#ugh anyway fucking vegans

[deans-asscot]

God, vegans are the literal fucking worst. (Apologies to all the decent ones out there). I went to the zoo yesterday FOR MY BIRTHDAY and posted it. This motherfucker dm'd me all offended. Then had the gaul to compare Gaza, the open air prison, with zoos and how I "pay to see animals locked up and deprived of their freedom". The reason they brought up Palestine is cuz that's essentially consumed my social media for the past 8 months. The kicker??? Not ONCE has this person liked or commented on ANY of my posts about Palestine. In fact they themselves have shared very little if at all about Palestine. And now they have the audacity to compare humans to animals? Like get the fuck over yourself. Yes, zoo's are controversial, I'm aware, I guess we can just ignore all the conservation efforts and education they provide, whatever. But to compare it to Gaza?!?!?! And be more enraged about someone going to a zoo than about a literal genocide?!!?! Go touch grass.

[lackablazeical]

Struggled so fucking much with this UGH

Anyway Skywings are my fave tribe 1000% so had to redesign my old skywing oc!!!

He grew up in da mountains so that's why he's good at rock climbing, not very connected to their rainwing side at all, kinda does view em as lazy vegans n such

Uhhhh yeah idk what else 2 say lolz

[porlatamconlouis]

heyooo! jules here. i realized i haven't posted anything about the montevideo or buenos aires shows... i've been sort of on a weird mental space, in which i'm the happiest and somehow also mad? at the world? at myself? but anyway. this is about joy!

the show in mvdeo was amazing! my favorite so far before buenos aires happened. besides liam interrupting everyone's attention during giant rooks' set, the energy was so gooood. that performance of chemical, holy shit. oh, and i got to see three people at the back of the pit, when back to you started, one of them started singing without realizing and their friends were like "eh..?" and then the first person got sooo excited when they realized which song it was and started jumping while singing and hitting their friends' arms for them to realize what it was, hajshajsh. and then they all got it when the pre-chorus came around. it was so funny, and reminded me of the first time he sang it, watching the livestream with maia and how it also took us a few lines to realize but we were singing it, hajshajshs. anyway. great show!

we stayed at a place called 'casa vegana' (vegan house), it was sort of an hostal in an cute old building, and very big on activism. there were posters plastered on every wall. and vegan food in montevideo was good as well!

so definitely better memories were made in montevideo. :) even the ferry back to buenos aires was good! and okay... louis in vélez! what the hell. we were there? lol.

his energy, confidence and beauty were off the charts. not even the cold brought him down!!!

(fucking tumblr deleted a good chunk of what I wrote dammit)

i was saaaaaying... he could have used the catwalk more than three times. hajshaj. the energy in that stadium was so amazing... we were at the back of the front pit and everyone jumping up and down, and chanting on quiet times, and just... ugh. argentinian crowds are incredible! i've found my matches!

also... i'm sorry i couldn't ask tom about the color lights during beauty. i only had time for one question before he ran away from me and that was "what happened to lucia?". but it was a funny interaction, because he looked scared and amused that i approached him by name at the end of the show to thank him for his work, hajshs. and then when i asked about lucia, i was about to add that i was referring to the lightbulb but HE KNEW what i was talking about. so they know. 😌 anyway, he just said "couldn't happen today" or something like that, and i was like "why?" and he just shrugged and kept walking away and said i don't know while being amused and like withholding information. so there's that.

anyway, then yesterday we went to see giant rooks at a small venue, and pffft. i make a separate post on my blog, because... i'm still reeling from it, i think. they might be too, because they haven't posted about it, hhahshss.

anyway. stocked up on vegan alfajores (i had a flashback to the last time i was here like 12 years ago, and also bought so many alfajores to bring home, so to have so many vegan options so i could do the same? ooof! (they won't make it homehome but they'll last for a bit).

tomorrow we'll be on our way to chileee and soon meet up with andrea and alex! i'm sooo exciteeeedddd!

[canonically47]

thoughts on every ridonculous race duo including don at the beginning because i just finished watching it for the first time. continued in reblogs

don is such a fun host! he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, and doesn't push anything 'for the ratings'. and even so, he manages to have a lot of funny, witty moments. of course, chris is still my favorite host, but don definitely cuts it close!... especially because, let's be real, we all forgot anyone else in the universe. (don't come for me blaineley fans she's fine I SAID DON'T COME FOR ME STAY BACK PLEASE I HAVE A FAMILY)

the LARPers. definitely some... interesting characters. they're the prime example of total drama's flat and boring personalities, most of which were distributed in pahkitew island. i'm kinda mad that, of all those horribly mid and boring characters, we got the most mid and boring one back. hell i'd have preferred dave there, he'd had given us some substance to the story. i don't even remember the girl's name and i don't wanna google it. forgettable, but definitely annoying for as long as they were on screen.

