#typing this update out on my phone
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Rewind Update:
I’m late.
Really sorry about that one, guys. Looked around, noticed the time, and suddenly realized two weeks had passed!!
The chapter is not finished at this time.
If there are any changes, I will update y’all much more quickly. But if I manage to finish it before the next planned update day, I will simply slap it up there instead of making y’all wait.
Again, apologies. :(
#Sorry this week ran away from me#I didn’t have a chair for a second there#And I can only write When Properly Seated#But also I deadass just forgot to finish the chapter#ahdbfbfjesl#I was so hopeful too#But here I am#typing this update out on my phone#Instead of writing#many apologies my lovelies#I will be back I promise#I got swept up in rl stuff and I’m reading atla fanfics rn so my attention got HIJACKED#apologies apologies I love you all#<3#rewind series#just yelling into the void#kiki writes#that feels disingenuous#I should have a twin tag#“Kiki doesn’t write. Again.”#\ (ツ) /#anyway love y’all my brain isn’t functioning rn at this hour see you at the next update <3 <3
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i want a 4 season long hbo show about the rise and fall of panic at the disco and i want it done in the style of david fincher’s the social network
#my phone deleted this post the first time i typed it out and updated the app#and i saw that sign and i choose to ignore it and retype it as soon as the app loaded again#mari.txt
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#nuzleaf#i didn't really like nuzleaf before psmd. and i still don't really care for it as a pokémon‚ but i liked psmd too much to not feel Something#y'know‚ just by virtue of this pokémon being a major-ish character in my favorite game of all time‚ i kinda like it a Bit more now#although i still don't like it conceptually that much. the design isn't my favorite and it didn't do grass/dark very well#meowscarada for sure did that typing better#i actually just realized i had a notification that you could see in the corner of this image and i just had to go edit that out#this is the first time i've ever had to edit one of the images of the pokémon for this blog‚ fun fact#in case you're wondering. the notification was the reminder that i have set to queue pokémon up for the blog#every morning at 8 AM it tells me Update ffp and i don't do it until i wake up so the notification just kinda sits there until i do it#but the same thing happens with the take your meds notification‚ too#so. i'm kind of a bit of a fail and i can't survive without reminders. if i need to do something i have to ask my phone to remind me#or else i will not fucking do it. idk if any of y'all relate but i think i'll have to edit the notification out of the next one#as well. so. see you in shiftry
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I HAVE FEELINGS FOR A BOYMAN
#sooooooooo BASICALLY i haven’t really been as active as normal bc of school and yk taking 5 courses is not for the weak but i am strong in#Jesus Name AMEN!! so this update might seem a bit random but ya we move. sooo this guy isn’t to be confused with pool table guy from october#that guy is cool and all but we only ever talk about anime and he leaves me on delivered a lot sooo on to the next ig but this guy that i#have developed Feels for issssss hmmm well call him Friendly Giant ™️ (FG) bc he’s like taalll (6’1 ish?) and dark skin and cute and all but#like he looks intimidating but then has the softest deepest voice and it’s all like aaaawwwwww#but basically he’s just this big sweet guy and at first i thought we were just friends and all but then yk you kinda can’t beat the Just#Friends allegations when you ft call a girlie up on CHRISTMAS bc she’s trying to figure out how she’s going to cross the boarder BY HERSELF#bc her siblings are of no help AND THEN when said girlie ft calls you the next day yall stay on the phone for 4(!!!) hours and THEN you offe#r to reach her how to drive and you brought her soup when she got her wisdom teeth surgery and when she bought something using your prime u#said she didn’t need to pay you back and when she insisted said FG GUY SAID AND I QUOTE “LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU FOR ONCE 🤯#LIKEEEEE#all this while tho i was in fairytale land thinking about how he’s such a great friend and la dee daa bc i didn’t think i was his type and#all that but then i was praying last night and the i was like Holy Spirit do i like this man? and He was like yes and you’re trying to#rationalize your feelings but you like him and he likes you#so nooowwww i’m all like 🙂👍🏾🥳😳😳😳😳😳😳#YK?????????!!!!!!#but ya that’s the latest update 😚#i like a guy and he likes me 🥹😶😃👍🏾😳🤯#mutuals my beloved <3#vk overshares in the tags
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okay weird tech thing? i was using the split screen app thing on my phone so i could actually reply to discord messages using bt kb just by typing into the notes app and copy pasting but then on the second one. turns out discord doesnt do its little boot out of the txt box thing if its in split screen mode anyway?? so??? cool?????
