#until proven wrong I am choosing to believe she was the one to take that statement

[my-heart-of-heart]

So we had a statement? A statement from the Magnus Institute? Regarding an artifact? An artifact that was brought to be placed in some sort of… artifact storage? Artifact storage where one particular archival assistant used to work? Anyway here’s how Sasha James can still win—

[acourtofthought]

Hello!

First, thank you so much for your posts. They give me so much comfort.

I'm a huge Elucien girlie. I've loved them since Acomaf and I have been hoping the next book will be Elucien. I think their personalities and similar trauma fit so well together. But i just reread all Acotar books over the summer, and just finished Hofas and now I'm so worried that sjm will make Elucien's mating bond wrong somehow. I wonder if you can give your thoights on this?

in Acomaf, Feyre questioned mating bonds when she was watching Az and Elain. We already knew some mating bonds are not good (like Rhys or Tamlins parents) so she didn't need to include that info or am i missing something? And then in Acosf bonus Az also questioned the Cauldron. I am so worried because sjm has questioned mating bonds in reference to Elucien twice. Why would she do that? Also there's the times interview where she talked about it. .And then she made Az be there in Hofas to learn daglan tampered the Cauldron. Spepcifically after she made him confront Rhys and say "you can't order me to do that" about staying away from Elain. I was so disappointed in Acosf and Acofas becuase of how sjm made Elain completely ignore Lucien. I know sjm is a fated mates author so i shouldn't worry, but I am worried sjm is making Elain's story about her mating bond being wrong because of all this. I used to be sure this was a red herring, but after the Acosf bonus and Hofas I am really starting to be worried because its so much about the theme of their bond being wrong and i'm getting worried.

Sorry for such a long message. I would really love your thoughts.

Thank you for sending me a message!!!

To address that not all bonds are a good fit, that's valid. But I think what's often overlooked is that there's no way to know if a mating bond is a poor fit if someone refuses to get to know their mate. They can choose to ignore them forever simply to prove a point but it can't be proven whether they'd be right for each other unless they take the chance to find out.

The only reason Rhys and Tamlin knew their parents bonds to be a poor fit is because their mothers ended up in a relationship with their mates, had a family with their mates. And therefore were able to see the negative attributes of their mates.

To assume Elain and Lucien would be a poor fit without Elain giving Lucien an actual chance wouldn't be a fair. Especially when you consider that Lucien is NOTHING like Rhys's father or Tamlin's father.

As far as Az questioning the Cauldron....the Cauldron is the mother in essence, something confirmed in HOFAS.

"And she was not a goddess, but a force that governed worlds. A cauldron of life, brimming with the language of creation."

The Cauldron was used for evil things during the reign of the Asteri but the Asteri no longer wield the Cauldron. Just like the Cauldron was used for evil when Hybern got his hands on it but we've got no reason to believe it would now create only evil if used by someone good. As we were told in ACOTAR, when the Cauldron is held by female hands, it is the creator of all things. It's pretty clear that Lucien knew Elain was his mate before she was turned because he was the one who tried to step toward her therefore it's farfetched to claim Elain being put into the Cauldron is what created their bond in that exact moment. Could we not say the same about Nessian's since their bond didn't snap until after Nesta was also turned? I think it's pretty clear that the mother, when creating all life, set into motion who was going to be mates with who in the same way that Rowan's mating bond to Aelin was determined prior to her birth.

There is no proof that tampering with the Cauldron effected mating bonds. If that was the case then every single bond in every world will prove false. It's pretty out there to believe that only Elain and Lucien's bond which wouldn't be revealed for a thousand years is the only one to suffer.

Az questioning the Cauldron is him questioning the language of creation itself. Which just makes him look like a silly young man in comparison to the giver of life, the language of creation. He's 500 something years and a bitter man wanting something he didn't get the way his brothers did yet somehow his temper tantrum over what he didn't get should somehow change FATE??? Fate doesn't care about Az's jealousy, I hate to say it but it's true. Fate / the Mother cares about the events she set into motion (via the Cauldron) when she created everything. Az is no more special to "the Mother" than Lucien is, than Rhys is, than Cassian and the thousands of others she granted bonds to.

I think the questioning of mating bonds is to keep some in suspense. I'm not sure how many Fated Mates books you've read but I'd say 99.999% of them do end up together, regardless of how long it takes. The second Elucien's bond snapped is the second all Fated Mates fans went "they're endgame!" But in order to keep things a bit more interesting, Sarah has created more anticipation and suspense with all the dialogue surrounding their bond.

As far as the whole "why not make them mates?" argument. Sarah does not often write something like that about two characters only to have that exact thing happen. She often presents information which she later puts a twist on. Sort of like the Suriel telling Feyre to stay with the High Lord, where we all assumed it meant Tamlin since they were just talking about Tamlin when it actually meant Rhys. Or the prophecy of Ruhn where some assumed it meant Ruhn would die only for Sarah to later reveal that the prophecy meant he would kill his father and pass the mantel onto Bryce.

Feyre isn't in the best state at this point, especially in regards to Lucien and the fact that she feels the need to ask Rhys whether Lucien (her friend) and Elain (her sister) are a good fit kind of proves she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Also, that was all presented to us on page 257.

We later find out that Rhys, Feyre's mate, tore apart the "Ravens" with his bare hands on page 328. Rhys could have simply misted them but instead he felt the need to get more physical over the attempted assault on his mate.

On page 453, we're later presented with this:

Helion didn't break my stare. "I tore the beasts apart with my bare hands."

Feyre follows this up by saying, "Why?" He could have ended it a thousand other ways. Easier ways. Cleaner ways.

In this scene we also find out that the LoA and Helion had an affair, resulting in Lucien. That regardless of their love she chose to stay with Beron and her children, that her family pretty much forced her to marry him in the first place despite her possible romance with Helion when she was young. And we later see that maybe, just maybe Helion has never gotten over her. Where Feyre thinks he may be masking his own emotions with the sex he has.

So the order of progression is Rhys and Feyre talking about poorly matched bonds with his parents as an example. But we know Lucien is nothing like his father while Elain does sound a bit like his mother. Then we have Rhys mention how even if a bond is rejected, there will ALWAYS be a tug, that you will never not feel drawn to that person. That's followed up by a mate using his hands to tear apart someone who wronged his mate with that followed by another male who used his hands to tear apart someone who hurt a female he shared an affair with and who it seems there is some still yet unresolved business between them.

Then in SF we're given hints of a possible mating bond between Eris and Mor which, if it does exist, we know she would reject because of her preference for women.

I'd be willing to put money on the whole conversation surrounding Elain's bond with Lucien has absolutely nothing to do with them and everything to do with the bond the LoA and Helion still feel to one another, the possible reason why Mor and Eris are still so odd around one another hundreds of years later.

As far as Elain ignoring Lucien, this was Nesta and Cassian before their book:

Nesta had made it clear enough she had no interest in Cassian - not even being in the same room as him.

And that continued on for nearly a year between the events of ACOFAS and ACOSF. So Elain ignoring Lucien? I'd say they're right on schedule to get their HEA in the next book.

[mckinlily]

Um, okay this is a loaded question, and if you want to play it safe, you can answer me in DMs, but...I personally feel that there's something wrong about how VLD placed Keith in the lead. In a way, I can see him becoming Black Paladin, but Shiro...it feels more natural to me, it feels right that Shiro is Black Paladin. I'm not into VLD beyond Shiro, Keith's parents, and the Lions personally, but I know someone who loves it and makes good points about Keith as a leader, but something just isn't aligning for me. Maybe it's because Shiro and Keith are two radically different archetypes, and they got swapped when they shouldn't have, I don't know.

I came here because I saw one of your post S2 rewrites, and I appreciated it. So, again, feel free to answer me in DMs (if you have problems DM-ing me, let me know and I'll fix it for you) if you don't mind discussing this with me.

As a final note, I'm not trying to hate any particular character. They're all fine on their own, and I don't want to treat one as worse than the other. I just want to figure out this problem I'm having with Shiro and Keith.

Thank you for reading this, and take care.

You came to the right blog! Because I adore Keith and believe he certainly has qualities that could make him a good leader—and absolutely hate him as the Black Paladin.

The thing I never understood about Voltron fandom debates about who should be the Black Paladin is that they always seem based in the idea that because Shiro is a leader and the Black Paladin, that means the Black Paladin is the ONLY leader on the team.

It is worth noting that that premise was disproven in episode one. It was Allura who made the final call on whether the paladins should run or stay and fight Sendak, and Shiro explicitly bowed to her authority. From then on, Shiro and Allura both lead Team Voltron until the show decided to destroy their characters, accepting influence and trading responsibilities depending on which one of them fit the situation at hand. Typically, Allura functions more in a commander and diplomat role and Shiro is more of a field officer, but they both pick up the lead where needed.

I know you didn't bring up Allura, but I think it is vital she is included in any conversation about leadership in Voltron. She is introduced as THE princess of an entire planet, she has more knowledge and experience of the intergalactic landscape than any of the other characters, she's been set up to be a leader since birth, and she IS the leader of Team Voltron for two whole seasons. Shiro makes it VERY clear he considers her to outrank him.

So the question you have to ask any time you consider replacing Shiro as Black Paladin: why NOT Allura? If the Black Paladin is the "best leader", why are you skipping over the one character already established and thriving in a leadership role? (And then you have to ask yourself if that character being a Black woman has anything do with that.)

Now I do think there are ways narratively you could answer that question. For instance, if you keep the Lions as sentient beings, that means they can make choices—including wrong ones. For instance, for a time when I believed anything might be salvaged after season 3, my head canon for Black choosing Keith was that Keith was the one missing Shiro as intensely and desperately as Black in that moment. Therefore, the choice was not about Keith being "better" but rather them being at the same place emotionally and that allowing the bond. The major problem with the Lion swap in canon is that we're given NO reason for Keith to be Black Paladin besides "plot device said so". Especially when we have Allura right there. It's just bad writing.

(By the way, you don't have to be pro-Black Paladin Allura. There's nuance to be had, and I personally am actually more One True Black Paladin!Shiro. But you can't just dismiss her--a capable and proven leader--from the conversation. Erasing her character is not the answer.)

ANYWAY. Back to Keith. Or rather, leadership on Team Voltron. Thing is, there are many different WAYS to be a leader. We already touched on the differences between Allura and Shiro. Keith does a good job of making split second decisions in battle or calling shots if Shiro is incapacitated or somehow separated. If you're in the middle of a fight, the plan has gone to shit, and the team just got separated, Keith is great at telling people what to do and mobilizing because something needs to get done NOW.

But that's not the only way to lead. Keith, for instance, is terrible at pep talks. He misses a lot of the nuances going on between him and his teammates off the battlefield. He doesn't plan ahead, like, ever. Sure he's great at making up stuff on the fly, but sometimes you need a plan.

But it's not just Keith. For instance, when Shiro, Lance, and Pidge go on the mission to rescue Slav, it's Pidge who calls all the shots. Is that not leadership? Pidge is often the one telling people what they need to do to solve technical problems. She's a center for information, typically the one collecting it, organizing and interrupting it, and then instruction others based on her conclusions. We see her take point on a mission, give orders to her teammates, coordinate efforts, problem solve in real time and relay a new plan in order to navigate unexpected challenges. Why not argue PIDGE should be the leader?

And there's when they freed the Balmera and Hunk took the lead. That mission was more challenging, but I'd argue in that arc, Hunk's leadership mattered less in terms of orders and more in terms of determining what type of team they'd be. Hunk was ADAMANT they free the Balmerans and set a tone for the team where they didn't leave suffering people behind. Hunk set up a moral imperative for the team that they'd be lesser without.

And Lance! There's actually lots to say about Lance and his strengths and types of leadership. But it's easy to point out that Lance is the one initiating fun and team bonding outside of battle. And when you're operating a giant robot held together by emotion connection, that's pretty dang important!

Point is, they're ALL leaders. They all have the capability to take point when needed. We SEE them all take charge at different points of the show.

So what's the Black Paladin then? If Shiro's The Leader then what does that mean? And this is the cool part! Because you know what Shiro is really really good? Know who else to put in charge. He's the one who first acknowledges Allura as an authority because he sees she has knowledge and experience he and the others do not. He selects which paladins to go together on which missions based on their strengths and the situations. He steps back and lets Pidge or Lance or Hunk call the shots if they're in an area of their expertise. Shiro's job isn't to tell people what to do. It's to decide who to put in charge of what and place them in best position for success.

There's another aspect of Shiro's leadership that is supporting his teammates, offering comfort, teaching, and giving the kids something solid they can believe in so they don't have to care the full weight of the war. But like letting others take charge where they shine, Shiro's leadership is all about enabling those he leads. One of my favorite Shiro lines is "It's too dangerous—I'm coming with you." Shiro's goal is never control. He is support. He leads the paladins because he sees the best in them and helps them reach it.

Narratively, also, Shiro is just set up to be the Black Paladin. The parallels between himself and the Black Lion are too obvious. From both being controlled and abused by Zarkon to Shiro's missing arm and Black's mission bayard. It's a kid's show. The symbolism isn't all that subtle. And if that weren't enough, we literally get an entire episode A plot in Space Mall about it where Shiro literally fist fights Zarkon for the Black Lion and in the end, he wins because he makes it clear it's the Black Lion's choice and trust.

Remember when I said the problem with Keith in the Black Lion in canon is that we're never given an explanation beyond "because I said so"? We're shown repeatedly why the Black Lion chooses Shiro. Even before we meet most the Lions, the other paladins themselves choose Shiro as their leader when Lance asks him if they should go through the wormhole. We repeatedly see Shiro seek to understand the Black Lion better, and Black responding. We see the similarities between their situations and backstories. We see them bond.

And I think this is really important because when Shiro is in the Black Lion, it's not about him being "in charge." It's about his relationship with the Black Lion. Yeah, of course, the other paladins are leaders! And they should be! But none of them have Shiro's relationship with the Black Lion. In this narrative, the Black Lion isn't a prize to be won but a relationship to nurture, and Shiro has put in the work for that relationship.

Which is really important because it means the Lions aren't a hierarchy. The Black Paladin is one role, an important role in Voltron, but no more important than any of the others. "The Leader" is not the most important person in the room. Instead, Shiro is a facilitator who enables all the others to perform their roles better.

Also can I just remind everyone just how well the Red Lion fits Keith? The paladin who keeps throwing himself out airlocks get the Lion most likely to go AWOL and fly off to save him. Keith defends his friends and team by attacking first and asking questions later, and Red started destroying a planetary body to get to Keith. The kid with abandonment issues gets the Lion who doesn't hesitate a second to go after him. And even the way they're shown to bond—that it's so physical and based in action rather than words—it's so Keith. I freaking love Keith as the Red Paladin. He gets to be as chaotic and free as he was always meant to be and gets a Lion who meets him every step of the way.

But if you say, no, Keith should be the Black Paladin. Well. What about Red wasn't working? Why was that role not one Keith fit in? Because from my reading of canon, Keith was thriving in Red. He got a secure attachment to his favorite person in the world, he gets the freedom to fly while also being part of something bigger, and he's making friends. It's still in its beginning stages, but he's figuring out how to bond with Lance, Hunk, and Pidge and you get the sense these are a kind of friendships he's never experienced before. But you know what could kill that really fast? Making him The Leader, a position that inherently sets him apart from the rest.

This is actually a problem twice over for Keith because unlike Shiro, who is shown to be given his role voluntarily by everyone around him and repeatedly shows he's earned that trust and respect, Keith is basically thrown into the Plot Device Machine and gets a t-shirt that says YOU'RE THE LEADER NOW. And we never get a reason beyond that.

This is actually my biggest problem season 3 and the Lion Swap. Because as soon as they made that choice, the Lions became a hierarchy. But what other explanation do we have? Keith won Favorite Character status got "prompted" to Black Paladin. But as soon as Black Paladin is a promotion, that makes the other paladin roles inferior. Red becomes the "second in command". So Lance get prompted but can never be equal to Keith. Allura gets the "Training Wheels" Lion/Blue, and they didn't have to write that as a massive demotion, but they sure did anyway. Hunk and Pidge are no longer leaders because they aren't in the "Leader" Lions.

It makes me so mad. One of the things I loved first about Voltron was the message of equality and servant leadership. The idea that a leader (represented by Shiro) is someone who elevates and enables everyone else. A recognition for the more "feminine" types of leadership—nurturing, compassion, emotional support. Which support roles are seen as vital and just as if not more important than being the "boss."

But we only got two seasons of that before they pulled the rug out and said, "Nope. We're returning back to patriarchy." Suddenly the Lions were in a strict chain of command, one character was the boss and the rest were his subordinates. There was a top position and a bottom position, and the characters were all fighting over each other. Perhaps most damningly, the Lion lost all personality and agency and become trophies to symbolize a character's power. And I'm not saying they're an accidental representation of how women are treated in Western media but I MEAN. It's right there.

