#ultimately he comes to find life as the most valuable thing in the world that he feels no right to take away from someone else

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Like the reading of Bruce as essentially a severely suicidal character who gradually finds his will to live is my favorite take on why he doesn’t kill

Bruce wakes up cause dick broke a chandelier and thinks

I could’ve missed this

He sees his son come back from the dead so very angry but most importantly here and alive and thinks

I could’ve missed this

Watches tim slowly fall asleep on the computer and thinks

I could’ve missed this

Hears damian coo at his animals and yell at his family and thinks

I could’ve missed this

And how could he take that chance away from someone else? The chance to wake up on what is objectively a terrible day and think to yourself-I wouldn’t give this up for anything- especially when it’s something he himself tried to give away. No. That’s a joy he won’t take from even the most vile thing on earth

[charmedreincarnation]

Imagination is the ultimate freedom

I owe my love for imagination to my childhood. When I was young, I'd find myself looking out my window into the endless sky and the vast landscape, daydreaming about what I could be. As I grew older, my imagination took new forms. I used it to explore new activities and to think outside the box.

My imagination has been a valuable asset in my life and it's comforting to know that I have it always there for me as a safe space. The beauty of imagination is that it can help us to solve even the most difficult problems. It encourages us to look at things from different angles, to think through ideas more deeply and to be more creative in our approaches.

That's why I'm so passionate about my imagination; I know that I'm able to come up with solutions to difficult problems that come up while still staying inside my comfort zone. It is my go-to place when I'm looking for inspiration. Whether it's for a project idea or or a new manifestation desire, I find myself turning to my imagination for help.

The biggest benefit of having an imagination is that you are the only one who has access to your own little world. No one else can access it but you so it's a safe place, a place where you can keep your fears, doubts, and worries at bay. The boundaries of an imagination are determined by only you so the possibilities are endless.

Imagination is why I'm able to keep that child-like motivation all throughout my life. Whenever I'm feeling stuck or uninspired, all I need to do is look inside myself and explore the world of my imagination. It's like taking a step into a totally different world where Imagination is why I'm able to keep that child-like motivation all throughout my life. Whenever I'm feeling stuck or uninspired, all I need to do is look inside myself and explore the world of my imagination. It's like taking a step into a totally different world where anything is possible. All of my dreams and ideas come to life and all I have to do is dream them into existence. Everything is possible. All of my dreams and ideas come to life and all I have to do is dream them into existence.

It’s is a wonderful gift that we have to explore different possibilities, and see potentials in ourselves and our world that we otherwise wouldn't be able to access. We can use our imaginations to create dreams, and those dreams can become our reality if we take the steps necessary to bring them to fruition. Although it may often be seen as a sign of childishness, or foolishness, that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, it is the ability to imagine that can give us the courage to take action and make our dreams a reality. It is the creativity we have that gives us an edge in life, and the ability to see things in a different perspective.

This is why Goddard preaches that imagination is the key to our inner freedom. He argued that it is through imagination that we can gain control over our experiences and create our own reality. He knew that imagination is the ultimate freedom, the ability to dream up what we want and take action towards it. He said that “nothing is more liberating than to consciously use your imagination to create the life of your dreams”. And that could not be any nearer to the truth.

Don't be afraid to utilize your imagination. The potential of your imagination is immense and it can be the difference between living a life of mediocrity and achieving true greatness. Rather than focusing on what you don’t have, use your imagination to create the life you desire. Visualize yourself living the life you want to live. Put yourself in that position and think about how it would feel. Develop an internal image that you can associate with success and happiness. When you focus on this image, it will give you the confidence and motivation to take action and move forward.

It truly is your greatest asset when it comes to manifesting anything and everything into your dream life. The possibilities are limitless, so use your imagination for good and manifest anything and everything into your dream life.

[gffa]

Character Ask Game: Obi-Wan Kenobi, 4 8 &12

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? Obi-Wan is one of those characters that probably has been in all those other media and, of course, I always want more of him, but I think if you offered me the chance to have one new Obi-Wan project, it would be: A Star Wars Holiday Special: Obi-Wan & Anakin, where they get Ewan and Hayden to do a 45 minute special about their time as Force Ghosts, as they look on over Luke working to find Jedi artifacts, talking with him when they have the spiritual energy to pull together for it, while they look on over Ahsoka trying to process her feelings about Anakin even after all these years, while they watch over Grogu as best they can while he tries to find his path in this world without the Jedi. It would be half-serious, talking about Anakin's choices and how he had to learn to let go, that that's what it means to be a Force Ghost, you have to let go of all the hate and the rage and the fear and the guilt, that it's not about blame, but about delving into Anakin's mindset, about delving into Obi-Wan's mindset, how they both had to learn to let go of everything they were carrying around before they could move on. Obi-Wan had to do that during the series of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin had to do that during Return of the Jedi, and I'd love to see them have a conversation about how they want to help Ahsoka do the same thing. Bonus points for filming a scene of Obi-Wan watching as Vader threw Sidious down the reactor shaft and the light dawning on his face that, oh, his Padawan is coming back, that he can reach out his hand as Anakin dies, with a genuine smile and say, "Hello again, old friend. Let me help you over." But then it would be half-silly antics where they're basically Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo just roasting the hell out of all the dumbass shit they have to put up with in this galaxy. Bonus points for Anakin giving Obi-Wan the once over after they see Luke at the party on Endor's moon: "Wait, why do you look like that? Why aren't--" "I appear as the person remembers me, as they most need me to appear." "....so are you saying that everyone NEEDS me to look like the hottest holonet star on--" "[dryly] Apparently so." 8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? Taking away his love for and belief in the Jedi ways. Obi-Wan's entire ultimate purpose is to be the contrast to Anakin's character, to be the wise Jedi mentor who doesn't have to be perfect, but is generally correct, that his purpose is to show the path that Anakin should have been on. But also, just straight up as a character, Obi-Wan loves the Jedi, that's his culture, his family, his people, he believes in the methods of the Jedi, he believes in the philosophy of the Jedi, he lives and breathes as a Jedi. And it's made him the person he is, he cherishes that, that he can regret that there isn't room for other paths in life, but that he doesn't regret the path he's on as a Jedi, that even when he considered other paths, it was with the full respect for what being a Jedi means. Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Jedi, and even if he might choose another path for himself, he always, always believes in what it means to be a Jedi, he believes that path is valuable and sacred. Taking that away from his character just fundamentally is not who he is imo.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? Obi-Wan Kenobi is an absolute monster when it comes to playing cards. He has perfected his bland, unreadable face and sleight of hand, so you can suspect he's a dirty rotten cheater at cards, but you can never prove it. He will absolutely murder anyone and everyone at sabacc and never give away the game, he'll just blandly look at you and pretend to be losing, all until he's lulled you into a false sense of security and then he'll rob you blind and probably leave the winnings in the pocket of someone asking for change on the street. He's an absolute bastard to play cards with and Quinlan and Anakin both straight up refuse to do it anymore because it's so infuriating.

[melvisik]

OFMD - TREASURE, LOVE, AND EDWARD

Edited - Possible trigger warnings at the bottom under the gif of Edward and MerStede by @soapbubbles511. Thanks to @agneswarda for pointing this out in the reblogging tags.

Totally joining in with this discussion about the deleted scenes (even though I'm extremely late to the party)...

Source crediting set decorator Lindsey Cantrell's insta at linds_cantrell

Absolutely, Ed is a beautiful hot mess splayed out on the ground pouring whateveritis into his gaping mouth, and we were sorely robbed of some awesome shots (no doubt due to budget/time cuts). Also, the text here somewhat vindicates the fandom's in-depth observations as to the incredible weight of Ed's unhappiness at this point.

So here it comes, because reiterating fandom analyses and interpretations is fun...

One of the key elements we see in season one is Ed's desire for the fine things he's been denied in much of his youth, things his own mother told him they could never have. Mother Teach frames it as it being a matter of providence or even nature, because that isn't who they are rather than accrediting it to unfair circumstances they were born into.

Who can blame her really? The poor woman was a victim of the unfair social class/caste system of the 18th century and she had an abusive, degrading dick for a partner.

Anyway, that fine piece of silk she gives her son is probably one of the biggest symbolic tools in TV history - Ed's fondness for fine things, his wish to be one of 'those kinds of people' (despite the odds) thinking it will make it happy, his connection to affection, his first bond with Stede Bonnet both in camaraderie...

...and in love.

And then, of course we see this...

Well then.

Long before the unhinged binge-raiding, Ed had already accrued more riches than some uppity officer can shake a fucking stick at, but he had yet to find that elusive something he'd been pursuing since childhood.

Source

Cue Stede Bonnet, a constituent of that aristocratic world Ed's been dreaming about and a sweet representation of finery and refinery.

...sorta. Really, they just pass the time so well...

Extremely well, like 'welcome to the family'...

But at the beginning of season two, what Ed came to treasure most is gone, and he can't replace it no matter how many valuables he collects. There's a void in his heart he was on a rampant quest to fill, and just when he thought he'd found someone that can occupy some of that space, he's abandoned by him.

So, afterwards (and after some other stuff) Ed jumps from raid to raid as Blackbeard 2.0, raising hellions and sending them out to play, pillage, and plunder.

But he does this without any sense of care or pleasure. Another day in the life of a pirate. Make the plan, execute the plan, make the plan, execute the plan, and again, and again, and again... so fucking boring.

He's amassed so much stuff that the crew literally has to dump it overboard, and only more is coming in because he's determined never to divert from this strict regiment, whether it's because he intends to incite Ned Lowe into coming after him or to have it serve as a distraction from the unyielding pain.

