#unless her humanity is off
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i think more people should let caroline bite them. js.
#she wants to bite but she's big on permission with that lmao#unless her humanity is off#𝐢𝐢𝐢. ⠀𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 ⠀ 、 mun speaks ⠀!
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There's a LOT of things people do wrong when constructing fantasy beliefs in pantheons of gods, but one of the more specific is having only one god related to fertility and it kind of being just a horny sex thing.
Like you'll have one in the entire bunch whose sphere is listed as fertility and it's basically like Yeah this is the sex one. She's always depicted naked (but not TOO naked because censorship and/or the writer's own skittishness). She's going to have the exact body type epitomized in contemporary western beauty standards and there's usually no chance in hell that she's gonna be fat (unless MAYBE they're referencing 'venus' figurines). Her thing is fertility, which means having sex and making babies. Might be a goddess of beauty or love or marriage too, because these are kinda sex things, but that's probably it. And yeah that sort of thing is virtually nonexistent in real life.
Like the concept of fertility is so fundamentally important to the function of most societies in human history in ways that it is just Not in industrialized imperial core countries. Most people are getting food from stores, and not having to worry about harvesting crops or breeding livestock or foraging for food or having enough animals to hunt, so fertility only really comes up as a concern if you're trying to have kids (and there is certainly societal pressure to have children, but your wellbeing and survival is rarely going to Depend on it). And I think writing only from that perspective and not even trying to learn about WHY fertility is so conceptually important is why you see this trend.
There's no absolute universal statement about how people believe in gods but it's broadly accurate that systems with many deities will Usually have more than one deity associated with fertility, and these associations will certainly include human reproduction but also the fertility of livestock/hunted animals, plants, the land itself.
Some fertility deities may also be heavily associated with seasonal changes or environmental factors that agriculture or foraging is dependent on (spring/summer/fall, seasonal rains, seasonal flooding, rain itself, sunlight, good soil, rivers, wetlands, etc). Some certainly might be related to love, marriage, sex, and beauty, but that's VERY RARELY going to be the sole way the concept of fertility is embodied. And they'll often will have other associations not directly about fertility, or related to fertility in culturally specific ways.
#I think a lot of the time people are using Aphrodite as their sole reference for the concept of Fertility Deity (and even then#not really grasping the nuances of her depiction/worship or place in the broader ancient Greek religious worldview)#Or understanding that she isn't the Only fertility related deity (like jsut off the top of my head there's fertility associations with#Hera + Artemis + Pan + Dionysus + Demeter + Persephone + Priapus and I'm pretty sure I'm missing several here)#Just in general pantheons where there is only one god associated with any given concept are very rare (unless the concept is very specific)#Like a pantheon with dozens of gods will probably have more than one solar deity but might have only one that presides specifically#over a certain crop or something#Also in a wide reaching/long-spanning religion associations might change with time or as a result of religious syncretism#Or gods may be worshipped under specific and/or localized epithets which describe the god specifically as it presides over this#location or the god as it relates to specific parts of its nature.#It might be a little different if you're writing in a context where the gods are a confirmable part of material reality but even then like#unless your gods are extremely active in managing how they're worshipped culture is going to shape their perception.#Also as a side note if you are completely within your power to depict what you want you should probably be okay with depicting#nudity. Like there's always cultural variations in what/how much/under which circumstances nudity is acceptable (and many cases#where personal nudity is not okay but depictions in art are). But the outright refusal to show a Bare Tit or Flaccid Penis even in art is#virtually nonexistent throughout the vast majority and wide span of human history and like realistically speaking there's going to be#Erect Phallus too. Phallic imagery isn't quite Ubiquitous but VERY common across human history like.. You gotta get over it
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After a few hunger strikes and health worries, baby girl has finally started eating regularly and putting on weight. She was a very good girl and held still today while I weighed her- normally she's a wiggle worm who is unusually talented at hitting the tare (reset scale) button.
Whenever Scoria is out her sister Sakura watches us very carefully. At first, she didn't trust me and acted like she had some bad experiences with humans before I got her. At that time Scoria was the only being in existence she felt safe with and could flee to when she was frightened, so it's no wonder Sakura worried over her when I had her out, and thoroughly checked her over when I put her back in her enclosure.
Her look isn't one of fear and worry anymore though. Now she has one of curiosity. Of learning. When she sees me hold Scoria, she wants to try it too. When she watched me gently cup my hand around her sister, she wanted to try hiding in a "hand cave" too. And after seeing Scoria and I cuddle, she bravely came out the next morning, curled up and snuggled me for a few minutes.
It's quite the experience living with these two sweet girls who care so very much about each other, and seeing how they think and even change their thoughts and actions over time. It's also really neat to see how they both learn from watching, and trust each other's judgement.
Honestly I think people don't give snakes enough credit as far as intelligence and empathy/care are concerned. There's still so much about them we don't know, and I'm amazed by the things they show me.
#pets#snakes#hognoses#sisters#cute#I think a lot about what humans “know” about keeping this species is wrong#unless my girls are an anomaly#but I don't think so#I think hoggies are just this way#and some can benefit from friends#just like rattle snakes!#Sakura's life has drastically improved since Scoria became a part of it#and she knows it#she cares more about the well being of her sister than anything else#when Scoria isn't around Sakura is a much more timid fearful snake#but if her sister is near and relaxed#Sakura is calm and relaxed too#and super sweet and friendly#she's trying to learn to be brave#and Scoria knows too#Scoria will help me and let me pick them both up#So her sister feels safe#when I set Scoria down in the enclosure to focus on a wiggly Sakura#Scoria almost went off to play but changed her mind to watch us a few minutes to make sure we were alright together#before doing her own things#they aren't just mindless things roaming around aimlessly#they have thoughts emotions and feelings#and an understanding that their friends have thoughts and feelings too#the level of understanding I see amazes me#sometimes I think humans write animals like snakes off because they can't communicate this in plain English
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think I've figured out what bugs me so much about Natasha Pulley's work - every female character who could potentially interfere with the ~gay couple~ is portrayed in a negative light
#there's something else about it that bugs me too. like. something about her depiction of history...#i started the kingdoms and im trying to puzzle out why it's not really working for me#also i swear this author KEEPS GIVING HER GAY CHARACTERS WIVES for NO REASON#she literally just wants to portray the wives as bitches#but like. WHY ADD THEM?? WHY MAKE ALICE JOE'S WIFE???#she did that and then immediately went 'well alice is a rapist and a bad mother then!!' like girl. you could have just made them like#co-inhabitants of this house. and not married. and Lily could be related to Joe in some other way if you NEED a kid...#idk. im still bitter about pepperharrow lol where the eofe finally started being treated like a human and not a fucking chess piece#and then killed herself for her husband basically. SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE. THERE WERE A TON OF SOLUTIONS!!#but no. we can't have sweet baby Mori having a wife after he ran away to England to live with his gay lover nooooooo#WHY EVEN MAKE HIM MARRIED JUST SO YOU CAN KILL HIS WIFE OFF. SHE COULD'VE BEEN HIS HOUSEKEEPER OR SMTH#this has gotten away from me. I just don't like it tho.#if there were any female characters that were portrayed positively though and not treated like a Threat to the Gay I'd feel better#but there aren't so far#unless you count the absentee Madeline#the only female character treated well so far is Joe's daughter Lily and she's two
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sorry okay im rewatching whole cake w a friend and got obsessed with the vinsmokes this time around okay. sorry. however i am a liker of themes and motifs and doomed characters. sorrey.
#i just looovvee the ways the different families this arc are portrayed. big moms as an empire to be expanded.#beges as a loyal bond and structured organization#and ofcourse the vinsmokes as an army bound only by blood and not by love. and a commodity to be used/force to be strengthened#like sure they're all related but like. they do not act like a family even in the slightest. they don't even seem to really like each other#LOL just even w the charlottes you get the feeling they care about each other to an extent (ie katakuri and brulee or chiffon and lola)#but we rarely see any of the vinsmokes hold a conversation with each other let alone act like siblings.#(unless you count them like. abusing sanji as sibling bonding)#which i why i OBSESSSS over when reiju gets hurt you see one of them call out in concern.#n the (admittedly anime only) scene of yonji like helping a little. bear guy get a fruit off a tree. that shit cute as hell.#you get these like. moments of humanity with them that seep through the cracks of the carefully-constructed image of the Evil Germa Army yk#the way all the siblings turned out and the ways they compliment and contrast each other makes me think ab what could have been you know.#iirc reiju wound up how she is because her mother encourgaged her emptions and instilled a sense of humanity in her. proving they are all#capable of having that sense of morality the others just...didnt get it 1) bc sora died when they were so young and#2) bc judge had a VICE GRIP on them.#so they were doomed from the start.#their father wanted a perfect unfeeling obedient army of soldiers and he was going to get it by any means necessary#even if said soldiers are supposed to be his children#i do think the vinsmokes are deeply unforgivable but i also recognize tht like...they were victims of circumstance.#smthn smthn nature vs nurture#in another life i think they would have kicked ass together#idk im fuuucked upp off the green tea rn yk how it goes.....#.txt#idk how to be coherent abt them they just make me feel like pacing around my room with my head in my hands#its been said better by ppl with better grasps on character analysis than me but. abuse victims who suck. and are also assholes.#you mean everything to meeee
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Haven't been able to watch too much naruto recently. Been watching Maybe an episode a day ish. I just finished ep 419 tho and WHAT an episode to have ahead of me for grand number 420. Can't watch it rn tho bc I need to sleep and also I'm too tired to give it the full attention that I want to. Bc when I watch it, I will be embracing !!!!THE!!!! legendary Guy vs Madara fight in its FULL FORM!!!!!!
So exciting. God they're laying some major death flags lol, between the flashbacks stuff and the gate of death and well the saying he's gonna die 😂😂😂 I know he does survive it tho. But I'm also embracing this part with the Possibility of him dying. Bc that's what the others are reacting to too. And I wanna experience the full depth of emotion....
