#unreal rpg

[shawnthebro]

Sometimes the best animation for a character is no animation, but ragdoll physics!

[probablybadrpgideas]

"Truth serum" but what it actually does is make it so that whatever you say while drinking it was retroactively always the truth.

Naturally, what everyone experiences is drinking it and then are unable to say anything false, so everyone thinks its a truth serum. Mechanically, its a truth serum. Never tell your players its not a truth serum.

But you know.

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Most effective shield?

Depends on what you're shielding against-

Physical- Iron

Fire- Stone

Freeze- Dragonfeather Down

Pathogenic- Vaccination

Magic- Disbelief

Emotional- Covering your ears and going "LALALA"

Evil Carnival With Aging Carousel- Humor and Whimsy

Spam- Adblock Plus

Cuteness- Succumb to it, you'll be happier.

[jam2go]

_.-= Kitten Burst =-._

An RPG/Racing game about a flying cat set in the year 200X. Explore sites on the web, race through circuits, & battle bullet hell bosses to Save Cyberspace!

Out now! http://store.steampowered.com/app/1592360/Kitten_Burst/

GLHF http://kittenburst.com

[universalthaumaturge]

Nobilis Dash Simulator

❤️‍🔥 theworkofhellisholy Follow

i love you shipping discourse i love you having to make accounts for everything i love you small talk i love you esophageal cancer i love you deforestation i love you scabs you can't help but pick even though you're not supposed to i love you scabs as in strikebreakers i love you unbearably hot weather in winter i love you people who film strangers in public without their consent i love you prion disease i love you car-based infrastructure i love you gallstones i love you stock market i love you enshittification i lov

36 notes

🌳 sneacensnoveonthesnorldsnash Follow

just ate an elfsciene panini for the first time and cried i love u world

🌺 flore7 Follow

i'm dying of cake so i can't really eat it without being crushed to death by a giant cake mountain but aelfscienne's is so good i don't even care anymore LOL

🌳 sneacensnoveonthesnorldsnash Follow

i want you carnally

🪲 lord-entropy-official Follow

Why do I even bother anymore.

607,789 notes

🐶 surolam Follow

Remember to use miracles responsibly! There has been a surprising increase in dementia animus cases lately.

lakedrinker10000-deactivated60231212

and what if we don't?

👨‍⚖️ locourtbailiff Follow

oh thats simple! TEN THOUSAND LOCUST ATTACK 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

12,144 notes

🕵️ illegalregal Follow

ok i know we're meant to "enact vengeance no more than sevenfold unto their crime" or whatever but what the fuck does that MEAN????

🕵️ illegalregal Follow

like, if an excrucian eats the leftovers i had on my fridge, do i eat their food? do i punch them (but softly enough that it's not over 7x as worse as having your leftovers stolen!)?? is there a conversion guide somewhere. how the hell do you MEASURE that?????

7 notes

🦑 yog-sazasthur Follow

Kids these days TOO FOCUS on their damned CELL-PHONES..... They should be Eating... Having Sex... And Wriggling !

30,054 notes

👽 prescottsdaddy Follow

do you think cneph and harumaph ever explored eachother's bodies

cneph Follow

we did

👽 prescottsdaddy Follow

dude's literally roleplaying as the great maker and the angels in the notes are calling ME blasphemous???

90,732 notes

☠️ chattering-monkeys-and-parrots Follow

kys. just in general

🧍‍♂️ the-light-is-perfection Follow

excuse you???

☠️ chattering-monkeys-and-parrots Follow

kys in particular

281,667 notes

👼 graceful-invader Follow

guys the voice of the creator is telling me we should kiss eachother with tounge. this is what heaven needs

733,712 notes

🔨 warry-in-main Follow

just did my first tempering and it turns out the dude was lactose intolerant

🐻 peregrine-twink Follow

aw man that sucks. is there anything we can do to help?

🔨 warry-in-main Follow

take my test boy

1,907 notes

🧸 dailydahlia Follow

Why do people still think i'm a mimic?!

#seriously guys! #longfurby is RIGHT THERE.

1 note

💠 itfuckenwildy Follow

god i fucking hate it here

🎩 qistjannuja Follow

Hate? No no no my enemy, you don't "hate" creation. Not really.

Let me tell you about actual hate. Pure, undiluted, wyrdbound Hate.

I was ROYALTY. I ruled over my lands with a kind hand and an iron fist and we THRIVED. But then, the little prick you call a maker fucking drowned it all in… in THIS. This grimy, glitched, causational mess you dare to call home.

If that was it, I'd be pissed. I'd be furious, even. But that's not all.

It had the AUDACITY to poison me with its substance. I physically can't stay in the void because it leaks out and poisons it too. And when I come back, guess what? It kills me. Over and over and over and over. I've died five times this month. Died of HORSES. Imagine getting stampeded on just for daring to exist, **WHICH I DON'T BY THE WAY**.