#some shit#yeah yeah the solve of. turn off onscreen kb when bt is connected also works but turns out i HATE it for every other use of my phone and kb#so ive just been using onscreen typing for disc but uh! hurts! adds more [gesture] degrees of achey the more i do it so.#also my final caviate isss wish theyd fix the base issue but also also im never updated that app again so. oh well
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i wish apple updates, ANY UPDATES, that change one small thing in the worst way possible while giving you no option to take it back, already having taken my info, my data, my privacy, now demanding what little joy and dignity I have left, a very much i hope you perish with fire on your skin and water in your lungs with the knowledge no one will ever love you and no one has.
#morg rambles#why is there an arrow telling me im using caps lock#did you chucklefucks forget there is a literal LIGHT that GLOWS when i am using capslock#did you fucker mouth breathing shit eating worm guzzling FREAKS not LET YOUR MIND PROCESS that when i am TYPING and i FUCKING SEE the lette#IS IN CAPS#I THEREFORE KNOW IT IS IN CAPS#I DO NOT NEEEEEEEEEEED#IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FROM#FOR AN ANNOYING LITTLE SCREEN ARROW TO TELL ME#i do not nEEEEEEEEEED for my phone is now AUTOMATICALLY blur my OWN FUCKING IMAGES for my wallpaper#WHY#would you make it a two click process TO SEND MEMES OR PHOTOS OR VOICE MEMOS when it was always A ONE CLICK PROCESS#i feel like they SNIFF out whatever actually works and then REMOVE IT WITH GREAT HASTE BECAUSE GOD FORBID WE HAVE JOY AND DIGNITY IN THIS#TECH FUELED NIGHTMARE#I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN#IF NOT FOR THE FACT I KNOW THERE IS GREAT PAINS ON THE OTHER SIDE I WOULD SWITCH BEFORE YOU COULD BLINK#i do not need the minds behind this to perish i need them to DIE with FIRE ON THEIR SKIN and WATER IN THEIR LUNGS#i need to get this out my system before i start foaming at the mouth in unbridled agony#that is all#thank you for coming to my ted talk#fuck apple#fuck updates#rambles idk idk
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I've had the new shitty tumblr layout for a while but...are they getting rid of icons, too?
I can see the icons of people in a reblogged post, like the chain of commenters, but the icons of the actual people I follow and use those icons as visual shorthand to identify are gone. 😐
Dash now versus what it looked like last month
This place just keeps getting better!
#sorry laura and andrew for being my examples but I NEED TO SEE YOUR LOVELY FACES!#and why put the reblog icon before the name? and then have 'reblogged' typed out?#literally takes longer to understand AND is out of order#tumblr's selling point is the bare bones level of web 2.0 customization and personality#that every other platform already scrapped while STILL losing money and they're...gonna copy it anyway?#bro i need me a fucking second job with tumblr. I too make terrible decisions but right now they only affect me AND i dont get paid for it#this is why I keep auto updates on my phone off. app is decent but desktop is shitttt#(which blows bc app can't handle me scrolling for more than 3 minutes before the lag becomes unbearable. unfunctional on all fronts lol)
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@bringthekaos
#prev#i will never stop thinking about pulse#i used to find excuses to leave gatherings because i got emails that you had updated#i admit i would do an office type thing where i would look at the camera with a “:|” face whenever a smut scene happened#but i do that with every fic#“heh. get a load of THIS guy” and its two men making out sloppy style on my phone screen so i just make fun of it before i skip over it#still can't get over the jumpscare#“WOWZERS!!! BODY HORROR!! This is so cool and suspenseful i sure hope it won't be interrupted by a freaky sex scene flashback”#then it turned into trauma#i love pulse of the machine
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The last like 12 hours have been one disaster after another tbh and I think I am mostly to blame
#citalopram withdrawals + too much weed had me puking my guts up#woke up sober but still feeling lousy. from citalopram withdrawals#i finally managed to go get my prescription so hopefully this shit will be over soon. hopefully#i’m not having any more edibles until i’ve been on this for like a week. i swear to god i can control myself#anyway so i fixed all of that but then realised i ordered the wrong circular needle#i’ve decided to try out those really small circulars for sock knitting because i hate magic loop and dpns are so easy to lose#and knitting with dpns just feels so dramatic for no reason#but instead of the sock dpns i’ve actually just ordered 20cm of wire connected to two needles that i feel will be way too long#which is fine; just need to cancel the order#tell me why i go to my notes app to draft an email (i neverrrr draft emails directly into my email inbox. i have had this habit for years#first of all the gmail website is janky and second of all there have been too many times i’ve accidentally sent an email too soon#so either ‘please find attached’ with no attachments or a contextless ‘jeremy i need help’. i also just find