#undiagnosed world

[undiagnosedsworld-blog]

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Θολές και απελπιστες σκέψεις όπως τις σκέφτεται ένας .... σαν και εμένα

[dailyscug]

[flowersandfashion]

The opposite of a haunting is something very lonely, Katie Maria /// there's a little girl in my head, @heavensickness /// Little Girl Looking Downstairs at Christmas Party (1964) by Norman Rockwell /// Changing, Liv Ullmann /// found photograph with my words /// what they don't tell you, @tryworks /// Anne with an E, A Strong Effort of the Spirit of Good (3x07) /// Time Travel by Emhahee /// Second Wave (2023) by Amy Dury /// Katie Maria

[hoofpeet]

Various experimental doodles paired with [part of] yesterday's journal entry 👍🐄

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

[brainrotcharacters]

Paradox, baby. Can I call you Mr. Darcy? I'll call you Fitzgerald. Fitzy, are you sure you want Deadpool in the main timeline? Really? Has the mothers and fuckers of this honorable jury forgotten what happens to every other fish when you put a lionfish in their midst?

The lionfish eats them all.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

As a kid my family used to make fun of me for stuff that is apparently exclusively reserved for “old people” like rolling across the room in a rolly chair to grab something (instead of getting up and taking three steps) or sitting down at a table to do quick food prep like cut fruit or scramble an egg (instead of just standing at the counter for 90 seconds) TURNS OUT what they called laziness was just disability all along haha TURNS OUT I just needed a mobility aid yet here I am today still without one because they gaslit me into believing I was “just lazy” and it took me decades to finally understand that’s not true. haha who knew

[uncanny-tranny]

Piggybacking off this post I made last night, but I think two things can be true at once:

Being diagnosed or undiagnosed can both be disadvantages. Neither a state of diagnosis nor undiagnosis can be more "beneficial" because both can be harmful dependent on the situation. We need to be open to the possibility that a diagnosis can be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither, and not having a diagnosis can also be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither.

Basically, disability is complex. We live in an ableist world that simultaneously demands disabled people adhere to strict standards but also just not exist in the first place. It's hard enough to navigate diagnosis, and making it harder is only going to harm us, not abled people. They don't care about the intricacies of disability, more often than not.

[hetalian-veteran]

Hetalia Characters as Things my Family Members have said

The Netherlands: "Give me a sec, I gotta scrub the nicotine off the bathroom ceiling."

Germany: "Hey mom, can you please pick us up? Your son is serenading people against their will with his anti-Valentine's Day song at the nacho bar in the middle of church."

Romano: "Please bless that the potluck committee will be better prepared next time." (My brother said this while blessing the food at a church potluck, where the committee was, of course, in attendance).

America: "Get the fried chicken out of your underwear!!!!!"

Sealand: "Stop finding everything I sneak!"

Italy: "Hey everyone! They're giving out free lobster bibs in the men's room!"

Canada: "Sides?? SIDES?!? The tree is round, there are no sides!!!!!!!!"

Prussia: "Go make me a sandwich." (My brother said this to my sister and proceeded to have a laundry basket thrown at him).

Tag yourself. I'm The Netherlands, because that's something I literally found myself having to say today. (And was also the inspiration for making this post. Let me know if you wanna see more. I've got loads of stuff and my family is weird).

[angeltannis]

The fact that Symmetra’s seemingly only childhood friend was a boy she fundamentally disagreed with everything about and disliked pretty much everything that he stood for - and that it was exactly the same for him - is so so so funny to me. Unlikeable neurodivergent bitches gotta stick together

[thefrogdalorian]

Going to be very off-topic for just a sec, but given how that campaign is all over my dash, I feel like I can't go on ignoring the emotions it provokes in me. Plus, since this is such a common struggle, I hope that maybe some of you can relate and I want you to know that you aren't alone at all.

If you're also struggling with your emotions over this and you need someone to talk to in confidence, I'm here for you. I understand.

Anyway, warning for mentions of alcohol abuse below the cut:

It's always fascinating to me how alcohol is marketed as this positive thing which brings you happiness and a great social life. When in reality, it often destroys relationships and lives and is, by definition, a depressant. It is a substance which often leaves you unhappier, fatter, lonelier, weaker, sicker, poorer...

And also, do you ever notice how it's never marketed around the taste (because it's literally poisonous and due to social pressure, we have to trick our brains by drinking it enough times that we eventually convince ourselves we actually like the taste of poison)?

It's always about sharing a beer with friends at the beach or enjoying a glass of wine with a meal. Never about how delicious it tastes...

While you may crave the feeling of being drunk, do most people really enjoy the taste and that's the primary reason why they drink? Is that the main reason given at AA meetings/rehab clinics? Do you ever hear alcoholics say: "I couldn't stop drinking that beer because it was just so crisp and refreshing!"

