#unfortunately i am shaped like a woman

[rightsaidmanfred]

underoath flannel got here and it fits soooo good. feeling v masc and handsome today!!!

they/he

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

---

I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

---

If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

[hurlingdown]

HOW TO BREAK A MONSTER — TOP MALE READER X ZORO

synopsis. you've heard rumours that roronoa zoro is an unlovable monster. someone whose heart cannot be touched. maybe that is so—but maybe there is a way to feel the pounding of his heart. if you cannot reach him through his chest, then you'll just have to find a better way. (through his stomach) wc. 0.8k

tags. sub! zoro, dom! reader. huge cock, belly bulge, tummy pushing, feminization, tit-slapping, womb-fucking (metaphorical), gagging on fingers.

“Can you feel me in there?” 

There’s a dome-shaped outline of your cock shifting inside him, making the muscles jut out from his abdomen. 

Zoro shudders, barely able to form words. Nods a yes, maybe. It’s hard to tell. 

���Words, baby.” 

Spreading one hand wide over him, you move to palm the soft pouch beneath his navel, kneading into the fat there. Lightly pressing onto the bulge, letting him feel you. 

He tips his head back to let out a breathy moan. “Hah. Full—’s too full.” It doesn’t sound like a complaint to you. A plea, maybe, but not a complaint. 

You hum, satisfied, leaning back to lazily fuck into him. One inch out, one inch in. Lube and cum squelch, caking to form a creamy ring around the base of your cock. 

“You can take more. Can’t you, Zoro?” It isn’t much of a taunt, but one thing about Zoro is that he hates to lose. 

Denial is on the tip of his tongue. It would be so easy to submit to you, to forfeit. You would pull out and suck him off, or maybe finger him to completion. Those are also fun, he supposes—everything with you is fun, really. But giving up a challenge directed at him? Now that isn’t fun. 

So he tells you, more smugly than he feels, “Yeah. Keep going.” 

It would be easier to pretend if you weren’t currently trying to carve yourself into his womb. 

“That’s my good boy,” you murmur, cupping the side of his face. A thumb pushes between his lips, and he parts them eagerly, letting you press the pad of it against the back of his tongue. He doesn’t choke, has a negligible gag reflex. Grins up at you the best he can with your fingers in his mouth, showing you his sharp teeth. 

You push your cock deeper inside and the bulge grows larger in turn, making his belly almost round. Each time he thinks yeah, this is it, you push a little more inside, take up a little more space. It isn’t until he’s slobbering and panting with your fingers gagging him, fisting at the sheets above his shoulders, that you stop. 

Taking your wet fingers out, you smear the saliva over his face, and he gives a shuddering whine. You trail a hand down to fondle his tits, the plump flesh spilling out from between your fingers, buds swollen from being roughly played with earlier. 

“It’s a shame we can’t make these bigger, like down here.” You punctuate your sentence with an angled roll of your hips, the fat head of your cock poking out from his tummy. “What a sight that’d be, mm. You’d look like a woman.” 

Oh, well. They were already plenty. 

“Shut up,” he seethes breathlessly. “You talk too much.” 

Despite his words, you watch in amusement as pre-cum dribbles down the length of his hard cock, arousal heavy in the way it curves and flushes. At least his body’s being honest. The poor thing looks as though it were begging for release, twitching uselessly on his stomach. You want to flick it, fuck a finger into the slit, make him cry with overstimulation. 

“I don’t appreciate your attitude.” 

Without warning, you slap his tit, hard, branding it with a red handprint, and his glare locks into you in silent defiance. There’s a glint in his eye that tells you this is what he’s been looking for. 

“Why,” he drawls with a smirk, “am I too much for you to handle?” 

You smile. It was almost pitiful. 

“You’re asking the right question. Unfortunately, to the wrong person.” 

Pressing both of your hands into his belly, you thrust your hips against him, forcing him to take you deeper into his womb despite the heavy strain from above. Zoro sobs out, shivering as he’s completely impaled on your cock, huge girth making it fit even if it should be impossible. 

His nails dig into your forearms, and you spare him a glance. 

The sight makes your heart flutter.  

If sex was a person, you think, this would be it. There are tears dotting at his lashes, and a line of drool runs down the side of his face. He’s too fucked-out to use his own words, only shaking his head and mindlessly mouthing “more”. You take the opportunity to gag him with your fingers but he only sucks them obediently, unable to think. 

So this is what it feels like to take a monster apart. masterlist!

[lxkeee]

MY LOVE, IS MINE ALL MINE

—PART SEVEN

PAIRING: LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR X FEM! FALLEN ANGEL! READER

FANDOM: HAZBIN HOTEL

GENRE: ROMANCE

WARNINGS: CURSING & ADAM

NOTES: I tried to write the fight scene but I think it's shit sooo anyways, hope you guys like it lol

PART ONE | PART SIX | FINALE

“Are you worried...?” [y/n] asked softly against Lucifer's chest as they cuddled on his bed, his thumb rubbing circles on her back. These past few months they have gotten closer, though unsure how to speak about their growing feelings for each other. They both know but also don't know how to approach the other and talk about it. They had a mutual unspoken agreement that both of them aren't ready yet, especially Lucifer who cannot yet part from his beloved wedding ring.

Lucifer sighs, clearly worried. Today is the extermination day and he is scared for his daughter but despite his power, he doesn't have enough to intervene unless heaven breaks their contract then he'll have to do something about it.

“Of course, I am.” he whispers, his hand squeezing [y/n]'s waist slightly, [y/n] noticing it immediately and sighs before pulling herself away from his embrace and sitting down beside him on the empty spot of his bed, making Lucifer pout slightly at the loss of contact.

“I understand but if something does happen, we will both be there to help them.” [y/n] says with a small smile, poking the redness of his cheek. [Y/n] admired him, the soft pink lighting coming from the tinted windows caressing his light complexion, adding depth to his otherworldly beauty. Truly divine.

His eyes half-lidded as he gazed at her, she was sitting against the streak of light, the shadows accentuating her features, he admired her [e/c] eyes hidden behind her long eyelashes, the plumpness of her lips, the softness of her cheeks. All of her is beautiful to him.

Lucifer quickly shakes off his thoughts, what were they doing again?

With a sigh, he smiled at her, “Yes, we'll be there to help if something ever goes wrong.” he says, slowly intertwining his hand with hers and with her squeezing his in return after. The two looked at each other with smiles on their faces, eyes dilated as they saw the other through heart shaped glasses.

Unfortunately, the peaceful atmosphere was broken as Lucifer's eyes widened, something that [y/n] noticed immediately which made her worried.

“Is there something wrong?” [y/n] asked, worried as she can clearly see the distress look on Lucifer's face. He quickly sat up and held her shoulders.

“We have to go, now!” Lucifer exclaimed, distressed and [y/n] can already tell that something happened with Charlie. She nodded and allowed Lucifer to hold her hand as he pulled her inside with him to a portal he just opened.

Finally arriving, anger flashed within their veins. Realizing the situation, Charlie getting choked by none other than Adam, Vaggie being held back by Lute, and the others surrounded by multiple exorcists.

Lucifer and [y/n] looked at each other, not needing to speak what they wanted to convey to each other.

“I'll handle Adam.”

“Then I'll handle Lute and the others, stay safe.”

“You too. Please, I can't lose you too.”

Then they nodded and separated their ways. Lucifer immediately swoops down to save Charlie by punching Adam on the face and quickly catching the girl in his arms while [y/n] quickly swooped in to push Lute away from Vaggie.

Both Charlie and Vaggie's eyes widened, finally seeing the two powerful angelic beings they know.

“Dad!?” Charlie exclaimed, surprised but thankful he came to help her and her friends, turning to look at Vaggie who was supported by none other than [y/n], holding the girl's body in support.

“And Miss [y/n]?” she added, surprised that the woman is also here. Lucifer smiled down at his daughter, gently putting her down on to the ground.

“Sorry we weren't here sooner, sweetie.” He says softly, patting the girl's head. Charlie was just glad they are here.

[Y/n] turned to look at Vaggie, helping the poor girl by healing her wounds. “You poor thing, are you alright?” [y/n] asked her and Vaggie just nodded, shoulders relaxing as she felt her exhaustion and pain going away as the older woman healed her.

“Yes, now that you healed me. Thank you.” Vaggie says and [y/n] smiles before turning around at the sound of Adam grunting.

“Seriously! How many of you freaks do I have to fight?” Adam angrily says as he climbs back up the roof. Lucifer smirked as he began to pull his sleeves up as he approached Adam and Vaggie heard [y/n] whistle slightly.

“Oh I'm the only one that matters, see, you messed with my daughter and now... I am going to FUCK YOU!” Lucifer exclaimed proudly with a smirk on his face.

Silence. Clearly taken aback by the king of hell's statement. Some smirking and raising an eyebrow at him.

Me first... Wait who said that? [Y/n] thought to herself, almost chuckling. Vaggie looking at her, almost as if she could read her mind. [Y/n] just giving the ex-exorcist an innocent smile.

Charlie hesitantly leaned towards her father to whisper to his ear, “Its fuck you up, dad.” she says and Lucifer looked at her with confusion, “Wait... What did I say...?” he asked and was quickly pushed by Adam.

[Y/n]'s eyes demonically reddened in anger and her nails sharpened for a brief moment as she saw Lucifer getting hurt but quickly disappeared as Lucifer was able to come out unscratched. A sigh of relief left [y/n]'s lips. Vaggie just stood terrified next to her, the first witness to her demonic side.

[Y/n] gave a raised eyebrow at the girl, confused why the girl was so terrified of all of the sudden but quickly shakes her head as she flies down to help the others.

Snapping her fingers, golden chains came out of the ground and grabbed the exorcists' wrists. Flicking her wrist to flick the exorcists away from her friends. She's unsure if she's allowed to kill them so she opted in just throwing them as far as possible.

“You're the most hated being in all of creation!” Adam sneered angrily, annoyed as Lucifer kept dodging his attacks.

Lucifer smirked, “Whoah! Well your first wife didn't seem to hate what I have to offer or the second~! bow-chika-bow-wow!” He says, doing some thrust gestures which angered Adam even more.

“I'll fucking end you!” Adam growled as he tries to catch up to Lucifer.

She chuckled as she could slightly hear Lucifer making fun of Adam, Lucifer is clearly enjoying himself.

Turning around to look at the Hazbin Hotel crew, “Are you guys okay?” [y/n] asked and Angel Dust smirked, “Yeah, now that you guys are here toots!”

[Y/n] giggles, her wings flapping behind her back to keep her afloat, “Glad to know! Keep yourself safe? Mhmm? I'm going to help him a bit!” she says and Angel gave her a salute and continues to gun down the other exorcists.

Flying back to the roof to see Lute fighting Vaggie again, quickly summoning her chains to wrap around Lute's neck, “Leave her the fuck alone!” [y/n] screamed angrily, eyes burning red in anger and she quickly swung the chain, throwing the Lieutenant away from Vaggie. Charlie running towards them in concern.

“Vaggie! Are you okay?!” [y/n] asked worriedly, her normal appearance returning but her eyes widened as she saw Adam about to fire a large holy beam towards her, Charlie and Vaggie.

Without thinking, [y/n] quickly pushed the two girls away into a safe place. Making the two girls let out a surprised yelp.

The beam easily sliced through the hotel like a piece of cake. Caught off guard, [y/n] wasn't able to move her body into a proper flying position, rendering her wings useless. Making her fall, she screamed in surprise. Lucifer realizing that she's falling, his heart thumping in fear as he quickly swoops down, begging himself to reach her on time.

“[y/n]!” three people screamed in fear for her. She closed her eyes in fear, trying to calm herself down.

[Y/n] felt gentle yet strong arms catching her. She opened her eyes to see Lucifer looking down on her as he carried her princess style in his arms. He smiled at her, “I got ya.” he says with a charming smile, though [y/n] can tell he was scared for her based on his tone.

She smiled at him but she noticed something approaching behind Lucifer, realizing it was Adam who was approaching them in fury. [Y/n]'s eyes widened, her sclera turning red again.

“Lucifer look out!” [y/n] screamed in anger, her hand was able to catch Adam's punch, her now demonically long nails gripping into the first man's skin in anger.

Lucifer was caught off guard at [y/n]'s demonic form, this is the first time he's seen it and he assumed it just manifested. Despite her terrifying demonic appearance, he still found her very attractive.

He shakes off those thoughts, clearly not the proper time to have them. His own eyes turn red in anger from Adam. He then pulled Adam's arm and pulled the man in front of him and kicked him down to the cold hard cement.

He gently let go of [y/n] allowing her to fly by his side despite the absolute fury he was feeling. His more demonic side showing.

[Y/n] found him to be absolutely breathtaking. So this is the king of hell. She thought, her red sclera eyes admiring him. She didn't even notice that she too was in her demon form. Goat-like horns curled at the sides of her head, her teeth slightly now sharper, eyes now red, nails are now sharper. Her halo above her head is now dark red.

[Y/n] watched as Lucifer approached Adam, holding the man's collar as Lucifer began to punch him.