the tennis rivals. good, but overhyped i think. at least, i've seen a lot of people talk about them and ship them, especially since their cameo in the reboot. i for sure thought they'd last longer because of that. i really liked their banter but they don't come close to my favorites. i will not be calling any of their agents. sorry :(

the geniuses. yeah they definitely existed! i mean their characters were fine and i really don't have anything against them, plus their concept is kinda fun. but i absolutely despise courtney's character and hearing her voice come out of another contestant's mouth made me hate her immediately. I STILL KINDA LIKE HER... like, her character design is fun... i just don't care for them that much

the vegans. they look sooo pretty and.. that is the sole reason i put them down as 'i vibe with'. i really don't care for them. i don't even know their names lmfao

the fashion bloggers. sooo fun whenever they were on-screen. unfortunately this show is so predictable and i can tell when a character's arc comes to an end and they're going home. i don't wish they stayed longer tbh? i like them but i think they've had their time. the wlw/mlm solidarity ever next to the ice dancers but we're getting to them. anyways, solid duo!

mom and daughter. ugh. fuck you

the adversity twins. i don't want to sound like a copypasta so i'll keep it short but GODDD THEY WERE SOOO ANNOYING. does NOBODY else feel this way?? i swear before i watched RR i only saw good things about them. HOW? LITERALLY HOW??? they are so fucking annoying and all they do when they're on screen is whine. "ooh mickey is allergic to breathing :((" "actually jay has a water allergy :((" AND THEN THEY HAVE THIS OP SUPERPOWER WHAT THE FUCK IS TEMPERATURE DYSLEXIA THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ahem. excuse me. getting too worked up over thE WORST DUO. SHUT THE FUCK UP let's move on sorry i'll control myself

the step-brothers. idk about you guys but they are really close to being my favorite duo. just... their entire gimmick is so good. the build-up to finding out they're so similar... ough the bros ever. i was so sad when they got eliminated :( they were so funny AND fun. lorenzo is higher than chet because i like his character design more. tbh they're kinda the same person to me? but this is a mistake i made before watching RR, thinking every duo is the same person. which they're not, i quickly learned. at least not most of them. but yeah these two were very fun, they bounced off each other very well. i really liked them. they should've gone further methinks.

[edwardslostalchemy]

Ugh idk why my family members have ganged up on me about my hair, but it's making me very self-conscious and i hate it. It's my mom and aunts. They hadn't told me anything about my hair before, but once I started working, they all decided to tell me my hair doesn't look okay and I need to get it fixed/done. And it's bothering me a lot because if they had such a big problem with my hair, they should have done something about it I guess since it affects their lives this much. I am open to getting my hair done as long as it can be protected from the heat. But I still feel awful about my hair sometimes and I have seen it as nothing but frizzy and puffy. I didn't have a problem with having big hair, I love volume! But now if I see it's a little puffy, I'm like 😢. And it's not like I haven't tried using hair care products on my hair. I use a vegan conditioner. I use a styling cream for wavy hair because my hair is wavy apparently. I started to use a hair mask. My friend gave me this Acacia oil cream to use and I'm using it now. I thought my hair looked great today! But I made the mistake of asking my mom for her opinion. And she told me it looked okay, but I should do my hair. And when I tell you her comment ruined my afternoon, I'm not kidding, I was upset like my hair isn't good enough for her, it's not good enough for my aunts. I'm so tired. They had NEVER said anything about my hair!!! And now they're saying things!!! And I'm like!!! I hate using so many products because my hair gets oily FAST. But I'm trying them anyway and I'm SO tired like it's my hair!!! I told my mom that I think my hair looks great and her telling me "but this and that" really kills my vibe. She explained she said "but you should fix it" for my interview on Tuesday. And I was like ???? She did NOT say that! But whatever mom, you justify yourself the way you want. I just fucking hate that they're all getting chummy like it's okay to talk about my hair and that they don't like it as if it's not going to hurt my feelings. I guess I don't know how to accept criticism, idk. But I do know their comments make me feel like garbage and I just can't stand it anymore.

[loamandlovechild]

this week has been hard. I had this idea for a really thoughtful, comprehensive post about things I didn’t know before having kids, but that would be helpful or at least worth considering.. but I’m just too fucking tired

our experiment with dairy has ended with.. explosive results. So I’m back to trying to figure out vegan toddler friendly finger foods that cover the food groups, have enough nutrients and limited weird shit, that he’ll actually like, and are varied enough that when he inevitably turns off one meal/ingredient/go-to combo there’s enough shit in the fridge or freezer that J and I can cobble something together quickly with minimal stress. LOL. It’s a unique fear (“wtf do I make him?!”) and it happens multiple times a day. Ugh.

all this to say! I’m pretty proud of our compromise tonight, under duress. Frozen vegan chicken nuggets, but with a homemade generic “Asian” sauce with minimal salt and fresh ginger. We even produced a side dish of steamed (frozen) peas! With lots of healthy olive oil. And he’s eating it! Thank god!

anyway. Parenting is something i will never be “on top of” and I have to try and find ways of making peace with that without getting totally defeated and defaulting to the bare minimum. And with my tempered? Easy peasy 🙃

[magiclynx]

Hot take: I don’t hate vegans because I have differing beliefs in regards to nutrition and agricultural practices than they do.

I hate them because of how they constantly rely on guilt tripping me and using our global climate crisis and other extremely upsetting topics to try and convince me to switch to a plant based diet.

[fantasmadelaciudad]

everytime a yt person talks about how LA sucks bc of influencers or whatever. theyre not wrong but also i hate them forever. 