using notes makes formatting#easier but anywayyyy)#so i’ve gone to my notes app and all of my notes are GONE#i can’t even express to you what a disaster that is#7 years and over 500 notes. gone#all i’m getting when i open the notes app is a heading saying ‘folders’ (with no folders listed) and a search bar#if i search i get nothing; and i can create new notes and type into them but they don’t save#LUCKILY everything except maybe this past week is backed up onto my ipad and laptop; i just checked#so that’s all the important information. i’ve really just lost a shopping list and a couple of links#but WHAT IS GOING ON. at first i was like ‘fresh start’ but i can’t even save the new notes. i just have a blank app now#hopefully updating my phone will fix it. i have like 12gb free on my phone and over 30gb in icloud.. they wouldn’t just be cleared without#my consent. they’ve gotta be SOMEWHERE. i can maybe sync them back across from my laptop if need be#but whyyyy must they be GONE. the app just feels like it’s glitched out in general. maybe the app itself needs updating#if i was one of those girlies who uses notes as a diary and is really aesthetic with it i’d be pissed#i’m mostly just missing old passwords and random links and sims challenge scoring lmao#not to mention probably 200 email drafts and some bad high poetry#personal
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MY BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL SISTER BROUGHT ME A NEW LAPTOP. THE CURSE HAS BEEN BROKEN
#its not free but its costing me almost nothing#and omg it feels so nice to type and scroll and listen to music again#my old laptop could barely load anything#i was writing on my phone which is not my fav bc i get really disctracted#i couldnt listen to music bc the speakers blew out#nothing was updated bc i didnt have room#I CAN EDIT MY FICS PROPERLY NOW AND POST THEM#wait omg idk how to download photoshop its been so long....#ok bye gonna go play
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?????
Confession time, so when I was gone I uhhh started some arg. And I basically used the Crawford's likeness, to work through some stuff (with how I was raised by them), without their permission. That Is wrong, I admit that, they found out and I stopped working on it. Like they have access to the email I made for it, but now their getting on my ass about it updating?????
#Like it's not even published????#Why would I work on something I'll never publish?#and why would I if I knew it would put me in hot water#idk#I'm not going to lie#i'm scared#I've never seen Walter so mad#like it's different#than normal#I just ddn't like the look in his eyes#i'm used to a hateful look in Kathleen's#but like#it looked like he was looking past me??#again idk#I wouldn't care what they think if this wasn't so unnerving#I AM NOT ADDING STUFF TO THE WEBSITE!#idk I feel like I just gotta type this out somewhere#idk when i'll be able to post next#they're literally up my ass#Gotta be supervised#cause I may add another update#I don't even have a phone to use#and they don't know about the camera#ramblings#like wtf#seriously what's going on#anyways#long post#lots of tags#blog post
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I really hate feeling irrational and upset over food. One of the worst things to be upset about. It feels SO fucking stupid.
#txt#texas roadhouse fucked up my food apparently so I get fries and bread. and it's my fault bc i wasn't there to order it myself#(she didn't really word it that way but that's how it felt. like she was saying it's my fault. but im on new meds so i was literally asleep#+the entire time they would've been eating pretty much; i cant control when the side effects decide they want to kick in?)#anyway it's not exclusively this that I'm upset about anyway. like at least i still get a little somethin else yk?#but the other day my roommate came back with his fucking boyfriend from olive garden (genuinely one of my favorite places ngl) and they're+#+like ''oh we didn't know what to get you so we just got you breadsticks'' like. what the fuck. i mean i do like breadsticks but are you +#+fucking with me right now? if money is a problem just say you couldn't afford anything extra. Don't fucking pull that shit#we literally live in the era of smart phones. you can fucking text me. and one of the things i really fucking enjoy at olive garden? +#+LITERALLY JUST THE FUCKING SALAD. THE HOUSE SALAD. THAT THEY GIVE YOU. I am that easy to appease and you bring me. bread.#i love bread. but do you think this is all i subsist on??? it's genuinely so insulting and hurtful and I feel so fucking stupid for feeling#+that way#LITERALLY as i was typing this my sister text me again to be like ''sorry that came off wrong'' this does lick the wound#update we are now sitting here going back and forth trying to figure out how they even got it wrong to begin with 😭 im gonna be real with+#+you I'd bet actual money it was on purpose so they could push the order out quicker. bc what i wanted was their tatter skins and those +#+take more effort and time I'd wager. she said they were busy so I wouldn't be surprised
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🍉🇵🇸 eSims for Gaza masterpost 🇵🇸🍉
Which eSims are currently being called for?
