#ty to the writing challenge cause I am so inspired

[theimperialnuisance]

FFXIV Write 2023 || FFXIV Write info\\Prompt list\\Character info \\Master post ||

Prompt 26: Last

on the last occasion before the present; previously.

Character(s): Kien Eilath, Crystal Exarch (Eulmore ShB AU)  Cw: none Word count: 1572 Notes: This is a continuation from day 14 and part of the Eulmore ShB AU! Super happy the word works for the next part I was thinking of :3 Readmore for length and there will probably be more added to this later as I am getting way too invested in this AU XD

Despite waking up that morning feeling miserable, Kien reported to work. He didn’t really have much of a choice anyway as sick days weren’t really allowed but if one was lucky to have the favor of the manager maybe they could have an easier job for the night shift. 

Kien didn’t have that favor unfortunately so when the daily cleaning was done and he was given his assignment for the evening, he had to hold back a groan. He was to make his rounds in the club as well as dance at least three choreographed dances on the stage. Great. Just great. This was going to be a long night and he could barely get through the day with how awful he felt. 

As expected, the night dragged on. Kien did his best to make his rounds with the patrons, making sure to not let anyone catch on to the fact that he wasn’t feeling so great. No one was allowed to be sick and he didn’t want any of his regulars to possibly complain about his lower performance because of that. It was after he stepped off the stage from his third choreographed dance that he began to feel himself fading but when one of his fellow Honeybees informed him that his mysterious regular was at the Bee Hive tonight, it seemed to give him renewed energy.

Kien was hesitant at first to approach him; the last time he had seen the hooded patron almost a fortnight now, things didn’t end well as the mystel had sorely misjudged the situation between them and while Kien had plenty of time to move on, seeing him again in his usual spot made it feel as if nothing had really changed and this was a usual night of his visits. 

As much as Kien was tempted to just let someone else take care of the man tonight, he knew no one else would. There was an unspoken rule that no Honeybee should take another’s regular and since Kien kept quiet about the previous encounter, no one was any wiser and it was up to him. “Every patron must be tended to” is what the manager always said so if gods forbid were to come out and see one patron not taken care of, the blame would fall on him.With no where else to go, he couldn’t afford any mistakes. Gods, why am I doing this to myself?

Once the fresh pot of tea was made, Kien gathered his courage and made way to the corner table, his heart pounding in his ears. The man looked up and spotted him, a fond smile spreading across his face beneath the shadow of his hood–Kien hoped he was able to keep his expression in check and thanked the gods that the room was too dark to really see the fact that his cheeks were dusting a shade of pink.  

“So we meet again,” the man said in his oh-so-sweet voice. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d ever come back,” Kien said shly as he set the tea tray down and slid into the chair across from him, his ears pressing back a bit against his head. “The last time when I admitted I’d try and earn my freedom for you–I thought I may have scared you away.” 

The smile on the man’s face dropped a little but it was hard to really know if it was from anger or something else. “I apologize for that,” he said quietly. “I left you at your most vulnerable time. I should have stayed and explained myself better.” 

“So I didn’t misjudge what was between us?” Kien asked before he could stop himself. He almost wanted to laugh in relief when the man slowly nodded his head. 

“More than anything, I would like for you to be free of this place so we can meet without any risks.” The man said sincerely. “However, I still don’t think you should try to win Vauthry’s favor to do it and while I still cannot tell you everything just yet, I promise I will be able to get you out of here soon.”

“How exactly do you plan to do that?” Kien asked doubtfully. “My whole life is in this place. I don’t exactly get to walk out of here on my own accord and I’m not sure what kind of authority you have, no offense.” 

The man raised his hands, nodding his head. “None taken my friend. You have every right to be doubtful.” he paused, pressing his lips into a thin line. “May I ask you if you can recall anything of your life before beginning your work here?” 

Kien blinked. What an odd question. But now that he thought about it… “No, not really.” 

“I feared as much.” The man pressed his lips into a small frown as he continued. “Tell me, what is all you remember before now?” 

“I…I was found just outside the gates of the city about a year ago,” Kien began slowly as he carded a hand through his hair. “I couldn’t remember anything aside from my name. They told me I was likely a survivor of a Sin Eater attack and since I had no one to turn to or no where to go, they took me in which apparently not everyone is lucky to be taken under a sponsorship so easily but my manager kept telling me I was an exception…” Kien paused, realizing he was beginning to ramble a bit. “Sorry, but why are you asking this?”

The man hesitated on his reply. “You were never supposed to be here when you arrived.” Kien tilted his head at him in confusion and the man continued, leaning in to keep the conversation quiet. “What I mean is that you actually have a life outside of this place. Friends who care–a family even, all back home waiting for you. Somehow, in my error of summoning you to me, you wound up here instead with no memories. I’m not sure as to why they took you in but I’m starting to fear they might have done it because they know who you truly are by now and they’re going to hurt you to try and get to me.” 

Kien raised an incredulous eyebrow at him, feeling the oncoming of a headache with all of this new information. “You’re not making any sense.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” The man frowned. “Trust me, it will all make sense soon but not until I get you out of here but I just need more–” he suddenly cut off, reaching out a hand to place on Kien’s forehead. Kien tried to shy away from the sudden contact but he practically leaned into the touch instead. “Kien, you’re hot.” 

“Oh–I am?” Kien asked with a gentle hum. Was he trying to flirt now? He couldn’t really tell anymore–the information he had just been given was making him dizzy. 

“Yes, you’re burning up.” The worry was evident in his voice. Ok so not flirting. It was concern. “You’re sick and they have you working?” 

Kien gently pulled away from the man’s touch, not sure why he was embarrassed to admit this. “Sick days don’t really exist here. I was feeling a little off today but nothing I can’t handle.” 

“No, this might work to my advantage.” The man suddenly stood. “Stay here, I’ll be back.” 

Kien paled. “Where are you going?” 

“To talk to your manager. I’m taking you out of here so you can rest.”

“That’s not going to be easy. How exactly do you plan to do that?” 

A small smile spread across his face. “I have my methods.” And with that he turned on his heel and left into the crowd of the club.

Kien sat there, his head spinning though he wasn’t sure if it was from his fever or from the information overload of what the man was trying to tell him–maybe both. He let out a sigh, laying his head down on the table, starting to really feel the exhaustion setting in. What exactly did the man mean by all of that? What sort of danger could he be in? As he tried to make sense of everything, he felt his head pound even worse than before. He wasn’t sure when he had closed his eyes but he was suddenly alerted back to reality when the man shook his shoulder gently but urgently.

“Come, we don’t have much time.” 

“What–wait, what did you do?” 

“Not now, I’ll tell you later but if we don’t go now, this will be for naught.” The man said urgently as he helped heave Kien to his feet and handed him a heavy cloak. “Here, put this on and keep your head down.” He didn’t leave room for Kien to ask any question, his tone final. Still unsure as to why he was doing this or what exactly was happening, Kien obeyed, knowing he could somehow trust what was happening. Once he was under the concealment of the cloak, the man walked with purpose out of the club and down a set of stairs just outside the doors.

“Where are we going?” Kien asked quietly as he leaned heavily on the man’s side who despite his small frame was able to support him with ease. 

“To the Crystarium.” He replied. “To your friends. I’m taking you back to where you truly belong.” 

[downfallofi]

Hi!!! Some asks for you, if you’re still up for it<33 Ty!!

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

palm tree ⇢ do you have a fictional villain you shouldn’t like but love regardless?

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

chamomile ⇢ what kind of things do you like receiving as gifts?

First of all, I AM, thank you for asking 🥹❤️ With the caveat that some of these are going to be long answers, not because I can communicate effectively but because of the over explaining leading to chattiness. Still yes love questions hit me.

Orchid - Excellent god damned question, and my mind immediately goes to "Black" by Pearl Jam because I grew up wearing out borrowed tapes in the grunge era from my brother, and Ten is an absolute masterpiece of an album with "Black" as it's magnum opus, but also maybe because I can sing it fairly well at karaoke; Also, "Can the Circle Be Unbroken" by the Carter Family ranks up there.

Mahonia - I mean I question how inspired I ever am anymore 😅😅 Im kind of a long expired gifted kid burnout. But sunsets always instill emotion in me, the night coming on makes me more in tune with it feeling like "my time" because it gets quieter/less busy. I mostly express it by scribbling in my notebook and venting feelings here.

Daffodil - I have two older brothers, my sister the oldest and a younger stepsister (I was the baby, at one point) I think I'm... similar to them in that we all were raised in the shadow of our father, who is a narcissist and abuser who left his mark on all of us, pushed one to murder, and kind of all of us to coping mechanisms. And I dunno. I worry. I fear that like. Of all of us, Im the most my fathers son because I LOOK the most like him, everyone tells me that. I have his exact same voice. I have his temper. His instincts for parenting occur to me sometimes and it frightens the shit out of me. I relate to my sister that way because she feels that too, and her raising my nieces can be a challenge. I worry about her too in that regard. And sometimes her version of our dad's narcissism, saying the things he would say or treating the kids the way he would kinda pisses me off. But in the end, Im not like most of them because for so long, I was treated like the disappointment, the failure to launch, but at least I didn't end up in prison so. I don't know, you tell me. Maybe we're all kinda screwups in our own way, or trying our best to get from under that. All in how you look at it, I suppose.

Camellia - Oh man, I was a weird little nerd that loved reading, loved comic books, loved energetically talking about dinosaurs and grew up loving Star Wars expanded universe novels so much that I grew my own pretend Skywalkersona, loved Mad magazines, Isaac Asimov novels in the fourth grade, loved writing superhero stories on loose paper written on an old typewriter, loved creating mini comic strips with my own superheroes and had no friends until late middle school in my isolated, ten acre house out in the country. I dunno, a lot of my adult years has been feeling like I've been dead inside because in a lot of ways it feels like I lost the ability to love things as passionately and with as much joy as that little boy; cause I was kicked out of that house when I was seventeen; because every friend I ever made left or was gone; and because my dad and the world all beat into me that those things that gave me joys and passions were stupid and childish. I have been trying to be kinder to myself now, and reconnect with things that make me happy even if it's hard to know how. Sorry, long, complicated answer. Life is hard.

Ivy - I've been told I can be kind of aloof, or awkward, but I don't think that's quite true. I think I have a hard time connecting. But when I can relax, and am able to let someone in, then they can tell easier when Im in a good mood, when Im feeling lower, when I get quiet.

Palm tree - I love all villains, because the villain is usually more interesting and has better motivations than the hero (or at least, more relatable, to me) but the one I shouldnt like, in retrospect, is Randall Flagg from the Dark Tower and the Stand series, not only because ugh, sorry Stephen, but older Stephen King books and especially the Dark Tower cycle contains some utterly cringey racist tropes and bad characterization and I dunno I just think maybe the books didnt age well.

Taro- Man. I was trying to think because in some senses... nothing, I am fucking boring, almost all of my life is just work and taking the bus home from working. But I mean. I've graduated from college and gotten my associates now. I've got a job with an office and my own business cards now. Im saving up to get a car. And even if living with my sister is occasionally a pain because it's triggering, or exhausting, or weird, we do get to go on some neat adventures and it is really amazing to see these three humans get to have cool experiences. So there can be like... a lot to talk about, in that.

Chamomile - Literally always socks, any type of book because I am both a hoarder of books with an unread pile three deep at any given time, and on the other hand a voracious reader and the genre can be literally anything, and. Coffee. Literally, give me so much coffee.

[lady-divine-writes]

Klaine one-shot “Artistic Differences” (Rated NC17)

Summary: Kurt and Blaine have known each other all their lives. They've loved each other almost as long. But as Blaine uses his love for Kurt as inspiration for his music, Kurt has yet to reciprocate. And since painting is Kurt's entire world, Blaine is worried about what that might mean for the two of them. (2703 words)

Notes: I had been writing this for the @klaineadvent Drabble Challenge 2020 prompt 'opinion'. I finally finished it. Wee! XD

Read on AO3.

Baby, you're not alone...

'Cause you're here with me...

And nothing's ever gonna bring us down...

'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you...

And you know it's true...

It don't matter what'll come to be...

Our love is all we need to make it through...

Blaine stops singing when he notices an echo haunting his lyrics, lingering on the high notes for longer than written. He listens with eyes closed, smiling at his keyboard. 

His boyfriend Kurt, humming behind the melody. 

Blaine has been ironing this song out for the past three hours now but Kurt hasn't complained once about the constant stopping and starting.

He never does. 

Blaine peeks over his shoulder as he continues to play with the harmonies and watches Kurt, focused on the canvas in front of him, swaying to the rhythm of the music, happily sandwiched between his two passions - art and music.

It's a mild and sunny Saturday - a whole day devoted to cleaning up commissions and tying loose ends on weekly projects before their one day off together. Blaine and Kurt share a studio space - normally unheard of for an artist and a musician, but they make it work. It helps that they've known one another for so long that being alone together is the same as being alone with themselves. That also means they get the inside scoop on what the other is working on long before the public does.

And what they're not working on, which has begun to bother Blaine.

Blaine adores everything his talented boyfriend comes up with. Even regarding his more controversial works, there isn't a thing Kurt has painted that Blaine finds objectionable. Kurt puts his heart and soul into every painting, no matter who it's for, and no matter the subject. A writer from Artforum once wrote: "Kurt Hummel goes beyond the veil to showcase not just the external, but the core of every subject - their drives and motivations. It pairs nicely with the transparency of his own soul, which shines through the gouache and the gesso to leave the viewer with a tangible piece."

And therein lies the root of Blaine's problem.

A glance at one of Kurt's canvasses and the world knows everything it needs to about what he loves.

But one subject in particular has gone wholly unrepresented.

“How come you've never painted a portrait of me?” Blaine asks.

"Hmm... what's that, love?" Kurt mutters, switching out brushes, then moving from a blob of Titanium White to a smear of Winsor Blue.

"How come you've never painted a portrait of me?" Blaine rises off his piano bench and relocates to the wooden folding chair behind Kurt's easel in the hopes of pulling his attention a bit. "You've been an artist for as long as I've known you, and I've known you your entire life. But not once have you ever painted a portrait of me."

“Why do I need to? I have you right here," Kurt says, pretending to bop the tip of Blaine's nose with his brush. "Besides, these aren’t personal." His gaze bounces between the three canvases set on easels in an arc in front of him. "They’re bought and paid for.”

"But what about your private stuff? You've shown me your sketchbooks and your digital art files. Unless you have some hidden folder marked 'secret boyfriend art' that I've yet to come across, there's not a single piece of me in any of your work."

Kurt doesn't steer his gaze away from the apple he's adding highlights to to acknowledge his pouty boyfriend, but the corner of his mouth hitches. "If you say so, dear."

"I know so," Blaine grumps, crossing his arms over his chest and dropping back in the chair so hard he nearly topples it over.

"That's your opinion."

"You're evading."

"Is it really so important to you?"

"Yes! It would be nice to be immortalized by my artist boyfriend!"

Kurt snickers. "Are you that much of a narcissist?"

"Your art is important to you! More than that - it's your life! You paint everything that you love! You've made dozens of paintings of Finn, your father, your mother, your Navigator... "

"My Navigator is my baby. It deserves love. I don't get to drive it much living in the city," Kurt defends. "Besides, those paintings I posted on Instagram landed me a huge contract with Lincoln, and that paid for our month-long tryst to Bali. You're welcome, by the way."

"I'm not saying I'm not grateful... " Blaine pauses, the smile on his face a souvenir from thirty straight days of overindulgence in sex and alcohol. "I think I more than proved that on that private beach? Under the moonlight?"

"Yeah, you did," Kurt growls, silently hoping that will be the end of this discussion.

"But... " Blaine picks up and Kurt's heart sinks.

No luck.

"... nowhere am I present in your work. Not that I've seen. Not even in the abstract. And that makes me think... " 

"Think what?" Kurt mutters, his playful attitude fading the longer this conversation drags on.

Blaine sighs, realizing how much like a spoiled toddler he sounds. But he's in too deep to stop now. "That you don't expect me to be around long."

Kurt's snicker turns into a full-blown chortle. "We've been together forever! You staked a claim on me in kindergarten! Are you suddenly going somewhere?"

"Can't you take this seriously?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's ridiculous!"

Blaine huffs. "Great. So my feelings are ridiculous."

"No, Blaine, your feelings are valid. This argument is ridiculous. Believe it or don't, you don't know everything about me. Or my work. What does it matter what I put on a canvas? I told you that I love you! That I would always love you! I tell you over and over and over! Those are my words! My truth! Listen to my truth!"

"B-but what if you change your mind?" Blaine grimaces when that toddler inside him begins throwing an all-out tantrum.

"Then I change my mind!" Kurt groans, slamming his free hand down on an open tube of Dandelion Green, sending a thick ribbon of paint a good four feet. "I'm allowed to change my mind! And so are you! But I don't see that happening!"

"Then why won't you marry me?"

Kurt pulls a face, probably without thinking about it. "Because I'm not very fond of marriage."

"Why not? Your parents had a great marriage! And your father has a wonderful second marriage!"