Excited for watching this next episode!!! It just cannot be right now.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#some wild shit going on in general. naruto is still not up yet. he's been 'dying' for like almost 30 episodes now.#granted 20 of them were filler lol but still!!!#actually can i just say. genuinely fucking WILD what all Sakura's doing to try to keep him alive.#mouth to mouth is fairly normal (though the me that started reading fanfic in the first place for naruto/sakura went !!!!! at that)#but. the. literally cutting open the side of his chest so she can Reach Inside and pump his heart with her OWN HAND???#just IN HIS CHEST??? HER HAND??? AROUND HIS HEART????? and they DONT end up together?!?!?!?#like i mean obviously naruto & sasuke have a thing but like with kishimoto doing final heterosexual pairings#it's just wild to me that Naruto ends up with Hinata who he has BARELY any development with#instead of Sakura who is like. his bestie also she put her LITERAL HAND IN HIS CHEST TO PUMP HIS BLOOD WITH HER BARE HAND#im genuinely still kinda losing my mind at that. naruto show off the shits!!!!!!#also kind of funny tho. if i remember right she just cuts into. the side? of his chest? like. the ribcage area???#in which case to reach inside to his Heart she'd have to like. cut his ribs. entirely. and then dislodge them to reach inside.#which like theyve got weird ninja magic they can heal shit also naruto's an extra special case anyways.#but still. i have to wonder whether any of them have like. actual human anatomy hdkshfksh#considering how non fatal being stabbed in the chest is in this show. UNLESS it's for plot development. 🙄🙄🙄#but yeah if 12 year old me saw sakura literally grabbing naruto's heart in his chest to pump his blood. i wouldve lost my God Damn Mind.#im still kinda losing my mind. it's so fucking *intimate* it's like. Bonkers.#and naruto is ENTIRELY unaware!!!!! and i very much doubt she'll fill him in. alas.#anywyas i need to go to bed but. yes 👍 naruto 👍
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YOUR WRITING IS SO PRETTY I COULD EAT IT. YOU CHARACTERIZE THE CHARACTERS SO WELL TOO!!!
thank you so much!! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ happy you think my writing is very pretty!! and also makes me happy you think my characterization was correct.
when writing for characters always take a bit of extra time to ensure they sound good? thinking about having an actual conversation with them for a minute and what they’d do! ♧ personally a big fan of viginettes since that reveals a lot of a character more than mainstory.
Σ('◉⌓◉’) mini (huge) rant within the tags of the way of my process to understand a character!!
#i’ve been trying to work on characterization with trey for example because in the main story he is relatively nice#but within his viginettes he’s a bit more than that like a slightly smug teaser than boy next door.#the characters tend to have complexity rather than one dimension traits people tend to stick by#which isn’t a bad thing but to start writing it could help kick you off but majority of the time your characters do have many emotions to#aspirations- such as vil being mean BUT that coming with subtle charm of care- he does not derive pleasure from purposefully degrading other#he firmly believes he can see the beauty in everyone if they try and he attempts to get others to apply themselves so they can be pretty#he does not go around like ew you’re ugly go away unless you have a negative attitude like leona who purposefully does not put any effort#but sometimes his pursuit for beauty can go out of hand like with epel or neige but his dorm ssr perfectly illustrates he knows what he does#he does not always explain himself with having epel do heavy lifting which only helps epel improve but he would not tell him this directly#there are other characters i can rant about the way i write. such as sebek being a malleus fanboy#but that was not a central part of his personality to warrant every fic just mentioning malleus each sentence#the best way to learn how to write for him would be looking at his viginette or his event story without tsunotarou!! he is quite a wonderful#-ly designed character but gets overlooked due to his ‘louder’ part of his personality. but he genuinely has captivated me as a character#the best examples for eng players would be during harveston- when he was extremely passionate about what he did with a soft side for his#plush!! he’s a big softie. he’s just very confused because his grandfather openly hates humans. he acknowledges marja and complimented her#he’s not hating humans for no reason but because it was taught to him. he’s trying his best to be what he is but you can tell he is not too#prideful that he would refuse to acknowledge marja just for being a human. in fact in his viginette he HELPS humans with their lumber#though that is technically due to him being confident he can do so compared to a human thanks to being a guard for Malleus but he is quite#happy to be complimented!!-. he is a character with more depth: ceremony viginette next#he tells yuu to just let him handle things since he’s stronger which shows he’s also blunt and says things without thinking about others at#times. but people are MISSING out on fics with sebek yuu and tea bonding over tsunotarou because he has no hostility to those who like#tsunotarou. he is happy to teach!! his other viginette think pe??: lilia tricks him into eating steak with yogurt iirc and he does honestly#it’s disgusting but he trusts lilia and 100% believe the old fae. THE POTENTIAL. authors need to use that?? just lilia messing with him or#how he can sometimes be so gullible you can get him to trust you mixed together with how attached he was to squirrel plush#he’s actually such a cute character.#there’s also Kalim who KNOWS there are bad people. he is not innocent as he knows there are bad people that want him gone#his least favorite food is curry because Jamil got sick for a week after taste testing his food.#Kalim just chooses. he wants to believe the kindness of the world not due to purity but due to the fact he does not want to live in constant#fear. which in itself already makes him more than one dimension. he may seem carefree but there’s room to play with when describing him??…#questions of styx.
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happy happy feels
#ransom#is good and healthy and we all love her and the vet love her and only thing wrong with her at present is the ringworm which will be cleared#up by shampoo which ill get on sunday (unless i go tomorrow to [town] to get it)#im just. it's a weight off my mind ig and im so happy she's so healthy#she wasn't healthy when i got her she was scrawny but she's filling out well#when she goes back for the next vaccination he'll do more detailed tests to check her diet and weight and whatnot#and for weight and diet and whatnot he was using human weight and stuff as an example and i was minorly worrie dit would Bother me#but no! the way he expressed it and explained it even tho he was drawing comparisons between different people including me was. actually#very comforting and not a problem and just. all round good.#i may have cried on the way home lol#good cry tho
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All that yes-yesing has me thinking
Cassie’s verbal habits resembling a Skaven is certainly. Interesting.
Alex is a nerdy British kid who grew up at the right time to have this in his pop-cultural awareness, he’s gonna sit up awake one night and be like “hold on why does my wonderful alien girlfriend whom I love very much talk like Grey Seer Fucking Thanquol-“
#it’s the hyperactive behaviour from a not-quite-human talking in a second language#the laundry files#warhammer fantasy#thanquol#the alfar are far more photogenic than the skaven but equally as unhinged#though Cassie is far more sane than thanquol unless she flies totally off the handle in her next appearance#whenever that is. Hope she doesn’t at least not too badly her and Alex deserve a break
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.
#just did my annual checkup on what my ex-friend cal (a horrible human being) is doing now because i remain convinced that he’s going to#murder someone one day and i’m going to have to call round all our old high school friends and be like ‘see i told you so’#and tell me why he has a really beautiful girlfriend. like. WHAT#when i tell you this man is unwashed and unkempt and has serial killer eyes. he’s HORRENDOUS#even if he didn’t look like a walking mugshot the things that come out of his mouth are repellent#what the hell has he been doing. what is GOING ON#unless he’s had some sort of glow up both in appearance and personality that i cannot see because he never posts; i can only come up with#two explanations#1) he’s paying her bills (extremely possible. he’ll do literally anything for a crumb of pussy but also he is really good at math and IT#and i think he has a pretty decent tech support job now)#or 2) she is clinically insane. or thinks she can fix him. which amounts to the same thing#honestly the amount of girls i have seen who thought he was a great guy is too damn high considering what a scumbag he is#he changes his interests and personality in order to get with a girl and will do literally anything for her and then the emotional abuse#starts. i have seen it over and over. i’m pretty sure i was the prototype for his MO!!!#anyway the temptation to message her asking why she’s doing charity work and then turn off my phone is too damn high lmao#this man literally looks like a mouldy foot; meanwhile her profile photo is a selfie she took with a hot male celebrity#who i didn’t recognise at first and was like ‘oh maybe that’s her ex boyfriend’ because IT MADE SENSE. i could see that happening!!#she’s that hot. WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING WITH CAL#thanks for listening to my spiral if you did#personal
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My fics with the most hits are mostly things I banged out feverishly in a couple of sleepless nights, barely proofread, and shoved onto ao3 before I could change my mind.
The intentionally-unrealistic and unhealthy but pornographic dubcon-with-a-happy-ending fic I wrote got me a lovely anon by someone who said it made them feel less alone--because parts of it were in fact similar to things that had happened to them.
The glaring inconsistency I realized was in my longer series of fics, nobody notices unless I point it out. (I mean, I didn't notice it while writing it, so I suppose it's not that big of a surprise that some readers don't notice it??)
(THAT SAID some of my fave fics of mine are still ones where I agonized over every word choice.)
If posting fic online has taught me anything, it’s that I have no idea how the reader will react to anything. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not the faintest clue.
Fics that I think I scribbled off just to get them out there get the kindest, most rapturous feedback. Fics I slaved over, agonized over, bled my soul into get a couple tepid replies. Fics I thought were me revealing the darkness and weird kink that lives in my brain, scared to even post it for fear of judgement, get, “Aaaw that’s so sweet!” replies. Baffling.
My conclusion? You just never know. You really just can’t know. When I did a workshop with 20 other writers I would try to guess what their critique of my story would be and I was right maybe 1 in 20 times. Only one other writer would have the same critique for my story that I had. And it wasn’t even always the same person.
The encouraging part about this is, if self recrimination, the fear that you know what people won’t like about your story, is holding you back, just say fuck it! You’re almost certainly wrong! All you can do is make it the best story you can for the energy you have. And yeah, sometimes that means scribbling it out in an evening and kicking it out to the void of the internet before you can change your mind or worry about editing it more than once because then you’ll never post it.
It’s all chaos, man. You don’t get to decide what the audience thinks. All you can do is create it and put it out there for them to decide.
#april writes#for those of you who've read my k/da fics:#(and more specifically the 'akali fucks her bandmates' series)#the inconsistency is in their non-human abilities#I mention eve's lashers in teh first fic and never again#I never once bring up kaisa's shoulder things that I can remember#ahri's tail(s) and charm stayed in bc they were plot relevant!#but yeah I accidentally ended up copying the actual league canon for k/da#in that:#are they human or not? NOBODY KNOWS LOL#re: agonizing over word choice: that one is lashers#I'm *still* proud of that one#which is almsot unfortunate bc it's one that makes zero sense unless you know some of the characters' lore!!!#i can't send it to ppl outside of fandom to show off bc it makes no sense ;_;
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zero offense bc you can do anything you want forever but if you're gonna redesign the beautiful colorful mane six from 'my little pony: friendship is magic' as boring ass normal ass humans in boring ass normal ass clothes you might as well be making ocs.