And you know what? if that was it, I could take it. If that was it, I would just take the L and try to adapt. I would try to find beauty in the world, you know? stop and smell the flowers? But GUESS WHAT. Your "great maker" DIDN'T EVEN MAKE THE WORLD RIGHT. It's all... eugh.

I can't stand the creation simps who try to defend it but HARUMAPH-MY-WITNESS I FUCKING DESPISE the ones who think they hate it more than me. YOU DON'T. Fuck you. I'll world-breaker's hand you. Bitch.

💠 itfuckenwildy Follow

nvm i love it here. where else would you get shit like this

🎭 gaathika-aupa-yochelm Follow

"i'll world-breaker's hand you. bitch." LMAOOO i bet this dumbass doesn't even have the drunkard's gift

🎩 qistjannuja Follow

It's none of your fucking business, ""Aupa"", and besides, it seems you don't understand what an ANALOGY is.

"World-Breaker's Handing" someone is simply meant to imply utterly and retroactively erasing them, something your deceiveroid intellect probably wouldn't comprehend anyways.

I am a Votary in my Dream-of-Self and a Dustcloak of my Sphere, I don't need some paltry Wyrd-trick to kill either of you.

🎭 gaathika-aupa-yochelm Follow

🌌 not-heritage-posts Follow

Not-Heritage Post

124,801 notes

🌸 botanyhellyeah Follow

my gf mde fun of me bc i cant open the jar of pickle but shes a supernal martialart master and im jsut a little motal i'm not even miraculous in natures

🧘‍♂️ zulander Follow

Rosie, sweetheart, do you remember the miraculous bracers you made? the ones with the oak leaves, that make you as strong as a noble when you say the command word? the ones you're wearing right now?

🌸 botanyhellyeah Follow

FUFK

25,678 notes

👥 weamlegion0015 Follow

normalize consuming peolpe and incorporating them into the unliving matrix of your pseudoself! ^u^

🪀 jojotun Follow

Are you an actual

👥 weamlegion0015 Follow.

no what makes u say that? :P

🪀 weamlegion0016 FOLLOW.

aah it was nohting! my bad XD

20 notes

🤫 iolithae Follow

this joke format is still funny and relevant

5 notes

👚 dionylsus Follow

look it's not a sex thing when i pretend to be a set of human clothes and my partner wears me to the movies, ok? we do it so we don't have to pay two tickets. putting me in the washing machine IS a sex thing though

120 notes

cneph Follow

can someone please get me out of this fiddle. the wi-fi is great but i can't stretch without getting splinters

0 notes

🌟 ananda Follow

I might have accidentally let a few urbana escape into the prosaic. Stay safe out there.

141,235,813 notes

👨 im-an-anchor-you-wankor Follow

WHY THE FUCK IS MY TRASH CAN BITING ME

[fantasyfantasygames]

Metal Gods (the actual game)

Breaking kayfabe to give you weirdos something nice.

I decided to write Metal Gods for real. I had the concept together and was going to pitch it to a company, but that company is not looking for RPGs at this time (totally reasonable), so I wrote the review instead. And then it stuck in my head, so I had to write the game. I'm giving it away for free. Here you go:

Metal Gods Rules (Google Doc)

Metal Gods Cards (Google Slides)

It works mostly like I said it did in the review. I have an older version elsewhere on the web that was Fate-based, but this one is its own weird bespoke system. The rules come out to just 6 pages, but the cards were honestly much more time-consuming to write. I ended up creating a spreadsheet to randomize the combinations of names, personality traits, and professions for the humans, so if you think that a particular character combination is weird blame it on Excel and implicit bias.

I have done zero playtesting. If you find that the breakpoints for Fallout rolls feel wrong, let me know and I might adjust them.

It's licensed CC-BY-NC 4.0. The art on the cards is all stock, from Pexels, Pixabay, or Unsplash. Digital art is from the now-defunct CanStockPhoto, mostly by GrandFailure - you've seen their work before. You cannot reuse the stock for other purposes; you have to go get your own (and let me tell you, finding good stock art is the worst.)

I'm not going to do this most of the time. It's happened for about 1 out of the 100 fake games I've reviewed so far; I would expect that ratio or something like it to continue. As always, if one of you wants to write one of the games I invented, go for it.

Back to our irregularly scheduled bullshit.

[just-a-shiny-wooper]

Woo woo pa Woopa 🩵💙🥷

{Translation: I'm a ninja Wooper 🩵💙🥷}

[greetings-inferiors]

Just saw a Kickstarter for one of the coolest game concepts I've heard of: "remake of the end of the greatest RPG of all time". It's in the style of one of those 2.5D RPG remakes happening all the time now, but when you open the game it says continue (93%), and you're in the last hour of the game. You've got to piece through all of the bonus content like the game manual, promotional posters, etc. to figure out what to do, what the story is, how the game mechanics work, etc.. it's essentially an escape room JRPG. Anyway go fund the Kickstarter right now.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2067360252/the-remake-of-the-end-of-the-greatest-rpg-of-all-time

[deepdreamnights]

The Mord and Skirn saga encompassed 46 books written between 1968 and 1971. Most fans consider Book 11 the high point of the series: when the combination of rising fame, high-functioning alcoholism, and pure malicious spite resulted in a surge of creativity from the famously ill-tempered author. -Ella Starr, Pulp Critique Magazine

A special commission for a Conan campaign. Multiple gens, digital compositing, painting, and graphic design elements.

