#usually I have at least three different types of projects going on at once so that doesn't happen but fuck around find out ig

[the-skin-inthe-bath-is-mine]

I really need to post photos from that feelings don't exist only move hands phase that happened.

I made

A crochet cardigan that still needs to be dyed green.

6 crochet roses and 8 calla lilies. I currently only have one of each on my possession.

3/4 heads from bee testing sewed up. Still gotta work on the bodies.

Most of a crochet baby blanket done. Gotta do one more.

Sketches for a cardigan for myself because Jesus fuck I think the only large crochet project I kept specifically for myself is the scrap granny square blanket. Will be fandom specific just haven't decided what one yet. Also, yes, I am ashamed of myself.

Finished the embroidery bases for 10cm testing pt.2 and a possible birthday present for sibling no.4

[voxaholic]

Character Info For My Bojack Inspired Human Au

Hollywood Losers Au

Val & Vox

-Hollywood’s messiest on and off couple of just about 20 years

-extremely codependent: Val makes messes, Vox cleans them up, that’s how they work

-Vox has a shit ton of spyware on all Val’s phones and a tracker on his car and it’s only partially out of insane possessiveness. Vox’s creepy bullshit has saved Val’s life on occasion 

-“Did you hide my fucking guns, Vox?” “Yes! And the fact that you’re even looking for them right now means I’m really glad I did!”

-Met on a set when Vox was still an actor and have been making each other miserable ever sense

-Gossip rags love them. Every piece of info about them is insane

-There are at least three twitter accounts keeping track of whether they are on or off again

-Neither of them would classify the relationship as abusive but from the outside observer, it definitely is

-Val is under the assumption that Vox is happy with their status quo and Vox is, until he isn’t 

-Velvette thinks one of them is going to end up killing the other eventually 

-they get into a lot of very physical fights. Vox usually comes out worse for wear

-see when a person with a disorganized attachment style and someone with an anxious attachment style get into a situationship…

Val

-43 but still lives and dresses like he’s in his early 20s

-semi washed-up actor that got his start on some sort of law and order-esque tv show

-has bleached and dyed his poor hair far beyond repair but it is still hanging in there somehow

-has had six PR managers quit on him over the last year and a half alone

-personal life goal is to do every drug once

-trying to fill the hole in his heart with hedonism. he thinks it’s working (it is not)

-self identified queer icon

-lots and lots of shallow acquaintances/fuck buddies, very few people he would consider close

-interested in the concept of a pet but every pet he’s ever had has either died of neglect or been taken in by Vox

-outward narcissism hides a deep yawning insecurity that he’s not even fully aware of

-self sabotages a lot

-likes to be taken care of and babied but only by Vox

-retweets his own callout posts on twitter (Vox deletes the retweets but screenshots exist)

-afraid of committing himself to anything

Vox

-45 and dresses like it

-greying early (he says it’s because of Val and Val thinks he’s joking. he isn’t)

-officially Val’s agent but also unofficially, his pr manager because every actual hired PR manager keeps quitting 

-a fake bitch who doesn’t give a shit about 99% of people

-unfortunately once he starts giving a shit about someone he can’t really stop giving a shit

-has run several financial scams

-has done so much white collar crime

-gotten Val off for so much shit, like really, so much fucking shit

-briefly a child actor. it ended badly 

-apathetic about most things outside of work but fakes it well enough 

-always has like 18 different side projects going

-wants to marry Val to finally get some sense of stability in their relationship

-a control freak who needs to know what Val is up to 24/7

-the one who cooks in the relationship. he’s not good at it and Val complains constantly about how bland his food is but he still eats it

-has a blue pitbull puppy named Vark who he loves like a son

-he’s THAT type of dog dad

[anteroom-of-death]

Teacher's Pet part 1

Synopsis: The Doctor notices a student. She notices him.

a/n: thank u to the moots for sticking with me. Yall are the best. This is going to be a series. Somewhat of a dark!doctor ish fic maybe. I haven't planned this far. I have ideas. Will switch between a 3rd party but doctor centric POV and a 2nd party student centric POV.

The sun drew itself in on the cold day, light filtering through large windows in the lecture hall. It caught and reflected the motes of light swirling around. First day of the Spring term. Lots of new students trickled in and found their respective seats. Of course, the syllabus was now online and such. But the Doctor still preferred to give a paper one. He felt it helped students focus if they had it real and tangible…unable to forget.

Just like he forgot so much. A lingering pain….

He started up his usual dazzling spiel. Enough to keep them from dropping out, but not enough to rile them to madness. He learned that lesson early on in this particular charade he was distracting himself with. All he had to really do was keep Missy in the Vault and attempt to rehabilitate her. Humans were such a delicate group to keep balanced. Too much stimulation and they would self destruct. Not enough? The same but in a reverse spiral.

Or just fall asleep.

He preferred it if a few actually did fall asleep.

Allowed him to build a reputation as a teacher. Keep the act up.

He didn’t notice the young woman intently staring, writing down the key phrases from his opening statements. He was enraptured in the normal routine he has become familiar with.

The hour came to a close, and he did a bow. He was to visit Missy again some time soon. Just a cursory check. See if she’d calmed down from her last temper tantrum, where she demanded a saxophone and stated that Billy Clinton was also a war criminal, but made some sweet jazz.

He could hardly agree. She already was a mediocre piano player. And the drum set she demanded earlier lay in tatters in her cupboard.

Being her keeper and therapist was rotten work, but it warmed him. Gave him a gram of hope that she may get better and he may have his friend back once more.

Though, he knew in both is hearts, hope could be a fragile thing for a man to hold onto.

But, especially in this body, he believed in redemption and change. They both had forever to change. They had forever.

A few weeks had passed, and he noticed that keen eyes were burning the back of his neck as he scrawled on the chalkboard. It felt different than the usual glazed-over focus of people trying to write or type out his valid points. It was hot and felt more personal. Less trying to pass a class.

He paused his sentence and raked his eyes over. It was a student with large gold hoops and a few tangled gold necklaces. The Doctor recognized two or three of the symbols used on some of them from his travels through Earth’s history. She was chewing hard on her pen. He could see flecks of her tinted chap stick clinging onto the sides of it. Her eyes were squinted slightly and a slight patch of blush rested on her checks. He couldn’t tell if it was a make up look or some feverish feature of her human body. Perhaps she was in the first phases of getting sick!

He went back to his lecture. Some misfocused student was the least of his concern.

But he still felt her eyes bore into him. Intent on something. He trudged on.

He came to a close, reminded everyone of their upcoming projects and let the day start to rest. The Doctor announced that his office hours were changing to represent the spring coming soon and to “Allow you all to feel the sun on your faces, you don’t know how long you’ll have. Humans usually only live once!”

He scanned the audience and saw her shoving her notebook and that well-gnawed on pen into her bag. Big purse with a rhinestone buckle. Resembled something that Rose or Jackie would have had, he mused.

She slung that and a tote bag that seemed overstuffed and ripe for the breaking over her shoulder. She audibly groaned under the weight. He pitied her. The stressed look she had on her face was oddly enchanting in the light just starting to sink.

He knew she was struggling in the class. She did good work, yes. When he opened up questions and debate, she usually had such pointed takes that verged on mind-racing. Sometimes others would bristle against what she said on the more provocative topics he offered up. Essays and tests? Not so much. She floundered.

She had accommodations for some diagnosis or whatever. He could tell her mind was making connections in a far more tangential way than the other’s either couldn’t or wouldn’t make. And for that he did like her. Enjoyed what she brought to the table. Although, even his brains had difficulty making some of the leaps her brain did.

But why was she staring at him like that today? It was almost reverent. Very off putting.

She came forward to his desk and clicked open her notes app .

“Erm…Professor.” She cleared her throat and started up. “Uh, I was wondering if I could see you sooner rather than later. For office hours. I’m sorry for my late essay last week. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t focus and I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time lately. May I have some insight or whatever you want on how I could do better. I know I’m doing…like, so bad.” She confessed and exhaled on the final note of her punctuation.

She turned a new type of stare towards him. Less intense and personal and more of a thousand-yard death grip.

Her entire demeanor in this moment was very lamb like. A confused air of innocent need to do well, to pass her classes, clouded her.

A weaker man would have felt more predatory, he noted.

She wasn’t unattractive for a human, not like past companions he worshiped the ground of. Of course. He was drawn to them for their natures, often ignoring their faces wholesale.

She started to chew and rip at her pinky nail and lower lip simultaneously…

“Of course,” He said. “I have to go help a friend with something, so I have to talk and walk.”

She nodded eagerly and gave such an appreciative smile. “Thanks!” The words came out so quickly, almost breathlessly.

She trotted along side him.

Once outside, they started discussing her options. She had to work nights, she stated, she said so they were arranging a time to work in a little extra help and tutoring.

He genuinely enjoyed her company and led her to a bench.

“What about your friend?” She asked.

“Oh, Nardole can handle himself.” He smiled. “He’ll not miss me for an extra four or five minutes.”

She laughed a bit.

She plunged her hand into her purse and started rifling around. It was a chaotic sight.

She produced a pack of cigarettes and a tiny green plastic lighter.

“Do you mind? I’m trying to quit, but it’s been hell lately.” She grimaced.

He shook his head, no, he didn’t mind. It wouldn’t affect him. Her, yes. But one little luxury, especially if she was trying to quit.

“So long as it’s your last for a while.” He took the teacherly route.

She lit up and took a huge drag. Closing her eyes he noticed that deep look of exhaustion had given her dark purple and almost black under eye circles. She had apparently tried to cover them up with some make up products and some mascara and smudged eyeliner. She held that breath in for a few seconds. It was almost beautiful.

She exhaled and fluttered them open. The smoke wisped and flew away quickly in the gentle breeze.

“Yeah, thanks. People get so weird about smoking. But they’ll vape? Like, indoors. All the time.” She rolled her eyes at that mildly hypocrisy.

They planned for her to meet up with him in his office on Monday just before the lunch hour. Then turned the conversation to some topics in debate that another student, a male who irked her with his constant urge to play Devil’s Advocate. She had some very often-overlooked viewpoints and a very bizarre way of describing things. It was enchanting.

“Thanks.” She ignored a boundary and squeezed his hand. He felt a holy jolt of electricity go up his arm from the small touch. “I gotta go…you’ve got a friend. Works been slow and I have some…appointments. So I have to make sure I’m perfect.” She elaborated with an almost tic-like shake of her head.

“Yes, my friend is probably going insane dealing with our little issue.” He responded in kind. Missy had probably caused Nardole to melt down or malfunction.

He watched her leave towards the bus stop. Her bags hitting her back as she rushed. Her coat barely covering her bottom and the belt caught in the hem of it. He felt himself feeling almost physically unable to leave the bench. Something tugging at his gut was preventing him from doing so. It felt akin to what River and Clara evoked in him but different.

