#under a summer sky in january

[neptunehenriksen]

Looking for a last-minute gift? Or something to keep you occupied during the break? Well I, a sane and stable person, have something for you!

PAPERBACK BUNDLE | EBOOK BUNDLE | MY WEBSITE

[fandom]

Memes

At a certain point, it was just hard to keep up. They seemed to fall from the sky like fizzing raindrops, soaking everything in pure wildness—memes, that is. 2022 had an absolute bumper crop of memes. The fertile field of this year’s chaos was sown freely, resulting in some impressively widespread phenomena. Most of it remained pretty contained within the dashboard, but at the end of the year the biggest meme of them all broke containment…We’re getting ahead of ourselves here. 

Cast your mind back to January 2022. We kicked off the year with Horse Plinko, which soon joined forces with Eeby Deeby in a frenzy of flaming gifs in which the poor horse plinko’d its way to Super Hell. Nothing has ever summed up the mildly deranged meme generation process on Tumblr so perfectly. 

This era of memes merged smoothly with the Month of Blorbo. Can you believe blorbo from my shows is more or less purely a 2022 phenomenon? Granted, the original post happened in late 2021, but it was the new year by the time “blorbo” secured itself in our vocabulary. How did we even live our lives on Tumblr without the word “blorbo”? It’s impossible to even imagine at this point. 

Springtime dawned with the rise of Live Slug Reaction, which dominated the dashboard as everyone rushed to plop that shocked slug in the corner of their favorite gay moments from TV and film. And in May came a very important event that would define the rest of the year on Tumblr: the launch of Dracula Daily, Affectionately dubbed “tumblr book club,” the serialized email newsletter found a hugely involved following on Tumblr and spawned an infinite variety of memes, beginning with the iconic paprika recipes. 

The Summer of Morbius dominated Tumblr from June onwards, with everyone going bonkers with Morb-based puns, jokes about the film’s most ridiculous moments, and reblogging a single GIF somehow containing the entire movie that would crash your browser when it played on your dash..

The i love you x i love you y text post meme saw us to the end of the summer, and autumn came with the rise of the GOUGER. Or is it GOUGAR? Regardless, the strange but harmless creature took over everyone’s meme palette for a while, getting involved in increasingly silly scenarios. 

This free-for-all was interrupted by the death of Queen Elizabeth, an event that was solemn everywhere else. . But on Tumblr, of course, users swamped the dashboard with Queen Liz-related memes and commentary. And crabs. There were quite a lot of those.

Later, in September, the Try Guys saga unfolding on Twitter and YouTube filtered over to Tumblr in the form of the “lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship” meme, with Tumblr users casting various favorite co-worker ships in the roles of the controversial real-life pairing. 

And finally, closing out the year, the meme you’ve all been waiting for: the one and only Goncharov (1973). Just in case you’ve been living under a rock, Goncharov is a movie borne out of the magic combination of a misprinted shoe label and Tumblr’s fertile imagination. Thanks to a fake movie poster by user @beelzeebub, which gave names and faces to the characters, Tumblr ran absolutely wild, churning out analysis, fanart, and even fanfiction at an astounding rate. This was by far the meme to win 2022: it gained coverage all over the internet, including the freaking New York Times, and even Scorsese himself acknowledged it. You did that, Tumblr. Goncharov forever, all hail the power of the Tumblr meme!

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Hello! I’d love to read your vision of the LoD boys x MC in high school. (High school to adults, just high school, childhood. Anything!) Alllll the cliches appreciated, haha.

Coming-of-Age HC's with the LADS Guys

pairing: fem!reader x Zayne, fem!reader x Xavier, fem!reader x Rafayel

content: fluff, alternate universe (kinda)

Childhood with Zayne is filled with increasingly hot summers and snowy winters. It’s memories of an extroverted young girl dragging along her much more introverted best friend (well, Caleb’s friend first) to make popsicles under the blaze of the June sun and snowmen in the cold of January. In the same way snow melts with the coming of spring, you chip his shell away, making a friendship that’s stronger than any of your lifetimes.

Those years with Zayne are like a pleasant dream, soft and gentle, like his hand when he wipes away the tears from your cheeks whenever you fall or when he places a band-aid on one of the many injuries prone to an adventurous spirit.

Middle School with Zayne is when you first feel fragility in your friendship. You’re realizing you might be growing in different directions.

Zayne is intelligent, often getting attention for his grades and participating in scholars tournaments while you’re busy with your own hobbies and friends that come with them.

There’s hope your friendship will persevere each time you walk home together, each time he lets you share his umbrella on heavy rainy days, and each day he saves to spend with you.

High school with Zayne is confusing. Growing into adulthood is an exciting and nervous situation for anyone but even more-so when everyone but you seem to realize that you have feelings for your childhood friend.

Your grandma is constantly reminding you how smart and handsome Zayne has become. He’s going to study to be a doctor, you know! Maybe you should ask him to prom?

Caleb complains about how Zayne usually takes your side in arguments and does what you want all the time. He frequently teases you every time you sigh over the older boy. Isn’t getting a crush on your older brother’s friend too obvious?

They’re right though, and it’s awkward. What’s more awkward is the stolen kiss with Zayne in the new car his parents got him when he first got his license. You don’t talk about it even after he goes to college.

Meeting Zayne as an adult is nostalgic yet new as you learn about each other again. The trust you had in each other never truly left.

With each trinket, you realize he’s still the same Zayne, quiet and stern on the outside but with a patient and gentle center. However, his smart mouth still rears its head as frequently as it did back in high school.

You watch out for him more as an adult, because you see that he isn’t actually good at caring for himself despite all his intelligence. You make it so he can rely on you to get through the past days and future ones.

You try new things together. You adapt to how your views of the world differ so you can mold those differences together, creating one shared experience in the life you build with one another.

Childhood with Xavier is innocent. Being born on Philos is like being born in a fantasy book. Your world is sword training and ceremony rehearsals, your feet always chasing after the decorated knights and lightseekers before they board their spaceships. In your mind, the world is as limitless as the starry sky promised just beyond its surface.

Xavier is the same way. He says he likes sword training because it’s the only thing he’s good at. Truthfully, he loves that sword, carries it around with him everywhere like a third arm, and you love training with your new fellow student.

As you get older, things start to change for reasons you don’t really understand. The loss of innocence is slow, dragging out like the death of a star. It starts when silly days sword practicing becomes military drills. Then, Xavier’s ceremony rehearsals become real with each trial he has to overcome. It culminates when you find out that he will probably be betrothed one day against his will, which manifests into doubt that you would ever be on the list for a prince to marry.

Military Academy with Xavier offers a surprising amount of freedom as you discover yourself away from the watchful eyes of the royal family. It’s reintroducing him to your favorite snacks and music and sneaking out of the barracks to watch the stars and anything else he couldn’t do under the iron grip of his family.

There’s also many nights helping him study and focus so he can become the best version of himself because he still has rebellious tendencies after all these years.

These tendencies lead you to covering for him and also him talking you into one too many bad ideas. Ideas that leave you carrying one another home on stumbling legs after too many rounds with random wanderers or rounds with liquor way stronger than you know how to deal with.

It’s okay. You have each other to keep the other safe, so attached at the hip that Jeremiah always wonders where the other one is whenever he catches the two of you apart.

His light shines only for you. If you asked, he would give anything to make sure you’re happy: his time, his freedom, his life.

The jealousy and longing to be with you grates against the cage his title keeps around him whenever he sees someone else who has seen your light and fallen in love with you too. It’s written love letters, never signed, but left in your locker, the ones that smell like forget-me-nots and written in a prose that Xavier hopes you won’t recognize as his when he sees you fawning over the little notes.

Your looming graduation reignites the worries about your relationship. You have to come to terms with your respective role as a knight and Xavier as King. Xavier feels the same way.

Yet this part of your life quickly becomes filled with sweet nothings – promises to run away together, carried on his wishes to be with you for the rest of immortality, all wrapped in the little star charm carried on his sword. It makes you realize your feelings were requited all along.

Adulthood with Xavier fills like achieved dreams and nights you never want to end. It’s basking in the company of one another, adorned with kisses and released longing that couldn’t be given years prior.

It’s becoming more than just his guiding starlight but his entire galaxy, and he shows it with each kiss he gives you.

Childhood with Rafayel feels like you’re dreaming. Mermaids aren’t supposed to exist but there’s one right in front of you.

You learn so many things from him. He loves talking about almost anything from his culture to your culture. He loves art, the sunset, and music.

You bring him lots of things from land that you think he would like, spending long days at the beach trading items with him and showing him human toys. It becomes normal to strike out early every weekend to meet the Lemurian boy again and again.

He braids Lemurian ribbons and clips seashell accessories into your hair. He teaches you Lemurian lullabies and sayings. He often gets in trouble for accidentally gifting you family heirlooms without realizing the weight of said items. He just thought it was pretty. Even if he got in trouble, it was worth it to see you smile.

Your time together eventually develops into trying to think of ideas to explore further from the beach. You train to hold your breath a little longer with hopes of making it further into the sea than last time.

Your first kiss is because of the legend that Lemurian kisses can let one breathe underwater. It wasn’t really a big deal back then. However, the memory of it makes your face hot many years later when you think back on it.

The end of summer marks the slowdown of your free time together. It always ends with a pinky promise to spend your next free day with him.

Your 8th grade year with Rafayel is a collage of photos and videos filled with cawing seagulls, the serenade of his harmonica, and the first time your feet were able to touch the surface of the water. Rafayel always seems to want to show off his new powers as the next God of the Sea.

He’s still a child though, which means he is still insistent to sneak to school with you to see what human classes are like. He still talks too smartly to the other students, and you still have to talk him out of a fight with one of the other boys.

It’s an exhausting day but he seemed to have fun running around town with you, saving the day in the strip of pictures printed out from the photo booth and the memory of his first surface world sunset.

Your later teenage years offer even less time together but each time you visit him feels more meaningful than the last even though you can’t go further than the crackle of a bonfire at the edge of the beach. You’re happy with these late nights though because you love the boy from another world.

No matter how many years pass, he’ll always be the boy who gets shy and makes excuse after excuse to avoid singing for you despite being born a siren. He’s the boy who constantly complains about his classmates being idiots for saying you’re going to steal his blood and make him into oil and how they tease him for being friends with a human. He refuses to tell you that it’s more because of his crush on a human. Despite all that, he has no issue dropping hint after hint about how Lemurians can bond with others by giving one of their scales.

Years later, it still makes a lovely necklace to wear when he finally makes his choice to be on land, with you, his beloved bride.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate // My broken bones are mending with all these nights we're spending up on the roof with a school girl crush, drinking beer out of plastic cups // And darling you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis // I'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk // I'm laughing with my lover, making forts under covers // There's glitter on the floor after the party, girls carryin' their shoes down in the lobby, candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor, you and me forevermore // Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet, now I've read all of the books beside your bed // We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January and this is our place, we make the rules / We could let our friends crash in the living room, this is our place, we make the call // We bless the rains on Cornelia Street, memorize the creaks in the floor / You hold my hand on the street, walk me back to that apartment, years ago we were just inside; Barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion // Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew, twenty questions, we tell the truth / Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend, it’s nice to have a friend // And he feels like home // Outside they’re pushing and shoving, you're in the kitchen humming, all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing // You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking to a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there // Remember looking at this room? We loved it ‘cause of the light, now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time // I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath

TS + home

[couldsewyouastitchandsavenine]

Resolution — Frankie "Catfish" Morales x reader

inspired by the song Resolution by Matt Corby. tell me what you think and requests and suggestions are appreciated.

word count: under 1K

Frankie Morales doesn’t buy into New Year’s resolutions.

They strike him as futile, and frankly, he doesn’t bother with them. And while the world outside is turning into a chaos of flimsy promises, doomed to be broken before the month’s end, January 1st finds Frankie where most days do—in the corner of his favourite coffee haunt, nursing a black brew that mirrors his mood. 

And as always, he sits alone and still. Observing. Reflecting, sometimes maybe. Bust mostly, just being.

But then, the routine shatters. Subtly, beautifully. In the flicker of change that slips through the staff-only door wearing an apron that’s tied haphazardly around the waist.

Small in stature but immense in spirit, the newcomer draws Frankie’s attention, compelling him to steal a glance. And then another, and one more. And when your eyes eventually catch (though yours shy away while his linger) Frankie finds a small but genuine ray of light breaking through the gloom of his sky.

Your first exchanges are brief. You stutter greetings and he meets them with his quiet acknowledgments as you take his orders. Your hands, unsteady and unpracticed, flutter in a dance of clumsiness—a stark contrast to the precision and discipline that govern Frankie’s world.

And each time, two hearts quicken and skip over their beats, though carefully concealed—camouflaged within Etta James’ soft crooning in the background, the hiss of the coffee machine, or the gentle hum of conversations happening around you.

So, the days blend into weeks and weeks into months, the first trees blossom and so do your interactions. You’re still dropping cups and mixing up orders, but you also learn how to brew a pretty damn fine espresso. Frankie, for his part, ventures from the solitude of his corner to the vibrant life at the counter, his time now measured by crossword puzzles and quick, stolen glances in your direction.

One day, as you lean across the counter, curiosity piqued by the crossword puzzle Frankie ponders over, you venture, “Need a hand with that?”

A pause, a heartbeat swallowed by time, then his eyes lift from the tangled web of words, meeting yours with a smile.

“Bounty hunter in the Star Wars universe. Eight letters?”

Your response is a momentary pause. Another smile, and then, two words "Boba Fett," as you look towards the door, ready to greet a new customer.

When the streets grow covered with fallen leaves, and the calendar crosses the summer away, it’s no longer just pleasantries and botched acrosses and downs, but coffee refills and slices of leftover pie after hours. It’s giggles, and it's jitters, and shivers. It’s confessions, dreams and pasts. Frankie learns about you through spilled coffee and burnt toast, and you manage to peel back the layers of his tough exterior, discovering a kindred spirit whose scars resonate as deeply as your own.

As the year cycles back to its frost-kissed start, the evening of December 31st finds Frankie where most days used to do—in the corner of his favourite coffee haunt. 

And as always, he sits alone and still. Observing. Reflecting, maybe. Bust mostly, just being. And now, waiting.

Waiting for you to burst from the staff-only door, but only this time, there's no apron cinched around your waist—instead, a worn-out winter coat envelops you, as warm as the smile you wear while you step outside.

Snow blankets the ground, a chill sweeps through the air. People walk by with a festive spring in their step. Fireworks bloom in the distance, their colours reflected in the laughter that fills the night. 

"Never been one for New Year's resolutions," Frankie muses next to you as he looks up at the sky. "Always seemed like a fool's errand."

"And yet, here you are, sounding like someone who’s made one for the new year," you tease, catching the subtle shift in his demeanor.

A smile, slight but sincere, graces his lips. "Yeah, maybe this year is different," he admits, his gaze drifting from the stars to lock with yours, a silent acknowledgment of the shift within him.

"And what's this resolution?"

His hand, though unsteady, reaches out to gently caress your cheek. "Here's a hint: Makes a damn fine espresso. Three letters?"

“Let me guess,” you smile, “it’s you.”

"Yeah," he breathes out, his words barely a whisper as his lips find yours, sealing a moment. A year. A beginning. "It's you."