Either way, he shuts down in a sort of resignation and fully conforms to the role expected of him, because they think it's just who he is...

In the interim, during those all too frequent moments of inaction, he self-medicates with drugs and alcohol and wallows about in misery, sometimes in Stede's old cabin surrounded by riches that are ultimately worthless to his broken heart.

It's a fairly common trope - a gut-wrenching display of unhappiness whilst surround by troves of treasure.

But we see here that Ed takes it a step farther, reverting to an almost childlike state and enacting his fantasy with dolls.

And with those cut scenes, we could very well have seen how he behaves similarly with the treasure, perhaps by playing dress up with the jewelry or admiring these objects that should, by all rights, represent the vast wealth he'd once hoped to achieve.

He's surrounded by the fine things he coveted in his childhood, but now he finds none of it remotely satisfying. He's had a taste of true joy, and all this stuff just listlessly lying around pales in comparison.

Is he having fun? Nope, because this was fun...

Is he basking in the splendor? Nope, because this was splendor...

Does he recognize the value of the treasure at his fingertips? Nope, because you know where this is going...

In fact the only stolen piece that means anything to him is fiscally worthless.

That figurine is a cheap representation of something intrinsically valuable. Just like the jewels, the furs, the gold, and every lifeless item in that room, it essentially means nothing save for the memory Ed attaches to it.

Ed's life has become that dull drag of monotony just like before. On the outset, that life was probably fun for a while and perhaps did initially satisfy his thirst for wealth, acceptance and attention, but over time he basically became married to his work, 'working for Blackbeard,' an unhappy husband to piracy.

This discomfort in a married state only started to alleviate when that bizarre, cheerful lunatic showed Ed that he can absolutely escape his situation and doesn't have to let his past prevent him from moving forward.

Ed was fully willing to give it all up. Stede served as a perfect conduit for this, but falling in love with him altered Ed's aim - he no longer necessarily desires the lavish lifestyle and/or identity of Stede Bonnet, but rather something loads better...

Then we have the sharp turn-around, and Ed is in an even worse state than where he started off.

He's been there, done that, and even trying to reach for an extreme version of Blackbeard just isn't quite cutting it.

Death seems to be the only unexplored avenue left to him. It might not make him happy, but then he was never meant for happiness, was he? He's just not that kind of person. But it can, at least, just make everything stop...

And these scenes could have shown so much of that - the impotence of all the wealth available for Ed's leisure and how spending the day with someone is the better treasure. This kind of treasure later only serves as a sign of Ed's guilt at the atrocities he committed, and it's only useful in helping others throw a big bash or giving other less fortunate kiddies a better chance than he had.

It really wasn't worth all that much to Ed in the end. Just as it wasn't worth all that much to Stede Bonnet either.

The man who sees value in what's thought to be worthless, who discerns fortune in a chest of blue dirt and exquisite detailing in a pile of junk, finds his ultimate treasure.

P.S. The treasure in that scene also possibly serves as reflection of all the 'finery' attributes Ed sees in Stede, the beauty and status he'd once craved presented up in a warm jaunty melody that somehow matches Ed beat for weird beat.

P.P.S. And for the fantastical lovers - Stede's the handsome prince (mer-prince in fact) that helps this beautiful princess escape from the dragon's hoard.

Warning: This post contains implications of suicide, abuse, drug use, and alcohol abuse. These subjects are delicate and complex and I am no expert, so if any information/opinions in this post are evaluated to be erroneous, seem careless, or cause too much controversy, this post will be deleted and apologies given.

Constructive criticism is welcome.

[stanislawkowalski]

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON. - passing character.

Nikolai "Kolya

Name: Nikolai Alias: Kolya, Nikoś Age: tbc Nationality: Polish-Russian Occupation: Second-in-Command of the Kowalski Crime Syndicate

Background

Nikolai "Kolya" was born to Nastka, a notorious Polish-Russian mafioso, and a young woman named Anya, who was barely an adult herself when she met Nastka. Their relationship was brief, tumultuous, and ultimately doomed—lasting just over a year. Anya left soon after Nikolai was born, unable to cope with the violent world Nastka inhabited. This left Nastka, only 17 at the time, to raise his son alone.

Growing up in the shadow of his father's criminal empire, Kolya was exposed to the harsh realities of the mafia world from an early age. Nastka, despite his ruthless reputation, was fiercely protective of his son and ensured that Kolya received the best education possible. However, this education was twofold—Kolya was as adept at handling a ledger as he was at handling a gun. By the time he was in his teens, he was already being groomed to take over the family business.

Kolya quickly proved himself to be more than capable. His natural intelligence, combined with his father's tutelage, made him a force to be reckoned with in the criminal underworld. By his early 20s, Kolya had earned the respect of even the most hardened members of the syndicate and had become Nastka's second-in-command.

Personality

Kolya is a charismatic and dynamic individual, a sharp contrast to the cold and calculating reputation his father has built. While he is undoubtedly intelligent and strategic, Kolya also knows how to have a good time. He is the life of the party, with a magnetic presence that draws people in. His charm is effortless, and he can easily switch from being the serious, focused leader to the flirtatious, fun-loving man who enjoys the finer things in life.

Kolya has a natural talent for leadership, but unlike his father, who rules through fear, Kolya leads by inspiring full loyalty and trust. He believes in enjoying life and making the most of every moment, which makes him both approachable and respected among his peers. His easygoing nature doesn't mean he lacks discipline; when it's time to get down to business, Kolya is as focused and determined as they come. However, he understands the importance of balance and makes sure to carve out time for pleasure.

Kolya inherited his father's charm and his mother's cheekiness, making him quick with a joke or a playful jab. He has a knack for reading people, which makes him a master negotiator and an expert at diffusing tension with a well-placed quip or smile.

Likes

Partying: Kolya loves to let loose and enjoys the nightlife, whether it’s attending exclusive clubs, hosting lavish parties, or simply hanging out with friends. He has a reputation for being the guy who knows how to have a good time.

Flirting: Kolya is a natural flirt and enjoys the thrill of romantic pursuit. His charm and wit make him irresistible to many, and he often finds himself the center of attention.

Strategy Games: Despite his love for partying, Kolya enjoys games that challenge his mind, such as chess or strategy video games. They are both a way to relax and a way to keep his mind sharp.

Fine Whiskey: A taste inherited from his father, Kolya appreciates a good whiskey, often enjoying a glass while contemplating his next move.

Art and Music: Kolya has a deep appreciation for the arts, particularly modern art and electronic music. His private quarters are adorned with abstract paintings, and he often winds down by listening to his favorite playlists.

Dislikes

Betrayal: Kolya despises disloyalty above all else. In his eyes, trust is a currency more valuable than money, and those who betray it are dealt with swiftly and mercilessly.

Incompetence: Kolya has little patience for those who cannot perform their duties efficiently. He values precision and expects those around him to be as meticulous as he is.

Unnecessary Violence: While he is no stranger to bloodshed, Kolya believes that violence should be a last resort. He prefers to resolve conflicts through negotiation and manipulation, resorting to force only when absolutely necessary.

Boredom: Kolya hates being bored and always seeks out excitement, whether it’s through work, socializing, or finding new adventures.

Traits

Charismatic Leader: Kolya’s natural charm and confidence make him a magnetic leader who can rally those around him. He knows how to inspire loyalty and get people to follow him willingly.

Life of the Party: Kolya’s love for socializing and having fun makes him a popular figure in both the criminal underworld and high society. He knows how to work a room and leave a lasting impression.

Quick-Witted: Kolya inherited his mother’s cheekiness and his father’s sharp tongue, making him quick with a joke or a cutting remark. This wit makes him a master negotiator and an expert at diffusing tension.

Balanced Mindset: Kolya believes in balancing work and pleasure. While he’s dedicated to his role in the family business, he also knows the importance of enjoying life and keeping things light-hearted when possible.

Loyal to a Fault: His loyalty to his father and the family is unwavering. He would rather die than betray those he cares about, though this loyalty sometimes blinds him to the truth.

Strategic Thinker: Kolya excels at seeing the bigger picture, often anticipating his opponents' moves well before they make them. His ability to plan several steps ahead makes him a formidable adversary.

Nikolai "Kolya" is a man who knows how to balance the seriousness of his role as second-in-command with the pleasures of life. Raised by his father, Nastka, to be a leader in the criminal underworld, Kolya has carved out his own identity—a blend of sharp intellect, charm, and a love for life’s finer things. Whether he’s orchestrating a complex operation or enjoying a night out on the town, Kolya approaches everything he does with the same intensity and passion. Beneath his playful exterior lies a mind as sharp as a blade, making him a force to be reckoned with both in and out of the family business.

[fanmoose12]

prompts: reversal au Hange is the thug from underground

Three years.

For three years, Levi has been Erwin's faithful soldier, following his every order, bringing to life his every wish. Not once had he refused to, not once had he even considered his desicions as unreasonable.

Until... until, Levi found himself in the biggest shithole of them all, the deepest pit, the darkest corner of their already dark, grim world - the Underground. And if only, oh, if only, they came here just for a quick visit, a short outing to observe the horrible decay and abhorrent state of this place. But no - no, no, no, nothing is ever so easy with Erwin, of course not. The man always has some kind of damned agenda - a vision, as he himself calls it. And, of course, that agenda usually involves Levi and a mission he has to complete to make Erwin's wishes come to life.

None of them are all that pleasant, but, at least, they are important. In that easy, straighforward way that makes Levi feel like he's doing the right thing. That even if just a little, but he helps to make their world better, their future - a bit less grimmer.

