmistakable small signature imperial logo printed on his left breast.

This was it. He was looking at his worst fear, of submitting to the delicious veil of the dark side of the Force. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the golden orbs on his face, the same orbs he sees on his enemies.

Anger. Hate. Fear. Power.

He doesn’t even recognize himself. He is not Cal. He has his face, his body, eyes, nose, everything. However, the way how this person- this monster carries himself at first impression, was unmistakably not Cal. He forced himself to not flinch as the monster sighed and stepped back, away from him.

His heart seized, and his breath cut off at the horrifying realization that his only family left wouldn’t distinguish them physically. What if this clone hurts his f-

“CAL.”

His eyes focus directly on this Inquisitor, who snapped him out of his own turmoil. The monster stares at him back, his face completely devoid of emotions as his eyes analyze his copy (the better copy of himself).

Cal knew what he needed to do.

“How did you get on my ship?” He asked, willing his voice to not crack as he stoically stared at the man. The inquisitor purses his lips and Cal does not miss how his eyes looked at his saber.

“You were at the bar downtown.” 

Cal blinked at him. “What?”

“By coincidence,” he continued, clearly not impressed with Cal, his eyes boring into the Jedi as if saying keep up with me, will you? “We used the same cup, I saw you. And knowing you, I figured you’d hide your ship here.”

Yeah, that explains why there are two Cal Kestis in this universe. 

Cal didn’t let up his lightsaber. “And you’re me. But you’re-”

“An Inquisitor?” The man interrupted, his expression finally deviating from blank to a mocking curiosity. “Clearly,” he says, setting his hands on his hips and Cal could already do that by habit, the way his gloved fingers rest easily on the belt. “I was on a task to retrieve this artifact, we thought it was a form of Holocron, however when I activated it, it brought me here, and I knew this place was not my home.”

“Right. And you expect me to help you?”

“Is it your job to hunt down Inquisitors?” He snarled, irritation finally coming through his stoic facade. “Helping me would keep the number of those fucks the same, not helping me would just add more problems for you.”

Cal bristled, clearly not wanting to deal with this and do something else entirely different. “Why not go to your brothers and sisters?”

Thirteenth scoffed. “Would you rather me go to them over you? Kriff, you know how to hurt my feelings.”

“How did you get in here?”

“I’m literally you,” He exasperated as if that was the clear answer to his questions. “I flew this piece of junk before,” Cal grimaced at the Inquisitor’s insult. “Can you at least put that damn thing down?”

Cal didn’t need a moment to decide on that.  “No.”

The Inquisitor pursed his lips and kept his eyes on his opponent. Cal holds onto his gaze as he tries to forget what he was doing earlier before this confrontation. The messy sheets behind him and the damning bottle of lube really didn’t help him do that. The silence was just awkward. Cal couldn’t tell if the Inquisitor even wanted to fight him after walking in on him. This is what is happening, right?

The Inquisitor backed off, now slouching his shoulders as if he wanted to make himself look smaller, more harmless. “Fine,” he exhaled and moved his hand to reach for the weapon strapped to his back. Cal adjusts his position, mentally preparing himself for a nasty fight in such a tight space. 

He sees the signature weapon, expecting it to ignite bold red.

Except that didn’t happen. The Inquisitor chucked it at him unkindly, clearly annoyed with him. Cal disengages his weapon and catches the chucked lightsaber after it bounces off his chest, glancing at it with disgust and judgment with its design.

“Now I’m defenseless,” the evil clone stated. Cal blinked at the hidden memories the Inquisitor held with his weapon. He felt the disgust at how many people were slain, the disgust of how his clone was able to carry out such atrocities with no hint of remorse on his face. “Do you trust me?”

Cal would have said no if he didn’t see the other memories. Memories of the Inquisitor, being more Cal than a bloodthirsty soldier of the Galactic Empire. He sees him volunteering at a very cozy library that is hidden away from the peering eyes of the Empire, talking to passerby and their children as they venture through the walls of books. He sees him purposely thwarting imperial soldiers from finding force-sensitive children more than a dozen times over the years. He sees him kill Fifth Brother for threatening to kill someone Thirteenth Brother clearly cared about.

He sees him fighting against a fallen Jedi, a newly formed Inquisitor, Fourteenth, pleading with him to not fully succumb to the dark side of the Force, to endure the long road of redemption, with him.

So his clone’s name is Thirteenth Brother. But he goes by Cal when he doesn’t want to be a monster an Inquisitor.

But once an Inquisitor is always an Inquisitor.

“You know I won’t trust you,” Cal started saying before realizing what he was even saying to Thirteenth. “But I will help you return home. Do you have the artifact with you?”

Thirteenth visibly relaxed, his features almost softened “Glad you asked,” he said and he reached behind once more to grab something from his satchel. “Right here,” he pulls out the cube that resembles a Holocron, glowing eerie green as it dimmed and lightened periodically. Cal almost wanted to step closer to the Inquisitor to inspect it himself, fingers itching towards the object.

Thirteenth smirked with a glint of unkindness in his eyes. “However,” he began, Cal braced himself, already knowing whatever he was going to say would sting. “Before we get into that, I’m giving you a chance to get your dick wet before we proceed. Straight back to your cabin alone after drinks is just sad.”

Cal blinked. His mind went blank for a second as Cal.exe rebooted. Then the feeling of embarrassment comes back in full force and Cal seethes at his clone for making fun of him for jerking off alone. They are literally the same person. “Don’t even bring that up!” He exclaimed defeatedly and Thirteenth chuckled at him.

He hoped this would be a swift mission for both of them.

______________________________________

The atmosphere is thick with tension.

Almost suffocating.

Every movement is deliberate, every breath heavy with suppressed emotion. The air crackles with the electricity of their simmering anger, each moment stretching out as they refuse to be the first to break the silence. Cal found himself inhaling sharply over every small little thing he immediately found irritating, knowing that his emotions were being influenced by Thirteenth’s simmering rage through the Force. Kriff sake, he couldn't even wash the dishes without feeling the urge to grab a plate and throw it at Thirteenth.

Thirteenth is currently fixing up the wiring behind the subspace transceiver underneath the holographic pod. Cal would have felt appreciative for his double to help him out with that, but all he felt was annoyance because he knew Thirteenth wasn’t fixing that out of the goodness of his heart.

What heart, Cal thought spitefully.

Thirteenth's fingers tighten around the tool in his hand, knuckles turning white with the effort to contain his frustration. He shoots a glance in Cal's direction, eyes narrowed with resentment but quickly averts his gaze, not wanting to give Cal the satisfaction of seeing his agitation.

Cal's jaw works in tight, controlled movements, muscles twitching with the effort to keep his anger in check. His grip on the last dirty mug tightens as he struggles to contain the torrent of words threatening to spill from his lips.

Instead, Cal calmly shuts off the water facet and makes his way to his cabin. He needs to get his clothes off of him, put on some comfort clothes and forget the entire fucking thing.

The ‘entire fucking thing’ involves no one other than Boba Fett. Not only Cal’s man-crush has caused this tension, fucking Thirteenth made the entire situation almost damn unliveable. Cal did not want to walk in on Thirteenth screwing Boba Fucking Fett in a dirty alleyway, hear their moans and grunts of pleasure, and Cal sure has hell did not need Thirteenth to catch him looking and give him a show.

Thirteenth knew Cal liked him, and he went ahead to fuck him and brag it in his face. Now, Cal can't even take up bounty contracts with Fett in the future without the blinding embarrassment that threatens to crush him.

All he needed to do was walk to his cabin, change his clothes, and call it a night. Yes, he has to walk past Thirteenth to get to the cabin, but he's a grown-up. He can handle the tension.

But, also, fuck Thirteenth.  

Thirteenth is now looking at him with an expectant expression on his face. He finishes up the repairs as he drills the metal sheet back up, his eyes not leaving Cal as he tries to walk past Thirteenth and ignore him.

With a sharp inhale, Cal’s plans were thrown to the gutter as Thirteenth’s voice cut through the silence like a lightsaber.

“You are being pathetic.”

Oh, fuck you, you son of a Bantha.

Cal turns, all common sense thrown out of the ship as he steps closer to Thirteenth menacingly. Thirteenth obviously doesn't flinch at his antics. Cal had enough of this man. He was rightfully pissed and Thirteenth is the asshole if he refuses to see his perspective. “I’m not the one who got some dick instead of doing our job,” Cal hissed.

Thirteenth’s amusement was blatantly clear on his face, and Cal had to resist the urge to deck him.

“At least I’m not so pathetic that I have to jerk off alone every time. I man up and fuck around.”

“You always had to bring that up?” Cal exclaims with annoyance. 

Thirteenth is acting like a child. A fucking child. And he's an Inquisitor.

Yep, this is when he walks away.

Cal sighs and turns around to proceed to his cabin, praying to the Force that Thirteenth is not sadistic enough to follow him and continue bickering. His patience was falling apart at its seams and Thirteenth followed him, not letting up the argument for a moment.

“Are you angry at me because you don’t trust me enough to let me run off for a few hours? Or is it the fact I fucked your stupid crush and you didn’t?”

“Shut up,’ Cal groaned exasperated, rolling his eyes hard at Thirteenth as he threw his coat on the dresser.  

“You stayed around a lot longer than you should have,” Thirteenth pointed out and Cal froze for a sliver of a second and continued to pull out his bedclothes to play it off. “Did you like watching me get fucked by big, strong men?” Thirteenth asked, his voice low and dark, like telling a dirty secret. It was gravelly, even more than it usually was, scratching away Cal’s self-control like sandpaper on wood. “Did you enjoy watching me beg and cry for it?”

Cal had to swallow hard.

Thirteenth’s eyelids slid low over his eyes, practically fluttering his eyelashes at Cal, the memory of Thirteenth’s lustful gaze on him while Fett thrust into him came back to mind.

Kriff.

“Did you want to do that to me?” Thirteenth purred with a mean sneer. His eyes darted to Cal’s wet lips then back to his eyes. “Hold me down and make me cry? Call you ‘sir’?”

Cal let out a gasp, breath stuck in his throat and he looked at the door behind Thirteenth, trying to judge if he could get away from just sprinting out and never coming back. Cal looks back to Thirteenth before he can let the man extract his thoughts from his mind and figure out his plan.

Only when he looked at Thirteenth, he could see the realization dawning in his expression and absolute glee dancing in his eyes, like all of his wishes came true all at once.

“Or maybe,” Thirteenth said slowly. His other hand came up to unclasp the belt around his (borrowed) coat, letting the bag fall to the ground. Cal felt like he was suffocating on Thirteenth’s stare. He swallowed a lump down his throat.

“Or maybe you want all that to be done to you,” Thirteenth hissed.

Cal was fucked.

Triumph broke out on his face— bright and glorious. His eyes glowed a dark hue of red as the Force entwined the two souls through mutual lust as if this was what they were meant to do.

“You do want me to do that to you.”

Cal wanted to say no. He wanted to deny it. He wanted to shove Thirteenth away and take a lightsaber and cut him down on this spot, maybe even punch him if he needed to— anything except look at him like a Jawas caught stealing a droid red-handed.

Thirteenth stepped closer, right into Cal’s personal space, his hand raised to cup his jaw, his thumb stroking Cal’s lower lip.

“I can do it,” he murmured. His voice was laced with promise and lust. “I had my fair share of brats, and I know how to satisfy their needs.” His hand lowered to firmly grasp Cal’s throat, tilting his face up, and Thirteenth asked, “Do you want me to, Jedi?”

No no no no no no n-

“Put you on your knees,” Thirteenth continued, “smack your ass until it’s cherry red and fuck your mouth afterwards? With no regard if you can breathe?”

Cal wanted to die, wanted to disintegrate and his ashes to fly away in the wind.

Thirteenth’s eyes gentled, the red glow fading away, and he leaned in closer. Too close. Close enough that Cal can breathe his breath.

“Let me have you,” Thirteenth whispered. His tone was no longer teasing, he no longer sounded like he was taunting him, playing with his desires and prancing about fucking other people while Cal desperately hold true to his Jedi values.

Now, he sounded pleading. Pleading. Begging.

Cal’s eyes shut, and his head fell back against the wall. He made a soft noise as lust nearly overtook his self-control. Maybe it was noise to remind himself that this was not a wet dream.

Thirteenth took that as a sign to make a move. He leaned in even further into Cal’s throat, to dip his nose at the length of his column, breathing him in, barely touching his skin other than his hand holding him still.

The hand on his throat should have scared Cal, but it didn’t. It was reassuring, his neck on fire where skin met skin, touch light enough to gently pet a cat.

Cal broke, the Force dropping his walls as Thirteenth’s overpowering presence seeped into his consciousness like tea in hot water. The lust he could feel from him snapped all of Cal’s thoughts as his neurons overloaded.

“Okay,” Cal whispered in response with the quietest voice he could muster like he was hoping this was not real.

Thirteenth responded to that by pressing a kiss to his neck just beneath the corner of his jaw, under his ear, a firm kiss, but nothing more. Then he nosed his way up to Cal’s ear to whisper into it, “Undress for me. I want everything off.”

Cal stepped back almost abruptly, letting Thirteenth’s hand fall from his throat, but he didn’t make a move, like a predator waiting for their dying prey to succumb so they could feast on them lazily.

Cal felt a burning blush creep up his neck and into his face, heating up the rest of his body. There were tremors underneath his skin that he knew had nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with desperation and sheer arousal in his blood. His cock was hard beneath his pants, which did not hide it, but Thirteenth didn’t have to see it to know how it looked.

With the greatest effort, Cal pulled his shirt off, his eyes never leaving Thirteenth’s gaze as he was being watched. He saw how Thirteenth’s eyes dropped down to his chest, slurping up all the detail in the dimmed lighting. This gave Cal the courage to shuck his pants down and prays that Thirteenth would not take this opportunity to make fun of him going commando underneath his clothes.

Cal stood naked, and the Inquisitor stayed clothed. Cal wanted to reach forward, say fuck this, and just rip every article of clothing off of him. However, he stayed put, and there was a small fear in the back of Cal’s mind that this was some elaborate joke and that Thirteenth was cruel enough to pull this prank on him.

Turns out that being Force-sensitive does not grant full transparency between two men who sought a deeper connection. Thirteenth takes this hesitation from Cal as second-guessing and doubts, he looks back up into Cal’s eyes, searching for something, Cal didn’t know. His eyes flickered over every inch of it as if committing every feature and comparing it to himself.

“Tell me to stop,” he murmured quietly, and the silence in the room was loud enough to hear a pin drop. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

Cal remained silent, but he reached up to put a hand delicately on the back of Thirteenth’s neck and pulled him down for a proper kiss.

Thirteenth seemed to melt against him, just falling into him and using his entire weight to push Cal back and up against the wall. The kiss that Cal had initiated had been taken over completely by Thirteenth.

He pressed his mouth harder and harder against Cal’s own, using the wall as leverage to do so. Their teeth clicked together with the pressure, and almost unconsciously, Cal parted his lips.

Thirteenth made a soft groan at that, a desperate noise that sent a shudder through Cal’s body.

How long, he wondered, how long had Thirteenth wanted this too?

The thought floated away as Thirteenth’s tongue was licking its way into Cal’s mouth. All that remained was the hard line of Thirteenth’s body against his front, pinning him to the wall against his back, and the wet heat of his mouth, devouring him. Cal let out a breathy sound as the Inquisitor rutted his thigh against his groin.

“I want to suck you,” Cal breathed out, taking the opportunity to rut against Thirteenth’s still-fully-clothed thigh. “Please,” he added for good measure, knowing every Inquisitor is the same.

They all lust for begging of any sort.

And to Cal’s delight, Thirteenth fell for that trap.