"But your parents don't have a very good marriage, do they? Nor your older brother, who's been divorced twice already! " Kurt argues, frustration causing him to forget himself and clean his stained hand on the untucked hem of his shirt instead of a rag. That should be a huge red-flag for Blaine to back down, yet he doesn't. Common sense? Sorry, don't know her. "And the national average isn't that great, either. Doesn't it mean more that I choose to stay with you instead of feeling obligated to?"

Blaine doesn't have an answer for that, even though the answer is obviously yes. Of course, it does. And in high school, that would have been enough to shut Blaine up. But admitting to that feels too much like conceding, and this one time, this is an argument he wants to win. "Did you hear that song I've been working on?" Blaine asks, switching gears so quickly, it puts Kurt on edge.

"Yes," Kurt replies, his voice becoming tight quickly. "It's lovely."

"I wrote it for you."

"Thank you. It sounds wonderful. Another huge hit in the making."

"It's the 15th song I've written in your honor."

"Wow," Kurt says dryly, predicting the direction this is heading. "That many?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's an incredibly kind and loving gesture, one that I didn't know required reciprocation."

"It doesn't require reciprocation. But it would be nice."

Kurt rolls his eyes at Blaine's agenda. Tit for tat. Is that how this is supposed to work? "From what I remember, those songs made you a pretty penny."

"So?"

"So, it's not like you wrote them for me and kept them between us. Most of those songs are chart-toppers."

"But I didn't release them for the money! I wouldn't care if they didn't make me a dime! I put them on the albums because I'm not afraid to let the world know how I feel about you!"

Kurt's brow furrows as he fights through a blooming headache to decode that declaration. Once he gets it, he gasps. "I'm not hiding you away if that's what you're implying! You go with me EVERYWHERE! Every gallery opening, every art show! There have been articles written about our relationship! You're no dirty little secret!"

"I never said I was."

"No?" Kurt chuckles bitterly. "You're sure implying it a great deal!"

"That's not what this is about."

"You're right. It's not. Blaine!" Kurt tosses his brush into a mug of water and starts pacing the floor. "I am a gay artist walking a very fine line."

"I'm a gay artist, too!" Blaine says, offended.

"But you're a musician. And a songwriter. Musicians are supposed to use love as their muse. Writing about your relationship is expected... unless you're Taylor Swift, apparently."

"Yeah. What's up with that?"

Kurt shrugs. "I don't know. The point is that the second I make a piece of art about our relationship in any way, shape, or form, I'm afraid that's all it will be about, no matter what I intend."

"Isn't art supposed to be subject to interpretation?"

"That's just it! If I hint that my art has anything to do with you, that will become the only interpretation. Because too many straight people see the homosexual experience as solely about the right to fuck who we want to fuck and nothing else. I make a portrait about you or dedicated to you, and after that... " Kurt's eyes leave Blaine's face, scanning the room and his canvasses all around for help making his argument. He finds a painting of a forest they hiked through in Bali and stops there "... a tree that I paint will no longer be just a tree. It will become a symbol. In a forest of evergreens, if one needle is slightly browner than the rest because the paint oxidizes weirdly or whatever, then it'll be about you and me on the skids and nothing else. And I don't want that to happen."

Blaine turns in his chair to find the painting Kurt is staring at. On the surface, it's trees, dirt, and sky, but underneath, it's much more than that. That painting of their beloved paradise is perfection - so much so that he can feel the sun on his face, the breeze kissing his cheek, smell the sunscreen on his skin. "I understand what you're saying, but... "

"But?" Kurt grinds out between his teeth. This is the frustrating thing about arguing with Blaine. Even when he says he sees Kurt's point of view, he doesn't seem to really.

And when he's not winning, he gets dismissive.

"... I think you're overthinking things a little."

"And you're not?"

"Another evade," Blaine says, pointing at him in a way reminiscent of his brother's only acting technique.

Kurt grabs the hair at his temple and pulls to keep from flinging the palette in his hand like a frisbee at Blaine's head. "Isn't it more important that you know how I feel about you? You inspire me every day! Your love, your support, your music - they feed my soul! But do I have to plaster it on a wall to make it real?"

"That's kind of an empty question because you don't! There are no paintings of me! Not even in our apartment! And I'm sorry, but I think that's very telling!"

Kurt nods, his lips pulled taut. "You're right, Blaine. Not one. And it is very telling." He drops his palette on his work table and circles the room, grabbing finished canvases and carrying them over. He positions them purposefully, placing some under UV lights he has mounted to runners on the ceiling. 

"What... what are you doing?" Blaine asks with worry, wondering if Kurt is about to do something hasty, something that will ruin his paintings, waste all those hours of work, jeopardize the money he has yet to collect for them. 

Kurt doesn't answer. 

He doesn't even look at him. 

He works silently, his shoulders rigid, his footsteps heavy as he collects paintings Blaine forgot about, paintings that had made Blaine bristle because they were of places they had been to together, things they had made a point to see only with each other, but not a one included him. Those Kurt flips upside down.

He swipes a squeeze bottle of clear liquid from his army of supplies. It could be water. It could be paint thinner. Blaine doesn't know, but he's not certain he wants to find out. He's about to leap off his seat to stop him, but Kurt switches off the overhead lights, turns on the UVs, and Blaine stops. He watches in horror as Kurt douses the flipped canvases in fluid, but the paint doesn't run. Whatever is in that bottle, it sticks, but only in certain areas, and before it dries completely, Kurt dusts the paintings with a fine powder, one that brings hidden images to life beneath the lights.

“Oh my God,” Blaine mutters, stepping back to get a better look.

Every painting, in one way or another, is of him. Of them. And not just recently. There are images of them from college, high school... middle school. There are profiles of Blaine in the negative space between flowers of one painting, and in the clouds of another. A fluorescent image of teenaged him playing guitar to a silhouette of Kurt sitting beside him. There are shadows of them dancing, singing, even a daring one of them making love up against a wall. 

And the flipped landscapes? Their vacation pictures, as it were? The glowing dust reveals portraits hiding in plain sight, painted upside down and invisible to the naked eye. All of these images, Kurt painted in ways where no one would detect them if they weren't looking for them. If they didn't know they were there.

And they are in every. single. one.

Now that he's seen this, it's safe to assume all of Kurt's works carry similar Easter eggs, even paintings long gone.

"Why... why didn't you tell me about this?" Blaine asks, too stuck on stupid to move, walk from painting to painting and examine them properly.

"Why did I need to? I love you. I've told you. What else did I need to prove?"

Blaine shakes his head slowly, ashamed of himself. What an imbecile he is! Kurt is absolutely right. He loves him! He didn't need to prove it! The hurt Blaine felt - that was on him. It wasn't Kurt's responsibility to fix it. There isn't a day that goes by where Kurt doesn't show his love to Blaine in one way or another. Blaine didn't need this. He really didn't.

And right now, he doesn't feel he deserves it.

On a side note, how wrapped up in his own crap has he been that here, in this space that they share, where proximity has forced Kurt to memorize every song Blaine has been writing for his latest album while he paints, that he never realized just how frickin' talented his boyfriend is!?

"Kurt... " Blaine finally finds the strength to take a step forward, drawn to that ghostly image of them making love. It's a simple shadow of the moment, but it evokes a powerful memory "... these are incredible. How did you... ?" Blaine expects an answer before he can finish. Kurt is rarely shy about discussing his work.

Though Blaine should use this opening to his advantage - apologize since those should have been the first words out of his mouth.

But he gets nothing.

"Kurt?" Blaine looks over his shoulder in search of his boyfriend, ready to make amends. 

But Kurt is gone.

[echodrops]

Why You Should Be Shipping Shigaraki/Ochako

No, no, hang on a second--I see that side-eye you are throwing hard enough to ruin your peripheral vision. I feel the shade you’re casting like a thundercloud rolling in. But you didn’t read wrong. I meant what I said.

I’ve never made a secret of my love for rare pairs, but for once in my damn lonely shipper’s hellscape of a life I would love it if my favorite crack ship in a fandom had more than two fics (I’m NOT JOKING) to its name.

What can I do to correct this egregious oversight before the entire summer passes with nary a whisper of the most romantic ship since Juliet wherefore art thou’d Romeo?

Well, what else? I was forged in the fires of early 2000s’ fandom, and I know that desperate times call for desperate measures meticulously researched and extremely rose-tinted

Shipping Manifestos.

Fam, I am about to blow your minds, align your chakras, open your third eyes--because Shigaraki and Ochako is the most slept on ship in the entire BNHA fandom, and if you give me ten minutes like an hour (holy shit, this is long), I can prove it.

Disclaimer: @mistystarshine is the enabler who convinced me to write this but we were both enabled by @ohmytheon’s Reconfigure (on AO3) so you know who’s really responsible.

Spoilers to Chapter 231, watch out.

First off, I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’re still reading from pure shock. Maybe you’re doubt-reading to get your daily fix of internet skepticism. Maybe you’re waiting for me to say these two characters are meant to be because she wears pink and his hair is blue. Maybe you’re already freaking out about age gaps but like that is what future fics and AUs are actually for!!!

I’m not telling you to give up your IzuOcha or Kacchako. I’m not gonna pry ShigaDabi out of your eager little villain stan hands. But if you’ve never considered multi-shipping, now is the time my friends, because I’m totally serious heartfelt here! I’ve got VALID reasons for shipping Shigako--ten of them, in fact:

1) Midoriya is taken for granted as Uraraka’s love interest--but Shigaraki is incredibly similar to him.

There are reams of meta on the parallels between Midoriya and Shigaraki, with plenty people noting how Horikoshi specifically set the two up as foils to examine similar character development despite their drastically different circumstances. Yet for all the meta pointing out that Shigaraki and Midoriya are basically the same character through a mirror darkly, I’ve never seen anyone bear that thought out to its logical conclusion: there are traits Uraraka admires in Midoriya that are extremely apparent in Shigaraki too.

Multiple times in the manga, Uraraka expresses admiration for Deku’s resolve and refusal to give up. His determination in the face of impossible odds and his sense of dedication to his cause are powerful motivating factors in Ochako’s storyline, and Deku’s behavior--his willingness to charge straight into danger and his unflinching pursuit of his goal to be #1--have basically become the standard to which Uraraka holds herself.

Her crush is literally founded on an appreciation for Midoriya’s drive, earnestness, and constant growth as a person.

But these are all traits that Shigaraki also explicitly possesses. Shigaraki’s unwavering resolve is so strong that even though everyone around him says dream is unattainable... they follow him anyway.

Ujiko flat out tells Shigaraki he’s chasing a pipe dream, but he’s willing to come along for the ride strictly because of how committed Shigaraki is to making that dream a reality. The strength of Tomura’s conviction alone persuaded a collection of the most volatile and difficult personalities in the manga to band together and become found family the most well-known anti-establishment organization in all of Japan.

Shigaraki never, even in the face of overwhelming threat, backs down from a challenge, and he approaches each impossible task with absolutely as much effort, ferocity, and refusal to quit as Deku. He is just as dedicated, just as much of a shounen protagonist main character, and just as willing to push himself above and beyond as Deku.

The traits that motivated Uraraka to become the character she is today, many of the exact same traits that formed her crush on Midoriya, are all there in Shigaraki. In another world, the person who inspired Uraraka to go “Plus Ultra” could be Tomura himself, and if 1) no sense of self-preservation, 2) ZERO CHILL, and 3) dogged obsession are what Uraraka finds attractive, Shigaraki clearly has 'em covered. Oh no, he’s meeting all my standards.

2) Being serious though, Ochako’s role in the plot would be vastly improved by more meaningful interactions with the antagonists, even if just in battle.

I’ve written before about how badly the writing of BNHA treats Ochako, and why her constantly being out-of-focus is a hallmark of the genre’s crippling inability to handle dynamic female characters, but it bears repeating: in her current position in the story, Uraraka’s character has minimal agency. She exists to fill the role of Deku’s love interest (at worst) and an emotional crutch (at best). Again, absolutely no hate on the IzuOcha ship--it’s clearly canon endgame and “wholesome” I guess is what they’re calling it nowadays. But the way IzuOcha’s being written in canon is actually the worst possible thing that could happen to Uraraka’s individual character, because Ochako’s crush on Deku has been given virtually no bearing on the story’s main plot and allows Horikoshi to consistently reduce Uraraka’s personal accomplishments to “inspirations from Deku” (in order to, likely, fulfill young male readers’ fantasy of having a girl fixated on them).

Is Uraraka about to do something cool in the manga? Wait for her comment about being motivated by Deku.

Does Uraraka actually get to see some action and get involved in a fight? Wait for someone to bring up her feelings for Deku.

Is Deku about to have a dramatic clash with the story’s villains to advance the main plotline? Wait for Ochako to entirely vanish (at worst) or get sidelined into a three panel clip where she’ll use the same martial art move she’s been using since like chapter 10 (at best).

If I have to read “Gunhead Martial Arts” one more fucking time... Give Ochako her OWN supermoves goddammit!!

The story of the comic itself continually pushes Ochako out of any position of relevance. She’s not one of UA’s strongest fighters (despite having a quirk that, if applied like ANY of the male characters, has incredible potential), she’s not given half the emotional depth or attention even side characters like Kirishima get, and her backstory lacks the development many of the male characters’ get (I’m looking at you, Todoroki).

As a “good girl,” she isn’t allowed to get her hands dirty like Toga, she isn’t allowed to get as bloodied or ugly as any of the boys, and she can never be allowed to surpass the main male characters in coolness or plot relevance because girls can be “heroes” but they can’t be The Hero™. (I’m literally gagging, guys.)

Which is EXACTLY why a plot involving Shigaraki and Ochako--in ANY capacity, even just a flat out fight against each other!--would actually be a fan-fucking-tastic addition to BNHA.

Skip the token Toga vs. Ochako chick fight where they squabble over who loves Izuku more. Let Toga talk to Izuku as herself for once. Let Uraraka throw down with the League’s leader. At least once, Horikoshi? Just once?

Literally any form of plot that puts Shigaraki and Ochako into contact would mean moving Uraraka into a more central position within the manga’s plot, would boost her screen-time, increase the likelihood of her contributing to the story’s primary conflict, and would give her more to do and emotionally engage with than just repeating the same lines about Deku being amazing on an endless loop. There is untapped character development potential in spades here if Uraraka was given chance to genuinely interact with the other half of the story’s cast!

Give👏 Uraraka👏 something👏 meaningful👏 to do!👏

Putting the story’s foremost female character on out there on the frontlines with the manga’s actual main character antagonist would finally break her out of the mold she’s been forced into by genre stereotypes and set her on an even playing field with the male heroes at last.

A meaningful encounter with Shigaraki could be Ochako’s ticket to being treated respectfully by the story itself (and hell if giving underappreciated characters a real place in the world isn’t Tomura’s freakin’ calling card already).

3) Okay, I know the words “subverting expectations” leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth nowadays, but there is a huge difference between “throwing inexplicable plot twists at the audience just for shock factor” and “averting stale cliches in an emotionally rewarding manner.” Sure, cliches do exist for a reason, but there are still many instances where actively avoiding a cliche plotline is a great choice. A shounen manga’s token love interest ending up with someone other than the hero--namely with a (reformed) villain--would be an interesting flip on the trite “hero gets the girl” script.

Look, we all know how it goes: Hero clashes with Bad Guy. They duke it out all over Kingdom Come. RIP like fifty square city blocks. The Hero wins, heads home triumphant, sweeps his Princess off her feet, and sails off into the hero rankings sunset. End of the same story we’ve seen a million times. Sometimes it’s done well and the audience is left satisfied. Other times, the heroine involved is reduced to the hero’s reward, less person than wish fulfillment. In either case, tying up a romantic subplot with a hero is the go-to way of resolving female characters’ storylines and, at this point, pretty much a given in manga, even when the romantic subplot is never given the development it deserves, leaving audiences bewildered at how and why the hook-up actually happened.

I’m not saying every comic should “subvert expectations” and cancel its romantic subplot between the hero and heroine, of course not. But I am saying that it would be pretty refreshing to see something else for once.

By virtue of their role, villains don’t usually “get the girl.” Even redeemed villains rarely end up in happy, healthy, well-written relationships. It’s not impossible but it is unlikely that a series’ designated female lead ever wavers in her attentions from the main hero to a new romantic target.

So it would be pretty cool if one did, if the moral of the story’s romantic subplot wasn’t just "token love interest completes painfully shoehorned romantic gestures.” A good romance with a redeemed ex-villain instead of a hero would take a lot more explanation. It would demand, by its very nature, more work on the author’s part to suspend disbelief. The characters would have to develop an entirely different rapport from the normal interactions between designated love interests, and, to a certain extent, strong character growth would be required in order for such a romance to even get started. There’s more moral complexity and conflict to a subplot like this, and a greater sensation of choice--if the heroine doesn’t have to end with the hero by the end of the story, well hey... That means she could end up with just about anyone. Whoa.

Even more so, in the specific case of Shigaraki, who has lived a life of misery and manipulation, the idea that he could come out on the other side, grow as a person, redeem himself, and eventually enter a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t going to hurt him is an idea I find deeply appealing. I think there are a lot of villain stans, myself included, who see parts of themselves in Shigaraki. If a character who has been so severely impacted by abuse can still heal and ultimately end up happy, to me, that’s a far more hopeful and heart-warming conclusion than the alternatives. I did warn you this manifesto would be rose-tinted, didn’t I?

