#unhinged af? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kpg-1126 · 1 year

Text

Next time on . . .

So I know I haven’t been doing the previews of the next chapter lately, mostly because I haven’t written far enough ahead. So I decided to post the beginning of the next chapter. As a treat.

Mild spoilers from Chapter 6 if you haven’t read it.

---

Patty’s Living Room - Moments Later

Patty had just put the book down when Allison barged through the door, a nervous ball of energy, and Patty nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Shit, I forgot. Renée is coming over."

"What?" As if Patty's mind wasn't already full enough. "She's coming here?"

"Yeah, yeah. You said it was okay."

Patty scoffed. "When?"

"Last week, when she and Tim were here. We set it all up."

"Are you serious?"

"I mean, I knew you were distracted, but I thought you understood at least the gist of the plan, if not the exact date and time."

"But Allison, aren't you supposed to be working? I thought Bev’s closes late today?"

"Oh, sure, but I told Sam what was up and he said it would be okay."

"Oh." Patty wanted to know what was up, but was a little afraid to ask.

"Hold on," Allison said, "let me run upstairs and grab something. I want to set the mood."

"What? What are you—" Patty’s eyes grew wide. "Also, umm, I just talked to your mother, I'm not sure now is a great—"

"Oh, no worries, I saw her on my way here—she said we could catch up soon."

Patty abruptly shut her mouth and sat back down. What was this all about? What did Allison’s mom want to catch up about? And Renée . . . ?

Patty tilted her head back and took a deep breath, still reeling that Allison should burst through the door just as Patty read that line . . . she didn't even want to think about it actually. So she didn't. She listened to the faint creaking of Allison's footsteps above her, and what sounded like the crashing of a pots and pans. What was she doing up there?

After a few more minutes of chaos, the noises stopped, and Allison was back. Now wearing some sweatpants and a hoodie that Patty was almost certain were her own. Her hair had been put up and she had on no shoes or socks. Which was foolhardy, honestly, considering Neil used to live upstairs. Allison had a bundle of items in her arms wrapped in what might have been an embroidered tablecloth that was straight out of the 1980s. Or was it the 70s? Allison passed Patty and went into the kitchen, laying out the tablecloth, which hung awkwardly over the ends of Patty's small table, and setting up some candles. "Hey, can you toss me your lighter?" Allison said. "I forgot to put yours in my pocket."

"You forgot to what?" Patty asked, nevertheless grabbing her lighter and tossing it to Allison, who lit the candles and arranged them just so. "What is all this?"

"I told you, Renée's coming over."

"Should I go change?" Patty asked, furrowing her brows and motioning her head toward the newly prepped table. "Should you?"

"Oh, no, you're good," Allison said, "she said she likes the ripped jeans." Allison looked down at her own ensemble. "And I put this on especially."

"You goin' for a jog before she gets here?” Patty looked at the newly-lit flames, “You know, the candles will drip wax all over the table if we have to wait very long."

"Oh, no, this was for you." Allison said, indicating her outfit.

"Yeah, true, I did buy those sweats for me."

"You know what I mean," Allison said, raising an eyebrow, and Patty looked away, her mouth nearly hanging open. Just then, the doorbell sounded, and Allison cheerfully went to open it.

"Delivery for Allison O'Connor?" a deep voice said from the doorway.

Patty's eyes shot open wide again as Allison chuckled nervously. "Just trying it out," she called over to Patty as she grabbed the bags of takeout from the guy at the door and brought them into the kitchen, taking them out one by one. “I am not a big fan of McRoberts.” She grabbed some plates and arranged them on the table before carefully scooping pasta from the various containers onto the plates. While Patty just looked on in awe.

Allison was nearly done when the doorbell rang again.

As Patty got up to answer it, she turned to Allison. "Wait," she said, suddenly embarrassed by the realization, "is this some kind of date?"

Allison smiled her crooked smile, but didn't respond. Patty gritted her teeth and forced herself to answer the door. Renée stood there, a bouquet of Calla lilies in blue and pink in her arms, which she handed to Patty, while giving her a lingering once over. "You look nice, as always."