River and Clara were strong and capable, avant-garde. Self-confident. Cocky. But this student was seemingly the inverse. Very vulnerable and nervous to the point of a near imperceptible, even to him with his keen Time Lord senses, shake and a heart that was audibly racing in its cage. Coupled with her addiction to cigarettes and minor tendency towards self mutilation via near-constant picking and chewing…

Something dark, but heartwarming rushed through his core and took root.

He felt himself deeply looking forward to Monday.

[goodluckclove]

How Clove Gardener Writes (an Overview)

I definitely told myself when I started this blog a billion years ago, at the dawn of human civilization, that I wouldn't make any attempt to tell you how to write. You know - other than saying just do it do the thing write it close the blog open the document type type three sentences bam look you did it good job i love you now go get yourself a treat.

But I've spoken to a few writers who seem to benefit from the insight of me just explaining how I write. So I thought I'd give a little peek into my own mindset. I cannot stress enough that this is what works for me. It's a methodology that I've built up over the course of like fifteen years of trying different things, keeping what works, and throwing the rest right out the goddamned window.

If any of this seems new and appealing give it a try. If it doesn't help I'm wrong and bad as a person (no I'm kidding but seriously if it doesn't work that's fine and we're both fine). If it helps you owe me a picture of a frog drawn from memory.

Let's see how long I ramble. Follow me under the read more!

Okay, so let's get this out of the way. I've never taken a writing class. No, that's not true. I took one when I was thirteen and another one in high school and I don't remember anything either of them taught me. Oh and I took an online creative writing class in college, but I also didn't retain anything and the next year I dropped out of college. So I also don't have a degree in jack shit.

What else? I don't outline. I've written upwards of 15 novels (13-15, I honestly can't remember) and I did not outline any of them. This includes character sheets and worldbuilding lore. My first published novel Blind Trust was born from the concept of the Lover's Knot, which is just like some witchy magic lore. I thought it would be cool so I was like "who could maybe be some guys" and then I introduced some guys and then bam 180k later it was Scott and Edgar.

I do virtually no preparation to write a novel other than the vaguest premise and maybe like one cool scene. I did not have a cool scene for Blind Trust, but I do have one for Migration Patterns. What I don't have is an ending. I don't think I've ever written a novel knowing how it ends.

Literally here's what I do. This is all I do. I sit down and I write until I don't know what's going to happen next, at which point I step away and I listen to some music or I go to the museum or I take a nap until I decide how to continue. That's it.

For me it's going to the zoo every day and seeing the monkeys. And every day they're doing something different. Sometimes they're sleeping, or they're pawing at each other, or they're gathering sticks. I can call out to them and offer to show them a card trick or share my Bugles with them, and they might come up to the wall of the enclosure to see what I'm doing. Or they might not. I do not really have control of the situation, but it doesn't matter because they aren't fully aware of me.

At some point either I have to leave the zoo for some reason. Maybe I'm tired, or maybe the monkeys have been pulled in to be fed their lunch (it's bananas and peanuts). Either way I add that day's behavior to the pile and then come back tomorrow.

Once I find an ending I go back and I read through the book again and trim any fat that's in the wrong places while adding flesh to some naked bones. Then I wait a week or more (usually I can only wait a week) and go back and do it again. By that point it's ready to hopefully have someone read it, after which I make small edits and tweaks.

That's how I do it. Or at least, that's how I do it for longform prose projects that I plan to publish. I've written plenty of novels that just stayed first drafts because I didn't feel like revising them and then I moved on to the next one. I don't regret that. I don't consider it a waste of time.

I would never consider a trip to the zoo a waste of time.

Anyways, that's what works for me. I don't know if all of this will apply to other brains. I don't know if any of it will. I figure it might just be useful to get an in-depth look at what I personally vibe with.

I'm so down to talk writing at any time, by the way. I love to do it. Tell me why you aren't writing and I would be happy to listen and try to help. Or just brainstorm. Seriously, my DMs and inbox are perpetually open. Talking about writing is one of my favorite things to do.

Let's go look at some monkeys together.

[armpirate]

I hate how bad I want you (Part 3) || San

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

pairing: CEO!Choi San x fem!reader || Boss x employee

w.c.: 5.2k

Warnings: Smut, switch!San x switch!reader, male masturbation, oral sex (male receiving), teasing, unprotected sex, name calling, dirty talk, rough sex, multiple orgasms, creampie. If you're a minor, refrain from reading it. Also, if you don't like this content, just keep scrolling.

Summary: You didn't think that one time thing with your boss would mark you as hard, but it did. To the point that it got you craving for more every time you saw him in the office. At least, until you got it.

It had been three weeks since that night. And while you thought you'd be able to shrug it off and get over it, the truth was that you thought about it more than what you'd have liked to admit. But unlike you, San seemed to be on a completely different page.

He suddenly went from calling you every single time, with any excuse about meetings and projects, to avoiding you as much as possible. There were no reminders needed from you, no presentations preparations either. You were back at doing exactly what his father had you doing when he hired you. You were back at your calm position and daily tasks. Mistakes also decreased -he went from fucking it up once or twice a day, to go a full week without messing it up. All his work was perfect and stable, to the point that you'd overhear his father constantly praising his son. You remembered that once he even approached you, thinking you were behind the big change. And maybe you were.

Along with his attitude, he also set some limits, starting from the opened door that always allowed him to take quick glances at you whenever he lifted his eyes from the computer.

But if there was something more confusing than San's change, it was your thoughts. You should've felt relaxed and relieved. Instead, you were annoyed and anxious about it. Did you really offend him to the point of him totally ignoring you? Did you actually screw any kind of chance at repeating what happened?

And every single time that thought crossed your mind, you scolded yourself for it. You didn't want it to happen again, you shouldn't want it to happen again. You didn't want it again. Yet every day you'd go to work, hoping he'd leave the door open and you'd hear from him and his excuses.

You for sure loved having a hard time. There was no other explanation.

For the first time since you got there that morning, you got distracted from your own thoughts when you heard his voice. San looked radiant when you dared to look at him, with a fit that you weren't sure you had seen before. Or maybe you did, and you just tried to excuse yourself from keeping your eyes on him for so long. Just like he usually did after that night, he nodded at you, and muttered a cordial "Good morning", before he entered his office. Door closed, as something he got used to doing.

You pressed your lips together, gaze dropping to your keyboard as you tried to convince yourself you weren't bothered about it at all. You didn't like San. You actually hated the fact that you were weak enough to agree with that intercourse you two had. You were actually thankful he started to ignore you and made your work life a bit easier.

While you typed on the computer, answering to some of the clients' mails that were sent overnight, or earlier in the morning, you found some peace in your mind. Although it didn't last long, your thoughts went back to him as soon as he sent you a chat, confirming whether his schedule was free for the day or not.

Why did he suddenly change after that night? Nobody changes as fast, at least not without a proper reason.

You started to get annoyed at yourself. Before, it was San the one who got on your nerves, but now it was you, bringing him up every single time for no reason at all.

Your rant at yourself was stopped by a female voice. Looking up, you found a gorgeous tall woman who looked down at you with crossed arms, and an impatient expression.

"Can I help you?" a fake smile was soon drawn on your face.

"I'm here to see San" she mentioned, as if that were obvious.

Just a few minutes ago, you confirmed to him he had no schedules for the day. So you just acted as you were instructed when you first joined the company. "You should make an appointment first" trying to sound as calm and respectful as possible, you invited her to schedule a meeting.

The brunette just scoffed, moving her eyes away before they were back on you.

"An appointment" she muttered under her breath. "Do you know who I am?"

"Someone who doesn't have an appointment with Mr. Choi" you answered with a smile.

It seemed like the tone you used, and the way you seemed to be mocking her, didn't help to calm down the situation and it only annoyed her more, because she was about to throw a big tantrum. And she probably would have if San hadn't exited his office, probably confused by the screams that were coming from your desk.

"Doyun, I thought you wouldn't be able to make it" he greeted her.

Guided by San himself towards his office, she looked at you over her shoulder, throwing an annoying smile that you for sure would have loved to erase with a fast slap; while the person you hoped would actually pay attention to you, just completely ignored you while walking behind her, although this time he didn't close the door.

It was as if he had wanted you to witness what was going on inside there, but you could only feel the sensation of your blood boiling at every smile she aimed at him, or how she closed her legs and waved her proud when her blue dress lifted a bit higher than her middle thigh. At some point, you could even see her tapping her fingers playfully over his desk, before she bent her body onwards while laughing hysterically.

Whatever he said, you were sure it wasn't that funny.

Almost two hours later, you realized you were right when you chose to take your break earlier while she was there, sure that the brunette would be gone when you were back. And, maybe, if you were lucky enough, both of them would be gone. Although that thought didn't sit well with you for some reason.

Before you were even able to leave your bag on your chair, you heard your name being pronounced in an authoritarian voice you had never heard from him. Looking up, you saw him looking at you, with one hand supporting his head while the other was hanging in the air, two fingers motioning you to get to his office.

"Close the door" he demanded.

Confused, you closed your door behind you. It became a habit for the past three weeks, but he still kept it open today. It would have been better if you hadn't assumed shit.

"What's wrong?" both of your hands were intertwined in front of you.

"I don't think you asked for permission to take a break earlier" his jaw was twisted after that comment, while his eyes pierced through your body intensely.

"It didn't seem like you needed me here anyways" you answered back, trying to absorb some of his energy.

"What if a customer had called?" San lifted his eyebrow "What if something urgent had come up while you were gone?" he sighed. "What should I have done then? Cover your ass? Saying that the person in charge of that task went to her break earlier than usual, because she was bored?".

You hated to admit that he was right. His father already warned you about the long breaks. You weren't monitored every time you went to the bathroom, but you had a fixed schedule that marked your lunch break, and two other shorter breaks -one in the morning, and the other one in the afternoon. The fact that you omitted that just because you were annoyed bothered you more than him. Especially now that you were being called out.

"Sorry" you lowered your gaze, staring at the shiny tips of your stilettos.

"You better be" he muttered.

"You were too busy anyways. I didn't want to interrupt you".

And there was the final comment that he was waiting for. While talking with Doyun, his eyes were all the time on you. San was able to tell the way you were trying to read through every single one of her movements, and how you were getting annoyed at every giggle -by the way your jaw clenched and your lips were pressed together. He'd be lying to himself if he had said he didn't keep the door open on purpose.

He had known Doyun for years. She was the type of customer that thought she could get away with anything, and that would also throw herself on him at the minimum chance -as she usually did whenever they met.

He had been trying hard to step back and control himself. He took the first step the first time, and now it was your turn. Although it was taking you longer than he hoped it would. With every new day, he'd add a new barrier that would set him further -hopeful that it would work. But instead, you seemed to be okay with it all.