Thirteenth stepped back to give Cal just enough room for his commands. Cal almost whined at the loss of bodily contact and the delicious friction. He was almost lightheaded from the amount of lust he was drowning in, trying to stay afloat while the tendrils under the water pulled him under by his foot.

“Kneel.”

That simple command meant everything to the both of them for the night. Thirteenth is not simply asking him to stick his dick in his mouth. He was asking for submission, and Cal was not known for submission. Especially to the Empire. However, this was Thirteenth, himself, and Cal would submit to himself.

Cal kneeled, eyes never leaving Thirteenth’s face as he relished in the look of satisfaction on his own face. The hunger grew in his eyes as he looked predatory. Cal’s dick jumped pathetically at the sight as it hung between his thighs, exposed to Thirteenth’s judgment entirely.

“Convince me to fuck you,” he commanded, and if it wasn’t for the lust restraining Cal’s ego, he would have got annoyed at him and snarked back.

Instead, he reached up to the hem of Thirteenth’s trousers and gingerly pulled out his cock from its confines. Cal closed his eyes from the smell of his own sex filling the room and he had to hold back a sound after the fire went through his veins and through his groin.

Cal opened his eyes and looked up to Thirteenth, trying to copy the expression he saw on Thirteenth when he found him with Fett and gave him a firm lick up the shaft. Cal didn’t give him a moment to react when he wrapped his mouth around his cock and sucked.

“Damn,” Thirteenth hissed, tossing his head back in response to the assault.

It was an assault, a reckless takedown of Thirteenth’s walls. With every vicious suck of Cal’s lips, every stroke of Cal’s fist, every lick of Cal’s tongue, Thirteenth felt himself crumbling down to bare himself completely to Cal.

He could not let that happen.

Thirteenth’s foot kicked open Cal’s thighs and a shin pressed against his groin, Cal choked a moan and barely stopped himself from gagging on the dick deep in his throat, he grabbed onto Thirteenth’s thighs tightly.

Thirteenth tipped his foot on its toes and down, grinding his shin against Cal’s groin and he grabbed Cal by the back of his head to thrust into him deeper. Thirteenth’s instructions were clear, and Cal let out a choked breath as he compiled.

Not that he didn’t want to grind against Thirteenth’s shin (more like ankle with how low his hips are now) for his pleasure, but the thought of it, rutting against an inquisitor’s leg like a dog, was humiliating and satisfying in equal measure.

Thirteenth groaned deeply at the sight, his voice sending vibrations through his chest cavity and his body, Cal redoubled his efforts to not abandon the cock in his mouth to focus solely on humping his leg.

He could feel his legs aching from the floors, his thighs burning for the small circular motions for his groin and his jaw sore from holding it open for a prolonged period. The intense eye contact with Thirteenth has stopped Cal from noting his discomfort as he stares at the golden orbs, desperate to prove his worth by repaying him with pleasure.

Thirteenth’s pace has increased to the point where he was painfully grabbing Cal’s hair to move his mouth faster, his thrusts hard enough to press into his face as he desperately tries not to gag on his dick, and fails to do that. As Thirteenth abuses his mouth, Cal in return grabs onto the leg he was using with both hands and grinds hard against it, taking it as he pleases.

Even though Thirteenth has completely put him into submission, Cal still wants to compete with him. He would not fall apart yet, not before the inquisitor. He can feel the Force surrounding Thirteenth rapidly crumble with each thrust, exposing the man’s feelings to Cal as his protective wall evaporates with each pant he releases.

Cal’s entire body is burning, but he doesn’t stop. He won’t stop until he proves himself to him.

For what though?

Thirteenth curses, eyes opening wide as they had slid shut after Cal let him fuck his mouth, the inquisitor curses more and abruptly pulls Cal off of him, one hand tangled in his hair with a grip, holding the Jedi in place to look at him.

Cal coughed and took his opportunity to catch his breath as he held eye contact with Thirteenth, not ignoring how he could see the trembling underneath clothes and the flush on his copy’s face, he noted at the red lips glistening wet as Thirteenth had been biting it to muffle his noises.

Before Cal could start teasing him for not being able to hold onto it for much longer, Thirteenth beat him to it, his hand gripped his hair again and this time, he gripped it tight, painful so that Cal cried out a little. He used that hand to push Cal's face harder against his cock and thrust up against his cheek, rubbing himself off on him.

It felt hot and filthy and a little embarrassing, all the requirements needed to drive Cal out of his fucking mind.

“You are such a whore for my cock,” Thirteenth groaned. The words sound like they were supposed to be cruel, but the tone he said was delighted. “This is what you wanted. Me rutting against you?”

Cal moaned in agreement. His cock was dripping, but he kept his hands on Thirteenth’s shaking thighs while Thirteenth rubbed off on his face.

“Fucking look at you,” he hissed, fingers tightening even more and shaking him a little, making Cal cry out more. “You’re getting off on this, being used like this.”

Oh Fuck, Cal realized, I can come just from this.

Thirteenth seemed to realize the same thing. To Cal’s relief (or disappointment), Thirteenth pulled back from him, grunting when the Jedi got in one last lick on his cock while pulling away. His hand is still tangled in Cal’s hair and he pulls him up, forcing Cal to get up.

“Get on the bed,” he orders, and Cal internally pumps his fist in the air for what is about to happen. As the grip left his hair, Cal plopped himself on the comfy mattress, realizing the duvet was off and folded neatly into the corner. Cal wondered if Thirteenth planned this all out.

The thought was interrupted when Thirteenth suddenly grabbed one of his ankles and pulled him closer to the edge of the mattress. He felt the tendrils of Thirteenth’s force assisting the pull as Cal was brought closer to the Inquisitor with little effort. Before Cal could make a move, Thirteenth gripped his throat, and pushed him back down to the mattress, gently to Cal’s surprise.

The Thirteenth looked good from above. He looked divine, with the look of hunger in his eyes and lips wet with wanton. And he was finally naked to Cal’s delight.

Cal couldn’t stop staring at the lips.

Thirteenth slowly inches closer, close enough that Cal could taste his breath. Thirteenth licked his bottom lip, and Cal could only whimper and try to kiss back in return.

Thirteenth’s worship was efficiently quick as he went from kissing and licking into Cal’s mouth, tasting their precome together, he moved to under Cal’s jaw, bit his ear before kissing down the column of his throat, biting into his skin, and all Cal could do was lay there helplessly and bite his tongue.

Thirteenth’s spare hand strummed Cal’s ribs gently before it circled around his nipple, making Cal squirm. A strangled yelp escaped Cal as Thirteenth pinched it, but Cal held perfectly still as he moaned.

“Oh good boy,” Thirteenth murmured, full of delight. He moved down to suck in Cal’s other nipple as he kept pinching the same nipple.

“Thirt- Cal-“ 

“Try again.”

Cal’s mind went blank while Thirteenth continues to play with his fucking chest. He couldn’t think straight and could only grunt as Thirteenth pulled painfully at his nipple, before resting it and soothing it with his tongue or fingertips. Cal had to think what he said wrong, and then it dawned on him.

“Sir,” Cal whispered, “please.”

Thirteenth prompted forward, like a rope snapping, and bit Cal’s ear and licked it and Cal could only moan.

Fucking hell.

“I don’t care if you come,” Thirteenth growled right into his ear, “I prefer you like this, desperate and needy. If you want to come, you better convince me” Then he flipped Cal onto his front against the mattress and manhandled his legs to expose himself to the Inquisitor.

Before Cal could feel any sense of shame (there was none), a hard smack landed on his ass, making him shout. It was hard enough to leave a handprint, he imagined, and it only made him tilt his hips more to expose more of his ass.

“Liked that?” Thirteenth asked mockingly as if he couldn’t read all of Cal’s soul through the Force, just like Cal could sense deep desire and lust through Thirteenth.

Cal did not answer as he decided he was not going to further validate that asshole.

Another hard smack landed in the same place, and Cal grunted loudly once more, his cock pulsing and a bead of pre-come slowly dripping from his shaft and onto the sheets.

Cal could feel the smugness from Thirteenth, motherfucker didn’t even bother to try to hide it. Another smack on the other cheek drove Cal forward and flattened himself on the mattress, a broken sound out of him and another smack had him whimpering.

He could feel both of Thirteenth’s hands grip his hips to force him to get his ass back up. Thirteenth smacked him again, and again, and again until Cal couldn’t bother muffling his cries. His ass was hot, throbbing in pain. Hiding his noises was the least of his worries.

And Thirteenth slid his fingers up the crease of his ass, caressing his hole lightly, Cal gave in and begged, “Please.”

“Finally you submit to me,” he hears him murmur in approval. Thirteenth pressed his fingers to Cal’s rim and rubbed the outside of it lightly. Cal pants as he holds back his moans and lets the inquisitor fondle him.

The fingers withdrew, and before Cal could decide to start mouthing at Thirteenth to do something to him, he heard the man move towards his bedside table to find the lube and condoms.

Cal looked over to the condoms in Thirteenth’s hand and a thought came just as quickly Cal tried to squash it before Thirteenth could hear it through the Force, however, it was pointless as Thirteenth looked back to Cal with a sharp inhale, dropping the condoms back into the nightstand.

“You are a slut,” Thirteenth murmured and gods, that should not have sent a violent wave of lust through Cal’s body.

Cal shut his eyes and rested his head against his arms as he held his ass up, he could feel his legs trembling from overstimulation and exertion. He fights down the humiliation of succumbing to Thirteenth’s dominance. 

He finches and wills himself to not pull away as he poured lube on his ass and in between his cheeks, with full disregard for how cold the lube felt on Cal’s skin. He felt Thirteenth return to fondling his ass, and when he pushed two into him at once, they went with little friction. Still some resistance though as Cal’s ass burned from the intrusion. He cried out a broken pathetic sound and arched his back like a cat getting that good scratch on its back.

“Good,” Thirteenth hissed, both mocking and sincere. “Fuck yourself on my hand, show me how much you want my dick. Beg for it and then maybe I’ll let you come.”

Cal hates this man.

But he wanted this. Thir- Cal was doing everything he wanted. They were fully transparent with each other and the Force-

The Force unexplainably acted as a catalyst, a bond between them.

Cal let out a moan before he started to roll his hips, and another when he felt the delicious pressure of Thirteenth’s fingers on his prostate.

“More,” Cal whimpered.

“Try again,” Thirteenth cajoled. His fingers split apart, stretching Cal open with little kindness, and Cal couldn’t help but rise up on his toes and cry out, “Please!”

“Please what?” Thirteenth demanded.

“Please fuck me with your cock. Please fuck me, Sir,” Cal sobbed, shutting his eyes and pressing his face into the mattress to smother out his embarrassment as humiliation slithered through his spine. But he has already crossed the point of no return. There was no coming back from this, so he could only proceed forward. “I want you inside me, you to split me open and fuck me up. Please I’ll do anything,” he whimpered.

Thirteenth hummed in approval and kissed the back of his tailbone. “Dangerous promise,” he praised, and Cal tried not to lose his mind on him because otherwise, Thirteenth would have that power over him. “Good boy.”

And he felt a wet dick nudging against his hole. Cal scrambled to move his hands to spread his cheeks for Thirteenth. When he pushed himself in, it slid with ease of extra lubrication that Thirteenth put on himself without Cal’s attention.

Cal moaned and moved his hands back to the mattress for leverage to look back at the Inquisitor, curiosity burning in his gut to see what he looked like from above.

And Gods. Gods. Is this what he looks like when he fuck?

The heavy gaze Thirteenth had on him held Cal into place, like a siren soothing the sailor to look at them. His eyes held promise as he slurped up all of Cal’s features, committing it to memory.

Then, Thirteenth darted a hand to the back of Cal’s neck, gripping it painfully and forcing him back onto the mattress roughly. Cal yelped before he was smothered into the mattress, he barely could turn his head to breathe as Thirteenth held him down like he was a wild animal. Cal groaned as he stayed put, and screamed when Thirteenth violently thrust into Cal’s ass with little regard for comfort or pleasure. He grunted with each thrust that drove Cal further up on the mattress. Cal had enough consciousness to throw his hands up the best he could while being pinned to avoid bringing himself into the wall.

“Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleas-” Cal was chanting through his sobs, doing his best to stay in position for Thirteenth as his legs shook with fervour.

“You have until I finish to come, or you won’t come at all,” Thirteenth growled through harsh breaths of effort. “You are mine now, Jedi. You don’t get to come without my permission.” Cal sobbed out something akin to an agreement. Kriff- yes. Yes, he wanted this. He craved this and he finally got it. He wanted to come for Thirteenth. “You won’t be able to come with anyone else. I am ruining you for everyone. You won’t be able to come without me.”

Cal just yelled in response, tears ready to leave his eyes as he breathed harshly against the now-wet mattress under his face. He was so close. So so close-

Thirteenth stopped and Cal could have started a whole new war over that.

Before Cal could let his rage consume his horniness and get angry at Thirteenth for fucking stopping when he was just right there. Thirteenth pulled out and grabbed him again, manhandling him onto his back. 

Thirteenth then grabbed his legs to wrap around his waist and used the same hand that held him down previously to choke him into the mattress. Cal inhales pitifully as he struggled and his dick jumped, he stares at Thirteenth, eyes fluttering as he struggles to keep them open on his face and moaned loudly as he was fucked brutally again.

Cal was getting off on the feral look on Thirteenth’s face as he increased his pace. The grip on his neck tightened again and the grip on his hip left bruises, and his thrusts grew harder and erratic, slamming into Cal harshly with every single one. 

Cal whimpered as he took every thrust without complaint, Thirteenth was saying something but went unheard as Cal could only hear the roaring white noise in his ears. Thirteenth moved his grip on his neck to the back and he moved himself lower to breathe into Cal’s sweaty neck. Before Cal could consider moving his hands to Thirteenth’s back and feel the muscles working, Thirteenth bent over to bite the skin around Cal’s nipple and suck it into his mouth.

When Cal cried out, Thirteenth started fucking him in earnest.

Cal knew he was moaning and crying and whimpering, but he couldn’t gather enough focus to worry about it. He could only feel, not think— feel Thirteenth sucking on his tit, feel Thirteenth fucking him like a beast.

Thirteenth grunted with the force of every thrust, the headboard banging against the wall, and Cal could only grab his back and hold on as the pleasure overwhelmed him. Thirteenth used the hand not holding his neck to reach his neglected cock.

And he was seizing up into Thirteenth pitifully as every wave of crashing orgasm wrecked through his entire being. Cal yelled out as his vision whitened out, and was able to breathe after Thirteenth sat up to watch him crumble apart.

Cal comes back to see Thirteenth’s subtle yet triumphant look on his face, his hips still gyrating to give himself pleasure.

“That was good.” He panted to Cal with a smirk. 

Vaguely, Cal could feel the Inquisitor still rock solid inside him, so he grabbed Thirteenth’s shoulders for one last time to gain leverage to flip positions. Cal was delighted that his stunt succeeded as he heard Thirteenth yelp in surprise, clearly having his guard down long enough for Cal to roll him onto his back, looking up at him with awe and his dick still snug inside Cal.

Cal wasn’t done, so he took Thirteenth’s hand, the one that had finished him off and was still covered in his semen, and licked his come off it.

“Fuck,” Thirteenth swore, his mouth hanging open. That was when Cal started to ride him at his earnest, hard and fast, half abandoning cleaning up the hand with his tongue. Thirteenth swore loudly, yelling out his orgasm into the darkness of the room, his fingers digging painfully into Cal’s waist, holding him in place as he violently rutted into the Jedi.

His head collapsed on the pillow afterwards, spent and sated, Cal followed him as he slumped his body on top of him, ignoring the wet spot and sweat between them. Thirteenth made a small pleased noise and they fell into silence, basking in the glow of post-orgasm haze, letting their body cool down and their heart slow to normal.