“You come at me and my family! Don't forget, you're in my house bitch!” he grins maniacally and was about to give him a finishing blow as he held his hands above his head, a ball of fire forming on his hands but Charlie stopped him.

“Woah, whoah, dad stop! He's had enough.” Charlie says and Lucifer was brought back to reality. Lucifer calmed down and walked away, “How does mercy taste like you little bitch?” he asked with a smirk, flying up the crater in which [y/n] helped him up by offering her hand in which he gladly accepted.

Both of them calming down, their demonic features slowly disappearing. “Are you okay?” [y/n] asked him softly and Lucifer shrugs with a small smile, finally taking in her new features—the curled up goat-like horns and dark red halo above her head. Beautiful as always.

“I'm fine, I love your horns.” He says with a small smile and [y/n]'s eyes widened, her hand immediately reaching up to her head to feel the new horns that grew. She looked at him with slight nervousness, “Does it make me look weird?” she asked and Lucifer shook his head, “Never. Horns or not, you looked beautiful as always.” he says with a charming smirk, making [y/n] blush, “Charming as always.” she says with a giggle but their attention was diverted to hear Adam groan in pain.

“No... You don't get to end this.” Adam growled in pain, weakly standing up from the rubble of where he crashed, “I'm fucking Adam! I'm the fucking man!” he yelled, turning to look at Lucifer and [y/n], “And you're just some fucking clown and you're just a bitch or something!” Lucifer's eyes sharpened when he heard what he called [y/n], “What did you call her?!” Lucifer sneered and he was about to give the angel a piece of his mind when [y/n] held out her arm to stop him and she shook her head at him.

“I started everything on earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts!” Adam exclaimed and [y/n] visibly looked disgusted at Adam as she listened to him talk.

“You all should be worshipping me! You ungrateful, disgusting, fucking, loser—aaah!” he screamed in pain and the others just looked at him in surprise to see something impaled the first man.

“Uhh... You got something stuck in your...” Lucifer hesitantly pointed at Adam's chest and [y/n] nodded, visibly concerned.

Adam passes out face first and it revealed that Niffty stabbed him.

“Niffty?!” [y/n] and Charlie exclaimed, Niffty just gave a maniacal grin as she began to continuously stab Adam, “YEAH STAB STAB STAB STAB!” the smaller girl giggles insanely before walking away.

“Noooo! Sirrr!” Lute screamed in horror, quickly approaching Adam and calling out to him.

Lucifer approached the two, clearly still mad, “It's over.” Charlie says standing beside her father, “Take your little friends AND GO HOME!” Lucifer growled, fuming before immediately smiling, “Please.” he added.

Lute glared at him, taking Adam's halo with her. “ALL EXORCISTS FALL BACK AND RETREAT!” She orders, flying up as a portal opened for the exorcists' to pass through.

The others watching the angels leave and also watch the portal closed.

Lucifer turns to look at them with a grin on his face, “So... How about some pancakes?” he asked and Niffty raised her hand excitedly. [Y/n] just chuckles and shakes her head, turning to look at the chaos and destruction the angels left. There's still so much to fix.

TAGLIST

@selvyyr @leo4242564 @blushhpeachh @lunanight1021 @dvc4 @nehy019 @lu-ferri12 @lilteamushroom @froggybich @eddiemunson4ever @who-let-me-write-this @gurutan27 @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @hcneyiced @valerie-36 @jovialcat123 @b0nn1e @raeinn @wally-darling-hyperfixation @faefanatic @trashbin-nie @n1chxyaaenthusiast @cherry-4200 @luleck @adaizel @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @thedarkkitten @brithedemonspawn @kottenox @totallymitya @many-fandoms-lover @hxzbinwrites @snoozewritezz @juskonutoh @mayhimouto513 @hcneyiced @koirb @viylikescats @ren-ren23 @kouyoumarryme @dou-dou @thatsquitepoggers @rosecatlady18 @avitute @rosecatlady18 @crescent-z

[moonlightsolo]

i see you.

summary: being the product of a secret relationship between a human scientist and a na’vi comes with its perks. one of them being neteyam sully.

pairing: neteyam x fem!na’vi/human reader

warnings: heavvyyyyyyy smooching, angry jake, mention of parent dying/leaving, also things get a lil spicy, one use of y/n.

note: tell a friend to tell a friend she’s baaaaaack !!!!! i haven’t written something in so long so my grammar is kinda shit, so if you see something that doesn’t make sense ignore it! anyway- reader & neteyam are aged up to twenty years old. also reader is 6ft since she’s na’vi/human, but she’s still small compared to him since he’s like 8’2. 

part two | part three | part four | part five

no one knew how it happened- how you happened. how a human scientist and na’vi mated; it should have been impossible, but somehow they made it possible. 

your mother travelled from earth to pandora to study the native species of the omaticaya clan. during her studies, one particular na’vi caught her eye, and sooner than later they developed a secret relationship and fell deeply in love. 

they were inseparable- he taught her the ways of the forest and showed her how the na’vi live day to day. while your mother brought him along to collect samples of the environment around her, and he kept her safe as they explored.

the battle between the sky people and the na’vi, unfortunately ended with your father dying at the hands of your mothers colleagues. the omaticaya finally won, but when the rest of the human soldiers were sent back to earth, your mother was stuck. 

she was unable to travel in cryosleep while carrying you, so she was forced to stay on pandora and live out the rest of her pregnancy on the foreign planet. 

the only person who knew the identity of your father, was your mother and grace. everyone else assumed some soldier knocked up your mom, but boy, were they wrong. 

when you were born, your eye shape and color of your skin resembled your mothers, but the color of your irises were a deep amber, almost glowing yellow. darkened skin-colored stripes decorate your body head to toe, and white freckles adorn your facial features. 

the secret was out- you’re half na’vi, and half human. 

once the clan found out the scientists child is part na’vi, they took you under their wing to teach you their ways. your mother became extremely jealous, knowing that she could never be accepted by them like you have.

at the mere age of four, your mother left the base to travel back to earth without you. leaving you under the care of norm, max, jake and the rest of the clan.

thankfully being part na’vi and human, you’re able to breathe both types of air. mo’at became your motherly figure once your mom disappeared, quickly helping you adapt to their lifestyle in the forest.

over the years, you started to realize that you were different from the other na’vi children. you’re shorter in height, aren’t as fast, and you didn’t have their azure-colored skin. but somehow, you still felt as if you were a part of them. 

you became close to neytiri and jake’s kids, mostly kiri. you grew up with her and neteyam, but as you blossomed into a woman you wouldn’t dare to look him in the eyes. 

fearing that he’d realize your true feelings for him if he stared into them too long. 

throughout your teen years, you casually dated a few na’vi boys, but none of them were neteyam sully. nobody could compare, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. 

even now as a young adult, those old feelings can’t be choked down anymore. the same feelings you had about the eldest sully boy when you were younger. 

“stop drooling.” kiri teases you under her breath as her hands work to weave a basket. 

you’re knocked out of your trance, head whipping to face her. “no! i am not drooling.” you scoff and shake your head as you continue tucking leaves into the correct shape. you can feel your cheeks burning hot from her catching you staring at her older brother. 

you glance up from your working hands, admiring how neteyam effortlessly spears a fish in the water that he’s standing ankle-deep in. he lets out a triumphant laugh as lo’ak hollers proudly at him from the grass. 

“yeah, bro! get that fiiiiiish!” the younger boy whoops happily with his hands cupped around his mouth to amplify the sound.

the older brother turns his head to see who else could have noticed the catch, barely making eye contact with you before your eyes drop back down to your hands. 

swiftly, you busy yourself with tucking the leaves into each other. your pointed ears twitch slightly when you notice the sound of rustling water growing closer. 

kiri nudges your arm with her shoulder which confirms your suspicions.

he’s walking up to you. why is he walking up to you? you didn’t say anything to him. you didn’t even get a good look at him. there’s no reason for him to come over here.

from your peripheral vision, you can see his feet stop right in front of you in the glittering water. “hey guys.” he speaks softly, almost out of breath.

“hey, neteyam!” kiri quips at him, eyeing you from the corner of her eye with an evil grin.

the sound of his panting voice makes your heart  skip a beat and your abdomen constrict your breathing. you push the basket away from your nervous hands to rest them on your knees. your eyes carefully drag up the lanky expanse of his body, meeting his eyes with your own.

“oh hey, neteyam. how’s… um- the fishing going?” you hum nervously, chewing on your bottom lip out of a nervous habit. 

you can’t help but notice his hands are resting on his slender hips with his infamous bright smile on his face. 

“it was good. caught a few big ones…” he huffs out another strained breath. the sound makes you want to fall over, “what are you guys doing?” his eyes dart over to the trees for a split second before squatting down in front of you and kiri. 

his big round eyes look over your unfinished baskets, reaching out to touch yours gently. 

“hey! don’t touch. you’ll ruin it.” kiri swats at his grabby hands, making him raise his arms in surrender. “okay, okay!” he laughs. 

the sound of rustling leaves distracts you from the boy in front of you, making you and kiri turn to look behind your backs. before you could even make it halfway, his hands wrap around your wrists to yank you forward. 

“shit!!” you yelp before you face-plant into the chilly water, gurgling under the surface before lifting your head up, taking a sharp breath.

muffled laughter fills your ears as you sit up in the pond, pushing your soaked hair out of your face and off of your ears so you could hear. 

neteyam is sitting in the pond directly in front of you, hand laying across his abdomen as he belly laughs along with lo’ak. 

kiri is already climbing out of the water, grumbling under her breath and wringing out her hair. “screw you guys.” she calls back, flipping her middle finger before disappearing into the thick forest towards home. 

you look back at neteyam and lo’ak who are slightly calming down between their fits of laughter. “you… should… see… your… face… right… now!” neteyam cackles, throwing his head back in the air. 

“best idea, bro.” lo’ak reaches over to high five his brothers shoulder and to use him to pull himself out of the water. he grabs neteyam’s hand to help him up next, both of them still giggling.

“this was your idea?” you stare up at neteyam with squinted eyes and a scowl on your face. 

the boy audibly gulps when he notices your changed demeanor, his hand going to scratch the back of his neck. “uuhh, yeah… maybe?” he clears his throat, darting his eyes away from you. 

for a moment, you keep the angry facade before your arm winds back and you send your hand through the water to splash the older boy. 

“woah!” neteyam blocks the water with one of his hands, a surprised smile instantly forming on his perfect lips.

he swoops down towards the water, sending a wave directly into your face. “hey!” your eyebrows furrow, quickly getting onto your knees to send another burst of water towards him. 

lo’ak watches the scene unfolding in front of him, noticing that the rest of the fish swam away from the commotion. “guess we’re done fishing today.” he sighs in defeat and climbs out of the pond without either of you noticing. he follows kiri’s footsteps into the forest with the basket of fish over his shoulder.

you and neteyam continue battling it out, which ends in both of you completely soaked head to toe. “truce! truce!” you yell out in exasperation, falling back into the water. 

“my stomach hurts from laughing. i can’t anymore.” you continue to giggle as neteyam helps you up from your position in the water. he slowly trails behind you as you trudge back towards land, his tall stature towers over you from behind. he reaches out to grip your hips to lift you onto the plush grass. 

the feeling of his hands resting on your body makes your blood run hot, cheeks flaring with heat. 

“we’re drenched. what are we going to tell everyone?” he breathes out heavily with a soft chuckle. 

“we slipped and fell into the water?” you suggest and look up at him.

“we just happened to both slip and fall into the water together?” his eyebrows raise, and his cheeks puff out air in attempt to not laugh.

unfortunately, neteyam decides to look down at you which makes both of you burst into laughter again, “that idea is so stupid.” he choked out, pressing his fist to his mouth to stifle his little laughs. 

“let’s go back. we can figure it out on the way.” you sputter out, hunching over slightly as you walk forward in attempt to stop your giggles.

“hey, wait!” neteyam’s voice is suddenly serious, and you can’t feel his height looming behind you anymore.

you turn around at the sound of his voice, seeing he’s still in the same spot he was standing in. “i don’t want to go back yet.” he admits, his big round eyes darting down to his feet. 

you can feel your heartbeat grow faster, pattering against your chest like a jackhammer. “why not? you okay?” you take a hesitant step forward to stand underneath him, looking up in attempt to read his facial features.

by now, the sun is starting to set. the foliage around you both is slowly changing over, the white freckles in each others skin sparkling under the moonlight. 

his yellow eyes shyly look into yours, a timid smile twitching up onto the corner of his lips. 

“m’fine, i promise. i just want to stay here for a little longer. i don’t want to go back just yet.” he mumbles softly, a puff of his breath fans over your face from your close proximity. 

you can’t help but feel giddy from his words, unable to stop yourself from reaching your hand out to rest on his waist. your thumb absentmindedly rubs circles against his soft skin, “do you mind if i stay with you?” 

“do i mind?” he scoffs with a roll of his eyes, throwing his head back with an over-exaggerated sigh. 

embarrassment floods your body, making your ears ring from the blood rushing through your head. out of fear he’s angry with you, your hand pulls away from him, “oh i’m sorry. i’ll go then.” you start to turn the opposite way but he grabs your hips to keep you in place. 