#myevilposts#of course i'm biased bc she's my fav but if the artist doesn't make rarity interesting then i tend to kinda write off that artist's#interpretation unless the others are SO GOOD!#rarity is one of the ones who you can really go buck wild with bc of her fashion schtick and relatively simple design but nooo.#mlp#'who keeps greenlighting all these boring drab colorless reboots of bright colorful series???' i do believe#the call may be coming from inside the house.#also kinda not a fan of ppl giving them all 'natural' human hair colors but it can be done well.#this isn't about people 'diversifying' the mane six bc i love that but so many ppl just go the most boring route with humanifying them.
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The class went better and worse than I expected
#better because it was 1/3rd of the length that I was expecting#in fact it said 3 hours then she said 1 hour then it ended up being 40 minutes#so that's...... I can't do maths#I'm never beating the humanities people can't do maths allegations. moving on#it was worse because we Had to put our cameras on and I also found out that this is a thing for EVERY CLASS#EVERYONE has to have their cameras on ALL THE TIME (unless you're on break)#HORRIBLE#I understand why this is (it's so they know we're not just buggering off doing laundry while the class occurs) but liiike#I've had a singularly horrible day today. like it wasn't in the top 10 or anything because no one I know died or had to go to hospital#but top 30? probably. it's on the level of like. it's not going to be one of those days that I'll remember the date of & shudder#(like 1st may [my dad died]; 30th november [Kim died]; 21st october [dislocated my knee the first time] etc)#but I'll need like one business day and maybe a small unnecessary purchase in order to recover#I'm thinking a new pair of sleeper hoops just so I have a different colour I can wear#but I digress#do you know what it is to be a 27 year old woman who's been crying most of the day and gets asked to put her camera on#you probably do. I'm on the 27 year old women who cry most of the day website. forgot where I was for a second there. sorry guys#I don't know what to do with myself now. I'm cried out and dead inside and I have no energy#but I don't want to just lie down because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts#knitting and a podcast? knitting and a podcast. and perhaps. a chocolate biscuit#personal
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There are some reasons you wouldn't want to muzzle a reactive dog though.
My Molly had a rough life before we got her, and was fear-aggressive with other dogs. We put in a ton of training with her, but even then the leashed/unleashed power dynamic was not one she did well with (luckily in our area not a lot of people let their dogs off leash)
However, we didn't use the muzzle as a preventative measure during walks, that's because we very quickly realized that it had a psychological effect on her (because of having to use it for the vets when she was having her joints checked for her arthritis, that she started having issues with pretty young.)
That's because the second the muzzle went on (so long as one of her people were nearby, or one of the vets/techs she knew, or one of her people physically handed the leash to the other person) she relaxed.
She was a Rhodisian Ridgeback/Lab mix, and wanted to keep her people safe. So the muzzle signaled to her that it was okay, we were doing the protecting for now. It was a signal that worked super well, especially once she developed diabetes and had to get insulin twice a day/get her sugars tested. Muzzle on, Molly relaxed, there was no issue with doing whatever medical thing that needed to be done. Muzzle meant humans were in control of her safety and wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.
However, using the muzzle for situations where we didn't know it was 100% safe for her and that we didn't have control over? That wasn't something we would do, because we didn't want some other person's dog attacking her when she was vulnerable and ruining her signal to relax and allow her ears to be medicated or to calm down so she can be poked. So no muzzle for walks, just the harness and strong leash so that she could be taken away from the situation, and carefully planning our trips. The harness allowed us to control her, especially when she got older, because even though she was a good 80 lbs she had hip dysplasia, and her hind legs were relatively weak. So even if she wouldn't sit (if a dog came by on leash we would go far to the side of the path, basically into the bush, and she would have to sit with no slack in the leash) then I could basically use the harness to lift her front end a little off the ground so she couldn't get the leverage to do anything even if she wanted to.
Now she wasn't going to bite people or anything, she was very calm with people, but we did know that it was a possibility if an unleashed dog came up to her. But because we could make sure she couldn't lunge, and our area didn't have off-leash dogs that often, we could keep the muzzle for unfun vet visits and keep it from being associated with being powerless and vulnerable, and keep it being more associated with being safe in an uncomfortable situation.
Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs
#Molly was an odd duck. wicked smart in her own way#this was a dog that modified how she 'asked' me for things because barking often ends up overstimulating me#and would communicate with me using a low-pitched sigh whenever she needed to go out#and would signal that her ears were uncomfy (because she was getting another ear infection) by not eating until I checked her ears#to see if they were warm. and once she was satisfied that I knew she had ear issues she would eat#that dog was an undiagnosed autistic girl's best friend#could tell when I was getting overstimulated and wouldn't make noises that made it worse#not like one of my current cats. bastard (affectionate) has realized what triggers me and will use that when displeased#breakfast a little late? time for crunching paper and clattering things#the hungry kitty meow? specifically pitched for optimal bullying#human not waking up? stand on keyboard until it makes the horrible clicking#that cat is a war criminal and I love him#his 'sister' on the other hand is very polite and autism friendly#doesn't set off the sensory issues unless if it's because she's doing crime to get snacks#bobbles on the other hand if he's upset with me it's constant attempts at triggering sensory overload
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LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - SEVEN
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy, abortion, alcohol, drug consumption.
MASTERLIST
You never spent much time on The Cut, unless you were being dragged by duty, mostly charity events for the local populations, fundraisers for their schools usually.
You always showed up in something tasteful but subtly expensive—pearls, understated Louboutin heels, and a blazer that whispered wealth without screaming it.
Your mother taught you that.
Now, you sat in Poguelandia, doing god knows what.
The name alone sounded like some bad beach-themed party game. But you kept the snark to yourself—mostly. Sarah swore to you this was her new "thing," her big redemption arc, and who were you to judge? It wasn’t where you pictured spending any afternoon, yet there you were.
Pregnant. On The Cut. Drinking—well, holding—a very flat ginger ale out of a plastic cup.
You smoothed your dress for the hundredth time, light linen in a neutral tone that looked effortless but cost more than most people’s rent, while pretending not to notice Pope and Cleo staring like you were a rare bird that had wandered into the wrong habitat.
Were they always this... intense? Did people on this side of the island not know how to look away when someone made eye contact? Your mother’s voice echoed in your head. They’re not staring at you, dear; they’re staring at themselves in relation to you.
Whatever that meant.
To their credit, they weren’t mean about it. Just... curious, as if you’d wandered in from a wildlife documentary called Kooks in the Wild.
You moved your weight around in your seat, hyper-aware of every grain of sand sticking to your hérmes sandals. Every time you shifted, you felt the grains grinding between the straps and your skin.
Should’ve worn the espadrilles, you thought ruefully, but even then, this wasn’t the world’s most glamorous venue. Sarah had begged you to stop by, though, and you owed her. It was also good for you to leave the house instead of being cupped up inside all alone.
“Okay, seriously, what’s with the staring? Do I have something on my face? Is my makeup smudged? Be honest.”
Cleo snorted. “No, you’re fine, princess. We’re just surprised to see you.”
You were still holding your sad little plastic cup. “Just thought I’d participate in—whatever this is.” You gestured vaguely at the mismatched chairs and string lights that looked like they’d been stolen from someone’s backyard wedding. “Community service?”
It was supposed to come off as witty. You weren’t sure it did.
Pope choked on his drink—sweet tea? soda?—and Cleo chuckled outright. “You’re funny,” she said, and for a moment, you weren’t sure if she meant it.
“Thanks?” It came out like a question, and you wanted to die just a little bit inside.
Pope grinned, leaning forward with a chip in his hand. “You don’t seem like the kind of person who hangs out in The Cut, that’s all.”
You blinked, feigning shock. “You don’t think I spend my weekends in—what is this, a glorified surf shack? I’m crushed.”
Cleo laughed again, which—fine—made you feel a little better.
“Nah, it’s just... you’re different up close. Not like, scary kook different. Just human. Y’know?”
“Great. That’s exactly what I was going for today.”
Pope gestured to the bar. “You want a snack? Chips? Cookies? We have...three options.”
You straightened, eyes narrowing like a hawk zeroing in on prey.
Food. Your stomach growled loudly, as if it had been cued by a stage director. “What kind of cookies?”
He blinked, not expecting you to care. “Uh... chocolate chip? Maybe oatmeal raisin?”
“And the chips?” You pressed, leaning forward now.
“Salt and vinegar,” Cleo piped up, eyeing you curiously. “Barbecue too, I think. Why?”
“Okay, shit, great.” You clapped your hands together decisively. “I’ll have all of it. All the chips, both kinds of cookies. Do you have anything else? Pretzels? Popcorn? Random condiments? I’m not picky.”
Cleo stared at you, her mouth slightly open. “Everything?”
“Yes, everything. Is that a problem?”
She blinked, her eyes darting to Pope like he had an explanation. He shrugged helplessly.
“Woman” she muttered under her breath. “Did you not eat for a week, or...?”
The salt and vinegar chips were divine, borderline transcendent, as you shoved another handful into your mouth. The truth was, you weren’t just hungry—you were still terrified. Every bite, every easy conversation with other people that weren’t Sarah, was a game of jenga to you. One wrong move, one offhand comment, and your secret could be out in the open.
Six more days until this would all be... over. Until the secret growing inside you—the one you’d barely admitted to yourself most mornings—would be gone.
The past three days had been the best you’d felt in ages, cravings and all, thanks to Sarah. She’d slept over, stayed up late talking with you, making you laugh, distracting you from the endless pit what-ifs and why-mes.
It was the longest you’d gone without crying in three months. The longest you’d lived without feeling like you could suffocate at any given moment. With her help, it had been easier to forget—to pretend that things were still okay.
But Sarah wasn’t there, she’d left earlier with John B, something about helping him with a tour.
“You good, princess?” Cleo’s voice cut through your thoughts.