“That was fucking hot,” he told Cal as he wiggled the body off of his and onto Cal’s side, letting his softened cock slip out as he did.

The trickle of come that followed made Cal grimace, to which Thirteenth smirked a little, letting his fingers wander to Cal’s hole and insert a finger in.

Cal drew in a sharp breath but made no motion to stop him.

“So this is how I shut you up,” Thirteen snarked and Cal groaned in annoyance, plopping himself back onto the mattress and Thirteenth laughed.

“How long did you want to fuck me?” Cal asked, jumping straight into it.

Thirteen didn’t mind. 

“Since I saw you jerking off. Wondered what it was like to fuck yourself, literally.”

“Is that why you kept making jokes?” 

“It got you into bed with me.”

“... fair.”

[This is the most vanilla smut i have ever written]

[bowl-of-fruit-loops]

Deep diving into what lightsaber forms Cal uses is so fun omg. (Note: this is going to be focusing onJedi: Fallen Order.)

Form I, Shii-Cho, is basically a given as it’s the form that’s first taught in the temple. Given how old it is, it the form that most resembles traditional sword fighting. However, because of the nature of a lightsaber being y’know a lightsaber, it also incorporates sweeping attacks for dealing with multiple opponents. Shii-Cho focuses on disarming your opponents rather than killing them.

Obviously, Cal does kill all the opponents he comes across, but he does use Shii-Cho, I think specifically in some of the more crowd-control moves and deflecting blasters.

The other form Cal uses is Form VI, Niman. The opening stances look like the stance he uses when Trilla confronts him on Bracca and the stance he uses with the Ninth Sister. Niman is something of a hybrid form and draws elements from Forms I, III, IV, and V (excluding II). It avoids the various weaknesses of the other forms but also doesn’t have their strengths.

Niman is known as “the diplomat’s form” or “the moderation form.” Of all the forms, it focuses the least on bladework. It’s generally the form of Jedi who want to focus on other areas, such as diplomacy, hence the name. To counteract the lack of focused bladework, Niman incorporates Force-based attacks. From my knowledge, it’s the only form to use explicit Force attacks, such as Push and Pull, rather than just augmenting the form with the Force. Because of this and because it draws on other forms, Niman leaves room for the user’s creativity and adaptability in combat.

Cal uses the Force a lot in combat (Push, Pull, and Slow). And it makes sense for Cal to use the “jack of all trades” form considering how his formal training was, uh, cut short. And, game-wise, it the best form for Cal to use because it offers so much room for the player to develop their own combat preferences.

(Fun fact: most practicers of Niman use a double-bladed lightsaber, meaning this is likely the form Jaro Tapal used.)

(Another fun fact: Cal can unlock the double-bladed lightsaber on Dathomir. Niman is also called “the way of the rancor” and rancors are native to Dathomir. Additionally, Dathomir is where Cal uses the most diplomacy, in regards to Merrin and Malicos. To varying success.)

But! Niman doesn’t include Form II, Makashi, and seems like Cal uses it. His dodges and blocking (and parrying, if you time it right) look like the defensive moves of Makashi. Makashi was designed for one-on-one combat against another lightsaber user and focuses on creating an opening to attack and then attacking quickly and precisely. Cal doesn’t really use the offensive moves of Makashi, but he does use the defensive moves.

Of course, once Cal unlocks dual-wielding, he also uses Jar’Kai, which is a form utilizing two weapons.

So! Cal mostly uses Form I and VI in Fallen Order with some defensive moves from Form II and Jar’Kai for dual-wielding.

[penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories]

Obi-Wan Kenobi NSFW Alphabet

 A/N: Posted, unedited, and then I’m gonna nyooom to bed. I know these have been done before, and there are some really great ones out there! I just wanted to add my flair to the mix 

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

It’s been said before and I’ll say it again: Obi-Wan Kenobi is the absolute king of aftercare. His soothing, deep voice against your ear, hands gently helping you clean up, arms pulling you into his chest. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his hands. It’s a practical, logical option among a question laced with the opportunity for pride, which isn’t becoming of a Jedi. He likes what noises they bring from you, how he gets to hold you with him. He likes them because what they can do to you.

On you, he loves your eyes. He’s absolutely captivated with you, and while he certainly enjoys many areas of your body, he adores how flashes of emotion will shine through when you’re too overwhelmed to speak.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Obi-Wan loves to mark you with it, especially on the soft, tender flesh of your inner thighs. He feels coming on your face is degrading to you, and if that’s something you’re into, it’s going to take a long conversation, maybe several for him to consider it. 

Now, I have to thank @maybege for this one, because this wasn’t a thought I can take credit for, but I agree that he has a bit of a breeding kink, which you can read about in detail here.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

He likes the borderline sacrilegious way he uses the Force on you. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t feel unhonoring to the Force. On the contrary, it’s times like these with you he feels singular to the Light in a way that isn’t replicated anywhere else, doing anything else. So the way he holds you down with it, touches what his busy hands can’t reach? The way he melds your minds into one, your thoughts bonding in imitation to your bodies?  

It’s against the Jedi code to be attached, but the longer he’s with you, the more he’s intimate with you, he begins to wonder if Love and Light aren’t sometimes one and the same.

(My trademark is beginning to be Smutty Premise but Make It Feelings, prime example above. I have too many feelings about this man. )

 E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

SO much debate regarding this one, and I could see it both ways. Maybe he’s adhered to the Jedi Code to the strictest degree. But if I’m real? That charming, flirtatious confidence about him? I don’t think that comes from a man who hasn’t had at least a few attachment-free lovers before. Regardless, with his ability to discern so well and quite literally read your mind if you consent to it, he knows how to get you right where you need to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He’s happy to mix it up, try new things, different angles, but his favorties are anything where 

He can see your face, press his lips to your mouth or neck

He can touch other parts of you: fist a hand in your hair, drag his knuckles down your stomach, play with the sensitive flesh of yours that longs for his attention

He can penetrate you as deeply as possible

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Just like in the rest of life, he’s more serious, but that dry wit is right under the surface, ready to bubble up when the moment is right. If you’re the one to be a little goofy? It depends on his mood. Sometimes, he’ll chuckle against you, fondness flooding his face. Other times, he’ll shoot you a stern look that shoots right below your stomach because. He’s not playing silly games tonight, but your body shivers in anticipation for the game he does want to play. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Well kept, trimmed, darker than the coppery tresses on his head and face. He shyly, secretly loves it when you decide to kiss down the trail of it that starts below his navel.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s a romantic. One of the most authentic ones to ever grace the galaxy, kept tightly maintained under serenity and his reserved demeanor.  But when he has the outlet for it, when he’s with you behind closed doors, all the affection he can’t display in public is bottled up, just waiting to pull you into his arms and show you everything you’ve both missed.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t think he’s one to do it much. The man hardly gets enough sleep and I’m pretty sure Cody is the only reason he remembers to eat half the time, and doing things for himself is hardly his forte. Seldom he’s desperate enough for the sleep, and he’ll indulge just for the release. Or when the ache of missing you is heavy in the front of his mind.

But once. You asked him to. While you watched. 

Normally so put together, so in charge of himself, he flushed head to toe, but obliged you all the same, quirking an eyebrow in challenge.

Let’s just say you couldn’t help but add your hands and mouth shortly after.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Besides the slight breeding kink already discussed,

Praise Kink, both exuberantly giving and reluctantly receiving

Dom/Sub vibes, mostly for the trust element. While I agree that he has some serious switch! Energy, I think he leans heavily into being a Dom. (all under the condition of lots of conversation because: consent king!) Loves watching you squirm under his husky commands, adores the way you clench harder around him when he calls you “little one,” how you just become so open in countenance and body when he pins you against the wall or the bed, how startlingly fast you become aroused when he takes your chin between his fingers, forcing your gaze up to his.

Biting/marking. Possessiveness isn’t something he fosters nor appreciates, but when he gets to mark you, your skin carrying the discoloration of where his mouth loved you lavishly, something deep in him sparks. He felt awful, the first time he saw it, and you had to reassure him profusely that you wanted it, that you craved the proof of the love you two had to keep secret. And the scratches between his shoulders? The bites into his clavicle? Well, his body is littered in scars he couldn’t be more indifferent about, but those he will treasure

Overstimulation, see U for Unfair

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He’s a private man, so anywhere he knows you two won’t be interrupted. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You. Sometimes it’s as simple as the way you laugh, and he somewhat hates how his body decides to take that innocent cue. Sometimes it’s the way your clothes fit, either tightly accentuating or loosely alluding to. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything you say no to. Again, Consent King, and he won’t ever cross a line. For him personally, he won’t ever do anything that will seriously hurt you, even if you’d ask. He just couldn’t ever lay a hand on you that way.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Preference is definitely giving, and you were monstrously unprepared for how amply his tongue and lips deliver pleasure.

After convincing him that, yes, I want to do that, and he lets you get your mouth on him, he’s a mess. This is where you get to grate against the unwavering wall of his self-discipline, urging out the sinful noises he makes, even as he cuts them short, even as his knuckles turn white in tight fists in their fight against the sea of sensation. He has to shut his eyes. Because when he opens them? When he sees your lips stretched around him, swallowing down what you can? He’s not going to withstand that for as long as he wants. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It again depends on his mood. Either. Both. But his unshakable patience is certainly best suited for slow and sensual. Deep thrusts. Thorough kisses. Languid movement of his hips.

Although. You will never forget the first time he bent you over the nearest surface and took you from behind.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If a quickie is all there’s time for, he’ll concede on it, but he certainly prefers when he gets to take his time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Depends on what. If it’s getting caught, he’s likely to not, since too much is at stake. He’s willing to hear you out, within reason, but he’s always the voice of reason, tending to not do anything seriously risky. Although for experimenting, he’s such an inquisitive man, loving to learn, that he’s willing to try new things as long as they’re at least somewhat grounded.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Um. Um. Jedi thrive on stamina and patience, and Obi-Wan’s chosen lightsaber form (which he’s been deemed the master of), is based on the principle of stamina and outlasting your opponent. So, take that for what it’s worth.

Hint: it’s worth a LOT. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Don’t imagine he’s much for toys, he prefers to imitate whatever sensation via the Force or with his body.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Heh.

TEASE. 

THE WORST OF THEM.

THAT SMIRK? IT HAS A REASON.

It’s the only thing he’ll do in public, touch you with a tendril of energy when he’s across the room. Plant an impression of a thought against your mind.

And when he has you to himself?

Overstimulation. Teasing you to the brink and back sometimes. Sometimes letting you fall over the edge again and again, your body trembling and aching, overwhelmed at his pointed, too-knowing attentions.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not loud, but he tries to muffle his moans when they slip, but he can’t always catch them, and he stops trying so hard when he learns how much you love his noises.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

When he learns how much his voice impacts you, he’s  thinking of the next thing he can whisper to you the next time he gets you alone. It’s where his mind just lives any moment he has to spare.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Welp. I’m gonna try to be classy here.

Someone said somewhere on this website (I lost the post somewhere, please let me know if anyone finds it!) that he has the politest BDE ever, and that’s the funniest truest thing.

Maybe it’s the way he sits with his legs spread, maybe it’s the way he caries himself. 

(Or maybe it’s the way we know Ewan isn’t shy in his nude scenes for a reason)

But yeah.

I can’t imagine he’s anything except just factually acknowledging of it, but the way you react to it? Well, if he feels just a little prideful at that, no one needs to know that except him. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s pretty tied to you. He’s gone years without, but when he has you, it’s awakened a kind of hunger he feels barely equipped to handle.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on the situation. Usually, your hours together tend to be limited, and he wants to savor it. But he also loves the feeling of resting, your body against his. The deep sleep he gets just being with you usually takes him hours of meditating to achieve. 

[voidsentprinces]

FGO is a mythological fanfic clusterfuck...

Prologue: You are an unassuming man or madam who briefly meets their classmate, Mash. And angers their tsundere superior in Chaldea. An organization made to stop the end of the world. The one guy standing around and dressed like “I am an evil villain”. Turns on Chaldea and all the people suppose to go get blown up before they can embark on their first mission. This explosion sends you flying into Fuyuki with your Tsundere Superior and your classmate turned servant. You are the worst choice to save humanity from the end of the world. But now the only option.

Storyline of Fuyuki: Ah, good to be back in OG Fuyuki. Except everything is one fire, most of humanity is dead, and you have to escort a tsundere superior around while your classmate learns how to be a servant. Everyone is evil except Cu Chulainn who is a wizard and is your drunk uncle here to impart wisdom and snark.

Storyline of Orleans: Jeanne D’Arc comes back as Darth Vader leading an army of other historical villains including Elisabeth Báthory , Dracula, Marie Antonette’s Executioner, the Phantom of the Opera, and Darth Lancelot. You team up with Jedi Master Jeanna D’Arc as well as a younger for some reason dragonkin version of Elisabeth Báthory (just to make thing confusing), Marie Antionette, Motherfuckin’ Mozart, Kiyohime and Sigfried to stop her. Also dragons are everywhere. Darth D’Arc exists because Bluebeard wanted to give her catharsis.

Storyline of Septem: What if Emperor Nero wasn’t completely off his fucking rocker, came back as a fashionable wife, and has to fight previous Roman Emperors to get back Rome? Including a rotund Julius Caesar, an incoherent batshit Caligula, a young Alexander the Great and his hapless future successor who is an adult and just as confused as you, and Romulus. Whose death spawns Attilla the Hun as a space dressed waifu. And just to make their roles in history null and void. You enlist the help of Boudica and Spartcus to aid you. Also Jing Ke and mecha Lu Bu are there too.

Storyline of Okeanos: What if Francis Drake was a big tiddie pirate wife. Alright what if previously to your arrival she 1 v 1′d Poseidon and WON!? Alright now what if after getting her help, you fought Eric Bloodaxe, got trolled by Euryale to re-enact the myth of the Minotaur. But then the Minotaur turned out to be a good boi and joined you. Also Artemis carrying around Orion, Atlanta and David, King of Israel is there. So is Jason and some of the Argonauts but like just Medea and Heracles. Replacing the other Argonauts with Hektor from the Trojan War. Also you have to punch Blackbeard with Mary Read and Anne Bonny.

Story of London: There’s fog every where. You have to join forces with Traitor Knight, Mordred, Doctor Jeckyll, a kid Hans Christian, and Frakenstein’s Bride. Contending with Jack the Ripper, Mephistopheles, Hoienheim, Mecha Babbage, a bunch of Mannequins, and then the Mist of London just sort of summoned Nicoli Tesla and Darth Arthur to fight too. At the very end Tamamo no Mae and Sakata Kintoki arrive just to exit stage left immediately.

Story of E Pluribus Unum: Medb wants to fuck Darth Cu Chulainn but he’s not that interested. So she decides to fuck up Wild West America instead. Making Beowulf the Warden of Alcatrez, Fergus mac Roich the Heavy, and then kidnaps Rama’s Wife before mortally wounding him. Also she has to fight against Lion Headed Mecha Edison, Helena Blavatsky. The two of which are using  Karna, Son of the Sun as the Bouncer. You convince a germ manic Florence Nightingale to aid you, pick up a wounded Rama on the way, as well as Robin Hood, Billy the Kid, young  Elisabeth Báthory again, Geronomo and Nero who is trying to be an actress to fight them all. Also Scathach, Fionn Mac Cumhill and Diarmid are there too. But they just do things at random and Li Shuwen randomly shows up too.

