#im SURE part of it is vulnerability bc obviously and also bc

[karinyosa]

need someone to do a video essay on nudity in breaking bad/bcs because like i know there's something going on with it but i don't know what

[perenlop]

this is an extreme example im aware, like hes just a kitty cat and all, but tbh. jayfeather rubs me the wrong way because of how common it is for doctors to mistreat their patients

avos jayfeather would probably make tiktoks mocking his patients and claim freedom of speech when people call him out on it

[gabessquishytum]

The mob front chef hob ask sent me reeling with that last line about how hob has dream up in his flat now sleeping and soft and how hob wants to keep him there safe. Maybe he decides he will!!

Im thinking maybe not a mob chef but hob could be an AM type assassion like weve been enjoying in the fandom as of late and maybe he doesn't even work for dream, or has even been hired against him! But hob has seen dream around, always looking so beautiful snd untouchable. But one day at a meeteing with hobs current employer hes got a bruise on his cheekbone, and cant move his shoulder without wincing in what hob knows must be agony behind that cool exterior.

He corners dream in the hall, something hes already pissed he can even do when dreams been so recently hurt, and prods him with questions about what happened. Dream knows hob is in love/clinically obsessed with him but theyve each kept distance bc their respective jobs. Dream knows hes possibly the only person alive that hob wouldn't ever hurt so hes casual saying there was a "minor spat but he took care of it" hob doesn't lile that answer and dream can tell. He sighs and says if hob is so worried he can work security for The Dreaming.

Hob agrees, calling dreams obvious bluff. Dream’s office is still destroyed and shot up which only solidifies hobs resolve when dream has to invite hob into his actual flat and he despises that it could be anyone but him right now here while dream is vulnerable with a bullet wound in his own home.

They discuss business, or, dream tries to but hob keeps trying to usher dream off to bed to relax. Dream is still obviously very injured and hes exhausted from pretending he wasnt so hes more pliant than usual, eventually hob undresses him from his suit and changes his bandages, talking about what he would have liked to do who did this. Dream is redressed in the coziest pajamas hob could find and settled into bed. Hob watches over him, he looks sweeter than hob could have ever imagined even with the rose tinted glasses he wears around dream.

Dream wakes up. Its not in his bed. Hes in a bedroom though which is surely better than a interrogation room, he hopes.

Hob is going to make sure dream never gets hurt again if he likes it or not. He obviously can't be trusted with his own safety anymore.

And dream has the sinking feeling that as prolific as hob is known to be in the criminal underworld, in reality this is a man where the mafia is a child's game to him and if theres one person who can ensure that someone as dangerous as dream stays captured without binding or hurting him its hob, whos primary goal is seemingly to protect and care for him. In the back of his mind, dream knows he can never escape, anywhere.

-🔪

Oooh, scary A.M!Hob. Is it bad that I wanna be in his basement too.

I love the way you've outlined this because I definitely feel the level of unhingedness from Hob. He's a grade above the mafia in terms that he isn't doing this for organised crime reasons. He's doing it for pleasure and for his own personal gratification. He's not loyal to anyone except his own desires (and to Dream. But maybe Dream wouldn't necessarily see it that way).

Maybe there's even a part of Dream that wants to give into Hob and just go along with his whims. No one has ever wanted to take care of Dream like this before, and they've definitely never worked so hard to make sure that he's safe and looked after. As terrifying as it is, there's also something in Hob’s plan to keep Dream safe that is definitely tempting. He could just give in and let Hob take responsibility, and he would never have to be in danger or even do anything for himself ever again. Dream acts angry and lashes out at Hob plenty. But he also catches himself relaxing, smiling, allowing himself to be held. Its quite addictive to be worth something to someone.

And Dream knows deep down that there's probably no one looking for him. Because Hob is the only one who has ever truly cared about him enough to do that. So is it really worth trying to escape from the only person who truly loves him, even if that love is unhinged and obsessive? Dream really isn't sure anymore...

[7smiles]

SasuNaru rant bc its pridemonth

dudebros watched Naruto entirely with their eyes closed because how do you look at this series and not think Naruto and Sasuke are cosmically intertwined in both heart and soul.

But besides that im going to yap and break down some lyrics used in the show that literally back up how they feel for each other.

This is from the opening "Diver," in Naruto Shippuden. The lyrics are so obviously from Sasuke's perspective. Not only does the imagery show how Sasuke is continuously sinking and full of sorrow, it shows Naruto reaching out to him- chasing after him like he's done this entire series. He is the light shining on Naruto ITS LITERALLY WRITTEN HERE

Theres also Naruto Shippuden ending 6, "Broken Youth"

The lyrics talk about someone referring to ANOTHER MAN, in which the speaker refers to the subject as a simple person with a strong will to fight. After that, he questions what has changed with the subject as time has passed. I'll cut to the chase, the ending credits literally have a scene where Sasuke and Naruto are staring at each other when the lyrics "Please kiss me, Please Kiss me all night"

Another opening I'd like to mention is "Namikaze Satellite."

Like come on do i really have to spell out how this song talks about how despite their distance, the wind will always connect them??? It also talks about how theyre constantly separating, and personally i think this comes from Naruto's perspective because ITS SO positive despite their turmoil and distance. The part where it talks about being thrown to the side is so reminiscent of how Naruto lacked permanence before Team 7. That impermanence is reflected in Sasuke leaving 😔

"Seishun Kyousoukyoku" is another prime example of original Naruto openings painting a picture of how important Sasuke and Naruto are to one another. Naruto is the only person Sasuke can be emotionally vulnerable with and even as the days, weeks, years pass for them, they will always be able to pick up where they left off. Their bond has always been so wildly important to the other that its like nothing has changed.

We see Sasuke and Naruto change throughout the series, sure, but their relationship has stayed the same. It transcends the bounds of friendship or even brotherhood; Sasuke and Naruto are always in competition with each other, but more than anything they want a relationship unaffected by the binds of their fates. Sasuke's feelings about Naruto, romantic or not, are a driving force in his pursuit for power- its literally Itachi all over again.

Theres that scene during the Valley of Death arc where Sasuke tombstones Naruto, a surely fatal blow. Sasuke is convinced Naruto is dead because he's literally floating face down in the river and SASUKE IS DISTRAUGHT. The absolute look of sorrow on his face simply says it all

"My body just moved on it's own" is one of my favorite SasuNaru lines ever ITS SO PRECIOUS. This was their first major mission together, their friendship yet to be anything remotely friendly, and Sasuke was already protecting him, blaming muscle memory or something to avoid his apparent embarrassment. As much pride as he has, he has always felt positive towards Naruto, even if it manifested as jealousy sometimes.

