#unhinged sex ed
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ABANDON YOUR GODS!
SMOSHCENTRAL | TOP CHARACTERS Mr. Grub
#smosh#smoshedit#damien haas#smoshcharacters#let's do this#every blank ever#unhinged sex ed#multi#how to cheat on any test#every substitute teacher ever#main#by perry#usertj#useralii#janielook#usermimsi#emolgana#ours
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While some countries gatekeep sex ed like it's the worst that could happen to young people, there are countries like Finland which every year choose an artist who's super popular amongst teens and young people to perform a song about summer, sex and using a condom.
Am I joking?
I definitely am not.
This is an annual campaign held in collaboration with the Finnish Red Cross, Family Federation of Finland, Cancer Society of Finland, and a radio station YleX (one of the major radio stations of the Finnish Broadcasting Company Yle with a target group of 15-34 year old listeners) which started in 1996. The songs usually become super big summer hits and play on the radio all summer long. The campaign also features themed "kesäkumi" condoms being handed out at festivals and events throughout summer. The campaign encourages young people to prevent the spread of STDs and informs/encourages them to safe sex through the use of condoms, thus the name Kesäkumi which means "summer rubber" in Finnish.
And what are the lyrics of the songs about? Literally about having safe sex in the summer heat and using the "summer rubber" to stay safe lmao.
Some countries are just vibing to a different tune I guess.
#finland being unhinged again#gotta love it#gotta love them#finland#suomi#suomitumppu#sex education#sex ed#european things
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I'm watching Bluey for the first time and I'm just. Fucking speechless. Like I knew the show was good but I genuinely didn't expect it to be as amazing as it is. Like nothing's perfect but Bluey is as close as it gets. I have so many thoughts about this show but the main one I have right now is...
Bandit and Chilli are shown to consistently and actively play with their kids. WHAT OTHER MEDIA HAS EVER SHOWN THIS?? PLEASE THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PARENTS. THIS SHOW IS ONE GIANT GUIDE ON HOW TO BE A GOOD PARENT. T-T
#bluey#please why is this show so fucking good#THE WAY THEY CALLED OUT SHITTY SEX ED IN THE STATES ISTG#THE WAY THEY CALL OUT IRRESPONSIBLE PHONE-ADDICTED PARENTS#THIS SHOW IS WHOLESOME AND UNHINGED AND PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AS FUCK
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Shoto Todoroki x Reader | First Kiss ❄️🔥💋 PART 4
Part 1: Linked Here | Part 2: Linked Here | Part 3: Linked Here
Fandom: My Hero Academia
Ship: Shoto Todoroki x Fem Reader! 💋
Genre: Fluff, Romance, S*xual Tension, Making Out, Smut
CW: MDNI!, A18+, kissing, romance, sexual tension, spicy scenes, lemon
Link to My Master List
“Sir, UA has such a strict and well-planned curriculum. What could possibly have been “neglected” by the faculty and staff?”
Aizawa smirks at Ida as if the young Engine hero has made a particularly funny joke. He looks out at the class and takes a deep breath before his next statement:
“This afternoon Recovery Girl and Midnight will be joining us as we discuss a crucial topic. We are going to walk you through an Intro to our Sex Ed curriculum.”
The class is silent. Then, a hiss rises from the back right of the classroom.
“Yesssss. Yesss! Finally! You’re finally granting permission for us to appreciate all of the gorgeous ladies in our class! It’s my time to shine - ” Mineta’s unhinged chattering is silenced when Mr. Aizawa easily wraps him in his capture gear.
“Does anyone else have an inappropriate comment to share?” The teacher asks lazily. The class says nothing. Mineta whimpers pathetically beneath the layers of binding cloth and Erase rHead ignores him.
There’s a bright knock at the classroom entrance. Before anyone can answer, the large door flies open to reveal UA staff members Midnight and Recovery Girl. As usual, Midnight is sparkling with energy, smiling devilishly at the class as she glides into the room. Recovery Girl has less flare as she steps into the classroom – her movements are quiet and stiff. The wrinkles on her face tell stories of a lifetime of hero work.
“Hello, Class.” The school nurse says as she stands before them all. “I’m so sorry we didn’t get to this conversation at the beginning of the year. There’s just been so much chaos and injury lately surrounding UA, we weren’t able to prioritize the Sex Ed curriculum the way we normally do.” She beams at them, looking pleased to be out of the infirmary for once.
Midnight sweeps her arms out dramatically. “Your changing hormones are no doubt running rampant! We’re here to tame you little demons. Let me dominate this conversation and teach you the true meaning of pleasure.”
Mineta groans audibly from within his binding cocoon, and a look of disgust flashes across Mr. Aizawa’s face.
“Settle down, Midnight.” He turns to address the class at large. “As part of the curriculum we will have monthly Sex Ed & Health seminars run by Midnight, Recover Girl and me. During these sessions we will discuss the basics surrounding reproduction, consent, and safety. We will also split into small groups where you can feel more comfortable to ask potentially embarrassing questions.”
“To kick things off for today, we’re not going to give you the classic “your bodies are changing” lecture you get in middle school. Instead, we’re going to set some ground rules for living in a shared dorm space with classmates your age.” Mr. Aizawa shifts on his feet and looks over at Recover Girl, prompting her to take over.
The elderly hero shuffles up to the front of the class and grins up at them through thick coke bottle glasses. “Here’s the deal, kids. We realize that you all live on the campus and that your scholarly lives overlap with your home lives in a new and unique way. This is a unique situation, and we ask that you do your best to prioritize your studies and your health at all times. If you find yourselves struggling with your mental or physical health, we ask that you speak to one of us and we can create a plan together to help you get on track.”
“Additionally, we’re expecting you to be respectful of each other’s personal space. You all share a dorm, so between class and dorm life you will be together 24/7. This can be fun since you’re fairly friendly with each other, but eventually there will likely be conflict and disputes. Please come to us for help mediating any tough living situations, we are more than happy to step in and help you sort through challenging relationships.”
“And speaking of challenging relationships…” Midnight cuts in, tossing her thick purple hair over her shoulder as she squares up to the class. “Let’s talk about dating.”
At this point, most of the class’s faces are bright red. The room’s vibe has shifted from curious to uncomfortable and awkward.
“Most of you are 16 now, and understandably you may start to take notice of your classmates in new ways. You may want to explore relationships beyond friendship.” Midnight winks at your class meaningfully. “You are all independent young adults and we can’t control how you feel about one another. But unfortunately, we will be enforcing a strict no dating policy this year.”
“What!?” Mina and Toru cry out in unison. Midnight’s mouth quirks into a sad smile and she looks over at the girls. “Sorry, ladies. We have never had a dorm program before, so there is still much to figure out. Obviously we aren’t going to monitor you all 24/7. But we are going to trust that you are all being appropriate in the dorms and respectful of each other. And that means no dating and no physical relationships between students.” You feel your ears burning at those words, you wish you could look over to see Shoto’s reaction. Thankfully, you’re sure that he’s got his typical stoic look plastered on his face.
“Rest assured, there will be plenty of time in your life for dating and exploring your sexuality with consenting partners. But for now – you are all students first. Focus on making this year at UA count. Learn all you can and grow into strong, supple young heroes.”
Recovery Girl chimes in, a sweet smile on her face. “Despite our zero tolerance policy surrounding dating and physical relationships between students, we will be educating you on the finer points of consent, protection and building healthy relationships in our monthly seminars.”
Mr. Aizawa releases his hold on Mineta and drags himself back to the front of the classroom alongside his fellow educators. “Please remember – you are all minors. We want to reinforce that relationships with adults are strictly forbidden. If any adult approaches you inappropriately at an internship, at an agency or in public we implore you to report it to us so we can deal with it and keep you safe. Many people around Japan know who you are due to the televised broadcast of the sport’s festival. I’m not saying this to scare you – but I want you to be aware that your faces are fairly well known and not every fan that approaches you has good intentions.” He rearranges his binding scarf around his shoulders before looking back out at his class.
“Are there any questions?” Mr. Aizawa scans the room with interest. You turn your head to see if anyone is raising their hand. To your surprise, Shoto’s arm is in the air.
“Yes, Todoroki.” Midnight calls on him, pointing at him with her wildly inappropriate tiny leather whip. “What’s your question?”
“I don’t understand.” Shoto says in his typical flat tone. “You’re going to teach us about sex but you don’t want us to have it?”
And just like that, the tension in the room breaks. The entire class is laughing out loud.
“I’m serious.” Shoto says blankly, not understanding the giggles surrounding him. “Shouldn’t we be executing practical examples of the knowledge we’re learning? Isn’t that how our training works?” Shoto’s brow is creased a bit in obvious frustration, but this just makes everyone laugh even harder. Even Bakugo is joining in at this point.
“Why Icy Hot – you tryin’ to get laid!?” Katsuki cackles out, adding to the chaos.
“Quiet.” Mr. Aizawa’s quirk activates, his hair rising up into the air intimidatingly. The laughter fades quickly. The teacher decides to take mercy on Shoto. “We’re going to give you knowledge and background on these subjects so that if you do eventually want to have a physical relationship after graduation, you’ll be able to do it safely.”
“Think of it this way.” Midnight says, putting a finger to her chin as she talks it through. “We’ll be teaching you Sex Ed theory. Later on in life you can use what you’ve learned and practically apply that theory.”
Shoto still seems a little miffed, but finds this answer acceptable.
“Any other questions?” Recovery Girl prompts.
Mina raises her bright pink hand. “Are the other years allowed to date? Or is it just our year?”
“That’s a good question.” Recovery Girl says encouragingly. “As of right now, dating and relationships are off limits for all course levels. However, we have made a few exceptions for members of the senior class who have recently turned 18 and are in good standing with their grades and internships.”
“Isn’t the age of consent in Japan 16?” Kaminari raises his hand but doesn’t wait to be called on. “Most of us here are 16 – why can’t we date?”
“This is what we have decided on as a faculty. You will abide by these rules.” Mr. Aizawa says firmly, causing Kaminari to shrink back into his chair. “Any other questions?”
No one else raises their hand. “Thanks for the time everyone. You all know where to find me!” Recovery Girl waves kindly at everyone as she makes her exit.
Midnight cocks her hip and waves her leather whip around one final time, signaling an end to their awkward discussion. “Thanks for listening, class! I’m excited to take this journey of physical maturation with you all.” And with that, she leaves as well.
