#up being bonded for life and totally infatuated with each other'

[ghostwnby]

Spot the difference

[outro-jo]

wayv and their crush from another country

pairing: wayv x reader

type: reaction

summary: how wayv reacts to you being from another country

warnings: none

request: yes

a/n: requests are open but please read my info before requesting!

masterlist | info

kun- long distance

he definitely was a little hesitant at first but when he first met you he was so enamored with you it eventually didn’t matter much. he loved learning about where you’re from and the language and your culture. all of it made you who you are and he loved every part of who you are. kun is just so thoughtful about his life and where he sees himself going so he definitely had to think things through a bit before finally pursuing a relationship with you. turns out he doesn’t really mind the long distance. sure he misses you like crazy but wayv keeps him pretty busy and you’re so independent and career driven. the distance also gave him an opportunity to use his piloting skills more often. it all just works. even when it comes time to move into a place together, it all just works out so seamlessly. almost like the god(s) put you two together. 

ten- relatable

there was no second thought or hesitation. chittaphon himself is from a different country so you two could related in many ways. you two were able to swap stories on when you both respectively moved to a new country for the first time. every little blunder with the language and culture, the comparisons from where you both lived before, the culture shock and similarities. the commonalities really helped early on in your friendship and eventually relationship to bond to two of you together and make you feel that you had a lot in common. it also gave you two quite a bit to learn about with each other and understanding where you both came from. 

winwin- polar opposites 

winwin is no stranger to other countries or cultures… but they’re usually ones that are more in his comfort zone. he’s from china with friends and group mates from some different countries and those are languages and cultures he’s more familiar and comfortable with. so when he met you, he was definitely fascinated but a little intimidated. he struggled with your language (which you found adorable) and it just took a bit more time to get to know you in general. this made him a bit more hesitant to start a relationship with you especially since you didn’t live in the same country as him. but he couldn’t deny just how infatuated he was with you so he had to ask you out sometime. he took the opportunity when he came to perform in your country. he knew then that despite all of your differences he had to make it work.

xiaojun- the one he never thought he’d see again 

dejun was shocked to say the least. not that you were from a different country, he knew that from the jump and he loved it. wayv was performing in a different country, your home country, and due to a mix up he was sat next to you on the plane. his managers tried to swap him out somewhere else but one look at you and he was totally fine with the mistake. once he found out the plane was going to your birthplace he was eager to know more. he asked you everything since he had never been before and he wanted to know all the places he should go and food to eat, even asking for a few phrases he could tell his fans in your language. by the time the plane landed, his heart sank with the thoughts of never seeing you again. the shock came in when he returned home from tour months later and when walked by a coffee shop on his street, you sat in the window. dejun couldn’t help but stop and stare as you typed away on your computer, blissfully aware. what dejun didn’t know or even think to ask was that you were just going home to see family but actually lived in the same country he did. it was almost impulsive when he rushed in and asked you out. he was too afraid of never seeing you again.

hendery- first person you met

you were different from anyone he had ever met and he was immediately taken with you. everything about you that showed off where you were from. hendery couldn’t get enough of you and it started the moment he met you. your dream of being a makeup artist was proving more difficult than you expected with the industry being flooded but your friend worked for sm and they were looking for more stylists. you jumped at the opportunity and new adventure. the first person to ever sit in your chair was hendery and you expected him to be like all the other popstars, stuck up, conceited, absolutely no interest in anything but himself, but you were so wrong. he smiled up at you through the mirror and asked your name. as you worked, he didn’t stop asking you questions.  he just wanted to know so much about you and he was especially patient with you as you were learning the language. with one conversation your entire perspective on him changed. hendery only wanted more of you in his life so from then on he’d ask you out with him and his friends or invite you to the dorms to meet his fur babies. 30 minutes in a makeup chair just wasn’t enough for him. you noticed the way he was learning little phrases in your native language and finding out your favorite foods to make you. he loved everything that made you you. by the time hendery officially asked you to be his partner, you were glad you took a chance in moving somewhere completely different.

yangyang- “neighbors”

you’d had never seen anyone more excited. yangyang introduced himself and the second you turned to talk to your friend in german, his face lit up. he immediately joined in with what he remembered. yangyang remembers his years in germany so fondly and when he met you and the two of you had such an instant connection, it didn’t take long for him to fall. it helped that you had also just moved pretty close to the boys dorms and yangyang definitely used it as an opportunity to get closer to you. taking you to all his favorite shops and restaurants. before either of you knew it, he was asking you to make it official. it’s funny how you both were so close, not knowing each other and the universe brought you together somewhere completely different.

[dearweirdme]

Hi Rain! I hope you’re doing well

I don’t know where all this “Jk is annoyed by Tae” talk is coming from, but coincidentally I’ve been thinking about that for a few days.

In my case I was watching the seven backstage, where Tae ask Jk to spar with him, and initially I thought that Jk complied but seemed annoyed 🤔 (I ship them since a long time ago, just to be clear and don’t seem like a hater 😅).

That made me remember other times where Jk seemed “annoyed” with Tae and I’ve been pondering on it, and while the previous asks and your responses gave me some insight, I also thought of something that I wanted to share:

I think is normal and valid to feel annoyed by someone, even when we love them. Jk and Tae are very similar but also vastly different in a lot of ways, so things like that are gonna happen, like you said, depending on the situation, context, etc.

Also, from what I’ve interpreted from Jk and Tae’s personality, Jk tends to get conscious about others perception of him, so he is more happy going when he’s around new people, but at the same time he’s still reserved. While Tae seems more comfortable to joke around and share maybe way too much even with new people. This comes from them being introverted and extroverted respectively, and while this is exactly why I love and relate to them, my point is that for Jk it takes some time (or maybe depending on the type of person) for him to show that other side of him, so it speaks a lot of Taekook’s bond for him to appear annoyed and don’t feel the need to accommodate the other person. With Tae he can be himself completely, he can be annoyingly endeared by him and show it, I think even more than with the other members but that’s an opinion.

So maybe that’s why other people think that he’s uncomfortable with Tae, because they are not used to see this side of Jk where he doesn’t need to be happy all the time, they spend so much time together, that their familiarity makes the haters uncomfortable and say bs like “they don’t like each other”. At the end of the day, only a blind person would deny Taekook’s bond and relationship, and their interactions shows how close they are.

Hi anon!

I’m well, thanks for asking! I’ve been crazy busy lately and things finally seem to slow down a bit. All good stuff, but I’m kinda exhausted because of it 😂.

While I still don’t really see annoyance from Jk in that footage, I do agree with your general take. It is very normal to have moments of annoyance even between romantic partners. When people have been together for an extended period of time (after the initial infatuation stage) small annoyances will pop up quite a lot actually. No two people are the same and in a safe relationship people are able to show their annoyances about the other freely.

Tae and Jk do have different levels of openness (though I wouldn’t classify Tae as totally extroverted, but he is more extroverted than Jk for sure). I think a big difference between Tae and Jk is the concern for safety they have. I think Tae is less concerned about giving away too much than Jk is.

I think a lot of people don’t know (or want) to differentiate between normal casual annoyances you will find between any two people that are close and a real deep annoyance that borders to hate. People take things into extremes and see only black and white, while real life often takes place in greys.

[lyramundana]

Hello, dear. Can you please do a scenerio where yandere Chan and yandere Hyunjin falling for the same person?

Sure thing, I'll try my best. Here you go, sweatheart 😘

YANDERE CHAN & YANDERE HYUNJIN FALLING FOR THE SAME PERSON

These men are already intense and fierce in their passion as normal people, even worse as yandere. I pity the person that has managed to get both of their attention, because Hell awaits for them.

Hyunjin is an egocentric man, very aware of the effect he has on people and enjoying every second of it. He has no problem using his good looks for his own benefit, considering that his beauty is another asset of his and so he can use it however he wants to. He gets off the power he feels when he has someone on his grasp, playing with them until he gets bored or finds someone more interesting. This doesn't prevent for secretly dreaming about finding his real love and live the idealized romance experience he visualizes in his head.

Christopher (we call him by his gouverment name here because the author finds it hot) doesn't have this much of an ego, but he's quite confident on his charms too. Like Hyunjin, he gets off the feeling of control over someone and having them squirm at his will. He's very territorial and protective with people he loves. He feels a desesperate need of be in control of everything that involves him and be in charge at any situation. He thrives off being "the leader" and having people look up to him for guidance.

As yandere, they're among the worst of the group. So if they happen to fall in love with the same person, it'll be a bloody experience.

They meet that person, let's refer to them as "Darling", either at work. Maybe Darling is a member of the staff, someone close to them, or maybe they're just a normal person they meet outside work. Regardless of the place, the love stricks them and they can't scape it. Hyunjin falls at first sight, in awe with Darling's beauty, and idealizing that person in his head before having a proper converstation. First thing he does is use his charms on them, convinced that they'll soon drawn them to him like usual, but he's shocked when Darling isn't inmediatly under his spell and treats like a regular person. This only sparks his interest more and gives him the desire to get closer to Darling, wanting to figure them out. It's during this push and pull that he falls in love, getting off the challenge of seducing someone that isn't easily impressed.

Chan needs more time to actually develop these feelings. Opposite to Hyunjin, he doesn't let appareances sway him, but he can apreaciate beauty when he sees it. It's only when he gets to know Darling on a personal level that he starts to fall. He doesn't waste time in making his move on them, but he also notices he's not the only one..

When they discover they're both after the same Darling, there's an inmediate shift on their relationship. There'll only be two outcomes: Their friendship is broken because their yandereism surpasses any friendship and other emotional bonds outside their love interest, or they make a reluctant alliance for their sake of said friendship but filled with tension. They're both extremely possessive and controlling, so they have trouble sharing, but they might find a common ground in wanting to protect that person and prefering to see them with the other rather than someone else. This latter means they'll plan together and tag team to keep you for themselves, which is actually way worse than if they fought against each other, since that'll at least distract them.

