#unless you make me want to post earlier like last time xD

[kalims]

Hi, there! :D

I don't know if my request will be taken into account but you mentioned that it's okay to try.

I am not throwin' away my shot >:D (sorry my indoor theater kid comes out from time to time)

Type: Headcanons

Reader: Neutral

Scenary: The NCR boys see that a student from Noble Bell College or RSA who has been trying to flirt with the prefect, in a bold move steals the prefect's (first) kiss. How would they react and what would they feel?

I feel like it would be a rollercoaster of occurrences and complete chaos in NCR xD

If my request does not convince you, you can discard it without problems, but if not, take your time and without pressure, thank you 💐🌼✨👍✍️I love your TWST fics they always make me smile .

whisk away

premise. despite your many efforts of evading your seeming admirer, they remain persistent in their pursuit. you've considered just leaving them in the dust without an explanation whatsoever but you're too stunned to process the fact that they've just kissed you without a warning. next thing you know there's a murderous aura approaching.

characters. silver, jade, deuce, kalim, vil

note. you didn't really specify which characters jhshs so I took the liberty of scouring your blog and just put the ones you seem to like ^^ and I kid you not, used a wheel for the other 2 lol (so sorry, was gonna post this earlier but got busy since presentations came up so I only finished now.)

silver

has a mixture of shock and anger. which is mostly for your sake honestly, he wasn't gonna intervene cause he felt like you would wanna deal with it on your own so he feels the absolute mortification slipping into his bones. if he wasn't fully awake, then he definitely is now!

fully ready to talk some sense into that idiot who has no sense of space, hello?

last time he knew, you weren't really dating anyone. silver would know if you did, cause you both talk practically everyday and a lover would be something he should be aware of... unless you didn't talk? I mean, who else would just kiss you like that?

someone unpleasant. he decides. one look at your face and he knows immediately that it wasn't something you expected as well.

just pulls up with a rare look of anger directed to the student, brows furrowed, shoulders tense and all. everyone's used to the serene, calm look on his features so seeing him look so different probably put off said student so they scampered after a promise made by silver if they dared to stick around.

"leave, or find out what happens if you don't."

gone is the anger *poof* and is fretting over you now. are you okay? do you want him to knock some sense into that idiot? literally tell him anything, order him to do anything, and he'll do it (within reason) my guy is just here for your sake tbh.

kinda gloomy cause damn, that was your first? he wanted both of yours to be first and some grade a hole just decided to shatter all that. it makes him all the more irritated so if he can't have your first kiss, he'll just take your second, and every single other kiss you'll give.

jade

take the murderous aura and multiply it tenfold!!

jade doesn't really need to reach you and make his presence known by a few words cause it seems like everyone but you within 10 feet radius of him is sensing the murderous aura he's emitting. if it's not feeling that, then it's seeing the eery dark smile present on his face.

and he seems to be having a death march towards a specific direction so everybody knows where to avoid atleast. cause it seems like anyone on his path is gonna get trampled and no one likes a messy hall.

student in front of you pales, deluding themselves that maybe he's just heading somewhere behind them to vent out that rage or something but they glance behind and almost piss their pants when there is in fact, no one present near anywhere and he's getting closer.

so... they wanted to live so they just bolted out. an experience with one of the tweels won't be good news, and if jade is the one who has them in his sights... they'll take the head start thank you very much.

with the students face memorized and tucked into a corner of his mind he smiles almost innocently at you when you spot him and strike the most casual of conversation.

well, that's under the guise atleast. he's shooting you subtle questions about that person to which you reply innocently. oblivious to the grave you're digging for them yourself.

oddly enough jade started being strangely affectionate, a hand on the small of your back, maybe on your shoulder, arm, or a pat on your head as gratitude. but he seems to like kissing the back of your hand a lot...

*turns his head in their direction after kissing your hand*

deuce

I'll be perfectly honest. he doesn't really have much of an impact in terms of the intense aura that should have been felt. he looks a normal degree of angry, that's why the person hasn't gotten chased off even with the clear signs that deuce will be swinging a fist at probes.

unfortunate that's exactly what the person does. despite your clear reaction of disgust they still use you to rile up deuce. cooing at him while reaching for you, and chuckling about how they didn’t even know him, nor is it any of his business to interfere between two... lovers?

oh so they wanted to impact? they're gonna get one right now 👊 since it seems like they want to get to know him so bad they can get well acquainted with his fists, you know?

he made a promise to himself not to get involved with these type of mishaps! or at the very least resort to more peaceful methods than using violence as a sort of communication. the guilt eats him up a little but he thinks he'd never stand for someone who would disrespect you so blatantly!

almost comically, he looks like he spouts a pair of ears that of a dog's and turns to you. looking more apologetic compared to the fiery look he had a second ago, if he had a tail it would be tucked between his legs out of shame or something.

"I'm really sorry," he says. sulking. deuce apologizes to you, not for his choice of knocking out this random in the middle of the street but because of the fact that he did it in front of you. (also he's kinda jealous...)

if asked, he can, and WILL do it again.

don't blame him though! discreetly whisks you away to grab a bite. having literally no regards to the body looking like it's soul got knocked out laying, and looking out of place on the ground. maybe someone will check on them but definitely not him, they deserve it!

kalim

gasps loudly. "noooo!"

which is like a public proclamation that seeing that did everything but please him. which also means he's basically admitting he's jealous in an indirect way, might as well just say he likes you or something (he probably will if asked because he thinks it's nothing worthy of hiding.)

bounds up to you asking who that is quite loudly to the point where it would seem like he just stumbled upon you cheating on him. it doesn't help that he actually looks sad, teary and all. jamil is off, having paused in his trail since he was previously chasing the boy who ran off.

now he isn’t sure if he wants to get involved now. this is so embarrassing.

lowkey other student would just look back and forth to you, then to kalim. the latter in question unintentionally ignored his existence to be honest, since he was too busy shaking your shoulders and probing the answer of you.

"why would you kiss a stranger...?" he trails off, you did answer. kalim is genuinely wondering to himself if it was that easy cause damn, he scratches his head. that made no sense (says the guy who is making no sense.)

he makes it so obvious that he's pondering with the finger under his chin, eyes lost pointed at the air and the unnecessary loud humming... at this point the atmosphere became more awkward because you and the student is staring at him in bewilderment.

drag him off please, and explain it to him elsewhere. public is NOT a good place. so instead of him saving you out of a situation like this, you save him? talk about being built different...

vil

what in the sevens... he surely hopes his eyes are working correctly lest he needs contact lens, or glasses for that matter. either way he'll positively be as beautiful as he ever was.

although he's very pleased that someone notices the extent of your beauty, there are... other ways to express fondness admiration for you, and vil just can't respect someone who doesn't seem to have any shame for themselves for pressing on boundaries.

so this... fool clearly is a mere taint on your image!!! rid of them immediately! you needn't dirty your pretty mouth, rook does love cleansing the world of dirt like them so it's for the better good if they just never dare to appear to your face ever again.

what better way to hurt someone than aim for their pride? *trash talks so good about their attitude that they actually be pondering their life choices*

don't get him wrong. he doesn't like them, like at all. vil can full well do more damage by nit picking details about them they probably aren't even aware of but he'd never willingly give another person a reason to be insecure about themselves, even if they did terrible things.

plus, there's better ways to teach someone a lesson. they'll learn.

who wouldn’t be scared of an angry vil? they scampered away pretty quickly from a few words, even quicker when he mentioned rook but it's their problem to be paranoid whether the hunter is following them or not to be honest.

frets over you right after. living the dream.

[mythosidhesdollhouse]

Sooooooooo I don't know if I'm just biased from working with my Naturally Perfect pair or entering a new era of my doll collection or what, but earlier today I was browsing through aaaaaaaaaall the new dolls Target added to their site recently--new MH, new RH, new LOL OMG, Dream Besties, Naturalistas wave 2--ALL THE DOLLS--dolls we've been awaiting for weeks, in some cases months. And now that they're here, what's the only thing I'm really feeling excited about? This Disney ILY 4ever 18" Doll Inspired by Ariel. I could care less about this brand or her character theming, I just think she's such a beautiful doll. It will probably take a few weeks, but she will definitely be joining the family as soon as I can manage it.

More rambling about dolls I don't have (yet)--

I think I may be suffering from a general fashion doll burnout, because aside from this girlie lately I've been browsing a lot more 18" & 14" dolls and a lot fewer 12" and under. Kind of getting bored with the lack of height variety...and tbh I'm finding it's actually a lot easier to make clothing for dolls in the larger size range. I've even started a list of other future acquisitions I'd like to make, though at this point I have no time frame for when any of this might happen XD

Right now at the top of my list are:

Positively Perfect Fresh Dreamers Willow

Our Generation Carlina & Opal

HBCyoU Homecoming Queen Nicole

Healthy Roots Marisol

And then of course there's the American Girl sized elephant in the room XD I will not begin to convey my frustration when last week the purple haired girl on the left was 60% off during Prime Day, and me without the funds to purchase her T_T Honestly it seems like fate has been thwarting my desire to own one of these dolls for the past 30+ years. Will it happen? Someday? Idk, maybe. At this point I'm not going to try to force it.

(P.S. ~ If you are one of the people who 'thrifts AG dolls all the time' I'm happy for you but please don't feel obligated to tell me about it, unless you want to send me one. There are no good thrift stores in my area, and even if we did have them my current health situation makes such an outing impossible. I have no doubt the dolls are out there, but I have no way to get to them. Reminding me of this fact serves no purpose other than to make me feel bad about it :/)

So yeah that's it, basically just a long post about window shopping XD Do you have any favorite doll brands of the larger 'Girl' variety that I missed?

[divinekangaroo]

Everyone in here seems to be so cool with this news except me LOL. I'm so gutted Lizzies character arc is over in canon. A lot saw it coming by the looks of it except me, I thought it was definitely left unfinished with all the promises and closeness they shared. Haiz. I read it all wrong perhaps.

I know you have plans to write post S6 among other things, like divorced Lizzie with Charlie, Honeymoon etc. etc. You also said you will wait for the movie to write some of them. Will any of the WIPs be effected/plans change with knowing T/L fate in canon?

This is an ask to make myself feel better if you can't tell XD. Thanks!

Heh: the fanfic brain says it would be pleased if Lizzie and Arthur aren't in the movie because that's most of what I want to look at post S6. I don’t usually get into fanficcing for a media unless the media is finished, because I always feel I need to see what the shape of the Canon Thing is to work out where I want to play/extend etc. I genuinely thought PB was done before I decided to write the Thing, or I doubt I would’ve started to write. Over time the movie was making the fanfic part of me increasingly irrationally anxious XD.

Every further movie announcement makes it sound like something further and further from s5 and s6, a fairly clean break and almost a new thing. So I do feel released/able to play with that post s6 space more, because I’m assuming there’ll be just another peaky-style time skip and we’ll be left to decide for ourselves what happened in between. Which is, ironically, where a lot of the Tommy Lizzie dynamic lives anyway - the offscreen spaces is when their relationship happens, what we see on screen shows Things Happened Since Last Time but what exactly is left to the imagination. A silence in the movie isn’t necessarily a nullification of what happened previously, it’s just that whatever happened isn’t relevant to the slice of life currently on show. Out of frame etc. (though, i assume Tommy will heavily carry the emotional consequences of prior events forward, as he always does)

And I’d always assumed t and l would never get back together in any traditional sense of marriage or domestic HEA - my post-show headcanon as it’s evolved over time sees them drift together and apart over various instances and times with meaning, but no dependence/obligation or imposed societal structure. So either of them having other love interests also doesn’t bother me.

I have yet to work out if this easing means I feel like getting back into those parked stories you mentioned any earlier than the movie or not…one is all Lizzie and Arthur funnily enough…but I am so slammed by combo work and study and family things my brain feels itchy with irritation (worst feeling) so I’m avoiding putting too much deep thinking on at the moment.

Sorry i can’t help with much comfort or fic offerings! But yeah I think the way pb does time skips will leave it up to the audience to work out what happened, and that’s always been so much more interesting to my fanfic brain than being told. Maybe some comfort in that?

[bebx]

Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I don't mean to bother you again as you are gonna figure out I am the same person who asked about your unexpectedly but hopefully temporary drifting away from ST sub fandom hehe. So I decided to do my homework and see if you probably left some clues or hints regarding your hiatus from it before but unfortunately I couldn't find any unless my dumb@$$ missed it despite thorough research as if I was looking for easter eggs in a deeply layered show like ST. My search report :- It had been going well on your side even when there was a drought in HC contents but slowly it lost the 'momentum' which I feel you played a key role in wonderfully building up yourself, ironically right at the moment of D-day which honestly feels like if reality had tv drama like loopholes lol.

So all I have now is what you last said to me that you are busy with stuffs and other things like hyperfixation on a character from Harrow series { although I haven't watched it yet but based on your enthusiasm which mostly resonates with my own interest, I have added it in my watchlist :) Cuz Bingo I can't tell you how happy I was when I found you with the same sentiments as mine after watching Damsel! } plus point is you did mention how he is certainly still in your heart and you are planning to make more posts and fanfic about him in future. So I decided to wait, months passed with more tempting Henry Creel info pouring while I still kept up with *patiently waiting for my favorite Tumblr user's ST fandom era to resurface as well as coexist with her new obsession of Harrow series*, so that one hyperfixation won't have to be sacrificed for another still worthy subject of hyperfixation :) Hence it has been quite an introspective and empathetic time but now I am like "okay at least lemme just ask her how she has been and what exactly is the status", to stifle my other apprehensive thoughts forming with the passing time as well as disappearing silver lining( as there is no sign of either Henry or JCB these days at all lol apart from Jamie Bower World Domination post) out of overthinking.

I always felt your contribution to this fandom has been immensely valuable and even though others may or may not have been enough reminding you that as I can see I am probably the only anonymous seeker regarding digging this matter up, I miss you and your blogs about it. I have mostly been a lurker kind so I never interactively participated in any discussion or thread but I have always inwardly appreciated people with a good taste of art. So even if anonymously, this is a great deal to me, sharing my wish embedded in vulnerability. *nervously chuckles* Idk if this is a stretch but given how what Jamie manually allows to be displayed on his tagged section had most of your posts, tells me that he must have subconsciously felt your absence lately too. The fact that this is true tho, makes it a reasonable theory.

So now after hopefully doing a great job at explaining the deep context behind my "ask away" here are the main deal of questions xD;-

How are you, once again? (I don't want to pressurize you into rejoining it earlier than you planned according to your life and schedules uk. Besides I don't wanna interrupt your balancing of multifandom fascination.)

Is there any particular reason behind this seemingly complete "switch off mode" which you can share? ( because my Spidey senses keep feeling it's more than what it is, could be false alarm tho) Could it be potentially because Stranger Things is so addictive, it is not possible to keep a track of its updates while continuing with hyper fixating on other fandoms?

If the aforementioned fear is unfounded, then here are my other theories and questions, have you stumbled upon the TFS spoilers of any kind?

If no, are you planning to watch it LIVE soon or later? (as the canon play is gonna stick around for a long time) is this why have you been avoiding discussions as they would involve major spoiling of the experience?

Or are you planning of watching it whenever it streams on Netflix as technically it just has to one day?

Have you been weakly following any ST S5 leaks? ( as we finally got a very *greatest leak of all time* kind of leak not even exactly 24 hours ago lol) [to tell you the truth- this is exactly what triggered me to get some clarifications from you, as despite knowing that I would open your page only to be greeted by Harrow, deep down I felt maybe you would say something about it because it directly involves JCB and it's quite making waves already.]

Did you check out the VR Game released this February?

Or are you taking a complete long break for a while because once S5 release date inches closer, there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years anyways? haha ( ngl this is my most optimistic theory I am clinging onto)

(optional question xD) Am I seriously the only one approaching you by bringing this old buried fascination or others have felt the same way too and they express their perplexity in your inbox instead?