My response when anyone says "[X] character should be the Black Paladin!" is—Why? Is their connection with the Black Lion deeper than Shiro's? Do they have more in common with Black than Shiro does? What could they achieve or obtain as the Black Paladin that they couldn't where they currently are?

And, though I don't think most of us realize it, the answer to that last one is power. Because we're soaked in patriarchy and a certain portrayal of "leadership (derogatory)" that many fans automatically assumed the Black Paladin HAD to be in control of and have power over the other paladins. So of course you want your favorite character to be the Black Paladin! You don't want your self-insert to be inferior!

But that's all the patriarchy talking. The other paladins are NOT inferior. There is NOT a hierarchy of types of people. Keith doesn't have to have Shiro's role because he's already equal as Keith.

Keiths look different from Shiros, but they're all equal and valuable as they are. Same goes for Lances, Hunks, Pidges, and Alluras. The whole point is they're stronger together. Their differences make them BETTER.

So yeah. Of course, Keith has some good leadership qualities. There's plenty of situations where it only makes sense for him to take the lead. But why on earth does he need to be the Black Paladin to do that? He's already Keith!

[geekns]

You've got statistics about the number of abused children who were "homeschooled" there, not the number of homeschooled children who are being abused. Those numbers do not mean the same thing and you seem to be cherry-picking.

Here's some facts:

Abuse is always wrong.

Bullying is always wrong.

Homeschooling is not a form of abuse in itself. Homeschooled students are not isolated as a rule (especially in the modern internet age), but as an exception to the rule.

Torture and abuse are already illegal, whether a child is homeschooled or public schooled or charter schooled or private schooled, and abusive parents should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

In the USA all individuals are innocent until proven guilty: innocent parents should not be denied the right to educate their children in the way they see fit because some "homeschool parents" are abusive. This is a non sequitur. I shudder to think what "protections" you feel are needed, but I don't actually know what you believe, only that you are using some very inflammatory and emotionally worded imagery rather than critical thinking.

Not everyone who chooses to homeschool their children is religious or right-wing (in fact, from what I've observed, most religious people want their children to be proselytizing to their classmates!). There are many reasons a parent might choose to homeschool, including the fact that research suggests that it is a superior learning environment to a noisy, crowded classroom that ignores, nay punishes, some students' learning styles.

Homeschooling is a growing movement and is not going anywhere.

Not everyone who chooses to homeschool their children is abusive. Not everyone who chooses to send their children to public school is not abusive.

Your claims lack critical thinking, not mine. I could go on, but I won't.

Homeschooling is not the problem here. Abuse is. What is being taught in schools, topics that decent human beings don't want children to be exposed to, is also a very valid issue for people of many political and religious beliefs, and makes suppressing parents' rights a really astonishing hot take to have.

I have had tens if not hundreds of strangers come up to me in public and tell me that they recognize me as my mother's daughter and profess that her involvement in the homeschooling community has changed their life and their children's lives for the better. She's "just a SAHM" but her commitment to education and charity and volunteerism has changed thousands of lives for the better.

I will admit that you did not explicitly mention homeschooling in your OP, nor did you share any actual statistics. I am 100% allowed to have my own opinion and write discourse on it. I have no idea who you are and none of what I wrote was a personal attack. Unless your name is "you guys" and you are the one and only member of the entire group of people who are pro-MAP, pro-trans, pro-CRT, etc.

a lot of what i've noticed about the moral panic surrounding children among right wingers is it creates the exact sort of situation where child abuse thrives. you can't trust anyone but family. don't send your child to school. keep your child isolated from the scary outside world. tell me, who statistically is most likely to abuse the child? family, and children abused by families are likely to stay trapped in an abusive situation since they're dependent on their parents for survival. they're also likely to be shamed, accused of lying, and blamed for family problems. not everyone is safe at home, that's just the way it is. community support of children is what abusers fear so don't dare claim you care about victims while advocating isolation. the first person to tell me "the way your dad treats you is wrong, that's not normal" was not a family member...

there is still hope and kindness in the world and not everyone outside your home is your enemy

[dallasareaopinion]

I don’t know. I don’t know. What are we doing?

Outside of diehard Trump supporters and desperate Harris supporters, most people in this country are starting to realize neither candidate really doesn’t know what to do.

And political pundits to comedians are starting to call them out on this scary fact. Most people talk about the economic policies, yet I don’t think either has a plan for Iran except hope Israel finds a way to crawl out of it’s quagmire.

And many people in this country really didn’t want Biden v. Trump round 2, but that was what we were headed for until Biden stood on national TV and had the most momentous cognitive collapse possible for someone on a public stage. I am on record saying if either party chooses someone else over the two old guys that person would win in a landslide, well I guess I was wrong since Harris is barely hanging on.

People are still struggling and unfortunately Biden now Harris gets blamed, but it isn’t all their fault, but right now neither Harris nor Trump have a realistic plan for the mass majority of this country no matter their party affiliation.

And an even more bonkers problem is most Americans would vote for a Republican even though it goes completely against their interest. To this day I have no idea why so many people in the middle class think the Republican Party thinks positively about them. They have been wealth and big business for decades and have made no bones about it. None! Yet so many people wanting to be popular in the country club and PTA back their own financial downfall. Sure a few of these people are successful, but take a way their profession and they would be sucking eggs. The entire platform for Republicans has been to give to the rich and let the rest figure it out. And again people would stand in line to vote for a valid any valid Republican candidate not named Trump against Harris. She would be swamped similar to a Nixon McGovern rematch.

And what is worse is the Democrats have been surviving on dynamic personalities for decades, not what the public believes in going back to Kennedy, (won by a hair), Clinton who was a big hit with the ladies for some reason and then Obama. And to be fair to Clinton, he did sound convincing when he told Bush the elder, it’s the economy stupid and most Americans agreed since we were in a mild recession at the time.

Now we are teetering on some really unknown financial circumstances that could go either way. We actually could crawl out of the inflation madness and with interest rate cuts keep growth alive for a while. Or the middle east war ramps up and Putin does something even crazier than attacking Ukraine and all hades breaks loose.

And many Americans know deep down that neither candidate is the best possible answer for another pandemic style disaster.

So you have a woman that hasn’t proven her meddle yet and Trump who some people believe whole heartedly would solve all our problems just by being Trump versus many other Americans who know giving Trump the keys to the kingdom is flushing them down the toilet and into the swamp called Washington D.C. and who knows what other septic tank is lying around.

So we are either a close race to the wire, or a mild flub by either candidate could tilt the election so fast most of our heads would spin. Trump is just one very public cognitive hiccup (and I don’t mean his usual vitriol) away from sending every Republican looking for cover and Harris is just one statement away from completely losing everyone’s confidence she can do anything.

And by the last paragraph you are realizing we are avoiding negatives not looking to vote FOR someone. Outside of the Trump acolytes (my apologies to Disney) who are voting for Trump even though for all the wrong reasons, when was the last time you voted for someone with desire or purpose or faith or confidence. Stop, be honest, you just haven’t have you. For decades now, it has been the lesser or two evils, or towing the party line, or well we could do worse instead of saying man I want this person. A few people will still remember the Obama feel good moment, but he was going against H. Clinton in the primaries who people never liked and an economic disaster attributed to the Republicans in the general election. Our saving grace was he is intelligent so he was able to ride the interest rate cuts the rich took and ran with since they were the only ones with money, but it did trickle down to consumers over time and he left an economy that Trump ran with and took full credit for even though he did absolutely squat to get us there. The tax cuts were just gravy for rich people, not a real economic growth generator.

And after all this time the Democrats have no strong candidates waiting in the wings and the Republicans squandered all theirs with the Trump obsession. How many people truly believe, Vance or DeSantis or Hawley or Cotton is going to carry the Trump acolytes in the future? The blew Haley away, they passed gas on L. Cheney and Kinzinger, never liked Christie to begin with, Romney faltered too much in 2012 and all the people Trump fired that actually were competent people now leave the Republicans with no one to actually produce a manageable government. If Trump wins we are going to get the worst of the worse, sorry folks no Men in Black to save us from these aliens.

One of the “X” acolytes of Trump put up a post that showed Trump Vance Musk V. Ramaswamy and a couple of others and asked are you ready for this team to run the country. Seriously? Could you not find a worse group of people to run any government. People have lost their mind.

Anyway no one wants Trump or Harris, most people are voting for or against Trump. Harris might win if she can convince enough fence sitters that she might be able to handle the job, but that is a harder convince job than the Harris campaign team wants you to believe.

The economic questions are bad enough, the border and immigration need Congressional support to get anything done, but does anyone with an ounce of sanity want either to address the potential foreign policy nightmares brewing.

What are we doing?

And yet the duopoly keeps chugging along. And as mentioned before House Speaker Johnson said the truth, when he said not passing the CR forty five days before election was political malpractice, or another words doing their job and passing a full budget was too hard, but it was better to kick the can down the road so they could get elected. Folks that wasn’t political malpractice that was governing malpractice, you know, their job!

No cheers tonight or in the near future, but much tequila is needed.

[dianaburnwood]

Hello! This is such a fantastic site, and you know so much about Hitman! Maybe could you tell me about ICA ranks? I just can't find anywhere what "Tetra" or "Sparrow" means in their context...

First of all, thank you so much! I'm just a fan and definitely don't know everything, but I love your question so I hope you're cool with a super long answer of my thoughts :D

Hitman Absolution was the first Hitman game to give us any major insight into the inner workings of the mysterious ICA, and it's definitely the first time we hear of ranks and clearance levels.

Ranks based on the Greek alphabet seem to be the ICA's coding system for their handlers (but possibly other employees as well). We get most of this info from Diana's ICA file: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUdL0fueejs

In this file, we get an intriguing early service report, snippets of which can be seen:

Diana is enrolled in the ICA at the age of 18 while still at university with the rank NOV, which I am guessing means Novice. Just three months later, she is given rank PLUS, which is likely Novice Plus: someone who is no longer new but still early in the handler programme.

I may be wrong, but I'm not sure Sparrow is a rank. Unlike all the rankings here, the word "rank" is not attached to Sparrow. I think it is a codename for some intelligence operation she was involved in as part of her training.

Next up, rank Alpha. That was awarded in 1998, which is the year 47 came to the ICA's attention. Possibly this is related to her research on him as a potentially lucrative asset, or possibly this rank is given to those who complete the handler program. Or both. I think Alpha, as the first letter rank, makes sense as the first handler rank.

And then in 1999, Diana is rank Beta and 47 is formally recruited by the ICA. I think she was awarded this rank when she became his handler. She was no longer leading a team, but instead directing her own agent. This could mean that all handlers get awarded Beta as soon as they take on an agent.

It's quite a jump in time until her next promotion, which is partially what leads me to believe the earlier ranks of Alpha and Beta are tied to accomplishments such as graduating the handler programme and choosing an agent to work with.

Diana is awarded Gamma in 2007, one year after the events of Blood Money. My guess is that she was instrumental in building the ICA back up after those events.

Her next promotion is to Tetra in June 2009, "in recognition of significant accomplishments both on and off the field" which is just begging for a fanfic. It's clear that the work of handlers goes far beyond each mission itself, given the amount of background research required for planning (e.g. the delicate geopolitical situation in St Petersburg below) and mission aftermath, checking for blowback and future concerns (e.g. Diana strongly urging eyes remain on APEX, also below):

It also seems that handlers are expected to be able to handle themselves should the need arise, as Diana's shooting range results attest.

Even so, while we have no idea what exact accomplishments saw her put forward for Tetra as it's a grey area in the games' timeline, by 2009 Diana has proven herself worthy of the upper echelons of the ICA.

People with Tetra rank have special access to sensitive and classified info, which means she was able to read 47's full file (the Ort-Meyer files recovered from Romania were classed as Tetra eyes only).

I believe it was getting access to this info that made Diana feel so much concern for Victoria, as she knew exactly what she was going through based on Ort-Meyer's research.

That's as far as we get in the rankings. It's clear to me that a lot of thought and care went into these titles and the inner workings of the ICA, but I wonder how much of it is still accurate post-Absolution (leaving aside the years no longer lining up :D) For example, in WoA Diana is referred to as Senior Handler. That doesn't mean the rank of Tetra no longer exists, but maybe that's been retconned. Either way, I saw no sign of that in WoA. But this gives me an excuse to investigate the ICA data centre in Chongqing more thoroughly :D

[thefanficmonster]

Much Cooler

Corpse Husband & Emma Langevin 

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: There’s always a certain level of uncertainty when meeting someone you’ve only known online. There’s that sense of insecurity that your relationship with them will never be the same or - even worse - that their view of you might change for the worse. But there’s nothing more thrilling than seeing the person you’ve been talking to constantly for the past however long standing across from you. 

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so terribly sorry for how late it’s coming out but I hope the fic makes it worth the wait! Lots of love, Vy ❤

“CORPSE! Wake up you famous dumbass!“ is the first thing the poor man heard over the phone at 9 AM on this fine Saturday morning.

It’s more than enough to make him contemplate why he even decided to pick it up in the first place considering he wouldn’t have been very able to participate in the conversation due to his sleepiness. He also, of course, made the mistake of not checking the caller ID which apparently wasn’t necessary considering how recognizable that voice and accent are.

“It’s 9 AM, Emma.“ He states as a tired parent would to a child, “I’m concerned as to why you’re up so early. More so as to why you’re calling me of all people.“

He can practically hear her roll her eyes but he still smirks to himself, knowing she can’t contradict him or argue since he’s completely right with his claims. “Whatever. Remind me to never call you to congratulate you on a milestone again.“

Now that pokes at his attention with a stick. Lately, said attention has proven to be a hibernating bear, leaving Corpse with a lack of interest or motivation for anything but damn if that sentence wasn’t enough to roll him out of bed and hop on PC. “What? What milestone? Subscribers?“

“Nope! You got two million likes on ‘E-girls are ruining my life’! I can’t believe I have to tell you this! Didn’t you notice the numbers climbing?!“ Emma, as annoyed and sarcastic as she’s trying to sound, she’s obviously overjoyed on his behalf and is super proud of him and of the project she luckily agreed to take a small part in.

As his PC boots up, Corpse can’t help but roll his eyes at Emma’s comment, “Well unlike you I have better things to do than refresh a page over and over aga-” His sentence is quickly cut off when he sees the number of likes under the song for himself.

Knowing that he’d find it there didn’t change the feeling of seeing it for the first time at all. It’s so surreal and so hard for his mind to comprehend. Seeing as how little he thinks of himself, his content and his art, this is like his success coming to slap him across the face as if to punctuate to him how wrong that mindset is.

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt if you offered to take me out for at least a coffee to celebrate, bro.“ Emma comments sarcastically, joking only halfway from what he can sense.

He smirks, “Trying to even the playing field, I see.” He replies, referring to the fact that he’s still a faceless mystery to her while her face is literally the cover art for one of his songs.

She laughs but is quick to dismiss his claim, “Nah, I might be a curious and nosey little shit on other occasions, but other people’s privacy is not something I dig my nose into. However, if I were to even the playing field between us it wouldn’t be appearance-wise. More personality-wise. For my sake and yours I choose to believe you are way cooler in person than you are through messages or on a call.”

This withdraws a genuine fit of laughter from Corpse who throws his head back, a few strands of hair moving aside to reveal his shiny eyes, “Well then, instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, how about we settle it once and for all? Tomorrow? I’ll text you the location.”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot upwards as soon as she comprehends his words and the tone that leaves no room for her to assume he’s joking, “Wait what? How come you’re agreeing to this? And so easily? Nah, this a trap if I’ve ever seen it.”

Corpse laughs yet again, “No trap, Em. I just can’t have you doubting my coolness.”

                                                             *  *  *

The main reason as to why Corpse requested for this meeting to be today is because he feared that if he had more than twenty four hours to dwell on it he’d chicken out. Little did he know it was the same for Emma. Their friendship has only ever existed with the bridge of social media connecting them and they both can’t help but fear the other might not like who they are IRL. They fear they unintentionally become a different person or change things about themselves subconsciously when communicating with people online. Bottom line, they’re scared of letting the other person down with who they really are, unaware that their personalities are most likely the exact same because, as the people who know them can confirm, neither Corpse nor Emma are the type to put on a show in order to be liked. They would rather have no friends because of who they are than have friends and fans of their persona instead of the real them.

And so, while slightly afraid and anxious about this meeting, both of them see it as a relief test to see if the friendship is in fact as real as it’s seemed these past months.

Corpse was the one to choose the location of their meet-up, a location Emma didn’t even think twice about agreeing on, and ever since, they’ve both been counting the hours until their scheduled meeting time.  It’s not about impressing each other, at least that’s what they’re both telling themselves, but rather proving to the other that they’re worthy of their friendship. They might throw snarky and sarcastic comments at one another that others would give a side-eye glance to and question if their friendship is real, but they know the dynamic best and they sure as hell don’t wanna lose it or each other.