“are you serious? you really don’t get it do you?” he almost laughs out of amusement, but you can’t help but feel even more confused. 

“i want you to stay here with me. i want you.” one of his hands come up from his side, bending down slightly to carefully tuck your hair behind one of your ears. 

your face stays emotionless as your eyes dart from his eyes to lips and back. “say something. anything?” he begs and shakes his head at you with an amused smile. 

“‘teyam��” you breathe out, a big smile beaming across your face, hands reaching up to cup his cheeks; something you could’ve only dreamed of doing. “i can’t tell if you’re being serious.” you whisper softly in the small amount of space between your faces.

“i’m gonna kiss you now to show you how serious i am.” he looks directly into your eyes before they flutter shut and he leans forward. 

the feeling of his lips on yours makes your knees go weak. neteyam sully is really kissing you right now. your arms wrap around his waist tightly to hold yourself up, which he quickly notices. 

his large hands drag down your sides and over your butt to grip the back of your thighs to hoist you up to his height. your legs instinctively wrap around his waist, ankles locking against his lower back. 

the new position allows him to deepen the kiss even more by gently wiggling his tongue against yours. he stumbles forward to a nearby tree, pressing your back against the trunk of it. 

it’s not like he’s having trouble carrying you, you’re equivalent to a feather for him. he just wants you closer. 

one of his braids falls in your face, swinging and tapping your cheek whenever your lips would connect.

“your hair…” you giggle against his lips, bringing your hand up to his face to tuck it back behind his ear. 

“sorry, they have a mind of their own, ya know.” his husky voice mumbles deeply into your ear, making goosebumps rise on your skin. 

your eyes flutter open to be met with the glowing forest, neon colors lighting up the vegetation around you both. you’ve been on this planet for twenty years and it still surprises you every day. 

neteyam pulls back to look you in the eyes, letting you admire his face for a moment. his blue skin seems brighter under the bioluminescent foliage. especially with the gleaming freckles that paint his skin. 

“ma neteyam, you’re so pretty.” your hand cups his soft cheek which he nuzzles into your palm almost instantaneously.

“no, you’re the pretty one, my girl.” he leans forward to peck your lips once more. the little nickname makes your stomach do somersaults in your belly. his tail flicks up happily against your ankle, tickling your lower leg.

neteyam takes the time to gently kiss down your neck and over your collarbone, “i want you to be mine.” he almost whimpers. his nose nuzzles against your pulse point as his lips continue litter your neck with kisses. 

“will your parents approve?” your voice slightly quivers, “you’re next in line to become eytukan. i’m not a full-blood. i don’t think-.” your rambling is paused by his lips pressing against the tip of your nose. 

“i don’t care what they think. plus, you know my dad likes you.” he gives you a reassuring smile, bringing one of his hands up to cup your cheek. you can’t help but take note that his palm and fingers cover the entire side of your head. 

“yeah, but your mom…” you trail off, not wanting to seem rude by talking about his mother, but you know that she has a problem with humans. you’ve seen the way she looks at spider. 

“look, i’m half-blood too. i don’t think my mom is going to care, plus you’ve been around our family for years. she likes you, i promise.” 

“i’m not one of you. i’m different, neteyam.” you let out shakily, “i’m small and not as fast, i can’t keep up with you.” your eyes dart to the side as you chew on the skin of your lip. 

“look, i know she can be tough, but i promise you, i don’t care what she thinks. since i was a teenager, i realized that i wanted you. i wasn’t brave enough to tell you that until now, but i don’t give a shit about our differences.” his hand grips your jaw with his hand, turning your face towards him so he can look into your watery eyes. 

“i see you, y/n.” his doe-like eyes flicker over your face, trying to read your expression. his eyes are full of adoration and love for the girl in his arms. 

your breath gets caught in your throat, “and i see you.” both of your hands slide up from his chest to rest on either side of his face, pulling him in for another kiss. 

on the way up, you accidentally brush against the voice comm device on his necklace. not knowing it would activate and relay sound through his father’s, mothers, and lo’ak’s ear piece. 

you both gasp into each others mouth when he ruts his hips against your center, the pressure pins your hips to the tree behind you. 

“what is that sound? who has their comm on?”you hear a low muffled voice coming from somewhere. 

neteyam instantly pulls away from the heated kiss, eyes wide with terror and embarrassment. your lips parting lets off a loud suction noise when he pulls away, now making it obvious what the sounds were coming from.

neteyam holds you up with one arm while he uses the other to click on a button on his necklace to turn it off, “it’s my dad.” 

“it’s just neteyam sucking face.” you hear lo’aks voice come through clearly in his ear piece. 

the boys head falls forward to rest on your chest, letting out the loudest over-exaggerated groan of annoyance. the puff of his hot breath against your damp skin makes a shiver shoot down your spine.

you can’t help but giggle and gently pet the top of his head in attempt to console him, “i’m never going to live this down.” he speaks against your skin, grumbling obscenities under his breath. 

“neteyam! where are you, boy?” jake shouts into his ear. 

he taps your thigh to signal you to release your grip from around his waist. he gently lowers you back down to the ground before answering him, “i’m here, dad. i’m here.” 

you can’t help but lean your head on his elbow since that’s the only place you can reach. you grab one of his hands, bringing it to your face to examine it. 

you thread your fingers through his much larger ones, squeezing his hand with your own. you almost laugh at how his hand engulfs yours. 

“yeah, mmmhmm. yeah, okay. i hear you. lo’ak shut up. i got it. we’ll be there soon.” neteyam responds to whoever is talking in his ear. 

“is everything okay?” you mumble quietly, peering up at him through your eyelashes. 

“they want us to come back, but i think everything is okay.” he smiles down at you, pulling you into his side while still holding your hand. 

neteyam leads you through the thick brush of the forest to his ikran. the banshee chirps at the sight of it’s owner, fluttering it’s wings in excitement. “hey, buddy.” neteyam hums and rubs it’s head. 

he reaches around his back for his braid, bringing it forward to make bond with the animal. neteyam effortlessly mounts onto the bird, reaching a hand out for you to take.

you step forward to slide your hand into his so he could help you on and get situated. “hold on tight.” he peers down at you from behind his shoulder with a smirk before the ikran nosedives off of the tree branch. 

“oooohhhhh my god!” you screech as your arms desperately flail around his waist, holding onto him as tightly as you can. 

he can’t help but laugh at your scream once he levels out, now coasting through the sky through the floating mountains. one of his hands reaches back to grip your thigh to pull you even closer to him. 

you hesitantly open your eyes, looking down into the glowing scenery beneath you. “beautiful, right?” his voice raises over the loud whooshing of the wind. 

“i love it.” you squeeze his torso tight, snuggling your temple into the crook of his back as you coast through the air. 

the ikran dips down slightly, making you gasp and tighten around his body. neteyam chuckles, his hand rests on your leg to slowly rub gentle circles into your skin to calm you. 

“hold on, we’re gonna descend.” he leans forward with the ikran, plunging downwards toward the ground once again. you squeal loudly, wriggling behind him in attempt to get closer to him. 

neteyam chuckles, shaking his head as he weaves and bobs between trees to make it back home. the ikran vertically swoops up into the large crevasse in the cave floor, landing on the rocky floor. 

neteyam hops easily off the ikran, disconnecting tsaheylu before his hands grip your waist to lift your body up to place you on the ground next to him.

“what were you guys thinking staying out past curfew?” jake storms up to you both, obviously angry. 

“i know, but i can handle myself. i know how to fight.” neteyam grumbles back, making jake even angrier with his son. if steam could shoot out of his ears at this moment, it would. 

“i know that you know how to fight, son. but the rda, they could be roaming anywhere. it’s dangerous, especially putting her in that situation.” he looks down at you, then turns his attention back to his son.

before jake could lecture him even more, you decide to intervene, “i’m sorry, sir. it’s all my fault we stayed out. i persuaded him to stay… to uh- fly around,” you glance up at neteyam through the corner of your eye, “i take full responsibility.” you nod at jake, gulping down your nervousness. 

jake sighs as he rubs his temples with one of his hands, “so then what’s the reason why both of you are soaked?” he points out, making you instantly freeze from not knowing what to say. 

neteyam’s hand comes up to rest on your shoulder, “to be honest, we were wrestling in the water.” 

your eyes blow wide from his words, turning to him to stare daggers into the side of his face. 

“wrestling… in the water?” jake almost laughs, “look i didn’t need to know that much. you couldn’t come up with a better excuse than that?” 

“oh shit.” neteyam whispers under his breath, “no, dad, it’s not like that at all. i meant… we were just splashing each other after fishing. it wasn’t anything like that.” 

“look, you two just be safe and keep it on the down-low. and next time, please take off your comm, ‘kay?” jake lowers his voice before shaking his head in disbelief and turning on his heel to head back. 

“so he thinks we had sex then, huh?” you breathe out defeat, looking up at neteyam. the boy lets out a huff of air as he watches his father walk away, “yeah i guess so.” his voice has a slight tinge of humor to it. 

the hand resting on your shoulder pulls you into his side with a little chuckle. he starts walking with you toward the pod where the scientists sleep. 

he follows you up the steps to the door, pausing a few steps down before you could open it. his face now parallel to yours since you’re higher on the stairs. 

you smile down at him, reaching out to gently pinch his chin to pull his face forward. you press your lips against his softly, as if he was a delicate flower petal. “i had fun tonight.” you mumble with a smile against his lips before pulling back. 

neteyam presses forward to chase your lips with his, trying to breathe in as much of you as he could. “don’t wanna let you go yet… wanna kiss you more.” he desperately pulls you forward to kiss you again, sucking in a sharp breath. 

your arms lazily drape over his shoulders to kiss him slowly, and tantalizingly. he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth, gently nibbling the skin before making his way down to nuzzle into the crook of your neck. 

“gotta go to bed before my mother has me by my throat.” his words make you laugh as you twirl one of his braids between your fingers. 

“tomorrow i wanna take you somewhere. will you let me?” he pulls back with a smile, thumb rubbing the skin of your outer thigh. 

“of course, i would love to. but where though?” you question with your fingers still busy messing with his hair. 

“it’s a surprise.” he hums playfully making your eyebrows furrow from curiosity of where it could be. 

“i love surprises.” you grin, leaning forward to peck his lips once more before attempting to completely pull away. neteyam groans from the warmth of your body leaving him, his arms wrap around your legs to keep you in place. 

“don’t leaaaaave.” he whines, resting his chin on your chest to look up at you. 

“i need to shower and clean up before bed. plus your mother is going to have your throat, ya know.” you poke his little pink nose, making his face scrunch up cutely.

“you’re right, you’re right.” he grumbles sadly, patting your outer thigh before he completely pulls back and stands up straight. he leans forward to swiftly peck your lips, “just needed one more, m’sorry. i’ll see you tomorrow.” he turns around to climb down the rest of the steps. 

“goodnight, neteyam!” you shout at him as you unlatch the metal door. 

he turns around at the sound of your voice, “goodnight.” he whisper-yells back at you as he slowly walks backwards to watch you slip inside. 

neteyam’s smile on his face doesn’t falter, not even for one second. the only thing on his mind is you. he never would have imagined that his day would have ended like this. confessing his feelings to you, and kissing you goodnight. it’s almost as if he’s living through a fantasy his younger self dreamed of. 

the excitement of you makes him toss and turn throughout the night; it makes him nervous, knowing that he is already head over heels for you and in too deep- but all he can worry about now, is seeing you tomorrow. 

-

tags: @k----a27s @aspenreadsfanfic @aliseaaah

[yuri-is-online]

Without Saying (Floyd and Ruggie x Yuu)

"Oh can I help you? You seem to be lost." You attempt to cheerfully ask the vaguely familiar looking person in front of you. As if he is deliberately trying to rub salt in your wounds, Crowley ignored your request to leave campus for NRC parents day and is instead making you and Grim run errands. The person in front of you, blissfully ignorant to your inner turmoil perks up at your attention.

"Forgive me for asking, but are you the magicless prefect?" You and Grim exchange a confused glance. "You've got to be right?" They're practically glowing with how happy they are to see you. " Oh I'm sorry, I've just heard so much about you!" Wait, what?

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, feral ariel (Floyd) vs light angst again (Ruggie). If you liked this please check out the previous parts on my masterlist.

Floyd

Under normal circumstances, a quiet Floyd was a suspicious Floyd but today- well today it was just odd. He doesn't look bored per se, just idle standing next to a very tall woman with similarly colored hair who is slowly, carefully, with extreme focus examining every inch of what you think is a novelty piggy bank shaped like the school's wishing well.

"Are you done yet Mamma?" Floyd sounds like he is being careful not to yawn.

"Hush now Floydie," she doesn't even blink, that's how tight her focus is, "Mamma is concentrating." Mrs. Leech's lips are tightly pursed while Floyd mutters something about going to get some candy and slinks off while you question if getting involved in this conversation is part of your job description or even smart. Unfortunately for you by the time you look back up from your clipboard Mrs. Leech has moved directly in front of your face in complete silence. "Human-" you go to scream but she silences you with a look you can't tell is from magic or practice raising the twins "Human can you help me with something?" She doesn't even wait for you to agree before holding up the piggy bank. "What exactly is the purpose of this object?"