(anyways I will be very grateful if you respond to my plethora of mystified emotions even though I think it would secretly answer to many other lurkers like me who found a sense of kindred spirit through you but are too busy abiding by their lurking policy)

hi, I’ve been looking at this for…. a while, because… oh my 😅 I understand that it’s been so long since my Stranger Things era, and I know some of my followers follow me for my Henry / ST content. I just didn’t know my silly ST posts actually have this much impact that they stay in people’s memories even after it’s been a long time. so this ask actually brings back so many memories. and I really appreciate that you’re still sticking around. really. I had to take a moment to just sit here and stare at this ask in my inbox and go “whoa” — but it’s a good kind of whoa. I am touched that you still remember, because gosh how long has it been since my ST days!

to answer your questions, I am fine and I am doing well. thank you. I didn’t mean to “abandon” my interest. and I AM still interested in the show. I still love Henry, even though I don’t really talk about him on here anymore. it’s funny because a part of me is kind of sad that I don’t talk about him on here anymore? to tell you the truth, anon, I don’t exactly know why? I mean… sure, my blog currently focuses on something else, but I never really stop loving Henry as a character. this sounds extremely cliche, but it’s the truth. I still love him and I still think about him and those time I spent writing fics about him.

I don’t know if there’s any particular reason behind this, according to you, seemingly complete "switch off mode" on my blog. but there’s no conspiracy theory or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about? I just kind of focus my attention on something else, for the moment, but again, I still do love Henry. just because I don’t talk about him here like I used to does not mean I love him any less. rest assured. he’s still in my heart.

I haven’t stumbled upon any real TFS spoilers, but that’s probably because I don’t follow many blogs that talk about it so it rarely reaches my dashboard anyway.

and I don’t live near the place where the play takes place, so unfortunately I don’t see myself traveling there to watch it live, as life has been a little busy for me here to take that kind of vacations. but I would have loved to. if the time were right. I do look forward to streaming it when or if it becomes available on Netflix though.

I haven’t been following ST leaks much, I can’t see “weekly” because I kind of just look at them if they reach my dashboard here or my twitter’s/X’s timeline. but I don’t actively go search for it nor do I avoid it for fear of any potential spoilers either. but I did just see the leaks you talked about, and I’m actually very excited. it actually reminded me of my fic “Salvation” — I’m not sure if you’ve read it, but yeah. gosh I am genuinely very excited.

though I haven’t checked out the VR Game. I mean… I don’t really play video games so that might explain why.

and no. I’m not “taking a long break” because I think there is no going back from its fever for another 2-3 years after season 5 is released. I don’t even know why I’m “taking a break” except that my mind has just been focusing on something else, currently.

also, yes, some people have asked, and I haven’t had the chance to answer them (I’ve been meaning to, though), so this might be the answer they were looking for as well? there’s no “real reason” behind my lack of activity when it comes to ST fandom, except that I’ve been focusing my attention on something else lately, but that doesn’t mean I love the show — or especially Henry — any less. I still am a fan of the show and of Henry. and I still love Jamie with all my heart, obviously. I still keep up with him and his music and I am so incredibly proud of him as an artist and a person.

I am super excited to see Henry again when season 5 drops. I don’t know when or if my hyperfixation will come back, so I wouldn’t wish to make any promises. but what I can say for sure is that, even though it’s not exactly a hyperfixation, I still love Henry just the same. I hope I will start making lots of posts and writing fics about him again one day.

last but not least, I will always love and support Jamie in everything he does. and he will forever be my source of happiness that keeps me going when things are difficult.

I also want to thank you for reaching out. it means so very much to me. if there is any further matter you wish to talk or discuss with me about, you are very welcome to drop by my inbox anytime.

(and yes, I still love talking about Stranger Things and Henry here. anybody is more than welcome to drop by my inbox to talk to me about Henry — who knows, it might re-spark that hyperfixation within me…)

[monsterwithasweater]

Monster Replays the Truthful Route: Part 4

Sorry for the delay, folks!

Warning: You know the deal. Digimon Survive spoilers under the cut.

While working on this part, the draft accidentally got deleted. So, I'm only gonna give a few of my thoughts on the beginning part, then skip right to the exploration part of the amusement park.

I think this game really hits us with the fact that the villains are not indispensable. As Piedmon says, if Arukenimon fails, there is sure to be another one to take her place. And if Piedmon doesn't already convince you in Part 4, just wait until he brutally murders her in Part 7.

Takuma and co. are understandably scared. Sure, Ryo might have survived, but are they really sure they can survive next time? Can they ever get out of this world. If so, can they get out of this world alive? We all know they do because this is the Truthful route, and nobody dies in the Truthful route, but at this point of the story, the Survive gang isn't so sure.

Takuma: Kaito, we have to stick together! You can't go off on your own!

Kaito: stfu

Dracmon: I agree with Takuma!

Kaito: Hmmm, if my little vampire gremlin agrees with you, then you must have a point.

Well, unless you choose the bad ending.

Kunemon (≧◡≦)

Finding Miu!

I really enjoy Ryo's dynamic with Minoru.

Patamon, Palmon, and Biyomon are so stupid! I love them!

BREAKING NEWS: Angry Mean Big Human Beats Up Guards!

The Queen: "Oh, brother. I've never been so embarrassed!"

Okay, that's all I'm gonna bother remembering. Let's get back to Finding Miu!

Dracmon: GRROOOAAARRR! I'm gonna eat you!

Falcomon: All of you... prepare to die!

I love Ryo's speech to Kunemon before he evolves to Flymon, so I'm just gonna share the screenshots of it (warning for poor quality, though).

While making this post, my phone died A-FUCKING-GAIN, so I lost a good chunk of it. Then, while trying to remember what the hell I typed down, I accidentally closed out of Tumblr. So if there are any weird skips, I apologize.

Kaito: I'm... I'm all she has. So I have to look out for her.

After playing the Harmony route, this line especially hits hard.

Something I just noticed: All of the servants names start with P (yeah, I know that in English it's Biyomon with a B, but they're also called Piyomon in Japan, so...).

Minoru: I'm saying if we stand around here talking for too long those pesky little things will-

Palmon: Looking for us?

They're in the four-shadow! Like the one they were talking about earlier!

OMGZORZ, can you believe that they made Goth TK an actual, CANON character in Digimon Survive?

A touching reunion, indeed. *wipes tear from eye*

If I'm being honest, I'd also be annoyed if my older brother crashed my throne room.

She looks so annoyed XD

Of course it's Ryo that says this.

Makes sense, given how MarineAngemon helped carry my first few playthroughs.

Kaito: I just worry about her, that's all.

Saki: Well, sometimes it can feel suffocating being on the other side of that.

This honestly makes me wonder about Saki's family. From what I can tell from her Prologue story, her parents (or at least her mother) seem to be massive worrywarts. Though given Saki's illness, it's understandable.

KAITO YOU IDIOT, STOP PUNCHING THE WALL!

It's the Old 'Mon himself!

I can understand why Minoru and Shuuji are suspicious of Jijimon. After all, the last time they found an adult they thought they could trust, she turned out to be a weird spider lady that wanted to sacrifice them.

But seriously, Jijimon is a sweetheart. <3

Ryo: This sucks. These guys are such bad news. I can't believe we're taking them on again.

Kunemon...

Ryo: Yeah, I know.

Ryo: I don't want Miu to have to go through what I experienced yesterday.

Kunemon: Kew!

Ryo: Heh! Yeah... you're right. We've just gotta do this!

Shuuji's affinity dialogue rubs me the wrong way. Though I guess that's because of the localization.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it here and now: Miu's more of a Digimon Kaiser-equivelent than the hypothetical Ken-equivelent ever will be.

Kaito, did you seriously punch GARURUMON!?

I love the pre-Shellmon scene as well. Unfortunately, I hit the photo limit, so I'm gonna have to copy the dialogue from scratch.

Miu: Oh no! Kaito!

Syakomon: So, you ARE worried about what happens to him?

Miu: Of course I am! He's my brother!

Miu: I just don't like him being overprotective, and I hate how he never gives me any space.

Miu: When he gets like that, it reminds me of... things I really don't want to remember.

Syakomon: And that's why you were so mean to him?

Miu: Yeah, but he's still my brother.

Miu: Only after I can't do anything...

[Insert Patamon and Biyomon getting their asses kicked by Garurumon here]

Miu: Oh no! They're all hurt again!

Miu: Syakomon, tell me, what should I do?

Miu: They're all fighting for me like I'm really their queen, but...

Miu: I haven't done anything for them!

Syakomon: Miu... what do you want to do?

Miu: I... I don't want to let anyone... To let my brother die...

Miu: I don't want to lose everyone after lying to them, or my brother after fighting with him!

Miu: I want to protect everyone else for a change!

Miu: Syakomon, please! Save Kaito!

Syakomon: Oh, I'm so happy you said that! Finally, you were able to be honest with how you feel.

Miu: Syakomon!?

Syakomon: I've been waiting this whole time for you to be honest with me.

Syakomon: Because when you wish for something with your whole heart, I can be as strong as you need!

Miu: What!? Syakomon, what's happening!?

Syakomon: Miu, I'm here to make your wishes come true! So for your sake, I'll grow strong!

Syakomon, evolve tooo...!

[Insert evolution into Shellmon here]

Easily one of my favorite scenes in the whole game.

Anyways, I evolved her straight to Azulongmon and oneshotted Garurumon.

I love the music that plays when the Survive gang learn that there's a way to go back to the Human World via the boundary.

Jijimon: Many times I have witnessed the strong bond between my friend and their human child.

Jijimon: Though it was long ago, and my memories have fades. Yet had that child been sacrificed...

Jijimon: My friend would not have fared well. Those who share such strong bonds share the same fate.

Jijimon: Yet my friend still lives. This in itself is proof that the child is alive somewhere.

The scene between Takuma, Agumon, Kaito and Dracmon is really sweet.

Dracmon: What's this? Kaito being open and honest about how he feels for once? No way!

Pffft XD

And that concludes Part 4. For how much of a pain in the ass this post was to make, I still really enjoyed this part (though that might be because it focuses on two of my favorite characters, Ryo and Miu). Miu learned her lesson, and boy, I sure learned mine...

[margarethelstone]

Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 5

Chapter 5 / Read on AO3!

It wasn't a big laugh, or a loud one. She didn't burst into it with the usual enthusiasm and force, and the tears that flew down her cheeks when she'd closed her eyes were by no means caused by her cheerfulness. Her laughter was not contagious, the corners of her lips almost not curling up instead of almost reaching her ears as it was usually the case.

She did not open her mouth wide like an idiot, the rim of her teeth barely showing at all.

It was a small laugh, a cautious laugh. A tired, wary chuckle let out by someone just as careful and weary – and yet, still willing to grasp at the fragile threads of happiness and answer accordingly.

"What are you saying?" she asked in a hoarse voice, once again raising her arm to wipe away the seemingly never-ending tears. "That's not the point at all."

Her breath caught for a second, making her trail off at the end. Her ugly sobbing might have stopped and she was no longer wailing; however, that didn't mean that she had regained her composure, and certainly not in full.

She  was still feeling out of place, wrong and miserable, wishing for more than she knew she could get at this moment in time. Taichi's reaction to her question had taken a toll on her as well, leaving her far more exhausted than any crazy race to his cram school ever could, the seemingly endless silence feeding her already enormous fears even further.

He sure had taken his sweet time before answering, no doubt falling into another of his internal monologues that he was never going to share with her.

Certainly, he hadn't needed all those minutes to come up with a reply that he'd given her at last.

Never good at reading people in general, she sure knew him long enough to realise that.

For even though his eyes were turned away from her and hers were misty with tears, she had not stopped watching him for a second. The shock that showed on his face when she gripped his hand in hers; the pain that replaced it when she uttered her question and then grew as she urged him with despair to answer it.

The disdain that she knew was not for her but for himself, the disbelief and reluctant hopefulness that came afterwards, though for what reason, she could in no way tell yet.

She’d watched him battle with himself, focused and attentive, intent on catching the slightest change in him. For the most part, she couldn’t see much more than his back and what little she could glimpse of the side of his face, and yet, that only made her resolve grow stronger, as she harnessed all of her senses to help her in that task.

There was no sign too small, no change too insignificant.

She knew he would not tell her the details of his sorrowful soliloquy, and so she made sure she deciphered as much of his thought without him having to do so.

"Why, Taichi? Why do you do everything alone?"

No, that part of him surely hadn't changed.

And it would not be fair of her to ask that of him.

Not yet, anyway.

So she didn't ask, instead listening closely to all that he had to tell through his gestures and not through his words. The way his hand trembled when he'd pulled away from her grasp, as if uncertain whether or not he even wanted to – the way in which he slouched in guilt after turning away afterwards. His uneven breath. His twitching fingers. The words he muttered under his breath without realising what he was doing.

"Pathetic," he mumbled with spite. "Put on the pedestal," he added with grief. "There's no guarantee she would have done so", "Honest doesn't equal right," he continued, his words less and less distinct by the syllable, and yet not bumbling enough for Chihaya to mishear them.

"Can't fall for that again."

It was clear that it was no longer a monologue, but a heated, resolute discussion he was holding with himself. Chihaya listened closely as more sounds left his barely parted lips, trying to figure out the meaning behind them, while she eyed him carefully in search of the signals that might help her guess the parts he wasn't voicing. Every time she caught an alteration, she felt like she was discovering a new land; every tiny gesture that seemed to reflect his inner thoughts held more value to her than the greatest of human treasures.

Aware of his natural unwillingness to open up to others, she felt blessed to find any substitute, as poor or insignificant it might seem.

The hope.

The doubt.

The longing.

The fear.

The terrible weight of the burden he had taken upon himself and refused to share with anyone, the hardship and pain he still refused to talk about.

The barely noticeable hint that he would still push her away if she'd tried to console him now.

Once she'd begun her observation, it wasn't hard for her to gather where his thoughts had gone. The name of Arata made an appearance a few times, much as it was expected; she heard him speak her own more times that she was ready to accept. She wanted to believe that it was not the only thing he was thinking of, that there was still room in his heart and mind for memories more pleasant, or at least, less ambiguous, than those.

She breathed a sigh of relief upon picking up the name of Mizusawa.

She stiffened after hearing of Fukui.

Her own thoughts betrayed her then, and for a short while, she forgot her resolution to ignore all but the acts and words of Taichi. As much as she hated herself for it, she couldn't not think of their other friend. Yes, she hated herself, despised the weakness of her will that would once again fly from the boy by her side to the one that was away, even if this time it was in direct connection to Taichi and their extraordinary talk.

She'd told him that there was no choosing between him and Arata. That if their story had played out differently, she would not have abandoned him, wouldn't have forgotten him any more than she'd forgotten the other. That she would have fought her way through the karuta world and dragged Arata to help her with it, only so that she might see him again at some point.

And she meant it. Every word of it, every exclamation she had thrown at him had come from the very core of her heart, supported by the steadfast belief that it was exactly what she would have done.

She needed him to believe her; she feared so badly that he would not.

And yet, there was nothing more she could have done as of now, except to shift her attention back to him and make sure it didn't drift away again. After all, the time they had was precious, all the more so for how little there was left of it. Every second that passed brought them closer to the end: the end of this conversation, the end of the time they could still share.

Eventually, the moment would come when they would have to say goodbye.

This day, this afternoon, was all that they had.

It was the one thing that Chihaya had no illusions about.

So she watched, and she listened, constantly fighting her desire to hasten him to reply. There was still so much she wanted to tell him, all the more so because she knew he would never ask for any of it himself – and yet, every time she came on the verge of speaking, something seemed to hold her back. Whether it was shame or wisdom, a guardian angel sent to guide her or a newly born consciousness and subtlety that was all her own, no one could tell at this point.

All Chihaya knew as of yet was that no matter how important her explanations might appear, giving Taichi the time to weigh his own opinions was more important still.

***

Now back in the present, she still gazed at him softly, only looking away when she was forced to wipe away another one of her rebellious tears. She knew that his eyes were fixed on her as well and that this time, he was not going to shift his gaze, either. Instead, he kept looking, returning the warmth that she had tried so hard to convey, his hesitant smile growing as she scolded him playfully for missing the point of her question.

She sniffed and blew her nose. He grinned and shook his head.