Best friends are the ones who roast each other after all - you can’t tell me I’m wrong.

The nervous Corpse fidgets with the insides of his hoodie pockets as he waits outside the café, having arrived ten minutes early because he couldn’t stand being alone with his thoughts in his apartment, judging every fragment of himself twice as harshly as usual. Emma, on the other hand, could barely bring herself to leave her home. She kept retouching her appearance, despite knowing Corpse wouldn’t judge her even if she showed up in pjs. To be fair she contemplated doing just that several times because her hair pissed her off enough to get her discouraged on her outfit altogether but she did eventually talk herself into pulling it together. She already knew she’d be at least five minutes late, but once again, she knew Corpse wouldn’t care.

He’d wait, cause that’s the kind of friend he was. Cause that’s the kind of friend she was for him too.

And boy did it take her less than a second to recognize him. She wasn’t even out of the car when she saw him and knew it was exactly who she was looking for. He too, as if with a sixth sense that registered her presence, shoots his head up from his phone to look up at her, their gazes meeting. There’s a brief moment of close-to-shocked silence, their eyes a bit widened as their brains comprehend that they’re within arm’s reach of one another.

That’s when Emma’s the first to break the bubble of awe as a wide grin spreads across her face and she runs to Corpse, wrapping him in a hug before he’s even realized the distance between the two’s been closed.

“Hey.“ She mumbles, her face hidden in his hoodie due to the height difference.

“H-hey.“ He replies, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her too.

“I was right.“ She says once she pulls away, “You are much cooler face-to-face.“ She pauses for a second, narrowing her eyes, “You’d be even cooler if you bought me coffee though.“

Earning a laugh from him, she’s guided into the café by the arm Corpse wraps around her shoulders, telling her he’s get her a milkshake cause he doesn’t want to see her high on caffeine. Needless to say, they both are, indeed, much cooler to one another IRL.

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[nhlandotherimagines]

Oh Brother- Nolan Patrick (ft. Travis Konecny)

Author’s Note: I’ve been working on this for ages, and I finally just said ‘screw it!’ and am posting it! I’d love any and all feed back, and please tell me if you find any mistakes I’m the worst at editing! Thank you in advance!

Summary: Baby Konecny, that’s all you’re known as now that you’ve moved in with your older brother Travis. You love your brother, but things get a little difficult after one night at a bar with his bestfriend Nolan. Okay, and maybe one night turned to more, but Travis can’t know.

Tagging a few people, so if for any reason you would like to a) not be tagged on this particular post for any reason or b) would not liked to be tagged on any of my posts please do not hesitate to tell me ☺️ @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @titobeauvs @bigboigritty

Word Count: 8.4 K

WARNINGS: This is definitely ✨spicy✨ at times, 18+ (sexual themes), cursing, alcohol, ANGST, anxiety, lying about/hiding a relationship, hospitals, some cute moments as well of course. (Please let me know if you find anything else in here that should be mentioned here thank you)

_______________

“Hey Y/n/n, you coming out with us after the game tonight?” Your brother Travis yelled to you from the kitchen of your shared apartment. You had just moved in with him a few months ago to start school in Philly, so you hadn’t gotten out much.

“You really think you’re okay with your baby sister going out with you tonight TK?” You added giggling to yourself as you pulled on your Flyers jersey. “Well you need to get out and see the world kid!”

“Call me kid again and I will set Nolan on you during warm ups.” You smirk joining him in the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Travis’ face twists a little, but you choose to ignore it. “Fine! I’ll go.” You add shoving his shoulder lightly. He smiles at you, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You don’t press him on it though as you both get ready to head to the arena.

“Trav and Nolan seem off, do you know what’s up with them?” You hadn’t really noticed, but now that Travis’ girlfriend Karly was pointing it out you could totally see it.

“I don’t know, but when I mentioned sticking Nolan on him earlier for calling me a kid, Travis did get a little weird. I hope they are okay.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, you know how Trav can be at times!” Karly smiled reassuringly. The two of you continued to talk throughout the game, and soon enough you were waiting together outside the dressing room. Thankfully Travis and Nolan came out of the dressing room together both laughing which was a good sign.

“Hey babe!” Travis smiles wrapping his arms around Karly lifting her off the ground. You roll your eyes playfully and smile up at Nolan. He winks down at you, and your face heats up slightly.

“What’s up baby Konecny?” Nolan smirks down at you, resting his elbow on your head to emphasize the height difference. “Nolan I swear to god you’ve gotta stop calling me that! Just because I’m TK’s sister doesn’t mean I enjoy you pointing it out.” You scold, trying to ignore the butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“Oh my bad let me try that again.” He clears his throat dramatically and drops his arm so it’s around your shoulder, “What’s up baby?” His voice is deep, and you nearly choke at the pet name. You open your mouth, and close it immediately. Unable to form any coherent sentences. Thankfully Travis finally turns to you, a frown on his face as his gaze comes to Nolan’s arm still around your shoulder.

“Alright then, are we ready to go?” He asks awkwardly. You and Karly share a look, and Nolan’s arm falls from your shoulder. You try not to think about it, but you already miss the contact and feel cold as he steps away from you. “Let’s go!” Karly smiles, and starts dragging you out to the parking lot by the wrist. She is practically running, and yells to the boys that you are both going to the bathroom before you leave. This seems odd because you had gone not even a half hour ago as you both waited for the boys.

“Do you seriously have to pee again? You didn’t even drink that m-“ You started to question but Karly quickly cut you off. “NOLAN IS INTO YOU!”

“Woah! What!? Karly what are you talking about?” Your heart rate sped up and your face felt like it was on fire.

“That’s what is wrong with Travis. He is pissed off that his best friend is into his little sister! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” She is mostly just rambling on to herself and you feel sick. “He’s not into me Karly, he’s just nice to me because I’m TK’s baby sister.”

She stops and stares at you for a moment before her smirk grows even wider. “Oh. My. God. You’re into him too!”

“Nooo! No. No. No. Karly I am not, don’t even say that.”

“Why not?”

“Travis would kill me if he found out that I like Nolan!” After the words spilled past your lips followed by a moment of silence, your eyes nearly popped out of your head. “Karly I didn’t mean-“

“OH MY GOD! This is amazing!”

“SHHHH! What if they hear us!?”

———

After a few moments to collect yourselves, you head out to the car. As you open the passenger door of Travis’ car Karly grabs your arm. “Do you think I could sit in the front with Trav?” You know exactly what she is doing. “But I always sit shot gun...” you whine.

“Y/n, seriously just get in the back it’s a five minute drive back home.” Travis sighs out, rolling his eyes at your dramatics. You groan inwardly and climb into the back with Nolan.

“So Patty are you coming over to pregame with us?” Travis asks watching Nolan in the rear view mirror as he starts the car.

“What you meant to say I think is ‘Hey Patty will you come over and babysit y/n/n so Karly and I can fornicate before we go out?’ and the answer is yes I can, but I’m drinking your liquor and you better keep it down this time.” Nolan smirks at you once again and you quickly look down at your hands a smile tugging at your lips.“Yeah I’m with Patty here, I don’t need to hear that again!” You and Nolan laugh together in the backseat as the two in the front seat do their best to deny the accusations.

——

About an hour later, you are stepping out of your room dressed in dark jeans, a band tee, and a leather jacket. Your hair is curled a little, and your makeup all done. “You clean up nice baby Konecny” Nolan smiles at you from his spot on the couch as he tosses you a can of beer.

“Am I gonna be stuck living in your boyfriends shadow forever Patty?” You giggle cracking the beer and falling on to the couch beside him.“Jealous?” He grins, leaning back and stretching his arm across the back of the couch just behind your head.

“Not in the slightest.” As you both sit in a comfortable silence, you can hear music starting to play down the hall and you groan loudly and check the time on your phone. “They do this every time!”

“Oh don’t be such a baby y/n, they’re in love.” Nolan teases. “Yeah well they will still be in love tonight when I’m passed out drunk and can’t hear them.” You grumble playing with the hem of your shirt, and take another swig of beer.

“Sounds to me like someone needs to get laid” You immediately spit out the beer in your mouth choking on it. “Point proven.” He chuckles

“Hey! I get laid plenty thank you very much!” You shoot back at him after catching your breath. “Oh yeah? Must be when we are at the rink then, because last I checked TK hasn’t seen a single guy step foot in this apartment. And I know you don’t go out.”

“Why do you care?” You spit at him, becoming angry because you know he’s right. With that Nolan leans closer to you, and you can feel his breath on your neck. Subconsciously you tilt your head revealing more of your neck to him. You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he whispers, “Gotta keep an eye on my competition.”

“What the-“ You don’t even have a chance to process the words when Travis’ voice makes you jump.

“Travis! Ready to go?” You practically shout, the nervousness pouring off you. Already on your feet walking towards the door.

“Wow TK that was fast. Not sure if I should be congratulating you or apologizing Karly.” Nolan chirps. You can feel the tension in the room, but no one acknowledges it. So soon enough you’re all packed in an Uber. Travis and Nolan both have their heads stuck in their phones, and Karly’s hands are all over Travis. It’s all really uncomfortable for you, so you’re the first out when the car pulls up to the bar.

Ignoring the entire group you make your way inside and to the bar, trying your best to flag down a bartender. “Want a hand short stuff?” You feel your breath catch in your throat as Nolan’s hand falls to the small of your back when he slides into the spot next to you. You just nod in response, as Nolan orders you a drink after quickly catching the attention of the bartender. He smiles down at you, and his hand slides lower so it is now resting dangerously close to the top of your ass.

“You look really good tonight Y/n.” You blush and mutter out a weak thank you, “You don’t look too bad yourself Patty.” Before either of you can say anything else your drinks are placed in front of you. Grabbing them quickly, you made your way to the booth Travis and Karly had claimed for you all.

“Wanna dance Y/n!?” Karly asked hopefully, a wide grin on her face. You chug about half your beverage, and take her hand as she drags you to the dance floor.

You and Karly dance for awhile together and you try and forget about the boys entirely. You’ve been mostly successful in that until you feel two big hands on your waist and a body dancing against you. You’re having too much fun to really care about the stranger dancing with you, until Karly speaks up about it. “Y/n, Nolan hasn’t taken his eyes off you all night! I think he’s jealous!” She smirks wiggling her eyebrows.

“You’ve been making eyes at my brother all night, how would you even know? Besides he’s not jealous.” You throw back, ignoring the pit forming in your stomach. You really wished Nolan felt that way about you, but he doesn’t. He couldn’t. You’re just baby Konecny. A frown creeps it’s way onto your face the farther in your thoughts you get. You’re so lost in thought, that you don’t even notice Karly slip away to find TK. It’s not until you feel the warm hands leave your hips, that you manage to tune back into your surroundings.

“I think you are done here man, go find someone else to bother.” Nolan is now standing between you and the guy you’d been dancing with. If you had been able to stop staring at Nolan, you might have even noticed how attractive your dance partner had truly been. “Nolan-“ You try and butt in to tell him it’s okay.

“Listen dude I didn’t know she was taken I’m sorry!” The mans hands go up in defence as he smiles apologetically at you. “Yeah well she is, so you can go now”

Your heart stops at his words. You knew it was just him playing the protective big brother roll, and hell TK probably sent him to do it. That doesn’t mean you didn’t feel things when he said it. “Okay I don’t know why TK told you to come over here, but I am quite capable of taking care of myself!” You scold him crossing your arms. You push past him bumping his arm as you head towards the table again. You don’t manage to get far though before Nolan’s hand is wrapped around your bicep. “He didn’t.”

You turn around to face him, and are taken aback by how close he is. The look in his eyes indecipherable. “What?” You manage to croak out, unable to comprehend what’s happening because you’re so nervous.

“TK didn’t send me over here. In fact Karly and TK left 5 minutes ago, but how would you know right? You were too busy basically having sex with that guy on the dance floor!” His words are sharp and his grip on your arm tightens slightly.

“I was not! And even if I was Patty, what’s it to you? Maybe I’d like to have a guy take me home for once, maybe I’m sick of having to go home and listen to my brother have sex with his girlfriend!” You’re yelling now, but as Nolan’s eyes darken you get nervous. “You’re not my babysitter...” you mumble dropping your eyes to stare at your feet. “I know I’m not your babysitter Y/n, but I can’t let you go home with strangers.”

“Why not? I’m an adult!” You’re sure you sound like a whining child at this point, which is not helping your argument. Nolan groans. He lets go of your arm and runs his hands over his face and stares up at the ceiling. “Because. Because I want to take you home. Okay?”

“N-Nolan what are you talking about?” Your heart is pounding in your ears, and your head is spinning.

“Y/n, I’m sorry if this is weird, but god I think you’re amazing and there is nothing I want to do more than be with you tonight. I want to be the one you dance with like that.” He lets out a shaky breath, before finishing, “And fuck Y/n/n, I want to take you home with me.” Before you can even comprehend what all of it means you’re stepping into him. You run your hands up his torso and down his arms slowly. He’s eyes are watching your every move, as you spin around so your back as facing him. Grabbing his wrists you set his hands on your hips, smiling over your shoulder at him. “Then shut up and dance with me Patty.” Nolan smirks, and pulls your body flush against him. You move your hips against his, biting your lip hard as you feel his bulge rub against you. His lips attach to the base of your neck, leaving sloppy kisses in a trail to your ear. “Y/n-“ he whispers in your ear, “let me take you home.” It’s a desperate plea, but the way he pulls your earlobe between his teeth as he pulls away makes you rub your thighs together.

“Nolan-“ you practically moan his name, “This is a bad idea.” With that he grips your hips, spins you around, and crashes his lips to yours. He is trying to communicate how it’s not a bad idea, or if it is, that it’s worth it. And as you melt into him, becoming more needy, you know he’s right. You barely make your way out of the bar and into the Uber before Nolan’s hands are roaming your body more freely. His lips are searching yours, as his hand creeps up under your tshirt. He moans against your lips when his fingers reach the lace of the bralette you were wearing. You arch your back in anticipation of his hands finally palming at your breasts, but you groan in frustration as he pulls away from you entirely. “Someone is needy!” He chuckles, “we are here.” He winks at you paying the driver and practically drags you out of the car into his building.

When you both finally reach his apartment he unlocks the door letting you inside. As you stand in his living room you start to feel self conscious. “Baby come here.” Nolan’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts as you follow it into the kitchen. The pet name fuelling the fire that had been growing in you all evening.

Before you turn the corner into the kitchen, you pull your shirt over your head and throwing it to the floor. There is no going back now. “Fuck.”

“Are you just going to stare at me all night Patty, or are you going to fuck me? Because if not I’m just going to do it myself.” You smirk at him, running your hands down your sides stopping at the waste of your jeans.

“Jesus Christ! I was ready to bend you over this counter, but I think watching you touch yourself sounds pretty fucking hot.” He smirks and pats the counter looking at you expectantly.

———

Your evening started in Nolan’s kitchen, and eventually you found your way to his bedroom. The chemistry between you two, was undeniable. Nothing prepared you though, for the feeling of waking up in his arms. You were facing him, his face inches from yours. His breathing was shallow, and his cheeks their usual shade of pink. He was beautiful. “Anyone ever told you it’s rude to stare?” His voice was groggy and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t sexy as all hell.

“I wasn’t-“ you began your protest, but were cut off by your phone ringing loudly from the nightstand.As you roll over to grab it, Nolan groans in protest. Your stomach drops when you see the name flashing across the screen. “Oh fuck!” Nolan’s eyes are wide when you turn back to him, terror evident on your face. “It’s Travis.”

“Hey Trav, what’s up?” You answer, hoping he doesn’t pick up on how unsteady your voice is.

“Where are you? Are you okay? I tried getting Nolan on the phone to see what happened last night.” His voice is laced with worry, and guilt washes over you. “I’m okay, I promise.” You’re practically whispering into the phone. Nolan’s eyes burning into you with his hand covering his mouth in shock, isn’t helping your nerves.

“Holy shit, y/n, did you go home with someone!?” You can hear the smirk in his voice. “Umm- uh- yeah I guess I did?”

“Atta girl! Do you want me to come get you?” He asks, and you nearly throw up at the thought.

“NO!” You cringe outwardly at how fast and loudly you protested. “I’ve already ordered the Uber, I’ll be home soon!” With that you quickly said your goodbyes and hung up. Immediately getting out of bed, and searching around for your clothes. You can feel Nolan’s eyes on you.

“You could just stay awhile you know.” His voice is so soft it almost doesn’t sound like him. “Right!” You laugh humourlessly, “and would you like to explain to my brother that it was actually you I slept with last night?” As you look over at him for the first time since you left the bed, all the air is sucked from your lungs. The sheets draped around his waist, an arm resting behind his head, his hair a mess. He looks so perfect, but his face twists at your words and the look now present in his eyes is one you can’t place.