Story of Camelot: What if the entire round table was just a bunch of psychopathic zealots who worthship the ground Arthur walked upon. And then got into a fight with Ozymandius and Nitrocris for the lulls while launching a magical tactical nuclear strike on the entirety of Crusader State Middle East. All the legends of Hassan is trying to stop them but Arash is there too. Tawara Tota is also there to distribute a shit ton of rice. Nothing you do here really matters. But Bedivere shows up to aid in the lackluster ending. Xuanzang Sanzang is also there.

Story of Babylonia: Not Enkidu answers to giant Medusa who is pretending to be Tiamat. Bringing about a massive army of demons and monsters to wipe out humanity in prehistoric Mesopotomia. Leonidas, Ushiwakamaru, and Benkai are doing their best to fight off the hordes. After three Demons go out like bosses before your arrival. Also young Medusa and Merlin are there cause why not? After befriending a woman in a tiger kigarumi, Quetzacoltal, Ishtar, and Ereshikigal. You find out defeating giant Medusa was a ploy to summon the real Tiamat and shit goes down. You eventually drop Tiamat into the Underworld where the First Hassan dewings her after which Ishtar, Ereshikigal, and Gilgamesh work together to defeat her. Ushiwakamaru is captured and comes back as an evil version of herself but with the aid Nekai and Quetzacoltal going out in a blaze of glory you defeat them all.

Story of Saloman: Every servant shows up to fight off Soloman and his Demons, turns out Soloman is the daemon Goetia possessing the corpse of Soloman. And the true Soloman is actually your acting director and base medical doctor. After your classmate sacrifices herself you defeat Goetia and Soloman decides he’s good for now and peaces out taking Goetia down with him and restoring humanity. Bringing your classmate back to life in the process.

But wait THERES MORE! The remaining Demons who survive the Goetia fight decide they’re mad they lost. So create some singularities to air out their grievances. Trapping you and the staff of Chaldea in a time space continuum until you hunt down and take them all out.

Story of Shinjuku: The League of Evil comprising of James Moriarty, Yan Qing, Darth Emiya, the Headless Horseman riding the Spirit of Vengeful Wolves, and the Phantom of the Opera take over 1990s Shinjuku for the fun of it. You have to enlist of the aid of James Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes, Darth Jeanne D’Arc, Darth Arthur Pendragon, and Edmond Dantes. Turns out Moriarty that was your ally was actually the true Moriarty and the one leading the League of Evil was the Demon you’re looking for. Summoning the power of all Fictional Detectives you defeat Moriarty. I shit you not.

Story of Agartha: Welcome to the Center of the Earth. Where the vast open plains are ruled by Darth Francis Drake, Penthesilea, and Wu Zetian. You are joined by Astolfo who takes the form of a cute anime girl but retains his gender, Chevalier d’Eon, and a young Fergus. Fighting the Queens and their respective empires with the aid of...sigh, Christopher Columbus. Surprising no one, Columbus turns out to be the true villain and with the aid of Shahrazad and a Demon almost Colony drops the Center of the Earth on top of the actual Earth, Age of Ultron style. But the power of friendship you win. Also Godzilla Heracles is running around.

Story of Shimosa: What if just after or before the Warring States period: Ashiya Doman, Yagyu Munenori, Minamoto no Raiko, Tomoe Gozen, Mochizuki Chiyome, and Shuten Doji showed up to fuck everything up? Including corrupting Hozoin Inshun just to be absolutely asinine? You get the power of a time traveling woman using the legend of Miyamoto Musashi to get into shenanigans. Also obtaining the aid of Fuma Kotaro and occasionally a robotic mecha Kato Danzo. The Demon sort of just appears backing Ashiya Doman.

Story of Salem: The Salem Witch trials but if done like the VVitch in a horror film manner. Not so much about the battles but about the atmosphere. As you, your classmate, Robin Hood, Charles Henri-Sanson, Nezha, Mata Hari, and the witch, Cirice posing as Medea for a few seconds there. Have to pose as a traveling circus of storytellers and entertainers. While the suspicions of the towns people grow darker. Ghouls and spirits begin to haunt the night. There are executions and the Demon turns out to be the one you least expect. The soul of a child is used to open up a gateway for an Outer God and shit goes down.

But wait there is even MORE!

Story of Prologue: You’ve hunted down and killed the demons. And now the world is back to normal. When a new force arrives to take over Chaldea in your stead. One of those new arrivals brings along an army to slaughter Chaldea and activates the end of the world by way of Alien Invasion. You get out of there in the nick of time via a magical meguffin mobile and now have to track down Lostbelts. Each one controlled by a King, a Master who was your former colleague who previously got blown up and now is now revived by the Aliens, and their servant as well. Good fucking luck chuck!

Story of Anatasia: Russia is fucked. Russia is SO FUCKED! That its been stuck in an Ice Age since the reign of Ivan the Terrible. The Russians are forced to use a magic to turn them into anthropamorphic beings and have been surviving barely due to the machanations of Saleri, Ivan the Terrible, Anastasia Romonov, the Master of this Lostbelt, and a particularly sadistic fox woman. With barely anything to go on and running out of fuel. You have to venture out into the eternal Russian Blizzard to get the aid of one of the locals, Avicebron and Darth Atlanta to defeat Anatasia, Ivan, and tear down their cosmic eldritch tree to restore humanity in that sector.

Story of Gotterdammerung: You made it out of Russia and into the Netherlands, where it seems on the cusp of Ragnarok. You are immediately facerolled by Sigurd being possessed by Sutr. Who is under the command of a master there. Enlisting the aid of Napoleon Bonaparte you fight back against Frost Giants, Valkyries, and Sigurd. Also enlisting the aid of Brynhildr to do so. You also have to contend with a girl made up of several goddesses and Scatach taking on the manter of Skadi.

Story of S I N: Out of the frying pan and into the China if it never left or evolved beyond the Qin Dynasty. Except for the Emperor who has become a giant space base, artifical intelligence reaching immortality. After having close calls with mecha centaur Xiang Yu, Qin Langyu, an older Li Shuwen,  Lanling Wang. The Emperor sees you teaching peasants how to read and coloney drops a piece of himself on the village. You send Spartacus to punch to meteor...I shit you not. And with the aid of Mordred, Jing Ke, Red Hare, and Chen Gong. You impress Emperor Qin to come out of his shell and reveal his butterfly god form. Also the Master in this Lostbelt is actually a fucking vampire.

And that’s all I’ve gotten to so far.

[himboskywalker]

do you have any HCs about Anakin (finally) seeing Obi Wan in the Mandalorian armour????? because i saw your post and we were robbed of that reaction

The 501st is supposed to rendezvous with the 212th after emergency evacuations of a Mandalorian outpost besieged by Separatist forces. The outpost’s biodome was compromised and the fleet rushed at lightspeed to meet Obi-Wan and his legion, to assist in taking on refugees. Nothing made sense when the Mandalorians were neutral and Obi-Wan and the 212th shouldn’t have even been there, not after the Duchess’s death, not after everything, and yet here Anakin was, rushing through space to reinforce his master.

After hours of flashing red emergency lights and a sea of troopers rushing passengers out of the depressurizing atmosphere of the dome, air sucked out into the vacuum of space, Anakin finally boarded the Negotiator to find Obi-Wan amongst the chaos. He finds Commander Cody first, who points him down a hall flashing red and then dark, shadowed masses of people lit in negative as he pushes through children wheezing in oxygen masks.

He finds Obi-Wan in deep conversation with a Mandalorian commander, though it takes him a startled moment to realize it is Obi-Wan in the red beskar armor. He turns, feeling Anakin’s force presence, with his bucket helmet tucked under his arm, and beckons him closer. He steps up to the pair, heart jack rabbiting under his ribs curiously, as he takes in the lines of cinched red armor; broad chest plate, scarlet shoulder pauldrons, bracers and a thick belt over his high-necked blacks underneath. He looks like a warrior, not the noble silhouette of Jedi, not a peacekeeping knight, but a warrior-a dangerous one.

He looks thin-lipped and angry as he dismisses the Mandalorian and resettles the helmet on his hip. Anakin can’t seem to take his eyes off the stretch of scarlet across his chest and the incredibly broad line of his shoulders. It makes him look taller, even more commanding than his towering presence already makes him. Almost against his will his eyes flick down to the protective groin piece of beskar cutting a sharp v between his thighs, and the elongated stretch of his armored legs and tall boots after.

“You can wipe that look off your face,” Obi-Wan says testily, “it’s even more uncomfortable than it looks, and I am not in the mood for your mocking.”

He jerks his eyes up from tracing the curve of his hips under that thick leather belt and blinks, confused and utterly wrongfooted for a moment, swallowing thick and feeling overheated in the confines of his tunics, battle surcoat and armor. His brain catches up a moment later and he flushes hot and humiliated.

“What? Oh—ah-no it looks pretty wizard actually. Didn’t expect red to be your color.”

Obi-Wan makes a face like he’s swallowed raw Booja fruit. “Don’t be ridiculous—now I need you and Rex to…”

He zones out almost immediately, eyes falling back to the blacks high on Obi-Wan’s throat, to the wide sweep of his shoulders and narrow dip of his waist, all wrapped up in beskar and combat gear. The Mandalorians had to know what they were doing with those designs, it was unfair really, the way it made heat climb up his neck and make his cheeks go blotchy.

Obi-Wan stops talking midsentence and his eyes narrow, expression slanting intense and frustrated. “Anakin,” he says in that particular lilt he uses when he’s especially miffed, “why aren’t you listening to me? We are on a tight time constraint here, padawan of mine, what has your mind so addled?”

His gaze dips to the sliver of blacks between the bottom of his red chestplate and the top of his leather belt, waist incredibly slim and compact under the bulky layers of armor and combat gear.

“I’m sorry, master,” he says, “I’ll do better, I’m paying attention now, master.” But almost as soon as Obi-Wan dives back into their strategies of bunking hundreds of thousands of refugees between their fleets, his mind whites back out as his eyes fall to scarlet beskar.

Obi-Wan stops talking again and he steps tight within his space, reaching out to grab a fistful of his curls at the nape of his neck and jerk Anakin’s face close to his, expression pinched and annoyed. His breath catches high in his throat and heat swoops deep in his gut at the yank of hair and the press of his hips to Obi-Wan’s beskar groin plate.

“Anakin,” he snarls, “now is not the time for me to teach you a lesson of self-control.”

“I’m sorry, master,” he pants, voice going breathless and croaky, “I just—”

But Obi-Wan cuts him off, pulling him through the automatic doors of a storage room just off the hall, still by that same firm hold in his hair. The manhandling makes him go achy and weak limbed as his master shoves him down to his knees. He sways there for a moment, feeling punch drunk as Obi-Wan tightens his grip in his curls and yanks his head back so that he meets his darkened eyes.

“I see it’s a different kind of lesson then, I can’t believe you sometimes, Anakin,” he says, voice annoyed and fond all at once.

[beardycarrot]

I, lying awake in bed because that’s how it always is the day before you have something important to do... am going to try to guess what the plot of Bioshock Infinite is, based on what I’ve seen in the first few hours and with knowledge of the other two (and a half?) games. Spoilers for the entire Bioshock series, except maybe Infinite, but I intend to knock it out of the park.

So. The first Bioshock is set in a futuristic (by 1950’s standards) city at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, created by a hardcore libertarian named Andrew Ryan as a way to once and for all live in a society free of government regulation. I won’t get into all the “sea slugs that produce a gene-altering wonder drug” and “child slaves brainwashed to drink corpse blood” stuff; very interesting, very important to the plot, but if I tried to explain the world of Bioshock I’d be lying here typing on my phone until the sun comes up. That stuff aside, the major plot points are that you’re not actually a guy who just happened to crash-land near the entrance to the city but are, in fact, Andrew Ryan’s son, and the guy who’s been guiding you through the city was actually using a Manchurian Candidate-style activation phrase to manipulate you into doing whatever he wanted. It’s a big, mind-blowing reveal (as is the realization that your character is actually about four years old... science fiction, man).

Bioshock 2 didn’t really have any big plot twists... or plot, for that matter ...but it was developed by an entirely different team, while the original’s team also did Infinite, so I’m expecting a return to form. Just as an aside, Bioshock 2 had a short DLC campaign called Minerva’s Den, which had a fantastic story, and a twist that the player can figure out on their own if they’re paying attention. Your goal is to get a very smart computer (for 1968) out of the underwater city and back to the surface so you can use it to cure all the victims of the slug-borne gene manipulation, and you’re guided over radio by the computer’s creator. At the end, you learn that the one guiding you was actually the computer itself, and that you’re its creator, slowly recovering from brainwashing. For the record, the endings to all three of these have made me cry.

So! With those kinds of twists in mind, what am I expecting from Bioshock Infinite? Well, I went into the game only knowing the names of the protagonists, that rather than underwater it was set in a floating sky city, and that there was some kind of religious theming but also a lot of old-timey Americana. As it turns out, the people of this city worship— no, have DEIFIED the founding fathers, and are lead by a man called Father Comstock. I’m pretty sure that name is a reference to the Comstock Act, similar to Andrew Ryan being named after Ayn Rand... but he could actually be called Father Cornstalk and I just haven’t been paying attention.

Anyway. Just a few minutes into the game, I noticed that a statue of Comstock looked suspiciously similar to my character... before deciding that I didn’t actually have that clear of a mental image of my character, they wouldn’t pull the “secret son” thing twice, and as much as I love it there probably isn’t going to be any time travel. Le sigh.

UNTIL!

So, your goal is to get a girl named Elizabeth out of the city, and there is some legitimately weird stuff going on with her prison. Like, they have some of her personal possessions from various points in her life in containment: a teddy bear, a diary, and a bloody cloth labeled “menarche”. Gross. Why would you keep that. Well, when an electric current (or something visually similar) is applied, the bear and diary change color, and the blood disappears from the cloth. The reason I’m not sure if it’s electricity is that there’s some kind of siphon system set up, it looks like a bunch of subwoofers, and it’s absorbing... something? When she sings, maybe? Is the energy being siphoned what changed the quantum states of those objects, or whatever was happening? There was also a chart showing that when she hit puberty... something, really spiked, which is what forced them to build the siphon. I can’t claim to know what’s happening here, but when I finally saw her she was day dreaming about Paris, and.. I guess opened some kind of portal, TO Paris? But then a bus or something barreled towards her, so she quickly closed it. In the couple seconds that the portal was open, I saw the marquee on a movie theater that... well, was in French, but I’M PRETTY SURE said “Return of the Jedi”. I should probably mention that this game is set in 1912. That smells like time travel to me, baby!

So, this is where it gets interesting, and confusing, and complicated. I think Elizabeth is Comstock’s daughter, from various signs and posters about Comstock’s seed being their salvation, and The Lamb of God being locked in the tower, and such... and signs about a “false shepherd” who would try to take her away (again, lots of weird divergent Christian sect stuff). One sign showered the false shepherd’s hand as having the initials AD branded on the back, which the protagonist Booker does indeed have. Before rescuing Elizabeth, Comstock confronts you, and seems to know all about Booker’s past, including his wife Anna (who died in childbirth), and claims to know his future as well. Being a prophet and such. Thing is, the way it’s presented, that whole thing could’ve all been in Booker’s head...? Shortly after rescuing Elizabeth, you run into someone who mistakes her for someone named Annabelle. Hmm HMMM. I’ve also run into a diary by someone named Rosalind Lutece (I think she’s one of the creepy twins who keep popping up everywhere) talking about physics and what sounded like the concept of quantum superpositioning, as well as a little informational kiosk in which she claims quantum mechanics are what enable the city to float. There were also a couple diaries that seemed to imply Elizabeth came from... somewhere else, and a part of her might still be there, or something?

SO. Finally, we get to the part where I theorize on what’s going on. In short... iunno.