At least until today.

"What's with the tone?" he tilted his head.

"Nothing" you shrugged. "You just seemed to be too entertained to be interrupted".

"You seemed bothered by it"

"Not at all" you finished "Although it'd be great if, next time, you close the door or take that kind of meeting somewhere else. It kept distracting everyone in the office".

"It seems like you were the only one distracted though" he snapped back.

There was no reply from your side. At least nothing else than just an annoyed huff, before you turned on your heels and left the office before you could be aware of his smirk.

Ever since that day, something in his attitude shifted again, although not back to the bad days. It was like a mix, actually. He'd leave the door of his office open, just like before, making sure you're aware he was staring at you. And if you weren't, he'd try to get your attention by sending you a private message, which always led to you looking up and meeting with his wild gaze. And San would also use that same tactic during the meetings, making it hard for you to take notes as his eyes looked into your soul. You could tell he was paying no attention to anything that was being said at that moment, and would only know after he read your notes.

It got serious that morning though, when you found each other -almost locked- inside the storage closet. It was narrow, enough for your bodies to rub against each other if you both thought you had to walk next to each other, but long enough to keep a safe distance until that time came.

Someone from the Marketing team asked you to get some files for them as a favor, because you usually were the one who kept that place neat and tidy -and in that moment you were thankful for them. But you didn't know why San was there, and it wasn't like you cared either.

"Did you follow me here?" you stepped towards him, aiming to the door. But also aware that you'd be trapped in between his body and the shelf a few steps onwards.

"Nope" with both of his hands inside his slacks, he walked towards you.

You didn't stop on your tracks when you realized he was getting closer, it was as if you were craving his warmth somehow -even with that simple proximity. Trying to get as much free space for each other as possible, you stuck your back to the shelf, and he did the same -with the slight difference that he was closer to your body than the wall behind him. The heart beating on your chest raced fast when you were face to face, and he lifted his arm, blocking your way out.

San was giving you that intense look again, that made your knees go weak for him. You could swear he was bending over slowly, and you were sure he was going to kiss you when his warm breath caressed your lips -instantly having you parting them, to receive everything he was going to give you. But he moved to your ear instead, letting you feel his sided smile when he said "Get back to work".

Confused. You were confused when he stepped back, taking a yellow file, before he made his way towards the exit. You couldn't see his face, but just the way he was walking got you convinced he knew perfectly what he did.

He was tempting you, putting you over the edge every day. And even if you didn't want to admit it, you were down for it. You were done avoiding him, and playing cool as if you weren't excited every time you got to work, with just the idea of seeing him eventually.

You wanted him, and you hated it.

"I hope to see you tonight" he randomly mentioned, before he actually left.

You gulped at the remaining liquid in your glass, looking around as you tried to come up with an excuse. You thought there was nothing worse than a company dinner, but there was. And it was a company dinner sitting across Choi San, with his eyes digging into you as you gave up on trying to resist it, feeling naked under his gaze -but also loving the sensation of being looked at that way by him.

San got you so deep in his spiral that you completely forgot Marshall was there, sitting right next to you.

It was 2 am when you all decided to finish the night, you agreed with the few that came up with the idea of going back home, while Marshall tried to make a move on you by offering a ride back to your place. Few months ago, that'd have been perfect, but after your date -and after your little problem with San-, you were thinking hard to come up with an excuse.

"Can you stay for a short while?" hearing that voice seemed like you heard trumpets sighting the victory. "I need to discuss something with you".

"I'll see you on Monday, then" Marshall told you. The disappointment in his voice was quite obvious, and you could also tell with his body language as he walked away.

A few seconds of silence surrounded you two, before he spoke again. "You should be honest with him".

You turned to him, confused at his comment while he just kept looking at you.

"It's quite obvious you aren't into him, you should tell him" he shrugged, speaking before you were able to.

"How do you know I'm not into him?" you dared him.

With that question, he stepped closer to you, making you step back unconsciously "Because I've seen how you react when you're into someone" San whispered, bending over you before he stood straight again.

He didn't say anything else, nor allowed you to reply back at him before he was walking towards the main door. Standing next to him, you realized how you'd be able to look at him for hours if you could, admiring how the purple lights from the pub reflected on his skin, lost in the shadows that were formed by his sharp features.

In the cab, you both were silent after he told the driver your address. It wasn't like your house was close from there, which prepared you for a long drive there. You kept thinking about his words when you could only hear the engine of the car, and the understandable voices that came from the radio.

"I'm not into you" you said out loud, driving his attention back to you. "I despise you, actually".

Were you trying to convince him, or were you trying to convince yourself? It seemed like you were trying to find a reason as to why your body responded the way it did to his touch, or his looks; and contempt wasn't it. You knew it, San knew it. But you were stubborn as hell to admit it.

"I guess that's the only explanation, yes" he nodded, turning his body to you. "I bet you disliked my guts three weeks ago" his head was tilted, as he bent over you a bit, "And you must've hated me with your whole soul when your eyes went blank after I kept pounding my cock into you" he whispered that into your ear.

The imminent throb in your clit, and your automatic reaction by pressing your thighs together didn't go unnoticed by San, who smirked when he got the reaction he expected. You were only encouraging him to keep talking. "And you must detest me awfully right now" hooking two of his fingers on your chin, he drew your eyes into his.

The fast beating of your heart made you go dizzy, losing touch with reality as you reacted before you could think about it better, moving to his lips as if a kiss would be enough to calm you down. But San wasn't going to give you that. And even less that easily. He moved his head back, with his lips curving as he pinched your chin. You heard him asking for a change in the address the cab driver would drop you at. You didn't recognize that one, but it wasn't like you cared either. Your attention and focus was still on how warm his hand felt on your thigh, as his thumb played circles on your skin.

Suddenly, the cab stopped in front of a fancy building. You could recognize the area when San opened the door of the cab for you, and helped you on your way out. Of course the son of the CEO would live in one of the most expensive areas in the city.

"What?" he asked with a smile.

"You're too confident" you crossed your arms over your chest.

"You didn't say anything back in the car when I changed the address" he mocked at you. "I think I have every reason to feel confident". With both hands in his pockets, he took a step towards you "I could always give you a drive back home, right now".

And missing the chance after getting there? You were one proud bitch, but not dumb. You wanted this. You've been trying to get his attention ever since you dragged him out of your house, and he was finally giving you what you were too stubborn to admit.

Silence was your best answer, making him smirk when your lips were pressed together and your eyes were shifted into looking at nothing in the distance. Until a sudden touch, and the feeling of his thick fingers intertwined with yours made you watch on your steps as you made your way inside the building. The closed space of the elevator, and him being the only person you could set your attention on, was doing things with your head.

Fuck, at that point, you'd be fine with a kiss. That was how pathetic you became in less than thirty minutes.

His hand left yours, before his body caged you in between the cold metallic wall and him, both hands on each side of your head, while his lips kept getting closer to yours.

"Maybe you should say the magic words before trying anything" you whispered.

You were desperate, but that didn't mean you didn't want to hear how bad he wanted you, playing with him the same way he played with you on the first night.

"Baby, don't play hard to get" he sounded tired, and you could tell he wanted that as bad as you when he pressed his semi hard-on against your belly.

"Hmm" your fingers moved down his chest and abs, feeling the soft fabric of his black shirt, as you moved past the edge of his slacks. "Just say it" you whispered, pressing your palm against his growing bulge.

Your lips moved dangerously over his marked jaw, spreading soft kisses all over his skin and lowering down his neck as your hands started unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. You moved up again, tracing the curve of his ear with the tip of your tongue, witnessing how his big body reacted to your touch by squirming and gasping "If you're good and say it...".

"Y/n, I want to fuck you" he finally admitted, fist tightening due to the tease you were putting him through. "You have no fucking idea how bad I want you. So unless you want to see it through actions" he grabbed you by the neck, forcing your eyes into his ", you better stop messing around".

San knew those words didn't scare you, and they didn't mean he'd be in control of the situation either. Your smirk was quite telling, despite you being the one trapped in his hand. He loved that expression on you, but he also was dying to erase it. It wasn't fair he was the one begging you, not that time.

Pulling you for a kiss, he demanded all your senses to wrap around him. There was no one and nothing else. And he made sure of that. His hands were wrapped around you, as he pulled you into his body while his tongue explored your mouth with complete freedom. You both were as messy and desperate, while you tried your best to make your way to his apartment when the lift stopped.

"I want you so bad" you finally said, sucking his lips again with your fingers digging through his short locks.

"Do you?" he squeezed your ass over the dress, making you gasp through the kiss. "Are you going to show me how much you want me? Let me know how bad you want my cock".

You didn't need him to encourage you much more. You already had the images fixed in your brain back in the elevator, and you were dying to make them real. Hooking his plump lower lip in between your teeth, you finally broke the kiss.

His eyes were fierce when he looked at you, lips parted and swollen while he waited for you to show with actions what you wanted from him. You fell to your knees, seeing his -already- unzipped slacks, and only moved your hands down to slide the fabric of his pants and underwear until they were tangled around his ankles. His cock jumped free almost instantly, standing hard and tempting in front of your face. His dark pink tip, humid with his own precum, got you salivating.

You wouldn't ever admit it in front of anyone, and even less in front of him, but the amount of times you thought about it while touching yourself after that night was crazy. That's why you didn't hold back when you finally had it again, moving your flat tongue from the base to the tip slowly, enjoying the taste of his skin mixed with the salty flavor of his precum. San huffed in pleasure when your tongue kept rolling in circles around that sensitive area, throwing his head back when your lips finally enclosed around it.

His hand felt abrasive on your neck as he pushed you deeper, encouraging you to take more of his cock. But you were never good at doing what others wanted, so you moved back. You let go of his cock, although your lips were still rubbing against his tip while your hand worked on him up and down slowly. San swore you'd be the death of him when he looked down and met with your playful gaze and vicious smirk. He was exactly where you wanted him to be.

"Let me see what that pretty face looks like while it's stuffed with my cock" he asked with his raspy voice, covering your fingers with his hand while guiding his dick through your lips again.

Could be it was the way he asked, or how you were so horny for him that you'd have done anything he'd asked you without giving it a second thought. But you did as you were told, moving your lips through his cock while looking up to him, your pussy throbbing painfully with every centimeter you took inside your mouth. You liked the feeling, but it was uncomfortable feeling the pool of your panties drenching them with every bow of your head, and you reached a point where you didn't know how to place your thighs so the clenching of your pussy could calm down. San was aware of it. But he was so into his own pleasure that he chose to ignore it for a few more minutes, until one of your moans vibrated through him while you were still sucking him off.

Your mouth was left open and empty when he moved your head back, moving his thumb over your chin to clean the mess of your spit and cutting the thin links of saliva that kept you connected to him, before he forced you to stand again.