"Thanks, uh—" Patty laid the flowers gingerly on the side table by the door, "I need a cigarette."

Renée laughed. "Mind if I join you?"

Patty's face froze. "I thought you quit?"

"True. I'll have to steal one. You mind?"

"I . . . guess not." Patty said. Allison came closer to the door. Patty shrugged and held up her pack of menthols.

"Oh, you two have fun. I'll get out the wine." Allison said, giggling that stupid giggle that popped up when Renée was around. "Wait, don't forget your lighter," she said, tossing it back to Patty as Renée stepped outside. Patty nearly dropped it, but managed to snag it with the other hand as it slipped through her fingers.

Once out on the porch, Patty shook out a cigarette and handed it to Renée, who put it to her lips, leaning forward to allow Patty to light it. Patty then got her own, and looked off down the street as she took a drag, trying not to look at Renée, who was wearing the dress part of a navy blue dress suit, without the jacket, which she had left inside. There were no sleeves, and the faint outlines of her arm muscles brought to Patty's mind Allison's habit of wearing exclusively long sleeves . . . although less so lately. The square cut neckline of Renée 's dress fell just below a long necklace, which settled right above the very hint of cleavage, a blue pendant (was it a sapphire?), which sparkled in the moonlight as Renée turned slightly. Patty, realizing she was staring turned away before she could see Renée smile.

After a minute, Renée interrupted the silence with a quick laugh. "I guess this is a little weird."

"Is it?" Patty said, trying to play it cool, but also desperately wondering what the hell was going on.

Renée smiled sympathetically at Patty's obvious discomfort. "I don't do this very often, to tell you the truth. It's not how I usually—"

Patty laughed awkwardly, almost hoping Renée would stop explaining. "Of course not," Patty said. "So how was lunch the other day?" Patty asked, hoping that maybe a description would clue her in to whatever was going on.

Renée smiled. "Oh, it was great to catch up. We were just talking logistics, you know. Allison was concerned that you wouldn't really be on board with the whole thing."

Patty let out another nervous laugh, but left it at that.

"But here you are," Renée continued.

"Here I am," Patty said with false enthusiasm. Renée smiled a big smile, her perfect, white teeth gleaming in the soft light. Patty cleared her throat. "I guess we had better go back in—seemed like Allison was really setting something up in there."

Renée nodded and stubbed out her cigarette, while Patty did the same. "Thank you, though—I needed that tonight."

Patty pursed her lips and nodded, letting Renée back inside the house. Patty looked around and realized that Allison had turned off all the lights but a small lamp in the corner, the only other illumination being the candles on the table.

Allison came to greet them, smiling at Renée and giving her a warm hug before pulling back and bringing her hand up to finger Renée's necklace, pulling the pendant away and admiring how it glinted in the low light. "That's exquisite," she said, as Patty frowned, and Allison gently rested the pendant back in the shallow dip just above Renée 's dress and let her fingers linger there, as she turned to Patty and smiled.

Patty thought she could hear the faint sound of sniggering laughter in the distance, but couldn't tell where it was coming from. A thought popped into her head. "What did you just say, Allison?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just said something about Renée's necklace."

"Oh, that it's exquisite," Allison said, her hand moving back up to Renée 's pendant, Renée smiling slyly as she did so, and Allison once again looking at Patty, her eyebrow slightly raised. Then there it was, the laughter in the distance, growing a little louder now.

"You wouldn't say that," Patty said.

"Wouldn't I?" Allison shrugged, her messy ponytail swinging.

"You wouldn't."

"Are you sure?" Renée asked, suddenly joining the conversation.

"Almost certain," Patty said. "And you wouldn’t just randomly smoke a cigarette if you quit recently."

Renée laughed. "I wouldn't?"

"No." Patty said.

"You're probably right," Allison said, turning toward the front of the house. "It does seem a little strange, doesn't it?"