Okay, well, I feel like my idea should be obvious by now. I think Comstock might be a future, or ALTERNATE REALITY FUTURE, version of Booker, and Elizabeth is... either a past version of his wife, before she went back in time and married him, or an alternate-reality version of his daughter? But then who is the Annabelle that the girl thought Elizabeth was? Did Booker’s child not die along with his wife, and was secretly wisked away to skytown? Comstock’s wife is consistently referred to as Lady Comstock, but what if her name is Annabelle too? Maybe it’s the same concept as the Heinlein story By His Bootstraps, with the protagonist only realizing that he IS now the old man from the beginning, and has to get his younger self into this weird time loop in order to live the life he’s lead?

I might be going a little off the rails; I mean, I’m pretty sure that the statue of Comstock I saw earlier actually reminded me of Handsome Jack, a character from another game I haven’t played who happens to wear an outfit similar to Booker’s. That said, there’s DEFINITELY some kind of time travel or dimension-hopping shenanigans going on here. There are good writers on this game, and I refuse to believe the Annabelle/Anna thing is a Batman v Superman-level coincidence.

The weird part is that in the tower where they were keeping Elizabeth, they have documentation of her dating back to one year old, so she was clearly exhibiting... something, unusual, even as a baby. The game also has yet to explain Vigors, its versions of the Plasmids from the first two Bioshock games, which were basically superpowers granted by the substance produced by those sea slugs. If I had to guess, Vigors are... a result of some kind of quantum something-or-other, which they made from whatever it is they were siphoning off of Elizabeth? Maybe it’s a Scarlet Witch kind of thing... you don’t actually change yourself, you just find yourself in an alternate reality where everything else is 100% the same, except you’re a version of yourself who can shoot crows out of your hands.

Right, so. My... official theory is... that... I have no idea what’s going on. Yeah, sorry, something in that mess up there is bound to be close, but when you get into time travel and/or dimension-hopping, all bets are off the table. Or all bets, a literally infinite number of bets, are on the table. Which is a lot to try to comprehend.

[jackxunknown]

The Sith had been brought out in chains, the cell below the Cidael he’d been kept had done its job cutting him off from the Force and weakening him and he was easy to manage. The crime he’d been accused of was mass murder. Dozens had been found dead from a saber blade and the Council had said he had been found nearby. It was all the evidence they’d needed. The rest believed their council with unwavering loyalty.

The man was pushed to his knees, and the metal ring already around his neck connected to a chain fixed to the ground. What was about to happen was clear; a Jedi stood all clad in deep brown robes, a veil of thick woven fabric covered their face, shading their identity. Though they took the solemn oath of loyalty, and had volunteered to do their part to rid the galaxy of the last of the Sith, one from a long line hidden from them but finally revealed, they wished their role as executioner to be anonymous, as all volunteers always did.

The Masters spoke, but the words seemed lost on the condemned, he seemed only to crane his neck to look at the crowed, not to appeal to them, no, he understood these people would never believe them over the Masters that spoke of the crimes he knew he hadn’t committed, that he’d die for because of his lineage, and the saber that he carried. He seemed instead to be looking for someone, and it looked as if that person couldn’t be seen in the crowd. The man hung his head back down in defeat, but his jaw still clenched when the executioner stepped forward when the little green thing stopped talking what vaguely sounded like backwards nonsense. His head only twitched slightly when the red saber ignited (the mans own, bled saber) and lowered to just above his neck.

There was a pause as the hidden Jedi raised the saber to strike the target it had marked....and it swung away from his neck and around the front to sever the chain holding him down in one clean strike and disappeared back in to its hilt. The man was pulled to his feet as the saber hilt disappeared iunder her robes, and the hooded figure pushed at the air with a violent thrust, and the audience was thrown off their feet.

The hooded figure tore the veil off and tossed her hood back, black wild hair and dancing blue eyes to match the grin was revealed. With one arm she clutched his shoulder to keep him upright, the other whipped out another saber that sparked to life; bright pink that sparked and cracked, and she held it up like shield and a declaration.

“What are you doing?” a man shouted from the crowed, trying to get to his feet.

“Quitting.” said the girl, the grin pulling up for a moment

“Leave, you may” came the voice from the little green thing that had officiated just a few moments earlier “but stay, the Sith must.”

There was a pause, for just a heartbeat as the girls eyebrow went up and she looked the creature over. The only sound was the sparks of the saber.

“Go fuck yourself, ya little gremlin.” In a flash the pink was gone and the hilt back where it came from under the robes, and she grabbed the front of the mans shirt, her eyes closing.

In a violent and nauseating moment they weren’t in the citadels courts any more, but in a small ship, and she tripped and fell over their feet.

“Sorry! Sorry Ive never taken anyone with me.” She steadied him, still holding him upright, and looked him in the face for the first time “Im Jack, and we need to get out of here right the fuck now.” Was all she said before she dragged him to one of the chairs by the console and dropped him in it, strapping him in the getting int he pilots chair. The ship was in the air moments later, and speeding out of Coruscant’s airspace far faster than was allowed. It was either that, or the Jedis warnings to them about an escapee that had the squadron of V-19s flying at them. When they opened fire, the shields took the hits hard but wouldn’t last very long.

Jack just flicked switched and pressed at the console like mad, and increased speed, seeming not to listen to any protests from her new fellow fugitive. She just increased speed until they were near collision distance and the computer told them the shields were nearly failing. Suddenly she stood up out of the seat and jammed one foot up on the steering control, keeping them going straight. And with both hands held out, the backs of them together and shaking with the rest of her arms, Jack suddenly  wrenched them apart, and so with them the fleet of ships in front of them were thrown to either side, crashing into eachother and clearing a path for them.

She fell back into the seat, her hand back on steering controls, the other slammed down on the hyperdrive controls, and jammed it them in to lightspeed with a jolt. Jack was staring out the dash window with an extreme concentration that one didnt need when they were following established hyperspace lanes. Then again, people didn’t enter hyperspace from inside a planets atmosphere, either. They were only traveling like that for 30 some odd seconds when Jack slammed them back of it, and quite suddenly the surface of a barren, icy planet about 30 miles away filled the cockpit window, and she jammed the ship upright as quickly as she could, and a rocky and bump few minutes later, they were landing and she was leaning back in her chair with a shaky breath of relief.

[protectxthem]

@feastingsun asked: flower, sender gives receiver a flower. ( caleb offers the jedi master a flower before he leaves the jedi temple for the front lines. with a big beaming smile. )

actions speak louder than words | Accepting

Jack is standing off by himself, he just barely managed to escape a group of younglings and finally catch his breath. He likes the younglings, they're like little siblings to him. He senses a small force presence approaching him and it makes him smile because the presence is familiar. He turns around to face Caleb, a smile still on his lips. He gently takes the flower and tucks it behind his own ear. "Thank you, Caleb. I'm gonna cherish it forever." He just hopes it doesn't come off during battle, but if it does he knows Caleb would understand.

[gunnerpalace]

And I’m 💯 sure that you’re blocked and you can eat it.

But I would like to talk about this idea a little, actually. So, here are a couple of points:

The thing that a lot of modern-day “Bleach fans” don’t get is that as far as Japan is concerned, the only thing that really sells Bleach to the mass-market general audience is Ichigo and Rukia interacting. The hard truth those “Bleach fans” refuse to accept is that most of fights sucked, most of the mysteries sucked, and other than the two of them (and maybe Toushirou and Byakuya) most of the characters aren’t interesting to the average person. If you liked Bleach for any of those three reasons (or any other minor reasons), then you are in the absolute minority of nerds.

The cold, iron truth of economics is that you sell media properties in one of two ways: either by drilling down to a highly dedicated fanbase (e.g., moe-blob anime with extremely jacked-up Blu-ray prices) or by appealing to as wide and shallow an audience as possible (e.g., the Marvel Cinematic Universe). The interesting thing with Bleach is that those two audiences, by the numbers, are actually interested in the same thing: Ichigo and Rukia, and more particularly, IchiRuki.

Bold claim, I know. But you don’t have to look hard to see it. This is why the musicals were focused on them. This is why the LA movie was focused on them. And this is why both of those deemphasized other ancillary characters, especially Ichigo’s human friends like Chad—or Orihime: because they are essentially irrelevant to that largely singular fixture of the series and are forgettable other than to some hardcore nerd. (The only other thing that comes remotely close to being as iconic are the Soul Society fights, especially Ichigo vs. Byakuya.)

This is also why every time the property has been reinvented for a new market (again, e.g., the musical and the LA movie) the focus has always been on early Bleach: because it most showcases their interactions and establishes their foundational emotional connection. This is in large part why arcs that more and more deemphasized their interactions suffered increasingly worse sales, to the point that Bleach was consistently ranked 20th out of 20 in Weekly Shounen Jump’s ratings on a week-to-week basis. Less Ichigo and Rukia, and especially less Ichigo and Rukia together, means less sales. This is why TYBW and WDKALY sold abysmally, and I’m willing to bet that CFYOW’s numbers aren’t too great either considering it features neither of them at all.

This is furthermore why Studio Pierrot gave them so many moments, like the ice-skating and fireworks date that they used to send off the anime: because IchiRuki sells. And not much else does.

So, having established that, let’s talk about your idea.

Ichika and Kazui don’t make sense, because their existence in TYBW isn’t established. They simply appear, like the rest of the ending, with no buildup or explanation. In other words, there is no reason to invest in them as characters; they are simply designs walking and talking on a page. (And surprise, the only people who cared “about” them at all were people like you who were pleased as punch that it was evidence that Ichigo and Orihime, and Rukia and Renji, fucked. And even you lot don’t care about them, because there is nothing about them to possibly care about. You care about them as symbols and nothing more.)

However, what would make even less sense is to introduce them without having TYBW at all. For the anime to jump from Ichigo and Rukia having an ice rink not-date to having Ichika and Kazui running around in their places would be a bit like jumping from Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back in 1980, to Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens in 1983, instead of having Return of the Jedi. It really isn’t possible to overstate how much that big of a leap would lose an audience, whose reactions would be, “What the fuck is this? What happened?”

As I have previously calculated, animating TYBW would take about 4–5 seasons and about 3–4 years of production. So, unless you wanted to pull one of the strangest continuations ever in media history, you’d be waiting for that to wrap first, and presuming its financial success (which is dubious, for the above outlined reasons, and its relative historical print failure which got the manga cancelled).

Setting all that aside, Ichika and Kazui are not photocopies of Rukia and Ichigo; they are genderflipped photocopies of Renji and Orihime. There is a reason why, despite the best efforts of IH here on Tumblr Dot Com, the IR community has never warmed up to them: why would you take a cheap clone knockoff that can’t even trace the original properly when you could just have the original? This will likewise hold true for a general audience. If a random-ass person in Japan knows anything at all about Bleach, it’ll be Ichigo and Rukia. Going, “This isn’t them, but here’s the same great taste but less filling!” is going to get you a response of, “No thanks.”

Setting that aside, what exactly would be the premise? The Espada were retconned in from the aether and people were fine with them, since they were basically just the inverse and mirror of the Shinigami. But people didn’t much care when Xcution were retconned in from the aether. And they didn’t like it when Yhwach and the Sternritter were retconned in from the aether. And they really don’t care now that Tokinada, Hikone, and Aura were retconned in from the aether. Are you really going to have a fifth group of baddies we never even vaguely heard of before showing up? Or are you going to just recycle a set? “Oh, no, Aizen has escaped Muken and has made the Super Fullbringer Espada…” Please. The concept is tapped out: it either has to keep inventing new bullshit and pretending it was always around, or it has to recycle the same ideas but in a less exciting way. Or it has to be rebooted.

It is clear that something or other is happening with regard to Bleach for this “anniversary” event, but the evidence, in my eyes, doesn’t match what you would see for TYBW being animated, let alone for some kind of Boruto-style series.

The event has been marketed in a rather low-key fashion, which is weird considering the 2020 Olympics are a once-in-a-generation event which provide the perfect hype vehicle (and which Shueisha has been using to push other WSJ properties). If you were working on a large or risky project, you’d want a lot of hype—either to prepare the audience, or to maximize your initial buy-in and returns if it’s going to flop (e.g., Anthem). Being cautious indicates both the scale and risk are small.

The emphasis on the voice actors who are appearing at the event are all for classic and popular characters: Ichigo, Byakuya, and now Rukia. You know what fans don’t like? Having a bait-and-switch pulled on them where their classic faves are affiliated with something, only for them to be radically deemphasized in the actual final product. (Just look at the three recent Star Wars movies for some proof of that one.) It is far more likely to be something focused around them.

MegaHouse is making new Bleach figurines this year. But the designs they’ve chosen so far are… Fake Karakura battle Armored Yoruichi (who I’m excited for), and Hueco Mundo style unreleased Grimmjow. If you were going to make merchandise for TYBW or a next-generation show, it’d make a lot more sense for that merch to be… actually related to those events, rather than “classic” designs, now wouldn’t it? To go to the Star Wars well again, they weren’t trying to sell Qui-Gon Jinn or Lando Calrissian toys with The Last Jedi.

To me, all the evidence indicates that whatever it is will be some sort of “Greatest Hits” OVA or something like that, with a focus on the Aizen era of the series. Maybe a lot of the “best” battles redone in really high quality. Maybe a video game. Maybe a reboot of the series from the start. Hard to say. But it doesn’t look an awful lot like TYBW, let alone a next-generation effort.

Now, I’m not saying that either of those things are impossible. I’ve been wrong before in this life (for example, I didn’t think Putin would invade Crimea), and I will be wrong again. I could be wrong about this too. I can only speak in probabilities.

But what I will say with confidence is that committing to TYBW would be fairly dumb as a business decision given everything that is evident about what makes Bleach sell.

And committing to a next-generation series at this stage before doing TYBW would be even dumber.

And doing a next-generation series without doing TYBW would be even dumber still.

Now, stupid people are in ascendancy worldwide in all kinds of endeavors, so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that someone greenlit something so dumb. But if they did, I don’t think it’s going to do so hot.

So, good luck, I guess.

[duhragonball]

Potpourri

I’ve been thinking about various storytelling things, not really Dragon Ball related, but I figured I could write them all down here and make something out of it.    Yeah, like an old school Livejournal post, except I can’t write a sassy message in the read-more cut.

Okay, first, I’ve been watching a lot of AEW Dark episodes on YouTube, because AEW puts out a new one every Tuesday and it’s easy to fall behind on them.   So it’s like reliving wrestling angles that I watched on AEW Dynamite back in June and July.    One of these angles was a world title match between champion Jon Moxley, and “The Machine” Brian Cage, who debuted by winning a ladder match in dramatic fashion, along with his new manager, Taz.

Taz does a lot of the color commentary for these episodes of Dark, and Cage debuted around the release of Episode 35, so after that, Taz started using his announcing job to promote the upcoming title match and gloat about how his guy Cage was going to destroy Jon Moxley and win the title.   Taz’s main argument was that Cage is absolutely jacked, which made him a success before, but now he’s got Taz coaching him in all the cool stuff Taz used to do in ECW: suplexes, submission holds, etc.    Taz sells you Brian Cage’s world title victory like a lawyer presenting a case to a jury.   At the center of Taz’s argument was his claim that Cage was simply too big, too strong, and too prepared for Jon Moxley’s finishing move, the Paradigm Shift.    Taz predicted that Mox wouldn’t be able to apply the Paradigm Shift properly, and even if he could hit it, it wouldn’t be enough to stop Cage. 

The plot twist came from real life, when Moxley had to stay home because his wife contracted COVID-19.   There was a lot of speculation that he might get sick, and even if he didn’t, that he wouldn’t be able to appear for the title match.   Fortunately, it didn’t come to that, and the match was simply postponed an extra week.    During that time, Taz accused Moxley of ducking Brian Cage, which I wasn’t crazy about, since I didn’t like coronavirus being used in a wrestling angle.   On the other hand, it did give Taz a couple of weeks to run down the champion unopposed.   At one point he reintroduced his old FTW title belt and gave it to Cage because the world title match had been postponed.    Good stuff.  

