#under readmore bc. idk. just me talking

[gaylittleguys]

I feel like ‘found family’ has become such a idk watered down ready for marketing term but WOW do I really really love like. unprepared adult finding a child and needing to raise and help them stories. 🥺 especially if the child/‘parent’ are fundamentally very different and the parent is doing what they can to try and support the child to the best of their ability with their different needs even if they don’t fully understand.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my Sharpstone characters and seeing the wild robot tonight reminded me of my original story concept which was Jasper finding a lost monster/vampire/bat kid that’s completely different from him and helping her. (+ Lio along too) Even tho I decided to focus on their story before that bc it was more interesting and would set up things better for that first idea, I still really like that story it’s very special to me. I hope I do get to tell it someday. Maybe I’ll doodle bits of it….

[shaanks]

Hii, i wanted to ask what ur favorite detail of body/ personality about shanks?

oh lord, i. collapsing falling down the stairs that's a hard one to narrow down, I think every inch of him is beautiful and find him endlessly fascinating BUT I also yammering about him so okay lets try. Putting this under a readmore bc it got long LOL

Favorite part(s) of his body: Probably his scruffy jawline, his chest/tummy/and his hand(s). Just like.

like. do u see what I am saying.

like that divot between his wrist and thumb also I--honorable mention since it's so intrinsic to him people address him using this but also his hair is SO PRETTY. The color, the texture, the way he lays around the nape of his neck.

Anon I'm sorry I think that man is so gorgeous idk how to narrow it down to just one trait lmfaoooo

Okay though moving on!

Favorite personality trait:

This one's getting a couple of things too lmfao.

I really enjoy it about him that he's both funny goofy silly as like. a genuine core pillar of his personality, and also as a conscious choice that he makes so a) the people he cares for feel comfortable around him and b) he can pay attention to situations from a lot closer than he could if he was being A Big Scary Emperor all the time. (plus the bonus reasoning that he knows how powerful he is and how different from other people he is, and has put a lot of effort into being really difficult to provoke because of this).

I love that he's a little shy!!! Like, we've only seen it in small, select situations, but the way he gets kind bashful and giggly when people are gushing about him or being super sweet to him is so lovely and endearing, it feels like such a personal little reaction he has and it makes me wanna wrap him up in my arms every time I think about it.

His propensity for kindness and compassion, and how those things and loyalty to his friends are the most likely emotions to drive him to action. Don't get me wrong, he can absolutely revoke those things if sufficiently provoked, but like. Him talking about how it's okay to cry, how he takes care of the funeral arrangements for Ace and Whitebeard bc despite the fact that the WBP were technically his rivals/"enemies", they're pirates, and people he knows, and they were all in such dire grief that he stepped in to take all that off their plates. The way he entreated Whitebeard to call Ace off the hunt so he wouldn't be killed, the way he stepped in not only to save Koby, but to highlight his bravery and legitimize his need for rest. There is a LAUNDRY list of stuff he does like this, hell the way he interacted with Luffy as a child could be its own long ass post lmfao.

This got so out of hand LMFAO I hope these kinda answered your questions though!!! Thank you so much again for asking, I love and jump on any chance to talk about him. ; u ;

[elvhenmage]

everything i have to say abt davrin lacks the extra nuance that i assume one gets from his romance scenes, but i still find him fascinating – that drive for Purpose that made him join the gray wardens, and yet, the pursuit of that Purpose often framing him in… sort of insignificant ways? ways that de-center him?

finding and caring for the griffins is important, but his way of speaking about it tends to position him as just The Guy Who This Task Falls To – the bodyguard, not as important as the actual trainers who died. (which shifts a bit over time, but initially……)

and like, being the one to slay the archdemon and die in the process is in no way insignificant, but it's not JUST that – he considers ALL the wardens that died in weisshaupt heroes, and thus, there’s that sense that he failed by not fighting till the bitter end like they did. even if he didn't die to the archdemon, and just fell to the army of darkspawn, he would have Fulfilled That Purpose still.

and he DOES take pride in a lot of the things he’s been able to do since joining the gray wardens, but even then, those sort of heroics seem to often be framed as A Gray Warden Thing (sweeping thru a town beset by darkspawn and saving the townsfolk) rather than… something that he, As Davrin, has done.

(wish i remembered more of the phrasing he uses when talking abt his monster carvings – done for a very noble purpose, and is more obviously something that he can do because of HIS specific experiences with monsters and HIS skills with woodcarving/whittling, but even so, i think what he says still decenteres him from the act a bit)

SO. that sense of loss and failure he has to grapple with… the guilt that comes with LIVING………. thinking you’ve found Your Purpose and then having to grapple with not fulfilling that and eventually finding A New Purpose………. and then facing the possibility of dying nobly anyway OR watching a friend carry out that last noble sacrifice in your place???? much and more could – and likely has – been said about him by those more eloquent that me but even so. even so…

this got so long LOL i'll put it under a readmore. also i hope i managed to stay at least sort of on topic, i kinda got carried away 😭

well as far as i've been able to tell, outside of locking in the romance during the feeding the halla quest, you only get the one extra scene near the end if he's been romanced, so 🤡 but i've only played his romance so far so idk what exactly is exclusive and what isn't. i won't get started on all That though bc i have a whole other set of complaints about his romance

but he absolutely is de-centered in a lot of his own story, which is a huge shame because at the beginning it seemed like it was setting up to BE something. one of the first real convos you have with him at the lighthouse is about how he feels about suddenly being a caretaker and not just a bodyguard. his role has completely shifted from "stand guard while someone else parents the griffons" to "i'm the one who has to make sure assan is properly cared for." and then he applies that logic to assan and the griffons: "these animals live to fight - but i wonder if there's another path for them?" at which point you can say yeah, everyone can find a new path. but then they don't deliver on that For Him specifically, it's just always about the griffons

like it just feels like it wasn't tied together properly. because there is so much to examine wrt how he feels/acts after weisshaupt and how he's had his main purpose in life ripped away from him. and i think you're right in that it is often framed as A Grey Warden Thing but i also think that could've been, like... part of his issue, yk? because he says in one of his journals that basically he felt like he had to prove himself to his clan when he left and he acknowledges that he was being bullheaded and has since chosen to stay distant. so i think him not allowing himself to be The Hero so to speak could be attributed to him trying to make being a warden MEAN something. if that makes sense. it's just that there's no satisfying follow up to any of it because the writing cares primarily for assan/the griffons

he just has so much potential. obvs we've had warden stories before and it's nothing new that a lot of them feel like they have one singular purpose in life, but this is the only one where he tries to fulfill that purpose and fails. the HOF didn't fail because they knew they weren't going to die if they did the dark ritual. but davrin fully expects to die! and there's no weight to it! they bring up the fact that wardens die killing archdemons as party banter for christ's sake - i sat through the first part of weisshaupt going "so is anyone gonna talk about this, or ???" only for him to have like two lines about it that you as the player can't even choose how to respond to iirc. and then he finds a new purpose after weisshaupt where he wants to live because he sees a future for the first time, and that can still be taken away from him. but all anybody ever wants to talk about is oh poor assan!! if davrin dies so does he so i guess i'll save davrin so the poor little baby griffon doesn't die too! and it's like HELLO?? what are you people even talking about. there is so much potential in davrin and his life and thoughts and feelings and how he could be swayed more towards the wardens or the dalish in the exact same way the griffons are but he's consistently ignored by both the narrative and fans.