[carmen-sandal-eggos]

Didn't expect to see gordon bamsey eat a burger in a duet with thatveganteacher but im glad he did

[noturmuse]

I'll never understand why people hunt for sport. It's disgusting.

[oflgtfol]

the factory farming system is a vicious cycle man. factory farms are where animals are being abused and tortured and factory farms are also what makes meat so cheap and easier for poor people to eat in comparison to vegetables ans Vegan Friendly Options

yes consumers create a demand that makes it nigh impossible to “abolish the meat industry” but also get this - people who have no money have no choice of where to put that money. theyre only able to buy whats available to them so they dont starve. i think its really obnoxious to blame the consumers when we dont want this factory farming bullshit either

[tony-andonuts]

Man I fucking hate vegan culture

[explosionshark]

i am so curious to see if you know earth crisis/what you think of them lol

okay, fuck, you accidentally asked me about something i love to talk about. so, one of my favorite niche music scenes to talk about is the hardcore scene and what spun off and evolved out of it over the course of like the 80s, 90s, 00s and earth crisis occupies such an interesting space in that niche.

bc like when we talk about metalcore now, we're not really talking about bands like earth crisis. we say metalcore in a mainstream sense and people think like oh bad omens, or periphery, or underoath or whatever, right? the -core in modern metalcore basically indicates like breakdowns, but the -core being drawn from is actually more post-hardcore than it is actual hxc hardcore. right? (broadly speaking, don't @ me)

but when it comes to DEFINING the very first prototypical metalcore sound, literally the melding of hardcore and metal, for me one of the first bands that comes to mind is earth crisis. that like 90s NY hxc scene sound smashing full into like bolt thrower, right? they're iconic and they cast a long shadow over the scene. and that's very interesting sonically and it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the ideological shit going on in the sxe and xvx scenes they were a part of. i mean, what a fucking cesspool those scenes can be. and, no, earth crisis isn't a hardline band but if you get mistaken for one enough times it kinda means??? maybe there's something you could be doing different????

but still: they were HUGELY influential and they really pushed a vegan message in front of a lot of audiences who otherwise would never have thought twice about it. that's something, at least.

anyway. all that shit is so fascinating. i could talk about it forever. which i shouldn't do, bc that's NOT what you asked me. but uh anyway

If I know them: 

Favourite Song: "to the death" probably no surprise that i prefer their animal rights songs over their anti-drug rhetoric lmao. this song goes so hard. the ending? if you're in the car driving to work and you're so so soooo sleepy and it's 6:30 AM but VEGAN FOR LIFE! VEGAN TO THE DEATH! hits you ARE going to sing along. anyway, at the risk of losing cred in front of hxc purists i will freely admit to thinking earth crisis got even better after they reformed. to the death is a sick comeback album - it's leaning more into the metal side of things, which is my preference, and it's fucking HEAVY. it just GOES, it's a chainsaw and it doesn't quit for like 40 minutes.

Least Favourite Song: ugh god idk. so much to choose from. first one that comes to mind is "killing braincells." now, here's the thing: i am a slither defender. i think it's a fun record. i think it's cool when a bands sound evolves, i like that there's groove/nu-metal influence here! they sound like prong! i love prong! and this song isn't even, like, bad to hear but lyrically it typifies the kind of punitive moralizing bullshit that i hate in the sxe scene - pointing at addiction and people suffering from it and literally saying "what is deserved is what they receive" like. fuck off already.

Favourite Album: okay as much as i love later era earth crisis, i do think gomorrah's season ends is one of the most iconic 90s metalcore/xvx albums of all time. so, it's tied between that and salvation of the innocents.

Least Favourite Album: last of the sane. i don't care about covers.

Song that got me into them: god, idk. probably forced march, since it's the first track off destroy the machines.

Seen Live?: no and i'm not sure i'd want to lmao. maybe if the lineup was good. but it would be a tall order to get me to willingly enter a space full of hardcore earth crisis guys

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 

big music ask game

[veshialles]

tongue is suddenly swollen, I swear to fuck if I’ve developed a food allergy after almost 21 years without, I’m gonna scream

[nat-20s]

Wonderful! Au Part 7! (also on ao3 here) another episode only installment, and obnoxiously fluffy! Have fun!

~*~

Martin, tired: Hello everybody! Welcome, or welcome back, to a very low energy episode. We have had, as the kids say, A Week Tm.

Jon, equally tired, but fond: Is that as the kids say?

Martin: I don't know, and perhaps worse, I don't really care. I guess I could ask Jeremiah next time he's over, but I'm not sure if that would actually help.

Jon: Shockingly, I don't think two year olds have their finger on the beating pulse of youth culture.

Martin: Hmm, maybe not. Speaking of Jeremiah, he's part of why the format of this episode is gonna be a bit different than our regular. On top of me dealing with a frankly obscene amount of inventory management, and Jon being swamped with grant writing-

Jon: I never want to look at proposal guidelines again-

Martin: we were on babysitting duty for our favourite neighborhood hellion-

Jon: Hey, Jeremiah is a very sweet kid! I know he's a toddler, but we shouldn't be slandering him anyway.