You blinked at her, realizing you’d been crushing the chip bag in your hands like a stress ball. “What? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You look like you’re about to fight that bag of chips,” Pope said, grinning.
You forced a laugh, leaning back and tossing the bag onto the table. “No fighting. Just... intense snacking."
You reached for the chocolate chip cookies he had offered earlier, focusing on the sweetness, the comfort of food that tasted good for once. Sweet, crumbly, safe. If only the rest of you life felt like that.
Pope and Cleo knew something was up, they all did, probably.
Sarah had been glued to your side, and it wasn’t exactly subtle.
Her sudden move to “stay over” at your place had obviously raised eyebrows, especially since you two hadn’t had a proper conversation in months before all this. And there was the beach clean-up, Kie and JJ had been there when you felt ill, and while you’d been too disoriented to keep up with the cover story once Rafe drove you away, Sarah had stepped in later to handle it.
Heat exhaustion. Overworked. Totally fine.
Still, to your relief, neither Pope nor Cleo seemed inclined to pry, perhaps it was pity, or maybe they were just decent enough to let you keep the little shred of privacy you had left. Either way, you were grateful.
“So,” Pope said, leaning back on his elbows and flashing you an easy grin, “How are you finding our place? I mean, other than our fine selection of snacks.”
You swallowed a bite of cookie, forcing a smile. “It’s...charming. Rustic. A real je ne sais quoi vibe.” You waved your hand vaguely, trying to mimic the way your mother used to describe terrible restaurants we’d never go back to.
Cleo snorted. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”
“It’s cute,” You offered, looking around, “I can tell you guys put your heart into it.”
Pope smirked, lifting a brow. "That's nice of you to say."
You gave a small shrug, feigning nonchalance, but you meant it.
For all the mismatched chairs and questionable decoration, there was something undeniably warm about the place. You weren't used to that—spaces filled with love instead of decorators and florists, it wasn’t bad. Just different.
“I mean it,” you said, brushing crumbs from your lap. “It’s very authentic. ‘Pogue Chic’ or something.”
Cleo laughed, loud and genuine, her grin lighting up her face. “Pogue Chic?"
Pope chimed in, “Hey, don’t knock it. We’re trendsetters. Ahead of its time.”
You smiled, but your mind was already falling back to the sand clinging to your dress and the ginger ale that tasted like disappointment. You’d never say it out loud, but you admired them, that ability to make joy out of scraps. It was something you didn’t quite know how to do. Not yet, anyway.
Cleo leaned forward, her elbows resting on the makeshift table. “So, are we going to see you around more? Or is this just a one-time royal visit?”
You hesitated, twirling the rim of your cup between your fingers. “I don’t know. Maybe. If Sarah keeps dragging me here, I guess I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice.”
You didn't know if it was the way he said it, the tone he used, or just your hormones fucking you up, but suddenly there were tears in your eye sockets. You blinked rapidly, tilting your head back slightly and praying that the tears stayed put.
These kids, all of them, sitting here like they hadn’t spent their lives scraping by, like they hadn’t been hurt or abandoned or let down a hundred times over by people they loved and trusted. Yet somehow, they were still full of hope, full of life.
You envied that.
You wished you could bottle it, whatever it was that kept them laughing and fighting and welcoming someone like you—a result of privilege and mistakes and heartbreak—into their home. It was humbling in a way that made your chest hurt.
“Does that mean I can choose to order better snacks next time? Maybe some sparkling water? Flat ginger ale is a crime against humanity.”
Cleo snorted, still not fooled by your deflection, but she let it slide.
“Good luck with that, princess. Our snack budget’s about three bucks and whatever we can steal from Kie’s pantry.”
Pope chuckled, tossing a chip in his mouth. “And you’re welcome to contribute if you’re so concerned about the menu.”
It surprised you, how easy it was to talk to them.
On paper, you had nothing in common. They were younger, grew up in a completely different world, and you were used to the polished conversations of country club luncheons and charity galas.
Here, things were different.
They didn’t seem to care if you stumbled over your words, if your jokes were awkward or if you occasionally sounded like a walking trust fund catalog. They didn’t care about your last name, your family’s money, or any other things that had weighed you down for years.
That was disarming.
You’d spent your entire life around people who mirrored your upbringing—kids who summered in the Hamptons or Barbados, adults who measured their worth in stock portfolios and vacation homes. Now, you were here, in this cobbled-together haven with salt-stained cushions, sitting with people who’d grown up struggling for things you took for granted.
You thought it would feel more awkward or forced, but it didn’t.
It was easy.
Pope sat on the counter, gesturing with a half-eaten chip. “Serious question. How do you even survive on Figure Eight? Do they hand you iced lattes and designer handbags when you’re born, or do you have to work your way up to that?”
You raised a brow, smirking. “Oh, absolutely. The moment you’re born, they issue you a monogrammed diaper bag and a gold-plated pacifier. It’s very exclusive.”
Cleo nearly choked on her drink. “See, this is why we can’t take you seriously.”
Your phone buzzed on the table, lighting up with your cousins name, interrupting the fun. You sighed, rolling your eyes before picking it up. “Yes, Top?”
Topper’s slightly whiny tone spilled into your ear. “Can you believe Mom’s threatening to rent out the beach house for the summer? Actual strangers, staying there. What’s next? Turning it into a hostel?”
“Tragic,” you deadpanned, resting your chin in your hand. “Truly, a devastating blow for humanity.”
Pope fake-coughed, mumbling “white rich privilege problems,” while Cleo mouthed, “Hostel!” and shook her head, laughing silently.
“I know. Anyway, I’m coming over later.”
“Where’s your invitation?”
You heard him scoffing, “I’m family, I don’t need one.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “Top, you can’t just announce you’re coming over. I might have plans.”
“Yeah, and I’m your family, so those plans now include me,” Topper said, sounding entirely too pleased with himself. “Besides, I’ll bring food.”
Across from you, Pope was already gagging dramatically, holding his stomach as if the mere sound of Topper’s voice made him physically ill.
“I don’t know if—”
“See you at noon,” he interrupted. “Later!”
The call ended before you could even argue, and you set your phone down with a resigned sigh.
“Looks like I’m hosting a one-man Topper pity party,” you said, crossing your arms and slumping back in your chair.
Pope clutched his chest. “Will you survive?”
You only left once the sun dipped lower into the horizon, you gathered your things promising Sarah you’d drive safely and talk to her tomorrow.
Cleo, Pope and John B were mid-argument about the best way to fix something in the shack. You felt lighter than you had in weeks.
With a few more quips exchanged and goodbyes said, you walked back to your car. That night, the ache in your chest wasn’t completly unbearable. You weren’t okay, but you weren’t drowning, either.
You’d been terrified of this afternoon all day, worried you’d stick out like a sore thumb or say the wrong thing.
But the Pogues hadn’t cared about your awkwardness, your polished self, or even the giant invisible cloud you carried everywhere these days. They let you just be.
The drive home was quiet, but this time you even hummed along to a song on the radio, which was strange because you couldn’t remember the last time you cared about music or even turning on that thing. When you pulled into the driveway and stepped into your house, it didn’t feel as cold and empty as it did last week.
You set your bag down on the entryway table and kick off your sandals, the floors cool beneath your feet. Heading to the kitchen, you decided to see if there was anything decent for tonight’s impromptu early dinner with Topper. The fridge greeted you with a sad bag of lettuce, half a bottle of sparkling water, and a single container of leftover pasta you weren’t sure was still edible.
“Great,” you muttered, closing the door and moving to the pantry.
The situation there wasn’t much better. Sarah’s latest health-kick contributions—a bag of chia seeds and some organic trail mix—laughed at you from the top shelf. You frowned, pushing them aside to reveal a dusty box of crackers and a jar of Nutella.
“Guess we’re going shopping tomorrow,” you murmured, grabbing the crackers and Nutella to snack on now.
You placed them on the counter and glanced around. The sink held a few dishes from earlier —a couple of coffee mugs, a bowl, a plate.
You sighed, rolling up your sleeves, might as well get this out of the way.
Normally, you’d have had someone else to take care of this—stocking the pantry, cleaning the dishes, even deciding on the menu for your lunches. But lately, you’d been scaling back. You hadn’t let anyone go, of course. You could never do that; the staff had been with your family for years, and many of them felt more like extended family than employees. Still, you’d quietly rearranged their schedules, giving them more time off.
They didn’t question it—probably thought it was some new phase, another eccentricity of a bored, privileged young woman.
Truth was, you liked doing these things.
Focusing on something small, tangible, gave your brain a break from drilling itself into a million dark corners. Folding laundry, washing dishes, even the routine of chopping vegetables—it kept your hands busy and your thoughts manageable enough. It wasn’t that you’d suddenly become a domestic goddess or anything. Most of the time, you’d forget to pick up groceries or burn whatever you tried to cook.
It wasn’t about being good at it. It was about doing something.
You looked around the kitchen, noting the little imperfections you wouldn’t have noticed before. A small water stain on the counter from where your glass had sat too long, the scuff marks on the cabinets where your chair scraped when you leaned back. They weren’t problems to be fixed—they were just signs of life.
And right now at that very moment, life felt…okay.
The house didn’t seem as cold or empty when you were doing things for yourself, even if it was mundane work. You finish up wiping down the counters, glance at the time—definitely cutting it close—and head toward the dining room to tidy up a bit.
Topper was not the type to notice if the place is spotless, but you always liked things to look... presentable, yourself included.
You heard the doorbell ring in the distance, he was early as usual, probably checking his watch just to make sure he wasn't a second late.
"Of course he’s early," you muttered to yourself, a little smirk pulling at your lips.
You walked towards the front door, ready to greet him, but when you opened it, your eyes immediately locked onto the large takeout bag in his hand. It smelled... amazing.
Topper grinned at you, an exaggerated flourish as he held up the bag.
“Guess what I brought?”
“You brought... Korean chicken wings? Really?”
“Hell yeah, I did!” He stepped inside, completely ignoring any formalities and heading straight toward the kitchen, “They just opened.”
He placed the bag on the counter with the confidence of a man who knew he’s just won “Best Dinner Host” without even trying. You peeked inside, the crispy wings drenched in a glossy, sweet-spicy sauce that looked downright delicious.
Topper laughed and took a seat, pulling out the wings, not even bothering with plates. “You’re welcome.”