and actually i will circle back to the romance point in the first paragraph - i don't know if it's romance-specific but during the final check in at the lighthouse after the point of no return, you get this very brief convo:

DAVRIN: wonder what my old dalish clan would think if they could see me now. ROOK: no reason you can't visit them after this is over. DAVRIN: yeah. i could. DAVRIN: (chuckles) and i'd definitely bring assan.

and it's just, like. MADDENING to me. to me, it feels like there's no real moment where you get to further press on the "everyone can find a new path" dialogue and his "was i born a monster hunter, destined to do this job, or did i have a choice?" journal entry to actually dig into how he feels about what he feels like he should be doing. you can't help him through the internal struggle of his warden duties vs his dalish identity even though it is a DIRECT PARALLEL to what do to with the griffons. like i guess the subtext is that whatever you choose with the griffons is also you choosing what his future will be like but they don't SHOW that. his final line isn't even about him!! it's only about the griffons!!

i dunno man. i feel like an insane person sometimes because i don't know if maybe i'm missing something or misunderstanding or not remembering or whatever. it just doesn't feel like he got the respect the rest of the companions did with their personal quests and it sucks because you can see the glimmers of potential in his storyline and how perfectly he parallels the fate of the griffons. they just didn't spotlight him enough for it to feel like his issues were resolved imo. which is exactly what so many people were afraid of as promo material was coming out, and now here we are, having to deal with people saying the final choice is "harding vs assan" and ignoring davrin completely.

but anyway!!! that's all i have time for because my lunch break is over and my boss is already on my case. thanks for the ask and for letting me ramble though <3

[huntershowl-moving]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

i don't have one particular otp — big ships change depending on the Era hellhound is in!

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

nothing illegal obviously — other than that, aside from long-lifespan characters whose mental maturation is slower, i generally stay away from with 10+ year age gaps when the younger muse is under 20. just feels like a weird power dynamic i guess?

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

yes! ships on this blog cannot be pre-established — i tend to lose interest fast if they don't build up naturally, either through lots of ooc plotting or through writing. on top of that, seph is ... piiiiicky. she has very specific Types. generally, ships with very gentle, soft, mentally well-adjusted characters are possible, but transient — seph falls out of love after a point, but remains staunchly protective of them.

the long and short of the matter is she's a freak, and you kind of have to match that to be compatible as a long-term partner. but even then they don't always line up perfectly! idk. seph's weird. simultaneously very easy to ship with and very hard to ship with.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

oh i've got lots of good ones going on right now!! pls forgive me for gushing. focusing on currently heavily-plotted and/or written ones for this bit bc otherwise it will be pages and pages!! if i forgot someone you have full permission to impale me on a pike i am SO SORRY. (all of these will be under a readmore at the end of the post for length!)

there are more sort of beginnings/potentials for ships that haven't been explored yet which i haven't included here, but i'm truly excited to see where each and every one of them goes!!!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

yes absolutely hahaha — at least communicating ooc about it is necessary! i'm much more comfortable shipping with partners i mesh well with as a mun and have an easy time talking to.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

LOOK I. LISTEN. LISTEN... IM FERAL FOR SHIPS. FERAL. even though seph is picky about them — and i promise it's not personal if it doesnt work, it truly is just her dumb creature ass being unable to normal.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

N/A for this blog, but as a fun trivia fact, i'm deep in satosugu hell rn

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

it's all vibes babey. we just start writing their non-romantic dynamic buildup, and if it clicks (or even if u just think ur character would have a crush!) we talk about it ooc and plot some more, then plot some more and before u know it, the angst hammer looms over ur head

Tagged by: @bearratic (thank youuuu!!) Tagging: (points) do it

ship gushing below. <3

@vsagis' villain izuku— i had to put u first bc u kickstarted this shipping renaissance. seph and izuku clicked instantly and started a long-term trajectory that i don't think either of us writers expected. they're just freak enough to match each other, just soft enough to genuinely care. we're really putting these two through the horrors(tm) and watching them fall hopelessly, horribly in love. <3

@spiritcrown's pasha — how could i not mention pasha!! i was so happy to see you back, because pasha and seph's relationship was soooo formative for seph's development wrt romance. seph is absolutely, completely and utterly devoted to pasha. they worship at the altar of her. they would bend heaven and raise hell for her.

@crowshoots' jesper — UAHGHGBBHBH INCOHERENT CRYING NOISES. the first thing seph noticed about jesper was extremely respectable fighting skills, but even then they were definitely uhhhh touch and go for a while there before they started to simmer down and. pin each other down and — one thing led to another and jesper's being antagonized by her antagonists and they're too deeply in love to go back!! i love them. i l

@crowgreeds' kaz — HHHHHHHHH god. hi siri i know ur not around the dash much but idc im writing u into this. kaz and seph both have such a darkness in them that the other recognizes and not only feeds, but when necessary, balances. they're ruthless and violent and mean but at the same time, they have such a softness for each other that they both thought was dead. also, you're the recipient of probably the best rp reply i've ever written (that fucking. hellhound kill description. my GOD im feral for seph protecting him)

@tewwor.... goose is2g we really have the creatures ever. litho — FIRST SHIP!!!! FIRST SHIIIP i still cant believe it took 4 irl years for them to finally admit their stupid feelings. now they're soulmates and there's no turning back. he's the reason seph likes poetry in every verse. the softest snarkiest ship. probably the closest to a true YA-style soulmate seph has. she hasn't forgiven him for all the twilight jokes though tough luck jie & ricochet — the boys... the absolute chaos trio... i never expected seph and jie to fall for each other but honestly i should have. he falls so neatly into her "equally feral" type. ricochet is so calm and seph is kind of intoxicated by that. sheathed claws kind of vibe. just love these three their dynamic balances itself so well

@spungolden's dio — two femmes raised as weapons with deeply suppressed emotions, chillin in a murder alley, five feet apart cause theyre not g— (theyre gay. theyre so gay) these two are so sweet they sometimes make me tear up. they skipped the trauma stage and went straight into lesbian domestic fantasy with only occasional murder.

@chaoslulled oh boy(s). toji — brutally in love. they saw and embraced each other's monster, refused to shy away, and now they somehow revolve in this strange orbit of violent and incredibly soft with each other. i think he's the first of the current ship lineup that seph has in-thread said the L-word to. this ship was so easy to jump right into, the chemistry was like lightning in a bottle. satoru — one of the most genuinely unexpected slowburn ships i've stumbled into. these two read each other for filth INSTANTLY as lonely motherfuckers who, in some way or another, had loved and lost. they haven't even gotten to the oh-shit moment in the slowburn yet but i'm lookin forward to it yakuza sukuna — THE PAIN. THE SUFFERING. AUHHHGHGGGG HOL YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING MEEEE. these two are mirrors in the worst possible way. they've got their throats stuck under their boss' boot heels; they've been disfigured, they've had their siblings used as leverage, they've been made into muzzled dogs. despite hating each other at the start, they can't not recognize that, and it's led to this fierce protectiveness that isssss whoops evolving into feelings. i'm sure nothing will go wrong

@eraserisms' shota — AHHHHHHH god okay most of this ship has been pure plotting vibes and responses to memes, but i truly cannot wait to get into writing more of them because they own my heart and soul. i think they know each other to the marrow in a way that's not super common for seph, and the gentleness and caution with which they're starting to explore revisiting their care for each other is heartbreaking in the best way