Martin: One, we're not even using his real name, I don't think that counts as slander, and two, exactly, he's a toddler, he's by default a hellion.

Jon, teasing: This coming from the person that actually wants one?

Martin: I..look, if anything, the last few days have shown we should not be permanent parents.

Jon: But?

Martin:...There's no but.

Jon: I don't believe you! Are you lying for my benefit or the audience's? Because someone spent the last five days wearing one of the largest grins I've ever seen, exhausted as it may have been.

Martin: Okay! Fine, I admit, I liked having a kid around. I still think it would be a bad idea to do it full time, but I dunno. I wish we weren't both only children or something. We would make such good uncles.

Jon: Should I should have taken that teaching job after all?

Martin: Perhaps. After all,

Martin, singsong: An English teacher, is really someone!

Jon and Martin, singing together: If only you, had be-come one!

Jon: Honestly, though, I was considerably underqualified. I'm much more suited to my current job, even if it doesn't have quite the same impact on the "shaping of the next generation" or whatnot.

Martin: Wait, you actually care about qualifications now? When did that change?

Jon: This coming from Mister "master's degree in parapsychology"? And it was probably around the time that the world ended from taking on a workload I was ill-suited for.

Jon:...

Jon: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Martin: Oh, of course. Definitely nothing literally apocalyptic in our pasts, no siree, nothing to see or speculate about or make weirdly involved forums for here. Uh, anyway, long introduction not so short: Both of us have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep, so any sort of actual research was not on the table.

Jon: If any of you are wondering why we didn't just say that we're both very much worn out and thus we'll be taking a week off, it's because we're both deeply, deeply stubborn.

Martin: It's one of our best shared qualities that has never caused any conflict between us, ever.

Jon: In fairness, sheer stubbornness does account for, what, 75% of the reason that either of us are still alive? And it hasn't caused a major conflict between us in a good three years.

Martin: That's true. We've become a deeply boring, relatively conflict free couple. Which fucking rules, by the way. To all the couples out there: I highly recommend being boring. It is so nice. We've gotten to go to the farmer's market so many times.

Jon: You do love the farmer's market. I would say that it's the access to fresh produce, but I think you just like the attention that one yarn seller gives you. Can't believe you would take advantage of a crush to get discounts on wool. How did I marry such an opportunist?

Martin: Ollie does not have a crush on me. They're just friendly to everyone.

Jon: Bullshit. I certainly never get an extra skein or stitch markers or delicate fabric cleaner tossed in my bag. Actually, I think I've been charged more for committing the crime of having married you before they could.

Martin: I'm..70% sure that's not true, but every sentence we speak, we stray further from even pretending to be on topic. So, to everybody listening, this is the itty bitty episode! Basically, we're only doing small wonders and user submissions. If you want details or backstory for things we like, too bad, come back next week. Jon, I believe you're first this week?

Jon: Oh, right. My first small wonder is cat names.

Martin: Delightful, but unsurprising. Though, I would've expected either more or less specificity. Why cat names as opposed to pet's names in general, or, like, military title names?

Jon: Well that's simple enough. I've simply never met a misnamed cat, even if the name itself wasn't to my personal tastes, and I think that speaks to the wonderful universality of cats.

Martin: This, of course, implies that you have met animals that were misnamed.

Jon: Oh, I have. I once met a papillion dog named Meatball.

Martin: Now I know you don't like food names in general for pets, but are you sure that Meatball didn't suit the dogs personality? I've known some "Meatballs" in my lifetime.

Jon, only half-mock offended: Of course it didn't fit, Martin. She was a lady. A nervous, jittery lady, but a lady nonetheless.

Martin, laughing: And what, you've never met a dignified cat with an undignified name, or vice versa? Would you be okay with our cat being named Meatball?

Jon: I would be upset if our cat was named Meatball, because we named her and we're above that sort of thing, but, technically speaking, she could have been Meatball in another lifetime and it wouldn't have been wrong. You see, all cats are a mix of both extremely austere and little baby idiot.

Martin: Oh, is that the scientific terminology?

Jon: It is. Now, while there's probably some amount of, er, normative determinism or confirmation bias or something that results in a cat with a more dignified name seeming to possess more of that austerity, as all cats have both, any name can, potentially, fit. Hence why it's wonderful.

Martin: I..accept your proposal for now, but I think more research needs to be done. Maybe we should visit the shelter this weekend and test your hypothesis.

Jon: Hmm. I think we may need to visit multiple shelters, actually. A large sample size is necessary for any sort of veracity, obviously.

Martin, imitating Jon tone: Obviously.

Jon: Glad you agree. What's your first small wonder?

Martin: Tofu!

Jon: I..didn't realize you liked that much?

Martin: Well, I don't get it very often since I know you can't stand the texture, even though it is not like 'worse scrambled eggs', and you're a horrible food thief-

Jon: Lies and slander. We readily share. If I'm a horrible food thief, you have committed the exact same, if not worse, crime as myself.

Martin: Well, we are thick as thieves.