I want storylines that prove that none of us are beyond saving. That people who make bad choices can still change. That romance isn’t a reward for playing the “right” role. That heroines have options. That there are still pleasant surprises to be found in romance plots.

4) But why Shigaraki and Ochako, in particular? It’s not like they have any remotely shared life experiences--

Oops. Friendly reminder: Ochako is the only major character in the manga besides the villains who is overtly described as, I quote, “poorer than poor.” Todoroki, Yaomomo, and Iida can all make it rain; Kaminari, Mina, and Jirou can afford stylish clothes; Kirishima can drop a stupid amount on night vision googles... Even Midoriya, whose father “works overseas,“ can afford plenty of All Might merchandise. One of the popular fandom theories for a while was that Ochako could be U.A.’s traitor specifically because of her desire to help her parents financially, and I think that most readers at this point can discern a clear divide in BNHA’s society: heroes are the “haves” and villains are the “have nots.” To be a hero in this story is to attend a prestigious school, have access to expensive support items, gear, insurance, fame and glory, etc.

Meanwhile, with the exception of All For One, to be a villain in BNHA’s story is to be marginalized, live in unfit conditions, lack access to basic safety and nutritional resources, and struggle to make ends meet. When ability to thrive in a hero-centric society is synonymous with being a good and worthwhile person, anyone who doesn’t just naturally excel in the hero-driven economy is treated as flawed at best and suspect at worst. Poor characters in the story are ignored, and, as demonstrated with people like Twice, left essentially to fend for themselves.

Uraraka’s status as lower income is mostly played for laughs. She’s still a privileged character in that she can attend U.A., receive hero items for free, has a safe place to live, etc. But it is important that the story acknowledges her family’s situation, because her financial status does set her apart from her classmates.

She is less privileged than the others. Being “the poor character” situates Uraraka in the interesting divide between those who couldn’t cope and chose to rebel against hero society instead, versus those who conformed to the hero system in an attempt to improve their situations. In different circumstances, if Uraraka’s family was just even the tiniest bit worse off, we might be seeing a very different character here, one who had to make some much harder choices to keep her family afloat.

Having been in the position of "going without,” Uraraka also has a unique understanding of the “real world” that many of her heroics classmates might lack. She understands what it is like to go hungry, to not be able to afford to keep up with the newest trends, to be constantly anxious about the future--to feel unsuccessful, overlooked, and under constant pressure to perform. As someone who wasn’t raised in the lap of luxury or even really a middle-class home, Uraraka has more insight into--and would likely have more empathy for--the plight of the downtrodden daily criminals of the BNHA world. Just based on her own life experiences, Ochako is more likely than her classmates to recognize how harsh reality can be, and understand the temptations that lead people to make terrible decisions.

This makes Ochako an especially interesting character in terms of her pro hero future. Would she be able to sympathize and reach out to struggling "villains” more effectively than others from her class, who lack her humble background? Would she be able to better see the big picture of BNHA’s society, and the way it actively creates villains from its marginalized populations? Would she be able to look at the League not just as criminals, but also as people who never stood a chance within the confines of a rigged social structure?

Uraraka’s background shifts her closer to the story’s villains than many of the other hero characters, and puts her in a unique place to both empathize and become motivated to change the flawed system that produced people like Shigaraki and the League in the first place.

5) Likewise, Uraraka’s background actually makes her more palatable to Shigaraki than other heroes. At least at the beginning of the comic, Uraraka isn’t shy about admitting that one of her reasons for becoming a hero is to help her parents financially. Ochako’s original motivation for heroism isn’t portrayed as nobly as others’ like Deku--Deku has no ulterior motives for being a hero; he just wants to save people and wouldn’t care about personally benefiting.

Instead, Ochako is presented as someone who (initially) sees heroism as a means to an end. It’s not that she doesn’t want to save people, but that she’s not doing so only for the intrinsic worth... the hefty paycheck that comes from heroism is a big draw.

Over time the manga has shown her shifting away from this (which actually makes her character less unique, unfortunately), but I’m sure it’s still a thought for her, and she’s definitely going to send paychecks to her parents in the future. At the end of the day, heroism is still going to be Uraraka’s ticket to a better lifestyle, even if she’s committed herself to it honestly by the time she leaves U.A.

But it’s this exact form of personal motivation that Shigaraki is much more likely to understand than the “goody-two-shoes” motivations of people like Deku. Multiple times in the comic Shigaraki has expressed confusion with society’s habit of clinging mindlessly to symbols, of their blind faith in the virtues of heroism, and their ability to simply overlook suffering because “surely a hero will do something about it.” Stain’s ideals about “true heroes” go straight past Shigaraki, who seems to hate heroes who are earnest (All Might, I’m talking about All Might) far more than those who are simply faking their way through for fame. 

Shigaraki understands humans who are driven by personal gain. He respects the individual desires of people he cares about. Someone in the hero industry explicitly seeking tangible benefits would likely, to Shigaraki at least, come across as more genuine than someone who claims they have no ulterior motives, and a person who is blunt about their needs and grounded in the reality of BNHA’s world would likely be much more acceptable to Tomura than someone who spews trite lines about peace and justice.

Shigaraki’s feelings for heroes have been irreparably damaged by his conditioning from All For One, but there are certainly some heroes that he would find less loathsome than others. He will probably never understand Deku’s selflessness. All Might’s saccharine symbolism actively infuriates him. But a person who became a hero to put food on the table? To provide for her parents (maybe especially because it is her parents she’s trying to provide for)? That’s at least understandable. If the manga’s future does see Shigaraki redeemed, my thought is that the only type of heroes we’ll ever see him willingly interact with would still be heroes just like Ochako, with more “down to earth” personal motivations. Uraraka, your codename is “If I had to date a hero”...

6) While we’re talking about shared life experiences, there’s another very obvious similarity between Shigaraki and Ochako: neither one of them can touch things with all five fingers.

Cute/fridge horror observation: Shigaraki is even daintier about touching things than Uraraka is; Uraraka usually lifts just her pinkies, but Shigaraki frequently uses as few fingers as possible.

Yeah, yeah, they both have to be dainty and careful with everything they hold. It’d be cute to watch them eat together. They could mutually gripe about the annoyance of video game consoles not designed for four-finger use. More than that though, neither one of them can touch other human beings without the risk of causing death.

Uraraka, as a hero, has the more privileged quirk design (she can turn her quirk off, while Shigaraki can’t) and until recently, the comic was always very careful to portray Uraraka’s quirk in a way that no one was endangered by it. But dropping Zero Gravity into the hands of a villain for a single chapter reveals the truth: Uraraka’s quirk has just as much lethal potential as Shigaraki’s.

Like Shigaraki, Uraraka has to face the reality that her touch alone could jeopardize the safety of anyone she comes into contact with, in her daily life and in her hero work. Drop some debris without looking twice? Just crushed a civilian. Release your quirk without thinking? Now the villain you floated is paste on the sidewalk. Thought that it was safe to float away the building? Oops, you crushed someone still trapped inside. Yikes. In a one-on-one battle, Uraraka is actually at a disadvantage not because her quirk is weak, but the dead opposite--in an outdoor fight, she would have to actively work not to accidentally send people off into outer space.

Having an auto-activate touch quirk means that both Shigaraki and Ochako have to be conscious of every single thing they touch all the time. Both of their quirks require constant bodily awareness, and both come with the lurking knowledge that “My touch causes problems.” Even for Ochako, who would merely be a nuisance if she accidentally floated objects indoors, it’s easy to internalize frustration and negative associations with one’s own body. Every day, Ochako has to be careful with herself in a way that few of her peers do, another factor that sets her apart.

One of the story’s overarching themes is the idea of “self-acceptance” and what it even means to “accept yourself” in a world where (almost) every human being possesses a distinguishing feature, often built into their bodies at the expense of standard human functioning. For people with limited control over their quirks, who can’t choose when the effect activates, a quirk is a constant burden and facet of their identity that entirely re-shapes how they interact with the world. Both Shigaraki and Uraraka face the practicality of having burdensome, even lethal, auto-activate quirks that require constant self-awareness. This is a similarity that, of the major characters, only Shigaraki and Ochako possess so far. (Even other major characters with touch-based quirks like Overhaul appear to be able to choose when to activate their quirks).

The “funny” way Shigaraki and Ochako hold things seems like just a small similarity until you remember the amount of practice and frustration it must have taken to internalize a four-fingered touch. Until you remember that this similarity marks them both as very careful and self-conscious characters. Until you remember that Shigaraki’s got a one-touch instakill... but so does Uraraka Ochako.

7) Okay, similarities are cool and all, but you know what they say: opposites attract. And if we’re talking character motivation, there are no cleaner opposites in the entire series. Shigaraki and Ochako are actually even better emotional foils than Shigaraki and Deku, because Ochako’s central motivation is “Make as many people smile as possible” and Shigaraki’s is, literally, “Make it so no one can ever smile again.”

I know I ragged on it earlier, but now I’m going to use it to my full advantage: as the story evolved and characters grew, Ochako’s “true” motivation to become a hero revealed itself: she feels a deep, intrinsic happiness when witnessing the happiness of others. Her desire as a hero is to spread relief, the sense of security that allows people to go about their days smiling. She literally feels happiest when everyone around her is happy.

Even more so than Deku, this casts Uraraka as Shigaraki’s diametric opposite in the story, because Shigaraki’s entire pipe dream goal also hinges on the smiles of others--and how absolutely much he hates them. Shigaraki’s goal is total world destruction because he just resents the happiness of others that fucking much.

On the surface alone it’s more fascinating than the story will probably ever live up to: Ochako, the heroine who wants to spread smiles; Shigaraki, the villain who wants to destroy them. Even if we’re just talking canon, zero romance involved, that would still be an interesting conflict to explore. The story could cover a lot of deeper ground by drawing the comparison between these two characters more directly. It would definitely validate Uraraka being involved in more major plot events, at the very least.

BUT this was supposed to be about shipping, so of course I can’t leave it there, and leaving it there would only be half the story anyway, because nobody is born hating smiles. Everything we’ve seen of Shigaraki’s past so far indicates that he was a kid with a cute dog, a warm relationship with his sister, and an interest in heroes--i.e., a decent life that probably included his own fair share of smiles. Shigaraki’s hatred and resentment are direct products of the traumatic manipulation he suffered at AFO’s hands. He despises the idea that people around him can smile and act upbeat, even when they objectively know villains are lurking all around them. He is actually sick to his stomach at the idea of people blindly putting their faith in heroes, knowing what he does: that heroes often fail, that there are many people who desperately need to be rescued and are instead overlooked. The world failed Shimura Tenko and then had the nerve to keep on smiling without him.

Other people’s smiles represent nothing but the joy, security, love, and peace that Shigaraki Tomura hasn’t experienced since the day his quirk manifested. The sight of any living thing fills Shigaraki with rage because everything bright and beautiful, everything good and calm and kind and soft and warm, is everything that Shigaraki has lost and believes he will never, ever get to experience again.

Shigaraki doesn’t really hate the pure happy smiles of others; he hates the fact that the world has taken away every single thing he ever had to smile about.

It is my belief that Horikoshi is hinting at a redemption arc for Shigaraki, especially as we see the League become closer allies. But Shigaraki can’t be completely redeemed, can’t be persuaded to give up his world-destruction plan, until he can look at the smiles of others without scorn. Until the bright, upbeat attitudes of heroes other people no longer feel like a personal attack. Until he’s happy enough that the happiness of others no longer hurts. Until the weight is lifted.

And I can’t think of any character more obviously suited to helping lift an immense weight than Uraraka, the zero gravity hero who wants nothing more than to spread smiles.

8) Speaking of lifting weights... Kacchako is a popular ship stemming in large part from Bakugou’s refusal to treat Uraraka with kid gloves. He faces her head-on as a real opponent and views her like any other hero hopeful.

As I’ve said before, this is pretty much the most respectfully the series itself has ever treated Uraraka Ochako, and it caught a lot of attention because it was one of the rare occasions that a female pro hero-in-training was really treated as an equal to the male characters. Kacchako shippers had something awesome to work with.

But... You know who else treats women as equals? (Hell, you know who treats literally everyone as equals, from those with mutant quirks to trans people to those with severe mental health issues?) You can say what you want about Shigaraki’s habit of, you know, mass murder, but in terms of viewing others equally and respecting (okay, let’s be real, it’s probably closer to just ignoring) differences, Tomura is about as open-minded as BNHA characters come. The League is an equal opportunity employer.

Unlike actual hero characters, Shigaraki has never once suggested that Toga is incapable of keeping up with any of the male members of the League, and in fact has entrusted her with many of the League’s most dangerous and crucial missions. He explicitly has faith in her ability and skill.

Toga’s right there in the fight against Gigantomachia and the QLA, as much an equal member of the League as anyone else. In terms of gender equality, the villains seem to be light-years ahead of their hero counterparts, and Shigaraki in particular doesn’t discriminate, among his allies or his opponents either. He’s not a “spare the women and children” kind of guy; every hero and villain challenger is treated with equal violence (and equal snark), whether they’re male, female, a long-time pro or a student in training.

In whatever context--canon opponent, AU ally, or a future romantic interest--Shigaraki would take Ochako just as seriously as Bakugou did. If you like Kacchako because Bakugou doesn’t dismiss Uraraka, that same dynamic would be present in Shigako too.

9) And on the topic of Shigaraki and women... It doesn’t feel accidental that every single female character who ever had love for Shigaraki has been taken away from him. A distinct part of Shigaraki’s storyline is that all positive female role models have been systematically removed from his life. He lost his grandmother, a hero he could have looked up to; he lost his mother, who he now has no memory of; he lost the older sister he clearly held dear... All For One’s control over Tomura has always been total, but this particular detail feels especially insidious: was All For One’s spite for Nana so strong that he delighted in deliberately destroying every single relationship Tenko had with women connected to Nana’s legacy? (Or is AFO perhaps just a raging misogynist? Every single one of his known associates is male and he seemed to despise and mock Nana particularly hard...)

In any case, the point I’m trying to make here is that, even ruling love interests out, Shigaraki’s storyline would be enriched by forging a meaningful connection with a female character like Ochako. Acceptance--maybe even some grudging admiration--for a female hero? A fantastic opportunity to show just how different the “villains” are from the discriminatory society that produced them. Supporting friendship while he’s on the road to recovery? A+ way to diversify interactions between the male and female cast. Send a tough girl to Tartarus to question his motives? Nice chance for tense dialogue and some good old noire-esque foe yay. Hostage situation that takes a turn for the surprisingly cordial? Fun way to explore different dynamics and humanize the villains because hey, they treated the “damsel” to dinner shortbread cookies. My god, Shigaraki could even develop some positive sense of rivalry with a woman, for example! The possibilities are endless if you’re actually willing to give female characters a shot!

Being more serious, Tomura’s life has been dramatically marked by the loss of his female family members, and--at least from what we know so far--his entire youth was spent without the presence of reliable friendships, let alone any form of “love” that wasn’t disturbingly fake. Beyond his fragmented memories, he has no models for healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Letting Shigaraki develop to the point that he could form a mutually positive relationship with a female hero character would be extremely cathartic for me as a reader. I don’t mean “rewarding redemption with a last-minute happy ending romance”--I mean actually getting the opportunity to watch Tomura rediscover what it means to be genuinely loved and realize he has the capacity to give love and be happy in return...

Reaching that level of mutual support and closeness--especially with a female pro hero--would be the biggest “FUCK YOU” that Shigaraki could give to All For One, short of, you know, actually killing him.

Shigaraki Tomura has a critical (and deliberate) lack of healthy connections to women. BNHA, coincidentally, has a criminally under-utilized female lead just twiddling her thumbs over here, waiting for a meaningful plotline to be thrown her way.

Sure, putting AFO in prison is cool and all, but have you considered... crushing his pride and legacy of evil by helping the boy he tortured for years learn to love again? I’m just sayin’!

Uraraka Ochako, snatching Shigaraki right the fuck out of AFO’s hands:

10) Basically what the whole thing boils down to is this: Shigaraki Tomura needs a hero.

Don’t mistake my meaning. A lot of “girl meets bad boy” plots end up amounting to “girl becomes emotionally responsible for fixing bad boy’s issues,” and that’s not what I’m gunning for--Shigaraki has to redeem himself because redemption is only meaningful when it stems from the character’s own inner desire to change; I’m not quite rose-tinted enough to buy into the Love Redeems trope myself. I’m definitely not advocating anyone dump Shigaraki Tomura as he is now into Uraraka Ochako’s lap and expect her to turn him from a beast to a beauty. It’s not an unrelated woman’s responsibility to fix a broken man.

But! From a reader’s perspective, I think we can agree: Shigaraki’s redemption cannot be complete until he learns to believe in real heroes. He doesn’t have to like them. He doesn’t have to support hero society. But he has to be able to look at real heroes like Izuku and Ochako and admit that they are doing what’s right--that society is a better place because they are here. Shigaraki’s path to recovery can’t even begin until he’s capable of at least acknowledging that the world has things worth saving in it.