Connecting Humanity is calling for:
Nomad (“regional Middle East” plan): code NOMADCNG
Simly (“Palestine” plan)
Gaza Online is calling for:
Holafly (“Israel” and “Egypt” plans): code HOLACNG
Nomad (“regional Middle East” plan): code NOMADCNG (can now be used multiple times from the same email)
Airalo (“Middle East and North Africa” plan)
Sparks (“Israel” plan)
Numero (“Egypt” plan)
For Connecting Humanity: if you sent an eSim more than two weeks ago and it is still valid and not yet activated, reply to the email in which you originally sent the eSim. To determine whether the eSim is still valid, scan the QR code with a smartphone; tap the yellow button that reads “Cellular plan”; when a screen comes up reading “Activate eSIM,” click the button that says “Continue.” If a message comes up reading “eSIM Cannot Be Added: This code is no longer valid. Contact your carrier for more information,” the eSim is activated, expired, or had an error in installation, and should not be sent. It is very important not to re-send invalid eSims, since people may walk several kilometers to access wifi to connect their eSims only to find out that they cannot be activated.
If a screen appears reading “Activate eSIM: An eSIM is ready to be activated” with a button asking you to “Continue,” do not click “Continue” to activate the eSim on your phone; exit out of the screen and reply to the email containing that QR code.
Be sure you're looking at the original post, as this will be continually updated. Any new instructions about replying to emails for specific types of unactivated plans will also appear here.
Check the notes of blackpearlblasts's eSim post, as well as fairuzfan's 'esim' tag, for referral and discount codes.
How do I purchase an eSim?
If you cannot download an app or manage an eSim yourself, send funds to Crips for eSims for Gaza (Visa; Mastercard; Paypal; AmEx; Canadian e-transfer), or to me (venmo @gothhabiba; paypal.me/Najia; cash app $NajiaK, with note “esims” or similar; check the notes of this post for updates on what I've purchased.)
You can purchase an eSim yourself using a mobile phone app, or on a desktop computer (with the exception of Simly, which does not have a desktop site). See this screenreader-accessible guide to purchasing an eSim through each of the five services that the Connecting Humanity team is calling for (Simly, Nomad, Mogo, Holafly, and Airalo).
Send a screenshot of the plan's QR code to [email protected]. Be sure to include the app used, the word "esim," the type of plan (when an app has more than one, aka "regional Middle East" versus "Palestine"), and the amount of data or time on the plan, in the subject line or body of your email.
Message me if you have any questions or if you need help purchasing an eSim through one of these apps.
If you’re going to be purchasing many eSims at once, see Jane Shi’s list of tips.
Which app should I use?
Try to buy an eSim from one of the apps that the team is currently calling for (see above).
If the team is calling for multiple apps:
Nomad is best in terms of data price, app navigability, and ability to top up when they are near expiry; but eSims must be stayed on top of, as you cannot top them up once the data has completely run out. Go into the app settings and make sure your "data usage" notifcations are turned on.
Simly Middle East plans cannot be topped up; Simly Palestine ones can. Unlike with Nomad, data can be topped up once it has completely run out.
Holafly has the most expensive data, and top-ups don't seem to work.
Mogo has the worst user interface in my opinion. It is difficult or impossible to see plan activation and usage.
How much data should I purchase?
Mirna el-Helbawi has been told that large families may all rely on the same plan for data (by setting up a hotspot). Some recipients of eSim plans may also be using them to upload video.
For those reasons I would recommend getting the largest plan you can afford for plans which cannot be topped up: namely, Simly "Middle East" plans, and Holafly plans (they say you can top them up, but I haven't heard of anyone who has gotten it to work yet).
For all other plans, get a relatively small amount of data (1-3 GB, a 3-day plan, etc.), and top up the plan with more data once it is activated. Go into the app’s settings and make sure low-data notifications are on, because a 1-GB eSIM can expire very quickly.
Is there anything else I need to do?
Check back regularly to see if the plan has been activated. Once it's been activated, check once a day to see if data is still being used, and how close the eSim is to running out of data or to expiring; make sure your notifications are on.
If the eSim hasn't been activated after three weeks or so, reply to the original email that you sent to Gaza eSims containing the QR code for that plan.