"That?" You are surprised your voice doesn't give out entirely as she vigorously nods. "The piggy bank?"

"I see, I see." She nods sagely, immediately whipping around to where she evidently thought her son still was, shrugging undeterred as she decides to simply yell. "FLOYD! IT'S CALLED A PIGGY BANK."

"That's nice Mamma." Calls Floyd, oddly coming off as polite and rational from somewhere deep within the Mystery Shop. " But like what does it do?"

"EXCELLENT QUESTION! Say human what does it do?" You are deeply tempted to say that this woman cannot be serious but you don't really want to find out. You draw yourself up to your full height and nod.

"You put coins in it." Mrs. Leech blinks, a bit taken aback.

"Wait really?" Bravely, with a reasonable fear of being bitten, you reach over and gently lift up the top of the wishing well to show her the coin slot.

"I'm pretty sure this one plays a song when you put a coin in too." You explain.

"But it's so tiny?" She marvels, repeatedly opening and shutting the top of the bank. "How're you supposed to keep your money safe if it's so fragile? But then again I do keep most of mine with my husband..."

"Uhm it's supposed to be a fun gift for little kids." It occurs to you that she might find that offensive since it did look like she was buying it for herself. "To teach them about saving money, at least where I'm from anyway."

"Oh how cute. That settles it, I am definitely getting this." As if sensing that it is check out time Floyd shuffles over and immediately perks up.

"Little Shrimpy! Were you the one helping my mom?" He seems really happy, causing you to breathe a light sigh of relief. Mrs. Leech looks confused, zeroing in on you with the same concentration from earlier.

"Yeah. Trying to anyway." You nervously say; Mrs. Leech's attention turns to her son.

"Aww, how cute. You fishin' for a favor shrimpy?" Normally you would play along with his teasing, but your eyes dart awkwardly to Mrs. Leech whose attention is back on you, then the piggy bank, then you then her son, then you agai-

"Not really, I'm just trying to do my job." You awkwardly laugh and Floyd pouts.

"Spring or Summer?" Mrs. Leech asks cheerfully. To your surprise she has somehow managed to snatch up a second piggy bank within the .2 seconds since you took her attention off her.

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh just wondering that's all." She has a very serene smile on her face. Almost too serene. Like you just somehow signed away your soul because you didn't read some fine print. "I'm more partial to Spring myself." You try to look to Floyd for some context but for some reason, he's refusing to make eye contact. Weird.

Ruggie

"Thank you dear." The elderly beastwoman breathes a sigh of relief as you help her settle onto a bench next to the Coliseum. "Goodness, Ruggie warned me this place was big but I didn't realize just how serious he was." You nod, unscrewing the cap on one of the water bottles you brought with you for the old lady. She takes it thankfully and you breathe a gentle sigh of relief, not that Granny Bucchi had been anything more than a bit winded when you found her, but it was still worrying to see an old woman bent over like that. "I really should have just waited for him."

"Didn't he promise to meet you at the mirror chamber?" You ask, trying not to sound too judgmental. You find it hard to believe someone who spoke as fondly of his grandmother at Ruggie wouldn't want to escort her around, Granny Bucchi looks at you sheepishly sort of confirming that.

"He doesn't actually know that I'm here just yet, I wanted to surprise him." She tries to pass you back the water back but you shake your head. The two of you lapse into a comfortable silence, the sort you only ever get while relaxing with a cup of tea, or in this case a nice old lady who is genuinely enjoying the campus scenery. It's so nice Grim curls himself up into your lap for a little nap. Granny Bucchi scratches just the right place behind his ears to convince the "not a cat" to let out a very cat like purr.

"Did you send him a message to let him know your here?" You whisper, trying not to wake your baby. "If not I can send him one." She lets out a small laugh, similar in sound to her grandson's but still very much her somehow.

"Oh I am sure he'd be half way here already if he knew I had you to myself. Who knows what sort of ideas I could be putting in that head of yours." She winks and takes out her phone, squinting at the keys trying to piece together a message. "You should still send him one though, you'll probably be faster than me."

"Do you mind if I take a picture?" You ask sheepishly. "You know so Ruggie knows you're ok." Lies you just want a picture of you with Granny Bucchi. Sure, to Twisted Wonderland she is just some lady, but she is easily celebrity tier to you with how much glowing praise Ruggie heaps on her.

"Oh please do!" To your surprise she seems genuinely excited and strikes a little pose. What a natural, Vil has nothing on this woman. Not that you are going to say that out loud because you don't have a death wish. You happily text Ruggie as Granny Bucchi looks on fondly. "Do you like taking pictures?" Her voice is much softer than it has been in the admittedly little conversation you have had. "Ruggie sends me a lot of the ones you've given him from your ghost camera, I keep trying to ask him if you're planning on being a photographer in the future but he always dodges the question." She's clearly curious and you can't blame her, you just aren't sure how to answer.

"The future is a bit complicated for me." Is what you settle on, really hoping it doesn't loose you points.

"Oh you don't need to feel bad about that." Her eyes are filled with warmth and affection that you haven't felt in a long time, it's enough to make you want to cry. "Technically the future is complicated for everyone, some of us just muscle through it better than others. Case in point." Granny hauls her self up and nudges you to turn around. Ruggie is staring at both of you with a strange look in his eyes, but when he makes eye contact with you he shakes himself out of whatever mood that was and jogs up to meet you both.

It would be nice, you think, if you could do this again.

[darlingsblackbook]

Gojo Satoru x Reader

Summary : The time of an old pact, promising your hand to the heir of the Gojo clan, has come. It is now your wedding, how will the two of you continue from here?

Wordcount : 1k

Warnings : Arranged marriage, mention of Naoya ( yes, he is a warning ) english is not my first language, feel free to correct me if you see any mistakes but please be respectful about it. ( I will cry otherwise )

A/N : To be honest, I write the reader with myself in mind. I have not mentioned hair color, eye color or body shape but a lot of personality traits, like being shy and awkward, were from me :) I might make this a short series with parts of their lives, feel free to leave suggestions!

There was this ringing in your ear. It was the only thing you could hear—not the only sound. No, there were many sounds—all so muffled—there was so much happening all around you. Too many things were happening, and you just could not keep up with any of them. You felt so detached from everything happening around you; nothing felt real; you did not feel real.

You were numb, not yourself.

The only thing you could focus on was the ringing in your ear.

Until that one voice cut right through it.

"You could at least smile, you know?"

And suddenly all the water in your ears that was muffling the world around you rushed right out of your ears, and you could hear everything.

Music, laughter, singing, aunties gossiping.

You blinked once, then once again, and one last time before you lifted your head to gaze over the sea of guests through your veil.

And you were back to reality again. You were back to being the new bride—the new lady of the Gojo clan.

"The situation may not be ideal, even I can admit that, but I am not the worst person you could have been paired with." Your husband sounded amused, "Like Zen'in, for example. Can you imagine being even just acquaintances with Naoya? Blegh," he stuck his tongue out.

Your husband.

Gojo Satoru—the strongest—was your husband.

You were from an ancient clan, not as big or flashy as the elite clans of the jujutsu world. They were not even sorcerers.

However, your family had a unique trait. They were not sorcerers, but through dreams and visions, your family had the ability to predict the future. Just like your husband, your power lay in your eyes. They could not only see curses but they could also see through the veil, to the other side.

Unfortunately, the unique ability had been appearing less and less throughout the centuries and, just like your husband, you were the first in so many years to be born with the ability.

A seer.

The family heads of the elite clans are greedy; they all want to be better, stronger than the other. What better way to be a step ahead of your enemy than by knowing what will happen in the future and owning the eyes that could potentially be even stronger than those of the Gojo brat?

They all came knocking on the doors of your estate as soon as the word went out that the first seer in so long had been born. Well, you were already a few years old at the time, but only when you were a bit older could you communicate what you were seeing with your family.

Smaller clans, clans that had weakened and faded into the background, came knocking in hopes of rising to the top again.

The Kamo clan, willing to set aside their values of keeping the bloodline pure, came knocking.

The Zen'in clan—your grandfather, the current head of your clan, had immediately shot their offer down. The hand of his precious granddaughter for their heir? No way.

Only one of the big three had not come knocking, and it was only a mere two weeks ago that you found out why.

Knowing that both the abilities of the Gojo clan and L/N clan had been appearing less frequently, your grandfathers, being close friends, had made a pact. The hand of the next woman born with the L/N clan's abilities would be given to the heir of the Gojo clan if he had inherited the Six Eyes.

You had been promised to them before you were even born.

Of course, you only found out on a random Saturday night as you were getting ready to retire for the day. You were in such shock, you could not even resist—not that you wanted to. You had always known there was a big chance of being in an arranged marriage, and actually, you had been happy with it. Being the socially awkward, shy girl had always made it hard to make friends, let alone have a romantic relationship.

You had such a big heart full of love to give, but there was no one willing to receive it. You wanted someone, just for you, so badly, but there was no way you could do it on your own.

So now you were here, sitting next to your husband, at your wedding.

Happy, but in shock at how fast things went and having absolutely no idea how to act.

"-esides, look at how handsome I am~"

You averted your gaze to him. For the first time that night, you really took your time to just take him in.

Indeed, the rumors of his good looks proved to be true—much to your delight. His hair, as white as snow, looked so soft you were tempted to just reach a hand out to caress it. His bright blue eyes—a shade you had never seen, they are so pretty.

His eyebrows shot up, a certain twinkle appearing in his eyes. "I am glad you think so, wife."

"Huh?" You responded, dumbfounded. "Did I...?"

"Say it out loud?" Satoru finished your question. "Yes, you did."

Your cheeks felt like they were on fire at this point. You went from being too shy to talk to men to getting married and embarrassing yourself, all in one night.

"I..uhm..sorry," you managed to squeak out. He was just so handsome, face and body. You could see his muscles through his clothes; he was so big and, of course, older.

He suddenly leaned in, his nose just centimeters from yours, "For what?" He tilted his head to the side, eyes glancing at your lips.

You opened your mouth, but no answer came out. You tilted your chin downwards a bit, shyly looking at him through your long lashes, looking so adorable to him....

You decided to just answer with a shrug.

His lips curled up in a sly smirk, "A wife is supposed to find her husband attractive, isn't she?"

You could hardly think; he was so close.

"I must say," he hummed, leaning even closer, his lips right by your ear. His hot breath ghosting over your skin, "I am certainly not disappointed."

♡

Time for bed, ya'll. Goodnight

All Rights Reserved © 2024 DarlingsBlackBook

[echantedtoon]

Ocean Deep Ch18 Feelings Are Complicated

(Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping, Koyuki's condition, and Yn's hurt shoulder. Cursing.)

I also have an announcement. Have you ever wanted to date the Haishira all at once(minus Muichiro for obvious reasons)? Well now you can. Reverse harem Haishira fic has been launched with the first two chapters posted here! Just let me know if you'd like to be added to it's tag list!

taglist: @six-eyed-samurai @lavenderdrxp @jjamsbangtan @camilo-uwu @hopefulworld1

@shadyd3ar @amypop122 @azuredragonstrike

@mimisweetz @chaoticoperatorduckhairdo @staarflowerr @aleee-386 @summrwalkr

@nicora04 @miniverse-zen @heijihattorisgf

@lavender-moony

Remember if you want to be added to the tag list lemme know.

SPLAT!!

Silence.

There was a silence. Giyuu sat there with eyes boring into his face as a thick glob of sand ran in a teardrop shape over the left side of his cheek, and with a ka-thunk sound dripped off his chin leaving a sticky trail behind before dropping into the water below. Everyone's head looked to where the ripples floated away from the sight where it disappeared from, before exchanging looks with one another, and then slowly one by one looked at where the mysterious attack had come from.

"Now that I have your attention-..PAY ATTENTION OR ELSE!!"

A woman's voice echoed over the waves and with it carried the beginnings of anger. The normally nonthreatening image of a delicate maiden replaced by a shadow of fury's wrath. Stunning the water dwellers in the sea bobbing up and down amongst the waves.

You stared furious and scowling. "What the ever loving hell is wrong with you all?!" You shouted angry at them. "Just..WHAT have you all been thinking?!"

"Sunlight! I don't know what's gotten into them but I assure you it was a misunderstan-"

"STOP!" You ORDERED Kyojuro and held up a full hand in his direction but didn't look at him. "Just stop. You've done absolutely nothing to help in this situation! I'm disappointed in you. ALL OF YOU!!" You pointed right at the teary eyed and snarling shark. "Starting with you! Don't you dare give me that look when you know very well Kanae said she wanted nothing to do with you this entire time! You're stressing her out because you keep pushing her and pushing her! I'm surprised she didn't snap sooner!"

"SSSTAY OUT OF THIS!!"