Basically, if these two are infatuated with a person, they lose any renmant of independence and freedom. Darling is locked with them, totally forbidden of going out without them. Literally, Darling is never alone. One is always beside them, clingy as they are. They're too possessive to let her stray too far, god forbid someone looks at them for too long. They have the last word on every single aspect of Darling's life. They'll eventually become a compliant doll, only there to follow their wishes and please them. Forget any friendships and relatives, Darling belongs to them now, in body and soul. Hyunjin punishes Darling for interacting with other people without their consent, while Christopher easily intimidates anyone to stay away from Darling or straight up gets rid of them.

No phone, no going out, Darling can't even dress by themselves. They become less of a human being and more like a pet. If they speak, it can only be things they want to hear and never something remotely negative. Hyunjin is prone to be dellusional, in the way that he can dellude himself into believing this is a perfect romance and Darling is truly in love, but Christopher is more realistic and is aware that this is all wrong. He just doesn't care as long as he can keep Darling in his grasp and only for his eyes.

In short, as much as I love these men, I won't wish be in this position for my worst enemy.

[carolmunson]

‘weird couple be weird and have a painful complicated love story’

a love story? she’s a child…

i'll answer this only because i have thoughts. firstly, i'm not out here advocating for 30 year olds to be in relationships or sleeping with 18 year olds. i'm 31 myself and the thought involved romantically with a teenager makes me want to gag. i'm even not totally comfortable with 18 year olds reading my content or interacting with it. however, what i'm excited about is a film being made that examines the intensity and detriment of infatuationships based on trauma and trauma bonding. i haven't seen the film, but from what i've read -- they're connection is not so much based on michael wanting to be with maria because she's a teenager, but because they both have trauma that mirrors each other and that creates a bond and visceral understanding of each other that isn't healthy but feels right and wrong at the same time. it's not healthy or good but it's intense. their age gap seems to be the LEAST of the fucked up things about their bond. i'm looking forward to the weird visceral visuals that sort of physically depict the discomfort of trauma and mentall ilness and how those things feel inside and bringing them outside. i'm someone who has been in a relationship like that (and i was younger than maria when it started, my partner wasn't 30 but he had a lot more life experience than i had due to his own trauama despite being 17, i was 15 and lost my virginity to him) and i weirdly feel like the movie will be healing for me and so yes, i'm looking forward to a short lived burst of a complicated shitty 'love story' (which is probably not the right word to use to describe it) based solely off infatuation and the desperate need to feel understood. i dont think enough art depicts relationships that are unusual and morally gray and emotionally volatile and unhealthy and gritty -- not everything in the world makes sense or is perfect or is morally good. and again, i haven't seen the movie. my thoughts could change once i see it. but if you're wondering, no, i don't think michael is a hot sexy character and i don't think they should be together. i don't think them being together is romantic or something to aspire to. no matter what happens, they are, one: both obviously not emotionally or mentally well, and two: they will never be on the same page of their lives. despite how emotionally stunted michael might be. if maria was my sister and was like 'i'm seeing this 30 year old' i would swiftly direct her in a different direction. but i think that it's a story that is worth telling and i'm really looking forward to getting to watch it and analyze it. and of course see jq be someone other than eddie munson. i don't plan on writing fics for hoard or about michael only because it seems like his character is way more emotionally heavy than i'd like to write for or explore. he's not a good guy, he's not someone that interests me beyond a complex character in a movie i want to see.

[awalkoflife]

sometimes i'm totally fine and then i'll think about india's reaction to felix's death.

this is purely based on my own headcanons and my interpretation of india as a character so feel free to disengage entirely, i just needed to write it down. i think that india and felix were close friends before they ever became lovers. there isn't a lot of evidence to back this up but there is a level of comfort and familiarity and consistency with the two of them that would suggest they have a bond that extends beyond just mere sexual intimacy and attraction. she respects him for who he is, for his quirks and charms and yes, even his flaws. she understands him, can relate to him, is aware of the pressure and the pedestal that he's been placed upon.

india was the girl born into privilege, who was given everything from a young age not only because she was wealthy but because she was beautiful. i think she shared this burden with felix --- both of them yearned for a deeper connection, to find a sense of clarity and purpose. she is spoiled and entitled and a princess in every sense of the word but she isn't cruel. her heart is easily bruised and although defiant in nature, she craves the idealisation of belonging. she never wanted to solely belong to a world of materialistic aristocracy, she wanted to belong to him. to experience genuine love with someone who knew what it was already like to have everything else in the world handed to you on a silver platter. she wanted the kind of love with felix that wasn't easily obtained. true love. the kind of love money or privilege or status couldn't buy. something that would forever be just theirs.

the night of felix's death, i don't think it was their first rendezvous in the maze. yes, they were a little drunk and intoxicated but they were also giddy and laughing and holding hands. they knew what they were about to get up to and they were revelling in it together. that sense of familiarity is echoed in this scene; with each other, with the location, with the utter excitement both are experiencing as a result. there's also something to be noted about the way that they escaped together. they wanted to be alone, to detach themselves from the suffocating confines of oliver's party inside of the saltburn estate. it wasn't just about sex for them. it was about being alone, just the two of them, in their own private domain where they could give each other pleasure and intimacy and a taste of the connection they were craving. to me, this decision on their part made a statement: it wasn't just a quickie, it hinted a lot more about the precious, sacred nature of their relationship.

although not included in the canon event of the movie, there's an alternate reality where my portrayal of india would have gone up to felix's bed and slept there the night of the party. she would have waited on him even though they were interrupted, fallen asleep and would have woken the following morning to her worst nightmare come true. grief, up until that day, was a foreign concept to india --- a girl who had never lost anything of importance. while she worshipped felix the same way that everyone else did, it wasn't as straight forward as simple infatuation. in truth, it didn't start out that way for her. india first fell in love with felix while they were friends, before they ever became lovers. she loved him for the man that he was. the vivacious, fun, gorgeous, silly, wondrous creation. he was a dear friend first and foremost, someone who she wanted to protect, to cherish and to hopefully be with in the end. the loss of felix in her life represented more than just the loss of love. it stole away a part of herself that she'll never be able to retain, a part of herself that he awakened within her. she'll never forgive herself for leaving him in the maze and for not going back to check on him. life, inevitably, is never the same without felix river catton.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hello! I was wondering if you could recommend any fics where Stiles and Derek are friends when they are young? I need some pure innocent fluff right now. Thank you! :)

I can totally provide that for you!

The Things We See by MelodramaticSalad

(1/1 I 5,032 I Teen)

Stiles grew up in the life of knowing that there was always more to life than what others saw with a first glance. Even as a child he saw things that no one else seemed to and always had a fascination with the unusual.

Some considered him an unusual child, but Claudia welcomed every single quirk her son displayed. His mother had a few special talents of her own and thrilled her to see it in her son as well. She'd raised Stiles to always keep his mind open and as grew and started to display his powers, she began to teach him how to use them. She even taught Stiles about werewolves at a young age, his infatuation with them growing once he had learned the truth about her closest friend.

Stiles spent nearly every possible moment that he could roaming the Hale house, following after the middle child most of the time. Derek was three years older than Stiles, but the bond they developed with each other was something their mothers considered out of a story book. Like Derek, Stiles was sensitive to his emotions, but unlike Derek, Stiles didn't need a scent to figure it out. He could feel it.

It's Always Been You by Giveemhale

(1/1 I 5,018 I Not Rated)

4 times Stiles gave Derek a valentine and 1 time Derek decided to return the favor.

They Don't Know How Long It Takes (Waiting For a Love Like This) by crossroadswrite 

(1/1 I 6,986 I Teen)

Everyone knows that soulmates have a 86% rate of successful marriages, but everyone also knows that for you to find your soulmate you'll need an incredible amount of luck and to go through the hardest, most marking moment of your life for the bond to kick in and call them to you.

If you're a werewolf, then you won't need to wait that long. Some people will say you just know, others will call bullshit.

Derek is four when he meets his soulmate and he doesn't know because no one will tell him. Not until he's older. And it'll be a bit of an unprecedent case given that he met his soulmate even before he was born.

Growing Up With You by WhereAreTheBreaks

(18/18 I 22,716 I Teen)

It all started with a strange scent in the grocery store, and now Derek can't imagine his life without the hyperactive little shit that is Stiles Stilinski. He didn't know why he always felt the need to be close to the boy but his mom's knowing looks certainly weren't helping.

We're Like Milo and Otis by tabbytabbytabby

(7/7 I 27,772 I Teen)

Stiles and Derek meet each other before they can even talk. With Claudia being the Hale family Emissary, Stiles spends most of his time with the Hales. Stiles and Derek are immediately inseparable. Stiles learns early on that his magic reacts to Derek more than anyone else and because of that he is able to shift into a fox and go on adventures with Derek. Those adventures aren't always safe but one thing is certain, they'll always look out for each other.

Mischief and Chaos by GoldenDaydreams

(17/17 I 60,856 I Mature)

The Stilinski twins are not twins.

One is the child of Claudia and Noah Stilinski. The other is a changeling.

The pack has until the boys turn eighteen to figure out which is which while the changeling causes chaos along the way.

[noellawrites]

Yandere Tory Nichols Headcanons

requested by @kjlewis21

note: I made it a female reader but there’s really only one part that mentions gender so anyone can read it!