—

tag: @pedroschka

[dewitty1]

Fic Recs Wrap Up January 2024♡(੭ˊ͈ ꒵ˋ͈)੭*･:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆

The Wake-up Kiss by Justlikewriting

This time, when Harry found himself without a date for the Ministry Yule Ball, Parvati Patil was unable to step in. So, he was left with the only other viable option: to ask Draco Malfoy. Which would be fine, of course: it had been twelve years since the war after all. And they saw each other regularly now, meeting up with the same group of friends almost every Friday night. Harry, however, obviously hadn’t taken into account just how insufferable Zacharias Smith could be. Rec Post

The Binding and the Loosing by TheGoblinMatriarch @thegoblinmatriarch

Draco Malfoy is a reclusive academic who works on layered generational magic under the pseudonym Scholar Griseo. When he is contacted by a ‘James Black’ for help with a tricky situation with a magical House, he can’t help but notice the similarities between his potential client and Harry Potter. Since he can’t exactly refuse to help the Saviour of the magical world, Draco girds his loins and visits Grimmauld Place, where he ends up involved in what he must presume is one of those classic Harry Potter misadventures. Bonding, sentient Houses, domesticity ahoy! Rec Post

A True Entanglement by Booktopus @thebooktopus

One moment, Harry was minding his own business, going about his workday, and the next, he found himself being dragged across the Ministry by a red string that had somehow curled up in a pretty little bow around his wrist. A story of fate, smut, falling in love, and a string named Harold. Rec Post

Fire Meet Gasoline by lettersbyelise @lettersbyelise

When Draco’s anger management issues land him in St Mungo’s, he thinks his Quidditch career is over. But Harry, A&E Healer and notorious workaholic, is faced with a similar predicament. To save their jobs, the two of them decide to fake a relationship. All they have to do is convince their friends and employers… and not fall in love in the process. Simple, right? Rec Post

Everything is Relative to You by honeybeet @thehoneybeet

Potter was supposed to have lived. Draco is certain of this. That Potter would no longer walk the earth was tantamount to the sun moving west to east across the sky. If only he could have stopped this from happening, if he’d have known… It comes to him as ideas often did: too late. Or, Harry dreams of his past lives, and Draco is in every one. Rec Post

we’ll keep the king by BlueSundayCake  @bluesundaycake

On a cold December morning, Remus Lupin shows up on Severus Snape’s doorstep with a child with very familiar eyes. Rec Post

Evitative by Vichan  @k-vichan

In the summer before his fifth year at Hogwarts, Harry is drawn to a room in Grimmauld Place. Like the Gryffindor he is, he enters the room without fear. The room is a library, and Harry is surprised to find that he’s eager to learn.

Then he gets the bad news: he’s been accidentally expelled from Hogwarts, and he needs to be sorted again. Everyone is confident that he’ll go straight back to Gryffindor, but with what he’s been learning, Harry’s not so sure. Rec Post

The White Pawn by Soupy_George @soupy-george

When eighteen-year-old Draco Malfoy finds himself back at Hogwarts on the eve of Voldemort’s infamous return, he is confronted with the most difficult decision he’s ever had to make: Relive the 6th year at school he’s tried so hard to forget, or do the unthinkable and ally himself with Potter’s lot… Rec Post

Howlr by partialtopotter @partialtopotter

Howlr is the new dating application enchanting Witches, Wizards and Everyone in between. Are you looking for the one or a one-night stand; it’s all here folks. Howlr is sponsored by Weasley Wizard Wheezes, the same team that brought us the Spellular just two years ago. Ginny Weasley, famed chaser for the Holyhead Harpies, swears by the app, ‘guaranteed to make sparks fly,’ she says. The magic awaits you! Rec Post

Here are a few more fics I've read recently that y'all might like to check out as well!(ノﾟ∀ﾟ)ノ━☆ﾟ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･.*･｡ﾟ*:・ﾟ✧

Inevitable [Drarry] by violenttulips

After the war, Harry Potter becomes a talented Senior Auror with a penchant for injury in defense of his colleagues. Draco Malfoy leaves the country for five years and becomes an accomplished Specialty Healer. He comes back after he accepts a job at St. Mungo's Hospital. When they meet again, it's clear that Draco has changed significantly in the years since they attended Hogwarts together, and Harry finds himself strangely attracted to his former rival. But things never come easy for the Boy-Who-Lived, and that's not about to change now.

Learn To Fly by Ladderofyears @ladderofyears

January 2004: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter are two of the finest Seekers in England, deadly rivals and secret lovers. As far as Draco is concerned, that's how it'll stay forever. He is betrothed to beautiful heiress Astoria Greengrass, and they are due to have a big summer wedding. Everything changes during a hotly fought Arrows versus Wimbourne game when Draco falls from his broom. To his huge shock, when Draco awakes in St Mungo's, he discovers he is pregnant. What will Draco do, now everything in his tidily compartmentalised life has to change?

He Comes Like a Thunderstorm by korlaena @korlaena

Draco is doing his best to balance the life he wants to live and the life he’s forced to live. He’s nearing the tail-end of a long, post-war probation when Harry Potter crashes back into his life with all the grace of a charging Erumpent, breaking through his carefully constructed rules and routine. Caught up in a whirlwind of sex and lust, Potter unwittingly shows Draco that his life as an Incubus doesn’t have to be as lonely and unfulfilling as he thought, but how long can it last?

Denouement by the_never_was 

Pale face in paler hands, he is devoid of color. He is only the moonlight. And he wonders if he'll find the sun. A story about Draco entering a period of change that will either shatter him or enfold him into Harry Potter's world.

( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡ I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I have! Happy reading, y’all! xoxo Carey  (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*💜💙💚💛❤💗💕💖

[rellsingsovern]

There’s no grounds, Jawbone!

On Wednesday afternoon, three days before spring break, The Bad Kids receive their late report cards and open them together. That Friday, they are marched through a door, expecting death.

The POV of various parents and teacher of The Bad Kids, during the days leading up to the Last Standard Exam.

It was three days before the kids' spring break, and Sandra-lynn was relaxing.

Not attempting to and failing, not half-relaxing and half-stressing, not even mostly relaxing and partially going gray early, actually relaxing.

Her kids are doing so damn good.

Fig is acing her warlock class, and while she doesnt love her daughter's lack of a consistent sleep schedule, she is loving her newfound passion taking shape in the form of paladin studies. Never before had she seen Fig commit herself to any certain area of study (one bard class in three years are you kidding-) but she almost found herself honest to god crying when they came back from Fallinel in January and Sandra-lynn, on her way to mount Baxter in the pale light of winter dawn, beheld her daughter crouched out in the front yard of he manor, praying.

It sure as hell hadn’t looked like praying, Fig crouched out in the snow, laces untied, strands falling out of her braid, a red flannel Sandra-lynn is pretty sure she saw on Kristen yesterday splayed out over her fish-net covered knees, looking for all the world like a bundle of red string in teenage form, all knots and floppy bows and frayed thread. In the almost gray wash of weak January sunlight she’d expected Fig’s red complexion to look more pink, but it was in fact a deeper red even then usual. Like it's summer, a part of her thought before dismissing the notion in favor of asking her daughter what she was doing.

Fig looked up, horns shining much more than they really should have been (7 am january light) and with a click of her fangs gave a toothy smile.

Praying, she said, tapping the frozen ground with a comically tiny stick from where she was crouched. Just really feeling the conviction, y’know?

Her infernal archdevil daughter ran hot as was expected, but the fire under her skin presented itself in the form of pranks involving shoving her hands under Kristen and Adaine’s shirts and her favorite party trick of lighting her cigarettes with her fingertips. Never enough to truly hurt or burn much more than paper. Sandralynn felt the frozen ground under her boots and wondered how it was possible the ground was warm and soft enough under Fig’s boots that she could draw in the dirt with her stick.

She had dropped a kiss on the top of her head with a quick proud of you, glancing between Fig’s horns at the patch of dirt amidst the tufts of grass in the front yard of the manor. Lips warm, cheeks cold, she mounted Baxter as a cloud swept across the pale blue sky, covering the weak sun and casting slight shadow over the image of a flaming horse in the dirt. Fig’s horns did not stop glinting with sunlight.

Now, three months later, the sunlight once again glinted off of Fig’s horns as she burst through the front door, a roar of laughter following her like the roar of fire. Kristen and Adaine stumbled through the door after Fig, clutching each other and giggling like mad. Gorgug stepped through smoothly, holding his crystal up to his ear and talking at a much more reasonable volume. She had been called into work extremely early and so was home at three in the afternoon to see the Hangvan pull into the gravel driveway. Listening to her kids shriek with glee and chatter amongst themselves, Sandra-lynn had half a mind to tell them to keep it down, but her muscles are relaxed and her mug of lavender tea is in her hands and the taste of pride on her tongue is so warm and floral that she can’t bring it to form the words.

Fig waved to her, slinging her bass off her shoulder, a laughing Adaine hanging off her arm. “Hi mom, Riz and Fabian are on their way too.”

“Got it. Hi girls,” She called from her comfy spot on the couch. “Gorgug, nice to see you. Did you guys have a good day?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s been great-”

“It’s been fucking amazing!” Kristen exclaimed. “I got Torek to skate in the hallway and pull a slogan banner behind it and she nearly ran into Buddy, that smug motherfucker-”

“And he was moping around Kettlechip at lunch and she looked pissed at him-” Adaine snickered, “Because he- because he told her-”

Kristen stopped laughing long enough to take a breath, look at Adaine, and slowly raise her staff at the ceiling which sent them both into another fit of laughter.

“It’s been great.” Gorgug continued as if he had never been interrupted. “There’s not a lot more to do before our spring break quest, and we finally got our report cards from last semester.”

Her breath caught in her throat at the mention of the quest. She’s not stupid, she’s known this was coming up along with the springtime flora, the quest looming over her thoughts like the sun that rose earlier and earlier each day. An image flickered across her mind, loosing arrows from the top of impossibly grand stairs, hands that she couldn't control burying arrows in Baxter, in Fig.

Her daughter, who had kicked one shoe off by the door and one halfway off, glanced over at her and abandoned the untying of her laces to move and stand over the side of the couch. Sandra-lynn tried to push the warmth of pride into her smile and the cold chill of fear away from her eyes. Based on the way Fig’s face softened, it didn’t work.

“Don’t worry mom,” Fig said, tossing her crystal onto the couch and hopping up on the arm next to her. “Max told me last night in class his party’s rouge found out the junior year quests are supposed to be really simple this year, like fighting giant snakes in a swamp somewhere. We’ll get the assignment on Saturday and we’ll be done in like, a day and a half, I'm sure.” She suddenly brightened, smiling with a very bardic gleam in her eye. “I can go back to Hell and write my next song!”

“First we should go to Ashgrove though.” Gorgug added, a hand over his crystal speaker, not budging from his spot by the door as a red-faced Kristen careened into his chest, muffling her laughter. “Help Riz with his thing.” He waved the crystal slightly in their direction and she heard Riz's voice muted by whistling wind. On the Hangman with Fabian, no doubt.

“I can’t believe-” Adaine gasped, “He tried to banish you, and failed, and then you- you did it to him, without- without standing up!”

Sandra-lynn sat up straighter. “Kristen, you have got to stop up and casting Banishment on people you don't like-”

“No no no, it was for class, I swear.” Kristen said, raising her head from Gorgug’s hoodie. “The cleric and wizard classes had a surprise practical casting quiz today and I wanted to just go with Adaine but there were more clerics than wizards, and Bobby randomly paired me with Buddy Dawn.”

Fig snorted. “Randomly my ass. That asshole was trying to embarrass you using his grandson.”

“Yeah, duh, but since I'm so awesome it didnt fucking work. And I’m glad he tried because the look on Copperbrittle’s face-”

That asshole, Sandra-lynn thought in vehement agreement. One day she would tell them the whole story. One day when her kids were finally out from under his thumb.

“Besides, Sandra-lynn,” Kristen said as she reached over Gorgug’s shoulders to his backpack, digging around on her tiptoes despite his sputtering. “My grade is up to an A+ right now.”

Sandra-lynn’s heart swelled.

“Which means at graduation I can just cast Banishment on his ass then, and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

“Kristen Applebees.” She chided, but winked at Adaine who had since stopped laughing and was helping Gorgug shrug his backpack off with Kristen’s arms still buried in it. Adaine gave her a wink back with a Message spell. You don't need to worry about my grade.

I never have sweetheart, she messaged back, heart swelling even more, lavender blooming. “Don’t obsess over your enemies too much, even if they are running against Kristen. Gorgug, thanks for taking the girls home. Are we expecting you and Fabian and Riz for dinner tonight? Also, Fig, sweetie, get your boot off the couch.”

The boot went sailing in the general direction of the front door and Gorgug snatched it out of the air before it could hit one of the vases of flowers Jawbone liked to decorate the foyer tables with. “Thanks for the offer, but It’s Roz’s birthday so I’m calling her and Gorbag with my parents tonight and I don’t think Riz and Fabian can stay long, we’re just looking over the report cards together.”

She hummed, taking another sip from her mug as Adaine and Gorgug started arranging shoes in neat pairs by the door and Kristen pulled a dark red, comically thick envelope from Gorgug’s backpack. Augefort released report cards to parties as a whole, and she remembered the excitement of the Bad Kids during the first semester when they had all piled into Adaine’s tower to find out Gorgug, Fig, and Fabian passed their new classes with flying colors. Jawbone and Sandra-lynn had got them Basrars to celebrate.

Fig bumped her head against Sandra-lynn’s, a mirror of that January morning, her daughter the one over her, warmth radiating down on her like sunlight. “Tell Riz and Fabian we’ll be in Kristen’s room.” She said, hopping down from the couch and sliding down the hall on socked feet. “Gorgug, tell Riz to tell Fabian he better have gotten Smoothie Queen like I asked!”

“Lydia’s out at physio, so be as loud as you want.” Sandra-lynn called out after them, only wincing slightly when Kristen crashed into the wall in a much less dexterous attempt than Fig to slide across the floor on the way to her room.

The kids left down the hall, voices fading. The Hangman rumbled up the gravel driveway fifteen minutes later, Riz and Fabian both stepping inside, toting smoothies and greeting her before heading down the hall. Laughter echoed through the stone and wood of the manor, and Zayne popped his head down through the ceiling to give her a wave when she got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to make some more tea.

She considered for a moment to make two cups, but decided against it with a sigh. Jawbone had been working later and later as the end of the school year approached and he had a lot to do before spring break, at school and at Mordred too. They’ve been living here a year, steadily making progress with their renovations and various projects that came with living in an old busted up haunted house, but she wouldn’t trade the cold floors and drafty secret passageways and the old graveyard for anything despite the headache she sometimes got by living with seven other people. Eight if she counted Aelwyn, who had started coming by more often to subtly hole up in her sister’s tower and not-so-subtly do piles of laundry and steal snacks from the pantry. Six if she didn’t count Zayne, who wasn't technically living, but he was as much a part of the household now as Fig.

She was so goddamn proud. Her life hadn’t been perfect, and she’s fucked up and screwed people over and fell apart more times than she can count since she was Fig’s age, but it all had led her here. Her daughter had more support and family than Sandra-lynn had ever had, friends who would do anything for her and Gilear and Gortholax and Jawbone to dote on her. She was an accomplished bard, a powerful warlock, and a devoted paladin. Fig’s life wasn’t perfect. Sandra-lynn’s life wasn't perfect, but Jawbone had told her time and time again that life is never perfect, healing is never linear, and no mistake is so bad it can’t be fixed with time and effort. She had an amazing boyfriend and a beautiful daughter and an extremely haunted house. She had relaxed muscles and lavender tea. So what if there was a potential conspiracy to bring back an unknown god that may or may not actually be Fig’s god?

The Bad Kids would get through it. They always did.

Grabbing a fresh teabag from the pantry and a clean mug from the cupboard, Sandra-lynn started toward the stove, humming good-naturedly. Maybe she could order in tonight, spend the time she would have spent cooking sitting on the couch, watching This Solecian Life and tuning out all the rest of the world outside Mordred. No worrying about curses, no worrying about work, and definitely no worrying about grades.

She grinned. Yes, she’d continue to relax, and there would be no worry about-

An agitated screech rang out from the direction of Kristen’s room, and she slammed the mug down on the kitchen counter so hard she was surprised it didn't shatter like Fig had cast the spell. Sliding on her own socked feet, she flew through the hallways and skidded into the chapel of Cassandra with a shout. “What’s happening? Are you guys okay?”

Her heart leapt in her throat as she saw a splatter of red on the floor before she registered Riz’s claws puncturing the white styrofoam cup in his hand, Gorgug and Fabian crouched over him from where he was frozen on the floor. There was a look on his face she’d never seen before, and she’d bet a hundred fucking gold that no one in the world without Detect Thoughts would be able to tell if he was about to cry or hide or kill somebody.