Theres another scene in the manga where Sasuke recounts feeling "warm and fuzzy" at watching Naruto try to make friends, but he says it made him feel like he had a form of weakness. ARE YOU HEARING THIS!!! They are literally each other's greatest weakness and they have lived and died for each other over and over.

SasuNaru is real. Happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈

[tigerr-cherry]

HELLO WAITER WAITER SOME CREAM RAMBLE AND ART PLEASE

Evil and fucked up i didn't see the post for fit suggestion

May i suggest something along these lines

I have 0 idea what style Cream would b about so yeahg

Cherry Im shaking yiuy

EVIL AND FUCKED UP INDEED !

Jfgjdsg sorry I took so long 2 answers. I wasn't sure how much info I should spill, so I rewrote this like 6 times. each time a different part of the story lol

¡ info dump !

So! First thing about Cream is that they're a demon! Well, technically part demon. Cream comes from a long family history of demon blood. On their mother's side, it's rumored that the family made a deal with the devil for power and riches but for whatever reason they never uphold the deal and was cursed with supernatural ability that will never give them peace. Basically, they're kinda like mediums.

On their father's, rumored to blessed with the blood of angels. Noble and holy people who lead with strength and wisdom. They’re basically like royalty. But plot twist! Both sides of the family r from demons ! A lot happens (trauma) in their childhood and early life, but I won't get to that

Where the story starts is when Cream is being dragged up from 'hell' after just successfully taking over the throne . She was just betrayed by one of their allies, which she had suspected but underestimated how hard they were gonna hit. Being dragged up to the moral realm means death to demons, but since Cream is part human, it won't kill her because she has a physical form.

Anyways, where Cream was pulled up from was in Judith's late grandma's backyard, who watched the whole thing. Obviously scared shitless she starts freaking out.

Cream needs energy to get back to 'hell' so they take control of the situation and convince judith that they're just an injured poor soul that just wants to go home :(

Judith unfortunately believes them bc she understand how it feels. Cream can easily read Judith right off the bat. Judith is deeply insecure, low self-esteem, and just wants to belong, plus ! She's grieving over her presume to be dead grandma. Cream takes advantage of her vulnerability and tells judith whatever she wanna hear to slowly consume her energy (which will eventually kill her). Girl falls in love with them bc who wouldn't?

This is the part of the story where I'm deciding how cruel Cream will be for her own desires . Is this all just an act to get what they want and secretly actually care about Judith in their weird way? Or does cream simple not gaf ?

Uhhh fun facts!

• Cream goes by they/she/it . No longer really sees themselves as a person more of a thing. No labels on sexuality bc Cream will go for anyone they think is fun

• Cream has Anophthalmia, which is when the eye is didn’t develop . They also happen to get a scar over that eye in a bar fight lol

• favorite bands are MARINA and Studio Killers

• dosen't like wearing clothes lmao they kinda feel like they're above that so Judith has to convince them to wear at least a shirt. It's a good day if she can get Cream to wear a dress at least

• hasn't been it the mortal realm since the 16th century, so it has been a difficult adjustment for them

• when the story takes place, Cream unknowingly has a great (x20) granddaughter roaming around. It doesn't have any importance to the story, tho

•Cream isn't its real name

Here's some songs that fit w the characters' theme/ vibe

•how Cream sees itself

•how Cream sees their relationship with Judith

• how Judith sees Cream

•basically a general view of their relationship

Uhh art next ! Sorry

Old art I have of cream back when they were an Arcana oc. Oh, how much they've changed 🤧(this is from I was like 17-18. I had a LOT more, but I've lost a major of it)

[zukkacore]

⭐⭐ pls pls pls share thoughts about who can blame a girl

Thanks so much for this!!! Tbh it's fun to talk abt Who Can Blame a Girl b/c its so short n sweet so it does kinda feel like the one that takes up the least oxygen but i am. proud of it and it is cute but to be fair it also is kinda uncomplicated in my mind so i'll see if i have any thoughts...

(For the record im very "she let me hit b/c i use his pronouns interchangeably" about dyke!Jace. I don't care how she's referred to really. In fact, for most of this i just use he bc idc. In case that's confusing.)

It's a song rec in the notes but actually the inspiration for Who Can Blame Girl is b/c i'd had the song Susie Save Your Love by Allie x n Mitski stuck in head for like forever (That and like A Ton of Chappell Roan) and the song is basically about this girl who is like. In love with her friend who is asking for a ride b/c she needs a break from a shitty boyfriend. Which. Zarajaceporter anyone. I just was really taken with this idea of Zara being very taken by Jace in this kind of... vulnerable, messy, unpalatable state i guess? B/c Jace is so buttoned up and curated at Aguefort. And like. I don't expect everyone to get on the dyke!Jace train but obviously i'm very taken with her and love her she is the soft butch of my life < 3

I guess what i CAN talk about is that. I think it was a fun thought experiment to kinda. Be in Zara's head. I have so much affection for her in canon and i think she just has this very playful, impish, yet ultimately very kind center to her based on how she interacts with Fig that is very heartwarming and as much as i love to torment Jace and put him in Situations, I do think the person who could understand and empathize with his situtation the most truly is zara.

I've talked abt the parallels between Vampirism and Jace in his post shatterstar state. They're both liminal undead existences that are based on this fundamental want that if satisfied would bring harm to others and make the people they love hate them! And like. Zara is very kinda uncomplicatedly Good in FHJY but it was fun to play around with the interiority of a warlock vampire who is in a relationship with a celestial! The whole Thing sort of revolves around this weird unspoken arrangement that concocts out of the blue when Jace calls zara. Zara is all about agreements. Negotiations that you make with the people around you. So when it comes to the gender stuff:

Jace is quiet. “No one would ever want to see that. I—I’m not brave like you, Zara. You’re always you, and—My life is petty, and small, and I—” His voice breaks. “I—I’m comfortable keeping things the way that—” “Hey. You think I don’t make compromises?” says Zara. She's thinking about that word—brave. Jace has no idea what it takes for a vampire like her to "be herself" in a way he imagines. “I make compromises every day.

It's like. This ties so into my belief that pre-shatterstar jace is egoless. He doesn't want to rock the boat. He's comfortable, until Porter comes along. In a way, Zara is unflinchingly herself. She's a hot goth vampire and she's not shy about that. But I think she'd have to reconcile with. Just living in a world that is afraid of her existence. She's free from Jace's POV, but she's not as free as he thinks. She has to be at peace with the idea ther her very existence is just going to be an abomination to some people (and like. It's dnd so i don't know how popular that attitude would be but we have seen religious zealots in text so im sure those people exist). And she's talking about gender stuff but she's also unwittingly kinda speaking to the shatterstar part of his life. Be unflinchingly yourself. You want to live. And sometimes, people will hate you, or you will do harm.