You rolled your eyes but sat next to him, picking up a wing, the heat of it still making your fingers tingle. The crispy exterior cracked open with a satisfying crunch as you bit into it. It was everything you'd hoped for—tangy, spicy, perfectly cooked. You nearly moaned in pleasure, not even caring that your cousin was watching you with that cocky grin on his face.
“You look like you’ve seen the light,” He teased, leaning back in his chair as he grabbed a wing of his own.
“I mean,” you said, savoring another bite, “this might make up for you barging in uninvited.”
“Barging?” He clutched his chest dramatically, mock offense radiating from every inch of him. “I'm saving you from a night of sad dinners, and this is the thanks I get?”
You gave him a pointed look, but the corner of your mouth tugged upward despite yourself.
“Fine. Thank you, Topper. You’re the hero of the day. Happy now?”
“Ecstatic,” he said, grinning as he reached for another wing. “What’s new? Still slumming it with my ex and the Pogues?”
“First of all,” you said, wiping your fingers on a napkin, “slumming it implies I’m suffering, which I’m not. And second, Sarah’s not a pogue. She’s pogue-adjacent.”
“Pogue-adjacent?” He snorted. “You’ve been spending too much time over there.”
“Like you’re one to talk,” you shot back. “You basically live at Kildare Brewing these days. That’s like, one pogue away from full assimilation.”
He opened his mouth to argue but then stopped, realizing you had a point. “Okay, fair. But only because they have good beer."
You hesitated for a moment, unsure if you should even bring it up, but curiosity got the better of you. You hadn’t heard about her in a while, and you knew by experience, that was never a good thing.
“So... Ruthie,” you started, watching him over the rim of your glass as you took a sip.
Topper paused mid-chew, looking up at you like he wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation. “What about her?”
“I mean, you two are still together, aren’t you?”
He wiped his hands on a napkin. “We’re… not talking right now.”
You tried not to look pleased, but a rush of vindication bloomed in your chest. You'd grown to hate her, plain and simple. Her recent proximity to your cousin had always baffled you. He wasn’t perfect, but surely, he could do better.
“I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, well,” he muttered, reaching for another wing. But then he stopped, like whatever he was thinking was messing with his head.
“What happened?” You asked, trying to sound more curious, concerned, than nosy.
You weren’t sure if he’d tell you, but the look on his face made it clear something big had gone down.
He hesitated, debating whether to answer. Finally, he sighed. “She... started a rumor about you.”
Your head jerked back in surprise. “About me?”
“Yeah,” he grimaced like he’d swallowed something sour. “She said you passed out at the beach cleanup and decided to spread some bullshit about you doing drugs.”
You just stared at him. “She what?”
You weren’t sure why you were so surprised.
You knew what she was capable better than anyone, especially when she was bored out of her mind.
“I didn’t believe it,” he added quickly, his tone defensive, as if that made it better. “I told her to shut the fuck up about it, but you know how she is. She thought it was funny.”
“Funny?” Your voice was sharp now, “She thought it was funny to spread lies about me? About drugs? What the fuck?”
“Yeah, it’s so messed up. That’s why I’m not talking to her. I told her if she couldn’t act like a fucking decent human being, we were done.”
You blinked, stunned.
You weren’t sure what shocked you more—the fact that Ruthie had stooped so low or that Topper had finally stood up to her. You shook your head, biting back another nasty comment about how awful she was. You’d been saying it for months, and he hadn’t listened.
No point in beating a dead horse now.
“It’s about time you saw what she’s really like. She’s really bad fuckin’ news, Top. Always has been.”
He gave a low grunt, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the counter. “Yeah. Took me long enough, huh?”
You didn’t answer, just raised an eyebrow and sipped your water.
“She’s always been weird about Sarah,” Topper muttered, almost to himself. “Even when we were together, she’d find these ways to dig at her. Like that one time at Midsummers—”
“—When she ‘accidentally’ spilled her drink on Sarah’s dress,” you finished, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, I remember. She’s always had this thing about trying to one-up her. Honestly, it’s so pathetic. But you never listen to me, so.”
“Okay, ouch.” He threw a crumpled napkin at you, which you easily dodged. “I listen to you sometimes.”
“Do you, though?” You gave him a pointed look.
“Yeah, I do!” Topper protested, though the whine in his voice made him sound more like the teenager he used to be, back when he’d follow you around during family holidays like a puppy. “Just… selectively.”
“Selective listening isn’t listening, dumbass. You’re just proving my point.”
He narrowed his eyes at you but didn’t answer, reaching for another wing instead. He took a bite, chewing dramatically, as if the exaggerated crunch would somehow end the conversation.
“Look, I’ve been saying for months that Ruthie’s bad news. Since she showed up at last year’s Christmas party wearing a dress identical to Sarah’s, just in a different color. You thought that was a coincidence?”
Topper groaned, dropping the wing. “Okay, fine, you’re right. Are you happy now? Can you stop rubbing it in?”
You grinned, propping your chin on your hand.
“Oh, I could. But what kind of older cousin would I be if I didn’t remind you how often you’re wrong?”
“You’re not that much older than me.”
You shrugged. “Old enough to know better than to date someone that awful.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re a genius. I get it.” He looked over at you again, his gaze softer, this time, “But seriously, you’ve been off lately. If there’s something going on, you can tell me, y’know? We’re family, even if I don’t listen to you half the time,” he added with a small smile, though his eyes were searching, hoping you’d let him in.
It would be so easy to tell him the truth—that you were pregnant, scheduled for an abortion in six days, and drowning in uncertainty and dread.
But he was still Rafe’s best friend, and the risk of this ever reaching him was too high. Instead, you forced a lightness into your voice.
“Nothing I can’t handle. And right now, I desperately need the bathroom.”
He looked at you skeptically, not fooled for a second.
“You’re really okay?” he pressed, his voice dropping to a level that told you he wasn’t going to let this go easily, "I texted and called before, you didn't answer. Thought you were resting from the scare."
You’d been having such a calm, easy time with Sarah, you almost forgot about everything else. The thought of picking up the phone, letting all that anxiety and worry back in, just wasn’t appealing—so you’d ignored his calls, but not on purpose. You were doing him a favor.
You plastered on a smile and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as you passed. “I promise, I’m fine. Just felt a little light-headed and needed some peace."
His eyes narrowed slightly, unconvinced. “That’s all?”
You forced a giggle, hoping it would sound more genuine than it felt. “Yes, Dr. Thornton. Just needed to eat more or drink water or whatever the fuck it is you’re always telling me to do.”
“Uh-huh,” he said, crossing his arms, watching you closely. “Because you’ve never just fainted before.”
“I guess there’s a first time for everything. Besides, don’t you think I’d tell you if something serious was wrong?”
It took everything to maintain eye contact, your stomach twisting at the lie. He was family, and you wanted to trust him, to let him help you. But you couldn’t. He hadn’t even told you about Rafe and Sofia until you found out by yourself.
Topper tilted his head, considering you, then sighed and gave a reluctant nod. “Alright, fine.”
“Okay, if you’re done being weird,” You pushed back from the counter, grabbing your glass. “I gotta pee,” you announced casually, as if this was the most normal interjection in the world. The wings were good, but running away was tempting. And also, the pregnancy had made your bladder a ticking time bomb, and you really didn’t want to risk any accidents. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
You offered him one last smile, hoping it was convincing enough. He whined some sarcastic comment about your water consumption as you hurried away, but you barely heard him.
All you thought about was the blessed relief that awaited on the other side of that door.
You didn’t usually spend this much time with Top nowadays—your own tendency to avoid “close” family drama—but tonight had been oddly… nice.
Even if you wanted to wrap your hands around his neck half the time. Even if you hated lying to him. If he’d just pushed a little harder, maybe you would’ve folded, let it all spill right there in the kitchen.
Every time you thought you’d come to a decision, another doubt would take over you, leaving you back at square one. You knew what you wanted, so why was this so hard?
Topper had looked at you with such genuine concern back there. The “if you need me, I’m here” sentiment was the same one you’d grown up with, the kind of care only a cousin, practically a sibling, could have.
This was hard.
When you came back into the kitchen after taking your sweet time in the bathroom you immediately noticed something was off.
Topper was by the counter, staring at the half-eaten pile of wings by the table like they’d personally offended him. He looked paler, too—almost like he’d seen a ghost.
“Uh…” You stopped mid-step, furrowing your brow. “What’s with the stupid face? Did the wings betray you or something?”
He jolted slightly, as if he hadn’t even heard you come in. “What? No. No, the wings are fine. Great. Amazing, even.”
“Okay…” You gave him a skeptical look, setting your glass down and crossing your arms.
Topper laughed, but it was this oddly nervous, stilted sound. He glanced at his phone, tapping the screen for no real reason, then shoved it into his pocket.
“You know what, though? I totally forgot—I have something planned. Like, super important. In about… ten minutes.”
You stared at him, unimpressed. “You forgot you had plans? Sounds fake, but okay.”
“So unlike me!” He got up from his chair with such sudden energy that it made you take a step back. “Anyway, I should really get going. Don’t want to be late. Uh, thanks for… hanging out. And for, uh, letting me use your wings as a form of therapy. Yeah. Later!”
And with that, he was sprinting for the door.
“Topper!” you called after him, confused and mildly annoyed. “What the hell is going on? You’re acting fuckin’ weird!”
“Nope, not weird! Just busy!” he shot back over his shoulder, not even looking at you as he opened the door.
You didn’t have time to yell at him before he disappeared out the door, the sound of his Jeep starting up echoing from the driveway a moment later. You stood there bewildered, staring at the now-empty doorway.
Something was definitely up. He was many things—dramatic, stubborn, occasionally insufferable—but shifty wasn’t usually one of them.
You went back to the kitchen, glancing at the counter, ready to brush off his weird exit as just another of his dramatics, when your eyes landed on a random envelope— the one you’d been using to scribble down everything lately.
Extra small grocery lists, reminders, and, unfortunately, the number for the abortion clinic.
Rafe’s fingers curled loosely around the tumbler of bourbon, eyes set on nothing in particular. The lunch rush was winding down, country club regulars filing out.
He’d been there for over an hour—first, the meeting, listening to those finance guys ramble on about numbers, projections, all that bullshit he usually liked to hear.