If you purchased the eSim through an app which has a policy of starting the countdown to auto-expiry a certain amount of time after the purchase of the eSim, rather than only upon activation (Nomad does this), then also reply to your original e-mail once you're within a few days of this date. If you're within 12 hours of that date, contact customer service and ask for a credit (not a refund) and use it to purchase and send another eSim.
How can I tell if my plan has been activated? How do I top up a plan?
The Connecting Humanity team recommends keeping your eSims topped up once they have been activated.
See this guide on how to tell if your plan has been activated, how to top up plans, and (for Nomad) how to tell when the auto-expiry will start. Keep topping up the eSim for as long as the data usage keeps ticking up. This keeps a person or family connected for longer, without the Connecting Humanity team having to go through another process of installing a new eSim.
If the data usage hasn't changed in a week or so, allow the plan to expire and purchase another one.
What if I can't afford a larger plan, or don't have time or money to keep topping up an eSim?
I have set up a pool of funds out of which to buy and top up eSims, which you can contribute to by sending funds to my venmo (@gothhabiba), PayPal (paypal.me/Najia), or cash app ($NajiaK) (with note “esims” or similar). Check the notes of this post for updates on what I've purchased, which plans are active, and how much data they've used.
Crips for eSims for Gaza also has a donation pool to purchase eSims and top them up.
Gaza Online (run by alumni of Gaza Sky Geeks) accepts monetary donations to purchase eSims as needed.
What if my eSim has not been activated, even after I replied to my email?
Make sure that the QR code you sent was a clear screenshot, and not a photo of a screen; and that you didn’t install the eSim on your own phone by scanning the QR code or clicking “install automatically."
Possible reasons for an eSim not having been activated include: it was given to a journalist as a back-up in case the plan they had activated expired or ran out of data; there was an error during installation or activation and the eSim could no longer be used; the eSim was installed, but not activated, and then Israeli bombings destroyed the phone, or forced someone to leave it behind.
An eSim that was sent but couldn’t be used is still part of an important effort and learning curve. Errors in installation, for example, are happening less often than they were in the beginning of the project.
Why should I purchase an eSim? Is there any proof that they work?
Israel is imposing near-constant communications blackouts on Gaza. The majority of the news that you are seeing come from Gaza is coming from people who are connected via eSim.
eSims also connect people to news. People are able to videochat with their family for the first time in months, to learn that their family members are still alive, to see their newborn children for the first time, and more, thanks to eSims.
Some of this sharing of news saves lives, as people have been able to flee or avoid areas under bombardment, or learn that they are on evacuation lists.
Why are different plans called for at different times?
Different eSims work in different areas of the Gaza Strip (and Egypt, where many refugees currently are). The team tries to keep a stockpile of each type of sim on hand.
Is there anything else I can do to help?
There is an urgent need for more eSims. Print out these posters and place them on bulletin boards, in local businesses, on telephone poles, or wherever people are likely to see them. Print out these foldable brochures to inform people about the initiative and distribute them at protests, cafes and restaurants, &c. Also feel free to make your own brochures using the wording from this post.
The Connecting Humanity team is very busy connecting people to eSims and don't often have time to answer questions. Check a few of Mirna El Helbawi's most recent tweets and see if anyone has commented with any questions that you can answer with the information in this post.
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why did tumblr app fk up double tap to like 🧍🏽♀️
#cryptic ramblings#uh this just in: i found out tht typing in 'crpytic ' in the tags gives u a bunch of headlines(?) as suggested tags. aight. unrelated tho#also idk if its just me/my phone/android or what but this is what i get for updating the app 😮💨😮💨😮💨#i did also go into my settings to try turning it off/on but the switch stays highlighted either way 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️#so thats cool#its a little thing i know but its like. ugh
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*family guy death pose that i don't feel like searching for and pasting here bc im fucking tried and for what tho*
ya know what i'm realizing. some ppl may have the show every line in tags option on in xkit (like me) and this would be better as a read more as to not annoy anyone bc i started rambling
i just want stuff to work. why can't shit just work lol. ive been doing the most who gives a shit task for 2 days, stayed up til 6 bc there was a problem and i am still here. each version of the app is fucking with me & the version i want to fucking use took 2 steps back when on my ereader and i wanna scream.
