#using both those tags bc i think this is a discussion that needs to be had

[karinyosa]

need someone to do a video essay on nudity in breaking bad/bcs because like i know there's something going on with it but i don't know what

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field // epilogue

summary: seven years later.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 2.7k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. this part is quite tame! idk, discussion of the games as a concept is pretty messed up? obviously r & coryo are both delusional but whats new??

a/n: this is it :') thank you all so so so much for all the love on this fic! it means so much to me that you guys enjoyed it! but don't get too sad (like me) bc i am not ready to let them go so i'll probably do like blurbs and stuff ab this series so stick around for those!

series masterlist // playlist

~ seven years later ~

"You've got this, Darling. It's going to be perfect." Coryo insists, kissing your temple as you relentlessly adjust your hair, trying to tame any imaginary flyaways in your flawlessly straightened hair.

"As long as it's not a disaster..." You mumble, giving up on your hair and refocusing on making sure you have all your papers.

Arena map? Check. Tribute and mentors list? Check. Schedule?

"With you in charge, I do not doubt that it will be anything short of flawless. I know you. You wouldn't have it any other way." Your husband assures you, taking your spot in front of the large mirror to adjust his red coat, matching to yours.

You sigh, tucking the large stack of meticulously organized papers into your bag. "I mean, does anyone honestly expect it to be perfect? It's my first games... There's a small margin for error, right?"

"No." Coryo replies sternly, turning to face you. He grabs your chin as you groan, forcing your eyes to meet his. "There's no room for error, but it will be perfect. So don't worry." He plants a gentle kiss on your lips. "And if you need anything, just call."

"Okay..." You hum, smiling as you look up at him. "I'm going to miss you, though." Your smile shifts into a pout, and he kisses your forehead.

"I know. I'll miss having my assistant around, too." He mumbles against the softness of your skin.

Your time working together under Dr. Gaul had been a dream. Why did everything have to change all at once? You've been together every day for years, and you had the most fun helping plan the games and pitching all your ideas to Dr. Gaul, staying up late over ideas due the next morning and too many cups of coffee, giggling over how funny it would be to see a games where the people of the Districts got to vote over who to send in.

"Do you think it's because that's kind of what happened to Lucy Gray?" You giggled in the dark, feeling Coryo's form shift under the blankets next to you before you felt his breath hit the side of your face.

"Now that you mention it..." He laughed quietly. "Yeah, it totally was."

You had always come up with Dr. Gaul's favourite ideas together. But now, she was gone. And it was just you. You honestly thought that woman was some kind of immortal beast, but clearly, no one is fully bulletproof.

She had offered the position of Head Gamemaker to both of you in her will. You and Coriolanus had worked well together, she had always said that about you. That the two of you were her favourite experiment.

"No, Darling. You take it."

"What? No, we've always done everything together." You protest, furrowing your brow. "She's offered it to both of us, we can do whatever we want, no more waiting for her approval. We can run with it! Come on, it'll be so fun, Coryo."

"That's your dream. Not mine." He smiled at you, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

You frowned, focussing yourself on pulling the buttons of his shirt so they were perfectly aligned. "Are... Are you sure? I don't know if I can do it without you."

"You'll never do anything without me, you know that." He hummed, pushing your hair out of your eyes. "If you need help, just ask. I'm right here. Always."

"I'm not an assistant anymore." You laugh. "Technically, you're kind of my assistant now." You shrug, leaning down to pull on your shoes, white with bottoms red to match your coat.

"Okay, well, I wouldn't put it like that..." He laughs, shaking his head at you and holding out a hand to steady you while you adjust yourself to accommodate your heels.

You take it gratefully, standing up and brushing off your coat once more with your free hand. "Be honest, Coryo, do you think the bear is too much? I feel a little like it's cheating, they don't even really have a chance. Do you get what I mean?"

"Darling," He cups your cheeks in his hands. "No one will be able to look away. That's the most important part."

"I just... I want it to be something different. Something people will still want to watch."

"Everyone will be watching." He assures you. "Now, let's get going. You have a big day ahead."

"Yes sir, Mister President."

"My name is Lucretius "Lucky" Flickerman, your favourite and only host of the annual Hunger Games on Capitol TV, and I have a very special treat for you all this morning before the beginning of the games." You gently remove your coat as you sit down across from Lucky, holding it out for someone to take before the cameras flit your way, though the live audience can already see you.

"For anyone who lives under a rock, this beautiful woman here with me is our lovely First Lady of Panem, and now, Head Gamemaker, Dr. Y/N Snow." He continues as your coat is taken away, and you smile across at him. "Thank you so much for squeezing us into your very busy schedule. Now, how are you feeling about today, Miss Snow?"

"Doctor is fine." You correct him politely, to which he utters a quick apology. "And I am feeling very good about my first games. Dr. Gaul left some big shoes to fill, but I've been working with her for years so I have some really exciting ideas that I just can't wait for the world to see."

"Yes! I'm certain you do." Lucky grins. "Now, I don't know how much of our audience will remember this, but the first time we met was during the tenth games, I was hosting for the first time and you and your husband were both mentors! Just young academy students with some big dreams, isn't that right?"

You laugh, nodding as he speaks and letting the cheers die down. "Yes, I remember that. All of us were kind of getting a feel for how things would work, and my husband was actually the one who came up with the ideas of betting and sponsorships. He has truly always been such a leader, and so smart. He was the one who asked Dr. Gaul if I could help him with his mentorship, and she agreed, and then she just really loved how well we worked together so she kept us around to study under her all these years. It has been such a fun and kind of... fulfilling journey for us both."

"And now, here you are." He nods at you.

"Here I am." You echo it back to him, waiting for another question.

"Now, we have to address what can only be described as the elephant in the room..." He starts, and you try and hide your confused look as you straighten your posture. If there was some kind of problem you should have been made aware before you set foot on stage. "That summer, after your mentorship. Tell us. What happened? Both of you disappeared off the face of the earth right after your success in the games, then came back with these shiny new internships under Dr. Gaul, how did you swing that?"

"Oh!" You laugh, partially relieved it wasn't about these games, but hesitant because everyone knows better than to bring up the tenth games in any sort of detail. "Well, that was the beginning of our internship with Dr. Gaul, and she wanted us to gain some life experience, so we did some touring of the Districts on our own to get to know the people of Panem better. Neither of us had ever left home before, so it was definitely a unique experience that I think was really good for both of us. It was a super secret thing, for some reason. We weren't even to tell our families."

"I see! Well, I hope you learned everything you sought out to?"

"We did." You nod. "And more."

"Okay, well, with that cleared up, tell us more about the games you have planned for us this year. Is there anything new we should be expecting?"

"Oh, definitely." You nod, smiling wide now that you can once again talk about your games. "But I wouldn't want to spoil anything, so everyone will just have to watch." You shrug.

"I don't know if you are aware of this, Dr. Snow," He leans in a little closer, smile on his face. "But one new thing that we know for sure is changing this year, is that the president, your husband, has made it mandatory to watch the games. Not just here in the Capitol, but everywhere in the Districts as well. He made an announcement just this morning, he wants everyone to see what you've worked so hard for."

"Aw." You blush, pressing your hands to your chest. "That's so sweet! No, I didn't know that." The audience eats up your reaction, and you try to keep your eyes on him instead of acknowledging all the clapping and shouts from below you.

"Well, that's just about the cutest surprise! He has a lot of confidence in you." He laughs, reaching over and patting your leg. "You've all heard it here, he's just as good a husband as he is a president!"

"It's true." You agree, hardly audible over the crowds enthusiasm.

"Speaking of your husband..." He says, turning back to look into the wing of the stage and nodding at someone. "He set us up with a little surprise for you, if you don't mind."

"Oh, please." You laugh, covering your face as your cheeks heat up. "Of course he did." You shake your head, whistles from the audience not helping your blush.

"Okay, you can look now. Don't hide!" Lucky laughs, and you lower your hands from in front of your face to be presented with a bouquet of white and red roses. It wasn't an extravagant gift from him, the amount of roses he has gifted to you since your return from Twelve together is astronomical by now, but it's a gesture you cherish nonetheless. You smile as you take them.

"Beautiful, as always." You grin, making a point of smelling them before handing them back to the assistant who's waiting with a vase for them.

"And we have one more thing here, I believe..." He hums, looking back again while you're distracted passing off the wrapped flowers.

When you turn back to look at him you gasp, hands flying up to cover your mouth, fearless of whether or not you would smudge your lipstick. "Is that for me?" You ask, voice higher in octave from the excitement as one of the stagehands walks out with a small dog, fur dyed a soft shade of red with a matching bow around its neck.

"Indeed it is!" Lucky laughs as you're handed the puppy.

"Oh my god..." You smile, tears brimming in your eyes. "Hi there..."

"I think there's a note for you there too..." Lucky urges you and you grab the tag tied onto the bow. "Mind reading it for us?" He says, holding his handkerchief out to you.

"Thank you," You laugh, dabbing under your eyes with your free hand. "A new assistant to match your shoes." You read, laughing at the inside joke.

Everyone laughs, and you get from Lucky's confused expression that you should explain. "Uh, working under Dr. Gaul we would always joke that he was my assistant and vice versa." You laugh, wiping your eyes again before you continue. "I am so proud of you. Finally, the world will see you as I do. Intelligent, strong, and beautiful. Unstoppable. That's why I love you, you're as pure as the driven Snow."

The audience awe's, but you know none of them get it the way you do. "Another inside joke." You nod at Lucky, trying to hold back from crying so much you turn into a mess.

"I stand corrected. That is the cutest surprise." He points to the dog in your lap. "Both literally and figuratively."

"I don't know what I'll do with it." You laugh, shaking your head as the puppy jumps up against your chest, trying to lick your face.

"How about a name, to start?" Lucky prompts you.

"Oh, gosh. Well..." You giggle, lifting it and setting it back down so it will sit in your lap. It's so small, hardly bigger than your hands. It'll likely never grow larger than your lap. It's perfect. "What about Lucky?" You tease.

"Oh, you flatter me, Y/N. Come on, something better."

"I don't know!" You laugh. "I'm not good at naming... things."

Lucky laughs. "Our Head Gamemaker with no ideas? That seems unlikely."

"Okay, okay. You're just putting me on the spot here, I'm a little nervous." You laugh, stroking over the dog's head. "I tell you what, before the games begin this morning I'll come up with twelve names, assign them randomly to the districts, then whoever shall win the games will determine the name of my dog. Does that sound fair?"

"Ah! That's brilliant!" Lucky laughs, clapping his hands together. "And that's a good incentive for anyone who hasn't yet placed their bets or sent in donations for the tributes! Your donation may just be what gives the First Lady's dog its name. How fun!"

"It'll be interesting." You giggle, looking down at the puppy in your lap. It must have been white before the dye, it took so well. Maybe it will fade into a pink before it grows out its natural white fur- you wouldn't want it to stay red forever, but for show, it was perfect.

"Now, we really shouldn't be taking up any more of your time. You have a busy day ahead!" Lucky says and you nod in agreement, standing up and carefully tucking the small dog under your arm. "Thank you for making time for us, I know I'm looking forward to seeing what you have in store for us."

"Thank you. I really hope you all enjoy the games!" You smile, holding out a hand for him to shake which he takes quickly, then allowing you to walk off the stage.

As predicted by a certain Mister President; Coriolanus Snow, your first games as Head Gamemaker went without a hitch. They were perfect in every way. Capitol citizens were buzzing- not just about the games, the mutts you incorporated into the newly decorated arena, or the most shocking kills, but also about your dog. The people loved her, and so did you. She hardly ever left your lap or your side for the duration of the games, which only lasted a matter of days.

The party your husband threw for you at the presidential palace, your home, at the end of the games was extravagant. Coryo couldn't help but broadcast his pride to all of the Capitol. He loved you; you were his, and he needed everyone to know. Not a soul in all the world was anywhere close to being on your level, and shaping you into the perfect wife and First Lady was what Coriolanus Snow considered his greatest achievement. As you stood next to him, his palm tucked neatly against your lower back, you were perfect. More perfect than you were the day you fought for a spot in the mentorships that he granted you, more perfect than the he first time he kissed you, and more perfect than both of the days he had killed someone for you. Without question, he would do it all again if it meant he would get to hold you even just one more time.