Mr. Aizawa looks out at them all, clearly exhausted. He lifts his arm and reveals a small clicker in his hand. He hits the combination of buttons that open up their hero costume closet. “Alright, everyone – get changed and meet at the gym for combat training. It’s going to be a long afternoon.”
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Combat training is exhausting as per usual. It’s so intense that you don’t have the headspace to really mull over all that Aizawa, Midnight and Recover Girl have told you. One big question does eat away at your nerves, though – given the class wide dating ban, will Shoto want things between the two of you to end?
During the training class, Shoto doesn’t even glance your way. You ignore him in kind, focusing all your energy on your sparring matches with Tsu and Ochaco. The whole afternoon is intense, your body quickly becoming sore from all the movement. When the bell rings to signal the end of classes, you’re immensely grateful. You troop to the locker room with the other girls and indulge in a long, hot shower.
You have a quick dinner in Class A’s dorm with the rest of your class, scarfing down some leftovers as you complete some homework at one of the many kitchen tables. Shoto sits down next to you with his own meal and textbooks.
He makes a show of setting up his homework – opening his textbooks slowly and laying out all of his pens on the table between the two of you. As he sets out a pencil, he purposefully flicks it so that it rolls into your bowl of soup. You look up at him in surprise and he flashes you a gentle smile, moving his hand to grab the rogue writing implement. He touches his pinkie to yours for a few seconds as he scoops up the pencil. The light touch sends electricity up your arm and you quickly pull it away.
You know that Shoto did it purposefully by the way he smirks at your reaction. You work quietly next to each other for the next hour, studying in parallel. It feels strangely intimate and strange – it’s almost like in studying next to each other, you’re flaunting your secret for all to see. Part of you keeps waiting for Shoto to turn to you and ask to review the day’s earlier Sex Ed discussion, but he keeps his head down in his work.
After an hour or so he packs up his books and gets ready to leave. Before he does so, he glances around to ensure that everyone else is occupied before he reaches towards you and draws a small star in the corner of your notebook page. A moment later, he’s gone – marching back to his dorm room with his stack of books and writing instruments.
You stare down at the tiny star, a smile pulling at your lips. You’re not sure exactly what Shoto intended the star to mean. But you’re sure as hell that if Shoto was breaking off your little hookup arrangement, he wouldn’t take the time to scribble a sweet doodle in the margins of your notebook. Maybe you should just text him and ask what he wants to do – what he thinks? You shake your head to clear it before diving back into your English homework.
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A few hours later, you end your evening in Mina’s room.
You and Mina are huddled on the floor around Toru, who is drawing out a battle plan on a small white board.
“Alright.” Toru says, concentrating. “Here’s a list of all the supplies we would need to throw a totally-rad-top-secret-awesome party. And here are all of the variables we will need to figure out in order to pull it off in secret – distracting Mr. Vlad King is going to be our biggest challenge. Ugh, and then there’s Monoma. We’re gonna need to keep him from blowing up our spot again this time.”
Mina grabs the dry erase marker from Toru’s hand and quickly crosses Monoma off of the list. “He won’t be a problem this time around.”
You give Mina a questioning look. She waves you off. “We’ll get to that in a minute. Let’s focus on party supplies first. We will need to pick up soft drinks, chips and snacks. We can ask someone to grab paper goods like cups, plates, napkins, etcetera…ooo we should ask Sato to make some sweets!”
“Do you really think the whole class is going to be up for this? They’re all still way pissed about the curfew rule.” You ask skeptically.
“I’ve started asking around on the down low.” Toru chimes in, drawing some hearts stars in the corners of the white board. “So far everyone is pretty interested. I think the class needs a break to blow off some steam. Our course load has been so crazy lately, it’s been a while since we were last able to have some fun as a group.”
“Who did you ask?” You’re curious.
“Despite some initial hesitance, Ochaco and Tsu are in. They convinced YaMomo to come as well. I think she even said she’d bring some tea or something. Midoriya is all in, too – he’s going to work on getting the class rep to be cool with everything. Shoto and Tokoyami said they’d show up if it happened, but they weren’t too keen on helping with the planning process. Sero and Kirishima said they can help us with any heavy lifting. That’s it so far – I’m going to keep spreading the word tomorrow.” She notes all of the people who have expressed interest down on her white board.
“What about Minetta?” Mina asks, making a clear yuck face. “Like, I know he’s a member of our class. But lately he’s been extra gross.”
“Ugh…yeah we kinda have to invite him, don’t we?” You say, thinking back to a time earlier in the month when Minetta tried to smack your ass in the cafeteria. “He’s the worst.”
You’re distracted when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. It’s Shoto. You turn to read your phone so that the others can’t easily see the screen.
Shoto: Hey Y/N. I have been thinking a lot about the Sex Ed class today. I’m concerned that by continuing together we’re breaking the rules.
Y/N: Yeah, I was thinking the same.
Shoto: To be honest, I don’t really care about the rules. I think we should do it anyway.
You smile and warmth bubbles up your chest.
Y/N: I’m in if you’re in.
Shoto: I'm in 💯.
You set the phone down, trying to ensure you’re not smiling an unnatural amount.
It buzzes a second time. You flip it over, expecting another text from Shoto. Instead, you’re surprised to find a message from Honenuki.
Honenuki: Hey Y/N! Check out this song, it’s been a favorite of mine lately.
You click on the link and it immediately takes you to a YouTube video for an old 1960s song. “Some Kind of Wonderful” by the Drifters. You hastily click pause before the song can buffer and start playing.
Y/N: Can’t wait to check it out!! Here’s one I’ve been listening to.
You shoot back a Spotify link to the latest Sabrina Carpenter song and put your phone back on the ground.
Honenuki: Sweet, I’ll take a listen!
“Oooo who’s texting you, Y/N!?” Toru puts down the white board so you can all get a clear view of it. She reaches for your phone but you snatch it away before she can grab it.
“No one crazy. Just Honenuki from earlier.”
You now have Toru and Mina’s full attention. “Whaaaaat!?” They both cry out, scrambling over each other to get closer to you.
“What did he say!?”
“Did he ask you out?”
“Is he confessing?”
“OMG does he want you to sneak out of our dorm and over to Class B’s so he can make sweet love to you!?”
This last comment from Mina brings you all to silence. And then you break into a fit of giggles.
“No, guys, its not like that! He’s just nice!”
“Ok, ok. We believe you.” Toru waves Mina’s comment off with invisible hands. “And its not like any of us can pursue a fated romance anyway. Not with the new “rules” that have been announced by Mr. Aizawa, Recovery Girl and Miss Midnight earlier today.
Mina rolls her eyes. “Yeah what the hell was that about? It really feels like these extra Sex Ed classes came out of nowhere.”
“Hmmm.” Toru caps her dry erase marker and presses it to her unseen lips. “I wonder if something happened to trigger this response from the teachers. Do you think people in one of the first year classes are actually dating?”
Your stomach drops.
Mina gasps. “Oh my GOD! Do you think someone we know has been having sex!?” She shrieks out, and you and Toru shush her.
“Absolutely not!” Toru flails her arms around for good measure.
“There’s no way.” You say with a shaky laugh. You try to keep your face from flushing. A thought hits you. “And even if people were…doing sexual stuff…how would the teachers know?”
“Maybe someone got caught!” Mina declares, her antennae twitching thoughtfully. “Think about it…maybe a couple was sneaking around in the dorms and one of the teachers caught them banging on campus during a faculty patrol.”
“That would be so scandalous!” Toru yelps.
Your mind is whirring at 100 miles per hour. Did your teachers find out about your little rendezvous with Shoto Todoroki!? The timing seems so suspicious. You try to think back to the past 24 hours – had you left any clues? Had you been too loud? Your mind is in free-fall as you recall the way that Mr. Aizawa had knocked on Shoto’s dorm room door while the two of you were wrapped up in a compromising embrace.
You take a few calming breaths and try to snap yourself out of it. Really…even through Mr. Aizawa had knocked on Shoto’s locked door, how could he have possibly known what you and Shoto were up to on the other side of it? These new school policies had to be totally unrelated and a coincidence. Besides – it wasn’t a crime to be in another classmate’s room. Even if Mr. Aizawa had heard your voice from within Shoto’s dorm, there wasn’t any evidence that you and the youngest Todoroki were up to anything nefarious.
“Ok we are definitely going to investigate this whole situation further.” Mina grabs a hot pink post-it note and sharpie off her desk and returns to the floor. She peels off the top note and writes on it with big block letters: “Who’s Hooking Up At UA?” she sticks the post-it to the wall beside her desk alongside a few other notes listing out projects like “Master Ultimate Move” and “Ace Next Math Test.”
“This has become a mission of utmost importance. The UA tea must be spilled.” She says wisely.
You feign interest and nod in agreement as Toru lets out an affirmative “mhmm!”
At this exact moment, you wonder if you should tell your friends everything about you and Shoto and your steamy hookups. If you tell them now, you’re sure that they will help you figure out if Mr. Aizawa and the staff know that you’ve been intimately engaging with Todoroki. Mina and Toru are absolute masters of gossip and know exactly which strings to pull to get intel. They’re going to make amazing heroes one day, especially Toru with her insane stealth skills.
But no. It feels safer to keep it to yourself. Everything that’s happened – specifically Mr. Aizawa and Endeavor knocking on the door while you’re half naked and moaning in Shoto’s arms – is so totally embarrassing. You can’t bare the thought of explaining the whole situation to your two friends. Would they laugh? What if someone were to overhear? You think to all of the heroes in training with hearing and stealth-based quirks running around the school. Privacy was so hard to come by, it was so easy for it to be compromised. Now the boundaries that Mr. Aizawa had spoken about earlier this morning are stating to make sense to you. You’re all living in such close quarters and respecting each other’s privacy and personal space really should be paramount.
The real question on your mind is this – if you and Shoto continue to smooch in secret, how will you avoid getting caught? The entire student body is likely on high alert, looking for any potential transgressions surrounding the no dating rule.
“I wonder how the other classes are feeling about all these new rules?” You muse.
“We’ll know soon enough.” Mina says, checking her phone. “Actually, we’ll know in 2 minutes.”
“What do you mean?” You ask, nervous at her tone. Toru uncaps her dry erase marker and scribbles down a few more notes on the white board.
There’s an unexpected knock on the door that causes you and Toru to jump.