Another flash of red, and she blinked hard, lavender on her tongue turning sour. Kristen was waving a folded up paper in front of her, face red as her hair, angry eyes shining dangerously, and Sandra-lynn mentally said goodbye to the her of the past who was drinking tea on the couch, no worries in her mind's eye.

Kristen screamed again, wordless frustration, undeniable rage lacing her voice. She turned and flung the paper away like it had burned her, which landed in Fig’s shaking hands. She turned to look at Sandra-lynn, and her daughter mouthed to her as her eyes shone like Kristen’s.

Bobby Dawn.

The paper in Fig’s hands started to smoke, and the lavender on her tongue turned into ash.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Had it not come from Zack's mouth, it would've been a simple enough question.

"Has the sky always been this…Gray?"

Genesis softly jolted. His focus shifted from the book in his hands to the question frozen in the icy January air.

He looked over at the boy, noticing the way his eyes seemed to glaze over. They were devoid of any glow, permanently snapped open unblinking. He had been hyper-focused on the sky above them.

A knitted beanie covered his unruly spikes, complimenting the heavy winter jacket he was swamped in.

The storm had subsided after two nights of torturous snowfall. Midgar was a snow-covered sea identifiable only by the faint, green glow of the reactors beneath the haze.

Frost covered the metal scaffolding they had sheltered themselves under. With Angeal and Sephiroth gone to volunteer at the shelter in the slums, Genesis thought it a good idea to drag Zack to the building's rooftop for some fresh air—an oxymoron of the finest kind when they resided in Midgar.

But it was better than watching the boy rot away at odd corners of the base. When Genesis had found him this time, he was being scolded by Director Lazard for failing a mission and performing poorly in his training.

Zack's smile was dimming by the day. Genesis didn't like it.

"What was that?" The older man asked, his breath forming a cloud of condensation with each word. He closed his book, swinging his leg over the metal and facing his friend fully.

Zack shifted, shivering as he still kept his dull stare fixed on the clouds—or lack thereof.

"The sky." Zack's voice was weak and hoarse. "I thought it was supposed to be blue." A pause. "It's gray."

Genesis' response wasn't immediate. He slowly glanced upward to acknowledge Zack's concerns. Granted, he didn't need to. Midgar's skies were always gray and clouded with smoke no matter the season.

"I'm afraid it is, Puppy." Genesis looked back at him, only to find that Zack's unblinking stare had already pinned him in place.

Genesis forced an encouraging smile. "It's not as nice as the blue sea of white clouds in Banora, and certainly doesn't match up to Gongaga's splendor either, unfortunately."

Zack had no response. But the way his focus slipped from Genesis to the precipice off the side of the building concerned the redhead more than anything.

Zack's emotions mirrored the weather.

He blossomed in the spring.

He lived in the summer.

He wilted in the fall.

And he died every winter.

[foxes-that-run]

Sunflower Vol 6

Sunflower is a sweet romantic song. It references HYGTG and Clean, reminding of her how it used to be to suggest dating again.

My Vol 1 - 5 theory

My theory on Vol 1 - 5 are times they dated or hung out. I have playlist grouped into possible volumes. There is more in the dates and timelines.

31 March 2012, 20 May 2012 - July 2012 (Everything has changed - IKYWT)

28 September 2012 - 3 January 2013 (HYGTG - NTWDT.)

25 August 2013 - November 2013 (Happily - Wonderland)

14 February 2014 - February 2015 (Style - FTDT)

February/29 April 2016 - May 2016 (High infidelity - IDWLF)

To me, Sunflower is contemplating a Vol. 6 (Fine Line/Lover). Sunflower hasn't been played since Live on Tour ended in 2021.

Lyrics

Sunflower Sunflower My eyes, want you more than a melody Let me inside Wish I could get to know you

I wanna get to know you is a reference to the Everything has changed "I just wanna know you better" which Taylor and Ed wrote the week after 20 May 2012.

Love 'I want you more than a melody' which reminds me of HYGTG “say you want me”

Sunflowers Sometimes Keep it sweet in your memory I was just tongue-tied

Wildest Dreams: "Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe" and OOTW "I Remember.."

Harry describes Taylor as sunshine and butterflies and all things summer in many songs:

Olivia “You live in my imagination / The summertime, butterflies”

Watermelon Sugar: “summer evening”, “summer feeling”, “end of June”

Adore You: “your wonder under summer sky”

Canyon Moon: “sky never looked so blue”

They are tongue-tied in:

Two Ghosts "Tongue-tied like we've never known"

Sushi "Blue bubblegum twisted 'round your tongue"

Message in a Bottle "And I became hypnotized by freckles and bright eyes, tongue-tied"

I don't wanna make you feel bad But I've been trying hard not to talk to you Sunflower (Sunflower, sunflower)

Taylors Gorgeous has a similar line “You should take it as a compliment / That I'm talking to everyone here but you (but you, but you)”

I couldn't want you any more Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor I couldn't want you any more tonight (Tonight, tonight, tonight)

Lover (feat. Shawn Mendes): "We could light a bunch of candles and dance around the kitchen, baby"

Wondering headshake Tired eyes are the death of me Mouthful of toothpaste Before I got to know you

Harry brushes his teeth before performing. He met Taylor backstage at the kids choice awards, I take wondering headshake to mean acknowledging each other when they first saw each other.

I've got your face Hung up high in the gallery I love this shade (Sunflower, sunflower)

To me the picture line is not a literal gallery, but a symbol that this person is his person. I think this song and line a response to HYGTG "Remind her how it used to be, be / Yeah, with pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, cheeks" and You are in Love and has "he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown"

Your flowers just died Plant new seeds in the melody Let me inside, I wanna get to know you

Plant new seeds in the melody is the nicest line. It is a reference to:

Clean "The drought was the very worst / When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst".

Call it what you want: "All my flowers grew back as thorns / Windows boarded up after the storm" (more thorns and roses)

Chronologically then Harry says to plant new seeds and try again.

I don't wanna make you feel bad But I've been trying hard not to act a fool Sunflower (Sunflower, sunflower)

Harry has called himself a fool many times, here he is trying to be nonchalant and cool but before he's been all kinds of fool:

I just wanna love you "We can whisper, we can talk about these things / Reconsider my foolish ramblings"

Just a little bit of your heart "I know I'm not your only / But I'll still be a fool / 'Cause I'm a fool for you"

Fools gold "But I'm not done yet / Falling for you / Fool's gold"

Boyfriends "You love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin / You, you, you still open the door" and "You feel a fool / You're back at it again"

In the Long Pond Sessions Taylor later emphasised how James had been foolish, saying fool/foolish 7 times.

[neptunehenriksen]

When the launch is HARD 🫦 Queer Summer Trilogy Bundle is FINALLY available!

AUS ONLY Limited Edition Paperback Bundle & WORLDWIDE Ebook Bundle

Also available separately anywhere books are sold!

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY on my WEBSITE

[guppygiggles]

⚠️ MINORS and no-age blogs DNI ⚠️

Most of what I make is platonic (between friends) or romantic, but sometimes, I make content with suggestive themes. While it is not explicitly sexual, I am still not comfortable with minors interacting with me - period. If you don't have your age in your bio or pinned, I will block you.

Also -- and I can't even believe I have to say this -- do not reblog my art with any language that promotes incest or ships involving minors.

Hello! I'm Casper. I make tickling art and fics featuring my OCs and my friends' OCs.

My three main OCs are Avery Nimbus, Casper Reid, and Finnegan Reed. Here's an art piece featuring the three of them together!

I also have a sideblog for sneezing, which is here. Please be aware that my snz blog contains suggestive and NSFW content that is not tagged consistently.

Tag Directory

#fluffyart - my art

#fluffychatter - my text posts

#notfluffytickles - block this tag if you don't want to see my vent art. Even when I use this tag, I always put art that is scary, sad, or strange under a cut, just in case.

#fluffyspice - sometimes, the art I make between Casper and Avery is more on the suggestive side. This might involve one or both of them being shirtless, kisses on tickle spots, expressions of pleasure from being tickled, hypnosis, or suggestive language. When I use this tag, I will also state in the tags why I have used it. I will not use this tag for art that involves bondage without any other suggestive elements.

Fic Directory

My main fic is called "Like Real People Do." It is a love story between my sona, Casper, and the sweet cloud-man named Avery Nimbus.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

I also have an AU called "Sea and Sky" which is meant to be more freeform and episodic, and as such, can be read in any order. It takes place in a fantasy world where more races than just cloudfolk and humans exist. In this world, Finnegan, Avery, and Casper live in Avery's lighthouse together and get up to all kinds of fluffy and tickly shenanigans.

Summer Fluff (Lee!Finnegan, upperbody)

Nightmares (No tickling, hurt + comfort)

What's in a Name? (Lee!Finnegan, upperbody)

Let's get physical! (Fluff, tickling for all three!)

Tickletober Prompt: Avery's Lighthouse (Lee!Avery, foot-focused)

Here are some brainrot-fueled oneshots between Casper and Avery that don't really take place in either universe. I usually write these for comfort.

Tickle Ramble (Lee!Avery, foot-focused)

Say it! (Lee!Casper, upperbody, heavy hurt + comfort)

Test Subject (Lee!Casper, upperbody)

Right Here~? (Lee!Casper, upperbody, heavy underarm focus)

Fluffy Panic (Lee!Reader, Ler!Avery)

Sometimes, I like to write teases directed at nobody in particular. Here's a directory of those!

The way I wanna get you~

You're so cute!

Morning tickles

Morning tickles (for early risers)

A love letter to shy lees

Ler brainrot

A love letter to lees in general!

Favorite spots

Under the chin~?

Ask me again...

Love letter to tickling

Comic Directory

Where it all started. I made my first comic in January of 2024, a few weeks after I started drawing. My art style was very inconsistent (and clearly still is), but I will include these here as I think they are important to the history of this blog.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

FAQ

Generally, I like getting asks! I do try to answer most of them, but I have also provided some answers to frequent questions under the cut.

Also, please see below for information about sending me requests.

Who can interact:

Adults! SFW and NSFW blogs can interact.

Who cannot interact:

Minors! I make content that is romantic, intimate, and sometimes suggestive. I am not comfortable with minors interacting with me. Please respect this.

Spam likes:

I actually don't mind this, provided you are an adult and your bio/pinned says so. Just be aware that I am definitely going to notice if you do this, and I am going to block you ASAP if you're a minor or I don't see an age.

Requests:

9/30/2024

Requests for fics and art are currently open, however:

1. My priority during October will be tickletober. This means I will be unlikely to get to your request during this month (unless I integrate it into a tickletober prompt).

2. Please only send me requests for my own OCs.

3. I am more likely to fulfill your request if it is not too specific. Here are some examples:

Good: "Cheer-up tickles with Avery as the ler." "Foot tickles with Casper as the ler and Avery as the lee." "Cuddly tickle scene with Casper and Finn." "Belly tickles."

Bad: "Avery comes home from work and Casper decides to cheer him up from a bad day with foot tickling."

Also, please be aware that if you ask for raspberries, I will never depict my character(s) as the lee. I don't hate raspberries, but they don't tickle me and I'm not really sure how they tickle, haha, so I only use them on others.

DMs:

If you're an adult, yes! I love making friends! I am happily married though, so please don't come at me with that kind of intent, haha. I am also really bad at remembering to respond... I have a full-time job and social life. Please don't take it personally.

Art Trades:

If you are interested in an art trade, feel free to DM me! I am generally open to trades and will usually try to work something out with you, provided I am not in a busy season at my job.

Commissions:

I do not take commissions and I have no plans to, I'm sorry.

Drawing/Writing my characters:

I love when people draw or write my characters! Here are my boundary sheets for Avery and Casper. If something is not covered here that you'd like to clarify, feel free to ask!

What I will post/reblog:

Art and fics featuring romantic tickles, platonic/friendly tickles, kissing, cuddling, fluff. There will be light bondage/restraints, like hands being pinned down, and sometimes intimate/suggestive/adult themes. Heavily suggestive posts will be tagged #fluffyspice.

What I will not post/reblog:

Genital nudity, real-life tickling gifs/photos, and any kind of content involving these things: sex acts, minors, and/or familial tickling. I also do not make fanart unless it is of someone's OC (I will reblog it, though, whether I'm familiar with the fanbase or not... haha).

The only exception to this is if I draw my own characters as kids. If I do, it will be for lore purposes only and will never include tickling.

Blogs I like to follow:

Other tickling art/fic blogs run by adults. If your blog is mostly IRL gifs/photos of tickling, especially if it's NSFW, I probably won't follow you back, as I prefer art and fics to real-life content. No offense intended, it just isn't for me.

My personal etiquette:

I read and abide by the DNI of every blog I interact with. I expect my boundaries to be respected, too. If I interacted with you in a way you didn't like, please message me and I will apologize and fix it. Or, if you're more comfortable, just block me -- no hard feelings.

Other places I can be found:

Twitter and Tiktok!

Final thoughts:

Reminder, this is a sideblog, so if I follow you it will be from my main. I'm not going to say what it is here, but my icon has a picture of Avery!

If you read all this, well you're just a peach aren't you? 💙 Thanks!

[trahald-the-burrower]

When in the year was Sméagol born?

I was wondering when in the year Sméagol was born, mostly because I'm curious as to which stars he was born under (his horoscope, to put it simply). I do believe placement of the stars/planets when born can have an affect on one's personality.

So I started doing some research to try and figure it out.

My first questions were…

Q: Does the world of Middle-Earth have the same constellations as we do?

A: YES. Though they are referred to differently, they are the same stars. For example, Orion's Belt in Tolkien's world is known as Menelvagor's Shining Belt, and is seen in the night sky in Autumn (which fits with our world, as well).

This is important to know, because I can't decide the equivalent of Sméagol's horoscope in our world if he doesn't have our stars.

Q: Are there seasons in Middle-Earth? Do they have the equivalent of Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall?

A: YES. And, according to this map, the Gladden Fields experiences a cold winter and a warm summer.

This is important to know because the season is the ONLY THING I can use to figure out when Sméagol was born. We know the weather was nice (more on this below).

Q: Do hobbits count time the same way we do? Are there 24 hours in a day? 7 days a week? 12 months in a year? Are there 365.25 days in a year?

A: YES to all, though weekdays and months have different names, and each month has a period of 30 days (some extra days were added to their yearly calendar, so that there are 365 days a year, but they are not considered to be a part of a month).

This is important to know because I would have a very difficult time figuring out which stars were out during the time of Sméagol's birth if their years were shorter, or significantly dissimilar to ours in any way.

Q: On which months do the seasons fall? Do they fall on the same months as ours?

A: YES. Give or take a day or two. For example, Summer solstace for us is June 20th, and for them it is June 22nd.

This is important to know, because if Summer Solstace was in what we call January rather than June, the stars would be placed differently.

With all of these questions answered, I was then able to proceed. Like I said, the ONLY THING I have to determine Sméagol's birth date is the season -- the weather was quite nice on Sméagol's birthday (the day Déagol found the Ring/Sméagol took it). And I know this because not only were they fishing, but Déagol fell in and didn't suffer from hypothermia (if he had, I imagine it would have been mentioned. He seemed perfectly fine when he emerged), and Gandalf said "On a time they took a boat and went down to the Gladden Fields, where there were great beds of iris and flowering reeds."

These irises were the Yellow Iris/Yellow Flag, iris pseudacorus -- Tolkien states this in his notes.

Yellow Irises bloom in the Spring and Summer, from April to June (some say even up to the beginning of July).

New stalks of flowering reeds shoot in Spring, and flowers appear in late June.

With this information, we can say that Sméagol's birthday was in the Spring/Summer, somewhere from April to the beginning of July.

(I compared our yearly calendar with the hobbits' yearly calendar. It's different by only a day or two -- some months are the same. I can't say with certainty the exact day Sméagol's birth fell on, so those two days won't make much of a difference, anyway -- I can only give an estimate.)

At this point, I looked through the horoscopes that go from April to the beginning of July. Which are…

Aries (end of March to end of April) Taurus (end of April to end of May) Gemini (end of May to end of June) Cancer (end of June to end of July)

(I felt compelled to cross off Aries and Cancer, and put him closer to the middle, but I looked into the personality traits of each horoscope just to see.)