But for the life of him, he cannot understand what Erwin's new obsession has to do with any of it. He cannot fathom how some thug from this dark and gloomy place can help them in their mission of defeating titans.

He tried asking Erwin about it, tried demanding an explanation from him, but the man is as brilliant as he is evasive, so all Levi got was a cryptic 'you'll see' and a smile, full of anticipation.

He's never questioned Erwin's methods before, though, and he's not going to start now, so Levi stops pushing and agrees to carry out the mission, trusting Erwin to, as always, see what he cannot.

And that's ultimately how he finds himself in the damned Underground, chasing some pesky four-eyed thief across the poor-lit, dirty streets. That four-eyes is good, Levi can't help but think, quick and graceful and so skilled with ODM-gear that they'd probably put the bigger part of Scouts to shame. It's no wonder that MPs couldn't catch them.

It begs the question, though - if they're that good, could they really learn it all by themself? If they truly did, then maybe Erwin isn't as mad as Levi thought him to be. If they themself figured out what most recruits spend three years perfecting, maybe they'll indeed proof to be a valuable asset to the Scouts.

Maybe, it's not a wild goose chase after all.

But his musings are brought to an abrupt end, when the thug takes a turn, changing their route. Levi shakes his head, puts it back into the chase, and even then he very nearly collides with a wall, managing to evade it by the force of sheer luck.

Damn it, he can't help but think again, they're good. And not only that - unlike Levi, who feels like he's lost in a maze of dark, nearly identical roads, they very clearly have the advantage of knowing the streets they roam through. And to top it all off, the four-eyed thug is insuferably cocky. Catching his eyes for a second, they show him a wide grin, and then trick him once again by exploiting that one second of lapse in Levi's attention and using the cables not to propel themself forward, like all normal people do, but backwards and fly right over his head.

Levi grits his teeth, a quick curse escaping out of his mouth. He's fed up with that four-eyes and their attitude. It's past time he put an end to this charade.

In a move that can't be called neither graceful, nor honorable, Levi changes tactics and instead of trying to force four-eyes into a dead end and surrender, he simply charges at them, throwing them off their rhythm. The maneuver ends with both of them losing their coordination and falling straight to the ground, but no matter how painful the fall is, Levi doesn't let it deter him. He gets to his feet right away and approaches four-eyes, ready to accept their surrender. Except-

Except they don't seem willing to grant him one. If anything, surrender appears to be the last thing on their mind. Four-eyes whips out a knife and begins advancing towards Levi with a glint in their eyes so determined that Levi subconsciously takes a step back.

He chastises himself for that action instantly. Sure, four-eyes may appear scary, and, maybe, their knowledge of how to use the ODM gear is slightly above the average, but Levi is a scout, he' faced countless enemies, far bigger and that much more deadlier than some scrawny thug that is dressed rugs.

However, they turn out to be much more faster than Levi expected and have him on his back before he can even make his move. Then, to make the matters so much worse, they press a knife to his throat and smirk down at him.

"Not that brave and mighty now, are we?" they ask in a deep, nearly velvety voice that definitely has no effect on Levi. No, none whatsoever. He just didn't imagine their voice to be so... attractive. And neither did he imagine that their eyes are so pretty from this close.

He grunts and shakes his head, forcing those silly thoughts away, then grabs the hand that holds a knife and twists it until four-eyes yelps and drops it.

Levi doesn't waste another moment and pushes his elbow into their face, hitting their jaw. Four-eyes nearly falls off him, but catches themself at the very last moment.

For that, Levi kicks them once again.

Yet, despite or, maybe, in spite of it, four-eyes still doesn't yield.

They grab Levi by the collar of his shirt, yanking roughly at it, but, luckily, before the two of them start tossing in a dirt like a pair of naughty children, Erwin appears on the scene .

His arrival startles four-eyes, allowing Levi to finally gain the upper hand, push their arms behind their back and slap handcuffs onto their wrists.

Levi stands up, with as much dignity as he can muster at the moment, considering that he's covered in dust in sand. He gives a nod to Erwin, pointedly ignoring the burning hatred reflected in the lenses of four-eyes' glasses.

Erwin approaches them, thankfully - not commenting on either of their appearences.

"Hange Zoe, right?" he asks four-eyes with a warm and surprisingly genuine smile. He kneels next to them, not once taking his eyes off them. Levi can't quite understand if Erwin is as wary of them as he rightfully should be, or if he's simply that fascinated by them. "You're the one, who broke into MP's compound, right?"

"So what?" Hange retorts sharply, jerking their head to the side to push the fallen bangs out of their face. "You've come here to arrest me? Since when MPs send Scouts to do their job for them?"

"You've got quite creative back then," Erwin remarks, as though he hasn't heard a single word they've said. "Or so I've heard. I've also heard that you didn't steal food or money - although both were in abundance there. You've stolen books instead. Most of them about the outside world. I can't help but wonder why."

"And what's in it for you?"

"For me?" Erwin shakes his head. "Not much. But for you - I offer a chance to not just read about our world in the books, but to see it with your own eyes."

Levi clicks his tongue, when he sees four-eyes' mouth fall open in a silent gasp. They stare at Erwin with wide, full of wonder eyes. There is no trace of hatred or even animosity left inside them. Levi would have found that sudden change irritating, if - unfortunately - he wasn't just as susceptible to Erwin's charms.

Erwin gives him a sign, and although Levi is quite wary to follow carry out the silent command, he does it all the same. He takes off the handcuffs and as soon as he does, Erwin offers his hand to Hange, with same disturbingly kind smile plastered on his face.

"I'm Erwin Smith," he says smoothly. "Care to join the Scouts?"

Hange hesitates, but only for a moment. And then they clasp Erwin's hand, mirroring his smile with one of their own.

___

Hange fits right in in Survey Corps.

Although lacking the most essential skill of wielding the twin blades and unable to effectively take down even the titan dummy, they work relentlessly to get better. And at pretty much everything else - they excel. During their first training, they prove once again just how good they are at using ODM gear, they're great in individual sparrings too, even if they do tend to use a few dirty tricks that most Scouts don't know how to parry, and they turn to be absolutely brilliant when it comes to theoretical aspects of their line of work. Erwin himself lectures them, and when he's too busy to, Mike or Nanaba take it upon themselves. And all of them agree that Hange is as smart as they come.

That doesn't seem to be enough for them, however, as Levi spots them with their nose buried in a book with nearly worrying frequency.

And when they do not train or study, they occupy themself with exploring the world around them. They appear to be completely smitten with their new reality - in mornings, they wander around the woods or examine the nearby garden, and at nights Levi sees them climb up on a roof to stare at the night sky with an utter bliss written all over their face.

It seems that Hange enjoys their new life to the fullest. The only thing that brings them grievance, the one aspect they appear to be struggling with is their relationships with other soldiers. They get along just fine with members of Erwin's inner circle - Nanaba and Mike seem to already adore them, Erwin is no less delighted by their company, even shares his plans and asks for their input, and Levi, although, reluctant and doubtful at first, can't help but respect the newest addition to their regiment.

The others, though - the others do everything in their power to show their distain for Hange and the place they've come from. They scoff and wince when Hange passes them by, they call them names - sometimes just behind their back, but more often than not - directly to their face. Some of the younger recruits even try pulling pranks on Hange a few times - all of them excessively cruel, in Levi's opinion.

He does his best to intervene and makes all participants clean the stables for a week, if not more, even though Hange never actually falls victim to the vicious jokes.

Hange themself tries to repay the animosity directed at them with unbridled friendliness and kindness. They laugh all insults off, dismiss each of Erwin's attempt to interfere, they do their best to appear completely unaffacted by how others treat them.

Even so, Levi sees right through their facade. He sees their fists that tremble from anger, he sees the strained smile and tears that sometimes appear in the corner of Hange's eyes.

He feels bad for them, they don't at all deserve this hatred. Their past is less than perfect, sure, and they probably did some bad things in the past, but bad actions are not always done by bad people. Despite their so very unpleasant first meeting, Hange still strikes Levi as a good person. One, who perhaps, made a few bad choices, but one, who did not do it out of greed or wickedness, but out of pure need to survive. Levi - or anyone else - can't possibly hold them accountable for that.

Besides, they are not a thug from the Underground anymore, they're a Scout, fighting for the better future alongside other soldiers, and they do their best to do what they can to get better, stronger.

Isn't it a proof that they're inherently good? Why others cannot see what he does? What Levi can do to change their minds?

An opportunity to do so arises when he catches three recruits corner Hange in the backyard. And, naturally, as soon as Levi sees it, he hurries to the rescue.

His fists clench tightly, when one of the recruits, the tallest and most dumb-looking one gets in Hange's face and starts shouting at them. And his anger spikes further when he notices the infuriating smirks on the faces of his friends.

Levi hurries his step, but halts, when Hange grips one of the guys by the arm and twists it until he cries out and falls to his knees.

The gleeful expressions are gone in an instant, fear resurfacing instead, and the fools scutter, as soon as Hange lets go of their friend.

Levi stares at four-eyes, impressed in spite of himself. The guy was twice their size, and yet, they had no trouble in overpowering him. They didn't as much as break a sweat.

It momentarily makes him wonder - was Hange holding back during their first meeting?

He means to leave the scene, now that his assistant is evidently no longer needed - although, it hardly seems like it was actually needed in the first place, but Hange catches him look at them, waves a hand at him, and Levi is forced to take a step forward, instead of backwards like he was meaning to. After all, should he attempt to flee now, he'd look an ever bigger creep.

As he approaches, Hange gives him a smile, so unlike the one they've given him during their first meeting - this one is far more cheerful, devoid of all sharp edges.