- you start off as friends, meeting each other at Cobra Kai practice (back when Johnny was in charge)

- you bonded over being the only females in Cobra Kai and hating Sam Larusso

- you invited her over a lot because she always seemed to shy away from the subject of her home life

- until one day, she asks you to come over after practice

- you’d been friends for about a month and you were totally taken by surprise

- you saw the reality of how she was living and vowed to help her in any way you could

- she begged you to come work with her as a party entertainer

- you accepted, as the job market was bad and they were offering above minimum wage

- through the months, you grew even closer to Tory, but still had no idea what she thought about you and your friendship

- she was fully and completely in love with you

- the kindness, generosity and love you had shown her made her infatuated

- you two grew even closer, closer than friends normally are

- you would drink stolen alcohol, laughing about people you hated and always ending up cuddling at the end of the night

- she made her move on you one night when you were drunk, both laying in your bed

- she looked deep into your eyes and even though you were drunk, you still remember it fully. she leaned in and kissed you passionately on the lips

- you sunk into the kiss, drunk and overwhelmed and a little horny tbh

- you regretted everything once you woke up the next morning

- Tory, however, was already calling you her girlfriend

- only then did you start to realize that she’d been obsessed with you all along

- and she had you where she wanted you: your lives were intertwined

- you felt like such an idiot— how could you not tell?

- you worked together, went to practice together, spent your time not practicing together, skipped school together and got drunk together

- she had you wrapped around her finger from day one, and you were still caught in her web

[ohifonlyx33]

Okay, I need to talk about Jancy/Stancy because it's driving me crazy.

I usually have a clear choice in a love triangle. Often it's dictated by narrative, chemistry, and/or specific tropes. But I'm at a loss here. There is no clear choice.

First a look at STANCY:

In one sense Steve/Nancy was set up as first love, which I adore.... but they tried to frame it as maybe not being the most fulfilling relationship... with their emotional needs not being met, mostly due to trauma or lack of development or naivete.

Steve was also framed as an obstacle for Jonathan. While Barb saw Nancy's crush on Steve as a silly, vain infatuation because Nancy would change around Steve. Nonetheless, they had cute moments and good chemistry. With Steve being always ready to protect Nancy, and eventually coming around to learn from his mistakes while Nancy pushes him away out of guilt and grief... I actually started to sympathize with Steve. Most importantly, they've also both grown as characters...

But even with his expanded role as babysitter, even as he became a fan favourite, it really does still feel like his character was made as a love interest for Nancy. His character was literally written into the show and given relevance because of her. He was first made aware of what was going on in Hawkins and learned about the Upside Down BECAUSE of her. So after he and Nancy broke up, he is still fundamentally seen as a romantic lead. I feel like he needs someone. Given that they put a nail in the Robin/Steve casket right away, it looks like there's really no one else he's interested in, which means Nancy, the female romantic lead among the older kids, is the one for him. He never really got over her anyway.

Now I'm lowkey rooting for Steve just as a character to be happy, and it seems like Nancy is the answer... or at least he still believes she is. But even though they've both grown, it might be too late for them (especially if they write them together without enough time to transition). And we have to ask... Does Nancy really want to let herself rekindle those old feelings, when she called it bs and wouldn't even tell Steve she loved him by the end of their relationship? Does she really want the same life Steve wants (I'm assuming the 6 kids doesn't have to be literally 6 kids)? We've really only ever seen them in a relationship as it was falling apart.

Season 4 tried to hint at a possible rekindling, and the chemistry and tension was interesting to watch... But they also have to give Jancy some type of confrontation or admission of a breakup. And the show still hasn't done enough to show what Nancy thinks about that.

Then there's JANCY:

Jonathan was set up as an underdog. I LOVE when the underdog gets the girl instead of the guy who is no good for her. Except Steve wasn't totally the bad guy everyone thought he was. And right out of the gate, Jonathan was pretty much creeping on Nancy. So I didn't immediately root for him because I didn't like s1 Jonathan any better than s1 Steve...

Meanwhile Jonathan's character was also pretty weak and passive. Not necessarily bad traits for a character... especially if the character has other strengths or finds strength in other ways or is forced to rise to meet challenges. He did rise in relation to Will, for the most part. And as he also showed understanding and kindness toward Nancy, slowly I could understand why Nancy might choose him. He seemed safe and reassuring. And although it still felt a little weird, I came around to accepting that he and Nancy were good to each other, and that they had trauma bonded... but I never quite felt like they had as much chemistry.

However, where Steve and Nancy might have had more chemistry, Jonathan and Nancy had the writing on their side. I won't say it was 100% good (compelling) writing. I found some of it rather boring and less than memorable... but it was supportive of them as a couple. Some of it was actually quite sweet and soft and seemed to reinforce that Jancy was supposed to be endgame. But I still never felt super invested in them. Jonathan never quite felt like a romantic lead and never stopped feeling like a loner.

And in later seasons Nancy seems to be moving forward with goals and determination. And Jonathan seems stuck and indecisive. Thwy seem like a fairly grounded couple,, but he seems like the kind of guy she was so scared of getting stuck with... I don't know if that's the type of guy Nancy wants or needs.

I know Jonathan wants Nancy to be happy, but so does Steve. So that's where I'm stuck. Who will make Nancy happier as things stand? Does the narrative really want to retry Stancy now that they are both better people? Can that work? Is Jancy really just going to drift apart just because of college and long-distance and lack of open communication in one instance? Does Nancy really want the passive pothead with no clear dreams or the idiot jock who dreams about having a family with her? She was scared of having a relationship like her parents, full of boredom and resentment... The question is will she be bored with Jonathan or come to resent a family with Steve? Will she decide that a nice quiet life with Jonathan (who may or may not also want kids) sounds good after all the trauma? Will she decide that having a family is actually an adventure she wants in her life?

I can see both options working and failing.

[starbornsinger]

Elriel/Gwynriel/Elucien Theory Time :)

Ok so in regards to the Az POV chapter, I have some thoughts. This is super long and detailed and also tearing down ships, so uh, beware.

⚠️ACOSF spoilers (duh)⚠️

So I was re-reading the thing and as I was reading the conversation between Az and Rhys, it kind of hit me. I used to be an Elriel shipper until ACOSF, and I was really all for it.

But I don't think they're in love.

See, earlier in the chapter, Az is thinking about how jealous he is of the other couples. We know he isn't very lucky in love, and seeing Elain and her mate and their mating bond upsets him. I think he fancies Elain because she's beautiful and sweet, but I don't think he's in love with her. I think she's another thing he can't have, and he feels frustrated and it only makes him want her more. Because he thinks, why shouldn't he have her? Why is the Mother so cruel as to deny him love? And he thinks, "well all my other brothers have Archeron mates, why don't I? It must be a mistake!"

I think what Azriel's biggest issue is though, is that he wants love so bad, he's willing to risk it all for the first girl he feels attraction too. It also feels relevant that the primary thing we see in his POV is his physical attraction to her, his sexual attraction. We don't see much of how he thinks she's so sweet or so clever or so gentle, but instead how nice her tits are and how badly he wants to kiss and fuck her. I think he doesn't particularly want Elain, and while he likes her, I think what he really wants is love. True love, just like his brothers and friends. He thinks the Mother must be wrong because they both got Archeron sisters while he didn't, and his attraction to Elain makes him wish they were Mates so he could finally have that true love that's entirely his own.

But she's not. And he can't. I think what Azriel wants most isn't Elain. He wants her sexually, and he admires her and has a crush on her, but the thing he focuses on and gives him the most emotion is that she has a Mate and he doesn't, and that everyone does but him. I think he wants someone like Elain and wants to feel happy, but I think he doesn't exactly want Elain. When he thinks of her, he doesn't seem to be truly in love as we've seen other SJM couples are. And sure, it's early, but it's also been like— 2 years. I don't think they're in love sadly, I think Azriel just wants to move on from Mor and finally find love. He has a type, and when he found someone who loosely fit into the mold of his ideal partner, he jumped at it because he's desperate to have someone love him. All his life, he's struggled with self-love and love from others, and I think that it's deeply affected his relationship with love itself.

Physical attraction and desire and interest isn't love. And the idea of her being mated already only makes him mad— that of course the first girl he likes for the first time in 500 years, of course the girl that could help him move on from Mor, is mated. I think that only makes him feel more passionate towards her; and Rhys notes how he seems to think he has a claim to her, when he doesn't. It makes Az angry, not because Rhysand thinks he's being possessive and reckless, but because it's true. He genuinely can't have her.

As for Elain, I think she's far too hesitant to be with him. She reminds me of Daisy in The Great Gatsby, and how she claims to love Jay but she won't leave Tom, or jilt him. Now this is a different situation, because Daisy was selfish and didn't want to give up her comforts and stability and fame. Elain, on the other hand, doesn't seem ready to have a serious relationship with Az. I think she is still severely affected by Graysen's rejection, and is still clearly not over him. I don't think she's ready to accept Az fully and be with him, and I also don't think she's ready to reject her mating bond with Lucien.

I don't know 100% what's going on with Elain, but what I do know is that clearly she is intrigued by Lucien in some capacity. Ok Elriel shippers, don't come for me, but there are several scenes in which Elain seems to want to talk to Lucien, or whatever the heck. But also seems disinterested, like when she dismisses his Solstice gifts and doesn't speak to him.

However, I don't think she's resentful towards him exactly, or at least that isn't the main reason she's like this. While we know he was helping Tamlin lowkey, Feyre and the IC all understood he was on their side, and was their friend. So it seems kind of odd to still bear a grudge against him, but who knows.

But funnily enough, she has yet to reject their mating bond. If she's so disinterested, or hates him so much, why hasn't she turned him down? Mother, she's barely spoken to him at all. I think the obvious reason behind her disdain or distancing from Lucien is her connection to Graysen and her human life. Of all the sisters, Elain has not yet adapted to or accepted that she is Fae— or if she has, she's sure as hell not happy about it. Even Nesta in ACOSF mentioned how she actually likes her ears now, and we know Feyre has totally accepted being Fae. But with Elain, she had the most human connected life of them all, and to have it taken away from her is shitty.