And just like that, it no longer mattered if she had managed to touch upon all the issues that had seemed so crucial to her mere moments ago. And not because the subject had lost its importance, but because she now felt that it simply wasn't the right time. Even if they'd had more of it – if the sky had been painted with orange and gold instead of purple and blue, darkening with every breath that they took – she still would have held back from broaching it.

They were tired; they were lost.

They were weak and vulnerable, already having said more to one another than they had in a month and with sincerity they had not displayed in a lifetime. Adding anything more would have meant making the burden even heavier – and who could tell how much more they were still able to shoulder.

She had almost broken him once; she was not going to risk doing that again.

"Sorry," she heard him say then, right as she was about to voice a thought of her own. She shook her head in turn, but Taichi went on, "No, I am. I know there was a deeper meaning behind your words. My opinion still stands, though. I am better-mannered than he is."

As confused as she was, Chihaya couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him. "How can you be so sure?"

"Have you met my mother? Just think of what she would do if I weren't."

At this she laughed again. Though not one bit louder than before, her laughter had lost some of its wariness, resounding in the air much more sonorously – and when she glanced at Taichi again, she saw that his own smile had reached his eyes this time. Another wave of warmth seemed to engulf her as she realised this, giving – no, strengthening the hope that the message from Arata had rekindled in her.

Ensuring her that her optimism had not been naivety.

Far as they were from their recovery, she at least dared to believe that they truly were on the right track now.

"We should probably head home soon," she heard Taichi speak again, the faintest trace of hesitation echoing in his voice. "It's getting dark, and I still have a lot of work waiting for me at home. I bet that you do, too. Is your knee any better?"

Not even trying to fight the reflex, Chihaya rolled her eyes with exasperation.

"How many times do I need to tell you that it wasn't bad to begin with?" she asked. "It's just a cut. I'm not expecting you to carry me home, you know."

"Bold of you to assume I'd offer it," Taichi parried.

"You've already offered me your help unnecessarily today. Expecting it to change now would be unreasonable, wouldn't it?"

"I guess that depends on how you look at it. I'd say that your ungratefulness is daunting enough to kill any man's good will."

Before she could even think of a proper reply, Taichi stood up from his seat and reached for the bags that lay next to him. After the little exchange they'd just had, Chihaya was sure that he would only take the one belonging to him and let her carry hers on her own; and yet, even now, he still seemed determined to help her in any simple way he could.

And so he now stood, with the two bags hung over his shoulders and a hand extended towards her in order to help her get up. Almost on instinct, Chihaya frowned and rolled her eyes again...

...but she took his hand anyway, holding onto it with much more force that the simple action of rising required.

If Taichi was willing to aid her, she was in no position to argue.

And she didn't want to, either.

"I'll walk you home," he said as he loosened his grasp on her fingers the next moment, as if the sentence could only have been uttered after the physical contact between them had ended. And yet, his tone was not a hesitant one; he wasn't nervous or abashed. There was no rush behind his words, no indication that he'd only said them because he'd felt that he should.

Instead there was calm and confidence, simplicity and sincerity that could not be underestimated on this particular day. Unlike so many times in the past, Chihaya realised that he was saying what he wanted to say and not what he thought was expected of him.

Even if she had wished to part with him sooner, she wouldn't have been able to reject him now.

So she smiled and nodded, before following him obediently towards the playground gate, falling into step with him as soon as she had crossed it. Once again she was tempted to ask him to return her bag to her – and once again, she fought the temptation bravely, aware that arguing her case would lead to the opposite of what she hoped to achieve, which was to unburden her friend.

And so she said nothing.

They walked in silence, both of them too busy with their own thoughts to try and strike another conversation that they most probably wouldn't manage to finish before reaching Chihaya's house; and yet neither could fully refrain from the furtive glances cast at one another whenever they thought the other person wasn't looking. The shallow cautiousness failed them soon, of course. Their eyes met, their breaths hitched. Their cheeks flushed with the faintest shade of pink.

And yet, they did not look away any more. Responding with smiles rather than frowns, they chose to show their joy in the place of unwanted nervousness, determined to make the most of the time they still had left.

They both knew that it wouldn't last, that, come tomorrow, the so undesired feeling of awkwardness would take over them again, to some degree at least. They would pass each other in the corridors and even though they both hoped they'd manage to greet the other more politely, a nod and a smile would be all they might expect; they'd meet at the train station occasionally but fail to exchange more than a few words.

And somehow, it was fine. Because for the first time since Taichi's confession, they could hope that the distance they had built was not that of resentment and sorrow, but of mutual respect and readiness to wait. It was an agreement. A mature decision each of them had made, knowing that not only was it the right path to choose, but the best possible one, too.

A choice only available thanks to the shared understanding and trust that allowed them to believe that it was, indeed, only for some time.

All the way, Chihaya itched to reach out for her bag, as she counted steps and seconds until it would be appropriate to ask Taichi to return it to her. Every time the temptation reappeared, she forced herself to wait; to hold on for another moment, praying that her patience would be enough to get her through it. And not because it was particularly important that she maintained her composure at the moment – being as they were now, he probably wouldn't have responded with anything but a playful remark and a definite rebuttal of her request.

It wasn't a big deal.

It didn't require a heroic effort on her part.

And even if she had failed, she knew that it would not have been of much harm, either, not when they both had finally reached their peace.

Still, it was important to her. She knew Taichi was deep in thought and that, even if the interruption she was about to make wasn't going to vex him, it would still be a hindrance, a glitch in the process that was happening in his mind. More than ever, Chihaya wished to be considerate; she'd resolved to be before she'd come to see him and then held onto her choice as they had talked. And yet, it would have lost all of its meaning if she had stopped now.

Focused on her own internal struggle, she failed to pay attention to the distance they covered. Having stayed half a step behind Taichi before, she nearly walked into him when he'd halted before her house and turned around to face her, and then jumped back when she realised how close she was standing.

She was answered with a raised brow and a lopsided grin. She replied with a mumbled apology and a huff on her part.

And yet, that was all that was to be said. Silent they stood, eyeing each other carefully, expectantly, their gazes shifting towards the Ayase household and then back to one another, neither finding the words appropriate for this moment. Suddenly conflicted, Chihaya clenched her fists anxiously, at the same time completely missing the fact that the boy in front of her was no more confident than she was.

It was obvious that neither of them wanted to part...

...and still, they both realised that they needed to.

And that the sooner they did, the lesser was the risk of ruining what they had built.

With a deep breath, Chihaya finally reached out for the bag in his hand, ready to voice her gratitude for his help. She smiled as she indicated the sack, her fingertips brushing against the strap while her mouth parted slightly in order to say-

"Thank you for coming to see me today."

That was definitely not what she was going to say.

She blinked repeatedly, her eyes once again fixed firmly on the amber irises so full of appreciation and zeal as she realised that she'd been, once again, beaten to her own speech. Judging by the amusement that reflected on Taichi's countenance, her surprise was apparent, and so she looked away instinctively, feeling her own face grow hot for no reason whatsoever. She still couldn't help but peek at him, however, and therefore, was able to see that the entertained expression was barely a veil that covered emotions far more meaningful and profound.

She couldn't recall a day in their lives when he had looked at her like this.

"Thank you for letting me stay," she replied simply, knowing that any variation of "it's nothing" would have been shot down by him immediately. "And for offering to talk later. And for staying and listening, and helping me with my cut and my bag and all that."

"It's nothing," he answered and she almost burst out laughing hearing his words.

She managed to swallow it back somehow, however, even despite her effort Taichi still caught the change in her expression and chuckled to himself, upon realising what he'd just done. She used the opportunity to reclaim the bag she'd been grasping.

Taichi let her. Then inhaled deeply, slowly, before adding, "Seriously though, I'm glad that you came. You... you've given me a lot to think about, I guess."

Chihaya's smile grew a little more wistful. "I'm glad, too."

She saw Taichi open his mouth, only to close it a second later, clearly unsure of what to say next – or maybe not what but if to speak at all. Curious, she tilted her head to the side and watched him patiently, awaiting the moment when he'd come to a decision on his own.

What might it have been that he still needed to tell her?

Anything in the world, she answered herself quietly. After all, there are so many things that I haven't told him, even though I wish I have done. It's only natural that the same would go for him.

The things she hadn't told him.

Just what were those things?

I quit the club.

I haven't accepted Arata.

I can't lose you.

Well, she supposed she hadn't really touched upon the first one. The second she had spoken of, if only partially. And as for the third...

...she could only pray that he would read between the lines and realise that truth by himself.

He was the smartest student in their year for a reason, wasn't he?

"I really should be going," Taichi said at last. Only slightly disappointed, Chihaya nodded in understanding. "I wasn't joking about the work at home."

Chihaya smiled encouragingly. "I thought so. You were supposed to be back hours ago, weren't you?"

"Yes. Though I'd already let my mother know that I'd be delayed."

"So she won't be angry with you?"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Taichi responded with a shrug. "But maybe she will be a little more understanding than usual. Still, there's no need to try her patience unnecessarily. I... I guess I'll see you at school?"

Again, she nodded. Taichi returned the gesture and, not waiting for another reply, he turned on his heel and set off towards his own house, his hands finding their way to his pockets as he walked farther and farther away from her. Chihaya watched him in silence for a few moments, glad to see the spring that seemed to have returned to his step.

And then, before she could think better of it, she cried his name loud enough for the entire neighbourhood to hear.

"Thank your mum from me, will you?" she called out again when she saw that she'd got his attention. "She will understand!"

Even in the distance, she could easily discern the astonishment that reflected not only on his face but in all of his features. She was also happy to see that the expression was quickly replaced by another chuckle of his, and grinned brightly at the sight, her heart swelling at the thought of where their conversation had brought them.

It was a long way that was before them, she had no doubt about that.

But that evening, that second, she realised that however difficult, it would still bring them to a happiness neither of them could now think of, perhaps in the form neither of them expected.

And she had no doubt about that, either.

Author’s note: and here ends volume 1!

It’s been so much fun, guys, I can’t thank you enough for all the enthusiasm you’ve shown. The story is far from finished, though, so look out for volume 2 (coming out as soon as ALL art for it is done)! And if you want to keep in touch and make sure you’re up to date, please check out the official Our Sleeves Discord Server.

See you soon, I hope!

[panharmonium]

@dreamersscape said: 

Part of why I like Shikamaru testing the would-be chunin with Kakashi’s principles so much is that Kakashi living by those words keeps Obito alive through them, right?  And Obito already had those values, but he was verbalizing them in connection to why he believes Sakumo was a hero, so this combined principle that defines who Sakumo, Obito, and Kakashi are, is now going to live on in Naruto, Shikamaru, and the rest of their generation.  And ofc “don’t put the rules above your comrades” is a good way to live regardless of whether any of their names are attached to it…I dunno, is it dumb to just want this to be Kakashi’s legacy over his other prowess/renown? (x)

NO IT IS NOT; I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!  (And I agree with what you said, that this is likely already how he’s going to be remembered - and I’m so grateful for that, because I think we know that there are many things in Kakashi’s life that have brought him renown but that he doesn’t want to be remembered for.  Thinking specifically about that scene where Kakashi takes out an enemy and Yamato makes that comment about “keep this up and you’ll be famous,” and Kakashi is clearly so uncomfortable with that...Kakashi doesn’t want that kind of recognition, the kind you earn from being particularly efficient at killing people.  He doesn’t want to go down in history as “cold-blooded Kakashi” - that was never something he wanted to be known as in the first place.)

Anyway, I was partway through writing the below post when I saw your replies about Kakashi’s family/legacy in relation to the new Chunin exams, and I just went, “we REALLY are having the exact same thoughts about this show” 🤝 so I’m just turning the rest of this post into a response to your comments, because I could not possibly agree with your angle on this topic more, and I knew my response wasn’t going to fit in the replies XD

The thing I kept thinking about when I saw that Shikamaru’s version of the Chunin exams was passing/failing students based on Kakashi’s criteria was that this is a HUGE paradigm shift for the Leaf Village (and for shinobi culture as a whole).  The new exams say that if you abandon a teammate to complete your mission (aka to pass your test), you’ve made the wrong decision.  The mark of a worthy shinobi, in this new framework, is your commitment to choosing people’s lives over the success of your mission.  But to have something like this enshrined into the Chunin exams would have been unthinkable in earlier generations.  When Kakashi’s father made a decision like this, he was breaking the law, and nothing about his choice was considered honorable or worthy or in any way acceptable.  He was blamed for it by the Land of Fire and the Leaf Village, “slandered and vilified” by his peers (even the ones whose lives he saved), and hounded to the point of suicide.  And even as little as four years ago, when Kakashi started working as a Jonin Leader, his philosophy for evaluating genin was still notorious, and his standards were considered to be abnormal (“It’s a good thing we didn’t get that jonin everybody talks about”/“Who does he think he is, making up his own criteria?”).  

But just a few short years later, the script has been completely flipped.  Now you can’t even become a chunin unless you demonstrate your commitment to putting your comrades’ lives first.  And I just keep thinking about how that must feel for Kakashi, to see the systems that punished his father so mercilessly finally start to crumble and fall.  To see a shift in the culture that indoctrinated Itachi and brainwashed Yamato into murdering family and friends, on the pretense that it was necessary for the sake of a mission.  To see the values Kakashi has tried to live by ever since Obito’s death incorporated into the official structures of the shinobi world, when previously they were grounds for vicious persecution.

To have Sakumo’s choices validated and affirmed by the shinobi world’s promotion structure when just a few short years ago those choices were universally reviled and earned Sakumo nothing but shame, hatred, and harassment must be such an emotionally overwhelming experience for his son, who went through his own kind of crucible in the wake of Sakumo’s departure but ultimately came out the other side more committed to his father’s ideals than ever.  To finally see things changing, and for these changes to be the direct result of Kakashi’s own teaching choices - I can’t imagine what that must feel like.  I don’t even think that Kakashi ever expected to see a world that’s progressed this far, to be honest.  He made a decision to embrace his father’s values, yes, but he did so long before they were considered acceptable, long before they were something he could ever expect to be rewarded for.  That’s why Obito told him “no matter what the village or anyone else may say, I think you’re a great jonin” - he knew Kakashi broke the rules to rescue Rin the same way Sakumo broke the rules to rescue his comrades, and he knew it was entirely possible that Kakashi would catch flak for it upon returning home.  In the shinobi world, the mission is absolute, and people who buck the system are branded as traitors.  If the Battle of Kannabi Bridge had gone poorly because of the detour Kakashi and Obito took, Kakashi may not have been welcomed home quite so warmly.  

Kakashi never really expects his choice to be rewarded or respected.  But despite this, and despite the fact that he knows the potential consequences better than anyone, he chooses to stand by his father’s values anyway.  He makes that decision the day he loses Obito, and he never looks back.  No matter how lost he becomes, or how much pain he goes through (I’ve thought this world was hell, too), he never loses sight of this one thing: he’ll never abandon a friend, and he’ll never bow to anyone who tells him that his mission requires him to do so.  That’s true throughout his time in ANBU (if your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  and the one who gave you those orders is wrong!), and it’s true when he becomes a teacher, too.  He persists in his convictions, no matter how unpopular they are, and he teaches them to an entire generation of children, even when people keep giving him the side-eye for failing entire teams of genin year after year.  

He never expects his behavior to make this kind of difference, and he’ll probably never give himself credit for any of the changes that we’re starting to see now, but the only reason these things are happening is because of the choices he made back then.  The new world we’re on the brink of building now is a direct result of Kakashi having taught his students the values that his father and Obito died for.  Kakashi’s teaching is what helps Naruto go from “when I become Hokage, the whole village will have to stop disrespecting me and start treating me like i’m somebody important” to “how could i ever become hokage if i can’t even save one friend/a true hokage never steps over his comrades’ bodies.”  It’s what helps Sakura go from “you obsessed about Sasuke, who was gone, while Naruto was right in front of you and you wouldn’t lift a finger to help him” to a decision to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to release Naruto from the promise he made to her, which is killing him.  It’s what helps Sasuke go from "you thought [your teammates] were so far beneath you they were worthless” to “I don’t ever want to see that again - my trusted comrades falling right in front of me,” as he offers to die for them against Gaara.  It’s what helps even Neji Hyuga go from a disdainful “who does he think he is, making up his own criteria” to an affirmation of those same criteria when telling the Hidden Rain ninja “it’s just the Chunin exams.  The safety of our teammate is more important than passing.”  