"I'm so proud of you, Love." He gently rubs your back, looking down at you while you overlook your garden from the patio off of your bedroom.

You smile, standing up on your toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Snow lands on top." You whisper, biting your lip when you see a shift behind his eyes.

"You bet we do." He hums with a smug smile, lifting you up and carrying you back inside.

And somewhere, thousands of miles away in the Northern shambles of a still recovering District Thirteen, while you and your husband are celebrating, Sejanus Plinth and Lucy Gray Baird share knowing, sorrowful glances when it's announced on the crackling radio that the winner of the Seventeenth Annual Hunger Games was a boy from District Two, and because of this, the First Lady of Panem's dog shall be called Sage.

taglist: @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @klplynn , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @gloryekaterina , @andrewgarfieldsbitch , @queenofspades6 , @pepperonipastas , @ladybug0095 , @lunamothwrites , @sbrewer21 , @mus-tbe-a-weasley , @splxtscreen , @unclecrunkle , @karmaswitch , @coconut-dreamz , @nekee-lilac02 , @ooooglymoooogly , @riddlerloveb0t , @lovedbalances , @notyourwildestdream , @snowlandson-top , @too-lit-for-fanfic , @utopiakys , @deafeningballoonnacho , @roosterschanelslut , @chmpgneprblem , @cosmoetik , , @urvampgfsworld , @carolanns-world@nan-nie , @shakespearseclipse , @iovemoonyy , @notyoursweetheart-honey ,  @xyzstar , @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland , @queenofshinigamis , @elodiebeau , @soulessjourney

taglist is closed for coryo unfortunately, but my requests for him are open!! so send me all your suggestions!! requests here!!

[inke-ri]

So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.

That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.

See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.

Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.

Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.

Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.

However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.

Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.

But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.

That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.

And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.

And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:

- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.

- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.

- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.

(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)

- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.

- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.

- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.

- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.

- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.

- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.

... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.

How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.

Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.

Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.

So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.

... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.

[eerna]

I came across one of your posts about tdp (they're great btw I really like reading them) and one of the tags talked about how the show writers treat Callum like a vile character whose done evil things when he hasn't. Can you elaborate on that? And do you think there's a huge difference between on how the show and fandom treat Callum and rayla?

Aww thanks~ Sure, I don't mind elaborating!

So Callum. This show has a problem where the characters have no logical progress, they just do whatever the plot needs them to do, and Callum is a great example of this. Callum is meant to be an awkward average guy who feels like he doesn't belong anywhere. He's the adopted son of the royal family, which means he's not a peasant who is born into a career, but neither is he a real prince, since he is passed over in the inheritance line. He's not good at being a warrior, or a leader, or any other things that might guarantee him a place in court. Things change when he discovers he has a talent for magic, but since he is human and can't connect to an arcanum, he is forced to choose between letting this one useful thing he's good at go, or doing the "evil" dark magic. An interesting character setup: will he go against what he believes is right to realize his full potential? I wonder where this arc will go! The answer is nowhere, he becomes the first human in history to be able to connect to true arcanum magic the way magical creatures do. Okay, so here is his second character setup: the one and only creature in the world who can connect to EVERY arcanum at once! He will spend each season learning how to connect to different arcanums, and through him, we as the audience will understand the world better. That is exciting, as it's something the magical creatures can't do! Except THAT'S also abandoned right away, and his THIRD setup pretends it never happened and we return to a continuation of the first setup: will he join the dark side and become a vessel for the evil guys to use, will he fall into the same trap of "I would do anything for those I love" as the villains? This could be interesting, but it is now over halfway through the story, so the writers have to resort to cheap writing tricks to make the stakes higher and the tension more real. You see, Callum's "downward spiral" relies on him making bad choices for the right reason, but those bad choices aren't truly bad because the writers are scared of writing a hero who messes up for real. Those bad choices are using dark magic twice, but both times he used it out of selflessness, as a personal sacrifice to save Rayla. He used an already dead ingredient to turn some chains into snakes to save his friend... twice. Both times Rayla reacts as if he'd just slaughtered a whole herd of adorable magical baby deer in front of her. The Starscraper elves say his soul is dark and he has been consumed by evil. The only logical reprimand is given by Sol Regem, who just says "I can smell you've done dark magic before" and gets upset bc Sol Regem is a racist asshole character so it makes sense a single whiff of human magic would anger him. But these other characters are meant to be 100% correct in their assessment of Callum's morality. There is no discussion of whether the end justifies the means, there is no nuance or suggestion that maybe a dead bug is worth saving a life, Callum has done something objectively wrong and should never repeat it again. Here it all dissolves into the age old "is dark magic as presented in TDP morally ok" discourse, which I won't rehash here bc it is well discussed and the TL;DR is: no, TDP didn't do a good job setting dark magic up as an inflexible evil, but the story still acts as if it is one. And it is dumb, because Callum doesn't need to do dark magic to make mistakes! Several times throughout the season I thought they were gonna put him at odds with the rest of the cast, and maybe mess up and "fall into darkness" that way. For example, I thought that when everyone disagreed with him on the topic of destroying Aaravos' prison, he was going to defy everyone out of paranoia (since he is the most sensitive one about this subject) and accidently cause Aaravos' escape that way. But no, they don't even argue over it before finding a solution that makes everyone happy and it turns out that Aaravos was freed by a series of contrivances that tell us nothing new or interesting about any character involved in it, which is CLEARLY a much better story.

This third storyline gets even more muddled by Callum choosing to do the Starscraper Morality Challenge or whatever it's called to try and fix the damage dark magic did to his soul. Okay, so we've established that Callum's love for Rayla makes him act in morally questionable ways, which led to his soul deteriorating, and now this ritual will help him find his way back from it. And so the ritual reveals that he can redeem himself if he focuses on... wait. Am I reading this right? The answer to his issues is RAYLA????? So this means that somehow, loving Rayla is both the reason for his evil deeds, and a way for him not to do evil deeds??? I suppose the story could be saying that loving Rayla doesn't mean doing whatever it takes to save her, but listening to her advice and trusting her when she says she doesn't want to be saved by dark magic, but that is just such a dumb character arc that isn't about Callum or his character arc in the least. His way to deal with his issues has nothing to do with his realizing his potential, it has nothing to do with his journey of connecting to the arcanums. It is a "man needs a woman to act normal" story, and that is just plain dumb and boring and no proper character arc.

And here we transition into your second question. I am not sure what exactly you meant, so feel free to clarify, but I will do my best to answer as is. I think that Rayla and Callum are treated by the fandom EXACTLY the same way as by the show, but sadly this means they suck (it is no secret I was super duper into shipping them once upon a time, so no one is allowed to call me a hater over this opinion). The first two seasons were fine, but from s3 onwards their relationship also faces a lack of a proper arc. In the beginning it seemed like the emotional, gentle Callum was going to de-radicalize the cold, emotionally constipated Rayla and teach her the joys of having people who care for her as a person and not just a weapon. However, this was quickly abandoned for reasons listed in my Runaan family post - Rayla needed a quick escape from her emotional issues to remove any bad parenting responsibility from Runaan and Ethari's backs. From then on their writing problems are a mix of the previously mentioned "characters doing what the plot needs them to do" issue and playing into fan shipping expectations. And thus when they start dating in s3 it is in the blandest, most boring way possible. They are super happy together, they have no friction, Rayla is suddenly more than happy to be emotionally open. Then the plot needs them separated, so she remembers she is supposed to have emotional issues and leaves. Then the plot needs them back together so they start dating. None of this is supported by a logical arc. S3 and onwards reads like a fanfic in the most negative way possible. The "frozen ship" monologue from s6 made me feel like my brain was actively trying to escape my skull, so I KNOW the crew working on the show is aware of the fan perception and are actively playing into them on purpose. Fan tropes are perfect in the context of fanworks, but they also make canon material worse.

Whew. This was long. But Yeah that's basically what I have to say about that.

[safetycar-restart]

Getting feelings over Max releasing a little Lion named Jimmy as merch. It makes me think about how maybe its based off of little!Max’s favorite plushie. And how maybe little!Max wants to give you one too, and he’s all shy about giving you the present but also a little proud bc it was his idea? And look its here now?? Huhu. All your littles just give me all the feels 😭😭

Also the D/S au lestappen idea of having the same professional dom in Monaco tho. 👀👀👀 Like, how do they find about each other? Did they run into each other when one was leaving/arriving? Maybe after it at first they’re kinda awkward around each other? And then maybe if they’re at like a triple header and haven’t seen their dom in like 3 weeks, they kinda commiserate with each other over how much they miss them???

Aw okay yes I love both of these ideas so much!! I'm so happy you guys are enjoying all the littles content! And yeah I'm also loving this lestappen idea, so I'm gonna tag it with 'D/S AU - lestappen' so that we can group all the content about it because I would LOVE to discuss it more and develop it further. I'm gonna discuss each of these ideas a little bit and then I can always expand on them in future asks if you guys would like :))

LITTLE!MAX:

Jimmy the lion!!! Max is so so proud of him!! Of course max was absolutely terrified of releasing it as merch, and his management certainly looked at him like he'd gone insane when he first suggested it. But he wanted to do it so badly.

I almost think it's a way for max to accept his little space into his every day life? For so long he denied that aspect of himself, refused to acknowledge it until he couldnt stop a drop. He wouldn't prepare for it at all, never allowing himself to buy plushies or toys or cute jammies for his little self.

But now that he's grown to accept that side of him and actually allows himself to think about it and prepare for it and plan for it? He lets himself look over his schedule and allocate time just to regress and be cared for.

He's come so far and he just... he wants a way to represent his little self in his merch and in how people see him. The lion plushie is absolutely perfect for that and while his fans are a little confused when it gets announced, they absolutely LOVE it.

And oh my god of course he must give you one!! He's so nervous for that, so nervous to give you something like that because it's so so special to him. He waits until he's regressed, wrapping the present nicely in his adult headspace and leaving it with his toys for him to get when he regresses.

You're so shocked when little max crawls into your lap later and shyly hands you a gift, making you promise you won't laugh before you open it. And of course you love it!!! You give both your maxy and your new jimmy a forehead kiss, promising maxy that you'll take good care of your new plushie.

D/S AU - LESTAPPEN:

I love the idea that they run into each other outside of the building? So maybe you're a professional dom in Monaco known for being exclusive and private, so much so that you have your own studio that you use for scenes. This means that there's no way either of them could have been there for something different when they run into each other.

Max is exiting your studio, a small smile on his face and zero tension in his body because he's just finished his scene with you and he feels so good. What max loves about you is how you always give your subs as much aftercare as possible, allowing them to cuddle with you for hours until they're ready to leave.

On that day, max stayed even longer than usual so that when he left, Charles was already there waiting for his scene. Charles, conversely, was all stress and nervous energy. He needed this scene so bad, needed to be taken into subspace and made to feel whole again.

They're in shock when they run into each other, neither of them knowing what to say now that they knew. Even though both of them had official team doms to use an emergency, those doms couldnt raise a candle to you.

"You too?" max asks, surprised. Charles just nodded and headed inside, not being in the right headspace at all to think about the fact that max also scened with you.

Charles doesn't mention this to you when the scene starts, and he and max don't acknowledge it for weeks until it's the third race in a triple header and neither of them have been back to Monaco since before the triple header began.

Charles goes to max to complain about how much he misses you because he knows Max would understand. Anyone else he tells would just tell him to use the Ferrari team dom if he needs to be taken down, but no thats not what he needs. He needs you, and he knows max will understand.

Max does understand, and they end up talking about how good of a dom you are and how much they miss you. After that, they talk about it more and more.

I also think they'd start to talk about how much they both hate the idea of you domming other people? They know you're a professional dom and so of course you have other clients and neither of them have any right to be upset about that. But well... even though they're submissive they're both also possessive of you. They both want you with them all the time and their skin crawls when they think of how they're all alone missing you and you're busy domming other clients.

Interestingly, neither of them seem to mind that you dom the other though...