@sasouken BEE!!!! ok chronologically(??): deku — so precious and wholesome from the start. your honor he's just a little guy with a big dumb crush. when i tell uuuuuu some of our plotting has literally made me tear up a little??? the absolute bleeding heart on this boy??? HURTS ME??? one day they'll hold hands casper — slated to be our angstiest dynamic, i just Know it. two motherfuckers who love their siblings, inextricably involved in a tangled web of crime and violence. two people who have lost so much and don't want to lose anyone ever again. i will die i WILL satoru — such... a different vibe than i was expecting in an amazing way?? his dynamic with seph is so fuckin sweet? so much physical touch born of trust and comfort. also again: her first ever fwb (for now), which is truly a wild thing to experience. sukuna — i .. . dont even know what to say about this one. (affectionate). he unlocked an entirely new dimension of freak in seph's psyche and attraction style that i couldn't comprehend before we started writing them but retrospectively makes so much sense. what the fuck is going on with these two i have no idea but i am OBSESSED with it. also writing them getting down nasty has been extremely fun, i'm enjoying it a lot

[nikadd]

911 7x09 speculation based on the stills

ok im gonna do this thing for fun where i try to predict the order of events of 911 7x09 from the stills that were released bc there were MANY and im just trying to figure out how they are gonna fit everything into the episode. obviously everything is going to be under a readmore.

for clarity's sake, it is 11pm pst on 5/22, the episode airs tomorrow 5pm pst, so the sneak peek clip into the episode has not been released yet.

and i will come back to this post later to see how close i got. there are definitely going to be scenes where i got their order relatively to each other in the same storyline, but maybe the way they intersect with the other storylines could be offbase.

we are most likely missing scenes to have full context of everything, but this is the closest i think i can get to without having seen any sneak peeks or anything else. feel free to let me know what yall think!

1. 911 call

i think we are going to begin with a cold open of a call, just like many other episodes. from the pictures released, there's only one known call, so i'm not 100% sure that it's going to be the first one.

if the call is actually in the middle of the episode, then the first scene would be:

2. the award ceremony

it makes sense to have it happen earlier rather than later because it sets up both bobby's and hen's storylines (and also im assuming eddie's)

it's probably gonna begin with a few speeches and then a sequence of scenes happening around the same time.

3. athena and maddie

athena and maddie celebrating their husbands' medals (with a quick emphasis on bobby's convo in the corner and maybe athena's reaction)

4. henren + surprise guest

hen and karen and their kids also celebrating, but then this guest actress character shows up and somehow affects the whole adoption storyline (911 instagram earlier posted stills from 7x02 where the son of a councilwoman died while hen was interim captain, so im assuming it's either the councilwoman or her agent). this scene could also take place later within the sequence, maybe right before we switch to another location.

5. buck, eddie, christopher, and marisol

a quick moment with buck, eddie, christopher, and marisol. maybe there is a line that directly addresses eddie's lie in a dramatic irony kind of way, like the audience knows what's going on but the other characters don't.

6: henren and tommy

not sure if henren and tommy talking happens before hen's storyline or after and whether it happens before the buck/eddie scene or after. also would be interested to see if this scene is tommy apologizing for past behavior (it was implied offscreen). or maybe it's some kind of a mlm wlw conversation. or maybe even some kind of "if you hurt him we hurt you" conversation. IF this happens after the buck/eddie scene, then maybe tommy asks henren about the nature of that relationship and buck's connection to chris. basically, idk if it's gonna be a conversation about buck or not, but chances are, it is.

7. back at the grant-nash house

this scene was in the promo. basically, bobby still has a lot of survivor guilt and doesn't like being called a hero. athena is worried. the ad break probably happens right after here.

8. eddie and kim's date

absolutely zero idea how this is going to go. kim might do something that is very shannon-like, or maybe she does the total opposite. they might get caught, they might now. actually, i think it is too early in the episode for the secret to be fully revealed, but there is a chance that buck might run into them, and so maybe they have an awkward scene. we are promised a buck x kim scene, but it's unclear if it's gonna happen in this episode or next.

9. hen figuring out the adoption issues

(unsure if the meeting with madney is gonna happen before the first still or not, but im assuming after.)

hen is disappointed with some kind of bureaucratic bullshit she is being put through, so she needs advice.

10. athena seeks out amir's help

in the promo, athena is at the hospital when she says that bobby needs help. amir also has survivor guilt, so it's smart for athena to ask him.

it's cut closely with a scene with henren and madney, but it's definitely a misdirection. the way that athena says it, im assuming there is an ad break or a scene switch right after.

11. henren and madney figuring out the adoption stuff

they are making a plan!

WILDCARD: marisol and christopher

okay so these pics were posted a while ago so i'm assuming they are for these episode, even though there is a chance it's for the finale.

this scene could be happening closer to the end of the episode, but i feel like it might be a scene where eddie actually has marisol babysitting christopher because he's out with kim. or something like that. like i think maybe here we have marisol suspecting something? now, the second pic does look like it's in a hospital, so MAYBE it's not from this episode, but we'll see.

12. amir and athena

they are continuing their previous conversation outside.

13. firehouse

next day? later same day? hen is working on the documents. probably some kind of thematically important conversation with bobby. transitions into:

a fun little sequence of the 118 crew working together to make a meal and then enjoy it together. very much a bobby focus. maybe he's considering finally retiring?

14. more henren and madney

later that day, i'm assuming. the bottom image has somebody in the right corner, and i'm assuming it's karen, sharing an update on the situation.

15. amir, athena, and bobby at athena and bobby's place

not sure if the images are in the correct order, but i'm assuming that the plot here is that bobby shows up in the house as athena is talking to amir, so bobby finds out they've been working together behind his back.

16. eddie and christopher

this conversation seems very important. the bottom pic makes me feel like it's closer to the end of the episode than the beginning. i think eddie either realizes something here or at the very least decides to do something, as he's reminded that christopher is the most important person and he shouldn't hurt him.

17. buck and ...?

same as with the previous scene, the bottom pic makes me think it's in the end of the episode. could be a scene with tommy? maybe it's them breaking it off, or maybe just having an important conversation. buck does look like he's experiencing Something.

(there IS a chance that this scene happens before the eddie and christopher one. maybe it's between buck and eddie.)

18. the fire

okay so there IS a chance that this fire is a dream. if it is, i'm assuming it happens in the beginning of the episode, like a cold open instead of the 911 call. BUT... i think it's in the end of the episode. i think the fire is how the episode ends, and that's how bobby ends up in the hospital in the finale.

[rathockey]

one year on t!

today is the anniversary of when i started T so i kinda wanted to make a post about what thats been like for me!

under a readmore so if you don't want to read a wall of text about testosterone you don't have to aslkdfjalksd

i'll reblog this post to add pictures of me from the past year

also if you have any questions related to my experience on T, my askbox is open and i do have anon on. :)

so i decided to do the gel instead of the shot because i had needle issues. i don't think i really do anymore though, because for the first year of care, they have you go every three months to get your hemoglobin and t levels checked and they draw blood for that. but i am still sticking with the gel because there's a lower risk of blood clots(APPARENTLY - this was told to me by a nurse PLEASE double check this with your doctor and confirm if thats a concern for you), and since i'm on a hormonal birth control, i want to do everything i can to keep that risk low!