Both of you were eager, desperate, and didn't care about the way your clothes would look after. Rolling your tight dress up, and sliding down your black thong, he gasped at the sight of your rounded ass and your pussy covered in your own juices. Your body jumped at the first touch of his fingers on your core, collecting your wetness to spread it all over his already lubed tip.

With a hand on your hip and another redirecting him to your entrance, he slowly thrusted his tip into you. That hand moved fast from his own dick to your neck, correcting your posture so your back would be completely arched as he moved into you slowly until your ass met with his pelvis. A moan slipped from your lips when his length stretched you out, making you almost thank him for it.

It'd be a quickie. A quick fuck. As soon as you two came, you'd be seeing the door and going back to your place to reconsider all of your decisions. That was what you thought when guilt hit the back of your brain as he pounded into you, and made your pelvis hit constantly against the backrest of his couch.

But that wasn't what happened.

Clothes were long gone, and you two moved from his living room to his big king-size bed in his bedroom after your second orgasm. You kept reminding yourself you had to go, but your body didn't belong to you anymore. You got addicted to the feeling of his cock rubbing against every single spot inside of you, and the pain of your back arched from pleasure when he teased your clit.

San kept your legs spread wide, each hand locked around your knees after you made several attempts to close them when you were close to your high a few minutes ago.

His olive skin tone was covered with a thin coat of sweat, that remarked all of his muscles even more. He looked focused on pleasuring you, with his hooded eyes fixed on the spot that kept you linked together, completely unbothered by the way his bangs stuck to his forehead or sometimes got over his eyes even.

You were surprised by your own loud moans, that kept sounding over his groans and the clap sound of your bodies with each one of his thrusts- and that sounded even more powerful when you joined his moves, grinding against him as you tried to feel him deeper. That made San smile satisfied, rewarding you with a spank on your thigh that blocked all of your senses for a short second.

Lifting your leg, he kissed your ankle and bit on your heel, making your back arch and your pussy clench around him tight. He was sexy, he was good at sex, and he fucking knew it. He knew that visual would have you whimpering and being all needy over the edge.

That's why when you pulled him into you, with your fingers denting on his cheeks before kissing him, he curved his lips maliciously. San broke the kiss unexpectedly, but kept your tongues linked together. The sound of your desperate moans, while getting a taste of you, rolling his tongue around yours, was one of the best feelings ever, placed second after the feeling of your pussy tightening with each thrust he made. He was sure you were made to take him just like that.

Sex with him made you feel dirty, but also so wanted that it was hard to handle.

His hips kept the same pace, breaking into you, fucking you against the matress while his hands and lips were treasuring you like you were the most precious thing he was devoted to.

"I'm going to fill you until it drips" he warned you ", going to keep you full until the next time we fuck again" he whined, stopping deep inside you while his pubes rubbed against your sensitive clit. "How does that sound?".

Licking the drop of spit that rolled down his cheek after the last time you kissed, you rubbed against him "You better not take long to do it again".

"That's one fucking good answer, babe".

Buckling his hips again, you were shown how right you were with your answer. His moves were so fast, he gave you no time to feel empty. Every time his tip was about to leave you, he thrusted back in fast while one of his hands sneaked in between your bodies to rub your clit in circles, the other hand pulling your hair from the top to keep you glued to the mattress.

That warm and ticklish feeling in your stomach started to build up after a few more rubs and thrusts, and you could feel it all over your face when you were unable to close your lips and your moans started getting louder -if that was even possible. You even started to beg, as if San would snatch your high from you at that moment. But it only made him move faster, holding onto you as if you were the only thing that could keep him sane in that moment.

Both of your moans mixed together when you got to your high. You did first, squeezing him so tight that was unable to hold it in for longer, before you felt his warm seed filling you and dripping out of you when he moved his hips back.

San was lying on top of you, trying to recompose from his own orgasm, as he covered your body carefully while his hands traced invisible lines all over your curves. Instinctively, you did the same, moving your fingers all over his sweaty lower back until you felt him move. His lips captured yours, but in a more relaxed and slow kiss.

"You better not leave and spend the night here" he whispered "If not, I'll take it as you don't want to repeat this".

But you didn't leave. You stayed, after he cleaned you up and looked after you, after he gave you a spot in his bed next to him.

At the end of the day, you didn't hate him. You liked the way he made you feel, and how intense all those sensations were. You guessed you just hated how bad you wanted him, ever since he stepped inside the office that first day as your boss.

[dead-girl-prolific]

Ticci Toby + Personality Disorders and Mood Disorders

this is based off of @necroromantics post, i felt very inspired to share my thoughts on it, although it took me about 3-4 days to get done i had a lot of fun!

this is mainly about BPD and ASPD(one mention because i don't know a lot about ASPD as a whole) as far as personality disorders go, i know the most about those when it comes to personality disorders. out of mood disorders, to stay relevant to the original post it'll just be the two types of Bipolar disorder.

I chose these three disorders as my topic because they are the most common headcanon for his character(and my headcanons).

PSA:

SOME OF THIS INFORMATION COULD BE OUTDATED, i haven't researched Bipolar in 2-3 years so if anything is wrong i'd like to address the fact that i am NOT a professional! also some/most of this is personal experiences and researches i've done!

now that that's out of the way. let's start rambling!

What is bipolar disorder?

From someone whos lived with both parents struggling with BD (Bipolar Disorder) (my mom shows heavy signs of it, but is not diagnosed, my dad is) it is very much possible i could have it too, but both BPD and BD have a lot in common but are still very different (symptoms). They both have severe mood swings, They share some symptoms, such as depression and impulsive behavior. The main thing that separates them is that BPD is a Personality disorder and Bipolar is a Behavioral Mood Disorder. BD is characterized by periods of extreme highs and lows, known as manic and depressive episodes. BPD affects how individuals perceive and interact with the world around them.

They are very hard to differentiate in a patient and people usually get misdiagnosed, the symptoms are VERY similar which is why it isn’t common to diagnose minors. (it’s not impossible to be diagnosed with both as a minor.) (this is what my doctors have shared with me)

a little tangent- my dad was diagnosed with BD at a very young age (i’d say 12 or/to 16) and it was only diagnosed because he had several…”episodes” (he broke several laws and maybe/probably committed a few felonies.) i don’t know much about my dad’s past, but from what my grandpa and him have told me he’s been bailed out of jail/juvie a lot. He was not medicated because he didn’t like what the medications did to him, so that’s probably why he was so “EXTREME”.

His episodes lasted for a while sometimes 3-4 months or less, but my episodes (i have BPD) can last a few months as well(but around 2-3 months), because of clinical depression(major depressive episodes) which is a huge symptom of BPD, the longest episode i’ve had was maybe two and a half months and it happens a lot about once-twice a year, with no rhyme or reason. i'm looking into getting diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder because i have a lot of symptoms that concern me, but it's possible i was misdiagnosed with BPD(i doubt it because of the symptoms i experience) it is very much possible i could have both, which is why i need to figure it out, it's dangerous for me to not be medicated properly.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

If you don’t know enough about something (BD) you shouldn’t create a character with said things (BD) or at least do research before. In my opinion Toby has a personality disorder, although I cannot quite pinpoint which. If i could psycho-analyze (it’s been a while since i’ve taken a full blown look at the entirety of the character.) he most likely struggles with Bipolar but it was misdiagnosed with BPD he also shows some symptoms and traits of someone with ASPD. TECHNICALLY he has canonical BPD through his behavior, but the creator of his character "misdiagnosed" him and gave him Bipolar disorder, but it's totally okay to headcanon him with something else (or something more "fitting") or just projecting, all of it is fine to some extent.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?(or a personality disorder)

Yes, to put it simply he has potential to be a multi-faceted character, and I know a lot of people like to project onto creepypasta characters in general, as a coping skill. Toby is also “canonically” “Bipolar” i use both of those terms loosely. As someone with (possible) Bipolar and has lived around those with Bipolar I’d be open to writing his character with Bipolar, as an informed writer I would prefer people to at least do research on the subject before making assumptions on how the character would behave/think. Overall if the character’s experience is written well I wouldn't mind reading it. I do not condone misinformation, but i do condone learning about it for a passion project such as writing. As someone who hasn’t struggled with ASPD i don’t necessarily feel comfortable writing it but if i did a decent amount of research for the character and the disorder it could change my mind as long as i get outsider viewpoints.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

do not romanticize it not getting treated, as someone who struggles with a disorder not getting treated, it is definitely damaging to my mental and physical health. so writing for a character who isn't being treated for something is something i'm a bit iffy on- but if you do research and don't go overboard, it could end up being really good for awareness.

(i headcanon that he was originally on medication but he didn't take into account the fact that he needs his medications, so he basically fucked himself over and regrets it (subconsciously) after a manic episode of course)

there is an author(s) who does a really good job writing his character with Bipolar/BPD if you are interested in reading their work dm me!/inbox me!

maybe write about how his work relationships would be impacted, and how his friendships would be, his romantic relationships all of it, don't just focus on "ooo i'm mentally ill" it would not only affect him but it would also impact those around him by whether or not they know about his Bipolar disorder and if they know hes having an episode.

it would probably, a few times, get him caught by the law given the fact that people with bipolar are very indecisive and it would mostly be chalked up to him being like "this is wrong, i don't want to do this anymore" to "ARSON!!!" (bad analogy but you get it) his emotions and feelings on the matter of is job would fluctuate all the time, even while he's on the job. it leads him to be erratic and spontaneous. he isn't a very reliable partner, which is why he probably only goes on single missions.

i feel like if he were to be medicated it would be at the expense of Tim's medications since toby can't get his hands on other medications that are used for mood swings and such.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

"Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder" @necroromantics

this is true, as someone with BPD, my "manic" episodes depend on someone that is my FP (favorite person) and when i am not having a "high" of energy i'm usually numb and my "manic" episodes are usually only an hour long or the amount of time that i am with my FP. BPD cannot get Manic.

although there are two branches of Bipolar, Bipolar 1 which is characterized as many manic episodes and less depressive episodes but Bipolar 2 is characterized as many major depressive episodes, that usually last a lot longer than the manic episodes. (this is worded as simply)

"A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations." @necroromantics

another thing Toby struggles with is hallucinations of his deceased sister Lyra.

"These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania." @necroromantics

you are mixing up both Bipolars... they are separated (from the studies i've done/researched)

Manic Episodes-

it would all depend on how exactly he feels/ the situation and how the writer decides to portray that. (if the writer is properly informed of course)

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

 "They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months." @necroromantics

this depends on whether or not it's Bipolar 1 or Bipolar 2, this is the "definition" of a Bipolar 2 Depressive episode. bipolar 2 episodes can occur for longer than a month, that is correct. bipolar 1 has longer manic "highs" than bipolar 2, bipolar 2 barely gets manic "highs" and when they do it's not for very long. (from what my doctors have told me/what i've seen in my dad (he has bipolar 1))

as someone who has seen these symptoms and had them i can assure you they are not fun, especially dealing with them WITHOUT proper medications, although currently i am very "manic" and getting a lot of shit done, kinda like i'm on adderall rn lol.(that's the closest comparison i can make to how I AM feeling.)