“The key to all of our plans has arrived.” Mina hops to her feet and scampers across the small dorm room. “Ladies, I present to you our secret weapon.”
She opens the door and reveals the last person you’d expect to be in the Class A dorm – Nieto Monoma.
Monoma stands in the doorway, tall and annoyingly handsome. He’s smiling genuinely and you’re surprised to see him looking so…normal. Typically when he’s within speaking distance of any Class A students he’s a loose cannon.
He smiles down at you and Toru, eyes flickering over to the white board. Toru reflexively moves to cover the plans with her arms, but being invisible it doesn’t do much to deter Monoma’s gaze.
“Hello ladies.” He says in that slippery tone of his. You’ve never seen Nieto in casual wear before. Tonight he’s wearing soft black sweatpants along with a grey band logo crewneck. When he’s acting like a normal human being, his face is actually quite attractive. His long blonde bangs fall gracefully across wide grey eyes in a graceful aristocratic way that reminds you a bit of Shoto. “I heard we’re going to get into some trouble together tonight.”
“Nope. Absolutely not.” You turn and glare at Mina, shooting her your best “WTF” expression.
“Mina! We can’t trust him – he ratted us out last time!” Toru says angrily, still unsuccessfully attempting to keep the whiteboard of plans out of site.
Monoma’s face creases into a frown. “Yeah…about that…”
Mina shushes him and beckons him into the small dorm room. She checks to make sure no one is out in the hall before closing the door soundly and turning the lock. She means business.
Monoma joins the three of you on the floor around the white board. In his dark attire, he looks very out of place among Mina’s hot pink room decor. Mina waits for everyone to get situated before speaking.
“Monoma is sorry. He reached out to me last week to formally apologize to us for tattling on our last party.” Mina says, straightforward and to the point. “He wants in on our next big bash.”
“What’s with this sudden change of heart?” You ask skeptically, crossing your arms as you survey Monoma’s face. He looks embarrassed, maybe even guilty as he meets your eyes.
“Well, you see - ” Monoma starts to speak, but Mina cuts him off with a quick wave of her hand.
“Let me do the talking, blondie.” She shuts him up. “Girls, this time around Monoma can’t rat us out – not now that we have leverage.” She grins at you and Toru. “There’s something that Nieto here desperately wants. Something that only the three of us can provide at this time. And in exchange for that thing, Monoma is going to keep Mr. Vlad King out of our hair.”
“He can do that?” Toru says doubtfully.
“He can.” Mina says confidently, turning to the blonde intruder with a grin. “Okay, now you can apologize to them, Monoma.”
The Class B menace shifts uncomfortably on the floor, eyes slightly downcast. “Look, I know it was shitty of me to report you guys last time. I shouldn’t have - ”
“Yes it was shitty! We have a stupid curfew now because of you!” Toru bursts out, clearly pissed that her time is being wasted listening to Monoma.
“I know and I’m sorry!” He actually looks sincere. You wonder what the “leverage” Mina mentioned could be to make him act like a regular human being capable of remorse. “I was jealous of your class and the party and I didn’t think things through before I went to Mr. King. After I told him I…well, I regretted it immediately.” He hangs his head in shame and his regret actually feels sincere. His long blonde bangs cover his eyes and he stares at the ground, waiting for you all to speak.
“We would have invited Class B had we known you were interested. But we were under the, ugh, impression that some of you hated us so we didn’t even think to reach out about the party.” You say, feeling a tiny bit sympathetic at the way Monoma’s head is miserably flopped over. “Honestly we didn’t think our whole plan through last time, which is why it was so easy for the whole thing to fall apart.”
There’s a pause. Toru chimes in “Yeah, we definitely could have thought our plans through more. But your hatred for our class contributed to the disaster.”
“I don’t hate your class.” Monoma says slowly, feeling out his words. “I’m just…jealous of all the attention you guys get from the media and from the teachers. I thought that was pretty obvious. We’ve all worked so hard to get here; I thought that once I got to UA it would be an even playing field. But so often it feels like Class A gets preferential treatment.”
“I can see how you would feel that way.” Toru says stiffly, still unwilling to trust Monoma. “That’s a reasonable feeling. But you could have just tried to get to know us instead of acting like such an asshole all the time! We don’t want Class A to always be in the spotlight the way it is. Surely you see that.”
Monoma sighs. “For the past year I’ve really let my insecurities rule the way I act towards other people. And it’s made me an absolute dick. Look, guys, I’m legitimately sorry and I really want to help you make this party thing work. I’d understand if you don’t trust me and if you don’t want me involved. But please give me a second chance.”
You look at him distrustfully. “You’re saying all the right things, pretty boy. But what I really want to know – what’s this supposed “leverage” that we have over you here? How can we guarantee you’re not trying to lull us into a false sense of security so that you can eventually betray us?”
Mina grins. “Do you want to tell them, Monoma? Or should I?”
Nieto blushes, patches of scarlet bloom on his pale cheeks. “W-well…Mina said she could do something for me. Something I haven’t had the courage to try to do on my own - ”
“Spit it out.” Toru says, clearly reveling in his discomfort. “We don’t have all day.”
“R-right.” Monoma takes a deep breath, trying to regain his usual swagger. “There are two things that I want. The last time I reported your little scheme was because I was jealous I wasn’t invited. So obviously this time around I’d like Class B to be part of the party. And the second thing I’d like – a chance at a kiss.”
“You sound crazy.” You smirk at him. But you glance over at Mina and she nods at him, encouraging him to continue.
“So I figured as a more formal apology I could help you all pull off this party. I can distract Mr. Vlad King and make sure you don’t get caught. And in exchange, you could invite my class and give me a turn at Spin the Bottle.”
This is a lot to digest. You’ve never heard Monoma speak so rationally before, and you still fear it’s some kind of elaborate ruse. Also…he’s interested in your game of Spin the Bottle!? Weird.
“So who do you want to kiss?” Toru asks, a giggle bubbling up. “…Kendo!?”
Monoma looks away, embarrassed.
“Nope, that’s not it.” You say, grinning at Monoma’s obvious embarrassment. “If you don’t tell us, we have no shot at making it happen for you.”
“It’s Hitoshi Shinso.” Mina says knowingly, crossing her arms. “You want us to rig spin the bottle so that you’ll be able to kiss Shinso.”
You and Toru gasp and Monoma’s cheeks get red again. He covers his face with his hands, hiding himself from sight.
“Shinso!?” You and Toru cry out in shock. Monoma looks up at you all, his eyes wide. He’s got that unhinged look that you’ve come to expect from him during training exercises.
“Of course it’s Shinso!” Monoma bursts out – he’s back to his usual self. “He’s a goddamn wonder! He’s the only member of your class that truly deserves the prestige that Class A seems to exude!”
“Dial it back, dude.” Mina admonishes, and Monoma comes back to himself.
“Listen. At this point, you guys have been around me in our joint training sessions enough times to know that I can be…challenging as a classmate and as a friend. Shinso doesn’t treat me like I’m some kind of burden or freak. Over the past semester, he’s become one of my closest friends. He’s kind and thoughtful and brave. Jeez, I have such a massive crush on him, I’m not even sure what to do at this point.”
He rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment but continues on. “I overheard you all talking about your crazy ‘spin the bottle’ plan last month and its been stuck in my brain ever since. It would be the perfect way for me to organically be affectionate with Shinso. I don’t have the courage to confess my feelings to him on my own, and I thought that maybe… well maybe if the two of us kissed, then I could finally know how he feels about me. I could see if we’re more than friends.”
“Anyway I really shouldn’t have ratted you out to the teachers, that wasn’t cool. You have my sincere apologies.”
“What’s in it for us, Phantom Thief?” You cross your arms.
“Monoma is going to help keep Mr. Vlad King off of our trail. He and Class B are going to cause a diversion that will keep any teachers away from our party for a few golden hours. And a few members of Class B want to come to the party, of course.”
“How long have you been working through this Mina?” Toru asks in awe.
“Monoma and I started chatting about it after he ruined out last party. I went to confront him about being such an asshole, and he actually apologized immediately.”
“Now how are we going to guarantee a kiss between Shinso and Monoma?” You wonder aloud to your friends.
Mina gives her trademark toothy grin. “Leave that to me.”
You survey him, still untrusting. “We’ll think about it. But first, I want some intel.” He looks up at you curiously – he clearly wasn’t expecting this.
“So what does Class B think about the whole Sex Ed thing and these new rules? Where do you think this is all stemming from? Tell us what you know.”
“Hm.” He smirks at the three of you. “Alright.” Monoma launches into a detailed description of his day. It sounds extremely similar to your own experience - Midnight and Recovery Girl had joined Class B for a similar talk during their morning courses. Class B was just as shocked by the Sex Ed discussions and the new dating rules as Class A. According to Monoma, there are a handful of couples within the class that have been dating for a while. He wonders aloud if maybe the new dating rules are specifically targeted at them.
“People in Class B are hooking up!?” Toru gasps at the tea. “Who!?”
Apparently Shihai Kuroiro and Kinoko Komori have been dating for quite a few months, and Kosei Tsuburaba and Sen Kalibara have some kind of sexual tension situation going on where they might be dating in secret but no one is truly sure. Oh and Setsuna dated Rin for a while, but they broke up and it was a whole dramatic thing. I think she’s started going out with Reiko now.”
You are shocked at the amount of dating drama Monoma is describing amongst Class B’s members. You instantly feel relieved, realizing that the dating ban can’t possible be about you and Shoto. It’s clearly a response to Class B’s previously uninhibited horniness.
“So are they all stopping now that the dating ban has been put into place?” Mina asks, clearly loving all of the intel.
“I think for the most part everyone is just going to continue on with whatever they’re doing. Everyone will just be a little more careful in front of the teachers and staff.” Monoma says thoughtfully. “I’m sure these rules are more about Class B than Class A – I don’t think I’ve heard anything about dating in your class?”
“Nope.” Mina provides helpfully. “No relationships that we know of at least. There’s definitely tension between certain members of our class. And we’re absolutely going to see if we can play on that tension with our Spin the Bottle pairings.”
“Mina, we can’t control who kisses who in Spin the Bottle. That’s the whole point of the game – the unpredictability of it all!” Toru says in shock.
“Oh so you’re saying you don’t want to kiss Ojiro?” Mina smirks at your friend.
“I’m not saying that.” Toru amends. “But there’s no way for us to pull the strings with this game. We’re at the mercy of the bottle!”