I also started on a half dose bc I was a liiiiittle nervous about it, and went up to the full dose after 6 months.

so. pros and cons of t gel:

pros: no needles (also makes for easier disposal), lower risk of blood clots (again, feel free to fact check me on this)

cons: its daily, i've had issues with acne on my shoulders, can't wear tank tops

overall i think its the best option for me right now, though i might change my mind in the future!

changes so far:

voice - my voice has gotten deeper and is starting to crack. my voice no longer gives me away if someone genders me correctly before i start talking

hair - toe hair, leg hair, arm hair, ass hair. no facial hair. a liiiittle bit of tummy hair

libido/horniness - i had a pretty low sex drive before starting t bc my bc kinda killed any semblance of one i had before aldksfjalkds so im not 100% more horny all the time, it kind of comes in waves. but i am WAY more horny and interested in sex than i was before

bottom growth - this was the thing that concerned me THE MOST before i started. i did NOT want bottom growth, i liked my bits where they were. but honestly its not bad at all. i didn't even notice it was happening. i think its leveled off for now which is good, i'm chill with where its at, but if it does start growing again, we'll see how i feel about it aksdjfklads i've seen some people have INSANE bottom growth. also. if you're thinking about getting on T. bottom growth is one of the FIRST things to happen. so you gotta be chill with it aldskfjalksd

muscle mass/fat distribution - i really haven't noticed too much change in this department yet. i don't really have any fat on me (just a little on my hips and some on my thighs) so that could be why I haven't noticed much change? and i'm not currently going to the gym so idk in terms of muscle mass.

ultimately I'm very happy with where i am in my transition and i can't wait to see what the next year brings! (facial hair maybe? we can only hope)

[whitefangz]

sorry i need to overshare on tumblr dot com. nothing serious but it might be long so im putting it under a readmore

i started seeing a therapist in june and just stopped and i am not intending this to come across as anti therapy in any way but im like LASKJF idk. i need to tell somebody else about this. I contacted her in like mid May i think and i specifically sought her out bc she said she does cognitive behavioral therapy and ive read thats a good option for people dealing w my issues and started seeing her in june and like. The first couple of times were fine i honestly didnt really like it but everyone and their dog is always like ohhh it always kinda sucks at first and also i simply hate talking about my feelings etc so i expected that. fine whatever. anyway red flag number one was that she didnt seem to understand how insurance works at all and said i could just pay her on venmo. and i was like. Um ok. but she said i wouldnt need to for a couple weeks so i just left it alone. red flag number two is that one time she brought her enormous dog and it lunged at me and tried to bite me in the face. LASJKFG which to be honest. I almost walked out at that point and i mean she was very apologetic + usual dog owner "he never does that im so sorry!!!!!!" and removed him from the office but like Who fucking brings their horse sized dog to a therapy appt without asking if the person is ok with it. And like she was accredited and shit its not like i was going to see someone in their basement. i would ignore these if i thought her sessions were like remotely helpful but all she would do was like. Ask me about what i did and then tell me not to do that. Like i pace around the house a lot when im anxious. and she would be like well try not to do that. ok! see you next week. Like. Do you think ive not thought of that one. she also kept insisting that my phobia has to be like rooted in some kind of trauma or that its actually Secretly about being afraid of embarrassment and i would be like. i dont think its either of those things. and then she'd be like Ok well i don't really know how to help you :/ Which honestly idk. i was put off by her saying that repeatedly as is but then last week she just decided she was going to make me try exposure therapy which i told her before i don't want to do / don't feel ready to do right now. i just want to focus on managing the anxiety first. and she just like told me to do it anyway LJKFD idk. i emailed her to tell her i didnt want to continue and she was like that's ok. you might want to try EMDR therapy. btw you still ahve to pay me on venmo. and im just sitting here like 1) No i dont think i will need to try that and 2) I paid her thru my insurance like a normal person LASKJF like i dont know. i feel like i dodged a bullet or something. i'll try again someday but at this point im just happy to stop paying $20 a week for a woman to tell me to meditate. perhaps this is an uninteresting wall of text but if you read this far picture me shaking your hand. just a life update from me

[plague-of-insomnia]

what kind of accents do you think the cast has? im a dub main for various reasons (one of my friends had a reading/memory disability so i ended up watching dub w them) so im kinda used to everyones dub accents.

but bards defo got an american accent right? (not in the dub, but im thinking manga terms?)

and ik soma & agni have barely a trace of an accent but does that mean they sound basically british?

and does finny have a german accent? sieglinde? diedrich?

idk food for thought?

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

(Sorry it’s been a rough couple days and I didn’t realize I hadn’t published this yet.)

Hey anon… so I’m a bit confused as to if you’re asking about the Japanese accents in the various anime, the English dub accents (or some other dub), or just my thoughts on what their various accents would be like based on the manga and independent of the anime.

Now I have only watched Kuro in English bc that’s the only thing that was available/that’s available on what I have at the moment (though I’m finally getting the blu rays for BoM and BoA so I’m hoping they’ll have the Japanese to try that out for once), so I can’t make judgements based on that. (And I’m not a good one to ask about Japanese accents anyway, lol.)

I also favor dubs bc of my disability. I love hearing the Japanese but it can be hard for me to follow sometimes, and even english alone without captions I can struggle with (please fix this, CR!!! Grr), so I feel you there.

Also not sure which characters you had in mind with this ask (other than the ones you specifically mentioned). Since kuro has so many, I guess I’ll just focus on a few. I want to make clear I am American and Latine, so I am not an expert on British regional accents by any stretch, or the historical accents of the Victorian period, so I’ll just do my best. Some may be partly inspired by how the characters are written in Japanese, since there’s a bit more… complexity to the Japanese language in regards to things like formality, rudeness, etc, that may not convert into English when translated in writing.

This is a long post so I’ll use a readmore to keep it a bit less chaotic. Below the break I’ve broken down my hypotheses on how some of the major players might talk:

Sebastian

As a high-ranking servant who regularly interacts with the nobility, Sebastian would have a high-class accent, and it is reflected in how his Japanese (and even his English) is written. It is a fairly neutral, polite manner of speaking. I’m sure the Victorians probably had a term for this accent (a high-class servant accent), but if they did, I don’t know it lol.

Ciel

Most nobles like him would be educated in a public school like Weston, like his father was, and those schools taught a standard accent that often varied slightly from school to school. So everyone who went to Weston would have a similar manner of speech. Ciel has been “home schooled” his entire life, aside from a short time at Weston for the investigation, so his accent might have been slightly different than his father’s. Nevertheless, especially under Sebastian’s tutelage, he would have learned how to speak properly (if he didn’t already). Still, unless Sebastian intentionally had him learn the Weston/public school accent, anyone who speaks to him would know he did not go to school, but was taught by tutors/governesses instead.

Bard

Yes, Bard is American despite his dub accent. We don’t know where he’s from exactly, but we can assume it was probably somewhere west of the Mississippi (that’s about 1/3 of the way west if you’re looking at the US map, going east to West, if you’re not familiar with our Geography).

I say that bc the river was the first real demarcation of the frontier. It’s likely he was living somewhere like Texas or Oklahoma. Ofc where he’s from would affect his accent, but I imagine it as a kind of cross between a more neutral southern midwestern accent (���no accent”) and a subtle Texas or OK one. Which that’s hard to explain unless you really know regional US accents, bc most of Texas doesn’t sound like most people think it does. The accents really change depending on what part of the state you’re in, since it’s such a big place. But basically not too heavy an accent but a bit lazy, definitely coarse and brutish since he was a soldier and a farmer. Lots of slang and not big on politeness. (Which he definitely is in Japanese.)