No, of course not. Alcohol is primarily used as a social crutch, or as an escape from one's problems. Dutch courage, social drinking where you feel giggly, giddy and tipsy... until one day you realise you can't socialise without it and it transforms from enjoyment to dependency, hopefully before you permanently damaged your organs...

Anyway, this isn't me being puritanical. I'm not mad at these campaigns or those who star in them, because at the end of the day, celebrities will always take cash from questionable sources. Money talks. Always has, always will.

It's merely an observation on the life this campaign 'sells,' as someone who has decided to break the generational cycle of alcoholism in my family and has been sober for 18 months now.

And a way for me to sort through my feelings and vent my own emotions around these kinds of campaigns. I don't miss alcohol and I don't feel tempted to drink whatsoever, but it's everywhere and there will remain a danger for the rest of my life that I could forget everything I've learned about alcohol. I don't want to lose sight of why I walked away from this destructive drug which is so widely accepted. When the truth is it is far more harmful to you than many illegal drugs.

If you enjoy alcohol, I truly hope you have fun with it in moderation. But I hope you can also stop and recognise the risks involved each time you reach for the bottle. The slippery slope you may be on which there is a danger you don't realise you've been sliding down until you're at the bottom, looking back up. And I hope you realise that what these advertising campaigns show are never rooted in the reality of what this substance can do to you.

If you start drinking that beer, it's far more likely you'll end up with kidney damage than you will ever get to share a cold bottle of it on the beach with that actor you love so much...

[the-great-kraken]

i can't stop thinking about super strength as an allegory for dyspraxia

it sounds a little counterintuitive, since super strength usually comes with connotations of peak physical ability, but i think outside of the obvious there's a lot of really fascinating slightly more subtle overlap

a lot of characters with super strength are often shown to be clumsy - if mainly for comedy purposes. they'll misjudge their own strength and break whatever they're holding or throw things a comical distance or a friendly nudge will send an ally through a wall.

while dyspraxia obviously doesn't work exactly like this, the experience of attempting to have my body do one thing only to have it respond unpredictability and, depending on context, sometimes destructively, is altogether too real.

the archetypal example of super strength is superman, and his iconic 'i live in a world of cardboard' speech really illustrates that a core aspect of his strength is the requirement to constantly limit himself and adjust the way his body works, or else risk devastating consequences - essentially masking. he has to be constantly vigilant and aware of every action so he can try and ensure that his body responds Correctly. as much as the stakes are clearly much higher for superman than your average dyspraxic, that’s a very relatable feeling for me.

this can also make for some interesting commentary on accessibility, since the world around him isn't built for him to interact with safely. strong characters struggling to use certain more breakble objects is a pretty regular gag, and depending on the nature of the story, it's fairly common for their genius friends to build versions of objects that are reliable and safe for them - essentially giving them proper accommodations they couldn't otherwise access.

this struggle to interact with the world around them is often shown to worsen when under emotional stress - think mr incredible throwing his boss through a building and breaking his car door. for me, this is very common, as it becomes more difficult to focus on my movements when distracted, and it's always worse when because i'm upset, exhausted or frustrated.

this last point has less to do with existing tropes and more to do with what i think could be an interesting direction to take characters like this. as a dyspraxic person, i often feel a disconnect between what i view as Me and what is My Body. when i attempt to do one thing only to end up doing another, it can feel like my mind is an entirely different entity to my body. i think pushing a superpowered character in this direction could be incredibly compelling, and could be easily combined with the classic internal conflict of "am i my secret identity or my super alter ego?" (for anyone curious this is why i'm so attached to luther from the umbrella academy. his ape body took on a life of its own in my head since the show did nothing with it.)

but yeah, a lot of classic super strength tropes are very relatable for me, and i think with a little push could make for an absolutely brilliant disability metaphor. i've been toying with this as a concept for a while, but i've never quite managed to put a proper character framework on top, forget a plot, so i figured i'd try to get it out of my system for a bit with a tumblr post instead

[drivenbydopamine]

I just need to sit at the end of a dock on a lake for about 12 to 8,760 hours and I'll be fine.

[tatsumi-rin]

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

[talkethtothehandeth]

Trying to not panic and not think about the fact that if this doctor doesn’t do his job, my last hope is paying for treatment out of pocket at a teaching hospital one state away because I can’t afford the mayo clinic

If I do not get treatment, I will die.

I don’t know what to think anymore

[gncrezan]

gncrezan get behind me the girlies CANNOT be normal about this poll 🤺🤺

LMFAOOOO i don't think i made clear enough that this poll is genuinely low stakes, i enjoy talking about it !!! and i like to see what others also think of the situation!! it's obviously a very complicated one which is why people are defending their takes in the tags (thanks everyone the 200 word tag thinkpiece is literally exactly what i wanted from this you've fallen into my trap)

if anything the poll has shown that sevenmancers are stronger than me. schrodinger's cat of a RO like you don't know if you've bagged them or not until you check the metaphorical bag