“Like I said earlier…leave that to me.” Mina winks.
When he’s acting like a normal person, Monoma isn’t actually all that bad. He’s actually pretty genius when it comes to strategy. Toru passes her white board over to him and he assesses your plan so far.
“What do you think?” Toru asks. Your current plan to distract Mr. Vlad King relies on a series of continuously unhinged prank calls that will divert him to different parts of the campus over the course of two hours. It’s not a great plan, but it’s the best you all have come up with in the past half hour.
“It’s a start, but I have a much better plan.” He reaches out his hand for the dry erase marker. Toru hands it over easily. He uses the palm of his hand to erase out a corner of free space. He draws two squares and marks the “Class A” and “Class B.” He then sketches out another rectangular shape to represent the faculty and staff living quarters. “We’ll need to intercept Mr. King in between the faculty building and the student dorm buildings. I can run up to Mr. King and tell him that I have an urgent issue that I need his help with. I’ll lead him away from the dorm buildings and towards the combat training facilities.”
“What will you tell him?” Mina asks, leaning forward on her elbows.
“I’m going to say that a student from Class A went to do some solo training at night and ended up getting himself into trouble. Then I’ll point him in that direction before returning to the Class B dorms.”
“What student from Class A will be the diversion?” You wonder aloud.
Monoma’s smile sparkles in the light of Mina’s fairy lights. “Minoru Mineta.”
-----------------------------------------
The week goes by faster than you anticipated. You get pulled back into the whirlwind of UA life – classes, tests, training, studying. It’s all so much and sometimes you feel like you can barely breathe. You’re so busy you barely have time to grab a private moment with Shoto.
Late on Wednesday night, you’re lounging in the common area with Mina, Ochaco and Tsu studying for an upcoming English exam. You’re starting to get sleepy when you receive a text:
Shoto: Hey Y/N. Up for a quick study session?
You smile, knowing that he probably means he wants to hookup. You feel pretty prepared for the upcoming test and are caught up on all of your homework…so why not?
Y/N: Absolutely. Meet in my room in 10?
Shoto: See you then.
You make some lame excuse to your friends about needing beauty rest and hustle your way to your bedroom, tossing your book bag on the floor as you make sure everything is clean and tidy. Everything is in its place and your bed is made for once. You breathe a sigh of relief – Shoto is just so put together. It would be a little embarrassing for him to see your room in a messy state.
It’s been a few days since your last tryst with Shoto and between classwork and training those days feel like they’ve passed as months. Your body is exhausted from training but you feel jittery and horny at the thought of all the things Shoto will do to you when he arrives.
A moment later, there’s a knock. You wrench open your door with nervous, bubbling energy. You pull Shoto into your room and lock the door behind him soundly.
“You weren’t followed, right?” You whisper breathlessly as you loop your arms around his neck and move to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“This isn’t a spy movie, Y/N.” He winces as you kiss him, and you grimace as you notice a delicate bruise blooming on the side of his face from a rough training class. You step away to take him in – aside from the slight bruise on his face, he looks relatively unharmed. He’s wearing a pair of navy blue sweatpants paired with a plain grey t-shirt. The short sleeves of the shirt really show off his toned hero-in-training arms. His muscles bulge gently around the stack of books he’s cradling in his arms.
“What are the books for?” You ask curiously.
He looks at you, confused. “I thought we were studying.”
Oh. You face palm. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Shoto is so goddamn literal. You do like that about him – he tends to be mercifully straightforward and his motivations are easy to understand. He’s not cryptic like the other boys in your class - Kaminari who hides his nervousness behind flirtation or Bakugo whose true feelings are constantly masked behind aggression and death threats. No, Shoto is all softness and direct communication. You need to remember that.
“Shoto, I thought you wanted to do another kind of studying.” You waggle your eyebrows and wonder if he’ll catch on to your innuendo. He doesn’t.
“So you don’t want to prepare for the English test on Monday?” He asks, confusion coloring his voice. “I thought I was pretty clear that I wanted to study from the way I texted you.”
You facepalm.
“No, Shoto, I want to make out.” You state plainly.
“Oh. Oh!” Shoto tosses his books to the ground and grabs you by the waist, wrapping his arms around you as he dips to briefly connect your lips. He breaks the kiss and looks down at you, smiling softly. “We can make out.”
You roll your eyes playfully and reach up to cup his lovely face. “We can definitely study together later though.” You lean in and touch his lips with your own. He groans into your mouth, eager.
“I was looking for an excuse to hangout with you.” He admits in between kisses. “This is really nice, but I like spending time with you outside of physical intimacy. You know that, right?”
You smile into his lips. “I like that you’re so straightforward Shoto. But now I feel bad – do you want to actually study? I don’t want you to get a bad grade because of me.”
“No, I don’t really care about studying anymore.” He tightens his grip on your hips and turns you so that your back is against the door. He moves to kiss across your jawline, down your neck. His hands drift up to the hem of your shirt and he moves to pull it easily over your head.
“Holy fuck.” You breathe out as he presses you back into the solid wood door. His movements are gentle, but firm as he keeps you in place. He kisses down the expanse of your clavicle, letting his tongue roam smoothly across the tops of your breasts. He shifts to get down on his knees so that he can move his mouth across your stomach, kissing and licking the exposed skin there. He stops for a moment to take his phone out of his pocket and lay it on your desk before diving back into spreading kisses across your skin. Wherever his lips touch, he leaves a trail of goose bumps in his wake. He reaches up, up, up with his fingers so that he can wander the stretch of your bra–clad tits. He takes his time, smoothing fingertips over the cotton cups of your bra until he finds the places where your nipples lay underneath. He pinches lightly on the fabric and it’s enough to make you moan.
“Shh.” He whispers against your stomach, quieting you. It feels incredible, to have your body worshiped this way by Shoto. Each of his movements is so purposeful, so tender. You never want it to end.
“You promise you’re not going to fail English class due to my seductiony ways?” You ask weakly as he continues to kiss towards your belly button. Shoto laughs softly, a happy sound.
“I swear that pleasuring you isn’t going to ruin my grades. At least not yet. Can I take off your bra?” He asks quietly, bright eyes gazing up at you questioningly.
“Um, duh. Yeah you can take it off.” You say, wanting him to keep going. This pulls a grin out of Shoto’s typically serious face. The small bruise on his cheek crinkles along his smile lines. His hands slide up your body and around to your back. He fiddles with the clip to your bra for a few moments before managing to undo the clasp. He slides the straps down your shoulders, and slowly pulls the cotton fabric away from your body to reveal your perky breasts. The room is chillier than you thought, and your nipples harden as they are exposed to the crisp air conditioning. Shoto looks up at you with a look of awe.
“Incredible.” He breathes, before leaning up to take a nipple into his mouth. He swirls his tongue around your pert bud, eliciting another moan from your sweet mouth. He doesn’t bother to shush you this time, instead moving to knead at your other breast with his sure fingers while he uses his lips to suck on your nipple. He continues this for a while – using his mouth on both of your breasts and ensuring each gets equal attention. You bite your lip and try to keep quiet, running your fingers through his two toned hair and nodding encouragingly when he does something you like.
By the time he gets to his feet so he can kiss you on the mouth once more, you’re absolutely soaking wet. There’s a spark between your legs that you’re having a hard time ignoring. You need him in the absolute worst way.
“Sit in my desk chair.” You whine, pushing lightly at his chest so you can get away from the door.
“Hmm?” He says, clearly not listening. His eyes are hazy with desire as he looks at you.
“The chair.” You point. “Sit down.” He doesn’t ask any questions or argue, he walks over to the chair and takes a seat.
“Thank God.” You say as you walk over to him, tossing a leg over his lap so you can straddle him. You brace your hands on either side of Shoto, gripping the back of the chair as you make yourself comfortable. You lean down and capture his lips in a scorching kiss as you sit down, cowgirl style, on his lap. He’s so deliciously hard beneath you, and you’re thankfully both wearing sweatpants so the friction between you is buttery and smooth as you find the perfect angle to grind your pussy against him.
“Y’N.” Shoto groans out in surprise, there’s no way he could have anticipated this. He literally thought you two were going to study tonight. You grin and move your hips fluidly, grinding against his fat cock again. You’d do anything to satisfy the need that’s building up in your core.
“Shoto…Shoto put your hands on my - ” You don’t even need to finish your sentence, Shoto hears you loud and clear. He reaches for your breasts and plays with your nipples as you dry hump him on your desk chair.
“Ah! Yes!” You manage to say between gritted teeth. “Shoto, I think I’m gonna…”
He presses his lips to your own, essentially shutting you up as you bounce on his lap, grinding your way to an orgasm. He slides his hands down to your hips and helps guide your movements, shifting a bit beneath you. The new position presses the tip of his hard cock against your clit the next time your hips roll. Its wonderful and delightful and just the thing that pushes you over the edge. The orgasm hits you in a wave and you break away from Shoto’s lips so you can gasp in pleasure as you ride it out. Shoto is smiling at you, so open and genuine. He’s enjoying watching you get off – it shows on his face and in the way his cock twitches against you beneath a few layers of clothing.
When you finally come down from your high, you pull him into a hug and slump against his shoulder.
“Fuuuuck, Shoto.” You whisper, your breath slowing down. “That felt so good.” He brings his hand up slowly and traces an icy finger down your sweaty back. You feel your muscles relax beneath his touch.
“You’re incredible, Y/N. Thank you for that.” He says, voice tinged with something akin to awe.
You stifle a laugh. “You’re thanking me for cumming?”
“Thank you for being comfortable enough with me to do that. It means a lot.”
“Shoto, you are literally the sweetest.” You press a kiss to his soft cheek before slowly removing yourself from his lap. “Dang, between this morning’s practice and what we did just now…I am sore.” You find your shirt on the floor and throw it back on over your bare chest. You scoop up your bra from the floor and toss it in the hamper.
“Maybe I can help.” Shoto stands up from the chair and strolls over to your bed, hoisting himself up onto the tall mattress before beckoning you to join him.
“You’ve already helped me so much tonight.” You say, fluttering your lashes up at him until he blushes.
“Just get up here.” He pulls you up onto the mattress and into his lap so that your back is against his chest. You can feel he’s still a bit hard beneath your butt, but he seems to be ignoring his boner in favor of taking care of you. A true gentleman – Kirishima would be impressed.
“Where are you sore?” He asks, resting a hand on your waist.