All of the changes that we’re seeing now are happening because Kakashi was committed to teaching the next generation the lessons he feels are important, contrary to widely-held public opinions and in defiance of the people who made a near-successful attempt at turning him against his own father: We never abandon our friends.  We never sacrifice our comrades.  If your orders are to kill a friend, then those orders are wrong.  We do what’s right, not what we’re told.  

The Hatake clan may not have a hereditary jutsu to be passed down to others, but THIS is their legacy.  This massive sea change in shinobi culture, the hard-fought shift away from a repeat of the tragically sacrificial Sakumos and Itachis and Tenzos of the old shinobi world, the total inversion of Mission > People to People > Mission - all of that started with Kakashi’s father, who died before he could see his work completed, but whose torch was picked up by Obito, and then by Kakashi, who made it his mission to pass on those ideals to the Leaf Village’s children, some of whom are now making policies that affect promotion criteria for the entire shinobi world.  

Just...I’m thinking about Kakashi taking Sakura out to celebrate and to hear all about her test, and I know she won’t even give Shikamaru’s last question a second thought, because to her it’s just natural that they’d be tested on that; Kakashi’s been testing them on that stuff since day one; it doesn’t even occur to her that there’s anything novel or strange or revolutionary about it; it’s just expected and accepted by her entire class that the principle “people are more important than rules” is something all shinobi should understand - when in reality, things have NEVER been like that before, and it’s taken SO much work to get here.  A question like this being included as pass/fail criteria on the Chunin exams would have been unimaginable just a few short years ago.  Kakashi’s father was harassed to his death for answering this question in the exact same way that is now required of anyone who wants to pass the test.  

What an incredible feeling that must be for Kakashi, who worked so hard and endured so much to keep these values alive.  To see how far the world has come - and to know how much of this progress is the result of his own choices, which he never thought would amount to anything so substantial - what a bizarre, beautiful, bittersweet feeling that must be.

[vizowrites]

My BlitzStrike Twins: Headcanons and Shenanigans~ [probably with a bit of my M&M kids thrown in just for fun]

So today I got a couple of fantastic asks about Blitz and Striker as parents, and since there seemed to be a pretty positive response to them--and because @helluva-simp​ is amazing and encouraged me to be brave enough to write this up--I thought I’d go ahead and make a full post of my headcanons for these two little devils.  I really do love the hell out of them and hope you guys enjoy hearing about them too!!  <3 <3

Twist’s and Ty’s full names are Twister and Typhoon but literally nobody calls them by their full names ever so they like to make the joke of “the ‘-er’ and the ‘-phoon’ are silent”

Ty is actually the older of the two [though not by much] but everyone thinks that Twist is because his name is always called first.  It’s always “Twist and Ty” [or just collectively “Twist-Ty”] instead of “Ty and Twist”.  Ty honestly doesn’t mind that much as far as following after his brother goes, just don’t make the mistake of trying to label him as the younger of the two.  There are a lot of things Ty’s perfectly content to let Twist take the lead in, but having the title of “the older twin” is just going too far.

Twist and Ty are mirror twins, meaning that they’re mostly identical except for a few key things: 1. Twist is left handed and Ty is right handed, 2. they both have heterochromia but Twist’s eyes are Left: Red | Right: Green-Gold whereas Ty’s eyes are Left: Green-Gold | Right: Red, 3. Twist has a birthmark on his right hand and Ty has his birthmark on his left hand--and yes when you put the two marks together, they form a design not unlike the heart shaped one on Blitz’s forehead :) 

Both of the twins are incredibly agile, but Twist is faster and Ty is more flexible

Striker affectionately calls Twist “Whirlwind” because of said fastness

Blitz affectionately calls Ty “Noodle” because of said flexibility

.....Though it should be noted that it’s not all fun and games because Twist is CONSTANTLY crashing into things or tripping over his own two feet from going too fast, and Ty is so flexible that he’s able to contort himself into positions that honestly make both of his parents throw up a little in their mouths with the split-second panic of “OH GOD OUR BABY WAS BORN WITHOUT BONES!!”  DX DX  They’re both usually just fine tho!!  :D

As noted in an earlier post--but I want to say it here too--Twist’s first word was “Bang!” and Ty’s first word was “Fuck!”  Twist was the first one to talk, though, and it made Striker and Blitz second guess the context of his first word by the time Ty said his. XD

Another thing that was noted in another post but I want to put it here too is that Twist and Ty have incredibly high self esteem and both Striker and Blitz wouldn’t have it any other way

Twist is dyslexic and so gets easily frustrated when he has to read a book, but he love love LOVES the hell out of stories.....and so Ty is almost constantly making up random stories to tell him

This actually also works out well in Ty’s favor because Ty’s attention span is about as short as Blitz’s patience and he has a lot more fun telling stories than he does sitting still long enough to read the ones that other people made up unless it’s a book about something he’s reeeeeeally interested in

It’s also made Ty hella good at bullshitting on the fly, which I think most of the older/adult members of his family wish he was a lot less convincing at

Twist knows how to lie and is a natural at acting, but his flair for the over-dramatics tends to give him a way a lot easier than his twin

They both have what I’m calling a “hierarchy of obedience” within their family which really translates into a range of “eh I can think about maybe listening to this person sometimes” to “oh SHIT I need to listen to this person 5 fucking minutes ago”.  For Twist, his hierarchy of obedience is: Millie --> Blitz --> Striker --> Loona --> Moxxie.  For Ty, his hierarchy of obedience is: Loona --> Millie --> Blitz --> Striker.....and Moxxie doesn’t even make the list for him because honestly I’m pretty sure Ty just naturally tunes him out most of the time and not even fully on purpose.  As he puts it: “You just have one of those voices”. XD

Ty can sleep literally anywhere and on anything.  I’m pretty sure there have been mornings where Blitz and Striker have to play the game of 'Where the hell is my kid??' because they THOUGHT that he went to sleep in his bed like their other child did but NOPE they go into their room in the morning to get them out of bed and are just like, “.....Twist where the hell is your brother??” and Twist just gives an innocent shrug and says, “I don’t know--probably on the roof or something.” u3u and goes out into the kitchen to make himself breakfast--and then two seconds later Blitz and Striker hear him calling out “NEVER MIND!  HE’S IN THE OVEN!!” and that starts off a whole new kind of panic because they know damn well that Twist’s favorite thing to have for breakfast is cinnamon rolls XD

Twist’s laughter is infectious--this really cute witch-like cackling that just bubbles out of him in the most adorably genuine way when he’s that delighted about someting

Ty does this adorable thing where--when he sticks his tongue out at someone--he flicks it in a very snake-like fashion and even gives the tiniest of hisses in lieu of a raspberry when he does it

Ty also manages to twist himself into the most uncomfortable-looking positions when he sleeps but rest assured, he’s never been more comfy

Twist’s tail never stays still.  It is constaintly flicking to and fro, back and forth, swishing and swirling like a cat’s tail, and he loves flicking it in front of people’s faces to get their attention

Twist in general doesn’t really stay still very often but the one time he did was when Ty broke his arm--and then he spent almost every moment of the day and night plastered to his side because he knew it was driving Ty crazy not being as mobile as he usually is while having to wear a cast

The twins really don’t ever go that far apart from each other.  If you look and only see the one, you can rest assured that the other one is around somewhere nearby and it’s probably not a good sign for you if you can only see the one.

Ty is much more of a biter when it comes to self-defense and Twist always goes straight to using his claws

Twist is the outwardly more protective twin and is vicious with his words when defending his brother.  He will force every last ounce of moisture out of your body from how hard he makes you cry.

Ty, on the other hand, will fuck you up hard physically if you try to hurt his twin--and Lucifer himself would not be able to save you if you actually do hurt his twin

As they get older, and their sexualities and gender develop and grow, Twist would discover that he’s a nonbinary he/they homosexual panromantic and Ty would discover that he’s a genderfluid he/she pansexual homoromantic

The above being said, both Twist and Ty wholeheartedly say “fuck you and your gender norms” from a very young age and well into their teenage and adult years, with Twist enjoying painting his nails and Ty carrying all of his stuff around in a purse--and they both have a preference for wearing high heeled shoes [Ty because he just likes being tall in general and Twist because he likes being specifically taller than his parents because it drives them crazy XD]

Twist and Ty’s best friend is “Missi” [Moxxie and Millie’s eldest daughter, Missile] and she’s honestly an absolute hero for putting up with as many of their shenanigans as she does

Whenever they go out on family outings, Twist is that kid who just NEVER wants to leave--and so Blitz usually, after spending ten minutes of trying to get him in the damn van and Striker even using his Dad Tone (TM) and that not working, will just be like, “Alright kiddo, I tried playing nice.  You asked for this.”  And he puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles with a, “Loona Sweetie?  Fetch.” >3 And Loona gets the BIGGEST grin on her face and Twist gets the biggest “oh shit I’m so fucking screwed” look on his face and Ty--who’s honestly probably very awkwardly coiled up in Striker’s arms because after a long day of family fun he’s tired af and decided that he doesn’t want to use his limbs anymore--just kind of looks over at his twin and says, “I believe in you, but also maybe try to run faster than last time” u3u

I think that they would both love their Auntie Barbie a lot and she would have soooooooo much fun teaching them different circus tricks--especially how to yeet each other back and forth on the trapeze XD

I also think that their Auntie Barbie would really love just how close they are.....and probably inspire her to make up for lost time in her relationship with her own twin too

For some reason I can’t shake the thought of the twins being great at acapella and I have no idea why but I’m also ttly here for it XD

In school, I feel like Twist’s favorite class would be Art [he loves to paint and happily makes all kinds of messes with his “expressing creativity”] and Ty’s favorite class would be P.E./Gym [because he loves testing the limits of his physical body]

Family game nights are always fun in their household because usually what happens is Twist and Ty team up against Blitz and Striker, and while they’re in the middle of duking it out, Loona ends up getting a monopoly on every street and is just like, “Pay up fuckers.” u3u

Moxxie and Millie both love and hate babysitting for the twins because on the one hand, they love them to pieces and love seeing how well they get along with their three kids, but on the other hand.....the twins keep finding Millie’s strap on and putting it on their middle child [Mark]’s head and calling him a “cockicorn” XD

Ty’s favorite food is ramen noodles and Twist spent three weeks [and probably set their kitchen on fire at least twice] learning how to make them with JUST the right flavor profile that he knows his brother likes the best

While I think both of the twins know that they can talk to their dads about anything, I think that they still keep their most personal thoughts reserved only to themselves and each other

Twist’s favorite type of weaponry tends to be more of the flashy ‘sharp and pointy’ kind whereas Ty’s favorite type of weaponry tends to be more of the aggressive ‘point and shoot’ kind.  However I honestly kind of think that in terms of what they’d use themselves in the field, Twist’s primary weapon of choice would be a whip [though he would definitely have some throwing knives and handheld revolvers in his back pocket too] and Ty’s primary weapon of choice is honestly poisons.  Assume that everything this kid has that he throws at you--be it a knife or a bullet or even a fucking cannonball--is poisoned somehow.

They both definitely play wrestle like Blitz and Barbie did as kids.....and just like Blitz and Barbie, they also get their horns tangled together more than once and need to have someone come rescue them.  There’s almost always a photo taken that gets posted to Voxtigram first tho. XD  

There are plenty more headcanons where this came from but I feel like this is already waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fucking long so I’m going to go ahead and stop here for tonight!!  If you guys are interested in hearing more about these two, please please please feel free to let me know and I’d be happy to write up a Part 2 to this, or just overall write up a quick little oneshot with them in it, or if you want to send me specific questions about them that I can answer, feel free to do so!!  Thanks so much again and I hope you guys have as much fun reading these as I did writing them up!! <3 <3

[shotofire]

omg thank you so much xd, that was so hilarious i couldn't stop laughing 😂, you're amazing never stop writing, i would like another oneshot modern levi if you dont mind, but this time his girlfriend prank him doing the challenge "pretending to give him a head/blowjob" thank you you're amazing 🖤🖤

I never mind your requests! It makes me so happy to see them in my inbox :p Thank you, you’re so sweet!!! I had to look up what this prank was lol but I the gist of it

•MODERN!LEVI x F!READER

•Warnings: cursing, smut... but not all the way

•Season: Not set within the show

(This is sort of a part two for, Who the hell is Mike?, some parts may be confusing if you haven’t read it)

-

Your best friend Angel bursted out laughing as you told her what had happened with Levi. It had been a week since you gave him a mini heart attack. Her eyes filled with tears as the laughing continued, she definitely found it comical.

Even more so, she wishes you recorded it. Of course doing what you did was out of character for you in general, so recording was definitely a no go. Plus it’s not like you’d post it, so what’s the point.

“I’m trying to imagine this face you’re describing,” she lets out more childish giggles, ���he scrunched up his nose? What if that’s like his jealous tick?”

It probably was, you’d never seen him do something like that before in all the years you two had been together. He was always calm and tried not to show expression, unless smiling, so seeing him do something so out of the ordinary was interesting.

“I don’t know, it may be,” you said and watched how her eyes sparkled with curiosity. Some part of you felt bad for what you had done, but Levi assured you it was okay. He even went as far as to say it was funny now that he knew you weren’t serious. He still would randomly tickle you and say it’s punishment for what you had done, but it was just an excuse to attack your sides and hear your uncontrollable laughter.

Even a week later he was still coming up behind you and holding you still while tickling you until he felt satisfied. It was okay for a few days but now he was just trying to annoy you, but in a way you deserved it. You had made him think you were cheating on him with some guy named Mike, so tickling was nothing compared to that.

Angel pulled out her phone, “I have something else you should do!” You raised your eyebrows skeptically, but she was already smiling. If it was something else that would hurt his heart you weren’t sure if you could do it.

Yes the facial expressions he made out of jealousy were hilarious to say the least, but his eyes had also softened in worry and hurt. That was something you didn’t want to see again. It showed you how much he loved you, and how the thought of you breaking the trust you’d built for many years scared him so much in that moment.

She showed you the video and you were kind of confused, just like the last time. It was a girl putting her hair up and leaning towards her, most likely, boyfriend then diverting her attention to something else. Angel laughed out loud, “Imagine Levi with that look of disappointment in his eyes.” You still were lost at what was going on and she noticed. She wanted to call you an oldie, but decided against it.

You truly were left out of the loop sometimes, but at the same time Angel admired that. It was rare in this day and age to have no desire for social media, and you probably had a healthier mindset than her.

The girl couldn’t help but roll her eyes at your confused state. “She made him think she was about to give him head, but she reached for the remote beside him and turned on the tv,” she explained like it was the most obvious thing ever. Maybe you didn’t get it because you never put your hair up when giving Levi a blowjob, he had a thing for holding your hair himself. You honestly didn’t think you could pull this one off due to that, Levi probably would just think you’re putting your hair up cause you feel like it.

“So uh, I don’t put my hair up when I give Levi head,” you admit with a blush, “he usually holds my hair for me.” Her eyes automatically widen and she lets out a snort at how embarrassed you were saying that. “Then you’re going to have to do something extra so he does think you’re gonna give him head,” she says with her hands waving in the air.

You let out a nervous chuckle unsure of how you’d even be able to do that. The idea was to make it seem like you were going to but at the same time not going to. You weren’t that skilled in the acting department.

Levi probably would tickle you till you can’t breath if you did something to mess with him again. But this wasn’t harmful for his sweet heart at all, the most it would do is give him blue balls. He could definitely live with that, he gets enough action out of you. The man may be older but he definitely still had a crazy sex drive. So, that made it even a better reason to mess with his hormones.

When a smile spread across your face Angel knew you’d made up you mind. “Look at you getting involved with the trends, I feel like a proud Mom,” she squealed with pure happiness. Heat rises to your cheeks, the girl had once again convinced you to mess with your boyfriend.

“Stop, you’re making me feel old,” you griped but had a playful smile on your face. She shakes her head at you and giggles before pulling up more video to show you.