[sunnydbd]

some fanart of HEAT STROKE! by @zorno-graphic on ao3 + 3L!Scar

text in second pic: You're a messy eater

uncensored link : ❤︎︎

twt : @ sunnybutlame

the rest of this post is just yapping abt the fic,, so light spoilers for heat stroke!

ngl im super nervous posting this and idk why??(i do, its bc im tagging the author..)

anyway, i didnt think this fic would ever be finished as the months went on and rolled over into next year but then i got the email notification and nearly screamed(yes that is embarrassing to admit..)

i cant, and probably could never, fully explain the sheer amount of detail that zorn put into this fic(and also the other fic ive read from them, Tweetheart, which is my roman empire) youll get more insight, and far less rambling brain slurry from the recesses of my animal brain, if you read both the fic and the comments as discussions on there are far more introspective citing direct quotes from the fic also have great author feedback, the rest of this post is something i wanted to note

the fic is riddled with contrasting elements(im mostly focusing on chapter 2 when i say this as its fresh in my mind) like in the descriptors, monologue, and characterization. 

comparatively Grian’s and Scar’s characters are complete opposites, Grian’s invasive to intimacy and outright tries to deny it(trying to physically leave their house) while Scar is the one who initiates the intimacy and craves vulnerability(not saying Grian doesnt initiates anything between the two just that Scar is less repressed.)

a similar example of this is in the sex scenes, the inherent intimacy of sex and how Grian acts during(practically begging sometimes) is contradictory to his established character, standoffish(once again im directing you to the comments as lovely user sheepfriend and zorn have a great conversation further explaining Grian’s character better than i am) while Scar is so delightfully pathetic and almost takes a submissive role(??) which is against his confident demeanor throughout the fic(dunno know where else to mention this but i love the uses of dog imagery for Scar its just so good, mwah chef kiss)

 in Grian’s inner monologue he feels remorse when looking at the scars hes caused on Scar’s body but then later on, still in his inner monologue, revels in the fact that hes left his physical mark on Scar(again reading those comments from sheepfriend and zorn give far more insight) 

water and thirst is often used as a metaphor for desire in the more intimate scenes, "Water sidling up to the hard coast that is Scar’s body, the firm landing strip of bones.”, “He’s thirsty, he realizes, the withering curling need gathering on his tongue and down his throat.” this imagery is very contrasting to their environment, which is a desert, and also to the catalyst of the fic, Grian’s heat(in an etymologic sense rather than in the context of the fic)

theres in fact no thesis statement to this long post aside from the fact that zorn loves the use of contrast(thats the entirety of the 2cents i wanted to chip in,) but if you want a far better explanation of the insane rambling i just wrote i direct you to this lovely post by zorn from his blog ! i recommend if you havent read HEAT STROKE!(or Tweetheart because its good !!) you should read the fic first and then the post as it really puts the vibe you get throughout both fics into words❤︎︎❤︎︎

honestly zorn's writings have greatly influenced my writing and(when i first read Tweetheart) got me back into writing, their writing style is so good and is chalk-full of detail and care i truly cant recommend their works enough or put it into words(which is why this paragraph is so rambling,,)the sheer amount of creativity and detail in every aspect of his fics❤︎︎❤︎︎

also, didnt know where else to mention it, i love the way zorn writes Grian's and Scar's dynamic(like?? hellofjdkj???)

i have no idea if this makes any sense i havent slept in hours and its catching up to me,,.

[cafeinthemoon]

It's a Fire - Chapter III

Chapter 3

Wordcount 3,9k

Title Family Portrait

Fandom Kimetsu no Yaiba / Demon Slayer

Previous chapters

1 . 2

Symbols ⭕ ➕ 🖤

Warnings:  Attempt to agression toward a minor; agressive, abusive behavior; mentions of alcoholism, grief and loss

Tagging ? (If you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment on this chapter or send an ask or a message)

N. A.: So, finally I'm having a break from work! I was on vacation and had plenty opportunities to rest and forget about the same, stressful and boring routine, and now I'm back to my writings at last <3 This chapter has the very scene that made me write this whole story, and I'm so proud of it! I'm really happy to share it with you! Also, the end of this chapter had me struggling a bit, mainly bc of the amount of information I should include in it or leave to the next one, but I think I found a reasonable midterm. There was also the question involving the photographs, for I couldn't remember if photography was a technology present in Demon Slayer or not (I had to do a research about photography in Japan to confirm lol)

I really hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

The omnipresent tension in each step you took in the Rengoku’s house right in your first day followed you in the next ones, whether you were alone in your room or with others, and in different places, but nothing compared to the few times you’ve met your husband: it was like he was always avoiding you, so whenever you saw him, it seemed to be by chance, as if he failed in keeping his distance. Sometimes, he wouldn’t say anything, but would acknowledge your presence by a direct look or a move of his head, to which you’d reply politely, and the few occasions when he exchanged words with you, the conversation, limited to basic inquiring about practical, daily subjects, would never go beyond one minute or two.

The closest you’ve come to discuss your situation was when one day, after receiving monosyllabic responses, he addressed your discontentment in the most direct way he could, catching you in surprise.

– Listen. I can see this is not what you planned for yourself, but let me tell that I’ve never planned to bring another woman to this house as well. Yet our families had an alliance in the past, and we must honor it.

You bit your lip at those words.

And honor the lots of money my father sent to you.

Instead of spitting your bitter thoughts, however, you responded him with a simple question.

– May I ask you something, Rengoku-sama?

– What is it? – he frowned.

– If honoring this alliance is something we both must do, why do you sound like you’re lecturing me?

It didn’t go unnoticed by you the spite he tried to restrain in the way he clenched his lips. For a moment, you thought you just made a big mistake in speaking like that, and moved one feet back.

But nothing more than a few composed words came from him in response.

– Let’s just say that your father and I had a conversation in which he pointed out that, despite your many talents, fulfilling duties like this can be a sensitive, not to say difficult, subject to you. I myself have issues towards it too, still I don’t want it to become an obstacle for us.

You measured those words. Finally, something you both agreed, you thought. But you decided to follow through a different path, directing the pressure to your father’s account.

– Rengoku-sama, I don’t know when was the last time you’ve saw y/ln-sama before the wedding arrangements, but I suppose it happened long ago, so that I need to bring some things to your attention. My father is a stern man, too attached to his traditions and too busy to take time in learning about what lies beyond them. These traits only increased since my mother passed away, and he has been spending more and more time by himself, barely talking to anyone but the servants. So, it might be just my opinion, but if we really want to make this work, seeing your new wife through such man’s eyes is not going to help you, nor her.

He spent a moment in silence, pondering your words. You had no doubts that if you were a boy and younger, he would’ve already showed an inflamed reaction, but having a young woman using all her dignity was enough to make him hold himself in place.

– I will take this as a sign of compliance.

Before you could say anything, he turned his back and headed to his room with no additional comments.

Never he asked how you were feeling in that new environment, if your room was of your like or if the servants have answered your needs, neither before or after this episode. Yes, after seeing you burning your father’s letter with no hesitation, he might have supposed that your feelings towards the situation weren’t the best, but even so you’d consider it a matter of gentleness, after all you were a couple. But gentleness didn’t seem to be a known concept by Shinjuro, and you wouldn’t take too long to see examples of that.

One of the first things that brought you uneasiness concerning your husband was the fact that, whatever the period of the day or the occasion, he was always accompanied by a bottle of sake; you’ve never seen him using a cup, however, and even in times he wasn’t drinking, a moment standing next to him was enough for one to notice the subtle smell of alcohol.

There was a morning when you just opened your room’s door and put your feet on the corridor, and a sequence of angry yells came to your ears. You stopped immediately and, glancing around, you saw a young servant kneeling in front of Shinjuro’s door and trying to speak to him, maybe about an issue concerning the house. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but apparently the man has delivered unpleasant news and asked for an answer, which infuriated his lord.

You kept listening to the unnerving communication between the two, and had to suppress a scream with your hand over your mouth when your husband screamed and threw a bottle full of liquid at the young man, who flinched, protecting his head under his hands; this measure wouldn’t work if the bottle has crashed on him, but fortunately it hit the wall behind after passing over his head. The sharp pieces of the bottle spread with a crash on the floor, now soaked with the sake, then there was silence. The young man excused himself and left before something worse took place. You bit your lip.

What could be so irritating that got him acting that way? My goodness…

You were standing in the doorway, still observing, when the sight of Shinjuro’s shadow on the wall hit by the bottle woke you up and made you go back inside your room, closing your door quickly (and quietly) as possible. You returned to the middle of the room and waited, afraid that he decided to take your room’s direction, but to your relief, none of this happened, so you sat back on your bed to catch your breath.

So, this is what I’ll have to live with under this roof. I’ll be sharing this place with a beast.

You walked around the house with a blade hidden in your sleeve and slept with your sword beside you every night after that.

***

In the following days, you’ve saw similar episodes, all of them giving you enough reasons to stay on guard in his presence. This was even more important when Senjuro was around. The boy, you noticed, was used to this behavior, though he was never able to completely disguise his discomfort towards it; it was clear that he had memories of a time when things were different, for what other reason he had for not letting his conscience go numb in front of the things he saw everyday? You considered this a fortunate trait, and reinforced to yourself the task of protecting the goodness your stepson had in him.

There was a day when you faced the need of transforming this determination in action.

It’s been a full month since your wedding day, and you created the habit of taking walks in the garden behind the house after an occasion when your husband saw you heading to the kitchen. You passed by him and, before you could carry on your way, he called you.

– Rengoku-sama?

– I’ve heard you’ve been bored these days. I’d feel like that if I was in your place too – and, pointing at what he supposed to be the garden’s direction, – From the porch of these rooms, you can find a narrow path that leads to an old garden at the south wing. Go take a walk there from time to time. It might help you with the paleness in your face.

You nodded and murmured a “Thank you” to that strange favor, but he didn’t finish yet.

– But make sure to avoid it at evenings, though. We never know what might appear at this period of the day.

You didn’t reply. You just stood there, watching as he distanced himself through the corridor. You started using the garden, but obeyed his instruction and never lingered there when the evening approached.

The garden, indeed, had the appearance of a place that hasn’t been used for a long time. The path that crossed the area, connecting all its zones, was covered in grass and weeds, its stones invisible under them in some spots; the trees were overgrown, with fallen branches suspended by the ones still connected to the trunks, and thick layers of dead leaves surrounding the trees and their roots; there were bushes full of dry leaves as well, and some were taken over by cascades of wild flowers. Everything smelled like abandonment and melancholy.

One morning, you were just walking like the previous occasions, but you looked ahead and found Senjuro there, wielding a training sword. You smiled and approached.

– I hope I’m not interrupting anything?

He startled, but smiled when he recognized you.

– Good morning, y/n. I haven’t trained regularly the last months, but now I’m trying to regain the wasted time.

– That’s good to hear! – you crossed your arms – Speaking about this, I haven’t trained since I left my father’s house. Would you mind training with me?

Senjuro opened a content smile at this.

– It’s okay for me. It’s good to have company while training.

He decided to go back to the house and find another wood sword for you.

You’ve spent the entire morning having fun with your swords clashing. In fact, Senjuro knew all the basic moves your mother taught you, so that there was little you could teach him in this sense, but you noticed he struggled a bit with changing his position quickly enough to defend himself from surprise attacks, as if his body couldn’t follow his eyes; still, he was fast with his feet, and you thought you could help him work on this. On the other hand, you struggled with physically strong strikes, and since he was already stronger than you despite his age, you found yourself using your feet more to stand in place than to explore the space around you.

You even managed to have conversations about your progresses and goals concerning the art of the sword.

– I know I have little chance to surpass my brother, at least in developing the family’s Breath Style – Senjuro told you once – But I still can serve as a security worker or follow other paths. I want to dedicate my life to an honorable career, even if it means not wielding a sword at all. Still, I really like training.

– My choices are even smaller than yours when it comes to using a sword – you replied – But I want to do honorable works too. When my mother was alive, I thought my biggest dream was to develop my own Breath Style and work by her side in the Demon Slayer Corps. But now that she’s no longer here, I’m not so sure about this. I’d prefer to think that I’ll wield my sword to protect myself and the ones I care about, whether against a demon or another being.

You didn’t know, but your words would become prophetic a few days later, when what should have been just another morning training turned into a disturbing episode involving your stepson and your husband.