"Enjoyed the show?" they ask, leaning slightly forward to look into his eyes.

"I really hope that guy didn't piss himself just now. I'm in charge of the laundry this week."

"Ah, sorry!" Hange chuckles. "And thanks."

Levi tilts his head quizzically. "For what? Doing your laundry?"

"For wanting to deal with them yourself. That was your intention, right?"

Levi neither confirms, nor denies, decides to ignore the question entirely. Hange has already figured the answer after all.

"You should never do something like that again," he says, not unkindly. "Disputes among recruits is not something Shadis approves of."

"But what if someone is a real asshole?"

Levi allows himself a tiny smirk. "Then, when teaching them a lesson, make sure no one's there to witness it."

Hange hums, their face pensive for a moment, before it breaks out in a radiant smile. "Thanks for the advice!" they smack him amicably on a shoulder. "That was very nice of you."

"I'm not-" Levi tries to argue, but Hange carries on right over him. "You're really kind, I appreciate it."

"I'm not kind," Levi denies with a scowl on his face. "I'm just... decent."

"Well, you tried to protect me, and that's after I've pressed a knife to your throat. From where I come from, that's called kindness."

Levi scoffs. "You're the one to talk then. You had a knife to my throat, and yet you didn't hurt me. That was kind. And a bit stupid," he adds, forcing a chuckle out of Hange.

"Well, I'm sure you too could do much more than just kick me. Your fist probably could smash my head in two. And yet you didn't even bruise me. So..."

"We're both stupid?"

Hange laughs once again. "Maybe," they agree with a slight nod. "And that's precisely why... we should be friend!"

Before he can reply or even react to that what they've just said, Hange wraps an arm around his shoulders with a giddy smile on their face. Looking at it, Levi can't find it in himself to push them away.

Let them have this moment, he thinks, surely, they deserve so much more than just a brief bit of happiness.

"I'll think about it," he replies to their offer, doing his best to hide all fondness from his voice. "But only after you take a bath."

"Aww," Hange whines in a way that must sound absolutely pathetic, and yet - Levi finds it kind of adorable instead. "Do I smell so bad?"

"Even worse," he says dryly, but despite his tone and his no doubt mean words, Hange doesn't appear at all slighted. If anything, they look even more cheerful than before.

"Fine then!" they exclaim just a bit too loudly. "If a bath is what I have to go through to earn your friendship, I'll do it. But! You have to walk me there."

Again, Levi doesn't deny them, despite hanging out with a weirdo not being a part of his plan for the evening.

Another bath sounds good, after all, especially after a day spent on the training grounds. And a new friend - that sounds even better.

[viivdle]

it's been a long time coming..

Dancing With Our Hands Tied (Jurdan's Version) with @annamatix <3

part 1!!

"I, I loved you in secret" is one of the many lyrics you don't need to use metaphorically for them to fit. he *did* love her in secret, and he hid his feelings with every action he took.

"First sight, yeah, we love without reason" we get a description of what he noticed first when he saw jude, and he was (very obviously, might i add) star struck. he didn't have a reason to be attracted to her. if anything, it was the opposite. his whole life he was taught to hate mortals and find them repulsing, but something about her was different.

"Oh, how were you to know?" i think sometimes cardan regrets his actions. he would do it again just to have the same outcome - being with jude. but i think he regrets how long it took because it cost them valuable time together. even after his feelings were clear, he did things that prolonged the time until they got to openly confess their love.

"And my, my love had been frozen" with everything in his life growing up, nobody reciprocated the love he tried to give, so he locked his heart away the best he could. he tried to freeze it so it wouldn't get hurt, but people still found ways to shatter it.

"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" cardan had a horrible life, nobody needs reminders of it. it's in everything he says and does. she ultimately saved his life in more ways than one. this can also be taken literally. "but you painted me golden" fits the scene in which jude struck him and smeared gold over his face, but that's just a funny thing to add. another way to interpret it (i'm already getting unhinged with this) is that he was with nicasia before he was with jude. not only were they bad together, which painted him blue, but nicasia is the princess of the undersea, nicasia is the deep blue that was replaced with gold, jude.

"Oh, and you held me close. Oh, how was I to know?" it's no secret that jude can lie. and that she takes great advantage of that ability. even after everything, i think cardan still had doubts about her love for him because she *could* be lying. he's very self-destructive and thinks little to nothing of himself. "it is a shabby, worm-eaten, and scabrous thing" is only one of the many admissions to it, verbal or not. while he knows jude loves him, but can't be certain.

"I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets" screams cardan. he thought he was uncapable of being loved, and she proved him otherwise. he loves with all he has and all he can give, and when he got a taste of what it was like to be loved, he never wanted to let it go again. he would've spent forever with her hands in his pockets, and he would've been happy to do so.

"Picture of your face in an invisible locket" i love love LOVE this lyric, and cardan would too. as i said, he loves with all his might, and he proudly does so. he would 100% wear a locket with a picture of jude in it, nobody questions that. he would love it even more if the locket was invisible to show everyone who has his heart. in the standards elfhame sets, he shouldn't feel proud to love a mortal. he is anyway and after finding out how it feels to love her, he stops caring about it and he would scream it from the top of every building in the kingdom.

"You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it" need i remind everyone of when he was a serpent and knew nothing, not even himself (yes, i'm repeating myself again) but he knew jude? nothing in the world could stop his love for her, literally. and it most definitely something he'd admit to jude.

"I had a bad feeling" has so many meanings for me, looking at it and trying to connect it to cardan. literally, hate is a bad feeling - and he felt it for jude. a lot. cardan, despite his very inflated seeming ego, is extremely anxious when it comes to jude. not only is she the only family he has left, she's the only family he ever had. yes, he had his court. yes, he had a complex relationship with the people in it. yes, said relationship also included love. but no, it was never pure love. jude and cardan's story is anything but pure. it's tainted, bloody, cursed... but their love? it's the purest love in his life.

i know this is very, very long, and i doubt anyone's read it - but stay tuned for the rest of my version and anna's post on her account<33

[celebbun]

Is Melkorist something like what the Numenoreans were doing?

I'm guessing this is in reference to my tags on @melkors-defense-attorney 's post here.

While Númenor's cult to Melkor is certainly the clearest and most explicit form of Melkorism we see in the Legendarium, it's not what I mean when I reference it in junction with Thranduil's character.

I'll put the the explanation under a cut because it's quite long:

To get started, I think I first have to explain both what Thranduil and Melkor represent to me.

Thranduil I think represents growth, or more specifically, regrowth. It's right there on the meaning of his name (or epessë in my headcanon), Vigorous Spring. Spring as in the season after winter, the unquieting of things, blooming and, most of all, regrowth. Spring is the season of life that comes after the harsh, silent and dead winter. It softens the blow of the cold and promotes renewal, offering hope for a new cycle of growth. That's exactly what Thranduil means to me. He's the one to regroup and rebuild and reestablish both home and hope, and that's so incredibly valuable to people after a period of great loss and uncertainty. He takes the hand of those who have suffered and helps them grieve, but also helps them look beyond that grief and towards finding new hope and purpose. Hearing his voice after a long, hard battle would be akin to hearing the first notes of the song of a bird at the end of winter and knowing that the cold will finally give way to warmth and all will be well.

Melkor, on the other hand, means change. He’s chaos and time and inevitability. All things change, for better or for worse; no matter what you do or wish for. Nothing is ever static, and that constant motion is only natural. Change is fundamental do life, life doesn’t exist without change. Change is present in all aspects of life, from the greatest to the most minute. A person may die or give birth, and that is change; or their cells might divide and create new tissues, and that is also change. Molecules will attach to certain receptors or promote the synthesis of a new protein, and all that will have tiny or immense impacts on an organism, like smelling a new perfume or the synthesis of antibodies that will help protect the body from an infection. The point is: life is dependant on change.

One of the greatest changes a living thing can suffer, and one that promotes the most growth is, ironically, death. The death of an organism is one that nurtures soil, plant and animal alike. A whole new ecosystem will rise from the death of just one being, and there are countless species that depend on that process to take place. Life can be greater and stronger after death takes place, like new trees after a forest fire or the fertilized soil after a volcanic eruption. Life and death walk hand in hand, one dependant on the other to exist.

Regrowth, in the end, is applied change. I think Thranduil is one of those people who channels the Discord around him and shapes it to his will, sometimes knowingly, sometimes not, but he does all the same. And I also think that his being is intimately related to the cycle of life and death and change, always change. He sees the importance of Melkor’s Song and Discord, he sees how life can't exist in the way it does without them, and he respects them for it. And despite the possibility of there being a better world in the future without these things, this is the world he chose to love.

For all those reasons, I also think he greatly dislikes the Blessed Realm and is, most of all, disappointed in the Valar. The Blessed Realm, also called the Undying Lands is an antithesis to what it proposes to be. A land without death is also a land without proper life. The immutable nature of Aman, a land where no being meets its end, where no leaf falls and no seasons change, ultimately stifles growth. It would be madenning to someone like Thranduil. A land with no contrast, with no joy and relief at the songs of springtime birds; a perfect land, where the trees don’t speak and the ground never shifts. It’s still, quiet, overwhelmingly so. It’s a type of absolute silence that actually feels dangerous, like a forest when a predator walks by.

Now, this isn't to say that Thranduil agrees with Melkor’s actions, on the contrary. I think that his love for life and its fundamental aspects make him abhor pretty much the entirety of the First Age. Death is extremely important, yes, but forcefully inflicting death also goes against the natural cycle of life. In this aspect, Melkor’s rage is the other side of the Valar's stillness' coin. He learned to appreciate the Songs for what they are and what they contribute, but he has little love for the ones that originated them.