Your gaze snapped to the snake giving you a other one of those narrowed eyed looks however unlike last time you felt no fear. Only annoyance and anger. "I'd LOVE nothing more than to mind my own businesssssss!!" You hissed back at him making an irritated vein pop on his forehead. "But unfortunately it became my business when I was brought here! And you're one to demand I stay out of it!! YOU TREAT THOSE GIRLS LIKE YOU'RE A FUCKING PRISON GUARD LETTING YOURSELF INTO THE HOUSE ANYTIME YOU WANT TO AND DEMANDING DOORS STAY OPEN ALL THE TIME!! YOU REALLY ARE MAKING YOURSELF OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF INSANE PERVERT!!"

"TENGEN!! REIN IN YOUR DAM WIFE!!"

"I'M NOT HIS WIFE!!"  Your voice echoed loudly over the heads and piercing the ears of anyone who dated to be heard causing a jingling bejeweled head of wine red eyes to turn startled towards you. Fiery eyes wielding the same whiplashed expression."I AM NOT TENGEN'S WIFE!"  You pointed at Tengen. Then at Kyojuro."I AM NOT KYOJURO'S WIFE! I AM NOT MAKIO'S OR SUMA'S OR EVEN HINATSURU'S WIFE! I AM NOBODY'S WIFE!"

If you were in any other state of mind then you would've felt guilty about the shocked and guilty faces upon your friends but your brain was fried from everything that not only happened to you but to those poor girls as well. You were determined to get the truth through their thick heads once and for all. EVEN IF YOU HAD TO LITERALLY POUND IT INTO THEIR SKULLS!!

"LET'S GET THAT STRAIGHT!!" You jabbed a thumb to yourself. "I DID NOT know that letting those girls groom me was flirting!! I WAS NOT FLIRTING!! I REJECTED Kyojuro's proposal!! I DID NOT ACCEPT IT!! AND I SURE AS HELL WASN'T FLIRTING WITH YOU, TENGEN!! I WAS JOKING AROUND BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HUMANS DO!! THEY JOKE AROUND WITH EACH OTHER FUCKING PLATONICALLY!! I WAS RUNNING AWAY BECAUSE YOU FUCKING SCARED THE LIVING HELL OUTTA ME?!"

Too stunned to speak. Too stunned to respond. No one spoke a single word.

"HUMANS!! DO NOT!! COURT!! THE WAY!! MERS DO!! SO THAT MEANS KANAE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!" Sanemi's face completely dropped as the petite woman pointed at him. "MITSURI DOESN'T LOVE YOU!" Obanais eyes went wide. "SHINOBU DOESN'T LOVE THAT ONE!! AND I'M SURE AS HELL KOYUKI DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR YOU!! AND I SURE AS HELL FEEL NOTHING ROMANTIC TOWARDS ANYONE!! SO LET ME TELL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU HOW HUMANS ARE ACTUALLY FEELING AROUND HERE!!"

Sand kicked out from under your feet as you face back and forth about two yards in length motioning your arms as you did so angrily.

"These girls are away from their families for who knows how long, trapped alone on this island without anyone to help them and to them you're all responsible for everything." You stopped suddenly. Going wide eyed and silent for a few seconds. "No. Scratch that. Actually.." you snapped up again narrowed eyed and scowling. "YOU ALL ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!! EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE GUILTY IN A WAY!!"

"N-Now, Y-Y/n." Kyojuro tried to do some kind of damage control shakily raising a hand. "Maybe that's going a little far-"

"Oh don't you try to spin this any other way! Do you know how much it hurt you and Tengen when your wives were kidnapped!?" Both your arms threw themselves at the house. "YOU ALL KIDNAPPED FIVE GIRLS!!!"

Silence. 

Shocked.

Stunned.

D E A D SILENCE.

"SAY IT HOW IT IS DAM YOU ALL!! YOU KIDNAPPED KOYUKI!" YOU POINTED OUT AKAZA! "YOU KIDNAPPED MITSURI!!" YOU POINTED AT THE SNAKE! "YOU TWO NOT ONLY KIDNAPPED KANAE AND SHINOBU BUT THEIR OWN LITTLE SISTER TOO!!" YOU POINTED AT TWO IN THE MIDDLE! "YOU TWO AREN'T INNOCENT IN THIS EITHER!!" YOU GLARED AT THE TWO HUSBANDS WITH SUCH INTENSITY THAT YOU THOUGHT THE OCEAN WOULD BOIL THEM FROM YOUR ANGER!! "YOU ALLOWED THEM TO KEEP THOSE GIRLS TRAPPED ON YOUR OWN DAM ISLAND AND YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT!! THE GIRLS AREN'T OFF SCOTT FREE EITHER! EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THOSE GIRLS THEY SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU TO LET THEM GO AFTER THEY FOUND OUT!! YOU'RE DOING TO THEM WHAT AKIRA AND HIS FAMILY DID TO YOURS! YOU BROKE YOUR PROMISE TO LET THEM GO!! IF I WAS THEM I'D HATE YOU TOO!! SANEMI HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU THINK THIS IS OK WHEN YOU HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER TOO?!"

You clutched your head feeling it start to hurt and your shoulder throbbed.

"DAM IT ALL!! YOU TOOK THEM FROM THEIR HOMES!! THEIR FAMILIES!! I FUCKING SAW THE WAY KANAE'S PARENTS CRIED FOR THEM!! YET YOU'RE DEMANDING THAT THEY FORGET ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM THE MOST AND CALL THIS THEIR HOME WHEN YOU'RE ALL THE ONES WHO KIDNAPPED THEM, HELD THEM HOSTAGE OR AREN'T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, AND DEMANDING THEY LOVE YOU!! EVEN IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR CUSTOMS HOW HARD IS IT TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND IN ANY LANGUAGE THAT-"

You threw your arms at them eyes scary bloodshot and your voice louder than ever in your life 

"-N O   M E A N S   F U C K I N G  N O?!"

You were heaving. Chest pumping in and out with every inhale of air as you gasped l. Your voice giving a small raspy hiss with every inhale you gave. There was nothing but silence from the waters. Not surprising. 

"So here's what's going to *gasp* happen." You pointed out each one of them as you addressed them with a growl. "You're gonna stop trying to court Kanae and stop trying to fucking sing to her when we're trying to sleep!! You stay away from Shinobu!She's not allowed to study you anymore! YOU FUCKING STOP COMING INSIDE LIKE A FUCKING PRISON DOG OR I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO THE BIGGEST PAIR OF SNAKE SKIN BOOTS!! And stay away from Mitsuri!! You-..." You regarded the colorful pinked haired man. "I don't know about you too much..But I'll leave you this Intel. Koyuki needs access to doctors! REAL DOCTORS!! Those girls only know a few things. What if Koyuki ends up really sick and needs actual medical attention!? Or God forbids she needs surgery?! She can't get that from them trapped on an island with no dam proper hospitals!! And ALL of you stay away from Kanao!! That little girl must be terrified by now!!"

Finally you looked Kyojuro and Tengen one by one in each of their eyes slowly.

"And you two." You pointed out into the ocean. "You both go think about what you've allowed to happen! Tell the girls they need to talk to you about their lack of say as well!" Your eyes scanned all of them. "And lastly- ALL OF YOU LEAVE UNTIL YOU ACCEPT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!! Don't talk to me OR any of those girls unless it's to genuinely apologize for everything and to say you'll take them home!! You all need time to think about the enormity of what you all have done!"

With that you turned. Stomping through the sand with each step through the squishy grains until you got to the door. Pushing it open before SLAMMING it shut behind you harder than Kanae did previously. A loud UGH sound left your mouth before you kicked out at a random empty umbrella stand sending the cylinder shaped furniture into the adjacent room. 

"Y/n?" Your eyes snapped up to Koyuki. She was looking like she was just coming downstairs when you came in. Ah. She must've went with Mitsuri to sooth Kanae. "What happened? Are you alright?"

You must've looked quite a sight to her actually. You sighed. "Yes. I'm fine. I'm more concerned about Kanae. How is she?"

She gave a glance back upstairs. "I think she'll be alright. Mitsuri is telling her stories about her cats." 

"That's good. I'll bring her bread. You go rest up. You still look tired."

You did not see a single mer the next day. Not surprising since you threatened to turn them to sushi the other day...but now that could think clearly, you DID feel guilty especially for how you yelled at your friends but they needed to hear the truth. They couldn't just look through rose colored glasses anymore and realize what they did before anything else happened. Kanae thankfully seemed ok when you saw her. Her face was pink from obviously crying, but she seemed alright for the most part. 

You didn't think anyone heard you tearing into the mers outside considering Koyuki was upstairs with Mitsuri and Kanae and Shinobu and Kanao didn't come back until much later with baskets of wild fruits and vegetables. Thank God the fish soup crisis was over!! 

Well that one day turned to two. Then three. And now four. Some time away from their fish pals seemed to do everyone some good. Mitsuri did comment on it once though saying how strange it was to not see them around. You only shrugged and pretended to not know about it, although Koyuki gave you a slightly confused look. 

"I'm going to make some pies today!" Mitsuri announced loudly and gushed.

"Pies? Now?"

"Uh huh!" She nodded at her best friend. "We have berries and everything else from that old pantry! We can have some to celebrate! Besides we haven't had some in so long, and they're so yummy!!" She licked her lips with a happy smile grabbing her cheeks. 

"A pie sounds wonderful. " Kanae had smiled at the thought of it. She seemed the most relieved by the absence of mers. In fact the other clippy was returned to the other side of her head after being cleaned up. 

"Then I'll make my famous raspberry coconut pie!..Only..We don't have coconut." She slowly blinked humming. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that we're completely out of it. Maybe someone could go get some more?"

"I'll do it." You slowly got up where you were sitting with Kanao playing some kind of card game you didn't understand (and loosing since she was good) with a smile. "I saw some on the trees when I was walking on the beach."

"Are you sure you'll be ok? Isn't your shoulder still sore?"

"Yes but as long as I'm not putting strain on it or moving it too quickly I should be fine. Don't wor-"

"I'll come with you." You were surprised when Kanae stood up with a smile.

"What? Kanae, are you sure?" You raised a hand but paused. "You uh..You sure you're feeling up to it? I mean Shinobu can come instead if you're worried about me-"

She nodded happily. "I'm getting some cabin fever just staying inside all day anyways. It'll be good to get some fresh air."

"Well.. Alright. But if you want to go back anytime you can."

"I'll keep that in mind. Shall we go?"

You nodded to her still unsure of what to do. Sanemi hadn't come around but he was obviously still out there. If he saw Kanae out walking around he might try to give her more unwanted advances or start a fight. Or at most Kanae would get angry or stressed again...but you had a feeling if you pushed her to stay, she'd only go anyways. So it was better if you went along with her to make sure nothing happened. 

So that's where you both were. Walking along the shore in silence. Nothing but the waves, wind rustling through the trees, the soft squishing sounds of sand, and the cawing of seagulls in the sky to break that silence. ..You cautiously gave a look out to the waters every so often to see if you were being followed but you didn't see any mers in the water. Maybe they were all throwing tantrums under the water?

"..So..Are you feeling alright?" You finally broke the silence after so long turning to Kanae. 

She smiled brightly at you. "Never better. Why do you ask?"

Maybe she was feeling better because of the plans night being so close. "I mean..Well a few days ago you were uh.." Crying? In hysterics? "..Stressed?"

She smiled wider. "Oh I'm perfectly fine now. I released a lot of pent up emotions and it was quite relieving. You don't have to worry about that anymore." You still did a little bit but at least her answer was reassuring. "Are we close to the coconut trees?"

"Uh yeah." You pointed up ahead. "Just about past that weirdly shaped log there."

You both continued to walk along the sand looking up towards the tree tops in search for any coconuts. You could've sworn you saw some the last time you came through here. Where were they? You both kept walking along and looking around at any and all trees until- AHA! You stopped spotting a couple brown round lumps hanging off the ends of a palm tree. There they were. You finally found them! You pointed them out to Kanae who silently nodded and together you both walked up to the tree they hung from. It was a medium sized palm tree that hung low over the beach, and it had around eight of those coconuts bunched together. Kanae was silent still until she calmly looked at you. Or more accurately your still hurt shoulder.

"..We only need two of them. I'll climb up and retrieve them. You're in no state to climb trees."

You gave her a look. "Are you sure? That's kinda dangerous."

"I've had to climb a few trees before," she assured you. "I'll be fine."

"Alright but be really careful. I don't want anyone else hurt around here."

"You don't have to worry about me. I'll be perfectly okay."

"KANAE?!"

A scream shattered the silence around you both. You literally heard a glass breaking sound go off in your mind as Kanae looked behind you surprised to see a white haired, scarred face bobbing out near the shallow shores looking down right miserable at her. 

"Oh you motherf-"

"NO!"

Kanae had snatched your good arm just. I'm. Time. Because in one fast motion that even had Sanemi flinching, you had whirled around on your heel, snatched the shoe off your left foot, and lifted your good shoulder back to launch the said show right at his face- Or you would've if the talker woman hadn't snatched onto your wrist with both hands.

"GET OUT OF HERE, SUSHI HEAD!!," you snarled at him. 

"I-.." he gave to Kanae who looked a mixture of surprise, worry, and annoyance. "I-I just wa- wanna talk-"

"WE are NOT interested in anything YOU have to say!! Get out of here before I-!!"