"He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep." @necroromantics

i wouldn't say sleeping is all he's doing, when i have depressive episodes (which episodes are different for everyone) i tend to go off my diet, make a lot of other regrettable decisions(EX: relapse, forget important stuff, become more "lazy" etc.) that prolong my episode. but sleep can also be affected such as; getting too much sleep or struggling with sleeping (i.e waking up every hour to every few hours).

What are mixed episodes?

 "This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself." @necroromantics

i am going to add to this. not only will you be super energetic but you'll want to do so much but have no energy to do it, like lets say you had a great art idea, oc idea, and writing idea, but you would be too unmotivated to do any of it. sometimes you can't pinpoint what to feel/what you're feeling, and that's totally okay! confusing, annoying but still its completely okay.

I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons and prior knowledge of mental health about any creepypasta characters! DM me or inbox me!

[goldenchocobo]

2024 Art dump

Another year, another collection of art I never posted publicly.

Probably one of the least populated yearly dumps, I've shown- but I've been busy, and I did a few large pieces this year to boot.

As usual, more info on each bit of art is under the Keep Reading if you're interested. The second page might, if you like light spec-evo

1. KH1 Sora outfit changes. I was going to do them in the same vein as my BBS trio ones, but never got around to finishing these. Thus, only three words are depicted. Olympus, Wonderland and Deep Jungle.

2. A third Dicolour piece, this time with Apprentice 'Nort and another ominous-looking shadow. This one IS complete, but I never really liked it all that much, and so never posted it.

3. A young Aerith collecting flowers with a young Kairi. I thought it'd be cute, but it didn't go past this simple linework.

4. A very dramatic scene of Ephemer. You know the one if you've been through KHux. I did try out several angles; each less complete than the last. this is the only 'complete' one.

5. I thought I posted this, but turns out I didn't. Just a sketch of 'Nort and Eraqus and some pigeons. A real surprise, I know.

6. A dragon Heartless from my upcoming fic, which will start posting this week! I wanted to get the basic sketch out so I could more better draw it in the fic's chapter art.

7. technically, once again from the fic. Ven and Aqua go together to the Ball in the Castle of Dreams. But it could also be used as just an unrelated wardrobe change. Ven's outfit is kind of an off pea-green with gold accents.

8. A chocochick from FFVII:Rebirth. I love them and want one.

9. My friend got me playing Sky, so I drew our characters together. they're the one with the red/ruddy wing cape, and I'm in gold. I stopped playing after the concert, however.

10. Berserk Chickens. In the same vein as my Kingdom Coop I did of the KH characters. Only got so far as the Band of the Hawk and Isidro, Lady Farnese, Serpico and Sherike.

11. Just a camptosaurus I drew when I was bored and hadn't drawn a dinosaur in a while.

12. My human-turned-into-a-horse character, sitting like a dog.

13. A Fakemon I made, since I want to get into Fakemon-making? It's called Hadrevo, and is basically like an Eevee, but with all types. each type turns it into a different hadrosaur-like Pokémon. Pokémon I have not drawn.

Now for the Spec-evo bit.

Me and my friends have been doing and on-and-off spec-evo project where we pool together ideas. It's also been a weird ttrpg/stratagy hybrid game, and kind-of RP. The jist is 'an animal of your choice gains sentients and walks on two legs. You then play from the Palaeolithic to the future, with the time spanning on and on.' This was meant to be a very long, very slow burn rp/ttrpg thing, but it became too complicated and we got bogged down in the weeds, so it died.

My role was to draw the creatures! We didn't want to just use Earth fauna; although that's still around (mostly). These are my creatures that inhabit the environment around my species. These are also redraws from originals. Each creature has a mini wikipedia-like entry that I've written and made to sound believable- at least I hope. I won't post all of that here, though. (if you ask, however...)

14. Achils. They dart around the forest at high speed, using their tail to counter-ballance while weaving through trees. I made these guys to replace deer, since well... I'm playing deer people. I basically took an antelope and stretched it out, giving it a long tail (fictional ungulates in this evo have long tails)

15. Glatisant. Pack-hunting arboreal predators that have features of snakes and mustalids. This isn't as wacky as I got, but I love me some slinky animals, and I've always liked the concept of mammalian snakes. In my part of the rp/ttrpg/thing, they were going to become domesticated and become a wide variety of breeds among my people.

16. Heiorun. Partially arboreal goat-like animals that are nimble in the trees as well as on the ground. It's not well shown on this side-profile, but their horns join to make a 'shield' kind of like a more intense problibytherium. I never got to finishing this guy's redraw.

[crow-caller]

Also terribly sorry to send a second one so quickly but I hadn't scrolled yet. I see you're an indie author, and judging by the pinned post, at least privately published. How'd you do it? I've had two hundred years worth of an alt history dieselpunk lowfantasy world's lore knocking around in my brain but cannot for the life of me seem to get it cohesive enough to put words on my annoyingly blank Google document.

I am not a wild author success story but that might make my advice more approachable.

(I did a post on types of publishing and some very basic advice as someone who's done it, self and indie, with three books. That's here (I'll honestly reblog it again too in a sec) )

I think you're asking more though just on how I write. Hm. Well.

At the moment, I don't write much- 2018 was when Bad End came out, and beyond working on 1dg manuscript, I haven't had another full book since then. If I say 'that's six years' I may want to explode my bones, but it has been. The thing with writing advice, as in how to just do it, is... it's hard and devastatingly unique for everyone. I have an overflow of ideas right now, and I've been stuck on the same issue of starting and organizing it- as well as a panic over being a good enough writer.

Personally, I tend to work on a few keystone ideas and improvise in the moment. I decide the world and the main character and a few cool notions I want to incorporate or lead to, and set out. I find it takes a few thousand words or chapters to Get The Hang Of a writing project. It's one thing to imagine a cool world, it's another to try and write a character interacting in it, and just that experience of trying often leads to me changing my mind about a bunch of stuff.

I really like beginnings and endings, so I usually have them in mind when writing. If you don't have that, you can always start clumsily and revise later. Once you have started a narrative, it's much easier to think about your ideas in terms of that project rather than the blob of potential paths.

Still, how do you FIRST start? You have a world built up, so you have a status quo. A book usually starts with that status quo being challenged. A character leads a peaceful life, but a stranger arrives. Something strange is sighted in the salt flats. Someone finally quits their job.

The people in your world are used to the grand world you've built. They won't talk about how it works to each other and infodumping is awkward. So start instead with something being different and you'll find it much easier to explain how it ought to go. Also, read books. You should read mortal engines by the way. everyone should but it sounds relevant to your interests.

This has been some advice on starting books because I could ramble a lot more (and have, and have deleted) but I should call it somewhere.

[saskiavalentineapologist]

sketch time

you will sit down. you will look at my horrible little women. And You Will Appreciate Them

no this is NOT going under a cut you will see the blood sweat and tears i put into belialah's demon form and you will appreciate it, me, and saskia's off the charts world class monsterfucker status

we got saskia. we're familiar with saskia--or at least you should be. go look at the art by korppipoika and give them so many notes--this post will wait. and while you're out, look at the post about the matriarchs too. and if you're not up to date on saskia and belialah, here's another one for your list. i'll be here when you get back.

up to date? excited? horny? me too!!

so we got those two. in order for the images: saskia (recent), belialah (first draft, still happy with this and haven't been able to capture this vision since)

we got their dynamic:

saskia being a bitch and belialah being, despite everything, head over heels. still can't quite nail belialah's human face, but we're learning

...it took me a long time to nail down belialah's demon form. it went through a lot of drafts---many of which i am not sharing. this one is the oldest one i'm willing to share:

i believe this is draft 3? patch notes from earlier drafts: 4 fingers instead of three, took out "humanoid" eyes, added floaty halo bits. other than that, this is what it's mostly stayed true to. chase gave me an inspo and i remixed it and made it worse because i love body horror. so we have this! extra joint between the wrist and elbow, loads and loads of eyes, sharp teeth (yum!), wings, and a broken halo plus the big horn. love her. she has spider legs below her waist--she has "skirts" that are made from her skin that she usually wears (has?) over them.

made some eensy sketches for ideas:

i tinkered on size, proportion, posture, etc. it's vague, but not exact for either of them. i want a bigger height difference and this is for me first and foremost

i settled on this body type for saskia:

no nipples so she's not naked :) this is for anatomy reference, tumblr. ANATOMY. be so nice to me ;-;

ignore the stuff at the edges, this is part of a larger project idk if i'll finish where i look at all the matriarchs and their body types. saskia is the most...well, besides ethalind, the most hourglass shape. this is the most recent drawing of her i have besides the one at the very end, this is the one i would say is most canon. hence why it is included--the last one i have doesn't quite hit right for me. still working on consistency.

as i improved my art, i wanted to take another stab at belialah. which meant figuring out her lower half.

i did these ones reeaaally recently. i looked at so many things for inspo: crabs, spiders, human pelvises, centaur speculative biology, drider speculative biology, an introspective look at how much of a monsterfucker i am, etc. until i found something i was happy with. these are within the last few days. the lil sketches at the far bottom right of the first page are what i settled on. after that, i tinkered with how she looks with skirts vs no skirts---ignore the sword, it's no longer accurate to what it actually looks like, but that's endgame shit and no spoilers :)

i'm really happy with how she's turned out and i think she's kickass and awesome and i can't wait to beat her and saskia into the ground.

and then we have:

team gaslight gatekeep girlboss :)

i drew this last night!! really happy with how my art is coming along. i hesitated on whether to draw the skirts, because i think the spider legs are so fucking cool and i know logically the skirts are there but tbh its funner drawing the spider legs than the skirts :(

i want to make it very clear: belialah is submissive in the way a guard dog is submissive, to quote a post i once tagged as gilt and lost. belialah is loyal, devoted, willing to protect--but will wait for an order before acting

btw, to make something else clear: saskia? saw the demon form first. is more attracted to the demon form than the human form. is far more willing to smash with belialah in demon form. i love my weirdest little freak of a woman <3

ok that's all bye

[galadrieljones]

hiya gala!! 🎃 and 🍂? i hope you have a fantastic day!!

Thanks for the ask @myreia ^_^ I hope you have a great day, too.

🎃 pumpkin: do you have any favorite brainstorming techniques? how do you like to gather ideas for your wip?

I answered this one earlier, you can find it here.