tachiyomi og - 👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles. 👎🏾 can only use tachiyomi's folder tachiyomi og - 👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles. 👎🏾 can only use tachiyomi's folder tachiyomi sy - 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾 opens epubs, displays their titles, WILL use og's folder in an update. 👎🏾 wont open epubs on my ereader
typing this out now im like 'who cares' like there are actual things to be stressed over. but like i just really want to move to sy bc it has every setting i want, it works with epubs; and it will support og's folder next update.
all good things i need on my ereader! but i think bc the ereader is on android 11 that it's not working like it is on my phone that's on 13. and there's a reason i want to move away from using zip/cbz bc it's easier to edit epub metadata & boox will just see & apply the cover. for some reason it won't do that if you use an archive file until you click to open it... i have almost 500 manga on here. im not doing that.
i can still set everything up as normal ig, and tbf j2k can read the epubs they just don't show up on the chapter list correctly. but i might just do that UNTIL THERE'S A FUCKING FIX FOR ANYTING
im tried. imma get a migraine over this.
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When they call you clingy, so you distance yourself | Hyung Line
Warnings: Cursing
Pt2, Pt3 Maknaeline
(X)
BANGCHAN |
You walked into Chan’s studio, quietly shutting the door behind you, as to not startle him.
“Hey Chris, can we talk for a second?”
You watched as your boyfriend of a year and a half continued to type away, not acknowledging your question.
“Chris? Did you hear me?”
“Yes I heard you. I just didn't answer."
"Well, it would be nice for a little acknowledgment, I asked if we could talk." You state politely. You understood that Chan was stressed, but you believed it was basic courtesy to at least acknowledge someone - let alone your significant other - when they asked you a question.
"Well, I'm kind of busy at the moment."
"I understand it will only take two minutes ba-"
“Dammit Y/N! I'm busy right now can't you see?" He snaps. Turning towards you and showing you the screen of his laptop.
You open your mouth to speak and tell him just why you needed to talk to him at this very second but he interrupted you.
"When we first started dating, I get that you told me you were clingy. I also get that I told you I liked clingy. But my god, Y/N you're not just clingy you're fucking obsessive. And always at the wrong times! You want space when I actually have time. Yet you decide to stroll in here trying to start a damn conversation when you can clearly see I'm trying to play damage control from a fucking dumbass trainee thinking it was funny to mess with my tracks. I'm already stressed as fuck about that, yet I have you breathing down my neck like some obsessive stalker. Like for five minutes just leave me alone!"
You stiffened at Chan’s tone. It was very rare that Chan would ever raise his voice. He managed his frustrations very well and was aware of how sensitive you were so he was always careful about confrontation.
He turned around and had his back hunched over his laptop as he typed and clicked away furiously, unaware of the tears that were quickly springing to your eyes. You were frozen in place, your heart beating uncontrollably.
It took a minute before you were even able to take a breath.
You stood there long enough for Felix to come bursting through the door to come update Chan about something unimportant to the task at hand. The same task that he had snapped at you for interrupting.
And you think that what hurt most. The way the frown on his face was lessened when talking to the younger male and his cute chuckle even popped out once or twice.
You finally were able to pull yourself out of the studio, leaving behind the coat you had absentmindedly placed down out of habit when you had come in and opted to take your purse.
The air was brisk and had that dry smell it always gained before it snowed.
Your apartment was close to the studio, a 25-minute walk at most so you always opted to take a stroll when visiting Chan, but you were on a tight schedule so within a minute you were in a taxi heading home.
And just as quickly you were back in a taxi heading to the airport.
You knew it was petty of you to mute Chris's notifications. But the fact that he snapped at you was just the tip of the iceberg. You knew that once he calmed down, he would immediately be filled with guilt. And you would rather not have your phone being blown up by multiple people at once.
Are you headed to the airport?
You responded to your brother's message with a thumbs up and turned on your DND before the screen darkened with a click.
You glanced at your watch and sighed.
You'd be on a plane heading home in less than an hour and weren't even able to kiss Chris goodbye.
(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
MINHO |
"You're clingy as hell." Minho mumbled under his breath, thinking you wouldn't hear. But oh did you hear.
"Lee Minho what did you just say?"
He let out a sharp breath and looked up from his phone. "I called you clingy." He stated boldly, his voice even yet loud enough to be heard by Hyunjin and Han who quickly scurried away to the other half of the suite.
"And what about me is so clingy?"
Minho chuckled sarcastically. "Oh I don't Y/N, do you want me to recap the entire day for you?"
You had joined the kids on their trip to Paris. While they had been here numerous times, this was your first time traveling here and due to the anxiety of being in a new place, you attached yourself to Minho's hip since it was your first day here.