Meanwhile, what is Zara getting out of this time with Jace? Some sort of connection? I think feeling a connection was very thrilling for Jace. That's why he asks, "You felt it, too?" But what does Zara want?

I feel like Zara's motivation is summed up here. Initially, it was curiousity and obligation. She liked seeing him in a state she never had. And he needed a favor, so she felt like she ought to come through. But this is the real reason:

"We can drive for as long as you want. My entire night is free. Obviously"

To me, this is her expressing patience. Patience that she's willing to extend b/c she feels for Jace. But it's also expressing loneliness.

I very much did contrive this bc I'm just a silly billy who has been wanting to write something about Jace n Zara hooking up in a car. And like. I'm cringefail and writing hookups is hard so im always obsessed with what the emotional throughline is for a scene like that and like. I kept coming back to Zara and her celestial lover. I think it's Zara wanting something tangible and messy and faulty.

and yet Zara for a brief terrible moment wants this, with her, over transcendence, over ethereal, ascended, over purity and goodness because this is real , it’s mundane, it’s here , it’s something she doesn’t have to wait for every time her lover comes calling, if anyone knew how desperate Zara truly is they’d never see her the same way again

Like. It's tangible and present and we don't KNOW what a relationship with and angel would be like. But it sounds so... pure. So sterile almost? And textually in FHJY Zara is very mature and healed, but I was like. The idea of a warlock finding a relationship so tantalizing that they would be willing to fuck up their other contracts was just so delicious to me. And Vampires are all about temptation.

Zara can’t help herself, she wants —the same dark want that compels her feed, the same hunger for something she knows is going to destroy her, destroy everyone around her—and seriously, fuck Porter anyway, how could he ever want Jace as profoundly and completely as she feels herself wanting right now,

Like!!!! Yes Zara is better than this but im toxic and want to reduce her to the gutter w the boys! As if it's my fault! I'm not gonna quote the hornier parts but like esp the stuff about like. Zara reconciling with darker wants that—she's not as bad as Porter, but she's a vampire, it's about consumption, about taking, about predation, about desire (it’s also about penetration. lol). She's doesn't let that shit rule her, its there, she does stumble. Like. Was it a good or bad thing that she left it open-ended at the end? I mean. It's good for us for sure. I want them to get into a messy situationship in the wake of Jace's messy breakup with Porter (yes. In my mind this is THEE breakup from IYWD too. The real one).

But like. It was always going to be open ended. Zara did him a favor. This is a contract. There's always a give and take in a relationship. He'll be there for her too at some point. That's how it works.

[play-rough]

8, 21, 22, & 25 for Dazai and Chuuya 🥹💕

🩵❤️‍🔥

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Dazai- god i feel like I’m so picky about Dazai characterizations and it’s so hard to describe sometimes I’ll just be like NO THATS WRONG‼️ but I guess one thing is when Dazai mentoring ryunosuke is just boiled down to a black and white situation where Dazai was soooo abusive to poor ryu (and i feel like this is a disservice to akutagawas character too), but Iike you have a child raised in a strict mafia environment and then you give that unstable child control over *another child* it’s not gonna go well, and i don’t personally blame either of the children in that scenario 🙄 idk BSD just has a lot of complex situations and I feel like they’re not always handled as such 😌🩵 Wtf this morally grey character is making problematic choices??? Cancel him🚫

Chuuya- when he’s just angry shouty guy who yells and shouts, sometimes I feel like I’m looking at a bad bakugo parody 😭

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Ummm for Dazai i like making him break down and cry and forcing him to admit he needs help or attention 🥺👉👈 or sick or just any kind of general vulnerability, and flip side for Chuuya, I love forcing him to admit he’s worried about Dazai or cares about him. My favorite part of Chuuya’s character is that he’s a genuinely nice person, Dazai is just so annoying and pushes his buttons, so I love showing off Chuuya’s softer side and highlighting his protective and caring nature. That scene where chuuya watches Dazai get slammed into a tree by lovecraft x1000000❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

For both of them like I said above im so picky and if you make them one dimensional or even if the vibes are bad I’ll just be like NO THATS WRONG‼️ and close the fic

Something i *like* is pretty much my same answer for 21 ajdhhfhdjs I really only write about what I like reading about so I’m a sucker for vulnerable Dazai and sappy Chuuya BUT for a more specific, ridiculous, self indulgent answer i like when Dazai is written regressed 🥹🩵 or even if he’s baby, just in energy 🥺🩵 Dazai is baby and should be written as such

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

First impressions of Dazai was i don’t even remember him, I read the first bsd book at the library when I was in middle/high school (don’t remember exactly when) and was like eh. Boring. I think it didn’t help that they didn’t have all the books so it was like volume one, three, five, prime numbers only. I think I read soul eater instead lmao. Flash forward to college I had seen bsd characters and i liked the designs, and i had figured chuuya would be my favorite bc he kinda reminded me a bit of Karkat from homestuck (a dear fave of mine at one point) in that angry but actually sweet and kindhearted kinda way.

I was still eh whatever about Dazai, which is crazy because I’ve seen him compared to both Gojo and Reigen in the silly mentor who lost the kids he’s custody of kinda way, and those two are some more faves of mine. Tbh i didn’t solidify him as my fave until we learned of his tragic past because my OTHER favorite kind of character is a rude little bastard, and i was shown the light. Dazai Osamu has the range. He’s like a two for one, which I’m pretty sure he’s a Gemini??? I’m not gonna google and confirm just trust me i think he’s a Gemini ♊️

Impressions now obviously Dazai is my babygirl, my soaking wet cat, my poor pathetic meow meow who has both never done anything wrong and also committed so many war crimes. Chuuya I knew i would like him and I do lmao, close second from Dazai. I think Dazai is pretty much my ultimate fave character of all time…

[safety-writes-noms]

do you have any hcs of Orion and Jane?

yup!

VORE UNDER CUT!! NSFW/FEEDERISM BLOGS DNI PLS IM A MINOR

Orion:

Orion is a cautious sort of person, he’s grown up in a harsh environment and he works a moderately dangerous job and it kinda bleeds over to his nomming tendencies. He’s the type of pred that will always check in on whoever he’s going to gulp down, triple checking if they seriously want to do this, being exceedingly gentle during the whole process to make sure they don’t get hurt.

His stomach is pretty soft on the inside, despite his outside being hard cold metal. It’s not really a stomach but more of a place to store extra parts or items of value. Usually, items are put inside through the sliding panels on his chest and it’s pretty secure. But he can also access it through his pharynx tube through his mouth.