Aries Personality Traits: Confident, prideful, power-hungry, impatient, natural born leaders, impulsive, adventurous, headstrong.

Taurus Personality Traits: Kind, rational, dependable, trustworthy, loving, humble, greedy, resilient.

Gemini Personality Traits: Curious, cunning, deceptive, child-like, adaptable, dramatic, indecisive, playful.

Cancer Personality Traits: Artistic, imaginative, sensitive, moody, empathetic, kind, quirky, shy.

While I can see a bit of him in each horoscope, Gemini wins; it fits him almost to a T. The symbol for the sign is even two faces, and they are known as "The Twins" and for having two distinct sides.

I went a bit further, and while I can't know the exact date, I can guess. Gemini is from May 21 - June 20 (give or take a couple days for the hobbits).

June 22nd is the first day of Summer for hobbits (June 20th for us).

Frodo's birthday is September 22nd, and canonically this is the first day of Autumn in the Shire.

I thought it would really be quite fitting if Frodo's birthday was the last day of Summer/first day of Autumn while Sméagol's birthday was the last day of Spring/first day of Summer at June 22nd for hobbits (which, if we took a couple days off for the hobbit calendar, would be June 20th which is the last day of Gemini). It would fit their being opposites/mirroring one another. Depending on how you look at it, you could say Sméagol was born at the beginning of Summer and Frodo was born at the end of Summer (Sméagol being interested in roots and beginnings is a big part of his story).

So canonically: Sméagol's birthday is in Spring/Summer.

My headcanon: He's a Gemini and was born June 22nd.

[magicshopaholic]

Seoul (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: You and Namjoon meet in Seoul again, this time as exes.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Fluff, angst

Word count: 13.8 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, break-up, talk about parental issues, stress, infidelity, kissing

A/N: So... this got a little longer than expected. Some questions will be asked, many will be answered. A lot of holiday cheer and pretty Christmas lighting. But the best part about this fic has to be the fact that I haven't proofread it.

Set approximately nine months after Next Time but can be read standalone.

Tagging: @bbl32, @meirkive, @quarter-life-crisis2, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: “ghost” by parekh & singh

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

The last cloud floats away, and the sun peeks out apologetically. Bathed in light, the landscape looks like a colourful painting - a blue sky with a hint of purple, the edge of a green hill cutting it at an angle, and a winding road finishing it off. Visible in between two parallel rows of buildings, it feels like a glimpse of summer on a cold winter morning.

Kaya raises her phone to click a picture, ignoring her frozen fingers. This is Instagram-worthy, she decides - story only, even though she rarely posts anything else. She considers a caption for a brief moment, but it feels almost cruel to disturb the picture.

Over an hour later, when she’s in the car on her way home, her phone pings and she sees a reply to her story.

artisfolly [12:45] You’re in Seoul?

Kaya’s heart skips a beat. She suddenly realises why she’d felt the need to take a picture of that particular hill and it’s no surprise that he’s recognised it, too. His question is unexpected, though, and she can think of nothing to say but the obvious.

kaya_m [12:46] Yeah.

artisfolly [12:47] Why didn’t you tell me?

She stares at the screen, at a rare loss for words. She can’t fathom why he would ask her this, and the fact that they’re speaking to each other for the first time in nearly three months reduces her to simple honesty.

kaya_m [12:50] I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.

A beat passes. Kaya realises only a moment later how tightly she’s clutching her phone and forces her fingers to loosen up.

artisfolly [12:51] I always want to hear from you.

Another beat. Then – 

artisfolly [12:51] Can we meet for coffee?

—

The city is already lit up and ready for the holidays. There’s the faint sound of instrumental carols from somewhere down the street as people enter and exit shops in a flurry, all bundled up in fashionable winter wear.

Namjoon still isn’t entirely sure why he picked this place to meet up. Gangnam just made sense because it was reasonably close by, but it’s also busy - it makes him feel less exposed somehow, although he isn’t fully sure what he’s trying to stay hidden from.

He glances at the menu of the coffee cart as he waits for her. Again, it wasn’t what he’d had in mind when he’d proposed to meet up for coffee, but his mind had gone blank when he’d tried to think of a place. For some reason, all he could think about was this small cart and the fact that it had a hazelnut drink. Around two hours ago, after nearly a whole day of thinking, he’d realised he couldn’t put it off anymore and texted Kaya with the location of the department store next door.

Namjoon exhaled, trying to ignore the low hum of anxiety in his stomach. A lot had happened in the last couple of days: a new track had been submitted for approval, their appearance at the AMAs in January was under review, he had a package that was currently stuck in customs - and then he’d found out his ex-girlfriend was back in Seoul. The anxiety is warranted, he decides.

It’s a few minutes past four pm when his phone buzzes. He feels a jolt in his stomach as he answers. “Hey.”

“Hey. I, uh… I think I’m at the location…” Kaya trails off, sounding unsure. “I can’t see Aldo, though.”

Namjoon swallows; the last time they’d spoken on the phone, she’d sounded very different. His heart skips an uncomfortable beat when he thinks about it.

“Oh.” He clears his throat. “Um, where are you right now?”

“I’m at…” She trails off again, and he pictures her looking around, eyes big and upward. “Okay, I just passed Zara.”

“Okay, just keep walking straight,” he tells her, turning to face the direction he knows she’s coming from. “You’ll see an auditorium kind of thing on your left -“

“There’s just a turn here.

“Yeah, no, you’ll have to cross the street. Be careful,” he adds automatically when he hears a car horn at her end.

She says nothing to that but stays on the line. “Okay, I think I see the auditorium… is that an auditorium?”

“Kind of, I guess. Street musicians, up and comers perform there and stuff.”

“That’s nice. Did you?”

“Still a stage I have yet to conquer. Can you see me?”

“Not yet. It’s pretty crowded. Is there an inflatable Santa near you?”

Namjoon turns slightly on the spot. “There’s a 3D Santa cut-out, if that’s what you’re referring to. There’s, like, three of them, though.” He bites back an unexpected chuckle when she swears under her breath. “Try to look for a banner with the directions to Santa’s Village.”

He can hear her stop in her tracks. “A banner? Everything’s written in Hangul, Joon. Oh, hang on, I think I see shoes - it might be Aldo…”

Namjoon nods wordlessly, trying to ignore his heart racing. He tries to look over the heads of the people on the street, hoping no one recognises him as he looks for Kaya - and spots her. She looks… exactly the same, or more beautiful than every single person in Gangnam put together. Probably both. 

He can hear her murmuring on the phone, trying to look for him as well, but he can barely make out what she’s saying. He’s reminded, inexplicably, of the last time he’d seen a similar sight: London, almost two years ago. They weren’t dating yet, and he’d waited for her by the entrance of his hotel as she arrived from the station. He’d spotted her just like this in the crowd, albeit much later in the night. The moment she’d seen him, her face had broken out into a happy smile, complete with Disney princess eyes, and he’d asked her flat out to be with him two minutes later.

It’s a bittersweet memory. Namjoon blinks rapidly a few times before clearing his throat. “I can see you,” he says, hearing how low his own voice is all of a sudden.  He raises his arm halfway. “I’m here. Right in front of you.”

He registers the moment Kaya sees him. Her mouth stops moving mid-word and she halts for a moment before exhaling slightly and giving him a small, polite smile. They lower their phones at the same time and Kaya continues walking towards him, dropping hers into the small sling bag hanging from her shoulder. He notices her gaze travel up and down his figure before lingering on his chest, and he’s suddenly glad he chose the turtleneck at the last minute.

“It’s cold,” she says when she finally reaches him, rubbing her hands together and shivering slightly. 

He nods, feeling his heart leap unnecessarily. “It’ll get colder,” he informs her. “You look nice,” he says after a moment.

“Thanks. So do you.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence before she exhales. “So this is the coffee place,” she states, looking up at the lit up cart, at the fairy lights, the menu written in both English and Korean - anywhere but him, he notes. 

“Oh - uh, yeah.” He shakes his head. “You should - we should order,” he stutters, fumbling with his wallet as he fishes it out. “Sorry, I know you probably weren’t expecting this, but I couldn’t decide -”

“No, no, it’s totally fine,” she says immediately, the silver hoops in her ears glinting as she shakes her head. “This is nice. I’ll have the hazelnut, I think,” she adds, retrieving her own wallet. “Uh, one hazelnut,” she repeats to the barista, enunciating a bit and holding up a finger before turning to Namjoon.

“Oh, right. One caramel macchiato,” he adds in Korean. He pulls out two bills and is about to place them on the counter when Kaya beats him to it. “Oh, I was going to -”

“That’s alright,” she interrupts, glancing up at him with a stiff smile as though to let him know it’s still good-natured. “I can pay for my own coffee.”

They don’t say much else until two steaming lattes are placed on the counter, smelling warm and cozy. They pick up their drinks, and Namjoon is suddenly faced with the consequences of choosing an establishment with no designated seating area.

“Um…” He looks around, starting to feel a bit silly, before looking back down at her and sighing. “Do you want to walk?” he asks finally.

She seems to have already expected this. With a glint of amusement in her eyes, she nods. “Sure.”

They begin strolling down the sidewalk in Gangnam square. The place is busy and most people are bundled up, meaning it’s one of those rare occasions when Namjoon is likely to make it through unrecognised. He tenses up for a moment when he thinks about the fact that he isn’t alone, but then remembers he has no business caring about that anymore.

“So… how’ve you been?” 

Namjoon looks up, wondering where to begin. He isn’t sure how much of his post break-up state is appropriate to reveal, and if she even wants to know. He can talk about work… but even that could be a delicate topic, given recent events. 

“Not great,” he says finally, surprised at his own honesty. “You?”

She shrugs, once again not meeting his eyes. “About the same.”

He bites his lip. The distance between them, while expected, feels awful - and wrong. Namjoon takes a brave step closer to her. “How did the seminar go? The second one was in October, right?”

Kaya pauses for a fraction of a second before nodding, and Namjoon knows she’s caught the deliberate tone in the question. He doesn’t regret it, though. Forgetting the first one was bad enough; the guilt that had washed over him when he’d realised he’d missed an academic milestone in her life had been one of the last straws for him. 

“It wasn’t bad,” she says, taking a small sip of her drink and cracking a smile. “Went better than the first one. But I got to design the lecture series at the end so I guess it worked out.”

“That’s great,” he replies, meaning it. She seems taller, the top of her head almost reaching his cheek. He looks down to see her boots, long and straight up her legs… swallowing, he looks away. “You didn’t sound so good about the - about the last one,” he adds quickly, wincing a moment later.

“Yeah. That one was… way worse.” Kaya doesn’t say anymore, taking another sip instead. “Coffee’s good.”

“Yeah. We got a bunch of these delivered to the studio about a week ago. Thought you might like it.”

“Right.” She nods. “How, uh, how is the studio? And the collabs?” she tacks on at the end.

Namjoon feels his stomach twist again, his eyes falling to his cup at the mention of what was probably the breaking point of their relationship. Hwasa, Sunmi and IU. In the aftermath of their break-up, it had become increasingly clear to him that this was the core of the issue and yet, it seemed like the one thing they avoided talking about.

Kaya seems to remember, too. “Sorry… I didn’t mean to make it weird,” she mutters. 

He shakes his head. “You didn’t. Don’t worry.”

She bites her lip. “I was genuinely asking. You were working pretty hard.”

I’m working hard, too. And not just at my job.

“They’re in post production now,” he answers as they turn into a quieter street. “Except for one. It came out last month.”

“Oh, really? That’s - that’s great. Must be doing well.”

“It’s doing fine. Just finished promoting it earlier this week.”

“So does that mean you have Christmas off?” Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Must be doing really well.”

Namjoon chuckles. “Yeah, I don’t want to jinx it. I’m going over to my parents’ house tomorrow night. I’ll probably stay there for a few days.”

Their coffees are almost done now; as the sky darkens, they throw their empty cups into a trash can by the sidewalk and continue walking. Namjoon shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, glad for the momentary warmth. 

“God, it’s colder than usual,” he mutters. “You know what it reminds me of, though?”

She looks up at him with the first genuine smile of the evening. “London?”

Fucking hell. “Yeah, exactly. Except there it was cold and wet.” He shudders. “I don’t know how you made it all the way from the station with a suitcase in that weather.”

Kaya shrugs. “It wasn’t so bad. The hot shower after really helped,” she adds absently.

It’s not super high up in the list of things Namjoon wants to be reminded of right now, the image of her in his shower. What’s up, boyfriend? she’d greeted him when she’d stepped out, wrapped in a towel, her wet hair swept over one shoulder. The memory makes him smile involuntarily.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” He straightens his face. “I read that Sean Scully was touring Europe again. Did you get to go?”

She sighs hugely and groans. “No, work piled up way too much. But, I found out he was going to be in Belgium and he was putting up some of his figurations on sale,” she says, shaking her head already, “and I started saving up - and I mean saving up. And two months later, the sale happened, and the painting was nowhere to be seen.”

“Wow. You know, some of his stuff is in the National Gallery here, too,” he says, pointing generically behind him. “We can - I mean, you should check it out… if you have time,” he adds lamely.

“Yeah, probably. I’ve been checking out more indie stuff lately, though - but, yeah, maybe.”

“Oh, is that why you were in Hongdae yesterday?”

“Yesterday? No, I was there to see a play.”

Namjoon frowns. “In English?”

“Nope.”

He bites his lip, trying not to laugh, but gives up a moment later. “Are you serious?”

“Shut up,” she mutters, looking adorably embarrassed and nudging him with her elbow. “Jae-lin wanted me to come along.”

Ah. “And there was no way you could say no to her,” he finishes in understanding.

“Exactly. Even the best of us have some weak spots.” She peers at something across from him on the other side of the street. “Hey, is that an ATM?” She stops and looks up at him. “Do you mind? I just need to -”

“No, go ahead. I’ll grab a bottle of water.” He watches her jog across the empty street and enter the vestibule before he ducks into the convenience store behind him. It’s easier than he’d expected, being around her - except for the part where he wishes he could forget for a moment that they aren’t together anymore.

As he wordlessly passes the bottle to the cashier, he wonders for what feels like the millionth time in the last three months if this was the right decision. It had felt like it at the time. The snapping and the fighting was becoming more frequent than before, but at least that was mutual. Disappointing her each time was too much, though, and before he knew it, he was doing the one thing to ensure he didn’t hurt her anymore.

“Thank you,” he mutters to the shopkeeper and exits the shop. The cold air hits him again and it feels as though the sky has gotten several shades darker in the last few minutes. His eyes go straight to the ATM, noting two or three more people apparently in line, before he spots Kaya among them. Her uncertain expression, ducked head and hunched shoulders tell him everything he needs to know, and all thoughts of their break-up disappear in an instant.

Striding over, Namjoon registers three other men, two behind her, seemingly chuckling at something the third is saying to Kaya. It’s clear she isn’t able to understand him, but his proximity to her is enough for Namjoon to automatically feel his pulse race in annoyance.

“Which - country?” The third guy says in English, louder and more deliberate. Before Kaya can answer, Namjoon reaches over and wraps his hand around her wrist, gently tugging her out of there. The relief in her face is brief but evident, and she immediately falls into step beside him as they walk away.

“You alright?” he asks in a low voice, dropping her wrist but staying close to her. “Do you have your wallet and everything?”

She nods and exhales, her arm brushing his shoulder. “Yeah,” she murmurs, her voice shaking slightly. “Thanks.” She doesn’t move away from him, not until they turn into a busier street. It’s more brightly lit, with Christmas decorations and fake snow everywhere, and Namjoon can’t help but feel sorry when she finally takes a step to her right and the familiar scent of coconut and vanilla disappears.

They don’t speak again for a while but unlike when they’d initially met at the coffee cart, Namjoon doesn’t feel pressured to make conversation. Some kind of ice between them seems to have broken and he suddenly feels a lot more secure in the fact that she’s here with him, that they’re here together.

“Oh, my God!” Kaya gasps suddenly, halting in her tracks and clutching his arm, and for a moment Namjoon thinks the creepy men are back.

“What?” he asks hurriedly, looking around and automatically stepping closer to her.