The thing was that, sometimes, Shinjuro demanded his son to go to the town’s market and buy sake for him instead of going by himself. This was revealed to you by Senjuro when you asked where he was going so early in the morning one day, and other times you saw him being sent by his father in other periods of the day with no right to question. You wanted to interfere, of course, but without a good plan of action and judging by how Shinjuro dealt with the servants who displeased him, you could tell you wouldn’t be treated less harshy.

You were in the middle of the training: Senjuro was experimenting a new technique and you were instructing him, when a sudden noise behind you made you stop and turn. Both of you held your breath when you saw Shinjuro approaching with impatient steps, but unlike your stepson, you didn’t let your sword down, waiting to see what he had for you that time.

He was the first to speak, directly to his son.

– So this is where you’ve been hiding the last mornings? Are you really avoiding your tasks by playing with fake swords with your stepmother? – he inquired; and, before the boy could say anything, – I need you to go to town and buy me sake now.

Senjuro made a shy attempt to argue:

– But, father, I’ve already bought you some yesterday…

– I gave you an order! – the other cut off – You’ve never been great with swords anyway. And now aren’t you even able to obey your father?

The boy gave up replying, but still hesitated, the sword in hands. You clenched your own hand around yours, gritting your teeth behind your closed lips.

That’s not fair. This kid’s been left alone with this man for a long time. It’s my turn to stand up for him.

– He can’t leave the house at the moment, Rengoku-sama – your voice came out loud and clear in the tense silence established between the two males; you positioned yourself ahead, in a way that would protect Senjuro from his father’s reach, yet not separating the them from each other – He has a training session to finish. A servant can go in his place.

Shinjuro’s eyes, flaming at the slightest touch of the sunlight, had nothing to you but resentment for your intrusion. Who the hell you think you were to stand between him and his son when this latter needed correction?

– Someone as grown as you should know where to stop playing, y/n – his tone was rough, and you didn’t know if it was sarcasm or just rage what you sensed in it – There are many things inside the house to which you could dedicate your time to.

You swallowed.

He’s really telling me to abandon the sword and start playing his wife?

Senjuro apparently feared that something worse was about to happen, and tried to calm down the situation again.

– Father, what if I finish here and immediately go to the market…

Shinjuro turned to him.

– You’re still trying to argue?! You brat!

Ignoring your presence, the man raised his hand toward the boy, perhaps too blind by his own anger to notice that he would never reach his victim and to underestimate your choice of putting yourself between them, for his punch never completed its route: coming from underneath, your sword slapped his hand away with a harsh strike, full of your impatience and indignation; you stood in front of your husband, completely hiding his son, and pointed the wood tip at his face.

– Senjuro-san, here’s a lesson for you – you say, without taking his eyes off his father –When a reckless individual approaches a swordsman, you must make sure he understands he’s making a terrible mistake.

Maybe your strike wasn’t as strong as you intended it to be, or your husband had an abnormally high pain tolerance, for his response, after a brief shake of his beaten hand, was to grab the length of your sword and hold it so tight that you couldn’t move it away. Your eyes widened at the wood cracking around his grip.

– Senjuro-san, two lessons for you – mimicking your attitude, he spoke to his son, but his eyes were glued on you – First, always remember to hold your sword the right way. Second, never start an assault without measuring your adversary’s strength.

He let go of the sword at last, turned his back on you and left.

When all the signs of his presence disappeared, you let your sword down and turned to Senjuro. Swallowing every bit of shame or disappointment, you opened a smile. The gesture confused him, but soon you clarified it.

– Your father is right. In a battle, prudence is everything – and, wielding your sword again, – Let’s try again.

***

Days have passed.

During all this time, you haven’t seen Shinjuro except for one time or two, and only at distance. No conversation happened between you, not even through the servants. Not that you were sad or ashamed by it, of course: you did what you had to do to defend Senjuro, and you were always trying to be reasonable and polite despite the unfavorable circumstances; unlike your husband, you had nothing to regret about. The only thing you felt was an increase in the tension that already existed inside the house, which put you in an even deeper state of alert. On the other hand, no interruptions happened during your next training sessions, and Senjuro seemed more at ease whenever you were around: he has been fulfilling his tasks with more diligence, and didn’t hesitate in calling for help when necessary. You were happy to see that a slight chance of him reaching a healthy, mature state still existed despite what he has seen and might still see there.

But not even this proof of your right decision to take care of him could erase the uneasiness in your perception concerning his father: you couldn’t help wondering why, and how, he became the person you were seeing now. Your parents, each one in their own manner, assured you that he was a good, honored person, someone who dedicated his life and energy to protect people from literal demons – so what kind of thing could provoke such transformation, that is, if he was really how your parents pictured him?

This mystery has been eating your mind up, and you had no courage to ask Senjuro about this; you didn’t want to be intrusive, neither you intended to bring back unpleasant memories he might have had. At the same time, you didn’t see ways to figure it out by yourself, or at least no one that didn’t involve invading spaces that weren’t meant for you, including parts of the house which access was forbidden, such as the living room. With all the things that happened since you went to live in that house, as well as the fact that you were too concentrated on your own feelings, you hadn’t the time to feed any curiosity about these places, but this started to change since the argument at the garden. What if the answers were all inside them?

Part of you was convinced of this, yet was against an intrusion: you weren’t even expected to be there a few months ago, and now you wouldn’t be able to follow a simple rule? What kind of adult you were? Other part, however, was just waiting for an opportunity.

And it came one day, when Shinjuro decided to go after his sake by himself.

You were passing by an inner corridor from where you could see the front door when you noticed it was left open. At first, you supposed that Senjuro forgot to close it and went there to do it, but one step toward it and you saw Shinjuro walking away, passing under the portal and heading to the street that led to the town. He was dressed properly and wearing sandals, so you understood he was going to spend some time away from home and was probably see a significant amount of people; besides, he had empty hands, implying that his bottles were all empty as well. You’ve already suspected that, after the beef in the garden, he learned to buy his own drink without bothering his son, and now you were relieved to confirm it. You quietly closed the door and followed through the corridor.

Guilty clenched a hand around your heart while you approached the door and pushed it to the side, but that wouldn’t make you give up. You took a deep breath and stepped into the living room…

And found it completely tied up, as if someone cleaned it yesterday.

The floor was glowing with a new wax layer, the furniture and decoration had no signs of dust over it, and so did the paintings on the walls; there was a slight scent of perfume in the air, confirming your supposition about the cleaning. You observed the space and thought it could be a living room as any other, if it wasn’t for a detail.

The photographs.

They spread everywhere you looked, from the tables to the walls, silent guardians of the house’s memory, of a time when that family had a different, correct, happier structure, where every member had their natural, special place reserved among their loved ones, each one united with the other by the strongest bond.

A time that this family will never see again.

There you observed a younger version of your husband, whether in common, traditional clothing or in his uniform as a member of the Demon Slayer Corps, and understood that your parents were referring to this Shinjuro whenever they spoke about him, the healthy and tied up responsible head of his house, the hard worker you’d never guess that existed if it wasn’t for your parents’ word and those images. A man who was no longer there, though he continued to live.

And beside this man you found the ones he lost, people who also ceased to exist, but in a literal, painful sense.

First, a young man who resembled him in each trait, and who chose to follow his steps judging by his solo portraits in the Corps clothing. On his face, always a content, vivid expression that made you smile before you could stop yourself. You imagined how loved and cherished he might have been in that house… and how much of that very house’s light was gone when they found out he would never step into it again.

Second, sometimes with her free, delicate hands on sight, sometimes with them occupied holding a baby who became your stepson, a woman with light clothes and brown hair falling over her shoulders, maybe younger than you by the time those photos were taken, always by the side of the man who was now married to you, but the happier version of him, surely being like this because of her. A woman with a quiet, peaceful smile and a pair of ruby gems as eyes, staring at the camera with a gaze that would trespass the lens and the time to reach you, making you unravel the mystery that has been haunting your mind those days.

This was the woman he loved, then. This was the reason why he couldn’t stand you.

You sensed a hole forming inside your chest and tears starting to blur your sight, making the family disappear before you, but it wasn’t jealousy you had of them, not even of the woman. It was pure sadness.

What a beautiful woman… What a beautiful family… What has my father done?… What am I even doing here?…

You turned to your side, to the door’s direction. Leaving that room the way you found it and forget about what you saw there was the most decent thing you could do after disobeying the rule you’ve been taught. Maybe that was the reason why you should never be allowed there: it wouldn’t do you any good to see what those people were before you entered their lives, and what they’ve lost before they were given you as a poor excuse for a member. But now it was too late to regret this.

As well as it was too late to hide what you did when, standing at the doorway, you found Senjuro staring at you with worried confusion in his eyes.

Chapter 4

[ganondoodle]

Oh man I saw your totk issues post and I agree 100%!! Those are all things that have really bothered me about playing totk, and things that made playing it not nearly as fun (the dungeons, the shrines, the building, etc).

Especially the map!! When I tell you I was so disappointed by the maps on totk, I was hoping for something new! It really just feels like a modded botw, not an official sequel.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on the concept of “what if they had sent link to the past instead”? So the surface map would feature huge differences in the land forms and buildings that exist, and we’d get to see more ganon whenever he visits Hyrule, or go out to the desert to see Gerudo town, etc.

If they really wanted no sheika tech, they could also just have it being newly built? And you could introduce the new characters and such, etc etc.

(I also think the past champions are such a missed opportunity? If botw is about grief and loneliness, and finding hope in the hopeless, and Totk is about coming together despite that, it could have been really interesting if Link had gone to the past! They could have used the past setting as an eerie reminder to what Link and Zelda had lost when the Calamity struck!)

THAT BEING SAID: I’m not as familiar with the legend of Zelda lore, and haven’t played totk very much! I wanted to know your thoughts on this because you seem to have a lot of story and game mechanic knowledge that could explain why this could be a bad/good idea!

(Plus, your discussions are always super interesting to read, as is your custom totk lore, so I’d love to know what you think🩷)

I’m sorry if you’ve already answered an ask like this! If that’s the case, feel free to point that out and I’ll go through your ask tag if you have one:) I hope you have a great day!⭐️

Hi!

im glad you enjoy my rants, i often feel like im being overly mean but tbh were else could i just rant as much as my heart desires without getting spammed by annoying people (certainly not on twitter lol)

i have talked alot, and i mean ALOT, about totk and my issues with it, both lore and gameplay wise, i dont claim to be an expert on any, though i am an old zelda fan and aspiring gamedev, i really only talk about what i feel about it, what i think about it, and by all means im biased as hell xD

if you dont know yet, the "ganondoodles rants" tag is where all my rants go, so if you are interested in reading more on my totk thoughts thats the way to search (given tumblrs search in blog works ..)

and to answers your question, i have touched on it briefly, sending link back in time before the shiekah tech existed would have been an easy way to excuse how they jsut got .. rid of it, bc they didnt, it literally didnt exist yet- and for reusing the map- though that argument falls a little flat bc ... they coud have already done that in present totk, like i brought up in one of said rants, things like flooding gerudo desert, collapsing death mountain, drying out zoras domain etc, and changing the location of the main populations would have already done alot without having to redo the map in its entirety;

the little changes to map itself really wouldnt that big of a deal if they didnt also send you to the EXACT same locations AND repeat the SAME LOCATIONS AGAIN but in the underground, like thats a fact i have talked about multiple times bc its so illogical in every way, anywhere theres a settlement on the surface theres a bigger mine below, its so stupid, the shrines conenct to a lightroot, the same, again, you dont need to explore bc theres nothing TO explore (its also extra weird bc theres one below taburasa (tarrey town) which .... link literally build with dumsda (hudson) a few years ago .. unless that got retconned too idk wth do i know anymore honestly- AND it makes the sonau extra weird bc why the hell do they have a bigass mine under every settlement ESPECIALLY UNDER GERUDO TOWN like, that just adds to my suspicions towards them)

anyway, link to the past was the point and yes, it could have solved a few issues (mainly shiekah tech and the whole "story" taking place AGAIN in the past completely disconnected from you the player) i personally am not so much a fan of it, but that mostly comes down to me just not liking time travel, i dont like going back in time, i want to play and do things in the here and now, i want to repair the damages of the calamity, find out its origins, maybe fix that too, i love to learn about past stuff too, but that more in text, no literal flashback (unless done well), i want to connect to the past but it also holds alot of mystery that maybe shouldnt be touched upon, some mysteries and unkowns are much more interesting when left as such, i want to THINK about things and come to conclusions that are logical and makes sense in hindsight even if it wasnt clear at the start, i dont want information and what to think about it told to my face over and over like im stupid

after botw i really didnt care much about the past, maybe about the acient hero who alot of people specualted to be of gerudo origin due to its red hair- which also got a monkeys paw curled bc in totk they do sth with but its so stupid and insulting that i do not accept it as canon, say what they want, there are no dog people anywhere in the past nor present botw/totk wtf is that i hate it- and its not even .. why is that the reward for that, it has literally NOTHING TO DO WITH TOTK ITSELF I COULD YELLLL AAAARGH

main point is that really, i wanted to explore the past .. in the present, i hoped to find broken old shiekah structures, old labs and maybe some left over damage and records from when the old king persecuted the shiekah for their tech, i wanted to know where the ancient energy the shiekah used was coming from, what the boss arena in the middle of hyrule castle really was- so many things just discarded and acted like they never happened or mattered; i dont want to travel into the past, i want to discover whats left of it, piece it together, discover dark secrets you can ask no one about bc all that knew about it are long gone- thats what intrigued me about botw, it felt like there was so much left to discover only for totk to throw it all away and just do its own thing .. but not commit to that hard enough either so its neither its own thing nor a sequel-