“The kitchen.” He responds lazily. Your brows furrow in confusion. “Your clothes. They are in the kitchen.” He adds, but his eyes don’t meet yours. Your mind wanders to last night in the kitchen, and you can’t help the smirk that comes to your face. Walking slowly back over to Nolan, your place a hand on his cheek. He leans into it, and your heart melts as his gaze finally meets yours.

“I had a good time last night. We should do it again sometime.” You wink at him and he chuckles lightly in response. “We just can’t let my brother know we are fooling around. He’d kill us!”

“Sure. Yeah.” He responds shaking his head and kissing you lightly. “Don’t tell your brother.”

———

“Took you long enough!” The words were out of his mouth before you even closed the door.

“Jesus Trav, I’m an adult I shouldn’t have to let you know exactly where I am and when I’ll be home!” You glare at him, as you kick off your shoes and basically fall onto the couch. He laughs at you as you let out a loud groan. “Long night?”

“You have no idea!”

“Okay ew gross!” He whines covering his ears.

“You asked! Besides I’m sure your night was just as eventful!” You laugh as he gives you the finger, walking down the hall.

———

Over the course of the next couple months you found yourself falling into bed with Nolan more than you’d care to admit. You also wouldn’t admit how much you enjoyed spending time with him. He was always so sweet to you, and you wanted more than the whole “friends with benefits” arrangement, but you knew you couldn’t have it, even if it was something Nolan wanted too. Which it wasn’t. The only part you really hated about this whole thing, was hiding it from Travis.

“Nolan needs a date to the Christmas charity dinner.” Travis announces as he falls down on the couch between you and Karly. He had just gotten back from practice, so when that was the first thing out of his mouth you and Karly both looked at him in confusion. “You should go with him Y/n, he says his new girlfriend is too shy to go. So you should go with him, because it wouldn’t be weird y’know?” He states matter-of-fact-ly.

“Babe, why would going with Y/n be any less weird than going with anyone else?” Karly speaks up before you can, because your mind is running a million miles a minute. Did Nolan have a girlfriend? He couldn’t. Right?

“Because, it’s not like there would be anything happening between them. It’d give his girlfriend peace of mind.” He shrugs getting up from the couch, and walking into the kitchen. Karly sends you a sad look, and you feel sick.

Travis really had no clue what was going on, and you should be trying to keep it that way. You couldn’t help the question falling past your lips though, as he came back in the living room with a glass of water. “So who is this girlfriend whose job I’m expected to take for the evening?” You groan internally at how jealous that sounded.

“Dunno,” Travis shrugs, “he gets pretty flustered any time someone asks about her. Doesn’t want us to know I guess. The only reason we even found out about her in the first place was because Patty kept showing up to the rink covered head to toe in hickies and scratch marks.”

“Sounds to me like this girl is just a hookup Trav.” Karly adds and smiles at you. She is obviously trying to make you feel better about the fact the guy you like is with another girl. She doesn’t know however how much that comment hurt. It’s you, you’re the hookup. Travis shrugs once again and takes a sip of water, turning to watch whatever bad reality show Karly had put on to watch. You tried to watch too, but the tears that stung at your eyes threatening to fall, forced you to get up quietly and slip out the front door.

Not sure what to do next, you pulled out your phone pressing Nolan’s contact. “Hey Y/n, what’s up?” He mumbled as he answered your call. “Hi- can I uh” you hesitate for a moment as the first tear slips down your face, “can I come over?”

“Uhhh I’m kind of busy at the moment.” Your stomach drops at his response, and the tears fall faster as you try and hold back a sob.

“What did you need?” He speaks again when you don’t respond.

“Oh- Travis said you needed a date to the charity dinner, a-and I was just thinking we could talk about it.” You say, voice breaking slightly. “It was stupid anyway, never mind.” You cover your mouth quickly to muffle the sob you’ve been suppressing. “Y/n, are you okay?” You can hear the concern in his voice, he knows you’re crying now. You can’t form any words, so you shake your head even though he can’t see you. You let yourself cry now, no longer fighting it as you slump against your steering wheel.

“Where are you? I’m coming to get you.” You can hear him pulling on his shoes and grabbing his keys. “I-I’m in my car.” You manage to get out in between sobs, desperately trying to stop crying. You want to object, and tell him you’re fine, but you can’t. You need to see him.

“You stay right there, you’re too upset to be driving. I’ll be there soon. Okay?” You hear him get into his car closing the door. You nod in response, and even though he can’t see you he seems to know. You expected him to hang up, but he doesn’t. Instead Nolan puts you on speaker phone, but he doesn’t say much. Instead you hear him muttering to himself about stupid drivers and occasionally telling you he’s almost there.

You must have spaced out, completely focused on the anxiety driven sobs wracking through your body, because you don’t notice when he hangs up. Moments later your car door is opened, and a hand is placed gently on your thigh. “Y/n.” His voice is so quiet you almost don’t hear it, “what’s wrong?” Embarrassment floods you immediately. You groan throwing your head back against the headrest, wiping at your face in frustration. You try once again to tell him you’re okay, but your voice is gone. You just shake your head and and try to stop the tears.

“Look at me please.” His voice is both firm and pleading. You drop your gaze to wear he is knelt down next to your car. His thumb is rubbing soothing circles on your thigh, and his eyes are full of confusion. The tears that had slowed mostly to a stop, sting your eyes again. You want to jump into his arms, and just stay there while he holds you. You know it’s not an option, so instead you let out a little whimper tears falling again. “I’m sorry.” Your voice is barely above a whisper and cracks as you say it, but you manage to muster out the apology.

“No. No, don’t be sorry. Hey it’s okay!” He wipes the tears from your cheek with his free hand, but they are immediately replaced with new ones. “I’m going to call TK, he will know what to do.”

“No!” You practically yell at him in protest. “P-please don’t.”

“Okay.” He looks at you, concern once again written all over his face. “What do you need?”

“You.” You regret the honest answer as soon as it slips past your lips, but decide to keep going anyway. “Fuck, Nolan I’m sorry I just- I’m really confused, and I just. Im sick of being Travis’ little sister. I’m sick of being baby Konecny and when I’m with you, I feel like I’m me. Like I’m just y/n. That’s all I want, but I feel guilty about it. And I know that the boys are giving you a hard time about “your girlfriend” so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m holding you back, and I’m sorry I’m jeopardizing your friendship with Travis. We can stop now.” Nolan says nothing. Instead, he reaches across your lap and unbuckled your seatbelt. He gently frees your arm from it and then pulls you into his chest, and rubs your back. You step out of the car and wrap your arms around his waist as tight as you can, your legs feeling like jelly beneath you. You both stay there for a moment, as you cry against his chest.

“You’re upset. Why don’t you come stay at my place for the weekend and have a little break from TK?” Nolan mumbles into your hair, placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You push back from him, and look into his eyes. You were going to yell at him, tell him this was only going to make things worse, but maybe he was right. Some time away from TK and Karly would be good. “What do I tell him?”

Nolan shrugs, “That you’re staying at a friend’s place?”

“Okay.” You sigh, and Nolan smiles at you. The smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it still makes you feel a bit better. Nolan let’s go of you and opens his passenger door motioning for you to get in. You do, and he closes it gently. He closes and locks your car as well before hopping in the driver’s seat.

You decide to text TK.

Y/N: I’m going to be staying at a friend’s place for the weekend. See you Monday?

TK: Sure! Everything okay?

Y/N: Yeah! Don’t have too much fun with the apartment all to yourself 😛

“It’s going to be alright you know? You’re not holding me back from anything.” Nolan speaks leaning over and giving your knee a reassuring squeeze. And maybe, it will be.

________________

You had spent the rest of the afternoon with Nolan between your legs. Nothing you hadn’t done before, but there was so much more emotion behind it, that it scared you.

As you laid in Nolan’s bed after your afternoon activities, his hand ran gently up and down your back. Tracing patterns across his chest, you let out a content sigh. You opened your mouth to tell Nolan how you felt, to ask him what this was to him, but before the words could even form on your tongue a knock on the front door caused both you and Nolan to jump up.

“Shit.” Nolan grumbled pulling a pair of shorts on, “I’ll be right back.” You frowned in response and got out of bed pulling on a pair of Nolan’s shorts and one of his hoodies. Little did you know, that just down the hall your worst nightmare was unfolding.

“Travis! What are you doing here?” Nolan said just loud enough for you to hear, and your body froze in fear.

“Hey Patty have you heard from Y/n at all? I’m a little worried about her. Wait a second is your girlfriend here!?” You could hear the excitement in Travis’s voice, when he realized he might finally get to meet the mystery lady.

“Um- yeah, now isn’t really the best time TK.” Nolan mumbled and you can practically hear his cheeks heating up, from your spot in the hallway just out of view. Your hands were shaking as you lean against the wall, trying to control your breathing.

“Oh shit! Did I interrupt something?! Dude you shoulda just told me! I’ll just call Y/n if you haven’t heard from her.” At that your heart stops. Where is your phone? You set it down when you got there.

“Okay, see you later TK!” Nolan basically shouts, trying to close the door you assume. Relief begins to wash over you, and you feel like you can breath again.

However, the relief leaves just as fast as it came, when you hear your phone ringing. Stomach dropping, as the memory of setting your phone on the table by the front door comes to mind.

“Nolan.. why the hell is Y/n’s phone in your apartment?” You can hear the anger in your brother’s voice. “Teeks I can explain” Nolan’s voice is weak, and your heart breaks a little despite its rapid beating in your chest.

“Great idea Patty! Please explain to me why you didn’t bother telling me my sister was your secret girlfriend!” He’s fuming and you don’t know if you should rush to Nolan’s aid or climb out the fire escape. “She’s not actually my girlfriend...”

Ouch.

“Okay so you’re telling me you’re just fucking my baby sister!? I’m going to fucking kill you”

“Travis stop!” You surprise yourself as your running to put yourself between the two best friends. “Please don’t.” You whimper the last part. Tears streaming down your cheeks, as you use your arms to push him back trying to keep the distance between him and Nolan.

“I told you she was off limits! I told the whole damn team that they weren’t allowed to mess with her. So what? You just thought you’d fuck your best friend’s sister like some cheap whore when you could have any girl in Philly!?” Your face twists at that. You know that Travis didn’t say it to hurt you, but you couldn’t help feeling sting of hurt mixed with jealousy you wish you didn’t feel.

“I-it’s not like that” Nolan mumbles out. Your heart crumbles at his limited response. “Travis, take me home.” You plead, trying not to let more tears fall.

“Y/n- don’t-“ Nolan reaches out for you, but Travis shoves him. Hard.

“Travis! Please!” With that, you lose it. Hands shaking, sobs escaping you relentlessly, and you can’t catch your breath. Both guys stop, eyes snapping to you. Travis wraps his arms around you, affectively keeping you upright.

You don’t hear anything else, or see anything else. Everything stops.

_____________

Your eyes flutter open, and you’re met with a white ceiling. Head aching nearly as much as your chest and you groan. “Y/n/n! You’re awake!” It’s Karly’s voice that startles you, “are you okay?”

You don’t know where you are, or what happened really, but you can only manage to ask two questions. “Where is Travis? Is Nolan okay?”

“Y/n-“ you can hear the pity in her voice. “Oh god!” You start crying again, “this is all my fault!”

Karly speaks softly to you, telling you everything is fine. Telling you Travis is coming, and that Nolan will be fine. You hardly listen. You just allow yourself to cry until you fall asleep.

___________

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. You knew it was wrong, and I told you it would be fine. I’m such an idiot.” You listened to his voice as he mumbled, hand gripping yours as tight as he could without hurting you. Keeping your eyes closed, you fight back the tears. It hurt so bad, everything hurt. You couldn’t face him, you were embarrassed, and heartbroken. “Nolan, I think you should go.” Travis’ voice makes you wince inwardly.

“Teeks, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt her, or you. Tell me she’s gonna be okay.” Nolan’s voice breaks and he lets go of your hand.

“The doctor said she is okay, she needs some rest. She is just stressed Nolan.” Travis sounds just as defeated as Nolan’s, “I’ll text you if anything changes I promise.” You could hear Nolan get up and leave, and honestly, your heart went with him. When the realization hit you, you’re shooting up in the bed eyes wide gasping for breath.

“Y/n/n-“ Travis starts, as he rushes to your side.

“I- I’m sorry Travis. I’m so sorry! God I’m so so stupid.” You start rambling, chest heaving, breathing shallow.

“Slow down! Just relax please, you’re okay. It’s okay.” Travis is squeezing your hand now, concern for you evident in his features.

“I ruined everything. He’s your best friend, and I ruined it...”

“Nolan and I will be fine. This is between him and I, not you. Don’t blame yourself ple-“

“I love him!” Your sudden outburst shocks you just as much as it shocks Travis. The silence that follows is deafening. You try to think of something to say, anything to make this less awkward. Before you or Travis can speak though, someone at the door clears their throat. Your eyes snap to the source, and your stomach drops to the floor.

“I- uh I left my keys” Nolan mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck. His cheeks are red, and his left eye is purple and swollen. Travis sighs and mumbles something about giving you a minute, before he gets up and leaves the room. Not without bumping a little to hard into Nolan’s shoulder. More awkward silence follows, and this time you manage to find words first. “Jesus Nols your eye, are you okay?”

“It’s nothing.” He mumbles.

“It’s not though! I’m sorry, about all of it. I shouldn’t have gone home with you, I shouldn’t have called you, I shouldn’t have kept it from TK, and I shouldn’t have said that I lo-“ you stop unable to say it again, “Well you heard. You didn’t need this drama.”

“So you regret it?” His entire body tenses.

“You don’t?” You laugh out humourlessly

“Lying to my best friend? Yes. Taking you home? Being the person you call when you’re upset? Falling in love with you? I’ll never regret any of that. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’ll leave you alone now.” He says the last line with so much hurt it kills you. He snatches his keys off the table by your bed and turns to leave, but you grab his wrist. “You don’t mean that. You don’t get to say that and leave me.”

“What do you want me to do?” He raises his voice. You’ve never seen him like this. “I can’t stay. You wanted to leave my place last night. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“I didn’t want to leave Nolan I wanted you to fight for me, for us! I wanted to hear you tell my brother that you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I know you don’t though, and that’s alright. But you do not get to say you fell in love with me, and walk out of here like nothing happened. You don’t get to fuck with me like that!” Tears fall slowly down your face, and you let them. Sure you probably looked like a hot mess, but you didn’t care anymore.

“I thought this was just sex for you. I didn’t think you wanted anything more than a distraction from your brother’s life. I tried to get you to stay with me that first morning. I tried to show you how much I wanted you in my life yesterday. Y/n I drove like a bat out of hell from the rink to pick you up because you were hurting. I was at the rink talking to Giroux, trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to ask Travis for his permission to date you. Actually date you. I’m in love with your stubbornness. I’m in love with your aversion to being called baby Konecny. I’m in love with how you look in my jersey even though you refuse to wear it because ‘why wear mine when you could wear one with your last name’. I’m in love with your laugh and your smile. I’m head over heels for you baby, and I can’t stay here. I can’t stand seeing you in that bed knowing it’s my fault you’re even there, knowing that when you leave you’re going home with Travis and not with me. I can’t stand around and watch you hurting, only to make it last longer. I’m sorry.” His whole body seems to deflate as he adjusts the keys in his hand.

“Nolan I didnt know.”

“Yeah well...” he mumbles, and refuses to look at you. With that you let go of his hand and he’s gone.

________________

“Well Miss Konecny you should be good to go. Just take it easy for the next couple weeks alright?” You were hardly listening to the doctor, but really he was more talking to Travis than you. After signing discharge papers, Travis helped you out to his car. He stops opens your door for you, and you mumble a thank you. You’re so caught up in your own thoughts, you don’t

“Trav?” You say, after awhile of driving. “Yeah?” He asks, taking another turn you’re sure is just taking you away from your shared apartment. “Where are we going?”

Pulling over and parking the car, Travis looks over at you guilt written all over his face. You look out the window, taking in your surroundings for a moment before it clicks. You’re in front of Nolan’s building. “Travis please no...”

“Y/n/n listen. I’ve never in my life heard Nolan talk about anything too real. When he left the hospital, he stopped me in the hallway. He apologized for hurting me, and you. But you know what else he told me? He told me he wouldn’t take it back. He said that if his options were to have you for those few months again or to take it all back and have it never happen he’d hurt me again. He told me he loved you, and that he still does. He said he’s not sorry for loving you, but he’s sorry he didn’t do it right. Then I called Claude. He told me about Nolan just about in tears trying to figure out how to make it work without hurting his friendship with me, but mostly about preserving our relationship. He was worried about what would happen between me and you. He is so into you, and obviously you are into him. So into him, and so worried about it you landed yourself in the hospital. I was the issue here, so now I’m going to fix it.” He pats your knee soothingly. “Please let me.” You can only nod, and pull yourself out of Travis’ car. He drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you into his side.