So finally, Moxley comes back, and he did one promo before the title match, and this was his chance to respond to all the shittalking Taz had been doing.   It was brilliant, because for weeks, Taz had been declaring victory, and he shut it all down in one quick segment.    He brought up Taz’s claim that the Paradigm Shift wouldn’t work on Cage, and Moxley just said “well maybe I won’t try to use my finisher on him.   No, instead, I’m going to target his left bicep, which was surgically repaired last year, putting Cage out of action for several months.”

And just like that, the tone of the show changed, where suddenly it looked like Cage might be in trouble, because his camp only seemed to have a perfect game plan, and here was the champion announcing his own counter-strategy in advance.   “You talked shit about my wife being sick, so I will reinjure your arm.” 

And it was awesome.    At one point Moxley went for a pin, and Cage kicked out, only for Moxley to reverse the pin into a submission move on the arm.    There were points where it seemed like he couldn’t decide which arm to target, and eventually I realized he was going after both of them, switching from one to the other as needed.   It’s smart, because if you go after the good arm, he’s gotta use the vulnerable one to fight you off, and by doing that Cage basically handed it to Mox for his next hold.  

Finally, Moxley had Cage trapped in an arm hold, and the whole time he was looking Taz in the eye, basically waiting for a submission or a ref stoppage, and Taz had no choice but to throw in the towel to save Brian Cage’s career.    It was a beautiful finish because it sewed up the whole story.   Cage never tapped out, so he still looks like a relentless badass, but Taz had to let discretion be the better part of valor.   He mocked Moxley for playing it safe when his wife got sick, so Moxley forced Taz to make the same choice.    Great stuff.   

Second.   I’ve been reading Darth Vader comics since Marvel started publishing new Star Wars stuff again.    Disney bought Marvel and Star Wars, so it was only a matter of time before the comics began to reflect this.   The smart thing they did was to give Vader his own title, which I like because I’m not that into the adventures of Luke and Han.   

The first Vader series was twenty-odd issues featuring his fall from grace after the Death Star’s destruction, and his rise to command of the Imperial Fleet.     Basically it charts Vader’s career between Episodes IV and V, though there’s plenty of room for other side-stories.   

The second series flashed back to the final scenes of Revenge of the Sith, and tracks Vader’s actions before A New Hope.   It doesn’t cover the entire period, but it hits a lot of the important notes.   How he got his red lightsaber, how he trained the Inquisitors and hunted down the surviving Jedi, and how he built the castle on Mustafar seen in Rogue One.   So it handles everything important Vader was known to have done between Episodes III and IV. 

The third series, currently ongoing, starts right after Vader’s final scene in Empire Strikes Back, and I would assume it’s going to lead him right up to his arrival at Death Star II in Return of the Jedi.   I’m really into this, because I feel like this is an especially overlooked stage of Vader’s career.    Starting out, it seems to be mostly about Vader investigating how his son survived Padme’s death, as he seeks revenge against anyone who hid the boy from him.    Of course, nearly everyone involved in that cover-up is already dead, so I’m not sure where this is going to lead.   

All three volumes of the Vader title focus on the utter futility of Vader’s quests for power and revenge.    His hunts for Jedi survivors was just something for him to do in his spare time, since the Jedi were no longer a threat to him.    His castle on Mustafar was designed to give him special knowledge of the Force, but it only revealed truths that he already knew, or had long since rejected.    His plot to regain the Emperor’s favor after Yavin was very satisfying to watch, but also pointless: The Emperor needed him too badly to dispose of him, and Vader’s still a patsy whether he’s the #2 guy in the Empire or the #5 guy in the Empire.    And now this new series sees him chasing ghosts, trying to make sense of Luke’s refusal to join him.     He wants some sort of answer to his dilemma, but the only answer he’s ever going to find is the one in ROTJ, where he sacrifices himself to kill the Emperor, the one thing he cannot bring himself to contemplate until the time comes.

What saddens me, a little, is the realization that there doesn’t seem to be anywhere else for Marvel to go with the guy.   We’ve got an arc of Vader between Episodes III and IV, an arc between IV and V, and now V and VI, and that’s it.    The only way to do another Darth Vader series after this would be to go back and cover one of those three periods of his career.   And I’d be up for that, but the three series Marvel has done seem a little too decisive for this.  Like they purposely planned these comics because they weren’t going to revisit the character again for a while.   At least, not as the star of his own feature.   

I guess I could deal with that.    Maybe Marvel could finally get around to exploring the Sith career of Count Dooku between Episodes I and II, or work out some loose ends with the Emperor between Episodes VI and IX.    The main thing that’s been on my mind about Vader, though, is this idea that the character could just be done, and laid aside.  

This is something I’ve often observed about Cell and Frieza in DBZ.   I still think it’s dumb how they brought back Frieza after Trunks killed him, because there really wasn’t anything left to do with the character after he got turned into a cyborg and instakilled.   There’s nowhere to go after that.    His character arc was to start as the Final Boss of the entire Universe and then to get reduced to a pathetic, minor threat.    You can bring him back, but your only choice, dramatically speaking, is to reset the character, which means putting him back on the same track he’s already covered.     There’s no way to bring back Frieza and not have it be a retread of stuff he’s already done once before.

Cell might have some interesting applications beyond his original story, but he’s too much of a slave to his purpose.    His job was to carry on Dr. Gero’s revenge scheme, and that all ended when the saga ended, so he just seems out of place whenever he appears after that.   This is why I’m glad Toei and Toriyama haven’t brought Cell back, although at this rate it feels like it’s only a matter of time.   The thing is, if they brought him back, what else could they do with him?

With Darth Vader, all of his most important moments have already been covered in the movies, so all that’s left is to produce some side-story content.    The old Expanded Universe tended to steer clear of Darth Vader, probably out of respect for George Lucas’ prequel plans.    Later, the Clone Wars projects gave us more Anakin Skywalker than anyone knew what to do with, which is basically Darth Vader content, but not quite.   That’s why I dig these Marvel books so much, because there’s never been such a sustained effort to tell a Darth Vader story like this.   But once it’s run its course, the only way to keep using the character would basically be to start over.     I have a hard time seeing Marvel do that.  They’d have to get a new writer to retell those years like the first set of comics didn’t happen.    That could be very entertaining, but it doesn’t sound likely to happen.  

I’m not terribly worried about getting my Darth Vader fix in the future.   They’ll keep making stories about him long after I’m dead.   It’s just that I’ve been thinking about the limits of what you can do with one character.    I’ve long thought that you can always find gaps in the narrative that can be filled in with new stories, but maybe that isn’t true.    Maybe at some point, for some characters, there’s a finite amount of things to do with them.    You look at all of the Anakin Skywalker Clone Wars stories, and I’m sure someone could write a few hundred more, but would it really accomplish anything that hasn’t already been covered?   Is it possible to “use up” a character?   I probably won’t know for sure anytime soon.  

[legendarymasterwolf]

E3 2019: My Thoughts on What We Saw

Alright, E3 is over this year, which means it's time to go over what we saw and my thoughts on it.

This is late, so some stuff here will be out already.

I'll be going by publisher alphabetically, so first up, we have...

Borderlands 3

I'm so freaking hyped to get lost in this hilarious world again. I've played Mordecai in Borderlands 1, Zero in 2, and Claptrap in Presequel. Still trying to decide who to play as in 3, but right now, it's looking like I'll pick FL4K, since he specializes in long range and has a few cute beasties by his side. Also, we're getting not one, but THREE action skills with each character. Not only that, but you can sacrifice your grenade skill for two equipped skills.

The Children of the Vault look like some worthy successors to Handsome Jack for title of "Best Borderlands Villains", though we'll see how they pan out on release date.

The gameplay that we saw of Moze looks smooth. Heck, everything about this game looks sleek and refined without doing away with the art style. Also, guns with legs.

Anyway, we not only got the gameplay reveal, but also Commander Lilith and the Fight for Sanctuary, a new DLC for Borderlands 2 that sets up 3, so I'm scrambling to finish the Handsome Collection on my PS4, which just got a lot more difficult now that I've bought RDR2 finally, along with several other games.

Control

I loved Alan Wake, and this is from the same people, so I’m hyped. The game looks great, has a suspenseful atmosphere, and it seems to play well. I’m looking forward to release date.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare Reboot

I haven't bought a COD game since "Black Ops 2", though I have played the newer ones with a friend of mine. It looks good visually from the reveal trailer I saw, I'll say that much. No gameplay yet, but I know it'll be gritty, focusing on some of the more shocking moments of the original trilogy, like "No Russian" from MW2 or the nuclear explosion from MW1, so it seems we're bringing in more edge to the series. Still, I'm glad the campaign is back, and I'm interested to see how it will look.

12 Minutes

A twelve minute time loop where you're forced to relive the death of your wife and the only way to break it is to find out why she was killed? Sign me up.

Code Vein

I remember this one from last E3. Still the same opinion, too. Anime style souls game that I might buy for the story, which looks interesting.

Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot

So this looks REALLY good. It's like a deep RPG, deeper than Xenoverse was, with mechanics besides fighting like fishing, and as for the fights themselves, they seem to be more strategical than before, with a healthy dose of classic DBZ fisticuffs in there for good measure.

Elden Ring

A Souls game written by George RR Martin? Don't know too much about it besides that, but it looks cool based on the trailer.

The Dark Pictures: Man of Medan

Basically, another Until Dawn, but on the open sea during a storm. And I'm totally okay with that.

Deathloop

Another game from Arkane? The guys who made Dishonored? I'll take it. Besides, another time loop premise sounds interesting.

Doom: Eternal

If Fallout 76 was any indication, Bethesda desperately needs a win now to restore faith in their studio. Besides a few of the other games announced at E3 2019 that could do so, there was one that stood out in particular: Doom Eternal. I’ve already played all the Wolfenstein games, with the exception of one upcoming entry on this list, and based on what I’ve seen of Eternal, I’m going to like it due to the similarity in gameplay.

GhostWire: Tokyo

The presentation on the new game from the makers of Evil Within, another series to try now that I have a PS4, was memorable for a few reasons. First off, Ikumi Nakamura, the game’s creative director, was the main presenter and she was adorable. Seriously, it’s probably one of the best E3 presentations I’ve seen this year. I can’t remember the last time I saw one so genuine like hers, plus it helps that the Internet has fallen in love. As for the game itself, it looks great, with people disappearing in Tokyo and it being up to some guy with a bow and supernatural powers to find out why. The reveal trailer was all we got, but still, I can’t wait to play it.

Wolfenstein: Youngblood

The first game I’ve ever preordered, and this comes from a guy who never preorders on principle. It’s a Wolfenstein spinoff with BJ’s twin daughters, so yeah, I’ll buy it. Plus, it’s co-op, so I’m playing this with my best friend. Still trying to decide which twin to play, though. Probably Jessie, since my friend is gonna want to play Soph.

Paranoia: Happiness is Mandatory

Looks interesting, plus the gameplay reminds me of Shadowrun Returns.

The Sinking City

This one’s already out, but it looks good. Hopefully, it’ll be received better than Call of Cthulu before it. Plus, I’m all for a game where the protagonist is losing his mind, like Dead Space.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse – Earthblood

Set in the World of Darkness universe, like Bloodlines, except you're a werewolf instead of a vampire and it's from a different studio. Gameplay was revealed behind closed doors, but it looks good from what I've heard. We don't have too many werewolf games around.

Cyberpunk 2077

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY!

Yeah, this might be the first game I preorder for myself, since now we finally have a release date: April 16th, 2020. The new trailer we got gave us a glimpse of a default male V as well as what may be Jackie’s death (please don’t kill off Jackie, CD Project RED, I like him too much already). After V’s employer tries to double cross him, V tries to kick ass with his twin arm blades, which look really unique, before said employer shoots him in the head. The trailer ended with a major surprise: as V comes to in a junkyard, a figure in jeans, a tank-top, and a silver left arm approaches, and kneels to reveal a face and voice that sounds suspiciously like Keanu Reeves.

Yes, that’s right, for those who haven’t heard by the time this is posted, Keanu Reeves is in Cyberpunk 2077 and he’s playing Johnny Silverhand, a legendary rocker in the world of 2077 who may not be what he seems.

After the trailer premiered onstage, Reeves came out onstage to promote the game. He could barely get through the start of his speech, people were that excited to see him in the flesh. There was even a great moment where he described the game as “breathtaking”, to which a fan shouted out, “You’re breathtaking!”, to which Keanu responded in kind. We don’t deserve this man.

Anyway, at the end of his speech, Reeves gave a new look at gameplay as well as the game’s release date. The glimpse was only about 20 seconds long, but still, the new look at the combat, hacking, and what is presumably a digital afterlife or something like that was enough to get me even more hyped for this game.

Seriously, I couldn’t be more hyped. This game is gonna be massive and I just might preorder it.

My Friend Pedro

Switch game, but still looks cool. It’s already out now.

Sea of Solitude

I need to play more games that make me feel like this. The art style looks gorgeous and the theme is depression, so yeah, I may buy this one if I like what I’m hearing.

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Honestly, EA's part of the the expo was kind of depressing, especially when it got to Anthem. However, we did get more of Jedi: Fallen Order, and for that, I'm grateful, because this game looks great. Both the combat and lightsaber look slick as does the gameplay in general, and the voice acting is on point, from Cameron Monaghan to Forest Whitaker. We need a good Star Wars game for current gen consoles, and while The Old Republic is still my favorite, that's for PC. Also, while it has been announced that there are no microtransactions in the game, I'm sure EA will find some way to screw it up, but for now, it looks awesome.

Greedfall

I’m interested. Story and premise have me, a mix of 17th century colonialism with horror and the supernatural. Gameplay looks like my kind of jam, and we may be getting romance options too, based on some trailer observations.

John Wick Hex

Gameplay seems unique, plus it’s John Wick. I will always take more of Keanu Reeves.

Grandia HD Collection

I like JRPGs like this one, though it’s for Switch, so I can’t play it.

Way to the Woods

Looks like a cute adventure puzzle game. I might get it for PC.

Wasteland 3

This series looks like tactical Fallout, so yeah, I’m likely to give this one a shot since it looks good.

Blair Witch

A Blair Witch video game? That’s psychological horror?! With an adorable dog companion named Bullet?!?! Yes, please.

We didn’t get much besides a trailer and some gameplay, but I’m eager to see more.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild Sequel

Ugh, why is it that last year I was complaining about not having a PS4, now this year I’m complaining about not having a Switch?!

Anyway, this looks great and I want to see more. Especially since I’ve heard it’s going to be scarier than Majora’s Mask.

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

Looks good on the graphics front, plus the gameplay additions looks promising.

And once again, I can’t play it.

Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order

Out of all the games on this list, this is the one I want to play most that I can’t play because, you guessed it, I don’t have a Switch.

I loved the original Ultimate Alliance games, so I’m sure the new one is gonna be a hit, what with the new combos, character designs, and references to the MCU, plus it’ll tie us over until Marvel’s Avengers.

Pokemon Sword and Shield

The Pokemon look cute, it is set in the world’s version of the UK, gameplay looks improved, and once again, I can’t play it.

Empire of Sin

It looks cool, plus I need more Mob style games to play. It’s also made by the people who are responsible for the next game on this list...

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines 2

It’s only in pre-alpha, but still, this one looks good. The original is on the Steam store, and there are fan made patches that improved upon what was originally a disaster. The sequel looks like a smoother version of its predecessor, with a few new abilities and mechanics put in. Again, it's in pre-alpha, so the final product will look much cleaner, but for now, I'm excited for its release date.