.. that wasnt really what you wanted to know was it? xD sorry i tend to ramble on if someone seems to give me permission to

to sum it up, i think it COULD work, sending link to the past instead, if done well, but so could canon totk have been, it could have been done well but wasnt for reasons i dont know and tbh even fear bc i worry its sets a dark future ahead of zelda; i personalyl am just not a fan of time travel so i dont have that much to say to it :O

[imminent-danger-came]

https://www.tumblr.com/acoraxia/751189590385328128/i-do-want-to-like-macaque-but-the-way-the-only?source=share

I feel like this post is wrong, and not just bc I love macaque, just the shadowpeach relationship and the parallels they provide to other relationships and macaque parallels to other characters feels like such a vital part to lmk as a whole. But I'm not good at words, so asking for your imput

I don't want to, like, "gossip" behind anyone's back or anything, so I'll open this up to a discussion with @acoraxia! Hello, how are you, I hope you're having a good day.

(Here's the post if others are interested in readin' it!)

Now, I love Macaque, and I think he's one of the most important characters in the show. I presume "theater kid antics" is referring to Macaque's dramatic nature, but I'd hardly call that his defining characteristic. Macaque is a loser: he's spiteful, he's selfish, he's cowardly, he's paranoid, he's god awful at communication, he's obsessive (particularly over Wukong)...but we've also seen the ways he can put the world/others above himself (3x13, 3x14, 4x10, 4x14), and how he's capable of self-reflection and overcoming his past hurt/hatred ("Wukong was on a path of self-destruction...we all were"). We're, dare I say, at a point now where I'd even call Macaque reliable, in his own way. He'll show up for MK & Wukong, he'll "stick his neck out" for them, and I'm honestly so proud that he chose to stay till the end in 4x14 (versus his choice to run in 3x10). It's wild to me that he's the only 3 of the monkeys who has actually had a positive character arc, but that's just where we're at currently.

I think the claim that you could "remove him from the story and it wouldn’t change much" is greatly downplaying Macaque's role and importance to Wukong, both narratively/thematically and as a character. DBK and Wukong weren't close, but for Macaque, Wukong was his entire world. He (along with Wukong's fear of mortality) was the reason the great Monkey King reached for power in the first place. Both DBK and Azure had their own goals outside of Wukong (not that DBK particularly cared for SWK anyways)—what's important about Macaque as a character is that his motivation and loyalty was only for Wukong, and not towards any greater purpose or goal. Macaque and MK are very similar in that way: neither of them have lofty aspirations, and they are completely content with "quitting while they're ahead" ("Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be" ; "You're the one who wouldn't quit while we were ahead!"). Both hate change, and both have been hurt by their belief in Wukong.

I'm admittedly a bit...I guess confused, by this opinion, as entire episodes (1x09, 2x07, 3x04, 4x10, 4x11) are centered around Macaque and his relationship to both Wukong and MK. Macaque is there to show us the ways in which Wukong has both abandoned and hurt the ones he loves; he's a very important foil to both MK and Mei, as well as other characters like Azure. That's Monkie Kid's main theme right, the fact that you'll hurt your loved ones and they'll hurt you, but you love and care about them anyways (I have a whole tag around lmk's hurt/pain theme, for those interested).

Let's look at a few examples of this, particularly involving Macaque, Wukong, Mei, and MK:

Macaque: "Come on! Show me the real Sun Wukong! The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic!"

(1x09 Macaque)

-

Sun Wukong: "STOP! If you hurt that kid I'll-" Macaque: "-What. Make things worse for MK?"

(3x09 The King, the Prince, and the Shadow)

-

Mei: "Time and time again I've watched you put MK in danger leaving him to figure out EVERYTHING on his own. Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?"

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

-

MK: "Until I know what I am, what my destiny is? I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the ones I have left."

(4x08 The Brotherhood)

-

(the 3x10 and 4x08 ones are direct parallels in particular, which I know I never shut up about them, but they're so, so important to understand for the Monkey's (+ Mei) arcs.)

In seasons 3 and 4, both MK and LBD have posited that no matter what you do, whether or not what you think you're doing is right, it all leads "to pain". That's an extremely consistent thread throughout the entirety of the show, going as far back as 1x01 ("Whenever I try to do anything, I just gunk everything up!" -> "No matter what I do, it’s going to lead to pain [...] it doesn’t matter if I want to help people or not! Everything I do just- it just makes things worse!"). While Wukong never wanted to hurt his loved ones (for the sweet sweet "This isn't what I wanted!" Azure parallel), he did. He's a very flawed Monkey, but he does try and he has changed for the better, and that's what's important, right? That's something even Macaque has understood by the s4 special ("Monkey King really was a bad guy?" "That's what I believed...what Azure would have you believe. Then, he met him: the monk.")

You can't really...pawn-off Macaque's role onto other people. Structurally, we needed a tragic best-friend character who was deeply wounded by Wukong in the past, who has then come to accept/forgive him (for the most part, give-or-take). That way, you can have someone who has seen/experienced Wukong's flaws then defend him, both for MK's sake and in contrast to Azure having a literal world-ending breakdown over (his crush on) Wukong. DBK can't be that character, Azure can't be that character, and the Mayor is a much weaker antagonist for s3, unable to provoke MK + the main gang in quite the same way—as well as being completely removed from the themeing and Wukong's hero/warrior dynamic.

Macaque, as demonstrated in 2x07, views the "hero" as someone who leaves, someone who abandons their friends to the shadows. MK completely up ends that world-view in 3x10, refusing to abandon Mei "when she needs" him ("We're heroes! It's what we do!"). It's literally one of my favorite scenes in the whole show, and it completely hinges on Macaque being there and then leaving (much like Macaque's arc hinges on Mei being the fourth ring).

I'm just like...I personally can't imagine a version of lmk where Macaque isn't there to be a foil to both MK and Wukong. I rewatched Shadow Play just yesterday, and that episode is so delightful, let me tell you:

"Welcome, viewers, to a shadow play the likes of which have never been seen! It follows the tragic tale of a legendary Warrior, and how those who bring light into this world inevitably bring darkness to those they hold dear..."

Ah you mean like...hurting the people you care about the most, perchance.

2x07 parallels 4x02, especially between the shadow-lamp itself and the scroll—while Wukong's MIA, Macaque regales his memories of Wukong, imprisoning MK's friends and forcing MK to fight "dark" versions of them? Sound familiar?

(familiar tales...new adventures...)

Which, that's a bit of a tangent, but I do think it demonstrates the ways in which Macaque is important to the foundation of this story. MK and Wukong, Wukong and Macaque, MK and Mei...those are the core dynamics of the show for me, you know. If Macaque wasn't there, I quite honestly don't know where we'd be

[i-want-my-iwtv]

♥♥♥ Carbonated Blood ♥♥♥

(ノ°∀°)ノ’.:*・°☆

Inspired by recent interest in this blog, and for ppl newly landing on it, I made this pinned post as a welcome, a warning, and some tags I would recommend that are specific to my blog for my favorite stuff. Here's why it's called i-want-my-IWTV.

🤘 A welcome: I'm Burnadette (21+) and this blog is an unofficial Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles appreciation blog started in July 2013, but it's not an authoritative resource, I'm just collecting fanworks and other dash goodies based on my own rubric, sprinkling catnip out to the fandom, and answering asks for ppl who are curious about my opinions on things. I encourage positivity and optimism! ✨

My AO3: Burnadette_dpdl

Co-mod @wicked-felina and I typically run the @vcsecretgifts exchange, you can check out the archive there. We had to take a 2 yr hiatus for real life reasons, we hope to revive it in 2024 💕 In the meantime, go check out @vamptember (@hekateinhell and @monstersinthecosmos), for a wealth of VC fanworks!

⚠️ A warning: You may encounter things you dislike on this blog, such as ship art of ships you dislike, discussions about dark fiction, problematic characters, and other such topics. My free time for fandom is limited and I do this for free for my own entertainment, so I don't engage in bad faith discussion, and I'm generally picky about engaging* in all discussion posts or personal posts.

You may have noticed that I don't post/reblog much about it if I can help it: While I do not like the current IWTV AMC 2022 adaptation, I can talk about it, and I do appreciate that it's brought fresh blood 🩸 into the fandom, a lot of talented fanart and writing! And yes, ppl can enjoy IWTV '22 and other adaptations and canon and absolutely whatever 🤝, these things are not mutually exclusive 😎 (I tag it #iwtv 2022 and #iwtv amc if ppl need to block those tags.) With that said, I think there are some fabulous ppl who can embrace it all, like @xxhellonursexx! There are role models like Nurse, able to venn diagram the VC content with a sense of humor and respect.

So I welcome new fans, and encourage them to ask questions and engage with ppl like me, there is limitless room for everyone.

ANYWAY.

Behold, my STUFF: Some of my favorite tags in no particular order, this may evolve over time:

(Cut for length)

Lin, get in here and settle this - (Not a tag but this is my 20 second magnum opus 😎✨)

vampire physiology - Both about Ricean and other vampire media, studying them like lab animals and talking about it!

Fandom laws - Fandom's been around a long time, and I think a big part of having a great experience in it is mutual respect, which ppl have codified in fandom laws. When/if you break them, you may turn other ppl off and that can spread quickly; you build your reputation by your actions.

digging up an oldie from the archive - when I need to throw an older post on the dash to share again, maybe there's a reason, or a great addition.

hello dinner - Various amusement about vampires and their dinner.

messy eater - Related to the above, it's less common (canonically) for a Ricean vampire to spill a drop of blood, so it used to be more dramatic when we'd see art/fic of spillage! There are vampires from outside VC in that tag, too, I couldn't resist reblogging them.

vampiredevelopment/interviews and rec - this is some of my favorite textmeme content 😂

memeything - y'know, memes, some are embedded in more serious posts, but I think when I first heard the word "meme" I didn't think mine really counted? So I made it "memeything" so as not to land in a "meme" tag if they didn't count, but eventually I decided that "meme" can be pretty widely defined, so mine kinda do, but by that point I was far into the habit of using my own word, so there it is.

how to make a post a vc post - when you just gotta insert your fandom into an unrelated post bc it FITS.

VC fandom hunters - when you're looking for other VC fandom ppl to role play with, etc.!

Lestatiquette - Lestat ettiquette.

Lestatuesque - Someone/something is acting like Lestat.

Lestats closet - Something you might find in Lestat's closet, a resource for fanartists/writers looking for inspo 🙏

Its a coffin - fanart and works involving coffins!