Levi came home earlier than usual, Angel was still sitting on your couch talking up a storm. He thought she was a good friend, but he didn’t appreciate what she had convinced you to do a week ago. “You’re home early,” you said with a smile. You liked when he got off work at this time, it gave you two longer to spend time with one another. “Erwin gave me the rest of the week off with pay as a Christmas present,” he chuckled a bit remembering how awkward Erwin was as he called it a Christmas present.

You let out a light squeal and wrap your arms around him, “That’s so sweet! Now I get you all to myself.” Levi watched as your brows wiggled with suggestion and he smirked. “Well, I guess i’ll leave my favorite love birds alone,” Angel said with a fake frown. You gave her a hug and she was off, leaving you with Levi.

“Let’s watch a movie,” you propose, “we haven’t sat down and watched one in so long.” He agrees with the idea and you hug him once again. This was part of your plan, to be all clingy. Sure you two were attached at the hip but constant touching from you usually meant something. Plus you were getting him to be still, which was hard.

The man always wanted to catch up with work, but tonight he had no reason to, It was all falling into place. As if the universe wanted you to fuck with him again.

After Levi changed out of his work clothes into something comfortable it was really starting to set into motion. You’d already picked out the movie, made popcorn, and grabbed a hair tie from the bathroom. Purposely, you set the bowl of popcorn on the table next to Levi’s usually side of the couch. All the lights were out besides the luminosity of the television. “You sure are eager to watch a movie,” he said with a quirked brow. You’d already taken your seat on the couch and Levi followed suit.

You giggled at his words and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He kissed you back, expect on the nose, and your heart warmed at the gesture. He was making it harder to follow through with your devious plan. Why did he have to be such a sweetie? Minute after minute went by and your hands stayed on Levi. Wether it was playing with his hair, or holding his hand, you were being a touchy fanatic.

Right after you gave him a peck on the neck you knew it was time of time to trick him. His shoulders perked up when your lips had met his neck, sending a shock to his stomach. You sat up some and took the band off of your wrist before messily putting your hair up. Levi was looking at you with hungry eyes, you’d definitely fooled him.

You turned towards him and rested your palm on his lap. His heart was starting to beat faster and his body was becoming hot. Right as he thought you were about to kiss him you kept leaning past his face, grabbing the bowl of popcorn next to him instead. You leaned back into the couch and set the dish in your lap. Shock grew within him as you started to eat away as if nothing happened. As if you hadn’t made him turn into a horny mess within the span of 15 seconds.

It was so hard to not laugh at the confused and dumbfounded expressions on his face. In a way, to him, this was on a different level of cruel. His dick was straining in his pants as you stuffed your mouth with popcorn. “What was that about?” he finally said, not caring much about the movie anymore. You raised your brows in confused and munched away, “What are you talking about baby?”

He put the back on his hand over his eyes and slid it down his face. The last thing he wanted to do was be an asshole because he thought he was getting head. He kept telling himself he misread the situation and was being too much of an aroused fuck. But when you started giggling up a storm he knew you’d done it on purpose.

“It was Angels idea wasn’t it?” You nodded as an answer, still consumed with giggles. He huffed at you before grabbing your hand and put on his crotch. The feeling of his bulge made you almost automatically stop with your childish sounds. “See how easily you got me worked up?” you didn’t say anything, only watched as his grey eyes darkened in desire.

The action made you gulp. He grabbed the bowl of popcorn and set it back on the table next to him. You yelped as his strong hands pulled you onto his lap. Levi wasn’t going to let you win this time, he’d be damned if Angel laughed later on as you explained it. He was going to punish you in a different way now, one that would leave you screaming.

“I bet you’re a little worked up too,” his finger traces your collar bone and you can’t help but shiver. He bucked his hips a bit, making his member hit the right spot on your heat. When you let out a slight whimper he knew you were wrapped around his finger this time. You felt your parts become ignited from his touch. He definitely wasn’t holding back.

“I’m gonna make you beg for me to stop,” he whispers in your ear with his deep voice. Strong arms wrap around your waist as he carries you to the bedroom. Your stomach is filled with excitement and your heard is starting to spin at the adrenaline rush.

Once he sets you down on the bed his lips start to attack your neck. Sucking and biting almost every inch, moans slip past your lips in ecstasy. His hands play with your chest only adding to the feeling, and you’re in a fit on pleasure.

Your vision is blurred as his hands snake under your shirt. Lips move away for a second to lift the clothing over your head. You should have known Levi would react like this, he wasn’t going to let you get your way again.

Fingers looped around the waistband of your fuzzy pajama bottoms, slipping them off your legs. He kisses the inside of your thighs with wet lips which causes your breathing to become more uneven. His hands pressed into your sides once his mouth began to hover over your clothed core. His hot breath so close to where you needed him most made your body feel like jelly.

“Beg for it,” he whispers with a smirk plastered across his beautiful features. That’s when you knew he had a long night planned for the two of you.

[i-prefer-the-term-antihero]

Additionally, your thoughts on Dracula and Adrian from the Netflix adaptation of Castlevania? I find Dracula really tragic, and the ending scene of Season 2 crushed me because I was not expecting Adrian to cry. He’s usually so stoic and calm that I didn’t think he would weep, I expected him to just shrug it off like heroes usually do, but no, when given time to process everything, the first thing he does is break down into tears. Sypha was right in calling him a brooding teen in an adult body.

Ohh man. If you just take a look at my writing blog (or anywhere I post my fanfiction) it’ll become pretty clear pretty quickly how I feel about them XD So far all my Castlevania fics have been about the Tepes Family. Adrian and Drac are my favorite characters in the series!! (Though I do love pretty much all the characters in it.)

YES YES YES!!

They did an incredible job making Drac sympathetic and tragic. I don’t know if you know anything about the games, and granted, they couldn’t put a lot of story stuff in the games, but (at least as far as I’m aware) in most of them it’s like “ya, he was an evil dude who did evil things because he was evil.” So it actually would have been pretty accurate to the source to make him just an unsympathetic, irredeemable villain, but they didn’t and I LOVE them for it. Playing Symphony of the Night (Alucards game) after watching the series l was almost longing for that Drac I know and love from the series, (though it’s fun to see evil Drac too).

As I’ve said, I adore redeemable villains, and they did an amazing job with him, to the point where pretty much everyone in the fandom adores him, which is extremely tough to accomplish—even if you write a redeemable villain well, often large parts of the fandom don’t see it and hate the character. I knew that the point was that they were going to defeat Drac but I have to say, especially since I originally knew nothing of the games, I was hoping they’d save him by the end.

I think the fact that he liked and was kind to Hector and Isaac was evidence that he wasn’t too far gone. I mean, the only two people he genuinely trusted and liked in his court were human…that’s so interesting, I wish it was at least talked about, either in the show or in the fandom. I think he actually liked humans, partially or especially because of Lisa, he just...was so angry, and needed someone to blame. He probably ultimately blamed himself for not being there to save her, and it was just easier to blame the humans he once hated/didn’t understand, even if in reality he didn’t hate them as much as he thought he did...

Doing more thinking and research into the show for my “If These Walls Could Talk” fic I recognize now that symbolically it made sense even within the show that he died when Lisa died (which I can explain more about if you want but id probably end up going off on a long tangent so I’ll save it)...but I still thought practically, in the show, he could have still been redeemed.

Omg I LOVED that. The longer I take to sit with it, the more I realize just how much I loved that they put him crying instead of shaking it off.

It’s very interesting that Drac and Alucard are more openly emotional characters. I might be totally wrong, but as far as I remember, they (...and Lisa when she dies, and probably Isaac in a flashback), are the only main characters we see openly cry. It’s a pretty bold move to make any of your characters emotional like that, but especially your villain, and your bold handsome hero. It’s sooo easy to get emotional characters and emotions wrong…or just offputting to some people...but more on that later.

I think Adrian and Drac are both rather sentimental, in an odd way. Much of Drac’s motivations in the show and even in the games (the times his motivations are explained) had to do with his wives (yes he was married before Lisa in the games...unless Lament of Innocence was retconned...) which is interesting. So many of his decisions are based on emotion. He lets Lisa in just because he likes her, he goes to war with the world because of Lisa, he sits in his study mourning her loss, he let’s Alucard kill him… I also notice very often he digs his nails into his palms until they bleed, presumably because if he didn’t he’d hurt someone else (in the scene where he hurts Alucard, he does this). His sentimentality doesn’t diminish is power as a villain, which is SO difficult to accomplish.

 I am emotional myself so I absolutely love to see emotional characters, but for most people, seeing even a normal character be emotional diminishes them in their eyes, or makes them whiny, so making your villain even a little emotional, and having that not take away from the audiences perception of their power as a villain is sooooooo hard to do, and I applaud them for making a so well-beloved, and still villainous and intimidating, but also emotional (at times) villain.

For Alucard. I don’t see any problem with him being emotional, but it makes even more sense if he’s a teen in an adult’s body—which was indeed portrayed quite well.

Yes that was interesting when he cried when drawing his parents!! I wasn’t expecting that when I saw him drawing them. I was enjoying and intrigued by his story so much, then when he started crying I was caught off guard—but in a good way. It really made me feel for him, and understand that he was still grieving his mother, and that knew the gravity of what he was currently doing.

I think it’s kind of important to show that kind of thing in a situation like this. It’s easy to think Alucard hates his dad, and they need to show the emotion of the situation to make it clear “no he doesn’t hate his dad, this actually breaks his heart, he just knows he has to do this.”

I loved when he was telling Trevor and Sypha about how much the world would lose by killing Dracula. It’s really interesting that he hides his emotion with them, and that Trevor and Sypha are so stoic. The son of Dracula isn’t the guy you expect to be the only hero who cries.

In “For Love” when Trevor’s like “Don’t get weepy about it” I was sitting there, sobbing, like “No, please get weepy about it! Let the boy cry for goodness sake!! Give me some emotion!!” But I too was not expecting him to cry like he did, and in grieving the death of his parents...

I knew the crying scene was coming because I’d seen pictures of it on here and pinterest, but I had no context for it. In the end it wasn’t just the weeping itself that made the scene so impactful, it was everything surrounding it. I didn’t know it would happen when he was completely alone (and would be for the foreseeable future), and in grieving his parents, or about the ghosts/flashbacks before it (cementing his grief), or that it was literally the last scene of the season, or that there would be no music for both the scene and the credits thereafter.

And that was what really got me.

Because, firstly, we never got to see any flashbacks to his childhood, and that was what I was begging for the entire series (and hence why its what I write about). To finally get it, and it not to just be something the audience gets to see, but something Alucard himself is seeing... a happy memory he’s seeing when he knows that is completely gone, he cannot hope to have it again, and for him to now be in his father’s place…that’s heartbreaking. Like just having your character cry—let alone those kinds of full-on sobs—is painful enough, showing a son grieving his parents is a particularly heart wrenching kind of sadness, but showing that he is haunted by memories of those parents he lost—not only lost but one of which he killed, and, if SOTN is canon for the show, the other of which he could have saved—of a happy childhood, and he is alone with these memories for the foreseeable future...that is truly heart wrenching.

Also the scene with Trevor and Sypha in the wagon earlier in the episode was super sweet, they could have easily put the Adrian crying scene earlier, and had the Trevor and Sypha scene be the last scene of the season (and Trevor’s game actually does end with them looking into the sunset, so ending with the last scene of “For Love” would be accurate as well), and left it on a positive note, and the audience would have been left with a completeness. But they made a conscious choice put his crying scene last, and it was so powerful, because it made you remember that at the end of the day, he isn’t just our bold handsome hero, he was a son who lost both his parents, and that, to him, this isn’t really a triumph, but a loss. It also kinda confirmed that Drac wasn’t an "evil guy, end of story". That there was reason to grieve him, and to show his son grieving, and to leave it there because of it. It was a personal gravity too

In the end, it was the lack of music in the scene, and even more so during the credits, so theres only his tears, and all you are left with in the end is this amplified emptiness that really did me in. I think I literally sat there, tear tracks on my face, my mouth open when I hit the credits.

Playing Symphony of the Night after watching the show is really interesting in exploring his character. I knew there was very little story, so I wasn’t expecting much from the story, but I actually found that I was beyond excited whenever there actually was some story, and the few lines they did say are stuck with me.

Maria comments early on that Alucard’s not very good at talking. At first I just chalked it up to...weird translations or whatever. But the more I played the game and the more I thought about him in the show...I think she’s right. He’s not very good at talking, yet if and when he does talk he’s quite eloquent, and precise with his words. (This actually makes him a somewhat difficult character to write). I wonder if perhaps this has some connection to his emotionalness. He’s very careful with what he says, and this may spread to what he does—such as being careful when he shows emotion. I’m curious why he’s like this. It could just be his nature, but I wonder if as a kid he was ever hated because he was a vampire—maybe people made fun of him, and he cried, and they made more fun of him because of it—and he learned both to hide his emotions, and that he had to be very deliberate and show people he didn’t mean any ill will with his words. (And he looks older than he is so people might call him immature for acting his mental age). All very speculative, of course. But it’d be fun to write about!

Also, another thing from SOTN that is related to this topic, there was a fight that really struck me (enough I actually wrote a fic about it (inverted recurrence)). SOTN takes plays 300 years after the events of The Netflix Series (aka Dracula’s Curse). Most of the bosses don’t seem to have a lot of meaning story-wise, they’re just there for you to fight. The other day I (Alucard) walked into a boss room...and there were Trevor, Sypha, and Grant (who was omitted from the Netflix series). They were fake versions of them, of course. And there’s no dialogue in the fight so maybe I’m just speculating, but what struck me was that the fact that Dracula could use them against him probably means he still cares about them, even after 300 years. It probably also means that they’re some of the only friends he’s ever had. Granted, he was asleep for a good chunk of those 300 years, still. It goes back to that sentimental-ness I was talking about earlier.

I few years ago I watched the Gravity Falls commentaries, and from them I got a lot of the writing advice I still think about and use today. Alex Hirsch said something on this subject which I really liked which is “Hold your tears.” When a character cries they’ve broken, that’s as far as they can go. So if you make a character cry when the audience themselves doesn’t feel the weight of the scene, or it doesn’t feel like the character has broken yet, it can feel like too...much/cheesy, and distance the audience. especially with cartoons where the way it’s drawn can actually affect your sympathy for the character (it can look weird or accentuated).

They did such an awesome job with this by literally holding his tears until the very end. I don’t know how other, non-emotional people felt about it, but Ive don’t know if I’ve ever seen tears used so well in a show, pack such a punch. To have it not just be a part of the scene but literally the focus, and at the end...it was powerful.

Sorry for the long response, and more importantly, I’m beyond sorry for taking so so SOOO long to respond. I hope you enjoy my response, if you see it <3

P.S. For anyone else who made it all the way to the end, I actually have a Castlevania sideblog now: @symphonyofthewrite !! I’d be beyond happy to recieve asks like this over there, if you’d like to hear more of my thoughts!!

[thatonerandomfan4]

Madness Combat: Just Bros Being Dudes

AO3 Link:

(Hhh This Took A Long Ass While Lmao)

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Fandom: Madness Combat

Characters: Deimos, Sanford, Hank (Briefly), Jebus (Briefly), Tricky (Briefly)

Platonic Or Romantic?: Romantic Sanmos

Summary: Just A Normal Saturday In Nevada For The Boyfriends, Sanford And Deimos. They Also Share Their First Kiss With The Help Of Hank And Tricky Thanks To A Text Message. Also Deimos Makes A Lot Of Jokes, If You Know Them Then Congrats. :) If Not, That's Ok.

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The Sound Of The Alarm Clock Went Off At 8:00 AM, Causing Deimos To Wake Up From His Slumber. He Sat Up From The Sleeping Position He Was In And Yawned While Stretching Before Hitting The Snooze Button And Rubbing His Eyes. Looking Over To His Side, He Noticed Sanford Was Absent From His Side Of The Bed. It Was Cold, So He Had Been Probably Gone For A While Now. It Was Done Nicely Compared To The Smaller Man's Side Of The Bed, Which Was Very Messy.