He usually noms people through there because he’s worried that nomming them through his sliding panels might be more dangerous. His insides are pretty heated, since he needs the temperature to keep some of his functions running and it’s completely dry inside. It’d be a problem if any liquid were to get inside his storage hatch since it could potentially get into any other delicate inner workings of his.

he’s pretty aloof most of the time, but he’s fascinated by humans as a whole, since their species and their planet are so vastly different from his own. He doesn’t have a lot of info on them though since everything about humans is locked up tight by space government laws, but now that he has a living specimen to observe he’s been pretty curious about them. When he was younger he always dreamed of being a scientist to help better lives or some sort of job that specializes in humanitarian (but like, the robot version of humanitarian) sort of aspects. Obviously he didn’t get to fulfill that dream seeing how he’s working as a smuggler. he also likes to nom people through his mouth bc he feels like he can get a better feel for them or to just make sure they make the trip down safely. He doesn’t do it often despite the fact that it feels nice for him, but if anyone asks, he’ll oblige willingly.

Jane:

she’s thinks its a weird alien custom. It makes sense that Orion’s biology is way different from anything on Earth, but dear lord, it still freaks her out a bit. She puts some trust in Orion (grudgingly) since he’s the only ally she currently has on her side. Also he’s figured out that she’s not some animal and has been attempting to communicate with her with mixed results. It had been rough in the beginning but at least they’re making some progress.

Jane doesn’t trust him entirely though, and she’s fully ready to ditch him as soon as she thinks he’ll turn on her and give her up for some soulless cash. Sure, they’ve managed to have some very basic and stunted conversations with the limited vocabulary theyre working with, but she has one goal and that’s to get back home.

while she wants to be able to let her walls down around someone, anyone really, she just can’t bring herself to be truly vulnerable. For her, it’s easier to just not care anymore so it hurts less when they either turn on her, leave her, or just decide to kill her.

secretly, she likes being nommed because it reminds her of a hug. Being surrounded by hostile aliens who could crush her underfoot doesn’t leave her with many opportunities to get a hug from someone. She’s awfully homesick and just wants to get back to earth. Although she’s mostly alone and drifting through the foster system, she craves being able to simply connect with another person without hand symbols and confusing language exchanges.

She’s found that Orion seemingly doesn’t mind tucking her away in his storage either so occasionally when her homesickness gets to be too much, she’ll ask him to nom her. however, she considers that as her “breaking” or giving up on her vow to stay distant and usually after becomes warier to Orion, frustrated at herself for giving in to the temptation of comfort and the promise of safety.

While Orion doesn’t really understand why Jane always withdraws from him after he thinks they’ve made some emotional connections, he still tries to help or nudge her back into her usual habits. He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s grown attached and worries about her feelings and safety.

[noxiatoxia]

Ep 15 where Hikaru holds Kaoru's hand trembling because he was scared for his safety... that shit fuckin HITS. I love how well Hikaru and Kaoru were able to use their trickster personas to hide the fact that that Wasnt Planned, and how it was silently agreed to do that because anything else would be Too Genuinely Vulnerable.

And how Hikaru is worried too!! How Kaoru has to comfort Hikaru when it really should be the other way around, but Hikaru legit just Cannot handle his own emotions and needs Kaoru to comfort him about his worry. Like!!! Ive been in situations where I've had to comfort somone because they were really worried about me and part of me was a little annoyed, like 'this really should be about me rn', but a much bigger part of me was overwhelmed by the emotions of someone being so worried about me that they Needed to hold my hand to make sure im there and alive and okay. Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao

Also as an aside because ive been thinking about it, in episode 16 I love just how much is shown to the audience about the twins dynamic in their tiny interaction where Kaoru follows after Hikaru after his outburst about Arai. Like Kaoru doesnt even really console him, he like. Makes fun of his temper. But his tone of voice is so different than usual, much softer and sincere sounding, at least in the dub. And i just love how they showed that they're very open and honest about their feelings with eachother. Theyre not good communicators (well Hiakru isnt), but they dont have to be with eachother. They just know what the other intends. I also love how Hikaru doesnt redirect his anger to Kaoru, something that would be so easy to do, especially given that he doesnt understand his own emotions. He's just is kinda gruff and open with him. And Kaoru is just as open in that he doesnt agree with Hikarus behavior. But it doesnt come across like a disagreement because they're just. So in sync. Kaoru just wants Hikaru to be better and learn and Hikaru couldnt be actually pissy with him even if he's pissed generally. Idk just those episodes are just so damn good. Episode 16 is a bit hard to watch for me tho, cause of how majorly dickish Hiakru is, which sucks because its one of my favorites

AUGH AGUH IT TRULY IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD...I LOOOOVE Hikaru's overreactions in the show. Being separate from Kaoru, seeing him get hurt, he goes APESHIT. He's so fucking unhealthily codependant it's awesome.......But also, I think it's usually the quick succession or severity of these things. Like, Hikaru CAN be alone as we've seen in episode 16, but I think sudden and forceful separation makes him panic like in ep 21. Same with Kaoru being wounded. I think what scared him the most was how quick it happened, and the fact Kaoru legit could have died or gotten seriously injured if the vase fell on his head. Kaoru seems to be a lot more calm in these situations like in ep 26 where he has every right to fucking panic about Hikaru being flung off of the [REDACTED] bc let's be real....based on the way he fell he should have broke a rib or his neck not his arm. And while Kaoru was super worried obviously he didn't go into panic mode like Hikaru would have. Whether it's simply a better grasp on his emotions (doubtful) or him masking as to not maybe make Hikaru panic more is for debate. I just think it's interesting they both react in their own ways to the other being injured.

That reminds me, I have...2 fics I should prob finish one day about either Hitachiin getting hurt and the other freaking out lol. One is based off that part in ep 26

Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao

THIS ^^^^^^^^ I 100% agree. I think considering how unhealthily codependent they are, Kaoru would absolutely get some sort of validation and dopamine over Hikaru worrying about him. It cements to Kaoru that Hikaru still cares, something he worries about a lot. He knows (thinks) they won't be close forever, knows (thinks) that they'll drift apart sometime here, and so getting those reactions from Hikaru is a way of comforting him, by letting him know it's not that time yet and Hikaru still cares.

Like you said, I think Kaoru (unless he was very mentally unwell, which I CAN see in specific settings or instances) wouldn't try to hurt himself or put himself in dangerous situations to get a reaction out of his brother. For the most part he would hide that aspect of himself and by extension any injury he got because he feels really guilty and weird that he gets a sense of euphoria over driving Hikaru up a wall with worry. So it's better to just not engage at all.