Patty’s eyebrows furrowed, as she, too, turned toward the front of the house. "Who are you talking to?"

"Don't you see them?" Allison said. "Staring at us intently?"

"What?"

"Yeah, they're trying to figure out whether this is real. Just like you."

"Hmmph." Patty said. "I'm pretty sure it's not."

"Makes sense," Allison said, nodding.

"But you've been fooled before," Renée added, chuckling. "So who knows?"

#kcfh fanfic #unhinged af?

11 notes · View notes

mother-of-houseplants-2 · 1 year

Text

thoughts on the gallagher siblings’ relationships with fiona

and what specific and nuanced role she takes on in their lives—mother, sister, or something in between.

special thanks to @aceyanaheim for not only listening to me ramble on and on about my silly little gallagher siblings thoughts, but also for sharing so many insightful and poignant ideas themselves on the matter. thanks so much for the brain worms! <3

lip

lip’s relationship with his sister is complicated. they’re only four years apart in age, so he’s a little more conscious of fiona’s situation than the other kids.

he doesn’t see it all—fi keeps her struggles a little too under wraps for that—but he knows what she’s had to sacrifice to take care of them all (“i stole so fiona didn’t have to work a third job to cover the bills” s11). he knows how alone she feels (“you’re not supermom; you don’t have to do it all yourself” s3). he knows she struggles (seeing her cry over the sticks and skates job in s1). he knows what she’s lost in the process (“you called her mom” s1). he knows that the kids aren't fair to her a lot of the time ("we've taken you for granted. i know i have" s4).

but as much as lip sees what fiona goes through, as much as he picks up jobs to help out with the bills, as much as he takes care of the little ones, he’s still a kid in need of a mother figure. he still leans on fiona, hard.

all of s2, lip struggles with seeing fiona as a sister vs. a mother. he wants independence, he wants to follow his own plans in life, and he doesn’t want anyone to stop him—in his mind, who’s fiona to tell him what to do? he can drop out if he wants to. he’s done one more year than her! she can’t make him go. she can’t. she’s not his mom.

but, well, isn’t she? he’s still a kid who messed up and needs help. he’s still a boy who can’t go it all alone. he’s still a sixteen year old child who finally comes home and gives his big sister a hug because, despite all his big talk, he needs her. he does. and fiona loves him more than anything. she just wants what’s best for him, even if she struggles to express it in a manner that doesn’t push him away.

lip doesn’t want to call fiona “mom” (s3) but he’s okay with her taking guardianship. and why wouldn’t he be? she’s done the job his whole life. and he sees that.

the problem is that lip, as much as he wants to be independent of fiona, as much as he wants to see her as a sister and not a mom, he can’t help but to idealize her. he still craves for the perfect mom in his head that never messes up and always takes care of them, and since monica for sure was never going to be that mom, he’s superimposed that desire over fiona. but that version of her doesn’t exist. that version of any mother doesn’t exist. mothers are human. they mess up. they make mistakes. even if no one wants them to.

so when fiona messes up (s3 with the club money, s4 with liam, s8 with the apartment, s9 with the drinking) it’s unthinkable to him. he’s furious with her—rightfully so, she did mess up—but he’s disproportionately angry because she was supposed to be their mom! she was supposed to be good and never fuck up and always take care of them! so when she breaks that image of perfection in his head, it shatters his trust in her, somewhat unfairly so.

fiona’s not allowed to mess up. she can’t. she’s not supposed to. she’s supposed to be the one taking care of everyone, not in need of care herself. lip is understanding and gentle and supportive when it’s ian or debbie or carl, and fiona’s the same with him, but when fiona’s spiraling into addiction and her life is falling apart, he’s all tough love. maybe it terrifies him.

when she leaves, it’s obviously sad. but he’s grown by then to know that she’s her own person, not just a mother figure to them all. it’s hard. but he’s at that point that everyone comes to in life when they realize their parents are individuals with their own lives and hopes and dreams. and he lets her go.