Shenmue III

First off, I’m royally pissed that Epic stole this one. That being said, the game looks great and I’m looking forward to continuing Ryo’s story on PS4. The gameplay looks great, the atmosphere is enthralling, and the English dub sounds good this time around. Still pissed about Epic, but at least I can play it on PS4.

The Outer Worlds

This still looks great. Since Fallout 76 took a nosedive and kept on going, we need a game like this to get that bitter taste out of our mouths. This still looks like a cross between Fallout and Borderlands, the true New Vegas spiritual successor that we need right now. The companions actually look helpful, have personalities of their own, and the Flaws System sounds really interesting, giving your hero a perk in enchange for a debuff for the whole game. Also the humor is great, too.

Marvel’s Avengers

Yes, the character designs don’t look so hot. However, those can be changed on the road to launch. That aside, I liked what I saw. The gameplay looks great, the voice cast has some top tier talent for the industry, and the promise of more heroes to be added after launch without the attached microtransactions has my attention.

Dying Light 2

I only played the demo for the first one, a game I still need to play, but I liked it enough to want a sequel. The usual free running mechanics look smooth, plus the addition of player choice shakes up the game, making your playthrough unique, so yeah, more of the good old stuff with a few new things sprinkled in.

Final Fantasy VII Remake and Remasters

The remake of FF7 looks AMAZING. The hybrid combat system looks like a dream, plus the character designs look top notch. In addition, the voice cast sounds on point for their respective characters. The hype around this thing was evident from the incessant cheering, we want it that much. We even have a release date: March 3rd, 2020. It’s been a long time coming, but it seems the wait to experience this classic for the second time on a different system will have finally been worth it.

Also, there was content announced for FF14 as well as two remasters: Crystal Chronicles and FF8.

Bet your ass I’m buying the remaster for FF8.

Biomutant

This has been described as Fluffy Devil May Cry. It’s accurate. I didn’t know you’d be able to customize your character, to! Combat looks fun, and it appears there is humor present if the narrator is anything to go by, so I’m interested.

Destroy All Humans! Remake

I never played the original, but I did read about it and hear about it from a friend. From what I’ve seen, the remake looks fun! Good parody of the 1950s and the updated graphics look great. Plus, Krypto seems like a fun, grumpy protagonist.

Gods and Monsters

This looks like a cross between Assassin’s Creed Odyssey and Legend of Zelda. Considering it’s being made by the same creators of the former, I can’t wait to see more of this in the future.

Ghost Recon: Breakpoint

I’ll be honest, I still haven’t played any Ghost Recon games, so maybe here would be a good place to start. Gotta say, I like the way Jon Bernthal presented. He just seemed at ease onstage. Plus, Bernthal’s dog looks adorable. Bam Bam is the real hero of the Ubisoft press conference.

Anyway, it seems Bernthal is playing Cole D. Walker, one of the antagonists of the game. Didn’t see any gameplay, but still, the game looks good. I need to play more tactical shooters in general.

Watch Dogs: Legion

I played the first Watch Dogs game. Thought it was cool, but overall it was a bit disappointing. I still need to play the second one, but I heard it was a major improvement, even if it wasn’t a financial hit. Still, this one put a smile on my face. The ability to recruit and play as anyone? A sarcastic AI as your companion? A grandma assassin? I will take all of it, thank you.

Also, grandma assassin.

Did I mention there was a grandma assassin?

Can’t wait for March 6th.

LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga

The LEGO Star Wars games were some of the first games I ever owned back when I played on the PS2, so I’m hyped for a collection of all 9 films in one game. We don’t know much beyond the announcement trailer, but hey, I’ll gladly take this one when it comes out next year.

Baldur’s Gate III

A video game that plays like a DND game? I can’t wait. Haven’t played the other games, but I’m sure I’ll be fine once I play that tabletop prequel they mentioned.

Battletoads

It’s an Xbox and PC exclusive, but still, glad this is getting a remake.

Bleeding Edge

This looks like an Overwatch reskin. The combat itself looks unique, though, so we’ll see how it goes.

Gears 5

We got a little more on Gears 5 this time around. We’ve got a look at Kait and how the Locust influence is threatening to tear her apart (that’s what I’m assuming, I’ve never played the Gears games). We also got a new mode, Escape. I might get it, since it’ll be available for PC.

Halo Infinite

If this is what Xbox Scarlett looks like, then Sony might have actual competition for once. This is the best the Halo series has looked in years, and considering how let down some felt after Halo 5, it’s about time. We’re getting the same badass Master Chief back, this time with no AI companion, as Cortana has suffered corruption due to being around for longer than normal and has gone psycho as a result. Regardless, the graphics look amazing and I can’t wait to see how it looks when it releases Holiday 2020.

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

I never played the original, but I might have to now, because this looks cute. The art style looks great and I’ll always be interested in games where you fight things ten times your own size. Plus, it seems to run smooth, and just by the sound of the story, it already has my heart.

Psychonauts 2

To cap things off, let’s end with a game I’ve been excited for since I finished the original months ago. The game seems to be coming along great, if the first level is anything to go by. Returning voice cast, new enemies and powers, new environments to explore, Jack Black voicing a Brain in a Jar, need I say more?

Also, this game looks to explore the water curse put on Rasputin’s family, so it will be a more personal and chilling story as well.

________________

So, there you have it. That’s my thoughts on E3 2019, half a month late.

What are you guys excited for? Leave a comment letting me know, especially if there was something I left out!

Until then!

[jazon-todd]

some (mostly negative sorry lol) thoughts

it’s obvious that these movies were made separately with no real plan on where the story should go once they cooked up the idea to start the trilogy back up again. 

and I don’t think it’s strictly rian johnson’s fault, this falls squarely on disney for not making this completely avoidable. rian had to try and work with what JJ left him, and JJ had to turn around and try to work with what rian left him. like if you’re going to have different directors, at least use the same writers. they clearly didn’t

It’s like…. way too much happened for one movie, while at the same time nothing actually happened at all. We’re back to the same exact point we were at at the end of return of the jedi, just this time all the skywalkers are dead

the first ten minutes I’m pretty sure actually gave me whiplash. going from a planet to another planet to another planet under 2.5 seconds with maybe 3 sentences of dialogue was migraine-inducing

palpatine looked like a fucking demon out of hell. my dad kept whispering DEW IT under his breath and I was losing it

he’s literally not explained at all, kylo knows he’s there, Rey knows he’s there, the FO and resistance know he’s there… and we’re just supposed to accept it lmao. apparently, he’s been there this whole time but now is when everyone starts to care 

palpatine also fucks, apparently

and like I get that this whole movie is about ~hope~ or whatever but it’s honestly just like this man railing a family for 3 generations and they all die before they’re free of him lmao

I really hate how luke and leia both knew rey was a palpatine all this time and still treated her like family anyway when they sent their on child and nephew away because he was “too much like vader” like what

the asian was shit all over once again, I literally do not trust white men with us but whatever

fight scenes were cool but way too quick, better than any we’ve had before in this trilogy. nothing has yet to touch duel of the fates or battle of the heroes though, rip r*ylo but obi wan, anakin, darth maul and qui gon are different

pacing was v weird

I’m really annoyed with how rey snapped at finn when all he wanted was to help her and didn’t tell him who she really was or what she was going through. they made her isolate herself from her friends and it was really ugly

they tried shoving what should have been three full-length movies into one

I guess JJ saying “we explain finn’s background and his family!!!” is just him meeting jannah and being like “oh we’re both ex stormtroopers? cool!” like ok, I was expecting actual backstory but okay

Not sure how rey and ben BOTH somehow got the power to heal someone

oh hey han

PACING WAS SO FUCKING WEIRD

this movie was clearly trying to do a lot of over-corrections from the last jedi instead of… letting it be. which just goes to show that disney shot itself in its trillion dollar foot because they for some reason tried going into a trilogy with different directors and writers for every movie 

great to see the knights of ren doing jack shit except get killed after 5 minutes total of screen time, literally what was the point of any of that. they sucked at their job

again, palpatine was great. didn’t know if we needed him for another trilogy, though. felt like we were beating a dead horse at this point. like, rey or kylo could have walked over and pulled the life support and he’d die in like a second

you could tell the last act was supposed to be emotional, but it moved so fast nothing resonated 

palpatine is just fucking stupid, like just stop shooting the lightning and he would have won, but whatever

no offense to kylo but idk how the weakest skywalker (she says subjectively) got the power to literally resurrect someone when anakin couldn’t even do it but I digress. it’s clearly that ~our true love can save us~ trope 

also speaking of anakin wasn’t ANYWHERE in this movie other than a quiet sentence even though he’s still the fucking chosen one, 0/10 automatically

like they had him say “bring back the balance as I have” LIKE OK IF THE BALANCE WAS TRULY BACK WHY IS THIS EVIL MAN STILL ALIVE HELLO I truly think the worst part of the trilogy is making anakin fail at what he was supposed to do

nice to know finn is force-sensitive FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE THE MOVIE ENDS AND WE NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

actually cried like a little BITCH when ben saw that rey was dead and was holding her body I gtg

the reylo kiss was cute I guess, rey looked really happy 

like I always knew and said he would die……… but I felt like he deserved to live after what he did. idk tho. his death didn’t sit well with me the way vader’s, or luke’s, or leia’s did.

PACING WAS SO FUCKINGGGGGG WEIRDDDDDDD like when ben died and rey was looking down at him my theater was all upset and then it just switched right to everyone celebrating rather than rey mourning for like more than a second and everyone was literally like wait what

didn’t really like the ending all that much but rey also never really did much for me, so sorry rey stans

I still can’t believe she buried anakin’s lightsaber, the man who hates sand more than anything else in the entire world, on the planet he was enslaved on. like, I’m so lost on why these little details were just forgotten about.

not sure how I feel about rey taking on the skywalker name, like on the surface it’s pretty cool because it’s becoming more of a group name (like the new “jedi” title), but I also don’t like how much they were talking about how anyone can be powerful no matter where you come from, just to turn around and make her both a palpatine and a skywalker anyway. idk, more on that later

also not sure how I feel about her starting and ending the trilogy alone lmao but she clearly found her place (even though she’s literally fucking alone) so I guess it works out

liked her saber but idk the mechanisms behind it bc I thought they needed a certain metal to contain the kyber crystal, but that would actually require jj to refer to source material and we know he doesn’t look past the movies so

idk I’m feeling pretty cynical bc endgame sucked ass and GOT sucked ass and so I guess star wars had to suck ass to complete the shitty conclusion trifecta 

all in all, it’s a decent movie, I guess, the more I sit on it. there’s not that many issues I have even though above may seem like a lot, but….

as much as I love finn and rose and poe and what they have given me over the years……. disney should have left star wars be in regards to the trilogy. literally nothing is different from the return of the jedi to now, just that all the skywalkers are now dead and anakin/darth vader died for literally no reason but whatever

[dweemeister]

NOTE: This review contains full spoilers.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

The ninth installment of the Skywalker saga is not only the conclusion to the Star Wars sequel trilogy, but to a decade where the Walt Disney Company has asserted itself as the most powerful entertainment company that has ever existed. The company, led by Chairman and CEO Bob Iger, is unrecognizable from where it was a decade ago, with Walt Disney Motion Pictures dominating, if not outright monopolizing, theater screens internationally. Unlike the movie moguls of yore such as Darryl F. Zanuck (20th Century Fox), Mack Sennett (Keystone Studios), David O. Selznick (Selznick International), or Jack Warner (Warner Bros.), Iger has a business background, not an artistic one. His respective $4 billion purchases of Lucasfilm and Marvel were decisions not made from cinematic considerations, but financial ones. The conservative artistry seen in Disney’s films in 2019 – including that other enormous blockbuster of the year, Avengers: Endgame – has evidenced where the company’s soul is. This is not the House of Mouse of Walt Disney, which ceased to be in 1968 after the final films Walt produced before his death were released to theaters.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is directed and co-written by J.J. Abrams (the other co-writer is Chris Terrio), who directed The Force Awakens (2015). The film goes out of its way to repudiate Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi (2017), which – though valued more than its predecessor by yours truly – unleashed a torrent of intra-fandom acrimony rooted in racism; sexism; and an unhealthy, uncritical merger of personal identity and pop culture franchise. This is not to absolve The Last Jedi of its plentiful shortcomings, but to comment on where the Star Wars fandom is upon the release of The Rise of Skywalker. The Rise of Skywalker is more of a continuation of The Force Awakens, and this includes Abrams’ propensity to craft variations on existing material. Yet even the most creative decisions in this ninth Star Wars episode are hampered by poor filmmaking, two-and-a-half films worth of plot stuffed into one, dreadful writing resulting in thematic inconsistencies and canonical contradictions that will be  explained away in some novel or video game, and an obvious lack of planning. The most concerning thing is that Star Wars’ reputation – despite my description of the series four years ago as, “a pastiche and always has been” – as an innovative force in cinema (even the prequels) has been lost. This is not the Star Wars of George Lucas, which ceased to be after Disney’s acquisition of Lucasfilm.

Without warning or foreshadowing, the opening crawl immediately states that Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) – who appeared to have died in Return of the Jedi (1983) – has broadcasted an ominous message to the galaxy. This message, which you can hear exclusively on Fortnite (this is not a joke), has caused widespread anxiety but, most importantly, has led Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) to Palpatine’s whereabouts. Palpatine has been orchestrating everything to seduce Kylo to the dark side, also revealing to the erstwhile Ben Solo that he has commissioned a fleet that will bolster the First Order’s by ten thousand-fold – a fleet that will send shivers down the spines of accountants anywhere. Elsewhere, Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher posthumously) is finalizing Rey’s (Daisy Ridley) Jedi training as Finn (John Boyega) and Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac; whose character is now Leia’s successor apparent) learn of the name of the planet where Palpatine is hiding, thanks to a well-placed spy. What follows is a series of fetch quests with the three central sequel trilogy heroes, accompanied by Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo), BB-8 (operated by David Chapman and Brian Herring), and C-3PO (Anthony Daniels).

The film features many others, most notably Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams), Resistance ally Jannah (Naomi Ackie), First Order General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson), Allegiant General Pride (Richard E. Grant doing his best Peter Cushing impression), Poe’s friend/acquaintance/Abrams and Terrio’s written excuse to make him straight Zorii Bliss (Keri Russell), and R2-D2 (Hassan Taj and Lee Towersey). Lupita Nyong’o’s Maz Kanata returns in a glorified cameo; a handful of deceased characters make postmortem appearances.

Rose Tico made Kelly Marie Tran the first (and only) non-white actress to play a lead role in a Star Wars film. The character, along with John Boyega’s Finn, was given a poorly-written C-plot in The Last Jedi – Tran (who was subjected to online abuse prior to and after The Last Jedi’s release) and Boyega did their damndest in some of the worst sequences Star Wars has. The filmmakers (it is not exactly clear who is responsible, whether it is the screenwriters or the producers) have capitulated to the online trolls who attacked Tran (and her character) for her appearance, gender, and race. Her exclusion and other decisions in this film dispose entirely The Last Jedi’s antithesis that one need not be from a hallowed bloodline or an exclusive order to exemplify the bravery, compassion, and service to others that is celebrated within and beyond Star Wars. Rose Tico, described as, “the heart of [The Last Jedi]”, is an embodiment of the idea that the consequences of the multigenerational violence initiated or inspired by the Skywalkers – and, by extension, the centuries-old conflict between the Jedi and the Sith – are felt most by those without Force capabilities, military or political power. The Rise of Skywalker, through its treatment of Rose Tico among other storytelling choices, openly rejects this commentary and opportunity to present an untold perspective in favor of dynastic interests and expositional excess.