ALSO YEAH episode 16 was such a good episode to show case the differences and ways the twins handle individual conflict. I love that scene in the bedroom, showing how the twins can be snappy with each other but you can clearly tell it doesn't mean anything malicious. It's just how they talk, which makes sense. I also really love just....uhhhhghghgh Kaoru. Kaoru who orchestrated a whole date for his brother just to teach him some important life lesson, coming to terms he couldn't teach that to Hikaru himself. Juxtaposed to ep 21 where he's afraid of "losing" HIkaru, there's some bitter irony in the fact it's all Kaoru's own fault Hikaru is as open as he is now, as he directly pushed his brother to be those things, and the fact that even KNOWING he's the reason he still can't let go as he tails his brother around in ep 16, it's so so so fucking good. I think a lot of people forget Kaoru is JUST as emotional as Hikaru, and this episode portrays it well. Kaoru is just very quiet about his emotions, and so his need to always be involved in Hikaru's life, his fear of losing him, translates to, basically, micromanaging and stalking him. Which is Not Healthy and I think a lot of people think just cuz Kaoru doesn't have violent outbursts like Hikaru does that means he's not as emotional which just isn't true at all.

I think it's funny you dislike how much of a petulant brat Hikaru was in that episode. I mean tbf, the show WANTS you to disagree with him because the point of the episode is to teach him that important lesson, but I found it personally hilarious the fact he acted like that. It's very, very Hikaru to get Angry at any emotion and situation you don't understand. I will say tho I do have issues rewatching ep 16 because it is So Much Emotional Baggage for me. I care too much about these paper drawings and so I care Too Much watching the episode.

Also cuz I view the hika/haru stuff in a completely platonic way cuz I think it's better for the story and I know the author and stuff meant for it to be romantic which semi pisses me off. Hikaru could never pull a woman. Don't make me laugh.

However, he SHOULD have gone on an apology date with Arai. That would have been awesome.

[koqabear]

i finished it a while ago and was excited about talking abt it with u but my wifi went out all of a sudden LMAO buttttttt anyways, it came back like super late and now im writing this at like midnight. i have so much to say but so little at the same time bcs im literally just shocked. like pure shock. that was SUCH a rollercoaster??? and since you're tagging these asks as spoilers,, im gonna say it. i did NOT expect oc to kill yeonjun. like it was in the back of my head like "maybe..." bcs it kept on being mentioned about how the jacket was heavy but i dismissed it UGH i should've seen that coming.

and beomgyu literally abt to kill oc, with no sign of hesitation (chills)? APPLAUSE. i've read so many yandere fics and so much romanticize that sickness .. then characterize it as dark romance. ofcourse i get that has its own fans but i do appreciate ones that are more on the realistic side with these psychos (ik this more of a psychological thriller too so ig it was a given for that to be the direction, but still THANK YOU). like hes insane enough and therefore hes capable of killing oc bcs he doesnt see her as a human being at all. so again, I really appreciate that aspect </3

then yeonjun. yeonjun and his fake moral compass. he was trying so hard to hold onto that humanity that he thought he had, and he kept on believing he was superior to others (especially beomgyu in the fic) and it was just...conveyed so well? that final breakthrough at the end when oc tells him hes no better than gyu, and he just...breaks? like he's telling himself hes not, while also trying to kill oc...just like gyu. The ascends to madness was so properly conveyed in that last scene, even though its been implied throughout the whole story that he basically has some sort of inner conflict and lost his moral compass wayyyy earlier. the last part really hit it in the nail, which is just so right for an ending scene.

the last part i want to touch on was the way you utilized oc's pov in the stalker part of the story. its the way i knew beomgyu and yeonjun were the ones literally hiding cameras in her room and have sick fantasies of wanting to own her, yet even with that background knowledge i still suspected soobin. and i still trusted beomjun. MAYBE IT WAS JUST ME??? but idk bro, i was so mad at myself when i pieced everything together the same time oc did. i seriously need to watch out, being gullible will be the death of me T-T but even me being super gullible aside, i think your writing is what really made me doubt soobin the way oc did.. i for sure thought we had another yandere on the loose LMAO.

okay now last last part I PROMISSEEE. i just really like the way you wrote how yeonjun/beomgyu broke her down then used her vulnerability to their advantage. its so sick but its such an easy trap to fall into. like obviously this is fiction and therefore it might be more on the extreme side but the tactics they used are just found literally in everyday abusive relationships and i especially liked how you touched upon the fact that extreme dependency can truly be the downfall of someone. and vulnerability, vulnerability was such a big part of the story!!

so, just last comment towards you. i know you worked hard on it and i wrote this entire essay basically to just emphasize that it paid off. i'm 100% sure you're proud of the work and i truly want you to be PROUDER. this was really, really, really good. i sat down, and read through the entire thing without feeling bored, always on the edge of my seat, enjoying your professional but almost casual way of using words (its literally genius the way you write), and truly this was such a perfect halloween post. thank you for writing, seriously. i honestly wish youd get a few bucks out of this (and im more than willing to give a couple IM BEING FRL) </3

one question since this is basically not an actual ask and me just ranting about how much i love your work: do you think you'll pursue writing professionally? have you thought about it? have you taken classes ? i wanna knowwwww

I’ll address a lot of specific points below, thank you so much! <3

(killing off Yeonjun) -It’s sick, but killing yj off was my favorite part! I knew immediately that this story would be dark, and what better way to end off such an intense scene than giving yj what he deserves? I really hope I was able to catch you guys off guard with that, but I made sure to subtly lead up to it with the jacket thing!!  (Beomgyu + thoughts on the term “yandere”)

-THANK YOU! Lemme just say, thriller holds such a special place in my heart, and making Beomgyu a fucked up character just allowed me to sneak in that action packed scene at the end haha

I was afraid of writing this story initially— the term “yandere” has taken on many different connotations and meanings, some more romanticized than others. My intent was never to paint such a relationship in a happy or cute light— even if they did have their little honeymoon stage where all was “right”, it’s still a toxic and horrible relationship; it’s always bound to fall apart in the end. Plus, Beomgyu and Yeonjun just became so insatiable that simply having her there was never enough— they needed to control her too. 

(Yeonjun + what if mc didn’t put on bg’s jacket?)

-Yeonjun was able to get away with being the better of the two throughout the whole story— so to hear that he wasn’t above everyone else like he so desperately believed, and from the mc no less— it felt like all his efforts were tumbling down, that no matter how hard he tried, it would never be good enough— which was a struggle he had to deal with all his life— it just completely broke the last bit of rationality that he had within him. 

Had the mc not put on bg’s jacket, Yeonjun would’ve killed her, then killed himself shortly after—they would only be discovered weeks later after their families reported them missing, a gruesome scene that would’ve destroyed all their relatives; Soobin’s body would’ve been found soon after, judging by the fact that the evidence is still in the cabin and intact. 