at the end of the day, a huge part of lip’s relationships with fiona is his eternal struggle between wanting independence and wanting a mom—and not just any mom, but a mom he can trust and love and depend on. that mom is fiona, even when she fucks up.

ian

ian was fiona’s first baby. he was the first child she really, truly raised—lip was always her boy, but he was also her second-in-command, blurring the lines between brother and son, working together with her to take care of the others—while ian was the first baby she was all on her own for. the “we were living in a car once…” speech in s3 makes that clear.

in the early seasons, it’s clear that ian defers to fiona quite a bit. he listens to her, seeks her out for comfort, respects her word like that of a mother. fiona calls him sweetface, expresses maternal affection with him, and he is receptive of it all in that long-suffering way older teens tend to be with their moms. their relationship is more mother-son than anything else.

but at the same time, he's still marginally aware of her struggles, too, just like lip; the conversation he has with his brother in s3 when fi tries to get guardianship ("she's only twenty-two!") makes it clear that he worries for her, doesn't want her to take on a terrible burden for them. so it's clear that, though he does see fiona in a maternal light, he isn't blind to her reality.

this all changes, however, when ian starts to grow up and want independence and freedom. fiona tries to give him this in s4 when he joins the army, even though it doesn't work out. and in s5, when he is finally forced to confront his own struggles with mental illness and deal with his bipolar disorder, he starts to bond more with monica.

now, this is understandable, seeing as they share the same mood disorder and he feels connected to her through their similar struggles. at first, he actually resents being compared to her ("i'm not fucking monica" s5), but the more they communicate and bond (s7), the more he comes to care for her.

s8 shows ian genuinely mourning his mother (getting sentimental over her meth, getting a tattoo for her), and the other gallaghers don't really understand it, which upsets him; in his mind, that's their mom! why aren't they upset too? i think it's lost on ian that no one else in the family ever had the same connection with monica that he did. she bonded with him; she didn't do the same for the others before her repeated abandonment.

so ian starts to see monica as "mom." where does that leave fiona?

i think this truly marks the final shift of their relationship from parent-child to siblings. especially when looking at s8, where they're fighting over the church. in 'occupy fiona,' ian is furious with her perceived selfishness, and screams at her when she attempts her typical motherly nagging in the form of asking him if he's taking his meds. which, fair; that must be frustrating to hear. but this makes it clear that they're on two separate pages: fiona still sees him as a son. ian sees him as a sister.

but fiona's seeking independence, too. she's seeking an identity that is distinct from her role as caretaker. it isn't just ian growing apart from his sister that's shifted their relationship so dramatically; both characters seek an escape from their family and a life where they can be independent and all grown-up. and in a typical parent-child relationship, only one side of the equation feels those growing pains. in this situation, it's both.

of course, no matter how much they grow apart and hurt each other, they still adore one another. ian's the one fiona goes to for advice about leaving in s9, after all. he's the one who urges her to go and save herself from another lifetime of gallagher chaos. so really, the change in their relationship doesn't destroy their bond; it just alters it a little.

debbie

debbie had, i think, one of the most tumultuous relationships with her sister. as a little girl, she definitely saw fiona as a mother figure, and was very attached to her, almost subconsciously so. the "i wanna stay with fiona" from s1, the way she sought her out for comfort after monica's suicide attempt in s2, the terror she felt at being separated from her after dcfs got involved in s3—it all makes it very clear that little debbie very much saw fiona as her mom.

she still had some understanding of her sister's struggles—"fiona takes care of everyone, but who takes care of fiona?" (s1)—but she was still a little girl and fiona was still her mom.

and then monica came crashing back into their lives. debbie very reluctantly accepted her in, hugging her at sheila's and allowing her to buy her dolls (even though she didn't play with them anymore!) just to humor her mother's attempts to build a relationship. so, as much as debbie unconsciously saw fiona as a mother figure, she still always had this craving for monica—her real mom.