You didn't intend to be overbearing, nor did you intend to be up his ass for the entire week and a half long trip, but you wanted to get used to the surroundings and you felt most comfortable doing that with your boyfriend. Yesterday being your first day you spent the entirety of it with Minho. You had noticed quickly how his excitement had turned into unease and straight up irritation after a while. It was a weird phase of emotions considering how happy he had been but you had amounted it to you accidentally taking a wrong turn and missing a fireworks show Minho had been talking about all day. You had come into his room early this morning to apologize, but instead were meant by an overly irritable boyfriend.
"It's because I've never been here before! Did you expect me to not to ask you to show me around?"
"Y/N there is a difference between a tour guide and a fucking babysitter. You pulled me along to everywhere you wanted to go. I had plans yesterday! Certain things that I was hoping to do. I made an entire schedule and everything, but just because you wouldn't agree to be toured around the city by Chan you ruined all of that. Then you spent the entire day just pulling me along. If you wanted someone to give you an overly extensive run down of everything and keep you company, why don't you ask someone closer to your personality like Jisung or Jeongin? I'm sure they'd love talking of the ears of all the local with you. Shit, you'd probably become some street show you three."
You sucked in your cheeks and took a breath.
"That was uncalled for, you have no need to bring anyone else into this discussion."
Minho chuckled sarcastically.
"Discussion? What is there to discuss? The amount of time I want you to leave me alone? Hell, why not the entire fucking trip?" He spat out.
"You're an ass Minho."
"Yeah well at least I'm not a pain in someone else's."
You felt your bottom lip start to tremble and your chin shake.
Don't cry. You'll just be a crybaby.
"And here come the water works." He groans as if he read your mind, getting up from his bed and heading towards the room where the rest of the guys were probably trying to keep occupied as to not hear your arguing.
"So what? You're just gonna walk away?" You call out.
"YOU'RE PROVING MY FUCKING POINT!" He shouted, finally at his breaking point. "It was a mistake asking you to come on this trip." He said turning around one final time and opening the door to the other side of the suite. "I never should have asked."
"Well you know what, maybe this trip isn't the only thing you should have never asked about. And I'm starting to realize that maybe it's not the only thing I never should have said yes to." You spit out turning on your heel and slamming the door.
You furiously wiped at the tears that were sticking to your face and threw your hood up over your head as you headed to your room to contemplate what would become of you two now.
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CHANGBIN |
It was irritating to you the way Changbin was interacting with the female barista. And the irritation must have shown on your face because when he handed you your iced latte, he raised an eyebrow.
"Is everything okay jagiya?"
You sighed as you guys stepped out the shop and started making your way back towards the studio. Changbin had been really busy the last couple of weeks with preparing for a special release and collabing with a few other groups, so you hadn't been able to be around your boyfriend as often as you'd like. So you had agreed on meeting during his lunch every other day, even if the times varied.
"You just seemed really flirty with that barista." You mumbled. "It was obvious she was into you too. I mean who wouldn't you're the Seo Changbin." You giggled elbowing him playfully. You pulled out your phone to make sure there was enough time for you to walk Changbin back or if you would have to take an Uber. You nodded at the time and swiped away a few notifications from Minho.
You expected Changbin to laugh or reassure you like he usually did when you brought up his flirty habits. Instead he snorted into his cup as he took a sip of the dark liquid.
"Jealous much?"
You laughed a little. "Why would I be jealous? She isn't the one who has been dating you for three years." You said hip bumping him, but he stepped away from you rather brashly.
"Well it seems like you are because you have to bring up me and my so called flirting ever single time I talk to anyone of the female species."
"Bin it was just a joke-"
"Well I'm not joking when I say you're acting clingy as fuck." His tone was way off and he seemed to realize the shit he was setting himself up to be put in because he stopped mid stride and turned around to you with an agitated sigh.
"Do you...I don't know want to run that by me again?" You ask, firming your stance.
"God, Y/N, don't make this a big thing. Its just been a day-"
"No, no. You don't get to use that excuse Changbin. We're supposed to talk through these things. You don't just get to say something like that and then act like you didn't."
You guys stood at an impasse for a moment until he spoke up rolling his eyes.
"Fine. I think you're being clingy." He said simple. "Jealousy falls under clinginess and I think you're being jealous so therefore you are being clingy."
"Changbin it was a fucking joke! You've never reacted this way before so I don't know why you're acting this way now!"
Changbin just rolled his eyes and continued in the direction of the studio.
"Seo Changbin, where are you going?"