For Elain, her happiness seems to come from a love of gardening, of family, of people. She has very little human things to hold onto, and adding a Mating bond to the mix right as she's made Fae is like she's had all her humanity stripped. She doesn't hate Lucien, she hates the bond. She dislikes that it's chained her to someone and taken away her choices, which we know is a big deal for the sisters after being imprisoned, kidnapped, and Made. I think Elriel is an infatuation, because even though she doesn't love Az, he's helping her rebound from Graysen (and giving her control and power over her love life). He's a choice she (can't really) make, but a choice nonetheless. With Lucien, she feels she has no choice with him, and no control over her obvious attraction I say obvious because mates have a primal attraction of some level to each other , and is probably afraid that accepting the Mating bond will remove any last connections she has to who she used to be, and the human she feels she really is.

But she also hasn't rejected it, because I think she realizes that Lucien is a genuine and kind and hot guy, and that rejecting him would be a stupid idea. He's been very patient and very kind and accepting, and has always given her the freedom of choice when it comes to the bond. I think Lucien is the kind of guy that would be very easy to fall in love with, and I think Elain sees that and knows it.

Also, I think with ACOSF, it feels relevant that Cassian pointed out specifically how Elain looked beautiful in black at the ball, but it looked horribly wrong on her. With SJM the devil is always in the details, and I think it was a clearly accentuated bit of symbolism. Although Elain looks beautiful, the black dress wasn't for her. And although Elriel is very sweet, it won't work out. She won't thrive in the Night Court, or with Azriel. Az doesn't challenge her or meet her as an equal (like all other SJM ships), and they don't push each other to be better or to accept themselves or whatever etc etc.

And I really used to like Elriel, but I think that surprisingly, Elain will be the one who says "stop, I can't do this" to Az. I think she knows she isn't ready, and I think she knows they aren't meant to be. Even if a Mating bond was put in place between her and Lucien, I still think their relationship wouldn't work because they're both too insecure, too closed off, too non-communicative, and too stagnant together to be a healthy or good match. I think with Elain they would struggle to understand each other even if they were fond of each other and can relate on some level, but at its rawest form I think they won't truly be able to be themselves with each other.

With Elain, Azriel's shadows— a key part of him— disappear. While I initially thought, awww that's so cute, she's a light in his life, I soon realized I was wrong. Az's shadows are not just a part of him, they're an extension of him, of his will and subconscious and emotions. So Elain chasing them away, while chasing away the shadows and darkness seems cute, isn't a good thing. Most of the time with shadows, we think "ew bad!" Because they have an inherent connotation of negativity or sorrow or depression or darkness etc etc. And while this is partially true, Azriel's shadows and darkness are a part of him. His sadness and struggles are a part of him. And his shadows aren't just representative of that, they're also a representation of how he overcame his abuse and turned that fire (pun unintended) and anger and trauma into something beautiful and powerful and a weapon. I think they can serve as an armor and a shield, and while that's not good, I also don't think they should fully disappear.

More on that: with Azriel's shadows, we know they're a part of him, right? So I think an important part of self is self-regulation. Rather than be consumed entirely by shadow, or totally exposed to the light, I think he just needs his shadows to be calm and present, but not controlling or hiding. I think the whole "Elain bringing him out of the shadows" bit sounds cute at first, but then you have to think of it like this. In order to be with Elain, he would have to change. He couldn't be a spy or a shadowsinger or a torturer, and he couldn't be dark and introverted. With her, he has to push that aside. Those are key parts of him, key parts that would have a big impact on their relationship. Elain can't be with someone with so much blood on their hands or a history of violence or darkness. We know that, because we know that sort of thing upsets her and she doesn't like it.

Azriel can't just be himself with her, he has to become someone else. And while he's attracted enough to not care, after awhile, that grows exhausting. Being in love and not being your true self, all of it, is exhausting. And while some might argue "why can't he be his true self?!" well my slime, I think we both know that even if we wanted him to, Elain would be silently resigned about it. I don't think— no, I know— Elain can't be with someone like Azriel. Even if they have feelings, even if they have lust or affection, it isn't love. They aren't in love, and they won't work out no matter how much we want it to.

Onto Elain: with Elain, this all ties back to what Cassian said in Hewn City. She looks beautiful in black, but it's wholly wrong for her. The Night Court is wrong for her, and darkness is wrong for her. While some yin-yang relationship tropes can work very well, I don't think this will. She doesn't like the darkness or accept it, and she doesn't want to be a part of it. I think the Night Court is good and happy for her when she makes her own little garden world, and only then, really. It's like living in the middle of the desert and only thinking of the beach: it's not the right place for her.

I think the Spring Court needs her, and I think she needs it. Here's more on that.

So we've seen the set up and execution of the fall of the Spring Court. We know that it's in shambles and is weak and needs a new/better leader than Tampon. I feel like SJM is setting things up for a new book focused in the Spring Court, because in a lot of ways, it's becoming the centerpiece for action in Prythian (aside from the Night Court). I genuinely believe that as Tamlin's second, Lucien will take over the Spring Court as High Lord. He doesn't fit in with Autumn, didn't fit in with Night, and wasn't really a part of Spring. But with Spring, it was where he was happy, where he felt safe, and the home he chose. Chosen homes and chosen families are a big deal for SJM, and I think that Lucien will return to the Spring Court to try and help it, because Mother knows it needs it. I think Elain belongs there, not only because she needs to be in an environment suited to her, but because she needs to heal.

We've seen a theme of helping others heal in order to heal ourselves, and I think a good book idea (and what I think an Elain book would be about), is healing the Spring Court and helping it. Elain is a gardener. She wants to see things grow and blossom, wants to get her hands dirty and dig in! But she can't do that in the NC. I think she needs something new and fresh and blossoming that she can help and tend to, and I think the person that can be at her side for that is Lucien. I think with Azriel, she can't see growth and life and flowers. He's a different kind of person, far too different, and the two wouldn't mesh well. Elain isn't like Persephone and Azriel isn't like Hades; although she's flowers and he's death and they're attracted to each other, they don't fully accept those roles and cross into each other's. Elain could never be a killer or someone who wears black or thrives in a darker place, and Azriel couldn't be someone who is in the full heat of the light and wear bright colors and be cheerful and flowery. In a dream world, yes, but I think in this one, no. SJM loves to create realistic relationships and realistic relationship conflict, and I think we'll see this here. Even though they want it to work, and in theory it should, it won't. I think they know it too. Azriel's shadows vanish when she's around, and Elain struggles to feel comfortable in the darkness and Night Court, and fit in with the others in the black dress that is wholly un-Elain.

I also think that this relationship doesn't bring development to the table. The forbidden love concept is adorable and a trope I love, but this love isn't one that will push them to grow. Azriel can feel loved and happy, but can he feel fully accepted? Can he stop being ashamed of his shadows, of his violence? Of who he is? Can Elain break out of her shelf and be more assertive, and truly grow and change? Can she be herself and be happy? The answer is a sad no. Their relationship is sweet and cute, but it won't truly work. I genuinely believe Lucien is a better match for Elain, and while the Cauldron isn't always right (like Rhysand's parents), it usually is. If he isn't, then I'm all for independent Elain.

Now onto the moment you've all been waiting for: who should Az be with?

Gwyn. :)

[antpernas]

Just thought I'd type this out before bed (doing it from my phone which is annoying)

I went out today after being in bed until about 1:30 PM, and getting out of the house helped me feel better. A lot better actually. I really started reflecting on the situation and I'm feeling better. Mostly because I'm acknowledging where my mistakes were, and what I'm going to change going forward.

It really comes down to drawing boundaries early on. If I *know* myself to be someone who becomes attached quickly, as someone who seeks companionship and will cling to anyone who I see potential with, I need to take steps early on to prevent myself from becoming infatuated. Specifically, no lovey-dovey stuff until I'm officially in a relationship.

That's where the issue really lies; in having these sporadic romances right off the bat, I jump to the conclusion that there is this mutual attraction and mutual objective, and I internally start to form expectations for the other party who probably was just here to enjoy themselves and nothing more. And this is what really hit me when I was reflecting; you can't hold on so tight. Those expectations (or maybe "hopes" is a better word) I formed were my way of holding on to these people in hopes that it would keep them from leaving. But the harder I hold on, the harder it is for them to stay. And I become responsible for pushing them away myself.

So I just need to not fall in love in the first place. No cuddling with new strangers, no single date taking multiple hours of your day, no sex, and none of these things ESPECIALLY if they're cute. Buffer out your interactions so you don't become infatuated so soon. Form that bond without expecting anything out of them, no matter how far along into knowing each other we are. Getting off the apps and meeting people organically will help me a lot. I'm realizing that this has probably been the problem all along.

I'm realizing too that that's been the difference between why I feel so abandoned by these fleeting lovers and not my friends who I only speak to every couple of months. Even when I'm the one who's always reaching out, it never bothered me. I've never expected anything out of my friends, so I've never been hurt by them. I truly just love them for them and am happy to be a part of their lives at all.

I'm accepting this. And I'm going to make a conscious effort going forward to keep it from happening again. I still love Taurus deeply, and thinking about all this just makes me want to apologize to him even more. But I can't keep burdening him with these feelings he doesn't reciprocate. I'm accepting that we're just friends, and that's beautiful in its own way. It still hurts my heart when we text, but that's okay too. It just needs time to heal. I won't be texting him so much anyway; putting in that buffer and whatnot.

I've signed up for therapy through my job and through my school. I'm going to be attending group sessions and individual counseling sessions. Honestly, I don't think I *need* it now, I'm just sad about being rejected and like every other time it will pass. Especially with this realization, I already know what I need to do going forward. But I've been wanting to go back to therapy for a while, even before any of this happened. I think it's important even if you're totally fine and content with life. It'll be good for me.

Anyway, that's that. Now the rest of the stuff that's stressing me out is what I need to focus on. I'll get around to journaling about that stuff these next few days. I'll get the routine back up.