it makes me think of debbie's assertion to sheila in s1 that if monica ever came back and apologized, she'd "forgive her in a heartbeat. because she's [debbie's] mom." she was still a little girl hanging onto the dream that her mom will come home and love her and take care of her. and she barely realized that she'd found someone else to fill in the gap monica left behind, but it's just not the same. she still wants her real mom.

season 4 marks the shift of debbie's character from seeing fiona as a mom to seeing her as a sister—or, at least, wanting to see her as a sister. like ian, she was desperate for independence. she was being peer pressured by girls at school, she was interested in boys, she didn't want to be seen or treated like a baby anymore. she was fed up with fiona still treating her like she's her daughter because she's not. she doesn't want to be.

and anyway, fiona was busy with her new job at the cup company and her new boyfriend mike. she wasn't around all the time anymore. sheila'd been babysitting more and more. debbie was the one taking liam to and from head start. she felt abandoned, alone, with fiona not around as much as before.

she sought comfort in sammi. she found purpose in her friends, in boys. it's a very knee-jerk teenage-girl reaction: to find connection in others when you're mad at your mom. but for debbie, she wasn't just shifting away from fiona as a daughter growing distant from her mom, she was shifting away from the idea of fiona as her mom in the first place.

and then, of course, franny happened and drove a terrible wedge between them both. debbie grappled with her identity as a mother. she rejected fiona's help and advice in favor of her quest for independence. monica returned, made her feel like debbie's a good mom. frank supported her. and debbie was in a position where she had both her parents on her side—her real parents—while fiona opposed her. this, i think, solidified fiona in her mind as her sister. not her mother figure anymore.

don't get me wrong; fiona was in the right opposing her at this time. debbie's pregnancy was a stupid idea. it really did ruin her life and her character overall, and it was unfair of debbie to expect fiona's support in that situation. fiona was being a good mother by telling her she was making a mistake. she still saw debbie as her little girl. debbie's the one who didn't accept that anymore.

after debbie and fiona made up later in the show, they settled into a true sister-sister relationship. debbie came to see fiona at her worst ("she broke her wrist, she's nonstop ugly crying" s9) and tried to take care of her, while fiona still tried to resist the flipping of their roles ("i'm fine. i'm fine." s9). debbie fucked up ford for her that season. got angry and protective on her behalf.

and when fiona left at the end of the season, she left as debbie's sister. no longer her mom. at least, not from debbie's perspective anymore.

carl

carl's relationship with fiona, i believe, was one of the least complicated and most wholesome ones on the show. carl absolutely saw fiona as a mom in the early seasons, without a doubt. he listened to her even when he didn't want to, like a little boy to his mother ("did you brush your teeth? carl?" "yes, ugh!!!!" s1), reluctantly learned lessons from her ("privacy's important" s2), looked to her for permission for things (glancing at her when monica asked him to pass the salad in s1 and only doing it when fiona nodded yes), and sought her out for comfort after monica's suicide attempt (s3).

carl's the only one i can vividly remember saying he loves his sister ("'night, fiona, love you" s1) or thanking her for what she's done for them all ("thanks for being a great sister" s3). at least when he was little, fiona was without a doubt his mom.

it certainly helps that he never really bonded with monica. she left when he was too little to start seeing her as a mom, and every time she returned, she never really took the time to get to know him or connect with him. but carl did briefly bond with frank (the fake cancer arc in s3, "i'm shaving your head to let the sun rays in"), and was the only one who cared about him potentially dying in season four, tending to him in the hospital when no one else did.

season four is when he, like debbie, starts to rebel against fiona's parenting. he's angry and sad and mean and it all comes out in the form of sharp words and beating up kids at school and getting into all kinds of trouble. he's mad at fiona for not caring about frank, but he's also just mad at the world—understandly so. he's fourteen.

the trouble continues well into season 6. carl gets mixed up with g-doggg, starts selling drugs. frank helps him get into the drug world, but he gets caught. he goes to juvie, comes back a little harder, a little meaner. sells harder stuff, sells guns. the whole time, he's established a sort of distance from fiona, because he's too cool for deep, vulnerable relationships, or so he thinks. and the whole time, fiona continues to love him, tries to connect with him, attempts to open his eyes and make him realize how dangerous what he's doing is, but he's determined to be his own man, to earn the respect of his buddies. he feels like frank's the only one who understands.