In conclusion, when I say my Thranduil is a Melkorist, I mean that he has Melkor's Song as a driving force behind his values and that he respects Melkor for the essential aspects he contributed to life in Arda, not that he's out there doing human sacrifices lmao

[simandthedimbulbv2-0]

the lifetime achievement award duo???? thank you

Okedoke

Dr. Herbert E. Lipzditsch & Maxine Jichael

Lore: Dr. Lipzditsch used to be a famed plastic surgeon, but he disappeared out of the blue one day for unknown reasons. Rumours swirled about the incident — there had been an accident — Lipzditsch lost his medical license — the mafia, or aliens were involved— but progress was never made towards finding the truth, and eventually the whole thing blew over. Meanwhile, Dr. Lipzditsch was far away, starting a new life and a new career as a small town mortician. Though at first he did his duty making the corpses look peaceful and presentable, Lipzditsch’s curiosity got the better of him and he began researching more in-depth ways of giving them the appearance of life… or more than that, even. Eventually, a team of agents tracked him to his new location, and though initially cornered, Lipzditsch became delighted when it turned out the men were there with a request… a request that involved the recently deceased pop idol, Maxine Jichael. Maxine was a talented singer-songwriter who flew to the top of the charts soon after she began her career. Known for being as humble as she was creative, she quickly gained an extremely dedicated fan base who hung on her every breath. Even after they stopped. During a live show, a terrible accident occurred and Maxine was horrifically crushed by a falling piece of stage equipment. The audience, and indeed the world was inconsolable. But Maxine was far too valuable to be laid to rest quite yet, and her record company was happy to provide a certain ex—plastic surgeon plenty of resources if it meant getting their star back from the grave.

Herbert E. Lipzditsch

Herb’s two songs are Modify and Lifetime Achievement Award, the former of which is set during his time as a plastic surgeon.

Herb is one of three characters within this universe that have a greenish tint to their skin, the others being his cousin Oliver Stuf (of Market Land) and the unrelated travelling children’s entertainer Bartholomew Zew (of Gadzooks, Pumpkin Pie, The Saga of You: Confused Destroyer of Worlds, The Ultimate Showdown, Jaws, etc).

Herb is named for Herbert West (the lead character of the film Re-Animator) and Ernest Menville (the tritagonist of the film Death Becomes Her). He’s also somewhat based on J.S. Steinman (from Bioshock). ‘Lipzditsch’ was me trying to cram as many consonants as i could into one German-sounding name for the fun of it. If you’re wondering, it’s pronounced ‘lips stitch’ (with a slight z to the ‘s’)

like many of these characters, Lipzditsch is the ‘affably evil’ variety of mad doctor; he’s a genuinely friendly sort of person, but his sense of ethics and morality leave much to be desired.

His cohort of sinister nurses are the CEOR staff, a number of record execs who follow him around and hold things for him while he does the real work. Their uniform looks something like a cross between a business suit and scrubs.

Maxine Jichael

Poor Maxine doesn't come back quite right and has to be reanimated several times; she is the source of the freaky laboured breathing in LTAA.

Moves stiffly and sluggishly like a zombie most of the time.

Her most devastating fatal injuries were to her hands and throat, hence the emphasis on them.

Based on a combination of the two artists mentioned in the song, Katy Perry and Michael Jackson.

in case it isn’t obvious, Maxine’s name is derived from a spoonerism of Michael Jackson (‘Jichael Mackson’). Accordingly, her last name rhymes with Michael, if the spelling is throwing you off.

[davidmariottecomics]

Burning a Resource (Or How I'm Leaving Twitter)

Hey again! 

Yesterday, I drew and posted a little comic on my various socials (reposted here) about how I'm gearing up to officially shut down my Twitter. And I want to talk a little bit about why it isn't an immediate thing that I'm doing, and some thoughts I've had on losing what has ultimately been a really valuable resource in my personal and professional life, particularly in light of how it has gotten people jobs. 

Why am I Leaving?

The long and short is I can't ethically stay. I find Elon Musk to be detestable as a human being and wish him nothing but ill-will, in the same way that he uses his money and resources to push ill-will upon the world. And under his reign--because he certainly treats it as a kingdom--the site had gotten a lot worse in a bunch of ways. For months, people have been describing the overall site's decline into far right views and activism. You can see all the problems of greed and bad business sense at work as so many functions have gone offline or been shunted to only being accessible behind a pay wall. There're increasing problems of the user experience--I know someone who has basically given up on Twitter because the site makes them "verify their identity/that they're human" multiple times a day, and then directs them to the Twitter Rules, without any sort of guidance on how any rule that Twitter has may've been violated. And, yes, there are a lot of services that I've elected to use despite having compunctions about them, but that's uhh... living in a capitalistic society and having to make decisions on how far you're willing to flex and while that's not a morally great feeling, it's part of how we have to exist at the moment and being cognizant of the decisions we make around these things is an important part of navigating further use. And this point, I am not going to keep using Twitter. 

Why am I Staying? 

That all said, I'm not leaving this exact moment. I'm not sure of my exact exit date. By the end of 2023, certainly. But I have a few things I'd like to wrap up before I go, and I want to briefly walk you through them. 

First off, let me just say, this is also very highly influenced by my age. I am of the age when I have never worked at a company that didn't have a social media presence while I was there. I watched in real time as platforms like Twitter and Facebook became a regular part of business--through promotion and connections--and how that was added to workflows as I was coming up. I think a lot of the people who've had an easier time detransitioning from socials are folks who were not trained onto it from a young age. But that's not my case and I want to make sure that the business and personal aspects of my life that have been entangled in Twitter are compensated for in other ways. 

To me, the most important loss that will come from this is of community. And that's why I've continued to stay above all else. There are a lot of folks I'm connected to on Twitter that I don't have connections to other places. Functionally, I like Bluesky a lot. I'm about to hit 1000 followers, which all told, is pretty good. I have over 4 times that on Twitter, but I would guess a significant portion of that difference is not on Bluesky because it's invite only. And while I may have connections here and there on other platforms, they're pretty diffused and I am not using most of those platforms regularly enough to actually know who all is where. Like, despite everything I just about Bluesky, it's my second largest platform above Facebook (not counting the IDW Sonic Squad page), Instagram, and on anything else, less than 100 people are set-up to regularly see my posts, and that makes the way I use social media harder to do. 

And the primary way I do use social is to find and connect with creators and help promote their projects. So, this week, I'm setting my Twitter up with scheduled posts and through whenever I deactivate, I'll still have my posts going out about new projects that are important to me and to the people who worked hard on them. I think their work deserves whatever boost of recognition it might get from my social presence there.

In the coming weeks, my other big project will be to get as much contact info as I can. I have found so many artists that I really like on Twitter and I want to be able to reach out to them when I want/need to. I want to make sure my friends and I exchange ways to communicate outside of this. I'm taking this upon myself because that's, I dunno, my role? Editors tend to be the ones to reach out when we have a project. So I want to make sure I'm doing my part of be proactive about keeping that up. 

Finally, I want to make sure that I'm not completely out of touch with the other personal and practical parts of Twitter. I follow Genshin Impact because I think the game's fun. I frequently get updates on it through Twitter and should probably make sure if I want to continue those updates, I'm aware of how to get them otherwise. I follow journalists and sex workers and activists and unions and smart people whose thoughts I don't want to lose and dumb people who post real funny and just like... my friends and I'd like to make sure they aren't lost in the ether either. 

How We Collectively Move Forward Earlier this week, Becca and I got to do something pretty cool and talk to a class of sequential art students. If you were one of those students and are now reading this, hi! But we were asked to attend to give sort of a really cumulative look at working in comics from the point of view of an editor who has been at this for a long time and from a working freelance artist who does a lot of tabling at shows and indie work and is also still looking to get in and start doing work at bigger companies. As part of that, we talked to the kids about the advantages of tabling at and attending cons and how to go about meeting editors at shows and generally, how best to get the attention of an editor.

One of the things we talked about was with Twitter becoming less of an option, one of the more accessible ways to get on an editor's radar is going away. Not that editors like to be cold DM'ed necessarily, but as someone who has found a lot of talent through specifically Twitter and who recognizes that interstate, much less international, travel for cons is expensive and taxing, it sucks to lose that resource. And that's compounded by a lot of other resources going sideways--like, DeviantArt and ArtStation and some of the other art sharing sites have become hotbeds of AI theft bullshit and were full of NFTs before that. Some of the other potential social sites that could be used to promote your art like Cohost or Mastodon or TikTok are not always the best at discoverability or a good match to how you interact online (I don't really use any of those platforms). It's tough.

As has been said time and time again, it's neither fair nor particularly productive to have a significant portion of your work day be crossposting a million times and places and slightly different formats hoping to have your work hit where and when it needs to. Making comics is often a 2nd shift job, or a 4th & 5th shift job as you're trying to do more consistent work--be it a day job or non-comics freelance, plus caring for a family of some sort, plus the act of making art being a different job from the act of promoting it being a different job from the act of actually running an independent business to do all these things. 

My only real solution is, y'know, collective support. On my own website, I have a Friends page with links to the sites of people I like and have worked with or like the work of. I know that the Cartoonist Cooperative has a talent database of their members. There's a fairly new Adult Artist Webring. One of the best things I think creators can do with their peers is equivalent exchange projects--be that getting blurbs from or having your friends/peers post about your new project on their platforms, exchanging promos of projects on Kickstarter updates or just reposting each other's stuff, making ad swaps so if you have an indie project, you can put an ad for your friend's thing in it. I think other people should of course have Friend-type pages on their websites, and I am always appreciative when an artist reaches out or declines a project and recommends some other folks they know. It's a major part of how things build in this industry and how we do maintain connection outside of social media spheres. 