He’d faked his interest well enough, but his mind had been miles away. Mostly thinking about you. And the company, of course, because that was his priority right now. Or, it should be.
The whole thing with you, three days ago, it was a slow-mind-burning headache he couldn’t ignore, even if he wanted to. And he had wanted to, tried to, in fact.
He took another slow sip, hardly tasting the bourbon. Across the room, Sofia was working between tables, balancing trays and forcing her best country club smile.
All he saw when he looked at her was you, it only made him force down another swallow, running his thumb over the rim of the glass, mind somewhere between the company projections and the mess he’d made of things with you.
It was ridiculous that you were still in his head. He should be thinking about that deal, about locking down his place in the Cameron empire.
Rafe pushed the glass aside, signaling for the check when something caught his ear—a conversation from a nearby table.
“Yeah, she actually passed out the other day. Pathetic.” The voice was loud, sneering.
A dude’s voice followed, fake sympathy dripping from his tone. “I heard she was a fuckin’ mess after the whole breakup.”
“Oh, totally.” A different girl laughed, high-pitched and cruel. “She’s probably on something. Can you blame her? I’d be desperate too if he dumped me.”
It didn’t take a fucking genius to know who they were talking about. Small town and all, of course, things got around, mostly turning into half-truths and petty rumors.
He stopped all his movements, jaw clenching. His fingers tightened around the edge of the table, the only thing keeping him from breaking something, preferably bones.
They were talking about you.
About some made-up version of you, the fact that these spoiled, airheaded brats thought they could shit talk about you like that, rip you apart for fun just because you weren’t there to defend yourself made him sick.
He pushed his chair back and stood, crossing the room with long strides. He didn’t care about the eyes following him as he walked up to their table, the laughter stopping the moment they looked up and saw the look on his face.
“What did you just say?”
The girl who’d been laughing, a petite brunette with too much makeup and a self-satisfied smirk, blinked up at him, her smile faltering.
“Oh, Rafe! We didn’t see you there. We were just…joking around,” she stammered, trying to backpedal.
“Joking?” He laughed, the sound making them flinch. “That what you call it? Spreading some bullshit rumor because it’s all your pathetic little lives have to offer?”
The brunette’s face went red. “I mean, we all heard about it. I’m just saying what everyone’s already thinking—”
His fists clenched and his patience, already thin, snapped the second he heard the guy—one of those trust fund preps with an overdone tan and a too-tight polo—chime in.
“Oh, come on, dude,” the guy smirked, leaning back in his chair, feigning nonchalance. “It’s not like she’s worth all that trouble, is she?”
His entire body went rigid, and before he registered it, he was leaning down, letting them feel the weight of his glare.
“Say that shit again,” Rafe taunted him, something almost amused twisting at the edge of his mouth, daring him to keep talking. “I’d love to hear you repeat yourself.”
“Relax, man—”
He didn’t even let him finish, eyes narrowed, his voice dropping to a near whisper, more dangerous than shouting ever could be.
“You think it’s funny? Talking about someone who’s not even here to defend herself?”
The guy’s face paled, and Rafe swore he was seconds away from landing a punch, from wiping that smug grin off his face. Just as he prepared his fist, ready to make good on his threat, he felt a hand on his arm, a small, insistent tug.
“Rafe,” a soft voice hissed. Sofia. He barely glanced at her, shrugging off her grip.
“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice sharp, dismissive.
He kept his eyes on the guy, who looked more uncomfortable by the second, squirming in his seat.
Sofia’s hand still hovering near his arm, cautious now. “Rafe, come on, this isn’t worth it. You’re better than this.”
She looked scared. Scared of him, scared of the situation. He wasn’t better than this.
He’d never been, and he’d been good enough at lying and pretending for her even to think that.
You would’ve known better.
Fuck, you wouldn’t have wasted time talking.
You would’ve yanked him back by his collar, shoved yourself between him and the guy, shot him that warning glare, daring him to keep pushing you so you’d have to drag him out by force. You always knew when he’d get like this, that edge in his voice, that look in his eye that told you he was seconds away from snapping. You knew better than anyone how to pull him back when he hit that switch.
But you’d never bothered with gentle.
Sofia’s eyes darted around the room, clearly embarrassed, maybe even afraid of drawing attention. He knew this wasn’t fair to her, that she hadn’t signed up for this part of him—the anger, the unpredictability. It wasn’t in his nature to stay silent, to ignore things and walk away.
He could almost see it—feel it, like a familiar bruise under his skin. You’d shove him hard enough that he’d stumble back, half-pissed and half-shocked. You’d get in his face, not even close to scared, cutting through his spiral. “What the hell is wrong with you, Rafe? You wanna end up in jail over some loser? Grow up.”
If you’d been here, you wouldn’t have given him a choice. You’d have grabbed his arm and dragged him away, kept a grip on him until he’d snapped out of whatever dark place he’d dropped into. You’d push him until he finally let go, forced him to come down from that blinding fury and face the mess he’d just caused. It was the only way he’d ever been able to listen—when you pushed him to wake up, forced him to look at himself and see just how reckless, just how stupid he was about to be.
But Sofia? She had no idea.
She thought saying “you’re better than this” was going to do anything, that with a light touch and some empty words, he’d suddenly be calm, reasonable, soft.
But he’d never been that way, never with you, never with anyone.
She hadn’t done anything wrong; she’d just seen the version of him he’d wanted her to see. The version he’d put together, patched up and polished, all so he could convince himself he was something he wasn’t.
With her, it was easy to pretend. He could smooth his sharp edges, show her just enough of himself to keep her interested without letting her close enough to see the mess underneath.
He’d let her believe he was the kind of guy who could just calm down, let things slide. The kind of guy who’d listen. He’d wanted her to believe he was controlled, calm. Sofia’s softness had appealed to him, but now, it only highlighted the differences between them.
With you, he’d never had the luxury of pretending.
You’d seen through him from the start, never let him get away with putting on some act.
You hadn’t let him pretend to be better than he was, hadn’t let him off easy when he’d tried to brush things off or shut down. You knew every side of him, even the ones he’d rather ignore. You’d always known exactly who he was, who he wasn’t, and you’d never been afraid to remind him.
He didn’t want to let it go, didn’t want to give the guy an inch of leeway to think he’d won this. Rafe sighed and released his grip, his hand falling from the table as he finally stepped back. Sofia relaxed, giving him a relieved smile, but it only made him feel emptier.
“You talk about her again and I’ll fucking kill you, you hear me?”
The guy sputtered, looking down, embarrassed and shaken. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like an apology, but Rafe didn’t care enough to hear it.
Sofia’s hand was still on his tail when he left, and as soon as he walked out of earshot of the table, she followed him, crossing her arms. Her eyes narrowed with an expression he’d never seen from her —disbelief.
“What was that?”
Everything.
Rafe didn’t speak. He was staring past her, back at the group, mind far from the confrontation and miles away with thoughts of you. She seemed to notice, her lips pressing together.
“I can’t believe you did that. You threatened to kill him, Rafe. Over what, a stupid rumor?”
A stupid rumor? She was making him feel like he was out of control, irrational—even though he couldn’t explain why this mattered so much.
“You wouldn’t get it. It’s not your problem.”
She flinched a little, her face falling, but to her credit, she didn’t look away. “You’re right. I don’t get it. Tell me.”
He wanted to believe that it could work with Sofia.
Nice girl, pretty too. She laughed at his jokes, and she didn’t call him out on his bullshit, because she didn’t even know that side of him existed. On paper, she was perfect. But she wasn't you.
He looked back at her, her worried eyes scanning his face.
It was frustrating—seeing the fear, feeling her judgment when she didn’t even know what she was judging.
To her, this was just some meaningless outburst, something he could turn on and off at will. This wasn’t her fault. He knew that. He hated how this wasn’t something he couldn't put into words, not in any way that would make sense to her.
“Forget it, alright?” his tone was harsher than he meant.
Sofia shook her head, clearly not willing to let it drop this time.
“Why would you get so worked up over something like this?"
To her, that’s all this was—just noise, harmless, inconsequential.
She looked up at him expectantly, her brows furrowed in confusion, waiting for some reasonable answer.
And it pissed him off, how she kept waiting, expecting him to offer some calm, measured response when he didn’t even understand it himself.
Sofia’s eyes softened, but it only irritated him further.
“She’s nice,” Her words drifted out casually like she didn’t know she’d just cracked him open. “She defended me, last week, when I was serving brunch.”
He couldn’t stop the self-loathing.
You had always been that way—ready to defend anyone, even when you were the one hurting. Rafe winced, hating himself for it, hating that you could still be so good even after everything. He swallowed hard, keeping his expression blank.
“Did she?” he muttered, trying to sound indifferent.
“Yeah,” Sofia replied, watching his reaction with mild curiosity. “Guess I wouldn’t have expected that.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched, that familiar hurt in his chest.
His mind was already conjuring all the times you’d jumped in, backed people up, and called out anyone who crossed a line. Even when it came to people you barely knew.
It made him feel like the worst person in the world, knowing that you’d been there for Sofia of all people, that you’d shown her that same loyalty. It made him hate himself even more.
His phone buzzed, saving him from the inevitable conversation, his hand brushed the side of his face as he glanced down at the unknown number flashing across the screen. He didn’t hesitate, before swiping the answer button.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Cameron, this is Dr. Harris from the hospital,” the voice on the other end said. “We’ve been trying to reach Miss Thornton about the blood work results from her visit three days ago. Unfortunately, there’s been an issue with our system and a few patient’s data has been deleted, except for the emergency contact information.”
Rafe’s stomach dropped.
He was still your emergency contact, not by choice probably. The hospital was calling about your blood work.
Was something wrong?
His blood ran cold. “Is she okay? Did something happen?” The urgency in his tone made Sofia’s eyes widen again, her confusion growing.
“We’re concerned about a possible infection. We need to run more tests to rule it out, but the symptoms suggest it could be more complicated. We must check thoroughly to be sure.”
“An infection?”
“Yes, but it could be nothing serious. We just need her to come in as soon as possible for a follow-up,” Dr. Harris explained.
There was a pause as if he expected Rafe to say something reassuring or offer to pass on the message.