She doesn’t seem to notice. “What - the hell - is that?” she stutters, pointing shakily at something in front of her. Namjoon follows her finger, expecting danger, only to find something even more terrifying.

“Oh,” he exhales, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. He wracks his brain for an appropriate explanation but soon gives. “That’s… yeah, that’s a cardboard cut-out of Taehyung.”

Kaya looks up at him incredulously. “It - what?” She turns back to the six foot tall cut-out of Taehyung in a suit, smirking and making a finger heart, before she looks behind it to see the rest of it. 

“Okay, Namjoon, there’s no easy way to ask this,” she begins, taking a step back, “but why is there a shrine to Taehyung in the middle of Seoul?”

Namjoon chuckles, a little embarrassed. “It’s his birthday in a week, so… they do this every year. Birthdays are a big deal around here,” he adds, following her as she gingerly continues down the aforementioned shrine.

“No, I get that,” she says slowly, lightly touching a fringe of sparkly streamers bordering a photo booth. “This is just…” She trails off, looking up at the fake snow and candy canes decorating a line of photo cards and smaller cardboard cut-outs.

“A lot, I know.”

“Kind of sweet,” she finishes. “You know, once you get used to it.” She stops at a wall-sized poster of the entire group, a shot from their last concert in the summer. Namjoon isn’t sure, but he thinks her gaze is lingering on him in the corner, hair a lighter blond than it is now.

My man looks so fucking sexy in a suit.

“What about you?”

It takes Namjoon a moment to focus. “Uh, what about me?”

“Does this happen for everyone’s birthday?” She raises her eyebrows playfully. “Was there a life-size Kim Namjoon here, too?”

“God, no,” he says, shuddering a bit. “Although there is a graffiti drawing of my face back in Ilsan. It’s actually pretty good!” he exclaims when she laughs, feeling his cheeks grow warm. “I’ve only seen pictures, anyway. I guess I’ll see it when I go back tomorrow.”

“Spend some good old quality time with it?”

“Not that much time. Our schedule starts on the…” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to recall. “Twenty-eighth, I think. Need to double check that.” He opens his eyes to see Kaya frowning.

“You’re working on New Year’s?”

“Yeah,” he says, shrugging. “New Year’s Eve special in New York. Holidays, birthdays… doesn’t really matter,” he adds, hearing a note of bitterness in his own voice. He stops by a pop-up stall. “Honestly, it’s a miracle we got Christmas off.”

Kaya stops beside him, facing him slightly. “I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “About your birthday. I didn’t forget,” she clarifies when he looks up. “I thought about texting or something, but… it was just too soon.”

Namjoon nods, feeling his heart clench a little. That hadn’t been a good day. “I get it. It was less than a week after… everything.”

“Yeah. Didn’t think you’d be working, though.”

“I didn’t mind. Kept me occupied.”

She bites her lip, glancing over at the collectibles. Namjoon watches her, recalling with a heavy heart just how much he’d been hoping she’d call. It hadn’t been fair to expect it, given that he’d ended things just a few days prior. He’d tried to do it as amicably as possible, tried to reassure her that it had nothing to do with how he felt - it was just a consequence of their situation. Long time coming, he’d said. Despite that, he’d kept his phone on all day, hoping that at least special events would mean he could hear her voice again. 

“I did… wait,” he confesses after a moment. “I thought we ended on good terms.”

Kaya exhales, and he can see her defenses go up. “We did. That’s why we’re here right now.”

“Three months later.”

“Yeah, well. I needed time to process it,” she counters, folding her arms across her chest. “You really caught me off guard.”

Namjoon lowers his head, unsurprised at her astute observation. He had caught her off guard - and not accidentally. He can still remember the rain in the background, the sound of the people around her as he revealed what he’d been thinking for a few days by then. Most of all, he can remember how confused she’d sounded. That had been the worst part: her confusion. Sadness, anger, denial; he would’ve chosen all of them over her uncertainty, how she’d taken a few minutes to realise what he was proposing, by which time it was too late to argue.

“I wouldn’t have been able to go through it otherwise,” he confesses quietly.

After what seems like several minutes, Kaya sighs. “Well. In the spirit of processing things,” she begins, and he looks up to see her reaching for one of the small stuffed toys on the cart, “a belated happy birthday.” She hands it to him.

“Thanks. And thank you for…” He looks down at the toy and back up at her. “... for this stuffed doll of Taehyung?”

“A stuffed doll of Taehyung holding a wreath,” she points out, jabbing a finger at the plastic decoration. “And wearing a Santa hat.”

“Wow. This is, uh…” He looks back at the doll, stitched down to immaculate detail. “... so terrifying.”

Kaya laughs. “What are you talking about? He’s a good-looking kid.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want a voodoo doll of him staring at me while I’m, like, changing or something.”

“Well, that’s your punishment for breaking up with me while I was running late to class,” she says lightly, already handing cash to the shopkeeper.

“Fair enough,” he mutters, stuffing the silly doll deep into the pocket of his jacket as they begin walking away.

“So?” she continues as they stroll down the street. “How are the other guys?”

“Good, mostly. Pretty tired.” 

“And your parents? Your family and everyone?”

“Also good.” He pauses. “My mom asked about you.”

“She did?” Kaya sounds surprised.

“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. “Nothing specific. Just how you were doing and stuff.”

She’s quiet for a moment, hands tucked into her elbows. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Not yet.” Namjoon bites his lip, realising only at this moment, that it’s because he was hoping he wouldn’t have to at all. “Guess I’ll have to, soon enough.”

“Believe it or not, it was hard to tell my mom, too.” She squeezes his forearm sympathetically. “Although, if I’m being honest, the hardest person to break it to was Jae-lin,” she adds.

He snickers. “Really?”

“Yup. And not to pressure you or anything, but she’s expecting some seriously deep music to drop soon.”

His heart jolts uncomfortably. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

When he says no more, he notices Kaya give him a curious sideways glance. “And speaking of my sixteen year old cousin’s obsessions,” she begins, the forced upward lilt in her voice evident, “what about Taehyung and Dilara Komyshan?”

“Oh, who knows with them,” he replies absently, stretching out his neck before looking back down to see her raised eyebrows. “No, they’re dating now. Officially.”

“Wow. Score. For Tae, I mean,” she clarifies.

“I agree. They went on some trip or something recently.”

“Ah, the honeymoon phase,” she says knowingly, shaking her head. “Children.”

“He’s happy now. And I mean too happy,” grumbles Namjoon. “He’s smiling into his phone all the time like an idiot; I swear, he looks high.”

Kaya snorts. “Wow, single people really are bitter.” When he doesn’t respond, she looks up, biting her lip awkwardly. “Too weird?”

He winces theatrically. “A little bit.”

She chuckles. “Sorry.” 

They stop at a traffic light, waiting to cross the street. The sky is dark now, but the area has never looked more lively. Namjoon is suddenly glad he asked her to meet today; the closer Seoul gets to Christmas, the prettier it looks.

Which reminds him.

He glances at her beside him; they’re both standing tilted towards each other, almost automatically. To anyone else, it might look like they’re midway in conversation. 

“By the way,” he begins, shifting to face her. She does the same, her silver hoops catching the light again. Namjoon pauses; there’s a certain science to this, a certain combination of elements that will get him the reaction he wants - or at least the one he’s hoping for.

“Yeah?”

Hands deep in his pockets, he lowers his head slightly to look her in the eyes. Disney princess eyes. His blond hair falls onto his forehead and he gives her a small smile, just enough for a dimple to appear. His gaze drops to her mouth before meeting her eyes again. 

“You look really pretty,” he says, meaning it, hearing his voice low and deep. The flicker in her eyes makes his heart race, but he holds it, waiting for her response. 

“Thanks. You look…” Kaya swallows visibly and her gaze falls, lingering near his chest for a moment. Thank God for the damn turtleneck. Namjoon is almost anxious at how she’ll finish her sentence.

“... really pretty, too.”

“Huh.” He nods. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” She pauses, clearly awkward. “The blond suits you,” she adds, reaching up as if to touch his hair but stopping herself at the last moment.

“Yeah, it’s, uh… the stylists like it,” he replies lamely, running his fingers through his long hair.

“They’re doing a good job, I guess. You’re looking thinner,” she murmurs, her eyes on his chest and shoulders before they dart up to him. “Not in a bad way,” she says quickly. “Or - or a good way. I was just… it was just an observation.” She shakes her head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay,” he says simply, placing a light hand on her back as they cross the road. “I haven’t had a lot of time to hit the gym lately. I’ve lost a bit of muscle mass. What about you?” he asks after a moment, feeling his gaze drop to her hips as she walks a step ahead of him, before averting them with an effort.

She turns around and waits for him to catch up, raising her eyebrows. “Am I losing muscle mass?”

“No, are you… you know. Taking care of yourself and everything,” he clarifies. “Eating well, locking your door… that stuff.”

She laughs without humour. “Remember when I told you I was saving up for that Sean Scully painting? Yeah, that means two whole months of nothing but instant noodles.”

Namjoon stares at her, unamused, until she looks up at him. “Are you serious right now?”

Kaya raises her eyebrows. “Are you? Do you seriously think you get to lecture me on a healthy diet?”

“God, I hate it when you have a point.”

“Which is often,” she says fairly, nudging his shoulder playfully. She looks around then, frowning slightly. “Wait, I thought we were going to your car. How far away did you park it?”

“Not that far, actually. There’s a shorter route through the alleys inside,” he explains. “I just thought you might… feel safer this way. Out in the open.”

He wonders for a moment if he’s made it weird again, for he can’t decipher Kaya’s expression. She licks her lips and looks at the ground, but before he can begin getting anxious about it, she looks up.

“I always feel safe with you,” she says calmly, gesturing for him to start walking again.

As he falls into step beside her, Namjoon feels, for the first time all evening, as though he finally knows what he wants. He sees her hand by her side as she walks, half-covered by the sleeve of her dark striped sweater, her nails painted black. 

He imagines what it would be like to hold it; lightly at first, fingers grazing her palm before linking their fingers together. Holding it tight then, tugging her closer to him, feeling her long hair brush his chest… for a moment, Namjoon feels like crying.

“Wow, I didn’t realise how hungry I was.” 

Kaya breaks him out of his reverie, and he looks up to see her peering at a passing tteokbeoki stall. 

“Do you want to get some?” he asks, although he can’t imagine eating anything right now.

She waves her hand. “No, I’m good. Ji-eun’s making dinner and she’ll kill me if I ruin it.”

“Yeah? What’s she making?”

“Not sure. Something with noodles.”

Namjoon laughs. “Sounds about right. She may have grown up in America but she’s Korean at heart.”

“Completely.” Kaya shivers as a cold wind blows. “And Korean by blood, clearly, because there is no way winters back home were this cold.”

“Yeah, the winds are a bit harsh,” he acknowledges fairly. “Why did you decide to visit in the winter anyway? There’s a reason tourism is at an all-time low this time of the year.”

“Oh… my mom wanted to visit. Said she wanted to spend Christmas with family.”

There’s something off in Kaya’s tone, but Namjoon doesn’t want to pry. Not too blatantly, at least.

“Don’t you usually go to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her?” he asks.

“Yeah.” She nods, falling quiet for a few seconds. “She’s dating this guy,” she blurts out. “And they’ve been going out for a few months and it sounded like everything was fine, but I think - and I’m pretty sure I’m right - that he asked her to spend Christmas with his family. And it freaked her out,” she finishes, breathing slightly heavily.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything for a moment. From the way the words tumbled out of her mouth, it’s clear she’s been waiting to talk about it.

“Is it the dating part?” he asks gently.

“No,” she mumbles, looking at the ground as she steps within the tiles. “My dad’s been gone ten years, you know? I’m glad she’s dating. But when she does things like this, I know it’s because she’s scared. And I just wish she wasn’t.”

He frowns. “Did she actually tell you about him asking her to come over for Christmas?”

She opens her mouth but deflates. “Not exactly,” she admits. “But I know I’m right. The way she sounded, the words she used - she was avoiding talking about it.”

Like mother, like daughter. “Why don’t you just ask her?” he suggests. “You and your mom are close, aren’t you?”

She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I can’t tell her what to do. It’s not up to me to tell her how to move on from her dead husband.”

Namjoon touches her elbow, wishing he could do so much more. “I didn’t say to tell her anything. I said you could ask her. She knows you just want her to be happy, right?”

Kaya swallows, stopping as the parking lot comes into sight. “And then what? We talk about it? Because I’m such an expert on how to be happy?”

There’s a moment of heartbreaking silence before she looks up and blinks. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to dump all this on you.”

He frowns. “It’s okay -“

“No, it’s not. This isn’t your problem anymore, and we don’t -“

“Kaya.” He gives her a look when she stops talking abruptly. “You know, I didn’t intend for… this to mean that we cut each other out of our lives. You can still talk to me,” he says earnestly. He sighs and looks at his feet. “I know there are still things that I can't talk about with anyone but you,” he admits quietly.

He watches her expression change from confusion to curiosity, and then to a kind of concern. Her shoulder makes a movement and he wonders wildly, hopefully, if she meant to reach for him.

“Like what?” she asks softly.

Now that she’s asked, the words seem impossible to say. Namjoon looks down at his hands, feeling months worth of anxiety creep in again.

“I think I’m losing my touch,” he says finally, still not looking up at her. “With songwriting, producing… everything. I’m not… I can’t…” He trails off, wincing in irritation as he struggles to recall English words for his exact emotions. “I can’t write anymore. And the more I can’t… the more I have no idea who I am anymore.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees Kaya watching him closely, her forehead in a frown. “Why?”

“I don’t know. The words just aren’t coming. The music… I can’t hear it in my head the same -“

“No, I meant,” she interrupts him, and gives him an apologetic look when he meets her eyes again. “I meant… why don’t you know who you are anymore?”

“Because if I’m in the studio for hours and hours and I can’t actually… produce anything, or create anything, then what the hell am I doing in there?” If I’m in the studio for hours and hours, what does it all matter if I don’t have you?

“Joon…” She takes a step closer to him. “You’re… it’s recency bias. You’ve been producing great stuff all year. Didn’t BTS just win, like, five awards at the MAMAs?”

“Yeah, but not for anything I wrote,” he counters immediately. “And that’s fine. We always win for the popular hits, and that’s fine with me. I just… I can’t write anymore,” he says in a small voice. “The words aren’t coming.”

Her eyes flicker, as though searching for the right words. He knows it’s far out of left field for her, that a lot of his work is something she can’t contribute a lot to, choosing to primarily listen. 

“Well…” She sounds a bit uncertain. “What did you write about before?”

He shrugs, looking away. “Just stuff. Things that made me happy, things that made me sad.”

“And you don’t have those things anymore?”

Namjoon doesn’t know how much clearer he can make it without risking losing even the last remaining fragments of her in his life. “Not the ones that make me happy,” he states, meeting her gaze.

Somewhere, a Christmas carol begins on a loudspeaker, sleigh bells in the background. Bright lights flicker on, jerking them out of their conversation.

Kaya takes a step back, exhaling shakily. “It’s getting colder,” she mutters. “Is that your car?” she asks, tilting her head towards something behind him. Before he can answer, she begins walking over.

Namjoon follows her slowly, knowing their conversation is over. He waits until he’s a few feet away from the car to open it. She doesn’t enter immediately, though; looking up at him from across the bonnet of his Mercedes, she gives him a small, sad sort of smile.

“I’m glad you messaged me yesterday,” she says softly.

“So am I.” He swallows, his heart sinking at the realisation that their evening is at an end, whether he wants it to be or not. “Come on. Let’s get you home before Jieun kills you.”

—

“And he crosses the finish line,” murmurs Kaya in humour as Namjoon slowly pulls into Jieun’s driveway before stopping the car. There’s teasing in her tone, but also a hint of pride, for he really has come a long way since she’d first started teaching him how to drive two years ago.

He doesn’t look at her, though, choosing to stare out of the windshield with a pensive look on his face - the same one he’s had for the entire drive.

Kaya deflates slightly. “Thanks for the ride.”

“How could I have let you go?” 