(Soobin the decoy lmao)

-God I feel so proud that I was able to fool some people at least! Soobin’s persisting affection was a key to making it all convincing— those passing comments, all the coddling and endless attempts to woo her, beomjun saw that and used it to their benefit. 

(Use of vulnerability)

-From the start, the mc was already a pretty vulnerable character; she was already away from home with no one else but Yeonjun— which only made her lean into him more and trust him. And because Beomgyu was quick to pick up on that, he knew that the only way to get her more dependent on them was to make her more vulnerable, with her last resort being them; of course, it’s a very drastic depiction, but thank you for noticing <333

(Plans for the future!)

-Thank you so so much :(((( this really means a lot to me, you have no idea. 

I have indeed decided to pursue writing professionally! It’s kind of scary to say, (write) but I hope to be able to succeed and publish books one day <3 it’s ambitious, but you never know!

Thank you sooo so much for this review, thank you for taking your time to write this, you have no idea how much this means to me— seriously, I couldn’t stop rereading all of the reviews i received <3

[edelgarfield]

i was making a post abt lestat iwtv being bpd coded and how through that lens the way other characters treat him, and the way fans justify it rly unsettles me (i was focusing on the friends that i watched the show with, though im sure the fandom does it too, but im not touching that with a 10 ft pole)

but i stopped bc i realized i was pretending to talk abt lestat but i was actually talking abt me and watching the show & hearing the way my friends talk abt someone who exhibits symptoms of my disorder was really upsetting

so like there's a thousand posts in the bpd (and other communities on tumblr) that say something along the lines of "everyone's sympathetic until i start exhibiting symptoms of the mental illness i told you i have." and yes, that's true & it sucks.

but i was thinking abt past relationships & even some of the friendships that i have at the moment. people LOVE receiving affection & attention from people with bpd. like that's ALSO something that gets talked about all the time, we can be super compassionate, empathetic, etc etc. people love having someone they KNOW isn't going to leave, they love being able to walk in & out of my life at their leisure, they love getting showered with gifts & having someone who will do virtually anything for them. this is extremely common behavior.

those are all a direct result of my bpd. people don't care at all when i'm exhibiting THOSE symptoms. in fact they actively enjoy & benefit from it. people LOVE the fact that I have bpd. a TON of people actively encourage those symptoms and use them to their advantage. my fear of abandonment makes me extremely easy to manipulate and i've had PLENTY of people do that. my shittier friends will invoke my triggers or withhold affection or ghost me in order to get the response they want. they know they can win an argument by threatening to leave.

so people will actively encourage & use my bpd to their benefit, but then get upset with me as soon as i display a negative symptom of the disorder they've been encouraging. like obviously i'm 100% responsible for my behavior & no matter how i'm treated that's not an excuse to hurt another person or try to manipulate them.

but the "positive" symptoms of bpd (the affection & desperation & attention) don't feel positive for ME. they feel good on the receiving end but for me it's still awful, I'm panicking & empty and it hurts a lot. but nobody cares how I feel, they only care how my disorder affects them. and i work really hard to regulate & control myself! it takes a lot of effort on my part to keep my bpd from hurting other people but no one thinks about how their actions hurt me. like again it's not other people's job to manage my illness but there's also a bunch of extremely minor things people could do that would make it 100x easier on me. but i feel like i can't ask for them bc any time someone w/ bpd asks for ANYTHING it's seen as manipulative & toxic. i'm always second guessing whether it's "okay" to be honest about how i'm feeling bc i worry about even accidentally making someone feel pressured to help me. i feel like i can't explain that i have bpd bc as soon as i do people will see any emotional vulnerability from me as a form of manipulation.

so like, it just feels incredibly unfair that people are allowed to manipulate & benefit & enjoy the symptoms of my disorder no matter how much it hurts me, but as soon as it affects them in a way they don't like, i'm manipulative & an inherently bad person and all the things they enjoyed about me previously are suddenly recolored as an elaborate scheme. like i'm 100% responsible for any emotional manipulation or cruelty that's caused by my bpd, that's completely fair. but nobody cares about the way people use my bpd for their own benefit or use it to manipulate me, that's just considered acceptable. if someone is benefiting from my bpd in a way that hurts me, nobody cares bc i'm just crazy and it's my fault for getting hurt,

[damonalbarngirl]

its just so irritating when white ppl only care about the abuse that mostly latine immigrants face when they want to complain about vegans as if everything that they eat isn't also a product of the exploitation of people of color

[birdmans]

could you elaborate on shiv loving tom more than he ever loved her? if you want to obviously

this is just my personal interpretation based off multiple rewatches and consuming interviews w/snook but i genuinely do feel like it not only makes the show more tragic but enhances the quality of the writing + shiv’s character by believing that she loved him more. like the reason i insistently use gone girl quotes w tomshiv is bc beside the obvious they both seriously are nick and amy in their respective ways but specifically the entire “im the cunt you married” speech encapsulates them as a couple bc tom likes the ego boost that being w someone like shiv gives him and shiv likes the idea that someone like tom who was raised in a comfortable household could still love her. but regarding the initial question i simply think that shiv loved tom more bc it all comes down to the fact that she would have never done what he did to her in 3x09. sure she cheated on him and disrespected him and mistreated him but shiv also did the thing she despises most all for his sake by essentially begging logan not to send him to jail. she showed emotion and weakness and everything logan despises knowing that it would hurt her chances of getting everything she’s ever wanted all for tom. this gets brushed over a lot as shiv feeling guilty or something but ppl rly don’t grasp that she was willing to kill everyone including her big brother—but tom was off limits. it’s also interesting to me when i see how her comments abt tom not being part of the family are taken as an insult when that’s literally the nicest thing anyone has ever said to him? but that’s part of what makes tom so compelling bc he wants to be the kind of powerful guy that a roy heiress could fall in love with but that’s where it ends bc he’s seen shiv, in his own words, get fucked and he hasn’t seen logan get fucked once. tom has repeatedly watched shiv get berated by her abusive father but all he can do is offer her a supporting arm or hug bc his ambition runs too deep. we saw his parents we saw how he treats shiv and it’s easy to determine that he knows parents don’t treat their children like that but he still wants to be part of it anyways. shiv on the other hand grew up in this heinous household as the youngest of three brothers with a cold father and an even colder mother yet sometime in her twenties she met minnesota tom who not only gives her stability but makes her feel loved. idk what article it was but i remember snook describing tom as a safe haven to shiv and it’s bc he’s so open w his love for her that she knows it’s real! there’s no mind games w his affection or tricks bc up until s3 she knew felt confident that he wouldn’t deceive her. shiv chose tom most likely under the initial understanding of their relationship being loving but transactional bc that’s all she’s ever known and she saw through tom enough to get the gist of the prestige he’s after but in her eyes at least someone would be on her side! she likes and even craves the power of someone loving her so unabashedly bc shes been deprived of it her whole life. shiv doesn’t have the privilege of being able to show emotion like that, even w her husband, bc all the roys have had vulnerability beat out of them and exploited by their father. anyways i could talk abt shiv all day and idek if im answering your question but to me shiv loves tom more and she discovers this when he sides w logan bc she let him know her as much as anyone could and he still chose her father

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[shingia]

Heya. I know this is very angsty of a request, but I saw the fic of characters reacting to their s/o who [tw] relapsed into self harm and was wondering if you would do some for asahi, ushijima, and oikawa?