And, from an editorial perspective, one of the things that's really tough to navigate sometimes is how welcome you are in some of these spaces. I've mentioned Discords before, and while they can be a really great communal resource to the artists in them, there are a lot of very regular, valid reasons why artists might not want an editor in that space. So it does have to be considered and measured where and how folks are presenting themselves to get that visibility and traction. 

My last thought is y'know do try your hardest while also, again, accepting that this is a ton of work all the time and is often done on top of other work, to figure out what makes sense for you to reach out to people. If you aren't able to go to cons and meet editors, or you're only able to go to cons where you don't think many editors are attending, how do you move forward? Well, maybe your solution is to do a lot of anthologies that have a mix of talent involved and might get some extra eyes on your work because it also includes people who are known names that editors follow. Maybe your solution is to get an agent who can send your work out to editors on a regular basis and let them know when you're looking for work. Maybe your solution is to get a hold of cool comic and zine shops and see if they'll do consignment on your books, even if you aren't local, because they're local to where publishing is. Maybe your solution is to look up if a company has a talent director/scout type role and to reach out to them, rather than editorial directly. There are alternate ways to both social media and cons to get your work in front of hiring folks eyes, thought they also require a bit of leg-work and luck. 

Because I've talked about it a lot, here are the other places you can find me online. 

Bluesky Instagram My Website Patreon Tumblr Buttondown Linktree I am on Cohost, Mastodon, Facebook, and LinkedIn, but don't really use them actively, so not linking here.  You can email me, though I ask you please follow my rules on the contact page.  If we know each other, you can ask for my Discord handle or my phone #. 

Until next time!  What I enjoyed this week: Blank Check (Podcast), Solve This Murder (Podcast), One Piece (Manga), The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon (Book), Reverse 1999 (Video Game), Joe Pera Talks with You (TV show), Witch Watch (Manga), Freakazoid (TV show), Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Troy Little's graphic novel adaptation), drawing a little comic and generally trying to do a little more art to go with my writing, when the cats do understand their new litterbox. 

New Releases this week (11/8/2023): Godzilla Rivals: Round Two (Editor on most of it) Sonic the Hedgehog #66 (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: Knuckles' Greatest Hits (Editor) Sonic the Hedgehog: The IDW Art Collection (Editor)

New Releases next week (11/15/2023): Godzilla Rivals: vs. Mechagodzilla (Editor)

Announcements: If you'd like to have me on your podcast, Twitch stream, at your convention, signing at your store, talking to your students, whatever, feel free to hit me up via my contact page. To those first couple things, sorry a few podcasty/Twitch-streamy things have been delayed. We've been having some headphone/mic technical issues, but that should be fixed soon. 

Wanna support me? Visit my webstore, my Patreon, my Kofi, or my eBay. And you can always visit Becca's portfolio/shop/Patreon/Twitch streams too.

It may feel futile as all polling already shows we aren't being listened to, but email, call, or fax your representatives to demand a ceasefire in Gaza and the stopping of a genocide. There are also plenty of places to donate your time and money. 

Pic of the Week: Enjoy a little comic about leaving Twitter. 

[leonbloder]

Two Stories About Pearls

In Chuang Tzu's writings, translated by Thomas Merton, there is this interesting poem/parable I read and re-read a few times, pondering its meaning. It resonated with me and reminded me of a parable that Jesus taught (more on that in a bit).

Here's the poem in its entirety: The Yellow Emperor went wandering To the north of the Red Water To the Kwun Lun mountain. He looked around Over the edge of the world. On the way home He lost his night-colored pearl. He sent out Science to seek his pearl, and got nothing. He sent Analysis to look for his pearl, and got nothing. He sent out Logic to seek his pearl, and got nothing. Then he asked Nothingness, and Nothingness had it! The Yellow Emperor said: "Strange, indeed: Nothingness Who was not sent Who did no work to find it Had the night-colored pearl!"

You might wonder what this has to do with anything Devo-related, and I get that. Stick with me, though; there's so much good stuff in this.

First, you must suspend disbelief momentarily and realize this is a poem/parable, enabling you to use your imagination. While there may be no Yellow King in our reality, there is such a thing as a "night-colored" or black pearl, and it's still expensive.

The King's journey to the mountain represents his life's search for meaning and truth. It ultimately leads him to look over the world's edge and then simply return home.

But something gets lost on the way, his valuable pearl.

The pearl in this story represents the most valuable thing to the Yellow King. We don't know what it might be, but the King is desperate to find it, so he employs all the means at his disposal, emissaries of Science, Logic, and Analysis.

Finally, when there are no results, he decides to ask Nothingness, who, of course, had the pearl---perhaps all along.

You might ask, "What is 'Nothingness'?"

This parable has to do with surrender, a letting go of all the effort to seek understanding on your own terms, to find truth and beauty by your exertions.

This is "No-thing-ness," which means there is nothing except surrender that will help you find peace with God and yourself, which is most likely the best explanation of the pearl in the parable.

Jesus told a similar story about a merchant who discovered a "pearl of great price" that was so incredible that he sold everything he had to own it. In other words, he traded everything he'd thought he wanted for what he truly desired.

Jesus began that story with these words: "For the kingdom of God is like…"

His point was that when you finally discover the kingdom of God, or the peace of God all around you, it surprises you and changes you. So much so that you would be willing to surrender everything to attain it.

As Fr. Francis X. Clooney puts it:

"In Jesus' teaching, the kingdom is not somewhere else, not an extraordinary show that can’t be missed or that will never come. Instead, the kingdom is right where we are now, as close as our five senses if only we know how to see."

May we all learn what it means to surrender our efforts to try to glimpse our own "pearl of great price" as we search for God's kingdom of peace here on earth.

May we all discover the truth that No-thing-ness will help us see more clearly that our own efforts on our terms will never get us what we long for. It's only when we surrender that we'll know the truth, which will set us free.

May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all, now and forever. Amen.

[bitterseadrop-a]

╰   ──────  ✧   𝗔 𝗖𝗬𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗟 𝗚𝗨𝗜𝗗𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗 𝗕𝗘𝗬𝗢𝗡𝗗

𝗦𝗬𝗡𝗢𝗣𝗦𝗜𝗦.   Milou Mingate was once a well known bounty hunter within the human realm. Unfortunately, tragedy struck and betrayal fell upon her ── causing her to come knocking on death's door sooner than intended. The woman had always been an enigma, but if there was one thing she knew then it was how to hold a grudge. It is what prevented her soul from moving on and thus wreaking havoc in the afterlife; teetering on the edge between the living and the dead. The Future King of the Devildom, Lord Diavolo, was who would end up getting out of this miserable state and therefore effectively putting a stop to her crusade. In exchange, all he required of her was her loyalty towards him. To make due on her end of the deal, she ended up becoming the Young Master's attendant alongside Barbatos. Her efforts weren't for naught and she proved to be a valuable asset ── which is why Diavolo would turn to her for help when the Seven Brothers would fall into the abyss and entrust them into her care. Though it was no easy feat to be their retainer, Milou had prevailed and held the position ever since.

Do you wonder what happens after death?   It is a question pondered by many mortal souls ── those with a finite lifespan wonder if they are granted another chance when their time has run out, or if they are granted access to paradise. In the end, it matters little what your beliefs are. 𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗨 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗘 was no stranger to the occult, supernatural or powers beyond human understanding. Though she was no superstitious fool, what she determined as the truth was based on fact and experience.

Thus she knew that monsters do not hide in the shadows and aren't gruesome beasts that will hunt you down to death's door. The best hiding places were in plain sight. People seldom realise that the most cruel monsters are of their own kind, fellow man walking beside them in broad daylight. 𝗕𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧𝗬 𝗛𝗨𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 was no easy business and you were bound to make enemies ── even if it was an one-sided endeavor of the other party. 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗘 was well aware of all these facts, yet it did little to prevent the inevitable from happening. 

She was careless, her already hard-to-earn trust being smothered to pieces and taken advantage of. 𝗕𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗬𝗔𝗟; the one thing she despised but also feared the most. To be double-crossed by the one you thought was your most loyal ally is a tragedy indeed ── to quite literally be stabbed in the back. Reality is that when you die, your soul indeed leaves your corporeal form. But regardless of what deeds you have accomplished while alive, your fate had already been sealed when you came into being. A place in the world beyond had already been reserved for when you draw your last breath and it's time to move on. 𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 & 𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗘𝗥 has to be struck ── for the distribution of souls between heaven, hell and all the realms in between. The ones who are responsible for this task are called 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦.

𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗨 did not believe in fate; it would mean giving up 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗟 and letting the course of your life be determined by unknown entities. To do so would be akin to admitting defeat ── and defeat was something she wouldn't let herself fall victim to twice in a row. It was ultimately her anger and sorrow that would still cling onto this world, condemning herself to be in constant turmoil between the living and deceased. A spirit that was neither one nor the other, trapped in a state where she was left to lament what could have been.

If she could not find peace even in 𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗛 ── 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗡𝗢 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗. The lost soul took it upon herself to interfere with the flow of existence; none shall reach where they belong. Whether you are granted safe passage or are condemned to suffer in eternal agony ── it was a fate decided by the roll of a dice, its executioner being none other than 𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗨 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗔𝗧𝗘, though now known as 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗢𝗡.