Mey Rin

She’s interesting because she’s one of the few characters who has a couple different ways of speaking. She has her “maid” voice and her “assassin” voice. The first one stutters a lot and uses imperfect grammar, as reflected in the English translation when she repeats things, like “I’m not one to talk badly about my betters, I am.” The second does not have this quirk. Not sure if the first is meant as an affectation as part of her idea of what a maid is, or if she just has such a divide he her personality/personas that she speaks differently when she’s wielding a gun. Since that wasn’t really mentioned in her subarc, I doubt we’ll get an explanation. We do know she was likely a child of immigrants from China, but not whether she was born there or in England before she was orphaned. But it is unlikely she has any hint of a Chinese accent since she was orphaned so young. She definitely has more of a working class accent, especially when compared to someone like Sebastian.

Finny

I had momentarily forgotten that Finny didn’t speak English when he first came to the manor. It’s likely that he would have had some kind of German accent, but I expect that Sebastian would have drilled it out of him, considering how strict he was with Sieglinde and Wolf, and Ciel didn’t blink an eye.

Finny’s accent in English never struck me as particularly high class, either in the manga or anime, but in one of the recent chapters, Theo makes a point to compliment his “upper-class accent.” It does seem highly probable that Sebastian played a hand in how he speaks, since he probably was the one who taught him English.

However, the fact that it came up in this sub arc could indicate his way of speaking is significant, somehow tying into what’s going on with Undertaker and the orphanage. Either way, his accent is apparently closer to Ciel than Mey.

Snake

Snake is tricky, because he almost never speaks as himself (I’m still not 100% sure what pronoun he would use for himself in Japanese, and even he doesn’t seem sure lol). He speaks via his snakes, and they all have different ways of speaking (which I think the dub does a decent job of, personally). So I can’t really say, but for the most part I would probably say his accent(s) would be closer to working-class, but he might have gotten some lessons on speaking from Sebastian, since, as a footman, he would have been expected to speak at a higher-class level than other, below-stairs servants would.

Undertaker

Like Mey, UT has two manners of speaking. He has his “humble old undertaker” accent, which is Cockney-esque (I don’t wanna do a disservice by saying it IS that), definitely a lower class accent. Then he has his “revealed” voice, or how he speaks after he reveals himself on the Campania. I have not read this arc in Japanese so I cannot base this judgement on how this shift is portrayed by Yana, only based on the translation. But it definitely seems to be a higher-class accent than the other one. It’s likely that it’s his “real” accent, while the other is part of his cover persona. However, we don’t know anything about him or his background from when he was alive, or even how old he is. For all we know, that accent could be an affectation too.

Agni & Soma

I know their dub accents annoy a lot of people, since Yana specifically mentions how they don’t have an Indian accent. I expect both of them would speak with a British accent, probably something close to how Ciel speaks, most likely, since Soma would have been educated by tutors and Agni probably was as well, since he came from a very high-caste family. I would expect that if their dub accents has been closer to Yana’s intent, they would sound more like Hakim in the dub of the anime Emma. That’s how I imagine them, anyway.

Sieglinde & Wolfram

I expect both would have German accents when they speak English, especially Wolf. Sieglinde might do a better job of working to improve and lose it, but I don’t think Wolf would, partly because of his animosity toward Sebastian. I like to imagine he sounds like Hans in the English dub of the anime Emma, and I really hope we eventually get the Green Witch Arc animated and dubbed so we can get a hot German English accent 🥺.

Diedrich

Dee, on the other hand, I think would not have a German accent in English, especially not in the present. I think he probably was educated in English before he went to Weston, likely by a private tutor, probably someone British, and then when he went there would have acclimated to the public school assent there. So probably he would sound like Vincent did, but I expect he’d throw in some German every now and then, especially when he gets irritated, lol.

Lau

Lau is originally from China, and his accent (as far as I know?) has never been remarked upon in the manga. We also know nothing about his background except that he rose quickly and at a young age to be head of Quin-Bang. I would assume that he speaks English very well, and the only hint at his origin that I’m aware of in the Japanese is the kanji (character) for the pronoun “I” he uses, though he doesn’t pronounce it as it’s normally done in Japanese nor does he with a Chinese pronunciation. I would take this to mean he probably has little if any hint of a Chinese accent when he speaks English, and since he keeps company with nobles and was able to pass as a doctor, he likely speaks in a high-class accent.

I hope that satisfied, anon. This was a fun and different ask. I apologize I didn’t publish it sooner.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Nico Robin from One Piece the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Robin-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot on the right of Nico Robin where she is thinking about cats. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"she's sooo autistic coded, she has a special interest for archeology and world history, and is very scholarly. robin is the most quiet and reserved character in the cast- clearly having trouble connecting to others and reading the room, as she even makes dark comments about situations that frighten her friends (like "oh i hope that we don't die horribly right now") but she's actually just really silly- like she enjoys ugly-cute things and thinks about silly cats."

"She like me for real"

"She got a PhD at age 8 and then the government made her special interest illegal. She is very emotional but usually has a blank affect. She says concerning stuff only she understands to show she likes someone. I love her dearly and I'm autistic so she is too"

"She's so wonderful! Her life's mission is to find out the 'True History' of the One Piece world, and she's been fixated on it and archaeology since childhood, making her extremely knowledgeable on the subject. She has a very dark sense of humour that can come across as out of touch to people, and she's very to-the-point when she acts and thinks, but the crew adore her for it :>"

"Highly skilled in dead language, martial arts, and devil fruit application; outside of that she is a bubbly mess of single minded self destruction. So on the whole stoic that it took an overtly treasonous action by her six best friends to get her to express any emotion at the prospect of being executed. Her trauma can make her more subdued on average compared to the other autistic members of the Straw Hat crew, but her experiences shouldn't be invalidated by finding her people."

"idk, just a vibe"

"she literally looks like the autism creature to me"

"OK. OK. FIRST OFF. OSTRACISED BY OG COMMUNITY. SECONDLY. BECAME AN ARCHAEOLOGIST AT AGE 8. THIRDLY. them eyes. Also bc shes hot."

"She has the Autism Stare. Like, a blank expression. Barely emotes. Doesn't talk often. Has a special interest in archaeology, but also most morbid things. Has a morbid fascination with death. Likes to be alone, but doesn't mind being in a group. Less than average empathy, shown by the fact that she doesn't flinch at torturing people in the slightest." End ID.]

[savventeen]

boo seungkwa marriage of convenience

oooooohhhh interesting!!! this isn't an au i think about a lot so i think it'll be hard for me to narrow down what i'd most likely write haha

....i actually sat here for a solid 10 minutes thinking about what i would write for this KSDJFLKSJ (putting it under a readmore bc i ended up writing down 3 different ideas lol)

because a part of me wants to do something along the lines of a classic regency au, marrying for political reasons and learning how to navigate their relationship while essentially being total strangers that were shoved into being business partners who are also married now i guess. they have their individual kingdoms to think about so there would be a lot of emotional angst&hurt/comfort around the concept of "are you showing me the real you right now, or is this the you that you think I need to see in order to keep this marriage together" kind of thing (would have a happy ending where they do actually get to know each other and blah blah blah happily ever after)

and another part of me wants to do something Angsty like having reader agree to marry Seungkwan bc he needs a visa and you guys have been friends for forever, so of course you'd do this for him, except you forget to mention the fact that you've been in love with him for years now and the wedding and honeymoon is a whole new level of torture for you bc you know he doesn't actually love you like that, he really does see you as his best friend and nothing more (and for the ANGSTY angst, you also get to watch as seungkwan falls in love with someone else) ((maybe this would end there, maybe this would actually end up being polyfic with a happy ending who knows??? certainly not me))

and then there's also a part of me that wants fucking Nonsense. like, the group is in Vegas for their annual get-together (since they've spread all over by this point) and Shenanigans ensue and for some reason or another (maybe to win a bet?? to try and win some kind of scavenger hunt??? idk) reader and Seungkwan decide the best way to solve their problems would be to just. Get Married. so they do, and they rub their winnings in everyone's faces ('did you guys literally get married just so you could win a game' 'sorry, i don't talk to losers' *reader and sk high five*) and afterwards they just... stay married. at first just because they think it's funny and then because getting a divorce would be too much effort and also the tax benefits??? hell yeah they're staying married. and then after that it would turn into a f2l where they both actually fall in love and then want to get married For Real ("YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN" "that was to win a game, this is to win seungkwan's HEART" "babe..." "i literally can't stand you two holy shit") and they end up just doing a little ceremony in someone's backyard, you know. for convenience :)