It’s a whisper, but on a quiet street and inside a crowded car, it feels like he’s shouted it from the rooftops. Kaya says nothing, choosing to stare at her lap instead, for she isn’t altogether surprised. The way he’d begun looking at her as the evening progressed, eyes softer and warmer with each minute, some of the things he’d said; the poet in him might have thought he was being subtle, but Kaya knew him well enough to know where his mind was at.

Namjoon, meanwhile, is still in the midst of his crisis. “How - how could I have thought that was the right decision? How could you have let me?”

She bristles. “What?”

“No, I’m - I’m not… I’m not actually blaming you,” he stutters, glancing briefly at her, as though just remembering he’s not alone. “I just can’t believe…” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “God, I fucked up.”

When she’d gotten the call three months ago, her first emotion had been surprise. It had been a long time since Namjoon had called her, despite his best efforts to. Their conversations had turned terse and short, with more passive aggressive statements going back and forth than actual talk about their lives. 

It had been a busy day and Kaya already had a lot on her mind, so when he’d broken up with her with barely any warning during a busy evening on campus, she’d been furious. Not at first; no, at first she’d been confused, then in denial, then in class, then busy - very busy - until something had finally forced her to face the fact that she’d been dumped over the phone by the love of her life.

He’d said many things, the first being that he loved her. He missed her, cared about her, and hated being a dick to her - so he wasn’t going to do it anymore. Throughout, through all the sadness and heartbreak, her anger at how he’d deliberately chosen a Wednesday evening in Amsterdam time to break up with her was the worst, because he’d more or less ensured that she wouldn’t be able to argue back.

I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it otherwise.

It’s probably true, and Kaya remembers being annoyed by it even a couple of hours ago. Now, though, surprisingly, she finds herself wanting to comfort him.

“Namjoon -”

“No, you know what?” He interrupts her. “I know I was wrong. I know I was too busy and I wasn’t making the time, and I was taking out my stress on you, but -” He shakes his head, and she realises he’s glaring at her. “You weren’t being honest about what was really bothering you.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I - what?”

He gives her a look, indicating he isn’t fooled. “You know what I’m talking about, Kaya.”

“No, I don’t. And… we don’t need to talk about this,” she mutters hurriedly, unbuckling her seatbelt when he grabs her wrist.

“Wait, come on,” he says quickly, stopping her. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to start a fight. Or maybe I am,” he says after a moment. “If that’s what it’ll take to finally talk about this.”

Kaya hesitates. “You talk about this stuff when you’re together,” she reminds him in a low voice. “And we’re not together.”

“I know.” He gives her a long look, almost pleading, before speaking again, slower and more deliberate. “I’m saying… I want to talk about it.”

“Fine,” she says finally, sitting back in her seat. “Go ahead.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Me?”

“Yes. You’re the one who wants to talk about it.”

“No, I want you to admit what was really bothering you,” he corrects her, giving her a knowing look.

She frowns, puzzled, even as her heart begins to race uncomfortably. “What are you talking about? We were apart, there was distance… wasn’t that the whole problem?”

“That’s a pretty macro way to look at it.” When she gives him a look, he nods, satisfied. “That’s right. I didn’t date an Economics research student for a year and half and not learn a few words along the way.”

Kaya’s mouth twists as she tries to suppress a smile. “No way. You’re not allowed to make me laugh right now.” When he raises his hands in apology and gestures for her to continue, his dimple still faintly visible, she sighs. “Fine. It was… it felt like it was waiting for the other shoe to drop, okay? Long distance is always hard, and we made it last for a really long time.” She shakes her head forlornly. “It was like watching a tornado approach. I guess I just wanted to spare myself the pain of a long, gruesome… demise of a relationship.” 

Namjoon folds his arms across his chest. “You’re lying.”

Her eyes widen. “What? What are you - how dare you -”

“Kaya, don’t fuck with me, alright? I can read between the lines - I basically already know what it is, so why don’t you just admit it?”

“I am,” she exclaims defiantly. “I was afraid, we weren’t talking, we were drifting apart - what else is there?”

“Why were you afraid?”

“Why is anyone ever afraid in a relationship, Namjoon?”

“No, why were you afraid - and why did it come up only when I started working on my collabs?”

“Because I was afraid you were going to cheat on me!” Kaya huffs and sinks back into her seat, glaring out the window as she feels the corners of her eyes prickling at the memory. 

Neither of them speaks for a few moments. It feels like the invisible wall that’s existed between them all evening has finally been broken down, wrecking ball and all, to leave a pile of cold, hard truths.

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asks finally. He doesn’t sound satisfied; on the contrary, he sounds almost disappointed. It breaks her heart just a little.

“Because it’s humiliating to admit that,” she mutters, still not looking at him. “Because if there was one thing that made us work, it was that neither of us was clingy. But if I started acting insecure just because you were suddenly working long hours with beautiful women, then -” She shrugs, feeling ridiculous. “I was officially a clingy girlfriend.”

“Clingy? Kaya, you’re as far from clingy as a partner can be. We both are - we work crazy hours, we’ve gone days without talking and it never mattered. I could never think you’re a clingy girlfriend. And I would never cheat on you,” he adds firmly. 

Something settles in Kaya’s chest. “You know, that’s all I needed to hear?” she says, finally looking up at him. He looks almost wounded, his blond bangs thick and falling onto his forehead. “I didn’t actually think you would go ahead and - and have an affair or anything. I just needed that reassurance - I would’ve believed you in a second. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I wasn’t sure – but I suspected it. And honestly, I was a little insulted,” he adds sullenly, “because I didn’t think I’d ever given you a reason to doubt me.”

The truth of that statement is too painful, enough to make Kaya fall silent. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs abashedly. “I was too proud to say it. It’s just… these things happen. When there’s distance and stress and - and then there’s physical distance… it’s not outlandish to think something could happen. I don’t know how it works with celebrities,” she adds, shrugging heavily. “I just know I see a different story on Just Jared every other day and… well, we’ve already established that I was afraid,” she finishes, not knowing what else to say. “I was being crazy.”

She can feel Namjoon’s gaze on her, but she doesn’t look up until he sighs and touches her hand.

“You weren’t being crazy. I mean, I thought you were,” he amends, giving her a momentary smile, “but… okay, after we broke up, I was in the studio with Sunmi, right? And I must have looked like hell because she asked me if I’d had a fight with my girlfriend. It was too hard to correct her, so I - I didn’t,” he admits, wincing slightly.

“Anyway… then, out of the blue, she told me she had a boyfriend. And then a minute after that, she told me wasn’t bragging, but she was making it clear that nothing could happen between us. And then I was, like, what? and she said that in her experience, whenever two people had problems with their partners, they ended up hooking up. And she had no intention of doing so with me while we were both in committed relationships,” he finishes, shaking his head a bit. “So, no. You weren’t crazy.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Kaya picks at a loose thread on her black jeans. It’s cathartic for all this to finally come out, but she can’t help but feel as though it’s only given their separation a kind of finality. Now that you’ve talked about it, you can move on in peace.

“I really missed you,” she murmurs, not looking at him. “And it felt like you didn’t, not as much. It seemed like the first time we weren’t in sync, you know?” She shrugs, her throat starting to tighten. “It scared me.”

“Kaya, you have no idea how much I missed you,” says Namjoon heavily. He doesn’t say the next bit, but it seems like a logical completion.

“God. Imagine if we’d just had this conversation back then,” he laments, running a tired hand through his hair. 

“Yeah. You can cut yourself some slack, though,” she adds, glancing up at him meekly. “We both fucked up.”

Namjoon nods, giving her that same longing look that he’d begun when they’d entered Santa’s Village in Gangnam, before looking away. 

“Have you… you know. Moved on?” he ventures, giving her a sideways glance.

She shrugs. “Define moved on.”

“You know. Are you - are you dating anyone?”

Am I ever. “Well,” she begins, taking note of how his shoulders stiffen next to her, “there was this grad student who tried to kiss me in the library, after which I ran away and cried for half an hour in the girls’ bathroom.” She raises her eyebrows. “Does that count?”

Namjoon’s head darts around to look at her. “He did what? Are you okay? Are you - did he hurt you?”

“What? No, no - it wasn’t like that,” she says immediately, shaking her head. “It was the day after you broke up with me and I hadn’t quite had the time to… deal with it yet,” she explains, giving him a reproachful look. “And I guess I’d mentioned sometime offhandedly that I was single, which he seemed to take as permission to try something and… then I told him to get lost.”

Dude, I have a boyfriend! had been her exact words to him, once she’d pushed him away and wiped her mouth in horror. 

No, you don’t! he’d retorted, a lanky, brown-haired guy with glasses, sounding more confused than anything. 

It had taken someone else to yell it at her for it to sink in, deeply, hurtfully, all the way down at the bottom of her stomach that she, indeed, did not have a boyfriend anymore, that Kim Namjoon was no longer hers - and everyone knew it.

“Why - why did you cry?” Namjoon asks, a note of concern audible.

“Because it felt weird, kissing someone else,” she admits, unable to look at him. “Felt wrong. Like I was cheating on you. What about you?” she asks after a moment. “Have you moved on?”

Namjoon gives her a look. “Does it look like I’ve moved on?”

“Uh-uh. This is not a topic where you can give me a cryptic answer like that.”

He sighs hugely. “No, Kaya, I haven’t,” he clarifies, almost indulgently. “It’s going to take a lot more than three months to move on from you.”

She tries to ignore how her heart zooms at his words, but it’s impossible. Clenching her jaw to keep from smiling, she takes a deep breath. “Wow, we were really late having this conversation,” she echoes his previous remark.

There’s a pregnant pause, with a world of possibilities visible in a single second.

“It doesn’t have to be,” murmurs Namjoon, and the hope in his voice makes her heart skip a beat. He waits for her to look at her. “What do you think? Can we give this another shot, baby?”

Screw you, Kim Namjoon. Kaya hates and loves in equal measure just how well he knows the right words to say to her. Her stomach flutters - butterflies, probably - while a warmth seems to course through her entire body, down to the tips of her fingers.

His face is inches away from hers. In the darkness of the car, with only the Christmas lights from Jieun’s house being the lone bright spot, and she tries to recall the last time he’d ever kissed her.

“I think…” She trails off, unable to think straight with how intensely he’s watching her. She tries again. “I think… I can’t have this conversation with that creepy doll staring at me.”

When Namjoon glances in confusion at the Taehyung doll they’d propped up on the dashboard before they’d begun driving, Kaya uses the opportunity to open her car door and step out. She hears him chuckle before following suit, and goes around the front of the car to join him by the driver’s side where he’s leaning against the door.

“Told you it was a creepy-ass doll.”

“And you were right.” Kaya stops in front of him and almost wishes she’d risked staying inside with the stupid doll. Tall and broad-shouldered, he suddenly takes her breath away. Maybe it’s the black turtleneck and grey jacket combination, maybe it’s the blond hair falling into his eyes and brushing the top of his collar, maybe it’s the familiar, woodsy cologne that she’s only noticed now that they’re out of the car. Either way, she can’t speak for a moment.

“So?” He raises his eyebrows, looking earnest and hopeful and heartbreakingly handsome all at once. “Do you think we can try this again?”

She shivers. “I…” It’s getting harder to breathe, and not just because of how he looks. This is so much more complicated than he’s making it sound. “I think.. we should sleep on it.”

Namjoon raises his eyebrows, apparently processing her answer.

She tries not to hurry her next words. “Look, I know we got all our issues out right now, but… our problems, they’re not going to go away. It’s still going to be the long distance thing, we’ll still have rough patches because of work… and I don’t think I can go through this break-up again.”

He frowns at the ground. “Why do you think we’ll break up again?” he asks, and she can tell he’s working to keep his tone neutral.

“Because making up this time isn’t going to last,” she says softly. He drags his gaze to look up at her then, and she can tell that he knows she’s right. “I just think… I think if we’re going to think about getting back together, we need to have some kind of view on - on what’s going to happen.” She swallows, wondering if he’s caught on to her hesitance to say the word. “Our situation… there’s a lot to think about. And I’m not just talking about the long distance.”

After what feels like an eternity, he nods. “That’s fair,” he says, but she thinks she can sense an undertone of disappointment. “It was just easy to forget, you know?” He shrugs and drops his gaze.

“I know.” And she did. She’d been starting to forget as well; it was too natural to fall into old habits. The way he’d rescued her from the guys at the ATM, the way she’d offered him the chocolate candy that came with her coffee without thinking, how he’d pulled her behind him when he thought he’d noticed someone pointing their phone at him; each of those moments had felt like déjà vu, except totally and completely real.

“That’s what made us kind of great,” she points out after a moment, wrapping her jacket tightly around her. “We always kept each other grounded.”

“So we’re sleeping on it?” Namjoon asks after a moment, looking up.

Kaya nods. “Yeah. Just so we’re sure.”

“I’m leaving for Ilsan tomorrow,” he reminds her.

“Good. That gives us a deadline.” 

“Right.” Namjoon exhales. “I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.” He turns to open the door behind him when something grips at her heart.

“Wait, um -“ She breaks off, turning to glance at the house for a moment. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

As expected, he shakes his head. “Oh, I - I couldn’t. But thanks.”

“I’m serious. Jieun always makes a ton of food.”

“Yeah, but…” Namjoon looks unsure. “I don’t think I’ll be welcome, right? Your ex-boyfriend… having dinner with your family?”

Kaya has never hated that word more, but she rallies. “I’m inviting you,” she points out. “And no one is going to make you feel unwelcome, I promise. They all love you. Please?” she appeals again. “I… I don’t want the evening to be over just yet.”

That seems to do the trick. Namjoon tilts his head the same way he always does when he wants to give her something but is prevented from it. “I - are you sure? You’re really close with your aunt. And your cousin.”

“Jieun’s always liked you. And believe me, with Jae-lin there, I’ll only be the second happiest person in that house if you join,” she informs him, rolling her eyes. He chuckles and her heart flutters at the sight of his dimple. “My mom’s inside. You should say hi.”

After a moment, he nods. “Okay. Let’s go,” he says, taking a step towards her, his hand gently hovering over her back as they make their way to the house. “I really do think you should ask Jieun, though. Just in case.”

“Jesus, don’t worry…”

“No, but what if she actually says no…”

—

Jieun doesn’t say no. In fact, Kaya’s aunt, more like a sister to her than her actual cousin sister, seems only mildly surprised but tells him he’s welcome. Her husband Jack seems not to notice anything strange at all, while Jae-lin seems absolutely thrilled that Namjoon is back.

“Oh, no, not - not exactly,” Kaya had said when Jae-lin had asked, point blank, if they were back together. There had been no further explanation, and her cousin had been enlisted to set the table and minimise the awkwardness.

“Sorry,” she’d muttered to Namjoon as they reached the dining table, looking up to see him both relieved and amused.

“Don’t worry about it,” he’d replied softly, reaching out behind her to pull out a chair and taking the one next to her. All through dinner, it felt as though nothing had changed, really. Jieun seemed to be enjoying some private joke as she watched them, sharing knowing looks with Kaya’s mother across the table, while Jae-line monopolised Namjoon completely, chattering away in Korean with no attention to anyone else.

Namjoon, ever the gentleman, engaged her fully; there wasn’t a moment where he tried to stop the conversation, his arm on the back of Kaya’s chair the entire time. Kaya stayed in conversation with Jack and her mother as much as she could, hoping that they wouldn’t allude to the situation at all.

Meeting her mother’s gaze was the hardest - not because Kaya was afraid she would disapprove, but because of how openly happy she looked. 

“Mom, we’re not back together yet,” she’d murmured halfway through dinner, when her mother had given her yet another glowing, knowing, mom look.

“I know,” she’d replied, glancing at Namjoon over Kaya’s shoulder, “but you want to be.”

Did she? Kaya didn’t know. She was sure what she felt for him, even what he possibly felt for her. She knew they were happy with each other, understood each other, had an unimaginable amount of affection for each other. 

But she didn’t know if she could do this again. As she sat next to Namjoon, feeling their shoulders brush occasionally and hearing his deep laugh next to her, she knew that “sleeping on it” would be far easier said than done.

