beardycarrot

[beardycarrot]

[beardycarrot]

dear diary

today on my practice exam i said that i would give a patient a simple carbohydrate snack to address their hypoglycemia symptoms because i didn't notice that the patient was fucking unconscious

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It looks like a little steel balance toy. I want to pick its head and watch it rock back and forth

Skarmory Pre-evolution

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hey can you guys keep an eye on my red explosive barrels while i go take a nap

do NOT smoke weed beside them

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It occurs to me that I never got around to posting my wedding photos on Tumblr... so, here they are! Well, a curated selection of them, anyway.

I'll start with.... some dirty rags? Well, this is actually how we ended up choosing our venue. The place we were considering announced they would be hosting The Mud Games, in which brides compete in a mud wrestling / hold-onto-the-ball game, to win free use of the venue. So, y'know, we HAD to enter.

My wife, CJ, happens to have a background in wrestling... and a background in basketball... and a background in marching band tuba. Needless to say, out of anyone there, she had the most relevant experience when it comes to grappling, clutching something in your arms, and not letting someone take it from you for extended periods.

I made sure that CJ gave her vows first, because, always planning ahead, I'd prepared two sets of vows.

...Okay, maybe that's not entirely true.

There was no official dress code of any kind, but my sisters understood the assignment nonetheless. I'm not sure what part of my vows garnered that reaction.

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: in any given candid picture you take of CJ, there's like a 30% chance that her tongue is going to be outside of her mouth.

.....Do with that information what you will.

Ever the innovator, CJ made her own bouquet, so that she could hide her phone and a selfie stick inside.

A lot of wedding receptions apparently use dead/dying flowers as the table centerpieces, which is... kinda weird, so we opted to use live potted plants instead. CJ added a bunch of little pictures of us and our dogs to them.

...and for anyone looking too closely...

...Every centerpiece also had a hidden clown figure!

Well, except for this one. This one had a hidden clown DOG figure. Oh, and speaking of dog figures...

We opted to do cupcakes, but still wanted a slightly larger cake to cut, so I painted some Christmas tree ornaments to match the markings on our dogs. This is... pretty accurate, to their personalities.

Obligatory CJ tongue.

You thought I was exaggerating? Solid 30%.

Of course, she's in good company. SURPRISE WEDDING SNAKE!

It's Florida, so, y'know... there's gonna be reptiles. My sister was so infatuated that she ended up finally pulling the trigger and getting a pink corn snake shortly after this.

I'm not even cherry-picking this is just the woman I married.

The headband she's wearing here, and the matching boutonniere on my tuxedo, were made by the lovely @seraphica! To whom I sent an invitation just because you send invitations to everyone regardless of whether they'll be able to attend, which bounced back and ended up in my mailbox in mid-January. So, that's unfortunate.

Anyway, you can find her handcrafted accessories on Etsy!

Is this one cheating? Eh. Counting it.

That's the face of entirely too much tongue motion being used to eat a tiny piece of cake.

Closing out the night, we took the rowboat out into the venue's pond for a photo op. Totally didn't injure myself doing so, nope, not at all.

...EVERYBODY POLKA!!

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pocket neopet that never existed

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what the hell even is a webp image. i dont care fuck why cant you play nice and just be a png. asshole image

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What

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The joy this brought me…. Unspeakable

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Now that's what I call a JAYPEG!

A real STARCHIVE, they've got there!

Maybe someday we'll be sharing encrypted data on the FLOCKCHAIN!

Waitwait there's definitely something in here about cloud--

wtfffff

[beardycarrot]

A lot of people around me are having kids and every day it becomes more apparent that hitting your children to punish them is insane because literally everything can be a horrible punishment in their eyes if you frame it as such.

Like, one family makes their toddler sit on the stairs for three minutes when he hits his brother or whatever. The stairs are well lit and he can see his family the whole time, he’s just not allowed to get up and leave the stairs or the timer starts over. He fucking hates it just because it’s framed as a punishment.

Another family use a baseball cap. It’s just a plain blue cap with nothing on it. When their toddler needs discipline he gets a timeout on a chair and has to put the cap on. When they’re out and about he just has to wear the cap but it gets the same reaction. Nobody around them can tell he’s being punished because it’s in no way an embarrassing cap, but HE knows and just the threat of having to wear it is enough.

And there isn’t the same contempt afterwards I’ve seen with kids whose parents hit them. One time the kid swung a stick at my dog, his mother immediately made him sit on the stairs, he screamed but stayed put, then he came over to my dog and gently said “Sorry Ellie” and went back to playing like nothing happened, but this time without swinging sticks at the nearby animals.

[beardycarrot]

"I think this Category of human being is disposable" okay that not only sucks and is fascist but also makes getting you to deem someone to be disposable a simple matter of convincing you they're in The Category regardless of the truth. Also The Category is often misapplied to a vulnerable minority because it makes people like you agree they're disposable.

"Anyone who disagrees with me about The Category of people being disposable is a Category apologist or probably also in The Category themselves" Oh so you're just totally unconcerned with truth or justice or ethics or human rights and just are feeding your bloodlust for the sake of revenge fantasies. got it 👍

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@littleguysdaily Splorpability off the charts

i haven't shared any of my tiktok likes for awhile so here's one i think of almost every single day

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