“My lower back.” You point to the spot. Shoto lifts up your shirt and covers the sore muscles with his strong left hand. He spreads his fingers wide, covering as much surface area as possible before activating his quirk. His left hand slowly warms up like a hot compress. You feel his palm grow steadily warmer and you feel instant relief flood through your back, making you sleepy and comfortable.
“Shoto, this is heaven.” You praise, leaning your head back against his chest and letting your eyelids drop. He kisses the top of your head.
“Good. I just want to make you feel good Y/N.” He lets you relax into his hand and doze for a bit. You’re comfortable and happy and feeling very cared for. The silence is comfortable, but after a few minutes Shoto starts to hum an old 90s song and the rhythm of it lulls you into a true sleep.
An annoying buzzing sound wakes you. Over on your desk, your phone is buzzing and blinking incessantly – someone is trying really hard to get ahold of you. You ignore it, trying to focus all of your attention on the way that Shoto’s right hand is carding through your hair.
“Mmm.” You hum with pleasure as he drags delicate fingertips through your scalp. Your phone continues to buzz. You’re annoyed and can’t enjoy yourself properly. You reach out and stop Shoto’s hand before it can go any further. “I should really check that.”
You get to your feet and adjust your sweatpants, secretly cursing whoever is trying to get ahold of you. You open up your phone and the screen reads “Mina Ashido: 4 missed calls.” Huh? You quickly hit redial. The phone barely rings once before Mina is squealing into the phone.
“Mr. Aizawa is doing a curfew checks! Make sure you’re in your room!” She all but shouts into the phone.
“What!?”
“It’s only 10:05 and he gave Toru and I detention for being out in the common area past curfew! He said he’s doing bed checks and knocking on doors next. Are you in your room!?”
“OMG!” You hang up on Mina and frantically wave your arms at Shoto.
“Aizawa is doing bed checks! You need to get to your room now!”
Shoto’s eyes widen and he quickly scoops up his English books from the floor. You push him towards the exit in a panic. You wrench the door open and quickly look up and down the hallway – it’s mercifully empty. Mr. Aizawa clearly hasn’t gotten to this floor yet.
“Okay, it’s all clear – go, go, go!” You push Shoto from the room bodily, his eyes still large and overwhelmed as he goes.
“But wait, I didn’t get to kiss you goodbye - ”
“This is life or death Shoto! Get out of here!” You push him in the direction of the staircase and quickly shut your door behind him. You hear his footsteps recede down the hallway and breathe a sigh of relief.
You call Mina back in a hurry. “Hey, sorry I hung up! I was out in the hall and had to make a beeline to my room before Aizawa made an appearance. He hasn’t been up to my dorm yet.”
“Thank goodness I got ahold of you before you got caught after hours! Lucky timing.” Mina sighs. “Now Toru and I need to spend tomorrow evening cleaning the classroom since we ‘broke curfew.’ This is bogus!”
“Wait that sucks.” You look in your mirror and fix your static hair as you chat. Suddenly, you have an idea. “I can come and help you, though. We can discuss our master plan while we clean!”
Mina laughs. “That would make it more fun! You’re such a good friend Y/N. I can always trust you to make things a little brighter.” You feel a knot form in your stomach at these words – Mina still has no idea about you and Todoroki. The magnitude of this secret weighs heavily in your heart. You bite your lip with anxiety. Should you tell her? She majorly saved your butt with that warning call…
“You too, Mina. You’re the best.” You say. You can’t seem to find the words to explain your Shoto situation to her, so you opt not to tell her. Your stomach continues to turn over in guilty knots. You hear hard footsteps coming up the hall, followed by the sound of distant knocking. “Oh my goodness I think Mr. Aizawa just made it to this floor. I’d better go.”
“Bye, girl! Text me!” Mina hangs up, leaving you to finish adjusting your appearance in the mirror. You make yourself presentable, pulling your hair up into a clean ponytail and adjusting your clothes to look less rumpled. A moment later, there’s a hard knock on the door.
You take a deep breath to center yourself and try not to look super ultra guilty when you open the door. Your teacher stands looming in the doorway, his hero costume looking a bit worse for wear. He must have just come back from patrol. He looks world weary and exhausted, the deep shadows under his eyes look worse than usual. His eyes are bloodshot – a typical side effect of his quirk.
“Oh, hi Mr. Aizawa. Is everything alright?” You ask brightly.
He glares down at you, but not unkindly. With his reddened eyes, he just tends to glare.
“Just doing a random check to make sure everyone’s sticking to curfew.” He says, voice gravely. “I’m surprised you weren’t in the common room with Ashido and Hagakure, you’re usually inseparable.”
You blink nervously at this – is he onto you or are you just being paranoid?
“Yeah I wanted to get some quiet reading done tonight. And you know how they are…definitely not quiet.” That’s the dumbest thing you’ve said all day, but for some reason Aizawa buys it.
“Yeah you kids are definitely one of the rowdier classes I’ve had over the years.” His sour look softens into an almost-smile. “Please go to bed at a reasonable time – we have a lot of training this week.”
“Will do!” You chirp out – you can’t believe you’re actually getting away from this situation unscathed.
He moves on to the next room and mutters quietly, almost to himself - “I caught Todoroki out of his dorm, too. We’re going to need to review the definition of “curfew” in homeroom class tomorrow.” He gives you a vague wave and you shut the door quickly, breathless. So Shoto didn’t make it to his room – from the sound of it, he ran right into Aizawa on the stairs.
You reach for your phone to text Shoto about the situation, typing out a quick “You got caught!?” accompanied by some shocked emoji faces. You hit send, and are surprised when you hear a buzzing noise coming from the direction of your bed – in his haste to escape your room, Shoto left his phone on your pillow.
“Aw, crap.” You scoop up the phone in its plain grey case and see your own text flash against the screen. You place it on your nightstand and resolve to discreetly give it to Shoto before class the next morning. Poor Shoto – caught for breaking curfew. You feel bad knowing that you’re the reason he likely has detention with Toru and Mina.
You get ready for bed - pulling on your comfiest pajamas and smoothing moisturizer across the planes of your face. You’re exhausted and still basking in the afterglow of your little hookup with Shoto. It would be so nice if he were here with you right now to cuddle. You wish you could run your fingers through his soft hair and watch him fall asleep in your arms again. Despite his absolute insane skills in combat training, Shoto is such a sweet quiet soul. You want to praise him for his sweetness, and help him realize that there are so many wonderful pieces of him aside from his powerful quirk.
You settle into bed and get comfy amongst your plushies, settling in for a good night’s rest. Your alarm is already scheduled for the next morning, but you double check that it’s set anyway. You take a moment to scroll through Instagram and are startled when Shoto’s phone starts to buzz on your night table. You scoop it up out of habit and read the screen. It’s a text from YaMomo.
Momo: “Hey Shoto, you left your sweatshirt in my dorm room yesterday evening. Come pick it up tomorrow? Good night.”
Um…WTF!?
End of Chapter.
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OMG wowwww I have been working on this update for a while! I have been writing Part 4 + 5 simultaneously, so you won't need to wait that long for the next update to drop! Part 5 is going to be *even more steamy.* In the next part, our character and her friends throw a big party and the class participates in a high stakes game of ~spin the bottle.~ I think you're all going to really enjoy it (and all of the ensuing drama, ofc!).
Thanks so much for reading and for your continued support on this + other stories! I hope that this was worth the wait. ☺️ Feel free to check out my other spicy works on The Master List pinned to the top of my blog!
❄️🔥THE EXCLUSIVE ICYTHOT TAG LIST🔥❄️
Oh and YEAH!! I started a tag list - if you’re interested in being on my tag list for Shoto's First Kiss chapters, please let me know! This tag list will hence forth be known as the "IcyThots" (get it...like IcyHot but instead we are all Thots for Shoto!? Heehehehe). If you commented enthusiastically on the past chapters I added you to the tag list - let me know if you want to be removed and I will absolutely take you off! I'm still new to this whole thing, so appreciate your patience!
XoXo, Red Riot Unbreakable Heart ❤️
❄️🔥THE ICYTHOTS🔥❄️
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#shoto fluff#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha manga#bnha#mha#boku no academia#boku no hero#shoto todoroki#shoto x reader#todoroki shoto#todoroki#shouto todoroki#todoroki lemon#BNHA lemon#todoroki x you#todoroki x y/n#todoroki x reader#shoto x you#shoto lemon#shoto x y/n#shoto todoroki x reader#shoto todoroki x you#todoroki fluff#light smut#shoto first kiss#first kiss mha#first kiss bnha#juzo honenuki#toru hagakure
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and sometimes i’m like…unless this is the version louis prefers to tell. daniel, he was a bad conceited domineering inconsiderate dick always. why no daniel, I would never fuck someone like that. that would be would add a level of depravity to our dysfunction. denied. and hatesex definitely isn’t my thing, daniel, except for like that one time he pissed me off so bad i tracked him down and railed him into/rode him into his mistress’s carpet (choose your own adventure).
but i also like the sexless 18 years version. somehow for almost two decades, high sex drive besotted lestat woke up every evening with obsession on par with gomez addams in his heart and was like no but we can make this work—
I mean loustat were married for 30 odd years and ldpdl only let that man hit for like 12 of those years…
#i mean lbr i do believe louis about the disordered eating and the resultant ed#and his need to be withholding of affection as a means of control in a situation where there was a power imbalance#and just. not wanting to fuck the dude bc he was pissed tf off lol#but as s2 progresses#we get a glimpse that perhaps it was all more nuanced…and maybe he wasn’t miserable the whole time? or if even#if he was angry lestat still managed to push his buttons to the point they could have the kind of unhinged sex#that maybe he’d prefer to forget lol#these guys#iwtv#loustat
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Oh, the things I would do to see how Bang Chan is day-to-day, absolutely laid-back and completely unfiltered. Honestly, I'd even say that I just want to know how Christopher actually is—how he speaks when he doesn't have to worry about how it sounds, the jokes he might make when he's around people who get them, and his opinions on the most random, unhinged topics we could ever come up with.
There's just something about him that's so interesting and captivating and so enticing. He seems like the type of person you could sit down with, have a drink, and hold a conversation with for hours on end. I don't mean idol Chan. I don't mean famous Chan with designer clothes, makeup, and lots of lights on him. I mean curly-haired, bare-faced Chris in near-dim lights—the one who wears a hundred versions of the same black hoodie and seems to have more shorts than anyone I've ever met in my life. The one who mentioned the importance of sex ed naturally on live, the one who seems to have a lot of opinions to share about the Kendrick vs. Drake thing, the one who talked about how much he misses his friends back home and grew up between cultures, showing interest in many more.