If Horikoshi moves forward with a redemption arc for Shigaraki, it will probably be Deku who Detroit Smashes the message of truly noble heroes into Shigaraki’s head. That’s his job as the resident Warrior Therapist, I suppose. But you know... to me, it might be even more meaningful if Shigaraki’s hero--if the hand that reaches out to rescue him--isn’t The Hero’s™ but just a hero’s. We all know Deku is selfless and good to the core. As All Might’s perfect successor, he really has nothing to prove. It’s everyone else who is in question. It’s the whole rest of hero society that owes Shigaraki Tomura an explanation for the suffering of people like the League’s members. It’s everyone else who needs to prove they can do better--that in the future, there will be no bloody children left abandoned in back alleyways.

Uraraka Ochako’s conviction is to save people. As a female hero who hasn’t lived a privileged life, she’s uniquely situated to think about those who are most often overlooked. In a world where violence begets violence, where only those with strength and flash excel, what a powerful message it would send for the terrifying antagonist to effectively be rescued by someone the story itself has called “a frail girl.” At the end of the day, heroics isn’t supposed to be about mountain-destroying explosions and mach punches--heroics is supposed to be about heart, about reaching out a gentle helping hand, about spreading smiles to those who need them most.

Tomura’s faith in heroes has been brutally stripped from him, and every part of his conflict is tied up intimately with his misdirected hatred: it wasn’t actually heroes who isolated and hurt him--it was villains. In order to move forward, he will have to come to that horrible realization, deal with that means for himself and his place in the world, and recognize the truth: there are goodness and good people in the world. Selfless heroes, those who wouldn’t turn their backs on a crying child, do exist. There are people, even now, who would extend a kind hand to Shigaraki Tomura and do their best to bring a real smile to his face. Because that’s what’s really going on, after all.

Shimura Tenko is still waiting to be saved.

And I know just the person to do it.

[shelbyfm]

sorry this is late babes ! i got busier than i thought i was going to so without further ado i’ll put the cliff notes version of sy shelby’s starling existence under the cut and you know what to do from there !  🖤  but  if  you’re  gonna  slide  into  my  dms  do  it  on  scarlet  bc  that’s  where  i  am  on  mobile  ! 

jack gilinsky. cismale. he/his.  ／  josiah shelby just pulled up blasting st tropez by post malone  — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty - four year old center fielder for the los angeles dodgers, i’ve heard they’re really -abrasive, but that they make up for it by being so +audacious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say the creak of a well - worn leather glove, shotgunning another cheap beer just to feel alive, and the taste of copper on your tongue. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

. ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒    .

NAME  :  josiah  david  shelby  .

BREAKDOWN  :  josiah  (  god  supports  ,  heals  )   david  (  beloved  )  

NICKNAMES  :  sy  ,  jd  ,  josie  (  finn  only  tbh  )  ,  shelbz  ,  shel-bay  ,  bay  .

AGE  :  twenty - four  .

BIRTHDAY  :  november  twenty - third  .

ZODIAC  :  scorpio  &  sagittarius  cusp  .

GENDER  :  male  .

PRONOUNS  :  he  /  him  .

NATIONALITY  :  american  .

ETHNICITY  :  english  ,  french  ,  italian  .

HOGWARTS HOUSE  :  hufflepuff  .

MBTI  :  estp  (  the  persuader  )

INSPIRATIONS  :  lucas  scott  (  one  tree  hill  )  ,  adam  parrish  (  the  raven  cycle  )  ,  nick  miller  (  new  girl  )  ,  ron  swanson  and  andy  dwyer  (  parks  &  rec  )  ,  adam  groff  (  sex  education  )  .

HOBBIES / SPECIAL SKILLS  :  baseball  ,  procrastination  ,  midnight  snacks  ,  getting  the  last  word  ,  saucy  brow  lifts  ,  sleeping  in  ,  running  away  from  his  problems  ,  hitting  first  and  asking  questions  later  ,  developing  newer  and  more  creative  defense  mechanisms  .

VICES  ;   acerbic  ,  brash  ,  careless  ,  cataclysmic  ,  defiant  ,  duplicitous  ,  destructive  ,  greedy  ,  ignorant  ,  meddlesome  ,  narcissistic  ,  obnoxious  ,  provocative  ,  reckless  ,  selfish  ,  troublesome   ,  vain  ,  volatile  ,  wanton  .

VIRTUES  :   athletic  ,  challenging  ,  charismatic  ,  curious    ,  debonair  ,  forthright  ,  fun - loving  ,  intrepid  ,  invulnerable  ,  jocular  ,  loves  his  sister  so  much  he  could  die  ,  loyal  ,  passionate  ,  playful  ,  protective  ,  witty  .

PINTEREST  :  xx

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃    .

sy  was  born  poorer  than  poor  and  spent  his  formative  years  watching  his  grandmother  do  her  very  best  to  keep  the  dust  from  coating  everything  in  their  ramshackle  little  trailer  in  oklahoma  .

his  mother  wasn’t  around  much  .  after  running  away  to  chase  after  one  band  or  another  and  coming  home  with  her  waistline  significantly  thickened  ,  she  didn’t  much  take  to  motherhood  ,  not  when  running  off  to  the  nearest  dive  bar  or  casino  to  spend  whatever  meager  paycheck  she  could  scrounge  up  was  just  so  tempting  .

in  fact  ,  sy’s  memories  of  her  are  often  fleeting  .  she  was  a  whirlwind  of  a  woman  ,  beautiful  despite  the  hard  life  she  led  ,  but  in  and  out  the  door  too  fast  for  him  to  ever  really  get  to  know  her  .  and  after  some  of  his  grandmother’s  jewelry  ended  up  in  the  pawn  shop  twenty  miles  up  the  road  she  didn’t  come  around  the  house  anymore  when  she  found  the  locks  changed  .

sy’s  grandmother  ,  affectionately  known  as  nan  ,  did  her  best  to  raise  her  grandson  better  than  she  had  raised  her  daughter  .  though  truth  be  told  ,  the  practice  wasn’t  much  different  ,  his   mother  had  just  been  a  bit  of  a  bad  seed  .

religion  and  discipline  were  a  staple  and  so  every  sunday  found  the  pair  walking  to  the  church  in  their  parish  to  give  thanks  and  receive  the  blessing  ,  a  tradition  that  sy  hasn’t  kept  up  with  since  her  death  but  i’m  getting  ahead  of  myself  .

his  nan  made  a  modest  living  for  where  they  lived  ,  she  wasn’t  spoiling  the  boy  but  it  was  enough  to  put  food  on  the  table  and  get  them  to  and  from  where  they  needed  to  go  .

he  had  a  few  close  friends  in  the  neighborhood  and  they  usually  got  together  in  the  evenings  to  play  whatever  games  they  could  ,  sometimes  soccer  with  a  ball  that  looked like  you  could  put  your  foot  through  it  ,  or  basketball  on  the  single  hoop  with  no  net  that  was  somehow  still  standing  in  the  local  “ park ”  .  summers  were  spent  walking  down  to  the  pond  that  passed  for  a  swimming  hole  to  get  some  sort  of  relief  from  the  heat  .

he  picked  up  a  job  at  one  of  the  local  motor  shops  to  help  with  the  bills  ,  though  his  nan  insisted  he  spend  his  time  working  on  his  schoolwork  first  .  he’d  still  slip  a  portion  of  what  he  came  home  with  into  her  purse  when  she  wasn’t  looking  .  

he  played  sports  in  school  ,  their  community  doing  what  they  could  to  scrounge  up  funds  for  a  ramshackle  team  for  each  sport  .  he  primarily  ran  track  and  cross  country  (  in  a  uniform  that  looked  like  it  was  straight  out  of  an  80′s  movie  and  felt  like  it  too  )  .  he  was  a  decent  hurdler  and  the  fact  that  he  usually  walked  everywhere  he  needed  to  get  gave  his  stamina  a  certain  edge  on  the  kids  who  were  better  off  .  but  his  true  passion  was  baseball  .  sy  could  write  poetry  about  the  diamond  ,  and  most  of  the  assignments  he  managed  to  turn  in  involved  the  sport  somehow  .  (  he  almost  got  caught  cheating  once  when  he  turned  in  a  paper  that  wasn’t  about  it  but  he’s  always  been  lucky  af  )

their  school  team  wasn’t  anything  special  .  they  played  with  heart  and  had  fun  doing  it  but  they  were  never  going  to  make  it  to  state  with  nothing  short  of  a  miracle  even  though  it  was  clear  sy  (  and  a  couple  of  his  buddies  )  had  the  potential  to  be  more  than  just  has - beens  who  got  stuck  living  in  their  hometown  for  the  rest  of  their  lives  .  during  sy’s  eighth  grade  year  ,  his  junior  high  team  made  a  pretty  valiant  push  and  made  it  to  the  regional  championship  but  they  were  simply  out - spent  by  some  of  the  other  teams  and  came  home  disappointed  .

someone  must  have  recognized  sy  though  ,  because  a  few  weeks  later  a  letter  arrived  from  one  of  the  elite  baseball  camps  in  the  country  stating  that  he  had  been  sponsored  to  attend  for  the  summer  .  his  friends  were  excited  for  him  and  it  was  probably  the  best  summer  of  his  life  ,  but  tensions  rapidly  grew  sour  when  he  returned  home  ,  after  all  ,  none  of  them  had  been  granted  such  an  opportunity  and  they  wondered  what  made  him  so  special  where  they  weren’t  .

it  certainly  didn’t  help  that  he  got  home  and  noticed  their  trailer  was  a  little  refurbished  ,  they  had  a  new (  ish  )  television  and  a  cable  antenna  on  the  roof  without  the  pieces  of  foil  sy  had  stuck  to  it  at  an  attempt  for  better  service  .  and  then  little  gifts  started  to  arrive  here  and  there  ,  new  cleats  ,  a  better  glove  ,  all  things  with  the  sheen  of  wealth  attached  to  them  and  all  in  the  name  of  this  new  sponsor  he  seemed  to  have  attracted  .  it  didn’t  go  over  well  with  his  friends  and  he  could  see  the  jealous  glint  in  their  eyes  which  led  sy  to  hide  away  the  new  treasures  ,  or  take  them  out  back  and  absolutely  destroy  that  gleam  that  came  with  new  gear  .  

high  school  was  not  a  time  he  wanted  to  spend  ostracized  ,  especially  when  everyone  in  town  always  looked  back  on  it  like  it  was  the  golden  time  of  their  youth  before  they  settled  down  into  the  daily  grind  of  adulthood  .  he  was  nothing  short  of  angry  and  miserable  ,  his  loneliness  that  festered  into  rage  finding  a  nice  outlet  in  smashing  his  fists  into  the  noses  of  whoever  crossed  his  path  or  looked  at  him  wrong  .

it  was  around  that  time  that  a  girl  showed  up  on  his  doorstep  ,  all  knees  and  elbows  and  with  a  big  smile  insisting  she  was  his  sister  .  judging  from  the  own  sparkly  state  of  her  attire  ,  sy   managed  to  put  two  and  two  together  as  to  just  who  his  new  sponsor  was  and  promptly  shut  the  door  in  her  face  .  (  the  fact  that  his  mother  had  suddenly  come  out  of  the  woodwork  and  ran  into  him  around  town  on  occasion  to  ask  for  money  was  another  clue  .  she  could  sniff  out  money  anywhere  )

finnley  buchanan  was  a  revelation  to  him  .  persistent  to  the  extent  of  climbing  in  through  his  window  to  press  her  point  home  until  sy  was  forced  to  accept  that  this  nonsense  story  she  was  spinning  about  his  father  and  her  mother  had  a  certain  ring  of  truth  to  it  .  he  didn’t  want  a  new  family  ,  he  was  content  in  his  small  town  with  his  nan  and  his  friends  and  everything  would  go  back  to  normal  just  as  soon  as  he  tossed  all  his  shiny  new  stuff  in  the  trash  .

his  nan  wasn’t  having  it  ,  plain  and  simple  .  she  wasn’t  going  to  force  him  to  reconcile  with  a  father  he  had  never  known  ,  but  she  certainly  wasn’t  going  to  allow  him  to  pass  up  an  opportunity  to  get  out  of  their  tiny  little  town  .  and  so  sy  kept  going  to  those  baseball  camps  every  year  ,  and  after  keeping  in  touch  with  his  new  sister  to  a  point  where  he  was  forced  to  accept  the  unlimited  texting  plan  she  forced  upon  him  just  so  his  nan  would  stop  good  naturedly  grumbling  about  the  amount  of  time  he  spent  tying  up  their  landline  .

he’d  spend  a  few  weeks  a  year  with  her  family  ,  a  holiday  here  and  there  ,  his  eyes  almost  falling  out  of  his  eyes  the  first  time  he  walked  into  a  house  with  an  honest  to  god  foyer  .  he  didn’t  exactly  see  eye  to  eye  with  his  new - found  father  and  step  mother  and  they  didn’t  seem  to  want  to  get  to  know  him  much  beyond  tossing  money  at  a  problem  to  solve  it  (  not  that  he  allowed  them  to  really  know  him  )  

he  didn’t  even  accept  their  money  for  college  ,  stubbornly  insisting  on  getting  in  on  his  own  merit  .  and  thus  shipped  himself  of  to  north  carolina  upon  accepting  a  scholarship  .  the  guitar  skills  he’d  picked  up  in  his  lazy  weeks  spent  with  the  buchanans  and  his  classic  good  looks  made  him  immensely  popular  which  didn’t  bode  well  for  the  state  of  his  ego  as  we  know  it  .  between  classes  he  managed  to  further  perfect  the  art  of  binge  drinking  and  beer  pong  and  with  his  scholarship  only  covering  tuition  and  board  ,  he  found  himself  employing  his  fists  at  night  to  earn  some  cash  for  incidentals  .  something  that  very  nearly  got  him  kicked  out  of  school  when  he  showed  up  to  practice  with  a  split  lip  and  bruised  knuckles  a  few  times  too  many  .

but  luck  was  on  his  side  and  he  was  drafted  after  his  sophomore  year  before  they  could  start  a  more  thorough  investigation  into  his  extra - extra - curriculars  .

sy  spent  about  a  year  working  his  way  around  the  farm  system  of  the  minors  while  they  tried  to  refine  his  issues  before  getting  called  up  to  play  for  the  baltimore  orioles  .  he  played  for  them  for  about  a  year  but  after  a  run - in  with  one  of  the  batting  coaches  that  was  rather  hush  hush  he  was  unceremoniously  traded  to  the  los  angeles  dodgers  . 

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘    .

being  a  cusp  baby,  he  kind  of  bounces  back  and  forth  between  his  moods  .  most  of  the  time  he’s  all  jokes  and  sarcasm  .  but  catch  him  at  the  right  time  and  he  can  be  broody  AF  .  

he  is  a  lot  smarter  than  he  looks  ,  but  that’s  an  incredibly  well  kept  secret  because  on  the  outside  he  is  a  Professional  Idiot.

makes  the  worst  decisions  i  have  ever  seen  anyone  make  ever  .  highly  impulsive  and  should  never  be  allowed  to  give  someone  any  sort  of  advice  .  

unless  you’re  asking  what  to  put  in  your  solo  cup  or  if  you’re  craving  a  midnight  snack  .  then  he  is  10 / 10  your  guy  .

he  is  incredibly  loyal  ,  so  long  as  it  serves  his  purpose  .  because  at  the  end  of  the  day  he’s  still  an  impulsive  idiot  and  that  devil  on  his  shoulder  made  the  angel  tap  out  years  ago  .

bought  his  nan  a  new  house  with  his  signing  bonus  and  sent  her  money  to  take  care  of  her  with  what  he  had  but  since  her  death  he’s  doing  his  best  to  spend  it  on  the  dumbest  shit  possible  and  acting  out  in  one  way  or  another  because  he’s  still a  child  .

tldr  :  he’s  a  piece  of  shit 

˚  . ⊹       ┈    ›     𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒    .

 just  going  to  add  a  little  disclaimer  that  i  am  the  biggest  hoe  for  anything  angsty  and  painful  .  i  also  love  love  love  when  people  slide  into  my  dms  with  a  hc  or  two  .  

𝐞𝐱 - 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬  ;  for  whatever  reason  there  was  a  huge  falling  out  and  now  things  are  just  super  awkward  .  half  the  time  at  parties  they’re  just  on  opposite  sides  of  the  room  mean  mugging  each  other  until  booze  and  tempers  flare  .

𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠   ;  these  two  were  never  supposed  to  be  a  thing  .  in  fact  ,  before  this  past  summer  they  hardly  ever  spoke  and  when  they  did  the  discourse  wasn’t  exactly  pleasant  .  but  there’s  a  fine  line  between  love  and  hate  and  all  it  took  was  a  couple  of  drinks  before  the  dynamic  took  a  turn  .  

𝐞𝐱𝐞𝐬   ;   i’d  sell  my  soul  for  something  that’s  just  angsty  and  messy  .  maybe  they  were  at  the  point  of  saying  the  l  word  .

𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐬𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  ;   all  that  sneaking  around  ,  taking  the  back  doors  in  and  out  of  places  .  meeting  up  in  darkened  corners   👌 👌 👌  that’s  that  shit  i  do  like

𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞   ;   i’m  such  a  sucker  for  a  good  bromance  or  two  where  the  gc  is  just  filled  with  memes  and  dragging  each  other  up  and  down  the  wall  .  but  at  the  end  of  the  day  they’re  you’re  boys  and  no  one  else  can  talk  shit  about  them  but  you  

𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬   ;   a  fwb  here  and  there  ,  the  odd  one  night  stand  ,  someone  who  you  just  look  at  and  want  to  punch  them  in  the  face  for  some  inexplicable  reason  ,  an  unrequited  crush  (  on  either  side  )

[diinofayce]

Broken Promises

This is for @buckthegrump Angst and Fluff writing challenge! Sorry this took so long!

Pairing: Steve x Reader | Word Count: 1.4k | Warnings: Angst | Prompt: Every time you walk out that door I’m afraid you wont come back | Song inspiration: Hearts and Spades by I The Mighty

The sudden pounding the front door caused your eyes to shoot open. Steve was already moving next to you to sit up and turn on the bedside lamp, you wince at the sudden brightness and turn to look at the clock on your bedside table. It was well after midnight and you turned to watch Steve pull on a white undershirt as the pounding at the door became more urgent. You frown knowing that there was only one reason someone would be gracing the two of you with such a late night visit and you swing your legs out from under the warmth of the comforter.

“Y/N, stay in the bedroom,” Steve grumbles, his voice still raspy with sleep as he grabs his pistol from his bedside drawer and cocks it.

You wait for Steve to leave the room before you pull on your robe and peek your head out of the bedroom to look down the hall, tying the cinch at your waist into a knot. You watch as Steve peers through the peep hole and his shoulders relax, he un-cocks the gun and slides the hammer from the lock on the door stepping back to open it. You recognize Bucky’s silhouette in the door frame and let out a sigh of discontent, finally moving out of the bedroom and down the hall.

“Steve, sorry to wake you but it’s bad. We need you for this one,” Bucky murmured and Steve stepped aside so his friend could come in from out of the rain. As Bucky moved and his silhouette didn’t fill the entirety of your front door you could see the distinctive shimmer of a cloaked quinjet parked in the middle of your sleepy suburban street.

Bucky’s blue eyes landed on you and his expression softened slightly, a shadow of guilt flicked across his face. “Hey, Y/N, sorry to wake you up.”

You hum with soft irritation and hit the on button for the coffee machine, the grounds already ready as you had set your machine up the night before so you could have coffee while making Steve breakfast. You used to love Bucky, he was your favourite of any of Steve’s old teammates and the animosity you had started to feel for Steve’s best friend wasn’t fair. You knew it wasn’t, but you couldn’t help it. After Steve had retired Sam, Nat, and Tony had all come knocking multiple times trying to get Steve to come and help them again and Steve always turned them away with an apology and turned into you instead. Once you asked why Bucky never came and Steve had simply replied, ‘Because he knows I wouldn’t be able to turn him away.’ So you know this was a big deal, you knew something had to be terribly wrong in the world to have James Buchanan Barnes on your doorstep.

Steve frowned at you, his forehead pinched. “Y/N, I told you to stay in the bedroom.”

“Hydra isn’t going to politely knock on the front door, Steven,” you reply sharply and Steve flinches. He knows that you know that he’s about to leave. He knows you’re angry and for a second Steve almost asks Bucky to take the quinjet and leave…but he doesn’t.

“Steve, it’s gone inter-dimensional. There’s wormholes popping up everywhere and we don’t have the manpower. Thor and Tony have gone to the other side to see if they can find a source and haven’t been back,” Bucky explained desperately.

“How long?” Steve asked, wincing every time you slammed a cupboard door or drawer.

“Three weeks.”

That was the clincher, that’s what made Bucky so desperate to come to Steve. Three weeks of radio silence from Earth’s Greatest Defender and the King of the Nine Realms. They needed Steve, the Avengers were leaderless and didn’t know how to go forward.

“You know I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t bad,” Bucky put out apologetically.

Steve scrubbed his hand over his face and looked wistfully towards the kitchen where you were still angrily slamming things around. “Let me go get my suit,” Steve said to Bucky softly.

You glared at your husband’s back as you watched him retreat back into your bedroom. You sigh heavily, resting your elbows on the counter and pulling at your hair. You couldn’t do this again, you couldn’t keep almost losing him. You could hear Bucky shifting awkwardly in the entryway, he could probably sense that you didn’t want to see him right now, you could feel the anger and desperation rolling off of you in waves and you really didn’t care to reign it in.

You look up as you hear Steve’s heavy combat boot footsteps hit the tile of the kitchen. He flinches in deep set guilt at seeing you, tears streaking down your cheeks, your eyes red rimmed and puffy. You swipe at your nose and sniffle as you reach for the thermos and the finished pot of coffee.

“Suit still fits,” you say curtly, filling the battered army green thermos, just like you used to do every time before he went on missions in the past.

Steve half smirks and pats his belly. “Yeah, Dad-bod hasn’t gotten to me yet.” Steve tries to joke but it just causes your white knuckle grip on your composure to crack even more.

“It’s his birthday tomorrow,” you snap finally, pointing down the hallway to where your son still slept soundly. “What am I supposed to tell him when you aren’t here in the morning?”

Steve flounders for a moment, his blue eyes full of a desperate plea for you to please, please understand. Please get why he has to do this.

“No, don’t give me that face Steven. I’m never going to be okay with you coming back dirty and bleeding and bruised. I’m never going to be okay with having to patch you up and deal with the week of brooding silence that comes home with you after every mission. I’m not going to be okay that you promised me, and you promised him, that you were done and you were always going to be home in the mornings. Every time you walk out that door I’m afraid you wont come back and if you go, if you break that promise and walk out that door, I’m never going to forgive you.”

You were louder than you wanted to be, loud enough that you knew even without super soldier hearing Bucky could hear what he caused, loud enough that even you could hear the soft stirring in your son’s bedroom. You clenched your jaw and flicked your watery gaze from Steve to the closed bedroom door.

“I’m coming back,” Steve promised softly, his voice cracked with a broken edge.

“But you might not be,” you retorted and slammed the full thermos on the counter in front of him before shoving by him to go to your son’s room.

Steve hated doing this to you again, he hated being the reason that you were going to cry yourself to sleep. He hated that he was going to be disappointing his son when all he wanted was to be a good husband and father. But what he hated the most was that you couldn’t see how much he hated wearing the suit, how even though it wasn’t his war he fought it in the hopes that the world would be safe for you and their son.

He spins the wedding band on his finger, a simple gunmetal ring engraved with your initials. He thought about leaving it here so it wouldn’t get ruined or lost in what he knew would be a battle ending in bloodshed but he knew he would need something to look at and give him a reason to keep pushing if the going got hard. So he sighs deeply and takes one look at your back in the dark of the hallway before grabbing the thermos and leading Bucky out of his home and into the night.

[myfreakydeaky]

I’m back

(Okay I’m really bad with words so bare with me here.)

Recently I’ve been gone. I haven’t left the site but I’ve been not responding to messages or reblogging anything. I’m so fucking sorry. There’s really no good excuse for me ghosting everyone in this site, but I can try to tell some of the reasons I’ve been away and explain myself.

Depression and Anxiety (mental health basically)

This summer I’ve been going through some pretty bad anxiety and depression. It caused me to cut off all of my friends from school and I basically never left the house other than to go shopping or my parents forced me to. I’d open messages and group chats but never respond. About a week before I went back to school, (I’m on my third week now) I responded to some of my friends’ messages. They freaked out. They were so worried that I hadn’t responded to them that as soon as I heard their concern, I broke down. My insecurities caused me to cut everyone off that cared and I hate it. Now that I’m back in school I talk more openly about my anxiety and depression and people (including friends) think I’m weird for doing so, yet they got frustrated when I told them I cut myself off from them because I didn’t want them to know and worry about me. I’m genuinely lucky to have the friends I have (I’ve known some for like 10 years) and I just didn’t want them to stress over how I was doing when they should’ve been enjoying their vacation. I genuinely fantasize about killing myself and how easier everyone’s life would be without me in it. (wow bad ending huh)

2. Comparisons to My Brother

All my life I’ve only seen myself as a burden because my whole life I’ve been compared to my older brother (who is in his senior year of high school). It’s always been “are you ______’s little sister” and “I guess ____ got all the smart genes” and “you should do well in this class since your brother did”. I’ve never really gotten a shot at being me. It dwells on me so much that I see no point in trying to be social or trying in school. I’ll never live up to him. He’s a fucking genius. I love my brother and look up to him but everyone has made it so difficult to admire him because then I’m “wanting to copy him”. So now I dress in black, listen to classic rock, make jokes constantly, don’t play sports, never do my school work, and etc to try and show people that I’m not like my fucking brother and I don’t want to be. Believe me, I love doing those things but it turns into a challenge to like the things you do when people tell you you’re doing them bc your “Hannah”. And yeah, I’m my own type of person and I love it but I don’t like being called different. I’m always saying my oldest brother is the disappointment, my other brother is the smart one, so that leaves me to be the funny one. On the first day of school I had my Spanish teacher say “are you ____’s sister?” And that ruined my whole fucking day. One of the reasons why I live this site is because you don’t know my brother, you just know me. You have nothing to compare me to so I’m a fresh start to you.

3. My Sexuality

Oh my Christ how many times did I put I was straight on this site? Too many. I’m not straight. I’m not even sure if I’m bi or anything. For the time being we’ll just say I’m bi to limit confusion. So I’m a teenage bi gal right in the center of homophobic Texas. Fuck me. Only one person in my family knows and that’s about it and it’s only bc she came out as bi to me and I trust her enough to know she’ll keep it a secret and vise versa. (I had her consent to mention her.) So hello friends! I’m definitely not straight! It’s taken me years to come to terms with it and now that I have it doesn’t feel like a big deal. Everyone where I’ve lived (excluding my mom and cousin bc they are saints and I love them very much) has told me that relationships should be mlw and they should get married and get a house and have children and that’s the circle of life. Well fuck that shit. I’m too stubborn to follow their rules so if I wanna get a girl pregnant (I’ll find a way) and have a baby before I’m married to HER and get an apartment rather than a house I FUCKING WILL.

There’s so much more but I’ll cut it short. I’m sorry I’ve been away. I’m anti-social and am scared to start conversations with people. I don’t blame you and I don’t want you to be mad at me or anything but I completely understand if you are and never want to talk to me again. So many of you are so fucking nice and caring and I’m a piece of shit that took advantage of that and I’m so fucking sorry. I’ve promised writings but I’ve lost all inspiration and motivation to actually go through with them so if any of you’d like to actually do them I’d be glad to send my notes and ideas. I genuinely enjoy talking to you guys but I can’t find the strength to respond for some reason I have yet to discover. I’m really putting it all out there right now so if you have any questions or anything send me and ask and I’ll be glad to respond (fr this time I promise). <3 I love you all so much and I really just want to get back to where I was before. Ty for understanding!

[xavierplym]

Could you please write a Noah one shot along the lines of sbial (minus the catfishing lmao) where they’re like online friends and eventually progress to being best friends and fall in love? 💕

(Unknown) 20:52pm: Hey it’s noah 🤓

She stares at her phone confused, trying to think about to any Noah’s she knows in her life. Picking up her phone slowly in question, she types her response.

You 20:56pm: I don’t know a noah? 🙃

Putting down her phone again, she expects it to be done with but to her surprise her phone buzzes again.

(Unknown) 20:58pm: uh, I met you earlier today and you gave me your number? I said some awful pick up line which you laughed at?

She squint your eyes and hiss, guilt washing over you.

You 20:59pm: hate to burst your bubble, buddy. But I think they gave you the wrong number... 😰

She places her phone down once again but continues to stare at it, waiting for a response.

After a while she gives up and carries on with the horror film she was in the middle of. The buzz of her phone makes her jolt the cup in her hand and have her drink spill down her shirt.

“Shit —“ wiping down her, now wet, shirt she peers over to her screen.

(Unknown) 21:26pm: haha shit. Well don’t I look like a saddo ✌🏻 hey sorry for...

Curiosity getting the better of her, she opens her phone to read the rest of the text.

(Unknown) 21:26pm: haha shit. Well don’t I look like a saddo ✌🏻 hey sorry for bombarding your evening. Please erase this from your memory as I am 😩😂

She laughs at her phone and shakes her head slightly.

You 21:32pm: done. Hope you find your mystery girl 🤷🏼‍♀️

(Unknown) 21:33pm: not sure if I want to now 😂

-

After her weird encounter last week, she was still somewhat thinking about it. Poor guy, she continues to think. They spoke the rest of that night, she enjoyed the conversation - he seemed like a great guy, which make her question too as to why someone gave him the wrong number? Sharing her name and getting to know one another, they have still somewhat kept in touch. A few funny stories of their day here and there through out the week.

Thoughts being pushed aside she starts to chug down her drink as her friend has challenged her. Struggling half way through she tries to push through but another friend makes her laugh causing her to laugh into her cup and beer going everywhere.

“Seriously?!” She exclaims as the rest of them laugh, joining them she sets down her cup and shakes her hands to get most of the dripping beverage off of them. Looking up, she looks past her friends and meets a questioning glance. Furrowing her brows she returns the questioning look, making the guy smirk and squint his eyes. Brushing it off you go back to the conversation with your friends.

-

“So you’re saying...if I do these, eight, tequila shots?” She looks over to the stranger who’s challenged her, feeling like everyone is purposely get her hammered. “I get fifty dollars?” She brings her finger to her lips in thought. Making the guy next to her laugh. “I mean, you don’t have to —“

“Uh! I never said I didn’t!” She butts in, “get that fifty dollars!” She laughs and rubs her hands together.

The guy stands there in completely shock as she takes the last shot, fifty dollars in hand, he slowly hands it to her and she happily takes it.

“Thank you for the fifty dollars and liver failure.” She giggles to herself, “jack what have I told you about doing this –“ the questioning eyes guy from earlier appears behind him and his face drops slightly and goes back to that same questioning look. Making her huff, “Hey quit doing that!” Making him laugh, he raises his hands to defend himself.

“Hey, Hey! Sorry” he continues to laugh.

-

Stepping outside, she deeply takes in some cold air making her shiver. Glancing over, she sees a familiar face, not being able to help herself, she strolls over.

“I’ve seen you all over this party and still don’t know who you are?” She stands straight, somewhat demanding an answer.

His brow raises as he looks at her and breathes out a laugh, “I’m Noah,” he smiles back at his phone, finishing his text.

“Hah! I met a noah the other day...kinda” just as she finishes, her phone buzzes. Ignoring the stranger in front of her, she glances to her phone.

Noah🤷🏼‍♀️ 12:32am: at this party right, and my friend made a bet with this girl that she couldn’t do these 8 tequila shots and if she did she got $50. My friend is now $50 short.

Furrowing her brows she snaps her head up, feeling like she’s just experienced the biggest plot twist of her life.

“Hey!” He snaps his head to her as she hold her phone, screen facing him.

There’s a moment of silence as he puts the pieces together and his expression becomes shocked and he covers his mouth with his hands hiding his laughter.

“No fucking way!” He laughs out loudly as he leans over, “I won that fifty dollars fair and square.” She mutters to herself and he covers his face as he chuckles, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“I am so sorry” he continues to laugh as he lows his hands to his side as he looks at her shaking his head.

“Nice to finally meet you, I guess.”

(Will possibly carry on if I can find the inspiration to make them fall in love. At this current point? I have nothing. But how cute right?!)

Send me cute noah ideas in attempt to cheer myself up ty pls

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight: @highkingfen

Every week we are going to be interviewing a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

I am Cath, I’m 27 years old, I speak French and I live in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. I met my husband on Tumblr, I love cosplaying and doing edits in photoshop. My main blog is @booksandanxieties and, my other side blogs are @themagiciansweirdface and @fillorymedia. I also co-own @neitherlandslibrary.

How long have you been writing for?

Since I am 12, there’s some french harry potter fic written by me in the dark web of ff.net.

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

I missed writing! And there was not a lot of fics when I join (Still remember there were only 15 pages on ao3)

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Arielle and Fen, which is odd I am aware ahha! I adore writing about them because first, we don’t get to see them a lot and I love to explore what they could be and their story and I love writing about what it is to live in Filory and all of its lore, they are both great protagonists to do so.

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

Lately, I have been fixed on 3x05 (life in the day) because I wrote an entire fic named The Golden Tile that is about the first five years of Eliot and Quentin in Fillory’s past. I love rewriting whole season with canon divergences. What if’s are fun to write especially in this fandom, the timelines make it easy to do it!

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

As some may know, I am currently writing an Unofficial The Magicians dnd book! ( @unofficialmagiciansdnd ) It is about 65% done. I have still some of the mechanics to write and a lot of lists to create (Such as a list of spells or a list of magical creatures)

I also write on the side Book 2 of The Golden Tile named Under Pressure. I finished the first fic with a surprise plot twist that was canon divergent, with the second book I explore the consequence; what if Eliot and Quentin found the golden tile 5 years into their quest and comes back on Earth 5 years older with Arielle and Rupert.

How long is your “to do list”?

Not so long, I try to focus on what I write and I tend not to think of other things. But I do have a Twin!Au with Fen and Q that I want to write and Book 2 of my Fenfic where we see her point of view during season 2 and 3.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

That’s cruel to ask. I have two that I am rather proud but if I have to choose, I’d say The Girl from the World in The Wall (that I nicknamed my fenfic) which is the story of Fen before Eliot. We follow her from her 2 years old until she married the High King, learning his name on the altar.