“You hit him didn’t you?” You ask quietly in the elevator ride up to Nolan’s floor. “I did. I thought he was using you. I was so upset. He didn’t fight back, he wouldn’t even defend himself. I’m such an asshat.” He admits

You nod in response, and hug him as tight as you can. “That’s my big brother, the asshat. Thank you for always looking out for me, but you really shouldn’t have hit him.” He whispers an apology into your hair as the elevator doors open. “Now let’s go get your man! Ew no, I’m not calling him that ever again.”

You laugh at that. Travis smiles at you as he knocks on Nolan’s door. You wait patiently, but nothing happens. The door never opens. Travis knocks again. Nothing. Your heart feels like it’s breaking all over again. Travis continues knocking. He even tries calling Nolan. Nothing.

You reach out and grab his wrist to stop his assault on Nolan’s door. “Trav. It’s over, it’s okay. He doesn’t want this.” Before he can say anything, his phone rings. Both of your eyes snapping to it hopefully. You deflate as you see Karlys name flashing across his screen. You sigh and slide down the wall beside Nolan’s door, as Travis answers.

“Hey babe. Well I decided to take Y/n to Nolan’s apartment to try and fix this, but he is refusing to answer his door or his phone.” You groan a little dropping your face into your hands. You feel pathetic. “Are you kidding me right now!” Travis’ last line comes out much louder than the others, and you jump a little. Looking up at him you see an expression you can’t quite read. “Stay there! We are on our way!”

You’re pretty sure he doesn’t even wait for Karlys response before hanging up. “Trav? What’s wrong? Is Karly okay?”

“Karly is fine, but we have to go.” With that he’s grabbing your hands and pulling you off the floor and out of the building. Foregoing the elevator, and instead rushing down the stairs like a mad man.

“Travis what is going on!” You’re frustrated and he’s not responding to any of your questions, as he jumps into his car. You follow suit, grumbling under your breath. The drive isn’t that long, and you spend most of it wondering why Nolan wouldn’t answer the door. How were you supposed to go on seeing him all the time again? He wants nothing to do with you right?

Your mind is still spinning when Travis pulls into his parking spot. Karly is already waiting outside.

“Listen Y/n/n, you’re going to be okay. If things with Nolan were meant to be they will be. Karly and I have to go, but we will be back later okay? Call me if you need anything.” Travis’ voice is soft, but hurried as he leans over and opens your door for you. The confusion is clear on your face as you get out of the passenger seat. Karly sends you a quick apology before sliding into your spot.

And then they were gone. Before you could even ask where they were going, they were gone. You’d never felt more alone in your entire life. The one person you wanted to see wants nothing to do with you, and your support system just up and left you.

As you make your way slowly up the stairs to the apartment, tears fall for what feels like the millionth time in the last 48 hours. Your heart was so unbelievably broken, and you couldn’t even starts to think about how to put it back together. As you finally made it to the door, you unlock it and let yourself in. As you close it, you fall back against it small sobs escaping you into the quiet apartment.

“Y/n?” Your eyes snap up, heart beating a million miles an hour.

“Nolan? What are you doing here?” There he was standing in front of you, dressed up and holding a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

“Well- I uh came to apologize. I’ve been here since Travis text me to say you were leaving the hospital. What took you guys so long?” He chuckles nervously, but makes no effort to move closer.

“We went to your apartment. Nolan I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. God I was so stupid, I don’t know how to make this better.” You’re shaking now, overwhelmed by emotion.

Nolan sees you struggling, and quickly closes the distance between you both. Dropping the flowers along the way his hands find your hips to hold you up. “The past is in the past babe. We can’t change it.” You deflate at his words, fresh tears springing to your eyes.

“But,” he adds, placing a finger under your chin lifting it up so you’re looking at him. “We can start again, and do it the right way. I don’t wanna hide you.” His eyes slip from yours to your lips. Your heart skips a beat, as he leans into you pressing his lips to yours in a kiss like none you’ve shared before. This kiss is not driven by lust, it’s all love. It’s slow and steady, as he pulls you closer to him. You stay like that awhile, both to afraid to stop. Nolan pulls away first though, so you can both catch your breath.

You smile up at him, reaching up to gently touch the stitches above his left eye. You frown a little, as he flinches but doesn’t stop you. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Nolan mumbles, cheeks heating slightly.

“Really? Because I was just about to say it looks kinda hot.” You smirk up at him.

His fingers flex on your hips, eyes going a little darker. “You’re gonna be the death of me Konecny.” His voice is deep and it sets your whole body on fire.

“Stop talking and kiss me already Nols” With that Nolan’s lips are on yours, and his hands are on your thighs lifting you off the ground with ease. You wrap your legs around his waist as you pins you to the wall. A moan escapes your lips as your hands find his hair, tugging it lightly. The kiss grows needier by the second, and you’re getting impatient. As you push your hips into his to get some friction, Nolan pulls away.

“We should slow down.” Nolan sighs, as he sets you back down. “Why?” You pout, gripping his shirt and trying to pull him back into you.

“Because, I want to do this the right way. Let me take you out first before I fuck you in your brothers apartment” he chuckles.

“We’ve had sex before Nolan. Besides,” you say, running your hands up his torso to the back of his neck. Tugging on the hair a little before you continue. “Wouldn’t fucking his baby sister all over his apartment be a great way to get pay back after he punched you in the face.”

“Y/n. I’d rather not have my best friend kill me before I even get a chance to show you off. He could walk through that door at any second.” Nolan groans glancing over your shoulder to the door.

“You’re right he could.” You smirk as you start kissing his neck.

“Babe-“ he warns, but it lacks sincerity and you take that as a win. “Can it Patrick. Let me have my fun!” You wink, sliding down to your knees.

And just like that, he was at your mercy. He was a total mess above you, hands gripping your hair tightly as you took him in your mouth.

The fact Karly and Travis could walk through the door at any moment to see the two of you. Nolan with his head thrown back, pants at his ankles, and you, hands gripping his thighs tightly and tears forming in your eyes. It had your senses heightened. On edge already, your pussy clenching on nothing.

When Nolan came, his name left your lips followed by many profanities as you swallowed his cum. You smirk up at him, and trace your finger over his tattoo lazily. “Worth it?”

“Fuck, so worth it princess.” He groans pulling you to your feet attaching his lips to your neck.

Nolan pulls away after a moment and you whimper slightly at the loss. He chuckles as he pulls his pants up and you groan in response. “Sorry baby, but standing just inside the door with my pants around my ankles is not a good look.”

“I liked it” you pout, “your legs are nice.”

“Oh yeah?” He quirks an eyebrow at you, a smug grin growing on his face. You nod, cheeks heating up slightly. “Especially your thighs.” You wink.

Nolan throws his head back and laughs pulling you into his chest. “You’re amazing you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” You wink up at him. His grip tightens on your waist, and his smile grows impossibly wider. Your heartbeat quickens as tears spring to your eyes, and you do everything in your power to hold them back as you press your forehead against Nolan’s chest.

Everything feels so perfect in that moment. You’re not Travis’ sister. Not baby Konecny. Nolan isn’t Travis’ best friend. Not the Nolan Patrick. He is yours, and you’re his. The only think that matters now is how at home you feel standing awkwardly in the hallway embracing each other, with no intentions of letting go.

[s-aint-elmo]

pov: the nerd whose lunch money got stolen when you were in high school is securing her best life through any unscrupulous means possible (lilith thoughts under the cut:)

when i tell you that before this i was lukewarm towards lilith bc aww they’re on opposite sides but they still put their affection for one another above their fundamental difference in belief, and that raises the interesting question of what it would take to force them (and by them i mean lilith, obvi) to choose one or the other. but now that question has been answered and lilith is THAT bitch. and i’m living for it give me a lilith whose persistence in convincing eda to join the emperor’s coven and have her curse lifted is rooted in her need to assuage her own guilt for that massive spiteful fuck-up but also, in making eda conform to her beliefs to do it, be assured that HER choice of loyalty is better and correct. give me a lilith who built her whole life on being the best she can be in the way she believes is right. give me a lilith who refuses to lose AGAIN when eda refuses to even play her game

i am perfectly willing to accept that i might be proven wrong by the subsequent episodes, but until then i will take my selfishly-motivated but still-harbouring-complex-feelings-towards-her-sister-who-she-loves-and-resents-in-conflicting-measures lilith and i will run with it, bc sister dynamics the likes of these are so fucking tasty my eyes are firmly locked onto her character now. i am Seeing. i hope whatever path they choose to take for her character they do justice to. if she’s working out her issues with eda i hope it’s cathartic for both of them. if she’s going down, i hope she goes down hard. 

[engie-ivy]

do you have a fic where remus confronts Sirius of believing he was the spy (like maybe canon divergence - they all live) and refuses to agree that just because there was a war doesn’t mean he should’ve not trusted him or used the excuse that he’s a werewolf not to believe him

Hi!

I have fics that deal with the suspicions and false accusations during the war! But these do take on a more Fluffy path, and eventually lead to them being understanding and forgiving of each other's behaviour😅

You might like the confrontation in

If Tomorrow the World Crumbles

“Well, what am I supposed to bloody think, then?” Sirius shouted back. “You’re obviously keeping things from me! How is this sketchy behaviour going to make anything better? Why couldn’t you just come talk to me, so you could have proven that you’re not-”

“Because I shouldn’t have to proof anything to you!” A hint of pain was seeping through in Remus’s frustration. “All my life I’ve had to proof myself to everyone, and all my life I’ll have to continue proving myself, simply because of what I am, but not to you. Never to you. You’re supposed to believe in me! You’re the one person who’s supposed to be on my side.”

And here's an excerpt from my longer fic

If Only You Knew the Whole Story

He’s sitting in a chair. His arms are handcuffed behind his back and his ankles are chained to the legs of the chair. Protective spells are placed around him, making it impossible to come any closer than half a meter in his vicinity, though there isn’t much he could even do without his wand. His long, dark hair is tied in a messy bun with loose strands falling over his face, and he still has the muggle clothes on he was wearing when he got arrested.

He’d been wearing muggle clothes a lot. When James teased him about it, he told him to go try and ride a motorbike in flapping wizarding robes and then come talk to him. No one particularly minded seeing him in tight fitted muggle clothes anyway, as the man has always been unfairly good-looking.

He looks up as Emmeline enters the room, his grey eyes empty and emotionless.

Sirius Black.

“I didn’t think you’d come back. You seemed rather pissed off when you left the last time.”

“I’m pissed off at you by default. But I did some fact-checking on your previous claims.”

Black rolls his eyes. “If you looked him up in the Animagus register, I could have told you-”

“Actually, I went to a more direct source.”

“Hello, Black.” Remus steps in the room, his eyes focused somewhere on the logo on Black’s worn-out band shirt, deliberately not meeting Black’s eyes, his mask of indifference firmly in place. Emmeline understands his need to not show any emotion in front of Black.

Black’s face, on the other hand, is a whole different story. It’s hard to imagine his eyes were so void of emotion just a moment ago, as a variety of emotions passes over his face.

Disbelief. Hope. Fear. Guilt. Pain.

When he speak, soft and barely audible, his voice sounds so broken that it sends a shock through Emmeline’s body. She can tell Remus feels the same, as his eyes snap up to Black’s face.

“Remus? Please...”

“I messed up, Remus. I messed up so bad. But if only you knew the whole story-”

“You’re going to tell me the whole story,” Remus interrupts, his voice cold and bitter. “The real story.” He opens his palm to reveal the small flask of Veritaserum.

Now, Emmeline was expecting anger. Anger as Black would realise he wouldn’t be able to make up stories anymore. Anger as he saw his plans of manipulating Remus with his lies go up in smoke. Emmeline may have understood shock, that they would actually dare to force him to take the truth potion, or maybe even panic, now that his ploy is officially over.

What Emmeline did not expect, however, was the look of sheer hope on Black’s face, like he’s a dehydrated man who has been wandering the dessert for days and Remus is holding a glass of fresh, cold water.

“Yes,” he says pleading. “Yes, please...”

It completely catches Emmeline off guard, and she can tell Remus is also thrown off. He stares at Black dumbfounded and seems unsure what to do next. He fumbles with the flask, opening it and sliding it across the table towards Black.

As they can’t get near Black with the protective charms surrounding him, Emmeline doesn’t know what they would have done of he had simply refused to drink the potion, but then again, that would have said enough of itself, wouldn’t it? Now, however, Black wastes no time in bending forward, taking the flask between his lips and throwing his head back, gulping the potion down.

After Black has dropped the empty bottle back on the table, he sits motionless in his chair, his eyes closed. Remus is staring at him intently, his mouth in a hard line and his knuckles turning white where he’s gripping the edge of the table. The moment can’t have lasted more than a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Despite all her talk about only doing this for Remus, not believing anything will come of it, Emmeline feels nerves coursing through her body. There’s a heavy tension hanging in the room and the air feels thick. Emmeline can only imagine what this moment must be like for Remus.

After what seems like hours, Black slowly opens his eyes. “It wasn’t me.”

So few words hardly more than a whisper, but their impact couldn’t have been greater if he had shouted them in their faces.

Remus’s legs threaten to give out from under him and he supports himself on the table, staring at the wood while gasping for air.

“It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me.” Black repeats the words like a mantra.

Remus lifts his head, and upon seeing the pain, hope and confusion on his face, Emmeline wants to run to him, support him and start questioning Black, but at the same time she feels like she needs to stay out of it for now, this needs to be between them.

“What wasn’t you?” Remus breathes. “I need to hear you say it.”

“Everything. Any of it. The murders, the betrayal. Rem, I wasn’t even the Secret-Keeper!”

“But... But...” Remus tries desperately to order his thoughts. “Peter?”

Black nods silently.

Remus shakes his head. “No, no. James insisted! He would never choose anyone but you!”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Black replies as he shifts his gaze downwards, sadness reflecting in his eyes. “Not until I convinced him to. Merlin, I thought I was so clever! A perfect way to throw them off track. Who would even consider it being anyone else?”

“But you told me it was you! Those evenings we spent talking about it...”

“I lied! I lied to you, Remus.”

Remus stares at him for a while. “You didn’t trust me.” It’s not a question.

“We knew there was a spy,” Black says, looking absolutely miserable. “We just didn’t know who.”

“And I was the logical choice,” Remus states. “I assume because I’m a dark creature?”

“Yes. It was because you’re a werewolf.” Black looks Remus straight in the eyes. “Because you have fifteen years of experience keeping secrets and hiding who you are. And you’re so damned good at it! Better than anyone I know. Dumbledore always chose you for the most secret missions. You were the only one amongst us no one had any idea of where they were going or what they were doing.”

“That wasn’t by choice!”

“I know, I know. Remus, you have to understand. We didn’t think you were the traitor, we just couldn’t be absolutely sure that you weren’t the traitor.”

Remus swallows and looks away. “What’s the difference?”

“The difference is that I felt with every fibre of my being that I could trust you and you would never hurt us!” Black speaks. “But at that time, I couldn’t allow myself to feel, I had to think. And logical thinking, shutting off all emotion, said that none of us could say with one hundred percent certainty that it wasn’t you. With Harry’s life at stake, we couldn’t afford to take any chances. It was best not to tell.”

Remus nods, but he’s still not meeting Black’s gaze.

“Remus, please look at me,” Black says earnest. “I need you to know this. We still would have died for you in a heartbeat, Lily, James and me. We still thought the world of you.”

“But I thought the worst of you!” Remus’s breath hitches. “I despised you, wanted to hate you! If I had found you that night, I would have...”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, doesn’t need to.

Black doesn’t look shocked, or even angry. He just looks immensely sad.

“Why wouldn’t you have? I fucked everything up, Remus. I lied to you, I trusted the wrong people, I distrusted the wrong people, I convinced James to take a path that lead straight to his death. And I can’t even do the only thing James asked me to do in case the worst would happen! I can’t even take care of Harry, like I promised I would. I abandoned him in my failed attempt at revenge, another one of my numerous mistakes. I literally can’t think of a single thing I haven’t screwed up these last weeks.”

Remus just stares at him. Only after a long silence, he speaks.

“You really are... you.”

Black just blinks at him.

“I mean, the boy who snuck out of the dorm to keep me company in the hospital wing, the boy who bribed the house elves to make my favourite chocolate cake on my birthday, the man who wanted me to stay with him when I had no place to live and never let me go, the man who once attacked five Death Eaters on his own because one of them had tried to use the Cruciatus curse on me... That person was not a facade, an act or a lie. That person was really you. You’re really that person.”

“Telling you I was the Secret-Keeper was hard for me, as it was the first and only time I ever lied to you, I promise.”