Jon, groaning: You're thick as something alright

Martin: Rude! My beloved husband-

Jon: -uh huh-

Martin: whom I love and trust with my most tender of hearts-

Jon: -an oddly cannibalistic turn of phrase-

Martin, badly suppressing laughter: Oh, my god. I want a divorce, then I can put tofu in as many dishes as I like. I'll triple my protein intake.

Jon: It'd never go through. I'll burn the papers. No, wait, I'll burn down the legal offices where the papers are kept.

Martin: Hmm. While my experiences with it have been, uh, varied to say the least, I do have to admit that arson is one of the more attractive crimes of passion. I suppose I'll take you back.

Jon, flat: I'm so very grateful.

Jon, genuine: You do have yet to actually tell me why you think tofu is wonderful, love.

Martin: It's just a good food! It's neutral enough that you can toss it in pretty much anything with a sauce, you can bake it, you can fry it, whatever. Plus it's what? two? Three quid? I spent many years of my life living off the cheapest, saltiest approximation of noodles you could imagine, and half a pack of tofu, a little bit of sesame oil, and some green onions went a long way to both making it more filling and less sad. 

Martin: Plus, I feel like it often gets decried for being something it's not? It's so often viewed as a meat substitute or the vegan alternative option, and so when people try it, they often go in with a false preconceived notion of what it's going to be like, and then end up disappointed. They're all like, 'ugh, this doesn't taste like turkey!' and yeah, of course it doesn't. It's the oatmeal raisin cookie of the protein world, a perfectly good and tasty treat on its own, but if you want chocolate chip, it's not gonna work.

Jon: Martin you don't even like oatmeal raisin. I'm the only one that ever eats them out of the multipacks.

Martin: Well, yeah, but I don't like oatmeal raisin because of its flavor, not because I think it should be chocolate chip and fails. It illustrates my point. Also, just for balance, is your next small wonder oatmeal raisin cookies?

Jon: No, though, maybe one of these weeks. They are good. But no, um, my next small wonder is being married.

Martin, let out a high bark of a laugh: Being married is a small wonder?!

Jon: Small wonders doesn't mean a lack of importance! Or even significance in our lives. Half the time we even end up spending just as much time chattering on about them as the things we actually research. But, yes, I didn't feel like researching the concept of being married. For one, a lot of the history of it is depressing and patriarchal, and for two, it's not something I really feel any need to elaborate on. Being married. I very much enjoy it. I recommend it for anybody that's found someone that they want to marry, and who wants to marry them. I really recommend being married to Martin Blackwood, I think I would enjoy it significantly less if it was to anybody else, but one: we typically try to make the wonderful things in this show  applicable to more than just ourselves, and two: I got there first, so I believe the appropriate thing to say here would be; neener neener and/or everyone else can go suck it, Ollie.

Martin: Well...

Jon: Well, what?

Martin: Saying you got there first is technically not true-

Jon: What?!

Martin, laughing like a bastard: Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist! Jon, you already know that you're my first real realationship, how would be married before fit that?

Jon: Hence my surprise at the notion! I cannot believe you! I give you my trust, my earnestness, and belief-

Martin [only laughs harder]

Jon: and you throw it in my face for a bit. I take back everything, being married is a nightmare, because sometimes your partner thinks he a fucking comedian and you just have to put up with him because you love him and want to live the rest of your life with him or some such nonsense. Not worth it, if you ask me. My turn to ask for the divorce.

Martin: Babe, hate to break it to you, but both of us are guilty of doing bits that the other doesn't like, it's an integral part of  a healthy marriage, and secondly, you knew who I was long before I proposed. You should've said no when you had the chance.

Jon: Hang on, you proposed?

Martin: Yeah? This isn't part of a bit, of course I proposed. I'm even pretty sure you were there. The whole visit back to Scotland trip? I finally made you a sweater and said it was because we would now be immune to the boyfriend curse?

Jon: No, no, I remember all that, but it wasn't the proposal. It was a reaffirmation of the proposal. We had already decided to get married.

Martin: Well, yeah,, I wasn't just gonna spring that on you, we had had conversations beforehand-

Jon:  No, I mean, I had already proposed. I asked you to marry me a good three years earlier, and you said yes, which is a proposal by any definition that I know.

Martin: Jon, love, darling, apple of my eye, fire of my soul, I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Jon: In the ambulance ride when we, uh, moved here. It was the thing I said to you the second I saw your eyes were open.

[An audible pause is left in the recording.]

Martin: That does not count.

Jon: How does it not count?! I asked you to marry me, you very emphatically said yes, that's the de facto definition of an accepted marriage proposal!

Martin: It doesn't count because you were half-delirious with blood-loss, and I had a traumatic brain injury that the hospital was very surprised I made a full recovery from. No court in the world would consider anything we said then more than pain driven ramblings, let alone, I dunno, contractually binding.

Jon: Well, I knew what I was saying well and clear. Just because it was desperate doesn't mean it wasn't sincere. I didn't realize that you weren't as cognizant when you accepted.

Martin, snorting: Yeah, didn't really need to be cognizant to say yes. I've wanted to marry you since the train ride to Scotland.

Jon: Wait, really? Martin, we hadn't even been on a date.

Martin: And yet we were on the lamb together, which I honestly think is more romantic than sitting in some restaurant somewhere trying to get through icebreakers. Also, back up, from your perspective we've been engaged since 2019? What did you think we were doing in the interim?