Sofia’s brows knitted together as she watched him. “Rafe?”
“I’ll tell her,” he said, the words cracked in his throat. The doctor thanked him and hung up.
He stared at the phone waiting for it to ring again with more news, a reassurance that this wasn’t as serious as it sounded.
You probably hadn’t changed your emergency contact because it slipped your mind.
He couldn’t stand the idea that something could be wrong, and he was not the one you called when you needed someone. All he’d ever done was mess things up between you.
“What’s going on?”
How the fuck was he going to tell you when you'd blocked him everywhere?
He couldn’t call, couldn’t text, couldn’t even show up unannounced without risking the usual argument that would end with you screaming at him to get out, or worse, you looking at him with that unforgiving stare.
He knew you’d locked every door, bolted every window to keep him out, and he deserved it.
“It’s nothing,” he said, the lie slipping out automatically. He could feel her studying him, waiting for another explanation he also didn’t have the patience to give.
Maybe Topper could help.
The irony wasn’t lost on him—he’d given your cousin the mission of checking in on you, playing the careful messenger while Rafe kept his distance. That was supposed to be him.
But the reality was you hated him now, hated him enough that Topper was a safer option and yet, the private information still landed on his lap. As if he still had the right to be in your orbit, let alone the person trusted with this kind of news.
It felt wrong.
He knew you were going to hate him even more for still having access to your private details. It wasn’t really his fault—the hospital called him. He should have hung up the moment the hospital mentioned your name, told them they had the wrong guy. But he didn’t. He listened.
“If you need to go—” she started, trailing off when he didn’t answer. Her voice softened, tentative. “It’s about her, isn’t it?”
Rafe’s jaw ticked, and he looked away, out at the horizon where the sun was setting. “Yeah,” he muttered, not bothering to lie this time.
His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. He typed something out, then deleted it, then typed again.
Finally, he just went with the simplest thing he could think of and hit send.
Can we meet up? Tannyhill in 30. I think I know what’s wrong.
He half-expected some lame excuse or joke from Topper. Instead, the text he got made the deep lines across his forehead make an appearance.
Shit, you do???
Did the fucker already know?
Did he suspect? Or was this just the kind of baited question someone asked when they thought they were the last to know something big?
He frowned, gripping the phone tighter.
If Topper did know, why hadn’t he said anything?
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i. deer dolly
part i | part ii | more | ao3 tags: fem! reader, reader is a performer in a speakeasy, human! possibly ooc! alastor so he's a bit more "tame" here, allusions to murder and such, unsettling & obsessive behavior, written before episode 7; may become inaccurate, gorey-ish descriptions of love
"So what?" Angel Dust hummed, drumming his nails on the counter. "You and Alastor are like... friends?"
"Oh, well, that ain't the word I would’ve used, but it's something like that!" Mimzy chirped, reaching for her drink and downing it in one go. "He used to frequent the club I had! In fact, that’s where he met his wife—"
“Wife?!” Angel Dust cut her off, jaw dropping. “Freaky face is married?”
“Oh yeah,” Mimzy hummed, waving her hand around. “Under all that murder and cannibalism, he’s a total sap! Can't blame him, I mean—his wife is a doll! Me an' her used to perform together!”
"An’ how come I never heard of this? People ain't told me shit!" Angel Dust grumbled, turning to Husk behind the counter. "You knew 'bout this, whiskers?"
"Yeah. They were together back in the living. But don't even think of bringing it up in front of Alastor. He gets all heated," Husk grumbled, grabbing a towel to wipe down Mimzy’s now-empty glass. The cat then turned to grab another bottle off the shelf, a grimace on his lips. "I would know."
Angel Dust leaned forward, resting his face on his folded hands. "Well, ain't that something. Never knew he even had one of those."
Mimzy cackled, her voice a raspy melody that echoed through the smoky air of the bar as she snatched the bottle of liquor away from Husk’s paws. "Oh, honey, you wouldn’t even know how deep it goes. They go way back."
"Spill," Angel Dust grinned, curiosity getting the better of him.
Mimzy leaned in, looking both ways to make sure Alastor or his shadows weren't around before lowering her voice. "It was back in the day, at my joint. Alastor dropped by for the bootlegs, you know? But then he caught sight of her. She was singin’ and dancin’ on stage, a real heartbreaker. He couldn't resist the charm, and boom, he was struck on! Ever since then, he came around as frequently as he could. Made me so much money~"
Angel Dust raised an eyebrow, his long lashes fluttering as he squished his cheek against his palm, a coy smirk playing on his lips. "And you were part of this love saga?"
Mimzy shook her head, a wicked glint dancing in her eyes before she lifted the bottle to her lips and downed its contents in one swift motion, her throat working as she swallowed. "Oh, sugar, just a witness to the drama. Those two lovebirds had their own dance going on. I just spiced things up."
Angel Dust chuckled, shaking his head. "Never thought smiles had it in him."
"Again. He likes to keep his shit private. So, don't go running your mouth unless you wanna be on the receiving end of one of his… episodes," Husk interrupted, his gruff voice breaking through the conversation as he leaned over the counter and reclaimed the bottle from Mimzy with a low growl.
Angel hummed dismissively, his golden tooth catching the glimmer of the bar lights as he spoke. “Anyone could've guessed that. Where is she, anyways? I haven't seen or heard of her since day one."
"Busy," Mimzy snorted, her finger lazily tracing the rim of her glass. She leaned back in her seat, the dim glow of the bar lights casting shadows across her features. "That's where."
“Really?" Angel's brow lifted in skepticism, his boot lightly kicking against the base of Mimzy's chair. "Busy? That’s it?”
Mimzy shrugged, her lips curling into a sly smile. "Can't tell ya much. Y'know Alastor doesn't like sharin'. Secrets and shadows, that's his game."
“Aww c'mon, tits,” Angel grinned, his golden tooth glinting beneath the bar lights with each word. “You gotta know more than you let on. It'll be our secret.”
"Well," Mimzy drawled, savoring the suspense as she tapped a gloved finger against her cheek. "I guess I can tell you a lil’ something about how they met…”
.
Alastor found himself standing in the heart of a secluded corner of town.
A desolate, dimly lit street stretched out before him, raindrops rhythmically tapping on the worn concrete beneath his feet.
It was something he had never imagined—searching for a speakeasy in this far-off locale. Rarely did he have time for himself. Most of his days were dedicated to caring for his mother, his job as a radio host, and any free time he had was reserved for his… hobbies. But he supposed a change of scenery wouldn't hurt.
Adjusting his glasses, he gazed up at the timeworn, ragged sign of a barbershop that read, "Chum’s Clippers."
Charming.
With a roll of his eyes, the radio host stepped into the worn-down establishment, visibly grimacing at the shop's decrepit condition. His eyes surveyed the room, settling on a young blonde woman.
Perched on the edge of the registrar counter, a cigar dangled between her cherry-red lips, the tendrils of smoke curling upwards in lazy spirals. Her legs crossed provocatively, causing the fabric of her dress to ride up her thighs, revealing more skin than what civil society would allow.
As soon as she caught sight of Alastor's silhouette, a spark of excitement lit up her features, and she greeted him with an animated wave.
"Hey there, mistah! Names Mimzy!" she chirped with a friendly lilt. Her crimson-painted nails plucked the cigarette from her lips, trailing a wisp of smoke as she gestured toward Alastor. "Whatcha here for?"
"Pleasure to meet you," Alastor smiled back and stepped closer, offering her a bow of his head, “Quite a pleasure. You see, I was just strolling through these darling streets, and wouldn't you know it? The whispers in the wind pointed me straight to you, the gal in the know when it comes to bootlegs. Care to confirm?"
‘A potential client?" Mimzy thought, her smirk hidden behind her hand as she took one last puff, the cherry of her cigar glowing brightly before she flicked it into an ashtray. 'Straight to the point.'
"Well, well, mistah," she drawled with a playful twirl of her finger through her blonde curls. "You've got a nose for sniffin' out the good stuff, huh? Well, we might have a few things tucked away for the right kind of folk. But, sugar, we don't just give 'em to anyone.”
Alastor's smile widened as he smoothly fished out his wallet, giving it a theatrical wave. "I do have a penchant for fine libations, my dear. And I assure you, I'm just looking for a little taste of the local flavor, nothing more."
Mimzy's eyes sparkled with mischief as she perked up, eagerly hopping off the counter. The click of her heels echoed against the worn floor as she approached the tall man.
"You're in luck, then! Follow me, and we'll talk business in the back," she said, gesturing toward a concealed door at the back of the barbershop.
Alastor followed her through a narrow passage, which unveiled another door leading to the very speakeasy he’d heard talk of. The atmosphere changed instantly, lively jazz music filled the air, and the dimly lit space was alive with laughter and clinking glasses.
Mimzy guided Alastor to a private booth tucked away in a corner, where a polished bottle of bootleg whiskey awaited their arrival.
"Here's to unexpected encounters, mistah," she beamed, the words dripping with charm as she poured a generous measure into his glass. Alastor raised his glass in acknowledgment, his eyes glinting with amusement.
"To unexpected encounters," he echoed before taking a deep sip.
The whiskey was bitter and strong, yet there was a subtle sweetness that danced on his tongue, leaving behind a tantalizing warmth. It had been increasingly difficult to find such fine brews ever since the prohibition hit, making each sip all the more precious.
Seating himself comfortably, Alastor swirled the glass in his hand, mesmerized by the way the golden liquid caught the flickering candlelight. Beside him, Mimzy continued her lively chatter, her words accompanied by the persistent clinking of ice in their glasses as she refilled his drink, hoping to stack his bill higher with each pour.
As the room hummed with the soft, easy notes of a piano and the clinking of glasses, a sudden hush fell over the crowd as an announcer's voice sliced through the air.
"Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the enchanting Dolly!"
Mimzy's excitement bubbled up even more, and she leaned in toward Alastor. "That's my sister! Well— not by blood, but you know, me and her are real, real close. One of my best performers here at the bar!"
"Is that so?" Alastor hummed, his eyes now alight with curiosity as he shifted his focus toward the stage.