“I know,” Remus slides down in the chair across from Black. “And it’s okay, Sirius. It’s okay.”

Sirius closes his eyes for a moment. As he opens them again to look at Remus, they’re filled with relief.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “It’s just... You’re the only person who I couldn’t bear to see me as a monster.”

Remus smiles softly. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”

I hope you still like it, though it might not be exactly what you're looking for!

[lacrimaomnis]

BRF Reading, 20/7/2021 (Part 1 of 3)

Background: This is the one question that drives me to pick up the tarot and learn to read myself. Some of you might be reminded of three spreads @celticcrossanon did on Archie, and yes, this is partly inspired by those spreads. I asked this question again because the first time I tried to read about it, I got the feeling of my stomach churning and it was so bad I wanted to throw up, so I thought: there must be something. Am I scared to do this reading the entire time? Yes, I am very much scared because I'm afraid the cards will show me something I don't want to see. But as you can see, the curiosity killed the cat. I am that cat.

A fair warning though, this reading might veer into the conspiracy theory realm. Is it hard to believe? It is. Just because I read tarot doesn't mean I believe in conspiracies. I find it difficult to believe what I read because it challenges all the established facts that were particularly established by the existence of the birth certificate.

This is the first of three spreads.

As written, this is merely a speculation and therefore must be taken with a grain of salt. This speculation is not true until proven otherwise.

My question is, does Lili exist?

Cards drawn: Page of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, Page of Swords, Four of Wands, Five of Cups, Eight of Cups, Page of Cups Underlying energies: Nine of Wands, Queen of Cups

Summary: I have my "yes, I do exist!" card, which is the Page of Swords, but with it came another two Pages. This reading is confusing at best and is just nonsense straight out of the realm of conspiracy theory at worst.

First card: Page of Pentacles. As a birthday card, in my deck, this card is associated with birthdays between December 22 to December 28. Zodiac wise, Pentacles represent the earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, or Capricorn. If we are to believe the information given to us, Lili was born on 4th June, which means she is an air sign, particularly Gemini -- but this card as the first card drawn immediately made me doubt if she is indeed delivered on 4th June because this card suggests otherwise.

This card suggests to me that Lili is a Capricorn because this card is associated with birthdays between December 22 to 28, but that just does not make sense. If she was delivered on 4th June, and assuming all are normal (9 months pregnancy, nothing is out of the ordinary), then she should've been conceived at least 9 months before June, which should be around September last year. Barring anything that could go wrong, it is impossible to have her born in December, just 3 months after being conceived -- because if she was indeed born in December last year, she doesn't exist, the woman who carried her miscarried.

What is not impossible, however, if she is delivered later than 4th June. Here is where I veer into the realm of conspiracy theory. My understanding of how each person is assigned into a zodiac is rudimentary at best, so please do bear with me. If this card is to be believed, then Lili should have been born around December 22 to 28 this year. If again, we assume normal pregnancy for whoever carried her (9 months, no early delivery, yadda yadda), then she should've been conceived around March this year. This interpretation implies that Lili is still not here yet. Which is impossible, because we have her birth certificate.

Whichever theory you choose to believe, neither of them makes sense to me. Both are equally impossible. I ruminate a lot around this card because this is the card in the first position, and for me, anything than the Page of Swords in the first position indicates an answer other than "yes, she exists". I think I even remember the controversies around the supposed birth certificate, but the only thing I remember from it is that Harry was listed as HRH something something.

Second card: Queen of Pentacles. Who are you? What are you doing here? How do you relate to this reading? If you are not Meghan, then who are you?

Queens typically represents feminine energy, and Queen of Pentacles is the ultimate embodiment of a motherly figure. She is practical, secure, motherly, and wise. In my deck, she is illustrated as a woman wearing a crown and holding a rabbit inside her arms; a symbol of fertility and family.

I was just...who are you? You are a woman of the earth signs. You are not Meghan. Are you the surrogate people have been seeing in their cards and have been suspecting? Do you confirm to me (even when I don't ask) that Lili is born from your womb and not Meghan's? What do you want to tell me? Are you even a person? My gut says you represent someone, but who are you?

Third card: Page of Swords. This is the absolute "yes, I do exist!" card for Lili if she is indeed born on 4th June. Sadly, this card is not the first card of this spread -- that spot was filled with the Page of Pentacles. Page of Swords is the card of "words and ideas" rather than "feeling and intuition". She (the pages in my deck are all drawn as young women) is associated with messages and messengers and can also manifest as gossip, which made me think about the buzz around Lili's birth. There were a lot of hearsays and speculation before and after her birth, particularly because of the distasteful choice of the name her parents given her.

Now, in my reading, there are several Cups cards (Five, Eight, the Page). If this card comes up with several Cups cards, this card is particularly hard about honesty. This caused me to think: is there any dishonesty on Meghan's part from the announcement of pregnancy and until Lili is born?

Fourth card: Four of Wands. Again, this card seems to come up a lot lately. This card is closely associated with the elements of home and family. It is about a new life, new success, and prosperity. In this spread, this card is about the "immediate future".

Fifth card: Five of Cups. This is the pair for the Four of Wands. This is the card of grief, loss, and negative thinking. This card signifies difficulty and loss, and as it is the pair of the Four of Wands, could this signify that the loss was about a family member? An element of home?

The only thing I can think of is that the readings saying either whoever that carried Lili miscarried or something happened to Lili that involves a loss so difficult that Meghan mourned as if she lost Lili.

Sixth card: Eight of Cups. The card of walking away, leaving the situation, and leaving things behind. This card heralds change and transition, prompted by dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or because it is that time to take that leap of faith. This could mean turning away from a present situation even if you have invested a lot of money and energy into it, just because it is time to move on.

This card comes in pair with the Page of Swords. This may tell us that we will hear of new rumours surrounding this child to turn our attention away from the distasteful choice of her name (which is entirely her parents' fault, she is in no way responsible for something she didn't have the power to choose) -- that book by Harry? An alternative interpretation is that Lili is left behind, people walking away from her because she disappointed them, whatever the reason was. I really really hope this was not the case.

Seventh card: Page of Cups. This card is about creativity, new projects, and inspiration, but also about immaturity, escapism, and emotional troubles. This card comes as the pair of the Queen of Pentacles: if the Queen of Pentacles is the surrogate, could this mean that carrying Lili caused her turmoil and emotional troubles?

Underlying energy 1: Nine of Wands. This is the card of being wounded, to hold your ground, and of resilience. This card often indicates that the querent must hold their ground against all the challenges thrown their way. This card may also speak of a recent illness. Was Lili ill? Is she ill? Was whoever carried her suffered from illness?

Underlying energy 2: Queen of Cups. This is the card of virtue, fertility, creativity, success, and power, but also of an inability to connect emotionally, a lack of empathy, and stress -- and this is coming across as Meghan. She perhaps might be stressed, she might perhaps is in a disconnect with Lili? If looked at from the Queen of Pentacles angle, the Queen of Cups further emphasised that Meghan, represented by the Queen of Cups here, might not be fertile or healthy enough to carry Lili full term, which further reinforces the Queen of Pentacles represents the surrogate analysis. Combined with the Nine of Wands, I am inclined to say that either Meghan is in distress and might not be able to connect with Lili, who needed her mother the most at these moments, or that Meghan might not be healthy or fertile enough to have a baby and carry it full term.

Conclusion: This reading tells me absolutely nothing I want to hear, but rather it makes me question things that are already established (I'm looking at you, Page of Pentacles). Nothing makes sense. I got an answer to a question I didn't even ask (that Queen of Pentacles) if that counts as an answer. Just as I feared, the cards showed me something I did not want to see, because I don't see anything that tells me "yes, this baby exists, she is healthy, and she is loved by her parents".

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

Deleted Scenes: A Character Study (Part 1)

Longer title -- “Deleted Scenes: if the Criminal Minds writers had any idea how to incorporate dramatic back story into a working narrative, A Character Study”

Every once in a while I get impassioned about something that happens in the show, or more importantly that doesn’t happen in the show -- but should have. This will probably be one of at least a handful, but for now, enjoy the pinnacle of my rage. Fueled by all the OPENINGS for Hotch to talk about his past and the writers taking advantage of NONE OF THEM, but this was my breaking point.

Rating: General 

Warnings: mentions of past child abuse

Pairing: none

Characters: Hotch, JJ

Episode, and placement: Season 10, Episode 05, “Boxed In”; after the episode 

Word count: 2,404

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796501/chapters/73302726

--

A Prime Example

--

Very few things get to Aaron Hotchner. Especially things that are said with no relatable context to him or the details people don’t know about his life. His past, in particular. He pushes them back in compartmentalized little boxes, carefully labeled and sorted and set aside to be unpacked at a later date. They aren’t important when he’s on a case. When a twelve-year-old boy is missing and his life hangs in the balance. When time is of the essence. 

Which is why, on numerous occasions, he lets the things people say slide. 

Especially on the topic of Nature versus Nurture. 

He, himself, has written a handful of papers and reports on the very argument. There’s no doubt that Nature and Nurture have complicated roles in why ‘bad people do bad things’, in layman's terms. But the stigma surrounding it, cutting it into a black and white, all or nothing scenario will always rub him the wrong way. Not because he believes in it, one way or the other, but because he lives it. Day after day. 

It’s not his team’s fault that they don’t know that. Hotch keeps those parts of his life to himself. Lessons only he has learned, and has grown from, and keeps as careful guidelines. 

Until this case.

“I guess we all become our parents at some point.”

The way JJ had said this -- steady, with no hesitation, despite the choice in phrasing indicating it could be a right or wrong assumption -- gave the statement an air of inevitability. Creating a precedent in her mind that set Hotch's teeth on edge, though it had not been the appropriate moment to correct her on it. But it's not the first time JJ has said something along those lines. 

“Does the son of a sociopath even really have a chance?” 

Not a lot gets to Aaron Hotchner. Every other remark, observation, detail of an unsub’s correlation between their upbringing and their crimes he doesn’t let sting his exposition. It has never affected him before, and he vowed it never will. His father doesn’t get to take that away from him, too.

But the inevitability of her statement, indicating it was only a matter of time. No matter what he has done with his life or the person he has worked so hard to become and imbody, ultimately it wouldn’t matter in the end. That one day, Aaron Hotchner would be just like his father. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live with himself, if that were to happen. 

That single, throw-away sentence, with a pedestrian phrasing he has heard over and over again, gets to Hotch. It buries itself in him like a tick and refuses to let go, not for tweezers or fire or smothering indifference. It is still there, echoing in his head as if shouted down a long tunnel, even after they get back to Quantico and are finishing up the closing paperwork later that week. He finds himself barely able to glance at JJ for longer than a moment without hearing her words once more, and Hotch berates himself for it. Over and over again. This is why he shuts it all down and doesn’t talk about it. This is why he keeps it buried, where it will never resurface. It interferes with the present, with his work and his friendships and his relationship with his son. 

His past needs to stay dead and buried in a plot in rural Virginia, where it belongs.

“I have those reports for you, Hotch,” JJ says, as if procured by his musings. He glances up for the briefest of moments, barely a blink, to acknowledge her and nod in thanks as she leaves the folders on his desk. Then he’s turning back to the SWAT team justification reports and expects that to be the last of it. Drowning himself in his work, where everything is strict codes and formal speech patterns and no emotional influence whatsoever.

Which is why he is surprised to hear JJ address him, again. Never having left his office. 

“Sir?” The formal term catches his attention even more. “Is everything alright? Did something happen after you missed Halloween night?”

“What?” The question genuinely throws him off, though it doesn’t show on his face. He had missed Halloween, the first time he had ever done so, but Jack understood. He was always much more accepting of the parameters of Hotch’s job than Haley ever was. It was all he’s ever known. “Oh, no -- Jack had a fun night. Slept on the couch so I could see him in his costume when he got home. How was Henry’s night?”

“He and Will had a great time,” JJ answers, her careful, worried expression not waning in the face of Hotch’s slightly more upbeat tone. It’s something he slips into subconsciously when speaking about Jack, or to Jack, or anywhere Jack might hear. Compartmentalization. “I just… noticed you seem off.”

Hotch nods once, in acknowledgement, because he knows he has. He’s working on it. There was no need for an intervention like this. He’s the Team Leader and Unit Chief, he wasn’t the one people were supposed to be checking on.

“Delayed reaction to the case,” he answers, looking back to the SWAT team report and signing off on another section for mobilization after hours. Overtime justifications. Bureaucracy needs the ‘i’s dotted and ‘t’s crossed. “Nothing to worry about.” 

JJ takes pause, and still doesn’t make for the door of his office. Like she needs to elaborate somehow, now that Hotch has left a small crack of an opening into his inner sanctum. 

“I know we all have cases that hit us too close to home,” she concedes, the start of a much longer speech. “Young boys, even the troublemakers --”

“No, JJ, I appreciate the concern,” Hotch interrupts, and does his best to appease her by keeping the hardness off his face. “But it’s nothing to do with Jack or facts we found. It’s a personal matter.” 

“Of course, it’s just --”

Years ago, that would have been that and JJ would have left his office. But time and history have blurred their relationship from boss and subordinate to friends and family. Personal matter no longer meant private, it meant a switch in barriers. It meant family. 

She steps closer to his desk.

“You are always there for us, for these kinds of cases.” Her blue eyes bore into his, a technique Hotch recognizes as a fellow parent, to get through and make sure the person they are speaking to is really listening. “But, do you ever allow anyone to be there for you?”

He sighs through his nose. She’s not going to let this go, he can see that. No profiling needed.

“Sit.” 

Closing the file, Hotch resigns himself to the fact that this was something inadvertently he’d been wanting to talk to JJ about, anyway. She had been a profiler for the team almost nearly as long as she’d been communications liaison, now, and although this could have waited for her performance review -- it tied into what was bothering him. The small smile of victory, and relief, slips from her lips as she sees the serious set to Hotch’s mouth. JJ is one hell of a profiler. The best ones did it without even knowing they were doing so.

“Wait… is this about me?” she looks mildly scandalized to even have to suggest it. Although really, it shouldn’t surprise her too much. Hotch knows he isn’t great about making things about himself, even when the conversation is supposed to be. So he gathers his thoughts, with such little prep time, and decides to start with where this whole debacle had begun. 

In the car. When JJ had made her off-handed comment.

“The events of our lives shape us, and bring us here. As they do for everyone. It’s a technique that also helps us narrow down our profiles. How we were raised, what he have gone through. Heredity factors.”

JJ is staring hard at him, now. Deciphering the point, attempting to look ten steps ahead when Hotch has barely revealed three.

“You’re talking about Nature versus Nurture.” 

“You could say that,” Hotch acquiesces. “In a lot of ways we are our parent’s lineage. Unless we choose not to be. I only became a prosecutor because my father was. But now, here I am.”

The parent’s lineage is a direct drop towards the conversation in the car. Both JJ and Hotch are intelligent adults, as is the entire team. Sometimes the most direct reference isn’t needed. Sometimes a key phrase is what links the mind back to the moment, replays it in the mind’s eye so it becomes fresh and there’s no confusion. Fewer words can connect more than a thousand, Hotch had learned that early on as well. 

“I was… I was speaking more toward behavior,” JJ elaborates, still unaware where the conversation is going. How this has correlated to Hotch’s odd mood. 

“I know you were. And my statement still stands,” Hotch answers plainly. “I’ve noticed that sometimes agents, myself included, let bias dictate their profiles. And we need to stray away from that kind of influence.” 

JJ’s slight frown becomes defensive. Confused, but not angry. She’s learning quickly, Hotch notices. 

“Nature and Nurture are a part of standard psychology practices. With a lot of information and testing to back it up. Spence could give you statistics for days, I’m sure. It’s proven.”

“Yes, as a theory. Not as a rule.” Hotch continues, giving her that steady, stern but gentle tone that borders on chastisement. 

“I have yet to see an exception to that rule, when it comes to children of violent offenders,” JJ buckles down. “If they are the target of that violence, it warps them, Hotch. Plain and simple. How do they recover from something like that?” She’s shaking her head, getting caught up in the emotional aspect of it all over again. The hopelessness of its appearance.

“Any way they can.” 

Now he has JJ’s attention, because she hears the shift as soon as it forms on his tongue. The air heavier, hazy like an old memory.

“Sometimes they leave home as soon as they graduate just to escape the situation, and spend their whole adult lives trying to eradicate it. By burying themselves in, say… Law School.” JJ’s stare goes vacant, and Hotch at least has the decency to look away from her as he continues. He has a point to make. “So they can put away people like their abuser. But when that’s not enough, prosecuting after the fact, they start to focus on ways to catch the offenders in the act. Save victims in the real world. Use what they know from experience, but in the field, so no one else slips through the cracks.”