[thehaitanis]

𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔞 𝔡𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔫𝔢𝔯: 𝔟𝔞𝔧𝔦 𝔨𝔢𝔦𝔰𝔲𝔨𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔨𝔞𝔷𝔲𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔞 𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔢𝔪𝔦𝔶𝔞.

❮★❯ summary: how will baji keisuke and kazutora hanemiya be with a deliquent partner?

❮★❯ warnings: none, maybe bad writing but nothing new.

❮★❯ disclaimer: english is not my first language, so forgive me for any mistakes.

as the vice president of your gang, it is completely obvious that your abilities are by no means superior to most of your members, so it isn’t strange to see you going all out in fights against many of your rivals and what a great way to show your skills to your members than going against baji keisuke himself? the first commander of toman would end up whipped for you the moment you kick his ass without even breaking a sweat. it is almost love at first sight according to him and no, he won’t accept any other explanation.

baji would definitely be impressed with you and your abilities, the way you would so casually inspire fear in every delinquent in tokyo makes him only more entranced with the idea of getting to know more of you. he would go as far as to drag chifuyu into his plans with the excuse of this being a serious matter.

after chifuyu finally agrees to help him, they would ask around other gangs in hopes of getting more information about you, asking here and there just so they can get to know more about your past and the reason why you’re so good at fighting.

it takes a few more days than what he planned, but after he finally finds you, baji would try to get close to you, convincing mikey to make an alliance with your gang so you are obliged to see each other every now and then. baji would play smart here because even if your personality is different from his, he still wants to show himself in front of you, flexing on his talents to impress you. however, all his attempts would be futile because you probably already saw everything he can do but please, try to act as if you’re impressed by his strength, it’s for the sake of your future relationship and his already damaged ego.

after you two become a couple you can be 100% sure that baji is proud to call you his partner, this man never passes on the opportunity to brag about you and your power to everyone in toman, annoying the hell out of draken and mitsuya everytime you or your gang are mentioned.

kazutora saw you for the first time the moment you decided to step in and help him in a fight he was totally losing according to you and everyone else, he was being beaten to death. he got into a fight with more guys that he could deal with and just when everything seemed lost, your kick to the delinquent’s face appeared like a miracle from heaven. the way you so effortlessly won the fight left kazutora in awe. he couldn’t recognize your uniform but your eyes were so bright and full of life that it was impossible for him not to remember them.

he saw you again a few days after that. your gang recently moved to tokyo and to be able to stand among all the other important ones you all had to prove you deserved the right, so that’s when you began fighting other gangs, gaining more and more status until a territory was assigned to you. the guys in toman watched your every step, all of them being especially interested in your abilities as the leader and as the biggest threat to them. were you going to turn against them? kazutora hoped you wouldn’t, his interest in you already being a very big infatuation.

he was definitely impressed with you and the way you managed to lead so many people. he desired to be close to you and to be able to get you to see him as something more than a simple guy, so even if it took him a lot to get you interested in him, kazutora finally achieved his objective.

as a couple you both were incredibly strong. there wasn't anyone that could compare with the bond you shared and the way you fighted together was the plus everyone needed to confirm you and your boyfriend were unstoppable.

when you’re together on dates you both try to not talk about your gangs because even if they both are allies, you’re also rivals and that means that sooner or later one of the two would have to lose against the other. it is nice to pretend you’re both normal teenagers, walking hand in hand throw the park and talking about everything you find interesting enough.

❮★❯ requests are: closed!

[justalarryblog]

🌺 Hometown by @allwaswell16 (2k) | Not Rated

On the day Harry gets his driver’s licence, he drives through the suburbs, heartbroken that he can’t drive home to Louis.

🌺 evergreen, evermore by @docklands/@hershelsue (2k) | General Audiences

The year is 1979. Their entire lives, Harry and Louis have lived in Chichester, home to the best watermelons in the world. An unruffled life in the country has always served their long term friendship well. It all shifts when Harry has to move away to a bigger city due to his mother's job, albeit his love for his hometown and for Louis. It's even harsher when the moving truck leaves on his birthday, of all days. When all seems lost, Louis ends up having to pull some strings to ease the pain in Harry's heart.

🌺 We are the same, you run in my veins by @vintageumbroshirt (4k) | General Audiences

When the time for Louis to become the Alpha leader of his pack comes, he can’t rise to the occasion for not being yet bonded. A series of trips to neighbouring packs in search of his soulmate is fruitless until he meets one of the other packs’ Alpha heir.

Harry.

The world seems to stop turning for a second and then it shifts, clicking into its axis. All the distress and wrongness he felt until that very moment suddenly disappears. Louis is finally whole.

But two Alpha leaders from different tribes soulbonding is something unheard of before.

Series

Part 1 of Alpha/Alpha Soulmates AU

🌺 falling again by @cheekbonetojawbone (7k) | Mature

When Harry wakes up after another blacked out night to find a cold bed and a partially empty closet, his whole word come collapsing down around him, because his whole world has left.

🌺 Constant Debauchery by @SirTranscelot (19k) | Explicit

When Harry speaks, it’s with a cloud of smoke spilling out across Louis’s ear, cheek, and neck. “I’m glad I’m not the only alpha who’s not an idiot.”

Louis forces his smile to stay on his face as Harry stands up and follows the boys as they pick up their things and start walking, but he’s shaken to the core, even though he shouldn’t be. For so many reasons, he shouldn’t be. But this is the moment that he realizes what he’s known, on some level—what he has smelled—all night. Harry is an alpha.

It’s also the moment that he realizes he’s disappointed that it’s the truth.

or,

Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings.

Series

Part 1 of Constant Debauchery

🌺 Love Like Wildfire by @whatevertearsyou/perfectdagger (sincerelyste) (21k) | Explicit

Louis was looking a little too fondly at the girl and Harry couldn’t help but smile at that. He knew Louis was pissed at him for having part on that prank, but still, it was Louis, acting like the protective and responsible Prefect everyone kinda loved and hated at the same time.

Harry loved that. Loved Louis. More than anything in his life. He knew Louis was only doing his job, Harry had heard that more times than he would’ve liked to before and even if he was supposed to be the one to have control over Louis now, it didn’t mean he didn’t like to see his mate in action as a Prefect, bossing people around and sometimes even trying to boss Harry. That was what made their relationship more fun and interesting and Harry loved to play with that.

Louis was an Omega and a Prefect. Harry was an Alpha and a little rascal. They were mates, drawn to each other since they first met in the Hogwarts Express. They worked well like that, or at least they tried, which only made their relationship way more interesting.

🌺 Friday I'm in Love by @whatevertearsyou/perfectdagger (sincerelyste) (29k) | Mature

It has a pattern, Harry has noticed.

It’s not that he has been observing the guy who regularly comes to the coffee shop for the past few weeks; but he totally has.

It’s also not Harry’s fault that he’s infatuated with the guy who apparently follows a very repetitive schedule.

Or the one where Harry works at the coffee shop and Louis goes there almost every day and Harry is head over heels for him, making his love life look like a The Cure song.

Inspired by Friday I’m in Love by The Cure (obviously).

🌺 Until by @allwaswell16 (38k) | Explicit

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

Featuring amazing art from missytearex

Part 1 of Until

🌺 The Sweetest Incantation by @smittenwithlouis (40k) | Explicit

Harry has been alive for decades, and yet he's never been as confused and dumbfounded. He's a witch, for God's sake. Can't get much weirder than all the magical things he's experienced throughout his lifetime. Never in a million years, however, would he have expected to be mere inches away from a hybrid.

Or: Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down.

🌺 Give Me Truths by @iwillpaintasongforlou (110k) | Explicit

'Just like a little cat,' Louis thought later, as he drifted off to sleep. 'A little kitten with his claws sunk right into me.' It isn’t that terrible of a thought, after all.

.............

Louis is a psychology student with a tattoo count as high as his genius IQ. Harry is in a (sort-of) relationship with a homophobic man and hates himself a little more every day. Things fall apart and Louis puts him back together.

Or, the one in which Louis falls in love with a fragile boy and tells him every beautiful truth in the world, as long as it makes him happy.

Part 1 of The Rainbow Cookie

🗓️ January Fic Rec 🗓️ February Fic Rec 🗓️ March Fic Rec 🗓️ April Fic Rec

Here is my tag for my Monthly Fic Rec and here is my fic tags! 💖

[tsugarubecker]

Rewatching Love, Victor season 2 and all I can think as I’m watching is that Benji is cooonstantly putting his own feelings aside and instead striving to put himself in Victor’s shoes and empathize with Victor. Victor, for his part, gladly takes that from Benji and then proceeds to fail to put himself in Benji’s shoes in return. (We’ll leave Benji’s issue with conflict avoidance/not stating what he wants aside for a second but we’ll get to that shortly.)

Long-ass post, prepare yourself :P

Example exchange: in ep 6 after Isabel is so nice to Rahim and Benji fails to be #stoked about it, Benji comes up to Victor at the coffee shop the next day and says something like hey, sorry I wasn’t supportive when you were so excited that your mom was being nice to Rahim. And Victor just goes thanks for saying so yeah she was really being nice to him and I think we made some real progress yesterday!

Like. Okay. rewind noises

Let’s do that whole exchange over again but in the way a healthy couple would, shall we?

Benji: Hey Victor. I’m sorry I wasn’t supportive yesterday when you were excited about your mom. I know you wanted me to be excited with you. Can I tell you a little bit about my own feelings around your mom?

Victor: of course you can.

Benji: Okay. To be honest, I feel really hurt when your mom gives me the cold shoulder. And that’s been something I’ve been dealing with for a while now. So, as much as I want to be supportive of you and excited for you when you see her seeming like she’s making some progress, it’s hard for me. Because it would hurt for me to get my hopes up that she’ll treat me better, only to be disappointed.