🍂 leaves: what does your editing process look like? how does your wip typically change as you work on it?

Because I am seemingly always super strapped for time, the most important part of my process is getting started. Failure to launch is, in my experience, the only cause of "writer's block." I just need to break the seal, get started. My earliest drafts as I mentioned in the linked ask above are usually just super spare scene sketches in the notes app on my phone because of this. No details or descriptions. I just put a little (...) to note where I know I need an action, or a description, or a note on the environment to flesh out the pacing later on. I will do this sometimes before bed, or when I'm doing other things.

Once I'm ready to work on the actual story then, these days, I usually just work right in AO3 for fanfiction. It just keeps me in the right mode, since I write and read so many different things as part of my job, other projects, etc., and AO3 just makes me feel like, okay, THIS is the safe place lol. THIS is my happy place (I copy/paste frequently into a note or word doc to back up my work fyi haha). When I'm ready to write, like to actually type, I don't usually copy/paste writing from my notes. I retype it, now working in the details/actions/descriptions that I skipped before, because like I just really needed to get down the big beats, but now it's time to make the scene come alive. I find that retyping from scratch rather than copy/pasting is important, because a lot of the time, the emotional output or directionality of a scene will be a little different once I add in the details. Things almost always need to be tweaked.

Once I have a completed draft, I usually sit on it for as long as I can. An old professor once taught me that, with writing, you usually need a couple days to let a draft marinate before going back to it again. I can't remember what he called those days, but this was useful advice for me, as I'm always in a rush. Sometimes, I only have a couple hours to wait or one night. In any case, in that time, any problems with the existing writing usually bubble to the surface of my consciousness, and I can go back in and work on them later, often times on my phone, while I'm off doing other stuff or hanging with my kids or my husband on the couch, etc. I do a lot of my editing this way, like in the car while waiting for my kids to get out of school lol. I used to need solitude to write, but I have three kids and I have adapted lol. If I get too precious about my workspace, I get nothing done.

Anyway, even as my job entails editing books for a living, that editorial work is always grand scale, like finding the shape of a story. I am actually a terrible copy editor lmfao as I hate that kind of little nit-picky stuff. Line editing drives me insane. I will occasionally run things through the editor on word to make sure there's nothing glaring, but I don't get hung up on typos. You will probably see at least one per chapter with my work 😂 😭 I do usually reread my chapters after I publish them, and if I find something that's really bothering me, I'll go back and fix it asap.

Anyway, that's pretty much it!!

October-themed Writeblr Asks ❤️

[time-of-your-life-au]

3, 7, 9, 11, or 20

Not sure who exactly these are meant for, so I'll just answer with all the ocs :D

Ask game here!

3: Speed, Flight, or Power type?

Silkie: Speed

Lapis: Speed

M.A.R.C.Y.: Power

Verse: Flight

Red: Flight

Emmy: Power

Hyper: Any, depending on the wisp assisting them

Coffee: Power

Rift: I guess speed? He's not really physically fast, though, more agile

7: Favorite music genre?

Silkie: Alt pop (her favorite artist is girl in red)

Lapis: Pop

M.A.R.C.Y.: Rock

Verse: Disco

Red: Hip Hop

Emmy: Rock

Hyper: Pop

Coffee: Alt pop

Rift: EDM

9: Who are they closest with?

Silkie, M.A.R.C.Y., Verse, and Red are all one close group, especially Silkie, M.A.R.C.Y., and Verse. Red is mostly just friends with Verse, so they end up hanging out with the rest of the group by proxy.

Lapis, Coffee, and Rift are all best friends. Coffee and Rift were the first non-robots besides Sonic and Shadow that Lapis met, and they connected quickly. The three of them have been basically inseparable ever since.

Emmy doesn’t leave Angel Island that often, so she's closest to Knuckles. She spends most of her time helping them guard the Master Emerald; she wants to follow in her footstops when she grows up.

Hyper’s friends haven’t been developed much quite yet, but there’s a few people from the Wisp research lab that they hang out with sometimes. Other than that, she loves spending time with her moms and her Aunt Jewel, and she's always going to them to talk about her latest projects or whatever else is on her mind.

11: Do they have any rivals?

Nothing concrete! I'm planning for Red's future boyfriend to be their rival first (as is tradition for Sonic ships), but I haven't actually created him yet.

I will say, Hyper may not have a rival in the main universe, but in a different one, well....... no spoilers :)

20: What are their hobbies?

Silkie is CONSTANTLY drawing. People, places, things in her imagination, everything ends up on the paper. Practically everyone she's ever met has been doodled at least once.

Lapis is always on the lookout for rocks, sticks, shells, and more to take home. The shelves in their bedroom are filled with all the things they've collected!

When M.A.R.C.Y. isn't battling Sage and her robots, she's training for the next time she does. She was created to be a killer robot, and though she's found her own personhood outside that, it's still in her nature to fight, to be as strong and as fast as possible, so no one can best her. She hopes one day to be as strong, or even stronger, than her moms are.

Though Espio's brief time as a poet didn't result in anything good, Verse has decided to follow in his footsteps. He usually prefers to write prose rather than poetry, but he's dabbled in several forms of writing over the years!

Ever walk around Central City and see spraypaint on the walls everywhere? A lot of the time, Red was the one responsible for it! They're always leaving their mark on the places they go, to the approval of their parents and the disapproval of the government.

Emmy is working hard learning to be the next Guardian of the Master Emerald, which means a lot of time on Angel Island with only nature (and her dad) to entertain her. She keeps close to the Emerald, of course, but she's often down in the dirt, digging around for rocks and bugs.

Hyper has a fascination with science, especially Wisps and their Hyper-go-on. She spends a lot of time in the lab, experimenting with ways to use color power in things other than weapons—they recently perfected their gloves and boots, which can use color power much in the same way a Wispon can!

Coffee works at a cafe, so you might expect baking or making coffee to be her number one hobby. And it's true that she enjoys those, but her favorite thing is gardening. Her garden has a large variety of plants, all flourishing! Each one is sure to have a good harvest.

Rift is always at the climbing gym, working on his latest project. His goal is to send every route the gym sets—a very unrealistic goal, which he'll probably never achieve, but hey, he tries his best!

[my-burnt-city]

Fandom terms glossary

I am aware that we talk a lot of nonsense and that many of the things we say must sound like we are speaking in tongues to the uninitiated, so I have put together a wee glossary of some of the more useful and some of the more chaotic terminologies in the hopes that at least one person will find something helpful within

PD - Punchdrunk; TBC - The Burnt City; SNM - Sleep No More; TDM - The Drowned Man

WM - White Mask (noun); because we simply cannot be typing out " a u d i e n c e   m e m b e r " every single time we want to shout out a cool loop buddy or discuss interesting flocking behaviour or just make it really clear we're talking about punters rather than employees

WM - White Mask (verb); for when a performer or other employee is watching the show as an audience member, for example: "I saw Milton WMing the Zagreus loop, I laughed to myself every time he took an unnecessary shortcut"

BM - Black Mask; because it would be EVEN WORSE to have to type out "member of the FOH team or backstage crew" every single time we want to sing the praises of these deeply integral and yet purposefully-mostly-invisible heroes

(FOH - Front Of House; queue wranglers, box office team, cloakroom crew, bar staff, stewards, everyone with a job that's to do with keeping the audience happy and organised as opposed to keeping the show itself running)

Red/blue casting - there are two basic casting configurations, the red cast and the blue cast, because this is a full-on three-hour dance show with no interval. Punchdrunk therefore make sure the performers alternate between travelling characters and resident characters so they don’t burn out and die from playing someone like Apollo or Iphigenia eight times a week. Once you learn who’s who in each cast, it gets easier to predict who you might see in which roles at any given performance, but because people sometimes go on holiday, or get injured, or pursue other short-term projects, or just like to mix it up, it is never completely possible to predict who you will see in any given role on any given night (apart from Hades, who is usually Sam Booth, and Furnace, who is almost always Sam Parker; go on HOLIDAY, Sams)

(NB: when people say a show is looking a bit purple, that means the cast list is more mixed up than the usual blue/red+covers+swings, and some people are playing the roles they wouldn't usually be playing for that night's performance)

Red cast - a small selection of point characters to watch out for to tell if it's a red cast show: Agamemnon (Rob), Iphigenia (Lou), Apollo (Seirian), Hecuba (Kat), Polydorus (Jordan), Orpheus (Naomi)

Blue cast - a small selection of point characters to watch out for to tell if it's a blue cast show: Agamemnon (Jon), Iphigenia (Fern), Apollo (Georges), Hecuba (Emily), Polydorus (Ferghas), Orpheus (Cristina)

Swing/(cover) - the swings are a small but mighty army of performers who have no fixed schedule and are able to play up to eight different roles each to cover holidays and other absences. Where we have taken our other terminologies from Punchdrunk directly, “cover” is my own term for people like Milton and Omar, whose entire job is to cover the resident roles on other cast members’ regular shows off without having to tap into the army of swings. Covers are a little more predictable than swings, as they play fewer roles and are pretty likely to be performing in the majority of shows in a week; swings are impossible to predict unless you have insider knowledge. Some performers are in the red/blue cast pattern and are able to play a couple of additional roles besides so might occasionally swing into one of these other roles, just without being referred to as a swing; some performers (MITCH) are only regularly scheduled for one of the two colour casts so will always be swinging if they’re performing on another night

Travelling character - a higher-intensity role, often (though not always) dance-heavy, often (though not always) seen moving between Greece and Troy. Performers usually get one show off per week in addition to no-show days, and this generally will not fall on a day when they are scheduled to be playing their travelling role. If you prefer Big Story to supporting players, follow a travelling character: Hades, Persephone, Artemis, Apollo, Hecuba, Cassandra, Polydorus, Polyxena, Polymestor, Agamemnon, Clytemnestra, Iphigenia, Aegisthus, Neoptolemus, Patroclus

Resident character - a lower-intensity role, less likely to be dance-heavy, less likely to be seen moving between Greece and Troy. Performers usually get one show off per week in addition to no-show days, and this generally will fall on a day when they are scheduled to be playing their resident role. If you prefer low-level weirdos to major players, follow a resident character: Macaria, Luba, Kampe, Eurydice, Zagreus, Askalaphos, Kronos, Laocoön, Oracle, Watchman

RD - rehearsal director; mostly there to keep an eye on the performers and performances. They rehearse with new performers, they rehearse with established performers in new roles, they rehearse with established performers in established roles in new scenes, they watch the show to identify any areas that might need tightening up, they get final say over whether a performer is ready to take audience members for 1:1s, and they even perform in the show (either semi-regularly like Lily and Omagbitse or as needed like Sarah, Natalie and Eric). If you ever see a familiar-looking WM carrying a notebook, congrats! You’ve spotted an RD in the wild!