Jon: Uhh..

Martin: Yes?

Jon: There are people that have long engagement periods, and it's not exactly like we were in any sort of position to get married for awhile. Especially not that first year.

Martin: Okay? And?

Jon: And..I sort of thought you had changed your mind. For awhile. Was rather surprised that you kept living with me, considering that, on the worst nights, I was convinced you were going to storm off and leave me forever any minute now. Hence why your proposal was rather relieving.

Martin: Oh, Jon, love. That is so very ridiculous, and so very you, and so very close to many of my own fears and doubts. Do you have any idea how terrified I was to float the idea of marriage to you? Half the time I was convinced I was just meant to keep you company until you found someone better. And, Christ, we'd, from your perspective, been engaged the whole damn time. Fuck.

[Jon, after a beat, starts laughing. It has a slightly hysterical edge to it. Martin joins in. It takes a minute for the laughter to subside enough for them to speak again.]

Jon: I'm rapidly realizing that our entire romantic relationship would've been, if not more successful, a hell of a lot faster if we weren't both complete fools.

Martin: You're realizing that now? I think I've known that since the CV incident. I've definitely known it since the Lonely.

Jon, with a slightly tired chuckle:Yes, yes, something probably should've tipped me off earlier. Shockingly, observation of our own personal romantic trends is not always a strong suit of mine.

Jon: Anyway, please tell me you have another small wonder, this has gotten wildly of track.

Martin: Since we're talking about marriage anyway, I think my next small wonder is having a shared reference in your wedding vows. Our friends had "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" in theirs, and I made Jon cry with a slightly altered Lord of the Rings quote in ours.

Jon: First off, we were both openly weeping long before that point, secondly, I defy anybody to have been through half of what we have and then have the love of their life look them in the eyes and tell them "Leave you? I never intend to. I am going with you, if you climb to the moon" without at least tearing up.

Martin: There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, either. Granted, the audience was only 20 people, but that was also literally the only time I've seen Eloise show a strong emotion, so I'm pretty smug about it.

Martin, soft: I still feel exactly the same, you know. If you're climbing to the moon, I'll make sure the rope is strong enough for two.

Jon, soft: I know, love.

Jon: Though, to be fair, the moon is also significantly more pleasant than many places we've been.

Martin: God, I hate how much that's true. Look at this barren, oxygenless rock, at least it's not actively trying to kill us. Practically a honeymoon location.

[Martin sighs]

Martin: I am so tired. Let's do the user submissions then take a very long nap.

Jon: Please.

Martin: So, first submission is from Josie; They find it wonderful getting cards from their friends. They say they're lucky to have so much love in their life and have friends that care enough to send them things. That is wonderful Josie! We have a drawer in our house dedicated to every loving card we've ever received since the move, and they're always such a nice reminder of the people in our lives.

Jon: We should really organize that drawer, but, yes, agree with the sentiment. Even the cards from people that are no longer in our lives are lovely, I think. Those connections are very much meaningful for both of us, whether they're active or not.

Martin: That's very true.  Next submission is from Lys, who submits the sound of leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. Ah, that's a classic.

Jon: I just felt myself relax imagining it. I wish it was autumn.

Martin: Don't we all? Alright, for the last submissions, I'm grouping them together as they follow a similar theme. Jadwiga submits the feeling of waking up well into the morning with the sun shining through the window and your cat laying next to you, and Oran submits when a dog falls asleep with its head in your lap.

Jon: I can heartily recommend at least one of those, considering that's how we try to wake up most mornings. The Duchess is a dutiful darling girl who spends every night with us, and she's usually still there when us humans rise.

Martin: I bet you'll agree with the other when I finally convince you to get me a dog for my birthday.

Jon: It hasn't happened yet, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Martin: But you don't even dislike dogs! You're just as happy to pet them when they pass by as I am.

Jon: Being fine with an animal isn't the same thing as wanting to adopt one for yourself! We don't even know if The Duchess would put up with a dog.

Martin: I bet she would. I bet we could get a big senior dog who's the calmest animal you've ever met with those soft eyes and a little grey on the muzzle and she would cuddle up in an instant. And we did say we should visit a shelter or three this weekend..

Jon: I think you're rather callously taking advantage of my exhausted state, but I suppose we can look. 

Martin: Hell fuckin yeah. So, I think that'll close out the episode, and as we always say at the end, uh, go take a nap and get a dog. Not necessarily in that order.

[fear-and-delight-l]

GENDERSWAPPED!LOSERS

HERE WE GO 

JILLIAN DENBROUGH 

-Jill is very avid about getting her sister, Georgia back. Well, at least the killer anyways. 

-Jill has never finished any of her writing, until she is an adult. 

-aRTiSt??

-Jill gives hugs hugs hugs!!!

-everyone wants her hugs. 

-ok, Jill is very sexually confused. Bradley Marsh is good looking...but so is McKenna Hanlon with her pink lipstick and her always good looking pigtails....then there is Sarah Uris, who is so cute with her blonde/brown curls and her little cheerleading outfit. 