For Finn and Poe, The Rise of Skywalker represents another missed opportunity for character development. Finn, from the moment he appears onscreen, is too busy speaking expository points. Poe is given a lady friend so that homophobic censors around the world do not give Disney’s distribution managers a difficult time. The interest surrounding Rey (whose arc, as a mythic hero finally realizing her horrible family history as a Palpatine, comes to a merely satisfactory conclusion in The Rise of Skywalker) and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo – and yes, that includes their bewildering relationship that Abrams himself cannot coherently explain – will be endlessly debated in greater detail by others with a greater emotional affinity for Star Wars.

As the embodiment for the First Order for almost all the sequel trilogy, Kylo Ren’s/Ben Solo’s about face to the light after being stabbed in the stomach by Rey is unconvincing. This is a character who has been presented with numerous opportunities to renounce the ways of the dark side of the Force and has spurned each opportunity – even after becoming Supreme Leader of the First Order in The Last Jedi, with no authority figure influencing his conduct, and fully understanding the difference between right and wrong. He has acted predatory towards Rey in the form of physical threats and has demonstrated no willingness to change. Abrams and Terrio’s solution is to have Kylo Ren hallucinate a forgiving Han Solo (Harrison Ford, uncredited) to inspire this change – they might as well have had an angel and devil on Kylo Ren’s opposing shoulders because it would have been just as believable.

Too many aspects of The Rise of Skywalker depend on fanservice. The appearances of individuals like Lando Calrissian and Luke Skywalker’s Force ghost (Mark Hamill) are welcome, but do not add enough to the film from what the filmmakers are intending. The introduction of new characters in the final film of a sequel trilogy is additional bloat that will be better developed in a future Star Wars book, television series, or video game. This is an irritating development, as ancillary Star Wars media is not guaranteed (okay, with Disney’s money it is probably a certainty) and probably will not be consumed by the masses (especially in several decades’ time) – these characters and other subplots should stand independently within the film they appear. Abrams and Terrio’s attempts to provide a morsel of character development to these secondary and tertiary characters should have occurred in earlier films or scaled back for The Rise of Skywalker. Death is apparently a reversible thing, robbing scenes of emotional power and exemplifying how gutless the screenplay is – certain developments in how the Force works have opened dangerous precedents for future Star Wars media, making it resemble more like superhero media (where only Bruce Wayne’s parents and Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben remain deceased). It is further evidence that, as has been widely speculated, that Abrams and Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy approved this sequel trilogy without a comprehensible three-part story or, at the very least, a general idea of how to develop a logical story arc for this project.

Other questions raised but not developed across The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi linger. The sequel trilogy dispenses with the tried-and-tested theory of the three-act narrative structure if analyzed from the entirety of the Skywalker saga – a trilogy of trilogies. Films and cinematic trilogies do not always adhere to this paradigm, but given how the previous eight episodes are told and how rigidly J.J. Abrams has kept to this structure in his career, it is stunning how the ninth episode completes the sequel trilogy’s incongruence with all that has come before. Episodes I, II, and III (“Act 1″) are the catalyst: with his fear unchecked and exploited by Palpatine, Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader and the Republic is overthrown by an authoritarian Galactic Empire. The Jedi Order is almost destroyed. Episodes IV, V, and VI (“Act 2″) sees the light confront the dark: Luke Skywalker becomes a Jedi and the Rebel Alliance lands a fatal, but not final, blow to the Galactic Empire. Anakin, “the Chosen One”, fulfills the prophecy of bringing balance to the Force.

Episodes VII, VIII, and IX (“Act 3″) – if we are assuming the traditional three-act structure that Star Wars has adopted in each of its films and the two preceding trilogies – should see how the protagonists create and maintain order leading up to and/or after the fall of the Galactic Empire. Thus, the sequel trilogy should see the reconstruction of the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order. More politics may not be what Star Wars fans want to see, but post-revolutionary/post-war states tend to be unstable politically and militarily. A post-Galactic Civil War period could easily see the violent death throes of Imperial and Sith-y remnants amid the restoration of the Republic. To quote from The Battle of Algiers (1966): “It’s hard to start a revolution. Even harder to continue it. And hardest of all to win it. But, it’s only afterwards... that the true difficulties begin.” Instead, this sequel trilogy is nothing more than a contemporary rehash of the second act. It is another dramatic second act confrontation, an escalation of the second act because we learn little about the post-Galactic Civil War period within the films. Palpatine’s zombified resurrection (Abrams’ responsibility) and defeat at the hands of Rey does not flow naturally from The Last Jedi and makes the final minutes of Return of the Jedi (which it partially copies in its climax) a lot less consequential than it should be. What should be the Skywalker saga’s third act is shoveled into the final ten or twenty minutes of The Rise of Skywalker.

The maximalism of The Rise of Skywalker requires it to juggle too many plotlines for an overlong fetch quest. It is not aided by the editing of Maryann Brandon (2009′s Star Trek, The Force Awakens) and Stefan Grube (The Force Awakens, 2016′s 10 Cloverfield Lane). In a series that has contained remarkable examples of film editing, The Rise of Skywalker is a franchise-worst – even the prequels had the decency to stay on certain shots for a few seconds to allow the audience to bask in the landscape, a certain character or creature, or a lightsaber duel. The film switches cameras too quickly, positioned too close to the characters. It occurs in the film’s quieter moments and during the climactic battles (the gold standard of editing in Star Wars battles is Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi v. Darth Maul in 1999′s The Phantom Menace; note how few cuts there are compared to most of today’s action movies and how Lucas is not afraid to pull his camera to a wide shot to let the scene feel larger than life as well as making spatial sense).

The Rise of Skywalker still feels like a space opera epic, with exciting action sequences abound here and there. The “secret sauce of Star Wars”, George Lucas will tell you, is not in the new worlds and aliens and those who use the Force. It is composer John Williams; The Rise of Skywalker is his final Star Wars score. This is not Williams’ best Star Wars score, but it is a masterful capstone to forty-two years of work. The newest and most fascinating musical ideas are both contained in the cue “The Rise of Skywalker”. Williams, whose motivic-heavy scoring relates ideas and grows alongside characters, provides a general main theme (0:00-0:54) and a friendship motif (beginning at 0:54) appearing in scenes where the bonds between Rey, Finn, and Poe are depicted. These few minutes exemplify how wondrous Williams’ ability to add complex harmonies underneath his soaring melodies is. Few other film composers living, if any at all, can have these two new musical ideas (these motifs are abnormally, but welcomingly, longer than usual for Williams) intermingling and in contrapuntal conversation to such mesmeric heights. 

The Emperor’s theme, as first heard in Return of the Jedi, makes its predictable and always-unsettling return here. But the other major motif introduced for The Rise of Skywalker is “Anthem of Evil”. This, introduced by choir, is expanded upon in “Approaching the Throne” and is befitting a being neither fully alive nor dead. The unsettling bass notes and low choir seem more appropriate for a horror film, but is entirely deserved for this film. One can also find excellent cues online (a favorite is “Falcon Flight”, which demonstrates the best of Williams’ action scoring) as of the writing of this review that do not appear on the initial commercial release album, but an album provided to Hollywood insiders for awards consideration (that album contains the best statement of Kylo Ren’s motif). This is a valedictory score, yet contains some of the best film music work of the year. We will give John Williams a pass if he is in a celebratory mood.

Williams has completed something that, in film history, only one other composer has accomplished. He stands alone with Akira Ifukube. Where Ifukube composed for Toho Company’s kaiju films/Godzilla franchise (from 1952′s Godzilla to 1995′s Godzilla vs. Destoroyah), Williams has composed for a multipart cycle of films released over several decades (nine films, like the nine symphonies of many classical music composers). Williams’ Star Wars cycle is the most popular example of what grand orchestral film music can do – how it lends greater emotional heft to images onscreen, its dramatic versatility, why it deserves a place in the concert hall and classical music history – among today’s audiences. The nine scores will be his defining work, but hopefully posterity will remember and see the genius of his compositions like Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977), Schindler’s List (1993), and even his strict classical music and jazz pieces.*

Kathleen Kennedy’s mismanagement of this sequel trilogy has been laid bare by The Rise of Skywalker. In four short years, Disney has somehow run one of its most prized IPs into the creative cinematic dirt by attempting to please as broad a base as possible in this ninth installment. The creative choices of the last several years and The Rise of Skywalker alone has made being a casual Star Wars fan exhausting. As someone who did not watch a Star Wars film all the way through until I was thirteen, has it always been this exhausting? One day that exhaustion will make way for relief, but that will be long after Bob Iger is hailed for his supposed moviemaking acumen with Star Wars and Marvel leading the way. Iger, as mentioned previously, has not been visionary but mercenary for the Walt Disney Company, with Kathleen Kennedy and Kevin Feige his enforcers. He will remain in charge of the Walt Disney Company until the end of 2021.

This Star Wars sequel trilogy, popular as it has been, has been an artistic misfire. J.J. Abrams, more of a hype man‡ than the B-director whose has never shaken off his television background, has somehow regressed from the ideologically bankrupt Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) – hey, Trekkies and Star Wars fans have something in common! The filmmakers chosen to bring The Rise of Skywalker and this sequel trilogy were baptized in waters created when George Lucas, Gary Kurtz, and others redirected the flow of film history with Star Wars. Star Wars may no longer be guided by Lucas’ vision, but the artistry that arrived in theaters in 1977 can never be washed away.

My rating: 5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

Also in this series: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015) and The Last Jedi (2017)

* These references to classical music history should not be construed as a claim that John Williams is an equal to Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, or Mahler - they are composing music in different artistic contexts (classical music for music’s sake is different from classical opera and both are contextually different compared to orchestral music written for a film). Instead, it is an acknowledgment that orchestral film music is gaining widespread acceptance as part of the classical music canon. Erich Wolfgang Korngold (1938′s The Adventures of Robin Hood), Alfred Newman (1962′s How the West Was Won), and Max Steiner (1939′s Gone with the Wind) created the vocabulary of film music in the early sound era and have - to varying degrees - been accepted into the classical music canon. The jury is out for the younger composers working in Hollywood in the twenty-first century.

‡ Abrams’ (and others as well) incessant teasing of LGBTQ+ representation resulted in a scene where two women we have no information about kiss in the background for a few moments after the Final Order’s defeat, surrounded by a bunch of Resistance soldiers also celebrating. Given the context, this kiss can be explained away as a moment of platonic affection that went further than it should (hypothetical: it’s nearing midnight at New Years’ Eve and folks are drunk everywhere... what do you think is going to happen?). Let’s not pat ourselves on the back now, filmmakers.

[starwarsfandomh8speopleofcolor]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

review with spoilers

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

Finn: was it necessary to have him get hit by literally every fucking character!? The ONLY ones who don't hit him or physically cause him any pain or inconvenience are Rey and Poe (and lbr it's possibly because they only have like .2 seconds of screentime together). His loyalty to Rey and how much she matters to him is amazing but it'd be nice if she remembered his existence at any point in time (i think she doesn't mention him once while she's trying to god fucking save kylo ren ew), but their reunion was AMAZING.

Poe: OOC much? He's nice and caring! Not a hotheaded ass who doesn't follow orders - where's his respect for Leia? Where's Leia's respect for him? What the fuck was Rian doing implying god damned DAMEREY AT THE END OF THAT MOVIE!? I mean, all through the movie he made it OBVIOUS that he hates finnrey. At least he seems to dislike reylo, too, but as my mom would say mal de muchos consuelo de tontos.

His first scene with General Ugh? Amazing and the most in character thing he did in the movie!

Paige: only there to be killed, but i think that much was obvious. I'll use this space to complain about the fact that ALL the graphic deaths of the movie were of people of color. Paige Tico, Jessika Pava (or I think it was her, we saw her face .2 seconds before her x-wing was set on fire), a random black man from the resistance who says one line before he dies.... Like I get it! THE FIRST ORDER HATES MINORITIES AND WANTS THEM DEAD YOU DON'T NEED TO SHOW US THAT GRAPHICALLY WE G E T IT. It was also painfully clear that everyone on TFO was white, which is why I think it was on purpose - if this movie made one thing clear was that they are the bad guys, plain evil. Definitely parallel irl fascists. 

Kyle: let's rule the galaxy together; Rey: you're choosing a path I can't take. Vader: i'll overthrow him and you and i can rule the galaxy together (blah blah); Padme: you're going down a path I can't follow. Reylos: lose their shit. As if:

the first half of the movie wasn't full of luke and leia and kyle and rey parallels - ya know, who are siblings. looks like Rey Solo will be canon?

 their force bond wasn't made as part of a ploy by Snoke

 the next thing that vader does after telling padme that wasn't to physically assault her like talk about abuse apologist assholes ffs.

I'm SO MAD that the spark line wasn't spoken by poe! It was said by the white lady with the purple hair (i wanna punch her in the face t b h)

Let me make one (1) comment about a white character: are you telling me that Luke Skywalker, the ONLY PERSON IN THE GALAXY who doesn't hate Vader, who thought there might be REDEMPTION for him, would even 'fleetingly consider' striking down his TEENAGED, SLEEPING NEPHEW WHO HADN'T DONE ANYTHING BAD YET? just make it clear that you just wanna jack off to kylo ren and go. His trick at the end was A+ though that was the first time I see people clapping in the cinema, definitely the best force trick in all the movies tbqh

Finnrose kiss (rose kisses a very startled finn): they knew each other for less than a day but at the end Rose says she loves him? mmmmmmMMMMmM. And later on Rey and Poe shily smile at each other like 'im poe' 'im rey' 'i know' (me: 'kiss my ass'). This man (rian) HATES finnrey. @ JJ don't disappoint i beg u. (btw no hate to finnrose, i dont particularly care about it but the whole thing is sketchy u know). Finnrey's reunion, their beautiful hug at the end, though, tells me that ?Maybe we’re gonna turn Star Wars into Star Telenovela? Whateverrrrrrrr. I wouldn't hate a finn v rey v rose love triangle, but I fear how it'd be delivered.

This whole movie is the longest in the franchise and the majority of it happens in the course of like...12 hs at most? It’s really inconcistent.

Rose was an awesome character! I’d have preferred it if she hadn’t been introduced this way (no need to kill his sis on screen damn, she would have been in that stair and she would have seen Finn anyway), but she’s really smart and kind.

Finn is the gift that keeps on giving! AND HE DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS SHIT DIRECTOR HAVING HIM SLAPPED AND STUNNED LEFT AND RIGHT! by Phasma (who he later kills but ok), by those officers in the casino, by Rose... 

Poe, as I said, was out of character, but I’m not sure I agree with the people who say he was sexualised by Leia and Holdo? Like maybe the subtitles lied but they only said they like him? Did Holdo mistreat him? yes. Did he deserve better from Leia than getting slapped and later on stunned? Yes! (but lbr that was ooc from leia too, she didn’t hit han when she was younger and more impulsive *ahem* and they spent their whole time fighting, but nah let’s demote my commander because he saved us from certain death).

Btw why should I care about Holdo? we didn’t know her and she treated other rebels like shit so....yeah she and leia were friends but WHERE was it stablished!? AND WHY WASN’T THE SPARK LINE ORIGINALLY POE’S! I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT IT FROM HER! 

best part of the movie: REYLO IS NOT CANON WOOHOO, I had read that they basically made out on screen wtf, reylos are on crack. That’s what drove me to tell y’all to go watch it right after I left the theather The only thing rey does is to call him a monster many times and then go to him when she gets a force vision of him turning to the light (which doesn’t happen btw). They do fight together but later she tries to kill him again so.

I thiiiink I'm not forgetting anything but if you've got any questions or wanna add something send it in with a spoilers warning for the other mods, thanks!

Mod A.