With souls not arriving at their destined settlements, that her deeds of 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗦 did not go unnoticed by the 𝗥𝗨𝗟𝗘𝗥𝗦 of various realms. Not long after, a race began to catch the perpetrator and get rid of the disturbance with whatever means necessary. Although the hunt was easier said than done, 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗢𝗡 was an elusive entity not only in life but also in death. The endeavor stretched on for millenia, with the anticipation of 𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗨'𝗦 capture growing exponentially as time passed. Ultimately, it was the 𝗙𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗟𝗗𝗢𝗠 who managed to grab a hold of her first. Diavolo offered her a simple deal; he'd grant her 𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗥𝗬 in exchange for her 𝗟𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗬. She was free to decline his offer, but they both knew that the idea of having a choice was merely an illusion. No matter what hidden caveats this arrangement would bring, 𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗢𝗨 knew that it would pale in comparison of what others would arrange for her punishment. Thus a new alliance would emerge ── though it was yet unclear if it were for better or for worse.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔.   TO BE ADDED  &  verse / headcanon tag here. 

[asanee44]

WHAT IS A BABALAWO IN THE IFA TRADITION?

A Babalawo is a male priest in the Ifa tradition. His female counterpart is referred to as an Iyanifa. This individual provides expert advice and service in the Yoruba tradition as he must be highly knowledgeable in its rituals, lore, and history. Someone operating in this role provides spiritual advice and wise counsel to those seeking insight.

The term “Babalawo” can be translated to mean “father of the knowledge of things material and spiritual.” It likewise translates to “father of mysteries” or “father of secrets.” This is because Ifa priests are well-schooled in the knowledge of the Ifa Oracle. As such, they can provide resolute guidance to assist people in their daily affairs.

People consult these individuals when they need assistance with personal health issues, business growth, and fertility and marriage-related concerns. They can help with many life issues, such as illness, financial struggles, and loneliness, and even assist in helping others understand their destinies.

THE ROLE OF A BABALAWO

It is believed that everyone has a destiny written for them before they are born, predetermined in Orun (Heaven). The Babalawo’s role is to provide spiritual guidance and help individuals come to terms with their fate. And he assists them with alleviating challenges along the way.

This individual is considered a bridge between the Divine and humans. These priests provide divination and other services that require high-level communication with the spiritual realm. As such, they must master the Cabalistic or esoteric aspects of the tradition. Doing so grants them access to advanced knowledge and skills in making medicines.

These medicines can cure and prevent physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual disease states. Some of these remedies can be explained through Western medicine. But many of them contain spiritual aspects that are beyond the comprehension of modern-day science. By invoking and evoking spiritual forces, a Babalawo can manifest specific phenomena. He thus liberates individuals from the evils of both material and spiritual realms, known as Ajogun.

WHAT DO BABALAWOS DO?

Ultimately, Babalawos are responsible for initiating divination, interpreting the results, and providing guidance based on their findings. As such, their role does not stop with divination. Instead, they are also educators, mentors, and consultants as they guide people in the customs, beliefs, and wisdom of their ancestors and the Orisas. They are likewise medicine men who serve one of the most important roles in traditional Yoruba society.

DIVINATION

Babalawos are primarily responsible for consulting the Ifá oracle. They have vast knowledge about the 256 odus that form part of the Ifá corpus. This sacred script provides valuable insight into various matters concerning all aspects of life. It speaks to the many situations and challenges that we are all subject to encounter in this lifetime.

In traditional practice, the Holy Odu is the guiding force in a divination session. Ifa adherents are expected to follow whatever guidance is given to them through the Ifa oracle. This may include practical advice on what to do or not to do in certain instances. And it will always include an ebo or a sacrifice to one or more Orisa and ancestral or other spirits.

HERBALISM AND MEDICINE

Though many in the western world focus on the divination aspects of Ifa, herbalism is an integral part of an Ifa priest’s role. This individual prepares medicines prescribed during divination sessions or to be used in religious ceremonies. This is known as Akose or spiritual medicine in the Ifa tradition.

Akose involves the use of herbs, leaves, roots, and sometimes animal parts to produce medicines. Despite the importance of ebo, many people won’t experience relief from their issues without taking these spiritual medicines. These medicines can be in the form of soap, powder, cream, etc. And contrary to modern medicine, Akose can cure practically any illness as well as non-health-related issues such as:

Spiritual attacks

Witchcraft

Barrenness

Marital problems

Safety issues

Legal problems

Financial stress

DESTINY ALIGNMENT

Babalawos are trusted messengers of Orunmila as they work towards helping their clients achieve their highest potential and ultimate destiny. An Ifa priest is a highly-esteemed leader who has a deep understanding of both material and spiritual matters. He embraces and respects all other traditions and religions. As such, he can guide others on how to fulfill their soul mission.

LIVING A BALANCED LIFE

Aside from helping others, a Babalawo must also adhere to the principles of Ifa to be an effective practitioner. Such an individual must show reverence for Ifa guidelines and walk in the way of the tradition. And this individual must meticulously observe the guidelines of Ifa to effectively lead and help others. Above all, a Babalawo must live a life of integrity, honesty, and balance. He must live in harmony with man, nature, and the spiritual world.

REQUIREMENTS FOR BECOMING A BABALAWO

Becoming a Babalawo is not an easy or quick process. Before formally entering the priesthood, a candidate must spend many years learning under the tutelage of an experienced Oluwo or Babalawo. In traditional practice, this process typically begins at birth for those ordained in this profession. 

However, becoming a Babalawo typically requires four or more years of rigorous research, practice, and study for individuals who were not born in the tradition. One must spend countless hours under the tutelage of a knowledgeable mentor to become an adept Babalawo. 

Becoming a Babalawo also requires initiation into Ifa and further study with experienced elders. The first step of the process includes receiving the Hand of Ifa. Thereafter, the person will visit Igboodu – the sacred Grove of Ifa. This is a place where the formal initiation into Ifa takes place. During this period, the priest-in-training receives the gifts and power that allow them to perform divination and effectively guide others.

If you seek guidance from a skilled Babalawo, learn more about our Ifa divination services.

[auspex]

6.) 7.) 20.) and 22.) for Mark and Pory!!

YIPPEEE fun onesss

6. Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

IDK if this means natural laws or legal laws so I’ll answer both… 

Mark: Since he’s an academic he knows that laws, such as the law of gravity, are subject to change with new discoveries. But that there are ultimate truths in the world so it’s just a matter of finding the right one. Hell, his discovery of kindred sure disproved a lot of natural laws for him. Haha. 

And as for legal laws, as a historian, he definitely sees how they change and/or are applied differently to different groups of people throughout history and the present. 

So in a word: Flexible 

Porphyria: Oh please, she’s a mage. The laws don’t apply to her. Powerful mages can change natural laws, and even weaker mages can. Alakazam frequently just breaks gravity for example. Legal laws can be worked around. Like literally so flexible. The world is exciting and much more changeable than she thought just a few months ago :) 

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Mark: Nostalgia is often painful for Mark now. I started going into this with the last question I answered, but nostalgia for the Before Times (before being turned lol) are painful. After being embraced, he does enjoy some level of peace from seeing how far he’s come but those early memories were of a very stressful time so its a bittersweet thing.

As for what triggers it, certain things Sampson says would definitely do it, anything that references their history, really. He feels nostalgic for the Before Times while teaching his class sometimes too, but quickly represses it. And finally I think Rose would trigger nostalgia for the early times occasionally, when they share a knowing look, remembering their early time together when the coterie was very different and they didn’t trust each other yet. Another thing that will trigger nostalgia for the early times will be next new years, because that was his first day actively as a kindred. And his birthday as well, because it's on January 8, and Sampson tried to throw him a party. Oh and the movie Blade. lol.

Porphyria: Seeing her son and daughter would trigger it, as well as random details (explained below). This is an interesting thing for me to think about with Porphyria because as a time mage, she has a very different perspective of time, and as well as this she remembers an alternate past that no one else can remember. I think remembering that past makes her a bit lonely sometimes, so she doesn’t try to think of that often. Random details would make her nostalgic because of this - for example, in universe 1 Alburich’s mentor (Alburich is another PC) had a habit of rubbing grass together, but now he rubs leaves. So seeing someone rub grass or leaves would remind her of that alternate reality. and there's several small things like that that'd trigger it. But yea to actually answer the question I think she could definitely savor the feeling but in a different way than non-time mages do (and different from mind mages who have perfect memory lol).  She can trace butterfly effects… the strings of fate that shifted around… so I imagine it would be enjoyable for her to think about such things. 

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Mark: His honest feelings on the subject are that romantic love is something very different from other types of love, and something more important. I don’t think he’d go so far as to say he believes in soulmates, but romantic love is something special; true love is rare and valuable. To him it is a feeling of being in sync with someone else, not in the sense of being similar, but in the sense of just fitting together like 2 puzzle pieces. It’s someone becoming the most important person in your life. It’s devotion. And it’s trust and a feeling of understanding - yes the fact that his and Sammy’s relationship was a lie for at least 2 years hurt him very deeply. <3 <3 <3

So yea, he’d say the difference simply is that platonic and familial love simply don’t have that essential feeling to it, and that for the other types of love you don’t have to feel like you’re that in sync, or have that devotion. Other types of love could have some of those feelings, but they don’t have to, and it won’t be nearly as intense. 

Plus like, you know, for Mark, no split attraction model here (nor is that an idea I think he’d encounter at this time). He believes romantic love also includes sexual attraction. 

Now good luck getting that out of him unless you’re his long-term boyfriend or husband! LOL. Couldn’t torture that honest of an answer out of him normally. (Ok he would crack under torture at some point cause it’s not that shameful to admit and even he knows that but. The point is. He doesn't share these thoughts with others.)  