“H-Hotch, I--”

“If there was a file on me as detailed as these on my desk, and there probably is somewhere in this building,” Hotch barrels on, not letting JJ get a word in edgewise. “Then the first seventeen years of my homelife would look nearly identical to John David Bidwell's childhood.” He didn’t need to go into further detail, though bullet points from the case all bust flash between them in neon. 

Strict, domineering father figure. Church every Sunday, as a control and appearance factor. At home: a constant deluge of beratements, fear, shouting and fists. Something was always wrong, someone always deserved a punishment. No one was safe. They did what they could, followed the rules to a tee, but that wasn't always enough.

They survived, because that's all that they could do.

And he had.

“If you really require a physical, living exception to the rule, I’d like to hope we know each other well enough that you would consider myself that exception.” It’s the closest he’s ever come to admitting what happened in his father’s household, and Hotch knows that’s as far as he will let it go. No elaboration needed. “Even if I can be ‘a bit of a bully’.” 

Stunned and shocked, the last part probably wasn’t needed. But, again, Hotch has a point he’s trying to get across -- and he wants it to make an impact.

“Hotch, I’m so sorry,” JJ croaks out, and he still can’t look right at her.

“Don’t be, you didn’t know,” he soothes her, swallowing a little hard. “No one on the team does, not even Dave.”

“--No one?”

“The only one who probably did was Gideon, but not because I told him. He was just that good of a profiler. You will be, too, one day -- I see that level of potential in you. Profilers are always learning, evolving, developing their skills.” Hotch finally turns his head, and catches sight of JJ with her eyes bright and her nose red. Her tell-tale physical signs that she’s been holding back tears. “Let this be one of those moments.” 

She nods, wipes at her eyes discreetly, and collects herself with more strength than Hotch or anyone else ever gives her credit for.

“Was he ever convicted? Your father?”

“No,” Hotch says, level. “He died of colon cancer ten years ago. He never even met Jack. Neither did my mother, though I am sorry for that.” 

Silence stretches in the wake of Hotch’s reveal, and JJ only breaks it when she can’t seem to keep it back any more.

“You’re… you’re not really a bully. You know.”

“Yes, I am,” Hotch tells her, the smallest traces of a smile smoothing the sharp edges of his face. “But only when I choose to be. When it matters.” 

JJ huffs out a watery laugh, scoots to the edge of her seat as if to stand, but hesitates once more.

“You didn’t have to tell me. But thank you. I’m… I’m glad you felt that you could.” 

The sentiment warms the inside of Hotch’s chest, ice cold from the memories he never dredged up if he could afford it. It helps ease them back under the floorboards of his mind, where they belong.

“Thank you for listening.” 

She was right. He didn’t confide in anyone, and he doesn’t know if this will help him -- more than likely, not -- but it helped JJ. And that’s what mattered. His team. His family. Growing, learning, becoming all the better for it. The best people he had ever known. 

The family he had chosen for himself.

“Goodnight, Hotch.”

“Night, JJ.”

-end scene-

[fuchsiagrasshopper]

Falling Together Part I

Author’s Note: After receiving such kind words from Tall Tale, I had another idea that I ran with. There will be a part two, so if you want to be added to the tag list for this as well as future works to come, please let me know. 

Summary: You enter into an arranged marriage with Ivar, a marriage of convenience, but can you both come together to make it more?

Pairing: Ivar x Reader

Word Count: 3137

Warnings: Language, mild angst

"You need to fuck your wife, brother."

Those were the words that came out of Hvitserk's mouth after they had been sitting in silence. How he longed for better advice from Ubbe, but his eldest brother remained back in Kattegat with Torvi. They had parted as equals, peace finally coming to the sons of Ragnar. For Ivar, Kattegat held only pain and misery, so he had taken to the sea with a handful of ships and a map to Ireland, and once again Hvitserk had chosen to remain at his side. He didn't know what inspired such loyalty from his brother, but he was grateful for his company, most days. Today was not one of them.

"Are you listening, Ivar? I said--"

"Yes, I heard you," Ivar interjected before he could repeat himself. "I'm just choosing to ignore your advice."

Hvitserk shrugged as he pulled meat off of a chicken bone with his teeth. "Alright, but you know I'm right. She's going to want someone to warm her bed eventually, and she won't wait around for it to be you."

"Christian women don't like sex," Ivar said with a huff.

"Not the ones I've been with," Hvitserk said, smirking around a mouthful of meat. "They don't like sex with devout Christian men, but we are not such men."

Ivar frowned into his mug of ale as he thought about you. You were his wife in name only, an alliance forged with your father for lands in the first few weeks they had arrived in Ireland. The wedding had been small, in accordance with Viking tradition, not Christian. You weren't as devout as the Saxons of England, but you had insisted on keeping your cross.

There was no love in your marriage. At first you had appeared hopeful if not reluctant to be sharing in this union, but as many moons had passed, you'd begun to realize you were alone in your efforts. Ivar didn't hate you, even if you were a Christian, but he did not want to be in love again, not after Freydis. She was everything he had ever wanted, and she had betrayed him.

"Why the sudden interest in what goes on in my marriage?" Ivar said, setting down his mug as he watched Hvitserk.

"I'm sure King Conall will be starting to wonder about grandchildren soon," said Hvitserk, leaning back in his chair. "And you have a pretty wife. Others have taken notice already, and she might start to consider picking one. Women don't like to be lonely."

Ivar scowled, hating the apprehension his brother's words stirred up. "She is free to take a lover if she wishes." His voice wavered. Even he didn't believe himself.

"You have changed, Ivar, but not enough that I don't believe you wouldn't kill the man she was with."

Hvitserk wasn't wrong. He still lacked self-confidence as far as women were concerned, and he would take it as a personal slight if you humped some lesser warrior in his army. You never voiced any discontent in his presence, and Ivar was sure he would notice any man becoming too enamored with you.

He rose from his throne, a sudden need to get away from the doubts that the turn in conversation had brought up. Hvitserk looked at him with a grin while folding his arms back behind his head.

"Going to take care of your wife?"

"Be silent," Ivar grumbled. "My marriage is a solid alliance. There's nothing that needs fixing."

"If it's as you say, then forget what I said," said Hvitserk, returning his attention to his plate of food.

Ivar growled as he started for his chambers. He hated not getting the last word in, but nothing he could have said would've proven Hvitserk wrong. Truthfully, he knew little about you or how you spent your days. When he was preoccupied with the duties of ruling, you were off amongst the people, though not without a guard. Ivar was surprised that you had taken an active role in being Queen. Freydis never had, nor had his mother. Your father was a great King, and you must have studied under his exemplary tutelage. 

His crutch ticked down the corridor with each slow step, the damp causing his legs to stiffen. Ireland was greener than Norway, but the warmth of the sun would disappear for days behind a wall of grey cloud that brought heavy rain. The long torrents left him miserable with agony, something he fought to conceal from his men.

He leaned on the door as he came into his room, the fire low since the last time it had been tended to by a slave. The bed was empty. This had remained the same since the wedding night. There was a smaller room attached to his main chambers, meant to be used for any future children you birthed. Instead it had become your own personal wing, with no one growing wise to the fact that you slept away from your marital bed.

Ivar slept better alone. The space allowed for him to shift about if the pain became unbearable. Tonight was different. He couldn't keep his eyes from the door to your chamber, even as he eased himself down onto the furs. Reaching for his crutch, he rose again, letting out a low hiss as he forced his body forward. Just one peek would be enough to satisfy him. 

Ivar doubted you'd bring any man to your room, as it meant you'd have to drag them past his bed first. Hvitserk's comments had burrowed into his head however, and he needed to be sure. He eased his way through the door, and took a step into your space for the first time. It was a smaller room, not meant to be used as sleeping quarters for an adult, but you had made it into something personal. There was no hearth for a fire. You kept warm under a pile of furs, twice as thick as he needed. There you slept in the middle of the small bed, unaware as he watched this private moment of solitude.

You didn't appear to be in despair. A ghost of a smile sat on your lips. It was a look Ivar was familiar with, even if he hadn't been on the receiving side of it for some time. At first you had tried to smile for him, all attempts to forge a bond with your new husband. He didn't know when you had stopped trying, but now it was a smile you only reserved for others. You never referred to him by name anymore either. It was always 'My King' or 'My Lord', the latter of which he detested.

He breathed a sigh. This was not how he imagined his life would turn when he set out to new lands. There was still the desire to grow his father's legacy, and thus far his Kingship in Ireland was progressing much better than it had in Kattegat. He had been driven by blind ambition and false beliefs that he was anything other than a crippled mortal. The loss was humbling, and even with his new found success he refused to rest on his laurels. 

Now that his curiosity was satisfied, he pivoted back towards the door to leave. The thin light coming from the fire in his room illuminated the table beside your bed where you kept your cross. There was something else there as well, a small thing that stopped Ivar in his place. It was a hammer of Thor, whittled from wood and tied to a piece of twine. The craftsmanship was poor, but the meaning of it was something else entirely. Someone had gifted it to you, and you had kept it in a place within reach.

He wanted to inspect it further, maybe even take it back to burn it in his hearth, but he wouldn't risk Thor's wrath, or the chance that you could wake up. Hvitserk's warning about you taking a lover came back with a vengeance and had his stomach feeling like it was filled with rocks. He would have to sleep with this knowledge until he could question you about it, a conversation he did not desire to have. How to broach it would be more difficult still, and combined with the pain in his legs, Ivar found no rest that night.

ooOOoo

Ivar was behaving strangely. Your father had come to visit, which meant there was an unspoken agreement between you and your husband to behave cordially. You had done so many times when the situation called for you both to act as united rulers, but the efforts on your husband's part had never felt this...forced. 

During the feast his hand kept pawing for yours beneath the table until you gave up and let him cling to your limp fingers. He was attentive, patient, and even addressed you by name. You concealed your frown as best you could between bites of food. One glance down the table at Hvitserk and you understood that he was perplexed by Ivar's behavior as well. It pleased your father to witness such fondness from your husband towards you, and that had you holding your tongue. You would give your King an earful later.

"Daughter," Your father said, raising his arms to embrace you after you had managed to pry out of Ivar's iron grasp. "You are a smart match together, I am glad you are happy."

"Thank you, father," You whispered into his ear before parting.

"Might I see a grandchild soon?"

You flushed from what looked like embarrassment, but was actually shame. It was a constant hurt inside you, that you had failed to be desirable to your husband.

"Maybe, if we are blessed," You said evenly.

"I'm sure you will be. This is a successful alliance, and I have no doubt your union will be fruitful. We have a son of Ragnar on our side, that is no small thing, but remember you are my daughter, and you will always have a place in my court."

He placed his large hands over your shoulders, as he often did when you were a small child. His cheeks were flushed as red as his beard from drinking, and a merry grin was upon his lips. It had just been you and him for so long, after your mother had passed from sickness a lifetime before. You used to think you could tell your father everything, but now that you were a Queen, your loyalties had shifted to protect your husband and the integrity of your new settlement. 

With your practiced smile and a reassuring hand upon his arm, you eased whatever burdens he felt for giving you away to heathens. "I am well father, and my place is here with my people."

"Then I shall depart, and leave you with your husband."

"Hvitserk," You called, and he stood with uncoordinated abruptness. "Please escort my father and his men to the gates."

He seemed to understand your true intentions, shooting you a nod to confirm. You had grown fond of your brother-in-law in a short time, and had come to see him as someone you could rely on. He had no qualms about answering anything you wanted to know. If you had asked, he would have spilled every secret about Ivar as well, but you had refrained from going down that path. You would rather get the truth from the horse's mouth as it were, and now you were about to be alone with him.

Ivar's eyes did not lose the mischief behind them. They were cold blue, like the winters of his home you thought. But the patient smile you had been rewarded with at dinner had vanished, replaced with something shrewd.

"What are you playing at, husband?" You stressed the word as you steeled your stance against him.

"I'm not sure I understand, (Y/N). It is a husband's duty to dote upon his wife as he sees fit," He remarked while his hands gripped tight to the armrests of his throne.

"You can stop pretending now that we are alone. Lord knows I have," You mumbled the last bit, but Ivar had heard. Maybe you had wanted him to.

"Come sit, and talk with me," He said, indicating to your throne next to his. 

The seriousness of the request left you with little choice, and you gathered up your skirts while keeping your head high as you made your way beside him. There was a constant cloud of anger that seemed to follow your husband wherever he went, but you didn't think he would hurt you. Sometimes when he would look at you, a wave of sadness would fall over his face, and it was as if he was seeing through you to something else.

"What do you wish to speak of, My Lord?"

Ivar winced, but he recovered by bringing his hand down on top of yours. This again. You kept your hand still as he laced your fingers together, the roughness of his palm stroking against your soft one.

"Are you happy here?" He asked, and the hesitation in the question was tangible. 

"Yes. The people are content, and the settlement is thriving."

"That's not what I asked." His tone was curt and to the point. It seemed he wanted to discuss the nature of your marriage, but the timing of it was mysterious to you. "I know the people talk of an heir, as I'm sure your father also mentioned."

"The people will always talk, My Lord. All you have to do is listen and decide what's worth hearing," You said, feeling your fingers start to tingle as his grip held firm. "As for my father, he is as any old King would be. Anticipating a grandchild so that he can pass from this world knowing his blood will live on."

His brow was furrowed into a frown. "When we are alone, call me Ivar."

"Alright...Ivar," You said, sampling the feel of his name on your tongue. You hadn't addressed him as such since your wedding.

"If we had a child, would that make you happy?"

His eyes were downcast as he spoke, which you were glad for, as he didn't see how his words had embarrassed you.

"I never said I was unhappy," You remarked. "And I don't think a child is something we are ready for yet."

"Because we are not in love," He sighed.

"Well, yes and no. I always knew I would marry a stranger with whom I wouldn't be in love. But marriage is a tool to strengthen kingdoms, and spread prosperity to its people. If you have that, you don't need love."

His eyes scrutinized you with something indiscernible, and he let go of your hand. You thought that perhaps your words had hurt him, but you didn't know why. When you had first been brought forth by your father to meet with Ivar, you had thought he was handsome. Perhaps a bit too quick to act in anger, as you had witnessed during the meeting, but you had hoped he was a man you would grow to love. Months later, and you were sleeping in separate beds with your virtue still intact, so it frustrated you to see him be upset by what you had said. 

"Is that why you accept gifts from other men," His tone was harsh, and you thought he hated you then by the dark look in his eyes.

You jumped up from your throne, and rounded on him with fury. This marriage had insulted you long enough. "What are you accusing me of?"

He searched for something just beneath the collar of his tunic, and what he showed you was the hammer pendant of one of his Gods that hung from his neck. "I know you have one. Which man gave it to you? I will not have my reign tarnished by a whore Queen, not again."

Your stomach burned from the insult, and much of what he said you did not understand. His insinuation had stung, and you had little care for finding out about what he meant by 'again'. 

You pulled the small bracelet out of the sleeve of your dress. The twine was too short to be a necklace, but you wore it all the same because it was special to you.

"You mean this I presume. How you came to discover it, I can only assume you have entered my chambers without my consent."

"I'm your husband, and King, I don't need your consent," He shot back.

"Then let me tell you about the man who gifted it to me one day while I walked the market. His name is Einarr, a son of one of your warriors. He is eight years old, not even old enough to have an armring yet."

You took a small bit of satisfaction to see him struggle to retort. Whatever argument and claims he had built up against you in his head disappeared after your explanation. He sunk back in his throne, and you were pleased to see he had the humility to look guilty.

"Then why keep it hidden?"

"It's special to me, proof that even as a foreign Queen to your people, I can be respected. We haven't established a relationship to share such things," You exclaimed, everything that you had been holding back spilling out in an instant. It took a deep breath to calm yourself, to bring you back to the matters at hand. "I think we should stop...for now. Our alliance has thrived by us acting separately, and perhaps that is how it should stay."

"I regret the things I've said," Ivar hurried to say, his voice now thin from weariness. 

It was a small comfort, and you both knew it. "If there is nothing else, My Lord, I should like to retire?"

There was nothing he could have said in that moment that could have kept you there and not made you resentful, so with a wave of his hand, he dismissed you. 

When you were far enough away, you let your shoulders sag, and let out a quiet sigh of defeat. Despite how he had hurt you with his words, neither of you walked away the victor. The hill to surmount in your marriage had just become a mountain, and you weren't certain it could ever be conquered. Judging by the crashing and shouting coming from the Great Hall, Ivar's black mood had returned. Maybe he felt the same. You held the small wooden hammer in your hand all the way back to your chambers, praying to any God that would listen to guide you on your way to mending your marriage before it was too late.