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[fearowkenya]

ff7 digimon AU - yuffie's impmon

i really like it when digimon's appearances are slightly altered so they can be matchies with their partner!! more commentary under readmore

yuffie's impmon - she/her- crest of sincerity

i think impmon is a good choice for yuffie because it's got Silly Little Guy energy while also being sneaky and mischievous. this impmon in particular would pick up a lot of design cues from yuffie after they become partners: the smiley face marking is engraved onto the headband that replaces the red bandanna, and i added some shuriken-looking spikes that she can launch from her tail (they regrow fairly quickly!)

i also thought it could be fun if i gave her some racoon/tanuki traits, like weird little paws and the face-mask markings (raccoon back feet are a nightmare to draw btw). its always been really unclear to me if the situation going on on impmon's head is supposed to be horns or ears, so i chose ears because i think it's cuter. im not sure if im going to keep the leaf marking on the forehead white - i wanna try making it green or reddish purple but i feel like it wont look quite right. we'll find out next time i guess!

in terms of personality, impmon is starkly different from yuffie from an outsider's perspective - even though she's also a materia-obsessed little thief who enjoys a good Scheme, she is quiet and shy, mostly staying in the shadows and out of the way. that said, for all the timid behavior, impmon can be very angry and spiteful: she is highly mistrustful and unforgiving, prone to silently holding a grudge for an indefinite amount of time. she hates liars, but "yuffie doesnt count 'cause she sucks at lying and i can always tell".

even though impmon knows when yuffie is hiding something, any attempt to get her to talk about whats bothering her ends with yuffie just digging in her heels and refusing to budge. this is probably due to how recent their partnership is - i think they met shortly before yuffie got to junon, so impmon has no idea who sonon is or what happened in midgar. because of that, their teamwork is very inconsistent and wholly dependent on yuffie's mood - as long as sensitive subjects are avoided, impmon finds yuffie easy to be around. in fact, yuffie's impulsiveness is fun and even sort of refreshing, and it brings out a sillier, bolder, and much more outwardly confident impmon. but when yuffie is acting recklessly as a result of being in a bad state of mind, impmon freezes up and shrinks back, unsure of what to do or how to help her.

i have the exact circumstances of yuffie and impmon's first encounter mostly worked out but i dont want this post to be like six miles long so i'll stop here. might as well drop this in the main tags, though idk what to tag this as bc like. yuffie isnt really in this post ?? fuck it we ball i guess

[shaanks]

2-24 even for Shanks 💕

Oh my goodness, thank you bby!! Y'all are gonna hear about Shanks today lmfao. Most of this is gonna be under a readmore bc I've never been able to be succinct but here we goooooo!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I love how careful he is about when and how he flexes all that power he has. It was meant to be very on the nose when we were introduced to him via Luffy in the very beginning of the series, but like. His little episode on Whitebeard's ship seemed like he had conqueror's haki out of control, but it was a very purposeful flex, if for nothing else than to show that he took approaching another Yonko seriously. Or the way he chose to handle Greenbull at the end of Wano. Sure it was hard to the new folks on his crew to handle exposure so suddenly, but he sent that like 50 miles out from the ship and hit that jerk in the heart with it. And never even raised his voice about it. Idk I think his restraint and how it manifests is a really interesting part of his characterization.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

it's probably on my mind bc of Bernard Hill's recent passing, but I think Shanks would do so well and have a grand old time being elusive and mysterious in Lord of the Rings lmfao. He's got that Aragorn quality of could be in his 20s could be in his 40s who knows, he and Gandalf would probably get a kick out of each other, he'd fucking love the hobbits I am telling you this. (he also, I am very afraid, has that Aragorn quality of 'doomed by the narrative just not quite yet,' but we'll see.)

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

this is hard, I think he's a much more complex and interesting person than I am for the most part, but like. I think it's safe to say he'd mostly rather diffuse a situation than have it become serious when the latter is avoidable, and I am that way too. If the situation is already serious and requires a throw down response that's a different matter, but if we can avoid a serious fight in favor of a little tussle and some drinks, that'd be the way he'd go, and I agree.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

take this one with a grain of salt bc I mostly try not to yuck anyone's yum or argue about differing headcanons, but I really do not fucking like the like. scumbag/villain!Shanks thing that seems to have a semi-popular following. some of that is personal bias, as I think he is a warm, good person who is doing his best, but it also kind of feels like a betrayal of the narrative for him. which I realize is funny coming from the "everything is made up including the source material" guy but here we are. there was a period a few months ago where people were basically just writing him as OP Toji and it made me want to pull all my hair out.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

absolutely, I adore him, I think he's right about a lot of things, our ethics tend to line up where it matters, I think he's funny and would be fun to be around, he listens well and is a warm and compassionate person. I really like him and we'd get along really well I think. (mostly probably through the lens of my OC bc I'm not like. terribly convinced of my actual in person IRL likeability but in theory, absolutely yes.)

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I've written about it a little before, but I think the reason he let Buggy go without telling him what Roger talked to him about after the execution wasn't because he didn't want Buggy with him anymore or didn't believe he had what it took to complete that mission, but so that Buggy would have a chance to forge his own way and have his own life. Doing what Roger asked necessitated Shanks--who was widely regarded as having the potential to be the next big legend--to drop out of the running almost entirely. He picked up his crew, he made a name for himself, he became the youngest person (at the time) to gain the title of Yonko, but he also spent a decent amount of time having to like. Lay low on beaches and dick around in the East Blue and play balance keeper and chess master until the man Roger was waiting for appeared. There are more spoilery additions to this that I'll leave out for now but yeah. I think he knew Buggy had all that same potential, and wanted to give him an opportunity to strike out on his own adventure without living in that shadow or carrying their mentor's ghost around.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

oh take this one with a grain of salt too idk that I know any of the terms correctly lmfao but he's very like. when I picture boho in my mind that seems very him. a lot of linens a lot of light flowy breathable clothes. It's pirate!Boho obviously but like. The man is out there wearing birkenstocks as we speak js.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

same standard issue disclaimer as the fandom stuff I don't like, this isn't to yuck anyone's yum, follow your bliss what people ship isn't my business, these are just the ones I personally do not like. shankslu is at the forefront, but I don't really do shanksbenn either?? a LOT of captains and first mates in this series read that way to me but those two don't for me.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I actually really enjoy his dynamic with Marco. There are some interesting pieces of shared history there but overall the like. Friendly ribbing, amiable hanging out and willingness to cooperate between two of my faves is always very nice to see. c:

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

oh please I think he'd think Sabo was a ton of fun. I know there's an age difference there that makes peership a little different than between the other mid-40s dudes he usually hangs out with, but think about it. Two very powerful people who are carrying the weight of part of this new era on their shoulders, who have a habit of just sort of fucking off out of the narrative and doing things as they please within their own personal parameters, who will just get up and obliterate a guy when that's what the situation calls for? Funny, weird, intelligent guys that love Luffy, believe in him, and want whats best for him? Even if they weren't besties, I think there's a lot of fun overlap for general friendship there.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

something I like: when people recognize that all that soft puppy silly goofy guy exterior, while sincerely part of him, is something that he makes the decision to externalize every day, and is sat atop a deep well of like. sadness and responsibility. there are a lot of people doing a very good job making him a romantic dopey nightmare man without sacrificing that silliness or his intelligence and sense of personal responsibility.

something I don't like: when people start a fic with the disclaimer "Shanks is in here but I hate him lol so he's a lil ooc 🤭🤪" and then he's like. not only ooc but just someone's ex boyfriend or doflamingo or just off-screen doing heinous shit for no reason. Writing a character you hate: can be fun and compelling! I fucking hate Doflamingo, for example, but as a narrative device, as a villain? bar none one of the best and most interesting. Writing a character you hate with the intention of doing a shit job because you hate them? dumb, annoying, and a waste of everyone's time. why include someone you don't want to write about lmfao just pick a different character and be done.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

i'm drawing a blank, I'm going to be real with you. Like, I can think of a ton of mentor characters, but they don't really remind me of him. I can think of a bunch of like. guardian of the new era characters, that still don't super remind me of him. I think again i've got LOTR on the brain rn but the like. Fellowship of the Ring Aragorn is the closest I'm coming up with and even that's mostly in terms of like. the gentle mentorship of the hobbits, the offbeat sense of humor, and that dedication to a responsibility that he might have been scared to face. IDK. Shanks is a pretty unique guy to me. I'm sure I'm gonna sit bolt upright at 3 AM with a list of 20 people that fit the bill but rn it simply isn't clicking lmfao.

And there we have it!!! My (mostly) comprehensive analysis of Shanks, for you my dear friend. Thank you so much for asking!!!

[aphel1on]

i gotta change my icon to fuckin. xue yang or smth so ppl stop going "nice icon op" "icon checks out" etc etc on my "characters who became villains out of empathy" post.....

STOPPP that was not about him!!! his problem is not empathy. his problem is grief and devotion and attachment and unhealthy selflessness but it's NOT empathy. tbh i think he had low empathy even before he spent centuries losing his mind and getting nibbled on in the dungeon. he doesn't understand others well and others don't understand him well and he was already a little hater back to his jester days (Citation: That one extra where freinag lightly scolds him for offending people in court and having no sense of humor.) Yes he was much more soft and sweet and gentle back then but the lions' share of it (hahahahahhahh.heh) was still reserved for the melinis and the melinis only. Yes he defended the whole kingdom and all its people but that was SPECIFICALLY FOR DELGAL... to please delgal... bc delgal asked him to.......

also the ppl who keep tagging anakin skywalker oh my god i swear im going to have to turn notifs off. ANAKIN?? EMPATHY????? i will preface that by saying i love that little bitch but empathy is the furthest fucking thing from being his problem. actually, much like thistle it's grief and devotion and overattachment that leads to his fall.

like idk maybe this is just another tumblr reading comprehension problem. empathy =/= caring about people. you can care abt people soooooo much while still not taking on their emotions as your own, not feeling what they feel, and in general catastrophically failing to understand them. you can take incredibly selfish actions out of love and the fear of losing others. and this is another kind of villain arc and it's incredibly delicious also but NO it has nothing to do with empathy.

actually i think specifically being in online autism circles where we discuss the definition of empathy and the difference between empathy and compassion and talk about having low empathy and how it doesn't make you a bad person - predisposes me to be more annoyed than is really reasonable to slightly incorrect interpretations of that post lol. like not everyone has all that context to me Specifically Deploying The Word Empathy.

basically i know it's not that serious which is why i'm doing this whining under a readmore and not on the post or anything. really i should just turn notifs off on it bc honestly once it's escaped containment ppl can interpret it however they want and i know its not my job or right to police it.......

however so far the equal and opposing serotonin i get from ppl going "getou-- OMG IT WAS LITERALLY ABOUT GETOU" has prevented me from turning them off. yes. suguwu<3

("why don't you just make him your icon then" OK WELL........ that's a whole other post of pointless tangled brain threads. i love him but for esoteric reasons i dont.wanna)

[5-htagonist]

god damn im so happy rn... ill stick it under a readmore bc its about food and my appetite idk if it would be triggering also this turned into more of a diary entry than anything lol My Blog My Rules though

i made curry last night and im really happy because ive been having a lot of trouble eating and Making myself eat, on top of being really erally really broke so we havent had much food in the house thats just Ready To Go consistently.. like, we always have oats, but we dont always have milk, and i cant eat them with water.. or we have ham but we run out of bread, or all i want are fruits and leafs but we cant really keep anything except apples/oranges/grapes because they dont go bad before we finish them, or bananas cause they arent really ruined if theyre overripe you just throw them in the freezer. so we cant get salad materials.

if i try to just shove calories in my body and i dont like it i wont finish it. like i will feel full until i stop trying to make myself eat it. and this isnt even just when adderall affects my appetite.

then, on top of all that, i know if i eat i have to do dishes. my husband usually does them, but hes been going through a really bad time for the past couple months too, plus we only moved out july 2023, and before that his mom had been Divorced outta the house earlier that year iirc plus id been living there since july 2022, so his brain and nervous system has felt safe enough for the ptsd recovery stage for nearly 2 years. and he gets hit really hard with seasonal depression, and he has adhd too. he typically does dishes, i typically do laundry. the problem is its easier to wear the same clothes for a few days, or rewear laundry that isnt rancid, or wear ill fitting clothes that have been shoved to the back of the dresser, but its hard to wash a dish when the sink is full and the kitchen is overwhelming.

so, to avoid having dirty dishes, i wont eat. whats worse, is i was insanely stressed over school for like 3 weeks. all the stress i should have had this semester hit me really bad all at once. when im that stressed, i cant think about anything relevant to maintaining myself-- especially not maintaining neutral-positive self talk and constructive self esteem. which means i shut down if anyone needs anything from me real or imagined. which means i cant be there for my husband and make sure he eats and check in on him. so all this stupid shit just feeds into itself. ive had more s/h urges than ive had in years i think, and not even in response to anything extrinsic.

my goofy ass got drunker than i usually do super quick the other night, it wasmy husbands birthday party. i cleaned up the apartment super nice since mostly my stuff was strewn everywhere and did the dishes. i didnt eat all day and i think i had like, one inadequate meal the day before. so i was exhausted after cleaning, our roommate ordered pizza and i ate and passed out for 3 hour nap. by the time i got up everyone was already at Least buzzed. my brother in law got a mom call and my husband (drunk) was like Hey. Give me the Phone.. tell her i wanna talk... because she LOVES being upset that her kids are having a good time and feels the need for Hour Phone Call when and where she wants it, and my BIL is an adult but they dont treat him like one, so hes still really deep in feeling trapped in these trauma responses.

this i think is what really got me, other than not being on my full dose of adderall so my emotional abilities were compromised lmao. i was tryingto tell my husband i love him, because i was leaving to weed store, and he was getting triggered while drunk, so he was annoyed i was interrupting the call and i didnt get my byebyehugnkiss. not to mention they were being really loud earlier. so now i feel bad. i get back immediately down 2 shots (3 shots is where i am Comfortably Drunk) and share a j actually post cancelled kendrick just dropped. the point was that i got too drunk and started hitting myself on the head and crying in the kitchen floor lol but who cares about that KENDRIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[mesanthropi]

hihihi moots as svt memes go!

i feel like i know you from somewhere, anon 👁️👁️ but i have a shit ton of those so LET'S GO. I'M DOING THIS FOR ALL MY MUTUALS (memes under the readmore)

@wheeboo still can't believe we're moots. anyway, i literally just clicked on this one solely for the captions, but i guess i just gravitated to seungkwan naturally. we're all shocked by capitalism, but ate rani would be the most shocked by it. (she'd hate gas prices here in the ph)

@weird-bookworm these are all gonna be gose pictures, huh? /j this was literally her with me earlier this afternoon. like i was all "should i let the intrusive thoughts win", she came into the replies, then on discord HAHAHAHAH im so sorry you have to deal with my nonsense, but i am stuck with you like oxygen to blood cells.