I had started to write it after season 2, totally in love with Fen and mad that we didn’t know anything about her and mad at how the gang treated her. So I wondered what it was to be raised knowing you might marry a king. The word might is important since they didn’t know if Eliot would ever come. I wanted to explore how did she join the FU Fighter and why, despite her beliefs, she accepts her forced marriage. There was a lot to explore there so I started to untangle everything and ended up having to create lore for Fillory because we do not know much of what it is to be a farmer, knifemakers, peasant, in this land. I fell deeply in love with the lore and discovered in Fen a strong woman that decided to choose love and kindness, not out of naivety, but because it is the right thing to do.

When Season 3 aired, I’d finished writing the fic (it was a NaNoWriMo goal) and I was more than happy to discover that what I’d written actually fit what they wrote about her. I ADORE that we got to know her more and don’t get me started on her being an acting king.

P.s: Some of the lore in the Fenfic ended up leaking in The Golden Tile; I love tying my fics in one large universe.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

My fenfic, hands down. I wish they would read The Girl from the world in the wall to see where most of the lore and my love of Fillory comes from. Fen is underestimated in the fandom (Though less since season 3) and deserve more recognition.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

I listen to podcasts all the time so when I write, I need silence. Music distracts me. I always need the thesaurus synonym because I tend to use the same word over and over or know what a word means but finding it imprecise. Which makes writing without internet hard, but now that I know its a must, I try as much as I can, to write where wifi is. Also, I can’t write if someone is in the room. Even if they are doing their own stuff. I don’t know why. Even when I was writing essays for classes it was like that.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I had nothing really going during season 3 and then episode 5 happen and I kinda exploded. Knowing it was a self-contained story (the life having already been lived by Q and Eliot) I started to write while it was airing. It is at the end of it that I decided that the ending of The Golden Tile could be interesting if it was canon divergent; I’m excited to see what Arielle and Rupert bring into the group and if it will lead toward the same choice. Only time will tell!

Otherwise, I usually write One Shot during airing season time, that way I don’t have to overthink things if what I write is not canon compliant anymore.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

My Fenfic. Maybe that’s why it is the one I am the proudest of. To have to create a whole character and yet stick to the canon was exciting. As well as reading as much as I can about Fillory. There was not a lot about it online at the time, so it had been meticulous research (I had the map of FIllory open most of the time I was writing just to be sure of the place I was saying were compliant. ) Before I never did much research before writing a fic, now it is one of my favorite parts

Are there any themes or tropes that you particularly like to explore in your writing?

Canon divergence, as you can see! I love to see the butterfly effect and how one thing can change the whole story. My first longfic Shake it off was about Eliot forcing back Quentin on his med. And that changed a lot of things! Yay for timelines that can make us say its canon!

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

J.K Rowling will always be important for my writing because her universe made me want to write. I read a lot of YA so I can say the author influence my writing because, through reading, I discover what I like and what I don’t which makes me better in the end.

Fanfic-wise, I discovered a lot of great author in this fandom and I hate naming people because if I don’t name someone they might be sad or get discouraged, and I don’t want that. I adore that we got so many writers and that the subjects are so different. It’s not only one trope on one ship over and over. Sometimes I read a summary and I laughed cause I wonder how the author came up with the idea! It made me want to be better and write more elaborate and less easy trope fics.

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Depression had kicked my ass with reading. I went from reading 92 books last year to 4 this year. So yeah, I don’t read as much, but I try to get back in, now that I am feeling better.

I just finished reading There there be Gerblins, a graphic novel of the first arch of The Adventure Zone podcast. It’s really good and funny. In fact, this podcast is part of the inspiration of me writing the DND book.

The Dnd book writing means that I carry everywhere the 5th edition of Dungeon and Dragon with me. It is not a copycat of it, but there are mechanics that are the same or, sometimes, they help me just figure out how to structure the book itself. I love the weird look I get when I go to Starbuck with it.

I just bought a new book by J.K Rowling name Very Good lives and I am excited to read it when I’m going in my next trip; a plane without wifi is a good excuse to read.

Fanfic wise; I usually binge. I wait a month or two and then read everything I haven’t read. But one fic I read the moment there is a new chapter is The Mess We Made by Rays. I looooovelove love it. A must read

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Write first, edit after. Otherwise, you’ll edit the same paragraph the rest of your life.

that or

If 50 shades of gray can be published, you can do it.

they are my two mottoes.

Cringe time:

Are there any words or phrases you worry about overusing in your work?

oh, I have a ton of them. I can’t think of one example but sometimes I get stuck on a word on a paragraph and I am using it for like ever. Hense the wonder of thesaurus synonym website.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

A harry potter one, I probably can find it. I don’t want to. LOL

Rapid Fire Round:

Self-edit or Beta? Self-edit, trying the Beta for Under Pressure!

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes? COMMENTS FOR SURE I LIVE FOR THOSE. how many time did one comment make me continue to write! But honestly, anytime someone acknowledges they read my thing, I am happy and blown away. I forget sometimes, that people want to read my stuff.

Smut, Fluff or Angst? All of the above? Honestly? Depend on the mood!

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn? Depend on the mood too! Usually slow burn but sometimes a good Quick & Dirty is always good

Favourite season? 3

Favourite episode? Six Stories about Magic

Favourite book(The Magicians books)? The first one

Three favourite words? Bunny, kindness, writing

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

[ladyofmind]

July... Oh, July

Where did you go?

Seems like it was just the other day that I got home from that weekend trip and tried to find my routine again. Yes, I didn’t post much about my Nano camping or victory, but that editing work got done. The book itself isn’t finished, but I need a break!

Where else did July disappear to? Some good things came with my minor query attempt... I am waiting for more answers and managed to find myself an AMAZING editor to help me get this massive series into some shape. (Seriously, message me about her, I will be glad to share!) So yeah, that’s where I’ve been, plus or minus a sugar coma birthday weekend... 32 years old now, and that was way too much food. Well loved and over fed for sure.

As with any of my month end wrap-ups, I do like to keep those hashtag games in one place... For the above-mentioned reasons, I didn’t finish all my games this month so I will try my best next month...

More after the jump...

#wipwordsearch

1- Woods started tuning and testing his guitar before finally deciding on the one he wanted, a wicked little smile of his own forming. Two could play this game.

2- Pulling into the parking lot of Woods' building, Remmy stayed silent again, about what was ahead for Tweet.

3- Malta went in bounding search of Remmy, flying at the man for the second time that day.

4- Unfortunately, Malta took his compliment, despite his eyes traveling Tweet's form as discreetly as he could.

5- "He's certainly got my attention, cute little fishy he is." When both girls gave Tweety a look, she shrugged "You know like plenty of fish in the sea?

6- Tweety wanted to be Woods' muse, his sexy little siren, the thing he didn't take his eyes off of and drew inspiration from.

7- NO TURQUOISE

8- Rounding, she held the giggle at Brandon's confusion, even as the show went on. She felt a bit like those streakers that ran through sporting events, the way she was disrupting things. Though this time it wasn't her fault, but if you're already making a spectacle of yourself, might as well go full on.

9- Grabbing his music player and speakers, she continued on, shirt starting to climb up her back as she walked to the bathroom, tossing it just inside the doorway.

10- Woods wasn’t helping the cause, leaning against the door he held open, a mix of dented pride and cat with the canary.

11- NO BLOSSOM

12- She started to move again, softly swaying to the song.

13- He could tell Bebe was the type to do as Tweety wrote, and now Sly wondered if that was the reason miss Tweety sponged down that particular table so.

14- In Frost's mind, this was what a successful operating business looked like; something he'd been trying to have happen in the years he'd been the manager.

15- He had to think a moment to make sure he hadn't said anything other than a comment on food. He couldn't help but smirk, she looked as if he just said the smartest thing ever, and he knew himself well enough to know that couldn't happen.

16- That left Malta and Tweety to finish attempting to send the men on their way. Of course they were not being forced out, but the party had wound down nicely, and those boys needed to be up early to ship out, so they were trying to be mindful of this.

17- It could be called pretty, even if it sorely needed some updating. She looked past him, down the row of empty spaces, her own history easily meshing here too.

18- NO CHISEL

19- She somehow had bags of stuff again but knew the last stop she needed to make before getting to work; ordering two boxes of assorted cupcakes from her bakery boys, who seemed a bit surprised (she) came back.

20- Tweet just felt it more, the enormous mistake this would be.

21- That didn't quite help because he gripped the edge, and sunk down a little. "Maybe you should take ten first? You don't look so good."

22- Returning her attention to the drinkers, who had abandoned all the empty bottles, moving instead to the couch, swigging from some dented flask.

23- NO ZOOM

24- She'd lost count of them all now, and that probably wasn't a good thing to admit to. Just because she chased after one man, didn't mean she wasn't being tailed by more than enough of her own.

25- "Maybe if I could get another drink? I guess I can't drink through my skin." Deej gave the stink eye to Roger, before shrugging and rubbing the back of his head with a chuckle. "Anyone got an extra shirt?"

26- Woods laughed with a nod to the rest of the group, stepping a little closer to the microphone "I do believe the naughty nurse Trouble just issued another challenge, one we intend to take on."

27- Malta started to sway to the music, causing Tweet to do the same, and then they covered an ear each when the club could hear the way Frost boomed "Lass!"

28- Making a face as he downed the drink, Collar figured partying too hard wasn’t as bad as alliteration. "Good luck sir." He saluted and then wandered off, finding a nice table of random people to bother.

29- She could write a book about how to divert attention from yourself.

30- NO HAPHAZARD

31- Her back ached as if she had jumped into a pool and met with the solid wall of water, stinging her all over.

#CharactersTell

1/7- "Ballentine Rajneesh Siyamak, but you can call me Sly for short." In an old school fashion, Sly bent at the waist. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, and welcome to Soulful. Are you here to see Tweety about the Red Letters series?"

2/7- Sly- "Back in the old country, I slept under the stars, or in a tent a time or two. Now? I suppose one might consider me a hotel camper, if one sees the club's bedrooms as a hotel, even if I hardly use it…"

3/7- Sly- "I know my way around a few things, been around a while. I once managed a spider infestation with a loo brush and pail."

4/7- Sly- "I love the outdoors, big fan of walking around at night, contemplating life in the darkest time of day."

5/7- Sly- "I don't get scared, so I must be telling them? I am not aware I am telling scary stories though, given that I am already often told how terrible I am at noticing flirtatious behavior aimed at me."

6/7- Sly- "Cooking? I am more of a concocter. I make a mean milkshake, and have been known to mix up some drinks and make something new."

7/7- Sly- "I like music, I do, but I don't sing. Not unless it will lighten the mood, and that is a last resort option."

8/7- "Oh? I've never been to camp! Hey fellow campers, I'm Raven, and I'm in a cabin all by my lonesome, stop by for a visit won't you?"

9/7- Raven- "Stargazing? I mean there was this one time, in an outdoor hot tub," *blushes* "We were under the stars but I didn't notice them much…"

10/7- Raven- "Why do we talk about me so much? I want to know about you. What's your favorite activity? I'll try anything once, twice if it's a good time…"

11/7- Raven- "Why ask me something like that? Do you want me to follow you? Because I totally would."

12/7- Raven- "Depends on if I'm taking that dip alone or not. Will you be joining me? I'd do it with you."

13/7- Raven- "Of course I am, anything you want, I'm willing to do, even change for you, so long as you love me."

14/7- Raven- "The bar that was home changed, so that sense of home is gone for a while now. But if you're offering to have me move in with you, of course I will!"

15/7- "Cop" Collar- "Hm, the Intel said that scumbag was here. Better let Nira know Tim's still out there." *texts back and forth* "What do you mean go camping for a while? I wasn't prepared to camp here…."

16/7- "Cop" Collar- *chuckles while unloading car* "Depends on the mountains… More of a poolside camper lately, but apparently I'm stuck in this forest for a few days."

17/7- "Cop" Collar- *finishing pop up tent* "I flirt all the time, ladies love the man thong, men too. Unless you mean a different kind of tent?" *pulls half deflated blowup doll from trunk into tent* "Leftover from a prank, but a good mattress you pervs."

18/7- "Cop" Collar- "I really shouldn't because alcohol starts the party… but I am off duty for a few days before the big bash…" *Chugs a large high proof bottle*

19/7- "Cop" Collar- *bleary eyed* "Always… Where's my thong? WHO TOOK MY THONG?" *spies a guy lost on the path* "You! You must have taken it!" *gives chase to poor guy* (this author spares some details for PG purposes)

20/7- "Cop" Collar- "Oh, great with knots, not so great with shelters."

*finishes hog tying guy with only man thong as rope*

"Collar, dude, it's Nathan Winners. Chef Nathan, you know, your buddy? I never stole your thong! You gotta stop that. Man, Deej owes me for this mess."

21/7-"Cop" Collar-"Usually I'm great at weathering a storm, but in this case, I gotta head back, someone has to help with club security. The big bash is a big deal. If you can get free & bring my man thong, you can get home Wieners." *pats hog tied man & leaves.*

22/7- Chef Nathan Winners- *struggles to get free* "It was a cute joke or pet name the first time. Haha, Chef Wieners. I am never helping Deej by delivering a meal to the woods again. Never stole the stupid thing!"

23/7- Chef Nathan- "I like walking thru the parks and taking the scenic route on my 4am supply runs. It's calm and quiet, plus who doesn't love getting the freshest food to cook with?"

24/7- Chef Nathan- "Did… did you not see what happened this time? That's the worst it's ever been for me. I prefer going alone and wandering the farmer's markets. No danger there, just me and the ingredients."

25/7- Chef Nathan- "I am not adventurous beyond my food. Unless you count navigating the strange people that are my friends, like Collar and Deej."

26/7- Chef Nathan- "I wander and take the long way home on nice days, but never get lost. Probably why a certain cat man calls me whenever he's hungry or lost but not lost."

27/7- Chef Nathan- "Urban legends? Not that I know of. I know a lot of food legends, and there are myths about some of the wilder things that happen in the bar's front of house."

28/7- Chef Nathan- "Is anything weirder than getting hog tied with Collar's man thong? Like seriously… I better get it back to him before he comes back to torture me more."

29/7- Antag Raven- "OMG I SING!!"

MC Sly- "… I suppose that means I shall be forced to play music?"

30/7- Yes! NO!!

SC Collar- "What do you mean no?"

BG Nathan- "You are not someone I want to turn my back on, let alone close my eyes around…" *returns the rope thong*

31/7- Sly- "Tell stories?"

Raven- "Karaoke!!!"

Collar- "Can't we just drink instead…?"

Nathan- "Time to pack, definitely time to leave camp."

#WIPJoy

2- Quick pitch? A women's journey through a life that is 'Cheers' crossed with 'Animaniacs' and surviving mostly sane. That's the Red Letters series!

3- Tweety took a breath before a gorgeously wicked smile spread her face. "Wouldn’t you like to know deary?" Shoulder lifting in a halfhearted shrug, "Probably will have to stick around to find out."

Song- Trouble for me/Britney Spears https://youtu.be/DQNm-P_1VVY

4- Woods started tuning and testing his guitar before finally deciding on the one he wanted, a wicked little smile of his own forming. Two could play this game. #RedLettersTeasers

5- Side char love?

-Malta the Cockney with a bold streak.

-Bebe that crazy friend who makes you do things.

-Roger the lynx cat with an attitude and cupcake addiction.

6- #1randomques Tweet's sorta done this before. But she'd say "It's just a woman's life, full of love, friends, and some legendary stories. It's up to you to believe me or not."

7/8- Tweet's care package includes:

-purple and red pens

-fun notebooks

-new music for her player

-cupcakes

9- Tweet likes pancakes and bacon or chicken fingers with french fries.

10- Tweet's got some food issues, being a picky eater… But Woods, another MC is allergic to cherries.

11- …close enough lol…

"He's certainly got my attention, cute little fishy he is." When both girls gave Tweety a look, she shrugged "You know like plenty of fish in the sea?" #RedLettersTeasers

12- Cupcakes. Thank goodness there is a temperamental cook or two that can make real food too…

13- #1randommques I'm a Gordon Ramsey fan. So, one char would be in trouble for the "herbs" in his brownies. Another might have a distance contest about flinging food, while a third would just be trying to figure out how to frost the chef…

14/15- Tweet has a chef to cook, but left to her own devices, it's candy. Or basics learned as a kid- cereal, quick processed foods, the no cook, doesn't expire for 5 years types of things. So, might be going to the diner to eat.

16- Tweety- "Things were rough growing up, but I always enjoyed chances to be near the water. Pools, oceans, it always called to me.

17- Antag- Brandon- "That's simple. Get off the stage, drink until that night's groupie is ready to play, and pass out around dawn."

18- Collar stepped up to the sink, like he would wash out his shirt, careful to slur his speech as well. "Swell party, til your drink ends up on your gut, not in it." #RedLettersTeasers

19- Tweety- "I can't tell you that. I have a few regrets in my life, but I also try to be a private person, even in the middle of a crowded nightclub."