I just want to get to know him, you know?
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Hello! I was wondering if you had any Gentlebeard fanfic you would recommend on ao3? Ideally a nice slow-burn with a few chapters but honestly anything you like would be great - just on the search for more fics to digest. Thank you!
I'd recommend everything by @xoxoemynn and @darcylindbergh if you're looking for some very soft and in character, kinda awkward but also canon compliant, ed and stede ❤️ they've both got a ton of shorter works too. My favourite ofmd fics are:
Witness Marks (unhinged smut, horny clock boys)
Where the Daylight Begins (long but so so good, slow burn, I've read this one 4 to 5 times by now, magical realism and lovable crew on top of lovable ed and stede)
Roll for Charisma (so fluffy and some top quality pining, the plot of the show is their D&D campaign)
The Devil's Panties by @adickaboutspoons (sex pollen but make it so fluffy and earnest that my skin melted off my bones)
Separating Salt from Water by @nonagethimus (one of the tags is homoerotic shark hunting, enough said)
You Belong in that Home By and By (everyone wants Stede, but Stede only wants Ed)
Two Birds @red-sky-in-mourning (very gentle romance tinged with good angst but happy endings)
Grounded (fluffy smut, stede is something else in darcy's hands, no one gets him this right trust me)
Your Name Like a Boat (the angst oh my god this one still hurts, another one I've read a bunch of times and a very fulfilling ending)
The Kraken's Sacrifice @trinityofone (actual kraken ed and they're so soft and in love, this one is a bit out there but it's so interesting, i finished it in one sitting)
From Gloom to Grace @bizarrelittlemew (pollen but it makes them cuddle is there anything better)
Stealing Romance by @skrifores (I prayed for a realistic jealous ed fic and this one is it)
Little Wonder @ofmd-alsaurus (stede has a tiny dick, ed is really into it, it's funny and sweet)
Only by the Grace of the Sea @palavapeite (hot priest stede, incredible writing, slow burn)
Leggy Blonde You Got in Goin' On by @palavapeite (stede joins a gym, most in character stede I've read in this fandom)
And I'd 100% recommend my own fic 😬 Moonstone Mage Championship (slow burn, fantasy, idiots to lovers)
#asks#ofmd#ofmd fic recs#our flag means death#I don't read that many fics I mostly just reread the ones I like 🥲✌️#ofmd fic rec#blackbonnet
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(manip by me, original poster by art chantry)
welp there's a (short!) fic now 😏
for the "kink: condoms are fun!" square of my @cap-ironman stony bingo round 2 card, 1.5k, rated E:
Like so many 21st-century notions that most modern folks took for granted, getting Steve Rogers onboard with the idea of condoms for gay sex was yet another concept that required some getting used to. As ever, Tony was more than willing to help him adjust to it -- was particularly eager, in fact, to demonstrate it for him.
So he took Steve’s hesitant objections in stride. Though he conceded that STDs weren't actually an issue between them, Tony still felt obligated to get Steve up-to-date on one of the primary functions of using protection. He didn’t blame the poor guy for assuming that “VD” was only something that men contracted from women, given how the sex-ed propaganda of Steve’s time pointedly ignored the existence of homosexuals at every turn (yes, Tony had become quite the WWII-era culture buff ever since he and Steve got together). “Rubbers,” ergo, were only used to prevent pregnancy and war effort-undermining cooties from ‘loose women,’ as far as Steve was concerned.
He hadn’t yet learned about the AIDS epidemic. He hadn’t learned anything at all, really, about homosexuality, aside from what little he’d gleaned from his limited exposure to different cultures and social norms during his stint as a soldier. Just getting him to come out of his internalized-homophobic shell even a little bit after Tony had finally figured out that the tension between them stemmed from a sex thing rather than the other kind of dick-versus-asshole thing was a huge challenge all on its own; one which Tony had only persevered through because he was already way too far-gone on the guy by then to consider giving up.
But now— after way too much dithering and denial and a gradually-dawning acceptance of the earth-shattering truth of the matter— they were finally fucking each other. Enthusiastically, and often. Tony’s patience had won out big time, and his rewards just kept on coming. And coming. And coming.
Turns out, Steve has a refractory period that’s basically non-existent. One of the many benefits of being serum-enhanced. Truly, Tony has no complaints on that score, considering his own notoriously rabid sex drive. Match made in heaven, in all honesty. It would seem that Steve is intent on making up for lost time, and Tony is only too happy to oblige him at every opportunity—
—which is where the condom thing comes in. Tony doesn’t mind that they’re fucking like rabbits now. It’s great! Amazing! Best thing that’s ever happened to him, really! But honestly— it can get kinda messy, given how Steve seems determined to fuck on every conceivable surface he can think of -- and often during moments that might not be entirely convenient, such as in the immediate aftermath of a mission; be that during touchdown at SHIELD headquarters when he and Tony are still suited up, or even on the freshly-vacated Quinjet on a number of occasions... -- occasions which their teammates definitely weren’t as oblivious to as Steve had been quick to assume in his lust-clouded fever (Tony had seen Nat’s knowing look after Steve had asserted his captain’s voice to tell him, “Stark: hang back a moment. There’s something I need to discuss with you in private.”) He was so disastrously conspicuous sometimes, but Tony wasn't bothered by it. He just found it ridiculously charming.
So Tony’s started carrying condoms around with him at all times now, knowing that Steve’s delightfully unhinged libido could strike at any moment. It's his privilege to always be ready for him.
The first time Tony fished one of these out of his pocket and pressed it against Steve’s big, warm chest during a heated make-out session in the locker room, Steve frowned down at the little packet with the most adorably confused expression Tony had ever seen on a full-grown human.
“...A rubber?”
“Uh huh,” Tony had breathed out, eagerly rolling his hips against the massive thigh still shoved between his legs.
“What for?”
It was actually really funny, just how nonplussed his face looked in that moment. Tony bit back his reaction to laugh, though, knowing how sensitive Steve could be when he thought Tony was laughing at him.
“For sex,” Tony grinned, deliberately pressing his hard-on against the larger man and feeling a little giddy with how much he wanted exactly that, pronto. “What else?”
“We’re both fellas, though,” Steve needlessly pointed out, getting that deep furrow between his brows as a particularly splotchy flush spread over his face -- Tony knew by now that these together were more of an indication of embarrassment than arousal. Uh oh.
It was sometimes a bit of a tightrope walk, maintaining a modern homosexual relationship with a man as complicated as Steve Rogers. Tony was still learning how to navigate his changeable moods and specific triggers, but it was a task he was surprised to find himself more than willing to put up with. It was actually kind of thrilling, the way he was always keeping Tony on his toes.
So that first, clumsy attempt in the locker room hadn’t convinced Steve that condoms were a convenient means of mitigating the messier aspects of assfucking, which in retrospect was Tony’s bad: Steve wasn’t wrong when he'd pointed out that the showers were right there.
Then later that week, when Tony tried again by attempting to argue that condoms were actually “fun,” Steve had gotten a bit petulant when he'd mistakenly jumped to the very erroneous conclusion that Tony didn’t actually like getting pumped full of an unholy amount of hot supersoldier jizz on the regular. On the contrary, it was something he often enjoyed with a zeal that bordered on some kind of perversion… Only, there was a time and place for indulging in what basically amounted to a serious cum-inflation kink, which—in his modest opinion—was best enjoyed in the comfort of an actual bedroom.
Later, ensconced in the privacy of said bedroom, he explained this to Steve. In so much detail. He made sure to be very clear about what he liked and when/where he liked it, ensuring that there would be no doubt as to how sincerely he meant it by encouraging Steve to properly fill him up right there on his oversized bed. Then—just because Steve seemed to really appreciate these sorts of practical demonstrations—Tony made it very clear what occurred afterwards, illustrating this by strutting naked around the bedroom and letting Steve’s jizz drip down between his legs while he continued to elaborate on the pros and cons of letting Steve put him in such a state while out in public. He definitely had Steve’s rapt attention, this time.
Still, he didn’t fully sell his argument until the following weekend, when they’d been out together at that gala all night in their well-tailored formalwear, making eyes at each other in between all the endless schmoozing and sipping from champagne flutes and munching on canapes.
Steve found a little secluded balcony that wasn’t in use, because of course he did. Say what you will about him being a late bloomer; there was no denying that the guy had quite the aptitude for arranging semi-covert assignations at a moment’s notice.
He wasn’t wearing his utility belt, though, which meant that he didn’t have his handy dandy lube tube that he’d taken to carrying around these days. So when Tony caught him trying to spit on his fingers after getting a hand down Tony's pants and squeezing Tony’s ass in a signal he’d come to recognize as Steve’s signature “I wanna fuck you right now” move, he intercepted him just in time to demonstrate the magic of 21st-century lubricated condoms.
Getting to bend Tony over the railing like that and have at him at the drop of his $3000 pants with no prep required—then coming profusely into Tony’s grateful ass without spilling a single drop of superspunk on either of their very nice garments—was something of an eye-opening experience for Steve Rogers.
He could admit, afterwards— as they righted their clothing and kissed like they’d been waiting all night to get their mouths on each other in order to finally breathe properly— that Tony might’ve actually had a point about the “rubbers.”
“They’re fun, aren’t they?” Tony smirked as he smoothed his hands down the fine weave of Steve’s black dinner jacket, continually enamored with the way that all that broadness narrowed down to such a grabbable little waist. “...Anytime, anywhere.”
“Yeah,” Steve agreed, looking at Tony with a fondness that couldn’t possibly have just been about the whole condom thing. Sometimes when Steve looked at him like that, it felt like his insides were melting; like Steve could reduce him to literal goo with just a look. Quite the superpower, that one.
Steve’s eyes did that funny thing where they grew impossibly warmer as he reached to fix Tony’s hair with gentle fingers, telling him, “I think I’m coming around to the idea.”