"YOU WERE RIGHT!!"

Silence stilled the waters as the three of you stared at each other wide eyed. You were paused in the comical position of throwing a shoe half barefoot with Kanae clutching your wrist with both hands tightly. Each having a similar wide eyed expression as Sanemi stared nervous. Eventually you opened your mouth after nearly a whole minutes-

"What?"

"Y-Yo-..." He gave another VERY nervous glance at Kanae's wide pink eyes. Opening his mouth.. before closing it and gulping thickly. "I-I sa-sa-said..Y-You were right! You were ri-right about it! All of it!" You both still stared as soft splash sounds went off as his arms gestured around. "You were right! I was selfish and an idiot and it's my fault and I made her cry and now I don't know what to do so I came here to apologize because I love you so much and I want to make things right because I'm scared you're gonna hate me and I don't want you to hate me and Im a fucking idiot who made you cry! So I'm here apologizing again because I really, really do love you and Im scared you won't like me anymore so I'm here so please tell me what to do because I DON'T know what to do and I'm sorry and I promise I won't do anything else to break your trust anymore!" He rapidly fired out at you both. By the end of that he was heaving for air chest rapidly rising and falling in breaths.

You both still stood in that position in silence.

".... Well..That was certainly a mouthful." You settled on saying after another few seconds.

You glanced at Kanae when you felt her hands loosen their grip on your wrists slowly. Her face was still wide eyed and staring at the merman. "what did you just say to me?" Her voice was so small. Like a whisper. He'll you were literally just a foot in front of her and you barely heard what she said under her breath in that tiny weak voice.

Sanemi opened his mouth again under her stare.. before gulping back the nervous bile that threatened to come up. "I-I sa-sa-said that-..I lo-love you. I-I LOVE YOU, KANAE!" He uses his arms to pull himself up further onto a nearby rock. "I mean it! I love your smile! A-And how beautiful you sound when you laugh!"

Pink eyes blinked widely and unbelievably at the man. 

"A-And I'm not saying this to pressure you o-o-or anything! IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!! I've been in love with you since you saved me and treated my wounds as kids!"

Wait..You snapped to her with a raised brow. Say what now?!

"I love you so much and I wanted nothing more than to be with you! To just..Grow old and raise a fucking family!" He felt his vision blur as stinging saltwater that wasn't the sea stung his eyes. "Bit I know in the long run it's only a fucking joke to wish for that because you're perfect! Fuck you're more than fucking perfect! You're beautiful and kind and you can have any man you want. I just thought-.. Maybe I had chance y'know? If there wasn't any other guys a-and I could show you how much I could do-"

"Sanemi. That's enough."

You blinked as a taller figure brushed past you. Each step she took left a small imprint behind as she got closer. Those footfalls reducing to soft splashes as she delved deeper into the water closer and closer towards the gulping man. "Sanemi-"

"I know. You wanna go home. I-I'll take you home I swear! I promise I won't fuck up this time. Please don't hate me anymore! I-I know I fucked up-"

"Shush."

He went wide eyed as two hands grabbed his cheeks and squished them lightly. A beautiful face looking up at pink eyes, bottom lip trembling as a thumb gently wiped at a place under his eye. The waves wetting her gown her unimportant as anything else around her-

?!

You cleared you throat quietly looking away from the kiss to give them some space. Well...This is happening. ..Um..You should probably put your shoe back on- You did do while still averting your eyes away from the emotional scene. They uh-...They probably needed a moment to talk.

"Hey uh..If you two need to talk-" You refused to look pointing a hand away from you. "-I can just go get some of the coconuts on the ground there."

There was a small peck sound as Kanae finally turned to you with a large smile. Past her you could glance Sanemi's face wide eyed shocked and about as pink as Mitsuri's hair. Looks like he really had trouble processing this.

"That's very considerate of you, Y/n. But I don't think that'll be necessary." She turned back to Sanemi. "We'll discuss this later. I'm  still upset with you." Her lips delivered one last kiss to his forehead before she turned and as graceful as a swan walked on out of the water.

"So..were you literally going to say anything about the hidden backstory or are we just walking through someone's romance novel they're still writing?", you asked her crossing your arms and raising a brow.

She giggled at you. "Let's just say some things are better left unsaid. But I'm sure you're going to be a little distracted by a 'plot hook' yourself." She pointed behind you and you looked.

"Y/N!!!" Your f/c went wide see seeing at least five people popped up out of the water, with Suma on top Tengen's shoulders smiling and waving a full arm at you. 

"Oh you've got to be kidding me."

Janae giggled again. "Don't worry. I'll handle the harder job of coconut collecting."

You deadpanned. "Now I see how you're related to Shinobu. The both of you are cruel in different ways."

That statement only made her giggle harder before shrugging and turning to walk off. You shot her a dirty look before Suma calling your name again forced you to look back to the quintet of mers sitting in the water. You stared at them all and they all seemed to have some expression on their faces. Suma was beaming waving a full arm at you, Hinatsuru looked as calm as ever, Makio was looking annoyed, Kyojuro smiled widely, and Tengen seemed to be the only one who looked serious yet at the same time lightly bothered by something he was thinking about. You stood there raising your brows higher at them in silence before crossing your arms and not going further from your spot. 

"I told you all Im not speaking to any of you until you apologized to everyone," you stared firmly not changing your expression.

"We know! And we did!," Suma declared throwing up her hands before losing her balance and falling off Tengen back into the water with a loud splash. If this was any other normal occasion you would've laughed at her antics.

Instead your brow rose higher. "Oh really?"

"YES! WE DISCUSSED THIS LONG AND THOROUGHLY!!," Kyojuro announced in that loud voice of his that made you blink. "WE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT WE MADE EVERYONE UNHAPPY WITH OUR ACTIONS SO WE GAVE YOU SPACE TO CALM YOURSELF BEFORE WE ATTEMPTED TO TALK!! HOWEVER YOU WEREN'T HOME WHEN WE SPOKE TO THE OTHER LADIES!!"

"Uh..Yeah. I'm doing what you call forging for food. But you all are...A lot more up front and forward about this than I thought you'd be."

"WE WANT TO STILL COURT YOU AS WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!" His blunt happy yelling did catch you off guard enough to go pink. "HOWEVER THAT'S DIFFICULT IF YOU ARE RIGHTFULLY ANGRY WITH US!! SO WE'VE CONE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!"

"YAY!!" Suma added throwing up her hands behind Kyojuro reappearing.

You could only stare at the two of them with a blank look.

"I told you being straight forward was a bad idea!," suddenly snapped to the both of them before throwing an arm at you. "we should've eased in to it!! Look! You two broke her brain!" 

"We did not!" 

"Did too!"

"Makio, I would have to agree with Suma! Straight forward is better than beating around the bush as they say!"

"I DIDN'T SAY TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH!! I SAID WE EASE INTO IT!!"

"Makio, let's all calm down-"

"Don't take their sides! I'm the only one who doesn't have kelp for brains around here!!"

"Tengeeeen! Makio's calling me a kelp brain again!"

You stared at the four continuing to argue with one another in usual fashion as they always did before looking back to Tengen. The 'flashy and flamboyant God of Ocean's deep' was uncharacteristically silent for himself and just looking at you like a completely exhausted man. That wasn't like him. Hesitantly you lowered your arms 

"Tengen?" You stepped forward and tilted your head to him. "Are you alright?"

He didn't answer, at least not right away. Instead he just looked at you for a long silent moment and then slowly held his arm towards you. You did blink but when you didn't flinch or move away, his hand came forward to gently grab yours completely enveloping it into his palm. You blinked when you were pulled forward and suddenly found yourself pressed into his chest again but this time there was a now gentleness to it as his forehead just found your shoulder. Silently you blinked as he just rested there tired and seemingly not wanting to argue or fight anymore. ..You sighed reaching out to pay his back.

"Alright, Big Guy. Apology accepted. Don't worry about it anymore."

"I'm tired of fighting for everything." His voice sounded muffled from your dress. "I don't want to fight anymore.....Also you are very warm and soft."

"PFFFT! HAHAHA!!" You couldn't help it. Out of everything else that was serious now, his antics were still present.

"And you're getting my dress all soaked in seawater."

A smirk formed into your shoulder. "Maybe I can try saving it with medical kissing?~"

"OH MY GODS!! STOP WITH THAT!!" You death glared behind him at about four other voices laughing. "And you all be quiet! Kyojuro, I blame you for this!!"

"AND I WILL HAPPILY NEVER LET YOU LIVE THAT DOWN!!"

"UUUUUHHHHH!!!"

 You give up. Just plopping your head into Tengen's shoulder back as he literally just pulled you snigger against him. Actually...this was nice. You never experienced that from Akira. Tengen hugged you tightly but he was absolutely mindful of the injuries you had and didn't squeeze or put pressure around your hurt shoulder. Guess that proved how much attention to detail he actually gave. You didn't even mind the water soaking you from his body at this point. 

A few chuckles in turned to a long sigh as he stayed there snug. "...Hey. I know I said I was already sorry for everything but-"

"It's fine. I already said that I accepted your apology. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad, but I still stand that everyone needed to hear what I had to say."

"I'll give you that right. ...Not going to lie, your flamboyant beauty is doubled when you're made. I wanted to kiss you passionately right then and there."

"Don't say that!" You could already feel your face heating up again. "EEP?!" It certainly didn't help were suddenly once again lifted into a certain white haired merman's arms as he beamed at you. "TENGEN!!"

"IN THE FLESH!!" He happily smiled at your blushing scowling face and cooed. "I don't suppose this would be an appropriate time to ask you if we can court you now?"

You facepalmed. "You all are the most stubborn mers I know..." You looked at him in thought for a moment.  "You really want to court me that badly huh?"

"YES!" You shouldn't have been surprised at the unified answer 

"Uh huh..." You rose a brow at him. You sighed. "I'll..Think about it. There's still a lot of stuff to sort out."

A look of disappointment passed over his face but it was quickly replaced by a bright smile. "I'll take that as a good sign! After all you won't be able to resist me for long ~"

"I've resisted you for longer than you think."

His pupils went wide again. Uh oh-

"Really?~ Is that so, Mrs. Uzui?~"

"Hey. I'm not your wife yet-"

"Yet?" He went quiet suddenly. Wide eyed and stared at you suddenly. Before snapping to Kyojuro. "YET?!"

"YET!!," Kyojuro confirmed back absolutely beaming.

"YET!?"

"YET!! YET YET!!"

You wanted to disappear into air the more they repeated that word before you looked back to Uxui who you SWORE suddenly looked a hundred times brighter. He made to move forward but suddenly stopped-...Ah. Right. You sighed before assuming the position and held out your arms much to his surprise.

"Alright. Kiss me then but don't take all morning. I got a pie with my name on it at home."

Again his eyes went wide. "..Home?"

"Tengen, do I have to repeat myself or are you going to kiss me? Because I will get down and go eat instead."

Kanae had to blink a moment before blushing and turning away from the sight of Tengen half cradled in your arms kissing you with Suma shouting that she was next right behind him as Makio pushed her.

"So...I got those coconuts?"

You looked up. Tengen ref faced and swooning as you held his head. "In a second."

Tengen wheezed."...I think my lips fell in love with you too."

[melancholicbat666]

The Other Woman.

You and carmen had been dating for a while, but he unfortunately didn't seem to think it was that serious. (not about cheating)

On the mornings at the beginning of it all, Carmen used to welcome you with breakfast in bed, treating you like something easily breakable, that could end up slipping out of his hand and breaking into so many pieces that it couldn't be glued back together. Several huge bouquets at home, heart-shaped chocolate, it was a cliché, but in the end it was a cliché that Carmen made, so it ended up being everything.

Everything was going well, until the day you had to ask yourself "What the fuck did I did to him?"

Awake all night, looking at the boy's feet, in the middle of the night, walking here and there. He spent so much time walking around the house, that his steps almost formed a song with a specific and well-formed sequence, everything, except sleeping with you, could be on the couch, or on top of the bills at The Beef, but it was never with you.

The next day of those many nights, when you woke up suddenly after dozing off, all you could hear was Carmen's footsteps. Going to the door. Opening. Going away. Forgetting your kiss, or maybe a "hi" via text, even if it's late. Leaving the cigarette smoke of the day.

The house was empty all day, but empty of affection for the rest of the week. So you could try to occupy yourself completely, with a quick kiss on the weekends. And more and more you could remember traditional American couples, both of whom no longer love each other, but they remain together for what they once were, for the hope of looking at that stranger and thinking: "I once loved someone who was like you."

After work, you started washing the dishes, singing as if everything was fine, and putting the damp dishes out to dry, the kitchen was a disaster, but that was a matter for Carmen-Distant, when he came back from work, to the greatest point of stress. There was also the living room, which was the same as the kitchen, especially the painting of the former owner, a clown smiling, with his eyes looking to the side in a very expressive way, perhaps he thought he was going to turn into a cuckoo clock. Carmy used to leave the day's notes there, and over time the untouched image created a barrier of dust over the post-it, and a small square was formed behind all the dust. There were no squares, just dust.