20- #1randomques - Let's see… My chars are glad that I have managed to overcome bouts of depression, and that I am progressively working on the crippling anxiety. But they are still concerned about what part of the brain "Tim" comes from, and the things he does…

21- Antag- Lady S- "I hired her."

22- Most tech savy- Nira, considering he runs and watching the security system

Least- Deej fries his fur on the jukebox regularly.

[witcher-not-quitter]

1, 2, 20 for the writer ask meme!

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for? Ohh boy giving me flash backs to 2016 when i made my first fic. It was SWTOR(star wars the old republic) over my female Sith Inquisitor and a certain charming pirate,  Andronikos Revel. it was a one shot fic that is still on my ao3 today. Which is kinda funny since I got a Kudos for the first time in years on it, yesterday.

Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them? I haven’t actually cause I get pretty worn out quickly mentally. Though I am kinda new still on really taking up writing and I haven’t felt so much enthusiasm about a fandom till being in the witcher fandom with great people. like you. inspiring me left and right.

What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written? oooh, This is a nice one. How can you make me choose my ocs?? even the minor ones?? Since I only have one fic that has minor characters, I really love them all(ya know that fic Posi =D) I can’t say Anya is a minor character with all her involvement so far in my fic so I might have to choose Serphae. There is a lot about this bruxa that i really want to write more on but don’t cause i think it might take away from the story. Then again I started writing LYCBG without much any planning for it. 

(ty for the ask my wonderful friend)

[classpects-for-dummies]

Hello I was wondering if you guys aren't to busy if you can tell me how a Fansession with a Heir of Time, Sylph of Space, Page of Life, Prince of Heart, Maid of Hope(Leader) and a Rogue of Blood(2nd in Command) would work out together and maybe (if you want to) what kinda stuff they'd get up 2. Thanks in Advance

Two canon classpects? Nice.

Maid of Hope: creates and restores Hope, and through Hope.If you say this is the leader, then so they are. To me, it seems like they don’t really like being the leader though.

Maids tend to start off rather submissive in their aspect, letting it walk over them while relying on others to use their aspect for them. This Maid is no different, and as a result, they are likely to start their journey in a dark place. They may suffer from depression, but they certainly need other people to give them Hope. However, as they develop, they grow into their aspect, and learn to find it in themselves more than others, which is just what this Maid will do; they will switch from needing to be inspired all the time, to being the beacon of optimism, faith, and joy in their session.

This player, despite their own difficulties with themselves, is kindhearted and genuine. It is against their nature to lie or be deceptive, and they find it hard to hurt people. One of their greatest joys in life is helping people - however, this leads to their greatest weakness: being overly optimistic and gullible.

Despite this, the Maid is great both as a big hitter and a support class, and with the session you have, I see them more as the latter: going around and creating Hope in their teammates where there may be none.

Rogue of Blood: one who steals and redistributes Blood.I hope your players like each other, because either way, they’re going to very soon.

The Rogue of Blood is an incredible player at bringing together teammates and helping to defeat an insurmountable enemy. Thanks to their ability as the passive relocation class, the more the enemy bands together, the stronger their powers will be. They can steal the bonds tying enemies together and redistribute them to teammates, making them stronger together, and helping them to fight as a unit.

This player being the second-in-command is a fantastic idea, as not only this player but Blood players, in general, are great at pulling people together to a common cause. The challenge for them will be devoting themselves to the cause and not pursuing their own agenda at the cost of the goal. (see: Kankri.)

They give good relationship advice, as well as general emotional advice, making them a good moral support player, even if most of this job will be performed by another player.

Though their powers seem support-y, they are likely to be one of the sessions real offensive players, alongside the Prince.

Prince of Heart: one who destroys Heart, and destroys through Heart.We have a canon Prince of Heart, meaning we have a lot of information to go on here.

The Prince, as with both destructive classes, begins by rejecting their aspect and leaning on the opposite as a crutch: in this case, Mind. They will be cold, calculating, and blindingly efficient. They do their best to be completely rational and purge themselves of all feeling, for whatever reason. However, as long as they maintain this facade, they will not be in tune with their aspect, and therefore, their powers.

Unlike the Bard, who will have a sudden trigger pulled to unleash their powers, the Prince’s journey to accepting their aspect is slow and gradual. The more they progress, the more they unlock, and boy, do they have some serious power to release.

The destructive classes are notoriously powerful by themselves, and the Prince of Heart does not change this at all; they can literally destroy the souls of the enemy: their existence, their image, their feelings and emotions, all gone. This player is your main offensive player: when powered by support players (your Maid, Rogue, and Page) there is very little they can’t do.

With the strength of their powers comes the difficulty of their challenge; they must learn to accept their aspect in a safe and natural way while maintaining the common goal of the session. Princes do have a tendency to pursue their own personal plans, valuing them more than the session. The aforementioned support players will help keep them on track.

Page of Life: one who invites exploitation of Life, and through Life.You feel like you need support, but you can make it on your own.

Both exploitation classes are about development. But while Knights take rapid evolution, Pages are about slow, subtle improvements over a long period of time to unleash awesome power. They will start their journey, even before the game, with a deficit of their aspect: in this case, a lack of ability to grow due to circumstances beyond their control. As they keep moving through the game, they understand how to take back their aspect and use it for good, instead of the way it was used to taunt or otherwise hurt them or others.

This is another support class, and their biggest strength is arguably their ability to inspire. Life is about energy, force, movement, and above all else, screwing the rules. The Page can supply all of this in excess to their teammates, as well as general healing. Although, as a passive class, their healing specifically will not be as potent as it could be, they can keep a steady flow of Life dripping into other Players, topping up their health and keeping them fighting at maximum strength. They are also going to be the team’s counsellor: giving the energy back particularly to the Maid and the Prince.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: keep the Page away from the Sylph. A Sylph’s natural tendency to fix things and meddle in matters beyond them will mean that the Page doesn’t develop naturally and will never realise. Their challenge is to make it on their own, without being guided every step of the way.

Sylph of Space: one who invites creation and restoration of and through Space.Another canon classpect. Off to Kanaya this time.

The Sylph of Space naturally begins as a creative in one way or another - be it art, music, fashion, fiction - and as quite intelligent.Sylphs are naturally quite focused on their aspect: they can talk about it at great length and will tend to see any lack of their aspect as a fault and fix it. This makes them efficient, but also tends to make them nosey. They use their aspect in their free time, a hobby of sorts that pertains to their aspect.

They will find the task of breeding surprisingly easy, if not long and menial. The Heir will be their companion in this, and they are likely to get along very well. Thanks to their affinity with healing and creation, they will be able to easily create frogs with the genetic code they need and breed the Genesis Frog with little to no difficulty. However, while their powers will help them with breeding itself, it will not help with actually collecting the frogs, which is what will make the task long. Again, the Heir helps here. So overall, their challenge is to focus: to focus on their own task instead of coddling, and to focus on their task no matter how long it takes.

Combat-wise, this player is a support/healer: they are great at creating tools and items to help support their players such as medicine and stat boosting items (think Pokemon vitamins) although they can also heal innately. This healing is much more powerful on inanimate objects than people, but it is useful regardless.

Heir of Time: one who invites manipulation of and through Time.Heirs have two distinct features alongside their designated verb: they are protected by their aspect, and will eventually embody and become their aspect.

Heirs instinctively use their powers without even noticing, so even before they realised - even before the game - this Player is protected by Time. They always end up where trouble is… just a little before or a little after everything goes pear-shaped. Or you can see this from the point of view of destruction: they are saved by things being destroyed around them - but I think personally this is more a Bard of Time’s behaviour and am leaning toward the former.

As they develop, they will begin to realise that Time has always been on their side, and will begin to influence it, subtly at first, but constantly growing in magnitude until the Heir *becomes* the timeline. At this point, doomed timelines and broken loops are no longer a problem: the Heir can simply shape the timeline around issues, effectively eliminating them from causing trouble.

Once they reach this level, assisting the Sylph in breeding will not be an issue at all, and will complete it with relative ease.

The Heir’s problem lies in being consumed by Time: as they become the timeline more and more, they also become Time, and all that comes with it, including destruction. Given the chance, they may completely snap and turn murderous, becoming the embodiment of death and destruction. Page and Maid, if you don’t help them it will spell the end of your session.

In conclusion, I really like this session, a lot. You have some really complementary classpects and everything seems to work together well! You have a 2/4 active/passive class imbalance which could be a problem, and a 4/2 +/- aspect imbalance which could also be a problem. However, given that your active classes include a Prince, I don’t think this session will have a problem with getting shit done, nor do I think they will be overly optimistic, with the Prince and the Heir keeping everyone grounded. Every single player has a vital role in this session, and it would probably fail without any one of them, which I think is the best way to show you have a successful session.

Good luck and have fun!

- mod Aaron :B

(p.s. You may have noticed that while the other mods keep session asks nice and concise, I tend to ramble a little and write sometimes upwards of 2000 words. If you specifically want a nice concise session ask, please stick “short ass session” on the bottom of your asks! If you want a long rambly infodump, please stick “long ass session” on the bottom! Or don’t write either if you don’t mind. Thanks!)

[joneswilliam72]

Watch: Music and resistance to drug warrior tyranny – Boiler Room’s To Live and Die in Manila.

I caught up with Angela Stephenson, the director behind To Live and Die in Manila (which you can watch free below), Boiler Room's new short documentary on President Rodrigo Duterte's brutal authoritarianism and extra-judicial killings in the Philippines – of not just drug pushers but users too – and the artists who oppose it using their creative output.

Since becoming president of the Philippines in 2016, Rodrigo Duterte's war on drugs has caused widespread fear and devastation across Manila. Set in one of the world's most dangerous cities, To Live and Die in Manila gives a vital voice to the musicians (particularly artists like Eyedress, Owfuck, BP Valenzuela, Teenage Granny and Jeona Zoleta) putting their life on the line for their right to showcase creativity that their country associates with drug crimes punishable by death.

This is actually the second interview I've done with Stephenson on this project. The first can be read here at CitizenTruth.org – it gets more deeply into the politics and happenings underlying the resistance of these Filipino artists to Duterte's authoritarian rule.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

For the interview here, Stephenson and I sat down for a chat more about her artistic methods and the actual aesthetic of To Live and Die in Manila – along with the huge challenges of filming such a fundamentally subversive piece in a country where many basic rights have been stripped away.

Catch To Live and Die in Manila – and the interview – below.

TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

Hello Angela and welcome to The 405! To start things off, I was hoping we could an idea of your artistic history. What attracted you to film as an art form?

Hi, thank you! I've always been interested in photography, but when I didn't get into my chosen university to study for a photography degree, I put it on the backburner and continued to shoot only as a hobby. I started with doing gig photography for fun, and through that I fell into the music industry. I worked with Boiler Room for several years on their live broadcast team, filming parties all over the world. When they started looking at covering more of the context behind the shows, I expressed an interest in moving into a more storytelling role, and with that I eventually started making documentaries and other short-form pieces, it felt like a natural progression.

What initially inspired you to do To Live and Die in Manila?

I really just wanted to shine a spotlight on the amazing music coming out of Manila. I realised I was in a good position to be able to help put Filipino music culture on the map, but I couldn't do that without addressing the situation in the country that all these artists were subjected to and openly vocal about in a lot of their music.

The visual language of the film really suited the subject matter. Gritty, realistic and this sort of balance between despair and precarious hope (reflected in the musicians and artists too). Could we get a look at your process to get the visuals you did?

I guess it was a case of trying to find the balance between celebrating Filipino culture and capturing the realities of life in Manila. I think despair and hope are feelings that you can flit between on an almost daily basis in Manila. To me, the city is beautiful, colourful, and visually stimulating and I wanted to capture that, but it comes with a lot of hard truths that you need to swallow in order to just go about your day. Accepting the traffic, the poverty, and the underlying feeling of danger is all part of life in the city.

Indeed.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

The visuals were shot over a period of two years on two different trips to Manila. On one of the trips I met Paco Raterta, who is a very talented director living and working out of Manila, and he lent me a lot of the visuals he used to create the music video for Eyedress's "Manila Ice" single. Snippets of the video are also featured in the film, particularly the scenes depicting the anonymous dead bodies that you see before Den Sy Ty's performance. These are the kind of images you were seeing in the news at the time.

Cool. Any interesting or funny moments stick out from the filming process?

The whole process felt like one big adventure, I'll never forget it. People are always pretty curious when you're out filming on the streets. I remember being asked angrily by a stranger if I was a journalist when I jumped out of the car to quickly film the posters depicting Duterte as Hitler. People are very sensitive to criticism of the president, and the Philippines is considered the deadliest country in Asia to be a journalist, they're often killed in their line of work and the current government is very keen on silencing Duterte's detractors, so it was sobering to feel threatened for just trying to capture footage in the street.

Really heroic what journalists do in fundamentally authoritarian countries like the Philippines under Duterte.

The part where Owfuck talks about taking acid as part of their creative writing process used footage shot in the red light district, it's quite a common place for people to shoot in because of all the neon lights.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA showing a scene from the city's interior.

I bet. The realism it brought added greatly to the atmosphere.

I shot it on a big Russian 16mm camera that I bought second hand, and I hadn't inserted the film correctly so all the footage from that day came back fucked up. It ended up being a total blessing in disguise as it actually visually reflected an acid trip quite accurately.

Gotta love those kind of happy accidents. What were the other challenges like?

Taking what is not a popular stance on the government was always going to be challenging. My Filipino mother falls into the majority of the population, being a supporter of Duterte, and I kept the entire process a secret from her until the film was finished. When I eventually sent her the final edit, she was really upset by it. The fact that I had to release the film knowing it could put a strain on our relationship was a burden, but I knew that her view would be shared by a lot of Filipinos, and it prepared me for any criticism to come, from people who would be unhappy by the way the country and the president had been depicted.

Wow yeah.

The criticism just proves how much this film and more like it are really needed, there's a cognitive shift that needs to take place in order for a lot of Filipinos to sympathise with the people whose lives are being affected by the issues discussed here. Jess Kohl's Anarchy in the Philippines film, which was a great portrayal of a punk community in Manila and Tarlac reacting to the war on drugs, also suffered the same fate in the comments section.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

My challenge was inevitably having to challenge a Filipino audience to put their pride aside. This film isn't about blaming Duterte for everything, it's about asking ourselves what attitudes we're reinforcing by allowing our leader to condemn an entire group of people to death, instead of effectively engaging with the affected communities and helping tackle the problem from the root. It's about what example we're setting for ourselves and the next generation, who have only ever been taught that life is cheap in the Philippines.

That gets excellently into another pertinent question. What do you hope will be the main takeaway for people from the film?

I hope that the film engages young Filipinos in the Philippines and around the world, there's a lot of people out there like me who don't believe that we're going in the right direction, that the government is taking shortcuts to tackle a very complex problem.

I am as well, by the way.

Giving the artists in the film a platform to express how they feel and respond to their surroundings is just one small thing I could do to allow people to see how they're being affected directly and indirectly, how they're suffering mentally from living in a society that doesn't place enough value on human lives. We need to strive for a more peaceful society, and it's possible to leave behind the culture of violence that's been passed down from previous governments, but only if we collectively choose to move away from what is deeply rooted classism and seek the truth without prejudice.

Agreed.

The freedom to live without fear is something we should all be entitled to, not just the privileged few who can ignore the problem because they're happy to live under an increasingly authoritarian regime that only sacrifices the freedoms of those considered below them.

Music and art are pretty profound things in terms of their ability to effect social change. What can our readers do – if anything – to help in that?

I feel lucky to have been given the opportunity to talk about what's going on, I think people just being aware of the issues is important, especially in an age of fake news and the government trying to cover its tracks to deny any wrongdoing.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

Couldn't agree more. It's a scourge really.

Duterte's style of leadership is hugely controversial and that also makes it distracting. Showing support for the journalists, photojournalists, musicians and artists who are often putting their lives or careers on the line to criticise the government, will hopefully go a long way. Their efforts can't be for nothing, and there's few people in the country actually taking them seriously. I urge people interested in this topic to look into the work of Filipinos like Maria Ressa, who has just been named as one of Time's people of year alongside other journalists from around the world. And Ezra Acayan, who is a photographer that has been on the ground documenting the suffering of the families who have lost loved ones to the war on drugs since its inception.

Absolutely. Real journalists need support now more than ever.

One question I ask everybody, what films and directors do you consider most pivotal on forming your outlook as a visual artist?

Y Tu Mamá También by Alfonso Cuarón has been one of my favourite films since I was a teenager, and it was special in the way that it was not only adventurous, beautifully shot, and emotionally stirring but also subtly captured the political and economic realities of Mexico at the time and the classist tension between the two main protagonists.

Watching LoveTrue by Alma Har'el was also quite pivotal for me, she blurred the lines between documentary and narrative in such a fascinating way and you could really feel just how involved she was in the lives of her subjects during the filming process.

Still from TO LIVE AND DIE IN MANILA.

And visually, Robby Müller's cinematography has always inspired me. I actually filmed the Manila sunset scene at the beginning of To Live and Die in Manila for another short film I was making based in the city, but when Eyedress said "to live and die in Manila" during our interview, I had to pull it from the other film to use as a tribute to Müller’s work on the opening credits of To Live and Die in LA, it felt quite serendipitous.