♡
#stony#steve rogers/tony stark#stony fic#stevetony#steve rogers#tony stark#ficlet#my fanfic#manip#fanart#tony stark bingo round 2#condoms#nsfk#smut#my edit
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after edwin "what is a handjob" payne asks too many questions or makes the most unhinged edwardian comment on abtinence or something, i feel like jenny would feel responible as the adult im their lives to head out to the library and buy him a sex ed book. crystal could show him urban dictionary. niko could let him borrow some of her bl manga.
charles doesn't explain a goddamn thing bc what is funnier then watching your uppity bowtie-wearing bestie ask with the most serious expression possible "and what does 'rizzing' one up entail?"
.
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Wandee Goodday EP 1 Unhinged Tangent Thoughts
God damn it Viu why no sub. i need that thing for making this kind of post better. help a nong out here, i'm too lazy to transelate and making cringy jokes at the same time.
Here we go! first episode of the horny boxer-doctor Sexy BL. could Yor-Yak's BIG Dick save our cringe fail Doctor Wandee from life of sexual repression? of course its can, BL dicks are magic like that!
Get it? wandee mean good day, horny double meaning message, me likey.
Ace rep woo woo! also how dare you besmirch ตาคิ้วหนา drake's eyebrows like that. those eyebrows are thai national treasure. it's the sexiest human features that ever grace us on thai television. is this why he haven't been cast as a lead in ages cause if that is the case then i'm willing to commit light ar$on at gmmtv hq for eyebr... i mean drake.
Ok that's good. they made being a doctor something relevant in the show. cause book wandee definitely seem like he doesn't care about being a doctor at all.
Cher can you teach me your game, เค้าอยากได้ผัวแบบนี้อ่าาาา.
Oh, Okay i get it, if someone this pretty did this to me i'd probably followed him around like lost puppy for 8 years too.
That's hot. god i really want a man who looks like they could beat me up.
YES! more eyebrowns fanservice. thank you show.
"Oh queer yoda bless us with your elder queer wisdom, us dumb twinks are too dumb and too horny to survived in this harsh society."
Money over dick, my kind of girl, loved her already.
Boy you didn't listen to a word he says, you're such a embarrassment for our people. thank fucking gay god i'm tired of perfect homos in BL already. let them be cringe let them be dumb and let them be failure of a human being, This is the representation i want!
Kao is the best of boy. he didn't even tried to stop his friend from embarrassing himself and even joined in the debasement. this is a friendship that would last a life time.
"whatta man whatta man whatta mighty good man"
Yas boy work it! and by work it i mean you need to work on your seduction face, cause idk wtf is going on here but i never been so turn off by a pretty face like this my entire life.
This is a face of a man who had seens all kind of crazy shits from life time of working night shift in a convenient store. i laughed so hard that he didn't faze at all by the whole situation 🤣
Thank you show for putting this man where he belongs. cause someone else's trash is someone's treasure and Yak is about to pick up the best trashsure he'll ever have.
Is this real do people get cramp when they have sex??? god i really need to sex ed myself. ข่วยไม่ได้นิเค้ายังจิ้นอยู่นี้นา >.>
Fine! i'll watch the eclipse.
This show is indeed Zab. i liked that the show fleshed out a lot of minor characters in the book cause Taemrak and Pakao characterization in the book was non existent. i also liked that they changed yak and dee first impression of each other to be more antagonistic. it like putting on a little spice in their dynamic, and i can't wait for more heat from the show.
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Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? (Foxy Coltrane x Reader)
Summary: It’s Halloween, 1985, and your Little Red Riding Hood costume catches the attention of the Midnight Wolfman himself.
Note: Female (incredibly unhinged) reader. Foxy calls the reader “Red” because of the Halloween costume, not due to any physical descriptors. I've literally been working on this since February🫠 Anyway, this is for all the old man fuckers out there🖤 Except if you’re under 18, terf or radfem, or post thinspo/ED content.
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: Discussions of canon typical violence. Sexually explicit content involving semi-public play, oral sex (m. receiving) and light roleplaying elements.
October 31, 1985
As soon as you walked into the bar up the road from your place, you immediately wanted to walk out. Having no other plans for Halloween night, you figured you could make the best of going solo. Wore a cute little costume to see where the night led you. Somehow you ended up in a bar where no one else was dressed up for the holiday that called for it. At least, not to the extent you were. Sure, it was a mass-produced Little Red Riding Hood costume you bought on your way home from work, but you made it your own with some makeup and cute heels you dug out of your closet.
You trudged over to the bar, soon nursing your drink and your hurt feelings. With your lip pouted in a slight sulk, you looked around, hoping to catch someone’s attention. Just when it seemed like all hope was lost, a man approached. Dark eyes locked on you. Sly grin on his face. Older, handsome in a scruffy way that your friends always teased you for being into.
You craned your neck to look up at him from your barstool. He sure as hell had that going for him too.
“I dig your costume, Little Red.”
You smiled. “Thanks. Seems like I’m the only one here who got the memo that it’s Halloween.”
“Hell, Halloween is everyday for me,” he said.
“You got a name?”
“You can call me the Midnight Wolfman.” He threw his head back and bellowed out a howl.
Your eyes widened. Heart might’ve skipped a beat.
Shouts and cheers punctuated the sound, a few of the bar patrons following his lead with weak howls of their own.
He was probably crazy. Or drunk. Likely both. But fuck, why else would you have gone out on Halloween?
“Buy me a drink, Wolfman?”
“Glad to, Red.”
He sat down at the stool next to you, long legs splayed out as one of his boots rested between your heels on your footrest. He claimed your space so easily, you nearly forgot you’d only just met him.
Two shared shots of whiskey later, your face was warm as he leaned in to talk. His easy drawl lured you closer, knees touching, close enough that you could see yourself in his steel blue gaze. You nearly suggested finding a booth to squeeze into.
Your mind raced with visions of him pulling you onto his lap, his big hands all over you, lips attached to your neck while the other bar patrons were none the wiser.
“Most people call me Foxy, though,” he said.
You furrowed your brows, hoping you hadn’t been fantasizing through too much of the conversation. “Foxy?”
“That’s my name. Winslow Foxworth Coltrane.”
“I like it. Sounds like an F. Scott Fitzgerald character or something.”
“Who’s that?”
“He wrote The Great Gatsby.”
“Oh yeah, I saw that one, had Redford in it. Kind of a snoozefest if you ask me. I mean, hard to follow up Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” he said. “What kind of movies are you into, Red?”
“I love horror, especially the gory shit,” you said before you could think twice.
He grinned, giving you a nod of approval. “Right on.”
“My favorite is probably The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Have you seen that one?”
“Yeah, it was great. Reminds me of my family.”
You laughed. “No kidding.”
His smile wavered, and for the first time all night it felt like you two weren’t on the same wavelength. Had you missed something in your half-drunk stupor? Was there something he mentioned that you fantasized through?
“Um, how about you?” you asked, trying to salvage the connection. “Westerns?”
“I’m into the classics, like those old monster movies.”
“Well, you’re way more handsome than Lon Chaney, Wolfman.”
“That’s ‘cause I’m the real deal, baby.”
“I believe it.”
“Yeah?”
You licked your lips. “With a howl like yours? Makes a girl think you could eat her alive.”
“C’mere,” he growled, pulling you to him.
His lips were on yours, wild and passionate that would keep you up the rest of the night even if nothing else happened. The way he had his hands on you, though, bringing you closer to him, deepening the kiss so you could taste the whiskey on his tongue, the very same he bought you, made you certain he wanted the night to end exactly the same way you did.
He pawed at your ass, his hands pushing up your short, red, satin skirt until your panties peaked out. You moaned when his fingers brushed the wet spot on the fabric, pushing against your clit. Fuck the notion of a getting busy in a back booth, you were ready to let him take you up against the bar if you weren’t so rudely interrupted.
“Hey, c’mon,” the bartender said, looking equally disturbed and exasperated. “You guys can’t—”
Foxy slammed his palm onto the bar, nearby glasses rattling on impact. “Motherfucker, if you don’t get out of my girl’s face I’ll crack your skull open.”
A smile twitched across your lips.
“Get out before I call the cops. Both of you.”
Foxy stood up. “Think I’m scared of some fuckin’ pigs?” Grabbed a nearby beer bottle and smashed it against the bar. Before you could blink, the jagged edge was pressed against the bartender’s throat. If anyone noticed what was going on, they sure as hell weren’t trying to intervene. “By the time they get here I could gut you like a fish.”
A delirious thrill rolled down your spine at the gleam in Foxy’s eyes.
“Look man, you—you don’t even have to pay for the drinks. Just go, alright?”
Deathly silence fell over the altercation, the bartender glancing between Foxy’s wild face and the broken bottle.
Do it, a dark, repressed part of you, ravenous for blood, hissed.
Foxy laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a fuckin’ pussy, man.” He threw his arm around you, letting the broken bottle shatter on the floor as he led you out.
“Don’t come back!”
“I wouldn’t shit here if I ate a gas station hot dog, asshole,” he shouted over his shoulder.
You pulled your polyester cloak a little tighter when you walked outside. Damn, you and Foxy probably looked like one hell of a pair to the people just getting to the bar.
The two of you stood in the middle of the parking lot while he lit a cigarette. “I don’t eat gas station hot dogs if I can help it. Give me indigestion. My ol’ man—well, adopted ol’ man—he used to make a mean fried chicken at his gas station,” he said, taking a drag. “Get a hankering for the stuff sometimes, and KFC sure as hell doesn’t cut it. Guess Colonel Sanders’ get-up is better than dressing like a clown, though.”
You interjected his rambling, “You would’ve done it, wouldn’t you? The bartender—”
“Wouldn’t have been the first time.” He stared you down, a predatory gleam in his eyes. He took a long drag, smoke rolling from his lips and circling above his head as he asked, “You afraid of the big bad Wolfman, Red?”
“Terrified.”
“You don’t know the half of it.”
“Then show me.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Mine. Yours. I don’t know—I need you, Foxy.” Your voice neared a whine.
“Fuck,” he groaned. “Say that again.”
“I need you.” You tugged on his shirt. “Foxy, c’mon.”
“Yours. I can’t drive at night for shit.”
You grabbed him by the arm, practically pulling him over to your car.
Jamming the key into the lock, you couldn’t open the driver’s side door fast enough, quickly unlocking the passenger door for him. Your hands would’ve been shaking if you weren’t gripping the steering wheel within an inch of your life as you peeled out of the parking lot the moment he finished adjusting the seat, moving it as far back as it could go to accommodate his long legs.
“Mind if I turn on the radio?” Foxy asked.
“Sure. I don’t live far, though. Should only be ten minutes.”