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐩𝐭.𝟐

hi ! ofc you can honey <3 i hope these will bring you as much comfort as you need, and plz don’t hesitate to dm me if you need to talk to someone, or to reach out for help in any way. here’s a hug for you bcs you deserve it, love you 💗 

also im sorry but i really couldn’t imagine asahi ever arguing with his s/o so i didn’t include this in his fic (he really is too precious)

warnings : mentions of self harm, one mention of blood, some self-depreciating thoughts. please do not read if any of these might trigger something, stay safe everyone <3

➾ 𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

asahi trusted you blindly. and everyday, he had to make an effort to persuade himself that you trusted him in return. you did of course, how could you not trust the one that had helped you through so much ?

but this wasn’t about trust ; it was about shame. because the last thing you wanted was to find in his eyes the anguish and fear as they were a few months ago. you couldn’t do that to him, yet you kept doing that to yourself.

however, you had the misfortune - which was more of a blessing really - to have a very observant boyfriend who cared about you. and he cared enough to gather the courage to finally ask you about what he had hoped you’d come to him for. sat next to you on the couch, he took the plunge. 

« do you… do you remember when you promised to always come to me if you needed help ? ». there, he had said it. and from the way that his arm tightened encouragingly around your waist, you understood what he meant by this innocent question. he kept speaking : « you know i trust you, right ? i really do. but something tells me that maybe you forgot about this promise recently ».

each of his words was carefully chosen, more than usual. because even if he didn’t show you, he was terrified of messing up. the fact that you were reluctant to answer was enough for him to understand that he had guessed right. but what confirmed it was the single tear that slowly streamed down your cheek.

« oh angel, no, come here. come, you’re ok now… » he spoke in a tone that was more comforting that anything you had ever heard. his arms were wide open for you to snuggle in, and when they wrapped around you, his words replayed once again in your head. i’m ok now, i’m ok now… you repeated internally. and you were, asahi was a man of his words after all.

« i’m sorry for being weak » you finally said after a few seconds of silence, voice half-muffled by his embrace. his warm fingers traced the outline of your face, encouraging you to look up to him. not because he needed to see your face, he already knew it by heart, but because you needed to see his. « weak ? y-you’re the furthest thing from weak. how can i even put it..? you are one of the strongest person i know, and i wouldn’t be half the man i am today if it weren’t for you. 

you wanted to thank him, but exhaustion took hold of your body before any word could leave your tight throat. and when you woke up - two hours later according to the clock - asahi was still there, holding you tight against his heart like a promise to never let go of you anymore.

➾ 𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

ushijima hated to waste time and energy on ‘petty fights’, as he liked to call them. but it was really frustrating to always feel like he avoided confrontation ; arguments were necessary in a relationship, and he didn’t seem to understand that.

whenever you got into fights, you were always the only one to get angry, which never failed to make you feel guilty afterwards. and eventually, this feeling of guilt started to become permanent, taking so much place in your brain that you had to sacrifice a part of the self-confidence you had built up the past months. but you didn’t know how much longer you could conceal it.

tonight was the first time you were sleeping together since your most recent fight, the one that had damaged you so badly. and you couldn’t lie, feeling his warmth next to you after about three days spent ignoring him almost felt like a reward. but a reward for what ? you were certainly not proud of what you had done, and you were terrified at the thought that he’d ever notice it. but unfortunately, your efforts to pretend like everything was ok were put to an end in the middle of the night, at about 3 am. something silly, really : ushijima had just turned around in his sleep, and his shoulder accidentally weighed on your wrist, making you hiss in pain. he immediately opened his eyes at the sound, his hand immediately finding its way to your side - he was always a light sleeper with you.

« are you ok ? » he asked, propping himself on an elbow, barely distinguishing your silhouette in the dark. « yeah, just my wrist. come on, let’s go back to sl- ». oh… that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. it was hard to gauge his reaction since you could not properly see his face, but since he sat on the bed as soon as you interrupted yourself, you understood that it had not fallen on deaf ears. « are you comfortable with me turning on the lights ? » he asked, obvious concern in his voice. saying yes was tempting, because you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him see you like this, vulnerable and ashamed.

ushijima accepted it of course, he knew he was not the best with words, so the least he could do was to make sure you were comfortable with whatever he decided to do. « is it ok if i hold you ? » he asked once again, his tone a bit more hesitant. the muscles in your jaw tensed at his words, it was more than ok, or at least you wanted to give it a try, but the worry you had caused him was bringing you back to the familiar feeling of guilt.

however, when he carefully made you rest on top of him like he had always done, something inside you felt healed to know that whatever you were going through did not impact every aspect of your life. his embrace felt the same, so did his heaving chest that rocked your body to sleep every night. surprisingly enough, you did not shed a tear. because the comfort finally felt stronger than the pain, you refused to let anything trouble this moment.

« are you ready to talk about it ? » he questioned, his voice rumbling like a soothing storm in his chest « or do you prefer to wait until tomorrow ? ».

ushijima might have avoided many discussions with you, but this one ? he simply refused to. and if he was more than ready to help you overcome your pain, he also knew not to pressure you into talking. words would come, eventually. but actions were always first.