It was annoying how your own boyfriend became just a submissive thought, someone you didn't see right for a good period, that's what made you make the decision to question Carmy, and without the right to escape, or any unsuspecting nap.

-Are you awake at this time?-The blonde asked, entering the apartment, and immediately coming across the image of the living room, you sitting on the sofa with a stressed expression, with your legs crossed, but not at all courteous, more controlling.

-Awake to wait for you to arrive.-You looked at Carmen, but looked away elsewhere, biting your lower lip, then said:

-I want to tell you something, actually, I want to talk about something with you.

Carmen frowned, and his eyebrows too, setting up a series of expression lines on his face, and looking to the side, like the clown, and then at you, he said:

-Okay, so, can I take a shower first?

-Carmen, now. Please.- Your posture remained the same, and Carmen, without insisting (perhaps he realized you were stressed), sat down in one of the armchairs, close to the sofa. It was these small things in addition to the big ones that made you upset, for example, at that moment the sofa wasn't occupied, not even a little, and he preferred the armchair at the other end of where you were.

The two looked at each other for a while, until anger took its toll on your mind, and you managed to wake up and remember what you were going to do.

-Don't you realize how far away you are? how alone I am, and it's not even because I don't have anyone, I've been alone in the relationship, since some time ago. I want it to be something plural, that's why we date.

The boy's face shriveled like a fruit, if he hadn't been close to someone, you could have sworn he would cry right there, he got close, but broke your heart, when his voice was shaky.

-You know it's my brother's restaurant, I mean, it was. Sorry. I shouldn't be justifying this shit, but I really don't want you to be mad. What have I been distant about?-He dropped his eyes to the ground, redder than a tomato, and panting like a Pug.

-In everything, Carmy. You don't call me anything affectionate anymore, we no longer have hugs, sex isn't important to mention, but it has an honorable mention.-You laughed at your own speech, but the boy remained mesmerized by the floor.-I shouldn't laugh. But I feel useless, and inconvenient, like, why should I be in your life if I'm ignored? you know?

-I'm sorry. Fuck. I didn't want to be so overwhelmed.-He stopped talking, and looked at you with the kind of look you've never seen coming from him.-Damn, you're the most important thing in my life, and I'm leaving you to listen to Richie complaining all day. Can I say sorry again?

-I forgive you, Carmy. But I really hope it's not something without confidence, because if it is, it will hurt me a lot.

-It will not be. It won't be.-He got up, and gave you a passionate, delicate kiss, different from superficial and quick kisses. Looking at you, he gave a smile, which for sure, if it had a taste, would be milk chocolate. -Do you want to go take a shower? you smell like Carmen-Repressor.-One more kiss, before you could respond.

The shower was quick, the water hot, and both of them laughing at themselves. Carmen started to tell a story about when he developed a phobia of bar soaps, when he thought about the manufacturers putting their hands on something that would later go all over his body. Both laughed together, but shortly after Carmen bent over, and "laid" on your lap, with his cheek on your collarbone, his hand around your waist, and his hair touching your shoulder.

-I love you.-He said, looking up, with a smile.

-I still need a tidy kitchen, and a big breakfast in bed, to fully reconcile with you.-You said, with a serious face, a staged and sarcastic seriousness.

Note: srry if the story was horrible, its late, and I didnt even proofread the text before posting 😭

[teamdilf]

Rook trolling Solas because if they’re going to be brain roommates, she’s going to have fun with their circumstances and needle the cranky god. Gonna actually publish it on ao3 once I’ve finished a full chapter instead of the snippets I’ve been writing as I’ve come up with them.

Rook is nosey, as a rule. With the very worst roommate situation (an ancient god stuck in your head is not the party it sounds like), unfortunately her efforts to flip through the fucking Dread Wolf’s notebooks is discovered. Immediately.

“That is personal,” Solas says, with the air of chiding a naughty child. What he doesn’t realize is that it only makes the notebook in front of her more enticing. She flips through it, finding charcoal sketches of flowers, but also of an elven woman with a short pixie cut, and heavily lacquered, full lips. In most she’s smiling, her eyes alive and warm with mirth. She wears vallaslin on her forehead in the shape of a tree - which god it honours is a mystery to her but hopefully it’s not one of the two assholes rampaging across Thedas at present. They’re dicks.

“She’s pretty.” She turns the page to find a drawing of the same woman with a well-dressed man with a perfectly-groomed moustache. “Her boyfriend?”

“Dorian Pavus. He’s her closest friend.” There’s an awkwardness to Solas’ tone and she realizes that he must have feelings for this woman. “Why do you have so many sketches of her?” she asks, playing stupid. “What’s her name?”

“Inquisitor Lavellan,” Solas says without missing a beat because she’s sure that’s what the man calls her when he’s in the middle of railing her. “As an important historical figure, documenting her achievements seemed prudent. It was not just her I sketched.”

Because sketches of Lavellan’s face really clearly reflect her achievements, but she’s not going to ruin her fun by pointing that out. “Is it safe to assume a similar notebook dedicated to Varric exists?” she asks, mock-innocent.

“Not as such, no. If you could move on and intrude upon my privacy elsewhere in my house?”

“I’m quite content here. I’m not going to find any nudes, am I? Because I’ll intrude on your privacy until Thedas falls but I’m not gonna look at her naked unless she invites me to warm her bed.”

“Have you not had a long day?” Solas says, voice clipped, as she comes across a poem about a wandering flower that has an air of wistfulness to it.

“Are you… trying to send me to bed?”

“No.” Solas speaks as if he’s realized he’s stepped in it and she lets out a giggle. He’s kind of an arse but it turns out it’s fun to mess with him. He probably won’t smite her or turn her to stone for her cheek so may as well get it in while she can, right?

“I’m an adult. I even have more than one set of dishes.”

[lebedame-wegelagerin]

And here, as promised to the dear @vinceaddams come a lot of extant Garments from my recent Visit at the German National Museum in Nuremberg. I am trying to give as much Information about each Picture as I can though unfortunately not all of the Pictures were taken by me and I could take Pictures as extensively (including Info Signs) as I would have wanted, lest I be abandoned in the Clothing Section. Also the whole Section was awfully dim, which made it rather difficult to read some of the Signs. The last three Pictures were taken in a different Section, thus the more pleasant Lighting.

Servant Livery, bavarian Court, mid 19th Century (left); Servant of the Count of Cannotreadhisname, first half 19th Century (right)

Woman's Folkdress, Lötschental/Wallis (Switzerland), Museum dates it 1830/1905 which is an awfully broad Range, but maybe it was altered later; shows wonderfully how late 18th Century Styles were preserved in european Folkdress that came to be in the 19th Century proper

Various Men's Garments throughout the 18th Century, as there are Closeups of each, the respective Detailinformation will be provided further down.

Men's Spencer, c. 1810s-1820s, Linen and Cotton, the Sign didn't say it explicitely but due to it's Placement in the Exhibition and comparable other Pieces I have seen, I think this is more of a common Man's Piece of Clothing.

Three Men's Shirts, various Shoebuckles, a cocked Hat, a Periwig and what I assume to be a Hair Bag. This Display Case had a rather badly illuminated Sign, so sadly I have no further Details about the Pieces.

Justeaucorps, c. 1695, Wool, Silk, Metal Trim.

Waistcoat, c. 1695, Silk, according to the Museum it was worn together with the Justeaucorps, which seems to be a nice Colour-Combination.

Breeches, 1790-1800, Silk. Very pretty Pair, but the bad Lighting doesn't really let it show.

Habit à la francaise, c. 1790, Wool, Silk, Embroidery (What a Material Specification...). I really like the Combination of those subtle dark on dark Stripes and the Embroidery.

Tailcoat, c. 1790/1795, Cotton, Silk, Linen, really peak 1790s Look honestly.

Very wide Court Panniers, with Pocket Hoops and Crinoline in the Background. Alas no Detail Information for this and the next two Pictures.

Frontal View of the Pannier. I suppose I have to get one of those at some Point, if only for how extra they are.

Three Pairs of Stays, two from the Front, one from the Back. Sadly I don't feel confident enough to Date those and I have no Pictures showing the Info Signs well enough.

Lots of pretty Dresses that were exhibited in another Section of the Museum. The right one is a Robe à l'Anglaise, but that's all I can tell.

Another beautiful Anglaise, notable for being preserved in its Entirety with original Ruffles.

More pretty Dresses. Unfortunately due to Time Reasons I have no Pictures of the Suits displayed across the Dresses in the U-shaped Display, though I have to say one of them had a very much not authentic Lacebib hanging from the Neck...

That's all the cool Clothing Pics I have, at some Point I will return and take loooots more Pictures from all the Angles too. Also at some Point I might write to the Museum about the Lighting, there surely is a better Solution when having your Objects barely visible with unreadable Signs while still protecting them from UV-Rays.

Bonus-Pic 1:

Me, in historical Dress, c. 1750 (minus the Shoes), standing in a historical Kitchen.

Bonus-Pic 2, for the Boat-Crowd:

Beautifully detailed Modell Sailing Ship, early to mid 17th Century if I remember correctly. Interestingly enough all the little Sailor Figurines on it were very much early 19th Century in Style, so I assume the previous owner had those added at some Point, before the Museum acquired the Model in the late 19th Century. (The Incongruence sadly wasn't addressed on the Info Sign, so I might contact them about this too.)

[fangirlblogger]

Fangirl Analysis Four: Bill Skarsgard's forehead wrinkles.

Girlies, the concept of this analysis is something that has been on mind since I've started evolving into a woman. I have developed this attraction of men's forehead wrinkles since last year and it's not because of my daddy issues (that's another conversation for another time), it's because of aging unfortunately. But I'm glad I'm aging because then I would not be here analyzing this beautiful and masterful craft on Daddy Bill Skarsgard's forehead. The man's got a heavenly forehead and girrrl, the things I want to do to that forehead are endless. With that being said, let's get into the analysis.

Listen girlies, if Bill looked at me the way he did in this image, I would instantly melt, evaporate and vanish. Girl, I don't know whether I want him to look at me that way forever or eat me and look at me like that till I pass out. I'm swooning over this look right now and the thing that makes this image more desirable and religiously worthy to be worshiped is his forehead wrinkles.

This image is from the Clark TV mini series and Bill played Clark Olofsson - a Swedish criminal in the 70s that prompted society to coined the term Stockholm Syndrome based on his relationships with his hostages or victims. Spoiler for those who did not watch the mini series yet, that's basically what the series is about. If you're a Bill Skarsgard fangirl like myself who has not watched this mini series yet, GIRL YOU HAVE TO (it's on Netflix if you're wondering). You will enjoy and devour every moment of it. Every sound of his voice, all of his body movements, all his angry, lustful, joyful, sad and confused glances and looks, his thick and rough Swedish accent, his manipulative smiles, his boisterous laughter and most importantly the way he devoured that oyster in Episode one, good Lord I came so hard, I almost thought I was giving birth to Bill's kid.

Now girlies, I am aware that there a numerous images of Bill displaying his godly forehead wrinkles. Some of them are so good, I don't know if it's my pussy that's wetter or it's my mouth.

Case study question: Why did I specifically select this image?

It's a no brainer really, my pussy gets wet instantly and I know this is the real deal, the masterpiece, my Salvatore Mundi.

Let's take a look at his hair. His hair looks so effortlessly perfect. The way the strand of hair draws down his forehead, just above his eye-brow is so immaculate. You can tell that he puts so much effort into taking care of his hair because of how effortlessly perfect it looks.

Now onto his jawline, cheeks and chin. He has the most flawless cheeks ever. When he doesn't smile, they lay back so perfectly and that brings out his perfect jawline, making it sharp enough to crack me open like a coconut. But when he does smile, they rise up so well and display his impeccable double chin. His chin is so well shaped that it smoothly keeps his immaculate facial structures intact and glorious.

His lips, they are a world of its own. I wouldn't mind being his lips, getting moistened and licked by his tongue every day. I will not delve into this anymore further because there will be an analysis on his lips soon. So I'll save all the goodness for later.

Let's look at his eyes. His eyes have the most unerring eye bags under them and in this image you can clearly see how perfect they are. We all know Bill has the world's most soulful eyes, so big and doe, they just make you want to cry in a sexual way. By the look in his eyes, and the lines on his face from his eyes to his forward, it clearly indicate that he is concerned but not in a good way. He is concerned about how he is going to manipulate his girlfriend. Also, you can see a little bit of impatience on his face in this image. If you watch the Clark film, you'll understand what I mean.

Now, finally to his wrinkles. They are so important in this image especially in this episode of the Clark mini series. Significance of it to this image is that it makes Bill look real. I've stated this before and I am saying it again, nothing is more attractive than a man with a natural face. His forehead wrinkles indicates to us that he is aging and that is the most beautiful thing in the world. Girl, his forehead wrinkles can wrinkle me up all the way to heaven.

The significance of this look in the image to the Clark mini series is that he perfectly displayed the look of a manipulative man. As already stated, his facial expressions displayed impatience, concern and irritability. My guy just came to see the girl and manipulate her to still love him. He did not come to see her and listen to what she has to say. And, Bill perfectly executes that in that scene.