C1 - Contract 1, 22nd March 2022 to 8th January 2023; C2 - Contract 2, 11th January 2023 to currently unconfirmed (and not even strongly rumoured at this point but nonetheless suspected by this individual blogger to be due some time in September) 24th September 2023 (😭😭😭)

Walk-out - when a performer takes a WM by the hand, leads them out of the finale, and removes their mask for them at the end of the show. There are variations on the theme but that's the basic shape for all of 'em

Walk-through - when a performer takes a WM by the hand and leads them from the Troy finale to the Mycenae finale

Shopty - there was a party back in the days of TDM. If your ticket was for both the show and the party, then it had SHO+PTY printed on it. Just a portmanteau for show+party, the nickname has stuck even if the tickets don’t have the shorthand on them anymore

The Souk - there's an off-limits area behind Ciacco's and Hades's house that was labelled as the Souk on PD's original planning documents. This area is inaccessible to audience members and unlikely to ever be opened up, but it does occasionally come up in conversation so it's not not useful to have a name for it

Chaos casting - generally refers to a show that has a greater than usual number of swings performing, which makes for a greater than usual number of exciting new performance choices to watch, but can also refer to the idea of a performer taking on an unexpected role

The Expendables - there are a few characters that the show can function without, so when there's just not enough cast members around, these are the first to be cut. They are (in order of most-to-least likely to be cut): Eurydice, Kronos, Askalaphos, Laocoön, Oracle, Luba, Orpheus, Peep host, Persephone. Yes, the show can function and has functioned without PERSEPHONE. Also, shout-out to that one performance where the usual ‘two Peep hosts + Orpheus’ trio was Literally Just Lily, what a show that must have been!

Lonely X Show - mostly just Zagreus, tbh, a Lonely Zagreus Show/Loop gets a special name because his story so strongly revolves around Eurydice that it's a rare and fascinating treat to see what he gets up to when she isn't there. Though that said, there was also once a Lonely Hades Show, and I would pay VIP prices for the opportunity to witness that for myself one day so PD should definitely consider revisiting that some time

Ghost loop - when a character is missing for whatever reason, but you follow their usual path around the space anyway, guided only by memory, sound and light

Lilydorus - once, back in the mists of last November, the online cast list announced we were due to have Lily play Polydorus. They chickened out in the end but the idea of an incredibly unusual piece of chaos casting has stuck with us since, and a Lilydorus is therefore a piece of casting that is so unusual that you'd be more inclined to think it a data input mistake than a genuine debut (which it almost certainly is, but you're still going to hop on a train and book a last-minute ticket while speeding your way to Woolwich just in case)

Peeple - a Wordle-type game which picks up the performers from the daily online cast list and lets you test your casting skills by having you list who you think each performer is playing at that evening’s performance

Swingo - when you have seen a swing play every character in their repertoire, you have achieved swing bingo: Swingo! Some people like to impose additional rules for themselves, like they must have had a 1:1 from the performer, or they must have been walked out by the performer at least once, but I just play by the bare minimum “followed for at least one loop per performer/character combo (and yes loop 1 counts)” rules

Team Kronos - there are no real rules for being a member of Team Kronos; you don’t need to have followed him a certain number of times, you don’t need to have had the 1:1, you just have to dig his vibes. Anyone who wants to can declare themselves a member of Team Kronos (I suspect that some performers who have played this role would not count as Team Kronos members)

Character nicknames heard in-show - Pols, Polydogface, Polydoofus (Polydorus), Skally (Askalaphos), Zaggy (Zagreus), Iphy (Iphigenia), Neo (Neoptolemus), Pat (Patroclus)

Character nicknames used by the fandom - PolyD (Polydorus), PolyX (Polyxena), PolyM (Polymestor), Aska, Asky, Bird Boy (Askalaphos), Aggers, Aggy (Agamemnon), Cly (Clytemnestra), Aeggy, Eggman (Aegisthus)

Character nicknames used by Punchdrunk no matter how hard performers and audience alike push back against it - Eury (Eurydice)

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Canvas, Adhesive, Finger painting :)

One day, us Tumblrites gotta take a stand against "weird question names that require you to consult the question list 1000 times when answering because ???"

Anyway.

Canvas: Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

Yeah, no. Very occasionally, I will make a notepad document I call "squishy red crap" (because it is the viscera and organs and lifeblood of a story all kind of blended up into mush) before writing a thing.

They, uh, look like this. After I clean it up.

I prefer to write the way I prefer to read, which is that I slowly put things together by what details I have, and editing is when I clean this up into a sharp, pointed blade to actually accomplish something.

Adhesive: When you write, do you usually "stick" to one character or story for a while, or bounce around various characters and ideas?

I do now, because I have less time for things, but I used to have at least two or three things running at a time so I could take breaks when my brain wanted to focus on a different type of project for a while. But now it's harder to make time for all of that at once, and I'd like to finish things, so I focus more.

Finger Painting: Share a small snippet from your earliest work (or the earliest that you can get back to). How would you rewrite it today? Either share the rewrite itself or just describe how you'd do it.

HRM. Okay, I'm going to do this in two parts: The oldest thing I can find on my computer, and the oldest thing I have hanging around on paper. But I'm not retyping the paper, so you'll have to see a pic for that.

This is the oldest thing I currently have handwritten. I was 12 when I wrote this, so have some mercy. I actually tried to throw this out at one point, but my former best friend saved it and got it back from her in college, at which point it was more funny to keep than anything.

The first most major changes I would make are start this with Misha in the bathroom mirror sort of explaining what all led her to get there.

Actually, no, the first would be getting rid of these names, which are far from the worst at the time, but ah, I had a "faux Japanese name" thing for a long time.

Mostly, this just has to be cleaned up. There's a very stilted, childish voice I can hear inexpertly telling this story.

Although props to little me for shoving "futile" in there properly at age 12. Just hanging out there, lmao.

This is the oldest thing I can copy-paste from my computer. I was 14 or 15 at the time, and only have this because I'd been emailing a friend updates as I wrote them. The 16.5k words I have weren't all that was written, but it's what I have salvaged.

“Hey, cutie. What are you doing around here?” Seitou whispered suggestively to me. “Oh, screw you, Seitou,” I shot back. “You know I’m taken.” “Aw, but sweetie, you’re just too cute. That girl doesn’t deserve you,” he answered, sweet as honey, but I could taste the venom under it. “Unfortunately, I’m not interested in other males. So find someone else to prey on,” I snapped. Seitou has had a fixation on me for as long as I can remember. Even though I’ve told him I am not interested in guys from the second he started hitting on me, he seems to be too thick headed to get it. I am completely straight, and I have a long-term girlfriend to prove it. Reisha is the most unbelievably beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, supermodels included.  From her long black hair to her perfectly almond-shaped blue eyes. I’m not the only guy infatuated with her. Seitou is a completely different story. Besides being apparently gay, he has never had a known relationship, even with another guy. I have to admit; even though I’m straight, - which means don’t take this the wrong way- he is pretty decent looking. He has shaggy brown hair that is just a little long. And his piercing green eyes unnerve me just a bit. Myself, well, I consider myself average looking. The name’s Hakiro. I can’t figure how I nailed both a hot male and female. My own black hair never behaves the way it should, my brown eyes are a pretty bland color. Sure, I’m definitely my own person, never really fitting in anywhere, but will someone explain how that’s attractive? But even though I don’t fit in much, I have plenty of friends. As I was mulling over these thoughts, I noticed Reisha walking up to me. “I have something to tell you.” She said, sounding slightly grim. Even though I was completely secure in our relationship, her tone concerned me. My instincts proved to be functioning correctly. “I think we should end this.” She announced.

Okay, aside the fact that good lord is there some grammar fuckery going on here, and the names, good lord the names, there's some interesting growth you can note over the two-three years between these. Obviously I, ahhhhhh, had read some BL by then. Because wow is this BL tropey from the time.

But it also just starts straight in the action this time. It's much more active, despite the fact that Hakiro still spends a bunch of time navel gazing. Hakiro is pretty voicey--it's not the best voice, but you can start to see my real knack for dialogue and mimicking speech patterns starting to pop already. The, ah, dialogue tags are not as good. But there's some good things happening on this front that will continue to develop as I continue to write.

I think I would (after changing all the names), importantly change this story to make Hakiro a clearly bisexual kid who doesn't know that yet instead of this gay-for-you thing, because Jesus Christ is he bisexual.

I would also...not start the story here? I don't think this is where the story of Seitou and Hakiro's romance even starts anyway. And almost nothing about this scene makes sense.

Also, the way this is written just has so much unnecessary exposition and description that could be handled much more expertly.

[saficswrites]

Update, and also top three Petrine’s…

Hey guys, no new fics sadly, I’m still far too sick to write and a full recovery from my current (entirely preventable but we don't need to talk about that, thanks doctors) ailment could take up to six weeks.

HOPEFULLY I’ll be able to think more clearly for longer periods, and therefore write, much before that, but knowing my luck there is a nonzero chance I’m just fucked.

I’m holding out hope though, and starting to go a hit stir crazy after almost a week of being even more nonfunctional than usual, so I wanted to make a post.

I’ve written a LOT of Petrine content over the past year and a half, and I figured it would be fun to make a post about my top three favorite Petrine projects, in no particular order.

Surprisingly enough, my longfic is actually number four so these will all be smaller much more manageable fics that you can check out if you feel like it!

Broken Body, Broken Will, Broken Bonds

To start out we have my first ever Petrine/Titania project, and it is… an angsty depressing character study of them both. There’s definitely a theme when it comes to the favorite Petrine fics I’ve written, they all tend to be quite light on smut, if there is any at all, and very character focused.

Almedha, or Queen Almedha

After that we have this fic, taking place in a much more divergent alternate universe than the one before. This one was also written in response to a tumblr anon, so thank you anon! You’re officially my favorite anon. (Don’t tell anyone.)

Seriously though, I really love this fic, and despite having written it myself a certain specific scene gave me so much brainrot that I ended up commissioning an incredibly talented artist to draw it. Updates on that have been pretty sparse but I’ll be sure to share it with you all once I’m done. 🖤

One of Her People

Lastly we have perhaps the most divergent alternate timeline of all, in fact, this fic started off as a planned scene for Elegy of a Forgotten Heir, which became its own independent project after that longfic had to be put on hold so I could focus on supporting myself with commissions.

While intended to be a platonic exchange, friends of mine actually started shipping Vika and Petrine because of this fic, which was just, so flattering to see, but even without that personal feeling of accomplishment, I really love her characterization in this fic.

Well, those are the three fics, none with any smut and all differing degrees of angsty/bittersweet, though the second one is by far the least so.

Typing this out took… a really long time, so much time that I probably should have proofread it, but I want to get it out, seeing the little notification dot when I tab into the website gives me dopamine and also a bit of anxiety but that is starting to improve thankfully.