Victor: Damn. Wow. I’m so glad you told me how you feel about that. That makes a ton of sense. I would really like your support, because I love my mom and this whole thing with her is hard for me, but I understand now why it would be painful and complicated for you to get too excited. Now I get it. Thanks for telling me. I’ll keep that in mind when I bring it up to you from now on and we can navigate all of it together.

fast forward noises OOC cause I just wrote that as I thought about what I would say in a similar situation, but you get the idea.

Returning to Benji for a sec. I’m a cliiiiinically conflict avoidant person, and I recognize a lot of myself in Benji. He doesn’t want to take up space. He makes funny stories and jokes out of his trauma (strip club, crashing car into Wendys). He doesn’t stand up for himself even if he has a legitimate reason to be upset - he finds reasonable reasons to apologize for his part in the situation and tries to make amends. (Certainly not always a bad thing, just can definitely be a conflict avoidant thing.) I mean, we saw him behaving this way even in s1. Think about on their anniversary when Derek said “can we just go catch that show” and Benji said “you go ahead, I’ll catch up” instead of “hey, I know you don’t care about anniversaries but I do. This means a lot to me. I want to spend time together.”

So yeah, Benji has some serious issues with avoiding talking about his own feelings, standing up for himself, etc if it basically doesn’t “go with the flow” of what the other person is thinking or feeling. Conflict avoidant. He doesn’t want to rock the boat. I don’t know why, yet. I don’t think we as the audience know why at this point, but I hope the writers will get into it. Probably isn’t “because alcoholism” - rather, I think the alcoholism is another symptom of the same issue.

Victor, for his part (and I’ve touched on this in another post), probably has spent so much of his life being the fixer for his family that he kind of unconsciously latches on to people who will give him a break from that and take care of him (think Simon, for instance??? Lol). And he forgets that it’s not black or white, it’s not one or the other: care or be cared for. In a relationship it goes both ways. I really think he got this massive crush on Benji, put him on a pedestal, made him out to be perfect; almost saw him as kind of a savior. Someone who could come, sweep him up, and make everything okay. Fulfill all his fantasies. Victor doesn’t seem to see Benji as a real person yet. And he doesn’t seem to realize that he needs to proactively take care of Benji, not just let Benji keep taking care of him. That they need to meet each other halfway.

And speaking of avoidant people, Victor does seem to have a pattern with this behavior doesn’t he? Dates Mia -> not working out -> run to someone who is new and seems perfect. Dates Benji -> things are complicated and hard -> oh look a handsome boy who is wonderful in every way (runs to someone who is new and seems perfect) (and will fix all his problems). Boy needs to stop running off to the next person who’s gonna “fix all his problems”. He needs to invest in his current partner. He needs to invest in being the one to care about his partner, being the one to put in the effort. Not just being the one to be cared for. He needs to stop waiting for someone to come sweep him up and fix all his problems. It’s not realistic, Victor. Get yer shit together & learn how to be a better bf. For reals. Smh

That went off on a little tangent lol, but honestly, at the end of the day, none of this is really even either of these guys’ faults - yes Victor puts Benji on a pedestal and is just beginning to see him as a real person with complexity and flaws, but to be fair Benji basically did the same thing: put Victor on a pedestal. “I broke up with him. I just want to be with someone where I can be myself and that’s enough. That’s how you make me feel, Victor.” = a really similar pattern to what we’ve seen Victor do. Relationship failing, abandon ship for the shiny, new, and better-seeming option. I’m not saying that that’s always the wrong choice. I don’t think that it is. But I am saying that both Benji and Victor are experiencing something very natural: having big crushes, letting infatuation and rose-tinted glasses go to their head, and then experiencing whiplash when their partner isn’t perfect. Honestly I think we’ve all been there to some extent.

At least in s3, now that they’ve seen some low times and their rose-tinted glasses are off, they should get a chance to create a deeper bond if they choose to do that (I feel confident that they eventually will). Benji needs to own his conflict avoidance and start advocating for his wants, needs, and feelings. Victor needs to recognize that although Benji seemed like a dream boy and is way more experienced yada yada, he’s not there to save or take care of Victor - he’s just a person, who also needs to be taken care of sometimes, and Victor needs to meet him halfway in their relationship and do that for him. They need to be able to exchange care as equals.

There I fixed their whole relationship you’re welcome afhffjhgfgjfgjg

(…….oh god I just realized how the writers are gonna have Victor figure out that sometimes he needs to take care of Benji too, and it’s totally gonna be bc Benji relapses with alcohol. Probably. Sounds like a TV-show move, doesn’t it?)

[freddyfreebat]

Jack Dylan Grazer Discovers Who He Is in Luca Guadagnino's “We Are Who We Are”

After supporting roles in the It and Shazam!, the young actor shifts gears with his turn as a capricious army brat in the Call Me By Your Name director's new HBO series.

by Iana Murray / Photography by Nik Antonio  —  September 14, 2020

A few years ago, Jack Dylan Grazer took a trip to the movie theater. He was in Toronto and it was one of his days off from filming Shazam!, the DC comedy in which he plays the shape-shifting hero’s foster brother. He decided to watch Call Me By Your Name, and he immediately fell for it. Grazer took note of the director’s name that appeared in the credits—Luca Guadagnino—and turned to his mother.

“I want to work with him,” he told her. With eerie prescience, she assured him: “You will.”

Whether Grazer, now 17, has a knack for manifestation, or it was all just happenstance, his wish came true in the form of We Are Who We Are, Guadagnino’s coming of age drama which follows a group of army brats living on an American military base in Italy. Thematically, the show is something of a spiritual successor to Call Me By Your Name: Grazer plays Fraser, a tempestuous 14-year-old with a pair of headphones constantly plugged in his ears. He’s the new arrival at the base with his mothers (Chloë Sevigny and Alice Braga), and quickly forms a deep bond with his neighbour, Caitlin (Jordan Kristine Seamon), as they both wrestle with their sexuality and identity in the midst of domestic troubles and teenage debauchery.

“He’s an enigma to himself,” Grazer says of his character. “He doesn’t really understand a lot of the things he does but he’s so forthright so he convinces himself that he knows everything. He feels like other people don’t deserve his intelligence. But he’s also very volatile and aggressive at times, and not because he’s coming from an angry place but because he’s constantly questioning who he is.”

If Fraser is just beginning his coming of age when we first meet him, Grazer is inching closer to the end. Starring in enormous blockbusters including IT, he became the Loser Club’s resident hypochondriac at age 12 and a superhero’s sidekick by 15. His films have grossed a combined total of over $1.5 billion. Suddenly the stakes are multiplied tenfold during what are ostensibly, and horrifyingly, the most awkward years of your life. Every misstep is now being monitored, examined through a microscope of millions. (See: His 3.8 million fans on Instagram, to say nothing of the countless stan accounts.) Child fame is a disarming transaction like that: a stable career and all the other perks of being a celebrity, but at the cost of normalcy. That unalleviating pressure forces a kid to mature fast.

Grazer is acutely aware of this fact, admitting outright that he’s “not a normal person.” But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I became 70 when I was 7!” he laughs. “I don’t know if I really had much of a childhood. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to grow up really fast.”

Nevertheless, he’s still 17. When we meet over Zoom, his shoulder length curls are damp and disheveled (he just got out of the shower), his black painted fingernails contrast with his brightly-lit, white bedroom as he rests his face on his hand. It’s a Saturday morning and he looks tired: It’s his first week back at school, which has traded classrooms for hours of video calls reminiscent of the one we’re currently on. “It feels like the days are shorter because the teachers don’t want to torture their students by keeping them on a computer for six hours a day,” he tells me. “You do miss the social aspect of being at school.”

If you were to judge Grazer by what’s out there on the internet, you’d expect an anarchic and relentless bundle of energy. A quick YouTube search brings up results like “jack dylan grazer being a drama queen” and “jack dylan grazer being chaotic in interviews for 4 and a half minutes straight.” He trolled a YouTube gamer on Instagram Live. His TikToks are inscrutable.

But here, he’s incredibly earnest, as he excitedly talks about his skateboarding hobby (a skill he picked up after auditioning for Mid90s) and his attempts to learn the flute (“I need to learn how to read sheet music, but it’s like reading Hebrew!”). He’s calm and thoughtful, as if this project we’re discussing requires a shift in sensibility.

For Grazer, acting had always simply been fun. While other kids might take up a sport or get hooked on video games, he performed in musical theater with the Adderley School because he “just wanted to play.” His roles so far have been reflective of his carefree approach to the job: Up until now, he’s portrayed best friends with biting one-liners, or the younger version of the protagonist in a flashback. IT is a prime example of both. In the horror franchise, Grazer plays a neurotic germaphobe running from a fear-eating clown, but in reality, the film felt like “summer camp.” Both films never felt like work; he just learned his lines and got to hang out on extravagant sets with his best friends. Likewise, school amounted to being pulled off set by a teacher in between takes to cram in the mandatory hours.

But with We Are Who We Are, he steps into his first leading role, one that required him to convey longing and confusion through Elio-like physicality and subtext. It’s abnormal to talk about the show as a turning point for an actor who isn’t even a legal adult yet, but Grazer explains that the show required him to radically change his approach to acting. He spent six months in Italy (“It felt like I was in Call Me By Your Name.”) and built up the character beyond what was on the page in collaboration with Guadagnino. “His philosophy is that we know our characters better than anyone else—even the writers—because we are the characters essentially,” he explains.

In many ways, Grazer absorbed that philosophy entirely. He describes the experience less as a performance and more like a “rebirth”—perhaps even an attempt at method acting. Over those months in Italy, the distinctions between actor and character gradually became indistinguishable. “I had no other choice but to act and surrender to Fraser entirely and throw Jack Dylan Grazer out the window,” he says. “I would go out and get a coffee as Fraser and walk like Fraser. That was just me trying to get into [character], but then I slipped at some point and just became Fraser.”

One day on set, he looked at himself in the mirror, and the hardened kid standing there with a bleach-blond dye job and oversized shorts was unrecognizable to him. He could only see Fraser. While talking about his character, he seems to unintentionally switch pronouns, from “he” to “I”, as if the two still remain one and the same.