“Thank you for dinner,” he says an hour later, bowing slightly to Jieun, Jack and her mother. “I had a great time.”

“I’ll walk you out,” says Kaya quickly, already turning towards the door, when Jae-lin pipes up.

“Oh, I’ll come, too!” she volunteers excitedly in English, and before anyone can say anything, sweeps by them and opens the front door. 

A moment of silence follows before Namjoon speaks. “Sure, lead the way,” he says, smiling at her and squeezing Kaya’s hand apologetically. It’s the only thing that keeps Kaya from saying anything, even as the three of them exit the house into the cold night.

She trails behind them, arms folded across her chest, as she listens to them converse in Korean again. For all she knows, Jae-lin has just resumed their conversation from dinner, the words blending into each other for Kaya. With Korean-American parents, Jae-lin speaks both Korean and English with ease. Right now, though, Kaya wishes she would just stop speaking.

“Wow, what a sexy car,” says Jae-lin in wonder, running her hand on the smooth metal of the bonnet. She looks up to see Kaya glaring at her with a hand on her hip. “What?” she asks defensively. “We all use that word, unnie.”

Kaya stares at her. “Hey, Jae? Can you give us a minute?”

Jae-lin’s eyes flit between her cousin and Namjoon before they widen suddenly, as though she’s just realising she might be interrupting. “Oh! Yes, of course! I - uh, good night, Namjoon oppa,” she adds hastily and hurries away. 

Kaya watches her until she enters the house before turning around to face Namjoon. “God, what a nightmare,” she mutters, rolling her eyes when he guffaws. “Shut up.”

“You shut up. You love her,” he says easily, still grinning.

“And you’re a saint.”

“Yeah, because you love her.” He leans back against his car again, the same way he was before. “And not to take a leaf out of Jae-lin’s book, but you looked really sexy being all strict with her.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, feeling an old, familiar stirring in her abdomen. “Really?”

His smile gets wider. “Uh-huh.”

“I guess it’s a good quality for someone who’s working to be a professor one day.”

“Uh-uh. With a bunch of horny college students? They aren’t going to hear a word you say if you look at them like that,” he argues, taking a step closer to her.

The stirring passes from her abdomen to between her legs in an instant. “Okay, no. No flirting tonight,” she mutters, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him away. “Not when we’re in this… limbo.”

His jaw drops teasingly. “No flirting at all?”

“No. It’s supposed to be a serious night, to think. With the… thinking. And stuff.”

“Good call on those three glasses of wine during dinner.”

She sighs and drops her head in her hands. “I was nervous. But I’m okay, really,” she insists honestly, straightening up as he gently pries her hands away from her face.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything, just smiles at her fondly, his hands in the pockets of his jacket. It tugs at her heart, how transparent he’s being with his feelings. She’d seen it earlier in the evening, too, when they’d been navigating the market square to locate his car.

They’d stopped to open the map on his phone and Kaya had moved closer to him to be able to see the screen. All of a sudden, she’d heard him say something in Korean and looked up to see him smiling at an older couple who were walking away. Just before they disappeared from sight, the man had caught her eye and pointed upward. Slightly confused, she’d tilted her head up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the wooden structure of the pop-up stall next to them.

Namjoon hadn’t said anything then either, choosing to simply suppress a smile and look somewhere near her shoulder, leaving the ball in her court. His you look pretty stunt was still burnt in her mind, though, so without too much thought, she’d reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek before continuing walking.

It’s the same look now, the one where he seems to be on the verge of throwing caution to the wind. But she knows him too well, enough to know that caution is something he doesn’t play around with.

“Kaya…”

“Sleep on it,” she interrupts softly. “Seriously. It’ll be better.”

He looks for a moment as though he’s about to argue but at the last second simply nods. “Your hair’s longer,” he comments, fingering the ends of her loose, dark hair.

“Yeah. I’ll have to cut it soon.”

“Don’t. It’s beautiful.”

Kaya sighs. “Joon, you’re making this really hard,” she complains softly, her gaze dropping to his chest. She imagines him pulling her into it, feeling the hug she’s needed for months now.

“Sorry.” He swallows, just as a tune begins playing. His eyes light up in surprise. “Wait, do you know this song?”

“Uh… no,” she answers, frowning at the unfamiliar melody. It sounds like it’s coming from Jieun’s bedroom, but she can neither recall nor understand the lyrics. “Do you?”

“Yeah,” he says immediately, glancing up at the same window. “It’s pretty popular. It came out a long time ago, though. Like, when I was a baby.”

“Huh.” She listens for a few seconds. “Very Phil Collins,” she remarks.

Namjoon bites his lips and smiles, the dimple popping gorgeously. “You know what this reminds me of?”

Kaya grins despite herself. “Let me guess,” she begins deliberately as she lets him take her hand. “London?”

He chuckles, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Hey, I can’t help it if London has so many good memories,” he reasons, his feet already moving in a rough rhythm. 

She laughs but doesn’t argue, choosing to enjoy how he feels against her for a few precious minutes - quite possibly the last few minutes that she’ll ever feel it. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment before opening them, only to see a light over his shoulder.

“Oh, God. Can we not do this where the neighbour can see us from his bathroom?” she groans, starting to step away., 

Namjoon tugs her even closer. “No one’s watching us. It’s Christmas Eve; they have better things to do.”

“Actually, it’s Christmas Eve-Eve and - okay, we’re in direct eyeline of the main road. Namjoon, what if someone sees you - oh, my God!”

Kaya’s feet leave the ground all of a sudden and after two large strides, Namjoon places her back down on the ground, arm firm around her. She bursts into giggles, stifling them against his shoulder as she regains her balance, looking up to see them under the tree in Jieun’s front yard, the fairy lights giving them a warm glow.

“Is that better?” he asks, laughing.

“Much better,” she agrees, feeling her heart expand as she moves right up against him, holding his shoulder and pressing a kiss to his collarbone as the song continues playing.

“Good,” he murmurs, his lips at her hair. 

It isn’t a long song; Kaya’s just about registering how good he feels, how familiar, how safe, when the music fades away. They don’t step away from each other, though. She rests her forehead on his shoulder, hoping another song will play - anything to keep this moment going on a bit longer.

It doesn’t, but they still don’t move. She can feel Namjoon’s heartbeat against her hand, the one he’s clasping against his chest. 

“Do you still love me?” he asks quietly.

Just like yesterday when he’d texted unexpectedly, taking the initial step, displaying the first hints of vulnerability, Kaya feels every strip of remaining defensiveness fall away, leaving nothing but raw honesty behind. 

“Yes,” she admits, softly but clearly.

Namjoon’s arm tightens around her. “Can I kiss you?”

Her heart leaps. “Can you check if Jae-lin is still here?”

He snickers but she can feel his head tilt up. “No, she’s gone.”

“Then, yes,” she answers immediately, finally separating from him. Namjoon looks as though the sun’s come out; he exhales purposefully, his gaze falling from her eyes to her mouth. Gently moving her hair away from her face, he pulls her closer and, after more than half a year of doubt, anxiety and sadness, he kisses her.

The first time he’d ever kissed her was sweetness; sunny, warm and inviting. The next few times were flirty, sensual, teasing, followed by sexy, loving, affectionate - whatever the situation demanded. Namjoon was a hell of a kisser, his lips and body always moving in tandem, and he made her feel whatever the moment desired, every single time.

Right now, it’s a multitude of things. Kaya can’t even begin to identify it; she’s barely made it past the fact that she’s kissing him again, finally, feeling his lips and his hair and his hands on her. There are too many things in the kiss, but there’s only one thing clear in her mind: please don’t let this be goodbye.

It’s a vain hope because it may very well be, and she pulls him closer by the lapels of his jacket when she thinks it, trying somewhere in the desperation of their passion to remember that at least now, if they end everything right here, she’ll remember their last kiss.

Namjoon’s holding her close, so close. His lips are soft but firm, and the kiss sinking. When they finally pull away, staying right there, foreheads touching and his hand still in her hair, Kaya feels his heartbeat again. It’s under her palm, racing unevenly, but so strong.

This can’t be goodbye, she thinks again, even though every passing second makes it more and more clear that it probably is. It had been her suggestion to think it over and to consider more than just love, but in this moment, she regrets it immensely, for while Namjoon can be sweet and loving and romantic, nothing makes as much sense to him as pure, rational thinking. 

It was one of the most attractive qualities about him; he was an artist, had an artist’s vision and temperament, but still held logic and reasoning in high regard. To a research student who worked with numbers, data and science, he was the perfect combination of everything she wanted in a man.

Despite that, Kaya wishes she’d never said anything. Eyes squeezed shut, she can’t believe this might be the last time, the last everything. She feels him take a deep breath before he kisses her forehead.

And just like that, she knows she’s made a mistake.

“Goodnight, Kaya,” he whispers against her skin. He pulls away and smooths down her hair. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

There’s nothing left to do but nod silently, and watch him drive away into the cold.

—

A faint buzzing wakes her up.

“Fuck,” whispers Kaya, feeling around on her bedside table for her phone. Squinting at the screen, she pauses in confusion. When the ringing continues, she answers before she wakes her mother sleeping next to her.

“Hello?”

“Hey.” Namjoon sounds far more awake than her. “Sorry, I think I woke you.”

“Good guess,” she mutters thickly, sitting up into a slightly more comfortable position. “What’s up? Is - is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” There’s a pause where she can hear the smile in his voice. “I forgot how adorable you sound when you’re sleepy.”

Despite how her heart skips a beat, she frowns. “Seriously? You woke me up at the break of dawn to flirt with me?”

He chuckles, low and pleasant. “No. I was hoping we could talk. In person,” he clarifies after a moment.

“I - well… I don’t think I’ll get a cab for a couple more hours at least.”

“Mhm, mhm. It’s a good thing I’m outside Jieun’s house, then.”

Kaya’s eyes snap open. “You’re - what?” She peers out of the gap between the curtains in the guest room. “Babe, it’s six am - the sun isn’t even up yet,” she groans, a second before she inwardly cringes and hopes he’ll let her slip of the tongue go without comment.

“I - I know. But I’ve been thinking about this all night. You asked me to sleep on it - and that’s what I did. I thought about it, looked back on everything, even had a drink to clear my head.”

“So you did everything but sleep on it.”

Namjoon sighs. “I’m sorry, I just… I have to leave in a few hours. And I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.”

His tone seems to imply not wholly good news. She swallows, her heart already sinking. “And it can’t wait?” She drops her head into her hand. “I think those three glasses of wine are finally hitting me.”

“I have coffee,” he offers. “And the fresh air should help.”

Irrefutable logic. The smell of caffeine seems to spur her decision and she rolls her eyes. “Fine. Thank God you’re not my leader.”

He laughs. “I’m waiting outside,” he says before hanging up.

There’s no scope to pretty herself for this. Kaya manages to stumble to the bathroom and brush her teeth, after which it’s layer upon layer until she deems herself sufficiently padded for a December morning in Seoul at dawn. She doesn’t want to risk waking anyone up, so simply drops her mother a text: I’m fine. Just went outside for a walk with Namjoon. 

“Hey, beautiful,” he greets her when she steps out, pursing his lips when she momentarily freezes. “Here you go,” he says, handing her a cup of coffee.

“Thanks. I needed this.” She takes the first sip, hot enough to scald her throat, and shivers in the frosty air. They begin walking down the street, the same one they’d driven up last night, with hundreds of unspoken words between them. Now, with all of them uttered and confessed, the air seems clearer and sky seems lighter, a nice indigo over the Christmas lights put up through the lane.

“Thank you for having me over last night,” he says. “I was planning on going home and ordering in, so home-cooked food was kind of amazing.”

“Well, you definitely paid Jieun back in kind, by keeping her daughter entertained all night,” she reminds him, still annoyed by how gushy Jae-lin had been last night. She’d always been a fan, since years before Kaya and Namjoon had ever met, and even though she’d somehow managed to get used to the fact that they were dating, her outward behaviour still needed some restraining sometimes.

Namjoon laughs. “I didn’t mind.” He’s dressed in sweatpants and a grey hoodie, with a black leather jacket thrown hurriedly over it. Looking at him, it’s as though he’d rushed out the door to meet with her.

They reach the neighbourhood park, empty as expected. It seems to be the only area in the entire neighbourhood that isn’t decorated; at this time of the morning, it looks strangely eerie.

“This should work,” mutters Namjoon, stepping inside and heading towards the swings, sitting on one edge of a two-person swing. Kaya trails after him silently, stopping a few steps away as he adjusts his position and looks up at her.

It’s gorgeous, his small smile. “Sit with me?” he asks. “I always loved going to the park as a kid. My parents would get happy because it meant I was taking a break from studying.” He chuckles.

Kaya doesn’t move. Dropping her gaze to the cup in her hand, she traces the mouth of the lid with her finger. “What’s happening right now, Namjoon? Is this us taking another risk together or… just an amicable way to say goodbye?”

Namjoon’s smile fades slightly. “Sit with me?” he repeats, sounding more sombre this time. “I’ll explain everything.”

Hesitating for a moment, Kaya joins him on the swing. Their shoulders brush, and she tucks her hair behind her ear before placing both hands around her cup like a safety tool, savouring the heat from it.

He takes a deep breath. “I thought about it,” he says finally. “In fact, I’ve been thinking about it all night. And if you ask me right now if I want to get back together… the answer is yes. It’s just yes,” he says earnestly, meeting her eyes. “I don’t have to think about it. I - I want you,” he admits. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you in my life.”

I want you. The words should be enough for her to break into song, but instead Kaya’s chest constricts, as though her heart is bracing itself for the bad news.

“But if you’re asking me about a decision,” he continues, looking away now. “If you’re asking me about a long-term plan for our future - which is a fair ask, by the way,” he inserts quickly, glancing up briefly, “I - you know, it turns out I’ve been thinking about this for a while? I didn’t realise it, but it’s always been there at the back of my mind.”

Kaya doesn’t say anything. There’s a sense of foreboding in his words and she wonders all of a sudden if it isn’t just better to have a break-up over the phone.

“Given my job,” he says slowly, sounding like he’s choosing his words carefully, “given the industry, given my family… the fact that I’ll have to enlist in the military in a few years -” He breaks off momentarily and clears his throat, while her heart clenches. “Given all that, I think it would be impossible - and irresponsible - of me to promise you a future that I don’t know if I’ll be able to give you.”

“But I can promise you,” he says after a moment, and she knows he’s tilting his head to try and meet her eyes, “that every decision I take, every plan that I make… all of that will be done keeping this future in mind. The one with you in it.”

She frowns, finally looking up at him. “Are you sure?” she asks, and she hopes he understands what she’s asking.

He seems to. “Yeah, I am. I can’t… not have you in my future. If I look down ten years, fifteen years, twenty… I just can’t picture a future without you in it.”

Kaya doesn’t know what to say. They’ve just ventured into territory she wasn’t expecting. It’s not commitment. It’s not even a plan. It’s just a promise of intent, and she has no choice but to take him at his word.

He brushes her knee with the back of his hand. “Kaya?”

She bites her lip. “This… future,” she ventures, finding it strange even saying the word. “If you had it your way… what does it look like?”

Namjoon seems to consider this. “White picket fence,” he says, nodding. “And a backyard, definitely.”

Without meaning to, Kaya feels her face break into a smile. “Really?”

“Yeah. And, uh… one of those small bars in the house, with a countertop and the mixer things,” he adds, using an imaginary shaker. “A suburban house… late night drinks, where we talk about how our day was.” He looks down at her and smirks playfully. “Meeting for quickies in the studio during lunch?”

Kaya laughs. “Of course, I’m sure,” she says sarcastically, secretly unable to wait for more. “What else?”

“Um…” He squints up at the lightening sky, trying to think. “Museum dates on the weekends… Learning how to use a lawnmower.”

“I’m sorry,” she says softly, reaching up to touch his bangs, her heart full, “but there is no future in which I’m ever letting you near a lawnmower.”

Namjoon snorts. “Fair enough. What about… oh, a home gym, for sure.” The smile fades a bit, and he gets a slightly faraway look in his eyes. “An SUV… big enough to fit multiple people.” He meets her eyes. “Four bedrooms. At least.”