"To work Y/N. You know, maybe if you actually picked up a more stable job then you wouldn't have as much time to be up my ass and exaggerating about things that aren't things you should be butt hurt about."
You stiffened at Changbin's low blow and took a breath.
"We need to fix this before it gets out of hand." You grit out.
"Well maybe I don't want to fix this." He looked at his watch. "I'm late now so why don't you just drink your latte and go home to cool off."
The condescending voice Changbin was using sent you over the edge. You were angry to the point of tears.
You chucked your nearly full iced latte at him. It hit his chest with a thud, and the coffee made a rather pretty pattern on his pristine white shirt.
"Maybe that'll help you cool yourself off. Fuck you Changbin." You pushed past him and waved down the closest taxi.
Your phone was buzzing in your pocket and you pulled it out.
"Hey, are you and Changbin on your way back? I need to go over some choreography and we're filming tiktoks right when he gets back."
You did the best you could to keep your voice level when responding to Minho.
"He's on his way back now. But you need to get him a new shirt because being the dumbass he is he likes to make a mess of perfectly good things."
(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
HYUNJIN|
You were never very happy having to attend events with Hyunjin. It wasn't that you didn't like spending time with him, or in turn spending time with the guys events.
It was just you felt insecure being the plus one of someone like Hyunjin.
It was no secret to anyone how those who knew and perceived Hwang Hyunjin's existence thought of him.
He had a beauty that rivaled any masterpiece that had ever been painted. The elegance of a tiger lily with the face of an angel.
You knew of many people who would jump at the opportunity to be with Hyunjin. For the past 11 months you had been with him you had your fair share of run ins with crazy fans or pop stars of the like.
Once your relationship had gone public a month ago you found yourself being compared to the female idols in the industry even more than you has expected.
It seemed to be the general consensus that not many people viewed you as "beautiful enough" to be with someone like Hyunjin.
You didn't take it to heart because you decided to have the outlook of nobody being beautiful enough for Hyunjin - let alone the people writing those hateful comments considering they were most likely delusional pre-teens who made the most out of pocket edits and were in desperate need of some grass groping.
But after a month it was starting to get to you slightly. Especially as you had come across one of those edits, since you had been tagged in it after someone found your personal account.
The amount of hate messages were starting to get to change your perception on things. Because the more you were hearing it the more you were seeing and believeing it.
"Jinnie do you think that my shoulders look weird in this dress?" You walked into your living room where Hyunjin was sitting. He looked up and a bright smile showed on his face.
"I think you look beautiful jagiya!" He said standing up. He looked other worldly in his tuxedo.
"And my hair?"
"Perfect." He said placing a kiss on your forehead. "We have to leave now if we want to make it on time. Or else I would look at you all night."
By the time you had been at the event for thirty minutes you already wanted to go home. You felt like the ugliest person there, and you couldn't help but feel the eyes of many people on you.
Ever couple of minutes you found yourself looking for Hyunjin's reassurance.
"Does my stomach look bloated?"
"Is my makeup fine?"
"Can you see the pimple on my chin?"
"Are my nails okay?"
"Do I look ugly?"
"Should I make my hair look like hers next time?
Hyunjin was reassuring you, but after the third or fourth questioning of the night his answers became generic.
When he was talking to an idol and his significant other you couldn't help but start comparing yourself to her. She was so pretty.
"Hyunjin should I run home and change?" You asked quietly in English. You were doing your best to learn Korean so it would be easier to communicate with Hyunjin's parents when the time came that your families were to get closer. You wanted it to be a surprise when the time came, because you knew how much Hyunjin wanted you to get along with his family, when when the time came to meet them - he wanted to get along with your family.
"You're girlfriend is pretty clingy isn't she?" The other idol asked in his native language, assuming you didn't speak korean because of your fluency in english.
"Yeah she is extremely clingy." Hyunjin replied. "Might be the clingiest girl I've ever met."
You looked at the other idols girlfriend and she made a face, and then laughed.
"You can tell she is a foreigner by the way she acts. No one is ever as clingy as foreign partners." She joked and all three of them were laughing.
Well there is the hundredth insecurity to list.
You looked at them and tried to control your facial expressions.
"We were just telling him that you are so adorable." The girl told you.
You chuckled uncomfortably and looked over at Hyunjin. He smiled and blinked cutely at you.
You smiled back as Hyunjin turned towards the couple again to continue his conversation.
And all you could do was smile back as you pretended to not understand the words Hyunjin didn’t even realize hurt you.
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