The process was so transformative that it forced him to re-evaluate himself entirely. “I never really struggled with identity before,” Grazer tells me. “But I think the show opened up my eyes to question myself. Being Fraser forced me to question what I wanted and what I stood for and what I believed in. At some points, the show bled into reality.”

When asked how he has changed, he takes a pause and a pensive swivel in his armchair, unsure of how to answer. “I think I was more ignorant before I did the show,” he says, and he leaves it at that.

Coming of agers are a particularly well-trodden genre, but there’s a naturalistic, raw energy to We Are Who We Are that is distinctive from what we’ve seen before. Each character quietly struggles with their own problems and growing pains—for Fraser, it’s his sexuality. Caught in a fraught relationship with his lesbian mother and an infatuation with another man, his story doesn’t tick off the familiar beats. His personal discovery is instead internal and intimate. "I think every single person born as a boy has this guard. It’s this guard that they don’t even realize they have, where they’re initially like, ‘Being gay? I could never.’ But we’re all born as humans who are attracted to whatever we’re attracted to," he says. "I think that’s how Fraser interprets it as well. Yes, he’s reserved and nervous about it in the beginning because he’s unlocking this new idea for himself. He’s figuring it out, and that’s what you see in the show: him coming to terms with this idea."

As our conversation winds to a close, I ask him if Martin Scorsese ever visited the set—his daughter, Francesca, plays the confident cool girl of the show’s teen cohort—and his eyes widen. “That was actually a really stressful day,” he divulges. Still, he revels in the memory, speaking so fast it’s like someone has put him on 2.5x speed as he shows off his impersonation of Guadagnino. The director was so nervous about Scorsese’s presence that production halted that day.

“Luca was like, ‘I cannot do this today because Martin Scorsese is on my set. I don’t know what to do, this is not good for me. I will have a panic attack before the day ends,’” Grazer says in his best Italian accent. “It’s like if you’re a painter and Van Gogh shows up.” 

Admittedly, Grazer is also a self-proclaimed superfan of the Wolf of Wall Street director, and afterwards, he got to spend several days with his idol, as they went on lavish restaurant outings in Italy and talked about anything and everything.

He takes a second to compose himself. A giddy, Cheshire cat smile spreads across his face. The kid in him comes flooding back.

“...Oh my god!” he yells. “I met Martin Scorsese!”

[archived-kin]

you are hopelessly in love with one (1) librarian

note from kin: i’m (kinda) back baby!!!!!

i thought i’d start with something for myself to get back into the ~groove~ so i chose lisa since i love her so much

in this one you’re venti’s accompanist bard buddy and play the flute! whether or not you’re a vision-holder isn’t mentioned but i like to imagine that venti gives you an anemo vision after the two of you bond as fellow musicians (though of course you don’t know it’s him who gave you it, you basically just woke up one night after a performance and found it in your pocket)

fandom: genshin impact

character(s): gn!reader, lisa, kaeya, venti, razor

pairing(s): lisa/reader (+ some wholesome best friend venti content)

warning(s): none!

genre: fluff

“She’s so pretty,” You groan into the table. “I’m going to die.”

“You probably shouldn’t,” Kaeya replies through a mouthful of hash brown. “Your bard friends would be rather sad without their favourite Buoyant Balladeer.”

“What difference is it going to make?” You raise your head and stare at him with soulless eyes. “My life has no meaning anyway.”

“Oh, now you’re just being dramatic.” Kaeya slaps your shoulder so hard that you swear you feel your bones dislocate. “Cheer up.”

You groan, but sit up and take the hash brown he offers you anyway. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” He responds, already shoving another one into his mouth and beginning to chew.

You let out a heavy sigh and begin to nibble miserably on your own hash brown. “Sorry about all this. I probably sound like an idiot.”

“Don’t worry about it,” He reaches over and gives your hair a playful ruffle. “And you don’t sound like an idiot. Lisa’s a very beautiful lady, after all.”

You raise your head in a snap, glaring at your friend through narrow eyes. “Hey, watch it.”

“I’m uninterested, not blind. Calm down.” He flicks you in the head with a chuckle. Raising his eyes to the sky, he gives a content sigh, as if the sun that he appears to be staring directly into isn’t burning his eye. “You know, a sky like this really calls for a nice glass of dandelion wine…”

“You have beyond enough problems to deal with right now without becoming a day drinker as well,” You shoot back. “Don’t you still have a report to file about those Treasure Hoarders over in Windrise?”

“Oh, that’s taken care of,” He says dismissively, taking a sip from his cup of water. “All dealt with.”

“Careful, Mr Kaeya,” comes a familiar honey-sweet voice from somewhere behind you, and you immediately tense. “Lying is a sin.”

“Miss Lisa!” laughs your blue-haired companion as the librarian pulls up a seat at your table, leaning forward and resting her chin on a single gloved hand. It’s an innocent motion by all means, but it still makes your heart skip a beat. “So kind of you to join us. What brings you here?”

“I simply saw two familiar faces while out on a stroll,” She smiles, stealing Kaeya’s mug and taking a sip of his Wolfhook juice. “How have we all been doing?”

“I-I’m doing great,” You quickly reply as her eyes land on you, unable to form a more intelligent response under her clear green-eyed gaze.

Much better now that you’re here, you add silently as she turns her attention to Kaeya, sliding his mug back over to him with such ease that you get the impression she does this a lot.

Kaeya himself either hasn’t noticed Lisa stealing his drink or doesn’t care, since he promptly curls his fingers back around the tankard and takes a long drink without any indication that he’s noticed anything out of the norm.

“Craving some wine, but I suppose I’m fine,” He sighs, tilting his head slightly to the side and swirling the contents of his mug around. “[Name] here says I shouldn’t be drinking during daylight.”

“And [Name] is very right,” Lisa shakes her head, the little rose accessory on the end of her hat tinkling with the motion. You can’t help but silently compare the sound to the ringing of heaven’s bells. Curse your stupidly romantic heart. “You drink more than enough in the evenings.”

“Then what of you?” Kaeya counters, smirking playfully. “I know for a fact that you can drink most of Angel’s Share’s patrons under the table within a single night.”

“Perhaps so, but I spend far less nights in front of the bar than you do.”

You stare determinedly down into the bottom of your water tankard as Lisa and Kaeya continue their little back-and-forth, feeling an odd sensation tugging at the pit of your stomach. What is this? Anger? Jealousy?

Tapping your fingers agitatedly on the tabletop, you kick yourself firmly in the shin. You’re being ridiculous. Kaeya knows just how head-over-heels you are for the Witch of Purple Rose, and even if he is a sneaky little snake who swaps around the chess pieces when he thinks you’re not looking, you know that he’d never do something like… that to you. Besides, you know full well that, even if they’re close friends, they don’t harbour any romantic feelings for each other.

As the songs say, though, jealousy is a green-eyed demon that will listen to irrationality over reason any day, and so you can’t help but glare subtle holes into the side of Kaeya’s head as he continues to converse with the object of your affections as if you’re not even there.

“... I jest, I jest,” He laughs, waving his hand about as Lisa giggles into her glove. “Anyway, as I was saying to our friend here earlier - the weather’s been beautiful recently, hasn’t it?”

You raise your eyebrows at him, a signal that Kaeya clearly sees and pointedly ignores. The both of you know that the weather was far from what you had been conversing about earlier, but you’re glad that Kaeya isn’t giving you away, at the very least.

“Quite,” Lisa agrees, tossing a lock of hair out of her face in a way that knocks all the breath out of your lungs. “Pleasant weather for a stroll around Starsnatch Cliff, wouldn’t you say, [Name]?”

You jolt in your seat and heat up so abruptly that you wouldn’t be surprised if you started smoking. Kaeya sniggers not-so-subtly into his hand as you hurriedly stutter, “U-uh, yeah, totally!”

“Is that an invitation?” Kaeya raises an eyebrow with a coy smirk, and you’ve never wanted to punch him more than you do at this moment. “I’m sure [Name] would be glad to accompany you.”

“Ah, I couldn't impose myself like that,” Lisa shakes her head, and you want to cry because if only you weren’t such a coward you could tell her that she’d never be imposing on you. “Razor could do with some new scenery for his training. I might as well show him the sights.”

“How is training with your protégé going, then?” Kaeya asks. “He seems to have become quite the loyal little wolf since you first took him under your wing.”

“Oh, he’s an absolute darling,” Lisa says breezily. “He still isn’t very verbal, unfortunately, but he’s learning to communicate like a star. And he’s becoming a dab hand at using his Vision more effectively, too.”

“Sounds like you’re a wonderful teacher, then,” Kaeya compliments, then gives you a side-eyed look. “Wouldn’t you agree, [Name]?”

You nod vigorously. “Absolutely!”

“You flatter me,” Lisa sighs, “But a good teacher is nothing without a bright and willing student.”

Kaeya gives you a subtle dig in the side, and you hurriedly go to reply. “H-hey, give yourself some credit. Razor never would have been able to open up so much without you.”

“You’re too kind, darling.” She gives you a brilliant smile, and you very nearly pass out on the spot, but Kaeya helpfully keeps you conscious by stomping hard on your left foot like the little shit he is. You’ll have to get him back for that later - when your heart rate isn’t so rapid that it feels like you might just ascend to Celestia any minute now.

Lisa doesn’t stay for long after that, conversing with Kaeya for another five minutes or so while you stew in your own flustered chagrin and silently continue to freak out over just how… perfect she is. It’s honestly ridiculous. How is she even human? How are you worthy of even being in her presence?

“Well,” Kaeya says as Lisa disappears back down the street, presumably to return to her place in the office. “That went well.”

You glare at him. “You think?”

“You spoke to her, didn’t you?” He counters, grinning cheekily. “That’s a start.”