We appreciate and love Louis in this house - There was a wave of sentiment criticizing Louis for various reasons and these are thoughtful responses to that criticism. Tag started by the magnificent @covenofthearticulate/@theballadofmrslovett (go check out her ideas, and her AO3 covenofthearticulate, she is so so good 💞)

Defending Antonio - There's periodic discussion about Antonio Banderas as Armand in the '94 IWTV movie, I love him, and I'm totally rational about it

Louis has canon hair I know that will make at least 2 ppl I know very happy - and idk if I would even reveal privately who they are but definitely not publicly! I don't want to put them on blast! 😅 I appreciate Louis with different hairstyles and I've debated about it enough that like... I can appreciate Options but some ppl would prefer to see his hair as it's described in canon 😙

VC wedding hysteria - What it says on the tin.

iwantmyiwtv has opinions - a way to signal that these are my opinions only and not presented as fact.

Iwantmyiwtv rp - I sometimes take asks for Lestat or Louis to help inspire my fanfic. Specify who you're asking and they might respond 😎, Lestat response starts with ♛, and Louis with ♠.

vc news/vc casting - For sharing news and post casting ideas, as there are multiple adaptations and there's always fantasy casting! It never ends.

not vc/vc adjacent - I see some ppl have adopted these two! I made these out of a kind of purist approach, I wanted to reblog smtg and share it but it wasn't exactly VC, soooo, it's my acknowledgment accordingly.

VC - I may have used this in the past but I don't anymore, bc there are tons of things that could have that abbreviation, I assume, so I don't find it too be descriptive enough for use as a Vampire Chronicles tag 🤷🏼‍♀️

*You may see older posts that were written in a bubblier/sassier manner than I'd be comfortable with now, but I find those to be charming now, it's a 10+ yr old blog, after all! Our internet experience has evolved. What's cringe or even rude now was normal then and I know that my intention was always positivity and anti-censorship, so that includes not censoring myself. ✨ I ask that you have patience with those responses that may not have aged well as you have patience with an artist or writer's earlier works, or your own growth over the years! 🌱

[cloverstarsys]

So I'm gonna just... idk talk

(Putting all this under a cut both bc it's long and bc syscourse)

So some new anti-endos have made their way into the plural tags. We've been mostly ignoring the syscourse stuff recently because it... admittedly isn't great for us, but I forgot just how cyclical and repetitive it is omg.

"DID is a trauma disorder!" We're not discussing having DID. We're discussing being plural. Just because you(/nay (probably)) don't acknowledge non-DID/OSDD/etc plurality doesn't mean it's not still there. This has been said hundreds of times, or at least that's what it feels like

"Hearing voices is common!" Hey, at least this is a new one. Not sure where it's coming from, though. I mean, yes, some level of it is common, but it really depends on the level. And this talk of DID being uncommon is all dependent on the statistics of how many people actually are diagnosed with DID, and that's not a very solid number. There's not one concrete number of, this percentage of people have DID. Psychologists don't know. All the numbers out there are estimates, and also, dependent on diagnoses. Not everyone gets diagnosed. And all this is assuming DID is the only form of plurality, which it's not!

"Sourcecalls are anti-recovery!" ...???? Seriously, what? At the heart of a sourcecall is a fictive (or factive) looking for those who they know from their source, looking for someone who might share similar experiences to them. I don't see how that's an issue. To be fair, the person who posted this seems to believe alters aren't separate from the "person", like, at all. And I'm getting to this.

"Sub/sidesystems are impossible!" OK look, I have no clue how subsystems work, but I'm going to err on the side of "people say it's something they experience, so I will believe them for now" because I believe in NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PROVEN WITH FLAT FACTS IN ORDER FOR IT TO EXIST (sorry, I'm getting heated) everything, before it's proven, still exists. Gravity existed before the first theories about it. Etc etc. And who knows, there might be scientific proof of it out there that i just havent found. And when it comes to sidesystems, as far as I know, it's mostly just a separate group of headmates. How is that impossible?

"Alters aren't separate from you!" This post comes from the view of, alters are parts of a whole personality that could have been there had trauma not occurred that caused the disorder. And while yes, that is technically what alters are in a DID system, I don't think it's a bad thing to think of them as separate. Even if scientifically they're not (which I haven't seen any proof of, by the way, but, honestly, there's so little research on plurality it might be hard to come by or just not exist yet. So look above for my opinion on believing people about their lived experiences without scientific proof yet) I don't see how it could hurt to think of your alters as separate people. One of this person's other posts also claims the reason they're not separate "scientifically" is because new alters cam inherit memories. I'm sure that's true, but I don't see how that means they can't be separate people (to the extent allowed by a single human brain, I mean). And they do say at the top of another post that you can *see* your alters as separate people and that doesn't change the "facts" (those "facts" being "alters aren't headmates" (are those not just two different terms to define the same thing?), "alters aren't separate" (well, yes, to an extent, but alters can be significantly more separate than this person is claiming), and just pretty much claiming parts. And while using parts language is entirely valid, do whatever you want, forcing it on others is not. If someone doesn't want to refer to their alters as parts of themself, then they don't have to) but that doesn't change the actual facts of we have no fucking clue what's going on in the brain half the time and significantly more research is needed on non-disordered plurality. Anyways.

I need to get ready for school now, because this post has taken me almost an hour to write lol.

There's no sources for anything I've said, not because they don't exist, but because this was mostly me shouting into the void to help dispel the feelings seeing these posts gave me. There are so many blogs that provide genuine sources and all that, plus individual research is always an option. But even if there isn't research proving something (or disproving it), I'm going to lean on the side of believing peoples lived experiences.

It's always so funny, seeing so many blogs that claim to "correct misinformation" that literally just spread misinfo themselves. I think I've seen... one blog that actually corrects misinfo and isn't biased (either towards or against endogenic systems, just looking at the facts (which, believe it or not, tend to prove non-disordered/non-traumagenic (yes I'm aware those aren't the same thing) systems are real)).

Although I think the reason so many anti-endo sources can be so easily disproven is because they're all talking about DID. we are not talking about DID. you cannot conflate all plurality with just DID.

Ok, I really have to get going now.

(Unless you're really respectful about it. I'm allowing a discussion here right now, don't ruin it by being a dick.)

(Banners by @/lunaridae)

[dayurno]

sorryyyy for bringing some type of discourse to your inbox but I just giggle whenever anyone brings up the fact that nora soad andrews a misogynist and their only argument is the fact that he's friends with renee and dating neil who said women are the strongest ppl i know, like i don't personally think he's a misogynist, but i feel like there has to be better arguments for it😭

maybe it's bc the fandom gets on my nerves so I'm more sensitive to any attempts a defanging and making characters more palatable bc I'm not a fan of the widespread fanon versions of the characters also it's sad I feel like the fandom made some sort of progress where discussions were being had about the problems in the series and now after tsc came out it feels like we're back to where the author can do no wrong and it's hard to criticise anything

what do you think about tsc being a triology, I feel like two books can hopefully give Jeremy the depth he needs i remember you found him a bit flat as well when you read the book, I see a lot of people saying he needs to have a mean side or a traumatic past but I feel like a kind, nice character can be interesting without those things and not every kind character needs to have this secret mean side anyway, personally I groaned out loud when I found out it was a triology bc that would mean the fandom would be alive for longer and it's so crazy out of any book fandom I've ever been in for some reason the aftg fandom feels the most obnoxious maybe it's bc the books deal with heavier topics close to the heart so there's more feelings involved🤔the only book fandom who has pissed me off a comparable amount would be asoiaf but that's a whole different thing

I really do try and be happy I'm not even in the fandom anymore and I've never followed aftg twitter accounts and I don't even check the tags I just go on certain blogs but i still see things it's horrible💔like I can't believeeee we're still discussing if Kevins a coward or not and how selfish he is for leaving the nest like we've already argued about this to death on tumblr back in like 2016 now it's the same thing again💔

LOL i understand honestly so many of these discussions are repackaged wide-spread 2015 opinions which don’t reflect the original text that it’s hard to do anything except use the we have this thread every week comrade image and let it go. andrew being misogynistic is not even hard to come to terms with considering it’s not an interpretation or a headcanon it’s the author’s own words and will for the character incorporated into canon. there are things to disagree with nora sakavic for, but ultimately there is a difference between disagreeing with the author and willfully ignoring the intention with which a character was written

& i didn’t really care much for the news, i think the lack of planning and the rushed way the books are coming along are grating on both the author and the fandom, but i don’t blame her for wanting to get this done and over with. it will show more insight on jeremy hopefully, but unfortunately i already don’t care 😭 i think the route tsc took was in general uninteresting and pedestrian enough to not warrant a second thought, and i’m not particularly interested in any plotline beyond what pertains to kevin and the ravens. what surprised me really is the total lack of impact tsc had on the fandom, which is to say, i think it was so in line with the same 3-5 headcanons passed around the last 10 years that it has genuinely done nothing for anyone aside from the people who were already very invested in jean and/or jeremy. it feels like a different fandom from aftg altogether, which i’m happy about if only because it keeps us all locked in different cages, but it still baffles me to see people dedicate so much thought to a book whose characters bar jean are, as of now, the very definition of Nothing burger. all in all the answer to that question and most questions pertaining to tsc is Who cares. because literally who cares

LMFAO staying away from aftg twt is really good for you & honestly all of us. it’s still so funny to me that not even nora sakavic herself wanted to touch that mess. mentally ill white suburbanite teenage shut-in echo chamber ass fandom

[mangostarjam]

if you don’t mind answering, i’d be curious to hear your answers for 10, 15, 25, 36, 65, and 76 (for summertime madness) from the ask game! otherwise feel free to pick the ones you most want to answer from those 👉👈

oh thank you nonnie i don't mind at all!! thanks for being curious and coming to ask hehe

get to know your fic writer!

10. Citr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

wow i had to check a few wips for this one but here's the closest i got:

You blink at him. "You read my papers?"

sorry it's not that interesting LOL i guess i don't mention blinking much? this is from defense force special tactics!

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

asdjfgjdksl well. i mostly just try to make sure everyone's limbs are doing things humans can do and gravity works properly. i think i write unrealistic smut tbh bc everyone cums and refractory periods are nonexistent — because reality can be disappointing enough lol no need for that in my fiction too! someday i'd like to explore other aspects of sex though. maybe once i get more confident about writing it. i really appreciate the authors that write "realistic" sex — i'm just not there yet myself

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

i'll be honest, i have no idea what responses my fics are getting in the first place. it all feels really intangible bc sure there are "likes" but i can't tell what's resonating with people bc there aren't many comments. it's hard to compare fics in that sense. when i do get comments/tags, it's more like i cherish those people and i'm incredibly happy the fic touched them somehow, but i can't compare which fics have touched more people, y'know? because i can't compare resonances

sorry i feel like that makes zero sense lmao but tldr i can't think of a fic that i wish more people read because mostly i'm just grateful people are reading my writing in the first place at all

36. How do you write kissing scenes?

it's more about the underlying feelings than about describing the act itself

65. Tell us about what you're most looking forward to writing - in your current project, or a future project

sharpen your heart feels like it's going to be more serious / heavy — and it's been a long while since i've tried to write something like that — so i'm excited to see how it goes!

76. Did you have any ideas that didn't make the final cut of "summertime madness"?

oh boy DO I — i can actually share the director's cut i typed out to cheesypuffkins a while back (under a cut bc it's kinda long)

- narumi spots you dithering over where to sit in a crowded olympic village cafeteria and ALMOST makes it over to you when you are suddenly dwarfed by atsumu and hinata who noticed your jacket (japan flag on it) and that you looked lost

- hinata is just being friendly. atsumu wants to know what sport you do and when you get back to the table he gives 500 yen to suna

- you sit between bokuto and atsumu and you get one bite into your food before narumi is abruptly There

- narumi tries to get you to go sit somewhere else with him and atsumu drawls that you just got comfy here, why doesn't he just join y'all

- narumi: "i need to... discuss super secret swimming stuff with her"

you: "wtf"

bokuto: "OOOOH like what!! 🤩"

narumi: "..... is your hair natural"

- ushijima off hand mentions something about stress and white hair

- you drag narumi away as he starts to comment on atsumu's dye job

- upon trying to leave the cafeteria you walk by the football team who overhear you ignoring narumi's pleas about self defense and white/silver hair

- reo pokes fun at nagi about the white hair and "stress" thing

- isagi tries to make nagi "feel better" about the white hair thing and narumi overhears and uses this as more justification to you

- the football team finds out you're both swimmers and nagi keeps looking at you while you try to get narumi to let the hair thing go

- narumi: "is that guy asleep?"

reo: "hm? nagi? oh, no, but sometimes he spaces out!"