Anyway uh, if my recovery is as slow as I fear it might be we may get a few more posts like this, otherwise I will hopefully back to publishing fics for you all to enjoy soon.

Thank you so much for all the support, and a special thank you to my two current clients for being incredibly patient with me while I deal with… all this.

The next two fics on the docket *should* be a Sigrun x Tanith coffee shop au, and some Goldmary x Merrin smut.

Hopefully that comes sooner rather than later. 🖤

[catless-and-covenless]

Mt. Vesuvius has nothing on Baja Blast being spilled all over a table.

Okay that's a giant exaggeration but still. G seemed far away tonight and the whole spill seemed even more an indicator that something as wrong. But I'm not going to pry inside a Taco Bell. That's a car conversation at 3am. And no one here is going to let me stay up that long. He asked about Ca but I just shared that she's going home. Makes sense but poor thing. Looks like she has so much on her plate too. I really hope that she will be able to use the flowers and friendship bracelet as anchors during this time.

Something has been weighing on me. Ca hasn't cried and it's making me nervous. There's only so much stress a person can take without crying. I don't want her to be in pain but crying would at least maybe release that stress. I worry if it's not tears and companionship what she's doing to cope with all of this. So much happened in two days. Three. Maybe I can express my worry and offer something when we meet up. Hopefully. I want Ca to be happy

((Complete side note but new high score of Candy Crush UNLOCKED))

I know it's lame but it relaxes me. And apparently G too? At least he seemed to be enjoying watching me play. Probably just zoned out. It was weird though. Maybe I zoned out? Maybe I just had too much caffeine. But I could have sworn as I was thinking about Cr and G that the abyss tried to comfort me. That everything would be okay even if they both had things to talk about eventually. I caught Cr's eye and he gave me The Look. So that part was true. I can only hope the rest is too.

But I'm used to these gut feelings. Used to either the bad timing of premonitions or a something. But I felt something over my shoulder and thought I saw...a jaguar?

Obviously nothing was there....from what I could see,,when I turned around. But I think.....It might have been Tezcatlipoca? It felt like a Nahuatl. It felt...comforting. It's the feeling of being understood and seen. I haven't had much of a moment alone. But.....maybe I can reach out. Tomorrow? After class? Toxcatl is his ceremony after all. I would think he would maybe have answers. Maybe. At least maybe know why R would be trying to do this. It doesn't track.

R might be whatever she is but she loves this town. Causing a type of destruction doesn't make sense. I'm missing something. Or maybe it's the new her. She's different but I suppose I am too.

Maybe G and Cr aren't the only ones who feel like bad things should happen to them. I know I didn't fight back for half a decade. Is it possible R feels like....no. I'm projecting. I clearly am sleep deprived.

Which explains why when Cr started our usual BS I hid behind G. It was fun though. Seeing everyone square up jointly and pick pairs. And when Ji just was so honest about fighting skills..? I don't know. It's the happiest I've felt in a while.

Which made it more devastating seeing Ir tear up. And it's a look I know well. The look of being lost around things that should be familiar. Of having words but no meaning. We went out and talked about it. Hugged and just took comfort. I still had a dried rose on me. So I gifted it to them. I respect them so much. The amount of power and magic under their skin and knowing it must be used responsibly. Not that the others are irresponsible but they're new to this. New to their skins and the abyss being so close. The thinness of the veil. Ir understands and is like me. Opposite banks of the same river. Ir IS nature and nature aids me to push out my will. Once we both settled and went back inside though we all split up.

Cr went with N again. And I miss him so much. I wanted nothing more except to bring him home with me. I don't know. I don't know anything I guess. We'll talk soon and everything will be okay.

And G drove Pablo. Except Pablo was being weird. I think I know why. I think Ca might have been pulling a little prank. It felt like a little poltergeist and she's the only one with that kind of mischief. Which....considering the flickers and lights is a little funny. I mean to be fair if I could do it I would too.

But home was home. Convinced G that walking home alone was not an option with Nahuatl's around. And thankfully had the pjs to accommodate the people. And G...I saw G and just. It was surprising but not....I think he thought I was going to run. To scream. To be scared. But if anything it's just proof that I want to stay more. I wasn't any more gruesome than what I willingly watch on screen. And it's G. It almost broke my heart seeing how he thought I would....I don't know. But it didn't scare me. I just...I don't know how to convince him I'm not leaving? That he deserves someone in his corner. And if his heart is missing...I have one we can share. Even as just his normal or his friend. Even if I want more it's not...a requirement for that. I can eventually learn to love him how I do Cr.

I don't remember much after that. I remember promising Ir in my haze of fascination. A silly thing on my end when I don't know what they do or don't like to eat. Not that my pride didn't take a hit when they didn't like my food. I should have taken some empanadas from Abuela. Those are sweeter.

What I do remember clearly before finding out that I need to diversify my cooking was seeing G tear. I never want to feel so helpless again. All this power under my skin but I couldn't stop my...-...G from hurting. From crying. Crawling in next to him and offering a hug was the least I could do. Holding him close while he explained and just....Ca having that and meeting up with R. It feels bad but Ca wouldn't hurt G. Not willingly. I believe that in my bones.

But it sure doesn't look good.

And It mentioned some things. Things that could help. Things I won't write down. And I told them things that I haven't spoken about in years. Things I haven't had the chance to tell Cr yet. Things I will mention. But if Ir needs leverage I can be a crowbar. G shouldn't hurt anymore or put himself in danger. And Cr deserves a life fully lived. I trust Ir won't sign me up for what I can't handle. If the truth or using me as a bargaining chip can get us closer to Cr being free. I'll do anything. Through heaven, purgatory, and all levels of hell and back. Anything for him.

P. S. Mom likes Ir...maybe there's hope for G? Maybe Abuela talked to her? Here's to hoping

[geminai-ramblez]

ANOTHER MHA AU IDEA!

ANOTHER MHA RANT WITH ME COKO! >:D

Currently stressed though, so, this is me getting that stress out! Apologies in advance!

I have yet to find a name that fits this AU so for now it's nameless but here is what you need to know about it! :D

Not me forgetting my warnings for y'all.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ WARNING: MENTIONS OF TOXIC ENVIRONMENTS! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Anyways, this AU is quite old - like perhaps at least, three years old? Four or five if I remember correctly? It was one of my first AUs and it has gone through so much editing/recreations to get to the point where I'm satisfied.

(I FORGOT TO WRITE THAT IT WAS INSPIRED BY THIS WATTPAD FANFICTION WHERE SHINSOU BECAME IZUKU'S YOUNGER BROTHER. LITERALLY! HE WAS YOUNGER THAN IZUKU! I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME!)

Edit: I found it! It's called "With Love, Comes the Pain by Kirityu_Ryukaro" in Wattpad!

The link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/198360554-with-love-comes-the-pain

I read a fanfic and wrote down the title of this AU which was 'Broken but Not Lost' and boom! Something clicked and I thought and thought till the AU was completed! Well, maybe just the plot points but hey! Here is what I have!

PLOT POINTS -

Izuku is much, MUCH, older in this AU, somewhere between mid-to-early thirties.

Currently 11 for me, Izuku is 34 in this AU!

Izuku 'adopts' Shinsou when he was 15-17 years old.

Once again, I had to go through my notes and get a stable answer he was 25 while Hitoshi was 6! A 19-year difference if you want to know!

Also, he didn't legally adopt Shinsou, he asked if he wanted to come with him after Shinsou admitted to his "not so safe" environment that made Izuku boil with rage.

It would take 2 years before Shinsou asked Izuku to take him away from his group home. Where Izuku informed Shinsou "No" before asking again if he really wanted to; there's a reason why he asked that >:).

Izuku comes from a traditional family which led to a whole lot of problems that ended with Izuku running away when he was around 17.

Izuku hates his father.

Izuku 'loved' his mother and little sister, yes, you read it right, Izuku had a little sister in this AU!

It sounds like the usual, Izuku had a... shitty father and only had a tiny support system with only his mother and little sister but hear me out! A subtle theme this story has is generational trauma which is- a lot to unfold.

Generational Trauma or Intergenerational Trauma, in the shortest term, is trauma passed through the generations. The best example I can give is Enchanto.

I.E) A family member went through something traumatic experience and left those wounds unable to heal properly.

Subconsciously or consciously, it varies between family members, they project that trauma to their children, and those children, who learned it from their parents, projected that to their (grand)children.

It's just a cycle of broken people and open wounds being passed down from one generation to the next.

Why do I mention this? Izuku's father also faced the same type of... pressure that he gave to Izuku and it took so many years for the man to realize that.

Another subtle yet major theme(s?) is processing grief/mourning/overcoming grief because Izuku may care for his mother, he, however, adored his little sister.

His little sister was born sickly and it only got worse as she aged. The illness took her life when she was 13 years old while Izuku was 15. His mother a year afterward also passed away when he was 16, leaving Izuku and his father left of the Akatani family.

Izuku's father ended up in prison at some point in Izuku's life and he remains to be in jail for life. (Not that he cared, mind you, Izuku hates his father, and just because he's in jail won't change that fact.)

Izuku does have a quirk! It's a copy quirk!

This quirk idea came from this fanfic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32035747/chapters/79355059

Called "Mimicry by Monkeygirl77

The quirk is called "Final Stage" which is an emitter type of quirk that resides in the eyes. Whenever the user looks at someone he can "copy" the quirk of someone. What I took from the fanfiction was that as soon as the quirk is copied it permanently stays with the user. The downside to this is that it can't be turned off which is why the user must always cover their eyes unless they want to copy another quirk.

It's even worse when he's in a crowd; it can cause sensory overload because of the number of quirks that are present in a crowd.

Shinsou is an orphan. I have no backstory for him yet it has been a while since I thought of this AU so it'll take a while!

Shinsou has - a lot of issues - the main being: trust, abandonment, and confidence issues.

Shinsou and Izuku are known as a vigilante duo; yes I stand for vigilante Shinsou and Izuku! But this time a father-son vigilante duo!

Izuku has been an active vigilante for 14 years now!

He started when he was 20!

He started as a person helping out shady people, that turned into a hacker, and soon a vigilante.

Shinsou started when he was at least 11 because it took a lot of convincing for Izuku to even agree to train Shinsou.

Izuku just wishes for Shinsou to live a happy, calm life but if being a vigilante and probably a hero is what Shinsou wants? He'll try his darn best to make it happen.

Izuku has been avoiding arrest for a long time now!

Izuku and his father will meet again but in a more fair environment. If you know what I mean.

I think that's all I have for now? I'm trying to remember it all but my brain sucks, so, I'll talk more next time! I have no theme song or name for this AU so bare with me with this. :')

THANK YOU FOR READING SEE YA! (also have a steady rest of your day!) -coko out.