Deimos Knew San Liked To Wake Up An Hour Or Two Earlier Than Him All The Time. He Did That Even If They Weren’t Being Bothered By The L33t / A.A.H.W (Agency Against Hank Wimbleton) Groups Anymore. Deimos Slipped On The Closest Pair Of Slippers He Had By The Bed And Headed Toward The Kitchen. There He Heard Pans Being Set Down On The Stove Or In The Sink To Be Washed Later And Bacon Sizzling In A Pan.

Sanford Was At The Stove Making Breakfast While Whistling One Of Their Favorite Songs. That Favorite Song Happened To Be Poker Face By Lady Gaga, Deimos Would Always Sing And Dance Happily To It While Sanford Watched And Laughed During Their Breaks In Between Missions. Deimos Instantly Smiled At The Sight Of His Boyfriend Being In A Good Mood On A Morning. Everyone Knew Sanford Wasn't Much Of A Morning Person, He Was Only Cheerful When He Knew He Was Going To Have A Good Day.

It Always Was Fun Going On Missions Together And Then Getting To Relax With Each Other Afterwards. They Loved To Chat And Goof Off With Each Other All The Time. The Smaller Man Quietly Shuffled Into The Kitchen Being Careful Not To Distract The Man Cooking And Sat Down In A Chair. Ford Smiled And Flipped The Pancakes In The Pan. San Turned Around To See His Beloved Boyfriend Sitting At The Table.

Sanford, Smug: “Enjoying The View, Dee?’

Deimos, Jumping In Surprise And Hiding His Face In Embarrassment: “U-Uh What? Yeah, I Like Roses. I Mean What-”

Sanford, Giggling A Bit: “What? Anyway, How Many Pancakes Do You Want?”

Deimos: “Ooo, Can I Have 4?”

Sanford Nods And Turns Around, Walking Back To The Stove To Continue Their Breakfast. Deimos Watched His Boyfriend With Love In His Eyes. Dee Loved Watching His Boyfriend Do Anything; He Even Has A Whole Photo Album Full Of...Just Sanford In Battle Poses, Laying Down, Sitting, Ect..

Sanford Knew About Deimos’s Pictures. He Didn’t Really Mind, It Was Just When They Got Posted Online And Girls Were Coming To The Posts and Simping For The Man In The Bandana. Cut Back To Deimos Looking At Sanford With Love In His Eyes, Dee’s Tablet Vibrated On The Table.

Deimos Quickly Picked It Up, And Saw It Was From Hank. His Panic Died Down A Bit, And He Just Stared At The Notification. Like Sanford, Hank Liked Getting Up Early So He Can Get Things Done. One Of Those Things Would Be Making Sure Tricky Wasn’t Eating All The Food In The Fridge. Tricky Normally Has To Be Fed At Least 8 Times A Day To Ease His Chaotic Nature For A Few Minutes At Most. Then Jebus Has To Look After Him For Safety Reasons.

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Hank: Deimos. Are You Up?

Hank: Deimos? It's 7:04 AM.

Hank: ?

Hank: Deimos??

Hank: Oh Yeah. I Forgot You Like To Sleep In

Hank: You're Probably Going To Wake Up At 8:30 AM, As Always.

Hank: Anyway, I Just Wanted To Say Tricky Misses You Guys. He Keeps Talking About You And He’s Wondering If You 2 Can Come Play With Him Later Today Or Tomorrow.

Hank: He's Happy You Two Are A Couple Now. He Bought A Gift For You Too.

Hank: Well….He Stole It, Then I Had To Pay For The Damage….AND The Gift

Hank: Also, Quick Question….Have You 2 Even Kissed Yet?

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There Was Silence For A Good 3 Seconds Until Deimos Screamed, Startling Sanford. The Tablet Fell On The Table Before Ford Could Even Reach His Boyfriend. The Man In The Bandana Hugged His Boyfriend To Calm Him. Ford Thought It Was Some Fangirl Who Messaged Him And Sent Something Gross As That Happened Very Often. He Took The Tablet To See For Himself, And Snorted When He Saw The Message. He Looked At Deimos Desperately Trying Not To Laugh At What He Saw.

Sanford: “You-” *He Quietly Giggles, Trying Not To Embarrass Deimos On Purpose* “You’re Screaming Because We Haven’t Kissed Yet?”

Deimos: “Well- I- Yo- We- He-”

He Was Immediately Silenced By His Boyfriend’s Lips Making Contact With His. They Stayed Like That For A Few Minutes Before Sanford Pulled Back And Got Back To The Stove. Deimos Just Sat There In Shock, His Face All Hot And Red. That Was Their First Ever Kiss, And Deimos Wanted To Be Involved Too. Just Thinking About It Made Him More Flustered. He Must've Been Spaced Out For A While Because When He Looked Up, Sanford Wasn't There. He Checked His Tablet Again And Saw A Notification: A Text From Hank.

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Hank: Lol. Sanford Told Me You Screamed When I Asked.

Hank: That Probably Was Really Funny In Person

Hank: If Only He Recorded It.

Hank: *[One Attachment Sent]*

{Hank: He Didn’t Answer My Question. Did You Guys Kiss Yet Orrr?

Sanford: Well Yes And No. You Embarrassed Him Lol. It Was So Funny Haha

Sanford: He Screamed When He Saw Your Message, Then I Kissed Him.

Hank: Pfft- Are You Serious?! Wow Lol

Sanford: Yeah Lmao. Made Me Throw A Pancake At The Ceiling. It Was Mine Too :(

Sanford: Good Wasted Pancake :(

Sanford: *[One Attachment Sent]* {Image Description: A Gray Tiled Ceiling With A Medium-Sized Pancake Smacked In Between 4 Tiles.}

Hank: XD}

Deimos: I-

Deimos: YOU!! >:( THAT WAS YOUR FAULT HANK J. WIMBLETON!!

Deimos: YOU MADE HIM WASTE HIS PANCAKE. THAT WAS YOU!!

Deimos: YOU FUDGING BULLY >:(

Deimos: I'LL HECKING FIGHT YOU!!

Hank: XD

Hank: Yeah Right Lol. I'll See You Later

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A Couple Minutes Pass And Sanford Taps Deimos On The Shoulder. Dee Turns Around To See His Boyfriend Fully Dressed. A Pile Of Clothes Was Placed In The Seat Next To The Shorter Man. Deimos Could Only Assume It Was His Clothing, As Hank Did Invite Them Over To See Tricky. The Smoker Popped A Cigarette In His Mouth And Left To Get Dressed. Once He Got Back, He Put His Cigarette In The Ashtray And Got Sanford Greeted With A Kiss. Well 2, One On The Forehead And One On The Mouth.

Deimos: “You Know, You Could’ve Waited Till I Was Ready For The Kiss.”

Sanford: “Why? It Would’ve Been A Year Or Two If You Said You Were Ready. That’s Basically How Our Relationship Started. Everyone Knows That, Ev-EVEN TRICKY KNOWS!”

Deimos’s Face Just Heated Up, He Knew That Was True And Couldn't Argue. After That Chat, Sanford And Deimos Got In Their Car And Headed To The Base. Deimos Was Messaging Hank During The Entire Ride. Hank Was Teasing Deimos A Lot About The Kiss, And How Deimos Reacted When It Was First Brought Up. Deimos Yelled-Texted At Hank Again, Causing The Man In The Red Goggles To Laugh Again. Dee Put His Tablet Away Once They Got To The Base. Of Course, None Other Than Hank Himself Was There To Greet Them And Welcome Them Back In.

They Passed The Savior, Jebus, Who Was Reading A Book, Supposedly A Bible Or Something He Could Find Lying Around. He Was Sitting At A Table With Red Wine In A Fancy Glass And Biscuits On A Plate. Deimos Wondered If Hank Told Him About It, Since He Received A Teasing Look. Sanford Just Thought Nothing Of It, And Wanted To See If Tricky Had Actually Changed Since Their Last Encounter With Him.

Once They Approached Tricky's Room, Or Area (Whatever You Would Call It), They Saw Signs Like 'Caution: Beware The Clown', And 'Do Not Enter Unless You Are Hank'. They Were Also Greeted By The Sound Of Someone Eating Something Viciously.

Looking From The Glass Window On The Wall, They Saw The Clown Filling His Face With All Different Kinds Of Food. He Stopped To Grab A Drink, But Got Distracted By Seeing Hank With Sanford And Deimos. Tricky Immediately Ran To The Glass And Smacked His Face Against It, Causing Ford And Dee To Jump Back.

Tricky Smiled In Delight After Seeing Deimos And Sanford For The First Time In A Long While. He Waved Through The Glass, Then Rushed To The Speaker. The Faint Sound Of Someone Yelling 'HAAANNK!' And 'VALID. FRIENDS' Could Be Heard Through The Speaker. The Door Suddenly Opened Slowly, The Smell Of All Kinds Of Foods Plus Blood Pouring Out Of The Opening And The Cracks. The Clown Immediately Jumped Out Of The Room, Startling The Trio.

Tricky: "SANFORD! HANK! DEIMOS! FRIENDS! VALID. YES."

Hank Actually Smiled Upon Tricky's Entrance, He Patted The Clown's Head Twice And Let The Other 2 Do The Same Thing After. They Talked About Everything That Happened, And Caught Up With Each Other. Jebus Entered The Room Half Way Through The Conversation And Joined In. They Chatted For Hours, Tricky Was The One To Point Out The Time To Everyone. Sanford Said That He And Deimos Had To Leave, As It Was Late (11:12 PM).

They Said Their Goodbyes Before Ford And Dee Headed Out. They Stayed Silent In The Car, Just Thinking About How Much The Others Have Changed. Tricky, Who Has Become More Friendly And Takes Baths. Hank, Who Is More Calm And 'Married To A Blender'. And Jebus, Who Has More Control And Is Starting To Learn Dad Jokes.

Deimos: "I Had Fun Chatting With Them After A While. I Just Wish Candice Was There With Us, I Miss Her."

Sanford: "...We Didn't Know A Candice."

Deimos, Grinning: "I Know Candice. I've Known Her For A While Now."

Sanford, Not Falling For It: "Good For You. Is She Nice?"

Deimos: "....Y-Yeah…...Although Her House Really Smells Like Updog. It's A Problem."

Sanford: "......Really?"

Deimos, Pushing The Joke: "Yes, Especially The Kitchen. It Really Reeks Of Updog. It's Disgusting, Bleck"

Sanford, Sighing And Smiling: "What Is Updog?"

Deimos, Giggling Like A Child: "Nahat Much Wh-"

Deimos Couldn't Finish His Sentence Because He Was Laughing. Sanford Just Snorted And Smiled, He Always Knew How He Could Get His Boyfriend Lost In Laughter. Even If A Joke Wasn't Really That Funny, Deimos Could Be Laughing For An Hour. He Absolutely Loves Jokes Of All Kinds And It Doesn't Matter Who Tells Them. By The Time They Arrived Home, Deimos Was Still Slightly Giggling And Wiping A Tear From His Eye.

Sanford Carried Deimos Into The House, As The Man In The Visor Finished His Giggling Fit. Ford Set His Boyfriend Onto The Couch And Started Getting Ready For Bed. He Left Dee Some Comfy Clothes To Slip Into For Bed. About A Couple Minutes Later They Both Were On The Couch In Pajamas (Or Just Clothes They Never Wear To Work).

Deimos: "Why Weren’t You Laughing At The Joke, Sanford?"

Sanford: "The Joke Wasn't That Funny, Deimos. You've Heard It Over One Hundred Times Already."

Deimos, Giggling Again: "But..It's Funny."

Sanford, Trying Not To Smile: "It-It's Really Not."

Deimos, Now Full On Laughing: "I- It Was Funny When Hank Fell For The Candice Joke." *He Smacked His Side While He Laughed* "It Hurt Like Hell, But It Was Worth It!"

Sanford, Smiling But Trying Hard Not To Laugh: "Oh Right I Forgot About That."

Sanford Then Let Deimos Cuddle Against Him As He Laughed Again. He Only Laughed Harder When Sanford Yelled, 'It's Not That Funny!'. Eventually, Ford Was Laughing As Well With His Boyfriend. They Laughed Until They Eventually Fell Asleep. Today Was A Good Day For Both Of Them, And They Were Happy They Could Spend It Together, Like Old Times.

[dropofgoldensun]

lilacs | p.jm. (bts)

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: florist au, fluff

word count: 800

warnings: none

summary: jimin has always given you flowers — since he’s the main worker at the florist shop and that’s his job — but he’s never actually given you flowers. until today.

a/n: my friend @euphoria-vmin7 and i were talking about timestamps and florist jimin (because who doesn’t want to talk about florist jimin?) and uhhh somehow this happened and i texted this to her and she was like POST IT so here this is XD i don’t usually write fics for bts and i’m sorry if this sucks, but this is dedicated to you miss rey, thank you for inspiring me 💖💖💖

(also i’m still having tag issues so this is a repost, sorry T^T)

The small flower shop by the beach has always been one of your favorite places to visit. At times you’ve found yourself there, sometimes browsing, occasionally buying, but often talking to the lovely florist with the chocolatey brown hair.

He had told you his name was Jimin, and ever since the first time you’ve set foot in his shop, he’s always been helpful in suggesting flowers for whatever occasion you bring to him. He also seems to have a special talent for assembling bouquets — never overdone yet never lacking, and every single flower is arranged perfectly, not a petal out of place.

Yet one day you come to him in distress, longing to be comforted by the warm glow of the late afternoon sun and the boy who now occupies a rather large space in your heart. In a few months, all your closest friends since childhood will be moving to universities, while you have chosen to stay in the same town you grew up in.

You tell him none of this, but he notices your expression and wordlessly brings out a bouquet from behind the counter. How did he make it so soon after you walked through the door?

Unless… he had started it earlier…

And he gives it to you, a textured array of purples and pinks. “What’s this?” you ask.

“It’s for you,” he says, the tips of his ears turning red. “I — I’ve been meaning to make you one for a while.”

You gently touch one of the larger flowers, the petals feeling velvety under your fingers. “For�� me?”

“Yeah,” he says, hoping you don’t notice how flustered he’s getting.

Knowing Jimin, he was a flower expert and never added anything without first giving it a great deal of thought. “What do they mean?” you ask, the plastic wrap crinkling loudly in the small shop as you lower it and gaze up at him.

He feigns innocence. “What does what mean?”

“The flowers, what do they represent?”

“Oh, um…” He bites his bottom lip nervously and gestures to the pink flowers. “These are peonies. They represent prosperity, compassion, and sometimes shyness.” Hmm, now that he mentions it, you are starting to feel a bit shy in his presence. Maybe he’s right about that last part.

“And these, uh…” He points to the small flowers that are a darker shade of purple. “These magenta ones are lilacs. They symbolize passion, and — and I remember you told me about your passion for music and dance… so that’s why I added them. Mmhm.”

But you realize that the entire time, he hasn’t yet mentioned the lighter purple flowers — a different kind of lilac, since they look similar to the ones he’s just described. They’re the most abundant in the bouquet, but he hasn’t explained them yet. Almost as if he’s been avoiding bringing it up.

“And what are these ones?” You hold up one of the buds with a lifted finger.

“Um…” He visibly swallows, and he immediately realizes that maybe he’s made a mistake in giving this to you. “Umm…”

You wait patiently for his answer, which he eventually delivers. “Theymeanfirstlove,” he says quickly, his cheeks flushing.

You lean forward to hear better. “What was that?”

“They — they mean… first love,” he mumbles. “And so do the rest of them,” he confesses. “They all mean — they mean love.” And he glances up to see your reaction, only to find that your face is just as red as his. “Y-yeah,” he finishes awkwardly and looks away. “Sorry…”

“Sorry?” You stare at him in awe. “Jimin, this is — this is really sweet of you, thank you.” You hand it back to him, careful not to mess up the bouquet, and that’s when Jimin knows that he’s made a huge mistake. He’s ruined it, hasn’t he, he’s ruined his friendship with you, and he’s —

“For you too,” you say, trying to stare at anything else that isn’t him out of embarrassment. “I — I mean all of those things, too, Jimin.”

His mouth forms an “O” shape and his eyes widen. “So… you’re saying… you feel the same w—”

His words are abruptly cut off by the sensation of your lips to his cheek. “Yeah,” you say shyly as you step back. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then is it okay if I —” He stops, glancing between your irises for any sign of permission. He finds it in the way your eyes crinkle as you smile, and takes that as his cue to lean forwards and press his plush lips against yours.