I re-read the question and see the question is about how he would explain. So if someone he moderately trusted asked, say Rose, he would probably just say that romantic love involves commitment and a deeper sense of care. Short and to the point. He doesn’t want to get into things much because he doesn’t want people asking about his personal experiences with it; he’s currently still closeted. If he did come out to Rose (which could happen) then he would probably mention how he feels it’s something really important and special. And would be more open to follow up questions. 

Porphyria: I think due to her time period she’d consider the differences pretty obvious, some standard answer about the commitment between a man and a woman. Plus with fate magic and the way she perceives things she’d probably give some fluffy answer about folks being fated to being together.  BUT different from Mark is that she’d say familial love and platonic love can be just as strong and important. <3 She also hasn’t really ever been in love - marriage was more of convenience. So i think she has *ideas* about romantic love but has much more experience with platonic (cabal) and familial (children and her mom) love. So may have difficulty describing romantic love due to that.

Sorry Mark, you ain’t a parent like her and your parents were kind of shitty. 

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

Mark: Possessive for sure now. Before being embraced, he would be aloof but due to the beast’s influence it has shifted to being possessive. Now what he would do with those feelings depends a lot on the situation. He’s somewhat self aware about it. If jealousy got REALLY bad he'd probably go to the person he’s jealous of to ‘set boundaries’ before getting angry at the one he’s possessive one… however, again he is pretty rational. If he believes its an irrational jealousy, he would be pretty good at not acting upon it. For example right now he is slightly jealous of Sampson’s friendship with Lucky but recognizes it is good for Sampson so doesn’t consider it a bad thing (quite the opposite, he recognizes that it is really important for Sampson, he just wishes that they were that close) and so isn’t going to do anything to hurt it. 

Porphyria: Hmm I don’t think she gets jealous really… her cabal are all like, super tight, and I don’t think its possible for any of them to seriously believe that anyone is encroaching on what they have. And she isn’t attached to her husband so doesn’t care. 

But if she were to be jealous - if she believed it to be irrational, she would be more aloof about it, perhaps a snarky comment or two. If she believed it more valid, I could see her trying to manipulate fate about it a little bit but more likely, since that’d usually be immoral to do, she’d confront the person about it if she believed she was Right to be jealous. 

[adwaitlakshay]

The most valuable ornament for a man is his character. A man without character is considered lower than an animal. Characterless people are the reason for all the sins and sorrows on earth. The strength, knowledge and energy of a person without character are used in useless and destructive works. That's why there is a great need for people of character to establish ultimate happiness and lasting peace in the world.

Character enhances the value of a man. A man of good character is respected everywhere. Wherever he goes, he establishes happiness and peace. Even today we take pride in remembering our ancestors. Have you ever thought that what was there in our forefathers that made them memorable even today? Although each great man has raised flags in different fields, some in the field of literature, some in the field of art and some in bravery, yet there is one quality which was common in all these great men. That wonderful quality is perfect character. Imagine any great man, imagine if he lacked character, would he be respected today?

The truth is that it is character that elevates a man. Otherwise, Ravana and Duryodhana were also courageous, but their name comes lower than even animals. You will easily find humans named after animals around you, Sher Singh, Gaj Singh etc. But the chances of you getting a person named Ravana or Duryodhana are almost nil. When we remember the great deeds of our forefathers, we get inspiration, feel proud and infuse positivity in life. The chest automatically expands, the shoulders lift, the spine straightens, and the arms flare up. But all this is fleeting. You read the struggle of Guru Govind Singh ji, Maharana Pratap ji, Dr. Bhimrao Ambedkar etc. today. Will be in enthusiasm for two days, on the third day again the same three leaves of dhak. But we have not learned to be disappointed. We will find a way to make this enthusiasm permanent and will try our best. The easiest way to make it permanent is to wear the ornament named character. Without good character, you will not be able to do much. No matter how sharp mind you are, no matter how smart you are, no matter how strong, rich and powerful you are, if you are characterless then you cannot protect yourself from disturbance, humiliation, sorrow and sin.

It is our ultimate duty to be virtuous because we are the ancestors of the future. Our present conduct and actions are the history of the future. The life of the rosary depends only on the order of the beads. If some pearls are taken out from anywhere, then it cannot be called a garland. Similarly, we are all pearls of the rosary of the world. If we cannot find a place in this rosary due to lack of character, then that rosary will not remain and there will be no way for future children to enter the rosary. By our today's conduct, we can make the path of life of future children easy and carefree, we can make the bushes full of thorns and dangerous. Can make fearless as well as dark and fearful.

If we do not adopt good character in our conduct, then it should be understood that we are breaking such a chain or garland, from which innumerable human beings could be benefited in future. It should also be understood that we have actually died, now only the body remains to be burnt. There is no relation between birth and death of a human being. Because there have been innumerable such men who have passed away after thousands of years or eras, but their names are inscribed on the memory card of the world as it is. There was a dialogue in a movie- "It is not necessary to be 100 years old to live 100 years, do such a thing in a day that people remember you for 100 years." It is not necessary to drink nectar, live this life in such a way that people remember it till the end of the universe.

On the other hand, there have been innumerable human beings whose names are not even remembered today. A person of character becomes immortal even after death, while a person without character destroys himself in such a way that his third or fourth generation forgets even his name. If a man wishes, by adopting good character and being virtuous, he can get the lesson of his glorious life inscribed in the world's memory magazine and can get a place in that great chain or rosary in which he is a great scholar, preacher, religious teacher, prophet, freedom fighter. Sangram keeps the soldiers etc. Every human being must do this because all religions and preachers have taught to have good character. By doing this, we can be helpful as a guide for the future children and can also make our present life glorious and valuable. Good character is a powerful weapon in the battle of life. No sorrow and sorrow of life can stand in front of this weapon. This weapon not only destroys the enemies in the battle of life but also generates physical, intellectual, mental and spiritual strength in the one who has it. His whole body becomes radiant. His statements are influential, and are considered authentic by the people. His resolutions are unbroken and firm. Struggles do not frighten him and pleasures do not fascinate him. He is always seen working with happiness and enthusiasm. He meditates deeply on right and wrong before every decision of his life and takes the decisions which are appropriate and gets involved in the work. Taking the right decision at the right time is the definition of good character in his eyes and on this definition he decides his decisions and duties. He does not hate criticism and does not love praise. He works hard and tirelessly in the fulfillment of his duties. In this way the character of his life is formed and this is called good character. Good character is a group of those small acts of a human being which are made up of truth, hard work, modesty, charity, charity, kindness, fearlessness, self-reliance, injustice resistance, duty performance, dependent protection, family behavior, social life, peace, love etc. Huh.

When a man imbibes a good character, then the subjectivity that dominates his soul vanishes. A person of character is a mine of virtues. For the attainment of a glorious life, first of all the purity of the character is as important as the fuel for kindling the fire.

[messiah-girl]

Villianous

An essay on being a broken woman.

I got villainous, a san-serif script afloat on a banner perched above a skull and a knife, tattooed onto my arm when I was still a teenager. The message I was trying to send was one of callousness, the declaration of a writhing and thrashing child, flaunting its own self-servitude, as if to say, I never loved anyone and never will. I was desperate to rewrite the narrative that was the unfolding of my life, and the only way I knew how was to feign having a marble heart. 

I was desperate to be taken care of and loved, having been on my own for so long, young and scared and floundering; I ran into the arms of older men, who, invariably, proved to be temporary shelter from an unrelenting storm. Still, I told myself it was I who was able to let go so easily, heartlessly detached and villainous. These themes have been playing on loops throughout my twenties. I viewed love as a game, one with a winner and a loser, and always resulting in either the high of a power trip or the low of feeling unwanted.

I'm still desperate to be loved, but the manifestation has taken a new shape. I'm more honest now, I think, with the newest iteration coming after a devastating breakup I'd endured, one to which I can not stop pointing at when things go wrong because it’s a convenient scapegoat.

In the months preceding that relationship, I longed for something meaningful and thought I'd found it, that I'd finally arrived at the beginning of the rest of my life, but it was all a farce; one put on, though through a careful doctoring of my own perceptions I did not originally believe, by the both of us. I can not speak of his intentions, but for me, the charade made for an excellent distraction from myself. I did love him, but I am capable of loving many people, most of which are not meant to anchor themselves deep within my life.

And afterwards, I dove into the sugar world, back into the arms of older men, all of whom seemed ravenous for my flesh. I needed to prove that I was both desirable and actively desired, sought-after, the detached recipient of resources. I liked it for how clear-cut it was, nearly everyone upfront about their desire to keep things at a distance. It was a beautiful thing to not feel deceived and to be compensated all the while. I'd always had difficultly divorcing sex from intimacy. That changed when I began to be compensated for it, at which point it became easy. Whether this was borne predominantly from the broken heart I’d sustained a few months earlier or my general disgust for the men I’d find myself in bed with, I do not know, but it’s clear the two played off of one another. 

I have left it behind; the memories containing an absurd, dream-like quality, as if my life was indeed a narrative written by a salacious author. As I recount the bizarre details back to myself, I understand what purpose it served, and, while it did bestow upon me many valuable things, being a sugar baby ultimately failed to fix what was fundamentally broken.

No longer can I rest my burdens on the backs of men - men who’d never intended on saving me in the first place. The realization came to me earlier today, as I was gazing at myself in the mirror, feeling half-way insane and like life was too heavy, laden with years to come. I cursed my ex-boyfriend, who has long since been gone and with whom I am genuinely over, for ruining me, identifying my downfall as the moment in which he chose to abandon me. It was his fault, I’d believed; never considered that perhaps it’s the things within me I’ve never contended with that bring me back to this point over and over again.