You open your mouth to give him a grumpy response, then give up and slump forward on the table again. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” He hums, draining the last of his Wolfhook juice and setting the mug down with a sharp thunk. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be preparing for your performance tonight? You should probably go find your partner.”

“Our friend Kaeya is very right,” calls an all-too-familiar figure from atop a nearby roof. “You’re late.”

If it had been any other occasion, you might have jumped, but right now you’re too emotionally exhausted to do anything but let out a long, tired sigh. Ignoring Kaeya’s evil little cackle, you look up and turn to see Venti grinning down at you. “Bard.”

“Accompanist,” He imitates your monotone address, hopping down from the roof and landing softly on the pavement without so much as a click of his shoes. Flicking out his cape, he sets his hands on his hips and offers you his usual cheeky grin. “What’s got you so gloomy?”

“Nothing,” You reply, standing up and dusting off the front of your clothes. “Let’s go.”

Venti doesn’t move. He raises a single, suspiciously perfectly-shaped eyebrow, cocking his head to the side, then looks to Kaeya, who not-so-subtly mouths something at him. You pretend not to notice his obvious hand gestures in the corner of your eye.

“Ah,” Venti says suddenly, his expression taking on a mock-wise air. “Love troubles once again, I presume. Is our dear [Name] still ailed by a paralysing infatuation with one Miss Lisa?”

Kaeya claps enthusiastically, as if he isn’t the one who basically just told Venti the whole story through poorly-done charades. “Correct! I keep telling them to make a move, you know, but they’re too much of a coward.”

You aim a kick at his shin under the table that he dodges easily. “I’m not a coward! I’m just… gauging the territory.”

“You’ve been ‘gauging the territory’ for months now,” Venti whines, holding his fists in front of his chest and giving you the widest-eye look he can muster. “Come on! The eagle that never dives will never catch its prey, after all!”

“Lisa isn’t prey,” You counter. “And I’m not an eagle.”

“Hopeless is what you are,” comments Kaeya, leaning back in his chair and toying absently with a lock of his hair. “Hmmm, why don’t you write her a song? That’s your strong suit, isn’t it?”

“A song?!” You practically combust right there and then - if you’d been a Pyro Vision holder, you have no doubt that you’d have erupted into a column of flame on the spot. “No way!”

“I think that’s a splendid idea!” Venti exclaims, hopping up and down excitedly on the spot, hat threatening to fly off his head all the while. “You write the lyrics and melody, we compose the instrumental part together, and I’ll sing it for you! We’ll be an absolutely unresistable duo!”

“Easy there,” Kaeya teases, holding up a hand. “Our friend here is the one trying to win Lisa’s affections, after all.”

“Then I’ll be sure to try to direct as much of the spotlight to them as possible,” Venti replies, completely unaffected by Kaeya’s attempt to fluster him. You wish you had his coolheadedness sometimes. “C’mon, [Name], what do you say?”

“I said no!” You holler as he jumps energetically up at you like an over-excited puppy. “No way! There’s no way I’m going to just— broadcast my feelings like that!”

“You won’t be,” Kaeya explains, infuriatingly calm in the face of your explosive embarrassment. “Write the song so that only Lisa would be able to understand the true feelings behind it. It shouldn’t be difficult - you’re the master lyricist, after all.”

“Plus you have me to help as well,” Venti chimes in, holding up a single, proud finger. “The Windborne Bard himself - with me by your side, you can’t possibly fail!”

“Look—” You sink back into your seat and hunch forward, burying your face into your hands. A moment later, you raise your head again to see Venti giving you a concerned look. “I appreciate it, I really do, but… I can’t.”

“Of course you can,” Kaeya says unhelpfully, giving you a hearty slap on the back that is also unhelpful in every way. “You’ve performed all over Teyvat - this would be a small feat in comparison.”

“You aren’t helping, Master Kaeya,” Venti says, not-so-subtly elbowing Kaeya in the side. “We need to be cautious here. Like coaxing a young hatchling to fly the nest… we must take baby steps.”

“No baby steps!” You protest, leaning away as he takes a threatening step closer. “No steps at all!”

“Surely writing a subtle confessional song would be much easier than playing an intricate ballad in front of some of the most influential figures of Liyue?” Kaeya doesn’t show any signs of relenting. “Archons above, [Name], it seems that you’ve channelled all of your courage to entirely the wrong places.”

You drop your head into your hands again and glare at him through the cracks between your fingers. “Kaeya, I’d die for you any day, but for the love of the Archons, please shut up.”

He shrugs and obligingly places his finger over his lips, but you can clearly see him hiding a laugh behind it.

Venti hums, leaning over and giving your shoulder a comforting rub as you sigh miserably into your hands. “Hey, relax. I’m not going to drag you out on stage and force you to confess in song, much as I’m tempted to. If you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to.”

You ignore that middle part and choose to focus on Venti’s earnest attempt at consolation. “...thanks.”

“No need to thank me!” He winks playfully and gives your knees a firm pat. “Now come on! Confession or not, we still have a performance to practise for!”

You sigh and smile. “...sure.”

Leaving Kaeya to pay the lunch bill in retaliation for his teasing, you and Venti head off to your usual practice spot in the gardens outside the Cathedral. There’s some debate over who gets to wear the ‘Star of the Show’ Windwheel Aster pin today, but Venti relents quickly and gives you an easy win. You’re pretty sure it’s out of pity for your romantic plight, but you don’t care. The pin looks a lot nicer fastened on the lapel of your coat, anyway - the colour doesn’t match Venti’s cloak at all.

“So what’s the quota for tonight?” Venti asks, giving his lyre an absent-minded strum. “Celestial Destiny on repeat once more, I presume.”

“Shut up,” You groan, flipping open the latches of your instrument case and carefully lifting out your flute. “I’ve just been… lacking inspiration.”

“What you’ve been lacking is emotional fulfilment,” Venti sighs, reaching over and flicking you in the side of the head. “All you do is wander around Mondstadt, practise, and perform. Surely you could compose something flavourful if you had a little more excitement in your life.”

“I have excitement enough just as I am,” You bring your flute to your mouth. “Now shut up and start practising.”

Venti huffs, but begins strumming the opening chords anyway.

The two of you work your way steadily through your usual repertoire for the next hour or so. It goes smoothly as always - you’ve performed these pieces so many times that you could probably play them in your sleep - but you can’t help but feel like something is missing throughout the entire practice. Venti seems to be fully aware of it as well - rather than closing his eyes and swaying along to the music like usual, he just keeps glancing at you when he thinks you aren’t looking, wearing that frown that says ‘I know exactly what’s going on here but I don’t know if I should bring it up’.

Finally, he has enough, abruptly stopping his strumming in the middle of Early Dawn and setting his lyre down on the bench with a huff. “Alright, that’s it!”

You lower your flute and stare at him blankly as he stands and turns to glare at you, hands set firmly on his hips like a scolding parent. “You’re far too dismal! What happened to the Buoyant Balladeer? There’s no breeze in your playing at all!”

“I’m sorry if my heart is too heavy to play as light as the wind,” You retort, setting your flute back in its case. “I’m afraid I’m a little preoccupied.”

Venti looks at you with a furrowed brow as you shut the case with a harsh snap. After a moment, his voice much softer, he asks, “Are you alright?”

You hesitate for a moment. “...yes.”

He raises an eyebrow at you and doesn’t say anything else. After a pause, you groan and concede. “Alright, I’m miserable, so what? Let’s just get on with it.”

“We are most certainly not getting on with it,” He shoots back, turning to face you directly and crossing his arms stubbornly across his chest. “I can’t have my dear [Name] walking around with such a heavy heart. Come on, talk to me. What is it that weighs you down so?”

You stare at him for a long moment. He looks back at you almost unblinkingly, and try as you might to turn away and dismiss him again, there’s something about his wide green eyes that just compels you to tell the truth.

“I’m...afraid.” You say quietly. “It’s such a cliche thing to say, but I’ve really never felt this way before. I don’t… I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Venti smiles reassuringly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. First loves are always scary.”

“I understand that, but…” You bury your face in your hands and groan. “...she’s just so perfect and I’m just so me and it just feels like it’d never work out.”

“Hey, I don’t like that tone!” He scolds lightly, reaching out and flicking you in the cheek. “No talking bad about yourself. Besides, who says it’d never work out? As far as we know, your feelings are mutual.”

“I seriously doubt that,” You sigh, raising your head once again.

Venti raises an eyebrow. “Have you ever asked?”

You’re quiet for another few moments. “...no…”

“Then how do you know what her answer will be?” He asks. “Why assume that it’ll be no?”

You open your mouth to respond, but something suddenly compels you to look over to the town square. Venti goes quiet beside you as you see Lisa, standing beneath the Anemo Archon statue with Razor beside her. She seems to be explaining something to him.

Razor seems to feel your gaze almost as soon as it lands on him and his mentor. His hair bristles, and he abruptly whips around to look at you, but as soon as he sees you, he seems to relax. He lifts a gloved hand to send you a brief wave; you hesitantly return it.

He turns around and tugs on Lisa’s sleeve; she pauses and turns around to follow his pointing finger. You hold your breath as your eyes meet hers.

She raises her hand, and there’s no mistaking it - she’s smiling. An eternity seems to pass within those few seconds of eye contact, and for once your heart isn’t beating in your throat, your breaths aren’t becoming shallow and uneven, you aren’t heating up and boiling over. Instead, you feel a kind of pleasant warmth well up inside you, and you can’t help but beam and wave back.

Lisa looks at you for another moment, smiles once more, then turns around and begins walking away, gently tapping Razor’s shoulder as she goes. He glances back between you and his teacher, then turns around and follows behind her.

A long silence stretches between you and Venti.

You take a deep breath and turn to look at him, and he immediately grins. Somehow, you get the feeling that he knows what you're going to say.

“I need you to help me write a love song.”