As sunlight ventures into the shop through wooden blinds, the beams dance over your back and the collar of Jimin’s shirt, illuminating the room with the final light of the day and the first light for the two of you.

[kindlespice]

late ass replies but this time i have so much stuff to reply to that i actually need to split things up into categories :))))

also i apologize if any of this is no longer relevant / i am of absolutely no help :)))

otherwise, if you’ve asked a reshade related question...uh... sometime between christmas and now LMAO then it’s probably here!

nonny :

Hello Mikayla, I hope you're having a lovely year so far. I just wanted to ask this about the dove preshade (1st question here) kindlespice/tumblr/com/post/632163463099269120/ft-reshade-questions-a-theme-question-nonny i'm having the same problem, i have a new computer and after installing the game and it's last 3 updates and then the reshade it's not looking the same and it sucks bc i know how it's supposed to look (1)

the shadows are not as noticeable, the transparency between the walls is not there and the blur is gone (i have miiko´s ghibli's cloud override but i had that on my old computer and the reshade still looked normal) idk if it's the game or the reshade but it sucks bc i love how the original looks like anyways it would be really helpfull if you could answer. Take care and stay safe :))!!! (2/2)

hi hi! thanks for the kind message and i hope your year is going well! if I had to take a guess, I would say that maybe some of your settings in-game have changed? I would double check and make sure you’ve got edge smoothing off, and you could try turning off post-processing as well (im not ACTUALLY sure if turning off post processing does anything but it’s worth a shot!) otherwise i would try removing the preset and redownloading it? maybe the settings of the preset got jacked up and you can fix it by re-installing. let me know if this helps! if not, then you can always dm me so i can see pics of your situation!

nonny:

Hi! Sorry if this is worded odd but I just downloaded your Leif reshade and have completed all the steps, however there is still this blur over the screen which isn't the best for game play. If you could help explain how to toggle it for gameplay/cas that would be great :)

hi hi! the blur is the DoF (depth-of-field). it’s used for taking screenshots and is supposed to make the background all blurry. to disable it, you can use the hotkey shift-2 or open the reshade menu and manually untick the DoF option!

nonny:

Hi, i just installed the latest version of the dove preset and my game is dark. It is the MXAO that is doing it but i don't have the preprocessor definitions box. How do i fix it?

hello! im assuming you have a 4.0 version of reshade if you can’t find the box. in this version, it’s a blue tab called “Edit Global Preprocessor Definitions” beneath all the toggleable effects. if you have an earlier version, it should be under the “settings” tab at the top though.

nonny:

Hello!! Thank you so much for your work! I have a really quick question - so I am trying to work with the reshade and got it all set but when I play around with it, my objects don’t look “rounded”. If that makes sense. Other people who use it, their objects look rounded and smooth and just different (I have an image for reference) but mine just looks like the normal objects just different colors. Is there something I’m missing or doing something wrong? I have all the settings correct. :)

hi hi! hmm, im not really sure what that could be... probably something to do with mxao bc it’s always something to do with mxao lol. I would double check to make sure you have this line in your preprocessor definitions: RESHADE_DEPTH_INPUT_IS_REVERSED = 0 this line should equal 0 for the mxao to work properly. that might give you the “rounded” look. if this doesn’t fix it for you then you should go ahead and dm me so i can see what the game looks like!

nonny:

Hey, I tried your Dove preset but my game just can't handle it, it's pretty old and I just have to uninstall the reshade (even though I really loved the effect) but I'm scared to do anything in the Game folder or delete anything. Could you please help me with what to remove? I'm scared to break my game if I delete something that souldn't be deleted :( I tried searching for this in your WCIF and reshade questions and couldn't find an answear. Please help

hello! sorry to hear that your game can’t handle the preset :( here’s to hoping you can get an upgrade in the future! anyhow, to uninstall; i believe you only need to remove 

ReShade - config settings (it’ll have a little paper w/ gear next to it)

d3d9.dll - application extension  (it’ll have a little paper w/ gears ON it)

d3d9 - text document (little paper w/ lines icon)

reshade-shaders - folder

your reshade presets - config settings (if you remove the files above first though, you won’t be able to use/see these in-game)

that should uninstall reshade from your game! and don’t worry, if you accidentally remove something you didn’t want to, you can “verify your game files” through origin and that should restore any missing files. unless you.. *ahem*... acquired your game through other means... in which case be careful XD

@maddybarbz

Omg I don't know if you are active or not but I'm having some problems. So I downloaded the 3.0.8 and it was going smoothly but I loaded the game it said that magic bloom had issues.

i don’t know if im active either. probably not tbh XD but im here now so here ya go! i would recommend deleting the shaders you’re having problems with and then putting back the 3.0.8 shaders you downloaded. it’s really easy for things to break / be incompatible during the install so your best bet is always to delete the ones giving you trouble and put the new ones in.

@kaiamikulka

hi! I’ve been jealously stalking your page for a while, because I’m in love with the dove preset, but I’m very confused about how to download it. My computer keeps marking it as a virus, so i was kinda scared to download it. and when i finally did, it didn’t show up in my game. could you walk me through how to download it?(i have a pc laptop)

Thank you so much,

Kaia☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️

hi hi! lol im flattered for the jealousy stalk! anyway im not sure why it wouldn’t be showing up in game? unless you were so excited that you forgot to install reshade with it? i have a video here explaining how to install a recent version of reshade and set up dove with it so you can check that out here !

@bojanastarcevic​

Hello, I've been trying to fix the dove reshade for a long time, but the new version just doesn't support it, and the old version spoils the game and sometimes it won't even start ... Would you consider trying to make the same preset version for the latest reshade version? I'll be very grateful because your preset is the most beautiful I have ever seen?! 😘😂Don't know if you still play of work on your game but like I said if you have time to try make new one couse everyone was looking for it!!! 😉😘😘😘

hi hi! i totally understand not using the earlier versions--these later ones are soo much more user friendly!--but i’ve been able to get the preset to work with later versions (4.7.0 is the latest i’ve tried though) and it looks, if not the same, then very close to the original. I have a video here explaining how i did it if you’re really eager to have it

in the future i guess i could try to re-release the preset? i can’t give you an eta bc im lazy and i fall off the face of the earth regularly, but i do think it would help to have updated instructions right on the face of the download. 

[emerald-amidst-gold]

17, 21, and 24 for the OTP ask? 😁

Well, hello, friend! I shall answer for that is DUTY! >:D

17. What senses (sights, smells, feelings, etc). remind them of each other?

I did answer this one in another ask, but I can think of a few more to share! (I got so much for these two, don't worry~)

So, another thing that reminds Fane of Solas is any kind of painting, namely frescos. Surprise, surprise! But the reasoning is mainly because Fane used to dream of frescos painted in a temple, one he always finds himself traversing in his dreams in the earlier years of his life. The style was nostalgic, impeccable, as if the hand that had held the brush was fixated on getting every line, every detail, every color, and every proportion just right. The paintings were like little anecdotes, way points trying to guide him in a direction with paint and plaster, but the story was always left unfinished, and it isn't until all the memories flood back that Fane realizes who was the artist of his dreams. *winks*

Now, I'm not usually one for 'smell' references, but oddly enough, Solas is reminded of Fane through one. Namely, chamomile. This was something I thought of one day when I was fighting with a headache and I was just watching a Twitch stream, and I was like, "Chamomile is a natural stress reliever. Fane doesn't like tea, but there are bath oils and incenses infused with chamomile, right? He would definitely be given that by someone or maybe even takes initiative to get it himself." Thus, the headcanon was established! Fane smells like chamomile, and Solas can't help but smile when he smells it from another source, knowing that his dragon is trying to help himself in some way.

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

So, there's a little bit of A and little bit of B for this question. There has indelibly been a positive influence on both Fane and Solas due to each other. Basically, it all stems from pre-Inquisition, aka Elvhenan/Arlathan.

Fane, as a dragon, was inherently tasked with observing elvenkind, watching the flow of which they progressed and if their machinations benefited the world in which they lived. Each dragon had this inherent task, albeit in different ways. Dragons that lived in arid regions were tasked with controlling the sandscape, preserving the ancient temples by covering them with said sand, making inaccessible areas accessible for wildlife, so on, so forth.

Fane, and the others of his specific kin, not only watched the Elvhen, they guided them, but only if it was deemed necessary. White dragons could not want for anything beyond what the world needed, and their powers of absorbing, reflecting, and understanding emotions was what made them highly sought after by the Evanuris. When the Evanuris began enslaving elves, they began enslaving dragons, too. And this is around the time Solas and Fane met; when Fane was the last of his white kin. Fane had gone into recluse, hiding; he turned his back on those who were suffering because he couldn't bear to see them be subjected to magic bending and breaking their minds, turning their eyes grey where they were otherwise a multitude of colors. Solas found him through a curious venture as we all know the dear wolf is prone to curiosity.

Their beginnings were rough. Fane tried multiple, multiple times to kill Solas. He saw him as no different than those who had thus far enslaved his kin. He held anger, rage, resentment, and pride, which warped his nature of calm observation and cool acceptance to preemptive prejudice and scornful indifference. Fane stopped caring; about everything. Solas reached out to him, wanted to help him, and for the sake of keeping things somewhat short, they grew close after constant revisits and...silence. Solas allowed Fane to watch him, learn about him, read his eyes, and in turn, Fane began to open up, rediscover his original nature, and learn about another side from a more personal view. Solas taught Fane that nothing can change or return to what they had been unless he tried, and he did, even though it ended poorly. And even though it takes him twenty-four years and a lot of hardship, Fane finally remembers that important lesson and he's forever grateful, even as they walk onto the same stage that burned before.

Now, Fane has helped Solas do something we all know the dear wolf is a bit hesitant to do, and that's show his emotions. I stated once upon a time that my interpretation of Solas a little more...personal. Basically, I'm exploring a side of Solas that we don't really get to see, and that's an emotional one. My stories encompass a lot of emotion, a lot of grey morality, so I try to do that while keeping Solas in character with how we know him. However, with this AU of mine, Solas is more in touch with his emotions when with Fane. Why? Because Fane did what he was tasked with from birth; he guided. Through silent looks and seemingly disgruntled huffs, Fane allowed Solas to open up, to feel safe when every corner held a knife.

He let him be him. Not the Dread Wolf. Not the Rebel God. Not anything more than what he was naturally, and that was a being who needed to let their emotions go as freely as the magic so intertwined with their nature. They were friends, companions, even though they were two completely different species, and for all intents and purposes, enemies. They loved each other, but couldn't say it. After Fane died, Solas locked up again, kept his emotions sealed away, but when Fane reappeared in his life, both unknowing of who the other was, it all came back so easily, so fluidly. And what you'll see in a lot of my stories of Solas and Fane's early acquaintanceship in Inquisition is that they flow, they let the other be weak even though they don't want to be weak.

As for how they change each other for the worse...well, that ties into a lot of what I have planned during Post-Trespasser arcs. My stories are 'fix-its', but again, grey morality. There's a happy ending, but not without opposition first and a lot of hard lessons. Solas and Fane will do shit that makes people go, "Why?!", but aren't we already saying that with what Solas canon-wise is doing? Why not add an Inquisitor into the mix and live the fantasy we weren't allowed to choose?

24. What is something they have each had to forgive the other for?

Okay, so Fane's isn't what you'd think it is. You all know me, I like to go, 'You thought not! AHA! >:D'. Most people who've read my stories might think, "Oh, Fane has to forgive Solas for erecting the Veil because it's driving his kin insane." That makes sense, but it's not what Fane has had to forgive Solas for. Fane has had to forgive Solas for doubting him.

What I mean by this is that Solas tries to steer Fane away from helping him (Look! It's canon after all! XD). And mainly it's because Solas sees Fane thriving in this new life, connecting with people, seeing the world from a different perspective, and so he starts to think that Fane wouldn't want to help him. Which is complete bullshit because Fane, even when Solas tries to gently steer him away, is like, "I'm here. I'm not going to abandon you again." But typical Solas is typical Solas and is weighed down with grief and his doubts, but eventually he relents after a dragon fight. I won't say when this will occur, but...yeah. It's a bad time, and it shows Solas that Fane wasn't thriving as well as he'd thought. It takes a bit, but Fane comes to understand why Solas was trying to guide him away, and it helps when you're a stubborn dragon in love with a stubborn wolf! :D

Now for Solas, I have a little excerpt from a short story (the one I've been sharing a lot in tag games!). It kind of gives a basis of what Fane can sometimes do when he's not thinking or if he doesn't talk to Solas.

***

“F..Fane..!”, Solas growled out, a surge of heat invading his head as he felt his dragon’s dormant fury within his soul. It was thrashing, knocking, pounding against the confines of their link, wishing to be set free through him and his actions.

“This is..ugh..important, dammit!”, Fane grunted out as Solas was finally starting to push back, as well as his own minor discomfort with the magic that was slowly building around them.

“Then..ngh..speak of it!”, Solas snapped, feeling something like a pinch against his mind before that sensation ricoheted outwards, a lesser burst of magic managing to separate their bodies, but not their tethered souls. “Hiding in your mind only inflicts more harm!”, he almost yelled, his mind clouding with unusual rage. He was never ruffled this easily, but this wasn’t him, was it?

No, this was Fane, or more accurately, Fane’s mind. And it was red hot with fury.

He watched with slightly haggard breathing as Fane slid back a few feet, a grimace on his face from the smell of ozone, but shook it off easily. Now fully golden eyes glared with steamy ferocity upon him, a broad chest heaving with Veil born ire and excitement at finally having a challenge. Solas straightened himself a bit, clearing his throat as the distance between their bodies allowed him to think a bit more clearly, but he could still feel the thread that connected them intensely.

“Ma’isenatha, please--”, Solas attempted to reach the unhinged being before him, even as he could feel his own mind beginning to cloud again as Fane stalked towards him. They needed to cease this dance before one of them got hurt or insanely ill!

“Quit…”, the fuming dragon began before whipping the staff in his hand around in a near perfect arc towards him. “..talking!”, he snarled furiously, deftly hitting the other end of the staff with his wrist to cut off its intended path for a shorter route.

Solas was a bit curious by the adept usage, but shuffled that thought away quickly to block the blow that was inevitably aimed for his jaw. Now wasn’t the time to ruminate! As much as he loathed to admit it, and encourage it, there was only one way out of this foolish scenario!

“Enough!”, a cry harboring necessary command releasing from his lips, making the link between them snap like a bowstring. “Ngh..!” The heady, harsh sensation had the air leaving his lungs before he swept one end of his staff upwards without volition, missing his mark by a hair. He blinked when the sensation eased off, grimacing as he stared at the staff poised just next to Fane’s face, precisely at the point where his scar was. How ironic, but he knew what was happening now with that.

The involuntary reaction had been too planned, too memory bound. It was like when they had viciously fought as Haven burned with fire and corruption, and he had had no choice but to wound the otherwise perfect face before him - a deep scar left on his left cheek from his staff blade. His arms had been wrapped, then strung up in invisible bonds that radiated desperate heat and furious rage, guiding them to repeat the action due to a desire for something unsaid.

In simple terms, he was being controlled by emotions alone - emotions that were not his own.

“Interesting.”, Solas said, but narrowed his eyes upon the fierce man. “Emotions are your strings.”, he pointed out, more realization dawning on him as to where all these minor outbursts, sudden movements, and disorienting sensations were coming from. Fane..

...was manipulating emotions, guiding them to the destination he desired.

Fane’s eyes narrowed, emerald reappearing to deepen with rage as tufts of his hair fluttered from the air behind his swipe. “I’m intervening.”, the draconic side of his love coming out in full bloom now.

“Why?” He issued it as more a command than a true question. He was mildly miffed by this usage of abilities, but he needed context to decipher why Fane had thought this was necessary. It was unusual and worrying for him to use them like this.

“It’s necessary.”, Fane said with a flat tone, but there was fire crackling beneath its supposed embers, as well as the deep emerald gaze bearing down upon him before he twisted his staff upwards to once again aim under his chin. Solas dodged the movement by an inch, feeling the amount of force behind it with air alone.