but then he gets hurt and scared. he sees someone die. he wants out. and frank—who he hasn't like, loved, per-say, but has at least trusted and established some sort of camaraderie with through their shared misdeeds—betrays him, scares the shit out of him with his anger and disappointment. and who does carl have to fall back on but fiona?

fiona tells him she's proud of him. she and sean help him get out of the drug world. their relationship is finally rekindled. and it's around his time when carl overhears fiona cry to sean about being exhausted and scared about losing the house (s6). and it terrifies him, because here's his strong big sister, the woman who raised him, young and vulnerable and afraid. and he steps up and gives her the money to buy back the house. he's there for her. he's being a good man.

from then on, carl shapes up and his character is on track to make something better of himself. he takes on some form of responsibility, denounces his father, and goes to military school. and fiona's so fucking proud of her boy. because he is her boy—always will be, no matter how much he tries to be a strong, independent, grown-up.

when he comes home in s7, he's grown to be a kind, goodhearted, respectful young man. he doesn't refuse her hugs and kisses. he admits—though with some hesitation—that "you were right, fiona! and we were so fucking wrong!" in s8. and when monica dies, he's... conflicted. but he's okay. because fiona was always his mom, anyway. and that never changed.

liam

liam has never known any parent other than fiona.

sure, lip helped a great deal with taking care of him and raising him, and, much later, he bonded quite a bit with frank. and his relationship with most of his siblings is very parental at its core—he’s the baby, after all, and all of his siblings had a hand in raising him.

but fiona was the one who fed and changed and cared for him his whole life. took him to work with her as a baby (s1). dealt with his hair when he had lice (s6). stood up for him against anyone who dared to hurt him (s9). it was always her, really, in the end. it was only her.

liam was just a baby when monica left. and he was—what, 6?—when she died. there are a few times when she randomly returns when they spent time together, but he doesn’t even really remember her because he was too little. he’s never known a mother other than fi. she’s the only one that matters, really.

i’m still upset that she didn’t take liam with her when she left in s9, and that we didn’t see them stay in contact throughout the remainder of the show. obviously, this was just because emmy rossum left, so it’s just a reflection of the writers working around their situations, but it just felt heartbreakingly unrealistic to me.

they loved each other so much. that was her son, her little boy, her baby bear. she was his mom. no two ways about it.

it wasn't until after fiona distanced herself from the family and then left that liam and frank grew close. frank got him into private school (s8), recruited liam to steal from his rich friends (s8/9), and liam, in turn, made it his mission to take care of frank when his health started declining and his mind started deteriorating to his alcholic dementia (s10/11). part of that connection was absolutely due to liam's bigheartedness; he's such a good, loving kid, with so much forgiveness and love to give to people.

i also wonder if a part of that connection resulted from the desire for parental love and affection. liam's smart enough to know that frank will never care for him the way fiona did, but he seems at peace with his father's shortcomings. he wants a relationship with him anyway.

regardless of the reasoning, liam was so loved by his family and his parental figures—both fiona and frank.

in conclusion

i think, from fiona's perspective, she was always the kids' mom ("my siblings are my kids" s9), even though at times her relationship with them blurred the lines between maternal and sisterly. but from the kids' points of view, she was always a very complicated figure in their lives.

the gallagher siblings' complex relationships with their sister are really at the heart of the show; she is the matriarch, the thing holding everyone together, after all. not all the kids had easy connections to her. many of them grappled with their vision of her as a mother vs. a sister. but that doesn't erase what she did for them.

she still raised them. she still cared for them, mothered them. as messy as their relationships were a great deal of the time, she was the best parent those kids ever fucking had. she was their mother through and through, and that is what made shameless truly, unabashedly, shameless.

180 notes · View notes