Tag List

@blah-blah-fuckit-shit 

@tgrrose

[zorkaya-moved]

    In a world that doesn’t lie in black and white,  loveless creatures are born by odd concepts   ;  love as the nurturer  found in the darkest corners of the world to its disdain.  This serenity that envelopes and makes the pinkette run wild the raw emotions trapped in the  long ago.    ❛❛    I believe the coldness of winter is worth bearing.  I also believe the warmth of the sun in summer that bathes me more than asked is worth enduring.  Two sides of the same coin brings the most complex questions and,  at the same time,  the most simple answers.    ❜❜    A careful respite connects two phrases.    ❛❛    What I’ve experience has shaped me to the woman that stands before you today.  Everything up to this point it’s the bridge that connects me and you.  Coincidences.  I am glad I’ve got the chance to meet you,  Zarina.  And I wish for your future to be one granted with greatness.    ❜❜    // h hi.

@spxrosae

It takes a game of luck and good karma to find someone so bright and so worthy of her loyalty. Spring wasn't always a beautiful visage for her who represented the winter and its frigidness. All hailed the spring and its coming, drowning Morana in the lake to let Vesna step onto the cold grounds to let the first flowers bloom. Humans loved spring because it was the beginning of life after death's deadly and cold touch would be finally tossed away. She always thought the spring would kill her, the one who represented spring would not be a sister but an enemy. She was proven wrong with the appearance of Crystal Slevant, a force to be reckoned with - a fellow maiden of power, influence, and understanding of how it feels to lose what you care about and how it feels to yearn for something. Alas, they were different but their paths were paved in the bloody abyss. So they walked down that path with their heads held high. Both the flames and the ice did not touch them, it felt good to have someone equally strong on her side who would not be affected by her mutation like Victor could be or her mother. It felt even more freeing, it felt safe, it felt comforting.

What's gotten into Crystal? It was such a simple question that she doesn't hide while listening to her friend. Patient in her silence, she wishes to hear where this is going. She always spoke in such poetics in moments like these, it made her pay attention to the beauty of those words until she understood where the maiden was leading to. A moment is needed to stare at her friend before she even finds herself breathing out. Since when did she hold back her breath before that amethyst gaze? Perhaps, the moment Zarina understood where Slevant was leading— towards her heart, nonetheless. A strike of warmth straight into the ice-cold heart that didn't allow many in, which didn't choose many people to remain in this closeness.

" You... " She can't help but laugh, feeling a sudden wave of warmth filling her to the brink. The way Crystal speaks, the way she presents herself, the way she looks at her. It all leaves a lasting impression. Always. There was no one as brilliant and as shining as Crystal was right now, aside from Sokolova herself (as a jest). How could Zarina not speak and see her as a bright shining diamond that she was and is and will always be in the eyes of molten gold? Perhaps, spring is indeed beautiful if it's represented by her friend here, by her family that she accepted a long time ago. " You truly know how to make me speechless in the sweetest ways, don't you, Crystal? "

It was strange, but comforting: to hear, to experience, to adore. It makes her think about how their lives are indeed the consequences of their choices, consequences, and coincidences. They walked down this path and they were here. Both would not change anything in their lives because it would alter their current. Sokolova was truly glad she did not want anything to change because then she could've lost that fateful encounter and that fateful day when they met.

" I prefer to go a bit of a more straightforward way to tell you this, so forgive my lack of poetry, " with a smile on her face, a tender and sweet one, Zarina grabs the other arm and tugs her closer to wrap her hands around her. There is a smile on the Russian's face as she lets herself feel the warmth coming from Slevant's body, basking in the familiar scent of the perfume and the familiar sense of sisterly adoration. " I'm glad we met. It is indeed one of my luckiest meetings, meeting you granted me peace that I didn't expect to feel before. Thank you for walking your path and thank you for being here, Crystal. "

Then, Zarina distances herself while placing her hands on the other's shoulders. Her smile is indeed as sweet as honey, softness and tenderness are seen in that ichor-like gaze.

" You shouldn't exclude yourself in this speech of greatness. If we are to walk together, our future will certainly be filled with greatness. As long as we share our bond, I'm sure we will remain strong and unshakable, " she chuckles then, noticing that she did speak in some sort of poetry just like Slevant did. Ah, their silver tongues just spit out poems here and there like it's their daily job. Nonetheless, it was nice. They understood each other no matter what. " I did speak a bit poetically, but know this, Crystal: I love you as my sister, as my family, as my best friend. No matter where or when we end up, know you can lean on me as I do on you. "

[sunnysaylorboy]

my opinion on/a surprisingly passionate defense of Mulan (2020) (SPOILERS)

I’ve seen a lot of ppl ragging on the new Mulan for so many reasons, so I will go over why these (mostly) are stupid reasons and why I love the new movie.

1. Liu Yifei supporting the Hong Kong police. Now this is not a stupid reason, this is valid. I am an East Asian studies major, and as much as I love Disney, when I first heard the news I knew I could not watch Mulan (2020) in good conscience. It went against everything I have learned in my studies, and everything I believe. However, now I am almost positive Liu Yifei was forced to make those comments- I've seen several sources saying so recently. You can look for these sources on your own, because this isn’t the whole point of my post, but I think it's true. A movie about a woman defying her government and social expectations of the time? Hong Kong citizens could absolutely use her as a symbol for protesting against China. It makes sense that the government would take preventative measures before this could happen. But anyways, I was not planning on watching Mulan (2020) until I found out that what she said was most likely fake/forced.

2. The removal of Mushu. Yes, I too miss Mushu but I completely understand why they did that. A lot of ppl make these sort of complaints about the live action remakes not using humor in the same way as the original, but that’s bc it doesn’t translate well. Humor in animated movies is exaggerated or silly, and it works in that medium but if you do the exact same in a live action film, it will come off as too slapstick. Think Will Ferrell in Elf (still a good movie). Mushu’s whole character is based off of this humor that appeals more to kids, and it would have really made the dialogue with him super cringey. and I know if they made him a more serious supportive character people would've complained about that too, so I understand why they did it.

3. The removal of Li Shang. I miss our bisexual boy too, but I actually think they did a really great job with the new guy Honghui. The directors removed Li Shang because he is in a sense, Mulan’s boss, and they felt that it was too much like the #MeToo movement, which I applaud. At first I was upset that supposedly this new character would be a jerk to Mulan until he found out she was a girl, but that's not what happened in the film fortunately. Honghui and Mulan start off on the wrong foot but they grow as comrades and sort-of friends, and Honghui is the first to stick by Mulan’s side when she reveals who she is. Even if there aren’t as many signals of him being bi, I think they progressed their relationship nicely. (I was sorta hoping for a kiss at the end though).

4. Mulan’s “chi.” Apparently people do not like that Mulan already has a sort of warrior streak inside of her already, as opposed to the 1998 version where she struggles to get used to the army. I think this is an overgeneralization. Mulan does struggle to become a soldier, as we can see in the training montage. Similar to the pole and the arrow at the top, she cannot reach the top of the mountain carrying the buckets with her arms outstretched like everyone else at first- then when she manages to do it, she knows she has proven herself. Plus, I like that they gave her more character. We don’t see any of Mulan’s childhood years in the original, so it is a little hard to understand why she is such an outcast. She only had one incident with the matchmaker and suddenly she is questioning her identity. But the 2020 version establishes that Mulan has been different from the start and everyone has known it since then. It makes it more believable that she brings dishonor on her family so easily. And just because she has strong chi doesn’t necessarily mean she is already a warrior. She is told to hide her chi as a child, and she does not tap into it easily- her commanding officers can sense something is holding her back. She is special, yes, but she isn’t “the chosen one.” She still works hard and she still relies a lot on her strategy instead of brute force just like in the animated version.

5. Lack of musical numbers. I do miss the musical numbers. But they did well with incorporating the musical themes from the original into the movie. The little “Honor to Us All” theme playing while she gets ready for the matchmaker? Perfect. The bit of “Reflection” playing when she reaches the top of mountain? Beautiful. And “Reflection” playing at the end when she is recognized as a hero? I was bawling. Also, this isn’t the first remake that Disney hasn’t made as a musical- the 2015 Cinderella did not include “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” (except in the credits like Mulan did), or “Bibbidi-Bobbido-Boo,” or “So This is Love.” I know that Cinderella is an older movie and may not be as beloved to this generation as Mulan, but those song are still incredibly iconic to the Disney brand and I didn't see anyone complaining about those songs being removed. Idk, I don’t think it’s a big enough deal to be upset over it, especially because they included instrumentals of the songs for the live-action version.

6. The addition of the witch. I can’t believe people are complaining about the personification of the hawk from the first movie- seriously, watch the remake and you’ll see how great Xian Liang’s character is. I love the parallels drawn between her and Mulan. Despite fighting for opposite sides, she sees herself in Mulan, and Mulan sees how she might end up if she had chosen the route of evil. I think they did it wonderfully and I’m definitely not gay for Gong Li...

7. The cost. This one, I understand. $30 is a lot to pay for a movie, but I get it because they’re losing money from not going to theaters for a few months. I paid the $30 because I felt like I had waited long enough to see it, I was foaming at the mouth the night of its release, and I had $30 I was willing to spend on it. Ofc Disney is a multi-million dollar company, so I don’t begrudge anyone pirating it bc screw capitalism.

I just had to get this off my chest because so many criticisms of this film seem so unjustified, weak, or deliberately negative. I swear, not just with Mulan, I see so many people who hate the live-action remakes- it’s like they’re trying to find things to hate about them, and I'm frankly getting sick of it. Like damn bitch why you gotta be so negative about everything?? The acting is great, the music is phenomenal and timeless, the costumes are so extravagant, the action sequences make you hold your breath in anticipation... y'all will find anything to whine about and I'm TIRED. And it seems like some of y'all are purposefully ignoring WHY they made these changes. These changes were made to adhere to the Legend of Mulan more closely, to make up for some of the racial insensitivity/cultural inaccuracies in the original, and to appeal to their Asian audience. the 1998 version is a VERY Americanized way to tell they story- so stop complaining, you got “your version” that appeals to you.

Some things I loved were

1. Mulan’s sister. It’s not often we see Disney princesses with siblings. Even though she didn’t have much screen time, I loved Xiu and the relationship she had with Mulan.

2. The phoenix symbolism. In Mulan (1998), there is heavy dragon symbolism as Mulan is preparing to run away to the army. This insinuates that Mulan is the dragon, the protector of the family, and that is why the Great Stone Dragon doesn’t awaken later. In this version, she is instead guarded and represented by a phoenix. In Chinese mythology (correct me if I'm wrong), the phoenix stands for yin and yang, harmony and is often the female counterpart to the dragon. The wings specifically represent duty, which is why the wings of the phoenix spread behind Mulan when she saves the emperor singlehandedly. Though I don’t know if they intended this, in Greek mythology the phoenix is a symbol of death and rebirth. Mulan is reborn again as Hua Jun, but ultimately in this version she is not discovered as a girl, she chooses to fight as one. The moment she does, “Hua Jun died, and Mulan was born again,” as she sees the phoenix once more. Mulan is the phoenix, and she brings harmony after defeating the Rourans. It’s beautiful.

3. The avalanche scene. A lot of the battle scene was different, but I loved that they kept in the avalanche from the original. Mulan’s planning in this one shows how big her brain is, and how well her strategy works.

4. Xian Liang and Honghui. As I already mentioned, I really loved how they portrayed these characters.

5. The fight scenes. God they really got the perfect actress to play Mulan. Liu Yifei leaning back to avoid an arrow from a Rouran? Impeccable. Mulan’s display of her techniques when she and Honghui get into it when they’re supposed to be practicing? So cool. 

All in all, I loved this movie just like I love all of the other Disney princess live-action remakes. Disney obviously spent a lot of money on the action sequences, the costumes, the backgrounds, the historical accuracies, the casting, the storyline, everything is amazing. I will definitely be watching again.

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Is edelgard a racist and/or xenophobic? Yeah definitely a little bit. But you gotta frame it in the context that about 90% of the characters we meet are too. Tbh I wasn't aware people really focused in on this aspect of her character until recently. I am not denying or dismissing it, it's an important theme, but for edelgard it's more in the peripherals of her story arc. However, the fact that it exists so casually perhaps makes a point in and of itself

Fodlan is isolationist. It has been isolationist for as long as its people can remember. That has created a mindset that is very distinct amongst people born and raised there. Them vs us. If you are not for us, you are other. Something else. Unacceptably different. That logic applies to broad political topics such as race and to more personal issues as well. That’s the norm of fodlan. Edelgard is not immune to racism; very few in the cast are. We see it in lorenz with his blatant distaste of outsiders. We see it in ingrid with her assumption that people who are different are the enemy, guilty without any proof and guilty to each and every person. We even see it in people like hilda and sylvain, who harbor no ill will but simply don’t think too hard about their actions or attitudes towards sreng or almyra. We see it in how people treat petra like an interesting commodity, dedue like a danger to society, cyril like mud beneath their shoes, and claude like a violent interloper. This is the environment edelgard fits into. That’s not an excuse by any means, but it does provide a certain context for the scale of the issue. The problem isn’t that it’s rare, the problem is that it’s the norm. Xenophobia is so ingrained that even people that might be decent otherwise don’t see the system as wrong

Now, if we are comparing, amongst the lords edelgard is definitely the most ignorant of this issue and, arguably, might not always pay problems outside of the crest system the attention they deserve. On this front especially, she can’t compare to dimitri who has seen the aftereffects of such hatred firsthand. And neither of them will ever know how it is for claude to live it every day of his life. Edelgard is more or less on par with hilda or sylvain. She holds no malice towards people from outside of fodlan and is open to seeing them as allies and friends. She’s even willing to consider opening peace talks with almyra. It's not that she's entirely intolerant, it's that she just doesn’t think too hard about her learned biases and her own position of power. The best example of this? Petra and claude

Edelgard treats petra like a friend and equal but, at no point, does she ever really seek to understand petra’s situation. In her letter to petra before the timeskip, she reminds petra so easily that Brigid is under imperial rule and, in the same breath, tells petra to make her own way and choose for herself. That's where the disconnect comes into play. Edelgard likely meant every word she wrote but given their situations? It’s disrespectful at best and a threat at worst. Edelgard never asked petra what her opinions of the empire are, about her situation, about her aspirations except to compare them to her own, or about brigid at all. Again, their interactions held no malice but it also lacked consideration. It's not that edelgard was being cruel but she didn't understand nor did she think to ask

Then there’s her words to claude in verdant wind and to byleth her paralogue. The irony of criticizing almyra for its invasion when she invaded another sovereign state just last month is not lost on me. And her words to claude in verdant wind? Honestly even if she had never said anything out loud, her attitude towards claude throughout the game more than spoke to her mindset on that front. But I think people latch onto it too much as a sign that edelgard is extraordinarily racist while I feel she was meant to represent a norm in those moments. “You can’t possibly be good for fodlan you weren't raised here,” is an unfair assessment which implies a lot of untrue things about immigrants, but comparatively? Edelgard’s opinion is downright tame and it's entirely possible that she even didn't understand that this is discrimination. I'm aware that claude spent at least seven years intensely studying fodlan's history, customs, and people and that he's more than proven himself as a leader—I'm not saying edelgard's right, don't misunderstand. I'm saying that the takeaway isn't that edelgard is singular in this. Rather, this opinion is fodlan's norm. The point is that even edelgard, who preeches against allowing one's birth to determine their future, would accuse claude of being unfit for a role simply for being born elsewhere and see nothing odd. In her mind, there's no reason keeping an "outsider" out of leadership roles should contradict her ideals. This scene exists to showcase how deeply intolerance is ingrained into all of fodlan's people, not to imply that edelgard is the outlier

Now, there is ofc one other thing that can’t be overlooked when talking about this topic: edelgard’s view of the nabateans. A million things can be said about that. Perhaps the agarthans whispered lies to her that she believed. Perhaps her hatred for rhea blinded her. We know for a fact she at least never knew the whole story. Whatever the reason, edelgard undeniably views nabateans as Other. They are not human, not like us. She heavily implies that they do not deserve to participate in fodlan’s future in part because of rhea’s mistakes, but also in part because they are not human. That they've lived on this earth just as long as the current human race has doesn’t seem to occur to her, only their relation to rhea. And yeah rhea had no right to use the people's faith the way she did and someone should say it, but we know for a fact that rhea isn't the only nabatean. Of the ones we know, only three have anything to do with the church! To decide that all the nabateans are overlords based soley off rhea is... something

The way I see it, edelgard's questionable takes on the nabateans are as likely to be due to xenophobia as it is a mixture of her being understandably angry, her relationship with rhea, the empire's history, and TWSITD's influence on her. However, whatever the case, there's no denying that it's messed up for edelgard to view an entire group of people this way and I know some people don't like CF partially because of this—and that's fair! To me though, it’s another aspect of her character that plays well into her backstory and all-or-nothing viewpoints. As for the rest of it though? If you dislike her for buying into fodlan’s crap about outsiders that’s definitely fair too, but don’t forget that her degree of ignorance is hardly the exception. It is very much the norm and, yes, that statement probably includes some (or a lot) of your faves