Moreover, this image showed him in his natural state, meaning if he was not acting, this is what he would like on a daily basis, and that is super-hot! He looks scruffy, organic and humanly.

To conclude, wrinkles are beautiful and when they're on Bill Skarsgard's forehead, I go feral and insane. Those wrinkles makes him even more attractive. The Starry Night by Van Gogh might have you tripping but Bill's forehead wrinkles will have your pussy singing. So to the men that thinks women are rizzed by their overly masculine features, we're not. We like our men simple and comfortable like Bill Skarsgard.

Also, I would like to clarify that if you read this analysis as a body-shaming post, it is entirely the opposite. I love Bill Skarsgard and I find every bit of his body attractive, alluring and godly. I am aware of the social obsession with ageism but I actually prefer my man a bit older with a bit of grey hair, wrinkles, and 10 times more trauma from life than me.

[mostrovskaa]

Hi! I love your art, your color and shape work is amazing!!

I wanted to ask if you have any Polish media you can recommend to us non-Poles - movies, shows, stuff like that

Hi! Thank you so much for the ask! It is a great pleasure for me to share some Polish media to the people! I just have to preface this and tell especially my fellow Poles that: I am by no means an expert on the subject, I like a lot of bad media, I like a lot of children's media and mainstream media that I love to shape by my own creativity ok and I don't know every single niche thing so please don't come for me. Be nice please or I'll die of embarrassment! With that being said, here are just some of my picks of some cool things I like that I would recommend to check out! (Again I don't know about how available these are around the internet and what would be the subtitle situation but still, i love these pieces of media and think they are interesting to even just read or check out visually if anything!)

- The Akademia Pana Kleksa movies (Akademia Pana Kleksa, Podróże Pana Kleksa and Pan Kleks w Kosmosie) (1984-1988)- These children's fantasy and fable inspired beautiful movies based on a book incorporate beautiful puppetry and set designs, visually they are one of my biggest inspirations. Having both dark,whimsical and sci-fi elements they have been in my visual language since I saw them as a kid! Really really recommend looking into them, even though they may be wacky and strange at times! 

And they contain absolutely amazing songs :

Available to watch without subtitles unfortunately here, but worth to check out the visuals of all the movies in the series: https://www.ninateka.pl/vod/dla-dzieci/akademia-pana-kleksa/ 

- Poszukiwany, Poszukiwana (Man- woman wanted) (1972) (one of my favorite movies ever!) - a comedy film about a museum curator who gets accused of stealing a painting and goes into hiding as a maid. You would think with polish humor it would be the typical: haha man dressed as a woman, hilarious! type stuff but no! It’s funny, charming, sweet and smart and surprisingly based. Marysia, just one chance please queen. 

available to watch with subtitles here (alongside many other great Polish movies): https://35mm.online/vod/fabula/poszukiwany-poszukiwana

- Ranczo (tv show, 10 seasons, I believe it’s available on Netflix) - the epitome of Polish society. This is just pure Poland in tv show format. A timeless classic, never gets old, never stops being funny and relevant. Watched it a million times and could watch a million more and not get bored. An American woman with Polish heritage comes back to her family village and chaos ensues. I think the characters are so well defined you don’t need to know so much deep Polish lore to get what is going on so I really recommend it!

Other stuff you can find on Netflix I recommend are: 1670 - comedy show about 17th century Poland, Rojst (all seasons)- crime show set mainly in the 90’s.

And something that’s a Polish phenomenon that I absolutely love is media based around popular copypasta: a short film Fanatyk  based on this timeless classic of a copypasta, and a tv show called Emigracja XD - about polish guys finding work in the UK.

And obviously the shows I make art for are always something I encourage people check out like Czterdziestolatek (amazing old show with a cult following) and Ojciec Mateusz (absolute shitty formulaic 30 season tv show that i love with all my heart).

Thank you again, sorry for the long post! There’s obviously many more cool Polish media to watch but this is just what immediately popped into my head! :-))

[themememerchant]

I'M WATCHING GRAVITY FALLS FOR LIKE THE 13TH TIME AND JUST-

WhY??? IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT CARPET DIEM???

Like, this episode was so fuking good!

Like-okay, I get that it's just sort of early show filler, but it's fucking amazing filler!

This episode had what I would consider to be some of the best jokes and one-liners in the whole series, and I've seen some parts in compilations here and there, but I feel like we collectively sleep on some of the raw chaos this episode brought!

Here are all of my favorite bits:

Dipper somehow hitting Stan in the head with a golf ball from the attic

Dipper having his leg gnawed by a wolf compared to staying with Mabel and her friends: "...This is still better."

Grenda walking out of an empty closet: "I don't know what I was kissing in there, but I have no regrets!"

Mabel poking dipper with a random twig: "Get ready to be poked by the fun stick!"

Dipper: "Washing clothes is a waste of time! I'm a busy guy!"

Mabel: "I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

The entire scene when Dipper and Mabel start freaking the fuck out over switching bodies

Dipper giving Stan a sandwich made from literal rocks after he ate an omelette shaped like his own face

Soos: "Nobody thinks it's cute when I lie naked on the living room floor."

Wendy just going:"Nope!" And walking away after seeing waddles screwing around with Soos' body

"I'm a creature of the night-But I'm also a creature of passion..." From Grenda's age-inappropriate romance novels

Stan choosing to step up for once and explain the birds and the bees to Dipper, unfortunately, Mabel was the one to receive "The Talk™" under horrible circumstances

Mcgucket finding a random talking pig in the streets, pulling out a knife and a fork from his beard, and proceeding to chase said pig across all of downtown in the hopes of a free meal

Waddles as Soos convincing Stan to give him a raise after Stan originally wanted to lower his salary

Candy switching bodies with Dipper for no reason other than she wanted to and Dipper being so done with everything

Mcgucket: "Come back! I wanna deep fry yer ears!"

Mcgucket as Candy: "I'VE REGAINED MY INNOCENCE!"

Dipper: "Well, I guess I'm a pig now. So that's a thing..."

- *proceeds to gnaw on an apple core*

Sheriff Blubs and deputy Durland presumably following a talking pig and a rabid old man to the mystery shack under the pretense of "-reports of excessive giggling."

Deputy Durland running into a wall five times for no reason after swapping into Dipper's body

Mcgucket threatening to eat Soos after everybody swapped back to their original bodies

- Mcgucket was really on point in regards to comedy this epsiode

Stan once again being hit in the head from a wayward golf ball

- Stan: "Why am I even out here at night?!"

The fact that Waddles, as Soos, somehow: gave a woman directions, presumably flirted with her, proposed to her at some point, and made his way back to the mystery shack in the span of what couldn't have been more than five hours tops

And that's all I can think of

I think I'll make this a regular thing, where I share my favorite bits and jokes from underrated pieces of media

IDK, maybe my sense of humor is just broken...

Either way, I have to go now, my planet needs me

Auf Wiedersehn, all ye rat children of the holy grail.

[writemekpop]

I Kissed the President (Part 1) | Jung Jaehyun

Summary: You're an undercover journalist digging for dirt on billionaire Jung Jaehyun. You'd do anything to get the story. Even fuck him...

Genre: Smut, angst, drama

Word Count: 0.9k

Part 1 ❤️ | Part 2 | Part 3

Jaehyun Jung stands in front of you, completely naked. He wipes his dripping hair with a towel.

Jaehyun is running for president. You’re an undercover journalist, looking for dirt to bring him down. You had just sneaked into his house – when he caught you red handed.   

 You get a little distracted by the hard planes of his stomach… his V-shaped shadow…

“Can you at least pretend you’re not looking at my junk?” he snaps. 

“I’m n-not,” you stutter. 

Jaehyun hands you a wad of 10,000 won bills. “You’re my… masseuse, right? The bathroom is that way. Don’t be long…” 

In the bathroom, you call your best friend and colleague, Giselle. 

 “Jung sees sex workers,” you whisper. 

“Oh ho… we are so bringing him down.”

“No,” you hiss. “He thinks I am one! I’ll just tell him I’m a-“

“No way!” Giselle says. “People blurt out everything in bed! Just… get him to talk.” 

Once you’ve put on the dressing gown, you leave the bathroom and sit down on the bed. Jaehyun looks, unfortunately, stunning. He is in an open black shirt and trousers, his caramel skin gleaming. 

“Well… what’s your name?“ 

“Y-“ you say, before realising you have to lie. “Asha.” 

“Well, Asha-“ He gestures to your tightly wrapped dressing gown, “Undress.”

“Aren’t you classy…” you say, rolling your eyes.     

Sighing, Jaehyun collapses onto the bed. “Oh Asha, I have no desire to discuss my life with you. I’m running for president. It’s such a drag, saving this country from an economic crisis.” 

You snort.  Jaehyun’s face darkens. “Did you just laugh at me?” 

“N-no.” 

“Go on,” he says. 

“Your… plan to make tax cuts for the rich? That’s not helping the country, that’s just helping your cronies,” you blurt out.  

Jaehyun laughs a little in surprise. Rolling over you, he gently pushes a strand of your hair over your ear.  

“Tell me why you hate my policies,” he murmurs.  

“Well…” you say, , “you call them your policies, but we all know you’re just your daddy’s puppet.” You look brazenly down at his crotch. “And your… welfare spending isn’t the only thing small about you.” 

Jaehyun smirks. His body hovers over you. His voice is low and rough. “How about I show you just how wrong you are?” 

That’s when you remember why you’re here.

Cringing, you extract yourself and drop the cash on the bed. “Ugh… you’re not worth it. Come to me when you’re actually president.” 

You feel Jaehyun’s eyes drinking you in as you move to the door. “Asha,” he says, “You’re different than I thought. You’re not-“

“What?” you tease. “Not dumb?” You sigh. “You’re an asshole. No wonder no woman will sleep with you for free.” 

You strut out of the room, to the sound of Jaehyun’s quiet, stunned laughter. 

--- The next day, Jaehyun’s mind is full of weird thoughts. Thoughts like… the sway of your hips as you walked away… how sexy it was when you talked economic policy…

“Hey… I know that look,” Taeyong, his bodyguard, says. 

“There’s no look.” Jaehyun says roughly, pushing his breakfast bowl away.

“Who is she?” Taeyong asks. “And how has she managed to steal the heart of Jaehyun Jung? 

Jaehyun’s face is bright red. “The girl from last night… she was a good ride. I want her again. Book her.” 

Taeyong grins. “On it.” 

—

Read Part 2 here 💋

MAIN MASTERLIST

[positively--speculative]

It's really unfortunate that a number of people (mostly white people) in the IWTV fandom here on Tumblr seem to have this watered down view of the gothic genre as "cool, sexy monster stuff." I mean, yeah. That's *part* of it, but that's like, a very high school Hot Topic view of it. I mean, nothing wrong with liking the stuff you did in high school or Hot Topic, but it shows a lack of a deeper understanding.

I know I've ragged on Anne Rice a lot here, but I honestly think that this is partly her responsibility. Did she craft interesting characters? Yes. Did she give them flaws? Yes. But does she do a good job of challenging them? Not really. In fact, the way she frames then makes it seem like they're not flaws at all. I can accept the fact that slavery was normalized in Louis time, but I cannot accept the idea if no one in the story challenging it. It is not unreasonable for Daniel to be attracted to Louis during the interview, but at the very least, he should be uncomfortable with his attraction to him. Sometimes bad people are still attractive. That's an uncomfortable truth. But AR doesn't handle it this way. She never addresses it.

So, it's really not hard to understand why her fandom carries such limited views on uncomfortable matter, because her writing didn't challenge them to feel uncomfortable with their attraction to Louis. To Lestat. To even fucking Marius (who I won't get into here. Other people have already written about him here and have done so better than I can). AR made the sexy vampire books, and her fans just go along with all the awful things they do because, hey, they're monsters and it's cool because they live outside human expectations of morality (even though Louis was awful before becoming a monster). AR presents shock value, but doesn't address what's shocking. Her fandom, in fact, seems to take pride in illustrating no shock over what is shocking. This, in my opinion, is an illustration of *failure* to create an effective gothic story.

The show does a much better job, in my opinion, at presenting something gothic. I, a Black biracial woman of the audience, should not be attracted to Lestat. But I *am.* I shouldn't be attracted to Louis, but I *am.* I shouldn't be looking at their family dynamic with Claudia in her earlier days as a vampire through heart-shaped lenses, but I *do.* And it's uncomfortable. It's supposed to be. And I think Daniel's character does a good job of bringing the audience back into the horrible reality of the situation and causes us to check ourselves.

And I think white fandom really does a disservice to Jacob Anderson *AND* Sam Reid by trying to argue with Black fandom over the subject of race. Racism is a central theme in this version of the story. But they don't want us to talk about it, because they're uncomfortable with it. They'd rather pretend it doesn't exist and doesn't need to be discussed. But it's *supposed* to make them uncomfortable. They're just not used to seeing the benefits of being challenged, because AR never did. And unfortunately, they're missing out in a very fulfilling part of enjoying the story because they want to keep themselves in a little bubble where they can pat each other on their backs for not being shocked by shocking things and never growing as people.