-suffers from stuttering simp disorder 

-simp simp simp

-simp? Yes. 

-ok but I think she would like Plastic Hearts by Miley Cyrus lmao

-FLANNEL GODDESS!!! Has flannels in so many colors. 

-”R-R-Riley, stop m-making fun of m-my j-j-jorts.” 

-oh yeah. She is rocking the jean shorts. They either go to around her knees or near the middle of her thighs. 

-shoulder length brown hair. Screams bisexual. 

RILEY TOZIER

-just gonna put this out there, take it as you will, but her glasses make her look like a fish. Her eyes are HUGE 

-goddess or (what is a non-binary god? Godthem?) of dad jokes. But not the corny kind. The kind of dad jokes that include sleeping with him and “riding him like a horse.” 

-”so not fucking funny.” -Edith Kaspbrak, who’s dad isn’t even present in her life.  -yeah, bisexual.  -sexual for Edith Kaspbrak.  -And Sarah Uris

-And Bradley Marsh

-and Jill Denbrough 

-and Brenna Hanscom

-and Patrick Hockstetter (she regrets this. But when Patrick isn’t chasing her with Bowers and Criss and Huggins, she likes to notice that Patrick is definitely good looking)

-crazy wavy hair. Seriously, she wears it in a pixie cut, and it is CRAZY. But she help Bradley cut away his mullet. 

-the friendship dynamic between Riley Tozier and Bradley Marsh is UNSTOPPABLE!

-plays softball with Jill. She is pitcher, and damn is she good. (Jill plays third base, for reference)

-the girls on the softball team sort of like her, sort of not. She’s a loser, and they don’t like her because everyone thinks she’s queer.  -still a trash mouth 

-still a smartass 

-Rildeth? Edithley? Redith?

BRADLEY MARSH

-all right, here we go. 

-POWER BISEXUAL

-He came out to Riley, and Riley came out to him. 

-daddy issues  

-daddy issues

-daddy issues

-anyways, Bradley had a mullet that his dad made him wear, and when Riley helped him cut it....freedom!

-when he and the other losers are going to the quarry, he likes to help McKenna pick flowers so Sarah will have some to turn into flower crowns  

-is totally charmed by Jill  Denbrough. He is a simp for how charming she is. Bravery, art...

-Bradley also likes to draw. 

-Brenna may be totally smitten with him....

-Bradley is the same age as all the other losers, but the losers all see him as older. 

-hates his father, feels weak around him. 

-he and Riley often share cigarettes. (I love the friendship dynamic here.)

-Bradley has little freckles, and when he and Brenna get together as adults, Brenna likes to kiss all of them. 

-Bradley loves to hang with Sarah, and she is such a sweetie. She gets annoyed, but when she is around Bradley, she is calm. 

-Bradley likes to put his arm around Sarah, ALWAYS

-I’m in love

SARAH URIS 

-WE LOVE OUR JEWISH CHEERLEADER LESBIAN

-yes, Sarah Uris is cheer captain. The other cheerleaders are skeptical of her, but treat her ok nonetheless. 

-Sarah Uris is a softie who will tell you to fuck off. 

-bridwatcher. Sarah loves her birds. She likes to sit with Jill. Jill draws birds while Sarah quietly talk about the birds. 

-Brenna loves to play with her curls, braiding them and doing fun styles with them with the help from McKenna. 

-sundresses one day, shorts and a shirt the next. 

-her hair is so nice! Think...classic curls. Google for reference. 

-the cheerleaders don’t go to track meets or softball games. So, since Brenna and Edith are both in track and Jill and Riley are softball players, she goes in her own cheerleading outfit, and even snags one for McKenna, (who isn’t a cheerleader.) and they both cheer at track and softball. 

-must I remind you that Jill is a simp for BOTH OF THEM. AND BRADLEY?? HE CHEERS THEM ON TOO.

-one time Bradley actually got into a cheerleading skirt??!!

-anyways, back to Sarah.  -she loves to give everyone kisses before leaving. Here’s how she gives them:

Jill: cheek kiss, runs a hand through her hair.  Edith: takes Edith’s face in her hands and kisses her nose. Edith sometimes backs up a little when she feels a little panicky about germs, but always accepts Sarah’s kiss.  Bradley: forehead. She ruffles his hair, and sometimes, Bradley kisses her chin as she is kissing his forehead.  McKenna: near her lips. Like, the corner of her mouth. 🥺 Brenna: cheek kiss. She holds brenna’s chin while kissing her.  Riley: straight on the lips. Or the forehead if you song ship stozier. -ok, I am a huge fan of Sarah+Riley....but then there is Edith. Poly??? Possibly 

-anyways, Sarah loves to make flower crowns and put them in bradley’s hair. 

-she and Brenna are very close. If Sarah isn’t next to Bradley, or has Riley’s arm around her shoulders, she is with Brenna, either holding her hand or showing her stuff about plants or birds. She gives Brenna constant praise about the barrens 

-very grumpy a lot.

BRENNA HANSCOM

ok, Brenna is straight. I didn’t change that.  -Brenna thinks constructively, and is a visual learner. Constantly thinks about the future. 

-ok, she is so so so sweet. Likes to wear this cute pink skirt, but only around the losers. 