➾ 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

despite his usually confident behavior, oikawa knew he had a tendency to second-guess each and every one of his actions, and to beat himself up quite often.

he could not remember the last time he had felt so utterly disgusted by himself, he was usually more careful with his words. but all it took was one angry outburst from him for you to withdraw into yourself - and he had to fix this as soon as possible.

luckily for him, your relationship was strong enough not to be too affected by this argument - which had not been your first, but definitely the biggest one. however, you had been affected. a lot actually. but you knew better than to talk to him about this, knowing that he would obviously take the blame for your relapse.

but oikawa was attentive, and, clever as he was, it did not take long for him to guess what you were going through when he saw the red-stained tissues in the bathroom trash. it had been two weeks since your fight, and just the thought that he had left you alone with your struggles for so long made him want to throw up.

without wasting any more second, he burst out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where you were absent-mindedly watching a movie. he would have preferred to have a discussion with you with a clear head, but the sight of the tissues kept spiraling in his head and he was incapable of doing anything else but to pull you in for a hug whose suddenness made you gasp.

oikawa’s hugs were usually soft, with little kisses here and there and a few compliments chuckled in your ear. but today had nothing to do with those. his arms were engulfing your figure in a desperate need to feel you against him, like he was trying to make up for all the time he had left you alone. « i’m so sorry, so sorry baby… can you forgive me ? » he breathed out, his voice cracking with emotion. obviously you knew what he was referring to, how could you not know ? and just like him, the thousand words on your mind only transcribed in your arms wrapping around him, closing the last few millimeters that separated you as you frantically nodded your head yes. 

you did not think he had anything to be forgiven for, and sadly, you also knew that he would continue to blame himself no matter what your answer had been. that was actually your biggest motivation to begin your recovery journey. oikawa needed to know that, from now on, you’d turn to him instead of your old habits. and you wanted nothing more than to make him happy, so, since his happiness seemed to depend on yours, it could be considered a package deal towards a better future, together.

before you leave, here are links to two mental health support apps that i hope will help you deal what you are going through right now. i know it’s not much but i’ll be the happiest girl if this helped someone in the tiniest way. take care of yourselves ❤️

Calm Harm - Play Store | App Store

Wysa - Play Store | App Store

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[star-ocean-peahen]

so I went through the tag to see if you had posted more for my new favorite bastard man and read this post and. ANGST ANGST ANGST

YESSSSS

I desperately want Link to be like really actually pissed off that the Fae King has even a piece of the Goddess Blood Essence, especially after how she lost Shei. How dare he desecrate his memory! ...That might be one of the only things keeping her going while this is going on; Shei's memory.

I also think it's really funny that it's the Essence of the Skies that he's got... especially with all these Girahim vibes he's got going on lol.

I really like Link's shattering-sound trauma coming into play- I bet that hurts culling the herd of pottery tho :')

Here's an angsty thought: how does Shei's sudden absence affect Link? I bet since the Fae King's already trying to make her feel vulnerable, that doent help any... I'd love if she tried to find strength through Shei, or even vice verca.... <3

It'd be funny if Link and/or Stella were made to do menial tasks/chores like mending and tending the fae nobilty hand and foot, just for Link and Stella to pretend to but really they're sabotaging like. seams to fall apart or for dough not to set right or rinsing dishes in dirty dish water... petty stuff like that- stuff that Shei would probably (definitely) teach them. What, he was locked up in a dungeon for five years, they had to give him something to do!

I really really like the part when Link stands up to the Fae King I'm. Feral.

very cathartic, that part building up to the Fae King's demise, thats god tier.

I think it'd be kinda funny if Stella went to stir up some dissent amongst the fae subjects while Link was busy being yknow. tortured, maybe instill a new ruler to take the Fae King's place before she and Link peace out ajnsfksd

One more nugget of angst tho... I wonder if the Fae King could idk... glimpse anything from the Goddess Blood Essence of the Skies... Maybe a line about Link's "poor little friend" before BITE KILL MAIM!!!

If the Fae King weren't yknow. Fae folk idk I feel like zelda theories would try really hard to say he was twili maybe... which ofc have ties to the sheikah and gerudo and bad blood (cough goddess blood cough pun cough) with the Royal Family so 👀👀👀👀👀

not sure if those are all of my thoughts I kinda tried to just. dump my brain in here after re-reading the thing bc I. missed it? somehow??? :(

but!! it was a very fun time! I hope you enjoy my thoughts and I look forward to more of this au! :D

Bonus: Fae King looks so fun to draw

AK;JWBEFIFBwiealRFBAIWELHFBWA,JERFHBAE

I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX THESE GIVE ME LIKE AN ENTIRE DAY'S WORTH OF HAPPY BRAIN CHEMICAL-

yessssss i absolutely picked the essence of the skies for a reason!! paralleling sksw zelda falling into the hands of ghirahim my beloved

hhhhhhhhhhhh link having pottery-related trauma is Something. she doesn't want to smash the pot because that would be Bad, obviously, so why are every one of her instincts screaming at her to do it

akjfkejw maybe hyrule has transitioned away from the use of pots or something maybe the screen shudders every time you smash a pot maybe she flinches but does it anyway because gremlin instincts cannot be ignoredddddddd

ooooooooooooooooooooooh what if the fae king pretends he can hear/sense shei in the piece of GBE but hes lying cuz hes a dirty lying liar

AKJSBFIUWABE;F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAOCHGSHHS!!!!!!!!!!! YOU SOLVED THE PROBLEM THATS WHAT STELLA'S DOING THE WHOLE TIME SHES WORKING SEPARATELY (LIKE IN A BOILER ROOM OR SOMETHING) BUT SABOTAGING EVERYONE AND HHHHHHHHH WAIT WAIT WAIT WHAT IF SHES ALSO HELPING THE OTHER CHILD SERVANTS ESCAPE WITH LIKE SOME MAGIC OR SOMETHING (suddenly got spirited away vibes. no idea where that came from but BRAIN GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

and. im Thinking. about what the fae are in relation to the zelda lore. because unlike all the other races that pop up which are at least human-based in pysche faerie are so Not Human at all everything they are is human but a little to the left so What. could have happened to cause that. im thinking of stealing something from the fic i got all my info from (Miraculous Ladybug fic called Spellbound) where a bunch of humans tried to use power that didn't belong to them to become something elevated from humanity and their wish got granted but like not in the way they wanted because they ended up gaining the power they wanted but losing their humanity in the process and that would be So Fucking Cool because in Zelda there's mortals and then there's spirits/gods and nothing in between the fae would be like that bridge between them but instead of being a true bridge like this (forgive my absymal drawing)

they would be a bridge like this

between both but not anchored to neither and it fits even more because you know who's supposed to be a bridge between things LINK its literally his NAME so link being brought up among the false bridge but becoming the actual one between mortal and immortal is oagh ooagh ooooaaaaaaaaaaaa

(i think thats the longest run-on sentence ive ever written forgive me)

but then i have to figure out how that actually HAPPENED

like which people were they?? what power did they use to try and abandon their humanity?? what motive did they have?? cultists of the goddesses who strayed too far?? greedy outsiders unaware of the scope of hyrule's power?? would they be kokiri who grew up or something?? IS THAT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET LOST IN THE LOST WOODS YOU LITERALLY LOSE YOUR HUMANITY??? i like that last one actually

i appreciate your brain dumps so?? much?? seriously im so happy you're into this au i didn't think anybody would be and now i have a buddy to yell with and its the Best Thing so thank you sm 🥺🥺🥺