Wow. Very fitting. What makes a great film? And what makes a great documentary?

Personally I'm very visually driven, so the cinematography has to be considered and captivating.

Absolutely.

I think first and foremost however I'm quite emotional so I love films that evoke any feelings that I can relate to but can also introduce me to new feelings, and I appreciate any film that can do this by taking me out of the comfort of reality, even if only for a brief moment. While I think documentaries absolutely benefit from having an impartial view and a lot of them need this in order to tell a story accurately, I also think there's a special place for documentaries where you can feel the director has worked alongside the subjects to really express their point of view – that takes a lot of empathy.

Definitely. Have to get in the thick of it – as you did here – to get something really compelling. Finally, what's next for you?

I hope to continue making films that both celebrate and critique different aspects of Filipino culture. Everyone you meet there has an interesting story to tell and I'd like to depict some of these in both documentary and narrative film formats. It's also worth exploring the huge population of overseas Filipinos – there's a lot of issues surrounding the treatment of domestic workers abroad for example. Eyedress and I also made a music video together after meeting and working on this film, so I'd like to form more relationships with artists and make videos together that way too.

Stephenson directed this Eyedress video.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2sQgxLS

[portlandbycalifornia]

My Perfect Match

Portland OkCupid profiles that I have matched with an average rate of 85% copied verbatim (spelling mistakes and all) and complied to create the ultimate dream man.   

My Self-Summary

Vegan INTP bike nerd. I consistently test on either side of INFJ/INTJ.  Very into self-improvement, various energy healing modalities, healthy living, escaping the matrix, etc.   I Love to go to festivals. Fire dancing is my favorite hobby but crafting my wearable leather art is my passion. I take care of my body. I am attracted to women that take care of their mind, body and soul. Non-monogamy is a gift that my partner and I have given each other.

I smile and encourage others in passing. I am going through a period of transformation, renewal, and brutal honesty. Finding wisdom in deeper levels and adopting a fresh perspective on my relationship with the world. I savor genuine human connection and I am resourced and ready to face whatever comes in its way.  I have a vision and I need you and your vision. I need the vision to come down and be embodied here in community. I love the transformation and creating something beautiful and lasting.

I am a highly sensitive person, with extreme shifts between introvert and extrovert, who feels emotions on a grand scale and often cannot hide this with masks, barriers, or boundaries. I am a glorious mess with a lot of love to give, digging deep to find that love for myself which will provide the foundation from which I will seek balance in all that I give – to myself and to others.

I just want to let you know my hair is to my butt so if that is not your thing or you judge a book by the cover pass me by.

Let's play together!

What I’m Doing With My Life

Unraveling the mysteries of the universe.  Daydreaming about getting out in the woods for a week.  After ending a long term relationship last year I devoted most of my spare time to internal examination.

I have passed through eleven years of severe mental health issues that have put my life and the pursuit of my dreams and happiness on hold. I submitted to the Western Idea of Medicine – to only soothe the symptoms, and not address the root cause.

I raise happy animals and plants to feed wise and caring people. I am spreading love, happiness, and joy wherever I go. It's who I am and a big part of what I bring to this world. Learning is a hobby as well as my vocation

I'm into tribal dancing. I pray when I dancing. I do ancient dancing sacred to Mayan and Aztec. I can make shoes. I can fix cars. I garden. I'm kind of everything as I age. I see so much wisdom I have and knowledge in the seen and unseen. Being on here discredits my karma and manifestation abilities. I'm not part of sex positive not will I club up for love. I'm very serious I might add. I'm the real deal. I know medicine well. Even Latin. I'm not some rich kid. I'm actually poverty

I am wearing a couple kilts in my pictures. I enjoy wearing them, I am getting more in touch with my Irish heritage. Yes, in two of them, I am also wearing tights. They are tights for men, but still tights. They are comfortable, and nice to wear. More and more men are beginning to realize what woman have known for a very long time. Leggings, tights (and even bodysuits) are really very comfortable.

I am living everyday striving to become my most authentic self by practicing AHO. I am currently in the midst of a revolution. It is beautiful and it is heartbreaking. It is inspiring and it is painful. It is passionate and it is overwhelming. It is full of challenges, ideas, roadblocks, breakthroughs, breakdowns, searching, yearning, learning how to take care of myself for the first time ever, and attempting to find community, my own family or tribe where I can continue this journey surrounded by support and love and possibility and responsibility. The past year has been surreal and fascinating.

I run. I hide. I fall into deep pockets of introspection and isolation. I get foggy and lose track of time, and it is difficult to focus on anything that doesn't feed into this ancient evil of helplessness, hopelessness, agony, and suffering.  I work at festivals like the Oregon Country Fair, Pacific Fire Gathering to name a couple.

What I am Looking For

What I am looking for? First of all, I am not a bigot, or racist, or anything, but I prefer to date within my race. Please. Also, I DO judge you by your profile pic. Shallow?...no. I just am more likely to click on your photo if you are smiling, or you have made it a point to look like you are enjoying yourself. Has nothing to do with how attractive you are. Some pictures....they could double as county jail in-processing pictures. SMILE Fer fuk sakes!!

I find that SOME of the ladies who write that they don't want to see pictures of a mans junk, who are here for a serious intentions, and not here for a quick fling are quite often the same ones who have their camera half way down their shirt, showing me how large their cleavage is, how big their breasts are etc....Frankly, I really don't want to be seeing how big your chest is, anymore than you want to be seeing my junk.

I prefer to look for someone who already has children or willing/interested in adoption, (for that is the ULTIMATE show of love) If you have kids, the younger they are better. Because yes, I want to experience all that being a father brings. Being up 2 hours after I went to sleep to change a diaper, or woo them back to sleep, or holding them after a scary dream. I yearn for the days of showing them how to do things like holding a bat catching a ball, tying their shoes, going to games, and recitals, and yes....even going so far as to play dress up. (Yes, I am cool with that, you should be too).

I believe we transfer energy by who we hang with. So No Burners please. Your weird and high. Not my kind of people.

I’m Really Good At

Getting present via: breath, tapping cortices, lips & tail (energy points), mindfulness, adrenaline, focused effort, etc. Falling apart and putting myself back together again.  Spinning fire for the masses, helping others, loving you, expanding my consciousness and all I set my mind to. I’m REALLY good at talking.

The first things people usually notice about me

Perhaps it's that I emanate a god-like quality of peace, love, and understanding to everyone around me, also my eyes. Bonus points if you find something else to compliment first.

Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, and Food

Science and Sanity by Alfred Korzybski Immediatism by Hakim Bey Mother of the Universe: Visions of the Goddess and Tantric Hymns of Enlightenment by Lex Hixon Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu Theory of Harmony by Arnold Schoenberg

I don’t own a tv.  You shouldn’t either.

Lately I've been listening to Beats Antique, String Cheese Incident, Job To Do, Bassnectar and Blue Lotus. Music is whatever can get me moving, enrich my soul, make me cry, reminds me of something special. Right now I'm listening to a lot of 5 finger death Punch and Tool repetition, polyrhythms, heaviness, swing, bass, texture, sweetness, darkness, contrast, ambience. My own music has been an attempt to reconcile my love of the traditions springing forth from dub reggae and gay disco.

Heathy food is a big part of my life. I am a big juicer and my superfood bullet is the best purchase ever.

Six(teen) Things I Could Never Do Without

Music

Intellectual stimulation

Physical stimulation

My bike

Reflection

All my special people

Reclaiming my power to create change

Rest Laughter (especially that of children) Tears Artistic expression Human connection Surrender

Festival season

Passport

Sex

I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About

How to get the perfect balance in my life between all my conflicting goals and desires. Discovering how to leave a positive impact on humanity, loving life and those in it, entrepreneurial activities (in conscious business), etc.

Where I should ride on my weekend. Road or mountain bike? Probably mountain bike, but which trail and how far am I willing to drive this weekend? Should I camp somewhere?

Doing what I'm here to do, and helping others get on their journey to do the same. I've been feeling more & more tuned in to the fact that we're all perfect the way we are, going through what we're going through (we each have our own reality that may or may not make sense to each person), and could all use reminders to dial in to our divine selves even more in each moment. How can we live & be more authentic in every moment, while turning up the volume on who we really are and what we're really passionate about?

On A Typical Friday Night I am

I am into spontaneity and flow. Making homemade cashew ice "cream".Making rhythmically driven noise (pretty & noisy types). Working on a deep poem. Practicing dancing or doing Danza.

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit

I tend to Meow a lot. Usually out loud, and sometimes at inappropriate moments.

You Should Message Me If

You appreciate being present and want to discover someone to share memorable moments with. You are truly open to an abundance of possibilities. You've got more passion/drive in life than most.  You choose to live life the way that makes sense to you (rather than following everything as pre-described). You've explored enough about yourself to deeply know you. You actually know the world we live in, and you're still in gratitude to be here in this time! You'd love someone to learn, grow, & live passionately with. You get that logic has its limits. You get the gist of me and my energy from this, even though there's SOOO much more to me (I am a Libra)! ;)

You work to be kind to yourself and others. You can manage your expectations and can trust me to manage mine. You don't hide from your despair and you know joy. You are strong at the broken places.  

If your profile is real and you live near or in Portland. I am very busy and do not have time for games

I will NOT meet expectations of masculine behavior. I am strictly sexually submissive. You will have to pursue me and make me feel desired.

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

World Diabetes Day 2011 + Awareness Month = Almost Here!

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/world-diabetes-day-2011-awareness-month-almost-here/

World Diabetes Day 2011 + Awareness Month = Almost Here!

November is nearly upon us, which means the biggest month in diabetes advocacy is about to begin! As most of you know, November is National Diabetes Awareness Month, and don't forget to circle Nov. 14 in blue — that's World Diabetes Day.

World Diabetes Day was launched unofficially in the mid-1980s by the International Diabetes Federation (IDF), and then was crystalized in 2007 when a UN Resolution was passed, acknowledging diabetes as a global epidemic and crisis. It is the only noncommunicable disease to be recognized with a UN Resolution, so Nov. 14 is a big deal!

The IDF is encouraging everyone to get involved at a local level, with lighting up monuments in blue and some really fun stuff, like organizing a flash mob in your city or town.

Bottom line: there are loads of opportunities for getting involved in this year's awareness campaigns around the country and around the world, so no matter where you are, there's something for you to do. Here are a few noteworthy campaigns:

WDD Monument Challenge

Every year, hundreds of monuments around the world are lit up in blue to spark diabetes awareness. Kudos to the IDF for getting this global glow campaign rolling! It is amazing to watch, and this year, there are over 900 monuments currently scheduled to go blue on Nov. 14.

Is there one near you? If so, make sure to take a picture and send it to the IDF so they can include it in their awe-inspiring Flickr gallery.

Get Behind the Blue Circle Campaign!

Our feeling here at the 'Mine — congealed by talks with other DOC leaders at the Roche Diabetes Social Media Summit this summer — is that a huge priority for diabetes awareness ought to be uniting the various advocacy organizations in this country behind a SINGLE, RECOGNIZABLE ICON.

That is, if we ever want to achieve anything close to the national attention breast cancer has managed, the diabetes patient population needs to stand up and make their voices heard that the various advocacy organizations in this country need to work together better — starting with the adoption of one recognizable icon.

So we're kicking off a campaign to help everyone who cares about diabetes advocacy easily speak out to the American Diabetes Association (ADA), the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), and the American Association of Diabetes Educators (AADE) and ask them to please get behind the Blue Circle as THE international symbol of diabetes.

The campaign will be based at the DiabeticConnect.com community site, and will provide ready-made postcards that you can easily print out and send to these three major U.S. organizations representing diabetes patients. There will also be an online petition to sign, and we're shooting for thousands of signatures.

We'll have more details next week, and also lovely badges to post so you can show your support (see above). Only with your help can we be united under the Blue Circle!

WDD Blue Fridays

Most awareness campaigns ask people to wear a particular color on a single day of the year (like red on Feb. 1 for Heart Awareness Day). But in November, you're encouraged to wear blue on all four Fridays of the month. WDD Blue Fridays was launched by founder of Diabetes Social Media Advocacy Cherise Shockley. She writes:

"Blue Fridays is an initiative to bring attention to World Diabetes Day, and to advocate and bring awareness for diabetes and the people living with it. Diabetes is more than a national issue; it's a world epidemic. This year, I want to rally the diabetes community... by asking people to wear blue every Friday during the month of November and on World Diabetes Day (November 14). Please help spread the word."

Check out this very creative promo video for the Wear Blue campaign, with a lot of familiar DOC faces!

Big Blue Test

Returning for its 3rd year, the Big Blue Test was founded by Manny Hernandez and the team at the Diabetes Hands Foundation. It's a great big "global test-in" in which PWDs from all over the world are asked to share their BG numbers online.

But the team is switching things up this year: instead of having everyone participate at 2pm local time (14:00 hours) on Nov. 14, they're asking people to participate sometime between Nov. 1 and Nov. 14 by testing your blood sugar, exercising for 14 minutes, testing again, and then recording your BG result on the website, above.

For each person who participates in the Big Blue Test, Roche Diabetes Care will again donate to an international diabetes charity to help a person with diabetes who's in need. The official campaign video for this year's Big Blue Test goes live on Nov. 1, but check out this sneak peek trailer:

WDD Postcard Exchange

Another grassroots campaign comes from diabetes blogger and art therapist extraordinaire Lee Ann Thill, who is back with another art project to bring the diabetes community together. The WDD Postcard Exchange invites everyone — type 1s, type 2s, spouses, family and friends — to participate in a global postcard exchange. Seriously, who doesn't love to get something arriving at their doorstep via "snail mail"?!

The way it works is that folks send in their mailing address to Lee Ann, who is taking on the colossal task of pairing everyone up. Participants are asked to create a 3.5" x 5" postcard, use the blue circle somewhere in the picture you create, provide answers to a few questions, and then mail it off! As of last week, the WDD Postcard Exchange had 300+ participants from all the inhabited continents: North America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, and finally, South America.

Wow! Allison and I have both signed up to participate and we can't wait to see who we're matched with!

T1 Day

From the Big Guns: JDRF is doing something new this year. They're kicking off National Diabetes Awareness Month on Nov. 1 with the first-ever "type 1 diabetes awareness day" program, appropriately called T1 Day.

The day seems to be focused around media outreach — to educate the press about type 1 diabetes — and fundraising for JDRF itself. The list of activities includes:

Visible presence on a number of national media outlets announcing T1Day

A "major announcement from JDRF, which better emphasizes our focus on type 1 diabetes"

Encouraging people to set up their own T1Day fundraising campaign pages, to solicit donations in honor of T1Day

Urging more advocates to sign the petition to the FDA asking them to issue guidance for artificial pancreas technology advances to better treat and potentially cure type 1 diabetes (JDRF's been circulating this for a while, with great success!)

JDRF will be tweeting and updating Facebook at one minute past the hour throughout the day on Nov. 1 , "to raise awareness of type 1 diabetes"

And "much more, throughout the month of November..."

The big news being announced by JDRF will be its new branding, which CEO Jeffrey Brewer also hinted at this summer at the Diabetes Social Media Summit, that will reflect JDRF's newfound commitment not just to the cure, but also to technology that can help people live well with diabetes now (like the Artificial Pancreas). So we're excited to see how they'll present this new messaging.

Plus, the JDRF New York City Chapter is asking folks to come to the Today Show studio on Nov. 1 at 5 am wearing blue to raise awareness for diabetes. We actually thought this choice of date was a little peculiar. Wouldn't it be better to do this on Nov. 14 — World Diabetes Day — than on Nov. 1 for T1 Day, which no one has ever heard of? Seems a little strange to announce a major branding change while also appearing on national TV for an awareness day that your organization just invented... while a major, established international awareness day for the same cause is happening just a few weeks later. Won't they be stealing the thunder of WDD on Nov. 14?

Reps at JDRF say, "The whole month of November is dedicated to diabetes awareness, so why not kick off the 1st of the month with a day dedicated to type 1 diabetes?" We're certainly all for diabetes advocacy and awareness, we just thought this was an unusual choice for such a big media spotlight, given the struggle for recognition of WDD. Anyway, if you're interested in being part of the Today Show crowd on Nov. 1 crowd, email JDRF to let them know you'll be there.

Surprisingly, not much else seems to be planned for World Diabetes Day in NYC - if you know of something let us know

San Francisco Flash Mob

Speaking of local events, though, San Francisco has finally gotten its act together for a World Diabetes Day spectacular, thanks to Close Concerns, the Diabetes Hands Foundation, and the JDRF Bay Area Chapter! The city's famous Union Square will be lit up in blue! The festivities will include include inspirational talks, celebrity guests, ice skating, refreshments, music, dancing, kids arts and crafts, a diabetes resource fair and...

the attempt to set a Guinness World Record for the THE LARGEST HULA HOOPING ACTIVITY EVER!

We need 114 people to set a new record for simultaneous hula hooping in the name of global awareness for diabetes (blue hoops!). If you are interested in joining us in Northern CA, please RSVP so we can get a head count. This event is free!

If you're looking for something in your own area, IDF is publishing this list of activities all around the world. Check out what's up, or submit your own event! Via la DAAs! (Diabetes Awareness Activities!)

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article