His dragon was steadily losing his control, and it wouldn’t be long until he was truly unhinged.

“Fane!”, Solas met the glare with one that felt just as furious as he called out, but finally began to retaliate, no longer wishing to play on the defensive and draw this out longer. “Very well..”, he said lowly, gripping the staff tightly as he pressed in harder, matching Fane’s footwork step for step as their blows connected with near splintering cracks. “...if you are so..”, a harsh crack of their staves reverberating through the air. “...intent on not speaking of what troubles you, then I will make it so you have no choice but to!”

A long, muscled leg nearly knocked into one of his knees as it swept under him, its pace incredibly fast for something intended to withstand punishment. It was like a dragon’s tail as it swept aside massive boulders, and uprooted century old trees.

Fane let out a gasping laugh. “You’re still..ngh..t..talking?!”, he roared, snowy brows furrowed in growing pain as sweat began to form along a lightly flushed temple, hand trembling where it nearly snapped his staff in half.

“I am doing what you refuse to do!” A jab with his staff nearly connected with a muscled arm, but it went through the gap between itself and the toned body it was attached to. “Gh..!”, he winced as he felt a sharp yank on his mind, as well as the staff in his hands as Fane grabbed a hold of it to pull him forward harshly.

The world halted suddenly, its furious, heated pace slightly cooled as their gazes connected, all sound flushing out to where the only sound was their combined, harsh breathing. Emerald and gold swam, ebbed around each other like a phylactery did with its magical blood as the face that bore them was lax in stunned silence, sweat trickling down flush cheeks before it would disappear along a strong neck. Solas felt his face was no better, feeling how droplets of sweat rolled down the sides of his face and how his mouth was slightly agape as he fought for a shred of breath.

What was...going on? This feeling, like their desires were coalescing, taking shape before them like spirits shaped the Fade around them...it was intoxicating, comforting, and serene amid the furious battle they had been engaged in moments before. Their link was still there, but it was soft, velvet against his mind as the gentle essence wrapped around it in an embrace.

It was no longer painted...red.

“Hnn..”, Solas let out a quiet sigh, breath hitching after as the blanket around him became warmer, silken. When had it shifted? He hadn’t been aware because of rage painting the world before him in crimson..

“Too...much..”, he heard Fane whisper out between pants, but it was more to himself than to Solas. “...You shouldn’t feel that like I do.. Shit..”

Solas blinked a bit to reorient himself, the softness of his mind making it hard to think before he saw Fane’s face near inches from his, the hand that had grabbed his staff now making itself known upon the back of his neck, steadying him. When had that gotten there?

“What..”, Solas started, closing his eyes for a moment as the world spun for a second before reopening to try again. “What..was that?”

“My mind.”, Fane muttered, eyes flitting across his face worriedly. “I didn’t think..”, he trailed off with a light growl as brilliant eyes turned downcast. “I fucked up… I’m sorry...”

***

So, yeah. It doesn't take Solas long to forgive Fane, but when he first demonstrates just how dangerous his abilities can be and actively uses them to manipulate our wolf gets a little miffed. Solas wants Fane to use his voice more, and these are moments in which Fane doesn't and taps into that warped perception of himself; the one that got him killed.

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

A day late, but ah well...

As usual, we’ll go ahead and do an Open Question Night. Which basically means that, while my ask box is always open, tonight I’ll be keeping an eye on it and answering things as they come in. Any fandom or work I’ve talked about here (or posted on AO3) is fair game, as are general questions about writing, etc. I do accept prompts, but I am. Not very good at filling them in a timely manner unless they Immediately spark something, lol.

So, yeah, what’s on your mind?

Also, since I don’t think I have for a couple months, plug for my Discord server! It’s pretty quiet, mostly intended to be a slightly more interactive extension of this space, but you’re welcome to check it out!

Anyway, the usual Coming Attractions details are behind the cut!

PodTogether 2021:

I participated in this challenge for the first time this year, and it was a whole lot of fun! Of Other Suns is a SW/AtLA crossover, and I think it turned out pretty well! My reader/podficcer and I worked pretty closely together during the initial brainstorming process, working out what we wanted to do, and also bounced off one another during the whole editing/finalizing process. There’s a lot that I didn’t end up putting into the fic (because time and length; I am a. Uh. Very wordy writer; the aim was for 6-12k words, we ended up with nearly 15k as it is...), so I might poke more at this specific AU, or crossovers linking up at a different time (either a different point in the SW canon, or in the AtLA canon, or both). I...definitely have extensive headcanons for SW characters as benders of various elements (or nonbenders), and there are at least two Force-sensitive AtLA characters who were outside the scope of the crossover.

Anyway, if you want to check it out...click this link XD (and definitely listen to the podfic too!!! It’s really great)

Precipice:

So, between the final push on PodTogether and some origfic stuff I got done, I...did not get anything finished and posted for this, alas. But! I am saying it here in the hopes that doing so publicly will for once get me to actually stick to a deadline, which is that I will get either the first Protectors chapter or the next Preludes one-shot (or both!) up by this Sunday, September 12. The Protectors chapter will be mostly scene-setting, establishing where various characters are when we open, six years after we last saw our heroes. The Preludes segment will involved Hondo contacting Obi-Wan (and Anakin, who’s with him when he gets the call) about something Relevant To Their Interests.

I will for sure get that Prelude out this month, and hopefully at least two Protectors chapters, but we’ll see how things go at work and how much brain that takes, which is always a factor...anyway, with any luck, I’ll start establishing a Rhythm. I don’t think I’ll be doing weekly updates, the way I did for the first few arcs of Precipice (in part because there are some other longform projects I intend to start putting out and if I am going to do Weekly Fic Posts, I’ll probably alternate), but we’ll see how things go.

AtLA Fic:

Again, I didn’t finish what I wanted to (other than the aforementioned crossover for PodTogether), but I have been working on stuff in the background and, while I’m not going to commit to a Specific Deadline like I am for Precipice, I do plan to post at least the opening chapter of the still-untitled Avatar Zuko AU I’ve been working on this month, so watch this space!

Other Fic Projects:

I’m poking around at what to do for next years SWBB (if only because my wordcounts have been Steadily Increasing and I’d like to get a head start in anticipation of that happening again this year, lol). Still considering exactly what to do, whether I pour all my focus into OFLAM, like I consider every year, or see if I can work up Bail Unfucks the Timeline or another half-plotted AU I have in the back of my head, or go with a different prompt/storyline that occurs to me at some point between now and then, but I’m starting to Actively Ponder things.

I do have that BSG1 crossover outline in the works, I swear XD I’ve got...uh...maybe half to two thirds of the first third of the overall storyline written up? XD It’s a. Uh. Long one. I might go ahead and release it in three parts, just for length/convenience, and because it does more or less have three distinct sections (the initial contact/New Caprica fallout and establishment of the Haven settlement which makes sense in context; the second contact/algae planet; and then an adventure on a resurrection ship to retrieve a Specific Boxed Five and possibly walk away with Ellen because that would just ruin Cavil’s day and I do so love to ruin Cavil’s day, lol). ...I’m going to go ahead and post a preview snippet at the bottom of this post, as Motivation XD

I think that’s all the fanfic stuff I have specific updates for. There’s generally always stuff noodling around in my brain (lately, for Star Wars, AtLA, BSG, or some combination of the three), it’s just how much of it materializes, lol.

At some point, I plan to revisit some BSG epics I had going on (Serenissima; rewriting For Sorrow Sung or doing a slightly different storlyine with the same concept; The Other Battlestar; a few others), but no concrete plans as of yet.

I also kind of want to explore a far-past AtLA setting I designed for a challenge community way back? But I’m not sure if that would work better as an original work with the serial numbers filed off, if I could figure out how I wanted to do that (I have done it before, as I’ll talk about below, but this concept, while not directly involving any characters from Avatar canon as it’s set 2000 years prior to Sozin’s reign, does to an extent lean on the Avatar specifically as a concept, in a way that the other fic I did this with did not).

Original Fic:

Due to a challenge on rainbowfic, I actually got. Quite a bit written? Most of it was not super plot-relevant, but I dropped some Hints about a character in Lux and I got to play in some heads I don’t very often. I might go back to the Regency AU at some point, and there’s a specific reveal I want to write up for a secondary character in The Farglass Cycle, but I haven’t quite figured out how to structure that one, so we’ll see how it goes.

Had an interesting discussion the other day about the way original fiction sometimes starts as fanfic with the serial  numbers filed off and...well, a lot of my original stuff starts that way? Or has some roots there, anyway.

Lux doesn’t quite as much, but I definitely ported in at least two characters who started as fanfic characters (leaving aside that this is, y’know, The Apocalypse IN SPACE so, like. Various fandoms that deal with that probably influenced things, plus several key players are Public Domain Characters sooooo), plus some of the way the world is constructed draws on the Native Tongue trilogy and I flat-out stole a concept from Queen of the Damned, though the way it works in this world is different (also, to be fair, I think I’ve seen it in other places, too; but I personally got the idea from there).

The Farglass Cycle and Untitled Intrigues Story, however, straight-up started as fanfic concepts. And I don’t think it’s obvious unless I point out what the source materials were? Farglass, in particular (it’s the AtLA fic I mentioned earlier), because it started as an alternate future and then the map and magic system got reworked, plus the Avatar themself wasn’t even super involved in the original fic context, and while certain characters are very loosely based on AtLA characters, by now they’ve been so altered by the setting that it’s...I used the same archetypes, if that makes sense?

And then Untitled Intrigues Story started as a fusion between two wildly different fandoms, and while one character is a pretty clear expy if you know where he comes from, and another character kept the same actress in my head, I don’t think it’s very clear other than that.

...anyway, not sure where I’m going with that, other than it’s been in my head lately, lol.

...I think that about covers it! What about you guys? What are you all working on? Slash any questions, etc.?

Teaser for BSG1 AU outline, as promised:

So, anyway, SG-1 is prepared for rain and mud and a survivable-but-kinda-unpleasant environment. They’re also prepared for the usual shenanigans--Goa’uld, cranky local politics, weird alien tech that Daniel really should know better than to touch but sends him into another dimension anyway...

Just. Y’know. A normal mission.

They’re...not quite prepared for what they actually find when they step through.

Which is a very tense and now slightly Confused crowd of people, and a firing squad made up of very large killer robots, with a teenage girl as their target.

(One of the large killer robots is. Uh. Well. Half a large killer robot now; that particular Centurion was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got kawooshed in the face. As one does.)

(Said Centurion absolutely wins the ‘Weirdest Death’ pool for the week in Download City, because that is clearly a thing that exists because it entertains me)

There’s a beat where everyone just stares at everyone else, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

The wormhole disengages.

Daniel takes half a step forward, opens his mouth to start the ‘we are peaceful explorers from Earth and y’all seem to be having a Moment here, sorry for interrupting, but, uh...’

And then the moment end and absolute chaos erupts.

[wisteria-lodge]

a thank you from an unburning lion secondary, with faulty bird model

I’m the lion primary who was doubting itself and who talked their way in your anon box to understanding themselves. You were pretty comprehensive and it was nice to really notice we share primaries xD One thing shocked me and left me O_O was at the end, when I left that commentary about bullies (my school knew me both for my excellent notes and my fights both bcs i couldnt left a situation alone) and you said, wow and a lion secondary.

i was shocked. Like I say this and I remember my earlier years and the problems I’ve always have talking with people and it’s my bluntness and lack of attention to others feelings which had always have my mother scolding me after going out with her or talking with friends or telling her about any interaction. Same with my father. And then I stopped. I started reading, I fell for fanfiction and manga, and lost my childhood friends bcs I coudn’t relate to them, and during all of HS until my second year of university I was so so alone. 

And I didn’t speak out about my feels. I still don’t. Not to my family not to anybody. I felt so guilty, because once upon a time I did whatever I felt and then I learnt that being so intelligent, and open about my feelings and my life was unsensible to people, and then I learnt (justly so I think) that I shoudn’t act without thinking about others. 

But I feel somewhere in the way, I started feeling guilty of being myself. I learnt I’m too much for people. Now I over-analyze every interaction I have; have i overshared anything? Did i let the other talk and express themselves? I do it before taking charge in a group assignment or outing bcs I internalised that they don’t want it, that I’m being annoying reminding them of the tasks or the things we should be doing. 

You need to sweet-talk people, and I’m bad at it and although sometimes it can be funny most often is just plain tiring. And I’m the first surprised when someone is direct about anything. I like so much, so much learning about things, I feel deep inside the correct way of approaching problems should be to consider them from every angle, analyze the facts and the feelings they provoke and then come up with a good solution; I write and I want to investigate everything before starting any story but I’m completely unable to do so. Same with my studies, same with people. 

And then I wing it and it results so much better and it’s frustrating. People say: you’re so good at this, you must study/dedicate so much time to it. And I just do enough to get an intuitive understanding of the concept and then improvise, and I feel like a fake. 

When I have time and I’m methodical, it’s satisfying (better for memorising and studying languages too) but the truth is that I function better when I hit the ground running. I think this society doesn’t like lion secondaries very much unless you’re a shit man. Then is suddenly comprehensible if not appreciated. So I picked a faulty model bird because it’s useful, right? And i like it from time to time.

But I feel like the idea people have of me, about how I act is all bird and it’s stiffling but I let myself go and don’t act in my feels or my thougths because there no reason at all to be myself and I watch myself writing this and wow. Suddenly my mother is telling me why am i not as outgoing as when i was young or my new friends are surprised because my personality changes. Like an onion: outwardly I don’t care about anything, then you discover I’m very intense about lots of things but very nonchalantly (I left clues and you have to pick them, bcs I’m not verbalising you know?), then you never know what I feel about those things except for whatever observation you’ve made. You just know the loudness. My mother tells me I never talk to her about myself, but still she knows how to pick what I feel about people and situations bcs I’m that obvious I guess.

But she was who taught me to think twice bcs nobody wants to feel stupid or wronged (neither do I, I understand). My father never liked who I was; why wasnt I more social, more normal, why did I have to be so strange so openly. (It’s mostly I’m half-sure I fall somewhere in the lower gifted range + maybe some neurodivergence, but in my country they don’t adapt nor care for above average students and a test sounds ridiculous and attention seeking and too expensive when I do fine right now.) 

Can’t deny the lion, but I never talk. Except on internet anonymously. Bcs contradictions are funny and you’re really kind. Again, about the start of this megapost. It was so surprising when you saw directly through that ask to the secondary, that I teared up. Yes, yes, that’s who I am why hasn’t anybody told me it’s ok to be sincere and direct? Why?

I was toying with bird and snake but those are covers. Trying to perform snake when I’m uncomfortable or I haven’t got familiarity with the people and bcs it’s improvising it’s easier, and model bird when I can with all knowledge I don’t even notice I have aquired reading what amounts to tons of wish-fulfilling fantasies. Like. It’s posible to burn a secondary? Bcs I think that’s what’s happened to me. And I’m trying little by little to recover that trust in my actions because I know I’m better that way, that I feel good being direct about things but I’m so afraid of others… Perseverance though!!! 

This sorting system has helped me see that, more than astrology. Mostly, these last years i had a wrong feeling about myself. I think this helped articulate why. This so maudlin omg xD But you received well my semi-creepy murderous self-isolating primary post so. Sorry again, and thank you.

PS: love to anybody who has ever felt like me. Also, mom is def a badger primary, now that i think about it. She really, really likes working with people, meeting with friends, helping them etc. ended up teaching yoga. She is super direct too, so maybe we share the secondary... which is rich, but also why I think she is also strict that sense. Thinking she doesn't want to see me suffering like her + why i frustrate her when i retreat into myself too. good old projection. THE END XD

My dear Lion ~ 

You sound like me. And yes, you will be “too much” for some people. But I promise you. There will be others who love you for exactly that intensity. Putting masses of planning and up-front effort into something doesn’t make the end result any better. I’m a badger secondary, that was a tough realization to have. And it’s okay to be afraid. But you seem on top of this. You’re going to be okay. 

(also, your English is fantastic. Really, really nice use of the word “maudlin.”) 

Good hunting ~ WL