He fiddled with the stations until a late night news broadcast mentioned the name Otis Driftwood. He paused before sitting back.
“‘Free the Three’ demonstrations in support of the notorious Devil’s Rejects death cult continue well into the night.”
The reporter detailed the Fireflys’ crimes, as if anyone could have missed them. Hundreds of gruesome murders to their names. You, just like everyone else in America, had been glued to the story when it broke. All work practically came to a halt when their trials were going on, obvious guilty verdicts amidst a media circus.
“What do you think of ‘em?” Foxy asked, breaking the silence.
“The Fireflys?”
“Yeah.”
You glanced at him, tearing your eyes off the road for a moment to gauge how he’d react to your answer. “I guess what they did is fucked up, but the police and military have done way worse. Like, Otis Driftwood never dropped nukes on entire cities,” you said. “Why?”
“That’s my family.”
“Really?”
“Well, Otis is my half-brother. The rest of ‘em are all adopted.”
You looked at him again. Then the road. Then him in disbelief. “Then you—“
“Told you I was the real deal, sweetheart.”
“Why didn’t you get caught?”
“I was already in the can. Crazy how that shit happens, huh?”
You hit the gas, accelerating from 50 to 85 in a flash. No cops. Didn’t matter. Foxy could handle them if there were. You pressed your thighs together. Almost considered pulling over and just fucking in the backseat. But where was the fun in that? The excitement? The vulnerability of letting a killer into your home, where you’re supposed to be safe, and hoping to god he wouldn’t see your kitchen knives and get some bright ideas? You moaned. Oh god. You moaned.
“Red?”
“I know, Foxy. I’m going as fast as I can.” Your voice was whiny, high-pitched, desperate. “Piece of shit car—”
He grinned, shaking his head. “You’re nuts.”
“Is that a turn off?”
“Hell no.”
——
You nearly dropped your keys by the time you unlocked the door to your apartment, Foxy feeling you up from behind while you fumbled with them, obviously amused by your racing pulse and trembling hands.
“Cool place,” he said when he walked inside. “You got any roommates or—”
You pushed him against the front door, your mouth on his, desperate, hungry for anything he’d give you. Slipping your hand between your bodies, you cupped the bulge in his jeans. He groaned into your mouth, and you squeezed gently, feeling his cock strain against the rough denim.
“Don’t tease,” he growled.
“It’s only teasing if you don’t follow through.” You kneeled in front of him, moving to untie your cloak while he unbuckled his belt, unzipping his jeans.
“Wait,” he said, “leave the costume on.”
“Whatever you want, Wolfman.”
He pulled his cock from his boxers, big enough to be intimidating at first glance. But he was a killer, part of the Firefly clan, for god's sake, you wouldn't falter, instead mustering up the courage you had to even invite him home in the first place.
“My, what a big cock you have,” you teased, taking it in your hand, spreading the precum at his tip with your thumb while slowly pumping his length.
“All the better to fuck that pretty mouth with, Red.”
You licked your lips, holding eye contact with him as you took him in your mouth. Something primal about him, inherently dangerous. He’d killed people before, probably done far worse. Could change his mind at any time and cause you a world of hell. You pressed your thighs together, trying to ignore the ache in your core for hopes he’d take care of it if you did a good enough job. With the way he dug his fingers into your scalp, loud curses and praises falling from his mouth, you weren’t doing half bad.
“Midnight Wolfman’s got you right where he wants you, huh, Red? Turned you into his little bitch?” he taunted. “C’mon, gimme a howl.”
You whined around his cock, choking a bit when he thrust in your mouth. You liked this version of the story a hell of a lot better. No one to save you. Just you, in your Little Red Riding Hood costume, and the wolf, his crooked teeth bared as he hissed through them, grinning down at you. And you brought him there. Invited him into your home knowing he could tear you apart if he wanted to—maybe you wanted him to.
“You’re a good slut, ain’t you?” He groaned. His cock twitched in your mouth, you could feel the salty taste of him on your tongue as he came with a howl. “Take it all, Red—fuck, take it.” As if you had much of a choice but to swallow, but his praise went to your head, to your pussy. “Fuck, you’re like a dream come true.”
Pulling back, sitting on your heels, you looked up at him with a newfound predatory gleam in your eye as he caught his breath.
“By the way,” you said, acutely aware of the wet ache between your thighs, “I live alone, if you wanna return the favor.”
#foxy coltrane x reader#foxy coltrane#3 from hell#house of 1000 corpses#slasher x reader#slasher fanfic#slasher fandom#slasher community#slasher fucker
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Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷
I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.
She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.
I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.
I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.
yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).
idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.
all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.
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Hear me out: Special eds teacher Hob
ADHD Hob being perfect for Dream because he’s understanding of Dream’s time blindness, propensity for hyperfocus, emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity.
ADHD Hob becoming a special education teacher, and just taking one solid look at Dream’s more neurodivergent-coded issues and going: ”you know what? I’m going to save this bastard with my unhinged love and Montessori pedagogy.”
Hob asking Matthew to help him remind Dream of things during the day; to maintain contact even when Dream is time-blind and keeps forgetting their dates because he is two weeks deep into a tentacled goat WIP and will stop for no one.
Hob pointing out the hypocrisy of Dream hammering on about sleep hygiene, before helping him implement some hard-line work/life balance rules to prevent burn-out. Hob sneaking a pomodoro timer into the Dreaming to force Dream to take regular breaks.
Lucienne is so relieved that she actually goes on a beach vacation / sex romp with Gault
#ADHD icon Hob Gadling#ADHD Hob Gadling#Special eds teacher Hob Gadling#neurodivergent dreamling#my dreamling writing#dreamling#hob gadling#dream of the endless#the sandman fanfics#neurodivergent of the endless#AU canon neurodivergence#dream x hob#morpheus x hob
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"he's got a regular hook-up with some random once a month he pays them to film them having sex for his sex ed classes. But since he's met you he's stopped that." Time out. Ever since Sydney's other parent died, Sirris was having meaningless hookups. No emotional investment, no wanting the hookup and his kid to get along. Then he meets the player? And he drops the hookups, because they can’t compete. Man is unhinged.
Meaningless sex to film it is different then someone you want to spend you life with or at least someone you want to drug and fuck regularly
You wouldn't want your precious kid to meet your once a month purely for science reasons hook up- they could be deranged!!!
But you definatly want your kid to get along with your step parent- even if they're around the same age
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Dan Feng being a parent in the most “cursed” way possible — but not like “oh, ew, oh yikes,” but like…a nonchalant medical specialist (like in that post where he’s feeding his and Yingxing’s baby).
He is very blasé and very blunt about even the most disgusting topics to the point of being able to make Jingliu flinch by just opening his mouth to talk about what happened at the Alchemy Commission last week.
He’s a doctor. He’s seen A Lot. He has breastfed babies that aren’t even his own (including Vidyadhara hatchlings) because they had dietary issues. He’s had Foxians with fleas. He’s had patients with GI tract problems. He’s had patients who got themselves in stupid situations because they were trying stupid during sex. (And on that note, he’ll give sex ed for free. Unfortunately, the aphrodisiacs are not free.) The list goes on.
He most likely did fertility experiments on himself to of course find a way for his race to reproduce again, and had a baby with Yingxing for a number of reasons, mainly ✨ SCIENCE!! ✨ How would a Vidyadhara give birth? Live? Laying an egg?? Or is it a mix of both where the egg hatches first in the womb and then it’s a live birth?? How long is the gestation period?? Actual questions that need to be answered.
In practice? (With Dan Feng getting pregnant?)
Surprisingly, the only kind of patient Dan Feng has not encountered is one giving birth.
Dan Feng: “Surely, it can’t be any worse than taking a really big shit?”
Famous Last Words.
…and of course, his poor child has to put up with their father being a little crazy in the lab.
Dan Feng: *about to eat / drink a sample of something that he probably really shouldn’t for research*
Xingyue bby: “DAD, HE’S DOING IT AGAIN!”
Yingxing: *kicks the door down* “DAN FENG, WHATEVER YOU HAVE, PUT IT DOWN!!!”
Note: quite heavily inspired by someone’s hc posts of Dan Feng being unhinged lol
i'm not sure if you meant "breastfeeding" when you first mentioned it or just nursing (like feeding them the bottle) in general, but, yeah
The parenting goes great, too
Yingxing: tell me when he eats/drinks/consumes any sample or random things.
Dan feng: tell me if he overworks himself at the artisanship commission.
Like both trying to keep each other in check but their kid is just a toddler so the best it can do is call for the other parent.
Also they're probably busy finding out how dirt tastes (they'll grow out of it. Hopefully.) And puts everything in their mouth. Hopefully dan feng doesn't leave any... "samples"... on the floor (aka the only place toddlers can reach)
#i'm eating gilbird#honkai star rail#hsr dan heng#xingyue#yingfeng#hsr dan feng#hsr yingxing#//xingyue child
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So unhinged thought about everyone's favorite skelly-face boi. You know, this one.
This is nsfw and kinda f*ed up so please understand before reading below that i have been thinking about about havik ripping of limbs and how to incorporate that into smut. You have been warned
Like, sex with him is definitely wild, definitely painful, definitely un-fucking-hinged and I'm trying to pre-plan my kinktober days so i can catch the fuck up and i had the thought that Havik + sex pollen would be incrediblly chaotic. He'd love the aphrodisiac effects, but hate being forced to have sex to recover.
But like, what if it's havik and a female reader and the only way to get the Pollen out of your t system is to be penetrated? So after reader and back fuck reader it's recovering but havik is still hard and feverish? They are in the middle of nowhere, probably outside and in an unfamiliar realm so no one around to fuck havik when they figure out the issue so reader has to use havik's own cock on him as a dildo
I think this would take too much at up for kinktober but if there is interest Id give it a try
(Also I dont mind doing female and/or trans ftm reader for it but I'm cis and ace and I am terrified I'll be like disrespectful accidently to the trans fan base so please if anyone wants to hit me up with tips for writing trans reader I'd like to feed everyone but i dont want to offend)
Anyway. That's my unhinged havik fic idea. Feel free to chime in with suggestions to maybe expand this and if it gets some likes I'll see if i can use it to hit my nanowrimo goal this year)
#havik#mortal kombat#mk1#mortal kombat 1#mk#mk havik#i have no idea what is wrong with me and at this point I'm to afraid to ask
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