-POETRY

-She loves to read and wrote poetry. It’s so cute I just can’t aaaah-

-ok, so she’s on the track team. Edith convinces her in 10th grade. 

-HAIR CLIPS! she has them in her hair, and tons extra in her backpack. 

-Bradley loves it when Brenna plays with his hair and puts clips in it. 

-she and Bradley are very good friends. 

-she may be straight, but isn’t uncomfortable when Sarah holds her hand or Riley talks about her gay situation or when Jill tells her she’s pretty. She just isn’t gay but she loves and supports her gay friends. She even kissed McKenna in a game of spin the bottle

-poor baby has body insecurities...

-ugh, she hates Henry Bowers. But she loves ice cream! She likes vanilla because it’s sweet and plain. 

-when they have sleepovers, everyone always has a disc of New Kids on the Block to play for her (AAA!)

-Riley literally swore to protect her. Even though Riley’s sarcasm can be demeaning, she trusts her. 

-Brenna Hanscom, a sweetie that will fight for you.

McKenna Hanlon, the badass vegan who definitely has WAP. 

-ok, I didn’t change her race, she is still black. 

-McKenna is a sign of hope. Everyone feels so uplifted around her. 

-she has this signature pink lipstick she wears everyday the Greta Bowie makes fun of, but she still wears it. 

-she loves bubblegum. McKenna has it ALL THE TIME. 

-inspiration? Yes. She is a goddess. 

-ok, she is so nice, but that gun she has? Pennywise doesn’t stand a chance. McKenna is a fighter. 

-McKenna has these cute little pig tails that she wears with purple ribbons. Jill loves to listen to her talk. 

-definitely the least insane of all the losers, but girl knows how to have fun!

-not a huge smoker, but occasionally will share one with Bradley. 

-the friendship between McKenna and Bradley is impeccable. They are a badass duo. 

-I don’t know what her sexuality is. She definitely doesn’t. Although she and Jill got caught making out in a closet. They said it was no strings attached....suspicious.

-she is indeed vegan. She just has a special love for animals and can’t bring herself to eat them. She isn’t protesting everyone to go vegan, she just eats how she wants. She occasionally slips and goes for ice cream though😉

-at the rock war, after she recovered a little from Bowers, SHE BEAT HIS ASS!

-my queen, gosh I love her!

-she is so much fun to be around. One time, in the barrens, she installed a swing so she could sit in somethin because Riley and Edith and Sarah are always in the hammock together. (It’s bound to break). 

-need a therapist? She’s ya girl. 

EDITH!!

-ok, so this looks very soft girl, but Edith is fiery!  -her mom makes her worry a lot about disease and what not, but her anxiety about what her mom may do is worse. 

-seriously, she is scared of her mother. She doesn’t even know if her sickness are real. 

-anyways, don’t fuck with her. She will bite you. 

-no seriously, she will bite you. One time in a fight with Hockstetter, she bit him. She was worried she might have gotten something in her mouth, but Sarah calmed her down.  -she may bicker with Riley, but really, she loves her. Her and her stupid glasses, 

-anyways, she is a sweetie. She runs track, but as long as Riley is waiting on the sidelines with her inhaler at the end, she is alright. 

-someone give this girl a hug. 

-internalized homophobia towards herself. 

-she and Bradley are good, they just aren’t as close. Edith is closest with Jill. 

-Edith looks up to Jill, big time. 

-Edith hates her mom very very much. 

-she wears cute little tops with shorts or skirts. Occasionally she will wear overalls. 

-fuck greta Bowie campaign? Yeah, Edith started it.

-Fanny pack! She has an extra pair of glasses for Riley, Bobby pins for Sarah, an extra pen or pencil for Jill, a mini stick of Bradley’ favorite deodorant, hair clips for Brenna, and McKenna’s favorite bubblegum. 

-Riley calls her Eds. She hates it because it sounds like a boy name. She hates it even more when Riley calls her Eddie. 

-kisses tears away. Crying? She will kiss your cheeks and wipe those tears away. She did that when Brenna got cut by Bowers. 

-inhaler? Yes. It’s her little beacon of safety. 

-ice cream and comic books with Riley, bird watching and flower crowns with Sarah are her favorites! 

-doesn’t know her sexual preference, she’s just not straight. 

-butterflies always land on her when she’s outside. One landed on her nose once and Riley and Sarah started rock-paper-scissoring for who got her. (That was long forgotten since Riley is a sore loser.)

-my baby has long hair is very slight waves. It goes down to her breasts. 

-likes to wear Jill’s Flannels. 

-OK SHE IS SO CUTE IN A PAIR OF BAGGY JEANS AND A TANK TOP, WEARING SOMEONE’S JACKET OMG

-Edith is cold? Never. She always has someone’s something, whether it’s McKenna’s iconic leather jacket or Jill’s flannels

................................................................................................................................

Ok! Those are my headcanons. Feel free to repost, I don’t give a damn. If you want drawings or more headcanons of them, I am always open. I had this posted on my old account but that got taken down....I was previously coffeeandweasleys

@im-a-rocketman​, @nate-isnt-great​ @imreddieimreddieimreddie​ @ur-not-reddie​