She swallows, her heart pounding. The prickling in her eyes is back and she stares at her lap, hoping it’ll go away. “Are you really serious right now?” she asks quietly, hearing the tremble in her voice.

“Completely,” he promises. “I know it’s not what you asked, and I’m sorry I can’t give that to you. But it’s the best I can do. Is it… is it enough for you?”

After what feels like an eternity, but is really only a few seconds, Kaya nods. “Yes,” she answers, watching the relief flood through his face. “It’s enough for me.” 

When Namjoon says nothing and simply exhales shakily, she tilts her head. “Do you still love me?” she asks him, unable to keep the teasing out of her tone.

He gives a raspy sort of chuckle, pulling her to him and kissing her temple. “You’re the love of my life, baby.”

This would be the time to break into song, but Kaya reins it in, choosing instead to close her eyes and press her lips to his jaw, savouring that Kim Namjoon is, once again, hers - possibly for a long, long time.

“You know I spent, like, an hour yesterday picking out my outfit,” she murmurs after a moment, waiting for him to hum against her hair. “Should I get mad at you now or later for choosing to confess your undying love for me when I’m in a college sweatshirt and Jieun’s Uggs?”

He laughs, the deep sound making her heart flutter. “If it helps, I realised my undying love for you yesterday, while you were in your sexy outfit.” He tugs her closer by the waist and kisses her on the mouth.

Kaya makes a sound of surprise but doesn’t pull away. She holds his face to hers, running her hand through his hair, his thick blond strands as he gently coaxes her mouth open. There’s only so much room on the swing, though, and after about a minute of renewed passion, Kaya feels it sway dangerously under her. She’s just about to pull away when Namjoon sucks on her lower lip, a low groan accompanying it, and squeezes her waist - and she falls.

“Shit,” he mutters, taking a second to understand what just happened. “Are you okay?” he asks, snickering and bending to give her a hand. His dimple appears on his left cheek, brighter than the sunrise.

“What better way to resume our relationship, right?” she mutters dryly, taking his hand and dusting herself off. “The sun’s coming up, anyway - you don’t want to get caught making out with someone in a children’s park.”

“What kid comes to the park at seven in the morning?” he argues, tugging her closer by the waist again. “It’s the perfect place to make out with my girlfriend, if you think about it.”

She’s about to differ, but he kisses her on the cheek then before trailing his lips down her jaw and towards her neck. She sighs, her eyes fluttering shut on their own. He leaves for Ilsan in a few hours; if there was ever a time to risk making out in a public place, this is it.

“Fine, come here,” she instructs, stepping away and ignoring his protests, pulling him towards the corner of the park. She stops just beyond the jungle gyms, near the wall bordering the park and under a canopy of trees. “This will do,” she says approvingly, grinning when he wordlessly kisses her again.

Here, with the protection of the trees from prying eyes, Kaya allows herself to be taken by him completely. It’s the same urgent passion, but less desperate and more affectionate. Museum dates, late night drinks and an SUV, she thinks, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeper. He knew the right things to say and she hopes with all her heart that they make it to the future he’s envisioning.

“Mm, Joon, your hands are cold,” she complains against his lips, giggling as he slips them under her t-shirt. 

“They are, huh?” he murmurs, low and deep, nipping at her lip and backing her against the wall.

“Fucking freezing,” she adds, sighing when they disappear from against her skin. “Can we go back to my - oh, wait,” she remembers, leaning her head back against the wall. “This isn’t Amsterdam and I don’t have an apartment of my own.”

“Well, it’s Seoul and I do have an apartment of my own,” he points out. “I have to be back in Ilsan for brunch but maybe we can sneak away for a bit…?” Namjoon trails off, shaking his head already, clearly on the same lines as her.

“We can do better than a quickie,” she says heavily, even as she presses her lips together. Her eyes dart to the bulge in his sweatpants and she swallows, resisting the urge to palm him right here. “When are you back?”

“Twenty-seventh morning,” he answers. “When are you flying back?”

Kaya hesitates. “Twenty-eighth morning.”

“Okay.” He nods, brushing his thumb against her cheek. “It’s going to be a hell of a twenty-seventh of December, then.”

She smiles and nods. “Yeah. I’m glad you’ll be with your family on Christmas, by the way.”

“Me, too.” 

“Do you want to come over for a quick breakfast?” she offers, raising her eyebrows. “Everyone in that house is an early riser, including Jae-lin.”

“Sure,” he answers, surprising her. “You can tell her we’re back together, too.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh, wait.” Namjoon frowns, apparently just remembering something. “Won’t they be worried? If they wake up and see that you’re gone?”

“We’re half a block away from the house,” she reminds him.

“Sure, but they don’t know you’re here,” he points out.

She shakes her head. “Don’t worry. I dropped my mom a text.”

“Do you think that’s enough?”

“She’ll know I’m okay,” assures Kaya, getting up on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “I told her I’m with you.”

—

Thank you for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[delete-the-kisses]

i broke up with him on january 8th in front of the library inside a mall, since the main library is under renovation. my best friend held my hands in an isle beforehand, told me i was brave. and if it hadn’t come from her, i’d believe it was a well-crafted lie instead of an honest mistake in judgment.

truth being, i was scared. a coward. someone who’s own feelings were still something to be explored, someone who just needed her hands to be held. and when i left that night i didn’t feel regret. i felt free. i floated like a feather amidst the winter breeze, in my pink puffer jacket and rosey cheeks.

a fool; what i truly was on that evening. so self–centered, confused and helpless, believing i’d made the right choice. i didn’t hear myself screaming. i didn’t hear my rapid footsteps on the pavement, chasing down a girl, didn’t feel myself pulling the lapels of her jacket until it choked.

i dream of myself in the library, voice raspy and restricted, screaming at her as she stands up. “i need to go”, she says, but that’s the opposite of what she needs to do. she needs to stay. she needed to stay.

now, i hit my juul in the school bathrooms with him. he tells me his problems. his new girlfriend plays guitar, so i started to learn too. not that i realized that until afterwards. 

his new girlfriend’s name is aurora, like that phenomenon in the northern sky where all the lights shine in green, purple, red and i hate knowing that’s exactly what she feels and looks like. his new girlfriend’s favorite radiohead album is in rainbows. i want to learn jigsaw falling into place on my dad’s old acoustic guitar.

every guitar string scar will remind me of him, every note i play will be reminiscent of the sound of his voice. i pride myself in knowing what will happen. i pride myself in my everlasting, sullen misery. 

i blow the white smoke in his face as opposed to kissing him, i cry on park benches, i open my windows and pretend the noisy birds are why i’m losing sleep. i listen to music on the bus. i wish i’d have to take it more often, and i pretend the ride to his place isn’t the perfect amount of time to exist as something with a destination.

summer washes away pain, i suppose, but i spend each one being in love with someone i can’t have. i’ll learn guitar. i’ll go to another country and write about him there, spread my love along the countryside like it’ll do any good there. i’ll go to church and pray for him to take me back.

a mess; what i’ll be for an uncertain amount of time from now to somewhere. his name has six letters, otherwise i’d take it as an angel number. a sign. 

screaming to the girl i was this winter will do no good, but i’ll never be or do good. i trust for everything to fall into place. i trust blindly, and i only trust myself.

[hallmark-movie-fanatics]

Hallmark - 2023 Year in Review

Hallmark Movies and Original Series - 2023 Year in Review 

As the year is coming to a close here is a complete list the movies and original series that aired on the Hallmark Channel, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, and Hallmark Movies Now.

104 movies aired across three Hallmark networks 

3 original series aired on the Hallmark Channel

2 original series aired their first seasons 

1 original series canceled

69 movies aired on the Hallmark Channel (not including the Love Club movies that aired on HMN first)

29 movies aired on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries 

6 movies aired on Hallmark Movies Now

June Weddings movie block returned

5 New Year New Movies films 

4 Loveuary films 

7 Spring Into Love films 

4 June Weddings films

2 Christmas in July films

5 Summer Nights films 

7 Fall Into Love films 

31 Countdown to Christmas films 

4 films aired outside themed movie blocks on the Hallmark Channel 

11 mystery films aired on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries  

9 non mystery movies aired on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

9 Miracles of Christmas films  

4 Mahogany films aired across 2 networks

2 DaySpring films aired

3 National Park movies aired

1 actor, Cameron Mathison, jumped ship & signed a contract with Great American Family

3 royal movies

1 reboot (Aurora Teagarden)

2 extended Christmas in Countdown movies (2022) aired on Hallmark Movies Now

Hallmark Channel Movies

The Dog Lover's Guide to Dating - January 1 (New Year New Movies)

The Wedding Veil Expectations - January 7 (New Year New Movies)

The Wedding Veil Inspiration - January 14 (New Year New Movies)

The Wedding Veil Journey - January 21 (New Year New Movies)

Love in Glacier National: A National Park Romance - January 28 (New Year New Movies)

Sweeter Than Chocolate - February 4 (Loveuary)

A Paris Proposal - February 11 (Loveuary)

Welcome to Valentine - February 18 (Loveuary)

Made for Each Other - February 25 (Loveuary)

Game of Love - March 11

A Winning Team - March 18

A Picture of Her - March 25 (Spring Into Love)

Love in the Maldives - April 1 (Spring Into Love)

The Professional Bridesmaid - April 8 (Spring Into Love)

The Wedding Cottage - April 15 (Spring Into Love)

A Pinch of Portugal - April 22 (Spring Into Love)

Hearts in the Game - April 29 (Spring Into Love)

When Love Springs - May 6 (Spring Into Love)

Dream Moms - May 13

Love in Zion National: A National Park Romance - May 20

Wedding Season - June 3 (June Weddings)

Love's Greek to Me - June 10 (June Weddings)

The Wedding Contract - June 17 (June Weddings)

Make Me a Match - June 24 (June Weddings)

A Royal Christmas Crush - July 8 (Christmas in July)

Take Me Back for Christmas - July 15 (Christmas in July)

Aloha Heart - July 29 (Summer Nights)

Making Waves - August 5 (Summer Nights)

A Safari Romance - August 12 (Summer Nights)

Never Too Late to Celebrate - August 19 (Summer Nights)

Napa Ever After - August 26 - (Summer Nights) (Mahogany Films)

Love in the Great Smoky Mountains: A National Park Romance - September 2 (Fall Into Love)

Fourth Down and Love - September 9 (Fall Into Love)

Notes of Autumn - September 16 (Fall Into Love)

Retreat to You - September 23 (Fall Into Love)

A Very Venice Romance - September 30 (Fall Into Love)

3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost - October 7 (Fall Into You)

Field Day - October 14 (Fall Into You)

Checkin' It Twice - October 20 (Countdown to Christmas)

Where Are You, Christmas? - October 21 (Countdown to Christmas)

Under the Christmas Sky - October 22 (Countdown to Christmas)

Christmas by Design - October 27 (Countdown to Christmas)

Mystic Christmas - October 28 (Countdown to Christmas)

Joyeux Noel - October 29 (Countdown to Christmas)

Flipping for Christmas - November 3 (Countdown to Christmas)

Never Been Chris'd - November 4 (Countdown to Christmas)

The Santa Summit - November 5 (Countdown to Christmas)

Everything Christmas - November 10 (Countdown to Christmas)

Christmas Island - November 11 (Countdown to Christmas)

A Heidelberg Holiday - November 12 (Countdown to Christmas)

Navigating Christmas - November 17 (Countdown to Christmas)

A Merry Scottish Christmas - November 18 (Countdown to Christmas)

Holiday Hotline - November 19 (Countdown to Christmas)

Catch Me If You Claus - November 23 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

Letters to Santa - November 24 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

Holiday Road - November 24 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

Christmas in Notting Hill - November 25 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

Haul Out the Holly: Lit Up - November 25 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

Our Christmas Mural - November 26 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

A Biltmore Christmas - November 26 (Countdown to Christmas) (A Merry Thanksgiving Weekend)

My Norwegian Holiday - December 1 (Countdown to Christmas)

A Not So Royal Christmas - December 2 (Countdown to Christmas)

Christmas With a Kiss - December 3 (Countdown to Christmas) (Mahogany Films)

Magic in Mistletoe - December 8 (Countdown to Christmas)

Christmas on Cherry Lane - December 9 (Countdown to Christmas)

Round and Round - December 10 (Countdown to Christmas)

The Secret Gift of Christmas - December 15 (Countdown to Christmas)

Sealed with a List - December 16 (Countdown to Christmas)

Friends & Family Christmas - December 17 (Countdown to Christmas)

Hallmark Channel Original Series

The Way Home - January 1 thru March 26 (season 1, 10 episodes)

Ride - March 26 thru May 29 (season 1, 10 episodes)

When Calls the Heart - July 30 thru October 15 (season 10, 12 episodes)

Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

Family History Mysteries: Buried Part - January 8

Curious Caterer: Grilling Season - February 5

A Nashville Legacy - February 26 (Mahogany Films)

Unexpected Grace - March 12

The Cases of Mystery Lane - March 19

The Blessing Bracelet - April 9 (DaySpring Films)

Spring Breakthrough - April 30 (Mahogany Films)

The Jane Mysteries: Inheritance Lost - May 12

Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery - May 19

The Dancing Detective: A Deadly Tango - June 2

Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Something New - June 9

A Lifelong Love - July 21

Big Sky River: The Bridal Path - August 11

The More Love Grows - August 18

Guiding Emily - September 8

Come Fly with Me - September 15

Haunted Harmony Mysteries: Murder in G Major - September 22

Mystery Island - September 29

A Zest for Death: A Hannah Swensen Mystery - October 6

Curious Caterer: Fatal Vows - October 13

Ms Christmas Comes to Town - October 26 (Miracles of Christmas)

My Christmas Guide - November 2 (Miracles of Christmas)

Mystery on Mistletoe Lane - November 9 (Miracles of Christmas)

A World Record Christmas - November 16 (Miracles of Christmas)

A Season for Family - November 22 (Miracles of Christmas)

Time for Her to Cone Home for Christmas - November 30 (Miracles of Christmas)

To All a Good Night - December 7 (Miracles of Christmas)

Heaven Down Here - December 14 (Miracles of Christmas)

Miracle in Bethlehem, PA - December 21 (Miracles of Christmas) (DaySpring Films)

Hallmark Movies Now

The Love Club: Nicole's Pen Pal - February 2 (March 4 on HC)

The Love Club: Sydney's Journey - February 9 (May 27 on HC)

The Love Club: Lauren's Journey - February 16 (May 29 on HC)

The Love Club: Tara's Tune - February 23 (May 29 on HC)

Rescuing Christmas - December 7

An Ice Palace Romance - December 14

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon

Evening, January 9th

"The night also is thine." – Psalm 74:16

Yes, Lord, thou dost not abdicate thy throne when the sun goeth down, nor dost thou leave the world all through these long wintry nights to be the prey of evil; thine eyes watch us as the stars, and thine arms surround us as the zodiac belts the sky. The dews of kindly sleep and all the influences of the moon are in thy hand, and the alarms and solemnities of night are equally with thee. This is very sweet to me when watching through the midnight hours, or tossing to and fro in anguish. There are precious fruits put forth by the moon as well as by the sun: may my Lord make me to be a favored partaker in them.

The night of affliction is as much under the arrangement and control of the Lord of Love as the bright summer days when all is bliss. Jesus is in the tempest. His love wraps the night about itself as a mantle, but to the eye of faith the sable robe is scarce a disguise. From the first watch of the night even unto the break of day the eternal Watcher observes his saints, and overrules the shades and dews of midnight for his people's highest good. We believe in no rival deities of good and evil contending for the mastery, but we hear the voice of Jehovah saying, "I create light and I create darkness; I, the Lord, do all these things."

Gloomy seasons of religious indifference and social sin are not exempted from the divine purpose. When the altars of truth are defiled, and the ways of God forsaken, the Lord's servants weep with bitter sorrow, but they may not despair, for the darkest eras are governed by the Lord, and shall come to their end at his bidding. What may seem defeat to us may be victory to him.

"Though enwrapt in gloomy night, We perceive no ray of light; Since the Lord himself is here, 'Tis not meet that we should fear."