- you get roped into a side convo with isagi and bachira about their matches and nagi keeps looking at you and narumi and back to you until finally narumi is like "hey let's go we're gonna be late for our team meeting"

you: "what team meeting"

narumi: "the meeting you have with your captain"

bachira: "who's your captain?"

you: "i'm sure my captain wouldn't mind if i'm a little late"

narumi: "no he would mind very much let's go"

in a cut scene i had reader and narumi doing a late night practice (where i waxed poetic about swimming and that feeling of the world rushing away as the water envelopes you and how it feels to be underwater looking up at the stars (but in this case they're the ceiling lights and if the water is moving enough you can kinda squint and pretend they're stars) and the way that leaving the pool brings you abruptly back into your body as the weight of gravity settles on you again and there was a metaphor/tie in to the heaviness of being at the olympics representing your country and what if you're not good enough? what if you don't medal? and narumi points out that you were good enough to get here and he doesn't care if you medal as long as you show results in your own personal records) (and besides, you're the best at being you, so don't worry about the outside noise)

the scene with oikawa that i cut was still a scene where you run into him in the wild and you're surprised by this argentina rep speaking perfect japanese lol

"why does this guy talk like a teenage girl" and he's asking to take a selfie with you bc he's happy he found another japanese athlete (and a cute one at that!) to show off to his friends back home that even if he left the country he still has game

narumi finds you just as you bemusedly agree and oikawa pouts about losing his selfie chance but narumi grabbed your wrist and yanked you away

narumi: "photos are forbidden for the swim team"

you: ".... what are you talking about"

oikawa: "oh! i didn't realize! so photos with other athletes are forbidden but solo shots in locker rooms are okay?"

you: "....... captain?"

narumi: "i don't know what you're talking about"

oikawa: "let me see! i think i can pull it up right here! i didn't see your face in the pics but i recognized the t-shirt~"

narumi: "hey you shouldn't be stalking people's profiles like that!"

oikawa: "stalking? ahaha, well, it's hard to avoid when half my timeline is taken up with these solo shots"

narumi: "oh yeah?! well, what about you, pretty boy, i bet you take thirst traps all the time!"

you: ".................."

oikawa: "my, my, how flattering!"

narumi: "i didn't — you aren't — we're leaving"

oikawa: "so soon? but i was just going to show our dear cutie-chan some of your best shots!"

narumi: "i can show her myself!"

[narumi and reader exit stage left]

[wardensantoineandevka]

okay so like. i saw your d20 discussion and i feel like it’d help to have some context on how it works in production! when a company professionally puts a trigger warning, they can’t make those with ‘middle ground’ as the base. think of it like speed limits. they have to start at 0-10 mph. just because 40 mph is slow compared to someone who regularly takes highways, doesn’t mean they don’t put up the speed limit. 40 mph is still enough that if the car hits something or someone, (i.e. sets off a trigger) it can do serious damage. so yeah, an semi-realistic opened up animal carcass to the average person has to be marked as HEAVY body horror. even made of foam? thats still a graphic image of a corpse. they’re not thinking about someone who is more casually used to seeing that level of gore, they have to think of the levels for the person it would actually trigger.

I am a production professional, and someone who has talked an extensive amount about warnings and content warnings, both the benefits and the failings in many people's approaches to standardizing them. I already know this.

As I said, I am complaining as a Me Issue and I am not actually criticizing or saying there is anything wrong with the processes, I am saying—as I stated twice in the post—that this is a Me Thing.

On top of that, most of my post and discussion isn't specifically about the official content warnings in the description, but rather the marketing and commentary and coy warnings (in the standard sense of the word) on Twitter building hype by constantly posting comments and videos of reactions of the cast (Erika running out of the room, discussions of how Much it is, adding in the ick reactions in the episode preview). These are not the "content warnings" — which are not the focus of my post or discussion — but are part of the marketing and tone-setting. This is about me complaining about myself as someone who ended up with certain expectations from all that due to that level of focus and was disappointed. Which is a me issue, and I'm just whining about it.

It's not about whether they're overtagging in the official warnings (bc I don't think they were incorrect at all to warn for the gore), it's more about the focus the concept got in other materials that aren't the warnings and the ways that they talked about it and my general musings about what expectations that ultimately sets in terms of genre and content that it isn't actually necessarily matching up on—for me—and how this has been disappointing it's happened in the past too.

But, while on the topic, I do think trailer and the general setting of the tone going INTO the series failed to prepare the audience in terms of expected content, which is also important and should work in tandem with content warnings to help set expectations. I've seen a lot of people say that they expected more Redwall—and that does not prepare anyone for semi-realistic animal guts on the table in episode two, not even WITH the proper content warnings.

I mean, I have a whole thing about precision in content warnings and levels and the ways that the way some content warnings either official and fannish fail even when they are beneficials in other avenues, but that's technically a tangent since my post wasn't actually about content warnings but about general marketing and ambient production commentary.

I also know you're trying to be helpful, but I find it EXTREMELY condescending that you felt the need to explain how warnings work by analogizing it into speed limits instead of just saying that they're tagging for the most sensitive hypothetical person.

[catgirl-catboy]

sorry if this comes off as rude or in bad faith but i'm interested in hearing your reasons on why you dislike saiouma? again, not trying to be rude, i'm just interested since it's one of the big popular ships and i think you have interesting danganronpa takes

@crowssoul2 sent another ask with the same idea, so allow me to respond to them both here instead of trying to cut an essay in half.

Nah! You didn't seem rude at all! I am more than happy to overanalyze Danganronpa, since I love Danganronpa to death. I am just as happy to be asked what I thought they failed @ then to be asked what I liked. Hell, I'll even enjoy civil discussion about why you disagree with my takes. (except maybe my take on the great Chihiro discourse, since bystanders always get pissy at that one)

Also, to preface this, this is a ship and let ship blog. I'm glad all you Saiouma shippers are having fun. Also, I love all the ship art you make. If you enjoy what we got, this isn't a personal attack. Honestly, I wish I were one of you since there's so much more content that way.

I feel like I dislike Saiouma because their canon dynamic went against the themes of the work. Kokichi, as a character, represents lies, which is one of the major themes of Drv3. (The same way Makoto represents hope and Junko represents despair) This seems really obvious to say, but is important to my point. A characters relationship with Kokichi should mirror their relationship with lies.

A good example of this done right is Kaito. Listen, his writing irks me, but his relationship with Kokichi is one of my favorite things about him. (Still can't get behind Oumota bc of Kaito's personality, but that doesn't mean I dislike the foils OR the shippers)

Kaito pretends to hate lies, as heroes should. But his heroic personality is in fact, a lie he tells. Not out of malice, but because that's who he wants to be. (Think Kaito:Hero as Gundam:Dark God) He lies to protect people, and hide his illness. As a result, he's willing to work with Kokichi to... protect Maki, conceal his identity, (which includes hiding his illness) and from a certian POV, be a hero! It makes perfect sense.

Another good example of this is Maki. She hates Kokichi, because she hates lies. Her hatred of Kokichi is actually tied to him revealing one of her lies, a lie that was causing her quite a lot of stress. But... she also directly benefits from Kokichi. He saved her life. Unrelated tangent (sarcasm), what was revealed to be a lie in Ch6? Her feelings for Kaito. Let me rephrase that sentence: She hates LIES but she also directly benefits from them (her feelings for Kaito improving her mental health)

I wish that theme carried over into other characters the same way it did for those two. There are some other parallels I can draw (Ryoma liking Kokichi to an extent, Kirumi playing tag with him) but those two are the most obvious and explicit.

So its sad that characters with a complicated relationship with lies don't also have a complicated relationship with Kokichi, the embodiment of lies.

Himiko lives a lie. Lying is needed for her job. But her lies almost got her killed in chapter 2, and Tenko going along with her lie doesn't help. How does this reflect in her interactions with Kokichi? It doesn;t.

Kaede lied to us, the motherfucking audience. Honestly, thats arguably just as impressive as Kokichi ever pulled. What is her relationship with Kokichi? Kokichi acts sort of like a mentor figure to HER in the tunnels, and stands up against her. I like that, but give that plot beat to someone else. (Kaito makes the most sense, but give it to Tenko since I love her.)

Danganronpa itself is a lie, a work of fiction. And Tsumugi is obsessed with it.

In fact, this applies to the v3 casts dynamic with Kokichi as a whole. Almost everyone dislikes and distrusts Kokichi, despite the big reveal of being liars themselves. I'd write it as "everyone pretends to hate Kokichi (lies), but actually don't mind him that much. However, they think everyone else hates Kokichi so they go along with the group." to foreshadow the big reveal that they themselves are lies told by Tsumugi.

And Shuichi suffers from this the most.

Shuichi's Ch1 arc is summed up by "Shuichi learns to face the truth for the first time with that case, and stops averting his eyes." In other words, on the Truth vs Lies scale, Shuichi begins the series aligned with LIES.

The rest of the game shows Shuichi gradually becoming a paragon of Truth to go against Kokichi's lies- ONLY FOR IT TO BE REVEALED IN CH6 THAT HE HIMSELF IS A LIE.

That he is, a fictional character and a pawn in someone elses game. It then becomes a Schrodinger's cat on the alignment scale I mentioned earlier. Was Shuichi's journey to the Truth end of the scale fake or not?

The game settles upon a hesitant no at the end of it, (I disagree, since the games mechanics tell a different story) when Shuichi ventures out into the world with the other survivors to find the truth upon whats out there.

Thats a HECK of a complicated relationship with lies. It should equal a heck of a complicated relationship with Kokichi, right? WRONG.

The canon Saiouma dynamic is basically

"Kokichi likes and teases Saihara, while Shuichi is annoyed by Kokichi until his death, when he gradually begins to come around. Despite this, Kokichi (and the lie mechanic) is surprisingly helpful in trials"

(actually the localization changed this quite a bit, but I'm going off the English version since this is what I actually played. That being said, its a fascinating topic that you should look into if you're as obsessed as I am.)

While the fanon is more akin to:

"Shuichi gradually gets drawn in by Kokichi and learns to accept his quirks."

(maybe shippers will disagree with me about those dynamics, since again, not my cup of tea.)

Meanwhile a Saiouma dynamic I can get behind is:

"Shuichi is drawn in by Kokichi (lies), and feels a sort of magnetism to him. But he knows it isn't a good idea, and he knows it isn't right. Kokichi's feelings are unclear at first due to his nature, but it turns out he has a love-hate relationship with Shuichi (truth). He'll rely on him sometimes, but rebuff him at others with seemingly no logic from his end."

In other words, I'd do a semi-reversal of the canon dynamic.

NOTE: I am not saying I'm a writing genius or anything. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure if Kodaka could magically remake his games he'd stomp my rewrite to the ground.

You asked why I dislike it, and that's my explanation. But please allow me to go a step further and speculate why things are this way.

At about the same time you sent me your ask, my good friend Crow sent me this:

"I don't like Saiouma because well Komahina is exactly what the black romance should be while Saiouma is just feels like another Shuichi ship. Do you get my point?

Shuichi and Hajime is entirely different characters while Komaeda and Kokichi different af too like, they can't hit the Komahina dynamic like they intended to do, this is why Saiouma is just another Shuichi ship while Komahina is THE SHIP.

If you want to do a homoerotic Shuichi ship who would be the next Komahina you shouldn't do that with Kokichi at all, maybe Rantaro? But Rantaro isnt work well too like there is no Komaeda for him to work the Komahina. Saiouma felt poorly executed idea of a black romance, if I need to be honest Oumaede would be more fitting for the Komahina dynamic despite Kaede is just pov character.

So yeah there is no Komahina in drv3 because they tried to play the same tropes with very different characters and very different stories, I even felt more interested in Saihoshi despite Ryoma only been around 2 chapters than Kokichi. That is the problem in here"

I felt like I can't answer one of these asks without referencing what I said in the other ask, so I just both answered them both together. (no hard feelings?)

In case you haven't read Homestuck (wise call, honestly) Black romance is basically non-sexual hatefucking. Usually, there's an undertone of mutual respect, but not always. Felt like that context was important.