In that moment, you stepped onto the platform, grabbing a hold of the standing microphone. With a subtle flick of your wrist, you directed attention to the dark-haired pianist, his fingers poised above the keys. A nod from you and the jazz ensemble sprung to life, setting the stage for your performance. As the spotlight enveloped you in a warm glow, a hushed silence fell over the speakeasy.
Folks, here's a story 'bout Minnie the Moocher She was a red hot hoochie-coocher She was the roughest, toughest frail But Minnie had a heart as big as a whale
The lyrics flowed easily through Alastor's mind, carried by the smooth, buttery tones of your voice that filled the air. The radio host found himself utterly hypnotized, his gaze never tearing from your form.
He could stare for hours, unabashed by any sense of shame—though, truth be told, he didn't possess much of that quality to begin with.
She messed around with a bloke named Smokey She loved him though he was kokey He took her down to Chinatown And he showed her how to kick the gong around
As Mimzy began clapping excitedly and waving her arms to beckon you over, Alastor's attention shifted. The final notes of the song echoed in the room, snapping him back to reality. In the haze of your performance, he hadn't even realized that the song had come to an end.
“What a gal!” Mimzy cackled, joyously wrapping her arms around you as you approached.
Alastor took a moment to study you with keen interest.
The dim lighting of the speakeasy lent a soft, ethereal glow to your figure as you moved, casting long shadows across the floor. A slender dress, shimmering with golden sequins, hugged your figure, shimmers and glitters catching the light. The dress boasted a daring low neckline, while its swaying boxed skirt gracefully fell just above your knees, accentuating your every movement. Complementing the ensemble were black kitten heels, their clicks and clacks adding a subtle rhythm to every step you took. Your hair, styled into a sleek bob, framed your demure features perfectly. Adorning your head was a headpiece adorned with golden yellow feathers and dark lace.
"Dollface, I want ya to meet Alastor!" Mimzy exclaimed, pulling you along and positioning you in front of him. “He’s new!”
With a wave of your hands and a warm smile, you tilted your head up to meet Alastor's gaze. The man standing before you was tall and slim, boasting broad shoulders. His white button-up clung perfectly to his frame, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing toned forearms adorned with scars, cuts, and prominent veins.
‘Must be a hunter or a butcher,’ you noted heatedly.
Short, side-swept brunette hair framed his face, adding a touch of rugged charm to his appearance, while rectangular glasses perched on the bridge of his nose lent him an air of intelligence. As he smiled, a chill crept down your spine, and an odd sinking sensation settled in your stomach.
There was an unsettling nature to him, a subtle aura that left you uncertain of whether your reaction stemmed from the eerie quality of his smile or if it was simply a flustered response to his strikingly handsome features.
“Pleasure to meet you, cher,” Alastor purred, turning on the charm. He delicately took your hand, pressing a kiss against your knuckles. In a subtle move, the radio host let his fingers linger over your skin, subtly checking for any sign of a ring. Noticing the absence, he filed the information away with a sly smile.
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance as well, sir,” you smiled, tucking your face behind your hand. Alastor observed with delight as a subtle blush painted your cheeks, a tacit acknowledgment that his presence had left an impression.
"Al here knows his way around a glass of whiskey like nobody else in these parts! Ain't that right, Al?" Mimzy chattered, her voice bubbling with familiarity as if she had known him for years and hadn't just met him one song and ten drinks ago.
Alastor chuckled, a low, melodic sound that sent your stomach doing flips. "
"Well, I do have a certain fondness for…" The radio host paused, his sharp, gaze raking up and down your form, his words trailing off. "…finer things in life."
A silence lingered in the air, and Mimzy, always attuned to the mood of a room, shot a knowing look between the two of you.
"Well, don't cha?" Mimzy exclaimed, her hands clapping with excitement. "If that's the case, then I'm sure Dolly would love to show you around here!"
"Is that so?" Alastor, maintaining that devilish smile, turned his attention back to you. "Well, what do you say, cher?" he questioned.
Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, you met his gaze with a coy smile. "I'd be delighted to show you around. There's a lot more to this place than meets the eye."
Mimzy clapped her hands together. "Perfect! Now, why don't you two enjoy the rest of the night? I'll be right here waiting."
“Shall we?” Alastor offered his hand, gesturing to the dance floor.
With a small nod, you graciously accepted Alastor's outstretched hand, leading the way to the lively dance floor where the band played an upbeat tune. Around you, couples twirled in a dizzying dance, with heels tapping, shoes stomping, and skirts gracefully gliding and twirling. Alastor wasted no time, pulling you in and molding your form against his.
Looks were indeed deceiving, as despite his lean appearance, Alastor had no issue effortlessly tossing and spinning you round and round, lifting you as if you were as weightless as a feather. Each spin and dip was executed with skill, his footwork was a blur and soon enough, you found yourself willingly surrendering to the rhythm of his lead.
This man could fucking dance.
As the music gradually slowed, Alastor guided you to the side, providing a moment to catch your breath after the energetic routine.
"Thank you for the dance, cher! You are quite quick on your feet," Alastor chuckled, his voice low, blending with the fading echoes of the music.
"You're not too bad yourself," you managed between breaths, a raspy laugh escaping your lips. "Nobody's ever been able to keep up with me," you continued, running a hand through your tousled hair and adjusting your dress. "I think I was the one who had to keep up with you."
After ensuring you were presentable, you lifted a hand to fix Alastor's slightly damp locks, adjusting his glasses and tie. Alastor froze, a foreign sensation enveloping him. Despite his typical aversion to physical contact, there was an absence of the usual recoil in disdain this time.
"Looks like we're both a bit of a mess, aren't we?" you chuckled, a wry smile playing on your lips as you gracefully brushed away a speck of dust from his shirt.
Alastor blinked and eventually relaxed, allowing you to proceed without any resistance. "Quite."
While you continued to fix him up, Alastor couldn't help but feel a sense of bewilderment. He felt as though coils had entwined themselves around his heart. Slowly constricting, they didn't just tighten but twisted, sharp edges digging into muscle, squeezing his emotions into a thick syrup that spilled beyond the confines of his ribs, seeping out in a haunting shade of crimson through the cracks in his chest.
As the seconds passed, he paid no mind to your touch, shifting his focus to instead dissect you with his eyes. He scrutinized the subtle reactions playing across your face—the delicate twitches of your brows, the soft pout of your blood-red lips, and the scrunches of your nose.
What were you doing to him?
"There you go!" you announced, a note of satisfaction in your voice as you finished your task, your hand coming to rest briefly on his chest before retreating. "Ready to head back?"
Snapping out of his obsessive trance, Alastor emitted a soft hum, offering his arm to you. You gracefully accepted, intertwining your arm with his. The energetic atmosphere from the dance gradually subsided as you and Alastor made your way back to the private booth. Mimzy's mischievous grin awaited you as she rejoined your company.
"Looks like you two had quite the time!" she exclaimed, a twinkle in her eye.
Alastor quickly composed himself, nodding with a grin. "Indeed! It was quite a delightful dance."
Just as Alastor turned toward you, the insistent dings of a nearby clock echoed through the room. His expression shifted, a fleeting shadow of disappointment and ire crossing his face. The hours had danced away quicker than he had anticipated.
Undoubtedly, the night was still young for you, given that speakeasies often extended their festivities until the early hours of the morning.
However, as much as Alastor would adore the idea of continuing to enjoy your company, the weight of responsibilities at home tugged at him. He had his elderly mother waiting, relying on his care for her well-being, as well as an upcoming morning shift at the radio station.
"It's later than I realized, my dear," he admitted, his voice carrying a touch of regret. "I'm afraid I can't stay any longer. Duty calls, and the dawn awaits for my return."
Something twisted and snapped in Alastor's gut as he observed the unmistakable disappointment etched across your features, evident in the downturn of your blood-red lips. His fingers itched with an impulse to claw your mouth back into a smile, to dig his nails into your skin and carve your lips into a grotesque display of happiness, all in a desperate attempt to restore the radiance of your joy.
Meanwhile, Mimzy sighed in disappointment, yet Alastor discerned that beneath the theatrics, she was indifferent to it all, evident in her thinly veiled disinterest.
"Aww… That's too bad, sugar! The night's just gettin' started!" Mimzy exclaimed, shaking her head with a pout.
"But I get it! Some folks got places to be," Mimzy waved it off. There was a sudden twinkle in her eye as she pulled out a tab from her dress pocket. "Anyways, 'bout those drinks you had, they weren't exactly on the house, sooo..."
Alastor chuckled and pulled out his wallet. "Of course, my dear! I apologize, it must not have crossed my mind!"
He settled the bill and threw in a generous tip, for both you and Mimzy. His job as a radio host was quite the money-spinner, affording him the pleasure of treating others to the finer things in life. Mimzy practically glowed with satisfaction, her blue eyes sparkling as she snatched the tab. Swift and efficient, she flipped through the bills, before pocketing the money.
"Thank you, love!" Mimzy chirped, already moving away from the table as she waved him off. "You're welcome anytime!"
“I’m sure I am,” Alastor responded flatly, almost mockingly, with a roll of his eyes, pulling a laugh from you. As Mimzy made her way off backstage, both you and Alastor were left alone.
“It's a shame you have to leave so soon. I've got more songs up my sleeve for later. I would have loved for you to stay and catch the performance,” you sighed, turning back to him.
Alastor's eyes sparkled with genuine interest. "Songs, you say? Well, cher, that does sound like a delightful experience. Perhaps I can catch your next show some other time."
You smiled, appreciating his enthusiasm. "I'd love that. I perform here regularly, and your company would be more than welcome anytime."
Alastor's gaze intensified, fixing onto you with a magnetic pull that seemed to draw you closer despite yourself. His eyes, pools of darkness, held an unexplainable intensity. As his lips curled up into a grin, there was a hint of something more primal than human lurking behind his charming facade. A shiver traced its way down your spine, leaving behind a lingering sensation that unsettled you to your core.
"I'll definitely make it a point to come by," he finally said.
Scrambling for a response, the only sound that reached your ears was the rhythmic thud of your own heartbeat as your blood rushed through your veins.
"Y-You too! Don't let the night slip away too quickly," you stammered.
With a nod, Alastor bid you a final farewell, weaving through the dimly lit space towards the exit.
Yes, he shall see you very soon.
Cher - Louisiana Creole term meaning "darling," "sweetie" or "honey."
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