It comes with music.

[gehenna-checklist]

I fucking HATE Adventurer Guilds with a burning passion. My brother in She Who Waits, for fuck's sake, there's a giant sign with [THIS IS NO PLACE OF HONOR] written in front of my crypt and giant fuckin' spikes filling the entire (CURSED) forest around it, and you're gonna make profit of sending idiots to get here? REALLY?

[shawnthebro]

Movement is incredibly important in our game. Let’s make sure we get it right!

[probablybadrpgideas]

It's getting hard to justify a masquerade as communications tech advances.

Get around this by ruling that there's no masquerade. Everyone knows vampires exist. It's just that by sheer coincidence, the players have never met one or been near anyone mentioning them or seen them on TV or otherwise found out about this. Your girlfriend has a vampire roommate, it's just that any time you'd be in the same room together something came up.

[rocketsimp]

Trees. Because if my computer keeps playing dead, I will be dropping a tree onto it.

Trying to make natural props look like they have been handmade and sewn. Like the Birch tree having the stitch lines

[the-ashen-gm]

A model/miniature doesn’t have a soul until it is fully painted, that much is obvious, but what is less obvious is that they can feel pain even when unpainted and unassembled. This pain is, thankfully, meaningless since this the model is not yet ensouled, so you can basically do whatever you want to it without spiritual consequence. The interesting grey area is when you have a model that is fully painted (i.e. is 100% covered in paint and/or is all the correct colours) but you go back to repaint or touch up certain areas. In this case, the soul of the model will be retroactively nullified and then brought into existence for the first time when the finishing touches are made. As long as the sentiment of having “finished” the model is sincere you can have a model experience spiritual annihilation as many times as you want.

[lonelinessmademecrazy]

I came to the realization that I don’t have an adapter for my camcorder’s sd card. I feel like a fool because I’ve been filming a lot of footage recently but have no way to edit the footage.

[fantasyfantasygames]

The Actual

The Actual, Roll For Press, 2017

The Actual (TA) is a game that looks more and more bizarre the longer you look at it. It's like one of those family Thanksgiving photos where you slowly realize that one of the kid's dolls is holding a knife and the door is being opened the wrong direction from its hinges and there's a bat-signal out the window.

On its surface, TA is a fairly generic D&D-like with a couple features brought in from PbtA and Shadow of the Demon Lord. Classes are on the low-magic side. Combat is pretty typical, with not a ton of tactical options beyond what abilities you choose to use. There are some basic subsystems for skills and backgrounds, which are more mechanically robust than most games and give you techniques/powers/abilities in addition to just letting you roll for things that the skill covers. The GM advice is particularly good, benefiting from both PbtA's "fronts" and SoDL's "shadow" templates. The setting is set in a universe named "The Actual", in which you are called to battle creatures from "The Unreal" who are invading your world to destroy it and return it to unformed chaos. It's a classic setup.

But then you look a little deeper.

TA's Thief class has an ability that allows them to climb. Not "climb walls at 60% chance" or "Roll 1d20+Dexterity vs. DC", no, it's "Climbing is the ability to move vertically by means of..." and "Unlike most people..." as if it were unusual. The Boatsman background says "You have the ability to perceive sound." full stop no explanation. There's a Magician spell that enables you to write with a quill pen. Rangers have an ability that lets them breathe air. You would think that maybe these are bad writing or unfinished sentences, but then...

Then you see the really odd things.

One background goes out of its way to note that you are five-fingered, and none of the others do. "Strange storms" sweep the land, which are mostly normal except that after they pass "a fearsome yellow-white ball of light appears in the sky." The Priest and Demonologist level charts and abilities are word-for-word identical from level 8 onward. There's a monster that, on a roll of 4-6 on 1d6, recharges its ability to move forward through time. There is no indication of what the hell else is going on there, or in fact in any of these.

The art is black-and-white line drawings, most of which have something strange going on. Actually, they probably all have something strange going on and I just haven't yet found it in some of them. Actually-actually, it's probably all but two of them just to make me think there must be at least one more. Some things are obvious, others are well-hidden.

TA is probably not playable rules-as-written. I can imagine people playing it rules-as-assumed pretty easily. I enjoy absurdist discussions of things that don't really exist and hints toward a reality that isn't really there, so I had fun with it. Your mileage may vary. I especially like how all the oddities could be in-game, in-universe weirdness, but others clearly tunnel straight through the fourth wall.

This was Roll For Press' only game. I'm not even 100% sure I'd call it a game; it's more of a piece of performance art cloaked as a roleplaying game. It went up on NotCoC.jp a while back and as of early 2024 it's still there.