Komeada and Kokichi ARE different characters. From a narrative standpoint, Komeada completely turns existing themes like Hope and Talent into complex issues in the Drverse, while in THH they were pretty black and white. Meanwhile, Kokichi's introduction is the introduction to the theme of truth vs lies.

In other words (Makoto is to Nagito (and later to Hajime and Izuru) as Kokichi is to Shuichi) The second takes the theme from the first, and massively expands on it! ...Despite Shuichi and Kokichi being in the same game.

Despite this, the reason people think they are similar is because Kokichi piggybacks too hard on Nagito and Komahina's success.

What does Nagito have in common with Togami, other than being an antagonistic force. Not much, actually! Togami fucked up a corpse while Nagito fucked up his own body, and that distinction is all that needs to be said I think.

Togami would look down upon Nagito if they ever met, and Nagito'd be into that.

What does Kokichi have in common with Nagito?

They want to make an unsolvable murder in which poison was involved and they got someone to kill them.

They both have a one sided crush on their protagonist, that the protagonist doesn't think exists. (Kokichi confessed, but perks of being a chronic liar)

They both are the MVP in almost every trial they are in, with one notable exception for each of them. Thats... kind of a lot, actually! I do think they are noticeably different characters, especially on a thematic level, but I can see why people notice that. I can also see why people would find that bad! Nagito was the star of Dr2, hands down. If you were one of the few people that isn't a total Nagito simp, then a very simmilar character getting screentime might be annoying since you have Nagito fatigue from the last game. and if you are a Nagito simp, then Kokichi will likely never be his own dude with so much in common. You'll see him as a lesser Nagito and want him back. I agree with Crow when he says "Saiouma just feels like another ship. I found it hard to articulate why I feel that paradoxically feels like a rip-off of another ship I liked, but also had no bite to it. And then it hit me. Until Chapter four, Kokichi never did anything that warranted Nagito levels of hatred. (of course, this is entirely subjective. I hate Kaito pretty much for being annoying and fitting into tropes I dislike without commenting on it. If you think this is enough to hate Kokichi, power to you!) By the end of chapter one of Dr2, Nagito:

Attempted to 1st degree murder a fan-favorite character, with a deliberately confusing and unsympathetic (at this point in time) motive to do so.

Goaded another character (that most fans hated, but still) into committing that murder FOR him. The only time we ever saw that level of insanity was Celeste, and Teruteru is no Hifumi in terms of gullibility. (Celeste had plot armor anyway.)

Sat back and monologues while everyone's ass was on the line. If Hajime and the others voted wrong, everyone would have died.

Showed NO remorse over any of it. Seemed to enjoy it.

This one is more meta but: he shows despair eyes, which previously were only seen on the big bad of the first game. Characters have every reason to hate the guy. Soda and Nekomaru were absolutely correct in taking him out, and I'd argue that you should maybe go father by putting him in a public area and gagging his mouth unless it's mealtime. Meanwhile, by chapter three, Kokichi has:

Stood up to Kaede in the tunnels, which most students agree was the right call.

Showed emotions over Rantaro's death, but due to his lying they can't be sure if they were genuine.

Was civil (if a bit wierd) to Kaede right before her execution.

Bullied Kiibo. Yes, bullying is- bad but look me in the eye and tell me its worse than murder. You can't.

Shared the motive videos in the insect meet and greet. This is the major strike against him, but its reasonable to assume he did this with good intentions.

While doing that, tortured them with bugs when it wasn't really needed for the plan to work.

(okay, this one didn't actually happen and I will die on this hill, but the main group thinks it did so I'm counting it) Tricked Gonta into helping with his plans.

Saved our asses in the second trial.

Saved our asses in the post-trial portion of chapter 2

Not joined a cult that was forming in our school. Also did not stop Gonta from joining the cult, which doesn't point to a pattern of controlling behavior from Shuichi's POV.

Was key in getting to Angie's body. Pun intended.

Helped out during the seance.

While arguably not the MVP in trial 3, he still contributed a great deal. Do those lists of crimes seem equal to you? It takes Kokichi 3 chapters to do something that is, at most, Hiyoko level. Maybe Byakuya level, but thats pushing it. Yet, the characters treat Nagito and Kokichi with about equal annoyance and disdain. The v3 cast, of course, doesn't know that Nagito exists. But we, the players, know. Its like we got prologue Nagito for almost four chapters, but prologue Nagito was also kind of a bitch? But also possibly well-meaning and OP as fuck. This concludes my analysis! Do you agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear thoughts.

[amoristt]

mini song fic with Ghost to the song Daylight by David Kushner plsss !! can be NSFW or SFW whatever you prefer!

a/n: ok so . i broke my own rule bc this prompt is so GOOOD and i love that song . so u get free smut LOL link to the song!

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

want to support me? heres my kofi!

Rain rhythmically taps at the pitched tent, the trees overhead taking the brunt of the storm rolling in. The un-cushioned tent flooring offers little support from where you sit, Ghost kneeling beside you, making fast work in patching up the bullet hole you'd been gifted earlier that afternoon. He hadn't said much since you'd both escaped from the Russian base, using the surrounding woods as cover. Somewhere out there, Gaz and Price were certainly doing the same.

Before you'd lost your radio and Ghost's broke into pieces during a fall, he'd discussed with Soap where to meet, but unfortunately the man was about 12 hours away to bring the replacement chopper. With it already having been so late in the day, the dusk sky a vibrant orange, the safe option was to set up camp in the foliage for the night and not risk another injury.

You fought to not wince as Ghost retrieved the last fragment of the bullet. It had left it's impressive mark on your left shoulder, merely inches away from your heart. Ghost was quiet as ever, his movements fluid as he began to stitch the gaping wound shut. You'd known him long enough to sense the underlying tension he was battling.

As he settles the last stitch into place, his fingers linger just a little too long on your arms. You refuse to meet his gaze.

The mission had been a success. You'd both left in one piece despite your injuries, you'd secured the intel you'd needed, and as far as you were aware the rest of your team had made it as well. But, at a cost.

Between your nearly fatal wound and the many holes littering Ghost's tactical gear, Ghost felt more tense than usual. Like something was lingering under the surface- a certain sense of anxiety he wasn't exactly unfamiliar with but hadn't felt in years. You could practically see it radiating off him, his expression solemn once he finally looked at you with those cold eyes.

"That'll do." He said, even toned and exhausted. You just nodded. You'd never seen him so beat down.

Without thinking, you reached out, touched your fingers to his balaclava. The fabric shifted under your touch. He didn't pull away like he usually did- and when he leaned into the touch, you knew he was really going through it.

Reminded of your mortality, Ghost had been thoroughly frightened.

Night came quickly and silently.

Ghost's body was heavy over yours, one large arm wrapped around your waist to hoist you up so he could buck into you with fervor. His other arm propped himself up on it's elbow, face buried into your neck, his breath warming his mask against your throat. Every time his hips met yours, you jumped in your skin, the feeling of his length reaching almost impossibly deep inside of you. Your walls squeezed him like a vice, your legs wrapped around his waist invitingly.

Your nails rake down his back from underneath his thick hoodie, tracing all those scars that wormed down his spine. He fills you so completely you almost can't take it. Head tossed back, fingers grasping at whatever they could for purchase. His movements had started so calculated- but as the night grew on they became sloppy, desperate, like he couldn't hold himself back.

He was never the best at telling you his emotions but damn could you always feel them. You could feel the way his fingers gripped at your skin, feel the way he'd linger for a split second every time he sank into you as deep as missionary would allow it. You could feel the way he'd shiver when you pawed at the muscles of his back, and how he hesitated when you'd pull the fabric of his mask up at the neck to mouth at his throat and leave angry, red marks. He always lets you without a fight.

The crickets chirped melodically outside, drowned out by both of your ragged breaths and the unmistakable sound of skin on skin. You clutched at him as you felt your climax begin to approach rapidly, eyes screwing shut, feeling the intensity of his size stretching you to accommodate him. You knew he could feel it too, with the way you clenched around him and the pitch of your moans raising every time he bottomed out.

In an instant you felt nothing but emptiness. He'd pulled out, backing away despite your protests. Large hands grappled at your waist and he lifted you with ease, pulling you to his chest as he tipped back and sat with you on his lap, legs pried open by his thighs as you straddled him. Squirming, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and whined- but that emptiness you so hated was short lived thankfully. He sank you onto his length, your back arching as the tip of his cock dragged along your gummy walls.

A strangled cry left your throat followed by his name, over and over again. He bucked up into you like an animal and held your hips fast to prevent you from moving away from the onslaught of pleasure. Knowing the vulnerable position you were both in if you got caught, you covered your mouth, choking out moans through the gaps of your fingers.

"Mmf- Please, I'm gonna-" Words failed you, mind numbed, fucked out and fighting to keep up with his pace. It wasn't uncommon for him to take you like this, but something felt different about him. He felt needier, more intense. Not out of lust, but something more... Emotional.

He wrapped his arms around you and crushed you against his chest, drinking in the sounds that left your lips, caught like a web by the palm of your hand. You were so close- barely hanging on.

"Come on, love," He grunted, resting his forehead on yours. Your pleading eyes met his, and the rough edges of his expression softened. "Come on."

Your body locked up around him, your sex tightening like a vice. You made a tight fist in the fabric of his hoodie, other hand clamped over your mouth, body struggling as he rode you through your intense orgasm. His thighs stopped you from closing your legs as he chased his own release.

Ghost's low voice rang in your ears. "There you go."

You nearly whimpered as you felt his movements grow harsh and sloppy, hands flattening over your spine and keeping you still against him. A slew of broken up words and pleas waterfalled from your mouth as you rested your head limpy on his chest, and then you finally felt his hips stutter against yours. Hot, thick seed filled you to the very brim, and haphazardly he continued to sloppily buck against you, not wanting to leave your tight heat.

But, all good things must come to an end.

Ghost pulled out of you, slow and stready. You squirmed at the emptiness. He leaned on his back and kicked his legs straight out, arms still caged around you and dragging you right along with him. You felt spent, limp against him, listening to the thrashing of his heart in his chest.

Both of your combined heavy breaths complimented the sound of crickets and the wind rustling through the trees overhead. You could barely keep your eyes open, but you did anyways, gazing up at him as his hands soothed over your skin. A small lamp beside his head offered little light, but it was enough to see the distant look in his eyes. He stared at the ceiling of the tent and blinked slowly. When he felt you looking, he looked down at you.

The air thickened. He looked tired, just as earlier, but in a different way now. This wasn't the type of tired where he could sleep it off and come back good as new. He looked worn.

"You alright?" He asked. His voice was quieter now, softer. Far away, almost.

Almost a million words knocked the doors of your lips, but you shunned them away. Ghost watched your expression intently. With a nod, you pressed your lips into a tight line. He could sense every ounce of your hesitation, just as you could feel his.

You curled up beside him, body pressed against his side. If actions could speak words, yours would be shouting from the farthest rooftops. Thankfully, Ghost was quick to welcome you in, wrapping an arm around you before his eyes found themselves studying the ceiling of the tent once again. Carefully, you placed a hand on his clothed chest, feeling the way his breath hitched despite the things you’d been doing mere moments ago. He was weird like that, you’d learned. He could fuck you like an animal and be completely fine, yet sometimes something as small as running your hands through his hair had him freezing up.

You wished you had met him before the military. Before his bodies first reaction to touch was to flinch away and defend itself. Before you damn near had to teach him that it didn't always have to hurt.

But, you also knew that you were no different than him. You knew that when you'd first met Ghost, you were all nerves and anxiety. Looking over your shoulder, waiting for the metaphorical other shoe to drop. You knew the moment you'd looked into Ghost's eyes that you were cut from that same empty, lonely cloth. So distrustful, so unwilling to open up.

Yet, here you lay, properly fucked out with his arms holding you steadfast to him protectively. Even after it all- even with the dull ache of a rifles bullet hole reminding you of the hell you’d signed up for, you felt lucky- you felt like it was right.

He did too, you'd learned.

The rain picked up it's soft pace and thunder distantly echoed. You nestled your head into the crook of his neck and reveled in the way he shifted to invite you in.

Slowly, both of your breathing began to settle.