@3ninth ok not a kpop mutual, but i don't have many mutuals so ya'll are here now no matter what fandom you come from 👉👉 homie is my fellow discord mod. miss her sm fr, hopefully she's back when the owner pops back in from school activities!! if you see this, paula, hope ur having a great time. if not, tell us who we need to beat up

@fairyhaos ATE YENAAAA <33 ok so as an alternative, there's [this], but! primarily, she's giving. this specific mingyu pic. this was defo them during the shua dating rumors and i don't blame her, BUT ALSO. I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ALSO A THING WHENEVER AN ILLEGAL REQ POPS INTO THE ASK BOX. WHEN ARE WE GETTINBG AN UPDATE ON THE COUNT /JJJ

@kyeomyun she's the homie frfr actually. jadaders would tbh go "that's unfortunate" with the biggest smile on her face if there's any minor inconvenience that happens to either you or her. it's either in a way where girlie is fr amused by your misfortune, or this is a call for help. she's going thru it @ school so hopefully she gets a break soon ^^

@i-luvsang just for you, i'm getting an atz meme (and also bc its their 5th debut anniv <3). feel like marimoon would get the nearest stuffed animal in a shop, call for me, and do this with the blankest face they can manage. i'd lose my mind ofc i laugh at everything but especially shit like this. it's deadpan humor, i swear

@hannyoontify KIKIEEEEEEE <333 DO YOU LOVE ME /LYR /J anyway, kie!! my homie kie, we miss you here at residencia misantropia. moving on, we have this lovely jeonghan screenshot from a knowing bros episode. feel like this is their mood sometimes. hopefully you're taking care of yourself, man! when you come back, we're here with open arms fr ong!!

@joshuahonggf JIAAAA we don't talk much but i adore her sm. [img text's rough tr: i know you're getting nervous about tomorrow, sis] we'd probably be the type of homies who'd spam e/o on discord about a project we're grouped up in. or an exam. or a performance, one or the other. but we end up doing great anyway B))) we're cool like that

@haowrld HI PRE 👉👉👉 abnother filo buddy of mine hehehe. wishing u luck on ur fic btw! i assign to you this woozi screenshot. because sometimes, we get those moments of having zero thoughts in our head. this is also at every writer ever, we're good at imnagining shit but actually writing it is either the hardest thing ever or it comes naturally. goodluckies!!

@wqnwoos HANA WHO CAME BACK BECAUSE ANON CALLED THEM POOKIE 👉👉👉 /jjj but seriously, hana was one of the ppl i first followed after i discovered svt fics on tumblr. she's one of the firsy writer si followed!! but considerinh the fact that she used my iwn salt shaker threat against me, this is what they'd send me i think. idk. its lke 1:21 am im getting sillier with these

@mach1nat1on YOU. ASSHOLE. TRAUMATIZER. IMN GIVING YOU THIS BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I FEEL SOMETIMES WHENEVER YOU DO SOME SHIY IN THE PRIVATE SERVER. YOU HURT MY BBGS YOU HURT ME!! DID YOU KNOW THAT!?!?!??! NOW YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW 🗣️🗣️ but i also love u dw i forgive u everytime and i support your righst and your wromgs. just know that we are forever in a love/hate relationship

@lumasahina im gonna sc this and send this to our priv server but!! hey dude <3 traumatizer numero uno right beside mac and holls. this is you wnheever i manage to put lore into my silly little writings and my silly little characters. and for the record, just so you know, i feel the same way sometimes. i love how you do lore tho! it's always so well-done n they flow well hehe

@holland (not @ing for other reasons) my HOMIE OF ALL HOPMIES, MY POOKIECAKES MY POOKUMS SNOOKUMS <3 sorry abt that those were rge demons. the voices. anyway! here's your assigned meme. skz just for you. i'd take pics of you like this. those 0.5 angles on iphone, then use them as reaction pics or emojis in our server. but i would also cherish these pictures bc they're you and you r my resident "across the world homie for years". stay safe, drink water, and i hope to finish ur req soon aughhhh

holy shit its like 1:53am now wtf

[theoldsecretkeeper]

tbh since its this blog first munday imma ramble like a mf. Because..idk i wanna make it special!

history on marg and a "thank you" message under readmore! its long bc i love to ramble lol!

I am very, very glad people like Margarita!! She is one of my oldest OCs that i still have and draw!! She is the main reason why i even made a tumblr in the first reason! I was innn a pretty shitty spot and pizza tower just came out a little bit ago and i remembered i wanted to make margarita into a delivery guy because i thought i was going to be the first lmao!

She was legit, just a self insert for me to ship with peppino legit that all she was. (She even had the mole on my neck lmao) I never even thought about anything. i just drew margarita and peppino constantly for days and days because.. well it was comfort to distract myself from a dark time yk?

My friend was the reason he made me think more on the tower and actually made me think "wait.. she can be a old worker of pizzahead!!" So me and my friend went to rambling about more lore about it and decided she would have been a errand boy who just ran off since she didnt like him or anyone else and befriended peppino!

The only major thing different was my friends oc (the other one in the pic!) was the reason her face was fucked up!! And its still canon out of this blog! (also that she was just a plain old humannnn)

Idk how the hell i got the idea to add secrets into her lore i really dont. I just remember my friend made a secret eye humanoid and they had biblical angel vibes and bam! she was friends with a secret eye and was a angel! because i have the hc of eyes being angels for some reason.. ofc its not canon here dw but its still a major hc of mine! and i wrnt to a discord server that i really liked and got into anton blast for a minute before just.. slowly dropping out of it.

Margarita was now put on the shelf and i didnt.. felt motivated for her. Which was fair i drew her for like... a bunch of months.

and thennn.. well i decided to add her on the blog @/deliveringspookzandtreatz !! and the rest is pretty much history! im like..really glad a bunch of yall like her and made me think of a WAYYYY better backstory for her, made her way more interesting and made me back in my pizza tower hyperfixation again!!!

and im glad like.. yall are very cool and chill with this rookie. Like. I am still surprised people like my writing or like..anything i do with my rp blogs. Like i been made fun of a bunch, been treated like. utter shit from other people and made me scared to talk to ANYONE or post anything. So it just. really means alot how much yall fucking rock.

Yall are awesome and epic and just nice and respectful and dont treat me like shit its just really nice and a breath of fresh air. I can actually see how yall can roleplay for years and years because of all the nice people and the rp partners!! i just hfjd thank yall very much.

I ramble about this shit wayyy too much but good lord. i just. Words are never going to be enough about how thankful i am./gen